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Back of the Net
Rangers are set to start the new season in the Scottish Football League Third Division and, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reveals, this could just be the start of their problems...
The president of the Scottish Football League has expressed his ‘absolute delight’ at being allowed to suggest a number of elaborate punishments for newco Rangers.
Rangers will start life again from the Third Division after suffering a financial meltdown but the new club face further sanctions according to Scottish Football Association Statute 12, which stresses the need to ‘kick a club when it’s down, you know, really put the boot in.’
It has already been revealed that Rangers will have to always have their name in inverted commas, wear an all-pink away kit and be forced to play all corners short for the 2012-13 campaign.
Furthermore, manager Ally McCoist will have to reprise his role as team captain of A Question of Sport but may only answer ‘Away’ questions in the ‘Home of Away’ round, considerably hindering his chances of beating wily competitor Phil Tufnell.
McCoist - delighted to be back in the Question of Sport mix...
McCoist was ashen-faced as he learned that he’ll also be expected to lethargically flirt with host Sue Barker in each and every episode.
"Nobody enjoys seeing a team fall from grace like this," Livingston chairman and SFL board member Gordon McDougall told FourFourTwo.com. "No, wait, that’s right we’re all having a great time, it’s fantastic.
"I’ve got this great idea where Rangers aren’t allowed a team coach and have to get to all their away games by foot.
"I heard this hilarious idea we should send them to Annan [Athletic] six times in a row. We should totally do them all!"
There have been rumours that a transfer embargo may be placed on Rangers that only allows them to buy second-rate Premier League cast-offs from clubs like Everton or fairly good Dutch players until 2020.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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