Clip of the day

We're not for Kinnear...

...so sing Geordie fans in this sketch. However, this chant 'can' sound like something entirely different, and entirely unsuitable for the younger ears among us...

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Feature: Penalty hall of shame

9 football players (and Diana Ross) getting it horribly wrong from 12 yards

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1 William

William (maybe his relatives are English) fails to get the cleanest of contacts with the ball in a shootout between Fluminense and Botafogo.

2 Jaap Stam

The immovable Dutchman's smash in the Euro 2000 semi-final shootout with Italy has still not come back down. Coach, Frank Rijkaard was left far from impressed. Clown!

3 Martin Keown

Robert Green becomes the pantomime villain, denying Martin Keown a goal from the spot in his testimonial match. The West Ham keeper did get a smack on the nose for his troubles though.

4 Roberto Baggio

The Italian maestro gift wraps the 1994 World Cup to Brazil in style, ballooning the ball up, up and away into the Pasadena skyline.

5 Francesco Totti

There's a fine line between being a crafty genious and a complete wally. Francesco Totti - not for the first time - samples a bit of the latter when his chipped penalty doesn't quite go to plan. BUFFOON!

6 David Beckham

Becks pens his name to the ever-growing list of England penalty culprits, wildly slashing over in the quarter-final shootout against Portugal after having a spot-kick saved in the group stage defeat to France.

7 Peter Devine

Arguably the worst penalty of all time? Peter Devine's effort for Lancaster City against Whitley Bay barely registers as a 'miss' as it fails to reach the six-yard box.

8 Martin Palermo

No idiot would be moronic enough to mess up three penalties in the same game would they? Step forward Martin Palermo, who bagged a hat-trick of misses for Argentina against Colombia. At least the last one was on target.

9 Diana Ross

The 1994 World Cup ended with a shocking penalty miss from Roberto Baggio. But let’s not forget that it began with an even worse one from Diana Ross.

10 Robert Pires

Bobby Pires and Thierry Henry take Arsenal's flamboyance and trickery one step too far, making themselves look a right pair of Charlie's. "Why didn't you just smack it" cried a red-faced Arsene.