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Back of the Net
The popular Spurs defender has hinted he'll need to get used to being out in the cold, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson explains...
Out of favour Tottenham defender Michael Dawson refused to be drawn into discussing the future at a press conference today, giving only brief details of a new Ice Age and a summary of several useful new gadgets that will be launched between 2014 and 2017.
England international Dawson is struggling for first-team opportunities at White Hart Lane and there has been speculation that a £9 million deal with QPR, which fell through in the summer, could be revisited.
There is also speculation that a rising population, deforestation within Africa, Central and South America, industrial pollution in China, a loss of biodiversity, rising sea levels and oceanic dead zones may render our planet more or less uninhabitable within 150 years.
However, at today’s press conference the usually chirpy Yorkshireman was initially reluctant to give any clear message regarding the future.
“At this stage I’m just concentrating on getting things right in training,” the towering stopper insisted. “It really isn’t for me to discuss the future.”
"Just popping down to Morrison's, love..."
However, when pushed by insistent journalists, Dawson was willing to give some insights.
“I can tell you that the solar cycle peaking in 2022 will be one of the weakest in centuries, causing a significant cooling of the Earth’s climate,” the ex-Nottingham Forest man said.
“Obviously that’ll be catastrophic for the continuation of the human civilisation. The bitter cold will decimate food supplies and exposure will kill millions – those left will have to fight it out for the remaining resources, marauding in small packs of ruthless hunters.”
On a lighter note, Dawson was willing to reveal that we can expect some revelations in the world of consumer products within the next decade.
“By 2017 intelligent packaging will be a reality,” Dawson declared. “Food packaging will be fitted with electronic chips so they can effectively ‘talk to each other’ and suggest recipes. It sounds far-fetched but we are already close to that technology.”
Dawson also revealed that we should expect Spurs to give no less than 100% during Saturday’s trip to Old Trafford.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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