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Back of the Net

A surprisingly funny football blog



Back of the Net

Family of Federico Marchetti fear he may be playing in Confederations Cup

Tuesday 18 June 2013, 09:30

The local authorities have stuck their beak in, as Back of the Net 's John Foster report... The wife of missing Lazio goalkeeper Federico Marchetti has made an emotional public appeal for help in finding...
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Everton under pressure to explain why they had a finch farm in the first place

Wednesday 12 June 2013, 12:13

The local authorities have stuck their beak in, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports Everton’s business model has come under scrutiny today after the local council purchased the club’s finch farm...
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Liverpool target Iago Aspas set for fictional switch

Tuesday 11 June 2013, 10:59

Liverpool may be thwarted in their attempt to sign the forward, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Celta Vigo striker Iago Aspas is set to snub Liverpool, instead becoming a mythical figure...
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New Stoke boss Hughes promises sophisticated, free-flowing violence

Friday 07 June 2013, 10:45

Sparky says he will drag the Potters kicking and screaming and kicking again into the modern age, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... New Stoke City boss Mark Hughes has promised the club...
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Dunne released by Aston Villa after four years in captivity

Thursday 06 June 2013, 11:06

Joy for the Irish defender as he finally tastes freedom. Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Richard Dunne has spoken of his overwhelming joy at being released by Aston Villa after nearly four...
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Analysts confirm outbreak of Hughes in Staffordshire

Thursday 30 May 2013, 12:04

A health warning for the Stoke area, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... After weeks of intense speculation, Mark Hughes has finally been confirmed by experts. It has been almost exactly six...
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Crystal Palace already preparing for promotion push for 2014/15

Wednesday 29 May 2013, 15:51

The South London club are thinking two steps ahead, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Crystal Palace have wasted no time in the wake of their sensational victory in the Championship play...
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Inter's Stramaccioni to return to being a kind of cheese

Friday 24 May 2013, 16:42

Back of the Net 's John Foster on an unusual next step for an unusual Inter manager... Inter Milan have confirmed that Andrea Stramaccioni is to leave his role as manager and return to being a variety...
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Garth Crooks’ Team of the Season living in 'constant fear’ of meeting Garth Crooks

Tuesday 21 May 2013, 14:42

Several Premier League stars are fearing an awkward meeting with the BBC's meandering mic-master, reports Back of the Net 's Paul Watson. .. Two of the 11 men chosen by Garth Crooks as the outstanding...
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Ferguson retires to spend more time with bleached skulls of enemies

Tuesday 14 May 2013, 15:32

The soon to be former Manchester United manager shares his future plans with Back of the Net's John Foster ... Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement. English football's most successful...
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Dave Whelan wins FA Cup, confused ITV viewers report

Monday 13 May 2013, 09:20

Saturation coverage of the Mickey Rooney look-a-like confused television viewers, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reports... A significant percentage of people who watched Saturday’s FA Cup final...
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Wolves to terminate manager Dean Saunders

Friday 10 May 2013, 14:47

The West Midlands club are not leaving anything to chance after their relegation to League One, reports Back of the Net 's Paul Watson. .. A statement from Wolverhampton Wanderers FC has confirmed...
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Hollywood rejects Brentford-Doncaster movie, but not for plausibility reasons

Wednesday 01 May 2013, 09:13

A big screen adaptation of Saturday's showdown has been turned-down, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reports... As feared, Hollywood’s Big Six studios have snubbed Brentford-Doncaster, but feedback...
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Wilson Palacios named Player of the Year in Back Of The Net awards 2013

Monday 29 April 2013, 17:33

It's the time of year when pointless gongs are doled out, and Back of the Net is no different, as John Foster exlains... Back of the Net is delighted to announce that Stoke City midfielder Wilson Palacios...
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Nobody has even mentioned Barcelona game, irritated Heynckes reports

Wednesday 24 April 2013, 15:34

You never get any credit domestically, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Bayern Munich boss Jupp Heynckes has admitted that he wasn’t asked one single question about his magnificent Champions...
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Biting not offensive in South America, claims Luis Suarez

Monday 22 April 2013, 16:20

Calm down, it was all just a big misunderstanding, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... Luis Suarez has defended himself following reports he bit Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic, claiming the...
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Wigan suffer demoralising defeat in “perfect tribute” to Thatcher

Monday 22 April 2013, 14:16

The weekend football programme reflected Margaret Thatcher's premiership, reports Back of the Net 's John Foster ... On the weekend following the funeral of Lady Thatcher and the outpouring of...
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Newcastle offside trap finally springs into action, snaring loveable fawn

Friday 19 April 2013, 11:23

The Toon defence is in full action, sadly almost a week too late, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Newcastle United have released a baby fawn back into the wild this afternoon after it...
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Europa League still unable to get excited about Chelsea

Thursday 11 April 2013, 14:45

European football's bridesmaid just wants to feel loved, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... The Europa League has admitted the prospect of being won by Chelsea is “underwhelming”, telling...
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Blackpool boss Paul Ince slaps price tag on entire family

Tuesday 09 April 2013, 09:00

The Tangerines boss admits he may be forced to sell the family silver...and the family, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Blackpool manager Paul Ince has announced that he is prepared to...
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"It’s Barcelona versus Blaise Matuidi", thinks Blaise Matuidi

Monday 01 April 2013, 12:30

It's clash of the titans in the French captial, as Back of the Net's John Foster reports... The Champions League quarter-final draw has pitted favourites Barcelona against the dark horse of Blaise...
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Montenegro vs England was a figment of your imagination, Brnovic boasts

Wednesday 27 March 2013, 15:30

If you thought you wasted your Tuesday evening watching a dull match, you should think again, as Back of the Net' s Paul Watson reports... Montenegro coach Branko Brnovic has revealed that yesterday...
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Rio Ferdinand refuses to do any of the boring bits of jigsaw puzzle

Tuesday 19 March 2013, 17:10

The centreback is willing to help out, but just not yes, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reports... Friends of Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand have expressed their frustration at the experienced...
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Callum McManaman visits Massadio Haidara’s severed leg in hospital

Monday 18 March 2013, 10:05

Back of the Net 's John Foster reports on the the fall-out from the biggest controversy of the Premier League weekend... Callum McManaman has attempted to defuse the row over his horror tackle on Massadio...
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Indecisive Palermo chief Zamparini sends back meal for fifth time

Tuesday 12 March 2013, 09:48

Back of the Net 's John Foster reports on the Rosanero boss-man changing his mind...again Staff at the award-winning Palermo restaurant Kursaal Kalhesa have reacted with despair to the news that local...
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Preview: Newcastle face stern test against Anzh– oh hang on, it’s already finished

Thursday 07 March 2013, 18:29

Back of the Net 's John Foster gets lost in the timewarp Newcastle United’s Europa League campaign faces its toughest challenge yet this evening, as they prepare for their last 16 meeting with Russian...
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We need FOOTBALLING miracle, clarifies Celtic's Lennon

Wednesday 06 March 2013, 13:18

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson on a misunderstanding that has caused grief in the Celtic camp... Celtic boss Neil Lennon has been forced to be more specific in his request for ‘a miracle’ ahead of...
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Inter pass on John Carew after medical shows he is John Carew

Friday 01 March 2013, 12:54

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson with the inside scoop on a transfer gone wrong... Inter Milan have walked away from a deal for Norwegian striker John Carew after medical tests suggested there was a...
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75% of all TV programming is Gareth Bale

Thursday 28 February 2013, 11:33

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports that there's no escaping the Tottenham winger... Three out of every four television programmes now involve Tottenham star Gareth Bale, an independent watchdog...
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None of the things Bosingwa does in training would take your breath away, team-mates admit

Friday 22 February 2013, 16:07

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson brings a non-shock report from Loftus Road... Team-mates of QPR’s under-fire defender Jose Bosingwa have confessed that the Portuguese international is putting in no...
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Conflicted Arsenal fans create new noise to express feelings for Wenger

Monday 18 February 2013, 15:20

There are no rumblings of discontent at Arsenal , as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Observers at the Emirates Stadium on Saturday reported that Arsenal supporters watching their side’s 1...
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Everton striker Jelavic struggling to recapture early-season human form

Friday 15 February 2013, 11:30

The Goodison goal-getter isn't the player he used to be , as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Everton striker Nikica Jelavic, scorer of just one league goal in his past thirteen appearances...
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Hammers boss Allardyce removes self from Pontiff frame

Monday 11 February 2013, 14:07

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports that Big Sam won't be giving up the Boelyn for the Vatican... West Ham manager Sam Allardyce has moved to curb speculation that he will become the new head...
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Fulham awareness at an all-time low

Friday 08 February 2013, 16:05

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports on a gap in public perception... A shocking FourFourTwo survey has revealed that fewer than 1% of adults in the UK are aware of the existence of a Fulham Football...
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Alex McLeish leaves Nottingham Forest by mutual catapult

Wednesday 06 February 2013, 11:48

Back of the Net 's John Foster reports on another unhappy ending for the put-upon Scotsman... Alex McLeish’s brief and unsuccessful spell at Nottingham Forest is over, after club chairman Fawaz al...
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New edition of The Lovers’ Guide contains copious references to Dimitar Berbatov

Friday 01 February 2013, 11:09

The effortlessly brilliant Bulgarian has inspired more than just a 3-1 victory over West Ham this week, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Lifetime Productions International, publishers of...
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Manchester City target revealed to be Renaissance philosopher

Thursday 31 January 2013, 15:25

It's deadline day, and Manchester City are on the look out for a new addition, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Manchester City’s deadline-day business has suffered a setback, as the...
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Tragedy as Man Utd unravel Zaha, instead of unveiling him

Friday 25 January 2013, 16:30

Manchester United's latest press conference has ended in disaster, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Chaotic scenes were witnessed at a Manchester United press conference today, as impending...
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Pardew forced to admit Newcastle new boy Debuchy has melted

Monday 21 January 2013, 12:04

The Magpies' new signing is already feeling the heat, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Newcastle United have been forced to concede that January signing Mathieu Debuchy was in fact...
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QPR new boy Loïc Rémy promises “some kind of spree”

Friday 18 January 2013, 13:10

The French international is determined to make headlines in West London, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... New QPR striker Loïc Rémy has pledged to fans that he will go on “some kind of...
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Pep Guardiola joins every club in the world but Chelsea

Thursday 17 January 2013, 16:00

The soon to be former European Champions have been dealt a blow by St. Josep, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reveals... Former Barcelona manager Josep Guardiola has confirmed his decision to join...
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BotN: Sneijder not selected for backyard kick-about with own son

Wednesday 09 January 2013, 15:42

Another blow for the drifting Dutchman, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Despite his abundance of natural talent and unquestioned ability to turn a game, Wesley Sneijder was left out of...
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BotN: Relieved Messi admits he lost Ballon d’Or trophy years ago

Tuesday 08 January 2013, 14:55

Barcelona star makes shocking admission to Back of the Net 's John Foster ... After being awarded the Ballon d’Or for the fourth consecutive year, Lionel Messi has spoken of his ‘pride, happiness,...
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BotN: Gold’s children urge West Ham signings of Cole, Anelka, Batman, SpongeBob

Friday 04 January 2013, 15:54

West Ham's transfer 'advisors' revealed by Back of the Net 's John Foster ... West Ham’s transfer policy has come under scrutiny as it was revealed that David Gold’s 11-year-old son Brandon...
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BotN: Mark Lawrenson spotted buying discounted Christmas crackers

Friday 04 January 2013, 12:02

The Match of the Day pundit has been doing research, of sorts... Back of the Net 's John Foster has the details... Tiresome BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson has been spotted buying up large quantities of...
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BotN: Grumpy Villas-Boas takes negatives from Tottenham performance

Thursday 27 December 2012, 11:11

The Spurs boss is far from full of festive cheer, reports Back of the Net 's John Foster ... A gloomy-looking André Villas-Boas has refused to discuss the positive aspects of Tottenham’s result against...
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BotN: Sturridge's Liverpool move held up by fact ‘squillion’ not an actual number

Friday 21 December 2012, 14:53

The England forward may have to alter his demands, reports Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Negotiations to take Daniel Sturridge to Liverpool have hit a snag after the young Chelsea forward was...
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BotN: Brighton inadvertently sign former England keeper Chris Woods

Thursday 20 December 2012, 11:40

Seagulls stupidly sign seasoned shot-stopper, so says Sack...errrm... Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Brighton boss Gus Poyet has admitted his ‘crushing disappointment’ at completing the signature...
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BotN: Nobody wins QPR ping-pong tournament

Friday 14 December 2012, 13:59

Hopeless Hoops can't even beat each other at table-tennis, says Back of the Net 's John Foster ... A Queens Park Rangers inter-squad table tennis tournament has ended without a winner, as every...
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BotN: Giggs causes concern with ageing legs, tendency to invoke ‘Fair Catch’ rule

Tuesday 11 December 2012, 14:10

The Manchester United veteran is keeping it old school, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted that Ryan Giggs’ career may be winding down...
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BotN: Everybody to host Euro 2020, UEFA warn general public

Friday 07 December 2012, 15:37

UEFA weren't kidding when they said they were taking the Euros to Europe, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Anyone living in Europe may be expected to host a game at the 2020 European...
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BotN: Manchester United confirm Nemanja Vidic ready for new injury

Thursday 06 December 2012, 11:32

The burly Serb is set for another spell in the physio room, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Manchester United have confirmed that club captain Nemanja Vidic, having shaken off a persistent...
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BotN: Real Madrid to leave Jose Mourinho at end of the season

Tuesday 04 December 2012, 10:58

The Special One is ready to dismiss the nine-times European champions, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Real Madrid are set to leave José Mourinho in the summer, according to reports from...
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BotN: Couple lose adoptive children ‘for being West Ham fans’

Friday 30 November 2012, 13:17

More controversy in East London. Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Outrage has greeted reports that a couple in East London have had their three adoptive children taken from them by the local...
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BotN: Mark Hughes sacked and sacked again

Friday 23 November 2012, 15:42

The blame-shifting Welshman has had a bad day at the office, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Queens Park Rangers have confirmed that they have dismissed Mark Hughes from his current position...
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BotN: Giovinco booked for head-removing celebration during Juve win

Wednesday 21 November 2012, 16:00

The pint-sized Juventus schemer is in hot water after a controversial celebration, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports Juventus forward Sebastian Giovinco yesterday became the first player to...
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BotN: Last gasp Ibrahimovic shot ‘definitely worth four goals’

Friday 16 November 2012, 10:38

The PSG forward turned Wednesday evening's friendly in Stockholm on its head, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports Sweden recorded a sensational last-minute victory over England on Wednesday...
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BotN: Warnock kicking every ball, frustrated Leeds players complain

Monday 12 November 2012, 17:25

The much-loved Leeds United manager has really put his foot in it this time, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports Leeds United midfielder Michael Tonge has admitted that his fellow players are...
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BotN: Unlikely Celtic win reminds world how close it came to Romney presidency

Friday 09 November 2012, 16:37

Back of the Net 's John Foster reports on two very unlikely things, only one of which happened... As the euphoria surrounding Celtic’s against-all-odds triumph over Barcelona begins to fade, observers...
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BotN: Chaos reigns as cryptic referee forces players to guess his decisions

Wednesday 07 November 2012, 13:22

A non-league referee has left two Conference sides with good cause to question his decisions, reports Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Tuesday night’s Conference National clash between Southport...
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BotN: Berg impresses Blackburn with lack of revulsion at club

Wednesday 31 October 2012, 16:57

Rovers have finally found a manager who won't run away screaming, reports Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Blackburn Rovers have released a statement announcing the appointment of Henning Berg...
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BotN: Newcastle's Tiote dismissed for late challenge at airport

Friday 26 October 2012, 12:08

The Toon battler has been sent for a rather late early bath, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Newcastle United boss Alan Pardew has admitted his disappointment at discovering that tenacious...
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BotN: Raheem Sterling asked to stop muttering own commentary during matches

Tuesday 23 October 2012, 10:26

The Anfield starlet has been warned against providing his own audio analysis of Reds matches, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports... Liverpool’s Raheem Sterling has been asked to stop commentating...
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BotN: Chiles and team visibly tiring as they enter 15th hour of build-up

Wednesday 17 October 2012, 10:46

Tuesday evening's wash-out in Warsaw has left ITV's cuddly nincompoop on the wane, reveals Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Adrian Chiles and his ITV punditry team are beginning to struggle...
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BotN: Benayoun’s attempts to impress Allardyce result in general awkwardness

Tuesday 16 October 2012, 14:32

The Israeli midfielder might be trying a little too hard, reveals Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Out-of-favour West Ham midfielder Yossi Benayoun is determined to win over boss Sam Allardyce but...
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BotN: Two detained at Heathrow Airport on suspicion of plotting to incite diving

Thursday 11 October 2012, 10:46

The authorities have taken drastic action to finally clamp down on the real scourge of football (other than all the racism, corruption and stuff...), reveals Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Two...
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BotN: Sacked Coyle facing very real threat of going for that drink with Steve Kean

Wednesday 10 October 2012, 15:50

The former Bolton boss may be screening his calls, reveals Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... Sources close to axed Bolton manager Owen Coyle believe the Scottish tactician will look to find a new...
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BotN: Lambert spends press conference speaking in iambic pentameter

Saturday 06 October 2012, 11:24

The new Aston Villa manager is taking a more rhythmic approach to media matters, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... Fans and journalists have been lining up to praise Paul Lambert after...
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BotN: UEFA to sex-up Europa League with 'dramatic new storylines' & 'mental stunts'

Friday 05 October 2012, 16:18

European football big-wigs have decided it's time to sex-up the Champions League's little brother, so to speak. Back of the Net 's Paul Watson has the details... A leaked UEFA document has...
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BotN: Arsenal defend decision to send Diaby and Wilshere bear-wrestling

Thursday 04 October 2012, 09:54

The Gunners have adopted an unusual approach to rehabilitation, so says Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Arsenal have been forced to defend their controversial treatment policy after it emerged that...
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BotN: Spurs' Dawson tight-lipped on future, but hints climate change could kill millions

Wednesday 26 September 2012, 11:27

The popular Spurs defender has hinted he'll need to get used to being out in the cold, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson explains... Out of favour Tottenham defender Michael Dawson refused to be...
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BotN: 'Now a great time for fans to panic', says Gerrard

Tuesday 25 September 2012, 11:05

The Anfield faithful are being advised not to stay calm, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has spoken directly to fans concerned about the club’s slow start...
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BotN: John Terry inspires team-mates by giving up

Monday 24 September 2012, 15:18

Chelsea captain John Terry is standing tall, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... Former England captain John Terry last night announced his retirement from international football, in a move...
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BotN: Adkins admits to 'worst possible start' while fleeing angry dog

Tuesday 18 September 2012, 09:50

The men from St Mary's haven't made a happy return to the Premier League thus far, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson explains... Southampton manager Nigel Adkins has confessed he couldn’t have...
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BotN: Dizzy Curbishley trapped on managerial merry-go-round

Monday 10 September 2012, 16:39

Ever wondered what happened to the early 2000s' sixth most in-demand manager? Back of the Net' s Paul Watson explains... It has been revealed that former Charlton Athletic manager Alan Curbishley...
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Christian Benteke: I’ve never heard of me either

Wednesday 05 September 2012, 11:06

Aston Villa's deadline-day signing isn't even a household name in his own house, as Back of the Net' s John Foster explains... Days after Aston Villa sprung a surprise with their deadline-day...
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BotN: Carroll now photosynthesising, proud West Ham report

Monday 03 September 2012, 11:04

The Geordie striker has already blossomed at West Ham. Back of the Net 's Paul Watson explains why... West Ham have unexpectedly revealed that Andy Carroll’s excellent debut against Fulham can be largely...
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BotN: QPR told they have to sign Julio Cesar before they can transfer list him

Thursday 30 August 2012, 11:34

The West London club are busily trying to overhaul their overhauled squad before the close of the transfer window, as Back of the Net' s John Foster explains... QPR were dealt a blow this week when...
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BotN: Van Persie accused of stealing Arsenal's shooting boots

Wednesday 29 August 2012, 09:14

The North Londoners are having difficulty hitting the target since the loss of the Dutchman, Back of the Net' s John Foster explains exactly why... After a thorough but ultimately fruitless search...
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BotN: All Michael Owen transfer rumours apparently started by Michael Owen

Tuesday 07 August 2012, 12:57

The former England star has been linked with a host of clubs this summer, but, as Back of the Net' s John Foster explains, there's a good reason for that... A series of rumours linking former England...
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BotN: Rodallega solemnly informs new teammates of his proficiency at cunnilingus

Friday 03 August 2012, 12:01

A new man has arrived at Craven Cottage, and, as Back of the Net 's John Foster reports, he has skills to pay the bills. Not that you could pay bills that way. Unless... Fulham summer signing Hugo...
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BotN: Pearce feeds promising badminton partnership to ‘peckish’ players

Thursday 02 August 2012, 12:28

Under-fire Great Britain coach Stuart Pearce has insisted that it was a ‘sensible footballing decision’ for his squad to kill, cook and eat badminton partners Chris Adcock and Imogen Bankier after a less...
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BotN: Barton to spend the summer training with Fleetwood Mac

Tuesday 24 July 2012, 16:43

Football's 'philosopher king' will be spending the next few weeks away from QPR. Back of the Net 's John Foster explains all... After being left out of his club’s pre-season tour of Malaysia...
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BotN's pre-season round-up: City invade China, Liverpool/Spurs make pointless trip

Thursday 19 July 2012, 09:37

With the exception of the season itself, pre-season is the most important period in the football calendar. Back of the Net 's Paul Watson looks through a mouth-watering summer fixture list and picks...
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BotN: McLeish holiday postcards too boring to finish

Tuesday 17 July 2012, 14:27

Big Eck's vaction explanations don't have anybody 'wishing they were here', as Back of the Net's John Foster reveals... Friends and family of Alex McLeish have told FourFourTwo.com...
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BotN: Rangers misery ‘just great fun’ for rest of Scottish League

Monday 16 July 2012, 14:32

Rangers are set to start the new season in the Scottish Football League Third Division and, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reveals, this could just be the start of their problems... The president...
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Vogts hopeful everyone’s forgotten about Scotland by now

Tuesday 10 July 2012, 14:05

It's a tough job market, and Paul Watson reports on one hopeful's careful CV editing... The leading candidate for Poland’s managerial vacancy, Berti Vogts, is said to be pinning his hopes on the...
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Nobody acts funny, nobody gets hurt, new Watford owners insist

Monday 09 July 2012, 10:32

There's a new capo at Vicarage Road and Paul Watson speculates wildly (and, obviously, incorrectly)... Watford’s new owners the Pozzo family have reassured fans that they almost certainly aren’t looking...
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Pundit Lawrenson admits to murder while saying what defenders used to be able to get away with

Thursday 05 July 2012, 16:01

Beloved pundit shocks listeners with gory goings-on, claims Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson faces questioning by Scotland Yard after responding to an innocuous question...
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Arsenal’s swoop for Giroud is great news for Giroud, asserts Giroud

Thursday 21 June 2012, 08:50

The man widely linked with a move to the Emirates is delighted to be heading to North London, according to Back of the Net 's Paul Watson ... French striker Olivier Giroud believes Arsenal’s apparent...
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Sacked Redknapp looks forward to pursuing interests outside football but unable to name single other thing

Thursday 14 June 2012, 16:31

Back of the Net 's Paul Watson wonders if Harry can survive on Civvy Street Harry Redknapp has declared his intention to explore other interests while waiting for a new club – but in a lengthy press...
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Roy Hodgson profile: Elk, Grasshoppers and Owls

Monday 11 June 2012, 13:38

As Roy Hodgson prepares for his first competitive England game, Back of the Net 's John Foster looks back at Hodgson's history There was widespread surprise when the FA appointed Roy Hodgson to...
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Euro 2012 travel guide: Kiev

Friday 08 June 2012, 13:57

Welcome to the second part of our Euro 2012 away fans’ guide. After looking at Donetsk earlier in the week , we're now focusing on Kiev, the other city where England will play in Polkraine. DID YOU...
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Government boycotts Euro 2012 over human rights, announces delighted Cameron

Friday 08 June 2012, 13:35

With Euro 2012 about to kick off, the UK Government has had stern words. Back of the Net' s John Foster suggests an ulterior motive... The British government will not be sending representatives to...
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New Cardiff City kit to be giant penis costume

Thursday 07 June 2012, 16:52

The football club formerly known as the Bluebirds are going through some big, phallic changes, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... Controversy has erupted around Cardiff City, after the club...
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Euro 2012 travel guide: Donetsk

Wednesday 06 June 2012, 16:24

Planning to travel to Poland to watch Roy’s boys? Think again – all England matches will be played in Ukraine. Because we love you and we want you to be happy, we’ve put together this handy travel guide...
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Group D: England – Struggling To Meet Low Expectations

Friday 01 June 2012, 12:21

The Back of the Net boys file their final Euro 2012 team preview. Last and possibly least, it's England , as previewed by Paul Watson A low-key run-in to the competition and widespread ignorance of...
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Group D: France – Sane Coach Proving A Novelty

Friday 01 June 2012, 10:34

The Back of the Net team continue their build-up to Euro 2012 with individual team profiles. Here, Paul Watson takes a peek at everybody's favourite side, France … Raymond Domenech’s reign of terror...
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Group D: Sweden – Loveable Fans, Workmanlike Team

Thursday 31 May 2012, 15:00

The Back of the Net team continue their build-up to Euro 2012 with individual team profiles. Here, Paul Watson takes a long loving look at Sweden … No competition is complete without the relentlessly loveable...
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Michael Carrick set to miss out on watching Euro 2012 on TV

Thursday 31 May 2012, 11:33

He was a surprise omission from Roy Hodgson's squad, and now, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reveals, things are about to get even worse for the Geordie midfield metronome... Manchester United...
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Group D: Ukraine – No Definite Article

Thursday 31 May 2012, 10:26

The Back of the Net team continue their build-up to Euro 2012 with individual team profiles. Here, John Foster examines Group D's top seeds, co-hosts Ukraine … An ageing squad is not expected to achieve...
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Group C: Spain – So Good, They Might Not Even Bother

Wednesday 30 May 2012, 14:00

The Back of the Net team continue their build-up to Euro 2012 with individual team profiles. Here, television mirth merchant Mark Watson casts an eye over the World and European champions, Spain … Until...
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Group C: Republic of Ireland – Oh Yeah, Lucky As Anything

Wednesday 30 May 2012, 07:55

The Back of the Net squad's Euro 2012 previews continue, with him-off-the-telly Mark Watson studying the Republic of Ireland The Irish were popular qualifiers for Euro 2012, having only missed out...
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Group C: Italy – The Bookmakers' Favourites

Tuesday 29 May 2012, 12:17

The Back of the Net boys continue their light-hearted look ahead to Euro 2012 . Here, John Foster on a team who have historically reacted well to scandal-based adversity: Italy ... After another disappointing...
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Group C: Croatia – Like A Game Of Chess. No, Really...

Tuesday 29 May 2012, 09:30

The Back of the Net boys continue their light-hearted look ahead to Euro 2012 . This morning, John Foster on a team looking to prove they have the lungs to last longer than they did four years ago: Croatia...
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Berbatov transfer listed for talking about death too much

Monday 28 May 2012, 11:45

The happy-go-lucky striker looks set to depart Old Trafford, according to Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Manchester United forward Dimitar Berbatov has been told to find a new club, after Sir Alex...
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An Alternative History of the European Championships

Monday 28 May 2012, 11:24

With the European Championships starting next Friday, Back of the Net 's Paul Watson gives a brief history of the tournament to date. 1960: Tournament created by poor administration The European Championships...
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Group B: Portugal – It's Not All About Him, You Know...

Friday 25 May 2012, 15:00

Back of the Net continue their light-hearted Euro 2012 preview . This afternoon, John Foster on a team looking to prove they can be more valuable than the 'Golden Generation': Portugal ... After...
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Group B: Denmark – Poulsen, Poulsen & Poulsen aim for glory

Friday 25 May 2012, 12:30

The Back of the Net boys continue their tongue-in-cheek look ahead to Euro 2012 . Here, John Foster on a team who have upset the odds once and are therefore statisticaly far less likely to do so again...
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Frédéric Kanouté ‘not at all sure who he has signed for’

Thursday 24 May 2012, 16:09

The Mali striker seems to have lost his bearings, as Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reports... Suspicions have surfaced that former Tottenham and West Ham star Frédéric Kanouté is unable to name the...
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Group B: Germany – Herr There or Thereabouts

Thursday 24 May 2012, 14:22

More tongue-in-cheek Euros previewage from the Back of the Net boys. Here, John Foster on a team you could never call a dark horse: Germany ... Famously always there or thereabouts, Germany were last there...
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Group B: Netherlands – Together As One, For Now

Thursday 24 May 2012, 09:35

The Back of the Net team's countdown to Euro 2012 continues with Paul Watson on Group B's top seeds, those ever-interesting men from the Netherlands ... This year’s qualification campaign boasted...
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Group A: Czech Republic – Might Not Surprise A Few People

Wednesday 23 May 2012, 15:19

The Back of the Net team continue their countdown to Euro 2012 with Paul Watson studying Group A's last and possibly least team, Czech Republic ... Past tournaments have shown that you underestimate...
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Group A: Greece – Cautious Football, Reckless Spending

Wednesday 23 May 2012, 10:00

The Back of the Net team are warming up for Euro 2012 with a few friendly looks at the teams involved. Here, John Foster looks at the high-spending, low-scoring enigma that is Greece ... The Greeks will...
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Group A: Russia – Excellent Control There

Tuesday 22 May 2012, 14:25

The Back of the Net team continue their build-up to Euro 2012 with individual team profiles. Here, Mark Watson – yep, him off the telly – looks beyond Poland and Ukraine to the brooding presence of Russia...
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Group A: Poland – It's Not All Fun & Games

Tuesday 22 May 2012, 11:52

From today, the Back of the Net boys will be counting down the days to Euro 2012 with team profiles and much more. To start with, Paul Watson starts with Group A's somewhat fortuitous top seeds, hosts...
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John Terry: Champions League victory exactly how I planned it

Monday 21 May 2012, 10:58

As the dust settles on Chelsea's amazing Champions League victory, Back of the Net 's John Foster explains that John Terry always knew things would unfold in such a fashion... Chelsea captain John...
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Everybody left out of Roy Hodgson's England squad

Thursday 17 May 2012, 11:30

England's new coach has really swung the axe, as Back of the Net 's John Foster explains... New England manager Roy Hodgson has been defending his surprise decision to leave everyone out of his...
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Bolton Wanderers' Kevin Davies too good to go down, FA confirms

Tuesday 15 May 2012, 15:02

The Football Association has been left with a massive logistical headache after it was forced to confirm that Bolton striker Kevin Davies is too good to go down. Bolton were relegated from the Premier...
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Newcastle sacrifice cult hero in attempt to appease angry god and seal Champions League spot

Friday 11 May 2012, 11:45

Things are heating up as the Premier League season draws to a close, quite literally for one for St James' Park hero, as Back of the Net' s John Foster reveals... Fearing their Champions League...
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Steve Kean still sort of believes Blackburn can maybe stay up, weary friends report

Wednesday 09 May 2012, 12:22

You and your precious Premier League may think Blackburn are down – but, according to Back of the Net 's Paul Watson , their ever-positive manager has different ideas... Worried sources close to Steve...
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Torres facing race against time to master Abide With Me

Friday 04 May 2012, 14:17

Chelsea face Liverpool in the FA Cup Final this weekend – but, according to Back of the Net 's Paul Watson , their reborn striker has a problem... Chelsea striker Fernando Torres is struggling to prove...
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Press hand Hodgson chalice that definitely isn't poisoned, oh no

Wednesday 02 May 2012, 13:16

With the FA naming Uncle Roy as the new England manager, Back of the Net' s John Foster has been to speak to some folks who are definitely 100% behind the new man and aren't upset their mate missed...
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McEachran disappointed to learn transfer talk just half-stifled sneezes

Thursday 26 April 2012, 16:07

The Chelsea rookie has been getting a bit ahead of himself, Back of the Net 's Paul Watson has more... Sources close to Swansea loanee Josh McEachran have relayed his disappointment at learning that...
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Swindon fans uneasy about the way Di Canio is saluting them

Tuesday 24 April 2012, 12:20

There have been a few awkward moments at The County Ground, Back of the Net 's John Foster has the 'details'... Flushed with success after securing promotion from League Two, Swindon Town boss...
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Bolton accidentally extend Steinsson's contract by 18,002 years

Friday 20 April 2012, 09:45

The Trotters have made a bit of a boo-boo, Back of the Net 's John Foster takes up the story... Bolton Wanderers’ fiscal prudence will come under scrutiny after a clerical error saw Gretar Steinsson...
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Lionel Messi thought ‘Gary Cahill’ was just a turn of phrase

Wednesday 18 April 2012, 10:00

As the European champions arrive in West London to face Chelsea, Back of the Net 's Paul Watson reveals a major oversight in their pre-match scouting... Barcelona star Lionel Messi has confessed in...
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West Bromwich Albion found to be a front organisation

Friday 13 April 2012, 11:35

Odd goings-on going on in the Midlands... Back of the Net 's Paul Watson has the scoop... A lengthy undercover operation commissioned by Back of the Net has revealed that West Bromwich Albion is nothing...
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Distracted Phil Dowd spends 90 minutes fretting about post-match handshakes

Thursday 12 April 2012, 10:16

Bemused by Dowd's decisions during Wigan's game with Man United? Back of the Net 's John Foster has the scoop... Phil Dowd spent the duration of Manchester United’s shock defeat to Wigan Athletic...
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John Arne Riise’s brother also plays for Fulham, reports shocked John Arne Riise

Thursday 05 April 2012, 12:17

Another curious tale from the world of football, Back of the Net 's John Foster has the details... John Arne Riise has been expressing his surprise at learning that his brother, Bjorn Helge Riise,...
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Preston intelligence leak arms Owls with lethal trivia

Wednesday 04 April 2012, 16:39

There's a big, sticky controversy in League One, Back of the Net 's Paul Watson investigates... Preston manager Graham Westley was left seething after discovering that members of his squad had...
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Darron Gibson’s war-cry lost in faint breeze

Friday 30 March 2012, 16:08

Everton's midfield general has been attempting to rally the troops, reports Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Darron Gibson’s attempt to rally his Everton team-mates in advance of Saturday’s game...
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Stewart Downing wakes up screaming in middle of game

Friday 23 March 2012, 16:21

The England wide-man hasn't enjoyed the most productive first season at Anfield, and Back of the Net 's John Foster knows why... Liverpool winger Stewart Downing has spoken of his anguish at waking...
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Moyes hails Everton’s "say die" attitude

Wednesday 14 March 2012, 12:03

He's back... former Pohnpei manager and outside bet for the England job Paul Watson chips in with the latest Back of the Net piece . Everton manager David Moyes was full of praise for his players after...
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Premier League defences terrorised by mysterious masked winger

Thursday 08 March 2012, 16:16

It's been a crazy season in the Premier League, and Back of the Net 's John Foster is here to serve up another piping hot slice of football knowledge pie... Rumours are spreading of a mysterious...
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Steve Bruce unable to explain rules of football to six-year-old child

Wednesday 29 February 2012, 14:20

The currently unemployed coach got himself in quite a pickle. Back of the Net 's John Foster sprays us with his fact hose... Former Sunderland manager Steve Bruce has proved incapable of explaining...
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Wolves appoint man who claims he was McCarthy’s assistant

Monday 27 February 2012, 14:39

His team may have fought back to draw at Newcastle on Saturday, but there's still mystery surrounding Wolves' new boss Terry Connor. Back of the Net 's John Foster investigates... Wolverhampton...
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Visiting Joe Cole wows Liverpool squad with French toast

Thursday 23 February 2012, 15:38

Six months after setting off for France, Joe Cole has proven he's learnt a thing or two. John Foster went to find out more... Lille loanee Joe Cole has used a brief visit to parent club Liverpool to...
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Kenwyne Jones bunks off Stoke training to play football

Thursday 09 February 2012, 11:17

Back of the Net 's John Foster with shock news from the Potteries Stoke City forward Kenwyne Jones has been spending less and less time in training, according to reports from the Britannia Stadium...
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De Gea: If I stare at the floodlights, I see angels

Tuesday 07 February 2012, 11:45

Back of the Net 's John Foster explains the United stopper's visions Manchester United keeper David de Gea insists that if he stares directly into the Old Trafford floodlights, a celestial host...
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Ball still bobbling around in Villa box, three days later

Wednesday 01 February 2012, 16:00

Seventy hours after the final whistle of their FA Cup fourth round defeat against Arsenal, a bedraggled Aston Villa back-line are still battling in vain to clear the ball from their penalty box, a statement...
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Wigan permitted to talk to Maynard, but not about football (or fishing)

Monday 30 January 2012, 09:30

The in-demand Bristol City striker is set for non-football related talks with Wigan, so says Back of the Net 's John Foster ... Bristol City have given Wigan Athletic permission to talk to highly-rated...
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Banana touted as potential banana skin

Friday 27 January 2012, 14:39

Back of the Net 's John Foster on the potential Tigers-taming tasty comestible A banana, Hull City’s opponents in the FA Cup Fourth Round, is being touted in various quarters as a potential banana...
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Nobody able to explain why Tony Hibbert is in Gabon

Tuesday 24 January 2012, 16:45

Back of the Net 's John Foster on the Africa Cup of Nations-induced selection headache facing Everton boss David Moyes (not really...) Everton’s Tony Hibbert has been spotted in Gabonese capital Libreville...
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Redknapp thinking outside the box in transfer quest, as O'Neill curries favour at Sunderland

Wednesday 18 January 2012, 13:13

Is it news? Is it plain? No, it's the return of Back of the Net ... Spurs target found to be carefully arranged pile of shoeboxes Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has admitted his disappointment after...
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