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Back of the Net
Odd goings-on going on in the Midlands... Back of the Net's Paul Watson has the scoop...
A lengthy undercover operation commissioned by Back of the Net has revealed that West Bromwich Albion is nothing more than a front organisation used to siphon off points to other legitimate teams.
The news is expected to rock the world of football with many of Britain’s top teams having openly contested matches against the West Midlands points laundering outfit in recent times.
“Our suspicions were raised by the fact that West Bromwich isn’t a real place you get,” explained the undercover agent who led the sting.
“We dug a little deeper and found that The Hawthorns wasn’t a realistic name for a stadium and nobody could quite explain why people always refer to them as The Baggies.”
Every season anything between 60 and 80 points leave ‘West Brom’ bound for the Premier League’s top teams via a complex system of arranged meetings at football grounds around the country.
A matter of hours after a resounding 4-0 “defeat” against Manchester City, events at the Etihad Stadium take on an altogether more sinister complexion.
“It was all suddenly so clear,” Back of the Net’s inside man continued. “I looked over at Hodgson and just saw a powerless puppet; a really blocked up, sniffy puppet.
“At 3-0 down, rather than trying to re-jig things tactically you could hear [Roy] Hodgson threatening Paul Scharner. It was all stuff like ‘don’t break my balls on this,’ ‘there’s plenty of ways for a utility man like you to go missing’ and ‘you don’t want to end up with Boaz Myhill.’”
The dramatic climax of the investigation saw a West Brom representative offer Back of the Net’s reporter three points if he could assemble 11 men and teach them to take a set piece.
As we go to press, Baggie Bird remains wanted by Interpol for three charges of racketeering.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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