Ronaldo: Rubbish and ‘a bit gay’ say Barça press
Monday 29 June 2009 09:00
In the fortnight between La Liga Loca leaving Spanish shores and being dragged back kicking and screaming, millions of protesters took to the streets of Iran, Jacko popped his clogs and the campaign to oust big loser, Vicente del Bosque, began in earnest.
But absolutely nothing has changed in the news bubble of Barcelona where local rag ‘Sport’ is still banging out on about the evils of Cristiano Ronaldo a full three weeks after Madrid’s latest footballing bling-buy was announced.
Continuing the assumption that their knuckle-dragging readers are subservient half-wits without the ability to form a coherent thought of their own - probably not far from the truth - the Barcelona daily ran four editorials on Friday alone ranting that Real Madrid / Florentino Pérez / Cristiano Ronaldo are funny-looking and smell of wee.
“Why has Florentino Pérez come back?” asks Joan Vehils without bothering to give an answer to his poser.
But it’s still the signing of CR7 that still has the paper’s panties in a bunch.
However, a campaign that started out as gentle rib-tickling over Cristiano’s supposed rompathon with Paris Hilton and tendency for wearing flowers in his hair has now turned into something considerably more unpleasant.
Friday’s edition saw the downright mean Lluis Mascaró having a whopping dig at the Portuguese midfielder for “showing his pimpish prowess with his appearances in night-clubs and his brainless bimbos.”
He also notes that one of Ronaldo’s ex’s called him “a bit gay.”
"He said she said I'm a bit what?"
The not-at-all-jealous columnist ends his rant by writing proudly that “it is the antithesis of what Guardiola has in his dressing room” - a dressing-room which appears to be planning post-match bible study classes from what La Liga Loca can tell.
But if that wasn’t a big enough boot to Cristiano’s very busy balls, his colleague, Josep Maria Casanovas, lowers the tone even further by sniffing that “the Camp Nou is interested in the goals of Villa rather than the controversial charisma of Ronaldo who is on his way to becoming a metrosexual icon.”
As La Liga Loca has been a world-famous metrosexual icon for some time now, the blog would like to know what Casanovas is really trying to say here - ignoring the moronic implication that the former Manchester United man is not really known as a goalscorer.
Not enough ham in his bocadillo for you Josep Maria? Someone who wears pink shouldn’t be allowed to play in la Liga? May not be man enough for the secretary-banging, hard-drinking, Mad Men of Sport?
"I know what you're thinking... the white t-shirt was a mistake"
Still, the blog must respect Casanovas’ opinion. A gentleman has the right to stick to his guns, etc, etc. Unless that man will write whatever he is told by his Barcelona bosses of course.
Take this example from our subject’s column in April 2007 when the Catalan club were reportedly contemplating a summer swoop for the Man United man.
“Barcelona cannot let him escape. He’s got everything - class, speed, skill, a great strike and a winning mentality. As a footballer he is unique and also as a media icon. Let’s not forget that in modern football, image and marketing are also very important.”
Or perhaps a little something from July of last year when Deco and Ronaldinho were moving on and the club was looking for replacements.
“We know that Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaká appear to be untouchable, but Barcelona are famous for hunting down the best players.”
So, to recap, in Sport’s world a Cristiano Ronaldo playing for Real Madrid is a pimping, preening, waste-of-space who is a bit too effeminate for their tastes.
But wearing the shirt of Barcelona the midfielder would become a dazzling footballer, a goal-machine, and an important source of marketing income.
If this is just the beginning of an almighty war of words over the season to come, La Liga Loca feels that it's good to be back after all.
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About Tim Stannard and Simon Talbot
When he isn't fighting the evil forces of flamenco or attracting libel actions for La Liga Loca,
Tim Stannard is building his media empire in Madrid. As well as contributing to Football365 and doing odd jobs elsewhere, Tim also works in the glamorous world of television as a producer, script writer, news editor, coffee boy and stand-in fluffer.
Simon Talbot? Well, he's a man of mystery.