La Liga’s Good Day, Bad Day - The Final Round
Monday 01 June 2009 12:00
GOOD DAY
Diego Forlán
By the end of his 32-goal campaign, the Atlético forward was scoring the kind of efforts that, had you pulled them off on your PlayStation, would have made your friends beat you to death with a lamp.
Atlético Madrid
The cathedral bells were ringing in a distinctly doomy way as La Liga Loca made its way down to the Vicente Calderón on Saturday night. There were thunderclouds quite literally gathering above the stadium.
As the game against a nothing-to-play-for Almería kicked off, streaks of lightning tore through the sky and the heavens opened onto the fans below.
Unfortunately, there is no spooky or supernatural ending to this particular tale. Unless you count Atleti playing out a fairly comfortable, Champions League-qualifying, drama-free, professional win as something worthy of The X-Files.
"This could be a case for Mulder and Scully... oh no, hang on..."
Getafe
It would have been a travesty had Getafe gone down, considering the side hadn’t spent a single minute in the drop-zone. In the end, they survived by the skin of Michel’s blindingly white teeth.
The former Madrid player is set to be in charge at the Coliseum next season, with club president Angel Torres saying a deal will take “about five minutes.”
Sporting, Osasuna
Two sets of brilliant fans helped push their sides to safety in games that they both had to come from behind to win.
Joseba Llorente
With Giuseppe Rossi and Nihat having spent recent months perfecting their impersonation of strikers – as in work-dodging picket-line refuseniks – it has been Joseba Llorente who has helped drag Villarreal into the Europa League places.
The double strike against Mallorca on Saturday night was the former Valladolid man’s seventh and eighth goals in the final seven matches.
Gonzalo Higuaín
About the only Real Madrid man who actually gave a flying hoot during their pathetic five match run of defeats.
Unfortunately for the Argentine striker, his 22 league goals won’t be enough to keep him up the Bernabeu pecking order next year, with the infinitely more marketable Kaka & Co. set to take his place.
To be blunt, if Higuaín isn’t a starter, then the new regime at Real Madrid are idiots.
"Clear off, we need the space for an advert"
David Villa
His two strikes against Athletic were surely a parting gift for a club where he scored 86 league goals in just four seasons.
Espanyol
After La Liga Loca witnessed a cat eating its own vomit in the stands at the Montjuic, Paul from Barcelona took a solemn oath to watch over the blog’s feline friends.
Unfortunately for Scratchy, our intrepid correspondent has now seen his last match in what is now Espanyol’s former stadium.
“They say some teams were already thinking of their holidays. Well. Málaga were on the beach with a bucket and spade and a large 99.
"They made as much effort as I do when 'er indoors mentions washing up. Saying that, Espanyol played really well and could have won by a load more in what was a meaningless match.
"Well that's another season done and dusted and your correspondent is a happy man for the following reasons:
1) That's Montjuic finished with. Happy memories but a new stadium awaits and it's cracking.
2) Espanyol finished 10th - yes, 10th. Top half. Two months ago Espanyol were five points adrift at the bottom. What a turnaround.
3) Hopefully we can shift some deadwood in the summer - Valdo, Lacruz etc.
4) Three weeks ago I put money on Betis going down (nothing against them, just good odds).
"Stray cats: 0.
"A good summer to all and I’m off to celebrate by attacking the police and smashing shop windows. That's what real supporters do, isn't it?”
Paul, Barcelona
A last look at the juicy mountain
BAD DAY
Betis
Wow. Not even in La Liga Loca’s wildest dreams – and they're pretty odd – did the blog think that it would be Betis going down on Sunday.
A stunning achievement for the Seville-based side, and worthy of pats on the back all round.
As to be expected after such an unfortunate event, the already frustrated fans went Bético ballistic with rocks and barriers being hurled at police and attempts made to burst into the dressing room area of the club’s stadium.
The players of both sides were unable to leave the ground until an hour-and-a-half after the game when the lynch-mob had been dispersed.
AS editor Alfredo Relaño claims that this was the inevitable conclusion to the Darth de Lopera era, a rule that “had pretensions of greatness but ended in failure.”
It's a similar message in Marca’s editorial - well, the bit that doesn’t discuss the brilliance of Florentino Pérez - with the paper noting that the club was treated as a simple family business or a third-division outfit by its ‘management’.
However, both papers have chosen to pull their punches over the whispers of corruption and incompetence that have dogged the second division’s newest members and something that may have played a part in Betis’ downfall.
Guti
The part-time Real Madrid midfielder spent the week complaining that no-one ever believes him when he claims to be injured, then pulled out of the squad for Sunday’s clash with Osasuna with a hurty ankle.
And this makes one particular letter to Monday's AS all the more entertaining with one enraptured reader declaring her love for Guti, someone who “will always be one of the best in the world. I admire you as a person and as a player.”
Florentino Pérez’s first act as Real Madrid president-again should be to strap raw meat to Guti’s body and kick him into the South Pacific from a helicopter.
"Yeah but how big's your house, Stannard?"
Antonio Tapia
The sight of Málaga’s end-of-season shrug of indifference was enough to make the manager leave the club after three seasons. “I’ve finished my cycle here,” said Tapia after the 3-0 defeat to Espanyol.
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End of Season Business
Throughout the year, La Liga Loca has been entertaining the masses with its weekend predictions which possessed all the accuracy and comedy factor of a shot from Fernando Gago.
So, with the end of the current campaign upon us, it’s time to see how la Primera would have looked if every one of the blog’s wayward guesses had been right.
All-in-all, barring a few glaring anomalies, La Liga Loca fared fairly well by getting the top six right - not necessarily in the right order, mind - and by predicting two of the bottom three. And who could have guessed Betis?
The final Weekend Predictions league table:
1. Barcelona
2. Valencia
3. Real Madrid
4. Sevilla
5. Villarreal
6. Atlético
7. Valladolid (!!!)
8. Sporting
9. Athletic
10. Getafe
11. Espanyol
12. Betis
13. Racing
14. Mallorca
15. Deportivo (wishful thinking)
16. Osasuna
17. Málaga
18. Almería
19. Recreativo
20. Numancia
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Competition Time
For your chance to win a year’s subscription to the greatest magazine in the universe, remember to enter FourFourTwo’s end-of-season competition.
New Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez is considering taking a sponsor’s name for the Santiago Bernabeu stadium.
All you have to do is send your helpful ideas on who they should be and why to laligaloca@yahoo.co.uk by the end of Thursday June 4 (legal note: usual FFT terms and conditions apply), with the best suggestion winning the prize of a lifetime.
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.