The Big Weekend Preview – Round 21
Saturday 26 January 2008 09:09
Saturday
Sevilla (9th) v Osasuna (14th)
Ten
defeats this season - the third worst record in the league - means that
excitable Sevilla coach, Manuel Jiménez, is almost certainly going to
be thrown into the managerial dumpster over the summer, with a proper,
less bouncy trainer being brought in. The two candidates for this
prestigious post, according to AS, are Espanyol's Ernesto Valverde (the dream choice, apparently) and the miraculous Marcelino of Recreativo and Racing fame.
But
Freddie Kanouté, speaking from the African Cup of Nations, says that it
is the players who are to blame for their current malaise. "We have a
serious problem," he observed with rapier like insight.
José
Maria del Nido, busy hanging on to Luis Fabiano's ankle in a tug of war
with Man City's Svennis, is pointing the finger of blame in Juande
Ramos' direction. "He betrayed us for money!" declared the honest as
they come, charity loving, former lawyer of Jesus Gil. Home win.
Sunday
Racing Santander (6th) Zaragoza (11th)
Zaragoza
begin the fortnight's second bright new dawn for the club, with
grizzled old war horse Javo Irureta at the helm. The former Betis coach
has the second highest number of league matches under his belt as a
coach - after Luis Aragones - so he looks like being the right man to
set Zaragoza back on the straight and narrow.
As long as he is
allowed to kick Andres d'Alessandro from the side, that is - something
that his two predecessors have been unable to do. One can only imagine
that the Argentinean has pictures of a board member in bed with a
donkey and a walnut whip. Draw.
Murcia (18th) v Levante (20th)
If
Levante actually paid salaries, then the club's wage bill would be
lighter by one head, this week. The latest man to leave lowly Levante
is the fitness trainer, Pablo Artico. Even the rats are packing their
tiny rodent suitcases and legging it. Home win.
Mallorca (13th) v Atletico (4th)
What
might have been an emotional return to Getafe, on Wednesday night, by
Mallorca striker Dani Guiza, turned out to have been a little on the
sour side. On Monday, deadly Dani claimed that Getafe still owed him
his bonus for the Copa del Rey final appearance. And this complaint was
the straw that broke the back of Angel Torre's footballing camel.
"I
was so tired of being his nanny," ranted the Getafe president, as he
recalled the forward's spell at the club. "I once had to get up at four
in the morning as he was out and didn't know how to get home...I had to
go to a judge to pay his salary in...he drove without a license...he
used to collect..." Home win.
Valencia (8th) v Almeria (10th)
After
having been 7th or 8th in the league for what seems like decades,
despite having failed to win a game in that time, Valencia have finally
been caught by the stampeding pack of sides looking to avoid
relegation. If Ronald Koeman's men fail to cut the mustard at Mestalla,
on Sunday, then they will joining them.
The big news at the
club, this week, was the ongoing war of words between David Albeda, his
lawyers and Koeman. The maverick midfielder, along with Santiago
Cañizares, broke cover this week with a series of radio and newspaper
interviews where the goalkeeper revealed that he was having
psychological help to get him through the current crisis.
Ronald
Koeman was less than impressed by this claiming that the players
cynically chose their recent defeat at Villarreal to put the boot in to
best effect. On the team news, Ruben Baraja has been ruled out for a
month, which means the midfield duo of Ever Banega and Hedwiges Maduro
- "Albeda with less baggage" according to Marca - are set to start on Sunday. Home win.
Deportivo (19th) v Valladolid (7th)
Another
club whose footballing existence resembles a dodgy Venezuelan soap
opera is Deportivo. This week, Gustavo Munúa fought the law over his
thuggish assault on Dudu Aouate - and the law won, with the goalkeeper
being handed a six month suspended prison sentence and a fine.
But
instead of firing the fist-flinging scumbag, Miguel Angel Lotina - at
the request of the dressing room - has allowed both Munúa and Aoaute to
return to full training. Which must make for a delightful atmosphere.
The
club's bean counters were handed bad news with Albert Luque threatening
to take Deportivo to court for 2.2 million euros, which he claims is an
unpaid bonus from his 14 million euro move to Newcastle. Expect topless
models with collection buckets at Riazor on Sunday. Home win.
Espanyol (5th) v Real Betis (16th)
Ernesto
Valverde must have spent his Christmas walking under ladders, smashing
mirrors and kicking cats of all description around the streets of
Barcelona. Since their return to action, Espanyol have lost twice in
the league, been booted out of the Copa del Rey have now lost Raul
Tamudo for two months with a broken arm.
But to give their
remaining players a much needed shot in the arm for the rest of the
season, the club have struck a deal with the local Ecuadorian community
leaders - a deal which will see 8,000 fans turning up to Montjuic to
help fill the frequently empty stands. Home win.
Recreativo (17th) v Getafe (12th)
La Liga Loca
was either having a funny turn whilst watching the sports news on
Friday, or Getafe have replaced Michael Laudrup with David Boreanaz.
Draw.
Athletic Bilbao (15th) v Barcelona (2nd)
When
former Athletic Bilbao manager, Javier Clemente - a man not blessed
with an enormous amount of cultural sensitivity - took over Serbia, a
few gasps of astonishment were uttered in Spain. But luckily Clemente
failed to restart the Balkan conflict as predicted by many. He also
failed to qualify them for the European Championships.
And this is why Clemente is going to continue on his odyssey through the Axis of Evil by managing Iran - move that raised La Liga Loca's
eyebrows to such an extent that they are still be talked down, a day
later. "The war is in Iraq, not Iran" pointed out the country's new
footballing Ayatollah with a thin grasp of geopolitical understanding.
Real Madrid (1st) v Villarreal (3rd)
La Liga Loca
is feeling particularly triumphant today, as it has successfully
located the LCD Soundsystem cd in FNAC. After a month long search. For
those unfamiliar with FNAC, it is a DVD, book and cd store that has the
thoroughly irritating habit of categorising every band on the planet
into Rock Pop, International, Rock, New Tendencies, Alternative and so
on.
The same process is happening for Real Madrid at the moment,
with the team being branded as lucky, good, good but lucky, good
compared to everyone else and so on. Draw.
or
to add your comments
About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.