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The Anfield starlet has been warned against providing his own audio analysis of Reds matches, as Back of the Net's John Foster reports...
Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling has been asked to stop commentating aloud on his own performance during matches, after the Reds’ 1-0 win against Reading was tarnished by a constant excitable monologue from the young winger.
Teammates and opponents told FourFourTwo that Sterling, who is enjoying a fine debut season in the Liverpool first team, was overheard talking to himself during the pre-match handshakes.
“He was saying how it was a lovely day for football, how the crowd were in fine voice, and something about how the proud guardians of fortress Anfield would be expecting a performance from their heroes this afternoon,” reported Reading midfielder Jem Karacan.
“Then he asked who would be the players to watch, before answering in a gruff Scottish voice that Raheem Sterling would be a constant danger.”
Liverpool dominated the early stages, and should have taken the lead on 26 minutes when Sterling cut the ball back for Nuri Sahin, who blazed his shot high over the bar.
“And Sahin wastes the chance! Terrible by Sahin,” the teenager reportedly said, fixing his teammate with a glare. “You’ll have to say, he’s let his teammates down there, badly,” he added, raising his voice as Sahin turned and jogged back towards his own half.
Just two minutes later, however, Liverpool took the lead as Luis Suarez played in Sterling, who took a touch to control the ball while yelling “Sterling could be through here”, before firing it past Alex McCarthy and shouting “GOAL! Sterling breaks the deadlock brilliantly for Liverpool!”
“I was coming over to congratulate Raheem when I heard him saying something,” said Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard. “I think it was ‘And that’s a fantastic finish from the youngster; the hapless McCarthy had no chance.’
“I told him well played, and he put on this weird Scottish accent and said ‘Move over Steven Gerrard, the Kop has a new hero,’ which I thought was a bit odd.”
Sterling was removed from the action in the 83rd minute, applauding the crowd while remarking “And Sterling gets a well-deserved standing ovation from the Liverpool faithful. He’s single-handedly won the game for his side today.”
Manager Brendan Rodgers praised Sterling’s contribution, but criticised his tendency to provide a constant commentary on himself during the post-match press conference.
“In today’s game, young players can easily find themselves falling prey to certain temptations, such as conducting sympathetic interviews with imaginary broadsheet journalists, giving themselves marks out of ten for completing basic household tasks, and commentating incessantly on their own performances while on the field”, Rodgers said.
“Raheem’s role is to offer the team width and penetration, and he should leave the oratorical bombast to the professionals, or it’ll get annoying. He needs to learn that there’s a reason Alan Green has no friends.”
Meanwhile Sterling, sitting alongside his manager, declared that he was happy to focus on his performance on the field. “It’s not for me to say whether I’ll become one of the immortals of the game, but I do think that both Lionel Messi and Tony Gubba should definitely be worried,” he told journalists, in response to a question from himself.
Editor's note: this isn't a serious accusation and all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
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