A surprisingly funny football blog
Back of the Net
West Ham's transfer 'advisors' revealed by Back of the Net's John Foster...
West Ham’s transfer policy has come under scrutiny as it was revealed that David Gold’s 11-year-old son Brandon has been acting as the club’s chief scout for the past six months.
Brandon Gold publicly called on his father to finalise a deal for Joe Cole, and confirmed that he was interested in bringing Nicolas Anelka to East London, announcing on Twitter that the French star was “cheap, available, and still deadly on FIFA.”
However, Gold also criticised the club’s loan of Marouane Chamakh, fuelling speculation that that deal was arranged by Karren Brady’s 12-year-old nephew Dominic, Gold’s boardroom arch-rival.
“Gutted about Chamakh,” the young, burgundy-blazered executive told his 18,000 Twitter followers, “But at least I’m not Dominic. Dominic smells of wee.”
"Spongebob, I'm hoping you can help us soak up pressure in midfield..."
However, Brandon is facing vocal opposition from his 6-year-old sister Olivia, who has gained allies in the Upton Park boardroom after masterminding the summer signing of Andy Carroll, defying critics who claimed she thought the striker was a My Little Pony.
Olivia Gold is believed to be firmly against the Anelka transfer, preferring that the Irons move for the highly-regarded American superhero Batman.
“Batman offers strength, agility, and most of all, star power,” a spokesman for the infant told FourFourTwo. “If we’re serious about establishing West Ham as a Premier League force, this is the type of signing we should be pursuing.
“Batman looks like a bat,” added the younger Gold. “Also he fights baddies. I like Batman.”
Should Batman prove unrealistic, Olivia has drawn up an alternative list of transfer targets, including Spider-Man, SpongeBob SquarePants, one or more of the Alien Surf Girls, and Stephen Warnock.
Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all
quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
More from Back of the NetMark Lawrenson spotted buying discounted Christmas crackersGrumpy Villas-Boas takes negatives from Tottenham performance Sturridge's Liverpool move held up by fact 'squillion' not a numberBrighton inadvertently sign former England keeper Chris WoodsGiggs causes concern with tendency to invoke 150-year-old rulesEverybody to host Euro 2020, UEFA warn general public
All Back of the Net blogs >>
Barcelona star makes shocking admission to Back of the Net 's John Foster ... After being awarded
Another blow for the drifting Dutchman, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Despite his
The soon to be former European Champions have been dealt a blow by St. Josep, as Back of the Net 's
The French international is determined to make headlines in West London, as Back of the Net 's John
The Magpies' new signing is already feeling the heat, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports
Manchester United's latest press conference has ended in disaster, as Back of the Net 's John
It's deadline day, and Manchester City are on the look out for a new addition, as Back of the Net
LATEST FOOTBALL NEWS
Spain seal major tournament treble
UEFA dishes out dosh to clubs for Euro 2012
Russia win appeal against Euro 2012 sanction
Nasri banned over behaviour at Euro 2012
Van der Wiel critical of compatriot Robben
He's here, he's there, he's...
The cost of Premier League away travel
FourFourTwo is brought to you by Haymarket Consumer Media & FourFourTwo is part of Haymarket Sport
| International Licensing | © Haymarket Media Group 2010