Madrid go for "Third-Choice Chilean"
Wednesday 03 June 2009 10:00
Dash and darn it.
Despite La Liga Loca and millions of its readers praying long and hard to all things unholy that either Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho would be joining the jamboree in Castle Greyskull, Manuel Pellegrini was the chosen chump to claim that his new position as manager of Madrid was a dream come true.
Had either of the club’s first two choices come off, then the blog could have sat back with a big bag of popcorn and watched the frantic football fun unfold.
A bewildered Wenger would have been crying on the manager’s desk within minutes of his arrival at the Bernabeu, while Mourinho would have been banging Jorge Valdano’s head on it.
“I (THUMP) am (THUMP) in (THUMP) charge (THUMP) here! Are (THUMP) we (THUMP) clear! (THUMP, THUMP, THUMP)."
"Talk to the hands..."
On a side note, perhaps the best news of Valdano’s posting as ‘Director General and Assistant to the President’ is that the former Argentine international will no longer be writing his frackin’ awful columns in Saturday’s edition of Marca.
Spain is finally spared from endless pretentious prose on football being a beautiful game that must be cherished, etc.
If La Liga Loca snoozes for even a second at the Santiago Bernabeu next season, then the blog will be writing 'BORED' in big letters on a Post-It note and slapping it onto Valdano’s forehead.
But it’s Manuel Pellegrini who now holds the nominal role as coach for the next two years (or weeks) and the Chilean is just hoping that the same firing fate that has happened to his predecessors isn’t repeated.
"Remember, Manuel, we don't want to see sh*t on a stick"
Unfortunately, the Chilean coach is none too optimistic on the matter. “It would be absurd to think that it isn’t going to happen to me,” mused Manuel to Marca.
Despite today’s mischievous La Liga Loca headline, Pellegrini is a perfectly fine choice for Madrid. He has proven success at working with young talent as well as handling the more Riquelme-esque problematic players (yes, you, Señor Guti).
However, the role of Madrid manager is more about managing upwards and making sure that the buck of blame doesn’t stop with you when things go all Pete Tong. Something that Bernd Schuster failed to work out.
"We're right behind you, son"
After all, there’s a reason why the emergency signs on the walls of the Santiago Bernabeu are organisational charts rather than exit-arrows.
Real Madrid’s BAP (Blame Avoidance Plan) for this year sees Florentino Pérez as the big, fat fairy on top of the tree but with a number of easily disposable branches below him.
Such as the no.1 Vice-president, no.2 Vice-president, Secretary to the Board, Director General, Director General of the Presidency, Sporting Director and Chief Minion - a role played this time round by Zinedine Zidane.
As always, the thorny issue of who will be in charge of the hiring and firing of the footballers is still fairly fluid, with Valdano claiming that “we will only sign the players that the coach likes.”
The new sporting director, Miguel Pardeza, feels that “many of us will participate in making the decisions.”
Pellegrini himself isn't fussed either way: “Dude, I’m just in this for the payoff after six months,” he didn't say.
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.