I’m Iker Casillas, Get Me Out of Here....
Wednesday 11 March 2009 10:30
So, it appears the spirit of Juanito had something better to do on Tuesday night.
Preparing some popcorn, perhaps, before settling down to watch Keanu Reeves action flick Spid, the film constantly - and the blog means constantly - being plugged by the Spanish match commentators.
That’s when the hapless trio weren’t otherwise engaged in describing Real Madrid being d*cked on by Liverpool for the whole 90 minutes.
La Liga Loca apologises for such vulgarity, but that’s the expression most used in the Madridista press on Wednesday, as they repeat Real Madrid president Vicente Boluda’s threat of what his side would do to their English opponents in the Champions League clash.
“My players knew what had been said,” confirmed Rafa Benítez after his side’s 4-0 rollicking of Real Madrid, hinting that Boluda’s pompous promise may have given his side extra motivation.
Unsurprisingly, the reaction to the disastrous defeat is met with great hilarity in the Catalan capital, with Sport sticking a predictably poor attempt at a Real Madrid gravestone on their front cover.
“Anfield was Madrid’s cemetery,” yelled a peeing-himself-with-pleasure Josep Maria Casanovas. “There, they buried false hope.”
But it is very much with the doom and gloom in the Madridista press. And a spot of referee-blaming for good measure.
“Iker doesn’t deserve this,” bemoans the front cover of AS. “A total thrashing,” says Marca’s match report.
"¿Que?"
Of the big two papers, it's AS who stick most to the Madrid-loving line, with director Alfredo Relaño arguing very early doors that the first goal was a push on Pepe and the second was not a penalty.
What poor, dithering Alfredo doesn’t understand is that simply falling over and waving your arms at the referee doesn’t constitute a foul outside of Spain, something the likes of Fernando Gago and Pepe seemed unable to comprehend throughout the encounter.
Deeper inside a fairly sombre edition, Juanma Trueba notes soberly that the team that had been made to look very silly indeed was “the same that just won 10 games in a row in La Liga and won the title over the past two years”.
A shell-shocked Tomás Roncero could only scribble that “the referee was the man of the match” and that “Torres knew Anfield was well liked by UEFA” before signing off with the English words, “I want to be alone.”
Marca have shown more cojones than Real Madrid did the previous evening, with Santiago Segurola producing a fine, desk-clearing diatribe blaming the “rise of ‘Nanines’ and second-rate management” for the club’s fifth failed attempt to get through to the Champions League quarter-finals.
Raul attempts to hide up his own behind
And with this jibe, the paper’s chief reporter has hit one particular nail on the head - the club is staffed from top to bottom by hangers-on and half-wits.
His columnist colleague Roberto Gómez noted that a certain Javier Calderón had travelled to Liverpool on the players’ plane and in the VIP box.
For those unfamiliar with the Bernabeu boardroom, Javier is the head of the club’s legal department - the department that messed up over the Huntelaar and Diarra transfers. Javier was also photographed on holiday with many of the fake ‘compromisarios’ who heaped shame upon the club.
Javier also happens to be Ramon Calderón’s brother, but La Liga Loca is sure that he rose to his position on his own merits. But all this is blog fodder for another day.
Nepotistic nuances aside, Tuesday night’s thrashing showed, once again, that Madrid drastically need to adapt their game outside of Spain. Ponderous passes across the midfield simply aren’t possible against the all-powerful Premier League teams. Or BATE Borisov.
It’s no coincidence that the only two outfield players for Madrid that looked vaguely able to cope with the pace of the opposition were Lassana Diarra – a footballer with very recent experience of English football – and Wesley Sneijder, who possesses one of the quickest minds (and feet) in La Liga.
But the one footballer who really looked like he belonged in Europe’s élite league was Iker Casillas. However, after five years of failure, Madrid fans should be very concerned indeed over how long the *rse-saving stopper will hang on at last century’s greatest club.
Casillas admires the surroundings
As he trudged off the Anfield pitch, Saint Iker’s face resembled
that of Fernando Torres after a 6-0 league hammering by Barcelona - a
match that the Spanish striker admitted helped make up his mind that
moving to England was the only way forward for his career.
La Liga Loca would not be at all surprised if Casillas takes the same route. After all, as Marca’s editorial says, “Real Madrid is a little team on a big European stage.”
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.