Could Guti be Spain’s World Cup Wonder?
Wednesday 03 February 2010 17:00
Bernd Schuster says the concept is “ridiculous.”
Vicente del Bosque muses that “the door is open.”
Sport claim that he can’t change his ways at 33.
Penelope Cruz screams “in the name of all that is holy, La Liga Loca! Leave me alone! How did you get my number, anyway? Don’t you understand that it’s over between us!”
All week, the whole country has been a-buzzin' with the notion that Guti could be the most unexpected of entries into Spain’s World Cup squad for South Africa 2010.
And all because of a back-heel to Benzema up in La Coruña.
That backheel (click to watch)
Many argue that the idea is insane, ridiculous, barmy, ludicrous, absurd, risible, nonsensical and farcical.
Others maintain that the debate is complete b*llocks, dreamt up by AS and Marca after some kind of bet to see what they can get away with.
But La Liga Loca asks: Guti at the World Cup with Spain? Why the heck not?
Why It's Crazy Talk
1) In Guti’s 14 seasons as a Real Madrid professional - stretching that term to breaking point - the midfielder has played in fewer than half of the available minutes during that spell.
This stands in comparison with the 78 percent racked up by Raúl, who is just nine months older.
This rather hefty absentee rate has been down to laziness, injuries both real and... (checks law book...) real, falling out with coaches, being suspended, awful form, dentist appointments, christenings, holidays, something good being on TV and offering naff all for much of the season aside from a couple of over-hyped passes the blog’s dead granny could make given the opportunities Guti has handed to him every year.
Guti would be as committed to Spain’s World Cup cause as Maniche is to a bowl of Special K.
"Siesta time!"2) Guti may claim this week that he would like to go to South Africa, but this is the player that Katy Perry writes songs about (two of them, in fact).
In the course of a recent interview Guti revealed that he wanted to see out his career at Real Madrid, play in England (see proof on the YouTube!), play for Inter Milan and retire to Bangkok to bomb around on a moped.
The Madrid player may be itching to go to the World Cup now, but what happens when Del Bosque calls him up and Guti pulls out due to the opening of a new hat shop?
Or the home delivery of a disco ball?
3) Because he waddles like Liam Gallagher circa What’s the Story, Morning Glory?.
Why It's Perfect Sense
1) When the chips are down, the turnips are up and it’s all gone Pete Tong out on the pitch, the footballer that Spain really needs coming off the bench is not Cesc Fabregas, but Guti - the only player in the world who can change the fortunes of his team in a split second with a moment of pure genius.*
*Not technically true. Guti generally likes Madrid to be a good two or three goals to the good against beleaguered opposition before making his “killer passes,” which tend to be fairly ordinary when taken out of context of the Madridista hype-machine.
2) Spain may well come up against all kinds of dastardly, dark-arts devils during this summer’s footballing festival.
The midfielder is the one cat who is guaranteed to remain cool, calm and collected in the midst of the most horrendous of hullabaloos.**
**Again, a slight white lie. Just boot Guti a couple of times from behind (see Osasuna games) and you can be sure he’ll be sent off after a retaliatory knee-breaker just seconds later.
"Yeaaaaaah!!!!"3) Guti is better than all of Spain’s current midfielders combined. And then some. For example...
Xavi has suckered the world into thinking he is a superstar due to his ability to complete five-yard passes.
“Whoopedy do!” says the blog. Guti can do them backwards. And he’s a more useful presence in the dressing room when items off high shelves are required.
Iniesta? Forehead too big, scalp too bare and hasn’t scored for his club this season. Guti? Cool hair and THREE goals.
And as for the new young tyke, Jesus Navas?
All Luis Fabiano needs to do in their upcoming clash in South Africa is show the Sevilla man a photo of his house and he’ll be sobbing into the turf and shipped home before you can say “I should never have left Andalusia.”
These are the arguments both for and against Guti’s World Cup inclusion, plain and clear.
Now it's time for the blog collective to chew over this week’s big issue: Guti - should he stay, or should he go?
Join in the discussion below or, for more lengthy debate, on the FourFourTwo forums
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About Tim Stannard
La Liga Loca is the playground for the evil, more childish half of Tim Stannard’s psyche to be let loose. The other 50% is a contributor to FourFourTwo magazine, Football365, Sabotage Times as well as other publications such as UEFA Champions Magazine and When Saturday Comes. He is also a regular guest on Real Madrid TV’s Extra Time show and works as a TV producer extraordinaire for hire. To contact Tim directly email laligaloca@yahoo.co.uk