FourFourTwo's Inside Track

Can you name all 20 Premier League shirt sponsors?

2012-05-22T10:17:00Z

Well, can you?

After the 'success' of last season's sponsor naming quiz, we thought we'd test your memory (and the power of advertising) with another.

We've used cutting edge technology to mask the sponsors' names and logos on the home shirts of all 20 Premier League teams from the season just finished (or in Wolves' case, the season that finished back in February). How many can you remember? Do you know what these companies actually do? Don't you have some real work to be getting on with?

Click the link at the bottom of the page for the answers - no peeking!

Disclaimer: There's no prize, obviously

ANSWERS See how many you got right

Who should Roy take to Euro 2012?

2012-05-15T13:43:00Z

Workplaces up and down the land are abuzz with debate about who Roy Hodgson should take to Euro 2012, and Casa FourFourTwo is no exception. Here's what we think...

David Hall, Editor
Goalkeepers: Joe Hart, Rob Green, John Ruddy
Hart’s nailed on as number one. I’d take Ruddy for him to get a pinch of major championship spice (he could wind up a long term understudy for Hart) and I’d take Green because if Hart does end up “letting his country down” (TM every away ground that Green’s played in front of since), who better to have on hand to talk him through it?

Defenders: Kyle Walker, Micah Richards, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry, Gary Cahill, Phil Jones, Ashley Cole
Fisticuffs between Rio and John? Possibly. I’d like to think that maybe, just once, we could all be adults and focus on the job at hand rather than the mess created back home. There’s a good bit of pace in this defensive mix, a recurring theme in my 23. As a side note, after watching Terry, Cahill and Cole line up against Barcelona, I started to feel a lot more confident about the summer. But then I am a hopeless England romantic.

Midfielders: Michael Carrick, Scott Parker, Frank Lampard, Steve Gerrard, James Milner, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain
Experience and youth. Pace and guile. Exuberance and control. This selection should be able to cover all potential scenarios put before England. I think Carrick’s had a great season and should get a shot in front of the back four. Then it’s all about pace: two out of Walcott, Young or the Ox. I imagine an ageing Ukraine soiling their pants at the sheer speed of it all. In front of Carrick? Possibly Lampard: depends where his head’s at after the Champions League final.

Forwards: Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck, Daniel Sturridge, Andy Carroll, Darren Bent
Pace, pace and more pace up here. Welbeck and Sturridge would be my preferred pairing while Rooney is suspended; Carroll would be someone to throw on if things are going pear-shaped and Roy requires a kitchen sink-style plan B. Bent? God only knows if he’ll make it, but he does have a handy habit if being in the right place at the right time.

James Maw, Online Features Editor
Goalkeepers: Hart, Ruddy, Green
Hart is a no-brainer, of course. Green can entertain the rest with tales of his adventures in the Football League, while Ruddy has a very pun-friendly name, which is what we need going into a major tournament.

Defenders: Walker, Richards, Joleon Lescott, Cahill, Terry, Jones, Cole
Two caveats – namely the fitness of Cahill and Walker. Chris Smalling would've been ahead of Phil Jones, were it not for his unfortunately-timed groin injury. No space for Leighton Baines – Lescott is the back-up left-back. A risk, yes, but we may as well take a few.

Midfielders: Parker, Carrick, Lampard, Gerrard, Paul Scholes, Aaron Lennon, Young, Adam Johnson
Lennon has had a good season at Spurs, when not hampered by injury – his pace makes him a superb impact sub. Lampard's late-season form make him a must, while Adam Johnson brings a bit more craft in wider areas. As for Scholes, if Gary Neville can convince us it's worth spending four hours watching Blackburn against Wigan, he can convince his old mate to dust off his passport one last time and make the trip.

Forwards: Walcott, Rooney, Welbeck, Carroll, Oxlade-Chamberlain
Carroll's impressive recent performances edge him ahead of Peter Crouch for the 'lump it to the big man in a last-gasp attempt to bundle home a late goal in a game we really deserve to lose' spot. Oxlade-Chamberlain perhaps hasn't played as much as he would've liked this season, but he's as good a wild card as England are going to get.

Louis Massarella, Commissioning Editor
Goalkeepers: Hart, Green, Jack Butland
Simple theory. Hart’s the undisputed No.1, Green's the most experienced back-up available. As for Butland, what’s the point taking an experienced no.3 keeper unless he’s an amazingly good tourist guide/Scrabble player? Hugely unlikely to be needed on the pitch, so take a youngster for tournament/squad experience. Butland looks the most promising and has worked under new goalkeeping coach Dave Watson at Birmingham. Perfect.

Defenders: Walker, Richards, Lescott, Cahill, Jones, Cole, Baines
Feel sorry for Chris Smalling: he would have been in, has been playing well at centre-back, proved he can play right-back for England – and he has three A-levels, more than the rest of the squad combined. I’m taking a balls-out risk: no Terry or Rio. Both in decent form but nowhere near their best, so kill the debate, take neither, let’s move on. No excuses then – or perhaps the perfect excuse for not doing well. Not sure I trust Jones at CB yet, bit too buccaneering, but he is “the future” apparently. Also a good deputy for Parker in midfield. Richards is one of the two best right-backs, who can also play centrally. Carrick could play centre-back at a push too. Which leads us to...

Midfielders: Carrick, Parker, Barry, Gerrard, Lampard, Lennon, Young, Oxlade-Chamberlain
I really can’t understand why Carrick hasn't been in the squad recently. Better than Barry for me. Great positionally, loads of interceptions, two-footed passer, chips in with the odd goal, outstanding season in a lightweight Man United midfield. I’d play him alongside Parker. Lennon's back in on recent form, with Oxlade-Chamberlain because he can play on left as well as right and I'd prefer him as back-up to Young than a functional Milner. So, no Theo then? Not so fast...

Forwards: Rooney, Welbeck, Walcott, Sturridge, Carroll
Walcott must have been thinking “Oh no, not again”, having played in all the qualifiers, only for his form to dip recently and Lennon to come up on the rails as he did in 2010. For me, Theo has always been an instinctive player, more suited up top than out wide, where he has more time to think. He also reflects my one clear policy for this squad – to overload with England's main attribute: pace. Imagine Walcott coming on up top for the last 20 minutes... a defender’s nightmare. Welbeck and Sturridge deserve a berth, maybe even to start the opener. Sturridge, a rare left-footer, can also play wide. As for Carroll, I was going to plump for Crouch, who has been in good form and has previous at international level (against the like of the Isle of Wight, Bermuda and Guam), but as FFT’s ed pointed out, foreign refs just seems to penalise him because he’s really tall and thin and has to stoop to win a lot of headers. So Carroll it is, mainly because of recent form. I think he’d relish the opportunity – and that others would like playing off him.

Huw Davies, Staff Writer/Sub Editor
Goalkeepers: Hart, Ben Foster, Alex Smithies
It's concerning for England that there are few trustworthy replacements if Hart succumbs to injury: the second and third keeper spots are wide open. It’s a perfect opportunity for England to blood a talented youngster and give him tournament experience. Though injury has put his career on hold this season, 22-year-old Alex Smithies of Huddersfield is still a real prospect and no less reliable than Scott Carson or David Stockdale.

Defenders: Walker, Richards, Lescott, Cahill, Terry, Jones, Cole, Baines
Lescott can deputise at left-back, but England wouldn’t want to lose him in the middle. While he’s looked occasionally suspect at Chelsea of late, Terry is still one of few chest-thumpers who can inspire England in tough circumstances, even if he loses his first-team place to Lescott and Cahill. It’s unfortunate that the flexible Chris Smalling misses out, but it’s good news for the underrated Richards and PFA Young Player of the Year Walker, who no longer have to battle it out for one place. (Glen Johnson has been found out enough times now.) Jones should go as a utility player, capable across the defence and in central midfield should England’s holding players get crocked.

Midfielders: Parker, Carrick, Lampard, Gerrard, Milner, Lennon, Young, Walcott
Carrick should come in for the sidelined Jack Wilshere, with Parker the obvious choice to battle alongside him in the centre. Lampard and Gerrard may no longer be the players they were, but they still have a lot to offer – most importantly, goals from midfield. Milner is a useful squad choice, Young and Walcott are standard picks for pace. Pace is one of England’s key assets, so they need a ready replacement: with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain having played only a few hours of top-level football, the vastly improved Lennon – seriously missed by Tottenham when he was injured – could be a key impact sub.

Forwards: Rooney, Peter Crouch, Daniel Sturridge, Welbeck
Probably the hardest position to pick, with so many options offering so many different things. England would love an out-and-out finisher like Darren Bent or Jermain Defoe, but both lack game time. Fortunately, Welbeck has it in him to be a poacher, and Sturridge has said in the new issue of FourFourTwo that he’d like to do the same: lead the line, score the goals. England shouldn’t need a lanky lummox as Plan B, but they frequently do and Crouch is still the best option for that. He offers more than the alternatives – inconsistent Andy Carroll, goal-shy Bobby Zamora or untested Grant Holt, who many forget has only started 23 games for Norwich this season.

Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com Editor
Goalkeepers: Hart, Scott Carson, Scott Loach

Joe Hart is England's key player: nowhere else is the pool so shallow. With respect, you're picking the other two names from a hat (or cap); it'd be nice to have experienced back-up – Paul Robinson? – but they've all requested gardening leave.

Defenders: Richards, Walker, Cahill, Lescott, Jones, Phil Jagielka, Cole, Baines
Much as Hodgson might want John Terry and Rio Ferdinand focused, fit and at the top of their game, that hasn't been the case for years and the scope for off-field friction between the pair could poison the squad atmosphere. Without them it's a youngish defence, but Cahill and Lescott are hardly greenhorns and experience failed in 2010, so Fabio Capello was rejuvenating the squad anyway. Experience gained here will benefit several of the next generation.

Midfielders: Carrick, Parker, Barry, Gerrard, Lampard, Milner
Despite the absence of Jack Wilshere, England have decent options for the central positions – withdrawn and advanced. Carrick has excelled, Barry has learned a lot, Steve'n'Frank offer experience (and options behind the main striker until Rooney returns) and Milner will do an intelligent job anywhere.

Forwards: Rooney, Carroll, Welbeck, Young, Lennon, Walcott
Coming into form bang on time, Carroll is a very different option up top. Welbeck squeaks out rival Danny Sturridge on account of more sharp-end experience (and day-job time spent with Rooney and Young), while Walcott similarly holds off clubmate Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain – for the time being: England have plenty of fast, tricky wide attackers, with Adam Johnson another overlooked option.

--------------

The FourFourTwo Squad
Fingers and toes asplay, we've worked out how many times each player has been selected by the assembled ~~idiots~~ experts:

5: Joe Hart, Kyle Walker, Micah Richards, Gary Cahill, Phil Jones, Ashley Cole, Michael Carrick, Scott Parker, Frank Lampard, Steve Gerrard, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck
4: Joleon Lescott, Aaron Lennon, Andy Carroll
3: Rob Green, Leighton Baines, John Terry, James Milner, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Daniel Sturridge
2: John Ruddy, Gareth Barry
1: Jack Butland, Ben Foster, Alex Smithies, Scott Carson, Scott Loach, Rio Ferdinand, Phil Jagielka, Paul Scholes, Adam Johnson, Darren Bent, Peter Crouch

Adding the players picked by five, four and three FFT writers totals 23, so the selected-by-committee squad is:

Goalkeepers: Joe Hart, Rob Green
Defenders: Kyle Walker, Micah Richards, Gary Cahill, Phil Jones, Ashley Cole, Joleon Lescott, Leighton Baines, John Terry
Midfielders: Michael Carrick, Scott Parker, Frank Lampard, Steve Gerrard, Aaron Lennon, James Milner
Forwards: Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck, Andy Carroll, Daniel Sturridge, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Theo Walcott, Ashley Young

The observant will notice that there's not enough goalkeepers there – so John Ruddy would have to replace either Baines, Terry, Milner, Oxlade-Chamberlain and Sturridge. Not easy, this selection lark, is it?

Heroes & Villains: Loyalty, levellers, lunacy and livestock

2012-05-08T10:34:00Z

HEROES

Roberto Martinez
Loyalty in football is a rare thing, so it’s heartening to see it pay off so comprehensively in Roberto Martinez’s case. It’s impossible to give former Swansea boss enough credit for what he has accomplished at the DW Stadium this season. On Monday night his side clinched safety with a game to spare and leapfrogged Alec McLeish's Aston Villa, which vindicates the Spaniard’s decision to turn down the manager’s job there. What the Villa faithful wouldn’t give to see Martinez instead of McLeish in the dugout.

Wigan have subverted all of the clichés of what it takes to survive in the Premier League, as it is their expansive, inventive football that has catapulted them out of harm’s way this time around. Their wins over Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool have earned the headlines, but there was something equally impressive about the manner of their performance at Ewood Park.
There was a relaxed patience about their businesslike approach, an enjoyment about their football that was all the more obvious when contrasted against the grim ashen faces in the home end.

Wigan may not have started the season well but they've finished with 18 points in eight games, a total unmatched by anyone except fifth-placed Newcastle. Next time a queue forms for Martinez’s signature, Villa will find themselves far down the pecking order.

Yaya Toure
The introduction of Nigel de Jong in place of Samir Nasri on the hour may well be heralded as the most significant substitution of the Premier League season. The Dutch bull terrier was neat and tidy enough in breaking up Newcastle’s attacks but it was the effect the switch had further up the field that settled matters at the erstwhile St James’ Park.

City’s lack of a Plan B if their little fleet-footed forwards failed to puncture defences was responsible for their springtime slump, but in pushing Yaya Toure up behind Sergio Aguero, they have a one-man alternative that the Uniteds of Manchester and Newcastle have been unable to resist.

The former Barcelona midfielder is City’s big man for the big occasions: he’s now scored in three of City’s biggest matches in recent history – the FA Cup semi-final against United, the final against Stoke and in this almost-but-not-quite title decider. Surely now the only team that can stop City are City themselves, which is a staggering turnaround after that miserable Sunday afternoon at the Emirates Stadium.

If they do finish the job, it’s the team’s spine that has sealed their title. In Joe Hart, Vincent Kompany, Joleon Lescott, Gareth Barry, Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero, they have six players that have delivered eight-out-of-20 performances all season long. Three more home points, or the final act in the “typical City” tragicomedy? Next Sunday will decide.

QPR
The pitch invasion at the climax of QPR’s last-gasp win against Stoke might have been premature but you could forgive the Rs fans their overexcitement after the stars aligned for them at Loftus Road and the Reebok Stadium.

Djibril Cisse’s late winner and James Morrison’s late equaliser against fellow strugglers Bolton have ensured that victory against the champions-elect isn’t as mandatory as it had seemed for long periods of this match. Now two points clear of the relegation zone, Mark Hughes's side know if Bolton don't win at Stoke, all three newly-promoted sides will have escaped the drop for the first time since 2002, when the three survivors were Fulham, Blackburn… and Bolton.

Roy Hodgson
Baggies supporters wore England shirts in honourt of the national team’s new manager, and the good-natured atmosphere in the Reebok's away end radiated onto the pitch as West Brom fought back from two down to snatch a point.

The level of desire shown by West Brom was heartwarming for Bolton’s relegation rivals, not to mention England fans: Hodgson's men had little to play for compared to their opponents, but never gave up and in the end outplayed their hosts. James Morrison netted on his return from injury to level matters in the dying seconds after Chris Brunt had rifled home with 15 minutes to go.

VILLAINS

Owen Coyle
At 2-0 at the Reebok Stadium and 0-0 at Loftus Road, things were looking rosy for Owen Coyle’s men. Then came two questionable substitutions (replacing the relentless David Ngog with the paceless Ivan Klasnic and the game's key creator Martin Petrov with the barely fit Chung-Yong Lee), two lapses in concentration, two points dropped – and 200 miles away, QWPR’s last-gasp winner – have left Bolton staring into the abyss. A trip to the Britannia Stadium might have been overhyped as the ultimate gauntlet but it’s still a pig of a fixture for a team needing all three points to have a hope of survival.

Bolton’s woes have been one of the biggest surprises in a season littered with shocks. Optimism was in ready supply going into the new campaign in August thanks to Coyle's progressive, aesthetically-pleasing football but a combination of costly injuries, poor signings and disastrous defending have caused Coyle’s stock as one of the brightest young British managers in football to collapse.

Perhaps the Scot can take some solace in the fact that QPR are travelling to a team with 17 home wins this season aiming to wrap up the title – and that their own away record is relatively decent: no team in the bottom half has won more away games than Bolton, who have won at every team below Stoke in the league. He's certainly upbeat, as he usually is.

"We knew we were going to have to go to Stoke anyway and earn a result so maybe it's a good thing that a draw won't be enough,” said Coyle. "We have to earn the right to get in front and make sure we don't give up soft goals. If we do that I'm convinced we can win a very tough game."

Steve Kean
All the talk from Ewood Park this season has centred around the notion of the players believing in their beleaguered manager. Are the players playing for the shirt? Is Steve Kean the right men to lead them? Are Venky’s running the club into the ground?

Who cares? They’re just not very good. Save for one or two decent results at the turn of the year, it’s never looked like Steve Kean was going to prevent Blackburn ending their 11-year top-flight stay.

The only moment of relief for Blackburn came in comic form, when a chicken in a Rovers flag was unleashed onto the Ewood Park pitch. The bird showed all the neat footwork and invention lacking in Blackburn's players, easily evading Yakubu before Ali Al-Habsi finally brought the pitch invader into custody, presumably to be sent to a factory in India.

The removal of Sam Allardyce remains one of the more bizarre and masochistic boardroom decisions in recent Premier League history, especially when his replacement was unproven and lacking the charisma required to change dubious minds.

The Blackburn fans' default chants this season have been “Kean Out” and "Venkys Out", but with the manager insisting he'll stick around and the owners unlikely to find a buyer for their damaged goods, it’ll be interesting to see if the baying hordes’ thirst for blood is sated ahead of a season where this particular club currently deserves to be: the Championship.

Mario Balotelli
Still yet to return to the pitch after his impression of a walking red card at the Emirates Stadium, Mario Balotelli has had plenty of time to sit on the naughty step after being left out of the squad altogether at Newcastle. With John Guidetti returning to the Etihad Stadium after a hugely impressive loan spell at Feyenoord, the odds are shortening on Super Mario kicking off 2012/13 elsewhere.

Sir Alex Ferguson
Perhaps it’s disrespectful to Swansea to criticise United for failing to win by the kind of margin that would have put them back in control of the title race. If all hope is lost for United, it’s surely the away defeat to Wigan and their most un-United-like failure to see out their 4-2 advantage at home to Everton that have done for them.

There was a flatness at Old Trafford for their final home match of the season that barely lifted even after Ashley Young put them 2-0 up with a special finish. Sir Alex’s attempts to summon up the club’s famous never-say-die spirit after the team completed a lap of honour to a half-empty stadium sounded like a public clutching of straws.

However, this is Manchester United, and it’ll take someone braver than this correspondent to write them off completely, even if this looks like a bottling job that few thought a Sir Alex Ferguson team capable of.

North London
Does anybody actually want these Champions League places? First Arsenal pass up the chance to all but guarantee their berth, by allowing Norwich a third goal through Steve Morison’s late leveller. Then 10-man Tottenham failed to overcome lowly Aston Villa, ensuring the fight will go to the final day. Both clubs have had far more opportunities to wrap up qualification than they would have had in previous years, but time after time the North London sides have stuttered at the crucial moment.

It could continue. Arsenal face Roy Hodgson’s farewell party at the Hawthorns and Spurs have a dangerous-looking encounter with in-form Fulham; both teams will be looking anxiously over their shoulders at the much more in-form Chelsea and Newcastle.
Perhaps if the more brainless factions of both team’s support would stop the tedious “mind the gap” sentiments and concentrate on more than simply getting one over on each other, they could hope to go on and challenge the Manchester order as both have threatened to do at times this season.

Meet the man attending his 1,000th consecutive QPR home game

2012-05-04T10:58:00Z

From youthful record-breaker to radio commentator, Tony Incenzo has seen it all at Loftus Road. He tells Tom Bennett about his four-decade odyssey...

"I think I’ll have to leave about 6am just in case – I don’t want to chance anything this week...”

This Sunday, talkSPORT reporter Tony Incenzo will tread a familiar path to Loftus Road for relegation-haunted QPR's vital clash with Stoke City. Like all Rs fans, Incenzo will be anxious to get there on time – “as radio broadcasters, we usually have to arrive early to set up and test equipment" – but with more reason than most, for the fixture will be his 1,000th consecutive Rangers home game.

On April 28th 1973, the 10-year-old Incenzo attended QPR's clash with Fulham. He hasn't missed a home game since – league, cup, friendly or testimonial. “I was only a little boy at primary school and I thought I’d go along to the terraces at Loftus Road to watch QPR," he explains.

"I’ve now been there for 39 years and I hope that I’ll be there for 39 years more. I can’t see a reason for it ever ending. I am a true football supporter and I will always stand by and support my club.”

That first game ended in a 2-0 victory for his beloved QPR, who had already been promoted to the First Division. The journey ahead had many highs and lows to come, from Rangers going into administration in 2001 and suffering an FA Cup first-round defeat by non-league Vauxhall Motors in 2002 to their Premier League promotion last season – he really has seen it all.

“When we lost to Vauxhall Motors in the FA Cup we really did hit rock bottom," he recalls. "It was an awful time for the football club. We were relegated the season before and it didn’t look like things could get any worse. No disrespect to non-league sides, but that was really the lowest point.”

Incenzo’s career as a football reporter has only aided his perpetual attraction to the club and given him a front seat for some of the club’s most applauded memories. “I remember on the final day of last season when everyone was waiting on whether we’d be getting a points deduction. I was able to break the news live on the radio – breaking news – that QPR wouldn’t be docked points and would play in the Premier League this season. It was incredible.”

After that final-day hysteria and following his regular post-match interview with manager Neil Warnock, Incenzo experienced what most fans can only dream of. “While the interview broadcasted on air, I was able to hold the Championship trophy. Warnock was holding it and then passed it around to all the journalists. I would have taken it home with me if Warnock had let me! It's simply amazing to have that much access to the club you support."

Tony with the Football League trophy

There have been other high points. “The FA Cup Final in 1982 was also such a special moment, in particular the home victory against Crystal Palace in the quarter-final. Those are the sort of moments you will never forget.”

The young Incenzo began visiting grounds and he hasn't stopped since. Incenzo had visited all 92 Football League stadiums by the time he was 17 – a record which earned him a five-minute interview on the Saturday morning show Noel Edmonds' Swap Shop.

Three decades on, he has now attended games at an extraordinary 1,750 different grounds. “Last Tuesday I went to Linton Granta in the Cambridgeshire Counties League, which shows the level that I’m down to. I’ve been to all the Conference, Conference North, Southern Premier etc – and I’m now working my way down through the leagues…”

Every young lad dreams of meeting his footballing idol, and of course Incenzo is one of the privileged few whose wishes have been fulfilled. “Stan Bowles always used to be my favourite player, my hero and my idol, and now I’m friends with him and chat regularly. I also used to admire Gerry Francis, another player who I now know very well. Last week I spoke to him on the phone twice.”

Tony (at right, aged 12) with QPR legend Dave Thomas

Incenzo parallels his love of the game to the love of his career, which has seen him work for a number of media outlets including Sky Sports. “If you can’t be a footballer, working in the media for football is the next best thing," he explains. "I can remember describing forwards scoring goals, and I just say it as if I was the one scoring.”

He's as qualified as anyone to assess the extent to which our game has changed throughout the decades. “It’s faster, it has a much higher tempo. The speeds at which these players play is incomparable. Also the money involved with football nowadays has increased dramatically.”

If those are the changes brought about during his first 1,000 consecutive home games, what changes will the next 1,000 bring? “You can never tell what the future of football will hold. I’d expect things to grow commercially, especially abroad. I know QPR have links with Malaysia and India so we’ll probably see something over in Asia. I also think a European club league will break off separately to the Premier League.”

As Incenzo prepares for this weekend’s glorious milestone at Loftus Road, his club face the possibility of relegation from the Premier League, but if the worst were to happen, they can of course count on his continued support.

“Even if we went down this year it wouldn’t affect me too much. I’d still keep going to every match; I can’t think of a reason that would prevent me from doing so. We have the financial backing and support at the club so if we did go down I don’t see any reason why we can’t come back up again.”

Tony Incenzo is a reporter for talkSPORT.
He was interviewed by Tom Bennett, editor of The Youth Radar.

The rule changes that could hand the title to Man United

2012-05-02T14:11:00Z

Earlier this week, Manchester City leapfrogged their local rivals United into top spot on goal difference – and after the match, Gary Neville revealed that Sir Alex Ferguson always drilled into his players how terrible it would be to lose the title on goal difference.

This set us wondering if the Govan knight could protect his youngsters by appealing for a late change to the Premier League's absurdly meritocratic differentiation criteria (points, goal difference, goals scored) and adopting some methods previously tried here and abroad. But how many would lift the champions back into pole position?

There's no point changing back to the two-points-per-win system abandoned (on Jimmy Hill's insistence) in 1981: both teams have won 26 times.

Using the old Goal Average system – in which goals scored are divided by goals conceded, and abandoned in England in 1976 – City still win comfortably, 3.259 to 2.606.

Under the head-to-head system, used (in preference to goal difference) in La Liga, City still win…

…and obviously City would win on the away goals rule between the two teams. However, if we compare away goals across the entire campaign United are top – just: each team has scored 36, but United have conceded three fewer goals on the road than City's 17.

If we apply the criteria UEFA use in international qualifying to rank runners-up – ie ignoring results against the lowest-ranking teams in certain tables – then we have to discount the Manchester rivals' results against Wolves. City beat them 2-0 and 3-1, but United won 5-0 and 4-1, so again it's bad news for Fergie…

Perhaps United could press for the introduction of the Argentinian system for deciding relegation candidates, which is to average out each team's points hauls from the last three years. Under this system – which has long been accused of favouring big teams having an off year – United would be nine points clear of their rivals.

Various leagues around Planet Football have tried other tweaks to their league tables. Throughout the 1960s the Greeks utilised a "3-2-1" system, whereby draws gave two points and even losses a point. In this instance that wouldn't change anything bar the totals, as the teams have each won 26, drawn five and lost five. Oh well.

A few leagues, notably France in the 1970s, have awarded a bonus point for scoring three or more goals. This is something City in particular have managed with aplomb, 13 times at home (including one 3-3 draw) and six times away to United's eight times at home (again, including one draw) and five times away. (If a second bonus point were awarded for a sixth goal, United would get one for their 8-2 annihilation of Arsenal… but City would get two for their two 6-1 wins at Carrow Road, and, well, you know the other place they won 6-1.)

For one season in the early '80s, the League of Ireland awarded an extra point for away wins and draws (so four for an away win, three for home win, two for away draw, one for home draw). United's 12 wins and three draws on the road would bag them an extra 15 points compared to City's 13 (nine wins, four draws).

In mid-80s Bulgaria, teams received no points for scoreless draws. City and United don't often do blank games: in fact they've only managed one between them this season, and City would be really regretting their Boxing Day deadlock with West Brom. Whatever happened to that bright young Baggies boss?

Meanwhile in those crazy mid-80s, over in China, headers counted double in the league table (not in the match – you couldn't instantly come back from two down by flicking it up and nodding it in). No Premier League team has scored more headers than United's 15 this season, but City have bagged nine (including Vincent Kompany's in this week's summit meeting) so they'd still be two goals ahead.

At the same time, the Chinese also awarded bonus points for each team member called up to the national squad. City have had six players capped by England this year (Hart, Richards, Lescott, Barry, Johnson and Milner); United have had five (Smalling, Jones, Young, Rooney and Welbeck) but have also had call-ups for Cleverley, Carrick and Ferdinand, so they win on that score.

If all else fails, United could resort to the measures used in playgrounds and pubs everywhere: My Stadium's Bigger Than Your Stadium...

...and anyway, We've Won More Trophies...

...and More Lead Singers From Simply Red Support Us. So ner!

In the new issue: England, Germany, Holland, Spain & the Metropolitan Police

2012-05-02T10:14:00Z

If you’re worried about the season coming to a close and long football-less summer stretching ahead of you, then you’ve clearly forgotten about the European Championship. Not to worry: it’s our job at FourFourTwo to remind you, so that’s what we’ve done – and how.

This month's issue of FourFourTwo comes with our legendary tournament supplement. That’s 68 silky pages on Euro 2012, with the full lowdown, strengths, weaknesses, kit guides, tactical analyses and interviews with a player from every nation, including Xavi, Petr Cech and Yohan Cabaye.

Plus, we look back at how the European Championship turned from an unliked mini-tournament into a glorious monster cup, and why this year’s event will be the best ever.

And in the main issue, we have not one, not two, not even three but FOUR different covers for you to choose from. Or you can buy all four if you want. That’d be nice for us, but don’t feel you have to. (Do it.)

Poland and Ukraine will host the most hotly anticipated Euros tournament in years, and with a number of teams in it to win it, we bring you the interviews and the inside stories on Spain, Germany, Holland and, of course, England.

Some say that England are in freefall, devoid of a captain, Rooney for two games and any hope of success. We say: nonsense. The Three Lions can lift the trophy, and by looking at lessons from history and speaking to members of heroic underdogs Denmark in ’92 and Greece in 2004, we tell you how.

We also speak to Joe Hart, Ashley Young and two young striking hopes in Danny Welbeck and Daniel Sturridge, both looking to step into Rooney’s shoes, to see why they’re confident of springing a shock. And if you’re still not convinced, tactical experts detail how England can win without Wazza.

And now: a road trip. First, we look at how Holland recovered from the night that killed a proud tradition of Total Football, “destroying a 40-year tradition and dragging it through the s**t” (not our words). Rafael van der Vaart explains how they’re going to restore pride to the Dutch game.

Next stop, Germany. FFT investigates how a foreign invasion made the Germans a modern power in world football. They could win the Euros this summer, thanks to a little help from a Brazilian player, a Pole, a Nigerian ...you get the picture. And just to make it even clearer, we speak to Polish-born Lukas Podolski about his dream of winning the European Championship in his home country.

So one of England, Holland and Germany could win the Euros... but what about holders Spain? Sorry, chaps. FFT can reveal that La Roja’s dominance will end this year, due to dressing room unrest, crushing fatigue and... well, you’ll have to read the feature to find out. In the sake of fairness, Fernando Llorente and Vicente Del Bosque tell us they’re not worried, and Xavi explains why England “intrigue” him.

But the June issue isn’t all about the Euros. We travel to Argentina for the exclusive story on football’s biggest ever mistake. One day in early 2000, a kid by the name of Lionel Messi tried out for River Plate and scored eight goals. Naturally, River went straight ahead and signed... his mate. Find out how they dropped the ball in a decision that changed history, and how it all came down to an argument over a window seat.

Back on home soil, we go to watch the team that tackles criminals on a daily basis but only gets cautioned at the weekend. The Metropolitan Police FC, and their two fans, are looking for promotion – and they’re even less popular than Crawley.

And that’s not all. The madness of the Football League hasn’t excited just Manish and Claridge on a Saturday evening – we love it. We look back on the moments when the lower leagues went berserk, from rants and text pests to a severely disturbing injury to the nether regions.

You wouldn’t have seen that kind of controversy down at Portman Road when Alf Ramsey was at the helm. We mark the 50-year anniversary of Ipswich’s title triumph by recalling and celebrating what could have been Ramsey’s real finest moment.

What’s more, we put your questions to Shay Given ahead of the biggest summer of his career. Likes include: Bobby Robson and Kenny Dalglish. Dislikes include: Ruud Gullit and being reminded of that Dion Dublin goal.

Still not enough for you? Luckily, we’re feeling generous. Buy the new issue and you can also feast your eyes on interviews with Nicklas Bendtner, Mikel Arteta, Benoit Assou-Ekotto and Bryan Robson, plus many more besides.

If you buy one football magazine this month, make it this one.

The June 2012 issue of FourFourTwo and Euro 2012 supplement was brought to you by... Xavi, Nilmar, Bryan Robson, Alan Shearer, Daniel Sturridge, Shay Given, Giorgio Chiellini, Nikica Jelavic, Sebastian Larsson, Darren Anderton, Ashley Young, Vicente del Bosque, Matt Le Tissier, George Cohen, Neil Danns, Rafael van der Vaart, Hugo Almeida, Yohan Cabaye, Mikel Arteta, Koloman Gogh, Richard Gough, Clarke Carlisle, Nobby Solano, Petr Cech, Nigel de Jong, hurdles champion Dai Greene, Udinese manager Francesco Guidolin, Paul ‘Sensible’ Merson, Julian Gray, Joe Hart, Peter Schmeichel, Mark Burchill, Christopher Wright, Lukas Podolski, Fernando Llorente, Cameron Jerome, Nathan Pond, Ruslan Rotan, Georgios Samaras, Nicklas Bendtner, Ray Crawford, Danny Welbeck, Tulio Maravilha, Wayne Routledge, Teddy Sheringham, Jason Demetriou, Per Mertesacker, Jakub Blaszczykowski (try saying that drunk), Diniyar Bilyaletdinov (and that), Shane Long, Santi Cazorla, Stelios Giannakopoulos, Michel Salgado, Benoit Assou-Ekotto, Gibraltar’s manager, football’s WAGs, the worst professional team in the UK and the man who was better than Messi.

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor: Who we think Roy will pick

2012-05-01T17:00:00Z

So it's Roy, not Harry, who will attempt to sail the perhaps not very good ship England through the choppy waters of Poland and Ukraine.

We've spent the last few months trying to second guess Fabio Capello, then the FA, then Knappsy.

But, having evidently wasted all that time, here is our final prediction for England's Euro 2012 squad...

Key:
▲ = moving up
▼ = moving down
■ = non mover
● = new entry

Players are ranked in order of certainty of selection

1 Wayne Rooney - Manchester United ■
Playing well and scoring goals. Don’t. Get. Injured.

2 Joe Hart - Manchester City ■
Best England No.1 post-Seaman. Another man England can't afford to be without.

3 Steven Gerrard - Liverpool ▲
Main goal threat from midfield. May need to shoulder goalscoring burden during Rooney's ban.

4 Scott Parker - Tottenham ▼
Has tired over the last two months but will still add bite to the midfield.

5 Ashley Cole - Chelsea ■
Has improved as the season has gone on. A star of Chelsea's resurgence.

6 Joleon Lescott - Manchester City ▲
Arguably the best English defender in the Premier League this year.

7 Theo Walcott - Arsenal ▲
England’s biggest threat is pace, and in-form Theo has that in spades.

8 Gary Cahill - Chelsea ▲
A goalscoring defender: always a plus in tournaments. Showed his quality against Barcelona.

9 James Milner - Manchester City ▼
Versatile as a Swiss Army knife. One of Capello's favourites - will Roy rate him as highly?

10 Frank Lampard - Chelsea ■
Has come into form at the right time for club and country. Experience could be crucial.

11 Ashley Young - Manchester United ▲
May not be Mr Popular with the public at present, but England form has been good over last 18 months.

12 John Terry - Chelsea ■
Takes command in big games

13 Michael Carrick - Manchester United ●
Must replace the injured Wilshere; the best English midfielder this season bar none.

14 Kyle Walker - Tottenham ■
Strong and pacy, like club-mate Parker, he has tired of late, but still likely to travel.

15 Danny Welbeck - Manchester United ■
The primary lone striking option. Could be thrust in at the deep end during Rooney suspension.

16 Leighton Baines - Everton ▼
Reliable understudy to Cole; made it into the PFA team of the year.

17 Phil Jones - Manchester United ▲
Offers cover in three positions and growing in maturity.

18 Gareth Barry - Manchester City ▼
Dependable, if uninspiring; may be required to settle the midfield.

19 Peter Crouch - Stoke City ●
Has enjoyed a good first season at Stoke, and Roy is said to be a fan.

20 Scott Carson - Bursaspor ■
A firm second choice in goal, and Roy will know how enlightening working abroad can be.

21 Daniel Sturridge - Chelsea ▼
Another fleet-footed option, though question marks over decision making and perceived 'selfishness'.

22 Robert Green - West Ham ■
Solid for the Hammers, but will playing outside the top flight hinder his chances?

23 Paul Scholes - Manchester United ●
Wanted: a passer in the middle of the park. We can hope, right?

Those on the outside

Aston Villa's Darren Bent will almost certainly be involved should he recover sufficiently from the ankle ligament injury which has ruled him out of action for the last two months. Micah Richards, Phil Jagielka and Rio Ferdinand will all be waiting in the wings for a defensive spot to free up should any injuries occur.

The most likely of Roy's West Brom charges to make the trip could well be Ben Foster. The keeper, on loan from Birmingham, took a break from international football last May, but could be encouraged to return by a manager who knows him well.

Of the new coach's other former players, Fulham midfielder Danny Murphy and QPR striker Bobby Zamora stand out as being in with a chance of earning a late call-up. Murphy could be a good option for a deep-lying midfield string-puller, should Paul Scholes decline any potential advances, while Zamora has the strength and aerial ability to lead the line alone if need be. Zamora, who played for Hodgson at Fulham between 2008 and 2010, has perhaps jumped Jermain Defoe and the slowly-improving Andy Carroll in the queue for the final forward berth should Darren Bent fail to return from injury.

A lack of prolonged spells of form, fitness or playing time will most likely hinder Stewart Downing, Aaron Lennon and Adam Johnson's chances.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain represents the most likely 'wild card', but having not yet secured regular football at Arsenal, despite some hugely impressive cameos, will almost certainly work against him.

Inside the derby – with Mancini, Vidic, Micah and Cleverley

2012-04-30T15:44:00Z

The November 2011 issue of FourFourTwo previewed the Manchester derby with a cover story examining the history of the fixture and interviewing several protagonists. It makes for fascinating reading...

Roberto Mancini
FFT: Manchester United have set a high standard in recent seasons. If you finish above them, do you think you will win the league title this campaign?
RM: I think so, for sure! United began winning many years ago and they have a winning mentality, so it's not easy to match them and be on their level so quickly. They’re one of the best teams in the world, but we have a good team as well.

What’s your relationship with Sir Alex Ferguson like?
I have a good relationship with Sir Alex. For all he has achieved over the past 20 years, he deserves the kind of respect he gets. He’s a good guy and I like him – but it would be great if I could beat him this season!

How much has the atmosphere around Manchester changed?
It’s very important for the city of Manchester that both teams are at the top, playing great football and are in the Champions League. Now, Manchester is like Milan or Rome, which can only be a very good thing.

What kind of reaction do you get from Manchester United fans when you are out and about?
They are very good and respectful. They smile and say hello and I can go to the city centre without any problems. From time  to time I bump into their players and they are respectful too; good guys as well as great football players.

Nemanja Vidic
FFT: What did you know about the Manchester derby before you came to England?
NV: Not much. Then, it was not one of the derbies that is known all over the world, like Manchester United versus Liverpool or Arsenal and Chelsea. Now it is different. The games are much more competitive and everyone knows how important it is.

That’s possibly because when you first arrived, City were at a very different end of the table to United. Could you tell it meant a lot even then?
Yes, it was still important within the club. The first game after I signed was a Manchester derby. I didn't play but I was in the dressing room before the game and Sir Alex Ferguson made it clear we could not lose. He told us all how important it was. That is something I understood because derbies are the same everywhere. It is like the Belgrade derby, Red Star versus Partizan. As soon as you see it, you realise how much it means.

What did you make of it?
It wasn't just my first game as a United player, but the first English game I had ever seen live. We lost. Patrice Evra, who had been signed at the same time as me, played and he didn’t do too well. It was good to have the chance to see what English football was like. It was so fast, really tough, and all the players seemed so big. The passion was a real surprise, too.

Even as a United player, is it good for the city that both clubs are doing well?
Definitely. As a player, you want to be part of the big games. They have more tension, more quality. They are more difficult, but that's why you play football: to play against good players, good teams, in front of good crowds. All of the excitement we have had against City in the last few years means it is the best atmosphere in the stadium when we play them.

Do these games feel different now? Is it the most important game of your season?
We've had a few games against City in the last few years where we have won in the last minute and the excitement has been incredible. It is maybe going to be one of the most important games for us in the next few years. There is more pressure when you play against them now. Derbies are about the fans: it's them who have to go into work tomorrow and see the other fans, and it's them who get texts straight after the game, with a joke about United players or City players.

Micah Richards
FFT: How has the rivalry with United changed during your 10 years at the club?
MR: I have noticed a change but not in the way you might imagine. There was more of a derby vibe a few years ago when we had the likes of Nedum Onuoha, Michael Johnson, Stephen Ireland and Richard Dunne, because they knew what winning the derby was all about. It’s still an important game, but it’s more about who can play the better football rather than blood-and-thunder challenges – that’s what derbies used to be  all about. It’s definitely different.

What’s it like around the city for the players? You must pull up alongside each other at traffic lights on the way to training and bump into each other all the time in restaurants and shops?
Yeah, I see some of their lads outside of football as I’m good friends with Tom Cleverley and Danny Welbeck from the England under-21s – they’re good lads, but on derby day, all friendship is forgotten!

Tom Cleverley
Is it a good thing for City and United that your closest rivals are now your nearest neighbours?
It’s good for Manchester and the Manchester derby, which was one-sided for a long time. City have made good signings and they’re playing well. There will be a bigger than normal build-up around the derby.

You’ve actually played with a lot of the City players…
I know Micah [Richards] best from England’s under-21s and I’ve been with England alongside Lescott, Johnson, Barry and Joe Hart. There’s a lot of United and City players with England and the Community Shield was brought up. They were saying that we didn’t batter them, whereas we explained quite clearly that we did. It was a great game, really exciting, and I’m sure it will be the same again when we play them in the league.

----------

From the November 2011 issue of FourFourTwo. Interviews by David Clayton (Mancini and Richards), Rory Smith (Vidic) and Andy Mitten (Cleverley).

Heroes & Villains: Torres restored, Spurs find saviour, McLeish's Villa pointless

2012-04-30T07:30:00Z

RESULTS Sat 28 Apr Everton 4-0 Fulham, Norwich 0-3 Liverpool, Stoke 1-1 Arsenal, Sunderland 2-2 Bolton, Swansea 4-4 Wolves, West Brom 0-0 Aston Villa, Wigan 4-0 Newcastle Sun 29 Apr Chelsea 6-1 QPR, Tottenham 2-0 Blackburn.

Heroes

Roberto Martinez
Five wins out of seven have left Wigan looking like they’re going to escape relegation the hard way yet again. Usually one would assume a team making a late charge for safety would have done so by rolling their sleeves up and shedding more than a few bucket loads of sweat, but Wigan have subverted all of the clichés this season by toppling Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool and now, Newcastle United by playing the expansive, eye-catching brand of football demanded by their Spanish boss.
Their sudden upturn in fortunes could be attributed to subtle tweaking of Martinez’s system, or maybe their style is just better suited to facing quality opposition – whatever it is, Wigan are now three points clear of the relegation zone with two to play. A win against Blackburn next Monday evening should be enough to see them defy gravity – and early season expectations - for another year. If they do, and they can hold onto their manager, perhaps next term they can finally aspire to more than just mere survival.

Fernando Torres
The Camp Nou hero looked restored to his former glory with a hat-trick in Sunday’s 6-1 butchering of QPR at Stamford Bridge. It wasn’t just the clinical finishing that had returned, but also the movement, awareness and explosive pace over the first five yards that once made him the Premier League’s most feared marksman during his first three years in England.
His first Premier League treble since Liverpool’s 6-1 win over Hull in September 2009 boosted Chelsea’s hopes of claiming that lucrative fourth Champions League spot, should they fail to win the pot itself in Munich.
If there is one note of caution, it’s that we’ve previously heralded the ‘second coming’ of Nando, only for the freckly-faced forward to go missing the following week. Next weekend is the FA Cup Final, we note. Against his former club, we note. This would certainly be a good time to finally show a bit of consistency in a blue shirt.

Nikica Jelavic
“Follow the Jelavic road,” sing the Everton faithful in tribute to their new hero. He may have only arrived in January, but he’s already the club’s top scorer for the season, having netted 10 goals in his first 13 games at the Merseyside club.
There were question marks over Jelavic’s ability to make the step up from the SPL to the Premier League, but he’s adapted seamlessly to life south of the border and played a huge role in Everton scoring four goals in three consecutive Premier League matches.
The Croatian’s most recent two strikes contributed to a hugely impressive 4-0 win over in-form Fulham. The Toffees are two points ahead of city rivals Liverpool, and if they can see off Stoke and Wolves, they will finish ahead of the Reds for the first time since 2005.

Terry Connor
After last Sunday’s 2-0 defeat to Manchester City condemned Wolves to the drop, Connor spoke of preserving the integrity of the division in their remaining three fixtures, aware that other Premier League clubs would rely on them to show some pluck despite their own fate already being sealed.
These were admirably altruistic sentiments from a beleaguered manager so soon after relegation, but the words looked as empty as Wolves’ points’ coffers at the Liberty Stadium when they were 3-0 and then 4-1 down. A fight back followed, however, and Wolves somehow managed to get themselves back on level terms to earn a rare and unlikely point.
It’s tempting to question where this desire and clinical finishing has been all season, particularly in Connor’s reign, but let’s simply toast a remarkable turnaround and the latest example of just how mental this league can be.

Sandro
Although Kyle Walker’s superb free-kick made the headlines, it was the disciplined and robust, yet adventurous performance of the Brazilian midfielder that was the most telling factor in Tottenham’s victory. The 23-year-old was dominant in the absence of Scott Parker, and his eleven completed tackles were more than any other player has managed in a single Premier League match this season.
Spurs have three games in which to save their Champions League dream – Sandro could be the key to rejuvenating a side that has lost a lot of its verve and swagger in recent weeks.

Luis Suarez
Three goals of the very highest quality from the Uruguayan headline-maker showcased a newfound assassin’s steel in front of goal. Liverpool’s goalscoring woes and propensity to find woodwork over net has been well documented, but Suarez gave one of the season’s great individual performances at Carrow Road, scoring a hat-trick in which each goal was better than the last.
The 45-yard chip that ended his evening (and the game as a contest) will be the strike that lives longest in the memory, but it was the striker’s energy and tenacity that truly impressed. Suarez is exactly the type of forward that gives defenders sleepless nights with his relentless pressing and harrying which found rich reward in this 3-0 win. Now, go and sign him a strike partner, Kenny.

Villains

QPR
The Hoops were the biggest losers on a weekend that saw three of the other four sides in the relegation scrap pick up points. QPR were 4-0 down within 25 minutes at Stamford Bridge and barely even set foot in the opposition half in the first period. If they had shown a fraction of the spirit the already-doomed Wolves had mustered at the Liberty Stadium, they surely wouldn’t have succumbed as willingly to the Chelsea onslaught.
It’s often said that Mark Hughes isn’t the type of manager to instantly turn around a poor run of form, with his players needing time to become imbedded into his system, but time is a luxury that the Rs are no longer afforded. Although they have managed the odd creditable result here and there to boost their survival hopes, at no stage have they been able to put together a run like the one Wigan have managed recently.
It’s looking increasingly likely that Sparky will need to pick up maximum points on the final day at his old stomping ground, the Etihad Stadium. A feat no side has achieved in the league this season…

Danny Simpson
It’s been a phenomenal season for Pardew’s men, but Saturday’s heavy defeat at the DW Stadium was a brutal reminder of what can happen when performance levels drop even a fraction. Too many of Newcastle’s best players suffered off-days simultaneously, and Wigan waltzed through with ease time and time again.
Danny Simpson has been the unsung hero of the Magpies’ season thus far, but he suffered at the hands of the Terminator-like running of Victor Moses, who was too quick, too strong and too clever for the Manchester United academy graduate. One poor showing doesn’t spoil what’s been an incredible season for Simpson’s Newcastle, and Saturday’s defeat should be filed under “reality check”. However, with Chelsea and Manchester City still to play, their Champions League challenge has reached a critical stage.

Randy Lerner & Alex McLeish
When the ‘foreign ownership’ debate rears its head, Aston Villa owner Randy Lerner is often used as the case for the defence. The American’s spell as chairman has been characterised by an unfussy and a patient ‘hands off’ approach, but surely this charity must be nearing its end.
It was an extremely masochistic decision when Lerner installed Alex McLeish as manager. Forget the Birmingham ties and his relegation blemished CV, when football is this joyless, it really does leave you wondering: what’s the point? A 0-0 draw with local rivals West Brom might just be enough to secure another season in the top flight, but one wonders whether a season in the Championship may actually do them good.
Villa have spent the season playing like a nervy newly-promoted side desperately hoofing and scrapping for points rather than one of the most established clubs in the Premier League, and whether they survive or not, Lerner only has one decision to make. It’s never nice to see a manager lose his job but when the football is this tedious and it doesn’t get results, it’s time to let someone else have a go.

Norwich City
Having suffered three consecutive defeats for the first time this season, perhaps the lack of depth in this Norwich City squad is starting to show. It was a leggy performance from the Canaries, whose minds may have been on the beach with relatively little to play for, and Liverpool made them pay.
There’s clearly no need to hit the panic button at Carrow Road just yet, but their recent poor form may leave manager Paul Lambert fearing a potential outbreak of ‘second season syndrome’.

Steve Kean
Battling relegation with just three matches to go, having just watched one of their rivals for the drop walloped 6-1 and facing a team who had won just one of their last nine league games, you would probably have expected Blackburn to go to White Hart Lane on the front foot.
Not so, this was one of the limpest, most pathetic performances of the season, even by Blackburn’s often rather low standards. They stood off and admired Tottenham’s build-up play and, in scenes reminiscent of “I Am Legend” (the ace book, not the awful film), Yakubu was stood alone, miles up the pitch without a yellow shirt in throwing distance.
Rovers were so pathetic that they became the first side to fail to muster a single shot on goal over the 90 minutes of a Premier League match since West Brom did so against Manchester City in December 2004. While the Baggies went on to avoid the drop that year, it’s almost impossible to see Rovers performing a similar miracle.
In fact, the only thing that was miraculous about this match was that Blackburn weren’t beaten by a wider margin, so if ‘damage limitation’ was Steve Kean’s plan, then the mission was a complete success.
Blackburn have gone to Old Trafford and claimed three points this season by seizing the initiative and being first to every ball – here, they looked disinterested and worryingly lacked any sense of direction or a plan. They look doomed and, on this evidence, the Premier League won’t miss them much.

Chelsea boo boys
This was more than the vocal minority who booed the minute’s silence for Hillsborough prior to the Blues’ FA Cup semi-final against Spurs, there was widespread booing of Anton Ferdinand every time he received the ball. Genuinely depressing stuff.

Inside the mind of Pep Guardiola

2012-04-27T13:15:00Z

Pep Guardiola will step down as Barcelona coach at the end of the season, but just who is the man who masterminded arguably the greatest club side of all time? In the August 2011 issue of FourFourTwo, Graham Hunter – the only British journalist to have got past Pep Guardiola’s ‘guard dog’ – revealed all...

5-1 and 10-4. These are the aggregate scores that Barcelona have notched over Manchester United and Arsenal during their last six meetings. While Fergie’s side have been lauded for an ability to consistently win trophies and the Gunners lavished with praise for the beauty of their football, so perfectly have Barça combined the qualities of both – culminating in fantasy football at Wembley in May – that they can rightly take their place among the best teams of all time.

Lionel Messi is en route to surpassing Pele and Maradona, Xavi is arguably the most complete player in Spain’s history while Andres Iniesta’s sublime skills are complemented by an innate gift to score or assist at the most crucial moments.

Even the supporting cast of Gerard Pique, Eric Abidal, Victor Valdes and Dani Alves are enjoying new levels of appreciation. Then there are the likes of Sergio Busquets and Pedro, products of Barça’s much lauded and copied La Masia youth system which provided nine of Spain’s World Cup-winning squad. And we haven’t even mentioned David Villa, the world’s best centre-forward and Spain’s record scorer, who was deemed to have struggled at times during a season in which he scored 23 goals (and provided nine assists), including the piece de resistance in the Champions League final.

But amidst the torrent of praise there is one figure who remains under-explained and under-appreciated. Josep ‘Pep’ Guardiola.

This saturnine, pencil-slim, passionate but introverted Catalan has worked a sporting miracle – not simply in giving us irresistible football with which the world has fallen in love, but by transforming the mess he inherited into a winning machine.

Just before Guardiola took over at the Nou Camp in 2008, the Barça crowd jeered their side into the Champions League semi-final because the display against Schalke was so disappointing. Weeks later, Real Madrid completed their second consecutive La Liga title with a 4-1 whipping of Barcelona – who finished 18 points behind them – and Frank Rijkaard’s team was forced to form a guard of honour in welcoming Madrid onto the Bernabeu pitch. Players were flabby and indisciplined, the coach had lost the will to crack the whip and teams were finding Barça a soft touch.

The contrast now is startling. It would be foolish to say that it’s all down to Guardiola but without him, Barça were rudderless and adrift.

Xavi recalls the impact of the new manager’s arrival: “We were just back from winning the Euros with Spain and instantly I could sense a different atmosphere, new standards and much more emphasis on getting fit. I recall saying to [Andres] Iniesta, ‘We’d better hop on this train or it’ll pass us by.’

"Standards had slipped. A kilo here or there didn’t matter. A few minutes late here or there didn’t matter. Now everything mattered. But Pep was right on top of everything like a hawk.”

Listen and learn: an early Pep talk with the players

Gerard Pique, who was brought in with the new guard, explains: “Pep doesn’t just give you orders, he also explains why. That makes you a better footballer because you learn the reasoning behind his instructions.”

When he took over from Frank Rijkaard, Guardiola announced he’d be giving no one-on-one interviews. This has meant that those who didn’t grow up watching Guardiola the midfield string-puller for Barcelona and Spain have had to learn about him from afar. His peak as a player came between 1992 and 1997 so there must be many outside Spain – and a minority within his own country – who only know him in his current incarnation.

The only times Guardiola has felt inclined to give exclusive face time is for the official programme before each of his Champions League finals as coach, and on both occasions this correspondent has been lucky enough to be sat opposite him.

So what to share? Firstly, it’s an intense experience. You pass through a smaller pre-office in which Tito Vilanova, his trusted assistant coach, works on a computer but sits facing the outside door – situated like a guard dog, with his back to the boss.

The Barça manager is famed for his obsessively detailed studying of opponents; banks of DVDs are apparent, as are books, magazines and, naturally, photos of his loved ones (long-term partner Cristina and their three children), of whom he’s seen rather less since taking the hotseat.

While friendly and generous with his answers, we both know Guardiola would rather not be doing this. Not while he continues to say ‘no’ to long-term friends in the press and to the demanding local television station which sponsors the club – not to mention the inquisitive world media. He’d much prefer to do his interviews in the mass forum of a press conference.

The greater spotted Pep, rarely interviewed one-on-one

Yet even though time is short, if we stumble on a subject which lights his fire there is immediately the intense, passionate tone of voice and phraseology which, we can only believe, hits the mark with his players. Even in close verbal combat, you only get glimpses of it. But when he talks about playing to win rather than ‘playing not to lose’, it’s there.

It’s something he’d already touched upon in the 2009 Final programme: “When you get to this stage in Europe it’s often the case that teams can be governed by a fear of losing and play cautiously.” He promised that win, lose or draw, his team wouldn’t die wondering (despite the absence of Iniesta, Alves, Abidal and Rafa Marquez). He’s even described some of Barça’s play under him as “audacious”.

Guardiola isn’t just driven by his own philosophy on the game, though. Unsurprisingly for somebody who has always been interested in ideas and cause – social as well as sporting – he makes a direct correlation between his team’s approach and the economic crisis. “For me it all makes sense – the effort, the work, the planning, the concentration and the discipline – if you do it for the people. The manner in which we’ve played this season is a demonstration of the respect we have for the people who pay for a ticket or pay money to watch games on TV.”

And for Guardiola, it’s about winning the right way, but above all winning. In his team’s last nine meetings with Real Madrid they have won six and drawn two, with a 20-5 goal aggregate. Add the three La Liga titles, two Champions Leagues and the new high watermark for intoxicating football they’ve set and it’s little wonder that the club president who appointed him, Joan Laporta, has admitted: “If I were reincarnated I’d like to be reborn as Pep Guardiola.”

* * *

This latest phase of Guardiola’s lifelong relationship with Barcelona started on a Saturday night in August 2008 when he was re-presented to the Catalan faithful as their new coach.

The game was preceded by a massive son et lumiere (‘sound and light’) festival during which Guardiola smiled to the camera, turned and told the assembled faithful “…we can’t promise a specific title but we will never stop trying, never give up and I advise you to fasten your seatbelts… you’re going to enjoy this ride.”

Unveiled: Barça's old new hero

Prophetic words, in hindsight. But sometimes a prophet is not honoured in his own land. Guardiola’s lengthy journey with Barcelona, indeed with football, has been almost as full of thorns as crowns.

Josep Guardiola was born in the Catalan countryside, approximately an hour’s drive from the stadium where he was to make his debut as an excitable ball-boy (he’s famous for twice running on the pitch to congratulate Barça players at the end of matches – when Terry Venables’ side clinched the league title in 1985, and when Barcelona qualified for the European Cup final a year later in 1986).

Santpedor is a small agricultural town, part of whose name (aptly, given Guardiola’s subsequent career) means ‘the golden place’. Barça first came calling when Guardiola was 11 but he didn’t want to leave home to live in La Masia, the stone farmhouse situated just behind the north goal of the Nou Camp where Teddy Sheringham and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer scored those famous goals in 1999. According to his mother, what sealed the deal for Guardiola was that from his dormitory window in La Masia he could “see the football pitch every morning when I wake up!”

FEATURE Behind the scenes at La Masia

However, he was soon haunted by the same question which would later be asked of Xavi, Iniesta, Cesc Fabregas and above (or below) all Messi: was he big enough? Carlos Naval, one of the longest-serving and most popular officials at the club, remembers recommending Pep as “a kid who is small, not tall at all, but who plays like the gods.”

Naval continues: “He saw what nobody else saw, he anticipated everything that was going to happen. But people said, ‘That kind of player doesn’t exist! – we’re talking about a boy of 11 years old. There are no miracles in football.’”

Charly Rexach, Barça’s legendary goalscorer of the ’60s and ’70s who became Johan Cruyff’s assistant and later battled like a tiger to make sure the club signed Messi, always fought Guardiola’s corner. “What caught my attention was that even though Pep was really small and skinny he played one-touch, or at most two-touch football which set him well above everyone in his age group,” he recalls.

Manager Cruyff and Rexach not only trusted his ability but accelerated his promotion to the first XI. According to Guardiola, it was something akin to the Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel icon, The Creation of Adam, where God and Adam touch hands and lightning shoots out.

* * *

In order to understand that, it’s important to skip forward 24 years to 2003 in Qatar, where a rather morose, downcast Guardiola is playing. Having wound down his career via Serie A (a short spell in Mexico will later precede his retirement), he reflects on his playing career. Moments like being told ‘no’ after a trial with Manchester City in 2001 have stung him, as has the fact that, despite only being 32 on leaving Brescia, no upper-echelon club thought he could do a job. He wanted to end his playing career “in Europe – France, England, Scotland even – but I think that option’s gone”.

Pep the ageing player continues: “I became a regular at Barcelona aged 20 because I had Cruyff as a manager and he believed in playing a certain way. If I were 20 at Barcelona today I'd never make it as a professional. At best I’d be playing in the third division. My skills haven’t declined. It’s just that football is played at a higher pace and it’s a lot more physical. To play just in front of the back four now you have to be a ball-winner, a tackler like Patrick Vieira. If you can pass too it’s a bonus.”

Guardiola the ‘quarterback’ didn’t play as high up the pitch as Xavi does now, but in what became a ‘mythical’ position in Cruyff’s 3-4-3: the ‘pivote’, or simply the ‘4’. Defensively he had to anticipate trouble before it reached the danger area, shepherd attacks into areas the opponents didn’t want to use, receive the ball from the back line, begin the attacks and shuttle the ball to and fro so that the Dream Team could re-establish their shape once they’d won the ball back.

Lifting the European Cup in 1992

Bobby Robson said what he liked most about coaching the player (to a season of three trophies in 1996-97) was “the speed at which he learned things.” He added: “Both as a man and a footballer, Pep is very intelligent. Tactically he’s world-class.”
But what the Barça fans luxuriated most in was his sublime passing. They were often over greater distances than the modern Xavi-orchestrated tiki-taka, but pinpoint all the same.

Marc Overmars, who played both with and against the boy from Santpedor, says Guardiola was “unique. He saw the play faster than anyone but then used the ball in precisely the best way to take advantage of the situation.” Positionally he was like Busquets or Michael Carrick but – as he admits himself – didn’t have the surging pace or stamina to burst forward like Frank Lampard or Steven Gerrard. The ball did his work.

Most importantly, though, he understood what he was doing, what others should do, how to move the team forward and – most crucially – what his team-mates should not be doing. Kiko, Atletico Madrid legend and Guardiola’s Olympic gold medal-winning team-mate in 1992, once commented: “Pep was born telling people what to do. I can imagine him telling the babies in his ward – ‘you in that cot and you in this cot.’”

Xavi admits that, in a playing sense, it was hard to live in Guardiola’s shadow: “When I was coming through, seen as Pep’s replacement, he treated me like a friend and gave me advice. But for the crowd it was hard. I was seen as the ‘outsider’ despite being from La Masia, and viewed as the one pushing Pep out. It made me unsure of whether to stay or go look for a career elsewhere [namely Man United, whom Xavi admits made him an offer]. In the end I was too stubborn to leave.”

Off the shoulder: Pep and Xavi

While part of Guardiola’s decision to leave in 2001 included making way for the new guard, he also left disillusioned. After the departure of Cruyff and Robson came Louis Van Gaal – “the man with whom I most discussed football”. The club had been deluged with expensive foreign signings and a devastating year-long injury left him introspective, unsure that he was a central part of the Barça ethos and suffering from idle, stupid chitter-chatter that because he liked cinema, books and fashion, perhaps he was gay.

Guardiola finally left on freedom of contract, telling fans and media: “This isn’t a decision taken after a bad game or a defeat four days ago. I’ve thought long and hard about it and my decision is that I want to experience new countries, new styles of football and learn a new language.” His father Valenti had a different view: “Perhaps the club didn’t deserve such a player, a guy who simply couldn’t eat his dinner if Barça lost.”

His time in Italy was soured by what proved to be another false accusation – that he’d used nandrolone as a performance enhancer. Against the odds he won a seven-year battle to clear his name, telling friends he’d fight to his last cent to prove his innocence if required. His sister Francesca admits: “I thought he should give up and on more than one occasion I told him ‘they aren’t going to accept your innocence’. But, hats off, he wouldn’t hear of it and was finally vindicated. I would have thrown the towel in.”

But although his Italian is superb and he speaks fondly of both Brescia and Roma (who he joined briefly), he was frustrated by the football culture. “When I played in Italy,” he wrote in a column for El Pais, “they told me to forget about ‘this passing game’ because, simply, there was ‘less space’ in their football. I never understood it. The pitch was the same size. What I saw was the movement of some guys, in relation to where others were, and what they did was mistaken. That was the only reason there was less space.”

Facing old foe Raul with Roma

When no top-level European club made him a firm offer after Serie A, Al Ahly were the beneficiaries. Guardiola played in Qatar for significant remuneration and what he’s often described as his sense of adventure and the very relaxed lifestyle.

While he played low-pace, low-stress football, Guardiola played a lot of golf too, and used his long free hours to study English. But what he discovered in the Gulf, above all, was that he had an absolute need to stay in football, that his coaching badges were vital to him. In his own words, he “loved that ball” too much to drift out of the sport – even though his diverse leisure interests would have been more than enough to keep an ordinary man happy.

* * *

In 2007, Guardiola was given his first coaching job, at Barça B. Txiki Begiristain, once a winger to the left of Guardiola in Cruyff’s Dream Team, had become director of football when Laporta won the 2003 election and recommended it was time to re-incorporate the iconic, intelligent product of the academy. Ex-Barça director Evarist Murtra confirms: “Were it not for Txiki’s insistence, we wouldn’t have signed Pep to coach the B team.”

Around that time, Begiristain generated ominous headlines by warning Frank Rijkaard and his self-indulgent stars that “the squad has to train more rigorously. There needs to be tighter controls and a better work ethic.”

Guardiola, though, was just getting his feet under the desk: “I’m grateful for the opportunity because, as a coach, I’m a nobody. I need to win because if I’m successful I’ll have credibility and, if not, I’ll be sacked. It’s the law of the dugout. I’ll try to transmit the values of this club and give the players some individual liberty. But I believe in the boss being in charge. And now I’m the boss.”

Eventually, Guardiola was informed that if Rijkaard didn’t win a trophy that season (2007-08), the Dutchman would be removed and Pep would assume control. The technical staff had watched Guardiola’s development with the kids and his success in taking Barça B out of the third division at the first time of asking. They also loved Guardiola’s tactics, his man-management, his substitutions and the air of control and vision which had returned to the club’s nursery side.

Yaca Garcia Planes was the only journalist to follow the B team throughout their entire season and summed it up by saying: “He won confidence and respect with a number of tactics. Unity was the first thing he sought and the introduction of regular breakfasts, lunches and dinners for the whole team – paid for by Pep if the results had been good enough – was a regular tactic. A new set of fines for being late, for being sent off and other small, previously ignored details brought new standards.”

Yet promoting him to the top job was still a risk – he was only 37. But that didn’t stop him from continuing his disciplined approach when he was handed the job. He told players on his first day: “If you think I’m going to be soft on you, an easy touch, simply because I’m only 37 then you are wrong, you are out of luck. My pride and my ambition are enormous and let’s be clear – you’re going to work hard.”

Watch your step: one of Pep's first games, a friendly at Hibs

New rules included coming in for breakfast before training and players being at home before midnight on any night when there was training the next day. On the training pitch, every player was told to be ready to work at bang on the announced hour – not tying laces, not trotting in a second late – or it’s a fine.

In training Guardiola’s known to be more of an interventionist than a dictator, stepping in to correct the odd detail or re-explain a concept. But if the hairdryer is needed, it’s a match for Fergie’s. “If he really ‘starts’ on one there is no stopping him,” admits Pique.

One anecdote which indicates the jolt his players got in the summer of 2008 was an early, fierce ticking-off from the new boss for Eric Abidal. The Frenchman told him: “There’s no need to speak to me like that. I’m a grown-up, a family man and I don’t need to be talked to like that.” He was reassured by President Laporta that “Pep is just that intense. It’s not personal.” From there to Abidal being given the captain’s armband in the 2011 Champions League Final and being asked to lift the trophy is a microcosm of the journey everyone, including Guardiola, has undertaken.

A manager should be judged not just by his iron fist, but also by his velvet glove. In Guardiola’s first summer, Barcelona were at war with the Argentine FA, FIFA and the International Olympic Committee over their right to withhold Leo Messi from selection for the Olympic football in Beijing. Ultimately Joan Laporta won a victory at the Court of Arbitration for Sport. The Olympics were not part of the FIFA calendar so Barça had the right to order Messi to return, immediately, for their Champions League qualifier against Wisla Krakow.

But Guardiola thought long and hard, recalling his own Olympic triumph and what it meant to him. On hearing the verdict, he immediately opposed his president and Begiristain, despite the huge fuss which had been made to keep Messi, and took a personal decision to allow him to play for what subsequently became a gold medallist Albiceleste side. Guardiola won undying loyalty from Messi, got through the Champions League qualifier without him – and showed president, players, fans and media who really was boss now.

Whatever you say, boss: Pep and Messi in 2008

Had Barça been eliminated or Messi injured then history might have been utterly different. Smart or lucky? You decide. Either way, he’d got the world’s best player immediately on side. “From the first moment Pep was brilliant to me,” says Messi. “He told me what he’d demand from me but listened to my wish that I should play what might have been my only Olympics. I can only say that I owe him.”

Another piece of fine man-management came weeks later. After getting rid of divisive duo Ronaldinho and Deco, another tricky character, Samuel Eto’o was next for the exit. But after watching the first few weeks of training, the new boss changed his mind. “His attitude and work have won me over,” was Guardiola’s verdict.

Eto’o played brilliantly in that treble-winning season, scoring the goal which won the Champions League final after being warned that he would be allowed not one single blot on his copy-book. But that June, Eto’o was out, this time definitively, because of “a lack of feeling” between the two.

The majority of those Guardiola has worked with can’t speak highly enough of him, though. Busquets is one of those who has been promoted from B team success with Guardiola to Champions League and World Cup glory. “Pep is identical now to what he was like then,” he explains. “He studies endlessly, prepares in detail, draws the maximum from his players and makes us ready for the opposing team.

"It involves many hours watching videos but also a huge knowledge as a coach and experience as a player.” His assistant, Tito Vilanova, a childhood friend, says Guardiola’s X-factor is his “contagious self-confidence. His will to win is matched by a complete belief that he’ll win and an ability to explain how to do it.”

* * *

But for how long is Guardiola going to keep winning with Barça? “Pep loves this club madly and lives his work with too much intensity,” says legendary Barcelona water polo Olympian Manuel Estiarte, who was brought in by Guardiola as the club’s director of external relations. “I’ve occasionally had to tell him to take it easy so that he doesn’t burn out.”

Exit stage left: Pep Guardiola, 27th April 2012

Indeed, there is a feeling that he isn’t in it for the long haul. Johan Cruyff even speculated that Guardiola, whose contract only extends to the end of the 2011-12 season, might walk away following the Wembley triumph. After all, how much better can it get? But the remarkable win in London has renewed his energy and enthusiasm for the job and he told his players “it doesn’t end here” after the game.

So where does it end? Perhaps those of us who enjoy what Guardiola has created will get another year from him at the Nou Camp. He believes that he has set up a style of thinking, of working and of playing that can live beyond his specific mandate.

But his wanderlust, the same instinct which told him to abandon the nest and sample different languages and cultures, will take him to coaching duties in England and Italy – perhaps even Qatar again before he eventually returns to Barcelona as president. Of that FFT is quite sure.

In the meantime, the rest of us should just keep our seatbelts fastened and enjoy what remains of the ride.

On 27th April 2012, Pep Guardiola announced his intention to step down as Barcelona coach at the end of the season. His replacement will be Tito Vilanova, his assistant and 'guard dog'.

Thrashed champions: Hammered teams who went on to win the title

2012-04-27T10:04:00Z

Roberto Mancini insists Manchester United are still favourites to the lift the Premier League trophy, but if they do, they won't be the first champions to recover from a good hiding earlier in the season. European football expert Michael Yokhin looks at some memorable examples.

In late October, when Manchester City thrashed United 6-1 at Old Trafford, some thought it was the end of an era, let alone a season's title race. Who could recover from such a drubbing and still win the title? Well, actually, a surprising number of teams have come back from a caning, winning the league despite shipping five or more goals in a game. Ask Alex Ferguson himself....

1996/97: Newcastle 5-0 Manchester United; Southampton 6-3 Manchester United
“You've just seen the champions today,” boasted Newcastle chairman Freddie Shepherd. No wonder he was jubilant. After collapsing to lose the 1995/96 title to Manchester United, the Magpies took their revenge on October 20, demolishing the previously unbeaten champions.

The riot was started by Darren Peacock, who almost never scored, and finished by his elegant central defensive partner Philippe Albert with an audacious lob. In between, David Ginola scored a Goal of the Season contender, while Alan Shearer assisted Les Ferdinand and (of course) scored himself.

If conceding five was bad, the following week United went one worse on the south coast. Peter Schmeichel had one of the worst games of his career, while Eyal Berkovic scored two and made three in only his third game for Graeme Souness's Southampton. Egil Ostenstad, also in his third game for the Saints, bagged a hat-trick. While Ferguson could blame it all on the early Roy Keane sending-off, there was no excuse for conceding 11 goals in a week – not even the grey shirts which he had blamed for the previous season's Dell defeat.

Crisis claims were even more relevant when United lost their next game at home to Chelsea, but the recovery was swift. They were back on top by January, and by the end of the season it turned out Shepherd was perfectly right. By then Kevin Keegan had resigned, while Graeme Souness’ Southampton just managed to avoid relegation by the skin of their teeth.

1999/2000: Chelsea 5-0 Manchester United
Quite an occasion for the Italians. It was possibly Gianluca Vialli's greatest game as Chelsea manager, while Massimo Taibi probably proved to be Ferguson’s worst ever recruit. Treble-winning United arrived at Stamford Bridge unbeaten in 29 league games, but that record came to an end in a spectacular fashion in early October.

It all started when Gus Poyet took advantage of a terrible Taibi blunder in the first minute. Then £10 million man Chris Sutton scored the only league goal of his bizarre Chelsea career. Even Jody Morris, better known for his antics away from Stamford Bridge, scored.

The Blues leapfrogged United to the top of the table and were dreaming of becoming a top team, long before Roman Abramovich arrived. However, they immediately lost three in a row and eventually finished fifth. United were back on top by November and strolled to an easy title, 18 points ahead of runners-up Arsenal.

1993/94: Zaragoza 6-3 Barcelona
Under the tutelage of young coach Victor Fernandez, Zaragoza played some exuberant attacking football in the mid-'90s, and one of their greatest nights was on 13th February 1994.

Fernando Caceres started it off early, and Gus Poyet finished it late on, but it was Caceres' Argentinian compatriot Juan Esnaider who was the biggest star with a brace. Discarded by the Real Madrid academy just a few months previously, the burly striker proved his point at Zaragoza and was resigned by Los Blancos in 1995.

That day, however, Johan Cruyff couldn’t believe his eyes. Pep Guardiola was sent off, and Ronald Koeman was substituted to save him from embarrassment. Romario did his utmost at the other end with two goals, but that didn’t really help. With Deportivo La Coruna beating Sevilla, Barça were now five points off the pace in the chase for their fourth successive league title.

Cruyff's side never relented, however, and once again rode their luck on the final day. After winning in the previous two seasons thanks to Tenerife beating Real Madrid, Barcelona this time owed their title to Miroslav Djukic’s penalty miss in the final seconds of the season for Deportivo against Valencia. Zaragoza finished third in 1994, and got their just reward a year later when Nayim lobbed David Seaman in that Cup Winners’ Cup final in Paris.

2002/03: Real Madrid 1-5 Mallorca
Hell hath no fury like a striker scorned. Well, not Samuel Eto'o, anyway. Elbowed out of Real Madrid, the Cameroonian never forgave his former side, and long before singing rude Real-riling songs at Barcelona title celebrations, Eto'o produced one of the most stunning games Bernabeu has ever witnessed.

Involved in a mighty title struggle with La Coruna and Real Sociedad in early May, Madrid lead 1-0 at half-time thanks to a goal from Ronaldo. Then the unthinkable happened: as Eto’o ran riot, Mallorca scored four goals in 21 minutes. Roberto Carlos was so frightened by him that he scored a weird own goal. Amazingly, the disaster was complete when Carlitos replaced Eto’o at 89 minutes and scored himself in injury time.

Vicente del Bosque’s team dropped to third after 0-0 draw at Huelva a week later, but managed to snatch the title nevertheless in a dramatic fashion. That didn’t save the moustached coach, who was shown the door – along with legendary captain Fernando Hierro – hours after the final whistle of the last game.

1977/78: Fortuna Dusseldorf 5-1 FC Koln
This was an extremely important game for legendary coach Hennes Weisweiler. The man who built the the great Borussia Monchengladbach team (and fell out with Johan Cruyff at Barcelona) returned to his first club Koln in summer 1976, but his first season was marked by constant conflicts with Wolfgang Overath, and in the close season Weisweiler controversially discarded the 33-year old icon.

Everyone waited to see how Koln would fare without perhaps the cklub's greatest ever player, and the knives were sharpened for Weisweiler when the opening day of the season brought a heavy home thrashing by Dusseldorf.

The atmosphere changed very quickly, though. Koln won their next four games, scoring 18 goals in the process, and never looked back. They won the title on the last day – on goal difference, despite Gladbach crushing Borussia Dortmund 12-0 in desperate attempt to overtake their local rivals. This remains Koln’s last Bundesliga trophy.

2006/07: PSV Eindhoven 1-5 Ajax
This could lay good claim to being the most dramatic season ever in Holland. Six weeks before the end, the title looked wrapped up: PSV led the table by eight points from Ajax and AZ Alkmaar. Then Henk Ten Cate’s Amsterdammers came to Eindhoven and made fun of Ronald Koeman’s team, scoring at will, with Klaas-Jan Huntelaar bagging a brace. Even PSV's consolation goal was scored by former Ajax legend Patrick Kluivert.

After this defeat, PSV almost completely fell apart. They took just five points from their next four games, dropping to third before the final week, with all three contenders level on points. AZ needed just a win at lowly Excelsior Rotterdam – but lost, while PSV snatched the title from Ajax on goal difference by thrashing Vitesse 5-1. Some reverse for Koeman.

2000/01: Nantes 0-5 Bordeaux
Remember Pauleta? The Portugese striker, who became the best goalscorer in France during the first decade of the century, announced himself to the whole country with a 63-minute hat-trick at Nantes. Those were his first goals after moving from Deportivo La Coruña to Bordeaux, and his first victims went into a tailspin after that amazing home defeat in early September 2000.

The Canaries took just two points from the next four games and found themselves in 15th place, with coach Reynald Denoueix facing the sack. Then they had their own 5-0 away win at Strasbourg, and everything was yellow-and-green again. Nantes finished the season with eight wins in a row, winning the title comfortably. Bordeaux – beaten 2-0 at home by the Canaries in the return fixture – finished fourth.

1982/83: Real Betis 5-1 Athletic Bilbao
Javier Clemente built a very tough Basque side around Andoni Goikoetxea, the infamous Butcher of Bilbao. Who would have believed they could be thrashed with such ease at the most crucial point of the season? Six weeks before the end, Athletic were level on points with Real Madrid, when Betis took them apart. Luckily for Clemente, champions Real Sociedad, their fellow (and rival) Basques, drew 0-0 with Los Blancos, leaving the gap at a single point.

The drama went to the wire, with Madrid leading by the very same point before the final round. Alfredo di Stefano’s team then lost at Valencia, while Clemente won at Las Palmas to celebrate his maiden trophy. The margin of the win? 5-1...

1995/96: Karlsruhe 5-0 Borussia Dortmund
In the mid-90s Karlsruhe were a joy to watch, with red-headed coach Winfried Schafer on the bench and young Jens Nowotny playing like Matthias Sammer at the back. South African striker Sean Dundee was their dangerman, before becoming one of the biggest Anfield flops ever. On April 30th he had a terrific game against champions Dortmund, scoring and helping Russian rocket Sergei Kiriakov get a brace.

It was a potential disaster for Ottmar Hitzfeld’s men, as Bayern Munich were hot on their heels. There was a massive relief, though, when a week later the Bavarians squandered a two-goal lead at Bremen, losing 2-3 and giving away a golden chance to overcome their rivals. The challenge faded, and Hitzfeld comfortably won the title for the second time, by a whopping six points.

2007: Lyn Oslo 6-0 Brann Bergen
In Norwegian, Lyn means lightning, Brann means fire, and this was certainly a flaming affair. Bergen had been beaten just once before visiting Oslo, but looked like a very poor amateur team, taken apart in what could have been an even bigger humiliation. Chinedu Obasi, the Nigerian striker recently signed by Schalke from Hoffenheim, was one of the stars for the home team.

Brann didn’t take the setback too seriously, as they recovered quickly to win their first and only title since 1963. Lyn’s fate was much worse. Sadly for the supporters who filled their compact Frogner stadium that day, they are now recovering in lower divisions, having gone bankrupt in 2010.

1999/2000: Brondby 5-0 Herfolge
You might think that John Jensen’s coaching career was limited to a few months as Steve Kean’s assistant at Blackburn. You'd be very wrong. The former Arsenal legend, scorer of that sensational goal versus Germany at Euro 92 final (and very few others), concocted what probably was the most improbable title win ever: a side from a village of just over 3,000 inhabitants were champions of Denmark. Jensen signed just one player in the summer of 1999, and in a very strange season Herfolge were soundly beaten more than once.

Brondby bagged five against them, with the first two coming from suitably-named striker Ruben Bagger, but Herfolge finished ahead of them in the final table, with a goal difference of just “+4”. They were relegated in the very next season, when Brondby thrashed them 5-0 again.

Has four years of managing Barcelona taken its toll on Pep Guardiola?

2012-04-27T07:00:00Z

The two pictures below - from the summer of 2008, shortly after he took the helm, and earlier this year - would suggest perhaps so...

That's what happens to a man who has endured four years of sniping from Mourinho, whinging from Zlatan, over-affectionate late-night phonecalls from Cesc and having to carry the can when the team fail to complete over 800 passes in a match...

NEWS Pep set to leave Barca at end of season

Are you a No.1 or a No.2? The best and worst promoted assistants

2012-04-26T14:59:00Z

The last few days and weeks have seen the paths of two managers lead in very different directions. Terry Connor has looked a disconsolate figure in the Wolves dugout, having picked up two points from a possible (albeit unlikely) 30 on offer and seen his Old Gold side relegated to the Championship.

Meanwhile, some 135 miles south-east, Roberto Di Matteo has seemingly masterminded a Chelsea resurgence that has taken them to the cusp of a Champions League trophy – the one thing Roman Abramovich covets, and the one thing his stream of managers have failed to deliver.

Yet Connor and Di Matteo have something significant in common. Both were assistant managers promoted to the big job instead of serving another man brought in from outside. Given their identical tasks in trying to turn around a discontented, underperforming team, the fortunes of each manager couldn’t be more conflicting. Simply put, it’s been one big success story for Di Matteo, and one unfortunate tragedy for Connor.

So what does history tell us? Is promoting from within an inspired (and cheap) decision, or a disaster waiting to happen? Or is it the case that giving the keys to the second-in-command has always been as much a gamble, with just as unpredictable results, as Di Matteo and Connor have shown this season?

The successes

Bob Paisley
Liverpool
August 1974 – May 1983
P535 W308 D131 L96
Win ratio 58%

There’s no better place to start than with a manager who carried on what his predecessor had begun. Undoubtedly the most successful embodiment of a coach-to-manager transition, Paisley was a managerial graduate of Liverpool’s famous ‘boot room’ under Bill Shankly’s leadership.

The switch was a smooth one, with Paisley already part of the furniture and seen as a kindly uncle alongside the father figure of Shankly. If anyone was reluctant to accept the change it would have been Paisley himself, a modest man who tried to sneak away from a Wembley win in 1983 without lifting the Milk Cup.

Paisley’s record speaks for itself: 19 major trophies, including six league titles. He is the only manager ever to win three European Cups, and it will stay that way for a bit longer now that Jose Mourinho and Pep Guardiola have failed to reach this year’s Champions League Final.

So successful he famously said, “I’ve been here during the bad times too – one year we came second”, yet all the while showing an unassuming persona, Paisley became a legend of the game. Not a bad internal appointment, then.

Bill Nicholson
Tottenham Hotspur
October 1958 – August 1974
P783 W373 D189 L221
Win ratio 48%

‘Bill Nick’ took the reins at White Hart Lane after acting as a coach for Spurs, and also England at the 1958 World Cup.

Regarded as Tottenham’s finest manager, he won the league, three FA Cups, two League Cups, a Cup Winners’ Cup and a UEFA Cup, in a tenure that included the first ever domestic cup double of the 20th century.

As a player, coach, manager, scout and president, Nicholson stamped his image on Tottenham Hotspur, and like Paisley he proved that loyalty pays off – and so too does trusting your assistants with the managerial mantle.

David O’Leary
Leeds United
October 1998 – June 2002
P203 W101 D47 L55
Win ratio 50%

Assistant to George Graham until 1998, O’Leary took the Yorkshiremen on a cash-fueled, four-year stag do around Europe (the less said about the hangover, the better).

Known for their array of young talent, or “honest bunch of lads who try to do their best” as O’Leary called them, Leeds reached their peak with the Irishman in 2001, beating AC Milan and qualifying at the expense of Barcelona en route to the Champions League semi-finals.

That fantastic European campaign will never be forgotten by Leeds fans, even though the money spent during the former Arsenal defender’s reign – nearly £100m in four years – would ultimately lead them to financial ruin. By then, O’Leary had been given the boot by the much-loved Peter Ridsdale.

But there’ll always be the memories...

Dave Bassett
Wimbledon
January 1981 – June 1987
P303 W144 D74 L85
Win ratio 48%

Unlike his satirical Scouse brother Mike Bassett, Dave never achieved England manager status, but his miracle work at Plough Lane did lay the foundations for one of English football’s most charismatic teams – the Crazy Gang.

Taking over in the old Fourth Division, Bassett guided the Dons to four promotions (and one relegation) in six years, taking them to the top flight just nine years after they joined the Football League.

He is also regarded as the architect of Wimbledon’s... ‘physical’ tactics, perfectly suited to a time when a two-footed dropkick to the face wouldn’t warrant a ticking off.

Alan Curbishley
Charlton Athletic
June 1995 – May 2006
P514 W198 D137 L179
Win ratio 39%

Having been a player-coach for one year and joint manager with the wonderfully named Steve Gritt for four, Curbishley took sole command of Charlton in 1995 and within three years took them to the Premier League.

Final-day relegation swiftly followed in 1999, but promotion returned them to the top flight just as quickly and six happy years ensued, with the Addicks consolidating top-flight status under his tenure and under the radar.

When Curbishly left Charlton in 2006, they were comfortably mid-table. That two relegations in three years followed hints strongly at the positive impact Curbs had in his 16 years at The Valley.

The failures

Les Reed
Charlton Athletic
November 2006 – December 2006
P7 W1 D1 L5
Win ratio 14%

We’ll stick with Charlton as we begin our search of the assistants-turned-managers who, like Terry Connor, seemingly found themselves out of their depth.

Les Reed did not look like a football manager. Sadly for Charlton, appearances weren’t deceiving. Harshly branded ‘Les Miserables’ by a press unaware of standard French pronunciation, Reed was another member of the earpiece brigade, and was more of the Sammy Lee ilk (see below) than Sam Allardyce in terms of getting results.

‘Santa Clueless’ – another cracker from our friends on Fleet Street – was relieved of his duties on Christmas Eve, presumably not because he had work to do at the North Pole. He’s often regarded as the worst manager of all time, which isn’t very nice, but isn’t easily deniable either.

The Addicks went down under Alan Pardew that season, and have yet to return.

Sammy Lee
Bolton Wanderers
April 2007 – October 2007
P14 W3 D4 L7
Win ratio 21%

As Big Sam departed the Reebok for Newcastle, Little Sam took over at Bolton – but he looked a weak figure throughout his short time in charge, especially given Allardyce’s success with the club (not to mention his size).

Sammy Lee’s tendency to sport the Britney Spears earpiece on the touchline raised a few giggles, and an important question too: who was on the other end?

In a few months, Lee – now back at Bolton, working with the Academy after a stint as assistant manager at Liverpool – took Bolton from the European spots to the relegation places, and he was let go before things got out of hand.

Still, his enthusiastic, positive nature meant that Wanderers fans bear him no ill will. They just don’t want to ever see him in the manager’s seat again.

Wilf McGuinness
Manchester United
June 1969 – December 1970
P87 W32 D32 L23
Win ratio 37%

A harsh inclusion? Revisionists would argue that Wilf McGuinness did a decent job in very difficult circumstances, but nobody ever said being a football manager isn’t hard. And looking back, maybe appointing a 31-year-old first-teach coach as Matt Busby’s successor, while the greatest manager in the club’s history is upstairs watching your every move, isn’t a tip-top idea.

Certainly, leading Manchester United to eighth in 1970, a three-place, three-point improvement on the previous year under Busby, doesn’t represent an absolute disaster. But the team began the following season badly, and they have high expectations up at Old Trafford. In an incredible case of surrender and retreat, the United hierarchy sent McGuinness down to his old position in charge of the reserves, and brought Busby back to take the helm once more.

McGuinness may have been a victim of circumstance in his unsuccessful move up the ladder, but it’s worth pointing out that he went on to take York City from their highest ever league position to two successive relegations, leaving them needing to apply for re-election to the Football League.

Tony Adams
Portsmouth
October 2008 – February 2009
P22 W4 D7 L11
Win ratio 18%

Four years out of practice after taking Wycombe down to League Two in his debut managerial job, Tony Adams was nonetheless named as the man to follow Harry Redknapp at Portsmouth.

He only followed him out the door, however, as his tenure at Fratton Park lasted just a matter of months. Once a fantastic defender, Adams was arguably let down by a back line that threw away 10 points in the last 15 minutes of his 16 league games in charge – but the manager can hardly be absolved from all blame for such a record.

Still, chief executive Peter Storrie should probably get some of the flak, for saying on Adams’ appointment that he hoped “Tony will be here for as long as he wants to be here.”

Yes, Peter, unless you sack him first.

Chris Hutchings
Bradford City
June 2000 – November 2000
P21 W7 D4 L10
Win ratio 33%

Wigan Athletic
May 2007 – November 2007
P13 W2 D2 L9
Win ratio 15%

Hutchings is a fascinating creature; an assistant who keeps getting managerial work even though he clearly isn’t very good at it.

Assistant at Bradford, Hutchings took over the then Premier League side when Paul Jewell left at the end of the 1999-2000 season. A markedly poor few months followed for the Bantams, with just one win from 12 – against Chelsea, admittedly – proving evidence enough for the inexperienced manager to be given his P45.

Still, we shouldn’t be too harsh on Hutchings: he did take Bradford to the semi-finals of the Intertoto Cup in the summer with wins over FK Atlantas of Lithuania and Holland’s RKC Waalwijk. Then there was that 7-2 win over Darlington in the League Cup. Take that, Darlo!

It was evidently enough for Wigan chairman Dave Whelan to give assistant manager Hutchings another bite of the spam fritter some seven years later – again after Paul Jewell had left the club. Six straight defeats led to Hutchings’ demise, in a perfect example of how to save your season by getting rid of your malfunctioning gaffer at the first sign of collapse (NB: This does not always work).

There was a sense of the inevitable when Jewell resigned as Derby County manager in December 2008, and sure enough Hutchings once again took the helm, albeit only in a caretaker role this time. He was replaced by Nigel Clough, still manager at Pride Park today.

Time in charge of Walsall followed, but Hutchings seems to have accepted his true calling as a No.2, rather than a leader of men. He is now assistant at Ipswich Town. You can guess who their manager is – and probably who their next one will be.

The inside story of the Allianz Arena, Champions League Final venue

2012-04-26T11:50:00Z

We now know the contenders for the Champions League Final on Saturday 19th May: Chelsea and Bayern Munich. Bayern will have home advantage, because back on 29th January 2009 the 2012 final was awarded to the Allianz Arena, which they own but share with neighbours 1860 Munich.

Designed by architects Herzog & de Meuron, the stadium began construction on October 21st 2002 and was officially opened on May 30th 2005. It's a fascinating stadium: have a look.

The main entrance to the stadium is along the Esplanade. Visitors can access the Arena from the nearby Fröttmanning underground station, the coach parks or the multistorey car parking. The parking facilities under the Esplanade are Europe’s biggest underground car park, offering spaces for approximately 9,800 cars. There are spaces for a total of 350 buses – 240 to the north of the Arena and 110 in the south.

The roof of the Allianz Arena consists of 2,874 air cushions and has a total surface area of 64,000 square metres. The foil is only 0.2 mm thick and up to 98% UV-permeable. It is, it says here, the world’s biggest roof made of foil. Each cushion has a surface area of approximately 35 square meters, although none of the honeycombs has precisely the same shape. The honeycombs are made of ethylene tetrafluoroethylene, as if you couldn't guess.

Giant fans underneath the stadium plump up the cushions, like a good house-cleaner. If the blower fails and water collects during the resulting cooling process, a clever little valve opens at the lowest point so that the moisture can flow away before the mass of water overloads the roof construction. Which would suck.

If snow settles on the roof during winter - not likely in May, but bear with us – a total of 12 pressure sensors measure the snow and trigger a pressure increase in the cushions to balance out this load.

The membranes, one-thirtieth of the weight of glass, have a self-cleaning coat and are ventilated continuously.

The two 'Allianz Arena' signs are up to 4m high and are made of steel, sheet metal, aluminium and transparent plastic. Each letter weighs between 250 and 500 kg. More than 100,000 light-emitting diodes (LEDs) have been installed in each sign and they only require about 20% of the power used by conventional lighting, so that's nice.

Eye-pleasingly, the Arena can be lit up in different colours to mark the teams who are playing there – so when Bayern are at home it's lit in red, for 1860 it's blue and for Germany games it's white. The light can be changed within the space of two minutes. Here it is in Chelsea blue:

…and in Bayern red:

Just for chuckles, and not to antagonise Pep and Jose, but here's what you could have won (besides the Champions League): the stadium in Barcelona and Real Madrid livery.

The stadium has a top capacity of 69,901 – although that figure includes standing areas.

There are 66,000 seats, and as usual for Champions League games this may be slightly restricted by segregation.

There are three tiers, the lower tier seating 20,000, the middle seating 24,000 and the upper 22,000.

Herzog & de Meuron designed a new type of seat specifically for the Arena. Unlike in many other stadiums, where standard seats differ from box seats, the three different forms of seating used in the Arena (standard folding seat, VIP seat and box seat) are of uniform size and appearance, with silver coating. Each individual seating space was hand-marked, down to the last millimetre, before the first seat was installed, because the Arena is curved rather than rectangular.

There are four changing rooms – one for each of the 'home teams' (Bayern and 1860) and one each for their respective opponents. There are also two changing rooms for the officials. Curious.

Each changing room "boasts" (weird word, that) 22 lockers and 12 showers. You can make your own joke up there.

Above is the mixed zone, where the world's media will attempt to pigeon-hole the winners and losers. And below is the tunnel from which the protagonists will emerge. May the best team win…

Manchester City players can't help but fluff their lines

2012-04-25T13:40:00Z

Perhaps the pressure of the title race really is getting to Manchester City's stars.

Watch Mario Balotelli, Joe Hart, David Silva, Vincent Kompany and Samir Nasri try and fail to promote the club and Umbro's Show Your City kit launch campaign

To be honest, we were expecting more fireworks from Super Mario...

Beef and Rice: Arsene's never-changing menu

2012-04-20T13:53:00Z

Even if Pat Rice retires at the end of the season, FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson doesn't expect major changes at Arsenal

You can tell it's spring: Pat Rice is set to retire. Just like last April, the newspapers have been reporting that the Arsenal assistant manager will step down at the end of the season after 42 years of service.

Arsene Wenger apparently managed to talk him out of it last season and it would be foolhardy for the Arsenal board to buy the carriage clock just yet. Rice is Arsenal to his aching bones, Wenger is a persuasive man and the Gunners coaching hierachy changes at glacial speed.

Having been a youth team coach since 1984, former Gunners apprentice Rice (who played for the club for 14 years, amassing north of 500 appearances) was caretaker manager until Wenger arrived, promptly making 'Mr Arsenal' his No.2. Rice has been at his side ever since.

Arsene agreed with Pat's theory that life was like a box of chocolates...

Meanwhile, up in the stands, there's another key sidekick, appointed as first-team coach mere months after the Frenchman's arrival and there ever since. Not many outside Arsenal could name him, and more than a few fans would struggle to place him, but he's Wenger's main sounding-board.

Beefy, balding Bosnian Boro Primorac is Wenger's tactical lieutenant, watching from on high in the posh seats and conferring with the manager at half-time before a thorough post-match debrief. Wenger is obviously not a man given to rapid change, but it's said that if anyone has his ear, it's Primorac.

The pair met when Wenger was managing Monaco and Primorac in charge of Valenciennes. When Primorac heard that his players had been offered bribes by Marseille, he spoke out in public and later gave evidence in court. Finding himself ostracised in France, he was welcomed by Wenger to Nagoya Grampus Eight and followed him to Highbury in March 1997 as first-team coach, a job he retains to this day.

The difference between first-team coach and assistant manager causes confusion among many fans, and for that matter quite a few footballers. The assistant is the No.2 – the boss's sidekick, usually housed in an adjacent office or even sharing the same cell, cooking up ideas with the boss deep under the main stand. The chief coach usually puts those ideas into reality, striding proprietorially round the training ground and attempting to turn theory into good, hard practice.

However, different managers use different structures, and at Arsenal the majority of training sessions are held by Wenger himself, with Primorac in attendance. In effect, Arsenal don't need a replacement for Rice, because he's already there: to a great extent, Primorac is the No.2.

That's not to say Pat Rice's role hasn't been important. Upon Wenger's arrival as an astonishing alien – the first foreigner to coach the club, with his fancy don't-eat-chips ways – Rice was a wise choice as his No.2: the legacy link to Arsenal's past, the grounded history to Arsene's footballing futurism.

Aaron Ramsey's glue-related prank was a roaring success...

As he searches for a Rice replacement, Wenger no longer needs an establishment representative: he is the establishment. He can choose pretty much whoever he wants, and it wouldn't be astonishing to see the fiftysomething Primorac shift to No.2 while a younger man helps Wenger (himself a sexagenarian) with what Arsenal players of old dismissively referred to as the BBC work: Balls, Bibs and Cones.

But would that that good for Arsenal?

It's instructive to compare Arsenal's hierarchy history with that of Manchester United. In his time at Old Trafford, Alex Ferguson has had eight assistants (seven if you count Carlos Quieroz's two spells as one). Naming them all is a tough pub-quiz question, so do take notes and test your friends' knowledge.

Fergie brought Archie Knox down from Aberdeen in 1986, then promoted Brian Kidd in 1991. When in 1998 Kidd moved to manage Blackburn, Fergie hired Steve McClaren and won the Treble. Backroom loyalist Jimmy Ryan replaced Middlesbrough-bound McClaren until Queiroz came in for a year before being appointed by Real Madrid. Fergie went solo, then roped in Walter Smith for a few months before Queiroz returned in 2004; four years later, Portugal appointed Queiroz and Fergie promoted Mike Phelan.

These details are presented not merely to give you pub ammo, but to highlight the difference between Wenger and Ferguson. Since 1997, the Frenchman has had the same two sidekicks; meanwhile, the Scotsman has bounced ideas off Kidd, McClaren, Ryan, Queiroz, Smith and Phelan.

Fairly or not, both managers have a reputation for being stubborn, but you can't help but wonder if Ferguson's frequently-changing boot-room sounding-boards have helped him keep United fresh. Certainly it can be argued that Ferguson has rebuilt teams in danger of becoming stale – and not coincidentally, it can't be denied that United have been more consistently successful.

Success is based on a number of things but one of them is openness to change. Companies whose boardrooms remain static can become ponderous. Intellectuals can become ideologues if they are surrounded by those who never question the dominant theory. Arsenal are going through a good few months on the field, but a bad few years in the trophy cabinet, and while few would call Rice and Primorac 'yes men', could it be that Wenger needs to hear some fresh input?

During Wenger's time at Arsenal, no Fergie assistant has lasted longer than four years – potentially bad news for Phelan, who hits that anniversary this September. By that point, Arsenal could have a new No.2, or perhaps merely move Primorac to the role he already effectively occupies. For those who wish to see a more open title race, it's to be hoped that whatever Wenger chooses to do, it helps give Arsenal momentum rather than inertia.

Didier Drogba: 'Journalists made me say I dive'

2012-04-19T10:02:00Z

In March 2007 FourFourTwo had a sit-down with Chelsea's Didier Drogba, then-contender for Player of the Year and star striker under Jose Mourinho. He explained how he made it to the top, how he reacted to accusations of diving, and why he owes a great debt to Hernan Crespo and Andriy Shevchenko.

Jose Mourinho likes his players to keep their feet on the ground; to not forget where they came from. Just because you earn  a fortune doesn’t mean you should no longer stand in queues or pay your restaurant bills like everyone else, the Portuguese tells them. Chelsea players should, in other words, try to behave like ordinary folk. Didier Drogba, a dedicated follower of Jose, has clearly heeded the message.

Running a little late for our meeting, the Ivory Coast striker calls to apologise: he’s having trouble finding the address where we are to rendezvous. He is, in fact, lost somewhere along the Fulham Road. The man from his boot sponsors, Nike, springs into action. Giving directions over his mobile phone as he moves, he bounds out onto the busy thoroughfare, waving his arms wildly at every four-wheel drive vehicle that speeds past in the hope that it is Drogba’s; this being the Chelsea-Fulham border, that’s almost every other car. A couple of minutes and a few brushes with death later, there’s still no sign of him. The phone rings. “What make of car are you driving?” Mr Nike asks the 6ft 2in, 13-and-a-half stone striker.  “A Mini,” Drogba replies.

His choice of car may not be quite what Mourinho expected, but Drogba’s affection for his manager has never been in doubt. Chelsea’s first trophy under their new boss was the 2005 Carling Cup. In the final, Drogba helped the Blues come from behind to beat Liverpool 3-2, but Mourinho missed the denouement, having been sent off  for winding up the Liverpool fans with  a finger-on-lips shushing gesture. When the manager failed to reappear after the final whistle, Drogba was the one who went  hurtling down the tunnel to fetch the Special One and make sure he joined the on-field celebrations.

Mourinho was the man who convinced Roman Abramovich to pay Marseille  £24m for Drogba when the Russian  preferred Ronaldo. And it was Mourinho who convinced Drogba to stay at Chelsea last summer when he was unsure of his place at the club and had serious offers on the table from some of Europe’s top clubs.

So given that the newspapers are full  of speculation over Mourinho’s future the day we meet, it’s only natural that we start with Portugal’s most famous face. “Chelsea without Jose Mourinho?!” Drogba almost shouts our question back at us. “I don’t even want to think about it. Jose Mourinho is the man who has brought us our current success. Chelsea have won two consecutive Premier League titles after going 50 years without being champions. Some people seem to forget that.

“Winning a major title each season is all you can ask of a coach. Sure, there were some top players at the club in recent times, like Gianfranco Zola, Tore Andre Flo, Gustavo Poyet and many others who all helped the club to grow, to mature. But for all the success they had with Chelsea, there was still no Premier League title. Not until Jose Mourinho.”

Drogba can sum up his relationship with the manager in one word: trust. “The  biggest thing he brought me was his faith in me. When he took over at Chelsea he was given the choice of some of the biggest names in football. But he said ‘No, I don’t want them, I want Drogba’. When you know somebody has done that for you, you know just how much faith, how much trust, they have in you. And that gives you great confidence in yourself.”

If confidence is a fundamental part of  a successful athlete’s make-up, then Drogba must have it in spades this season. After two years of playing mainly back-to-goal as  a kind of one-man battering ram, fighting to provide knock-downs and scraps for Frank Lampard and various wingers to feed on, he has at last been given the chance to show what he can do when he has another forward alongside him.

Much has been written about the  perceived drawbacks of Mourinho’s new  4-4-2 formation, but Drogba has been  a man transformed, banging in goals with a hitherto unseen consistency and showing just why the Chelsea manager insisted on bringing him over from France. Perhaps surprisingly, Drogba puts his appreciation on record for a former rival who never seemed to settle in London.

“I owe Hernan Crespo big time,” he begins. “For most of last season either he played or I did, but we finished the season often playing together and I think our  partnership helped show the manager that I was better with another striker  alongside me. I’m playing in a different  context this season – I have more freedom to roam and that suits my game.”

Unlike many, he’s also quick to acclaim Chelsea’s £30m summer signing. “Part of my success stems from the fact that Andriy Shevchenko is there now, making space for me, taking defenders away. The goals have been going in for me and I’m sure they’ll go in for him soon. He’ll turn it round.”

Given that many presumed Shevchenko would be a direct replacement for Drogba, it seems fair to say that this season has gone better than expected. Drogba smiles. “Some people seem surprised to see me scoring so many goals this season,” he says, “and I’ve been praised for a couple of nice ones against Liverpool and Barcelona. But I have to say that makes me laugh. I scored  much better goals when I was playing  for Guingamp.”

Guingamp was Drogba’s first top-flight club. With a population of 8,000, it is the smallest town ever to have a team in French football’s top division, and it’s where Drogba finally made his breakthrough; where,  at the age of 24, he found himself  playing at the highest level after years of unfulfilled potential kicking around in the lower leagues.

His was a very different footballing  education to contemporaries like Thierry Henry, who came up through the ranks of youth academies. But then his was a very different childhood.

Born March 11, 1978 in Abidjan, the  Ivory Coast capital, Drogba is the eldest of seven children – he has four brothers and two sisters. His father was a banker, his mother a typist, and when young Didier was just five years old they made a decision that would shape the rest of his life. Being ambitious for their first-born, and wanting him to get a better education than on offer at home, Drogba’s parents sent him to France to live with an uncle and aunt in Angouleme. Little Didier cried for almost the entire plane journey.

He spent three years in France – where his uncle, Michel Goba, an Ivory Coast international, had played for Dunkirk and Brest – before having to return home because of permit problems. At the age of 11, though, Drogba was back with Michel, the man he calls his second father, in  the country that would later reveal his  formidable football talent.

“It’s true that I haven’t spent all that many years in the Ivory Coast, but bizarrely I have more memories of Abidjan than Angouleme or Brest, where I spent more time,” Drogba now recounts. “Even though I went to France young, I don’t feel like I left my African roots behind. They are anchored deep inside me and it all comes out as soon as I’m back in the country.

“If I spend too long away I get nostalgic,” he continues. “I feel like they were the best years of my life – I had a sense of freedom, the like of which only Africa gives you.  I am the kind of guy who has a problem accepting constraints and rules and I felt in my element over there.”

In his in-between years, waiting to return to France, Drogba recalls playing three-a-side street games, mini-tournaments with a punctured ball. The kids even had  a trophy to compete for – a plastic bottle containing sweets and the odd coin donated by neighbours. Young Didier played with an Argentina shirt on his back, brought back from a game in which his uncle represented Ivory Coast against the South Americans.

Drogba says his African roots explain much of the way he is today – including his late development as a footballer. “I often used to hear the word nonchalance from my coaches in the early days,” he admits. “Some Europeans take our apparent  calmness as something provocative, but it’s not that at all. An African guy will simply feel strong and untouchable; it’s something you have in your genes, nothing to do with being pretentious. It’s just a character trait you are born with.

“Mentally speaking, an African is solid: he knows how to be jovial even when things are going badly. It’s a way to show you’re relaxed and can deal with the situation. Right now, for example, there are problems in my homeland, but in the streets you will come across people having fun, partying. It’s just their way to forget and to make do, to deal with things. In the African culture we are taught not to complain and to be happy with what we’ve got. The African will often have the approach that things will be better tomorrow and therefore time is on our side.

“The danger is that having great faith in yourself can sometimes lead you to be blinded by that confidence,” he continues. “Having a great force of character can  sometimes turn against you if it ends up masking the reality. That’s what happened to me at the start of my career. Way too often, I would do things I shouldn’t,  diet-wise and fitness-wise, thinking that  I wasn’t risking anything. Thankfully,  with age I became more mature. I learned I would be better off thinking short-term sometimes. I like to think I’m still quite spontaneous but at the same time I have  a better grip on reality.”

In football terms, it all began for Drogba at the age of 15 with Levallois-Perret,  a club from the Parisian suburbs whose first team was playing in the equivalent of the Conference. Yet despite team-mates describing him as the best player at the club, four years later he had failed to make much of an impact. There was a genuine risk that he would never make it as a pro. Fortunately, Second Division Le Mans had seen  something in the 19-year-old and lured him away from the capital.

His early months at Le Mans were blighted by a spate of injuries which left him in despair. “Didier complained about often being injured,” says Alain Pascalou, then the assistant coach. “So I said to him: ‘Either bring charges against your parents because you’re a weakling, or set about changing something in your life.’”

Cutting out the Big Macs and the late nights, Drogba finally earned his first  professional contract at the age of 21, going on to score seven goals in 30 games in his first full season of second division football. But the following three-and-a-half years were marked by inconsistency, by ups and downs. Then, in January 2002, he moved to Guingamp. It was the turning point he had been waiting for.

In his first full top-flight season, playing alongside current France international Florent Malouda, Drogba rattled in 17 league goals. Alain Perrin signed him  for Marseille, and Drogba rocketed to stardom. In France’s most football-mad city (somewhere between Liverpool and Naples), Drogba unleashed the passion on the Velodrome’s 60,000 regulars with  a series of breathtaking displays. In his  solitary season in the south of France, he hit 19 league goals and another 11 in European competition. In the UEFA Cup quarter-finals, he scored home and away  as Marseille saw off Liverpool and then  walloped another two, including one  fantastic solo effort, against Newcastle in the semis to fire his side into the final.

Suddenly, the whole of Europe  was watching. Mourinho, who had already spotted Drogba in his Guingamp days, came across him in a Champions League group game with FC Porto and began his charm offensive with flattering comments and clever asides. A few months later, the two were reunited in London.

A hero in Africa and an icon in his own country, today Drogba is one of the most recognisable players anywhere in the world. At home, barmen have named a beer after him and fans crowd round TVs to watch him dance whenever he scores a goal for the Ivory Coast. There’s a communion in these celebrations that is reflected in the national team. You only have to see  the squad together for a little while to understand that these moments are as vital to them as oxygen. They share a closeness inconceivable in the England set-up.

It’s a cultural thing, according to Drogba. “Our get-togethers are great times,” he enthuses. “There are no barriers, there’s no holding back, not like in club situations where there are many different cultures and nationalities. It’s a chance for us to live in our African way. When we have a meal together, for example, you’d think it was  a wedding banquet or something. We’re all laughing our heads off from start to finish. Every meal is a celebration. The national team is a real family. We have so  many things in common, and childhood memories which are so similar. It’s only  natural that it brings you closer.

“In Europe, you tend to have everyone in his own world – guys with phones stuck to their ear, everyone doing their own thing. With the national team, it’s like we’re  a bunch of kids – everyone is singing, even those who will be on the bench. Maybe it’s to reassure ourselves or lift the pressure. When Sylvain Wiltord heard us before our friendly against France, he came up to me and said: ‘Hey, it’s really cool with you guys. You haven’t got a spare place going in the team for me, have you?’”

Drogba’s huge fan club back home has had plenty to cheer about this season, but 12 months ago, things weren’t so rosy. Drogba wasn’t scoring as many goals as  he would have liked, and not getting the appreciation he felt he deserved. Then came the infamous post-match television  interview with the BBC in which he said: “Sometimes I dive.”

Suddenly, Drogba was English football’s public enemy number one, slammed in the tabloids and broadsheets alike. Even parts of the Chelsea support fell in line with the anti-Drogba sentiment and took to jeering him. “There were times when it was very tough,” he admits. “Sometimes after a game you could feel a bit down. But let me tell you something: mentally I’m a very tough guy. I’ve learned to cope with anything, and I can use criticism, hostility, as a booster instead of allowing it to bring me down.

“Some players would have gone under. When you’re criticised by your own fans... well, not everyone would have been able to handle that. But I can sincerely tell you that it didn’t touch me. I didn’t allow it to.  It annoyed me, yes, because taking stick from your own fans is something I found ridiculous. But I rode it out.”

He’s more inclined to blame the media than the fans. “The accusations of diving really stemmed from journalists taking advantage of my less-than-perfect grasp of the English language. I think they knew what they were trying to get me to say. And from my point of view it’s more shame on them, not on me.”

The irony is that some of those same journalists will soon be voting for Drogba as this season’s Player of the Year. Right now, the race would appear to be between him and Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo; it’s a turnaround that makes the Ivorian chuckle. “It just goes to show how quickly things can change in football, doesn’t it? This time last year I was being criticised all the time, and taking stick from some of our own fans. Ronaldo came away from the World Cup branded a villain and with the papers asking if he would ever play for United again. Now people are talking about us as potential players of the year!

“Obviously it would be a great honour and quite something to win such an award. Beating Cristiano Ronaldo would in itself be something. He’s a great player – I really like watching him play. He brings this...  creativity to the game. He can really go  a long way because he’s still very young and he seems to have good people around him. He seems to have his head on his shoulders. He is scoring more goals this season as well, which makes him a real force.”

Not unlike a certain Chelsea striker... “We’re completely different players so you can’t really compare us but I like his ability to eliminate opponents. It’s funny to look at our respective paths. When I was 21, I’d just signed my first pro contract with Le Mans in the French second division. I’ve had an offbeat path. I didn’t go to any academy, I didn’t come up through a big club, like Ronaldo or Thierry Henry.

“Back then I couldn’t have imagined being where I am today. But I had  a dream. Like all young footballers,  I dreamed of making it to the top and I think having a dream is so important. You have to have something to hope for in life and maybe having that dream helped me get to the top.”

Whether you love him or loathe him, there’s no denying Didier Drogba is pretty close to the summit right now.

Interview: Darren Tulett. Portrait: Leon Csernohlavek. From the March 2007 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

Heroes & Villains: Tevez's swerving drive, Young's tumble & Kean's cluster of losers

2012-04-16T11:30:00Z

Heroes

Carlos Tevez
It would be overly simplistic to cite Mario Balotelli’s absence as the key contributor to Manchester City’s sudden rediscovery of cohesion, but his omission allowed another of their ‘lovable’ goal-scoring ‘rogues’ to show the Premier League what it’s been missing.
There was so much to admire in Roberto Mancini’s side’s 6-1 win at Carrow Road, but Carlos Tevez’s energy, link-up play and goals have added a spark to a season that looked to be winding down to a feeble surrender.
“We’ll fight to the end,” sang the away crowd as City lay siege on the Norwich penalty area, their angles of attack ever-shifting, their intensity out of possession relentless, and their goals increasing in quality with each notch on the scoreboard.
City seemed to be in a one match goal of the month competition. Was it Tevez’s wicked swerving drive that opened the scoring, Aguero’s rifle into the top corner which came after a telepathic team passing move or Aguero’s second, a marvellous solo effort that was capped with a measured finished from the edge of the area that was the best goal of the day?
City fans won’t mind picking over the goals again to aid their decision but for the rest of the league, it was a terrifying reminder of just how devastating City can be when they play without the handbrake on. If only Carlito’s golfing holiday had finished a month earlier…

Insert lame golf pun here

Manchester United
They might start every match at Old Trafford one goal up at the moment but United produced again when the pressure was on them. Sunday’s 4-0 win over Aston Villa was as comfortable as we’ve come to expect and the perfect reaction to their disappointing 1-0 loss to Wigan in midweek.
It seems almost perverse, given the scoreline, that this was another underwhelming showing from Sir Alex Ferguson’s men, but perhaps that has been the difference between them and their city neighbours. United can still stick four past another Premier League side without being at their devastating best. Wayne Rooney perfectly illustrated this point by turning in another sub-par performance yet still managing to find the back of the net twice.
City are running out of matches to claw back United’s lead, and at present it looks like they might just have done enough to walk away with their 20th league title.

Terry Connor
Wolves put-upon boss has looked like he’s needed a good hug for the past two months, but his team’s hard-fought 0-0 draw with Sunderland stopped a run of seven straight defeats. Stephen Fletcher could have won the match with a header which was well saved by Simon Mignolet, but the endeavour that was on display will have heartened Terry Connor.
For much of the last seven or eight weeks, Wolves have been far too easy to roll over, and perhaps they wouldn’t be five points adrift had Connor been able to get this much out of his team earlier. Whether it’s too little too late remains to be seen, but at least there’s a suggestion Wolves will go down fighting: "Things seem to go against you when you're down at the bottom but the lads have kept going and we'll keep going until the end,” said Connor after the match, thankfully not on the brink of tears this time.

The joy of snatching a point at Sunderland was clear to see on....oh

Gylfi Sigurdsson
Swansea’s on-loan midfielder put in another match-winning performance as Swansea ended a run of three-successive defeats in Saturday’s 3-0 win over Blackburn. The former Reading man has now scored seven goals since joining the Swans on loan from Hoffenheim, leading Brendan Rodgers to complain that his value was going up with each passing week. Sigurdsson has so far stated his intention to remain in South Wales next season, but will he still feel that way should one of the Premier League’s top sides come calling over the summer?

Villains

Ashley Young
After Young’s theatrics were put under the microscope in United’s 2-0 win over QPR last weekend, you’d have thought that the ex-Villa winger might try and keep a low profile this weekend. Instead, he produced an even more cynical act of deception and referee Mark Halsey bought it, pointing to the spot after just seven minutes.
This was United’s ninth penalty at home this season, the most any team has had since Arsenal in 2006/07.
Young’s card will surely now be marked, and referees might think twice before pointing to the spot for even the most blatant of fouls. A reputation such as the one Young is quickly developing is a tough one to shake.

Not the worst thing Young's been caught on camera doing, let's face it

Bobby Zamora
With matches against Man City and Tottenham among their remaining four fixtures, QPR have left themselves with the toughest possible assignment in preserving their Premier League status. Saturday’s defeat at the hands of West Brom has left them just two points clear of the relegation zone, which is troubling when you consider Bolton have two games in hand and Wigan appear to have found some semblance of form in recent weeks.
Bobby Zamora was signed as the answer to the Rs' goal-scoring woes, but in truth it’s a transfer that hasn’t really worked out so far. Deprived of his strike partner, Djibril Cisse, to perpetual suspension, Zamora was inept in this latest defeat, unable to provide the cutting edge in what appeared an eminently winnable fixture at the Hawthorns.
Most worrying for QPR fans will be the lack of a big push at the climax. West Brom were probably expecting the fight of their lives in the final 10 minutes, but instead were allowed to stroke the ball around and actually looked the more threatening as the game wound down. A short spell of domination either side of half-time was the best they could muster and it’s looking increasingly likely that the London club could be on their way back to the Championship.
The Four Year Plan Part 2, anyone?

Steve Kean
The tongue-in-cheek "Steve Kean for England" chants are a distant memory now and the rumblings of discontent from Ewood Park are once again increasing in volume. Who are the real Blackburn Rovers? Is it the team who battled to credible wins against Arsenal and Manchester United, or the hopeless cluster of losers who crumbled so meekly at the Liberty Stadium on Saturday?
Kean faces a mammoth task to keep Rovers in the division as their form seems to have deserted them at the worst possible time. They’re now three points adrift of safety after a self-destructive performance which featured a nightmare afternoon for Scott Dann. Not only did the former Birmingham defender make a complete mess of a clearance to gift Swansea their second goal, he also deflected in their third.
It’s difficult to see Blackburn escaping the drop now, with trips to Stamford Bridge and White Hart Lane to come. Their hapless manager may be heading for Venky’s industrial deep fat fryer.

Defeat was one in the eye for those who thought Rovers could stay up

John Ruddy
The scoreline may have flattered Mancheser City a touch, but the way in which the Canaries wilted after the Blues’ third goal was uncharacteristic given their performances so far this season. Norwich had their tails up after Andrew Surman’s goal had given them a foothold early in the second half, and they looked the more likely to score the game’s fourth goal until Carlos Tevez nodded in City’s third.
It may seem harsh to criticise John Ruddy having earlier lauded the standard of City’s goals, but he won’t be happy to have been outleapt by a 5’ 7” striker, and definitely should have avoided being beaten at his near post for City’s first, despite the mid-air deviation on the travelling ball.
The Norwich fans may have serenaded their custodian with chants of “England’s Number 1”, but on this evidence, he has some way to go before he can think of deposing his opposite number on the day.

Kop's komedy keeper kapers betray modern lack of depth

2012-04-13T14:34:00Z

FourFourTwo staff writer Huw Davies wonders why modern clubs so often have undisputed No1s

Liverpool’s comedy keeper capers this week have seen the Reds forced to recall their fourth-choice glovesman, Peter Gulacsi, from Hull ahead of their FA Cup semi-final against Everton. But it isn’t a sign of their lack of strength in depth between the sticks. Rather, it reflects the widespread death of the battle for the No.1 jersey.

At very few, if any, top clubs in Europe is there still a real bunfight over which goalkeeper is first-choice. Not only does nearly every major team have an undisputed No.1 – their second-in-command isn’t even close.

Take Chelsea. After the once-world-class-but-now-slipping Petr Cech, the Champions League semi-finalists have only the highly questionable Ross Turnbull and the hilarious Hilario in reserve.

Take Arsenal. Wojciech Szczesny has come on such leaps and bounds that he is now one of Arsenal’s best players. Are they offered the same kind of protection when he is replaced by Manuel Almunia, Lukasz Fabianski or – God forbid – Vito Mannone? Of course not.

For even more emphatic examples, look at the big two in La Liga. Real Madrid’s Iker Casillas, perhaps the best goalkeeper on the planet, need not fear for a moment that Antonio Adan will challenge for his spot, and if Barcelona lose the classy Victor Valdes to injury or suspension, they can only rely upon Jose Manuel Pinto, he of the outrageous ponytail and dodgy keeping habits.

This is Barcelona, for goodness’ sake: the best team in the world, and their back-up keeper is an unreliable 36-year-old with crap hair! Need we go on?

OK, so Liverpool aren’t alone. But are they really helping themselves with this ‘one good keeper only’ policy? By choosing to play Pepe Reina in every game in every competition, they are achieving continuity and, obviously, a better standard of first-team goalkeeper in all matches.

But their reserve stoppers aren’t getting match practice. And with goalkeepers more than outfield players, this means you aren’t getting the chance to build a relationship with the team’s defence in front of you. The drop-off in quality between your first- and second-choice keepers becomes massive.

In short, as soon as Pepe Reina cannot play for whatever reason – as is happening now – Liverpool’s last line of defence turns from reliability into liability.

And they’ve brought this on themselves. Since the departure of Jerzy Dudek, forced onto the sidelines by Pepe Reina after winning Liverpool the Champions League, the Reds haven’t even entertained the possibility of anyone seriously rivaling the Spaniard in goal.

There was Charles Itandje, Diego Cavalieri, Gulacsi, Jones and now Doni – all of whom were Reina’s direct replacement in event of injury and suspension; none of whom were or are of substantial quality.

It’s not that Doni is a terrible goalkeeper – he isn’t. He has 10 Brazil caps, after all, and impressed for Roma across half a decade. The point is that he wasn’t signed by Liverpool as a serious candidate for first-team action.

Can Doni himself be blamed for joining? Not really: at 32, moving to a traditionally big club to be a sub arguably makes sense. And he’s hardly alone: some keepers make a habit of moving to a club just to be second choice. Spanish one-cap wonder Cesar Sanchez played a handful of games in five years at Real Madrid, joined Tottenham as a back-up to Heurelho Gomes and is now, at 40, sitting on the bench for Villarreal (maybe not literally right now, admittedly).

Stuart Taylor is a classic example. In 15 years at Arsenal, Aston Villa and Manchester City, he has made in the region of 30 Premier League appearances. He’s happy, it seems, to be surplus to requirements.

Rightly or wrongly, reserve keepers are often seen as unambitious, or even lazy. Carlo Cudicini was certainly given that label at Chelsea.

It’s rare, though, that a goalkeeper stays to fight for his place. For one season, Manchester City had, according to Roberto Mancini and a fair few pundits, two of the best goalkeepers in the world in Joe Hart and Shay Given. A classic battle between the two was expected.

In fact, it lasted only one year, with Given leaving for Villa after that. Not that this was new: Gordon Banks left Leicester shortly after winning the World Cup when a young Peter Shilton insisted upon being first choice (and he was only 17, the cheeky git).

It was ironic, really, that Given found himself in this position, seeing as he’d taken Steve Harper’s place at Newcastle in 1997. And Harper has continued to be unlucky, falling to a lengthy injury last season and usurped by the superb Tim Krul as a result. Yet he hasn’t left the club looking for first-team football. Still, he is an exception. Some fight for a place, but the most part, sub keepers are expected to know their place.

And so we have the modern phenomenon of the ‘cup keeper’: top-flight teams giving their reserve goalies a run-out seemingly just to keep them happy. It can result in a change of the No.1 – Stoke went back to Thomas Sorensen after he impressed in their FA Cup run last season and Asmir Begovic struggled at the start of this season – but generally, it’s seen as crumbs from the table.

This even happens in the Championship: Cardiff stuck with second-choice Tom Heaton through their League Cup campaign this season right until the final, and were rewarded as he put in outstanding performances in the semi-final and final penalty shootouts (even if they were doomed to lose to Liverpool at Wembley).

More exotically, the aforementioned ponytailed Pinto plays in the Copa del Rey for Barcelona, but has featured in only 11 league games in five years at the Nou Camp.

Tottenham, meanwhile, had three keepers vying for a first-team place at the start of this season, electing to play Brad Friedel in the league, Heurelho Gomes in Europe and Carlo Cudicini in the FA Cup. Of course, it’s a cop-out as far as Gomes is concerned: if the one thing you want in a reserve keeper is patience and a safe pair of hands, the often-brilliant-but-volatile Brazilian is a nightmare candidate.

So which team has the right approach? Stoke, with their juggling of keepers according to form? Or Barcelona and Real Madrid, who seem to do fine with only one quality keeper? That said, Arsenal’s chopping and changing over the last few years led them to find a true No.1 in Szczesny - albeit only eventually, after Wenger initially overlooked the youngster in the hope that the older goalkeepers coming through the Arsenal academy would prove reliable.

In truth, it's very difficult to introduce a new goalkeeper, and transitions are rarely smooth. At Manchester United, Sir Alex Ferguson cast around for years trying to replace Peter Schmeichel, and filling the boots of Edwin van der Sar led to a very public beauty contest earlier this season between Anders Lindegaard and the initially derided David de Gea.

Even as managers rotate their squads so much that it's often hard to second-guess their first XI, such high-profile public competition for the No.1 slot is rare. When goalkeepers come and go, defences seem unsettled and the media are quick to label the manager indecisive.

But with so much at stake in such a vital position, shouldn't clubs reintroduce the policy of two - or more - keepers battling for supremacy? And should back-up keepers be satisfied with only domestic cup appearances, in the knowledge that often, even if they do well they may never get selected ahead of their rival but for injury?

Whatever the theories, the fact remains that Liverpool go into the FA Cup semi-final with a perceived weak link in goal. And you have to ask whether that would be the case had Pepe Reina been given the occasional rest.

Man City's biggest own goal: A decade-long transfer policy failure

2012-04-12T13:51:00Z

There comes a time during any revolution when those wanting to overthrow the status quo need to assess if they have the firepower, the arms and the force to enable them to override the current leaders. And if they don't, if they need more firepower, more arms and more force to enable change at the top, the recruitment of that force needs to be measured and considered.

Here lies the problem facing Roberto Mancini and Manchester City, a club with a long history of recruiting the wrong kind of cavalry. Their current men-at-arms are the ever-controversial Mario Balotelli, the rangy but disappointing Edin Dzeko, the short but explosive Kun Aguero and the rotund golfer Carlos Tevez.

Earlier this week it was implied and quickly denied that Balotelli had played his last game for the club, and it's not beyond the realms of possibility that all four will have left by September, given the revolving door at Eastlands and Real Madrid's covetous glances at Aguero.

City have never been a club to do things quietly, and they have flirted with both disaster and glory ever since their return to the Premier League with Kevin Keegan in 2002. In that decade a succession of managers, directors and chairmen have continually spent money on strikers who have rarely turned out to be suitable.

On their return to the Premier League, the citizens purchased Nicolas Anelka, Matias Vuoso and Alioune Toure to complement existing strike pair Shaun Goater and Darren Huckerby. Since then, City have recruited Robbie Fowler, Andy Cole, Darius Vassell, Georgios Samaras, Paul Dickov (again), Bernardo Corradi, Rolando Bianchi, Valeri Bojinov, Felipe Caicedo, Benjani, Robinho, Jo, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez, Roque Santa Cruz, Edin Dzeko, Mario Balotelli and Sergio Aguero.

Of those 21(!) strikers signed over the 10 seasons it's hardly unfair to say that only Nicolas Anelka, Carlos Tevez, Sergio Aguero and possibly Benjani for his derby-day heroics, have been storming successes. And even of those magical four, the current Tevez situation does the recruitment staff at City no favours.

While the remainder of those strikers haven't all been total disasters – with an honourable mention to Robinho, the marquee signing that arguably made the rest of the Abu Dhabi-fuelled imports possible – the litany of partial or complete failures shows the suits' strike-rate to have been as wasteful as most of their purchases.

With the in-form and ever-improving John Guidetti returning from his Feyenoord loan in summer – and Emmanuel Adebayor's Spurs loan ending with two years still to run on his Eastlands contract – City may not need to hit the market hard, despite being linked with names like Gonzalo Higuain and Robin van Persie

However, should they feel the need to recruit more top-line troops, they'll need a more measured approach to acquire the firepower needed to complete the revolution.

Heroes & Villains: Lucky generals, willing foot-soldiers and reluctant sharp-shooters

2012-04-10T14:41:00Z

The ever-hectic Easter weekend analysed by Mark Booth, with additional input from James Maw and Gary Parkinson

RESULTS Fri 6 Apr Swansea City 0-2 Newcastle United Sat 7 Apr Sunderland 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur; Bolton Wanderers 0-3 Fulham; Chelsea 2-1 Wigan Athletic; Liverpool 1-1 Aston Villa; Norwich City 2-2 Everton; West Bromwich Albion 3-0 Blackburn Rovers; Stoke City 2-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers Sun 8 Apr Manchester United 2-0 Queens Park Rangers; Arsenal 1-0 Manchester City Mon 9 Apr Everton 4-0 Sunderland; Newcastle United 2-0 Bolton Wanderers; Tottenham Hotspur 1-2 Norwich City; Aston Villa 1-1 Stoke City; Fulham 1-1 Chelsea

HEROES

Roberto Di Matteo
Considered to be a caretaker at Chelsea until the summer, Roberto Di Matteo is doing his reputation no harm in this spell. Many felt that Di Matteo wasn’t given enough time to turn things around when he was in charge at West Brom, but after Roy Hodgson came in and improved their results overnight, the Italian was the forgotten man when vacancies arose elsewhere.

While it’s not beyond imagination that Roman Abramovich will offer Di Matteo the job at Stamford Bridge long-term, chances are that summer will bring the usual big-name recruitment drive, while Di Matteo will have made himself eminently employable.

In beating Wigan and resisting a determined Fulham fightback, Chelsea occasionally rode their luck but looked to have rediscovered that resilience and bankability they once enjoyed at home. It also looks to be a happy, united camp, which is a remarkable transformation from those dark days under Andre "AVB" Villas-Boas.

They say if you can’t be good, be lucky. Chelsea might just have stumbled upon a manager who is both. – MB

Mikel Arteta
The matchwinner on a day to remember for Arsenal against Man City. The Gunners were every bit as good as City were shoddy in this one-sided 1-0 and their winning goal befitted the Arsenal performance. Arteta left Everton to play in matches of this prestige and with his classy, unfussy brilliance, he proved that he’s well worthy of the bigger stage of the Emirates Stadium.

While City’s best players either went missing or were marked out of the game, Arsenal gave an expressive, confident display that proved the QPR defeat was a blip. A familiar scoreline for Arsenal, then, but had there not been Joe Hart heroics and world-class performances from Vincent Kompany and Joleon Lescott, this could have been a hammering.

Wojciech Szczęsny barely had a save to make behind the completely unflustered Laurent Koscielny and Thomas Vermaelen, who in turned owed their calm to Arsenal’s midfield. Arteta, Alex Song, and Tomas Rosicky ran the show to overturn the carping of critics who compared them unfavourably to last term's Fabregas-Wilshere-Nasri trio. – MB

Manchester United
Title No.20 looks in the bag now for Manchester United as they put eight points between themselves and their city rivals. They were helped on their way on Sunday by one of the most generous refereeing decisions you’ll ever see but this was a display of total domination against a QPR side who would probably have accepted a 2-0 defeat after 15 minutes.

Over the past six games United have collected 10 more points than City to completely alter the complexion of the title race. It’s United’s to throw away now and one can’t help but feel it was Paul Scholes’ reintroduction in January that turned the tide. – MB

Luis Suarez
Liverpool haven’t got much left to play for in the Premier League but the fourth successive defeat that seemed likely for long stretches at Anfield on Saturday would have left morale at a very low ebb indeed. For that reason, Luis Suarez’s point-saving late equaliser against lowly Aston Villa was worth its weight in gold to Kenny Dalglish.

Liverpool fans might tell you that had all of their shots that hit the woodwork this season had gone in they’d have amassed 13 more points; however, even that hypothetical would only raise them one league position and in the harsh world of Premier League football, a shot that hits the crossbar is still off target. – MB

Grant Holt
It's a fair punt that The New Kevin Davies has been in the Heroes section more times this season than anyone else. Once more, against Everton on Saturday he dug Norwich out with his 13th Premier League goal of the season; two days later he intelligently led the line as the Canaries carved out a deserve win at Spurs. Wayne Rooney is the only Englishman to have scored more league goals than Holt, so we’ll say it again: get him on that plane. – MB

Alan Pardew
It seems that being linked with the England job sends managers spinning off-axis. In spring 2006, the beauty parade did Steve McClaren's Middlesbrough, Sam Allardyce's Bolton and Alan Curbishley's Charlton few favours; six years on, since the week after Fabio Capello's exit Harry Redknapp's Spurs have been on relegation form with six points from eight league games.

With that in mind, perhaps Alan Pardew's early withdrawal from the one-horse race – mocked at a time when Redknapp's coronation seemed imminent, inevitable and irrefutable – was yet another masterstroke from the Newcastle manager. Despite being in the top seven all season, the Magpies have somewhat flown under the radar compared to the media-dominating teams around them.

Using inherited players judiciously and adding to them with wise buys like Yohan Cabaye, Demba Ba and Papiss Cisse, Pardew has taken a club in danger of implosion to a realistic chance of Champions League football. And if the best teams are marked by their ability to win even on a sluggish day through individual brilliance or teamwork, their Easter Monday win over a surprisingly threatening Bolton team marks them out as a genuine threat to the three London teams squabbling over the lower Champions League positions. – GP

Stoke
Far be it from us to deal in cliché, but you really can't relax against Stoke, even if they're playing their 51st match of a stamina-sapping season. For the second time in three days Robert Huth equalised against a team with far more to fight for; although Villa outdid Wolves in holding on for a draw, their smallest home crowd of the season vocally aired their displeasure with players, manager, football and life. The Potters' five remaining fixtures include two (more) against drop-dodgers and two against Champions League aspirants: none can expect an easy ride. – GP

Paul Lambert
The fact that Norwich – already safe and with seemingly little to play for bar 'pride' – were the more determined, hungry and composed side at White Hart Lane on Monday afternoon says as much about the Canaries and their manager as it does out-of-sorts Spurs and Harry Redknapp.

Having stuttered somewhat in recent weeks, taking just five points from their previous seven, it seemed as though the Premier new boys had their eyes on the beach after all but securing their top-flight status in the first six months of the season. But motivation didn't seem like an issue as they put a major dent in Tottenham's Champions League hopes, while also securing perhaps the most memorable victory of their own season.

Lambert's pro-activeness and touchline enthusiasm was in stark contrast to his opposite number, with Redknapp spending most of the game slouching in the home dugout seemingly unable to turn the tide in his team's favour. The Scot has instilled a tactically flexible City team with a determined work ethic and uses his squad intelligently according to the opponents.

While Brendan Rodgers has enjoyed huge praise for Swansea's superb showing this term, Lambert has perhaps been left in the shadows somewhat, despite taking his team further up the league ladder. Norwich fans may actually see this as a good thing, especially with the ‘managerial merry-go-round’ likely to be in full swing this summer, including in North London. But with Norwich now four points and league places ahead of the Welsh side, perhaps he is a better candidate for manager of the year. – JM

Victor Anichebe
Some Toffees fans remain undecided about Big Vic, Everton's top league scorer and the third-deadliest in the league on a minutes-per-goal basis. Overshadowed by Nikica Jelavic and no stranger to boos from the Goodison faithful, he refused to celebrate after putting Everton 4-0 up against Sunderland. Some might call this petulant, but we'd prefer to say it was an acknowledgement that the goal was clearly deflected in off luckless Jack Colback – and that after Anichebe's airshot from the first attempt. To wildly celebrate a goal like that would take the self-obsession of, say, Tim Cahill. – GP

VILLAINS

Mario Balotelli
It looks like Roberto Mancini has finally run out of excuses for not-so Super Mario. From the kick-off at Asenal Balotelli looked like a red card waiting to happen and should have seen red after just 20 minutes for his horror tackle on Alex Song. Martin Atkinson probably would have done City a favour had he seen the potential leg breaker and dismissed the Italian; such was his lack of application.

The Balotelli sideshow is just one factor of many in City’s likely failure to win the title. An over-reliance on David Silva, a lack of width and an increasingly emotional manager have probably done for City’s title charge but it’s such a shame to see genuine professionals like Vincent Kompany, Joleon Lescott, Joe Hart and Sergio Aguero so badly let down by one of their team-mates in this encounter.

Kompany will probably lift the Premier League trophy eventually but you increasingly get the feeling that he won’t be passing it along the line to Mario, after his manager admitted that he’s likely to have played his last game for City. There’s a good player in there somewhere, but there's no greater indication of how far Balotelli's stock has plummeted than that many City fans would prefer to see Carlos Tevez at the club in August. – MB

Lee Mason
We’re not in the habit of hanging referees out to dry after a decision made in haste and reviewed at leisure... but that’s exactly what we’re going to do this week. On Sunday at Old Trafford, Lee Mason didn’t just make one bad decision; he made three for the price of one.

Not only was Man United's Ashley Young at least a yard offside, it was the faintest of touches from QPR's Shaun Derry and the harshest of red cards after just 15 minutes. Forget video technology: if referees are going to make knee-jerk decisions and players are going to dive, then we’ll still be debating bad decisions for decades to come.

Even more bizarrely, Mason seemed to make up his mind instantly rather than to take a second to discuss it with his assistants. As Jamie Redknapp put it, “he couldn’t wait to send him off.”

Young shouldn’t escape without any blame, either: he has previous for making the most of minimal contact before hitting the ground, like those other pesky foreigners Adam Johnson, Steven Gerrard, Danny Welbeck, Wayne Rooney... – MB

Mike Jones & Dave Bryan
It wasn’t a good weekend for officials elsewhere either, with assistant referee Dave Bryan failing to spot that Branislav Ivanovic was at least two yards offside before he gave Chelsea the lead against Wigan. It was cruel on the Latics, who deserved at least a point out of the match, and it was a decision that left Roberto Martinez furious.

"I don't want to go into the debate that it's very easy to referee against little Wigan," said the usually calm Spaniard, "but unfortunately, I believe this is the best league in the world and we should get better decisions than that." It remains to be seen if Martinez will be punished for his comments but one would hope common sense prevails and he’s forgiven for his justified anger. – MB

Mark Hughes
It's hard enough to win at Old Trafford with your best players, and with just seven matches left for QPR to preserve their Premier League status, you might have expected Mark Hughes to give his side the best possible chance of causing an upset. No disrespect to Jay Bothroyd, but surely the Rs needed Bobby Zamora’s strength and leadership upfront.

Hughes also left Joey Barton out of the team to… well, we’re not exactly sure but it was something to do with saving Barton’s suspension until later in the season. When they will probably need the points even more. After they picked up none at Old Trafford. Right… – MB

Gary Caldwell
More evidence, if needed, of what a cruel game football can be. At Stamford Bridge, Caldwell made an uncharacteristic burst forward just minutes after Diame’s equaliser for Wigan and was presented with a golden opportunity to notch what might have been the winning goal for his relegation-threatened side. Instead of going with his head, the defender – who a fortnight earlier had calmly notched a winner at Anfield's Kop end – tried to chest it down and the opportunity was quickly gone. Within seconds, Chelsea broke away and scored. Caldwell will be hoping that wasn’t a season-defining moment in Wigan’s battle to defy gravity once more. – MB

Wolves
The weekend could have gone worse for Wolves – the teams closest to them all lost, too – but time is running out for Terry Connor’s men, six points adrift with six games left after six straight defeats.

Saturday's tea-time kick-off at Stoke gave them the knowledge that Bolton, Blackburn and Wigan's losses meant they could halve the gap. They were even given a leg-up with a fortuitous opener when David Edwards's run and air-shot sufficiently confused Asmir Begovic to let Michael Kightly's through-ball bounce past him.

But this seems a side without self-belief. Connor’s admission that he didn’t feel there was a foul in the lead up to Stoke’s winner was admirably honest in this blame culture era but perhaps it also revealed a weakness that has permeated onto the pitch: an acceptance of their fate. – MB

Sunderland
Going anywhere nice for your holidays, lads? Not yet you aren't. After tearing up the table in Martin O'Neill's first couple of months with seven wins in his first 10 league games, Sunderland have only won two of the last 11 games in an all-competition run incorporating a Hawthorns hiding, a Blackburn beating, late surrenders to Man City and (painfully) Newcastle, and a chaotic Cup exit at home to Everton.

The Toffees again twisted the knife on Easter Monday, winning 4-0 with a much-changed team. A goalless Easter leaves Sunderland back in the bottom half, only a point below eighth place but only three points above 14th, much less glamorous – and miles behind their Europe-chasing neighbours. – GP

Meeting Zlatan, the Football League's Top 50 & King 'Arry's managerial merry-go-round

2012-04-04T13:56:00Z

The May issue of FourFourTwo has hit the shelves – Didrik Ottesen reveals why it’s a must-read...

As an increasing number of football fans start losing sleep and gnawing off their own fingernails with the season approaching its tense climax, you can be sure FFT will keep 'putting in a shift' through to the glorious (or bitter) end of the campaign - and beyond.

With the season coming to a close, what better time to name the Top 50 Football League Players of this season? That's exactly what we do in the May issue of FFT.

One man whose end-of-season ambitions are slightly higher than breaking into the top 50 (about 47 places higher, to be precise) is Harry Redknapp. Those who know him the best exclusively reveal to FFT how the East End wheeler-dealer* has become England’s would-be-king.

What were his exact words to Paul Merson when he wanted to take him to Portsmouth? What does Paolo Di Canio actually think of his ex-boss? And how does John Hartson think Harry handled ‘The Berkovic incident’? All is revealed to FFT by the men themselves.

We also take a look at how the current Tottenham manager could start chaos this summer by instigating the biggest ever managerial merry-go-round, should he depart White Hart Lane for Wembley and the England job.

Also potentially on this contractual carousel could be Jose Mourinho, Pep Guardiola and Roberto Mancini, but what do these three succesful managers have in common? They’ve all managed Zlatan Ibrahimovic (or at least tried to...). The super-Swede is exclusively interviewed in our new issue.

Is it true he used to do taekwondo? What actually happened between him and Guardiola at Barca? It’s all revealed as FFT chats with the mercurial and controversial serial title winner.

Another man who's no stranger to controversy is Paolo Di Canio. We travel to the Kassam Stadium to take an up-close look at the lower league clash the Italian labelled “bigger than Roma-Lazio” - the A420 derby between Oxford United and Di Canio's Swindon Town.

Sticking with all things Football League, there's also our aforementioned countdown of the Top 50 Players - plus we name the best player at all 72 clubs in the Championship, League One and League Two.

We also hop over to Rome to reveal what really happened when Dundee United were harassed, threatened and denied a European Cup final place when they played Roma in 1984. Then we go to China to have a chat with Shanghai Shenhua manager Jean Tigana, learn how Shenhua got hold of former Arsenal, Real Madrid and Chelsea 'bad boy' Nicolas Anelka and how they may lure Didier Drogba in the same direction.

But we don’t stop there! We also speak to Chelsea hot-shot Oriol Romeu, go one-on-one with Fabrizio 'the White Feather' Ravanelli, talk amazing headers with Martin Palermo, have a cheeky chat with Roberto Di Matteo, ask Kevin Phillips few silly questions, look at the game’s top ten cry babies, talk to Milan Baros on scoring goals for fun at Galatasaray and speak to Zico, who is now manager of Iraq (just the football team, not the whole country).

Not bad for an end-of-the-season effort, really.

This issue was brought to you by Fabrizio Ravanelli, Craig Burley, Rob Scott, Liam Hearn, Radamel Falcao, Steve Fletcher, Ian Taylor, Roberto Di Matteo, Matt Jarvis, Kevin Phillips, Michel Salgado, Shaka Hislop, John Hartson, Paolo Di Canio, Remi Garde, Matt Ritchie, Jordan Rhodes, Peter Whittingham, Nicolas Anelka, Marlon Harewood, Oriol Romeu, Joey Beauchamp, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Eamonn Bannon, Archie MacPherson, Maurice Malpas, Jim McLean, Davie Dodds, Zico, Ilie Dumitrescu, Milan Baros, Martin Palermo, Rio Ferdinand, Seb Larsson, Rickie Lambert, Marco Tardelli, the top scorer in world football and the Italian who supports Truro City...

*Only joking, Harry...

My Favourite Premier Player: The all-American hero

2012-03-30T15:50:00Z

American players haven't always been well-received in England. FourFourTwo contributor and Champions staff writer Andy Murray celebrates the man who did more than most to change that.

It can be difficult to like the Yanks. The migraine-inducing accent grates to the point of self-harm; Hollywood’s bombastic films – they’re not 'movies' – offend good taste; and the sense of arrogance irritates most Anglophiles purely because, let’s face it, we’d love to be able to pull off Marlon Brando’s muttered insouciance.

It should be even harder to truly love an American ‘soccer’ player. Coming over here, taking our jobs, and bringing cheerleaders and pom-poms with them to enliven Millmoor or Kenilworth Road; not even Cobi Jones’ skittish runs down Coventry City’s wing could melt my heart to the post-1994 World Cup American invasion. John Harkes was pretty average, ditto Claudio Reyna and Joe-Max Moore.

Brian McBride changed everything.

Blessed with a neck so sturdy and thighs so thick they could start revolutions, he was different. Nobody could head a football like Brian. At just 6ft, he wasn’t tall but that thigh definition wasn’t for idle decoration: the American striker could out-jump any centre-half. Having reached the ball first, he’d then pummel away goalbound headers with the ferocity most Premier League footballers usually reserve for a 2am post-kebab fracas. In the States, he’s nicknamed McHead: it shows.

First brought to England by David Moyes for a six-month loan at Preston in 2000, he threw himself into the First Division’s rough and tumble with typical gusto. During his September debut against Stockport, a nasty collision caused a blood clot in McBride’s arm that required an operation to remove a rib and alleviate the pressure.

He only managed another eight appearances but within two years Moyes came calling again, his Everton side in need of Premier League firepower. McBride’s four goals in eight games piqued Fulham’s interest and it’s here that I fell in love with the stately Yank.

I’m no Cottager – settle down at the back – but as a rakish midfielder who’s scared of his own shadow, let alone 6ft 4in defenders, I wouldn’t put my shapely chicken legs anywhere near the challenges McBride would with his head. A man-crush hastily developed.

His bloodied yet unbowed performance at the 2006 World Cup after Daniele De Rossi’s elbow assault – look closely and you can see a hole in his cheek – remains my defining image of this Titan’s perfect bone structure and magnificent jawline.

“McBride has enough titanium in his face to cause backups at airport security checkpoints the world over,” says MLS journalist Jeff Carlisle.

McBride isn’t the best American player in Premier League history. Thanks to Clint Dempsey, he isn’t even the best American player in Fulham’s Premier League history. But his selfless hold-up play and willingness to run himself into the ground are attributes adored in SW6.

When the Craven Cottage club survived relegation on goal difference in 2007/08 – having being five points adrift with three games to go – it was club captain McBride, plus Jimmy Bullard, the team turned to for inspiration. A McBride goal – a bullet header, obviously – against rivals Birmingham City on the penultimate day of the season went a long way to avoiding the drop. It’s easy to see why the club named a bar at the ground in his honour a season after his departure in 2009.

“I’m not a Fulham fan, but as an American I’m proud of McBride,” says a comment on a YouTube compilation of his goals. Well, I’m neither a Cottager nor a Yank, but so am I. A trailblazer who donated $100-a-goal to the Central Ohio Diabetes Association after losing his grandfather to the disease, he made American footballers fashionable, as Dempsey has found to great success [Jozy Altidore less so – Ed.]

Sod Bruce Springsteen, McBride’s my all-American hero.

PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK FEATURES
The 100 Best Premier League Games
All-time domestic and foreign Premier League Perfect XIs
My Favourite Premier Player: The badly drawn artist
The Premier League's 20 worst kits and 20 best kits
My Favourite Premier Player: The Emperor of Rome
Judgement Day, 1994: The four-way relegation play-off
My Favourite Premier Player: The French revolutionary
Back to the future: How Sky changed football forever
My Favourite Premier Player: The classy clown
Roman Abramovich: He came, he saw, he conquered
My Favourite Premier Player: The all-American hero

My Favourite Premier Player: The badly drawn artist

2012-03-30T13:20:00Z

Matt Le Tissier: A Southampton player so good, even Portsmouth fans liked him. Well, some of them. FourFourTwo's features editor Hitesh Ratna pays tribute.

The extravagant beak. The shapeless hair. The bulging midriff. The lumbering gait. Without the ball, Matt Le Tissier looked totally out of place on a football pitch. Like a fan who had somehow blagged his way into the team; who, as soon as the ball came to his feet, would be exposed as some Sunday League chancer. This wasn’t a professional footballer, surely.

Then he’d get the ball and everything would change. Having received a pass, he was just as likely to hit an inch-perfect 80 yard pass, slalom (albeit very slowly) between two defenders or nonchalantly flick it up and volley home from 30 yards. And for me, that was the simple but enduring appeal of Southampton’s favourite son: not that he was a great player, but that he was a great player who looked like he should be a sh*t player. An oxymoronic combination of lumbering elegance, the everyman genius, the workaday (Le) God.

Which is why I think his collection of astonishing Premier League goals is unlikely to be matched. Cristiano Ronaldo looks like he should be able to thwack the ball in from 40 yards. So what if Thierry Henry beat the entire Spurs team to score; he was part footballer part sprinter. And as for Dennis Bergkamp, well, he’s Dutch. He was born to play.

Le Tissier, on the other hand, is from Guernsey. GUERNSEY! He certainly wasn’t a sprinter, and for him, six-packs are to be kept in the fridge. When speaking to FFT in 2010, he confirmed his casual approach to professionalism – and at the same time enhanced his appeal – by revealing his pre-match meal: an omelette. And as for fish and chips, never on a match day; they were reserved for the night before a game.

Fuelled by eggs, battered cod and mushy peas, he still managed to score that goal against Blackburn. That goal against Newcastle. That goal against Manchester United. He was, it seemed, incapable of scoring a bad goal. And being the first midfielder to score 100 goals in the Premier League, there was quantity to his quality. His tally of 25 league goals from midfield for the Saints in 93/94 has only been bettered once: by Cristiano Ronaldo in 2007/08.

But then Ronaldo played for Manchester United, who in 2007/08 did the league and Champions League double. The season Le Tissier bagged his record haul in the league, Southampton finished 18th, one point above relegated Sheffield United. With the Saints scoring a paltry 49 goals, it meant Le Tissier scored more than half of all the team's goals.

And yet he stayed. Flair surrounded by graft. Ronaldo played with Wayne Rooney, Paul Scholes, Ryan Giggs and Carlos Tevez. Le Tissier had to make do with Francis Benali, Jason Dodd and Iain Dowie. To borrow from David Baddiel, seeing Le Tissier in the Southampton lineup was like finding a Matisse in a bunch of Rolf Harrises. But then he was a throwback to a bygone era off the pitch too: his loyalty bigger than his ambition. You can’t help but admire his devotion.

It is, after all, one of the reasons that Le Tissier can count Xavi among his fans. “I used to love watching Matt Le Tissier,” the Barca midfielder told FFT in 2009. “He played for a small club with a small stadium. But he would never leave. He stayed where his heart is.”

Yes, Xavi. He stayed where his heart was and scored great goal after great goal. All while having the mobility of a wheelie bin.

You’ve got to love that.

The 20 worst Premier League kits

2012-03-30T10:43:00Z

Earlier this week, we gave credit where it's due for the 20 best Premier League football kits. Now, it's time for debit where it's due: the worst of the last two top-flight decades. And no, that grey Manchester United kit isn't in there…

Arsenal (A) 1991-1993
Welcoming the Premier League era with a bang (as taste leaves the building, slamming the door behind it), this chevron shocker is a staple of bad-shirt lists because it's quite unbelievably bad. Someone designed this; someone cleared it; some even bought it.

Aston Villa (H) 2004/05
More shameful chevron shenanigans. Rehired kit manufacturers Hummel went overboard on the pointy little bleeders for this shirt, which only lasted a year before being dechevronned. Didn't stop people asking "Why are they sponsored by Cows?"

Birmingham City (H) 2010/11
Give the people what they want, goes the mantra. So when Birmingham hired Chinese manufacturer Xtep, there was a four-way public vote on the new shirt design, and the worst one won. Could've been Villa fans on the sly; certainly a lesson that democracy doesn't work. You hear that, China?

Blackburn Rovers (A) 1996/7
Not a good season for Rovers. Alan Shearer had gone, Ray Harford resigned, Sven-Göran Eriksson reneged on replacing him – and the players had to shuffle around in this mess, which combined an unwisely bold yellow with vertical strips of what looks like doodles or the result of leaning against a freshly-creosoted fence.

Bolton Wanderers (H) 2008/09
You'd think it'd be hard to go wrong with a plain white shirt. You'd be wrong. This Reebok effort made it look like the Wanderers players were wearing some sort of sports bra. The one after that looked like a stripy Tesco carrier-bag.

Chelsea (A) 1994-1996
Back in the early 90s, there were conversations in the pub (it's like Facebook, but boozy) about whether kit manufacturers were trying to outdo each other in awfulness. The Silver Tangerine may be Umbro's entry, as worn by Chelsea ledges like Ruud Gullit and Dennis Wise.

Coventry City (A) 1992/93
Notable taste-swerving shirt pioneers since the 70s (the Talbot T, the cack-brown away kit), Cov reached a nadir with this effort from the Premier League's first season. Thankfully seldom seen, it was redolent of a car windscreen in a particularly grisly public information film about seatbelts.

Everton (H) 2009/10
Yep, the white bit recalls fond memories of Everton's excellent 1985/86 season. But coupled with the chest-crossing hem, it looks too much like a lady's plunging neckline. And we really don't want to consider Osman's orbs, Cahill's cleavage, Bilyaletdinov's bazongas, etc.

Fulham (A) 2010/11
Apparently, some people like this kit. They say it's the colour of Australian sports teams, as if that makes it all OK. It's also the colour of the result left behind after a sickly cat gorges on grass, or a toddler eats its crayons.

Liverpool (H) 1993-95
Shankly changed Liverpool to all-red in 1965, but in 1991 Adidas added their three-stripe motif overtly to the right shoulder and left hip, and this update doubled the intrusion so players looked like they'd been rugby-tackled by Tippex. The team's not been the same since. Coincidence?

Manchester United (H) 2009/10
Commemorative kits are good for clubs, in that they can scrap them after a year, and for fans, in that they don't have to put up with frequently awful designs for more than one campaign. Some centenary or other 'inspired' Nike to whack a black rugby-shirt V across the chest; reaction was mixed, to say the least.

Newcastle (A) 1997/98
Newcastle don't have to wear their away kit very often; good job, with shockers like this. This cacophony of blue, green and orange – with badge and stripe off-centre for no real reason – looked like an ugly bruise ripening in the sun, and when Kenny Dalglish's underachievers wore it in a 4-1 defeat at Leeds ref David Elleray changed his own shirt to avoid any comparison.

Norwich City (H) 1992-1994
No apologies for including the legendary "Canary-cack" shirt, one of several from the dawn of the Premiership when kit designers appeared to be seeing just how much they could get away with. Apparently manufacturers Ribeiro went bust halfway through the 1993/94 season, and replacements Mitre toned it down ten notches for the following campaign; draw your own conclusions.

Nottingham Forest (H) 1994-1996
Forest were relegated and immediately re-promoted in a pin-striped strip of cool simplicity, which was the subtly altered in pre-season to replace Shipstones with new sponsor Labatts. Sadly they then switched to this over-egged pudding, with thick black "rucksack straps" and unnecessary white horizontals.

Reading (A) 2007/08
Hoops are jolly, lively livery. Perhaps influenced by the dour public image of Steve Coppell – a man who once, when asked what promotion to the Premier League meant, replied "nine months of hell" – Reading dialled down the joy by choosing change colours of funereal black and grey. Reading were relegated.

Sheffield Wednesday (H) 1995-1997
You'd think it'd be difficult to get it wrong with stripes. You'd be wrong. After a century of regularity, Wednesday suddenly decided to go all barcode, making it harder to see the badge (pity) and manufacturer logo (justice) and adding unprecedented splashes of yellow. And that's to say nothing of the background montage of letters saying, oh yes, SWFC (Stop Wilfully Faffing with the Colours?).

Sunderland (A) 1996-97
"To mark the 11th anniversary of the 1985 Milk Cup Final – which Sunderland lost 1-0 to Norwich City through an own goal in a season which ultimately saw both teams relegated – we've honoured our Canary conquerors by adopting their colours for a change strip." So ran a press release which we've just made up.

Tottenham (A) 1995/96
Purple is the colour of kings. Purple is the colour worn by high academics. Purple is the colour of pride. Purple is the colour of UKIP. Purple is the colour of death. Purple should not be the colour of a football kit.

West Ham (H) 1993-95
In the early 90s, kit manufacturers overstepped the mark. Having signed up West Ham and Southampton, Pony wasted no time in pasting their trademark (no, really) reverse tick across the chest of the players, attempting to justify it with various other unnecessary brush-strokes.

Wigan (A) 2008-09
Fluorescence demands confidence. It screams "look at me", so you'd better be worth looking at. Barcelona did it in 2005, Chelsea in 2007; Wigan coat-tailed along the following season. No need for jokes about news arriving slowly in Wigan.

Don't shout at us, it's just a bit of fun

2012-03-30T10:00:00Z

Putting together any 'Top 100' is difficult when the subject matter is so subjective, but compiling The Top 100 Premier League Games still seemed like a good idea at the time. More fool us.

Everybody will disagree with our analysis, we know that. But if the mantra 'different strokes for different folks' was good enough for the late Gary Coleman, it should be good enough for you.

However, particular apologies to fans of the four Premier League clubs past and present who don't feature in any of the 100 matches we've chosen. We apologise because we've either made a mistake, or your team is boring.

Nope. We don't know what's going on here either...

So, what makes a match one of 'the best'?

It's not about one singular moment, rather a full 90 minutes of entertainment and drama. For that reason, the game featuring Darren Bent's beach ball assisted goal against Liverpool is out, but the one including Sunderland's calamitous treble of own goals against Charlton is in (sorry, Mackems).

We know goals aren't the be all and end all as far as a compelling football match is concerned, but it stands to reason that there are a fair few high-scoring thrillers in the list. We've attempted to counter that by including some particularly enthralling low-scoring matches, while remaining mindful of our remit.

Some matches are also there because the ramifications shocked us to our very core (forgive us if we’re being melodramatic, but this is the Premier League, after all), by leading to title glory, European qualification, relegation…or perhaps a suspension or four.

Ultimately, these are the 100 matches we look back on from the last 20 years that make us think ‘yes, that was good’.

So sit back, relax and enjoy The Top 100 Games of the first 20 years of the Premier League (minus the ones we forgot).

Your Premier League Perfect XIs: UK vs Rest of the World

2012-03-29T15:42:00Z

Earlier this week we asked you to pick two perfect XIs as part of our Premier League week: one made up entirely of Premier League players born in the UK, and another of 11 foreigners. You sent us some fascinating suggestions – some brilliant, some... shall we say, 'interesting'.

Of course, that shouldn’t be a surprise – it’s not easy to pick these teams. Not only do you have 20 years’ worth of players to choose from, and in one XI a whole world to scour, but you have to take into account how 11 footballers plucked from different periods, places and clubs would interact; what the team’s tactics would be, and whether you could trust that midfielder and this defender to be on the same team without them either nutting each other or sneaking off with their team-mate’s missus (or both).

Do you pick a team that could realistically work together, or pack it full of superstars and hope for the best? That’s what the pros often seem to do, if 11 years of Perfect XIs in FourFourTwo are anything to go by. A few of you took the same approach: that is, just cry “Sod it” and try to find space for Zola, Bergkamp, Cantona, Henry and Ronaldo all on the same pitch (you know who you are).

Here are a couple of your more feasible XIs – as feasible as this concept can get, anyway. First up: the Brits.

We’re big fans of Matt’s attacking triumvirate, with an experienced midfield putting in the hard yards behind. The only problem could be a lack of width, unless Rio fancies charging up and down the touchline on the overlap.

No width woes for Atif, who also injects a bit of Welsh flair into an otherwise all-English team with the inclusion of Ryan Giggs. Again, though, no real mopper-upper in the middle – and the Premier League Foreigners XI is bound to have some creativity to handle.

Let’s find out. For your consideration: two of your own suggestions for the all-time Overseas Premier League XI. And no, we didn’t include the one that featured Richard Dunne (again, you know who you are).

It’s a very balanced side, is Keith’s, but one with creativity and goals all over the park. Even his goalkeeper has a Premier League goal to his name. And there’s no doubt Thierry Henry would enjoy having David Ginola and Gianfranco Zola to lay on the assists as well as his former Arsenal team-mates in midfield.

Now this, we like: Claude Makelele anchoring, to allow the rest of the team to surge forward. Dwight Yorke is an interesting selection as the ying to Henry’s yang, as are hyper-attacking full-backs Dan Petrescu and Silvinho. C-Ron and Marc Overmars might have some tracking back to do.

So, onto FourFourTwo’s own pair of XIs. We’ve made some brave choices in our selection, but you can’t pass up this opportunity to pick so many talented players...

We’ll admit it: we’re slightly worried about defending the flanks. But this is the sexiest team (or indeed the only team) you’ll ever see playing 3-4-2-1.

And the UK team...

Obviously no predominantly English team could even think of playing in a formation so loose – or indeed, any formation other than 4-4-2. So 4-4-2 it is, with an allowance made for a midfield diamond to push Le Tiss – just edging out Paul Scholes – up the pitch.

So what do you think? Which of these teams is the best, and which the worst? Who would you pick? And who would win between a UK and foreign Premier League XI? Let us know in the comments below, on Facebook or on Twitter with the hashtag #premxis.

Judgement Day, 1994: The four-way relegation battle

2012-03-29T13:16:00Z

History remembers the victors, but some of the most dramatic moments in 20 years of the Premier League have come in relegation battles – tense, all-or-nothing affairs. In November 2000, FourFourTwo recalled a day full of them.

Swindon were down. So were Oldham, barring a miracle. But who would join them in Division One? On 7 May, 1994, four teams were fighting for their Premier League lives.

The Build-Up
As dawn broke on Saturday 7 May 1994, Everton fans awoke to contemplate a potentially dreadful day in their club’s history. After losing 3-0 to Leeds United the week before, the Toffees had dropped into the Premier League relegation zone, one point behind Ipswich Town, Sheffield United and Southampton. Unless results that afternoon, the final day of the season, went their way, Everton would be dumped unceremoniously into Division One (as it then was). Their opponents were Wimbledon, who had nothing to play for, but who were also notoriously difficult opponents.

"It was win at all costs," recalls former Everton right-back Ian Snodin. He and his team-mates knew that if Everton drew they would need Ipswich to lose at Blackburn in order to stay up – they would be unable to catch Southampton and Sheffield United, who had vastly superior goal differences. "No matter what we did, if everyone else won their game we’d be relegated," says former striker Tony Cottee. "We were relying on others."

Wimbledon went into the game in sixth place, on the back of a nine-game unbeaten run, seven of which they’d won. The Everton faithful were clearly worried: the Wimbledon team bus was set on fire the night before the game in the hope that the Crazy Gang would be put off their stride. It didn’t work.

"If it’d been anybody but Wimbledon I’d have thought, 'Perhaps they’ll roll over and let us win', but they’d have loved to send Everton down because we’d had some battles with them in the past," says Snodin. "At the time they were also a good team with some very good players," says Cottee, "so we knew it was going to be tough."

Former Dons boss Dave Bassett was also hoping Wimbledon would do him a favour, as he was now manager of Sheffield United. "Sam Hammam felt he had been snubbed once by Everton and wanted to see their demise," says Bassett in his book Harry’s Game. "He even offered his players a holiday in Las Vegas if they won."

United had pulled themselves clear of the danger zone with two wins and a draw in consecutive games and approached their encounter with Chelsea at Stamford Bridge in relaxed mood. "We didn’t think they’d be up for it because they were in the FA Cup final the following week and nobody wanted to get injured," says former United defender and lifelong fan Carl Bradshaw. "Some of the other teams had difficult games so a draw would have done us."

With a tough away match at Premier League runners-up Blackburn Rovers awaiting them, Ipswich Town would also have been happy to pick up a point. "We thought a draw would have been a great result," admits John Wark, then approaching the end of his illustrious playing career with the club. "That was our aim and we hoped other results went for us."

Southampton had what appeared to be the easiest game of the four teams. They were playing West Ham, who were lying in 12th place, at Upton Park. They could go for the win with more confidence, knowing the Hammers had little more than pride to play for.

"We weren’t expecting any favours from West Ham," says the Southampton skipper, Francis Benali. "But if you know that a draw might be enough, there are some doubts as to whether you go for the win. That’s completely the wrong approach to take."

The First Half

Everton got off to the worst possible start. After four minutes, Anders Limpar inexplicably stuck out a hand to Gary Elkins’ corner and Dean Holdsworth scored from the resulting penalty.

Seven minutes later, Danny Williamson gave West Ham the lead at Upton Park. "I began to think, 'Oh my God, here we go', because we didn’t know what the scores were elsewhere," says Benali. But the Saints’ worries were short-lived – Wimbledon doubled their lead over Everton on 20 minutes, when Gary Ablett sliced an Andy Clarke shot (which was going wide) into his own net. "The way in which we conceded the goals was ridiculous – typical of our season," says Everton’s manager at the time, Mike Walker.

Moments later, Holdsworth missed a clear-cut opportunity to make it 3-0. "That would’ve been game over," says Cottee. "Teams rarely come back from 3-0 down to win." Then, on 24 minutes, Graham Stuart gave Everton a glimmer of hope when he pulled a goal back from the penalty spot following a foul on Limpar by Peter Fear. "It was crucial that we hit back straight away," says Snodin. "If we’d had two minutes to reflect on the situation it would have been difficult to pick ourselves up and get a result."

However, things went from bad to worse for Everton. On 29 minutes Jostein Flo gave Sheffield United the lead at Chelsea. Then, on the stroke of half-time, a trademark Matt Le Tissier free-kick drew Southampton level with West Ham. Meanwhile, Ipswich were holding firm against a Blackburn attack spearheaded by Alan Shearer at the height of his powers. "We were quite cautious in the first half," says Ipswich midfielder Geraint Williams. "We knew we had to pick something up and if we were two or three down by half-time that would’ve been impossible."

"Blackburn were doing most of the attacking," says Wark. "It was like Custer’s last stand: we had a flag planted on the edge of our box."

Half-Time

Everton 1-2 Wimbledon
Chelsea 0-1 Sheffield United
West Ham 1-1 Southampton
Blackburn 0-0 Ipswich

As the teams trudged off at half-time, the bottom of the table was much as it had been that morning. As fans around the country tuned in their radios, they learned that as long as Wimbledon led, other results would be immaterial.

That left Everton needing to twice breach a defence that had conceded three or more goals only four times in the Premier League that season – to the top three, Manchester United, Blackburn and Newcastle, plus Leeds United, who finished fifth. "Having got a goal back, there was no need for me to start shouting," says Mike Walker, whose players were not made aware of what was happening elsewhere. "The players still knew what they had to do."

Instead, it was left to the elder statesmen in the Everton dressing room to rally the troops. "I’m one of those players who went around boisterously voicing my opinion to get the lads going," says Snodin. "Dave Watson was another. If it was left to the three or four of us, there was no way we were going down."

"It helped that it was still win or bust," says Cottee. "We had to go out and keep piling on the pressure. And we did. I don’t remember Wimbledon having too many chances in the second half."

Ipswich, on the other hand, were still happy to just keep things tight at Ewood Park and hope that Everton wouldn’t come from behind to beat Wimbledon. At half-time, according to Wark, Town manager John Lyall merely said, "You’re defending well: just try and hold out and hit them on the break." Sometimes that tactic can work. Sometimes, of course, it can not bring salvation.

The Second Half

If the first half was the undercard, then the second half was the main event. After seven minutes of sparring, the punches were thrown thick and fast. Southampton drew first blood, Neil Maddison’s 52nd-minute strike giving Saints the lead at Upton Park and making them all but safe. Then, in the space of three minutes before the hour mark, Jakob Kjeldberg’s headed equaliser for Chelsea was immediately cancelled out by a Glyn Hodges goal for Sheffield United. "From then on we thought we were cruising, no problems," says Carl Bradshaw.

Matthew Rush and Le Tissier then exchanged goals at Upton Park. Everton, who were now laying siege to the Wimbledon goal, still occupied the third and final relegation spot, still needed to win, but were still trailing 2-1.

But, in the 67th minute, the ball broke loose from a corner for Barry Horne – who hadn’t scored all season – to lash a 30-yard shot past a helpless Hans Segers into the top left-hand corner of the Wimbledon goal, prompting Barry Davies’ famous cry of "Oh, Horne!" on Match of the Day. It was 2-2.

"A few Everton fans came running onto the pitch," remembers Cottee – but the team’s position had not altered. Even when Mark Stein made it 2-2 for Chelsea against Sheffield United in the 77th minute, Everton remained in the dropzone. However, the pressure was now building on the Blades, who had twice surrendered the lead at Stamford Bridge.

What followed soon after was both the pivotal moment of the day and a major talking point for years to come. We are, of course, talking about Graham Stuart’s 81st-minute winner for Everton: no more than a firm, side-footed prod that squirmed past Hans Segers into the net after Stuart had played an untidy one-two with Cottee on the edge of the box.

Segers’ failure to make what seemed like a regulation save came under scrutiny two years later when he was at the centre of match-fixing allegations [thoroughly refuted and never proved - Ed.]. In his book, The Final Score, the Dutch keeper gives his account: "He hit a shot that took a deflection off another player’s leg, so that made the ball change direction slightly. The pitch was uneven and the ball hit a bump and spun beyond my control as I dived."

Everton fans teemed on to the pitch in the realisation that, for the first time all afternoon, their team were out of the relegation zone. Stuart’s goal had, instead, left Ipswich – who had been lucky not to concede a penalty in the 73rd minute when David Linighan punched a Lee Makel cross – needing to win at Blackburn. "In the last 10 minutes, I suppose we panicked and everyone was bombing forward trying to get a goal," says Geraint Williams. "We did have a few chances."

At Stamford Bridge, Sheffield United were also pushing forward in search of a winner. "Our bench said we needed to win because everybody else was winning," says Bradshaw. "A draw would have been enough, but obviously we got the wrong messages." As United committed men forward, Chelsea broke clear and caught them on the counter-attack. Glenn Hoddle – on as a second-half substitute – flicked on Dennis Wise’s cross for Stein to add his second in the 90th minute of the game. Within 30 seconds of the restart, the final whistle was blown.

At Ewood Park, though, the teams were still playing. On hearing that Chelsea had scored, Ipswich again stepped on to the back foot, believing a draw would be enough. "It was a funny game, especially the last 10 minutes," says Wark. "Our reserve goalie at the time, Clive Baker, was running up and down the line giving us messages. One minute it was, 'Attack, attack, attack', then all of a sudden we had to get back and defend."

Ipswich held on, but the reaction at Ewood Park at the final whistle was not unbridled joy at getting a draw – the players knew they had to wait for news from the other grounds. "A few players jumped in the air and some sank to their knees, but then the bench came running on so we knew we’d done it," says Geraint Williams.

As expected, Southampton joined Ipswich in escaping the Premiership trap door, despite being pegged back to 3-3 in the 90th minute before a pitch invasion at Upton Park temporarily forced the players off. By the time the players emerged from the dressing rooms, the Saints already knew they had been saved, but at Goodison Park Everton were still waiting for confirmation. "I didn’t know we’d survived until I got to the tunnel," says Cottee. "John Fashanu was there. He said, 'You’re safe, TC, you’re safe', because he obviously knew the other results."

Sheffield United had staved off the threat of relegation for 90 minutes only to be sunk by an injury-time goal conceded chasing a winner they didn’t need. "We got off the pitch as soon as possible," says Bradshaw. "Everybody was distraught. We had it in the palms of our hands and we threw it away."

"When you play Russian Roulette, you sometimes get the bullet," said a pensive Dave Bassett after the game.

Full time
Everton 3-2 Wimbledon
Chelsea 3-2 Sheffield United
West Ham 3-3 Southampton
Blackburn 0-0 Ipswich

"The scenes after the game were unbelievable," says Mike Walker. "There were grown men crying." Although the champagne corks popped in the Everton dressing room, not everybody was in the mood for celebrating. "From my point of view it was a time of relief," says Cottee, who left the club four months later. "Celebrations are for cup finals and winning the league."

Of course, the Toffees did have FA Cup success to celebrate a year later, but faced more struggles against relegation until the arrival of Walter Smith as manager, despite pledges – like that made by two-goal hero Stuart after the Wimbledon match – of "We must never let this happen again."

For Ipswich, whose brush with relegation had been expected, survival proved to be no more than a stay of execution. They finished the next season propping up the Premier League. "After the game, John Lyall said to us, 'You’re very lucky to still be in the Premiership,' says John Wark."

For Sheffield United (and Swindon Town and Oldham Athletic), relegation had dire consequences. They were relegated at a time when the gulf between Division One and the Premier League – in terms of quality of football and financial rewards – was starting to widen and have never threatened to return since [until 2006 – Posterity Editor]. After the Chelsea match, Bassett described the relegation as "the most difficult and emotional time I’ve experienced." There are many who played or watched football that day who would feel the same.

From the November 2000 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

The 20 best Premier League kits

2012-03-28T15:19:00Z

Two decades of high-eyeball merchandising opportunities... sorry, team shirts have produced some crackers and some shockers. First, how it should be done...

Arsenal (H) 2000-2002
The finite shelflife of modern kits help take you back to a certain time, and Arsenal's relatively shortlived sponsorship by Sega's ill-fated Dreamcast pins this kit to the dawn of the new century: Pires, Henry, Ljungberg, Vieira, Campbell, Cole and a third Double.

Aston Villa (A) 2009/10
After two years of oppressively dark away kits, Villa's 2009 set paired simple dark blue shorts with a top of almost stunning simplicity: plain white with a subtle pinstripe and unfussy sponsor logo. The year after, they switched back to black and gained an ugly new sponsor. Never mind.

Blackburn Rovers (H) 1992/93
Back to dark blue after a brief flirtation with a suspiciously sky-blue hue, Blackburn's first top-flight kit for 26 years paid much more reverence to the ancient halves than to the sponsors' red logo. Quite right, too: why bow to corporates when Uncle Jack's signing the cheques?

Chelsea (A) 2003/04
Chelsea have had some awful away kits of late but this design was well-received. The central double stripe was eye-catching without being eye-watering, and even its slight similarity to an Embassy Regal cigarette packet was kinda retro.

Crystal Palace (H) 1997/98
Few teams can have changed their colours more often than Palace, who have flitted between white, red and blue in various combinations. The late-90s dabbling with white shorts, socks and collars coincided with a top-flight season that begun with Steve Coppell and concluded with Lombardo, Brolin and ignominy.

 Fulham (H) 2009/10
After disastrous dalliances with asymmetry and overcomplication followed by back-to-basics plain white, Fulham got the balance right with this round-collared, black-sleeved effort. That it coincided with the greatest season in their history may be a happy accident or divine design approval.

Leeds United (H) 1993-1995
New unfashionable sponsor, new unheralded kit-maker, new unprecedented horizontal stripe… it could have gone horribly wrong, but this blue-collared classic was a marvel of understated design. Sgt Wilko's team responded with two fifth-place finishes.

Leicester (H) 1996-1998
A golden era for the Foxes, with the first silverware in a quarter-century and Martin O'Neill building a team featuring Heskey, Lennon, Claridge & Co. They lined up in this kit, with tasteful two-tone V-neck collar and cuffs and a sponsor logo yet to absurdly incorporate the sun.

Liverpool (H) 1995/96
They like a bit of 'istoree at Anfield. After unfortunate early-90s kits majored on three intrusive diagonal white stripes, Adidas' final strip for a decade recalled the club's 70s pomp by relegating the manufacturer motif to a subtle sleeve-stripe and restoring the red hegemony everywhere except a bold white V-neck.

Manchester City (A) 2011/12
If you have plans to conquer the continent, you can do worse than ape AC Milan. That was Malcolm Allison's idea in the late '60s, when City adopted Rossoneri stripes as an away kit – and won the league, FA Cup, League Cup and Cup Winners' Cup. This season's strip reverts to the popular theme.

Manchester United (H) 1998-2000
Reeking of David Beckham, this kit strongly evokes the 1999 Treble-winning side – although in Europe the side wore a simpler version shorn of the black piping. The zip-up collar and elasticated cuffs even kept out the worst of the weather. Well, some of it.

Middlesbrough (H) 1992/93
Although predominantly red since the 19th century, Boro have often been bold with wedges of white, and their kit for the Premier League's maiden season was a fine example. Lennie Lawrence's team wore proud splashes of white and that iconic ICI sponsor's logo.

Newcastle United (H) 1995-1997
If the round white four-button collar lent this shirt a timeless quality, the Newcy Brown bottle label rendered its wearer almost a walking symbol of the city. And with attacking title campaigns, stunning record signings and dramatic managerial walkouts, everyone was watching Newcastle.

Nottingham Forest (H) 1992/93
Compared to its magic-eye predecessor and black-swathed successors, this was a classy outfit for Brian Clough's final, relegation-doomed season. The buttoned red collar and subtle pinstripe were entirely suitable attire for Stuart Pearce and Roy Keane to wear while terrorising the division.

QPR (H) 1995/96
The titular hoops have remained largely untouched, but this is our favourite iteration. The simple round blue collar and centralised badge marked a classy debut by kit manufacturers View From (who they?). Shame the team struggled without Sir Les Ferdinand and dropped out of the top flight.

Southampton (H) 1995-1997
After two years of looking awful in Pony's first Saints kit with asymmetric stripes and a reverse tick at the top, Le Tiss & Co. were delighted to receive a back-to-basics affair with pleasing thin stripes and a retro collar. Just don't mention the Where's Wally socks.

Tottenham Hotspur (A) 2000/01
You can tell a good away shirt when you hope for more kit clashes. Tottenham only had to wear this tasteful, regal dark blue outfit a handful of times and lost on each occasion – although they had unveiled it at the tail-end of the previous season with a home win against Sunderland. Oh well.

West Brom (H) 2002/03
Boinging into their first top-flight season since 1986, the Baggies took kit design in-house and produced their best shirt in years. Tasteful stripes, no extraneous detail, simple collar... if only they hadn't finished 19th in it.

West Ham (H) 2001-03
With Harry Redknapp, Rio Ferdinand and both Frank Lampards gone, this was a new era for West Ham under Glenn Roeder. With Paolo Di Canio looking more imperious than ever in two-tone round-neck, blue sleeves and white socks, the Hammers finished seventh, their second-highest position in 15 years… then got relegated the following season.

Wimbledon (H) 1993/94
For the second Premier League season, Wimbledon acquired a sponsor and a new kit manufacturer, darkened the blue and added a tasteful yellow collar. It worked: fired by 24-goal Dean Holdsworth, the Dons finished sixth – as it turned out, their highest position.

And now the bad news: the 20 worst Premier League kits

PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK FEATURES
The 100 Best Premier League Games
My Favourite Premier Player: The badly drawn artist
All-time domestic and foreign Premier League Perfect XIs
My Favourite Premier Player: The Emperor of Rome
Judgement Day, 1994: The four-way relegation play-off
My Favourite Premier Player: The French revolutionary
Back to the future: How Sky changed football forever
My Favourite Premier Player: The classy clown
Roman Abramovich: He came, he saw, he conquered
My Favourite Premier Player: The all-American hero

My Favourite Premier Player: The Emperor of Rome

2012-03-28T14:15:00Z

In our Premier League week we'll be celebrating 20 years of the rebranded top flight – including naming our favourite players from that era. This time, it's the turn of FourFourTwo editor, Mr David Hall, to speak of a certain feisty Italian...

They all thought he was mad. Harry Redknapp had finally lost the plot. Paolo Di Canio? Paolo Di effing Canio? He’s a complete lunatic. He pushes refs over, for gawd’s sake.

When West Ham took delivery of Sheffield Wednesday’s bad boy in 1999, there was more than a little concern over H’s mental health. Then the Italian played. And how he played. "Paarlo" was unique. He would happily pluck a pass out of the sky at chest height, hold the ball up, beat a couple of players and get a cross off. He’d then follow this by berating everyone within a 10-yard radius for not being on the end of his fine work. It took a while for the rest of the team to get on his wavelength.

West Ham have had a lot of great players pull on the claret and blue, but very few that fulfilled the cliché of "worth the entry fee alone". Di Canio was one of those men – entirely unpredictable, sublimely skilful and completely unhinged.

Here are some moments that define Paolo Di Canio:

The Spotkick Spat (vs Bradford City, 12/02/00)
This game finished 5-4 to West Ham, but not before Paolo and Frank Lampard had enjoyed a wonderful handbags session over who was going to take a penalty. Paolo won (of course) and scored the spot kick (of course).

The Voluptuous Volley (vs Wimbledon, 26/03/00)
For me, still the greatest Premier League goal of all time. It was a fairly quiet match in front of a not-very-full Upton Park, but that never really bothered Di Canio. Over comes the cross from Trevor Sinclair, and while he’s airborne, Di Canio controls a volley with the outside of his foot back across the Wimbledon keeper. Something to tell the grandkids? You betcha.

The Conscientious Catch (vs Everton, 15/12/00)
Many fans wrote Di Canio off as a petulant child, particularly after his Alcock pole-axe while with the Owls. Then he goes and does a stupid thing like this. Rather than collect a cross and stuff it in an empty net, the Italian caught the ball. Why? Everton’s keeper had rushed out to collect a ball and had crumpled with what looked like an excruciating knee injury. Rather than give West Ham three points, Di Canio showed the world he was a mature chap after all. He won FIFA’s Fair Play Award for his trouble.

The Barthez Bungle (vs Man Utd, 28/01/01)
Admittedly, this was an FA Cup game, but humour me if you will. Although not a spectacular strike, this was Di Canio at his best. Unerring self-belief had him ignore the attempts of Fabien Barthez waving his arm in the air as if an offside decision had been given. The Italian calmly continued, slotted the ball in the net and sent the away support into raptures. For many seasons after, West Ham fans still greated Man United followers by waving and arm in the air to the song "Let’s all do the Barthez".

The London Larrup (vs Chelsea, 28/09/02)
East London doesn’t have much love for the West, so Di Canio scoring a brace of fantastic goals in a 3-2 win confirmed his legend status for Hammers fans. The first was impudence of the highest order – Di Canio flicking the ball up to set himself for a 35-yard volley past Carlo Cudicini. Bosh!

Weirdly, for all his on-pitch brilliance and arrogance, that probably wasn’t his greatest strength as a Premier League star. His biggest asset as a player was his ability to engage with and understand the fans.

Di Canio had form with his boyhood club Lazio, where he was a regular on the terraces. This experience shaped his innate ability to relate to fans – something that Swindon Town supporters will, no doubt, have noticed over this past season. He more often than not judged the mood of the fans perfectly, meaning he was a divisive character to have in the team. Just ask Glenn Roeder.

His name still rings out at Upton Park today as the fans pine for that stardust that Di Canio brought to West Ham. The Boleyn hasn’t seen the likes of him since he left for Charlton in 2003. Nine years is a long time. Many feel it won’t be much longer before he’s back, wreaking wonderful, beautiful havoc again.

My Favourite Premier Player: The French Revolutionary

2012-03-27T14:26:00Z

In our Premier League Week we'll be celebrating 20 years of the rebranded top flight – including naming our favourite players from that era. Today, FourFourTwo staff writer Huw Davies on the seagull-invoking collar-botherer...

I should have hated Eric Cantona. For many a football fan growing up in the 1990s, Manchester United represented the enemy: relentless victors, who in my case just as relentlessly defeated my team in every meeting, regardless of how well either side played. In short, they were winners. And as a result, probably without meaning to, they seemed to convey a sense of entitlement – even arrogance.

If any footballer embodied arrogance, it was Eric Cantona. The man who didn't so much play football as imply he was gracing the field with his presence. The man who perfected the art of celebrating a sublime goal with a shrug, almost literally before Mario Balotelli was throwing his toys out of the pram. The man who told FourFourTwo in 2008: “I don't care about being superior – if I want to kick a fan, I'll do it.”

So naturally, I should have hated him. Certainly, it's hard to find yourself in the same corner as a man content to assault a football supporter on the pitch, whatever the verbal provocation. But with the ban and headlines of “The sh*t hits the fan” now mere footnotes, history has forgiven him. In the same way that only Leonard Rossiter could get away with playing Rigsby and only Barack Obama could get away with singing Al Green as President, only Cantona could get away with kicking a fan in the face. He got away with it because he is Cantona.

Of course, this aura off the pitch was a result of his wizardry on it; you couldn't be an average player and receive the adulation he did (especially as a Frenchman in a still staunchly anti-Gallic country). He swept across the pitch in gliding movements, creating space with consummate ease and shooting as naturally as if he'd booted his way out of the womb. Now he would be seen as a false 9, bringing team-mates into the game with his movement. At the time, it was hard to see him as anything other than just... brilliant.

But for all the goals among his countless on-pitch memories – that volley against Liverpool, that volley against Wimbledon, that volley against Arsenal – Cantona, like Dennis Bergkamp at Arsenal years later, was possibly even more adept at creating chances than taking them. Often out of nowhere, too: his chip to set up Denis Irwin in the 4-1 win against Tottenham in January 1993, just a month after he joined United, showed that. It doesn't take a great stretch of the imagination to think that with the likes of Rod Wallace to be on the finishing end of Cantona's creativity, Leeds United could have pushed harder for a title had Howard Wilkinson kept him at Elland Road for more than a few months.

Not that this went through the head of a boy watching Cantona on Match of the Day. A few clipreels were enough to make me put up my collar every time I played football; my excuse was that I was protecting my neck from sunburn, but nobody was fooled.

And I wasn't alone in trying to recreate his chip against Sunderland, and like everyone else, I had about as much success as I did in emulating his inimitable reaction as the ball clipped in off the post – the slow turn, taking in his surroundings.

He was impetuous, aloof and if you believe The Sun, a thug – but Cantona's class was enough to make him a hero, not a villain. Just.

There's a fantastic piece on miniboro.com inspired by Diego Maradona called Tainted Love. It also describes my feelings towards Eric Cantona. Tainted love – but love nonetheless.

Roman Abramovich: He came, he saw, he conquered

2012-03-27T13:03:00Z

In February 2007, FourFourTwo marked its 150th issue with a number of features on 'The Men Who Changed Football'. But it's not all about the Wengers, Cantonas and Bosmans – as David Conn explains, one mega-rich Russian changed football forever the moment he stepped off his private jet and into Stamford Bridge...

The BBC was always painfully eager, in July 2003, to say it “broke” the story that a Russian, Roman Abramovich, had suddenly bought Chelsea. The Beeb’s then business reporter, Jeff Randall, was more than usually excited about the deal, telling the nation that Abramovich, whom he described blankly as “one of the richest men in Russia”, had indeed taken over the faltering, debt-soaked West London club. We were given no context then about who Abramovich really was, or how he came to have so many barrels of roubles, or why he had chosen to pour so much of this money into buying a football club which was reaching the end of Ken Bates’ line.

Bates, who briefly retired to Monaco with his £17m pay-off from Abramovich before suffering from football club  ownership withdrawal syndrome and  buying Leeds United, has always scoffed at claims that Chelsea had been just days from financial collapse. Abramovich’s  people never quite went that far, but Bruce Buck, the lawyer who became Chelsea’s chairman, did say that the club had been in “very serious financial difficulties”.

Abramovich’s intervention was to blast huge change into the English game, and it instantly wiped away Chelsea’s debts. The formerly crippling £75m Eurobond loan, which Bates had taken on in December 1997, was made to seem like  a tenner Chelsea had forgotten they owed the newsagent.

Nor was the new regime prepared to wait and see how the players they inherited would fare: Abramovich splurged £117m immediately on a  shopping list of new playing staff. When you recall who Chelsea bought in that initial frenzy – Hernan Crespo, from Inter Milan for £16.8m; Damien Duff, £17m from Blackburn; Claude Makelele, £16.6m from Real Madrid; Geremi, £7m from Middlesbrough; Adrian Mutu, £15.8m from Parma; Glen Johnson, £6m from West Ham; Wayne Bridge, £7m from Southampton; Joe Cole, another from  relegated West Ham, for £6.6m – it is worth reflecting on how scattergun their success rate has been.

There was always a question about how far the Abramovich project had signed up to the manager, Claudio Ranieri, but he nearly made himself difficult to sack,  guiding Chelsea, with some dignity and humour, to second in the Premier League –  11 points behind unbeaten Arsenal – and to the semi-final of the Champions League, where they lost to Monaco, 5-3 on  aggregate. Monaco lost 3-0 in the final to Porto, so Chelsea hired the European champions’ manager, Jose Mourinho. The offer he couldn’t refuse included a reported £6m a year salary and all the money he could ever spend on players.

Chelsea went buying again: Arjen Robben, a £12m PSV winger who turned down Manchester United; Mourinho’s  ex-Porto defenders Ricardo Carvalho, £19.85m, and Paulo Ferreira, £13.2m, joined Didier Drogba, signed for  £24m from Marseille, and Petr Cech, a  goalkeeper who cost £7m to ginger up some competition with Carlo Cudicini.

Mourinho brought organisation,  solidity and ruthlessness of purpose, along with his signature arrogance and overcoat, to this extravagant collection, and two  seasons after the questions over whether Bates’ Chelsea were even going to survive, Abramovich’s club were Premier League champions. Manchester United, until then the world’s richest, their fortune built on commercially exploiting the conveyor belt of success engineered by Sir Alex Ferguson, suddenly looked like game northern  tryers compared to the plaything of the dreamy-eyed playboy gazing down from the Stamford Bridge directors’ box.

As to why Abramovich did it, we can still only speculate, unless we choose to believe the simple explanation offered in the only interview he has given since he shook English football to its foundations. He had, he murmured, “fallen in love with the beautiful game”.

This is the same rationale since offered by all the businessmen flooding in from overseas to buy Premier League clubs. They all say they love the game, not that they can smell money. The Glazer family who paid £810m for Manchester United from their Florida base and saddled  the club with £660m debt told us they  were “avid” United fans. Randy Lerner, the MBNA credit card company heir who bought Aston Villa in the summer of 2006, said plenty about the interest he developed in football when a student at Cambridge in the early 1980s, but nothing much about his financial plans or motivation for buying the club. Eggert Magnusson, the chairman of Iceland’s FA, waxed on about the history and heritage of West Ham after the £85m takeover of the club in November, although the principal financial force behind the deal, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, did acknowledge – via his spokesman – that it represented for him a “business opportunity”.

Accounts of Abramovich’s life depict  a lonely, sickly orphan who did not play football with the rough-and-tumble lads of his neighbourhood. But as a billionaire, he said he was taken to Old Trafford one night and decided to buy some of the game’s magic. He looked – this is important to remember – at Real Madrid and Barcelona, but found that Spanish clubs are not for sale because, great football institutions as they are, their fans own them.

"I want that one!"

English clubs, however, are all companies. And they were all then, except for United, in  various states of financial desperation, with debts accumulated either in trying to keep up with United or avoid relegation to the financial tundra of the Football League. Abramovich’s purchase of Chelsea sparked another round of wage inflation, with top players reportedly paid £120,000 rather than the £100,000 which had previously been top whack. The already debt-laden clubs realised they were falling even further behind, and began a worldwide search for more Abramoviches to sail to the rescue.

Although he never gave a more detailed, grown-up explanation of why he came from nowhere to buy Chelsea, Abramovich did in that sole interview provide a tantalising glimpse of the business culture from which he had emerged. Asked what advice he would give to young people aspiring to make money in Russia, Abramovich cited what was a wry saying among his peers: “Do not imagine that you will never go to jail.”

Behind the man’s unreadable blue eyes, and his purchase of a football club, lies the story of Russia’s carve-up after communism. The country was not lovingly remodelled with the help of well-meaning western  advisors into a fully functioning democracy and economy. Russia’s institutions, the army, police and civil service cracked apart, millions of ordinary people’s savings and pensions were rendered worthless  overnight, and the country’s vast, state-owned industries, property and natural resources were suddenly up for grabs.

Abramovich is said to have launched his business career selling toy plastic ducks from a grim Moscow flat. He then built a career in that post-communist environment with an oil trading company, Runicom. But he landed his really outrageous fortune not through gradual hard work and dynamism but via what many Russians regard as the greatest scandal of those wild years, the ‘loans for shares’ scheme.

Abramovich, then in partnership with an extremely influential new businessman, Boris Berezovsky, had worked his way into the inner circle of Russian president Boris Yeltsin, who was politically embattled and running out of cash. ‘Loans for shares’ was dreamt up by Yeltsin’s advisors after intense lobbying from these businessmen, who sniffed that they were within reach of Russia’s great prizes.

Abramovich with Berezovsky

The almost unbelievable arrangement was that the businessmen would lend Yeltsin’s government money and support, and in return he would grant them,  by decree, the right to manage huge  companies owned by the state. These  massive assets, including oil fields and  refineries and huge nickel and aluminium processing factories, were then sold off in “auctions” which were effectively closed to competitors. The same few businessmen paid a fraction of the companies’ true value and became billionaires overnight.

Abramovich bought Sibneft, a company sitting on 30 per cent of Russia’s oil, for just $200m – money he could easily borrow because the company was worth billions. While the majority of Russia’s population floundered in a collapsing society, a handful of individuals had landed much of Russia’s wealth. They were labelled the oligarchs.

Chrystia Freeland, the Financial Times’ Moscow bureau chief during those chaotic times, named her book Sale of the Century after the loans-for-shares process. It was, she wrote, “Such a naked scam, such a  cynical manipulation of a weakened state, that – especially now as Russia continues  to fall apart – it is tempting to dismiss the  rapacious oligarchs who instigated it as just plan evil.

"Yet... the future oligarchs did what any red-blooded businessman would do, seeking the most profitable opportunity. The real problem was that the state allowed them to get away with it.”

The explanation provided by John Mann, Abramovich’s and Sibneft’s spokesman, does not differ all that much from Freeland’s. “Was the process perfect?” Mann asked rhetorically. “No. The investors lent money to the Government in return for managing the companies, then later when the companies were privatised they had an advantage in buying the  shares. But it was not illegal; they played  according to the rules of the time.”

Mann argued that all of Russia was  undervalued, and Abramovich was taking a risk on whether his company would succeed in the modern era – although with a resource as precious as oil, it is difficult to see how the “auctions” could make Abramovich  anything other than an instant billionaire.

Abramovich attained celebrity here by buying into football, and nobody seems to care much how his money was made. But in Russia, the oligarchs were and still are loathed, seen by most people as latter-day robber barons. When Vladimir Putin,  a president with old-style Soviet roots, took over from Yeltsin, he was expected to undo the oligarchs’ wealth, although he is reported to have told them he would leave them intact if they stayed out of politics.

Those who opposed Putin were hounded, including Berezovsky, who moved to London and fought off extradition proceedings on the grounds that criminal charges laid against him in Russia were politically  motivated. Then two years ago, the  wealthiest oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky was arrested and charged with massive fraud, theft and tax evasion, for which he was  eventually convicted, sent to prison and stripped of all his wealth.

In Britain, the debate about Abramovich – such as it was – barely touched upon the moral question of how he scooped his wealth,  or whether our football clubs should be vehicles for billionaires from  anywhere. Instead, most of  a half-hearted discussion  centred on whether his  intervention had been good for the English game.

Simon Greenberg, who left his role as sports editor for the Evening Standard to become Chelsea’s head of communications, says it has all been positive: “Before, people complained that English football was  dominated by Man United and Arsenal. Roman Abramovich’s investment in Chelsea has broken that duopoly and  created more competition. Much of the money has trickled down the game.”

"Hello? Is that the England team? Yes, I can hold."

Greenberg cites the purchases of Cole and Johnson from West Ham, Scott Parker for £10m from Charlton in January 2004 and Shaun Wright-Phillips from Manchester City for £21m in July 2005 as examples where the selling clubs have been able to use the money to balance their books and sign players from clubs lower down.

“The investment of so much money in Chelsea has also been a catalyst for more investment in other clubs,” he says, “which has been good for the game.”

Malcolm Clarke, chairman of the Football Supporters’ Federation and a Stoke City fan himself, could hardly disagree more completely: “Mostly the new owners – wherever from overseas or here –  are attracted because football is  a plaything for them or to make money, not because they have any links to a club. The money is not trickling down meaningfully;  the gap is growing wider between the rich clubs and the rest, and  weakening the competitiveness  of football.”

Before Abramovich arrived, Arsenal and Liverpool had been terrified of Manchester United’s financial power, leading Arsenal to borrow £260m to build their 60,000-capacity Emirates Stadium and Liverpool to decide to move too, but fail to find the money. The discussions which Liverpool began in December with Dubai International Capital were the latest in a two-year hunt for a saviour which began embarrassingly with talks, ultimately aborted, with Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra.

Everton announced a partnership with the Swiss-based Fortress Sports Fund, which promised investment from another Russian businessman, Boris Zingarevich, who  contemptuously denied he had any  intention of becoming involved. Man City, with debts of around £100m after Kevin Keegan’s spending spree, made clear their willingness to “talk” to any passing Russian billionaires, but sadly, nobody called.

In fact, the next acquisition of a top English football club finally happened down the Mancunian way: the slow, tortured,  bitterly contested takeover of Manchester United by the Glazer family in June 2005. It was an education in the poker game of company takeovers – the Irish racehorse owners John Magnier and JP McManus walked away with £227m, winnings of  an estimated £100m, from their sale of  29 per cent of United – and in the eye- watering way deals can be financed.

United were not only eight times Premier League champions, three times Double  winners and European Champions in 1999, but the club prided itself on having won so much and relentlessly expanded Old Trafford’s money-making activities without going into debt. United’s accounts for the last 11 months before the takeover showed a turnover of £159m, still way above Chelsea or any other club, a profit before tax of £10.76m, and no bank loans or borrowings at all.

The Glazers paid £810m in total, with £265m borrowed from bank JP Morgan  and £275m from three US hedge funds at punishing interest rates of between 14 and 20 per cent. The Glazers then took United off the stock market, and ladled the debt onto the club itself. After refinancing last summer, United’s total bank debts, which were zero, are now £660m, with £62m due in interest every year.

For a core of Manchester United fans who had opposed the original stock market float, protested against the ticket price increases and aggressive commercialism which branded Ferguson’s golden years, then fought in 1999 to defeat the proposed takeover of United by Rupert Murdoch’s BSkyB, the Glazers were a fate too far. Those fans formed a new club, FC United, member-owned, beginning at the base  of the football pyramid and reflecting the community and fan-oriented character they had craved at Old Trafford.

“It is about making football accessible again,” says the club's chief executive Andy Walsh, “for young people and many fans who felt alienated by the big business  takeover of the game.”

FC United manager Karl Marginson

Fans at other clubs have noticeably not protested at their takeovers, hoping instead that the takeovers would ditch mostly unpopular former owners – Terry Brown at West Ham and Doug Ellis at Villa sold their shares for millions – and herald good times ahead.

Keith Harris is a merchant banker whose company Seymour Pierce was involved in the Abramovich takeover and the subsequent buyouts at Aston Villa and West Ham. According to him, football clubs are regarded by the exceptionally wealthy as “trophy assets”. “Some people buy yachts,” he said, “and some buy football clubs.”

Malcolm Clarke reacts with a snort:  “A football club isn’t like a yacht – they’re not trophy assets. Clubs are important parts of their communities, loved and loyally  supported by their fans. The clubs need  protecting, not to be bought by people about whom we know so little, for reasons which seem to be all to do with making money from TV rights and ticket prices.”

The Glazer takeover has one thing in common with Abramovich: the family gave just one public interview, and in it they said they were motivated by being “avid” United fans. If you pushed the family’s financial PR people for a fuller explanation, they did sketch out the thinking which surely applies to the wave of takeovers now washing into the English game. “If you look at Premier League football’s popularity, at how the world is developing and how much leisure spend is increasing,” the spokesman said, “the family believes that long term they will make a success of Manchester United and get something out of it.”

Premier League football’s success and aggressive marketing of TV rights to over 200 countries means it is seen and the clubs “supported”, however virtually, by millions of people around the world. Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson’s spokesman said English football is now “like Hollywood films”.  That – the TV revenue, and potential  merchandise to be sold to fans worldwide – is the gold the investors see in their  calculators. Where it leaves fans, and the clubs’ souls, remains to be worked out.

Even Chelsea insist they will break even despite five years of feverishly spending Abramovich’s money – although few believe the billionaire bought the club to turn  a profit for him personally. Particularly after Khodorkovsky’s public humbling, many observers were convinced Abramovich did it to make himself very visible and difficult for Putin to scythe down. Through  football’s incomparable profile and prestige, went the theory, Abramovich made himself too visible and celebrated in the West to be brought low at home.

Then in September 2005, Gazprom, Russia’s state-owned oil company, bought Abramovich out, paying $13bn for Sibneft. Far from undoing the scandalous sale which handed Abramovich the oil, Putin’s Government paid him that unimaginable return to buy all the “trophy assets” he can ever dream up, be they yachts, football clubs, or Andriy Shevchenko.

John Mann, Abramovich’s spokesman, has always maintained that the theories were wrong; that there was no cunning political ploy behind the purchase of Chelsea.  “Mr Abramovich was never accused of any criminal offence, and he had no need of an escape hatch from Russia. He is not involved in politics and continues to do what the [Russian] government asks of its businessmen,” insists Mann.

“He bought Chelsea because he wanted to buy a football club.”

Back To The Future: How Sky Changed Football Forever

2012-03-26T15:23:00Z

In February 2007, FourFourTwo marked its 150th issue with a number of features on 'The Men Who Changed Football'. But as Jonathan Wilson notes, it's not all about the Wengers, Cantonas and Bosmans – thanks to Sky and the Premier League, perhaps the most seismic shift in football's history came off the pitch...

Way back in 1994, when FourFourTwo came mewling and puking into the world, football had been a whole new ball game for only two seasons. People were just getting used to calling the top division “the Premiership”, Manchester United were coming to terms with winning back-to-back league titles after 26 years of dearth, and the Sky revolution was in its infancy. Going to the pub to watch a game still seemed oddly eccentric, big screens were virtually unheard of, and the prudent were still waiting to see how things went before splashing out on a dish. Yet even amid the uncertainty, it was obvious that the scale of Sky’s project was extraordinary.

In that 1994-95 season, Sky screened 60 live Premier League games out of a total of 143 live matches in all competitions. There were Sunday games and, to the consternation of conservatives the country over, there were Monday night games with fireworks and cheerleaders. “We had to sell,” explains Richard Keys, who has anchored over 1,000 games for Sky. “We had to get in people’s faces, we had to make it exciting. We weren’t lying back and inviting people to join in  if they wanted to; we were selling.”

And boy, did they sell. It was brash, it was noisy and it was colourful – and that was just Keys’ wardrobe. The growth of European football rather curtailed the Monday experience, but Sundays now seem empty without two live Premier League games (not to mention two Spanish matches in the evening). Then there are the lunchtime and tea-time pay-per-view offerings on a Saturday. Last season, Sky showed 438 games in all competitions; this season they expect the figure to be nearer 450.

Even Andy Gray admits that we may be reaching a point where there is too much football on television – although, as he points out, we do have an ‘off’ button – but the deeper concern within football is the reliance on Sky. Despite the arrival of Setanta to break their exclusivity [That went well – Hindsight Editor], Sky paid £1.2 billion for the Premier League rights for 2007-10. Nobody has forgotten the impact of the collapse of ITV Digital on Football League clubs, and the perception now is that there is a need to keep Sky sweet.

The truth, though, is that certainly in the early days, Sky needed football as much as football needed it. The growth of both in the ’90s was the tale of a happy symbiosis. “Sky came at the right time for football, just at the time of the Taylor Report when clubs must have been wondering how they could ever afford the improvements,” says Andy Melvin, now the Deputy Managing Director (Production) of Sky Sports but from 1991-99 its Executive Producer of Football, responsible for all live coverage.

It should not be forgotten that in 1992, BSkyB was losing £10m a week. In 1993, having secured Premier League rights, they recorded a £62m profit. As BSkyB’s former Director of Sport David Hill once said, “Football is first, second and third” in satellite television’s appeal. The most recent figures show that 8.2m Britons subscribe to Sky for £3.2bn; most  of those have said that Premier League football is the main reason for their subscription.

It’s not just the quantity of football on television that has changed since the Sky revolution. When Sky won the rights, there were those who saw barbarians at the gates, but whatever other criticisms may be cast at them, the quality of their coverage has transformed the way we watch football. “When we started, the BBC and ITV were in the comfort zone,” Melvin says.

Melvin had offered Andy Gray the chance to work as a presenter at Scottish Television, only for the forward to sign for Rangers and alienate half his audience. Convinced of Gray’s media skills, though, he had no hesitation getting him involved at Sky.

“My first instruction to Andy was, ‘Don’t tell me what I can see; tell me what I can’t see,’” Melvin explains. “He pounced on that immediately and knew what I meant. When the first replay comes in, the commentator had better be finished what he’s saying, because Gray’s then [claps his hands] smack! We used that ability to do something that had never been done before. There were so few live games, and those that were on TV began five minutes before kick-off and went off air five minutes after the final whistle. There was no substance, but people took it because they knew no better.”

Time, clearly, was an issue – and the one thing a specialist sports channel has is time – but even now, when other broadcasters are devoting increasingly large slots to football, their analysis too often exists in the category Gray mocks as the “great cross, great header, great goal” school of punditry. At least one terrestrial channel has warned its presenters not to go too deep for fear of turning off a non-specialist audience,  a notion Keys finds astonishing.

“Why do you think that a wider audience doesn’t want to know?” he asks, incredulous. “If you can can educate a greater audience, then you’re doing your job. Just keeping it superficial isn’t the right way at all. Do we present news bulletins in a superficial manner because lots of people might not watch? No, we present them in a way that is respectful to the public.”

The increasing depth of specialist knowledge is a feature of the proliferation of television channels. “The more channels there are, the more people can pick and choose the things that interest them,” confirms Dr Jon Adams of the London School of Economics, who specialises in the study of the transfer and popularisation of knowledge. “That means that an individual may know about fewer things, but probably knows more about them. From the broadcaster’s point of view, the lowest common denominator isn’t so low now.” Flicking onto ESPN’s Dead Good Sport channel offers a pertinent illustration: much of what passed for commentary before 1990 now sounds patronising, or trite.

Yet the realisation that there was a public appetite for tactical analysis came to Melvin and Gray almost accidentally. “Andy and  I were drinking one night,” Melvin recalls. “He was drinking Rolling Rocks and I was drinking San Miguels, and this place being what it was, the bottles were lying on the table. We were talking football, and I was asking questions and he was explaining the 4-4-2 system, the sweeper system, and so on. The brown bottles were defenders and the green ones were attackers and we were aware – because he’s loud at the best of times, and especially when he’s had a drink – that people were watching and listening. The next day I said to him, ‘Do you realise what we did last night?’ and he said, ‘Yep. That’s what we’ve got to give them.’”

Sky’s innovations have now been copied the world over, and not just in terms of Gray’s tactical analysis. Soccer Saturday has been a huge, if unlikely, success. “It’s radio with pictures,” said Keys. “It’s a watch. It’s addictive. It’s the ultimate form of flattery that everybody’s copying it.” Football First has added another string. “If you’re a Charlton fan you used to be grateful for two minutes on Match of the Day and ‘Thank you very much, BBC,’” says Melvin. “Now you can switch on Football First and get your 50-minute edited highlights.”

Their problem is that Sky has become too successful; that it is so associated with the game’s ’90s boom that it is blamed for many of the difficulties or irritations that have resulted from it. It is a little over two years since The Observer ran its ‘The Game That Ate Itself’ campaign, which claimed that the fan was being replaced by the consumer and that supporters were being ripped off. At the heart of that process was television.

The scheduling of games is a persistent gripe. It is rare now that more than half a weekend’s programme kicks off at the traditional time of 3pm on a Saturday. It is easy to blame Sky for that, but it is equally true that they can only offer to screen the game; the clubs have the final decision.

Two examples spring to mind. Last season [2005-06], Manchester City and Everton were due to meet in a tea-time game, only for Everton to go out of the Champions League, leaving them with a UEFA Cup tie to play on the Thursday evening. They refused to play two games in two days, but with both clubs unwilling to forgo the pay-per-view money, the match was re-arranged for 11.15 on the Sunday morning.

This season, Newcastle preferred to play Sheffield United less than 48 hours after their UEFA Cup victory in Palermo than miss out on the television revenue. They lost 1-0, sparking fans’ protests against the board. If clubs are chasing money rather than results, clearly there is something  very wrong, particularly in a case where  a manager’s job is under threat, but is that Sky’s fault for making the offer? Or the club’s fault for snatching at it?

“In all the time I’ve been here, I can categorically tell you we’ve never asked for a kick-off time to be changed,” says Keys. “But if you want everybody kicking off at 3pm on a Saturday, you’re not going to see the likes of Klinsmann, Gullit, Cantona – the best players in the world – coming here.”

That is perhaps a touch disingenuous – Sky must have matches played at times when people will watch them (they are still prevented from broadcasting live games at 3pm on a Saturday), and would not pay the vast sums they pay if they were not – but it does hint at the more general truth that a financially successful league does not happen without compromise.

The complaint about kick-off times is partly nostalgic (although the regular 3pm kick-off only became possible throughout the season with the advent of floodlights in the early ’60s), and partly to do with the problems for away fans of getting to games. This is where scheduling becomes a balancing act: generally speaking, the greater the number of away fans, the better the atmosphere; and the better the atmosphere, the better the game – or at least the better the perception of the game, which is effectively the same thing.

El-Hadji Diouf, among others, has spoken of the importance of having a stage on which to perform, comparing himself to an actor needing a vast and expectant audience to produce his best. In Egypt at the African Nations Cup last year, organisers were so concerned by the possible debilitating effect of empty stands that they bussed in army recruits to fill the spaces.

There is a sense in which Sky – or any television – needs away fans because without them the product is diminished. “When you go to Old Trafford for a cup tie, it’s a totally different atmosphere, and in an ideal world you’d love for them to be able to cater for that level of away support on a weekly basis, but those guys aren’t going to turn up on a weekly basis,” says Keys. “You’ve got to be realistic in that respect. It wasn’t happening; grounds weren’t full.”

And whatever complaints there may be about the changes in the game since the advent of the Premier League, it can’t be denied that attendances are up, dramatically. Last season may have seen a drop of 0.06%, but the average Premier League attendance was still 33,873, higher than the 24,271 of 1994-95, FourFourTwo’s first season. That figure may look low now, but ’94-95 was the ninth successive season that attendances had gone up. What is also interesting about those figures is that although the Premier League, all-seater stadia and Sky accelerated the process, the growth in the popularity of football had actually begun far earlier.

Of course, just because people are going to games does not mean that the atmosphere is good, and anecdotal evidence would suggest that it has got worse over the past decade. Yet if Sky can be blamed at all for the dwindling atmosphere in our grounds, it is only in as much as their money has hastened the change in the game’s culture rather than provoking it.

Sky’s money created the Premier League in its present form, but the gentrification of the game had begun before that. Most clubs had a fanzine by 1990, and Fever Pitch emerged from that culture. Then there were Gazza’s tears and the Taylor Report. Sky and the potential of satellite television was certainly not the only factor in the football boom, but it was perhaps the crucial one. Take out any other feature and the boom would probably still have happened; take out Sky and its money, and it could not have. That money, along with Champions League revenues, has led to the self-perpetuating elite, but it’s not Sky who distributes the television money – it’s the Premier League.

That said, Sky’s impact is not simply to do with football’s direct income from rights; it is the indirect income from advertising, sponsorship and exposure. Without the constant promotion of the Premier League, would so many fans – particularly those fans from wealthier sections of society rather than those from which football traditionally drew its support – go to games? Without them, would ticket prices be so high? Lord Justice Taylor saw a “reasonable” price for a ticket in 1990 as £6, which even taking inflation into account equates to around £12 today. Would shirt sales be so important? That commercialisation, that policy, to quote The Observer’s sports editor Brian Oliver, of “putting the football consumer ahead of the football fan” may grate, but it’s hard to see how Sky can be blamed. Surely we don’t want them to give football less money?

If they did, there would be fewer top players in our league, the standard would be lower and our clubs would be disadvantaged in Europe. Progress always comes with compromise, and, as Keys says, would we really swap what we have now for “a £2.50 ticket and a cold pie”?

From the February 2007 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

The frontman: RICHARD KEYS
A fixture on the TV-am couch in the ’80s, Keys joined Sky in 1992, becoming the face of Super Sunday. With HDTV in mind, he recently had electrolysis on his hands.

Was the fact that you came from TV-am a problem in terms of credibility?
I’m not sure everyone was that keen on me getting involved at first, although I’d been a sports reporter before TV-am.  I was probably more sofa than sport at that stage, but sport was where my heart lay.

Is it important to have a journalist as a frontman?
It’s critical. Young reporters should have a belief that that’s where they can go. That’s not to say I don’t believe there’s a place for ex-sportsmen. David Gower does a superb job on our cricket, so it is possible.

How critical has your relationship with Andy Gray been?
He’s improved my understanding of the game. He’s a genius. It’s really sloppy and easy to say, ‘Great cross, great header, great goal.’ Andy tells me something different. How did the cross get in? Why wasn’t the fella marked at the back post? Could the keeper have done better? It’s not critical; it’s observational, instructional.

What have been your highlights?
The first title success Man United had, we had Denis Law and Bestie, and we watched them celebrate for an hour. Believe it or not, it was fantastic television.

Best guests?
Graeme Souness is a stunning contributor. And Cloughie once told David Livingstone off. “Can I ask you a difficult question?” says David. “Young man, you couldn’t ask me a difficult question if you tried.”

Any nightmare guests?
A former national team manager who joined us on a Champions League night and wasn’t very warm. When the game finished, I popped into the toilet and when I came out he was gone. He was typically efficient. He won record caps for his country. [Gray: “It was Lothar Matthaus”].

The analyst: ANDY GRAY
A celebrated striker with Wolves, Villa and Everton, Gray joined Sky at the advent of the Premier League and has become English football’s most respected pundit.

What’s been Sky’s best innovation?
It sounds ridiculous because it’s so simple, but you’d never see football today without a score and a clock in the corner.

Any complaints about your analysis?
I remember Don Howe saying, “Andy’s not telling me anything I don’t know”. I wasn’t trying to. I was trying to tell the fans what they didn’t know. Football is a very simple game that gets complicated by coaches. My job is to simplify it. In the early days  I spotted a little run Teddy Sheringham did for Spurs. So we highlighted it. Teddy comes up to me the next week and says, “Thanks very much, Andy. I’d been doing that for 10 years and nobody spotted it – now I’ll never get away with it again.”

Ever considered coaching yourself?
Yes, and there have been a couple of occasions in the past 16 years when  I might have jumped ship. I guess if I’m sat in my rocking chair at 75 I’ll wonder whether I should have done it. As a player I was very thoughtful, and not just about my own game. In my day you either became a coach, ran a pub or sold insurance, and of those three, coaching would have been the most appealing.

Highlights in your time at Sky?
The first live Premiership game, Forest vs Liverpool, was a massive day. The last-day finish when West Ham played Man United and Blackburn played Liverpool, too. And we all talk about Liverpool-Newcastle, 4-3. Liverpool scored in the first and last minute and we had five goals and such drama in between. It encompassed everything you would want in a Premiership match.

Will the big four still be the same four in 2019 when FFT is 300 issues old?
If Abramovich jumps ship, no. Chelsea will shed players and finish sixth. United, Liverpool and Arsenal will still be there, because they’re based on more solid foundations.

The pioneer: GABBY LOGAN
Daughter of former Welsh midfielder Terry Yorath, Logan joined Sky in 1996, becoming the first mainstream female football presenter, before moving to ITV [and BBC since].

When did you decide you wanted to be a sports broadcaster?
I was always glued to sport on TV but there were hardly any women doing those jobs. I didn’t want to be Des [Lynam] any more than I wanted to be Jeremy Paxman. I did work experience on newspapers and in newsrooms and I worked for local radio during my law degree, but although I did some sports reporting, I started at Newcastle’s Metro FM as a newsreader.

Did having a well-known dad help?
He’s no networker, so I never asked him for any help, but I was used to seeing him with journalists and on TV and camera crews coming round, so it didn’t seem a bizarre thing. Then, when I was 15, I appeared on Blue Peter and thought live TV was the greatest thing. When I joined Sky, ex-players used to say hello because they knew my dad, but by then I was comfortable in that environment.

How did the move to Sky come about?
Someone on Metro Sport asked if I fancied doing touchline interviews at St James’ Park. They previously had this 65-year-old guy trying to stop players outside the dressing room, and thought they might have more luck with a 22-year-old blonde. I was a bit naive, but you have to get your break somewhere. Richard Keys, who was covering a game for Sky, spotted me and a month later I was living in London.

Did you encounter any sexism?
I’m sure I did, but I was so focused that I didn’t really notice. I wasn’t that conscious of my gender because I had a female director, a female producer and a lot of women in the office, whereas at ITV I felt more like I was in the minority.

Do you see yourself as a role model?
Well, I do get female students asking what they should do next because they want to get into what I do. That makes you realise that girls are thinking, “I could do that.”

The legend: GARY LINEKER
A legendary England striker, Gary Lineker became ‘the new Des’ in 1999, having worked as a pundit and presenter for the BBC since retiring from playing in 1994.

How did the change from pundit to anchorman on Match of the Day come about?
I was saying the same things every week, so I started presenting on Five Live. Things fell nicely for me: Bob Wilson left Football Focus, Steve Ryder sat in while I learnt the ropes, then I popped into the chair. Des left for ITV and I got MotD! At first I was like a rabbit in the headlights. You have to be less opinionated as a presenter. But if I feel strongly about something I’ll say so, as I’ve done with England at times.

How much of an impact did Sky’s coverage have on the BBC?
Massive. It was refreshing then, but I don’t think they’ve moved on massively over the years – whereas I think we’re now right up there in terms of cutting-edge technology. We also have the advantage of no adverts.

Do you regret missing out on the Sky money as a player or are you happy to avoid the hype?
I lived through the hype of two World Cups, but it’s accelerated over the years. It isn’t going to slow down either, even though we keep saying it will. Yeah, it would be nice to have earned what they do now, but I do OK.

How has the football media changed?
When I was playing a TV crew at training was rare. Nowadays you’ve got papers, websites, radio and magazines. It was like that at Barcelona every day. I remember thinking, “God, this is so different.” Not now.

What are the biggest changes from a broadcasting perspective?
The volume of recorded games. When they put together a montage of my career, they play the same ones every time. Nowadays every goal scored is recorded.

When the Prem moved to ITV did you worry that’d be the end for the Beeb?
Yes, but we fought back. The BBC have backed football, too. Our audiences during the [2006] World Cup were unbelievable.

Gray and Keys portrait: Steve Orino. From the February 2007 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

My Favourite Premier Player: The classy clown

2012-03-26T15:18:00Z

In our Premier League Week we'll be celebrating 20 years of the rebranded top flight – including naming our favourite players from that era. First up, FourFourTwo.com Editor Gary Parkinson on the man of a thousand YouTube clips...

The Premier League's financial muscle means our top-flight fields have been graced by many of the world's finest players. It's easy to forget the technical aridity that previous generations grew up on: an atmosphere where "fancy" footballers from Hudson to Hoddle were mistrusted, marginalised, mocked.

That said, those who live on caviar occasionally crave chips. Even as the financial rewards took footballers into a different level of existence from those who watched from terrace or armchair, there's something alienating about technique so good that mere mortals couldn't conceive of it.

It's for this reason that at many clubs, the favourite player isn't the one whose onboard trigonometry can see the invisible pass: it's the one who charges around like a kid, enthusiastically piling into challenges to the approving roar of the crowd.

And it's especially the one who reacts with the crowd, seeing them not as a paying audience and potential merchandising opportunity but as equals. The rugged left-back you can imagine sharing a pint with. The club stalwart who cares as much as you do.

Rightly or wrongly, Jimmy Bullard feels like that everyman. The former painter and decorator who found himself paid to play a game he loves, Bullard at his best oozed enthusiasm and joie de vivre. In a game which far too often takes itself far too seriously, he was much-needed light relief, keeping Soccer AM in amusing clips for the thick end of a decade.

Examples are legion and well-known, but there's so many of them that you may not know them all. (If not, the embeds are at the bottom of this blog.) Interrupting team-mates' staid interviews with irreverent irrelevance. Leapfrogging unsuspecting opponents in a goalmouth melée. Charging around the dressing-room in a dirty-kit wheely-bin with underpants on his head. Choosing a free-kick taker by rock-paper-scissors (recently re-employed by Bayern Munich). Running the length of the pitch during a floodlight failure to score an imaginary goal. Being unable to keep a straight face when a bad smell interrupts an interview. Using a goal celebration to gently mock boss Phil Brown's notorious on-field team-talk. Pulling his shorts up to his nipples when filming the po-faced Premier League player profile.

Bullard keeping it light with England

There's something in that irreverence, that determination to enjoy life and upstage the overly serious, which we find appealing. True, there's something of the hyperactive child about him, but there's a difference between childish and childlike, and we could all use some of that wide-eyed enthusiasm from time to time. It taps into something that's all too frequently absent from modern life.

Evidently Bullard was thankful for the opportunity he got. He'd swapped his paint-flecked overalls and got his chance at boyhood club West Ham, and when they released him he knuckled down and worked his way back up through Peterborough and Wigan. By August 2008 he was in Fabio Capello's England squad, and you don't get that for a smile and a cheeky wave. Bullard's set-piece precision and eye for a fine pass prompted club transfer records to be broken. No joke's that good.

It's true that Bullard's popularity may be the clipreel effect – a variant upon the modern phenomenon of the selective-highlights 'YouTube player'. Bullard has never represented my club, so I've never been disappointed by his lack of tracking back, or angrily agreed with club disciplinary measures for off-field indiscretions on pre-season tours or turning up late for training. I haven't been horrified to see him leave over a contract dispute.

Perhaps that's why he's my favourite Premier League player, for today at least. Many others have been better, but few have been more enjoyable to watch.

Rarely in this tribal game do you enjoy watching a member of the opposition; perhaps, if you're feeling especially gracious, you may applaud a moment of true greatness. Even less often do you identify with him. And perhaps that's what's missing in the modern game.

Stay tuned this week for more of FourFourTwo's favourite Premier players. Meanwhile, heeeeeere's Jimmy....

Twenty years of the Premier League

2012-03-26T14:31:00Z

The Premier League is fast approaching the climax to its 20th season. Two decades is a long time in football: long enough for stories to grow into legends, long enough for babies to grow into full international players, and certainly long enough to deserve a retrospective what-was-all-that-about look back from FourFourTwo.

So all this week we'll be looking back at the last 20 years of top-flight football – a fascinating time of massive changes, for better or worse, in the game we love. It won't be a whitewashed love-in, but nor will it be a week-long grumble-fest about how things were better in the olden days when you could always expect a dart in the head at your local league ground.

There'll be some of the finest features from the history of FourFourTwo – itself nearing 18 years old – and some new thoughts from our staff members and freelance writers alike: you'll be hearing from Jonathan Wilson and David Conn, among others. We'll examine the effect of Sky, and Roman Abramovich and the rise of foreign ownership, but it won't all be bad news: our writers will be nominating their favourite Premier League players and explaining their choices. Feel free to bicker.

On Friday, in a move designed to infuriate bosses everywhere, we'll reveal the Top 100 Premier League Games. (Yes, that one's in there. No, not that one, it was rubbish.)

And we'll be asking for your opinion. Toward the end of the week we'll be naming two Premier-era Perfect XIs: one of UK players, one of foreigners. Tell us on Twitter and Facebook who you'd pick; you never know, we might even agree…

Heroes & Villains: Crazy Cisse, Crouchie's golazo and a damp London squib

2012-03-26T10:13:00Z

Heroes

Owen Coyle
The way in which Owen Coyle has conducted himself in the past ten days has been a credit to not only Bolton Wanderers, but Premier League as a whole. Where last Saturday had been traumatic, there was a celebratory air at the Reebok Stadium and a real sense that the players were finding an extra yard in their legs as a tribute to their team-mate Fabrice Muamba.
It must have been a relief for Owen Coyle to return to the business of a football match, and it seemed his players even felt the pressure of the relegation scrap easing, perhaps as a result of this newly rediscovered sense of perspective.

Wigan Athletic
With relegation rivals Wolves, Blackburn and QPR all suffering defeats, Wigan were able to capitalise by claiming their first ever win at Anfield. Too often this season the Latics have created a shedload of chances but failed to convert enough to win the game, this time that model was turned on its head as Shaun Maloney and Gary Caldwell took two of the few chances that fell their way.
There must have been times this season when Villa Park looked like some tropical oasis in a grayscale desert to Roberto Martinez, and perhaps in those moments he regretted his loyalty to Dave Whelan in turning down the Villa hot seat. Martinez is one of the league’s most likable managers and the football his team plays probably make them the neutral’s choice to stay up. If they are to do it, they will need more of the fortune that saw them claim the points on Saturday with tricky fixtures against Chelsea, Manchester United and Arsenal to come in their remaining eight games.

Peter Crouch
Peter Crouch has scored an impressive selection of extravagant volleys in his career but this was one of his best. The Stoke striker was a handful for a makeshift Manchester City backline throughout Saturday’s tea-time encounter, and his endeavour was rewarded on the hour when he produced the moment of the match with a 30-yard golazo that had him dreaming again of a summer trip to Poland and Ukraine.
Stoke’s performance was founded on all of the principles that have made Tony Pulis’ side so difficult to beat during their four-year stay in England’s top division. In truth, the Potters looked like the team more desperate to win and were first to every ball, allowing no space to City’s superstars. In the final 10 minutes, only Stoke looked like doing enough to seal the win when you might have expected City to work through their gears. Pulis’ men didn’t let them and claimed a deserved point.

Hatem Ben Arfa
Ben Arfa ran the show in Sunday’s 3-1 win at West Brom, setting up two goals for Papiss Demba Cisse and weighing in with a goal of his own to cap a memorable display which left his manager purring.
“I thought today a couple of his bits of play were mesmerising, he was just outstanding,” said Pardew after the match.
Thanks to Nigel De Jong, it has taken Ben Arfa some time to burst into life for Newcastle, but he’s finally showing just why Newcastle fans more knowledgeable than Alan Shearer were so excited about his signing in 2010. If Mike Ashley decides to keep his attacking trident of Cisse, Ba and Ben Arfa together, Newcastle may have cause to look even further up the table next season. As it is, they’re level on points with Chelsea and a Champions League tilt might not be out of the question this year, with Tottenham wobbling in fourth.

Theo Walcott
It’s now seven wins in a row for an Arsenal team who look like they’re really starting to enjoy their football again, and no player more so than Theo Walcott. Whatever clicked in Arsenal midway through the North London derby a month ago is still very much in effect and this victory over Aston Villa was as comfortable as they come.
Walcott embodies this new razor-sharp Arsenal approach. For all their intricate passing triangles and tireless movement there is now an end product and Walcott’s clinical finishing has eased the goalscoring burden on Robin Van Persie who won’t have minded that the Gunners three goals were spread around the team.

Grant Holt
We knew he could notch vital goals with both feet and with his head but picking up a pointless red card for a rash challenge proved that he’s the ideal man to spearhead England’s gallant quarter-final exit in the summer.

Villains

Kenny Dalglish
Five defeats in six league matches and, for the first time in King Kenny’s second reign at Anfield, there are cords of discontent sounding just under the surface. With only eight points since the turn of the year, only QPR and Wolves have worse league records in 2012, and even the Anfield fear factor has been dispelled, this time by Wigan Athletic who had never won there until Saturday’s smash and grab victory.
It seems that a Carling Cup win and an upcoming FA Cup semi-final only go so far to immunising a manager from heavy criticism, and with Rafa Benitez lurking in the peripheries; it seems that a mid-table finish just won’t be good enough for an Anfield faithful who’ve been raised to expect better both in terms of style and results.
Incidentally, Roy Hodgson’s West Brom are just three points behind them.

Eggert Jonsson
Wolves are in enough trouble without throwing away points in such a careless fashion. Former Hearts midfielder Eggert Jonsson could barely put up a case for the defence after he handballed in the area to gift three points to Norwich. Terry Connor’s team have conceded 16 goals in five games and are being cut adrift at the bottom. Anything less than three points from next Saturday’s fixture with Bolton and they look doomed.

Tottenham and Chelsea
A squib is an explosive. A damp squib is an ineffective explosive and this was a match that never caught light despite its fanfare billing.
Emmanuel Adebayor is a player who should move clubs in every transfer window. If his head was right he’d be one of the world’s most feared strikers, as it is, too often he fails to show up and put in an honest afternoon’s graft. Despite his latest sub-par performance, he still could have been the match-winner on Saturday but he headed over under relatively little pressure and was too casual on another occasion after he’d rounded Cech.

Manchester City
Given the balance of play, City have to look on their draw at the Britannia as a point gained. Most worrying for Roberto Mancini’s men, it was the home side that showed the greater commitment,
This is surprising when you consider the team’s respective circumstances. Fighting for a title and with the wind in their sails after a hard-fought comeback win against Chelsea in midweek, you would have expected City to capitalise and to put the pressure on their neighbours in the title race. Instead, this was a flat, lethargic performance from City that lacked in urgency, especially after Yaya Toure’s 30-yard sighter drew them level.
Even the introduction of prodigal son Carlos Tevez failed to ignite City this time and although this was one of their toughest remaining assignments, their inability to carve open a limited Stoke side puts a huge question mark against their title chances.

Djibril Cisse
Three goals and two red cards in five appearances. The most frustrating aspect of Cisse’s frequent absences is that they look a different team when he’s playing and not one that should be battling the drop. His manager was furious with his latest dismissal, calling it a “crazy challenge” – it’s difficult to argue. A wild two-footed lunge that could have left Frazier Campbell seriously injured gave Mike Jones no choice but to hand the French striker his marching orders.
It was another costly sending off for QPR, who crumbled to a 3-1 defeat, the dropping of captain Joey Barton doing nothing to rally Mark Hughes’ men to successive wins. None of the fighting spirit showcased in their dream midweek comeback against Liverpool was on show on Saturday and the Rs are back in the relegation zone.

Team GB: meet 'Union' Jack Rodwell

2012-03-22T16:18:00Z

Not being the miserable types who snipe and sneer without reason, we at FourFourTwo are bang up for the Olympics. Not least because it represents a chance for immediate salvation after inevitable disappointment at the Euros. Dammit!

Now, we're not going to pretend we'll be drooling over the dressage or captivated by the canoeing, but c'mon – there's a football tournament which will feature teams like Spain, Brazil – and, like it or not, Team GB. Whatever the political whathaveyous, there'll be a GB team flying the flag – and here's the kit they'll be wearing, as designed by Stella McCartney and modelled by 'Union' Jack Rodwell.

Roll on July...

Heroes & Villains: Featuring, for once, some REAL heroes

2012-03-19T12:16:00Z

The usual Premier League bouquets and brickbats from Mark Booth – but first, something far more important...

HEROES

The medical profession and football family
Heroes and Villains is a light-hearted round-up of Premier League action, but serious mention must be made of this weekend's events in the FA Cup tie at Tottenham. When Bolton's Fabrice Muamba suffered a cardiac arrest at White Hart Lane, he immediately received priceless medical attention and was taken to a nearby hospital, where he continues to be given round-the-clock care as he fights for life.

It is easy to take for granted that football players are healthy; that volunteers from St John Ambulance will continue to attend every professional game without charge, despite frequently remaining unpaid when clubs going into administration pay off 'football creditors' instead; that the increasingly overstretched NHS will be there to cater for us all, player or fan, if the worst should happen.

It is also easy to assume, in an era of internet anonymity allowing "banter" to spiral into spurious spite and hatred, that football is irrevocably compartmentalised into tribalist factions. The reaction to Muamba's collapse disproves the assumption beyond all doubt. Inside the ground, horrified Spurs fans gamely tried to inspire Muamba by chanting his name, before respectfully acquiescing to Howard Webb's inevitable decision to postpone the game. On Saturday night, Bolton Wanderers forums were flooded with genuine well-wishers from San Jose to Sofia, as fans gathered to hold a virtual vigil.

Muamba is a very long way from recovery, but he is also very lucky to be alive. As football fans, we are lucky that despite all the hype and bluster, when something of true importance happens we can come together as one and hope for the best.
– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com Editor

Gylfi Sigurdsson
David Silva and Robin van Persie will probably fight it out for the league’s individual awards this season but if there was a prize for best loan signing or unexpected breakout star, Gylfi Sigurdsson would be a shoo-in.

His second brace in three games gave Swansea a hugely impressive 3-0 win at Craven Cottage on Saturday. A good dribbler, an expert crosser and a deadly finisher, the Icelander will have created quite the queue for his signature the summer.

Where last season’s fêted newcomers Blackpool faded after an eye-catching start, Swansea only seem to be gathering momentum as the season progresses and have moved into eighth place.

If there has been a criticism of Brendan Rodgers’ men this season, it’s been their inability to replicate their home form on the road, so this was a real statement of intent. They made 169 more passes than Fulham in this match – and the Cottagers aren’t shy of stroking the ball around themselves.

A late charge for Europe in their first Premier League season?

Jonny Evans
Once a figure of derision at Manchester United, Evans has been a solid presence since Nemanja Vidic picked up his season-ending injury. In truth, it wasn’t just his improving defensive abilities that see his name featured among the weekend’s heroes: he was the only scorer when the teams were at 11-a-side and set the champions on their way to their 5-0 rout.

United are not only putting breathing space between themselves and their neighbours with points, they’ve also eaten into the commanding goal difference advantage City once held. There are now just three goals between the clubs and the pressure is back on City ahead of their awkward looking match against in-form Chelsea on Wednesday. Over to you, Roberto.

Wolves’ South Bank
Gallows humour was the order of the day for the home support as they watched their side slip to the bottom of the table. The 5-0 scoreline was probably harsh on United, such was the champions' dominance, but the South Bank never stopped singing in support of their beleaguered team.

The fans' chants undoubtedly showed more doggedness and creativity than their players, with “It’s just like watching Bilbao” the pick of the self-deprecation. There were a few mumbles of “Moxey out” in reference to the CEO's decision to remove Mick McCarthy from the hot seat – but perhaps it should be “Sky out”: Wolves have now conceded five goals in each of their last three televised games.

Jonas Gutierrez
Jonas seemed to be revelling in his new position at left-back for the Magpies in their 1-0 win over Norwich City. There were some eyebrows raised when it was announced that the Argentine international would replace Davide Santon at full-back but he defended well and managed to overlap on the left-wing with distinction, earning him the man of the match champagne. This switch was the latest evidence of just what a progressive manager Alan Pardew is: with nine games to go, Newcastle already have one more point than they accumulated all last season.

VILLAINS

Wigan Athletic
Roberto Martinez will still be scratching his head wondering how his team didn’t pick up all three points in this latest frustrating afternoon at the DW stadium. Wigan have won only once at home all season – back in August – and no team in the top five tiers have scored fewer on their own patch. In many ways, this match epitomised the Latics’ season with their lack of a reliable goal scorer again costing them points.

Although Martinez has displayed a commendable commitment to playing good football, the club have only defied gravity thanks to Dave Whelan's handouts, making their position look increasingly perilous. As former Wigan player Paul Scharner said after equalising for West Brom: "I would be a bit worried if Wigan left the Premier League. Whether they ever came back depends on Dave Whelan. He would have to put in a lot more money for them to have a chance."

Mahmadou Diarra
Martin Jol took a real punt on the Mali international who seems to have had “once cost Real Madrid £22m” attached to his name since he landed in England. There was no evidence that this punt is about to pay off for Fulham during their 3-0 home loss to Swansea. It just wasn’t Diarra’s day, as proved when he went careering into the advertising boards and suffered a deep cut to his head. He bravely carried on but his performance was poor as he failed to surpress the attacking overtures of the rampant Welsh side.

Heroes & Villains: Two cheers for Swansea, Mancini's mistake, Liverpool languish

2012-03-12T12:30:00Z

As things get all the more interesting at the top and bottom of the Premier League, Mark Booth names the do-gooders and evil-doers of the latest round of action...

Heroes

Manchester United
The big winners this weekend. For the first time in five months, United are top of the Premier League outright as their neighbours stumbled in Wales.
This was the comfortable afternoon one would have expected against a West Brom side that were unable to replicate their 2-2 draw at Old Trafford of last season. It was a low-key win for United, entirely in keeping with their successful running down of City and the afternoon’s two biggest cheers were reserved for news from South Wales.
They have been relentless in their snapping at City heels and finally have the opportunity to build a lead of their own, which will only be aided by their talisman Wayne Rooney coming into goalscoring form at the right time. Rooney has now netted in each of his last four matches and notched seven in his last seven to take him over the 20-goal threshold in the Premier League for the second time in his career.
If United do seal their 20th league title in May, unlike last season it won’t have been handed to them, especially when you factor in the long-term injury to their best centre-back and the wealth of talent in City’s playing squad. Number 20 might just be the sweetest one yet for Sir Alex Ferguson.

Swansea City
Normally if a newly promoted team pulls off a surprise win over the league leaders you picture a smash-and-grab performance founded on defensive discipline and plenty of running – but Swansea’s win over City was so much more than that. For the first half an hour you would have thought it was Swansea who spent half a billion on their playing squad, as they had City chasing shadows. There’s so much to admire in the way in which the Swans go about the game, keeping the ball and forcing mistakes with their oppressive harrying when out of possession.
The subdued performances of David Silva and Samir Nasri, City’s expensive playmakers, was testament to the Swansea midfield – in particular, Joe Allen, who has been a huge part of the Welsh side’s impressive first season in the Premier League.
These three points practically assured another season in the top flight, which is good news for fans of good football everywhere. They’ve been a breath of fresh air for the league since their promotion (though unlike similarly oxygenating Blackpool, they look guaranteed to stay up), and have put one in the eye of those who have said that only physicality will see newly promoted teams survive.

David Moyes
A perfect anniversary for the Scot, who has now been at the helm for a decade at Goodison Park. Everton’s 1-0 win over Spurs demonstrated all of the characteristics that have made Moyes one of the most respected managers in the league.
Spurs followed Manchester City and Chelsea into the trap of underestimating the Toffees’ grit, and if this was an audition for the likely vacancy at White Hart Lane this summer, Moyes can expect a call back from Daniel Levy at the very least. Everton have been defying gravity for as long as Moyes has been at the club and the only thing more pleasing than a clean sheet and three points will be that it was Jelavic who scored the only goal – certainly not the first wise piece of business the managerial supremo has been responsible for in the past 10 years.

Blackburn Rovers
Steve Kean’s detractors have gone awfully quiet in Lancashire as Blackburn continued their decent run with a significant win in their fight against relegation. Rovers looked dead and buried earlier in the season but now sit three points outside the relegation places after winning 2-0 away at fellow strugglers Wolves.
It was their first clean sheet in 31 games, and not for the first time this season it was Junior Hoilett who inspired Blackburn to the win. There will be a quite a queue for the Canadian’s signature this summer.

Didier Drogba
There was little to savour in Chelsea’s grinding win on Saturday afternoon. This was a workmanlike performance from Roberto Di Matteo’s charges, but after looking so porous at the back this season a second successive clean sheet is just the tonic for the Chelsea faithful.
There was something Mourinho-like about this win, particularly as it’s still Didier Drogba that Chelsea look to for inspiration. Drogba’s winner brought up 100 Premier League goals for the Ivorian, who is yet to agree a new deal at Stamford Bridge. If he does depart in the summer, Chelsea will be losing a striker as ingrained in the fabric of the club as the likes of Peter Osgood and Jimmy Greaves.

Villains

Roberto Mancini
There were tears in the away end, whispers of Jose Mourinho’s name in the media and desperate City fans ready to welcome outcast Carlos Tevez back to the fold after a miserable afternoon in South Wales. City would do well to gather their thoughts and apply some perspective to their situation after surrendering top spot on Sunday. With 10 games to play, including one Manchester derby at Fortress Etihad (14 league games, 14 wins), a one-point margin in March is no reason for City to think they’ve blown it so early in the campaign.
In this match, however, Mancini got it wrong from the outset. Not for the first time this season, his decision to start Gareth Barry and Nigel De Jong together in midfield cost his side the initiative, leaving Mario Balotelli an isolated figure for the first half an hour and convincing Swansea that there was nothing to fear from the league leaders. City’s manager rectified his mistake 35 minutes in and brought Sergio Aguero on for a despondent Barry.
The impact was immediate and City started to meet Swansea much higher up the pitch. But if City don’t score early away from home, too often they look like they won’t score at all – and so it proved.
The injuries to Kompany and Lescott proved decisive too, with Stefan Savic undoing his prior good work to gift possession to Swansea, which Luke Moore punished in the most definitive manner.
City are getting a reputation for being poor on the road and with trips to Stoke, Arsenal and Newcastle still to come, this is a reputation that needs addressing or their title bid is likely to end in tears. More of them.

Gareth Bale & Harry Redknapp
As FourFourTwo’s very own James Maw recently pointed out, Gareth Bale would be better served in returning to the left side of midfield as he yet again failed to influence the match from a more central position, once again cutting in from the right with Luka Modric curiously shifted out left.
Tottenham look top-heavy when starting with two strikers and it seems to be a shocking oversight from Redknapp, who is either daydreaming of a summer in Eastern European or too stubborn to accept that his 4-4-2 is simply not complimentary to the make-up of his squad. Bale’s directness from wide areas was probably the most threatening element of Spurs’ ascent up the league table, and it’s unclear whether his and the team's sudden drop in form is a result of the Welshman’s delusions of grandeur or a lack of direction from the man who would be king on Tottenham’s bench.

Steve Morgan
Morgan’s decision to show Mick McCarthy the door wasn’t Abramovic-like in its prematurity. There was an undeniable sense that things had turned stale at Molineux and an airing out of the dressing room was needed; a fresh voice to provide a charge to battle-weary limbs. With the greatest of respect to Terry Connor, he probably doesn’t possess the voice fans were hoping for (in fact he seems to have very little voice at all), and the games are running out for a team that has failed to keep a clean sheet in 13 matches.
Morgan’s decision to fire McCarthy without an experienced replacement lined up looks like it might cost his club its Premier League status and is a cautionary tale for any other Premier League chairmen with itchy trigger fingers.

Kenny Dalglish
Dalglish’s men can forget about a return to the Champions League next season. Liverpool have now failed to score in nine Premier League matches, and their need for a top-class striker is obvious when you consider that 16th-place Blackburn have scored 10 more goals than them this season.
This is the first time the Reds have lost three games in a row since 2003, when they were managed by Gerard Houllier and Michael Owen was their top scorer with 16 goals. In 2012, Craig Bellamy leads the scoring charts with a paltry six. More worryingly, if the Premier League had started on January 1st, Liverpool would be in the bottom three.
Should Kenny be trusted with John Henry’s money again after splurging £56m in the summer on Messrs Adam, Henderson and Downing?

Bob Pollock
There haven’t been too many better adverts for the introduction of video technology in football than in QPR’s 2-1 defeat to Bolton. It may be one of the game’s more tedious talking points but that’s only because the solution is so obvious, easy to implement and inevitable.
Clint Hill’s header was a yard over the line before it was clawed back – brilliantly – by Adam Bogdan but assistant referee Bob Pollock failed to spot it and QPR never really recovered.
The R’s have a gauntlet-esque run-in, and if it will take all of Mark Hughes’ cunning for them to avoid an immediate return to the Championship. We’re guessing this wasn’t part of the four-year plan but there are some decisions that are impossible to account for.

Mario myth makers
If Noel Gallagher’s interview with Mario Balotelli taught us anything, it was not to believe everything we read. He’s entertaining enough on the pitch without these increasingly tedious and fictitious sideshow stories. The interview simply conveyed what most rational people already knew: that he is a thoughtful, shy and intense young man. Unfortunately, you still get the impression that the nation’s tabloid journalists had their fingers in their ears as Super Mario dismissed all of the mythical headlines, from confronting schoolyard bullies to handing out wads of cash to tramps, as baseless lies.

The Burnden Park Disaster remembered

2012-03-09T11:31:00Z

When Bolton Wanderers hosted Stoke City in an FA Cup Sixth Round game on 9th March 1946, fans flocked to witness what they thought would be an unforgettable game. Sadly, that's exactly what they got.

Bolton had won the FA Cup in 1923, 1926 and 1929, but had only got past the Sixth Round once since. They had won the 1945 Football League War Cup and hopes were high for more silverware. Stoke had never got past the Sixth Round (reached in 1928 and 1934), but they had the already legendary Stanley Matthews.

Uniquely in FA Cup history, ties were two-legged in that first postwar season. The Football League hadn't restarted, making the Cup more popular than ever.

Eyewitness Alf Ashworth attended the match with his brother Bill. “People came from far and wide because this was the first year the FA Cup was being played for after the war. People were coming back home from the forces, and Stanley Matthews for Stoke and Ray Westwood for Bolton – both internationals – were in the teams that day.”

The match wasn't all-ticket: Bolton's highest gate that season had been 43,453, well below the Burnden Park record of 69,912. However, Matthews' fame added thousands to an attendance already swelled by Bolton's 2-0 lead from the first leg, and the near-3,000 seats in the Burnden Stand were off-limits, still requisitioned by the Ministry of Supply. In addition, the closure of the Burnden-side turnstiles for the huge Embankment end placed extra pressure on the entrances on the other side of the terrace.

Crowds started arriving in their thousands before 1pm, and by 2.30pm the Embankment was nearing capacity. Alf Ashworth could see problems developing from his vantage point at the other end of the ground.

“Entrance was from Manchester Road only, and on the right by the turnstiles was a bar,” explained Ashworth. “People used to congregate round this bar, and wouldn't move from there. To left of the goals there was a mass of faces and no spaces, whilst farther over it was evident that there was room, but people wouldn't move over to the Burnden side of the ground.”

At 2.40pm the turnstiles were closed. However, thousands were still trying to get into the ground, and many broke in to the Embankment from the railway behind it, removing sections of the ramshackle fencing. A concerned father and son escaped the crush by picking the lock of a closed gate, but thousands poured in through the open gate.

Bill Cheeseman was on the Embankment with his sister, who had come specifically to see the great Stanley Matthews. “It was such a crush”, he recalled. “It was getting dangerous. We were getting squeezed by the people in front and behind. Everyone was pushing.”

As the teams came out, a characteristic terrace “swell” caused dozens to spill onto the pitch, temporarily holding up the game. By now women and children were being passed overhead to huddle at the side of the pitch, but this was not an uncommon occurrence at the time, and the game kicked off – with tragic consequences. As the crowd pressed forward again, two metal crush barriers gave way and the crowd collapsed in on itself.

“All of a sudden those that were in front of us seemed to go – all falling down like a pack of cards,” said Cheeseman. “We managed to get out and I was glad about that.”

Others weren't so lucky. Although play restarted, the seriousness of the situation was obvious even to Alf Ashworth at the other end of the ground. “People were being carried away on stretchers,” he saw with horror. “Some of them had their arms dangling over the side, and I thought they looked dead.” A police officer ran on to the pitch to alert the referee, who took the sides off the field at 3.12pm.

Half an hour later, on police instruction, the match restarted with a hastily-constructed new touchline made from sawdust; beyond it lay bodies on makeshift stretchers, covered with coats. At half-time the players simply swapped ends and kicked off again, and the match ended in a goalless draw.

The players were unaware of the scale of the disaster. Stanley Matthews himself later wrote that “In our dressing room we heard more rumours about the increasing number of casualties. Yet it was not until I was motoring home that evening that the shadow of grim disaster descended on me like a storm cloud.”

Thirty-three football fans had died and more than 400 injured in what was then football's biggest disaster. As Alf Ashworth asked: “Who would have thought that going to a football match would result in such a tragedy?”

A fortnight after the disaster, in the semi-final at Villa Park, Bolton lost 2-0 to Charlton – but they lost much more than a game that fateful March.

Get more from the April 2012 issue

2012-03-07T12:03:00Z

The shiny new edition of FourFourTwo is in shops now, and as usual we want to give you even more. So as you gasp, chuckle and nod in agreement reading the April 2012 issue, see what else we have to offer below...

ROBIN VAN PERSIE EXCLUSIVE
The unstoppable goalscoring machine talks about many things in his no-holds-barred interview with FourFourTwo, from his arty family to Arsenal without Cesc. But he really gets excited when talking about his best two goals.

In the red corner, there's the stupendous volley against Charlton in 2006, described by Arsene Wenger as the "goal of a lifetime".

In the blue corner, there's that exquisitive finish against Everton earlier in this campaign, seemingly destined for goal of the season.

But which is better? Van Persie seems to prefer his hit against Everton – what do you think?

COMING SOON: PREMIER LEAGUE WEEK
As promised on p105 of the magazine, we'll soon be dedicating a whole week to the Premier League, to celebrate 20 years of the modern game. From Monday, March 26, FourFourTwo.com will be awash with special features, retrospectives, quizzes, archive pieces and the pièce de resistance: our countdown of the 100 greatest Premier League games. We're excited just thinking about it.

YOUR CLUB'S BEST AND WORST FOREIGNER
So the full list, as chosen by fans, has been revealed: the magicians who appeared out of nowhere, and those you wish had just disappeared. With all of England's 92 league teams and the SPL's 12 featured, chances are you have an opinion – tell us what it is, on Facebook or Twitter.

EURO 2012 ENGLAND SQUAD PREDICTOR
The European Championship in Poland and Ukraine draws ever closer, and England seem no more sure of their squad now than they were three months ago. But with Fabio Capello out of the picture it's all change, and we've predicted a brave 23 to be chosen by the new manager. Agree? Disagree? Let us know, in the comments section at the bottom of the blog, or again, on Facebook or that there Twitter.

ONE-ON-ONE: NOBBY SOLANO
In our interview with the Peruvian-Geordie legend, reader Rob Hanworth asks Solano: "You won 'free-kick taker of the year' in 2006. Who do you think is the best free-kick taker of our generation or any other: Beckham, Zola, Juninho, Seb Larsson – Ryan Taylor?!"

Well, let's see, shall we?

THE SEARCH FOR ALI DIA
For more on Ali Dia, legendary for all the wrong reasons, check out our One-on-One interview with Matt Le Tissier from October 2010, archived online in our interviews section. He had much more to say on the one-game 'wonder' than "He was f***ing hopeless!"

WELCOME TO ANZHI MAKHACHKALA
Enjoyed our feature on Europe's latest big-spenders? We have regular missives from Mark Gilbey on the state of football in Russia and the former Soviet Union in our blogs section. Head on over to Never Mind The Bolsheviks for blogs on the weird, wacky and wondrous goings-on in eastern Europe.

FFT TRAVEL: LILLE
If you're intrigued by our footballing travel guides but don't fancy Lille, why not look at our dedicated Travel section online? There you'll find pieces on everywhere from Bari to the Basque country, and we've plenty of club guides too.

THE GAMES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: MARIO KEMPES
The Argentine looks back on some famous matches for FourFourTwo in the April issue – here are a few videos of the games to complement his words...

Brazil 2-1 Argentina

Argentina 2-1 Hungary

Argentina 2-0 Poland

Argentina 3-1 Holland

Valencia 2-0 Real Madrid

GREAT GOALS RETOLD: HAMIT ALTINTOP
It's a bloody cracker this month, as FIFA's 2010 Goal of the Year is remembered by the man who scored it: Turkey's Hamit Altintop. Boooooooooom!

MICHEL SALGADO COLUMN
Misplaced your mag? Read his explosive views on Saurez, Evra and racism in football online.

PERFORMANCE
Get more from Performance online – you can get everything from tactics tips to technique teaching. Relating to the content in this month's magazine, we have plenty for you to feast your eyes on:

After more on leaving full-backs for dust after Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain's guidance, or further advice on boosting your turbo? Performance has tips from Theo Walcott and Aaron Lennon.

Interest piqued by Yaya Toure's masterclass to dominating the middle of the park? Quality midfielders such as Andres Iniesta, Michael Carrick and Jack Rodwell offer their midfield guidance.

Hungry for recipe ideas befitting a footballer? Put aside that greasy bacon butty and feast on the breakfast of champions, then see what Jermaine Jenas has to eat for his first meal of the day.

Liked Kevin Doyle's advice on losing your marker? Then you'll love Darren Bent's guide to being a maestro of movement.

Feel you've learned how to cope during the season's squeaky bum time? Read more articles in our Psychology section to make sure your head is in the game at all times.

So your wingers have read how to put in the perfect cross every time, but your strikers still don't know to get on the end of it? Get them to read our Performance tips on scoring from crosses, courtesy of Alan Smith and Dion Dublin.

It's all here, on FourFourTwo.com and Performance.

Like what you see? Subscribe now and nab yourself a special offer!

Heroes & Villains: The excited new boy and the gobby chairman

2012-03-05T15:42:00Z

FourFourTwo.com Editor Gary Parkinson nominates the weekend's winners and sinners in the top flight

HEROES
David Moyes
Everton's manager has advocated a 20% pay cut for "everyone" in the Premier League, in order to address spiralling finances and reduce ticket prices for increasingly hard-up fans. Some suspect an ulterior motive from the comparatively underfunded manager of the cash-strapped Toffees (whose league attendances have started to dip below 30,000 for the first time in decades), but after a generation of widespread fiscal irresponsibility Moyes' words have a weary wisdom beyond dispute.

Pavel Pogrebnyak
Five shots on target, five goals, three wins for Fulham. His latest triplet blast, a perfect hat-trick of header, right foot and left-foot-while-falling-over, was greeted with the sunny smile of a man enjoying his football – and what's even better is the willingness the Russian shows to get involved with team-mate, whether being determined to set up Andy Johnson or one of the first to congratulate fellow goalscorer Clint Dempsey. Maybe the nouveau-riche neighbours' unwelcome deadline swoop for Bobby Zamora was a disguised blessing.

Passion
You wouldn't want every Premier League game to be like the Tyne-Wear derby, but it was a visceral pleasure to watch, especially for the neutral. Testy but tasty, it had it all – dozens of shots, penalties scored and saved, red cards before and after the whistle, a late equaliser from a local lad, and a sterling refereeing performance from Mike Dean.

Steve Kean
Yeah, him. Backed in the boardroom, derided in the stands and ridiculed beyond, the Scot continues to keep his reflective head above the relegation Plimsoll Line. True, it was only Wolves' Craven Cottage collapse that lifted Rovers above the dotted divider on goal difference, but the man written off more times than a stock-car banger continues to get results. Well, it’s either him or the Blackburn players have the deepest reserves of self-belief and pride in the entire league.

Wojciech Szczesny
Kept Arsenal in the game at Anfield, not least with his penalty save, then said with the commendable honesty of the genuinely relieved that "We were really lucky. We got away with murder at half-time because in the first-half we got killed all over the park." Props too to Robin van Persie, scoring two goals on the day his picture adorns the new issue of FourFourTwo… although in fairness we could probably have released that mag most weekends and he'd have helped with the publicity.

NEW ISSUE Van Persie, Al-Habsi, Dempsey, Solano and your club's best and worst foreigners

VILLAINS
Chelsea players
So the old boys finally got rid of the anguished young manager, after what has felt like a season-long campaign of confrontation, argument, off-field undermining and on-pitch underachievement. But like privileged prep-schoolkids bullying a substitute teacher in the run-up to their exams, their childish webellion could bounce back like a brick on elastic. For a start, some say the boot-wearing bovver-boys dislike interim coach Roberto di Matteo even more than they disrespected Villas-Boas, so they'll have to put their faces straight before rescuing cup campaigns against Birmingham and Napoli. More importantly, with a resurgent and resilient Arsenal occupying fourth place, who's going to end the season singing "Thursday night, Channel Five"?

Harry Redknapp
Since the 5-0 win over Newcastle had football media types clambering over each other to anoint Redknapp as England boss, Tottenham appear to have been writing a Things Not To Do In International Football manual. First, you fail to impose your class on minnows in should-win games (the 0-0 at Stevenage). Then, using entirely questionable tactics, you humiliatingly throw away a lead in a crunch game (the 5-2 loss at Arsenal). Finally (in this weekend's 3-1 loss at home to Manchester United), you get your bravehearts to play above themselves but then get clinically picked off by a better team. Actually, that's exactly what England do. Sign him up.

Owen Coyle
Having picked up five wins in 10 games over Christmas and January by playing a fluid 4-5-1 showcasing the attacking elan of Mark Davies and dogged midfield diligence of Fabrice Muamba, Coyle's gameplan at Manchester City involved marginalising Davies to the wing and relegating Muamba to the bench in favour of recently-signed centre-back Tim Ream – played out of position in midfield. Coyle will never be as unpopular in Bolton as his predecessor Gary Megson, but he appears to be trying his best.

Frazier Campbell
Worst. Tackle. Ever.

Dave Whelan
Never one to keep his counsel or decline an interview, the chairman charged to the airwaves after Wigan's defeat by Swansea to tell the nation that he would be taking Roberto Martinez to task. "I will have a meeting with him on Monday morning and ask him some questions about the performance and his selection," blustered the sportswear salesman. "We had three quality players on the bench and I want to know why." The man who bankrolled Wigan's rise has the right to ask the question, but not to undermine his manager at a crucial point. With the four teams above them facing off next week, Wigan have a great chance to vault up the league – but first Bob Martin must meet the boss while the players either wonder or snigger.

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor – 05/03/12

2012-03-05T12:00:00Z

We're now just under three months from the start of Euro 2012, and England are still without a permanent manager or captain and face a very real possibility of going in to the tournament's first two matches without their first and second choice forwards. Oh, and there are also question marks over the fitness of their prodigious playmaker.

Still, we'll have a laugh, won't we? Right?

Here's how we see the state of the squad at present, whoever's picking it...

Key:
▲ = moving up
▼ = moving down
■ = non mover
● = new entry

1 Wayne Rooney ▲
Coming into form nicely. Will b crucial, despite missing the first two matches.

2 Joe Hart ▼
Lynchpin in goal. Key man, still pretty much unrivaled between the sticks.

3 Ashley Cole ■
Best tournament player: a must, despite patchy form at club level.

4 Scott Parker ■
The team’s insurance policy. A potential captain for the finals.

5 Steven Gerrard ■
Could be star man in Rooney’s absence, if he can stay fit.

6 James Milner ▲
A man for all positions. Will the new manager favour him as Capello did?

7 Joleon Lescott ▲
Could secure a starting place if Terry or Ferdinand are left out.

8 Danny Welbeck ▲
Looks increasingly like a starter, especially with Bent now injured.

9 Daniel Sturridge ▲
Battling Walcott for wing berth. Staying in Chelsea side crucial.

10 Leighton Baines ■
Capable but untested. Most logical back up to Cole.

11 Gareth Barry ▼
Another steady season, though Fabio’s departure may hurt him.

12 Chris Smalling ●
Could usurp underplayed Cahill. He'll need games at club level, though.

13 Theo Walcott ▼
Still consistently inconsistent, but this has been perhaps his best season.

14 Frank Lampard ▲
Will be an asset from the bench. Evidently Villas-Boas agrees...

15 Kyle Walker ●
Pushes ahead of Glen Johnson

16 Phil Jones ▲
Could be main beneficiary if the new manager opts for youth.

17 Ashley Young ■
Injury hasn’t affected his form

18 Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain ●
Makes things happen; starting to look genuinely exciting. Needs games.

19 Jack Wilshere ▼
Injury delay means he could now be seen as a gamble.

20 Darren Bent ▲
Stagnating at Villa but one of few out-and-out strikers

21 Scott Carson ▼
A concern if he has to play, but there are few options available.

22 Robert Green ●
Playing in the Championship is better than not playing in the Prem (see Stockdale, D)

23 John Terry ▼
Bye-bye Capello, ta-ra Terry?

Close contenders

Micah Richards started against Holland, and his versatility may stand him in good stead. Yet Kyle Walker - who pulled out of that game injured - is still probably just ahead of him at this stage. Stewart Downing was one of England's better performers in that friendly defeat, but his inconsistent form for Liverpool could yet see him lose out. Michael Carrick wasn't involved in that friendly, but his form for Manchester United has certainly been good enough to put him in contention. This Redknapp old-boy could benefit if Jack Wilshere doesn't make it.

Manchester City's Adam Johnson and Manchester United's Tom Cleverley will both be in contention, but will need to be fit, firing and playing regularly for their clubs to get the nod.

Bubbling under

Jermain Defoe's form for Tottenham this season has been reasonable, but he hasn't been able to force his way into the team regularly enough to keep his England squad place. Rio Ferdinand's impressive performance for Manchester United at White Hart Lane was a reminder that he can still cut the mustard. Everton's Phil Jagielka hasn't played since January and will need to find momentum quickly upon his return.

Outside chance

With Rooney suspended and Bent potentially injured, there have been a few shouts for new names in the striking department. The campaign for Norwich's Grant Holt to be included has continued on Twitter, but Swansea's Danny Graham is perhaps a more likely 'shock' inclusion. If the man Redknapp gets the gig, it's not inconceivable Peter Crouch could be back in the frame, but we suspect Fraizer Campbell may not be invited back.

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor: January, February

A Dutch assassin, a Texan sharp-shooter and a Little Peruvian Master

2012-03-02T15:00:00Z

Jamie Orrell explains why you should buy the new issue of FourFourTwo...

The number of shivering short-wearers on your local high street will have told you that spring has sprung, but we’re not interested in frolicking in the sun just yet.

All eyes at FFT Towers are locked on to the rapidly approaching ‘business end’ of the season. So are those of the headline interviewee of our April 2011 issue, a footballing foreigners special, out now.

The fine young chap in question has swept everyone else in the Premier League aside over the past year, smashing goal scoring records while winning his team matches almost singlehandedly. His name? Why it’s Robin van Persie, of course, and we have an exclusive interview.

Has it been frustrating to play in a side struggling after the sale of Cesc Fabregas? Does he really believe he can top a year in which he scored 48 goals for club and country? And why is Dennis Bergkamp “old-timey”? The Arsenal and Holland star answers these questions and more, opening up to reveal some astonishing truths.

But Van Persie is just one in a long line of stellar names from overseas to light up the English game. FourFourTwo looks back on how the foreign invasion began, from the pitch to the boardroom, and whether it made football in Blighty better or worse.

It’s not all about the Premier League, either. In an incredible 17-page feature, we reveal your club’s best and worst ever foreign player, as voted for by fans. From Aberdeen to Yeovil, we have the imported heroes, villains and absolute jokers in the English 92 and SPL.

Continuing our foreigners special, we find out what a typical day in the life of a Premier League star is like. From the snow to the cuisine, Argentine-Geordie wide-man Jonas Gutierrez, Omani Wigan stopper Ali Al-Habsi and Brazilian duo Lucas Piazón (Chelsea) and Andre Santos (Arsenal) tell us how they’ve adapted.

We also go in search of a man considered not only the Premier League’s worst import, but perhaps the English top flight’s worst ever player. The infamous Southampton alumnus is nowhere to be found – can we pick up the trail of Ali Dia?

Our latest One-on-One is with lovable trumpet-tooting Peruvian Nolberto Solano. He wasn’t bad at that football lark, either. Nobby talks Newcastle, guinea pigs and being Christened ‘the little master’ by none other than Diego Maradona.

Moving abroad (the home of foreigners), we follow Roberto Carlos and Samuel Eto’o to Dagestan – the most dangerous place in Europe, according to the BBC - to get the inside track on big-spending Russians Anzhi Makhachkala.

Clint Dempsey scored the only goal in the USA’s first ever win over Italy, and is arguably the Premier League’s most underrated player. FourFourTwo has an exclusive chat with the Texan about Fulham, hat-tricks and fishing.

But wait, there’s more! Do you think Cloughie was the best manager England never had? Think again. Introducing Jesse Carver, who took Italian football by storm wearing slippers.

Elsewhere, we recall Ronaldinho’s crazy year, talk Euro 2012 with Jerome Boateng, get expert advice from Yaya Toure and Phil Jones and meet the best supported youth team in the land – Rushden & Diamonds!

Plus, we crunch the numbers on every foreigner to play in the Premier League, and get Peter Schmeichel’s Perfect XI of overseas imports. Phew.

The April issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by: Nobby Solano, Aaron Ramsey, Matt Le Tissier, Teddy Sheringham, Andre Santos, Robin van Persie, Clint Dempsey, Yaya Toure, Mario Kempes, Kevin Doyle, Peter Schmeichel, Cliff Jones, Jonjo Shelvey, Roberto Carlos, Joao Carlos, Simon Grand, Dave Beasant, Jonas Gutierrez, Phil Jones, Keith Knox, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Lucas Piazon, Terry Cooper, Brian Glanville, Hamit Altintop, Luke Rodgers, Rob Lee, Gordon Strachan, Ali Al-Habsi, Jerome Boateng, Michel Salgado, FatBoy Slim, the 90-year-old scout and fans from over 100 clubs.

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Bale needs to shelve quest for freedom, for the good of Spurs

2012-02-28T15:48:00Z

It’s just over 16 months since Gareth Bale’s Champions League hat-trick in the San Siro propelled him head-first into the continental consciousness.

In a way, he has since been burdened by the perhaps inflated praise heaped on him in the days following that performance. The hyperbole spouted by others is used as a stick to beat him with. One national newspaper continually sarcastically refers to him as ‘the World’s Greatest’ on Twitter, while suggestions he shares some of the same attributes as Cristiano Ronaldo are routinely mocked, with some saying he possesses little more than sheer pace.

Comparisons to the Real Madrid star – widely regarded as the second best player in the world – may seem fanciful, but there can be no doubting Bale has a skillset wide enough to make him one of the very best, should he continue to develop.

Indeed, statistics compiled at the start of this month showed that Bale had scored more goals, provided more assists, attempted more passes and made more tackles in his first 99 Premier League matches than the Portuguese had done in his.

The vast majority of those first 99 matches saw Bale play on the left, be it as an overlapping full-back or an out-and-out winger. And that, by a long chalk, is where Bale has been at his best.

Inter right-back Douglas Maicon probably still spends his evenings sat alone in the dark rocking back and forth mumbling ‘taxi’, such was the relentless harassment he received from Bale against the Londoners in the autumn of 2010.

In the second meeting in particular, Bale was unstoppable. Despite the not unsubstantial warning of a hat-trick at the San Siro, Inter seemed unable to stop the Welshman rampaging down their right flank. His pace, power, control and vision out wide created two goals and inspired Spurs to a famous win which went a long way to seeing the Londoners finish top of Group A.

But Bale recently revealed he was concerned at being frozen out of matches as a result of being doubled-marked if he continued to hug the touch-line, and instead wanted the freedom to drift inside.

"Being stuck outside is not good all the time," he explained. "You need to mix your game up and give the opposition things to think about. If I'm not getting the ball, I'm not helping the team. I want to be involved, get as much of the ball as I can, so that's why I've had to go inside to be a positive influence on the game."

The early signs were good. Following Tottenham’s impressive 2-0 victory at Norwich in December – in which Bale and Rafael van der Vaart both played in more central ‘free roles’ behind Emmanuel Adebayor – there was much talk of how the Welshman had finally found the freedom he needed to really express himself on the pitch. The fact he scored both goals, the second a powerful run from the halfway line, only set the tongue-wagging into overdrive.

Those comparisons to Cristiano Ronaldo once again reared their head, this time relating more specifically to the Real Madrid man’s transformation from wing-wizard to net-bothering leading man.

But while it's encouraging that a young player should be so determined to develop his game, could it be said that this mindset is selfish? Is this desire to take the game by the scruff of the neck currently to the detriment of Tottenham as a whole? Maximising the team's performance should surely come before that of any individual. And after all, if the opposition double-up on Bale, his team-mates – the likes of Van der Vaart, Luka Modric and Aaron Lennon – should be able to find more space in other areas of the pitch.

In Sunday’s defeat at Arsenal, Bale looked a shadow of the player who over the past two years has so often terrorised defences. In the first half played on the left of a midfield four, drifting inside when the mood struck. In the second half, he was shifted to the right as an inverted winger, continuing to attempt to cut infield.

The below Stats Zone diagrams show that, although the free-roaming Bale received the ball more often on Sunday than he did in the reverse fixture at White Hart Lane in October, he created three fewer chances than he did when focusing on attacking from a wide left position in the home fixture. In fact, the two chances he did create in the more recent match were from wide on the left.

Of course, the level of performance of Bale’s team-mates and opponents must also be taken into consideration when making these kind of comparisons, but this is not an isolated incident. The fact he struggled to make an impact when playing in a more central role in the recent FA Cup tie away to League One Stevenage should perhaps have been a warning that straying from the norm against a side battling for a top-four spot in the Premier League was an unwise move.

And it’s not just Bale himself that suffers. Left-back Benoit Assou-Ekotto, unsurprisingly, doesn’t get anywhere near the same degree of protection when Bale goes walkabout as he does when the former Southampton man focuses on attempting to get round the outside of the opposition right -back. The Cameroonian is also left bereft of options when it comes to distribution and bursting into the opponent’s half. The below diagram shows how he not only completed far fewer passes in Sunday’s defeat than in that match against Inter, but also that his forays forward were far more irregular.

Harry Redknapp will naturally be keen to keep Bale sweet, and giving him his desired freedom on the pitch may be a good way to do that. But he’ll need to be watchful that this doesn’t come at the expense of the fluidity and cutting-edge of his team, and recent evidence suggests that Spurs are at their best when playing a 4-4-1-1 system, with Bale wide left, Aaron Lennon wide right and Van der Vaart playing off Adebayor.

While there are signs England’s manager-in-waiting is eager to show he isn’t the tactical dinosaur his detractors paint him as, this is not the time to experiment. With a massive few months coming up for player, manager and club, sticking to the tried and tested for the time being looks the safest bet for all parties.

Fear, loathing and football: Explaining a peculiarly turbulent season

2012-02-28T10:53:00Z

Bobby Kennedy once famously suggested that “One fifth of the people are against everything all of the time”. Anybody who has followed this peculiarly turbulent English football season might feel Kennedy was understating his case. There has always been an undercurrent of fear and loathing in football, but in 2011/12 they have been the season’s defining emotions.

The most significant events – the Luis Suarez case, the shocking suicide of Gary Speed, the Carlos Tevez saga, the collapse of Rangers – have made ugly headlines as the beautiful game becomes an industrialised melodrama in which a monstrous regiment of Sky Sports News reporters are permanently stationed outside British football grounds in the apparent belief – all too often sadly justified – that if they stand there clutching their microphones for long enough, something – some event, micro-event, or rumour of an imminent micro-event – will happen.

The big scandals have been relentlessly, even recklessly, hyped up by the media so that a season graced by some remarkable games – United 8-2 Arsenal, United 1-6 City and Arsenal 5-2 Spurs – may end up being defined, in the history books, by the absence of a handshake.

Except for me, the defining image of the season so far is the hatred on the faces of Blackburn fans as they taunted their manager Steve Kean this winter, a scene almost as disturbing as the hellish visions of the Dutch Renaissance painter Hieronymus Bosch and football’s most agonising contribution to the car crash TV genre.

This truly is a golden age for T-shirt printers...

The frustration is understandable. It can’t be easy being coached by a man who looks (and some would say manages) like one of Peter Kay’s sidekicks in Max And Paddy’s Road To Nowhere or having your new owners damningly referred to in the media as “Indian chicken farmers”. It’s odd the way the media invariably uses that exact description as if they would be slightly less reprehensible if they were merely Indian or chicken farmers but the fact that they are both puts them mysteriously beyond the pale.

But the ferocity is troubling. Relegation – and I say this as a Leicester City fan – used to be viewed, rather as sitcom burglar Norman Stanley Fletcher regarded arrest, as an occupational hazard. Not any more. Mind you, at the other end of the Premier League table, the mere prospect of a season without UEFA Champions League football has inspired more fear and loathing at Arsenal and Chelsea than Hunter S. Thompson found in Las Vegas or on the campaign trail.

In the first half of the North London derby, the kindest thing any Arsenal fan said to Theo Walcott was “Get him off!” The promising, but frustratingly inconsistent winger had become a potent symbol of everything some fans resented about Arsene Wenger’s management. The harassment got so intense that any remark to Walcott that didn’t contain an expletive must have struck the player as a compliment. No wonder he celebrated his goals with such joy.

Meanwhile in west London, the Andre Villas-Boas project has entered treacherous waters. Every team selection or substitution is analysed for evidence of incompetence. Chelsea’s travails illustrate perfectly how fatuous the British media’s football coverage has become. When AVB arrived in the summer, the media unanimously agreed that his major task was to rejuvenate an ageing, underperforming squad. Six months later, he is being crucified for – yep – trying to rejuvenate an ageing, underperforming squad.

We don't know enough about Doctor Who to make a pun here. Sorry.

Building a new team is, like the regeneration of Dr Who, an uncertain process: you never know whether you’re going to end up with David Tennant or Sylvester McCoy. And so far, the new Chelsea have been more McCoy than Tennant. Yet they played their most fluent football of 2011/12 when they demolished Valencia in December when Frank Lampard was on the bench and Didier Drogba looked bothered.

From the outside, it is hard to say unequivocally whether AVB is the right man for the job – or whether his critics in the squad are justified. But the situation is surely more complex than the media would suggest. Most Chelsea fans I speak to revere Lampard but admit to reservations about his current game. A few have wondered what has happened to Ashley Cole’s sat nav. As great as Cole has been, some supporters feel John Terry has been blamed for not filling space created by Cole’s inconsistent positioning.

What Arsenal, Blackburn and Chelsea have in common is a feeling among supporters that they have no control. I wonder, harking back to Bobby Kennedy, whether that lack of control has become more painful because of the economic turmoil we are living through. Through little fault of our own, all of us are living with a degree of uncertainty about our everyday lives we find it hard to handle. Our lack of control is mirrored at international summits where even the politicians, who can normally be relied upon to fudge their way out of a massive crisis, have often looked at a loss. No wonder so many of us are against everything all of the time.

The cliché is that football reflects society. If that is true, David Cameron ought to be very worried.

Heroes & Villains: Man Utd's Teletext scorers & Redknapp's jerking knee

2012-02-27T12:15:00Z

RESULTS (click team name for web-wide club news feed) Sat 25 Feb Chelsea 3-0 Bolton, Newcastle 2-2 Wolves, QPR 0-1 Fulham, West Brom 4-0 Sunderland, Wigan 0-0 Aston Villa, Man City 3-0 Blackburn Sun 26 Feb Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham, Norwich 1-2 Man Utd, Stoke 2-0 Swansea

Heroes

Arsene Wenger
At 2-0 down it felt like the North London derby was turning into a watershed moment in the 15-year Arsene Wenger regime. It was hard to imagine a team so frequently criticised for a lack of grit finding a way back against high-flying Tottenham, until quickfire goals from Bacary Sagna and Robin Van Persie hauled them back into the game just before the break. A real test of character for Wenger’s charges, especially after disappointing results at Milan and Sunderland, but in the end it was a test they passed with ease.
As well as the Dutchman played, for once this wasn't just the Robin Van Persie show. Tomas Rosicky and Yossi Benayoun turned in hugely impressive performances setting the emotional tone for Arsenal by constantly pestering and pressing Tottenham's defence which couldn't cope with their industry. Theo Walcott recovered from a poor first half and rediscovered his clinical streak to fire the goals that added the gloss to Arsenal's best 60 minutes of the season, leaving their manager to look up the table for the first time in months.
"People will see now that Arsenal are alive more than anyone thought before the game," said Wenger after the match, "The performance today showed spirit. From the technical side, and with the drive of the whole team and style that we want to play, everything was perfect despite a very bad start."

Chelsea
Another team putting Champions League disappointment behind them was Chelsea, who brought the feel-good factor back to Stamford Bridge with a convincing 3-0 win over beleaguered Bolton. Roman Abramovic was watching on, looking sunnier than he's done in recent times, which will have been a pleasing sight for Andre Villas-Boas, who knew nothing less than a comfortable win would do after their spirit-sapping 3-1 defeat in Naples. With their £50m striker on the bench and Drogba set to leave in the summer, perhaps the answer to the striker crisis could be David Luiz who looks more comfortable in the opposition penalty box than his own.

Ryan Giggs
What on earth are they going to do when he retires? Uncertain times may lie ahead for Manchester United but the immediate future looks rosy after ticking off another awkward assignment on their quest to run down City. You could have gone on Teletext in 1995 to see Scholes and Giggs’ names in the scorers column and given the last minute nature of this win, there was something cosily nostalgic about it. 900 appearances and counting for the Welshman and there’s no sign of him slowing down any time soon.
On the day he does retire, Sir Alex would do well to do the same, this man is irreplaceable. "To play 900 games for this club, who I've grown up supporting, is special - it's a great day for me,” said Giggs, “I am sure there will be more twists and turns in the title race and I expect more drama and late goals."

West Brom
The Baggies 4-0 win over Sunderland was the surprise result of the weekend as Hodgson's men picked up their first three points at the Hawthorns since January. Sunderland possess one of the division's best away records and would have fancied their chances of recording a sixth away win in seven games on Saturday against a team who had managed just nine goals at home all season. It wasn't to be though as Peter Odemwingie continued his impressive recent form, helping himself to another brace.
Even sterner tests await for Hodgson though: "Our home form has been poor and it was a much-needed win. We mustn't rest on our laurels - we've got Chelsea next."

Terry Connor
Mick McCarthy is far from a bad manager, but there was a feeling that things had turned stagnant at Molineux and sometimes a new voice is needed in a dressing room – preferably one without a thick Yorkshire drawl. Terry Connor was given 13 games to save Wolves and McCarthy’s former assistant got off to a great start with a hard-earned point at Newcastle.
At half time Connor got his side in 2-0 down but that new voice seemed to have the desired effect as they reappeared for the second period transformed and got their reward through goals from Doyle and Jarvis. A pleasing day’s work for Connor who we’ll forgive for the “we’ve got 12 cup finals” cliché he dusted off afterwards.

Villains

Harry Redknapp
Knee-jerking is a particularly unattractive trait for a potential England manager but it was one showcased in Harry’s half-time substitutions at the Emirates on Sunday. Tottenham had more than a foot-hold in the first half of the North London derby, and could perhaps consider themselves unlucky to be pegged back to 2-2 having lead 2-0. Yet, while it appeared there was a need to arrest control of the midfield, with the 4-4-2 system Redknapp had surprisingly adopted failing to quell the attacking threat of the Gunners, the changes made at the break appeared to weaken Spurs further.
On came Sandro and Rafael Van der Vaart - the latter particularly famed for his lack of tactical discipline - as Redknapp curiously shifted Gareth Bale right, the Dutchman left and left the natural width and searing pace of Aaron Lennon on the bench.
The manager pointed to defensive mistakes in his post-match interview, but the collapse that saw them ship three second half goals originated in the midfield where they were overrun for the entire half. In scenes reminiscent of Spurs’ 5-1 defeat to Manchester City, they simply failed to cope with the shift in the game’s momentum. Where Spurs had been understrength in that early season humbling against the league leaders, this was Tottenham’s first-choice XI and after such a bright start, the heaviness of this defeat will be difficult to bounce back from – especially as Manchester United await next week.

Blackburn Rovers
Manchester City’s David Pizarro came on as a substitute in the 71st minute and made 28 passes, which is more than ten of Blackburn’s players managed. Sometimes statistics do tell the whole story. Steve Kean isn’t the first manager to plonk ten of his eleven players in front of the goal at the Etihad Stadium this season and though all have failed, most have left their reputations still intact. Blackburn have been on a decent run and on their last trip to Manchester their fearless counter-attacking display earned that rarest of things - an away win at Old Trafford.
On Saturday it was a different approach from Kean’s men, if you could call it an approach at all. This was one of the poorest top flight performances in recent memory as Blackburn barely put a tackle in for 90 long arduous minutes and at times City resembled a malicious cat, playing with innards of a particularly feeble mouse. It took 92 minutes for Blackburn to force a save from Joe Hart and that was the tamest of strikes from Yakubu, who was given no help whatsoever from his teammates.
Steve Kean might need that new bodyguard of his if he comes within spitting distance of Sir Alex Ferguson any time soon.

Mark Hughes
What is it about Mark Hughes and handshakes? Sparky made Martin Jol the fourth Premier League manager he’s fallen out with over these post-match acts of courtesy and this one was particularly odd. Hughes appeared to bat away the Dutchman’s hand and later cited the Fulham bosses attempts to pat his head to explain his refusal to shake his hand. Jol joins the illustrious company of Roberto Mancini, Tony Pulis and Arsene Wenger on Sparky’s hit-list. Premier League managers beware, without a Premier League win since 21st January, Hughes is in no mood for pleasantries.

Swansea City
Swansea have deservedly won all manner of plaudits for their expectation-defying start to life in the top flight but they failed the acid test of a trip to the Britannia Stadium at the first time of asking. Swansea aren’t the first team to take an aesthetically pleasing style of football to Stoke City and leave empty handed but their away form has been disappointing all season. They’ve picked up just nine points on the road and this was a particularly depressing encounter.
Michel Vorm’s late failed fitness test proved decisive as his replacement Gerhard Tremmel seemed to struggle to cope with the Potters’ physicality from long throws and crosses as Stoke’s soft second goal proved. As introductions to Premier League life go, this was a particularly bruising one for Tremmel and the Swans will hope to welcome back one of the league’s best keepers in Vorm for their trip to the DW Stadium next week.

Kevin Friend
Masochism, good housekeeping or a dark sense of humour? Whatever it was that possessed Kevin Friend to add 11 minutes of injury time to Wigan Athletic vs Aston Villa at the DW Stadium, it certainly wasn't welcomed by the 20,601 people who attended this cure to insomnia. The Villa fans who managed to stay awake greeted the final whistles with boos for Alex McLeish who celebrated just three Aston Villa goals in the whole of February.

Wolves' succession worse than Blackburn's as clubs race to the bottom

2012-02-24T15:10:00Z

FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson on the managerial fun and games at the foot of the Premier League...

This season's Premier League relegation battle has veered into an It's a Knockout of competitive misery.

Welcoming Wigan to the Reebok Stadium and noting that visiting boss Bob Martin's inflexible insistence on "playing proper football" had gathered more plaudits than points, Bolton's Owen Coyle rushed to embrace the ideology. Reverting from the 4-5-1 with which his team had lost one game in seven to the 4-4-2 that had served them so badly hitherto, Bolton surrendered possession and the points in a hapless home hammering.

Having spent a wedge of wodge to keep QPR in the division by assembling a squad containing enough strikers to make even Bob Crow cringe, Mark Hughes promptly watched his new charges lose successive six-pointers to Wolves and Blackburn, to find themselves right in it.

Having won that match at QPR to escape the drop zone, Wolves had the chance to drag their freefalling local rivals West Brom into the mire. Instead, they capitulated 5-1 in a defeat so dire that owner Steve Morgan felt compelled to fire Mick McCarthy.

Whatever the merits of that decision, it can't be denied that Wolves have created a succession crisis. Laying out a precise set of criteria (specifically Premier League experience) which precluded all but a few candidates, Morgan and camera-happy chief exec Jez Moxey found their field considerably narrowed when the fans rejected the very idea of Steve Bruce and willing interviewee Alan Curbishley apparently rejected the job – twice.

In between those Curbed approaches, the club flip-flopped by chasing young Football League bosses with no top-flight managerial experience – Brighton's Gus Poyet and Reading's Brian McDermott. Poyet shrugged off the idea, McDermott signed a new contract.

And so, after a quick lurch to the opposite extreme by approaching retired sexagenarian Walter Smith, Wolves have ended up at the usual destination of desperation by appointing the assistant-turned-caretaker Terry Connor until the end of the season.

That's not to say promoting caretakers never works – Chris Hughton did a much better job at Newcastle than either of the messiahs he replaced, Keegan and Shearer. However, Connor is obviously so far from first choice as to have already been undermined by his club.

At least in that respect Venky's didn't get it wrong at Ewood Park. True, many a Rover would revoke the decision to sack Sam Allardyce and elevate his assistant Steve Kean to the top job, but at least the Scotsman seems to have the backing of his players.

Well, most of them. Not to be outdone by the calamities around them, Blackburn now appear to be determinedly ostracising their most effective player, Chris Samba, who seems set to leave for Russia today in exchange for £7.5m which will do Kean's squad no good at all.

Economists talk about a "race to the bottom". It seems we've got our very own in England's top flight.

Capello's rejuvenating leaves Pearce with little need to experiment

2012-02-23T13:05:00Z

Interim manager Stuart Pearce's England squad has been met with a wave of indifference. For all the overexcited tabloid-TV talk of calling up "inexperienced" players, and a few respectful phone calls to older squad members left out this time, the only uncapped players in the pot are Fraizer Campbell and Tom Cleverley. Plus ça change, plus ça meme chose, as Basile Boli might say.

But what else was Pearce to do? He wanted to give gametime to those who haven't had much of it, but had he called up his old England U21 players en bloc, he would have been derided as a narrow-minded nepotist. And there's not much we can learn about Joleon Lescott, Michael Carrick or Jermain Defoe that we don't already know.

At the top of the age scale, there would be howls if he had reinstated the old guard like Frank Lampard and Rio Ferdinand. Like a few ageing players, both those former Hammers may have all their fingers crossed that their old mucker Harry Redknapp gets his expected coronation. So might Joe Cole. There might even be an excited Christmas-morning twinkle in the eye of David Beckham.

The reason the squad doesn't look shockingly jejune is that Fabio Capello had already started rejuvenating England after the last tournament. The oldest squad at South Africa 2010 had looked decidedly doddery, and Capello had started a surgery just as necessary as the one Andres Villas-Boas is struggling to achieve at Chelsea.

Joe Hart is now the player England can least afford to lose. Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Gary Cahill have come into the backline. Although leavening a midfield built around Jack Wilshere with the selfless experience of Scott Parker, Capello was also exploring options like Jack Rodwell and Adam Johnson. Up front, Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck have also been brought in for inspection.

The renovation had already started, and despite his building-site experience as an electrician, Pearce didn't need to bulldoze a squad which qualified undefeated despite the changes.

Fully deserving of his call-up is Micah Richards, ostracised by Capello but flourishing at Roberto Mancini's Manchester City into a powerful, adaptable and increasingly clever right-back – an area of uncertainty for which England could use a solid answer.

Similarly, although the squad is young it's good to see the recall of Steven Gerrard, who needs time back in the international saddle – especially in the temporary absence of Wayne Rooney. Running the game from behind the main striker, the Liverpool skipper could be a worthwhile stand-in for his fellow Scouser in the first two games of a Euro 2012 tournament into which England go with no manager, but a decent squad of options.

FourFourTwo: Accept no imitations

2012-02-20T15:19:00Z

We at FourFourTwo have heard news of a disturbing matter from two different sources in the past week. We have been told, first by a student and then by a police officer, that there is a man in the Sheffield area masquerading as a FourFourTwo employee.

He calls himself Richard Nelson, and he is nothing to do with us.

We like to have a few laughs on FourFourTwo.com, and this may sound like a joke. Sadly, it's not: ‘Mr Nelson’ has used our name to his own advantage and, more worryingly, to con money out of hardworking people.

In his guise as someone working for FourFourTwo – which is based in Teddington, south-west London, and not in the north of England as he claimed – he promised work experience to a student and aspiring journalist, in return for a few drinks and a spare room for a few nights.

At FourFourTwo, we will never request payment from anyone wishing to come into our Teddington offices on work experience.

Not content with stealing from a student, ‘Mr Nelson’ has, we’ve been informed by the South Yorkshire Police, run up a £70 bar tab with a fake card, only to disappear with it unpaid.

The South Yorkshire Police would like to hear from anyone who has any information, on 0114 2 20 20 20.

We would like to reiterate that we do not employ anyone by the name of Richard Nelson. Nor do we use anybody else as a mediator to arrange work experience placements.

To arrange a work experience placement, please email contact [at] fourfourtwo [dot] com

Exclusive: Salgado on Suarez, Evra, Terry, Capello and racism

2012-02-17T16:30:00Z

In an exclusive preview of his monthly FourFourTwo magazine column, Michel Salgado gives his own insight into the recent racism rows involving Liverpool, Manchester United, Chelsea, QPR – and eventually costing the England manager his job…

Racism is a complicated, sensitive issue and not one I particularly wanted to talk about, but given the huge impact it has sadly had in English football over the last few months, it is worth discussing. Because I come from a different country, I can perhaps offer a different perspective.

First, though, I want to stress that I do not think either John Terry or Luis Suarez are racist. On the football pitch the tension is enormous – it’s insane. Your heart is racing, and you often find yourself in situations where you say things that you do not mean. Sometimes, you don’t even know what you’re saying.

There are certain similarities between the John Terry case and the Luis Suarez one, but they should not be considered the same. The John Terry case is hard to comment on because we still do not know what happened. You are innocent until proven guilty and that presumption of innocence has to be respected. In that sense, Fabio Capello was right.

The FA have not investigated him, they have not reached a definitive conclusion, and yet they decided to strip Terry of the captaincy. Yes, the charge is serious and yes, it can have an impact on the England team, but that makes it a decision of footballing significance. It is hard for Anton Ferdinand, Rio Ferdinand and the rest of the England team too, but any resolution must be reached in consultation with the manager.

October 23rd: Terry covers his mouth as he walks away from Ferdinand

Luis Suarez’s case is different. I believe he has made four mistakes.

First, he offended Patrice Evra. That can perhaps be explained, even justified by the heat of the moment.

Second, after the game, he should have apologised. That he didn’t choose to do that can perhaps be explained by pride.

Third, when the case was brought against him, he denied wrongdoing and was determined to fight it, yet he lost the case and got an eight-game ban. The report seemed to clearly show he was guilty. But his actions forced his coach and his club to defend him to the death, leaving them in a difficult and unpleasant situation. That can maybe be explained by fear.

And finally, he refused to shake Evra’s hand. Evra was the one that made the gesture and Suarez refused to reciprocate. The offended party offered his hand and, with the world watching, the offender refused it. That was a big moment: everybody was waiting to see what happened, and by refusing to shake hands Suarez gave the game a bad image. He left English football in a difficult position too. I do not think that has any explanation at all.

February 11th: Suarez refuses to shake Evra's hand

Perhaps Suarez thinks he is the victim – he has certainly acted as if that is the case. Maybe he did not think that what he said was offensive: for him it may not have been, but for Evra it clearly was. And he had to realise that. There are linguistic nuances, and the use of words is not the same everywhere. Negro or negrito, for example, are not the same in Spain as in England, and not the same in Latin America as in Spain.

Words are conditioned by language, culture and history. It’s not just race. I, for example, have found that some of the jokes you tell every day in the dressing room in Spain, you cannot say in England. In Spain we joke a lot about other people’s wives or sisters: here, you just don’t do it. You have to understand that. It is up to the foreign player to adapt to his new surroundings, not the other way round.

There are rules – laws, even – and you must abide by them. If something is not allowed, it is not allowed. Just because you don’t think it is offensive does not mean it is not offensive, and does not mean you shouldn’t apologise. Besides, when someone uses an abusive term 10 times, and in the way it was used, there’s little question about its intent to offend.

October 15th: Suarez and Evra exchange words

Against Manchester United in February, Suarez had the chance to put it all behind him and he didn’t. That mistake – his fourth – was the worst. He had been found guilty and had not appealed. He had been banned for eight games and was now back in action. That was the moment to back down: if you think eight games is too much, tough luck.

‘May he who is free of sin cast the first stone’, as they say. We all make mistakes – all of us. But you have to step forward and say sorry. You apologise for what happened in the heat of the moment and it ends there. But you must apologise.

In the end Suarez did apologise, but it felt forced. The apology has to be sincere. The apology also has to be directed to Evra, and it wasn’t. You have to be man enough to step up, swallow your pride and apologise properly.

Luis Suarez probably doesn’t care what I think; I’m probably not important to him. But as a professional footballer, a colleague, I would like to hold out my hand to him and invite him to resolve this situation. For the good of the game and for his own good too. Speak to Evra.

I do not think Suarez is a racist. He is a brilliant footballer, and it is sad that people will remember him for this and not for the player that he is.

Heroes & Villains: Toxic plunges and the Church of Harry Redknapp

2012-02-13T14:09:00Z

RESULTS (click team name for web-wide club news feed) Sat 11 Feb Manchester United 2-1 Liverpool; Blackburn Rovers 3-2 Queens Park Rangers; Bolton Wanderers 1-2 Wigan Athletic; Everton 2-0 Chelsea; Fulham 2-1 Stoke City; Sunderland 1-2 Arsenal; Swansea City 2-3 Norwich City; Tottenham Hotspur 5-0 Newcastle United Sun 12 Feb Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-5 West Bromwich Albion; Aston Villa 0-1 Manchester City

HEROES

Harry Redknapp
White Hart Lane seemed to transform into the Church of Harry Redknapp for the late kick-off on Saturday. The impassioned hymns did the trick; there was something of the divine on the pitch too as Tottenham took Newcastle United apart. The message from Harry’s players was clear: don’t go.

Harry Redknapp’s occasional over-familiarity with the media doesn’t invite much sympathy from people outside the club, but you couldn’t begrudge him his first stress-free night since the charges were brought against him last year. Louis Saha looks to be yet another smart acquisition, but the night belonged to Emmanuel Adebayor, who set up the first four Spurs goals before getting one himself.

They remain outsiders to finish top, and though the pull of his country might be too much for Harry to resist, it’s looking like he’ll leave a Champions League outfit behind him – remarkable when you consider the state the club was in when he took over in 2008. Something about two points from eight games, wasn't it?

Thierry Henry
Mission complete for Henry, who signed off from his second Premier League stint in typically memorable style. A last-minute winner at in-form Sunderland will leave Gunners fans wishing his loan from New York Red Bulls could be extended, just to silence any remaining pundits who thought Henry could only damage his legacy by going back.

Arsene Wenger refused to rule out a third spell at the club for the Frenchman, who proved he still has plenty to offer at the highest level.

Manchester United
The Red Devils gave the perfect demonstration of how to play a football match rather than get distracted by events off the pitch. Manchester United took the sting out of Liverpool to deliver three points that keep the pressure on neighbours Manchester City at the Premier League summit.

Paul Scholes seems to grow in stature with every game back, and he was the best player on the park on Saturday, with his passing range and tactical awareness still very much intact.

Peter Odemwingie
West Brom’s hat-trick hero set his sights on a top-ten finish with the Baggies after they recorded a 5-1 away win at Midland rivals Wolves. It was one of the more surprising scorelines of the weekend, and Odemwingie, who looked to be struggling with second-season syndrome before now, was back to his clinical best in this humiliation of Wolves.

"I hope we can change our home performances, and then there's nothing that can stop us finishing in the top 10,” enthused the striker, whose side moved to within 11 points of the magic 40 mark, said to be the target to hit to avoid relegation.

Everton
David Moyes’ men repeated the job they did on Manchester City last week, with a shock 2-0 win over Chelsea at Goodison Park. Steven Pienaar would have been wondering why he left in the first place, after putting Everton into an early lead with an excellent drive and finish.

An onslaught was expected from Andre Villas-Boas’ men but it never really arrived, and Everton were able to add to their tally courtesy of Denis Stracqualursi's first Premier League goal, after more good work from Landon Donovan in his farewell fixture.

Grant Holt
With a regime change underway, the 'Holt for England' campaign is gathering momentum. The burly frontman has now notched nine Premier League goals in his maiden top-flight season, and his staggering ascent from League Two in just three years continues apace, after he inspired Norwich to three vital points at erstwhile Fortress Liberty.

VILLAINS

Kenny Dalglish
Anyone who had paid attention to Luis Suarez before he arrived in England would have come to expect moments of transgression from the Uruguayan, but Kenny Dalglish’s behaviour in the Affair That Need Not Be Named has been surprising and genuinely disappointing.

What seems most astonishing to anyone outside Liverpool has been this blind defence of Suarez in the face of all evidence and reason. Rational Liverpool supporters, of which there are many, were badly let down by their manager in Saturday's post-match interview. It would have been easier for Dalglish to simply refuse to answer questions on the handshake, but instead he came out on the offensive and only served to prolong the scrutiny and pressure on his striker.

Sunday’s numerous apologies should finally put the whole depressing episode to bed, but not without Liverpool’s worldwide reputation taking a toxic plunge.

Chelsea
Andre Villas-Boas called it "one of the worst displays of the season" and it’s difficult to argue with him. The Portuguese manager accepted the blame for the defeat, citing a shortcoming in his side’s preparation for the match.

Chelsea certainly lacked fluidity in the final third of the pitch, and their £50m striker yet again failed to shine in this, the final game before Didier Drogba returns from the Africa Cup of Nations. Torres looks destined to return to the bench after missing the opportunity to stake his claim for a regular start, and one wonders if the Spaniard will ever return to the form that made him one of Europe’s most feared strikers.

In this feature alone we’ve been through a veritable smorgasbord of excuses for his dramatic loss of form. Perhaps it was a question of fitness; of Drogba's overbearing presence; or maybe he just needed a run of games.Now the explanations are at an end, and it should bring no joy from any neutral football-lover to see this shadow of Torres meander listlessly from cul-de-sac to cul-de-sac.

If Villas-Boas is given another summer to turn Chelsea around, one of his most important decisions will be what to do about Torres. It might just be the act that defines his spell at Stamford Bridge.

QPR
The Rs have taken just one point from winnable fixtures against under-pressure teams Aston Villa, Wolves and now Blackburn since Mark Hughes took over at Loftus Road, and look set for a springtime relegation battle. Conceding seven goals against three of the league's lowest scorers is no basis for the recovery expected after January dealings. QPR did stage something of a fight-back from 3-0 down, but substitute Jamie Mackie’s goals weren’t enough to spare Hughes successive defeats.

The problem with a January transfer splurge is that you are denied a pre-season for players to gel together and be drilled on their responsibilities in a manager’s system. Hughes will have more money to spend in the summer thanks to owner Tony Fernandes’ deep pockets, but the question is whether he’ll be strengthening for the Premier League or for promotion back to the top flight. Too many more of these off-days and it’s likely to be the latter.

Alex McLeish
McLeish had clearly paid some attention to the Moyes and O’Neill model that had taken maximum points from the league leaders, as the philosophy was much the same: keep it tight and hope to steal a goal on the counter attack. Where McLeish’s setup differed, however, was the lack of intensity in Villa’s pressing. Manchester City were allowed to stroke the ball around the midfield and cultivate a degree of comfort in possession that only served to settle their nerves in their first away game since that miserable night at Goodison Park.

Villa weren’t helped in their quest for a first home win since Bonfire Night by the resigned indifference of the support, which radiated onto the pitch from the stands. It seemed a matter of time before City found a way through and when they did, Villa took 15 minutes to force a meaningful save from Joe Hart. The frustration for Villa fans and players will be that when they did work through the gears, City hardly looked watertight at the back.

As Martin Tyler put it: McLeish’s Villa died without knowing.

Little England need to think big and get the best man for the job

2012-02-10T14:54:00Z

FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson on the farce and fiasco that has surrounded the English national football team in recent days...

The departure of Fabio Capello was a domino-topple of wrongness.

John Terry’s heinous (alleged) crime was bad enough; the legal system’s preposterous tardiness turned a problem into a half-year soap opera. The FA’s decision over his captaincy was difficult enough, but reaching it without consulting the manager was tantamount to constructive dismissal of their most well-remunerated employee.

Capello's decision to vent his spleen on Italian TV seemed either unprofessionally immature or a calculated move to render his position untenable by pandering to the prejudices of the xenophobic.

Fittingly for a chain of events started by alleged racism, it's that xenophobia which is the ugliest of all. Whenever the second most important job in the country is vacant, every village's idiot feels the need to proclaim – and when the incumbent wasn't from these parts, the cry is "an Englishman, any Englishman".

There's no problem with the first part. There are strong reasons for a nation to promote its own coaches, but there are stronger reasons to hire the best, even if it means swallowing national pride before it becomes bigotry. You won't have heard many Welsh rugby fans at the 2011 World Cup semi-finals complaining that Warren Gatland was born in New Zealand, not Neath.

Capello led England to two tournaments out of two with extreme efficiency and the highest win percentage since World War II, that psyche-defining epoch by which many on these shores still think the planet is defined. Sven-Göran Eriksson qualified for three successive quarter-finals, a feat unmatched by any England manager (Alf Ramsey's England didn't have to qualify in 1966 and lost their only game at Euro 68).

Contrast that to the last two managers born under the flag. Steve McClaren resigned in shame after failing to reach Euro 2008, while Kevin Keegan – having scraped to Euro 2000 on goal difference and crashed out of the finals at the group stage – resigned with the lowest win percentage of any England manager in history.

And yet to many here and abroad, it seems these little Englanders would rather the country ignore those clever foreign types and get a good old heart-of-oak in charge. These would be the types who still believe Johnny Foreigner learnt a lesson in the 1950s, when those fancy Magyars lost at Wolves because Stan Cullis had the pitch watered so much that the mud seeped over the top of Ferenc Puskas’s boots.

"Wait, you're replacing me with HIM!?"

They'd rather lose with a lionheart – although lions have never been native to England, and while we're at it St George was apparently a Roman soldier also venerated in Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, Egypt, Georgia, Germany, India, Italy, Lebanon, Malta, Ossetia, Palestine, Portugal, Serbia, Spain and the USA.

But in the wider picture, it’s all part of the usual English yo-yoing between managers. Robson’s too old, get a young manager! Taylor’s too introverted, get a people’s champion! Venables is too East End, get an apparently polite chap! Hoddle’s too introverted, get a people’s champion! Keegan’s too passionate, get an ice-man! Eriksson’s too foreign, get an Englishman! McClaren’s too player-ruled, get a disciplinarian!

No one is pretending Capello didn't have his faults: the 2010 World Cup was a fiasco, but he seemed to have learnt from it and led a rejuvenated squad to unbeaten qualification. (Mind you, the only game his England had previously lost was after they had qualified with two games to spare, along the way to racking up Europe’s largest goals-for tally.)

It's also evident that Capello has left most teams, even if successful, feeling somewhat brutalised by his efficiency and crying out for more fun, whatever that means. Real Madrid was the most extreme example: brought in to win the title, he did so and was sacked – twice. There seems something distant, dislikable even, about him – but again, he was brought in as a reaction to the very approachable English failure Steve McClaren.

It has been noted that there seems a certain disconnect between the FA's anti-racist stance and their seemingly populist preference for an English manager. Laudably, even if as window-dressing, they have refused to rule out a foreign manager. And so they should. Even compared to six years ago, in the death by committee that led to McClaren's cocked-up coronation, there seems a scarcity of correctly-passported coaches.

Harry Redknapp is the obvious front-runner, heralded by his mates in the chip papers; but unlike Capello, he's simply not a winner: one FA Cup triumph at Portsmouth, later rendered very hollow indeed by the financial mess the club was getting itself into. An affable also-ran, best known for his keen work in the import and export trade, Redknapp is a self-professed tactical agnostic. Are we really seeing England return to the age of "Get out there and run about a bit"?

Despite the worry over the imminence of the Euros, and the undoubted inconvenience of the sudden succession crisis, the FA have time to shop around. Stuart Pearce is in temporary charge for the imminent friendly against the Netherlands – a game which may just help to show that these continentals can play a bit – there's three clear months until the pre-tournament friendlies.

It should, but doesn't, go without saying that England should get the best man available for the job – or rather jobs: avoiding embarrassment in summer, then building for the future. The FA are commendably open to the idea of a short-term manager being replaced after the Euros, when there would be a considerably wider talent pool to choose from and club managers far easier to coax away.

There’ll be more options in summer, when managers are more freely available. For a start, it seems likely that Jose Mourinho will ride into the Madrid sunset, possibly after his usual second-season title triumph. For now, despite his sabre-rattling threats to leave, there's no way he'll walk away and pass up the chance to usurp Barcelona.

In the meantime, England should hire the man most likely to hit the ground running with the tactical fluidity necessary to get the best out of someone else's team. At the moment, that’s probably Guus Hiddink, who has made winners out of Australia, South Korea and even Phil Scolari's Chelsea.

That said, there’s a deep, sour part of me, one I'm not proud of, that’s tempted to see the FA appoint a hapless English fall-guy caretaker, who’ll sink without trace. Then we can bounce back in the opposite direction – for the good of English football.

RE-RE-WIND: The Crown says 'No, acquit him!'

2012-02-09T16:01:00Z

Wembley, Soccer Aid 2008: It's The Artful Dodger feat. Craig David. Old Knappsy subs on Southampton's finest export (yes, Theo, really)

Get more from the March 2012 issue

2012-02-07T10:30:00Z

It seems like only last week we were singing the praises of the February issue of FourFourTwo, but already the next magazine has hit the shelves – and the March edition is another cracker.

But for those of you who want more than 156 glossy pages of access, insight and fun, here is our monthly 'Further Reading' blog. Once you put down that magazine, see what else we have to offer in relation to the March issue...

ENTER MADRID, EXIT BARÇA
The March issue brings the story of Mourinho's Madrid being poised to topple Pep and pals, but at FourFourTwo.com we have insight from Spain several times a week. Head on over to our La Liga Loca blog section for regular missives from Tim Stannard on the world's biggest league. Predictions? Reactions? Banners encouraging testicular fortitude? It's all here.

RONALDO v MESSI
Comparing the globe's two best players is a tricky job: Barney Ronay's piece in the magazine was as comprehensive as it was analytical, but sometimes you just need to see the evidence for yourself. Maybe these videos will make you change your mind as to who is better of "the likeable floppy-haired Ewok" and "the balletic machine". Or maybe they'll just reinforce what you already think. Take a look and find out.

RAMIRES & SZCZESNY EXCLUSIVES
We got personal one-on-one time with the big hopes of the two remaining English clubs in the Champions League: Ramires of Chelsea and Wojciech Szczesny of Arsenal. Unfortunately we have no video of the Polish stopper's dad decking Roberto Mancini, but you can see why he and 'The Blue Kenyan' (or 'Rambo', depending where you're based) are so crucial to the pair of Londoners' hopes in these videos:

EUROPEAN BATTLE PLANS
We've got the tactical lowdown on how English teams can ensure they fare well in the Champions League and Europa League knockouts, but where are you going to get analysis on their opposition? In our extensive Blogs section, that's where! We have local experts spread right across Europe – and beyond – so if you want nous on Napoli or musings on Milan, views on Valencia or dirt on the Dutch champions, see what the men in the know have to say.

Elsewhere, Professor Champions League himself will be watching every game, quill in hand, ready to scribble off another fascinating blog on the world's premier club competition.

And that's not all: the FourFourTwo Stats Zone app is now just 69p for the Champions League, so if you want to be an armchair analyst, you know what to do (erm, buy the app).

EURO 2012 ENGLAND SQUAD PREDICTOR
We're going to take a punt here and guess that you disagreed with our predicted 23-man England squad in the magazine. Hey, it's fine: after all, there are so many contenders. Read who they are, as well as the updated list, in our latest Euro 2012 England Squad Predictor blog – and tell us what you think in the comments section, on Facebook or on Twitter.

CLUB FOCUS: PARIS SAINT-GERMAIN
We take a look in the March issue at wannabe superclub Paris Saint-Germain, in the first of our new series going inside the world's most fascinating teams. Back in December on FourFourTwo.com, editor of The Football Diaries Stuart Coleman explained why PSG's revival is good for the whole of French football. Vive la révolution!

ONE-ON-ONE: DENIS LAW
In this issue's One-on-One, where footballing legends answer your questions, Denis Law 'struggles to remember' his worst defeat with Scotland, losing 9-3 to the old enemy. Here's a video that might jog his memory...

Of course, it's a myth that Law's backheel relegated his beloved Manchester United in 1973, but it was still a massive moment in his life. Here it is, for any young whippersnappers reading:

Here are some much happier moments for the Lawman, becoming a hero in Manchester apparently to music by a bunch of Liverpudlians. Well, you can't have everything.

GREAT GOALS RETOLD: JURGEN KLINSMANN
As you might expect, it's another cracker in our Great Goals Retold series: legendary striker Jurgen Klinsmann showing why he was all the rage with a scintillating strike for Stuttgart against Bayern Munich in 1987. Check out the video to go with his words, for as sublime a move ending with an overhead kick as you're ever likely to see.

MESSI'S COUSIN
It's never easy living in somebody's shadow, so feel for Maxi Biancucchi, footballer for Olimpia in Paraguay – and Lionel Messi's cousin. But for one moment Maxi was king of the world, and here's why. Leo would be proud.

NON-LEAGUE TO PREMIER LEAGUE
We also talk to four top-flight players who have lived the modern-day football fairy tale: coming up from the non-leagues to play in the Premier League. So non-league, in fact, that the internet has no videos of their lesser-known exploits. Enjoy instead these tasters of Chris Smalling, Steve Morison, Carl Jenkinson and Michael Kightly playing for their Premier League clubs – Kightly in a pre-season friendly between the selling club and his buyers, Gray's Athletic and Wolverhampton Wanderers...

FFT TRAVEL: NAPLES
Like the look of our footballing guide to Naples in the new issue? Get more from our FourFourTwo travel site, including more reasons why Naples is "Italy turned up to 11". Then fly! Go on, what's stopping you?

PERFECT XI: ROBERT PIRES
If you enjoyed Bobby P's line-up of the best players he ever shared a pitch with, you'll probably like our archive of Perfect XIs online. For all you Gooners, here's Ian Wright waxing lyrical about Paolo Maldini's good looks; for all you Frenchmen, here's Eric Cantona on Rene Higuita being "a great keeper"; and for all you Arsenal-loving Frenchies, we also have Emmanuel Petit on his brave decision to appoint joint-managers.

We're constantly updating our archive too, so keep your homepage locked on our Interviews section for more access from FourFourTwo's 17 and a bit years.

ACTION REPLAY: HEREFORD v NEWCASTLE, 1972
It wouldn't be the March 2012 edition of FourFourTwo without recognition of the all-time most famous upset's 40-year anniversary. To go with your nostalgia and magazine feature, have some highlights of the Bulls' incredible victory, including a fan in a tree:

FFT'S NEW POSTER BOY
We're big fans of Steve Welsh, creator of football art website miniboro.com, around here: his posters are all over our office. Hopefully, if the Upfront article didn't already, this should explain why.

REFFIN' HELL!
In Planet Football this month you can read about some of the most extraordinary things ever happen to a match official. Now you can see them too! Here is evidence we didn't just make up a bunch of incredible tales; these videos make you wonder who would ever want to be a ref...

Ref does runner from drunk Dane

Wheely annoyed Dutchman lets rip

When players get a bit too friendly

Solution: get on the booze yourself

ONE CARDBOARD CAT & 2,000 PHANTOM FANS
Intrigued by our story from Germany, about Hansa Rostock fans reacting to a stadium ban against Dynamo Dresden by smuggling in cardboard cut-outs? Then have your curiosity piqued by these extra snaps. Not only did the nearly empty arena feature a two-dimensional cat, but these fake fans as well. Bizarre...

PERFORMANCE
Let's not forget we have a really rather wonderful Performance website as well as the monthly magazine section. For more on what you've learnt from the March issue, check out the following.

Want more tips on being a striker after Michael Owen's tips on positioning? Read Jermain Defoe's six-step guide to striking and Darren Bent's tips on being a maestro of movement.

Want more on structuring a training session? We have a whole Performance section dedicated to training, so get your guidance from us.

Want more on how to defend like an icon after Franco Baresi's masterclass? Try these tasty tips from modern pros and Manchester United team-mates Nemanja Vidic and Rio Ferdinand.

Want more on recovery on top of the benefits of chocolate milk for post-match recovery? We have plenty of recovery guides in our section dedicated to just that.

Want more on how music can help your all-round football game having read Judge Jules' soundtrack to your season? Put on your giant headphones and immerse yourself in music to improve your performance.

Happy reading.

Like what you see? Subscribe now and nab yourself a special offer!

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor - 06/02/12

2012-02-06T15:30:00Z

Wondering who'll be in the England squad for the summer's inevitably successful jaunt to Poland and Ukraine? So is Fabio Capello, if this morning's papers are to be believed.

Fortunately, we've had a sit down in a quiet room and have come up with a list of how things stand at present - most likely to travel at the top, those at risk of missing out towards the bottom...

Key:
▲ = moving up
▼ = moving down
■ = non mover
● = new entry

1 Joe Hart ■
Unrivaled No.1 and the key to defensive stability (hopefully)

2 Wayne Rooney ■
Still the most dangerous player, though less so when banned

3 Ashley Cole ■
A cert: Capello’s Mr Reliable, even if club form has been patchy

4 Scott Parker ▲
Never-say-die attitude rubs off on everyone around him

5 Steven Gerrard ●
Fit and firing: Rooney’s stand-in for France and Sweden?

6 John Terry ▼
Stripped of the captaincy, but still certain to be in Fabio's plans

7 James Milner ■
Work-rate and versatility make him the ideal utility player for any 23

8 Gary Cahill ▲
Will look to build an understanding with new club-mate Terry

9 Gareth Barry ▼
Efficient if unspectacular, a staple of Fabio's squads since day one

10 Leighton Baines ■
Unproven but solid understudy in a position with few options

11 Theo Walcott ▲
Capello favourite. Form a worry, but explosive pace still a weapon

12 Daniel Sturridge ▲
Has forced his way in at Chelsea and is aiming for the same with England

13 Danny Welbeck ▲
Form with Manchester United has seen him overtake Darren Bent

14 Joleon Lescott ▲
Consistent Man City form makes him a reliable alternative

15 Stewart Downing ▼
Must do more to secure place (and that's just with Liverpool...)

16 Jack Wilshere ▼
Should still make it despite suffering an injury setback

17 Ashley Young ▼
Injury sees him slip down the international pecking order

18 Frank Lampard ■
Invaluable source of goals when it matters in the big games

19 Glen Johnson ▼
Capello’s go-to right-back, but under threat from Kyle Walker

20 Scott Carson ■
A long way behind Joe Hart, but there aren't too many options left

21 Darren Bent ▼
On the bench for now, but form in qualifying stands him in good stead

22 Phil Jones ▼
Standing has slipped after a few shaky defensive performances

23 Ben Foster ●
Could he be tempted out of his self-imposed exile?

Close contenders

David Stockdale has enjoyed an extended run in the Fulham goal, and Capello would be buoyed to see his the keeper playing, especially given the effect regular football has had for the confidence and development of Kyle Walker, as he continues to play a part in Tottenham's tentative title push. Adam Johnson finds himself on the other end of the spectrum as Roberto Mancini has persisted with an improved Samir Nasri, when it looked like Johnson could jump ahead of the former Arsenal man. Chris Smalling is still out with glandular fever, but it's no secret that Capello admires his composure and comfort at right-back. So much so, that he has refrained from picking Micah Richards in previous squads, despite the Manchester City defender's barn-storming displays from that very position. Jermain Defoe led the line well against Manchester City – grabbing himself a goal – but his late miss would have tipped the balance further towards Bent and the more versatile Welbeck and Sturridge.

Bubbling under

Everton's Phil Jagielka and Jack Rodwell are a couple of weeks away from fitness. Given the size of David Moyes' squad, both will be find themselves back in action as soon as Everton look to push on into the top half of the table, and turn Capello's head. Aaron Lennon has continued to display his aptitude on both flanks but never seems far from an injury, while Tom Cleverley will be a welcome boost to both club and country as he is set to return next week and assist Manchester United teammate Michael Carrick, who has been in inspired form over the last two months. Bobby Zamora’s shift to (a bit more) West London has started well with a goal on his QPR debut against Wolves, but one wonders whether Capello really thinks he is capable of leading the line for England in a major tournament.

Outside bets

Andy Carroll hardly grabbed his chance to nail down a starting place with club or country during Suarez’s eight-game absence, but he has at least resembled a footballer in the last few games (he even scored a goal, y'know...). Gabriel Agbonlahor's form has curtailed after an impressive start, but Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain seems to be going from strength to strength, after exciting outings against Manchester United and Blackburn – his technical ability and decision-making a particular treat. Leon Britton anyone? The key cog in Swansea’s engine room (do engines have cogs?) who looks unperturbed by the ever so frantic Premier League. The Wandsworth Xavi – possibly England’s?

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor: January

Heroes & Villains: A silky Cisse, a silly Cisse and an honourable exit

2012-02-06T12:44:00Z

RESULTS (click team name for web-wide club news feed) Sat 4 Feb Arsenal 7-1 Blackburn Rovers; Norwich City 2-0 Bolton Wanderers; Queens Park Rangers 1-2 Wolverhampton Wanderers; Stoke City 0-1 Sunderland; West Bromwich Albion 1-2 Swansea City; Wigan Athletic 1-1 Everton; Manchester City 3-0 Fulham Sun 5 Feb Newcastle United 2-1 Aston Villa; Chelsea 3-3 Manchester United (Mon 6 Feb 8pm Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur)

HEROES

Arsenal
This was exactly the statement Arsene Wenger wanted from his players, who served Blackburn with a Baltic blast of revenge in the Saturday lunchtime game. Blackburn were a shambles but Arsenal were every bit as good as their opponents were awful in this brutal seven-shade kicking.

We may not have seen too much of the football that made the Gunners so popular in Wenger’s tenure so far this season but this was vintage Arsenal with heroes all over the pitch. Theo Walcott played like a man who knows Gervinho is soon back from the Africa Cup of Nations and Alex Song continued to advance his reputation as so much more than a defensive linchpin with his assist for Van Persie’s first goal particularly impressive.

In a tournament year there’s usually an exciting young player who makes a late charge to the England squad, and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain might just be the latest. It was a performance of the highest quality from Oxlade-Chamberlain, who looks to have settled straight in to life at the Emirates.

But it wasn’t all about AOC as Arsenal’s fellow triple-initialled frontman yet again proved to be Arsenal’s hero with another hat-trick. What, just the three this time, RVP?

Martin O'Neill
Five wins in their last six games for Sunderland – and more importantly, three successive Heroes nominations. It’s the stuff of modern folklore that the Britannia Stadium is a place from which even title-chasers are grateful to escape with a point and their ambitions intact. For Sunderland to go there and take maximum points says so much about the spirit and desire their manager has instilled in his short time there.

The conditions at Stoke were as inhospitable as the atmosphere, making this smash-and-grab win – they had one shot on target – all the more satisfying for the Black Cats’ faithful. Top of the form league over the 10-game period since O'Neill took over, Sunderland have gone from 16th to eighth place under the Ulsterman. Having gained 22 points from a possible 30, they sit just seven points off fifth-placed Arsenal; with 14 games to go, perhaps it’s not even too giddy for Sunderland fans to start dreaming of Europe.

Sir Alex Ferguson
Three goals down at Chelsea, there was a real danger that Manchester United would lose more than just points. After their September humiliation by Manchester City it took the champions some time to recover their fluency, and it was looking like another period of reflection for Sir Alex Ferguson… until Wayne Rooney’s penalty pulled them back from the brink.

Under the circumstances this wasn't two points lost but one gained. United have their manager to thank for their incredible powers of rejuvenation – these players know phoned-in performances are unacceptable – but also their tactical fluidity: each of his three substitutions subtly but winningly changed their ever-attacking formation.

Although they may have ridden their luck, once the champions had a goal back the comeback always looked a possibility. Ferguson will be delighted to end the week a point closer to the noisy neighbours and with one of his hardest remaining assignments fulfilled in inspiring fashion (no, not the polo-neck).

Manchester City
Normal service resumed for Mancini’s men. Only the wintry conditions separated this performance from one of City’s autumnal annihilations but they were helped on their way by an early penalty which understandably enraged Fulham. Adam Johnson is a better professional than his 10th-minute Bambi act suggested: while Chris Baird did make contact with the winger, he was already on his way to ground before Mike Dean pointed to the spot.

Roberto Mancini will be most pleased with Sergio Aguero, back to his scintillating best after a couple of quiet weeks, and most especially a clean sheet in the captain’s absence. After a shaky spell during Vincent Kompany’s four-game ban, Stefan Savic couldn’t have asked for a more comfortable reintroduction to the City defence: he won all five of his aerial duels, although Clint Dempsey’s aerial prowess is hardly the stuff of legends. Clear again at the top, City need to rack up the points in this, their final gentle run of fixtures before the all-important run-in.

Papiss Demba Cisse
The perfect debut for Newcastle's new No.9. It was perhaps not the cleanest of contacts on the volley – a fraction later and it would have seemed a wild slash – but Alan Pardew won’t mind as the competition for places at St James' Park really hots up.

Mick McCarthy
The midweek villain secured three vital points at QPR as Wolves ended a poor run of form. Knives were being sharpened at Molineux after Tuesday's disappointing defeat to Liverpool, giving the Yorkshire Irishman a sleepless night with “McCarthy out” ringing in his ears.

There’s no doubt Wanderers were granted a slice of luck at Loftus Road with Djibril Cisse's 34th-minute dismissal (McCarthy: "You know my sentiments towards football now: that wouldn't have been a sending-off when I played") but Wolves reacted more smartly to the situation. At half-time McCarthy swapped defender Richard Stearman for striker Kevin Doyle, whose winner sets Wolves up nicely for Sunday's derby with West Brom.

QPR have now dropped a league-high 15 points from winning positions while Wolves have recovered 13 points from losing positions – more than any other team. McCarthy out?

Norwich City
Even the most deluded Norwich fans must have been ready to write off Saturday's game against Bolton after losing both centre-halves to first-half injuries. Daniel Ayala and Zak Whitbread have already proved to be canny acquisitions for Paul Lambert, who described this 2-0 win as the best of his three seasons in charge. "That was as good as I've ever seen us play," a delighted Lambert said at full-time. "The effort and the desire the players showed was absolutely brilliant”.

Brendan Rodgers
It’s difficult to praise Swansea without patronising, but the side no-one gave a prayer in August – unless of course they abandoned their footballing principles – are now within 10 points of the 40-point safety mark, making a Blackpool-style collapse less likely by the week. Moreover, that's now two wins in three league trips for a team already pretty impregnable at home.

For Swansea’s manager, the Mourinho-protégé tag is also starting to come loose as Rodgers continues to cement a reputation for being his own man with his own footballing philosophy, which is becoming as effective as it is attractive.

Gael Givet
If only every player could react as professionally as the Blackburn Rovers defender when he was given his marching orders. In a time when players and managers are finding it increasingly difficult to take responsibility for their actions, Givet’s lack of protest and resigned apology to Arsene Wenger as he departed was so refreshing, even if it was an ugly challenge that preceded it. Perhaps he just sensed the thrashing coming toward his team like a bank of snow-bearing cloud.

VILLAINS

Andre Villas-Boas
When Chelsea went 3-0 up against Manchester United it looked like Andre Villas-Boas was giving a lesson to a visiting manager twice his age. Sir Alex Ferguson had brought on Javier Hernandez and was readying Paul Scholes when Wayne Rooney made it 3-1 in the 58th minute.

This was no time for Villas-Boas to panic but a United onslaught was inevitable and it was the perfect opportunity to bring on Oriel Romeu to shore up Chelsea’s midfield. AVB dithered and only made the substitution when Rooney struck again, by which point Chelsea had sacrificed their momentum and were made to pay for their manager’s indecisiveness.

Villas-Boas is still very much trying to step out of the ample shadow of Jose Mourinho, whose decisive substitutions are remembered fondly at Stamford Bridge. It’s easy to forget that Villas-Boas has only been a manager for three years; perhaps that inexperience showed on Sunday.

Perhaps the 34-year-old can't be judged fairly until he has completed a very necessary overhaul of an ageing squad. The question is whether he will be given time to complete that job, given Mourinho's PR machine had used the back page of Friday's Sun to offer his special services again next season.

Chris Baird
The Fulham full-back can count himself extremely lucky to miss out on a nightmare hat-trick at the Etihad. As if his concession of a penalty and an own goal weren’t enough, Baird’s scissor tackle on Edin Dzeko was the perfect demonstration of how to beat your buddies to the bathtub. Late, high and from behind, it was generously deemed only cautionable by Mike Dean – just about the only generosity Fulham received on an otherwise miserable evening in Manchester.

Roy Hodgson
It speaks volumes about the division's stragglers that West Brom are still six points clear of the drop zone; it says everything about the Baggies' own form that they might not keep that cushion for long. Having won one and lost four of their seven games since Christmas, Hodgson's side are sliding down the table; down to 15th, they're now the nearest targets for the bottom five.

QPR's heavy investment and new manager could well mean they overhaul the five-point difference between the clubs, while West Brom's local rivals Wolves could cut the gap to two with a home win in Sunday's derby; after that, the Baggies face in-form Sunderland, Chelsea and Manchester United.

After Swansea left The Hawthorns with all three points and West Brom with the joint worst home record, Hodgson spoke worriedly about losing the support of the home fans. Perhaps he'd better worry about losing the support of chairman Jeremy Peace, who pulled the trigger on Roberto di Matteo a year ago this week.

Roger Johnson, Djibril Cisse & Mark Clattenburg
It was probably harsh of Clattenburg to send off Cisse, who has suffered two nasty leg-breaks. However, there’s no doubt that the French striker’s reaction to Roger Johnson’s challenge gave the referee an excuse to dismiss the Lord of the Manor of Frodsham: when you raise your hands and place them on an opponent’s neck there’s always a risk of seeing red.

With the debate on dangerous tackles continuing to rage, Johnson can count himself extremely lucky to escape dismissal himself for what was an ugly two-footed tackle. It was a match-defining red card and the Rs will have every reason to feel aggrieved that Clattenburg may have got the wrong guy.

That white polo-neck
Sir Alex Ferguson is hardly a fashionista, but the polo-neck shirt he graced upon arriving at the King's Road set Twitter ablaze. Fashionistas up and down the land pondered if Sir Alex was making a late run to be the first James Bond from Govan, or perhaps driving to Dundee in a Vauxhall Vectra loaded with Toblerone. Whatever it was, stick with the grey overcoat in future, Alex.

DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! City players love that there Superbowl

2012-02-03T15:39:00Z

Manchester City’s players took time away from their preparations for Saturdays match with Fulham to indulge in what the Americans call ‘football.’

Ahead of Sunday’s Super Bowl between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots, two members of City’s de-fence – NFL fans Joleon Lescott and Micah Richards - kitted themselves out at the club’s Carrington training ground, to show their support for the teams who will do battle this weekend in Indianapolis.

Lescott is a Patriots supporter while Richards favours the Giants, so to make sure things didn’t get too heated between the City team-mates, the ever-disciplined Nigel De Jong stepped in as referee.

England defender Lescott will be a keen viewer on Sunday night; "I got into NFL from a really young age, a good friend of mine was into it in a big way because his dad was from America and a Miami Dolphins fan."

Richards said "I got into it through a mate because I was more into basketball," before adding "It’s a lot more physical than our game and a genuine contact sport, but it looks like quite a cool sport and it’s something I can see myself really getting into in the future."

Tough-tackling midfielder De Jong is no doubt a fan of the robust nature of the game; "I’ve been into NFL for about five years now. We have mutual friends out in the States who follow the sport and I’ve been watching it on TV for a few years now and I’ve really got into it."

Lescott says he might play Gridiron in the future; "The NFL guys are very agile and quick and they put a lot of hard work into their game. I’d definitely like to give it a go when my playing career ends – whether I’m any good or not remains to be seen!"

We’re not yet sure if Lescott, Richards and De Jong will douse ‘Coach Mancini’ in Gatorade, should they win the Premier League title, though...

By Steven Toplis

Pearce's shower scene and Maradona's fingerprints

2012-02-03T14:23:00Z

In the new FourFourTwo – out now, folks – we profile the work of Middlesbrough fan and artist Steve Welsh. A former cartoonist for iconic fanzine Fly Me To The Moon, Welsh set up MiniBoro.com to collate interviews but also to showcase his art. And we should all be glad.

Far from being Boro-centric, the site celebrates cult heroes from around the world and across the decades. Welsh's often simple yet brilliantly executed images tend to concentrate on a well-known aspect of a player or team and play with the visual iconography – so Stuart Pearce is celebrated with an image of the blood circling out of the shower in Hitchcock's Psycho, while Edgar Davids is represented as a pitbull with the simple byelaw-quoting 'no fouling'.

While their opponents had their half-time oranges Celtic's 1967 European Cup-winning 'Lisbon Lions' would obviously eat raw meat, and Maradona's complex relationship with the English psyche is summed up with the legend 'tainted love' and a fingerprinted football.

FourFourTwo's current favourite – and Welsh's images adorn the office walls at FFT Towers – is the first one below, dedicated to erstwhile Boro assistant manager Viv Anderson. The right-back is often pigeon-holed as 'England's first black international' but the MiniBoro illustration resembles an Ishihara colour-blindness test.

See below for all those images plus more dedicated to Carlos Valderrama, Socrates, Terry Butcher, Norman Hunter and Sheffield United. Welsh has produced dozens of images, perusable at MiniBoro.com and available to buy as prints, framed prints and stretched canvases.

What else is in the new issue?

Heroes & Villains: Missing millions, a good ref and a hapless handcuffer

2012-02-02T12:35:00Z

Midweek delight and derision from Mark Booth, with a little bonus moaning at the end from Gary Parkinson...

RESULTS (click team name for web-wide club news feed) Tue Jan 31 Everton 1-0 Manchester City; Manchester United 2-0 Stoke City; Swansea City 1-1 Chelsea; Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Wigan Athletic; Wolverhampton Wanderers 0-3 Liverpool Wed Feb 1 Aston Villa 2-2 Queens Park Rangers; Bolton Wanderers 0-0 Arsenal; Sunderland 3-0 Norwich City; Fulham 1-1 West Bromwich Albion; Blackburn Rovers 0-2 Newcastle United

HEROES

Manchester United
The champions were the big winners of this midweek round of fixtures after easily seeing off the challenge of Stoke City. Now level with their neighbours at the top of the Premier League, United are moving into what is historically their favourite period of the season. With all the talk surrounding United’s lack of spending, it was a transfer out of Old Trafford that proved to be their most profitable on Tuesday, with Darron Gibson’s goal against Manchester City giving his former boss reason to smile over his bottle of plonk.

There was nothing particularly memorable about this efficient dispatch of Tony Pulis’ Stoke, who continued their poor run against the big boys with this 2-0 defeat. City cling on to top spot through goal difference, but Sir Alex Ferguson will feel the momentum is very much with his team and the neutrals rejoice as one of the tightest title races for years maintains its ebb and flow.

Everton
Everton were arguably the big winners of this year’s low-key transfer window, bringing in the natural finisher they’ve been crying out for in Jelavic, being reunited with Steven Pienaar on loan and, most crucially in this fixture, taking Darron Gibson off the Old Trafford scrapheap.

The contrast between the costs of the playing squads on show could barely have been greater, yet it was Everton who prevailed, displaying the kind of grit that characterises David Moyes’ tenure on Merseyside. A makeshift defensive pairing of Tony Hibbert and John Heitinga limited City to just a handful of clear-cut chances and Maraoune Fellaini worked tirelessly to suppress the creative artistry of David Silva and Samir Nasri.

The frustration for the Everton faithful is that they can drop points against teams like Blackburn, who got a draw in the last game at Goodison – perhaps explaining why Tuesday's attendance was only the second sub-30,000 league gate in Moyes' decade at the club. With their new reinforcements there is at last reason to believe there are brighter, more consistent times ahead for the Toffees.

Tottenham
It's as you were in the title race, as if the cruel defeat at the Etihad Stadium never happened: Spurs climb back to within five points of the summit. It was a particularly convincing performance from Tottenham, who needed a reaction after dropping five points in the last two Premier League games.

Harry Redknapp clinched the loan signing of Louis Saha on the final day of the transfer window and if he can stay fit, he could play a vital role as understudy to Emmanuel Adebayor. Against Wigan, it was again that prolific midfield coming up with the goods, including one beautiful individual effort from Gareth Bale. If Adebayor and Saha can find the back of the net on a consistent basis, perhaps Tottenham could find themselves in a title race after all.

Sunderland
If the Sunderland board were ever in any doubt as to whether they made the right decision in replacing Steve Bruce with Martin O’Neill, these reservations were seen off in convincing style on Wednesday night. Norwich were on a six-match unbeaten run before they made the trip up to the Stadium of Light but former Canaries boss Martin O’Neill has got the Black Cats doing the simple things well again and their ascent of the league table continues in style.

Frazier Campbell netted his first Premier League goal in 17 months and Stéphane Sessègnon maintained his excellent recent form to put Sunderland eighth in the table – a quite remarkable turnaround even by O’Neill’s high standards.

Andy Carroll
At times the criticism levelled at the 23-year old has crossed the line into something resembling glee and completely out of perspective for a young man trying to find his way at a big club. This dog’s abuse was silenced on the anniversary of his deadline day £35m move from Newcastle as he weighed in with a poacher’s goal which was the highlight of an encouraging Liverpool display.

Dalglish originally hoped that Carroll could work in tandem with the returning Luis Suarez, and there’s at least a suggestion that these hopes could be rekindled if this spirited performance at Wolves was anything to go by.

Chris Foy
Referees rarely get the headlines for getting decisions right, but Chris Foy deserves a mention after spotting the slightest of fingertips from Wojech Szczęsny in the last seconds at the Reebok Stadium on Wednesday night. Without that brush of glove it was the clearest penalty you’ll ever see as the Arsenal keeper took out Bolton's Mark Davies. Foy did spot it and the 0-0 stalemate was sealed – much to the ire of Owen Coyle, who missed it like the rest of us mere mortals.

VILLAINS

Manchester City
How Roberto Mancini must dread his trips to Merseyside. The Italian shouldered the blame for City’s toothless showing at Goodison Park, claiming to have underestimated Everton. If this was an exercise in taking the pressure off his players, it was misplaced given City’s miserable record in this fixture.

Outfought and bereft of ideas to break Everton’s resolve, this City side was a shadow of the outfit that romped through the league in autumn. After Darron Gibson delighted in opening the scoring against his previous team's cross-town rivals, there was nothing to be seen from David Silva, Samir Nasri, Sergio Aguero, Edin Dzeko – £125m of players went missing, more than any dog's Monaco bank account, making the absence of Yaya Toure in City’s midfield all the more obvious.

The truth is that City haven’t been at their sparkling best on a consistent basis since their air of invincibility was taken at Chelsea in December. Teams seemed to have worked out how to play against them, with the Martin O’Neill formula particularly popular: sit deep in numbers, invite City on, frustrate them and break with pace. If the oft-touted ‘form of champions’ is winning games ugly, surely dominating games and losing is the form of runners-up.

David Dunn
Blackburn can consider themselves unlucky to see Newcastle leave Ewood Park with all three points. It could have been so different for Steve Kean’s men had they not conceded a desperately unlucky own goal and had David Dunn converted the 43rd-minute penalty.

If that spot-kick had levelled the match, Blackburn may have picked up at least a point in their quest for survival; as it was, Tim Krul saved David Dunn's effort and as Blackburn chased the game Gabriel Obertan punished them on the break. Newcastle beat Rovers for the third time in four months and kept Kean's men in the bottom three.

Mick McCarthy
The pressure is mounting on the Wolves boss after a bad night against Liverpool at Molineux. The first of the dreaded “McCarthy out” bed-sheets made an appearance in the stands; in the mixed zone, with typical Yorkshire honesty, he took the blame for the defeat; and in the dressing-room he witnessed club owner Steve Morgan barge in to tear a strip off the underperforming Wanderers.

In the past Wolves have been guilty of failing to beat the teams around them and only a neat line in giantkilling has kept them out of trouble. With their powers of upsetting the odds starting to elude them, McCarthy needs to find some points – starting at QPR on Saturday – or the words on those scrawled bed sheets will soon find their way onto Wolves’ letterheaded paper.

Benoît Assou-Ekotto
Tottenham’s full-back will receive no punishment for his horror tackle on Franco di Santo on Tuesday night. Yet again this glaring flaw in the FA’s justice system has been brought to the light as referee Lee Probert admitted to seeing the challenge but decided to take no action, making the FA powerless to step in and land Assou-Ekotto with a deserved three-match ban. Football managers crying out for consistency in decisions on dangerous tackles are left to tear their hair out – a job that would take a while with Benoît's bouncing bouffant.

Deadline day
It seemed that the small matter of the football only conspired to get in the way of Sky’s now traditional deadline day song and dance. Jim White, the yellow ticker and Big Ben couldn’t save this deadline day which proved to be something of a damp squib as a new-found austerity gripped the Premier League.

Match of the Day
Speaking of TV and deadlines, the BBC's flagship football programme was inexplicably scheduled to started half an hour before the 11pm window-slam, when most fans were hopefully (or fearfully) scanning rolling news, websites, forums and Twitter.

Furthermore, with half the Premier League teams not in action until the following evening, you have to ask why the midweek edition wasn't on the Wednesday: fans of Arsenal, Aston Villa, Blackburn, Bolton, Fulham, Newcastle, QPR and West Brom won't get their licence fee's worth. There wasn't even the consolation bone-throw of a Match of the Day 2 with keen Colin and his chums – who, while we're on the moanbox, frequently put far more effort into their analysis than the main-show regulars. – GP

Handcuffs
Putting the boring adult hat on, people entering the field of play is a definite no-no, and although handcuffing yourself to the goalpost might deserve points for originality, the Liverpool fan protesting against his daughter's dismissal by Ryanair is hardly equivalent to emancipation-chasing suffragettes chaining themselves to 10 Downing Street. Nobody likes to see people losing their jobs but with youth unemployment reaching 21% and topping a million, if we're to have handcuffings for every jobless young person we're gonna need a lot of goalposts. – GP

In the new issue: Real Madrid, Barcelona, PSG, Man United, Southport...

2012-02-01T11:18:00Z

The evenings are slowly getting lighter and the Champions League knockout stages are inching closer. But right now, the FourFourTwo March edition is on the shelves – and do we have a story for you...

Could this be the season the tide turns in La Liga? Jose Mourinho may already be getting itchy feet, but he won’t leave a job unfinished and usually wins the league in his second season – which means Barcelona are in trouble. This month, FourFourTwo brings you unique insight into the greatest battle in modern football, and how Real Madrid may finally take Barça’s crown.

With two great sides going to war, perhaps England’s best hope is that they destroy each other. But don’t despair! We’ve put together a definitive battle plan for every English side in Europe on how they can beat their opponents. Using Stats Zone analysis and local knowledge, FourFourTwo has the masterplans to lead England to continental glory – plus interviews with star players Ramires and Wojciech Szczesny.

Elsewhere in Europe, there’s a revolution going on. Paris Saint-Germain look set to be the world’s new superclub, leading the league by a distance and backed by Qatari coffers and multimillion-pound signings. In the first of our new Club Focus series, we delve deeper to find out the full story, starring Leonardo, Ancelotti, Platini and more.

Our latest One-on-One is another cracker: none other than Denis Law. The Manchester legend talks City, United and how he played with only one eye. And yes, he was playing golf when England won the World Cup...

Would you paint your house in your club colours? How about your car? OK, then – would you quit your job and fly 10,000 miles to see your team lose 5-0? Thought not. We speak to the nutters who’ve done it all out of love for their club.

But enough of the big boys: as usual, FourFourTwo also gets down and dirty. First, we send our travelling trouper to the nastiest, most spiteful derby in the North West. That’s right: Fleetwood Town vs Southport. With the seaside pair both battling to gain Football League status, a double-header presented a perfect opportunity to see why they hate each so much.

While we’re on the subject of non-league, we ask a handful of Premier League players just how they went from part-time park football to walking out at Wembley. Chris Smalling, Steve Morison, Carl Jenkinson and Michael Kightly have all made the transition from non-league to the Premier League – now they tell us how.

Of course, we couldn’t ignore the 40th anniversary of the biggest Bulls hit ever: Ronnie Radford's Rocket for Hereford against Newcastle. The greatest FA Cup giantkilling ever is retold by those who were there, from narked Newcastle players to happy Hereford fans, and a few coppers who turned the other cheek to a certain pitch invasion.

And that’s not all. Elsewhere in the March issue we analyse this season’s Premier League substitutions to reveal which managers know what they’re doing and which are making it up as they go along.

Michel Salgado informs us why Thierry Henry and Paul Scholes’ comebacks could never happen in La Liga, Barney Ronay investigates the Messi v Ronaldo duel for spectators’ hearts, and we’ve interviews with David Trezeguet on moving to Argentina and Franco Baresi on how to make defending look easy.

Frankly, it’s difficult to work out how we managed to fit it all in.

The March issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by: Denis Law, Johnny Giles, Jurgen Klinsmann, Michael Owen, Chris Smalling, Richard Lee, Ricky George, Ronnie Radford, Milan Baros, Dean Howell, Wojciech Szczesny, Neil Warnock, David Keyte, Colin Addison, Franco Baresi, Wayne Routledge, Carl Jenkinson, Manuel Preciado, Steve Morison, Nigel Martyn, Judge Jules, John Motson, Robert Pires, Michael Kightly, Malcolm MacDonald, Patrick Vieira, Ramires, Michel Salgado, David Trezeguet, Leo Messi’s cousin, the footballer with no nationality and Italy’s Subbuteo Ultras.

Tell me more...

Get more from the February 2012 issue

2012-01-25T11:46:00Z

So you've finished the February 2012 issue – on sale now – and you're thinking, "Well, that was a good read – but you know what? I want more." We hear you, brother/sister.

Take a look, then, at our monthly 'Further Reading' blog. Because sometimes, transsexual internationals, Sir Alex Ferguson and football's greatest conman just aren't enough...

FERGIE'S BIGGEST CHALLENGE
In our unparalleled 12-page feature, we look at what the future holds for one of the game's greatest ever managers. But let's not forget his past.

We've set up a special in-depth section of FourFourTwo.com dedicated to Sir Alex, including a detailed look into his 25 years at Old Trafford, a classic, fascinating exclusive interview with the Scot after his 1999 Treble triumph and his best ever Manchester United XIs. And for those of you who aren't fans of his, we've even recounted his 10 darkest moments.

Don't miss our gallery, either, of every trophy won by Ferguson during his reign at Manchester United.

AFRICA CUP OF NATIONS SPECIAL
We've not one but two magazines for you this month, with a 23-page ACoN mini-mag on the reverse of your regular read. And even that's not enough to satiate our Africa lust!

From the opening match to the final, we'll be covering the tournament on FourFourTwo.com with regular news updates, a diary from the legendary Jonathan Wilson and insightful analysis with FFT's award-winning Stats Zone, now extended to the ACoN. Don't forget to keep checking our Africa Cup of Nations blog section for the diary, Stats Zone, team guides and more. And hey, want to download Stats Zone for the Africa Cup of Nations yourself? Here's how.

FOURFOURTWO'S 12 FOR 2012
In the February issue FFT picks out a delightful dozen to watch this year, from gaffers to goalscorers, and we interview hotshots Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Rickie Lambert on what 2012 holds for them.

But if you feel mere words aren't enough, check out these tasty videos on the players to keep your eyes on...

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain looked the business against Manchester City, and even at the tender age of 18 he's an outside bet to make the England squad for Euro 2012. Here the winger shows what he's capable of even before he moved to Arsenal:

Speaking of hot young talent, Liverpool's 17-year-old Raheem Sterling looks a bit useful. Could this be the season he gets a crack at the first team in a labouring Reds side?

Moving overseas, it's clear already that Germany have wunderkids in abundance. After a fledgling Mesut Ozil and Sami Khedira (among others) drove their team to an impressive semi-final showing in the 2010 World Cup, another generation is already hot on their heels. Get an idea why everyone is raving about teenage sensation Mario Goetze, the highly sought-after Borussia Dortmund playmaker and Tintin lookalike (even if he is out for two months):

It's a big year for Cristiano Ronaldo, charged with leading Mourinho's Madrid to glory and, most importantly, triumph over Barcelona. Is he up to it? This video-maker says yes:

Back on home shores, it could be a massive 12 months for Edin Dzeko, too. The Bosnian striker may find himself having to take centre stage at Man City more often than first thought, with Sergio Aguero more suited to dropping deep and Mario Balotelli always one second away from a suspension. Here's Dzeko doing what he does best, possibly to the tune of a Justin Timberlake remix (feel free to press the mute button).

Into the Football League, two players to keep tabs on are the much-vaunted Rickie Lambert of Southampton and Jordan Rhodes of Huddersfield. Each seems to be on the verge of a move to the Premier League – here's why:

Young Spaniard Oriel Romeu also has a big year ahead of him at Chelsea. See why the Blues bought him below, then read why they may find it difficult to hold on to him.

THE DEATH OF THE TACKLE
Are the days of the meaty challenge finally over? FFT investigates in the February 2012 issue, and to accompany that we've dug around to find video evidence of some of the best and worst tackles the world of football has ever seen.

First, the worst – featuring Gazza, Keano and some of the dirtiest men outside prison. After seeing these, you'll be thankful these challenges are being outlawed.

But wait: tackling isn't all about fouling. What about when the ball is perfectly snatched away from an attacker's feet? Worship at FourFourTwo.com's defending altar, with our video tribute to the best tackles the world has ever seen, from Bobby Moore to Ledley King.

ONE-ON-ONE: DIETMAR HAMANN
The former German midfielder answers readers' questions in the new issue, but there's also a tricky poser from Pepe Reina, who asks: "You scored some decent goals, but which was your favourite?" Didi opts for two: one for Newcastle against Juventus, and one for Liverpool against Portsmouth. But which do you think is better?

Hamann didn't mind us photographing him making a fool of himself with a Liverpool shirt either. Guess who?

ASK A SILLY QUESTION
And we've plenty more exclusive interviews where that came from. This month it's the turn of Steve McManaman to field nonsensical posers on cavemen and the shape of the transfer window.

If you want more where that came from, head on over to our Interviews section, where we're constantly adding classic interviews from the FourFourTwo archive. We've got One-on-Ones, Perfect XIs and more, including – naturally – some of the very best interviews for Ask A Silly Question. Currently making us cackle in the office is Charlie Nicholas admitting he's jealous of bald people. Check it out.

GREAT GOALS RETOLD: ALLAN RAVN
Enjoy Allan Ravn recounting his belting strike against Manchester United? Want to see the goal in glorious technicolour? Of course you do. Watch the video, read the interview and marvel at the cartoon of the goal. We have more Great Goals Retold besides, too.

EURO 2012 ENGLAND SQUAD PREDICTOR
You can read the 23 players we picked for Capello in the February issue online, but we'll be updating it every month and we want your feedback. Where did we go wrong? Tell us in the comments section, on Facebook or @FourFourTwo on Twitter.

ROMANIA: THE MADDEST PLACE IN FOOTBALL
If you're still wondering why we identified Romania as the place where all the footballing wackos hang out, check out this video of Steaua Bucharest owner Gigi Becali carrying out some impromptu car repairs after being locked out of his £350,000 Maybach:

Not convinced? Here's goalkeeper Remus Danalache protesting a series of decisions against his Vointa Sibiu team in a game against Petrolul Ploeisti. The stroppy stopper turns his back on the penalty, refusing to try and save it. Then when he is forced to face the right way, he still makes no attempt to stop it. Noble, perhaps, but nonetheless bizarre.

FFT TRAVEL: ISTANBUL
Elsewhere in Planet Football this month we profile Istanbul as a footballing tourist destination. The Turkish capital is about more than a Liverpudlian miracle, dontcherknow – as our online Travel guide shows. We've many more city and team guides, too, from Copenhagen to Kiev and Birmingham to Barcelona.

THE GAMES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: ROGER HUNT
Now we've some cracking archive footage for you, to accompany former Liverpool striker, and World Cup winner with England, Roger Hunt telling FourFourTwo about the matches that made him:

PERFORMANCE
Finally, you can find much, much more from FourFourTwo Performance online as well as in the magazine.

In the February 2012 issue, Michael Mancienne gives tips on playing the ball out from the back. Here, Rio Ferdinand gives his own tips on doing just that.

If you want more from the injury clinic, you'll find all you need in our injuries section.

We also have a guide in the magazine on drills to help you leave your marker for dead; online, Newcastle United strength and conditioning coach Duncan French has more drills for speed of foot and change in direction.

And if you're looking for more on shooting after Alan Shearer's guide to hitting the target with power, we have advice from Nani, Frank Lampard, Theo Walcott and more.

Enjoy.

Inside football’s poker pack

2012-01-24T15:54:00Z

Forget the bookies or a game of blackjack at the back of the bus. The modern-day footballer gets his off-field kicks on the felt. For the March 2011 issue, Steve Hill dug out his smartest suit to investigate...

As all but the unobservant will have noticed, poker is everywhere these days. The early noughties boom brought millions of new players to the game, with the convenience and anonymity of online play making it accessible to almost anyone, and bespoke poker rooms springing up in casinos for those who like to play live.

Gambling has been part of football culture for decades, with such apocryphal tales as QPR’s Stan Bowles being spotted in the bookies minutes before kick-off at Loftus Road. The obligatory card school on long coach journeys to and from away games is a staple of the domestic season. So it’s not the greatest leap of logic to think footballers might be interested in poker, particularly those encumbered with huge disposable incomes and swathes of free time.

Indeed, big names such as Andrei Arshavin, Andriy Shevchenko, Francesco Totti and Gigi Buffon even find the time to appear in high-profile card tournaments. These are generally as a result of sponsorship from the major online poker operators, but away from the cameras it is believed that a slew of footballers are regular poker players, either privately online or among themselves.

“There's supposed to be a big Premier League footballer game organised by Teddy Sheringham that a few play in, but names are kept on the QT,” claims PokerPlayer magazine editor Alun Bowden. “You rarely, if ever, see players at live tournaments.”

One player to buck this trend is Manchester United’s Darren Fletcher, who took advantage of Scotland’s absence from the 2010 World Cup to play in the World Series of Poker, the calendar’s marquee event in Las Vegas. It conjures a comical image of a ruddy-faced Sir Alex bundling into the Rio Hotel’s vast Amazon Room, elbowing Texans out of his way in a blur of poker chips, and hauling Fletcher out by the ear, much as he once curtailed Lee Sharpe’s nightclub escapades.

However, Fletcher’s appearance was presumably with his manager’s approval, or at least in the hope that Fergie doesn’t read the PokerStars blog, where Fletcher revealed his hard luck story and early tournament exit. Fletcher also exposed a nascent poker culture at Old Trafford, citing a weekly home game involving Wes Brown, John O’Shea, Jonny Evans and Owen Hargreaves. The mind boggles.

“Poker was a natural progression”
While the majority of poker-playing footballers appear to treat the game recreationally, a couple of former pros in this country are prepared to pit themselves against the world’s best: the aforementioned Sheringham and his former Millwall sidekick Tony Cascarino. While Shezza led the way on the pitch, it was Cascarino who first took to the felt, before introducing his long-term friend to the game.

“It was his fault,” insists Sheringham. “I met Cas at Millwall: that was when I started playing poker. Only on the coach, I was only a bit-player. Cas used to play all the time. It wasn’t until 10 years later that poker became really big in football.”

Cas & Shez hit the green baize

In his short time on the circuit, Sheringham has enjoyed some notable successes, most recently when coming fifth in a tournament in Vilamoura, Portugal, for a payday of €93,121.

His transition from footballer to poker player has been largely seamless. As he says, “I’ve always played cards so it was a natural progression. I play once, twice a week maximum. Every now and then I get weekends off where I can go and play tournaments – Vilamoura, or the Bahamas, which I went to last Christmas. I’m going to try and take in the Aussie Millions tournament next year. A couple of mates are going, so we’ll have a game of golf as well, a bit of fun, a few beers...”

As for his recent success, Sheringham says: “I was pleased I came fifth. Obviously €93,000 is not to be sniffed at. It puts me in a few more tournaments – all the five grands, 10 grands to enter, it pays for a few of them.”

For Cascarino, meanwhile, the poker boom came at just the right time. In his brutally frank autobiography Full Time, the former striker outlines how he played on through the pain barrier as a footballer with no real retirement plan.

When Cascarino did finally hang up his boots, he found himself living in Paris, where he was able to claim a reasonable level of unemployment benefit. “I’d finished, I’d retired. I had nothing to do,” he says, treating FFT to dinner after a recent win.

“I used to go to the Cirque Casino in Paris, and every time I lost I used to punish myself and walk home from the casino instead of getting a 50 francs cab. And I got really fit when I first started playing because I was walking home every f***ing night. I was playing against quality players. Them walk homes was when I really realised I was doing something seriously wrong.

“I lost quite a bit of money the first year and I learned a lot. I always treated that period of my poker as a real lesson as to why there’s luck and skill. Because if you’re relying solely on luck you can’t win at this game.”

Away days: Fulham's Johnny Haynes and Alan Mullery start the school

Cascarino’s progress culminated in a career-best result in 2009, when he won the Grosvenor UK Poker Tour Grand Final, trousering a cool £168,800. “It’s funny because I played in two World Cups and one European Championship as a footballer and I never got that in prize money for qualifying for them tournaments,” he laughs. “So I got more for playing poker – and I didn’t have to share it with anyone!”

Cascarino insists that the thrill from winning at poker is “far better” than scoring a goal. Sheringham, though, isn’t so sure. “Football’s in my blood,” he says. “Since I was a little kid I’ve always wanted to be a footballer, so I wouldn’t compare it to football because it’s very, very different. But I can’t run about anymore so I’ve got to try and find something else that gives me a bit of an adrenalin rush, and poker certainly does that, especially when we’re playing for a lot of money.”

“Fabien Barthez is good, because he's gently mad and has a poker face”
It’s a theme echoed by former Bayern Munich and France right-back Willy Sagnol, who caught the gambling bug as a youngster playing for Monaco. “When you’re a professional in sport you're living every day with this competition context,” he explains. “When you play for so long – like Teddy Sheringham played for more than 20 years – you get a lot of adrenalin on the pitch and you’re looking for that too after your career. There are not a lot of things that can give you this adrenalin rush. Poker is one.”

Sagnol even started installing a card room in his St Tropez villa before moving back to Munich, where he has begun work on a games room that will come with an open invitation to FFT to play him at poker. “Just make sure I’m there – I'll never say no,” he tells us.

Now scouting for Bayern, Sagnol mainly plays poker with friends – including some recent 16-hour sessions in Las Vegas – but has occasionally pitted himself against the pros. “I have played some tournaments, but I'd say poker for me is something very difficult because when you play football you know what to do; you know how to deal with situations normally.

"But with poker it’s something new. When I play in a poker tournament the pressure is bigger than when I was playing football because you’re not used to dealing with it and it’s something completely new. But it’s exciting at the same time.”

Who would you rather owe money to?

Poker isn't as big in Germany as it is in France and England, something Sagnol may have taken advantage of. “In Munich they weren't very good!” he says. “When I didn’t have any money at the end of the month I used to organise a poker game... no, that’s a joke! But at Monaco some players were quite good, like Fabien Barthez. He was good because he was gently mad and he has a poker face too – he can hide every emotion. But at Bayern, the main goal wasn’t to make money. It was to have fun.”

“If you let footballers loose, fortunes are won and lost”
But what happens when it becomes more than a bit of fun? Years ago at the launch of a betting website, ex-frontman and career gambler Steve Claridge relayed the tale of having to kick off at a bleak northern outpost having lost thousands on the horses during the coach journey. Losing cash to your team-mates could provide an even greater psychological minefield – as Claridge attests, having played cards at every club of his career.

“There could be a few hundred won or lost,” he says. “Managers will try and put a cap on it for obvious reasons. Players don’t want it on their mind that they’ve done a week’s wages before a game. Many players are gamblers but you just try and control the card game. If you let lads go loose, fortunes are won and lost. That can be a bit of a problem.”

Unfortunately for Cascarino, that problem came to a head in the Republic of Ireland squad. “My first trip was the [1988] European Championship,” he says. “Liam Brady organised a card school, and after loads of money had been won and lost – and I did win – we got on the plane, at which point Liam said, ‘Forget it. Amnesty. Bets are off.’ I was at Gillingham on two hundred quid a week and I’d won about £1,300, thinking, ‘This is paying for a lovely holiday.’ And I had to swallow it…”

International tournaments appear fertile breeding grounds for poker schools, and as Cascarino and Sagnol both admit, they can be good for team bonding and staving off boredom. “At World Cups and European Championships you’ve got a lot of time to blow. You end up playing loads and loads of cards,” says Cascarino.

Sagnol insists that hours playing poker brought the France team together at the 2006 World Cup. Perhaps England should have played a bit more poker in South Africa? “They didn’t stay long enough,” quips Sagnol, “but I’m sure they have played. That’s what football players should do because it’s about conviviality. The only negative thing I can see is if you were playing like mad: three, four, five times a week and betting £200,000. I think that would be a bit insane.”

Big Jack's lads relax at Italia 90

But would it? Surely today’s multimillionaire superstars can lose big money without it becoming a problem? “It’s a great question,” says Peter Kay, CEO of the Sporting Chance Clinic, which he founded with recovering alcoholic Tony Adams. “If they lose 20 grand, that’s like me losing 400 or 500 quid. It hurts, but it’s manageable. But if I kept doing that I would get to the point where I couldn’t pay the mortgage.”

One wealthy star whose gambling reached uncontrollable levels is Stoke winger Matthew Etherington. The winger’s debts reached £800,000 when he was at West Ham, the club having to lend him £300,000 to pay off some of that. Yet Sheringham claims Etherington was a good poker player, even making money.

“I’ve never had anyone presented to me who’s said, ‘I’m OK on everything else but poker is my problem’,” says Kay, himself a recovering alcoholic. “A lot of people who can control horse racing to a degree might be lost on a roulette machine or in a casino. But a good poker player will know when the odds are stacked against him cards-wise. Someone with an addictive nature will discard that and double the bet. You start taking risks.”

Etherington is now recovering after being treated by the Sporting Chance Clinic, but Kay isn't surprised when competitive sportsmen get drawn into gambling. “Matthew Etherington lost a fortune through gambling and a lot of people with addictive problems would think, ‘I’m really good at poker, I enjoy it and it’s a challenge.’ You’ve got to remember the competitive nature of footballers, especially when they retire. Poker gives them that.”

“It’s not a passing phase – we love it”
Competition’s not the only thing poker is giving ex-footballers. As Sheringham and Cascarino are proving, for those prepared to invest time and commitment, poker can provide a genuine post-career alternative to management, punditry or running a pub.

The former strike partners are certainly aiming high. “I’d love to win a big tournament,” says Sheringham. “But I know I’m playing with top professionals when I’m playing these big tournaments.”

Cascarino agrees. “I’d love to win a European Poker Tour or a World Series bracelet. But to be honest, I play poker because I love it, even when you have your bad days. That’s what me and Teddy have: a passion for it. It’s not a passing phase for us.

“A lot of people come in, try their luck and see how they go. Me and Teddy will be around playing poker until we pop our clogs...”

Heroes & Villains: the weekend's winners and losers

2012-01-23T11:48:00Z

Who left their mark and who hit the skids this Premier League weekend? Mark Booth investigates

RESULTS (click team name for web-wide club news feed) Sat 21 Jan Norwich City 0-0 Chelsea; Everton 1-1 Blackburn Rovers; Fulham 5-2 Newcastle United; Queens Park Rangers 3 -1 Wigan Athletic; Stoke City 1-2 West Bromwich Albion; Sunderland 2-0 Swansea City; Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-3 Aston Villa; Bolton Wanderers 3-1 Liverpool Sun 22 Jan Manchester City 3-2 Tottenham Hotspur; Arsenal 1-2 Manchester United

HEROES

Manchester City
Winning the Premier League requires a broad range of skills. Back in the first third of the season, Manchester City showed fluency as they put opponents to the sword with freewheeling football drawing admiration from all quarters. The Christmas period was a test of their mettle which City just about passed, but for their latest victory, the league leaders must thank the lords of fate.

Not only did Tottenham's Gareth Bale and Jermain Defoe conspire to waste a golden opportunity to win the match in injury time, but the Premier League’s foremost protagonist left his mark on the game in predictably idiosyncratic style. It’s impossible to read Mario Balotelli at the best of times but the did-he-didn’t-he-mean-it argument on his Scott Parker tread will remain a mystery to all but the striker. Had any other player been responsible there would be no debate but Balotelli invites controversy upon himself at every turn.

As it was, Balotelli stayed on the pitch and was the coolest man in the stadium when he sidefooted home in the 94th minute to seal the three points. City’s next five games (Everton A, Fulham H, Villa A, Blackburn H, Bolton H) look relatively straightforward when compared to Manchester United’s (Stoke H, Chelsea A, Liverpool H, Norwich A, Spurs H) and they will be relieved to escape this, one of their trickiest remaining assignments, with their title credentials intact.

Danny Welbeck & Antonio Valencia
Welbeck's performance at Arsenal showed exactly why he might feel that he deserves a better contract. It wasn’t just his match-winning finish but his link-up play with Valencia and willing running that characterised a hugely impressive performance from the striker. It was another efficient win from Manchester United, who seem to have the happy knack of winning games without playing particularly well.

Over the course of a season any successful side needs individuals to take responsibility and in Welbeck and Valencia, United have two players who will do just that as they look to hang on to City’s coat-tails. If the teams keep matching each other point for point as they have been doing, their meeting at the Etihad Stadium on the 28th April might just be the match that decides matters.

Norwich City’s backline
Norwich’s 22nd match since returning to the Premier League brought their first clean sheet. While Chelsea certainly looked the likelier to break the deadlock at Carrow Road, it was credit to the Canaries defence that the score remained level. John Ruddy was handed the man of the match champagne but there should be a glass each for his defenders. Daniel Ayala, Zak Whitbread, Kyle Naughton and Russell Martin worked in tandem to nullify the threat of Fernando Torres, who was withdrawn after 77 frustrating minutes.

Andy Johnson & Clint Dempsey
After Danny Guthrie gave Newcastle the lead just before half-time at Craven Cottage it looked bleak for one of the league’s most inconsistent sides. Fulham had offered nothing in the first half to suggest that they could get back into the match, but the introduction of Andy Johnson changed the game. Johnson's direct drive into the heart of Newcastle’s defence created Fulham’s second, while the fourth was a penalty won by Johnson after taking the ball around Tim Krul, who was left with no choice but to take him out.

Dempsey, meanwhile, notched a hat-trick – and if the first goal was fortunate, the second two were goals of the highest quality, both of them clinical thrashes across Tim Krul into the far corner. A wonderful servant, Dempsey has now scored 51 goals for the club.

Robbie Keane
Like he was never away. The Aston Villa loanee was largely anonymous against former side Wolves but popped up when it counted with two excellent finishes to fire Villa to 11th on manager Alex McLeish’s 53rd birthday. A move to the ever-improving MLS might not be the semi-retirement it once was but Keane’s match-winning performance suggests that the LA Galaxy forward might have crossed the Atlantic at least a season too soon.

Steve Kean
There’s no doubt that Kean’s players are standing firmly behind their manager and it’s paying dividends as Blackburn climbed out of the bottom three with a draw at Everton. David Goodwillie has shown in flashes that he might prove to be a smart acquisition for Kean, who is turning the volume down on his critics with each passing week.

QPR
It seemed the eyes of the country were on Loftus Road for QPR's relegation showdown with Wigan Athletic and Mark Hughes’s side didn’t flinch, securing a convincing 3-1 win. There was a lot of nonsense being spouted in the lead-up to the match, unsurprisingly centring around Joey Barton’s Twitter account, but the players kept their focus and Hughes picked up his first three points as manager. With reinforcements being lined up from across the world on Tony Fernandes’ ‘limitless’ budget, the Rs can start looking up the table at last.

Craig Gardner
When Gardner revealed this month that he was suffering from homesickness, it looked like his days at Sunderland were numbered – especially after being linked with a loan back to former club Birmingham. "I don't think that anybody wants him to leave the football club,” said Martin O’Neill after seeing Gardner score the goal of the day on Saturday – a beautiful dipping 25-yarder that sealed yet another win for in-form Sunderland. O’Neill’s powers of persuasion may still be tested before January is out, but given the Ulsterman's Clough-like ability to foster team spirit, Gardner would benefit from seeing things through to the summer as the Black Cats’ ascent up the Premier League table continues apace.

VILLAINS

Gareth Bale & Jermain Defoe
A stupid, crazy end to the game began as the hapless Stefan Savic allowed Bale and Defoe to break clear. Bale put too much on his sidefooted pass across to Defoe, who failed to adjust his legs and could only slide the ball wide. This was Spurs’ golden opportunity to truly join the title race but it wasn't to be after Ledley King subsequently took out Mario Balotelli – who might himself heave a sigh of relief at not being in this section – and now the Manchester clubs have pulled clear of Spurs. There’s no shame in leaving the Etihad Stadium empty-handed this season but the manner of this defeat clearly hurt Tottenham who looked shell-shocked at the final whistle.

The Arsenal support
This wasn’t a case of a few isolated idiots; there was widespread booing at Arsene Wenger’s decision to replace the lively Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain with the out-of-form Andrei Arshavin. There’s no doubt that it was a baffling decision but quite what the Arsenal fans hoped to achieve with their emphatic reaction to the substitution is a mystery. After two disappointing defeats, and facing champions who knew they had to keep up with their cross-city challengers, the last thing a team needs is a chorus of negativity from their own supporters – and targeting Arshavin will have done nothing but further damage the player’s ailing confidence.

Arsene Wenger
That said, it was a terrible substitution that might have cost them a point.

Alan Pardew
God knows what happened at half-time at Craven Cottage but Newcastle were every bit as bad as Fulham were excellent in the second half. Whether the Magpies thought the game was won or not, their defending was erratic to say the least, as Andy Johnson and Clint Dempsey were given a license to breach their defence at will.

Alan Pardew has deservedly won praise for his masterminding of Newcastle’s expectation-defying first half of the season, but he was too slow to react to Fulham’s reshuffle when Brian Ruiz was removed from the centre of midfield and they were overrun for most of the second half, shipping four goals before Pardew looked to his bench to change things. Even then, it was a negative substitution, a recognition that the game was up, and Newcastle slipped to a heavy 5-2 defeat.

Fernando Torres
Save for one genuine moment of inspiration when Torres had Ruddy at full stretch with a flick of the outside of his boot, it was another disappointing showing from the £50m striker at Carrow Road. He's now gone 15 hours without a goal – his longest dry patch in English football – but the most troubling aspect of Torres’ performance was the second-half performance in which the Spaniard looked lethargic and ponderous, finding blind alleys with overambitious dribbles that were easily snuffed out by Norwich’s resolute defence.

After a more encouraging display last time out against Sunderland, the striker saw his frail confidence take another hit after another missed sitter from 10 yards saw him withdrawn for Romelu Lukaku on 77 minutes. The consensus thus far has been that Torres needed games to restore his confidence, but how long can Villas-Boas – hardly in the world's safest seat himself – stick with a player whose misfiring is so obviously costing his team valuable points towards a Champions League berth?

Glen Johnson
In an unhappy Saturday evening for Liverpool at Bolton, Johnson was found wanting on numerous occasions, either failing to stop Martin Petrov getting past him or, worse, going completely AWOL. Yes, Johnson gets forward readily, but too often he is found to be positionally naive and caught too high up the pitch to fulfil his defensive responsibilities. Any England supporters looking forward to the summer should be hoping Fabio Capello finds a cure for his Micah Richards-phobia or get used to heart palpitations come June.

Emmanuel Frimpong
Your heart has to go out to the on-loan midfielder, who may now face another three months out of action after fracturing a cheekbone against Aston Villa. It’s bad news for Arsene Wenger, too, who would have been hoping for the 20-year-old to pick up some valuable first-team experience at Molineux. After spending last season on the treatment table, it’s another season of frustration for Frimpong who will be hoping more ‘DENCH’ times lie ahead in 2012/13.

Chris Coleman
Not an inspiring co-commentary spell from the new Wales boss, who namechecked Mario Bolochelli, Sergio Ramos (he meant Juande) and David de Silva. Fingers crossed he has an easier time remembering his own players' names.

Heroes & Villains: Slick Swans, slipping Spurs and critic-correcting Carrick

2012-01-17T10:22:00Z

Heroes

Manchester City
The DW stadium is hardly a fortress, but there’s no such thing as an easy three points when you’re without two of your most important players, as City were in the absence of Vincent Kompany and Yaya Toure on Monday evening.
Stefan Savic and Joleon Lescott settled well at the back after a scratchy opening 10 minutes, and look likely to continue their partnership against Tottenham on Sunday. Micah Richards should return for that fixture, though one would think he’d slot back in at right back rather than in the middle, especially given the threat of Gareth Bale from wide.
However, Roberto Mancini’s biggest worry will be in midfield rather than at the back. City missed the drive and ball-retention of the younger Toure in the middle of the park. Samir Nasri was better than of late, but still not at his best, and with Nigel de Jong short of match-time it could prove fatal to start the Dutchman ahead of the former Gooner in what will be a frenetic encounter.
As big as Sunday will be (title rivals Manchester United will also face Arsenal), City’s 1-0 win over Wigan took them to 51 points after 21 games. Opta data shows that all four sides to have taken over 50 points from their first 21 games of a Premier League season have ended it as winners.

Swansea City
In a meeting of two of the Premier League’s slickest short-pass specialists, Brendan Rogers’ men came out in top in a thoroughly enjoyable game at the Liberty Stadium. Last week we were treated to an exhilarating Manchester derby that left us breathless – on Sunday we were left satisfied by some classy caressing of a football. And credit to Swansea for giving it to us; very few established Premier League sides would have the confidence to try and beat Arsenal at their own game.

Steven Fletcher
As an impressive youngster at Hibs, Fletcher was once said to have grabbed the attention of Real Madrid. Not enough to elicit a formal enquiry from the Spanish giants, but they did compile a DVD of the Scot after some impressive displays.
However it is only really now, thanks to the loss of Kevin Doyle to injury, that Fletcher is starting to blossom into an accomplished footballer at the highest level. While he lacks Doyle’s industry, his touch and invention is superior to the Irishman, as is his goal threat; his opener against Tottenham was his ninth in the league this season, compared to Doyle’s two.

Blackburn Rovers
Relegation strugglers don’t usually pull off accomplished wins with only ten men, even at home. But for all Blackburn’s faults, they do know where the goal is – they are the joint sixth highest scorers in the league (with 32 goals), and goals keep you up; just ask Birmingham fans…
While they have issues at the back to sort out – starting with the future of Chris Samba – the loss of Yakubu through suspension for games against Everton, Blackburn and Arsenal is a blow.
But as they proved in the 70-odd minutes without the rotund Nigerian, they have the means to cope. Whisper it, but does anyone else get the impression the Blackburn players actually quite like Steve Kean? They certainly seemed to play that way…

Michael Carrick
A returning – and scoring - Scholes grabbed the headlines, but Carrick was superb against Bolton. Despite a couple of error-strewn performances in the last month, Carrick has been United’s best midfielder since THAT defeat to Manchester City (and one of those displays was at centre-back). He’ll never win over all his critics, but Carrick has seemingly convinced Sir Alex and the rest of the coaching staff at Old Trafford that he is a key part of Manchester United and their run-in for number “20”.

Villains

Chris Foy
At the end of a week in which every tackle had been scrutinised interminably, it was perhaps fitting that the man who started it all off by dismissing Vincent Kompany in the Manchester derby ended the week with a much, much worse decision.
QPR's Shaun Derry flew into a challenge on Newcastle's Yohan Cabaye right under the referee's nose, and was only booked for his trouble. Derry was off the ground, reckless and could easily have broken the Frenchman’s ankle had he made contact (though the former Lille man probably caused further damage by jumping up to remonstrate with the QPR midfielder).
It would have been interesting to see if Alan Pardew would have still accepted Foy’s awarding of a yellow card had Newcastle not taken all three points.

Tottenham Hotspur
A draw at home to Wolves hardly signals the end of Spurs’ title charge, but it is a blow, especially given how City and United had floundered over the Christmas period.
The novelty of a three-horse race means Spurs wouldn’t necessarily have to beat both Manchester clubs in order to win the title. But with that comes the added pressure of having to be near-faultless for the remaining 34 games - that includes beating lower-table opposition at home.

Kenny Dalglish
Since his return, King Kenny has impressed with his tactical dexterity, but against Stoke he perhaps tried to be too clever by adopting three at the back, which served Liverpool well at the Britannia last season.
His decision to then bring on Andy Carroll, only to sacrifice width with the withdrawal of Downing seemed equally perplexing. In the absence of Suarez, Dalglish would probably be better advised to go back to basics, especially given the limitations of the Uruguayan’s under-studies.
Yes Liverpool are unbeaten at home, but they have dropped 14 points - almost five games’ worth - in 11 games at Anfield.

West Brom
Only five points off the relegation zone, West Brom have been quietly slipping down the table; one point in the last four games – three of which have been at home – represents a worrying slip for a side few predicted for the drop.
Their performances have not been particularly bad, but a few more defeats could see Roy Hodgson’s men knee-deep in the mire at the bottom of the table.

The Euro 2012 England squad predictor - 06/01/12

2012-01-06T17:00:00Z

Who’d be on the Three Lions’ plane if the squad was picked today? Here’s your starter for 23, players in descending order of certainty to travel and/or 'undroppability'...

1 Joe Hart (Manchester City)
Undisputed No.1. Irreplaceable. Key man.

2 Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)
Forget the ban. England’s best player.

3 Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
Well ahead of his rivals, even if he's not quite at his peak.

4 John Terry (Chelsea)
Fading force but still crucial.

5 Scott Parker (Tottenham Hotspur)
Indispensable anchorman.

6 Ashley Young (Manchester United)
Finally finding his feet at international level - has made the left wing his own.

7 James Milner (Manchester City)
Capello favourite. Versatility makes him a perfect squad player.

8 Gareth Barry (Manchester City)
Has bounced back well from World Cup disappointment.

9 Glen Johnson (Liverpool)
Still first-choice, but faces competition from emerging Kyle Walker.

10 Leighton Baines (Everton)
Solid back-up in a position where there are few options.

11 Phil Jones (Manchester United)
Versatility crucial. Could start if he maintains early season form.

12 Stewart Downing (Liverpool)
Been back-up winger of late.

13 Daniel Sturridge (Chelsea)
Chelsea form and width can’t be ignored.

14 Theo Walcott (Arsenal)
Qualifying regular. But remember 2010?

15 Jack Wilshere (Arsenal)
Injury and return to his best permitting.

16 Joleon Lescott (Manchester City)
City form could get him there

17 Gary Cahill (Bolton Wanderers)
In possession, but in danger given poor recent form.

18 Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
Played in last six qualifiers.

19 Darren Bent (Aston Villa)
Should go as only out-and-out striker.

20 Scott Carson (Bursaspor)
Rebuilding in Turkey, but question marks.

21 Jermain Defoe (Tottenham Hotspur)
Potential game-changer. Predator.

22 Danny Welbeck (Manchester United)
Edges out Zamora and Carroll.

23 David Stockdale (Fulham)
Well at least he's now getting games in the Premier League.

But what of the chasing pack? Here are the other runners and riders...

Close contenders

Steven Gerrard will be almost assured of a place if he can stay fit for the remainder of the season, while if Kyle Walker's form at Tottenham between now and May is anything like that of the first half of the campaign he'll be a shoo-in. Adam Johnson will also be in the frame, as long as he secures regular first team football between now and May - though that's no straightforward task at Manchester City.

Any injuries or loss of form among the defenders could see Manchester United's Chris Smalling or Manchester City's Micah Richards make the trip, though the latter still has some impressing to do as far as Mr Capello is concerned.

Fulham hit-man Bobby Zamora has clearly caught Fabio's eye, but he'll need to score goals consistently to nab another international chance.

Bubbling under

Everton defender Phil Jagielka will be hoping a six-week layoff with knee ligament damage will not significantly scupper his chances, while Jack Rodwell also sustained an injury in Wednesday evening's defeat to Bolton. Spurs winger Aaron Lennon may be in with a shout if he can rediscover his early season form.

Having been denied a senior England debut when August's friendly against Holland was postponed due to civil unrest in London, Tom Cleverley was then struck down by foot and ankle injuries. If he returns, as expected, towards the end of this month and is able to hit the ground running, the Manchester United starlet should be well in contention.

Outside bets

At the start of 2011, Andy Carroll was seen as the answer to all England's problems. The striker was in hot goal scoring form and earned himself a £35 million move to Liverpool. He even scored in his second international appearance against Ghana in March. Yet his loss of form at club level has seen him play just three minutes for Capello's side since, and unless he can re-establish himself at Anfield in the absence of the suspended Luis Suarez, he's unlikely to make the cut.

Spurs' defender Michael Dawson will hope he can quickly nail down a place at White Hart Lane make a late surge, having missed the last five months through injury.

Gabriel Agbonlahor has enjoyed something of a return to form with Aston Villa this term, and is back in contention having been called into the squad for the Spain and Sweden friendlies, while Norwich target man Grant Holt's goal-scoring form in his debut Premier League season may have aroused Capello's interest. No, really. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain is many people's tip to be England's wild card, though we fancy he'll need to play a lot more football in the second half of the season to convince the Italian he's worth the risk.

Fergie, transsexual internationals, football's biggest con-man and the death of the tackle

2012-01-04T07:30:00Z

Our New Year’s Resolution at FourFourTwo Towers was to give you more (and to try and not get so worked up about the state of public transport) – so here goes. In our new February 2012 issue, now on sale, we present... two magazines!

That’s right, ahead of the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations in Gabon and Equatorial Guinea, we have a special 23-page mini-mag on the tournament, to be found on the reverse of your usual issue. Click here for more details on that.

New Year’s Eve marked a big occasion: Sir Alex Ferguson turned 70. But how much longer can he lead Manchester United to the very top? In a special report, FourFourTwo looks back on Fergie’s career and forward to what is still to come, focusing on how he can overcome his two biggest challenges yet: bouncing back from European humiliation and keeping City in their box.

Certainly, exciting times are ahead, and not just in the UK. We pick our ’12 for 2012’ – a destined dozen to watch this year, from superstars Mario Goetze and legend-for-hire David Beckham to bright young things Ross Barkley and Raheem Sterling, including interviews with Rickie Lambert and Euro 2012 hopeful Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

We also have an exclusive interview with Newcastle boss Alan Pardew, who reveals his secret behind winning the hearts and minds of thousands of disillusioned Geordies – plus why he wants to manage abroad as well as take charge of England.

Meanwhile, we investigate the death of the tackle. “It isn’t a quality to aspire to,” says Xabi Alonso, and Rio Ferdinand agrees – but why is tackling a dying art form, replaced by visionary defenders and intercepting midfielders? And can centuries of English tradition catch up with the modern game?

It’s one of the most incredible football stories you’ll ever read: the Brazilian who had a long playing career without ever kicking a ball. Meet ‘the Kaiser’, and marvel at his stories of hiding his inability to play football while starring at the very top level. Just how did he do it? Read and find out.

Frankly, it’s enough to make you want a drink. So quench your thirst with our Action Replay on the history of beer and football as one, from pre-match whiskies to hoolies abroad.

Heard the one about the transsexual who helped a football team win their first ever football match? Thought not. FourFourTwo was there as American Samoa broke history, overcoming years of disappointment – and ribbing over a 31-0 defeat to Australia – to claim three points for the first time, with a highly unusual defender...

Things are just as odd up in Bradford, where 90th in the Football League played 92nd as the Bantams took on the Pilgrims of Plymouth. Was it all misery and moping? We sent our travelling trouper to find out.

Of course, that’s not all. The February issue also features a One-on-One interview with Dietmar Hamann, the former Liverpool man answering YOUR questions – including the one about the copy of Mein Kampf he received as a Christmas present at Newcastle.

Then there’s exclusives from Darijo Srna, Michel Salgado and Roger Hunt, our search for the longest away-day trips in England and Chris Smalling, Sebastian Larsson and Alan Shearer all offering advice in our Performance section.

Oh, and did we mention the Africa Cup of Nations?

We profile every team in this special magazine, from Ghana to Guinea and everyone in between.

Plus, we’ve a complete guide on what games to watch and when, a fascinating history on the hosts, Gabon and Equatorial Guinea, and a rundown of why the ACN is the craziest of all international tournaments. Leave your sacrificial birds at the door.

Oh, and we had a chat with two men who sadly won’t be at the competition, to see what they make of the candidates. Steven Pienaar offers his opinion on this year’s tournament, and Samuel Eto’o gives his verdict on every team.

Don’t miss out.

The February 2012 issue of FourFourTwo and the Africa Cup of Nations magazine were brought to you by... Rio Ferdinand, Roger Hunt, Bobby Hassell, Alan Pardew, Samuel Eto’o, Andy Cole, Pepe Reina, Andy Butler, Dietmar Hamann, Roy Barry, Lee Sharpe, Darijo Srna, Allan Ravn, Graham Potter, Brian Wake, Leon Cort, Steven Pienaar, Eamonn Bannon, Keisuke Honda, Ryan Giggs, Phil Parkinson, Rickie Lambert, Mark Hughes, Tony Cottee, John Gorman, Willie Miller, Alan Shearer, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Michael Salgado, Neville Southall, Michael Mancienne, Steve McManaman, Brazil’s Ricardo Rocha, Carlos ‘Kaiser’ Henrique, the stars of American Samoa and the shortest player in Europe...

FourFourTwo's Premier League XI

2011-12-19T11:45:00Z

FourFourTwo recently received an email from a Mr Steve James, who proposed the Premier League and La Liga should face off in something of an all-star match, but with a catch. No club would be represented by more than one player.

This would prevent any one club from dominating their league's representative XI (yes, we mean Barcelona, obviously) and would provide a greater indication of the strength (and, indeed, depth) of the two leagues.

The thought caused much debate at FFT Towers, with punches thrown and certain individuals refered to as 'ruddy idiots'. Fortunately, the violence died down once we had all agreed on our Premier League XI. We also asked FourFourTwo.com's man in Madrid, Tim Stannard, to provide his La Liga XI, which you can see here.

In putting together a Premier League XI to battle La Liga’s finest, FFT’s thoughts immediately turned to stifling the opposition; as the last four years have shown, going toe-to-toe with some of the tikiest-takiest players around will only end in tears.

However, with a one player minimum from each club, I entered this project with the type of blind-optimism usually reserved for our brave Lions on the eve of international competition. Remembering we also had to adhere to the stipulation, we delayed draping our Premier League flag out the office window, and sat down to make some very difficult, and no doubt disputable calls...

Michel Vorm  - Swansea City
Certainly not a household name on his arrival in the Premier League, despite already having a handful of Dutch caps and being one of the three keepers Bert Van Marwijk took to the 2010 World Cup, Vorm has endeared himself to Swans and fantasy football nuts alike. His brilliant reflexes and penalty-stopping expertise have won headlines and plaudits. Despite the season having not even reached the halfway stage, the former Utrecht gloveman has already saved a handful of points for the promoted side.

  Luke Young -  Queens Park Rangers
 With all due respect to the former England international, his presence in this hypothetical XI is largely down to the fact that the league’s best right-backs line-up alongside some lovely little creative sorts, who also feature on this list. While unspectacular, Young’s a solid ball-playing defender, with more than 10 years of Premier League experience behind him.

 Nemanja Vidic  - Manchester United
 It says it all about the Serbian’s influence (and Manchester United’s displays over the last 12 months) that a defender would be the standout pick from the league champions. While his inclusion means no place for Nani or Wayne Rooney, Vidic’s solidity has held his side together, especially during times when they have been found wanting further up the pitch. His absence for the rest of the season is a massive blow for Sir Alex Ferguson, but luckily he’s fit and raring to go for us in make-believe land.

Gary Cahill  - Bolton Wanderers 
"He’s not as good as people think!" go the tweets, with a few expletives thrown in hither and thither. While Bolton’s form is poor, it would be foolish to pin it solely on the England centreback, even though his performances have generally fallen below his own high standards this term. Talk has turned to rebuilding with the funds garnered from his sale in January, but he could play as crucial a part in the heart of their defence should he stay put.

Leighton Baines  - Everton 
Equally adept in defensive and attacking areas, Baines provides an extra threat on the left wing with his willingness to overlap and ability to cross from deep – not to mention his dead-ball prowess. Now England’s number two in this position, the former Wigan man has shown vast improvement since Fabio Capello decided against taking him to South Africa in 2010.

 Ramires -  Chelsea 
Last year he was branded little more than industrious, but this season has seen the Brazilian consistently put in polished displays - even demonstrating a goal-scoring aptitude many doubted he had. Everything about Ramires is relentless, and it is clear to see he is Andres Villas-Boas’ main man in the middle of the park.

 Yohan Cabaye -  Newcastle United
 One of the seven Gallic Geordies - or 'Mark Owen', as he is referred to by his teammates because of his boyband-like good looks – Cabaye has been the driving force behind Newcastle’s impressive start to the season. While classy on the ball, he’ll also provide some extra bite to the midfield.

 Luka Modric -  Tottenham Hotspur
 After early season discontent brought about by a botched move to Stamford Bridge, Modric has come back into the Spurs side and made them the title-challengers some have dared refer to them as. Undoubtedly one of the best midfielders in the league, the Croatian pips Gareth Bale to a spot in the XI, thanks in part to the choice of formation.

David Silva -  Manchester City
 The best player in the league? Almost certainly – a season of acclimatisation (with the odd flash of brilliance) has set him up for a second where he has become the heart-beat for a ruthless Manchester City. Looking as comfortable as he ever has done on a football pitch, the former Valencia man will know this opposition inside and out – as would have Juan Mata – but Silva’s greater influence (by virtue of a longer Premier League stint) gives him the edge in this one.

Luis Suarez  - Liverpool 
Not exactly flavour of the month right now, you can never quite take your eyes of Suarez for fear of missing something game-changing. While Liverpool struggle to get the best out of him without an accomplished striker, his energy and directness will prove a useful foil for this side’s front-man. Speaking of which...

 Robin van Persie -  Arsenal
 After a quite staggering run in front of goal, Van Persie’s sumptuous volley against Everton in the last round of fixtures leaves him one goal away from equalling Thierry Henry’s record of 34 in a calendar year (all this in what is arguably his secondary position). Aguero came close, but missed out because of Silva’s inclusion; Rooney’s tendency to drop was unwelcome give the personnel behind him. Demba Ba’s 11 goals so far gave him an outside chance, but unfortunately record-breaking trumps left-field, even in footballing Narnia.

FEATURE Tim Stannard's 'one man one club' La Liga XI

Could these 10 stars force their way into FFT's next Top 100?

2011-12-14T10:30:00Z

As you may well be aware, this month’s issue of FourFourTwo magazine includes our take on the Best 100 Players in the World.

The selection process wasn’t easy (as mag editor David Hall explained last week), with as many as half the names discussed during deliberations unable to squeeze into the final 100.

As such, there are some very good players who missed out. Below are 10 of the players who just missed the cut this year, but that we expect to be in the running next time round…

Ganso
Age 22
Position Midfielder
Club Santos
Nationality Brazilian
A potentially integral part of Brazil’s new breed, but lacks consistency and goals from midfield. It’s telling that it’s Neymar and Damiao being linked to Europe. Talented, but needs to step out of his team-mate’s shadow.

Alan Dzagoev
Age 21
Position Midfielder
Club CSKA Moscow
Nationality Russian
Made FFT’s longlist having been one of our under-20s to watch just six months ago. Already Russia’s main man and the reason CSKA’s Seydou Doumbia scores so many goals (look out for him too), the new Arshavin is on the verge of success.

Jan Vertonghen
Age 24
Position Defender
Club Ajax
Nationality Belgian
Won the title with Ajax, where he’s now captain, and appears regularly for Belgium despite competition from Thomas Vermaelen, Vincent Kompany and Daniel Van Buyten. As with Dzagoev, the real test will come in a bigger league.

Andre Ayew
Age 21
Position Forward
Club Marseille
Nationality Ghanaian
Narrowly missed out (along with team-mate Loic Remy), with 30 caps and a World Cup already under his belt. Impressed in patches against English teams in the Champions League, but has a tendency to disappear in big games.

Ashley Young
Age 26
Position Midfielder
Club Manchester United
Nationality English
An excellent start with United has silenced the doubters. It’s too soon now, but if he keeps up his early season form at domestic and international level, there’s no doubt he’ll be in with a strong chance of making our list next year.

Alvaro Negredo
Age 26
Position Forward
Club Sevilla
Nationality Spanish
The burly forward arrived in Andalusia in the summer of 2009, having won plaudits for his goal scoring exploits with Liga minnows Almeria. His first season at Ramón Sánchez Pizjuán was unspectacular, but last term he rattled in 20 league goals and appears to have moved ahead of Fernando Torres in the international reckoning.
Another season like that will see his stock continue to rise.

Nuri Sahin
Age 23
Position Midfielder
Club Real Madrid
Nationality Turkish
Having inspired Borussia Dortmund to their first league title in nine years last season, Sahin was spirited away by the bright lights of the Bernabeu. His impact in the Spanish capital has thus far been minimal, with a knee injury restricting him to just one league appearance at the time of writing. His flair and creativity will likely make him a key figure in Jose Mourinho’s side sooner rather than later.

Kwadwo Asamoah
Age 23
Position Midfielder
Club Udinese
Nationality Ghanaian
A key member of the Ghana sides that in 2010 made the final of the African Cup of Nations and the quarterfinals of the World Cup. The fleet-footed midfielder has quickly become a key creative outlet for both club and country. His form at Stadio Friuli side helped the Bianconeri into the qualifying stages of the Champions League where he was among the players who looked most likely to trouble Arsenal.

Maarten Stekelenburg
Age 29
Position Goalkeeper
Club Roma
Nationality Dutch
In joining Luis Enrique’s Barcelona-inspired project in the Italian capital, Stekelenburg became the first Dutchman to don the (now skin-tight) crimson shirt – or at least the goalkeeper’s equivalent. For his country, he has proved a more than capable replacement for Edwin Van der Sar, and at €6 million, he represents a steal for Roma, who are starting to get into their groove.

Ezequiel Lavezzi
Age 26
Position Forward
Club Napoli
Nationality Argentine
Lavezzi’s reputation may not have been enhanced to the same degree as Edinson Cavani by Napoli’s third placed finish of last season, but the Argentina international has already proven in this season’s Champions League campaign that he is a forward of the highest standard.

LIST FFT's Top Ten Goalkeepers
LIST FFT's Top Ten Defenders
LIST FFT's Top Ten Midfielders
LIST FFT's Top Ten Forwards

Prem Ratings: Chelsea find turning point as Spurs lose their rhythm

2011-12-13T10:30:00Z

FourFourTwo's James Maw makes with the ratings, as we round up another weekend of red hot, steamy, hardcore Premier League action. Mmmmm, sexy...

CHELSEA 9.0
(W 2-1, Man City A)
After half-an-hour of Monday evening’s match you would have got long odds on Chelsea overcoming the league leaders, with City totally dominant and looking capable of picking off the hosts at will. Yet Chelsea gathered themselves, remained patient and were eventually able to swing the balance in their favour. Some may claim Clichy’s dismissal was key, but the Blues were already well on top by that stage. A deserved and hugely encouraging win. A turning point?

MANCHESTER UNITED 8.0
(W 4-1, Wolves H)
United bounced back from their humiliating midweek exit from the Champions League in the fashion most would have expected, with Wayne Rooney scoring his first league goals since that red card in Montenegro. While wins against relegation fodder aren’t what win you titles, the margin of victory was at least a sign that United may be slowly getting back to somewhere near their best after a string of 1-0s.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 8.0
(W 2-1, West Brom A)
With the sparse surroundings of the DW Stadium unlikely to ever become an impenetrable fortress, grabbing the occasional win on the road by frustrating their hosts and pinching goals on the fly could make all the difference to Wigan’s survival hopes. For the second away day running, the Latics came from behind to seal three points, heaping pressure on the opposition manager and leaving Roberto Martinez with an unfamiliar feeling of contentment.

NORWICH CITY 7.5
(W 4-2, Newcastle H)
The Canaries have played some good football this season, but Paul Lambert’s side adopted a more pragmatic approach to best take advantage of the visitors’ under-strength defence - all four of their goals were headers, three of them from set-pieces. Although the Magpies were without several key players, three points against a side in such good form aren’t to be sniffed at, particularly when you’ve won one of the last six.

ASTON VILLA 7.5
(W 2-1, Bolton A)
It’s safe to say Villa fans haven’t exactly taken to their new manager, but a modicum of pressure was eased off Alex McLeish’s shoulders with this, their first away victory of the season. A switch to 4-4-2 appeared to pay dividends, with returning right winger Marc Albrighton – one of Villa’s stars of last season but surprisingly sidelined this – opening the scoring, and Emile Heskey only on the pitch for nine minutes…

ARSENAL 7.0
(W 1-0, Everton H)
With all the fanfare of unveiling statues, celebrating 125 years of history and watching Ian Wright lark about in a silly hat; you could be forgiven for forgetting there was a football match on at the Emirates on Saturday. Perhaps that explains the Gunners’ rather sluggish display, with Arsene Wenger’s side struggling to fully click into gear against the resilient Toffees (insert joke about being hard to chew here). A win at Man City on Sunday could make things very interesting indeed.

STOKE CITY 7.0
(W 2-1, Tottenham H)
The Potters made it three wins in a row with what was perhaps their most impressive result of the season, completely banishing memories of the four successive defeats that had preceded the current run. Fortune was on their side, with Tony Pulis’ side appearing to have the rub of the green with the officials in the second half, but the first half performance was hugely impressive nonetheless.

SUNDERLAND 7.0
(W 2-1, Blackburn H)
A first win on Martin O’Neill’s first afternoon in the Stadium of Light hot seat is clearly a positive, but shouldn’t gloss over the deficiencies displayed by the Ulsterman’s new charges in their last-gasp victory over the Premier League’s most hapless side. Not least the fact that, despite having oodles of possession, they were unable to carve out many half-decent chances until David Vaughan struck from long range (23 shots, only five on target).

SWANSEA CITY 7.0
(W 2-0, Fulham H)
The Swans ended a four-match winless run with a much-deserved victory over the Cottagers. Goal-scorer Danny Graham described it as a ‘must win’ match, and it’s hard to disagree given the three points are the difference between the South Wales side sitting in their current position of 11th or potential low of 16th. An impressive sixth clean sheet of the season came thanks to Michel Vorm’s penalty save.

LIVERPOOL 7.0
(W 1-0, QPR H)
At the third time of asking, Liverpool were finally able to defeat a newly-promoted side at Anfield. Despite the narrow score-line, this was a hugely improved performance, with the previously criticised Jordan Henderson and Charlie Adam both starting to make an impact in midfield. Concerns will remain over the Reds’ profligacy, with 25 shots on goal bringing just seven saves from QPR’s Radek Cerny, beating him only the once.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 5.0
(L 2-1, Stoke A)
Had Emmanuel Adebayor not been incorrectly denied by an offside flag, this match may well have finished all square and been the archetypal ‘game of two halves’. Spurs were dire in the first half, they couldn’t live with Stoke’s power and failed to find enough rhythm of their own to trouble their opponents. A switch to 3-5-2 saw a huge improvement after the break, and Tottenham will count themselves more than a little unlucky to have lost. Still, they should look at their own first half performance before they point the finger of blame at Foy & Co.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS 4.5
(L 1-0, Liverpool A)
Neil Warnock seemed none too concerned by this defeat at Anfield, preferring to focus on the positives, namely his side’s resolute defensive work. The Hoops’ Premier League survival won’t hinge on matches away to the big guns, after all. The fixtures with Sunderland, Swansea and Norwich over the festive period will be far more decisive.

EVERTON 4.5
(L 1-0, Arsenal A)
Not for the first time this season, Everton set out to be hard to beat… but it just wasn’t enough. Their performance was resolute yet fruitless, with Robin van Persie once again the difference for the Gunners. Forget the Dutchman, the Toffees would kill for a player like Gervinho in their side, heck, maybe even Marouane Chamakh…

BLACKBURN ROVERS 4.5
(L 2-1, Sunderland A)
As has been the case on a fairly regular basis in recent weeks, Steve Kean will have walked away from a match feeling his side could and should have come away with more. In a sense, circumstances worked against Rovers here, with the visitors forced into making three substitutions within the first 52 minutes, meaning they were unable to replace any of their many pooped players in the final throes of the encounter, during which time they lost two goals and three points.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS 4.5
(L 4-1, Man Utd A)
There were conflicting suggestions that this was either the best or worst time to visit Old Trafford, with the champions still licking the wounds inflicted by Basel three days earlier. The final score perhaps suggests the latter, but unlike their recent defeat at Stamford Bridge, there was something to take from this performance, with United needing to dig deep to kill off the tie.

MANCHESTER CITY 4.0
(L 2-1, Chelsea A)
A curious performance saw City almost match the brilliance of White Hart Lane and Old Trafford in the first half-hour, before slumping to most probably their worst hour of football so far this term, at least domestically. While it was Gael Clichy who saw red, several of his team-mates could well have walked before him, with Yaya Toure in particular seeming to be lacking in discipline. Sunday's home clash with Arsenal now looks huge.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 4.0
(L 4-2, Norwich A)
Although there were mitigating circumstances in this defeat – Steven Taylor, Fabricio Coloccini, Cheick Tiote were all missing from the Magpies' line-up – Alan Pardew will still be furious with the nature of the goals conceded. Not only did three of Norwich’s goals come from set-pieces, but all four were in fact free headers.

FULHAM 3.5
(L 2-0, Swansea A)
The Cottagers continued their baffling inconsistency with a largely feeble showing at Swansea, just five days after they beat Liverpool. Earlier this season a 6-0 win over QPR was followed by defeat at Stoke, a lacklustre draw at Sunderland by an impressive 1-1 draw at Arsenal, and home draw with Blackburn with another against Man City. Uncovering the cause of this unpredictability could be key to Martin Jol dragging his side away from the drop zone.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION 3.0
(L 2-1, Wigan H)
As a rule of thumb, losing to at home to Wigan is generally considered bad. Very bad. Bad enough to get Steve Bruce the sack two weeks previously, in fact. The same fate is unlikely to befall Roy Hodgson, but with the chance to move as high as 11th spurned, upcoming trips to Blackburn and Newcastle will bring far greater pressure.

BOLTON WANDERERS 2.5
(L 2-1, Aston Villa H)
A home fixture against a side in almost as woeful form as themselves should have been the perfect chance for Bolton to dig deep and scrap for three points. Instead, the Trotters’ first half showing was as limp as you’d expect from a side without a midfielder who can tackle. Before Owen Coyle could say ‘those are the margins’, Bolton were two down, and not even an improved second half performance could save a point. Boo indeed.

How The End began

2011-12-12T12:30:00Z

In 1981, Peter Hooton founded a groundbreaking fanzine in Liverpool called The End. Here he explains how he helped start a revolution in football media

The idea for The End came well before the explosion of football fanzines in the mid-1980s and was an attempt to combine football, music and culture. I didn’t have a blueprint in mind but I thought if we can produce a magazine which reflected everyday conversations you had with your mates and the laughs you could have in the pub people might like it.

The End has been described as the grandfather of football fanzines, but it was never really a football fanzine as such and certainly wasn’t club-specific. Although football and terrace fashion was featured, our main aim was to observe and be satirical.

The End certainly inspired many people to write – the 1990s London clubbers' bible Boys' Own was probably the most successful – but we had many correspondents from around the UK who cited The End as an inspiration for them putting pen to paper.

An early correspondent to The End was Mike Ticher, who started the excellent When Saturday Comes in 1986 – five years after The End was born. The first few issues of When Saturday Comes were stencilled in the outdated tradition of the punk fanzine.

Having requested and received a copy of The End, he replied to say he was under the impression we were a football fanzine but was unimpressed by our lack of analysis and our obsession with terrace fashion and trouble at matches. We were unimpressed by his reply as he'd obviously missed the point of our magazine completely: we were just reflecting what young other match going football fans were interested in.

We weren’t obsessed with football hooliganism – we were actually ridiculing it – but we were going to lots of matches home and away, so we simply couldn’t ignore what was a feature of going to football in the 1980s. He must’ve been impressed with our layout though: their next edition looked like a replica of The End, which we took as a compliment, but our correspondence ended.

One thing many people have said to me over the years is that The End encouraged them to write down their ideas, whether it was via poems, stories or letters. This hardly sounds revolutionary now we have Facebook and Twitter, but in those days it was very much harder to get your opinions heard.

Now everyone's at it, expressing opinions on all sorts of topics whether on football forums, radio phone-ins or social networking sites. It has never been easy to get your views known – but you now have to wade through the dross to get to the good stuff.

At The End we prided ourselves in printing articles about boasters and exaggerators, phonies and characters we came across in everyday life. Maybe one of the main reasons for the phenomenal success of the recently-published The End compilation is that these people are still legion, especially in this vacuous celebrity-obsessed culture – or maybe people just want to laugh and reminisce.

In the 1980s and 90s some excellent football fanzines emerged – like When Skies Are Grey (Everton), What’s The Score (Merseyside), and United We Stand (Man United) – which clearly had the spirit of The End in mind. It's great that new magazines like Boss Mag and Halcyon in Liverpool have been recently put that style and attitude back into print.

Even though the people who produce these magazines were too young to have read The End first time around, they cite that they want to recreate its ethos – and now the The End compilation is out they can actually read it and hopefully see what all the fuss was about.

The End compilation is out now. Peter Hooton went on to be lead singer in The Farm and tells the story of their hit single All Together Now in the new issue of FourFourTwo, also out now

Get more from the January 2012 issue

2011-12-09T15:28:00Z

The January 2012 issue of FourFourTwo is out now, and positively bursting with fantastic features, sensational stories and exciting exclusives. For us, that's not enough – we want to give you more.

So welcome to our 'Further Reading' blog for the new issue. As you read, or if you prefer, after you've finished the magazine, take a look below and see what else we can offer you on what you've just taken in. We've got videos! We've got blogs! We've got rhythm!

EXCLUSIVE: CESC FABREGAS
The Spanish ace reveals all about leaving Arsenal and joining Barcelona in the new issue, but we've spoken to him before, y'know. Check out our online exclusive with the midfielder from October 2009, in which he talks about his early days at Arsenal and being a bad loser.

Want to go even further back? Here's another online exclusive with Fabregas, from September 2008. He tips a 16-year-old Jack Wilshere for the top, and hypes Theo Walcott to the heavens, saying that by the end of 2011 he could be "one of the best players in the world". There's still time...

100 BEST PLAYERS: ANALYSIS
Ooh, where do we start? You've read our piece on the 100 Best Players, but we have much more online.

First up, editor Dave Hall explains how we decided on the list (it wasn't easy). Don't forget: we want your feedback. Soon we'll have a blog responding to your comments, justifying our decisions and generally making everything nice and clear. Keep tabs on our Inside Track blog for that.

Elsewhere, our bloggers from around the world analyse what the results mean for their leagues and national teams. Inter have fallen, even nosedived, since last year's Top 100 list; Treble-winners one year, out of the Serie A title race the next. Richard Whittle examines what the hell happened.

Meanwhile, Tim Stannard reports on why good news for Barcelona and Madrid – who make up more than a quarter of the list between them – means bad news for the competitiveness of La Liga. There's more from La Liga Loca several times a week: he's awfully good, y'know.

We also have more on the very best players in each position on our Lists page, our extra insight partnered with lovely, lovely videos. And this week we'll profile those players who could make it next year – something to look forward to in more ways than one.

100 BEST PLAYERS: INTERVIEWS
Sure, we spoke to some of the greatest footballers in the world right now, but that doesn't mean we can't remind ourselves of what makes them so good.

Samir Nasri talks of his decision to leave Arsenal for Manchester City in the interview; here's the Frenchman looking a wee bit tasty during his time in North London:

His Eastlands team-mate Yaya Toure is more than useful too. Here he is, scoring a few goals to, erm, the theme from Stingray:

An Edinson Cavani highlights reel, you say? No problem, we say. Find out why many a top English club is keeping tabs on the Napoli and Uruguay striker:

Of course, it wouldn't be fair to exclude keepers from this audiovisual love-in. Step forward, the quite brilliant Manuel Neuer:

Alvaro Pereira, who speaks exclusively to FourFourTwo in the February issue, is touted as being Andre Villas-Boas' next signing for Chelsea. Here's why.

Leandro Damiao is another name being linked to the Premier League. The young Brazilian striker may sound like a surprising selection, but this should help to explain why he made our list:

We also had a chat with the highly-rated Yann M'Vila, aka the next Vieira. If you've got 18 minutes to spare, check out this video of everything he's ever done:

Phew. Now for something completely diffrent...

ONE-ON-ONE: RAZOR RUDDOCK

The big man not only gave us some interesting answers to your questions – such as revealing he cried upon finding out he hadn't made the 1996 FA Cup Final squad – but the permission to make him look silly in a bunch of exclusive photographs. For more shots of Razor and more, download the FourFourTwo gallery app for iPad, out later this month. For now, here are a few photos we didn't use in the magazine:

A lovely pair, we're sure you'll agree. We captured Razor on tape, too, talking about his famous 'Ruddock Stomp' after scoring a penalty for Southampton against Newcastle in 1989. Why didn't Matt Le Tissier and Alan Shearer want to take the spotkick? Razor reveals all...

PIQUE'S 36-YEAR-OLD RIVAL
In Planet Football this month we profile Sergio Ballesteros, the 15-stone, 36-year-old Levante captain and centre-back who's at the centre of a campaign to get him into the Spain squad. We promised we'd show you the video of him outpacing one Cristiano Ronaldo in the 91st minute of Levante's win over Madrid, so here you are. Look at him go! Sorry, Ron.

INSIDE QPR
Not got your fill of lovable loudmouth Joey Barton from our world exclusive in the February issue? Have a gander at our web-only interview with Barton from March this year, in which he says he might one day wear a snood.

Speaking of outspoken, we've also uploaded our One-on-One interview with Neil Warnock from 2006. He answers readers' questions on referees, playing like Ronaldinho and being called Colin Wanker. Hey, he seems fine with it...

YOUTH DEVELOPMENT: THE FOOTBALL LEAGUE
Does the Elite Player Performance Plan spell the end for Football League youth academies? No, it spells EPPP. But many a lower-league club is worried, as our Youth Development feature shows, and so they should be, says Aaron Cox in a doom-mongering blog. Read on, Football League fans, and learn why you should be scared.

GREAT GOALS RETOLD: MAURO BRESSAN
Surely a strong candidate for the best Champions League goal ever, Bressan's stunner against Barcelona remains as breathtaking as ever. Get the asthma pump ready and watch this beauty again.

GAMES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: RAY WILKINS
Before he became a sense-spouting breath of fresh air to the punditry game – "Stay on your feet" aside – Butch was a handy old player. In his choice of Games That Changed My Life, he starts off with his England side beating France 3-1 in the 1982 World Cup. Prepare to go all misty-eyed:

PICK YOUR PREMIER LEAGUE XI...
...but you're only allowed one player per team. It's a tricky one, all right. But as we said on our Letters page, we want to see them, so send in your suggestions. We'll be picking our own this week – once we've finished arguing.

YOUNG CRUYFF & YOUNG BERGKAMP
Johan's grandson, Jessua Angoy, and Dennis' nephew Roland are both impressing at English clubs, Wigan and Brighton respectively. They've certainly got the genes but do they have the talent? These videos suggest so: here's Roland Bergkamp scoring, and below is Angoy walloping a very Cruyff-esque beaut:

PERFECT XI: FRANCO BARESI
Liked our Perfect XI with Franco Baresi? Then you'll love our One-on-One interview with him in November 2009! And if it's more star football names choosing their Perfect XIs you want, take a looky at our ever-expanding archive.

ALL TOGETHER NOW...
In our Action Replay on the First World War Christmas truce match, we speak to Peter Hooton of The Farm about their tribute to the game, the legendary anthem All Together Now. He's very kindly written a blog here on FourFourTwo.com, too, about the Liverpool fanzine he set up before his heady Farm days. John Peel described it as being about "beer, music and football" – which is enough for us. See what he has to say.

THE BOY'S A BIT LOCO: IULIAN BURSUC
The photos of that punch landed on referee Ghenadie Sidenco looked a bit tasty, didn't they? Here's the real deal: Moldovan midfielder Bursuc taking out a FIFA official, who takes it very well, with a right hook. Nasty.

PERFORMANCE
Last but by no means least, we have our superb Performance section. On top of the professional tips in the magazine, we have plenty more on the Performance website.

Want more from this month's Masterclass expert, Scott Parker? Read how he maintains fitness for 90 minutes.

Want more on playing as a full-back, after advice from Andre Santos? This page has all you'll ever need, including tips from England trio Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson and Kieran Gibbs.

Want more on playing into your forties, and even beyond, after those rousing words from Graham Alexander? Play until you're grey with this guide.

Want more on shooting, having taken Nicky Maynard's recommendations on board? We have a number of articles that should help your finishing.

Want more on gym workouts, after Tom Cleverley's guide? Portsmouth strength and conditioning coach Chris Neville knows all there is to know.

Want more on psychology thanks to our help on how to win without your star player? Our Performance site has professional psychological insight on everything from captaincy to dealing with a diver.

Like what you see? Subscribe now and nab yourself a special offer!

100 Best Players + Cesc speaks out, inside QPR & facetime with Razor

2011-12-07T10:20:00Z

At last, the issue of FourFourTwo you’ve all been waiting for. Yes, it’s that time of year again: the world’s biggest football magazine picks the 100 Best Players from around the world. We’ve got goosebumps just thinking about what you’ll make of it.

But we know you want more, so in the new January 2011 issue, out now, we have a world exclusive interview with one of that top 100 – none other than international superstar Cesc Fabregas.

Is Pep Guardiola a genius? Was leaving Arsenal the easy option? Why aren’t the Gunners winning trophies? Yes, no and it’s complicated, says Cesc. He also tells us exactly what’s wrong with English football. It’s a must-read.

Of course, the real question is this: where is Fabregas in our famed 100 Best Players list? We’ve blogged aplenty about our selection, from explaining how we do it to profiling the players themselves, but the only place you can read the FourFourTwo top 100 in its entirety, in order and featuring interviews with experts and the players themselves – including Nasri, Neuer and Cavani – is in the magazine.

Our January issue has bags more features, not least the final part of our Youth Development series. This month, we look at the Football League in England. As small clubs prepare to lose their best young talent to the top teams for much less money than before under the Elite Player Performance Plan (EPPP), we speak to anxious academy chiefs.

We also go inside QPR to take a look at the club reborn under Neil Warnock and owner Tony Fernandes. We have a chat with the outspoken pair, and take part in an extraordinary interview with the even franker Joey Barton – who even let us do this to him.

Our Action Replay this month looks at possibly the most historically significant football match of all time. Develop a new appreciation for humanity as you read the truth behind that most incredible of games: the First World War Christmas Day truce match of 1914.

On a lighter note, we get ready for football’s Christmas period by running down the times when the festive period threatened to kill a team’s season. Turkey with all the trimmings? All this lot got were 12-game winless streaks and X-rated teddy bears.

There’s even room for a One-on-One with the Razor: Neil Ruddock himself. The grizzled former defender gives his opinions on England, Alan Sugar and recalls the time he handcuffed himself to a stranger on a night out...

And there’s more. We reveal Arsene Wenger’s secret weapon, FC Lorient, dish out our alternative MLS end-of-season awards and present a feature on lesser footballing siblings, from Rhodri Giggs to Carl Hoddle.

Scott Parker gives us a consistency masterclass and Tom Cleverley the perfect gym routine in Performance, and there are more missives from Michel Salgado and our undercover columnist – plus a reviews special in time for Christmas. So go on: fill your sack.

Where do I get my hands on this fantastic organ?

The January issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by Rio Ferdinand, Yaya Toure, Neil Warnock, Cesc Fabregas, Les Parry, Edinson Cavani, Gary Brooke, Ian Snodin, Scott Parker, Jason Roberts, John Bishop, Ray Wilkins, Yann M’Vila, Samir Nasri, Keith Southern, Adam Johnson, Mauro Bressan, Richard Dobson, Andy Awford, Leandro Damiao, Tom Cleverley, Manuel Neuer, Dave Merrington, Paul Futcher, Joey Barton, Michael Mancienne, Peter Hooton of The Farm, Alan Shearer, Neil Ruddock, Andre Santos, Nicky Maynard, Alvaro Pereira, Peter Schmeichel, Aidy Boothroyd, Robbie Savage, Tony Fernandes, Ossie Ardiles, Sean Scannell, Steve Evans, boxing Southend United chairman Tara Brady, Elvis lover Hermann Hreidarsson, Giuseppe and Franco Baresi, Graham Alexander, Michel Salgado, Daniele de Rossi, Kevin McNaughton, Dennis Bergkamp’s nephew, Michael Carrick’s brother and Yoann Gourcuff’s dad.

Football's worst lookalikes #5: Desperate Dunn

2011-11-30T13:06:00Z

We're big fans of Blackburn Rovers midfielder David Dunn's beard. And it sort of reminds us of somebody...

Sadly, we're told Venky's don't do a cow pie.

Football's worst lookalikes #1
Football's worst lookalikes #2
Football's worst lookalikes #3
Football's worst lookalikes #4

Premier Ratings: Tottenham hot to trot, while Potters stop the rot

2011-11-29T08:30:00Z

FourFourTwo's James Maw is the man with the scores after another madcap week of turbulent top-flight t....errrrm.....football

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 8.5
(W 3-1, West Brom A)
There's no doubt Spurs are hot at present. With Arsenal dropping points, this impressive away win saw Spurs open up a five-point lead on their local rivals, with a game in hand. Despite their impressive away form – only table-topping Man City can match their five successful road trips – it could be what they do at the Lane that seals a Champions League return: with 14 home fixtures remaining and only two of last year’s top six still to visit N17, they have a great chance to put points on the board.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 8.5
(W 2-1, Sunderland A)
This victory, combined with defeats for Blackburn, Bolton, Wolves and of course Sunderland, has dragged the Latics right back among their relegation rivals. A first league win since August – and a first away from home this season – sees Wigan now just two points from safety, yet with Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea and Manchester United all set to visit the DW in the next four weeks, more away points may be needed to avoid being cut adrift again.

CHELSEA 7.5
(W 3-0, Wolves H)
If Chelsea really were ‘in crisis’ prior to this match, it seems unlikely a routine victory against out-of-sorts relegation scrappers will have been enough to lift them out of it. But the three points were important, and they never looked likely to be heading back to Wolverhampton, with the visitors doing little to test the Blues' supposedly shaky defence. Encouraging, but there’ll be far sterner tests.

STOKE CITY 7.5
(W 3-1, Blackburn H)
The Potters stopped the rot with a typically battling win, though their performance still wasn’t entirely convincing. Rovers were afforded several opportunities to further close the deficit, while there was an element of fortune about Stoke’s deflected second. Still, Pulis & Co. will see this as three points well earned, and will hope the post-Europa hangover doesn’t strike again at Everton next Sunday.

NORWICH CITY 7.5
(W 2-1, QPR H)
While at present both Norwich and QPR are enjoying life in mid-table, trends of recent seasons suggest the newly-promoted duo are likely to slide as the season wears on, and it will be at that stage that these three points will start to feel particularly valuable for the Canaries.

EVERTON 7.5
(W 2-0, Bolton A)
The Toffees could be forgiven for feeling they’ve finally turned the corner after yet another sluggish start to a Premier League campaign. This win, combined with last week’s against Wolves, gives Everton back-to-back league victories for the first time this term, and helps allay fears of a season battling the drop – for now at least. While Cahill continues to struggle to find the net, new-boy Vellios at least seems to have quickly developed the knack.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 7
(D 1-1, Man United A)
Bouncing back from last week’s first defeat of the season at Man City looked like being quite some task given the venue of their next match, but Toon dug deep and once again displayed the kind of defensive resolve that has seen them become the Premier League’s early season surprise packages. While their penalty was more than fortunate, having endured such wretched luck at Old Trafford over the last two decades, they’re unlikely to lose much sleep over it.

FULHAM 6.5
(D 1-1, Arsenal A)
Of the many, many draws the Cottagers look likely to achieve this season (18 or so, at this rate), this will be one of the more rewarding. A resolute defensive showing – with the in-form Van Persie largely kept at arm’s length – was almost enough to seal a first ever win away to the Gunners, only for Vermaelen to level for the hosts late on. Performances are certainly improving and Jol will hope a similar upturn in results follows.

MANCHESTER CITY 6
(D 1-1, Liverpool A)
For only the second time this season City dropped league points, but unlike at Craven Cottage, they’ll have been relieved to escape Anfield with a draw. Perhaps for the first time domestically this term, City were second best, and when Balotelli was harshly dismissed Mancini must have feared the worst. Only another superb showing from Hart helped secure a draw preserved the five-point gap between the league leaders and their Manchester neighbours at the summit.

LIVERPOOL 6
(D 1-1, Man City H)
Few teams will be disappointed with a draw against City this season, but the Reds must be wondering what could’ve been, after dominating the second half and holding a one-man advantage for the final 10 minutes. Their run of coming up against in-form visiting goalkeepers continued, and the result means Liverpool have now won just two of their seven Premier League home matches this season. Still, it was an improvement on the drab home showings against Norwich and Swansea.

SWANSEA CITY 5.5
(D 0-0, Aston Villa H)
While Brendan Rodgers will be pleased with yet another clean sheet – the Swans’ sixth of the campaign – he may be equally concerned that they once again failed to score, making it three successive blanks, though the previous two fixtures were against Liverpool and Manchester United. Against Villa they seemed to lack any real creative spark or cutting edge in the final third, though the players could be excused if their minds were elsewhere, given the tragic events that preceded the match.

ASTON VILLA 5.5
(D 0-0, Swansea A)
Another away day without a goal, but at least Villa at times showed the attacking intent that had been missing from last Monday’s dismal showing at Tottenham. Agbonlahor once again looked the visitors’ most dangerous player – indeed he was the only man in a claret shirt to muster a shot on target.

ARSENAL 5
(D 1-1, Fulham H)
With Van Persie starved of openings and Gervinho benched for the first 70 minutes, the Gunners couldn’t overcome the well-organised visitors. The midfield three of Arteta, Song and Ramsey failed to make a much impact in the opposition half, but, despite what on the face of it is a disappointing result, there were still positives. Walcott continued his recent impressive form, with his delivery for Vermaelen’s equaliser a particular highlight.

MANCHESTER UNITED 5
(D 1-1, Newcastle H)
With City dropping points at Anfield, United will retrospectively see this as an opportunity spurned to close the gap at the summit. Though they can point to the baffling penalty decision that allowed Newcastle to level the scores, the champions should also have a long hard look at their wayward shooting – their failure to find a second goal wasn't all down to Tim Krul in the opposition goal, after all. A far cry from the free-scoring days of early season.

BLACKBURN ROVERS 4.5
(L 3-1, Stoke A)
For once, Steve Kean’s insistence that everything was hunky-dory wasn’t entirely misplaced, despite his side being beaten yet again. Rovers created enough chances to get something from the game and on another day this game could perhaps have swung the other way. But once again, sloppy defending was their undoing, with a needlessly conceded free-kick, a half-hearted block attempt and a failure to deal with a long punt up field costing them dear. Nelsen can’t return soon enough.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION 4
(L 3-1, Tottenham H)
Hodgson will be disappointed his team were unable to maintain the pace they set in the first 20 minutes, during which time they put Spurs completely on the back foot and took the lead through Mulumbu’s header. Had Brunt taken his second-half chance it may well have finished level. Things should improve when Odemwingie and Long are both fit for long enough to appear on the pitch at the same time and forge an understanding at the sharp end.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS 4
(L 2-1, Norwich A)
You can only imagine Neil Warnock told his players that, if they could silence intimidating crowds at Goodison, Molineux and the Britannia by securing impressive away wins then they could do the same at Carrow Road. Sadly for the Rs it didn’t work out that way, with the West Londoners never really able to get into their stride against their promotion partners. Still, Shaun Derry’s moustache looks good.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS 3
(L 3-0, Chelsea A)
While nobody expected Wolves to come away from Stamford Bridge with one point, let alone three, most would at least expect McCarthy’s team to ‘let the opposition know they’re in a game’, to coin a (meaningless) phrase. Gone are the days of Wolves being a difficult team to play against, one that will constantly harry opponents, chase down every ball and be rigidly organised for set pieces at both ends. Despite what looked some decent investment in the summer, they currently look a shell of the side they were last term – which can’t be good news.

BOLTON WANDERERS 3
(L 2-0, Everton H)
Coyle’s side don’t seem to be able to build any momentum. The 5-0 thumping of Stoke that was supposed to ignite their campaign has been followed up by meek back-to-back defeats, leaving the Trotters in the bottom three with a third of the season now gone. Of most concern to the Reebok faithful will be the fact there is seemingly little progress being made, and with key men Holden and Lee unlikely to return before spring, the struggle looks like continuing for a while yet.

SUNDERLAND 2
(L 2-1, Wigan H)
Up until this point the Black Cats had defended reasonably well this season, with just 13 goals shipped in their opening dozen matches – their problems have largely been at the other end. Yet a clumsily and needlessly conceded penalty and a last-gasp calamity of defensive errors saw Bruce’s men beaten at home by the side who had previously been bottom of the league, having scored just twice on their previous five away jaunts. No wonder the locals were miffed – the manager is surely staring down the barrel...

Weekend analysis with Stats Zone, from FourFourTwo & OPTA

Remembering Gary Speed

2011-11-28T13:26:00Z

The Premier League Legends were in Barbados this June to play in a 7-a-side tournament and meet old friends and foes over a dark rum and coke.

I was there to work. Well, sort of. When you tell your wife that you “have to go to Barbados with ‘the footballers’ for a job” you can imagine the reaction. Work involved getting 16 interviews done over five days on the beautiful Caribbean island. Some interviews would be easy as I knew the players, others less so. I didn’t know Gus Poyet, Gianfranco Zola, Frank Leboeuf, Alan Shearer or Gary Speed and needed to speak to all for FourFourTwo magazine.

A few days into the trip and the players were leaving the hotel at 5pm for a bus to the stadium. I got to the reception at 4pm and waited. The players started to pass by. They had nothing else to do and many stopped to make small talk. Most knew I was a journalist, which could warrant a blanking, but they liked FourFourTwo. Besides, I’d been invited by a player and was considered ‘safe’ and ‘trustworthy.’

“What if I meet a bird on the beach then you pop up with a camera?” asked one single player to a tabloid journalist. But even he knew that journalist and it was said half in jest. The mood was good.

The ex-pros also inevitably gossiped about what X or Y was up too. There were as many negative stories as positive ones. Divorce, gambling, financial problems. It’s not all milk and honey just because you used to be a football star.

I needed to speak to some of the Chelsea and Newcastle lads, that’s why I sat in reception waiting. The Happy Mondays might have done it, but returning from a work trip in the Caribbean with no work was not an option.

I saw Gary Speed approach through the palms. I’d always admired him from afar as a player. He scored well on the grapevine too. He wasn’t a big-time knob. He’d looked after himself after finishing playing, his good looks hadn’t faded and he still dressed well. He was also the current manager of Wales, more reason to interview him.

You sometimes think that you know famous people through their public persona. You don’t. So never take anything for granted when you ask a straightforward question.

I told Speed that I was from FourFourTwo and that I’d like 15 minutes of his time to talk about tactics at some point over the next two days. He said it would be fine and we arranged to meet at breakfast the next day. He was busy having breakfast with Shearer the following morning so I didn’t bother him, but I did see him later on. He said meet in an hour. He wasn’t there in an hour.

He turned up half-an-hour later, apologised for being late and then said that we should do the interview in his room rather than a public area. I walked with him to his room and made small talk.

Mentioned that I’d interviewed Danny Collins, one of his Wales players, a month before. Collins had fallen out with the Wales manager John Toshack before being recalled by Speed for the Euro 2012 qualifiers.

“I’ve really enjoyed playing under Speed,” enthused Collins. “The training is great and he’s really professional. I also respect the fact that he’s played over 500 Premier League games. If we can get our full squad out – which we need – then I think we can give it a good go at reaching the 2014 World Cup finals. I hope to still be playing then. I was a late starter so I’m not ready to give up yet.”

Speed reckoned Danny was “a good lad.” Such phrases oil and uphold reputations within football.

We got to his room and both sat on a sofa by the side of his bed. He wore an understated Rolex and a Ralph Lauren polo. I put a tape recorder between us and spoke about tactics for seven minutes, specifically scoring from a free-kick from near the touchline, in line with the edge of the 18-yard box. He was serious and went into precise detail.

Then we talked about what to say to players when they are underdogs, before a match and at half-time. One passage stuck out, with Speed saying: “Hard work beats talent if talent doesn’t work hard – that’s what I tell my players. The best players, the most talented ones, usually work harder than anyone. We have to better that work rate.”

That philosophy was paying off for Wales.

Then we did an interview, called: ‘At The End of the Day’. I looked back through it when I heard the terrible news of his death on Sunday. Some lines stand out a mile.

“I was heartbroken the day I left Newcastle, but football breaks your heart all the time,” Speed said.

Asked for his proudest moment in football, he said: “Being captain of my country, Wales.”

He still regretted not taking that penalty against Romania in 1993 and said: “If I had missed then it would be easier for me to live with it…”

There were more questions, like: “One thing you couldn’t live without?”

“My kids,” replied Speed. “I’ve got two at 14 and 12.”

The final question was: ‘What item do you cherish most?’ Sometimes footballers go onto auto-pilot in interviews. They talk clichés, niceties and nonsense. Speed paused for a good 30 seconds.

“Certainly nothing material,” he replied. “I don’t even know where my championship medal is from Leeds. So I’d say family. We’re an item and they mean everything to me.”

I thanked him for his time and wished him well, only pausing to remind him that he’d ruined the summer of an 18-year-old in 1992 by winning the league with Leeds. He smiled and said: “I think you’ve seen your team win enough. That was my only trophy in football.”

I left the room with a positive impression of Gary Speed being a well-rounded individual who had made a great success of his life through a combination of hard work, dedication and talent. No different from the many people who have worked with him in football and are likewise stunned and saddened by his death.

INTERVIEW: Gary Speed discusses his career with Andy Mitten

How we picked the world's 100 best footballers

2011-11-28T10:00:00Z

Yes, it’s back. For a fifth year, we at FourFourTwo have put our heads together to present you with our take on which 100 individuals are truly the greatest players in the world right now.

It hasn’t been easy. Oh, it’s been fun – deciding upon the globe’s best footballers is, of course, the pub conversation to end all pub conversations – at least for the most part, until punches were thrown and coffee was spilt.

For this is the hardest job in football journalism. How do you decide upon the very best? How do you compare a goalkeeper to a striker; a 34-year-old veteran to a prodigious youngster half his age; a gritty, reliable centre-back to a slick trequartista with a slide-rule pass and an eye for goal?

To an extent, of course, you can’t. We’ve worked hard on this list to make it as definitive as possible, but as time changes, so will the protagonists. Form is temporary, class is permanent – but if one of our top 100 now hits a colossal loss of form, that can’t be helped.

So here’s how we at FFT go about it. First, we get a hat and write down the names of every footballer in the world right now...

No, really. We speak to our vast legion of experts from around the globe; the people we turn to for that extra bit of insight on a player or team from their region. Spain, Italy, Portugal, Russia, Brazil – they’ve seen the lot and we’ve canvassed their opinions, to add to our own.

Once we’ve seen our overseas experts’ recommendations and included the domestic players we believe are at the very peak, we have well over 150 names. Then comes the whittling. It’s ruthless: we read every report, look at every stat, watch every video, but if a player doesn’t look the real deal, he’s out. Simple.

A darkened room welcomes us. We have just over 100 names; now we have to put them in a sensible order – no mean feat when you have to consider everything from form and importance within a team, to potential and overall class. Out comes the whiteboard and the markers.

By breaking the list down into positions, we can rank every defender, forward and so on, and once we have each mini-list, slot them together. There’s a lot of scrubbing – fortunately, we’ve not had a repeat of the permanent marker “No, he’s crap” incident from last year.

Finally, we have our top 100, ready for your delectation.

This process has been undertaken every year since 2007, inclusive. Back in those heady pre-Euro 2008 days, England had 13 players in our top 100 – the most of any country. Since then both Spain and Germany have improved immeasurably, while other countries, clubs and leagues have declined or joined them on the rise.

We’ll be asking our global experts on FourFourTwo.com for their take on local success or malaise. We’ll also have, every day from Tuesday to Friday this week, an alphabetical list of the top 10 players in their position – goalkeepers, defenders, midfielders, and forwards (note: this doesn’t necessarily equate to the best 40 players in the world). These will appear daily over at out lists page.

Most importantly, we want you to get in touch. Seriously, we do – please join the conversation, because we’ll try to respond to a few questions/rants/death threats about the list towards the end of next week. Send your feedback, however short or long, to @FourFourTwoEd on Twitter with the hashtag #FFT100, or on Facebook, or via email (contact@fourfourtwo.com) – you can even write a letter if you’re so inclined, but please, no more boxes of dog muck...

The January issue, featuring the full feature on the 100 Best Players in the World, is out on Wednesday, December 7. We don’t expect you all to agree with it – but we hope you all enjoy it.

And by the way, top of that first list in 2007 was Kaka, with Lionel Messi a ‘lowly’ fifth. How times change…

LIST FFT's Top Ten Goalkeepers
LIST FFT's Top Ten Defenders
LIST FFT's Top Ten Midfielders
LIST FFT's Top Ten Forwards

Why Barca focus on developing smaller players - behind the scenes at La Masia

2011-11-23T14:06:00Z

We couldn't help but notice, upon nosing through pictures of Barcelona's recently redeveloped La Masia academy, that the beds are rather tiddly, which perhaps explains a lot.

You're not going to cram a future 6ft5in target-man into one of those

Man Utd aren't the only club to be heavily involved with the glazers...

Where the next Messi will have growth hormones mashed into his breakfast

Ikea Madrid struggled to shift the Blaugrana range of storage units

Either a bench for tactical debriefings, or some kind of communal toilet...

"No spinning, and certainly no verticals!"

*Insert 'taking corners' joke here*

"That Zonal Marking has sussed us out, gaffer!"

Players may leave, but must first pass through the haunted corridor of doom

Prem Ratings: City still golden without Silva, as Spurs get what they deserve

2011-11-22T09:00:00Z

FourFourTwo's James Maw rates the weekend's Premier League action, as Chelsea stumble to another home defeat and Manchester City march on...

Manchester City 8.5
(W 3-1, Newcastle H)
Mancini’s side continued their march on the Premier League title, brushing aside a previously unbeaten Newcastle with relative ease. Even without Silva – rested on Saturday - City look like being too much for most in the division. A worrying thought for the rest.

Tottenham Hotspur 8.5
(W 2-0, Aston Villa H)
Their Monday night win took them third, a position they more than deserve given they have surely been the league's third best team so far this term. Having wobbled in their most recent wins, Spurs were back at their best against Villa, and should really have won by four or five. The imperious defensive performance of Kaboul meant that two was more than enough. With West Brom, Bolton, Stoke and Sunderland their next four, it's time to make hay while the sun is shining (even though it's winter...)

Arsenal 8.0
(W 2-1, Norwich A)
The narrow margin of victory flattered Norwich, as Arsenal attacked with the kind of verve that saw them so feared a few years back. With all the ‘one man team’ talk that has followed Robin van Persie's recent sensational form, the performances of Walcott and Gervinho will have been particularly pleasing for Wenger.

Liverpool 7.5
(W 2-1, Chelsea A)
Perhaps not the most convincing performance, but there’s no doubting the Reds will be happy with the result. Dalglish will be delighted with how his side held off the hosts’ second half storm before popping up the other end to pinch a winner. Now all they have to do is start doing this at home...

Queens Park Rangers 7.5
(W 3-2, Stoke A)
Few would’ve expected the Rs to win at ‘Fortress Britannia’, let alone net three times, but that’s exactly what they did thanks to a superb attacking performance. But they rode their luck too – Stoke saw strong claims for two penalties turned down. At present you'd have to fancy the Hoops to finish the higher of the two sides.

West Bromwich Albion 7.0
(W 2-1, Bolton H)
Not for the first time this season, the Baggies were left thanking their lucky stars for Shane Long’s clinical finishing. The Irishman’s 56th minute strike made all the difference in what had been, up until that stage, a closely fought encounter.

Manchester United 7.0
(W 1-0, Swansea A)
Saturday evening’s win in Wales was far from United’s most convincing or enthralling performance of the season, but it displayed their long-established champions’ knack of sealing victory when most others would drop points.

Everton 7.0
(W 2-1, Wolves H)
The Toffees took a large stride away from the drop-zone with this narrow, scrappy win. Although the visitors enjoyed more possession, Everton generally were able to keep them at arms length, and in the end were deserved winners, even if that decisive strike came from the penalty spot.

Swansea City 6.5
(L 1-0, Man Utd H)
While Swansea deserve credit for sticking to their slick-passing guns over the last three months, this defeat – and one in which they played very well - will perhaps serve as a reminder that there is still a time and place for the humble hoof. Had Angel Rangel realised this, they would quite probably have taken a point.

Fulham 5.5
(D 0-0, Sunderland A)
This rather stale performance came as something as a surprise, given it followed their far more impressive display at home to Spurs prior to the international break. Two wins in twelve will have all at the club concerned.

Norwich City 5.5
(L 2-1, Arsenal H)
The Canaries will be ruing coming up against the newly reinvigorated Gunners, rather than the out-of-sorts early-season version. They will still take encouragement from the way they were able to frustrate the Londoners, even if it wasn’t enough on this occasion.

Newcastle United 5.0
(L 3-1, Man City A)
So it has finally come to pass – Newcastle United have been beaten, despite a spirited performance at Eastlands. Bouncing back quickly will be key to avoid a prompt slide back to midtable, though with Old Trafford their next destination that’ll be easier said then done.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 5.0
(L 2-1, Everton A)
While this was an improvement on some of his side’s recent performances, McCarthy will be worried his side created so little – just the one shot on target - despite having more of the ball than their opponents. The slide continues.

Sunderland 4.5
(D 0-0, Fulham H)
This was as disappointing and frustrating a draw as a Premier League side is likely to endure this season. The Black Cats mustered just three shots on target at home to a side who are notoriously poor travelers, which will have done little to appease their concerned fanbase.

Blackburn Rovers 4.0
(D 3-3, Wigan A)
Entertaining though it may have been, Saturday’s draw at the DW helped neither side. Though their comeback deserves credit, Rovers’ defending was largely atrocious, and this kind of performance won’t see them pick up points against most other sides.

Wigan Athletic 4.0
(D 3-3, Blackburn H)
Like Rovers, Wigan won’t be satisfied with this point. While they could rightly point to the curious Pedersen corner which lead to Blackburn’s second, their defending for their first was abysmal, and they’ll be kicking themselves at blowing the lead in the sixth minute of injury time.

Stoke City 4.0
(L 3-2, QPR A)
We’d like to call this an uncharacteristically shoddy defensive performance, but given the Potters have shipped 14 goals in their last four league matches, perhaps the days of Pulis’ men being a tough nut to crack are coming to an end. That said, they had the chances to at least draw this one.

Aston Villa 3.5
(L 2-0, Tottenham A)
Though Villa were unlucky to face a Spurs side in such fine fettle, their manager's curious tactics did little to help their cause. Deploying Alan Hutton on the right of midfield and Heskey on the left did little to prevent Bale and Lennon causing havoc from the wings, while neither Spurs fullback was given too much to worry about either. Not a performance that will help McLeish win over the doubters among the club's fanbase.

Bolton Wanderers 3.5
(L 2-1, West Brom A)
The Trotters reverted to type after their 5-0 thumping of Stoke, with a meek second half display at the Hawthorns seeing Coyle’ side beaten for the ninth time in 11 league matches. This kind of timid showing is fast becoming a worrying norm for the men from the Reebok.

Chelsea 3.0
(L 2-1, Liverpool H)
Although at one stage of the second half the Blues looked the more likely winners, their defence was so exposed that Liverpool were always going to be in with a shout. Plenty has been said of their high defensive line, but it was sloppy passing and a lack of concentration that was the West Londoners’ undoing. They currently look far closer to the chasing pack of Spurs, Arsenal and Liverpool than the leading lights of Manchester, and their points tally is a clear reflection of that.

H&V: Big Four throwbacks, goalscoring moxie and premature commentary

2011-11-21T10:08:00Z

Heroes

Liverpool
After his second successive win there, Stamford Bridge is becoming something of a happy hunting ground for Kenny Dalglish. The match itself was a throwback to ‘Big Four’ clashes of yore, rather than your 2011 standard goal-fest, and in a game petering out to a 1-1 draw it was the away side who managed to find the break-through.
With all the old boy talk centring on Chelsea subs Torres and Meireles, it was Liverpool's ex-Chelsea full-back who came up with the goods, with Glen Johnson's jinking run and cool left-footed finish proving the difference. What will please the Anfield faithful most is the way they hung on after the break when Chelsea looked to be in the ascendancy, especially when Danny Sturridge levelled soon after the break.
Liverpool are locked on 22 points along with Spurs, Chelsea and Arsenal, and with the Manchester clubs already 12 points away, the race for the Champions League berths could be one of the most open in recent years.

Robin van Persie
Arsene Wenger reportedly told journalists he would consider his future at the end of the current season, hinting that he may have ‘taken the club as far as he can’, as the old saying goes.
After the match he seemed to step down from this stance, having seen his side continue their recovery with a hard-fought win at Carrow Road. Robin van Persie continued his staggering calendar year with goals number 30 and 31 from 29 appearances in 2011. Goal 31 was particularly special, a right-footed chip over Norwich keeper John Ruddy the perfect demonstration of what a natural goal-scorer the Dutchman has become.
Reports of Arsenal's demise were greatly exaggerated, it seems, as this was Arsenal's tenth win in 12 games and a match the Gunners would surely have dropped points in during the early weeks of the campaign. As a note of caution though, after Norwich's opener you'd be forgiven for wondering: just what is the question if Per Mertesacker is the answer?

Everton
David Moyes' men silenced the Blue Union protest group who held a demonstration before kick-off calling for Bill Kenwright to sell the perennially skint Merseyside club.
The manner of the victory was typically Evertonian, a late Leighton Baines penalty edging a tight, physical encounter against Wolves. The left side proved to be the most fertile for Everton in their second home win of the season, with Baines and Drenthe showing evidence of a blossoming understanding with some good work on the flank.
A just-about deserved win then, but Everton are at least three players short of their 2008 best under Moyes, meaning the investment the Blue Union are calling for is long overdue.

Manchester City's Destroyers
Another match, another convincing win and another ludicrous set of statistics. City have now scored at least three times in 10 of their 12 Premier League matches this season and if they continue their current scoring rate will have hit the back of the net 130 times by the end of the season.
But Saturday’s home fixture with previously unbeaten Newcastle was another stern test of mettle for Roberto Mancini's men, particularly without their talisman, David Silva. It's true that City are less eye-catching without their playmaker, but what they lacked in cohesion, they made up for in muscle against Alan Pardew’s spirited Magpies.
The Etihad Stadium's resident destroyers took top billing to end the Magpie's unbeaten run, with De Jong finally looking up to speed after an injury lay-off and Yaya Toure continuing his fine run of form breaking up Newcastle's play and embarking on his trademark marauding runs.
It was Micah Richards who was named man of the match after a goalscoring star turn. His exile from the England squad continues to baffle.

Yakubu
Whether Rovers fans like it or not, Blackburn's late, late rally keeps Steve Kean in employment for another week and their portly predator weighed in with another vital brace.
Yakubu's penalty nine minutes into stoppage time secured a priceless point in their battle against relegation. It was an anarchic end to the match, with keeper Paul Robinson fouled by David Jones to win the spot kick to save the club from their ninth league defeat.
In truth, it was another disjointed performance from the team, with poor defending and goalkeeping from Robinson on Wigan's first and third goals making for an uphill struggle for Steve Kean's men.

Heidar Helguson
Only Robin Van Persie has scored more Premier League goals than Helguson in the past month and the Icelandic striker also showed his moxie in QPR's entertaining win at the Britannia Stadium.
Neil Warnock was full of praise for the spirited front-man, “I thought Heidar Helguson epitomised us today. He has got a lump the size of a golf ball on his cheekbone from the first minute but he was fantastic for us in both boxes.”
Helguson was a thorn in the side of Manchester City before the international break and repeated the trick against Stoke's gargantuan defence with two more goals for his tally.
The Rs are enjoying a rich vein of form of late, founded on a durable and technically gifted central midfield of Faurlin and Barton, all contributing to that rare smile on Neil Warnock's face.

Villains

Scott Sinclair & Angel Rangel
Swansea managed to suppress the Champions' attacking overtures for much of their rather flat Saturday evening encounter, limiting United to just a handful of decent chances.
It could have been even better for the Liberty Stadium faithful had Scott Sinclair managed to convert a cut back half way through the first period. It was a momentary lack of concentration that proved costly in a game of few chances and proved to be a cruel lesson in the importance of being clinical in front of goal for the newly-promoted side.
Still, Sinclair was one of the Jacks' most dangerous players - their principal threat coming from the wings with Lloyd Dyer also doing enough to give Phil Jones and Patrice Evra a few headaches. Sinclair's miss was one of two fatal moments that settled this match, Angel Rangel was the other guilty party.
It's admirable that the Welsh team refuse to abandon their ethos of aesthetically pleasing football but if you're going to pass the ball out of defence, probably best not to find Ryan Giggs rather than your own team-mate. Fortunately his manager was more forgiving than Giggs and Hernandez…
"Blame's on me. I ask the players to play. He could have smashed the ball, but we look to pass our way out of trouble and they are clinical.”

Bolton Wanderers
…and everything was looking so rosy. Wanderers fans will be craving for another International break after a second-half collapse saw them come unstuck at The Hawthornes.
Most worrying of all for Coyle will be the team's total lack of direction in the second-half with balls being launched up to Kevin Davies who looked to have forgotten what to do with them. Chris Eagles was symptomatic of a rudderless display, giving possession away on several occasions against a hungrier West Brom side who arrested control of the match after the break.
The club laid on free travel for the Wanderers faithful to boost their away support but even that gimmick won't be enough to attract much repeat business for their trip to White Hart Lane in a fortnight. Back to the relegation zone and back to the drawing board for Coyle and Co.

Stoke City
No Europa League to blame this time for the Potters and that famous line about going to the Britannia Stadium is fast becoming a myth. Stoke have now lost their last two at home and the optimism and expectation raised after the signings of Crouch and Palacios seems to be weighing heavily on a small squad.
Tony Pulis urged his team to “stick together” after this latest defeat that leaves Stoke second bottom of the form table, having lost their last four games. Stoke probably did enough to snatch a point against QPR, especially seeing as Mike Jones turned down a decent penalty shout, but shipping three goals at home proved just too much for them in the end.
Pulis has earned deserved praise for keeping Stoke's above water in a competitive division but when their divisive tactics and occasional over-physicality aren't successful, it ain't half ugly. An eminently winnable home game against Blackburn on Saturday can't come soon enough.

Andre Villas-Boas
You have to feel for Chelsea's 34-year old boss. In a dressing room packed with strong characters, his attempts to revamp Chelsea into a Barcelona-esque pressing and ball-retaining juggernaut are admirable but fundamentally flawed.
Unfortunately for AVB, Chelsea are around 20 years behind the Camp Nou side and the chances of him being given even a quarter of that time to realise his vision are about as slim as his chairman's model girlfriend.
A second successive defeat at Stamford Bridge for the first time in a decade must force Villas-Boas back to basics or discontented murmurs are likely to increase in volume against an impatient backdrop.

Fulham and Sunderland
If Nytol ever loses its clout, source yourself a DVD of this match. Scrappy, tense and severely lacking in quality, the final whistle was sweet relief for 37,688 hardly souls who probably wished they'd used their Saturday afternoons on something more exciting, like washing the car.

Martin Tyler
Dear Martin, next time you start excitedly describing a Didier Drogba free-kick goal, best make sure it's, y'know, in the goal first...

Football finances need investigation, not speculation

2011-11-11T11:34:00Z

An economist at the University of Portsmouth has recommended that Premier League clubs televise more games, as it would result in far greater TV revenue at the cost of only a slight decrease in match-day gate revenue.

Adam Cox, of the Portsmouth Business School, has suggested that increased televising of games for clubs across the division would "help redress the imbalance in overall earnings, and therefore in the fortunes, of clubs at the bottom of the league," arguing that currently "the Premier League is acting as a cartel to protect clubs’ gate revenue by artificially limiting the number of rights to screen games".

Cox used a statistical model to measure losses in revenue, analysing data from a number of sources including Setanta Sports, Sky Sports, National Statistics and Virgin Media, from 2004 to 2008. Following his study, Cox suggests that "all three parties – fans, broadcasters and clubs – would be better off if the number of Premiership matches shown on television was increased".

While economically this may make a certain top-line sense, the study raises a number of questions. For a start, it only takes into account gate revenue, ignoring other important matchday income streams (food, drink, merchandise).

The central thrust of the study is also very arguable. Cox's main point is that gate revenue across the 20 clubs only drops by £232,237 per broadcast, while TV reimbursement in the 2007/08 season averaged at £4.12m a game. However, this is divided between the 20 clubs, with more for those who are televised – and elementary maths tells us that £4.12m divided by 20 is £206,000 per club, even before we take into account the weighting away from those clubs not on TV (and therefore competing with the allure of sofa or pub).

"Yay! We're making clubs rich!"

Speaking of weighting, the study says that the top four clubs – defined as Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United – would see gate takings drop by an average £50,060 per televised game (2.4%), but the bottom five clubs (here mysteriously defined as Birmingham, Middlesbrough, Sunderland, West Brom and Wigan) would lose £169,839 – a rather painful 21.47% of their takings.

In other words, televising fixtures hurts less successful clubs much more than the big boys at the top – who are already benefiting more than others from the Premier League prize-money allocations.

THE WIDER PICTURE
Furthermore, if Premier League clubs were to be televised more often, as the study suggests, it would cater only for their (to use Cox's word) "cartel" – increasing their earnings but providing nothing for the teams playing in the divisions below them.

Perhaps most importantly, Cox fails to consider the whole picture, completely ignoring the Football League. In doing so, he fails to consider the impact that increased broadcasting of the Premier League may have on the structure of the English game as a whole.

Cox believes that televising more Premier League games "would benefit the clubs with more money to buy greater playing talent, which will then attract more audiences, and would also benefit customers as they have a greater choice of where they can watch a football match".

This in itself is highly assumptive but even so, if this were to happen, surely the already widening gulf between the Premier League and the Football League would increase further and faster.

Premier League clubs would become far richer, meaning that those that are relegated each season would be at such an advantage to the other teams in the Championship that the likelihood of their immediate promotion back into the Premier League would be even greater than at present.

The broadcasting of more Premier League games would also overshadow or replace the Football League games that do get shown live at the current time, decreasing the revenue of Football League clubs and widening the gap between them and the Premier League.

FURTHER PROBLEMS
Furthermore, the study assumes that Sky and ESPN would continue to pay broadcasting fees at the same rate for a larger pool of fixtures, which somewhat ignores the economic law of supply and demand – speaking of which, is Cox quite sure that viewers would continue to watch in the same volume as they do now?

That in turn raises another point. Let's say, for the sake of academic enquiry, all Premier League games are televised. Unless the fixture list is fanned out over the entire weekend to ensure no two games are on simultaneously, wouldn't fans be forced to choose between competing games – probably favouring the teams at the top rather than bottom?

It's difficult to understand why this study has been released now, with the majority of the Premier League seemingly content with the current TV revenue format. When Liverpool’s MD Ian Ayre was recently quoted as proposing dismantling the Premier League’s current collective-bargaining system for overseas TV revenue in favour of individual rights sales, few football figures supported him.

Indeed, Ayre's comments caused such widespread condemnation that he was forced into backtracking, saying he didn't want to end the collective bargaining but wished to change the way the money was distributed. As it stands, overseas revenue is split equally between all 20 teams in the league, with each club receiving £17,926,595 last season, whereas domestic rights are split – 50% distributed equally among the teams, 25% on merit by league position and 25% according to number of appearances.

Premier League: Not half bad?

Although it could distribute its money more fairly among its members (and certainly to clubs outside the division), the Premier League is already the most equitable of Europe’s top divisions, with the ratio for last season's TV revenue between the top club Manchester United and the bottom club Blackpool being 1.54:1.

By that rationale, England’s top division distributes TV revenue with far more equality than some of the other leagues in Europe. The German league – in many ways a model of fairness – distributed twice as much to the top club as the bottom, France's Ligue Un was 3.5:1, Italy's Serie A was 10:1 and Spain's La Liga was 12.5:1.

In terms of equal earnings within the top division, the current system works better than most. There are clearly huge discrepancies between the earning power of Premier League and Football League clubs, but that isn't something Cox's study touches upon at all.

Cox’s doubtlessly diligently researched evidence turns up some intriguing findings. But this study feels fundamentally flawed. While football's finances are always worthy of investigation, you would like to imagine that with the current global recession and financial mismanagement encouraging thousands to protest on the street about fiscal inequality, economists could come up with better suggestions than ways for the elite to protect and increase their income at the expense of others.

Prem Ratings: Ghostbusting Bolton, bubbling Magpies and stuttering Liverpool

2011-11-07T14:22:00Z

Bolton 9
(W 5-0, Stoke H)
The Trotters busted the ghosts of last season's FA Cup semi-final thumping by reversing the score on the side who beat them at Wembley in April. In doing so, they won only their second game in ten. Kevin Davies and Klasnic a handful throughout while Eagles finally looks like he might fulfil his undoubted potential. The winger scored a brace at the weekend and tormented Stoke’s defence all afternoon.

Wolves 8.5
(W 3-1, Wigan H)
O’Hara inspired Wolves to a 3-1 win against bottom-placed Wigan at Molineux. The home side would have scored more were it not for Ali Al-Habsi’s heroics in the Wigan goal. A first win in nine was well-received by Mick McCarthy, who even enjoyed the support of the sometimes hostile Molineux crowd on Sunday. A potentially huge mental boost.

Arsenal 8
(W 3-0, WBA H)
The Gunners cruised to a 3-0 win, with Van Persie again on the scoresheet. The flying Dutchman is the division’s form player this season and added two assists to his goal on Saturday. Elsewhere Ramsey and Arteta impressed in the middle of the park while the welcome return of Thomas Vermaelen produced a clean sheet and a first goal of the season for the defender.

Newcastle 8  
(W 2-1, Everton H)
  Despite having to re-jig their midfield with Tiote still out injured and Cabaye hobbling off after half an hour, Newcastle performed well. They were lucky to take the lead through a Heitinga own-goal but there was nothing lucky about their second, Ryan Taylor slamming home from 30 yards in off the crossbar. The Newcastle bubble remains intact.

Swansea 8
(D 0-0, Liverpool A)
Swansea had goalkeeper Michael Vorm to thank for a point at Anfield, with the Dutchman keeping his fifth clean sheet of the season as Brendan Rodgers’ side frustrated Liverpool. And they had the chances to win the game, with Mark Gower blazing the best of them over the bar. Rodgers will be delighted with a point as Swansea remain in the top half.   

Aston Villa 7.5
(W 3-2, Norwich H)
Agbonlahor was the best player on the pitch at Villa Park this weekend, scoring one and assisting both of Bent’s goals as his side struggled to overcome a resilient Norwich side. Villa looked comfortable going forward through Bent and Agbonlahor but conceding two at home is never ideal. A first win in four eases the pressure on McLeish and moves Villa up to eighth.

Manchester City 7
(W 3-2, QPR A)
Many are running out of superlatives to describe David Silva this season, and despite having a relatively quiet game, his goal in the second half was the best moment in the match. Yaya Toure rose highest to score the winner, and while the three points were the priority, City will be concerned at their record of just one clean sheet in their past seven games, and how much they struggled at the back without the suspended Kompany.

Tottenham 7
(W 3-1, Fulham A)
A Redknapp-less Spurs can count themselves lucky to come away from Craven Cottage with all three points after being outplayed by Fulham. A deflected Bale effort, followed by a fantastic goal from Lennon gave Spurs a 2-0 lead at half-time, but the second half was far less comfortable. Defoe secured the points in the 93rd minute with a firm volley that flew past Schwarzer, meaning Spurs remain in fifth with a game in hand.

Chelsea 7
(W 1-0, Blackburn A)
Frank Lampard scored his fifth goal in five games to give Chelsea the win at Ewood Park. Chelsea were disappointing though, and were fortunate that Blackburn couldn’t finish on a number of opportunities - though the best chance was spurned by Torres at the other end. Chelsea stay in fourth place, ahead of Spurs on goal difference.

Manchester United 6.5
(W 1-0, Sunderland H)
Fergie’s anniversary was celebrated with a 1-0 win at Old Trafford, United old-boy Wes Brown scoring an own-goal to hand his former team all three points. Rooney was again influential in a midfield role, with Welbeck and Hernandez lining up ahead of him. An unbelievable series of saves from Westwood limited the score to 1-0, with Rooney and Evra both having efforts saved late on.

Queens Park Rangers 6
(L 3-2, Manchester City H)
QPR gave City the closest league game of their season so far at Loftus Road. Jay Bothroyd was again on the scoresheet and continues to excel in the absence of Adel Taarabt, while the central midfield partnership of Joey Barton and Alejandro Faurlin fought well against City’s normally dominant midfield. QPR are definitely a club on the rise.

Liverpool 5
(D 0-0, Swansea H)
More dropped points at home for Dalglish’s side. Despite being unbeaten at Anfield, four of those six games have ended draws, including games against newly promoted Swansea and Norwich. Dalglish rightly criticised some of his expensive signings following the game, as Liverpool have now scored just 14 goals in 11 games, the joint 10th worst record in the league.

Fulham 5
(L 3-1, Tottenham H)
A superb second-half performance that included 24 shots on goal was not enough for the Cottagers as their best attacking efforts were thwarted by an inspired performance from Friedel. Zamora and Dembele looked to strike a decent understanding upfront while the midfield duo of Murphy and Sidwell also impressed.

Everton 4.5
  (L 2-1, Newcastle A)
  After going 2-0 down Everton did well to score minutes before half-time after a fine Drenthe cross found an unmarked Rodwell in the Newcastle area. Everton didn’t play badly, they just didn’t create enough clearcut chances, with too great a gap between Louis Saha up front and the midfield behind him. Moyes’ men have now lost five out of their last six league games.

Norwich 4.5
(L 3-2, Aston Villa A)
Norwich are quickly becoming one of the division's most entertaining teams, with their first eleven games yielding 34 goals. Pilkington scored a fantastic free-kick to give the Canaries the lead on Saturday but they were then outclassed by Villa’s in-form strikers. Having conceded six in their last two games it is clear Lambert needs to work on his defence in the weeks to come.

Sunderland 4.5
(L 1-0, Manchester United A)
Bruce has now failed to win in all 18 games he has managed against his mentor, and the manner of this defeat will have been particularly hard to take. Wes Brown’s own goal proved the difference, with Bruce seething that Sunderland were denied a penalty late on. The early loss of Connor Wickham was a blow to the visitors, as the youngster had looked sharp in recent games, and they will hope he does not face a lengthy spell on the sidelines. Sunderland are now 15th, hovering dangerously above the relegation zone.

Blackburn 4
(L 1-0, Chelsea H)
Despite a banner ban at Ewood Park inventive Blackburn fans hired a plane to fly a ‘Kean out’ banner over the ground, and this result will not have helped the beleaguered manager. Yakubu and Hanley both missed easy chances, while Gael Givet also struck the crossbar late on. Blackburn should have got a point from this game against a lacklustre Chelsea side. Their winless streak is now extended to six games.

WBA 4
(L 3-0, Arsenal A)
West Brom looked bereft of ideas going forward at the Emirates despite lining up with a midfield of Thomas, Morrison, Dorrans and Brunt, all creative players. They have started to drift towards the relegation zone after just two wins in their last 8 and Hodgson will look to address this slump during the international break.

Wigan 3
(L 3-1, Wolves A)
Martinez’s men have now lost eight consecutive games, with no other club in the Premier League’s history going on such a run and avoiding relegation. Wigan have a huge task on their hands and could really do with Hugo Rodallega finding some form after the striker endured yet another horrid performance in front of goal.

Stoke 2.5
(L 5-0, Bolton A)
The absence of Etherington, the poor finishing of Crouch and Howard Webb’s refereeing decisions cost Stoke dearly as they were trounced by Bolton. They have now lost in each of the four league games they have played following Europa League fixtures and this defeat also makes it four consecutive losses in the league.

Get more from the December 2011 issue

2011-11-03T10:37:00Z

The December 2011 issue of FourFourTwo (out now) is packed with fascinating features and illuminating interviews, but we know that you want more. Of course you do. And you’re right to demand it.

And here’s your reward: an extra-special blog to accompany (and expand upon) the new issue, with bonus titbits to sate your footballing hunger. Don’t say we don’t love you.

ONE-ON-ONE: PAUL SCHOLES
Paul Scholes, he scores goals. Or at least he did. Once you've finished reading the great man answer YOUR questions, see why his shooting – if not his tackling – was so famed. Think of it as an enhancer for your reading experience; the biscuits to your nice cup of tea.

And, if you like what you just read, browse through our massive compilation of One-on-One interviews on our online archive.

MATA & SILVA EXCLUSIVES
Want to see exactly why Chelsea and Manchester City were so keen to splash their petrodollars on this pair of Spanish tiki-taka-ing fancy dans? It's because they can run the show at the highest level, as these videos show. First, we have David Silva turning defenders into spectators as he dictates play from midfield before skipping past them or playing the perfect pass.

Of course, Mata is pretty tasty himself. He scores goals, he creates goals and already he looks like he might be the missing part of Chelsea's attacking jigsaw. Here are some of his best bits at Valencia, for your eyes only (and anyone else who wants to see some classy football).

And, for good measure and to illustrate our feature on the Premier League's new midfield maestros, here's fellow mini-magician Luka Modric belting one in against Liverpool. Kapow!

And that's not the end of the midfield marvels. See why we can't wait to see 17-year-old Ross Barkley, 18-year-old Larnell Cole and 17-year-old Denis Suarez (No.10 in the third video) unleashed on the Premier League:

ON THE ROAD WITH LIBYA
The Libyan national football team's incredible journey from fighting Gaddafi to qualifying for the Africa Cup of Nations, which FFT follows in person in the new issue, is just part of a sea change in African football. Our blogger Jonathan Fadugba investigates an unusual set of qualifiers, in which the new Cameroon, Nigeria and South Africa are Botswana, Niger and Zambia – plus Libya themselves.

WHY SPAIN WILL DO A SCOTLAND
Now that Levante's grip on the top spot has been prised free by Madrid and Barcelona's crowbar of money, we're back to a two-horse race in La Liga. Is one of the top two leagues in the world in danger of turning into the SPL, with two teams battling it out for supremacy while other teams stop trying and everyone else stops caring? For regular updates on the weird, wonderful and worrying, take a look at our cracking La Liga Loca blog – we've missives from Spain several times a week.

FOOTBALL CLUBS' UNLIKELIEST OWNERS
From professional gamblers to celebrity boob barons, some unusual folk are in charge of football clubs. Which fruitcake owns your team? Find out with our Rich List, 2011-12.

GREAT GOALS RETOLD: GAIZKA MENDIETA
The one-time Middlesbrough man was the architect of Valencia's success at the turn of the century, and he scored a couple of belters in his time with Los Che. See what the man himself makes of his fine effort against Barcelona in the 1998-99 Copa del Rey, and watch the video – and see more Great Goals Retold besides – here.

GAMES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: NIGEL WINTERBURN
The legendary Arsenal full-back recalls his most memorable matches, from 1983 right up until 1998, and understandably, the Gunners' dramatic 2-0 win at Liverpool to win the 1988-89 First Division title is among the games. Here are the highlights, featuring a tidy free-kick from Winterburn himself to create Arsenal's first (on 4:00).

PERFECT XI: JOHN COLLINS
Once you've read Celtic's first million-pound man picking the ideal team from his former Bhoys, Hibs, Monaco, Everton and Fulham team-mates, take a look at our ever-expanding Perfect XI archive. From George Best to Jamie Carragher, footballing icons' chosen XIs are here.

FOURFOURTWO STATS ZONE
Hey, you. Yes you, reading the ad on page 87. Like the look of FourFourTwo Stats Zone? Then check out the Stats Zone blog, with insight from yours truly and Michael Cox, aka Zonal Marking, the doyen of tactical analysis himself.

FFT TRAVEL: PARIS
So: Paris, eh? City of romance, easily reachable and with PSG, one of the most exciting new teams in Europe, playing there – it doesn't sound like a bad trip for a football fan. But if you don't love the Louvre, take a look at our dozens of football travel guides, to cities and teams alike – and plan your trip now.

PERFORMANCE
Want more than your FourFourTwo Performance pages in the magazine? Have a wander around the Performance website. We have more from Nemanja Vidic, on everything from forming the perfect defensive partnership to bouncing back from criticism.

There's more from James Milner, too, on how to get the best out of training, as well as a multitude of tip-top tactics tutorials and, to go with your new sleep cycle courtesy of the magazine, instruction on what foods help you sleep. Be honest: you weren't expecting cottage cheese on that list, were you?

Like what you see? Subscribe now and nab yourself a special offer!

Scholes unleashed, mini-magicians, Gaddafi, naked marches and Bebeto Jr

2011-11-02T11:34:00Z

The weather’s getting colder and the nights are drawing in, but FourFourTwo is as sizzling as ever. In our brand new December issue, out now, we have exclusive interviews with the Premier League’s hottest Spanish imports, Juan Mata and David Silva, not to mention a fiery, no-holds-barred One-on-One with a little maestro by the name of Paul Scholes...

That’s right: one of England’s finest footballers for a generation, answers your questions on everything from his relationship with Fergie to why England always fail.

The king is dead; long live the king. While Scholes departs, the new stars in town are still those mini-magicians of midfield: the playmakers who take apart an opposition with a sliderule pass. We investigate the phenomenon, and what it means for England.

And who better to explain than the experts themselves? We asked David Silva how he feels about being arguably the best player in the Premier League right now – but still without a guaranteed place in the Spain team.

Meanwhile, in one of our most enlightening ever interviews, we talk to new Chelsea star Juan Mata about...well, everything. Real Madrid, karaoke, his dad being held up in a bank robbery – it’s all here, and all in his own words.

“As a football player, I wasn’t allowed to be on the front line. But in the end, I just took the gun.” Those are the shocking words of Libyan footballer Walid el Kahatroushi – and he’s not alone. FFT travels with Libya to find the incredible truth about a team fighting Gaddafi off the pitch while qualifying for the Africa Cup of Nations on it.

Almost as extraordinary is what lies ahead for Spanish football. With the gap between Real Madrid and Barcelona and the rest of league widening into a chasm, it could all go very wrong for La Liga in the near future. We ask: could Spain 'do a Scotland'?

Stuart Pearce and Hope Powell have been appointed managers of Team GB at the 2012 Olympics, but the arguments rumble on. Don’t be surprised: the British Olympic football team has always been a monumental c**k-up. Read our account of the team’s bizarre history, from upset Celts to rugby-tackling clergymen.

Talking of mistakes, what’s happened to Sheffield? FFT investigates why the Steel City derby between United and Wednesday is taking place in the third tier, and goes along for the (bumpy) ride.

Part five of our youth development series is one of our most fascinating yet: Japan. Find out how the fortunes of an ambitious nation were turned around by an enthusiastic American. They’ll win a World Cup soon, y’know.

But for real craziness, look no further than our dossier on football’s maddest protests. Yellow and green scarves? Pah! We’re talking naked marches, mass graves and lasagne. Now THAT’S sticking it to the man.

And naturally, that’s not all. Also to be found on our glossy pages are an exclusive interview with Welsh captain and the future of Arsenal, Aaron Ramsey, plus interviews with football clubs’ most unlikely owners, from boob barons to professional gamblers.

Want more? Then have our 13 football apps that should exist (Fergie Translator, anyone?), Michel Salgado on how foreigners are killing the Prem, Nemanja Vidic’s tackling masterclass, a Ryan Babel exclusive and the best chants from around the world... EVER. Don’t miss out.

The December 2011 issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by... Paul Scholes, Freddie Ljungberg, Jamie Carragher, Amir Khan, Danny Wilson, Nemanja Vidic, Paddy Kenny, John Ryan, Shinji Ono, Marcus Bean, Lee Strafford, Ryan Babel, Ken Hodcroft, Michel Salgado, Gary Speed, Kieran Gibbs, Kevin Foley, Aaron Ramsey, Jimmy Quinn, David Silva, Martin Allen, David May, Richard Mantell, Bob Rich, John Collins, Nigel Winterburn, Gaizka Mendieta, James Milner, Juan Mata, Roy Hattersley, Tony ‘The Lizard’ Bloom, the Libyan national team, the saviour of Japanese football and the new star of Flamengo, 17-year-old Bebeto Jr.

Like the sound of all that? Click here to subscribe to the mag now!

Premier Ratings: Arsenal's devastating dismantling and Liverpool's professional job

2011-11-01T15:30:00Z

As 39 more goals fly in across thecountry, Charlie Scott runs the rule over the latest top flight action...

Arsenal 9
(W 5-3, Chelsea A)
Arsenal have now lost just one of their last nine in all competitions, and after this devastating dismantling of Chelsea’s backline they storm into November full of confidence. At the other end concerns surrounding their defence rumble on with the imminent return of Thomas Vermaelen seen as key to the side’s hopes of returning to the Champions League next season.

Tottenham 8.5
(W 3-1, QPR H)
Harry Redknapp’s men were irrepressible at times at White Hart Lane on Sunday with Bale, Lennon and Modric all performing superbly. The club have taken 19 points from their last seven games, a feat only matched by high-flying Manchester City. This win takes them to fifth in the table, behind fourth placed Chelsea on goal difference, yet with one game in hand over their London rivals.

Newcastle 8.5
(W 3-1, Stoke A)
Alan Pardew is performing wonders at Newcastle. There, I said it. Newcastle are now third in the table after starting the season superbly, with Pardew’s summer acquisitions proving inspired buys. Demba Ba took the plaudits with his hat-trick last night, but credit must go to the unfamiliar central midfield pairing of Guthrie and Cabaye, with Cheik Tiote out injured.

Swansea 7.5
(W 3-1, Bolton H)
Swansea continued their unbeaten home record with a comfortable win over Bolton. The visitors’ strike was the first goal scored by an opposition team (and it was an own goal) at the Liberty Stadium this season, a hugely impressive stat for a newly promoted side. Sinclair and Graham were again on the scoresheet as the Swans exploited their extra man following the sending off of Ricardo Gardner shortly after the interval.

Liverpool 7
(W 2-0, West Brom A)
King Kenny’s men ground out a decent win at the Hawthorns without ever really moving out of first gear. An early Charlie Adam penalty and a neat Andy Carroll finish shortly before half-time effectively killed off the contest against a weak West Brom side. This was a professional performance from the Reds, and with Swansea visiting Anfield on Saturday they will look to build on this victory before their visit to Stamford Bridge on the 20th.

Manchester City 7
(W 3-1, Wolves H)
City remain five clear at the top but feel this victory was perhaps not as comfortable as it may have been, having endured a nervy final 15 minutes with 10 men after Vincent Kompany was sent off. An injury-time goal from Johnson sealed the win, yet the game should have been put beyond doubt way before the 91st minute.

Manchester United 7
(W 1-0, Everton A)
This trip to Goodison saw the return of Rooney, not only to his boyhood club but also United’s starting line-up. Having taken the lead through Hernandez midway through the first half, United appeared content to sit on their lead, withstanding a barrage of Everton attacks in the second half. A decent win for the champions, particularly when considering Everton’s impressive second-half performance.

Fulham 6
(W 2-0, Wigan A)
They took the lead completely against the run of play through Dempsey before adding a late second through Dembele. A fortunate win, but a win nonetheless. Martin Jol will hope the distraction of the Europa League does not hamper his side’s league performance.

Aston Villa 6
(D 2-2, Sunderland A)
Stiliyan Petrov’s left foot is a thing of wonder. The Bulgarian added another wonder-strike to his collection this weekend, yet sadly it was not enough to secure his side the win. Sunderland fought back well, with both teams scoring in a frantic final ten minutes. Darren Bent will be cursing his miss late on that could have proved decisive against his former club.

Everton 6
(L 1-0, Manchester United H)
David Moyes was rightly disappointed at his side’s failure to get a point from this game. Everton had 11 shots on target, with Baines hitting the cross-bar with a free-kick and Louis Saha squandering numerous opportunities to score. Currently lying in 16th the Merseyside club could rise as high as 9th if they win their game in hand.

Sunderland 5.5
(D 2-2, Aston Villa H)
Despite the result being decided by a dramatic late equaliser this could well be a turning point in Steve Bruce and Sunderland’s season. Connor Wickham justified the hype on Saturday, tormenting Villa’s backline and beginning to look worthy of his £8.1m price tag. With Sessegnon shining and Wickham finding form Sunderland’s season looks to be on the up.

Blackburn 5
(D 3-3, Norwich A)
Steve Kean will be furious at the final result after watching his team dominate proceedings at Carrow Road. Junior Hoillett continues to impress while Mauro Formica also appears to be finding his feet in the Premiership. They need to start winning, fast, otherwise Kean could well find his P45 arriving in the post any day now.

Wolves 5
(L 3-1, Manchester City A)
Outplayed for large spells, McCarthy’s team did well to trouble City in the second half although they did have the luxury of an extra man for the final stages of the game. Wolves are languishing in 17th place, and will now be firmly looking over their shoulder. There appears a long and frustrating season ahead for McCarthy and his men.

QPR 4.5
(L 3-1, Tottenham A)
Despite standing still and letting Spurs run rings around them in the first half Neil Warnock’s men looked far better in the second 45 mintues. The mercurial Taarabt was rightly hauled off at half-time, with his replacement Jay Bothroyd proving far more of a handful for the Spurs defence, combining well with Jamie Mackie and Shaun Wright-Phillips as QPR looked far more of a threat as the game wore on.

Norwich 4
(D 3-3, Blackburn H)
The Canaries did well to get a point in this game, and that’s about all they did well. Blackburn will rue two dropped points, as Norwich were lucky to get anything from the game. They rescued a draw courtesy of a heavily deflected effort from Bradley Johnson and an extremely fortuitous late penalty that was converted by Grant Holt. Delia’s boys are sitting pretty in 8th.

Wigan 4
(L 0-2, Fulham H)
Rock bottom after 10 games with just one win to their name, Wigan fans must be beginning to think that maybe their time in the top division is finally up. They were much the better side on Saturday yet still lost 2-0. Victor Moses remains a rare ray of light in an increasingly bleak season, but even that may soon be extinguished with some suggesting he may be on his way in January.

West Brom 4
(L 2-0, Liverpool H)
A limp performance from West Brom allowed Liverpool to run out easy winners in this fixture. The Baggies fans were furious when referee Lee Mason chose to award Liverpool a ninth minute penalty and were far from complimentary of the officials’ decision-making for the remaining 81 minutes, perhaps distracting from their own team’s poor performance.

Bolton 3.5
(L 3-1, Swansea A)
Bolton can now count themselves in serious trouble having lost eight of their last nine league games, with their last win coming against Wigan, the only team below them. Fans must be praying for Stuart Holden to return from injury while a return to form for both the Davies boys - Kevin and Mark - would not go amiss.

Stoke 3
(L 3-1, Newcastle H)
Broken Brittania? It would seem so. Despite receiving praise for their home form Stoke are only the 11th best side at home in the Premier League this season - though they have faced rather strong opposition. They failed to cope with a tightly knit Newcastle side, and the pace and athleticism of Demba Ba and Leon Best proved too much for Woodgate, Shawcross and Upson.

Chelsea 3
(L 5-3, Arsenal H)
Andre Villas-Boas apparently hauled his side in for a dressing-down on Sunday following their embarrassing performance against Arsenal this weekend. Petr Cech in particular appears a shadow of his former self, and Villas-Boas will no doubt look to address what appears a crisis of confidence in his squad, starting with his goalkeeper.

Tottenham's defensive odd couple look to forge a partnership

2011-10-28T12:00:00Z

They say opposites attract, and football is no different. The history of the game is littered with successful partnerships consisting of players not cut from the same cloth – be it physically or technically.

Tottenham Hotspur defenders Younes Kaboul and Sebastien Bassong certainly fit that mould. France international Kaboul is big, powerful and superb in the air, while Bassong – who went to last summer’s World Cup with Cameroon, the country of his parents – is nimble, quick and good on the ball.

On the basis of FourFourTwo’s meeting with the pair, Kaboul and Bassong are also two very different characters. The former is enthusiastic, outgoing and jovial, while the latter seems more pensive, calm and quiet.

This difference could well be down to their contrasting fortunes with Spurs this season.

While Kaboul has been widely praised for his composed and rock-solid performances at the back – playing in 12 of Spurs’ 14 competitive matches to date – Bassong has been largely left kicking his heels on the sidelines.

A common sight in recent months: Bassong warms up

The stringing-out of Ledley King’s injury-plagued career has seen Bassong play little over two-and-a-half hours of league football so far this term. And being a regular fixture in Harry Redknapp’s Europa League ‘second string’, last week even captaining them, has done little to quell his dissatisfaction.

“It’s naturally frustrating when you’re not playing week in, week out,” Bassong tells FourFourTwo. “I’m wanting to play week in, week out, so when I get a chance to play I’m trying to make sure I do a good job – that’s what I’m getting paid for, after all. That is what the manager is expecting from me.

“That’s how football is – not everybody in the squad can play every game. There is the starting XI and if you’re not in it you just have to accept it and keep trying your best.

“No matter what happens you can only accept the manager’s decision. I’m not going to lie, for me it’s been very tough at times. I didn’t always understand the [manager’s] choices, as I’d been playing well but still got dropped. But that’s football.”

Tottenham’s recent form has been impressive. The North Londoners have taken 16 points from a possible 18 and steadily rose from the bottom of the Premier League at the end of August to fifth place by mid October.

“We had two bad games against Manchester United and Manchester City, and then it was the [international] break,” Kaboul explains. “We knew we had to come back and start the season again, playing at the level we had last year. We’ve been able to do that and from then on we’ve been doing OK.

“We just need to continue in this way and have the belief that it will take us back into the Champions League next year. That’s what we want.”

Kaboul nets against Manchester City, but Spurs are still well beaten

Spurs recent impressive form combined with Arsenal’s early season struggles has lead to much talk of a ‘shift in the balance of power’ in North London. Could it come to pass?

“I don’t know,” comes Kaboul’s honest reply. “When we’ve played them in the last two years we have been better than them, and it’s about us improving rather than them just getting worse.”

“It’s possible we could finish above them,” add Bassong. “But who knows what could happen? The gap is definitely closing, a few years ago Arsenal were a lot better than Tottenham, but now...”

“Henry is not there,” Kaboul quips.

“...and we have been improving and improving and hopefully we will finish above them this season,” Bassong continues.

In last Sunday’s win at Blackburn, Kaboul and Bassong started a league game together for the first time since April 2010, though on that occasion – a 2-1 victory over Chelsea - Kaboul was deployed at right back. Despite rarely being given the chance to prove themselves in tandem, Bassong believes he and Kaboul could be a successful central defensive partnership.

“We enjoy playing together, but we’ve not had the chance to do it too often. There’s a lot of competition at Tottenham, but I think if we get the chances we can make a good partnership. We understand each other and work well together.”

With Michael Dawson still nursing an Achilles injury, Ledley King struggling with continuing knee problems and William Gallas yet to make an appearance this season after suffering two calf injuries, now is perhaps as good a chance as ever for Kaboul and Bassong to stake a claim for dual starting spots.

Bassong and Kaboul 'hug it out' in training

Their story doesn’t start at White Hart Lane, but instead in the youth system of French football in the early years of the last decade.

“We’ve known each other since we were sixteen,” Kaboul, now 25, reveals. “I was at Auxerre and he was at Clairefontaine and then Metz and we would often play against each other in youth tournaments.

As Kaboul reminisces on his formative years in Burgundy under the tutelage of the legendary Guy Roux, his modern day teammate interjects. “Younes was the biggest fella we ever played against, we’d never forget him – he’s always been a big guy.”

“I was at Clairefontaine with players like [Abou] Diaby and [Hatem] Ben Arfa and it was a really good experience to be in that environment. They taught us the skills you need for football, but also they taught us to love football.”

Through the 90s, France’s elite youth academy has churned out such players as William Gallas, Nicolas Anelka and Thierry Henry. While England’s Lilleshall centre was shut down in 1999 in favour of club academies – many of which began to recruit from overseas – Clairefontaine continues to develop top level players.

“Having an elite academy like that in this country it would really help English football,” says Kaboul. “Maybe even two – why not one in Manchester, one in London?”

Of course, England will soon once again have a centralised elite academy in Burton, and Bassong speaks from experience when he says its opening cannot come soon enough.

“Let [the young players] focus on football, always,” the defender reasons. “We would have school in the morning and then football in the afternoon. But we lived for football – we always thought about football and how to be better. The environment was built for this.”

The lengthy queue for the London Eye didn't please the Spurs duo...

That’s the long term future of English football sorted, then. But what of the shorter term?

Spurs manager Harry Redknapp has been widely touted as the man to succeed Fabio Capello as England coach when the Italian steps down following next summer’s European Championships in Poland and Ukraine. Is this something that the defensive duo have spent much time thinking about?

“No, we’re not English!” The pair quickly chuckle in reply. But they’re only half-joking.

“If he gets the job, good for him,” Bassong reasons. “If he can get the job and he wants it, then what can you say? Do we worry about it? Not really.”

More immediately, Tottenham face a Queens Park Rangers side on a high having just beaten West London rivals Chelsea for the first time in 16 years.

Neil Warnock’s team have shown signs of improvement since Tony Fernandes arrived in Shepherd’s Bush in the dying days of the summer transfer window and allowed Neil Warnock the finances to invest heavily in his squad.

“They seem to be a strong team,” says Kaboul. “With the teams that have just come up you never know what will happen. They can beat Manchester United one week and then lose the next. But it’s the same as any game in the Premier League for us – we have to be prepared and concentrate 100 percent.”

And that could be the key to Spurs’ hopes of returning to the Champions League. Not since 2006/07 have Spurs taken nine points from their three home matches against the newly promoted clubs. After all, the 19 points dropped to last season’s bottom five were ultimately what cost the North Londoner’s an immediate return to Europe’s elite cup competition.

NEWS Visit FFT's Tottenham Hotspur club page

Kaboul and Bassong were playing Battlefield 3, out now on Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and PC. For more information visit www.battlefield3.com/uk . For the latest news. Visit facebook.com/battlefield3 and follow @battlefield3 on Twitter.

Rovers fans right to want rid of Kean, the David Brent of the Premier League

2011-10-26T13:18:00Z

When Steve McClaren was the England manager, he was in a perpetual struggle with the size of the task entrusted to him.

He failed to adjust to the pressure placed upon him and was incapable of adapting to the constant focus he received. McClaren had taken for granted that he had the ability to do the job and, in a bid to regain some control, used empty, clichéd rhetoric such as "I'm a winner” and “when their backs are against the wall, English players will fight to the end”.

It's a similar situation to that currently unravelling (there can be no more appropriate a word) at Blackburn Rovers, only this time the protagonist is Steve Kean.

Only last weekend Kean said: "Look at Fergie and Redknapp and how they turned things around. I know I can do that."

What he overlooks is that Harry Redknapp, at Tottenham Hotspur, inherited a squad that was struggling and drastically changed their fortunes and league position and while Sir Alex Ferguson may have once been under pressure at Manchester United, they'd been underachieving before he ever got there.

Kean, however, last season almost relegated a Blackburn side that had previously look destined for mid-table. The contrast truly couldn't be greater and thus his argument carries the weight of a Championship jockey.

Under Sam Allardyce – and with a poorer squad – Blackburn regularly fulfilled their ambition of Premier League survival and did so with relative ease. Now, under Kean - and boosted with the additions of Scott Dann, Mauro Formica and possibly Yakubu - they are the worst team in the league.

Blackburn’s fans, refreshingly, are not known for their unrealistic expectations – unlike at Newcastle United, Allardyce's exit was never their making – but they know that prolonging Kean's stay severely risks their Premier League status.

Kean, like McClaren, speaks with not so much a whiff but an overpowering stench of 'he doth protest too much'. His public positivity - not indifferent to David Brent's – has the subtlety of a Rory Delap throw-in and is as desperate as it is unconvincing.

"I see myself as a friend first, entertainer second, and football manager third..."

In reality Kean fools no-one – save, discernibly, Blackburn’s owners, Venky's – and merely serves to infuriate those who want a reality check at a club who claim to have targeted the signatures of Diego Maradona, Ronaldinho and Raul in recent months.

“For us to control as much possession as we did and create that many chances, I think we have got to give ourselves a pat on the back.” Blackburn had just lost 2-1 at home against a below-par Tottenham to go bottom of the league, yet Kean maintains a positive stance – a moment of blind optimism if ever there was one.

Kean says what he believes he should say, not what he wants to. He’s all too aware of the fact he was fortunate to be appointed manager and his consequent reluctance simply enhances the view that Blackburn are continuing their practice in pretence.

“Even the ones I didn’t bring to the club I consider my players. I’ll take the criticism on my shoulders and take it away from them.” Another blatant attempt at a model managerial aphorism and another that fails to disguise the severity of the situation.

Countless managers are prepared to take pressure for their players or to divert it elsewhere. What they don’t do is talk about it or seek praise for doing so. Saying this, earlier in the season, is an acknowledgement on Kean’s part of the failings of his team – for which he is responsible – but a reminder that he is still capable of doing the bare minimum.

The greatest managers in the game possess both a natural authority and conviction – Kean has neither. Like McClaren, he appears to be fighting an inner doubt – an acceptance that he’s out of his depth – and hopes that, by some stroke of fortune, saying the right thing will somehow make him appear responsible if his players can only find it within themselves to excel and drive his side out of trouble.

Blackburn were once one of the finest run clubs in the league. Under Mark Hughes they worked judiciously, signing Christopher Samba and Ryan Nelsen, making vast profits on David Bentley, Roque Santa Cruz and Stephen Warnock and overachieving with their league finishes.

Now, under the ownership of Venky’s – to whom they were sold amid fears of not being able to sustain their existence in the top flight – they are a directionless, soulless and ignominious club, a cruel irony to suffer for the fans of this once-proud small-town side.

Like McClaren, Kean’s best role may not be as a manager, juggling numerous strains, but as a coach in the relative comfort zone of the training pitch and away from the unforgivable, omnipresent public glare.

And, like McClaren, Kean seems destined to undergo a painful, public decline as his team falls to depths previously unimagined by those who appointed him before his role ruthlessly reaches its ungraceful conclusion.

Gone are the days of Shearer and Sutton, of Wilcox and Sherwood and of Flowers and Hendry. Blackburn’s fans know it but their manager and owners appear unaware.

Southampton, Sheffield Wednesday, Charlton Athletic and Coventry City are just four of the clubs who have plunged to greater depths after relegation from the Premier League. Under Kean, Blackburn look set to join them.

In the day when football fans wrongfully refuse to back their manager because of irrational expectation levels, Blackburn’s fans are the exception to the rule. They know a good manager when they see one, and they know that Kean has to go.

Follow Declan Warrington on Twitter @decwarrington

Heroes & Villains: Balotelli, booing and other less popular things

2011-10-24T15:30:00Z

As the delightfully bonkers 2011/12 season countinues to rumble on in Premier League town, FourFourTwo's James Maw names the super stars and ne'er do wells of match day nine...

HEROES  

Manchester City 
Well yes, obviously.  In his programme notes for Sunday’s game, Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson described City counterpart Roberto Mancini’s handling of Tevezactinglikeadouchebag-gate as "a master class in management". What Ferguson didn’t realise was that the Italian’s tutorial was still in session. 
City’s emphatic win at Old Trafford could be the most symbolic result in the recent history of English football – as clear a sign as could be imagined of the much-discussed shift in power. City’s players showed the kind of unity, workrate and relentlessness that have served their city rivals well over the past two decades.
The Tevez affair, which for a brief moment looked like derailing City’s entire ‘project’, has instead galvanised the manager, fans and seemingly the bench-dwelling Argentine’s team-mates. The widely-predicted selfishness and mutiny haven't spread, and instead Tevez has been ostracised, isolated and made an example of. City’s stars know that if they don’t pull their weight and toe the party line, a similar fate will be theirs.
Even Mario Balotelli, long tipped to explode, has kept his head down (on the pitch, at least). Player, team and club are feeling the full benefit – and the rest of the league is looking up at an outfit  as awe-inspiring yet daunting as the madcap garb Balotelli is likely to don come Halloween...

Norwich
"Playing without fear", "a breath of fresh air", "Stephen Fry supports them, dontchaknow?"...
Yes, yes, yes – everybody loves Norwich at the moment, just like everybody loved Blackpool in the first half of last season, and Hull in the first half of 2008/09. While Paul Lambert is certain not to develop into as big an attention-seeking irritant as Phil Brown or Ian Holloway, his team are likely to face a similar sticky period to those suffered by the Tigers and Tangerines in their debut Premier League seasons; how they deal with it will be decisive in deciding whether they will suffer their third successive Premier League relegation.
But the signs so far are hugely positive. Unlike Hull and Blackpool, Norwich’s early success hasn’t been built entirely on catching out inattentive rivals with aesthetically pleasing football. Lambert’s side know when it’s time to dig deep and show a little pragmatism, which is exactly what they did at Anfield on Saturday evening.
Having weathered something of a Liverpool storm with only one goal conceded, the Canaries battled back through the power and commitment of Grant Holt, who thumped a header past Pepe Reina to level the scores. Keeper John Ruddy, meanwhile, was superb throughout, though it was his full-stretch 95th minute save from Luis Suarez that made headlines, denying the Uruguayan a certain winner and securing the point for the Norfolk side.

Yoann Cabaye
The midfielder took his tag of Newcastle talisman to the next level by scoring the winning goal in a match his side largely stuttered through and largely looked far from certain to win. The Frenchman’s first Premier League goal was certainly a timely one, and the three points keep Toon’s unlikely push for a Champions League spot rumbling on, for the time being at least. If Alan Pardew’s side are to continue their impressive form, they will need Cabaye to keep performing to the same level for months to come.

Robin van Persie
Arsenal were only able to avoid another Monday-morning inquest by throwing on their half-fit skipper against a Stoke side who have often frustrated the Gunners in recent years. While Arsene Wenger may be concerned his side needed the Dutchman’s intervention to see off a side seemingly suffering from another post-Europe hangover, he should be glad to have the striker at his disposal, as without him the Gunners look a rather average side.

Rafael van der Vaart
Van Persie wasn’t the only Netherlands international to score twice on Sunday, with compatriot Van der Vaart netting both Spurs’ goals in a 2-1 victory at Ewood Park. So it was double double Dutch. Or quadruple Dutch. Or something.  

VILLAINS 

Manchester United’s defence 
Roberto Mancini’s side were of course superb, but the margin of victory wasn’t entirely down to their own attacking verve. Was it, Jonny Evans?
It would be harsh to lay full blame for their pummelling at the hands of City at the Ulsterman’s door, but there’s no denying the tide of the match turned on the moment of madness that saw the United defender red-carded for hauling down Mario Balotelli in what can only be described as brainless fashion. 
From that point onwards, United’s defence – already missing Nemanja Vidic – was all at sea. Their haphazardness was perhaps best summed up by City’s fourth.
Rio Ferdinand gave away a needless corner, then failed to track Edin Dzeko when Joleon Lescott knocked the ball back across goal, leaving the Bosnian with a simple tap-in. That was the first of four minutes of added time; City created four more clear chances in the time remaining, two of which resulted in further goals. 
The most worrying thing for United fans will be the way heads dropped once all hope looked lost rather than battling to the bitter end – they won’t have seen that too often over the last 20 years.  

Phil Dowd & Darren Cann 
There’s no getting round it, the dismissal of Aston Villa’s Chris Herd was as inexplicable a refereeing decision as has been made in the Premier League all season – and that's no mean feat. The official line is that Herd stamped on West Brom’s Jonas Olsson, though replays appeared to show little if any malice, and even less contact.  

Alan Hutton 
But Villa shouldn’t complain too strongly about Herd’s red, as defensive cohort Hutton should really have been forced into a premature appointment with his rubber duckie and a bottle of Matey. The Scot unleashed a ‘full-blooded’ tackle – a cute little euphemism for a reckless attack that could have resulted in a serious injury – on West Brom’s Shane Long, before having another nibble at the same player a few moments later.

  Bobby Zamora 
The England striker’s 89th-minute miss at 1-1 cost Fulham the chance to pocket three points from a match they would ultimately lose. Zamora kept his composure in brushing the ball past Tim Howard, then suffered from a rush of blood to the head with the empty net gaping, bending the ball past the far post. Seventy seconds later, Louis Saha had put Everton back in front.
Given he’s something of a confidence player, it will be intriguing to see how Zamora reacts to his glaring miss.

Asmir Begovic
With the Candian-come-Bosnian making an impressively solid start to the season between the sticks for Stoke, it was something of a surprise to see him beaten by two shots most top flight keepers would expect to gather. Yet both of Robin van Persie’s second-half strikes were relatively tame, and neither was placed out of the keeper’s reach.

Wolves boo-boys
 While they could be forgiven for going into Saturday’s clash with Swansea under an ugly cloud of apprehension given their side had just lost five league games on the bounce, the tetchy, impatient and aggressive atmosphere created by a number of Wolves fans during the match was hardly conducive to inspiring a turnaround in fortunes. 
Even before Danny Graham’s 23rd-minute opener, the locals were getting on their team’s collective back, pouncing on every misplaced pass and perceived lack of urgency. In reality, Mick McCarthy’s side were merely feeling their way into the game. Quickfire goals from Graham and Joe Allen saw the Welsh outfit surge into a 2-0 lead, and caused the atmosphere outside the away end to turn viciously sour.
The moaning and groaning of the first half was followed largely by silence in the second. Even after Kevin Doyle narrowed the deficit with six minutes remaining, it was the travelling fans that were most audible.
All the more galling, then, to hear the Molineux faithful bate the Swans fans following Jamie O’Hara’s unlikely equaliser. “You’re not singing any more” crowed large numbers of the home support, without a hint of irony. Sigh.

Premier Ratings: City dare to believe as Chelsea & United endure hell

2011-10-24T07:30:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's Christopher Cox runs his eye over the weekend's efforts in the Premier League...

Manchester City – 10
(Man Utd A, W 6–1)
Quite extraordinary, thoroughly deserved and highly entertaining. All hail the Premier League champions elect? This was without question the most momentous result in the Premier League for quite some time and one that was a joy to watch. Silva, Balotelli, Dzeko and Aguero lit up the Manchester derby (no jokes about Balotelli’s bathroom, please) and they’ve put smiles on the face of just about every neutral in the land. City don't have to dare to dream anymore. They can dare to believe.

Queens Park Rangers – 8
(Chelsea H, W 1–0)
Have QPR played a part in the most pivotal weekend of the 2011-12 season to date? Their pressing game prevented Chelsea from playing their usual fluid and flowing football in the first half, the one that ultimately counted. Barton looked every inch the perfect captain, his decision to take the ball off of Taarabt prior to the penalty paid off for a huge three points.

Sunderland – 8
(Bolton A, W 2–0)
This huge win for Sunderland will ease the pressure on Steve Bruce, though realistically it was a game that could have gone either way. The victory was a timely one - being just the fifth the Black Cats have mustered in their last 23 league outings. Eight out of ten for the magnitude of this result and the potential for it to be a turning point. Perhaps we’ll see more of the prodigious Connor Wickham in the coming weeks, too.

Norwich – 7.5
(Liverpool A, D 1–1)
A result Canaries fans will be rightly proud of. They’ve not been overawed by the ‘big teams’ this season and it’s as good a draw as they’ll get all season, especially given how Liverpool rallied late on. This result is another confidence booster and Norwich look almost certain to stay up if performances and results continue in this vein – what a set of saves by keeper John Ruddy, too.

Everton – 7
(Fulham A, W 3–1)
It’s hard to see Everton winning all that many games on the road this season – they only managed four last term – so this will have gone down very well with the club‘s rather concerned fanbase. At times the Everton defence was like the Alamo as Fulham rained in shots and duly got their equaliser. It could have been worse had Zamora not missed a sitter, but Saha and Rodwell’s late late strikes provide a fortunate yet welcome three points.

Arsenal – 7
(Stoke H, W 3–1)
Arsenal’s record against Stoke may be horrible, but Van Persie’s in front of goal is fantastic. A good win for the Gunners, but they need to learn how to score without their captain. Positives? Fourth place is up for grabs again based on this performance, but results like this need to keep coming. As for negatives, look no further than Chamakh – lazy, tepid and just not a very ‘Arsenal’ player.

Tottenham Hotspur – 7
(Blackburn A, W 2–1)
Job done. Van der Vaart was in scintillating form and Spurs have averaged two points per game, a record which, should it continue, will put Harry Redknapp‘s side in a very strong position in the race for a top four spot. They took the opportunities presented to them on the Ewood Park pitch and off it – with Liverpool only drawing, this was a good weekend for the men from White Hart Lane.

West Brom – 7
(Aston Villa A, W 2–1)
The talking points will be Alan Hutton’s tackle and Chris Herd’s red card, not the Baggies’ win, which is unfortunate. Hard-fought wins like this point toward a mid-table finish for Roy Hodgson’s men, and full credit to them for capitalising on the opportunity presented to them. A good win and their first at Villa Park since Art Garfunkel’s ‘Bright Eyes’ was number one in the hit parade…

Newcastle – 7
(Wigan H, W 1-0)
It took 81 minutes to come but their fans won’t mind. Newcastle knocked on the door throughout the game against lowly Wigan and they’ve now cemented their place as a top half team. Measures of a good team include grinding out results, finding that goal from somewhere just as it looks as thought all hope is lost and beating the underdogs when required to do so. Newcastle met all those requirements on Saturday.

Swansea – 6
(Wolves A, D 2–2)
Not a result Swans fans will look back on fondly, but the performance was certainly impressive. It was all going swimmingly, with Vorm playing the game of his life, another goal for ‘Golden’ Graham and a 2-0 lead that looked unassailable - but they then blew it against a side who had looked awful at best for most of the 90 minutes. A worrying sign, not least in a match against a potential relegation rival.

Wolves – 5.5
(Swansea H, D 2–2)
For a long time it looked as though Mick McCarthy’s men were in trouble – as was the man himself, with boos ringing around Molineux owing to some ‘interesting’ substitutions. Wolves were abysmal and yet somehow got the two goals to level it up but this is by no means a bright new dawn for Wolves. It‘s probably fair to say they papered over the cracks with their point rather than building towards anything solid.

Liverpool – 5.5
(Norwich H, D 1–1)
While Liverpool are ambitious, it doesn’t look as though this season will be the one where they get back into the top four. This wasn’t as bad a result as, say, their loss to Wolves last season, but it may have a brought back a few bad memories of the Hodgson era for some Reds fans. You don’t qualify for the Champions League without winning home games against sides outside the elite, so a draw against a newly promoted team is no good to them.

Aston Villa – 5
(West Brom H, L 2–1)
On paper Villa had the better team, but this reign of Alex McLeish seems to be defined by the club’s continuing run of below par performances and underwhelming results. Villa are in a rut and losing to West Brom at home will be seen as unacceptable by the club‘s fans. With five of last season’s top six coming up in the next ten matches, could things be set to get worse before they get better?

Wigan – 5
(Newcastle A, L 1-0)
Only losing 1–0 is almost an achievement for Wigan these days, especially when facing a side in as ruthless form as Newcastle are at present. It seems nothing has changed since that final day relegation decider last season, and it feels like light-years since those euphoric scenes at the Britannia. How they will regret Rodallega’s missed chance in the first half…

Fulham – 5
(Everton H, L 3-1)
A winnable fixture and for most of the game Fulham played as if they would take at least something, with the Cottagers creating several chances to put themselves in front. Bryan Ruiz’s audacious chip will have inspired the Craven Cottage faithful but it was a completely false dawn. Seven points from nine games isn’t good enough, nor were their squandered opportunities. There is a slight bit of hope on the horizon – Wigan away up next...

Stoke - 5
(Arsenal A, L 3–1)
Maybe the good old days of Arsenal being intimidated by Stoke are over, maybe they suffered from hard luck due to an inspired substitution. Either way, Stoke lost 3–1 at the Emirates which in itself is hardly humiliating, though Tony Pulis will be concerned his side once again fell short following a midweek European match. Still, another goal from Crouch proved just how good a signing he is.

Bolton – 4
(Sunderland H, L 2–0)
What is going on at the Reebok? Answers on a postcard please, as it’s baffling stuff. Following last weekend’s success over Wigan, you’d have tipped Bolton to record back-to-back wins due to Sunderland’s equally poor start to the season. Is this a sinking ship? Owen Coyle is constantly praised for having a commendable ‘footballing philosophy‘, but has he met his match? Can he show strength in a relegation battle…?

Blackburn Rovers – 4
(Tottenham H, L 2–1)
How long can Rovers stick with Steve Kean? In truth, it’s surprising he’s lasted this long. The league table tells you all you need to know, five points from nine games, one win and five defeats. The ineptitude of sides around them is the only thing preventing them from being completely cut adrift.

Chelsea – 3
(QPR A, L 1–0)
Horrific. David Luiz, Jose Bosingwa and Dider Drogba let their team down in quite some fashion at Loftus Road. Luiz has looked defensively shaky in recent weeks and giving away the penalty wouldn’t have helped his confidence. Bosingwa showed glimpses of his Ancelotti-era self with a clumsy tug on Shaun Wright-Phillips that drew a red card, while Drogba’s tackle and sending off was a result of his sheer frustration at being isolated up front. Bouncing back from this will be Villas-Boas’ first real test.

Manchester United – 1
(Man City H, L 6–1)
There can’t be many weekends when you see a one out of ten rating for the champions, but this is deserved – it may well have been zero were it not for Darren Fletcher’s goal. A horrendous result for United, who rang the changes - as they had done at Liverpool - and they again paid the price. Evans’ dismissal shouldn’t be an excuse for the margin of defeat - United looked stale with 11 men and those left on the pitch looked largely disinterested.

Weekender: Pots, Pearce and the Grim Reaper

2011-10-21T14:36:00Z

1) Young guns fire at old pots
Arsenal hosting Stoke this weekend pits the Premier League’s greenhorns against its gnarly old veterans. Averaging 24 years of age, Arsenal have started 13 different players under the age of 21 so far this season – while Tony Pulis has yet to start a single under-21 so far, the only Premier League manager to do so. Then again, Stoke are sprightly wet-ears compared to Levante, who last weekend fielded the oldest team in la Liga history: nine of starting XI were over 30 and the back five alone totalled 170. The club doctor has put the side's good start down to pizza and beer.
LA LIGA LOCA Levante's special snacks

2) Tricky Dicky Nixon: Man City's derby dominator
It's hardly Any Given Sunday or Braveheart, but ahead of their Old Trafford trip this weekend Roberto 'Bobby Manc' Mancini could be forgiven for showing his Manchester City players the recently televised film Frost/Nixon. Something about Richard Nixon seemed to inspire City to Mancunian dominance: from the moment he ran for US President in early 1968 to his shamed resignation in August 1974, City triumphed on six out of seven visits to Manchester United – but since Nixon left office, they've only one there once…
VIDEO VAULT Fifty years of Manchester derbies
NEW ISSUE The Battle of Manchester plus much more

3) Pass and move, pass and move…
All hail Bradley Johnson. The recent England call-up the only Premier League midfielder to have covered 12km or more in every game he has played, but he's not just a roadrunner: he is also the top passer at Norwich this season with 343, a whacking 72 more than any other Canary. And that, folks, is how you pass and move from non-league loanee to international recognition within five years.
STATS ZONE Like statistics? You'll love Stats Zone, from FFT & Opta

4) Pearce: not a tournaments man?
Never one to shy away from a challenge, Team GB's Olympic football boss Stuart Pearce may need to sharpen up his tournament record. Despite leading England to three U21 European Championships in his time as boss, Pearce has mustered just four wins from 12 games at the finals, and one of those required penalties. The U21s did reach the 2009 final, but that ended in the tournament's biggest ever final defeat as England were swept aside by a rampant Germany: sound familiar?
INTERVIEW Stuart Pearce One on One: "I was a nautical tw*t, probably"

5) They could've come in a taxi…
For Man City fans this Champions League lark is all fresh and exciting, but it's less of a draw for Villarreal. City fans have snapped up all 1,400 tickets for their forthcoming Champions League trip to Spain's east coast but when the sides clashed in Manchester this week, Villarreal brought a mere 17 fans. Maybe, despite their Anglophile nickname El Submarino Amarillo (the Yellow Submarine), they just don't like English clubs: after all, Villarreal's last two Champions League campaigns have been ended by Arsenal, in the 2006 semi-final and 2009 quarter-final.
FFT TRAVEL GUIDE Villarreal, Valencia & Spain's east coast

Be an England mascot
Fancy walking out with the Three Lions lot before the Spain friendly next month? (NB: only seven- to 11-year-olds need apply)
See all competitions

Despite league starts strong enough to impel pundits to say "two-horse race", Manchesters City and United were still seeking their first Champions League victories. Both had to sweat before sealing three points – United through two Wayne Rooney penalties at Otelul Galati, City at home to Villarreal courtesy of a last-gasp Sergio Aguero strike after some nifty work from James Milner.

On Wednesday, headlines heralded two astonishing things. Firstly, £50m frontman Fernando Torres SCORED TWO GOALS as Chelsea mercilessly slapped Genk around for an hour and a half (winning 5-0 in the process). Not only that, but Arsenal WON A GAME AGAINST SOMEBODY HALF DECENT thanks to Aaron Ramsey's last-minute strike in Marseille. Less surprising was the sexy opener scored by Andres Iniesta in Barcelona's win over supermodel soundalike Viktoria Plzen.

Meanwhile, in the Championship, table-toppers Southampton improved their chances of back-to-back promotions followed by a speedy relegation with a 1-0 win over closest chasers West Ham, while Steve Cotterill's Forest debut was a 2-0 win over previously unbeaten Middlesbrough, achieved with neither brolly nor cod-Dutch accent.

Then in Thursday's not-at-all-anticlimactic Europa League action, Spurs overcame Rubin Kazan, Birmingham won at Club Brugge, Celtic drew at Rennes, Fulham were beaten by Wilsa Krakow and Stoke won 3-0 against Maccabi Tel-Aviv, who went down to 10 men after defender Yoan Ziv made did a Fergie and comically hoofed a boot at the linesman.

Stats Zone: Tactical preview: Could Clichy help City shackle Nani?

Spain: La Preview: Ronaldo losing killer instinct

Jon Champion: Liverpool struggle to accommodate Carroll

Fan's Eye View: Curly captain Coloccini leading Newcastle to success

Italy: Juventus nearing end of an era as Del Piero gets his curtain call

Holland: Great pretenders Heerenveen seek to climb back into contention

Euro 2012: Ending the argument – why Wayne Rooney must go

Italy: The history of the 'perfect' 0-0 draw

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Why Premier League greed will kill the Football League – and England

The Grim Reaper was welcomed in by the Football League this week. Under financial pressure from the Premier League, who threatened to remove their vital annual £5m youth development funding, the 72 clubs voted to overhaul the academy system as part of the Elite Player Performance Plan (EPPP).

Unveiled in January by Sir Trevor Brooking and passed by Premier League clubs in June, the EPPP aims to revolutionise youth football but could rip the heart out of the Football League, leaving teams that consistently produce quality youngsters, such as Crewe Alexandra and Crystal Palace, with very little to show for their endeavours.

Currently, tribunals set compensation for players under the age of 17; this week, Chelsea paid MK Dons £1.5m rising to £2m for 14-year-old Oluwaseyi Ojo. Under the EPPP, standardised compensation will mean that big clubs can buy any under-17 footballer they like for well under than £200,000 – reducing trickle-down economics to a barely dripping tap.

Compensation is higher for better academies, which will now be stratified with the top category costing £2.5m per year and requiring 18 full-time staff. Even outside a recession, there aren't many Football League clubs able to afford that – especially if to cover costs, they would have to sell 20 top-rated 17-year-olds every single season.

If (or rather when) this leads to the closing of many Football League academies, the EPPP becomes counter-productive by significantly reducing the number of players coming through academies. Only those players deemed good enough in their early teens by the big clubs will survive; the others, previously picked up by smaller clubs, will drift out of football altogether.

So there'd be no academies to produce Ashley Young (Watford), Joe Hart (Shrewsbury), Chris Smalling (Millwall), Darren Bent (Ipswich), Gareth Barry (Brighton), Kyle Walker (Sheffield United) and Leighton Baines (Wigan, after being released by Liverpool at 17) – not to mention all the players produced by the excellent academies at Middlesbrough and Southampton, whose jewels would be snatched for far less than the recent going rates.

The days of seeing the local boy make his debut, or getting that shiver down your spine as you see a 17-year-old talent for the first time on a wet and windy night at Gresty Road or Selhurst Park, may well be over. The Reaper is on his way to your club, and it would appear you have little choice but to open the door and welcome him in.

– Aaron Cox, FourFourTwo.com writer

Read the full feature here

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"I've got nothing against the Neils of this world"
Ask a Silly Question, Mar 2010: Shaka Hislop

"The last thing you need is an overlapping full-back"
Perfect XI, Sep 2009: Denis Irwin

"I was hard but fair. Well, maybe not fair at times"
One on One, Jan 2003: Stuart Pearce

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Ending the argument: Why Wayne Rooney must go to Euro 2012

2011-10-19T13:45:00Z

As Wayne Rooney returns to making headlines for the right reason with two Champions League goals against Otelul Galati, Declan Warrington explains why the Manchester United star must be included in Fabio Capello's squad for Euro 2012, despite his three-match ban...

Within Fabio Capello’s current mess there exists a wider dysfunction: an over-reliance upon individuals, a lack of a Plan B and an inherent lack of character.

The confirmation, then, that Wayne Rooney is suspended for the Euro 2012 group stages has potentially devastating consequences.

England are already a side with the flexibility and predictability of a freight train. Removing their best player - one of the few with a capricious quality to his play - suddenly strips them of the last dregs of spontaneity that could just conjure a first tournament highlight since Euro 2004.

Succeeding in international football entails navigating a process of fine lines and small percentages. The ability to create something above and beyond that of a mere mortal can make the crucial difference and quite rightly ensures the likes of Paul Gascoigne and Dennis Bergkamp are firmly written into the annals of tournament football history. Rooney, far more than any other England player, has the ability to join them.

The arguments against his inclusion are as futile as they are mystifying. If England are to have any chance of reaching the semi-finals - a genuine achievement if not lofty ambition - Rooney has to be involved. Those arguments are based on the concept that a squad place would be wasted and therefore better served by a striker who can be picked for the first three games, an argument that may have substantial substance were it not for England's shortage of genuine forward options.

At Euro 96, Terry Venables opted to select Alan Shearer, Teddy Sheringham, Robbie Fowler and Les Ferdinand, leaving out Andy Cole, Peter Beardsley, Stan Collymore, Chris Sutton and Ian Wright. Fabio Capello has no such luxury.

In Danny Welbeck, Daniel Sturridge, Theo Walcott and Andy Carroll, England have promise and potential, but little more. Darren Bent is a prolific domestic goalscorer but still unproven at the highest level, Jermain Defoe isn't a Tottenham regular and Peter Crouch is clearly not to Capello's liking.

Consequently it can be safely assumed that Capello will include four strikers in his final squad. Bent is currently in pole position to be one, Welbeck and Carroll - who Capello has admitted to liking - are likely to be two more. Sturridge looks set to have the biggest future of that group but he doesn't provide a drastically different option to either Bent or Welbeck, making Rooney the outstanding candidate for the fourth spot (with Walcott likely to go as a winger, rather than central striker).

For Capello, being limited to three strikers represents risking England's chances of advancing beyond their group. Ignoring this isn't something that comes naturally to the Italian's deep-rooted conservatism - his reputation has been built upon successes achieved by trusting experienced, reliable performers instead of gambling on the promise and captivations of youth – but it’s a calculated gamble given Rooney’s standing as a player within the context of viable alternatives.

With Rooney's inclusion comes the experience of two World Cups, a European Championship, three Champions League finals and seven full seasons at one of club football's elite.

Beyond his on-pitch qualities is his popularity within the England squad - a player adored for his enthusiasm for the game and for entertaining others is one that cannot be instantly dismissed within the monotonous restrictions of Camp Capello. Therein also lays the possibility that this figure - a victim of UEFA’s harsh punishment - could incite among his team-mates an inner anger at a perceived injustice and nurture a siege mentality from which they could grow.

Ultimately, England’s manager finds himself in an unenviable ‘catch 22’ of prodigious proportions. Leaving Rooney at home would mean any failure beyond the group stage would be blamed upon his absence - taking him, however, means any failures will likely be attributed to the distractions of his presence.

If it is as a team unit that England’s greatest problems become apparent - sterile, passionless, joyless football, bereft of invention and technical prowess - then removing Rooney, the driven playground footballer and a technician of the very highest caliber, is an exercise in exacerbation.

There was a time when it was wrongly assumed one player could make all the difference for England. In 2002 and 2006, broken metatarsals ensured panic-stricken build-ups to two World Cups when the potential absence of an individual - first David Beckham and then Rooney – was thought to denote the end of any English hopes.

Then, England had a stronger side and others with the ability to compensate - Scholes and Owen in 2002, Gerrard or Lampard four years later. Now, with Wilshere’s fitness a doubt and Gerrard’s decline regrettably debatable, Rooney’s importance is unparalleled.

An injury against Portugal in 2004 stole his international equilibrium and it has yet to be recovered. Rooney has work to do at this level - he has to be given a chance to do it.

Follow Declan Warrington on Twitter @decwarrington

Heroes & Villains: EPL highlights and horror shows

2011-10-17T11:36:00Z

Another Premier League weekend, another pantomime parade of goodies and baddies. Mark Booth cheers and boos

HEROES

Anthony Pilkington
It will have felt like a long international break for Anthony Pilkington. Having missed a golden opportunity to put his side 1-0 up at Old Trafford a fortnight ago, Pilkington got to work on the training ground – and it paid off with a double salvo against fellow newly-promoted side Swansea. The first goal, after just 49 seconds, was particularly clinical with Pilkington hitting it on the turn to end his sleepless nights. Vital in securing the Canaries' third win of the season.

Bolton Wanderers
Cause for optimism at last for the Bolton faithful as they ran out comfortable winners at Wigan. A first goal for summer capture David Ngog, as well as an inspired performance from Chris Eagles, ended a run of six successive defeats for the Trotters. Phil Gartside isn't a trigger-happy chairman, but another defeat here would have put at least a question mark over Owen Coyle's future. Wanderers fans can start to look up the table with a fixture list that suddenly doesn't look quite as scary as their early-season assault course.

Newcastle United
Alan Pardew's men passed their most significant test of the season so far. Falling behind twice to Tottenham, Newcastle showed their team spirit by rallying for a hard-earned point – and weren't happy to settle for a point even after Shola Ameobi's brilliant equaliser. There's more to this team than bluster, though: Yohan Cabaye looks a classy addition and with Hatem Ben Arfa and Davide Santon coming off the bench, they look to have a good mix of exciting young prospects and seasoned Premier League campaigners. Credit to Alan Pardew for dealing with the exits of last year's core trio of Joey Barton, Kevin Nolan and Andy Carroll to build a squad with real competition for places on a tight budget.

Robin van Persie
Arsenal's captain and saviour-in-chief continues to mop up sub-editors' superlative quotas. A stunning free-kick eclipsing the earlier effort from Seb Larsson settled their win over Sunderland. Van Persie's contract situation is a continuing headache for Arsene Wenger who is under no illusions as to the Dutchman's importance for the Gunners: “Robin van Persie is a special player and he's shown that again today. He's blessed at the moment and let's touch wood with his injuries. He's shown what a great player he is when he can be consistently playing.”

Liverpool
Despite a turgid first half at Anfield, Liverpool excelled in the second and were unfortunate not to get three points. Steven Gerrard isn't quite back to his imperious best but provided the relentless drive from midfield that they've missed. The returning talisman's explosive energy was at the heart of everything good about Liverpool on Saturday, as he chased lost causes and gave the United defence an uncomfortable afternoon. One lapse in concentration spoiled the perfect day for Liverpool but they've got cause to believe that the gulf between United and themselves has been exaggerated.

Roy Hodgson
A comfortable win against Wolves was just the tonic for Hodgson, who must have been starting to get worried. The Baggies had won only one game all season and Hodgson doesn't have to leaf too far back through West Brom's history for the name of Roberto di Matteo, who was hastily removed from the hot seat last season.

VILLAINS 

Wigan and Antolin Alcaraz
No-one in football wants to see Roberto Martinez fail but beside Mohamed Diame's excellent equaliser and the return of Hugo Rodellega, this was another soul-sapping afternoon. A terrible performance was characterised by hapless centre-half Antolin Alcaraz, whose errors during a masterclass of bad defending were exposed not only by Bolton but also by Alan Hansen in a Match of the Day clipreel which will have had Wigan fans cowering behind their couches. A much better defender than this evidence suggests, Alcaraz needs to find some form quickly. So do Wigan.

Gabriel Agbonlahor
Such is the tidal nature of football, Agbonlahor's chance against Manchester City was probably the pivotal moment of the match. Score and the Etihad Stadium's natives might have grown restless, having not seen their team fall behind this season – especially with former City stars Richard Dunne and Shay Given's reputations for rearguard actions. As it happened, Joe Hart was equal to the one-on-one and City helped themselves to four goals.

Sunderland
Although Sunderland could count themselves somewhat unfortunate to leave North London with nothing, their willingness to gift-wrap shots on Simon Mignolet's goals through free-kicks was staggering. Wes Brown, Michael Turner and John O'Shea were all guilty of diving in on Arsenal's attacking triumvirate of Theo Walcott, Gervinho and Robin van Persie – and it eventually proved to be the difference between the teams.

Wolves
Five straight league defeats means Wolves continue to slide down the table, meaning August's flirtation with the Champions League berths are a fuzzy, half-forgotten dream for most Wanderers fans. Mick McCarthy's post-match press-conference prickliness about the logo on West Brom midfielder Paul Scharner's T-shirt told you that this was a man feeling the pressure. Next Saturday's lunchtime encounter with Swansea is as close to must-win as a game in October gets.

Luis Suarez
Whether Patrice Evra's accusations of racism are true or not, the Uruguayan doesn't exactly shy away from a flashpoint. A frustrating afternoon in front of goal told on a striker who is in danger of letting moments of petulance overshadow his more admirable talents.

Premier Ratings: Bogeymen, cockroaches and David Dickinson

2011-10-17T10:30:00Z

FFT's Christopher Cox runs his eye over the weekend's efforts in the Premier League

Manchester City 8.5
(W 4-1, Aston Villa H)
Predictable but impressive win, despite the lack of a clean sheet. More performances like these are needed if the balance of power in Manchester is to change. Villa are in transition but City did exactly what Liverpool failed to do at Anfield – take advantage of what was in front of them.

Chelsea 8
(W 3-1, Everton H)
Bogey side? AVB (as it seems we're obliged to call him) secured a solid win, the Blues’ first at the Bridge in six attempts against Everton. Goals from a striker (Sturridge), midfielder (Ramires) and a defender (Terry) suggest that there's goals throughout this side, but Juan Mata once again stood out with contributions to two of the three goals.

West Brom 8
(W 2-1, Wolves H)
Not a classic game but West Brom’s first home win, and against bitter rivals, could turn their season around. They have a good side – goalscorers Odemwingie and Brunt have already made their mark, while Championship fans know all about how good a signing Shane Long is. More of the same and Albion are upwardly mobile.

Norwich 8
(W 3-1, Swansea City H)
Experts peg promoted sides' home games against each other as "must-win", and Norwich did it in style against an equally entertaining Swansea City side. Anthony Pilkington seems a great bargain spotted by the David Dickinson of East Anglia, Paul Lambert. Only another 30 points to go and safety should be secured…

Bolton 7.5
(W 3-1, Wigan A)
Just what the Trotters needed: a fixture against a poor team. Wigan were in a similar mess going into this game and Bolton's win could have been better but for a familiar face between Wigan's sticks saving a penalty. A good win which needs to reboot the Reebok season.

Arsenal 7
(W 2-1, Sunderland H)
A much-needed win against a Sunderland side who have been poor almost all season. Arsenal could have and should have scored more (11 shots on target, 60% possession) but a superb Arshavin cameo and a very strong Van Persie performance hint at an Arsenal revival.

Stoke 7
(W 2-0, Fulham H)
Five Live's Pat Murphy called Stoke cockroaches: no matter how hard you stamp them out, you just can’t get rid of them. He may have a point; they won't give a damn. With a good win in a scrappy game full of fouls, Stoke continue to perform in the Premier while enjoying the Europa. Not many teams manage that.

Tottenham 6
(D 2-2, Newcastle A)
Playing good football and doubling Newcastle's goals-against at St. James’ Park, Spurs already look a better team than last season; perhaps that campaign wasn’t as good as it gets. If they’re to claim a Champions League place again, this might well prove a valuable point.

Newcastle 6
(D 2-2, Tottenham H)
While pundits scratch their heads trying to understand how Newcastle have started the season so well, the Toon just get on with it. Worries over the lack of a good striker are ebbing with Demba Ba’s form, and it’s just as good to see Shola Ameobi stepping up to the plate. Coming from behind twice implies the good run could last.

Manchester United 6
(D 1-1, Liverpool A)
'Resting' Rooney and playing Phil Jones in midfield led to a disjointed performance in what the boss had described as the biggest game in the known universe, or something. As usual United clawed something back when all looked lost, but arguably unnecessary tinkering led to just three shots on target and two points lost.

Liverpool 6
(D 1-1, Manchester United H)
A missed opportunity against a huge but vulnerable rival. If Liverpool are to challenge for the title, they have to capitalise when dominating an entire half at home against an unusually under-strength United. King Kenny needs more from his subjects, and will be pleased with the goalscoring return of Steven Gerrard.

Blackburn 6
(D 1-1, QPR A)
The international break seems to have done Steve Kean’s Blackburn some good. They still look average, but they came back to earn a point away from home. That's exactly what they need: to fight for every point they can in what will surely be a long old season.

Sunderland 5
(L 2-1, Arsenal A)
There's fear in the side from Wearside: Sunderland are 16th and look bereft of confidence. Some fans may have set off for the Emirates in hope of a point against a below-par Arsenal, but although there was only one goal in it, in truth the home side could have hit double figures. How much can the visitors put that down to the absence of Bendtner?

Everton 5
(L 3-1, Chelsea A)
The last Chelsea manager to take three points from Everton at the Bridge was Jose Mourinho, but David Moyes won't be happy with how his team conceded (Sturridge from a preventable Mata cross, Terry from a regrettable free-kick). Cahill and Saha had early chances but the better team won.

QPR 5
(D 1-1, Blackburn H)
Hosting one of the worst Blackburn teams in living memory was the perfect chance to banish those horrible memories of the derby at Craven Cottage, and it was completely passed by. QPR still haven't managed a home win and Neil Warnock needs to stop that rot quickly.

Fulham 5
(L 2-0, Stoke A)
A trip to Stoke was always going to be tough for the men from Craven Cottage. Much better sides have been made to look very foolish at the Britannia but some fighting spirit from their previous Premier League game – the 6-0 win over QPR – wouldn’t have gone amiss.

Swansea 4
(L 3-1, Norwich A)
Not a good day for Brendan Rodgers when you consider his team ‘only’ lost 1-0 at the Emirates a few weeks ago. Losing 3-1 at a fellow promoted side is a blow. True, the Swans only had two fit defenders and contributed to the entertainment value of the match, but this now gets filed under ‘what if’ – a dangerous pile for any team to fill.

Wolves 4
(L 2-0, West Brom A)
After a promising start, it’s all starting to come undone for Mick McCarthy’s Wolves. Deserved derby defeat will leave a rather bitter taste; Wolves had their chances, but they need to rediscover their spark – perhaps when Fletcher returns it might just come back with him.

Aston Villa 4
(L 4-1, Manchester City A)
It was never going to be easy, but Villa didn’t have to make it so hard. A ‘transitional’ Villa displayed little quality and there was a strong sense of inevitability about the result. Barry Bannan’s midfield bite and creativity was sorely missed, as was James Collins’ strength at the back.

Wigan 4
(L 3-1, Bolton H)
There can’t be many worse feelings than being a Wigan fan watching your side on a terrible run losing to your hated rivals on an even worse run. Is this the season Wigan finally lose their battle against the drop? If they spurn opportunities like these, it could be.

Weekender: Snooty, stocks and kids going south

2011-10-14T11:19:00Z

1) Ivor Lott 1-2 Tony Broke
It's the haves vs the have-nots at Stamford Bridge this weekend as Chelsea host Everton. However, as in the Ivor Lott & Tony Broke comic strips of yore, the well-heeled don't always get their own way. Roman's rich kids haven't taken three points against Everton since April 2008, and haven't beaten them in a home league game since April 2006. In fact, David Moyes's ragtag bunch – hard-up Everton haven't paid a transfer fee in the last four transfer windows – have the best record of any Premier League team in the Abramovich era. Eat that, Lord Snooty!
STATS ZONE Zonal Marking's Michael Cox on how Everton face the big guns – plus Liverpool v Man U

2) Fergie chases six (thousand) of the best
Man United are scoring a goal every 26 minutes in the league, but the next one will set a benchmark: it will be their 6,000th in the top flight. The champions still lag behind Everton, who have scored 6,600 – but the Toffees have played more top-flight games than any other team, 4,220 of them (1.56 goals per game), compared to Man U's 3,481 (1.72 goals per game). Besides, the corollary of having 108 top-flight seasons is that nobody has conceded more goals than Everton's 5,891 (1.39 per game) – miles clear of Man U's 4,507 (1.29 per game). Oh well: you win some, you lose some.

3) From Faroe defeat to glory
If Estonia beat the Republic of Ireland to reach Euro 2012 they'll create football history. Not only will it be their major-tournament debut - and help them become famous for something other than that whole "not turning up to play Scotland" thing – but they will become the first team to qualify after losing to the Faroe Islands, who beat them 2-0 in June. Indeed, the Faroes almost opened their group campaign by beating Estonia in Tallinn, but the hosts' two injury-time goals snatched victory from the public laughing-stocks of defeat… temporarily.

4) Points mean prizes (or at least not relegation)
This weekend’s meeting between Bolton and Wigan brings together two managers fighting to get away from the bottom – of the top flight's points-per-game table. Owen Coyle has gained 1.08ppg at Bolton, while Roberto 'Bob Martin' Martinez has averaged exactly a point per game at Wigan. Both fare better than Blackburn's Steve Kean (0.93ppg) but if we include previous top-flight adventures, there are two other relegation candidates. Neil Warnock (currently 1.14ppg at QPR) is dragged down to 0.99ppg by previous top-flight relegations at Notts County and Sheffield United, while Mick McCarthy (1.02ppg at Wolves) falls to 0.87ppg if you include his time at Sunderland. We're sure he'd rather not.

5) Goals galore at the Pirelli
There'll be more than the usual buzz at Burton Albion tonight as the home side welcome Cheltenham – and few will risk leaving early. In March 2010 the sides fought out an astonishing game at the Pirelli, in which Burton led by two goals on three occasions – at 2-0, 4-2 and 5-3. However, the Robins kept bobbing and after Michael Pook's 87th-minute winner halved the deficit, an injury-time leveller from Justin Richards was followed by Pook completing his hat-trick to seal a 6-5 win.

6) Forest hoping Frank Clark helps history repeat
It's 12th October 1993 [No it's not – Ed.]. In Frank Clark's first season as manager, Nottingham Forest are positioned one point and one place above the relegation zone. That season, after a remarkable charge up the table, the club finish second to seal automatic promotion to the Premier League. The following season they finish third in the top flight and qualify for the UEFA Cup. Fast forward to 12th October 2011. In Frank Clark's first season as chairman, Forest are positioned one point and one place above the relegation zone...

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Mixed results for these islands' nations as the Euro groups ended. England qualified top despite Montenegro's late leveller and Wayne Rooney's red card, which will rule him out of all three group games in Poland/Ukraine, while the Republic of Ireland beat Andorra anxiously and Armenia amusingly to reach a play-off against Estonia.

The other three home nations will stay at home next summer. Scotland squeaked past Liechtenstein 1-0 but were doggedly beaten 3-1 by a supreme Spain while the Czechs' win in Lithuania ruled Craig Levein's side out of the play-offs. Wales beat Switzerland and Bulgaria to finish fourth with three wins in four games, a smile on the face and hope in the heart.

By contrast, Nigel Worthington granted most Northern Ireland fans their wish by stepping down after closing losses to Estonia and Italy left the team fifth. Worthington's parting shot was that his players were not committed to international friendlies, claiming those games “were like trying to push water up a hill.”

Back in the ever-glorious Premier League, Carlos Tevez returned from his two-week club suspension just in time to discover that an internal Manchester City investigation had found the bench-bound bull of Buenos Aires guilty of breaches of contract. Disciplinary proceedings await.

Meanwhile on famously socialist Merseyside, Liverpool ignored David Cameron's "we're in this together" schtick by announcing that they wanted to break away and negotiate individual overseas TV deals in the manner of Barcelona and Real Madrid – and heaven knows we wouldn't want a two-team league like that.

The club's MD Ian Ayre claims that the current collective-bargaining deals leave British clubs at risk of being left behind by their European counterparts by sharing money equally among the 20 Premier League clubs. You can imagine how quickly Wigan chairman Dave Whelan was on the phone to the media.

The Olympic Stadium farrago continued with the owners deciding they weren't going to hand the keys to West Ham after all, but seek tenants. The Hammers immediately suggested themselves.

Down in the Championship, Nottingham Forest have begun their rebuilding after the resignations of Steve McClaren and chairman Nigel Doughty by appointing former Forest player and manager Frank Clark as chairman. Clark’s first job was to appoint Steve Cotterill as new manager, but there'll be a few who'd like to have Clark back in the dugout – or for that matter at left-back.

And finally, in Northern Ireland's Irn Bru League Cup, the game between Glentoran and Portadown was marred by Glens goalkeeping coach David McClelland getting his contact lens blown out by a firework.

Stats Zone: Left-wing Liverpool, right-wing Chelsea & Moyes's defence plan

Jon Champion: Premier League returns with beef, steak & puffed chests

Spain: La Preview – the new Depor & Levante's special snacks

Italy: Serie A's sensational newcomers

Argentina: Atlanta, Artime, Zubeldia, Bohemians & Millionaires

Holland: Van Wolfswinkel bides his time before the big stage

Spain: Poll reveals deep divide in La Liga loyalties

More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

Where next after Nigel for Northern Ireland?

So Nigel Worthington has finally jumped before he was pushed. Cue the rumours for the lucky person who will try to lead Northern Ireland to the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. Worthington has been hard done by, especially with some of the abuse he was getting towards the end by the supposed best fans in the world. OK, we've only won two out of 23, but the qualifying defeats to Serbia and Estonia came down to individual mistakes by players, which was hardly Worthington’s fault. And 11 of the 23 have been friendlies, which our best players love to pull out of. As Maik Taylor said, “There's a sense of resentment among the lads who do turn up and put their necks on the line for the country.”

The first XI is definitely capable of finishing more than one place above the Faroe Islands. Steve Davis is by far Rangers’ best player. Chris Baird, Chris Brunt and Jonny Evans play every week in the English Premier League. Craig Cathcart has a season in the top flight under his belt with Blackpool and Kyle Lafferty is finally starting to look like a half-decent striker. The young players coming through look positive. Josh Carson and Ryan McLaughlin were fantastic last week in the Under-19 tournament. And at the highest level, despite losing 3-0 to Italy, the kids who actually bothered to turn up for the senior squad did well.

But young players switching their allegiance to the Republic is killing us. Under the Good Friday Agreement (which FIFA says makes them powerless to intervene), those born in the north can choose their sporting allegiance. Having come through the Northern Ireland youth teams, Manchester United’s Darron Gibson, Stoke’s Marc Wilson, Everton's Shane Duffy and most recently Sunderland’s James McClean have all gone south. In a bid to stop this, Worthington spent an amazing amount of time – especially compared to Lawrie Sanchez – working with the under-age squads. Northern Ireland legend Gerry Armstrong was even appointed the IFA’s elite player mentor to try and stem the flow of players switching to the other side.

The IFA have said they will wait until after December to make their decision on who will take over. A friend asked at the weekend if I thought Nigel Worthington could lead us to Brazil. I replied that I thought not – but I don’t think anyone else can either. Hopefully the new manager will prove a few people wrong.

– Ralph Hewitt, FourFourTwo.com writer

Read the full feature here

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"He appeared on the training field completely naked"
One on One, Dec 2006: Paolo Di Canio

"I’ve got my driving test coming up: if I pass I’d like a VW Golf"
Boy's a Bit Special, Aug 2002: Darren Bent

"I dressed like a tramp and he was black. We were the ‘Cockney Blades’"
Sing When You're Winning, Oct 2005: Paul Heaton

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Meet the club that paid £7.5 million per Premier League point

2011-10-05T08:00:00Z

Below you’ll find a rather interesting league table. It shows the price that 10 Premier League club owners have paid for each and every point their club has won since they took over. Take a look…

So how much would you pay for a Premier League point? Any Premier League club owners care to answer?

Now, we’re not stupid: we know the science we’ve applied isn’t going to win the Nobel Prize anytime soon. But as a snapshot of the current situation in Premier League boardrooms, it’s fascinating stuff.

Though Liverpool top a table that John W Henry would surely rather they didn’t, you’d guess he won’t be too upset. Having splashed out to buy the club 12 months ago, then invested in players to make them competitive again, he’ll feel confident that the points will pile up and the price per point will rapidly drop.

Find out where John W Henry is in the Football Rich List 2011/12

Ditto Sheikh Mansour – if he cares at all.

After all, in this particular league, once you’ve bought your club, the only way is down. Even Roman Abramovich is under £2m per point now.

The big losers: Arsenal & Everton

But what of Stanley Kroenke at Arsenal, third in the list, having spent £1 million more PER POINT than both Manchester United and Chelsea, but still struggling to compete for silverware.

Or Everton, the paupers across Stanley Park. At £48,000 per point, the Toffees even manage to make Tottenham Hotspur look profligate.

And the revelation, just four days after another derby defeat, that Liverpool have spent 156 TIMES MORE per point can only increase the pressure on an Everton board already facing serious criticism for their failure to invest.

Find out where Bill Kenright is in the Football Rich List 2011/12

In the context of our price per point league table, a 2-0 defeat to Liverpool looks admirable. But not many in the Gwladys Street End will see it that way.

Did you know?

This bit won’t stand up to any mathematical interrogation whatsoever. But it’s harmless enough. At £7.5m per point…

• Liverpool would have had to stump up £301m to guarantee avoiding relegation last season.

• Or £608m to win the Premier League title.

• Luis Suarez only needs to earn Liverpool 3 points this season to pay back his transfer fee.

• And Charlie Adam only needs to earn 1 point to pay back his transfer fee (though some would say he owes another 3 points after that sending off against Spurs).

Club-by-club breakdown: how we worked it out

Liverpool
Since October 15 2010, Liverpool FC has been owned by Fenway Sports Group (which in turn is owned by American, John W Henry). Fenway paid £300m for the club, and have spent a further £144m on it in the interim, resulting in a total spending figure of £444m. In the short time period since this ownership began, Liverpool have scored 59 Premier League points making Fenway’s cost per point £7,525,423.73.

Manchester City
Sheikh Mansour became the owner of the Manchester City football club on September 23 2008, paying £210m to take control of the club. Since then he’s poured £793m into the club, bringing his total spending to a staggering £1.003 billion. Since then, City have notched up a total of 188 premier league points, meaning Mansour has paid the grand sum of £5,335,106.38 for every league point.

Sunderland
Ellis Short has invested £300m into Sunderland since taking it over in May 2009. The club has only won a total of 93 points since then, creating a hefty sum of £2,257,526.88 for every point earned.

Arsenal
Stanley Kroenke’s Arsenal shares are worth around £731m. In the period since he first bought shares in the North London club in 2007, Arsenal have picked up 298 Premier League points, resulting in a price of £2,453,020.13 per point.

Manchester United
US billionaire Malcolm Glazer controversially bought Manchester United for £790m in May 2005. Since then he has invested nothing in the club, the funds for transfers being self-generating. Yet Manchester United has gone on to win 523 League points, resulting in a total expenditure of £1,510,516.25 for every point.

Chelsea
Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich bought Chelsea for £140m in June 2003 and has since spent £816.5m on the club, bringing his total expenditure to £956.5m. In the eight years since the transaction took place, Chelsea have won 680 Premier League points resulting in a total cost of £1,406,617.65 for every point.

Aston Villa
American entrepreneur Randy Lerner bought Aston Villa for £62.6m in August 2006, and has put a further £223m into the club since. Villa have won 289 Premier League points in Lerner’s five years, making the price of every point £988,235.29.

Fulham
Infamous as the previous owner of Harrods, Mohamed Al-Fayed, added Fulham FC to his portfolio back in the summer of 1997. He paid £6.25m for the club and has since put around £203.6m into it. In the 14 years since he bought it, Fulham has earned a total of 460 Premier League points meaning that Al-Fayed has paid a comparatively cheap £456,195.65 per point.

Tottenham Hotspur
ENIC Group owner Joe Lewis first bought shares in Tottenham Hotspur in 2001 and, by 2011, owned 85 percent of the club. The club was worth £150m then, and has earned 564 League point since, which works out at £303,191.49 per point, including Lewis’s subsequent investments.

Everton
Everton chairman Bill Kenwright paid a relatively small £20m for the club. Since he became majority shareholder in 2004, the Toffees have earned 415 League points. That works out at the cheapest price per point in the 2010/11 top 10 Premier League clubs: just £48,192.77.

FOOTBALL RICH LIST: Sheikh Mansour stays top of Rich List
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: Henry highest new entry on Rich List
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: See the Top 100 in full
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: Man United players dominate Rich List
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: Discover the 20 richest players
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: Capello tops manager standings
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: The 10 richest managers revealed
FOOTBALL RICH LIST: How we count the beans

The Football Rich List 2011/12: How we count the beans

2011-10-05T07:30:00Z

So the FourFourTwo.com Football Rich List is out. How do we do it? Is it as easy as ringing up Becks and the boys and asking how they're rolling?

Of course not. (For a start, Rio would probably merk us and say he's worth a trillion. And Carlos wouldn't come to the phone.) But much of the information is in the public domain, and checkable.

The first thing we do is hire the experts. As ever, the FourFourTwo Football Rich List 2011/12 was compiled by Philip Beresford, who is compiler of The Sunday Times Rich List and has been working on that list since 1989. He's ably assisted by Dominic Prince.

Together with his team of researchers, Beresford has combed the company accounts of both quoted and private companies to search for our top 100. Like we say, the information's often out there. It's just a boring job compiling it. Leave it to Bez, that's what we do.

To qualify, football’s wealthiest people had to be either British citizens, based here or have a significant stake in an English, Welsh or Scottish football league club if they are based overseas.

Football is no different to any other walk of life in that most of the money belongs to people in suits. That's why the bulk of the list is made up of directors, shareholders or both.

Now, in case you're confused, directors sit on the board and make decisions about the future of the club – whether or not they have shares.

Football very rarely being a lucrative business, they've often made their money elsewhere and been invitedon to the board to try to make money for the club. In many cases, the money coming in tends to be their own, because in the vast majority of instances, up and down the land, the directors are there because they're fans of the club.

We have also included the elite of players from Chelsea, Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester City and other clubs who have – through contracts and endorsements – made enough to make our cut-off point of wealth.

All stakes and options in quoted companies were valued in late-September 2011 using the Financial Times prices page as our source. Can't say fairer than that. We've tried to take a realistic view of likely tax bills (usually low) when private companies have been sold. Private company stakes are valued at approximately 10 times their latest profit figures.

Reference sources include:  Fame and Dash (two computerised databases giving access to Companies House), Nominus (which tracks stakes in quoted companies), the Corporate Register and Hemscott.net for access to quoted company details. The Sunday Times Rich List has also proved invaluable in tracking footballers’ wages and endorsements. The Forbes list has also been referred to.

And that's it. It's all above board and on the level. Honest, guv...

The 100 richest people in British football * The 20 richest players in Britain * The 10 richest managers in Britain

The Battle of Manchester, football trafficking and a trip to the seaside

2011-10-05T07:00:00Z

We don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a bit of noise coming from Manchester this season.

For the first time in over 40 years, United and City are locked in a meaningful battle – and we have the full story from the men involved in the November issue of FourFourTwo, out now.

It’s on: the fight for footballing supremacy. FourFourTwo investigates the shift in power towards Roberto Mancini’s men, from Mansour’s millions and the rejuvenation of a city, to both teams’ scintillating starts. What’s more, we speak to Mancini himself, as well as Paul Scholes, Nemanja Vidic, Micah Richards, Tom Cleverley and Brian Kidd. Phew.

Plus, Michael Cox of Zonal Marking uses our app FourFourTwo Stats Zone to analyse where and how United and City win their battles.

Sergio Aguero has looked a different class since his arrival in England. The Argentine superstar tells FFT about handling expectations, scoring goals and the Manchester weather – not to mention the relationship between his manager and a certain Carlos Tevez.

Also hitting the heights at last is Ashley Young, who has realised his overwhelming potential at Old Trafford. He answers our questions on becoming England’s new hope, beating his boyhood heroes 8-2 and how it feels to be leading the kids at Manchester United.

Of course, the title race and quest for Champions League glory isn’t based solely in the north west. Chelsea’s Fernando Torres has endured a rocky start to his new life in London, but can he recover his world-conquering form of old? We thought we’d ask him, in a tell-all exclusive. Did you know he used to be a keeper?

Nando’s worries pale in comparison to some who wish to be as famous. Lured to Europe by false promises from false agents, thousands of young African wannabes are abandoned on the streets of Europe with no money and no food. FFT explores the tragic truth of football trafficking.

Our One-on-One this month is a bit of a cracker – no less than Rivaldo, once the best player in the world and still plying his trade in Brazil. He answers your questions on World Cups and why he regrets never playing in England – but not the face clutch against Turkey.

Heard the one about the player who watches Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory before every game? Or the club president who scattered 26kg of salt on his team’s pitch for luck? No? Then you need to read FFT’s guide to football’s maddest superstitions.

One team don’t need luck, and that’s Uruguay. With a superb youth system and thriving league, the South Americans have undergone a revolution under Oscar Tabarez to become one of the world’s best sides, despite having a population count lower than Scotland. Find out their secret in part four of our youth development series.

And if that’s not enough, we go on the road with Ipswich fans given a free trip to Blackpool, speak to Thiago Silva about Milan and Brazil, recall when Scottish teams were good as Rangers were a whisker away from the 1992-93 Champions League Final, pit the latest incarnations of PES and FIFA against each other and get a possession masterclass from Jack Wilshere. It’s all here, in the new November issue of FourFourTwo, on sale now.

The new issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by: Rivaldo, Rogerio Ceni, Frank Leboeuf, Sean Rigg, Paul Lake, Damian Lewis, Andrew Cole, Tony Book, Paddy Kenny, Ashley Young, Micah Richards, Jean-Marc Adjovi-Boco, Dave McPherson, Frank de Boer, Stuart McCall, Trevor Sinclair, David Wright, Jack Wilshere, Linus Hallenius, Greg Abbott, Neil Murray, Jason Roberts, Justin Moorhouse, Tom Cleverley, Steve Morison, Sergio Aguero, Diego Aguirre, Pieter Huistra, Gus Poyet, Danny Green, Oscar Tabarez, Brian Kidd, Thiago Silva, Nemanja Vidic, Gary McSwegan, Nick Worth, Paul Scholes, Fernando Torres, Tamika Mkandawire, Roberto Mancini, Scott Parker, Jean-Claude Mbvoumin, Fabian Coito, Michel Salgado, Ken Doherty and Stuff magazine, who review FIFA 12 and PES 2012 for us.

Heroes & Villains: Lovable barmpots, sub-human scum & hypocritical gum-flappers

2011-10-03T15:30:00Z

FourFourTwo.com features editor James Maw names the boys who 'done good' and shames those who...didn't

HEROES

Roberto Mancini & Mario Balotelli
The Italian’s decision to make five changes from Tuesday’s defeat in Munich was vindicated - and then some - with the Eastlanders romping to a 4-0 victory at Ewood Park.

The less-than-sexy shadow of Carlos Tevez had threatened to loom large over the previously in-form Citizens, but an emphatic victory over their north-west rivals did little to suggest any long-term damage had been done, not least with lovable barmpot Mario Balotelli once again coming to the fore. The Italian scored his second league goal in as many games, while creating goalscoring opportunities for others and was a constant thorn in the side of the ragged Rovers defence, in what was an impressively mature performance from a player often chastised for lacking focus and drive.

If Super Mario can maintain this form, perhaps there'll be no need to splash out on a replacement for Tevez in January.

Frank Lampard
We were told his career at the top level was over. He scored a hat trick on Sunday and is now, once again, in Fabio Capello’s England squad. Some decline, eh?

His treble at the Reebok helped the Blues romp to a 5-1 win over Bolton, and saw him become Chelsea’s fifth highest goalscorer of all time. Lampard still has a big role to play for Chelsea, even if that role doesn’t entail starting every single match. His desire and experience could be crucial if the West Londoners are to successfully chase down Manchesters United and City.

"In case you were struggling, this is how many goals I've scored"

Andy Johnson
We were told his career at the top level was over. He scored a hat-trick on Sundaybut is still NOT in Fabio Capello’s England squad. Where’s the justice?

Despite the crushing disappointment of not being involved in the national set-up, Johnson will be on somewhat of a high, having scored as many Premier League goals in one afternoon as he mustered in the entirety of the 2010/11 season. In doing so, he helped Fulham to their first league win of the season and helped manager Martin Jol end a 13-match run without a win in England’s top flight, spanning the first two months of this season and the bitter, soggy dregs of his tenure at Tottenham.

Gabriel Agbonlahor
Like Johnson, Agbonlahor has already matched his tally of top flight goals from last season; his opener against Wigan was his fourth of the campaign, and the jet-heeled forward looks to be heading back to somewhere near his best.

Scott Parker
While Kyle Walker was named Sky Sports’ man of the match after a decent all-round performance, capped off by his 30-yard winner, the real plaudits should go to England squad-mate Parker, who demonstrated exactly why Harry Redknapp had been so keen to take him to White Hart Lane with a dominant midfield display in Sunday’s win over Arsenal.

The 30-year-old continued his speedy assimilation into the Tottenham engine-room, protecting the back four in a game that saw Spurs without the ball for prolonged spells. His record since arriving in N17 speaks for itself – played four, won four.

Ooooh errrr...

Adel Taarabt
With his team getting comprehensively gubbed, the QPR playmaker left Sunday’s match at Craven Cottage early and caught the bus home - clearly on the same wavelength as the fans. A real man of the people…

VILLAINS

Premier League fans
Not all of them, obviously, but this was hardly a weekend when those on the terraces covered themselves in glory.

First their were the berks in the crowd at Goodison Park, who saw fit to launch a barrage of bottles, coins and other brick-a-brack at Liverpool players who had the audacity to celebrate scoring a goal in a rather important match, or even - wait for it - TAKE A CORNER! A number of Arsenal fans, meanwhile, felt it appropriate to serenade former player Emmanuel Adebayor with a reprehensible chant relating to the gun attack on the Togo national team bus during the 2010 African Cup of Nations in which two of the Tottenham loanee’s fellow countrymen, and the bus driver, were killed. This in turn led to pockets of the home support responding with that old, pathetic chestnut about Arsene Wenger. Scum, sub-human scum.

At least Norwich fans gave us something to smile about, with their chant aimed at Manchester United’s ‘green and gold’ brigade; “We’ve come for our scarves. We’ve come for our scarves. We’re Norwich City, we’ve come for our scarves.”

"...but the vending machines here don't take £2 coins"

Bolton
The very nature of this blog, and indeed football, means there is a certain degree of repetition. As such, you have probably heard this before, but Bolton really are looking utterly atrocious at the back this season. The figures don’t make particularly pleasant reading for the club’s fans, players or manager; in the six Premier League matches since their opening day win at QPR, Wanderers have scored five, conceded 21 and accrued the disconcertingly circular total of zero points.

As a Trotters cult hero, Owen Coyle can expect more patience than many other managers in his position would be afforded, but it can't be much longer before serious questions are asked of him.

Mark Halsey & Ron Ganfield
Wolves will certainly have felt hard done by in their home defeat to Newcastle. The Midlanders should have had a first-half penalty - when lumbering Toon defender Steven Taylor brought down Jamie O‘Hara in the penalty area - only for Halsey’s to insist the incident occurred just outside the 18-yard box.

Then, as they chased a late equaliser, Matt Jarvis headed the ball back across for Kevin Doyle to bundle home, at the second attempt. But flag-tender Ganfield -sporting a very fetching cap that would not have looked out of place on the head of a Geography teacher on mufty day - inexplicably ruled that the ball had gone out of play and awarded the visitors a goal kick, much to the delight of Mick McCarthy.

Martin Atkinson
There’s no point skirting round the issue, Atkinson made a right old clanger in dismissing Everton’s Jack Rodwell for a legal - if robust - challenge on Luis Suarez, who of course reacted in modest fashion…

Having then made a rod for his own back, Atkinson failed to dole out matching punishments to a host of players - in red shirts and blue - for similar and, in some cases, clearly more dangerous challenges.

One man who decided to shy away from a debate on refereeing inconsistency was Liverpool boss Kenny Dalglish. The Scot reacted angrily to being asked about the key talking point of the match in an interview with the BBC, having spent the last month flapping his gums about what he had perceived to be a string of injustices against his side to anybody who would listen. Maybe he’s just getting bored of it…

Weekender: Missing history, infrequent derbies and a timely rant

2011-09-30T15:00:00Z

1) Willy and Manu will miss out on making history
With Spurs defender William Gallas set to miss Sunday’s meeting with former club Arsenal, he and new Tottenham teammate Emmanuel Adebayor will miss out on the chance to make a bit of history. The pair were set to become the first two players to feature together for both clubs in a North London derby. Regardless of who they first appear together in white shirts against, they will become only the second duo to have played together for both North London sides, following in the footsteps of Steve Walford and Willie Young – albeit the other way round. Walford and Young first lined up together for Terry Neill's Tottenham against Ipswich Town on January 31 1976, but Neill soon made the controversial switch to Arsenal and took Walford and Young with him. The pair played together for Arsenal several times.

2) Over familiarity breeds contempt...
There are three big derby matches in the Premier League this weekend, but for QPR and Fulham it will be the first ever in the top flight. Liverpool and Everton are far more familiar when it comes to ‘enjoying’ eachother’s company at English football’s top table - the Merseyside Derby is the most played top-flight derby in England, with Saturday’s set to be the 185th. Spurs and Arsenal, meanwhile, will meet for the 149th time in the top division. Yet those records are dwarfed by the Old Firm, with last weekend’s meeting at Ibrox the 301st between the Glasgow giants in the top flight. That’s what happens when the two biggest teams in the country are pitted against one another more often than the average octogenarian goes to the lavatory…

3) If you want goals, head to the Reebok this weekend...
Bottom of the table Bolton Wanderers are the only team in the Premier League or Football League whose league matches have all featured three goals or more. Next up for the Trotters? Chelsea, a team who have scored four goals on their last two trips to Bolton, and have the highest number of different goalscorers in the Premier League so far this season (10). It could be another long afternoon for the Lancashire side and their be-shorted manager.

4) This is England's worst Champions League in eight years
This is the worst start four English clubs have had to a Champions League group stage. Two measly wins and eleven points from eight matches do little to support suggestions the Premier League is ‘the best league in the world’.
While Arsenal and Chelsea may be happy with four points apiece, Manchester United will be concerned at having drawn twice against what they’d consider weaker opposition – and their city rivals, err, City, will be nervous at having just one point to their name.
This is a stark contrast to the 2006/07 season, when Liverpool’s draw in Eindhoven was the only blemish on the start made by the English ‘Big Four’ (remember them?). Three English sides made the semis that year, too, with Rafa Benitez’s Reds losing 2-1 in the final to AC Milan.
Still, at least it’s not 2003/04. That was the last time England didn’t have four representatives in the group stage – Newcastle failed to qualify. Even so, it wasn’t the best start for the three that made it. Arsenal were battered 3-0 at home by Inter and struggled to a 0-0 at Lokomotiv Moscow, Manchester United suffered a 2-1 defeat in Stuttgart and Chelsea lost 2-0 at home to Besiktas.

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Nothing beats a good five-a-side football match with the lads. But with shoddy weather fast approaching, Wash & Go are giving you a warmer, indoors-based option...
See all competitions

However much Carlos Tevez may try and avoid it, there was some compelling action taking part on football pitches across Europe over the last seven days.

Last Saturday saw Manchester United flinch for the first time in the title race, drawing 1-1 at Stoke in a typically full-blooded encounter. City seized the chance to move back level on points with their rivals with a 2-0 win over Everton.

The chasing pack all won too, with Chelsea, Spurs and early surprise packages Newcastle dispatching of Swansea, Wigan and Blackburn respectively.

There were also wins for relegation candidates Norwich - who beat Sunderland 2-1, and Arsenal (tee-hee) - who were much-improved in a 3-0 victory over Bolton.

In the Football League - the very bottom of it, no less - beleaguered Plymouth finally won a League Two match. Argyle disposed of Macclesfield 2-0 just days after sacking poor old Peter Reid. Whether or not it cheered him up remains to be seen. Similarly, Championship side Doncaster Rovers sealed a first league win of the season, having replaced Sean O'Driscoll with Dean Saunders just a day beforehand.

Crystal Palace came from behind to win at rivals Brighton, though that Championship clash was overshadowed by the midweek Champions League action.

It was a rather mixed week for the English sides, with Manchester United slumping to a disappointing draw with Swiss side Basel, City being defeated in Munich and Chelsea blowing a lead late on at Valencia thanks to a mindless moment from Salomon Kalou in the penalty area. It was left to 'crisis club' Arsenal to find a win, with Greek champions Olympiacos beaten 2-1 at the Emirates.

It was a better night in the Europa League on Thursday, with all four English sides winning. Stoke beat Besiktas, Fulham overcame Odense, Birmingham came from behind to beat Maribo, while Spurs recovered from a scare to eventually put Irish minnows Shamrock Rovers to the sword.

Finally, a word on that man Xavi Hernandez. Barcelona's midfield maestro completed more passes in the first half of the European champions' match away to BATE Borisov on Wednesday than the entire Belarussian side. He's good. Good at football.

Zonal Marking's Stats Zone EPL preview: Moyes's plan, Coyle's dilemma

Italy: Inter sacking the only predictable thing in a mad week

Video: Jose Mourinho loves shaving and, apparently, chairs

Spain: Catalan press beg beaten Mourinho to stick with Madrid

Fan's Eye View: Was Fernando Torres ever really that great?

France: Meet the Mexican goalkeeper so popular he crashed the internet

Iffy's Inside Write: Stupefying sackings and mystifying money moves

More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

Warnock's unusual rant was the right move

Neil Warnock has never been a man to mince his words. That’s why, even after lingering for a good hour inside the surprisingly swish Loftus Road media suite in the wake of QPR’s dramatic 1-1 draw with Aston Villa on Sunday, his belated arrival at the post-match press conference still aroused in me a pang of keen anticipation. This, I thought, will surely be good.

I figured he would rail against referee Michael Oliver’s admittedly mystifying decision to award Villa a penalty just after the interval, and question how Alan Hutton had afterwards gotten away with several pieces of defending more in keeping with basketball than the beautiful game. He did.

I also thought he might bring up namesake Stephen Warnock’s ugly-looking challenge on his skipper Joey Barton midway through the first half, the kind of challenge Barton himself has subjected many an unfortunate opponent to in his controversial career.

That he didn’t was surprising, but even more so was the vitriol he reserved for the tackle which earned full-back Armand Traore, recently signed from Arsenal, a second yellow card with a minute of normal time remaining.

“I thought it was a disgrace, and I’ll fine him as much as I can,” Warnock said of the incident.   “I pulled him back in the tunnel to tell him what a disgrace he was. I think he understood what I was saying. It’s not clever at all.”

The QPR boss then went on to temper his criticism with the more standard ‘he’s a young lad and a very good player so I’m sure he’ll learn from this’ line, but it was the cutting nature of his initial remarks which stuck – both in the mind and in the following day’s headlines.

While Warnock’s response was utterly justified, it was still extraordinary. In an era of unprecedented media coverage, it has become virtually unheard of for a top level manager to chastise one of his own players so unequivocally in public.

Warnock’s public reprimand does not guarantee that Traore will never get needlessly sent off again, but it will certainly make him think twice before making further rash decisions which could have dire consequences for his team.

So too will the rest of the QPR squad, for fear of being subjected to similar treatment in the future. The boss has made his point, and made it well.

Although one wonders whether Warnock would have been quite so vociferous in his criticism had the player in question been Adel Taarabt or, heaven forbid, Joey Barton. Twitter might have exploded with the backlash…

– Liam Twomey, FourFourTwo.com writer

Read the full feature here

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"I wasn't a Tottenham fan; I was a Hoddle fan"
One on One, Feb 2011: Dennis Bergkamp

"I did my diploma as a baker. My speciality? Swabian pretzels"
Ask a Silly Question, Dec 2007: Jurgen Klinsmann

"His goal against the English was amazing. It was something only a genius could do"
Tevez on Maradona, 2008: Carlos Tevez

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Ryan Peasland, Tom Hocking and the Lithuanian basketball team for trying

For sale: One Manchester City shirt, hardly worn...

2011-09-29T11:32:00Z

"I won't be needing this..."

See, Carlos Tevez isn't all bad. Despite refusing to appear in Manchester City's Champions League defeat to Bayern Munich, he was still willing to do the honourable thing and swap shirts with Brazilian fullback Rafinha.

Warnock's Traore rant - though extraordinary - was just the tonic

2011-09-27T14:19:00Z

Neil Warnock has never been a man to mince his words.

That’s why, even after lingering for a good hour inside the surprisingly swish Loftus Road media suite in the wake of QPR’s dramatic 1-1 draw with Aston Villa on Sunday, his belated arrival at the post-match press conference still aroused in me a pang of keen anticipation. This, I thought, will surely be good.

Warnock collars Traore as the fullback heads for the tunnel

There is no question that what Traore did was worthy of the rebuke. With time running out, his team chasing the game and despite the knowledge he had already been booked, either laziness or frustration prompted the full-back to make a challenge he knew, or at least should have known, would end his time on the pitch and hinder the efforts of his team.

But while Warnock’s response was utterly justified, it was still extraordinary. In an era of unprecedented media coverage, it has become virtually unheard of for a top level manager to chastise one of his own players so unequivocally in public.

Indeed, the opposite has actually become the norm: to justify or at least to mitigate dubious actions even when all sound reason and logic suggests otherwise.

You would be hard pressed to find an example of Sir Alex Ferguson setting upon one of his own charges in such ruthless fashion regardless of the transgression, and Arsene Wenger has ‘failed to see’ far worse from Arsenal players.

Wenger was far more peaceful in his handling of a young Traore

Moreover, it’s easy to understand why most coaches opt against this kind of public shaming. Footballers already receive enough criticism on a regular basis from journalists, ex-pros and fans without their own boss weighing in, and often a gentle arm around the shoulder ultimately proves more productive than a sharp slap across the face.

Yet a healthy dose of humiliation can occasionally be just what the doctor ordered to restore a player’s sense of perspective. Mario Balotelli is, and probably always will be a high-maintenance individual, but boss Roberto Mancini’s intelligent use of ‘tough love’ has commanded the headstrong youngster’s loyalty and respect to an extent which no other manager has so far proved capable.

It is also true that singular bouts of ill-discipline, if left unchecked, can gradually spread throughout a club and create an entire culture which is much harder to eradicate.

Just ask Arsenal, who are consistently near the bottom of the Premier League’s disciplinary table and whose players have already racked up three red cards and a retrospective ban in the first six games of this season.

So too will the rest of the QPR squad, for fear of being subjected to similar treatment in the future. The boss has made his point, and made it well.

Premier Ratings: Chelsea looking fluid as Balotelli finally cracks a smile

2011-09-27T08:30:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's James Maw attributes fairly arbitrary ratings to each of the Premier League's 20 clubs on the basis of their performances this weekend - just to keep himself busy...

CHELSEA 8.5
(W 4-1, Swansea H)
As tactically impressive a display from Andre Villas-Boas and his side as has been seen so far this season. The West Londoners responded well to going a man down when Fernando Torres was dismissed, and looked a fluid attacking unit, even with only 10 men on the pitch.

MANCHESTER CITY 8.5
(W 2-0, Everton H)
Had Saturday's match finished a draw, it wouldn't have been the first time in recent memory the Toffees have frustrated a title challenger. The fact that Mancini's men were able to eventually break their resistance is a very good sign – as was the smile that adorned Mario Balotelli’s scampish mug.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 8
(W 3-1, Blackburn H)
While few expected Newcastle to start the season so strongly, most would have tipped them for a home win against Blackburn. But that’s exactly why this was such a good result – Pardew’s side didn't wilt under the pressure of expectation from the stands, and that’s half the battle at St James’ Park these days.

NORWICH CITY 7.5
(W 2-1, Sunderland H)
A much-needed first home win of the season saw the Canaries rise to ninth in the Premier League, and the Norfolk outfit looked more than comfortable for the bulk of Monday night’s match. Yet their profligacy in front of goal and sloppiness at the back led to a nervous final five minutes, when things could and perhaps should have been more straightforward.

ARSENAL 7.5
(W 3-0, Bolton H)
At this stage of their ‘crisis’ any win would do for the Gunners, but with Saturday’s came perhaps their best league performance of the campaign to date. Van Persie appears to be relishing his new ‘Captain Marvel’ role, notching his 99th and 100th goals for the London side as they eased some of the tension engulfing the club with a comfortable win.

STOKE CITY 7
(D 1-1, Man Utd H)
The most telling sign of Stoke’s rise is that this result didn’t come as a surprise. The Potters kept David de Gea busy all evening and were more than worth their point. Five points from home matches with Chelsea, Liverpool and United represents a highly impressive and typically solid home start to the new campaign.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 7
(W 2-1, Wigan A)
Another win, another impressive showing from Parker and Adebayor. Had Spurs been able to maintain their first-half momentum, this would have been a stroll; the fact that things didn't pan out that way suggests they may need to learn to make their dominance count for more in future.

LIVERPOOL 7
(W 2-1, Wolves H)
Perhaps not the most spectacular of victories, but given their back-to-back defeats on the road in their last two matches, it was certainly a timely one. Dalglish will have been most encouraged by the performance of Andy Carroll, who led the line as any No.9 worth £35m of salt should – holding up the ball and bringing team-mates into play. If he can continue that, goals should follow in time.

MANCHESTER UNITED 6.5
(D 1-1, Stoke A)
In many ways Saturday’s fixture looked United’s most challenging so far this season, and when Hernandez joined Rooney on the sidelines after 11 minutes, the task got even tougher. Despite those absences, Ferguson will still have expected more from his side in the final third, with the experienced Giggs and in-form Nani spurning clear chances to turn one point into three.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS 5.5
(D 1-1, Aston Villa H)
After an impressive display against Newcastle and a superb win at Wolves, this was something of a step backwards for Warnock’s new look Hoops. Perhaps most concerning was the fact that, having had 17 cracks at goal, it took a deflection off Villa defender Richard Dunne’s burly frame to salvage a point for the hosts.

ASTON VILLA 5.5
(D 1-1, QPR A)
Another away point and another game unbeaten, but this was hardly a performance that inspired a belief that run will be extended much further than the current six matches. Villa were poor for large swathes of the match and were fortunate to be awarded a soft penalty, though that luck had clearly expired by the time Dunne bundled into his own net to level the scores.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION 5.5
(D 0-0, Fulham H)
The Baggies were perhaps fortunate to avoid going in at the halfway mark of Saturday’s match on level terms, having been well bettered by the visitors, before a spot of tactical tweaking from Roy Hodgson saw the hosts revert to their traditional 4-4-2 formation from their strange, exotic and foreign-sounding 4-3-3.

FULHAM 5.5
(D 0-0, WBA A)
Like the Baggies, Fulham won't take much from their bore-draw at the Hawthorns. But unlike the Midlanders, the West London side are still looking for their first league victory, a pattern that will grow all the more concerning as the season wears on. Still, this wasn’t a bad performance, but the Cottagers will need to be more clinical – and perhaps cynical – if they’re to avoid a season of struggle.

EVERTON 5
(L 0-2, Man City A)
While Moyes will be happy his side were able to frustrate City for so much of Saturday’s early kick-off, there will be few neutrals who enjoyed a performance that would perhaps best be described as overly robust. The most notable flashpoint came when Tim Cahill flew in on Vincent Kompany, a challenge which ultimately forced the Australian to withdraw from proceedings.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 5
(L 1-2, Tottenham H)
While they improved after the break, Martinez’s side put in a first-half shift so lacklustre that their usually patient and realistic fan base sent them scuttling off for their half-time oranges with the sound of booing ringing in their ears. And yet had it not been for Figueroa’s under-hit pass three minutes in, they may well have got a point.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS 5
(L 1-2, Liverpool A)
A generally impressive performance was undone by two momentary lapses in focus that saw Liverpool move into a 2-0 halftime lead. Mick McCarthy was delighted with his side’s second half showing, celebrating the fact his side were ‘back in the groove’ having played poorly in back-to-back home defeats. He’ll want points to show for it next time out, though.

SWANSEA CITY 5
(L 1-4, Chelsea A)
A relatively heavy defeat, yes, but one from which there is plenty to be drawn for the Swans. Merely breaching the Blues’ defence would have been some cause for satisfaction, particularly after their slow start to the season in front of goal, while 428 completed passes away to a top-four side is highly impressive for a newly-promoted side.

BLACKBURN ROVERS 4
(L 1-3, Newcastle A)
There was something of the After The Lord Mayor’s Show about this match and performance from Rovers, who reverted to type after their superb win over Arsenal last time out with a relatively meek showing at St James’. Steve Kean’s side mustered just three shots on goal over the 90 minutes – only one on target.

SUNDERLAND 4
(L 1-2, Norwich A)
A real lackadaisical and almost disinterested performance saw Sunderland left with too much to do by the time they woke up with five minutes left to play. Bendtner led the line well in patches, but had little in the way of support, and the Black Cats midfield did little to pressurise their opponents and prevent them playing, even if the visitors did enjoy more of the possession.

BOLTON WANDERERS 3
(L 0-3, Arsenal A)
While they have been forced to endure a fairly torrid run of fixtures since their opening day waltz through Shepherd’s Bush, Bolton should certainly be concerned that they haven’t picked up a point since. To an extent, they didn’t help themselves here, with David Wheater sent off on his first league start for the club.

Heroes & Villains: Super Mario's warm embrace & Berba's missed opportunity

2011-09-26T11:25:00Z

As City return to winning ways, United make their first slip and Arsenal actually win a football match, Mark Booth runs through the weekend's Premier League goodies and baddies...

HEROES

Alan Pardew
It can't be easy starting a new job to a cacophony of unrest from people who preferred your predecessor, then having the fixtures and fittings sold from around you. Such has been Alan Pardew's first 10 months on Tyneside: backed by only 5% of fans upon his appointment, seeing Andy Carroll sold on January's deadline day and not replaced in summer despite the additional noisy exits of Kevin Nolan, Jose Enrique and Joey Barton. No wonder the club is so often accused of being its own worst enemy.
All things considered, it's astonishing that Saturday's convincing 3-1 home win over Blackburn leaves the Magpies occupying a Champions League berth. Newcastle owe much of this unexpected wave of optimism to their manager, who continues to leap over the obstacles Mike Ashley leaves in his ample wake. Demba Ba has yet to prove he can produce the goods on a consistent basis at this level but a well-taken hat-trick and the continued good form of strike partner Leon Best could save their fortunate owner a cool £35m.

Mario Balotelli and Roberto Mancini
Bench-bound for all but 18 minutes of this Premier League season, Balotelli seized his chance after replacing Edin Dzeko in the 60th minute. With Everton's excellent defence squeezing City till the pips squeaked, the home side were running out of ideas – but the Italian usually introduces the unpredictable and scored within eight minutes, sprinting to warmly embrace Mancini.
The manager hinted after the game that the seemingly stroppy striker has reacted maturely to his place in the pecking order: "Mario didn't start for three or four games but he has worked well, did not say anything and he was waiting for this moment."
So, a manager juggles a squad of considerable talent to overcome doggedly defensive visitors and gain three points despite the team being far from its best. The stuff of champions?

Andre Villas-Boas
When AVB was named as Chelsea manager in June, hacks licked their lips and sharpened their pencils. Tediously (and falsely) touted as Mou II, the 33-year-old is a completely different character but has gone about his business at Stamford Bridge with impressive shrewdness given the instant results expected from the trigger-happy Abramovich and the size of the rebuilding job required.
He might not provide the red-tops with soundbites and headlines, but he deserves credit for Chelsea's effective start to the campaign. With Juan Mata adding a shot of well-timed and much-needed cunning to complement the muscle, the Blues lie just three points from the Manchester pacesetters. When you consider they could count themselves unlucky to leave Old Trafford empty-handed last Sunday, things don't look as gloomy for Andre Villas-Boas as some would have you believe.

Stoke City
After a weary Europa League hangover last Sunday at Sunderland, this was more like the Stoke City we've come to expect. Their fans will be heartened by the way in which the Potters rallied to recover from a goal down in a spirited second half showing against the reigning champions. A deserved point in what is normally a miserable fixture for Stoke could have been three but for a David De Gea 'worldy' from an Andy Wilkinson rasper. With Peter Crouch starting to get among the goals, Stoke could be set for a top-six challenge.

David De Gea
One way to describe a truly world-class save is that you couldn't pick fault with the goalkeeper had he not saved it. De Gea made at least two such saves to preserve a point as Manchester United started to buckle under a Stoke onslaught. The save from Andy Wilkinson was particularly eye-catching such was the speed the shot was travelling at. This wonderful performance should finish what Fergie has suggested is a media conspiracy to “destroy” the Spaniard – and perhaps the rest of the Premier League will think again before peppering the United goal with speculative efforts from range.

Robin van Persie
A brace for the Dutchman brought up a century of goals for Arsenal and showed why he's so crucial to Arsenal's hopes of getting back on track this season. At times this season Van Persie could have been forgiven for wondering what he was still doing in N5, but the manner in which he has carried himself is a credit to Arsene Wenger, thriving with the increased responsibility the Arsenal captaincy brings. What a lift a contract extension would bring to a club that enjoyed their most comfortable 90 minutes of the season so far at Bolton's expense.

VILLAINS

Dimitar Berbatov
If being a striker is largely about taking your chances, this was a huge fail for the Bulgarian. With the hamstrung Rooney ruled out, Manchester United's fallen star had a great opportunity to stake a claim for regular inclusion in a (previously) rampant side – but Berbatov offered Fergie precious little.
There are easier places to shine than the Britannia but for much of this United wing-clipping last season's Premier League top scorer was anonymous – as he has largely been since his surprise exclusion for last year's Champions League final.
Some of United's more reactionary fans are even suggesting Owen and Macheda should relegate the Bulgarian to fifth choice. While that may be a bit much, Berbatov must take his chances when they come.

David Moyes
You can hardly blame Moyes for the manner in which his side set up against City's galaxy of stars; it wasn't pretty but it was effective. Shame, then, about the Scot's vapid post-match bleating about a so-called Vincent Kompany stamp that saw Tim Cahill limp out of the match. It was an inexplicable interpretation of an incident that looked more like Cahill sliding through the back of an unaware Kompany to pick up a deserved yellow card.
Fans and journalists should place a premium on any post-match conference that isn't packed with anodyne platitudes, but fabricating controversy to divert attention from a fruitless afternoon's frustration is damaging to the game and grossly unfair on Howard Webb. Moyes continues to do a remarkable job at Goodison Park with next to no resources but it's spoiled somewhat by his occasional gracelessness in defeat.

Bolton Wanderers
Wanderers sunk to the bottom of the table after Arsenal consigned them to a fifth consecutive Premier League defeat – a 10th in 11 games if you include the soggy ***-end of last season. Owen Coyle seems to know his honeymoon period is over, given his groundbreaking dabble with 4-2-3-1 in place of the usual 4-4-2, with long-time key man Kevin Davies even dropped to the bench (though the skipper was back on 20 minutes in, replacing the groggy Ngog).
Granted, The Trotters might have fancied pulling the plug on the fixture computer that dealt them the Manchester clubs, Arsenal and Liverpool in their first six games, but with Chelsea up next Bolton will require all their manager's renowned positivity to stay chirpy.

Michael Oliver
The Premier League's youngest ever referee has acquitted himself well in his fledgling top-flight career thus far, though he incurred the wrath of Neil Warnock on Sunday afternoon for a head-scratching penalty decision. Armand Traore was adjudged to have impeded Gabby Agbonlahor on the back-post and in spite of not one protest from Villa player or supporter, a spot-kick was given. It was a bizarre moment in a game that at least seemed to spark into some semblance of life after Barry Bannan converted the fortuitous penalty. Oliver got most of his decisions right in the end but will hope for a more straightforward assignment next weekend. Though preferably not one that features Warnock.

Fernando Torres
Oh, Nando...There's no doubt the extra yard of pace and spatial awareness are at least in the post back to Chelsea's record signing. Torres buzzed around Swansea's back four with real menace, taking down Juan Mata's curled through ball before instinctively drilling the ball across Michel Vorm into the far corner to put Chelsea 1-0 up. The unfortunate thing is that Torres will miss his side's next three league matches after a wild lunge on Swans midfielder Mark Gower earned him a deserved red card. Sadly, that's just the way it's going for poor El Niño right now and he spends his second consecutive week among the villains.

Bad Boys
Five red cards and forty two yellow cards in nine games. If only those inconsiderate Premier League stars would spare a thought for those long-suffering refs who'll have endured some late nights with all that extra paperwork...

Weekender: The Grim Reaper's efficiency drive

2011-09-23T13:06:00Z

1) Pride comes before a fall for promoted clubs
Last weekend all three Premier League newbies won their games – for the first time since February 10, 2007. That day Reading defeated Aston Villa, Sheffield United beat Tottenham and Watford won at West Ham – but things didn't go as well on the next matchday. On February 24, the Blades were battered 4-0 at Liverpool, Reading were beaten at Middlesbrough and Watford suffered a 3-0 home defeat at the hands of Everton. QPR, Norwich and Swansea, be warned.

2) Jon Parkin: the second tier's managerial Grim Reaper
New Doncaster manager Dean Saunders shouldn't make himself too comfortable in the Keepmoat dugout, not unless he quickly shifts the club's newest loanee. On Thursday Cardiff lent Jon Parkin to Rovers, who sacked Sean O'Driscoll on Friday morning. Nothing new for poor old Parkin: in the last 21 months, he has seen four managers hoofed out: Dave Jones (Cardiff, May 2011), Darren Ferguson (Preston, December 2010) and Alan Irvine (Preston, December 2009). With each successive manager getting a shorter time than the last before getting the elbow, we calculate Saunders was due for the sack around Friday lunchtime.

3) How to get in the referee's head
If Kenny Dalglish was trying to influence referee Mike Jones ahead of Liverpool’s match at Tottenham when he publicly announced he'd have a private conversation with his board about condemning referees publicly (still with us?), he failed. All didn't end well for the Reds, who ended that game at White Hart Lane with nine men and with a 4-0 spanking. Still, don’t fret Kenny, here’s Robbie Savage to tell you how it’s done...
PERFORMANCE Savage on influencing referees

4) Many hands knocking at the league's back door
Want a close title race? Try Division Five. Ten games in, the Blue Square Bet Premier (as marketing men in Daffy Duck ties now insist on calling it) has Luton, Wrexham, Gateshead and Fleetwood tied up on top with 20 points, with Mansfield and Braintree only a point behind. That’s one point separating the top six, in a division from which only the champions go straight up, with the next four playing off for the second promotion slot. Much more exciting than last season’s canter by Crawley, who racked up 105 points – 25% more than sixth-placed Kidderminster. Long way to go yet, Brian, but long may the title race stay fresh.

5) Coming (very soon): Stats Zone over Europe
Ever wanted to know how many passes Xavi completes, how many times Arjen Robben gets fouled or how many shots Cristiano Ronaldo blazes a shot off target in a Champions League match? Well now you can, thanks to the latest addition to FourFourTwo's StatsZone app – due out in time for Tuesday's games. You can now access and analyse data from all of this and last season's Champions League matches, allowing you to gauge exactly how much better Barcelona are than everybody else. Yay!
STATS ZONE More on the analysis app created by FFT & Opta

They say it never rains but it pours. Even so, the inclement Lancashire weather would’ve been the least of Arsene Wenger’s problems as he watched his Arsenal side collapse in comedy fashion away to Blackburn last Saturday lunchtime.

Their 4-3 defeat to a side who had previously propped up the Premier League only served to highlight the lingering problems plaguing the Gunners – not least a disorganised defence, especially at set-pieces. Manchester City showed weaknesses of their own, dropping deep to blow a two-goal lead at Fulham, while Liverpool looked a real mess in the 4-0 tonking at the hands of Tottenham.

Tuesday and Wednesday saw the biggest of the big guns (plus Stoke and Birmingham) join the League Cup fray. Of course, they all took it very seriously, and didn’t field teams full of kids or hapless fringe-players, or stick Dimitar Berbatov at centre back for 20 minutes. Not at all. Well, maybe a little bit.

Arsenal had to come from behind to beat League Two Shrewsbury, Spurs crashed out to Stoke, Liverpool edged past Brighton, Chelsea needed penalties to knock out neighbours Fulham, while Manchester United saw off old chums Leeds.

That match at Elland Road was somewhat overshadowed by the pathetic chanting of a minority of morons, who saw fit to make light of the death of two Leeds fans in Istanbul in 2000, or the 23 who perished in the Munich air disaster. More pathetic still has been the resulting finger-pointing session and accompanying cries of ‘but they started it’. These are grown men. Amazing.

Oh yes, and Fernando Torres missed a sitter in Chelsea’s 3-1 Premier League defeat at Old Trafford, but you’re bored of that now, surely...?

Zonal Marking's Stats Zone EPL preview: Moyes's plan, Coyle's dilemma

Italy: Inter sacking the only predictable thing in a mad week

Video: Jose Mourinho loves shaving and, apparently, chairs

Spain: Catalan press beg beaten Mourinho to stick with Madrid

Fan's Eye View: Was Fernando Torres ever really that great?

France: Meet the Mexican goalkeeper so popular he crashed the internet

Iffy's Inside Write: Stupefying sackings and mystifying money moves

More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

No, you DON'T need a 20-goal striker

One of football's most enduring clichés returned last Saturday, when some ex-pros watching tellies with Jeff Stelling decided that Newcastle front-man Leon Best "isn't a 20-goal-a-season striker".

They're right – he isn't – but not many are. Last season's Premier League top scorers, with exactly 20 each, were Dimitar Berbatov and Carlos Tevez – both arguably available, but not cheap. Two seasons before that, nobody reached 20. Indeed, since the top flight reduced to 20 teams in 1995, only 21 players have reached 20 – and 10 of those were playing for that season's champions.

Clearly those who score more than a goal every other game are at a premium. But are they essential? Having one go-to guy leaves teams at the mercy of suspension, form, fitness and hatchet men, as well as risking tactical one-dimensionality.

Sir Alex Ferguson knew that. Ruud van Nistelrooy scored 20 or more in four of his five seasons at Old Trafford (he was injured for half of the other one) but in that half-decade Manchester United only won the league once. They sold him to Madrid and won three successive titles.

Having a league-leading goalscorer is undoubtedly a source of pride but football is a team game and it's far better for the unit to have a spread of players chipping in regularly rather than one spectacularly. Last season's runners-up Chelsea had Florent Malouda on 13, Didier Drogba 12, Salomon Kalou and Frank Lampard on 10; apparently they signed a big-name striker in January, but it didn't work out too well.

Although either solution would suit Alan Pardew, they do (as we're constantly reminded) love their No.9s in Newcastle. And the reliance on one goalscorer dates back to the archetypal centre-forward – the Jackie Milburn, the Nat Lofthouse, the Tommy Lawton – at the vanguard of a 2-3-5 formation designed to feed him in an era when even relegated teams would score 50 or 60 goals, the lion's share from the iconic centre-forward.

Tactics, expectations and defences have changed. Even if built around a contemporary battering ram – Drogba for Chelsea, Kevin Davies for Bolton, Grant Holt for Norwich, Emile Heskey for Fabio Capello – fluid forward formations frequently find the goals coming from other players. And as any defence knows, the more varied the angle of attacks, the harder they are to defend.

Here's another angle. Steven Fletcher's 10 goals for Wolves last season were enough to keep the Molineux side in the top flight, but Andy Johnson’s 21 in 2004/05 couldn’t save Crystal Palace from the drop. Be careful what you wish for.

– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com editor

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"I wouldn’t dream of trying to learn to fly a helicopter"
One on One, Mar 2007: Michael Owen

"I'd rather break a limb than listen to non-stop hip-hop"
Ask a Silly Question, Dec 2007: Marcus Hahnemann

"My players have to watch out or I'll come in the dressing room and kill them"
One on One, Nov 2003: Claudio Ranieri

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Vithushan Ehantharajah, Huw Davies, Ryan Peasland, Nick Ford and the Lithuanian basketball team for trying

Jose Mourinho likes shaving and chairs

2011-09-22T13:12:00Z

A frankly bizarre video featuring your friend and ours, Mr Mourinho, prancing about with a chair and pointing at stuff for some reason...

No, we don't get it either....

Premier Ratings: Spurs new boys catch the eye as Wenger's nightmare continues

2011-09-19T16:34:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's James Maw rates (and slates) the Premier League's 20 clubs on the basis of their performances this weekend...

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 9
(W 4-0, Liverpool H)
Don’t let the two red cards fool you - Spurs won this game thanks to their own brilliance, rather than Liveprool’s indiscipline. Adebayor’s impact has been instantaneous, yet it was fellow new-boy Parker who caught the eye - not allowing the Reds a moment’s peace in the middle of the park.

BLACKBURN ROVERS 8.5
(W 4-3, Arsenal H)
While they enjoyed a substantial serving of good fortune in being on the right end of two own-goals, Rovers’ doggedness and willingness to throw players forward on the counter saw them worthy of a win. If Kean can continue to tease performances out of Yakubu, relegation will look far less of a certainty.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS 8
(W 3-0, Wolves A)
While it shouldn’t be a surprise to see Rangers reinvigorated after their late-summer splurge, the speed with which they have clicked into gear certainly raises eyebrows. A comprehensive win at a ground where Manchester United, Manchester City and Chelsea all lost last term suggests they are acclimatising well to life back in the top flight.

SWANSEA CITY 7.5
(W 3-0, West Brom H)
Premier League goals for Swansea City are evidently like London buses - although they probably don’t smell of pee-pee. Having gone four matches without netting, the Swans finally came good thrice over. Although there’ll be tougher challenges ahead, this win will give confidence that their patient approach is the right one.

NORWICH CITY 7.5
(W 2-1, Bolton A)
Having completed barely over 200 passes - the fourth-lowest for a winning side in the Premier League this season - and enjoyed just 40% possession, this was, if nothing else, an efficient win. And that’ll please Paul Lambert no end.

EVERTON 7
(W 3-1, Wigan H)
This routine victory proved there’s life for Everton after Mikel Arteta (and Jermaine Beckford...), with new boys Apostolos Vellios and Royston Drenthe both netting their first goals for the club. While there are big questions to be answered off the pitch, it appears the Toffees should have enough to remain competitive in the top half.

FULHAM 7
(D 2-2, Man City H)
While they may still be searching for that elusive first victory, the Cottagers will be buoyed by their comeback against a side in such form. With West Brom and QPR coming up, they will fancy their chances of getting off the mark sooner rather than later.

MANCHESTER UNITED 6.5
(W 3-1, Chelsea H)
A win, and a win against a likely title rival, but not a performance that convinced in the same way as the four preceding it. Sir Alex Ferguson will be concerned by the number of chances his side allowed their opponents in the first half, and their inability to kill off the game in the second.

SUNDERLAND 6.5
(W 4-0, Stoke H)
The Black Cats were far from unlucky in their victory over the travel-weary Potters. But that won't matter a jot to Steve Bruce, who will have been delighted to see his previously goal-shy side net four against a traditionally solid defensive unit.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 6.5
(D 1-1, Aston Villa A)
The Magpies’ steady start to the campaign continued with a solid draw at Villa Park, but they may feel they could have had more. Pardew’s men had 22 attempts at goal, though only six hit the mark - perhaps a sign the fans’ calls for strengthening their forward line were justified.

MANCHESTER CITY 5.5
(D 2-2, Fulham A)
City will likely endure worse results than this in the coming months, but the nature with which they dropped deeper and deeper into their defensive third and ultimately blew a two-goal lead suggests that, although technically on point, they perhaps lack the mentality of 'champions'. Not that we’re ruling them out just yet, of course.

CHELSEA 5.5
(L 1-3, Man Utd A)
There’ll be plenty of positives for Andre Villas-Boas to take from Sunday’s defeat - not least the performance of Fernando TorRes, despite THAT miss. Had luck, and the offside flag, gone in their favour, they could well have taken a point, which would have been just about right given their input to a compelling match.

ASTON VILLA 5.5
(D 1-1, Newcastle H)
There are unbeaten starts and there are unbeaten starts. Seven points from five matches against sides who finished outside last season’s top six is a fairly unspectacular version. Eight shots on target in their last three matches perhaps underline where the problem lies.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 4.5
(L 1-3, Everton A)
While Martinez will have been frustrated at having seen the game slip away in the dying minutes, perhaps a bigger blow was the injury suffered by star striker Hugo Rodallega, who looks set to be out until Christmas with a knee ligament injury.

BOLTON WANDERERS 4
(L 1-2, Norwich H)
Alarm bells will be ringing at the Reebok after a fourth straight league defeat. Losing to Manchester City, Liverpool and Manchester United is nothing to be ashamed of, but a home defeat to the newly-promoted Canaries exposed Wanderers as somewhat witless - Owen Coyle quickly needs to find a way of turning the tide.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION 4
(L 0-3, Swansea A)
Having tried playing well and losing (three times) and playing not-bad and winning, the Baggies opted to play terribly and get thumped in South Wales. And it worked a treat, with the visitors gifting the Swans a two goal lead.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS 4
(L 0-3, QPR H)
Having started the season so strongly, and made Molineux something of a fortress last term, few would’ve had Wolves down to lose two straight home ties, shipping five goals. The big test for Mick McCarthy will be picking up his troops so as to prevent this from becoming a false dawn.

LIVERPOOL 4
(L 0-4, Tottenham A)
Could it be that Kenny Dalglish’s conspiracy theorising backfired? Referee Mike Jones certainly didn’t have a problem booking the Scot’s players, who largely appeared to be frustrated.

STOKE CITY 3.5
(L 0-4, Sunderland A)
An uncharacteristically pathetic defensive performance saw the Potters comprehensively beaten on their return to these shores following their midweek jaunt to Ukraine. Their efforts were summed up by Peter Crouch’s botched attempt at goal from six yards in the dying minutes.

ARSENAL 3
(L 3-4, Blackburn A)
In a way, this result will have smarted more than the 8-2 mauling at Old Trafford. The farcical nature of the goals conceded perhaps sums up the Gunners' current malaise, and while Wenger will be pleased Arteta has hit the ground running, the lack of cohesion at the back means the nightmare's not over yet.

WHAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSED: Porous Reds, sliding Blues and Swans' chevron
HEROES AND VILLAINS: Banquets, scalps and coffin nails

Heroes & Villains: Banquets, scalps and coffin nails

2011-09-19T09:12:00Z

Who rocked and who shocked in the Premier League this weekend? Mark Booth hands out the bouquets and brickbats

HEROES

The Premier League
Sometimes, just sometimes, the BestLeagueInTheWorld justifies the hype. This weekend had storylines and sub-plots aplenty with Manchester United's win over Chelsea proving to be the thrilling showpiece dessert to a banquet weekend of Premier League fare featuring controversy, dramatic comebacks and a whopping 38 goals.

Nani
His detractors might need to check their stance. There are those who say he goes missing in big matches, but his sublime goal against Chelsea was impeccably timed as the visitors looked to be getting a foothold in the match. There are those who say he has a lack of final product, but 19 goals and 33 assists in his first 100 Manchester United matches compare favourably to Cristiano Ronaldo's 19 goals and 12 assists.

If Nani can produce this kind of performance on a regular basis, United are going to take some stopping – especially with Ashley Young and Wayne Rooney looking similarly imperious.

Fulham
Showed wonderful spirit to get back into a match that looked finished 11 seconds into the second half. Sergio Aguero's second straight after the break sparked the home side into life which earned its reward when Bobby Zamora and Danny Murphy fired them level. The energy on display was all the more remarkable when you consider the modesty of their squad size and the fact that they were in Europa League action on Thursday night.

Martin Jol's appointment at Craven Cottage was a popular one across the Premier League; although Fulham are yet to record a win, there was enough evidence on Sunday afternoon that it should be a fun season again in West London, both at home and abroad.

The newly promoted sides
It's been a tough introduction to Premier League life for Norwich, QPR and Swansea but all three recorded relatively comfortable wins on Saturday afternoon that allow supporters cause for optimism. Swansea's brand of easy-on-the-eye football was growing increasingly liable to win more praise than points, but a hugely impressive 3-0 win over West Brom proved that the ancient art of keeping the ball on the floor can prosper when the individual sacrifices itself for the collective.

QPR proved at Wolves what they had hinted on Monday night against Newcastle, that their new acquisitions have added real dynamism to a solid if unremarkable squad, while Norwich, widely seen as the weakest of the newly promoted sides, recorded a vital three points at Bolton in what could still prove to be a long season for Paul Lambert's men.

Tottenham Hotspur
Relations between Messrs Levy and Redknapp will have improved no end after thrashing their race-for-fourth-place rivals at White Hart Lane. Although they were helped on their way by Liverpool's lack of discipline, even at 11 versus 11 Spurs were well on top and this result could prove to be a platform for greater things. What was also evident was that an interested Luka Modric is worth his weight in gold if Spurs have aspirations of rubbing shoulders with Europe's elite once more next campaign.

Steve Kean
Whilst one high-profile scalp won't be enough to mute the bloodthirsty thousand who marched on Ewood Park on Saturday afternoon, it will have heartened Steve Kean to see the manner in which his Blackburn Rovers side went about their business. Looking in trouble when Arsene Wenger's side took the lead twice, Blackburn rallied and the sight of Martin Olsson bouncing on the spot, eagerly awaiting his introduction in the second half, preceded his inspired assist for Arsenal's second own goal courtesy of Laurent Koscielny – the definitive fourth nail in Arsenal's coffin.

Sunderland
Granted, they were facing an exhausted Stoke City 'fresh' back from Kyiv and lacking experience in simultaneous fighting on domestic and continental fronts, but you still have to put them away – which Sunderland duly did. A 4-0 scoreline in no way flattered Steve Bruce, who will be delighted to silence his increasingly vocal critics. Breathing space at last for a clinical Sunderland.

VILLAINS

Fernando Torres
It might not be the most fashionable opinion that Fernando Torres has been Chelsea's most effective performer this season so far, and had it not been for one lapse in concentration, he could well be included in the Heroes section for his lively performance at Old Trafford. Unfortunately that momentary loss of muscular co-ordination was one of the most staggering misses in living memory.

A delicious stepover took David De Gea out of the game and for all the world it looked like Torres had the simplest of tasks in rolling the ball into an empty net. Not so, as the Spaniard sliced Chelsea's faint hopes of a point wide of the target.

Liverpool
Ill-discipline and a lack of organisation cost Liverpool dear and there's a vague sentiment emanating from Anfield that King Kenny's honeymoon period might be coming to an end. It's difficult to remember Liverpool being so hopelessly outclassed, though they weren't helped in their cause by Charlie Adam and Martin Skrtel's suicidal second yellows.

Steven Gerrard looks set to return in midweek for the League Cup fixture at Brighton; perhaps it's a game too late for Liverpool, as his leadership would have provided the missing example in a worryingly rudderless showing at White Hart Lane.

Roberto Mancini
More of a reality check than a crisis but after endless eulogies about attacking football from pundits and neutrals, Mancini reverted to type in the 69th minute at Craven Cottage. With Fulham in the ascendency after halving City's advantage, Mancini replaced the team's heartbeat in David Silva with the defensively-minded Pablo Zabaleta – and sacrificed two vital title-race points. City were dropping deeper with each passing minute and with this change the Italian surrendered any attacking intent and invited Fulham on.

This fixture might have been the perfect chance to shuffle his pack and bring in Mario Balotelli and Carlos Tevez rather than leaving them on the bench again; continuity is fine if you're winning matches but City's wasteful first-half performances in their last two games will have drawn raised eyebrows from two of the squad's more disruptive characters.

Arsenal
Their appearance in this villains section is growing dangerously regular. Some of the most naive defending you will see in the Premier League this season saw Arsenal snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at Ewood Park. Most problematic of all, deadline signings Andre Santos and Per Mertesacker seem to have immediately bought into that Arsenal defensive mantra: abandoning all sense of responsibility when put under pressure.

Before watching the second half through their fingers, Gooners would have had cause for encouragement as Mikel Arteta pulled the strings from a quarter-back role; however, without Jack Wilshere Arsenal lack a player to set the emotional tone of the team – and the way they wilted in the second half against a very average Blackburn side will have given Arsene Wenger yet another sleepless night.

Phil Dowd
There was a time a foul in the penalty box equalled a penalty – especially when perpetrated on a home player at Old Trafford. Not on Sunday, when Ashley Cole was lucky to escape with only a yellow for an ugly scything challenge on Javier Hernandez in the penalty area. A spot kick did not follow. Eh?

Weekender: Fouls, feasts, freebies and fire

2011-09-16T13:20:00Z

1) Holt and Davies set for foul-off
Last weekend Kevin Davies became the second player in the history of the Premier League to collect 100 yellow cards, joining fellow foul-finder Lee Bowyer. Davies has topped the foul charts in six of the last seven seasons, but there may be a new bruiser in town – literally, this weekend, when Bolton host Norwich. The Canaries' former tyre-fitter Grant Holt leads this season's sinners' list with 15 fouls, four clear of Davies. Expect some keenly-contested corners and perhaps the odd eye-watering tackle, then.

2) Champions League – goal feast or goal famine?
Big Ears is back and one of its most interesting groups – Real Madrid, Ajax, Lyon and Dinamo Zagreb – started disappointingly cautiously with just one goal in its first two games. The lowest aggregate score in any first-round Champions League group came in 2005/06 when Villarreal, Benfica, Lille and Man United managed just 12 between them in 12 games. However, Fergie's men also took part in the highest-scoring group, three years previously when they scored 16 goals, Maccabi Haifa 12, Olympiacos 11 and Bayer Leverkusen nine to share an astonishing 48 goals – an average of four per game. Beat that, Mou & Co.

3) Paralympians prepare to represent their country
While we wait for the FAs of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland to stop bickering over who (if anyone) represents the host nation at the 2012 Olympics, at least we know there'll be a British Paralympics side. Two, in fact – a five-a-side team of visually impaired athletes and a seven-a-side team of players with cerebral palsy. The action will take place between August 31 and September 9 2012, but tickets are currently only on sale until September 26 2011 – a week on Monday. Act now – for more information, visit tickets.london2012.com.

4) Magic ref makes beautiful assistants disappear
Players and management of Hereford and Gillingham should be mindful of their manners around referee Paul Tierney on Saturday. The Lancashire official took charge of the League Two pair’s previous clash in April, in which he booked eight players and sent both sides’ assistant managers – Dave Kevan and Ian Hendon – to the stands for persistently protesting at the pernickety whistle-blower.

5) Let's go somewhere nice, love. Ooh, there's a game on…
Leaves are falling faster than QPR ticket prices and half the UK is being whipped by hurricanes. Anybody fancy getting away for the weekend? FFT's travel partner Nickes offer bargainous ticket-and-hotel deals to world-renowned destinations which combine football with fun – like Rome, Amsterdam, Madrid and Milan. There's Lazio v Roma on Oct 16, from £259; Ajax v Feyenoord on Oct 23, from £231; Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid on Nov 27, from £261; or AC Milan v Inter on Jan 15, from £251. See FourFourTwo.com's Travel Guide for dozens more, plus exclusive city guides.
TRAVEL Check out FFT's football travel guide

Win tickets to "the" Arsenal
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Bad weekend for the big names. Inter lost 4-3 to Palermo in the first round of the strike-delayed Serie A; Barcelona sit fourth after a draw at Real Sociedad; and Bury lost 4-2 at home to Rochdale in League One's North Manchester Clasico.

Nearby, the two Manchesters swatted aside local pretenders Bolton and Wigan to remain 100%. Below them, Arsenal were gifted slim victory by Swansea's goalkeeper and Liverpool lost despite dominating Stoke. If the champions beat Chelsea this weekend the two MCR clubs could be pulling clear already.

In midweek, a Premier League side lost in a cup competition – but it was Wigan's second string losing at Palace in a riot-rescheduled Carling Cup game, so nobody paid much attention. After all, Fernando Torres was setting up both goals in Chelsea's opening Champions League win while Arsenal were conceding a late Dortmund equaliser.

The following night, the two Manchesters found it less easy to impose their will with 1-1 draws for United at Benfica and City at home to Napoli. In truth, it wasn't a great midweek for the island's continental ambassadors: in the other trophy Celtic and Birmingham lost while Fulham, Stoke and Tottenham U21s were held.

And finally, an award for severalupmanship to Real Madrid's Cristiano Ronaldo, who put an unfriendly welcome in Zagreb down to his being "rich, handsome and a great player". Smooth.

Jon Champion's EPL: Tetchiness, tactics & dry-docked flagships
Read now >>

Italy: Milan act their age while Inter just show theirs
Read now >>

Zonal Marking's analysis: Chelsea's weak spot & United's soft centre
Read now >>

USA: Earthquakes, hurricanes & platelet-rich plasma
Read now >>

Holland: PSV & Ajax prepare to resume battle for supremacy
Read now >>

Spain: Famous club seeks 10th European triumph. Again
Read now >>

More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

How to save the Europa League

It’s safe to say the return of the Europa League was met with little more than a half interested raising of eyebrows. The standing of Europe’s secondary competition is arguably at an all-time low. Put simply, the Europa League needs a kick up the jacksie – and not some hackneyed re-branding and a few added bells and whistles. Here are some suggestions.

Revert to a straight knock-out. You can see why UEFA copied the Champions League cash-cow with a group stage, but the fans aren't buying it – literally, given the low attendances. Eradicate the dead rubbers, making every match a must-see, ending "squad rotation" and hiking prices for broadcasters.

Redistribute money more evenly. Few teams make a profit in the Europa League; many make a loss. The competition winners only get €3m, compared to the €7.2m each doled out to every single Champions League group-stage team. Nobody's asking for parity but UEFA already have the prize money to make it more of a bonus than a booby prize.

Move the matches to a Tuesday. One of the Europa League's big problems is that it feels like an afterthought. More would watch if it were on a Tuesday, with Champions League on a Wednesday and Thursday – forcing fewer teams to switch their weekend kick-offs to Sunday.

– James Maw, FourFourTwo online features editor

For six more ways to save the Europa League, read the full feature here

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"It's like he's got wing mirrors"
Perfect XI, May 2011: Jamie Redknapp

"They really are scum"
More Than A Game, Jun 2004: Millwall v West Ham

"I've been at Napoli when fans were setting fire to seats"
Celebrity Fans, Sep 2011: Massive Attack's 3D

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Tom Burrows, Nick Ford, Ali Maxwell, scohns and sconns

More Than A Game: Millwall v West Ham

2011-09-16T12:00:00Z

"Don’t do it, chums! DON’T throw soil,  cinders, clinkers, stones, bricks, bottles, cups, fireworks or other kinds of explosives, apples, oranges, etc. on the playing pitch during or after the match. DON’T barrack, utter filthy abuse, or molest in any way the players of the visiting team.” Millwall warning notice, 1949-50.

“Oh, Wisey! Woah ah ah oh! He’s only five-foot-four! He’ll break your fackin’ jaw!”

Flooding out of the New Den into the glorious afternoon sunshine, you’ve never seen quite so many cheerful, rosy-cheeked and twinkly-eyed South-East Londoners. Millwall have just beaten West Ham and dozens of delirious denizens are on their mobile dogs, imparting this information to a woman called Anne.

“Four-one! AN' it could have been seven! AN' we missed two penalties! AN' their keeper got fackin’ sent off!”

I’m trying to fit in. By not looking like a soft,  middle-class, Northern homosexual who likes opera, real ale and kittens. I’ve done me homework. I’ve got a copy of the Millwall fanzine The Lion Roars in me sky rocket. Inside is a savage attack on an Evening Standard article entitled 50 Things Every Londoner Should Do This Year. Number 17 is: “Go for pie and mash.” To which a disgusted TLR replies: “Do not do this as a novelty, do this as part of everyday life.”

So there I am. Trying to look like the sort of tasty geezer who has pie and mash on a routine basis. And who hates West Ham, not because they’re Cockneys but – get this – because they’re not Cockney enough. Which they achieve by, er, being too Cockney.

Of course, nobody in football needs a reason to hate the scum from up the road. But Millwall make a decent fist of it. The fanzine hates West Ham “because they won the World Cup and are the ‘Academy of Football’ and are loveable, cheeky barrow boys and that lovely Alf Garnett, wasn’t he funny? Grrrrr!”

From the Millwall perspective, says Garry Robson, author of No One Likes Us We Don’t Care – The Myth And Reality Of Millwall Fandom, the rivalry with West Ham “is played out entirely in terms of toughness, virility and cultural authenticity within Londonness”.

John, a Millwall fan quoted by Robson, states this in plainer language: “They’re all fakers – the ‘East End’, all that ‘loveable Cockney’ b*ll*cks. And this thing with the Krays, and it’s gone on and on and on. They all love the Queen Mum and it was bombed  during the war. With us it’s, like, ‘They’re all thieves and gangsters over there’, but with them it’s, ‘Oh they might be thieves, but they’ve all got hearts of gold and they have nice street parties and they’re not really bad lads.’ Like they keep saying about the Krays – you could always leave your door open. It’s all b*ll*cks.”

West Ham, on the other hand, would “rarver fack a bucket / Wiv a big hole innit / Than be a Millwall fan / For just one minute”. And they tend to look down on “Scumwall” as “pikeys”.

“They really are scum,” explains Hammers fan Pete. “I mean, I was on the train once and there was this Millwall fan. He was asleep, he was about 60, really revolting-looking. And he had ‘I Love Sex’ tattooed on his hand. That says it all, really.”

So you get the picture. This is Ronnie Kray vs Charlie Richardson. Dirty Den vs Del Boy. Jim Davidson vs Hale & Pace. It’s an argument with no real rhyme, reason or rationale. Two predominantly white tribes – both increasingly drawn from far-flung suburbs in Essex or Kent – at loggerheads over which best represents an ever-more multicultural East London. Total b*ll*cks, really. When you think about it. So it’s a good job nobody really does.

“Where were you at Upton Park?” sing the 2,000-odd visiting West Ham fans, all apparently pointing at me. I blush. Because this is actually my second attempt to see a game between these two sides this season. A furious West Ham press officer refused me access to the first.

“Why do you want to see the game?”

I’m doing an article on the rivalry…

“There is no rivalry! There is NO rivalry between West Ham and Millwall! It’s just a game! OK!? It’s JUST a game!”

Yes, but…

“IT’S JUST A GAME!” (End of conversation.)

OK, OK – it’s just a game. So why am I feeling just a little bit nervous? Well I’ve done me research, see. And most fans, academics and media pundits agree – visiting Millwall is like walking naked into a pit full of grizzly bears. With a sign saying ‘Grizzly bears are puffs’ around your neck. Arsenal’s Gooner fanzine  babbles about the “Dickensian surroundings with water dripping from the dank viaduct”, and claims that leaving the ground is “like being on manoeuvres in some enemy-infested outpost in Vietnam”.

John King, in his seminal hoolie novel The Football Factory, gibbers that Millwall has a history of  “a hundred years of kicking the f*ck out of anybody who strays too far down the Old Kent Road”.

A hundred years? Try 400. In the 17th century,  panicking Puritans condemned this area as a bolthole for every species of “dissolute, loose and insolent”  ruffian, “evill dispozed person” and “sturdy beggar” on the planet. South London, wrote bible-basher Donald Lupton in 1632, is “better termed a foul den then a faire garden” (the name kind of stuck). In 1837, Charles Dickens set Fagin’s den on Jacob’s Island in Bermondsey: “The very repulsive lineament of  poverty, every loathsome indication of filth, rot and garbage.” And in 1996 the US State Department  ‘red-flagged’ the area as a no-go zone for tourists, claiming it was as dangerous as Guatemala (which, at the time, was overrun by right-wing death squads).

This, as former Millwall player Eamon Dunphy so eloquently put it, is quite simply “the wrong part of London”. And – if the press are to be believed – Millwall FC are the living embodiment of sporting evil. “The New Den, like the old Den, remains  unparalleled, a uniquely poisonous, malevolent, ugly, depressing venue,” frothed Keith Pike of The Times. “To watch Millwall is to journey into a valley of hatred,” blathered Ken Gorman of the Daily Star as he stared fearfully at “a sea of scowling vengeful faces bounded by beer-fuelled loathing for any outsider”.

“To talk of hatred,” ranted Ken, his nostrils dilated in animal terror, “is not to exaggerate the most evil stench of wretchedness I have ever encountered.”

So that’s why I’m doing my breathing exercises and trying really hard not to s*it myself as I walk from the tube station, past the yuppie-flat building sites, down by the railway lines and under the dank, graffiti-covered Victorian brick arches. Past evil-looking crows that go “Caw!” And the gluehead-wobbly scrawled sign that reads “west ham will not make the den!”

You want menace? I’ll give you f***ing menace. This morning, before setting off, I tuned into Talk Sport Radio. Tony Cascarino and Andy Townsend were discussing the derby and engaging in a strange hyperbolic willy-waggling that made the game sound like a showdown between Freddy Kruger and the KKK. “I wouldn’t take my daughter to it!” said Cascarino. “Ooh no! I wouldn’t take my wife to it!” one-upped Townsend. And the two of them then segued seamlessly into a discussion about Republic of Ireland games in Belfast during the height of the Troubles – and al-Qaeda, armoured cars and guards with guns. And I’m stood there, electric toothbrush in my gob, absolutely terrified. Thanks, lads.

The press build-up to this game has bordered on the hysterical. The Observer refer to Millwall as “the Mike Tyson of football”. Writing in The Guardian, Zoe Williams reveals she is told not to go by her  brother because “the one thing they hate more than each other are journalists”. A gentleman called Forest Gate Phil happily tells a lads’ mag “I fully expect there to be murder”. And former West Ham hooligan Cass Pennant is quoted as saying that “the atmosphere of hatred is unreal”.

Pennant is the author of the definitive history of West Ham hooliganism, Congratulations – You Have Just Met The ICF. The chapter on these derbies does not make for pleasant reading. It involves boots, fists, knives, machetes and – in one horrible instance – giant British Rail track-spanners. This history is well known by the Burberry-capped adolescent t***-psychopaths who keep the flame of hooliganism alive on the  internet. And some of them are positively drooling over West Ham’s visit to the New Den.

So it’s no wonder that, according to the tabloids, this game is going to be like the opening scenes of Dawn Of The Dead, with grown men tearing each other apart with their bare teeth. They should make a film about it. In fact they are doing. It’s called Hooligan [ed: it ended up being called Green Street]. With Elijah Woods as an American student who is “seduced by the world of football hooliganism” at a Millwall/West Ham derby. Seriously. It’s going to make The Texas Chain Saw Massacre look like Finding Nemo. What am I doing here?

But the sun is shining on the railway sidings and the spring flowers are poking their dainty heads through the cracks in the quaint Victorian arches. And if this bit of London is Dickensian then it’s most definitely the Consider Yourself One Of Us scene out of Oliver! (rather than that bit where Bill Sikes smashes Nancy’s skull in with his stick).
Twenty minutes before kick-off and the West Ham fans start singing Bubbles. And the Millwall fans respond with their trademark howl. But it’s all a bit intimidation-by-numbers. (He said, smugly, knowing there are over 1,000 police at this game.)

Meanwhile, the stands nearest the visiting fans are full of mime artists. One combs a huge imaginary quiff, pretends to be a tea-pot and then uses his arms to suggest West Ham are “all mairf” (by imitating the jaw movements of a large fish).

The game itself is farcical. Millwall miss a penalty. West Ham score an own goal. With an hour gone the score is 3-1. West Ham’s keeper is sent off. Millwall are awarded another penalty (which they also miss). And that’s when some of the West Ham fans decide to ‘attack’ the Millwall fans. Sort of.

What happens is that a couple of hundred away fans are, er, ‘held back’ by a very, very thin blue line. Consisting of five coppers. ‘Enraged’ and ‘frustrated’, the West Ham fans jump up and down for a bit and demolish a Kick Racism Out Of Football banner. More coppers turn up. And about 10 minutes later some policemen in riot gear amble over. It’s all utterly ritualistic and without any real menace, but it’ll allow a few a***holes some bragging rights on the hoolie websites tomorrow. “We’d’ve took Millwall if it hadn’t been for those five coppers asking us politely to sit back down,” etc. And that’s the main thing.

So where did it all start, this jellied-eel-fuelled blood feud? This interminable geezer vs geezer  bitterness? West Ham Pete thinks he knows.

“There was a big strike at the ironworks about 1912 and the Millwall lot were the ones who crossed the picket line. So basically they’re the scab team.”

But this, alas, turns out to be an urban legend – at best total b*ll*cks, at worst a garbled re-telling of the Portsmouth/Southampton story.

“Look, if this rivalry went that far back,” says Phil, a West Ham fan, “then, when the Den was bombed during the Second World War, why did West Ham offer to ground-share? There’s always rivalry between South-East London and the East End, yeah? That’s obvious – ’cos we never had rats in the East End until they built the Rotherhithe Tunnel.”

We’re in a pub in London’s neutral West End. West Ham fans Ian, Phil and Pete are trying to shout down Millwall fans LSD and Jane. Some of the fans present might be described as former hooligans. Nobody is using his or her real name.

An outsider witnessing this maelstrom of shouting, swearing and table-banging would probably find it hard to believe that all the people here are friends. And that (Millwall) Jane and (West Ham) Pete are girlfriend and boyfriend. The Dickensian ambience is heightened still further by the fact that a certain extremely drunk 1970s punk rock star is also at the table. He will take no part in the conversation,  however, as he is far too busy engaging in the latter stages of foreplay with an extremely drunk young lady.

Is it not true that this rivalry is really overblown and a lot of Millwall fans and West Ham fans are actually friends?
Ian No!
LSD No!
Pete Oh come on! You know it’s f*cking true!
Ian Thing is, West Ham don’t consider Millwall to be any sort of challenge. Tottenham are our main rivals.
LSD Yeah, right. And then Arsenal and Real Madrid. But not necessarily in that order.
Ian Ha ha ha! Thing is, South London are obsessed with East London. ’Cos they’re rubbish!
Phil It’s because no one sells pegs round our way and they see us as a potential market.

Do Millwall have a problem with the way West Ham bang on about how they won the World Cup in 1966?
Ian No, it’s just the fact we wear shoes!
LSD Yeah, normally white ones to match your socks.
Ian Oh hark at Captain Reebok! It’s all down to the Jubilee Line extension. South London’s always been gutted because they can’t get anywhere and now they’re getting ideas. Oh, which way to the Bernabeu?
Phil It used to be that people would go to West Ham one Saturday and go to Millwall the next.
LSD That’s quite true. In the ’40s and ’50s. The antagonism started in ’73 when a fan went under a train at New Cross.

But which is the real London? The East End or  South-East London?
LSD They both are. Yes, definitely. Without a doubt.
Ian But you lot ain’t Cockneys.
Phil Well, neither are you!
Ian And neither are you, you Barking c***!
Pete Ian! Steady!
Ian Whatever happens, we’ll bash the journalist c***.

Is it not true that both teams increasingly draw the bulk of their support from the suburbs, which makes all the argy-bargy about “Londonness” somewhat redundant?
LSD No!
Ian No!
Pete Whoa, hang on!
Phil East London’s changing all the time. The area around Upton Park is far more Asian and a lot of the West Ham support have moved out to Essex.
LSD Look, the two areas of London with strongest identity are East and South London, yeah? Which basically came from the Romans up to the modern day.
Phil What the f*ck are you talking about?

If you walked into a pub full of East London football fans, is there any way you’d be able to tell them apart?
Phil If they was trying to sell you heather and pegs…
LSD There is a way – you won’t like it. Black geezers.
Phil You see, you got no style, you got no soul…
LSD Millwall supporters see it as a bit like the attitude there used to be in the East End. It’s still very strong in Bermondsey. They see it – wrongly or rightly – as the last white, working-class bastion of inner London.
Ian It’s a fackin’ island!
LSD I’m not saying it’s right; I’m just saying that’s the way it is. South Bermondsey, round where the football ground is, it’s not a good place to walk around if you’re black. There are black supporters of Millwall, but they’re very few. The black community don’t want to associate themselves with Millwall and the white community who go to Millwall don’t want to associate themselves with black people.
Ian Can’t we just all get together and kick the f*ck out of the journalist?
Jane With Millwall it’s passed on. If your dad supported them, you do. It is quite exclusive – it’s kept in the family almost. West Ham is anyone – it’s like Man United.

Jane, does your dad know you’re seeing a West Ham fan?
Jane It’s not going down well, let’s put it that way. But what you say about a lot of our supporters being in Kent, that  is true. I mean, all the kids in Bromley support Millwall because of the ‘bad boy’ reputation.
LSD You can’t blame them. You can’t hold your head up high and say you support Palace or Charlton, can ya?

What happens if Millwall go up and West Ham don’t? How will you deal with losing that chip on your shoulder?
LSD I ain’t got a chip on me shoulder!
Jane It’s pride.
LSD I’m proud of supporting a little club in South-East London that’s got no money. Whose back’s against the wall – and the rest of the football league hates you! We sing about it every week! We’re proud of it!
Phil Yeah, but without being too damning, what’s your average gate this season? Ten thousand?
Jane That doesn’t come into it.
Phil But it does. West Ham have been relegated and they get 32,000. I mean, come on!
Jane That’s not what it’s about.
LSD Millwall are the only club in the world where the fans are more famous than the club. The celebrities are in the stand, not on the pitch.
Phil Millwall have always had something against us.
Ian They’ve always hated us more than we’ve hated them.

Is that true?
LSD No.
Ian Fack off! We don’t give a fack about you!
LSD I hate Charlton more than I hate West Ham.
Phil Look, people support teams for all sorts of reasons, but Millwall fans are just born there – bang – and that’s it. And the Millwall people I know, they’re as genuine as I am. So let them enjoy their day. They had us over. You’ve just got to say well done and good luck to them.

And all is peace and harmony. But just then the 1970s punk rocker notices that someone has nicked his pint. A right old hoo-hah ensues. The punk is screaming in rage and fury. A fight almost starts.

And the West Ham and Millwall fans smile at one another and shake their heads. Some things just aren’t worth fighting about...

Words: Steven Wells. From the June 2004 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

Nine ways to save the Europa League

2011-09-15T15:18:00Z

It’s safe to say the return of the Europa League this week is generally likely to have been met with little more than a half interested raising of eyebrows.

The standing of Europe’s secondary competition is arguably at an all-time low. Several strong sides, including Sevilla and AS Roma, have already made a half-hearted departure from the competition, while many of those who remain, including Harry Redknapp’s Tottenham, are unlikely to view it as anything but a colossal inconvenience until Easter at the earliest, should they manage to crawl through the group stage.

Put simply, the Europa League needs a kick up the jacksie – and we mean with real, sensible action, rather than some hackneyed re-branding and a few added bells and whistles to temporarily appease the gawping masses.

Here are a few suggestions…

Revert to a straight knock-out
Perhaps the biggest complaint of the Europa League is the number of matches the winning club must play – 17 if they enter at the play-off round, where the highest-ranked entrants start their odyssey. For comparison, the top-ranked Champions League competitors only have to play 13 games.

You can see why UEFA introduced the mini-league to the secondary competition – in an attempt to copy that Champions League cash cow which guarantees each group competitor at least three home games. Trouble is, the fans aren't buying it – literally. Last season Juventus's three home group games were watched by 10,837, 12,162 and 6,992.

And it's not just those deadest of rubbers at the end of the group stage. Even for their first home group game, big teams struggled to get half the fans they would for a league game. Stuttgart (league average attendance 39,012) started with a pitiful 13,800; PSV Eindhoven (33,494) got 17,500; Sampdoria (23,330) got 12,159.

The group games just aren't attractive. A straight knock-out competition would eradicate uncompetitive dead-rubbers and make every match a must-see (causing much more competition among broadcasters), while also streamlining the whole competition – much to the delight of managers who wouldn't have to play their second strings in order to concentrate on finishing higher up the domestic league. Speaking of which…

Redistribute money more evenly
When Celtic waltzed to the UEFA Cup final in 2003, it was said they didn’t actually make any money until the final itself. Similarly, speaking in 2001, then-Ipswich boss George Burley expressed concerns that his side would actually lose money by taking part in the competition, rather than turn a profit.

Nobody's saying Europa League contestants should get as much as Champions League participants but currently the divide is frankly startling. This year’s winners will be rewarded with €3 million, less than half the €7.2 million doled out each of to the 32 Champions League group-stage teams and way, way short of the €50+ million pocketed by last year’s Big Cup finalists Manchester United and Barcelona.

Splitting the money more evenly would not only add as a greater incentive to teams competing in the Europa League, but would also help ramp up competition on the domestic front: qualifying for the secondary competition would revert to being a bonus instead of a booby prize.

Move the matches to Tuesday
One of the Europa League’s biggest problems is that it is seen as an afterthought to the week’s Champions League action. After two nights watching the likes of Barcelona, Manchester United, Real Madrid and Otelul Galati, there's substantially less appetite for a third night featuring the continental competitions' ugly sisters in their tatty ball-gowns.

The solution is simple – switch the Europa League games to Tuesday evening and have the Champions League spread over Wednesday and Thursday. This will allow Joe Public to whet his footballing appetite by watching up-and-coming players at teams on the rise, before tucking into the main course.

Due to the way the Champions League "matchdays" are divided up (with protagonists currently switching between Tuesday and Wednesday), it would also mean fewer domestic matches would need to be switched to Sunday the following weekend, because nobody likes a weird kick-off time. Which brings us to...

Scrap 6pm kick-offs
Since last season, UEFA has staggered Europa League kick-off times in order to allow broadcasters to show back-to-back matches. That’s sort of understandable (although they don't do it for Champions League games), and clearly the broadcast revenue is important to the participating clubs, but it’s a bit of a ball-ache for the fans, some of whom, we’re told, have jobs and stuff...

Don’t parachute in the Champions League failures…
There can be few more disheartening sights for a club who have battled their way through the Europa League group stages than seeing their path blocked by eight sides who have failed in another competition. It seems preposterous that a team who crash out of one knock-out competition can crash-land in another. The "relegation compensation" does little to dampen the notion that the Europa is anything more than a poor relation.

…but give a Champions League spot to the winners
Rewarding those who succeed is quite different from compensating those who fail – especially in a separate season. Reversing the flow between the two competitions makes perfect sense; much like awarding a Europa League place to domestic cup winners can revitalise those competitions, it add motivation for those in the competition and would certainly dissuade any team considering treating it with disdain.

Keep thinking outside the box for final venues
While we all enjoyed last year’s Champions League final at Wembley, the novelty is likely to have worn off by the time ‘the home of football’ hosts it again in 2013.

That’s exactly why taking last year’s Europa final to Dublin was a masterstroke. It was the first time Ireland had hosted a major European final, while the same came be said of Romania for this season’s final in Bucharest. This provides an increased sense of occasion, while also spreading the wealth, and indeed love, across the ‘UEFA Family’.

Ditch the ‘anthem’
There are many Champions League trademarks the Europa League would do well to imitate, but the over-dramatic pre-match ditty is not one of them.

While the Champions League theme sets pulses racing and causes the hair on the back of the neck to stand up, its Europa League equivalent only conjures images of Colin Murray mumbling incoherently on Channel Five. After all, the climactic Champions League anthem lyrics are "Die Besten, les grandes équipes, the champions"; what's French for "cup-winners" and German for "also-rans"?

Lose the stupid name
“Consignia? Scope? It’s the Post Office and the Spastics Society!” Had Alan Partridge’s rant against renaming taken place a few years later (and if he had given half a hoot about football) he may well have included the Europa League.

Of course, if we’re losing the ‘league’ element of the competition, it makes perfect sense to revert back to a cup-based moniker. How about – oh, we don’t know – the UEFA Cup?

Van Nistelrooy, Vieira and a gladiatorial battle for footballing supremacy

2011-09-13T10:22:00Z

A bevy of busty maidens are sitting around a lunch table, gossiping like a brood of clucking hens.

Oblivious to the flesh on show, a battalion of Roman centurions – one of whom is chatting away in his gladiatorial war mask – are gathered on another table chewing the fat.

As I stroll across a red carpet, into a huge, lavishly decorated ancient building, another centurion, with arms more akin to a disproportionately-sized action figure, saunters past me as he speaks in German to the person on the other end of his phone.

He is quickly followed by a flat-cap wearing Andy Ansah (co-host of Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker), who is predictably gushing about the “unbelievable tekkers” of Patrick Vieira and Ruud van Nistelrooy.

A spaghetti junction of wires, lights and cameras, are being hauled from A to B.

To understand how I find myself in this surreal situation, we need to rewind the action.

Heineken, sponsors of this year’s Champions League, have invited me to the shoot of their new advert at a studio in Prague, starring Vieira, Van Nistelrooy and Bayer Leverkusen goalkeeper Rene Adler.

In the commercial, former foes Vieira and Van Nistelrooy will clash for a ball dropping from the heavens into the Pantheon of Rome (a temple to all the gods of Ancient Rome). The winner of the aerial battle will send a header flying towards Adler’s goal – a box in an opera house.

Before the guys start shooting the ad, I get a chance to grab a chat with them.

Adler is up first and he isn’t happy about having to concede a goal.

“It’s a great honour to be here with great players like Patrick Vieira and Ruud van Nistelrooy, but it’s going to be difficult to let the ball in. My heart will break,” says the German, who reveals a plan to broker a deal with the Dutch striker.

“I’ll agree to let Van Nistelrooy score as long as he doesn’t do it in the Bundesliga.” (The evil laugh of Van Nistelrooy could be heard on the Costa del Sol as he signed for Malaga in June).

As Adler shuffles off, Champions League veteran and former Premier League and Serie A enforcer, Vieira takes his place.

The towering Frenchman starts to speak about the difficulty of returning to Highbury in a Juventus shirt – probably because his former young apprentice Cesc Fabregas absolutely schooled him (FFT put this in much more diplomatic terms).  

“It’s difficult trying to control yourself (when you play against a former team) because you spent so much time at your old football club and you know everybody there. It adds pressure,” admits Manchester City’s Football Development Executive.

“I had this feeling when I left Arsenal and went to Juventus and we played them in the Champions League. I saw all my old friends – it was difficult.”

After reliving the nightmare, Vieira slips off to nurse reopened wounds with some cake.

As he departs I see the forehead of Van Nistelrooy zig-zagging through a maze of folding screens, like a shark fin cutting through calm waters.

The penalty box predator and scorer of 56 Champions League goals in 81 games – bettered only by Raul (71 in 144) – is here to talk about the games that changed his life.

He recalls his first outing in Europe’s elite competition: “I scored a hat-trick for PSV in my first Champions League game (v HJK Helsinki, November 25, 1998) and I thought, ‘This is a big moment’,” says the Malaga hitman.

“It was a moment to breathe and look back at what I’d been through since that youth game - climbing up through the Dutch leagues with Den Bosch, Heerenveen and PSV. It was a crazy moment.

“Scoring this hat-trick gave me a lot of hope and belief towards achieving my dream - to be successful on the highest stage. I really enjoyed this moment.”

As the interview ends, van Nistelrooy gets called on to set – it was time to get the cameras rolling.

Watching from a balcony, I watch the former Premier League titans line up alongside one another, waiting for the ball to drop from the skies.

I can see them in their Arsenal and Manchester United colours, the legs have aged, the occasion is different, but the intense competitiveness is there.

“Action!” A ball drops towards the jostling pair. Under the instruction of the director, Van Nistelrooy comes out on top. The duo share an awkward laugh after the first take. But with take after the take, the heat of battle turns up a notch.

Sweat drips down their foreheads, their elbows sharpen and the veins in their necks bulge.

The PR knew it was time to leave. This shoot was about to turn into a bloodbath. As we stride off set the Arsenal fan in me took over, like the Incredible Hulk’s rage.

Looking at the smug Van Nistelrooy basking in his staged glory, I lost control.

Breaking free of the PR’s safety net I gallop towards the former Real Madrid assassin and leap into the air, arms aloft, a la Martin Keown at Old Trafford 2002, roaring, “Yyyyooouuurrrr ssshhhh****tttt aaahhhhh” as I clatter his head.

The 6ft 2in Dutchman falls to the floor holding his face, crying like a baby. Vieira holds me aloft on his shoulders as we chant, “Good to, good to be, good to be a Gooner!"

OK, the last three paragraphs are nothing more than a figment of my imagination. In reality I left the studio, profusely thanking the players for their time and wishing I had teamed up with Arsenal’s greatest No.4 (sorry, Cesc).

When the 2011/12 Champions League campaign kicks off tonight, I’ll be looking out for the advert, hoping to see Vieira catch Van Nistelrooy with a sneaky elbow to the ribs.

Clarence Seedorf, Gianluigi Buffon, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Patrick Vieira and Rene Adler star in the new films from Heineken to promote their new UEFA Champions League ‘Legendary Football’ campaign. To find out more visit facebook.com/heineken

Premier Ratings: United & City march on as Bolton's chocolate defence melts

2011-09-12T21:00:00Z

FourFourTwo's Huw Davies allocates the averages for this weekend's Premier League performances...

MANCHESTER UNITED 9
(W 5-0, Bolton A)
A generous scoreline, yes, but United are already looking so close to the finished article they seem to be terrifying opposition sides into making mistakes. Phil Jones made a case for himself at right-back, while Hernandez proved he is arguably Rooney’s more natural striking partner.

MANCHESTER CITY 9
(W 3-0, Wigan H)
While their cross-city rivals were flattered by their scoreline, Mancini’s men could've had a hatful rather than a palmful. And for all of the brilliance shown by Silva, Aguero, Tevez and Nasri – with four-star Dzeko on the bench – City’s back line shared seven shots between them.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 7.5
(W 2-0, Wolves A)
There’s nothing like a win to banish wantaway blues: Niko Kranjcar, parked by the exit for over 12 months, created chance after chance. And with some of the flotsam and jetsam washed away, Spurs are beginning to look like a team again – especially with Parker and Adebayor starting well.

STOKE CITY 7
(W 1-0, Liverpool H)
If their big-money summer signings suggested ambition, this result certified it. A massive win over a confident Liverpool side sent the men from the Potteries into the top four. Who needs possession and more than three shots when you have Jamie Carragher to gift you a penalty?

CHELSEA 7
(W 2-1, Sunderland A)
Meireles was a massive influence in the middle of the park as Andre Villas-Boas’ Blues took advantage of a Sunderland defence having a shocking day at the office. The new manager’s first big test comes this weekend, though, away at Old Trafford.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION 6.5
(W 1-0, Norwich A)
The Roy renaissance continues: after frustrating defeats despite solid performances, a good away win gives the Baggies some elbow room at the bottom. They must learn to wrap up a win though: a missed penalty meant for some nervous tension in the closing stages.

ARSENAL 6
(W 1-0, Swansea H)
Hardly a comfortable win at home to a team yet to score this season, but exactly the kind of gritty victory Arsenal needed to jumpstart their campaign. Of the three debutants, Mikel Arteta appeared to settle the quickest.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS 6
(D 0-0, Newcastle H)
Given the Hoops had five debutants in their side, they did well to click so quickly into gear, although they will be disappointed to have ultimately drawn a match they had largely dominated. Neil Warnock will have been delighted with the way his side played, if not their profligacy in front of goal. Find that cutting edge and they look like being more than comfortable.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 5.5
(D 0-0, QPR A)
Alan Pardew’s side certainly rode their luck in drawing 0-0 at Loftus Road, and the Magpies manager will likely be concerned by the ease with which the hosts created chance after chance. Nonetheless, they’ll be happy with a point, particularly given it takes them into the top four at this admittedly early stage of the season.

EVERTON 5.5
(D 2-2, Aston Villa H)
A functional result on the surface, but David Moyes will be frustrated his team twice failed to hold onto a lead. That nearly half of their shots came from outside the box suggests goals may not continue to come easily while Tim Cahill is forced into a lone striker role.

ASTON VILLA 5.5
(D 2-2, Everton A)
Fabian Delph might do well not to show his face in the dressing room for a bit, having conceded an idiotic penalty; nevertheless, Villa grabbed an important point. They may not have deserved it, creating few chances and completing just half of their forward passes, but McLeish won’t care.

BLACKBURN ROVERS 5.5
(D 1-1, Fulham A)
Off the mark, though one point could have been three had Ruben Rochina passed to a wide-open Goodwillie early on. A sublime strike absolved him, but Steve Kean knows Rovers can’t rely on 20-yard howitzers for a result every week. Also lucky to survive a good penalty shout.

FULHAM 5
(D 1-1, Blackburn H)
If you’re away day draw specialists, you have to win your home games, particularly against struggling opposition. Riise Senior worked the left flank well, but Duff’s inability to cross right-footed – and unusual refusal to cut inside – let the (right) side down. Martin Jol may be starting to worry with his side still winless.

WIGAN ATHLETIC 4.5
(L 0-3, Man City A)
The Latics somehow fired in 11 shots without ever really looking in the game. Fortunately, the imminent return of James McCarthy, restricted to substitute duties by a knee injury, should help them to gain greater control of the midfield.

WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS 4.5
(L 0-2, Tottenham H)
A hugely disappointing result given they had made such a positive start this season. Only Jamie O’Hara, against his former club, kept up the impetus from a decent first-half showing, but many of his teammates appeared to shirk the challenge as the game slipped away.

BOLTON WANDERERS 4
(L 0-5, Man United H)
A score of 5 when they conceded as many goals might seem absurdly charitable, but Bolton had their chances; in fact, they had 22, eight shots more than their conquerors. They were, however, architects of their demise for some chocolate defending (i.e. melting under the spotlight rather than particularly tasty).

SWANSEA 4.5
(L 0-1, Arsenal A)
One mindless c**k-up from Michel Vorm, so solid until now, was enough to deny Swansea a first point on the road. You don’t win games without scoring goals, though, and record signing Danny Graham is in urgent need of a confidence-boosting account opener – as are his team.

LIVERPOOL 4.5
(L 0-1, Stoke A)
It’s never an easy game at the Britannia, but having utterly dominated from start to finish, this defeat would have hurt. Liverpool’s impotency was best summarised not by Suarez’s late miss, but Henderson’s inability to lift the ball over Begovic no fewer than three times in one attack.

SUNDERLAND 4
(L 1-2, Chelsea H)
Gyan suddenly sloping off under seemingly cynical circumstances did nothing to help pre-match preparation, so it’s hard to be too critical. However, Steve Bruce’s side looked utterly devoid of interest and incisiveness. A debut goal for Ji Dong-Won does at least point to the future.

NORWICH CITY 3
(L 0-1, West Brom H)
Opportunity lost. Norwich remain winless, thanks mainly to a lingering lack of lethal finishers: the Canaries had 18 shots but rarely troubled Ben Foster. And if it hadn’t been for the post and a penalty save, West Brom’s winning margin could have been greater.

Heroes & Villains: Featuring, for some reason, Abel Xavier

2011-09-12T15:07:00Z

Rounding up the weekend's Premier League victors and varmints...

HEROES

Sergio Aguero
While the Argentina forward’s speedy assimilation into Premier League life surprised few pundits outside Isleworth, this shouldn’t stop us revelling in what has been one of the most eye-catching arrivals in English football since Abel Xavier’s hair/beard combo.

Six goals and one assist in four matches that have seen his new team net 15 times represents as good a start as any made by a Premier League ‘noob’ in recent times, and the 23-year-old’s hat-trick against Wigan demonstrated the quick feet and quicker mind that have see him so instantly click with his new teammates.

Wayne Rooney
In continuation of the theme of this fledgling Premier League season, the Mancunians playing second more than matched their rivals’ earlier efforts. At Bolton, a second successive league hat-trick took Wayne Rooney to eight goals already as United waltzed with growlingly familiar ease to a rampant win.

It’s curious to think that at the turn of the year, United were struggling for points away from home and Wayne Rooney was looking a shadow of his former self. United’s second league victory away from home last term came on New Year's Day, while Rooney didn’t hit the eight-goal mark in the league until the day after April Fool's Day.

Emmanuel Adebayor
Spurs are likely to be heavily dependent on Adebayor over the course of the season, and Harry Redknapp will no doubt take great encouragement from a debut performance that saw Spurs move off the bottom of the Premier League after successive shoeings from the Manchesters.

The Togo striker didn’t hang about in making an impact for his new club Tottenham, leading the line in a way Peter Crouch could only dream of and scoring a calmly-taken goal that sees him move within three of the Stokeward-bound forward’s league tally of last term.

Rubén Rochina
More than seven months after moving to Ewood Park, and two days after Jon Champion told FFT that the Spaniard needed to "come through and show what [he's] made of", the former Barcelona B-teamer finally got his Blackburn career up and running with an impressive performance with helped Rovers to their first point of the campaign with a 1-1 draw at Fulham.

Although some of his longer-range passing was a bit wide of the mark, Rochina was more than willing to get his hands dirty, making seven successful tackles and two defensive clearances. But his most notable contribution, of course, was the spectacular 32nd-minute drive from the edge of the Fulham box that left Mark Schwarzer helpless and gave Steve Kean’s side the lead.

Daniel Sturridge 
The Chelsea starlet could quite easily have upped sticks for any one of the host of clubs interested in his services this summer, having proven himself a Premier League quality striker during his six-month loan spell at Bolton. But instead he knuckled down, impressed the Blues' new manager Andre Villas-Boas and is now keeping ‘Fifty Million Pound Misfit’ Fernando Torres kicking his expensive heels on the sideline.

Meanwhile Sturridge used his own heels to devastating effect, deftly flicking past a bamboozled Simon Mignolet to seal three points for the West Londoners at the Stadium of Light. Cue England speculation, what with Mr Capello apparently now very much down with the kidz.

  VILLAINS

Kevin Davies
It’s not too hard to imagine Davies as a ranch worker during the American Depression, unaware of his own strength and accidentally crushing a mouse. Not if you’re familiar with the work of John Steinbeck, anyway. As has been noted, the Bolton battering-ram is one of the Premier League’s most fouled players as well as one of its most persistent foulers, but he was definitely the sinner on Saturday evening – clattering Tom Cleverley in the third minute, then clobbering Patrice Evra in the 12th. While the French full-back was fortunate enough to avoid injury, the young midfielder was left with ligament damage and four weeks out of action. We’re sure the big lummox didn’t mean any harm…

Gabriel Tamas
The West Brom defender caught Norwich’s James Vaughan with an injury-time elbow which was at best clumsy and at worst massively thuggish. The Romanian appeared to have a quick glance over his shoulder before swinging an arm in the direction of the former Everton striker, who was left both furious and in need of surgery. "James has gone to see the plastic surgeon, and it's a bad one," said Canaries boss Paul Lambert. "It has gone straight through the lip and they can't just stitch it up, the specialist has got to look at it.”

Michel Vorm 
Football is a fickle game. Last month’s be-gloved superhero can be this month’s bumbling clown – just ask Heurelho Gomes. Swansea’s Dutch keeper became an instant hit after an impressive debut performance against Manchester City and back-to-back clean sheets against Wigan and Sunderland, but the blame for Saturday’s narrow defeat at the Emirates will lay solely at his door.

His overly ambitious quick throw toward a congested area of the pitch saw the ball rebound off his own player and fall kindly for Andrei Arshavin, who was left with an opportunity even he couldn’t botch.

Sunderland’s defence
Imagine for a moment you are a Premier League defender, and your club has sold its two star strikers over the previous two transfer windows. You can't help that, but you know it’s time to step up to the plate and show a desire to dig deep, battle and throw your body on the line (in the most literal sense) for the cause.

Sadly for Sunderland, their back four adopted a rather more lackadaisical approach to keeping Chelsea at bay during the first half of their meeting with the Londoners on Saturday, instead opting to let John Terry and co do pretty much as they pleased in the penalty area. Between them they spurned three chances to properly clear the ball after Juan Mata’s freekick had come back off the post, with John Terry – criminally unmarked at the far post – able to slot home from a tight angle at the second time of asking.

Jamie Carragher
You can always count on ‘Carra’ for an honest assessment of a controversial incident, but his frankness when asked about the penalty he conceded at Stoke was perhaps telling. The Liverpool defender said that he didn’t get a clear view of a coming-together that saw Mark Clattenburg award a penalty for a foul on Jonathan Walters as he was “too close to see." Perhaps, Jamie, that’s because you had your arm wrapped around him as he looked to ghost past you...

Weekender: Solo snipers, a trip to the seaside & Italy's lack of Ballons

2011-09-09T11:16:00Z

1) Contrite Tractors trundle to the seaside
You can tell there's a recession on if clubs are feeling contrition toward their "customers". Arsenal have apologised for their abject annihilation at Old Trafford by offering fans free tickets, following similar post-pasting offerings by Energie Cottbus and Wigan's players. And this weekend Ipswich will attempt to make up for their 7-1 thrashing at Peterborough by laying on free buses to Blackpool, their longest away trip of the season. The Tractors normally tear up the Tangerines, too: Ipswich have beaten Blackpool eight times, drawn seven and only lost three times. And nothing says "Sorry" like three points.

2) Italy needs to grow some Ballons
Serie A finally gets under way this weekend after the first round of matches was postponed due to strike action, but you could be forgiven for feeling something was still missing. Following Brazil international Ronaldinho's move from AC Milan to Flamengo in January, there are now no Ballon d'Or winners currently active in the Italian top flight for the first time since 1982. Could this be a further sign of a decline in the quality of Italian club football, following the country's slide down UEFA's coefficient rankings in recent seasons?
BLOG Follow the Italian action with Serie Aaaargh!

3) Second-tier Three Lions aplenty
Despite losing Scott Parker to Spurs last week, West Ham are still keeping the Football League's England flag flying. There are 11 second-tier players with England caps – Michael Ball, Darius Vassell, David Nugent, Nicky Barmby, David James, Kevin Phillips, Anthony Gardener, Lee Bowyer, Robert Green, Carlton Cole, David Bentley – with the last three all plying their trade at Upton Park. Perhaps not all names you would class as international quality, but the likes of Fabio Capello, Steve McClaren, Sven-Göran Eriksson and Kevin Keegan thought differently...

4) Strikers should (almost) never go back home
Craig Bellamy’s not your typical striker, which is good news for Kenny Dalglish. Forwards returning to a former club usually fare much worse, as can be seen by analysing the goal returns of 10 Premier League-era strikers who have returned for a second period at the same club. In their original spells, the 10 players we assessed scored 798 goals in 1704 matches – an average of a goal every 2.1 games. Upon their return they notched 276 in 824, averaging a goal every 2.95 games. Only one of the strikers did better in his second spell: Can you guess who it was?
BLOG Imperfect 10: The strikers' suspect second spells

5) Solo sniper Cristiano can outgun Getafe
Cristiano Ronaldo has good cause to be confident of outscoring Getafe, the side he and Real Madrid will face this weekend. The Portuguese forward has scored 69 league goals for los Merengues since arriving at the club in 2009, two more than the 67 the entire Getafe squad have netted during their collective time at the Coliseum club. Mind you, he's had enough practice: since 2006/07 C-Ron has had by far the most shots in Europe's top five leagues with 1,017 attempts – 335 clear of nearest challenger Wayne Rooney (662).
STATS Play with FourFourTwo and Opta's toy

Win the shirt off Phil Neville's back – and his breakfast
The Everton captain has signed a shirt and donated the WinNaturally essential snacks and supplements he swears by. Nice of him, eh?
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The past seven days have taken England within touching distance of Euro 2012, left Scotland’s hopes hanging by a thread and totally dashed the hopes of Northern Ireland and Wales. Spain, Holland and Italy, meanwhile, have all booked their tickets for next summer's jaunt to Ukraine and Poland.

The praise following England’s comfortable 3-0 victory in Bulgaria didn't last long, with more questions being asked of Fabio Capello after a nervous 1-0 Wembley win over Wales. While Capello's final home game was unconvincing, Gary Speed will be hugely encouraged by Friday evening's 2-1 victory against Montenegro and a confident performance in London, when his young team recorded 10 shots to England's 11 and lost to the only effort either side got on target.

Scotland were seething after two dubious penalty calls in the 2-2 draw with the Czech Republic left them with an almighty struggle to grab second spot behind Spain in Group I. Steven Naismith kept their slim hopes alive in a 1-0 win over Lithuania.

Northern Ireland are out after a 4-1 defeat to Estonia led to calls for manager Nigel Worthington to be sacked. Republic of Ireland held firm against a dominant Russia in Moscow to secure a credible 0-0 draw and maintain second place in their group.

Holland secured their place for next summer thanks in part to a thumping 11-0 win against minnows San Marino with Robin van Persie grabbing four, while Spain maintained their 100% record with a 6-0 win over Liechtenstein despite dropping Fernando Torres. Meanwhile, an 85th-minute winner courtesy of Giampaolo Pazzini means Italy will be there – unlike Zlatko Kranjcar, sacked by Montenegro despite the Balkans sitting second in England's group. Tough game, this football.

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More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

Don’t scold Mourinho, enjoy him - warts and all

For most, the prospect of international football providing a timely distraction when the world’s disapproving gaze is negatively focused upon your behaviour would be, at the very least, a stroke of good fortune. Somehow, it seems highly unlikely Jose Mourinho will see it that way.

Real Madrid started the season with an impressive and purposeful 6-0 victory over Real Zaragoza, but focus had remained upon Mourinho’s petulance against Barcelona, when he prodded the eye of Barca coach Tito Vilanova.

Speculation grew that he was set to resign as Real’s manager, that he had lost the backing of the club’s board and that his distasteful conduct warranted severe punishment.
To let the incident pass without consequence would unquestionably be wrong and set a dangerous precedent, but to hound one of football’s best managers away from one of the world’s biggest clubs and the sport’s most intense rivalry would be equally nonsensical.

Imagine a world without him, where every press conference is conducted in the monotonous tones of Glenn Roeder, Chris Hutchings, or Howard Wilkinson. Every defeat is accepted with the utmost grace, while refereeing decisions are half-heartedly criticised.

He may be arrogant and curt, and he can be devious, but Mourinho’s one of the best and he doesn’t care who he upsets in his bid for success. It’s time to appreciate him, warts and all.

– Declan Warrington, FourFourTwo.com blogger - read the full feature here

We're busily transferring over 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

I'd run over a dragon in my Range Rover"
Ask A Silly Question, Nov 2010: John Hartson

"For some reason, I've become known as 'Lips'"
Boy's A Bit Special, Jan 2006: Anton Ferdinand

"I caught one with a Malteser, one with a Sugar Puff"
My Secret Vice, May 2007: Jimmy Bullard

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, James Lewis, Chris McDonald, Izzie Boulert and the good folks at Opta.

America, Pep and the quest to find the meaning of...football

2011-09-06T12:54:00Z

Irish warehouse operative Paul Ring crosses the globe in the hope of finding an answer to the game's biggest question...

Have you ever had a question that just keeps nagging away at you? Ever had one of those Wednesday morning’s when you drift away and begin to contemplate the deeper issues, like football, life in football and your love of football?

On one such morning, this particular warehouse operative kept coming back to one puzzler; what is the meaning of football?

Anyone who says it is a sport played by twenty-two players would also say the Great Wall of China is merely a boundary line.

Bill Shankly once famously explained the importance of football as more important than life and death - though he may have been joking, but what, if any higher meaning does the beautiful game have? And who could answer such a question?

It could not be Jose Mourinho, who would explain the functional meaning of the game - score goals, win trophies, prod opponents in the eye and uncover the odd conspiracy along the way. It would have to be his nemesis; for if Jose is the Special One, then Pep Guardiola is The Guardian. The man with the answers. The question needed to be put to the Barcelona coach.

It is 3,286 miles from Shannon in County Clare to Washington D.C. Not quite a small step for man, but it could be one giant leap towards the answer. Tickets were booked, hotels were reserved and a press pass was secured via Manchester United fanzine Red News. In the interests of pure journalism I planned to follow Pep wherever he went .

Barcelona were in the US capital to play United in a glamorous pre-season friendly. A press conference was scheduled for two days before the game and I made my way to their hotel and blended in with the great and good of the football media awaiting the guardian.

I had poured over interviews with Juanma Lillo, Pep’s mentor, and dissected FourFourTwo’s summer feature on the Nou Camp boss. He doesn’t do one-on-one’s. He is the mythical figure atop the mountain who can answer anything and everything, but he has a press officer next to him saying; one question only.

Details were a little hazy as to what we could expect from the European champions’ press conference, but it had to ask my question. I had crossed an ocean, taken a metro and now braved the harsh confines of the Ritz Carlton. The moment was close.

There cannot be many who feel a crushing sense of disappointment when Xavi and Gerard Pique walk into the same room. The pass-master and elegant defender were good company, with Pique especially diplomatic in his answers. But it just wasn’t Pep.

I nodded and cracked the smile of a kid who’s just unwrapped a pair of socks on Christmas morning. The greatest socks in the world, but socks nonetheless.

I resumed the hunt at Friday’s open training session. I was pitch-side as Andres Iniesta, David Villa and the rest emerged into the giant FedEx stadium and quickly began to zip the ball around. Pep took his bow soon after. I shouted in vain but my plea was defended by the school-girl-style screaming of the Barca fans.

My pursuit was failing. Later that night at the Lincoln Memorial I heard people asking honest Abe for answers to life’s problems. I pondered for a second if the Great Emancipator might have Pep’s number but thought better of it. He wouldn’t have given it to me anyway.

Saturday was the day. He would be appearing after the game to take questions. First, if somehow Barca lost a game or second if they had won. I readied myself. My incessant itch would be scratched. The meaning of football, hell the meaning of life would be explained in a soft Catalan whisper.

Barca lost to a Michael Owen finish. A functional finish. We awaited Pep with baited breath in the press room.

“Mr Guardiola will take questions now”

My hand went up. I wasn’t called. It was to become the theme. Pep said he was ‘so, so happy with this performance’. He lauded United for their performance and praised them because they used ‘the counter attack, their best weapon’. You get the feeling he distains counter-attacks.

He drew the biggest laugh of the night when pushed on Cesc Fabregas, then of Arsenal. “There is a lot of talking on this, he is an Arsenal player, there is nothing more to say.”

When the reporter tried to force the issue, Pep cut him off like he was sweeping in front of Koeman; “Only one question per person” I only need one!

The language was then effortlessly switched to Catalan and Spanish. Why didn’t I have a translation ready?

The end came soon after and it was abrupt. He moved swiftly through the room and passed effortlessly through comments and handshakes. The sage was leaving and my answer was leaving with him.

He was now mere meters from me, I pondered calling out but a mixture of fear, respect and sheer awe prevented me from doing so. He embraced a Catalan journalist and the two jovially skipped out while I was left wide eyed and disappointed. How I wish the question I wanted answering was when Lionel Messi would be back fit.

My question remains unanswered, but only because I have yet to ask it.

Lillo once said “Fulfilment comes from the process” I am in the middle of that process. The question remains.

Released Birmingham youngster left with a difficult but common dilemma

2011-09-02T13:01:00Z

Kris Heneage speaks to a young player left looking for a club after being let go over the summer...

Three weeks ago, Cesc Fabregas departed England and returned home to Barcelona - he leaves the country with a fluent grasp of the language and a more than healthy bank account. Having joined Arsenal aged sixteen, he represents the completed development of talent Arsenal had identified eight years previously, but for every foreign player that makes it, there are a great number that don’t.

Take for example Alpaslan Ozturk. Born in Belgium to Turkish parents, he moved to Birmingham City from Germenial Beerschot on a youth contract - a deal that in itself provided few guarantees, as he explains; “I came to England without knowing where I was staying, if I was going to get paid or not, or if I was going to sign a contract”

Having left his family and friends behind, he was now forced to ingratiate himself in to a new country, city and culture, despite being only a teenager. He remembers it vividly; “I had just turned 16 when I first came to England. It was the 30th of August 2009, I had come alone but it did not matter for the first few weeks because you’re still in a bit of a shock that you’re playing in England.” He said.

Many foreign players struggle linguistically in England, and even though Alpaslan spoke English, he still had problems. Now fluent, he reflects on it with a degree of humour, explaining- “I could speak English before I came to England but I had a lot of trouble with the Brummie accent (laughs). Eventually I got used to that as well, I even think I’ve got one now.”

Once the initial excitement of a move to the Premier League had dissipated, homesickness began to set in for the youngster. “After the first couple of weeks it got hard without my family with me, but in my second year I got used to it,” he said.

Having represented both Turkey and Belgium at youth level, his future seemed bright, but problems soon began to surface between his new and former club. “When I got to England we were going to sign a scholarship deal,” he said.

The uncertainty didn’t end there, with Ozturk in a state of limbo, he explains; “Birmingham had to pay Beerschot, but for one reason or another they didn’t, and they put me on extended schoolboy forms. The issue never got solved and a few days ago the club told me that they are not gonna offer me a deal because of problems with Beerschot”

In what could be deemed slightly naive, he took to his (now deleted) Twitter page to explain just why he felt he had not been retained, tweeting; “Leaving Birmingham City Football Club, the club can’t afford to pay my compensation, thanks for the great memories Blues Fans and Club.”

With Birmingham’s reported financial troubles, his claims did not seem without foundation. Ozturk seemed a prospect, after all he was given a squad number last season and promoted to the first team for the club's FA Cup tie against Bolton. The game is something he looks back fondly on, telling me; “I cant explain that feeling it was a mixture of everything. A bit of fear, happiness, craziness, everything was in it. When I saw ‘33 Ozturk’ on the back of the shirt I was the happiest man on earth. I buzz off seeing the shirt even today.”

When asked about the player's situation, a Birmingham spokesman said; “It came to decision time, and unfortunately for Alpa the club decided not to retain his services. The club wish him all the best in the future.”

It’s difficult to decipher just where the truth lies. Don Henley once sang "There’s three sides to every story, yours, mine and the cold hard truth," - and that could arguably explain the situation. Alpaslan is now heading towards free agency, like so many unfortunate youngsters before him. Yet his outlook is still positive.

“I have no regrets” he said. It’s a statement he reiterates regarding his entire time with Birmingham, adding; “I’ve never ever regretted anything in my life, and certainly not coming and playing for the Blues [Birmingham]. As for Twitter, I just wanted to thank the fans for their support throughout my two seasons at the club. Now I have to find a new club, I’d have loved to come back and play for Birmingham, but if it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be.”

Now 18, Alpaslan still has an entire career ahead of him, with his dream still to play in England’s top league, he hasn’t given up just yet; “I will keep trying, I am just thankful to Birmingham for my time there. Now I will sit down with my agent and my family and decide what’s next."

Premier Ratings: City 'set a marker' as Arsenal verge on the criminal

2011-08-30T09:18:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's James Maw plays the numbers game following a breathtaking weekend of Premier League action...

Manchester City 9.5
(W 5-1, Spurs A)
Although Spurs may have played into their hands somewhat by not bothering to play anybody who would even pretend to tackle a City player in central midfield, Roberto Mancini’s side really ‘set a marker’ by winning so emphatically at White Hart Lane. Samir Nasri slotted in effortlessly as Edin Dzeko continued his ‘resurrection’ with his most complete performance in English football to date.

Manchester United 9
(W 8-2, Arsenal H)
A mark for every goal (and an extra one for the funny faces Anderson pulled as Wayne Rooney lined up those free-kicks). We place them below City as torturing a massively under-strength Arsenal at home is marginally less impressive than thrashing last year’s Champions League quarter-finalists on their own patch. Fergie won’t be happy his side allowed the Gunners to score twice and have a further 18 attempts at goal, but will at least be chuffed they netted eight against a ‘title rival’. Obviously.

Liverpool 8
(W 3-1, Bolton H)
With Arsenal and Tottenham faltering, Liverpool look huge favourites to grab the final Champions League spot – or better. Midfielder Charlie Adam came to the fore as he and Jordan Henderson scored first goals for the club in another impressive attacking display from Kenny Dalglish’s side.

Wigan Athletic 7.5
(W 2-0, QPR H)
Roberto Martinez’s side have had an expectedly smooth start to the new season, despite losing star man Charles N’Zogbia and having to fend off interest in Hugo Rodallega. They’ll do well to ‘make hay while the sun shines’ in these early months, as three points pinched from QPR could look all the more crucial should the winter be a bleak one.

Newcastle United 7.5
(W 2-1, Fulham H)
Like the Latics, Alan Pardew’s side have made a solid start to the season. The Magpies managed to navigate round the storm that was Joey Barton's departure with a fairly routine home win, and at present look a long way from being candidates for the drop - whoever would’ve thought it, eh? (clue: check the fourth entry down… and ignore the bit about Wigan struggling).

Stoke City 7
(W 1-0, WBA A)
Stoke had to weather something of a storm during their trip to the Hawthornes, with the Baggies dominating for large spells of the match, enjoying 60 percent possession and 11 more attempts at goal than the visitors. Yet it was the Potters wot won it, thanks to Ryan Shotton’s last-gasp prod out of Ben Foster’s mitts, which just goes to show you’ve got to make those chances count in this here Premier League.

Everton 7
(W 1-0, Blackburn A)
What’s that? A 1-0 away win thanks to a late, controversial goal? Oh go on then. The Toffees won their first league match of the season at the second time of asking - uncharacteristically early for a side gaining a reputation as sluggish starters - thanks to a baffling penalty awarded against Chris Samba in the dying minutes. This certainly won’t be the last time they dig deep, knuckle down and pinch points this season.

Chelsea 6.5
(W 3-1, Norwich H)
Seven points from nine represents a far from disastrous start to life in West London for Andre Villas-Boas, but it’s the nature of the performances that has raised eyebrows. The Blues appear to lack a little fluidity and imagination and, while Juan Mata will surely get the Londoners’ creative juices flowing once he’s up and running, there’s still a need for a little more artistry.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 6
(D 0-0, Villa A)
Although the Molineux men lost their 100 percent record to Aston Villa, this is still Wolves’ best start to a top flight season since 1979. Their newly-found defensive solidarity west tested in Saturday’s derby, but Roger Johnson and co passed with flying colours, holding off their rivals to secure a well deserved point.

Norwich City 6
(L 3-1, Chelsea A)
Despite ultimately succumbing to defeat in West London, the Canaries gave a more than creditable account of themselves on their trip to the capital. At one stage the Norfolk side even looked the more likely winners, before Ramires ‘won’ the penalty that saw John Ruddy dismissed and Paul Lambert’s side crumble.

Aston Villa 5.5
(D 0-0, Wolves H)
A solid, if unspectacular start to the season continued in solid, if unspectacular fashion as Villa stopped Mick McCarthy’s party bus gaining too much speed. Villa fans may have fancied their team as the favourites for this one, but McLeish is one of several managers still looking to chop and change his playing staff, and may be happy just to avoid getting off to a bad start.

Sunderland 5.5
(D 0-0, Swansea A)
Steve Bruce’s side extended their winless start to the season to three matches, although will take some solace from being unbeaten on the road. Maybe. Their biggest concern will be a lack of goals – just one from 40 attempts so far - that has this morning seen the club linked with a move to Peter Crouch.

Queens Park Rangers 5
(L, 2-0, Wigan A)
Granted, the Super Hoops are in the midst of a rather encouraging squad shake-up, with the likes of Joey Barton, Luke Young and Armand Traore only likely to improve the Shepherds Bush side, but come the end of the season they may live to rue surrendering three points to the Latics without too much of a fight.

Swansea City 5
(D 0-0, Sunderland H)
Three Premier League games without a goal will have Swans boss Brendan Rodgers a little concerned, especially given two of those matches were at home to sides who finished in the bottom half last term. On the plus side, another clean sheet and another near faultless performance from goalkeeper and potential cult hero Michel Vorm.

Bolton Wanderers 5
(L 3-1, Liverpool A)
Another defeat and another three goals shipped see the Trotters’ opening day rout at Loftus Road a distant memory. While Owen Coyle will be pleased with the number of chances his side are creating - and particularly how many Ivan Klasnic is converting - he won’t be with how many Zat Knight and co. are allowing down the other end. Still some defensive tweaking to be done, and that’s if they can actually keep Gary Cahill…

Fulham 5
(L 2-1, Newcastle A)
Their stroll to the Europa League group stages has perhaps masked how stilted a start the Cottagers have made to the Premier League campaign. Although Clint Dempsey flicked home their first league goal of the Martin Jol era, the Dutchman is still looking for his first league win and will be keen to get it before the rigours of another season in Europe hit.

West Bromwich Albion 4.5
(L 1-0, Stoke H)
While there were crumbs of comfort to take from their defeats to Manchester United and Chelsea, there was less to gleam from a loss to Stoke that sees the Baggies still to get off the mark. Roy Hodgson (we only call him Woy to be affectionate when he’s doing well…) was quick to criticise keeper Foster for his part in Stoke’s goal, a move hardly likely to quell suggestions he’s lacking when it comes to man-management…

Tottenham Hotspur 4
(L 5-1, Man City H)
Their defeat was perhaps more embarrassing than humiliating. Spurs played reasonably well in spells and came up against a highly talented team somewhere near the top of their game, but there will still be tactical questions over which Harry Redknapp will have to mull, but first he’ll be looking to squeeze a little cash out of Daniel Levy. He is ‘daaaahn to the bare baaaahns’, after all.

Blackburn Rovers 3
(L 1-0, Everton H)
There was an air of inevitability around the nature of Everton’s late win at Ewood. Blackburn’s concerned fans would’ve been half expecting the Toffees to win with a penalty, after their side had twice failed to score from the spot. That’s the way things are going for Rovers at the moment, the question is, does Steve Keen have the personality and nous to turn things round?

Arsenal 2
(L 8-2, Man Utd A)
The number of first-choice players missing shouldn‘t mask exactly how awful a performance the Gunners put on at Old Trafford, and the severity of the spanking doesn’t say much for the depth of Arsene Wenger’s squad. Heads dropped and lost causes weren’t pursued, and against a side like Manchester United those are acts verge on criminal. The next two days will most likely prove the most important of Arsenal’s season.

HEROES & VILLAINS Wenger's gap year, suicidal Redknapp and Shearer's hairline

Heroes & Villains: Wenger's gap year, suicidal Redknapp & Shearer's hairline

2011-08-30T07:30:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's man in sunny Sussex Mark Booth runs the rule over a weekend of Premier League action that will live long in the memory for anybody who wasn't at Swansea vs Sunderland...

Heroes

The city of Manchester
Although the Premier League season is barely over two weeks old, Sunday's action hints at this being a very Mancunian title race.

What a difference 12 months has made for Manchester City. On the opening day of last season, Mancini parked an armoured tank infront of his side's penalty box at White Hart Lane to escape with a 0-0 draw, this season the Premier League's new great entertainers dazzled with an exhibition of incisive one-touch football that yet again saw David Silva pull the strings as City's outstanding player. Debutant Samir Nasri's look of disbelief after Edin Dzeko added a sublime fifth told the whole story – on this form City will take some stopping.

But anything City can do, those old hands across town believe they can do better. Arsenal might be at their lowest ebb, and weren't helped by mounting suspensions and injuries, but United's dominance proved just how canny their manager can be in the transfer market. They didn't come cheap, but Phil Jones and Ashley Young are already looking like two excellent pieces of business. This will probably prove to be Ferguson's final generation of young players, but there's a togetherness and a cohesiveness in United's play that indicates those Wembley lessons from Pep Guardiola's Barcelona have been fully taken on board.

A lack of an outstanding competitor blighted last season and though they barely got out of first gear, Ferguson sealed their 19th title. If he's to add a 20th in May, City's new-found swagger means it will certainly have been harder earned. Roll on October's Manchester derby.

Eight goals and not an OG in the bunch...

Norwich City
The 3-1 scoreline at Stamford Bridge on Saturday afternoon flattered Chelsea. Norwich City have one of the UK's best young managers in Paul Lambert and a striker in Grant Holt who might just provide the firepower to keep the Canaries in the top flight. Despite their frugal approach over the summer, and without wishing to patronise, they matched their more illustrious opponents for long periods at Stamford Bridge. Though they left the capital empty-handed, Lambert's men will do well to remember that there are 16 easier places to pick up points and if they can match the level of imagination and desire on show here, they should be alright come May.

John Henry
Tottenham broke the old Big Four order once and for all after heavy investment in 2010, and after a similar outlay, Liverpool already look like having every chance of breaking back in after an impressive start to the campaign. John Henry stated that Liverpool are far from the finished article at the start of the season but they're already a million miles away from where they were this time last year.

The addition of Downing's width and Adam's craft in the middle mean that this Liverpool side has more in common with a side their manager may have played in. Factor in Lucas, carrying the water as one of the Premier League's most dramatic improvement stories of recent times, as well as a world class 'false nine' in Luis Suarez and it's no exaggeration to say that even Steven Gerrard might have his work cut out to find a place in this team. It seemed like a long way back for Liverpool when Dalglish took the reigns last season but the rate at which the Scotsman has turned their fortunes around is staggering and a lesson to those at the Emirates of the value in being active in the transfer market.

Is Leon the Best of a bad bunch at Newcastle?

Leon Best
Much has been made of Mike Ashley's failure to reinvest the £35 million Liverpool paid for Andy Carroll in January, but Leon Best's recent form in the Premier League suggests his replacement might come from the unlikeliest of sources. Eight goals in 15 league games in 2011 compares favourably to Carroll's record before upping sticks for Anfield and for the much-maligned forward, that happy knack of being in the right place at the right time is synchronised perfectly with the needs of Alan Pardew, who must be getting tired of seeing his best players leave the club. Following Enrique and Barton's exits, Newcastle's quota of quality Premier League players is receding at a similar rate to Alan Shearer's hairline so these timely contributions from Best had better not dry up any time soon.

Roberto Martinez
It's refreshing to have a young manager so likeable in both personality and tactical approach in the Premier League. Wigan played some outstanding stuff on Saturday against QPR, with Franco Di Santo's first goal particularly well worked. It'll be most interesting to see if the Argentine striker can take heart from his “where-the-hell-did-that-come-from” performance to finally make good on the potential that brought him to these shores in the first place. Having Martinez at the helm gives him the best possible chance. It's just a shame that the empty seats at the DW stadium suggests he doesn't have the town of Wigan behind him.

Villains

Harry Redknapp
Following 36 odd hours of Arsene Wenger mopping up much of the criticism heading for North London, Tottenham manager Redknapp owes the Frenchman some gratitude. Although Manchester City were superb during their romp at White Hart Lane, Spurs certainly helped them along their way through a lack of hunger and direction for which Redknapp should carry the can. It may be churlish to suggest Redknapp's suicidal decision to play two creative central midfielders - Niko Kranjcar and 'wantaway playmaker' Luka Modric - was a demonstration of poverty towards chairman Daniel Levy, but the Tottenham boss has been backed heavily in the transfer market in recent times and it's starting to look like those famous motivational powers are on the wane. The two Manchester clubs were hardly ideal opponents for their first two fixtures, but if Spurs fail to pick up three points away at Wolves next weekend, perhaps Levy and Redknapp's relationship won't be too far from breaking down irreparably.

Errrm, how did Barnet get on this weekend...?

Arsene Wenger
It's perverse that following an 8-2 defeat in the Premier League to one of their biggest rivals, it still almost seems unfair to add the Arsenal manager's name to this list. Wenger deserves sympathy for the manner in which his summer has panned out, but he must shoulder the blame for the current struggles his club face - at least partly.

With Barcelona and Manchester City stalling on meeting fair valuations of Fabregas and Nasri respectively, Wenger's first XI has had its heart ripped out in a fortnight. Ideally these two pieces of business would have been concluded in June, leaving the manager ample time to identify and recruit their replacements. As it is, Arsenal have missed out on Juan Mata and find themselves in the unfortunate position of appearing rich and desperate to clubs possessing potential targets, like a naive gap-year student arriving at an exotic marketplace with with a huge wad of daddy's cash in hand. This means Wenger will doubtless have to break his stubborn spending policy, or likely face the oblivion of being outside the top four. It's reactionary at best to question his position as Arsenal manager as some have, but it's already clear that there's a massive rebuilding job facing the Frenchman if they're to keep Liverpool from stealing their Champions League berth.

Andrei Arshavin
In usual circumstances a team will be desperate to avoid going down to ten men, particularly when they're without several of their key players, but many Arsenal fans were probably joining the cries of 'off, off, off' from their Manchester United counterparts after the out-of-sorts Russian clattered Phil Jones. The Arsenal 'star' was fortunate to avoid a red card, while the United defender was lucky to escape serious injury. That aside, the former Zenit forward also went in late on Jonny Evans, failed to muster a single shot at United's goal and completed a rather poor 71% of his passes. Not a good day at the office, but he'll be getting used to it by now.

Bolton Wanderers
Bolton's organisational strengths have become a footballing cliché as well-worn as the half-time orange in recent times, though that may require revision after Saturday's Anfield collapse. Liverpool were neat and tidy but were made to look extraordinary through Bolton's ball-watching-cum-shadow-chasing. Speculation surrounding Gary Cahill looked to have taken its toll with the defender lacking his usual presence in the back four and a uncharacteristic failure to take responsibility characterised this routine 3-1 home win.

Mauro Formica
If you're going to dive to win a penalty – probably best to score it, eh? A couple of dubious pieces of sportsmanship won his side two penalties they would ultimately fail to convert, succumbing to a late Mikel Arteta spot-kick as Blackburn snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. This bile-inducing folding into a defender's legs in anticipation of a foul is best off out of the Premier League and all Formica will have done is ensure his name will be pre-emptively etched into referees'minds up and down the land.

Alan Shearer
Matching shirt with the far superior Dixon and those same tired lines rolled out with that inane smile of the damned. We pay his wages, if that isn't worth rioting for, what is?

The musings of Messi, the development of Dortmund & how to beat Barca

2011-08-26T12:18:00Z

The season’s underway and the Champions League is gathering speed – so what else would you expect from FourFourTwo’s October issue other than a Champions League special and an exclusive interview with that man Messi?

On the back of pretty much a perfect season, we asked Lionel Messi if he’s ready to sit back and soak it all in. His response? “We didn’t win the Copa del Rey.” One of football’s greatest ever players reveals his motivations, his success and his all-new snazzy dress sense in an in-depth exclusive to FourFourTwo.

Continuing our Champions League special, we attempt to answer the impossible: how to beat Barcelona. From Jose Mourinho and other conquerors of the Catalans to Xavi himself, experts reveal how Barça can be toppled.

Plus, we have the ultimate guide to Europe’s premier competition in our ‘Champions League Most Likely To...’, and if that’s not enough, we delve deep inside David de Gea’s psyche and speak to Vincent Kompany about Manchester City’s chances.

And in the third installment of our Youth Development series, Borussia Dortmund open their doors to FourFourTwo to explain how a team of unknowns with an average age of 24 can win the Bundesliga, and why Germany have the future in their hands.

Bolton boss Owen Coyle is probably unique among Premier League managers: he’s teetoal, can’t swim and wears shorts on the touchline. He reveals all (not literally) in an absorbing interview. Turns out he doesn’t think much of tactics blogs...

The Scottish disciplinarian wouldn’t have though much of Wimbledon’s antics either if he’d been their gaffer during the ‘80s. But how did The Crazy Gang get so crazy? Here’s the story of their origins, and how an era of carnage began to unfold.

Elsewhere the October edition is crammed with fascinating features. In Fans vs Players, we take in all manner of confrontations, from pitchside scuffles to a supporter kidnapping a striker and forcing him to limbo dance (no, really). It’s a must-read.

It’s all much friendlier in the English Midlands, home to the Nottingham derby. Why do Forest and County fans like each other? Where’s the aggro? Our intrepid reporter investigates.

Ever heard the story of Charlie Davies? You will. He’s the man behind football’s most incredible comeback, making an extraordinary recovery from a death-cheating car crash. Face fractures, broken bones, a lacerated bladder... but he’s back.

And naturally, that’s not all. Also crammed into the new issue: top 10 player revolts, Franz Beckenbauer answers your questions, Hugo Sanchez talks us through the greatest bicycle kick of all time, we reveal the secrets of why it’s so hard to play away from home, there’s an England Performance masterclass with John Terry, Theo Walcott, Andy Carroll and Joe Hart and we take you inside FourFourTwo’s very own football theme park. Don’t miss out.

The October issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you by... Franz Beckenbauer, Andrew Cole, Stuart Lewis, Jody Craddock, Richard Money, Lionel Messi, Matthias Sammer, Owen Coyle, Karl Duguid, Scott Sutter, Esteban Vigo Benitez, Lars Ricken, Adam Gemili, Phil Brown, Garry Birtles, Michel Salgado, Xavi, Michael Frontzeck, Mark Le Tissier, Joe Hart, John Terry, Deco, Victor Munoz, Sepp Maier, Kurban Berdyev, Damian Scannell, Hugo Sanchez, Jay Bothroyd, Peter Taylor, Andy Carroll, Abel Resino, Javi Chico, Lawrie Sanchez, Kevin Blackwell, Juanma Ortiz, Gary Mabbutt, Theo Walcott, Pepe Mel, Jurgen Klopp, Ron Noades, Carlton Fairweather, Mark Lawrenson, Jason Manford, Gareth Southgate, Charlie Davies, Vincent Kompany, Manolo Jimenez, Jose Mourinho, Phil Neville, Brian McBride, Quique Sanchez Flores, Martin Lasarte, Leonardo, Dave Bassett, Emmanuel Adebayor, Chris Kamara, Messrs Dolce & Gabbana themselves and a lot of love.

Weekender: Robocop, chained-up coaches and back-rubs gone wrong

2011-08-26T12:00:00Z

North London has the edge over Manchester
While things may be looking rosy for the two big Manchester clubs, as North London's Premier pair fret over problems on and off the pitch, it's Spurs and Arsenal who have the historical edge ahead of this weekend's North London vs Manchester double-header. Just.
On 15 previous occasions in Premier League history there have been two fixtures pitting North London's finest against their Manchester counterparts, with North London and Manchester both managing five aggregate wins apiece. However Spurs and Arsenal have the edge as far as wins in individual matches are concerned, with the capital chums accruing eleven match wins to City and United's nine.

It's all kicking off in Italy...
...well, it is and it isn't, with a strike seeing off the opening weekend of the season in Serie A. Renzo Ulivieri, the former Bologna tactician now in charge of the Italian coaches' association, sensationally chained himself to the gates of the Italian Football Federation on Wednesday in protest at plans to allow clubs in the top two divisions to appoint managers without qualifications. The 70-year-old, a self-proclaimed communist, has always considered himself a revolutionary and once said that he'd enjoy being likened to Comrade Lenin, of whom he has a bust in his house.
While mediators were called in to persuade Ulivieri to give it up, recently relegated Bari had a stand-off of their own to passify when new signing Alessandro Crescenzi was hit by a plate thrown by his teammate Salvatore Masiello at dinner. Masiello was aiming at Bari's Czech goalkeeper Zdenek Zlamal who had reacted badly to having his pants pulled down by the defender in training the day before. Crescenzi put his right arm in the way to protect Zlamal's face and required no fewer than 40 stitches for his trouble. Masiello has been suspended from training and no longer has a future at Bari. It's not the first time Masiello has fallen foul of the club's disciplinary policy. Three years ago, he reportedly came to blows with the club's masseuse. Either way it's clear there's tension at Bari and everyone could do with a back rub.

EXCLUSIVE: Barcelona are not Robocop
Ever wondered how to beat Barcelona, short of going at Lionel Messi’s knees with iron bars or poking a member of their backroom staff in the eye with a boney Portuguese finger? Well then the October edition of FourFourTwo Magazine can help. We’ve spoken to the great, the good and Emmanuel Adebayor to gauge the best way to better Barca. And happy-go-lucky Togolese forward Adebayor – a member of the Madrid side who beat Barca in last season’s Copa del Rey final – tells exactly how ol’ Mou was able to put his team’s task into perspective; “Mourinho told us Barca aren’t Robocop; they are players, like us, which means if we try to play our football and press them high then they will make some mistakes.”
No news yet on whether Pep is the Terminator...
The October 2011 issue of FourFourTwo is out now

Borussia are bouncing ‘bach
If you thought Wolves had bounced-back well from their dice with the drop last term, then check out the start made by German side Borussia Mönchengladbach. Die Fohlen only avoided relegation last season thanks to a relegation play-off win over VfL Bochum last May, but now sit atop the Bundesliga with seven points from three matches, including an away win at Bayern Munich and a 4-1 gubbing of Wolfsburg. If they beat Schalke this weekend they will have made their best start to a season since 1973/74. Beat that, Mick McCarthy...

You’re all going on a European tour…
Or at least you could be. Why not make like Manchester United, Arsenal, Spurs and…errrm…Birmingham and take your team to the continent? FFT’s travel partners Nickes are giving you the chance to take your team on a training camp in Europe, play a friendly against a local team or perhaps even take part in a five-a-side tournament in Barcelona or Valencia.
For more information, click here

Win a signed pair of Paul Robinson’s gloves
We’ve teamed up with ProDirectSoccer.com to offer you the chance to win a pair of goalkeeper gloves signed by Blackburn’s Paul Robinson.

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Italy's loaded stars justified in pay strike. No, really
Read now >>

The Casillas-dropping, Güiza-welcoming weekend predictions
Read now >>

United's evolution and City's revolution helping Manchester set early pace
Read now >>

Nasri and Fabregas: Two very different tales
Read now >>

How do you solve a problem like Mourinho?
Read now >>

Heroes & Villains: Pickpockets, Greg Goodridge and soggy sandwiches
Read now >>

More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

Wenger a victim of his own success
There's a banner that regularly appears at the Emirates Stadium that reads: "In Arsene we trust".

It's a banner that's emblematic of the respect that exists for one of the world's best managers. An acknowledgement of the transformation of an entire club, of the admiration for the one man responsible for that transformation.

It's a banner that underlines gratitude for an individual who had a vision for a footballing Utopia and who dared to make that vision a reality.

A man who took less than two seasons to turn a stale, underperforming club into Premier League champions, change the culture of English football and thereafter raise the bar for those targeting domestic success.

Since being appointed Arsenal's manager, Arsene Wenger has succeeded in every conceivable way. That he is now under greater pressure than he has been at any stage of his time at the club is a total travesty.

It seems that Premier League titles, FA Cup wins, European finals, a highly successful transfer policy and the most entertaining brand of football in the country aren't enough to justify patience in a man who is revered around the world as one of the best in the business.

That Wenger has overseen the development of a sensational new stadium, exceptional training facilities, one of the world's best youth systems and is an outstanding nurturer of talent is seemingly irrelevant. That he has rejected the advances of Real Madrid on several occasions, displaying an all too rare loyalty in the modern game and a dedication to his work beyond the norm is being taken for granted.

The cliché is as inevitable as it is appropriate: if ever there was an instance of someone being a victim of their own success, this was it.
– Declan Warrington FourFourTwo blogger - read the full feature here

We're busily transferring 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"I like pies. Cherry pie, apple pie, with ice cream"
– One on One, Dec 2007: Arsene Wenger

"I'm the housewives' and grannies' favourite now"
– One on One, Sep 2002: Ryan Giggs

"I was pretty good at football, but I felt tennis was more my thing"
– Celebrity fans: Rafael Nadal

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, James Horncastle, Declan Warrington, Ryan Kelly, Alex Darbyshire and Group Q of the Europa League group stage.

Premier Ratings: Utopia, chickens and Noddy's hat

2011-08-23T08:30:00Z

FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson allocates the averages for this weekend's Premier League performances...

MAN UNITED 8.5
(W 3-0, Spurs H)
Dig the new breed. Yet again youth gets its head and rewards Ferguson's faith. The rejuvenated Red Devils' second-youngest line-up ever (average age 22.9) showed startling maturity, keeping their heads as the clocked ticked on then ruthlessly exposing Spurs as the visitors vainly chased parity.

MAN CITY 8
(W 3-2, Bolton A)
The allegedly defensive grinders have bagged nine goals in three games with attacking talent to spare (sorry Signor Ballotelli) and more to come. They'll face less expansive opponents than Swansea and Bolton but you feel they're ready to be dour or delightful as circumstance demands.

LIVERPOOL 8
(W 2-0, Arsenal A)
After fading badly against Sunderland, Liverpool finished with creative determination fuelled by astute substitutions. It's a long time since Arsenal completed fewer passes than their opponents but Henderson, Adam and Downing are finding their (and each other's) feet, the full-backs are impressing and Liverpool have options.

NEWCASTLE 7.5
(W 1-0, Sunderland A)
If you can keep your head… United reacted well to the Larsson brouhaha and Pardew's perceptive half-time switch (pulling Cabaye deeper and pushing Barton wide) paved the way to control and ultimate victory. With their centre-back pairing again impeccable, Newcastle enjoyed derby superiority – again.

QPR 7
(W 1-0, Everton A)
One shot on target, but it sure counted. Despite a widespread stomach bug the Rs matched Everton in most departments, turning the home fans in on themselves and enjoying a benchmark day while also looking forward to a future bankrolled by the new owner. No wonder Warnock waffled about Utopia.

STOKE 7
(D 1-1, Norwich A)
Tired by European exertions and facing an expectant Canary crowd, Stoke let the ball do the work and outpassed Norwich, claiming majority possession for the first time in Pulis's top-flight reign. The red card helped but it was the Potters' determination that made the difference.

WOLVES 7
(W 2-0, Fulham H)
(Briefly) top for the first time since the 1973 heyday of Noddy Holder's mirrored hat, Wolves flattened phlegmatic Fulham with a quick one-two before half-time. A defence well marshalled by Roger Johnson was rarely troubled and a three-sided Molineux rejoiced.

WEST BROM 7
(L 1-2, Chelsea A)
Again unluckily beaten by a late goal from much richer opponents, Roy Hodgson can be content: Baggies defended doggedly, should have doubled their lead and Shane Long looks a bargain who might link well with Odemwingie. Good for them: with Stoke and Norwich next up, they need to convert promise into points.

BOLTON 6.5
(L 2-3, Man City H)
Though you sense Man City had gears to go through had they not been gifted goals, Bolton performed with the sort of pluck and panache for which their fans will forgive defeat to heavyweights. Coyle needs more men but the ones he's got are playing to his wishes, attacking with optimism.

NORWICH 6
(D 1-1, Stoke H)
Much was made of a clash of styles but Paul Lambert made six changes to counter Stoke, Grant Holt battered away up front and the home side scored with a defender's header from a set-piece. That versatility will be needed and the ref won't always drop a clanger like Barnett's red card.

ASTON VILLA 6
(W 3-1, Blackburn H)
Villa's sparsest league crowd in four years watched their front three dismantle desperate Blackburn. Agbonlahor aped Ashley Young's cut-in-from-the-left schtick to great effect, Heskey did his pivotal thing and Bent sniffed out a goal. Big Eck will be pleased but bigger tests await.

WIGAN 6
(D 0-0, Swansea A)
Ceding possession but shading territorial advantage, Wigan could and should have spoiled Swansea's party. Watching from a safe distance as the hosts passed without probing, Latics displayed greater street-savvy as the game went on, hitting post and bar before failing from the penalty spot.

SWANSEA 5.5
(D 0-0, Wigan H)
Cold water alert: Swansea are still to score and Michel Vorm has already saved 14 shots on target, including Ben Watson's penalty. City are passing prettily but not yet piercingly – they had the top seven players for completed passes but Wigan's Jordi Gomez completed more than any where it counts, in the final third.

ARSENAL 5.5
(L 0-2, Liverpool H)
Not outplayed, despite the hysteria: statistically Liverpool shaded it by the narrowest of margins, while practically Arsenal were undone by a naive red card, two questionable offside calls, an unlucky deflection and a lack of defensive cover. Wenger can't change all of those things but which will he address first?

TOTTENHAM 5
(L 0-3, Man United A)
No shame in losing at Old Trafford – most teams do – and Redknapp may be right that chasing the game only increased the damage. But Spurs' lack of incisiveness only made them miss Modric more, and there's a far more important battle to win there: he may be Redknapp's most important transfer coup this week.

CHELSEA 5
(W 2-1, West Brom H)
With half-time boos for the Blues, AVB almost barged into Arsene Wenger's spotlight: had West Brom held (or extended) their lead, the new Bridge boss would have been under extreme early examination. Fittingly for a team in transition it took a very un-AVB switch to 4-4-2 to win. Help and change are on the way; both seem needed.

FULHAM 4.5
(L 0-2, Wolves A)
Tired already? Martin Jol doesn't think so, but a side that has looked almost impregnable in Europe seemed curiously inert in the Midlands. The absence of Bobby Zamora shouldn't cause the almost total absence of attacking initiative Fulham displayed and this time round Danny Murphy couldn't claim they were kicked out of it.

EVERTON 4.5
(L 0-1, QPR H)
Everton starting poorly is nothing new but this time it feels worryingly ominous. The squad is thin, the chairman admits they're skint and the manager's withdrawal of their one striker prompted boos. Ross Barkley showed great promise but how Moyes must envy QPR's prosperity, positivity and potential.

SUNDERLAND 4
(L 0-1, Newcastle H)
Daft to think Steve Bruce is under pressure, but derby defeats hurt and his team lost composure, shape and eventually face. Where Sunderland were savage Newcastle were savvy, and after heavy expenditure Bruce needs wins. Pity their next visitors are Chelsea.

BLACKBURN 4
(L 1-3, Aston Villa A)
Unlike most, Steve Kean saw the positives and his side were far from outclassed, if just as far from promising. For all the talk of Ronaldinho and Raul, Kean has gathered just 22 points in 23 games and Venky's chickens may be coming home to roost. Rovers need help but they also need stability.

HEROES & VILLAINS Pickpockets, Greg Goodridge & soggy sandwiches

Heroes & Villains: Pickpockets, Greg Goodridge and soggy sandwiches

2011-08-22T11:30:00Z

The goodies and the goofers from the weekend's Premier League action, as rated by James Maw

HEROES

David Silva 
As the half the civilised world fell over themselves desperately trying to squeeze Sergio Aguero into their Fantasy Football XI, the elegant Spaniard's brilliant start to the 2011/12 season in last Monday’s win over Swansea was relatively overlooked.

Not so this week, however. Silva was the undisputed star of the show as a pleasingly expansive City edged to a 3-2 victory over Bolton Wanderers at the Reebok. While there may have been an element of fortune about Silva's opener, it was deserved reward for another 90 minutes of probing passing and pocket-picking.

Roberto Mancini will rest easy in the knowledge that, while would be title-rivals Manchester United and Chelsea are still believed to be desperately seeking to add a splash of creative genius to their midfield, he’s got that area well covered – Nasri or no Nasri.

Alex McLeish
The new Villa boss will be delighted to have taken four points from his first two games since making the potentially sticky trip across town from Birmingham. Not least as it will allay the fears of Villa’s home crowd who, let’s face it, haven’t often held back when sticking it to unwanted occupants of the managerial hot seat.

Getting off to a good start will be crucial to avoid a repeat of last season's destructive terrace grumbling. And the locals will have been impressed by a generally less restrained performance than they’ve become accustomed to in the last 12 months, as Villa dispatched an admittedly sorry-looking Blackburn.

QPR
When you’ve been tonked 4-0 on your own patch in your opening fixture, you’ll probably be grateful to be away to a team with their own on- and off-pitch problems a week later. That’s not to say anybody expected QPR to return from their trip to Everton with anything more than a few match-day programmes and the Z Cars theme-tune stuck in their heads, not least because the Rs squad was hit by a virus in the 24 hours before the match.

But, against the odds, Rangers sealed their first Premier League away win since Greg Goodridge (yeah, exactly) netted in a 3-1 victory at Sheffield Wednesday (yeah, exactly) in February 1996. The victory, combined with the long-awaited buy-out of the club by lifelong ~~West Ham~~ fan Tony Fernandes, should have QPR fans looking ahead to the coming season with wide-eyed excitement rather than trepidation. 

Ross Barkley 
The tiniest slither of a silver lining for Everton came in the form of debutant Ross Barkley. The 17-year-old battled back from a broken leg last October to make his Premier League bow in the Toffees’ belated opener, and wowed the home faithful with a dynamic and energetic performance on a day when several of the club’s bigger stars went into hiding.

Sadly, he was denied a fairytale debut by his team-mates’ inability to find the net (or perhaps more accurately, his club’s inability to scrape together the pennies to buy a striker who can find the net…), but on a personal level he’ll still consider it a good first day at the office. 

Roger Johnson
Mick McCarthy’s shrewd summer signing has made an instant and noticeable difference to Wolves' defence this term. The 28-year-old was outstanding again as Mick’s men beat Fulham 2-0, commanding, composed and comfortable at the heart of the back four. 

VILLAINS

Soluble Arsenal fans
 Nobody likes getting wet, let’s get that straight for starters. But what is even less pleasant is seeing dozens, maybe even hundreds of empty seats in the front few rows of a stadium at a crucial stage of a big Premier League match because the precious little things who should be gracing them with their buttocks don’t want to get their replica shirts wet. What would Roy Keane say?

But as a downpour hit during the second half of Saturday’s match between Arsenal and Liverpool, that’s exactly what happened. The Emirates Stadium is an expensive place to watch a game; it's lunacy to forgo the full ‘matchday experience’ in favour of being marginally more warm and cosy for 20 minutes – especially when Arsene Wenger is insisting his team need all the help they can get from the fans.

Alex
 “Turin seems like a nice city, I’d quite like to go and live there sometime soon, far less looting and John Terry than this here London. Oh drat, Shane Long is running at me. Oh drat, I’ve got the ball stuck under my feet and now I’m facing the wrong way. Oh drat, he’s gone and we’re 1-0 down…”
Disclaimer: Chelsea’s Brazilian defender probably didn’t really say or think this. Probably. 

Seb Larsson
 If there’s anything worse than a blatant bit of cheating, it’s a blatant bit of cheating following by a big dollop of fibbing. (Obviously there are other things that are genuinely much worse, like murder and Celebrity Big Brother, but you get the idea.)

The Swede impressed with his acrobatic debut leveller at Anfield on the opening day, but his biggest contribution to the Tyne/Wear derby was rather less pleasing. A handball as unignorable as Steve Bruce's head left Newcastle’s Joey Barton furious – for once with good cause. To make matters worse, Larsson then had the front to irately holler at officials that the ball hit his face.

The former Birmingham wide-man was lucky England’s brave World Cup hero Howard Webb – or perennially petrified-looking assistant Scott Ledger – didn’t see Larsson's save, or he’d have become the latest player to be sent off in this most fiery of derbies... 

Phil Bardsley 
Instead that ‘honour’ was saved for team-mate Phil Bardsley, who lurched towards the other end of the naughty spectrum by hurtling towards Fabricio Coloccini’s shin in a rather reckless fashion. The Argentine was hugely fortunate to avoid serious injury.  

Neil Swarbrick
 The following is from the FIFA rulebook: "A penalty kick is awarded against a team that commits one of the ten offences for which a direct free kick is awarded, inside its own penalty area and while the ball is in play."

So it was odd at Carrow Road yesterday to see Swarbrick award Stoke a penalty for what would generally be described as a non-foul about four yards outside the box.

Still, one out of three is… wait… actually it’s ruddy terrible.

Weekender: Ned Flanders, Joey Barton and Graham Norton

2011-08-19T09:21:00Z

1. Expect Hansen's head to shake about Swansea vs Wigan
Pre-match attention will be on Roberto "Bob Martin" Martinez as he makes his first return to Swansea, but focus will soon switch to the strikers. The 19 games between these two sides have featured 60 goals – an average somewhere north of three per game. Five of those fixtures have featured five or more goals; only one has been goalless, and only two have been draws. The 1990/91 season was particularly splendid: Swansea arrived at Springfield Park in late December bearing the unseasonal gift of a 4-2 defeat, a present returned with interest just after Easter when Latics turned up at the Vetch and battered the Jacks 6-1.

2. What's Spanish for "Hidely-ho, neighbourinos"?
Whether or not it kicks off on schedule tomorrow – the players' union may strike over a lack of payment at some clubs – the 2011/12 Primera Liga season will see 34 derbies thanks to promoted sides renewing rivalries. With Granada and Real Betis joining Sevilla and Malaga, there will be 12 all-Andalucian affairs; there'll also be a dozen capital clashes now Rayo Vallecano have joined Real, Atletico and Getafe. Throw in the Valenciana trio (Valencia, Levante and Villarreal), Barcelona-Espanyol and the Basque clash between Real Sociedad and Athletic Bilbao and you have yourselves plenty of local pride to play for.
La Liga Loca: The Great Season Preview

3. Saints go marching on
Championship-topping Southampton have started where they left off from last season – winning games. The Saints are currently on a run of nine league wins in a row and looking for number 10 against Millwall on Saturday. It’s their longest-ever run of consecutive wins, but they've a way to go before they'll match the club record unbeaten run: from September to December 1921 the team went 19 games without loss. To top that, the current side will have to avoid defeat until after the October 29 game against Middlesbrough.

4. Football: Facebook likes this
Tonight, football breaks a new barrier with the first game to be broadcast on Facebook. The FA Cup Extra Preliminary Round tie between Ascot United and Wembley FC will be streamed live to a potential audience of 700 million. It's not the first online live match broadcast: in 2009 the collapse of Setanta meant England's World Cup qualifier in Ukraine was streamed online, while this July's Copa America was shown on YouTube. Coming up next: Joey Barton to start broadcasting games via Twitter...
Join us FourFourTwo on Facebook

5. Stats Zone: your own portable facts machine
Ever needed proof of a tactical hunch? Whether you're in the stands or the pub, try Stats Zone. Brought to you by FFT and powered by data from Opta, Stats Zone brings you a mass of information on Premier League games, as they happen, all presented in handy pitch-diagram form for you to post online or simply wave in your mate's face. Whether you're tracking every pass, shot, tackle, foul and assist, comparing players and teams, analysing how matches change over time or simply maximising your fantasy league selections, give it a whirl. It might just prove what you already know: you're smarter than they think.
Stats Zone Info, screenshots and instructions

Win iconic football posters
Itchy-bottomed tennis lady? Pah. Whack up some glorious football graphic design prints instead. Your wall will love you.
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And it's back. The world's most analysed league kicked back off in generally underwhelming fashion, with due respect to the 4-0 wins chalked up by Bolton at QPR and a Sergio Aguero-inspired Man City at home to Swansea. Chelsea drew a blank at Stoke, while down the road Manchester United won 2-1 at West Brom despite only having one shot on target.

Arsenal also endured a goalless grizzle at Newcastle, whose recalled social media tsar Joey Barton received a stamp from Alex Song and a slap from Gervinho. Both are now banned for three games and the Gunners will also have to make do without Cesc Fabregas, who finally left for Barcelona; with Samir Nasri seemingly set on switching from the Emirates Stadium to Man City's Etihad Stadium, some Gooners have taken to vocally demanding incoming transfers. Fabregas, meanwhile, made his debut in the Super Cup win over Real Madrid, whose boss Jose Mourinho congratulated the hosts by apparently sticking his fingers in a Barça coach's eye.

Back in Blighty, the first Football League midweekers started to shake the divisions down a little. Still roaring along with three wins from three are Southampton, Brighton and Derby (in Division Two), Charlton and Sheffield United (Division Three) and Rotherham (Division Four), while Coventry and Doncaster, Leyton Orient, and Crewe and Hereford still seek their first point.

In the financial pages, Malaysian businessman Tony Fernandes bought control of QPR, Everton chairman Bill Kenwright said the bank won't lend the Toffees any more money for transfers, and the Glazers seem set to sell a slice of Manchester United on the Singapore stock exhange to help clear debts. You'd think there was a recession on.

The stars (and FFT) predict who'll do what in the Premier League
Read now >>

Remembering Uzbek football's darkest day
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The fall and rise of Stephen Dobbie
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What's going on in the Turkish match-fixing scandal
Read now >>

Stats Zone: Joey Barton, cross? Never...
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Can Chelsea's rough diamond make the grade?
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More features uploaded every day at http://fourfourtwo.com/blogs/

For some people, there's no such thing as a home fixture
While Cesc Fabregas – a World Cup winner in South Africa last summer – ponders how many swimming pools his new palatial Catalan home should have, the stars of the lesser heralded World Cup kicking off in France this weekend will have rather more substantial concerns.

The ninth annual Homeless World Cup will gets underway this weekend in Paris, with 512 players from 64 countries competing in what perhaps sounds the most unlikely of international tournaments. The competition is the brainchild of Big Issue co-founder Mel Young-Schweb and has grown year-on-year since 2003's 18-sided inaugural tournament.

"The winning clout of the Homeless World Cup is that takes disadvantaged people from streets across the globe, and through the universal language of football, brings them together, empowers them to be fit and motivated, re-builds pride and inner strength, and so changes lives," explains Big Issue co-founder John Bird.

While the HWC's tarty Blatter-endorsed sister enables players from lesser leagues to put themselves in the proverbial shop window in the hope of catching the eye of a cash-rich European club, the stars of the homeless version have far more humble aims. It's said that more than 70% of players in each tournament are helped to turn their lives around – overcoming addictions, securing jobs, seeking education, fixing damaged relationships and, of course, finding a home.

But with over one billion homeless people across the globe, that's only really scratching the surface. It's certainly something to think about while the transfer window approaches a screaming climax involving tens of millions of pounds spent on players awarded contracts worth over £100,000 a week.
– James Maw, FourFourTwo online features editor

We're busily transferring 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"I did a baking diploma. I liked making pretzels"
– One on One, Aug 2004: Jurgen Klinsmann

"I would pay to watch Steven Gerrard"
– Web Exclusive, Oct 2009: Cesc Fabregas

"Me and Robbie Keane watch Graham Norton, cuddle up and fall asleep"
– My Secret Vice, Jul 2001: Rio Ferdinand

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Ryan Kelly, Alex Darbyshire, Steve Grant and Phil's tasty nuts. They're good for you, Mum!

New balls, please: Meet the new season's glamorous globes

2011-08-16T15:57:00Z

The professional football season is back, and ready to follow in its wake are millions of keen part-timers. From amateur and semi-pro players already embarking on pre-season training to sofa-dwellers who fancy a kickabout from time to time, everybody is kicking balls.

But which ball to kick? That old Jabulani sitting by the front door is looking jaded and even – whisper it quietly – only 99% spherical. It’s time for a new one. (NB: the Jabulani is still being used in MLS this season, so if you want to insist it’s still ‘new’, we won’t stop you.)

Here, then, is football’s real Big Four: the best balls being used this season, from the Champions League final in May next year to Burton Albion v Macclesfield on a windy Tuesday night. We’ve had a play with each during our regular Thursday lunchtime kickarounds, and having retrieved them all from neighbouring gardens soon afterwards, fashioned a small report for you. We’re nice like that.

Look at these footballs. Read about them. Imagine belting one of them into the top corner. Then pick your favourite, and let us know what you think.

Nike Seitiro
Premier League, La Liga and Serie A
First up, the ball used by the three major European leagues (sorry, Holland). Looks-wise, the splashes of colour are designed to help players see the ball and therefore make decisions faster, as part of Nike RaDar technology, which stands for Rapid Decision and Response. We certainly found that to be true at The FourFourTwo Arena: defence-splitting passes to nobody in particular were made, on average, 0.3 seconds earlier.

The Seitiro is hard – not break-your-foot medicine-ball hard, but sturdy enough not to turn to blancmange after a few thwacks from your centre-back. It’ll keep its shape like no other.

But most importantly, the Premier League ball absolutely flies when you hit it. Sorry for blinding you with science, briefly, but the ball incorporates compressed polyethylene layers which store energy from impact and release it at launch. This is A Good Thing.

And, apparently, Jay Bothroyd is a fan. Which is nice.

Best for... belting the ball bloody hard. The Seitiro pings off your foot and moves through the air, responding to well-hit shots by gliding whichever way you want it to, as opposed to whichever way it feels like or in accordance with the wind. It’s on the more expensive side, but it will reward good technique – as Sergio Aguero has already shown.

Mitre Tensile
Football League and SPL
At first glance the Mitre Tensile looks a little ‘plasticky’ (not our favourite word, admittedly), but we found it to be very reliable. It’s extremely light, with the reduction in stitching optimising power and reducing drag on the ball. In other words, when you smash the Tensile it goes faster than before, which is always a good thing, unless you’re a goalkeeper with the reactions of roadkill.

The choice of the Football League and the Scottish Premier looks, in the best possible way, like the b*st*rd child of R2-D2 and a fridge. It does, however, come in different colours and designs according to your supported team – nice and simply, red for Swindon, green for Plymouth. Essentially, then it’s a sort of iFootball.

This makes it arguably the prettiest of the balls on offer (we cater for every audience here), although that depends on your liking of 21st-century aesthetics combined with emotional bonding sensibilities. What?

Pedants may argue it’s a little on the grey side for visibility, but pedants always argue. That's what they do.

Best for... tiki-taka. No, really: this may be a Football League ball, but Barcelona would love it. Being so smooth, the Tensile glides naturally on wet or dry surfaces, and therefore allows quick passing play, especially because it’s so light. It’s cheaper but with potential – like many a Football League player, then.

Adidas Finale 11
Champions League
The official ball for the premier club competition this season looks like something out of Mario Kart, but it is, in every way, a real football.

It being relatively heavy, shots with the Adidas Finale 11 stay hit; an older participant in our kickabout said that the pentagonally-panelled plaything “still feels like a proper leather football”. And this despite a brand new texture, not unlike a series of dimples, which provides better control and swerve.

It certainly feels less slippery as a result. Keepers will love this ball: it’s easy to grip and handle, especially in comparison to one-skin balls such as the Jabulani, and thermal bonding replacing traditional stitching means it travels along a more predictable trajectory. That is to say, this ball goes where you hit it. If you miss, it’s probably your fault. Sorry.

Best for... important games and the high-end market. Being the official Champions League ball, the Finale 11 is quite expensive, but for the extra money you get proven quality – FIFA gave the ball its highest rating for weight, water uptake, shape and size retention. It does get filthy, mind, and quickly: don’t expect those fancy stars to stay bright for long unless you love a good clean.

Umbro Neo Pro
FA Cup
It being the official ball of the FA Cup, you might expect the Umbro Neo Pro to be unpredictable; able to surprise you at any time. Which, when you think about it, isn’t ideal.

No, on the contrary it’s completely predictable – and what more could you want from a football? The Neo Pro is FIFA-approved and also used by the England team, but again, that doesn’t mean it falls to pieces under pressure.

We found that you can pass very accurately with this ball, and also that it’s easy to control – thanks, apparently, to a "3D-effect" Japanese microfibre with a tri-ply lining system and it being cut by laser technology. Obviously. It being quite light, too, heading is a dream, at least if you keep your eyes open.

The yellow and blue hi-vis is being used in the FA Cup from the First Round Proper until the red and white ball comes into use for the Sixth Round and semi-finals. A new design will be commissioned for the final.

Best for... those with less to spend. The Neo Pro is a reliable football – a good, solid all-rounder that can be easily played with at any level – but can generally be found for half the price of the Premier League or Champions League footballs.

Premier Ratings: Muamba goes all Cruyff and Aguero sets a marker

2011-08-16T08:00:00Z

FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson rates the 18 teams fortunate enough to play a Premier League match this weekend...

WOLVES 8 Hadn't beaten Blackburn in six but such records may tumble this season. A Roger Johnson-marshalled defence blunted Blackburn's attacks, their front four used the ball better than the hosts, and Wolves deservedly came from behind to win.

BOLTON 8 Tenacious in the tackle and adventurous going forward, Wanderers weathered early QPR pressure before exposing the hosts' inadequacies. You know you're in trouble when Fabrice Muamba completes a Cruyff turn on the edge of his own box.

MANCHESTER CITY 7 Although it took them the best part of an hour to click into gear, once they did things started to look hugely ominous for their title rivals. If Sergio Aguero’s impact on City’s season mirrors that he made on its first match, then the viewing public is in for a treat.

SUNDERLAND 7 Could easily have collapsed under early pressure but Bruce's old guard, bolstered by the Andy Carroll-owning Wes Brown, came back strongly. Seb Larsson's goal was a peach but Steve Bruce will see this as a point won by the team.

WEST BROM 7 Just as last season at Old Trafford, West Brom frustrated the Red Devils. Shane Long impressed on his debut and Roy Hodgson can count his team somewhat unlucky in the manner of their defeat.

MAN UNITED 6 Injuries may have rejuvenated the defence rather quicker than Sir Alex may have liked but the main problems were at the other end. United were tidy but lacked penetration, managing only one shot on target.

FULHAM 6 Now seven games unbeaten having only conceded one goal, Fulham should have done better against a rustier side with domestic problems but were unlucky to face a genuinely great goalkeeper with a point to prove.

CHELSEA 6 The Andre Villas-Boas era started with a goalless draw but Chelsea will be pleased with the promising display of Fernando Torres and a second-half domination that saw them rack up 20 shots on goal.

WIGAN 6 Better than last season's opener, but what isn't? Roberto Martinez praised the inventive Victor Moses while internally cursing £4m keeper Ali Al-Habsi, who gifted Norwich an equaliser they probably didn't quite deserved. Two points dropped.

SWANSEA 5 A relatively heavy defeat, but still one from which many positives can be gleamed. Aside from completing more passes than any other side over the Premier League’s opening weekend (486), there were also impressive displays from keeper Michel Vorm and fullback Angel Rangel. Finding a cutting edge is a must, but there are still 37 matches to play...

LIVERPOOL 5 A team in transition, Liverpool cruised the first half but lost the plot thereafter, pinging it at the head of Andy Carroll. Luis Suarez impressed but Charlie Adam disappeared while Stewart Downing flitted and flickered.

STOKE 5 No shame in being outplayed by Chelsea, but Stoke's policy of containment saw them yield two-thirds of possession to the visitors, with Kenwyne Jones so isolated he was communicating via pigeon post.

NORWICH 5 Far from overwhelmed, but Wigan will be in the sights of anyone hoping to stay up. Wes Hoolahan was gifted a goal by Ali Al-Habsi, but they'll have to manage more than two shots on target in such open games.

ARSENAL 4 Gervinho worked the wings well before his daft expulsion but Arsenal were easily marshalled by Fabio Coloccini and Steven Taylor. That must be a worry for a team losing one or two of its prime movers. At least they got a clean sheet.

NEWCASTLE 4 Barton brouhaha aside, Alan Pardew will be disappointed that Newcastle couldn't take advantage of a prone Arsenal. New signings Demba Ba, Yoann Cabaye and Gabriel Obertan underimpressed as the Mags managed one shot on target.

BLACKBURN 4 Many have predicted disaster for Rovers this season. One defeat isn't it, but it's a bad start to lose at home to potential relegation rivals. Mauro Formica's goal offers hope but Steve Kean needs defenders – and stability.

ASTON VILLA 4 It's rarely good news when your goalkeeper gets the attention. Shay Given impressed and Charles NZogbia did his flitty-about thing but Villa only had one shot on target. Alex McLeish has a way to go before fans are appeased.

QPR 2 Harsh, perhaps, after a reasonable first half-hour, but once behind the West Londoners collapsed quicker than the Eurozone. With far better teams to face yet, their system's over-reliance on Adel Taarabt may cost them as much as their owners' parsimony.

HEROES & VILLAINS Ruddy-cheeked keepers and Charlie Adam's yo-yo

Heroes & Villains: Spike, Joey and Jessie

2011-08-15T11:33:00Z

James Maw is back on the beat bringing you the best and worst of this weekend's Premier League action

HEROES

Asmir Begovic
Although Chelsea’s Fernando Torres was rather charitably handed the Man of the Match award after not looking utterly hapless for the first time in about 12 months, Stoke’s Bosnian net-tender was surely the star of Sunday’s stalemate.

The 24-year-old put in a performance so good he even went to the effort of making a spectacular save from a shot that was offside and not going in anyway. He also saved each of the seven second-half shots on target that actually would’ve counted, which seems somewhat more worthwhile…

Charlie Adam
The Scot pulled more strings than a professional yo-yoer during the first half of Liverpool’s draw with Sunderland, even if he did fade a tad as the game wore on. Being able to hit the heights for the whole 90 minutes rather than just in fits and starts is quite possibly the difference between being a star for Blackpool and a star for Liverpool, and finding a way of improving the 25-year-old’s staying power will be one of Kenny Dalglish’s priorities in the coming months.

Wes Brown 
The Manchester United old-boy enjoyed a debut that went a long way to proving that not being able to hold down a place at Old Trafford does not a bad player make, helping new club Sunderland pinch what many will have seen as an unlikely point from their trip to Liverpool. With the defensive problems facing Sir Alex Ferguson in the coming weeks, the Scot will perhaps wish he still had Brown at his disposal.

  Mick McCarthy (and Wolves)
 Wolverhampton Wanderers were just a whisker from dropping through the Premier League's trap door 12 weeks back, and most pundits had the Molineux Men down as relegation contenders once again. Yet an opening day win at Ewood Park on Saturday could set the tone for a slightly more comfortable campaign. The permanent signing of Jamie O’Hara looks a shrewd piece of business, while the capture of assured centre-back Roger Johnson has the potential to be one of the deals of the summer.

Coming from behind to win is always a sign of impressive resilience – though they'll hope not to wait seven weeks for their second league win, as they had to last term. Plus, this week's 'stupid answer to a relatively sensible question' award goes to the man from Yorkshireland. When asked how big a player midfielder Matt Jarvis would be for his side this season, Slick Mick replied "about 5 ft 8in, like last season."

It's like Spike Milligan never left us...

Gary Cahill
The Sheffield-born defender has this summer been linked with Tottenham, Man City, Liverpool and Arsenal but, while it is understood Bolton may be keen to sell to free up funds to reinvest in other areas, Owen Coyle will be glad business has, as of yet, been slow.

As always, Cahill led from the back as the Bolton burst out of the blocks with an arguably unfairly emphatic 4-0 victory at Loftus Road. The England centre-back showed the way he likes to play football – encouraged, presumably, by Coyle – by joining in with an attack and elegantly bending the opener past ruddy-cheeked gloveman Paddy Kenny from fully 20 yards.

Coyle is still seeking strikers; in the absence of Daniel Sturridge and Johan Elmander, many wondered how Wanderers would score goals. The answer appears to be "a centre-back, an own-goal, a deflected shot and one from a bloke who's scored three goals in three years".

VILLAINS

Newcastle United & Arsenal 
These two served up a dog of a match so wretched you'd have it put down, were it genuinely canine. On the face of it, a draw wasn't a terrible result for either side, but the attacking display of both teams will be cause for concern for their respective managers.  Moreover, the managers may worry about the lack of discipline that saw one player sent off and two more escape a similar fate. And perhaps unsurprisingly, given his history and the events of the summer, Joey Barton was the centre of all the controversy. 

If there's anything more stupid than one of your midfielders rising to Barton's bait and lashing out at the Newcastle man, it's allowing it to happen twice in successive seasons.  Arsenal's Abou Diaby was dismissed for lashing out at the Magpies' tweeter-in-chief back in February, but you sense Arsene Wenger may not have reminded his side not to allow themselves to be wound-up by the Scouse scamp. Not least when Alex Song stamped – or rather stood – on his opponent following a midfield tussle in Saturday evening's re-match at St James'. Arsenal were lucky to escape without going down to 10 on that occasion, but that luck was to run out half an hour later.

 When Joey Barton (yes, him again) reacted with fury to what he perceived to be a dive in the penalty area by the Gunners debutant Gervinho, all hell broke loose. The former Manchester City midfielder dragged the Ivorian to his feet, leading to a melee involving 10 or 12 players, during which the Arsenal forward threw an 'open-handed punch' (or slap, as it's more commonly known) at his accuser.

 Barton tumbled to the deck in a particularly hypocritical fashion and was perhaps a tad lucky to not be sent for an early bath for the combination of grappling and 'attempting to deceive an official'.

Indeed, Arsenal could in theory complain that they should have been awarded a penalty, given Barton’s manhandling of Gervinho occurred in the 18-yard box. Newcastle would, of course, claim a free-kick should have been awarded for the ‘dive’, which of course Arsenal would dismiss as a natural tumble, given the nick the forward received from Chieck Tiote. The whole thing could just go on and on for the rest of time until only cockroaches and the FA’s appeal panel remain...

 Regardless, Gervinho should have known better than to plant his hand in an opponent's face and that, combined with the ‘dive’, was probably enough to warrant his dismissal one way or another. And at the end of the piece, given Song and Barton both had a lucky escape, perhaps some kind of ugly justice was done.

 Speaking after the game, Alan Pardew explained that he felt Barton was 'calm' throughout the match. As calm as Clapham Junction at about nine o'clock last Monday night, perhaps...

De Gea-bashing bandwagoners
While there’s no question Manchester United’s rookie keeper should have done better in dealing with Shane Long’s relatively tame first half strike, there’s also no question he deserves better than the semi-hammering he has taken in this morning’s papers.

“United’s calamity keeper spared again” roars the Sun, while the Mirror refers to the 20-year-old as ‘dodgy De Gea’, with reports elsewhere highlighting how uncomfortable he looked when being elbowed in the head, the big Jessie…

QPR’s owners 
Starting your first Premier League season in 15 with a defeat is one thing, but getting under way with a comprehensive home gubbing to a side who finished 13th last season and have two of their best players missing is quite another.

Yet it’s hard to not have sympathy for Hoops boss Neil Warnock, who has been particularly hamstrung by the dithering behind the scenes at the West London club. The protracted sale of the Shepherd’s Bush side has seen a chronic lack of investment from the multitude of sugar daddies filling the Loftus Road directors’ box, and that has left Warnock with a back four who look more likely to trouble Derby County’s record for most goals conceded in the Premier League than the division’s upper reaches.

Then there’s the ticket prices – oh lord, the ticket prices. Despite Saturday’s game being the Rs' first top-flight fixture in a decade and a half, there were 3,000 empty seats, seats that may well have been full had the average ticket not cost £47.

Fortunately for Hoops fans it seems as though a takeover may be completed in the coming days; they'll just have to hope the damage hasn’t already been done.

Kieran Richardson
It’s OK, this one's about football. The ever-popular midfielder-come-defender-come… wherever it is he plays nowadays had a particularly inauspicious start to the new season.

The former Manchester United man conceded an early penalty for a foul on Luis Suarez, and was then fortunate on two counts; firstly that he wasn’t red-carded for hauling down the Liverpool forward with no other defender around to deny the Uruguayan a clear shot at goal, and secondly that the former Ajax star spurned the chance to give the Reds an early lead from the resultant spot-kick.

Still, Richardson was punished minutes later, when his lack of positional awareness saw Suarez ghost in to nod Liverpool in front. Richardson somehow managed to both play Suarez onside and give the Liverpool forward acres of space to head a Charlie Adam free-kick past Simon Mignolet and into the net.

The stars (and FFT) predict who'll do what in this season's Premier League

2011-08-12T12:25:00Z

Jeff Stelling
Sky Sports' beating heart and pulsing brain

The title race will be closer than last season, but Manchester United have already struck a real psychological blow by beating City in the manner they did at Wembley on Sunday. City might bear the scars of that for a while.

United have certainly bought well and their younger players – Smalling, Nani, Hernandez, the Da Silva twins – will all have learnt and improved too. They would certainly be my tip for the title.
City will be up there again, and exactly how they do may depend on how well Aguero slots in, but I see them finishing second. I think Liverpool's feelgood factor could see them finish third and we saw glimpses at the end of last season of how much of a handful Luis Suarez is going to be for opposition defences. I don’t necessarily think Chelsea and Arsenal are that much, if any stronger than last season.

There are a few question marks around Chelsea, the new manager is very inexperienced – so can he achieve the same success as somebody like Carlo Ancelotti? They’ll also need Fernando Torres to score some goals, and I’m not entirely convinced he will. But they still have a solid look about them and we’ll see more of Ramires this season. They should have enough know-how to pip Arsenal to fourth.

Everybody knows the kind of players Arsenal need to buy – solid defensive players, and it’s almost like Arsene Wenger c*cks a snook at them by going out and signing Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. He’s undoubtedly a fantastic prospect, but he’s the last thing they need at the moment. God knows what Arsenal fans must make of that. I’m a big fan of Arsene Wenger, but I’m left scratching my head at times.

I’ll also be interested to see how Tottenham get on. I know they haven’t really strengthened but if Ledley King and Gareth Bale can stay fit and they keep Luka Modric they could do well. I can’t imagine Jermain Defoe struggling as badly as he did last season and I can see Harry’s team having a good year.
I’ve got a funny feeling Norwich might do OK too. They’ve always scored goals – last season they scored in 20 of their 23 away games – and it’ll be interesting to see if Grant Holt can do it at the top level.

But it’s hard to see their fellow promotees QPR surviving. DJ Campbell and Jay Bothroy will get a modicum of goals, but it’ll be a bit of a miracle if Neil Warnock keeps them up. I think Blackburn will go down too – I just don’t think the owners have a real grip on reality. Wigan, meanwhile, can’t keep scraping out of it forever.
If you asked me to put money on somebody to win the Golden Boot I’d go with Suarez – I was really impressed with him last season, he’ll get great service and I think he’ll work well with Andy Carroll.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Liverpool 4. Chelsea
Relegated: QPR, Blackburn, Wigan Athletic
Top scorer: Luis Suarez (Liverpool)

Jeff was talking on behalf of Soccer Saturday Super 6, the free-to-enter online predictor game, with a double jackpot of £200,000 on Saturday 13 August.

Michael Cox (@Zonal_Marking)
Editor, ZonalMarking.net

Manchester United have strengthened and will improve on last year. Manchester City will maintain a challenge but they draw too many games. Chelsea will take a while to get used to Andre Villas-Boas's methods and be a bit predictable. And Arsenal will do the same as ever...

I think Tottenham might surprise people and push on a bit, but not into the top four. I also fancy Wolves to be better than last year - they've got Roger Johnson in, and they'll keep more clean sheets. I think Bolton might be a surprise name to be involved in the relegation fight: they've lost some key attacking players. As for top scorer, I'll go for Robin van Persie, though for an outside bet, maybe Jermain Defoe...

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Arsenal
Relegated: Norwich, Blackburn, QPR
Top Scorer: Robin van Perise (Arsenal)

Michael Cox runs ZonalMarking.net, a website about formations, tactics, and anything else deemed geeky enough for inclusion.

Mark Lawrenson
BBC, Daily Mirror

Manchester United have the best manager, a team able to deal with all different competitions, strong competition for places, a good balance of youth and experience, hunger and a real winning mentality. Apart from that they’ve got no chance.

I’d say Manchester City second (under the proviso the dynamic of the dressing room is right), Chelsea third, Liverpool fourth and Arsenal fifth. Not being in Europe is a massive boost for Liverpool in terms of getting back into the top four.

At the other end, it’s almost impossible for Norwich and Swansea to be able to attract the kind of players that are going to help you stay in the league.

Blackburn also worry me. Players now just want to leave, I’m not sure what the owners are doing. I they'll regret sacking Sam Allardyce, no disrespect to Steve Kean. He could well be the first manager sacked: the owners have dropped him right in it. Once you start selling players without giving the manager the budget to buy you the kind of quality to keep you in the Premier League, he’s got no chance.

Top scorer’s a far more difficult one. I’d probably go with Wayne Rooney. Javier Hernandez had a really good season last year, but it will be a bit more difficult this year, because people will understand how he plays now.

I think Wolves will have a good season. They play for the manager, he knows what he’s doing, Roger Johnson’s been a good signing for him and Mick’s got a little bit more competition for places up front and in midfield.

What were they, 15 minutes away from relegation? I don’t think that will be a problem this season. I think they’ll be well clear of it.

You can’t keep selling your best players, as Aston Villa have done of late. I know they’ve signed Darren Bent, but they’ve taken away his supply line. The other problem for Alex McLeish is he’s come from the enemy, so if he makes a bad start that’s going to be a real problem. They might finish just short of half-way.

I think everybody is going to love watching Sergio Aguero. And I’m quite looking forward to seeing David de Gea, purely because balls come into the area in the Premier League completely differently than they do in La Liga. I’m sure he’ll be really, really good, but it’ll be interesting to see his approach.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Norwich, Swansea, Blackburn
Top scorer: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

Mark was talking about the forthcoming season at the Kinect Sports for Xbox 360 football event at the Sports Café, Central London

James Maw (@JamesMawFFT)
FourFourTwo's online features editor

It's hard to look beyond Manchester United as champions, although if Carlos Tevez ends up staying at Manchester City they'll have a good shout. City will have to settle for being runners-up, followed by Chelsea then Liverpool. At the other end, assuming nothing massive changes, will be QPR, Swansea and Blackburn.

I'm not convinced Aston Villa will have a particularly good season, but given everything will be going through Darren Bent, he'll be a good shout for the Golden Boot. I've got a nagging feeling that Spurs may start slowly, particularly now they'll be playing catch-up in terms of games played and starting up at Old Trafford. Let's see how they react to that. Across North London, it'll be interesting to see how Arsenal fit in Gervinho, and more specifically what his arrival means for Theo Walcott.

I don't think Newcastle will do as badly as many others are suggesting. They're not the only side to lose players this summer, and they've brought in a few interesting-looking signings and hopefully Hatem Ben Arfa will be back from his latest knock sooner rather than later. They won't get near that top six from last season, but if they hit the ground running I think they could still finish in the top eight.

It pains me to say it, but Roberto Martinez could be the first manager in trouble if Wigan are struggling again, which doesn't exactly look unlikely given they've lost Charles N'Zogbia and not replaced him.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: QPR, Swansea, Blackburn
Top Scorer: Darren Bent (Aston Villa)

James Maw is FourFourTwo's online features editor and resident grumbly mumbler.

Charlotte Jackson (@CharLouJackson)
Sky Sports presenter

Manchester United are team to beat and have strengthened their squad and with good young players in Phil Jones, Ashley Young and David de Gea. Manchester City may need to replace Carlos Tevez, but they have the money to do so.

With Chelsea in transition with a new manager, Arsenal losing players, Spurs having made no signings and Liverpool having a few new players to bed in I think City will grind out wins and improve on last season's league position.

Chelsea still have an old squad, and a manager who's unknown in the Premier League – but they still have enough quality and experience to get third.

It's always tough for the side that comes up via the play-offs and I don't think it will be any different for Swansea. Despite being considered one of the richest clubs, QPR haven't made any significant signings and you always sense things could go wonky there. All the promoted sides will try and play the right way but with Norwich also not making any real proven Premier League signings I think they will struggle to get the goals to keep them up.

Rooney will be top scorer; he's due a good season. You have to think United will be the most consistently attacking side and with Hernandez injured for the start of the season, I'm going with Rooney.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Swansea, QPR, Norwich
Top Scorer: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

Charlotte Jackson is a Sky Sports and Al Jazeera presenter and 71 Degrees North co-host - charlottejackson.tv

Luke Moore (@LukeyMoore)
Football Ramble-r

Top Four, in order, will be Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea, Liverpool. Bottom three, not in order: Wigan, Blackburn and Swansea. Top scorer will be Manchester City's Sergio Aguero – the man is an all round superstar. Wonderful technique, superb speed and the nous to play a bit further forward than Carlos Tevez and cause absolute havoc. Just need to make sure Roberto Mancini doesn't tinker with him too much and that he gets enough games.

I think Fulham could have a decent season under Martin Jol as well; he's an astute manager with experience of doing pretty well in this division (something that's often overlooked), and has made a decent signing in John Arne Riise. If you look at the players they have at their disposal, they can easily challenge for a European place if they keep them fit: Mark Schwarzer, Brede Hangeland, Riise, Danny Murphy, Damien Duff, Clint Dempsey, Bobby Zamora.

Other business: Liverpool will be back to their old self and have a say in where the title goes this season. They play Chelsea in their last home game, and that could be huge.

Luke Moore is a member of The Football Ramble, an award-winning podcast released every Wednesday

Louis Massarella (@MassarellaFFT)
FourFourTwo commissioning editor

I can see Manchester City winning the title. Bonkers, I know. Especially after the Community Shield lesson (if that matters). But I think last season’s Champions League final is key. Manchester United were so far behind Barcelona, and what do they really have to prove by winning another Premier League title? Winning another Champions League is the only thing that can really reaffirm Fergie’s greatness. City, on the other hand, will have the hunger of winning their first league crown for ages. If Mario Balotelli stays fit and focused, if they can hold firm at centre-back and if Mancini can stop being so Italian and go for it a bit more (they have the players, after all), they can win it. Three big ifs, though...

People are getting carried away about Liverpool. Sure, there'll be a feelgood factor, but they have a lot of new players to bed in, and the majority of the new signings are unproven for any team used to anything above mid-table. Chelsea are still strong but needed to freshen up more in terms of personnel and tactics, and I'm not sure Andre Villas-Boas will be brave enough to risk upsetting all the big egos. Arsenal have been written off, but will have a point to prove. Still loads of clout going forward, Aaron Ramsey could be an adequate replacement for Cesc. They'll still be Champions League material if they sign a decent centre-back by the end of August. Why oh why did Wenger not sign Shay Given, though?!

Blackburn have sold Phil Jones, Jermaine Jones has gone back to Germany after loan spell and Chris Samba might have gone by the end of the month. And they’ve signed... Er... No, me either. Swansea will be well organised, have a plan and momentum. I'm just not sure they have the players to stay up (especially now QPR have signed a couple of decent strikers). The Toon, well, they’re always a crisis waiting to happen and have sold Kevin Nolan, Jose Enrique and could also lose Joey Barton. The players they have signed will also need time to bed in. The crowd’s anxiety, as usual, will get through to players and manager.

1. Man City 2. Man Utd 3. Chelsea 4. Arsenal
Relegated: Blackburn, Newcastle, Swansea
Top scorer: Luis Suarez (Liverpool)

Louis has worked for FourFourTwo for as long as anybody can remember

Kevin Coleman (@BPFootball)
Co-Editor, BackPageFootball.com

I've seen many people suggesting that it'll be another runaway title for Manchester United, but I firmly believe Manchester City can push them all the way. Given the amazing strength in depth up front and the quality in midfield, City have the ability to win the title.

However, I've a feeling it'll be one year too early for Mancini's men – given it's their first year having to tackle the busy Premier League/Champions League schedule, which takes a while to get used to. If Mancini can loosen the reins in some way and let the players express themselves, there'll only be a handful of points in it at the end of the season.

United have strengthened impressively this summer, not flaffing about and waiting for things to happen but going out and splashing the cash. They have the best wide players in the league, and with the quality of strikers and the possibility of Wesley Sneijder to complement them, it's really theirs to lose going into the start of the season.

It's easy to rule out Arsenal, seeing as they're about to sell Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri, but if Wenger can buy well this month it'll be foolish to write them off making the top four this season. Unfortunately for them, Liverpool have been busy this summer and have focused on their weaknesses – unlike Arsenal so far.

If Liverpool can keep Andy Carroll fit there's no question that he'll score goals. Liverpool now seem to have quality in numbers, and with the midfield that they have at the minute – with a solid enough back four – they have the goods to get back into the top four this season at the expense of Arsenal.

As for relegation, it's not an easy one to predict this year, given the quality of the sides coming up into the Premier League. I think QPR will be safe, and Swansea won't be too far behind them. Swansea may surprise a few this season, a la Blackpool last year, but I think they have the quality to sustain a decent performance throughout the season and survive the season. Norwich have some decent players but overall I don't think they have the quality to achieve anything more than a survival fight, and I expect them to be one of the three going down.

Wigan have done well to survive over the last couple of seasons, and were very lucky to beat the drop last season. Having sold one of their key players, Charles N'Zogbia, Wigan may fall further into the relegation battle and this year I don't think they can escape – especially if they replicate last season's poor form.

The last relegation position will probably be a final-day decider, but looking at Blackburn I just don't think they have the quality or the confidence to rise about last season's 15th place. With Phil Jones sold and Chris Samba possibly following him out the club, they've been severely dented and will be sucked in to a relegation battle with the likes of Wolves and Swansea, who should be safe.

Top scorer? Tough question this year, with a lot of quality candidates. Wayne Rooney will be there or thereabouts as he is every year, as will Luis Suarez, Andy Carroll, Darren Bent, Carlos Tevez if he stays and Fernando Torres, who I think will explode this season. But my nod goes to Javier Hernandez, who I think is one of the most natural goalscorers there is anywhere in Europe at the minute. If he plays, even if it's only a matter of coming off the bench, he'll score goals.

1. Man Utd 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Norwich, Wigan, Blackburn
Top Scorer: Javier Hernandez (Man United)

BackPageFootball.com provides a variety of football articles from a number of different people, be they young journalists or armchair fans.

Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8)
BBC Radio Five Live, Daily Mirror, etc

Champions will be Man United, without any doubts. I think City will push them close this year. For the top four I’m going for United, City, Chelsea, Liverpool; I think Arsenal will slip out. For relegation, I’m going to go for Swansea, Blackburn and QPR. For other strugglers, you’ve got to look at Norwich, and possibly Villa: McLeish has done well for Birmingham, but he’s going to be under massive pressure.

Wayne Rooney will be top scorer, but I'm looking forward to watching Adel Taarabt. I think he’ll surprise people, I think he'll struggle. In the Championship he looked like a was a world-beater but it's going to be a big season for him to show people if he can do it in the Premier League. He struggled at Spurs, so let's see how good he really is. You can’t be that good in the Championship and fail in the Premier League.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Swansea, Blackburn, QPR
Top scorer: Wayne Rooney (Man United)

Robbie Savage was launching npower’s Club 72 interactive website. How many of the 72 Football League stadiums have you visited?

Gary Parkinson (@GaryParkinson)
FourFourTwo.com editor

For the thick end of two decades, barring an interregnum imposed by Jose Mourinho's Chelsea, it has been a surprise if Manchester United aren't champions. No alarms this year, either. Alex Ferguson has once again bought players who improve the strength of the team and depth of the squad without threatening the structure of the club, including laying the groundwork for the medium-term replacement of the Vidic/Ferdinand defensive axis. Their only problem is in goal, where they must hope David de Gea is more of a Pepe Reina than a Ricardo.

Noisy neighbours Manchester City will hope to have Fergie banging on the wall but the domestic din will taper off. From spring Roberto Mancini may focus more on the Champions League, and he may be right to; City have the players to win any one-off, but not many of them have the experience and belief necessary to get the uglier wins in less glamorous fixtures.

For that reason, I think Chelsea will finish runners-up. As the Stamford Bridge old guard gird their loins for one last job, you can imagine them grinding past City in the league (and possibly Europe) – as long as they don't lose faith in the new manager, as they seem to have done with his predecessors.

Fourth place is up for grabs, as is thankfully becoming the norm. After doing what they do best – buying young forwards, selling maturing assets, ignoring defensive crises – Arsenal will score and concede with pleasing regularity; if he can stay fit, Robin van Persie's a good Golden Boot bet. Spurs will be up the right end, as long as Harry Redknapp doesn't lie back and think of England, and Everton will make their annual organised charge from just slightly too far back. To their chagrin, neighbours Liverpool look to have the squad, management, ownership and Europe-free fixture list to push on; their development may be measured by how long they stay in the title race.

Down at the tradesmen's exit, it could be a disastrous season for Lancashire. Blackburn seem in disarray under new management, Wigan can't survive forever on Roberto Martinez's top-flight average of 1.06 points per game, and Bolton face a tough start without their two best players (three if Gary Cahill goes). This season's Big Clubs Facing Trouble could be Newcastle and Villa, while the three promoted sides will face some soul-searching if it goes wrong: billionaire-backed QPR have spent nothing, Norwich may get vertigo and Swansea's passing patterns may not bedazzle the country's elite. But they'll offer some surprises, and that's a good thing, right?

1. Man United 2. Chelsea 3. Man City 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Blackburn, Wigan, Norwich

Gary Parkinson is FourFourTwo.com editor and guitar-slinging festival-botherer.

Jon Champion
ESPN football commentator

Manchester United will win the Premier League again, followed in descending order by Manchester City, Chelsea and Arsenal.

QPR will be relegated unless there’s a radical change in ownership. It would be very easy to say Swansea and Norwich will join them, but Wigan, Blackburn and, if they get off to a bad start, Newcastle could also be in for a tricky season.

1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Arsenal
Relegated: QPR, Norwich, Swansea
Top scorer: Robin van Persie (Arsenal)

ESPN football commentator Jon Champion will be previewing each weekend's Premier League action here for FourFourTwo at Champion's League

Huw Davies (@weekspotblog)
FourFourTwo staff writer

It may be said every year, but the new Premier League season looks like being one of the most unpredictable yet – top and bottom. It’s hard to see anyone doing a Lady Godiva and streaking away with the title; Manchester United are favourites as ever, but they have to adapt to a changing squad. That includes a talented but inexperienced goalkeeper who will have less of a nerve-settling aura about him than the departed Edwin van der Sar. Ashley Young and Phil Jones – and also Tom Cleverley, returning from an accomplished loan spell at Wigan – appear ready to slot right into an otherwise settled team, however, and a 20th title looks likely.

Likely, but not guaranteed. Chelsea and Manchester City will be hacking away at United’s ladder with money-made machetes. Teams will especially fear Chelsea as Andre Villas-Boas is something of an unknown quantity: no English side has ever faced one of his outfits. Tactical change will be gradual rather than dramatic, but if they can overcome Stoke at the Britannia in their first game, expect a flying start from then on.

Sergio Aguero is a fantastic signing for Man City, and few other changes were needed in a solid squad. They often relied on a bit of spark from Carlos Tevez and David Silva last season, though, and they’ll need the pair on form and interested throughout the season.

Liverpool will pip Arsenal to fourth, no doubt. But if he keeps fit, Robin van Persie could be a good shout for the Golden Boot. Top scorers always need the service, so it’d be a big surprise if it wasn’t someone from the top five, and one player who will receive plenty of service, with the ability to create his own goals, is Luis Suarez. The Golden Boot should be his.

Down at the bottom, all three of the promoted teams have weak areas that can be exploited, but QPR look in the biggest trouble, being unable to build much on their Championship-winning team.

For the first time in years, everyone's tipping Blackburn for the drop – and they're right to. With an unproven, under-pressure manager having to handle his clueless owners asking him to buy Lionel Messi for £5 and a bargain bucket, he’ll have too much on his plate to lead his team to good results, and is a strong bet for the first managerial casualty too (depending on the situation at QPR).

Wigan may well join Rovers in the Championship. Roberto Martinez has a good team spirit going that helped the Latics to pull safety out of the bag last term, but you have to question the squad's quality at front and back. There are serious concerns over their defence, and with Charles N’Zogbia gone they need someone to step up and help Hugo Rodallega carry the goals burden.

Elsewhere, Aguero will be one to watch, but keep an eye on Edin Dzeko too. He has the talent to justify his stupendous transfer fee, and with some pre-season goals under his belt, the confidence too.

For a surprise package, in the exciting Chung-Yong Lee’s enforced absence through injury, look no further than Aaron Ramsey. With a run of games he could be prove himself to be as crucial to Arsenal’s midfield as Jack Wilshere. Don’t pin too many hopes on either Jordan Henderson or Charlie Adam though: they may find it hard to hold down a place in Liverpool’s midfield.

One final prediction: Darren Bent to score an England hat-trick by this time next year. You heard it here first (ish).

1. Man United 2. Chelsea 3. Man City 4. Liverpool
Relegated: QPR, Blackburn, Wigan
Top Scorer: Luis Suarez (Liverpool)

Huw Davies is FourFourTwo's staff writer and the office blame-magnet.

------------------------------------
In brief: Twitter predictions

Daniel Taylor (@DTguardian)
Guardian football writer, author of Deep into the Forest, This is the One and Squeaky Bum Time
1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Swansea, QPR, Blackburn
Top scorer: Wayne Rooney (Man United)

Joe Scarborough (@JoeNBC)
MSNBC's "Morning Joe" news anchor
1. Chelsea 2. Man United 3. Man City 4. Liverpool
Relegated: Swansea, West Brom, Wigan
Top scorer: Wayne Rooney (Man United)

Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague)
Sky Sports, AS, The Times, Five Live, Talksport, GuillemBalague.com
1. Man City 2. Man United 3. Chelsea 4. Liverpool
Relegated: QPR, Norwich, Wolves
Top Scorer: Luis Suarez (Liverpool)

Chris O'Dowd (@BigBoyler)
Actor (The IT Crowd, Bridesmaids, The Boat That Rocked, etc)
1. Liverpool 2. Man United 3. Man City 4. Chelsea
Relegated: Swansea, Norwich, Blackburn.
Top Scorer: Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)

Oliver Kay (@OliverKayTimes)
Football Correspondent for The Times
1. Man United 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Arsenal
Relegated: Blackburn, Norwich, QPR
Top scorer: Wayne Rooney (Man United)

Weekender: Riots, billionaires and Mr Brightside

2011-08-12T11:18:00Z

1. Rioting threatens stately Villa home
Aston Villa will be glad their game at Fulham has the go-ahead despite the rioting. They wouldn’t want to start their season next weekend against Blackburn at Villa Park: in each of their first league games after the 1981 Brixton riot, the 1985 Broadwater Farm riot and the 1990 Poll Tax riot, they lost 2-1 at home. On the other hand, social unrest brings the best out of Norwich, Shrewsbury, Portsmouth and Hartlepool, who won their first league games after each of those three riots.

2. Winning isn’t everything for Norwich & Wigan
Norwich needn't fret if they lose their opener at Wigan. The Canaries lost at home to Watford on the first day of last term, before bouncing back to gain promotion. This came 12 months after the Norfolk outfit were infamously gubbed 7-1 at home by Colchester, whoe manager Paul Lambert switched sides and led them to the title. Wigan, meanwhile, avoided the drop last season having started with a 4-0 home humping by Blackpool, who ended up relegated. In fact, the Latics have won just one of their six Premier League openers – in 2009/10, when they mustered their lowest top-flight points haul. Perhaps they’ll both try to lose.

3. Not everything comes to those who wait
If Aston Villa boss Alex McLeish shakes hands with Fulham skipper Aaron Hughes at Craven Cottage tomorrow, he may do so with a twinge of jealousy. On Wednesday, Hughes finally broke his international scoring duck on his 77th appearance – the same number of caps Big Eck got without ever troubling the scoresheet. You could argue it's a defender thing – Arne Friedrich bagged his first goal for Germany on his 77th appearance, which happened to be a World Cup quarter-final, while Fabio Cannavaro waited until cap 78 – but perhaps nobody has been more patient than Greece anchorman Theo Zagorakis, who scored on his 101st international outing.

4. What's eating Neil Warnock?
With Ian Holloway away there's a Premier League vacancy for a chirpy soundbite-machine, and Neil Warnock may fancy his chances. However, unlike Blackpool's Mr Brightside, the Yorkshireman has tended toward the irascible during his ill-fated one-season top-flight campaigns. In 1992 his Notts County side were relegated after selling star strikers Paul Rideout and Tommy Johnson to help fund a Meadow Lane revamp, and in 2006 his beloved Sheffield United went down amid acrimony and court cases over the Carlos Tevez transfer and a limp Liverpool line-up at drop-dodging Fulham. Our prediction for this season's bugbear: skinflint billionaires.

5. Baggies know best
If you want a scoreline tip, speak to a West Midlander. Analysis of the data from Sky Sports' weekly Super 6 predictor game shows that West Brom fans were the most accurate tipsters in the Premier League, followed by Birmingham and Wolves. West Ham fans were the most misguided, with tips from Fulham and Newcastle fans also to be ignored.

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The return of football heralded the end of all civilisation – but for once it wasn’t the people’s game to blame for the world’s ills. Huzzah!

The Football League kicked off last Friday evening, with newly-relegated Blackpool triumphing over not-so-newly-relegated Hull City in a match that failed to raise the pulse. But things cranked up a notch on Saturday, with Southampton dispatching Leeds in a highly-impressive 3-1 victory, big-spending Leicester scraping a narrow 1-0 win at Coventry, and Brighton coming from behind to win their first competitive game at the Amex Community Stadium 2-1 against Doncaster.

In League One, Phil Brown went from orange to red, and then maybe green, as his Preston side were humbled 4-2 at home to Colchester, while there was frustration for the Football League’s new boys, with late goals seeing Wimbledon defeated by Bristol Rovers and Crawley held by Port Vale.

There was still time for Sam Allardyce’s West Ham all-stars to be defeated by Cardiff, before Manchesters United and City did battle in what we’re obliged to call the ‘traditional season curtain raiser’ at Wembley. City blustered into a two-goal lead, only to let it slip, with Nani turning the game on its head with two goals in a 3-2 win for the Premier League champions. And to think people claim City are losing their identity...

While the League Cup was partly interrupted by flatscreen-pilfering scrotes, there was still time for Premier League ejectees Derby, Hull, Portsmouth and Blackpool to be sent packing by lower-league ragamuffins Shrewsbury, Macclesfield, Barnet and Sheffield Wednesday.

Don’t let the world get you down – football’s back.

Dons and Bankies stand up against the franchises
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Pass masters Swansea quietly confident back in the big time
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Lyon back to basics with Arsène Wenger protégé Rémi Garde
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One derby, two English managers, 120,000 fans
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Leicester need to lead their marathon from the front
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Uncle Jurgen Wants You (To Help Build The USA Team)
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Sporting chance can bring the community together
Football found itself in an unusual position this week. Where there is public disorder our game has frequently been cited as the cause rather than the cure, but at the Nottingham derby – covered by FourFourTwo for a feature in the next issue – there was a pleasing glimpse of the potential for football to bring society together.

The game might not have gone ahead, with rioting around the country and an arson attack on a police station less than two miles from the City Ground, but the good folk of Nottingham were determined to have their first derby for 17 years. Expressing vocal disgust at the malcontents and joining for chants celebrating their fair city, the united fans gave a powerful demonstration of the power of football to do good.

This is neither the time nor place to go into the sociological reasons for the unrest, but suffice it to say that sport has always provided an escape route from deprivation, be it in a Brazilian favela or a British inner-city sink estate. Almost every documentary filmed about the urban underclass features the boxing-club owner giving the kids "somewhere to spend that energy" or the football club coach giving them "something to keep them off the streets". Pity, then, that the recent cuts have seen the closure of so many similar social schemes.

Pity also that the undoubted gentrification of the professional game has taken it far from the reach of many in the new generation. Nobody wants a return to the bad old days but there's little doubt that identifying with your local team helps social cohesion. It's harder to smash your town up when you've travelled the country singing its praises.
– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com editor

We're busily transferring 15 years of FFT interviews to our online archive. Among the 400 we've uploaded so far:

"How do people find the time to Twitter?"
– Web exclusive, Jun 2010: Jeff Stelling

"Coming from Bath, I supported Manchester United"
– Boy's A Bit Special, May 2007: Scott Sinclair

"I shouldn’t say this, but the atmosphere at White Hart Lane is very good"
– Q&A, Mar 2011: Samir Nasri

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Chris Mayer, Scott Simpkin and fishfingers 'n' beans

Weekender: Tweets, Wombles, stalking horses and balls

2011-08-05T09:32:00Z

1. Pride comes before...
After waiting 35 years for a trophy, Man City are chasing their second in three months against their neighbours in the Community Shield. Victory would doubtless be heralded as a new (blue) moon rising and evidence of City's title credentials – and indeed on 19 occasions the Shield winners have gone on to win the league, while 1978 winners Nottingham Forest and 1980 winners Liverpool went one better by winning the European Cup. But there's a warning from history: the 1937 League champions won the Shield and promptly got themselves relegated in 1938. The team? Manchester City...

2. Wombles start bright and early
Perhaps the most eagerly anticipated match of the weekend will come at Kingsmeadow, where AFC Wimbledon host Bristol Rovers in their first match in the Football League (or the first since their return, depending on how you look at it). The omens are good for the Dons, as they have won their first match in eight of the nine seasons since their re-birth, going on to complete five promotions. And winning on the first day doesn't hurt: all four English champions last season won their opening fixtures.

3. Bring out the Branston (again)
If making your first appearance for a new club is a real buzz, there can’t be many bigger footballing thrill-seekers than Guy Branston. Despite never playing a game for first club Leicester City, Branston has since gone on to debut for 15 different clubs in a career spanning 14 years – (deep breath) Rushden & Diamonds, Colchester, Plymouth, Lincoln, Rotherham, Wycombe, Peterborough, Sheffield Wednesday, Oldham, Rochdale, Northampton, Notts County, Kettering, Burton Albion and Torquay United. And on Saturday afternoon, he’s set to make it 16 when new club Bradford City host Aldershot.

4. Fewer subs, fewer balls, more homers
While the reduction in the number of substitutes permitted in Football League matches made headlines (and curiously seemed to boil Rohan Ricketts’ pee), you may have missed the other changes to the rulebook. From the start of 2012/13, managers in the Championship will be required to hold the UEFA A Licence and be working towards their UEFA Pro Licence within three years of their appointment, while managers in Leagues 1 and 2 must hold the UEFA B Licence. Meanwhile, the number of home-grown players clubs must include in their matchday squad is up from four out of 18 to six out of 16. The League have also banned the 'multi-ball' system to prevent any underhand shenanigans from ballboys.

5. Border raiders blunted
One of many proud Scots managing Premier League teams, Steve Kean this week brought his compatriot David Goodwillie south to score goals for Blackburn. But if the striker is to reach double figures he'll have to exceed every Scot in the last half-decade: No son of the saltire has reached 10 Premier League goals since 2003-04, when a certain striker bagged 11 before moving to Blackburn himself. Can you name him? Answer at the bottom of the blog...

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Tough job, footballer. Being an economic migrant, you have to go where the work is, even if it's Manchester. After Carlos Tevez's earlier claim that the city only has two restaurants, Mario Balotelli showed his usual tact this week by saying "I am not happy in Manchester. I do not like the city... it is not to my tastes." Get down to the Lowry, lad, soak up some culture. It'll do you good.

Also on a northern charm offensive this week was Joey Barton. Never backward at coming forward, the Scouser continued to wage Twitter terror on Newcastle and was made available on a free transfer, although the two parties are now edging closer together on the settee of reconciliation. Barton's subsequent quotes from Georges Orwell and Washington – see, Mario, annotated footnotes maketh the thesis – weren't enough to prevent Newcastle issuing new contractual stipulations forbidding any players from discussing club matters on Twitter, on pain of strong tutting.

Rather more productively on everyone's favourite social news network – are you one of the 112,000 following FFT on there? – Stockport polled their fans on which striker to buy. Ignoring the inevitable japesters suggesting Leo Messi, the Hatters will now chase Fleetwood Town striker George Donnelly.

On the field, the UK's early starters had a mixed week. Hearts beat Paksi, Fulham beat RNK Split and Stoke won at Hajduk Split to reach the Europa League play-off round, where they'll be joined by Spurs, Celtic, Birmingham – and Rangers, beaten by Malmo in the Champions League qualifiers.

If the Gers were bemoaning their luck, at least they're not Bolton, whose thin squad has suffered two broken legs in a week. Perhaps the weary Wanderers are overtired: in an unseasonal story, Sven-Göran Eriksson and various England players have already started parping on about needing a winter break. We're sure the clubs would agree: it'd be an excellent opportunity to cram in another tour of Asia or America.

Manhattan transfers, margaritas, Becks & Red Bulls
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Didn't you used to be…?: Five forgotten footballers of La Liga
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Absence makes the Mart grow stronger
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PSG galactiques seek to put French football back on the map
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Charity might not begin at home
And so to the Shield, the "traditional curtain-raiser" which has gone through a number of changes. Originally professionals against amateurs, then contested between the champions of the Football League and Southern League, only settling to League champions v FA Cup winners in 1930 – and even since changing regularly, sporadically featuring England, an FA XI and even the Second Division champions. It didn't even settle at Wembley until 1974.

It'll be uprooted again next year, too, when the Olympic football tournament will be occupying the national stadium – plus the Millennium, Old Trafford, St James' Park, Hampden and the Ricoh Arena. So football chiefs will be looking around for somewhere to host it, a neutral place big enough to cope. How about China?

Like it or not, it's no secret that English football has long(ingly) been looking east at the burgeoning market there. Top teams tour; most have partners; some own local clubs outright. The EPL audience in East Asia is huge, lucrative and largely untapped; no wonder it was one of the destinations mooted for the controversial Game 39.

Quietly, there's already an official Premier League competition held out east – the biennial Asia Trophy, won this summer by Chelsea, one of 14 different EPL clubs to have taken part in it over the last decade. More would be welcomed.

It's not like Asia hasn't already hosted such one-offs: Club World Cup forerunner the Intercontinental Cup was held in Japan, then the boom economy, every year for the final quarter of the last century. And this very weekend, Internazionale and AC Milan contest the Italian Super Cup in Beijing.

The Italian and Spanish leagues have already experimented with altered kick-off times designed to catch the oriental market – and so did the English in 2005, when Li Tie's struggling Everton took on Sun Jihai's mid-table Man City in an 11.15am kick-off watched by something like half a billion Chinese. The next step, as already taken by the Serie A suits, is to take the game to the audience. It'll be interesting to see if England follows, initially as an Olympic-forced one-off but quite conceivably as the Premier League's stalking horse.

There will be objections, from John Bull traditionalists to those inside the FA who'd rather like to chip away at the national stadium debt. But with Community Shield proceeds going to charities nominated by 140 clubs, who's to argue with a plan which could be enormously successful?
– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com editor

We're uploading 15 years of FFT interviews. Among the 400 up so far:

"To be in the elite league, you can't be a normal character"
– Web Exclusive, Mar 2011: Joey Barton

"I’m Superman, man. I don’t give away my weaknesses"
– Boy’s A Bit Special, Sep 2003: Wayne Routledge

"Why doesn't Becks buy Rotherham? Posh could shop at Meadowhall..."
– Sing When You're Winning, May 2009: Chuckle Brothers

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Lee Wilson, Ben Atkinson, Josh Robbins and Paul Dickov – the last Scot to reach double figures in the top flight

Meet the unreal Sepp Blatter

2011-08-02T16:18:00Z

In this month's FourFourTwo we interview five of the finest fakes on Twitter, from Berbatov to Blatter. This week on FourFourTwo.com we'll bring you the full interviews – starting with FIFA chief Sepp Blatter, as portrayed by Texan photocopier service specialist Zach Woosley...

FFT: When did you decide to make the fake Sepp account? And why?
Zach: It started as a joke, around the 2010 World Cup I believe. The level of frustration with Sepp Blatter ranges from comical remarks to outright anger. I thought it would be fun to make comments about him through an environment like Twitter. It started out as a joke; then people started paying attention to it and follow it, which surprised me because it was just me having fun.

FFT: So are you a big football fan or did you see an opportunity because people find Blatter particularly interesting?
Zach: Oh no, I’m a big soccer fan. Here in the US I blog about soccer for SBNation.com, so I’m very much into the sport.

FFT: So what do you do as a job? And how much time do you dedicate to the Blatter account?
Zach: My real job in life is working in a copy machine servicing company. It’s usually one of those things were I don’t devote a ton of time to it, I’ll be on twitter a lot. So I’ll look for a story that involves Sepp Blatter and if I see he says something about it I'll spend a few minutes trying to say a few funny things. If I get bored, sometimes I’ll jump on Twitter and see what people are saying about it – search his name and if people are making fun of him or blaming him it’s fun to respond to active people.

FFT: Do you feel a responsibility to update every so often or is it whenever the mood takes you?
Zach: I try to say something at least once every couple of days. The key to Twitter is to remain interesting. If you disappear people lose interest and it’s not fun anymore, but if people feel you're interacting with them and they might get a response… Twitter is cool in the sense that the bigger the account gets the more followers it gets, the more followers it gets the more fun it is to get retweeted or be talked to by bigger accounts. Part of its fun is that if people enjoy it and get a laugh out of it, then for me I feel responsible to make sure that it's active.

FFT: With that in mind do you ever feel nervous about having to impress? You could argue you’re a comedian, in a way…
Zach: Yeah, I sometimes try to be offensive in a comedic way: I've been making a few comments about members of the World Cup. I have a great respect for everyone in soccer but if Sepp Blatter could really say something then what might he say? There's pressure to be funny and to entertain and it's lucky that I seem to be decent at it because people are laughing and following so obviously I’m doing something right.

But I do worry. I’ll sit there, and I’ll work on a tweet and think "Is this funny? Are people gonna like it?" It's a nice feeling when people react to it. When they don’t, you think "Maybe that wasn’t so funny, let’s try something else."

FFT: Do you feel like it's trying to get inside Blatter’s mind? Is it important to set it up so it's feasibly said by Blatter? What’s that balance between the ridiculous and the believable?
Zach: Yeah, sometimes you just wanna be ridiculous because you wanna get a point across, For the most part, I’d like to think there’s a level of comedic realism to it: the idea that you could say "I can see him saying that… how great would it be if he did?"

FFT: Has anyone ever thought you were the real Blatter?
Zach: When I started the account it was actually called @FIFASepp, and I'd get angry tweets from people calling you names and expressing exactly how they felt about Blatter. So at first – and even sometimes now – you’ll get someone tweeting at the account and you’ll say "Do they realise it's fake?" I think they're probably being funny, but sometimes the written format is tougher.

FFT: When people thought you were the real Blatter, was it drawing a lot of hate and ranting?
Zach: Yeah! The interesting thing was you’d get reactions from everyone: American fans, English fans, others… I get tweets that have to be translated. But that’s the one element that has kind of gone away since the name change. Every once in a while, you can mess a little bit with people who may have thought that it was a real person but I think it's made the account better becoming fake: people take it less seriously and I think it allows them to relax and have more fun with it.

FFT: Have you had any criticism since people realised you were fake? Sometimes parody accounts get abuse for taking the mick…
Zach: Even though I'm sure at some level there are things that he has done that have benefited and helped the game, everything negative has changed everybody's opinion about him that he's almost the perfect guy to parody. Going after somebody that is universally disliked, you don’t have to deal with people who would be upset.

The only thing I've had is an automated email from Twitter: your name's been reported, you could be impersonating a real person, and you have x amount of days to change the name to something else and we will let the account continue. So I made the change and haven’t had a single word since. I think they realise the parody is a part of the Twitter world, as long as you're acting and not trying to portray yourself as that person.

FFT: What do you think Sepp would make of the account himself?
Zach: I'd like to think that if he did he'd have a laugh and realise that people were having fun. Then again you never know, he's so universally disliked that it's hard to put yourself in that position, where virtually everything said and written about you is negative. But I’d like to think that maybe he sees it and gets a kick out of it because that would make it even more worthwhile – not that I'm trying to please SB, but if you're gonna parody somebody you'd hope to do it in a way that they might appreciate.

FFT: Is there one tweet you are especially proud of? Or indeed any you regret?
Zach: I don’t think there’s anything I really regretted because I've been careful never to try to personally attack anyone. Even when I'm picking on somebody who has said something to the account I'm always trying to make it funny – I don’t want people to get the idea that it is spiteful or mean.

FFT: What do you make of the other fake football twitter accounts? Do you ever communicate with the people behind them? Or have any views on them?
Zach: Occasionally you'll run into them – they'll tweet me and I’ll tweet back – but in a lot of cases I'm not impressed by them: I don’t think they're that funny. Then again, it’s a personal thing: if you really don’t like the person, and your expectation is to go out there and make them sound rude or disgusting, not everybody may agree with that but that’s your right to do so. In the end, I'm trying to entertain people. Because I'm not making money or getting fans, the fact you guys are talking to me about it cracks me up! It's cool, but I'm doing it for fun – it's growing well beyond anything I thought it would ever be.

FFT: Some fakes are just too crude. What does make a successful parody?
Zach: Some people like that humor and that works, but in the more public format that’s not generally creative: anyone can curse or say something offensive, but to say something funny without having to resort to dropping foul language or saying disgusting things requires a higher level of creativity.

Also I think it’s a matter of being consistent, making sure that you're keeping it updated and responding. I've seen some which never seem to interact with people. But you know that’s what people need do to make it seem real – it makes it seem alive. I think that would increase the popularity of it. One of the best ones going is the fake Dimitar Berbatov. They’re interacting with people, saying things that are absurd, but it's not like a shock guy. It's just being funny and you can look into it and see the person saying that, or like to think that’s how they would act.

FEATURE, Mon 1 Aug: Meet the unreal Dimitar Berbatov

FFT: What was it like starting up for you? Is it a slow process? Drawing followers or does it roll quite quickly?
Zach: It’s kinda slow, you start it but there’s so much going on on Twitter – that’s the funny thing about it. I use Twitter primarily for following soccer, for my writing; you get focused into that little world and you don’t really expand beyond that.
I've found that the best way is to follow people that you know, or talk to, that tweet a lot and are active, who people follow. And you hope that maybe they will follow you or retweet something you say.

That’s the key: you've gotta get noticed – I've been helped immensely by several football writers here in America especially, who have caught onto the account and retweeted it and all it takes is a couple big accounts with a lot of followers to catch one of your good tweets and send it out to their followers and that helps get it going. You’ll be taking your time and then all of a sudden it picks up. Once a couple of big-name accounts retweet or someone writes about you, then it starts picking up steam real quick.

FFT: One last question: What does the future hold for the Fake Sepp Blatter?
Zach: That’s the only thing about Fake Sepp that’s bad: once he leaves FIFA, he’s already said he thinks there’s going to be a lot of turmoil. I think at that point the account starts to lose a little of its potential because as long as he is at the head of FIFA then he’s in the news and he’s relevant. The time it really gets fun is when major events are going on. I’d like to hopefully make it through maybe one more World Cup...

For more from the fake Tweeters – including exclusive portraits of the men behind the accounts – see the September issue of FourFourTwo magazine

Meet the unreal Dimitar Berbatov

2011-08-01T16:26:00Z

In this month's FourFourTwo we interview five of the finest fakes on Twitter, from Berbatov to Blatter. This week on FourFourTwo.com we'll bring you the full interviews – starting with everyone's favourite languid Bulgarian, Dimitar Berbatov, as created by designers Adam Bright (27) and Joe Burke (25)...

Q: When did you decide to make the account and how did it come about?
Adam: We thought the Phil Brown Twitter account was brilliant when we first read it, and then towards the end it was just him swearing… So we thought "It’s a good idea, why don’t we do one?" Also, we’re both United fans, we both like Berbatov, and we both thought he’s so easy to satirise.
Joe: He’s never in the press or getting things wrong.
Adam: So we just thought we’d do a silly one. It was the Phil Brown one that inspired us initially.

Q: It was always going to be Berbatov? There weren’t any other temptations?
Adam: It was so off the cuff. One of us just went "Let’s do it," the other said "Alright then" and we just did it. We got our Head of Innovation, who’s really prolific on Twitter, to repost it, and a friend of mine who's also really big in social media planning reposted it. We got a couple of hundred [followers] straight away.

Q: So it kick-started quickly...
Adam: To be honest we only wanted to see if we could get a thousand. It was more like an experiment and then it just snowballed really. I think when it first really kicked on was when The Sun or The Mirror did a Top 10 and it just kicked off. Now we’re on nearly 40,000 and as soon as you tweet there’s so many retweets.

Q: You could say you’re comedians; is there a kind of stage fright?
Adam: Recently we haven’t tweeted as much because it’s getting a lot harder as we go on. I think we’ve set quite a good standard of what the tweets are like and I think they are quite good, and we can’t really go back on that. We use all brands which fit in with Berbatov: what car would he drive?
Joe: My favourite thing about him is that he’ll never ever, ever talk about football.

Q: How many people do you get thinking you’re real?
Joe: About 50%.
Adam: I think more than that. I think most people don’t really get Twitter, so they just assume and think everyone is official.
Joe: They start worshipping for a while and you see the tweets begging for a retweet and then the next day they’re "I found out you’re a fake". They get really annoyed.
Adam: Loads of them are foreign, so I think that’s how it gets lost in translation.

Q: Had any requests from people who think you're real?
Adam: We get the odd one but it’s mainly retweets. We don’t really read many of the retweets, we don’t really get time, we just see how many retweets it gets. We love following how many followers there are though. When it was getting to 30,000 we sacked off half a day trying to get retweets and people to follow us.
Joe: You can look at the start when you’ve got like 500 followers to see who was actually following you, which is quite interesting because there were people like Will Carling and there were a load of cricketers as well. They were loving it.

Q: Have you had any complaints? Unlike most fake Twitter accounts, you don't have a disclaimer…
Adam: Our MD tried to play a prank on us; he pretended there was a letter from Man United threatening legal action, but we rumbled him quite quickly. And no, we haven’t had anything apart from that.
Joe: Ferguson was talking about us, saying about how no Man United players were Twitter.
Adam: Literally the day after we got put in The Sun, a Man United press release said their players do not use social media. I think they don’t mind now, but at the time they were pretty much "No one’s allowed to use it".

Q: It’s interesting that Twitter haven’t been in touch.
Adam: The first thing we did was to say we don’t want it to be slanderous. It's just a really obvious satire and not really about football. Even if Berbatov saw it and read it we’d hope he’d find it quite funny and obviously a joke. And if anyone does believe it’s real, it’s a bit silly.

Q: What do you think he’d make of it?
Joe: I don’t know because I don’t know anything about Dimitar Berbatov.
Adam: We’ve seen these pictures of him but then I’ve seen other ones and I’m thinking he looks a bit like a chav. I think he’s actually a bit of a Bulgarian chav.
Joe: The only bit of his character I’ve ever seen is when he did the Godfather impression and he seemed a bit timid at the time. I honestly do, even though I’m a big Man United fan, we both are, I can’t remember an interview with him.
Joe: In all of them he’s an enigma, isn’t he?

Q: If lots of people think it's real, you're kind of raising his profile...
Adam: We’ve had a few people in pubs tell us about Berbatov on Twitter, and we’re like "That’s us!".

Q: What makes a successful parody account? Are there rules you’ve got to follow?
Joe: Don’t oversaturate it. Don’t over-tweet. We created our tweets quite nicely and we didn’t flood it too much.
Adam: There’s a few people we follow who you don’t bother reading most of the stuff – you stream through it all. But then there’s one or two people that you will just look at it, whatever it is, because it’s always something quite good. Hopefully we want to be quite a good tweet. It was one every other day but now we do it like two a week because we’re quite busy at the moment. We also try and link it with what’s going on as well and whenever the season ends he always goes away for a month or two because we always he’s say going yachting. For the royal wedding, it was the Chelsea game that weekend he tweeted "Oh good, I’m in London for the royal wedding".

Q: Are there any that you think don’t get it right?
Adam: Most of them, the majority. Some of them don’t work: all they do is tweet loads, and they just mention other footballers. Even the Phil Brown one… it’s funny to think that Phil Brown swears all the time and he's always in a dressing gown or something like that, that’s funny, but that's as far is it went really.

Q: Would you ever consider doing another one?
Joe: The only other one we put any thought into was a grumpy teenager in our office who never spoke – but that would obviously only be funny in our office.
Adam: There are so many fake football Twitters, I don’t know if you could just start over again: if you took any popular player, there’d probably be a fake one already. I’d quite like to do another one like [Masterchef judge] John Torode or somebody like that – just someone who’s a weird character with some underlying clashes.

Q: Which fake Twitter accounts do you really like?
Joe: Big Sam.
Adam: I’ve only really seen a few of them but I honestly don’t think any are as good as ours. Joe: Someone referenced Big Sam and Berbatov the other day when they were talking to their friend about starting one up. And he was like, “Who shall I choose?” He picked Demba Ba. I mean, why? I think El-Hadji Diouf would be funny to read, a total a**hole.
Adam: You can’t take someone who’s too popular or famous. I think Berbatov worked because he’s at a massive club and was a big transfer but he’s not a massive character and isn’t in the press a lot, so I think people are kind of interested. I think it’s quite seductive and people really buy into it. I think it needs to be someone who’s not too prolific. Like a Rio Ferdinand one I don’t think would work – he’s a bit of a plonker anyway.

Q: How important is it do you think to strike that balance between absurdity and realism? Do you think people have to think that really could be him or could you to an extent write anything and people think it’s funny because it’s Berbatov saying it?
Adam: I don’t think we’ve ever really gone for realism at all. We’ve always gone for it being slightly plausible. We think about maintaining the character, we don’t really care if people think it’s not real. We more want people to think it’s a funny Twitter account.

Q: Do you feel a responsibility to do it often?
Adam: We were forcing ourselves to do it every other day because we had so many followers but I think now it’s just when the opportunity presents itself or when something pops into our heads. It’s getting hard to make it funny.

Q: So what does the future hold?
Adam: I think it’d have to be right to continue it. Plus whatever is right for the satire, stick to that: we don’t want something that doesn’t really feel right when you think up something. It takes up your time and there's all the pressure of making it funny. I think if he went to Tottenham or somewhere like that, I don’t think we’d bother to be honest.
Joe: I’d love it if he went to Paris and he’d literally drop all his English heritage and start again.

Q: Start wearing a beret and cycling round?
Adam: Yeah! "This is what I’ve always dreamed of. I hate England…"

For more from the fake Tweeters – including exclusive portraits of the men behind the accounts – see the September issue of FourFourTwo magazine

Aguero: "I want to be a WAG"

2011-07-29T13:10:00Z

Argentine star and new Manchester City signing Sergio 'Kun' Aguero speaks to FourFourTwo back in January 2010 about his ambitions...

"What would I be if I wasn't a footballer?" Sergio Aguero bites his lip and pauses. Then a huge grin spreads across his face. "A footballer's wife."

There is a burst of laughter from the packed room on Madrid's Gran Via, the Spanish capital's equivalent of Oxford Street. Time to pull on a Versace number, slip into some Jimmy Choos and whack on the make-up? To hook a Gucci handbag over one arm and take a professional footballer on the other? "Well," says Aguero as the giggles die down, "footballers' wives do have a good life, don't they?"

It is the last question FourFourTwo puts to Sergio 'Kun' Aguero and it is the first really clear glimpse of the mischief that characterises him, as if a mask has slipped. Until now, he has been softly spoken, quiet, almost imperceptible in his whispering Argentinian accent. Yet it is fitting too and not totally unexpected. There is something appropriate about Aguero's nickname coming from Kum Kum, the naughty Japanese cartoon caveman.

There's little doubt that Aguero enjoys playing to the crowd, both on and off the pitch. He's not fond of interviews, true, but look at his cameo with Argentinian band Los Leales; witness the mischievous smile, the glow, before and after the interview.

Although his responses are cautious, there's a sparkle in Aguero's eye. There is also a grain of truth in the response – about the way that football has engulfed his life. For the man whose father-in-law is Diego Maradona, football has always been his calling. The youngest of seven brothers, he recalls Saturdays spent playing five matches with five different neighbourhood teams. "At the age of 12, I would spend the day crossing Buenos Aires. At noon, I'd play the first game, the next one would be at 3.30, and then there'd be a game at five, another at 6.15 and the last one at eight."

"I couldn't live without a ball," he told El Pais. "I played for the love of the game. I was born to gambetear, to dribble. It's dribbling that gives me life." So perhaps it's not surprising he should stick to what he knows. Can't be a footballer? Be a footballer's wife. Can't be a footballer's wife? Be an agent.

As the tape is switched off and the microphone unhooked, Aguero is released. He stretches, flashes a smile at his agent and jokes that, actually, that wouldn't be bad either. Getting paid to watch football, letting others do the work and taking 20 percent? Job's a good 'un.

Surely not as good as actually playing the game, though. Definitely not as good as playing it like Aguero does.

At 21, he is, as he repeatedly insists, just a "chico", a kid. It is a pertinent reminder – one that makes his rise even more remarkable and is driven home when he names Carlos Tevez as a boyhood hero. Because Aguero is some kid: a kid with a kid of his own. A kid with six years' professional experience, having broken Maradona's Argentinian record by making his league debut at 15 years and 35 days of age, who has already racked up more than 120 league games for Atletico Madrid and scored nearly 50 goals. One with the potential to become the world's best player.

Aguero's son, Maradona's grandson...he could be useful

The question now is whether he will have to leave his current club to reach that summit. Or rather, when. It may hurt Atletico Madrid fans but Aguero is too big for them. If, as he admits, he wants to be recognised as the best in the world... well, he'll surely have to go elsewhere.

Just ask Didier Drogba, who after Atletico's 2-2 Champions League draw with Chelsea – a game in which Aguero came from the bench to score both goals, remarked: "The only word I can use to describe Aguero is spectacular. I don't want to disrespect Atletico but great players end up at great clubs."

Better still, ask Fernando Torres, the last great player to leave the Calderon and never look back. Those who insist that Aguero's form has dipped – and in the opening weeks it had – would be well advised to recall Torres. The rut he found himself in had a name: Atletico Madrid. Analyse Aguero's symptoms and the diagnosis is the same: a team that has had nine coaches in six years, a club with no stability and no continuity, frustration, a lack of fitness. At Anfield, Torres has become arguably the planet's best striker; move on and, he believes, Aguero could too.

"Aguero is growing quicker than Atletico Madrid," Torres said in March, "and there will come a time when he realises he has to leave." With Atletico out of Europe and lurching from crisis to crisis, that time may have already arrived.

According to Atletico's owner Miguel Angel Gil Marin, Chelsea offered £42m for Aguero in the summer and although Stamford Bridge sources insist there was no formal bid, there is no denying their interest. Alex Ferguson admitted that he looked at Aguero but decided that at €60m – the value of his buy-out clause – he was too expensive. As Carlo Ancelotti acknowledges. "Every big club has looked at him."

Chelsea could do a lot worse than look at him again right now. Ban looming, this winter window is a last chance. Aguero could be the perfect foil for Drogba, scorer of two goals against Atletico in the Champions League. After the game, Ancelotti was asked if he would like to see the game's outstanding players together. As Chelsea's press officer buried his head in his hands, Ancelotti smiled. "Yes," he said. "Very much. I think Aguero could play with Drogba very well, for sure." Drogba agreed.

Aguero evades Chelsea, not for the last time

If Chelsea must move swiftly, other Premier League clubs can wait. They may find Atletico receptive, too. President Enrique Cerezo has expressed his pride at resisting bids but chief exec Gil Marin claims that, €300m in debt, the club are "paying" for not selling Aguero before. The player too would welcome an approach. More importantly, Aguero is a phenomenal player. Like every Argentinian kid, he has been dubbed the New Maradona. But with an *rse the size of the Calderon, bulging thighs and low balance, with the ability to roll challenges and accelerate away in tight spaces, there is actually more of Brazilian striker Romario about him. Except that Aguero's game is more energetic, more powerful, more athletic. This is a man who can jump – 60cm from stationary; who scores headers as well as volleys.

Aguero is targetman and playmaker rolled into one. In the hole? He has played much of the last two years as Atletico's most advanced player, ahead of Diego Forlan, providing an outlet for the long ball – scampering into space to collect or withstanding challenges to bring the ball down and others into play. Or, indeed, going it alone as he did on the occasion when he single-handedly destroyed Barcelona 4-2 in March 2008, with two stunning solo goals and two assists.

It was the perfect illustration of a talent he says is "natural". It was as if his whole game had been wrapped into one 90-minute package. "His cut-backs, dribbling and chips are works of art," lauded one newspaper, "Kun is a virtuososo who's worth the entrance fee. He destroys his opponents with pace and strength, spilling creativity, ingenuity and pure talent all over the pitch."

In 2007-08 he was Spain's Player of the Year, scoring 20 and dragging Atletico into the Champions League for the first time in over a decade. That 2008-09 – when he scored 17 and played a key role in Forlan winning the European Golden Boot – was seen as a disappointment merely illustrated how high the bar had been raised.

In short, Aguero is the kind of forward who, given the right conditions and the right support, can do everything with anyone. Drogba says he could play with Aguero. Torres already has. And so could Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen or Dimitar Berbatov; Robin van Persie, Eduardo or Andrey Arshavin; Emmanuel Adebayor, Craig Bellamy and his friend Carlos Tevez.

The question is, could he – would he – do it in the Premier League? Although he admits he watches games, he's reluctant to be drawn. In fact, FFT is warned to avoid the subject. There's interest from Italy too, with Maradona reportedly advising his son-in-law to head for Inter Milan.

"C'mere, you..."

But Aguero sees no reason why he shouldn't succeed. The doubts have been dispatched before: going to England should prove no greater than the leap from Argentina to Spain days after his 18th birthday. Has he got the talent, the temperament, the consistency, and the strength to grace the Premier League? Listening to him, it's clear Aguero believes the answers are yes, yes, yes, and yes. As for the pressure, what pressure? The day he arrived in Madrid it took him 15 minutes to walk the 100 metres to his car, having a son with Maradona's daughter has seen the paparazzi follow his every move and the sports pages crank up the expectations, yet he remains unmoved. "Besides, you should see the way fans react in Argentina!" he laughs.

As for his age, that is, he says, an advantage. "Clubs prefer a young player than someone who's 26 or 27. They know that someone who's 19, 20, 21 comes with a better state of mind and in better shape. A 27-year-old turns up thinking, 'Well, I played there, and there'; he's done it. Young players are learning all the time and progressing – they're more adaptable."

Coming to Europe, alone and unprepared, Aguero certainly adapted. "It was hard. It's a new life, a new league, a new country, without your family," he says, "but you get used to it and you grow stronger." Physically and mentally. He admits that Atletico obliged him to fight and defend, whereas in Argentina he just jogged back. He has become a more competitive player.

"Players in England are bigger," he admits "In Argentina, you dribbled and you got away; in Europe, the defenders are beasts. You beat one and there's another on top of you. Against Madrid in my first season, Fabio Cannavaro booted me about but that's life. And if I get hit, what am I going to say? If they hit you, you take it." He might be short but he is a tough little b*st*rd. "If I score goals in the air," he says, "it's because I've got a hard head and I don't mind getting in there."

This is a man – a kid – who could adapt to everything that English football has to throw at him. And if there's one aspect of English football you know he can take in his stride as he grins and disappears onto Madrid's busiest shopping street, it's the WAG culture. Whether his wife can is another matter entirely.

Interview: Simon Talbot. From the January 2010 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

The world-famous Season Preview: Bigger and better than ever

2011-07-28T18:26:00Z

What's that smell in the air? It's excitement. Because the new season is upon us, and nothing says "new season" like the legendary, world-famous FourFourTwo Season Preview.

Since its introduction in 1998, the Season Preview has marked the beginning of a new campaign – with all its hopes and fears. And this supplement – which comes exclusively with the September issue of FourFourTwo – is bigger than ever, a whopping great 132-pager that knocks all others into a cheap party hat.

So what's in it? We analyse and rate (or slate) every single team from the Premier League to the Blue Square Premier plus the SPL – and, for the first time, look at the top six European Leagues: Spain, Italy, Germany, France, Portugal and Holland. There are stats and fixtures, key men and fans' views, and a rather unfortunate comparison of Newcastle United to a person who died after we went to print. Oops.

AND IN CASE THAT'S NOT ENOUGH...

Think you can play a bit? We can make you better. Pre-season is a key time to improve your game, which is what our Performance section – in the magazine and online – is specifically designed to do.

So we've splashed out ANOTHER 36 pages on Your Ultimate Pre-Season Training Guide. In it we explain why pre-season is important, what the shortcuts to match fitness are and how to play like Real Madrid.

We also spend time with Swindon boss Paolo di Canio and Everton's highly-rated youngster Jack Rodwell, in addition to a host of backroom experts dispensing their wisdom. And there's a full six-week training guide designed to revamp your body, mind and technique. Players of the world, you have nothing to lose but your beer-guts...

(Please note, the Performance supplement is only available in the UK & Republic of Ireland. Sorry, other folks.)

These supplements were brought to you with the help of Andrew Cole, Mark Walters, Teddy Sheringham, Craig Burley, Pat Nevin, Rob Lee, Michael Thomas, Frank Lebeouf, Gianfranco Zola, Alfred Galustian, Jack Rodwell, Mayur Ranchordas, Richard Nugent, Simon Bitcon, Chris Hughton, Arsene Wenger, Iain Dowie, Jon Goodman, Callum Kennedy and Paolo di Canio

Try the digital version of FourFourTwo (or buy the paper one)

Rooney & Hernandez, swapsies, fakes and Tasered players

2011-07-28T17:46:00Z

The new season is upon us and we're so excited that we're talking about everything at once. We look at past, present and future with an exclusive insight into the deadliest strike partnership in the Premier League, English football hopes and the wonder of sticker albums – in addition to a comprehensive preview of the new term and a complete pre-season training guide to get you ready for another year of the beautiful game.

Try the digital version (or buy the paper one)

Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez played a key role in Manchester United winning their record 19th league title last season. We talk exclusively to United’s No.10 ahead of an important year for the Red Devils and England as well as finding out from those closest to him what made Chicharito such an instant success in England.

Elsewhere, we look at the future of English football, which suffered another setback this summer with a poor performance at the Under-21 European Championships, and investigate whether there's any hope for the Three Lions.

The past is just as important as the future at FFT and we take a trip down memory lane to look at the history of a favourite football pastime: sticker albums. We discuss 125 years of collecting and swapping – and no, of course we don't pass up the opportunity to reprint some photos that players might wish we wouldn't...

We also explore one of football’s greatest mysteries: the Second Season Syndrome. Just how can a team do so well one year, only to fail so dramatically the next?

And we reveal the faces behind the best of Twitter’s football fakes, finding out why they chose to parody some of football’s biggest names.

This month's victim answering your questions in One-on-One is former Liverpool gaffer Rafa Benitez. What did he say at half-time in Istanbul? What was his relationship with Fergie really like? And what on Earth made him grow a goatee?

It's hard to imagine how much football has been changed by the backpass rule... until you watch an unedited game from before it. We examine how the rule turned goalkeepers into footballers and pick out the keepers who are just as good with their feet as they are between the sticks.

And as usual there's loads of questions answered by the magazine that brings you the access, insight and intelligence that no other football mag possesses. What would be the Perfect Season? What has Terry Venables learned from football? How would football clubs cut costs stupidly? How has our dressing-room mole The Player seen footballers abuse their fame? Is Scott Sinclair rather excited about returning to Stamford Bridge with Swansea? And who's that player being Tasered?

All this and much much more in the ultimate football magazine, weighing in at near-200 pages. And that's not including the Season Preview and Performance Pre-Season Training supplements, about which there's more information here....

The September issue of FourFourTwo was brought to you with the help of Rafael Benitez, Dietmar Hamann, Jim Fleeting, Ian Cathro, Mark Lomax, Ian Murray, Phil Neville, Terry Venables, Paul Ferris, Mark Hudson, Lloyd Sam, Matt Spring, Charlie MacDonald, Steve Bull, Jay Tabb, Jamie Carragher, Marco Materazzi, Michel Salgado, Wayne Rooney, Gabriel Lopez, Carlos Padilla, Ricardo La Volpe, Tomas Balcazar, Guillermo Ochoa, Javier Hernandez, Gordon Strachan, Danny Mills, Phil Ball, Tony Carr, Richard Scudamore, Ged Roddy, Greg Clarke, Gareth Southgate, Michael Ricketts, George Burley, Tom Bates, Graeme Murty, Ed Smith, Matt Holland, Scott Sinclair, Rob Jovanovic, Deco, Alvaro Recoba, Andy Puddicombe, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Sebastian Larsson, Jordan Henderson, Frank Lampard, Gary Speed, Bobby Zamora, Gus Poyet and lots of coffee.

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'El maestro' Tabarez teaches his Copa rivals a tactical lesson

2011-07-25T15:56:00Z

Most managers who had just taken a country of only 3.5 million people to the World Cup semi-finals at the age of 63 would have called it a day - they would have assumed the only way was down.

But Oscar Tabarez’ decision to continue was vindicated completely by Sunday night’s Copa America victory in Buenos Aires.

Uruguay are now the most successful side in Copa America history, and barring a 48 minute spell against Argentina, they rarely looked troubled as they marched to their 15th continental crown.

Their opening draw against Peru may have been seen as a shock, but in the context of the tournament, with Sergio Markarian (a Uruguayan) leading his side to third place in the Copa, it stands up as a reasonable result.

Having had his first involvement with the national set-up in 1983 as manager of the under-20 side, Tabarez’ long term plan following a poor 1980s for ‘la celeste’ is finally starting to reap its rewards, and the system has produced some excellent younger players to blend with the talented older generation.

'El maestro' stays cool as those around him go thoroughly potty

It is easy to see how he earned the nickname ‘el maestro’ (the teacher), his masterful approach to the all-round development of Uruguayan football as an overseer has been an enormous factor in propelling the tiny nation back to the upper echelons of world football. Similarly, this tournament has served to exhibit his superlative skills as a touchline manager.

The previously mentioned difficult 48 minutes followed Diego Perez’ red card in the quarter-final against the hosts. A first half dismissal should have all but condemned any side up against such big tournament favourites, but the key was surviving until half-time, once Tabarez had his players in the dressing room there would be a chance for him to re-arrange his side to cope with the numerical disadvantage.

Of course, he was helped in this instance by being up against a coach with all of the tactical nous of a watermelon, but once his side prevailed on penalties against Argentina, Uruguay themselves became tournament favourites and went on to triumph in emphatic fashion.

Boasting a delicate blend of defensive play, ‘garra charrúa’ (the indigenous sprit/fight) and some world-class attacking players, Tabarez formed a team that was effective and also tactically flexible.

There are so few sides in world football that could so seamlessly switch between a back four and back three in the way that the Uruguayans have done in their last two major tournaments, and the credit for this must be attributed to ‘the teacher’ as well as the players who could adapt so readily.

The key to the side was always its defence and industry: even in the final, only two attacking players started the game, and of the midfield four, two were defensive midfielders and another a full-back shunted forwards. Conceding just three goals in their six tournament games, Tabarez relied on the superstar forwards at his disposal to provide their goals and they did so, if not quite as spectacularly as their 2010 campaign in South Africa.

His tactical masterstroke in the final against Paraguay was the high pressing on opposing playmaker Nestor Ortigoza, who had been a dangerous player for the ‘albirroja’ in their earlier fixtures.

By harrying and hampering the San Lorenzo midfielder, Uruguay stifled the Paraguayans’ ability to play and after going 2-0 up, they never looked back.

Another key factor was the bigger pitch at ‘el Monumental’ in Buenos Aires, which meant Paraguay’s narrow and defensive gameplan was partially undone by the larger areas the players had to cover, very different to the small provincial grounds in Cordoba and Salta where it had proved easier to sit tight in the face of attack.

Few could argue that Uruguay didn’t deserve this Copa America win, and fewer could have argued that runners-up Paraguay did deserve to.

They finished the competition without winning a game in 90 or even 120 minutes and typified the defensive mindsets that teams have adopted throughout this tournament.

While it may be remembered for Brazil and Argentina’s underachievers, or Venezuela and Peru coming to the fore, the 2011 Copa America should be remembered for a historic Uruguay victory where ‘el maestro’ taught his opposing managers a tactical lesson.

Copa America's final two upstaged by fairytale semi-finalists

2011-07-21T19:16:00Z

As Uruguay and Paraguay face off on Sunday night, both sides will know that even if they win, neither are likely to be the enduring story of this Copa America.

It’s a shame, and quite unjust, but what has happened elsewhere has simply been more remarkable. In Peru and Venezuela, the tournament has had two of the least likely semi-finalists of all time.

Unlike Venezuela, Peru can lay claim to at least some footballing history. They’ve been to the World Cup finals four times, even getting to the quarter-final stage in 1970. Since 1982 though, they’ve not qualified for a FIFA competition, and have rarely made an impact in the Copa.

However, tragedy has played its part. In the 1987 Allianza Lima air disaster, 43 players, coaches and staff of one of Peru’s top sides were killed, and much of a promising generation was wiped out. Coupled with various other domestic issues, the mid-80s to mid-90s were a bleak time for Peruvian football.

Their next success at a major tournament was a semi-final appearance in 1997 when the Copa America was held in neighbouring Bolivia. Having beaten eight-man Argentina in the quarter-finals, it was then Peru’s turn to implode in the semis, losing 7-0 to eventual champions Brazil.

An unfancied Peru line-up against Brazil in the 1997 Copa semis

Their performances this time round have been down to a degree of tactical mastery shown by wily coach Sergio Markarian, as well as the blessing in disguise of having Pizarro and Farfan – two of their stars – injured. This encourage them to adopt a more defensive system, which has been key to their progress and has created one of the tightest defences in international football.

Yet Venezuela have been an even bigger surprise than the ‘Blanquirroja’.

Ranked 69th in the world and with few star names, they came through a tough group unbeaten, and it was far from the display of ‘anti-football’ you may expect from a more limited side.

In fact, of the four semi-finalists, they had received the fewest cards, and far from parking the proverbial bus, they’d also scored more goals than any of the other sides in the last four.

In a nation where baseball far outstrips soccer as the most popular sport, it is no surprise that there is little tradition of success on the football field. Indeed, prior to the 2011 Copa America, they’d never qualified for a World Cup and had only won a single Copa America match, with a CA goal difference of -112.

Venezuela's Manuel Seijas celebrates the quarter-final win over Chile

In this year’s edition, they have managed to make the world sit up and take notice with their buccaneering brand of football. Based around counter-attacking and set pieces, they had by far the best chances in the first half of the semi-final against Paraguay, despite completing only 44 passes – less than a third of their opponents’ total.

This was a great example of their percentage football, and it’s been very effective; marvellously directed by Cesar Farias who has impressed many onlookers, and not just due to his nice coats and leather gloves.

While it may be of little solace to Uruguay or Paraguay that their victory may slip under the radar, it’s quite something that these underdog stories may even be more memorable than the woeful displays by the continent’s big two.

Peru may previously have been better known in Europe for its llamas than its left-backs, but their successful campaign shows the increasing strength and depth of South American football.

Similarly, whereas Venezuela’s greatest claim to fame is probably being home to the world’s tallest waterfall, it’s at the Copa America that they have made perhaps the most unexpected splash, but it has been a very welcome one.

Cult of the idol and chronic mismanagement prevent Argentine success

2011-07-19T15:59:00Z

There was a delicious irony in Carlos Tevez’ penalty miss in Argentina’s shoot-out defeat to Uruguay on Saturday.

‘El Apache’ or ‘Carlitos’, call him what you want, the ongoing saga surrounding him in recent months has been symptomatic of the problems running deep through the veins of Argentine football.

For a player who was categorically “not in [the] plans” of manager Sergio Batista just two months ago to line up in the starting XI for the tournament curtain raiser against Bolivia on July 1 confirmed many people’s thoughts on the Argentina boss.

He was not the first, and he won’t be the last – but he caved in to external pressure to include the Manchester City forward.

‘El jugador del pueblo’ (the people’s player) was included by a manager who had, in the previous week, said that he did not need Tevez.

It’s worth mentioning at this point that Carlos Tevez is by far the most popular player in Argentina. His rags-to-riches story twinned with years of success at the country’s best-supported club – Boca Juniors - has seen him become a working-class idol and national hero, the like of which hasn’t been seen since ‘El Diego’ himself.

Hero or not, in the months approaching the tournament, coach Batista made it clear the Manchester City forward was not in his plans “for football reasons”.

Tevez and Batista in (marginally) happier times...

He confidently declared that Messi was his “number 9” and that he also had Diego Milito and Gonzalo Higuain for that position.

But this all seems to be patently false: Tevez wasn’t even being used in that role.

The former Manchester United man had also been vocal in support of former boss Diego Maradona ahead of Batista, and declared himself ‘injured’ for a friendly match against Brazil, only to turn out for Manchester City just two days later. It was suggested that their differences were more personal than professional.

When the decision was made to bring Tevez back into the fold, Batista claimed that he had “cleared the air with Carlitos”, but why the need to clear the air if the disagreements were football-related.

Batista’s lying on this topic has not gone unnoticed, and if it were simply a case of flagrant populism then it might be less damaging.

The truth is that the pressure exerted on him from AFA boss Julio Grondona has lead to the inclusion of Tevez, and it’s Grondona’s immovable and repugnant influence that is to blame for the general state of the Argentine national team.

Grondona has been in his role as AFA president since 1979. You may not recognise the name, but you may recognise some of his quotes. He recently demanded that the English return the Falkland Islands in exchange for a vote in the selection process for the 2018 World Cup.

Going further back, he declared: "I do not believe a Jew can ever be a referee at this level. It's hard work and, you know, Jews don't like hard work."

Plenty of blame for Argentina’s exit will rest on the shoulders of manager Sergio Batista, and with reason, for being tactically poor and a shoddy man-manager sees that he should leave his post.

Fortunately for him, Grondona prides himself on having never sacked a manager, so he is safe in his job despite the utter failure at the Copa America.

Grondona - always game for a laugh...

That is if you deem the host nation, with the best player in the world on their side and a ludicrously favourable draw, being knocked out in the quarter finals having only beaten a Costa Rican under-23 side as a failure.

Batista doesn’t, and has said as much this week.

His predecessor, Diego Maradona, left the post at the end of his contract in the wake of their 2010 World Cup elimination.

A popular man manager, but with the tactical knowledge of a lampshade, the real question should be how he got the job in the first place, given his failure with every team he managed previously.

However, as with ‘Carlitos’, Maradona’s popularity was the key, and when he put himself in the frame for the job, Grondona found himself in a win-win situation.

Had Maradona succeeded, Grondona could count the pesos and take credit for what on the face of it looked a bold decision. Had Maradona fallen short, Grondona could portray him as an unstable individual and distance himself from the failure. Of course, the latter proved to be the reality.

While Maradona is even more revered than Tevez, the point is that this idolatry is still causing damage to the national game.

The deification of these individuals is bordering on the obscene, but while excessive, it seems harsh to criticise members of the public for having a role model, a hero.

Instead, it is the way that the authorities (and not just in football) use people’s emotional attachment to these stars to partake in cynically-built, populist policy decisions, that is the issue.

Even on a basic level, pandering to the whim of the football fan can never be a successful way to run a major organization.

Henry Kissinger once said: “Leaders are responsible not for running public opinion polls, but for the consequences of their actions.”

It’s there that Batista and Grondona have failed. Weak through the fear of criticism; abject failure has resulted, but neither have faced the consequences.

South America stunned as quarterfinal favourites all crash out of Copa

2011-07-18T08:16:00Z

With the tournament’s most fancied sides having stumbled through to the quarter-finals, it was expected that they would learn their lessons and finally saunter stylishly into the last four.

Indeed, in Argentina and Brazil’s respective final group stage matches, two disappointing campaigns had already looked to be on an upward curve.

However in two nights of unthinkable results, the favourite for each quarter final found themselves out of the competition, leaving South America stunned.

Among the sides to exit the competition, an alarming profligacy in front of goal has been an inescapable theme; Gonzalo Higuaín, Neymar and Humberto Suazo being the principle exponents.

Impatience in breaking teams down has been another obvious flaw, but it points towards a more general feature of this tournament - the defensive attitudes of the so-called ‘weaker’ sides.

Of the four winning quarter-finalists, it could be argued that at least three are there having adopted an overly defensively mindset throughout the tournament.

From a pragmatic point of view it is completely understandable - where a side lacks the technical ability of a rival, it would be hopelessly naïve to attempt to outplay them. Greece’s triumph at Euro 2004 is possibly the most notable example of a somewhat limited side triumphing through this approach in recent years, but it seems likely now that this Copa America may be won in similar fashion.

Similarly, the very format of the competition encourages such an attitude, with eight of the twelve sides qualifying for the knock-out stages, it places a perhaps lamentable early emphasis on not losing, rather than winning.

While Venezuela and Peru have found their way to the semi-finals with a largely defensive system in place, their swashbuckling counter-attacking play has also attracted the neutral fan. Venezuela, in fact, have opened the scoring in each of their games in the tournament - bar their goalless draw with Brazil.

Paraguay, on the other hand, boast the bizarre record of being in the semi-finals without winning a game yet. In their last eight internationals the Paraguayans have won just two in ninety minutes - but their penalty shoot-out victory over Brazil will not have been any less sweet because of this record, nor the fact their opponents amazingly failed to convert any of their four spot-kicks.

Uruguay have disappointed many observers by not impressing as they did in the World Cup last year, but have made it to the semi finals despite a disappointing third place finish in their group.

In their knock-out tie against Rioplatense rivals Argentina, they were fortunate enough to come up against a side devoid of ideas that despite having a personnel advantage for a large period – with Uruguay’s Diego Perez sent off after just 38 minutes, failed to make it count.

Seeing the ‘big two’ both crash out may not be good for sponsors and organisers but both the hosts and the holders failed to live up to their reputations in any way.

Argentina only managed to win one game in the entire competition, and that was against a Costa Rica under-23 side that had been drafted in at the last minute with little preparation.

Brazil have also been mightily disappointing, but had made little secret of their intention to use this summer’s tournament as a stage in their World Cup 2014 development. Argentina have no such claims to hide behind.

Seemingly every pre-competition declaration from Sergio Batista has since seen a backtrack that in the eyes of many has left his position untenable.

Certainly, ‘Checho’ doesn’t seem keen to leave his position, claiming the campaign “has not been a failure” despite him guiding the most talented squad in the tournament through a pathetic campaign in front of their own fans.

The semi-finals may have an unfamiliar appearance, but it demonstrates the perpetual improvement of the perceived ‘lesser’ nations of CONMEBOL football.

So even though the sides that are out of the competition may be talking about looking towards the next World Cup in 2014, just qualifying for the tournament in Brazil looks set to be harder than ever.

Quarter-final results:
Colombia 0-2 Peru (a.e.t.)
Argentina 1-1 Uruguay (4-5 pens)
Brazil 0-0 Paraguay (0-2 pens)
Chile 1-2 Venezuela

Different shade of yellow: Why Brazil 2011 aren’t what the world is used to

2011-07-14T14:58:00Z

English football apologists sometimes talk of the pressure of history weighing heavily on the shoulders of the current squad, preventing them from playing with any freedom or even happiness.

Now, imagine trying to play for Brazil.

The five-times world champions are not only the most successful side in the history of FIFA competitions, but they have the added pressure of joga bonito on their minds; the desire, the need, to play in the ‘samba’ style.

The fluid football of the 1970s Brazil sides is the stuff of legend. In fact, although some argue it’s the stuff of myth - looked back upon through the balmy eyes of history as something much more beautiful than it was – this reputation is well-established and well-deserved.

Crouch's attempts to fit in with the Brazil team were a failure...

Either way, the Brazillians have never tried to address any erroneous belief and when the fairly negative Dunga was dismissed following his stint as manager of the national team, onlookers squealed with joy. The era of pragmatism over futebol was over, they said.

Mano Menezes’ stewardship though, has been barely more spectacular than that of his predecessor. Menezes has the significant pressure of a home World Cup in 2014 – a tournament at which winning is the only option for Brazil - and this perhaps helps explain their disappointing early displays in the Copa America.

With the immense expectation of glory in three years time, the planning has already started, and the Copa this summer was an important step in the process. The inclusion of Santos starlets Neymar and Ganso and Sao Paulo’s Lucas Moura – who has featured as a substitute in every match so far - may appear in some ways premature, but there is a commitment to giving the ‘next generation’ an extended run in the seleção so that they are ready for the main event.

This has been to the detriment of the current tournament campaign. Despite also featuring a host of experienced players, there has been an obvious impatience about the side, who appear to panic when they aren’t winning matches, even if they are playing well.

This was a feature of all three group games and something they must work on. Against perceived weaker sides – and that encompasses most of the world – it will be vital to rely on their quality and wait for that opening; a policy they haven’t always stuck to of late.

Much like Argentine boss Sergio Batista, Menezes struggled to get his team playing in the right fashion in those earlier games and was roundly criticised by his country’s press.

The team that drew with Venezuela and Paraguay was a side with no identity, and struggling in the shadow of former glories. The team that survived a couple of scares against Ecuador was more prepared, and they ended up winning comfortably.

Once more like Batista, the importance of making the right changes was evident.

The decision to play Maicon ahead of European champion Dani Alves was a masterstroke, with the Inter full-back by far the best player on the park against Ecuador. And by tweaking Ganso’s role, he was able to squeeze more creativity from the young playmaker.

Although what is on display at this year’s Copa America is not a vintage Brazil side, it’s not really meant to be. At least, not for another three years.

That will be when Mano Menezes and his side are judged, and they have a lot to live up to.

Savaged Messi finally on song as Argentina breathe again

2011-07-12T14:02:00Z

While he may have been criticised for not partaking in the national anthem, Lionel Messi was certainly on song in his new role, as Argentina finally clicked into gear.

With his own employment and Argentina’s Copa America hopes left hanging by a thread, Sergio Batista finally made the vital changes the whole of Argentina had been screaming for.

Out went Ezequiel Lavezzi, who had run into one too many blind alleys. Out went Carlos Tevez, who despite being particularly popular with the general public, divided opinion within the squad. Also out was Éver Banega, who in truth had played very well bar the inexplicable gaffe that cost Argentina a goal against Bolivia.

In came Sergio Agüero – the man responsible for changing Argentina’s opening game, Angel Di Maria to provide width, and Gonzalo Higuain to provide a centre-forward figure.

Dispensing with the Barcelona project he’d been so open about copying, Batista changed his shape to the only one he’s ever had success with - the 4-2-1-3 he used to win Olympic gold in 2008. Batista though, wasn’t the story from this game.

Lionel Messi, despite being the best player on the planet, is still unloved in his homeland. Having never played league football in his native country, there was never a chance for local fans to get attached to him, or even for opposition fans to see his ability first-hand.

Similar to the attitude of Brazilians, Argentines want to see players doing well in their own league rewarded with a place in the national team; any player that moves to Europe is instantly significantly less interesting to them.

Carlos Tevez is ‘el jugador del pueblo’ (the player of the people) for a variety of reasons. Not only did he play for, and bring great success to, the best-supported club in the country in Boca Juniors, but his tough background means that he will always be a role model.

Messi moved to Barcelona aged 13 and therefore this emotional attachment never developed, and when the chips are down - as they have been in the first week of this Copa America - it’s Messi that is savaged by the Argentine media and public.

Despite being the most dangerous player in the first two Albiceleste games, he was criticised for not singing the national anthem, while Carlos Tevez’ selfish - and sometimes brainless - play escaped criticism entirely.

Against Costa Rica in a match that would ultimately decide their fate, the diminutive Barcelona forward simply excelled.

It was a performance of constant and genuine danger, and with so many other attacking players alongside him, he created, and created, and created until his team-mates could spurn no more chances and eventually went ahead on the brink of half time.

How he didn’t score himself may baffle him slightly, but the sheer number and quality of Messi’s final balls in Cordoba was incredible.

But Messi wasn’t the only one to impress. Fernando Gago may face an uncertain future at club level but his contribution was excellent.

Despite missing a host of good chances, Gonzalo Higuain provided the attacking figurehead Argentina had been so lacking in the tournament.

Finding themselves in a similar predicament, Brazil should now be expected to start Fred as the spearhead of their attack, and as far as playmaking goes, Paulo Henrique Ganso would do well to play half as well as Messi in this fixture.

It is probably important to note that this Costa Rican side are not exactly world-beaters, and there will certainly be tougher tests to come. Any flaws will now have to emerge at the quarter-final stage, where the hosts will meet one of Chile, Peru and Uruguay.

The important thing for Batista though, is that he’s got his team through the group stage. But he knows that if Messi continues conducting with Mozartian genius, then the players will finally all be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Meet the Croatian Cruyff

2011-07-12T09:00:00Z

Back in July 2008, FourFourTwo introduced a Balkan schemer by the name of Luka Modric. In the light of current transfer rumours, what he had to say then is very interesting – not least the words, "big, fat contract"...

Luka Modric doesn’t look like Johan Cruyff. Not in the flesh, not straight on, not when his hair is dry and slightly bouffant. And yet the comparisons are unmistakable. In profile, when sweat has dampened his mop flat to his skull, there is something of the Dutchman in his face, but it is more than that. It is the spirit that he conveys, impishly intelligent on the field and with a capacity for caustic observation off it. He’s not short of confidence, and has underlined the Cruyff comparison by asking to wear the number 14 shirt at Spurs next season. 

This had promised to be the transfer soap opera of the summer. Barcelona and Arsenal had expressed an interest in the Dinamo Zagreb playmaker, and he met Newcastle officials in April. Four days after being wined and dined by Dennis Wise, though, Modric had signed for Spurs in a £16million deal. 

“One day I saw an interview with Niko Kranjcar in the newspaper,” says Modric. “He was joking about my possible transfer. I had said a few days before that I dreamed of playing in Spain, but he said I had to go to England because they pay the best money. I know people will not believe me, but money was not the reason I came to England. I didn’t think about money at all. Of course, I’m very happy with my big fat contract, but the most important thing for me was to play in a big club in the top league; everybody at Dinamo knew that. Everything has turned out great. Dinamo are satisfied and I’m happy.” 

Central to this happiness was Tottenham’s much-criticised chairman Daniel Levy. “He’s a straightforward man,” explains Modric. “Our talks were easy. It was a big thing that he came to see me in Zagreb; that told me how keen Tottenham were. I always knew that this was my last season in Croatia and  I wanted to find a new club before the Euros. Chelsea was one of the options, but I was linked with Barcelona, Milan, Newcastle and some clubs in Russia… Every day there were new rumours and I didn’t want to be under pressure, because I knew that Dinamo and [my agents] the Mamic brothers would find the best solution for me. Clearly they did.  

“I always dreamed about Barcelona. They are my favourite club, but I didn’t go to Spain. I have no regrets: I’ve chosen a very good club and I’m sure I’ll enjoy playing for Tottenham. The main reason I chose Spurs was Juande Ramos. He asked me to go to London, so I did. I have a really high  opinion of him, and after the Euros we’ll sit down and talk plans for next season.”

LATEST NEWS: Follow the breaking transfer stories here.

 It is the European Championships that now dominates Modric’s thinking. Drawn with Germany, Austria and Poland in  arguably the simplest first-round group, Croatia had seemed a viable outside bet to win the tournament, but the injury to former Dinamo team-mate Eduardo (or ‘Dudu’, as he’s known in Croatia), their top scorer in qualifying with 10 goals, has diminished their chances. “It will be hard without Dudu,” he says. “He was our strength in qualifying. He was like a machine with his goals.

 “I saw him break his leg on TV – it was horrible. I was afraid for him, not just for his career but for his health. He’s a big friend. We spent a lot of time together in Zagreb. I tried to call him straight away, but of course it was impossible. I talked to him after his operation and he was optimistic. We have to be focused and not whinge because we are without him. We have class players like Ivan Klasnic, Igor Budan, Mladen Petric and Bosko Balaban who can take his place.”

 Before the qualifier in Zagreb in 2006, Modric was scathing about England. “They’ve got some great players, and if you go by their names they’re one of the best sides in football,” he said. “But I wasn’t excited by them at the World Cup.” So while he has learnt diplomacy in the intervening 18 months, when he dismisses suggestions that the draw has been kind to Croatia, it is probably because he means it. 

“It’s a hard group,” he says. “Everybody says Germany and Croatia are favourites, but it will be hard to go through to the next phase. Our task is to go as far as we can, but you never know. I am an optimist, but Poland will be hard to beat and you must not forget Austria. Every host is always hard to beat.” 

Their first game, against the hosts in Vienna, is likely to be key and, given Austria’s reputation for physicality, it should give Spurs fans an immediate indication of whether their new waif-like creator will be able to cope with the physical demands of the Premier League. Although he is given the luxury of being an out-and-out playmaker for Dinamo, with Croatia he has defensive responsibilities, and it’s his ability to  combine that with supreme vision and touch that makes him such an exciting prospect.  

As Kranjcar said, Modric hasn’t struggled in previous battles with the likes of Gerrard and Lampard; the question is whether  he can extend that over a season. Still, £16million on a player who’s potentially the new Cruyff seems a worthwhile gamble.

From the July 2008 issue of FourFourTwo. Subscribe!

Going through changes: Fortune favouring the brave at Copa America

2011-07-11T16:14:00Z

A lot has been said about the early rounds of this year’s Copa America, most of it criticism of the lack of goals thus far.

It’s barely necessary to remind people that such a dearth is inevitable at this early stage of the competition. You only need to look back to last summer’s showpiece in South Africa to see that it’s far from unusual for the early stages of a major tournament to be similarly characterised by overly-tense affairs.

It’s an inevitability of tournament football that sides are massively fearful of losing their first game, as doing so would leave them with a mountain to climb as far as knock-out stage qualification is concerned.

In addition, thanks to seedings, the first fixture of a group is quite often a mismatch, and nobody could criticise the minnows for setting out to frustrate their more illustrious opponents by sitting deep.

The theory at this level is the same as in the third round of the FA Cup, only instead of seeing Manchester United toil on a boggy pitch against Halifax Town, it is Argentina against Bolivia, or Venezuela against Brazil.

When these sides set out primarily to defend, perhaps looking to nick a goal on the counter-attack or from a set piece, it’s merely a natural attempt to bridge the gulf in quality between the sides, and not something that should be vilified.

What happened to Argentina (twice) and Brazil was that they succeeded when it came to dominating play, but then failed to find the breakthrough. They both had chances throughout their opening games and didn’t take them, this is what led to the panicked play on the field. Off the field though, is where the direction and substitutions can swing a game, but that’s not how it turned out.

In the first two fixtures of this Copa, Batista’s changes have been mindless. He has attempted to shoe-horn players into a system that is clearly not working and by refusing to make the necessary changes, he has put Argentina’s quarter-final qualification in jeopardy, something utterly thinkable just over a week ago.

The only change Batista had made between the opening draw versus Bolivia and the second game against Colombia was to bring in Pablo Zabaleta for young left-back Marcos Rojo. This was despite the obvious problems caused by the midfield being too reserved and playing two central attackers as wide-men.

Contrast this with Claudio Borghi’s game-changing alterations as Chile came from behind to beat Mexico.

Once more, it was a well-fancied team struggling against underdogs who were playing with plenty of men behind the ball. Disaster struck for the Chileans when Mexico got a goal from a set-piece to put themselves in front. Chile were not only struggling to get the goal they’d deserved but they now needed two, fortunately, Borghi had a plan B.

Unlike some other coaches in this tournament and others, Borghi was not overwhelmed by the fear of his team losing their opening match. Instead, he continued in the fearless vein of previous boss Marcelo Bielsa and brought on striker Esteban Paredes for wing-back Beausejour.

The change in shape that accompanied this removed Mexico’s numerical advantage in defence, which ultimately proved the telling factor as Chile scored two and won the game.

In Chile’s second game of the tournament against equally well-fancied Uruguay, both managers were left happy with their pro-active approach.

The celeste brought in Sebastian Coates at centre half for the shaky Victorino, while replacing one of their standout performers for the first game – Nicolas Lodeiro – with Porto left-back Alvaro Pereira.

Replacing a playmaking midfielder with a defensive-minded player may not be a popular choice with neutrals or even some fans, but knowing Chile’s strength, Oscar Tabarez opted for the work rate and industry of Pereira and was rewarded with the opening goal.

Young defender Coates came into the side and was exceptional too, keeping the usually excellent Humberto Suazo very quiet, and doing a better job of dealing with Alexis Sanchez than many have in recent months.

Trailing 1-0 and being continually pinned back, it was Chile’s turn to roll the dice. Borghi introduced Valdivia, the Palmeiras playmaker, with the hope that his renown passing ability would help them keep possession and possibly create the chance they needed.

Once more, fortune favoured the brave. Valdivia’s wizardry left a couple of Uruguayan statues in his wake as he set Alexis Sanchez through on goal, and the Udinese (for now) starlet finished brilliantly.

Hernan Dario Gomez of Colombia can also take plaudits for starting Carlos Sanchez for the clash with Argentina. Having a player behind the midfield to nullify the intention of Batista’s well-publicised ‘false 9’ position gave his side a valuable point and virtually guarantees the cafeteros a quarter-final berth.

With a crunch game coming up against a Costa Rica team needing just a draw, hosts Argentina will need to show more patience and craft. Perhaps it’s time to make a change, abandon the Barcelona imitation and let the quality of the players shine through…

In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock - former US president Thomas Jefferson

While Batista is dedicated to trying to swim with the Barcelona current, his standing like a rock in the defence of these same principles could cost him his job.

Underdogs & overreactions: what do the opening days of Copa America tell us?

2011-07-05T15:11:00Z

Vexing:   The best adjective to describe what has happened in the first round of games in the 2011 Copa America.   

The curious sequence of events commenced late on Friday night, as Argentina - the hosts and favourites - shaped up to brush aside footballing minnows and mountain-dwellers Bolivia in La Plata.

While most had predicted a four or five goal victory for the Albiceleste, it was more a case of them being at sixes and sevens, as a disjointed side failed to provide much to write home about in a scrappy 1-1 draw against their northern neighbours.   

In truth, it could have been even worse. While Bolivia’s goal was principally down to a piece of defending as inexplicable as it was bad – Ever Banega simply losing all control of his legs and neglecting to clear a hopeful flick off the line – the ‘verde’ had a wonderful chance to make it 2-0 through Marcelo Moreno, a goal that probably would have sent the host nation to their most embarrassing result since, well, since they last played Bolivia, actually...  

Sergio Aguero’s stunning equaliser may have saved some embarrassment for ‘Checho’ Batista’s side, but the result was still presented as if it had been a defeat by the local media, whose reaction was as excessive as it was predictable.   

Shaking off the tournament favourites tag was never going to be easy, not least with the pressure of 18 trophyless years weighing down on their shoulders, and this is only magnified by sensationalist sports dailies, from where it is consumed, and then regurgitated by the masses.   

There’s no respite either, for Sergio Batista, the Argentine coach. This blog has dealt previously with his forthright ambition of building a side based on Barcelona, and this has given him some issues in the wake of Friday’s performance.  

A display with all the fluidity of a breezeblock was more catastrophic than it was Catalan, with a midfield trio which had previously been touted as ‘too defensive’ turning out to be just that. But Batista has since shown little if any willingness to change it.   

By setting out his stall in such an ambitious manner, he’s given his would-be critics in the media the rope with which to hang him. His best, and possibly only hope of survival and frantically engineering himself some breathing space would be by getting a result against Colombia.  

But winning against a side that puts ten men behind the ball isn’t easy – just ask the countless teams who have tried and failed to do so in recent years.

It has become a regular feature of major tournaments for minnows facing a giant of the world game to put everything between the ball and their goal in the hope of holding out and possibly even nicking something at the other end.  

There is nothing wrong with this.   Really, the top teams need to be prepared for it, and play in a way that enables them to overcome it. In the same way that Jose Mourinho deployed Pepe, a defender, in midfield to attempt to deal with Lionel Messi in the spate of 2011 ‘clasicos’, Argentina should perhaps have played a more attacking players against a side they knew would look to sit back.  

But they weren’t the first team to make such a mistake, and they won’t be the last. Indeed, Brazil followed suit two days later.  

Brazil came up against a Venezuela side playing in a similar withdrawn fashion, and a disjointed display from A Selecao meant that they too could only take a point from their opening group stage fixture.   

It has to be said that the Samba Boys created more chances than Argentina did, but the man-of-the-moment, Neymar spurned at least two excellent opportunities and Alexandre Pato nigh on annihilated the cross bar with a right-footed cruise missile.

  The reaction in Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paolo on Sunday was much the same as in Argentina on Friday - an emotion half-way between disappointment and embarrassment that in both cases fails to acknowledge how far some of their lesser-heralded South American nations have come.   Uruguay had the benefit of seeing these shocks, and didn’t underestimate Peru, but the ‘Rojiblanca’ showed more verve and attacking intent than either the Venezuelans or the Bolivians.

Like the the opening day surprise packages, Peru took the lead. This wasn’t like Rojas’ Bolivia goal – fortuitous and vaguely comical – it was as impeccably timed an attacking run as you could hope to see, followed by a composed finish from Jose Paolo Guererro.   

Fresh from a third place in the World Cup last summer, Uruguay didn’t take it lying down, and they fought well, dominating possession and eventually also taking a draw from their first game of the Copa.  

Even much-fancied Chile had a serious scare, they exerted total domination over a massively under-strength Mexico, yet trailed. Fortunately for Claudio Borghi and his men, they managed to do what the big guns hadn’t and turn the game on its head. Mexico weren’t as defensive as some of the other sides and, regrettably perhaps, their swashbuckling spirit was part of their undoing.  

With the three favourites faltering early on in the competition, there are several possible conclusions to draw.

It could be that these nations are simply overhyped, it could be that the ‘smaller sides’ are underrated and ill-appreciated, or it may have just been a classic start to a tournament, with defensive blunders and upsets (remember Senegal beating France at the 2002 World Cup, anyone?).

The important thing to remember is that nobody is out yet, one of these sides will probably go on to win the tournament, and then we’ll see the same journalists that call for blood now, lauding the genius of it all in a months time. Vexing.

Where are all the black managers?

2011-07-01T15:00:00Z

A quarter of professional players are non-white, so why are there only two black managers at the 92 League clubs? Reporter Richard Woodall puts some serious questions to the big names.

It’s a statistic that just won’t go away. The number of black managers in football simply isn't rising.

Four years ago, only two out of the 92 League managers were black – and the situation hasn’t changed. Charlton’s Chris Powell and newly-appointed Birmingham boss Chris Hughton are the only non-white gaffers in the Premier and Football Leagues – staggeringly inconsistent considering 25% of current players are black.

One idea is to follow American football's ‘Rooney Rule’. Introduced in 2003, this anti-discriminatory legislation – named not after Manchester United striker Wayne but Pittsburgh Steelers owner Dan Rooney, who chaired the NFL's diversity committee – requires clubs to interview ethnic-minority candidates for senior jobs.

Under the Rooney Rule, unless assistant coaches have contract clauses guaranteeing them promotion to chief coach when the incumbent leaves, clubs must interview at least one Black or Hispanic candidate. And this is no paper tiger: when the Detroit Lions flouted it in 2003, the club was fined $200,000 by the authorities. As a result, the percentage of African-American NFL coaches jumped from 6% to 22%.

But would a similar thing work in the Premier and Football League? British football has made great efforts to kick racism out of the stands and the dressing rooms, but what of the dug-outs and boardrooms? Are directors around the country inherently racist, or is it that the small number of black managers who have been given jobs have not produced the results expected?

Staffordshire University academics recently polled 1,000 fans, players, referees and officials. More than 50% thought racism existed in club boardrooms, while 82% said managers were given jobs based on their reputation in the media.

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Hughton and Powell: rarities

Earlier this year, Notts County parted company with Paul Ince. In his first managerial role, the former Manchester United and England midfielder successfully led Macclesfield Town – seven points adrift in 92nd place – to safety before further success with Milton Keynes Dons.

When he took over at Blackburn Rovers in June 2008, he broke new ground as the first black British manager in the Premier League. He only served six months in the job at Ewood Park before fans called for his head and he was dismissed.

Ince – who was also the first black player to captain England – believes he would have found his pathway into management easier were it not for the colour of his skin.

“I’ve got enough experience in the game, and worked under some of the greatest managers," says Ince, a stalwart for bosses including Sir Alex Ferguson and Terry Venables.

"No disrespect to Macclesfield, but I end up sometimes questioning why I had to go to the lowest team in the Football League to start my managerial career.” Strong words, but Ince's former team-mates Gareth Southgate and Roy Keane cut their teeth at a higher level, with Middlesbrough and Sunderland respectively.

Ince thinks it will take more than success for himself and others like Chris Powell and Chris Hughton for inherent racism to be kicked out of touch.

“Racism in football is never going to go away," he says. "I’d hate to think that in the 21st century we don’t want a manager in football because he is black.

“But we need to look at the number of black footballers who have left the game and not been managers but rather pursued a media career – Les Ferdinand and Andy Cole, for example. You wonder why this is.”

Paul Ince during his ill-fated Blackburn tenure

The numbers game is enlightening. Although Tony Collins became the first black manager, blazing a trail at Rochdale in the 1960s, he remained an anomaly until the 1990s when he was followed by Keith Alexander at Lincoln, and later Peterborough.

And although Hope Powell – currently managing England at the Women’s World Cup – is the first black head coach of any England football team, her appointment in 1998 has not been the start of a bigger trend.

Former England and Aston Villa defender Earl Barrett says he nearly left the game when he retired in 1999, precisely because of the lack of opportunity for black managers.

Barrett – who currently coaches the under-14s at Stoke and is project manager for football’s equality and inclusion campaign ‘Kick It Out’ – will complete his UEFA A coaching badges this summer and admits he would love to be in the managerial hot-seat one day.

“I wasn’t sure whether to go into coaching when I finished playing, so I did a sports science degree before deciding to give it another go," he explains. "At one time, though, I didn't even consider it for lack of opportunity. There was a pathway to management but it was full of obstacles for black ex-players.

"I definitely think we have a racist mentality when it comes to black managers. Even if I don’t become a manager, at least I’ve made the way for others by attempting to break the cycle.

Barrett notes, though, that he's not the first to try. “Keith Alexander was a trailblazer for black coaches. He was very successful – but didn’t get a shot at a top club. A quarter of players are from black and ethnic minorities and yet we don’t see that reflected in management.”

Earl Barrett in his playing days

What do the power-brokers of English football think of the situation? Brendon Batson MBE is currently an FA consultant on race equality.

“There are issues with regards to black coaches which need to be addressed," says Batson, a groundbreaking player as one of West Brom’s ground-breaking ‘Three Degrees’ alongside Laurie Cunningham and Cyrille Regis in the 1970s.

“We’ve had more black managers in previous years than at present but at the moment there are not many. There’s no easy answer to the problem. We know the numbers do not lie.”

To help correct those numbers, the NFL introduced the Rooney Rule – and it's worth noting that even before its introduction 6% of NFL coaches were black, which would equate to five and a half Premier and Football League managers rather than the current two. (If we take the 22% figure, that would be 20 black managers.)

But do the FA have any plans to introduce a similar rule here? Spokesman Matt Phillips remains tight-lipped. “The FA is aiming to inspire more coaches from black and ethnic minority communities and we are committed to working with the relevant football authorities to take this forward.

“Both Noel Blake [England U19s coach] and Hope Powell have carved out excellent careers as national coaches in the England set-up and the next step is to generate a new wave of coaches that can follow in their footsteps by gaining qualifications and experience across all levels of the game.”

Hope Powell CBE – a shining but rare example

However, Charlton’s Chris Powell – who broke into management this year at Charlton, for whom he played nearly 300 times in three separate spells – is philosophical about the influence he has as a black manager.

“Obviously I have to do well because the be-all and end all is about good results. I need to produce. It's tough to be one of the only black managers – you feel a bit like a martyr. Clearly the percentage of black players is not reflected in management.”

Even so, Powell disagrees with Ince over whether a playing career should influence how far up the scale you start as a manager: “I don’t think your playing career should really have any bearing on it. If you’re good enough, you get an opportunity to manage and coach.”

Peter Coates, owner of Stoke City – where Chris Kamara had a brief managerial spell in 1998 – acknowledges the dearth of minority coaches but doesn't think it's down to prejudice: “There are so few black managers but at Stoke there is no racism – we hold black and white coaches in the highest regard.

“I don’t know a huge amount about the Rooney Rule but I think clubs would need to think long and hard before introducing something like that. I don't believe that there exists prejudice towards black managers in the game. Football management is very pressurised – whatever the colour of your skin.”

Ince disagrees. “We’ve managed to stamp out racist abuse dished out to players but the next step is to get more black managers into the game. It’s not the FA that can change it – it’s the people running our clubs.”

As such, Ince is in favour of the FA introducing its own Rooney Rule: “Without a doubt I would be in support of that – look what it has done for the NFL.”

Ince is backed up by Professional Footballers’ Association chief executive Gordon Taylor. “The issue of black managers is the next glass ceiling to address,” says Taylor. “We admit we need to look at the situation. Guys like Cyrille Regis, Les Ferdinand and Luther Blissett were hoping for positions in the game and they haven’t yet got them.

“We are giving serious considering to the Rooney Rule at the moment. It’s proven very successful in the USA and we are looking to bring Dan Rooney over to the UK to speak about his experiences of it.

"Something like this in English football would need the support of all the clubs. There's always going to be an issue with positive discrimination but with the number of black managers so low, something needs to change. The current situation is not fair.”

Regis, Blissett and Ferdinand – capped but not appointed

Former Watford, AC Milan and England striker Blissett retired from the game in 1994 and is still waiting for his first taste of professional management. He managed non-league Chesham United for a year in 2006 and his most recent job was coaching the under-16s at Stevenage last season.

Blissett is damning of thre prevailing attitudes in football boardrooms.

“Football club owners are always looking for reasons to talk about experience but you can’t get experience without the opportunity. I’ve applied for many jobs over the years and been told I don’t have enough experience.

“I just think I’m wasting my time now. Sometimes when I’ve applied, I’ve not even had the courtesy of a reply. The reason for the lack of managers is simple – there is racism.

“But I don't think this is just related to football – if you look about in society you can see this. People in charge of football clubs just turn to the same people again and again.”

Former West Brom striker Cyrille Regis MBE thinks change will come, albeit gradually. Regis notched 82 goals in 237 appearances for the Baggies and won the FA Cup with Coventry in 1987. He hasn't gone into management and is now a football agent.

“It’s a gradual process,” he says. “Black football players weren’t suddenly accepted. Getting more black managers will be a gradual sea-change. It takes time for race to cross both blue and white collar boundaries.”

Darren Moore, who won promotion to the Premier League four times with West Brom (twice), Bradford and Derby before becoming an international for Jamaica, also backed a Rooney Rule.

Moore – now club captain at League Two side Burton Albion – is currently taking his UEFA coaching badges with a view to management, and he hopes more black players will follow him.

“You can look at this issue in a number of ways," he says. "I think introducing the Rooney Rule would work. There are such a lot of black coaches in the game and more and more of them are taking coaching badges.

“It was good when Paul Ince highlighted the lack of black managers – it means more black players are starting to be switched on about the low number of managers.”

Moore gets a gong from PFA chairman Clarke Carlisle

Richard Bevan, chief executive of the League Managers Association, said any move to enforce new regulations would need substantial support.

“If we felt black coaches were supportive of the Rooney Rule, the LMA would back it," he pledges. “It’s disappointing we don’t have more black managers. Alongside the PFA, the LMA supports the black coaches' forum to help bring more managers into the game.

“Things haven't progressed as they should have done because there is no career pathway for black coaches at the moment. But we are pushing for more black players to get their qualifications.

"At the moment we have 23% of black players enrolled on coaching courses. As a result, black coaches will be getting more interviews.”

It's an interesting figure: if 23% of coaching-course candidates are black, that much more closely reflects the ethnic make-up of current players. If those proportions are reflected in the interviewees shortlisted for jobs, whether by a Rooney Rule or simple mathematical averages, it should result in a larger number of black managers.

There's still a long way to go, on both sides of the Atlantic. It's worth noting that at the time the Rooney Rule was introduced, 70% of NFL players were black. In that context, while having 23% non-white coaches is much better than 6%, it's still barely reflective of the sport's ethnic make-up.

Interviews – whether or not achieved via a Rooney Rule – are one thing; appointments are an entirely different matter. For British football to be in such a position in 2011 is staggering. The sport awaits a new generation of aspiring black managers and coaches. The jury is out and is in no hurry to return yet.

From the manager you love, to the 25 teams you hate - via the Matrix

2011-06-29T08:28:00Z

As the August issue of FourFourTwo hits the shelves, Jamie Dickenson explains why you should buy it...

What drives the King of Catalonia? We delve deep into the genius of Pep Guardiola to bring you an exclusive insight into the workings of the Nou Camp boss.

How has the Barcelona manager developed arguably the greatest club side in history? Will he ever coach in the Premier League? We speak to those close to him for the ultimate lowdown on the man FourFourTwo.com voters ranked the best manager in the world right now.

Elsewhere, we uncover the 25 most hated teams of all time. No one liked them, they didn’t care – and from catenaccio-crazy Inter in the 1960s to modern-day moneysplashers Crawley Town, they’re all here.

We also bring you the story behind Paul Lambert’s rapid rise to the top. The Norwich boss explains the back-to-back promotions in his own words.

And now for something completely different: we take a step out of the ordinary to bring you a One-on-One interview with eccentric Italian defender Marco Materazzi. The Matrix answers readers’ questions on that infamous Zidane headbutt, winning the World Cup and making Jose Mourinho cry.

FourFourTwo also reveals the craziest man in football: Lutz Pfannensteil. The German goalkeeper has served time in a brutal Singapore prison, been brought back to life and played for teams in all six continents (including Wimbledon’s Crazy Gang). He reveals all.

We discuss the Financial Fair Flay regulations set to drastically change the nature of the European club game from 2013-2014. How will your club be affected?

And Ajax’s ‘Toekomst’ Academy is uncovered in the first of our features on youth development. The technologically acute centre hopes to put the Amsterdam club back in the upper echelons of this brave new budgeted world. It looks a bit nifty, too.

The August issue of FourFourTwo contains exclusive interviews with... Faye White, Dwight Yorke, Wesley Sneijder, Christian Eriksen, Lee Dixon, Xavi, John Barnes, Marco Materazzi, Nathan Dyer, Michael Carrick, Kieran Gibbs, Juanma Lillo, Izale McLeod, Frank de Boer, Jesper Blomqvist, Carlo Mazzone, Carles Naval, Antonio Cassano, Jan Olde Riekerink, Adrian Lewis, John Sheridan, Nicky Butt, Paul Robinson, Charly Rexach, Lee Tomlin, Sergio Batista, David Endt, Graeme Swann, Peter Shilton, Andrew Cole, Sergio Busquets, Matt Holland, Ben Griffin, Geoff Hurst, Joe Hart, Mitch Day, Manuel Estiarte, Lee Peltier, Paul Lambert, Lutz Pfannenstiel, Michel Salgado, Sven Goran Eriksson, Josep Guardiola’s sister and Michael ‘Baby Merch’ Duberry.

Euro 96: Remembering how to enjoy football

2011-06-24T09:30:00Z

To complete our week marking the 15th anniversary of Euro 96, here's a piece from Jonathan Wilson looking back at a summer which wasn't always halcyon, but was eventually unforgettable

There are times when the myths are truer than the facts. Euro 96 has become, in the popular imagination, a halcyon time.

The sun shone, Des smiled, Gazza grinned, Shearer scored, England sparkled, and hardly anybody beat each other up. Britpop and Britart were at their peak; a deeply unpopular government was palpably in its death-throes; England played football of unimagined tactical sophistication, and Britain suddenly seemed an exciting, vibrant place to be. That was the golden summer, to which nothing else has ever quite lived up.

Or at least that is how posterity recalls it. Who now remembers that England actually played well in, at most, two and a half games? Who now remembers the goal the Spaniard Julio Salinas had ruled out (incorrectly) for offside in the quarter-final?

Who remembers, even, that the morning England beat Scotland, just five hours before Gary McAllister missed that penalty and Paul Gascoigne scored that goal, an IRA bomb exploded in Manchester, injuring over 200? Who remembers the violence that followed the semi-final and the Russian student stabbed, presumed German?

Certainly when Euro 96 began there was no reason to believe it would be a glorious summer. England were in disgrace. After the ‘dentist’s chair’ incident in a Hong Kong nightclub, a pre-tournament trip to China slunk further into disrepute when £5,000 of damage was caused to a Cathay Pacific plane on the way home.

INTERVIEW One-on-One, Oct 2004: Steve McManaman – "I had a 13-hour flight with no TV or table 'cos Gazza had broken them"

After the heights of Italia 90, a desperate Euro 92 had been followed by failure even to qualify for the 1994 World Cup. England, admittedly, went into the tournament unbeaten since a 3-1 defeat to Brazil the previous summer, but a 3-0 win over Hungary in their last Wembley warm-up had done little to erase the memory of turgid draws against Croatia and Portugal and a 1-0 win over Bulgaria.

If there was optimism ahead of the opening game against Switzerland, it had little foundation, a fact that was brutally exposed in a 1-1 draw, even if Alan Shearer did bring to an end an international goal drought stretching back 1,088 minutes over 21 months.

“I was under a lot of pressure for that game,” Shearer recalls. “Terry Venables had said to me that I was his first choice for the tournament, but you know as a forward that it’s your job to score goals. I always wonder what might have happened if I hadn’t got that goal.”

FEATURE Euro 96: Terry Venables – "Shearer had his critics but you can never leave a player like that out, and he proved me right"

There was little else, though, to quicken the blood, and although the handball decision against Stuart Pearce that handed Switzerland the 84th-minute penalty from which Kubilay Turkyilmaz equalised was harsh, it was hard to argue that England deserved better.

“Football came home all right,” wrote Martin Samuel in The Sun. “But as often happens when you’ve been away for so long, the garden was overgrown with weeds, the pipes had burst and ants had invaded the kitchen.”

It got worse as Teddy Sheringham, Jamie Redknapp and Sol Campbell were pictured drinking beer at 2am in Faces nightclub in Ilford. Venables blamed the press. “There are a few that seem like traitors to us,” he said. “They’re turning the public against the players, which can turn against them in the stadium. If there’s an advantage to being at home, we aren’t taking it, are we?”

PRESSED INTO ACTION
There's nothing like a spat with the press to focus the mind. Not that England started particularly well against Scotland. Switzerland’s Chapuisat had commented that when Paul Gascoigne didn’t play, England didn’t play, but at that stage the continued indulgence of the Rangers midfielder, his bleached hair only emphasising the redness of his puffing cheeks, seemed born either of sentimentality or desperation.

And then Venables brought on Redknapp for Pearce. England, for the only time in the tournament, switched to 3-5-2, and Gary Neville crossed for Alan Shearer to score. Even then it could all have gone wrong had Gary McAllister converted his penalty, but the ball moved a fraction in his run up and his shot struck Seaman’s elbow.

Seconds later Darren Anderton knocked a ball inside to Gascoigne, he flicked it over Colin Hendrie and smashed a brilliant volley past Andy Goram. As he lay back and Teddy Sheringham squirted water into his mouth, the dentist’s chair was transformed from disgrace into ironic celebration. In the space of a minute, the mood was changed, not just of that particular match, but of the entire tournament.

Still, what followed was extraordinary. Yes, Holland were riven by internal divisions, highlighted at a barbecue at which a photographer had snapped the squad sitting in racially discrete groups. Yes, Edgar Davids had been sent home after saying that the Holland manager Guus Hiddink “should not put his head in the ass of some players”.

Yes, Holland had such a spell of superiority towards the end of the first half that Barry Davies commented that half-time couldn’t come soon enough. But none of that should obscure just how good England were. “The Boys Done Gouda,” screamed The Sun as everybody proclaimed England’s 4-1 win as their greatest since 1966.

“Even if they stumble at the next hurdle, or the one after that,” wrote Richard Williams in The Guardian, “at least Terry Venables and his team have given us a night we never expected and shall never forget.” That remains true. Since then, only the 5-1 triumph over Germany in Munich has come close.

But it wasn’t just the performance; it was the atmosphere. In The Times, Rob Hughes, presumably consciously invoking the Dutch problems with race, wrote of “orange shirts dotted among the English white defied the efforts of the organisers to separate human beings according to their colours”.

RALLYING TO THE FLAG
After all the fears of hooliganism, this had become a collective festival, as everybody sang along with Skinner and Baddiel. In The Guardian, Matthew Engel wondered whether the feelgood factor might even save the Prime Minister John Major’s sinking regime.

“In England, this most private of countries, the national football team’s success or otherwise ought not to effect any adult for very long at all,” Engel noted. “But… there does seem to be something fearfully illogical about the English just at the moment.” It was that same loosening of the emotional shackles, it could be argued, that led the following summer to the saccharine outpourings that followed the death of Diana.

In the stadia at least, the feeling endured through the penalty shoot-out victory over Spain and the penalty shoot-out defeat to Germany. England were lucky in the former, unlucky in the latter, yet the more important thing was the sense of carnival, something that pervaded despite the tabloid press’s insistence on filtering everything through the lens of past wars.

“The match cannot be separated from the atmosphere,” wrote Engel after the Spain game, and so dealt with the arguments of those who pointed out that without the suspended Paul Ince, England’s play was a tad disjointed.

“It was a sensational occasion," continued Engel. "It was also an almost wholly pleasant and enjoyable one… The vast majority of the crowd did not think it was VE Day or the Armada; they thought it was a football match and they loved it… Suddenly the world seemed fresh and new again.

"Now it was England’s turn to wave the flag. This new cult of St George… seems more agreeable than the old union-jackmanship that used to accompany the England football team.” Given that it was only a little over a year since an England friendly in the Republic of Ireland at Lansdowne Road had been abandoned amid rioting, this was a remarkable change.

Even the Germans noticed it. “It surprised us how warm the English people have been,” said Thomas Schneider, a leader of Fan Projekt, a liaison group for German supporters. “The cliché of the English is of being reserved and cool, of not liking to mix, but it just hasn’t been true for us. That has set a tone which has made the German fans very celebratory, not really aggressive at all.”

It helped, perhaps, that the Britpop-influenced anthem of the tournament accepted failure as the natural state of the fan: “we’ve seen it all before…. England’s gonna throw it away/ Gonna blow it away…” And England did throw it away, not just on the field, but very nearly off it.

FEATURE Euro 96: David Baddiel – "What England fans normally feel is 'We’re going to lose, but we hope we’ll do well anyway'"

In the aftermath of the semi-final, police baton-charged 2000 rioting fans in Trafalgar Square as cars were set on fire. Two German tourists were attacked in Basingstoke. There were riots in Bradford. Three hundred fans rampaged through the streets of Bedford, looting. And, worst of all, in Portslade, east Sussex, 45 minutes after Andreas Moller had converted the winning penalty, a Russian student was stabbed in the neck because his attackers thought him German.

After all the friendliness it was a reversion to type. The bleakness after the semi was rooted less in the defeat than in the sense the legacy had been squandered. It was not. A then record of 26.2 million had watched the semi-final. People who had never watched the game before had become enraptured by it. Euro 96 was the final stage of a process that had taken in the fanzine movement, the Taylor Report and the Premier League.

League attendances had been growing from the low of 1985-86, when the average was 8,130, to 10,186 in 1992-1993, the first season of the Premiership, but that growth was slowing. Euro 96 gave them another fillip, to 11,190 in 1996-97, and onwards as stadia grew to permit greater and greater attendances.

It is now standard that during major tournaments, the nation stops to watch England play. The cross of St George is commonplace and, while events in Marseille in 1998 or Vaduz in 2003 suggest the battle is far from won, the mood at England games now is far more Euro 96 than what went before.

“Football’s been underrated for what it can do if we get it right,” said Venables. “We’ve witnessed, even for a brief moment, how we can be in unity and what a wonderful feeling it is again. We’ve forgotten what that feeling was like.” Euro 96 gave us a couple of the indelible moments of English football, but more importantly, it made us remember that feeling again. Beside that, the details barely matter.

FEATURE Euro 96: England's Glory
VIDEO LIST The best goals of Euro 96
FEATURE Euro 96: Scotland the brave
VIDEO LIST The best players of Euro 96
FEATURE Euro 96: Watching with the fans

Meanwhile, from the web's best football interview archive...

INTERVIEW One-on-One, Oct 2004: Steve McManaman
"I had a 13-hour flight with no TV or table 'cos Gazza had broken them"
INTERVIEW Ask a Silly Question, Mar 2009: Teddy Sheringham
"If they wanted to clone me, it'd be interesting to see the reaction"
INTERVIEW Perfect XI, Sep 2006: Tony Adams
"There’s an art to making things look easy; that’s why I've picked him"
INTERVIEW One-on-One, Sep 2005: Paul Gascoigne
"I trained with Goram every day, so I knew how to beat him"

Euro 96: I was there - Tel, Platt, Des, Sammer, Baddiel...

2011-06-23T09:30:00Z

Continuing our series marking 15 years since Euro 96. In summer 2008, FourFourTwo asked several of the key figures for their memories. Read on...

The Manager: Terry Venables
"I wanted to do something different at Euro 96. I knew it was going to be a football festival and I wanted to give our fans something to be proud of. England hadn’t lost too many matches at Wembley over the years and I thought we had what it took to be successful no matter who we met.

We were lucky in that the team was packed full of leaders both on and off the pitch. We had the likes of David Seaman, Tony Adams, Paul Ince, Gazza – these were players who you could look to when things weren’t going your way. Even the younger guys like Gary Neville were really confident individuals.

We were determined to play a passing game, and if you’re going to play that way then you need players to want the ball and demand it in all sorts of situations – that’s exactly what we had. With Steve McManaman and Darren Anderton, we also had two skilful players who weren’t scared to run at defenders. They were terrific throughout the tournament. A lot was made of our problems on the left-hand side of midfield before the tournament started but Anderton really solved our problems out there.

From a personal perspective, the time before Euro 96 was really important. I had an idea about how we were going to play and I discussed it with Tony Adams and David Platt, who was in Italy at the time, before the tournament to make sure the players were up for it and knew what we trying to achieve.

With no qualifying matches it was helpful that we didn’t have to win games in the run-up because it gave us a great chance to experiment and try out different personnel and formations. Funnily enough our record before the competition was excellent and the more games we won the more confident we became.

Alan Shearer had his critics before the start because he had had something of a barren spell – but there was no doubt in my mind he should play, because he’s the sort who can win a game. He was, quite simply, a goalscorer. You can never leave a player like that out, and he proved me right.

The Shearer goal apart, the first game against the Swiss, which was played on a very hot day at Wembley was a bit of a disappointment but then we really started to play. We all remember the Holland game but we played some great football in the second half against Scotland and played just as well, if not better, in the semi-finals against Germany.

After qualifying for the quarter-final, people always remember that we were lucky against Spain, but I don’t believe it. We might have had a poor first half – they scored a goal that was ruled out, incorrectly as it turned out, for offside – but I would have backed us to get back into the game anyway, and in the second half and extra-time we more than matched a very good side.

People also say that we never do too well at penalties but we scored nine in a row, four against Spain and five against Germany so I don’t think that’s a fair criticism either.

Going in to the Germany game you could sense there was a real confidence, although the experienced players made sure that there was never any complacency. Even when the referee blew for full time at the end of extra-time against the Germans, I was confident we would be OK. I knew it was going to be difficult – after all, how many teams beat Germany in a penalty shoot-out? But I also knew our first five penalty takers were excellent.

When Gareth [Southgate] missed, it felt a little bit like death must do. It was awful. It was definitely the lowest point of my career – that was my chance to win a trophy for my country in front of our fans. I think we would have beaten the Czech Republic had we gone through to the final, but that’s football.

I achieved a lot as manager, but looking back it’s Euro 96 that makes me most proud. I think we made a lot of people happy with what we achieved that summer."

The England Star: David Platt
“We went into Euro 96 full of expectation. The run-up to the tournament gave Terry Venables the chance to experiment with different players and formations and, as a result, we were extremely well-prepared.

Playing at home was obviously a huge advantage – you’re familiar with the hotels, the language, the food, so you don’t have to think about all the little details you do when you’re overseas. Playing every game at Wembley in front of massive crowds also gave us a huge lift in the early games when things weren’t going too well.

Everyone talks about the game against Holland but from a personal perspective it was the Spain match in the quarter-finals that made me start to think we could go all the way. They were possibly the better side on the day but after we went through on penalties you started to believe that maybe we could do it.

Ironically, I would say our best performance was against Germany in the semi-finals. Both sides were under a huge amount of pressure but we played as well in that match as we did in the semi-final against them in the 1990 World Cup, although sadly we ended up with the same result.

The penalty I took in the shootout ended up being the last time I kicked a ball in an England shirt – but although I went into the tournament thinking this could possibly be my last, I wasn’t thinking about it that night. I was a penalty taker so I put myself up for it; it was just a case of doing what I had done, time and again.

In the end it wasn’t to be, but we got so close to winning a major tournament – closer than I think a lot of England teams are going to get for a long time.”

The Presenter: Des Lynam
“It was the first time Ruud Gullit had really done any television and he’d go on to coin the phrase ‘sexy football’ but when he turned up on the first day, he got out of his chauffeur-driven Mercedes, took one look at the BBC bus that we travelled everywhere in and said ‘What's this sh*t?’ I thought ‘Christ, we’re going to have a tough time with this one’, but he turned out to be a great bloke.

As I later discovered, the BBC always beat ITV but that summer we won hands down, even winning a BAFTA for our coverage. It was my most gruelling time in broadcasting as I also did the Olympics and Wimbledon that summer, but the football was such fun that it almost didn’t feel like a job.

At football tournaments you always felt that you were the nation’s agent in a sense, and I felt extra responsibility this time as we were the hosts. I’ve always felt that I know what the viewer is thinking – it’s a sort of arrogance, really – which is what prompted the one-liners, things like ‘Shouldn’t you be at work?’

When England went out, I said 'There we are. No use crying for what might have been. Not for more than a couple of years, anyway.' Somebody described it as my ‘Kennedy’ moment. I don’t know about that, but it was my job to sum up the mood of the nation.

Arthur Smith later wrote a TV programme about Euro 96 called My Summer With Des and dug out some clips of me – which was a great compliment. They got me to record a few new lines too, but they weren’t nearly as good as the originals!”

The Journalist: Henry Winter
“When it comes to England, journalists reflect the mood of the nation, and the mood of the nation was one of euphoria at Euro 96, so the press got caught up in it, some more than others, with some newspapers running football headlines front page and back.

I think there was a sense of euphoria because on the whole we liked the players and wanted them to do well. That said, Gareth Southgate was the only player who spoke to us – perhaps that’s why he wasn’t criticised too much after he missed the decisive penalty – because a lot of the others were hacked off after the reaction to the Cathay Pacific incident.

I tend to think that increased England’s chances of winning. Although Venables was always very good with us, I’m sure he used negative press in his team talks, where he said ‘go and prove those buggers wrong’.

Shearer, in particular, took an absolute battering from the press in the build-up because he wasn’t scoring, but when it really mattered, he delivered, particularly in the 4-1 win against Holland. We played the opposition’s press on the day of the game, but we didn’t do too well as they had Seedorf’s dad playing for them! On the night, though, everything just clicked. The better England play, the easier my job is. All journalists do is hold a mirror up to the drama, the colour and the occasion, so that was one of the easier reports to write.

In terms of the effect on English football, Italia 90 really changed things in terms of the creation of the Premier League and showing it could flourish in the corporate age – Euro 96 was a catalyst for even further development of the game in this country.”

The Celebrity: David Baddiel
“Ian Broudie of the Lightning Seeds was asked to come up with an England song for the tournament and he contacted me and Frank because of Fantasy Football. Originally, I wasn’t sure because I couldn’t sing but Frank said it didn’t matter because most fans can’t sing – I could represent all of them!

I remember saying that we shouldn’t write a song that says we’re going to win, because what England fans normally feel is that we’re going to lose but we hope we’ll do well anyway. Perhaps that’s why it had the impact it did.

We went to present the song to Terry Venables and the players and as they were listening, nobody said anything apart from Venables, who sat there tapping his keys on his leg. When the song finished, he said it was ‘a real key-tapper’. We later heard that before one of the games, Gazza refused to get off the coach until the song had finished and he made everyone else sit there too.

It was the only song to go to No.1 in the UK charts three times. It went down to No.3 after the Switzerland game, where we didn’t play very well, but went back to No.1 after the Scotland game. After that game, everyone was on a high when the PA played Three Lions and the whole stadium started singing. That’s probably the greatest moment of my life.

The worst thing to happen to Three Lions was that the Germans started singing it before every game and it even got to No.17 in the German charts. Frank and I were invited to sing it in Germany a few years later, so we turned up wearing England shirts. We were told to take them off but refused.”

The Fan: Mark Perryman
“I went to every England game but the most extraordinary experience was going to Germany-Italy, because it gave me a sense of what an international tournament was all about. In London, it was just England, England, England, which was fine, but you didn’t feel you were a part of an international tournament. In Manchester the pubs around Old Trafford were full of Germans and when the teams came out, a huge banner was unveiled across the Stretford End which read ‘The Peterborough Azzurri welcome the Azzurri’.

In other cities, they organised festivals and campsites where all the fans of the different countries congregated and it was these sorts of things that made me want to be at World Cups and European Championships – I’ve been to every one since.

From an English point of view I think there are three things that have become so important 12 years on. One was the St George’s Cross. Secondly, we acquired a new national anthem. I don’t think Three Lions is the greatest tune, but whenever England play and they put it on the PA system, the whole place completely erupts.

The third thing is that the England-Scotland game had importance way beyond football because it began the process of Scotland having a referendum over devolution – which happened a year later. At Euro 96, it was so obvious that we were two completely separate nations.

When Gordon Brown waxes lyrical about the return of the Home Nations and the Union Jack, he really is on a different planet to those people who got to see those games at Wembley and Hampden Park.”

The German: Matthias Sammer
“Even today, a smile crosses my face as soon as I hear 'Football’s coming home...'. There was very much the feeling we were in the motherland of football. The enthusiasm was amazing, and although in the end people didn’t like us too much because we beat England, it’s still a highlight of my career.

At Euro 96, we didn’t have the best German team. The ones in 1992 and 1994 had better players, but having lost to Denmark in the final and Bulgaria in the quarter-finals respectively, there was a real determination to go all the way.

There were sides with better individuals and Italy – who had the best tactics – went out in the group stages. What we had was a great team spirit. Players like Mehmet Scholl and Oliver Bierhoff didn’t play every game, Jurgen Klinsmann was injured for some games, Thomas Helmer, Jurgen Kohler and Stefan Kuntz missed the final. But we knew there wouldn’t be many more tournaments for most of us – we had, let’s say, a mature team – so we were determined to overcome any problems.

Take the game against Croatia. We lost Klinsmann through injury, Suker scored to make it 1-1, but we still came back to win. Or beating England at Wembley in the semi-finals – a real task, I can tell you. Anderton hit the post, Gascoigne almost won it... It was a great game against a great team and we only didn’t lose because we wanted the win so desperately.

What people don’t know is that there was also one ‘scandal’ surrounding the German team, with complaints about us going in the sauna without bathing trunks. It obviously wasn’t en vogue to go in naked, as we did…"

FEATURE Euro 96: England's Glory
FEATURE Euro 96: Scotland the brave
FEATURE Euro 96: Watching with the fans
VIDEO LIST The 10 best goals of Euro 96

Meanwhile, from the web's best football interview archive...

Euro 96: Scotland the brave

2011-06-22T10:03:00Z

It's 15 years since Euro 96, and here's more from FourFourTwo's contemporary coverage. Thanks to England's demolition of the Dutch, Scotland were in the last eight for 16 minutes – and Olivia Blair was with the Tartan Army at Villa Park

How typical of the theatrical nature of football, with all its plots and sub-plots. The massed ranks of the Tartan Army on the 5.18pm from Birmingham New Street to Villa Park had been clapping their hands because they hated the English; at 8.47pm they were clapping because they loved the English – only to be forced to revert to type because of the splayed legs of an English goalkeeper and the deftness of a Dutch touch.

If football was merely fiction, not a matter of life and death, then Villa Park on 17 June was the stage for a blockbuster. There was irony that Scotland’s fate should as usual lie elsewhere, this time in the hands of an Auld Enemy who had so comprehensively slain them at Wembley; and drama too, the ebb and flow of the game dictated by the events unfolding 100 miles to the south, leaving those watching elated, and finally deflated, in that cruel manner that is so unique to football.

To recap: Scotland, having drawn 0-0 with Holland and lost 2-0 to England, were playing their third (and what most expected to be their final) game of Euro 96. They needed to win 2-0 against Switzerland and hope that the English would beat the Dutch 3-0 in order for both the home nations to go through to the quarter-finals. Possible, yes; likely, no, given that the Scots hadn’t got beyond the first-round stage of any finals in nine attempts.

"We will continue to play with great industry against the Swiss and just see what happens," Craig Brown had said after the defeat by England, ever cautious, ever canny.
Some of the players were blunter in their optimism. Goalkeeper Andy Goram, later to make his third world-class save in as many matchers when he clawed away a header from Kubilay Turkyilmaz (left free when Colin Hendry turned centre-forward in a frantic last 10 minutes), said: "Two-nil? Nae bother, I’m playing up front." Goram had been scoring from swerving 12-yard free-kicks in training, but desperate as Scotland were to end their goal drought, he didn’t get to take any set-pieces.

Training, the day before the Swiss game

No, the better solution was for Brown to play his trump card. Ally McCoist had found few scraps to feed on during the 24 minutes he’d been given against England, but according to Brown the 33-year-old striker had been "training like a beast all week". He still needed three bites of the cherry, however, Swiss keeper Marco Pascolo flailing out a hand and a left leg to deny the Rangers striker two certain goals within the first six minutes.

It was typical McCoist that he made amends eight minutes before half-time with the hardest chance of the lot, playing a give-and-go with Gary McAllister and striking a sweet, rising right-foot shot from 22 yards past Pascolo, to register Scotland’s first championship-finals goal in exactly four years. If it was emotional to watch McCoist racing straight into the arms of Brown, imagine what Brown himself thought. "I suddenly found myself out on the touchline," he said later, "but I don’t really know how I got there."

"C'm'ere Brownie ya big gorgeous..."

Talk about Bravehearts. Goram was commanding, Hendry majestic, McAllister and John Collins so assured in midfield, passing their way out of trouble in neat triangles, Tosh McKinlay and Tommy Boyd marauding down the left, McCoist and Gordon Durie so focused. In particular, man of the match Stuart McCall stood out, tackling tiressly, the epitome of Scotland’s spirit and organisation.

And the Tartan Army, fervent as ever, played an even bigger than customary role. "Get intae them" and "All we are saying is give us a goal" they roared as the news filtered through of England’s first goal against the Dutch. And then, as the second, third and fourth goals went in at Wembley, the crescendo from the terraces told the story. 'We knew from the punters’ reactions that we were through at one point," admitted Goram.

Can it possibly be true...?

For 16 magic, mind-boggling minutes, so they were. And just before Patrick Kluivert slipped the ball through David Seaman’s legs to send Scotland homewards to think again, the prospect of meeting France at Anfield in the second quarter-final crossed thousands of minds. Then it was gone again as quickly as it had come. It had been too good to be true.

As the players did their lap of honour, McAllister in tears, the sobering thought occurred that a team which scores just one goal in four-and-a-half hours of football can't really expect to succeed. But that’s what’s so uncanny about Scotland. They did succeed, in lifting the tournament because they lifted themselves: a team lacking the stars of the past, but with enough spirit to more than make up for it.

Coisty waves farewell

If you’d have been in Stratford in the wee hours of the next morning you’d have seen the same spirit still very much in evidence. Or heard it, anyway. Long after the players had been debriefed and awarded their caps, the strains of Flower of Scotland echoed from The Old Tramway pub – and the noise wasn’t coming from the Tartan Army. There was sadness, but still hope. "Och, it was terrible," said Durie as the players packed their bags to catch the 12.30pm flight back to Glasgow the next day, "but we’ll be back". McCoist was even more upbeat: "We’ll be back and we’ll be world-beaters."

Last out of their Stratford hotel, but by no means least, was manager Brown, to whom total respect is due: his quiet dignity inspired players and fans alike. "Mind now, nothing fancy son," Bob Shankly had said to a certain young midfielder when Bill’s brother was Dundee manager in the early 1960s. Brown obviously heeded the advice. But Scotland still delighted us.

FEATURE Euro 96: England's Glory
FEATURE Euro 96: Watching with the fans
VIDEO LIST The 10 best goals of Euro 96

From the web's best football interview archive...

INTERVIEW Ask a Silly Question, Mar 2009: Teddy Sheringham
"If they wanted to clone me, it'd be interesting to see the reaction"
INTERVIEW Perfect XI, Sep 2006: Tony Adams
"There’s an art to making things look easy – that’s why I've picked him"
INTERVIEW One-on-One, Sep 2005: Paul Gascoigne
"I trained with Goram every day, so I knew how to beat him"

Euro 96: Watching with the fans

2011-06-21T09:30:00Z

It was the first major tournament on these isles in 30 years: you may recall that football was "coming home". The then FourFourTwo editor Paul Simpson set out to watch it with the fans…

Can't cross. Can’t take a free-kick to save their lives. Always giving away free-kicks just outside the box. Can’t get a corner in the box and away from the keeper. This isn’t an assassination of any particular footballer, just an all-too-accurate description of too many of the teams who competed in the football fest that was Euro 96.

Somehow, by the end, it didn’t really matter. But for too much of the time fans watched games which were littered with mistakes which would have made any Endsleigh League Third Division coach wince.

Turkey v Croatia in Group D, which was my first in-the-flesh experience of Euro 96, was just such an encounter. Not for the first time, the fans were more impressive than the players. Some 19,000 Turkish fans and 700 Croats filled the City Ground with noise and banners (one of the Turks’ banners wished all the best to "Queen Elizabeth II, symbol of the British nation and to all good English gentleman").

They were briefly united when Queen’s We Will Rock You came over the PA and they all sang the chorus together. The Croats were so taken with the chorus that they sang it over and over in their fake American accents throughout the game. But then they’re a musical bunch: one of their squad is called Elvis Brajkovic, presumably named after the man who gave us Hound Dog and There’s No Room To Rhumba In A Sports Car.

The teams came out and the tension dropped. The Turks started brightly and faded, the Croats started dimly and faded. Zvonimir Boban got caught in possession more often in one game than some cat burglars do in their entire careers. The Turkish fans whistled whenever the Croats got the ball, but when the Turks got the ball, the Croats remained resolutely silent.

The Croats settled the issue in the 81st minute. Elvis didn’t come off the bench, not even to wiggle his hips, possibly because the Croats were still singing Queen songs. And that, as they say, is about as good as it gets. Both sides have excuses: the weather is foul (metal walls of water sweep across the pitch in the second half) and their eardrums were probably punctured by the non-stop whistling of 19,000 Turkish fans for 92 minutes.

Balkan celebrations (Simmo not pictured)

The weather soon improved but the football took a little longer to warm up, as did some of the fans. At St James’ Park for the Bulgaria-Romania derby I think I heard the Romanian fans cheer once, but they were drowned out by the sounds of the journalist next to me twiddling her thumbs.

Crosses continued to be ludicrously over-hit (it wasn’t just Steve McManaman who didn’t get many good crosses in) and free-kicks in allegedly dangerous positions continued to get ballooned over the bar. The only player who seemed to have a handle on how to strike a dead ball was Trifon Ivanov, who struck the ball so well you couldn’t help but wonder how accurate he’d be if he bothered to open both eyes when he was kicking the ball. With one eye half-closed and the other swivelling apparently on a separate axis both to his other eye and the rest of his head, Ivanov tried (successfully) to patrol the Bulgarian penalty area like a disgruntled werewolf.

His hairstyle helped. He looked as if he’d tried to save money by agreeing to have his hair cut by the first-year intake at the local hairdressers’ college in Vienna, where he plays his club football. But at least he hadn’t fallen for the Kevin Keegan Head Over Heels mid-1970s bubble-perm which too many of his team-mates, including Krassimir Balakov, obviously considered the height of fashion. The bubble-perm count when the Czechs took the field against the Russians was even higher.

Ivanov rubs Stoichkov's head, possibly for luck

You expect such patent unsophistication from eastern Europeans but the bubble perm also appears enduringly popular in Germany – possibly because of King Kev’s halcyon days at Hamburg. There was Andreas Moller, allegedly a flair player, who when he came out of the tunnel against the Czechs, bore a striking facial resemblance to Sir Cliff when he was forever failing to win the Eurovision Song Contest. Moller is a very cool talent who can't help the fact that he looks very uncool indeed. After banging away the winning penalty against England in the semi-final, he tried to impersonate Gazza’s crazed, celebratory strut but he simply ended up looking like Rowan Atkinson doing Mr Bean.

Moller, like many of his team-mates (particularly those who play for Bayern Munich), was rather too fond of falling over for my taste. And anyone who criticises the refereeing standards at Euro 96 should remember that because of the gamesmanship of some teams (the Germans were by no means the worst), referees were forced to make twice as many decisions as they needed to.

Hristo Stoichkov, who can swear at referees in more European languages than any other international footballer, was booked in his first game for suggesting that a Spanish player should be booked. This policy was then quietly dropped, possibly because the referee in the Spain v France game realised he might have to book all 10 Spanish players, all of whom were always suggesting that every time they went for a header they’d been elbowed by the nearest French player. At least that’s how I interpreted the continuous elbow gestures of the Spanish players, though it’s always possible that they were signalling to the team chief that they wanted Chicken Tonight again for dinner.

The inevitable result? More errors. And there were some wonderful errors in Euro 96: the Romanian goal that wasn’t, the Czech penalty that wasn’t, the German golden goal which was offside, the Spanish offside goal that was probably onside, the Stoichkov onside goal against Spain that was declared offside… The worst refereeing was in the Germany v Croatia quarter-final where the Swedish referee appeared to have forgotten the law banning violent conduct, possibly because the Swedes have studiously avoided any violent conduct for the last 400 years with their policy of complete neutrality.

So, as the tournament wore on, the refereeing grew worse and the crosses failed to get any better. As, sadly, did the Turks. I was particularly disappointed watching Hakan Sukur, to whom I paid particular attention against Portugal. My notes on ‘the Bull’ read as follows: "Hakan gesticulates to team-mate to move… Hakan shoots over the top... Hakan plays useless ball on the edge of box... Hakan penalised for tugging... Hakan is frowning again... Hakan mumbles an apology after missing a sitter."

Sukur spots a pen-wielding journalist

He wasn’t alone in his crisis of confidence. The rest of his team were suffering from the same inferiority complex, frustrating those like Graeme Souness who’d hoped they’d do more than just turn up and get stuffed. "I’ve been banging on about that for 18 months," he said, the day after their first defeat, while he was on the phone from Glasgow airport. "They’ve just got to believe in themselves."

But the Turks weren’t the only ones to face a crisis of confidence. The English had, within a few days of the Swiss game, sunk into a gloom from which only a victory against the Scots would lift them. I watched the Swiss game in my new local in Shepperton with two new-found drinking partners, Danny and Tom, who hailed from Terry Venables’ neck of the woods in Dagenham. ("We went to the same school as Tony Adams," Tom informed me proudly after his fifth pint of Guinness.)

Danny was the more voluble of the two and, before kick-off, had stood at the bar and declaimed: "I’m looking for a good performance from England today. I think it’ll be 2-0. And it will be a very strong and classy performance." Two hours, seven pints of Guinness and one peach schnapps later, he stood in the same spot trying to order a round and saying over and over: "I’m gutted. Absolutely gutted. Gutted. Gutted. Gutted."

The nation remained gutted until Shearer and Gazza gave us the tonic we needed. But nothing could prepare us for the Holland game. I watched that in a pub too – a Dutch one called De Hems, off Shaftesbury Avenue. Before the game the Dutch fans were sitting around drinking Oranjeboom and wearing T-shirts saying that Princess Diana was screwing up, they were in our pub and were going to win the Cup (they’d made them themselves, they told me proudly, when I asked).

That certainly was the pre-tournament expectation but upstairs I watched with a crowd of Dutch fans as the goals kept going in. At 3-0, a Dutch fan was sober enough to say that if England scored another, they were out. And then it happened. By this time, the whole experience was beginning to feel thoroughly unreal. Exhilaration isn’t one of the emotions with which you’re supposed to watch England. No, there’s all those other -ations: desperation, frustration, devastation, but a state of exhilaration bordering on rapture? Absolutely not.

I thought at this point of standing on my chair and shouting: "Johan Cruyff, Ruud Gullit, Vincent van Gogh, your boys have taken a hell of a beating!" but the Dutch fans were being so nice. Here they were, 4-0 down, going out of Euro 96, and were they laying waste to Central London? No, they were contenting themselves with aiming the occasional swear word at Paul Gascoigne and saying "Two pints of Oranjeboom please barman" in their mother tongue.

Dutch fans patiently wait to celebrate

Then Kluivert scored and they were back in. The Dutch woman next to me was complaining: "We don’t deserve to go through. We’re not good enough." I advised her not to be so silly, that the English had been celebrating undeserved victories for years and there was no need to feel guilty about it.

England 4 Holland 1 was the biggest shock of Euro 96 but there were plenty of after-tremors. Like the Czechs beating the Italians. I was especially surprised by that because I was listening to the last few minutes on Capital Gold on the way back from Turkey v Portugal. When Casiraghi went clean through, bloody Jonathan Pearce ran through every vowel in the alphabet and invented a few new ones, thereby convincing me the Italians had equalised. Eventually, after 30 seconds of vowel sounds, he gasped: "Missed!"

But the quarter-finalists were, Czechs apart, sadly predictable. I knew Spain were going to lose because I had touched an Orange ball on my TV screen the night before at the behest of Uri Geller – even though as I did so I wondered: if orange is such a powerful colour, how come the Dutch lost 4-1?

The least surprising part of the run-up to the semis came when Daily Mirror editor Piers Morgan declared soccer war on Jerry. Fortunately he was dragged from the cockpit by his boss David Montgomery moments before he could lead a squadron of Lancasters on a dawn raid on Bayern Munich.

I wanted the Czechs to reach the final because all the commentators so obviously didn’t. Kevin Keegan liked the French, he made that very clear when they played Spain. But then the French, against Spain, played some fluent flowing football and threw away a 1-0 lead in the last five minutes. Now which Premier League team does that remind you of?

Berger consoles Djorkaeff after the French go out

The Czechs went through on penalties and so, after a lot of hope and grief, did the Germans. Everybody says penalty shoot-outs are a lottery. Not when you’re playing the Germans. There are few certainties in life. One is that life will eventually end. Another is that everyone hates Jeremy Beadle. And a third is that Germany will win a penalty shoot-out.

For England, the worry is that our destiny in international tournaments is to finish fourth after losing to the Germans on penalties, just as the Scots are destined to go out unluckily in the first round. So in 2002, Gareth Southgate will emulate Psycho and score from the spot but some other poor bugger will miss.

I went to Wembley on that last Sunday hoping that the Germans might blow the final by falling foul of the curse of the sixes: they’d lost the World Cup Final in 1966, lost the European Championships to the Czechs in 1976, and lost the World Cup final to Argentina in 1986. Could they break this 30-year-old curse?

A young Paul Simps… no, only joking

Stupid question. They weren’t the best German side I’d ever seen but it’s a mark of their quality that they won the thing without really having to play out of their skins. England pushed them but couldn’t make the pressure tell. And the Czechs, who has less pressure but created more clear-cut chances than the English, had them worried for a while.

So what, after all that, did Euro 96 prove? That England are no longer a joke, neither are Scottish goalkeepers (try telling the one about the Romanian goalie instead), that FIFA still haven’t got the referring right, and that a disturbing number of European football fans know the words to We Will Rock You.

And just think how good the 1988 World Cup could be if a few of the players could cross the ball to one of their colleagues and get a free-kick on target. Still, as David Pleat said on Radio 5: "There’s seven trees to every person in this city." No, I don’t know what he was on about either.

FEATURE Euro 96: England's Glory – FourFourTwo's contemporary reaction

See FourFourTwo.com every day this week for more features on Euro 96. And peruse the web's best football interview archive...

INTERVIEW Perfect XI, Sep 2006: Tony Adams – "There’s an art to making things look easy – that’s why I've picked him"
INTERVIEW One-on-One, Sep 2005: Paul Gascoigne – "I trained with Goram every day, so I knew how to beat him"

Euro 96: England's Glory – FourFourTwo's contemporary reaction

2011-06-20T09:30:00Z

It's 15 years since Euro 96, so we thought we'd spend a week looking back at the last major tournament held on these shores, with the help of FourFourTwo's unparalleled archive. For instance, in the first issue after Euro 96, FFT's founding editor Karen Buchanan's leading article summed up the mood of the English...

In May, the idea of waiting up for football to come home seemed ridiculous. England would stagger in at 3am, smelling of alcohol and kebabs, and produce a wilted bunch of flowers by way of an apology. Meantime, in a state of worried anticipation, I would have called friends, family, the police and finally, fearing the worst, the hospital. Yeah, right: why overload the system with another few weeks of hurt tacked onto the previous 30 years?

By eight minutes past 10 on Wednesday 26 June [when England beat Holland 4-1] I was glad I’d decided to hang on in there. I could list the superlatives that described my emotions at that moment but it would be quicker to photocopy the pages of Roget’s Thesaurus. What a game!

And what a championship. Prior to 8 June my indifference to the England side (borne out of the last six years of unspectacular monotony) was matched only by the ferocity of the tabloids’ condemnation of them. England expects... er, nothing, actually. Although a goal would be nice.

The official England team song underlined the apathy inherent in every England fan. Sure, we could hope, but realistically there were 30 years of clichés to deal with first. Just as the Scots are gallant losers, so England are the unlucky labourers. Ha! Just ask a Dutchman who wears the clogs in European football now!

What clues were there to the Tangoing on one of the best nights Wembley has ever seen? Certainly not the dull performance 10 days before against the Swiss. My own lethargy was matched only by that of the players and – lock me up in the Towers of Wembley for saying so – I started willing the Swiss to gain the equaliser they so deserved. (For their plucky show, of course.) The Swiss looked fitter, brighter; hell, they even had the impudence to look technically better than us. England, for much of the second half, looked as though Uri Geller had put them in a trance.

The gentlemen of the press busied themselves asking rhetorical questions about whether the players’ allegedly high intake of alcohol had had a detrimental effect on their performance. The Sun had said "The only thing we’ll win is the Men Behaving Badly trophy for drunken also-rans". Sadly the Mirror scooped them again, clinching that award for their own horrendously OTT anti-German campaign a few weeks later.

Before the championship the tabloids condemned El Tel, the squad, the beers, the tactics, the secret pictures of Paul Ince having a beer at a friend's barbecue (ooh, shocker, Ince in unwinding-with-pals exclusive!), Gazza’s birthday celebrations (tabloid hacks never get drunk on their birthdays; everyone needs a night off), the beers… alright, there were quite a few beers. But the age-old ‘them and us’ confrontations between rabid press and tired and emotional players left me cold. Here we go, here we go, here we go. Again. Boring, boring England. Boring, boring tabloids.

Eventually, of course, those same tabloids were forced to overdose on humble pie: The Mirror ran a front-page apology to Paul Gascoigne the Monday after the victory over Scotland – and ran a campaign to rid the world of Harry Harris.

But the big question remains: in the days between the Swiss and Dutch matches did Venables threaten death, spice the players’ food with cocaine or bring in a crack squad of 12-year-olds to show them how to trap a ball? Or had he shown cunning over and above the call of duty? Like a rambler facing a savage bear and remembering that the best survival technique is to pretend to be dead, had Venables told his team to play dead in order that the trap he planned to spring on the Dutch would have an even greater element of surprise?

Whatever; three days after the Scotland game England turned the Orangemen distinctly green and an entire nation got repetitive strain injury from leaping up and down in front of the telly to celebrate yet another goal. Don’t know about the trophy, but the smiles were coming home. Having given footy to the world and got it back with knobs on, finally we could play them at their own game.

Oops! Three steps forward, two steps back, Spain was a scrappy affair; penalties a tense relief from the nailbiting but nonetheless disappointing tedium of the preceding 120 minutes. Once again we were up against a technically better side; once again we showed our battling spirit. To be fair, with Tony Adams injured and Ince suspended, England really weren’t in a position to play from the back, but Holland still moved back one place in the memory banks.

The build-up to the semi-final against Germany was everything you’d have expected– and less. Having sent a reporter behind "enemy lines" and declared "soccer war" on Germany, the Mirror was forced to retreat as it realised the country wanted to look forward to the game, not hark back to the past. And what a game!

Gone are the imperialist days of England Expects. Thank God. The pure joy with which most people, including the tabloids, celebrated England’s semi-final fling rather than slumping into recriminations about what might have been, suggests that instead of "England Expects", "England is bloody grateful to have seen such a thrilling, brilliant game of football".

And to have found heroes again. To be proud of our team. And not just for their ‘indefatigable British Bulldog spirit’. The words silky, skills and England suddenly didn’t look out of place in the same sentence. Euro 96 both confirmed our prejudices – Seaman is in the top five keepers in the world – and turned them on their head. Pearce was a hero again, Shearer finished as top scorer. We discovered Gareth Southgate. And discovered that, as well as being an extremely competent defender, and as well as being the only defender we had who really understood the word distribution, he had bottle.

So we lost. So what? We only just lost. We had a feast of football and fun. And, actually, we were really rather good.

FEATURE Euro 96: Scotland the brave
FEATURE Euro 96: Watching with the fans
VIDEO LIST The 10 best goals of Euro 96

Meanwhile, from the web's best football interview archive...

INTERVIEW Ask a Silly Question, Mar 2009: Teddy Sheringham
"If they wanted to clone me, it'd be interesting to see the reaction"
INTERVIEW Perfect XI, Sep 2006: Tony Adams
"There’s an art to making things look easy; that’s why I've picked him"
INTERVIEW One-on-One, Sep 2005: Paul Gascoigne
"I trained with Goram every day, so I knew how to beat him"

Report Card: Tottenham, West Brom, West Ham, Wigan & Wolves

2011-06-03T07:30:00Z

We wrap up a week of 'rating and slating' on FourFourTwo.com with a look at the five teams ranked lowest when it comes to that darned alphabet. Our ratings are a reflection of pre-season expectations and the campaign as a whole - not just the Premier League...

Tottenham Hotspur
League position: 5th - W16 D14 L8 F55 A46 Pts62
FA Cup: Fourth Round
Carling Cup: Third Round
Champions League: Quarter-finalists
RATING: C

Had you approached any realistic Tottenham fan at the start of the season with the offer of a Champions League quarter-final and a fifth placed finish in the Premier League, they would probably have accepted it as a more than adequate campaign.

Few would’ve had Harry Redknapp’s side down as likely winners of Group A when they were drawn alongside FC Twente, Werder Bremen and holders Inter - but thanks largely to a commendable if naïve commitment to attacking football, they topped the group with 11 points. Even if the manner of their dismantling at the hands of Real Madrid in the quarterfinals served as a reminder of how far they are from the very top, highly impressive wins at home to Inter and away to AC Milan will live long in the memory.

Yet, despite making a considerable splash during their first dip in Michel Platini‘s big fancy swimming pool, this season should be considered one of missed opportunities on the domestic front. They were eliminated from both cups in humiliating fashion, while a string of disappointing home results in the spring cost them any chance of taking the race for a top four spot to the wire.

While only Wigan left White Hart Lane with three points, the Lilywhites drew nine home matches, including clashes with West Ham, West Brom and Blackpool during the run-in. In fact, Redknapp’s men took just 11 points from ten matches against the bottom five, twelve fewer than Manchester City managed in the same fixtures. It’s not a stretch to conclude this is where Spurs fell short - and William Gallas and Rafael van der Vaart have said as much themselves.

While Harry Redknapp was quick to dismiss fans’ concerns by reasoning that catching City was a nigh-on impossible task given the clubs’ respective budgets, Yaya Toure’s alleged gargantuan wages weren’t what stopped Spurs scoring a goal in 180 minutes against a West Ham side who finished bottom, and merely bettering last season’s points total by one would’ve seen them finish joint-second.

The club are already feeling the first effects of failing to return to European football’s top table next term, with the likes of Luka Modric, Gareth Bale and Sandro being linked with moves away from N17. While it’s questionable whether Redknapp’s apathetic claim that this season was “as good as it’s gonna get” will encourage his stars that their long-term futures lie at White Hart Lane, his evident popularity with those regularly involved in the first team should see most commit to the club for at least another 12 months - which ‘appily for ‘arry is about how long he‘ll be planning to hang around himself…

STAR MAN Luka Modric. While Gareth Bale and Rafael van der Vaart hogged the headlines (and the above picture), the 5ft7 schemer was the man who really made Tottenham tick. They simply must hold onto him.

Words: James Maw

West Bromwich Albion
League position: 11th - W12 D11 L15 F56 A71 Pts47
FA Cup: Third round
League Cup: Quarter-finals
RATING: B-

West Bromwich Albion supporters are well versed in the art of success followed by failure, having seesawed to and from the top tier on four occasions since 2001/02. So avoiding relegation with so much to spare will have been particularly pleasing, despite having to dispose of their manager halfway through.

Roberto Di Matteo had guided Albion out of the Championship at the first attempt, but fans could be forgiven expecting yet another tale of woe among the big boys as champions Chelsea welcomed them back with a 6-0 drubbing.

But the former Blue had other ideas, as his side embarked on an eight-match unbeaten run over September and October. A 3-2 victory at Arsenal preceded a 2-2 draw at Manchester United – with the Baggies the only team to pick up anything at Old Trafford all season – and progression to the last eight of the League Cup, all done in the style you would expect from the Italian.

All appeared rosy in the West Midlands, but the storm clouds were circling as West Brom’s fortunes took a dramatic turn for the worse. A 4-1 win at Everton was a rare highlight as the Baggies lost 13 of 18 games in all competitions, with a 3-0 loss at Manchester City in early February proving the straw that broke Di Matteo’s back, with results steadily conspiring against the Italian.

Two places, and two points, above the relegation zone after 25 games played; supporters had seen this all before. Yet few would have predicted what was to follow. Roy Hodgson, fresh from his humiliating ousting at Anfield, took the reins just in time to see them take a 3-0 half-time lead against West Ham… only to draw 3-3.

But that collapse would be as stressful as it would get for the Hawthorns faithful, as Woy’s structured and disciplined approach – which had worked wonders for Fulham – began to have a similar effect on Albion.

The Baggies were beaten just twice in their final 13 outings to comfortably finish eight points clear of danger. And having blown a three-goal lead in the opening game of the Hodgson era, West Brom ended the season by coming from 3-0 down to draw at Newcastle.

The challenge now is to replicate that mid-table finish, which alone should breed confidence among supporters – so used to struggling at the foot of the top division. Keeping top scorer Peter Odemwingie will go a long way to achieving that goal, as well as strengthening in defence. Gareth McAuley has already arrived from Ipswich, while hot prospect Craig Dawson, who spent the season on loan at former club Rochdale in League One, awaits the opportunity to prove his worth at the highest level.

STAR MAN Peter Odemwingie. The Nigerian’s 15 league goals played no small part in the club preserving their top-flight status – 25 of the Baggies’ 47 points came from games in which he found the back of the net.

Words: Gregg Davies

West Ham United
League position: 20th – W7 D12 L19 F43 A70 Pts33
FA Cup: Quarter-finals
League Cup: Semi-finals
RATING: F

After surviving the drop last season, West Ham succumbed to AvramGrant-itis: having a nice cup run but finishing the season relegated.

No doubt reaching the FA Cup quarter-finals and the League Cup semis were two massive achievements, but with nothing coming at the end of either journey, all each campaign did was distract from the league battle and deprive an injury-wracked squad of rest time. While the cup runs did bring some happy moments for the fans - not least a freak thumping of Manchester United in the League Cup - ultimately, they will have been small comfort to fans still fondly remembering glory days.

West Ham should have stayed up. Indeed, they were doing just that in March, but one point from their last eight fixtures condemned them to the Championship. In contrast, survivors Wigan took 12 in the same period.

There were some bad ventures in the transfer market. Winston Reid may be young and have a World Cup goal to his name, rare in New Zealand, but he was never going to live up to a £4 million fee. Pablo Barrera, with the same pricetag, never looked the part. Then came the loans. Victor Obinna was fast but lacking in direction, Robbie Keane seemed unmotivated and Wayne Bridge endured a nightmare debut against Arsenal, at fault for all three of the Gunners’ goals. And when you’re paying an overweight striker £1.5 million just to leave you alone, as happened with Benni McCarthy, you have to question whether the club’s finances were being prudently handled.

But West Ham had bad luck, too. Gary O’Neil performed well before he was Reo-Cokered and Thomas Hitzlsperger, out with a thigh injury, didn’t make his bow until February, leading fans to wonder ‘What if?’ as he marked his first two appearances by setting up two goals and scoring a stunner himself.

At least Demba Ba was a superb acquisition. The Senegalese forward scored more goals in his 12 appearances than any other West Ham player managed all season. What happens to him now remains to be seen.

In short, West Ham had the players to avoid the drop – but not the manager. The only question was whether more blame should fall on Avram Grant, a leader so uninspiring he famously left a rabble-rousing team-talk to captain Scott Parker, or the board for appointing then sticking with him.

But West Ham will be back – most likely next season, if Sam Allardyce can work his magic.

STAR MAN Scott Parker. Who else? Hammer of the Year for a third season running, his stock has risen indescribably, even if his one-man crusade against relegation did eventually fail.

Words: Huey Davies

Wigan Athletic
League position: 16th – W9 D15 L14 F40 A61 Pts 42
FA Cup: Fourth Round
League Cup: Quarter-finals
RATING: C-

Complete with record-breaking signings, a snazzy new kit and a raft of weaker-looking teams to keep them off the bottom, Wigan must have had relatively high hopes for the 2010/11 season. Yet things looked less rosy going into the final seven games, as the Latics sat rock bottom of the league with five away games to come.

What had happened? Most of all, Wigan lacked consistency: terrific results (a smash ‘n’ grab 2-2 draw with Arsenal) were followed by dire displays (a terrible showing in a 1-0 loss to Newcastle), and dire displays (a 6-0 home hammering from Chelsea) were followed by terrific results (a 1-0 win at Tottenham). This was a team that won its first back-to-back league matches under Martinez after nearly two years in charge, in the final two games of the season.

On the plus side, James McCarthy, signed from Hamilton, proved what a rising star he is – not to be confused with James McArthur, signed from Hamilton, who didn’t.

Ali Al-Habsi was an inspired signing on loan from Bolton, pulling off a string of unlikely saves throughout the season to keep his team in the hunt. With the Omani keeper on top form, Wigan weren’t as porous at the back as last season, yet they lacked a serious and reliable threat upfront, too often relying upon Charles Nzogbia to dig them out of a hole. For an attacking side, albeit not a great one, Wigan rarely troubled the net – in fact, only Birmingham scored fewer goals. Part of this, of course, was down to the failure of Mauro Boselli, Wigan’s record signing at £6.5m, who failed to score in the league and was shipped off to Genoa on loan.

Ultimately, Wigan pulled it out of the bag at the very end, most memorably with an incredible comeback against West Ham, dooming the Hammers to relegation.

That second half demonstrated the Latics’ strong will. Roberto Martinez is obviously handy with a half-time team talk: across the season, his charges gained eight points from losing or drawing positions in the second half. Indeed, half of Rodallega’s goals under Martinez have come in the 15 minutes after the break – there’s definitely something in the oranges.

Is mere survival a success? Yes. But they don’t appear to be improving. Perhaps this last gasp escape will act as a kick up the backside...

STAR MAN Charles N'Zogbia. Goalkeeper Ali Al-Habsi was superb, but had it not been for the French wide-man's four goals in three matches at the end of the season, Wigan would be down.

Words: Huey Davies

Wolverhampton Wanderers
League position: 17th place - W11 D7 L20 F46 A66 40pts
FA Cup: Fourth Round
League Cup: Fourth Round
Grade: C-

Although understandably celebrated as joyfully as any cup win, Survival Sunday was the finale to a season on which Wolves have to improve. They finished two places lower than last year's 15th, they were in the drop zone after 28 of the 38 rounds and didn't notch consecutive league victories until May – but that timing says a lot for their bottle.

Although Mick McCarthy may not have the most talented squad in the top flight, few managers can call upon so many who will – to use Mick's words – "put a shift in". They beat Manchester United, Chelsea, Manchester City and Liverpool, in addition to beating local rivals West Brom, Aston Villa and Birmingham, and not just through scrapping.

After the dour 2009/10 vintage, this season Wolves became far more expansive – literally: no team put more crosses in. Although they lost and conceded more than the previous term, they also collected more wins, points and goals. Kevin Doyle, Steven Fletcher, Matt Jarvis, Jamie O'Hara and Stephen Hunt give them the firepower, but McCarthy needs to improve the players behind them.

If Wolves are to leap up the table, it won't be by throwing money at the transfer market. Since promotion in 2009 they've spent relatively little, with the £6.5m fees for Kevin Doyle and then Steven Fletcher accompanied by three or four £2-3m signings per summer.

Even so, McCarthy has had the most success by astutely plucking lower-league players with the ability to make the step up: Jarvis (signed from Gillingham), Kevin Foley (Luton) and George Elokobi (Colchester) have all featured in the Premier League more regularly than, say, Jelle van Damme (a £2.5m signing from Anderlecht last summer who was back in Belgium by Christmas).

McCarthy obviously has good feelers in the Football League and he may need them again if Jarvis is bought by a bigger club. But don't expect Mick to throw all the incoming cash at one player; he's far more likely to strengthen the squad, and may even have a ready-made replacement in Michael Kightly – signed from Grays, excellent in the Championship, injured almost ever since.

This cash-careful philosophy sits well at Wolves. The club is financially secure and well-run – debt-free, and only the big earners Arsenal and Manchester United spend a lower percentage of turnover on wages – and owner Steve Morgan believes Wolves can establish themselves in the top flight without risking the lot. He was right this season, but only just.

Within 24 hours of surviving relegation the club commenced a 12-month £16 million redevelopment of the Stan Cullis Stand into a two-tier affair. That will only tweak the capacity up from 29,000 to 31,000 but there are further options which would raise capacity to 36,000 and then even to 50,000. Whether these expansions are affordable or desirable will depend on the level Wolves are playing at, but in an economy conspicuously underpinned by borrowing and leveraging – in football as elsewhere – it's good to see a club retain both ambition and sense.

STAR MAN Matt Jarvis. An obvious choice for a reason. The former Surrey breaststroke champion helped Wolves find pleasing width and deserved his England call-up.

Words: Gary Parkinson

Report Card: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn & Blackpool
Report Card: Bolton, Chelsea, Everton, Fulham & Liverpool
Report Card: Man City, Man Utd, Newcastle, Stoke & Sunderland

Report Card: Man City, Man Utd, Newcastle Utd, Stoke City & Sunderland

2011-06-02T11:30:00Z

It's time for the third installment of FourFourTwo.com's Premier League report cards. Today we look at four teams who had a very good season, and one who did alright for six months or so... Our ratings are a reflection of pre-season expectations and the campaign as a whole - not just the Premier League.

Manchester City
League position: 3rd - W21 D8 L9 F60 A33 Pts71
FA Cup: Winners
League Cup: Third Round
Europa League: Last 16
RATING: A

Having narrowly missed out on Champions League football a year ago, the task for Manchester City’s expensively-assembled squad was straightforward. So to have pipped Arsenal to third spot as well as ending the club’s 35-year wait for a trophy represents a job particularly well done for Roberto Mancini’s men.

The Blues’ lavish spending showed no signs of slowing two years on from Sheik Mansour’s acquisition of the club, with Mancini handed more than £100 million to bring in Yaya Toure, David Silva, James Milner, Mario Balotelli, Aleksandar Kolarov and Jerome Boateng.

But it was the ‘new’ arrival who had cost nothing, Joe Hart – back from a beneficial loan spell at Birmingham – who stole the show in City’s opening day stalemate at Spurs, with a midfield three comprising of Yaya Toure, Gareth Barry and Nigel de Jong raising eyebrows among fans expecting flowing football from their galaxy of stars.

A 3-0 drubbing of Liverpool helped allay some of those fears, but the Blues continued to splutter in the early stages of the season, losing at Sunderland before being held at home by Blackburn.

However, victory over Chelsea at Eastlands reaffirmed their belief that they could mount a serious challenge at the top of the table, as back-to-back defeats to Arsenal and Wolves in October proved merely a blip as the Blues embarked on a run of just two losses in 16 league games from November to February.

A strong end to the campaign – winning seven of their final 10 matches – coupled with Arsenal’s implosion means that Mancini’s men won’t even have to negotiate what would likely have been a tricky two-legged play-off tie to reach the lucrative Champions League group stage.

City were able to make their home a fortress, losing just twice there all season and conceding 12 league goals – as many as champions Manchester United, although they netted 15 fewer than their neighbours on their own patch.

But the Blues were often left to rely on talisman Carlos Tevez – who scored 19 times in 25 games at one stage – as Mario Balotelli and particularly Edin Dzeko, a £27 million arrival from Wolfsburg in January, struggled to shine.

Whether or not the Argentine remains in Manchester this summer could prove pivotal to City’s hopes of continued progression both domestically and abroad next term, but even if he moves on Mancini will have the resources available to try and find an able replacement.

STAR MAN Yaya Toure. A defensive linchpin for Barcelona, the gangly Ivorian was allowed to advance further forward and scored an unlikely 12 goals, including two winners at Wembley to end City’s long wait for a trophy triumph

Words: Gregg Davies

Manchester United
League position: 1st, W23 D11 L4 F78 A37 80pts
FA Cup: Semi-finalists
League Cup: Quarter-finalists
Champions League: Finalists
RATING: A

So much is written about Manchester United that it's hard to avoid cliché. Everybody with a pulse will know that they've won their 19th league title. Any sentient football fan sentient a decade ago (or internet-connected this year) will know that this means Sir Alex Ferguson has finally and fully knocked Liverpool off their perch by overtaking the Anfield outfit's number of league titles – although in truth Liverpool have been down the pecking order for the thick end of the last two decades.

Liverpool fans will still wave their five-starred flags to celebrate their continental superiority. It's in some ways a quibbling caveat but it's important not just to the Merseysiders; while seldom neglecting to mop up trophies at home, Ferguson's main focus has long been Europe.

It's therefore interesting to ask what was behind his smile at the end of his side's latest final-hurdle humbling by Barcelona. As he strode onto the Wembley pitch to gracefully congratulate his vanquishers, Ferguson was beaming. Undoubtedly it masked his own disappointment, but perhaps it was genuine pleasure at the level of football he'd just witnessed, a domination that he will well recognise from his own side's march to their latest league triumph.

Those who claim this is a poor United side are simply professional quibblers. Ferguson shuffled his pack excellently, and their home record was quite simply astonishing. They won 26 of 29 games at Old Trafford, losing none, averaging well north of two goals per game. There are justified reasons for United fans to complain about ticket hikes, but poor performance isn't among them.

United battered all visitors with a relentless fluidity they found harder to replicate on the road – Blackpool won as many league trips as the champions – but they only lost five times in 28 away games, and only the successive losses at Stamford Bridge and Anfield in early March will have really stung. (They were particularly obdurate in Europe, conceding just four goals in 12 games before the final.)

The trips that hurt the most may have been the ones at neutral Wembley. Barcelona are obviously far in advance of all others, but losing the FA Cup Semi-Final to noisy neighbours Manchester City may have Ferguson checking the rear-view mirror. The Blues ended the season qualifying automatically for the Champions League and are certainly the coming force.

Wayne Rooney was absent in the FA Cup semi but by that time he could have been playing in blue. City's huge wealth hung over United like a fist during October's ugly contract-renegotiation shenanigans, when it looked like he might be making another controversial move. United made it worth his while to stay at the club but Ferguson will know he won't be given a wage budget to match City's. In replacing players like Edwin van der Sar, Paul Scholes and possibly Dimitar Berbatov and the creaking Rio Ferdinand, he'll have to find younger men whose hunger matches his own. It seems a tall order but few will back against him doing it.

STAR MAN Javier Hernandez. This was supposed to be the year he settled into England, but his boundless enthusiasm and Solskjaer-esque finishing saw him relegate record signing (and leading scorer) Berbatov to the bench. What's that about hungry young players?

Words: Gary Parkinson

Newcastle United
League position: 12th – W11 D13 L14 F56 A57 Pts 46
FA Cup: Third Round
League Cup: Fourth Round
RATING: B-

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Newcastle fans have high expectations. But after a humbling relegation to the Championship, even the Toon Army were content with mid-table respectability in their return to the top flight.

Things didn’t look as positive after the graceless sacking of Chris Hughton in December. Faring adequately after a successful promotion season, the almost universally popular former Spurs No.2 found himself cut adrift after a largely inconsequential defeat to West Bromwich Albion. Yet, however unmerited, his dismissal and Alan Pardew’s subsequent appointment proved not to be disastrous.

Pardew led Newcastle to a more than respectable league finish; one that bordered on the miraculous once Andy Carroll was sold in the dying minutes of the January transfer window with no time to find an adequate replacement.

Bizarrely, Newcastle still scored plenty; their average of 1.47 goals per game was higher than any team besides Manchester City and the traditional Big Four.

Shola Ameobi, Peter Lovenkrands and Leon Best conspired to net 18 times between them, more than useful in the circumstances, while Kevin Nolan contributed 12 from midfield. Admittedly, Shefki Kuqi was an unneeded panic signing and Nile Ranger – he of the 23 sub appearances but only one start (and no goals either) – could only look threatening when holding a gun, but things could have been significantly worse.

There were also losses at the other end to be dealt with, with regular No.1 Steve Harper injured for much of the season. Though there would be no harm in firming up the defence with a small portion of that £35 million ‘replacement for Carroll’ kitty, Jose Enrique and a revitalised Fabricio Coloccini put in assured performances, the former doing enough to stir links with Liverpool.

Joey Barton vastly matured - when he wasn’t declaring himself the country’s best midfielder since Stanley Slicedbread, and Hatem Ben Arfa looked a quality signing before his season was cut brutally short. Cheik Tiote, too, was superb when he wasn’t jaundiced, his Premier League record-equalling total of 14 yellow cards helping Newcastle to a league-topping tally of bookings.

There was the odd embarrassment: namely, four-goal defeats to Stoke and Bolton, not to mention five bookings in the opening five games for James Perch, woefully out of his depth, and the fact they paid Sol Campbell a wage for a year only for the veteran defender to play less than nine hours of competitive football. But an especially enjoyable 5-1 demolition of fierce rivals Sunderland, plus an ego-boosting 6-0 thrashing of Aston Villa and that legendary made-for-DVD comeback against Arsenal, won’t be forgotten.

And with ready money to spend after some shrewd business acumen / sheer bloody luck over the Carroll transfer, next year could be even better.

STAR MAN Kevin Nolan – his leadership was crucial during the rockier periods, and at times he looked to be Newcastle’s only goal threat

Words: Huw Davies

Stoke City
League position: 13th - W13 D7 L18 F46 A48 Pts46
FA Cup: Runners-up
League Cup: Fourth round
RATING: B+

Although ending the season in 13th place in the Premier League represented Stoke’s worst finish since their return to the ‘big time’ in 2008, this season was almost certainly the most successful the club has enjoyed since the mid-70s.

This was, of course, thanks to the Potters’ run to the first FA Cup Final of their 148-year history. And while they didn’t have to overcome any of the big guns to get there, their path was not the most straightforward. They faced tricky-looking trips to Cardiff and Wolves, followed by a quarter-final tie with a West Ham side who at that point, for once, were actually in form.

With those hurdles successfully cleared, Bolton lay in wait in the Wembley semi-final. Most pundits were predicting a closely-fought match between two groups of players desperate for a rare shot at glory, yet it would ultimately prove to be the most one-sided FA Cup semi since 1939. A masterful display caught everybody - not least a shell-shocked Bolton - by surprise. The 5-0 score-line was a fair reflection of the gulf between the two teams on the day, and the performance did a lot to dispel a few common and startlingly persistent misconceptions about this Stoke side.

Despite the perceived wisdom that they are solely a ‘long ball’ side reliant on set-pieces, the Potters’ two key players - both in the semi-final and over the course of the season - have been fleet-footed, technically-gifted wingers. With Jermaine Pennant working the right flank and Matthew Etherington bombing down the left, Tony Pulis’ side have added an extra dimension to their play. As Stoke fans are quick to point out with their ironic chants, they no longer only score from throw-ins.

This made it all the more baffling that they appeared to revert to type in the final against Manchester City, creating little from open play and rarely giving the opposition defence much to think about as they were defeated 1-0 thanks to a second half goal from Yaya Toure.

Despite the defeat, the Potters won a place in next season’s Europa League, meaning they will play in competitive European competition for the first time in over 30 years. Who knows, should the unlikely happen and Barcelona finish third place in their Champions League group, we could be about to see whether Messi and co. really could do it on a wet and windy midweek evening at the Britannia…

STAR MAN Matthew Etherington. The Cornish wide-man just edges out Pennant. The biggest shame was that he wasn’t fully fit for the FA Cup Final.

Words: James Maw

SUNDERLAND
League position: 10th - W12 D11 L15 F45 A56 47pts
FA Cup: Third Round
League Cup: Third Round
RATING: C

When Sunderland sold Darren Bent to Aston Villa in mid-January, wise men said that it was a good deal for the Mackems. Bent had submitted a transfer request, £18 million (and rising) was a good price, there was time to sign a replacement and Steve Bruce had other options already on board anyway.

Wise men were wrong. Although Sunderland won their next game (at Blackpool), they got one point from the next 27, plummeting from Europe-chasing sixth place to just five points above the drop zone.

At the heart of the bad run was a lack of goals. Asamoah Gyan had purple patches but also went six weeks without scoring on three separate occasions, Manchester United loanee Danny Welbeck seemed the heir apparent to Bent but missed swathes of the season through injury, while Fraizer Campbell also spent almost all the season on the treatment table.

While Bent banged in nine in 16 games for Villa (and two in two for England), over the season only Wigan, Birmingham and West Ham scored fewer league goals than Sunderland's 45 – and that figure would have been much lower without the four against Wigan and three against Blackburn, West Ham and Chelsea away.

That last game was perhaps the result of the season, although Newcastle will point with glee to a 5-1 derby win at St James' Park. Sunderland got a soupçon of schadenfreude in revenge when Gyan's 94th-minute leveller denied the neighbours a double, and the Mackems nipped above the Mags on the last day to retain local bragging rights.

The question is whether that's enough for Sunderland. Their fans will tell you all day that they're a huge club, and with a billionaire chairman and a famous manager they should be aiming higher than parochial one-upmanship. A cup run wouldn't go amiss either: their fans watched them limp out of the League Cup at the second hurdle to West Ham and embarrass themselves in the FA Cup Third Round against third-tier Notts County.

Bruce will say he's taking the club in the right direction – their finishing position of 10th was their best in a decade – but they need to be chasing a top-eight place as a matter of course rather than an occasional fancy. One of the most hurtful things about Bent's move was that at the time Villa were 11 places below Sunderland, yet still perceived by many (including Bent) to be a bigger club. Bruce needs more consistency and determination from his men to prove Bent wrong.

STAR MAN Phil Bardsley The right-back would happily have joined Blackpool last summer if they'd matched his wages. Instead he buckled down, playing at left-back when necessary, and broke into the Scotland set-up. Sunderland need more like him.

Words: Gary Parkinson

Report Card: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn & Blackpool
Report Card: Bolton, Chelsea, Everton, Fulham & Liverpool
Report Card: Tottenham, West Brom, West Ham, Wigan & Wolves

From Brazil to Stockport via Scotland, pace and 1993

2011-06-01T10:17:00Z

The Samba Kings are dead; long live the Samba Kings. That’s the main focus of the new July issue of FourFourTwo, out in all good stores – and some distinctly average ones – from today.

What’s happened to Brazil? As if the continuing chaos over their staging of the 2014 World Cup wasn’t enough, all the on-pitch legends have retired or slunk back to the homeland. From politicians to the new national team boss, we ask the experts whether this is the end, or simply a new beginning. Plus, we have a cheeky word with Kaka and his young replacement Ganso, and predict the Seleçao World Cup team of 2014.

Are you sad that the season’s ended? Well, wipe away those tears as we preview the summer of football: from the Copa America in Argentina to the under-21 Euros in Denmark, it’s all kicking off. But while we look forward we also look back, choosing our Men of the Season. We have interviews with Scotty Parker, Rafa van der Vaart and the man who won our online poll to find the Premier League’s best ever overseas centre-back...

Pace: the final frontier. If there’s one attribute valued above any other in the modern game, it’s pace, and we found out why – it turns out it’s more complicated than “Run, Forrest, run...”

In 1993, England fans asked themselves “Do I not like that?” as the Three Lions failed to qualify for the World Cup under Graham Taylor. Now, FFT uncovers the making of incredible documentary The Impossible Job. Find out who hated starring in it and who claimed not to know he was being filmed, in our inside story: it’s even more fascinating than the film itself.

Scotland, Scolari and...Stockport? All three get their time in the sun in our summery new issue, for very different reasons. Big Phil Scolari answers your questions in a hilarious One-on-One, and unveils his Gene Hackman impression. We explore a crazy year north of the border which has seen everything from meerkats to gun-toting mascots. Then we’re off to Stockport, to see how the fans have taken that sinking feeling as they drop out of the Football League.

All this and more in the July issue of FourFourTwo, brought to you by Graham Taylor, Stuart Pearce, Andres Iniesta, Phil Scolari, Kevin Keegan, Nemanja Vidic, Mauro Silva, Carlos Alberto Torres, Luis Fabiano, Mario Zagallo, Rafael van der Vaart, Nuri Sahin, Lee Dixon, Socrates, Ganso, Arjan de Zeeuw, Tony Daley, Marcelo Dijan, Kaka, Zico, Mano Manezes, Kasper Schmeichel, Theo Walcott, David Platt, Carlos Alberto Parreira, Don Howe, Scott Parker, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Mauro Galvao, Careca, Phil Neal, Jonathan Wilson, Chris Hughton, Nani, Mo Farah, Pat Nevin, Paul Parker, Cerezo, Julio Olarticoechea, Paul Turnbull, Rivelino, Darren Campbell, Eric Harrison, Angel di Maria, Michel Salgado, Jose Cardozo, Patrick Vieira, Marta and a Woking-supporting candidate for the title of Miss England.

Peruse or purchase the new FFT digitally

Report Card: Bolton Wanderers, Chelsea, Everton, Fulham & Liverpool

2011-06-01T09:00:00Z

We continue our analysis of the Premier League season with a look at five more sides - all of whom seem to have largely had a 'season of two halves'...

Bolton Wanderers
League position: 14th - W12 D10 L16 F52 A56 Pts46
FA Cup: Semi-finalists
League Cup: Third round
RATING:B-

For a team who'd spent all but four weeks of the season in the top half, finishing 14th was a cruel – not to mention expensive – blow. But Bolton's season was blown apart at Wembley by the most humiliating FA Cup semi-final defeat since World War Two. Before then they'd won plaudits for their combination of short passing and muscularity, not to mention Owen Coyle's ceaseless commitment to attacking football.

Coyle's 4-4-2 system depends heavily upon its central midfielders – in particular Stuart Holden, a force of nature stoppable only by Johnny Evans's studs rupturing his cruciate in March. Since then a thin squad has struggled, with Holden's sidekick Fabrice Muamba forced to limp along despite groin problems due to a lack of alternatives in a thin squad: chief back-up Mark Davies underwent ankle surgery, and Coyle ended up employing top scorer Johan Elmander as a willing but makeweight midfielder. Elmander's evisceration at Wembley by the Stoke midfield was key to the Cup capitulation, and a soul-wrenching reminder for the eternally upbeat Coyle that not all situations can be improved by throwing attackers at the problem.

Still, let's not be too downbeat. That attacking philosophy reaps dividends: Wanderers scored more goals per game than in any top-flight season since 1961/62, had one of the best home records in the division (effectively ending Arsenal's title charge, for instance, with a typically determined late goal) and the fans are coming back in numbers after the desperate disenchantments of the Gary Megson era – even if the often gung-ho football leaves the team alarmingly open at the back.

Popular as he is, Coyle has a big summer ahead. The squad needs depth but he will also need to replace key personnel. Elmander is leaving on a free and loanee Daniel Sturridge will return to Chelsea, leaving ageing war-horse Kevin Davies helped only by bit-part Croatian Ivan Klasnic. The midfield needs bolstering and at the back, Bolton are expected to lose ball-playing centre-half Gary Cahill, the England man whose club manager advised him in January to wait until summer before seeking a move to a bigger stage. His transfer fee should help Bolton build a squad in the manager's image. That should make Wanderers ones to watch next season – at either end.

STAR MAN Stuart Holden. Indefatigable and creative, the Aberdeen-born American is Coyle's key capture so far.

Words: Gary Parkinson

Chelsea
League position: 2nd, W21 D8 L9 F69 A33 Pts71
FA Cup: Fourth round
League Cup: Third round
Champions League: Quarter-finals
RATING: C-

Fresh from winning a Premier League and FA Cup double in his first season at Stamford Bridge, Carlo Ancelotti set his sights on the trophy he was specifically brought in to win. However, a second successive failure in Europe combined with a stop-start defence of their league title leaves Chelsea looking for a fifth new boss since 2007.

The Blues had won their third Premier League crown in style, rounding off a season in which they netted 103 goals with an 8-0 whopping of Wigan. And their defence could not have got off to a better start, hitting both West Brom and Wigan for six, as the Blues sat four points clear at the summit after the opening five games, scoring 21 times in the process.

But having taken full advantage of a kind opening quintet of fixtures, Chelsea fell at the first half-challenging hurdle by losing at Manchester City, and after a 2-0 defeat at Anfield in November a “bad moment” for the Blues would begin to feel more like Groundhog Day.

Chelsea’s strongest XI could dispose of almost anyone. But the departures of Joe Cole, Deco, Michael Ballack and – most importantly – Ricardo Carvalho had left them desperately short of reserves. With Frank Lampard, John Terry, Alex and Michael Essien all sidelined, it proved too tall an order to overcome.

A woeful 3-0 home defeat to Sunderland was the nadir in a dire run of form that saw them win just two out of 11 league games from November to January, forcing Roman Abramovich to dig deep, very deep.

More than £75 million changed hands as David Luiz and Fernando Torres arrived to breathe new life into the Blues’ ailing campaign. But the Spanish marksman’s arrival would only make matters worse as he struggled in unfamiliar systems while his manager manically scratched around to find a winning one.

Ancelotti appeared doomed following Chelsea’s Champions League exit to Manchester United, in which the Italian twice deployed the desperately out-of-form front-man. So it is to both his and his team’s credit that they then finished the season as strongly as they did.

The Blues reduced United’s 15-point lead in March to the point where they would have usurped Sir Alex Ferguson’s side with victory at Old Trafford in May, leaving many of the opinion that Ancelotti deserved another crack, rather than the sack immediately after the final day defeat at Everton.

Another new manager will again be backed by Abramovich, with ‘age’ now a buzzword among Blues’ fans as Chelsea’s talismen approach their use-by dates. The futures of Didier Drogba and Nicolas Anelka will determine how proactive the club are in their search for strikers, as Torres prepares to take centre-stage.

STAR MAN Ashley Cole. Consistently lung-busting displays from the left-back reinforced the view that he remains the world’s best in his position.

Words: Gregg Davies

Everton
League position: 7th - W13 D15 L10 F51 A45 Pts54
FA Cup: Fifth round
League Cup: Third round
RATING: D

A few years ago, Everton had a reputation for being a side who would alternate between a good season and an awful one. These days they seem to do things by half - struggling in the first half of the season before coming good around January. And 2010/11 didn’t buck that recent trend.

The Toffees spent Christmas in 14th position in the Premier League, yet finished the season a respectable seventh. This was remarkably similar to last season, when it was 15th and eighth at the same stages. It’s tempting to suggest David Moyes would accept what seems the natural progression of 13th then sixth next year, but the reality is he’d probably rather do without the early-season stress.

Ironically, two of the highlights of Everton’s league season came in that first half of the campaign; a 2-0 home win over city rivals Liverpool and an incredible 3-3 draw at home to Manchester United - a match in which the Toffees had trailed 3-1 going into injury time, only to be saved by late (and even later) goals from Tim Cahill and Mikel Arteta.

While their league campaign generally went from despair to relative joy, their experiences in the cups were quite the opposite. Having knocked holders Chelsea out of the FA Cup at Stamford Bridge, Everton succumbed to a shock defeat at home to Championship Reading in the next round, while they followed an 5-1 League Cup mauling of Huddersfield with a penalty shoot-out defeat at Brentford.

Everton’s financial battles are perhaps best underlined by their forward line. With Yakubu farmed out to Leicester, the goalscoring burden was left on the shoulders of Louis Saha - a player sadly perennially plagued by injury, and Jermaine Beckford - before this season untried at Premier League level. The former arrived for a ’nominal fee’, the latter on a free transfer. Both impressed in patches, but ultimately only mustered 15 goals between them.

The sad reality for the Goodison Park club is that it will be almost impossible for the Toffees to compete with the top five or six clubs in the Premier League under their current financial constraints. While the fans will therefore reflect on a job eventually well done in the league, they will surely see their cup exits as two good opportunities missed.

STAR MAN Leighton Baines. Curiously omitted from the PFA’s team of the season, Baines was perhaps the stand-out fullback of the entire Premier League. Everton will hope his roots at the club are deep enough to prevent him being unearthed by a Champions League side.

Words: James Maw

Fulham
League position: 8th – W11 D16 L11 F49 A43 Pts49
FA Cup: Fifth round
League Cup: Third round
RATING: C+

It’s a good thing that ‘a game of two halves’ hasn’t become a footballing cliché, because there’s no better way of summarising Fulham’s season...

Going into Christmas, the Cottagers were in the relegation zone, having won just two of their 18 matches – fewer than any other team, leaving them with just 16 points.

But it wasn't the defeats which were to blame for this feeble haul, rather the draws. The West Londoners tied an incredible 10 of those first 18 matches. Single points began to look like opportunities lost, and for draw merchants Fulham – who finished the season with 16, more than any team in the last four campaigns – it became the innocent habit couldn't kick, the glass of wine with dinner that becomes a drinking problem.

The cause was easy to identify: Mark Hughes lacked a goalgrabbing striker. To lose both Bobby Zamora and Andy Johnson to injury for large parts of the season was deeply unlucky.

But there was little in the way of back-up. Eidur Gudjohnsen, a square peg happily on loan from the round-hole of Stoke, put himself about and Moussa Dembele had looked a more than useful signing, but three goals for the Belgian in nearly 32 hours of football – two of which came in one game against Wolves – were scant return for his efforts.

The fact that perennial loanee Eddie Johnson made 10 substandard substitute appearances, more than doubling his Premier League tally since arriving at Craven Cottage in 2007, was a testament to their lack of cover upfront.

In the end, it came down to Texan talisman Clint Dempsey to put the ball in the back of the net, and he duly obliged.

Equally important was the solid centre-back pairing of Aaron Hughes and Brede Hangeland, as everpresent as the famous cottage and immovable as the infamous Michael Jackson statue (Hughes missed just 16 minutes all season; Hangeland, one match against Sunderland).

The signs for next season are positive for Fulham, even if for them it starts in just a few weeks. They’ll be looking to go one better than their last Europa League campaign, a 19-game epic which ended in a final defeat to Atletico Madrid.

This time they qualified via the Fair Play league, meaning any plans Mark Hughes had for an extended summer holiday will have to be shelved. Still, the Welshman has little complain about, and another top-half finish is a more than realistic aim - although if the morning's papers are to be believed he could yet be a target for Aston Villa.

STAR MAN Clint Dempsey. As reliable as he is likeable, it’s amazing ‘Deuce’ isn’t more highly sought after by 'bigger' clubs.

Words: Huw Davies

Liverpool
League position: 6th W17 D7 L14 F59 A44 Pts
FA Cup: Third round
League Cup: Third round
Europa League: Last 16
RATING: C-

If this really were an academic report card, it would remark that the student had a very poor autumn term and underachieved as if distracted (were there problems at home?) before rallying remarkably after Christmas; the pupil's intelligence and dedication during spring term raised hopes of much better results, only to see them dashed by poor performance in the end-of-year exams.

This truly was a season of two halves for Liverpool (sound familiar?), pivoting on the replacement of Roy Hodgson with Kenny Dalglish. By last summer Rafa Benitez had disillusioned enough fans to make his position untenable, but Hodgson never gained the widespread support he needed, especially with a club legend ready and obviously (if respectfully) willing to step in. Liverpool have a more voluble fanbase than most clubs; they did well to help oust the hated Hicks and Gillett, but some soon trained their gaze on the gaffer.

The noise emanating from social media was matched by the op-ed columns of a dozen former Reds who pored over every disappointing show under Hodgson. By January, with swathes of the Kop openly chanting for Dalglish, it simply made sense to turn mutiny into unity; the new board (who arrived after Hodgson) did it with a comparatively graceful clean break, a rare example of true mutual consent.

Dalglish's calm public assurance was bolstered in private by his first appointment, former Chelsea and West Ham coach Steve Clarke. The canny Scots surprised tacticians by resurrecting the three-defender formation, delighted traditionalists by giving several youngsters their chance, and amazed analysts by making matchwinners from previously exasperating underperformers like Maxi Rodriguez and Raul Meireles.

Such secondary lights led the way due to an absence of the box-office stars. Steven Gerrard played only five league games for Dalglish before injury ended his season, while Fernando Torres featured four times under the new man before Chelsea's £50 million offer proved too high to refuse. Although some would argue Newcastle played it cannily to then get £35 million for Andy Carroll, the big No.9 has the potential to be well worth it – and is five years younger than the Spaniard. With the immediately impressive Luis Suarez (just turned 24) also arriving for £22.5 million, Liverpool may have got their forward line for the next five years for little more than they recouped for a fading star who has subsequently struggled at Stamford Bridge.

As ever, Anfield hosts big expectations and big questions. An absence of continental competition might help – Liverpool played 14 games in an undistinguished Europa League campaign and only won three after August – but concentrating on the league brings its own pressures. Many fans are expecting Liverpool to challenge for the title next term, but even over the course of a season Dalglish's average of 1.83 points per game would be enough to crack the top three in only one of the last eight seasons – even leaving aside the increased pressure of being among frontrunners instead of tiptoeing through the chasing pack. For King Kenny, the job is just beginning – but at least the fans are looking on admiringly.

STAR MAN Dirk Kuyt. In a season that threatened to go off the rails, the Dutchman's high workrate and consistent performances were a welcome boost, and a hat-trick against Manchester United means he's unlikely to ever need to buy a pint in the city again...

Words: Gary Parkinson

Report Card: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn & Blackpool
Report Card: Man City, Man Utd, Newcastle, Stoke & Sunderland
Report Card: Tottenham, West Brom, West Ham, Wigan & Wolves

Report Card: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn & Blackpool

2011-05-31T10:53:00Z

With the 2010/11 season now done and dusted, FourFourTwo.com assesses the campaigns of the Premier League's 20 clubs, starting with Arsenal, Aston Villa, Birmingham, Blackburn and Blackpool. Our ratings are a reflection of pre-season expectations and the campaign as a whole - not just the league...

Arsenal
League position: 4th – W19 D11 L8 F72 A43 Pts68
FA Cup: Quarter-finalists
League Cup: Runners-up
Champions League: Last 16
RATING: D

How bad can a season really be, for a team that finishes in the top four, reaches a cup final and is only eliminated from the Champions League by arguably the best team ever?

In the case of Arsenal, disastrous.

Much was made of the Gunners hopes of winning an unheralded Quadruple back in February, but this was perhaps premature given there were still months remaining and very little room for slip-ups. After all, Blackpool were second in the table after the first round of matches and nobody claimed they had a reasonable shot at Champions League qualification…

Arsenal didn’t have the complete team needed to win the Premier League or Champions League. This was more evident this season than in any of their previous six trophyless campaigns. Points were dropped, chances were spurned and any hope of winning a trophy was blown in a fashion quickly becoming painfully familiar for Gunners fans.

What Arsenal lacked most was heart. While Manchester United’s winning mentality helped them stumble through mucky patches smelling of roses, Arsenal’s heads dropped as soon as they lost that League Cup Final to Birmingham (indeed, Jack Wilshere said as much in June’s edition of FourFourTwo).

There were few happy memories in a season to forget: a derby defeat to Tottenham having led 2-0 at home was especially galling.

But it wasn’t all bad. Wilshere went from an emerging young talent to a key player at just 19, and even if his defensive partners rarely threatened to show him up, Johan Djourou came on leaps and bounds at the back. For all the talk of Wenger needing to sign a quality ‘keeper, too, 21-year-old Wojciech Szczesny showed true promise.

Arsenal also won more away games than any other side in the Premier League - thanks in no small part to 11 away goals from Robin van Persie, so perhaps making the Emirates more like a fortress and less like a bouncy castle could be the key to success on the league front next term.

And maybe it was a season of excruciating bad luck. They were inches away from beating Barcelona; and could well have claimed the League Cup but for an unfortunate mix-up between Szczesny and Laurent Koscielny.

That, however, is what football is all about. Arsenal may need one or two summer additions, but with a relatively young squad perhaps what they really need is time to learn and gel as a unit, rather than an overhaul.

STAR MAN Jack Wilshere. If Cesc Fabregas does leave the Emirates Stadium, the Englishman is already equipped to take his place.

Words: Huw Davies

Aston Villa
League position: 9th - W12 D12 L14 F48 A59 Pts48
FA Cup: Fifth round
League Cup: Quarter-finalists
Europa League: Play-off round
RATING: D-

Having finished each of the previous three Premier League seasons in sixth place, Aston Villa headed into 2010/11 rightly expecting another year of rubbing shoulders with the top flight's big guns. Yet what they endured was a season peppered with uncertainty, inconsistency and an unexpected flirt with the drop.

Their cause was not aided by the upheaval of Martin O’Neill’s departure from the club less than a week before the start of the season, which appeared to pull the metaphorical rug from under the team and leave them without any real leadership or direction. The low point came on the second weekend of the league season, when Villa were obliterated 6-0 at Newcastle, with the farce continuing four days later with elimination from the Europa League at the hands of Rapid Vienna.

The malaise wasn’t halted by the appointment of Gerard Houllier as O’Neill’s permanent successor, with the Frenchman refusing to terminate his contract with the French FA early, meaning the club were forced to wait a further two weeks before their new man finally took the helm. This waiting period didn’t much impress Houllier’s new public, nor did attempting to shrug off a 3-0 humbling at Anfield by stating; "If I have got to lose 3-0, I would prefer it to be to them as I like Liverpool."

It took the club record signing of England striker Darren Bent to galvanise the club, both on and off the pitch. His nine goals in 16 Premier League matches were worth nine points and helped Villa avoid being too deeply embroiled in the relegation quagmire in the final weeks of the season.

A strong end to the season - their final eight matches garnered 15 points and included back-to-back wins over Arsenal and Liverpool despite Houllier missing the run-in after falling ill - saw the Midlanders wind-up in a surprisingly high ninth place, a finish that shouldn‘t be allowed to paper over the cracks of a disappointing campaign.

While there may be plenty about which to be positive going forwards - most notably a batch of vastly talented youngsters who displayed impressive maturity and application when thrown into the deep end in the earlier part of the season - there are some big questions to be answered, most pertinently around the management of the club. With Brad Friedel and Ashley Young very possibly heading for the exit in the coming weeks, the manager is likely to have a rebuilding job on his hands... whoever he may be.

STAR MAN Stewart Downing. Perhaps the only Villa player to really impress on a consistent basis this term, Downing has more than rebuilt his reputation by becoming an unexpected talisman at Villa Park.

Words: James Maw

Birmingham City
League position: 18th - W8 D15 L15 F37 A58 Pts39
FA Cup: Quarter-finalists
League Cup: Winners
RATING: D-

The 2010/11 season was very much one of contrasts for Birmingham City. Barely three months after the high of winning their first major trophy in 48 years, came the far more familiar experience of relegation from the Premier League - their third in six seasons.

Things had started relatively well for Alex McLeish’s side - an undefeated start saw Brum sat in fifth place after four matches - though they quickly slid down to 15th, a position around which they would float for the rest of the season. Indeed, Birmingham were relegated having spent just three weeks of the season in the bottom three prior to the final day.

As it became obvious the side wouldn’t be making a splash in the league, more emphasis was placed on the Carling Cup. A quarter-final victory over arch-rivals Aston Villa in December delighted fans and left them dreaming of a first trip to the new Wembley Stadium. That dream came true thanks to a semi-final victory over West Ham, although the same fans must’ve wondered whether they will still in the land of nod when Obafemi Martins’ pounced to seal a sensational victory in the final against a much-fancied and trophy-starved Arsenal.

Yet even the highs of Wembley couldn’t inspire the team enough to pull themselves away from the relegation scrap. Their struggles were not helped by the injury suffered by last season’s star man, defender Scott Dann. With Dann in the side, Birmingham conceded just 24 goals in the 18 Premier League matches (1.33 per game), without him they shipped 34 in 20 (1.7 per game) - the statistics tell their own story. Suddenly a team who didn’t score many goals but were defensively sound were struggling at both ends of the pitch.

With five games to go, Birmingham were sat in 15th place, and with a five point buffer between themselves and the drop zone. Yet those final five matches saw the Blues secure just one point - in a home draw with fellow-strugglers Wolves - and suffer humiliating defeats away to Liverpool (5-0) and at home to a Fulham side left with nothing to play for (2-0). Wigan's win at Stoke left them needing a win at White Hart Lane on the final day, which they were unable to muster.

Winning the Carling Cup may take the edge off, but this season will likely be remembered more for the bad than the good - at least in the shorter term.

STAR MAN Stephen Carr. Relegation was perhaps more cruel on Carr than most. The full-back rebuilding his career after being thrown on the scrapheap has been one of the game’s more remarkable stories of recent years, and that determination and desire should serve Birmingham well in next season’s promotion push.

Words: James Maw

Blackburn Rovers
League position: 15th - W11 D10 L17 F46 A59 Pts43
FA Cup: Fourth round
League Cup: Third round
RATING: D

As the 2010/11 campaign approached its half-way mark, another solid if unspectacular season appeared to be heading Blackburn Rovers’ way under Sam Allardyce. However, off-field upheaval would transpire to leave their Premier League status in serious jeopardy and immediate future far from crystal clear.

Defeat to rivals Bolton in mid-December left Blackburn 13th in the standings (a win over Wanderers would have lifted them as high as sixth), five points clear of the drop zone, having won six and lost eight of their opening 17 matches.

But the club’s new Indian owners Venky’s had other ideas. A month after completing their £23 million takeover, they chose to turf both Big Sam and his assistant Neil McDonald out on their respective ears, deeming their style of football not conducive to their plans, with a 7-1 drubbing at Old Trafford hardly helping the sacked duo‘s cause.

In came first team coach Steve Kean, previously assistant manager to Chris Coleman at Fulham, Real Sociedad and Coventry, whose initial managerial press conferences involved fielding questions on the possible arrivals of Ronaldinho and David Beckham rather than tactics and team selections.

Rovers looked more pantomime than Premier League, a division Blackburn looked increasingly unlikely to be in come the summer as results failed to take a significant turn for the better.

Despite wins over a yet-to-be-transformed Liverpool and West Brom (twice), a 10-match winless run from February to April left many tipping them to suffer the drop as they continued their descent with no solution seemingly in sight.

Martin Olsson’s drive against Bolton ultimately proved the turning point, as Rovers went the final four games of the season unbeaten. Draws with West Ham and Manchester United kept their heads above water going into D-Day at Molineux, where they would take a 3-0 half-time lead before almost blowing it.

Although Kean’s credentials remain under scrutiny, the character his side showed in the closing weeks of the campaign will have offered hope that he can build a team capable of delivering the displays desired by Venky’s – given the necessary backing.

Keeping hold of coveted defensive duo Christopher Samba and Phil Jones will be key to Kean’s plans, as the Scot seeks fresh faces in attack after Jason Roberts and Nikola Kalinic managed just five league goals apiece while Benjani and Mame Diouf – on loan from Manchester United – scored a meagre three.

STAR MAN David ‘Junior’ Hoilett. Often a substitute under Allardyce, the Canadian has been a revelation under Kean, using his trickery and pace to terrorise defences as well as weighing in with five league goals.

Words: Gregg Davies

Blackpool
League position: 19th - W10 D9 L19 F55 A78 Pts39
FA Cup: Third round
League Cup: Second round
RATING: C+

The Seasiders’ tangerine dream may have ended as many had predicted – with an instant return from whence they came – but fewer would have foreseen the unrelenting entertainment they provided along the way.

Ian Holloway’s men had reached the promised land of the Premier League via thrilling play-off victories over Nottingham Forest and Cardiff, and although they themselves would have half-expected to be heading straight back down to the Championship, they were determined to do it playing their way.

Blackpool started their first top-flight season since 1971 where they had left off at the City Ground and Wembley, winning 4-0 away at Wigan as their swashbuckling 4-3-3 setup not only left the Latics lampooned.

In both league encounters, Manchester United had to come from behind to see off the Seasiders, Liverpool were slain not once but twice, Spurs were disposed of at Bloomfield Road, as were Bolton, 4-3 in a repeat of the 1953 FA Cup Final on the same day of the 2011 showpiece.

But their free-scoring nature at one end sadly could not be matched by a stubbornness not to concede at the other, which would ultimately prove their undoing over the course of a 38-game campaign.

The final chapter of the season at Old Trafford epitomised their rollercoaster ride of a season as a whole; a superb Charlie Adam free-kick and well-worked second to give them the lead at the home of the champions being cancelled out by some haphazard defending and galling own goal from captain Ian Evatt.

Not one of the six sides who finished directly above Blackpool in the table could match their 55 top-flight goals, while they scored the same amount on home soil as Spurs did at White Hart Lane (30) who finished fifth.

But only West Brom (71) and bottom-dwellers West Ham (70) came anywhere close to matching the 78 goals that flew in at the wrong end. And it was Blackpool’s inability to hold on to draws that arguably led to their downfall, as a naivety to continue pouring forward in search of victory left them exposed – something both Blackburn and Aston Villa gleefully exploited by snatching last-gasp winners to deny the Seasiders a share of the spoils.

STAR MAN Charlie Adam - the central figure to Blackpool’s thrilling season with a dozen league goals. One in each of the final three games of the season took the Seasiders’ survival fight down to the wire.

Words: Gregg Davies

Report Card: Bolton, Chelsea, Everton, Fulham & Liverpool
Report Card: Man City, Man Utd, Newcastle, Stoke & Sunderland
Report Card: Tottenham, West Brom, West Ham, Wigan & Wolves

Weekender: Better than a date with a supermodel

2011-05-27T10:45:00Z

1. Wembley final? The President's out, then...
Suspected West Ham fan Barack Obama will be out of the country by the Champions League final, but it can't be good news for him that the showpiece is at Wembley. As Champions editor Paul Simpson notes, no US President in office during a Wembley European Cup final has left the White House voluntarily. Wembley's first European final was in May 1963 (Milan 2-1 Benfica), six months before JFK was shot; his successor LBJ had already announced by the 1968 final (Manchester United 4-1 Benfica) that he wouldn't seek re-election. By 1971 (Ajax 2-0 Panathinaikos) Richard Nixon was in charge, but he quit in 1974 to avoid impeachment. Jimmy Carter (1978, Liverpool 1-0 Bruges) and the elder George Bush (1992, Barcelona 1-0 Sampdoria) both lost their bids for re-election. Perhaps Obama will be free to visit Upton Park sooner than he thinks.

2. Out of the way, Gisele, the game’s on...
Ahead of this weekend’s Champions League final, a new survey has revealed that over 50% of men would pass up a romantic rendezvous with a supermodel in order to see their team win the ‘cup with the big ears.’ Other events given second billing to the continental showdown include meeting a girlfriend’s parents, attending a mate’s stag do, and poor old mum’s birthday. FourFourTwo.com will be bringing you live coverage of the final from 19:00BST tomorrow, although if any supermodels are reading, that's very much open to negotiation...

3. Help us help you go away
With summer upon us, you might be trying to tie in a foreign trip with a football match. FourFourTwo's Travel section offers an excellent guide to destinations worldwide – but we want to make it better. So do us a favour and spend two minutes – no more, honest – answering a few questions on our survey. There's no hard sell and no need to leave your details, just half a dozen easy queries. It'll help us to help you.
TRAVEL In-depth guide to dozens of destinations

4. Not just a league, and not just for champions
Back when it was the European Cup, teams only qualified if they were champions (or holders). Since 1997/98, the competition has included non-champions – and in the 13 subsequent seasons six teams have won without having been national champions (or holders: nobody has retained Big Ears since Milan in 1990). In 1999 Manchester United became the first non-champion Champions League champions, followed by Real (2000), Milan (2003 and 2007), Liverpool (2005) and Barcelona (2009). Will Fergie's men make it seven-all on aggregate, or will Barcelona make the trophy live up to at least half its name?

5. The football never ends...
This might be the last Weekender before the summer but the football's not finished. There's bags to come, and all on the telly. There's the Copa America, the Women's World Cup and a number of increasingly interesting domestic leagues, from MLS to the J-League and plenty in between. And that's not to mention the Beach Soccer World Cup, your club's pre-season friendlies and even the Island Games, where the likes of Greenland and the Falkland Islands descend upon the Isle of Wight for a kickabout. All these competitions and more are previewed in the new edition of FourFourTwo, out next Wednesday... because we never, ever sleep.

Win smart kit for your football team
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Very rarely does an afternoon’s football live up to its build-up – particularly when Sky Sports are involved – but last Sunday was different. In the space of less than two hours, four of the five embroiled in 'Survival Sunday’ had spent time both above and below the red line, with only Blackburn able to get the cigars out as their match wore on.

Rovers only needed a point and by half-time they were three up at Molineux, leaving Wolves joining Wigan in the drop zone below Birmingham and Blackpool – at that stage both drawing – by virtue of their inferior goal difference. The quartet, all tied at half-time on the allegedly magic 40-point total, switched places several times throughout the season’s final 45 minutes.

Blackpool took the lead at Old Trafford, only for brutal reality to impinge with Man United coming back to win 4-2. Birmingham fell behind at Tottenham but equalised through the talismanic Craig Gardner with barely 10 minutes to play. Almost simultaneously, Wigan took the lead at Stoke, leaving Wolves and Blackpool facing the drop. But Wolves saved themselves – just – with goals from Jamie O’Hara and Stephen Hunt improving their goal difference enough to leapfrog Birmingham.

Back at White Hart Lane, Alex McLeish’s side were curiously slow to react to their predicament, nervously knocking short passes across their back four and taking their sweet time over throw-ins; possibly they didn’t realise they had to score for three or four minutes after the watching world had twigged. Suddenly it was kitchen sink time, and with the Blues stretched, Roman Pavlyuchenko struck in the dying seconds to secure a win for Tottenham, safety for Wigan and Wolves and a place in the second tier for the Carling Cup winners.

Birmingham’s board were quick to announce McLeish’s previous successes would earn the manager another crack of the whip next term, despite a disappointing end to this campaign. The same could not be said for Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, whose henchman Ron Gourlay did away with last term's Double-winner Carlo Ancelotti in a Goodison corridor minutes after the post-match press conference.

Man City confirmed third place above Arsenal, while Spurs finished fifth for the third time in six seasons – impressive, if a comedown from last season's top-four finish. The tabloid-friendly Harry Redknapp is now the bookies’ favourite to take over at Chelsea; it’s easy to understand why he'd switch to Stamford Bridge – he wouldn't have Daniel Levy’s strict hold on the purse-strings – but he’s certainly not the continent-conquering coach Roman Abramovich desires.

No, if experience of lifting European football’s most coveted trophy is what the Russian is after, then there is a man far more qualified, and far more readily available. A man who has twice won the competition, as well as domestic titles and cups in Italy and England, yet is still left looking for a job. That man’s name? Carlo Ancelo….oh, right. Never mind.

Six departures in post-season La Liga manager massacre
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Excuse me Mr Platini, I've been thinking again
And so to the climax of the season, the increasingly inaccurately-named Champions League (three of whose semi-finalists hadn't won their league the previous season). But what if it was restricted to just the bona-fide champions of each country? Obviously that genie is well out of its bottle, but it's just a thought, and sometimes it's nice to think.

There are 52 UEFA countries with leagues, so it'd only take an eight-team preliminary round to leave 48 teams – enough 12 four-team groups, with winners and the four best runners-up going into the usual round of 16. That way more teams – all champions – get the extended involvement (and guaranteed income) so apparently indispensible to the modern competition.

Meanwhile, the exclusion of several Big Teams would give a tremendous shot in the arm to the secondary continental competition, the much-maligned Europa League. It's been successfully streamlined over the last couple of years – abandoning the bizarre five-team groups and switching, funnily enough, to 12 four-team groups – but it's still often seen as Little League compared to Platini's premium party, into which most of Europe's finest are safely invited year on year.

Imagine how much more interest there would be in the Europa League if it involved the continent's secondary, rather than being restricted to the tertiary, quaternary or even quinary teams. You want big names? This season's tournament would have included Manchester United, Real Madrid, Roma, Lyon, Celtic, Ajax, Fenerbahce and Schalke – enough to light up any tournament, and that's not to mention third-placed teams like Arsenal, Milan and Valencia.

With bigger names like that on board, the Europa League would soon cease to be the poisoned chalice so many teams openly consider it to be. TV interest would soar, meaning so would prize money. And that's a word all big teams understand, because to some it may mean more than being, well, champions.

Just a thought, a passing thought.
– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com editor

"He’d do a Cruyff turn and before you knew it, he’d be gone"
– Perfect XI, Sep 2005: Ryan Giggs

"You need fresh eggs, which aren’t easy to find, and a good mascarpone..."
– One-on-One, Dec 2006: Paolo di Canio

"Of course I can go out...I just have to be prepared for the consequences"
– Q&A, Aug 2007: Ronaldo

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Paul Simpson, Charlie Skillen and unusual punctuality

The Premier League's 10 greatest final day relegation dramas

2011-05-20T15:01:00Z

With 'Survival Sunday' looming, Vithushan Ehantharajah and David Jamieson look back on some of the Premier League's most memorable final day relegation tussles...

1992/93 - Oldham survive as Eagles Gunned-down at Highbury

Oldham Athletic needed to beat visiting side Southampton and keep everything crossed that Palace would lose at Arsenal. Even then goal difference would be the decider. Half way through the second half, Oldham were four-one up with Palace trailing 2-0 at dear old Highbury. Quaint little Mexican waves started lapping Boundary Park until Matt Le Tissier cranked the tension back up to 11 by completing his hat-trick in the 85th minute. However Palace’s margin of loss meant Oldham stayed up by two goals and the Latics’ Gunnar Halle was spared a life haunted by a glaring miss with Saints’ goalkeeper Tim Flowers like a rabbit in headlights.

1993/94 - Blades' Bridge of sighs as Toffees avoid sticky moment

Needing a win to survive, Everton found themselves 2-1 down to Wimbledon at half-time, meaning Sheffield United – who were on level terms away at Chelsea – were clear of the drop zone. However a storming second half comeback from the Merseysiders, and a late Mark Stein winner for Chelsea, meant the Blades were relegated from the top-flight. Graham Stuart grabbed the winner for The Toffees, but it was Barry Horne’s 30-yard screamer that got the survival ball rolling…

1996/97 - Middlesbrough pay the price for calling in sick

Earlier in the season, Middlesbrough were docked three points for pulling out of a match against Blackburn, after they reported that 23 of their players were absent through illness or injury. Going into the last game they found themselves in a three-way battle against the drop with Sunderland and Coventry City. Sunderland’s two point cushion over the other two meant their fate was in their hands as they faced Wimbledon. Boro and the Sky Blues needed three points against Leeds United and Tottenham Hotspur, respectively, and then for their counterparts to slip up. Would those deducted points prove crucial to Boro’s fate? Well yes, yes they would - Coventry won at White Hart Lane and survived at the last…

1997/98 - Bolton make it a treble as Everton do it again

Bolton Wanderers, who had gained promotion to the Premier League alongside Crystal Palace and Barnsley, were looking to avoid joining the pair in relegation straight back to the second tier – and they needed to beat Chelsea at Stamford Bridge to do it. A draw would be enough, as long as Everton didn’t beat Coventry City at Goodison Park. Everton’s superior goal-difference meant a draw, coupled with a Bolton loss, would be enough for them…

1998/99 - Saints march on as Charlton make swift exit

The Saints had a man named Marian to thank for their final day escape from relegation in 1999. Southampton had spent almost the entire season in the relegation zone but could survive by beating Everton at the Dell - anything less, combined with a Charlton win at home to Sheffield Wednesday, would see Charlton stay up at the Saints’ expense. As it turned out Charlton lost 1-0, but two goals from Marian Pahars, weeks after a crucial equalizer against Blackburn, sent the Little Latvian well on his way to the cult hero status he now enjoys with Saints fans. The Addicks returned to the second tier after just 10 months in the top flight.

1999/00 - End of the road for the Crazy Gang

Wimbledon were perched precariously above the drop-zone on goal difference going into the final day, but a win at already-safe Southampton would make them likewise, as would at least matching Bradford’s result at home to Liverpool. So, with their fate in their own hands and their relegation-rivals facing Champions League hopefuls, Wimbledon, their fans and their transistor-radio-carrying fans’ travelled down to the south-coast. Wimbledon were under pressure almost immediately from kick-off and, as the fans with the radios glued to their ears would have communicated to them, things weren’t going to plan up at the Valley Parade either…

2002/03 - Big Sam dusts off his dancing shoes

With a superior goal difference, Bolton were in control of theirs and West Ham’s destiny as the 2002/03 season drew to a close. A win against Middlesbrough at home would relegate the Hammers, whose only hope was to beat Birmingham and pray that Bolton drew or lost. In the event Bolton did beat Middlesbrough, rendering West Ham’s draw at St Andrews immaterial, and West Ham paid for a woeful season that saw them occupy a relegation place for all but a few weeks. Sam Allardyce famously celebrated by performaing a cringe-worthy dad-dance with Jay-Jay Okocha at the final whistle...

Allardyce (right) in his dancing shoes (Jay Jay Okocha not pictured...)

2004/05 - Canaries choke as Portsmouth put their feet up

For the first time in the Premier League’s history, the final weekend saw all three of the teams in the drop zone still in with a chance of survival. Four teams were in danger – Norwich, Southampton, Crystal Palace & West Brom – with a Norwich win putting the other three to bed. West Bromwich Albion were deemed the least likeliest to survive, having been bottom at Christmas and needing a home win over Portsmouth (who weren't keen on doing rivals Saints a favour), coupled with dropped points from the other three to be safe. The Baggies won 2-0 and, thanks to defeats for Norwich (6-0 at Fulham), Southampton (2-1 to Manchester United) and Palace's draw at Charlton, they became the first side in the Premier League era to avoid the drop having been bottom at Christmas.

2006/07 - Carlos Tevez makes Neil Warnock's head explode...

West Ham, Wigan and Sheffield United battled it out to avoid the last remaining relegation place on the final day of the season, with all eyes on Bramall Lane for the showdown between the latter two. Only a win would keep Wigan up, while Sheffield United could settle for a draw. Elsewhere, West Ham traveled to Old Trafford, needing a point to secure their Premier League spot for the next season, having escaped a points’ deduction after being found guilty or irregularities over the ownership of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez, much to the annoyance of Sheffield United boss Neil Warnock. We’ll just leave it there, shall we…?

2007/08 - Goal gluts can't save Royals & Brum as Fulham survive

Fulham, Reading and Birmingham all knew a win would have seen them safe, so long as the other two dropped points. Being a point behind the other two put Birmingham at a disadvantage but they had marginally better goal difference. Fulham in turn had marginally better goal difference than Reading so it was they who sat just outside the relegation zone come the final day. Cue media pundits tying themselves in knots discussing the various permutations and illustrating them with fancy computer graphics. In the end, they all won - Birmingham 4-1 against Blackburn and Reading 4-0 at Derby - but Fulham's narrow 1-0 victory at Portsmouth was just enough to see them survive.

Football clubs need to excite and entice... or die

2011-05-20T14:07:00Z

As the Premier League's 'Survival Sunday' looms, FourFourTwo.com editor Gary Parkinson salutes the unpredictable...

For once, the Skyperbole may be justified. With a five-way last-day showdown to avoid the two remaining relegation places from the Premier League, there hasn't been a grand finale like it in decades. A more interesting top-flight season than most – a wide-open battle to avoid three relegation spaces (no sub-30pt whipping boys this term), an intriguing race for third to fifth and a fluid midtable between them – has kept the table pleasingly unstratified, entering the last round with only two teams who know for sure which position they'll finish in (three if we assume Chelsea won't lose their current 12-goal advantage over Man City).

Clubs will be feverishly hoping the excitement lasts long enough to tempt cards from wallets this month as they nervously wonder how many fans will be back next season. A Football Supporters' Federation survey out this week warns that 15% of EPL season ticket holders won't renew this summer – a higher churn rate than any of the Football League divisions, with little of the old complacency that others will fill the void.

Former steadfast ever-presents are downgrading to ticket-picking selectiveness; those who went a few times a season are falling out of the habit and finding it increasingly difficult to justify the expenditure. Times are hard, the recession is biting and the all-in matchday cost is rocketing: the FSF cites an 18% inflation rate on last year – astonishing considering the country-wide cutbacks, public and private.

Meanwhile the clubs are making no such cutbacks. As David Conn revealed in The Guardian this week, they're making record incomes – and yet still lost close to half a billion pounds last year. Although broadcast rights are still the main revenue stream for most, they need to hear the turnstiles clicking and the club-shop tills ringing.

But with decreasing spending power and increasingly selective attendance, clubs are finding they won't get bums on seats without winning hearts and minds. With ever more competition for their attention, an increasing number of fans aren't prepared to put up with low-quality entertainment. They need to have faith in the club's future, belief that they will get bang for their buck. The FSF found that 28% of Manchester United season ticket holders and 22% at Arsenal say they won't renew, but that's mainly in protest at (further) price hikes; Aston Villa's 27% refusal rate is surely more to do with a perceived lack of value for money.

No doubt some of these survey responses are a steam-vent for those who will end up renewing anyway; the summer will inevitably work its annual magic and encourage the encroachment of that eternal interloper we call "hope" into the hearts of all fans. But to be tempted to buy these top-dollar tickets, would-be "customers" need to be convinced that they'll see a good match, not a dour attempt to grind out a 1-0 win.

It's not inconceivable that managers, while always "result-oriented", will bear this in mind. Sam Allardyce lost his Blackburn job apparently because the owners wanted sexier football; five months later the home fans watched their visitors play keep-ball while the hosts settled for a draw. Meanwhile 30 miles up the road Blackpool and Bolton fans watched their teams share a seven-goal thriller.

Managers Ian Holloway and Owen Coyle share a unflinching commitment to attacking football. Perhaps not uncoincidentally, Bolton’s average attendances are higher than at any point since they were in Europe, while thousands of Tangerine fans have renewed their season tickets without even waiting to see what level of football they’ll be watching. The Seasiders have won praise this season for their commitment to attacking and it would surely benefit football if it works – and more teams adopt it next term.

Maybe then next season would be even more unpredictable than this. No bad thing.

Weekender: Karaoke, cheeks and Zorro

2011-05-20T12:48:00Z

1. The Tangerine dream: Party like it's 2002
Should Blackpool stay up this season, it will be only the second time in 22 years that none of the three newly-promoted teams have been relegated at the first time of asking (the other being 2002, when Fulham, Blackburn and Bolton survived). While West Brom and Newcastle sit comfortably in mid-table, Blackpool’s bright start has faded considerably – but they're still hopeful of emulating Hull's last-day 2009 escape, coincidentally against a similarly depleted Manchester United side. Just pray that Ian Holloway doesn't find a pitchside microphone...

2. Survival Sunday? Pah! How about Supervivencia Sábado?
If you thought the Premier League relegation battle was tight, try France and Spain. With two games left in Ligue 1, three points separate 12th and 18th. AS Monaco occupy the final unclaimed relegation place, seven years after gracing the Champions League final; they're only six points behind 10th-placed Montepellier, whom they face this weekend. With one game left, La Liga's even tighter: 13th-placed Mallorca are just two points ahead of 18th-placed Zaragoza, meaning a five-way fight for the final drop-spot. Now, what's French and Spanish for squeaky bum?
LA LIGA LOCA Read Tim Stannard's guide to the weekend in Spain

3. European Tour 2011/12 – calling at Doncaster, Coventry…
Of the five Premier League teams still bracing against relegation, two Championship contenders could be consoled by continental competition next season. Birmingham's League Cup win guarantees them Europa League football, while Blackpool could also have a crack at the Champions League’s uglier sister via the Fair Play League, should Fulham rack up a red card or four against Arsenal. Crystal Palace and Ipswich managed the relegation/qualification combo in 1998 and 2002 respectively, while Dunfermline followed suit in 2007 having lost the Scottish FA Cup final to Champions League-bound Celtic.

4. Paolo Di Canio could've been Zorro
The new man at the County Ground could've been more swords than Swindon. He told us in his exclusive One-on-One that as a boy he successfully auditioned for a Zorro TV programme but his family couldn't afford the necessary photoshoot. Perhaps it's for the best: "Managers had to be patient with me because they knew I had talent even though I could break their balls. As an actor, with my personality, who would have stood by me?"
ARCHIVE Read hundreds of interviews from FFT's 17 years

5. Get your mitts on the Champions League final programme
Next Saturday night you'll doubtless be settling down to enjoy the Champions League final coverage live on FourFourTwo.com (of course). You can further immerse yourself in the occasion with the official programme, made by our friends and yours over at Champions magazine. As you'd expect it's crammed with interviews and analysis – and if you order it today (Friday), it's guaranteed to be on your doormat by next Saturday.
ORDER IT "Programmes! Get yer programmes!"

Win smart kit for your football team
Kit your side out with some fresh threads: 15 outfield jerseys and one goalkeeper (plus shorts and socks!) Follow the link…
See all competitions

The two Manchester clubs winning trophies on Saturday sent Sunday’s papers into a predictable spin. Very predictable: bar the News of the World, which went for a not at all dated "Mad For It", most chose the same headline: "City, United". Yes, we get the ‘pun’, but Manchester is more divided than ever. Manchester City’s first trophy win since Liam Gallagher and Curly Watts were in short trousers is widely expected to be just the start: with Roberto Mancini’s side now favourites to seal third place in the Premier League and thus be parachuted into next season’s Champions League groups, the gap is certainly closing.

Still, they’ve got a hell of a long way to go to match their neighbours' trophy cabinet. Manchester United sealed league title No.19 with a 1-1 draw at Blackburn; on the same day their fans were forced to remove the "ticker banner" mocking their neighbours' trophy drought, they were finally given the right to point out their numerical superiority over their even fiercer rivals Liverpool.

Far below the waves, West Ham succumbed spectacularly if unsurprisingly to relegation with a topsy-turvy 3-2 defeat at Wigan. Charming Karren Brady requested use of the DW Stadium boardroom to dismiss Avram Grant before the post-match tears had dried on emotional young scrapper Mark Noble’s cheek. The Latics will look to avoid their own doom on a five-way ‘Survival Sunday’ – as will Birmingham, Blackpool, Wolves and Blackburn.

Coming the other way will be Swansea or Reading, who reached the Championship play-off final in style. The Swans saw off spirited Nottingham Forest 3-1 – a result sealed by Darren Pratley’s spectacular last-gasp 60-yarder, while the Royals inflicted a second successive 3-0 home humbling on Cardiff. There was also play-off success for Huddersfield – who eventually beat Bournemouth on penalties after a 4-4 aggregate draw, and Peterborough – who overcame a 3-2 first leg deficit to beat MK Dons 4-3 on aggregate. There's goals in them thar thrills.

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De Boer triumphs in the Ajax tradition
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Newcastle hero Solano reignites his love affair with the North East
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Football clubs need to excite and entice – or die
For once, the Skyperbole may be justified: an unusually interesting top-flight season has kept the table pleasingly unstratified, with 18 teams still unsure where they'll finish. Clubs will hope the excitement lasts long enough to tempt the punters back next term: A Football Supporters' Federation survey out this week warns that 15% of EPL season ticket holders won't renew this summer. Times are hard, the recession is biting and the all-in matchday cost is rocketing: the FSF cites an 18% inflation rate on last year – astonishing considering the country-wide cutbacks, public and private.

Meanwhile the clubs are making no such cutbacks. As David Conn revealed in The Guardian this week, they're making record incomes – and yet still lost close to half a billion pounds last year. Although broadcast rights are still the main revenue stream for most, they need to hear the turnstiles clicking and the club-shop tills ringing.

But an increasing number of fans aren't prepared to put up with low-quality entertainment. They need to have faith in the club's future, belief that they will get bang for their buck. The FSF found that 28% of Manchester United season ticket holders and 22% at Arsenal say they won't renew, but that's mainly in protest at (further) price hikes; Aston Villa's 27% refusal rate is surely more to do with a perceived lack of value for money.

Maybe then next season would be even more unpredictable than this. No bad thing.
– Gary Parkinson, FourFourTwo.com editor. Read the full feature here

"I start every game angry and get angrier"
– One-on-One, Oct 2009, Mick McCarthy

"How many Barcelona players have I got? That’s too many"
– Perfect XI, Apr 2010: David Villa

"The lads implied there was something sexual about me and the ostrich"
– Ask A Silly Question, Sep 2010: Charlie Nicholas

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Vithushan Ehantharajah, Ross Quayle and glaring at the goalkeeper

The highly improbable last day scenario-concocting Premier Preview

2011-05-20T12:40:00Z

So it’s come to this: each team has played 37 matches, 3,330 minutes of football and run the distance to the moon and back (probably), and it all rests to a final-frame shootout.

The league title is wrapped up, and the battle between Spurs and Liverpool for the final Europa League spot so hotly contested that even the teams themselves don’t care.

There’s no surprise, then, that the focus is firmly on the relegation dogfight. Again, it would be even better if actual dogs were involved, but what can you do?

Aston Villa v Liverpool

But before we tackle all the fascinating relegation possibilities – and the BBC are going to have great fun on Sunday analysing every potential outcome – there’s this fixture, involving a team who have already made themselves safe. That’s right: Liverpool.

Is fifth place, which looked like a distant s***-edged star some months ago, still beyond them? It seems not: one dropped point from Spurs would be enough if the Reds can win here. Sadly Gerard Houllier is unlikely to manage the Villa against his former club, but his 2001 UEFA Cup Final hero Gary McAllister will deputise to keep the Liverpool connection... connected.

What won’t happen: Heskey hits a hat-trick past his old side to take his Premier League tally to an astonishing 112, with all three assists coming from ex-Red and now permanent benchwarmer Stephen Warnock. Neil Warnock will play in the Prem before he does again

What will happen: A fully fit Villa put up a fight, but Liverpool take the three points and a Europa League spot

Bolton v Manchester City

The season can’t end fast enough for Bolton, not only winless in four but pointless as well. From sitting in sixth earlier in the campaign, they’re now 10th and could, unbelievably, finish 14th if results don’t go their way on Sunday.

That’d be a great shame for a small squad well led by relative perennially be-shorted Owen Coyle.

In injury news, Sam Ricketts is on the sidelines for Bolton while Jerome Boateng and Shay Given sit out for City. Expect an emergency loan keeper on the bench.

What won’t happen: An emergency loan keeper – it was a joke! A funny, funny joke! Because they did it last year, remember?

What will happen: Citeh put Arsenal under immense pressure for third with a win at the Wanderers

Everton v Chelsea

Little to play for but pride here, with Chelsea all but guaranteed of second – it’ll take a 13-goal swing for Manchester City to change that – and Everton assured of seventh with a point.

It’s a good thing, really, that Stoke have claimed that European spot through the FA Cup because you could argue, across the season, that in all competitions they’ve earned it more than Everton, who would normally have qualified through finishing in the top seven.

Fellaini misses out for Everton with a strained afro (almost as strained as that joke), while Chelsea are fit and fancy-free.

What won’t happen: David Moyes to keep waiting for the Manchester United job that’s supposed to be coming his way – he’s like Prince Charles, only with other avenues open to him.

What will happen: A Salomon Kalou double and big away win

Fulham v Arsenal

Seventh isn’t beyond Fulham, incredible given they were in the relegation zone and a mere point off the bottom at the turn of the year. It’s like Lazarus II: The Revengening.

There’s no way Arsenal want to play an extra two legs before the Champions League, so they’ll put everything into winning this to finish third.

The problem is they’re without a lot of players thanks to injury: Nasri and Fabregas will be sorely missed, but no more than Djourou and Koscielny at the back, as it means Seb ‘offside trap - pah!’ Squillaci will have to play again.

In contrast, Fulham lose only Damien Duff to an injury known in Latin as Crockedis Inevitabilis.

What won’t happen: The Wenger v Hughes Handshake Debacle descends into a full-on brawl

What will happen: Fulham snatch a draw to sink a woeful Arsenal to fourth

Manchester United v Blackpool (Sky Sports 1 & HD1)

The mist of demented paranoia circling this game is so thick you could bottle it.

No, Ian Holloway, the Premier League is not against you. No, Ian Holloway, it is not conspiring to get your team relegated. No, Ian Holloway, you are not funny. You are very, very annoying.

Will Manchester United field a second string? How long is a piece of their second string? And will Ferguson ever retire? All this, and more, in the next ten years...

What won’t happen: Gabriel Obertan, who will start, to look unduly impressive

What will happen: Unbelievably for a team with a better away record than a team in sixth place, Blackpool haven’t won on the road in 2011 – but somehow, against a weakened United side, they do it here. Bring on the conspiracy theories...

Newcastle v West Brom

It’s a good thing Newcastle have one of the highest average attendances in the top flight this season, or fans might be tempted to go elsewhere on this exciting final day; there’s bugger all to keep them here.

This match is so pointless, with so little riding on it, that even recounting the injury list seems a waste of time. But if you must know, Dorrans and Ibanez are unavailable for the Baggies, and Newcastle are without Nolan, Perch, Best, Gosling, Harper and Williamson. And Ben Arfa, obviously. He’s dead.

What won’t happen: West Brom continue their resurgence with a final away victory to confuse Roy Hodgson further, who swears he keeps telling them not to win

What will happen: Draw

Stoke v Wigan (Sky Sports 1 Red Button & Online)

After a good few results for Martinez’s men, pundits are convinced Wigan will stay up, but it’s not as simple as that.

Sure, they don’t even have to get a point to leapfrog two teams and climb out of the relegation zone – but you never want your destiny to be out of your hands. Unless, of course, you believe in a deity or deities, in which case it’s quite a fundamental core of your belief-system and to be honest, there are enough of you to suggest you’re quite happy to have your destiny out of your hands.

So...yes. Anyway, Wigan could win and go down, lose and stay up, but whatever happens, they don’t look capable of making serious progress under their Spanish manager.

A win against a Stoke side that hasn’t lost at home in 2011 might go some way to disproving that theory, even if the Potters are minus bullish strikers Fuller and Sidibe and arguably still demoralised after the FA Cup final. Sod’s Law dictates Wigan will probably have a stormer, win, but go down anyway.

What won’t happen: Wigan fans’ spirits to be particularly damaged by the news that 85-year-old reserve team keeper Mike Pollitt is out injured

What will happen: Absolutely, honestly no idea. It’s just too close. Stoke are obdurate opponents but have one eye downcast and the other on Europe already; Wigan want it more but don’t have the firepower. Even if we go with the cop-out of a draw, anything could happen. Toss a coin (we’ll give your our prediction for this one at the end to keep the suspense at optimum levels…)

Tottenham v Birmingham (Sky Sports 2 & HD2, Absolute Radio)

Speaking of coin tosses, if you were wondering whether statistically unlikely Premier League stalemates are settled in such a fashion – they’re not.

The last resort is instead a play-off at a neutral venue. God alone knows how they settle it in the event of THREE teams finishing tied on points, goal difference and goals scored, but we assume it‘d involved some kind of triangular pitch surrounded by fire somewhere near the centre of the earth.

Here’s how it could feasibly – ish – happen so that Birmingham and Wigan would have to enter a play-off.

i) Wigan lose 1-0 to Stoke. OK, that’s possible – likely, even.
ii) Blackpool lose to Manchester United by three goals or more. Also possible.
iii) Birmingham lose this game at White Hart Lane 6-3.

What? It could happen!

What won’t happen: That scenario

What will happen: McLeish gives his Blue boys the kick up the *rse they need, and they take a victory against a Spurs team with their eye off the ball. ‘Arry, avoiding fifth, isn’t too bothered

West Ham v Sunderland

The Hammers to go out on a high? Kevin Keen to be given a five-year contract? West Ham to come straight back up next season?

Yes; no; it depends on the manager. In the short term, Sunderland still having no fit strikers will definitely help.

What won’t happen: Sunderland wrap up their 101st Premier League win (that’s ever, mind, not this season)

What will happen: Home win

Wolves v Blackburn

It’s an odd one: like life itself, this game could mean everything or nothing, depending on results elsewhere.

One thing’s for certain: as exhilarating as all the permutations could make it, the game itself will not be an end-to-end stomper.

Nelsen, Grella, Edwards, Zubar and Mouyokolo miss out for various teams - none of them Barcelona.

What won’t happen: Blackburn take their first away win of 2011; Wolves beat Rovers for the first time in seven attempts

What will happen: One for the purists: a battling but dour draw

So what does this all mean? With Blackpool and Birmingham winning, and Wolves and Blackburn drawing, it essentially comes down to Wigan needing to win at Stoke.

And - drum roll please…

They won’t. Wolves and Wigan to drop, Birmingham and Blackpool to survive.

Heroes & Villains: Champagne, confusion and pop psychology

2011-05-16T14:23:00Z

HEROES

Sir Alex Ferguson
And so the ‘worst Manchester United team in years’ are champions of English football with a game to spare – not bad going for a team some pundits were tipping to finish outside the top two.

Although Ferguson’s team maybe have coughed and spluttered over the line with a scrappy 1-1 draw at Blackburn, there’s no question that United are deserving champions over the course of the season having been the only team in the Premier League to consistently grind out results over the last 10 months.

Given the saturation of the Premier League (and the adulation of Manchester United) it's hard to praise Ferguson without repetition, but let's give credit where it's unquestionably due. He has yet again managed to build a team capable of sustained success; although some of the bigger names are getting on, youngsters like Fabio, Rafael, Chris Smalling and Javier Hernandez are likely to continue improving.

And he continues to come up with managerial masterstrokes – his handling of Wayne Rooney’s autumnal strop and his utilisation of Ryan Giggs in central midfield being just two to mention as he finally managed to officially knock Liverpool off their perch with the 19th title.

On Saturday’s Match of the Day, Alan Hansen – the man whose analysis of a Manchester United "crisis" in 2002 produced the memorable perch quote – stated that any of the current top four would have won this season’s Premier League had the Scot been at the helm. You could probably add Liverpool and Tottenham.

The biggest challenge is successfully defending a title, as Ferguson well knows having won 12 in 19 seasons, half of which were successful defences. Given his squad’s mix of youth, experience and relentless desire – wonder where they get the latter from? – title No.20 is certainly well within their capabilities.

Charles N'Zogbia
With just under an hour played of Sunday’s ‘plummet meeting’ between Wigan and West Ham at the DW Stadium, the Latics were staring down the barrel. Enter Charles N’Zogbia, whose superb 25-yard free-kick dragged Roberto Martinez’s side back into the game and completely transformed the atmosphere in a stadium that, to be blunt, rarely rocks.

Connor Sammon put Wigan level within 11 minutes and from that point on it was anybody’s game. Wigan’s greater composure saw them succeed where West Ham – and particularly Carlton Cole – failed by putting the ball in the net for a third time, thanks again to N’Zogbia.

How Birmingham, the team most likely to suffer should Wigan escape the drop, must rue not agreeing to the French wideman’s wage demands after agreeing a transfer fee last summer. Had that deal been completed, it’s hard to imagine Blues being in danger – or Wigan still being in touch.

Steven Fletcher
After a season of struggle, Wolves have come good at exactly the right time – and Fletcher has led the revival. The Scotland striker has scored five goals in five matches which have seen Mick McCarthy’s side pick up the eight points that have propelled them out of the relegation zone. His latest was the crucial second in a win at Sunderland which leaves Wolves certain of safety should they beat Blackburn next weekend.

Blackpool (all of 'em)
Saturday’s 4-3 win over Bolton encapsulated Blackpool’s season – thrilling, watchable football in which defensive frailties are weighed against a willingness to attack that hovers in the borderlands between enthusiasm and naivety. It may not be quite enough: they may need a win at Old Trafford to survive. That’s not impossible, of course – West Ham were in the same position in 2007, but while Carlos Tevez's goal beat a demob-happy Manchester United side, Blackpool will face players pushing for a place in the Champions League final.

Although the Tangerines have at times been a joy to watch, and have exceeded the expectations of most just by still being alive on the final day, you sense we may be about to bid them farewell; however, few impartial observers could complain if Ian Holloway's men escape the drop on goals scored.

Ledley King
Where would Spurs be had King been fit all season? Quite possibly in roughly the same position – after all, their problems have mainly been at the other end. But there’s no doubting the calming presence of their skipper would’ve given Spurs a far better chance of returning to the Champions League. Quite what the future holds for the defender, lord knows – but he didn’t look to be suffering at all as he inspired Spurs to an unexpected and welcome victory at Anfield which puts Spurs back in the driving seat for a Europa League berth.

Brede Hangeland
Having played exactly like a man who’d been bed-bound with a stomach virus for a week against Liverpool last Monday, the Norway centre half repaid Mark Hughes and the travelling faithful by scoring twice as the Cottagers beat Birmingham on their last away jaunt of the season. If only they could do it more often: Fulham haven't won more than three away league games in a season since 2004/05.

Darren Bent
Two brilliantly taken – and dare we say it, typically Darren Bent – goals helped Villa to a much-welcome win at Arsenal that finally ensured the West Midlands side’s Premier League place for next season.

VILLAINS

The West Ham board
The say a bad workman blames his tools. Given there seems to be no bigger tool – at least in terms of managing Premier League teams to relegation – than Avram Grant, it seems logical that the blame for West Ham's farcical season should rest not with the man mopping in the dugout but the bunch of publicity-hungry quote-machines haplessly running the club: David Sullivan, David Gold and Karren Brady.

Grant is, it has to be said, not a great football manager. Having failed to inspire all but the merest fight into Portsmouth last season, it’s hardly surprising that he was unable to instil the necessary fighting spirit into West Ham. A glance at the back page of a Hammers programme makes you wonder how exactly this pathetic campaign has come to pass. The Upton Park squad is far from the weakest in the Premier League, and Grant was given money to strengthen it further in January.

But a more notable transfer-window arrival than Gary O'Neil or Demba Ba was intense speculation over the manager's future. Before Saturday 17 January's home game with Arsenal, the tabloid talk about the imminent appointment of Martin O'Neill was so loud that Grant's throwing of a scarf into the crowd was widely seen as his final act at the club. O'Neill baulked at the premature publicity and ruled himself out, leaving the board saddled with a dead man walking, and the constant noises-off have done nothing of benefit to West Ham.

If it wasn't paper talk (fed by "well-placed sources" to pet journos) about Grant's potential successors, it was the unseemly (and unpopular) land-grab for the Olympic Stadium, which rumbled unhelpfully on through an unsuccessful spring. Then, three weeks ago, Sullivan weighed in with pompous pop-psychology by announcing that big names would be sold if the club went down – an unveiled threat unlikely to unite fans, players and manager into a concerted team effort.

West Ham will be back, of course. Scott Parker, Matt Upson, Rob Green, Thomas Hitzelsperger and Demba Ba may leave this summer, but they’ll behind a group of youngsters – James Tomkins, Zavon Hines, Jordan Spence, Freddie Sears, Junior Stanislas and Jack Collison – with fine potential to succeed in the ever-open Championship.

The key will be leadership, and not just on the field (presumably in the ever-willing form of Mark Noble): Hammers fans must hope the owners finally find a man who can bring it to Upton Park – and leave him to do the job without constant undermining from the sidelines.

Birmingham City
All Blues needed to secure Premier League safety was three points at St Andrew's against a Fulham side that have been consistently unsuccessful away for six seasons and had just been gubbed 5-2 by Liverpool. But rather than concentrate on the fundamentals – like passing, tackling, marking and actually moving about a bit – the Blues opted to play like statues in a 2-0 defeat that sent their fans facing a few sleepless nights before their final-day clash with Tottenham. Curiously, goal difference means that Birmingham could win and still go down, or lose and still stay up. Expect TV close-ups of confused faces staring into mobile phones…

Sebastien Squillaci
It’s hard not to assume some relationship between Arsenal’s failure to win trophies and their inability to play a simple offside trap – not least because when they employed perennial arm-lofters Dixon, Adams, Bould and Winterburn the Gunners reeked of trophy polish and stale champagne (although that was just the Monday morning odour of Paul Merson).

Sadly those days are long gone, and when Kyle Walker dinked a perfectly weighted ball to Darren Bent to give Villa an early lead at the Emirates it was Sebastien Squillaci who had been caught day-dreaming to round off what can only be described as a ruddy awful first season in English football.

Blackburn Rovers (late doors)
With Birmingham and Blackpool facing tough last-day trips to White Hart Lane and Old Trafford, it's perhaps unlikely that Blackburn will be relegated. But if they are, they will rue the last five minutes of Saturday’s 1-1 home draw with Manchester United.

With the game level in the dying minutes and United preparing to pop their corks, Rovers sat back and watched the visitors play half-arsed keep-balls across their back four, rather than pressing and attempting to seal three points that would fully secure safety. Is this the brave new world of "good football" for which Sam Allardyce was sacrificed? Some may find it a bit churlish to suggest it would be funny if Blackburn went down by one point...

Weekender: Fairy tales and dangling swords

2011-05-13T12:34:00Z

1. Don't wish for a fairytale start
While romantics may hope Stoke break the deadlock to bring the FA Cup Final to life, an early Potters strike could have the opposite effect: if Pulis's men score first, it's usually game over. This season, sturdy Stoke have been the second-best Premier League team at maintaining a lead: they've gone in front 13 times, won nine of them and never lost. Meanwhile, Man City are the second-worst team in the Premier League at coming from behind – having gained just four points from losing positions this season.

2. Tales of two Cities usually end up blue
Saturday's FA Cup Final will be only the third to feature two teams called City – and on both previous occasions the Manchester blues have lifted the trophy. In 1955/56 they beat Birmingham 3-1, and in 1968/69 they battled to a 1-0 victory over Leicester. This could be a good omen for City… er, Manchester City, that is.

3. The FA Cup programme could be on your phone
Off to Wembley this weekend? Pick up a programme – not just as a memento but as an interactive peek behind the scenes and the beginning of a revolution in football programmes. Smartphone users can access a range of FATV videos via five QR codes printed in the programme. The videos will include Manchester City and Stoke City tunnel cams from the semi-finals, match highlights (from 6pm), highlights of this year's Road to Wembley and classic FA Cup goals.
SEE THE PROGRAMME Digital version available here

4. Ben Foster has an easy life
Champions League winner (and former milkman) Javier Zanetti joined the 1,000-game club this week. Zanetti's 1,000 matches average out to one every 13.79 days throughout his 37 years – which means he's been playing far more regularly than tiredy-tiredy England retiree Ben Foster, who has only managed a match every 49.36 days, yet still feels the need to pack in international football to 'focus on playing for Birmingham'.
FEATURE Milkman Zanetti delivers the goods for the thousandth time

5. Shrews make a very unShrewd move
Shrewsbury may have missed automatic promotion thanks to an officiating blunder (see last Friday's Weekender), but if they fail in the play-offs they could only have themselves to blame. In Saturday's semi-final they face Torquay, to whom they loaned Jake Robinson in January – without a clause to say he couldn't face his parent club. Sure enough, when Town travelled to Plainmoor in March he bagged two in a 5-0 whitewash.

Win a pair of Puma Kings
The choice of legends down the ages, Puma Kings are about as iconic as boots get. Want some? Follow the link…
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Prepare the perch. As if it hadn't already happened when he used the phrase in 2002, Sir Alex Ferguson is about to lead Manchester United to the top of English football's mathematical pecking order by going one better than Liverpool's 18 top-flight titles. The leaders swept aside champions Chelsea as they have all bar one of their Old Trafford visitors this season; their 52 points from 18 home games would see them in seventh even if they hadn't turned up for a single away game.

On this occasion, Sky's wet dream – 1st v 2nd in the season's final fortnight – ended after 36 seconds when Javier Hernandez scored; United utterly dominated the first half and Nemanja Vidic's set-piece header rendered Frank Lampard's consolation irrelevant. While Liverpool make Kenny Dalglish's job permanent and Man City trust Roberto Mancini to build on this season's successful bid for Champions League qualification, Chelsea will doubtless change things again in the summer with another manager installed under Roman Abramovich's Sword of Damocles; there's no chance of the Stamford Bridge hierarchy giving a manager six seasons to win the league title, as United did for Ferguson before he racked up 12 in the 19 seasons of the Premier League.

How the powers that be could do with such successful leadership. In a Parliamentary enquiry into exactly how badly football is run in England, former FA chairman Lord Triesman alleged that four FIFA members sought "bribes" from England's 2018 bid, bringing furious denials from FIFA and the appointment of legal eagles by the FA itself.

While we're dealing with the distasteful, Celtic boss Neil Lennon was punched on the touchline by a Hearts fan whose face was helpfully pixellated by most media outlets. Well, the assailant deserves that level of privacy.

Moving shudderingly back to matters on the field, the world's oldest league completed its regular season with the usual cheers and tears. QPR were confirmed as champions by the FA not docking them points, with Southampton (promoted from the third division) and Chesterfield (champions of the fourth) also celebrating; on the other hand, Bristol Rovers and Dagenham & Redbridge dropped into the basement while Lincoln dropped out of the league. We can't all be winners , but we should applaud those who are.

Palermo prepare to pour into Rome for Coppa Italia
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Ronaldo closes in on goalscoring record as Racing save themselves
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Familiar scenes as Shakhtar crowned champions of Ukraine again
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31 games in 31 days: Just Done It...
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First blood to Twente in the top-two tussle
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Premier Sketch: Alarm clocks, atheism & top-drawer saves
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Scottish football's dark day
We Scots complain that our league doesn’t get the headlines – unless it's something negative. And so it goes again. After seeing our referees go on strike and a manager be sent parcel bombs in the post, now we watch that same manager have to deal with a thug running into the technical area and attacking him.

How much is too much for Neil Lennon? After last month's parcel bomb and this week's suspicious package, thought to contain a bullet, do the perpetrators simply want to scare Lennon out of Celtic, or do they want something far more sinister?

If Lennon walked out to preserve his safety, no one would blame him. But by the same token, in that event we should all just give up and go home. Football is meant to be an escape from work and family commitments, but too many bring religion and sectarianism into it. It’s important to remember football is just a game.

Some say he doesn’t help himself with his conduct. I don't buy into that. How do you justify death threats and parcel bombs because someone is passionate about their football team? Maybe Lennon does play to the crowd to an extent, certainly more than his Parkhead predecessors. But then so does Jose Mourinho, wherever he’s gone.

It’s disappointing that in a week filled with tributes and testimonials for an Old Firm manager who leaves his post after years of service to the club, his city rival can't enjoy the same sort of respect – even if Lennon’s a comparative rookie.

This nasty affair will continue on for days and may even overshadow the culmination of whoever wins the league following this weekend’s programme of matches. But in truth, when this season’s over, we’ll be glad to see the back of it. Not least Neil Lennon.
– Craig Anderson, from our Scottish blog Fitba' Focus. Read the full feature here

"At school I was a centre-forward with pace"
– One-on-One, Apr 2010: Jamie Carragher

"When I was growing up we won f**k all"
– Sing When You're Winning, Mar 2010: Liam Gallagher

"You're only a proper Graham if you spell it with an 'h'"
– Ask A Silly Question, Jul 2009: Graham Taylor

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Gregg Davies, Huw Davies, Ian Perkins, Ross Quayle, Craig Anderson and Shaka Hislop's hot dog

The short-wearing, boing-boinging, ‘80s Euro synthpop Prem Preview

2011-05-13T12:07:00Z

It’s the penultimate weekend and sneaky plum time if you’re in the bottom three, but the Premier League plays second fiddle to the FA Cup Final this weekend – or at least it should do…

But who gives a toss about the self-proclaimed greatest tournament ever invented, eh? It’s all about the Premier League as far as this blog is (contractually) concerned – it’s like one of Richard Keys' dreams, apart from there’s no sign of female officials being eaten by fire-breathing lions as Keith Houchen stands by, watching the melee while singing the theme from M*A*S*H.

SATURDAY

Blackburn v Manchester United (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)
It’s only right that Manchester United should be crowned champions for a record-breaking 19th time at, uh, Ewood Park. But the fans won’t care where they start the party.

While it’s been an excellent season for the Red Devils - one that can only be topped by winning the Champions League at Wembley - Rovers’ owners must be seriously regretting letting go of Sam Allardyce. That is, if they even remember doing so.

Blackburn may only be two places lower now than they were at the time, but their three-point advantage over dropzone dwellers Blackpool and Wigan could be eliminated after this match. With the honeymoon period curtailed to a wet and windy weekend in Cleethorpes, Steve Kean may be wondering what he’s let himself in for.

They’ll welcome back the talismanic David Dunn, the only Englishman to score for Rovers this season, but a second win in 14 games looks beyond them here.

What won’t happen: Steve Kean to inherit Fergie’s job, not that he’ll ever retire while he lives and breathes anyway
What will happen: United comfortably wrap up three points and the title

Blackpool v Bolton (12.45pm, 5 Live Sports Extra)
Given their current form, this blogger wonders if it’s possible for both teams to lose somehow.

Bolton would be the likelier candidates, having lost their previous five away matches (they’re second from bottom in the away games table) and being injury-depleted to the point of them playing Johan ‘striker and husband of Amanda’ Elmander in midfield.

The Tangerines, though, are second-bottom of the form league and third-bottom of the league that matters (and no, that’s not the fair play table).

This has a draw written all over it in poo-coloured felt tip pen.

What won’t happen: Coyle finally succumbs to his waking dreams and, shorts at the ready, brings himself on as a second-half sub to score the winning goal
What will happen: A pooey point apiece

Who likes short shorts? Owen Coyle - we keep telling you this...

Sunderland v Wolves (12.45pm, Absolute Radio)
You can’t spell football without 0-0, unfortunately, and that result looks as likely here as people saying “But zeroes aren’t the same as Os.”

Technically, of course, you can’t spell football without 1-1 either, if you take the lower case ‘l’s as ones.

There was a point here, originally.

A goalless draw looks very much on the cards, as Sunderland aren’t the best at home (one win since New Year’s Day) and Wolves are pretty inept away, taking just nine points on the road. Not so much dangerous predators, then, as pretty massive roadkill.

What won’t happen: Sunderland to experiment with Craig Levein’s legendary 4-6-0 formation in the absence of any fit strikers
What will happen: A useful point for Wolves ahead of their showdown with Blackburn next week

West Brom v Everton (12.45pm)
Hey kids, can you say ‘nothing fixture’?

This blog doesn’t want to demean games that could still be very interesting, but it’s safe to say there’s little riding on this one.

Everton will stay seventh with a win, a loss or a draw and West Brom are mathematically safe. They could climb into the top half with an 18-0 win, but even taking a 3-0 lead would be enough to give Roy Hodgson a heart attack.

For preventing, or at least delaying, West Brom’s boing-boingness, Woy deserves the credit he was never going to get at Liverpool whatever his results there. We probably won’t be seeing any animated GIFs of his relative success at the Hawthorns though.

What won’t happen: Everton could go sixth with two wins if Spurs take just one point from their last two matches (very possible at Anfield and against a battling Birmingham), but...
What will happen: ...they’ll slip up here. Draw. Actually, we’ve been told we predict too many draws, so sod it, away win.

SUNDAY

Chelsea v Newcastle (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)
It’s not quite the title race broadcasters were hoping for at this juncture, but this is still an intriguing tussle, not least as we could get a glimpse of Newcastle’s new kit in action.

Sadly, we’re likely to have to wait at least another week to see it, but if any of their multitude of injured players turn up wearing a T-shirt with a waistcoat and tie motif, supporters should get the gist.

What won’t happen: Chelsea, the only team in the league with no major injury worries, generously lend knack-wracked Newcastle a few squad players
What will happen: Home win

Arsenal v Aston Villa (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1)
The Gunners’ decline this season has been well documented, and 10 points from 27 since the Carling Cup Final tells a tale.

But if they finish strongly with two heavy wins against Villa and Fulham, and Chelsea slip up in their tricky final fixture away at Everton, they could return to second in the table, which would at least be a small fillip. More like a Phil, perhaps.

They’ll be without ‘80s Euro synthpop duo Fabregas and Nasri, but should have enough to see off a Villa side who have already reached safety. Expect Darren Bent to score, though – he’s fairly good at it.

What won’t happen: Houllier to see out the whole of next season; it’s just a hunch, but with his very sad health problems, he may be forced to retire sooner rather than later
What will happen: 2-1, with Walcott, Bendtner and Bent all on the scoresheet. Well, we might as well try to be specific

Wow, ‘80s Euro synthpop duo Fabregas and Nasri have got the moves...

Birmingham v Fulham (4pm)
Fulham have had an excellent latter half of the season, surging into the top half with a series of good results. A round of applause, please. Actually, wait, we forgot about the Michael Jackson statue – cancel that applause. Fetch the shotguns.

Brum should be safe by now but have fallen into what could be interpreted as a ‘Europe next year, probably safe already this year’ malaise. Taking just one point from their last four matches is testament to that, and explains why they’re only three points from being in the Championship.

They’re a wee bit short, too, with Martins, McFadden, Taylor and Dann all injured and Ridgewell and Gardner serving suspensions. Tut tut.

Luckily they’re playing a team that, for all their recovery, still doesn’t believe in winning away. In the last six seasons, Fulham have won just 11 matches on the road – as many as Manchester United recorded all last season.

What won’t happen: A thumping away win, despite Fulham domination
What will happen: Birmingham crawl closer to certified safety in the manner of a blind squirrel with a limp

Liverpool v Spurs (4pm, 5 Live Sports Extra)
Oh, it’s the big one: the battle for fifth! With a shot at Champions League participation now mathematically beyond both teams, Spurs and Liverpool fight it out for the booby prize of the Europa League: it’s a straight toe-to-toe between two teams who don’t really want to be in it. And it’s all live on TV!

Uh, what? It’s not? Oh, of course, there’s a dead rubber between alphabetical friends Arsenal and Aston Villa to televise and show to the masses. Obviously that takes precedent.

Martin Kelly should return for Liverpool, while Tottenham have the longest injury list in the league: Bale, Huddlestone, Hutton, Assou-Ekotto, Woodgate, King,

Khumalo and now Palacios will all miss out. Jermaine Jenas may come back into the team, like silver lining a polished turd.

What won’t happen: An away win for Spurs: Dalglish has made Anfield a fortress, his team taking 20 points from a possible 24 since he arrived
What will happen: Liverpool win and Tottenham remain on just one victory since their 1-0 win over Milan at the San Siro in February.

Wigan v West Ham (4pm)
This is the last-chance saloon for West Ham, and what an opportunity: travelling to the team one place and three points above them in the league. If they don’t win this, they’re down – it’s as simple as that.

A bit of a bugger for them, then, that Little Scotty Parker is out injured with Kryptonite Thigh. Stanislas, Noble, O’Neil and – snigger – Kieron Dyer will all be watching from the sidelines. Actually, Dyer might have a nap.

Looking at their remaining fixtures, here at home to West Ham then away at a relaxed Stoke City, the Latics should be safe. But Wigan still look as comfortable in charge of their own destiny as a man holding a piss-filled nuclear warhead.

What won’t happen: A working piss-filled nuclear warhead, admittedly
What will happen: A heroic away win delays the inevitable for Grant’s grafters

Gangly centre-back Bin Laden, Arsenal and the plot to shoot Shearer

2011-05-06T11:55:00Z

Last weekend, US special forces killed Osama Bin Laden. In the February 2008 issue of FourFourTwo, Paul Simpson explored the connections between Bin Laden, terrorism, Arsenal – and a bizarre plot targeting England's France 98 squad…

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“He’s hiding near Kabul, he loves the Arsenal, Osama, oh oh oh…”
Arsenal fans' chant, to the tune of Volare.
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The Ides of March, 1994, Highbury. Among the 35,000 fans watching Arsenal beat Torino 1-0 in a European Cup Winners’ Cup quarter-final is, to quote Adam Robinson, author of Bin Laden: Behind The Mask Of The Terrorist, a “thick-bearded Islamic fundamentalist” called Osama Bin Laden, the architect of 9/11, attending “his first competitive football match”.

Robinson tells us: “The thick-bearded Islamic fundamentalist must have been a strange sight on the terraces, nevertheless, if he felt out of place, he did not worry about it.” This was the dull *** end of George Graham’s reign and Bin Laden was, Robinson insists, more impressed by the fans’ passion than the action.

The future most wanted man in the world returned, Robinson says, to watch Arsenal beat PSG. A ticket for this match was allegedly found in a cave in Tora Bora, Afghanistan, vacated by Bin Laden when US forces seized control in December 2001. The Al-Qaeda leader is rumoured to have watched four Arsenal games from the Clock End and bought a replica shirt for his 15-year-old son Abdullah.

Robinson’s revelations, published three weeks after 9/11, horrified Arsenal officials. One football writer – and Arsenal fan – who knows the club very well told FourFourTwo: “I’ve even heard that Highbury workers trawled through hours of CCTV footage to try and discover the full truth but to no avail.” (The club, invited to comment on these rumours, replied that they do not comment on speculation.)

Yet some fans welcomed the stories with a grim, ironic pride. For a while, if the action on the pitch dragged, you might hear an increasingly dirge-like, chorus of “Osama’s a Gooner”. ArseWeb put a positive gloss on the stories, saying “this makes north London ever so slightly less likely to become a target” while @FC, the electronic Arsenal fanzine, chortled: “A mate of mine reckons he remembers him. ‘Tall bloke, beard like old wire wool. Kept singing ‘No one likes me, I don’t care’ and ‘Stand up if you hate Zionist imperialism’.”

The idea that the CIA could have located their nemesis simply by scanning the Arsenal mailing list has a certain darkly comic appeal. But if he was there, why didn’t more people spot him? Or recall this “thick bearded fundamentalist” later?

While researching this piece, FourFourTwo contacted many Arsenal fans, most of them long-term season-ticket holders, and were invariably told something like: “I’ve never met anyone who can confirm the sightings.” The closest I got was from an Arsenal-supporting journalist who said: “I’ve only seen him on a T-shirt.”

Bin Laden’s many biographers are a disputatious bunch. And one of the many things they can’t agree on is whether he was in London in the spring of 1994 at all. They do, however, agree on one thing: Bin Laden really does love football.

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“I saw in a dream, we were playing a soccer game against the Americans. When our team showed up in the field, they were all pilots.”
Bin Laden reminiscing about an Al-Qaeda member’s dream, on a tape released by the US government in 2001, in which Al-Qaeda’s pilots beat the Americans in a football match.
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Osama Bin Laden has three lives: the one he’s actually living (assuming he’s still alive); an idealised, mythologised version of that life, created by Al-Qaeda and its supporters, which presents him as an Islamic Robin Hood; and a distorted, caricatured recreation of that life disseminated by Western intelligence agencies that portrays him as a hypocritical, physically ailing, former playboy turned ruthless fanatic who lurks in a bat cave somewhere in Afghanistan or Pakistan where, with the deranged zeal of a James Bond villain, he whiles away the hours plotting mass destruction.

Some facts are undisputed. He was born in Riyadh, the Saudi capital, on March 10 1957. His father Muhammad Bin Laden was one of the Saudi royal family’s favourite construction tycoons. One of his dozen wives was Osama’s mother, a Syrian woman called Alia Ghanem. Osama was the only child of their marriage. His divorced mum later remarried and Osama went to live with her and his step-siblings.

He was the 43rd of 51 siblings and the 21st of 29 brothers. His dad died in a plane crash in 1967. A year later, when Osama was 11, he enrolled at Al Thagher Model School, the most prestigious school in the Saudi city of Jeddah. Teachers there seemed mystified by his subsequent notoriety. In conversation with The New Yorker’s Steve Coll, they called him a “quiet lad”, “nice fellow”, “rather shy and reserved” and “unusually tall”.

Bin Laden in Sweden in 1971

In 1971 or 1972, Bin Laden was invited to join an Islamic study group run by a Syrian PE teacher who, Coll suggests, may have belonged to an organisation known as the Muslim Brotherhood which believed, among other things, that the faithful should start a violent jihad against Christian occupiers and secular leaders in the Middle East. Osama may have agreed to join the group to earn extra course credits.

One of Bin Laden’s schoolmates told Coll: “The teacher promised that if we stayed we could play soccer. I very much wanted to play soccer, so we began to stay after school from two to five. He explained that we would spend a little bit of time indoors at first, memorising a few verses from the Koran, and then we’d play football.

"He had the key to the goodies – the lockers where the balls and the equipment were kept. He’d send us out to the field but the athletic part was just disorganised. There was no organised soccer. I ended up playing a lot of one-on-one soccer, which is not very much fun.”

After the teacher recounted the stirring tale of a son who shot his father because dad was preventing him from pleasing God, this friend decided to give the classes a swerve. But Bin Laden was inspired by the sessions, let his beard grow, declined to iron his shirt (to emulate the Prophet) and started talking about the need to restore pure Islamic law.

But Bin Laden was still mad about football. Khaled Batarfi, now a senior Saudi journalist, lived a few doors down from him and played in the same team. With a touch of perverse pride, Batarfi always points out that he was captain and Bin Laden answered to him. He soon decided that his “unusually tall” friend had the stature and physique to get on the end of a few crosses. Sometimes, if the team were under pressure, he’d tell Osama to play in central defence.

Bin Laden may have been gangly – he is estimated to be 6ft 3in tall – but he held his own on the pitch. Batarfi told CNN: “A player told me someone was roughing up Bin Laden. I went running to the guy and pushed him away from Osama. But Osama came up to me and said: ‘You know, if you’d waited a few minutes I would have solved that problem peacefully’.”

Bin Laden went to the mosque several times a day and often retreated to desert camps to toughen himself up, but he still liked Westerns, Bruce Lee movies and American cars. But when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan in 1979, the 22-year-old Bin Laden found his cause, joining the mujhedin resistance.

Protesters make their point against the invasion

Within weeks of 9/11, stories were released of Bin Laden living it up in Beirut nightclubs, quaffing Dom Perignon and chasing waitresses. These reports amazed his sister-in-law Carmen Bin Laden and Coll says there is no credible evidence he ever lived there. It may be a simple case of mistaken identity – Carmen recalled: “Another brother-in-law chased many a skirt in Lebanon” – but the stories could have discredited Osama, casting him as, at best, a playboy who had seen the error of his ways and, at worst, a hypocrite.

These stories matter because they are detailed in Robinson’s book Bin Laden: Behind The Mask Of The Terrorist, the same tome which has beguiled us with the image of a conspicuously bearded Osama watching Cup Winners’ Cup games at Highbury. The Beirut stories – and a claim that Bin Laden bought a house in Wembley in 1994 – appeared, almost simultaneously, in a book by Yossef Bodansky, who gloried in the title of Director of the Congressional Task Force on Terrorism. Among other revelations Robinson and Bodansky have in common is the daring plot to massacre English and American footballers at the 1998 World Cup which we will come to later.

Jason Burke, the Observer reporter whose books about Bin Laden and Al Qaeda are mercifully bereft of the usual sensationalism, wrote: “Selling a story to a news editor is a lot easier if you can involve Bin Laden. Oddly, a convention seems to have developed whereby something from a ‘security source’ acquires a degree of veracity and appears exempt from normal journalistic practices.” And it’s not as if you can check these stories with Al-Qaeda’s press office or be sued for libel by the most notorious man in the world.

For Burke, such rumours are par for the course. In his book, he notes: “Bin Laden was in fact a pious, studious, polite and somewhat shy teenager who was married at 17. Neither is there any evidence that bin Laden is an Arsenal fan who personally ordered the assassination of David Beckham. For the record, nor does Bin Laden have a small or deformed penis, nor is he homosexual.”

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“Do not play in two halves. Rather play in one half or three halves in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the corrupted and the disobedient.”
Fatwa issued on football, by Saudi cleric Sheikh Abdallah al-Nadji.
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Football is the one aspect of Western culture that has been embraced by many Muslims in the Middle East. In Afghanistan, even Bin Laden’s hardline allies, the Taliban, never completely banned the game though the regime did introduce horrific pre-match entertainment. Abdulsaboor Walizada, an Afghan footballer, told the Sunday Mirror that teams became accustomed to warming up while people were executed on the pitch: “Men and women would be led out to the penalty spot and shot just before the game began. There were amputations for petty criminals.”

In Saudi Arabia, the extended royal House of Saud and other members of the elite have tried to exploit football’s immense popularity, ploughing their petrodollars into the game in a bid – so far not spectacularly successful – to buy political legitimacy. Women are banned from stadiums, and the poor cannot afford to get in, so the overeducated and underemployed middle class goes to matches. Saudi football has proved even less effective as an opium for the masses since European games became available on satellite TV.

The popularity of Western sporting culture upset some religious leaders. In December 2005, the Washington-based Middle East Research Institute published a fatwa it said had been issued in 2003 by Sheikh Abdallah al-Nadji which told Saudi footballers not to use terms like foul and penalty kick which were “favoured by nonbelievers and polytheists” and proposed that, in defiance of the usual custom, teams should not contain 11 players. But it also suggested that football was really only justified if it helped players improve “their physical fitness and prepare for jihad”.

The fatwa was soon disowned by other clerics and would have perplexed Bin Laden, wherever he was hiding. Football was still part of his life in Afghanistan in the 1980s and in Sudan in the 1990s, where he sought refuge from a rumoured CIA assassination squad and Saudi surveillance. Observer journalist Burke gives a fascinating snapshot of Bin Laden the businessmen in Khartoum: “Most of the time was spent making money, rather than spreading global jihad. Life in Sudan was odd. There were football matches and bathing trips and long junior common room-type arguments over points of Islamic doctrine.”

Although Sudan had an Islamic government – and Bin Laden invested hundreds of millions of dollars into the country’s infrastructure – the regime had, by 1994, begun to look for ways of expelling Osama. That very year, they helped the West track down Carlos the Jackal, Bin Laden’s predecessor as the world’s most famous terrorist.

In this context, it is possible that Bin Laden might have wanted to vanish from Sudan for a few months, although London would have been a risky destination, given that Western intelligence were already on his case. But it is at this point – in early 1994 – that Bin Laden could have become an Arsenal fan. The key word there is could.

It’s probably best to start with the Robinson/Bodansky account. In 1994, Robinson says, Bin Laden “purchased a house on or near Harrow Road in the Wembley area” with cash. (He was certainly rich enough.) He had, Robinson says, last visited Britain in 1974 but, even though he didn’t come back for 20 years, he had mysteriously “developed and retained a liking for the country”. On this trip, in early 1994, he tasted the “simple pleasures of an anonymous and free man”. One of those pleasures, Robinson says, was “to attend his first competitive football match at Arsenal’s Highbury Road [sic].”

Highbury in 1994: Haunt of Bin Laden?

Bin Laden liked the atmosphere so much he couldn’t keep away although, in Robinson’s account, he had plenty to occupy him. He had founded an office he called Al Qaeda – it means “the base” – in Afghanistan in 1988 and met supporters in the south east, did business in the City, and visited Edinburgh Castle. But he left suddenly when he heard the Saudi government wanted him arrested.

Lawrence Wright, in his book The Looming Towers, says that in March 1994, the Saudi authorities revoked Bin Laden’s passport. The inescapable conclusion is that if Osama ever did visit Highbury, he hasn’t done so since 1994 and has never had the thrill of watching that style of play Gooners call “Wengerball” in the flesh.

Robinson’s story chimes with his contested portrayal of Bin Laden as a rich young playboy prince. But there is little supporting evidence for the idea that Bin Laden was especially fond of London. One of Bin Laden’s brothers has confirmed (to Abel Bari Atwan, author of The Secret History Of AlQa’ida) that Osama attended a language school in Oxford Street in the summer of 1970, when he was 13. Sheikh Muhammad Zaki Badawai, the former director of the Regents Park Islamic Centre in London, told Atwan that Bin Laden visited the mosque in the early 1980s and delivered some sermons there. But in interviews, he seems to regard the UK as almost as much of a threat to a true Islamic order in the Middle East as the US.

The case for Bin Laden the Gooner remains unproven. Robinson’s account is largely untroubled by footnotes or sources and usually proceeds in a “And then he did this….” manner that suggests the narrator is omniscient. The best we can reliably conclude is that he was in Sudan before and after Arsenal’s Cup Winners’ Cup run. We have no definitive day-by-day account of his movements, no diary revealing his thoughts on George Graham’s mistreatment of Anders Limpar, and no tapes, released by the Pentagon, showing him discussing his team’s remarkable transformation under Wenger. So the idea that he did visit Highbury still hovers somewhere between urban myth and fact.

Arsenal fans reluctant to let go of their most notorious fan might find a crumb of comfort in a story by Michael Howard, the former Conservative home secretary, that in 1995 Bin Laden sounded out officials about his being granted asylum in Britain. “I knew very little about him,” Howard has recalled, “but we picked up information that he was very interested in coming to Britain. Apparently it was a serious request. He already had people operating here. Who knows how history could have been rewritten if he had ended up here?”

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“The point man should make his way to Seaman and blow himself up next to him. The second brother should throw a grenade at the reserve players. The third brother should carry a gun and shoot Shearer.”
Letter outlining an alleged plot by Al-Qaeda allies to kill England stars at France 98.
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By December 1997, Bin Laden’s ‘affection’ for Britain, London and English football had waned so much that, Robinson says, he “funded and helped organise” a plot by Algerian terrorist group GIA to kill the England team at France 98.

Once again, it’s best to suspend disbelief and let Robinson tell his story. Letters signed by members of AIG detailed a hit planned during England’s opening match against Tunisia on June 15 1998 in Marseille. On Bin Laden’s orders, Algerians working for GIA obtained jobs at the Stade Velodrome that gave them touchline access.

The letters suggest that a suicide bomber should blow himself up next to David Seaman, a colleague should chuck a grenade at the England bench (lobbing a spare at the England fans) while the third man was shooting Alan Shearer who – one letter helpfully noted – “will be at the opposite end of the field to Seaman”. Meanwhile in Paris, other terrorists would attack the USA team at their hotel.

England prepare to face Algeria – and terrorists

Luckily, the plot was leaked by a GIA informer. More than 100 people were arrested across Europe three weeks before the tournament started. Rene Georges, the police chief in charge of security for France 98, has said: “Certain individuals were arrested in France and other countries before the World Cup as a preventative measure.” But French police deny that the England team was specifically targeted.

The plot, as outlined, seems more like a sub-007 fantasy than the work of the same alliance of terrorists that so efficiently choreographed and orchestrated the 9/11 attacks to such appalling effect. In the world of secrecy, conspiracy and subterfuge in which Al-Qaeda operates, signing the letters seems rash.

As a general rule, the more likely you are to agree with the worldview of Genghis Khan, the more likely you are to find this plot to kill England stars credible. The idea that Al-Qaeda plotted to disrupt a World Cup does not seem, in hindsight, at all astonishing but the case for this particular plot, by Al-Qaeda, against this particular target, isn’t established beyond a reasonable doubt.

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“The TV broadcasted the big event [9/11]. The scene was showing an Egyptian family sitting in their living room, they exploded with joy. Do you know when there is a soccer game and your team wins, it was the same expression of joy. I went back to tell the Sheikh [Bin Laden]… but he made a gesture with his hands, meaning ‘I know, I know’.”
Bin Laden’s spokesman Sulamain Abu Gaith, on tape of Bin-Laden released by the Pentagon in December 2001.
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After 9/11, Bin Laden – and Al-Qaeda – continue to pop up in strange football contexts. Diego Maradona, only a month after the Twin Towers attack, was spotted wearing a Bin Laden mask at his 40th birthday bash and challenged reporters: “How can we talk about violence in football when the Americans are bombing Afghanistan?” In February 2004, Mexican fans at the Guadalajara stadium chanted “Osama!” as their team knocked the USA out of qualifying for the Olympic football tournament.

Plots against football involving Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda have proved a reliable filler on a slow news day. In December 2002, the then Israel coach Avram Grant said a Tunisian man had been detained by Italian police on suspicion of plotting to attack the Israeli team during an away match in Malta. But Reuters reported that Italian police knew nothing about the alleged plot.

Last summer, Wayne Rooney, Thierry Henry and David Beckham – along with Justin Timberlake – were all slammed as “evildoers” on a video, posted online, allegedly linked to Al-Qaeda while there have been other stories of an imminent attack on a Premiership club – the City of Manchester stadium has been mentioned, though last time such rumours surfaced Old Trafford was fingered.

More credible evidence of planned violence against football emerged in 2006 at the Old Bailey when five men who lived in Crawley were jailed for life for involvement in a bomb plot linked to Al-Qaeda. The plot was led by one Omar Khyam who, The Sun informed readers, “loved Man United and dreamed of playing for Pakistan… [but] chose terror”.

As the men discussed likely targets, one of them, Waheed Mahmood, suggested getting a job selling beer outside a football stadium. He was quoted as saying: “You just poison in a syringe, injecting it in a can…. [or] you could stand on street corners selling poisoned burgers and just leave the area.” Mahmood obviously knew enough about the quality of catering outside many grounds to suspect that fans wouldn’t be able to tell if their burgers and beer had been poisoned.

Bin Laden may have been a decent striker in his day – maybe, at 40, he still is – and he may watch, even revel in Saudia Arabia’s World Cup travails – but his love for the beautiful game isn't, apparently, so deep that he has ordered his acolytes and allies to leave football alone.

Weekender: Webb, Wolves, Wycombe and the plot to kill Shearer

2011-05-06T11:32:00Z

1. Sylvan Ebanks-Blake is better than Ronaldo
…and Torres, and Tevez, and Berbatov. And he knocks Defoe into a cocked hat. For the latest issue of FourFourTwo – out now – we asked dataphiles Opta to compare dozens of strikers' shots-to-goal ratios – and the Wolves hit-man came near the top with a 19.7% success rate. He's not quite Messi, Milito or Michael Owen, who all top 20%, but he's better than Madrid merchandise model Ronaldo (11.9%) or tiny Tottenham trier Defoe (11.5%). They'll say that if you don't shoot you don't score; team-mates may disagree…
IN THE NEW ISSUE Hot teens! Top stars! Sepp Blatter!

2. Worldwide Webb of intrigue can't all be right
Howard Webb’s appointment to referee Manchester United v Chelsea this weekend has sent the blogosphere spinning with theories. Ryan Babel and others have noted the apparent beneficial effects of his appointments for United – they've won the last nine Old Trafford games he's officiated, and have been awarded five penalties which have put them either level or in the lead. But Webb has never awarded a penalty against Chelsea in the Premier League, and United blog Republik of Mancunia notes that the Rotherham ref has often given controversial decisions against Fergie's men, from red-carding Ronaldo to disallowing goals subsequently proved legal. All eyes on the man in the middle, then...

 3. Shrews will seethe if Wycombe nick it
When Chelsea "scored" against Spurs last weekend without the ball crossing the line, Shrewsbury fans will have let off a knowing tut. It'll be more like a howl of indignation if Wycombe pip them to promotion on this final weekend of the Football League season. Just a point separates the teams as they seek the third and final automatic promotion spot from League Two; fourth-placed Shrews, one point behind, host Oxford knowing they must better Wycombe’s result against Southend. But the Shropshire side would be above their Buckinghamshire rivals had it not been for a controversial equaliser in the sides’ 1-1 draw at the Greenhous Meadow in March. Gareth Ainsworth’s 50th-minute header was adjudged to have crossed the Shrewsbury goal-line, despite replays strongly suggesting otherwise, enraging the Shrews’ players and management. It’s that single point that could now ultimately split the sides in the final standings, leaving the traditionally tame Shrews seething as they prepare for the play-offs.

4. The Moldovan Keith, Ian and Andy
Some fans get the club badge inked on an arm to express allegiance to their favourite team, but not in Moldova’s breakaway republic of Transdniestr. It’s around this time of year that Sheriff Tiraspol usually break out the Brasso for yet another league title, but they look set to miss out on an eleventh consecutive championship – and manager Andrei Sosnitski walked the plank on Saturday. But at least their supporters are staying loyal. Three dedicated chaps decided to show some love for Moldova’s finest by travelling to the away leg of Sheriff’s cup semi-final against Iskra-Stal on foot, and made a trek across 78 miles of rogue republic in time for Wednesday’s game in Rîbniţa. Buoyed by their dedication, Sheriff's players were promptly spanked 3-0 and crashed out of the cup 3-1 on aggregate.

5. We're off on a trophy hunt
Attention, glory-starved fans everywhere! Your shambolic bunch of ne'er-do-wells might not lift a trophy this season, but that doesn't mean you can't slip away for some guilt-free silverware-ogling this month. As seasons climax all over Europe, you have your pick of unforgettable destinations, and we can offer ticket-plus-hotel deals. How about watching Milan lift their first Scudetto since 2005, Barcelona dance round Deportivo to confirm La Liga, or the last-day Dutch duel between title rivals Ajax and Twente?
BLOG: How to watch a successful team

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Only the ‘Wedding of the Decade’ and the death of the most despised man on the globe (two separate events: Nick Clegg didn’t croak outside Westminster Abbey) could keep Blackpool’s 0-0 draw against Stoke off the Bank Holiday weekend’s front pages. That single point kept the Seasiders’ heads just about above water after all three of the teams in the deep end – Wigan, Wolves and West Ham – sploshed and splashed but failed to win.

Also failing to win – albeit at the happy, smiling, Champions Leaguey end of the table – were Manchester United, who succumbed to a 1-0 away defeat to an Arsenal side finally relieved of the pressure of their matches actually meaning something. This slip let Chelsea close United’s lead at the summit to just three points, thanks to a 1-1 draw with Tottenham that Andre Marriner and assistant Mike Cairns inadvertently chalked down as a 2-1 win for the Blues in their post-match report...

We are, of course, referring to the controversy surrounding the champions’ equaliser, which Spurs keeper Heurelho Gomes just about stopped from crossing the goal line. Harry Redknapp was surprisingly mellow after the match, and theorised that Cairns had simply ‘guessed’ that the entire ball had crossed the line and awarded a goal – his only option given the lack of video technology. We'll let him thank Sepp Blatter for that one himself…

Surprisingly less controversial was the second leg of the Champions League El Clasico semi-final. Barcelona and Real Madrid cancelled each other out in a tame affair, the 1-1 Camp Nou draw sending Barça to their third final in six years against Manchester United, playing their third final in four years. Fortunately, the Europa League Final will feature a new face – bright-eyed, bushy-tailed Braga of Portugal, who will round off an amazing European campaign that has already seen them play 18 matches with a trip to Dublin to free-scoring face domestic rivals Porto – for whom Radamel Falcao will look to add to the ludicrous 16 European goals he has scored this season.

Speaking of new(ish) faces, Norwich sealed promotion back to the Premier League. They may or may not be joined by champions QPR, depending on the FA ever deciding whether or not to dock the Hoops points over their allegedly illegal ownership of midfielder Alejandro Faurlin.

In other ups and downs, Sheffield United and Scunthorpe joined Preston in dropping out of the second division, with Southampton joining champions Brighton in replacing them. Plymouth followed Swindon into the basement – there's two more places on that chute up for grabs this weekend, and a fair few other issues to be decided. 

Race-quota scandal rocks France and threatens Blanc
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Italy celebrates its perfect 10s as Totti overtakes Baggio
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Holland's top two clash twice in a fortnight to decide league and cup
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Sad Hatters aplenty as Stockport leave league after a century
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"Privileged" footy fans say adios to the Clasico marathon
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Beer in Slovenia, birdseed in Hungary: 31 games in 31 days across Europe
Read now >>

Osama, Al-Qaeda and the plot to shoot Shearer
By December 1997, Osama Bin Laden’s ‘affection’ for Britain, London and English football had waned so much that, according to Adam Robinson's Bin Laden: Behind the Mask of the Terrorist, he “funded and helped organise” a plot by Algerian terrorist group GIA to kill the England team at France 98.

It’s best to suspend disbelief and let Robinson tell his story. Letters signed by members of AIG detailed a hit planned during England’s opening match against Tunisia on June 15 1998 in Marseille. On Bin Laden’s orders, Algerians working for GIA obtained jobs at the Stade Velodrome that gave them touchline access.

Luckily, the plot was leaked by a GIA informer. More than 100 people were arrested across Europe three weeks before the tournament started. Rene Georges, the police chief in charge of security for France 98, has said: “Certain individuals were arrested in France and other countries before the World Cup as a preventative measure.”
– Paul Simpson, from a feature-length look at Bin Laden, terrorism and football. Read it in full here

"I've not put enough tackles in this season, and I could read the game a bit better"
– Boy's a Bit Special, Jun 2001: Sian Massey-floorer Kevin McNaughton

"Blackpool? It's like going to the end of the earth"
– And Another Thing, Oct 2007: East Anglia

"At Southampton, everything is Premier League standard"
– Web Exclusive, Aug 2010: Rickie Lambert

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gregg Davies, Vithushan Ehantharajah, Mark Gilbey, Gary Parkinson, Paul Simpson and JonathanFromSpotify

The future of football: we name the top 20 under 20

2011-05-04T08:30:00Z

Ever noticed that as time goes by, footballers start looking younger? It’s not just you. But don’t fight it – feel it, with FourFourTwo’s celebration of the 20 best under-20 players in the world, in the new June issue out now.

He’s invaded the Arsenal starting XI, revolutionised England and conquered Twitter – now Jack Wilshere gives his first major exclusive to FourFourTwo. And be the subject Bolton, Barcelona or that Birmingham bruising, he doesn’t hold back.

Speaking of the outspoken, Mario Balotelli has been up to a fair bit of mischief in his short time as a professional footballer. Read our fascinating feature offering insight into his troubling past and troubled mind.

And because that’s not nearly enough, we have Europe’s first major interview with Brazilian superstar Neymar – plus the other under-20s setting the world alight, from Christian Eriksen to Connor Wickham.

This season marks the 25th anniversary of the Football League play-offs, and boy, have we seen some classics. From the neverending story of Charlton v Leeds in 1987 to a happy Holloway last year, it’s all here: 25 years of play-off madness.

Sepp Blatter is seeking re-election as FIFA presidency, and FourFourTwo has been with him every step of the way. Join us on the campaign trail as we find the true identity of the most powerful man in the game.

Since October we’ve printed monthly missives from The Player – our undercover professional footballer. This month it’s explosive, as he reveals the secret truth of what players really think of fans. It’s not all good...

Remember Liverpool’s dramatic UEFA Cup final victory over Alaves in 2001? Sure you do. Know anything Alaves’ amazing run to the final? Here’s your chance. Read the astonishing story of the minnows who used to go straight from the disco to training, and almost won the UEFA Cup.

The ugly revolution in Egypt couldn’t have taken place without the beautiful game. We discover how ultras from rival teams united to topple Mubarak.

And from one of the season’s surprise packages comes one of the best football interviews you’ll read this year: DJ Campbell tells FourFourTwo about his difficult route to the top flight.

The jam-packed June issue of FourFourTwo was put together with the help of Niall Quinn, Kasper Schmeichel, Aaron Lennon, Jordi Cruyff, DJ Campbell, Peter Shilton, Ady Williams, Clive Mendonca, Jonny Evans, Simon Yeo, Esteban Cambiasso, Cosmin Contra, Erik Lamela, Michel Salgado, Jack Wilshere, John Terry, Peter Shirtliff, Gary Owers, Eamon Zayed, Kevin Phillips, Darron Gibson, Jason Wilcox, Martin Keown, Christian Eriksen, Sander Westerveld, Phil Brown, Neymar, Jose Manuel ‘Mane’ Esnal, James Milner, Will Greenwood, Luis Fabiano, David Baddiel, Clive Tyldesley, Mario Balotelli’s close family and insiders at FIFA.

ISSUE Peruse or purchase the new FFT digitally
VIDEO Behind the scenes at Wilshere's cover shoot

Sad Hatters aplenty as Stockport take the plunge

2011-05-03T11:07:00Z

Guest writer Ben Collins mourns some bad decisions as Stockport County's 100-year run in the Football League comes to an end.

It is never nice to see a grown man cry. And they were crying on and off the pitch at Edgeley Park last week.

Stockport County’s draw at home to Northampton, followed by defeat at Crewe, meant they were relegated from the Football League for the first time in over 100 years.

Many established league clubs have suffered the same fate in recent years, but it is the manner in which the Cheshire club has slipped into non-league that has made it such a bitter pill for County fans to swallow.

Not only has little gone their way on the pitch, they have been wronged off it, making it almost impossible for them to exist as a league club.

Granted, you’re not going to slide from League One to non-league in just two years – during which time 2009/10 divisional opponents Norwich City have made it to the Premier League – without putting in a few poor performances. But that can only be expected when you are unable to bring in leaders‚ and have to rely on a mixture of untried youngsters and short-term loan signings.

County’s decline also has much to do with mismanagement at board level ever since they were promoted to League One via the 2008 play-offs. But the Hatters have been behind the eight ball from the moment the decision was made to sell Edgeley Park to Sale Sharks in 2002. The rugby union side’s benefactor, Brian Kennedy, bought County from former chairman Brendan Elwood in a co-ownership groundshare deal.

Stockport were grouped with Sale under the Cheshire Sports banner. After making a loss, Kennedy gave ownership of County to a supporters’ trust in 2005 but retained ownership of Edgeley Park, County’s home since 1902. That has left County hamstrung since.

All profits from the ground go to Sale, while a deal was in place so that Sale received a significant percentage of transfer sales. When manager Jim Gannon had to take apart and sell the promising young side he built and led to promotion in 2008, it seemed County might be breaking even. In fact, the money they actually saw from the transfers was a drop in the ocean.

Stockport went into administration in April 2009 and remarkably, Gannon was made redundant. Gary Ablett took over but there was only so much he could do and County were doomed to relegation from League One last season.

Ex-Manchester City player Jim Melrose had several failed takeover bids during the season. The club even entertained potential Thai investors. With the club still in administration last summer, it was a distinct possibility they could go out of existence before they were spared by the 2015 Group. Acting chairman Mary Gibbons and director husband Tony have worked tirelessly to keep the club afloat this season.

Mistakes have been made. Some point to the dismissal of Paul Simpson in January. The club had not yet sunk into the bottom two. But performances and results have improved under current boss Ray Mathias. The truth is, the damage was already done. County’s late-season rally has been too little too late.

And you have to feel the County fans deserve better. The club spent years staving off one re-election after another in the old Fourth Division, before Danny Bergara and then Dave Jones steered County into the second tier during the '90s.

But even through those difficult times, a core of around 4,000 has remained loyal to the club. County have attracted bigger midweek crowds this season than teams on the other side of Greater Manchester, who have been in contention at the top of League One.

Even as Northampton were still celebrating the 78th-minute penalty that gave them a 2-1 lead killed off County’s chances, the club anthem, The Scarf My Father Wore, could be heard coming out of the imposing Cheadle End.

The players responded with a battling performance. But when the final whistle came, County were down.

Yet there was a heartwarming ovation from the home fans. You’d have been forgiven for thinking County had been promoted, not relegated.

“The fans were right behind us and their ovation at the end was overwhelming for some players,” said Mathias, no doubt thinking of midfielder Greg Tansey. “Greg's been here a few years and was in tears, as were a few others.”

Tansey is set to leave now, though, with only three players contracted for next season. And as many established clubs have found before them, it will be tough to get back into the league. County could be in the non-league wilderness for some time to come.

The Hatters may not even have a new local derby against Conference stalwarts Altrincham to look forward to, as they are battling to stay up themselves.

However, there are rumours the local council are helping County find a site for a new ground, which many feel is imperative to safeguarding their future, while several interested parties are considering buying into the club.

Most County fans are just pleased they still have a club to support, which at one stage looked unlikely. But there could be many more tears shed before Stockport fans are smiling again.

Check out the July issue – on sale from June 1 – of FourFourTwo magazine for a feature on Stockport County.

The drug-addled, editor-threatened Premier Previews

2011-04-28T16:14:00Z

Who cares about the royal wedding? We’ve got plenty of fascinating match-ups in the Premier League, and they each hold more interest than a bunch of inbreds distracting us while the economy crumbles and malnourished mothers collapse in the street with saliva drying on their gaping maws.

And not only is it an amazing weekend of football, it’s everywhere! Four games on the telly, seven on t’radio and all taking place over a four-day weekend. A weekend that doesn't start for anyone at FourFourTwo.com until this blog's finished, so let's crack on, eh?

SATURDAY
Blackburn v Bolton (3pm, 5 Live Radio Sports Extra)
The Lancashire hotpot derby, as it is called by absolutely nobody except lazy hacks, has been flipped on its head this year by each team’s exploits. This season, it’s Bolton who are already assured of mid-table security and not-so-noisy neighbours Blackburn who are yet to peel themselves away from relegation.

Although it seems to be generally agreed that it will be three of Blackpool, Wigan, Wolves and West Ham who go down, Blackburn are but a point clear of the relegation zone. They could theoretically be bottom of the table after this weekend. They won’t, but they could be.

Bolton, meanwhile, are more unpredictable than a hurricane on heroin. How do you follow up an unfortunate 5-0 trouncing by Stoke? By putting in a very good performance against Arsenal. How do you follow that up? By losing 3-0 to Fulham. God knows what they’ve got planned here.

What won’t happen: A repeat of that drug-addled episode of childhood staple The Hurricanes
What will happen: Theoretically, it’s Bolton’s turn to have a fantastic game; in reality... they do, and win comfortably

Blackpool v Stoke (3pm, 5 Live Radio)
Stoke are basically safe now, reaching the magic milestone of 42 points, which means this blogger’s prediction and bet on the Potters being relegated has reached its last vestiges of possibility. Apologies to offended Stoke fans; Paddy Power, we’ll meet again...

Tony Pulis’ not-particularly-barmy army deserve credit, as they always do, for making themselves safe and in a strong position to finish in the top half (plus that little matter of an FA Cup final and the potential for European qualification).

They’ve made some great signings, opened up and played some attacking football, too, using the wings well and introducing a touch of style. Pulis always said that to change the team would take time, and he’s proving that he had a plan all along: the defensive grit and set-piece prowess were the first stage, until they could metamorphose into a chrysalis of creativity.

Ian Holloway could learn a lesson here.

What won’t happen: It turns out that Pulis has fooled us, and next year Stoke are going to go back to their evil, football-killing ways. Boo hiss
What will happen: The away side have little to play for but aren’t the kind to get distracted, frustrating Blackpool to a draw when they need a win

Sunderland v Fulham (3pm)
Now that Sunderland have arrested their slide, it should be business as usual for Steve Bruce – if, of course, that business is picking up the shattered remains of his porcelain strikers.

With Darren Bent sold, David Healy exiled to Siberia (well, Scotland) and Asamoah Gyan, Danny Welbeck and Fraizer Campbell out injured for the season – and beyond in Campbell’s case – the Black Cats have literally no strikers to call upon for their remaining few matches.

A chance for a first league start in any division ever may be thrown to 19-year-old Ryan Noble, front of the one-man queue on account of having two working legs. Bruce looks likely, though, to experiment with Beninianian midfielder Stephane Sessegnon upfront as a lone striker, with Steed Malbranque playing behind him.

Sessegnon is five foot seven. If that’s not a sign that Healy needs to leave this club for good if he’s ever going to get a game, what is? Perhaps it’ll take the entire team pretending he isn’t there for the Northern Irish international to leave, or Bruce changing the code to the player’s locker. Fulham have tried a similar thing with Eddie Johnson, apparently, but he just won’t leave. Crazy Yank.

What won’t happen: This blog to ever be as short as the poor sod of an editor prays it will be
What will happen: More words! Ahahahaha. Draw

West Brom v Aston Villa (3pm)
Draw.

What won’t happen: Not a draw
What will happen: Draw

Wigan v Everton (3pm, Absolute Radio)
As usual, Absolute Radio get the booby prize – but if Wigan pull their fingers out of whatever orifices they’re exploring, they could take a sneaky three points and crawl closer to safety. Unlike last week, when they conceded four goals having taken a lead against Sunderland, a team that hadn’t won in nine matches and had no fit strikers.

Everton may be ruing the buggeration that is only the top five or six teams in the league qualifying for Europe this year. This isn’t a problem in itself – in fact, it’s to be encouraged, so the cups remain important and the likes of Birmingham get a go – but it is unfortunate for teams who rarely break into the magic Top Seven.

An Everton win would help them close the gap on Liverpool, even if David Moyes claims this isn’t a goal at the club. Sure, and Phil Neville’s a supermodel.

What won’t happen: Wigan to come back up next year, despite sound financial planning (£6m for Mauro Boselli aside)
What will happen: Everton win in their glorious pink shirts. This blogger still wants to know the gender split in their sales

Chelsea v Tottenham (5.30pm, Sky Sports 2, HD2 & 3D, TalkSPORT Radio)
It’s odd for Sky to have a late kick-off and ESPN to run with a Sunday game, but clearly there’s been some swaperoo somewhere. Sky definitely benefit more than lovable losers ESPN. Watch football all day, with Leeds v Burnley at lunchtime then the 3pm kick-offs before settling into a cracking London derby in the evening, or get up at 11am on a Sunday to watch Liverpool v Newcastle? Hmm.

This is Tottenham’s last chance, really. We said that many times last year, but it’ll take a minor miracle for them to claim fourth spot now – and Harry ‘two points in eight games’ Redknapp is all miracled out.

Not that he likes to remind us of what state Spurs were in before he arrived, of course. Expect that to come up in a few press conferences next year when he’s asked about the comedown from the Champions League to the Europa League. Or nothingness.

What won’t happen: Torres scores a hat-trick, does a lap of honour, injures himself and joins Manchester United on a free
What will happen: Home win, and a death in the office if this isn’t finished by 5pm

SUNDAY
Birmingham v Wolves (12pm, TalkSPORT Radio)
Alex McLeish promised his team would bounce back after a 5-0 thumping by Liverpool last week, and you’d hope so: Maxi Rodriguez shouldn’t be allowed to put three past a defence across several seasons, let alone in one game.

Mick McCarthy almost seems to have accepted that Wolves are going to be relegated this season, which is just one of many reasons why the board should have sacked him months ago. The others, if you’re wondering, are his hair and his face.

Clearly McCarthy has a hold over the men in suits by threatening to go into commentary full-time if they cut him loose. And nobody wants that.

Wait, is that the Veron?

What won’t happen: TalkSPORT’s listening figures to rocket with the rights to this game
What will happen: 0-0, but not in cards

Liverpool v Newcastle (12noon, ESPN & ESPN HD)
It’s hard to gauge what reception Andy Carroll will get from the away fans. Did he betray Newcastle by leaving, as Pardew claims? Was he forced out, as he claims? Was it a combination of the two, as nobody claims but which is probably true?

The majority of the fans probably won’t care, instead splitting into two camps: one recognising his achievements and thanking him for his goals for the Toon, the other aiming to slice off his ponytail with a broken bottle.

What won’t happen: Newcastle fans to ever get a sighter of Nile Ranger’s goal celebration
What will happen: Carroll scores in a feisty Liverpool victory

Arsenal v Manchester United (2.05pm, Sky Sports 1, HD1 & 3D, TalkSPORT Radio)
Sky were probably wetting themselves in anticipation when this once potentially title-deciding fixture turned out to be taking place in the last few weeks of the season. Now they’re probably seeing it as something between a waste of time and a tasty taster of United’s tactics against tippy-tappers ahead of their inevitable Champions League final against Barcelona.

Still, keep those 3D cameras on Arsene Wenger. He’s the reason 3D cinema was invented: to scare the toss out of viewers expecting him to jump through the screen and straggle them with his tie. Look out! He’s got a plastic bottle!

What won’t happen: A calm Wenger sits down, cross-legged for the entire match, never rising once but to adjust the crease in his trousers
What will happen: Wenger to win the battle, Fergie to win the war. On second thoughts, Fergie to win the battle as well

Manchester City v West Ham (4.10pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)
It’s becoming ever clearer that no one pays any attention to this blogger’s pleas to stop featuring Manchester City on the television quite as much, so we might as well get used to it.

As dull 2-0 wins go, this could be a cracker. Scotty Parker should play despite sustaining a back injury from carrying most of east London on his shoulders, but West Ham don’t need him anyway: they have Danny Gabbidon’s words of wisdom to see them through.

“We have to go there and feel as if we are top of the league,” said the Welshman, ignoring the laughs from those around him. Suffice it to say that if West Ham did do this, they’d be soundly thrashed as each and every player stumbled around blindly, confused by the scenario that took them to the top of the league despite playing like a tramp’s hairy danglers.

The man’s a genius.

What won’t happen: West Ham instead adopt the ‘Pretend we’re top of the Championship’ approach and win 3-2
What will happen: Dzeko and Balotelli both score without looking at each other once

The bat-eared, slide-avoiding Premier Preview

2011-04-21T14:52:00Z

Hello everyone. Apologies for the lack of blog last week – there was an incident involving bears, trees and Mansfield Town. But we’re back now, and to mix it up we’re using full team names in the title of each game. That’s right! We’re crazy! It does knacker brevity in the Spurs-WBA prediction a bit though.

SATURDAY
Manchester United FC v Everton FC (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2, HD2 & 3D, 5 Live Radio)
Everton are in a tidy bit of form, having not lost in the league since February. But if statistics matter – and we all have to pretend they do, or Opta will start fading from the picture like that scene in Back To The Future – they’re up against a team with some ridiculous home record this season.

It’s mysterious, is Manchester United’s home/away dichotomy. Winning just five away games out of 17 (no more than Newcastle or Blackpool) is distinctly crap, but 15 wins from 16 at home is an incredible effort bordering on the faintly ridiculous. Rumour has it the United tour bus is haunted by the ghost of Massimo Taibi.

Tim Cahill may return from an ankle injury, which would be a massive boost for the visitors, but Mikel Arteta will not, which will not be.

What won’t happen: Everton overtake Liverpool in the table
What will happen: Everton overtake a Mini on the M62 home. United win

Aston Villa FC v Stoke City FC (3pm)
Gary McAllister may take charge for Aston Villa in lieu of Gerard Houllier’s sad hospitalisation. McAllister is Villa’s assistant manager – it’s not just a random appointment for one game. But that wouldn’t be a bad rule for some teams. Mick McCarthy rushed to A&E for shouting until his lungs collapse? We’ll have The Special One for a game, please, say Wolves: Gary Megson.

McAllister does, at least, have a fully fit squad to choose from, while Tony Pulis is minus Higginbotham and giant lump trio Sidibe, Faye and Carew. That’s Abdoulaye Faye, by the way: former team-and-name-mate Amdy Faye is a free agent after Leeds let him go this year. One for Wenger to think about.

What won’t happen: Stoke allow themselves to be distracted by a looming FA Cup final – as their performance against Bolton showed, they don’t let pressure or expectation affect them or their play
What will happen: A few more Stoke fans creep out of the woodwork, and Nick Hancock finds himself back on TV again. Draw

Blackpool FC v Newcastle United FC (3pm, Absolute Radio)
It may sound scandalously like sarcasm – something this blog obviously deplores – but this could be a cracking match. Well done, you boys at Vodka FM: this is a very good pick. Potentially, anyway. We’ve obviously cursed it now.

Blackpool finally find themselves in the bottom three after a descent as distasteful as following a botty-problemed child down the slide. A metaphor for the kids there. And with Newcastle boosted by a good home draw against the league leaders, you’d be a fool to bet on a home win here. A fool! Especially as Tangerine talisman Charlie ‘Glass Ankles’ Adam could miss most of the rest of the season...

Speaking of which, Alan Pardew is playing down his chances but we’re expected to see Hatem Ben Arfa back before the summer, which would be nice to see. Until he has his other leg broken, of course. Newcastle face Birmingham in a few weeks: our money’s on Lee Bowyer to do the damage.

What won’t happen: Blackpool take the lead and hold on, much to everyone’s amazement
What will happen: Blackpool take the lead, only to throw it away. Newcastle win

Liverpool FC v Birmingham City FC (3pm)
Liverpool’s new strikers have weird ears. Suarez has bat lugs, while Andy Carroll’s make him look like the Count from Sesame Street. That is all.

Actually, there’s a bit more. Fun fact! If Birmingham win, they’ll have defeated Liverpool as many times (30) as they’ve drawn against them. The Reds beat the Blues almost 50% of the time, on 56 out of 115 occasions. So there you go.

What won’t happen: Birmingham win
What will happen: They grab an unexpected draw to bring them closer to wrapping up safety

Sunderland AFC v Wigan Athletic FC (3pm)
Seven points from 12 doesn’t sound impressive, but it’s been enough to take Wigan off the bottom spot and out of the relegation zone for the first time since 2007. They won’t mind facing Sunderland at the moment either, Fraizer Campbell-less for up to a year – A YEAR – and currently on a worse run than... than...

OK, you can choose your own end to that sentence. It’s interactive journalism! Like citizen journalism, but not exploitative. So, take your pick. Sunderland are on a worse run than...

a) Devon Loch in the 1956 Grand National
b) Derek Redmond in the 1992 Olympics
c) An amputee chasing an eight-legged unicorn that’s stolen his crutches

What won’t happen: Sunderland lose and make their recent haul one point from ten games
What will happen: Probably, even more bad luck for Sunderland, who’ll be without Campbell and Craig Gordon for some of next season as well as this one. For now, though, a home win gets the Black Cats back on track

Tottenham Hotspur FC v West Bromwich Albion FC (3pm, 5 Live Sports Extra)
It’s probably for the best to just ignore Harry Redknapp’s ramblings about Stoke throwing their league game against Manchester City in order to gain a European spot.

There are too many permutations for it to be considered now, and as usual he's simply distracting his own men from the job in hand – and not in a good way, a la Mourinho relieving pressure, but in a bad way, a la Uncle Albert in Only Fools And Horses.

Still, his Spurs did well to recover from 3-1 down against Arsenal, even if they will be slightly miffed they didn’t turn it around completely. Szczesny’s superb leg-block of Modric's shot could have huge repercussions.

West Brom have finally lost under Woy after eight games but could be fairly confident here: for a start, they know the pressure is on Spurs. With their tough run-in on the road, games such as this and home fixtures against Blackpool and Birmingham are absolute must-wins.

Furthermore, Bale and Corluka may miss out after sustaining injuries against Arsenal, though, oddly enough, not as a result of some blatant hacking, which was directly largely at Modric.

What won’t happen: Much attacking intent from the Baggies in this game. Nevertheless...
What will happen: West Brom are boosted by Dorrans’ return from injury and manage to claim a draw

Wolverhampton Wanderers FC v Fulham FC (3pm)
Fulham generally don’t really believe in winning away from home, as it’s awfully vulgar. But that even more vulgar (vulgarer?) Michael Jackson statue awaiting them for every home game might persuade the Cottagers to get away and enjoy their time on the road a little more.

Wolves, as per, are missing Irish pair Hunt ‘n’ Doyle (weren’t they 19th-century detectives?), and also Mouyokolo and Zubar, which was slightly less successful as a TV show.

What won’t happen: Fulham take the MJ statue with them as a good luck charm, strapping it to the roof of the team coach and scaring young people on aeroplanes
What will happen: Draw

Chelsea FC v West Ham United FC (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)
This blog doesn’t like to pretend it knows better than Champions League-winning managers, but surely the Torres solution, which Carlo Ancelotti has now reached after slowly crawling towards it like Scooby-Doo’s Velma searching for her specs, was obvious all along. Keep the 4-3-3 that’s worked. Play Drogba. Have Torres on the bench. Playing 4-4-2 with them both doesn’t work, and if you take the pressure off the Spaniard he’ll score over time.

Then sell Drogba in the summer while he’s still worth something: the Ivorian is 33 now and his value is declining, plus his contract is up next summer. Torres, 27, will be of greater value in the long run and will play much better next season.

West Ham don’t have the enviable ‘disaster’ of having two world-class strikers to choose from, but they do have the very impressive Demba Ba, who may help them to avoid a fourth straight defeat. That recovery didn’t last long, then.

What won’t happen: Roman Abramovich approaches Avram Grant in the away dressing room, bringing a bunch of flowers and a placard reading, “Come back, Avram, all is forgiven”
What will happen: Chelsea make it 35 league victories to West Ham’s 34 in this fixture with a comfortable win to nil

SUNDAY
Bolton Wanderers FC v Arsenal FC (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)
Following the 189th Old Firm derby of the season is a much more interesting game, as Jack Wilshere reminds Bolton why he was so useful for them last season.

We could talk about how Arsenal keep bottling chances but you all know that already. Bet you don’t know that Arsenal have won their last four games at the Reebok, though, did you?Oh, you did? You don’t need this blog at all, really, do you?

What won’t happen: Home win
What will happen: Arsenal stick one to their critics with a dominating win over a Bolton side still crushed from last Sunday

MONDAY
Blackburn Rovers FC v Manchester City FC (8pm, Sky Sports 1, HD1 & 3D, 5 Live Radio)
Oh, hello, it’s Blackburn vs Man City in glorious technicolor 3D! What a thriller this’ll be! Break out the disorientatingly low camera angles! Someone should invent black-and-white 3D TV. That would really mess with viewers’ heads.

In team news, Nzonzi’s banned and Balotelli's dead. (One of these may statements not be true.)

What won’t happen: Blackburn record their first win since January, at the 11th attempt
What will happen: Manchester City record their first away win of 2011, at the 11th attempt

Weekender: Road king Roy, Torres solved and Neil Morrissey's fun-juice

2011-04-21T13:54:00Z

1. Roy Hodgson is king of the road
If West Brom can win at Tottenham on Saturday, Roy Hodgson will have already won more away games with The Baggies than he did during the entirety of his ill-fated stint at Anfield and his generally successful final season with Fulham combined – a total of 29 trips. Hodgson's solitary away success with Liverpool was a 1-0 win over Bolton, while Fulham’s only away victory in 2009/10 was an opening day 1-0 victory at Portsmouth; Uncle Roy has already equalled that record in just three away matches at his new club, winning 3-1 at Birmingham and 3-2 at Sunderland.

2. If you score goals you won't win Dutch titles
While you might expect the Dutch league’s top scorer to come from the likes of Ajax, PSV or FC Twente, this season the leading marksmen have come from teams either wallowing in mid-table or at best looking to scrape a Europa League spot. With three games to go, Roda JC’s Mads Junker (leading with 19 goals) and NEC's Bjorn Vleminckx (18) go head-to-head this weekend; also on 18 is Dimitriy Bulikin of fifth-placed Ado Den Haag, while PSV midfielder Balazs Dzudzak is the first top-three representative with 16.
FEATURE Half-time Oranje: Eredivisie European battle hots up

 3. Everybody puts Avi in the corner
West Ham should be defending from corners in training this week. Chelsea have won the most corners so far in this season's Premier League with 232, while Avram's 'Appy 'Ammers 'ave 'app-'azardly 'anded ...errrrrm ...their opposition a table-topping 245. Expect flag-kick fun aplenty at Stamford Bridge on Saturday.

4. Enjoy the smooth taste of Croydon
Crystal Palace fan and former celebrity Neil Morrissey have 'joined forces' to launch their very own real ale at the first ever Crystal Palace Beer Festival on May 14. The Selhurst Park festival will give Eagles supporters the chance to quaff the brew concocted by the Homebase-hawking homebreaker. Expect a rush to market similar branded brews. Blackpool's would be a refreshing amber blend that fizzes heartily before going worryingly flat, while Arsenal's exotic continental blend would only be available in cans as they don't have the bottle(s). ROFL!

5. FourFourTwo could be coming to a screen near you
iPad pawers! PC pokers! Er, computer users of just about any kind! You can now read the world’s best football magazine on the screen of your choice by subscribing to the digital edition of FourFourTwo. It’s just like the mag, but zoomable, searchable and iPad compatible. It’s also environmentally friendly and, not uncoincidentally, less expensive: you can save 40% on a print subscription. To see what it’s like, follow the link below and click the mag. See you in cyberspace... 
TRY IT: Have a poke around at our pleasure

Suarez goodies a-go-go
Win a signed Suarez Liverpool shirt! Win a signed orange Adidas F50 boot! Win a signed picture of Suarez celebrating setting up a goal against Manchester United in their 3-1 win in March! Win all of these things!
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So we’ve reached that part of the season when everyone’s seemingly ‘cup-crazy’. Just flick on Sky Sports News and it’s wall-to-wall coverage of domestic semis, continental finals and classic ‘every game’s a cup final’ clichés as far as the eye can see.

The first trophy-winner wasn't even a team – Gareth Bale was named PFA Players' Player of the Year, Jack Wilshere the Young Player – but elsewhere, trophy droughts neared their end. In the FA Cup semis at Wembley, Yaya Touré (or was it Michael Carrick?) helped Man City overcome their unusually quiet neighbours to reach their first major final since 1976, before Stoke humiliated Bolton 5-0 to reach only their second ever major final.

In Big League Arsenal slipped up against Liverpool, irking the traffic-avoiding early leavers by scoring a penalty in the 98th minute and conceding one in the 102nd. Meanwhile, in Spain's super-sexy sunshine world of excitement, Real Madrid and Barcelona ground out a drab 1-1 in the first of four Clasicos in a fortnight.

Those two met again in another Cup clash in midweek, this time the Copa del Rey. Cristiano Ronaldo’s extra-time header won it for Madrid, breaking their 18-year duck, but during the open-top bus celebration that night (they don't hang about in Spain) Sergio Ramos quite literally dropped a clanger, letting the cup slip from the top deck and under the wheels of the bus.

Back in North London, Arsenal dropped another two points thanks to another penalty, Van Der Vaart's spot-kick leveller sending White Hart Lane wild after the Gunners had been 3-1 up within 40 minutes. Across London, Chelsea beat Birmingham 3-1 to jump above Arsenal in the table. No, that fella didn't score.

In uglier news, hatred and idiocy reared up again in Glasgow as it emerged that Celtic manager Neil Lennon had been sent parcel bombs last month. There's nothing clever or funny about that. 

Why Man City should concentrate on the Cup
Read now >>

Valery Karpin half-resigns as Spartak slump to the bottom of the pile
Read now >>

"New Mourinho" Villas-Boas impresses but Porto are the real "Special Ones"
Read now >>

Americans come to Roma's rescue
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Politics, WAGs and cup semi-finals
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End of the road for Nice keeper Letizi as Lille look to make history
Read now >>

Torres will be back… in four months
While it isn’t at all surprising to see the nation’s football media obsess over Fernando Torres’ barren run in front of goal since joining Chelsea in January, it is perhaps more so to see so many already so willing to write him off entirely as ‘finished’. The Spaniard has now gone 724 minutes without scoring for his new club, but the problem isn’t entirely of his own making – and will certainly not be permanent.

At Anfield, Torres regularly thrived by hanging on the shoulder of the last defender and bursting on to neatly-threaded through-balls, particularly from Xabi Alonso before his sale to Real Madrid in 2009. Beside a string of injuries slightly diminishing his pace, Chelsea’s tactics and squad generally prevent him from finding these kind of opportunities. For all its power and efficiency, Chelsea’s midfield lacks a player capable of regularly picking those eye-of-the needle passes Torres would pounce on at Anfield – although he may be relieved by the return of his former Liverpool teammate Yossi Bennayoun after a prolonged injury.

Despite their successes, Chelsea’s ageing attack – Didier Drogba is 33, Nicolas Anelka 32, and Frank Lampard will be 33 in June – means the club would be well advised to change to suit Torres’ needs rather than cling to what has worked before.

While they spend summer doing that, Torres should spend it taking a well-earned break. After two seasons peppered with nagging injuries, he spent last summer trudging through a full World Cup campaign – unquestionably a factor in his uncharacteristic sluggishness since. It was understandable that a struggling Liverpool kept selecting the struggling Spaniard, but perhaps he is now feeling the cumulative effect of never fully recovering before being thrown back into action.

He wouldn’t be the first to suffer in such a way, nor will he be the last. This time last term, Manchester United were perhaps guilty of rushing the previously excellent Wayne Rooney back from injury, while Spurs' dependence on Gareth Bale might have lead to a string of niggling injuries over the second half of the current campaign.

Despite the disappointingly gleeful claims of his detractors, Torres will be back – just maybe not until August.

– James Maw, FourFourTwo.com features editor

"I don't wanna pick up a seagull. F*** that"
– One-on-One, Sep 2003: Harry Redknapp

"Wash 'n' Go? I've got bags full of it, mate"
– Ask A Silly Question, May 2010: Jimmy Bullard

"It's not quite the same as a one-two with Le Tissier"
– What Happened Next?, Mar 2007: Hassan Kachloul

This Weekender was brought to you by James Maw, Gary Parkinson, Huw Davies, Steve Norman, George Bouras, Matt Wilson and Les Dennis

Scouting Report: Will Everton's new Hope be the next Rooney or Jeffers?

2011-04-14T11:27:00Z

With graduates such as Wayne Rooney, Francis Jeffers, James Vaughan and Victor Anichebe, Everton's academy is well respected for producing promising young strikers.

It's something that has not gone unnoticed by some of England's leading lights in recent years, with Manchester United and Arsenal splashing out big money on the emerging talent of Rooney and Jeffers. The two may have ended up at different ends of the footballing scale, but they were both trained to the high standards that academy manager Ray Hall expects.

The latest striker out of Hall's famed classroom, Hallam Hope, has been schooled in a similar way. Yet based on early evidence, the Manchester-born front-man looks set to be more Rooney than Jeffers.

Hope joined Everton aged 11 after a short spell at Manchester City. He quickly rose through the ranks, earning a reputation as a powerful and hard working forward who found goals easy to come by. Naturally, comparisons followed, with many believing Hallam was a mixture between the tenacious Rooney, and the 'fox in the box' Jeffers. Both seemed unfair.

The youngster announced himself to many after scoring a hat-trick against Watford in the final of the 2008 Milk Cup. A year later, he was selected for the England Under 16 squad for the Sky Sports Victory Shield. A brace on his debut against Wales aided the Young Lions' cause en route to winning the tournament. Hope has since taken the international baton and ran with it, stepping up to the Under 17's where he currently has 10 goals from 10 matches (two of which came against Portugal last summer and can be seen in the video below).

A strong, energetic, instinctive finisher, the only real question mark is over Hope’s ability in the air. While not the smallest, he lacks some of the physical presence of recent graduates Vaughan and Anichebe. That said, Hallam did bag the winner in last weekend’s youth team match against Sheffield United with his head. It is something the player himself has also picked up on, showing he clearly isn't resting on his already impressive laurels.

Everton instil a confident but determined nature in their prospects, and Hope is no different. That level-headedness combined with an undoubted ability to score goals, put Hallam Hope in line to be the next front man off their already impressive production line.

From Sevilla to Scunthorpe: Mowbray the man to halt Boro's slide

2011-04-14T10:57:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's man in the North East Kristan Heneage on Middlesbrough's struggles adapting to life in the Championship...

In May 2006 Middlesbrough were playing Sevilla in the UEFA Cup Final. In the week the club will celebrate the fifth anniversary of the culmination of that fantastic Cup run they will play Doncaster Rovers - who five years ago finished eighth in League One, a stark reminder of just how far Middlesbrough have fallen.

The team from that night featured some big names - Mark Schwarzer, Stewart Downing, Mark Viduka and Yakubu – the latter of whom came back to terrorize his former club with a hat-trick in a tense 3-3 draw with Leicester at the Riverside recently.

When the club were relegated to the Championship many expected a swift return to the top flight, but following a slow start to their first season back in the second tier the surprising decision was made to replace Gareth Southgate with Gordon Strachan, and from there the problems only worsened.

The former Celtic manager looked to draw on his time in the SPL, which saw an influx of Scotsmen and former Bhoys players, to minimal success. Couple that with his distaste for the media and it wasn’t long before the local press turned on the diminutive Scot and a mutual termination seemed both fair and expected.

On the field, much like Strachan, his signings promised much but delivered little. His tactics seemed out-dated and signing no wingers when employing the less than mobile Kris Boyd as target man seemed a confusing decision. Boyd himself is currently on loan at Nottingham Forest with current manager Tony Mowbray confirming the ex-Rangers man has no future at the Riverside. His wages are seen as a burden on the club as they attempt to restructure financially.

The rebuilding job began with the dismissal of Strachan and appointment of former club captain Tony ‘Mogga’ Mowbray. With an emphasis on bringing through local youth bore from necessity over desire, players such as captain Matthew Bates and Rhys Williams have been seen as the club’s future. Owner Steve Gibson is attempting to fix the problems of the last few years.

The new mantra of youth promotion seems an obvious decision, the only surprise is that it’s taken so long. A look back at the recent academy graduates provides an impressive list. Players like Lee Cattermole, Stewart Downing, David Wheater, Ross Turnbull and most recently Adam Johnson have all flown the nest and are still plying their trade in the Premier League. Even Danny Graham, the Championship’s top goalscorer, began at Middlesbrough’s academy. It’s clear those in charge of the academy have an eye for talent and the skill and patience to develop it, which made the influx of expensive imports following the club’s relegation all the more baffling.

However, through injuries and some forced sales, the likes of Seb Hines, Joe Bennett and Andrew Taylor have been given the chance to prove their worth in the first team - and they’ve taken it well. Hines seems an adequate replacement for the departed David Wheater and Bennett recently celebrated another call up to represent England U21’s against Iceland.

With a long term goal in mind, Mowbray is not planning too far ahead. Despite currently sitting 18th in the Championship table, they are all but safe from relegation, despite scares earlier in the season. In many ways the summer will see much larger changes in the playing staff at Middlesbrough. The kind of £10 million kitty Strachan received won’t be available, but with a cull of high earners and a small outlay on transfers there is potential for a solid play-off push.

Off the pitch Mowbray is attempting to reinvigorate a stagnated former Premier League side. The dip in attendances is hard to ignore and Middlesbrough have gone from big draws for television money to rarely seen outside of the BBC’s highlights show. He articulates himself well and you can’t help but feel the club are in good hands with him at the helm.

In the wider context this season served as another huge warning sign for The Boro. The rule of ‘nobody is too good to go down’ applies not only to the top tier of English football, it’s just as true in the Championship. Sheffield Wednesday and Chartlon Athletic are prime proof that the further you fall the harder it is to get back up again - it truly is the proverbial ‘slippery slope’.

But the weekend’s gritty last gasp victory against Sheffield United showed signs of a change in fortunes - even if the side followed that win by blowing a 3-1 lead to draw at Ipswich on Tuesday evening. With a squad finally united, it seems Mowbray has offered a clean slate to many of the club’s former outcasts. This was typified by the fact Saturday’s match-winner - Marvin Emnes was deemed surplus to requirements under Strachan and even loaned out to Championship rivals Swansea.

Next season will not be easy for the club, with the Championship a notoriously difficult league to succeed in. However the future does look promising on Teeside, with Argentine Julio Arca already looking to next season for the club's first real promotion push. The former Sunderland midfielder recently said "I knew it would take some time but you can see slowly the team's getting better, solid passing, we're scoring a lot of goals."

Intuitive Clarke proving the perfect foil for Dalglish

2011-04-11T10:38:00Z

While Liverpool's recent resurgence has largely been credited to Kenny Dalglish, coach Steve Clarke has also played a huge part in the turnaround - Owain Jones learns more about Kenny's right-hand man..

When Liverpool named Steve Clarke as their first-team coach just hours after they had been knocked out of the FA Cup by Manchester United, there was barely a murmur of dissent from Reds fans, even though the experienced Scot had been so intrinsically linked with regular sparring partners Chelsea, both as a player and a coach.

Their muted reaction spoke volumes not only for the esteem fans had for Kenny Dalglish's judgement, but also for the respect within the game for Clarke, who had spent 13 years in coaching positions with Newcastle, Chelsea and West Ham since hanging up his well-worn boots as a player.

One man who had mixed feelings about the appointment was his old Chelsea and Scotland team-mate, Pat Nevin, now a respected TV pundit.

“As a Hibs season ticket-holder, I was a little disappointed because I'd been trying to talk him round into becoming a manager at Easter Road, but I’m chuffed for him that he’s ended up at Anfield.”

In Nevin’s estimation, Liverpool have got the perfect foil to work alongside Dalglish. “Personally, I don’t know if I ever had a better understanding with a right back. Clarkey was technically very, very good. He understood complex moves, read the game intuitively and for that reason was able to cover at centre back and centre midfield at international level.”

After finding himself back in coaching, seven months after leaving West Ham, Clarke's return left Nevin far from surprised. “I knew he wouldn’t be out for long. The fact that he worked with Jose Mourinho for the duration of his Chelsea tenure proved he was no fool. There aren’t many coaches that have worked at the top clubs for that long. It always leaks out if you can’t do your job or you have a flawed character. There’s no hiding place at that level.”

Another reason Nevin believes Dalglish brought Clarke on board was his continuous involvement in the Premier League during the 'noughties'. “Clarke has superb contacts and that continuity over the last decade will help Kenny bridge any gaps, since he stepped out of management in 2000.”

With Dalglish at the helm, Nevin sees a player’s character becoming a key factor in regaining the famed boot room philosophy. “Personality is going to be a key facet at Anfield again. Rafa Benitez brought in a conveyor belt of new players, okay, some worked but many didn’t and that scattergun approach just won’t happen now. Kenny will want to spend time with a player and find out what makes him tick and Clarke is the same.”

Dalglish and Clarke have turned around Liverpool's season

With six Scots managing in Premier League, all born within 20 miles of Glasgow, Nevin believes Clarke has been influenced by the late, great Jock Stein. “I worked under Jock and he was a genius. I find an extreme honesty about managers who worked with him. The word integrity jumps out and Clarke is definitely of that lineage.”

When they first played together, Clarke didn’t immediately strike Nevin as coaching material, unlike a certain Goodison Park supremo. ‘I’ve known Davey Moyes since he was 14 and I knew, even then, that he would be a manager, but Clarkey wasn’t like that. At the same time I wasn’t surprised either. It was the way he trained and talked to other professionals. You could see his attitude was spot-on for the rigours of coaching.”

Liverpool’s win ratio in the Premier League has risen from 35 per cent to 55 since Dalglish and Clarke succeeded Roy Hodgson in January, and while part of that improvement has come through tightening up at the back – owner John Henry’s congratulatory tweeting about Liverpool’s improved defensive record won’t have gone unnoticed at Anfield – Nevin feels that Clarke was drafted in to do more than stop Liverpool shipping goals.

“I’d underline that Clarke is not a defensive coach. Obviously if a right back is getting caught square at the back, he’ll help them improve their positional play because of his technical know-how but I imagine Kenny, Sammy Lee and Steve will be concentrating on systems all over the park. They’ll adapt to a style of play for a reason, and explain what they want in terms the players can understand.”

Nevin believes a prime example of the duo’s common sense approach came early on in their partnership. “Take left back, it’s been a problem position for years, so what do they do, switch Glen Johnson over to the left hand side and keep Martin Kelly, who was playing out of his skin before he was injured, on the right. It was a no-brainer. Lots of managers try to use a magic wand to solve issues but Kenny and Steve act instinctively and do what football men would do.”

On a social level, Nevin says he caught up with Clarke in Liverpool recently. “Wherever Steve’s been working, we’ll hook up for a beer because we like talking about the game. I got on well with everyone at Chelsea because they were colleagues, but I consider Clarke a friend.”

Clarke is often portrayed in the media as a dour Scot and it's a stereotype that amuses Nevin. “He’s always being described as serious but he's not always like that. Fifteen years ago, the press were calling Kenny dour but now they’re starting to see his dry sense of humour. Granted, Clarkey’s not the quickest to laugh, but he has a typical West Coast (of Scotland) wit that entertains us Scots North of the Border.”

With seven games left of Liverpool’s season, Nevin belives that if Dalglish and Clarke are kept on by FSG (Fenway Sports Group) in the summer, they will be scouring the world for improvements to a threadbare and limping playing squad.

“Liverpool are in a much better place than they were. In Steven Gerrard, Andy Carroll, Luis Suarez, Raul Meireles and Dirk Kuyt they are sorted offensively but they do need a top-quality winger to feed Carroll. You can add to that a left-back and possibly a central defender. With his aura, Kenny will be able to attract players simply because of who he is and alongside Steve Clarke, who gives you organisation and straight talking, you have two men that should ensure Liverpool's future is in safe hands.”

The sun-blocking, heart valve valuing Premier f**king Preview

2011-04-08T15:27:00Z

So hang on – what you’re saying is, this blog has to preview and predict every Premier League game this weekend without swearing even once?

This’ll be short.

SATURDAY

Wolves v Everton (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

It looks like draw central here. Wolves are unbeaten in three at home; Everton unbeaten in five in general. And the last three matches between these two ended in stalemates.

Wolves continue to lack that bite upfront, their teeth corked by Kevin Doyle’s injury. Sylvan Ebanks-Blake looks ready to seize his chance, though, to the despair of penny-pinching parents of Wolves fans who want his name on their shirt regardless of the cost per letter.

Everton are rapidly running out of squad players who aren’t apprentices, physios or local children – injuries to the tremendous trio of Cahill, Coleman and Rodwell may keep any or all of them out of this match.

What won’t happen: Many more televised lunchtime kick-offs for Wolves, unless Sky invests in some more Championship matches next season

What will happen: A draw that satisfies neither team, greedy gits that they are at this stage of the season

Blackburn v Birmingham (3pm)

This game doesn’t look destined to have people scribbling furiously into their diaries by tomorrow night, though it could see the departure of Steve Kean – depending on how nutterific Blackburn’s owners are feeling.

Rovers recorded a good draw away to Arsenal last week but still find themselves in the precarious position of 14th; indeed, they actually fell a place for not winning that match. Tch, what can you do?

Win at home, perhaps. Kean’s men have taken just two points from a possible nine at home of late, and haven’t won a league game anywhere since January, within the confines of Ewood Park or on the road.

That 27-and-a-half-year contract is looking a bit silly now.

Time for Brum to take advantage? They may have to do it without Obafemi Martins and Nikola Zigic, who are, according to the club, “so-so”. Oh, sorry, that’s “50-50”. Eyesight isn’t what it used to be.

What won’t happen: Kean wins adopting the ‘false nose and glasses’ approach to avoiding detection by the sniper-holding Venky’s, and announces a new strategy for winning games: Operation Wig

What will happen: Birmingham put the boot in with a win to lift them further away from the relegation zone

Bolton v West Ham (3pm)

It would be very harsh on West Ham if they went down this year, seeing as they have enough points to their name to have kept them up last season (in fact, every team in the league now has the 31 that would have kept them safe 11 months back).

It’ll be harsh on any club, seeing as this could be the first time every Premier League team finishes with 40 points or more, but it would bring back especially bad memories of 2002-03 for the Hammers, when they were relegated despite reaching the magical number of 42.

But as long as Demba-ba-ba Ba and Li’l Scotty Parker remain fit and happy, they should stay in the top flight for a bit longer.

A point or even a win here wouldn’t go amiss, though. Bolton may have won their last three home games but they come into this game off the back of two defeats, and 9ft 8in Zat Knight is back, meaning darkness in the penalty area as he blocks out the sun.

What won’t happen: Avram Grant, banned from the touchline, to fall asleep in the stands and be poked with a stick to make substitutions, eventually falling to the evil machinations of Bolton fans who truss him up as a marionette and make him dance as their puppet

What will happen: The Trotters make it seven league wins in a row over the Hammers

Chelsea v Wigan (3pm, Absolute Radio)

A thumping, right? Not necessarily.

Wigan’s away record isn’t actually as woeful as you might expect, given they’re bottom: they’ve taken more points from journeys than Aston Villa, Wolves, Fulham, Bolton, Stoke and Blackburn, and as many as Birmingham and West Brom. Not bad – they should become professional hitch-hikers.

The problem is that they can’t score away from home, registering just 11 goals in 14 matches. Chelsea’s defence is sufficiently tight to keep things that way, though they may rest a few players – and if Paulo Ferreira plays, Wigan need to take advantage of his utter inadequacy at football and, indeed, life.

And get this: Yossi Benayoun may actually make it onto the field of play. Remember him?

What won’t happen: Over 90 minutes, Wigan to overturn the 14-0 aggregate scoreline across their last two fixtures against the Pensioners

What will happen: Chelsea to do the job

Manchester United v Fulham (3pm)

Inside sources say that Manchester United are likely to rest a few players afore the Chelsea game on Tuesday, so expect some big names to be absent.

Rooney is out (did you hear about that?) and Fulham are likely to be without Damien Duff, who is impersonating Achilles’ later efforts in the Trojan War. Bobby-Z is back tho’, innit.

What won’t happen: The entire United XI show their solidarity with Rooney, uniting to bellow one gigantic curseword into the pitchside mics when they take the lead. “They can’t send us all off!” announces one player, but the ref does just that and Wigan win by default. Spartacus Fail

What will happen: Normally, 2-0, but allowing for the ‘managers that played under Fergie always roll over’ effect, 3-0

Sunderland v West Brom (3pm)

The Black Cats’ latest run of form is slightly akin to that of a dead man’s at living, while West Brom are unbeaten in the five games since our Woy took over. No clean sheet in 29 matches, mind.

That may change here, unless Sunderland can find some firepower, fast. At least Titus Bramble is out for the season, so their defence...well, exists.

What won’t happen: A thrilling, gung-ho piece of attacking football from the visitors

What will happen: Draw

Tottenham v Stoke (3pm)

What can you say about Spurs, except that they’re the architects of their own downfall?

A run of games against Blackpool, Wolves, West Ham and Wigan should really have yielded four wins out of four, looking at the fixtures individually. Even if that wasn’t to be the case – thought it would have put them joint-second – three points from 12 certainly wasn’t enough.

This is Spurs’ last ‘gimme’ – Stoke’s away record is usually poor, but especially shocking of late (six losses on the trot) – before they play Arsenal, but at the moment they are to winning what Charlie Sheen is to actually winning at life.

Spurs did a similar thing last season, leaving it to victories against Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester City to claim fourth spot. They don’t look likely to do it again, but do at least have four home games in a row coming up. To have a chance of another humiliation at the hands of Real Madrid next season, they have to win this match.

Stoke will be without Danny Higginbotham for six months now, a massive blow to their lofty ambitions of finishing mid-table. Sorensen, Faye, Pennant and Carew all return to the squad, possibly with a burning sense of injustice after their opponents’ fortuitous win over them back in August.

What won’t happen: Tottenham to have the same luck this time around

What will happen: A fourth draw in a row for the home side, all in games they should be winning to finish in the top four

SUNDAY

Blackpool v Arsenal (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Attacking football, vibrant, exciting, etc. etc.

You just know that Blackpool don’t have it in them to batten down the hatches if they need to, and their home record is so woefully poor – the worst in the Prem, indeed – that they might have to do just that. But they won’t. So they’ll lose.

But hey, Matthew Gilks could be back! Bad news for the neutrals, certainly, but a good missive for those Tangerines fans who value their heart valves. Richard Kingson is great fun; however, ultra-reliable he ain’t.

It’s a good thing Arsenal have that in their keepers, isn’t it?

What won’t happen: Jens Lehmann to play, save four penalties, score a winner in the last minute and get sent off for streaking in front of the away end

What will happen: Ian Holloway to talk utter balls before, during and after the match – it’s actually getting really tiresome now, which we weren’t expecting

Aston Villa v Newcastle (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

After the attacking, vibrant, exciting inevitable Arsenal victory before it, this game could be a bit of a comedown.

But why? If there’s one thing we’ve found, it’s that you can’t predict that Gerard Houllier and Alan Pardew are going to do on a day-to-day basis. They might kiss on the pitch and announce a civil partnership in charge of Notts County.

What won’t happen: Hatem Ben Arfa, back in training, to sadly watch his leg fall off during a casual warm-up

What will happen: Marc Albrighton to make the squad again after impressing in a reserves’ win over Liverpool, but he can’t prevent the Villans from taking only a draw at home

MONDAY

Liverpool v Manchester City (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Seemingly everyone is predicting a draw in this classic case of big teams facing off for some Monday Night Footbaaaaaall.

Liverpool have the much better record, taking 10 points from a possible 12 in their last four games at Anfield. Citeh, meanwhile, haven’t won in their last five sojourns out of Manchester.

Pablo Zabaleta returns for the Fragrant Blues after a long period of compassionate leave. Micah Richards and Jerome Boateng, injured, remain at each other’s bedside.

Liverpool have had some terrible injury news of late: Steven Gerrard and Daniel Agger are out for the season, and Glen Johnson out for a month (so, basically, the season except maybe the last game or two).

Fortunately, new stakeholder in the club LeBron James comes straight into the starting line-up. He’ll be leading the line with Andy Carroll, with their tactics being to keep heading the ball to each other until the City defence dies of old age.

What won’t happen: That

What will happen: Hate to be predictable and boring and that, but draw. What? F***ing WHAT?

Scouting Report: Birmingham's great Blue hope

2011-04-08T12:41:00Z

The Carling Cup is seen by many English clubs as a playground for developing their best young talent. But for this year's winners, Birmingham City, top quality home grown prospects have been hard to come by.

Alex McLeish spoke earlier in the season about his desire to develop The Blues' academy, whose most significant graduates of recent years include Andy Johnson and Darren Carter. He warned fans in January of the tough transition to producing exciting young players, yet in Nathan Redmond they appear to have stuck gold before they've even begun digging.

Redmond follows the typical blueprints for a modern English winger. Pace, technique, versatility and composure - yet unlike so many before him, a refreshing attitude. The 17-year-old has a confidence and swagger in possession, but this is tempered with a solid work ethic and consistently positive body language.

Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea and a number of other clubs had previously followed the Birmingham-born starlet, but the signing of a three year professional deal last month warned them off. Redmond has trusted his development to McLeish, a man who nurtured many blossoming talents through Rangers' system before moving South in 2007.

Nathan has always been a cut above the rest. He played Under 18 and Reserves football at 15, and was then given a squad number and a first team debut at 16. McLeish sensed his potential, and, spurred on from updates from trusted academy boss Terry Westley, he handed the winger a run out in the Carling Cup tie with Rochdale in August. Playing on both the right and left, Redmond injected his exciting mix of pace and end product, bursting away from his full back on a handful of occasions and coming close to scoring. McLeish did little to dampen the buzz, by saying the teenager was set for a 'big future'.

League Two Burton Albion thought they'd be the first, away from privacy of Birmingham's Wast Hills training centre, to get a closer look at Redmond in January, but a Football League rule banning first-year scholars from signing on loan curtailed an initial one-month deal. Nathan was effectively too young to play at this level, or so the rule book said.

The Yardley-based youngster has also made strides on the international front, winning the 2009 Victory Shield and then helping England's Under 16's reach the final of the Montaigu Tournament. Nathan really showed his promise for his country two weeks ago, when he scored to help the Young Lions to a 2-1 win over the much fancied Spanish, to finish top of their Elite Round qualifying group for the UEFA Under 17 Championships in Serbia later this year. It was quite an achievement.

Aston Villa may be one of the leading lights in youth football at present, but if Nathan Redmond continues to build on his mass potential, it will be the blue half of Birmingham who may yet produce the next big thing.

Weekender: Torres v Sutton, Rooney v world

2011-04-08T10:40:00Z

1. Torres has until half-time to avoid surpassing Sutton
Fernando Torres certainly hasn't enjoyed a particularly emphatic start to his Chelsea career – and he's not far from enduring a worse start than one of the Stamford Bridge club's most infamous flops. The Spaniard has so far gone 415 minutes of Premier League football without a Chelsea goal – just 43 fewer than Chris Sutton racked up before his first league goal for the Blues, against Manchester United in October 1999, three months after Chelsea paid Blackburn £10m for him.

But he's still got a long way to go to surpass the barren runs some other Premier League strikers who have suffered after making big money moves to new clubs...
Thierry Henry (Arsenal, 1999) 463 mins
Peter Crouch (Liverpool, 2005) 707 mins
Robbie Keane (Liverpool, 2008) 764 mins
Diego Forlan (Manchester United, 2001) 791 mins
Helder Postiga (Tottenham, 2003) 794 mins

2. The Railwaymen are not kings of the road
Twelfth-placed Crewe may be the third-highest scorers at home in League Two, hitting eight goals past Cheltenham last weekend and possessing two forwards who have netted 40 between them this season. But a woeful away record mirrors their stellar home form. On Saturday Dario Gradi’s men head to struggling Barnet – who they hit seven past back in August - looking to avoid a 10th straight defeat on their travels.

 3. Madrid to meet unrelegatable rivals
While it looks like Real Madrid will getting a little more familiar with deadly rivals Barcelona over the coming weeks – with the La Liga giants likely to do battle in the Champions League semifinals, the league and the final of the Copa del Rey over the next four weeks – Madrid won't have to wait that long to face the other member of a rather exclusive club. Athletic Bilbao, who host Jose Mourinho's side this weekend, are the only side other than Barça and Madrid to have never been relegated from the top flight of Spanish football.

4. Iron resolve: Hammers usually turn defeat to victory
Although licking their wounds after last week's extremely televised Rooney rout, West Ham should take heart: they rarely lose consecutively in the league. It's 20 games since they did so (against Man United and Chelsea), one of the division's longest runs – topped only by Chelsea (23), obdurate couple Stoke and Fulham (25), eternally battling top-four wannabes Man City and Spurs (33) – and the standout leaders Everton, who haven't lost two on the bounce in 48 games stretching back to November 2009. 

5. Luis Suarez played with Jason McAteer back in 1997
...well, sort of. The new Anfield hero exclusively reveals in the May edition of FourFourTwo magazine, out now, that he was a fan of the virtual incarnation of the Reds' late-90s vintage during his childhood. "The whole world knows what history Liverpool have. They are one of the best teams in Europe, some great players have played here. When I was 10 years old, I used to play as them on the PlayStation, but never imagined I would play here." The Uruguayan and his new strike partner Andy Carroll both gave us their first major interviews since the moves to Anfield – while we also speak to Kenny Dalglish, John W Henry and Damien Comolli about the 'Red revolution'. 
NEW ISSUE: What else is in it the May FourFourTwo?

There was a time when you couldn't move without seeing David Beckham, because he couldn't move without someone shoving a camera in his mush. These days it's Wayne Rooney to whom the cameras zoom. On Saturday lunchtime Rooney was going about his usual business – scoring goals in a Manchester United win – when he was doorstepped by a Sky Steadicam operator. Volleying down the lens the sort of curses he's seldom spared a referee, Rooney found himself cast as a poor example to the Tiny Tims of our delicate nation, dropped by Coke, and handed a two-match ban which rules him out of the Manchester derby FA Cup semi-final next weekend.

By that time United might have reached another semi-final, thanks to Rooney again; he scored the only goal in the Champions League quarter-final first leg at Chelsea. But the goals flew in elsewhere. Barcelona crushed Shakhtar 5-1 at the Camp Nou, with five different goalscorers (none of whom were called Messi) and Schalke surprised Inter – already wobbling after a heavy derby defeat to AC Milan – with a 5-2 win at the San Siro.

And there was trouble for Tottenham at Real Madrid. Losing Aaron Lennon shortly before the game – although the winger tweeted defiantly that he hadn't been "taken ill" – Spurs soon went down to 10 men thanks to Peter Crouch's ill-judged tackling. With Emmanuel Adebayor yet again the bogeyman (scoring two headers from corners) and icing applied by Angel Di Maria and Cristiano Ronaldo for a 4-0 win, both Spanish sides can look forward to an almost inevitable Clasico semi-final. And so can the neutrals.

Elsewhere, Rangers face a UEFA disciplinary hearing over allegations of sectarian chanting; basketballer LeBron James acquired a slice of Liverpool FC; and Paul Ince left Notts County, becoming the 39th managerial casualty of the season – four days after PFA chief Gordon Taylor appealed for more black managers in the game, applauding the NFL's initiative that all interview processes should include members of ethnic minorities. The name of that initiative? The Rooney Rule. You just can't escape that name... 

Schalke catch Inter cold as Rangnick's tactical gamble pays off
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Mikel, Moses, Geesus and ZZ Top – another week in international management
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Spurs' troubles don't concern Madridista press as Real eye Clasico semi
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Attend 31 games in 31 days? Across Europe? Oh alright then
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Trabzon pull away as dreadful Galatasaray call an election
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Leonardo left speechless as Inter face the end of an era
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Prepare to fail? Not Schalke's laptop lovers
Visitors to Gelsenkirchen could be forgiven for thinking Schalke’s museum is another ubiquitous branch of PC World in the Ruhr.
Space is afforded to medals, shirts and programmes, as one would expect – nothing out of the ordinary, perhaps. Except pride of place is reserved for another rather dated and chunky-looking object – a Compaq Contura laptop, its weight 6.25 pounds, its black shell polished up like a trophy in its own right.

Filed away somewhere on its tiny 350MB hard drive is a database, one six years in the making. Its architect, Dutch coach Huub Stevens, had meticulously listed and described penalties and their takers – so when the second leg of the 1997 UEFA Cup final at San Siro went to spot-kicks, Schalke were prepared in a way that their opponents Inter could scarcely have imagined.

“Stevens had all the Inter players and their preferred corners stored in the computer,” revealed Schalke captain Olaf Thon. The chief benefactor of that intelligence was Jens Lehmann. “I’d checked with the laptop and knew that whenever Ivan Zamorano took a long run-up he always put the ball to the goalkeeper’s left and that’s exactly what he did.”

It put Inter on the back foot immediately, and when Aron Winter missed their third, Stevens could afford to look up from his laptop and smile. Schalke converted all four of their penalties and quite unexpectedly tasted glory.
– James Horncastle, FourFourTwo writer Read the full feature >>

"I dreamed of being a dwarf"
– Peter Crouch, Feb 2008, Ask A Silly Question

"I was the red sheep of the family..."
– Ian Brown, Nov 2005, Sing When You're Winning

"Roberto Carlos is deformed, isn't he?"
– Steve McManaman, Oct 2004, One on One

Scousers, gangbangers, Berlusconi and dodgy refs

2011-04-06T11:36:00Z

Spring has sprung at last – a time for good weather, sugary pagan rituals and, above all, new beginnings.

Yes, the May issue of FourFourTwo is hitting the shelves with a look inside the new Liverpool. We speak to the men behind the rebirth to see what’s still to come.

And, predictably enough, that’s not all. For the first time since their moves to the Kop, superstar strikers Andy Carroll and Luis Suarez reveal all, in major interviews inside FFT’s glossy pages.

But if reading about the Reds’ revival doesn’t rev your engine, or you’re after something a little more nostalgic, take a look at this month’s One-on-One with Bert Trautmann. The Manchester City legend talks Prisoner of War camps, breaking his neck and the odd bit of football in one of the most fascinating responses we’ve ever had to your questions.

Back to the present, and it’s a different kind of jail for Gangbangers FC. We reveal the incredible story behind the Californian football team made up of members from rival gangs. They’re not bad at footy either – when they’re not on trial for murder...

How does it feel to be £10 million in debt, bottom of the table and having to travel 1,500 miles for two games? We find out, as we take the party bus with Plymouth fans on their epic successive trips to Hartlepool and Carlisle – all with a 10-point deduction hanging over them.

Referees are under more scrutiny than ever, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have heard of these shockers: FourFourTwo tracks down the stories behind the 30 maddest reffing moments EVER.

Did you know Silvio Berlusconi invented modern football? Read the full story of how the Premier League owes everything to the Milan president and Italian filth merchant.

Talking of politics, there’s none in football, you know. That’s what the head of Palestine’s FA tells us, as his country prepares for its first ever competitive international on home soil. Unconvinced, we head into the warzone to find out.

This tasty and tantalising issue of FourFourTwo was put together with the help of John W Henry, Kenny Dalglish, Damien Comolli, Steve Claridge, David Wheater, Bert Trautmann, Jimmy Armfield, Demba Ba, Peter Reid, Kevin Sampson, Ian Rush, Wesley Sneijder, Johnnie Jackson, Bobby Zamora, Ben Foster, Peter Hooton, Luis Suarez, Marcelo Balboa, Tony Cottee, John Aldridge, Jamie Redknapp, Sasa Ihringova, Peter Schmeichel, Frank Lampard, John Berylson, Jamie Carragher, Scott Loach, Mick Wadsworth, Michel Salgado, Andy Carroll, Franco Baresi, Darren Bent, Angel di Maria, Ugo Monye, Greg Thompson, Lee Sharpe, Adrian ‘Jackpot’ Lewis and actor David Tennant.

Check out the new digital version – or stick with the print version

Copy-paste-save: Schalke seek to emulate spreadsheet success

2011-04-05T11:35:00Z

Visitors to Gelsenkirchen could be forgiven for thinking Schalke’s museum is another ubiquitous branch of PC World in the Ruhr.

Space is afforded to medals, shirts and programmes, as one would expect - nothing out of the ordinary perhaps. Except pride of place is reserved for another rather dated and chunky-looking object - a Compaq Contura laptop, its weight 6.25 pounds, its black shell polished up like a trophy in its own right.

Filed away somewhere on its tiny 350MB hard drive is a database, one six years in the making. Its architect, the Dutch coach, Huub Stevens, had meticulously listed and described penalties and their takers, so when the second leg of the 1997 UEFA Cup final at San Siro went to extra time and then spot-kicks, Schalke were prepared in a way that their opponents Inter could scarcely have imagined.

“Stevens had all the Inter players and their preferred corners stored in the computer,” revealed Olaf Thon, the Schalke captain. The chief benefactor of that intelligence was Jens Lehmann. “I’d checked with the laptop and knew that whenever Ivan Zamorano took a long run-up he always put the ball to the goalkeeper’s left and that’s exactly what he did.”

That team, with its industry and mental toughness became known as the Eurofighters and offered a fitting reflection of Gelsenkirchen itself. Johan De Kock, the Schalke defender, even studied engineering in his spare time and was later asked to consult on the club’s new stadium, while Marc Wilmots - the hero of the first leg with a rasping 25-yard shot that escaped Gianluca Pagliuca, also hung up his boots to enter public service. He became a member of the Belgian senate.

As for Inter, it was a humiliating home defeat in front of 81,000 of their own fans. Their manager Roy Hodgson cut a forlorn figure on the sidelines. His handling of the situation had been lamentable. With a shoot-out looming, Hodgson decided to replace a young Javier Zanetti with the more experienced Nicola Berti. It was a vote of no confidence - the only time an otherwise model professional threw an angry tantrum.

What followed greatly unsettled Inter at a crucial moment. “The change didn’t go down well with Javier who gave the manager a piece of his mind,” recalls Beppe Bergomi. “Mister Roy didn’t reply in a striking fashion, but then once extra-time was over, he exploded and went to give Zanetti a piece of his mind too… You could cut the tension with a knife. I think that it’s the only time Zanetti has been involved in such an agitation in his fantastic career with Inter. There was an irony of sorts in that Berti didn’t even get to take his penalty kick.”

Hodgson resigned the following day. “No one is more bitter than me,” he refrained, and although Inter got their revenge a year later by knocking Schalke out at the quarter-final stage of the same competition, they needed extra-time once again and the divine intervention of Taribo West.

Despite that result, the ghosts of `97 still linger. Schalke’s current goalkeeper Manuel Neuer watched the final as an 11-year-old and hasn’t forgotten the history lesson. “I saw the first leg of that game at the stadium and the return leg on a giant screen,” he said. “I remember the match very well. We hope to write a similar story.”

Of course, Schalke coach Ralf Rangnick also adds to the intrigue of this quarter-final tie. Nicknamed The Professor, Inter should expect the same detailed preparation from Schalke as they encountered with Stevens’ side all those years ago.

A tactical guru in his own right, Rangnick drew inspiration in his early days from Arrigo Sacchi’s Milan. “I recorded all of Milan’s games, dissected every move and learned,” he told the Süddeutsche Zeitung. “I believe that every player who was under Sacchi’s guidance was more tactically instructed than any teacher at a coaching course.”

So tonight’s game has a derby-like feel too. It’s also Rangnick’s first in the Champions League since December 2005. As fate would have it, the setting that evening was San Siro and Schalke suffered a 3-2 defeat to Milan, one that brought elimination and soon afterwards the end of Rangnick’s first stint at the club.

The odds are against him again this evening. Injuries to Mario Gavranovic, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Peer Kluge leave Rangnick short of options. “We must turn the impossible into the possible,” he said. And how better to do that than by invoking the spirit of `97.

Heroes & Villains: Buckles, shackles, satire and sushi

2011-04-04T11:20:00Z

James Maw casts aspersions and acclamations form the weekend's Premier League action...

HEROES

Wayne Rooney
From the moment the England international’s 65th minute free-kick snuck inside Rob Green’s near post to halve Manchester United’s deficit at Upton Park, you just knew they would complete the job. And Rooney – the hero of the hour, or more specifically 14 minutes – personifies the staunch resilience and bloody-mindedness that prevents Sir Alex Ferguson’s side from ever believing they are beaten. Just as it seemed the league leaders may be about to let Arsenal back into the title race, Rooney’s intervention heaped pressure on Arsenal, who buckled against Blackburn five hours later.

After a slow and acrimonious start to the season, Rooney has now crept into the top 10 of the Premier League’s goalscoring charts and is edging back towards last season's form: 34 goals and the PFA Player of the Year Award. In fact, this is now Rooney’s second-best Premier League season in terms of goals per game. Rooney’s second goal – a superb shot across Green after a first touch so good it left two West Ham players for dead – was the pick of the bunch. Not that that was what the papers concentrated on...

Roberto Mancini
The Italian's switch to a 4-4-2 from his usual and more conservative 4-3-2-1 seemed to catch Sunderland by surprise. With Spurs and Liverpool both faltering this weekend, Manchester City's win was a huge step towards achieving their primary goal: Champions League football next season.

While Sunderland’s defensive display was halfway from woeful to suicidal, this shouldn’t detract from what was a far more dynamic and entertaining performance from a Manchester City side who maybe, just maybe, have finally thrown off the shackles. Either that or they’ll switch back to having three defensive midfielders at Anfield next week and draw 0-0...

Bobby Zamora
Remember The Time Bobby Zamora had his leg broken by a Dangerous Karl Henry tackle in September? Being ruled out for over half the season no doubt made Bobby want to Scream, and it left Fulham in a bit of a Jam for the first half of the campaign. But the striker returned to Heal the World – by which, of course, we mean Fulham’s season – scoring twice against Blackpool on his first start in over six months.

His first came when James Beattie's Bad backwards pass saw the ball fall to the sometime England international, who Beat It past Richard Kingson to put the Cottagers into the lead. Minutes later he flicked a Damien Duff free-kick beyond the Ghanaian keeper to double his side's lead. Yeah, we ran out of Michael Jackson puns. Bye.

Kevin Phillips
It’s hard to remember a world before Kevin Phillips was popping up and for a spot of penalty box foraging – in fact it’s hard to remember a world before 'Super Kev' was described as a veteran – but the 37-year-old continues to defy expectations, scoring his 92nd Premier League goal, 12 years after the first. His early strike helped Birmingham to a crucial win over Bolton and might kick-start a season that has stalled since their League Cup win.

Roy Hodgson
Ha ha! “Woy’s Wevenge”, it says here in our morning paper. It’s funny because he has a slight speech impediment. Brilliant. Beyond such thigh-slappingly stupendous satire, the papers also note that West Brom haven't lost in the six games since Hodgson arrived at The Hawthorns. The rot that had set in under Roberto di Matteo has well and truly been stopped.

VILLAINS

'The Media' and their (over)reaction to Wayne Rooney
Wayne Rooney could perhaps be forgiven for letting off a bit of steam after inspiring Manchester United's sensational (if somewhat unsurprising) turnaround at West Ham, particularly after what you would diplomatically describe as a "difficult" season. Having put United into the lead at Upton Park with a 79th-minute penalty, Rooney screeched an expletive towards the Sky Sports camera being rammed into his mug; cue half the nation acting offended on behalf of the rest.

Some have called for a ban, comparing his actions to those of Didier Drogba after Chelsea's controversial Champions League semi-final defeat to Barcelona in 2009. On that occasion, the striker stared down the barrel of a rubbernecking Sky Sports camera and bellowed "It's a f**king disgrace!" The difference is that Drogba was banned not for that quote but for making insulting comments to the referee: his post-match mega-strop also included a prolonged session of pointing and shouting at Tom Henning Ovrebo.

There are offensive words; malicious, hate-filled ones that target specific groups of people. The word Rooney yelped is so commonplace in modern society – rightly or wrongly – that it hardly seems fair to single him for uttering it in the heat of the moment, even if that moment was broadcast into millions of homes on a Saturday lunchtime.

Nemanja Vidic
Nemanja Vidic is one of the most respected defenders in Europe, but on some occasions he does a great impression of a lumbering ox. Not for the first time, the Serbian got away with it at Upton Park on Saturday. He could easily have been dismissed for dragging down Demba Ba in the penalty area, denying the Senegalese what seemed a clear goalscoring opportunity (wouldn't have been the case had it been Carlton Cole, mind…). Vidic escaped with just a yellow, and somehow avoided a second booking for having another nibble at the same player in the second half – which would have left United with a back three of Fabio, Chris Smalling and Ryan Giggs. Fergie and Phelan reverted back to "we cannot question referees" mode. Obviously.

Spurs’ strikers
There are so many statistics that underline the extent of Tottenham’s penalty-box impotence this season. Harry Redknapp’s side have scored 16 fewer league goals this term than they had done at the same stage of the previous season. All three of the Premier League's newly-promoted teams have scored more league goals – in total, 10 teams have scored more than the Champions League quarter-finalists.

Want more? So does Harry. Tottenham's three strikers have scored just 11 league goals between them all season – with seven of those (64%) coming from "Russian Misfit Roman Pavlyuchenko". No fewer than 56 players have so far this season scored more than the four Premier League goals that England duo Peter Crouch and Jermain Defoe have mustered in a combined 43 top-flight appearances – including the likes of Stoke centreback Robert Huth (six in 30 matches) and Marlon Harewood of Blackpool (five in 16 – and he's now on loan at Barnsley).

While, in mitigation, Crouch has provided his fair share of assists and Defoe was forced to sit out 10 weeks of the season with an ankle injury, these factors shouldn’t mask their alarming profligacy in front of goal – after all, it has probably cost Tottenham another crack at the Champions League next season. Spurs drew their third successive blank at the DW Stadium on Saturday, with Defoe, Pavlyuchnko and Crouch all failing to really test Wigan keeper Ali Al-Habsi. Expect to see Daniel Levy prancing round Europe throwing wads of cash at any striker he’s heard of from June right up until August 31…

Phil Jagielka
The following is an extract from Richard Littlejohn’s latest diatribe against the 21st century:

"I’ve said this so many times over the last 15 years or so, but these foreign sorts coming over to play in our sacred and holy league really are causing quite a stink with their devious and underhand diving antics.

"Take this Eastern European sounding chap, Jagielka. His tumble under little if any contact from Villa’s brave British battler John McEwan at Goodison on Saturday resulted in a penalty from which Everton levelled the score at 2-2.

[A phone rings] "Hello? Sale, Greater Manchester you say? Eight England caps, eh? Oh…"

*Editor’s note: It isn’t really. Littlejohn was probably far too busy furiously waving his fist at his local sushi bar and spitting at any passing Toyota to have seen this weekend’s Premier League action.

Kyle Walker
By his own admission, Aston Villa’s Kyle Walker had a bit of a stinker in Saturday’s 2-2 draw at Goodison. On his personal Twitter account the full-back – on loan from Spurs – declared that it could have been “the worst game I have ever played.” Perhaps that’s not such a bold statement, given the speed of his ascent during his fledgling career.

A first-half back-header to Brad Friedel lacked the necessary power and allowed Everton’s Jermaine Beckford a clear run at goal, although fortunately for Walker – if unsurprisingly for many – the Everton striker failed to capitalise. However, having clearly not learned his lesson from being caught on the ball earlier in the first half, Walker again opted to try and waltz out of the back four with the ball at his feet – this time being dispossessed by Leon Osman, who didn’t make the same mistake as Beckford and powered the ball beyond Brad Friedel.

Walker is, of course, a very young defender who should only benefit from the lessons learnt from this game and others. The problem for Villa is that they may well not be the ones to feel the benefit further down the line...

The history-changing, Lescott-terrorising, comedy-airkicking Premier Preview

2011-04-01T12:54:00Z

It’s the time when the season’s pattern becomes clearly defined: when the champions look to surge into an unsurpassable lead, and when teams likely to go down slip away from the pack.

So you’d think, anyway. But regarding the latter, especially, it may be a little longer before the relegation battle is settled: there’s one point and three goals separating six teams either side of the big bold line marked RELEGATION ZONE.

That said, Wigan look incredibly vulnerable with that whopping -22 goal difference and are bottom despite a win last week, while in Kevin Doyle Wolves have just lost their best player to injury for the rest of the season.

Keep up the fight, guys! Please, for the love of this blog’s readership, keep up the fight!

SATURDAY

West Ham v Manchester United (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

No real surprise to see this game on the telly, as it gives Sky to show more footage of Alex Ferguson sitting in the stands communicating to Mike Phelan through the world’s oldest telephone.

He’s lucky the phone can only call one person; otherwise, he’d had to manually dial the number.

Manchester United are missing a few famous faces, but West Ham look positively full-strength – Jack Collinson and Junior Stanislas are the only potential first-teamers likely to miss out.

What won’t happen: A draw – interestingly (to some of us), none of the last 14 meetings between these sides has been tied

What will happen: Sod’s Law would say a draw, but the brain says Manchester United.

Birmingham v Bolton (3pm)

Panic hasn’t set in yet for the League Cup winners: sure, Birmingham are second from bottom, but if they win their game in hand they’re up to 13th.

Bolton beat Brum in the FA Cup in both clubs’ just three weeks back, but since then the superb Stuart Holden has been shot in both kneecaps by a cackling, pistol-wielding Jonny Evans.

What won’t happen: The Blues to go down – the hunch remains...

What will happen: Like a couple who thought they had time for a quickie before the dinner party guests arrived, the hosts shock the visitors

Everton v Aston Villa (3pm)

An interesting 3pm kick-off, this. Not only does it showcase the relative demise of two teams used to battling for Europe (Everton are nine points from a Europa League spot; Villa, 16), but it could show the very real demise of Gerard Houllier.

The Frenchman has made precious few friends during his short time in the Midlands, rotating the squad and honourably promoting youth but at the expense of squad harmony and results.

“There’s no revolt here,” claim Houllier’s players, avoiding eye contact and hiding pistols behind their backs. But the manager’s days may well be numbered – that number presumably being somewhere between two and however many days are left until the end of the season…

What won’t happen: Villa - currently in 14th - to find themselves bottom after the weekend’s results, although it could technically happen

What will happen: Home win, despite Everton facing a full-strength Villa without themselves being able to call on the injured Saha, Rodwell, Coleman and Arteta

Newcastle v Wolves (3pm)

It isn’t overstating matters in purely football terms to call Kevin Doyle’s season-curtailing injury a disaster for Wolves.

The Irishman single-handedly carries the attack, be it by scoring goals or holding up the ball to bring others into play. They’ll miss him more than any other player, even England international Matt Jarvis’ - bet his mum will like seeing it written down like that.

Newcastle are likely to be without Spanish-speaking wide-boys Jose Enrique and Jonas Gutierrez, while Cheik ‘It Out’ Tiote is suspended.

What won’t happen: Neither manager to adopt an overly self-satisfied expression at some point during the game.

What will happen: Battling draw for the visitors; frustrating draw for the Toon

Stoke v Chelsea (3pm)

Chelsea are back in form again, winning four of their last five league games and with only Fernando Torres to be concerned about.

Still, when you have David Luiz acting as a playmaker in central defence, it’s not really a worry. In fact, it might be worth putting Torres in the back four. He might pop up for a corner and score a header or something.

The misfiring Spaniard will feel confident of a goal in the Potteries, though: Stoke have lost every one of their last seven matches to Chelsea, scoring just twice in the process. Second thoughts, maybe Nando should go in goal…

What won’t happen: Fernando Torres to don some gloves (and possibly a little helmet) and plonk himself between the sticks. Sadly.

What will happen: The Blues’ resurgence continues

West Brom v Liverpool (3pm, Absolute Radio)

Here’s one for you, as Roy Hodgson takes on the team who seem to be doing awfully well without him: if it wasn’t for David Bentley, Woy would never have been Liverpool boss.

Had the plastic-haired midfielder not missed his penalty in the 2009 League Cup final - Spurs could have sealed victory at Wembley and with it a European berth at the expense of Fulham, thusly preventing the Cottagers from having a crack at last season’s Europa League and stopping Woy’s weputation wocketing enough for him to get the Anfield gig in the process.

Meanwhile, so pre-occupied with their Europa League campaign, Spurs would have failed to qualify for this season’s Champions League - meaning Gareth Bale would never have been born!.

Don’t believe us? Go back in time to February 2009, taking with you a picture of Spurs’ enjoying their Champions League exploits. Teach past-Bentley how to take a proper chuffing penalty and then watch the Spurs players in the picture slowly disappear (a la that bit in Back to the Future) as history is changed.

Or don’t. It’s up to you, really.

What won’t happen: A similar theory regarding Wilson Palacios and the assassination of JFK.

What will happen: Woy’s wevenge! Well, a draw, anyway

Wigan v Spurs (3pm)

Oh, more Spurs. It’s hard to know what to expect from this one. Wigan have beaten Spurs twice in the last four meetings, with the other two games resulting in hidings rather than tidings – 3-0 and that frankly absurd 9-1.

What won’t happen: As catastrophic a defensive disaster as everyone, Redknapp included, is predicting for Spurs: the centre-backs will still be the mostly reliable Dawson and Bassong, with Corluka available as back-up

What will happen: Bale is rested, meaning he’ll face Real Madrid having played just 90 minutes in three months – but Spurs grab three points at the DW

Arsenal v Blackburn (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

The only Premier League manager under more pressure than Gerard Houllier, it seems, is Steve Kean. No wins since January means Blackburn’s owners - Venky’s Lancastrian Fried Chicken - are most likely getting rather impatient.

Arsenal have Van Persie, Fabregas, Walcott and Song fit, too, plus – snigger – Lehmann if they want him. The German made a nightmarish return to reserve action earlier this week, in which he conceded twice, managed a comedy airkick and generally charged around like a loon - it’s only a matter of time before he takes Almunia’s place in the first team.

What won’t happen: Lehmann to ever do anything near as brilliantly mental as everybody is expecting.

What will happen: Comfortable home win for Arsenal

SUNDAY

Fulham v Blackpool (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Fulham are the form team here, having not lost a home game in the league since New Year’s Day.

Expect to see a home side focusing on a tight defence and an away team throwing piss to the wind in an attempt to win 5-3.

What won’t happen: Blackpool to win 5-3

What will happen: Fulham quietly do the job, edging ever-nearer to safety

Manchester City v Sunderland (4pm, Sky Sports 1, HD1 & Sky 3D, 5 Live Radio)

Yup, it’s the weekly ‘Match Man City Will Almost Certainly Win 1-0 But Let’s Put It On The Bloody Telly Even Though There Is Nothing Really At Stake’ Sunday afternoon kick-off.

Add to this Sunderland’s poor form and you have absolutely no reason to televise this inevitable scandal against entertainment, especially in 3D – unless it’s to see Joleon Lescott shudder every time Asamoah Gyan is on the ball.

What won’t happen: 3D and HD to benefit Steve Bruce as much as it will Roberto Mancini

What will happen: 1-0. Or maybe Citeh feel like going crazy, in which case – 2-0

The enduring agony that torments every manager

2011-03-31T12:54:00Z

“Shape! Shape! Shape!” Every week, the manager and the head coach berate their players with a different, repeated piece of advice from the stands. A few months ago, the chant of “Second ball!” was seldom off head coach Matthew Atkinson’s lips. A few months before that, Chertsey Town’s players were urgently and repeatedly advised to “talk to each other!” while manager Spence Day was demanding “Use your brain!”

If you haven’t made it to the Curlews’ charming Alwyn Lane ground recently you should. Day and Atkinson are a fantastic double act, the most entertaining masters of stream of consciousness since James Joyce, offering a rich blend of tactical advice, invective and verbal encouragement that has made them one of the most compelling sideshows in English football.

Like the proverbial good and bad cop, they have evolved distinct roles. Atkinson is the urger-in-chief, responsible for reminding players which nugget of tactical advice is supposed to be uppermost in their minds for each particular fixture, dishing out praise where appropriate and trying to rectify whatever deficiencies emerge as the pattern of play evolves. So on my last visit, he kept berating his back four: “Five yards! Five yards! Give yourself a chance”. Yet when Chertsey blew an early lead by conceding a stupid goal, Atkinson was surprisingly phlegmatic, remarking: “Forget it now and move on”.

Day dishes out the praise too – less often than Atkinson – but his usual tone is one of incredulous outrage at his team’s wilful refusal to obey orders. So when Chertsey try a short corner which goes wrong, he splutters: “What are they doing?” Later, when a midfielder tries to be too clever, he asks: “How many times have you gotta tell ‘em?” At other times, he asks “Why are we walking?” The only time the Curlews players get much respite from Day is when they score a goal or the referee’s competence is called into question.

It’s hard to know what the players make of this. Most of the time they seem to be “copping a deaf un” though very occasionally they just seem confused. In one match last season, the Curlews won a corner and, with Day and Atkinson both bellowing from the stand, were briefly at a loss as to who was to take it and what they were supposed to do with it.

Day and Atkinson are not comic figures. The Curlews are near the top of the Combined Counties Premier Division and have just won 12 games in a row, just a match short of equalling their club record. But their tirades offer a compelling insight into the agonies every coach must suffer, at every level, during every match. Some cope by chewing industrial quantities of gum, others kick water bottles, while a few have perfected a stoic impassivity. But to listen to Day and Atkinson is to virtually to be admitted into their minds as they contemplate the mysterious unpredictability of the charges who may decide their fates. Lion tamers, you can almost see them thinking, never have to put up with this kind of nonsense.

My favourite part of the Atkinson-Day duologue occurred after the Chertsey right-back had a good idea in the wrong part of the pitch and undid a promising attack with his trickery. This time Day wasn’t splenetic, indignant or loud. He just stared at the space where the move had gone awry and said, in a baffled whisper: “Why? Why did he do it? Why?”

I suspect every coach has asked that very question since the game was reinvented at a few English public schools almost a century and a half ago.

PSV and Twente prepare to do battle as title race hots up

2011-03-31T09:31:00Z

Dutch football blogger Mohamed Moallim makes his FFT.com debut by looking ahead to this weekend's top-of-the-table clash in the Eredivisie

With only a point separating the Eredivisie’s current top two - FC Twente and PSV Eindhoven – as the pair prepare to lock horns at De Grolsch Veste on Saturday evening, both sides know a win could swing the title pendulum in their favour as the season enters its final stages.

The two sides share a single ambition this season, but for different reasons: the reigning champions FC Twente do not want to be seen as a flash in the pan (like AZ Alkmaar before them) and PSV want to return to the summit of Dutch football after two seasons watching from the sidelines, their crown usurped.

So far so good for Twente. The side from Enschede - a city in the eastern province of Overijssel, known for holding the second oldest marathon in Europe - have risen to the challenge of defending their title, which began modestly after losing the likes of Ronnie Stam, Blaise Nkufo, Kenneth Perez, Cheick Tioté and Marko Arnautović in the summer.

However they did bolster the squad that remained, adding Denny Landzaat, Roberto Rosales, Nacer Chadli and Marc Janko to support the likes of Theo Janssen and Luuk de Jong, who have come to embody the team.

Another departure was of course the man who led them to their first league title, Steve McClaren, who decided to try his luck in the Bundesliga rather than defend his title. He was replaced by Belgian coach Michel Preud’homme, who previously managed Standard Liège and Gent in his homeland.

Preud’homme has brought more attacking impetuous to the team and as things stand they only need nine goals to equal last season’s league total. There also seems to be a new-found flexibility in the team, with Twente still chasing a historic treble, having reached the domestic cup final and the quarterfinals of the Europa League.

McClaren and his Twente team schelebra...sorry, celebrate their title win

As for PSV, they’re not been accustomed to be on the outside looking in – particularly over the last decade. Prior to AZ Alkmaar’s triumph in 2009, the previous four titles had all headed to Eindhoven.

Fred Rutten - assistant manager during Guus Hiddink’s highly successful spell at the club from 2002 to 2006 - took the reins that summer, and made a tentative start to life in the Philips Stadion hot seat – finishing third in his first season.

This season it’s been nothing but aggressive intent – PSV are not only the league’s top goal scorers with 72 and counting, they also have the joint best defence.

Without question their most potent performance was their 10-0 demolition of Feyenoord back in October, a win that sent out a warning to the rest of the division.

Both teams go into Saturday’s game on the back of recent good runs of form, each winning four times in their last six league games. Although FC Twente lost away to AZ Alkmaar during that period, they made up for it by winning their next three on the spin, conceding just once.

The game should also see some of the bright stars of Dutch football taking to the field. For the home side, the partnership of Luuk de Jong and Theo Janssen has only grown stronger and stronger, with the pair responsible for a large portion of Twente’s goals - be it by scoring or creating them.

Alongside them is possibly the Eredivisie signing of the season - Nacer Chadli, who was plucked from second division side AGOVV last summer.

Chadli and Dzsudzsák will be among the stars on show on Saturday

The impressive 21-year-old Belgian winger’s seven league goals – one of them the only goal in Twente’s win in Eindhoven earlier in the season – and an array of mercurial performances have caught the eye of many of Europe’s top clubs.

As for the Eindhoven club, they probably have the player of the season in Balázs Dzsudzsák, who was initially a doubt for Saturday’s clash having picked up a rib injury in Hungary’s 4-0 defeat to the Netherlands last Friday, but shook it off in time to play in the return fixture in Amsterdam on Tuesday.

The 24-year-old winger has already 15 goals in the league, one more than his personal best of last season. His form, especially in recent weeks, has been highly impressive and it seems as though whenever PSV are in trouble he’ll be able to bail them out.

Following closely behind him on 13 goals is Ola Toivonen. The Swedish attacker has proven that not every player is struck down by ‘second season syndrome’, continuing the same good form that made him an instant hit after arriving from Malmö FF in the summer of 2009 for a fee of around €4.5 million.

Yet in a week where he’s received a four match ban from the Dutch FA after an altercation (and that’s putting it politely) with a referee in a friendly game last week, his temperament is still questionable.

Fortunately for Rutten, the ban only applies to friendly games so he can still feature in PSV’s league fixtures. Unluckily for Rutten, Toivonen tore his hamstring in training with Wednesday meaning he’ll be out of Saturday’s match – and maybe more than three afterwards…

One player who could have an impact is 23-year-old forward Jeremain Lens, who has hit the ground running in his début season at the club, with the potential he displayed during his time with AZ fast turning into the real thing at PSV.

In a move that underlines exactly how seriously PSV are treating the game, Rutten has decided Friday’s training season – which is normally open to the public – will take part behind closed doors.

To avenge their early season defeat (above), PSV will need to do something they haven’t done in six years - win in Enschede. Their last victory in 2005 came courtesy of a goal from their ex-captain and now-Barcelona player Ibrahim Afellay (below).

However, if the run of draws between the sides at De Grolsch Veste continues (the last three meetings have been 1-1, 1-1 and 0-0) then this could open the door for Ajax to possibly resurrect their faltering league ambitions, with the gap down to four points.

But in all probability it will be seven years without being crowned champions for the Amsterdam outfit - their longest run without a title since the 1960’s - and with a boardroom revolution rumbling on in the background there could be yet more uncertain times ahead for one the giants of Dutch football.

This weekend Ajax host one of the surprise packages of the season - Heracles Almelo. With four straight wins and 20 goals scored in their last six, they could very well fancy their chances against an Ajax side still without first choice keeper Maarten Stekelenburg – out with a broken thumb - and one half of their first choice centre-back partnership in Toby Alderweireld – unlikely to feature too heavily in the battle for the Europa League playoff spots having been ruled out for six weeks with a hamstring injury earlier this week.

AZ Alkmaar - currently in fourth place - travel to De Kuip to face a resurgent Feyenoord side who many thought would be more likely to be contesting a relegation battle, given their awful early-season form.

Despite a 3-0 loss away to Roda JC before the international break, Feyenoord have picked up since late February, with youngsters Georginio Wijnaldum, Luc Castaignos and Arsenal loanee Ryo Miyaichi all coming to the fore.

And just behind AZ in fifth are ADO Den Haag - another of the season’s surprise packages - will visit FC Utrecht, who have fallen by the wayside after a promising start to the season, but still can reach the play-off spots.

It’s a far cry from the business end of recent seasons for Den Haag, who are more used to being involved in relegation battles than pushes for Europe. The work of coach John van den Brom in his first season at the Kyocera Stadion is certainly worthy of the manager of the season accolade.

Zero tolerance for zero tolerance

2011-03-24T12:50:00Z

Champions magazine editor Paul Simpson has a few questions...

Life is full of questions. Why do so many offers on TV ads not apply to people in Northern Ireland – and what does it do to the Northern Irish psyche to be continuously taunted by promotions for bargains they can’t take advantage of?

Why have 10 clubs in the Bundesliga, a league once deemed a paragon of strategic, long term thinking, either changed or said they will change their coach this season?

And when Sepp Blatter says he has a zero tolerance policy on corruption, does that mean the FIFA president intends to do anything about it?

I must admit I have zero tolerance for zero tolerance policies. They smack too much of Jerry Seinfeld’s gag “I'm lactose intolerant – I have no patience for lactose”. The original zero tolerance policy, devised to fight crime in New Jersey by cracking down even on such minor misdemeanours as breaking windows, did succeed – but primarily because, studies later suggested, an economic boom meant there was less poverty and fewer unemployed.

What the idea of zero tolerance did very well – and yes, this does have something to do with Blatter, FIFA and football – was give citizens the false impression that this policy had cut crime dramatically. And is that the real beauty of FIFA’s zero tolerance policy on corruption? The mere fact that such a policy exists makes those of us who are too stupid, busy or disinterested to give the matter much thought believe something is being done.

And something is being done. Kind of. Two executive committee members were suspended after allegations they had sold their votes for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. But just before the controversial award of those tournaments, Blatter warned FIFA’s executive committee about the “evils of the media” – a barely veiled allusion to Panorama’s latest salvo at FIFA.

"Oi! Panorama! Shush!"

This sounded as if Sepp had devised his own variation on New Labour’s law enforcement policy. Instead of "tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime", Blatter was being tough on corruption and tough on those who had the gall to expose it. As defence mechanisms go, “shoot the messenger” is hardly innovative or new – it was first alluded to by Shakespeare in 1598 – but it is still surprisingly effective in certain circles.

THE COMMERCIAL LIE
All this sits rather oddly with Jerome Valcke’s elevation as FIFA’s general secretary. Valcke was criticised by a New York court for arranging a sponsorship deal with VISA which was deemed invalid because it broke a prior agreement to give Mastercard the first shot at sponsoring the 2010 and 2014 World Cups.

Valcke has called this affair the “biggest mistake of my life”. He especially regrets his remark in court that “In business you don’t always say the truth and you could describe that as a commercial lie.” His ruminations on the concept of a “commercial lie” slightly undermined his pitch when, as fury raged over the outcome of the 2018 and 2022 World Cup bids, he assured a sceptical media the whole process had been fair and honest.

Blatter and Valcke: "He's behind you…"

One of the great advantages of a zero tolerance policy is that you don’t have to do a lot with it. By saying “I have no tolerance for this” you give people the impression you are taking action even if you’re not. Blatter is the undisputed master of this technique. When a referee misses a blatant goal in a crucial World Cup match, Blatter is very good at nodding thoughtfully and saying that, yes, this is an issue that must be looked into and perhaps it is time to re-open the debate about goalline technology and conduct some tests.

Blatter knows full well that a media afflicted with professional attention deficit disorder will soon find another cause celebre and the whole vexed question of technological aids for referees (who are increasingly, as The Guardian amusingly noted, being sent on to the pitch to be humiliated like contestants in a particularly cruel Japanese game show) can be kept in abeyance.

THE BLATTER PRECEDENT
One day all dictators will behave like Sepp Blatter. This is not to suggest that the FIFA president is a dictator (he has had to confront one serious leadership challenge and now faces a semi-serious one) but that his shtick – the slightly inept avuncular globetrotter – would be the perfect mask behind which a despot could conceal their dark heart. His longevity has raised the intriguing prospect of a new brand of dictator – let’s call it Dictator Lite – much better suited to an internet-savvy, telegenic age than the old bad, mad and proud school of tyrant.

Blatter takes the world from predecessor Havelange

You may be wondering how we got to this point. I blame Sir Stanley Rous. His acquiescence to the idea that South Africa’s apartheid regime could field an all-white team in the 1966 World Cup and an all-black team in the 1970 prompted 16 African countries to boycott the 1966 tournament and led, in 1974, to his defeat by Joao Havelange in FIFA’s presidential election.

So Rous’s moral blindness begat Havelange who, after 24 years, begat Blatter whose qualifications for the job included a stint as the president of the World Society Of The Friends Of Suspenders, an organisation dedicated to persuading women not to stop wearing suspenders.

The question now is who will Blatter begat? Mohammed Bin Hammam in 2011 or Michel Platini in 2015?

Fiery cup semi-final could herald the dawn of a new Northeast rivalry

2011-03-22T14:27:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's man in the Northeast Kristan Heneage visits the frontline over a ferocious non-league derby

It’s 12:30 and I’m in the car park of a Durham sixth form College, a Geographical mid-point between today’s teams Gateshead and Darlington. I’m waiting for my lift to the weekend’s biggest game with Gateshead winger James Marwood, son of former Arsenal star Brian.

“Big day today, Wembley beckons.” are my first words as I get in the car, he acknowledges it as we pull away and get on the motorway. It’s good weather for a cup game - bright blue skies and a light breeze is in the air. I use our car journey to quiz James on what I missed in the first leg of this FA Trophy semifinal at the Reynolds Arena in a game that saw Darlington emerge 3-2 winners.

“The fans are great, it’s a huge game for us and the club.” he tells me. The nerves are clear to see, he even admits it. He starts the playlist entitled ‘Footie’ on his iPhone and an eclectic mix of Adele and Kanye West echoes round the car.

As we get closer to the stadium I can see clusters of fans from both teams. James remarks on the police presence and jokes about an appearance from Danny Dyer. This doesn’t feel like a normal match day for the team known as ‘The Heed’.

It’s around 2 o’clock and I’m at the back of the stand adjacent to the away end. A running track separates me from the pitch which is in surprisingly good condition this far into the season. The stadium is nice but you can tell it’s not tailor-made for football. I note my observations regarding the running track to Gateshead’s press officer who tells me “We’ve just got used to it”. After all the club are just enjoying being in the conference.

As I scribble down notes on Heed defender James Tavernier - on loan from Newcastle United - an audible cheer emanates from across the track as the Darlington players emerge. The Gateshead fans, not to be outdone, chant ‘Heed Army’ in a bid to silence the away side. These two may be conference sides but there’s nothing lower league about the warm up. Two lines of players re-enacting the pre match routine of any top European side with Darlington eerily mirroring them the other side of the halfway line.

A crowded media room means I’m forced to sit in the stands among the fans. It’s a wide-ranging mix, some wearing the new home shirt others choosing earlier incarnations of the kit, almost as if it were a badge of honour denoting they were here from the start. After all the club have been around since 1930.

Like something from a game in Eastern Europe one man looks to lead the chants of the singing section to my right. You’ll see no flares here though - much of the crowd look like youngsters after a Saturday jaunt. As they take a short break from singing a song about defender Jamie Curtis (not the True Lies actress) I hear the monotone drone of a vuvuzela.

As the stadium hits near capacity on both sides, over 5,000 cheer out the teams in anticipation of kick off. With Gateshead a goal down from the first leg they look to attack from the off. The first quarter of the game sees a lot Gateshead pressure but an inability to find that killer pass keeps the score at 0-0.

The rivalry is clear to see - and hear. Some rather ugly chants that marred the first leg resurface as the game unfolds.

The first major scare comes when Darlington almost deliver a sucker-punch after crashing a header onto the bar from a free kick. Gateshead race down the other end and, after some fantastic dribbling from former Darlington midfielder Adam Rundle, a cross-come-shot whizzes across the face of goal, a whisker away from being turned in to the net. The home crowd is starting to get impatient, they want that precious goal.

Chance after chance goes begging for Gateshead and it starts to feel like it might be one of those days for the home side. Half time comes and with it a rest for my hand. It’s been exciting but the game needs a goal, preferably a home one.

Ten minutes into the second half Darlington manager Mark Cooper looks to inject pace into his attack with Nathan Modest. Cooper’s men begin to take control of the game and Jamie Curtis is soon booked for scything down Modest. Just as it looks like Gateshead are losing their heads, the best chance of the game falls to striker and No.9 Jon Shaw. Through on goal, he hesitates for a split second allowing Darlington’s Ian Miller to put a saving tackle in that takes all of the sting from Shaw’s shot.

Despite the best efforts of the home fans the game begins to fizzle out. Long ball after long ball is swept up by the Darlington’s centre backs, with what they miss collected by sure handed Sam Russell. The goalkeeper’s handling has been fantastic all day as he gathers cross after cross.

In a bid to waste time, veteran Marc Bridge-Wilkinson - formerly of Port Vale and Bradford City - takes the ball into the corner, at which point he is tackled and falls to the ground like he’s had a disagreement with David Haye. The referee isn’t impressed and he makes a miraculous recovery shortly after.

Four minutes injury time and Darlington’s end is bouncing, they know it’s moments away and all the impetuous from Gateshead’s attack is gone. As the whistle goes the cup classic “Que Sera, Sera” is bellowed from the few thousand Quakers fans and the inevitable lower league pitch invasion begins. The Police, fully expecting it, form a hi-visibility wall and move up the pitch.

With the away fans making offensive gestures towards the locals, a bottle is flung from the home end. Gateshead's fans kindly remind the victors of their poor financial state, taunting them with chants of "You’re going bust in the summer."

As if in a bid to calm things down, Sigur Ros begins to play on the loudspeakers as the few remaining pitch invaders are ushered off. The frustration among the Gateshead fans is evident, with some arguing over tactics and team selection, while one steward's attempt to console a fan with a trite "It could be worse" are met with an angry response.

You get the feeling a bitter rivalry has been forged today.

The Picasso-esque, face-dancing, blooming idiotic Premier Preview

2011-03-18T16:10:00Z

Who cares about the Champions League anyway? We have the battle for next season’s Champions League to care about! And, uh, the Europa League - but we don’t talk about that any more in dear old Blighty - it's beneath us, isn't it...?

*cough*

Anyway, onwards!

SATURDAY

Spurs v West Ham (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

West Ham’s mini-Renaissance comes up against a stern test in their former manager’s Picasso-esque flair.

Incredibly for a team still in the relegation zone, the Hammers have scored three goals in each of their last three league games, including a sterling comeback away at West Brom and a fantastic win over Liverpool.

They won’t mind Spurs’ continuing injury woes in central defence, with Jonathan Woodgate and Ledley Kind obviously out and Younes Kaboul appearing to have disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Bale is likely to return for his first start in two months, but Robbie Keane is ineligible to face his parent club, not that he would anyway. It can’t be fun to see yourself behind Frederic Piquionne in the pecking, or indeed picking order.

At least some awkwardness in the centre circle before kick-off should be avoided. “All right, Robbie?” “Yes, thank you, Jermain. Enjoying your first-team place, are you, while I’m shipped out here?”

Actually, Defoe would probably feel his pain and move to Upton Park as well. Best keep them separated if you’re a Spurs fan.

What won’t happen: 0-0 draw

What will happen: Plenty of goals from both sides, finishing in a home win

"Sell it? I'm not a fackin' wheeler dealer!"

Aston Villa v Wolves (3pm)

The weekly pseudo-Midlands derby rolls round again, and it’s a game Wolves, unbeaten in three, will fancy taking a sneaky point from if Villa allow relegation nerves to get to them.

The Villans are just two points clear of the relegation zone despite being in 13th, due to the infathomably close bottom half.

And they won’t be helped in the team morale stakes by Richard Dunne and James Collins taking it in turns to shoot work experience students... no, wait, sorry, that wasn’t them. But they have been disciplined following “an incident” during a team bonding exercise at a health spa. The mind boggles.

It’s quite a good thing it boggles, too, as this blogger doesn’t want his mind turning to even contemplate James Collins in a Jacuzzi. *shudder*

What won’t happen: Neither Ashley Young nor Darren Bent to score – you’d put your house on it (if you had it up as collateral against a dodgy gang of gamblers, anyway)

What will happen: Wolves turn up and are unlucky to gain a draw

Blackburn v Blackpool (3pm)

Penny for your thoughts, Mr Kean?

Upon being appointed Big Sam’s successor, the Glaswegian was soon handed a hefty contract to stay at the club despite, and this is meant in the best possible way - like a husband telling his wife that maybe that dress doesn’t cover up the hunchback as much as she’d like, not really deserving it.

Now he’s under considerable pressure again, and with a defeat to chirpy travellers Blackpool, his position could be untenable before long.

Blackpool, meanwhile, are right in the cake mix after a memorable start to the season and, incredibly, could be in the relegation zone after the weekend, depending on results. Time to get that Ollie-led sing-song on the bus going – there must be some reason why they can win more away games than Manchester United.

What won’t happen: Ollie karaoke to kick off – a shame, given his hit rendition of Brand New Combine Harvester. Sorry, did I say ‘hit’? Typo, I do apologise

What will happen: Tough one to call. Blackburn have scored fewer goals at home than any team bar Wigan and Birmingham, but they should take a positive draw here

Manchester United v Bolton (3pm)

Rather than bore you with another rant about how this Lancashire hotpot should be on television and radio instead of inevitable snoozefest Everton v Fulham, we’ll take a look at United’s injury list, shall we? Deep breath...

Evans (ankle), Park (hamstring), Rafael (hamstring), O’Shea (hamstring), Vidic (calf), Anderson (knee), Hargreaves (knee), Lindegaard (knee), Fletcher (haggis poisoning), Ferdinand (Twitterer’s thumb) and Owen (destiny).

United win the crock battle, then, as Bolton will be missing a mere seven players through injury (Knight, O’Brien, Ricketts, Gardner, Samuel, Mark Davies and Sean Davis). But hey, Gretar Steinsson has been on the Vicks and should recover from a virus in time! These Icelanders are HARD.

Alex Ferguson will be sat alongside his crippled charges in the stands, as he begins his five-match touchline ban. Originally the bad was scheduled to begin after this match, but United's confirmation they would not appeal meant it could, and indeed would, start immediately - meaning the Scot will be back in time for the big league game against Arsenal.

Why on Earth was that allowed? Since when was a guilty man allowed to choose the timing of his sentence? Murderers on Death Row would love that: “Yes, I’ll take the injection, please, but in about 80 years if that’s all right with you.”

FA weakness, the strength of the Fergie mafia or both? Or a conspiracy theory spun out of a fairly innocuous shift in timetable? The decision is...well, Fergie’s.

What won’t happen: United to miss their manager much: he can actually do a lot from his position, including tactical changes

What will happen: This blogger’s head to be found in Rafa Benitez’s bed. And a home win

Stoke v Newcastle (3pm)

With 10 points from 12 taken at home since the New Year’s bunting was taken down, the Potters will fancy themselves to pot the Magpies, if indeed you can pot a Magpie (a pot pie, maybe - ed).

To be sure, it’s the battle for 11th place that will keep the fans streaming through the turnstiles.

Joey Barton is having a late fitness test, which apparently involves him headbutting a wall to see if he bleeds.

What won’t happen: Finishes to free-flowing football from a striker-depleted Newcastle side

What will happen: Stoke miss the back-knackered John Carew and stutter to a draw

West Brom v Arsenal (3pm, Absolute Radio)

At the start of the season this would have been an open, end-to-end, attacking game with both sides passing, moving and generally running around a bit.

But that wasn’t working for West Brom, and so it’s down to Roy Hodgson to get a valued point from a tough fixture against Arsenal. Well, it’s not like he’ll be going for the win, is it?

The Baggies will definitely miss the creativity of Dorrans, the thumping might of Mulumbu and the goals of Vela, who is ineligible to play against Arsenal. League-tied, if you will.

What won’t happen: West Brom to win, draw or score a goal

What will happen: An early goal for the visitors: they excel in putting the opposition under early pressure and Wubbah (as this blogger is now calling WBA) have conceded more goals in the opening quarter of an hour than any other Prem team this season

Wigan v Birmingham (3pm)

It’s time for Wigan to win games if they’re to stay in the Best League in the Universe™. Another bad couple of weeks and they could be the first team to slip away, as one always does – they’re already four points adrift of safety-placed Birmingham, who have a game in hand.

It may be a case of attack vs defence as they seek to use their home advantage against a cautious Birmingham. It may also be a bit demoralising, though, to come back from a mid-season break in La Manga to a crowd of three at the DW Stadium.

The Blues are still likely to be without GiantSerbNikolaZigic and TitchyLoutLeeBowyer, but the highly underrated Stephen Carr is back – as are Martins, Gardner, Ferguson and Roger Johnson. There are few injury worries for either team, really

What won’t happen: OK, three people to turn up. Maybe half a dozen

What will happen: Wigan begin to save themselves/delay the inevitable with a win against their relegation rivals

Everton v Fulham (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

When we said snoozefest earlier, we meant it. Sure, it’s a fascinating battle for mid-table between two teams pushing for little more than a top-half finish, but Fulham have drawn no fewer than eight of their 14 away games this season – and they weren’t 4-4 goalfests...

What won’t happen: Mohamed Al Fayed’s statue of Michael Jackson to be built in time for the match, become possessed by demons and stagger around Craven Cottage looking for the family area

What will happen: Certainly not a 'Thriller' (lol). Bore sore snore draw.

"Yes, I'd like to buy Brede Hangeland's skeleton, please..."

SUNDAY

Sunderland v Liverpool (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

You can expect Sky Sports to show more than one clip of a certain beach ball incident, but the interest here lies in Asamoah Gyan meeting Luis Suarez after that unhappy World Cup incident. Expect that one to be feisty. Maybe Gyan will dance in the Uruguayan’s face if he scores.

Liverpool face the very real prospect of no European football next year, which can, of course, be blamed entirely on Roy Hodsgon (that’s what he’s there for). All the more incentive to win here, then, and keep up their late charge for fifth. Afraid fourth is about as likely as Kenny Dalglish taking elocution lessons.

For Sunderland, Lee Cattermole is expected to return in time to be sent off after five minutes.

What won’t happen: Gyan to punch the ball off the line

What will happen: Gyan to punch Suarez off the line. Home win

Chelsea v Manchester City (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

What is surely a battle for third will be very confusing for fourth-place-hunting Spurs fans, who won’t know whether to pray for a draw or support one side in the hope one team will steamroller away into the third with the other flattened in fifth.

Speaking of steamrollers, Alex may return at long last to the Chelsea defence, adding the steel to allow Ivanovic to replace the flighty Bosingwa at right-back. Not sure his knee is up to taking another thundering free-kick though – his leg might fall off altogether.

Adam Johnson is available for Citeh having recovered from an ankle niggle, while Mario Balotelli is likely to be left out for being, let’s face it, a blooming idiot.

What won’t happen: Balotelli, with a ridiculous eight yellow cards and two reds in 15 City starts, to add to that tally at Stamford Bridge

What will happen: Chelsea’s good form continues over a shaky City and – shock horror – Torres even scores

How to show support for Japan – with John Denver and Twisted Sister

2011-03-17T23:15:00Z

The ongoing Japanese disaster is a matter much bigger than football, but three fans have set up a very interesting tribute aimed at British fans, clubs – and fans of esoteric music.

There are four J-League teams based in the tsunami-hit area: Vegalta Sendai, Montedio Yamagata, Mito HollyHock and Kashima Antlers. As you'll soon see, fans of the first-named team have taken to singing a couple of (to British sensibilities) unusual terrace anthems.

Before the earthquake and tsunami, the Sendai Stadium would regularly rock to the sound of the Vegalta fans singing their two favourite songs. Watch the videos to see – and hear. Firstly, they would sing the club theme tune – which is, for reasons unfathomable, John Denver's Take Me Home, Country Roads:

The other fan favourite is Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It – here they are belting it out at an away game:

Now, you may ask why Vegalta's club anthem is a 1971 hit by a toothsome US folky guitar-botherer, or why the fans love to sing a slice of mid-80s moralist-irking poodle-rock. You might ask the same of Stoke supporters singing a 1968 Tom Jones hit about murder (Delilah), Bristol Rovers fans and their suicidal 1932 Leadbelly waltz (Goodnight Irene) or Liverpool and Celtic fans adopting a 1945 showtune about the death of a carousel worker turned botched bank robber (You'll Never Walk Alone).

The point is that fans sing songs, the songs represent the club, and in this case, the club is in trouble. According to reports from Japan, Vegalta's stadium in disaster-wracked Sendai has been virtually destroyed and their overseas players and foreign manager have been advised to return home to their respective countries.

Meanwhile, we don't know what has become of the fans in the videos above. We don't know how many of them have homes to go back to, whether down country roads or otherwise. We don't know how many are still alive. And that's the human face of a tragedy we have all watched unfold from afar on 24-hour rolling TV news. They were football fans, like you and me.

That has prompted three J-League fans to contact every British team playing at home this weekend, asking them to play one or other of the songs before the game or at half-time, simply to show solidarity with football fans who may have lost much more than a game.

So if your team is playing at home this weekend, why not get in touch with the club and ask? It can't hurt. Spread the word on your favourite forum. Get others asking the club, too. It's not a charity bucket, it won't change the world, but it's a show of support. That is, after all, what we fans do.

Umbro 1350: Is tattoo culture the ultimate outlet for the pros?

2011-03-14T09:30:00Z

Just because you’re a professional footballer, doesn’t mean you can always go out and do the things you want to do. This certainly applies to England striker Darren Bent – currently stuck living in a hotel after his career and life were caught up in the whirlwind of a surprise January transfer window move to Aston Villa.

As such he’s been unable to involve himself in two of his major passions in recent weeks. The first, perhaps unsurprisingly for a modern day footballer, is playing Call of Duty on his Xbox 360 – Bent tells us he is unable to access Xbox live from his room. The second is another common interest among many young pros – tattoos.

“I'd like to get some more done if possible but obviously since I came to Birmingham, it's been 100mph and I’ve not really had a chance” Darren tells us. “I’ll start thinking about it again soon.”

Umbro’s 1350 concept focuses on the 1350 minutes of the day outside the 90 of the match and how the players look to express themselves during their time away from the pitch. Players, like fans, like to do this in a creative and committed way – and how better than to embrace tattoo culture? Darren Bent certainly agrees.

“I probably got my first tattoo when I was 16, it was a cross on my left arm. Since then I've had my whole right arm done, the right side of my ribs, my right thigh.”

But the ink is more than just a fashion accessory – Bent tells us there is a far deeper meaning to some of his tattoos than just looking cool. “I like the way they look, but most of my tattoos are inspired by my Grandma - she's the one who came out with all these religious phrases when I was younger” he explains. “I used to go down the shops with her every Sunday and would give me all this advice and a lot of the tattoos stem from that, really – they’re things I like to remind myself of. They’re pretty personal.”

Despite this emotional element, Darren denies a rumour that he attempted to get over the dejection of being left out of England’s World Cup squad - despite being the top English Premier League goal scorer - by jetting of to Los Angeles for a consolatory inking. “Nah, it’s not true. I did go out there straight away, but I didn’t go just to get tattoos, although I did get some out there.

Going under the needle can be a painful experience, especially when work is being done on an area of skin particularly close to the bone. But is it more to fear that a clobbering from one of the Premier League’s more imposing centre backs? “Getting clattered by a centre-back is bad - but getting my ribs done was the worse pain I've ever felt in my life! Fortunately it healed up before any defenders had the chance to give it a whack. But when I was sat there getting it done, it was awful. It was so painful.”

“One of my old team-mates up at Sunderland went to have a tattoo done on his back, but he said the pain was so excruciating that he couldn’t get it finished. Fortunately for him, because he admitted what had happened, he didn't get that much stick. It didn't look the best - you could tell that it was unfinished if you knew the first thing about tattoos and got a close enough look at it - but he could at least cover it up.”

A lucky escape, perhaps - but nobody wants to not look the part. Umbro 1350 seeks to provide the same advantageous craft and insight to players away from the pitch as they get from their sportswear. After all - after the 90, there are still 1350 minutes left to play.

Of course, with tattoos things don’t always go to plan - fifteen years ago it was the fans who were getting themselves tainted with terrible tatts - with one Newcastle fan infamously getting Andy Cole etched into his calf just days before Kevin Keegan sold the striker to Manchester United - however with so many players now going under the needle, there have been some inevitable disasters.

Who could forget the England megastar with the title of a Stereophonics album written on his forearm, the eccentric Irishman with angel wings resembling shag carpet across his back, or the former Wales international with the Armani logo stamped on his bicep?

“So many players have them now, there are a lot of bad ones pick from,” says Darren. “But the worst one I've seen was on a friend of mine. He’s got a big crown tattooed on his neck. I was there when he was getting it done and I just remember thinking 'why are you getting in done?!' He's also got one of a guy pointing a gun on his arm. They're the worst ones I've seen.” (FFT asks whether said friend is a certain regal-sounding Milan-based Ghana international - Darren’s laughter says it all…)

During his time with Tottenham, Darren was one of the first footballers to visit the North London tattoo parlour of Lal Hardy. Upon his return to Spurs training ground, his teammates were so impressed with his new work – Mary holding rosary beads – that they immediately wanted the name of the artist.

“I went there, and used Lal and he was really, really good. A few of the guys liked the work so, they were like 'where'd you get it done?' And I sent them along to see him. Lal is a Spurs fan and a really nice guy, but he was booked up for months and months and months. But because he was a Spurs fan, he did us all a favour and several of us went along. All the guys went in there and got their tattoos done – I think six of us went along at once at one point.”

As FFT speaks to Bent, he’s sat in one of the country’s most famous golf clubs – judging from the rate at which heavily tattooed players have become more commonplace in recent years, it seems as though getting inked may be about to take over swinging a nine-iron as professional footballers’ number one pastime.

As the original creator of Sportswear and the world’s football culture brand, Umbro invests as much tailoring skill and football insight in creating their Sportswear apparel as their performance kits. Wherever they are, whatever they’re doing, it’s always about the game and Umbro Sportswear, inspired by the 90 minutes on the pitch, is perfectly tailored for the 1350 minutes off it. For further information about Diamond Icons and Umbro 1350 visit www.umbro.com

Sunderland at a crossroads, on the park and at the bank

2011-03-10T15:05:00Z

The Black Cats' path could go either way, reports Kristan Heneage

You'll struggle to find a Sunderland fan that isn't happy with the season so far. They are currently sitting in the top half with their new dancing/striking sensation Asamoah Gyan taking to the league like the metaphorical duck to water.

Even the sale of Darren Bent hasn't dampened spirits too much. The £24m fee they received represents a record for the club. Sunderland's fans will be buoyed by the news that the money will be re-invested on the back of some audacious promises from Steve Bruce, who has claimed that he will break their current transfer records.

Nevertheless, the first real bump came with the announcement of the club's accounts, which made for scary reading. The wage bill saw a rise in addition to a recorded £27 million loss. Sunderland could be in real trouble if Ellis Short decides not to invest more money.

FOOTBALL RICH LIST Ellis Short: 15th richest man in UK football

It must be noted that the accounts came without the inclusion of money from Darren Bent's sale; nevertheless the fee is paid in instalments, with money owed to Tottenham in the form of a sell on clause.

With an average attendance of around 37,000 fans, the time to grow is now. However in the modern game, financial growth is not as easy as just saying it. Local rivals Newcastle benefit from a good recent history competing in the UEFA Cup and further back the Champions League. This has allowed them to become a well established name abroad but even they have looked to cut costs and restructure their wages.

Matters haven't been helped by Niall Quinn urging fans to stop watching games in pubs. His words garnered a largely negative response from the Black Cats faithful, with many seeing the comments as out of touch. Quinn is struggling to play the businessman with the fans because of his strong allegiance to the club, with many supporters seeing him as one of them.

Even if the club were to sell out the Stadium of Light every week, the money earned would not increase dramatically enough to cover the financial short fall elsewhere. To maintain growth and be a consistent top half side, they will need the investment of Ellis Short, a man who up to now has kept his cards very close to his chest. Many forget that the signing of Asamoah Gyan for £13 million was off set by the sale of Kenwyne Jones to Stoke for £8 million.

Quinn and Short: Singing from the same hymn sheet?

The January signings of Stéphane Sessegnon and Sulley Muntari were a significant statement of intent. That said, the news that the latter took a 40% pay cut will please the financially conscious among Sunderland fans, who will want to avoid a fate similar to Muntari's last Premier League club Portsmouth.

After all, Portsmouth showed that for long term results, growth must be steady. Spending beyond your means is a dangerous business and a rapid rise like Manchester City's is rare but also risky as the club is then at the mercy of its rich financiers.

The other option available to Sunderland is growth through sales. Everton, Aston Villa and (whisper it) Newcastle have all sold players for large fees in order to finance improvements on the squad. Jordan Henderson has already been linked with a £15 million move south to Chelsea. Players like Martyn Waghorn and Grant Leadbitter are both former academy graduates that generated the club good money from moves to Leicester and Ipswich respectively.

Exciting prospects like Jack Colback, David Meyler and Billy Knott, the latter of whom was recently called up to the first team squad, reflects the club's new focus on youth development. They have become recognized as one of the youngest squads in the league, proven by the fact the average age of their team against Liverpool at Anfield this season was just over 24.

Thankfully for Sunderland, under Steve Bruce, even the club's poor signings have been cheap – unlike those signed under the tenure of Roy Keane, who openly admitted he regretted certain transfers days after completion.

The 'Three Amigos' – Argentine Marcos Angeleri and Paraguayan's Paulo Da Silva and Cristian Riveros – all arrived on Wearside for a total of under £5 million. Their probable departure will most likely see the club break even or record a small profit, making it not a completely wasted exercise.

It is without doubt that Sunderland's squad, much like Newcastle's, requires reinforcements come the summer. At the same time it will allow for a better gauge of the route they intend to take to progress in the league. Yet in the long term it still remains to be seen if an expensive summer for the Black Cats will leave the club counting the costs further down the line.

Can you name the Football League Perfect 46?

2011-03-09T13:32:00Z

The new FourFourTwo is in part our annual giant celebration of the Football League, including the Football League Awards. (It's out now – details here.)

However, we've also produced a supplement in which we've asked fans of every one of the 72 League teams, from Accrington to Yeovil, to name their club's all-time Perfect XI. The answers we got – from diehard fans, from celebrity fans, and indeed from diehard celebrity fans – were so interesting that we thought we'd make some online competition fun out of it.

Firstly, in association with npower, you could win a 2011/12 season ticket to the Football League club of your choice. All you have to do is fill in your very own Perfect XI and you'll be entered into a prize draw.

In addition, we're also loving the cover so much that we thought we'd make a quiz out of it. Pictured below is the supplement cover, featuring a panoply of classic players from down the years. But how many can you name?

When you've jotted down as many as you can get, check the answers via the link below the image – and, if you like, let us know how you got on. (Serious face alert) This bit is NOT a competition, it's good old-fashioned fun.

(Please note: the supplement is only available in England. Blame the recession.)

Click here to see the answers

Is this how to deal with streakers?

2011-03-08T09:28:00Z

Safe-for-work streaker action now, as a mankini-wearing Borat impersonator invades the pitch at Havant & Waterlooville v Dorchester. After the usual larking about, odd things start to happen. But are they right?

(Thanks to James Maw for spotting this, despite being on his holidays. If you spot something you think might be of interest, tweet it to us)

Mourinho, Seedorf, Diouf, Luiz and the entire Football League

2011-03-07T16:14:00Z

We know you love FourFourTwo.com, in all its online glory. But don’t miss out on having the April edition of FourFourTwo magazine in your delighted fingers.

As usual we have features aplenty, but there are two biggies in particular we just can’t wait to tell you about...

Mourinho vs Madrid
It’s civil war at the Bernabeu – and that’s before Barça come to play. Can Jose Mourinho unite a divided team before next month’s clasico? Do the club’s suits back him? And does he really have six weeks to save his skin? We go inside Real Madrid to find out.

FourFourTwo goes Football League crazy!
It's that time of year again, so tuck into our Football League Awards 2011. We’ve chosen the best of the best on the pitch, in the dugout and behind the kitchen counter – yes, with your help, even the humble half-time pie gets an award ceremony. You’ve helped us to choose the best grounds and fans, too, while we also speak exclusively to Adel Taarabt, Eddie Howe, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and many more.

And that’s not all! In our very special supplement, there are another 72 reasons to read as we reveal the all-time Perfect XIs for every team in the Football League, from Accrington to Yeovil, as chosen by club experts. It’s the biggest pub debate in the land: no subs, no excuses, just 11 names on a team-sheet with a man in charge. Let the arguing commence...

David Luiz exclusive interview
Meanwhile in the top flight, we speak exclusively to Chelsea newcomer David Luiz, the most exciting defensive prospect in the Premier League since Philippe Albert. Why London? Why so attacking? And why, oh why, the hair?

Stirling Albion Meerkats!
We’ve also sent some hardy souls north of the border to investigate the biggest nutters in Scottish football: Stirling Albion. The fan-owned club is opened up for all to see – including a potential deal to call themselves the Stirling Albion Meerkats...

Action Replay: Andy Gray
...and while we’re talking Tartan, we take a retrospective look at Andy Gray: the player. Once upon a time, you know, he did his outlandish talking on the pitch.

One-on-One: Clarence Seedorf
Clarence Seedorf was in a good mood as we told him we fancied a chat. The classy Dutchman answers your questions on everything from the Champions League to David Beckham to Nigel de Jong’s tackle in the 2010 World Cup Final. We felt the wrath flow there.

El-Hadji Diouf: hero or villain?
Even scarier was the prospect of talking to El-Hadji Diouf, but despite what Celtic fans may think, he’s a pussycat really. But don’t believe us – read his own spectacular words in FourFourTwo.

In putting together this almighty issue and supplement, FourFourTwo spoke to... Wayne Rooney, Joe Hart, Sergio Aguero, Paul Dickov, Mark Bright, Jay Bothroyd, Clarence Seedorf, Lewis McGugan, Elliott Bennett, Jim McLean, Emmerson Boyce, David Luiz, Brian Little, Santiago Canizares, Jay DeMerit, Robbie Simpson, Mitch Cook, Chris Waddle, Stuart Pearce, John Barnwell, Martyn Corrigan, El-Hadji Diouf, Graeme Sharp, Steve McManaman, Peter Reid, Jordan Pavett, Danny Green, Rob Earnshaw, Marcel Desailly, Adam le Fondre, Michel Salgado, Gordon Strachan, Jack Rodwell, Gabriel Zakuani, Brian McDermott, Gary Mabbutt, Adel Taarabt, Kevin-Prince Boateng, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Jim Beglin and club experts across the Football League.

The Transformers-sounding, 'touch and go' Premier Preview

2011-03-04T14:16:00Z

What a great weekend for English top-flight football, cracking fixtures, anything could happen, etc. etc.

No, seriously, if this blogger had to recommend one weekend of the Premier League season for you to watch as closely as possible, this would be right up there. Right up there. Probably about fifth – ultimately failing to qualify for the Football Weekend Champions League.

Frankly, if you miss out you’re either mad or busy.

SATURDAY

Birmingham v West Brom (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

It’s the weekly Midlands pseudo-derby! And here’s your host: the Carling Cup champions, 2011.

Hope is a powerful thing, as the Blues proved, so with any luck the hope that the game, and tournament, will be remembered for Birmingham’s glory rather than Arsenal’s shame will infiltrate the common psyche. To quote many a person the day after the final, “Did you see the Arsenal game last night?” Sigh.

Playing West Brom isn’t much of a comedown, though, as despite the FA Cup run, Birmingham’s survival instinct will now be kicking in. They have two games in hand over their relegation rivals so this doesn’t count as a must-win, but anything fewer than three points will be seen as a disappointment.

Well, not two points. That would be seen as a miracle – almost as big a miracle as an away win for a side with a manager who has recorded just 13 victories on the road in six seasons as a Premier League manager.

What won’t happen: West Brom’s first Premier League win at St Andrews, as the home side are boosted by returns from Hleb ‘n’ Gardner

What will happen: A stonking draw…no wait, home win [decisive as ever – ed]

Arsenal v Sunderland (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

The good news for Arsenal fans is that we’ve done the Carling Cup talk now, but the bad news is that Laurent Koscielny should recover from a hamstring injury in time to have another nice little on-field barney with Shezza (so much easier to spell).

Alex Song and Cesc Fabregas are out but, according to the BBC, remain “touch and go” for the Barcelona game, which should suit their style of play nicely.

Have we made that joke before? Sorry. Aaron Ramsey may feature on the bench, if that’s any help.

Fillet Mignolet will continue to play between the sticks for Sunderland.

What won’t happen: Wojciech Szczesny or Laurent Koscielny to ‘leave it’ when the ball bounces into the six-yard box.

What will happen: Draw? Get outta here! Yep, draw. Sorry, this blog’s getting a bit schizophrenic

Bolton v Aston Villa (3pm)

Remember when it’d be Villa challenging for Europe and Bolton battling relegation? How times change, and as the Premier League puts its dang down, flips it and reverses it, you wonder if Gerard Houllier will see out the year.

Playing a weakened team against Manchester City in the FA Cup was, in short, a bad idea. There was nothing to gain from it except staving off injuries and, with three days between fixtures, Villa’s relatively fit side should have been able to play both.

They’ll have a stronger XI out for this game (though Richard Dunne will be missing for a month – milk cartons at the ready), but it may not be enough against an impressive Bolton outfit, and an even more impressive Bolton team wearing it.

What won’t happen: Anything but a home win, even counting Ashley Young’s habit of scoring against Bolton (five in five now)

What will happen: Some makeshift defending from the Trotters as David Wheater is stretchered off with elephantism. Look, someone has to diagnose it

Sell by April 18th? But the transfer window will be closed...?

Fulham v Blackburn (3pm)

Fixture of the week this ain’t, but it is an intriguing match-up simply because it’ll be interesting to see what handshake controversy Mark Hughes has on the cards. Steve Kean won’t mind: his profile needs raising a bit. Maybe he should spit on his hand as he approaches the Welshman, and see Hughes recoil in horror.

What won’t happen: Chris Samba to return the starting XI as a striker – those days are gone, right?

What will happen: Away win? Yeah, go on then – though Dempsey scores his fifth goal in five games against Blackburn

Newcastle v Everton (3pm)

Ryan Taylor will not be playing because he’s banned. Ryan Taylor’s band will be playing. Ryan Taylor’s band is banned because he is not playing. Playing is banned because Ryan Taylor is in a band. A band is playing because Ryan Taylor is banned. Playing. Banned. Ryan. Band. Taylor. Banned. Banned. Banned.

What won’t happen: The league is so close that Everton, two places above the drop zone last week, could move into the top half with a win. They won’t, though.

What will happen: Draw, as the Merseysiders continue to chase their first St James win since the year 2000

West Ham v Stoke (3pm, Absolute Radio)

A massive game for West Ham, this, as they have a genuine chance of taking points from a tough-to-beat team. Stoke don’t travel well – just the 10 of their 34 points this season have come away from home – but they’re resilient and what the Hammers don’t do well is battle to a victory they don’t deserve.

This fixture, admirably covered by a radio station this blogger is in danger of plugging too much, but kudos to them anyway, could depend entirely on how well West Ham start - which is usually badly. Never mind.

What won’t happen: A returning Kieron Dyer to play 90 minutes, and a currently injured Robbie Keane to ever play 90 Premier League minutes every again, either in one game or accumulatively. Top tip: he’ll be back in the SPL next season

What will happen: Stoke to be boosted by Jermaine Pennant’s return, and grab a useful draw. If he doesn’t play, they’ll probably draw anyway

Manchester City v Wigan (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

After their red rivals’ demolition of the Latics last week, it’s the turn of Mancini’s City to show what they can do against the same unfancied opposition. Prepare yourselves for a barnstorming 1-0 home win.

City will, of course, be without Kolo Toure, who has been suspended by the club after his A-sample tested positive for a specified substance.

What won’t happen: An upset, I’m afraid, upset fans

What will happen: Home win

SUNDAY

Liverpool v Manchester United (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Because clichés are fun (and easy), we’ll go right ahead and say games don’t come bigger than this. Sure, it may not be a head-to-head title decider as it was a few years ago, but the result will have massive connotations for both clubs.

Just pity the poor ref in the middle of it.

Whether Fergie will actually be forced to serve a touchline ban for his post-match ramblings at Stamford Bridge on Tuesday remains to be seen, but remember he has a suspended two-match ban already hanging over his head so if he does, it could be as many as four matches in the stands. In the meantime, he's refusing to talk to 'the media' - including Manchester United's in-house television station, MUTV.

It won’t be.

"Tell the swines I'm not talking to them..."

The Transformers-sounding adductor injury has hit Liverpool hard, with Danny Agger and Fabio Aurelio both in a race (not with each other, you understand) to return in time. Raul Meireles should be fit, though, which is good news for Kop-outs – sorry, Kop-ites.

Whether the 3-5-2 wing-back system will work against a team so strong through the middle will be a key issue of a fascinating tactical battle, but with Kelly injured, Glen Johnson will at least be in his more natural position on the right. Aurelio will play at left-wing-back if fit; if not, uh...Paul Konchesky? Come back!

What won’t happen: Nemanja Vidic to feature as he’s banned, but at least he won’t have to continue his horrible record against Liverpool’s Fernando Torr... oh.

What will happen: United bounce back in style with an away win over their most hated of rivals. Expect Gary Neville to be yelling a few things from the stands.

Wolves v Spurs (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

From the league and from the Champions League places respectively, both teams look the most likely candidates for being squeezed out like...well, let’s not finish that analogy.

It’s fair to say that given their recent record against Spurs, Wolves will be disappointed not to win, and given Wolves’ general calibre, Spurs’ will feel the same way if they fail too. At least Jamie O’Hara is ineligible to score against his parent club.

He’s ineligible to play, too, by the way: it’s not like he’s permitted to wander around for 90 minutes on the proviso he doesn’t score or set anyone up. But since you ask, Tottenham’s own Jermain Defoe has been playing under this rule for six months now (heigh-o!).

What won’t happen: The Wolves win everyone seems to be predicting, but it will be two dropped points for Spurs

What will happen: A touching tribute to Dean Richards, who played for both clubs but sadly passed away last week at the appallingly young age of 36

MONDAY

Blackpool v Chelsea (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Blackpool minus Charlie Adam = argh. Blackpool minus Charlie Adam and DJ Campbell = aaaaaarrrrgh. Blackpool minus Charlie Adam and DJ Campbell while playing against resurgent champions... well, you get the idea.

Chelsea may have turned a corner with that win over Manchester United, fortuitous though it was. They’re the games you need to win, against title-chasers when you’re not at your best. The Blues basically out-United United.

David Luiz looks an exciting prospect, although someone should remind him he’s a defender and that sometimes he should defend. Fernando Torres looked improved, too. Finally, some good news for the London side. A win here should help even more, especially if they can increase the gap over Spurs.

What won’t happen: Luiz scores three at each end

What will happen: Blackpool win and Ian Holloway dances naked through the streets

It's a Nickname Knock-out: The Finals

2011-03-02T11:13:00Z

After some fascinating results in the First Round of the one-off Nicknames Knockout tournament, it’s on to Round 2... and 3, 4, 5 and 6, also known as the last 16, quarter-finals, semis and final.

For reasons best known to themselves, the FA pack five rounds of football into one day, and so it’s only right our round-up should do the same.
Strap yourselves in.

ROUND 2
And it’s a marquee fixture straight up, with a hotly anticipated match that many pundits expected to be the final. See where no seeding gets you?

Anyway, the Lions and the Tigers go head-to-head in the inaccurately billed ‘Rumble In The Jungle’ (lions don’t live in jungles). Still, Sky insist and the match takes place in the jungle, helping the Tigers to use their home advantage, because LIONS DON’T LIVE IN JUNGLES.

There’s more animal magic as the Bulls progress into the last 16 with a win over the Tractor Boys. The youngsters are brave but not brave enough, ultimately fleeing over Gutless Gate and through Fainthearted Forest into Disqualification Nation.

The Us are overwhelmingly thankful not to be trapped on a playing field with the Rams, but don’t fare much better against the Pirates, who are just as randy and twice as dirty. The Rams face the Saints instead, and are very much on the wrong side in this battle of faiths, with the unclean animals banished from the competition just as they were from the ark. (It’s football, history and religious studies all rolled into one – what more do you want?)

Black Cats may have the supernatural advantage but they’re no match for the dashing Valiants, who continue to win the neutrals’ hearts with their bravery and good looks. Sigh...

Elsewhere there are easy wins for the Red Devils over the Bantams and the Villans over the Canaries, ruthlessly strangled without mercy (or, indeed, ruth). It’s a harsh exit for the Canaries, but this is what happens when you rely almost entirely on being drawn against the Black Cats and having an old lady nearby to bash them with a rolling pin. Still, it isn’t a nice way to go.

You have to feel sorry for the Chairboys, too, clearly making up the numbers and massively out of their depth at this level. Their heroic defeat of the Saddlers in the first round isn’t followed up with a victory over the Hornets, who do the business with minimum fuss but a lot of buzz.

Posh v Dons is a scholarly affair as dull as it is elitist, with the Posh eventually prevailing due to extra funding. The Grecians come bearing impressive footballing gifts, but many an arm is broken as they fall to the psychopathic Swans.

Just as violent is the Seagulls’ destruction of the Baggies, whose attempt to take the game and “bag it up”, as Geri Halliwell might say, ends in disaster as the Seagulls simply peck their way out with their massive, massive beaks.

Even birdier games follow. Magpies v Eagles is almost literally a match made in heaven, a real aerial battle. The Eagles win due to being about three times the size of their opponents and better at coping with high altitudes, though the Magpies do thieve their valuables from the changing rooms.

Magpies v Eagles: "Leg it!"

Luckily for the Owls, the match does not take place on the Colombian stamping ground of an impatient nutjob, and they threaten for most of their game against the Hammers. But after half an hour of frantic flapping and swooping, they meet a messy end. Ouch.

NEWS WITH VIDEO: Colombian player boots stricken owl off pitch

There are bizarre scenes in London as the Gunners and the Shots both look threatening, but the Gunners lack shots and the Shots lack a shooter. As a result, nobody does anything. After an ultimately unsatisfying draw, the Gunners finally find some ammunition and win the shootout (boom boom!).

Surprise last-32 participants the Rs become uninvited last 16-guests after a highly controversial win over the popular Shrimpers. Their strategy? Simple: send two Rs in undercover to the Shrimpers and bring them down from within. Cunning.

But the biggest shock of the round comes as the Shakers defeat the Daggers with their patented shaking tactics, moving too much for the Daggers to pin them down and eventually shaking them down into a fumbling, crying mess. “They were everywhere,” weeps the captain of the losing side, who had been tipped for the top. “It was more than we could shake a stick at, let alone a dagger. The shaking...oh God, the shaking.”

LAST 16
By now the crowds are slinking away to watch some real football, and teams and organisers are doing all they can to entertain. They’re pulling out all the stops – bad news for the Gunners, who, with their safety catches off, accidentally off themselves during shooting practice. Still, the Valiants don’t mind, waltzing into the quarter-finals to the delight of the swooning crowd.

There are colourful scenes in East Anglia, at least, as the Posh get a nasty bout of food poisoning having had the Swans right where they wanted them up until the last minute. The indigestible Swans play havoc with the Posh's insides and make an unexpected comeback through the gullet.

The Pirates are made to regret some heavy drinking the night before as Seagulls descend on them right on time, evading swords, gunshots and flying rum bottles to peck out eyeballs as if they were auditioning for Alfred Hitchcock.

Nobody is surprised to see the Bulls tear the Rs a new one, and equally predictable is a victory for the Red Devils over the Shakers, who pass and move well but can offer little resistance to the Prince of Darkness and his creepy minions.

Hammers v Tigers is not one for the RSPCA, with the inevitable occurring and leading to an awfully attractive rug, but Saints v Hornets is more intriguing. Being goodies, the Saints win but don’t kill their foes, instead tempting them with sticky sweets and trapping them under the world’s biggest glass, which combines with the sun’s rays to set fire to a localised area of Libya, killing two birds with one stone. Nicely done.

Oh, and once the evil Villans beat the magnificent soaring Eagles, the USA declares war on villainy (villany?) worldwide. Whoever said football and politics don’t mix?

QUARTER-FINALS
The Villans (boo!) take on the Valiants (yay!) in a fixture that is unsurprisingly dubbed a grudge match. The baddies are finally defeated thanks to a falling house and a well-aimed bucket of water, and the Valiants are through to the semis. Hurrah!

Another brutal reign of terror is brought to an end as the Hammers succumb to the wily overtures of the Red Devils, who persuade them of their potential for evil. A fifth horseman of the apocalypse is added to the scriptures: people the world over cower at preachers’ visions of Pestilence, War, Famine, Death and Mallett's Mallet.

Hammer and Devil: A match made in hell

The last of the land animals makes way as the Bulls’ impressive run comes to an end, losing to the basically infallible Saints. It’s not a draw you want, that. Commentators fall off the edge of their seats as the semi-finals now feature the Valiants and the Saints representing the good guys, with the Red Devils on the baddies’ side.

And their partner in crime and evility? It’s a tough contest between the Swans and the Seagulls, in what is officially known as The Battle of the Bats**t Insane. Necks are ripped out, more arms are broken and the Thames fills with blood, but the Seagulls limp through with no wings, no beaks and one eye between 11 of them.

SEMI-FINALS
Bruised, battered and by no means unb*ggered on their way to the final four, the Seagulls know it will take an incredible effort from cohort Satan to help them overcome the unageing, regenerating Teenage Mutant Ninja Saints (read your Bible).

Beelzebub, however, is busy taking care of matters in Valiants v Red Devils. The fallen one summons his evil hordes to dispose of the mighty Valiants in what is the most unpopular football result since Uruguay’s defeat of Ghana in the 2010 World Cup, though a national vote shows Luis Suarez to nick it in the polls.

But at least he’s too busy to help the Seagulls, and the Saints march into the final.

FINAL
This is the big one. The match to end all matches. Saints v Devils, good v evil. All holiday leave is cancelled in Sky's graphics department. Come kick-off, all bets are off and still no one can predict what will happen. The Saints boast a strong line-up featuring Bobby Robson, Pele and Roque Santa Cruz. The Devils are a terrifying prospect, with players including many we can’t mention for fear of legal action.

All is ready. The whistle blows. The Saints take the attack to the evildoers, and start well but can't create the goodness they need. The Devils take control of the match but as the Saints batten down the hatches, the game creeps ever closer to penalties. After injury time finishes 0-0, there is no alternative.

The Saints lead, the Devils cheat and as it goes into sudden death, it looks like good is to prevail. It all comes down to one kick. The Saints’ best player steps up and looks destined to score...

...

... but he doesn’t, the Devils come back to win and the world is ruled by infinite darkness. Again.

For a newsfeed specific to your club – however good or evil – see the FourFourTwo club directory.

It's a Nickname Knock-Out

2011-03-01T11:12:00Z

Thanks to FourFourTwo's Huw Davies having a malarial nightmare, you can test your nickname knowledge. The answers are under the links.

The year is 2012. After introducing seeding for the FA Cup, League Cup and new competition the Premier League Trophy, the powers that be have been criticised by teams lower down the pile, denied their chance to shine.

Wanting to placate the fans but terrified that the moneymaking likes of Wayne Rooney and Fernando Torres might be injured by a rogue blade of grass at Aldershot, the FA invents a new competition that will pit Football League clubs against the elite Premier League 'brands', without the tiresome necessity of involving those precious players.

And so the Nicknames Knock-out is born, and not without controversy, as all boring nicknames are immediately disqualified for not entering into the spirit of it. Yes you, Blueses and Roverses. Put the effort in.

ROUND 1
First up in the tournament is a real David and Goliath affair: the dastardly Villans taking on the red, red, Robins. Unfortunately there’s no crowd-pleasing giantkilling here, as the baddies bind the birds to train tracks while mischievously twiddling their moustaches.

Joining the Villans in the last 32 are the charging Bulls, tearing apart the Silkmen as if they were made of, well, silk. The dashing Valiants bravely overcome the much-fancied Blades, who are made to rue a torrential downpour that blunts and rusts their attacking threat, while the Tractor Boys make short work of the Cherries, whipping up a tasty trifle.

Over in the animal section of the draw, Wolves v Rams is an intensely confusing affair. Cleverly, Wolves turn up in sheep’s clothing, infiltrating the Rams’ woolly interior – but they haven’t counted on their opponents buying all the wolfskin coats in the neighbouring area as part of a similar tactic, and with both teams in each other’s strip, no one knows what the hell is going on. With no identifiable winner, Rams go through thanks to alphabetical advantage.

Wolves v Rams... but which is which?

It isn’t the only kit c**k-up of the round: neither the Imps nor the Red Devils bring an away kit, leading to much confusion on the pitch. The Devils sneak a wicked winner. The Eagles soar into the next round with an easy win over the Gills, who play like fish out of water, and the Toffees follow the Cherries in showing that foodstuffs rarely fare well in these competitions, being gobbled up by the greedy Grecians.

Elsewhere it’s the Daggers versus the Bluebirds, and the fainthearted should look away now: this is brutal. Disney viewings plummet as a result. Equally as horrific is Seagulls v Tangerines. Seagulls, vicious buggers at the best of times, don’t hold back when playing a collection of small oranges and go to town on the citruses.

In an action-packed day of what you can only assume is football, crowds around the country surge to their nearest fixture. The Saints see off the Trotters as Del Boy, Rodney and Granddad fail to impress, though fans of the losing team do get to see Buster Merryfield’s corpse exhumed, reanimated and sacrificed again to the television gods in the half-time interval. Meanwhile, the supple U's send the Potters round the bend, leaving them as mushy clay on that sit-down turntable thingy, and the Canaries defeat the sozzled Clarets.

Gunners v Pilgrims is a non-event as the travellers get delayed on the London Underground and miss kick-off. The Gunners' arch-rivals the Shots also get a bye, thanks to their opponents being disqualified, the Cottagers being found guilty of getting up to some naughty business in the dressing room toilets.

Another disqualification is dished out as the Pensioners abandon their bus passes, defecting to join the other Blues in the not-playing sin-bin, allowing their opponents the Magpies to pinch a Last 32 berth. Over in Wales, the Swans take out years of royalist and imperialist oppression by taking the attack to their owners, the Royals, and demolishing them like Henry VIII setting about a roasted swan dinner.

Swans v Royals: "C'mere, you"

Many a pundit is hoping for a real cupset, and many a pundit is killed for using that portmanteau 'word'. But they do get their wish with the first round playing host to a major surprise, as the Dons defeat the Terriers. The highly combative Terriers are fancied for a cup run but are stopped at the first doggy hurdle by an experienced Dons outfit, also known as a gown. The Dons simply pick up the Terriers one by one and dropkick them across the quadrant – an approach so simple and effective it’s a miracle it hasn’t been tried outside the Britannia Stadium.

Also fancying themselves are the Bees (the football team, not the Isle of Wight folk-rockers), who turn up expecting an easy win over the Baggies. But the Baggies have a secret weapon: bags. Throwing their sacks over the buzzy beggars and tying them up tight, they wrap up the game with ease.

The Shakers oscillate into the Second Round, shaking too much for the Cobblers to pin them down and apply soles. There’s also a ball in the velvet bag for the Chairboys, who gratefully accept the present of a freshly made saddle from the Saddlers, before sitting on it and bonking the saddle-makers over the head. Meanies. Just as bastardly are the Pirates, as you might expect. The toothless cutlass-wielding would-be rapists agree to share the Brewers’ kind offer of a pint or three, before pillaging their alcohol and casting them overboard.

The Bantams’ game against the Spireites sees the lowest turnout of the round, as fans are too confused as to what either team actually is. The Bantams win by definition of being a type of poultry, apparently, and after the match financial investigations into the Spireites show them to be severely crooked (thank you, here all week). The Hammers vs the Iron is a physical battle, with most of the attacks being one-way traffic. It’s a hammer and tongs affair and eventually the Iron are worn down, battered into defeat.

As the results continue to come in, bemusing poor Paul Merson even more than usual on Soccer Saturday, the kind-hearted Hatters bestow homemade titfers as gifts to their guests. Sadly, they are ripped to shreds by the visiting Tigers. The similarly good-natured Glovers give home-made hand-warmers to their hosts, the Lions. Sadly... well, you see where this is going.

Glovers v Lions: "For me? Oh you shouldn't have..."

Merse eventually gives up on understanding what is taking place when the Os mind their Ps and Qs against the Rs, but eventually lose. The Rs have a much smaller goal than the gaping Os, you see, and penetrate them with their sticky-out bit.

As the final few results filter through, it emerges that the Shrimpers have beaten the Shrimps. No surprise there. The Owls also do the business over the Shrews, in a result that shocks no one. Have you ever seen an owl take on a shrew? Exactly. A match-up with the Hornets ends nastily for the Railwaymen, and the Black Cats cause a surprise by upending the Tykes, who appear unusually superstitious and spooked by the Black Cats’ crossing.

But the biggest shock is saved until last, with the Sunday morning kick-off producing a cracking match-up. The Foxes are feeling good about this new competition, especially with so many birds involved, but a horror draw sees them pitted against their mortal enemy – the Posh. Needless to say, the Posh hound them, chase them and generally rip them apart in a terrifying encounter for the Foxes. Few survive.

And that brings the end of Round 1. Has it been a success? Only time will tell...

Next: It's a Nickname Knock-out: The Finals

Heroes & Villains: Thugs, ducks and an old dog

2011-02-28T13:13:00Z

Just to forewarn you, if you were expecting this to be a Carling Cup Special - it ain't. This is strictly a Premier League Heroes and Villains blog. If you want Carling Cup Heroes & Villains, check out any other website/newspaper/pub conversation. Oh, go on then…

Heroes: GiantSerbNikolaZigic, Stephen Carr, Alex McLeish, Jack Wilshere. Villains: Laurent Koscielny, Jean Beausejour, Derek Acorah, whichever *** at Sky decided to involve Derek Acorah.

Onwards…

HEROES

Scott Parker
There used to be a player in the Premier League called Steven Gerrard, and he had this whole Roy of the Rovers schtick down to a tee – scoring wonder goals, running the midfield, dragging his side to glory against all odds. Scott Parker is somehow doing almost as impressive a job of it at the current-day West Ham, despite being hampered by a vastly less talented supporting cast and not winning the European Cup. Or that many football matches.

There can be no overstating the brilliance of the England midfielder’s opener against Liverpool on Sunday – although the game was on Sky, so naturally they had a crack. Having quickly exchanged passes with Lars Jacobsen and then Thomas Hitzlsperger, Parker then deftly scored with the outside of his right boot – elegantly arching it around the despairing grasp of Pepe Reina in the Liverpool goal and just inside the far post.

But that opening goal was on the cherry on top of a dynamic and determined performance that inspired the Irons to a crucial three points against a team who had only conceded once in their last seven matches.

Javier Hernandez
Clinical is probably the best word to describe Chicarito – even at his tender age and with his relatively little experience, the Mexican is already starting to look one of the Premier League’s deadliest players inside the penalty area. He certainly ‘knows where the goal is’, to coin a punditry phrase which seems to be damning with faint praise. Hernandez scored twice as Manchester United strolled to yet another comfortable victory over Wigan, and could have been handed the opportunity to test himself against some of United’s fiercest rivals – if Wayne Rooney had been punished for his shenanigans at the DW.

Danny Sturridge
Much like Hernandez, Sturridge is a young striker with the world (or at least the Premier League) at his feet. A fourth goal in four appearances for Bolton earned the Trotters a point at Newcastle and kept Owen Coyle’s side in contention for a spot in next season’s Europa League – although Birmingham’s League Cup triumph means that pending events in the FA Cup, only a top-five finish will secure a European berth.

With Chelsea’s forwards all struggling to find goalscoring form, in the short term Carlo Ancelotti may rue letting the England under-21 hotshot out on loan, although there is clearly evidence that in the longer term he has already identified a perfect foil for Fernando Torres.

Sylvan Ebanks-Blake
While it can hardly be said that Ebanks-Blake has taken to the Premier League like a duck to water over he past 18 months, he’s certainly starting to show signs of being able to swim, rather than sink, at this level. At Molineux on Saturday the former Manchester United trainee certainly made a splash (OK, we’re done now with the aquatic puns) as he came off the bench to score his fifth and sixth league goals of the season in Wolves’ emphatic 4-0 win over Blackpool.

His second of the afternoon was particularly impressive – using first his right foot to shift the ball past Craig Cathcart, then his left to stroke the ball across Tangerines keeper Richard Kingson and into the bottom corner.

Robert Pires
He may not have the same swashbuckling pace and dynamism that made him one of the Premier League’s most feared midfielders during his Arsenal heyday, but his usage of the ball in Aston Villa’s emphatic win over Blackburn was a sign that perhaps there’s life in the old dog yet – albeit in a vastly different role.

VILLAINS

Wayne Rooney
It's almost impossible to understand why Wayne Rooney – slowly but surely chuntering back towards form – decided it would be a laugh riot to plant a forearm/elbow into the side of Wigan midfielder James McCarthy’s head. Short of trying to quell a hostage situation, it’s hard to think of an instance when such action is excusable – but this was particularly pointless, seemingly coming without provocation and with no discernible benefit for Rooney.

His act of mindless thuggery is certainly worthy of a retrospective ban, but the FA seem to be saying he'll get away with it – just like fellow England face Steven Gerrard got away with similar against Portsmouth last season.

Mike Phelan
Speaking on Match of the Day (because, of course, the manager won't) about the Rooney incident: “The referee saw what he saw and he kept the game rolling. We can’t dispute a referee’s decision – he’s kept the game flowing and we’re happy with that. I don’t know whether there should be a witch hunt [for Rooney] – we have referees out there to take charge of the situation. I thought he [Clattenburg] was consistent today with all his decisions, be it good or bad. I think we should lie low a bit and let the referees take control of the game.”
Cut and paste the above and then read it back next time Manchester United fail to win a game in anything approaching contentious circumstances.

Dudley Campbell
It was almost like some Premier League strikers had spent Friday night out on the Stella, as Dudley Campbell also got involved in some over-physical shenanigans (Lawyer’s note: The Premier League’s strikers were almost certainly not out ‘on the Stella’ on Friday evening, and Stella Artois is a delectable beverage which dances on the palate and certainly does not induce violence). While there’s no question Dudley was on the receiving end of a shove from Richard Stearman, that can be no excuse for jamming his hands into the Wolves man’s face.

The striker’s first-half dismissal proved costly, with the Seasiders' resultant 4-0 defeat leaving Wolves and the relegation zone just four points adrift of them. The striker will also most likely now face a three-game ban – which would rule him out of matches against Chelsea, Blackburn and Fulham – so the price for his belligerence may not yet be fully paid.

Keith Andrews
For a brief moment, the Ireland midfielder had a funny turn and thought he was Johan Cruyff – opting to try to twist and turn his way out of his own area, rather than doing what a player of his ilk is supposed to do and HOOF THE SODDING BALL OUT OF HARM’S WAY! Then, before he could say something in a comedic yet offensive cod-Dutch accent or refuse to play in the 1978 World Cup, Andrews had conceded possession – and then a penalty, a goal and the game.

Steven Gerrard
By Stevie G’s standards, Sunday’s showing at Upton Park was particularly poor, and was summed up by a half-arsed dive in the West Ham box which seemed to embarrass even Gerrard himself. The Liverpool linchpin misplaced 20 of his 69 passes at the Boleyn Ground – the worst stats racked up by a Liverpool player in a Sky League match this season. And when you consider how woeful the Reds were in the first half of the campaign, that’s quite a feat.

Roberto Mancini & Mark Hughes
Somewhere, buried in all the excitement of the goings on at Upton Park and Wembley, there was another match on Sunday afternoon. Man City manager Roberto Mancini caused a bit of a hubbub by supposedly not being ‘sincere’ enough in his handshake with Fulham’s Mark Hughes after their sides drew 1-1 at Eastlands. The former City boss was clearly riled by Mancini looking in completely the opposite direction as the Italian extended his arm towards his opposite number. Of course, Hughes shouldn’t escape criticism – he’s making a bit of a habit of getting involved in this nonsense, having already refused to shake Tony Pulis’ hand after his side’s League Cup defeat at Stoke in September.

Villa’s banner brigade
Knee-deep in a relegation scrap? Pah! A 4-1 win over Blackburn which saw their side move up into twelfth place? Who cares!? To a small group of Villa fans, it was far more important to stay up all night making a banner wishing Arsenal luck for Sunday’s League Cup final against their arch-rivals Birmingham City. You support a football club who have won the European Cup. Just let it go, for the love of God…

Reasons to be cheerful for Arsenal & Birmingham ahead of Wembley showdown

2011-02-26T10:00:00Z

With the Carling Cup final between Arsenal and Birmingham City taking place at Wembley on Sunday, FourFourTwo Performance's Ben Welch assesses exactly how the season's first major final will affect its participants...

It’s that time of year when Arsenal’s liquid football has so often in recent times turned to sludge as their season collapses.

Premier League challenge over. FA Cup dream up in smoke. Champions League glory extinguished and the quest for Carling Cup success prematurely halted.

But, this year is different – they’re still very much in the running on all four fronts.

First on the agenda: The Carling Cup. For the first time since 2007 the Gunners are in the final – all that stands between them and their first trophy since the FA Cup in 2005 are Alex McLeish’s Birmingham.

The Blues reached the final in 2001, where they lost to Liverpool on penalties. Ten years later they’re back amidst a relegation dogfight.

For both teams, winning the Carling Cup could act as a springboard for their respective campaigns.

In the case of the north Londoners, winning the League Cup has proved a fillip for top two Premier League finish, according to new Opta statistics.

Statistically, over the past 10 years the winner of the competition has achieved a 10 per cent increase in points gathered for the remainder of the season, enough to guarantee a runners-up position at least.

Opta data compiled for this weekend’s Carling Cup final reveals that for the successful team the average points haul per league game rises from 1.81 to 1.99 after the final.

The Carling Cup; It's massive - just look at it!

Winning finalists have also gone on to do well in other competitions with Liverpool claiming the FA Cup and UEFA Cup in 2001, Chelsea winning the FA Cup in 2007 and Manchester United winning the Premier League in 2009.

However, a defeat could spell another barren season for Arsene Wenger’s men – over the past decade losing finalists who were still involved in all four major competitions ended up with nothing at the end of the season.

This has already happened to Arsenal following their 2007 defeat to Chelsea – they were knocked out in an FA Cup 5th round replay by Blackburn Rovers and in the last 16 of the Champions League at the hands of PSV Eindhoven. Indeed, a similar fate befell Chelsea 12 months later, when the Blues lost to Spurs at Wembley before crashing out of the FA Cup to Barnsley and losing the Champions League Final to Manchester United in Moscow.

Of the 20 finalists of the last decade, only three have dropped in the table after playing in the final – eight teams have improved their position while the other nine stayed put.

This spells good news for Birmingham, who will also be cheered by the fact that in the past decade the only team to be in a relegation place when they played the final was Blackburn Rovers, who promptly roared up the tabled to finish 10th place after winning the competition in 2002.

The Blues will also be encouraged by the absence of Arsenal’s safe cracking playmaker and inspirational captain Cesc Fabregas.

Birmingham’s stand-in left back Liam Ridgwell will also breath a sigh of relief, with Arsenal’s jet-heeled winger Theo Walcott sidelined with a sprained ankle.

McLeish has seen the blueprint for countering Arsenal’s superbly rhythmic passing. Press, harass and don’t afford the Gunners’ master technicians a moment of peace on the ball.

Get 10 men behind the ball, set up a series of defensive roadblocks, and steer Wenger’s men into a blue and white cul-de-sac.

Without Fabregas’ silverservice deliveries and Walcott’s breakneck speed, Arsenal could struggle to break down McLeish’s tactically astute and disciplined battalion.

The longer the game goes without Arsenal scoring, the more frustrated the Gunners will get and when the going gets tough they have shown they’re prone to collapse.

Arsenal head into this game as the favourites, but given their frustrating knack for imploding at just the wrong time, you just never know what will happen.

The short-wearing, happy-slapping, frantically rowing Premier Preview

2011-02-25T14:11:00Z

Anyone else have that Friday feeling? This blogger does, and it’s lifted yet further by a tantalising weekend of Premier League Fixtures.

Everton-Sunderland, Newcastle-Bolton and Wolves-Blackpool should all be tight ties, and hopefully entertaining ones at that, then there’s the mouthwatering prospect of Chelsea taking on Manchester United on Tuesday night, when, admittedly, we’re all back at work.

Well, that’s a bit of a downer. There goes that Friday feeling...

SATURDAY

Aston Villa v Blackburn (3pm)

Two teams with highly different but equally confusing owners meet, with both having one eye over their shoulder – a biological marvel even in this day and age – to look at the teams performing behind them.

It’s a fantastically close in the bottom half this year, and you can see why many are proclaiming it the best Premier League season to date (it’s certainly up there). Blackburn are 11th but only five points above the relegation zone, while Villa are 16th with just two fewer points. It’s all very close.

Last season, Blackburn completed a league double over Villa while the Villans did a cup double over Rovers. This time around, Villa have already done the cup double over Venky’s Chicken Inc., while Blackburn are on for the league double if they win this. Very recent history could repeat itself.

And touchingly, Ryan Nelsen will wear a black armband to pay his respects to those affected by the Christchurch earthquake in his native New Zealand.

What won’t happen: A longer preview with less insight into the actual fixture

What will happen: Villa score their 500th Premier League goal at Villa Park, but are matched by their opponents in a score draw

Everton v Sunderland (3pm)

This could be the highlight of the weekend, if both teams play as balls-to-the-wall as they can do on their day.

All the statistics favour Everton: they’re unbeaten in their last 12 league matches against the Black Cats, and in Sunderland’s last three visits to Goodison Park they’ve conceded no fewer than 12 goals. Cahill and Saha look ripe for scoring too, netting 10 in their last 17 visits between them.

Still, what do stats mean when you cross that white line and you hear the roar of the crowd? Eh? NOTHING. NOTHING, THAT’S WHAT.

And since Everton and Sunderland have drawn a whopping 22 games between them this season, and you’d expect them to cancel each other out here.

What won’t happen: Leading 1-0 in the 90th minute, Steve Bruce takes a bung from Opta and orders Nedum Onouha to score an own goal to secure the draw

What will happen: Saha to shock no one and miss the game through injury, defeating the object of everything just written about him. Craig Gordon’s also a doubt, meaning Fillet Mignolet in goal for Sunderland

Newcastle v Bolton (3pm)

Either side could move into seventh with a win at St James’, but not both because...well, they can’t. Bolton could climb as high as sixth if Liverpool slip up, which would be enough to give Owen Coyle a bulge in his shorts.

It still seems ludicrous that any manager would wear shorts to a match, just because the clash with the opposing gaffer would be too extreme.

Obviously you don’t want to turn up in the same Saville Row suit – managers do ring each other before games to consult about this – but shorts? Really? It just looks like you’re threatening to bring yourself on as a sub because you’ve ‘still got it‘, which is probably Coyle’s point. “Look at me, Fergie, Avram, Brucie! I’m so much younger and fitter than all of you!”

Brucie just wishes he could still pull off the shorts and long socks look

But imagine the embarrassment when you turn up to the opposing manager’s office for a glass of Chablis and you’re wearing shorts. The toe-curling awkwardness doesn’t bear thinking about.

What won’t happen: Kevin Nolan to score a hat-trick against his old club, then do a lap of the pitch, happy-slapping all the young Bolton fans in the front row. Nobby, you b*st*rd

What will happen: What looks set to be an entertaining draw turns into a late smash-and-grab win for the visitors

Wigan v Manchester United (3pm)

This Lancashire lukewarmpot is, sadly, the most pointless derbies. The home side have few fans, the away supporters naturally expect an easy win and the result is seemingly inevitable.

Wigan’s record against the Red Devils is nothing short of extraordinary. They’ve played their ‘rivals’ – a misleading term that suggests anything other than a massive gulf in talent – 12 times and lost on every single occasion, scoring four goals and conceding 37. That’s a goal to every nine for United.

Still, seeing as United have scored the last 12 in their meetings, it’s the Latics’ turn now, right? You’d hope so, just to keep the title race alive a bit longer.

What won’t happen: Let’s face it – anything other than an away win. Worryingly, Wigan have won only one of their last nine league games at home. And that’s at home! Without wanting to generalise or simplify football, home is where you usually want to play!

What will happen: A depleted United do the job, Michael Owen making the scoresheet and celebrating by ripping off vital cartilage in a tangle with the net

Wolves v Blackpool (3pm, Absolute Radio)

This is why your blogging correspondent is a fan of Absolute Radio getting 3pm commentaries: this is a fascinating relegation tussle, ignored by the big broadcasters. And given Blackpool’s record away from home, it should be an exciting game as well, even if Wolves often threaten about as much as lambs in their clothing.

Blackpool are turning things around again after losing five on the trot. Wolves, however, continue to shake their heads, stamp their feet and refuse to work their way out of trouble, like adolescents caught sniffing glue who just need to admit they’re wrong to be given a suspended sentence.

The Wolves players certainly can’t afford to chuck away points in the dying minutes as they did last week against West Brom, not least because Mick McCarthy will destroy them with his fists.

Kevin Doyle will at least return, having ripped out his injured rib and donated it to charity.

What won’t happen: A Charlie Adam goal, seeing as he’s suspended for picking up yellows like buttercups in springtime, the cheeky flower-collecting tyke.

What will happen: Can Wolves finally beat a team around them instead of only performing against the big clubs? What do you think? No, really, we don’t know…

SUNDAY

West Ham v Liverpool (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Surprise, surprise (read that in a high-pitched cod-Scouse accent, if you want) - Liverpool are on television again! With the TV money the club is raking in, John Henry must be laughing himself silly while bathing in pound coins (the billions of dollars he’s already made have been stapled together into a very nice four-bedroom detached with accompanying double garage)

"Sh*t, I left the tap on - that's going to cost a ruddy fortune..."

What won’t happen: John W. Henry to be able to find a bidet made of Yen.

What will happen: Liverpool to be spared the blushes of conceding to massive flop Robbie Keane, as he’s injured, and it’ll be much the same for West Ham as Joe Cole is likely to miss out with a gippy knee. Narrow away win.

Manchester City v Fulham (3pm, 5 Live Radio (possibly))

Five Live is continuing to insist they will be covering this game live on Monday night, even though kick-off will have been some 30 hours previously. Perhaps they’re expecting a lot of injury time. As for whether this is actually on radio: sorry, folks, you’re on your own.

Now that Shay Given is set to miss the rest of the season with a shoulder injury, Citeh will field Iker Casillas as their reserve keeper, or perhaps Julio Cesar or Victor Valdes. We don’t know as yet: the name on the team sheet is currently ‘Emergency Loan Signing’.

Fulham could turn their unbeaten run in the league into a mightily impressive four games, but that depends largely on whether Mark Hughes is inspired to beat Manchester City’s excellent line-up, or reduced to tears, wailing, “It could have been me!”

What won’t happen: Man City record only their second home win over Fulham in eight attempts. Instead, it’s...

What will happen: ...a very, very, very dull draw

MONDAY

Stoke v West Brom (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1)

Now that Roy ‘Away games are for air miles, not for scoring’ Hodgson is in charge of West Brom, this fixture doesn’t promise to be a thriller.

But in fairness to Stoke, they don’t do draws, with just three to their name so far this season. They’ll miss Matthew Etherington, but will look to continue their Manchester United-esque feat of constantly scoring in the last minute – six goals and counting in the 90th minute or later.

What won’t happen: Both sides turn up, apologise to the fans in advance and return their money, having agreed to play behind closed doors after Sky Sports realise their error in booking this ‘blockbuster’, and show under-15s lacrosse instead

What will happen: An almost injury-free West Brom still fail to gel with Hodgson and his new 8-1-1 formation. Home win

TUESDAY

Chelsea v Manchester United (7.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

United on the ropes? Nope. Chelsea’s last chance to keep themselves in the title hunt? Hardly. But this match still holds a lot in store, as the Red Devils are keen not to drop points with Arsenal breathing down their neck, and Chelsea are in the same, slightly smaller, slightly leakier boat trying to overtake Spurs, who are frantically rowing ahead of them

They’ll be cheered slightly by the win over Copenhagen, and largely nonplussed with Yuri Zhirkov’s threat to leave if he doesn’t get more match time. Rumour has it Carlo Ancelotti had to telephone Ray Wilkins to ask him who the Russian was, thinking all along that he was a cleaner who just hung around.

What won’t happen: Goals, goals, goals

What will happen: Draw

The most inventive bit of cheating you'll ever see on a football pitch

2011-02-24T10:29:00Z

Hats off to Chile under-20 defender Bryan Carrasco for coming up with something truly unique in his side's clash with Ecuador U20...

The FFT Photo Awards: Winners' Gallery

2011-02-22T16:12:00Z

There's a reason they call it the beautiful game. Last year, FourFourTwo invited fans and professional photographers to capture the beautiful game in all its glory. The judging panel included FourFourTwo editor David Hall and picture editor Jeff Beasley, plus multi-award-winning photographer David Pultney and former England player turned keen photographer Graeme Le Saux. Here are some of the best we received.

Category: BEHIND THE SCENES

English ref Howard Webb and assistants Darren Cann and Mike Mullarkey lead out Brazil and Chile at the Ellis Park Stadium
Winner Paul Gilham Location Johannesburg, South Africa

Category: PORTRAIT

Fernando Torres poses for a studio portrait session at the Liverpool Film Studios
Winner Cliver Brunskill Location Liverpool

Category: GROUNDS AND VENUES

Doncaster and Spurs get a technicolour welcome to the Keepmoat Stadium ahead of their Carling Cup tie
Winner Alex Livesey Location Doncaster

Category: CELEBRATION

Zoltan Gera celebrates Fulham's third goal in their dramatic Europa League victory over Juventus
Winner Stuart Robinson Location London

Category: WORLD FOOTBALL

The celebrated Bouake football academy
Winner Luca Sage Location Bouake, Ivory Coast

Category: PASSION

West Ham's Alessandro Diamanti hits the post
Winner Richard Heathcote Location Wigan

Category: EXPECTATION

Fabio Capello looks on in frustration as his England side struggle through a World Cup warm-up game at the Moruleng Stadium
Winner Andrew Stenning Location Rustenberg, South Africa

Category: GRASSROOTS

Township kids compete for the ball as the sun sets
Winner Mike Hewitt Location Magaliesberg, South Africa

Category: WORLD CUP

Iker Casillas leaps clear of Spain team-mate Carles Puyol as Holland look to break the deadlock in the final
Winner Clive Rose Location Johannesburg, South Africa

Category: FANS

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger gestures to the officials after being sent to the stands at Old Trafford
Winner Laurence Griffiths Location Manchester

Category: NON-PROFESSIONAL

A Leeds fan shows his joy as the Elland Road club win promotion back to the Championship
Winner Lee Brown Location Leeds

And last but not least, the overall winner...

Category: MATCH ACTION

Brazil's Robinho gets intimate with Holland's Mark van Bommel in the World Cup quarter-final
Winner Jonne Roriz Location Port Elizabeth, South Africa

Besides the winners above, we received dozens of entries of excellent quality. We can't upload them all but we thank all those who took the time to contribute. To see more of the entries, click the categories below.

GALLERIES Match action • Portraits • World Cup • Grassroots • Celebrations • Fans & Passion • Grounds & Behind the Scenes • Emotions

ARCHIVE My Secret Vice, June 2005: Graeme Le Saux – Snapper

Wigan defender apprehended during bank raid

2011-02-16T16:30:00Z

"A point at Anfield? It's daylight robbery, I tells ya..."

DISCLAIMER: As far as FFT.com is aware, Gary Caldwell has never actually robbed a bank.

Can you name all the Premier League shirt sponsors?

2011-02-15T16:44:00Z

Our Photoshop "experts" have had their wicked way with the English Premier League shirts, displayed below. How many of the missing sponsors can you name? And if it's only about half, as it is for most of the people we asked, what does that mean for brands spending millions on belly-based adverts?

Scroll to the bottom and we'll point you at the answers – but do take the quiz, and don't cheat...

Think you know the answers? Click here to see the sponsors unveiled

Heroes & Villains: Men in suits and a cowardly lion

2011-02-15T11:31:00Z

FourFourTwo.com features editor James Maw reveals the (extended) weekend's Premier League goodies and baddies

HEROES

Chris Smalling & Nani
The headlines and highlight reels may have been dominated by Wayne Rooney’s glorious acrobatics (not a sentence we’d ever envisaged writing…), but the bulk of the plaudits should go to Chris Smalling and Nani, both of whom outperformed ‘Man of the Match’ Rooney and inspired victory for Manchester United.

The fact that it's unsurprising to see the Portuguese being the catalyst of a United win in such a crucial match is a testament to his continuing rise from erratic threat to consistent attacking force. His first-half strike – the culmination of an incisive counter-attack worthy of similar adulation to Rooney’s strike – took his league tally for the season to 10. Combined with his 13 assists – the latest also coming on Saturday – the statistics underline the magnitude of his contribution to the United cause this term.

Far more surprising was the disciplined, composed and authoritative performance of young centre-back Chris Smalling. In the absence of Rio Ferdinand the former Maidstone starlet made only his fourth league start for the Red Devils, and slotted in effortlessly alongside Nemanja Vidic as United were generally able to keep City at arm's length.

The 21-year-old’s move from Fulham raised a few eyebrows 12 months back – after all, he'd only played a handful of matches for the Cottagers. But this superb performance underlined exactly why the current Premier League leaders were so keen to quickly tie up a deal for the defender.

Wayne Rooney
Given the performances of the aforementioned United duo, it was galling to see Sky present their man of the match award to Rooney, who by his own admission was largely disappointing over the 90 minutes. Nonetheless – What. A. Goal.

Nikola Zigic
Let’s not pretend GiantSerbNikolaZigic has blown us away with brilliant football since arriving at St Andrew’s in the summer, but he’s certainly made a positive impact in recent weeks. Having previously gone over three months without a Premier League goal, Zigic has now scored three in three as Brum have picked up what could be a crucial seven points in matches with Manchester City, West Ham and Saturday’s opponents Stoke City. His Stoke-like scrappy last-gasp close-range header saw Alex McLeish’s side move up to 14th – their highest position since late November.

Demba Ba
In a week when the long-term future of West Ham United was decided by a panel of former athletes and men in suits, Senegalese striker Ba ensured there’s still hope that the club’s immediate future won’t be in the Football League, with his second-half brace helping the Hammers claw back a three-goal deficit to earn a vital point in the battle against relegation.

Robin van Persie
The Dutchman continued his superb start to 2011 with another brace, taking his goal tally for the calendar year to 11 in just nine matches. With Chelsea and Manchester City dropping points again in ‘Round 27’, Van Persie’s return to full fitness and top form couldn’t have come at a better time. While the cash-rich duo have drifted away from leaders Manchester United, Arsenal are still well within touching distance, with United still to visit the Emirates.

David Luiz
While the higher-profile of Chelsea’s January acquisitions may have bombed again at Craven Cottage on Monday evening (more on that later), the man who snuck in through the back door when everybody was busy gawping at ‘Nando’ really hit the ground running on his first start for his new club.

That, of course, isn’t a surprise given his pedigree – Luiz has been one of the most highly rated and sought-after defenders in Europe for a couple of years now, and his performances at the back last season were key to the domestic success of a largely attack-minded Benfica side.

Yet things last night could have turned sour at the last when the Brazilian’s mistimed tackle on Clint Dempsey was perhaps harshly punished by referee Mike Dean with the award of a spot-kick. Fortunately for Luiz and Chelsea, Petr Cech saved to preserve the clean sheet.

Sandro
Another Brazilian youngster getting to grips with the Premier League, albeit with a less immediate and impressive impact. The Spurs starlet has endured a far from auspicious start to his career in north London, but Saturday evening’s win up at Sunderland could prove to be a turning point.

The 21-year-old completed 90 minutes of Sky League football for the first time, and after a nervy start seemed to grow into the match – quickly adapting to the pace of the game and, for the first time in a Spurs shirt, seeming to show a real appreciation of the players around him. With Jermaine Jenas suspended and Luka Modric still recovering from an appendectomy, it looks likely Sandro will start at the San Siro tonight. Can he continue his progress?

VILLAINS 

Mike Summerbee
It’s not often we’ll bother ourselves with the post-match wittering of pundits, but this week we simply have to make an exception, after Manchester City hero Mike Summerbee made a fool of himself during Sky’s analysis of Saturday’s Manchester derby. Let’s face it, you know things are going badly when you’re being patronised by Dwight Yorke and make Jamie Redknapp look erudite.

Clearly riled by the rest of the panel’s drooling over Wayne Rooney’s winner, Summerbee sulked that his old side had more than matched United, and that the discourse should revolve as much around their chances as United's goals.

“We [City] dominated the game – and I’m talking possession-wise – for probably 60% of the game,” claimed Summerbee, before later explaining the he wasn’t “into stats” when host Ed Chamberlain pointed out United’s 54% share of possession.

Of course, to an extent Summerbee had a point. Sky do incessantly fawn over Manchester United and the rest of the ‘Big Four’, and City were certainly the better side during the early exchanges – possibly even up to United's opener. But Fergie’s team won the game for a reason – they created more decent chances than City and stuck more in the net.

Summerbee was clearly speaking with the passion of a fan rather than the level head of an analyst, and while it was refreshing to see emotion compared to the usual tepid chat, he may want to rein it in a tad next time…

William Gallas
The first rule of football is that the team who scores the most goals wins the football match. The second rule is probably some tosh about any thermal vests/shorts have to match the garment worn over the top of it. Someway down the list there’s a passing reference to not trotting off to change your boots while the game is unfolding in front of you.

This was exactly what Silly Willy Gallas did in the opening stages of Tottenham’s eventual victory at Sunderland on Saturday evening – with Asamoah Gyan punishing his absenteeism by turning an over-stretched Michael Dawson and neatly rifling the ball into the bottom corner of the Spurs net.

Fair enough, it was later explained that Gallas had been given a pain-killing injection prior to the game and had subsequently been bandaged too tightly – hence the need for the change in footwear. But surely the Frenchman could’ve soldiered on for a few minutes until there was a break in play?

We can only imagine what Harry Redknapp would’ve said to him at half-time had Dawson not equalised minutes before, although we’d take a guess that it would involve the word "fackin", whatever that means.

Avram Grant
It was perhaps a fairly damning indictment on Grant’s motivational skills that West Ham ‘striker’ Carlton Cole heaped praise on Hammers captain Scott Parker for the England midfielder’s rousing half-time words, completely overlooking his manager. While there’s no denying fire and brimstone are largely overrated qualities in the eyes of some English fans and pundits, sometimes a good pep-talk is what you really need. It’s hard to imagine the ever-gloomy Grant providing that.

As impressive as West Ham’s comeback was – and indeed they could well have ultimately won the match – it shouldn’t overshadow a horrendous first-half showing, particularly at the back, which caused us to wonder why the Irons didn’t sign a defender in January.

Fernando Torres
It’s early days, of course, and the Spaniard’s second Chelsea outing at Fulham was certainly better than his largely anonymous debut showing, but he still looked a shadow of his former self, spurning several good chances. He needs a goal, and quickly.

Clint Dempsey
Poor penalty, should’ve left the rebound and not tried an audacious bicycle kick. NEXT!

Alex Song
A brilliant player, and one whose influence on this Arsenal side is ever increasing, but his hair is getting more and more ridiculous by the week. He currently looks like the cowardly lion in Blaxploitation classic The Wiz.

3DTV an eye-opening experience

2011-02-14T15:22:00Z

Watching 3DTV has turned FourFourTwo magazine editor David Hall not so much square-eyed as cube-eyed...

Like many people working in this football lark, the advent of 3D in the arena of televisual broadcasting caused my eyes to roll. Last year, I trooped out to a pub in London’s fancy West End for a Sky Sports launch. About 50 dubious journos stood round looking like complete plums with glasses on and (free) pints in our hands. By the way, I look doubly plum-like due to the fact that I wear glasses anyway: 3D leaves me looking like a double-glazed Napoleon Dynamite.

A strange thing happened that day, though. Possibilities were suddenly aroused as to what might be capable with 3D in football. Oh, blimey… he kicked that hard, didn’t he? How fast was he running then? Bloody hell, that “GOAL!” graphic nearly spilt my pint?! As my eyes and very 2D brain become accustomed to the fancy new angles being employed by Sky – lingering shots down the line, close ups of the managers in a dugout with a cavernous stand behind them etc – I felt myself being sucked in.

Gradually, however, it became apparent that maybe the pub wasn’t the best environment for the experience, not least due to the overwhelming feel of plum that most men appear to grapple with when in situ avec 3D.

This season I was given the chance to experience 3D in the old homestead – an environment where I could comfortably exist, double-glazed and only have the despairing looks of my nearest and dearest to contend with. (The despair would be twofold: 1) He’s watching football a-GAIN and 2) What’s with the glasses, Napoleon?)

"Fetch us a cup of 3D tea, love..."

I cherry-picked two fixtures that I thought would give me a proper feel of what 3D in the home could mean to football: Barcelona vs Real Madrid and Manchester United vs Manchester City. Both derbies of epic proportions, both top-of-the-table clashes – but one played with the finesse of La Liga, the other with the blood and thunder of the Premier League. First, to the Camp Nou...

BARCELONA v REAL MADRID
We all know that this game turned into a 5-0 tanking, but what did 3D bring to the Barca party? The beauty of the Catalans is the intricacy in the way they play and how easy they make it look. Through the power of my added dimension, I got a sense of how quickly they move the ball around the pitch – when you catch a glimpse of how far Iniesta has to pass a ball before he deftly releases it to his team-mate, you suddenly get an enhanced appreciation of just how effing good he is and another nail in your “I could definitely make it one day” coffin.

What was also accentuated was the lacklustre performance of Madrid. In two dimensions they no doubt looked inferior. In 3D, they looked half-dead compared to the snappy Barça movement.

The third dimension also reaffirmed the sheer grandeur of the Camp Nou. How anyone brings themselves to try a blind pass or cheeky backheel in front of a crowd that size is beyond me. But then I’m guessing that’s why Pep hasn’t given me a bell yet.

Camp Nou: Ooh, it's big

Silks, skills and general flash-Harryness. It was over to the Manchester derby to see how that stacked up…

MANCHESTER UNITED v MANCHESTER CITY
I did have concerns about choosing this game, after the previous clash stunk up the pitch at the City of Manchester Stadium earlier in the season. Thankfully, City made the early running, which was the kick up the backside United needed to get going in the game.

Things certainly seemed to have moved on from a 3D perspective too. More camera angles and more confidence in the use of some of those angles, lingering longer and really ramming home the “this is 3D” vibe. There was an overall feeling of flair in the broadcast, like it was becoming second nature to Sky’s outside broadcast team.

The graphics department at Sky Sports had really pulled out all the stops too. There were faux metal boxes popping out of the screen at every available opportunity and floating somewhere over my living room carpet. The pre-match build up was probably where this was most evident, especially when they do the team line-up and the illustrated pitch protrudes proudly from the screen. Come to think of it, there’s something oddly phallic about 3DTV… stuff’s always sticking out of the screen proudly presenting itself. “Here I am, love! 3DTV! Want some?!”

Once the game was underway, it certainly felt that the extra dimension was occasionally being left behind by the rough and tumble action of the Premier League. Stuff was just happening so quickly, there was little to be had in the way of insight thanks to improved depth of field vision like there had been for El Clasico.

Unarguably incredible, however, were the slow-motion replays in 3D. There were several shouts for handball in the first-half that in real time flashed before my eyes. In slow-mo and with the 3D, the decisions were clear. I wondered whether 3D would be considered as being the medium through which a fourth official could make goal-line decisions – it was so clear as to be obvious.

A few players started to let rip from distance. Nani made me flinch with a rasper that Joe Hart would have been glad to see land in my living room rather than his net. But, of course, the flash of beauty that will become one of the “I was there” moments of the season featured an airborne, upside-down Wayne Rooney leathering a sublime winner.

Wayne Rooney afloat, Dave Hall agog

This goal was so good, you would have gasped if I’d explained it using a pencil, piece of paper and a stickman. In 3D, I was in hog heaven. Angle after angle in the replays just reaffirmed what a completely mind-blowing strike it was.

I tweeted during the game about the 3D experience and rightly received a tweet from an Arsenal fan who pointed out that “Life’s in 3D, mate” – implying a match ticket is the only way to see football. Indeed it is, but here I was, sat on my couch more than 200 miles away gasping at a touch of football genius that could only have been better had I actually been sat in the front 10 rows of Old Trafford’s East stand. Not bad, that. Not bad at all.

Thanks to Sony for the loan of a Bravia 3DTV

The graceful, tasteful but thoroughly unsympathetic Premier Preview

2011-02-11T17:05:00Z

The Champions League is nearly upon us again (mumble mumble, and, uh, the Europa League as well, mumble mumble), but will the big boys rest their top boys for these Premier League clashes?

Not likely. Tottenham and Arsenal both have massive midweek games, away at Milan and at home to Barcelona respectively, but given they’re both still involved in the title/top-four race, can’t afford to put out the reserve teams this weekend.

Spurs face a tricky trip to Sunderland, which seems almost as far as Milan if you ever drive it, while Arsenal face a resurgent Wolves who just handed Manchester United their first league defeat of the season...

Actually, at home to Wolves, Arsenal really might rest a few players.

Chelsea will mean business in their awfully posh west London derby, though, and Manchesters United and City will be taking their own derby pretty bloody seriously.

But that’s only the beginning of the weekend’s excitement…

SATURDAY

Manchester United v Manchester City (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

That clock will continue to virtually tick until Citeh win a trophy of any kind, or indeed anything – this blogger hears they’re pretty unlucky in the end-of-season Premier League raffle as well.

But there’s another City-mocking clock that could be designed, should United fans find the time and inclination. The newly rich noisy neighbours have only won once at Old Trafford since 1974, when men were men and Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson was rounding up his playing career with Ayr United.

Can this game provide a hallowed second away victory? It’s not inconceivable now United have shown a weakness at last, but finally losing a game could actually help them: less worrying about an unbeaten record, more thinking about winning.

And no doubt: a win here would be an earth-shatteringly massive blow to City’s title hopes. Good thing for them, then, that Rio Ferdinand is merking about with Jonny Evans on the touchline with an injury, so Chris Smalling will start in the centre of defence. He’s not there yet...

What won’t happen: City grab a vital point...

What will happen: …as United bounce back to win all three.

Arsenal v Wolves (3pm)

Stephen Hunt in ‘injured’ shocker! ‘Wolves play well against good teams’ revelation! Blogger shocks world by predicting Arsenal victory anyway!

What won’t happen: Such excitement, and exclamation marks, to last the rest of this blog

What will happen: Hunt not to play, Wolves to put in a decent performance, and Arsenal to win

Birmingham v Stoke (3pm)

A potential thriller this ain’t, or at least that would be my usual prediction. But in fairness to Stoke, of whom I am guilty of consistently underestimating, they were on the right end of a five-goal thriller last week against Sunderland.

The Potters are likely to name an unchanged side, while Birmingham’s quest for their first back-to-back victories in over a year will be boosted by the eventual granting of a work permit to Obafemi Martins. Given that he’s played in the Premier League before, you’re led to wonder if he tried the old ‘Do you know who I am?’ at customs – a question that never prompts a satisfying answer.

Ben Foster has miraculously recovered from a thumb injury that kept him out of the England game against Denmark. Extraordinary turnaround times physios manage between meaningless international friendlies and must-win Premier League relegation battles these days, eh?

What won’t happen: Martins to display the scarily blistering pace once endowed to him years ago, though the scarily inept finishing may get a run-out

What will happen: A draw, and Stoke’s fourth in 26 league matches

Blackburn v Newcastle (3pm)

Shefki Kuqi goes straight into the Newcastle squad and may face one of his 639 former clubs. He’ll have fond memories of Blackburn, having scored a goal every five games in the 2005-06 season he was there. Better than his one in nine for Finland, admittedly, but still – not brilliant.

The Big Finn is on a hiding to nothing at Tyneside, with fans and pundits up there and the world over condemning him before he gets a chance (well, another one).

It’s worth remembering that, thanks to the probably-still-sensible decision not to splurge £35m of ready monies on a striker, any striker, in the last few hours of the transfer window, Newcastle only find themselves short due to a long-term injury to Shola Ameobi.

They should still be fine with the trio of Lovenkrands, Best and Ranger, but a fourth striker is always useful in case another one loses a leg. And given the transfer and loan windows are both shut, Alan Pardew could only sign a player out of contract. Kuqi is likely to be the best of a bad bunch. He is at least a striker, he does at least have experience, and he does at least have two working legs. He may not be as ridiculous a signing as all that.

We shall see.

What won’t happen: A Kuqi hat-trick on debut, in all likelihood

What will happen: Scant benefit for Blackburn as Santa Cruz makes his return, as the Paraguayan still needs to find his shooting boots after a long time on the bench. Nonetheless, 1-0 home win

Blackpool v Aston Villa (3pm)

Holloway’s mob have slowly gone from being everyone’s second team to getting on everybody’s wick, or at least a few wicks. Now the increasingly whiny westcountryman is insisting he needs to sign an emergency keeper.

Emergency keeper my elbow – they have three first-choice keepers plus a reserve team and a youth outfit. This rule allowing emergency transfers is ridiculous and it's hard not to be thoroughly unsympathetic. And an injury crisis between the sticks serves Holloway right, anyway, for disposing of Richard Kingson after one high-profile mistake and replacing him with Paul Rachubka, now injured. Well, Kingson’s your only fit keeper now, Olly. Deal with it.

In happier Blackpool-related news, Jason Puncheon is set for a home debut, just five since the 24-year-old was playing non-league football. Good luck to him.

Villa’s England heroes return to domestic action, keen to help the team that pays their not insignificant wages.

What won’t happen: Ollie picks himself in goal and saves a penalty from – who else? – Darren Bent

What will happen: Kingson, low on confidence, fluffs again and Blackpool lose their ninth game in ten

Liverpool v Wigan (3pm)

Suffice it to say that Steven Gerrard is, unbelievably, set to play for Liverpool having missed the England game through injury. Loves his country, he does. Jonjo Shelvey is out for months, too. Disaster!

Gary Caldwell, brilliantly, may play this game wearing a mask, due to a fractured cheekbone. Hopefully someone will make the suggestion that he goes with a Kane mask, or perhaps the Hannibal Lecter facial treatment. Alternatively, wearing a cardboard box over his head and pretending to a robot would bring some joy for the 12 travelling Wigan fans.

James McCarthy is available having missed Ireland’s win over Wales, but Maynor Figueroa is still out with a hamstring. Lucky him.

What won’t happen: Caldwell to wear any of those above suggestions. Hmph

What will happen: A Wigan game to feature fewer than four goals for the first time since January, as the Reds steal a narrow win – their fifth in a row

West Brom v West Ham (3pm)

Roy Hodgson, your time is now. Unite a disparate squad. Win games. Soar up the league table. Win the respect you deserve.

Alternatively, record a bunch of 0-0 draws and become the latest in a long line of managers to go down with West Brom.

It’s 50/50, really.

What won’t happen: Davids Gold, Sullivan and Brady (you know that is Karren’s real name, right?) to take the Olympic victory over Spurs with quiet grace, avoiding all media opportunities on account of taste

What will happen: “YEEEEAAAHHH! F*** YOU, SPURS! THIS WHITE ELEPHANT IS OURS!” In this game: draw

Sunderland v Spurs (7.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

Lee Cattermole’s unavailability gives Sunderland a good chance of winning by virtue of having 11 men on the field, though Danny Welbeck is injured, so unable to fill Darren Bent’s boots. Where’s Shefki Kuqi when you need him?

Spurs’ injury worries are continuing to mount, and Rafa van der Vaart and Gareth Bale look likely to miss out in order to avoid exacerbating niggling injuries ahead of the Milan game.

What won’t happen: Sunderland lack that cutting edge...

What will happen: ...and it’s another smash and grab win for Spurs

SUNDAY

Bolton v Everton (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 1st half: 5 Live Sports Extra, 2nd half: 5 Live Radio)

This could be a very exciting game, so it’s a good choice for TV coverage. We’re allowed to say that, too, having complained last week before the games that Newcastle v Arsenal (4-4) should be on television ahead of West Ham v Birmingham (0-1).

WELL, IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU’RE BLOODY LISTENING NOW, SCHEDULERS.

What won’t happen: A penalty to the away team – the Toffees haven’t been awarded a single one all season

What will happen: 5-4 to Everton. Like, really

MONDAY

Fulham v Chelsea (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Bit of a toughie for Chelsea, now level on points with Spurs after losing to Liverpool.

If ‘Arry’s men get anything out of their game against Sunderland, Chelsea will start their match playing catch-up. Interestingly, Frank Lampard talks about this exact scenario in the new issue of FourFourTwo [PLUG], saying that he would always prefer to be leading than chasing (as it were) and one of Jose Mourinho’s strengths is in accentuating the positive.

“You can either go into your game with a negative idea that if we lose, we’re going to be three points behind,” explains Lampard. “Or, you can think, ‘If we win this game, we’ll be back level on points.’ It’s a small thing but you’re more likely to win with a positive mindset. And Jose was good at making sure everyone stayed positive.”

Your move, Carlo.

What won’t happen: A worse start, or more closely scrutinised performance, for Fernando Torres than against Liverpool

What will happen: Fulham fail to grab their second win over Chelsea in 29 meetings, with the Blues prevailing by a single goal. Still, at least Bobby Zamora is nearing a return, yes?

TUESDAY

Birmingham v Newcastle (7.45pm, 5 Live Sports Extra)

This rearranged game is a good opportunity for Brum to grab some much-needed points, with Newcastle tottering slightly after their loss to Blackburn (we have to stand by our predictions here). Sure enough, Toon slip up again...

What won’t happen: A Shefki Kuqi hat-trick. Again

What will happen: Home win

Title race(s) special – plus Giles, Lofty and hostages

2011-02-10T16:17:00Z

Our March issue is hitting the shelves as we write this, and you won’t want to miss out. Here’s why you should get it, NOW...

Title race special
We’ve got ourselves all excited about this season’s Premier League title race, seeing as it's one of the closest in years. But what do the players make of it all? We interview Berbatov, Nasri, Lampard and Silva to find out, and receive a fascinating insight from Chris Waddle into a certain Gareth Bale...

“We have a hostage situation”
Kidnapping isn’t a funny business, but it is a crazy one – especially when football is concerned. With victims including Johan Cruyff and Robinho’s mum, FFT discovers how two worlds can collide.

Chesterfield charge on
Their team is top of League Two, but you try getting a smile out of Spireites fans. “It’ll go wrong – it always does,” says one supporter. Cheer up!

Luton v Wimbledon v Crawley Town
It’s a fascinating battle for supremacy in the Blue Square Premier. But who will make the Football League: the fallen idols, the martyrs or the wodge-wavers?

Picture Special: the Home Nations remembered
With England mooting a new home nations tournament while the others carry on without them, we delve through the best photographs from its predecessor (warning: may feature perms).

One-on-One: Johnny Giles
The Leeds legend answers your questions. The Damned United may crop up...

Sun, sea and socc... er, football
Our look into England’s major title races takes a detour to the south coast, to see what all the fuss in League One is about around Brighton and Bournemouth.

How to get out of the Championship
Easy it ain’t, but three teams manage to do it every season. We ask the managers who made it into the Premier League.

A tribute to Nat Lofthouse
From the mines to memory, Lofthouse won’t be forgotten. But we thought we’d make sure.

To make this issue, with these features and more, FourFourTwo spoke to (deep breath)... Cheik Tiote, Graeme Souness, Luca Toni, Samir Nasri, Mikel Arteta, John Barnes, Frank Lampard, Dimitar Berbatov, Dwight Yorke, Nilmar, Roque Santa Cruz, Kevin Keegan, David Silva, Johnny Giles, Dave Beasant, Tony Mombray, Jon-Paul McGovern, Mark Wilson, Nigel Worthington, Ashley Cole, Diego Forlan, Radamel Falcao, Richie Humphreys, Tom Bender, Kevin Rutkiewicz, Craig Easton, Teddy Sheringham, Tony Cascarino, Danny Wilson, Anthony Pilkington, Willy Sagnol, Lee Dixon, Jonathan Douglas, Darren Anderton, Jermaine Jenas, Nick Owen, Michel Salgado, Jackie Sewell, Gus Poyet, Steve McManaman, Chris Waddle, Graham Westley, Jeff Stelling, Aidy Boothroyd, Phil Brown, a page three model, the chaplain of Portsmouth FC and Allan ‘Sniffer’ Clarke.

Sounds great. Give me one!

Blyth Spartans v Droylsden: Spot the infringement

2011-02-07T15:10:00Z

Saturday's FA Trophy match between Droylsden and Blyth Spartans saw an amazing oversight by the match officials, when Droylsden’s Ciaran Kilheeney punched a 34th minute Michael Tait header off the goal line, with both referee Steve Smith and his assistant failing to notice the infringement...

Heroes & Villains: Petr, Pantsil & paranoia

2011-02-07T11:42:00Z

FourFourTwo.com features editor James Maw nominates the weekend's top-flight goodies and baddies...

HEROES

Kenny Dalglish
Hands up, those who thought Dalglish had spent too long ‘out of the game’ to be able to make any discernible positive impact at Anfield. The fact is, very few people beyond Merseyside were convinced that it was a good move, although that was surely just because we were all so keen on Woy to succeed – lovable long-ball merchant that he is. But we were wrong, and we should be happy to be so as it certainly makes the Premier League run-in more interesting.

Suddenly the Anfieldists are within two wins of Chelsea and Spurs – the two sides directly above them in fourth and fifth, and the clubs previously thought most likely to join Manchester United, Arsenal and Manchester City in next season's Champions League. Given that Chelsea are still a way from hitting top gear and those crazy swines at Spurs are just as likely to lose at home to Wigan or Wolves as win at the Emirates or Eastlands, a prolonged run of form could see the Reds get that fourth place – although Dalglish may be a little more reserved about stating his side’s immediate ambitions.

The most encouraging thing for Liverpool is that they actually look like they can defend again, especially given that their rearguard was so obviously a weakness during the first half of the season.

As recently as the 2-2 Mersey Derby three weeks back it looked as though Kenny Dalglish and Steve Clarke would have their work cut out to instil sense and composure into their defence; a very well-drilled Liverpool haven’t conceded in the four matches since, employing in the last two matches a well-considered new system employing three centre-backs.

Despite their matchwinning defensive resolve at Chelsea, Liverpool will probably face sterner tests against less heralded opponents, considering the lacklustre efforts from the champions. Irrespective of the challenges that lay ahead it’s almost impossible to imagine Liverpool finishing below sixth, and who would’ve predicted that six weeks ago?

Louis Saha
If Saha could avoid missing so many matches through injury, Everton wouldn’t find themselves wasting season after season wallowing around in the lower midtable hoping for a late-season surge to add some respectability to the campaign. Although, to be frank, had the Frenchman avoided the physio’s table for longer than three months at a time he probably wouldn't be at the club.

Saha has made just 46 league starts in his two-and-a-half years at Everton, but he's always straight back in the team when fit – he’s by far the best striker David Moyes has, even when he’s not firing. Fortunately for the Toffees, Saha is currently in somewhat of a hot streak, and took his tally for 2011 to eight in six matches with a four-goal salvo against resilient Blackpool. Now, about that late-season surge…

Carlos Tevez
A third City hat-trick for the little Argentine, although not a ‘proper’ hat trick this time. Two penalties? We don’t care if it’s your birthday and your kids are watching – you only get half points for that. Fortunately, City still get all three.

Niko Kranjcar
Tottenham’s Croatian schemer (not him, the other one) has endured a frustrating season, having found himself stuck behind Rafael van der Vaart, Luka Modric and Gareth Bale in Harry Redknapp’s pecking order. Still, what better to take your anger out on than the back-end of a Premier League matchball? And if it rockets into the back of the net, all the better.

Although we're not sure if it's quite such a positive manifestation of a player's ire to storm off down the tunnel the second the final whistle is blown, thwacking the ball into the crowd and actively avoiding the embrace of the first-team coach in the process…

Cheik Tiote
Crash, bang, wallop – what a strike! One of very few players with the right to return to the Newcastle dressing room at half-time on Saturday with his head held relatively high, Tiote ultimately proved to be the man to draw the Magpies level with a superbly taken volley.

It’s probably not overstating it to suggest this comeback was a pivotal point in Newcastle’s season – had they been comprehensively ‘smashed’ by the Gunners on their own patch, heads would have dropped, not least after the controversial departure of leading scorer and talisman Andy Carroll.

Tony Pulis
Say what you like about Stoke’s direct style of play – and we’re sure most of you do – but you can’t argue that it isn’t effective enough to keep the ‘unfashionable’ side in the Premier League for four successive seasons. It may not be sexy, stylish or all continental-like (not unlike Pulis himself, in fact) but it consistently gets the Potters results – including Saturday’s 3-2 victory over Sunderland, in which their three goals came from a high balls into a crowded box being jabbed home from a cumulative distance of about six yards.

James McCarthy
The 56th minute of a Premier League game isn’t usually the best time for a spot of penalty-box ball-juggling, but it proved worthwhile for Wigan’s McCarthy, whose Bergkamp-esque trickery was rewarded with the Latics’ third goal in a much-needed 4-3 victory.

VILLAINS

Petr Cech and Branislav Ivanovic
Steven Gerrard’s floated 69th-minute cross wasn't easy to defend, bouncing awkwardly on the edge of the six-yard box in the middle of the goal with Dirk Kuyt hurtling towards it. But one or other of Cech and Ivanovic needed to deal with it, as failure to do so was always likely to be punished. Raul Meireles did just that.

They can’t say they weren’t given a warning either – a low ball across the six-yard box in the first half presented Maxi Rodriguez with an open goal but the Argentine somehow managed to hit the woodwork from three or four yards. There had also been confusion between Cech and Ivanovic in the first half, when they both went for the same ball twice in the space of two or three seconds: the pair then came to blows and had to be separated by John Obi Mikel, of all people.

The good news for Chelsea, and perhaps for Ivanovic’s eardrums, is that the arrival of David Luiz will see the Serb revert to right-back, well out of Cech’s way – which will certainly be some consolation at the end of the season when the Blues have lost their title.

John Pantsil
A third Premier League own goal of the season, and a second in 10 days, saw the Cottagers fall behind at Villa Park. Fortunately for the Ghanaian, Andrew Johnson and then Clint Dempsey struck to secure a point for Mark Hughes’ team, but it was still an embarrassing moment. Also, while we’re here, he can’t take throw-ins properly – seriously, check it out yourself next time Fulham are in town (or playing on that there television machine). He’s all feet and hands (with the ball in) over the line. It’s crazy.

Heurelho Gomes
You just don’t know what you’re going to get with this guy – and while that’s not always a terrible trait in an attacking player, it is in a goalkeeper. It must leave Harry Redknapp tearing his hair out. Does he move to replace him and risk alienating the fans who see the Brazilian as a cult hero, or leave him in the side and risk seeing Spurs’ top four chances slip through their fingers them like a tame Danny Sturridge 25-yarder?

Gomes is capable – he proved that with a matchwinning display at Blackburn just last week – but his erratic nature could and perhaps should ultimately see him ditched in favour of a steadier, if less spectacular stopper.

Abou Diaby
It’s not hard to see why Diaby was riled by a Joey Barton challenge that was probably just about acceptable but teetered on the reckless: in a 2006 visit to the North-East, the lanky Gunner was left on the sidelines for eight months after a horror tackle from Sunderland’s Dan Smith (now 24, last seen leaving Blyth Spartans).

But to lash out in such a way was always going to result in a red card, and even if the blame for Arsenal’s spectacular capitulation can’t possible land entirely at his door, you can’t argue it wasn’t a major turning point in the match.

Paranoid Arsenal fans
Last night, rumours began to spread across the internet that Interpol (the international police, not the tight-trousered New York indie chaps) were looking to investigate Arsenal's 4-4 draw at Newcastle after being made aware of 'suspicious betting patterns'. You can check them out yourself, but unsurprisingly the tin-foil hat brigade were out in full force. Here are a few choice cuts...

"I fink dat match really needs to be investigated. Something must be wrong for drawin dat match." – The investigation, we rather imagine, will take place on Arsenal's training ground this very morning.

"I think Dowd should be investigated to see if his actions are financially motivated or to see if he has a pattern of mainly penalising [certain] players. It seems like his actions could be racially motivated." – Does it? They aren't.

"Sir Alex told Pardew to get Djourou injured." – No he didn't.

"Yesterday we saw the actions of a corrupt and incompetent referee who punished the foreigners." – Didn’t he send England’s Michael Dawson off last week?

"Did anyone realise that as soon as the Geordie scum scored the fourth goal, they stopped attacking. I can only wonder why. Maybe, just maybe that’s what they had their money on. Every time they went forward they looked liked they were going to score, so why did they not try to win the game?" – Clearly, then, Match of the Day are also in on it, as they showed Kevin Nolan screwing wide an injury-time shot that would have won the home side the match.

"What's happening to AFC is exactly like in America when you try to question 9/11 - you are immediately called a nut case. In England it is there for everyone to see, yet somehow we’re always the whingers or paranoid." – Exactly the same...? That's... just... Good Lord...

FFT recognises that these comments almost certainly don't reflect the views of most sane, non-paranoid Arsenal fans. Please do not send flaming dog-poop in the post. Again.

Premier League officials
There’s really no point putting a heaving downer on what was a compelling and fascinating weekend’s action by dwelling on the many, many brain-straining decisions made by referees and linesmen – apart from anything else, everybody else will be doing it. Suffice to say the standard of officiating in the Sky League is poor, and will probably in time prove to be to the detriment of English sides in Europe and the national team. But that’s probably a dribbling rant for another day…

West Brom’s board
While we aren’t privy to exactly what was going on in the Baggies dressing room – with some journalists ‘in the know’ suggesting Roberto Di Matteo may have rather absent-mindedly ‘lost’ it – disposing of the Italian at this stage of the season does seem a little harsh, even if their current form (one win and one draw in their last seven Premier League matches) is poor. It seems pretty unlikely that, had Albion’s 26 points been spread more evenly across the season, he’d be given the heave-ho. After all, Bolton have also only taken only four points from their last seven league matches and nobody is calling for Owen Coyle’s head.

Wolves
Yeah, that’s right – villains. If they had managed to continually beat the bottom-dwellers rather than the elite, Wolves would probably be out of the bottom three and stand a far greater chance of avoiding the drop. Pick your battles, chaps.

The intimidatingly nicknamed and not particularly ironic Premier Preview

2011-02-04T16:35:00Z

All right, we're running late so let’s get on with it...

SATURDAY

Stoke v Sunderland (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2)

It’s all change in the Stoke line-up: cross-and-finish-duo Matthew Etherington and Kenwyne Jones should return after a rest, the Trinidadian against his former club, while Ryan Shawcross is back from suspension.

Speaking of players who love being getting sent off, Lee Cattermole will spend another month on the sidelines of Sunderland’s top-half push thanks to his ongoing back problem. Apparently he pulled a muscle trying to pick up his massive stack of red and yellow cards.

Sulley Muntari should play, though, and if there’s any justice, keep Cattermole out of the team until he’s learnt to be a good boy (or at least to make his fouls less embarrassingly obvious).

What won’t happen: Hopefully, any confusion from that horribly constructed sentence over whether it’s Etherington or Jones who is Trinidadian. Take a guess

What will happen: Narrow home win

Aston Villa v Fulham (3pm)

We can only hope and pray that Steve Sidwell doesn’t score for Fulham against previous club Villa, as the few football journalists who understand what irony actually is just can’t take any more misuse of the word.

Damien Duff scoring against Newcastle on Wednesday was not ironic, Mr Motson. Stop listening to Alanis Morissette.

Just as ironic was the fact it was Duff’s first league goal in almost a year. Oh, and he’s now made 500 league appearances. And, oddly, he is one of the richest players in football. This is all very ironic. The irony pulsating through these statements is so ironic, you could bottle it in an iron-clad bottle with an ironic label ironically reading, “This, ironically, is ironic.” Pfft.

What won’t happen: Michael Bradley walks onto the pitch singing “My country ‘tis of thee”, scores in his first game on English soil, does a lap of the pitch chanting “U-S-A! U-S-A!” and insists he won’t play again until his dad is made Aston Villa boss

What will happen: Eidur Gudjohnsen has a stinking debut, since this blogger thinks he still has a lot to offer – albeit not a club like Stoke. Draw

Everton v Blackpool (3pm)

Is this the middle of the end for Blackpool? It’s too late to say the beginning of the end – few who would have seen their 3-2 defeat to West Ham herald three home losses in a row immediately afterwards – but they are in the eye of the storm now.

No doubt, results need to change soon, and Ian Holloway needs to stop moaning in a West Country lilt if fans are to remember to love him, not hate him.

Hmm...West Country Lilt. Sounds quite tasty, actually. Fizzy lemon-and-lime cider with a cheddar tang.

Everton haven’t missed Tim Cahill as much as expected during his exploits playing in the Asian Cup with a team that isn’t in Asia, but they have lacked a little cutting edge.

The talisman of the Toffees and the Socceroos – two of the worse nicknames you will ever see in football, and that includes the far from intimidating Shrews, Shrimps and Shrimpers – Cahill is one of those players who can grab a win for a team that doesn’t deserve it on balance of the game.

Also, the David Moyes v Arsene Wenger mouth-fight over Fabregas is getting even better. Don’t stop now, boys.

What won’t happen: An end to the office debate on unthreatening Football League nicknames. Chairboys? Imps? Valiants? THE POSH? Sort it out.

You don’t fancy playing the Pirates, Blades or Daggers though. On the whole, Football League nicknames get more aggressive the closer you get to the Championship: you’d be more scared of the Tigers or the Lions than you would of the Silkmen

What will happen: Thread. Lost. Uh...home win

Man City v West Brom (3pm, Absolute Radio)

Man City being chosen for live coverage? Well, who could predict that?

What won’t happen: A more confusing prospect for this tired brain than three West Brom players being 50/50 (Jara, Cech and Dorrans). Does that make it 150 per cent one of them will feature? Peter Odemwingie will definitely play – that’s much simpler

What will happen: Complaints, understandably, from Man City and West Brom fans unhappy with being the token ‘short prediction to keep this blog’s word count down’. Will a draw please you on both sides? Tough, home win

Newcastle v Arsenal (3pm)

Why this isn’t being covered ahead of Citeh’s inevitable 2-0 win over West Brom is beyond this blogger. It could be a cracking match-up: Newcastle won the away fixture 1-0 with the help of Andy Carroll, now missing, and despite winning their last six games in all competitions, Arsenal do look beatable.

Newcastle will struggle to score, though, in this game and for the rest of the season. Following the terrible news about Shola Ameobi, it’s time for Ranger and Best to step up to the shooting plate like the Wild West gunslingers their names resemble (Peter Lovenkrands, not so much).

The good news for the Toon is that Arsenal “welcome” Sebastien Squillaci back to their ranks after suspension. One to make the Gunners nervous.

What won’t happen: Alan Pardew to introduce himself to Arsene Wenger with the words, “Hello, I’m the real Professor.”

What will happen: Kevin Nolan saves the Magpies – draw

Spurs v Bolton (3pm)

This should probably be on radio too. Sigh. That said, it wouldn’t be pretty seeing Gary Mabbutt and Sandra Redknapp in defence for an injury-wracked Spurs.

The north Londoners are definitely lacking centre-backs - fit ones, at least - and will be hoping for some home advantage to sneak an important win. They can’t afford the gap between them and the top four to widen much more...

Speaking of which, it wasn’t so long ago Bolton were in and around the fifth-place spot as well. They’re back down to eighth now, but could leapfrog Liverpool with a win. Daniel Sturridge may start after his nicely taken gift from Ronaldo Zubar in midweek.

What won’t happen: A dull game: the 4-2 win for Bolton at the Reebok was excellent entertainment

What will happen: An appearance for Jonathan Woodgate, who limps off after 16 seconds. Bongani Khumalo replaces him and lasts even less time, as Spurs’ defence crumbles further. A good draw for the visitors

Wigan v Blackburn (3pm)

A chance for the Latics to start turning their season around and dodge relegation? Sure it is – that doesn’t mean they’ll take it.

Blackburn were unlucky not to win against Spurs, and if Steve Kean is as good a manager as his early promise suggests, he’ll use that performance to galvanise Rovers instead of leading them to dwell on lost points.

Wigan miss two key defenders, Maynor Figueroa and captain Gary Caldwell, while Blackburn will be pleased to see Jermaine Jones has recovered from his back spasm against Tottenham.

What won’t happen: A more boring prediction, ever – sorry about that

What will happen: More crap jokes in the future, and a draw in this game

Wolves v Man United (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

Oh, Ronald Zubar. The last thing a team bottom of the table need when holding on for a vital draw is a terrible backpass/blinding through-ball deep into stoppage time. Poor Mick was speechless after the final whistle, proving, at last and at least, that every cloud has a silver lining.

Frankly, it will take a miracle if Wolves are to win this game, and a heroic effort if they are to gain a draw. They are largely injury-free, while Manchester United are Park-less due to fatigue after the Korean’s Asian Cup efforts. Park Ji-Sung tired? Surely that’s not even possible. Tired of what, hell freezing over?

What won’t happen: Wolves to ship any fewer than three

What will happen: An away win takes United one step closer to the title

SUNDAY

West Ham v Birmingham (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

The Hammers’ slow trudge out of the relegation zone (well, almost – they’re still behind opponents Birmingham on goal difference) has been widely publicised, so much so that it’s easy to forget they’ve played two more matches than the Blues, and one more than relegation rivals Wolves and West Brom. It’s far from over.

Indeed, just nine points separate bottom-placed Wolves from the top half, in a season that could go anywhere but actually sail in the general direction of Wolves, Wigan and West Ham all being relegated. West Brom and Newcastle may flirt with the dropzone, but like the coy mistresses they are, they’ll survive (not sure what happened to that analogy).

Birmingham haven’t lost since their humiliation at Old Trafford, but need an actual win in this potential six-pointer. Worryingly for them, the mightily useful trio Cameron Jerome, Barry Ferguson and Roger Johnson are all doubts.

What won’t happen: This game to take place in either the Championship or the Prem next season

What will happen: West Ham take revenge for the Carling Cup semi-final with another morale-boosting win

Chelsea v Liverpool (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Well, this is a nice quiet fixture for a Sunday afternoon. No controversy, no big story detracting from the football... how lovely.

That isn’t the case, of course, but the Torres talk could subside a touch if he doesn’t start, which is likely. Expect a second-half cameo not quite on the same plane as Luis Suarez’s on Wednesday, which was superb.

Let’s get one thing straight, though: that goal should not have been his. It was a lazy, insouciant finish that Andy Wilkinson completely cocked up in clearing, and should go down as an own goal.

And on similar lines, Match of the Day, don’t go sighing demonstratively over the skill Suarez is supposedly bringing to the Premier League when you’re showing a clip of him giving the ball away with a backheel. And don’t cut away just as an opponent intercepts it either, while claiming it’s genius on the Uruguayan’s part. That’s cheating.

That aside, Suarez did look excellent. He’s still a biting bat-eared b*st*rd cheat, mind.

What won’t happen: A bigger two-middle-fingers-up “F*** YOU!” gesture to Liverpool than Rafa Benitez’s claim he could have sold Torres for £70 million last summer. Nicely done

What will happen: Can it be the Blues overcome the Reds? Bloody hell, even Lawro’s predicting Liverpool to lose this. This blog says: draw

Arsenal star takes extreme measures to avoid injury

2011-02-03T11:40:00Z

Dateline: 15 December 2010, London Colney training ground. Arsenal goalkeeper Lukas Fabianksi apparently takes unusual steps to avoid injury by dressing as Robocop.

Sadly for him, he didn't wear it during the warm-up against Manchester City and now requires shoulder surgery...

The window-slamming, shirt-burning Premier Preview

2011-02-01T15:33:00Z

Pinch, punch, first of the month, and you feel that pseudo-rhyme may be on the lips of many a Premier League manager as he kicks his director of football and/or chairman square in the groin for failing to bring in the players he needs.

Yes, the transfer window is closed, bringing an end to maniacal ravings from all corners of the footballing globe and giving Sky Sports News a free reign to cover sports other than the beautiful game for once – a chance they will obviously take. Obviously.

Some clubs have been busier than others in the cattle market, and though this is a preview blog, it would be off not to review the successes and failures of the transfer window, wouldn't it? Yes, it would.

TUESDAY

Arsenal v Everton (7.45pm)

A last-minute swoop for 19-year-old forward Apostolos Vallios from Iraklis Thessaloniki may not have been every Everton fan's idea of a replacement for the sadly departed Steven Pienaar, but never let it be said the Toffees don't look towards the future. This would be why they've let ageing carthorse Yakubu out on loan to Leicester, where he's already showing that he's not, well, an ageing carthorse…

Arsenal have been quiet, but are similarly keen to let players out on loan, though they're much more of the youngster variety. Holed up in hotels for the foreseeable future are Aaron Ramsey, Gavin Hoyte, Henri Lansbury and Jay 'JET' Emmanuel-Thomas, among others, including the superbly named Wellington Silva, an 18-year-old forward temporarily at Levante.

Continue to let such brilliantly-monikered names go, even on loan, and Arsenal could struggle this season.

What won’t happen: Any kind of system whereby teams with amusingly-named players are given bonus points, unfortunately

What will happen: Home win despite the Gunners being hamstrung (ho ho) by Samir Nasri's absence.

Sunderland v Chelsea (7.45pm)

Like a coke-hound with a biology-defying party trick, Chelsea have paid through the nose for Fernando Torres. Still, what a prospect a frontline of Torres and Drogba would be: it might even be enough for Ancelotti to drop his 4-3-3 along with the underperforming Nicolas Anelka.

When Lampard is injured, Chelsea's midfield of Essien, Ramires and Mikel lacks ingenuity, and having Malouda further back down the pitch to pick up the ball and make things happen could enhance their attacking options, especially if they have Torres and Drogba on the end of any plays.

Sunderland paid £6 million for Beninianianian (Beninise? Beninish?) midfielder Stephane Sessegnon, but stealing Sulley Muntari away from Inter on loan could end up being a deal of better value. The third Ghanaian (Ghanaish? Ghanaese?) at the Stadium of Light still has a lot to prove and knows the Premier League already.

What won’t happen: Torres to score a hat-trick on debut and reveal a T-shirt with an image of Roman Abramovic holding Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley in a double headlock on it.

What will happen: Score draw

"His burning shirt caused toxic fumes - Torres, Torres..."

Manchester United v Aston Villa (8pm, 5 Live Radio

Who'd be Anders Lindegaard, eh? You sign for £3.5 million and already everyone is discussing who will be Edwin van der Sar's replacement. Time to prove himself beyond all measure, and a safe game between the sticks here would be a good start.

Villa have been busy bees during the transfer window. The most surprising move was James Collins on loan to Shrewsbury, until this blogger realised it was the young striker, not the grizzled Welsh defender. That really would have been a drop down the ranks.

Brad Guzan's loan move to Hull, bizarrely coinciding with Vito Mannone's shift at the same club, defeating the object of the keepers moving to get first-team football, means the Villans' deputy dawg is now 35-year-old Andy Marshall, still young enough to Brad Friedel's illegitimate grandchild.

Selling Steve Sidwell was wise; Curtis Davies, perhaps less so. Loaning out Stephen Ireland, John Carew, Isaiah Osbourne and Jonathan Hogg shows innovation, too, as does the purchase of Jean Makoun and Daddy's Boy Michael Bradley.

Villa have also bought some journeyman called Darren Bent, whoever he is.

What won’t happen: So many new faces to settle at Villa straightaway, even if Bent did score on debut

What will happen: Comfortable home win

West Brom v Wigan (8pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2)

Snapping up Carlos Vela on loan could be a brilliant signing for West Brom, presuming, of course, that they can put themselves 3-0 up at every opportunity so the Mexican can slot into his usual 10-minute two-goal game-already-won cameo role. If not, it could be an interesting scenario. "Hang on, gaffer – we're not winning. In fact, we're losing. What am I supposed to do in this situation?"

Wigan, meanwhile, have concentrated all their transfer focus on a marauding bundle of tumbleweed, drifting slowly and effortlessly across a typically empty DW Stadium.

Frankly, it's bizarre a Latics side threatened so intensely by the doom-laden spectre of relegation have been so quiet, £600k deal for Kilmarnock's Conor Sammon aside. Take a look at the picture on his Wikipedia page. That's what £600k gets you these days.

Still, it's good to see these two teams on TV for a change. That’s a nice token from Sky Sports, who know midweek fixtures bring fewer viewers and that there are few better alternative games anyway. Time to crank up the relegation-hype-ometer and tick one off of the rota.

What won’t happen: A thriller, sadly, despite the presence of two attacking teams

What will happen: Home win

WEDNESDAY

Birmingham v Manchester City (7.45pm)

Whisper it but the Sheikhs of Manchester have been oddly quiet, Edin Dzeko the only real signing. Some of the chaff has been thrown on the compost heap, too, with Adebayor, Bridge and Santa Cruz all departing on loan. This is almost approaching sensible business. It won't last.

Speaking of sensible business, Birmingham have done very well to nab Curtis Davies, Obafemi Martins and David Bentley, who scored a peach the other day. That said, this blogger thought they made some excellent signings over the summer and look where that got them: a relegation battle.

What won’t happen: Birmingham to go down

What will happen: Birmingham to have a happy season either, with a defeat here one of many to come. Still, Wembley, eh?

Blackburn v Spurs (8pm)

A £3.5 million late snap-up of Mauro Formica represents some fascinating business by Venky's Rovers, as does a loan move for Barcelona's Ruben Rochina. The chicken magnates will be hoping Formica, bought straight from the Argentine leagues, is less of a balls-up than Wigan's capture of Mauro Boselli.

Jermaine Jones has already impressed on loan from Schalke, though, winning Man of the Match on his debut against West Brom.

There were some... interesting shenanigans from Tottenham on transfer deadline day. Badly in need of a left-back and a world-class striker (Crouch and Defoe have scored one league goal between them this campaign), Spurs not only put in bids for two midfielders to add to the 10 they have already, but woefully inadequate bids at that.

Charlie Adam may have been lured away from Blackpool with the club being remunerated an eight-figure sum (the bid was in excess of Liverpool's £10m), but the offer was made too late in the day to secure signatures from all the required shareholders – this at the end of a month of opportunity. That, my friends, is amateur hour.

And the less said about the £500,000 bid for Phil Neville, the better.

What won’t happen: Quite possibly, Ledley King to feature in any serious capacity again for Spurs: he undergoes groin surgery tomorrow, and given his luck...

What will happen: Away win, 2-1

"Aguero...wait, Rossi. What about Forlan? Errrrm, Phil Neville? No? Balls..."

Blackpool v West Ham (8pm)

You do wonder what some players think when they choose to move to West Ham, a team seemingly destined to be relegated this season. For Gary O'Neil, it is at least a temporary step up from Middlesbrough, but you feel Robbie Keane and Hoffenheim's Demba Ba could do better.

But what is desperation for first-team football on Keane's part is an absolute bargain on West Ham's, especially given Spurs originally said the Irishman was not to depart except on a permanent deal. And £3m recouped for Valon Behrami, sold to Fiorentina, will please the beancounters huddled away in a windowless room under Upton Park.

Blackpool, meanwhile, have had a stunning transfer window, keeping hold of Charlie Adam when few people expected it and securing the services of wily old dogs Andy Reid and James Beattie. Hollywood they may not be, but the Tangerines will be more than happy with a few BAFTA-nominated supporting roles.

What won’t happen: Reid and Beattie are both sent off on debut, getting into a punch-up over who gets the top bunk

What will happen: Surprise away win

Bolton v Wolves (8pm)

Since Bolton's reserves are so crap, apparently, that Owen Coyle refuses to let them warm the bench, it's a bit surprising the Scot hasn't tried to bring in more players during the transfer window.

Daniel Sturridge is an excellent signing on loan, and David Wheater just what they need at the back (a man who looks like The Beast in Disney's The Beauty and David Wheater), but you expected a few more bargain buys to make their way through the Reebok's back door.

Wolves have shown the faultless ambition that sees them 19th in the table, snapping up Jamie O'Hara and Adam Hammill. In fairness – turning into Jamie Redknapp here – the pair could literally be good signings, but they're not game-changers, or indeed, season-changers, Richard.

Similarly, Adriano Basso is a superb third-choice keeper for any Premier League team, but even on a free transfer the 35-year-old won't set Molineux alight.

And one more thing: buying Jelle van Damme - £2.5m. Selling Jelle van Damme after six appearances - £2.5m. The name Jelle van Damme – priceless.

What won’t happen: The Belgian's buddy Marmalade Seagal to join on a free

What will happen: Home win

Fulham v Newcastle (8pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2)

Gael Kakuta and Eidur Gudjohnsen, strangely not wanted by Stoke, are two highly impressive loan signings for Fulham. Newcastle's equivalent is the recently much-traveled Stephen Ireland, who would struggle to settle into a ridiculous tattoos convention at the moment.

And believe it or not, Toon fans, there is life after Andy Carroll. A couple have feared for the club's safety now that The Man Known As Horse has gone (for £35m!), but they needn't worry.

Newcastle should be safe this year, and have a decent-ish collection of strikers in Peter Lovenkrands, Leon Best, Nile Ranger and, uh, Shola Ameobi. Their best bet was to take the money and run, survive this season and then shop in the summer when prices are marginally less insane, rather than panic-buying last night. They made the right decision. Maybe Mike Ashley was asleep - or up to his nose in mashed potato.

What won’t happen: As easy a game for Fulham as they had on Sunday

What will happen: Fulham ride high FA Cup spirits into this game and sneak a victory

Liverpool v Stoke (8pm, TalkSPORT Radio)

Making Jermaine Pennant's deal permanent was good news for the Potters, as was stealing John Carew away from Villa. He'll fit into their style of play nicely, just as fancy-pants flair boys Tuncay (now at Wolfsburg) and Eidur Gudjohnsen (Fulham) didn't.

The Torres transfer was a bolt from (or rather to) the blue, catching many Liverpool fans off guard - but there was no need for the ritualistic burning of his shirt outside the Liverpool training ground. This is not The Wicker Man.

But rather than get into another unhealthy debate about the rationality of some Liverpool fans - the shirt-burners were after publicity more than anything else anyway - it's worth taking a look at the final result of that frantic final day of the transfer window.

Liverpool have, essentially, paid £7.5m plus Fernando Torres for the services of Luis Suarez and Andy Carroll. There's no way Torres should have parted company for £50m - even in football terms, he's not worth that - but it does mean Liverpool have come out all right.

Even the frankly ridiculous sum of money paid for Andy Carroll, a man with one cap and into his second season of top-tier football, now one of the most expensive footballers of all time, has been all but wiped out by the Torres transfer. It's absurd that over £100m would be exchanged on any footballers, of course, but Suarez, Torres and Carroll - well, that just takes the proverbial bourbon.

It's also bad news for those who bet big on Torres to stay with Liverpool at pathetic odds of 1/8.

What won’t happen: A stylish away win

What will happen: The Dalglish bandwagon rumbles on

Could Keys be in hot water after ANOTHER video is leaked online?

2011-01-25T21:50:00Z

Sky Sports presenter Richard Keys could be about to join old mucker Andy Gray in the dole queue, after yet another video featuring lewd comments was posted on YouTube on Tuesday evening. Somebody at Sky clearly doesn't like this guy.

Harmless banter, or worthy of getting the elbow? Take a look and judge for yourself...

Oh Richard, what a charmer you are. The ladies must be queuing up to get wrapped in those thickly-carpeted arms...

Court battles, grass verges & Alan Partridge - the Lewes FC story

2011-01-25T16:40:00Z

Our man Terry Duffelen takes a break from all things Bundesliga-shaped to check out a non-league club with one of the most curious grounds in football...

Unless you're a Palace supporter, it is hard not to notice the enormous stadium on the A27 being constructed for Brighton & Hove Albion FC. The new Amex Stadium is set to become one of the newest sporting arenas in the UK. A short drive down the road from there is, arguably, the oldest.

The Dripping Pan, Lewes is said to have held sporting events as far back as 1745. Today it is the home of Lewes FC of the Blue Square South in the English Non League Pyramid. I first clapped eyes on it as a cocky DFL (Down From London, in the local parlance) standing atop the Mount that looks over the ground, about ten years ago.

I've seen many non league grounds but none as distinctive as the Pan, situated as it is, within the bounds of what was once upon a time, Lewes Priory. A stone wall surrounds it and one side consists merely of a grass verge. The opposite side has a grandstand with a fantasic laser line from one end of the roof to the other. Very olde world yet very spacey.

While it's always a good idea to use avoid using the words "charming" and "quirky" to describe non-league grounds for fear of being accused of condesention, the reality is that the Dripping Pan is both charming and quirky. However, what it is not, is a Football League ground or, with the greatest respect, a Conference national ground. Not, at least in its current guise.

Photo courtesy of Alex Leith

When the club was promoted to the Blue Square Premier in 2008, eyebrows were raised. Could Lewes survive at this level. Were they realistically a club, only one good season away from the Football League? When the manager, Steve King, was sacked immediately after celebrating promotion and almost the entire first team squad followed him out of the door, the answer seemed a very emphatic, no!

So it was that under the stewerdship of Brighton's former commercial manager Kevin Keehan, the club endured a season from Hell, on the pitch. They were relegated on 24 points. Worse still the season at national level had cleaned the club out financially. The following season, Lewes FC successfully battled against relegation from the Blue Square South managed by the chairman Steve Ibbitson and against the courts as their creditors sought to wind the club up.

However, while football may have had a romance bypass at the top level, there are still white knights willing to ride over the hill to the rescue of an ailing football club at the last minute. True to form, that's pretty much what happened. With all the timing of an award winning script came a board of six knights to save the Rooks, among them, an award winning script writer.

Patrick Marber wrote the scripts for the Alan Partridge radio and TV shows. He along with five others formed the Rook125 Group and rescued the club, apparently within minutes of it's extinction.

The board plan to lauch a new share scheme which will allow the club to pass into fan ownership. In the meantime, there is work to be done.

I met another member of the Rook125 group, Alex Leith, last Saturday when I was down at the Pan for Socrates Lewes - a football bloggers meet-up which the club were kind enough to host. Alex was in somber mood as he reflected on another defeat for the team, this time a dissappointing 1-0 loss to Staines Town. He talked about the problems of running a club at that level with so few revenue streams (only one bar, no additional facilities or oil-rich sheiks etc). However, he steadfastly believes that Lewes are well capable of competing at their current level and was excited at the prospect of improving the facilities at the ground.

In the short term however, Lewes may have to go down and go back up again. Rock bottom of a league in which four clubs are relegated and eight points from safety, Lewes have it all to do. However, in manager Tim O'Shea they're in good hands and despite their on field travails, the supporters can at least rest assured that their club is safe and soon will be in their own hands.

Was Peter Bonetti a punk?

2011-01-24T12:38:00Z

Needing, as you do, a picture of Peter Bonetti, we noticed these two consecutive images on the Press Association's search engine. Perhaps it was the spirit of punk floating down the King's Road, but it looks like the Cat had been dragged through a few hedges in 1977...

Heroes & Villains: Gary Glitter, Kryptonite, hypocrisy & bad suits

2011-01-24T12:28:00Z

Hello, hello - it’s good to be back, it’s good to be back. No, not Gary Glitter - he’s never coming back - rather Heroes and Villains, which makes its long-awaited return to FourFourTwo.com following a snow/eggnog/FA Cup-enforced month-long hiatus.

HEROES

Raul Meireles

Sure, Fernando Torres scored twice and looked hungry and driven on a football pitch for the first time in 18 months, while Kenny Dalglish has undoubtedly lifted the gloom that has engulfed Anfield over a similar period. But Saturday was still Meireles’ day.

A superb performance capped with what is almost certain to be one of the goals of the season left Reds fans wondering why the bloody hell he hadn’t looked anywhere near capable of such brilliance in his first five months on Merseyside.

The answer, almost certainly, is tactical. Meireles suits a team playing the ball on the deck and unlocking defences with tidy and efficient passing - a culture Dalglish will look to reintroduce. Apart from anything else, for Meireles it means the ball isn’t flying over his head for 90 minutes.

Interestingly, the Portuguese has benefited from the absence of the suspended Steven Gerrard, having been given the freedom to play in a more advanced role than he had previously done for Liverpool. When Captain Marvel returns for Wednesday’s visit of Fulham, Dalglish has a choice to make: shift Meireles back to accommodate Gerrard just off Torres, or rein in the skipper's 'Roy of the Rovers’ style by instructing him to play deeper. Good luck with that one, Kenneth...

Look, it's Liverpool - and they're smiling and everything...

Dimitar Berbatov

If Berbatov was less lazy he’d probably have scored six hat-tricks so far this season - but no, he insists on nonchalantly traipsing about, barely managing to lead the Premier League goalscoring charts by three goals.

Indeed, he’s scored as many Premier League hat-tricks this season as Wayne Rooney has Premier League goals. Perhaps more than Rooney's fall from grace, it's a telling sign of Berbatov's rise to pre-eminence.

To be fair to the pug-eared, pug-faced little chap, he was heavily involved in United’s best moments of the match - especially for Ryan Giggs' superb goal, for which he exchanged passes with the Bulgarian, who had casually tackled David Murphy while sprawled face-down on the floor. Who says he's too laid-back?

Aaron Lennon

Tottenham’s wing-whippet has developed a handy knack of popping up late to rescue his side in times of need - sort of like Superman swooping in at the last second to catch a train plunging from a bridge, except Lennon could probably handle a teenie bit of Kryptonite. His last-gasp leveller at Newcastle keeps Spurs in the Champions League hunt, but unless Chelsea’s malaise continues for a good few weeks yet, you have to wonder whether Harry Redknapp’s side can achieve a second successive top-four finish while coping with the distraction of European football.

Aston Villa’s centre-backs

...all four of them. While Darren Bent grabbed the headlines with his crucial debut goal, it was the performances of Villa’s back four - particularly the duo that actually played centrally on the night, James Collins and Richard Dunne - that ultimately unhinged Manchester City.

That’s not to say occasional right-back Carlos Cuellar and auxiliary left-back Ciaran Clark didn’t have a good evening.

Clark - fresh from getting a body part in the way of pretty much every David Bentley cross in last weekend’s derby at Birmingham - even had the composure to deflect Nigel de Jong’s drilled 30-yard effort onto the base of the post using his backside. Either that or it was a fluke.

Robin van Persie

The Dutchman netted his first Sky League treble as Arsenal kept up the pressure on Manchester United in the Premier League’s ever-dwindling title race with a 3-0 win over Wigan, continuing his own mini renaissance in the process.

This match-winning performance followed another against West Ham in the Gunners’ last league outing - an encouraging sign for Arsene Wenger and the Emirates faithful, with the Premier League still there to be won.

The frustrating thing for Arsenal is that he’s less likely to be ever-present than to miss half a dozen games through injury between now and May - which would leave Arsene reliant on Marouane Chamakh and Nicklas Bendtner.

"Findus Crispy Pancakes for tea - GET IN!"

David 'Junior' Hoillet

Worth his place simply for seeing off West Brom with a quite stunning goal - sorry - GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL. Unusual to see that number of Os in a word and not see an exclamation mark at the end, but we’re not bloody savages now, are we?

VILLAINS

Kieran Richardson

A slight tweak in Sunderland’s post-Bent system saw the former Manchester United trainee pushed up into a more advanced role supporting Asamoah Gyan. Happily for Steve Bruce, it paid off, with Richardson gliding onto the end of Gyan’s through ball to put the Black Cats ahead, before sweeping home a Steed Malbranque pass at the near post to double Sunderland's lead.

But wait, you cry in confusion - this is the 'villains’ section. Yes, that’s because Richardson’s opener came only after the former England international had booted Blackpool defender Neil Eardley square in the schnozzle - leaving the dazed Welshman to have his bloodied nose tended to on the touchline while Richardson exploited the gaping hole in the hosts' back line.

To add insult to injury - in as literally a sense as is realistically possible without being El Hadji Diouf - Richardson then celebrated in a chest-pumping, pouty fashion with neither guilt nor decorum. Still, two down, 23 more to go of Bent’s now-missing 25 goals a season...

Wolves full-backs

If there’s one thing you have to do when playing offside with a high defensive line, it’s make sure one of your full-backs isn’t ambling about 15 yards behind everybody else, playing the world, his dog and Dirk Kuyt onside. If Liverpool’s second goal was unstoppable, their first and third were eminently avoidable, and Mick McCarthy will presumably be highly concerned that his defence was in such a shambolic state.

Ian Holloway

Olly has been hauled into the FourFourTwo High Court for villainous villains for the first time this season, after regular dashes with hero-dom. His crime? Hypocrisy - and we don’t look too kindly on hypocrites in these parts (side note apropos nothing: if we say something that negates something else we have said at some point, it was intentional and we were being all ironic and stuff).

Holloway has made a huge embarrassing drunk uncle-style song and dance about rival Premier League clubs sniffing around midfielder Charlie Adam and making what he has called ‘offensive’ offers for the player.

Funnily enough, Peterborough weren’t too happy when Holloway’s interest in George Boyd manifested itself in a bid less than those they had received for the same player a year before. Director of Football Barry Fry dismissed the Tangerines' £2 million bid by stating "We wouldn't sell Boyd for £2 million anyway. We turned down £2.5 million last season so why would we sell him for less now?”

Now who's playing hard-ball?

"Four and a half million? It's raaaaaaang..."

Seamus Coleman

The Irish full-back-come-winger was blessed with the chance to re-create his recent goal against Spurs in Saturday’s draw with West Ham, but instead proceeded to awkwardly blast the ball over the crossbar rather than nod past a stranded keeper. Bad choice...

Keith Fahey

Coleman’s blushes were spared somewhat by compatriot Keith Fahey - who missed a chance at least 100 times more gilt-edged. Sure, the ball may have been played in just behind him, but he was four yards from goal with the nearest half of the net to aim at, but miscontrolled. Let’s be honest though, it would have been little more than a shiny penny sticking out of the steaming pile of dog poop that was Birmingham's day.

Freddie Piquionne

Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Although in this instance the 'player’ is the referee and 'the game’ the rules. Confusing? Evidently so for tabloid chumps who like nothing better than prattling on about the game's lack of 'common sense’.

The Frenchman knew that jumping into the crowd - even in the throes of post-goal elation - would probably result in a yellow card. Having been booked minutes earlier, he was taking a stupid risk, and suffered the ultimate penalty (well, apart from the death penalty, but even Pierluigi Collina didn't award those).

Granted, it’s a stupid rule, but it is a rule nonetheless. And pundits: you can't have both 'consistency' and 'common sense'. In fact, it would help if you could provide either. Speaking of which...

Andy Gray and Richard Keys

If there's any justice in the world, by the time you read this blog these two misogynist meatheads would have been sacked for their astonishing sexist duologue against fully-trained Premier League official Sian Massey.

The sad reality is that they'll get away with it because 'it was just a bit of banter', despite that defence not having saved Rodney Marsh or Ron Atkinson from the dole queue (as we write this, we hear the dunderheaded duo may be 'suspended' for tonight's match between Bolton and Chelsea).

Bear in mind these hateful words (just listen to Keys’ voice, there’s hate there) came from Andy Gray - a man who, given his constant blathering about ‘daylight’ evidently doesn’t understand the offside rule himself, and Richard Keys - who, let’s face it, is a just a drum-banging cheerleader in a bad suit.

"...and put the kettle on, love!"

You could almost understand there being a bit of a hoo-haa about a Premier League match being officiated by a female assistant... had it not first happened 12 years ago. (To put that into context for Sky, that was seven years after the inauguration of the Premier League, and therefore football.)

Not that such tripe would be excusable had Wendy Toms never existed; this is 2011, more than 30 years since Britain elected a female Prime Minister.

Perhaps subconsciously trying to counteract the dinosaur duo’s abhorrent bigotry, other parts of the media slightly patronised Massey, most notably when she correctly spotted that Raul Meireles was onside in the build-up to Liverpool’s opener at Wolves. "He's just onside - she's got it right!" Match of the Day commentator Steve Bower over-emphasised.

That said, maybe people were right to be surprised, considering Massey has had the same training as the Premier League’s other officials...

The rescheduled and extended Premier Preview

2011-01-21T15:41:00Z

On paper it isn’t a cracking weekend of Premier League action, but at least it goes on forever: previous cancellations mean the fixtures keep on coming all the way up until Wednesday. Hurrah! Football!

Do leave comments, by the way – feel free to make your own predictions and take issue with the nonsense below. It’s not that this blogger feels hopelessly lonely (though that is also true); more that the possibility for different opinions is great because predictions are such a widely varying...thing.

Yeah.

SATURDAY

Wolves v Liverpool (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

At first you can’t help but wonder why 5 Live would choose to use its precious credits in covering this early kick-off when Sky Sports is showing it, but then you realise that both radio and television stations are basically going to keep showing Liverpool games until Kenny Dalglish wins one.

This is a good chance for King Kenny to get off the mark, but it’s not as if he needs to alleviate any pressure: he’d be a fan favourite even if he got Liverpool relegated, and club chairman Tom Werner has already said he’s impressed by the progress, even the turnaround, the Scot has led.

Turnaround? Two defeats, one draw? Maybe standards are slipping. Still, Dalglish has lifted spirits, got the players on his side, fans love him etc. etc. You do ask yourself what he would have to do to become unpopular on the red end of Merseyside. You feel relegation wouldn’t be enough. Take a dump on a portrait of Bill Shankly, perhaps?

What won’t happen: Dalglish to take a dump on a portrait of Bill Shankly, perhaps

What will happen: Wolves won this fixture at Molineux just three weeks ago, and if they keep their nerve they could win this one – especially with Steven Gerrard still serving a suspension. Instead, they do enough to grind out a 0-0 draw

Arsenal v Wigan (3pm)

Arsenal beautiful, Wigan unpredictable etc. – these predictions write themselves, don’t they?

Oh well, in the interest of enlightenment (pfft), it’s worth noting that Wigan have lost only one game in their last eight, and drew with Arsenal at the Arthur-esque DW Stadium days before the New Year, the last time the Gunners conceded in the Prem. Still, they’ve never lost to Wigan at home...

Not-quite-disastrously-for-them-but-still-very-annoyingly, Wigan are still without Tom Cleverley, Victor Moses and James McCarthy, all missing various limbs. Arsenal could welcome back Abou Diaby.

What won’t happen: Wigan put in the performance of their season to win by three goals

What will happen: Honestly? Thumping home win

Blackpool v Sunderland (3pm)

Probably the simplest way of looking at the Darren Bent transfer saga is that Sunderland did have him, and now they don’t. For all the rage, fury and impotent (though largely justified) whining, Steve Bruce should remember that self-evident fact. It’s happened now. Move on.

That said, likely new signing Ricardo Fuller is a good player who will chase every cause and run all day but compared with natural goalscorer Bent, it’s not quite the same...

What won’t happen: Bruce to answer loaned-out David Healy MBE’s calls, even with Bent betraying him and Welbeck out injured

What will happen: A readymade Blackpool take their chance with a typically unchanged squad

Can David Healy fill the Bent-shaped void at Sunderland? Errrrm, probably not...

Everton v West Ham (3pm)

January sure is a busy month for West Ham: they’re scheduled to play eight games in all, with this being no6. Luckily, they have a talented, sizeable squad capable of...oh, that sentence isn’t even worth finishing.

Much like Avram Grant’s tenure, perhaps – though thanks to some dithering from the West Ham board, after weeks of disgraceful speculation and backbiting started entirely by themselves, he’s still hanging on to the ledge of Premier League management by his fingernails. He’s surviving game by game, it seems, but a defeat here would still be unlikely to see him ousted from that ledge and plummet to the ground below.

Everton, meanwhile, may miss Steven Pienaar more than they realise at first, even if the Saffa has contributed a total of zero assists this season. With Tim Cahill knobbing about in the Asian Cup, they look a little underpowered in midfield.

What won’t happen: The Hammers to nab their first win at Goodison since 2005

What will happen: Arteta does the job: 1-0

Fulham v Stoke (3pm)

Impressively, Stoke’s combined defenders have scored more times this season than Fulham’s combined strikers, and even had more shots at goal. That probably says more about the Cottagers’ bad run of injuries, but still.

The Potters, in fact, are eighth and on the verge of signing John Carew; while the Norwegian may be no Demba Ba, he’d be an excellent player to fit into Stoke’s system, especially one losing Ricardo Fuller to Sunderland. All these good signings are really putting paid to that prediction of relegation. *shakes fist in general direction of bookies*

What won’t happen: Fulham, with a 50% draw record thanks to 11 stalemates in 22 games, go all out and record a thumping 4-0 victory

What will happen: Steve Sidwell could make his home debut, meaning he’ll most likely get injured or score an own goal or something. The game heads for a bore draw until Stoke sneak a late winner

Manchester United v Birmingham (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

As much as we want to invigorate excitement and debate, look: Man United have won the title.

At least, that’s this blogger’s pessimistic opinion, and interestingly, it’s one that’s not shared by many others. Some think it’ll go right down to the wire; some are firmly behind Arsenal claiming the title; others think Man City will sail away with it. The best we can all hope for is a close finish.

This is the kind of game that could theoretically derail Manchester United’s campaign briefly, if it wasn’t for the fact that Srralex’s former charges genuinely roll over and die for him.

Still, Ben Foster could be key here: despite that horrific error in the Carling Cup semi, he’s been one of the most impressive keepers in the Prem this season. But then he’s had to be – despite playing just two more games than opposing number Edwin van der Sar, he’s had to make 104 saves to the Dutchman’s 42.

It’s pressure that won’t let up with the terrible news for Birmingham that ultra-reliable Scott Dann is out for the season.

What won’t happen: Alex McLeish to be fired – a ridiculous claim if ever there was one

What will happen: Dull, boring, predictable home win

Did Ben Foster's performance vs West Ham impress old boss Fergie? Errrrm, probably not...

Newcastle v Spurs (3pm, Absolute Radio)

Random stat of the day: the average time Newcastle score their first goal in a game is on 40 minutes. The average time Spurs score their first goal in a game is on...40 minutes.

So there you go.

What won’t happen: Stevie P to slot into the Tottenham team straightaway, though his inclusion should remind ‘Arry he has at least three midfields to get rid of...

What will happen: Frustrating draw for ‘title-chasing’ Spurs (come on, really?)

Aston Villa v Manchester City (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

So THAT’S why Villa signed Darren Bent in such a hurry: he’s scored three goals in his last four appearances against Man City. Blimey, football really is becoming a short-term results business.

Bad news for Houllier, then, as Villa have taken only five points from 30. However, the side is turning a corner, and Bent will certainly help. But will it be long before he becomes a Scott Parker, carrying a team on his back?

That’s an exaggeration, of course – Villa’s squad is too big for Geoff Capes to carry – but he may end up regretting a move from European challengers to safety-chasers. It’s like when he left Spurs: maybe he just really hates playing abroad.

What won’t happen: City and Villa to ‘try something’ and agree a Dzeko-Bent swap at half-time

What will happen: Bent to score on debut but City to triumph

SUNDAY

Blackburn v West Brom (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Steve Kean could turn out to be a very good manager, but right now he’s a very good lucksmith. With Big Sam fired for no discernible reason except a lack of attractive football being played, caretaker man Kean was strangely given until the end of the season by chicken vendors Venky’s, who have now extended his contract until 2013.

Utterly, utterly bizarre. Still, good luck to him.

Boaz Myhill will continue in goal for West Brom, as Welsh keepers carry on deposing first-choice glovesmen in the top flight (well, Myhill and Wayne Hennessey, anyway). They’ll be feeling a bit better about things now they’ve ended that horrible run of six straight defeats with a last-gasp win against Blackpool.

What won’t happen: Fabio Capello to be sacked next week and Steve Kean to be given the England job – but only because the even luckier Alan Pardew gets there first, looking around him dazed and confused at his own fortune

What will happen: A struggle for all involved. Draw

Could Blackburn's Steve Keane be the next England manager? Errrrm, probably not...

MONDAY

Bolton v Chelsea (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

This is a potentially excellent tie for Monday night footbaaaall, which means it’ll inevitably turn out to be awful.

Wanderers’ Wheater-wangling is a shrewd bit of business, especially as their centre-backs numbered two before his arrival, and their subs bench rarely more. The ex-Boro man will have to deal with a rejuvenated Frank Lampard straightaway, who is back from injury and has scored seven goals in 11 games against Bolton. Chelsea haven’t lost to the Trotters in 14 meetings.

And while we’re statting, Ancelotti’s charges have the highest pass completion ratio this season while Coyle’s side have committed the most fouls, the dirty beggars.

What won’t happen: A Bolton clean sheet – strangely, they’ve not made a successful shut-out against any London side in 20 Premier League matches

What will happen: Score draw

TUESDAY

Blackpool v Manchester United (7.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD)

Oh go on then, let’s carry on into the overflow games.

I rued how unfortunate ESPN were to miss out on this fixture when it was cancelled, forgetting, of course, they’d have it back – albeit not straight after the 3pm kick-offs, but at the less friendly time of Tuesday night when Holby City is on.

Verdict: away win

What won’t happen: Blackpool to hold onto Charlie Adam beyond this year, though he may stay for the season

What will happen: We told you already!

Wigan v Aston Villa (7.45pm, 5 Live Radio Extra)

The 5 Live website originally claimed the station was covering this game Monday night, which was impressive, it being a full 24 hours before kick-off.

Unfortunately, it’s only covering it live, rather than pre-live. The Latics-Villa match-up is just on 5 Live Radio Extra, though – the main thing is covering the Arsenal-Ipswich Carling Cup second-semi second-leggy.

What won’t happen: Charles N’Zogbia to be tapped up by Houllier during the game, kidnapped during distraction from a corner, and to reappear in injury time in an Aston Villa shirt, ala Dzeko in the Villa v Man City game

What will happen: Wigan win. If we keep predicting it, one day it will actually happen

WEDNESDAY

Liverpool v Fulham (8pm)

When this fixture was meant to have been played (18th December), it would have been a fascinating insight into how Fulham were progressing without Hodgson, as much as how Liverpool were progressing with him. The two would come head-to-head in a fiery but friendly encounter, with tributes paid by away fans to the jowly one’s achievements at Craven Cottage while supporters of his current club steadily ignored him, and Mark Hughes looked on wondering what he’s meant to be doing to get out of this mess...

Oh well, never mind.

What won’t happen: Anything but a home win, as King Kenny breaks his duck

What will happen: Don’t know. Look, it’s on bloody Wednesday...

Bergkamp! Klinsmann! Giggs! Shearer! Messi! Ronaldo! Romario! Now!

2011-01-19T11:10:00Z

It’s our 200th issue, with four different covers. And here are eight reasons why you should get it, NOW!

Ryan Giggs
We sit down with the Welsh Wizard to chat about the evolution of football and how even after 20 years he wouldn’t dream of calling the boss ‘Alex’. We also get his take on some iconic images during his career – from rubbing shoulders with royalty, to revealing THAT chest...

Dennis Bergkamp One-on-One
The iceman cometh, and your questions he did answereth (sorry). Why did the Italian media call him a donkey? Who was his favourite strike partner? What was his favourite goal? FourFourTwo goes to Amsterdam to chat to the non-flying Dutchman...

Romario
Startlingly straight-shooting interview with the former PSV, Barcelona and Brazil centre-forward – but then again what else would you expect from the man who feels he's second only to Pele? Cartoons of Mario Zagallo and Zico are emblazoned on the toilet doors of his bar and Hristo Stoichkov is godfather to one of his kids. If only all players were that cool...

Jurgen Klinsmann: Action Replay
FFT talks to North London’s favourite German about his golden season at Spurs where he arrived a ‘diver’, and left a cult hero...

Future Football
Imagine a world with robotic refs, chameleon kits and £200 million players. By our estimate, this should all become a reality in 2027, when FourFourTwo hits 400 issues. We take a look at the advances this whole new world will bring to technology and tactics, and wonders whether we'll finally get goal-line decisions right…

Ronaldo – The Phenomenon
Exclusive eulogies from former opponents, team mates and managers on the original R9. Special tribute from the late Sir Bobby Robson, who managed the Brazilian at PSV and Barcelona.

Lionel Messi is the best player ever... Discuss
Well, is he? Yes, obviously FIFA (and FFT) believe that he is currently the best player in the world, but how does the diminutive Argentinian fair alongside some of the greatest ever (including that other diminutive Argentinian)? We examine the evidence at hand, and find out whether ‘The Flea’ rates himself as highly as the rest of us do...

Tactics: Who needs 'em?
Not Harry Redknapp, apparently, but how much do they really work? Can good tactics make up for bad players? Or are they just something that coaches use to kid themselves into thinking that they have control over millionaire playboys? FFT delves into the world of chalkboards, zonal marking and catenaccio...

To make this 200th issue of FourFourTwo, we've had a quiet word or three with: Dennis Bergkamp, Lee Dixon, Paul Benson, Ashley Williams, Michael Gray, Anthony Pilkington, Andrew Amers-Morrison, Andy Morrison, Michel Salgado, Dimitar Berbatov, Danny Wilson, Kevin Davies, Ryan Giggs, Dave Whelan, Paul Jewell, Roberto Martinez, Romario, Javier Mascherano, Charly Rexach, Alfredo di Stefano, Lionel Messi, Alan Shearer, Mauro Silva, Aad de Mos, Gianluigi Buffon, Luiz Felipe Scolari, Gaizka Mendieta, Graham Poll, Phil Brown, Jurgen Klinsmann, Martin Palermo, Jose Luis Chilavert, Darren Bent, Jermain Defoe, Darren Purse, David Hunt and Rio Ferdinand.

Alright, I'm convinced – where can I get one?

The piratical, practical genius of Nat Lofthouse

2011-01-17T13:47:00Z

Paul Simpson pays tribute to the Bolton and England legend, who has died in his beloved home town.

Lean, hard as nails and as modest as they come, the great Nat Lofthouse could do three things very well: run, shoot and head. But the legendary England and Bolton striker couldn’t, as the trainer George Taylor once told him, “trap a bag of washing”.

Lofthouse’s particular genius was that he prospered because, after a stern lecture by Taylor, he worked so hard on the three things he did well that he learned to do them even better. He delivered – as the title of his autobiography suggests – Goals Galore.

The phrase “Lion of Vienna” will be forever associated with Lofthouse. He earned the nickname by leading England to victory over Austria in Vienna on 25 May 1952. His second goal in that 3-2 typified his game. He picked up a through ball from Tom Finney, ran half the length of the pitch and struck the ball into the back of the net before colliding with the keeper and knocking himself out, going to sleep, Billy Wright said, “as surely as if Rocky Marciano had clipped him on the chin.” The Times noted: “It was his example throughout the match that led scores of British soldiers pouring through the crowd at the end of the game to cheer him, lion-hearted, from the field.”

Lofthouse in typical pose on England duty

Football’s hard men are usually defenders. But Nat was an iron man, his robust physique the legacy of shifts down the mines during World War II. He was trying to progress at his beloved hometown club at the same time so his Saturdays, as Dean Hayes noted in his 1999 book Bolton Wanderers, must have run something like this: “Up at 3.30am, catching the 4.30 tram to work, eight hours down the pit pushing tubs, collected by the team coach, playing for Bolton”.

In the 1940s and 1950s, centre-forwards had to put it about a bit to prosper. In the 1958 FA Cup Final, with most of England willing Busby’s babeless Manchester United to win the cup, Lofthouse famously scored his game-clinching second goal by shoulder-charging keeper Harry Gregg (who was holding the ball) into the net. Nearing 33 years old, Lofthouse proudly captained a "£110 team" assembled for no more than their £10 signing-on fees.

Ciggie, beer, champagne and Cup

Lofthouse – and Bolton – might have been feeling over-zealous that day: five years earlier they had lost the legendary 1953 final to Blackpool and Stanley Matthews, Wanderers being effectively down to 10 men as left-half Eric Bell tried to play on with a torn hamstring. Lofthouse, who had been named 1953's Football Writers' Footballer of the Year and topped the First Division scoring charts with 30 goals, had put Bolton in front after little more than a minute to complete his record of scoring in every FA Cup round.

But the Gregg incident was typical Lofthouse. As HD Davies said: “Some like to get their effects by stealth, others by rank piracy. Nat is in the latter class and when he opens out all his guns he is a sight to see.” His opponents could play just as rough, if not rougher. In a seriously unfriendly friendly in 1953, a crowd of Chilean players attacked him after his shot struck one of their teammates straight in the face.

Not that Lofthouse objected to a bit of rough-housing. His most famous quote sums up the prevailing attitude of a different era: "There were plenty of fellas who would kick your b*ll**ks off," he recalled. "The difference was that at the end they'd shake your hand and help you look for them."

Footballer of the Year and top scorer in 1953

Lofthouse’s style wasn’t always pretty but it was pretty effective – he banged in 285 goals for Bolton between 1946 and 1960 and 30 goals in 33 internationals for England. He is still the sixth most prolific England goalscorer ever, quite an accomplishment given that he didn’t make his debut until he was 25. It took Alan Shearer, the Premiership-era striker who most resembles Lofthouse, 63 internationals to match Lofthouse’s haul for England.

Although English soldiers took the Bolton centre-forward to their hearts, England’s selectors were not always willing to let the Lion of Vienna roar. He missed the 1950 World Cup – it is tempting to contemplate the difference his uncompromising instinct for goal might have made as England lost 1-0 to a makeshift USA – and played twice in 1954, scoring a brace in a 4-4 draw with Belgium and once as England lost 4-2 to Uruguay in the quarter-final. Four years later, he and Stanley Matthews missed the final cut for Sweden, a decision that, as Bobby Robson caustically noted, delighted the world’s defenders.

Rising high above the Belgian defence at the 1954 World Cup

Lofthouse’s death reminds us how much has changed in football. Yugoslavia, the country he scored twice against on his England debut in 1950, doesn’t even exist today. His signing-on fee when he joined Bolton in 1939 was £10 – he’d never seen so much money before and nearly fainted when he was given a pair of white five pound notes.

He spent his entire career at the same club and when he finally retired through injury, he returned – after the inevitable spell as a pub landlord – to Bolton, initially as a second trainer, to clean boots and toilets, later becoming coach, a not too successful manager, chief scout, general manager, and finally lifetime president.

Proud again as Bolton rejoin the elite in 2001

Lofthouse flourished in a heroic, black and white era, when England’s claim to be masters of the global game was not completely ludicrous. Eighteenth months after Lofthouse’s finest 90 minutes in an England shirt, that belief was crushed by Hungary at Wembley. Luckily for Nat, he wasn’t on the pitch that day.

Even his nickname seems arcane and archaic. As Michael Parkinson points out in his essay on Lofthouse: “We don’t call people ‘lion-hearted’ anymore, we say ‘they’ve got bottle’. We don’t have centre-forwards any more, we call them strikers. It is not just the game that has changed, so has our way of thinking about it, of describing it.”

But Lofthouse’s illustrious career still holds some lessons for footballers today. When he started at Bolton, he was drilled by the reigning centre-forward George Hunt. “Y’know, Nat,” Hunt said one day, “you’ve got a cracking shot in your right boot and your left isn’t bad but I think with a bit of work, we could make your left even stronger than the right.”

Lofthouse knew his mentor was being slightly disingenuous. The young striker’s left foot was, he admitted, “little more than a swinger” but he agreed to work on it. So he spent six hours a day on the Burnden Park turf, with a carpet slipper on his right foot and a boot on his left. Hunt would throw the ball at him from all angles and he would try to hit it first time into the net with his left foot.

For me, the image of the diligent Lofthouse in carpet slipper and boot says more about his enduring greatness than his lion-hearted display in Vienna. The name Nathaniel comes from a Hebrew word which means “God has given”. Luckily for Bolton, England and football, Lofthouse was never content to rely on what God had given him.

Nathaniel "Nat" Lofthouse, OBE
Born Bolton, 27 Aug 1925; died Bolton, 15 Jan 2011
Bolton Wanderers: 503 appearances, 285 goals
England: 33 appearances, 30 goals

We can make you better

2011-01-14T16:21:00Z

Quick quiz question: what links Wayne Rooney, Andres Iniesta, Fernando Torres, Ashley Cole, Jermain Defoe, Rio Ferdinand, Ibrahima Sonko, Graham Taylor, Iain Dowie and Matt Le Tissier?

If you said ‘I’ve heard of them’, that would be true. But the answer we were looking for was: they all appear on our so-new-you-can-still-smell-the-packaging sister site FourFourTwo Performance.

Dedicated to improving the performance of all footballers, whatever their level, wherever they play, FourFourTwo Performance takes deep insight and practical advice from the pros… and gives it to you.

That means big-names stars telling you how they do what they do, top managers explaining the secrets of their success and priceless advice from the men behind the men: fitness coaches, technical specialists, nutritionists, physios, psychologists, sports scientists.

Readers of our magazine will be familiar with the concept: give us 10 minutes of your time and we’ll turn you into a better footballer. And now it’s online.

For starters, you might like to try this little lot:

• Falcao (The World’s Most Skilful Player) shows you how to make a rainbow

• Ashley Cole on handling different wingers

• Rio Ferdinand on communicating with team-mates

• How Xavi is perhaps the world's best playmaker

• Newcastle United’s foot fire drill

• Matt Le Tissier: the master of the art of penalties

• Ibrahima ‘The Beast’ Sonko helps you build yourself up

• Wayne Rooney on, ahem, adapting to different partners

And when you’ve perfected that lot, just keep coming back: there’s plenty more there and even more on the way...

The Simon Mayo-baiting, inaccurate crossing Prem Previews

2011-01-14T14:43:00Z

Hang on, what’s this? A keyboard? What’s that then?

Yes, after a break from blogging long enough for some 30-odd games to go largely unpredicted, your weekly diversion from the real world into rambling nonsense returns, as we take a look at the coming Premier League fixtures.

A quick 2011 prediction: no more than four Premier League managers will still be at their current clubs by the end of this calendar year (Pulis, Martinez, Coyle, Wenger). Serious. Go on, get your betslips out.

SATURDAY

Chelsea v Blackburn (3pm, Absolute Radio)

This was going to be a useful prediction but seeing as the office banter has descended into an occasionally vitriolic debate on the merits of El-Hadji Diouf after his most recent controversy, and specifically the evidence against him or lack thereof, it’s hard to get that out of the collective head. At least we all agree he’s a jeb-end, anyway.

That’s as much as you’re getting, Blackburn fans.

Chelsea will revert to type after demolishing Ipswich with a changed line-up, and ubiquitous Ashley Cole will almost certainly add another 90 to his current record of having played every minute this league season. He does get about, that boy.

What won’t happen: Diouf to sign for Chelsea in a part-exchange deal with Didier Drogba

What will happen: Mark Bunn to continue to deputise, and possibly impress, as Paul Robinson sits out with a groin strain. Nevertheless, home win

Manchester City v Wolves (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

Overheard in the 5 Live commissioning studios: “Ooh, we’ve got a 3pm kick-off – WHO ARE MAN CITY PLAYING?”

West Brom-Blackpool, Wigan-Fulham and Chelsea-Blackburn all have potential to be better games than this inevitable home victory, but 5 Live is pleasing the moneymen by radio-ising this fixture. Well done, Absolute Radio, anyway.

City’s nightclub bouncer ‘one in, one out’ policy means Edin Dzeko joins the club just as Mario Balotelli gets himself crocked, perhaps thwacking his giant head against a low beam.

According to Roberto Mancini, Balotelli’s fitness alone will determine whether Manu Adebayor leaves the club, which, while being a blow to the confidence, provides a dangling carrot for Adebayor. Expect an assassination attempt against Super Mario soon.

Dzeko, at least, has already made himself popular with the Sky Blues fans (sorry, apparently it’s ‘Lazer Blue’) by stating that more folk in Manchester support City than United, which is basically true. That’s not so much taunting as it is a statement of fact.

In the Bosnian’s next interview, he’ll announce to the world that United have been faring a touch better than their rivals in recent years but City have a bit of money behind them now.

What won’t happen: Dzeko goes the whole hog and wees on a portrait of Sir Matt Busby

What will happen: Earth-shatteringly dull home victory

Stoke v Bolton (3pm)

Back in the day – ie last season – this would be a horrible fixture, but not so much now. Bolton have been playing like Barcelona only can in their dreams (if their own fans are to be believed) and Stoke are showing considerable ambition in trying to recruit Demba Ba to improve their attacking prowess.

A cynic might say Ba is a bit too exciting a player to go to the Potteries. An optimist realises his name would provide tabloid newspapers with a veritable field day.

What won’t happen: Stoke land Beckham on a one-match loan, only for the former England captain to sprain his ankle stepping off the London-to-Potteries train

What will happen: A mostly full-strength Stoke side, missing only Mamady Sidibe through a calf injury, match freewheelin’ Bolton and their four subs blow for blow – score draw

West Brom v Blackpool (3pm)

With Peter Odem-chicken-wingie and ‘Call Me’ Ishmael Miller both doubtful, Simon Cox will have a chance to score his first league goal this season for the Baggies. Apparently he’s a cousin of someone we know. Possibly.

It’s some 46 years since Blackpool won at West Brom, but they’ll be knackered after giving it their all to beat Liverpool. Few people would argue it wasn’t worth the effort, but it does mean they might struggle here.

What won’t happen: Boaz Myhill to find graffiti on his locker saying, “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE” as Scott Carson cackles insanely in the background

What will happen: West Brom’s lack of cover upfront to show as they fail to finish off a tired Blackpool

Wigan v Fulham (3pm)

The Latics will be pleased by the news that Franco di Santo and Charles N’Zogbia are back from injury and suspension respectively, although the highly useful Tom Cleverly joins Victor Moses and James McCarthy on the sidelines.

They may also be pleased to hear that Fulham haven’t won at Wigan since September 1992, when Roberto Martinez was in his first season playing professional football.

Sadly, Mauro Boselli has proven himself to be a waste of money for Wigan. Their record signing at £6m, he finds himself shipped out on loan just months into his new start, slipping in the pecking order behind the likes of, well, Franco di Santo.

This is why you should not sign strikers directly from South American clubs. Oh, they can all whack them in for Estudiantes, but if they’ve not played in a top European competition before then they can’t do sh*t (see also strikers signed from the Dutch league). If you played Football Manager, Martinez, you’d know this.

And talking of surprising strikers, but in a slightly more positive way, Moussa Dembele should return for Fulham after eight weeks out.

What won’t happen: An accurate prediction of a Wigan game, ever

What will happen: Typically, Boselli to find his scoring boots in Serie A and stay there. Home win here

West Ham v Arsenal (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

They’re a funny old team, Ipswich. You could argue they’re a barometer of Big Four form in the Premier League. If you can set one mutual opposition as a marker for how two teams are performing, what to make of Arsenal going down 1-0 to the Tractor Boys in a semi-final first leg after Chelsea demolish the same lot 7-0 three days previously?

Obviously, this would tell you Chelsea are in fine form, while Wenger’s boys are struggling. But Arsenal got the better of the Blues just after Christmas, and have every reason to feel confident of keeping up the pace on the top two in this game against the Hammers.

You do wonder whether Wenger is ignoring the need for a world-class ‘keeper through stubbornness or genuine myopia, though. If he doesn’t sign Given, or a similarly talented and available no1, in this transfer window he’s not doing his side any favours.

New loan signing Wayne Bridge may do West Ham a few favours, though, as he’s expected to start. Expect him to work on that 0% cross success rate from last season.

What won’t happen: Bridge to land a cross on a team-mate’s head, ever

What will happen: Arsenal get their revenge on unhappy Hammers

SUNDAY

Birmingham v Aston Villa (12pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio

Why’s this televised ahead of Sunderland-Newcastle then? High-flying Sunderland vs Crazy-*rse Newcastle or underachieving Birmingham vs underachieving Villa in a not-even-relegation-battle-because-they’ll-both-be-fine tussle?

Oh well. This game should be a ‘cracker’, with both teams ‘impressing’ and ‘putting on a show’. The result will be ‘3-3’.

What won’t happen: Villa to miss the suspended Heskey

What will happen: Villa to miss the suspended Ashley Young. Birmingham win

Sunderland v Newcastle (12pm)

This isn’t even on radio? For flip’s sake...

What won’t happen: Shola Ameobi to rack up the goals despite dirty looks from the jealous and on-looking Andy Carroll

What will happen: This blog to let down fans from a northeasterly direction by failing to make up for the lack of coverage by at least giving a bit of a preview. Sorry. Will a prediction of a draw to please both sides be enough of an apology?

Liverpool v Everton (2.05pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

It’s a big match-up for King Kenny in his first home game since his resurrection. It won’t be an easy one, especially as he’ll insist on sitting in the Kop End while Sammy Lee takes charge of proceedings.

Many managers would be under pressure, but Dalglish could get away with literal murder and still be loved in Liverpool, providing it wasn’t the ghost of Bill Shankly he laid to rest (presumably summoning the spirit first just so he could exorcise it and kill it again...sorry, haven’t really thought this one through).

Lose this and the fans can, and will, blame Hodgson for leaving the team in tatters. Win and Dalglish will be proclaimed as the new Jesus Christ (even more so). No Carra or Gerra, though.

What won’t happen: Steven Pienaar to join Bolton, although it would be good to see them challenging the likes of Chelsea and Tottenham for his signature

What will happen: Everton break bleeding Red hearts with a late equaliser

Spurs v Manchester United (4.10pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Beckham. Beckham? Beckham Beckham Beckham Beckham. Beckham.

Tottenham still haven’t beaten the Red Devils since 2001, and will rely upon attack rather than defence to break them down this time. Wilson Palacios holding in midfield (albeit not particularly well) should allow Luka Modric to play higher up the pitch, rather than ineffectually attempting to surge forward from deep.

Both Mark Lawrenson and celebrity pundit Simon Mayo predict Spurs to break United’s unbeaten run in the league, so this blog is stubbornly going to predict an away win. So there.

What won’t happen: Ickle Jonny Evans keeps a fresh Nemanja Vidic out of the team, prompting riots of such indescribable scale that not just one but all future Northern Ireland v Serbia games are forced to be played behind closed doors

What will happen: Genuinely an away win, perhaps with more controversy as Nani scoops the ball up from the centre circle with his hands and runs into the Spurs net. Referee Mike Dean does not see this...

Available to buy: the world's 100 best players

2010-12-29T13:00:00Z

The transfer window is upon us but not even the best wheeler-dealer could get you the world's 100 best players for under a fiver. No, for that sort of bargain, you'll have to get the new issue of FourFourTwo... Subscribe now!

100 Best Players
Our annual countdown of the best 100 players in world football returns, featuring exclusive interviews with stars such as Iker Casillas, Wayne Rooney, Diego Forlan and Wesley Sneijder. Find out who’s dropped out of our 100, who’s climbed in – and whether Lionel Messi has been able to hold on to his No.1 spot.

FA Cup Giantkillings
Admit it: you love it when a minnow jumps out of the water and slaps a big boy. To celebrate FA Cup Third Round day, FourFourTwo looks at the methods employed to ensure a great 'cupset' – from hypnotism to not washing.

The Maddest Year Ever
If you think 2010 was a mad year for English footballers, you obviously haven’t heard of the Brazilian goalie accused of murdering his porn star mistress and feeding her to dogs. Oh, NOW you're interested.

Ian Rush One-On-One
At your giggling behest, FFT presses your queries upon Ian Rush to find out what he what it was like being an Evertonian playing for Liverpool, why you shouldn’t mess around with Kenny Dalglish’s missus, and how big a wage he'd demand if he played today...

Asian Cup
Can Qatar host a World Cup? FFT previews Qatar’s dress rehearsal, the world’s second-biggest international tournament.

Ibrox Disaster
Four decades after 66 people died and more than 200 were injured, FFT remembers the Glasgow derby that shook football.

Shrewsbury vs Hereford
More derby action: FFT rolls into town for the A49 derby as Shrewsbury manager and ex-Hereford hero Graham Turner hosts the team he used to own and manage.

This issue of FourFourTwo includes interviews and insight from: Ian Rush, Marc Bircham, Nicky Forster, Geoff Thomas, Darren Purse, Wilfried Zaha, Michel Salgado, Darren Ward, Kevin Foley, Frank McAvennie, Keisuke Honda, Thomas Mueller, Luis Suarez, Xabi Alonso, Gareth Bale, Diego Milito, Gonzalo Higuain, Iker Casillas, Diego Forlan, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Gerard Pique, Wesley Sneijder, Ryan Giggs, Pele, Tommy Gemmell, Juan Carlos Garrido, Clarence Seedorf, Wayne Rooney, Gus Poyet, Arsene Wenger, Johnny Giles & the two journalists who broke the news of France’s 2010 World Cup mutiny.

Subscribe now!

The teeth-grinding, pseudo-fake derby-hating Prem Preview

2010-12-17T12:46:00Z

Happily for many, tiresomely for some, it’s Christmaaaaas (thanks, Noddy). It’s also probably the only time footballers deserve the least, tiny, tiny bit of sympathy. Those based in England, at least.

While players in other countries get a month or so off to spend with their families, inside where it’s warm, the Premier League soldiers on with twice as many games as it would usually feature. So, after this weekend, each time will play four games over 11 days, including hangover-busting fixtures on Boxing Day and, cruelly, New Year’s Day. No wonder Harry Redknapp has taken to banning Christmas…

Just give them your f***ing money, all right?

Anyway, this blogger isn’t as hard-working as a professional footballer, so this will be your last predictions blog before the New Year (aww). It’s been a good 2010, all in all, with a few more fascinating games left in it.

But since you insist, here’s a quick prediction for those 30 games before this blog returns. In no particular order:

1-0, 0-0, 2-2, 3-0, 2-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 1-1, 2-1, 3-0, 2-2, 1-1, 1-1, 1-0, 1-1, 1-0, 0-1, 0-1, 0-2, 1-0, 3-2, 4-0, 1-5, 2-6, 3-8, 17-20.

Now, this weekend. Be prepared for a slightly exhausted effort.

SATURDAY

Sunderland v Bolton (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

A surprisingly good choice of match on Sky Sports, who seem to have realised that this match-up between two overachieving teams will be vastly more fascinating than whoever Man City are playing (oh wait, that’s Monday).

It’s worth pointing out that Sunderland are so injury-struck at the back that Ahmed Elmohamady is being moved back into defence and Nedum Onouha moves into the central defence. That should be interesting.

Sigh, time for a sly observation from FFT.com editor Gary Parkinson, who points out that Johan Elmander will take on Elmohamady at the back. He wonders if, given one of them has a wife called Amanda Elmander, the other has a wife called Alma Elmohamady.

This site’s really gone downhill, hasn’t it?

What won’t happen: Onouha to make such driving runs from central defence

What will happen: A genuinely exciting tie – really, we believe that. Score draw – 2-2, perhaps

Arsenal v Stoke (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

Free-flowing football vs long throws, Shawcross decimating Ramsey, etc. etc. – look, it’s only fair you hear all this first from us before Sky Sports talk about it ALL DAY.

What won’t happen: Stoke to outpass Arsenal, admittedly

What will happen: Home win

Birmingham v Newcastle (3pm)

Alan Partridge – sorry, Pardew – will be praying all day today that Mike Williamson and Fabricio Coloccini don’t suffer any late injuries, seeing as the alternative at centre-back is Sol Campbell, playing at something below League Two level at the moment.

Steve Harper may return after his shoulder injury, but Tim Krul has been imperious in his absence. Well, nearly imperious. What’s below an emperor? Vice-emperor? Also known as David Gold (heigh-o!).

What won’t happen: Birmingham, who have lost just one home game this season, to give up three points without a fight. They’ve even cancelled their Christmas party to focus on relegation, the selfless Scrooges

What will happen: A gruelling draw picks the Blues up after that disappointing defeat to Wolves, with Cameron Jerome finding the scoresheet by hook, crook or knob

Blackburn v West Ham (3pm)

If Avram Grant really does have just three games to keep himself in gainful employment at West Ham (at least, in the role of manager as opposed to unconvincing tea lady), he’ll be thanking his lucky star of St David that he’s facing Rovers at such a time.

Blackburn’s sacking of Big Sam was, of course, ludicrous, but at least it gave The Big Sam some ammunition to be even more brilliant than usual. Give him a follow. Not on Twitter? Get on Twitter, then give him a follow.

What won’t happen: Blackburn to beat West Ham for the first time in nine painful, for them and everyone, attempts

What will happen: Surely, surely Big Sam to be present: this is basically his old club playing his soon-to-be new one. West Ham take their first away win this campaign

Wigan v Aston Villa (3pm)

Bizarrely, the last 10 fixtures between these two have seen no fewer than six away wins, probably down to Wigan’s inconsistency, occasionally brilliant, occasionally woeful, as much as both sides lacking a home fortress.

It’ll be tough for them missing Honduran duo Maynor Figueroa and Hendry Thomas through suspension, and Victor Moses hasn’t recovered from a dislocated shoulder, but hey, Franco di Santo’s back!

In Aston Villa ‘news’, a win last week thanks to a surely accidental header from Emile Heskey doesn’t disguise the fact that Gerard Houllier was probably the wrong choice.

What won’t happen: Injurees Petrov and Luke Young won’t feature, though Agbolahor should return

What will happen: Wigan to play without a single Honduran for the first time in precisely 100 matches. Stick that in your stats pipe and smoke it. Home win

Liverpool v Fulham (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

Steven Gerrard’s been rated ‘touch and go’, which we all knew, in fairness. He’s always played tough and go football, with the occasional hack ‘n’ blast. Oh, touch and go fitness-wise? That makes more sense.

This should be a really exciting game, simply because Roy Hodgson is coming back to a club he brought unparalleled success while struggling with a team who have, in previous decades and centuries, paralleled and surpassed that success.

Unfortunately, it won’t be an exciting game in the slightest. Mark Hughes’ draw merchants may be slipping inexorably towards the relegation zone, but a point’s a point and they’d settle for one here. Liverpool, meanwhile, arguably don’t have the technical capability or tactical nous to beat them.

What won’t happen: Fulham to record a second away win in 27...

What will happen: ...but Liverpool won’t win either. Dull draw worthy of the ‘meh’ reaction the game will get due to being on ESPN

SUNDAY

West Brom v Wolves (12pm, TalkSPORT Radio)

Feisty Black Country derby, this, as opposed to the pseudo-fake derbies we get between the four Premier League Birmingham teams almost every week. These are two teams in different straits: West Brom in mid-table, Wolves second from bottom.

But things are beginning to change, with Mick McCarthy’s men recording a useful win over Birmingham last week. And remarkably, four teams are tied on 22 points, so the Baggies could be anywhere from seventh to 14th after this weekend.

What won’t happen: The first of those possibilities

What will happen: Tchoyi to get his chance upfront after impressing in midfield for West Brom, and to smash a ridiculous goal in a 3-1 win

Blackpool v Spurs (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Statistics are funny things. You wouldn’t be surprised to hear Blackpool haven’t beaten Spurs at home since 1956, because, well, when would they play them? But in eight meetings since 1966 (and all that), the Tangerines are winless.

It was a very encouraging performance from Michael Dawson in his first game back from a horrific injury, and he and Kaboul at the back might actually be a better bet than Daws ‘n’ Gallas. Rafael van der Vaart would be a welcome replacement for an absent Jermaine Jenas, still cleaning snow off the inside of Alan Hutton’s car.

Blackpool will still be without Matt Gilks and two players who sound like they’ve been taken from Roy of the Rovers, Chris Basham and Billy Clarke. “Great pass, Sniffer! Go on, Bash! Smash it!”

This is, of course, all academic because the match is going to be called off due to bad weather.

What won’t happen: A game of football

What will happen: Postponement until 2013, which will at least preserve Blackpool’s nicely symmetrical home record in the league (won 2, drawn 2, lost 2, scored 11, conceded 11)

Chelsea v Manchester United (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Fergie has only won one of his six competitive meetings against Carlo Ancelotti (the Community Shield SO doesn’t count) but here is a golden opportunity to make that two from seven.

After a good performance against Spurs, a game they probably should have won, Chelsea are no longer in freefall but they are without a league win in six attempts and it’s not often you see Chelsea in fourth, except when

The good news for them is that the talismanic, Mr Boombastic, very fantastic Frank Lampard will start, taking penalty duties from Didier Drogba, you’d think, who – and there’s no point holding back here – cost Chelsea a potentially crucial two championship-chasing points by being completely, utterly selfish. Tool.

What won’t happen: As good a game as we hope for on his marvelous Super Sunday...

What will happen: Chelsea look to grind a win and so do United. They both succeed in grinding merely teeth and a draw – United’s seventh in the league this season. They’ve only won one away from home, fewer than lesser-known travelers Blackburn and Stoke

MONDAY

Manchester City v Everton (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

This is interesting: a quick glance at the league table shows that even though they are just two points behind their Manchester rivals in the league, Citeh have scored just eight goals at home compared to United’s 25. Quite a difference, that, and one you’d think Mancini will want to reduce: averaging one goal a game at home isn’t a table-topping rate.

That’s hardly going to be helped if Tevez and Balotelli knob off, not to mention Jo, Santa Cruz and Adebayor as well. They’ll be left with Patrick Vieira upfront challenging for headers, thinking, “Hang on a minute...”

What won’t happen: All five of them to go, surely

What will happen: Everton miss a suspended Arteta and an injured Hibbert, but take a good draw

Heroes & Villains: Calamity, consistency, Campbell and Carroll

2010-12-14T12:45:00Z

The (elongated) EPL weekend's goodies and baddies, evaluated by James Maw

RESULTS Sat 11 Dec Aston Villa 2-1 West Bromwich Albion, Everton 0-0 Wigan Athletic, Fulham 0-0 Sunderland, Stoke City 0-1 Blackpool, West Ham United 1-3 Manchester City, Newcastle United 3-1 Liverpool Sun 12 Dec Bolton Wanderers 2-1 Blackburn Rovers, Wolverhampton Wanderers 1-0 Birmingham City, Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Chelsea Mon 13 Dec Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal

HEROES

Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic
With Wayne Rooney yet to start firing and Dimitar Berbatov running hot and cold like your bathroom tap when the boiler is knackered (mental note: ring landlord about broken boiler), it’s all the more important that Manchester United’s daring defensive duo a) actually manage to string a few games together without losing body parts, and b) recapture the old magic of 2006-2009 and make United’s backline largely impenetrable.

Fortunately for Sir Alex Ferguson & Co. that's slowly and surely what has happened, with the pair both starting all of United’s last 10 Premier League matches, during which time the Red Devils have conceded eight goals – comparing favourably to the nine in seven conceded before their reunion at Stoke just under two months ago.

In this period the Old Trafford side have gone from ‘crisis club’ to league leaders by two clear points with a game in hand – although that rise has coincided with Chelsea’s own calamitous spell.

On Monday evening, Ferdinand and Vidic kept the intricate attacking force of Arsenal at arms' length for the majority of the match, once again reaffirming the notion that they are the Premier League’s best defensive pairing. Consistency is now the key, and the next test is perhaps the biggest of all at Stamford Bridge; another solid performance could see United take a massive step towards the title before Santa has even popped down the chimney.

Joey Barton
Maturity and cool-headedness. Not characteristics one would traditionally associate with Joey Barton, but those were the attributes the Newcastle midfielder generally displayed during a match in which it would have been easy for he and his team-mates to shirk their responsibilities and hide behind ‘the occasion’.

Barton capped a superb performance by reacting quickest to Andy Carroll’s ball into the penalty area, maintaining his composure and firing past Pepe Reina to put Newcastle back in front as the game approached its climax.

The only black mark came when he appeared to make an unsavoury gesture towards Fernando Torres, although that was in the face of quite severe provocation from the Spaniard and Lucas Leiva, who for some reason appeared hell-bent on blaming Barton for David N’Gog being elbowed by his own teammate…

Yaya Toure
It’s important to highlight the brilliance of Manchester City’s performance at Upton Park, which was to some extent overshadowed by the petulance of Mario Balotelli and the apparent discontent of Carlos Tevez, and Toure the younger was head and shoulders above everybody else on the park – and was also Man of the Match (just a little height joke for you there – Happy Christmas).

Toure set City on their way to a fifth away win of the league campaign with a perfectly struck shot from the edge of the penalty area, having been teed up by David Silva. He also forced the second goal, barging his way through the West Ham box from a tight angle and blasting the ball into the net via the back of poor old Robert Green’s head.

But the goals were only the start of his input. There was also a lot of what we had been expecting from him when he arrived from Barcelona in the summer – strong, athletic, simple and direct midfield play, while some of his team-mates appear to be more interested in having public tantrums, Toure is a key cog in a steadily improving City machine. And with the Ivorian able to find the net with such new-found ease, do Manchester City even need Carlos Tevez? Yes. Yes, they do.

Didier Drogba
Sure, he may have missed a penalty and sure, he may have handled before the goal he actually did score, but there can be no doubting that the introduction of Didier Drogba at the interval of Chelsea’s derby clash at Tottenham was the game-changing moment. The Ivorian looked some way towards being back to his best, imposing himself of Tottenham’s defenders and regularly dropping deep to get his hands dirty in the midfield melee, albeit to mixed success.

The aforementioned rejuvenation of Manchester United’s first-choice central defenders will require Drogba to up his recovery another notch next Sunday if the champions are to gain a vital win.

Marc Albrighton
A member of the Twitterati on Saturday night questioned whether the Aston Villa youngster was already the best crosser in the Premier League. At first this may seem a bit spurious, but on current form, it’s actually hard to argue there are too many, if any, players in the Sky-league getting quality deliveries into the box from wide areas on as consistent a basis.

The winger was at it again on Saturday, whipping a dangerous cross into the West Brom area that was knocked in at the back post by Stewart Downing after a near-post flick from Ashley Young. It’s hard to imagine he won’t be involved in Fabio Capello’s next England squad for the friendly against Denmark in February, fitness permitting.

DJ Campbell
Campbell’s goal sealed an amazing fourth away win in 10 road-trips for Blackpool – encouragingly for the Tangerines, five teams who avoided the drop last season won away on fewer occasions.

Also, a word for what is rapidly becoming one of the most divine minimalist-moustaches in world football. Proof, if it were needed, that size doesn’t count for everything.

VILLAINS

Arsenal
As has quite often proven to be the case over the course of this season, the label ‘villains’ is a trifle harsh here, but there were certainly very few ‘heroes’ on display in the Gunners’ side at Old Trafford last night, bar perhaps ‘rookie stopper’ Wojciech Szczesny.

On a night when Arsene Wenger’s side were supposed to prove their worth in the title race, the North Londoners failed to ever really impose themselves on the match, failing to create clear cut chances and often struggling to even retain possession – two criticisms that haven’t often been aimed at the Emirates Stadium side this season.

Heurelho Gomes
It’s not often you’ll see a goalkeeper who has saved a penalty to help win his team a point against the champions among our ‘baddies', but there is probably no player in the Premier League quite as adept at flip-flopping between heroism and villainy as Tottenham’s Brazilian shot-sometimes-stopper.

Speaking after a match in which he failed to deal with a shot hit straight at him, albeit it very powerfully, and conceded an injury-time penalty, the former PSV keeper proclaimed that Spurs conceded too many goals to keep up with the likes of Chelsea and Manchester United, which is sort of like Ronald McDonald complaining that kids these days are too fat.

Mario Balotelli
His childish, foot-stomping reaction to not getting his way with either referee or manager may have been slightly overplayed by some sections of the media, but still doesn’t do much to quell suggestions the Italian is a bit of an enfant terrible.

Lucas Leiva
Over the past three years, mocking Lucas has been as fashionable as zoot suits were whenever zoot suits were fashionable. However, the upturn in his performance levels over the past 12 months has been markedly steep – which really served to highlight the inadequacy of his performance at St James’ Park.

On a night when tensions were high and feathers rufflable, Liverpool’s defensive midfielder failed to get into the faces of his opponents, bar the one occasion when he really shouldn’t have.

With David N’Gog caught by team-mate Sotirios Kyrgiakos and, unbeknownst to Barton, left bleeding on the floor, play continued until Lucas saw fit to front up to the ever-popular Barton, presumably assuming the former Man City man must’ve done something wrong "because he always does" – but not this time.

Fortunately (for everybody bar Liverpool), Lucas reverted to type in backing off and backing off again as Andy Carroll shaped up to stroke home Newcastle’s third from 25 yards. Not the best day’s work, all things told...

Ryan Nelson
When you’re getting tied in knots in the penalty area by the generally rather agricultural Fabrice Muamba, you know you’ve got problems...

The 'Mensa & Weightwatchers coalition' sponsored Prem Preview

2010-12-10T13:09:00Z

Job Application Form #67921

Name: Chris Hughton
Age: 52 on Saturday
Strengths: Doing the impossible, not being Alan Pardew.
Weaknesses: Having hair like a badger, not being Alan Pardew.
Reasons for dismissal from last job: I have no idea

Poor old Chris. But at least he’ll be able to enjoy a cracking weekend of Premier League football from his sofa. Swings and roundabouts, eh?

SATURDAY

Aston Villa v West Brom (3pm, Absolute Radio)

These are dark days for Gerard Houllier, although in all honesty you bring it on yourself when you say after a fourth defeat on the trot, “If I have got to lose 3-0, I would prefer it to be to them as I like Liverpool.”

No matter how much you wish it, or indeed how much you wish you were still at a big club, fans will not appreciate the sentiment behind that statement. It is A Very Bad Thing To Say. ‘Kay, Gerard, Gerard?

And just as things looked like they couldn’t get any worse for Villa, Emile Heskey’s back from injury.

What won’t happen: A better chance for West Brom to record their first win over the Villains since 1985

What will happen: Carlos Cuellar to shore up the home defence, and West Brom’s hopes of a smash ‘n’ grab win are nullified. With their key men Odemwingie and Brunt likely to miss out, a draw is the likely result

Everton v Wigan (3pm)

Reunited again in the centre of midfield are the unlikely pairing of Marouane Fellaini and Jack Rodwell, who impressed like the mismatched cop duo they are. Mary ‘n’ Rod: one’s a gritty young kid from the streets who’ll do anything to nail a perp, and the other has an afro.

Wigan will welcome back Hugo Rodallega from suspension with such open arms he’d be wise to fear crushing, and the Colombian will have some extra crushing weight on his shoulders, too, with Victor Moses and, ahem, Franco di Santo out of the game.

What won’t happen: Wigan to turn up for a change

What will happen: Home win

Fulham v Sunderland (3pm)

If Mark Hughes’ men keep going along cottaging like this, they could find themselves in the relegation zone sooner than you can say, “Mummy, what does cottaging mean?”

Or at least they would if the three Ws beneath them weren’t such utter crap. Toss, dross, gathering moss – call them what you like, but if Wigan, Wolves and West Ham aren’t relegated by the end of the season (you may have noticed this blogger has withdrawn that prediction on Stoke to go down, if not at the bookies) it’ll be due to a massive turnaround or a vast miscarriage of justice.

Back to this game, though: the struggling Cottagers have an impressive record at home against Sunderland, winning four of their six Premier League encounters there. Which is good.

Less good – worse, you could call it – they will still be without the sprightly Carlos Salcido, and the continued absence of Moussa Dembele means the inconsistent Diomansy Kamara may be given another start up top.

What won’t happen: Craig Gordon, who has announced his return from injury with a series of stunning performances, to play, very doubtful as he is with a hamstring pull. Step forward Mr Mignolet for another attempt to remind people who he is

What will happen: Bore draw

Stoke v Blackpool (3pm)

It’s a fascinating match-up: a team who have showed how a newly promoted side with little talent arguably should play, and a team who have showed how a newly promoted side with little talent can survive in the Premier League: the former with excitement, the latter with Tony Pulis.

Look, we’re not going to let this beef with Pulis lie until at least one of us is dead.

Jermaine Pennant, he of the potential permanent contract, should start for Stoke after his injury, while Richard ‘African keepers can be good really’ Kingson will hold his No1 spot for Blackpool on account of Matt Gilks still being crippled.

What won’t happen: Justice, which is an away win

What will happen: This blogger to die before Tony Pulis. Home win

West Ham v Man City (3pm)

It’s lucky for Manchester City that this should be one of their easier trips, because they’ll miss both Carlos Tevez and Alexsandar Kolarov through one-game suspensions. Suspiciously useful timing, really. Call the fraud squad!

Unbelievably for a team with all the money and players it wants (or doesn’t, *cough* Roque Santa Cruz *cough*), City look a bit short of goals without Tevez in the side. Mancini will be quietly happy with a sneaky 1-0 win here thanks to a moment of magic from David Silva or the like.

As for West Ham, the last time they put more than one goal past City in the league was in 2000, when the Hammers boasted Paolo di Canio and Fredi Kanoute upfront (not to mention Pearce ‘n’ Pearce in defence). They’d take at least one of those forwards in a shot these days, but would settle for just the one goal here if it meant a point.

What won’t happen: Avram Grant to survive the season, due either to fan pressure, heart problems or Gold-and-Sullivan-related insanity

What will happen: Job done for Bobby Manc, with a narrow away win

Newcastle v Liverpool (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

Well, where to start? For one thing, ESPN must be thanking any number of gods for this game taking on a whole new meaning, although knowing their luck after Blackpool-Man Utd was called off last week, this will be off as well.

Due, perhaps, to fans throwing chairs onto the pitch in protest at the ludicrous sacking of Chris Hughton and the arguably more ludicrous hiring of Alan Pardew, the man who is to Premier League survival what Mike Ashley is to the Mensa and Weightwatchers coalition.

Enough has been said already, and will continue to be said, about Ashley’s overwhelming idiocy in sacking a competent manager in order to make a ‘jobs for the boys’ apoointment (Pardew’s a friend, apparently), but it’ll be interesting to see the new man will do at easily the biggest club he’ll ever manage.

One thing’s for sure: it makes more sense for him to take on the mantle of the chief villain’s sidekick than the man who stared a gift horse in the mouth and shot it.

What won’t happen: The game to pass quietly without much notice being taken

What will happen: Liverpool to celebrate having a recent history of comparatively sensible owners by winning at St James’

SUNDAY

Bolton v Blackburn (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1)

Bewilderingly-barneted Scotchmerican Stuart Holden looks set to return for Bolton, but their rivals will be without useful players Nikola Kalinic, Steven Nzonzi and Martin Olsson (plus the less useful Vince Grella and Keith Andrews)

Given recent results you’d expect the Lancashire Hotpot Derby to go the way of the home side, but Bolton haven’t beaten Blackburn in over four years and Big Sam has an excellent record against the Trotters, gobbling them up with relish.

What won’t happen: El-Hadji Diouf to go in lightly on his old side

What will happen: A home win keeps Bolton in top-six dreamland

Wolves v Birmingham (1.30pm, TalkSPORT Radio)

The home side will be without Jody Craddock’s thigh, David Jones’ foot and Michael Mancienne, Michael Kightly and Karl Henry’s knees, but should be able to cobble together a Frankenstein’s monster of an XI to face their Brummie pseudo-rivals.

It’s worth noting that Birmingham haven’t lost to Wolves in the top flight since 1981, before a lot of their squad was born (sit down, Lee Bowyer).

What won’t happen: A nil-nil draw, oh no

What will happen: 6-1, according to FFT.com’s news Editor Gregg Davies. He predicted Liverpool 4-4 Chelsea, remember.

Spurs v Chelsea (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

It’s the kind of game when Tottenham would really welcome that extra touch of class from Rafael van der Vaart, but the Dutchman is still out with a hamstrung hamstring.

Chelsea, however, are in The Worst Form Of Their Lives™ and unbelievably are even facing calls from some corners to sack Carlo Ancelotti.

What a ridiculous statement. If you fired a manager every time he had a run of poor games for a month you’d end up with Alan Pardew in charge of every club.

It is a sad case of affairs for Carlo, though, because the bad run seems to have coincided with the sad death of his father. Ever since he donned that fetching black suit it’s all gone downhill, and he’s confessed to not sleeping well due to stress.

We all have our irrational (and sometimes rational) hatreds of football managers but you wouldn’t wish that on someone as nice as Ancelotti.

What won’t happen: Chelsea make it five unsuccessful visits to the Lane in a row...

What will happen: ...as Spurs take their chance

MONDAY

Manchester United v Arsenal (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Arsenal love teams disparaging them, so it was a slice of genius from Chris Smalling (“they should be more intimidated than we are”) and especially Patrice Evra, who said:

“For me, Arsenal is a training centre. You watch the match, you enjoy it, but are you going to win a title afterwards? We can lose against them, but at the end of the day, what is there for Arsenal? There is nothing – no trophies, nothing.”

Good work, Patrice, take the rest of the day off.

What won’t happen: Any mention of Arsene Wenger’s team talk being done for him by his fellow Frenchman, OBVIOUSLY

What will happen: Arsenal’s scintillating, free-flowing attacking football to embarrass Evra and co., with the Gunners scoring more than once in a league game at Old Trafford for the first time in 26 years.

Alan Pardew's "rape" shame and other TV moments that left football red faced

2010-12-08T12:02:00Z

The news that Alan Pardew is now odds-on favourite to replace the harshly disposed of Chris Hughton as manager of Newcastle United reminded us of one of Pards' lowest moments.

No, not the God-awful 'Academy of Football' T-shirt he sported during the 2004 play-off final, rather the night he sent jaws dropping to the floor by uttering the immortal words "he absolutely rapes him" during Match of the Day 2.

Making a rare appearance on the MotD2 sofa alongside Alan Hansen undoubted television success story Adrian Chiles, the former Charlton boss was happily waxing lyrical about Michael Essien's muscular and combative playing style.

All was going swimmingly until he jovially and casually proclaimed that the Ghanaian had 'absolutely raped' Manchester City’s Ched Evans – a quote that's not so much Alan Pardew as Alan Partridge (yeah, we went there).

Although a Daily Mail-led witch-hunt didn't really get off the ground, the Beeb still received 35 complaints and Pardew wasn't invited back to Television Centre again. Here are ten more moments that had Ofcom shaking clenched fists like put-upon middle-aged men in 1950s American sit-coms…

Stephen Bywater

Despite conceding five at Arsenal the day before, Derby keeper Stephen Bywater seemed in good spirits as he appeared on Sky’s Goals on Sunday in October 2007.

So much so, in fact, that he overlooked the fact that it was probably not the brightest thing in the world to spell out the most obscene word imaginable on a Sunday morning television show.

What's best about the clip is that Bywater considered his options, deciding against saying the word and spelling it out letter by letter, as if the viewers were toddlers overhearing a grown-up conversation. Host Clare Tomlinson was reprimanded following the incident, presumably for not jumping across the studio and clamping her hand over Bywater’s mouth.

Micah Richards

Having just scored an injury time equaliser for Man City in an FA Cup tie at Villa Park, a young Richards was cornered on camera by Garth Crooks and asked the usual stupid questions (“How does it feel to score an equalising goal in the last minute? Good?”) Richards’ excitement got the better of him and he promptly dropped the F-bomb all over the Beeb’s Sunday teatime audience. You’d never have caught Hugh Scully or Nora Batty doing that.

Taken aback slightly, Crooks dismissed the slip as the result of Richards’ youth and inexperience in front of the cameras. Which is all very well and good, but doesn’t explain the rambling claptrap of Crooks.

Rodney Marsh

To be honest, this one was coming for a while. The former QPR and Fulham maverick has a habit of opening his gob before engaging his brain, although the gaffe that saw him axed by Sky Sports seemed all too carefully prepared.

Less than a month after a tsunami had devastated large parts of the Far East and left 225,000 people dead, Marsh joked that David Beckham had turned down a move to Newcastle "because of trouble with the Toon Army in Asia".

He may have made light of the death of thousands of people but, hey, at least he didn’t swear…

Ron Atkinson

The former Manchester United jewellery model broke the ultimate taboo in 2004, by using the ‘n’ word on live television. Sadly, it wasn’t done in an edgy, intellectual, ‘make you think’ kind of way; but rather in an overtly racist, moronic, ‘makes you think he’s a massive racist’ kind of way.

Thinking the microphones were off following Chelsea’s Champions League semi-final defeat in Monaco, Atkinson was far from gushing with praise for defender Marcel Desailly (you know what he said, which saves us the effort of finding a glossy way of putting it). Sadly for the tubby chancer, the broadcast had continued in some parts of Asia that were using ITV’s coverage of the game.

Glenn Hoddle

It’s 1987 and Spurs are marching to their third FA Cup final in seven seasons. England midfielder and chart-bothering karaokeist Glenn Hoddle is describing his quarter-final free-kick against Wimbledon to a television reporter. “I saw the keeper off his line so I thought I'd have a tw*t.”

We’re not really even sure where to start with that one…

Harry Redknapp

The mild-mannered Spurs boss flipped his lid following a home defeat to Wigan in August, when Sky's Rob Palmer had to front to suggest the wheeler-dealing former Portsmouth and West Ham boss may be about to endulge in some late transfer window wheeler-dealing, being a wheeler-dealer and all...

Richard Keys

The first rule of live broadcasting is to stay calm and not allow your words to mutate into a slew of nonsensical jibberish. The second rule of live broadcasting is to wait until you know the cameras have stopped rolling before unleashing a potty-mouthed tirade against a set of small North Atlantic islands. Chin up, Richard...

Didier Drogba

Oh yeah, the other rule of live broadcasting is not to repeat a clip you know contains 'indoor language'. This is exactly what Keysey and the Sky Sports posse did after Chelsea's Didier Drogba went loco following the Blues' controversial Champions League defeat to Barcelona in 2009. Oops!

Peter Crouch

Crouchie is known for having 'a good touch for a big man' - which is probably why he was so peeved to clumsily knock the ball out of play following a cross-field pass from Benoit Assou-Ekotto.

John Motson

Last, and by no means least, comes dear old Motty's incredible triade against Germany's substituted front line...

Well, it was funny at the time...

Heroes & Villains: Forrin rascals, rubble and the rustle of paper

2010-12-06T12:36:00Z

The weekend's goodies and baddies, as assessed by James Maw

RESULTS Sat 4 Dec Arsenal 2-1 Fulham, Birmingham City 1-1 Tottenham Hotspur, Blackburn Rovers 3-0 Wolverhampton Wanderers, Chelsea 1-1 Everton, Manchester City 1-0 Bolton Wanderers, Wigan Athletic 2-2 Stoke City, Blackpool P-P Manchester United Sun 5 Dec West Bromwich Albion 3-1 Newcastle United, Sunderland 1-0 West Ham United

HEROES

Samir Nasri
“Arsenal are a one-man team," they said. “They can’t do anything without Fabregas,” they said. Piffle, bunkum and claptrap. If this season has proven anything about Arsenal – besides the obvious that they need to improve at the back and between the sticks – it's that in Samir Nasri, they have a creative spark more than capable of filling the void left by their Spanish captain. Having inspired the Gunners to an impressive 4-2 win at Aston Villa last weekend, Nasri was again the difference as Arsene Wenger's side scrapped to a narrow win over Fulham.

While the more eagle-eyed football aficionados among you may have noticed that Aston Villa and Fulham aren't quite among Europe’s elite, these are the kind of matches in which the Gunners have dropped points in recent seasons, and indeed months. The mental boost this result will give Arsenal after their recent traumas, particularly against Tottenham, will be emphasised by it sending them top of the Premier League.

Nasri opened the scoring against the Cottagers with a delightful double feint, leaving Brede Hangeland and then Aaron Hughes on their backsides and enabling the 23-year-old to blast past Mark Schwarzer.

And if the Frenchman’s first was a flash of brilliance, his second was an explosion of magnificence – assuming you agree the latter sounds more impressive… Nasri glided onto the end of a Robin van Persie pass, before dancing his way through three Fulham defenders like a very handsome young man in a bar packed with ugly, ugly women before making up for his own heavy touch – improvising by pirouetting and clipping the ball in from a tight angle.

DRAW SPECIALIST Nasri's goal and more weekend action

Leighton Baines
After a superb performance at Stamford Bridge on Saturday, Baines was described by David Moyes as the second-best English left-back. That seems like damning him with faint praise. On his day, Baines is one of the best attacking full-backs in the Premier League – and while he’s a level of consistency and a fair few notches of defensive know-how away from Ashley Cole, he certainly has the talent to be involved with the national team on a more regular basis – homesickness notwithstanding.

The highlight of his weekend performance was a dazzling run down the left which ended in a superb hanging cross deep into the Chelsea box for Tim Cahill, the Australian nodding back across goal to tee up Jermaine Beckford for a simple header past Petr Cech.

Jermaine Beckford
A simple header though it may have been, it was still there to be missed – which is something Beckford has done quite a lot of in recent weeks. But this is the Heroes section, and the former Leeds hit-man should be praised for his persistence: despite being largely profligate in-front of goal he has continually put himself in goalscoring positions when players of a weaker mentality may well have hidden.

See, it’s not as funny when we try and be sincere, is it?

  Lee Cattermole 
Keeping in the super-jolly festive spirit of praising those we’ve previously mocked relentlessly with little regard for their feelings, a moment please for Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole. The Teesside tyke was back to his vigorous best, dominating the midfield and largely keeping in-form media darling Scott Parker at bay.

Yes, it was 'only' against a woeful West Ham, and yes, he still managed to get himself booked as early as the seventh minute, but his assertive and disciplined display reminded us why the fiery midfielder was bought and sold for almost £10 million before his 22nd birthday.

Paul Robinson
Blackburn’s 3-0 scoreline against Wolves on Saturday may at first glance appear massively comfortable, but that was largely down to Robinson once again being at his best to keep Wolves from the door (wahey!).

Unsurprisingly, this latest in a string of good performances (Old Trafford last weekend aside…) saw pundits clambering over one other to be the first clever dick to announce Robinson should return to the international fold if that ‘orrible forrin rascal Fabio Capello knows what’s good for him, completely oblivious to the fact he was probably playing equally as well for large swathes of last season when nobody gave two tooty hoots.

VILLAINS

Phil Neville
While the purpose of this blog is as much to pick holes as to praise, it would be unfair to lament a player for merely under-hitting a pass back to his goalkeeper with an opposition forward lurking in the vast patch of grass between. After all, every day’s a school day and players can only really learn from making mist… hang on *rustling of paper* It was 33-year-old Phil Neville? Phil Neville who has played over 400 Premier League matches, has won six titles, three FA Cups, one European Cup, and has 59 England caps?

Well, stuff him then – he should know better. Villain. VILLAAAAAAAAIN!  

Avram Grant
Far be it from us to suggest the West Ham manager should be fearing a phone call from "upstairs", but with his side once again lacking any kind of attacking impetus or spirit in a generally feeble, if narrow, defeat at Sunderland, perhaps he should start looking over his shoulder (So his phone's behind him, then? – Ed).

The Hammers may have ‘saved their season’ (sic) with a win over Wigan last Saturday, and followed it with an impressive League Cup win of Manchester United in midweek, but they quickly reverted to type at the Stadium of Light.

It’s easy to motivate your team for a cup quarter-final against Manchester United; the trick is to get your side hungry enough to battle for points in these kind of away games – and West Ham had nowhere near enough battle on Sunday.

If Grant’s managerial masterplan at Portsmouth last season is anything to go by, we can expect the Irons to further ease off the gas in the league over the next six or seven weeks, with the League Cup semi-finals in January taking priority over actually staying in the ruddy top flight.

And then there’s Carlton Cole...

So yeah, happy Christmas, Hammers fans.

Wigan’s defensive wall 
What’s the point in setting up a wall to defend a free-kick if they’re going to dissipate the second the ball is kicked, crumbling like FIFA’s credibility as the ball deflects off the rubble, past the wrong-footed goalkeeper and into the net?

The ‘rubble’ in this instance was French midfielder Mohamed Diamé, who ended up as the man on the end of a three-man Latics wall after two Stoke players, not unreasonably, shifted from their position just to his left to allow the ball to pass. Diamé criminally turned his back and the ball nicked off his ankle before finding the net.

Hendry Thomas
 Regular readers of Heroes and Villains will know we like nothing more than kicking a sitter-missing man when he’s down, head-in-hands, being shouted at by his teammates. Step forward Wigan’s Hendry Thomas, who, despite having a name like a 19th-century President of the United States, lacked the authority to find the net from four yards with the goalkeeper all but stranded at the near post.

Alan Hutton
Tottenham’s Alan Hutton shares very little in common with the great Zinedine Zidane. Sure, they both went bald at a ludicrously young age and have both enjoyed some spectacular nights out in Glasgow – albeit probably of a differing nature, but that’s about it.

Or at least it was until the ‘competitive’ Scottish full-back unleashed a truly Zidanesque head-butt on Birmingham’s David Murphy as the clock ticked down on Saturday’s draw at St Andrews. It would seem fairly certain that the former Rangers man will face sanctions from upon high, and with Vedran Corluka waiting in the wings, it’s by no means certain he’ll waltz back into the side following any potential suspension. Well done you, Alan.

Sol Campbell
We don't generally agree with irksome self-centered man-child Robbie Savage, but it’s probably safe to say that Sol Campbell has probably had 499 better Premier League appearances than Sunday’s 3-1 defeat at West Brom, which brought up his top-flight half-grand. The Newcastle defender was utterly obliterated by Peter Odemwingie as Toon slumped to their fifth straight winless match.

Frankly, Campbell looked League One level at best, and while that’s a marked improvement on his ‘form’ during his brief stint at Notts County, it probably won’t be enough for Chris Hughton. The big centre-back has been written off before and bounced back – but he looked so spectacularly out of sorts this time round that it's even harder to see him recovering.

More Premier review: The Draw Specialist

FIFA's World Cup selections in numbers

2010-12-03T16:31:00Z

With the majority of the globe still seething, editor of Champions magazine Paul Simpson runs through a few telling figures...

If you’re baffled, disgusted or just stunned by FIFA awarding World Cups to Russia and Qatar, here are some stats to put the bidding process in perspective.

3,141,000 tickets will be on sale for the 2018 World Cup in Russia – the lowest of any of the four bids. The projected ticket sales for Russia’s rivals were: 3,304,000 (Holland/Belgium), 3,397,000 (England) and 3,674,000 (Spain/Portugal). The disparity is even more glaring in 2022. Hosts Qatar will have 2,869,000 tickets on sale – a quite remarkable 2,088,000 fewer bums on seats than the USA bid had projected.

£2.4bn is the minimum Russia will need to invest in stadiums. Some pundits say the 2018 hosts will have to invest twice as much again in infrastructure – that would send the total spend soaring over £7bn. The real cost could be significantly higher, given that Russia’s spend on the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics is now £12.9bn over its official budget of £6.4bn. For 2022, Qatar will spend around £1.92bn on construction and renovation and £32.1bn on infrastructure.

Some estimates say the bill for construction and infrastructure for the 2010 World Cup was around £19.3bn. Brazil will probably spend around £27.6bn on 2014. The construction spend envisaged by England’s 2018 bid – around £1.62bn – is small beer in comparison.

If you want to pick a successful World Cup host in advance, the obvious lesson, as Deep Throat urged Bernstein and Woodward in All the President’s Men, is: “Follow the money”. Construction giants like Bechtel might be more appropriate tournament sponsors than Budweiser.

113 is the current FIFA ranking for Qatar.

One - the number of buffoons in this picture...

154 is Russia’s rank on the Transparency International’s index of corrupt nations. (The lower your ranking, the more corrupt you are perceived to be.) This means that Transparency International thinks the 2018 hosts are a bit more crooked than Haiti.

£75,000 is one unconfirmed estimate of how much the Mail on Sunday paid Melissa Jacobs for cooking Lord Triesman’s goose. The paper didn’t instigate the sting. The News of the World had already turned down the story. If anything, the downfall of FA supremo Triesman smacks of the kind of entrapment practiced by intelligence services since the world’s second oldest profession began. Jacobs’ mysterious return from America (where she was being treated for obsessive compulsive disorder) to charm her old boss (who obviously doted on her) and secretly tape him making some injudicious remarks in a patisserie was perfectly timed – for England’s rivals. The revelations broke in May, just before the game’s most influential apparatchiks gathered in Madrid for the UEFA Champions League final.

2 votes for England to stage 2018. Blaming Panorama and the Sunday Times is easy – but stupid. If FIFA’s process in selecting World Cup hosts is valid, the 22 delegates who vote should not resent or fear media scrutiny. It might suit certain FIFA delegates to suggest they are being persecuted by a biased, neo-colonialist British media, but the latest charges against FIFA vice-president Jack Warner surfaced this August in the respected Norwegian daily Dagbladet.

26.6 degrees Centigrade is the predicted temperature on the pitch during 2022 World Cup matches – and that’s with a high-tech cooling system coming to the rescue.

2 World Cup bids were not given an overall ‘low risk’ rating by FIFA’s technical inspectors: Russia (2018) and Qatar (2022). One bid was designated a high risk: Qatar’s.

38 pence. According to the Christian Science Monitor, this is the hourly wage paid to Nepali labourer Rajan Sapkota, one of the hundreds of thousands of foreign workers in Qatar. In contrast, the average annual wage for a Qatari citizen is £52,962 a year, the highest in the world.

Prem Preview: Fruit blenders, Babylon Zoo & the ghost of Steve Harper

2010-12-03T15:08:00Z

No haikus this week and, to the lasting beneficial mental health of all of you, no rants about FIFA or the World Cup bidding system either.

Suffice it to say that Russia, with its racism, homophobia and vast expanses of Arctic wasteland, will make superb hosts for 2018, and Qatar, with its non-existent fanbase, lack of footballing prowess and population just over half that of Wales, will make even better hosts for 2022.

Anyway, back to the self-professed ‘best league in the world’ that has put England on the world football map to such an extent it will now go a minimum of 70 years without hosting its premier competition.

SATURDAY

Arsenal v Fulham (3pm, Absolute Radio)

Few would have believed, a while back, that Mark Schwarzer would be in the away dressing room for this match, but he obviously loves Fulham so much that, after several Arsenal bids were turned down, he’s committed his future to the west Londoners.

If you can call it a future. It’s a real coup for Fulham keeping his services, but there’s a reason it’s a one-year deal with a later option of two – he’ll be dead soon.

What won’t happen: Andy Johnson to last 90 minutes, though it’s good to see him back

What will happen: Two out of form teams here, but the Gunners seem to have turned the corner from their Month From Hell and Fulham have never, ever, ever won away to Arsenal, in some 100 years and 24 attempts (of which they’ve lost 21). Home win

Birmingham v Spurs (3pm)

Spurs will want to carry the momentum from a fantastic result against Liverpool into this game. Birmingham are tougher opponents, with tougher fans – although it was good of Villa supporters to pity the pitch invaders for standing and throw them some chairs for a nice sit-down.

The Blues are blissfully injury-free, with only Hleb and McFadden doubts. Tottenham, on the other hand, will be without up to ten players including Younes Kaboul and Rafael Van der Vaart, who both withdrew against Liverpool, the Dutchman after only 10 minutes. Well, the showers take so long to heat up at White Hart Lane.

What won’t happen: Sebastian Larsson’s “No, YOU” goal celebration to catch on. Honourable as it is to congratulate a team-mate for a good assist, it did look a bit luvvy

What will happen: Conceivably, a decent Christmas period for Spurs. December notoriously sees a difficult run, but after this game and Chelsea, their four-week cram session sees them face Blackpool, Villa, Newcastle and Fulham – all winnable ties. First, though, it’s a battling draw here

Blackburn v Wolves (3pm)

Two teams you really, really don’t associate with scoring – hey, just imagine either Big Sam or Big Mick coming on to you in a nightclub – are actually showing some promise to do just that.

Wolves scored three (THREE) last week while Blackburn shipped seven (SEVEN)...hmm, that capitals thing only really works when you’re using numbers. Blackburn conceded 7 (SEVEN) – yes, much better.

And that’s not all: in the last four top-flight fixtures between these two, the fans have seen 16 goals. There is some benefit in bringing a DVD player to a live match, then.

What won’t happen: With Wolves poor on the road and Rovers trying to recover from that humiliation at Old Trafford, there could be more shutting up of shops here than in mining towns during the 1980s

What will happen: Wolves avoid defeat on the road for the first time in seven matches. Draw.

Chelsea v Everton (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

Mary-Ann Fellaini makes his annual return from suspension just in time to tag Mikel Arteta, who begins his three-match ban. They could really miss his creativity against Chelsea, but at least Fellaini can decapitate a few more Blues defenders – they’re almost down to the bare bones.

Don’t bet on an away win though: Everton’s only Premier League triumph at Stamford Bridge was 1-0 in 1994, thanks to a Paul Rideout goal. For the younger readers among you, Paul Rideout was the inventor of the fruit blender.

What won’t happen: Chelsea to ever listen to me and buy some more defenders; for this game, the stars align to let John Terry come back into the team to tag with injured Alex

What will happen: ‘Shock’ draw

Manchester City v Bolton (3pm)

Obviously with a squad list longer than a Qatari phonebook – actually, that’s not hard – some Manchester City deadwood will be cut in January and set to float down the river like so many uninvestigated corpses.

According to inside sauces, these unwanted players include the talented Emmanuel Adebayor, the superb Shay Given, the promising Michael Johnson, the nippy Shaun Wright-Phillips, the underrated Roque Santa Cruz, the reliable Jo, and Wayne Bridge.

One of the more bizarre choices for departure may be Pablo Zabaleta, who, despite not being the sort of household name City like to acquire, has impressed at full-back. In fact, he’s been almost their only attacking option behind Tevez.

It’s hard to understand, but then with Manchester City, you’re just not meant to.

What won’t happen: A more beautiful team goal for Bolton than their second against Blackpool last week...oh, who are we kidding, they’ll do it again with their eyes closed. Better than Barcelona, these boys

What will happen: Manchester City to play Real Madrid to Bolton’s Barça? Afraid not, sorry – score draw

Wigan v Stoke (3pm)

The clubs themselves probably don’t even care about this match.

What won’t happen: Record signing and flop Mauro Boselli, and to a lesser extent Wigan, to ever get their act together. He might have to soon, though: Victor Moses is out injured for three months

What will happen: Away win of the not-so-crushing variety

Blackpool v Manchester United (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

There’s a nasty rumour this game will be called off due to bad weather (Ian Holloway has been promoting Blackpool beach for use as training facilities, it’s got that bad). That’d be a disaster for ESPN as much as the fans: with the loss of Monday night footbaaaall they don’t get as many games as they did.

If the game does go ahead, expect goals: Blackpool haven’t kept a clean sheet at home yet and have scored twice in every game bar one.

Expect Manchester United’s players to wrap up warm, too. Tevez may no longer be there with his snood, but you wouldn’t put it past Berba to wear leggings, three pairs of gloves and thermal underwear plugged into the pitchside mains.

What won’t happen: Ian Holloway to bray like a donkey in his post-match conference and announce he’s the son of God, all to the tune of Spaceman by Babylon Zoo. His mind does seem to be going that way, though

What will happen: This could be just what United need after a 4-0 thumping by West Ham: away win

STOP PRESS! What won't happen: The game to be played this weekend - it's been postponed due to a frozen pitch...

SUNDAY

West Brom v Newcastle (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Let’s face it, West Brom’s Carling Cup defeat to Ipswich was inevitable. Arsenal have the tournament wrapped up this year, which is just as well because fans have been begging for silverware about as prestigious as a 2am QVC sale.

What won’t happen: Newcastle to be torn apart as thoroughly as they were by Bolton a fortnight ago, as Kevin Nolan reminds his team-mates that if they don’t buck things up, he’ll make them live in his unheated conservatory with the ghost of Steve Harper

What will happen: Home win. Just

Sunderland v West Ham (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Oddly, Sunderland have only won once in their last 11 Premier League outings against West Ham, scoring in just four. You’d expect that to change in this game, even if Avram Grant’s side did over Steve Bruce here in the Carling Cup – before dumping out Manchester United for good measure.

Famously, Carlton Cole scored two goals in a game for only the second time in his career, and the first time against top-flight opposition.

Before we get carried away with this statistic, we should remember that if his one-time England rival Emile Heskey scored a double, Villa fans would be bidding for a national holiday (or at least a car jack to pick up their jaws from the floor).

What won’t happen: Victor Obinna to destroy a team as comfortably as he did Manchester United – it’s what you’d expect from an Inter loanee, but not when it’s taken him 70 shots to score in the Premier League

What will happen: 11-0. Oops, typo. 1-0

MONDAY

Liverpool v Aston Villa (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Hodgson out, Houllier in? Give it time – the chants will come...

What won’t happen: Hodgson to last the season, even if he guided Liverpool to a solid third and Europa League glory. He’s no Kenny Dalglish, y’know

What will happen: A home win shuts the naysayers up for a bit longer. Well, the walk home at least...

Oi! FIFA! Shove it!

2010-12-02T15:10:00Z

With FIFA this afternoon handing the right to host the 2018 World Cup to Russia, Damian Hall clears the lump from his throat - and lets rip...

I’m not very patriotic. I’ve lived abroad long enough to have a passport for another country, I can’t remember the last time I cheered – really cheered – an England goal (probably Little Mickey Owen in ’98?) and I’ve never worn a silly hat given away by The Sun.

But today I would wear a red and white plastic hat, because I feel patriotic… patriotic and wronged. Today, when FIFA awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia, we woz robbed. Did I say robbed? I meant, rigorously shafted, with a big and especially robust Christmas tree, candles, angel, and all.

It would be all-too-easy to go on a one-eyed, over-emotional, ignorant and predictable rant about how we deserved it more than “them over the water who talk all funny and eat food that isn’t chips”, so that’s exactly what I’ll do.

At risk of sounding like a bile-spewing shock-jock from a certain sports-based commercial radio station, it was, quite simply, England’s turn – and we’ve been cheated. I can’t find another way to look at it. It’s like the Hand of God, but worse.

At least Diego Maradona owned up, sort of (and to be fair we had recently killed a lot of his compatriots). What have we done to President Bladder (as Morgan Freeman so wonderfully called him)? Oh yeah, that’s right. One or two of our journalists pointed out that several of his colleagues like their palms to be crossed with silver. And, crucially, we didn’t offer any silver.

I don’t blame the England bid team. They played it fair, I believe, and that’s probably why they lost. I’d rather be that sort of loser (and I know a fair bit about being a loser). The bid was flawless. We’ve got everything – all, bar the odd hotel or two, is in place and we did everything (bar the bribes). We even hauled out our poshest prime minister, a quite important prince and our most tattooed footballer (though it would have helped if Becks had brushed his hair).

"Panorama? I've not heard of it, guv..."

So why did Step Ladder and his cronies pick someone else? I think we all know why. Was it ever actually about football? Was it ever anything other than what we might euphemistically call ‘politics’?

After the corruption allegations, the clever thing would have been for Fifa to pick England, thus showing they had nothing to hide. Plus the “unscrupulous” English media may well have left Fifa alone for a bit. Now Fifa looks even more slippery and hopefully the wounded wolf, smelling an opponents’ blood, will pursue them even more.

I’m proud that we scared them off. If they are so frightened our free press might ask questions about where their Rolls-Royce and Rolex came from, then we don’t want to be hosting their Fun Zones anyway.

Actually, we do really. I was born nine years after the last World Cup in England and the earliest we could possibly have another one here is 2030, when I’ll be 55. Fifa, I genuinely feel like you stole my World Cup.

I feel like a five-year-old who’s just seen a Christmas present with his name on it handed to a distant cousin – the shouty, spoilt, rich cousin who’s always giving you Chinese burns – and I just want to stamp my feet and scream, “It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair, waaaaaaaaaah!”

In that vein, I’m wondering whether shouting a few childish expletives in Fifa’s general direction will help me feel better? Worth a shot.

Sod off Fifa, you bunch of worse-than-the-bankers, tax-dodging, schmoose-hounds; you greedy, selfish, failed traffic wardens; you unscrupulous, sister-sexing smegheads and scumbags; you corrupt cretins; you Nazi-gold-stroking vermin; you old, bald, berks; you dipstick dingbats, bozos and eejits; you nincompoop numbskulls and ninnys; you nerdy jerks and moronic, er, morons; you doofus dunderheads; you twerpy, twitty, twazzocks!

There. That’s about all the insults I know. I feel just a tiny bit better already.

And anyway Russia isn’t all that far away really, and I'm sure they'll put on a great World Cup… I just hope they have chips.

New issue exclusive: At home with Maradona

2010-12-01T14:21:00Z

The new issue of FourFourTwo is out now – and packed with enough stuff to get you through any snowmageddon...

At home with Maradona…
Possibly the best player ever. Almost certainly the most readable. Diego Armando Maradona reveals the truth behind the tales, exclusively for FourFourTwo.

Find out how the little man could well have been playing his football at Bramall Lane, why he loves Jack Bauer, and what exactly is a “Thermos Head”?

The best interview you will read this year.

Nani
Cristiano who? Portuguese winger Nani reveals the New Year resolution that has made him the daddy at Old Trafford.

Derby delirium
The day Europe went football-crazy with no fewer than seven massive derbies. FFT follows all the highs, lows, passion and bloodshed as seven cities sort out who really rules the roost.

Autobiographies
The football biography has come a long way in recent years. FFT examines the best, the worst, and those who may regret revealing a little too much.

Marines
Prepare for battle! Aerial assault! Midfield general! Meet the team who make Wimbledon’s crazy gang look like pussycats: Royal Marines AFC.

Salgado and “The Player”
New FFT columnist Michel Salgado shares his considerable football expertise – and our exclusive anonymous column from a secret top player sheds more light on the murky underbelly of the modern game.

Plastic Pitches
From controversial beginnings at Loftus Road to the future of Wembley Stadium? FFT investigates the rise of the artificial pitch, and why grass could be a thing of the past.

This issue of FourFourTwo includes interviews and insight from: Gus Poyet, Jody Craddock, Wes Brown, Josh McQuoid, David Seaman, Carl Robinson, Danny Dichio, Rohan Ricketts, Robert Earnshaw, Michel Salgado, Craig Burley, Nani, Royal Marines AFC, Marcus Bent, Dejan Stankovic, Yuto Nagatomo, Matt Le Tissier, Ben Foster, Glen Johnson, Diego Forlan, Lee Trundle, Yuri Pudishev and Louis van Gaal. Oh… and two blokes called Pele and Diego Maradona. Subscribe now!

The Englishman who backs Russia to get the World Cup

2010-11-30T15:53:00Z

With the 2018 decision D-Day approaching, Richard Edwards speaks to the East Anglian who pulled back the Iron Curtain

The race to host the World Cup is becoming more entertaining than the tournament itself, with skulduggery, rumours and counter-rumour and celebrity backing for the 2018 bids keeping what promises to be one of the most controversial votes in football history on the front and back pages.

England have wheeled out the big guns in an effort to fire themselves back into the reckoning, with Prime Minister David Cameron, the newly betrothed Prince William and, of course, Goldenballs schmoozing for all their worth as the big off approaches.

As this high-octane campaign draws to a close (much to the relief of all), the favourites will watch on with a sense of smug satisfaction and amusement.

The World Cup has never been further East in Europe than Germany, but if the bookies have it correct, then the final of the 2018 tournament will be taking place, not in Madrid, Amsterdam or London - but in Moscow.

Sepp Blatter has made no secret of his desire to bring the World Cup to the largest audience possible - and take the tournament to the parts that the competition hasn't reached since Uruguay first hosted football's showpiece event in the summer of 1930.

South Korea, Japan and South Africa are just three of the nations to have benefited from Blatter's global vision. And at least one Englishman believes that Russia should be the next in line.

The Russian bid team will hope to inspire FIFA in the coming days

Paul Ashworth is one of only a handful of coaches from these shores to have experienced Russian football at first hand.

He was director of football at FC Rostov in 2005 and, after marrying a Latvian and continuing his love affair with the East, is uniquely placed to give an insight into just why Russia is ideally placed to pip England to the post.

"Russia are a very proud and they want to win - and they'll do so at all costs," he tells FFT. "The bid team will have whatever money they needed to do whatever they need to make the tournament a success.

"Russia is a hugely ambitious country, no matter what sport we're talking about. I think it would be very well supported - it's a football country."

That said, the sight of half-empty stadiums is hardly unique in a country that has seen the profile of its domestic game rise hugely in recent years.

It's hard to imagine any match being played out to anything other than a sold-out stadium here in 2018, but the Russians are a resourceful bunch.

"With the exception of Zenit or Rubin Kazan, it's rare to see a stadium even half-full for Premier League games, but they're not the only country to suffer from that," says Ashworth.

"If you look at Spain or Portugal, Italy even, it's only the big teams that can fill out the grounds.

"But there's 125m people in Russia, football is the number one sport, and I think when it comes around the crowds won't be a problem."

Nor will hooliganism. "You only have to look at the Champions League final of 2008 to see how well organised everything would be," he said.

"I'm sure there would be no violence from fans - that would be a plus - because the Russian police wouldn't take any mucking about. As soon as anyone started trouble they would be thrown in prison."

When it comes to the bid itself, England have already run out of get out of jail free cards. No matter what Cameron, Wills and Becks do over the next few days it's hard to shed the feeling that, whoever wins the bid in Zurich, once thing is almost certain - Football isn't coming home.

Heroes & Villains: Henchmen, stamps and Danny Dyer

2010-11-29T15:37:00Z

After a record-breakingly goaltastic Premier League weekend, James Maw sorts the wheat from the chuff...

RESULTS Sat 27 Nov Aston Villa 2-4 Arsenal, Bolton Wanderers 2-2 Blackpool, Everton 1-4 West Bromwich Albion, Fulham 1-1 Birmingham City, Manchester United 7-1 Blackburn Rovers, Stoke City 1-1 Manchester City, West Ham United 3-1 Wigan Athletic, Wolverhampton Wanderers 3-2 Sunderland Sun 28 Nov Newcastle United 1-1 Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspur 2-1 Liverpool

HEROES

Dimitar Berbatov
Nothing sums up Dimitar Berbatov’s Manchester United career better than the last few weeks. During barren run of 10 goalless matches, very little came off bar a few flicks and flashes which ultimately led to nothing; then, just as his detractors were starting to write him off, an utterly scintillating performance where everything seemed to click.

While it’s fair to say Berbatov’s partnership with Wayne Rooney has yet to develop in the way many had envisaged when the Bulgarian arrived at Old Trafford just over two years ago, it's surely telling that his reappearance on the scoresheet coincided with Rooney’s return to regular action: the last time Rooney started two successive games Berbatov scored a hat-trick against Liverpool.

Marouane Chamakh
He may have frustrated the Gunners faithful with his ponderous play in the final third against Spurs last weekend, but the Moroccan’s performance as Arsenal returned to winning ways at Aston Villa was far more efficient and ultimately decisive.

After neatly prodding home Arsenal’s third just as the visitors were starting to look nervous about protecting their lead, Chamakh had the presence of mind to dink a square pass to the unmarked Jack Wilshere to nod home Arsenal’s fourth, when many strikers would have gone for goal themselves.

Scott Parker
Where would West Ham be without their captain marvel? Well, literally and figuratively speaking they’d be in the same place – East London and bottom of the Premier League – but without him they’d be further adrift. From the rest of the Premier League, not London.

The former Chelsea and Newcastle midfielder lead by example once again as Avram Grant’s side beat fellow strugglers Wigan in a match the club's marketing department named ‘Save Our Season’.

The 30-year-old scored his fifth goal of the season and ran the midfield as the East Londoners clinched only their second league win of the season. But with Harry Redknapp’s tracksuited henchman Joe Jordan watching from the stands, perhaps the Hammers will have to fend off their neighbours once again in January.

Mick McCarthy
Can a manager have a more satisfying experience than seeing one of his substitutes pop up and score a crucial goal? Perhaps seeing two of your substitutes pop up and score crucial goals – and then winning.

Credit to Mick McCarthy, then, for throwing Stephen Hunt and Sylvain Ebanks-Blake into the fray at the right time against Sunderland on Saturday – albeit that Hunt actually entered the game with Wolves winning, only for the Molineuxistas to fall behind before benefited from the tracksuit-shedding duo’s divine intervention. With matches against Birmingham, Blackburn and Wigan all on the horizon, now would certainly be a good time to put a little run together.

Chris Brunt
Two words: postage stamp. That is, of course, the cliche used to describe a shot that travels perfectly into the top corner - exactly where the goalkeeper can’t get it. This is exactly where West Brom wide-man Chris Brunt bent his 30-yard free-kick past a helpless Tim Howard. First class (no signature required).

VILLAINS

Paul Konchesky
The left-back’s contribution to one of Liverpool’s better away performances this season won’t be remembered favourably. Aaron Lennon may be quick, but that’s really no excuse for letting the Spurs winger sail past him with such ease in the dying seconds of the game. If nothing else he could have just hauled down the nippy Yorkshire whippet in the box, safe in the knowledge Spurs would’ve missed the resulting spot-kick.

You have to wonder exactly how much worse things would have been for Konchesky had Lennon seen more of the ball throughout Sunday’s match at White Hart Lane – particularly with the former Fulham full-back booked in the first half hour of the game and Lennon being exactly the kind of player you don’t want to be facing for an hour under a yellow card.

With everybody fit, Liverpool really aren’t too far off the quality of the top five – but Konchesky is one player that will certainly need to be replaced if the Reds are to compete with the Premier League’s best.

Alex & Petr Cech
If there’s any justice in this cruel, cruel world of ours, there’ll still be time to re-edit Danny Dyer’s Pwoppa Nawty Football Banta – the DVD on the lists of every WKD-supping, Tim Lovejoy-worshipping ‘Jack the lad’ this Christmas – and include "these two maaaaaaags makin a wite pwoppa dog’s dinner of it".

‘It’ being another avoidable goal, the Brazilian overhitting his back-pass to his keeper, Cech failing to read the pass and stumbling as it rolled heavily past him, giving Andy Carroll the chance to pounce and put Newcastle ahead.

Mauro Boselli
A vital relegation clash is no time for a record signing to produce a pathetic penalty. The Wigan striker's spot-kick was saved by Robert Green, although Robson Green could have got to it (Jerome Wotsit would probably have gone the wrong way, the clot). Things didn’t really improve from that point for the Argentinian; he even caused a second Wigan goal to be disallowed by loitering in an offside position as Steve Gohouri prodded home. Linesman Martin Yarby flagged despite Boselli not being active. Not strictly his fault, but it summed up his day nonetheless.

Pascal Chimbonda
Blackburn's trip to Manchester United represented a bit of a Spurs old boys' get-together, with Dimitar Berbatov, Pascal Chimbonda and Paul Robinson doubtless sharing a pre-game laugh about the days the former would score a hatful while the latter pair would haplessly watch goal after goal sail past at the other end. The longjohn-wearing Guadeloupite got so much into the spirit of the occasion, he even played a crisp, pin-point 20-yard through-ball to Berbatov, which the Bulgarian promptly blasted past the increasingly concerned-looking Robinson.

Gonzalo Jara, Mikel Arteta, Steven Pienaar, Lee Mason, David Moyes and Tim Cahill
They say two wrongs don’t make a right, and Everton have learned the hard way that five wrongs don’t have a positive effect either.

A cavalcade of concerning conduct and crunching challenges began when West Brom’s Gonzalo Jara appeared to enter into an 'aerial duel' with Toffees left-back Leighton Baines leading with an errant elbow; referee Lee Mason merrily waved play on. Steven Pienaar then attempted to barge the Chilean over; referee Lee Mason merrily waved play on. As the ball ran loose, Mikel Arteta steamed in on innocent bystander Chris Brunt; referee Lee Mason merrily waved play on. Jara then in turn steamed in on Arteta; referee Lee Mason merrily waved play on. The Spaniard retaliated by stamping on the clearly riled Jara; referee Lee Mason merrily waved pla… sorry, force of habit.

It was at this point that Mason finally opted to stop the game, eventually doling out a red card to Arteta and leaving the rest of us perplexed as to why he didn’t stop the whole ugly affair much sooner. But it didn’t stop there. Tim Cahill later raked his boot down the back of Jara’s leg in what looked a premeditated act of vengeance, before David Moyes refused to criticise Arteta’s stamp, ‘reasoning’ that had Jara’s initial challenge on Baines been punished, the whole affair wouldn’t have escalated.

Kevin Davies, Saloman Kalou, Maxi Rodriguez and Jermaine Beckford
These four players, all of which play for clubs who failed to win on Matchday 15, were all guilty of missing utter sitters. Of the quartet, perhaps the most rueful looking was Maxi Rodriguez, who failed to even get a proper shot away having been played in by Fernando Torres against Spurs at White Hart Lane on Sunday. That’s not to say the other three should be completely let off the hook.

Davies dawdled and subsequently failed to hit the target under pressure having got his feet all tangled – not literally, that would be horrible. Kalou opted to shoot with his stronger right foot from a narrow angle when his left foot looked much the better option. Beckford, following his glaring late miss in Monday’s draw at Sunderland, volleyed across goal and well wide when a Premier League striker really should at least test the goalkeeper. Which begs the question: is Beckford a Premier League striker?

The uncharacteristically brief, 17 syllable Premier Preview

2010-11-26T11:48:00Z

Although we always appreciate the multitudes of you who lend us your time to read our ramblings (we say 'lend', you aint getting it back), there have been complaints, mainly from the magical pixies round the back of the website that upload it, that this Premier League preview blog, frankly, goes on a bit.

So for one week only – promise – the previews will be reduced to 17 syllables, in haiku form.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

SATURDAY

Aston Villa v Arsenal (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

Tale of two Fabs: Cesc
Hammyknack; Almunia
Not Fabianski?

What won’t happen: A red card: though games involving Arsenal games have produced more reds this season than any other team (eight), Villa spectators haven’t seen one (except on the telly)

What will happen: Fabianski to keep his place in an away win despite return of Collins and Carew for Villa

Bolton v Blackpool (3pm)

Wow – Bolton are good!
But ‘Pool love the North: wins at
Wigan, Toon, Anfield.

What won’t happen: Bolton to let up their amazing run

What will happen: Charlie Adam to score from outside the box: he’s had 26 shots from that distance already. Home win

Everton v West Brom (3pm)

No Baggies win at
Goodison since ‘70s
And Brunt out too. Ouch.

What won’t happen: An exciting high-tempo game between these two out of form teams

What will happen: This haiku thing to get really old really quickly (sorry, but in the words of the sadly departed Magnus Magnusson, we’ve started so we’ll finish). Bore draw

Fulham v Birmingham (3pm)

Few injury woes
For either side, but Fulham
Hardly the form team.

What won’t happen: Lee Bowyer to score again. Ever.

What will happen: Fulham struggle to bounce back from last week’s thrashing but claim an important draw against an improving Birmingham

Manchester United v Blackburn (3pm, 2nd half only on 5 Live Radio, full commentary on 5 Live Sports Extra)

Man United not
On the telly? Surely not.
Who watches Roo now?

What won’t happen: Blackburn, looking so poor until recently, make it four wins from five

What will happen: United do the job with little fuss

Stoke v Manchester City (3pm, Absolute Radio Extra)

What? Man City not
On the telly? Surely not.
Two such graceful teams!

What won’t happen: Stoke’s new proposal to the Premier League to be implemented: just count the second half. They’d be top

What will happen: The grumbling around Mancini to die down a touch after another good away win

West Ham v Wigan (3pm)

Victor Obinna
Shot Count: 47. Goal
Count: big fat zero.

What won’t happen: Golazooooo! This pair have the two lowest shots-to-goals ratio of any team in the league this season. Cows arses need not fear banjo players

What will happen: A painful game but a crucial three points for West Ham

Wolves v Sunderland (3pm)

“Remember us, Mick?
“We Black Cats were crap with you;
“Now we’re good; how’s Wolves?”

What won’t happen: Sunderland’s impressive seventh place to last into the New Year

What will happen: Big Mick to taste relegation yet again? It’s looking increasingly likely, especially after an away win here

SUNDAY

Newcastle v Chelsea (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Coloccini banned
And Williamson too, so
First Toon start for Sol?

What won’t happen: Chelsea haven’t lost three league games on the trot since the last millennium. Expect it to stay that way

What will happen: No Essien, Terry and Lampard spells trouble for Chelsea, but they muddle through to a draw

Spurs v Liverpool (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Stoke loss, West Ham win:
Reds veer from crisis to joy
As per. Calm down, dears.

What won’t happen: A calm, reasoned, long-term review of Liverpool’s fortunes from their fans, instead of week-by-week schizophrenia

What will happen: And indeed, as Spurs win it’s back to ‘The biggest disaster in the club’s history’ and calls for Hodgson’s head

Ten good reasons the Conference is better than the Premier League

2010-11-24T13:01:00Z

Damian Hall explains why the fifth tier is more appealing than the top flight...

1. You Actually Matter

Part of a 75,000-plus crowd at Old Trafford were you? Congratulations, but, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, you didn’t matter.

I’m sure you do to your 673 Facebook friends and that, but not in a real way. If you hadn’t gone, someone else would have paid shocking amounts of money to plonk their juicy behind on the exact same seat. In the Football Conference (also known by the appalling moniker, the Blue Square Premier) you’re genuinely adding to the gate. No one will replace you if you don’t go. Therefore, you matter. And that’s a good feeling.

2. The Football is Bobbins

Why won’t someone else take your seat, or spot on the terrace (see number six), if you don’t go? Because the football is utter bobbins.

The players aren’t that good – OK, they’re better than me, but not by much – they miss open goals, catastrophically under-hit back-passes and the keeper drops the ball more often than their Premier League contemporaries. The pitches, stadiums and pies aren’t as good either. Which of course actually means they’re better.

Can you remember when football was fun, nay funny, when you’d have a good larf while you watched a game? In the Conference it’s still good old-fashioned innocent fun. Like the olden days.

Plus there are no waiting lists, no need to sell a limb for that season ticket, and no queueing outside the ground like some berk outside the Apple store the day the latest iWotsit is released. Life down here is easier too.

3. Winners Are For Losers

It’s easy and lazy to support a big club. I know you tell that story about supporting Liverpool “all your life”, but that’s like saying you’ve been brought up in a rich area all your life. Yeah, congratulations, impressive commitment.

It may have saved you from a bit of banter at school (well, in the ‘80s), but by the time you’ve grown up few will respect you for it. Support a crap team and people will admire you; you’ll seem more interesting, will make rakish new friends and will doubtless have a lithe new girlfriend within days. Seriously. I guarantee it. She’ll be way hot.

All of these men have beautiful, beautiful girlfriends...

4. Why Aren’t You Watching On The Box?

Premier League football is solely a television sport anyway. At the risk of sounding like I vote BNP (I’d rather vote Paul Gascoigne), “EPL” clubs are largely foreign owned and run, with foreign managers, buying foreign players, and it’s being watched all over the world by millions of, yes, foreigners.

That’s all completely fine – it’s good to share – but there’s very little that’s local, or English, about it. To paraphrase a famous Manchester singer (who did not support United, incidentally), it says nothing to us about our lives. The Premier League is nowt to do with us anymore. Let it go. Swap it for something more intimate and personal.

5. Two Timing

Luckily the EPL is on the telly box, wireless and big interpipe, so you can have the best of both worlds; the adorable if needy wife and the wanton glamour girl on the side. However, the glamour girl is best viewed from a distance.

Like photos that replace your real memories of a holiday, the events you think you saw at a Premier League game can get replaced by the television version. Every incident is picked over by the meeja like a corpse in the desert, becoming what sociological boffins call hyper-real: more real than the real (event).

Even if you go to a game, there’s a feeling that you still need to watch MOTD anyway, to “see what really happened”. So why pay all that money to watch what everyone else is watching too? After a non-league game, no one else has seen it, so you get the sense of exclusivity. Better still, do both.

6. Stand Up For Yourself

Remember terraces? Remember when you could stand up without being told to sit down? Remember moving about to get a better viewpoint (not generally a problem, admittedly)? Or just changing your position because you fancied it? Sitting down for a bit? Meeting all your mates in the same place? Game of cards anyone? Do a little dance? Get down tonight? Terraces are another reason why the Conference is king.

"Excuse me, you appear to be sat in my....oh"

7. Abuse Use

Because the crowds are much smaller, the players can actually hear you when you call them “worse than my gran and she’s dead”, or much shorter words to that affect. Sometimes they even answer back. That’s fun too. (Unless you see them afterwards.)

8. It’s Not Bobbins Actually...

I was unfair earlier. You will still see good players and some famous ones too. At my club alone during the last 10 years I’ve seen Tony Daley (ex-Aston Villa and England), Dennis Bailey (think hat-trick at Old Trafford for QPR), Stuart Slater (West Ham and Celtic), Paul Warhurst (Sheffield Wednesday, when they would nearly win stuff), Nigel Spink (Villa and England), Ian Olney (Villa, plus he went to my school) and this season, albeit playing for the opposition, Frank Sinclair (Chelsea, when they didn’t win stuff). Non-league players who’ve gone onto major fame and fortune include Ian Wright, Les Ferdinand, Kevin Phillips, Stan Collymore, Kerry Dixon, John Barnes, Iain Dowie, Steve Finnan and Chris Smalling. So there’s every chance you will actually see a star, either rising or falling.

9. No Wayne Rooney

Better still, in the Conference there’s no Wayne Rooney, no John Terry, no Ashley Cole and no Emmanuel Adebayor. I dislike those people.

10. Cost

It’s an obvious one, but it’s cheaper too. And your money is not going into the pockets of any of the above. That’s a nice feeling.

Heroes & Villains: Boy-bands, bubble perms and bonkers bookings

2010-11-22T14:04:00Z

Naming the goodies and shaming the baddies from the Premier League weekend with James Maw...

RESULTS Sat 20 Nov Arsenal 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur, Birmingham City 1-0 Chelsea, Blackpool 2-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers, Bolton Wanderers 5-1 Newcastle United, Manchester United 2-0 Wigan Athletic, West Bromwich Albion 0-3 Stoke City, Liverpool 3-0 West Ham United Sun 21 Nov Blackburn Rovers 2-0 Aston Villa, Fulham 1-4 Manchester City

HEROES

Younes Kaboul and William Gallas
It says a lot about how rampant Arsenal were in the first half of Saturday's North London derby that Tottenham’s centre-backs were so comfortably the visitors' best performers despite the team being 2-0 down.

Gallas has had a wobbly start at White Hart Lane, but he and the club’s fans will certainly be happy he managed to finally find his feet – against Arsenal, of all teams. The outspoken Frenchman has been uncharacteristically understated since crossing North London, but that didn’t prevent him from being the subjected to a torrent of abuse from the fans of his previous club, although that only seem to act as further incentive. He was in imperious form from the first minute, when he delicately dispossessed mortal enemy Samir Nasri.

However it was Kaboul who struck the decisive blow, flicking Rafael van der Vaart’s inswinging free kick into the bottom corner to cap a successful week in which he also received his first ever call-up into the senior French side. The former Portsmouth man is slowly starting to develop a strong defensive partnership with his compatriot; now all they need to do is start keeping some clean sheets, having not managed one in their last 13 Premier League matches.

Roberto Mancini
Following the anti-climax of the Manc derby and the sheer frustration of the home draw with Birmingham, came a much-needed and highly impressive 4-1 victory away to a Fulham side who had previously only lost once at home all season and had yet to concede more than twice in a match.

Mancini's men were much more attacking at Craven Cottage, and City clearly and emphatically benefited from having extra bodies upfield, even if one of them was Jo: the extra attacking intent allowed David Silva and Carlos Tevez in particular the opportunity to roam the final third looking for pockets of space in which to cause havoc.

It was also a victory for the Italian's policy of playing Yaya Toure at the pinnacle of his midfield, with the Ivorian providing a constant outlet to City players under pressure in possession in their own half, and also scoring a neatly taken and sublimely crafted first goal for the club – at the end of a move encompassing two dozen passes.

Bolton Wanderers
We're getting to the point now where we have to stop referring to teams as having "had a good start" and instead acknowledge that they’re probably roughly where their ability and application merit – and have every chance of staying there if they can maintain somewhere near the same levels over the next six months.

This is true of Bolton. Although you would imagine a prolonged tilt at the top four would most likely prove a step too far, at this stage there looks no significant reason they shouldn't compete with the likes of Liverpool, Everton and Aston Villa for a European spot.

Owen Coyle has proven that it’s possible to get a ‘lesser’ side into the upper reaches of the Premier League table without having to resort to a more primitive form of the game. It might not be too long before Reebok regulars finally move on from the Sam Allardyce era.

Ben Foster
Chelsea may currently be in somewhat of a malaise, but that didn’t stop the champions peppering Foster's goal with 32 shots at St Andrews on Saturday afternoon. No fewer than nine of their efforts drew saves from the England international who, particularly in the first half, showed exactly why he has now risen to second in the pecking order for his country.

With Edwin van der Sar looking increasingly likely to retire at the end of the current season, perhaps in the not too distant future Sir Alex Ferguson will be ruing allowing Foster to leave Old Trafford.

Paul Robinson
Foster wasn’t the only English keeper to frustrate his opposition and help his side pick up three points. Morten Gamst Pedersen may have scored the goals, but it was Paul Robinson's performance at the other end which was most decisive in seeing Blackburn march to a 2-0 win over Aston Villa – their third victory in a four-match period which has seen Rovers jump from the bottom three to 11th place.

Luke Varney
Luke Varney really doesn’t look like a footballer – he looks like he's in sales, or maybe a crap mid-90s boy band who have just reformed (for the love of the music, not the money).

That said, he definitely is a footballer, because it's very very unlikely that a mere wallet-extractor could score a goal as lip-smackingly spectacular as the one Varney lashed in from the corner of the box in the early stages of Blackpool’s crucial win against Wolves.

VILLAINS

Arsene Wenger
Given his history of ‘not seeing’ offences committed by his starlets over the past 14 years, it came as no surprise to hear Wenger claim he hadn’t seen the frankly preposterous handball committed by Cesc Febregas in his own penalty area which allowed Rafael van der Vaart the opportunity to equalise from the penalty spot.

It did, however, come as a surprise to hear Wenger claim he could see that the free kick which preceded said handball should not have been awarded, despite that offence occurring the same distance away barely 30 seconds previously.

The Frenchman will also face questions over his summer defensive acquisitions, with Sebastien Squillaci and, in particular, Lorent Koscielny so far not looking anywhere near consistently solid and composed enough for a team pushing for Premier and Champions League titles.

Hugo Rodellega
What you really don’t want to do, when your team has just gone down to 10 men away to Manchester United, is fly into a two-footed tackle and get sent to join your dismissed teammate in the dressing room just minutes later. But that didn’t stop Hugo Rodellega steaming in to Rafael da Silva an hour into Wigan’s defeat at Old Trafford. Quite how the usually honest and objective Roberto Martinez could attempt to defend it, we have no idea.

Phil Dowd
Last time we checked, a finger held to pursed lips didn’t constitute inciting the crowd any more than actually putting the ball in the back of the net in the first place. But that’s why Dowd booked Spurs’ Rafel van der Vaart for doing after the Dutchman equalized at Arsenal. Killjoy.

Brad Friedel
The American keeper put in an uncharacteristically poor display as Villa slumped to defeat at Ewood Park – flapping at crosses throughout the first half before getting his positioning all wrong in allowing Morten Gamst Pedersen to bend a free-kick over his head and into the far post from an acute angle.

The match marked the 10th anniversary of Gerard Houllier releasing Friedel from Liverpool, and if this kind of performance is repeated the Frenchman may well consider doing away with him again, if only this time to the substitutes bench.

Fabricio Coloccini
Having made a right old hash of a long ball and thusly allowing Johan Elmander to barge past him and slot the ball past Tim Krul into the back of the net, the bubble-permed Argentine defender then planted his elbow in the Swede's face. His impending suspension will allow the fit-again Steven Taylor another chance to prove he can cut it in the top flight, having looked far from a Premier League defender in the Magpies relegation season. Then again, so did Coloccini.

Echoes from the 1950s as England play the degeneration game

2010-11-20T09:30:00Z

Here’s a kind of quiz. See if you can identify which England games these six observations relate to.

1. “The modern youngster must not only be thoroughly groomed in the skills of the game but have instilled into him the arts of positioning, covering and team-work.”

2. “There is something wrong when a leading football nation struggles to produce players with the technical or tactical sophistication to emulate the skills of their counterparts in France, Germany, Holland, Italy, Spain and beyond”.

3. “Forwards quickly moved onto position. A few passes lured England’s defenders upfield. Once that had been done, a well-placed through-pass [created] a clear path to goal.”

4. “When it comes to football, England players are not very bright.”

5. “I condemn them for spending ridiculous sums on transfers instead of spending it on the talent that exists on their own doorsteps.”

6. “The English players too often made wild passes.”

The first, third, fifth and sixth quotes were all published in Charles Buchan’s Football Monthly after England’s double humiliation by Hungary in 1953 and 1954: the 6-3 defeat at Wembley and the 7-1 walloping in Budapest. The second is Oliver Kay’s depressed, frustrated pondering on France’s routine 2-1 victory over England. And the fourth is Martin Samuel’s frank assessment of the disaster in Bloemfontein – although, in 1954, Buchan makes the same point: “We have not enough brainy players in the game today.”

Watching a rerun of England v France, especially the latter stages where the Three Lions lumped it up to the big man, it was hard not to be reminded, too, of another piece the great, much distrusted maverick genius Len Shackleton wrote in Charlie Buchan’s magazine: “To quote the greatest coach of them all, Jimmy Hogan, our soccer is becoming the wrong type of ‘B’s’. Jimmy says football is, above all, both B’s – Brains and Ball Control, and not Bash and Boot.” On the evidence of the most recent 90 minutes, England’s technical ability is roughly on a par with Wagner’s mastery of the vocal arts on The X Factor.

Apparently Wednesday evening's edition of The Apprentice attracted 6.9 million viewers, 200,000 more than watched the second half of the England game. When two long running reality TV shows go head to head it’s a tough choice. Here are two increasingly predictable melodramas, with gruff authoritarian figures at their centre, surrounded by an increasingly shambolic cast. Presumably more viewers plumped for The Apprentice because Alan Sugar’s English is slightly better than Fabio Capello’s and, more importantly, at least on BBC1 you had the satisfaction of knowing one of the incompetent amateurs on display would get fired.

You can only imagine what Sugar would say to Gareth Barry...

Does anyone actually enjoy watching England play at the moment? About once a month, my wife buys a CD which she describes as “music to read by”. Under Capello, England are increasingly playing football to read by

If France, as Henry Winter suggested, are playing the regeneration game, England seem to be in the degeneration game. Maybe it’s time, as Bruce Forsyth used to say, to play the generation game – forget Euro 20102 and build a team around Wilshere, Rodwell, and McEachran for 2014 and beyond.

The mention of Forsyth makes we wonder if the issues here go far beyond football. There was much consternation in England when the legendary all-round entertainer that is Brucie failed to conquer America in the 1980s. But the great Jackie Mason wasn’t surprised. The Americans had heard, Mason acknowledged, that Bruce could sing, dance and tell jokes – what people had forgotten to mention was that he couldn’t do any of them very well. Maybe that has replaced hooliganism as the English disease…

The booing, televised, Birmingham-mentioning Prem Preview

2010-11-19T13:31:00Z

After more dullardry in midweek internationals, we’re back to the serious stuff; the real games of football, if you will, that actually matter.

There are real life or death games this weekend. If West Ham lose, Avram Grant will be forced to tender his resignation before being shot out of a cannon. Well, what else can you expect from Messrs Sullivan and Gold? It’s a miracle they don’t turn up to home games dressed as a circus ringleader and a sad clown.

And hey, it’s all on TV! (The football, not the cannon-shooting). Sure, we’re not talking the terrestrial terror of Adrian Chiles et al insisting on trying to find positives from an England performance that had very few of them, but get thee to a licensed pub or, failing that, a radio and you’ll find live football galore.

There are just the three untelevised or radio-ised games Premier League games this weekend. It’s a shame they include a couple of interesting but less publicised match-ups, but such is life. Well, money.

SATURDAY

Arsenal v Spurs (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

The Biggest Game In The World Ever That Is Taking Place This Weekend is essentially a reason for Arsenal to boo William Gallas.

But, and England fans take note, maybe they have a reason to. Gallas consistently undermined his own players as Arsenal captain and, upon being released from the club, joined their fiercest rivals.

Not enough to boo him upon his return, perhaps but compare to the latest pathetic performance from England fans and it seems almost reasonable. To save on more words being ranted into the ether here, read the superb Jonathan Fadugba blogging on why England fans who choose to boo are a bunch of tools.

In news rather than opinion, the BBC reports ‘Wilshere faces derby fitness race’ as if he’s a Grand National winner trying to recover in time to be ridden by a tiny jockey.

And in stats rather than news, this could be a horrible 69 for Spurs, seeking to beat one of the traditional Big Four for the first time in nearly 70 attempts.

What won’t happen: Away win: Arsenal haven’t lost back-to-back Premier League home games in nearly 13 years

What will happen: Spurs are reinvigorated by Jermain Defoe’s return and romp to a draw

Birmingham v Chelsea (3pm, 5 Live Radio)

Good coverage, 5 Live, good coverage. There aren’t enough 3pm kick-offs on the radio and this could be a corker – if Brum get their arses into gear (have to mention them this week - have had some stick for glossing over their matches more often then not...).

Winless in five matches, the home side need Ben Foster to sort out his woeful distribution from midweek, but most as importantly they need a pick-me-up to climb out of the relegation zone. Jean Beausejour could be the player to bring it: an exciting winger from Chile (that’s all they breed over there), he hasn’t featured much this season but it would be great to see him.

He and Birmingham can certainly exploit, as can many clubs over the next eight fixtures or so, a weakness at the back as Chelsea continue their policy of having no reserve centre-backs.

With John Terry out for six to eight weeks and Alex requiring knee surgery and not 100% fit, Chelsea may have to turn to back-up... except they haven’t got any. Ricardo Carvalho went to Real Madrid late in the transfer window but no replacement was brought in, leaving Chelsea with only right-back-by-nature Branislav Ivanovic as a capable CB – and he looked very dodgy against Sunderland.

Michael Mancienne having been sent out on loan to Wolves for the 15th time, Chelsea’s only options are the young and inexperienced Jeffrey Bruma (who does have an international cap, to be fair) or bringing back Michael Essien to accompany Ivanovic in the middle.

Paulo Ferreira in the heart of defence should not be considered an option.

What won’t happen: Any kind of sense to be made...

What will happen: ...as Ferreira starts in the middle again. Brum take their chance for a point

Blackpool v Wolves (3pm)

It’s too early to call this a six-pointer, but a win would be massive for either side – especially Wolves, who, for all Marcus Hahnemann’s reassurances on MOTD 2, are five points adrift of safety at the moment.

They’ll be boosted by the injury-prompted absence of Blackpool keeper Matt Gilks, although it does mean the vastly underrated (well, slightly underrated) Richard Kingson could play.

What won’t happen: The much-maligned Richard Kingson to play – the Tangerines will find some other keeper down the back of the sofa

What will happen: Away win (gasp!)

Bolton v Newcastle (3pm)

You can’t accuse Owen Coyle of being a tinkerman: Bolton have seven ever-present starters in the league this season, the joint-most with Birmingham. Being a squad member with the Trotters means being just that.

A shame, since this blog would like to see Coyle pick himself after scoring a belter in a friendly against Cliftonville this week. Check out this audacious chip (goal begins with a very debatable handball on 0:35).

For Newcastle, Andy Carroll will be fit after a decent showing on debut for England, although Cheick Tiote and – surprise, surprise – Joey Barton are suspended. Most entertainingly, Kevin Nolan will make his first return to the Reebok almost two years after leaving, prompting confusion from fans who don’t know whether to boo him or revere him.

What won’t happen: Much reverence, probably

What will happen: A draw keeps both teams in the top half

Manchester United v Wigan (3pm, Absolute Radio)

Good haul for Absolute, this – the Lancashire lash should perhaps have been on TV (oh come on, Liverpool-West Ham?).

Maybe everyone’s ignoring the game because of the likely non-event it will be: a comfortable home without the ratings-bringing thrashing. In 11 meetings between the two Manchester United have won 11, dishing out two 5-0s last season.

What won’t happen: This to go well for Wigan

What will happen: Easy win, with Javier ‘Little Sweet Green Garden Pea’ Hernandez to score a doubl

West Brom v Stoke (3pm)

Such is the current closeness of Premier League table that from week to week, Stoke seem to be veering dangerously from flirting with Grade A Minger relegation to picking up the tipsy girl next door of mid-table security, packing her into a taxi and taking her home for an evening of debauchery.

For the record and the lawyers, this is a very strained metaphor: Stoke City FC are not the kind of club to actually pick up drunken women and use them for sexual gain.

An easier claim to substantiate (because it’s true) is that after this weekend’s fixtures, the Potters could be anything from fifth to 18th. Most likely, though, they’ll be pottering along in the ninth to 12th region.

West Brom would settle for that right now: their incredible start has hollowed out somewhat. A win here would be useful to say the least. And the least is all we ever say.

What won’t happen: Either team to move much in the table, despite...

What will happen: A home win

Liverpool v West Ham (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

This blog isn’t entirely convinced this is a natural game for television, but hey, we’ll take what we can get.

West Ham haven’t won their last 24 away matches in the top flight, and haven’t won at Anfield since 1963. You can see where this is going.

Not that Liverpool’s record is looking much healthier: brilliantly, all 12 of their goals this season have been either scored or assisted by Fernando Torres or Steven Gerrard, and the latter will be missing for several weeks after injuring himself for England – that cap was almost as controversial as Fabio Capello’s homage to Tony Pulis.

What won’t happen: The Sun to let up in its tiresome campaign against Capello, especially now they have the ‘Prat in the Hat’ tagline to go with

What will happen: Home win - Gerrard or no Gerrard.

SUNDAY

Blackburn v Aston Villa (1.30pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

The sneaking suspicion that Gerard Houllier hasn’t moved on with his life since temporarily leaving management in 2007 continues with the signing of 87-year-old Robert Pires.

And we’re assured Blackburn’s takeover by Miss Millie’s wannabes Venky’s Chicken is nearly completed, meaning many shots of anonymous men in the stands accompanied by intense-sounding voiceovers from Sky.

All in all, this is going to be the most intensely analysed 0-0 we’ve seen all season.

What won’t happen: Pires to embarrass himself or Houllier: he’s still a very useful player, though most likely in the centre now and not on the wing

What will happen: Sunday lunch snorefest

Fulham v Manchester City (4pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

Mark Hughes faces the club that sacked him for a seemingly worse alternative, with Roberto Mancini walking the plank and ready to be pushed. Defeat to a Cottagers team just one point away from the drop zone could be enough to see him be dropped himself, into the briny deep.

Fulham won’t be helped by an ankle injury to Chocolate Moussa Dembele, however, nor the fact that both Carlos Tevez and Joe Hart are expected to return for Man City.

What won’t happen: The visitors to score a header – they’re the only Prem team not to have done so this season (probably because Richard Dunne’s gone)

What will happen: An away win saves Mancini’s skin for now

MONDAY

Sunderland v Everton (8pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

The last time Sunderland conceded at home was to Cesc Fabregas’ converted fluke some five hours and 47 minutes ago (in football time, that is, as opposed to earlier today in a closed-doors friendly).

But they haven’t beaten Everton in 11 attempts in the league, and playing on Monday night, may struggle to maintain momentum from that amazing win at Chelsea. Darren Bent will replace Danny Welbeck up top.

For Everton, the most interesting team news is that it’s Yakubu’s birthday, bless him.

What won’t happen: A converted penalty: an impressive four of the last six at the Stadium of Light have been saved or missed

What will happen: People to keep sniffing at Chelsea’s defence as the reason behind Nedum Onouha’s solo effort, but it was a wondrous goal, so shh, all righ. Away win brings Sunderland down to Earth and down the table.

Heroes & Villains: Foxes, moustaches and gloves

2010-11-15T13:35:00Z

Rounding up the baddies and bigging up the goodies from the weekend's Premier League action...

RESULTS Sat 13 Nov Aston Villa 2-2 Manchester United, Manchester City 0-0 Birmingham City, Newcastle United 0-0 Fulham, Tottenham Hotspur 4-2 Blackburn Rovers, West Ham United 0-0 Blackpool, Wigan Athletic 1-0 West Bromwich Albion, Wolverhampton Wanderers 2-3 Bolton Wanderers, Stoke City 2-0 Liverpool Sun 14 Nov Everton 1-2 Arsenal, Chelsea 0-3 Sunderland

HEROES

Sunderland
It’s rare you find yourself agreeing with Paul Merson, but his prognosis that Sunderland's performance at Chelsea led to the hardest Man of the Match selection of the season was surely spot on. To a man the Black Cats were superb – from Michael Turner and Nedum Onouha at the back, to Asamoah Gyan and Danny Welbeck up top via Jordan Henderson and Lee Cattermole in the centre.

The fact the visitors had an amazing 18 attempts at goal, nine of which were on target, tells you everything you need to know about Steve Bruce's side's approach to the game, which was in stark contrast to their withdrawn stance at Tottenham on Tuesday evening and their shambolic performance at St James' Park last month.

In two weeks flat, Steve Bruce has arguably gone from his managerial nadir to his zenith. He somewhat understatedly said of the game “Today, we did OK.” It will certainly be interesting to see what Bruce does once Darren Bent returns to fitness, given how well his team have performed in his absence, perhaps benefiting from the increased flexibility their new system allows them. The England striker certainly shouldn’t expect to stroll back into the starting XI.

Johan Djourou & Lukasz Fabianski
Perhaps not the two players you'd expect to be at the front of Arsenal's Man Of The Match queue, but the pair were integral at Everton to what is becoming a typically resilient away performance from Arsene Wenger’s side.

Johan Elmander & Stuart Holden
This blog has singled out the ‘New and Improved Johan Elmander’ on a couple of occasions this season, but the evidently-more-nimble-footed-than-we-expected Swede's impromptu spot of penalty-box fox-trotting at Wolves on Saturday took his Premier League goal tally for the season to six – twice the number of big-league net-bulges he caused last season.

But we’ve yet to properly sing the praises of Bolton’s most consistent performer of the season, indefatigable midfielder Holden. Despite having a haircut like somebody out of Dawson’s Creek, or The OC, or whatever it is kids watch these days, the Scotchmerican has become an integral cog in a Bolton side exceeding all expectations so far this season. After he’s scored his first Premier League goal, finishing an 11-pass move, in a hard-fought away win, seems as good a time as any to be giving him the props. It’s better late than never.

Marc Albrighton & Stewart Downing
While Gabriel Agbonlahor earned what was by his own admission a surprise England recall over the weekend, two of his Aston Villa team-mates could have been forgiven for keeping half an eye on their mobiles on Saturday evening, hoping for a call from FA HQ. Goal – strong header off the line from Ferdinand – England call-up?

Federico Macheda & Nani
For the second successive weekend, Manchester United’s result and performance have looked altogether more positive after their title title rivals have played their matches. Macheda, despite still looking a long way from being worth of a place in the starting XI, has developed a knack of scoring late goals when United are on the rack, while Nani’s cross for Nemanja Vidic’s leveler was a thing of beauty.

Jon Walters
Here at FFT Towers, we fully support Movember, despite some of the team being too youthful to develop credible face furniture. All the more reason, then, to laud Stoke striker Jon Walters, who is currently sporting the kind of soup-strainer that even a German porn veteran (male) would be proud of. 

VILLAINS

Roberto Mancini
While sticking to your tactical guns is to an extent commendable, you’d have thought that the Manchester City boss, having come under criticism from pundits and fans following his side’s less than ambitious performance in the derby on Wednesday, might have adopted a slightly more attacking mindset at home to struggling Birmingham City.

Fair enough, Carlos Tevez has only recently returned from injury – and for that matter Argentina – and Mancini had thrown on a striker for a midfielder (Roque Santa Cruz for James Milner) 17 minutes previously. But with Brazilian forward Jo sat kicking his heels on the bench, surely the Italian could and should have been a bit more bold?

Perhaps having seen the rewards reaped by Sunderland in doing so at Chelsea, he’ll be inspired to take the plunge.

Howard Webb…
There’s no getting around it, Howard Webb didn’t have a great game at Goodison Park. While his poor decisions weren’t reserved exclusively for the benefit of Arsenal, it was Everton who probably had most cause to feel aggrieved, and not just because they ultimately lost the match.

Whether he was failing to award Everton a free-kick just outside the box for a blatant foul by Alex Song, or booking Cesc Fabregas for inadvertently catching Sylvain Distin in a 50-50 challenge in which both players were probably as culpable (or otherwise) as each other, Webb was never far away from agitating one set of fans or the other. Come Tony Pulis's revolution, expect to see Mr Webb at a fourth division ground near you.

 Sebastien Squillaci could and should have been sent off for hauling down Louis Saha as the Everton star looked to circumnavigate the Frenchman, with no other Arsenal defender realistically about to stop the pacy forward getting a shot in.

…Mike Dean…
 Wes Brown could and should have been sent off for bundling over Ashley Young as the Aston Villa star looked to pounce on a Gabriel Agbonlahor cross, with no other United defender realistically about to stop the pacy forward getting a shot in.

…and Chris Foy
Branislav Ivanovic could and should been sent off for tugging back Danny Welbeck as the Sunderland star burst through the home defence, with no other Chelsea defender realistically about to stop the pacy forward getting a shot in.

And people whinge that there’s no consistency among Premier League referees…

Gael Givet
In a baffling and costly loss of concentration akin to a three-year-old letting go of a balloon then bawling as it gently floats away, Blackburn defender Givet gifted Peter Crouch his first Premier League goal of the season by inexplicably failing to shepherd clear the ball after Paul Robinson had parried a Roman Pavlyuchenko shot. This allowed Crouch to prod the ball past the understandably miffed Yorkshire-born gloveman.

The French defender may have compensated for it partly by scoring Rovers' second in injury time, but his lack of focus in his own box was ultimately the moment the match moved beyond the visitors.

Ryan Babel
 The delicate little Twitter-flower delayed his own substitution in Liverpool’s defeat at Stoke because he had forgotten to put his gloves on.

The ribcage punching, coffee soiling, Chekhov-loving Prem Preview

2010-11-12T12:19:00Z

Relegation weekend, yeah? Because if you didn’t know, it’s a statistical fact that 97 per cent of Premier League relegation battles are actually settled on the second weekend of November: it’s these games that ultimately really matter.

That’s why this Saturday we have such fangtastic dogfights as West Ham-Blackpool, Wigan-West Brom and Wolves-Bolton.

Oh, except... hang on... at the moment they’re not relegation six-pointers, any of them. West Brom are looking pretty comfy at the moment, as are Blackpool, and Bolton are as high as sixth. Admittedly, Wigan, Wolves and West Ham are still making up the bottom three, but when aren’t they?

So once again, England’s top league throws up an unpredictable season – one so exciting and different that even Ollie the Octopus, shamelessly trading off his relative Paul’s fame, couldn’t foresee what might happen.

But that’s because he’s rubbish.

SATURDAY

Aston Villa v Manchester United (12.45pm, Sky Sports 2 & HD2, 5 Live Radio)

An intriguing match-up, this, with Villa unbeaten in four and United unbeaten since last season. Admittedly it’s the most unconvincing evasion of defeat since Fulham’s effort at the start of this campaign, but results are results, and United are grinding them out like Stoke in a coffee beans factory.

The biggest virus since Trojan seems to have hit Old Trafford, with up to eight players rumoured to be under the weather at one point. Some Vicks has done the job since then, but the visitors are still likely to be missing Rafael to a dead leg – always sounds like a crap injury, that – and Patrice Evra, while Giggs, Anderson and Gibson are all doubtful. Also, Scholes is suspended, Hargreaves and Owen permacrocks and Rooney on a witness protection scheme in America.

A good chance for Villa then? Maybe not – an injury to Carew as well as Heskey leaves them short upfront, while no fewer than four players have knee injuries. Sounds like the famously no-nonsense Gerard Houllier has been whipping out the kneebreakers and getting on the phone to the glue factory.

What won’t happen: A home win here: their last triumph over Fergie’s charges at Villa Park was before Gerard Houllier was even in charge of Liverpool.

What will happen: Away win

Manchester City v Birmingham (3pm, 2nd half only on 5 Live Radio, full commentary on 5 Live Sports Extra)

Adebayor and Tevez have shared seven goals in their last four appearances each against Birmingham, and Citeh recorded a thumping 5-1 win in this fixture last year.

It bodes well for the home side and Roberto Mancini’s inspired rotation technique. Basically, make sure your star Italian striker gets sent off after scoring twice so he’s suspended for a while, then everyone gets a game. Sorted.

Apart from poor old Roque Santa Cruz, of course.

What won’t happen: Santa Cruz to get the respect he deserves

What will happen: Santa Cruz to move to Fulham or a similarly placed club, or quite possibly abroad – to Santa Cruz, even. It’s not that far. A home win knackers Brum further.

Newcastle v Fulham (3pm, Absolute Radio)

It’s slightly scary seeing Newcastle in fifth, because the last time that happened this blogger was in nappies (at least, that’s how long it feels). We definitely don’t want a return to those days (the nappies, that is…).

Nor do we want a return to the days of Joey Barton being allowed to walk the streets. It was one hell of a punch he landed to Morten Gamst Pedersen’s ribcage, perhaps he was incensed by this...

But what was even more impressive was the way he tried to persuade the referee and even Pedersen that it was a slap and not a punch, which basically involved Barton hitting Pedersen over and over again while the official watched. It’s a genius way to get in some repeated assault, but hardly an original one: we never knew Barton was a Blackadder fan...

What won’t happen: Barton’s three-match ban to be rescinded on account of good behaviour in the past

What will happen: Fulham to miss their excellent signing Carlos Salcido, out for a month with a Villa-esque knee injury. Newcastle take only their second home win over Fulham in six attempts

Spurs v Blackburn (3pm)

Crikey, you’d never know Jason Roberts was frustrated with being permanently benched at Blackburn. If his celebration upon scoring the winner at Newcastle wasn’t a ‘f**k you’ to Sam Allardyce, we don’t know what is – short of taking a dump in his morning coffee, of course.

Maybe Roberts should go to Spurs. ‘Arry has already complained about a lack of pace in his attack. And you’d think the Grenadan – Roberts, not Redknapp – has to be quicker than human lamppost Peter Crouch.

What won’t happen: Defoe to feature, as rumoured. It would be an incredible boon for Spurs, but an even more incredible error to rush him back

What will happen: We can’t keep getting Spurs predictions wrong, surely... this one will be a draw. Which means it’ll probably now be 8-0 one way or the other

West Ham v Blackpool (3pm)

The last time these two met was in 1971, when men wore hats and Avram Grant was recovering from his Bar Mitzvah. The West Ham boss should have an easier task in this game than an epic Hebrew recital, and one that involves a little more Ian Holloway.

You’d hope Ollie doesn’t carry out his threat to quit if he is punished for fielding a ‘weak’ team against Aston Villa – but then, of course, he shouldn’t be punished at all.

Forgetting the predictable gag about any Blackpool line-up being a weak line-up (it doesn’t really work now they’re doing quite well), it wasn’t a bad team at all. And he had a good reason for resting players: after plenty of games in quick succession, they’re knackered. If Holloway is censured, it will be the biggest miscarriage of justice since Jesus was crucified. And that’s not an exaggeration…

What won’t happen: West Ham have found their scoring boots at last, thanks in part to a shot from Scott Parker against West Brom that, but for the net, would still be travelling, but they need to convert goals into wins.

What will happen: Draw

Wigan v West Brom (3pm)

The Baggies’ amazing start has been curtailed by taking only one point from three games – two of them against relegation candidates too – but they’ll feel confident against a Latics side without a league win in six matches. Still, their defence is looking a little tighter now.

In the revolving door of suspensions, Youssuf Mulumbu returns from a ban for West Brom but Gonzalo Jara still has one game to go, and Steve Gohouri returns from his ban for Wigan.

In other news, there’s still a direct correlation between the relegation zone and your team beginning with ‘W’.

What won’t happen: Martinez to play 8-1-1 and go for the point

What will happen: Away win gets West Brom back on track

Wolves v Bolton (3pm)

Bolton have a great chance to keep up with the big boys for a bit longer here: a win could take them into fifth. Cue a spate of injuries as the Trotters succumb to altitude sickness.

It’s a slightly different story for Wolves, who, despite always being touted as relegation fodder, should really be doing better. They have a good squad and a manager with a sense of humour. That puts them above most teams.

What won’t happen: Stephen Ward to feature for Wolves after having stitches in his leg on Wednesday (ow)

What will happen: A draw brings Bolton back to Earth

Stoke v Liverpool (5.30pm, ESPN & ESPN HD, TalkSPORT Radio)

The late televised kick-off is an opportunity for Liverpool to know where they stand, or slide, before going into battle at Stoke. While we’re here patronising the Potters with accusation of violent football and long throws, take a look at this baby and turn the sound UP.

Things are looking better for Roy Hodgson now, and the Reds actually have a chance to push back into the top five with a result here.

Unbelievably, six – SIX – teams are tied on 16 points, meaning his team could also be as low as 16th if results don’t go their way. Close league. Closer than... something... that’s close. It’s OK, the editor will add something funny here [Get stuffed, it‘s nearly lunchtime - Ed].

What won’t happen: All the managers in the league to vote on each other, with Pulis being relegated to the Championship on account of being a ref-bashing misery.

What will happen: A frustrating draw for Liverpool ala Wigan on Wednesday, and tiresome calls for Hodgson’s head on a platter to renew once more

SUNDAY

Everton v Arsenal (2pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, TalkSPORT Radio)

Marouane Fellaini in sending off shocker! He’ll miss this game after his latest red card. Arsenal will miss Kieran Gibbs and Thomas Vermaelen; less so the injured Manuel Almunia, as Flappy-hand-ski seems finally to have got his act together. This is a problem: his moniker doesn’t lend itself to a more positive nickname unless you just emphasise the ‘FAB’ part and have done with it. But surely no tabloid would be that lazy…

What won’t happen: The Polish glovesman (isn’t that a Chekhov play?) to suddenly stumble upon an English grandparent and Capello to pick up the phon

What will happen: GUNNERS SAVED BY FAB-IANSKI. Away win

Chelsea v Sunderland (4.10pm, Sky Sports 1 & HD1, 5 Live Radio)

It was a bit of a surprise to see Ray Wilkins thrown out on his ear, the former Chelsea assistant manager now out of a job.

The popular explanation is that, having inherited Wilkins from Big Phil Scolari, Carlo Ancelotti has decided he doesn’t really need him as part of his coaching set-up and waited until it would cost nothing to get rid of him.

Either that or the Italian has realised, entirely correctly, that there’s nobody less attractive in a tracksuit.

What won’t happen: Away win

What will happen: Home win. We’re nothing if not concise.

Brave Drogba shows workshy Cole the way

2010-11-11T16:43:00Z

If there’s one piece of media work that deserves a bit of credit this week, it’s Chelsea choosing to reveal only now that Didier Drogba has had malaria for a month (and that he’s better now).

A month. Do you know how long that is in football? It can be measured only by being broken down into headlines and column inches: somewhere in the region of 17,000 hours spent writing and reading them, all on the subject of malaria.

If, that is, Drogba’s malaria woe had been revealed a month ago, at the start of his battle. Oh, imagine the press coverage if Fleet Street had known straightaway.

We would have had appeals for charity from one camp, accusations of disease-bringing foreigners from the other. "Bobby Charlton never got malaria," sniffs a tabloid columnist, "and if he had he’d have played on like the pro he was – he once scored a hat-trick while clinically dead."

Meanwhile, we’re treated to a history of malaria in football, lists showing The Greatest Footballers With Names That Are Anagrams Of Malaria and a debate over whether the English national football team’s fortunes could improve if they were exposed to life-threatening diseases more often. "Is malaria a serious issue affecting African football?" asks the Guardian. "Is Drogba the bravest footballer since Bert Trautmann?" asks the Independent.

And this is not to mention the extensive analysis into his play before every Chelsea game, after every Chelsea game, and indeed every time he touched the ball. “What a hit, son,” cries Andy Gray as Drogba spoons wide from six yards. “For a man with malaria, that’s a great effort. Take a bow.”

But thanks to Chelsea’s silence until now, this has all been avoided. Thank you, Chelsea. This is meant with 100 percent sincerity: thank you so, so much. They have brilliantly nipped it in the bud by waiting until the bud – and bug – was already nipped. The media can’t do much now. It’s old news. Drogba’s better again. Expect a small amount of localised chatting, then malaria to die the death it tried, and failed, to inflict on football’s Chuck Norris.

And as for Drogba, he deserves credit for carrying on as if he was the healthiest man on Earth. He’s obviously not been at his best over the last month (still provided an assist though), but to manage a full 90 minutes without coughing up blood, or even without anyone noticing he was suffering, is incredible. You didn’t see that kind of effort from Cheryl Cole. All in all, her performance during The Malaria Months was beyond poor.

Which brings us on to how Drogba caught malaria in the first place. Was it Cheryl? Is Ashley’s ex getting revenge on the love rat by having a series of malaria-ridden trysts with his team-mates? Thankfully for our legal team, the answer is almost certainly no.

Still, what a headline that would make.

Heroes & Villains: Punches, crunches and dribbling morons

2010-11-11T10:27:00Z

For this midweek only we’re flipping Heroes and Villains as, well, there weren’t really as many decent heroes as villains. Look, we don’t have to conform to your damn conventions...

RESULTS Tue 9 Nov Stoke City 3-2 Birmingham City, Tottenham Hotspur 1-1 Sunderland Wed 10 Nov West Ham United 2-2 West Bromwich Albion, Wigan Athletic 1-1 Liverpool, Wolverhampton Wanderers 0-2 Arsenal, Aston Villa 3-2 Blackpool, Chelsea 1-0 Fulham, Newcastle United 1-2 Blackburn Rovers, Everton 1-1 Bolton Wanderers, Manchester City 0-0 Manchester United

VILLAINS

Manchester City and Manchester United
The boos you heard at the end of this match weren’t from the home fans, rather from us poor, put-upon neutrals who have had to endure weeks of tedious hyperbolic build-up to this match, without the pay-off of 90 minutes' entertainment. Booo. Obviously, we jest, and the boos really were from the City faithful, and although a point against Manchester United isn’t ever to be sniffed at, the home side’s approach to the game was over-cautious bordering on the flat-out negative. Boooo.

One salient fact: there was only one offside during the whole match. That’s how often the two teams looked to play their forwards in behind. Booooo. United will be the happier, and looked the more likely to win the match, but ultimately both sides will reflect on this match as an opportunity missed - City for adopting such a restrained approach and United for not taking advantage of City’s edginess. Boooooo.

Did we say booooooo?

Lee Cattermole
You’ve got to wonder what on earth is going through this chap’s head. Having been sent off twice already this season, the Sunderland midfielder hurtled into a challenge with Spurs midfielder Luka Modric with two feet off the ground, clipping the top of the ball before clattering the Croatian and sending him flying.

While "getting the ball first" may be enough for dribbling morons like Sky Sports' Tony Gale, it’s not enough for those who would rather not see more injuries of the nature we saw inflicted on Hatem Ben Arfa last month.

Ironically, of course, Cattermole wouldn’t have even played at White Hart Lane had he been sent off for what looked a suspiciously deliberate goal-line handball on Saturday. Ho-hum.

Michael Essien
They call this "doing a Balotelli" in the blue half of Manchester, that is when they’re not sleeping or booing. The Ghana midfielder may have scored what proved to be the only goal of Wednesday evening’s derby win over Fulham, but didn’t help Chelsea’s cause by later being sent off on his return from injury after going in two-footed with studs showing on Clint Dempsey. There may not have been much contact, but it was certainly a bit reckless, and a lot stupid. Another little break for you, Michael.

Marouane Fellaini
Another idiot, the disco-loving Belgian thought the dying minutes of a home match in which his side were losing was the right time to try and stud the admittedly irritating Paul Robinson in the swingers. To be fair to Fellaini, his side levelled the match once he had been given his marching orders, so perhaps he was onto something.

Joey Barton
Why, Joey, why? You’ve had a very impressive start to the season, playing a key role in Newcastle’s surprise climb to fifth, then you go and thump the admittedly irritating Morten Gamst Pedersen in the stomach, almost certainly meaning you’ll be handed a ban by the FA. Why? Sorry, what’s that? It’s because you’re a hot-headed fool who’ll never learn? Oh, OK then.

Cesc Fabregas
He may well have apologised as profusely as a morning-after wife-beater, but the contrition came too late - much like the Spaniard’s "meaty" tackle on Stephen Ward that lead to the Wolves man being stretchered off. It certainly would have had Arsene Wenger kicking Lucozade bottles over the stand had the boot been on the other foot (or embedded into the other calf).

Aston Villa fans
In the words of Delia Smith; “Where are yous? [hic] Letsh be havin yeeeeew!” Sure, a clash with Blackpool’s B-team on a chilly November evening might not set the pulses racing, much like the bulk of Villa’s football this season, but a Premier League crowd 8,000 below capacity is pretty poor for a club with top-four ambitions.

HEROES

Marouane Chamakh
Arsene Wenger’s big summer signing (in terms of expected impact, if not price, seeing as he was on a free) has had a steady if unspectacular start to life in English football, acting as a slightly more consistent ‘direct option’ than Nicklas Bendtner.

The Moroccan couldn’t have wished for a much better start to Wednesday evening's game at Wolves, heading home Alex Song’s right-wing cross after just 37 seconds to put Arsenal into an early lead. He ended it pretty well too, holding his run to stay onside before galloping onto the end of Cesc Fabregas’s chipped through ball and dinking the ball past Marcus Hahnemann.

Jason Roberts
From not having a squad number at the start of the season, to being the man to score two successive winners. Not a bad week at all for Blackburn’s striker. The former Wigan and West Brom man didn’t play a second of football this term until coming on against Chelsea 10 days ago and while he may not have looked particularly sharp that day, you can’t question his impact since. Now he has good cause to expect to make his first start of the season at Tottenham on Saturday.

Nathan Delfouneso
The youngster looked lively throughout Aston Villa’s win over Blackpool, and was maybe unlucky to see a 56th-minute header ruled out for a fairly innocuous bit of climbing as he battled to outjump his marker. No bother, as it turned out: minutes later, the teenager beat the Blackpool offside trap to smash Villa into a 2-1 lead anyway.

Mike Dean
We always like to make a point of praising referees when they get things right, if only because it seems to have been a fairly rare occurrence in the Premier League this season, so step forward Mr Michael Leslie Dean, 42, of the Wirral.

The man in the middle at Upton Park awarded two penalties that, while entirely correct, would more often than not probably be waved away by the man in black. One for each team too, so it was all lovely and even. Beautiful.

Jermaine Beckford
It’s been a long time coming, but the former Leeds striker will be massively boosted by scoring his first Premier League. And in some style too, curling home brilliantly in the dying seconds of the match at the home end to secure a hard-fought point for his team.

Asamoah Gyan
One chance, one goal, one Bent-shaped hole in Sunderland’s attack firmly plugged. You can’t really ask for much more than that, can you?

Stoke
Finally, praise for a team bullied for most of the season by certain FFT bloggers. Having lost five successive matches, they could easily have crumbled after blowing a two-goal lead – but against Birmingham on Tuesday, the Potters dug deep and unearthed a brilliant 3-2 victory.

This was the kind of grit and determination we became accustomed to seeing from Tony Pulis’s side in their first two Premier League seasons, but that has been missing so far this term. You sense if there’s to be a turning point in their season, this may well be it.

Prem Preview: Morph suits, mental recovery and Mick Hucknall

2010-11-09T15:49:00Z

And so to the floodlights.

It's the only full midweek Premier League programme before Christmas, and these midweek sports specials - one for you older readers there - open a quickfire Premier League double-header. Half the sides will play two home games in a week, while the other 10 sets of fans face a double dose of motorway fun.

Contraflow curses aside, the pressure will really be on those underperforming sides playing at home twice. Like West Ham, who host newly-promoted duo West Brom and Blackpool within the space of four days.

With both the Baggies and Tangerines having turned in eye-catchingly good away performances so far and the Upton Park faithful not the most patient bunch, could the end be nigh for cuddly old uncle Avram Grant?

TUESDAY

Stoke v Birmingham
Hold on to your unsightly baseball hats, Tony Pulis is off on one again...

Sure, the Stoke boss has every right to be miffed after the Potters were denied a clear goal/penalty after Sunderland’s Lee Cattermole handled a Kenwyne Jones header on/behind the goalline in Saturday’s match at the Stadium of Light, but there are gaping holes in his plan to get Premier League managers to vote on which referees are allowed to remain operating in the top flight the following season.

For starters, we doubt very much the Football League would be up for having the top flight’s cast-offs forced down the garbage chute with even more regularity than usual. Then there’s the matter of the integrity of the whole system. Imagine Fergie coming out before a ‘six-pointer’ towards the end of the season and stating “I haven’t decided which referees I’ll vote out of the Premier League yet. I hope the referee on Saturday has a good game.”

What won’t happen: This ‘Sky Sports contractual obligation special’ to be one of the games of the season.
What will happen: Sky Sports to bill this ‘Sky Sports contractual obligation special’ as one of the games of the season. 0-0.

Tottenham v Sunderland
Spurs will look to bounce back from their largely shambolic defeat at Bolton with a home win against Sunderland, who bounced back from their largely shambolic defeat at Newcastle with a home win against Stoke. So it can happen.

Darren Bent is out for Sunderland, meaning there’ll be no missed penalties, no hurled plastic bottles, and no goals for any Sunderland player other than Asamoah Gyan, given the two forwards are the only Sunderland players to net so far this term.

Spurs may or may not be without the Premier League's October Player of the Month Rafael van der Vaart, with Harry Redknapp yet to decide on what degree he is "daaahn to the bare bones'.

What won’t happen: Spurs to keep a clean sheet - they haven’t done that since the opening day against Roberto Mancini’s 4-6-0 Manchester City.
What will happen: A Sunderland player other than Gyan or Bent to score for Sunderland, now we’ve pointed that out, but Spurs to edge it 2-1.

WEDNESDAY

Aston Villa v Blackpool
It’s been a funny old start to the season for Villa - four points off fifth place, but only three above the drop zone.

Their fairly poor league form (three points from the last five matches) has been masked by the tightness of the Premier League table, and it’s not often tightness masks stuff, as anybody who saw a certain member of the FFT posse in a skintight lycra St George Cross ‘morph suit’ during the World Cup will testify...

Blackpool may only be one point better off than Villa, but will be more than a little chuffed with their start. They’re realistically well over a third of the way to safety, with barely a quarter of the season gone.

They do need to work on their sharpness in front of goal, mind. An impressive 41 shots in their last two matches have produced an unimpressive five shots on target and four goals, two of which came against the nine men of West Brom.

What won’t happen: Marlon Harewood to play against his former club in a skintight lycra St George Cross ‘morph suit’.
What will happen: Harewood and chums to put in another strong away showing. 1-1.

Chelsea v Fulham
Via the popular medium of the backhanded compliment, Fulham have been described this season as ‘hard to beat’, having only lost twice in 11 league matches. However you could just as easily describe them as ‘easy to prevent from winning’, given they’ve also only won two matches.

Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti is expected to welcome back Michael Essien to his side following their defeat at Anfield in his absence, while Didier Drogba should also start, despite suffering malaria. Who’d have thought it, Didier Drogba is harder than Cheryl Cole...

What won’t happen: Didier Drogba and Cheryl Cole to sing a moving duet about malaria. Sadly.
What will happen: A rare non-draw for Fulham as Chelsea bounce back. 2-1.

Everton v Bolton
While everyone has been creaming themselves over the early-season form of the newly promoted sides, steady old Bolton have been steadily moving steadily into the upper echelons of the Premier League table, like a big steady... errrrm... train.

They’ll travel to Goodison full of confidence after a highly impressive win over ‘hungover’ Spurs on Saturday [that’s a Champions League hangover – FFT lawyer], but will be wary of their recent record on the Toffees’ patch. They’ve failed to score on their last four visits, losing each time. However, the last time they did win in Moyesville, it was a 4-0 gubbing. Swings and roundabouts, innit?

What won’t happen: Bolton to win 4-0.
What will happen: Everton to pee on Bolton’s early-season chips with a narrow, hard-fought 2-1 win. And with only three points and three goals separating them from 16th-placed Blackburn, Bolton to drift back into midtable.

Manchester City v Manchester United
Look, everybody is going to be blathering on about this game between now and 8pm on Wednesday, and then most probably also from that point onwards to 3pm on Saturday, so you’ll have to forgive us for keeping this brief for fear of boring you all to tears.

City, United, Tevez, noisy neighbours, Denis Law, massive club, “this city is ours“, Wayne Rooney, no wait - not Wayne Rooney, “well we didn’t want him anyway”, “we took 10,000 to York”, “we took four billion to Barcelona”, some homemade banner that says something about something or other, Eric Cantona sat in some berk’s kitchen talking about the derby for no apparent reason, Curly Watts, Mick Hucknall, “Ryan Giggs was at City as a kid”, “Yeah, everybody knows that - they always mention it, it’s boring now”, “Fergie, sign him up”, “Fergie, sign him up”, ‘Welcome to Manchester", “quick, get some socks and red paint…”

What won’t happen: This match to be the be-all and end-all of the existence of mankind, or even football, as we know it.
What will happen: Some football to be played in a way that will probably ultimately prove anti-climactic. 1-1.

Newcastle v Blackburn
There could be a touch of the after-the-Lord-Mayor’s-Shows about this match for Newcastle, having won so brilliantly at home to Sunderland and away to Arsenal in their last two matches.

Despite big wins against Villa and the Mackems, Newcastle haven’t always found playing at St James’ entirely enjoyable this season – they've got just one point from their other three home games, with Stoke, Wigan and Blackpool all scoring twice.

Blackburn’s strong defensive record (they’ve conceded fewer Premier League goals than Newcastle and the same number as Manchester United) suggests there’s a possibility of the home crowd being frustrated once more.

What won’t happen: Kevin Nolan or Andy Carroll to dash out and buy the News of the World in a hurry.
What will happen: Blackburn to hold Chris Hughton’s side to a bore draw. 0-0.

West Ham v West Brom
It’s the West derby – the biggest derby in English football (other than the East derby between Eastbourne Borough and East Grinstead Town, obviously) and the pressure is well and truly on Hammers boss Avram Grant.

Like fellow Premier League noobs Blackpool, West Brom are in the snug confines of mid-table - where just two points separate sixth and 14th place - and, like Blackpool, they’ll be more than happy with being well on the road to safety, which will still be their primary aim despite taking four points from away trips to Arsenal and Manchester United.

West Ham, meanwhile, would probably settle for four home points against West Brom and Blackpool (who they host on Saturday) for starters...

What won’t happen: West Ham to get four points against West Brom and Blackpool
What will happen: The locals to get (even more) restless. A 2-1 win for the visitors.

Wigan v Liverpool
Liverpool are back to their five-time-European-Cup-winning best!

Well, that may be overstating it a bit, but they at least look to be capable of winning football matches that aren’t handed to them on a plate, while Fernando Torres is finally starting to look a little something like his old self, even if he’s still a long way from hitting top gear.

Wigan, meanwhile, have been largely bobbins at home this season. Can you see where this is going?

What won’t happen: Liverpool fans not to get carried away.
What will happen: Liverpool to continue their mini-revival with another win. 2-0.

Wolverhampton Wanderers v Arsenal
With the greatest of respect to Wolves, they’ll get nothing from this match if they try and get involved in a free-flowing pass-tacular football fun-fest. And Mick McCarthy is likely to recognise this, even if he struggles to recognise Juan Sebastian Veron.

The Gunners can ill afford to drop many, if any, points against the Premier League’s lesser lights following their second home defeat to a newly-promoted side this season against Newcastle on Sunday. But with Arsene Wenger stating Cesc Fabregas is still ‘restricted’ by the ongoing mental recovery from his recent injury problems, you sense they may struggle to avoid doing so.

What won’t happen: Arsene Wenger to leap up in celebration of a tackle, or to dismiss any meaty challenges on his teenie-tiny starlets as "just part of the game".
What will happen: Karl Henry to be booked (at least) and Arsenal to be strong-armed out of a win. 1-1.

Heroes & Villains: Bed-wetters, fruit loops and the Wicker Man

2010-11-08T10:21:00Z

The weekend's Premier League goodies and baddies...

HEROES

Fernando Torres
If the proclamations that Fernando Torres was ’back’ following his goal against Blackburn two weeks ago seemed a trifle premature, similar claims following his match-winning performance on Sunday certainly appear to be of more substance.

The formerly flaxon forward furthered his frightening goalscoring record at Anfield (44 in 47 league matches) and in particular against Chelsea (seven in eight), as Roy Hodgson’s relegation-threatened Reds showed they were never really at any risk of going down and the namby-pamby bed-wetting sorts who previously thought otherwise were actually just being rather silly.

As silly, in fact, as the people who thought the Reds would win the blessed league just because they signed Joe Cole. And we’re not entirely ruling out the possibility there may be some overlap on the Venn Diagram of those two groups.

Chris Hughton
The first thing to say about Chris Hughton is that all of the grey in his hair - and you expect plenty of it on a Newcastle manager - has curiously gathered on one side of his head. The second thing to say about Chris Hughton is that he is working absolute miracles at St James’ Park and deserves all the praise, accolades and new contracts heading his way.

It's one thing to tonk a woefully out-of-sorts Sunderland at home, even if it's the most important thing in the world for your fans. Rocking up to the home of one of the ‘Big Four/Three/Five/Six’ and coming away with a richly-deserved 1-0 victory is quite another.

With back-to-back home games against Blackburn and Fulham to come over the next week, it could well be that the Magpies are soaring (gerrit?) towards the top of the Premier League table for a while longer yet.

That or they’ll suffer some sort of mental breakdown and not be able to win at home again for a couple of months like they did the last time they gave somebody a right royal gubbing - you never can tell with Newcastle…

Gretar Steinsson
With the football media going absolutely stark raving mental about Gareth Bale following his ascension to the higher echelons of largely over-egged and generally worthless hyperboledom, much of the focus in the run up to Saturday’s meeting of Bolton and Spurs fell upon the man facing the ‘impossible’ task of stopping Gareth Bale. So impossible nobody has managed it since Phil Neville about two weeks ago.

But in a delicious twist of oh-so-predictable irony, Spurs couldn’t muster a second decent showing in a week, and it was the Icelandic defender who had the bigger impact on the game, scoring as he did Bolton’s second goal.

Granted, he may have been left in Bale’s wake on a couple of occasions in the first half, but he was able to tighten the screw in the second and generally snuff out the threat of the athletic young Welshman.

Word too for Kevin Davies, who scored two - one a perfect penalty, which should surely underline his potential worth to England - and deftly teed-up Martin Petrov’s game-settler in front of the watching Fabio Capello.

Ji Sung Park
With Saturday being Sir Alex Ferguson’s 24th snniversary at Old Trafford, it was perhaps fitting that Manchester United would win in textbook fashion - at the last, having failed to impress in the first 93 minutes of the match.

But with United’s frontline consisting of the vastly inexperienced trio of Gabriel Obertan, Bebe and Javier Hernandez, it was always likely that Ferguson would rely on one of his old stagers to seal the win.

In the event, it wasn’t Ryan Giggs or Paul Scholes, rather the understated and generally under-praised Ji Sung Park. The midfielder, having earlier put United 1-0 up, dodged a flurry of Wolves challenges before twisting inside and screwing a shot into Marcus Hahnemann’s onion bag.

Such a scrappy win probably didn’t give too much encouragement to Ferguson or United’s fans at the time, but with fellow Champions League participants Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham slipping to defeats of varying degrees of unforseeableness, they should just be happy to have got the points ’on the board’.

Asamoah Gyan
Nothing will help you get over a derby day doing-over better than a win, other than maybe 28 further wins and the League title.

With that fairly certain not to happen, the Black Cats will have to make do with this Gyan-inspired win over Stoke. The Ghanaian scored twice and also won his side a penalty – although he had that chance grabbed off him by Steed Malbranque, who fluffed the spot-kick.

And all this in Gyan's first Premier League start in the absence of Darren Bent, who was busy playing Call of Duty or something.

Neil Eardley
A superb free kick scored by a player who reminds us all of Neal Ardley and the halcyon days of Wimbledon’s Crazy Gang crazying up the Premiership (as it was then) with their crazy madcap craziness. Crazy.

VILLAINS

Mario Balotelli
In lieu of any real Premier League villainy this weekend, we’ve opted to make Super Mario our headline act. The Italian scored his first two Premier League goals as Manchester City vitally returned to winning ways at the Hawthornes, but then needlessly got himself sent off following two petulant and pointless offences.

He earned his red card for threateningly swinging a leg in the direction of West Brom midfielder Youssuf Mulumbu’s face, like a haggard old man shaking his walking stick at some unruly youths.

And now he’ll miss Wednesday match's against Manchester United. It's the last thing Roberto Mancini needs, what with the tabloids - who as we know are always right - suggesting Jose Mourinho may be willing to leave free-scoring, table-topping Champions League contenders Real Madrid in favour of a team containing a fruit loop he was probably more than a little relieved to be done with this summer.

That’s Balotelli again, in case you were wondering.

Javier Hernandez
Having wooed and wowed us with some nifty footwork, unusual heading technique and adorable little cherub-like face that you just want to gleefully squeeze like a semi-deranged octogenarian, Javier Hernandez showed exactly what we don’t like to see from young players in the dying minutes of Manchester United’s laboured win over Wolves.

With the game locked at 1-1 and time ticking away, the Mexican took an almighty tumble after going out of his way to ensure his left boot clipped Marcus Hanehman as the ball ran harmlessly out for a goal kick. Fortunately, he didn’t fool Phil Dowd, who wore a typically disgusted expression as he booked the little scamp for his misdemeanour.

Tottenham Hotspur
Saturday’s feeble defeat at Bolton was possibly the most predictable episode in the entire history of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.

But what we’d really like to know is why Harry Redknapp - having last week left Peter Crouch on the bench at Old Trafford reasoning he wouldn’t get much change out of aerial battles with Nemanja Vidic and Rio Ferdinand - opted to start the gangly Pringle-plugger as a lone striker against a Bolton team featuring the tallest centre-back in Premier League history, 6ft 6in Zat Knight.

Rob Green
He may have been on a relatively steady post-World Cup upward curve, but Rob Green showed that he's still not 100% confident after some uncertain goalkeeping contributed substantially to the Hammers blowing a two-goal lead at St Andrews.

Indecision from Green and his defence allowed Cameron Jerome to nip in and score Birmingham‘s first, before Green meekly palmed a Seb Larsson free kick straight back into the danger zone, allowing Liam Ridgewell to immediately rifle the rebound straight back past him. Safety first, Robert, safety first.

Michael Oliver
Also contributing to West Ham’s failure to win the match was whistle-blowing whippersnapper Oliver’s incredible omission to award a late penalty to the Irons when Jean Beausejour tugged back Lars Jacobsen as the Danish full-back burst into the Birmingham penalty area.

Avram Grant was understandably furious, although not visibly so, having maintained the same facial expression since November 1984.

Martin Atkinson
Look, we don’t like picking on referees, but when they insist on making such an array of bewildering decisions, we feel... well, we feel like we should pick on them, at least a little bit.

Atkinson’s nadir, for this week at least, came when Kenwyne Jones of Stoke, returning to former club Sunderland for the first time, saw a header cleared from just behind the line by the arm, face, then arm again of Lee Cattermole, whose spot of impromptu ball-juggling quite possibly broke his personal keepie-uppie record.

Lukasz Fabianski
Given what was a largely insipid Arsenal performance across the board, it’s probably more than a little harsh to pick out Fabianski for specific criticism. But the young Pole perhaps proved once again that, although he’s capable of occasional brilliance, he’s probably still lacking the focus and reading of the game to be a No.1 goalkeeper at a side with pretensions of winning the Premier or Champions League.

Whoever is responsible for Fulham’s paper noisey-making-whacking-thingies
Listen, we’re all for keeping things twee and a bit old-school retro 1950s football fandom chic, but this is really taking the biscuit. The sight and sound of 15-odd thousand people sitting and rhythmically thwacking a piece of strategically folded cardboard against their hands is like a deleted scene from some middle-class Wicker Man remake.

Whatever happened to the days when unhealthy levels of aggression and a liberal smattering of profanity were enough fun for your average fan of a Saturday afternoon? Eh, Hearts and Hibs fans?

Fat, shirtless, jiggling Newcastle fans
The other end of the scale (again with the puns), perhaps, but a continuing phenomenon which causes much queasiness, nonetheless.

What you do at The Bigg Market is your prerogative, but when you’re likely to be captured by national television cameras a little more decorum is required. Especially in the era of 3D TV.

Killjoys? Us?

The simple secrets to the success of Spurs' new superstar

2010-11-05T14:43:00Z

As the football world goes Bale-barmy, Richard Edwards speaks to the former head of Sports Science at Southampton to find out whether the Spurs superstarlet was always destined for greatness

Luis Figo has never really stood out as being someone prone to spontaneous outbursts of praise, so when the suave Portuguese maestro turned round at the end of a Champions League drubbing and labelled one of the opposition 'amazing’, you knew that something pretty extraordinary had just happened. And it had.

Gareth Bale had just made one of the world’s best defenders look faintly ridiculous for the second time in a matter of weeks, while the evening’s final humiliation belonged to Lucio – the giant Brazilian – who was left flailing (as if hailing Maicon’s taxi) as the 21-year-old superstar breezed past him to set up Spurs’ third goal in a White Hart Lane glory night.

What makes Bale’s rise from supposed also-ran to global superstar all the more remarkable is the fact that not too long ago he was seen as a bad luck charm for Spurs, the club he joined from Southampton in the summer of 2007.

He didn’t actually play in a winning Spurs side in the Premier League for two years and there was even talk of him leaving the club on loan as he struggled to settle in North London. All that, of course, is long forgotten and now the talk in North London isn’t of losing streaks but of the Champions League knock-out stages.

So what has turned Bale into the hottest property in world football? The Guardian has suspicions that it could have something to do with the black v-shaped strapping running down each of his thighs (apparently it’s called Kinesio). Others, meanwhile, put it down to Harry Redknapp pushing the player forward from his traditional left-back role.

FFT, though, is reliably informed that it’s down to something else – two rather dull little words that should give players everywhere hope. Hard work.

"You distract him, I'll bring the team bus to the main entrance..."

Yesterday we spoke to Paul Balsom, a man who has worked with some of the biggest names in European football – Henrik Larsson and Freddie Ljungberg among them - during his time as performance manager of the Swedish national side.

He was also at Southampton around the time that Bale was making that notoriously tricky transition from youth team starlet to first team regular.

According to Balsom, Bale showed glimpses of the ability that had Figo’s heart-racing earlier in the week but certainly gave no indication that he could blossom into a player that would have Europe’s top clubs salivating at the prospect of wrestling him from Tottenham’s grasp.

Even more astonishingly he claimed that he wouldn’t have bet on Bale cleaning up over 100m at the club’s Staplewood training ground.

But while Bale continues to rip up trees he did give a telling insight into just what makes this ordinary lad from Cardiff, well, so extraordinary.

“Everything he did he did with the ball and it’s all about timing – he has got his timing right and his attitude has always been spot on,” says Balsom.

“A lot of footballers can run fast but not many can run so quickly with the ball at their feet. He doesn’t give the ball away, he knows when to play it simple and knows when to go. Every time he crosses the ball it goes into the box.

“He was more out than in during his first year at the club but he has got where he has got to by getting his head down and keeping it simple.”

And after making Maicon’s life exceptionally complicated at White Hart Lane, full backs across Europe will be quaking in their boots.

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