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BotN: Dizzy Curbishley trapped on managerial merry-go-round

Monday 10 September 2012 16:39

Ever wondered what happened to the early 2000s' sixth most in-demand manager? Back of the Net's Paul Watson explains...

It has been revealed that former Charlton Athletic manager Alan Curbishley has become trapped on the managerial-merry-go-round.

Curbishley left West Ham in September 2008 and boarded the merry-go-round expecting to be swiftly deposited at an equal or slightly worse club, but things haven’t worked out that way.

Sources close to the the 54-year-old have confirmed that the functional tactician’s suit jacket has become caught in the merry-go-round mechanism, trapping an increasingly desperate Curbishley on the ride for nearly four years and preventing him from safely dismounting at Birmingham, Wolves or Fulham.

“We’re all a little worried about Curbs’ state of mind,” our source told FourFourTwo.com.

“It’s been a really tough time for him being stuck in this gyratory limbo. Lately he’s been muttering about how nice Bolton looks at this time of year.

“Besides, he’s spending an awful lot of time with Iain Dowie and that’s obviously got to take its toll on you.”

Fashioned by the same people who designed the rumour mill, the managerial merry-go-round is lubricated by despair, greed and some oil and has been spinning continuously since its inception in the late 1980s.

It was created with the purpose of ensuring a constant supply of gossip for the football media, but these days is widely regarded as a way of ensuring that any given club is managed by Steve Bruce at least once every three years.

At its fastest, the English merry-go-round reaches a speed of 1mpw (1 manager per week), the default speed in Italy’s Serie A, but it always maintains a pace fast enough to make West Brom and Wigan look like attractive places to be.

Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.

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About Back of the Net

Back of the Net is a surprisingly funny football blog by Paul Watson and John Foster with guest appearances from TV comedian Mark Watson. For more, see their site and Facebook page. Paul Watson's book Up Pohnpei: A Quest to Reclaim the Soul of Football by Leading the World's Ultimate Underdogs to Glory is available now.

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