A surprisingly funny football blog
Back of the Net
It's deadline day, and Manchester City are on the look out for a new addition, as Back of the Net's John Foster reports...
Manchester City’s deadline-day business has suffered a setback, as the man who the club had identified as their number one target, Giovanni Pico della Mirandola, was today revealed to be not a trophy-hungry marksman with a nose for goal, but a fifteenth-century syncretic philologist.
The defending Premier League champions had hoped to bring in a striker to replace the departing Mario Balotelli, but their search is set to continue, after officials in Italy confirmed that the influential philosopher, most noted for his Oration on the Dignity of Man, had died in 1494.
“We had been looking for someone with experience, creativity, and an impressive track record, and Giovanni seemed to fit the bill,” said City executive Brian Marwood. “We were also very impressed by his grasp of rhetoric and his mastery of numerous classical languages.”
“Unfortunately, what counts at the end of the day is the ability to put the ball in the back of the net, and for all Pico’s skill at illuminating the cabalistic undertones present in early Bible verses, there’s no evidence that he ever played football, or indeed, any other sport.”
Sources at Eastlands have confirmed that the club will no longer work with Pico della Mirandola’s agent, Bruno Giordano, who overcame being burned at the stake for black magic in 1600 to carve out a respectable Serie A career with Lazio.
With just hours left before the transfer window shuts, City are expected to turn their attentions to Edinson Cavani, who, though not a Renaissance humanist, is the spitting image of Sandro Botticelli’s Man with a Medal of Cosimo de’ Medici.
More from Back of the NetTragedy as Man Utd unravel Zaha, instead of unveiling himPardew forced to admit Newcastle new boy has meltedQPR new boy Loïc Rémy promises “some kind of spree”Pep Guardiola joins every club in the world but ChelseaSneijder not selected for backyard kickabout with own sonRelieved Messi admits his lost Ballon d'Or trophy years agoGold's children urge West Ham to sign Anelka, Batman & Spongebob
All Back of the Net blogs >>
The effortlessly brilliant Bulgarian has inspired more than just a 3-1 victory over West Ham this week
Back of the Net 's John Foster reports on another unhappy ending for the put-upon Scotsman... Alex
Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports on a gap in public perception... A shocking FourFourTwo survey
Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports that Big Sam won't be giving up the Boelyn for the Vatican
Back of the Net 's Paul Watson brings a non-shock report from Loftus Road... Team-mates of QPR’s
There are no rumblings of discontent at Arsenal , as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Observers
LATEST FOOTBALL NEWS
Spain seal major tournament treble
UEFA dishes out dosh to clubs for Euro 2012
Russia win appeal against Euro 2012 sanction
Nasri banned over behaviour at Euro 2012
Van der Wiel critical of compatriot Robben
He's here, he's there, he's...
The cost of Premier League away travel
FourFourTwo is brought to you by Haymarket Consumer Media & FourFourTwo is part of Haymarket Sport
| International Licensing | © Haymarket Media Group 2010