Rampant Raúl roars against Irún... sort of
Wednesday 12 November 2008 11:30
Tomás Roncero, Wednesday November 12.
“Another glorious hat-trick from Raúl made it 300 goals in the pristine white shirt of Real Madrid for our Captain Courageous - the shirt that stands for peace and love, puppy dogs and kittens, ham and sangria! Three more goals that show that he is the King, the Don, the Master, the... (what? away goals? Are you fu....)."
And so began mad Tomás’ latest dribble in Wednesday’s AS before being it was pointed out to the manic Madridista that his side had gone out to plucky, lower league Basque battlers, Real Unión, in the Copa del Rey - and when the blog writes ‘gone out’ it means humiliated, dumped, shafted, thrashed...
Third-tier Union make big boys suffer at the Bernabeu
It was a situation so serious that Roncero had to change tack and compare the unforgettable event to the Twin Towers attack and the Madrid bombings as the nearest point of reference.
“The manager carries a lot of blame for the total disaster of this 11N,” babbles the over-the-top AS man.
His colleagues are just as bothered and bewildered by Tuesday’s goings-on in a tie that raised the Copa del Rey from a shrug of indifference in La Liga Loca’s league obsessed world into an eyebrow raised in vague interest.
“What’s going on here!” screams Wednesday’s panic stricken headline, in response to scenes of hankie-waving Madrid fans.
And it’s a similar line taken at Marca which yells CRISIS! very, very loudly from its front page. Unfortunately, since the paper blasts this headline every other day it’s very much a cry-wolf situation with this particular sports daily.
"Come here to me... my precious"
Their radio station reported that the incompetent cabal of Calderón, Pedja Mijatovic and Miguel Angel Portugal - few are sure of what his job title is - met after the game for a get together to discuss what is to be done with their latest scapegoat-in-chief, Bernd Schuster.
And the answer appears to be a good, old-fashioned sacking on Saturday if Madrid fail to beat Valladolid - a match that could also see Real go top of the table.
“I’m not concerned, but I understand others are,” shrugged Schuster in the shortest of press conferences after the game.
And if that is the action to be taken in Castle Greyskull, then a rebellious Marca write in its editorial that “it would be the easiest, but the most cowardly and undeniably the most unfair.”
Instead they pin the tail of blame on Pedja’s ass for refusing to listen to Schuster’s pleas for reinforcements.
But self-proclaimed bessie mate of Fabio Capello, Roberto Gómez writes in his ramblings that the mess is all the fault of the German coach.
“Schuster is losing all of his credit,” claims Gómez - a not unsurprising argument from a gentleman who once declared that Ramon Calderón was one of the most honourable men ever to have walked the earth.
"Hmm, you've really gone and done it now Bernd..."
There is even some sympathy for Schuster’s perilous plight over in Catalunya with Josep Maria Casanovas in Sport predicting an imminent auf wiedersehen to Schuster. “Calderón is ready to sacrifice Schuster to save his own hide.”
Ultimately, all this talk of firings means that it is high time to update La Liga Loca’s Sack Race chart. So far, two managers have fallen... who is next?
4-1 Bernado Schuster (Real Madrid)
5-1 Joaquín Caparrós (Athletic)
6-1 Sergio Kresic (Numancia)
7-1 Javier Aguirre (Atlético Madrid)
9-1 José Antonio Camacho (Osasuna)
35-1 Juande Ramos (Future Real Madrid)
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.