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La Liga Loca

A sideways look at Spanish football


Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot

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What's Catalan for "Have it"?


Thursday 07 May 2009 10:00

Poor Paco cut an unfashionable figure tucked away in the corner of his bar in Barcelona.

Puffing away on his ciggies, supping on his cañas, Paco spent 97 minutes of Wednesday night being booed and barracked, hissed at and harassed by the dingy dive’s other proud patrons.

Paco hadn’t insulted the quality of the local bar’s ham, nor had he recommended the occasional wipe-down of the dunnies.

Instead, Paco was the last remaining Chelsea fan in Catalunya, as mentioned in previous La Liga Loca posts. Until Andrés Iniesta’s super-strike, that is.

At that moment, the devastated dropout watched tantrum-filled tiny-tots Ballack and Drogba coming THIS close to beating up the referee with a torrent of whines and whinges. “Nah, I’m done with them,” declared Paco, returning to the non-foreign fold.


"Cheers ref"

¡Toma!” – “Have it!” – cried his new bar buddies.

¡Toma! ¡Toma! ¡Toma!” yells the front cover of Sport, on Thursday.

¡Toma!” echoed the Barça-loving companions of the blog in its local dive - Barça-loving companions from Toledo who only ever watch their team in the Champions League, showing that the Surrey-Manchester United effect is just as common in Spain.

With all the excitement of Iniesta’s moment of genius, it was easy to overlook the somewhat controversial refereeing display when watching the game in Camp Culé.

All that seemed to matter in the end was that a horrible, bus-parking, anti-football, ref-chasing monstrosity of a side had been thwarted in Europe, once again.

And that’s the opinion of the Catalan press, of course, and not La Liga Loca which doesn’t fancying facing the death-threat treatment about to handed out to poor old whistleblower Tom Henning Ovrebo.


"Who in the what now?"

“Football beat anti-football,” trumpets Sport’s Josep Maria Casanovas on a familiar riff.

His colleague Joan Vehils takes delight in yet more scenes of street-dancing, bin-throwing and fire-starting in the Catalan capital to greet the late, late winner – the second time such festivities have been witnessed in just five days.

“This side is so great that we’ve still not won anything but we’ve been a few times to Canaletes now... we can only express ourselves with jumping, shouting, hugging and crying,” giggles the delirious Vehils.

Mundo Deportivo are also running on a ‘justice has been done’ tip, with Santi Nolla grumbling over a Chelsea side that “is obsessed with getting the result, defensive football and muscle against skill, attacking football and the spectacle.”

The penalty claims for Chelsea are largely brushed over in the Barça press, although Sport do touch on the subject with an online poll suggesting that the visitors were given a helping hand by the Norwegian man in the middle.


"PLAY ON!!!"

Marca are less obtuse and note that “Super Iniesta and the referee puts Barça in the final.” However, their lead writer argues that Chelsea got their just desserts in the end.

“It was poor stuff from a team that has cost 500m Euro over the past four years,” scoffs Santiago Segurola.

However, the paper’s main concern on Thursday is the news that former Real Madrid president Ramón Calderón was accused of corruption by two different judges on two different cases on the same day.

AS put the Champions League finalists where they belong, on the front page, but leave it to possible pretend Perico and boring Barça-baiter Tomás Guasch to have a pop at the manner of the Catalan club’s passing.

“The gentlemen who watch over The Rules of The Game decided that there wouldn’t be penalties. But they didn’t tell Chelsea that because they asked for four. Three as big as cathedrals.”

And that’s about the same size as the controversy that will be rumbling through both England and Spain over the next few days as the football world chews over what was a stunningly fun night at Stamford Bridge.

NEWS: Iniesta blockbuster breaks Blues hearts
NEWS: Semi-final hoodoo hits Hiddink again
PHOTOS: Chelsea 1-1 Barcelona
NEWS: Last-gasp goal validates purist approach
NEWS: Pep hero status further enshrined at Barca
NEWS: Drogba likely to suffer ire of UEFA
NEWS: Hiddink: Worst refereeing I've seen

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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot

When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca, Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.

Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.

Comments

  May 7, 2009 11:56

PhilJones said:

I thought it was an egrossing battle, very enjoyable, but the anti-football thing is funny, because Chelsea looked much more dangerous in the final 3rd than Barca. Barca were one dimensional (albeit in a very very good to watch dimension). They had one shot on goal, and they scored.

Its a shame, because the terrible referee overshawdowed it. 4 penalty decisions, at least 2 of which were embarrassingly obvious, and the Abidal red card was criminal.

Nights like this are why Michel Platini should keep his hatred of the Premier League out of the public domain, because the cries of conspiracy have already (understandably to some) come out.

Drogba shouldn't have reacted like that, but you can imagine the despair the Chelsea players felt. Sometimes that sort of thing is necessary, you have to get it out of your system. He was probably embarrassed at his woeful finishing across both games as well.

Still amused at the people who think a Barca Man U final will be 'perfect'. Barcelona Arsenal would be perfect, because neither know how to defend.

  May 7, 2009 13:06

rachelcl said:

I've just been looking at the poll that Marca are running on their website, in which they ask which Real players should stay and who should sling their hook. Embarrassingly for Marca's Perez campaign, 96 per cent want Casillas, reputedly Florentino's ideal of ugliness, to stay and embarrassingly for Marca only 51 per cent want to keep their golden boy Raul.How are Marca gonna spin their way out of that?

  May 7, 2009 13:59

Gerard said:

Yesterday's was a freaking exciting game, that's for sure.

In my opinion, yesterday Chelsea deserved the victory, which would have granted them access to the Final. Just a matter of numbers, shots and goal opportunities. But in the whole qualifying round, Chelsea deserved not only to loose, but to be punched in the face SO painfully as it was.

That's not football. Chelsea doesn't even play this way in the Premier. Guus' cheap tricks to beat the amazing Barça were too destructive, too untalented. Players like Ballack or Lampard should be ashamed of playing like this, even when it's not their fault.

Did I hear Drogba shouting "It's a fucking disgrace!" after the end of the match? Come on, dude! It's a disgrace the way they play. It's a disgrace how Drogba falls to the ground after ANY clash with the defenses, and starts to cry. Oh, and claims penalty. Indeed the referee was also a disgrace, he kicked off Abidal without a reason, showed a yellow card to Alves when he shouldn't, had some controversial decisions such like cutting the first half when Barça had a corner, and in the end letting more than 1:30 extra minutes for the Chelsea to score.

And if we talk about the first match, it gets worse. Chelsea's playstyle was even uglier, and referee decisions clearly harmed Barça. Apart from penalties or certain situations, he allowed Chelsea to progress with their hard and dirty game, kicking knees and stomping feet.

Ok, finally I must talk about yesterday's penalties. Hey, I know Chelsea supporters may be angry, but take a look at them again. Did Alves commit penalty? Or Abidal or Touré? No, those were not penalty, my guess is that Drogba and Anelka had some lack of sugar faints. Lots of 'piscinazos' for a team who was whinning three years ago about Messi's 'theater'. Yeah, maybe Piqué's hands were a clear penalty, but that's football. But hey, don't say there were five (or four or three) penalties when there was just a clear one.

  May 7, 2009 14:06

SimonPerico said:

Someone should tell Pique the game is called football not handball. That was an outrageous handball and nearly as bad as Messi`s Hand of Dwarf-style goal against Espanyol a couple of years ago. On a positive note, glad to see that Spanish-style refereeing is alive and well in Norway.

  May 7, 2009 14:43

Suivaloom said:

I'm sorry, but as a neutral, Chelsea were robbed by the referee.

I'm all for attractive football, but for it to be awarded in this manner is just plain wrong. Of the famous 4 penalty claims, I feel 2 were certain penalties.

  May 7, 2009 16:24

Gerard said:

By the way, maybe it's irony, but I don't like those mexican hats in the blog avatar. I mean... Why? Yes, they are funny, and so is the image, but they aren't related to Spain at all!

It's only that tourists buy them thinking they're typical, while the sellers from the souvenir shop probably aren't spanish and don't give a f***.

Thinking that mexican hats are typically spanish is even worse than those topic-plagued references of Spain full of bulls, toreros, sevillanas and tortillas de patatas.

Oh, almost forgot, great job guys. I enjoy reading about our Liga from a different point of view, got bored of Marca/As' madridism and Sport/MundoDeportivo's barcelonism -guess I just made up those words xD

  May 7, 2009 16:25

Vergilius said:

Yeah I'm a neutral too and no way Barca should go in that final if there was justice on earth. Still, here's hoping for a great game in Rome.

  May 7, 2009 16:47

Paul said:

Now Do you Believe me ?

  May 7, 2009 17:21

PhilJones said:

Gerard is actually Josep Guardiola and I claim my £10. Thanks very much.

'Guus' cheap tricks to beat the amazing Barça were too destructive, too untalented.'

That's quite a random sentence. Unbiased of course. Football is a man's game. Tackling shouldn't be outlawed. There's nothing wrong with a a good strong challenge.

For all Bara's fancy passing they had no penetration AT ALL.

Gerard, you need to learn to enjoy the sweet delights of harmless nationality-based racial stereotyping.

Aye Carumba!

  May 7, 2009 17:40

Bella said:

My family insist that I am ridiculously prejudiced toward my own team when it comes to refereeing decisions. I maintain that I am a pillar of objectivity.

Yesterday I was finally able to prove my point because I believe that EQUALLY POOR DECISIONS WENT AGAINST BOTH TEAMS. (Of course we all know that if you counted a few more went against Barca ;-)!!).

The refereeing may have been horrendous, but so were the Chelsea players' responses -- and that does effect that match.

The fact that the official was forced to actually flee from from one of them after a particular decision!? That was more cause for a red card than being three feet from a player when he tripped -- if you ask me.

In the end, Barca beat Chelsea down one man who should never been sent off. Think of the possibilities if all eleven had remained? Do Chelsea fans really want ALL of the decisions reviewed?

  May 7, 2009 18:33

psdiggs said:

Due to Gerard's post i now hate Barcalona. "Ok, finally I must talk about yesterday's penalties. Hey, I know Chelsea supporters may be angry, but take a look at them again. Did Alves commit penalty? Or Abidal or Touré? No, those were not penalty" what is that about. And then "I don't like those mexican hats in the blog avatar. I mean... Why? Yes, they are funny, and so is the image, but they aren't related to Spain at all!" and "Thinking that mexican hats are typically spanish is even worse than those topic-plagued references of Spain full of bulls, toreros, sevillanas and tortillas de patatas. Everyone knows spain is full of greasy layabouts wearing big hats to shade them from the sun as they sleep outside on the ground.

  May 7, 2009 19:34

Blanco said:

hilarious to hear barca fans cry that justice has been done. for what you ask? because chelsea play anti-football so the referee being dim and giving all the calls their way is justice. another reason given is that back in 2005 terry's goal shouldnt have stood.

next excuse? franco, its now evening out.

  May 7, 2009 19:41

AdamCule said:

Phil Jones, we don't know how to defend, yet in our last five games against English teams (supposedly the cream of the crop) we've conceded the grand total of 2 goals. You say we had no penetration, I assume you turned off your TV when the clock ticked to 90:00. Sorry to dissappoint but about 150 seconds later Barça scored a goal, and a screamer at that. Chelski's hymen gone and never to be seen again.

As for accusations of bias, it's absurd. Barça have incurred two suspensions for the final, had Puyol suspended last night, had a blatant penalty turned down at Camp Nou and had to play quarter of the game with 10 men after Abidal was sent off for being within 5 yards of Anelka when Le Sulk tripped over his own feet. If UEFA were on our side then I hope they're on United's for the final! The fact is that the referee was just BAD. Pique's handball was a penalty for my money, the referee choked on the decision but the rest were dives or desperate claims with no substance.

  May 7, 2009 19:44

PhilJones said:

Thats the spirit psdiggs, ham it up with the insults*.

Only in jest of course.

*As a person with an at times childish sense of humour, it would have been a betrayal of my true colours not to get that awful pun in there. Apologies where necessary.

PS. Bella - don't try and 'balance' the decisions for and against and the magnitude of each decision. It just won't work favourably for a Barca. That said - why would you be trying to do that anyway? Barca won! Its for the Chelsea fans to argue about being badly done to, not Barca. Enjoy the victory.

  May 7, 2009 20:10

Paul said:

I think Gerard might be Colonel Kurtz aka Lucho writing under a Pseudonym. What do you reckon Phil ?

  May 7, 2009 20:38

kbones said:

One Pique handball.

Three dives.

Duh, a lot more, but even Drogba didn't think they were good enough to run up to the ref crying.

One lucky goal that let Chelsea enjoy their 29% posession.

Alves' card was totally absurd for me, not to mention the red.

In general, I agree with Adam. I'm disappointed my Barca had to grab a win like this. If it was for them to grab the lead, it would be a much more pleasant night for me, and humiliating for Chelsea... but I'll take the satisfaction of getting to the final alone.

I'd like Arsenal in the final a bit more, but United aren't 'antifootballers' as well and there won't be any hoping for 1-0 in Rome.

Oh and Vergil, please don't say you're neutral here after trying to criticise the level of Spanish teams after the Derby.

  May 7, 2009 22:41

PhilJones said:

AdamCule - read my post again, I never said it WAS bias, I said that Platini's hatred of the EPL gives people the ammo to start that argument.

Also - you conceded 2 goals, how many did you score? That doesn't mean you aren't the best attacking team in the world because you didn't score 5 per game does it. For and Against are specific to each game. Over 4 semi-final matches against the English teams this season and last you scored 1, let in 2. An absolutely worthless statistic I'm sure you'll agree.

Iniesta's goal, great as it was, was hardly a result of penetration. (No innuendo jokes here, in spite of the earlier post. Never been their biggest fan)

Finally, Barca fans everywhere: You can't have it all. Being by far the best attacking side in the world has its downsides. Every team with any brain (Chelsea, Man Utd in the final) will always prioritise trying to stop you scoring. Its a fact. Arsenal had it in the Premier League, now you have to have it.

  May 7, 2009 23:00

Ivan said:

Justice was served to a Chelsea team that were cowards in the first leg and gutless in the second.After Abidals scandalous sending off Chelsea had 30 minutes to get a goal against 10 men and Gus Hoodwink sends on their most DEFENSIVE midfielder Belletti for Drogba,their most dangerous! Chelsea fans are in denial if they think their team isn`t the dregs of world club football. 500 MILLION EUROS over 4 years FOR THAT!?!? And such good losers weren`t they? Couldn`t happen to a nicer bunch of lads...and you know what Chelsea? You had it all right there in your hands until divinity intervened.Barcelona-More than a club indeed! Chelsea? Capatilist monstrosity in the board room and a set of robotic,athletic chickens on the field. Barca were miles ahead of Chelsea on the pitch...there are light years between them in terms of class.

  May 7, 2009 23:27

Paul said:

You can't do anything Phil. Barça fans read whatever they want in posts and what you've actually written BE DAMNED

  May 7, 2009 23:31

Paul said:

Ivan-"Barcelona-More than a club indeed!" please explain what you mean and no help from adam or do we have another armchair Cule ?

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