Long Live Barça’s new... ‘Show Boys’?!
Monday 13 October 2008 13:00
La Liga Loca is now completely convinced that when the international break comes along, the holiday-happy editorial teams of the Spanish footballing press head for the hills and are replaced by a herd of goats with basic literacy skills. An improvement, many might suggest.
After all, what other explanation can there be for what has been a weekend of both the surreal and very, very silly in the game of Spain.
According to National Geographic, humans may share up to 40% of their gene sequence with lettuce.
La Liga Loca suspects that if a troop of eggheads set course for Catalunya they may find some Mundo Deportivo readers with double that total.
"Hmmm... I love lettuce me"
The Barcelona-barmy paper that manages the admirable achievement of making AS look like a Cormac McCarthy novel in comparison, decided to run a competition asking its ‘readers’ to:
a) Come up with a catchy ‘Dream Team’-style nickname for the new Barcelona squad; and
b) find a friend with opposable thumbs who doesn’t believe computers are the work of demons.
Mundo Deportivo are now under the impression that knocking six past Atletico Madrid is the side’s burning bush-style sign that the dawn of a new era is breaking over the Camp Nou club.
And this happily ignores the fact that Frank Rijkaard achieved the same feat against the rojiblancos a couple of seasons ago in the Vicente Calderón. But the Dutchman was a very bad man, argue the paper’s revisionist writers.
The tiny section of the 2000-odd suggestions sent through to the MD website that the blog could be bothered reading, appear to be split between those who want Barça to sound like an especially camp troupe of male strippers. And monikers suggested by Espanyol fans.
So, Ladies and Gentleman, coming to a football stadium near you are “Pep’s Dream,” “The Next Generation,” “Pep’s Show Boys,” “Superteam Pep,” “Los Babyhouse” or “Pep teamdiola.”
"Roll up, roll up... come and marvel at my Show Boys"
Or, if you are off the Perico persuasion, it's a warm Camp Nou welcome to the “we haven’t won s**t team,” “the a**hole team” or the blog’s particular favourite "the sinportero team” – “the no goalkeeper team.”
Over in Capital City, Madrid-mad Marca were not to be beaten by such Catalan craziness and used the lull in La Liga to promote the must-have gift for all Real Madrid fans. And it’s not the sale of Fernando Gago.
“If you are tired of watching Real Madrid games...” – La Liga Loca feels the paper should have ended the sentence right there, but it continues – “with a boring pizza (LLL – note sly dig at Italy), then this is your big chance.”
Yes, with enough crappy coupons, Madridistas could have their greasy paws on a Real Madrid sandwich toaster. With a non-slip base. An offer that kicks Mundo Deportivo’s offer of an official Barcelona steak knife into touch by some margin.
Another satisfied Marca reader
Not content with this fantastic freebie, the paper went all out on Saturday and brought their readers the exciting exclusive that Real Madrid have come up with an “anti-magnate” plan to stop another repeat of Robinho taking the money and pootling off to the Premier League.
Marca reckons that the club’s newfangled crazy scheme to teach the ‘values of Real Madrid’ will be enough to stop their star players heading to pastures new for three times their current salaries.
Good luck with that one Ramón – a man who fights greed and gluttony wherever he finds it.
And speaking of those two villainous vices, it’s time for Roberto Gómez’s Thought for the Day.
His latest ramblings concern his new BFF, Calderón, but instead of pumping him with praise as is the Marca man’s usual trick, Gómez is upset that the Madrid big cheese has taken the very wise decision to shut his trap over recent weeks.
“This complete silence from Ramón Calderón is a big mistake,” moans Gómez. But Roberto’s frown soon turned upside down once his very own customised double-sized sandwich maker landed on his desk.
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.