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Back of the Net
Beloved pundit shocks listeners with gory goings-on, claims Back of the Net's Paul Watson...
BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson faces questioning by Scotland Yard after responding to an innocuous question about today’s referees by detailing a string of horrific crimes he committed on the football pitch during the 1980s.
Lawrenson is a vocal critic of the modern game, regularly stressing his belief that all things all players do at all levels of the game are not as good as they should be or used to be.
But few expected the English Republic of Ireland international to respond to a question about a refereeing decision during a Euro 2012 match by detailing several atrocities he committed during matches in the 1980s.
Lawrenson's ill-judged outburst came after commentator Guy Mowbray asked Lawrenson whether he felt Antonio Cassano had made a lot of a slightly late tackle by Sergio Busquets.
“These days at the slightest contact the striker goes down and it’s a free kick, but it wasn’t like that when I was a player,” Lawrenson began.
“You know, if you were up against a player who was quicker than you or more skilful than you, you’d kick lumps out of him.
“Then, if he carried on, you'd gut him like a kipper – y'know, murder him, in cold blood.”
Hansen: "I'll get him, Mark. You send his wife flowers"
A clearly stunned Mowbray attempted to move conversation back to the game, but Lawrenson couldn’t be stopped.
“Sometimes if you knew you were playing a nippy winger, you’d simply bring a shotgun and shoot him in the kneecaps,” Lawro continued with a nostalgic chuckle. “I remember one weekend, myself and Alan [Hansen] mowed down the entire Ipswich starting XI. Those were the days.”
Lawrenson seemed shocked to discover that his reminiscences had upset the production crew and trailed off muttering "y'know it’s like Keystone Kops" and "pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man".
There are now fears that Liverpool’s magnificent defensive record during the 1980s could have owed a lot to Lawrenson’s, bloodlust while football lovers may have to brace themselves for the loss of one of the game’s most beloved pundits.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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