FourFourTwo&#39;s Inside Track

NEWS: Anfield ceremony marks Hillsborough anniversary
NEWS: Hansen: Dalglish heroic after Hillsborough
NEWS: Dalglish recalls Hillsborough anguish
NEWS: Officer: We let Hillsborough fans down

"Can't stop now" says Keane

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

In a noticeably lyrical press conference, Roy Keane has outlined the reasons for joining Ipswich Town, describing his alienation while unemployed since leaving Sunderland – and hinting that he may now be a very different man.

"Try to understand that I'm trying to make a move just to stay in the game," emoted Keane. "I try to stay awake and remember my name, but everybody's changing and I don't feel the same."

Explaining how he had filled the time by taking his dog Triggs for long walks, the Irishman hinted at deep despair during his time out of football.

"I walked across an empty land," he explained. "I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth beneath my feet; sat by the river and it made me complete."

"So why don't we go somewhere only we know"

As melancholy piano music filled the press conference, Keane continued to open his heart as to why he suddenly returned to the game.

"I noticed tonight that the world has been turning, while I've been stuck here withering away," he wailed, before revealing that Ipswich players could expect full commitment to the cause.

"I can't slow down for no one in town," he pledged. "And I can't stop now for no one. The motion keeps my heart running."

Reflecting on the heartbreak caused by leaving his first managerial post, Keane looked close to breaking point.

"Is it any wonder I'm tired? Is it any wonder that I feel uptight? Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?," he asked a stunned press conference. "Oh, these days, after all the misery you made, is it any wonder that I feel afraid? Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?"

At which point the music stopped and Keane left the stage.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Noteworthy goals & nincompoopery

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 11:00:00 GMT

Goals? Check. Brilliant goals? Check. Own goals? Check. Other assorted foul-ups? Check. It can only be Video Stars.

We’ve rounded up the top six super strikes of the week below.

But before we get into those corkers, have a look at these nearly-men who, like the extra scenes on a DVD, didn’t quite make the final cut.

Edison Méndez kicks us off, much as he did on Sunday when he opened the scoring for PSV with this long range scorcher in their 6-2 thumping of Ajax – who themselves won 7-0 last week.

There was another high-scoring match in Brazil on Sunday - Caxias were 7-0 down to Internacional by half time, and 8-1 down by the final whistle. Magrão scored the pick of the bunch with this lovely chip from the edge of the box for number six.

And for number seven, Taison produced this great surging run into the area before squaring the ball for Andrés D'Alessandro to score.

Back in Europe, and the pick of the goals from Italy was Filippo Inzaghi's second for Milan against Torino, courtesy of David Beckham's pin-point chip into the area.

While over in Spain, Apoño scored a sweet first-time volley for Malaga in their 1-1 draw with Mallorca.

And Ever Banega opened the scoring for Atletico in a 3-0 win against Numancia, collecting the ball on the edge of the area, surging towards goal, selling the defender the dummy, and then slamming the ball past the keeper and into the roof of the net.

GOALS OF THE WEEK

But now to the main feature presentation. Here, in alphabetical order, are the top six goals of the week.

1. Anfield has seen some special matches, and another one was added to the roll call of greats on Tuesday when Liverpool and Arsenal shared the spoils on a breathless four-all draw.

The best goal of the night was the second for four-goal hero Andrei Arshavin which leveled the tie at 2-2.

Arshavin tonks home: VIDEO HERE

2. Achille Emana scored both goals on Sunday as Real Betis beat Sporting Gijon 2-0.

His first was a cracker, meeting Ricardo Oliveira's lay-off with a beautifully struck volley from the edge of the area that literally flew past Sporting keeper Ivan Pichu into the top corner.

Emana rocket: VIDEO HERE

3. Staying in Spain, Gonzalo Higuain's injury-time winner for 10-man Real Madrid in their 3-2 win over Getafe on Tuesday had the whole of the Bernabeu off their seats. Magic stuff.

Gonzo to the rescue: VIDEO HERE

4. Steve McClaren has defied his many, many, many critics by guiding FC Twente to the final of the Dutch Cup, although there is of course still scope for him to c**k it up.

Theo Jansse helped the former England boss get there by volleying home a pin-point cross as they came from behind to beat NAC Breda in the semi-final.

Theo keeps his eyes on it: VIDEO HERE

5. Jason Kennedy larrups home a dipping, swerving 25-yarder for Darlington at Rochdale – sweet revenge after his penalty shootout miss on the same ground in last season’s play-off semi final cost his team a trip to Wembley.

Kennedy exacts revenge: VIDEO HERE

6. Borussia Dortmund’s second goal in a 2-0 away win at Bochum was a corker: Nelson Valdez curls his shot around the flailing keeper from outside the area.

Valdez picks his spot: VIDEO HERE

HOWLERS

After being on relatively good behaviour for some weeks now, normal service has resumed among footballers everywhere, as nincompoopery was being displayed on pitches all over the world.

OGGY OGGY OGGY

We’ll start with the own goal parade.

Flamengo’s Emerson gets us underway with this effort for opposition Botafogo.

Bologna’s Manuel Belleri hands Palermo an early lead, stretching out a leg out to divert Giovanni Tedesco’s cross over his own keeper and in.

Preston go 4-0 up at home to Cardiff, with Mark Kennedy burying Neil Mellor’s cross past his own keeper via the inside of a post.

And Leeds defender Sam Sodje over-cooks his back-header to keeper Casper Ankergren to hand Tranmere a lifeline at Elland Road.

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

This lot think it far more sporting to let the opposition actually score, but they’re not averse to helping in any way they can.

First to Cologne vs Stuttgart and a goal from Stuttgart’s Mario Gomez that our Bundesliga correspondent Ulrich Hesse-Lichtenberger simply described as “a goal you shouldn't concede.”

In a 6-2 match there were bound to be some foul-ups. Step forward Ajax’s Jan Vertonghen who laid on a horrendous back-pass for Nordin Amrabat to score PSV’s third.

While in Brazil, Santos goalkeeper Fabio Costa gift-wraps a goal for Palmeiras.

MEET THE MISSES

It’s a shame Manchester City didn’t get their hands on Ricky Kaka in January. With finishing like this he would fit right in at Eastlands. Here he is blasting the ball over the bar from six-yards.

And finally to Spain, where Getafe’s Javier Casquero attempted to chip a penalty over Iker Casillas at the Bernabeu. Casillas caught it and Casquero looked like a right old wally.

Written by Rob Burnett. Send goal/gaffe suggestions to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com or mention them in the forum thread

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Goal of the Week forum thread
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: The week's top rockets & rickets

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Welcome back sports fans to our weekly round-up of the best and worst football action from around the globe.

Our international network of spies have been scouring their respective leagues for the top strikes and funny-foul ups for your delectation.

We'll bring you our top six goals in a jiffy. However, first here are the ones that didn’t quite make it on to the final list, but are worth a watch all the same.

Let’s start with some overhead action. First to Mallorca vs Almeria and a goal that our Spanish correspondent Tim Stannard described as: “A Hugo Sanchez style overhead kick from the normally rubbish Cleber Santana.”

In France, Frederic Piquionne’s close-range acrobatics rescued a point for Lyon in a 2-2 draw at home to Monaco...

… while Bruno Batata’s effort for J Malucelli vs Paranavai in Brazil wins the award for the most needlessly-overcomplicated-overhead-shot-when-a-turn-and-tap-in-would-have-done.

Time for some super long-rangers now, starting in Germany. Wherever Franck Ribéry will be playing next season, Munich will miss him and his goals, like this one he scored against Frankfurt.

While a thundering free-kick from Taye Taiwo made it 3-0 to Marseille at home to Grenoble.

Steven Pienaar contributed to Sunday's 3-3 thriller between Everton and Aston Villa on Sunday was this beauty.

Although Villa responded in kind with a peach of a free-kick from James Milner.

Staying in the Premier League, Younes Kaboul curled a splendid left-footer into the top corner to hand Portsmouth the lead against the bottom-dwelling Baggies.

But - again in the same game - Niko Kranjcar delved into the ‘How to take a corking free-kick manual’ to rescue a point for Pompey after West Brom had come from behind to lead 2-1 at Fratton Park.

And speaking of free-kicks, Porto defender Bruno Alves - last week's Villain at Old Trafford following his horrid back-pass to Wayne Rooney - turns to hero, curling home the opener at home to Amadora

In the Championship, Ross McCormack completed a 2-0 win for Cardiff at Crystal Palace on Easter Saturday, back-flicking the ball past Claude Davis and finishing with aplomb in injury-time.

And we finish in Spain, with some fine control from Duda giving Malaga the lead at Villarreal.

While David Silva opened the scoring for Valencia in a 3-2 win at Sporting Gijon with this mazy dribble and shot.

GOALS OF THE WEEK

But now to the big guns. Here, in alphabetical order, is our top six from the week that was.

1. Daniel Agger’s thunderbolt makes it three for Liverpool against Blackburn on Easter Saturday.

Agger lets rip: VIDEO HERE

2. Alex takes aim and almost rips a whole through Pepe Reina's net to haul Chelsea back into contention during their epic 4-4 draw against Liverpool.

Alex unleashes hell: VIDEO HERE

3. Cristiano Ronaldo sends Manchester United into the Champions League semi-finals with this stunning 40-yard effort at Porto on Wednesday night.

Ronny rocket: VIDEO HERE

4. Diego Souza scores a cracker for Palmeiras against Sport Recife in the Copa Libertadores.

Souza's mazy run: VIDEO HERE

5. Fernando Torres opens his account for the day against Blackburn at Anfield, chesting down Jamie Carragher’s raking pass and larruping the ball across the keeper and into the far corner.

Torres takes aim: VIDEO HERE

6. Italian football defensive? Not at Lazio last Saturday where the home side beat Roma 4-2 with Mauro Zarate netting the second with this sweet long-range strike.

Zarate wallop: VIDEO HERE

HOWLERS

Well we hope you enjoyed those beauties, but just in case you forgot that rich and talented footballers can still make wallies of themselves, have a look at these.

First to Spain. It seems Barcelona are now so good that their opposition are compelled to score goals for them. Nasief Morris of Recreativo bags an OG to help hand Barca the points in a 2-0 triumph.

Back in Blighty, check out this cracking 25-yard finish into his own net from Watford’s Danny Rose – on loan from Spurs – at Carrow Road on Easter Monday.

While over in Brazil, the gaffe of the week didn't result in goal, but only just. Rogério Ceni was one mightily relieved keeper after he spilled this shot on to the post.

And last, but by no means least...

If England end up facing Italy in a penalty shootout in next year’s World Cup, let’s hope the Azzurri bring Maurizio Domizzi. Here he is ballooning a penalty over and out for Udinese at Reggina.

Written by Rob Burnett. Send goal/gaffe suggestions to gregg.davies@haymarket.com or mention them in the forum thread.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Goal of the Week forum thread
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

The Hillsborough Disaster: One fan's story

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 10:00:00 GMT

Anthony Teasdale was 17 when he made the trip from Liverpool to Sheffield for the FA Cup semi-final against Nottingham Forest...

The thing I remember most is the look on people’s faces as we arrived back in the city that hazy Saturday evening.

One group of teenagers in particular stood out, five or six of them perched on a wall smoking either joints or roll-ups. As our coach trundled past they just stared at us, unable to avert their eyes.

What could they say? What could we say?

Yet we were the lucky ones, the survivors. We were going home that night, and for all the terrible things we had seen that day, for all the anguish that our loved ones had suffered in that agonising period before the phone call home, we had come through it unscathed – physically at least.

For those who’d been in the wrong place at the very worst of times, there would be no phone call, no life-affirming hug in the womb of the living room with relieved relatives.

There would be no more trips away to watch the Reds, no more cosy nights in with loved ones, no new jobs, no children, no grandchildren, no nothing.

All this because they went to a football match on a gloriously sunny April day in 1989.

Despite the fact that Liverpool were playing in an FA Cup semi-final, Saturday, April 15 1989 started in much the same way as countless other match days.

I met up with my mate Nicky and another lad, Lace, and took the Merseyrail down to Kirkdale where fleets of coaches were waiting to take us Reds over the Pennines to Hillsborough.

Like a lot of 17-year-olds, I didn’t just go to away matches for the football, it was the whole experience: the early starts, the ritual of buying papers, butties and crisps from the newsagent, the laughs you’d have on the coach with rough-as-f*ck lads from places like Kirkby, Skem and Bootle.

And best of all the moment when you arrived at your destination – an invasion force of thousands under the banner of Liverpool FC, the greatest club in the land.

Of course, the football was second to none too – with players like Rush, Aldridge, Beardsley and Barnes how could it be anything else?

The team of 1989, though not quite up to the immense standards of the year before, was still miles ahead of everybody else and the semi-final against Nottingham Forest was, we were sure, a mere formality on the way to Wembley and hopefully a match against Everton, who were involved in the other semi-final that day against Norwich.

We’d been here before, of course. The year previously, in fact, when we’d faced Cloughie’s men at Hillsborough in the FA Cup semi of 1988, dispatching Forest on the way to that monumental defeat against Wimbledon.

Despite our victory, the day had been spoilt by the crushing I’d had to endure in the central pen of the Leppings Lane terrace. The problem was that once the terrace filled up, it was impossible to get out of the middle section – there was simply no escape.

The crushing was so bad that after the game, gates in the perimeter fence were opened just so Liverpool fans could walk around a bit on the pitch to get our breath back.

It seemed ridiculous that Liverpool, with far more fans than Forest, were in such cramped conditions, when over on the other side of the ground was one of the biggest terraces in British football, the Sheffield Wednesday Kop.

The FA claimed it was because Liverpool fans would be arriving from the north, meaning the first end they’d encounter was Leppings Lane. Actually, most Liverpool traffic came the easy way over the Snake and Woodhead Passes, arriving in Sheffield right outside the Hillsborough Kop.

And throughout the 1988-89 season there had been incidents when congestion endangered fans.

At Carlisle in the third round, Liverpool supporters had pleaded with police, clearly out of their depth, to open another section of terracing after heavy crushing in the away end.

At Villa in the league the situation in the sectioned Witton End had been so severe that the police were forced to open a perimeter gate and put us into another, less crowded pen.

Yet, nothing about this struck any of us as unusual. This is how it was then, what going to a football match was like. You turned up, paid your money, watched the match and f*cked off – and if you got your ribcage crushed in the process then tough sh*t, you knew the score.

Despite the twin disasters of Bradford and Heysel, for the police and the football authorities the main concerns of the day were hooliganism and crowd control, not crowd safety.

Ignoring the lessons of the year before, Liverpool’s fans were yet again going to have to put up with the pens of Leppings Lane. But no way was I getting stuck in that central pen this time.

There’s always a real buzz when you approach a different ground, that first sight of the stands or floodlights peeping from behind a row of terraced houses is truly something to savour.

After our arrival via the Snake Pass, the three of us – me, Nicky and Lace – walked toward the stadium, following the crowds, looking for mates, though as most of them supported Everton we didn’t hold out too much hope.

There was talk of maybe trying to get into a pub for a bevvie, but as (a) we were 17 and looked it and (b) we were skint, the plan was shelved. F*ck all to do except go into the ground itself.

One Liverpool fan, Nick, remembers one significant difference from the 1988 encounter.

“The most noticeable thing was there was no police checkpoint. There was no control over who was going where. I remember the first year (1988) when we passed the Spion Kop there was load of bizzies (police) around – you were channelled, stopped and searched: ‘Do you have a ticket’?”

At the turnstile, Nicky went into the West Stand above the Leppings Lane terrace, which is where Lace and I had tickets. Just like the year before we walked down the tunnel toward the central pen, but instead of going straight on we made a detour to the section on the right via the step-wide walkway at the very back of the terrace.

For the next hour or so the pair of us discussed the usual things – sex, football and music – to pass the time.

By 2.15 the ground was rapidly filling up, with chants and songs bouncing around the ground, Liverpool’s support providing far more of a backing here than at our often-subdued home stadium.

The FA Cup was always my favourite competition and the semi-final the best match of all, a real make-or-break tie. Losing wasn’t even worth thinking about.

What I didn’t know then, what I could not have known, was that outside the ground, both the police and the inadequate Leppings Lane turnstiles were unable to cope with the number of fans arriving for the game.

A huge crush was developing and if something was not done quickly people were going start getting hurt. Finally, an order was given by the most senior policeman at the ground, Chief Superintendent Duckenfield, to open one of the exit gates and relieve the pressure outside.

It was not forced open by Liverpool fans, though this is what the FA’s Graham Kelly was told by Mr Duckenfield, who later repeated this allegation to the press.

It was also insinuated by various parties later on that Liverpool fans had arrived with insufficient time to spare. “All that stuff about us turning up late, that was another myth,” says Peter, a Liverpool fan who was there.

“We turned up the year before at exactly the same time, 2.15-2.30, and it was totally orderly, people checking your tickets at the end of Leppings Lane, where there was a cordon of police. Someone should have said, ‘Let’s stop this now and delay the match.’”

Getting their breath back after the trauma of the crush outside, fans moved from the courtyard in between the turnstile and stand, toward the terrace down the central tunnel and straight into the middle pen, unaware that they would be unable to leave it.

Despite the fact that this pen was already full, nobody – stewards or police – directed them to the other entrances at either side of the stand.

Peter again: “The person who ordered the gates to be opened should have realised, knowing the stadium, that you had to cut off that tunnel area otherwise it was a disaster waiting to happen.”

Another Liverpool fan, Jim, arrived at 2.15 and was immediately caught up in the crush outside Leppings Lane. He entered the ground through the open gate near the turnstile, his ticket remained unseen.

“We had tickets for that pen (B – which all standing tickets were marked with). When we got in everyone rushed toward the middle one and because I had my brother with me who was small at the time and I remembered the year before that it was packed, I thought we better go down the side, because it looked a bit full in there.”

By kick-off, our section to the right of the central pen was barely half full. We were comfortable, enough people to create an atmosphere but no so many that you were struggling to get your breath.

I knew full well that the situation in the middle section would be hellish, people crammed up against each other, huge chasms suddenly appearing in front of a barrier with everyone petrified about filling it.

I’d gladly sacrifice a bit of atmosphere for a decent view and a chance not to have my ribs squashed against a yard of Sheffield steel. Little did I realise just how bad the situation was.

Dan, who took his place in the central pen at around 2pm, describes the terrible congestion inside: “We made our way through the tunnel. It felt very full to start with. It got more and more full, more and more uncomfortable.

"I said to my mate should we get down the front – traditionally there was more space down the front. We tried, thought about it, realised we couldn’t actually move, there was no way we could go anywhere.

“The game kicked off. By that stage my coat had been removed from my back through the force of people around me and I was holding onto it by a cuff.”

On the pitch, Liverpool were showing their class, knocking the ball about in the assured, methodical way that made the team such a force.

Suddenly, the ball came to Peter Beardsley, but his effort ricocheted off the crossbar. That’s when I saw the first fans trying to climb over the perimeter fence from the central section of terracing.

At first I thought it was some sort of pitch invasion, but that made no sense. Were there Forest fans in our end? Again, no – there was no fighting, the aggressive roar that accompanied gang violence was conspicuous by its absence.

It was far, far worse than anyone could comprehend, as Dan in the central pen recalls:

“When Beardsley hit the bar, Liverpool were attacking the other end. Because it was far away, everyone tried to get up and see what was going on. Because they couldn’t, there were no arms involved, everyone’s arms were trapped where they were, people surged forward.

"When they surged forward, more people came in from the tunnel behind us and there was no room for us to surge back into an upright position, so everyone was kept in that 45 degree angle, like the position ski jumpers are in when they actually leave the top of the slope.

"At that stage, I was very aware that everyone was holding on to everyone else and people were starting to faint. I remember vividly people shouting at one policeman who was right near the gate that was locked, shrieking blue murder at him to open the gate. But he wasn’t having it, he didn’t move.”

Then the photographers appeared. What seemed like hundreds of them suddenly descended on the Leppings Lane end from around the ground, clicking desperately at the fans in the pen next to ours.

Word went round – people were getting crushed, fans were hurt, this was f*cking serious. Supporters were screaming at the police, at the horror of the situation, at their powerlessness – something was going very badly wrong and all the while those photographers kept clicking away, seemingly unmoved by the tragedy unfolding before them.

I screamed at them to forget their job, to get in there and do something, but my words were lost amongst a thousand desperate calls for help. The referee took the players off the pitch. It was just gone five past three.

Fans in the West Stand above us started dragging people to safety from the back of the terrace – big, tough men saving countless lives with their determination to do something to help out their fellow human beings.

Someone near me turned a radio on – we listened, finding it ironic that in order to get information on what was happening a few feet away from us we had to tune in to a station based 200 miles away in London.

Then we heard: people were dead, fans had died at a Liverpool match again. What had we done to deserve this?

After an eternity the police opened the gates in the perimeter fence and fans got on to the turf, some walking about in shock, others crowding around those who lay prostrate on the ground, using whatever first aid skills they had to try and revive those who had slipped into unconsciousness.

The Forest fans, unaware of what was really happening, began chanting at the Liverpool supporters and for one horrible moment it looked like it might kick off.

But sense prevailed – this was no day for fighting. A long line of policemen, unaware of what was really happening behind them, was placed across the halfway line in case fans clashed on the pitch.

As it became increasingly clear that the authorities weren’t going to be much help, Liverpool supporters took it upon themselves to make the best of the situation. Advertising hoardings were ripped down, converted into stretchers and taken by fans into the far corner where it was assumed medical help would be waiting.

So often derided, Liverpudlians showed compassion and initiative in the face of overwhelming odds, saving countless lives with their efforts on the terrace, above in the stand and on the pitch. These people were heroes.

As efforts continued on the pitch and nearby radios updated the horrific tally, thoughts turned to friends, to people who Lace and I knew could be in the central pen.

We scanned the West Stand for our mate Nicky at exactly the same time he was looking for us. He saw us, shouted, “Are you alright? Are you alright?” and moved to a spot exactly above where we were standing.

He was helped over the edge of the stand and dropped down into our section, the three of us vowing not to let one another out of each other’s sight again.

Up in the stand, Nicky had seen the disaster unfold, the crush, the dead and injured lifted above the crowd in the hope that they would find medical help. But we three could do nothing for the fans who lay by the side of the pitch or in the ambulances that were finally starting to appear.

Part of me wanted to get on the grass myself, but I was aware that my presence was not needed, that others were doing the job. I would never be a hero at Hillsborough, merely another survivor, a bystander fortunate to escape with my life.

Dan remembers the horror of the situation: “The worst scene for me was when that end was empty, there was left literally a pile of people four or five deep – probably 50 or 60 people piled up next to that bent crash barrier.”

My mum was backing out of Sainsbury’s in Crosby when she first heard muddled news of a disaster, though at first she thought they were talking about the Heysel stadium tragedy.

Only when the announcer revealed that the disaster was at one of the FA Cup semi-finals was she gripped by the dread we all feel when we sense loved ones in danger.

It got worse – the problems were in the Leppings Lane end, where she knew I was. And then the first reports of casualties started to come through. People were dying and I could be one of them. Horrified, she immediately drove to my dad’s house, where events were being broadcast live on TV.

I often think that, apart from the dead, those who suffered the most at Hillsborough were many miles away at homes scattered throughout Merseyside and beyond.

Saturday afternoons shopping or gardening were ripped apart by events at a football ground in South Yorkshire that they could do nothing about. All they could do was wait for news.

I can’t remember how long we stayed in the ground, probably another two hours. There was an announcement from Kenny Dalglish, but I have no recollection of what he said – all that was certain was that there would be no more football today.

Gradually, the ground began to empty, though the three of us stayed until we were virtually the last people left on the terrace. As I walked toward the tunnel that had funnelled people toward their death I was struck by the sight of a crush barrier on the terrace, steel mangled beyond recognition.

The pressure on this barrier to buckle and snap so catastrophically must have been enormous and yet it was the weight of people’s bodies that had broken it. The effect on those fans pressed against this barrier is too terrible to even think about.

Already some had placed scarves on it as a tribute, so I put my little Liverpool badge on one of them and we left the ground, bumping into some lads from school who, waving their tickets – complete with stubs – told me about the gate being opened outside.

Emerging into the sun, we scanned the area for a house we could phone our parents from. Already, queues were appearing out of houses as Scousers were offered the use of phones by local residents.

We came upon a funeral parlour with its doors open and waited for our turn on their phone. Even though money was not asked for, every Liverpudlian there left upwards of 50p for their call, a token of our appreciation.

With many fans waiting behind us, we made one call to Nicky’s mum to tell her we were alright and left it at that. She would call my parents and tell them I was OK, that I’d be coming home.

On our way to the coach I saw a radio reporter who was looking for fans to interview. Incensed, I ran over to him and told him to f*ck off, to leave us alone, that we’d suffered enough in the past from the lies and prejudices of journalists like him.

“I’m just after a story,” he pleaded. I didn’t want to know.

Normally the atmosphere on the coach back from a match was very different from that going to it, the songs and banter of the outward journey replaced by sleep, quiet chats and maybe even a video if you were lucky.

On April 15, it was different again. The relaxation of a normal journey home was replaced by anxiety and concern for mates yet unaccounted for.

Before mobile phones, there was no way of knowing what had happened to people. Going home, this time via the motorway, we were passed by the Liverpool team coach.

Normally, the sight of the lads would have been a real boost, but each and every one them looked desolate. I nodded at Ian Rush and he gave a muted little wave, pain etched all over his face.

Over the next few weeks and months the press would come out with the most hurtful, insulting lies about Liverpool fans – how it was our fault, how we brought death upon ourselves, what we did to the dead and to our rescuers.

Eventually, Chief Justice Taylor’s report on the tragedy exonerated us of any blame, but the full-page apologies, the donations to the relatives of the bereaved in atonement, never materialised.

That has not been forgotten. But neither has the kindness shown to us by Evertonians and supporters from all over the land who came to Anfield to pay tribute to our dead.

They knew all too well that but for the grace of God it could have been them, that as football fans, every time we went to a match we would be treated as stupidly loyal cattle with disposable incomes.

The Hillsborough disaster could have easily been prevented, but nobody in authority took the rap for failing to do their job or trying to cover up that failure by blaming the fans for their dreadful fate.

“The authorities just lost control,” says Peter, still angry about what happened. “If you’re supposed to be in control of a building, presumably your jurisdiction is to look after that building and maintain the safety of the public in it. Well, if you end up with 96 dead, then surely you’re culpable.”

Football used to be my be-all and end-all. But Hillsborough changed that.

When Arsenal won the league that year I was disappointed, but that’s all. Other things, like house music, clubs and politics, started to take the place of the game that had formed such a huge part of my growing up.

With me off to university the year after I would have given up my season ticket anyway, but I did so without regret, feeling that I could no longer dedicate myself to football in a way I once had.

I see my old friend Nicky regularly – we sometimes go to the match together – while Lace is married and currently working for the prison service in the north of England.

I still love the game, still go to matches, both here and abroad, but I see football for what it is – a wonderful sport that allows me to keep in touch with my old friends and my home town.

When I see grown men crying because their team has gone down or lost a big match I just cannot take them seriously. Enough tears were shed that hot spring day in 1989.

This article appeared in FourFourTwo in 2003 but in the intervening years little has changed and the fight for justice continues.

To find out more, visit the Hillsborough Justice Campaign website and the Official Hillsborough Family Support Group website.

LIVERPOOL FANS! Check FourFourTwo.com’s ever-expanding interviews archive for more stuff to read:
Web Exclusives Ian Rush, Craig Johnston
Q&A Steven Gerrard, Fernando Torres
One on One Michael Owen, Nicolas Anelka, Kevin Keegan
Boy's A Bit Special Danny Guthrie
Ask A Silly Question John Barnes, Peter Crouch, Luis Garcia, John Aldridge
Perfect XI Jamie Carragher
What Happened Next? Julian Dicks
And Another Thing Being a Big Four fan

Video Stars: The week's splendid goals & silly stuff-ups

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Welcome back, one and all, to Video Stars. Are you primed and ready for some more stupendous strikes and stupid stuff-ups from the week’s football action?

We hope so...

But before we dive right into our top six goals of the week, take a look at these bench-warmers who didn’t quite make our starting XI.

We’ll start in Holland at AZ where Nick van der Velden added the icing to a 4-1 win-shaped cake over ADO Den Haag with this cheeky chip. Tasty.

Elsewhere in Holland, NEC were going through one of those pesky goal droughts, having not scored for five weeks, before John Goossens rattled in this left-footed 25-yarder in a 1-1 draw against Twente.

Mark-Jan Fledderus of Heracles netted a splendid left-footed free-kick in a 1-1 draw with Heerenveen.

Oh Vienna! To Austria we go now, where Veli Kavlak blasted home this beauty from 30-yards for Rapid Vienna against Karnten.

Meanwhile Somen Tchoyi drifted inside, beat his man and larruped home from 20 yards for Red Bull Salzburg's third against Austria Vienna.

After a shaky spell, Barca now appear to have overcome their collywobbles and are back to winning ways. Here, Eto'o and Xavi combine to score the only goal at Valladolid.

And also in Spain, Espanyol totem Ivan de la Pena rolled back the years with a run and lash for their second in a 3-1 win against Deportivo.

GOALS OF THE WEEK

But enough of those also-rans. Here, in alphabetical order, is our top six from the week that was.

1. In his first season at Arsenal, Emmanuel Adebayor was all athleticism and no end product. Arsene Wenger had faith though, and rightly so judging by his spectacular bicycle kick to level against Villarreal on Tuesday night.

Adebicycle kick VIDEO HERE

2. There’s nothing like a perfectly-struck long range effort to make a goalkeeper look like a fool. Morgan Amalfitano’s 40 yarder for Lorient’s third against Grenoble was a textbook example.

Morgan goes long VIDEO HERE

3. Bayern Munich were already being humbled 4-1 by Bundesliga leaders Wolfsburg before Brazilian forward Grafite dribbled through the Bayern defence and back-heeled home to complete a 5-1 rout. Ouch.

Grafite embarrasses Bayern VIDEO HERE

4. Real Madrid's Gonzalo Higuain took Malaga on all by himself to seal a 1-0 win last Saturday.

Gonzo goes it alone VIDEO HERE

5. Is there room on that Federico Macheda bandwagon for us? In case you’ve been living in a cave, Manchester United’s young Italian scored a late winner against Aston Villa on Sunday with this cool turn and curled shot.

Mach sticks knife in Villa VIDEO HERE

6. Marcos Senna puts Villarreal 1-0 up against Arsenal on Tuesday with this beautifully struck shot from 30 yards.

Senna sinks a long-ranger VIDEO HERE

HOWLERS

Of course, football is not all 30-yard Hollywood goals or dramatic last minute winners. There’s plenty of rubbish being served up every week as well.

Jose Mourinho’s Inter won 1-0 at Udinese but, unable to actually find the net themselves they had to get the opposition to score for them. Mauricio Isla duly obliged.

Chievo’s Not-so-super Mario Yepes, aptly, lived up to the club’s Flying Donkeys nickname by adding the crucial touch to gift Juventus an equaliser in a 3-3 draw.

While over in Spain, Depor’s Alberto Lopo was the fall guy after he bulged his own net with this hilariously athletic attempted clearance. Oh dear.

And finally, FC Porto did themselves proud with a 2-2 draw at Old Trafford on Tuesday night. But it could have been even better had Bruno Alves looked before he tried a casual backpass. Rooney, lurking menacingly, made him pay.

Written by Rob Burnett. Send goal/gaffe suggestions to gregg.davies@haymarket.com or mention them in the forum thread

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Goal of the Week forum thread
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

The Tuesday 10: Changing the course of history

FourFourTwo Team — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 11:30:00 GMT

With an MEP lobbying to change the historical records, FFT.com's Rob Burnett looks at that and nine other what-might-have-beens

Fans of every football club cling on to some questionable occurences that happened long ago but still rankle to this day. Imagine if, like a footballing version of Dr Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap we could leap back in time and put right what once went wrong: what would we change? And what would that effect?

1973: Leeds’ Greek Tragedy
Richard Corbett, Leeds United fan and Labour MEP for Yorkshire and the Humber, has set up an online petition to try to correct the generally accepted farce that was the result of the 1973 Cup Winners’ Cup final.

AC Milan won the game 1-0 over Don Revie’s Leeds, but not without controversy. Greek referee Christos Michas, who turned down several strong Leeds penalty appeals, was subsequently investigated by Greek courts and banned for life by UEFA. Now Corbett wants the result reversed and the trophy presented to Leeds.

What might have happened next Having won the Fairs (UEFA) Cup in 1971, Don Revie sets his sights on the hat-trick by targeting the European Cup. So when Leeds win the League in 1974, he decides not to take the England job. That goes to Ipswich’s thrusting young manager Bobby Robson, who leads England to Euro 76 in Yugoslavia.

1919: The Arsenal Promotion Mystery
Arsenal fans may not like to discuss it, but they didn’t earn their place at England’s top football table.

In 1919 the Football League decided to expand the First Division from 20 to 22 teams. Chelsea, who had finished 19th the previous season, were spared the drop; bottom-placed Spurs went down and were replaced by Second Division outfit Arsenal.

Spurs fans can (and do) talk for hours about this perceived injustice, but neutrals will raise an eyebrow to discover that Arsenal had only finished fifth in the Second Division, so their promotion must have annoyed fourth-placed Wolves and third-placed Barnsley.

Whatever methods Arsenal chairman Sir Henry Norris used, they worked and the Gunners were airlifted into a division they’ve still yet to leave.

What might have happened next Instead of having to wait 78 years for Danny Wilson, Barnsley are promoted to the top flight. After appointing unemployed former Leeds City secretary-manager Herbert Chapman, they win the FA Cup followed by three consecutive league titles.

"We'll go up this year, lads"

1978: Time, Gentlemen!
Not all questionable decisions at Argentina 78 could be put down to the junta, although Clive Thomas was often called something similar by fans. The Welsh referee never shunned the spotlight, and he got it on a global scale while officiating the first-round tie between Brazil and Sweden.

The sides were level as the game ticked into time added on and a Brazil corner was tucked home by Zico. However, Thomas had blown for full time a fraction of a second before the ball crossed the line. Y’know, like you don’t.

What might have happened next The first-round group is won by Brazil rather than, er, Austria. However, that means Zico & Co. go into a group dominated by the Netherlands and go out anyway.

1972: The Divot
Without wishing to rob Hereford United of their moment of glory, even their own fans are sick of seeing their famous victory over Newcastle whenever Football Focus does a segment on a David and Goliath FA Cup match.

The game was the big break for John Motson, a junior commentator sent to cover a game that was supposed to be a Match of the Day footnote.

And the whole thing so nearly didn’t happen. Newcastle forward Malcolm Macdonald described Ronnie Radford’s famous goal thus: “I was four yards behind him. The ball sat up on a divot. He didn't know that was going to happen. Without that, it would've been a mis-hit and a throw-in to us.”

What might have happened next Newcastle beat West Ham, Huddersfield and Birmingham but lose to Leeds in the semi. With Motty out of the picture, statistics become increasingly popular and football turns into baseball with a .912 success ratio, whatever that means.

1986: The Hand of Shilton
Diego Maradona is 5ft 5in. Peter Shilton is 6ft 1in. You do the math. We could have avoided all this Hand of God unpleasantness if only Shilts had simply punched the ball before Maradona got there. Or, alternatively, the officials had done their job properly.

What might have happened next Without England pushing forward, Maradona is unable to score his brilliant solo goal three minutes later. John Barnes set up Gary Lineker’s winner, and another against Belgium in the semi-final. Despite food poisoning, Shilton is picked for the final against Germany and has a stinker as England are battered. Scots hero-worship Karl-Heinz Rumenigge instead.

"Doh... gah... burble..."

1971: Tinkler’s Howler
For Leeds and Don Revie the 1973 Cup Winners’ Cup final was just another in a long line of injustices, perceived or genuine, that the club had to endure. Our next stop in time is Elland Road, April 1971 where title-chasing Leeds were taking on West Brom. Baggies striker Jeff Astle scored the winner in a 2-1 defeat for Leeds but referee Ray Tinkler should have ruled out the goal for offside.

The incredulous players (and thousands of fans) surrounded him and even Revie marched onto the pitch to remonstrate with the official. It was to no avail, the goal stood and Leeds lost the title to Arsenal by one point.

"Scram!"

What might have happened next Leeds deny Arsenal the Double and aren’t forced to play the first five matches of the next season away from Elland Road; instead of picking up two points from them, they pick up four, thus beating Derby to the title. An incandescent Brian Clough reacts to an unwise jibe from his chairman by punching him in the face, and retires from management.

1996: Keegan the Winner
How Kevin Keegan would have loved it if Newcastle United side hadn’t choked in the 1996 title race. But they didn’t drop the title because Keegan lost it on Sky Sports, but rather because of one match.

Keegan’s footballing philosophy was summed up at Anfield in April 1996, when possibly the best match in Premier League history saw the home side beat Newcastle at their own game. Both sides attacked relentlessly but in the end Liverpool won it 4-3.

David Ginola later claimed that was the turning point. “If we had managed to keep the score at 3-2 we would have won the league – definitely,” he said. “If we had won the league that year, Newcastle United would have gone on to win more trophies.”

What might have happened next Newcastle win the league. Keegan still resigns, as is his wont, but not until May 1997, citing stress after the Mags lose a breathless title race to Manchester United. However, his attacking focus is vindicated, and a generation doesn’t grow up with every team playing 4-5-1.

1966… and all that
Occasionally English football pundits have been known to lay the blame for the national team’s failure to win anything in years to the weight of history of the 1966 World Cup win. But it could so easily have been different.

Imagine if the ‘Russian’ linesman from Azerbaijan hadn’t given the goal. Then play was halted before the fourth goal to deal with the pitch invasion. What? It’s not that unreasonable.

What might have happened next Germany win the Tuesday night replay under Wembley’s floodlights. Alf Ramsey bears a grudge and, four years later in Mexico, keeps his best XI on the field against Germany to close out the win (“Taking Bobby Charlton off gave Beckenbauer all the room he needed,” Martin Peters has told FFT). However, Ramsey’s men lose to canny Italy in the semi, and England fans become quietly accustomed to heroic failure.

1991: Cloughie’s Last Stand
Brian Clough won most things in his managerial career but the one thing that eluded him was the FA Cup. He came closest in 1991 when he led Nottingham Forest to the final where they faced Terry Venables’ Tottenham side.

Age and alcohol were taking their toll on Clough and it wasn’t helped when Spurs won thanks to a Des Walker own goal in extra-time. Clough carried on for two more years but succeeded only in getting Forest relegated.

What might have happened next Clough retires a winner, having filled what seems to be the final gap in his CV. However, there’s an even happier ending for Old Big ‘Ead. Opposite number Venables, upon replacing Graham Taylor in 1994, brings Clough into the England set-up as an adviser and, for a pre-Euro 96 friendly, allows Brian to finally lead England out at Wembley.

"You're a good man, young Terence"

1954: The Mighty Magyars

The Hungarian national side of the 1950s containing Ferenc Puskas and Sandor Kocsis was unquestionably the best in the world. They had invented the 4-4-2 formation and had used it to stun England by beating them 6-3 at Wembley and then 7-1 in the return fixture in Budapest.

They were Olympic champions in 1952 and entered the 1954 World Cup as hot favourites with an unbeaten record stretching back four years. They beat West Germany 8-3 in a first round game and cruised to the final where they faced the Germans again.

This time Puskas was not fully fit but played anyway and soon Hungary were 2-0 up. But the Germans fought back and scored three times to lead 3-2. Late on Puskas had a goal wrongly disallowed for offside and West Germany had won the match they immediately dubbed ‘The Miracle of Berne’. It was one of the biggest upsets of all time and since then the footballing fortunes of each nation has differed sharply.

What might have happened next West Germany remain an average team. With the country depressed, the Economic Miracle doesn’t materialise. The resurgent Hungarians fight off Soviet retaliation to their 1956 revolution and become the dominant power in central Europe, triggering the collapse of communism and giving Americans nothing to get spooked about.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

How did your lot get on? Premier League teams rated

FourFourTwo Team — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:00:00 GMT

James Maw of FFT.com's sister site Talentspotter marks this weekend's Premier League performances out of 10. Rate the players by following the links – or argue your point below...

MANCHESTER UNITED 9.0 (won 3-2 against Aston Villa)

This, put simply, was textbook Manchester United. Back in the late-’90s they used to pull off this kind of crazy stunt every other week. And if it was good enough then to see them win the treble, it should now be enough to seal another league title – at least.

STOKE 8.5 (won 2-0 at West Brom)

The Potters’ first away of the season and a big, big step towards sealing their Premier League survival. Another goal for James Beattie too, as he continues to make the £3.5 million spent on his signature in January look a complete bargain.

Beattie seals precious points for Potters

LIVERPOOL 8.5 (won 1-0 at Fulham)

A hard-fought win, and one that for a long time looked like wouldn’t materialise. Liverpool kept plugging away and, not for the first time this season, earned themselves a late, late victory. The stuff of champions – or it would have been had United not matched the trick 24 hours later...

BLACKBURN 8.5 (won 2-1 against Spurs)

A crucial win for Big Sam’s men and, much like Liverpool’s victory (above), one that looked for a long time would escape them. The decision to stick Christopher Samba up top in the second half seemed a strange one, but it paid dividends as the man-mountain set up Benni McCarthy’s equaliser.

WEST HAM 8.0 (won 2-0 against Sunderland)

Despite the limping wounded in the physio’s room, West Ham still look in good shape for a European push. Goals from young duo Junior Stanislas and James Tomkins were enough to seal this win, but the Hammers have much tougher fixtures coming up and will need to improve if they’re to hold onto seventh place.

Hammers stay on course for Europe

CHELSEA 8.0 (won 2-0 at Newcastle)

We predicted that Chelsea would come unstuck against Alan Shearer’s new charges, but in the end Guus Hiddink’s greater experience (and massively better squad) shone through and the points were Chelsea’s. The well-deserved win keeps them just about in the title hunt, but that Federico Macheda goal means it’s very much out of their hands.

ARSENAL 8.0 (won 2-0 against Manchester City)

After a long, hard season, things finally seem to be coming together for the Gunners. Saturday was a good day for more than just the result. The returns of Theo Walcott, Emmanuel Adebayor and Cesc Fabregas to the first team fold are a massive boost ahead of this week’s Champions League quarterfinal against Villarreal.

BOLTON 7.5 (won 4-1 against Middlesbrough)

This emphatic win should finally convince Trotters fans that Gary Megson is the man to take the club forward. Only joking, they generally still hate him and probably always will. It’s hard to know what to expect from Bolton nowadays – they’re as capable of this kind of performance as they are the footballing suicide they committed against Fulham a couple of weeks ago, and it’s probably that inconsistency that most frustrates the Reebok faithful.

Time to start looking up, rather than down?

EVERTON 7.5 (won 4-0 against Wigan)

A win that should pretty much guarantee more European football next season. We had predicted a home defeat for the injury-ravaged Blues but Moyes’ boys came up trumps and kept up their momentum ahead of their FA Cup semi in just under two weeks time.

PORTSMOUTH 6.0 (drew 0-0 at Hull)

Given the results achieved (or not) by the teams below them, this away draw was probably a fairly good result for Pompey. The speed with which Paul Hart has transformed Portsmouth back from hapless relegation certainties to plucky battlers probably says all you need to know about Tony Adams’ reign at the club. But will Sven’s suddenly availability mean more managerial changes are afoot at Fratton Park?

HULL 6.0 (drew 0-0 with Portsmouth)

Much like in Pompey’s case (see above), this stalemate was made to look a better result thanks to the defeats of those below them. Their alarming descent towards the foot of the table from their lofty autumn position seems to have halted and, although far from safe yet, they look like they should be OK.

FULHAM 5.5 (lost 1-0 to Liverpool)

Earlier in the season Craven Cottage was something of a fortress, with the likes of Arsenal, Spurs and Chelsea all failing to win there. Things haven’t gone as well recently though, with this their third home league defeat in four and Manchester United being the only team they were able to beat – pah!

This loss of home form coupled with their perennial struggles on the road make a push for a Europa League place look less likely by the week.

Benayoun strike dashes UEFA Cup ambitions

TOTTENHAM 5.0 (lost 2-1 at Blackburn)

Not a terrible performance by any stretch, but the way Harry Redknapp’s side limply conceded defeat as soon as they went down to 10 men suggests there is still a fair bit of work to be done on the training ground before Spurs realise their potential. A win in next week’s crunch game with West Ham and all will be forgotten, though.

MANCHESTER CITY 4.5 (lost 2-0 at Arsenal)

Another defeat and poor performance on the road, and another sighting of Robinho being hauled off early following an indifferent showing away from home. Unless they can somehow reverse their fortunes away from Eastlands, City’s only chance of European next season will come via winning this season’s UEFA Cup. But on this showing they won’t do that either.

ASTON VILLA 4.0 (lost 3-2 at Manchester United)

Ouch. Just as it looked like Villa might just have got themselves back on track they suffer the cruellest of sucker punches at the hands of Manchester United. MO’N’s open formation contributed to a great game, but if he had his time again…

Improved performance but Champions League hopes fading

WIGAN 4.0 (lost 4-0 at Everton)

A pretty poor showing from Steve Bruce’s side, but at least this comprehensive defeat will allow ol’ Brucie to forget the strife being caused by AWOL striker Amr Zaki. Every cloud, eh…?

NEWCASTLE 4.0 (lost 2-0 to Chelsea)

Anticlimax, much? Not a terrible performance, but hardly one that inspires feelings that a major resurgence is in the offing. To be honest though, this wasn’t the game that Newcastle’s Premier League future would be decided in – that’ll be the upcoming matches with Stoke, Portsmouth and Middlesbrough.

SUNDERLAND 3.5 (lost 2-0 to West Ham)

Another lacklustre performance from Ricky Sbragia’s increasingly struggling side. Now just one place outside the top three and old buddies Newcastle United.

MIDDLESBROUGH 2.0 (lost 4-1 at Bolton)

With Sunderland and Newcastle both well in the relegation mix, Middlesbrough make it a North East treble. Unlike Sunderland and Newcastle, however, Boro haven’t really ever shown a prolonged spell of quality that suggests they’ll be able to fight their way out of the bottom three this term.

After this limp performance, Gareth Southgate thinks Boro will be down if they don’t win one of their next two matches, at home to Hull and Fulham. Good to see he’s keeping positive…

Gareth: Running out of games, and ideas

WEST BROM 1.0 (lost 2-0 to Stoke)

This was a match that West Brom really couldn’t afford to lose – at home to one of the sides just outside the relegation zone who had yet to win away all season. That was until Saturday. West Brom have already been relegated, if not mathematically, then mentally. Their determination to ‘play the right way’ has been commendable, but sadly they don’t have the quality to do it well enough to stay in the Premier League.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

NEWS: Capello: Crouch to start for England

Fulham vs Liverpool, United vs Villa... the stats that matter

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:00:00 GMT

It’s PowerTable time again folks, as FourFourTwo turns to Catalyst’s analytical tool to predict how Premier League fixtures will unfold.

Manchester United vs Aston Villa and Fulham vs Liverpool dominate this weekend's horizon. Will Liverpool - playing on Saturday - be able to secure the point needed to usurp Sir Alex Ferguson's side at the top of the table?

Or will the Red Devils - kicking off on Sunday - stretch their lead at the summit having suffered back-to-back defeats to Liverpool and Fulham?

Let’s see what the statistics have to say...

MANCHESTER UNITED vs ASTON VILLA

In this fixture, if United score first they are home and dry.

They’ve lost only one home match when leading after 15 or 30 minutes, and none when leading at half-time, since the turn of the century.

And in the same nine years, Villa have never come from behind to win away at a Tier 1 team, salvaging a draw on only three occasions.

United to open the scoring appears like a good bet, too, as they have done it more than any other team this season. They’ve also conceded fewer second-half goals than anyone else, holding on to a lead like a lion protecting its pack.

Villa need to get that ball in the net first: they’ve won every league game this season after doing so with just one exception - when Stoke scored twice in the last two minutes to grab a dramatic 2-2 draw at Villa Park.

Martin O'Neill's side do have one of the best away records in the Premier League this season, but they haven’t won at Old Trafford since 1983, when the NES was a hot new games console and Michael Jackson’s Thriller was commencing world domination.

And the last time United lost three games on the bounce was in 2001. Pride is at stake, as well as a slender lead at the top of the table.

Overall, the PowerTable suggests a comfortable United victory.

They’ve scored an average 1.6 more goals per game against fellow Tier 1 teams, while Villa have conceded 1.4.

This hints at a 3-0 win for the Red Devils, although 2-0 looks more likely, despite Villa having a habit of conceding late on.

And when you add current form into the mix, and see that Villa haven’t won in eight matches, a home win is almost certainly on the cards.

A case of wrong time, wrong place for Martin O’Neill’s men.

FULHAM vs LIVERPOOL

Roy Hodgson’s Cottagers are the masters of the goalless draw this season (seven – more than any other team – including a 0-0 draw at Anfield in the reverse fixture), but the PowerTable expects a more exciting game for the fans on this occasion.

Fulham are strong at Craven Cottage, winning more points at home this season than any club apart from Manchester United and Liverpool. However, the Reds have lost only twice on their travels – fewer than any other team.

And there hasn’t been a Premier League draw between Liverpool and Fulham at Craven Cottage yet. Ever.

If the statistics are to be believed, a narrow Liverpool win appears likely.

But not only that, all signs point towards a very specific pattern, with Fulham scoring early, Liverpool equalising before half-time, and then snatching all three points with a late goal. You’re not convinced? OK.

Fulham regularly score in the first 15 minutes of matches, while Liverpool often net in the last 15 of the first half, and score most of their goals after the hour mark, including in injury time.

Liverpool have been drawing at half-time more than any other team bar Spurs and – yes – Fulham.

Liverpool are the only team not to have lost when drawing at half-time.

Liverpool have come from behind to win more than any other team this season.

Liverpool have scored the most second-half goals this season, and earned the most second-half wins (61 virtual points from 30 second halves).

And against Tier 3 opposition since 2000, Liverpool have taken 81 percent of the points on offer when drawing 1-1 at half-time, and 87 percent when drawing 1-1 after an hour.

Convinced now?

So... 1-0 Fulham... 1-1 half-time.. 1-2 Liverpool full-time, says the PowerTable. Worth a punt.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

The Tuesday 10: Football forfeits

FourFourTwo Team — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:00:00 GMT

FFT.com's Rob Burnett casts his eye over 10 football forfeits...

Judging by Rio Ferdinand’s attempt to become the new Jeremy Beadle by ‘merking’ his England teammates in his World Cup Wind Ups programme in 2006, footballers like nothing better than to make their fellow players look like berks.

And if it's as punishment for terrible performances in training, then all the better. Yes we’re talking forfeits. Here’s 10 of our favourites...

1. Roberto Fernandes, manager of Brazilian club Figueirense, has come up with a novel way of getting the best out of his squad: enforced transvestitism.

Any player who is out of form is forced to train in a pink dress and Fernandes is already heralding his scheme as a success. He credits the frock for an upturn in form for midfielder Jairo, who apparently played his best game for the club after donning the pink number.

2. Back in Blighty it seems Portsmouth’s players prefer a different forfeit for poor performances – after all wandering around in a dress in Britain’s biggest naval port might just be asking for trouble.

Last November, David James was punished for being named the club’s worst trainer by having to drive around in an old Reliant Robin three-wheeler.

The car, bought after the whole squad chipped in for it, even had a loudspeaker fitted that played loud farm animal noises whenever the engine was started. “It’s just a bit of fun to improve team spirit and gives us all an added incentive to perform well in training,” said the England keeper.

Jamo prepares to buckle up

3. The Pompey lot weren’t being entirely original with their three-wheeled japery. Back in 2001 the Leeds United squad got hold of an Only Fools and Horses style yellow Reliant Robin, which the player judged to have performed the worst in training had to drive for a week.

Jonathan Woodgate was voted the first ‘Plonker of the Week’ which meant he was also forced to leave his own car in the club car park to prevent any cheating. Then-club chairman Peter Ridsdale said he had a shock when he first saw the clapped out motor: "I thought it was Trotters Independent Trainers turning up!"

4. When Carlos Tevez was substituted in a match for West Ham against Sheffield United in 2006, the Argentine striker was furious and stormed out of Upton Park. His manager Alan Pardew decided to let the rest of the squad decide what punishment to meter out to the errant forward.

As well making him donate £1,000 to charity the Hammers players forced Tevez to wear the shirt of Argentina’s hated rivals Brazil for a week in training. But when it came to the crunch he refused. "I just couldn't train in a Brazil shirt, I wouldn't do it," he said. "It was like asking an Englishman to wear a German kit, he'd never do that... it's too much to wear the strip of my country's biggest rivals.”

5. That master of bonkers management Ian Holloway had his own method of motivating lazy trainers when he was at Plymouth, inspired by Joey Barton who dropped his shorts and bared his backside at Everton fans after a 1-1 draw at Goodison with Manchester City.

The worst trainer at Plymouth was forced to wear ‘the Joey Barton bottom’ - a pair of shorts with a plastic backside sewn into them.

Holloway explained back in 2006: “Every Friday morning in training, before we do the serious bit, we have a vote. If a player's nominated, he'll wear it, no problem. It was supposed to be for the worst player, but it can be awarded for anything. One time, one of them couldn't go out because his girlfriend wouldn't let him and he was picked. It's been brilliant.”

6. Talking of baring backsides, occasionally it’s the managers who have to suffer the forfeits as Bristol City gaffer Gary Johnson proved in 2007.

After a match in which defender Liam Fontaine came painfully close to scoring before making a hash of it with just the keeper to beat, Johnson said "Fonts will never score... if he does I will show my backside in Burton's window.”

Just four months later, Fontaine scored in a 1-1 draw with Wolves but Johnson claimed he would be “consulting my lawyer on the exact wording of what I said, in case I said it must be the winning goal.”

However, he couldn’t wriggle out of it that easily. Burton’s decided they didn’t want a naked Gary Johnson in their window, so instead the manager allowed Fontaine to take three shots at his rear-end which was painted with a target. It was all filmed by the Sky Sports cameras for posterior-ty.

Johnson: "S**t, he's scored. Is there a lawyer in the house?"

7. For most clubs, the training ground being covered in snow means indoor exercise but not at Crystal Palace, where manager Neil Warnock insists on his players training as hard as ever.

Back in February he told The Independent: “Last Saturday we trained on a pitch that was covered in snow. We had a really good two-hour session, at the end of which the winning team picked two members of the losing side, who were given a forfeit.

They had to stand on the goal-line, minus certain items of clothing, while the rest of the lads had three snowballs each to throw at them from 12 yards. If our strikers could hit the target in matches as well as they did with their snowballs we'd have won promotion already.”

8. Nakedness is a predictably common theme in training ground forfeits. John Terry famously missed the crucial penalty in the Champions League final last season, but back in 2004 he was boasting about the effectiveness of Chelsea’s penalty training to The Sun.

The England captain said: “We used to play ‘strip penalties’. A group of us would go out after training had finished and we’d get a five-a-side match going.

“Then we took turns from the spot. If you missed one you had to take off your shirt. If you missed another, off came your shorts and then your socks, and so on. In the end, you would end up in goal stark naked with everyone booting footballs at you. It was a great laugh.”

Those tears of laughter you were shedding in Moscow then JT?

JT: Havin' a right larf

9. Newcastle United’s resident prankster is Geordie Steven Taylor.

He recently acquired a bright orange tuxedo (inspired by the Jim Carrey film Dumb and Dumber) which Ryan Taylor was forced to wear for training after he lost out in a game of pool, while two young academy players suffered at Taylor’s hands when they left the Christmas party early.

He managed to get into their room and used a Bic razor to shave off most of their hair, leaving them with Mohicans. “And that was just my little warning,” he said.

“I get the lads playing pool,” Taylor says. “With forfeits. If you lose, you’ve got to do something like take a shot of Tabasco, or have an ice bath.”

“I get more nervous doing that than playing football,” he adds, unwittingly offering a telling insight into Newcastle’s dire league form.

10. When Bolton were promoted to the Premiership in 2001, few gave them a hope of staying up. But on the opening day of the season they trounced Leicester City 5-1.

The result? Chairman Phil Gartside had to scoff down a plate of sheep’s testicles and Sam Allardyce was forced to wander around Bolton town centre dressed as a clown.

Inspired by former member of Wimbledon’s Crazy Gang Dean Holdsworth, the club had set up a system of forfeits. If the team won by three goals or more they could nominate senior staff to carry out the punishments.

If they lost by a similar scoreline the players had to take the forfeit. Deano himself served up the disgusting meal for his chairman and said: “You wouldn't get me to eat any of that stuff even if you paid me!"

Gartside himself was happy, if a little queasy after his feast. "I'll do forfeits every week because it will mean the team is doing well. But no one could have asked any more from any one of them than they have given already. The spirit throughout the club is fantastic."

Frandsen: "5-1... I hope you're hungry Mr. Chairman"

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Capello’s secret weapon: George Camsell

FourFourTwo Team — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Fabio Capello has reacted calmly to England’s injury crisis by recalling George Camsell from the international wilderness – despite the forward’s death 43 years ago.

With Darren Bent having joined Emile Heskey, Peter Crouch and Carlton Cole in the limping queue snaking outside the Three Lions treatment room, Capello has reinvigorated the England career of the long-dead Geordie.

“They tell me he has scored 18 goals in nine games,” said the Italian. “And you cannot argue with statistics like these.”

Camsell, who played for Durham City and Middlesbrough, last featured for England in 1936 but Capello is not worried about the cadaver’s lack of match practice.

George: "Cross!"

“Look, in Italy we value experience,” said the coach. “He has played at the top level and you don’t lose that quality. To me, if you’re good enough you’re young enough.

“Besides which, he’s got to be fitter than that Michael Owen bloke you keep banging on about.”

While critics have been quick to suggest that Capello’s logic is flawed, FourFourTwo.com would join Brian Barwick in pointing to the Italian’s world-class CV, a trump card that, when played, forbids any kind of criticism of The FA, its employees or their families.

Nevertheless, a nagging sense that the Camsell gamble may not pay off has prompted us to compile a list of other strikers Capello might like to consider.

1. Paolo di Canio
Featured sporting the new England shirt and talking about his Englishness in the new issue of FourFourTwo (on sale now, folks), Di Canio never got to play for Italy. He did, however, get into a fistfight with Capello at AC Milan so would liven up a dressing room that’s spent the week plumbing new depths of sycophancy concerning their “brilliant”, “genius” and “oddly attractive” coach.

"I'll play, but only after tea-time"

2. Sylvan Ebanks-Blake
The Football League’s Player of the Year (see the new issue of FourFourTwo, on sale now, folks), the Wolves striker was the Championship’s Golden Boot winner last season and has outscored himself this term. Called up by England U21s, he pulled out through injury so is technically unavailable. But wasn’t Agbonlahor too knacked to play for the U21s too?

3. Kevin Davies/James Beattie
Identikit barrel-chested English target men who rarely look like scoring. Could fill the space vacated by Heskey, then. Asking them to step up to international level might be a stretch, but on the plus side you could probably get away with putting both on the pitch at the same time without anyone noticing.

"No, YOU'RE gonna play for England!"

4.Gary Lineker
He may deny it, but who really believes that Lineker doesn’t wake up every day thinking about what might have been if he hadn’t opted for that chipped penalty against Brazil. Still one goal behind Sir Bobby Charlton in the England scoring charts, Links could be tempted out of the studio for one last hurrah. As long as he gets pens.

5. Michael Owen
Unlikely. Though he has apparently been pencilled in for the friendly against History in June.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Jimmy Hill: A Life Less Ordinary

FourFourTwo Team — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 09:00:00 GMT

Any awards ceremony carries a high risk of repetitive strain injury.

With spirits high in an atmosphere of celebration, applause is in such plentiful supply that the forearms ache long before the final winners stride onto the podium.

No such trouble at last night’s Football League Awards, when Jimmy Hill was thanked for his Contribution to League Football. Their enthusiasm undimmed by Lord Mawhinney’s fulsome paean, the audience rose as one to their feet as the visibly touched Hill took the stage.

But then, Jimmy Hill’s no ordinary man. Often there is a lingering suspicion over these “Legendary Lifetime” hall-of-fame awards, as if a committee decides it’s time to pay homage to Glen Campbell, Dickie Attenborough or Ennio Morricone, mainly for still being alive and active.

Not here. While each of those men has done some fine work, none has provided his field of entertainment with such all-round dedication, humour, insight and inspiration as Jimmy Hill.

Lord Mawhinney presents award to Jimmy

It’s a pity that the younger generation think of Hill mainly as a figure of fun – be that light-hearted schoolyard jibes about his chin or the stronger, if playfully expressed, feelings prevalent in much of Scotland.

Although he’d readily admit to playing up to the image with his George Cross bow-ties and endless photo opportunities, Jimmy’s more than just the class clown. Clowns don’t lead unions into the abolition of wage restrictions.

Jokers don’t encourage attacking football by instigating three points for a win. Jesters don’t foresee all-seater stadiums way before the rest of football. And buffoons don’t get appointed Head of Sport by TV stations. (Well, maybe that one’s debatable, but you get the point.)

Fact is, Jimmy Hill has done more for football than he’s given credit for, because the breadth of his achievements is often barely credible in an era when having won a few caps seems to guarantee you an afterlife of sitting on sofas uninstructively pontificating to an unimpressed TV audience.

April 21 1956: Hill nips in before the Donny keeper

In truth, Hill’s playing career wasn’t stellar. Although the former inside-right is proud of scoring five goals for Fulham at Doncaster, all but his last two seasons were spent outside the top flight.

By that time he was chairman of the Professional Footballers’ Association, spearheading their fight to abolish the £20 maximum wage. With a players’ strike threatened, in January 1961 the League agreed to scrap the limit – and football would never be the same again.

January 10 1961: Hill tells reporters players might strike

Hill himself didn’t benefit from the abolition of the maximum wage: he retired that summer and hopped over the fence into management, taking over at Third Division side Coventry City that November.

On the field, Hill steadied the ship: Cov finished fourth in his first full season and won the title the following year before taking just three seasons to march to the Second Division title, too.

But it was off the field that Coventry really caught the eye. With a wide remit and a range of new ideas given the go-ahead by chairman Derrick Robins, Hill was in his element as a crowd-pleaser.

April 25 1964: Coventry are promoted (Hill second left)

He introduced pre-match and half-time entertainment on the pitch, gave pop and crisps to kids, wrote a new club anthem, introduced sky-blue trains to away games and rode a horse around the pitch in full hunting gear.

Media-savvy and more comfortable in the spotlight than any previous manager, Hill loved it – and so did the fans, with 51,000 cramming into Highfield Road as City steamed toward the Second Division title.

And then, before they started their first-ever top-flight season, he was off.

Not to a bigger club, but to a different career: Head of Sport for London Weekend Television. In those days, that meant half of ITV, one of only two channels. Oh, and that same year he launched a magazine named after himself. Hard to imagine Mick McCarthy doing any of that.

October 26 1967: Hill reads his new mag with Tommy Docherty

The innovations continued. While LWT’s Sunday highlights show The Big Match rivalled the BBC’s fledgling Match of the Day, Hill filled Saturday afternoon’s World of Sport with esoteric content from around the globe. And when LWT introduced games from Mexico 1970, the viewer saw a familiar face – and a new format.

Hill appointed himself presenter and created the panel format, inviting the great and the garrulous to exchange controversial opinions. It was an instant hit, and Hill’s TV career was under way.

He appeared on screen in a different guise in 1972, while watching Arsenal host Liverpool. Responding to a Tannoy appeal for a qualified official after the linesman succumbed to injury, Hill appeared on the touchline clad in a fetching sky-blue tracksuit and filled in for the stricken lino.

October 16 1972: Hill runs the line at Arsenal vs Liverpool

After a brief spell as LWT’s Deputy Controller of Programmes, Hill switched sides to Match of the Day in 1973 and over the next 26 years went on to appear on the show 600 times, becoming a generation’s amusing face of football.

But Hill wasn’t content with merely reporting the news, when there was news to be made. Having returned to Coventry in 1974 as managing director, becoming chairman when Derrick Robins retired the following year, it was back to business.

Once again, Hill was thinking outside the box – controversially and not always successfully. When TV decreed that Coventry couldn’t wear sponsored shirts, he considered changing the club name to ‘Coventry Talbot’ before designing a kit which none-too-subtly incorporated the manufacturer’s ‘T’ logo.

It didn’t work and was also prohibited from broadcast games.

Besides being foresighted with sponsorship, by 1981 Hill had turned Highfield Road into the country’s first all-seater. The idea (and slogan) was that “You can’t be a hooligan sitting down”. Sadly, visiting Leeds fans agreed, ripping up the seats for use as missiles. Terraces were swiftly reinstated.

July 31 1981: Nice seats, shame about the shirts

If it took a while for football to adopt all-seater stadia and widespread advertising, another of Hill’s notions took immediate hold.

In October 1980, a month after Stoke boss Alan Durban had defended his side’s negative attitude by saying “If you want entertainment, go and watch clowns”, Hill chaired a working party of club chairmen determined to halt sliding attendances.

Hill’s idea was simple: award three points for a win. The suggestion was adopted the very next season and spread across the world, especially after FIFA adopted it for USA 94.

Jimmy on MotD in 1982 – Click HERE to watch title sequence

Hill left Coventry in 1983, although he remains a popular presence at the club. After a spell as chairman of Charlton, in 1987 he was back at Fulham, heading a consortium who saved the cash-strapped Cottagers from both bankruptcy and a proposed merger with QPR.

By this time, Hill was a pantomime villain to Scots, after describing David Narey’s long-distance goal against Brazil at Espana 82 as a “toe-poke”.

He did little to play down the animosity, wearing his patriotism proudly when England were covered on Match of the Day, to the displeasure of Scots paying licence fees to the British Broadcasting Corporation.

June 15 1996: Post-Narey Scotland fans make a point

But then, Hill never claimed to be everyone’s cup of tea. No one who has done so much in so many different fields has gone through life universally adored, and Hill was prepared to upset people to do his job – whether stirring up a little controversy, revolutionising TV coverage or overturning archaic salary legislation.

It’s not been a bad career for a man who was mainly a second-tier player. Last night’s Championship Player of the Year Sylvan Ebanks-Blake, fine striker though he is, would be the first to admit that he has a long way to go to match the achievements of Jimmy Hill OBE, the groundbreaking union leader, coach, manager, director, chairman, TV executive, presenter, analyst… and emergency linesman.

March 29 2009: The great entertainer plays to the crowd

NEWS: Ebanks-Blake scoops Football League double
NEWS: Fryatt wins League 1 award
NEWS: Holt scoops League 2 gong
NEWS: Delph picks up Young Player prize
NEWS: Football League Awards: Every winner named
GALLERY: Football League Awards 2009

Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

New England kit: It'll be all white on the knight

FourFourTwo Team — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 17:15:00 GMT

Sometimes, a new approach pays dividends. It's perhaps too early to tell, but the new-model England seems to employ an attractive simplicity which belies several clever subtleties upon closer inspection.

No, we don't mean the team's new attitude under Fabio Capello - suits, no mobiles, surnames only, that sort of thing. Well, not on this occasion. No, it's all about the new kit.

Call us bitter old hacks, but frankly we've been through the new-shirt kerfuffle before. Clubs fall over themselves to big up the new third kit's ThermaWaffle with MultiPlex Inline Fantabulousness.

New look England

As for England, the kits haven't changed massively in the last 20 years. Apart from Euro 96's flirtation with a pale blue trim, the only question has been where to put the blue bit and where to chuck the red splodge.

But the new kit - modelled for the first time in the friendly against Slovakia - seems... well, different. It's a bit of a throwback, not in a shoelace-necked Let's Be Victorian way, but to an age of bespoke Savile Row tailoring when an Englishman was measured by the cut of his cloth.

It's a surprise to learn that, beside the match-detail embroidery round the badge, previous England kits have been as off-the-peg for Joe Cole as they have for Joe Public. Now each England shirt is made to measure before the game, as befits millionaires who represent their country around the world.

"Virginal white? Suits you, sir"

It's got a pleasing texture, too. Previous kits have worn their moisture-control credentials on their sleeve - literally - but this one simply feels... nicer. Sorry we can't put it better than that, but we're not designers.

Which may be why we wouldn't have thought of changing to the polo shirt style. There's a feeling among many, inside and outside the game, that wearing a replica top marks you down into an underclass. This shirt's got a bit more panache about it.

There's a pleasing understatedness about it, encapsulated by the "tonal" (they mean white-on-white) star above the crest. Yes, England won the World Cup, it says respectfully. But it's a while ago. Let's quietly get down to business.

JT spots Rio 'avin a larf

Opinions will be divided over the white shorts - adopted as standard by England for the first time. A team wearing all white looks more confident, according to psychological studies, but in truth the main study was of a picture from that glorious past.

The designers were transfixed by an image of Bobby Moore at the 1966 World Cup – not in red holding the trophy aloft, but striding out in all white for the quarter-final clash with Argentina.

All white for England against Argentina

The late great Moore's class, elegance and - above all - confidence inspired the designers to try something a little different but with great respect for history. A bit like England as a country, really.

The new England kit is analysed in detail in a free magazine given away with the new issue of FourFourTwo - available Monday 30 March.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
England kits past and present: gallery
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video stars: Goals (and gaffes) of the week

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Roll up, roll up and welcome to Video Stars.

Within a few short paragraphs we’ll bring you the best six goals of the week but before that, have a look at the ones which, like Gazza for France 98, didn’t quite make the final cut. Just don’t start trashing hotel rooms if you disagree with our selection.

We’ll start with two crackers from Barcelona’s 6-0 thrashing of Malaga. First off the king of klose kontrol Leo Messi twinkles between two defenders, ball on a string, and slaps it into the top corner. Then in the second half, Iniesta dinks in a ball which Dani Alves casually heads loopily over the Malaga keeper.

Elsewhere in Spain, former West Ham and Spurs striker Fredi Kanoute volleys home his and Sevilla's second despite falling over.

Back in Blighty, Fulham's Zoltan Gera put the skids under Manchester United's quintuple challenge with this acrobatic effort, while Wigan's Ben Watson put paid to Boro with this cheeky lobby dink against Hull.

Too clever? Rafa Benitez thinks so. Perhaps mindful of Bob Paisley's maxim that "It’s not about the long ball or the short ball, it’s about the right ball", he's been encouraging his players to take an occasional drive down Route One. Like this: a Reina hoof, one bounce and a fine Albert Riera volley. Why play more?

GOALS OF THE WEEK

To business: Here's our top six goals of the week. Do you agree? And who's top dog?

1. Coventry’s David Bell scores a 45-yarder when Doncaster keeper Neil Sullivan goes walkabout.
Bell's boom – VIDEO HERE

2. Inter's Zlatan Ibrahimovic beats three Reggina players then chips in from 20 yards.
Zlatan's chip - VIDEO HERE

3. Real Madrid's Brazilian left-back Marcelo arrows in a first-timer from outisde the box - with his right foot.

Marvellous Marcelo - VIDEO HERE

4. Juve's Pavel Nedved volleys in from 20 yards. Still got it.

Nedved's hammer - VIDEO HERE

5. Who wants a whack? Caen's Nicolas Seube hammers home from 25 yards.

Seube's smack - VIDEO HERE

6. Hartlepool’s Anthony Sweeney hits a cracking volley on the run.

Sweeney's slammer - VIDEO HERE

So which was the best? See our front-page poll - and argue it out to your hearts’ content on the forum here.

HOWLERS

Before you go, though, there’s just time to show you a couple of c**k-ups from the week gone by. Most players seem to have been on their best behaviour this week and the buffoonery was kept to a minimum.

But we did track down this woeful penalty by Manchester City’s Robinho. If a Brazilian had done that...

And at Anfield, Rafa Benitez was unhappy his side only scored five against Villa. It could so easily have been six had captain fantastic Stevie Gerrard tucked home this gilt-edged chance.

Written by Rob Burnett. Send goal/gaffe suggestions to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com or mention them in the forum thread

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Goal of the Week forum thread
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

How I wrote the Football Book of the Year...

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Award-winning author, Jonathan Wilson, on how to write a best-seller...

These pieces are horrible to write.

It’s not just that I’m not getting paid for it – to be fair, it is mainly because I’m not getting paid for it – it’s that it’s virtually impossible to say anything after winning an award without sounding like a git.

The line between smug and surly is so fine as to be almost imperceptible. I’m only doing it because Inverting the Pyramid, which was named Football Book of the Year last week, started life as an article in FourFourTwo magazine. And because FourFourTwo.com's editor asked so nicely I’d have felt guilty not doing so.

I’ve just read Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, Peter Biskind’s superb history of Hollywood in the seventies. Amid a torrent of fascinating detail, perhaps the most striking thing – at least for a non-specialist – is how haphazard the whole process of film-making is.

Nobody ever seems to know what’s going to be any good, and nobody ever seems to make what they started out to make. People like to believe that somebody, somewhere, had a vision and pursued it to its beautiful conclusion, but the truth is that the vast majority of films are cobbled together after a string of compromises and leaps of inspiration.

The finished article

Inverting the Pyramid didn’t have such a troubled genesis as Jaws, which so troubled Steven Spielberg that he considered breaking his own arm to get out of having to direct it (see, there I am, like a git, comparing my book to one of the biggest films of all time, when what I should be doing is wondering whether he could have got Michael Caine to stamp on his arm as he placed it over a gap between the slats in a dressing-room bench), but it wasn’t exactly a smooth passage.

After finishing Behind the Curtain, which got good reviews but less than spectacular sales, I was chatting to my editor and my agent and a couple of other people at the publishers about what I could write next.

I hadn’t quite got round to suggesting a history of monkey-tennis, but I wasn’t far off, when somebody mentioned that they’d enjoyed the sections of Behind the Curtain that had dealt with tactics – that is, the bit on the Hungary side of the early fifties and the stuff about Valeriy Lobanovskyi.

My editor, it turned out, had once commissioned the former Times journalist Peter Ball to write a history of tactics, but he died before finishing it, and so was already keen on the idea.

As somebody who’s far more adept with brain than body, I’d always had a vague interest in tactics, and had pioneered my college team’s highly successful switch to 3-5-2 (at that pathetically low level, a pair of fit wing-backs such as we had drove the opposition wingers back onto their full-backs, leaving you with three-on-two at the back and three-on two in midfield).

So, thinking that rehashing the Hungary and Lobanovskyi stuff, adding a touch of Total Football, a dash of catenaccio and a nod to Alf Ramsey couldn’t be that taxing, I agreed to look into writing a proposal.

Realising that this was a lot of effort for no guaranteed return, I got in touch with FourFourTwo, who agreed to take a big history of tactics running over two issues.

That covered the basic research required for the proposal, so all seemed well until I sat down to write the thing. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so bored, which is never a good sign.

It was one of those pieces where I’d have to set myself rewards: write 200 words and then you can watch the next five goals on Superkev’s Hot 100. No dinner till you’ve written another 400. I presume external circumstances were to blame, because the article reads fine now, but that piece really was ground out, word by painful word.

"One more sentence... then jaffa cakes. Hmm"

So I left it a while, and then came to turn that into a proposal. Something happened. Suddenly, I started to see connections, themes emerging, areas that needed research.

I finished the proposal in under a day, and I knew there was something worthwhile there. The deal was signed with the publishers and I started scratching about with writing it.

Then Sunderland got promoted under Roy Keane, and I was offered another deal to bash out Sunderland: A Club Transformed. I would have had three months, but I didn’t want to tempt fate by starting before the promotion was secured, so I only had two.

I worked 20 hours a day on that, and it nearly destroyed me. Exhausted, I took a couple of weeks off and climbed Kilimanjaro, which left about seven months to write the tactics book. And then came the meeting that changed it utterly.

I can’t remember what event it was, but I bumped into Marcela Mora y Araujo, the Argentinian journalist. “Oh, you’ve got to interview Bilardo,” she said when she heard what I was doing, and I knew that if I was going to do the book properly, she was probably right.

And if I was going to Argentina, I thought, I might as well go to Brazil as well.

The book suddenly became far more serious, because having decided to spend three weeks in South America researching it, it meant the research elsewhere had to be increased. And the more I researched, the more I found.

How, I wondered, had nobody spotted that Queen’s Park’s adoption of the passing game in 1872 was directly related to the change in the Scottish offside law in 1866? Why did so few people realise that catenaccio predates Helenio Herrera? And why did nobody care who’d invented the 4-2-3-1?

"Right lads, we're going to bamboozle 'em with a bit of catenaccio..."

Then, in Brazil, I came upon the figure of Dori Kruschner, the man who imported the W-M in 1937, was mocked and dismissed, died in 1941, and then was proved to have been a visionary.

He stands now as a mythic figure, an alien from a strange land who imparted magical knowledge, and yet nobody knew who he was. All that was known was that he was from central Europe, and was probably Jewish.

So I asked a mate in Budapest to dig a little, and he, like the Brazilian historians I’d spoken to, turned up nothing. Until, that is, he suggested Kruschner might actually be spelled Kurschner.

It revealed Kurschner had won five caps for Hungary before the First World War and, startlingly, had played under and then succeeded the great Jimmy Hogan at MTK. So suddenly Hogan was revealed not merely as the father of football in Germany, the Netherlands, Austria and Hungary, but also the grandfather of Brazilian football.

It was at that point that I realised the book might actually be of some significance, might actually be the best thing I’ll ever write. That’s a great feeling, but it’s also stressful, and there were mornings when I woke and dry-heaved with the tension.

Whether the book actually achieves what it might have done I don’t know. Certainly now I can see gaps and things I’d write differently given a second go, but I think it turned out OK. And so, more importantly, did the judges.

Is that enough? Can I stop now?

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

King... for a day

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 10:00:00 GMT

It was inevitable, wasn’t it?

Sunday evening’s announcement that Ledley King would be in the squad for England’s games against Slovakia and Ukraine was met with understandable surprise from fans and the press.

Everyone in English football knows that, like a latter-day Paul McGrath, King suffers from a knee injury of such severity that he is unable to train regularly for Spurs and can only play, at most, once a week.

Everyone, it seems, except Fabio Capello and the FA.

"Fabio's gone and done what!?!"

Just when they’re looking efficiently like qualifying for the next World Cup and offering (again) to host another one a few years hence, they once again descend to slapdash bungling.

It seems – understandably, given the 28-year-old’s form – that Capello wants King at his disposal. If The Sun’s Ian McGarry is to be believed (and why shouldn’t he be?), Don Fabio rates King higher than John Terry and Rio Ferdinand.

We know from the all-out fun-fest that is transfer deadline day that the FA like to communicate with the outside world by fax, but surely on this occasion they could have picked up a new-fangled phone, dialled A for ‘Arry and got the inside track on King’s situation from the man who’s got the best out of him in recent months.

Instead, we witness a farce that casts Capello and the FA as ignorant amateurs, Redknapp as a bit of a sod and King as the humiliated pawn in a totally unnecessary and avoidable club-versus-country row.

Steven Gerrard had his say on the issue on Tuesday, claiming he didn’t wish to get involved in any club-versus-country row, before swiftly adding that, as an England player, he’d much rather King had stayed with the national team for the next eight days.

(This is, of course, the same Steven Gerrard who recently missed a couple of England games for an operation timed to see him fighting fit for Liverpool. Maybe this time he fancied merking Rio and Rooney after Liverpool’s win at Old Trafford last weekend.)

Fact is, the situation with King isn’t the same as any club-versus-country dispute that has come before it.

King: Caught in the crossfire

Spurs aren’t just withdrawing King on the off-chance that he might get injured in one of the two games, but in the knowledge that, had he stayed with England until next Wednesday, he wouldn’t have been able to play in their next match at Blackburn on Saturday week.

But never mind Spurs. More to the point, what benefit is there to England in calling up a player who can’t train with the rest of the squad, play in both matches (or either, if he breaks down during ill-advised training) – or ever be able to do so?

Yes, managers need to see players at close quarters in order to make decisions. But if Capello really rates King as highly as we’re told, he should do what’s best for the player: allow him to continue his progress at Spurs uninterrupted for the remainder of this season, and take another look at him when the June internationals roll round.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

The Tuesday 10: Goal celebrations

FourFourTwo Team — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

FFT.com's Rob Burnett finds the 10 best goal celebrations on YouTube

Once upon a time, goal celebrations weren’t all that watchable. Ask Frenchman Lucien Laurent, the first man ever to score a World Cup goal, at Uruguay 1930. “Everyone was pleased but we didn't all roll around on the ground,” he recalled. “A quick handshake and we got on the with game.”

By Bobby Charlton’s era it was acceptable to celebrate a goal by breaking into a run, perhaps with a little jump followed by a half-hearted wave. Don't go too mad, though – it's not very English.

1. Bobby Charlton keeps it simple – VIDEO

However, we're now in an age of routines so synchronised you suspect the players put more effort into choreography than training. You can just see half a dozen footballers in one of those mirrored rooms with someone in a leotard shouting, “No Djibril! It’s back flip, back flip, pirouette, conga! How hard can it be?!”

Keeping away from the High School Musical wannabes, let’s stick to spontaneity. King of the riposte must be Robbie Fowler, the man who reacted to crowd taunts about his off-field habits by smacking his head – and, on one glorious occasion, mocked Everton fans’ “cokehead” jibe by snorting the white (goal)line. The FA didn’t find it funny and banned him for four games.

2. Robbie Fowler gets sniffy – VIDEO

Another Liverpool striker reacting to allegations was Craig Bellamy, aka ‘the nutter with the putter’. After allegedly going after team-mate John Arne Riise with a golf club (which Bellamy denied – Legal Ed), he marked a goal at Barcelona with his best golf swing. Fore!

3. Craig Bellamy gets swinging – VIDEO

Also turning a media furore into a demonstration of joy was Paul Gascoigne with his ‘dentist’s chair’ routine. After much tabloid tutting over an exuberant drinking session during a pre-Euro 96 tour of Hong Kong, he celebrated his goal against Scotland with a reconstruction of said events.

4. Gazza gets refreshed – VIDEO

Then there’s the enjoyably different Stephen Ireland, who marked a goal for Manchester City against Sunderland by dropping his shorts to reveal his Superman undies. He didn’t get a card, but the FA did say “We will be reminding him of his responsibilities.” To wear clean pants, perhaps?

5. Ireland shows his grundies – VIDEO

The trouble with good ideas is that they spawn a thousand tacky imitations, and the ‘baby’ celebration initiated by Bebeto, Romario and Mazinho at USA 94 is now such old hat that Martin O’Neill has forbidden his players from doing it.

6. Brazil start an irksome trend – VIDEO

“I don't care if they have just had twins, quadruplets, 19 children at the one time – if they go up and do that when they score a goal, I will go ballistic,” said the man who looks like this when celebrating.

At least Carlos Tevez’s homage to his daughter was a bit more original: after netting against Birmingham City last year, he pulled a baby’s dummy from his shorts and stuck it in his mouth.

7. Tevez doesn't spit the dummy – VIDEO

Enough of pre-planned nonsense. The best celebrations come from the heart, not the brain – think Marco Tardelli in the final of Espana 82 (one of 10 other celebrations we featured in a previous Best of the Web).

When a player scores an important goal you don’t see the fans in the stands forming a human pyramid – they're too busy jumping up and down, screaming and generally going mental. Fans like to see their heroes on the pitch doing the same.

No one epitomised this better than Stuart Pearce exorcising his penalty demons from Italia 90 at Euro 96. After he buried his spot-kick against Spain he roared with a visceral combination of pride, joy, relief, belief and just about every other emotion you can name.

8. "And Psycho screaming..." VIDEO

Also prone to an emotional outburst is Jose Mourinho, and as Chelsea boss he liked little more than success against Barcelona. He didn’t let the cost of his designer suit dissuade him from a good old knee-slide. He'll simply never get those grass stains out.

9. Mourinho slides – VIDEO

Not all managers are as cool, though. As our final clip, see David Pleat gambolling across the Maine Road turf in his beige suit after Luton had avoided relegation in 1983. He might have pulled it off had he not decided to button up his jacket halfway through. Then again...

10. Pleat's hop, skip and jump – VIDEO

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Best of the Web

How did you do? Top-flight teams rated

FourFourTwo Team — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

James Maw of FFT.com's sister site Talentspotter marks this weekend's Premier League performances out of 10. Rate the players by following the links – or argue your point below

LIVERPOOL 9.5 (won 5-0 v Aston Villa)
So it’s back on again, then. Not a bad week and a half for Rafa Benitez, all things told. If Liverpool can maintain this level of performance for the rest of the season then you have to fancy them to pip United to the title. Sadly for Reds fans they’ll probably fail to break down a more defensive outfit like Blackburn or Hull and be solely focused on European matters by the end of next month. Shame, that.

FULHAM 9.0 (won 2-0 v Man Utd)
With Fulham having surrendered feebly at Old Trafford last month and effectively stepped aside to let United pass in the FA Cup two weeks ago, few would have predicted a home win here, despite the Cottagers’ impressive record at Craven Cottage. Playing against 10 men for 75 minutes helped, but the way Woy’s side put the European champions to the sword should be applauded. Next stop Europe?

TOTTENHAM 9.0 (won 1-0 v Chelsea)
After another Redknapp recruitment drive in January, Spurs finally look like a more balanced unit with a solid spine. The bejowled one has been fully justified by the way Spurs have shot up the table since – even temporarily tiptoeing into the top half for the first time in 20 months. Next season could be a very interesting one at White Hart Lane. Forgive us if this all sounds a bit familiar…

"Next year, we'll be flying"

PORTSMOUTH 8.5 (won 2-1 v Everton)
Pompey have looked a million times better since Paul Hart took the reins at Fratton Park – although given the general feeling of malaise that encapsulated the Tony Adams regime, that’s probably not saying much. They ground out a much-deserved win over away-day specialists Everton. Safety suddenly looks a lot more obtainable.

ARSENAL 8.5 (won 3-1 v Newcastle)
Like Portsmouth, Arsenal have seen their league ambitions suddenly fall well within reach in recent weeks, although that’s been as much to do with Aston Villa’s capitulation as their own Andrei Arshavin-induced resurgence. Robin van Persie’s finishing at St James’ will have been a concern, but with Nicklas Bendtner suddenly on form, who needs the Dutchman? (The answer, obviously, is Arsenal.)

STOKE 8.0 (won 1-0 v Middlesbrough)
Dust off the Cliché Catalogue! Stoke get a gutsy, hard-fought 1-0 win with a goal coming from a long throw. We’re probably doing Tony Pulis’s side a disservice there, but their sheer effectiveness looks likely to see Premier League football grace the Britannia for at least another season.

WIGAN 8.0 (won 1-0 v Hull)
For a while this looked like being one of those matches that would leave Wigan frustrated – with Steve Bruce looking progressively more pained on the sidelines as the Latics came closer and closer to breaking the deadlock. Fortunately Ben Watson struck before Brucie’s head exploded.

MAN CITY 7.0 (won 1-0 v Sunderland)
For City, home is certainly where the heart is – or where the points are. Eastlands wins have provided 79 percent of their points, with 30 from 15 games bettered only by Manchester United and Liverpool; conversely, their eight points from 45 on the road is better than only Stoke and West Brom. Mark Hughes has to address that if he’s to have any chance of appeasing the owners. If not, the forthcoming trips to Arsenal, Everton, United and Spurs may be his last as City boss.

"So this is where it all happens..."

WEST HAM 6.5 (drew 1-1 with Blackburn)
One point gained, 11 to go to reach Gianfranco Zola’s European target. Given the number of players for the last couple of matches, the Hammers will probably be thankful to have come through them unbeaten. They’re still well in the Europa League hunt – although City, Spurs and Fulham are within three points.

BLACKBURN 6.0 (drew 1-1 with West Ham)
A well-earned point very much in the Sam Allardyce mould. Rovers look infinitely more difficult to beat than they did under Paul Ince and look to be winning games at regular enough intervals to avoid the drop. If El Hadji Diouf learns how to put the ball in the net from an onside position they’ll be laughing.

WEST BROM 6.0 (drew 1-1 with Bolton)
A point snatched from the jaws of defeat, and in truth not one they really deserved. Sadly it looks like a matter of ‘when’ rather than ‘if’ West Brom are relegated – and failing to perform in winnable matches like this one will only hasten their decline.

BOLTON 6.0 (drew 1-1 with West Brom)
By late March, teams in 12th are often already on their holidays, with safety assured and Europe out of reach. Neither yet applies to Bolton, although they’ve all but seen off any hopes of Europe by botching an away win late on against the division’s most beatable club. Not what Gary ‘Mr Popular’ Megson needed.

EVERTON 5.5 (lost 2-1 to Portsmouth)
Maybe less of a surprising defeat than it seems, given that the FA Cup will now be David Moyes’ main priority. And with the squad beset with injuries, could Everton’s lack of depth finally cost them as they enter the final straight?

"I could bring on the kitman..."

HULL 5.5 (lost 1-0 to Wigan)
Having halted their slide towards the bottom three with four points in their previous two league matches, Hull reverted to 2009 type with a defeat at the JJB. The Tigers probably need two more victories to be sure of safety; given it’s taken them three months to get their last two, that might not be as straightforward as it seems.

CHELSEA 5.0 (lost 1-0 to Tottenham)
Frustrated by a resilient Spurs side, Chelsea spurned a good opportunity to make up ground on Manchester United. The surprisingly defeatist attitude of Guus Hiddink post-match suggests Chelsea’s priority may now switch to lifting their first Champions League trophy.

SUNDERLAND 5.0 (lost 1-0 to Man City)
Don’t Sunderland players watch Match of the Day? As mighty Manchester United proved, you can’t expect to come away with anything if you go down to 10 men in the first 20 minutes away at a team who generally perform well at home. The difference is that United’s defeat didn’t see them drop to a point above 17th. After gaining two points from five games, Ricky Sbragia needs to put the brakes on quickly.

"I can't watch!" "Only 10 more minutes, boss"

MIDDLESBROUGH 4.5 (lost 1-0 to Stoke)
For the second time in as many matches Boro have failed to drag themselves out of trouble with a win against the side directly above them. The improved performances against West Ham and Liverpool are already a distant memory and, with goals looking in short supply, it’s hard to see how they’ll be able to turn it round.

NEWCASTLE 4.0 (lost 3-1 to Arsenal)
Another relatively decent but ultimately fruitless performance against one of the big boys. Things are starting to look rather bleak and relegation is a real possibility if the Magpies don’t start to grind out results, and quick. Our advice? Try playing like that against the likes of Middlesbrough and Fulham and they’ll be fine. Probably.

ASTON VILLA 2.5 (lost 5-0 to Liverpool)
It was good while it lasted. Having been two minutes from going eight points clear of Arsenal in fourth, Villa are now the ones playing catch-up, and look increasingly like they’re chasing their own tails. In truth 5-0 was probably a tad harsh, but that doesn’t hide the fact that Martin O’Neill’s side look a shadow of the one that went 13 league matches unbeaten through the winter.

MANCHESTER UNITED 2.0 (lost 2-0 to Fulham)
That’s one mark off for each red card, each goal conceded and each time Cristiano Ronaldo should have been booked for whining like a spoilt six-year-old. United may still be a point clear with a game in hand, but as Mark Lawrenson will continue to say until somebody slaps him, “You can’t switch form on and off like a tap”. No, it’s really more like an intricate system of pulleys and levers…

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Goals of the Week

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Welcome to the weekly Video Star blog, rounding up the best goals and worst gaffes of the last seven days. In a moment we’ll bring you our six choices for Goal Of The Week – but first, the funnies…

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

It’s been a bad week for Gabby Heinze: after conceding a crucial penalty last Tuesday at Anfield, he stabbed in at the near post to halve Athletic Bilbao's deficit against Real Madrid.

That’s a poacher’s finish, though. Against Watford on Saturday, Sheffield Wednesday defender Mark Beevers preferred the 25-yard lob option.

Meanwhile Ben Turner turned the Coventry-Preston game around. Cov were winning until he leapt like a salmon to level; PNE went on to win 2-1.

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

But why bother scoring own-goals when it’s easier to let strikers do it? Caen centre-backs Vicente Plante and Florian Boucansoud played “After you, Claude” with a long ball, letting Lille’s Michel Bastos in for the winner.

Dilly-dallying Doncaster defender James Chambers paid the price for his shocking back-pass when Hamer Bouazza took full advantage to double Birmingham’s lead at the Keepmoat Stadium.

Bolton's Andy O'Brien was so keen for Fulham’s Andy Johnson to score his first away goal of the season that he did all the hard work for him and dribbled the ball round Jussi Jaaskelainen to set him up.

"Follow me, AJ"

KEEPERS WEEPERS

Goalkeepers have the easiest job in football – they never break sweat and they can have a drink whenever they want. Their only job is to make a save once in a while. Obviously that’s too much for this lot…

Even the best drop their guard. Ask Iker Casillas, who let in a soft one at the near post for Athletic Bilbao's equaliser against Real Madrid.

Staying in Spain, Depor's keeper Daniel Aranzubia parried a tame Sporting Gijon shot into Luis Moran’s path for 1-0.

Kapfenberg's glove man Martin Eisl had a right old flap at Rapid Vienna’s fourth goal before meekly falling to his knees as Erwin Hoffer scored the easiest goal of his career.

Watford goalkeeper Scott Loach fumbled a corner straight to Marcus Tudgay to put Sheffield Wednesday one up at Vicarage Road.

Coventry gloveman Keiran Westwood’s poor kick was intercepted and fed to ‘The Beast’ – Jon Parkin slotting home the winner for Preston.

Siena keeper Gianluca Curci fancied himself as a defender against Milan, rushing headlong out of his box. Pato embarrassed him to make it 5-1.

GOL!

Before we bring you the top 10 goals of the week, here are a few that didn’t make the cut but did make us applaud.

Like a drunkard or a dog, Sebastian Giovinco casually slashed into the corner to put Juve in front against Bologna, while at Siena Pato gave the keeper no chance with his 25-yard lash for Milan.

"Dog? I'm a dolphin, mate"

Missing at Old Trafford, Zlatan Ibrahimovic got back to Serie A business with a wicked free kick against Fiorentina.

Cheeky Piotr Trochowski showed what he thought of Cottbus’s two-man wall by sailing his free kick right over the top of it to put Hamburg 2-0 up.

Ajax's Luis Suarez also knocked home a decent set-piece against De Grafschaap, while ex-Middlesbrough midfielder Fabio Rochemback hammered in a daisy-cutter for Sporting against Rio Ave.

Speaking of EPL rejects, Chelsea reject Claudio Pizarro hammered home for Werder Bremen against Stuttgart.

Back to England, and Wade Small’s spectacular volley won it for Blackpool at Barnsley. A perfectly good game of headers and volleys between Gillingham and Shrewsbury was spoiled by Curtis Weston bringing the ball down and larruping home from 30 yards.

GOALS OF THE WEEK

That’s enough ado. Here, in alphabetical order, are the top 10 Goals Of The Week. Which do you prefer?

1. Teenage Sporting Gijon defender Jose Angel scores a long-distance cracker to open his account in just his fifth game to make it 3-1 against Depor.

2. Cheltenham’s David Bird controls a looping ball with his first touch, pops it up using his knee with his second and then whacks home a 20-yarder with his third.

3. Auxerre’s Tomas Kalenberg punishes stranded Lyon keeper Hugo Lloris with a calm chip.

4. Brilliantly-monickered Maarten Martens floats in a shot from the wing for AZ at Utrecht. Claims he meant it, too.

5. Giuseppe "volley from the halfway line” Mascara's at it again with a 45-yard whack for Catania at Udinese.

6. Monaco’s Francois Modesto scores with a scissors kick.

7. Pablo opens his Valencia account with a gorgeous chip to earn a point against Recreativo.

8. Rapid Vienna's Yasin Pehlivan - 20 years old, on just his fourth appearance after elevation from the club's amateur squad - lashes home a confident 25-yarder against Kapfenberg.

9. Back to goal? Defender all over you? High ball coming in? No problem. This overhead kick from Pacos Ferreira's Andre Pinto opens the scoring in a 4-0 win over Leixoes.

10. Pavel Pogrebnyak has the balalaikas ringing out with this 25-yard free kick for Zenit St Petersburg at Spartak Moscow.

So which was the best? You decide on the FourFourTwo forum...

Written by Rob Burnett. Send goal/gaffe suggestions to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com or mention them in the forum thread

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Jose Mourinho's Greatest Hits

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Admit it: you miss Jose Mourinho.

Last week's fleeting return with Inter was like a favourite uncle dropping in on Boxing Day: full of wit, stories and presents, then dashing off before tea, leaving you looking around at the same boring faces as before and wishing he'd stayed a while longer.

Mourinho's love of the limelight is seen by some as vanity. His players, though, love it: it removes them from the pressure of the spotlight.

And instead of mumbled platitudes, fans are rewarded with pith, sarcasm and thought-provoking soundbites which fill in all those boring days between games.

In tribute to the man who could be loved or hated but seldom ignored, we present 10 of his most controversial moments. And it doesn't even include that Old Trafford touchline sprint. Or the time he was arrested trying to keep his dog out of quarantine...

February 2005 Mourinho wins his first trophy with Chelsea, but the Carling Cup victory is marred by his own sending-off after his team's late equaliser.

With Steven Gerrard – a Chelsea transfer target the previous summer – having unwittingly levelled matters with an nown goal, The Special One strolls down the touchline past aghast Liverpool fans, finger pressed to his lips in a silence gesture.

He later claims he wasn’t taunting Liverpool fans, but gesturing to the media who had criticised his side, telling them to “put their pens in their pockets.”

Presumably after tapping them thoughtfully against their pursed lips.

Mourinho (left) gets his marching orders at the Millennium

March 2005 Mourinho accuses referee Anders Frisk and Barcelona manager Frank Rijkaard of a clandestine meeting during the half-time interval of their Champions League last 16 first leg.

He claims that he was “not surprised” to see Didier Drogba sent off for a dubious second booking, and breaks FIFA rules by preventing his players from speaking to the media after the game.

Mourinho receives a fine and a two-match ban (it's later claimed that this may have been partially circumvented by assistant Rui Faria wearing an earpiece under his bobble hat, while some say Mourinho hid in the dressing room and escaped in a laundry bin).

Frisk subsequently receives death threats, and – having already that season been struck by a coin at Roma – decides to retire. Mourinho is labelled the “enemy of football” by overexcited UEFA referee’s chief Volker Roth.

June 2005 Scandal! Mourinho is fined £200,000 after meeting Arsenal employee Ashley Cole in a hotel back in January. The fine is later reduced to £75,000.

October 2005 Mourinho labels Arsene Wenger a voyeur, suggesting the Frenchman has an unhealthy obsession with Chelsea.

“I think he wants my job,” Mourinho says about the Arsenal manager, who threatens legal action. Mourinho later apologises for the remark.

December 2006 Jose has a touchline bust-up with Everton boss David Moyes after Andy Johnson collides with substitute goalkeeper Hilario.

The Portuguese insinuates the striker has dived and later labels him “untrustworthy”. Again, the manager apologises after being threatened with legal action.

"I know you're there Arsene"

March 2007 Mourinho calls Mike Riley a *** – Portuguese for b*tch – during the half-time break of an FA Cup quarter-final against Spurs

Jose claims it is a word he uses regularly and goes on to call Mike Riley a “good referee.” No action is taken, and everybody carries on like grown-ups.

August 2008 It doesn't take long for Mourinho to bring his brand of newsworthiness to his new job at Inter.

After Juventus coach (and Chelsea predecessor) Claudio Ranieri says "unlike Mourinho I don’t need to win to be sure about what I am doing," the Portuguese blasts back in his usual style.

"Ranieri was right, I do need to win things to be sure of what I am doing. That’s why I've won so many trophies. By contrast he has the mentality that winning isn’t crucial and at nearly 70 years old he's just won a Super Cup and other small tournaments. He is too old to change his mentality.”

The Italian media, used to respecting age (although Raniari is actually only 56), react furiously. Corriere dello Sport calls the Inter boss “arrogant and offensive. Mourinho has responded to a nudge with a punch in the face.”

To quote children everywhere: "He started it."

October 2008 Catania CEO Pietro Lo Monaco takes the unusual step of suggesting Mourinho should have his "teeth smashed in".

This comes after a 2-1 victory at Catania prompts the Portuguese to say Inter "deserved to win 5-1" and that "had I played in goal in place of Julio Cesar, nothing would have changed."

Outraged, Lo Monaco says Mourinho has offended the whole of Catania and should "keep his mouth shut" or "take his beautiful suitcase back to his own country".

Lo Monaco is suspended for 40 days, while Mourinho says he has only ever heard of Monaco as a place for a Grand Prix.

"You want a piece of me... I'll take you all on"

March 2009 Mourinho launches a scathing attack on the Italian media after a 3-3 draw with Roma in which Inter are awarded a debatable penalty.

Replays of Mario Balotelli tumbling over a challenge are pored over in obsessive detail and, although a consensus isn't reached, Juventus coach Claudio Ranieri predictably agrees with Roma boss Luciano Spalletti and captain Daniele de Rossi that the youngster dived.

Noting Ranieri's punditry, Jose isn't jolly.

“I don’t like intellectual prostitution, I like intellectual honesty,” he says. "There has been great intellectual manipulation over the last few days to manipulate public opinion. We haven't talked about a Roma side with great players, lots of players I wanted to have with me, that will finish the season with zero titles.

"We haven't talked about Milan, who will finish the season with zero titles. We haven't talked about Juventus, who have won lots of points with refereeing mistakes." No, and now we're not talking about your players either, we're talking about you...

March 2009 After his Inter Milan side lose 2-0 in the Champions League last 16, there are allegations (which he strenuously denies) that Mourinho slapped a Manchester United fan outside Old Trafford.

You can supply your own punchline for this one.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

I beg your pardon?! Football's awkward TV moments

FourFourTwo Team — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:30:00 GMT

What must Alan Pardew be thinking this morning?

We've all done it – woken up and regretted at leisure something we said in haste the previous night. But most of us didn't make our verbal slip in front of a watching nation.

Making a rare appearance on the MotD2 sofa alongside Alan Hansen and lovable Brummie simpleton Adrian Chiles, the former Charlton boss was happily waxing lyrical about Michael Essien's muscular style.

All was going swimmingly until he casually said the Ghanaian "absolutely rapes" Man City’s Ched Evans – a quote that's not so much Alan Pardew as Alan Partridge.

Although a Russell Brand-style Daily Mail-led witch-hunt is unlikely, it’s doubtful that Pardew will be invited back to Television Centre anytime soon. Here are five more moments that made the broadcasting top brass sweat…

Stephen Bywater

Despite conceding five at Arsenal the day before, Derby keeper Stephen Bywater seemed in good spirits as he appeared on Sky’s Goals on Sunday in October 2007.

So much so, in fact, that he overlooked the fact that it was probably not the brightest thing in the world to spell out the most obscene word imaginable on a Sunday morning television show.

What's best about the clip is that Bywater considered his options, deciding against saying the word and spelling it out letter by letter, as if the viewers were toddlers overhearing a grown-up conversation. Host Clare Tomlinson was reprimanded following the incident, presumably for not jumping across the studio and clamping her hand over Bywater’s mouth.

Bywater: "Give us a C..."

Micah Richards

Having just scored an injury time equaliser for Man City in an FA Cup tie at Villa Park, a young Richards was cornered on camera by Garth Crooks and asked the usual stupid questions (“How does it feel to score an equalising goal in the last minute? Good?”) Richards’ excitement got the better of him and he promptly dropped the F-bomb all over the Beeb’s Sunday teatime audience. You’d never have caught Hugh Scully or Nora Batty doing that.

Taken aback slightly, Crooks dismissed the slip as the result of Richards’ youth and inexperience in front of the cameras. Which is all very well and good, but doesn’t explain the rambling claptrap of Crooks.

Rodney Marsh

To be honest, this one was coming for a while. The former QPR and Fulham maverick has a habit of opening his gob before engaging his brain, although the gaffe that saw him axed by Sky Sports seemed all too carefully prepared.

Less than a month after a tsunami had devastated large parts of the Far East and left 225,000 people dead, Marsh joked that David Beckham had turned down a move to Newcastle "because of trouble with the Toon Army in Asia".

He may have made light of the death of a thousands of people but, hey, at least he didn’t swear…

Ron Atkinson

The former Manchester United jewellery model broke the ultimate taboo in 2004, by using the ‘n’ word on live television. Sadly, it wasn’t done in an edgy, intellectual, ‘make you think’ kind of way; but rather in an overtly racist, moronic, ‘makes you think he’s a massive racist’ kind of way.

Thinking the microphones were off following Chelsea’s Champions League semi-final defeat in Monaco, Atkinson was far from gushing with praise for defender Marcel Desailly (you know what he said, which saves us the effort of finding a glossy way of putting it). Sadly for the tubby chancer, the broadcast had continued in some parts of Asia that were using ITV’s coverage of the game.

Glenn Hoddle

It’s 1987 and Spurs are marching to their third FA Cup final in seven seasons. England midfielder and chart-bothering karaokeist Glenn Hoddle is describing his quarter-final free-kick against Wimbledon to a television reporter. “I saw the keeper off his line so I thought I'd have a tw*t.”

We’re not really even sure where to start with that one…

"Put your foot through it, Joey"

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Torres key at United, but Liverpool have already given up

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Consider two quotes from Fernando Torres, taken from an interview with FourFourTwo magazine, published in early February.

1. “Everyone at the club is completely focused on winning the league; it’s more important than the Champions League, more important than anything. It’s an obsession for the fans and the club.”

2. “Playing against Real Madrid is not special.”

If both those statements are true, Manchester United’s defence shouldn’t sleep a wink on Friday night as they contemplate facing the Spaniard at Old Trafford tomorrow.

The recurring nightmare of Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic will be Torres slaloming this way and that, teasing, tempting, bamboozling, then bursting past them with that awesome change of pace and slamming the ball into Edwin Van der Sar’s net.

El Nino sends Vidic into a spin

Because if the performance of Torres on Tuesday night against Real Madrid is anything to go by, Sir Alex Ferguson’s team are in serious trouble.

In a game that wasn’t special, played in a tournament that wasn’t his main priority, Torres was awesome, driving poor Pepe to distraction… then rubbing his nose in it during a 4-0 win.

In the build up to the game, the Portuguese defender had announced that he knew exactly how he was going to stop Torres, but it took the Spaniard just 16 minutes to prove him wrong.

Spanish newspaper Marca later claimed that, during the game, Pepe had tried to goad Torres, saying: “We have nine European cups.”

Torres’s reply? “Yes, but you have zero.”

So Liverpool marched on in Europe… again. But now Torres is undergoing intensive treatment and a battle to be fit for a match that, back in February at least, he himself believed was more important than anything.

Defeat at Old Trafford will leave Liverpool 10 points behind United (who will still have a game in hand), and their dreams of a first league title in 19 years in tatters.

Rafa's stricken star hobbles off

And yet their key player, the matchwinner capable of terrorising even Europe’s meanest defence, may not even make it on to the pitch.

Tuesday’s game was Torres’s first in two weeks, and he has since admitted he played through the pain barrier – his injured ankle was encased in a protective cast as soon as he came off.

It’s even been claimed that Torres had to persuade Rafa Benitez to risk him in that match.

He says he’ll be fit to play against United: “I feel good. My ankle felt a little painful in the second half against Real, but that doesn't matter for a match like this."

Yet the fact that both Torres and Benitez were willing to take the gamble against Madrid shows the shift in priorities at Anfield in recent weeks.

Call it pragmatism or defeatism, manager and star player know that win or lose on Saturday, barring a miracle, this title race is already lost. Better to focus on a competition they can still win.

In which case, Torres needn’t worry. Rafa will probably give him a nice, comfy seat on the bench at Old Trafford.

"Reserved for Torres"

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Dazzling goals & devastating gaffes

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 12:00:00 GMT

FFT.com’s Rob Burnett sifts through the best and worst of the week’s action..

Welcome again to Video Stars where, as usual, we round up the good, the bad, and the downright Iain Dowie-like ugly of the week’s footie. Hold on tight…

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

Anderson Polga of Sporting Lisbon will no doubt have been relieved that his own goal made absolutely no difference to the result in Bayern Munich’s 7-1 mauling of the Portuguese club.

However, the same cannot be said of QPR’s Damien Stewart, who handed Doncaster an early lead with this header that looped over Rangers keeper Radek Cerny.

That’s now eight games without a win for the Loftus Road billionaires.

Polga: "I want my mummy"

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

When they’re not putting the ball into their own nets, defenders all over the globe still seem hell-bent on doing their upmost to help the opposition, as this bunch of clowns prove.

We start at Bayern Munich (again) first, where the Sporting defence sportingly made a complete hash of this long ball, allowing Lukas Podolski to score his, and Bayern’s, second of the night.

Lionel Scaloni could do with some back-pass lessons from Mark Lawrenson on this evidence. This hideous attempt at a pass back to his keeper set up former Liverpool winger Mark Gonzalez to score Betis's first at Mallorca in a 3-3 thriller.

While Porto's Brazilian striker Hulk - you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry - makes it 2-0 following a horror header from a Leixoes defender.

KEEPERS WEEPERS

They say all goalkeepers are mad, but these ones are just plain rubbish.

Numancia keeper Juan Pablo allows this shot from Rodriguez to slip through his fingers to put Valencia 1-0 up.

Next, Hertha Berlin keeper Jaroslav Drobny lets this long-range free kick from Cagdas Atan squeeze through his legs to edge Cottbus ahead. Muppet.

Our old friend Helton of Porto's back, dropping a cross in comedic fashion for Diogo Valente of Leixoes to net a consolation at the death.

While Salzburg's Ibrahim Sekagy says grazie to Christian Gratze, after the Sturm Graz glove-man can only parry a tame 30-yard daisy-cutter into his own net.

Helton: "What?"

MEET THE MISSES

“If it had gone in, it would have been a goal.” Joe Royle.

If you make a horrendous mistake or miss a sitter, all you can do is get on with it and hope your team-mates ensure your clanger doesn’t matter.

Pity poor Cottbus forward Emil Jula then, who missed a gaping open goal, which would have put his side 2-0 up against Hertha Berlin, who then bounced back to win 3-1.

On the other hand, Miroslav Klose’s miss in Bayern’s thrashing Sporting Lisbon in the Champions League on Tuesday could not have mattered less in the end.

The Germans won 7-1, but it should have been 8-1 had Klose tucked this effort home. He' must be kicking himself.

GOL!

On to the corkers now sports fans, and first to Spain where Cosmin Contra's free kick hauled Getafe back into contention against Malaga.

Numancia’s Carlos Aranda even had time to indulge in a bit of penalty area juggling before tucking home the equaliser against Valencia…

… before Jose Barkero curled home this free kick to complete the fightback and seal a 2-1 success.

Nothing incenses managers more than players giving away needless and cheap goals.

So goodness knows what Recreativo Huelva’s gaffer was thinking when his team gave the ball away from their own throw-in and allowed Jonathan Sesma to score with this superbly swept 20-yard lob for Real Valladolid.

Sporting Gijon raced into a two goal lead at Osasuna with two crackers – the first a volley from David Barral…

…and the second a floated curler from Diego Castro, which sealed a 2-1 win.

With David Seaman long retired, Andriy Voronin is one of the few ponytailed footballers left in Europe. Here he is dancing through the Cottbus defence to complete his hat-trick and score his sixth goal in six games for title-chasing Hertha Berlin.

Voronin: "Hmmm, delicious and nutritious"

Is Zlatan Ibrahimovic really the best player in the world? Well, no, but Jose Mourinho thinks he is, perhaps because he keeps scoring goals like this dink to put Inter one up at Genoa.

Mourinho may know his footballing onions, so to speak, but surely Leo Messi is a better player than Ibrahimovic, especially as he seems to score a wonder goal virtually every week.

Here’s his latest effort against Lyon, where he collects the ball out wide before ghosting past three defenders and slotting it past the keeper. Genius.

Next, former Barcelona forward Ludovic Giuly. Ah Ludo Giuly, he’ll always have Paris.

And they are glad to have him, so long as he keeps winning games for them. Here he lashes home a volley for PSG at Lorient to earn the capital city side a 1-0 win.

Note to Cristiano Ronaldo, Jurgen Klinsmann et al... you can still score even if you are going down in the box as Nancy's Silva Andre Luiz has recently proved.

While falling backwards, he scoops the ball over the advancing keeper in a 2-2 draw at Le Mans. Bravo.

To the J-League we go now, where Brazilian forward Marquinhos wallops home a 20-yard diagonal to cap a flowing Kashima Antlers counter-attack vs Urawa.

But it's only a brief sojourn in the Far East this week, as we're back in Europe, with Podolski beginning Bayern’s crushing of Sporting with this classy finish.

It was pretty much one-way traffic at the Allianz Arena, except for this beauty from Everton-target Joao Moutinho, who pulled one back for Sporting to make it 3-1.

Eduardo showed he's suffering no ill-effects from his year-long injury layoff on Sunday, putting Arsenal 2-0 ahead against Burnley with an esquisite volley.

Eduardo: So good, he can score with his ankle

And how about this for a well worked goal from Juventus against Chelsea.

Vincenzo Iaquinta flicks the ball onto David Trezeguet, who hooks it over the Blues's back-line for Iaquinta to run on to and fire past Petr Cech.

AND FINALLY…

Ronaldo, the original, now rather portly, World Cup-winning version from Brazil, scored his first goal in more than a year on Sunday after making his latest comeback with Corinthians.

He netted an injury time equaliser for his new club against their arch rivals Palmeiras and seemed rather pleased with it...

...and then he went and scored again just days later, guiding home the winner against Sao Caetano. He's still big, but he's back!

Ronaldo: "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here"

Until next time...

Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Why Liverpool can’t win the Champions League...

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:00:00 GMT

After Liverpool's systematic dismantling of Real Madrid, many are understandably tipping the Merseysiders for Champions League glory this year.

It's written in the stars, they say.

Liverpool won their first European Cup in Rome in 1977, and triumphed there again seven years later when Bruce Grobbelaar's spaghetti legs spooked AS Roma in their own backyard.

Spaghetti-legs Bruce helps seal '77 success

And with hated rivals Manchester United on course to equal the Reds' record of 18 top-flight titles, it would certainly ease the pain if the Anfield outfit secured their sixth European Cup to United's three.

But if you know your history, Liverpool’s name isn't on the Cup*.

It's not because Rafa Benitez will be distracted by domestic affairs, be they chasing United's tails in the Premier League or interviewing prospective LFC owners to ensure they're pliable.

It's not because his squad rotation – a phrase strangely absent from the reaction to the Madrid massacre – will go accidentally awry and leave him fielding a half-dead, half-useless team in the final (although things eventually sorted themselves out in Istanbul).

It's not even because Torres and Gerrard will be bundled into the back of a car by a mysterious man with a Scottish accent.

No, Liverpool have cooked their own goose by beating Real Madrid.

Because for the last six seasons, whoever boots the Bernabeu boys out of the Champions League has then been defeated by the eventual champions.

Last year, Roma knocked out the Spaniards in the last 16 and were promptly dispatched with aplomb by a Manchester United side bound for triumph in Moscow.

2006: Arsenal beat Real, then lose to winners Barca...

The year before, Bayern Munich knocked Madrid out at the same stage and were swiftly dismissed by AC Milan, who beat Liverpool in the Athens final.

That was the second successive time an English club had lost the final, Arsenal having succumbed to Barcelona in Paris.

Why? Because they'd beaten Real Madrid in the last 16, thanks to Thierry Henry's brilliant individual goal at the Bernabeu.

The year before that there had been English glory, thanks to Liverpool's heroic Istanbul comeback – which was surely founded on their sudden realisation that they had previously beaten Juventus, conquerors of you-know-who in the last 16.

Juve should have known better. They got as close as anyone to beating the ju-ju in 2003 when they shared a penalty shootout with AC Milan, before the footballing gods extracted revenge for the Old Lady's semi-final dismissal of Los Merengues.

The Curse of Madrid is partly responsible for the Cult of Mourinho, too.

Much of his reputation is founded on winning the Champions League with Porto, who easily overcame an oddly dispirited Monaco when the Monegasques paid the price of their Morientes-inspired win over Madrid.

2004: Monaco beat Real, then lose to winners Porto...

That's six successive seasons in which those who have eliminated Real Madrid have been beaten by the eventual winners. The year before that, the trophy was won by Madrid themselves, powered along by all-action Steve McManaman.

Man, that seems a long time ago...

*Well, it is, because they've won it before and have thus been engraved on the trophy.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Stupendous goals & stupid mistakes

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

FFT.com’s Rob Burnett summarises the best and worst of the week’s action..

It's amazing how footballers manage to oscillate between brilliance and ineptitude, sometimes in the same match. It's time to applaud, or laugh at, what the little scamps have been up to this week.

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

Own goals are always a hoot, and it's first to Spain where Valencia defender Raul Albiol turns home a Valladolid cross to hand them a 2-1 win.

Watch out for the little stumble just after the ball crosses the line, as if for a split second he believes he can stop it, but then realises it’s hopeless.

It was heartbreak hotel for Leixoes' brilliantly-named defender Elvis on Friday, when he got all shook up and tucked the ball home from six yards to help Benfica win. No doubt he was lonesome that night. Enough? Oh all right.

The curious case of Liverpool FC continued at the Riverside Stadium on Saturday. After beating the mighty Real Madrid in the Bernabeu on Wednesday, the Reds then conspired to lose at Middlesbrough, who had gone a staggering 14 games without a league win.

Gareth Southgate's side were aided by Xabi Alonso scoring their first goal from a Stewart Downing corner.

Alonso: "Oops"

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

The task is simple: stop the other lot scoring. Perhaps this rabble need a refresher course…

Newcastle shocked the St. James' Park crowd on Wednesday night by taking the lead against Manchester United.

But then a dose of their usual clownish defending gifted victory to the champions elect. Ryan Taylor’s awful attempt at chesting the ball back to Steve Harper was his own personal contribution to a possible United quintuple, allowing Dimitar Berbatov to tuck home the winner.

Meanwhile United’s Champions League opponents Inter Milan were severe given a hiding away at Sampdoria.

A sub-par side were undone 3-0, the first courtesy of a terrible mistake by Columbian Nelson Rivas, who laughingly calls himself a defender.

Mourinho might disagree after Rivas needlessly dilly-dallied on the ball long enough for Antonio Cassano to swoop in and score an easy opener.

Taylor: "Doh"

KEEPERS WEEPERS

Never mind, there’s always the goalkeeper. With an authoritative figure marshalling the defence from between the sticks what could go wrong? Well, this actually…

Heerenveen sunk PSV Eindhoven 3-2 on Friday, but they were not helped by goalkeeper Brian Vandenbussche, who spilt a shot straight at PSV's Timmy Simons to net.

Lecce keeper Francesco Benuzzi gathered a deflected shot by Giovanni Pasquale, but then failed dismally to hold on to the ball allowing Pasquale to pick his pocket and put Udinese 2-0 up in the 95th minute.

Vitoria Setubal's Nikola Milojevic showed his distribution is about as good as the Royal Mail during a strike, when he tamely tapped a clearance to Maritimo’s Baba Diawara, who calmly lobbed it back over him and into the net for his first of three goals in a 5-1 home win.

And this particular section of Video Stars couldn't end without a nod to Manchester United glove-man Edwin Van der Sar.

The Dutchman's astonishing record of 14 consecutive Premier League clean sheets came to the most embarrassing of ends on Wednesday, allowing Newcastle's Peter Lovenkrands to score, probably, the easiest goal of his career.

Lovenkrands: "Cheers easy"

GOL!

Footballers aren’t all a bunch of incompetent halfwits mind, this lot prove that some of them do have magic in them there boots…

Nacional striker Mateus’s 20 yard volley against Academica completed a textbook Charles Hughes move: keeper clearance, flick on, bang.

Next, how to make yourself an instant hero: Giuseppe Mascara's astonishing 45-yard volley makes it 3-0 to Catania at Palermo in the Sicilian derby.

AZ Alkmaar's Moussa Dembelé carried the ball from inside his own half and just keeps going, rounding off the scoring in a 3-0 win over Groningen.

While at Feyenoord there was not one, but two crackers from Vitesse. First a fizzed free-kick from Nicky Hofs (who is on loan from Feyenoord, well done whoever authorized that move)...

... followed by a belting volley from Slovenian Dalibor Stevanovic in a 2-2 draw.

Red Bull Salzburg midfielder Somen Tchoyi obviously has wings, making it 2-0 against LASK Linz from a stupidly tight angle...

...but not as tight as this. We've seen goals curled in from the corner of the penalty box, but not often from actually on the goal-line - like Julien Feret's effort for Nancy in a 4-1 caning at PSG.

Real Madrid’s Guti continues to prove an alice band is no obstacle to success, and top-cornered this free kick at Espanyol on Saturday, the first in a 2-0 win for Los Merengues.

Guti: "You don't save those"

While Real’s rivals Barcelona are continuing to live up to their reputation as bottlers by losing again, this time 4-3 at Atletico Madrid. Barca looked to be in complete control when Thierry Henry scored a first-time 25-yard belter…

… and they were 2-0 up after Leo Messi danced through the defence and slotted the ball past the keeper.

But Atletico fought back immediately through Manchester United reject Diego Forlan, hammering home to halve the deficit, with another from the Uruguayan and two more from strike-partner Sergio Aguero condemning the Catalans to back-to-back defeats.

Moving on, Mallorca captain Juan Arango gave the Sporting Gijon keeper no chance with this wicked free kick, earning his side a 1-0 win.

While former Birmingham City loanee Mauro Zárate handed Lazio the lead against Bologna with this dead-ball strike, the first of a brace for the young Argentine forward.

Back in Blighty, John Carew's nonchalant flick sent Villa into a 2-0 lead against Stoke; a lead they would eventually flush down the drain in the dying embers.

John Terry performs a pretty passable impression of a striker at Stamford Bridge, volleying home Chelsea’s first in a 2-1 win over Wigan.

Terry: "This is how it's done Didier"

As did Bolton’s Ricardo Gardner, who had only been on the field for a minute when he broke the deadlock with his first touch against Newcastle to secure a nervy 1-0 win for Gary Megson’s side.

And we'll finish with a peach from the Football League, as defender Daniel Fox seals a Coventry win at Norwich, turning Carl Cort inside ou before curling the ball around the keeper into the far corner.

Until next time...

Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Your weekly dose of crackers & clangers

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

FFT.com’s Rob Burnett has sifted through the best and worst of the week’s action..

Well folks, those cheeky footballers have been at it again.

All over the globe they’ve been covering themselves in glory with wonder strikes, or covering themselves in something else entirely with howlers that could probably earn them £250 on You’ve Been Framed.

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

As is traditional we’ll start with a few own goals, and first to Holland where Steve McClaren’s FC Twente benefited from the kind of gaffe that the former England boss is more used to seeing go against him – Sparta Rotterdam’s Sander van Gessel stabbing home this own goal to open the scoring in a 2-1 win for Twente.

Back in the Premier League, and Stoke were heading towards a crucial 2-1 win over Portsmouth until Ryan Shawcross deflected this shot from Hermann Hreidarsson past Thomas Sorenson to give Pompey an injury time equaliser.

"Precisely as I planned!"

Perhaps Millwall’s Richard Duffy felt sorry for bottom-feeders Cheltenham and so decided to divert this right-wing centre from Marley Watkins into his own net. Luckily his teammates were not feeling so charitable and the Lions eventually emerged 3-1 winners, much to Duffy’s relief.

KEEPERS

There was a nasty case of the goalkeeping jitters going around Spain over the weekend.

First, Barcelona glove-man Victor Valdes did his best to help the opposition when he fluffed a clearance straight to Espanyol's Ivan de la Pena, who coolly lobbed him to put the visitors two up at the Nou Camp and on their way to an unlikely 2-1 win.

But not to worry Victor, as Iker Casillas was up to much the same at the Bernabeu when Real Madrid took on Betis. He will have been mightily relieved this poor clearance didn’t cost him.

However, Porto’s Brazilian goalkeeper Helton was feeling just as generous to Diego Forlan, allowing a long range shot from the Atletico Madrid striker to squirm through him in their 2-2 draw.

Ever wondered what ‘Dimitrios Konstantopoulos’ sounds like when being shouted in an angry scouse accent? If you were anywhere near the Cardiff City bench on Sunday you probably would have found out, as Dave Jones was bound to be lamenting his goalkeeper dropping Kyel Reid’s cross over his own line to deny the Bluebirds a win at leaders Wolves.

"Gleeeeeeeeeeb!!"

Plymouth keeper Roman Larrieu was being similarly clumsy as his awful goal kick was latched on to by Sheffield United’s Danny Webber, who strode forward unopposed and slotted ball past a very red-faced keeper.

At least none of those guys actually stuck the ball into the net themselves, unlike Yeovil keeper Josh Wagenaar, who deflected a right-wing cross from Crewe’s John Brayford into his own net to complete a fourth win in five for the League 1 strugglers.

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

This week’s award for most bungling c**k-up goes to the Cagliari defender Diego Lopez and goalkeeper Federico Marchetti for their Chuckle Brothers ‘to me to you’ routine, which allowed Clarence Seedorf to score the winner in a 1-0 win for Milan.

Almost as good is this comedy of errors in a match between Yeovil and Oldham. First the Latics’ Reuben Hazell hits a back-pass beyond out-rushing keeper Greg Fleming, allowing Gavin Tomlin the simplest of finishes to give Yeovil 2-1 lead at Huish Park. But then the Glovers’ Terrell Forbes instantly hands the visitors an equaliser, heading a long ball back and over his own keeper.

There's no ‘i’ in 'team', but there’s two in 'idiot'.

GOL!

Now on to the main course, starting at the unlikely venue of St Mary’s Stadium. Southampton have not enjoyed the best of luck in recent times, but the return of Polish striker Marek Saganowski to the team is now reaping dividends. At home to Preston on Saturday, Saga scored Saints second with this 20-yard larrup…

…and followed it up by picking the ball up in his own half, dancing around half the Preston defence and then nutmegging goalkeeper Andrew Lonergan.

Juninho added to a pretty rough week for Barça by curling a free-kick from a tight angle over Valdes’ head into the far corner.

"Moi? Mwah!"

Also in the free-kick parade is this effort from pantomime villain Cristiano Ronaldo, who was seen kicking Blackburn’s David Dunn and was booked for diving before sending in this beauty to win the game for Manchester United.

‘Super’ Mario Balotelli has only just been restored to the Inter first team by Jose Mourinho. And it’s a good thing he was after this free-kick went past everyone and into the back of the net to win seal a 2-1 win against Bologna.

Next, as precise a free kick as you’ll ever see from Boro’s Stewart Downing as he opens the scoring in a 2-0 FA Cup win over West Ham.

Former Liverpool midifelder Momo Sissoko earned Juventus a 1-0 win thanks to this surging run and goal.

And Fabian Barbiero hammered in a first-time diagonal to put Adelaide 1-0 up against Queensland. As the commentator says: “Route one? Route glorious if you’re an Adelaide Utd fan.” Indeed.

Over at the Bernabeu, Raul swept home majestically from 20 yards to give Madrid number four in a 6-1 mauling of Betis...

...then lobs the Betis keeper from eight yards to make it 5-1. 'Same old Raul, always scoring.'

In a move that will mystify Geordies, Albert Luque (yes, him) flicks nonchalantly home with the outside of the boot from 25 yards to put Malaga 1-0 up at Valladolid.

"Gizza chance - I'm good, honest"

Lazio left-back Aleksandar Kolarov made it 2-0 over Lecce with the sort of shot that normally ends up going out for a throw in. Sweet.

Bayern Munich demolished Sporting Lisbon 5-0 on Wednesday, the pick of the goals being this fine solo effort from Frank Ribery.

And we'll conclude in the English leagues, opening with Jordi Gomez cracking a 20-yarder home late on to seal 3-1 win for Swansea against Doncaster.

Alan Quinn’s peach of a cross-field pass is met by sumptuous first-touch and clinical finish by Jon Walters for Ipswich’s third at QPR. Losing 3-1 isn’t very boutique, Flavio…

While bicycle kicks are not just for Brazilians as Crewe’s Clayton Donaldson proved with this peach which sealed a 3-1 win for lowly Crewe against Huddersfield.

This luscious 25-yard lob from Bury marksman Andy Bishop opened scoring at Gigg Lane as Bury dispatched Notts County 2-0.

And we finish the week with Morecambe, as Stewart Drummond lashes a 30-yarder home away at Aldershot in a 2-0 win for the Shrimps.

But if you thought that finish wasn't half bad, boy you ain't seen nothing yet.

On Tuesday night, 10-man Grimsby were clinging on to a 2-0 lead against Sammy McIlroy's men.

But as the second half trickled on, the visitors eventually made thir numerical advantage count, pulling level at 2-2 before saving the very best until last with Garry Hunter unleashing this stunning volley in injury-time.

Until next time...

Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Does anyone care about the Old Firm any more?

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Last weekend's Celtic-Rangers "clash" was a tepid affair. FFT.com's man in Glasgow, Chris Cope, wonders if that's the shape of things to come...

Glasgow staged its third Old Firm game of the season last Sunday. You’d expect these firecracker games to whip up a frenzy in both fans and pundits alike.

But the 0-0 draw at Parkhead would give a bad name to a damp squib.

It was more like a washed-out parody of the extra-Scotland view of what football north of the border is like: devoid of consisent skill, with sloppiness from corner to corner.

Colourblind TV viewers might have wondered if they were watching Hamilton Accies vs St. Mirren. With players who have enjoyed English and European exposure – Pedro Mendes, Giorgio Samaras, Steven Davis, Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink – much more was expected of this game.

Or was it? Gordon Strachan’s and Walter Smith’s pre-match press conferences revealed that both managers were content with a draw.

A draw? In an Old Firm game? That’s akin to saying you want your newborn child to become a petty thief living in a run-down hovel cooking beans in a Pot Noodle tub. To quote an oft-used half-time Football Manager pick-up – where’s the passion, lads?

Smith and Strachan watch the clock tick down

Much of the blame will be levelled at Walter Smith’s defensive 4-5-1 system, which all of Scottish football hoped had gone out of vogue last season.

Northern Ireland stick-insect Kyle Lafferty drew the short straw and was banished to solitary confinement up front – possibly the loneliest job in the world, second to an ice-cream van driver in Siberia.

Is this an indictment of the modern games between the blue and green sides of Glasgow?

Perhaps playing each other four times a season with inevitable additional cup battles has led to oversaturation of the derby. Down in England, the blockbuster games gain extra impetus because of their rarity.

Have we crawled so far away from rough-and-tumble likes of Souness and McStay that we’re left with McGeady and Lafferty to strike fear into the opposition?

Barry Ferguson and Neil Lennon have been known to enjoy a friendship; bastions of their clubs, bodies coursing with blue and green blood, saliva and other bodily fluids. But are their days numbered?

The previous Old Firm game ended in a 1-0 Celtic win at Ibrox. The home side had half an hour to hit back, but Artur Boruc walked through the game largely untested, with Rangers limping to the final whistle like a team whose ingenuity and passion had deserted them in a time of need.

In the last few seasons, the Glasgow derbies have had all the panache of a Paul Le Guen masterplan. It was up to the unlikeliest of men to provide a bit of entertainment, the erstwhile Ugo Ehiogu, with an acrobatic overhead kick. It must be yoga or something.

Ugo Ehiogu? Scoring a with bicycle kick?

It all seems a very long time since 2002, when a 3-3 draw in the East End of Glasgow yo-yo’d between blue and green. The next clash – a 3-2 home win for Rangers – pulsated from start to finish after a first-minute Chris Sutton strike.

And let’s not forgot those two obscurely outlandish results of 2000. The Millennium bug-addled defenders needed a reboot as Celtic won 6-2 at Parkhead (with Fernando Ricksen tugged off the pitch by his manager after only 20 minutes), before Rangers returned fire with a 5-1 blast at Ibrox.

Sure, this season’s opening derby ended 4-2 with two red cards. Passion was evident in the stands and on the field, with Kenny Miller a man reborn in front of fans who may have temporarily believed him to be the best player in the history of football.

Maybe every Old Firm game needs a player returning to his first side after having played for the others. Maybe Sunday’s dreary derby was just a blip. Or maybe the passion really is seeping away.

Perhaps, Smith and Strachan are more than happy to play out tepid draws, not wanting to risk defeat, and rely on the other SPL teams to pick away at their Old Firm rival.

Kenny Miller kills off former club in 4-2 win

More teams than ever are stealing points from Rangers and Celtic, so why lose further ground, and the fans’ patience, by slipping up against your greatest enemy?

“The Old Firm managers have said in the past, quite rightly so, that the games between Rangers and Celtic decide the league,” Kilmarnock manager Jim Jeffries said recently. “Not any more.” Maybe, just maybe, Jeffries is bang on the money.

The supporters will always look forward to the game, for this is the Old Firm, and there’ll always be a little something magical about this fixture.

Let’s just hope that the players and their managers remember that.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: The week's best balls ups & blockbusters

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Rob Burnett rounds up the week's best goals and gaffes from around the world...

In this week’s Video Stars we have a veritable cornucopia of horrendous howlers and superlative strikes so let’s dive right in before they get away!

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

Own goals are so unsatisfying. Often there is an awkward pause while everyone tries to work out what’s happened while the team who has benefited run around unsure who to celebrate with.

Meanwhile the unfortunate soul who has put it in at the wrong end has to make do with pitying slaps on the back from his team-mates.

Swansea fans will be hoping Garry Monk doesn’t make a habit of knocking the ball past his own keeper as he did on Saturday to hand Fulham an undeserved lead in their FA Cup tie at the Liberty Stadium.

"MONKY'S!!!!! Oh dear"

We all love a player executing a diving header at an altitude of six inches, and all the better when it sails into his own net. Braga's Orlando Sa did just that, handing Leixoes a 1-0 lead.

While Valencia defender Raul Albiol arrived at the near post first to level for Malaga with this stab past his own keeper from close range.

With many own goals, the offending player is often simply in the way of the ball and deflects it in, but once in a while you come across an OG that appears entirely intentional.

Step forward Giorgio Lucenti of Serie B side Frosinone, who gifted Parma a last-minute winner with this effort on Tuesday to make it 2-1. Sheer class, just at the wrong end.

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

None of the Bologna defenders would have been able to look their manager in the eye after they made a right old spaghetti Bolognese out of dealing with this ball to allow Marco di Viao of Napoli to equalise.

The next clip from Godoy Cruz’s 2-1 win over San Lorenzo in Argentina really is a lesson in how not to defend, as the Godoy defence makes a right old Titus Shambles of dealing with a long ball from the San Lorenzo keeper.

After failing to challenge for the first ball and allowing it to bounce towards the edge of the box, the glove-man then misses the ball before, defender, Gabriel Valles whacks his attempted clearance straight into the keeper and thence into the net.

The Three Stooges would have been proud of that one.

KEEPERS

Command your area! Not like Bielefield's keeper Dennis Eilhoff, who came flapping out for a Hamburg free kick taken by Piotr Trochowski which sailed straight over him and in.

Facing Lyon, Le Havre's keeper Christophe Revault could be forgiven for conceding a brilliant Juninho free-kick – but this killer third goal wasn't it.

"I didn't see that coming." "Neither did he!" "Lolz."

While Pacos Ferreira glove-man Cassio made a right hash of dealing with Benfica's Oscar Cardozo. Luckily for the keyboard-monickered net-minder, his mates saved the day with a 3-2 win.

Raul became Real Madrid’s record goalscorer at the weekend after bagging a brace in a 4-0 win at Sporting Gijon.

Judging by Gijon keeper Inaki Lafuente’s effort at a ‘save’ from Higuain, he was keen to help Raul add to his tally as the Madrid man tucked the ball home for the easiest goal of his 309 in the famous white shirt.

And in the UEFA Cup, Copenhagen keeper Jesper Christiansen hands Manchester City the easiest of leads at the Parken Stadium, allowing Nedum Onuoha's miserable shot to squirm under his body. A 100%, solid gold, howler extraordinaire.

MEET THE MISSES

Coventry’s Aron Gunnarsson rightly had his head in his hands after heading a set-piece atrociously wide from six-yards at Blackburn.

But it was topped by two c**k-ups in the same match, as Trinidad and Tobago let a 2-0 lead slip against El Salvador, largely thanks to two misses from Stern John and Kenwyne Jones.

First John skies a penalty Chris Waddle-style before Jones manages to miss an open goal from four yards out.

GOL!

Occasionally footballers do manage to get it right and pull off something which, as the old cliché goes, is worth the entrance fee alone.

We’ll start our round-up of the week’s best goals at Hamburg, who scored a second against Bielefeld thanks to this great Paulo Guerrero left-foot curler from the edge of the box.

Rio Ave may have lost at Porto, but at least they got to witness Fabio Coentrao cut in from the right, roll the ball under his foot, beat two players and curl home this left-footed beauty.

Valladolid's Pedro Leon also saw his best efforts go to waste. After opening the scoring against Almeria with this fabulous free kick, his side eventually lost 3-2.

Next, Bochum's Mimoun Azouagh crashes home a dipping outswinger as his side came from behind to beat Schalke 2-1.

While in Portugal, Benfica's Angel di Maria loops in a 30-yard diagonal left-footer to make it 3-1 against Pacos Ferreira.

And after opening the scoring for Spain against England just days earlier, David Villa swipes home a belter for Valencia against Malaga.

Also in La Liga, Negredo floats home a clever lob to complete nine-man Almeria's remarkable win from two down against Valladolid.

Over in Oz, Melbourne's Tommy Pondeljak volleys home a delightful chipped ball from Carlos Hernandez (who made two others and scored himself) as the Victory eased into the Grand Final by crushing Adelaide 4-0.

Back in Blighty, Blackburn striker Roque Santa Cruz may want a move away from Ewood Park, but while he’s around he might as well crash in the odd sweet strike like this one against Coventry in the FA Cup.

But Aron Gunnarsson wasn't to be upstaged, atoning for his earlier miss with a 25-yard piledriver to haul the Sky Blues level.

"Wallop!"

Elsewhere in the Cup, Jason Scotland earned Swansea a replay with Fulham with a neat spin in the box and smash past Mark Schwarzer, his 12th goal in as many games.

While in League 1, Millwall's James Henry denied struggling Swindon a valuable away win at the New Den, smashing home a 30-yard rocket in injury-time to rescue a point for the Lions.

Picture the scene. It’s the last minute, the keeper’s come up for a corner, the breakaway’s on, what you need is a speed-merchant.

Step forward – at pace – Bristol City's Ivan Sproule, who legged it virtually the full length of the pitch to score from a yard on a last-minute counter-attack against Southampton.

Birmingham City fans may now have forgiven Keith Fahey’s previous stint with Aston Villa after his cute chip from an acute angle sealed victory in a 2-0 win against Nottingham Forest.

"Wahey!" "No, Fahey."

While the brilliantly-named CSKA Moscow player Vagner Love showed just why David Moyes is apparently so keen to bring him to Everton with a corker against Aston Villa.

After playing a one-two with Alan Dzagoez, the Brazilian front-man steamed forward and finished confidently past Brad Guzman in goal. Nice.

AND FINALLY…

While of course we would never find it amusing to see a referee get knocked out cold after getting a ball full in the face, we thought you might so have a look at this from the Lazio vs Torino match on Sunday. One referee was hurt in the making of this film.

Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Last week's list: The strangest (and funniest) sackings

"Roll on, May" - The worst seasons ever

FourFourTwo Team — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

By now, several of you will have realised that your season isn't going to go quite to plan. Some will fear that it could turn out terribly; some will already know it has. But take heart: there's always someone who's done worse. Like this lot...

Stoke City 1984-85
(Old) Division One
P42 W3 D8 L31 F24 A91 Pts17

No wonder the Potters took their time to climb back to English football's top table: they'd had their fingers burnt badly last time they were there. Finishing bottom of the old First Division with what was then the lowest points total ever could be bad luck, but to also claim the fewest ever wins, and lowest number of goals scored, is just plain carelessness.

Stoke’s ’84-85 team was the brown Coventry City away shirt of sides – ugly, unfashionable, and not even funny in an ironic way. So what went wrong? Well, October, for a start. And November. Not to mention December.

Fifteen league games yielded five points, 10 goals, and a solitary win (2-1), against Manchester United, back in the days when they were shite too.

When Bill Asprey departed shamefaced in April, his side had just embarked upon their second 10-game losing streak of the season. Well, why do things by halves?

"This could be our year, lads"

Tasmania Berlin 1965-66
Bundesliga
P34 W2 D4 L28 F15 A108 Pts8

Setting records for being miserable and hapless is bad. Setting records for setting records for being miserable and hapless is just silly. Shamble forward, then, Tasmania Berlin.

Their 1965-66 season saw 12 German league records shattered. A record-breaking winless streak (31 games) included the most losses and longest ever losing streak (10 games), and thereby the fewest wins and draws. That was worth a record-shattering eight points.

Tasmania scored less and conceded more than anyone, ever (including a record 900-minute goal drought); and their top scorer netted two (also a recor… oh, you get the idea). And their lowest-ever average attendance included the smallest-ever Bundesliga crowd – 827 spectators, who were presumably killing time while their hot baths were being run.

Accrington Stanley 1959-60
Division Three (North)
P46 W11 D5 L30 F57 A123 Pts27

In the company of such rampant haplessness, 11 wins seems vaguely respectable – although 123 goals conceded is dismal by any standard. But Stanley’s season was more about context than statistics. In a fit of hubris the previous year, the directors spent £1,420 on buying one of Aldershot’s stands, and £10,000 on lugging it north. Only it didn’t fit, so no one could see the pitch (which may actually have been the plan all along).

A grand stand: Peel Park post-closure

Most of the club’s fans chipped off to watch Blackburn, who were better; the revenue loss crippled the club, and inspirational manager Walter Galbraith resigned in protest at having his budget cut.

New boss Harold Bodie saw almost all of his senior players leave, along with most of the remaining fans, understandably reluctant to sit in a rubbish stand and watch pap. Stanley were duly relegated in 24th place, the club folding in March 1962.

Swindon Town 1993-94
Premiership
P42 W5 D15 L22 F47 A100 Pts30

Remember D:Ream? ‘Thiiiiings… can only get betterrrrrr?’ Worked for New Labour in 1997, but it had made a mockery of Swindon Town before that. With six points from their (winless) first 15 games, things couldn’t get worse for newly-promoted, Hoddle-less Swindon.

Except they could, with the severest of thrashings at Everton (6-2), Aston Villa (5-0) and Newcastle (7-1). No team had conceded 100 top-flight goals in 31 years. Until Swindon’s 5-0 last-day tonking at home to Leeds, that is. When the fifth and 100th goal flew in, the County Ground erupted with sarcastic approval.

Darwen 1898-99
(Old) Division Two
P34 W2 D5 L27 F22 A141 Pts9

Old football was rubbish, but Darwen’s fin de siecle was diabolical. Finishing bottom, they let in 141 goals – an average of 4.14 per game, still a League record. In losing an astounding 27 of their 34 matches, Darwen endured three 10-0 thrashings, at the hands of Walsall, Manchester City and – most tellingly – Loughborough, also godawful, who finished second from bottom.

In an interesting coda, Sunderland narrowly failed – despite their best efforts while straddling the Premiership and Division One in 2003 – to match Darwen’s 18-game losing streak. Which proves that old football may have been rubbish, but ineptitude is timeless.

East Stirlingshire 2003-04
Scottish Division Three
P36 W2 D2 L32 F30 A118 Pts8

“I cannot think of a worse season that anybody has ever had,” muttered Ian Ramsay, chairman of East Stirlingshire’s supporters club, as his beloved team slumped to their 30th defeat in 33 games. “Even the old guys cannot think of a worse performance.” After the board cut player wages from £30 to £20 a week, and most of the better players had done one, the team could only attract 100 supporters a week.

“I’m not [here] to make a clown of myself,” alleged manager Dennis Newall, but he might as well have strapped on the size 28s and started honking with gay abandon. Victory over Elgin City averted the stigma of being literally the worst Scottish team ever, a mark set by Clyde (P18 W2 D0 L16 GD-46). But that was in 1900, and everyone who can remember that is now dead.

But East Stirling's story proves that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't always the light of an oncoming train.

As we write this blog, the Shire sit proudly in a play-off spot with genuine hope. So although 2004 was a bad year, there was better to come. And to those who point out that the Shire also finished bottom in 2005, 2006 and 2007, we politely remind you that, like we say, there's always someone worse off than you...

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...

Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: The week's best and worst clips

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 11:45:00 GMT

FFT.com's Rob Burnett rounds up the week's best – and worst – videos

Welcome, dear readers, to this week’s collection of humdingers and howlers as we chart the eternal quest of the world’s footballers to contrive to entertain in the most brilliant and the most ridiculous fashion: it’s Video Stars.

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

Let’s do the clangers before the bangers because, let’s face it, they’re often more fun. And there's nothing more fun than an own goal.

Firstly, lucky old Marseille prove you don’t even have to score to win as Bordeaux’s Maroune Chamakh heads into his own net to give OM a 1-0 win and himself a red face.

Chamakh (right): "Je suis desolée!"

And there must have been something dans l'eau because St Etienne defender Mouhamadou Dabo really went the extra mile to score for Caen. Turned by the visitors' midfielder Ben Khalfallah, Dabo set off in hot pursuit; when Khalfallah shot straight at the St Etienne keeper, Dabo was first on the scene to tuck home the rebound for a comedy oggy.

However, the best own goal of the week came from dear old Blighty, Hartlepool to be exact, as Walsall skipper Anthony Gerrard - cousin of Stevie - loses his footing and screws the ball into the top corner of his own net when attempting to hoof a clearance out of the ground.

Virgin Media were even kind enough to name Gerrard their 'Clown of the Week' and reproduce the clip accompanied by some circus-like music. Tremendous.

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE

Defenders don't always get the glory they deserve. PSV defender Carlos Salcido deserved kudos for slicing haplessly over his own keeper at Volendam, but Rowin van Zaanen greedily tapped home instead.

That was a mere consolation at the end of a 5-3 away win, but comic defenders can prove impressively unalert right from the off. Take Bayern Munich’s Martin Demichelis spectacularly failing to intercept a first-minute through-ball with either foot or head, begging Dortmund's Nelson Valdez to score.

Those who demand a cohesive defensive unit working toward a common goal – for the opposition – will be proud of how Sporting's backline combine to make a right old show of dealing with some Braga pressure.

KEEPERS WEEPERS

It's not always their own men who make keepers look stupid. Sometimes they manage it all by themselves. Leixoes' brilliantly-named Brazilian Chumbinho shows Trofense keeper Paulo Lopes why you shouldn't leave your near post unguarded, even if the free-kick is within 10 yards of the corner flag.

For the consistent goalkeeper, one mistake isn't enough. NAC Breda’s Jelle ten Rouwelaar is less total football and more total c**k-up as first of all he fumbles a shot allowing Smarsson to put Heerenveen 2-1 up, then palms a corner into the thick of the six-yard box for the inevitable 3-1.

Bit of advice: Don't go for a nice hike roud the box for no reason. Or you'll end up like Nice goalie David Ospina against Lyon. And if you're going to have a barnet as bad as Sochaux keeper Teddy Richert, don't turn your place of work into the stage for a comedy of errors.

Finally, remember you're in the Goalkeeper's Union. So if you witness your opposite number gift a clearance straight to a hungry striker, as Getafe's Jacobo did to Espanyol's Ivan Alonso, make sure you level it up like Cristian Alvarez did by flapping at a cross a few minutes later.

Alvarez: "¡Lo siento!"

MEET THE MISSES

The most significant miss of the week has to be the early scoop from John Terry; Mr Reliable may have supported Luiz Felipe Scolari but the ensuing 0-0 was the last Chelsea game the Brazilian presided over. Of course, no such nonsense would ever occur in a team managed by Jose Mourinho. Ask Inter’s Maicon.

One more thing: keep your eyes on the prize. When you've rounded the keeper – known in Pundit Cliché World as "doing the hard bit" – don't waft high, wide and ugly, like Lorient's Kevin Gameiro.

GOL!

After all those gaffes you’d be forgiven for thinking all footballers are concrete-footed clodders capable only of spectacular buffoonery. Let’s have a look at the week’s top goals to redress the balance.

First up, remember the old Villa midfielder Thomas ‘Der Hammer’ Hitzlsperger? Leverkusen keeper Rene Adler won’t: watch as the Stuttgart midfielder’s 20-yard free kick nearly decapitates him.

Hitzlsperger: "Bosh!"

Also fond of putting his foot through the ball is Slovenian Dalibor Stevanovic, judging by the way he hammers Vitesse Arnhem 2-1 up against Ajax. Answers on a postcard if you can work out what his celebration is all about…

View this virtuoso Vucinic volley, which puts Roma 2-0 up against Genoa after a great run from Daniele de Rossi. Indeed it was a vintage weekend for Roma goals – watch Julio Baptista motoring down the wing, cutting inside and WALLOP!

Remember Chumbinho making a chump of Paulo Lopes? See him doing it again by curling home brilliantly from the edge of the box. Those who prefer a loopy swirling lob should check out Bayern-bound Monchengladbach kid Alexander Baumjohann against Hoffenheim.

But while Vitoria Guimaraes’s Joao Fajardo will probably claim this looping goal against Maritimo was a shot rather than a cross, he’s not fooling anyone.

Also evidently able to score from distance is in-form PSG’s Stephane Sessigna, judging by this 20-yard effort at Nantes. Dig it out and dig it in, son. And while Ligue Un's top scorer Andre-Pierre Gignac is hardly the sveltest striker you ever saw, he puts all his weight behind this 25-yard lasher for Toulouse v Le Mans to cap a 2-0 win.

Splendidly-named Sparta Rotterdam player Rydell Poepon batters home from 30 yards after having a free kick rolled into his path – a tactic also used to excellent effect by Utrecht's Ali Boussaboun against ADO Den Haag.

This week’s overhead kick comes from the Greek Super League, specifically Emmanouil Papasterianos of Iraklis who notched against Ergotelis.

And finally – while that sort of behaviour is a dim and distant memory for him now – we can’t finish without dofing the hat to Ryan Giggs rolling back the years at West Ham, dummying defenders before sneaking his shot through a crowded penalty area. Llongyfarchiadau i Ryan!

Giggs: "Diolch yn fawr!"

Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

The strangest (and funniest) sackings of all time

FourFourTwo Team — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Tony Adams isn’t the only man to get the boot in strange and/or unfortunate circumstances, as Rob Burnett discovers…

Poor old Tony Adams. Getting the sack is never nice, but apparently Pompey chief executive Peter Storrie broke the news to Big Tone while he was at his five-year-old son’s birthday party.

Let’s hope it was before young Atticus Adams blew the candles out, so he could wish for his dad to get a new job.

Big Tone prepares to break the bad news about the train set

The timing from Storrie was bad, but Adams is far from the only man in football to have suffered such a tragicomic sacking. Here’s half a dozen other howlers.

Trevor Francis, Crystal Palace

Palace chairman Simon Jordan insists he doesn’t enjoy sacking people. “I don’t think it’s funny or clever to sack people,” he said once, despite the fact that he’s on his eighth manager in his nine-year tenure at the club.

Maybe he doesn’t think it’s clever, but one of his sackings was certainly funny. “Trevor Francis didn’t take it very well,” Jordan recalled. “He just sat there quietly and said ‘But it’s my birthday’. I had no idea. What could I do? I said ‘Many happy returns, Trev,’ and gave him his P45.”

He’s all heart.

Leroy Rosenior, Torquay United

Former Fulham, QPR and West Ham striker Leroy Rosenior made the record books in 2007 for his all-too-brief stint in charge of Torquay United.

Owner Mike Bateson brought Rosenior back to Plainmoor for a second spell in charge in May 2007 but just 10 minutes after he had been unveiled to the press Rosenior was told the club had been sold and he was sacked.

“I did the press conference on Thursday, I did all the interviews, and within 10 minutes, Mike called me to let me know he had sold the club. It was something that I knew was going to happen – but I didn't think it was going to happen after 10 minutes," he said.

Barry Fry, Barnet

When London ticket tout ‘Fat’ Stan Flashman bought Barnet FC in 1985 and saved the club from going out of business, he was hailed as a hero. Under his chairmanship the club initially flourished, even winning promotion to the Football League in 1991

But behind the scenes, all was not well, especially between Flashman and manager Barry Fry. The pair frequently came to blows, once after Fry had told Flashman “you don’t know a goal line from a clothes line.”

It was rumoured Fry was sacked and reinstated eight times. but Fry knows the truth is very different. "I've always said the most important relationship at any football club is the one between a manager and chairman,” he said last month. “And when I was at Barnet, Stan Flashman sacked me 37 times in nine years.”

Barry fails to take his latest sacking seriously

Martin Jol, Tottenham Hotspur

The 'jolly' Dutchman must be one of very few managers to find out he was being fired during a match.

Despite proving himself as one of Tottenham’s best coaches in years, guiding the team to two consecutive fifth place Premier League finishes in 2006 and 2007, a bad start to the following season meant the club began to look around for alternatives, settling on Juande Ramos.

Chairman Daniel Levy and the board had already decided to give him the old heave-ho before a UEFA Cup match against Getafe at White Hart Lane. They were going to inform him after the tie, but the news leaked out and a friend sent a text to Jol with the bad news midway through the game.

Bad news travels fast and soon the whole ground knew and began chanting for their fallen boss.

Jol returned the compliment later, saying succinctly: “I shall never forget the Spurs fans.”

Terry Howard, Leyton Orient

Comedy sackings aren’t the sole preserve of football managers. The players are by no means immune, either – as Leyton Orient defender Terry Howard found out to his cost in 1994 when he was fired at half-time by manager John Sitton.

After a particularly dire first half Sitton let rip at his players in the dressing room. “You’re a f***ing disgrace!” he screamed at his charges as he began to crack up completely. “When I tell you to do something, you do it!”

He saved most of his wrath for Howard though, telling him: “You come and see me tomorrow, you’ve got a fortnight’s notice because that performance is the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

The whole thing was captured on film for Channel 4’s documentary A Club for a Fiver and after the incident Sitton uttered his thoughts in front of a camera.

“Terry’s an ex-teammate of mine who I like very, very much,” he said. “He’s good company when you go for a night out – but as a manager and a coach he’s not what I’m looking for.

“I may have lost a friend,” he concedes with a masterpiece of understatement.

Ahn Jung-Hwan, Perugia

South Korean player Ahn Jung-Hwan became a national hero when he scored the golden goal that knocked Italy out of the 2002 World Cup and set up a quarter-final clash for the co-hosts with Spain.

But not everyone was quite so happy. Luciano Gaucci, president of Italian club Perugia where Ahn was on loan, sacked the forward for his part in Italy’s elimination.

Ahn puts South Korea in the quarters, and himself out of a job

Gaucci told Italian sports daily La Gazzetta dello Sport: “That gentleman will never set foot in Perugia again. I am a nationalist and I regard such behaviour not only as an affront to Italian pride but also an offence to a country which two years ago opened its doors to him.

“I have no intention of paying a salary to someone who has ruined Italian soccer.”

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...

Why Scolari couldn’t save The Damned Chelsea

FourFourTwo Team — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Theory 1: Scolari was the New Clough

Roughly seven weeks from now, The Damned United will open in cinemas up and down the country.

Adapted from David Peace’s darkly brilliant novel imagining Brian Clough’s torrid 44-day reign at Leeds United, it’s entertaining enough – when was Old Big ’Ead not? – but lighter and fluffier than the book, so not in the same league.

Watching it a few weeks ago, though, a thought did cross FourFourTwo’s mind – a thought that came crashing back in with the summary dismissal of Luiz Felipe Scolari on Monday afternoon.

And that thought is this – that in 2009, Scolari is playing the part of Brian Clough, damned in his doomed attempt to follow a club legend (Mourinho/Revie) who had become a cult at the club after guiding it to unheard of success.

There’s flimsy circumstantial evidence to back up the theory. Just as Cloughie kept on raiding his Derby team for reinforcements, so Scolari seemed intent on signing every Portugal player he could get his hands on. And without the transfer restrictions, who could say for sure that Helder Postiga and Nuno Gomes wouldn’t have joined Deco, Bosingwa and Quaresma at Stamford Bridge?

But there are also louder whispers, echoes from history, backed up by FourFourTwo’s sources close to the Blues.

Admittedly the Brazilian didn’t walk into the dressing room on his first morning at the club and call JT and Lamps "cheating b******s". As the results become a millstone, he didn't set fire to the furniture. But nor did he walk in with a Don Revie-style dossier on the opposition. And that, it seems, was the root of his problem.

That gap's only gonna get wider...

Because while Chelsea’s results have undoubtedly been getting poorer as the season has gone on, that’s merely a symptom of a deeper problem: that the players have failed to adjust to Scolari’s laid-back approach.

Under Jose Mourinho, Chelsea’s egotistical superstars didn’t have to think, and footballers – especially English footballers, sadly – rather like that state of affairs. Witness Fabio Capello’s reinvigoration of England with a few strict rules like "no ketchup". Under Scolari, they were given the freedom to think. And look what happened.

With Jose – like Revie – everything was planned with military precision (think of a really good army here. Not for example, San Marino). Every player knew exactly what he was – and wasn’t – supposed to do. He’d been told how his opponent would play, what to look out for, how to deal with him. If he did it, fine. If he didn’t, he’d be substituted/dropped/sold.

If a player got injured and another player came on, the team already knew how that would affect their shape and their tactics. It was a fool-proof system.

Under Scolari (like Clough), it was off the cuff. Training was more relaxed. Players could ‘express themselves’. Dossiers were those blokes down the dole office. It worked with Brazil, it worked with Portugal – it even worked in the short-term with Chelsea. For a while there, the players looked freer, happier, easier on the eye.

But in the end it bred too much uncertainty among a group of players who needed to know in minute detail what was required.And so Scolari failed at Chelsea, just as Clough failed at Leeds. His team scored more goals, but looked like ending up empty-handed.

Roman Abramovich’s next appointment might want to consider the old saying: Damned if you do, damned if you don’t

Theory 2: Fergie knows best

That’s one theory. Another, equally plausible explanation was given by Sir Alex Ferguson back when the season had just kicked off.

Leafing through a pre-season copy of the Racing Post, the normally mild-mannered Scot felt his blood begin to boil.

“Every analyst in there was tipping Chelsea for the title,” Ferguson recalled. “One guy wrote: ‘The reason is Scolari is in town.’ He said Scolari will not be intimidated by me. He suggested that Wenger, Mourinho and Avram Grant couldn’t ‘handle me’.

“The paper mentions me as having ‘had a go’ at Chelsea by saying that a team [with players] over 30 can’t win the league, which is absolute rubbish. I never said that. What I did say was that a team over 30 doesn’t improve a lot. But Chelsea, given their performance last season, don’t have to improve a lot to win it.

Scolari: If it stinks so bad...

“Then, the same writer argues that Scolari is a better manager than me. I’m not so arrogant as to believe that’s impossible. Scolari may be a better manager than I am. But how can a sensible writer say that about a guy who has never managed in England? If you look at Scolari’s CV, he has managed about 17 teams.”

Fergie had actually forgotten Brazil and Portugal. But between 1982 and 2001, Scolari had indeed coached 17 teams: (deep breath) CSA, Juventude, Brasil de Pelotas, Al-Shabab, Brasil de Pelotas, Juventude, Grêmio, Goiás, Al Qadisiya, Kuwait, Criciúma, Al-Ahli, Al Qadisiya, Grêmio, Júbilo Iwata, Palmeiras and Cruzeiro.

Yes, he won the World Cup. Yes, he reached the Euro 2004 final. But in the end – as was proved in Chelsea's possibly pivotal 3-0 capitulation at Old Trafford last month – he just wasn’t good enough.

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...

NEWS: Chelsea fire World Cup winner Scolari

NEWS: Scolari the victim of Terry penalty miss

NEWS: Big Phil suffers rare coaching setback

NEWS: Agent: No chance of Hiddink joining Chelsea

Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: The week's best shockers & stunners

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 12:00:00 GMT

FFT.com rounds up the brilliance and buffoonery from the world of football. Enjoy…

OOPS!

Right, who wants to see a free-kick bounce off the post and smack into a helpless goalkeeper's face?

If you don't, you're in the wrong blog. If you do, watch Central Coast Mariners gloveman Danny Vukovic unwittingly use his fizzog to deny Adelaide's Lucas Pantelis.

Fiorentina’s keeper Sebastien Frey won’t want to watch replays of him allowing Luigi Vitale’s left wing cross to sneak in at his near post, but you can right here. His howler allowed Napoli to equalise but Frey was grateful to Riccardo Montolivo for nabbing a winner for Fiorentina 10 minutes from time.

Frey: "Oops"

Pity poor Cesar Sanchez. Having spent much of the season with his gloves unsullied under the Spurs bench as Heurelho Gomes kept us all entertained, he fled back to Spain to help out Valencia when their first-choice No.1 Renan got injured.

So imagine his delight when gaffer Unai Emery instead gave a debut to 21-year-old Vicente Guaita – who promptly fumbled a Mallorca shot to put the islanders into a lead they never lost.

Another north London emigre Pascal Cygan also had an effective weekend for the opposition. The former Arsenal defender, now at Villarreal, wafted a leg at an average cross to let in bottom club Osasuna's striker Dani for a vital equaliser.

Sporting Gijon skipper Jorge is becoming something of a regular on this blog with his heroic efforts to ensure the failure of his own team by scoring an own goal for the past two weeks running.

Now it seems he has taken to merely turning provider for his opponents and this week he fluffed a back-header for Getafe's Soldado to make it 1-0.

Cygan: "Doh"

And we conclude with a Frank Ribery penalty masterclass, as the Frenchman achieved the seemingly impossible by looking like more of a wally than Stuttgart’s former Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann. The German didn’t have to move a muscle as he simply caught Ribery’s chipped effort.

OGGY OGGY OGGY!

Players have been positively queueing up to appear in this week's own-goal honours list, so we'll start with Newcastle (not that one, Geordies…) Jets' Mike Milligan (not that one, Oldham fans...) helpfully turning a Sydney FC cross into his own net.

In Spain, former West Ham and Spurs front-man Frédéric Kanoute does what all good strikers do best, nipping in at the far post and beating "Serbian giant" (TM) Nikola Zigic to give Racing Santander a 2-0 lead against Sevilla.

With form like that could he be the next former Spur Harry Redknapp tries to lure back to White Hart Lane for an inflated fee?

Back in Blighty, there's nothing like being top of the table to steady your nerves, as Wolves’ defender Neill Collins demonstrates by gifting Reading a crucial win at the Madejski Stadium after just 61 seconds

He then got sent off late on for saying something rude to the assistant referee. So, all in all, a good night’s work.

Collins: OG, then OFF

Bournemouth's Danny Hollands was in the thick of the action at both ends as the Cherries entertained fellow points-deduction sufferers Luton at Dean Court, first bundling a cross into his own net before making amends with a goal at the right end.

While the best own goal of the lot didn't even go down as an OG, as promotion-chasing Millwall took the lead at struggling Hereford.

Tony Craig was credited with the opening goal at Edgar Street on Tuesday night, but watch the replay closely, and you'll discover that his header from a corner actually ricochets back off Bulls' midfielder Toumani Diagouraga's face and loops into his own net. Harsh!

GOL!

Away from howlers and growlers now, as it's time to marvel at the booms, whacks and downright pieces of genius from the past seven days.

And we start with Nacional's Brazilian Nene, volleying a 30-yard lob over stranded Sporting keeper Rui Patricio. Magnifique!

David Beckham has been making the headlines (for a change) after scoring his first goal in Italy.

But his strike was just the cherry on a 4-1 win-shaped cake for Milan at Bologna. The main ingredients supplied by Kaka who scored twice - his second (and Milan's third) being a left-foot larrup from 20 yards.

And not being content with just the one goal in a week, Goldenballs popped up with another, far more conventional, goal for the Rossonieri midweek against Genoa at the San Siro, curling home a trademark free-kick.

Becks: Doing what he does best

Next, Perth Glory's Nikita Rukavytsya takes his time in a crowded Queensland penalty area to work the ball onto his favoured left foot and lash it inside the far post.

While left-sided Belgian-Italian Sebastien Pocognoli finishes off a fine team move for Louis van Gaal's all-conquering AZ (eight straight wins without conceding a goal) to make it 2-0 and seal three points against De Graafschap.

Returning to Italian shores, Udinese's Simone Pepe bends in a 25-yard free kick early doors at former team Palermo to set up a 3-2 win for his new employers.

But is it as good as a goal as Chievo's patriotically named Vincenzo Italiano, who first-times a pulled-back corner from 30 yards in the last minute to seal an away win at Reggina.

Remember Danny Tiatto? A short Queensland Roar corner finds him unmarked to lash a 25-yarder into the far corner against Perth Glory. Far better than anything he ever pulled off for Leicester or Manchester City.

In Spain, Jose Barkero cracks home a left-footed free-kick for Numancia at Barcelona. Unfortunately they still ended up on the wrong end of a 4-1 hiding dished out by Messi & co.

While over in Malaga, midfield ace Apono spanks in this great 30-yard drive to put his side 1-0 up against Atletico Madrid.

In the last few weeks here on Video Stars, we may have been rather quick to draw attention to some of Artur Boruc’s mishaps while keeping goal for Celtic.

So it seems only fair we give him his due for the part he played in beating Dundee United 11-10 on penalties in the CIS Cup Semi Final on Wednesday night. Boruc coolly dispatched his own spot-kick with a side-footer right into the top corner.

Imagine scoring the best goal of your career, from 40-yards, only for it to happen in a meaningless match in a deserted stadium so no one will ever remember it.

That's exactly what happened to poor old Mario Haas of Sturm Graz this week during a friendly against Dinamo Bucharest, when he scored from the far touchline.

But we save the very best until last, readers, in the form of Swindon Town's goal-machine Simon Cox.

Cox takes aim

'But he's only No.1 because FourFourTwo are sponsoring the Robins this season,' we hear you collectively cry.

'Poppycock' says FourFourTwo. Check out his Dennis Bergkamp-esque touch and 30-yard volley against Walsall. We're pretty sure you'll see sense.

Until next time...

This week's Video Stars written by Rob Burnett. Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home

Video Stars: Goals & gaffes galore from the week just gone

FourFourTwo Team — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:00:00 GMT

There is perhaps only one thing better than watching people who are paid to play football produce a sublime bit of skill or score a spectacular goal.

And that is seeing them make a total hash of it!

We've gathered the very best and worst of the week's goalmouth action right here so you don't have to go searching for it. Isn't that nice...

BACK OF THE WRONG NET

We'll kick off with an own-goal hit parade, with this pearler from Sporting Gijon's Jorge - his second in as many weeks. The defender put Recreativo 1-0 up with this effort, a finish any striker would have been proud of.

Meanwhile in Serie B, Treviso's defence obviously decided they would hand victory to the visitors Bari by scoring two own goals in one game. First William Pianu headed this one past his own keeper, before Luca Mezzano made absolutely sure, tapping home from close range.

The only consolation for Crystal Palace’s Clint Hill was that Ipswich were already leading 3-1 when he expertly headed home from a corner.

Hill: "Sod it"

While Nancy goalie Gennaro Bracigliano didn't stand a chance when defender Andre Luiz shinned this lob over his head to give Toulouse a 1-0 lead.

"KEEPER'S BALL"

Onwards with more howlers we must go, and next we laugh at the last line of defence... goalkeepers.

Former Gooner goalie Alex Manninger, now of Juve, obviously wasn't that bothered about saving this free kick from Cristian Ladesma, choosing to give the ball a friendly wave as it sailed over his head to put Lazio 1-0 up.

Bristol City's Brazilian keeper Adriano Basso was being similarly friendly to this Michael Kightly cross, his cheery wave getting nowhere near the ball, allowing Wolves' Neill Collins the simplest of goals.

And keep watching as Basso followed that up with the worst clearance since the last day at Woolworths, kicking the ball straight at Kightly who played in Matt Jarvis for Wolves’ second.

Anything a Brazilian can do, Barnet's Ran Kadoch can do better. With his side 1-0 up at Underhill the Israeli keeper tried to reach a hopeful punt towards his goal first. He came, he flapped, he missed, and Dagenham's Mark Nwokeji tapped home the equaliser.

Basso: "Bugger it"

While his team were defending a 1-0 lead at the Bernabeu, Osasuna keeper Roberto Fernandez suffered from a terrible case of butter fingers, misjudging this long range effort from Sergio Ramos. Real Madrid added a couple more to wrap up a 3-1 win.\

But pick of this week's keeper calamities comes from Steeve Elana of Brest in the French second division.

Already losing 1-0 to Guingamp in a cup match, Elana came dashing out to clear the ball, but only succeeded in whacking it straight at Guingamp striker Badara Sene who watched as the ball rebounded into the empty net.

MEET THE MISSUS

Harry Redknapp's famous 'arm around the shoulder' routine was nowhere to be seen on Sunday after Darren Bent squandered this chance to give Spurs all three points against Portsmouth.

"My missus could have scored that one," Redknapp said after the game, perhaps wondering if Daniel Levy would sanction a move for her.

Perhaps Bent had been watching Wigan's Amir Zaki at Manchester City when the striker showed how to miss like an Egyptian with this unbelievable header over the bar from barely a yard out.

The Central Coast Mariners were all at sea at the weekend having been sunk 3-0 by the Melbourne Victory, but perhaps they could have thrown themselves a lifeline (all right, we'll stop the nautical jokes now) had unmarked Mariners striker Matt Simon not missed this sitter from eight yards.

Zaki: "Huh?"

GOL!

Despite the evidence above, not all footballers are plodding imbeciles with the coordination of John Sergeant after a bottle of scotch.

Some are capable of some pretty nifty footwork, so let's have a look.

Julio 'the Beast' Baptista showed more skill in one moment than he showed in a whole year with Arsenal when he scored an injury-time bicycle-kick winner for Roma at Torino.

Ajax's Spanish midfielder Gabri waited until five minutes into injury time before making it 4-2 at NEC with this cool lob.

And we'll stay in the Eredivisie with Schteve McClaren's FC Twente, for whom good work from Eljero Elia set up Kenneth Perez to hit the winner against Vitesse with a sweet 20-yard strike.

Baptista magics up three-points for Roma

In France, Monaco's Columbian winger showed the fans why there really is 'only one Juan Pablo Pino' with this great solo effort, twisting two Caen defenders inside out before unleashing a 20-yarder into the far corner.

Former Hammer Paul Konchesky returned to haunt West Ham last weekend with Fulham, crashing home a long-range rocket with his lefty. It brought back memories of his outlandish strike in the 2006 FA Cup final with West Ham, except this time he meant it.

Over in Spain, Real Betis's Sergio Garcia bagged a brace to help his side beat Valladolid 3-1. Both were cool, calm chips over the keeper, one to the goalie's left and, for the benefit of symmetry, the other to his right.

Barcelona hit Deportivo La Coruna for five on Saturday, with boy wonder Leo Messi slaloming his way to the edge of the penalty area before slotting home the opener.

Apparently content to let the young Argentine score all the spectacular goals these days, Thierry Henry added a second with a collectors' item from the Frenchman... a header.

While in Italy, perhaps Bosko Jankovic was trying to be just like Henry when he put Genoa ahead away at Lecce with this exquisite flick from a right wing cross.

Back in Blighty, Leeds fans won't thank us for drawing attention to yet another piece of magic from wonderkid Fabian Delph, lest any watching Premier League scouts try to pry him away from Elland Road.

Delph dazzles for Leeds at Brighton

The big guns have also been sniffing around Cardiff's Joe Ledley and after watching this left-footed volley into the top corner that put his side 1-0 up against Birmingham it's easy to see why.

Giles Barnes has long had his card marked as a star of the future, and where better to show off your skills than Old Trafford?

The Derby midfielder ensured it was a nervy finish for Manchester United with this tasty free kick in injury time of their Carling Cup clash.

This week's Video Stars written by Rob Burnett. Enjoy the weekend's games – and send details of any great goals or gormless gaffes to gary.parkinson@haymarket.com

----------------------------------------------

FourFourTwo.com: More to read...
Inside Track home
Blogs home
News home
Interviews home
Forums home
FourFourTwo.com home