The Flimsy Primera Predictions: Part 1
Monday 23 August 2010 09:00
Almería
Merciful Zeus, this one isn’t going to take long. Over the summer, some players nobody in their right mind has ever really heard left Almería and some more joined.
Manager, Juanma Lillo, is still at the club living in a cottage by the sea surrounded by his books and will try to lead Almería to another survival campaign through the (very occasional) goals of Henok Goitom and Kalu Uche, with Brazilian goalkeeper Diego Alves doing his best to face up to the familiar onslaught of attacks at the back.
LLL Prediction - 16th
Athletic Bilbao
If the yellow-bellied, lilly-livered La Liga Loca is going to stick its metaphorical neck out on a bold bid this year, it’s a Champions League finish for Athletic Bilbao.
Joaquín Caparrós has a cracking starting XI this season, based on the Wolverine-strength spine, dirty so-and-so, fearsome foursome of Gorka Iraizoz, Fernando Amorebieta (who has just decided he is Venezuelan) and the World Cup winners, Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente.
The two Spanish internationals are attracting interest from all over the place - well, Real Madrid really, according to Athletic’s president - so this might be the last chance Athletic have of combining the powers of this perky pair with some of those on the edge of being quite good such as Markel Susaeta, Koikili, Andoni Iraola and Iker Muniain.
LLL Prediction - 4th
Atlético Madrid
Recent defeats in friendlies against Mallorca and Sporting sees the Atlético knockers in the press already jiggling up and down in a most frenetic fashion.
“The defeat has raised a lot of doubts,” moaned Manuel Esteban in AS on games that produced yet more examples of Atleti’s unorthodox approach to defending.
But this was just the merest of blips thinks the blog (perhaps before Quique’s men are wiped out in humiliating fashion by Inter on Friday night).
A proper back four in front of an increasingly confident David de Gea in goal should see (sadly) most of the mistakes of recent seasons being banished.
Unfortunately for West Brom, those brilliant bungles are now on display around their parts after the free transfer of the hapless Pablo Ibañez.
Tiago is back on loan from Juventus for another season - the nearest thing the club has to ‘a brain’, especially with José Antonio Reyes in the ranks.
Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán are still knocking about - not that they ever, ever considered leaving of course - and the Rojiblancos finally have a decent third striker in the form of Diego Costa, who could almost be described as a Sevilla player such is his love of throwing himself to the turf at the slightest of touches.
LLL Prediction - 3rd
Barcelona
This season La Liga Loca confidently predicts Carlos Puyol being forced to sport a new media-friendly spiky mullet hairdo; Pep Guardiola bursting into tears at some point like a biddy baby either through joy or despair; Gerard Pique going through a 70s Elvis phase and Pedro to suddenly become the Berty Big b*ll*cks of Barcelona.
It also predicts Barcelona to win the title.
LLL Prediction - 1st
Deportivo
And there was La Liga Loca feeling all bright and breezy. The streets of Madrid are clear of the usual proles and crackpots thanks to the traditional August departure for the beaches and hills.
The blog has perfected its risotto. And it doesn’t look like LLL contracted radiation sickness after all despite an unfortunate misunderstanding in Finland.
But then the sorry subject of Deportivo came up and the thought of another ten months having to watch this brutally effective, joy-crushing mob grinding out
1-0 wins up until March before giving up in the final months of the season.
Oh dear.
LLL Prediction - 10th
Part Two: Malaga, Espanyol, Getafe, Hercules & Levante
Part Three: Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander, Real Madrid & Real Sociedad
Part Four: Sevilla, Sporting, Valencia, Villarreal & Zaragoza
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About Tim Stannard
La Liga Loca is the playground for the evil, more childish half of Tim Stannard’s psyche to be let loose. The other 50% is a contributor to FourFourTwo magazine, Football365, Sabotage Times as well as other publications such as UEFA Champions Magazine and When Saturday Comes. He is also a regular guest on Real Madrid TV’s Extra Time show and works as a TV producer extraordinaire for hire. To contact Tim directly email laligaloca@yahoo.co.uk