A surprisingly funny football blog
Back of the Net
You and your precious Premier League may think Blackburn are down – but, according to Back of the Net's Paul Watson, their ever-positive manager has different ideas...
Worried sources close to Steve Kean have revealed that the Blackburn manager is working on a complex series of elaborate plans that he believes will allow his side to avoid relegation.
It has been a tough season for Kean, who was chosen as the figurehead for the club’s supremely unpopular owners Venky’s after the baffling dismissal of jowl-rich kick-and-rush specialist Sam Allardyce in December 2010.
With relegation seemingly inevitable for the last six months, Kean has been the received torrid abuse from Rovers fans, but has always insisted his men would beat the drop – a belief he still holds despite relegation being mathematically decided by Monday’s loss to Wigan.
“Steve seemed down when he got back from the Wigan game,” a source close to Kean told FourFourTwo.com. “But oddly he started to perk up the next day and began saying cryptic things about his ‘devilish master plan’ and how things have ‘all fallen perfectly into place.”
Blackburn's biggest smile since 'Dunny' heard 'the chicken men' were coming
Kean has reportedly spent the last 36 hours in his office hunched over a computer, a calculator, a box of nitrogen tri-iodide crystals, a rudimentary daisy cutter fuse, a copy of Shane Richie’s autobiography Rags to Richie: The Story So Far and a radish.
“He’ll go silent for quite a while and then come up with another idea - he really won’t give up,” a despairing friend of Kean’s explained.
“Admittedly a lot of them aren’t great ideas – it’s mostly stuff like hacking into the FA’s website and changing the tables, hanging around Roberto Mancini and seeing if he leaves any points lying around or releasing a rabid dog on to the pitch at the Chelsea game. To be honest, I really can’t see how the dog thing would help at all.
“You almost think it would have been easier to have beaten a few teams like Bolton, or had a shot on target or two against Wigan.”
There are reports Wolves boss Terry Connor is one step ahead of Kean, and has pulled off a tactical masterstroke to combat his side’s grim plight by declaring the final game of the season against Wigan to be a ’25-pointer’, giving the Midlanders a chance of survival and handing Roberto Martinez’s men an unexpected shot at European qualification.
More from Back of the Net
LATEST FOOTBALL NEWS
Nigeria claim Africa Cup of Nations crown
Mali sink Ghana in Nations Cup play-off
CAF clear Pitroipa to play in Nations Cup final
Renard warned over Nelspruit pitch comments
Hayatou defends referees but admits mistakes
He's here, he's there, he's...
The cost of Premier League away travel
FourFourTwo is brought to you by Haymarket Consumer Media & FourFourTwo is part of Haymarket Sport
| International Licensing | © Haymarket Media Group 2010