La Liga Loca

La Preview: AS mull Mourinho movements as Zaragoza go for a record

2012-02-10T11:21:00Z

Saturday

Racing Santander (18th) v Atlético Madrid (7th) - 18.00 (local time)
“Courage! Passion! Cojones! Courage! Passion! Cojones!” has been the very clear message from Rojiblanco coach Diego Simeone since taking charge of Atlético over Christmas. To be fair, this particular mantra has been a tremendous success, with his team yet to concede a goal, never mind lose a game during the newbie’s spell. So it’s time to drop in on the Argentinean ahead of another match and see if the power-mad positive vibe has changed at all.
“I am conscious that we can give so much more than we are all giving now and we are going to demand more from ourselves,” yelled Simeone during Wednesday’s press conference. So that’s a ‘no’ then.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (9th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
As if Real Madrid and Barcelona don’t have enough opportunities for big squabbles, another has arisen - the location of the Copa del Rey final. As ever, the Spanish FA don’t yet have a date for the show-piece event or any clue of where to play it. The mega-capacity Santiago Bernabeu would be ideal, but AS claim that this notion would be poo-pooed straight away by Real Madrid with the club giving all sorts of excuses such as security, building works and possible Champions League celebrations. However, the paper’s editor hits the mole on the head with a mop when writing that “the reality is that they don’t want it because they don’t like the idea of Barça winning the Copa in the Bernabeu.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (16th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th) - 22.00
LLL gets the feeling Javier Clemente doesn’t like Marcelo Bielsa and his fancy, passing football ways at his beloved Athletic Bilbao. In a tremendously rant-filled interview with ‘Quality Sport’, the former Athletic boss claims that “nothing has moved forward under Bielsa. There are no great changes. They are the same players.” The grumpy Basque so-and-so also discusses what would happen if anyone at the club tried to change the team’s traditional ‘local club for local people’ transfer policy. “He would last three weeks in Bilbao as the fans would finish him off. I would too.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Espanyol (5th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 12.00
A special challenge for la Primera’s bottom-dwellers this weekend. If Zaragoza fail to win, then the team will equal the worst run in the club’s history. Zaragoza have now contrived to go 14 matches in la Liga without a victory. Another failure this weekend will equal a record that has stood since 1943. Good work!
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (8th) v Mallorca (13th) - 16.00
Due to all the excitement of Marcelino’s sacking by Sevilla, LLL began to get a little bit carried away and thought Manuel Pellegrini was about to bite the bullet after Monday night's defeat to Granada left Málaga with just the single victory in eight games. Apparently the blog was not alone in sensing a firing in the pipeline, a whiff so big that the club’s sporting director, Fernando Hierro, came out to speak to the press on Wednesday to deny that there was any managerial movement in Málaga’s footballing bowels.
“There isn’t an ultimatum for Pellegrini or for anyone,” announced the former Real Madrid man. “I’ve spoken five or six times with him and he’s very excited about the project.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (12th) v Getafe (10th) - 16.00
And so Getafe’s quest to find fans continues. The least surprising news story of the week was in AS, who suggested few supporters would be making the short trip from Getafe to Vallecas to catch another Madridileño derby. However, Getafe don’t give up that easily with the paper also reporting that every punter who spends €40 in the club shop - although it is more of a small kiosk, to be fair - will be handed a free ticket to next weekend’s clash against Espanyol.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Sporting (19th) - 18.00
Valencia getting knocked out of the Copa del Rey at the semi-final stage by Barcelona sees Unai Emery’s men now completely focussed on the Europa League and the non-existent battle from teams below to grab the side’s solid as cement third-place perch. Sporting, meanwhile, have decided to stick with the former number two manager, Iñaki Tejada, at least until June after the recent sacking of Manuel Preciado.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (17th) v Granada (14th) - 19.45
It’s been two matches and two wins for Abel Resino as Granada manager, since taking over from the flat-topped, odd character that was Fabri. Curiously, the former Atlético boss is a former goalkeeper - the second in la Primera along with José Molina at Villarreal who Granada are facing this weekend - so Marca probed him thoroughly on his opinion on Spain’s current crop of goal-stopping supremos. “Valdés is the goalkeeper that I like the most,” opined Resino, “I think he is the most dominant in all the areas of being a goalkeeper. Casillas is very regular and has the advantage of competing since he was very young.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Levante (4th) - 21.30
There is an interesting juxtaposition in Friday’s AS, which boasts that José Mourinho has already begun to plan his team’s next pre-season - familiarising himself with the Manchester traffic system, perhaps. On the opposite page of a spread predicting that Mourinho will be taking Real Madrid back to Los Angeles, the paper also carries an article musing over whether a move to Spurs might be an option for Mourinho what with all the kerfuffle over Harry Redknapp and Fabio Capello.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Real Sociedad (15th) v Sevilla (11th) - 21.00
As usual, the sacking of an old manager and the arrival of another has seen footballers falling in line to praise the new coach up to his knee caps. Sevilla’s Manu del Moral couldn’t be happier to see Míchel at the Andalusian club with the forward having played for the manager at Getafe. “If I had to chose a coach to change this situation, then Míchel without doubt is the right one,” oozed Del Moral. “At Getafe he found a very similar situation and managed to change things around.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Barça fans prepare to chill out as Mirandés disappointed by unromantic Basques

2012-02-08T14:36:00Z

This week in Spanish football will see some dreams ending, some beginning and some sort of about to start, but not quite. It's not unlike the semi-conscious, leg twitching, gurgling slumber induced when Aston Villa games are broadcast in Spain on a Saturday afternoon.

Plucky part-timers Mirandés harboured sweet dreams of another Primera upset in San Mamés on Tuesday night in their Copa del Rey semi-final tie, despite being down 2-1 to Athletic Bilbao from the first leg.

Unfortunately for the third-tier side, their Basque opponents are about as romantic and sensitive as a Premier League footballer approaching a bikini-clad Hollyoaks babe. There was no time wasted with small talk by Athletic, who got exactly what they wanted at the end of the night, a final date with Barcelona or Valencia.

Athletic went 3-0 up after just 22 minutes and eventually won the game 6-2 (8-3 on aggregate) in front of 40,000 fans. “It wasn’t the dream farewell,” admitted Mirandés coach, Carlos Pousa.

The Basque side must now wait and see who they will face in the final, with the European champions facing a couple of tough battles. The first is overcoming Valencia in a tie currently delicately poised at 1-1. The second is getting culés to come to the Camp Nou at nine on what is going to be a very chilly night indeed in the Catalan capital.

“We’ll be up for it,” promised Pep Guardiola. “And to those brave souls who go to the stadium, I tell them that we want to reach the final. That’s our desire,” said the Barça boss, who also claimed in what may be deemed a rather sexist manner that “it’s a match for men.”

Barcelona being 90 minutes away from reaching the Copa del Rey final has caused a bit of back-peddling for one particular Catalan, Lluís Mascaró of ‘Sport’. The journalist last season claimed the competition was worthless because Real Madrid won it. But he appeared to have changed his tine in Wednesday’s edition. “It was because Madridismo celebrated the cup as if it was the Champions League, when in reality it’s a lesser tournament than can’t save any campaign.”

Joining Mirandés in the 'fragile dreams being crushed' camp is Marcelino, who bade farewell to Sevilla in a Tuesday press conference after his sacking 24 hours beforehand. “Life deals out tough blows,” admitted Marcelino, in what was an emotional goodbye to a club he had mostly ruined.

Trying to repair some of the damage is Míchel, who will have a tough job trying to appease some of Sevilla's core support due to his rather Real Madrid-ish background. Oh, and the fact that his managerial career isn’t exactly a sterling one, aside from a single decent season with Getafe.

“For Sevilla fans, Míchel is the best coach in the world,” was the command from club president José María del Nido to the side’s supporters, who best give Míchel a very warm hand on his entrance in the team's next game in the Sánchez Pizjuán.

Cycling supersedes Marcelino’s Sevilla sacking in Spanish press

2012-02-07T10:54:00Z

Spain’s twin cities are split over which direction to run in Tuesday morning's papers.

Over in Barcelona it’s all about Wednesday’s Copa del Rey semi-final against Valencia and Dream Boys president Sandro Rosell hobnobbing with David Cameron in Downing Street. The Culé King was in Old London Town for the Laureus awards, where Barcelona were handed yet another trinket. “Barça, the best team in the world,” purrs Mundo Deportivo’s front cover.

Football has been booted into touch like Pepe dealing with an opposition attacker (or midfielder/defender/goalkeeper/match delegate/sweet seller) in Marca and AS, with the Madrid-mad papers hopping mad over the two year suspension handed to cyclist Alberto Contador by the Court of Arbitration for Sport on Monday, after the he failed a drugs test during the 2010 Tour de France. “The victim of a band of bureaucrats,” fumes Marca’s editorial. “CAS has lost all its credit and done irreparable damage to cycling and sport.”

There isn’t even room in the papers to complain about referees favouring Barcelona. There is, however, coverage of la Primera’s eighth managerial change of the season, the sacking of Marcelino by Sevilla following a run of seven league matches without a victory. Winning just nine of the his 32 games in charge certainly didn’t help his case either, nor did the fact that Marcelo Bielsa was the first choice for the club in looking for a replacement for Gregorio Manzano last summer. Plus, the being deadly dull part as well.

Marcelino knew that his toast was burned on Sunday night after the 2-1 home defeat to Villarreal, admitting that “I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m sacked, but I’d understand any decision.”

“Changes in direction, obstinacy, and a lack of luck. The factors which sum up Marcelino’s disastrous phase with Sevilla,” strops José María López in Diario de Sevilla.

The lucky fella chosen to move snugly into Marcelino’s still warm seat is former Getafe boss and all around hunky so-and-so Míchel, who has a contract that runs until the end of the season, but that will renew automatically should Sevilla finish the league campaign in the top six.

LLL now suspects Manuel Pellegrini could well become change number nine in Spain’s top flight after his Málaga team were beaten 2-1 by Granada, who have put together back-to-back victories under new boss, Abel Resino. Málaga, in the meantime, are on a rotten run with just the single win in the past eight league games - and that was against Sevilla so may not count as a proper match, judging by their current form. The removal of Marcelino might not be the last bit of sacking activity in Andalusia if results don’t improve in another southern city.

Good Day, Bad Day: Busquets' new experience, Atlético & Valencia 'die ugly'

2012-02-06T11:46:00Z

RESULTS Sat 4 Feb Barcelona 2-1 Real Sociedad, Getafe 0-1 Real Madrid, Mallorca 1-0 Real Betis, Levante 1-1 Racing, Athletic Bilbao 3-3 Espanyol Sun 5 Feb Atletico Madrid 0-0 Valencia, Real Zaragoza 1-2 Rayo Vallecano, Sevilla 1-2 Villarreal, Sporting 1-1 Osasuna FIXTURE Mon 6 Feb Granada v Malaga

Good Day

Sergio Ramos
The defender is the man-of-the-moment in the Madrid press, who are admiring his willingness to stand up to José Mourinho, shout a bit both in the tunnel and on the pitch, clear balls up the field, score goals from corners and get sent off considerably less than before. “The soul of a leader” purrs Monday’s admiring headline in AS. The best of a boring bunch in Madrid’s 1-0 win at Getafe.

Barcelona
Although Barça aren’t tonking sides like in the good old days, Pep’s Dream Boys will take any win they can with the team’s injury list getting longer by the hour. The Catalan club began Saturday’s 2-1 win over Real Sociedad without Gerard Piqué, Xavi, Andrés Iniesta, Pedro, David Villa and Alexis in the starting line-up either through injury or being a bit tired.
The news got worse for Guardiola, with Sergio Busquets getting caught by a stud in the second half and feeling what it’s like to be genuinely injured for once in his life - the sensation was met with look of confusion and bewilderment.

Christian Tello
Yet another fancy-footed wide-man forward player type thing from Barça’s cantera production line, and a footballer scoring in his first Primera start for the club. Now, if they could only churn out a six-foot-five big man up front...

Levante
It's really hard to know where to stick Levante these days, because of the current contrast to the side’s storming 2011. The team have yet to pick up a victory in 2012, with Saturday’s 1-1 draw with struggling Racing being the fourth time in the new year that the side has failed to pick up maximum points in a fairly winnable home game.
But Levante are still in fourth - not a good observation on the quality of the chasing pack for the Champions League places, currently like a greyhound race on an ice rink - and need just three or four more wins to secure their Primera status, which let’s not forget was the main goal of the campaign rather than all this qualifying for Europe business.

Athletic Bilbao & Espanyol
LLL is still more than a little irked that it missed this cracking match due to the blog being in transit to watch a complete dirge-fest in the freezing cold between Real Madrid and Espanyol. As in last week’s clash against Rayo, Athletic scored three goals, but this time it wasn’t a win but a 3-3 draw with Espanyol managing the same feat, the final equalising effort coming in the dying seconds of the match.
With Valencia, Levante and Atlético Madrid all drawing, a point apiece won’t make either side particularly happy though, as the game was a fine chance missed to plant a crampon onto the icy slopes of the Champions League places and unpack the base camp tents. But for the crucial job of entertaining the supporters in freezing San Mamés and those as snug as a bug on their sofas, both clubs are honoured with a Good Day spot.

Thibaut Courtois
It wasn’t the Atlético Madrid goalkeeper’s fault Sunday’s goalless draw with Valencia was such a sludge-fest, so LLL must applaud the on-loan keeper for a fifth clean sheet in la Liga in a row.

Diego Costa
The striker - on-loan from Atlético Madrid - was making his debut for Rayo Vallecano, being one of four newbies to join during the winter transfer window. The Brazilian was also making his first La Liga start of the season due to injury. Nevertheless, the forward scored Rayo’s first goal in a 2-1 win at Zaragoza to help undo the damage of two costly home defeats in the Madrid club’s past two matches.

Mallorca
The blog is torn between its long-standing admiration of Mallorca manager Joaquín Caparrós, and its dislike of his limited, defensive side who have bored the nipples of the blog whenever it has seen their games. Still, Caparrós is doing what is being asked of him by keeping the team out of the relegation zone, even if it ain’t pretty to watch. That was certainly a description of Saturday’s 1-0 win over Betis, which the Balearic side managed despite being down to nine men.

Villarreal
Three matches undefeated now and win away at Sevilla sees Villarreal slowly pulling themselves away from their rather embarrassing temporary residence in the relegation zone.

Helder Postiga
Zaragoza’s Portuguese poacher is becoming a scorer of great goals, rather than a great goal scorer, after another stonking over-head effort against Rayo on Sunday.

Bad Day

Atlético Madrid & Valencia
Awful, awful, awful. Diego Simeone may have been a furious figure shouting “Courage! Fight! Courage! Fight!” to his Atlético players, but naff all happened in Sunday’s goalless draw in the Vicente Calderón aside from a late flurry of activity in the final seconds. “It was born ugly and died ugly,” was the apt match report from AS.

Marcelino
Events may well catch up with LLL, with Marcelino being sacked while the blog is going through the process of being written, sent, having the swear words removed, libelous comments adjusted, Arizmendi jokes extradited and the final results then being published. But the blog would not be at all surprised if it's the end of the road for the Sevilla boss in the meantime, after a home defeat to Villarreal on Sunday that leaves the team four points from the relegation zone.
LLL has actually started to feel a little bit sorry for Marcelino in recent games, as there has been attacking intent to Sevilla’s play but the strikers have been a little profligate in front of goal.

Luis García
LLL’s favourite Primera manager by a long, long way. Funny, smiley, open and always happy to admit when his Getafe side play badly or if the game is an absolute dog - something that was an apt description of Saturday’s 1-0 defeat at the feet of visiting Real Madrid.
“It was ugly for us, for the crowd” admitted García in a cold encounter he described as “strange” and that his side never got into, noting that Real Madrid largely bypassed the midfield for once. “We couldn’t rob a single ball,” was the reason given for a bit of a flat Getafe performance in the Coliseum.

Iñaki Tejada
A disappointing result for Manuel Preciado’s immediate replacement at Sporting - a 1-1 draw at home to Osasuna in a match where the Asturian side took the lead. “I’m the coach until they tell me otherwise,” said the former number two after the draw that keeps Sporting in the relegation zone, three points from safety.

Zaragoza
The home defeat against Rayo leaves Zaragoza without a league victory since 16th October and ten points from safety at the bottom-of-the-table.

La Preview: Transfers, tiffs, Googling and 'cojones, cojones, cojones'

2012-02-03T11:00:00Z

Saturday

Mallorca (15th) v Betis (13th) - 18.00 (local time)
The side run by Joaquín Caparrós had a major boost on Wednesday, when Mallorca failed to land misfiring forward Javier Arizmendi from Getafe. Unfortunately, that minor moment of happiness was curtailed when former Betis boss and current Mallorca majority shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, went onto Radio Marca and told the station he wanted Betis to win Saturday’s match, a bit of a turn-up for the books to say the least. “You are putting me in a bit of a bind as you know what I feel. I would like Betis to win,” admitted the former coach, who has managed Betis on two occasions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (6th) v Espanyol (5th) - 18.00
Not that the Basque side really had much choice in the matter due to their player pickiness, but Athletic did not move into the transfer market during the winter window. Espanyol went quite craaazeee though, bringing in three footballers late in the day. Former Barça and Getafe midfielder, Víctor Sánchez, escaped the imploding Neuchatel Xamax and returned to Spain. The Pericos also boosted their attack by picking up Coutinho on loan from Inter Milan and rescued another Neuchatel orphan, Kalu Uche, who was with Almería last season.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (4th) v Racing Santander (17th) - 18.00
Perhaps LLL’s favourite bit of stuff and nonsense from the deadline day came from new Racing midfielder Marcos Gullón, who has joined from Villarreal. Quite naturally, the 23-year-old wanted to make a good impression at his presentation on Wednesday and noted that Racing was “a good club to begin at in the Primera,” even though LLL suspects Gullón will be in la Segunda in about four months time.
But even so, it was a solid start. But then the former Villarreal man got a little bit carried away with the occasion by boasting that Racing was “an historical Primera club” (LLL - debatable), has done “important things” in the league (LLL - trophies won = zero) and had been in Europe (LLL - once). If Gullón is a slick on the pitch as off it, Racing have a real thunderbolt on their hands.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (9th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
A match against Getafe always brings up Pepe’s on the pitch problems, thanks to his giant wig-out that saw poor Javier Casquero used as rugby ball in April 2009. This is rather unfortunate timing as Real Madrid’s short-tempered stopper is only just starting to live down his last unfortunate incident, the Leo Messi hand stamp.
Pepe was a topic of conversation for Getafe striker, Miku, who will be up against a defender and a team he scored two goals against in this season’s Santiago Bernabeu clash in a 4-2 defeat. The question posed was whether Miku was afraid of the big, bad Pepe. No, was the reply, “I train with Cata Díaz every day,” scoffed the forward bringing up the topic of Getafe’s own physical enforcer who had a fun ‘discussion’ with Marcelo not so long ago.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (2nd) v Real Sociedad (12th) - 22.00
The Clásico buzz has definitely worn off in the Spanish media, and it appears that this week nobody can really be bothered to do that much work. Lazy reports about referees favouring Barça/Madrid have been published dutifully. AS noted that there are more Google searches for José Mourinho’s name in Barcelona than in the Spanish capital. Marca have been trying to work out what needs to happen for Real Madrid to time their league title win with getting a guard of honour at the Camp Nou.
In Barcelona, Sport has noticed that it is rather cold in Spain at the moment and predicts that Pepe’s Dream Boys will be glove-tastic and will be playing Saturday’s match with the temperatures at -4. Good job that fantastic atmosphere in the Camp Nou will warm them up, eh! (LLL runs for cover).
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sporting (19th) v Osasuna (10th) - 12.00
It's been a tough week for poor old Sporting, with the tearful sacking - from the guy doing the firing - of manager, Manuel Preciado, after nearly six seasons in charge. It’s a move that supporters seem to be behind, all be it reluctantly, but there is great resentment towards the footballers who they feel are just as responsible for Sporting being in the relegation zone due to nocturnal naughtiness.
Signs at training this week called for “less going out, more effort,” with one slogan painted onto a wall of the club suggesting “cojones, cojones, cojones,” as being the only way out of the team’s predicament. AS reports that the club has responded to such criticism by planning to have a 23.00 curfew players for any nighttime excursions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (11th) v Villarreal (18th) - 18.00
Now LLL likes sticking its beak into a bit of a scandal, especially when there’s much ado about nothing. This week’s storm in a thimble came at Sevilla, when it looked like there had been a training ground spat between Freddie Kanouté and manager Marcelino, with the striker heading to the dressing room early after strong words were said between the pair.
Not so, apparently, with the excuse that Kanouté was merely a bit moody after being told that he could no longer train due to a knock he was carrying. “During no moment of the season has there been problems between then,” informed a club statement sternly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (20th) v Rayo Vallecano (14th) - 19.45
Tired of all the conflict and cattiness in football? No? Well, nor is LLL. But despite this, the blog's cockles were tingled by the sight of supporters of both sides in the Rayo against Athletic Bilbao clash from last weekend in Vallecas. An occasion that included Athletic fans singing Rayo songs (happy, heavy sigh of kitten-like contentment)
LLL Prediction - Away win

Atlético Madrid (7th) v Valencia (3rd) - 21.30
Valencia gave themselves a decent chance of getting through to the Copa del Rey final with a 1-1 draw against Barcelona in Mestalla. Part of the reason for not losing the tie was Unai Emery not believing a word of Barça’s injury reports, especially in relation to Alexis and a remarkable recovery after last week’s Clásico clash.
“We lost Albelda this morning, and Soldado had a serious injury and we had to operate on his knee,” joshed the Valencia manager ahead of last Wednesday’s game.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Granada (16th) v Málaga (8th)
An embargo enforced upon Málaga for outstanding money owed to Osasuna for Nacho Monreal meant that the southern side had their purses snapped shut during the winter window, aside from the incorporation of goalkeeper, Carlos Kameni into their ranks. Granada however, pulled of a potentially great coup by bringing in Brazil U-20 World Champion striker, Henrique Almeida, who joins on loan from Sao Paolo.
LLL Prediction - Draw

A Sad Day at Sporting and Athletic's Copa Cruise

2012-02-01T16:26:00Z

It is with a heavy heart – and yes, LLL does have one – that the blog must report the firing of Manuel Preciado. The long-time Sporting manager, smoker and swearer extraordinaire has been through horrendous personal tragedy but has kept going despite all the horrible stuff life has thrown at him, including the death of his wife, son and then father.

Preciado took a severe professional blow on Tuesday when he was told that his services with Sporting were no longer required after nearly six seasons in charge and 232 official games. The last of those was against Real Sociedad: a 5-1 defeat to leave the team in relegation zone.

Although Preciado has been in many a sticky spot before with Sporting and survived, this current bad run was one too many for club president Manuel Vega-Arango, who announced emotionally during a joint press conference that "I don't know if the decision will be good or bad, but it has been very considered. There was enormous sadness in taking it."

The now-former coach took the bad news with dignity, saying that "I will be with this team for life." It seems the Sporting supporters have the same affection, with 'Thank you Preciado' becoming a top Twitter trending topic in Spain.

The other big news oop north in Spain was the Copa del Rey semi-final first leg between third-tier Mirandés and Athletic Bilbao in the ground of the mighty minnows. But unlike those flimsy nanny-pants sides Villarreal and Espanyol, the battling Basque team were not going to be the evening's Primera butt-monkeys and came away with a 2-1 lead to take back to Bilbao thanks to a couple of goals from the currently imperious Fernando Llorente.

The other, less glamorous tie takes place on Wednesday evening, with Valencia hosting Barcelona – who by all accounts have been having a spot of bother on the road this season.

Because both Leo Messi and Sandro Rosell have used the word 'referee' in recent comments, the Madrid press have got into quite a tizz saying that the Catalan side, their backs up against the photocopier, are lowering themselves by resorting to tactics used by the likes of, well, Real Madrid.

Admittedly, one particular method of the capital club's manager is to wait for a referee to go to his car after a game and then hurl insults at him – an action that, quite remarkably, will go unpunished.

"This is bad news for football," noted Marca's editorial on Wednesday, commenting on the Barça president observing that things weren't going too well for them this season with refs. "This murky territory of making complaints appeared until now to be the exclusive territory of Mourinho."

With La Liga's big two currently chorusing "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me" it appears that the referee in Wednesday's cup clash will be under just as much scrutiny as the players.

Are Diego Simeone's Atlético Madrid becoming 'the new Osasuna'?

2012-01-31T10:43:00Z

To the those still finding their way around la Liga, Osasuna are constantly referred to in Spain as a very ‘British’ team.

It is a description that is simultaneously both complimentary and insulting to Her Majesty’s sporting honour. It praises the ‘raw and honest’ qualities of the British game and of the Pamplona club, as well as its passionate and ever-so-slightly bonkers crowd. There is also the strong and snooty implication that British football is violent, peppered with long balls and packed with ankle-smashing tackles, which is a fairly apt description of how Osasuna go about their football business.

For those who wonder if Valencia are ready for Stoke in their upcoming Europa League clash, or whether Barcelona could transfer their fancy pants game from la Primera to the Potteries, watching 90 minutes of a fixture featuring Osasuna will provide a good insight. It’s the closest the beautiful game gets to cage fighting.

About a month ago, a positively flimsy Atlético Madrid would have been smashed to smithereens at Osasuna, after all, the side had yet to win away all season and Osasuna are notoriously tough to beat at home. But then Diego Simeone - a tough-tackling, tough-talking, downright scary midfielder back in the day - took over as manager, and is starting to transfer some of those qualities to his new side.

Despite only taking over at the Vicente Calderón at the end of December, the Argentinean coach has transformed Atlético Madrid into the mirror image of himself, a team with the emphasis on physicality rather than flair, despite the talent of players such as Diego, Arda Turan and Falcao in the ranks.

Under the stewardship of Simeone, the Rojiblancos have managed a draw and three wins and have yet to concede a goal, a record that has moved Atleti into seventh, two points from the Champions League places, a position that was completely unthinkable at Christmas. The last of those victories came on a cold and frosty Monday night in Pamplona in front of Osasuna’s usual baying crowd.

In a match of few chances, Atlético’s goal in the 1-0 victory came from Diego Godín in a corner move that saw the visitors make sure the ball went in by any means necessary. At the other end, the back four withstood Osasuna’s usual ferocity and physicality.

“Courtois showed in a ‘British’ ground that he’s ready for the Premier League,” purred an admiring Kiko Narvaez in AS, on the keeper currently on loan from Chelsea.

José Luis Mendilibar, Osasuna’s gruff manager, could do nothing but admire the new buff, bludgeoning Atlético, despite the defeat. “Atlético beat us in intensity and aggression.”

The victory puts Atlético back on track to achieve their main goal this season - Champions League football, which in turn will help fight off the financial crisis they are currently embroiled in after years of hirings, firings and terrible signings. It also gave another indication that, despite Simeone’s ways being a little basic and a mix between Dave Bassett and Kevin Keegan, they are getting results.

“(After the game) the Atlético players embraced as if Charlize Theron had promised them a date with her ten twin sisters,” noted Iñako Díaz-Guerra in his match report in AS.

LLL was hoping - against all odds, of course - that’s Atlético’s incredible and admirable rebirth might see the side sneaking an appearance on the front page of either of the Madrid papers on Tuesday morning, considering there isn’t too much else going on in Mordor this week.

Sadly, it was not to be with Real Madrid and José Mourinho still dominating the landscape. And that’s a big, old shame as its the club’s neighbours who are the true big story in the Spanish capital at the moment. And for once, it’s for the right reasons.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça’s local battering and same old story at the Bernabeu

2012-01-30T17:00:00Z

Good Day

Real Madrid
It was a very familiar story at the Santiago Bernabeu on Saturday. Real Madrid started off at a snail’s pace, waited until the opposition had scored an unlikely goal - Zaragoza in this case - then woke up a little, before polishing off their visitors without too much fuss or bother. The major difference to other games was perhaps that Madrid only managed to score three goals, when five or six against the bottom-of-the-table side was expected. If this update was a very long tweet thing, then it would be #autopilot. In fact, the blog likes that idea so much, it’s going end every single one of today's entries with a hashtag. So there.

Esteban Granero
From the wilderness and a possible loan deal with Betis, to a starting role in the side in the space of a couple of weeks, ever since Sami Khedira got injured and José Mourinho caved in to pressure from the press to play “the good ones” in the starting line-up. The players with creative flair, as opposed to Pepe in the midfield, for example. #graneronotapsycho

Espanyol
Goodness grief. A 1-0 win over Mallorca for Espanyol moves the Pericos up into fifth. Let’s hear how it happened with Paul from Barcelona.
“A weird day, a weird goal and even weirder refereeing decisions. Question - why is it that the two dirtiest teams in La Liga wear identical kits? Move over Osasuna there's a new gang of thugs in town. Last week we had that idiot, Jara, trying to maim someone, this week we had ten of them.
The goal - a comedy of errors doesn't do it justice, a through ball from Verdú,Weiss is beating the defender to the ball, he receives a body-check ice hockey style. A penalty! But no, the ball bounces up, the keeper dives over Weiss, grabs the ball, lands, the ball breaks free, Weiss puts it into an unguarded goal. The keeper then claims he was fouled. By whom? Defender is down feigning injury to avoid red card. Genius
Overall, a good result, not the best performance against a team who will hopefully will go down and will smash the most reds in a season record.”
Paul, Barcelona

Fernando Llorente
Llorente's three goals in a cracking 3-2 win against Rayo takes the powerful lad from Pamplona to ten league goals for the season, the same as Karim Benzema. Amazingly though, it was the first league hat-trick of his career.
LLL is thinking that, on current form and ability, Roberto Soldado, Alvaro Negredo and Fernando Torres are way behind the Athletic forward in the pecking order for a start with the Spain. The three goals against Rayo showed Llorente’s strengths, a couple of habitual headers and a lovely strike from the edge of the box. #goodtouchforabigman

Málaga
Blimey, Málaga needed that one. The 2-1 victory over Sevilla saves a little bit of the sorry season so far for the southerners. “I hope this is the beginning of a positive run and lets us fight for our objectives,” said Manuel Pellegrini after the game. #stillawasteofmoney

Dani Güiza
The Getafe striker may not have known much about his goal in the 2-1 win at Levante which deflected off his leg, but the Euro 2008 winner will take it, considering it was only the striker’s third since rejoining Getafe. #celebratorydrinksallround

Real Sociedad
La Real really are doing very well at the moment, having lost just the one match in eight. The latest victory was the 5-1 thumping of a sorry Sporting in San Sebastian. #mid-table

Abel Resino
A big yay for grumbly, grouchy Abel Resino who made a winning return to la Primera as the new boss of Granada with a 2-1 victory at Betis. #stillgoingdown

Racing
The side from Santander continue their feisty run of football matches with a 2-2 draw against Valencia, with an equalising goal coming in the final minutes of the game. #probablystillgoingdown

Villarreal
When Villarreal crashed and burned against Atlético Madrid a couple of weeks ago, LLL was sure that the fallen giants were so abject that even Pep’s Dream Boys on the road would be able to take care of them quite comfortably. But a big box of chocolates will be on the way to El Madrigal from Mordor, as keeper Diego López and a hardworking display from the rest of the team shut out Barça for 90 minutes - only the third side to achieve this in la Liga this season. #toogoodtogodown

Bad Day

Barcelona
It’s not so much the notion that a plump and proud Real Madrid now have a seven point lead at the top of the table that is really going to bug the Barça boys. The sixth time this season that Barça have been rusty on the road won’t be that bad in comparison for what’s coming up. It’s the tutting, sighing and finger pointing from the local press for the next few weeks that going to grind Barça’s gears.
“The worst Barça of the Guardiola era,” fumed Lluís Mascaró in Sport rather harshly, despite the paper’s cheery front cover claiming that the side “won’t give up.” “They can’t give us an ultra-motivated display against Madrid and then give a poor one against Villarreal,” complained Joan Vehils.
These mumbles and grumbles are likely to get louder and louder over the next three weeks with Pep’s shrinking squad facing Valencia three times in the cup and league and with a fun trip to Osasuna to come, as well. #allbutgivenup

Valencia
The Valencia side better be saving something special for the cup double-header against Barcelona as 2-2 at Racing Santander along with two more draws and a loss in 2012 certainly isn’t going to go down well with the fans, especially after conceding a 2-1 scoreline to Racing in the last two minutes of the match. #lazyitis

Levante
LLL was just about to write something soothing and sympathetic about fatigue affecting Levante’s old codgers in the 2-1 home defeat to Getafe which left the fourth-placed outfit - yes, still - without a win in five. But then the blog read comments from 35-year-old, Juanfran, who dismissed the notion as pure puppy poop.
“Someone who works 12 or 14 hours is tired,” scoffed the defender. “Personally, I think it’s lamentable to look for excuses that we are tired. It seems very sad to say that as we are a veteran squad we are tired.” #summerholidaysalready

Marcelino
Oh dear, a failure in a second derby in the past two weekends for the Sevilla boss certainly isn’t going to help Marcelino’s cause, whose team have now gone six matches without a win. #doomeddoomed

Betis
An awful result for Betis who lost 2-1 at home Granada who were playing just their first game under new coach, Abel Resino. “We aren’t this team,” lamented an existential Pepe Mel. “We’ve never been this before.” #ohyesyouhave

Rayo Vallecano
Coach, José Ramón Sandoval, mused a couple of weeks ago that Rayo’s back-to-back home games against Mallorca last weekend and then Athletic Bilbao would be crucial to the side’s survival chances. LLL hopes the manager is wrong as the two games were lost. The second defeat, Saturday’s thriller against Athletic Bilbao, sees Rayo now just two points from the relegation zone with just three wins from ten games in Vallecas, a home that was supposed to be a strong point for the side this season. #relyingonDiegoCostaohdear

Sporting
LLL can’t even write ‘a battling performance from Sporting, but a defeat’ which has been a familiar phrase used by the blog before to describe the Asturian’s 5-1 thumping by Real Sociedad. “I would understand any decision, but it’s not me that would have to take it,” growled manager, Manolo Preciado, after the loss. #cannon fodder

La Preview: Espanyol’s embarrassment, Mourinho’s madness & a fan club’s lack of faith

2012-01-27T16:20:00Z

SATURDAY

Espanyol (5th) v Mallorca (14th) – 18.00 (local time)
Oh dear. A Copa del Rey quarter-final knock-out over two legs by the mighty Mirandés sees Paul from Barcelona getting a special guest appearance to explain away the "shameful, shameful, the blog tells ye!" embarrassment.

“Basically I never mind when the better team wins. And this is one of those occasions. Mirandés were better over the two legs and thoroughly deserved to go through, Espanyol created nothing and got what they deserved. Giving away stupid free kicks in the last minute was ridiculous. A poor performance and boy do we need a striker. I may be in hiding for some time. –– Paul, Barcelona"
LLL Prediction – Home win

Rayo Vallecano (13th) v Athletic Bilbao (7th) – 18.00
The Copa del Rey quarter-final job was probably already done in Mallorca, with Athletic going into Wednesday’s home leg holding a 2-0 advantage. But speaking of advantageous legs, a wonderful air-shot from Mallorca keeper Juan Calatayud certainly helped the Basque side on their way to an encouraging semi next week.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Zaragoza (20th) – 20.00
One would have thought the ever-cheerful, magnanimous José Mourinho would have all been with the handshake and "Great sporting spectacle, old bean" after the spiffing 2-2 draw with Barcelona on Wednesday. But apparently not according to the Madrid manager’s spokesman, Eladio Paramés, on his Twitter account.

Down in the depths of the Camp Nou parking garage, Mourinho apparently had words with referee Teixeira Vitienes, shouting at the Clásico's man in the middle that “You screw over those who are working. You don’t respect serious professionals, now’ll you smoke a cigar and go off laughing, it’s a disgrace.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Villarreal (17th) v Barcelona (2nd) – 22.00
Whilst the Madrid media have taken the draw and Copa del Rey knockout to Barcelona as a victory (because the side wasn’t as humiliated as usual), the Catalan capital has turned once more into Gloat City, especially in reaction to José Mourinho’s reported comments to the match referee.

“When he talks more about robberies they talk less about him, the real loser of this story,” wrote Sport's Joan Batlle of Mourinho’s cunning tactics. “'Gentleman of honour',” scoffs Mundo Deportivo's JM Artells, invoking a phrase from Real Madrid’s anthem.
LLL Prediction – Away win

SUNDAY

Betis (12th) v Granada (18th) – 12.00
For a while, Fabri’s snow-white flap-top and potty-mouthed ways were doing just fine for Granada. But then a bit of poor form, along with a public rebuke of some of his players for not training hard enough, pushed Granada president Quique Pina into dispensing with the coach who delivered back-to-back promotions and Primera football to the club. Meanie-head.

Former Atlético Madrid manager – and there are an awful lot of them kicking about – Abel Resino has taken over, and he has a plan. Oh yes. “They are better footballers than they believe,” said the one-time goalkeeper, giving some love to his players.

Beep, beep! News flash: Resino actually has two plans to stay up. The second is blind faith. “I believe there are four or five worse teams than Granada.” Unfortunately these sides weren't named, but LLL imagines one rhymes with Laragoza.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Sociedad (15th) v Sporting (19th) – 16.00
If your team are probably going lose and eventually get relegated, then you’d might as well make some cash out of it to ease the pain. That was certainly the view of one particular Sporting fan group, who won nearly €91,000 on Spain’s equivalent of the football pools – by correctly betting on a home win for Villarreal against their boys last Monday.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Levante (4th) v Getafe (11th) – 16.00
With Levante flagging a little at the start of the new year, it’s reinforcements ahoy in Valencia. The forgotten man of Racing Santander, Oscar Serrano, rode in to save the day and get sent off on his debut in the cup against Valencia. “Levante is a club that goes for players with my profile,” said the midfielder, more or less admitting to be cheap, desperate and limited but willing.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Racing Santander (16th) v Valencia (3rd) – 18.00
Valencia have enjoyed Ever Banega disappearing from games, and turning up late for training still giddy from the night before, so much that the club has decided to give the Argentinian midfielder a contract extension from 2013 to 2015. And not because of a plan to sell him this summer, repeating the manoeuvre of Valencia-for-life Juan Mata. “We’ve renewed him not with the intention of selling him, but that he stays here,” claimed Valencia president Manuel Llorente, convincing no one.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Málaga (10th) v Sevilla (9th) – 21.30
It’s with a heavy sigh that LLL faces the battle of the drop-outs: midtable moneybags Málaga against sorry Sevilla. But the blog might have to scratch the ‘moneybags’ part, as it seems that Málaga may not flash with cash after all: the LFP have barred the club from signing anyone this January until €2m owed to Osasuna is paid for Nacho Monreal, bought over the summer.

Up there with “I tripped and fell into the life-boat” for excuses is Málaga’s explanation for this unfortunate event. “The consequence of complexities in approving budgets and transactions with foreign institutions,” was the official excuse from the Qatari-owned club, who also fell behind in payments with Valencia and Villarreal for Isco and Santi Cazorla.
LLL Prediction – Away win

MONDAY

Osasuna (6th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) – 21.00
So, here’s the theory behind an advertising campaign to get supporters to be season tickets for the second half of Atlético Madrid’s season. Whilst LLL would have gone for “it probably won’t be as bad as the first half”, advertising bods have run with the old-school notion that a human soul weighs 21 grammes. Atlético have two million fans in la Liga goes the blurb, meaning that the Rojiblancos have two tonnes of soul behind them for the next five months. And if they re-sign Maniche, they could have two tonnes of player.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Real Sociedad to Zaragoza

2012-01-26T13:15:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's Primera pundit Tim Stannard presents the final part of his half-term report card...

Real Sociedad - current position 15th
The mission for la Real this season is to try and gain some stability under French boss Philippe Montanier and allow a group of talented, home-grown, still-whiffing-of-compost footballers to bed-in, while also avoiding the drop from la Primera. It’s a mission that went a little off track for a while, with the newbie boss nearly getting ‘le boot’ back in November after a run of eight league games from which just two points were picked up. But the Basque big-wigs remained firm - just about - and la Real have since started to solidify like stale jelly. They've even been responsible for two of the goals of the season, a couple of halfway line zingers from Iñigo Martínez.
LLL Rating: B-

Sevilla - 9th
Horrible. Quite horrible. But that’s been Sevilla for the past couple of seasons as they’ve gone through managers like Pep Guardiola gets through Rogaine. The latest ‘new, new, new’ project leader is Marcelino, who took over from Gregorio Manzano in the summer. Marcelino’s job was to tighten a horribly leaky defence without damaging a talented forward line.
Although the first part of that mission went reasonably well at start, Sevilla have begun to let goals through at one end whilst failing to score at the other. This is largely the fault of the new boss, whose defensive instincts are such that LLL is sure snipers have been put in place to prevent any Sevilla player bar Alvaro Negredo crossing the halfway line. Pants, pants, pants, pants and if it carries on much longer, Marcelino is a goner, and a good thing too.
LLL Rating: D-

Sporting - 19th
As much as it will disappoint the Spanish public, many of whom see Sporting are a bit of a second favourite due to their fiercely loyal (and mass-traveling) fans and the wonderful Manolo Preciado, this may well be the season that Sporting return to la Segunda after four seasons of top-flight tussling.
It’s not really anyone’s fault. Sporting have few resources, struggle to attract anyone to play for them and are running their little Asturian socks off just to stand still. Sporting will need at least seven more victories in the second half of the season, and it’s tough to see where they will be coming from. Aside from the Atlético Madrid match.
LLL Rating: C-

Valencia - 3rd
Perhaps the reason Valencia fans are generally so grumpy and easy to displease is that the club is stuck in some kind of limbo, perhaps until the end of days in la Liga. The team is never, ever going to be good enough to move above Barça or Real Madrid. But then again, the Mestalla men will rarely be bad enough to slip out of the top three, despite it very much being a selling club due to a pile of debt and a new stadium to build.
And so Valencia will plod along, looking to sniff about for the odd Copa del Rey or European glory along the way. Both are still up for grabs for the club in January - although it’s unlikely Stoke City in the Europa league was what fans and Unai Emery in mind - so it has been a reasonable enough season so far for Unai Emery’s men.
LLL Rating: C-

Villarreal - 17th
While Villarreal fans are hoping to chuckle away in the shower in May over an entire terrible year that was all just a bad dream, Bobby Ewing-style, it ain’t going to happen. Injuries to strikers Nilmar and Giuseppe Rossi, falling into the relegation zone, a pointless - literally - Champions League campaign and the sacking of the previously imperious Juan Carlos Garrido all really happened.
The one crumb of comfort is that Villarreal can’t possibly have a worse second half to the season than the first - after all, that would mean relegation. Something, quite, quite unthinkable for a team that has achieved so much in recent years.
LLL Rating: F

Zaragoza - 20th
Same old, same old for Zaragoza. Sack the manager who kept them up last season and bring in a bunch of new players over the winter window, hoping for a repeat performance. That’s the game plan of Agapito Iglesias, owner and president of Zaragoza, and a gentleman that the fans would dearly love to see the back of after dragging the club further and further into debt and administration over the summer.
Zaragoza have only picked up two wins all season and the blog really can’t see the side picking up eight or nine more and the odd draw in the team’s remaining matches.
LLL Rating: F-

Part One: Athletic Bilbao to Granada
Part Two: Levante to Real Madrid

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Levante to Real Madrid

2012-01-25T15:08:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's Spanish specialist Tim Stannard continues to run the rule over the first half of the 2011/12 season in the Primera Liga...

Levante - current position 4th
Given Levante are in the Champions League places it would take Pepe-level madness to not hand out top marks to the biggest swats of the class this season, Levante.
Under new coach Juan Ignacio Martínez, Levante have continued in the first half of this season where the Valencia team finished the second half of the previous campaign - like a steam roller plodding along at 30 miles per hour. The team may be overtaken by a bunch of other teams come May, but it’s very hard to stop their momentum in the meantime. The veteran back five have been magnificent, the midfield industrious and the forward line brutally efficient in converting chances.
There is the feeling, though, in LLL’s waters that once Levante wheeze over the 42 point mark, which could be done by the end of next month, then a slide down the table would be inevitable, with a European place neither feasible or perhaps desirable given the limited size of their squad.
LLL Rating A+

Málaga - 10th
An enormous stinker of a disappointment. In a season where Osasuna, Levante and Espanyol are currently dueling it out for fourth spot, it should have been a cinch for Málaga to have swooped in to join the party, having invested €58m on nine shiny new players over the summer. The club’s owners must surely have expected more bang for their buck than the current 10th spot and barely a memorable performance thus far in la Liga.
Manuel Pellegrini has claimed a lack of effort, concentration and energy from his players, with Santi Cazorla - the most expensive of the lot - suggesting the team need to be a little less prissy in their play and considerably more effective. Of the nine signings, only Isco has done the footballing business, with Ruud Van Nistelrooy looking particularly ineffective and upset at his lot. Julio Baptista is due to return soonish, but if Málaga fail to make at least top six this season, by gum drops there will be some heads rolling in May.
LLL Rating: D-

Mallorca - 14th
Institutionally, it was a rocky start for Mallorca. Michael Laudrup fell out with majority shareholder Lorenzo Serra Ferrer over signings, style and most probably what to have breakfast - LLL suspects a herring vs chocolate donut debate. The team were doing just fine though, and that’s how it has continued under Joaquín Caparrós who took over from the Dane. The most experienced coach currently managing in la Primera will keep a club in administration and with a limited squad up for another year without too much fuss.
LLL Rating: C+

Osasuna - 6th
Another team overachieving like crazy this season. Osasuna are normally very strong in front of their mad as bats supporters, but immensely flaky away from home. That has changed a little this year, with Osasuna managing to pick up three wins and two draws away from Pamplona. The most Scottish Spanish coach in la Liga, José Luis Mendilibar, continues to shout and scowl his way through a season doing the best with a limited squad whose top scorer, Ibrahim Baldé, has only managed five goals.
Their 27 points see Osasuna peering carefully at a European place - although that might be a stretch - rather than the relegation zone and the supporters will be more than chuffed with that. Once they’ve stopped throwing stuff at you and telling you to leave town.
LLL Rating: A

Racing Santander - 16th
An all round stinky pudding of the season for Racing really, but with some light at the end of the tunnel of desert. An ‘owner’ being investigated by Interpol, a ‘board’ appointed by the ‘owner’ too dysfunctional to look after the club say the administrators and three coaches running the team’s affairs after Héctor Cúper left in November.
However, this trio have done remarkably well for the club with Sunday’s defeat against Getafe being the first of the six games that they have been in charge. Racing are currently out of the relegation zone, however the blog is not sure that’s how it will be come May.
LLL Rating: C

Rayo Vallecano - 13th
Perhaps the best fans in the la Liga this season have cheered on a team that are doing just fine, despite everything that’s working against them. That includes ongoing squabbles over contracts and money, a manager that feels is not being backed by the owner despite what has been achieved and absolute dog of a pitch that the club neither have the time nor the money to change.
Indeed, Rayo’s three-sided, noisy, Trotskyist fans on top of the opposition stadium should be a bonus to the club in its bid to stay up, but Rayo have only won three at home, losing five along the way. It could be touch and go for the club’s survival bid, but fingers crossed from LLL that it’s all ok come May.
LLL Rating: B+

Real Madrid - 1st
A bit of perspective please! Although those only interested in tittle, tattle and gossip - that’s LLL, for one - may be focussing on the scrap between Mourinho and his players, fans, the press and possibly the club president, let’s not forget that Real Madrid are currently at the top of the table, with club record goals and points tallies for a first half of a season, have a five point lead over housewife’s favourite Barcelona, and had a spotless record in the Champions League.
Technically speaking, everything has gone rather well for Madrid, aside from that losing to Barcelona business and the blog would be very surprised indeed if Mourinho doesn’t win at least the league this season, perhaps before stomping off to England.
LLL Rating: A-

Part One: Athletic Bilbao to Granada
Part Three: On Thursday - Real Sociedad to Zaragoza

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Athletic Bilbao to Granada

2012-01-24T10:38:00Z

FourFourTwo.com's man in Madrid Tim Stannard runs the rule over the first half of the 2011/12 season in the Primera Liga...

Athletic Bilbao - current position: 7th
Within the space of a couple of weeks, LLL saw the worst and the best of Athletic Bilbao under the every-so-slightly strange Marcelo Bielsa. In a goalless draw against Getafe, the side looked toothless and a little lost, with Javi Martínez appearing as fed up as a caged hedgehog with being stuck in central defence, the rampaging midfielder’s new position.
For the first half in Sunday’s 4-1 defeat in the Santiago Bernabeu, the Basque side were quite magnificent, the movement of the two lines of three causing no end of defensive confusion for Madrid. This tactical upgrade had been whacked on to the strength, power and downright direct dirtiness of Joaquín Caparrós, who had done wonders to develop a team of outstanding young talent such as Iker Muniain. There is still much work to be done but so far Athletic are rolling along nicely with a solid chance at grabbing fourth in la Liga, still in the Copa del Rey (at time of writing) and through to the next round of the Europa League.
LLL Rating: B+

Atlético Madrid - 8th
Blimey. Where to start? The short version - and the one LLL is going with - is a half season of institutional indecision from Enrique Cerezo and the Gil clan over whether they wanted Gregorio Manzano or not. By December, the answer was no - that was certainly the vote from the supporters, who failed to back the incoming coach from the beginning. While Atlético had a decent record at home, their away form was appalling, with the Rojiblancos only picking up their first win on the road in January.
The incoming Diego Simeone appears to have given the players the mental toughness that had been lacking, but it is too late now for a side that is out of the Copa del Rey, out of the Europa League and still has some catching up to if it wants Champions League football next season - something that the club’s bank account requires.
LLL Rating: C-

Barcelona - 2nd
LLL is going to be a little bit harsh here, as although Barcelona have beaten Real Madrid 14 times already this season, the Catalan side are still five points behind their league rivals. Although this could be closed during a wobbly spell, it’s Barça that look the most flimsy this season with very silly points being dropped away from home - Getafe being the champion chump moment for the Catalan club.
These points have not been tossed aside because Barcelona have worsened this season - indeed the signings of Alexis Sánchez and Cesc Fabregas have strengthened the Catalans enormously, but because in la Liga, Barça really don’t seem to be that bothered any more. Except when they rolled up at the Bernabeu to remind Real Madrid that although the Capital city club may win the league title, they are still inferior to Barça. However it’s unlikely that fans of the Madrid club will give a jumping jot about that in May.
LLL Rating: C+

Betis - 12th
A barking mad season so far for Betis, who sit in 12th with 26 points, meaning that it would take a disastrous second half of the season for the Seville side to go down. But then again, Betis are more than capable of achieving that, having gone through a spell between September and December picking up just one point from 30, a horrific slide that nearly got coach Pepe Mel the sack. So while mid-table is just fine for the newly promoted club, it could have been a whole lot better for Betis.
Extra bonus points are awarded though for playing some purty football and really giving it a go in the Santiago Bernabeu and Camp Nou this season, although both matches did end up with defeat ultimately.
LLL Rating: B-

Espanyol - 5th
The Pericos have trundled along quite nicely in la Liga this season without making too much fuss and noise. But that’s been the trademark of coach, Mauricio Pochettino who is now in his third full season at the club and having to dig deep into the cantera - and get Sergio García playing - after losing the goals of Javier Callejón and Osvaldo after the summer.
While Espanyol have hauled themselves into fifth partly by the fact that no-one else in that position is particularly consistent this year - LLL’s polite way of saying ‘any good’ - it’s above the expectations of a side who would happily have settled for a late top ten spot come May, whilst the team’s youngsters gained another year of experience.
LLL Rating: B+

Getafe - 11th
LLL can’t think of a single time it’s seen Getafe this year and had its tiny mind blown, as used to happen from time to time in days of yore. Well, perhaps twice. Not even the Barça match was particularly impressive despite Getafe inflicting the only defeat on the Catalan club in la Liga this season.
Luis García had a rocky start with the club since joining from Levante with the team struggling for goals - technically, Getafe still are, as Dani Güiza has been largely hopeless on his return - but in the past couple of months, García has made the Madrid(ish) side tough to beat, if not unspectacular. The half-way point sees Getafe snuck in mid-table where they are likely to remain. But that would be just fine after the second half of the season.
LLL Rating: C+

Granada - 18th
Although Granada are in the relegation zone, having just sacked their manager, that's exactly where LLL expected the side to be, with back-to-back promotions perhaps seeing the club peeking too early in la Primera. But still, the blog thought the club would be in an even worse situation by now, cut adrift at the bottom-of-the-table so Granada are actually doing a little better than LLL originally anticipated.
LLL Rating: C-

Tomorrow: Part Two - Levante to Real Madrid

Good Day, Bad Day: Boos for Mou, a miraculous Messi and fabulous Falcao

2012-01-23T14:21:00Z

Good Day

Real Madrid
In what may have been a big middle finger to all the critics, José Mourinho switched from fielding nearly every available defensive player - as he did against Barcelona - to playing almost every attacking footballer, with Karim Benzema, Mesut Özil, Kaká, Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso and even Esteban Granero starting Saturday’s game.
Although the side was a little overrun by a feisty Athletic Bilbao in the first half, when the team clicked in the gear in the second - thanks to a penalty for Cristiano Ronaldo - Madrid looked more than decent. This approach still may not have been enough to beat Barcelona but it certainly calmed down some critics in the press. “Why didn’t you put a team like this out against Barça? Why?” was the plea to Mourinho from Tomás Roncero.

Leo Messi
Just brilliant. That’s the most original comment the blog can come up with for Messi’s hat-trick against Málaga on Sunday evening, the forward’s 14th for the Catalan club, equalling a Barça record. It was an all round splendid display from Barcelona in Málaga - bar a wobbly start - in match LLL thought Pep’s Dream Boys would drop points like the care-free mavericks they've been of late. But the 90 minutes was miles away from some of the lethargic displays put on by the club away from home in la Liga this season.

Levante
A goalless draw with Zaragoza where absolutely nothing happened by all accounts, but another point eked out by Levante, a side who are now counting down the points until they reach 43. That means four wins left over the entire second half of the season. Quite doable really.

Espanyol
Does Espanyol sitting plump and pretty in fifth make Paul from Barcelona a happy puppy on Monday? Nope. Of course not, here’s grumpy chops and here is his opinion on Saturday’s 3-0 win over Granada...
“They say there are no easy games in football. Well, someone should tell Granada. Ye gods they are not any good. Probably the worst Primera team since Extremadura.
A stroll for Espanyol who didn't need to get out of second gear to win by three goals, all this despite Thievey playing. Baena, Verdú (penalty, and it was) and Rui Fonte scored and it could have been more.
Granada also had this moron called Jara who came on with the sole intention of breaking someone’s leg. Get this idiot out of football. Ref was ok despite not dishing out a red (see above) and a crumb of comfort for Granada - excellent fans, over a 100 and vocal. Hats off to them. Hope they stay up despite that prat Jara. They deserve it - the fans not the players.”
Paul, Barcelona

Falcao
Prior to new Atlético coach Diego Simeone’s arrival, lazy-boned forward Falcao wasn't exactly in the blog’s good books. But five goals in two games - including three against Real Sociedad - see the Colombian move on to 14 strikes for the season, the best first half of a season for a Rojiblancos striker since Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink in the 1999/00 campaign.
While the improved form of the expensive Falcao is clearly a boost to Atlético, the fact that the side has yet to concede under Simeone in the three games in charge for the Argentinean, is considerably more telling.

Betis & Sevilla
A generous and tremendously condescending LLL is putting both teams into the good day section due to the positive, hippy vibes created around what used to be a really nasty derby, and for a cracking game of football which ended 1-1.

Alvaro Negredo
The Vallecas man’s equalising effort in the aforementioned fun-fest was the striker’s first since the 17th December against Real Madrid.

Jaime Gavilán
After a bit of a ‘meh’ first third of the season, Getafe are now plodding along nicely under the ever chirpy Luis García, unbeaten in five with three wins, all of them by the odd goal. That was the case on Saturday with a 2-1 victory at Racing, a win kicked off by an equalising goal from winger, Jaime Gavilán who was making his first start since March 2011 after a couple of serious injuries.

Bad Day

José Mourinho
It’s all going a bit pear-shaped for the Madrid manager, despite Mourinho giving his team the best first half to a season in terms of points and goals in the club’s history. First the press turned on the manager - with Mourinho taking a hammering after Wednesday’s latest Clásico catastrophe - then the players, at least according to Marca, who on Sunday wrote of a big split between the coach and the senior Spanish contingent.
The Athletic Bilbao match saw dissent within the fans with Mourinho’s being booed on three separate occasions when the club’s Ultras sang his support. “I didn’t ask to come here, it was Madrid who asked me,” was Mourinho’s non-plussed response after the match.

Osasuna & Valencia
Both in the dog house for boring the trousers off LLL in Sunday’s midday kick-off which put the blog in a somnambulant mood for the rest of the day. The only action that took place in the game came in the final few minutes when Roberto Soldado looked like he had given Valencia their first league win of the year, David Albelda saw red for a horrendous challenge and Lolo scrambled a very Osasuna equalising effort in injury time.

Málaga
“More effort, more concentration” was Manuel Pellegrini’s assessment on his side’s performance in the 4-1 defeat to Barcelona, where the home team only turned up for the opening few minutes and to force good saves out of Víctor Valdés. Málaga have now slipped back to tenth place, are without a win in six and that must be putting Manuel Pellegrini and his project under pressure despite constant claims of patience.

Rayo Vallecano
When Rayo spurned three or four good chances in the first half of their clash with Mallorca, LLL watching in the stands sensed that something nasty was waiting around the corner in a game they really needed to win. That nastiness came a few minutes into the second half with a header from Iván Ramis - but not once did the supporters stop singing in Vallecas despite the defeat.

Racing Santander
A first defeat for ‘The Trio’ managing Racing after three wins and two draws since taking over from Héctor Cúper.

Fabri
Granda aren’t even in the relegation zone, but that hasn’t stopped club president Quique Pina having a wobbly moment by sacking Fabri after three straight defeats, and just one victory in six. In doing so, the club parts company with the manager who gave the team back-to-back promotions from the Segunda B to the Primera. Which is a bit sad really.

La Preview: Death threats, Pepe poking and Getafe’s big scare

2012-01-20T11:30:00Z

Saturday

Espanyol (9th) v Granada (17th) - 18.00 (local time)
Good grief, Espanyol will be quivering in their Catalan boots ahead of next week’s Copa del Rey quarter-final second leg clash with lower league Mirandés. The opposition coach, Carlos Pouso, was so irked at his team throwing away a 2-0 lead against the Pericos by conceding three late goals in six minutes that a heck of promise was made ahead of the rematch.
“We are going to die whilst killing but I don’t want to be misinterpreted. There won’t be any violence, dirty play or sitting back,” yelled the Mirandés main man.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (15th) v Getafe (13th) - 18.00
In the same way you have that sinking feeling of horror in the stomach having realised your house keys or wallet have been lost, Getafe fans must have been fearful that Javier Arizmendi had ended his loan spell at the massively imploding Neuchatel Xamax early. After all, the Madrid club has more than enough strikers on its roster to launch easy chances over the bar in the form of Miku and Dani Güiza.
But the Coliseum collective - all 25 of them - were able to breath a sigh of relief in the end when it appeared that Arizmendi would be merely passing through Getafe before signing on to launch footballs into orbit with Mallorca.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Sociedad (14th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 20.00
When the chips are down, as they frequently are, the Spanish football press can be a touch mean-spirited. On the other hand, when there’s fresh optimistic meat around, as in the form of Diego Simeone at Atlético, the papers can be an easier ride than Sergio Ramos. Allegedly (yes, LLL has flicked through the odd gossip magazine by accident).
One of the remarkable innovations that have seen Atlético Madrid pick up four points from six, according to a purring Marca, is that the new guy in town prefers to sit on the left side of the bench as opposed to the right like evil Gregorio Manzano. Also, “Manzano forced players to have breakfast together before training,” notes the paper, while it is voluntary with Simeone. Of course, had that been the other way round then the paper would have been praising the Atlético coach to his nipples on his brilliant team-bonding ways.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Betis (11th) v Sevilla (7th) - 22.00
Sevilla’s suffering form has seen Marcelino blessed with the vote of confidence from his president, José María del Nido. Ahead of the derby against Betis, del Nido says that a manager only eight months into the job is quite safe despite a run of four league games without a victory. “There isn’t any result that could endanger the coach’s job.”
There was at least some good news in Sevilla's fairly bleak existence, with AS reporting that Monchi - the side’s Sporting Director - would be signing on with the club for another five years, despite stories that he would be joining the coaching set up of the Spanish FA, whose teams LLL has been told have been fairly successful of late.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Osasuna (6th) v Valencia (3rd) - 12.00
Valencia’s sluggish start to the new year which sees just one point from two in 2012 has certainly upset the fans, who booed the team off the Mestalla pitch in last weekend’s defeat at Real Sociedad. However, the Copa del Rey has given Valencia and Unai Emery a bit of a lifeline with victories in the last sixteen over Sevilla and a 4-1 win in the quarter-final first leg against Levante to keep everyone happy.
“We know that despite it being 4-1, nothing is definitive and there’s another leg,” said a dutiful Emery after Thursday, late night derby clash.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Rayo Vallecano (12th) v Mallorca (16th) - 16.00
Rayo boss José Ramón Sandoval is not a happy Vallecas bunny at all. Although the coach and his players have performed well above expectations by sitting comfortably in mid-table at the (nearly) halfway stage of the season, a key player at the club has been moved off against the manager’s wishes, although the footballer in question said he wanted the transfer to Belgium on the very good grounds that he’d get paid an awful lot more money.
Centre-back, Jordi Figueras, was on loan from Rubin Kazan but has been sold to Bruges with Rayo being compensated €700,000. Although cash is a vital commodity at the club these days, Sandoval fumes that football should have come first in the decision. “I gave my opinion to the administrators, the technical secretary and explained the important of the player to the team, but this wasn’t taken into account. We now face the league with two right-footed centre-backs, one who’s on four yellows.” “I want to win the next game but we have to be realistic. We are going to war with water pistols,” fumed the Rayo boss.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (8th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 18.00
It’s with a scowl and a snarl that Gerard Piqué must have been poked into the spotlight to face the press on Thursday afternoon and a barrage of questions from the Clásico the night before, a match that finished so late the central defender must barely have had time to go to bed.
While Piqué commented as diplomatically as possible under the circumstances that he wouldn’t know what he’d do if one of his teammates had the same night as Pepe, the Catalan defender did try to defuse further damage to morale to the Spanish side by praising his comrades for Euro 2012. “The national team showed examplary behaviour. There won’t be any problems” assured the political tightrope-walking Piqué.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (4th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 19.45
Zaragoza’s season-saving - or so the club’s president hopes - signing frenzy has begun. Midfielder Tomas Dujmovic has been brought in from the cold from Dinamo Moscow, scary striker Carlos Aranda has left Levante to head to the other end of the league table whilst Zaragoza are maneuvering to bring another forceful presence to the team by picking up Málaga’s Apoño on loan.
It’s fighting players to match with the fighting talk from coach, Manolo Jiménez, who says that “nine out of ten people think the team will go down. I don’t.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Athletic Bilbao (5th) - 21.30
LLL suspected that the Bernabeu brains at Marca would be spinning like mad to get Real Madrid out of their sticky situation in their Clásico cup clash, but the blog was quite wrong. Instead, the paper has continued along its Godzilla-style path of destruction in attacking José Mourinho. Friday’s edition lists the seven sins of the Madrid manager during the game, criticises the manager’s transfers from the summer and prints a page of letters from fans attacking the Portuguese boss.
The paper doesn’t even approve of Pepe defending himself by claiming the Messi hand stamp was an accident on the club’s TV channel. “Pepe is falsifying reality and has turned Real Madrid into an accomplice that shames the club’s supporters,” fumes the editorial.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Villarreal (19th) v Sporting (18th)
Now, LLL is no expert when it comes to motivating footballers. In fact it’s not really an expert at anything. But the blog reckons that when the chips are down at club, the last thing José Player wants is some besuited blowhard insulting him in the press. Villarreal already dour situation has perhaps been worsened with the club’s VP, José Manuel Llaneza blustering that “if anyone doesn’t like the way things work now, they can go whoever they are. The good life and cushions are over.”
Not content with this diatribe, Llaneza then claimed that Monday’s home match against Sporting was the most important in his 17 years at Villarreal, suggesting that the director must have been completely smashed during a certain Champions League semi-final with Arsenal.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Furious Madrid press turn on Mourinho after Barça disaster

2012-01-19T13:04:00Z

Given the the feeling among the Madrid-based press that this time Real Madrid manager José Mourinho would finally show Barça who was boss, it’s no great surprise that their reaction to Wednesday's Bernabeu defeat has been relentlessly, unforgivingly brutal.

In particular, two papers who are normally like panting, tail-wagging, eager to please puppy dogs when it comes to Madridismo, have now become a snarling pack of wild beasts. While the feeling among the fans after Madrid’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first leg defeat was merely bored resignation at yet another set back - with only one victory for Madrid in the nine Mourinho vs Guardiola clashes - the vibe in Marca and AS is fury.

A crunching deadline from a late-night finish and a game from which Madrid will have taken little positive sees Thursday’s AS front page lamenting the defeat and another “repertoire of bad behaviour from Pepe.” Tomás Roncero leads the angry mob on the inside pages, asking Mourinho “isn’t it better to die on your feet and play with all your talent than be beaten before the game begins?”

The risk of playing a makeshift defence containing Hamit Altintop at right-back and Ricardo Carvalho - returning from a four month injury lay-off - in the centre of defence was a large one. It may have paid off had Madrid not conceded yet another header from a corner, with Carles Puyol equalising for Barça early in the second half to sap any confidence the Madrid players had gained from Cristiano Ronaldo's first half opener.

However, the gamble to play Pepe in midfield, in a throw-back to last year’s controversial contests, was a whopper - like asking Bruce Banner to travel on the tube at rush hour having missed a night’s sleep. It was a bet which failed spectacularly.

Marca branded Pepe’s pugilistic, polemical performance which peaked with what looked like an intentional stamp on Leo Messi’s hand as “disgraceful”.

“The behaviour of Pepe was intolerable, violent with an excess or aggression and theatrics,” blasted Thursday’s editorial.

The front page bemoans the “Never Ending Story” with Barcelona over recent seasons, with the match report claiming Madrid had “betrayed their history” with Mourinho’s approach to a clash in a competition the Madrid coach had previously dismissed as the least important for his club this term.

Unsurprisingly, the reaction to Madrid, and in particular, Pepe, in the Catalan capital was outrage. Mundo Deportivo lead with the headline “Heroes and Villains”, with Sani Nolla branding Pepe a “public danger”.

“This doesn’t belong in today’s football. It belongs to butchers form the Jurassic era,” continued the columnist.

Sport were a tad more aggressive, with a headline claiming Barça to be “Bleeping Bosses of the Bernabéu,” a reference to Guardiola’s bad-tempered comment about José Mourinho last season. The paper’s most culé columnist, Lluís Mascaró, wasn’t going to let another victory in the Spanish capital go unmentioned, gleefully reporting on “a sporting humiliation that the Bernabeu won’t forget for years. Madrid played in their own stadium with fear, like a small team. Trembling with terror.”

Normally the rival newspapers from the different sides of Spain disagree on the colour of the sky. But for once, they are all united in one concept - this was a very, very bad night for José Mourinho, Pepe and Real Madrid.

Mourinho feeling the tension of upcoming Clásico

2012-01-18T15:14:00Z

Tuesday was another happy day in Marca’s extreme graphics department. In previous weeks the Photoshop-wielding group had been called upon to put together an incredibly disturbing photograph that morphed together the faces of Gonzalo Higuaín and Karim Benzema to make the perfect striker. That call of duty was followed by a splendid mock-up of the French striker as Puss in Boots, complete with a cat’s face and whiskers.

Wednesday edition of the paper sees a front cover with a shot of the lower halves of Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo with their arms handcuffed together. “Condemned to Win” booms Marca’s front cover ahead of Wednesday night’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first leg clash at the Santiago Bernabeu.

The paper is half right, in the sense that Real Madrid are under strict orders from the fans to beat Barcelona in the Bernabeu for the first time during Pep Guardiola’s tenure at the Catalan club. But it’s fair to say Barça have more than proved themselves against Real Madrid, having only been defeated in one of the eight previous Clásicos between the Barça boss and José Mourinho.

This desire for Madrid to finally deliver at home may explain José Mourinho’s incredibly tense, bolshy mood at the pre-match press conference. Or perhaps, José Mourinho generally just being incredibly tense and bolshy is a more valid reason. When asked about the tactics for the match, the Portuguese hurled toys far and wide from his Special Pram.

“If Ramos plays at full-back, they are going to criticise me, as he’s better as a centre-back. If I play Fabio at right-back they will criticise me as he’s left-footed.” This rant against the press went on for some time, covering Sami Khedira and Pepe, among others.

“It’s better that we all go to the cinema and after let’s see the result and give our opinions.” That’s certainly what LLL would like to do.

Mourinho’s prickliest moment came when asked about Cristiano Ronaldo, who is very much the centre of attention ahead of the Clásico, precisely because the forward is hardly ever the focal point of attention during the Clásico.

“Cristiano has the final word,” yells the front cover of AS, with editor Alfredo Relaño noting that “Cristiano against his ghosts, this will be a game.” Mourinho was dutifully protective of his player warning the assembled journalists that “if any of you have a go at him we’re going to have a problem. I won’t let you.”

The performance of Ronaldo is one of the tactical topics that will be on Mourinho’s mind ahead of the game. Who to play at right-back in the absence of the suspended Alvaro Arbeloa and whether to use Angel di María for part of the game, despite not being fully recovered from injury are amongst others. At time of writing, it’s not clear if the Argentinean will even be in the squad with Real Madrid not releasing any names to the media and fans until an hour before the clash.

In comparison with the tense terseness of the Spanish capital, the Camp Nou bat-cave was a far more jolly place, with Pep Guardiola in a fairly relaxed mood, as should be expected of a manager with nothing to prove in this particular, oft-repeated tie. Though the Barça boss claimed that “I have a lot to lose, credit doesn’t exist in this sport.”

Mundo Deportivo have gone for a new angle on the match, publishing a photo of the Copa del Rey trophy itself on Wednesday’s front cover - the mangled version dropped by Sergio Ramos in front of a bus last year. “Barça, fix it!” demands the headline.

This is just one of a number of motivations the Barcelona players have to grab at least a draw in the Santiago Bernabeu before next Wednesday’s second leg clash. The others include annoying the heck of Mourinho and Madrid by frustrating them again, and perhaps equalling the number of wins in el Clásico between the two teams in the 216 matches played so far.

Madrid currently have 86, with Barça one behind. Two goals will also see Leo Messi become the striker with the most number of goals against Madrid in Barcelona’s history. All in all, there’s more than enough amuse-bouches to get the juices flowing even if the main meal hasn’t got the taste buds tingling of everyone in Spain.

Barça lament referees revolt ahead of Clásico clash

2012-01-17T11:21:00Z

Those who are still dipping their pinkies into the steamy waters of La Liga may not be aware of exactly what the 'Villarato' is.

This term - oft-used in Spanish football - was coined by Madrid-based daily newspaper AS to describe an imaginary conspiracy said to have been cooked up by FA President Angel Villar, Barcelona and the country's referees to make sure that all decisions went in the Catalan club's favour and against Real Madrid.

Apparently, the 'Villarato' is no more. Instead, the 'Anti-Villarato' is in play, as demonstrated by the failure to award Barça a late penalty for hand-ball in last week's derby clash against Espanyol, and the booking of Andrés Iniesta for a dive when another penalty was probably the right decision.

"There are times when the referees are against us," moaned Xavi ahead of Wednesday's Clásico. "I have the feeling that this year they are against us more than other teams." Even AS Editor Alfredo Relaño thinks the tide has turned in the refereeing stakes. "Before, everything was going one way, not any more," was the happy-clappy message in Tuesday's editorial.

This is just a sample of a mixed bag of pre-Clásico rumblings ahead of a game nobody is completely sure whether or not to bother taking seriously.

Josep María Casanovas in Sport perhaps best describes the importance of the two Copa del Rey games in terms of what it means to the title race, in which Real Madrid currently hold a five point lead. "Knocking the league leaders out of the cup would be a decisive injection of morale for Barça."

Still, this thoughtful analysis hasn't stopped the Sport man's colleague, Lluís Mascaró, launching into another of his trademark 'good vs evil' rants.

"After seeing the sad performance of Mourinho in Mallorca, no-one can doubt that Madrid will lose points. Not even the help of the refs (anti-Villarato) can stop such a vulgar team falling to any rival that plays with intensity and ambition," rants Mascaró on sides like Espanyol, Getafe and Real Sociedad, three teams who have managed to stop Barcelona in their tracks this season.

Over in Mordor, AS are claiming that "Barcelona are afraid of [José Manuel] Pinto", reporting that supporters would rather have Víctor Valdés in goal than their back-up net-tender and designated cup game keeper. The Barça press may well argue that Real Madrid are afraid of Messi, Alexis, Cesc, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Piqué, Alves and Abidal, given only one of the eight Clásicos between Mourinho and Guardiola have been won by Madrid.

While the first of a possible eight Clásicos in 2012 kicks off on Wednesday night in the Santiago Bernabeu, the first of the cup quarter-finals will actually take place in Barcelona, 24 hours earlier, with third-tier Mirandés facing Espanyol on Tuesday evening. "Mission impossible," claims Carlos Pouso, the Mirandés manager whose team received a special birthday treat by flying to the game on a big silver sky demon never before seen by most of the side's players.

Mauricio Pochettino, meanwhile, is doing the humble, respectful routine ahead of a clash against a side that have already knocked out Villarreal and Racing in this season's competition. "It's a team who have eliminated two Primera clubs. One can catch you by surprise, if it happens a second time and it's a knock-out then they have good reasons for being here," warned the Espanyol boss.

Good Day, Bad Day: Comeback kids, sorry Sevilla and Atlético’s new era

2012-01-16T12:21:00Z

Good Day

Gonzalo Higuaín, José Callejón
Both Karim Benzema and Cristiano Ronaldo looked a little lost in the hurly burly of the second half of Madrid’s 2-1 win over Mallorca, when pretty much every forward player at José Mourinho’s disposal was out on the field. Heck, even Kaká played, things were so desperate at 1-0 down.
However, Higuaín celebrated five years with the club with yet another crucial comeback goal, while Callejón continued in what has become a sparkling campaign for both the player and his flat top, with his third league goal of the season making him the most effective player in la Liga with a strike rate of one goal every 75 minutes in all competitions.

Alexis Sánchez
Rather like Angel di María, Alexis is never going to be a favourite for the blog due to the footballer’s outrageously theatrical ways and unnervingly tiny face, but the bustling Barça player has qualities that LLL loves, in his strength, drive and finishing. Alexis popped up with an assist and a goal on Sunday against in Betis, in a game when Pep’s Dream Boys had a bit of a scare having gone 2-0 up in the first half to then blow the lead. Fancy that, Barça falling asleep in the middle of match.

Athletic Bilbao
Marcelo Bielsa’s side were hugely disappointing last week against Getafe, but showed signs of the old, proper Athletic on Sunday in a 3-0 win over Levante with all three goals being headers, the call sign of the Basque battlers who now move into fifth-place.

Ruud Van Nistelrooy
The goal from the Dutch striker against Sporting was just his second of the season in la Liga for Málaga.

Atlético Madrid
A 3-0 win over Villarreal sounds fantastic - especially compared to recent results - but it isn’t yet “another chapter” as claimed by AS, who are most enthusiastic in their response to Diego Simeone’s home debut on the Rojiblanco bench. It’s an attitude shared by Marca who boast of “another Atleti”.
While the former player was more active on the sidelines than Gregorio Manzano - responding to the chants of fans, hi-fiving his players, applauding Diego off the pitch - Atlético weren’t enormously better than in previous games in the Vicente Calderón this season. They were however a little luckier, and were also playing awful opposition.
The line-up was not that different, nor the tactics. Falcao’s first goal came from a move that was offside and the second from a penalty that was a foul committed outside the box. LLL is not saying there are not signs for temporary optimism for the Rojiblancos, but the “new Atlético”, “Europe, here we come” declarations within a couple of games of a new regime have been made to look silly before. Instead, the message from LLL is patience, young Padawan, patience.

Diego Simeone
Before the appearance of the new Atlético Madrid manager before the press post Villarreal, LLL was joshing whether a pertinent question for the Argentinean would be, “are you ready to apologise to David Beckham?”
Didn’t feel quite so brave when Simeone walked out, though. Looked like the Atlético Madrid boss could remove your head with a pair of tweezers without breaking into a sweat.

Betis
The Seville side are very much a confidence team that tends to win and lose in runs. At the moment, Betis tails are up after three straight wins and that form carried on into the Camp Nou with the visitors coming from 2-0 down to get back to 2-2 but eventually lose out 4-2.
Pepe Mel was still unhappy with the outcome though, when asked about the secret of facing down the Catalan club. “I don’t have the formula for beating Barça as they knocked four past us.” Despite the scoreline at the Camp Nou, Sevilla - the next opponents for Betis - should be feeling very concerned indeed about next weekend’s derby.

Michu
LLL is enjoying watching the Rayo striker enormously this season. Tall, physical with good Michael Bolton hair, Michu popped up with his eighth league of the season to help Rayo to a 2-1 win over Granada. The forward won’t be in Vallecas for much longer.

Real Sociedad
It was with a gasp of surprise that LLL noticed that la Real were in 14th now, having gone six games unbeaten. Saturday’s smash and grab by Antoine Griezmann was a jammy effort involving a hand-ball and deflection, but the Basque outfit did enough to deserve something from the game.

Racing Santander
A remarkable run for the managerial trio at Racing continues an unbeaten streak ever since the sacking of Héctor Cúper. Racing’s latest triumph was a 2-0 win - assisted by two penalties - over Osasuna to lift the Cantabrians into 15th, two points clear of the drop zone.

Joaquín Caparrós
A iffy offside decision, a 1-0 lead lost and a superb Mallorca performance that had no reward in the end was too much for Caparrós to bear with a sending off in the final seconds of the game, with the Andalusian’s notorious temper getting too much for him and the man-in-the-middle.
Mallorca’s fight and fire in the first forty-five minutes saw José Mourinho praising the opposition with the claim that “the team responsible for what we couldn’t do in the first half was Mallorca,” a useful reminder that when the big two do badly it isn’t always down to their own deficiencies but impressive opposition.

Sporting
A win so dramatic that at least one member of the Sporting side appeared to be in tears. A late Ruud van Nistelrooy equalising effort looked like producing a 1-1 draw in Gijón, until a whopper of an effort from Oscar Trejo in injury time gave Sporting a hugely important win.

Bad Day

Valencia
The Mestalla men are only just back from a long, relaxing winter break, but Unai Emery was blaming fatigue from a Copa del Rey double against Sevilla for a 1-0 home defeat to Real Sociedad, a second league match in 2012 without a win. However, Saturday’s opposition had just been smashed 6-1 by Mallorca in the cup but didn’t seem to be suffering any adverse consequences.
Valencia’s normal front two of Roberto Soldado and Jonas were absent from the starting line-up due to suspension and rotation, but their replacements of Ariz Aduriz and Dani Parejo in support simply didn’t deliver.

Osasuna
A first defeat at home for Osasuna, this season, to Racing Santander of all teams.

Sevilla
Watching a whole host of Sevilla players blast the ball over and wide of the goal again and again, left LLL feeling a little sorry for manager, Marcelino. The forward line fielded against Espanyol was fairly attacking for the normally defence-minded coach with Alvaro Negredo, Jesus Navas, Manu del Moral and José Antonio Reyes all in action.
But every one of those footballers were guilty of misses, especially in the first forty-five minutes, a run that contributed to a goalless draw in a less than impressed Sánchez Pizjuán. “After the first half we played, it’s not normal for it to end 0-0. But that’s football,” sighed Marcelino who is under increasing pressure after a run of four league matches without a win.

Granada
Fabri was furious on Saturday and as well the Granada manager might be after a 2-1 home defeat to Rayo. Fabri was angry at the ref - as all coaches are these days, except Pep Guardiola, and especially his players. “Matches are begun to be lost during the week, ” fumed the Granada boss, “every minute of training has a reason, not just for filling in a report and getting paid at the end of the month.”

Málaga
Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado, summed up Málaga’s situation the best when noting that although they were better that Sporting on paper, his own team had more spirit, fight and effort. Five league matches without a win and a cup knock-out to Real Madrid sees the Málaga project in some trouble at the moment.

Villarreal
José Molina now has to decide which Villarreal is the real team that he’s stuck in charge of. The side that went 2-0 up against Valencia last weekend or the one that was utterly hopeless in the 3-0 defeat to Atlético Madrid. The incredibly-gloomy looking boss who has the air of Miguel Angel Lotina in terms of misery was ruthless in his appraisal of his players after the defeat.

Zaragoza
15,000 fans demonstrating outside the ground and yet another chance for all three points missed at home for bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza who could only draw 1-1 with Getafe.

La Preview: Barça 'down to the bare bones' as Cristiano finds yet another critic

2012-01-14T09:56:00Z

Saturday

Zaragoza (20th) v Getafe (12th) - 18.00 (local time)
More institutional disharmony at bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza saw four members of a board only appointed on the 30th December quitting in a huff, on Tuesday. The complaining quartet, which included the club’s very short-lived Delegate Councillor, resigned their posts claiming that the autonomy over Zaragoza’s affairs, apparently promised by owner and president Agapito Iglesias, never came through. Amazing that.
The give-away to the group was Iglesias meeting Míchel, the first choice head of Manolo Jiménez for new manager after the sacking of Javier Aguirre, apparently behind the board’s back. LLL suspects that the free-and-single Guti’s Twitter confession that he had also been approached to join the s(t)inking ship, might have been the final straw.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Granada (15th) v Rayo Vallecano (13th) - 18.00
Curses! Both Christmas and Reyes are over, which means its too late for someone to buy LLL an intriguing sounding book that has just been released, but would probably take a lifetime to read. “Vallecas and Rayo, 1924-2011” by Rosa de la Vega weighs in at over a 1,000 pages and is “the bible of Rayoism, there’s been no such book that explains our history,” noted club president, Raúl Martín, on a epic volume that LLL would very much like a free copy of please having just plugged it.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (7th) v Espanyol (8th) - 18.00
Another bad week for Sevilla president, José María del Nido. Defeat to Rayo Vallecano in la Primera, a cup knock-out to Valencia and the Spanish ‘Fiscalia’ (legal types) looking for immediate prison for del Nido after his recent conviction for fraud, despite the appeal process to come.
On Monday the Sevilla top dog went before the judge who has to ponder over whether to give in to the official request or allow bail with certain restraints such has the removal of Del Nido’s passport and a hefty amount of cash being handed over.
Meanwhile, on the pitch affairs have focussed on the future of manager, Marcelino, due to Sevilla’s current poor results - a future that is assured until June, opines AS. But that assurance been heard one or times before in la Liga with very different outcomes.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (14th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
Now LLL really does enjoy a good old stir and Alfredo di Stefano is giving the blog good reason to have a huge, naughty poke over his utterances concerning Cristiano Ronaldo. After December’s Clásico defeat, the passport-swapping poacher wrote that “I recognise that Ronaldo was too ‘Cristiano’ for some to forgive,” when some locals booed the Portuguese forward for selfishness.
Di Stefano was at it again on Wednesday when questioned over whether it was the done thing for a footballer to be booed by his own fans. “The public have the right to do what they want as they are paying,” announced di Stefano, coming out in support of the...er...supporters. However, the Argentinean was back on message in his weekly column in Marca, writing that “Cristiano is the permanent Ballon d’Or of Real Madrid. Ronaldo is all gold.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Sociedad (16th) - 22.00
Valencia’s away goals-inspired victory in the Copa del Rey meant Unai Emery didn’t have to eat his words, one tiny letter at a time, thanks to a goal from Roberto Soldado in Seville, in Wednesday’s second leg, last 16 clash. Before what was to become a 2-2 draw over the two legs, the Valencia boss had been asked who was the better striker, Soldado or Alvaro Negredo.
Naturally, Emery chose his own man claiming that “Soldado is better from here to Lima.” That faith was restored with his striker’s 66th minute effort to give Valencia a quarter-final clash against city neighbours, Levante.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (11th) v Villarreal (18th) - 12.00
It takes a lot to make a grumpy LLL laugh early on a Wednesday morning, but an interview published in Marca did the trick. And if Atlético fans already suspect some unwarranted cruelty and belly-poking is on the horizon, the blog would like to point out that, by coincidence, a disbelieving Rojiblanco fan approached LLL on the topic of the same article on the same day.
The interview in question was with the astonishingly average Juanfran, who joined from Osasuna a year ago to replace Simao (worth a chortle in itself) and has done naff all since. But it’s all the fault of the managers in charge, so says the Atlético player.
“I’ve not played as much as I hoped for different circumstances” - like being no good, thought LLL. “I came as one of the best five wingers in Spain and look where I am after a year. What’s true is that I’ve disappeared off the map and I want to get back to my status now,” If that ‘status’ means being a half-decent midfielder at Osasuna, then LLL is sure that Atlético’s bosses will be more than happy to oblige with a swift transfer.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (5th) v Racing Santander (17th) - 16.00
An interesting philosophical debate was opened up by Osasuna boss, José Luis Mendilibar on Wednesday, when suggesting that “more than a miracle” was required to overturn Barça’s 4-0 lead in a Thursday’s cup game. Victor Valdés not once whining at the referee during a game perhaps?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Levante (4th) - 16.00
It was a no nonsense 4-0 win for Athletic Bilbao over Andrés Iniesta’s Albacete on Thursday night in the Copa del Rey to make sure that the Basque club did not go the same way as Albacete. The match which sets up a quarter-final tie with Mallorca (a heavy Joaquín Caparrós theme there) was brightened up though by an astonishing Messi-like strike from cult hero (i.e. not very good but tries), Gaizka Toquero, with a cracking back heel. “Toquero’s goal was great,” agreed Mad Marcelo Bielsa, “I’m very happy he scored it. He deserves it.”
Levante, meanwhile, came from 2-1 down against Alcorcón from the first leg to show the upstarts from la Segunda who’s the Mack Daddy by beating the Madrid(ish) side 4-0.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (19th) v Málaga (6th)
The day after Willy Caballero had spilled to give Karim Benzema a goal and Real Madrid the Copa del Rey tie with a 1-0 defeat, Málaga moved swiftly to add a bit of competition to the goalkeeping places. Not the best of timingw for Willy, although talks had been ongoing before the clash. The goalie who has joined the long list of newbies on the south coast is Carlos Kameni who has been an Espanyol outcast since the summer, despite a seven-and-half-year spell as a Perico.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Betis (10th)
While Iker Casillas has described the huge number of Clásicos played in 2011 and to come in 2012 as making the games “decaffeinated” the Barça press are very excited indeed at the thought of two more games, after Barcelona’s 2-1 win over Osasuna.
“How exciting!” yelled the front cover of Friday’s Mundo Deportivo. The problem for Barcelona, though, it that Pep’s Dream Boys may not have enough players to field in the two games, as well as the match against Betis. Maxwell has been flogged to PSG, David Villa is crocked, as is Andreu Fontás - possibly until the end of the season after an injury picked up in Pamplona. Ibrahim Afellay is still MIA, Pedro has picked up a knock and Seydou Keita is away at the Africa Cup of Nations. Time to activate that Bojan buy-back clause perhaps...?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Prospect of Clásico double moves ever closer as Madrid overcome Málaga

2012-01-11T14:02:00Z

Real Madrid's sturdy midfield ‘trivote’ and Málaga’s reliably hopeless attack took us all a giant leap towards two more Clásicos, starting next week. Oh joy.

A 1-0 Madrid win described by Marca as “pragmatic” and “a lesson in efficiency” came after Málaga keeper Willy Caballero spilled Karim Benzema's tame shot into his own net to help Madrid on their way to a 4-2 aggregate win. This left the Forces of Mordor with 48 hours to wait and see whether Barcelona could hang on to their 4-0 lead over Osasuna in Pamplona, and set up the second of a possible eight Clásicos in 2012.

Despite the fact Barça are these days apparently too fancy-pants to give their all on away day trips against the minnows, it’s a advantage that even the travel sick Catalans should be able to hang on to.

It was very much back to life, back to reality for Pep Guardiola on Wednesday, after being feted by FIFA at the beginning of the week. The big questions being put to the Barça boss ahead of the Osasuna clash were whether he felt the Spanish FA was out to get him after a last minute handball in the box by an Espanyol defender went unpunished in Sunday evening's derby draw, and why wasn’t he Mourinho-style mad as hell about it?

“What benefit is there in complaining? Are they going to give me points? Sometimes (decisions) are in our advantage,” said Guardiola with the kind of reasonable logic that’ll see him turned down for job after job in the ref-baiting Premier League for being far too sensible.

The two other games played in the cup on Tuesday night continued what has been a disturbingly interesting tournament this season. They were dancing in the streets of Miranda de Ebro near Burgos (up north, somewhere) after third tier Mirandés drew 1-1 at Racing Santander to seal a spot in the quarter-finals with a 3-1 aggregate win.

Mirandés will be facing either Córdoba or Espanyol - currently 2-1 to the second division outfit after the first leg - but it’s the money-spinning big boys that the Mirandés coach wants. “I prefer Espanyol as they are in la Primera,” beamed Carlos Puso.

Tuesday’s other game was an astonishing affair. Mallorca went into the clash with Real Sociedad trailing 2-0 from the first leg, a deficit which worsened when Ifrán gave La Real the lead on the night after 16 minutes. But then Mallorca went goal crazy - something that they have failed to do on a consistent basis this year - by scoring six, including four in a six minute spell in the first half. “I always said goals would come and that’s what I kept on thinking,” said Mallorca boss, Joaquín Caparrós.

Real Sociedad’s manager, meanwhile, was horrified by the enormous boot in the Balearics that his team had just taken.

“The attitude from my players hurt me a lot,” fumed Philippe Montanier. “Our elimination is incomprehensible. We didn’t respect the people of la Real, nor football, not Mallorca. I would qualify this as a lack of professionalism,” the beaten boss exclaimed in fine ‘no s**t Sherlock' fashion.

FIFA hand Barca a timely morale boost as Madrid face 'the first final'

2012-01-10T15:39:00Z

After hours of its passengers and crew screaming, hollering and generally making a bit of a racket, the dead in the water Barça boat was finally thrown a lifeline by FIFA’s passing luxury liner.

Rather than contemplate the fact the title race looks half way lost after Sunday’s draw with Espanyol opened a five point gap below the forces of Mordor in Madrid, the Ballon d’Or prize handed to a smoking jacket wearing Leo Messi on Monday evening gave the Catalan press the opportunity for some timely smugness.

As ever, Sport lead the way, with Josep Maria Casanovas going above and beyond the call of bragging duty by boasting that the event was “a recognition of the best club in the world. A homage to the stars that have turned the Camp Nou into the capital of world football. An extraordinary promotion.”

Over at Mundo Deportivo towers, Santi Nolla wanted to go on bended knee before Messi and Pep Guardiola for their personal tributes to Xavi and Tito Vilanova respectively after picking up their awards for best player and best manager. “The words and gestures in Zurich clearly show that the success of Barcelona, a great team, comes from sharing.

Although Marca were unusually generous in putting Leo Messi on the front cover of Tuesday’s edition in honour of the Argentinean’s award, the paper’s main concern - and that of AS - is Madrid’s Copa del Rey last 16, second leg clash with Málaga. Although there are technically five more games to be played until the final and Madrid have a handy 3-2 lead, Marca are fretting that the game in La Rosaleda is “the first final.”

Even Gonzalo Higuaín is getting in on the act by claiming that Málaga “always have good games against us” - aside from the 3-2 loss last week, the 4-0 defeat earlier in the season, the 7-0 thrashing last year, and the fact that Málaga have not beaten Madrid since the 1983-84 season...

The Cristiano Ronaldo sulk-gate story lingers on, with José Mourinho defending his pouting player. “If you are going to criticise a player for not celebrating goals then criticise me as I didn’t celebrate any of them,” said the Madrid manager. The other main story is Marca’s claim - and that of the footballer’s agent, no doubt - that English clubs are sniffing around Angel di María, with the player trying to renew his contract with the club and arrange a hefty pay rise.

There are two other matches also taking place on Tuesday night, with Racing Santander trying to spare some Cantabrian blushes by turning around a 2-0 deficit from the first leg against third tier Mirandés whilst Mallorca look to overturn the same scoreline at home to Real Sociedad.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça blow, cry baby Cristiano & barking Bielsa

2012-01-09T13:34:00Z

Good Day

Karim Benzema
The striker is the current French toast of the town - no, he hasn't been covered in egg yolk, though whatever the on-fire forward does in his own free time is his business. It was Benzema who kick-started Madrid’s midweek comeback against Málaga in the cup and it was the Frenchman who was the best of a bad bunch with a brace against Granada in a 5-1 win that gave Madrid a five point lead at the top of the table.
José Mourinho’s men were equally as lethargic as the side that was so dramatically blasted by the coach after Tuesday’s game, and found that Granada were quite hard-to-handle with the tie relatively open until the opening minutes of the second half. Fortunately for Madrid, the team’s league campaign is not the most challenging in January so the players have plenty more opportunities for a yawn, stretch and nut scratch before polishing off their opposition.

Levante
Although Levante could only manage a goalless draw at home to Mallorca - mainly thanks a great display from goalkeeper Gustavo Munúa - draws for Osasuna and Málaga and a defeat for Sevilla meant that the damage from two dropped points was limited.

Espanyol
It’s a very happy new year for Paul from Barcelona, who was at Cornella El-Prat to see what was a fairly newsworthy event in the Catalan capital.
“Call it poetic justice, fate or chickens coming home to roost. I myself prefer to see it as ‘live by the sword, die by the sword’. Yes, it was a penalty. Yes, it was handball (more later) but a quick history lesson sees the ref's decision as par for the course, but what's different here is that it went against Barça.
In 15 years of attending these games that's the first big decision that's gone in Espanyol's favour. So, I think fair is fair. On the subject of handballs, Leo Messi's reaction to his cheating is priceless. Best leading actor surely ?
Barça seemed strangely subdued last night. Was it the atmosphere - not as hostile as two years ago but still pretty intimidating - the Christmas break or Espanyol's tactics? Messi looked bored, Alexis cost how much! Xavi and Andrés Iniesta don't seem to have left feet. Playing three at the back didn't seem to work. If Espanyol had had a half decent striker instead of Thievy, the result could have been very different.
Hats off to Pochettino. Got his tactics spot on, especially second half when he brought on Javi López who had a blinder. Sergio García and Jordi Amat also stood out for me. The ref was ok in parts (especially at the end) but the linesman who spotted Messi's cheating, hand-to-ball not ball-to-hand like Raúl Rodríguez, had a 'mare. He gave a foul against Thievy when Puyol miscontrolled it and a blatant foul on the same player by Piqué right on the edge of the area.
Well done to Pep for taking the result with good grace and Sandro Rosell too despite his recent mad speech in Qatar. I've now seen the top two live and one looked way better than the other. Wasn't the one I was expecting to be honest.”
Paul, Barcelona

Marcelo Bielsa
A bad result for the Athletic boss, but a ‘good day’ prize for Bielsa for being so highly entertaining during Sunday’s afternoon game and keeping LLL more than occupied during a fairly plodding goalless draw with Getafe.
Not once did Bielsa sit on the visitor’s bench. Instead, Argentinean spent the Getafe clash crouching down at either side of the dugout and hugging the sides, along with the occasional squat by the touchline. As one Twitterer suggested, a ‘squat-off’ with Andrés Villas-Boas would be fine festive entertainment.
LLL was not a huge fan of his tactical changes to Athletic though - Javi Martínez is wasted at centre-back whilst there was no target man up front until Fernando Llorente was introduced in the second half as the forward recovers from injury.

Pepe Mel
A 2-0 win over Sporting suggests the decision from the Betis bosses to hang on to Pep Mel despite a run of just one point from thirty in a terrible phase in 2011 was the right one. Sunday evening’s victory was the club’s third in a row.

Atlético Madrid
Really hard to know where to stick Atlético Madrid this week, but for the sake of a bit of a change, it’s a ‘good day’ award for the Rojiblancos despite yet another doomed attempt to win away from home after a goalless draw at Málaga.
Despite just one game in charge, the stamp - no pun intended towards the Argentinean’s victims during his playing career - of Diego Simeone was clear to see on Atlético: an awful lot of tough tackling but not too much threat going forward.
There is much talk in the Madrid press in the post match reaction of concentration, intensity and foundations being built but some fancy football is going to be needed next week in a key home clash against Villarreal if Diego Simeone’s happy relationship with the Atleti fans isn’t going to last as long as a Kardashian’s marriage.

Rayo Vallecano
It wasn’t a particularly happy holiday in Vallecas after four defeats, a cup knock-out and the players refusing to attend the club’s Christmas dinner after a dispute over money with the owners. But spirits were certainly higher on Sunday with a boisterous, bustling busy 2-1 win over a lethargic Sevilla in front of truly fantastic fans.

Racing Santander
The 1-0 win over Zaragoza - an awful game by most accounts - sees the record of the managerial trio in charge of the team stand at two wins and two draws since the sacking of Héctor Cúper. They are also now out of the relegation zone by a point. Too many cooks? Pah!

Villarreal
Curses! It was all looking rosy for new Villarreal boss José Molina when his side lead local rivals Valencia 2-1 with just four minutes to go. But then the defence failed to clear their lines and Ariz Aduriz swept the ball home to level matters. Although Villarreal slipped into the relegation zone, a point against a tasty team seems some cause from optimism in el Madrigal.

Bad Day

Barcelona
While one doesn’t want to talk about counting chickens before the fat lady sings, she’s certainly tucking into a second helping of brownies and custard when it comes to Barcelona’s title chances. A combination of poor away form, the tendency to switch off during games, a bad recent record against Espanyol and a last minute penalty decision going against the Dream Boys left Barça five points behind Real Madrid after a 1-1 draw in Cornella.
But to be fair to Barcelona there has been very little moaning about the call that saw an unpunished handball from Raúl Rodríguez. There is a general acceptance that the nothing more was deserved for a starting eleven that was the same as the one that faced Real Madrid, but certainly didn’t put it as much effort.

Cristiano Ronaldo
The Portuguese player’s extremely pouty response to his first and Real Madrid’s fifth goal of Saturday’s victory has received a very hostile response in normally friendly waters. Although Aitor Karanka claimed that Ronaldo “was only angry because not everything worked for him,” nobody believed José Mourinho’s number two for a second.
Instead, it’s quite clear that Ronaldo is still the incredible sulk after being booed by some sections of the Santiago Bernabeu during el Clásico in December. “Cristiano is a magnificent player but sometimes his pride lets him down,” tuts AS editor Alfredo Relaño, with colleague 'Mad' Tomás Roncero suggesting that José Mourinho should "sit down with Cristiano and calm him down.”
Marca were equally as critical with Sunday’s editorial suggesting that “if Cristiano doesn’t like how the Madrid fans express themselves, the worst thing he can do is show it in the celebration of a goal.”

Dani Alves
Supporters in the stadium heard the racist noises aimed at Barcelona's Dani Alves, TV viewers heard them too. But it appears nobody else did, not even the Brazilian himself.
“I was very focussed on the game and didn’t hear anything. I never hear what goes on around me, but it took place then I condemn it. We hope to get rid of this kind of behaviour,” said Espanyol coach Mauricio Pochettino after the game.

Málaga
This season’s Málaga isn’t actually that good - notable exceptions such as Isco and Santi Cazorla aside - but a few decent results could see la Liga’s nouveau rich team making the Champions League places, which are just five points away, simply because everyone else around them is equally as disappointing or - as in in Osasuna and Levante's case - will probably lose form as the season goes on.

Marcelino
The Sevilla manager’s instincts are always to avoid defeat rather than go for the win, and this is costing Marcelino’s men badly, with the club now on a run of three league defeats. In the final half an hour, Sevilla showed how well they can go forward when two strikers are played after the introduction of Freddie Kanouté, but it was too little, too late despite Marcelino after the game talking about luck and the size of the Vallecas pitch.

Real Zaragoza
They may have a new manager in Manolo Jiménez, but the result was the same - a defeat, the club’s eleventh in 17 games. “No football, no heart and no soul,” blasted the match report from AS on a team that are bottom of the table with just ten points.

Sporting
If Zaragoza look set to take up the first relegation spot then Sporting could well be claiming the second. The away defeat to Sporting makes it just one win a five for Sporting.

La Preview: Sinking ships, aching goolies and Iker Casillas Avenue

2012-01-06T14:44:00Z

Saturday

  Racing Santander (19th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 18.00 local time  
La Liga returns from a Christmas slumber with a clash between the two biggest football boot-wearing disaster zones in la Primera. Racing are now being run by administrators due to no-one being entirely sure who owns and controls the club and huge amounts of pre-Christmas institutional in-fighting. The side itself is in the hands of three coaches whose supposedly temporary appointment was made permanent during the break when nobody was paying much attention. The trio, fronted by Juanjo Gonzalez, managed to lose 2-0 to third tier Mirandés in the Copa del Rey during the week.  
Zaragoza have a new manager in Manolo Jiménez but have lost a key player in the wonderfully named Ponzio, who announced he was joining River Plate while sniffling like a big girl at a farewell press conference. “There are people who understand me and those who don’t. But honestly I’m not leaving the sinking ship,” claimed the sinking ship-leaving midfielder.   
LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (4th) v Mallorca (14th) - 18.00
  LLL was already aware of the genius of Mallorca manager Joaquín Caparrós, but it had no idea of its depth. It turns out that the madcap Andalusian is the Primera coach to have served the most consecutive years in the division, with 11, and the most matches under his belt, with 390. The secret of this success, claims a modest Caparrós is Google and gadgety things. “He who doesn’t adapt to new times is dead. You have to innovate, learn and be creative. Before, you had run for miles to get information, today you have everything on the internet.”  
LLL Prediction - Home win

  Real Sociedad (15th) v Osasuna (5th) - 18.00  
The Osasuna collective wasn’t happy at all at the appearance of Leo Messi during Wednesday’s 4-0 cup defeat and not just because the Argentinean scored two goals. Like everybody else, the club had been lead to believe the forward would be missing the match with the flu, but instead Messi came on in the second half to contribute to Osasuna’s eventual demise. “If Messi’s stomach was aching then my goolies ached too,” scoffed an unhappy Osasuna club president, Patxi Izco.
  LLL Prediction - Draw  

Real Madrid (1st) v Granada (13th) - 20.00  
On Thursday, Iker Casillas attended the opening of his own street in his home town of Móstoles, to the south of Madrid. As well as being probed about being the oddness of Iker Casillas walking along “Iker Casillas Avenue”, the goalkeeper was asked for his opinion on José Mourinho’s rant about his players traveling too much over Christmas and enjoying the holiday festivities a bit too enthusiastically. Unsurprisingly, for a footballer who advertises beer, the club captain was a fan of the latter. “(Holidays) are for disconnecting, for being with family, for spending time doing other things and not thinking about football.”   
LLL Prediction - Home win

  Málaga (7th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 22.00
  In the end, José Antonio Reyes slipped quietly into the night to return to Sevilla which is very much against the grain at the club with memories of the long drawn-out departures of Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán still fresh. Although there is a bit of paperwork to be done at time of writing - sorting out the reported €1.5 million the club owes the whining winger for one - the €3.5 million deal is done and dusted. How to replace Reyes is now the challenge for new boss Diego Simeone, who made the worrying admission this week that “I spend 24 hours a day thinking about Atlético Madrid,” which really can’t be healthy.   
LLL Prediction - Away win  

Sunday  

Rayo Vallecano (16th) v Sevilla (6th) - 12.00  
In the final dispatches of 2011, LLL reported that Sevilla president José María Del Nido had been found guilty of fraud during his time as a lawyer working in the sleaze pit of Marbella and was to be sent to the slammer. However, due to a lengthy appeal process Del Nido won’t be going to prison just yet. But this does not mean that his life will be completely footloose and fancy free as the Sevilla big wig has to visit a judge on Monday to see what constraints he may suffer, including the possibility of having his passport taken away.   
LLL Prediction - Away win   

Getafe (12th) v Athletic Bilbao (9th) - 16.00
  LLL will be dropping in on this particular game after a Sunday morning session in Vallecas and may well be watching a visiting side lead by the next Barcelona manager. With Pep Guardiola yet to confirm his career intentions (a 2013 departure is a good bet) the paper talk is that one of his mentors, Marcelo Bielsa, could be the successor. “Bielsa has the capacity to be manager of Barcelona, there’s no doubt,” confirmed the current Barça boss.   
LLL Prediction - Away win

  Villarreal (17th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00  
A local derby against a side fresh from a 1-0 win over Sevilla in the Copa del Rey is not exactly an easy start for new and very temporary Villarreal boss José Francisco Molina, who has taken over from the fired Juan Carlos Garrido. But that doesn’t mean the new manager sucking up sessions have not begun, with the disappointing centre-back Cristian Zapata getting his work in early. “Molina is very demanding, he wants is to work hard on pressuring and not giving the opposition any breathing space.”  
LLL Prediction - Away win   

Betis (11th) v Sporting (18th) - 19.45
  LLL suspects 2012 might be a bad one for Sporting, who are going to find it tough going in their relegation battle, which could ultimately be doomed. Still, Manolo Preciado is staying positive even if the blog isn’t saying that his club’s situation “is not dramatic” but difficult instead.   
LLL Prediction - Home win  

Espanyol (8th) v Barcelona (2nd)   - 21.30
AS have been driving home their “Villarato” nonsense again - the campaign that suggests the Spanish FA is in the pocket of Barcelona - by using an attempt by Pep’s Dream Boys to have the first tie of the club’s cup clash with Osasuna switched to Pamplona to allow time to have the pitch changed at the Camp Nou. This request was denied leading AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, to claim that “they’ve over abused the influence they’ve invested in,” at the FA.   
LLL Prediction - Away win

Mourinho fumes as lethargic Madrid struggle to shake holiday hangover

2012-01-05T09:39:00Z

Aside from eye-poking, mumbling, slouching, wearing body-warmers and being a prolific conspiracy theorist, José Mourinho's one defining characteristic as a manager is that he doesn’t tend to openly criticise his players. Other than Karim ‘the *** cat’ Benzema.

So anyone who hadn’t caught Real Madrid’s first half display against Málaga in Tuesday's Copa del Rey clash would have realised that the forces of Mordor must have been absolutely rotten for forty-five minutes, given that the Madrid manager admitted “if I could have, I would have changed eleven players [at half-time]".

Instead, Mourinho brought on three newbies after going into the break 2-0 down in the Santiago Bernabeu, thanks to two identical headed goals from corners. It was a triple change which worked a treat and transformed a lethargic, lackadaisical side “with no tension” and clearly still on their holidays into a bustling busy-body, Benzema-inspired outfit which scored three goals to give Madrid the advantage in next Tuesday’s second leg in Málaga.

Mourinho threw another titbit to the press by suggesting that some of his players may have been a little too festive during the winter break, a rest that the Portuguese is not exactly a big fan of. “Some use their holidays to rest, other use it for constant travel, having fun and eating at their father’s house, their aunt’s and their grandmother’s.”

This has, of course, lead to a tremendous guessing game in Spain - well, in LLL’s household anyway - in trying to identify the guilty culprits. Marca helped things along a little bit by publishing photographs of Cristiano Ronaldo playing with dolphins in the Maldives, Kaká in Dubai and Iker Casillas in a bar surrounded by friends and one or two beer bottles. “The Christmas album that Mourinho did not like,” stirred the paper.

There was no such controversy for Goody Two Shoes, sort-of sponsored by UNICEF Barcelona, of course, with the European champions all tucked up in bed - by scantily-clad supermodels, no doubt - before 10pm, having knocked four past Osasuna in their first leg cup clash on Wednesday, setting up the all too real possibility of two more Clásicos in January in the next round. Huzzah...

Pep’s Dream Boys were one of the few Primera clubs to put in a proper evening’s work in the cup. Racing Santander managed to lose 2-0 to Segunda B side, Mirandés, whose main striker works in a bank. Athletic Bilbao were held to a goalless draw by Andrés Iniesta’s Albacete and the mighty Real Madrid-slaying Alcorcón beat Levante 2-1. The Copa del Rey being as it is, all three top flight sides have the chance to correct their mistakes next week in their home legs.

The best tie of the lot takes place on Thursday evening, as Valencia host Sevilla in a battle of two teams likely to be taking the tournament very seriously indeed. Unai Emery is especially up for the game, sensing “connotations of life and death” in the two-legged clash, making the Valencia man one of the few working up a sweat over the competition at this relatively early stage.

Holiday season extended indefinitely for sacked trio of managers

2012-01-03T12:00:00Z

A holiday-celebrating LLL turned its back for just a few minutes and found la Liga had been up to all kinds of naughtiness, like a toddler smearing doo-doo onto a freshly painted wall. It's just one of the reasons why the idle blog never made it as a babysitter during its teenage years.

Although LLL is still searching through the landscape for more managerial debris, as far as it can tell there were three Primera coaches fired during the Spanish league’s winter window. One was entirely predictable, the second was a bit of a surprise quite frankly, while the third was eyebrow-raising at first but not that unusual after considered reflection.

Gregorio Manzano bought the managerial biscuit in no uncertain terms after Atlético Madrid's home loss to Albacete. The Copa del Rey exit ended Greg’s second coaching spell at the Rojiblanco loon house. The club moved quickly to replace him by hiring former player Diego Simeone, as the next manager to be fired by his new bosses in six months' time.

“Today is a new cycle for Atlético Madrid,” trumpeted club president Enrique Cerezo, using a very apt word considering Atleti 'cycles' tend to end back where they started – with some poor chump being sacked. “We need to get the team’s spirit back,” noted Simeone, whose first training session was held at the Calderón with 5,000 fans attending.

Villarreal prompted a rather surprised ‘golly’ from LLL by parting company with Juan Carlos Garrido, who last season led them to fourth place and the Europa League semi-finals. But Garrido got the boot after awful performances this year in la Primera, the Champions League and the Copa, from which they were knocked out by lowly Mirandés.

“It was not a surprise,” announced the club’s former No.2, who quite clearly has greater predictive powers than the blog. Former Atlético and Deportivo goalkeeper and Villarreal youth team manager José Francisco Molina is taking over until the end of the season, with the Yellow Submarine a little on the skint side these days having made a €16m loss last season.

“We want to show that we’re not inferior to anyone and our hard work will put us where we belong,” promised Molina, whose first game in charge is against Valencia this weekend.

The third club to fire their coach was Zaragoza, by some distance the most ridiculously run side in la Primera. Club president Agapito Iglesias has the itchiest trigger finger around and disposed of Javier Aguirre with the club rock bottom of the table and out of the cup at the hands of second division Alcorcón.

Iglesias then appointed a new board whom he described as “honest people, Zaragoza forever who feel the club’s colours and can help,” which would make a nice change. Part two of the plan was to appoint former Getafe boss Míchel, but the man who kept the Madrid side up then led them to the Europa League decided that the Zaragoza seat was a little too hot for his posterior.

Back-up choice Manolo Jiménez, last seen on Spanish shores being jettisoned by Sevilla, has taken on the fun challenge of keeping Zaragoza up with a fine bit of bum-kissing. “I’m not coming to a team at the bottom of the table, but an historical great that is Real Zaragoza.” Now he simply needs to follow that PR victory with one on the pitch – which would be the side's first since October.

Manzano left facing Atlético axe as Simeone waits in the wings

2011-12-21T12:19:00Z

The fact everyone had actually been gathered together to talk about a football match had been pretty much forgotten in the Atlético Madrid press room on Tuesday evening.

Instead, the pre-match conference became a feeding frenzy, with battered, beleaguered boss Gregorio Manzano on the menu. Most of the questioning centered on whether a Copa del Rey game a day later was going to be the manager’s last in charge of Atlético Madrid.

“Ask me about Albacete, not about rumours,” pleaded a weary Manzano, to no avail.

Atleti have to turn around a 2-1 first leg deficit in Wednesday evening's clash at the Vicente Calderón, but the real focus of the media’s attention was the news that former Rojiblancos midfielder Diego Simeone had resigned from his post as manager of Argentine club Racing Club de Avellaneda in expectation of taking over in the Spanish capital.

The appointment could be confirmed as soon as Monday, so say AS, who see the move as a done and dusted irrespective of what happens in Wednesday’s game.

When quizzed regarding the possibility of Simeone returning to the club he represented over 125 times during two spells, the most recent ending in 2005, Rojiblanco president Enrique Cerezo told Argentine radio he would “end up being manager” at Atlético, which to LLL sounds more like some kind of vague threat than a prediction or promise...

Another Spanish big cheese making a declaration on Tuesday was Sevilla president José María Del Nido who held a press conference a day after he was found guilty of fraud by a court and sentenced to seven-and-a-half years in prison. Unsurprisingly the ever cocky and confident Del Nido revealed that he planned to stay on in charge of Sevilla despite the conviction as in his mind the legal process was far from over.

“The sentence can be appealed and while it is not firm I remain innocent of everything,” claimed Del Nido, who said he gave the concept of standing down for the good of the reputation of the club some consideration but then eventually thought better of it, what will all the big lunches, comfy seats and free match tickets.

“I’ve been through the good and bad sides. I understand my position as president benefits the institution more than it can damage its image, although it’s true that it will seem damaged,” admitted the Sevilla president who received banners of support during Sevilla’s 2-1 cup win over San Roque, a result that sent them though the next round of the Copa, where they were joined by Real Madrid, Mallorca and Espanyol the other winners from Tuesday night’s games.

Past catches up with Sevilla President Del Nido

2011-12-20T16:14:00Z

Outside Spain, the billionaire’s paradise of Marbella is known as a sizzling, sunny spot to park a North Sea ferry-sized yacht and put one’s Russian or Middle Eastern feet up for a while.

Within the country, though, Marbella has a well-earned reputation for being a sinkhole of festering, filthy corruption for the past couple of decades.   

The town and surrounding area was the power base for the horrendously dodgy former Atlético Madrid president and Marbella local mayor, Jesús Gil, who died in May 2004 after a spectacular existence of boorish behaviour, corruption accusations, fraud, prison sentences and tons and tons of pie.   

The legacy of Gil continued in Marbella with his former lieutenant, Julian Muñoz, taking over the role as Mayor and also ending up in the slammer for fraud - something that has made him a bit of a folk hero with Spain’s Telecinco channel which has followed his life and loves over the past decade with great interest.

  The connection between these two figures - aside from both being despicable people - is that their lawyer was Sevilla president, José María del Nido, who was also up to his armpits in illegal activity in Marbella, declared a court on Monday in the long running corruption ‘Caso Minutas’ trial, which examined Del Nido’s role as a legal advisor to the city council.  

“Del Nido was a willing accomplice criminally responsible for offenses of continuous fraudulent activities in tenders, corrupt practices and embezzlement of public funds,” the court ruling said in sentencing the Sevilla president to prison for seven-and-a-half years.

NEWS Sevilla chief Del Nido sentenced over fraud

  The 54-year-old who has been president of Sevilla since 2002 will not be straight to jail though as there is still an appeal process to go through which could take quite some time, years even. However, it has started a debate on whether a convicted criminal should be in charge of a Primera football club (as opposed to a whole host of not convicted but probably should be ones, perhaps).   

Although Del Nido is set to give a press conference on Tuesday evening to discuss his present and future, a leading shareholder, Rafael Carrión, has called for the president to step down. “If I were him, I’d resign, as Sevilla cannot have a criminally convicted president. It damages the entity.”   

Del Nido, though, is popular with fans for having saved the club from near oblivion in the first part of the last decade and having led them to incredible success in Spain and Europe, a run of trophies that included two UEFA cup wins. However, message boards in Spain do also reflect that a number would be somewhat uncomfortable about having a crook as a leader.

  The support from the club itself since Monday’s sentence was past has been firm with sporting director, Monchi, wanting to “give out a message of confidence, affection and calm.” Sevilla coach, Marcelino, also offered his “total and sincere support," adding, "my hope is that he stays on as Sevilla president for many more years to come.”    

As well as Del Nido’s immediate future and that of the club being somewhat uncertain at the moment, it will be interesting to see what happens to the vigorous campaign lead by the Sevilla president on seeking a fairer distribution of TV rights between the 20 Primera clubs.

After all, what right does anyone have to talk of what’s fair or not when they have spent many years ripping off Marbella tax-payers to the sum of €2.8 million.  

It wouldn’t be at all surprising if Del Nido stayed on at his post whilst the legal process continued. The tolerance for corruption in Spain is fairly high, mainly because it is unfortunately so prevalent in Spain, especially in local councils.

What’s more, Del Nido’s dubious past connections have hardly been a secret, although something conveniently ignored by the media. Until Monday that is when the Sevilla president’s past finally came back to haunt him.

Tim Stannard's Primera Liga XI

2011-12-19T11:45:00Z

The mission set by the evil FourFourTwo masters sounded an easy one at first. Pick your la Liga XI to take on a side from the Premier League. “Easy,” thought LLL “Barcelona with a couple of Real Madrid players thrown in for good measure.”

The catch though was that the side had to be made up of players from eleven different clubs, not so easy considering 18 of the 20 la Primera outfits are, to be brutally honest, not really much good. In fact, it was a torturous exercise of jiggling, poking and swearing, but here are the results in a sort of narrow 4-3-3 formation.

Thibaut Courtois - Atlético Madrid
While the rest of the Rojiblancos are merrily underperforming - as they tend to do every year - the 19-year-old Chelsea loanee has been a solid performer between the sticks, with the Belgian goalie making lingering memories of David de Gea seem distant.

Juanfran - Levante
The selection strategy has been to pack the midfield and forward line with talent and then hope for the best in defence. Especially in the fullback area. Yes, Juanfran is 35 and is getting on a bit, but Juanfran has also been a rock in one of the best teams in la Liga in 2011, statistically speaking. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, buddy...

Adil Rami - Valencia
Fast, tough, aggressive and quite scary at the back as well as very handy in the opposition box, the French international has been one of the buys of the season, and is Valencia’s very valuable contribution to la Liga’s best XI.

Iñigo Martínez - Real Sociedad
Spanish U-21 defender extraordinaire, future full team regular and a centre-back who also likes to score goals from his own half - something that Martínez has done twice this season.

Miguel Torres - Getafe
This was a real problem position and the whopping weak spot of the team. Miguel Torres is the best of a bad bunch of Racing and Zaragoza players available as although the Getafe fullback is incredibly unspectacular, has a fear of crossing the half-way line, Torres is reasonably competent and consistent.

Javi Martínez - Athletic Bilbao
A tough-tacking, box-to-box, rampaging World Cup winner who can also play in defence which may be necessary from time-to-time in this particular line-up. A powerful, physical footballer that any Premier League team would love to have anchoring their midfield.

Borja Valero - Villarreal
His team may not be having the best of spells at the moment with Valero’s form suffering too, but the Villarreal playmaker has been one of the consistently best Primera players over the last couple of seasons - an expert at nearly every type of set-piece, cross and pass imaginable.

Santi Cazorla - Málaga
Playing in front of his former Villarreal teammate, Borja Valero, it’s Santi Cazorla - a footballer with wonderful technique, brilliant creativity, a cheeky smile and a Spanish international who would have had an awful lot more caps by now if it weren’t for the fact that’s he’s in existence on the earth at the same time as footballers like Andrés Iniesta, David Silva and now Juan Mata.

Cristiano Ronaldo - Real Madrid
Positioned on the left of a front three it’s the one and only Cristiano Ronaldo, a footballer that many knockers forget scored an awful lot of goals playing for Manchester United, as well as the century and then some of strikes he’s banged in with Real Madrid. The manager’s only concern is whether Ronaldo and a certain Argentinean in the squad will speak to each other - never mind pass.

Leo Messi - Barcelona
It was a serious temptation to drop the wee Argentinean to bring in Andrés Iniesta to the midfield or even have the defence lead by Gerard Piqué, but the decision was made to go on the all out attack and adopt the policy of scoring more goals than the opposition - something Leo Messi might be able to help with.

Alvaro Negredo - Sevilla
It was a tough choice between the Sevilla striker and Fernando Llorente for the front man position, but Negredo nicks it due to the requirement of Javi Martínez to add some steal to the midfield and help out at the back. However, the former Madrid man more than justifies his position as a forward who can score goals ranging from the simple to the spectacular. Negredo is also a footballer who was the top scoring Spaniard in la Liga last season with 20 goals.

FEATURE FourFourTwo's Premier League XI

Good Day, Bad Day: Saint Iker’s save, Soldado’s strikes & Manzano's misery

2011-12-19T11:43:00Z

Good Day

José Mourinho
The Madrid manager still looked utterly miserable after his team’s 6-2 victory over Sevilla, and as well he might considering he had to face endless questions from ranting local journalists about the financial inequalities in la Liga, all of which were met not unreasonably with indifferent shrugs and responses of ‘not my problem, mate’.
Mourinho had claimed as early as Monday that his side would bounce back from their Barcelona battering and be top of the table at Christmas, and so it came to pass. While Barça have struggled away from home this season - Santiago Bernabeu aside - Madrid continue to take their away day adventures very seriously indeed, something that could be key when the title race continues in 2012.

Iker Casillas
Cristiano Ronaldo and Angel di María should have a couple of spots in the Good Day section but, quite frankly, LLL is a little bored of writing about their endless goals and assists. For the record it was four and two for the pair respectively on Sunday. Instead the blog has decided to shine its torch of truth on Iker Casillas, this time around, as the Madrid captain hasn’t really had the chance to pull any whoppers out of his goalkeeping net this season.
‘San Iker’ certainly did in the Sánchez Pizjuán with an astonishing stop from Manu del Moral, that was reminiscent of an effort against Diego Perotti two years ago in the same fixture. That was followed by another fine effort from Piotr Trochowski to help withstand an early battering from Sevilla and keep Madrid in the game to produce their eventual thwacking.

Roberto Soldado
Two cracking goals for the Valencia man making it 11 in la Liga this season, ends a worryingly wobbly spell for the Mestalla men and seals what has largely been a solid start to the season for Valencia despite the club’s Champions League exit.

Osasuna
Drawing 1-1 with visiting Villarreal with just ten minutes to go, Osasuna needed something old school to break the deadlock. And that’s what they produced, with Sergio scoring a trademark header from a trademark corner for another trademark Osasuna victory that sees the Pamplona side in fifth going into the winter break.

Thievy
Espanyol’s rather exciting young French striker Thievy launched a screamer of a shot just two minutes into the match to give Espanyol a 2-1 win at Sporting. It gave Espanyol back-to-back wins before the winter break to help calm a few concerns about a Perico lack of firepower.

Athletic Bilbao
It certainly wasn’t a mighty purty performance to beat Zaragoza 2-1, with Athletic down to ten men after the referee sent off Javi Martínez for a perfectly good tackle and gave the visitors a penalty in the process. But Athletic kept on plugging away in the second half when Zaragoza were also reduced to ten men and local hero, Gaizka Toquero, came up with a late winner to end a run of three matches without a win.

Pepe Mel
Betis are being rewarded for sticking with coach Pepe Mel, despite a awful spell that produced nine defeats and a draw. Betis have now won their last two games and looked more than decent in Sunday lunchtime’s 2-0 victory over Atlético Madrid.

Getafe
Seeing Getafe playing away from home and ending up scoring more goals than their opponents is a most peculiar sensation seeing as the Coliseum club hasn’t managed it since December 19th of last year, making three points on their travels a newly-formed Christmas tradition for Getafe. Saturday’s 2-1 win over Mallorca after two goals from Abdel Barrada was also the first time the side had managed two or more league victories in a row in about a year. The last time that happened was (anyone, anyone, anyone?) December 19th last year.

Racing Santander
The goalless draw against a 10-men Real Sociedad still keeps Racing in the relegation zone but the result does see the Cantabrian club undefeated in the last three games ever since their trio of trainers took over from Héctor Cúper.

Bad Day

Sevilla
To lose 6-2 at home is more than a little careless. To do it two years in a row to the same opponent as a hapless Sevilla have now managed is quite ludicrous. In just one match, Marcelino’s men managed to increase by half and then some the goals that a previously tight Sevilla had conceded so far this season.
A host of early chances were missed - LLL is looking at Manu del Moral for a couple of them - and Real Madrid scored whenever they wanted. “I have the feeling that we’re a team that has highs and lows and we played a match today that’s very hard to explain,” mused Marcelino the manager.

Gregorio Manzano
LLL discovered that it did have a heart after all. The blog was up in the stands watching the Atlético Madrid manager on the touchline being roundly abused by the crowd for a good 45 minutes. It’s no wonder Manzano prefers to sit on the bench - something that also generates wrath from the Vicente Calderón crowd.
Despite Atlético playing reasonably well for much of the game against Betis, the side simply weren’t able to take their chances with the horribly off-form Falcao missing two very early sitters which would have surely given the Rojiblancos a comfy victory. Instead, Betis stayed patient, waiting for Juanfran’s inevitable errors and came away from the Spanish capital with a 2-0 win - a defeat for Manzano that will surely be the end for his brief but troubled (second) spell at Atlético Madrid, a team now just four points off the relegation zone.

Sporting
Three defeats in four for Sporting, the most recent of which against Espanyol, leaves Manuel Preciado with a fun of a five month relegation battle to come in 2012.

Villarreal
Sporting's failure to pick up points this weekend leaves Villarreal out of the relegation zone, but only on goal difference. The 2-1 defeat to Osasuna on Sunday sees Villarreal fans set to suffer a very unhappy Christmas.

Zaragoza
Some comedy defending some Zaragoza against Athletic Bilbao, especially in the first half for Markel Susaeta’s goal, sees Javier Aguirre’s side going into the Christmas break, rock bottom of the table and on a run of five straight defeats. “The dressing room is really down, but la Liga carries on,” admitted the club’s plucky Mexican manager. “Other clubs are moving away from us, but where there’s life there’s hope.”

La Preview: Barça baiting, Manzano's must-win match and Ruud behaviour

2011-12-16T12:50:00Z

Two weeks ago

Barcelona 4-0 Rayo Vallecano
Already played thanks to Club World Cup-enforced rescheduling, but LLL would have said 4-0 anyway

Saturday

Mallorca (11th) v Getafe (13th) - 18.00 (local time)
Although LLL was at the Coliseum last Sunday to see Getafe’s truly awful 1-0 win over Granada - a memory it is trying to obliterate through the means of meths - it didn’t hear the boos for forward Miku from a section of the home support. That’s largely because a section of the home support in Getafe’s case is about eight boisterous 14-year-olds trying to be heard from the other side of the stadium.
There was apparently a repeat of the boo-age on Tuesday during Getafe’s 1-0 Copa del Rey home defeat to Málaga, something that manager Luis García did not like one bit. “We are killing an important player and this doesn’t help. He’s upset and hurt,” claimed the Getafe boss on his suffering striker.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (18th) v Espanyol (8th) - 18.00
Well someone at AS certainly had too much time on their hands this week. After Espanyol’s thrilling goalless draw at Celta Vigo, an excited hack found out that the two times that Espanyol won the Copa del Rey in 2000 and 2006, the campaign began with a 0-0 draw in the first round away leg that....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 20.00
The club described last weekend as “dead and without a soul” stuck its president and owner, Agapito Iglesias, before the press this week, potentially behind a big iron fence to hold back extremely irate fans who feel with some justification the Zaragoza overlord is a truly incompetent figure. Iglesias told the world that he wasn’t going to indulge in one of his favourite hobbies - firing coaches - by sacking Javier Aguirre despite his team being bottom-of-the-table. “ We’ve never doubted him,” claimed the Zaragoza big cheese.
To make up for this lack of sacking action, Iglesias promised that he will do the next best thing in terms of sensations that make him feel tingly and that’s bring yet more footballers in. Potentially through a new agency he is setting up to do precisely that activity.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd) - 22.00
There was a rumble in the Spanish capital that the Madridista Marca would get up to some mischief in regards to Barcelona just at the same time that the Catalan club was in Japan attempting to win yet another trophy. Through pure coincidence of course. And low and behold, Wednesday’s front cover claimed David Villa was set to be sold either in winter - unlikely now after what happened in regards to his leg - or over the summer, due to both the player’s poor performance and the desire of the fed-up forward to leave the Dream Boys.
Pep Guardiola responded to such naughtiness by saying that “Marca are lying” an accusation that the never ever, ever make stuff up paper angrily objected to in an editorial on Thursday.
“We have a duty to millions of readers that we consider sacred,” stropped the paper. “No story that we don’t believe in is published. Our intention is always the same, to inform,” continued the editorial causing an enormous coffee sputter and coughing fit from the amused and bemused LLL.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (10th) v Real Betis (14th) - 12.00
While Atlético were preparing to embark on the first of three home games Gregorio Manzano needs to win in the space of a week, Betis boss Pepe Mel was having a bit of a barney at his players after a 1-0 defeat to Cordoba in the accursed Copa del Rey. Having been fairly supportive and diplomatic throughout the season, despite the failing form of his footballers, Mel went all Vin Diesel on his squad ranting that “there are players who aren’t taking the chance to make a difference and make things difficult for the squad selection for the next game.”
Mel’s fury reportedly saw whopping dressing room and coach home rants - something that the soon to be outcast striker, Jorge Molina, certainly didn’t seem to appreciate. “If this is what he thinks then he needs to say to the player’s face,” stropped the forward.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (15th) v Levante (4th) - 16.00
Another side who had a bad time of it in the Copa del Rey were Granada who travelled up to San Sebastian to be beaten 4-1 by Real Sociedad. The club’s president, Quique Pina, was apparently so upset by the loss that he was threatening to force the squad to travel back to the south of Spain from the north coast by coach. AS report Pina then cooled his heels a little and allowed the Granada players to go back by plane the following morning as planned.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (7th) v Villarreal (17th) - 18.00
Another match and yet more misery for Villarreal who could only manage a 1-1 draw at third-tier Mirandés. However, it is a treble yay for Sunday’s opponents who beat Almería 3-1.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (19th) v Real Sociedad (12th) - 19.45
Last Sunday, Racing’s Alvaro celebrated his first Primera goal by giving his shirt away to a supporter in the crowd in the side’s 1-1 draw against Athletic Bilbao in San Mamés. But then poor Alvaro regretted his decision realising it might have been nice as a bit of a memento, especially as he may not be scoring too many more times in this particular Racing team.
So the young defender used something called Twitter to try and get the shirt back. “I wasn’t thinking because of the excitement! Ha! Ha!” explained the Racing stopper. The story had a happy ending though with Alvaro being contacted by the not so lucky supporter who handed the sweaty shirt back to its first owner.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Valencia (3rd) v Málaga (6th) - 21.45
A goalless draw at Cadiz meant more melancholy for Valencia after the defeats to Chelsea and then Levante. But there was some cheery news at least with the announcement that work to restart on the New Mestalla after a couple of years ‘pause’ whilst the club nearly went bankrupt.
The gossip from Málaga according to Marca (yes, them again...) is that there was a bit of a tiff between Manuel Pellegrini and Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who has had a busy season not scoring goals for the southern side as well as sitting on the bench for the whole of the Real Madrid game - something that kicked off a riff between the pair. This fall-out eventually lead to Van Nistelrooy being left out of last weekend’s squad that took on Real Sociedad, although the Dutchman did return for Tuesday’s cup win against Getafe.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Ronaldo set to take aim at Copa del Rey cannon-fodder

2011-12-13T11:53:00Z

Having spent the last two years building up Cristiano Ronaldo into some untouchable God-like figure, the Madrid press have changed tack this week, unleashing a rather brutal two days of knocking the Barça-bottler down to size. AS gave the fallen hero the hardest kick in the goolies, publishing a photograph that appears to have the Portuguese bowing down before Leo Messi.

However the period of mourning has been well and truly ended with Ronaldo being built back up again as the King of the World. Marca report that a glum, intense Cristiano was training more or less on his own on Monday, with Tuesday’s headline digging into the Madrid man’s psyche to discover “anger and pride.”

“Cristiano feels wounded and in debt to Madridismo,” claims the paper. Whether or not Ronaldo has spent the last few days tossing and turning in bed with voices screaming “Failure! Loser! Don’t worry it happens to everyone!” will go unanswered, but that’s certainly the case with LLL.

With near perfect timing, Ronaldo has his favourite dish being served up on Tuesday night to help the forward regain his scoring appetite - helpless cannon fodder who will put up minimal resistance. But rather than being of the Osasuna variety, Real Madrid’s next opponents are set to be even more accommodating when it comes to helping Ronaldo boost his scoring stats - a side from the third tier of Spanish football, no less.

The team in question are Ponferradina, a club lying in second place in the second group of Spain’s ‘Segunda B’ - rather like England’s League One, but nothing like it at the same time. The match up near León is the start of Real Madrid’s defence of the Copa del Rey and follows the usual format of the competition: adjust the draw so that the biggest teams play the smallest over two legs, with the first one always being away from home to give the minnows the tiniest chance possible of creating an upset. “To reappear in an uncomfortable setting of the first match of the cup is a sign of the bravery of Cristiano Ronaldo,” oozed an admiring Marca.

José Mourinho is set to play Ronaldo along with some other big guns like Kaká and Gonzalo Higuaín. Speaking ahead of a match the Madrid manager claims to be a dangerous one, Mourinho revealed some exciting news to the club’s fans who may have been fooled by all the league tables that had been published since Saturday’s defeat. “We are leaders,” he claimed, despite the annoying fact they are not and will only be so if they pick up at least a draw at Sevilla on Saturday.

The Copa del Rey is so useless as a competition that not even Ponferradina are taking it remotely seriously, knowing it is utterly rigged against them. “Our league is Saturday’s,” claimed manager, Claudio Barragán. “On Tuesday, it’s a party to enjoy, it’s for everyone.”

It’s a party to be enjoyed by the well-healed especially, it seems, with Ponferradina having charged its own season ticket holders an extra €35 to watch the game with the cheapest tickets left for the ordinary José costing €100.

Atlético Madrid have already played their first leg of the cup against Albacete - losing, of course - and so have Barça, who are now poncing about in Japan at the World Club Championships and having their photo taken on public transport as if it’s some kind of thrilling, exciting event - the footballer’s equivalent to normal folk visiting the Grand Canyon or perhaps meeting David Hasselhoff.

That leaves a bunch of other big sides playing small-fries on Tuesday night and a gaggle of all Primera clashes to be played in front of 500 fans - that’s certainly the case with Getafe who take on Málaga at 21.00 at night and will do so next week in Andalusia in front of a crowd which could even stretch to four figures.

Good Day, Bad Day: Proud Pep, imperious Puyol & Ronaldo's big fat zero

2011-12-12T12:35:00Z

Good Day

Pep Guardiola
Another trip to the Santiago Bernabeu for the Barça boss and yet another triumph for his Dream Boys, with Guardiola yet to be defeated as a manager in the heart of Mordor.
After the game, struggling with a heavy cold, Guardiola praised his players for sticking with their passing principles and staying patient, despite enduring an opening 20 minutes in which little went right for the visitors.
Guardiola made special mention of Víctor Valdés after the game, a goalkeeper who had a howler in the opening seconds with a poorly-aimed pass but still continued to play short balls, despite the obvious knock to his confidence and the testing, slippery conditions.
Barça are still too flakey away from home in smaller games to be completely confident of another league title win this season, but this pegging back of Madrid in the Bernabeu certainly didn’t do their chances any harm.

Carles Puyol
Absolutely magnificent at centre-back and right-back, the two positions the Barcelona defender played in on Saturday night. The man of the match for LLL by some measure.

Levante
What a team! What players! What a story! What a win over Sevilla, technically rivals for a Champions League spot this season given Levante are in fourth with a five point gap over their Andalusian opponents.
The 1-0 victory stemmed from a defensive calamity for Sevilla when, during a goalmouth scramble, Javi Varas couldn’t pick the ball up due to a back pass, something Alvaro Negredo failed to realise, leaving the ball sitting on the goal-line for Nano to welly home.
Levante have surely passed the “need 42 points to survive” mark and must be thinking of the mid-50 region, which could see a top six finish, especially as the likes of Sevilla, Athletic Bilbao and Málaga are dreadfully inconsistent this season.
The spirit in the camp of the Valencia side is summed up by midfielder, Iborra, whose new born baby, Alma, died just days before the game. The footballer told his manager he was ready to play on Saturday, and play he did, coming on with nearly half an hour to go before later leaving the pitch in tears at fulltime. “His professionalism came above everything else,” said Levante manager, Juan Ignacio Martínez.

Osasuna
Another tough as old boots performance from Osasuna produces a point at Málaga and keeps Osasuna in seventh.

Espanyol
Ever dependable Atlético Madrid turned up at Cornella on Sunday night and rolled over for their tummies to be tickled by Espanyol in a 4-1 defeat. Paul from Barcelona was there to see what happened...

Well, who saw that coming? The team line-ups revealed that Alvaro had been dropped to the bench and Rui Fonte and Thievy were starting for Espanyol and Atlético’s line-up made you think, “I thought they had more well-known players than that.”
Atlético started brightly, then the roof caved in. A poor clearance from Courtois was won by Romaric (note to Espanyol : stop faffing about and sign him) went to Verdú, who out of nothing, placed a long distance shot into the bottom corner. Four minutes - 1-0. Two minutes later Verdú ran about 40 metres, beat two defenders and the goalie - 2-0.Then the goal of the match for me, Romaric ran at the “defence” played a one-two and hammered it across the keeper into the far corner - 3-0.
Espanyol were totally dominant but we were expecting Hurricane Atlético in the second half. We got light-breeze Atlético. A mazy run from the hard-working Sergio García bought Espanyol’s fourth.
In the end, a fab performance from an Espanyol team missing four regulars and an awful performance from a team missing a bloke who still has Sevilla curtains in his bedroom. Lovely Atlético fans, the only ones in the league who don’t applaud along with the Jarque tribute, by the way, had left way before the end.
Paul, Barcelona

Mallorca
The 1-0 victory at Zaragoza was the side’s first away win in nine months.

Rubén Castro
Two injury time goals for the Betis striker against Valencia gave his team their first win since dinosaurs walked the earth. “We went out against the third best team in the league without fear, attacking and we were better,” said coach Pepe Mel, whose Betis side have perked up considerably in the past couple of games to put the breaks on a slide towards the bottom of the table.

Getafe
LLL had the pleasure of attending a truly dreadful match between Getafe and Granada in the Coliseum that should have been a goalless draw had it not been for a Javi Casquero shot taking a deflection of a visiting player and going in for a 1-0 win for the home team. Even the ever cheerful Getafe coach, Luis García, was happy to admit that the game was a bit of a stinker when it was all done and dusted.

Nacho Novo
Two goals in one game. Miraculous stuff from the former Rangers man in Sporting’s 3-1 win over Rayo, though the victory wasn't enough to drag the Asturian side out of the relegation zone thanks to a dreadful start to the season.

Bad Day

Cristiano Ronaldo
It's hard not to feel a tad sorry for the rich, talented, supermodel-bothering billionaire, who is getting such a battering from the Madrid fans and press that you’d thought he’d walked out onto the Santiago Bernabeu pitch for the Clásico and peed on a picture of Alfredo di Stefano. Heck, Marca even gave the footballer zero points from three in the paper’s post match ratings.
Ronaldo’s two huge misses and continued failures against Barcelona - Copa del Rey final aside - have given more ammunition to his knockers, who feel that despite the hundreds of goals whacked in against Osasuna, Ronaldo fails to deliver when it counts. Even some of Ronaldo’s teammates have waded in to defend the forward with Iker Casillas saying that “Cris has given us a lot of goals and titles (one anyway - LLL), it’s not fair to doubt him now.”

José Mourinho
It was praiseworthy of Mourinho to have faith in the attacking aspects of his team, with the Madrid manager choosing to play the formidable front four that had contributed to 15 straight wins, rather than a tough tackling trio in midfield. In doing so, the Madrid manager added to what was a surprisingly entertaining game, compared to recent encounters. But Mourinho will have to go back to the drawing board once again in the challenge of properly bringing down Barcelona.

Unai Emery
Looked quite, quite forlorn after Valencia’s incredibly late defeat to Betis on Saturday. For a while it looked like a miserable loss to Chelsea was going to be softened a tad by a hard-fought intense 1-0 victory away at Betis. That was certainly the case at 90 minutes before Rubén Castro popped up with a brace. “Victories and defeats come from details” claimed the Valencia boss, using a bit of the vibe that Mourinho was to dip into after his own ‘details’ defeat to Barcelona, a couple of hours later.

Sevilla
A decent win over Getafe on Monday gave the impression that Sevilla had turned a bit of a corner. But Marcelino’s men played like porridge on Saturday in the 1-0 defeat to Levante with the Sevilla coach lamenting his side’s “comedy goal” that was conceded.

Málaga
A draw at home against Osasuna leaves Málaga in sixth and failing to take advantage of another slip up from Sevilla or gain ground on Levante in fourth. With the continuing disasters that Villarreal and Atlético Madrid are this season, Málaga are missing out on a fine chance to grab a Champions League place.

Athletic Bilbao
Another slip-up at home for Athletic with a late goal conceded against Racing Santander leaves the Basque team with the same number of points as Atlético Madrid. Not a lot of people know that.

Atlético Madrid
Where to start...? With the defence, probably, who were stunningly awful in the four goals scored by Espanyol. Even by Atlético’s terrible standards. The 4-1 loss to the Pericos sees the Rojiblancos without an away win in la Liga this season, with the fans utterly miserable and coach Gregorio Manzano very, very close to the sack.

Rayo Vallecano
Defensive disasters cost Rayo a 3-1 defeat at home in Vallecas to Sporting. Sunday’s loss sees the side with four defeats in row to drop them down towards the relegation zone. Unfortunately there’s no time to move back up the table again before the winter break as Rayo have already played - so to speak - next week’s game - the 4-0 defeat to Barcelona.

Villarreal
Yet another bad day for Villarreal, with a 1-1 draw with Real Sociedad in El Madrigal leaving the side out of the relegation zone only on goal difference.

Zaragoza
Bottom-of-table and set to stay there for a while after a home defeat to Mallorca. “A dead team with no soul” write Marca on a Zaragoza outfit whose owner and president, Agapito Iglesias, simply couldn’t be more unpopular if he tried. Which is something he’ll probably look to do this week.

La Preview: Iniesta buys stake in a football club as Atlético plan a big move

2011-12-09T11:24:00Z

Saturday

Levante (4th) v Sevilla (5th) - 18.00 (local time)
It could be striker switcheroo time at the Sánchez Pizjuán over the winter transfer window, with Frederic Kanouté possibly off to join Samuel Eto’o at Anzhi with the Malian’s agent, Christoph Mongai, revealing that there have been offers from “Qatar, the US and Russia.” It is claimed Sevilla will look to replace one forward signed from Tottenham with another, with Mexican Giovani dos Santos, who did rather well for Racing Santander on a loan spell last year under current Sevilla boss Marcelino, said to be their primary target.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Betis (17th) v Valencia (3rd) - 20.00
In either an act of kindness, sensible thinking or because the club is too broke too pay for an expensive dismissal, Betis president Miguel Guillén has claimed that Pepe Mel can sleep soundly at night - something the coach admitted hasn’t happened too often recently - and not fret over his immediate future. This is despite a run that has seen Betis take just a single point from their last ten games.
“Whatever happens against Valencia, Pepe Mel will finish the season. He’s our manager, we signed him for three years for a long project and has our confidence,” claimed Guillén.
LLL - Draw

Real Madrid (1st) v Barcelona (2nd) - 22.00
Despite such vast bitterness and bragging being hurled about by the media and fans of the two feuding sides - hugely enjoyably for LLL to cover throughout the week, of course - the blog is instead going to bring a heartwarming tale of a footballer remembering his home town club.
Andrés Iniesta was unfortunate enough to come from the rather empty, desolate zone surrounding Albacete, whose football club he played for before being whisked off to la Masia as a nipper. But Iniesta has remained a fan of the third tier club had has leant a helping hand to an institution in financial difficulties by becoming Albacete’s majority shareholder after a €420,000 investment, which gives the Barça midfielder a 21% stake in the club.
LLL Prediction - Draw (1-1 to be precise)

Sunday

Rayo Vallecano (11th) v Sporting (19th) - 12.00
Despite Sporting currently struggling for survival in la Primera - and winning that battle of late - the supporters and members, all 21,800 of them, are pretty much always behind the players and coach in a very non-Blackburn way. That’s because the Sporting massive remember all too well how things were in the club’s recent history, claims president, Manuel Vega-Arango in an interview - and over huge lunch by the looks of it - with Marca.
“We’ve come from being a club with nearly €60m in debt, no owners, partners or sponsorship, that was in genuine ruins in the second division and on the brink of relegation. This was not that long ago,” recalled Sporting’s big cheese.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (15th) v Real Sociedad (13th) - 16.00
Although Manchester United supporters and certain members of their playing squad may not be happy with tootling about in the Europa League, Villarreal manager Juan Carlos Garrido misses the tournament like mad.
Last season, the Yellow Submarine made it all the way to the semi-finals. This year Villarreal managed to lose all six games in the competition's bigger, sexier, richer brother, the final defeat being against Napoli on Wednesday night.
“We’ve paid with physical and mental blows,” admitted the Villarreal boss. “It’s easier to be in the Europa League. The Champions League has its cost.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (16th) v Granada (12th) - 16.00
With fans cheering outside the ground, Granada ran out to an empty stadium on Wednesday to play the final half an hour of their clash against Mallorca - the game that had been suspended on 20th November with Granada winning 2-1 after an umbrella hit an assistant referee in the face.
The match finally ended 2-2 with Mallorca being awarded an iffy penalty which made the whole experience a miserable one for Granada manager, Fabri, who was not a happy camper at all. “What happened today was theatre that began with the suspension of the match that had a fourth official available. We could have saved ourselves good money.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (18.00) v Osasuna (7th) - 18.00
The accusation was enough to bring the fullback to tears. the notion that the Betis player was helping the club with whom he spent last season by providing an insight into his current side's tactical masterplan ahead of their meeting last weekend. The moment came when a camera caught Nelson chatting to Osasuna number two, Alfredo, before last weekend’s defeat in Pamplona and apparently explaining to the coach how Betis would line-up even before the teams had been formally announced.
However, the very upset - and probably quite worried - defender claimed it wasn’t as bad as it looked. “Alfredo had two pieces of paper, one with the whole squad and one on which I appeared. The other had those called up, and in different colours the starters and subs,” explained the big Betis sneak. “I asked him who was going to play, it wasn’t him asking me. I didn’t know the eleven!”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (20th) v Mallorca (14th) - 18.00
If there’s one team who should have been accustomed to playing in a stadium without fans it’s Mallorca, who were hosted by Granada and the side’s empty ground on Wednesday night.
The Iberostar stands are regularly bereft of bodies, so Caparrós knew from experience that “football without crowds loses a lot” and that “playing without supporters is more difficult for the home team.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Racing Santander (18th) - 19.45
LLL was quite taken aback to read that Fernando Llorente was on the brink of physical collapse. Well, the striker’s left knee, anyway. Apparently the big man of Bilbao has been playing in some pain and needs a rest having not missed a league game since November 2009, featuring in 79 consecutive matches. Which is quite mad really.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (10th) v Atlético Madrid (8th)
With ex-players and ex-managers gathered together on Monday - it was a very large room - Atlético Madrid revealed the plans for the club’s new stadium due to be opened in time for the 2015-16 season. The 67,500 capacity ground is set to be paid for by the proceeds of the sale of the land of the current - and extremely rundown - stadium, and is located on the east side of the city, and will be a big pain in the bum to travel to should LLL still be about in four years time.
Unfortunately, the club’s Director General Miguel Angel Gil was unable to take charge of the proceedings on the night having suffered injuries from falling down the stairs - club president, Enrique Cerezo, was not thought to be present at the time - and so it was left for journalist Juan Ramon Lucas to call for what Marca described as “an emotive applause for the late Jesús Gil,” - a figure not particularly popular among many sections of the Atlético Madrid massive.
LLL Prediction - Away win

FFT 100: good news for Spain, bad news for la Liga

2011-12-08T12:17:00Z

If England had won back-to-back European Championship and World Cup titles, there would have been motions in Parliament calling for the national side to withdraw from all future competitions. After all, no team has ever made it three tournament victories in a row, so the only realistic future would be complete football failure followed by months of gloomy introspection in phone-in shows over where it all went wrong and how everything was all Fabio Capello’s fault.

This is the unappetising scenario that Spain will be trying to avoid in Euro 2012. However, unlike the excitable English in their alternate dimension, Spain will be going into the tournament in a rather a downbeat mood before a ball is even kicked.

Once all the debris and other more unmentionable material had been hosed and in some cases scraped off the streets after Spain’s 2010 World Cup victory, the country got back to business fairly swiftly with barely a mention, never mind a gloat over the glorious goings-on in South Africa.

This is partly because the Spaniards are a fairly modest and perhaps even insecure bunch, despite the ‘Viva España!’ flag-waving image, and also because of the subsequent economic collapse of the country that sees 22% of the population unemployed and nearly one in two young people out of work. Although Andrés Iniesta’s goal will forever be remembered with a fond smile and a toast, it doesn’t pay the mortgage.

It’s this sense of national unease that currently surrounds the Spanish side, despite the dutiful tub-thumping and cheerleading of the sports papers. Spain’s inability and even unwillingness to perform in friendlies, which sees defeats to Argentina, Portugal, Italy and England along with a disastrous recent performance against Costa Rica, certainly doesn't help confidence levels either. What’s more, the continued growth and progress of Holland and Germany are also being watched closely, considering these were two sides that Spain had to squeeze past on their way to their World Cup victory in South Africa.

Nevertheless, from a non-Spaniard perspective, the future is looking incredibly rosy for Spain judging by FourFourTwo’s 100 Best Players in the World results. The country contributes nearly a fifth of the footballers with a record total of 19, eight ahead of their nearest rivals, Brazil. It's an enormous leap since the list was first published in 2007 and reflects Spain's current position as the best international side on the planet.

Whilst the double-winning French side of 1998 and 2000 was made up of a single ‘golden’ generation, the conveyor belt of talent for la Seleccíon looks good for another six-year cycle. Players such as David Silva, Juan Mata, Santi Cazorla, Fernando Llorente and Javi Martínez are all ready to take over from the current Spanish starters, and then there are future stars such as Ander Herrera and Iker Muniain at Athletic Bilbao – footballers who are more than hungry enough to keep the trophies coming for la Furia Roja.

The results of the Top 100 aren’t just promising for the national game but also la Liga, with the Premier League losing the bragging rights of being The Best League In The World (TM) by contributing 30 players to the list compared to la Liga’s 31 – a swing of seven players since last year's list. This is largely in part to the continued growth of Barcelona, who now have 14 footballers in the top 100 – the most of any club side – and the sudden spurt of Real Madrid, who had just six players in 2007 but have now doubled that figure due to the purchase of players like Mesut Özil.

However, it isn’t all good news for the Spanish game. The country’s third-best team, Valencia, doesn’t have a single footballer in the list, now that Juan Mata, David Villa and David Silva are all gone, and only five players of the 31 do not feature in the ranks of the big two.

That’s a situation that is only likely to worsen, with Villarreal, Valencia and Atlético Madrid always set to be selling clubs. Although Málaga may continue their big spending that saw the purchase of Cazorla – one of the top 100 – it will never be enough to make a dent in the world-class strength of Barcelona and Madrid.

The results show that Spain still have plenty of reasons to be cheerful ahead of Euro 2012 and even the next World Cup, despite their current mini-downer. Even la Liga has some ammunition to its sponsor’s claim of being The Best League In The World (TM).

But the Top 100 also showcases the continuing trend of la Liga being the smallest league in the world, with the gap between the top two and the also-rans growing not just financially, but also in terms of footballing talent.

Valencia’s shame, Barça’s boasts and Mourinho’s mistranslation

2011-12-07T13:49:00Z

They let themselves down, they let la Liga down, they let the blog down and most of all they let poor Unai Emery down, their coach who lost the battle of being the coolest young manager on the block to his ginger-tinged Chelsea counterpart.

Valencia’s 3-0 defeat to Chelsea, which means the Mestalla men will spend the start of 2012 diddling about in the Europa League along with Stoke, produced little sympathy in Wednesday’s Spanish papers.

Marca branded the loss as “cruel, but deserved”. “A bad day to make such huge defensive errors,” notes Enrique Ortega on Chelsea’s first two efforts in Stamford Bridge. “The best players are in the Champions League and Didier Drogba deserves to be in it,” admitted the AS match report, which had no complaints about the result either.

Even the ever-enthusiastic Valencia coach had his antenna drooping a little in despair after the rather comprehensive defeat as Emery pretended to look forward to the prospect of 25 matches to come in UEFA’s special losers-and–outcasts competition. “We need to raise ourselves again, in this case it’s for the Europa League," he brave-faced. "We can be comfortable there and we want to win it.”

Stand and deliver: Emery and Villas-Boas

No such problems for Barcelona, whose 4-0 win over BATE allowed the Catalan press to spend a few minutes away from talking about how Iker Casillas is terrified of Leo Messi – Sport’s headline on Wednesday – to be tremendously smug about the fact that it was largely a second string side, with the assistance of Pedro who popped up with a couple of goals.

“[The youngsters] showed their merits before an international audience, that there’s hope and that la Masia is the centre of a marvellous production process,” boasted JM Artels, citing an “international audience” as only 37,000 came to the Camp Nou to see this glorious future out on the pitch.

Sport's Joan Vehils was particularly excited by the notion that a well-paid footballer turned up for a game and sat on the bench for 90 minutes without a showbiz strop. That admirable figure was Gerard Piqué who is “an example” for such brilliant behaviour.

"We're up late on a school night!"

A mixture of Real Madrid’s first team, Castilla squad and Esteban Granero will be facing Ajax in Wednesday’s Champions League dead rubber in Amsterdam as José Mourinho looks to equal a club record from the early 1960s by winning 15 league and European ties in a row.

The Madrid manager seemed to be in good form – snarky – when he claimed that the UEFA translator changing an answer given in English into Spanish had missed out a large chunk of his response to a question from Dutch TV in regards to last season’s match which produced sudden yellow cards for his players and a UEFA suspension for Mourinho.

And to be fair to Mourinho, that had happened with the translator dutifully reporting that the Madrid coach was delighted to be back in Amsterdam but failing to reproduce his remarks that only he has been punished by the organisation for forcing yellow cards and not anyone else.

Asked by the press to repeat everything in Spanish, Mourinho huffed “I’m not a translator” – a claim that will never find agreement among Barcelona fans.

Pep brings shame on Spain while Emery looks for Valencia victory

2011-12-06T11:54:00Z

It was the kind of comment that gets La Liga Loca quite cross. Arms folded, feet stamping cross.

It was the kind of comment that drags the reputation of supposedly the best league in the world through the mud, into a sewer, over a bush, across Charlie Sheen’s bedspread and back into the mud again.

It was the kind of comment that should see Pep Guardiola made to sit in a corner until the end of the season and think very, very, very hard about what’s he done.

No, Pep didn’t get his revenge for José Mourinho’s Super Copa eye-poke by hitting Aitor Karanka over the head with a tennis racquet, nor declare independence for Catalonia. Instead, the Barça manager dared...DARED!...to suggest there were more important things going in the world than the seventh Clásico of 2011, a match which may or may not have significant bearing on this season’s title race.

Ahead of Barcelona’s Champions League clash with BATE, the disrespectful Barça boss insulted ‘the most important game of the century (honestly we mean it this time)’ by claiming that what really mattered in the world was going on elsewhere. In somewhere called ‘Europe’. And involving a global economic collapse. “What happens on the ninth of December and Merkel and Sakorzy saving the Euro, not the Clásico,” mocked the coach, who should have his bench-sitting license taken away, if indeed one is required in the first place.

Pep probably thinks famine and war are more important than football too, the weirdo...

In doing so, Guardiola made light of all the brilliant observations being written in Spain ahead of the game. Observations such as the claims made by AS that the referee for Saturday’s game, Fernandez Borbalán, hates Madrid and loves Barça, as demonstrated by a red card he didn’t give to Dani Alves in a match against Racing in the 2008/09 season. Or by missing a handball by a Barça player which halted an Esteban Granero shot last season.

The kind of observation that sees Marca reporting that Mourinho’s master plan is headed by the notion of Real Madrid not conceding a goal in the game - or at least not the first one. The kind of observation that sees the Barcelona press resorting to “Come on! We’re nicer than Real Madrid! Much nicer! Look! Unicef! Messi’s hair!” as their justification for their claims of an imminent Dream Boys victory at the Santiago Bernabeu.

The kind of insight that sees Valencia’s rather important match against Chelsea on Tuesday pushed into second or third place - something that the blog is now also guilty of. Curse you, Pep!

The Mestalla men have travelled to London with the mission of either beating Chelsea or getting a score draw to get through to the knock-out stages and save all kinds of hassle for Unai Emery from the club’s misery-guts, moaning fans. For this reason, LLL was willing to overlook the Valencia coach’s claim that “this is a final” when it isn’t on the grounds that one of the two teams on Tuesday will be going out of the competition. Probably. LLL is still too irate to look at the Group E table (good guess - ed).

Should Valencia be the ones sent packing, then Emery noted that “the economic side is important but what’s essential is the feelings of the fans,” - i.e ‘they’ll be on my frackin’ back from now until May.”

But LLL doesn’t think it will come to that and fancies Valencia to pick up a handy scoring draw, especially when the form of Roberto Soldado is taken into account, a player who may be doing the thumb and index finger 'loser' gesture to Fernando Torres at the end of the night. It would be another shameful moment for Spanish football of course, but no worse than the disgrace that Pep Guardiola has already brought to the game this week.

Good Day, Bad Day: Hair Trigger Soldado, Super Cesc and a Grinding Granada

2011-12-05T12:18:00Z

Good Day

Angel di María
He may something of a diving, face-clutching, faking little so-and-so, but he's still having an extraordinary campaign with Madrid. Saturday’s fairly routine 3-0 victory over Sporting was kicked off with a goal from the Argentinean after awful defending. Di María then popped up with an assist for Madrid’s second after another strike from Cristiano Ronaldo.
“Many people didn’t understand why we bought di María,” Mourinho said after the game of a player who now has 10 assists in la Liga this season. “He came from Benfica after he didn’t have a good year and after a World Cup where he didn’t shine. But I knew this kid had a lot to offer.”

Cesc Fabregas
A brand new hair-do for the Dream Boys midfielder - LLL approves, incidentally - and another rampaging performance in a simple 5-0 win over Levante that saw two goals from Cesc and tongues a waggin’ in Spain over whether the former Arsenal man will make it into the starting line-up for a certain game at the Bernabeu on Saturday night. LLL fancies that he will. At least for today, anyway.

Roberto Soldado
One deft touch and ecstasy was Saturday’s story for Roberto ‘hair trigger’ Soldado, who came off the bench with 15 minutes to go in the clash against Espanyol to poke the ball home with a header from a corner for his ninth league strike of the season. It was the Coentrao-style highlight of a rather snooze-inducing performance from Valencia. Still, it was job done and Valencia are now just four points behind Barcelona with a game in hand.

Osasuna
Seventh - yes, seventh - placed Osasuna are just five points from the Champions League places after a very late winner against Betis at a stadium where the side are still unbeaten this season.

Atlético Madrid
Monday’s papers have been rather sniffy about Atlético’s performance in the 3-1 win over Levante, but LLL was on the spot in the Vicente Calderón and thought it was a considerable improvement on recent efforts at Rojiblanco Towers. While the scoreline was a little flattering in the end, there was rare movement and effort from the Atlético players in front of a 50,000 crowd that seems to rather enjoy midday kick-offs, largely because of the drinking time they afford straight afterwards.

Granada
The Andalusian newbies have now moved into mid-table with a 1-0 win over Zaragoza. Effectiveness is the main tactic of Granada who have won all four of their matches this season with a one goal margin with just six scored in 13 games. Granada have another chance to repeat the feat on Wednesday with the last 30 minutes of the team’s match with Mallorca being played, a clash where Granada are 2-1 up.

Real Sociedad
Two wins in two matches for la Real and two victories managed in remarkable fashion for the side from San Sebastian. Last week’s winner came from a half-way line wonder in injury time. Sunday’s 3-2 victory over visiting Málaga saw Real Sociedad losing 2-1 with two minutes to go before a cracking overhead strike from Carlos Vela evened things out before a cool, calm and collected finish from Ifran won the match in injury time.
“I’m not totally happy with the way we are winning games. We can’t always use direct football at the end of games,” fretted la Real boss, Philippe Montanier, on his side’s new Hail Mary approach to football.

Racing Santander
Three former players took charge during with the week after the resignation of Héctor Cúper and it seemed to do the trick with a 1-0 win over Villarreal, just Racing’s second victory of the season to lift the strugglers off the bottom-of-the-table.
“We couldn’t have dreamed of a better night,” admitted the most vocal of The Trio, Juanjo González, who should probably eat more Red Leicester before going to bed at night by the sounds of it for proper Inception style madness.

La Liga Loca
3-0 to Real Madrid was the pre-match prediction from the blog for Saturday’s clash against Sporting. 3-1 was the predicted scoreline for Atlético Madrid’s win over Rayo Vallecano. But both results came very late in the day with even the blog doubting its own undeniable brilliance in the forecasting department.

Bad Day

Athletic Bilbao
After what was by most accounts a rather sluggish performance from Athletic, Marcelo Bielsa’s side are slowing down a touch having failed to win for the second game running, the latest being a 1-1 draw against Mallorca.

Espanyol
A desperate lack of fire power up front leaves Espanyol without a win in five games now.

Rayo Vallecano
No matter where or when Rayo play, the side from Vallekas always bring the ghetto noise and give it a go in every game, something that has brought the team 16 points this season, but none in the 3-1 defeat to Atlético.
“We have played now in the grounds of all the big teams and we have always taken them on,” boasted Rayo boss José Ramón Sandoval with some justification.
The boisterous Rayo supporters also made their presence felt in the Vicente Calderón with sparkling witty political debate with the Atlético Ultras on the opposite side of the ground with the general argument going “you’re a bunch of fascists! Pah! You’re a bunch of commies!” Not unlike the recent general election discussions in Spain come to think of it.

Villarreal
Absolutely blooming awful against Racing in what looked like very bad news indeed for Manchester City fans who are looking for Villarreal to get something out of Wednesday’s Champions League clash against Napoli. “We have to show more passion, courage and effort,” complained Juan Carlos Garrido on a team who could barely manage a shot on target in a game that really mattered never mind a meaningless midweek match in el Madrigal.

Betis
A considerably sprightlier performance from Betis may keep Pepe Mel in his job for a little while longer - cue instant firing. Betis were battering Osasuna at times in the second half and holding the Pamplona outfit to a 1-1 draw. Then came an injury time free-kick winner from Javad Nekounam to stuff things up. “It’s the first time I used the word luck,” lamented the Betis boss, but we had very little today.”

Zaragoza
Not exactly LLL’s favourite side in the world for too many reasons to mention at the moment, so it doesn’t exactly break the blog’s heart to see Zaragoza at the bottom-of-the-table after a run of seven games with just the single point picked up.
“(Owner) Agapito has put into the club an irreparable decadence and each match is the representation of this inertia,” ranted Mario Ornat in Monday’s AS.

La Preview: Racing’s woeful week and Ronaldo’s icy stare

2011-12-02T12:17:00Z

Saturday

Sporting (18th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 18.00 (all kick-offs local time)
One of the season’s finest moments came during the AS awards ceremony dinner held on Monday - not the usual location for hi-jinks and fun. A mischievous tyke had decided to put Cristiano Ronaldo and Atlético Madrid president Enrique Cerezo together on the same table, just two days after the Rojiblancos - and Luis Perea in particular - had dished out a bit of punishment to Ronaldo’s ankle during Saturday’s derby.
The general argument between the pair can be summarised as “your mob are a dirty bunch,” more or less followed by "well you lot started it and are worse", although the Atlético president failed to remember Marcelo’s name, something that can’t be said of a section of his club’s more racist support. But the confrontation was all about Ronaldo’s icy stare - a gaze not even Paddington Bear could hope to equal.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Racing Santander (20th) v Villarreal (12th) - 20.00
It’s been an undeniably lousy, forgettable week for both clubs. Héctor Cúper resigned from Racing along with his coaching staff after just one win from 13. Cúper handed in his notice to the administrators currently running Racing, before releasing a statement through the press advising that he “didn’t want to hurt the club any more.” The slight piece of good news for Racing is that by resigning, Cúper gave up the payment which would have been due had the the Argentinean been sacked.
Villarreal lost 2-1 to Málaga on Monday and then had Nilmar’s agent making it very public indeed that his client wanted out. “Nilmar wants to win a title, something that won’t happen at Villarreal,” complained Horacio da Hora who said Roma have been sniffing around. “Villarreal are desperate for forwards now that Rossi is out so it’s difficult to negotiate at the moment,” whinged the Brazilian’s buddy.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (2nd) v Levante (4th) - 20.00
La Liga Loca has gone all Mr T and is pitying the poor fools who sit on the Spanish FA’s Competition Committee. It’s these sorry souls who will at some stage on Friday have to make a decision (none made at time of writing) on whether Gerard Piqué’s yellow for time-wasting on Rayo was deliberate and thus worthy of a two game ban or just the standard single match. Seeing as the referee didn't mention any naughty motives from the Barça defender in collecting his caution, the group’s hands may be tied and the one match ban will stay.
If that is so, then the Madrid papers are likely to going nuts with the claim that the FA are backing Barça all the way whilst the Catalan press will be moaning that the laws of the game have not been followed and Piqué is being victimised due to Madridista pressure. LLL recommends sick leave from everyone involved until February.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Espanyol (9th) - 22.00
“Away from football, you aren’t going to hear about Miguel,” promised the disco-loving Valencia fullback back in September during a decent spell of form. It appears that if wasn’t for a dressing room mole that would still be the case. But instead a story broke early this week that the Portuguese overslept for the umpteenth time in his Valencia career and arrived late for Sunday’s training - with a subsequent paddling from Unai Emery.
Marca report that the Valencia boss was so furious that this story reached the press that he gave the footballers a lengthy lecture about unity and other concepts that are largely absent from the Mestalla dressing room. Unfortunately, this private chat was also leaked meaning a tough week for the under-fire Valencia players.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (10th) v Rayo Vallecano (11th) - 12.00
Atlético’s current plight is not particularly enjoyable for the club or its fans, but it is not quite in the desperate terms reported by marauding midfielder Assunçao, who irritated the heck out of LLL by claiming that “there are 25 finals left, if we pick up a lot of points we can be in the Champions League places.”
With such crashing tedium and cliché, the Brazilian managed to both break the record of ‘x finals left’ and state the bleeding obvious too.
Assunçao also revealed a new management structure at the Vicente Calderón club in discussing his contract situation. “My future belongs first to God and then to Manzano and he decides.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (17th) v Málaga (5th) - 16.00
For the first time in a month or so, the topic of whether la Real boss, Philippe Montanier would be fired or not wasn’t the talk of the town in San Sebastian. Instead, if the half-way line hero Iñigo Martínez.
The young Real Sociedad centre-back has now scored two goals from inside his own half, against Athletic Bilbao and on Sunday, Real Betis. An intrepid AS tracked down one of his former coaches in la Real’s youth set-up and probed him thoroughly on whether these long range roasters have always been part of the 20-year-old’s armory. “These huge shots haven’t been a surprise as he’s alway had a great strike on him, but it seems he’s saved them for la Primera,” chuckled Imanol Idiakez. Martínez himself claims that “if I get a third chance, I won’t hesitate in giving it a go.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Osasuna (7th) v Betis (14th) - 18.00
The match that Betis boss Pepe Mel is likely to need to win to keep his job seeing as the Seville side have now managed to pick up just one point from the team’s last nine games. Heck, Mel has even got support from a member of the club’s administrators - the new thing in Spain, it seems - things are that bad. “There’s absolute confidence that Mel is going to change the team’s way of playing as he set it up and implemented it,” claimed José Antonio Bosch in management speak for “you made the mess, now fix it.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Mallorca (15th) v Athletic Bilbao (8th) - 20.00
Well, it seems like there’s some life in the old Mallorca dog yet. The Balearic club is one of many that are in administration, debts, no money, etc but it seems Mallorca could be rescued from their penury by a handsome stranger on horse. And clutching a cane too. But hopefully there’s no mad hidden wife being kept in an attic.
Marca are reporting that parties from Arabian lands are interested in club - a nice place to park some yachts - and the ubiquitous agent, Jorge Mendes, is helping everyone get to know each other. More news will apparently be forthcoming after a creditors meeting in the middle of December.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Granada (16th) v Real Zaragoza (19th) - 21.30
As way of a bit of house-keeping, the final 30 minutes of Granada’s suspended clash with Mallorca will take place on the 7th December at 19.30. Just so you know.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Sevilla (6th) v Getafe (13th)
In other foreign ownership news, the eventual takeover of Getafe is set for a big date in April when the final decision will be made on whether the romantic proposal made by the Royal Emirates Group last season to bond with the Madrid club will be followed by the football club being formally taken up the aisle, wedded and bedded. Or left at the alter, as happened when a meeting thought to be planned for October never took place.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Good Day, Bad Day: Getafe’s prophet & Atlético's magic 20 minutes

2011-11-28T09:00:00Z

Good Day

Real Madrid
Another win over Atlético Madrid was not the remarkable part of a fine Saturday night for José Mourinho’s men - although his side were given a bit of a footballing leg-up by the meanie-head referee who reduced the Rojiblancos to ten men - instead it was Barcelona losing 1-0 to Getafe, thus doubling the advantage Madrid hold over the Catalan club ahead of el Clásico in a fortnight’s time.
It is a bit of a cliché to say that there’s a very long way to go in the season and anything can happen in football, but the forces of Mordor very much have the power over the hobbits at Camp Nou. And their leader won’t be giving it up without a fight.

Jonas
Winter window signings tend to fly under the media radar unless they are desperate €50 million season-saving splurges. Valencia picked up striker, Jonas, from Brazilian side Gremio just under a year ago to very little fanfare. In fact, the Mestalla trumpets weren’t even dusted off and lips went unmoistened on the arrival of the forward, who scored three league goals last season. His first of the current campaign on Saturday kicked off proceedings in a very handy 2-1 win at Rayo - a victory that puts Valencia just one point behind Barcelona and with a huge incentive to keep up a solid run that sees just one league defeat in eight.

Levante
Before Sunday, LLL saw enough signs to suggest there was still fight left in the old sea dog of Levante, and the blog was proved right with the Valencia club bouncing back with a convincing 4-0 win over Sporting after three defeats. The win keeps Levante in fourth with a five point gap over Sevilla (Málaga yet to play) and probably needing just five more wins this season to stay up.

Sevilla
Still not playing that well, so that’s while they’ll take a 1-0 away win over Zaragoza after a penalty won and converted by Alvaro Negredo.

Luis García
The Getafe manager is surely a prediction king. Or someone who knows about football tactics - two skills LLL completely lacks. “Barça suffer at set pieces as they are not tall, except for Piqué and Busquets,” opined The Prophet two days before Juan Valera’s winner on Saturday from a corner.

Joaquín Caparrós
The Mallorca manager picked up his first victory in his spell as Balearic boss. And so he should have done too, considering his team were playing Racing Santander.

Granada
A 1-0 win over Athletic Bilbao in the Basque country. Didn’t see that coming.

Iñigo Martínez
This is getting silly. The Real Sociedad defender has only scored two goals this season. But they have both come from inside his own half. The first was against Athletic Bilbao, and the second was Sunday’s late winner against Betis. Quite, quite silly.

Bad Day

Angel di María
Although the Argentinean returned from injury with a goal in the win against Atlético, the little tyke was back with facets of his game that LLL had thought were being phased out - the constant cheating, diving and faking injury. “Pathetic for a good player that doesn’t need to it,” stormed Santi Nolla in Sport.

Barcelona
The Getafe performance was lethargic enough to have Barça fans frustratedly banging the side of their televisions to try and provoke some kind of reaction from the Camp Nou collective. It was only in the dying seconds of the game that Barça started to realise the mess they were in and began to react. To be fair, a goal was incorrectly disallowed for offside when it was a Getafe player, Míchel, who got the final touch of the ball and a post was struck. But seeing as draws are the new defeats in la Liga, the result would still have left Real Madrid with a handy cushion at the top of the table.
The local press reaction to the defeat swung between despair, “we have to be realistic, the league is lost,” wrote Joan Poquí in Mundo Deportivo,” to semi-defiance, with Sport’s headline claiming that “they’ll have to win at the Bernabeu.”
Of course, there’s also room for the barking mad, and the ever-reliable Lluis Mascaró, writing in the same paper, provided a big dollop of paranoid lunacy in Sunday’s edition. “The (Madrid) media cavern will magnify the euphoria with its propaganda campaign which is now unstoppable.” Indeed.

Athletic Bilbao
The home defeat to Granada sees Athletic having picked up just the single point in San Mamés in the three games against Primera new boys, Rayo, Betis and Sunday’s visitors.

Espanyol
A home defeat for Espanyol against Osasuna, means there is even less good will than normal from a grouchy Paul from Barcelona, especially for his side’s neighbours.

“Well that was rubbish. Things we learned from today’s match -
1) Espanyol desperately need a centre-forward. Alvaro, despite scoring, needs more time. Espanyol need an experienced striker.
2) Javi Marquez needs to get fit asap if we don’t want next season’s derby to be against Sabadell.
3) Osasuna ain’t much cop and for the supposed “toughest team in la Liga” they ain’t very tough.
4) Feigning injury is cheating. If you can get a yellow for diving you should get a yellow for this. Osasuna’s number six (that would be Javad Nekounam -LLL) was a disgrace to football.
5) Injury time is totally random. A sending-off, a player down for nearly two minutes, a team constantly warned for time-wasting, six substitutions, only four mins !!!. Fourth official, you had a shocker.
6) Osasuna’s support among part time Crusties has dropped. You used to see loads of mullets supporting them. Now their away support comes in a people carrier. What’s happened? They used to have good away support.
Something learned from another match - that the Getafe result shouldn’t stand because Getafe are one of the teams Sandro Rosell wants kicked out of the league for being too small.They could be playing Man Utd in Singapore instead. Much more important.”
Paul, Barcelona

Atlético Madrid
For the opening 20 minutes of Saturday’s encounter, LLL’s thoughts were probably echoed by the Atlético supporters. “Why don’t you play like this every week?”

Thibaud Courtois
LLL will probably go with Iker Casillas on whether it was a sending-off for Atlético Madrid keeper, Thibaut Courtois, who brought down Karim Benzema to completely change a game where the Rojiblancos held the upper hand. The Madrid number one said the penalty and red card were probably justified going by the letter of the law but that “I hope they change this rule.”

Diego Godín
Oh dear. Another member of the very large ‘used to be a good defender, then went to Atlético Madrid’ brigade. The Uruguayan was outpaced by Cristiano Ronaldo for Madrid’s second goal, failed to clear a ball for the third and then gave away a penalty and picked up a red card for the fourth. Good work.

Pepe Mel
That’s one point from the last nine games for the Betis boss, who saw his side lose 3-2 at home to Real Sociedad after the visitors’ miraculous late winner. Pepe Mel said that he would understand if he was fired, however that doesn’t seem to be the plan for the moment, probably because Betis neither have the cash to pay him off or fund a replacement.

Racing Santander
Bottom-of-the-table with just the single win and nine points. Oh dear.

La Preview: Atlético’s cunning plan and Pep's preoccupation

2011-11-25T11:41:00Z

Saturday

Rayo Vallecano (10th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00 (local time)
In a brilliant bit of Saturday night scheduling, it has been decided that if you happen to be a fan of both Rayo and Atlético or Getafe and Real Madrid - which is true of a surprisingly large group of people - then you can only catch just the one game this weekend due to the back-to-back nature of all the matches. Indeed, Rayo supporters are already miffed at the LFP due to their upcoming clash at Barcelona being moved twice due to the World Club Championships.
This is why the always feisty Rayo supporters groups will be making protests on Saturday and asking for compensation from the LFP for any traveling costs incurred for fans who made their bookings before the match was moved. Good luck with that, is the message from La Liga Loca.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Atlético Madrid (9th) - 20.00
Atlético have a few differing plans in mind for beating Real Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu for the first time in 12 years and for the first time in the league for 21 games. Gregorio Manzano has suggested not making any mistakes; Gabi is plumping for showing everyone who Atlético are, while Miranda reckons playing the match as if it is the last game of their lives will do the trick.
AS notes that 24 sides have beaten Real Madrid in the league since Atlético’s last win in 1999 along with six in the Copa del Rey - teams including Toledo, Real Unión and of course, Alcorcón. LLL isn't sure whether this is supposed to be encouraging or taunting Atlético...
Topping the charts of victories against Madrid during Atlético’s drought are Deportivo and Barcelona with nine apiece, then Sevilla with seven. Heck, even Mallorca have managed a win on six occasions. Then there’s the single victories for Las Palmas, Murcia, Sporting and Numancia - all boldly going where Atlético have...er...not boldly gone.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (15th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 22.00
Sometimes you just want a manager to answer the question, “so what about Saturday’s game?” with “Don’t know. Who are we playing? Oh, 5-0. Easy.” Pep Guardiola failed to take this approach and win the blog’s heart forever when probed about the visit to Getafe and their terrifyingly hostile stadium this weekend. “Saturday’s game is going to be tough,” warned the Dream Boys boss. “It’ll be cold, not much rest...I’ve been concerned about this match for a few days,” fibbed Guardiola politely.
Luis García on the other hand fancies his chances against Barça and is “convinced we can beat them.” “Barça suffer at set-pieces as they are not tall except for Pique and Busquets.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Betis (13th) v Real Sociedad (19th) - 12.00
It’s the midday battle of the doomed bosses! Betis have picked up a less than praise-worthy one point from the last 24 available, while Real Sociedad have also been pulling up trees in the loser stakes with two points from the past eight games. Because neither side have a lot of cash floating about it’s tough to know whether Pepe Mel or Philippe Montanier are on the brink of the sack.
Betis president Miguel Guillén, who does look like a firm hand on the tiller of the club, has said that “calm, unity and hard work,” will get the club through it’s difficult spell and that “the board isn’t planning a change of coach at the moment.” A failure to beat the visitors from San Sebastian could change that pretty swiftly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (4th) v Sporting (14th) - 16.00
Despite three defeats in a row, LLL saw for itself on Sunday against Atlético Madrid that Levante still have all their marbles intact. Ten men behind the ball for the first half, a solo striker for counter-attacks and then remarkable incisiveness in the second forty-five minutes. It was certainly a plan that almost worked in the Vicente Calderón with Levante only losing 3-2. LLL reckons it will work again on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (16th) v Racing Santander (20th) - 18.00
The bad news for Racing boss Héctor Cúper was that Monday’s 3-1 home defeat to Málaga saw the club fall to the bottom of the table. There was at least some good news from Marca, who report that the club’s administrators have told the bosses that there is no money to sack Cúper should they wish to do so. Unfortunately, they also said there was no cash to fund any transfers in the winter window without players being sold or sacked.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (8th) v Osasuna (11th) - 18.00
Although Paul from Barcelona is a regular correspondent on all things Espanyol, LLL hasn’t had that much to say about them this year. That’s because the club has been going about its business very quietly, very professionally and without much kerfuffle. And that’s not a good way to get the blog’s attention, although it’s the perfect way to run a football club.
For example, this week’s stories out of El Prat concern the team wanting to score a few more goals and looking to renew the contracts of Álvaro and Javi Márquez. And that’s a tough sell compared to Racing’s owner being investigated by Interpol and a member of the Betis board banging on about confidence being like a hymen as happened last week. So the lesson is, as soon Espanyol does receive more attention from LLL, then that’s probably a very bad thing.
LLL Prediction - A quiet home win

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Granada (18th) - 19.45
Although the incident that saw an assistant referee hit in the face by an umbrella, subseqeuntly causing Sunday’s clash with Mallorca to be suspended, looked like being the result of a malfunctioning, misfiring device and not malice, Granada have still been taken to task over the affair.
Granada have been ordered by the Spanish FA to replay the final 30 minutes of the game behind closed doors on December 7th and have been hit with a €6,000 fine - a punishment that the club will be appealing. “Granada will be using proof that we didn’t have to hand before such as police reports,” explained González Segura, a member of the board.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (17th) v Sevilla (6th) - 21.30
LLL’s "that can’t be good" detector went off on Wednesday. It went off when it heard a footballer saying that the coach is not to blame for a bad run but that the players are. Of course, that actually means the coach is entirely to blame for a bad run and not the players at all.
The alarm went off after comments made by Frederic Kanouté, whose side are currently without a win in five. “We’re happy with the work in training and with tactics. We are lacking application during matches. It’s easy to sack coaches and directors. We are all worried but as a footballer first of all I look at myself and my teammates and we are still not doing things well enough,” admitted the Sevilla striker. Oh dear.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Málaga (5th) v Villarreal (12th) - 21.00
Monday night sees wee Santi Cazorla reacquainting himself with the club he ruined by leaving. That does sound a bit harsh in writing, as it technically wasn’t his fault. As the Villarreal president admitted either the playmaker or Giuseppe Rossi had to go to balance the Madrigal books.
“It won’t just be any other game, it’s something different,” mused Cazorla ahead of next week’s clash. The midfielder also ruminated on Villarreal’s awful start to the season which saw them fumbling about in the relegation zone for a while. “You have to take into account the injuries they’ve had and they didn’t start well. Confidence and pressure can count for a lot, but they’ve got a good squad and are starting to move up the table.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal let Spanish side down as Barcelona win heaven sent thriller

2011-11-24T13:34:00Z

Much like this blogger doing his household chores, the Spanish football collective attempted a perfect clean sweep this weekend, but couldn’t quite finish the job.

The Champions League chumps of the la Liga quartet were Villarreal, who lost 3-1 to Bayern Munich. But considering the fact that the visitors had nothing to play for in a Champions League campaign that’s gone all Arizmendi on them, avoiding a heavy hammering and scoring a goal in Germany can perhaps be considered a bit of a Brucey bonus.

“The league and cup are a priority for us now,” admitted Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, in what must be Spanish pop music to the ears of Manchester City fans hoping that the east coast club can do them a favour and nick some points off Napoli on matchday six.

Tuesday’s other match, Real Madrid’s 6-2 win over Dinamo Zagreb, was an utterly pointless waste of time, with the Croatian visitors doing their best to run away from the oncoming Madrid forwards, failing to put in a tackle and helping their hosts to a four goal lead in just 18 minutes. “They were smashed immediately,” said José Mourinho after the game with perhaps not quite as much smug self-satisfaction as you’d imagine.

Nevertheless, the Madrid press were never going to doubt the importance of a match so ridiculous that José Callejón was on a hat-trick and Esteban Granero played 45 minutes. This saw Marca pull out all the insanity stops on Thursday by publishing a front cover demonstrating in graphic detail that the brace-scoring Karim Benzema had transformed from a simple cat to “Puss in Boots”.

Meanwhile, mad Tomás Roncero in AS was ready to declare the 2011/12 Madrid vintage as being “the best squad in history” and this would surely be the year of ‘The Tenth’.

What LLL feared might be a rather drab, overly-tactical affair in the San Siro between AC Milan and Barcelona on Wednesday evening ended up being a game sent down from football heaven in a carriage pulled by Penelope Cruz and her better-looking sister. The scintillating clash swung one way then the other, and even contained a controversial Barça penalty that had some members of the Madrid press hammering away ‘no penalty!’ on Twitter just a fast as their Catalan cousins had done on Saturday after Gonzalo Higuaín’s chest/arm affair in Mestalla.

The 3-2 win leaves Barcelona as the winners of the group and a very happy Josep Maria Casanovas writing in Sport that the Champions League clash had “a great win, a great Xavi, a great Barça, a great game.” There was also a complaint that UEFA that did not allow Pep’s Dream Boys to walk out onto the pitch wearing t-shirts to support second-in-command, Tito Vilanova, who had just had surgery to remove a tumour from this throat. “UEFA showed they have no heart,” growled the Sport columnist, showing that he hasn’t really been keeping a close on European football’s governing body over the past 20 years or so.

The big bust up between Pep Guardiola and Zlatan Ibrahimovic never took place, with the Barça boss suggesting that “the enormous, Swedish, bottling coward didn’t dare to face me and thus avoided a mighty smiting.” However, the Milan striker did get to score a goal but said that his celebration was not a personal swipe at his former manager. “I scored a goal against Barça, not against Pep.”

Although Valencia were stuck away in a Champions League backwater somewhere, the Mestalla men managed to cause one or two rumblings with a 7-0 victory over Genk, which included a hat-trick from Roberto Soldado, who it’s fair to say is in fine form at the moment. That win and Chelsea’s defeat sees Valencia having to travel to Stamford Bridge needing either a win or a score draw in their final group stage fixture, for reasons that LLL really can’t be bothered explaining. And not because we're too thick to work out...

All in all, it’s an A- for Spanish teams this week, with two clubs already group winners, another with a 50/50 chance of passing through to the next stages and one who is being forced to stand in the corner, feeling very sorry for themselves indeed.

Zlatan’s grudge match and Villarreal’s booby prize

2011-11-22T12:30:00Z

In the same way that English hacks got their panties in the biggest of bunches over whether John Terry and Wayne Bridge would shake hands after their tabloid love tales were published 18 months back, Catalan media sorts are getting all excited over how Pep Guardiola and Zlatan Ibrahimovic will great each other in San Siro during Barcelona’s clash at AC Milan.

The Swedish striker already had a bit of a 'hate thang' going on with Pep Guardiola after a less than successful spell at the Camp Nou, but this was ramped up with righteous fury with the publication of Zlatan’s book, You’re Wrong and, Oh, You’re an A-Hole, Too, in which the Milan forward launches attacks on a variety of targets that have wronged him in some way or other over his football career.

Number one in that hit-list was Pep Guardiola, ostensibly for not making Zlatan the centre of attention and focal point of the whole team at the Camp Nou. Along with making narky comments in the direction of the Barça coach about him being scared of Mourinho and unable to deal with strong characters, Zlatan also scoffed at his former teammates for being dumb enough to follow the orders of their manager.

“In Italy, the coach says ‘jump’ and we say ‘why?’. In Barcelona everyone jumps,” - moans Zlatan on an apparently frightening autocratic regime that has produced two Champions League trophies in three years.

Sport can’t wait for Wednesday’s encounter and ponder “will Pep shake hands with the 'bad boy'?” - something that sounds rather dirty to LLL’s smutty ears. Josep María Casanovas writes that Zlatan’s taunts from across the Med are extra motivation for Wednesday’s match. “The players have no rancour or obsession, but it bothers them that all this was said behind their backs in a book rather than to their faces,” says the columnist.

"Can you sign this book for me, please...?"

Had the Milan man actually done just this during a surprise visit to Barça’s training facilities - which would have been a tad rude, quite frankly - then LLL imagines that the disappointed, hurt faces of little Leo, Xavi, Andrés and Pedro may not have been that intimidating a prospect for Zlatan. Although, the blog imagines that Víctor Valdés and Ibrahimovic in a scrap would be quite a sight.

But anyway, the blog digresses. As Sergio Busquets tries to point out, Barça are “playing Milan not Ibra” in a Champions League clash described by Joan Batlle in Sport as “semi-transcendental”, which LLL interprets as being a step away from being “like a final” - one of la Liga's favourite clichés.

Before all that takes place, Real Madrid are in action at home to Dinamo Zagreb on Tuesday in a game from which just a point is needed for the forces of Mordor to finish top of their group. So as there was almost nothing to talk about ahead of the game aside from whether Nuri Sahin would start, José Mourinho was probed about his exuberant celebrations during Saturday’s 3-2 win over Valencia.

“Valencia should be proud of our celebrations. You don’t celebrate like that in a normal match against a normal rival,” claimed the Madrid manager with logic that LLL can sort of see, which is a worrying situation.

Poor old battered, bruised Villarreal are also in action on Tuesday against Bayern Munich in a clash that could see the Yellow Submarine returning to Spain with a few dents in the hull. “We are realistic and we know that it will be difficult to win,” noted Juan Carlos Garrido who then went for the ‘hey, we’re just happy to be playing Bayern’ approach.

“Being here is a prize so we should enjoy it, being here at this ground and against this rival is a prize for everyone.” The question now is whether this prize will be a booby one.

Good Day, Bad Day: Resistant Real, sturdy Soldado & awful Atlético (again)

2011-11-21T14:06:00Z

Good Day

Real Madrid
It was no wonder José Mourinho leapt upon a startled José Callejón and demanded a piggy-back during the 3-2 win over Valencia. It was a huge sign of relief during a tense match from which the three points collected will go a long, long way in the title race.
Although the three point advantage over Barcelona still stands, Real Madrid had by far the easier start to the season in la Liga. But in the side’s first proper tough-as-old-boots match, Madrid came out on top with a 3-2 win in an encounter that Barcelona were only able to draw 2-2. “A victory you remember at the end of the season,” confirmed Iker Casillas.
Of course, there are very strong claims that the 3-2 should have been 3-3, had a late spot-kick been awarded to Valencia and then converted.
“It was a penalty!” yelled Barcelona based Mundo Deportivo’s headline on Monday. Call LLL old-fashioned (and closet Madridista, as some will no doubt claim) but the referee made the right decision in not awarding an injury-time spot-kick after Gonzalo Higuaín’s controversial block. If you are not sure that an infringement took place, then don’t act on it.
But Madrid fans will continue to claim that the chest was used in the act and Barcelona will say the arm despite there being no conclusive proof either way. Of course, if David Villa was the player involved, the positions would be reversed. T’was ever so and...er....T’wis ever will be.

Leo Messi
Like a battery-advertising bunny, Leo Messi shrugged off reports - from himself, to be fair - that he was tired after the international break with a 90-minute display in the 4-0 win over Zaragoza and his 15th league goal of the season. Barcelona have now scored 30 goals in their seven league matches in the Camp Nou this season without a single effort being conceded.

Roberto Soldado
Honk! Honk! U-turn ahoy from La Liga Loca! The blog has always felt that the striker didn’t quite have the cojones and finishing prowess for full international football. It is reversing position now after two excellently taken goals in a huge game for Valencia and a gutsy, defiant performance both pre and during Saturday’s Mestalla match.

Athletic Bilbao
Sadly LLL wasn’t able to catch the Athletic win over Sevilla on Sunday due to its la Liga duties at the Vicente Calderón - and boy did it regret that about ten minutes in - but apparently it missed a corker of a performance from a team that have now gone 11 games unbeaten in Spain and Europe. Marcelo Bielsa’s master plan of adding flair to Athletic’s physicality appears to be working a treat with the Basque side now pushing their way to the European places after a ropey start to the season.

José Antonio Reyes
Awful, awful, awful, awful, awful. Awful. Apart from Arda and Diego from time to time. That was LLL’s verdict of Atlético’s goalless first half in Sunday’s clash against Levante. The fact the blog had eaten its half-time sandwich before the match certainly didn’t help. But LLL was not alone, with the club's bored-out-of-their-minds supporters - and there weren’t that many in the Vicente Calderón - whistling the players of the pitch after a dour first forty-five minutes.
Thankfully, in the second half Reyes returned from his exile that stemmed from being rude to Gregorio Manzano after a substitution to inspire Atlético’s first goal in the 3-2 victory. However, there was not much Reyes could do to help the defence in a game that Atlético nearly threw away twice.
“It was a situation were I didn’t have to be forgiven,” retorted the typically defiant Reyes after the match when asked if the winger was back in his manager’s good books.

Rayo Vallecano
Not many teams take points home from a visit to Osasuna, but a feisty, combative Rayo managed it with a goalless draw on Sunday. The Vallecans are now picking up points nicely having lost just the one game in the last five. And that might be handy with Valencia, Atlético Madrid and Barcelona coming up in the side’s next four matches.

Villarreal
There’s a certain element of The Bride clawing her way out of a grave in Kill Bill quality about Villarreal a club who are dragging themselves with broken, bloodied fingernails away from the relegation zone. Villarreal have now gone three matches unbeaten in the league without a goal being conceded thanks again to another fine display and strike from Borja Valero in the 1-0 win over Betis.
“We are adapting to our situation,” admitted coach, Juan Carlos Garrido, “we are playing more defensively and on the counter-attack.”

Sporting
The Asturian side is now reaping the rewards of sticking by Manuel Preciado through the annual tough spot that Sporting now seem to endure. Sporting have gone unbeaten in five having won three of those games - the latest of those matches being a late, late victory against a ten-man Getafe.

Bad Day

Sevilla
A good start to the season is fizzling away, with Sevilla now without a victory six matches. Sunday’s setback came against Athletic Bilbao, despite Sevilla being able to play with both Alvaro Negredo and Freddie Kanouté from the start. “There were a lot of individual duals and we lost the majority of them,” moaned Marcelino after the 2-1 defeat.

Real Betis
Wretched stuff from Real Betis who have now picked up just one point in the last 24 and not scored since sometime in 1983. Well, in 472 minutes anyway which is the side’s worst run in la Primera.

Granada
A bad day for the club, its fans, its president and manager. In fact, it’s a Atlético Madrid-style clean sweep from LLL. Bad for the club and fans as Granada were 2-1 up in a clash against Mallorca before the referee Clos Gómez suspended the game after his assistant was hit in the face by an umbrella thrown from the stands.
Bad for the Granada president, Quique Pina, who said his club and organisation were not be blamed for the incident and besides the alleged chucker was not a member and was also Moroccan. And it was bad for the Granada coach, Fabri, who sort of missed the point of the seriousness of the event by arguing that the game could have continued seeing as the fourth official was a suitable substitute for his bleeding colleague.
One of the referee’s roles is to look after the safety of both the players and his officiating team and in suspending the game, Gómez did the right thing no matter how loud the complaints will be this week.

Philippe Montanier
A home game against an Espanyol side which is not the most prolific was a fine chance for a win for la Real and the side’s very unhappy fans. Instead it was boo city in San Sebastian after a goalless draw on Sunday. Real Sociedad’s manager is hanging onto his job with his French finger nails.

La Preview: Postiga's goal glut, Guti's potential homecoming & Bosch's hymen

2011-11-18T09:33:00Z

Saturday

Villarreal (13th) v Betis (12th) - 18.00 (local time)
In a moment that was pure Alan Partridge, José Antonio Bosch tried to answer the simple question of whether the Betis board were supporting coach Pepe Mel during the club’s unfortunate run of form. Unfortunately, a fairly simple task was made more complex when the Betis director declared that “confidence was like a hymen, you either have it or you don’t.”
Digging deeper into a hole of peculiarity, Bosch argued that “you can’t have a little bit of confidence ‘yes’ or a little bit of confidence ‘no’, in the same way you can’t be a little bit of a virgin. While the confidence is there, it’s there and the club maintains confidence in the coach.”
The blog suggests that the more simple response ‘yes’ should be used next time.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Zaragoza (16th) - 20.00
A tired Messi on the bench or a tired Messi on the pitch should make no difference at all to Saturday’s clash at the Camp Nou, despite fighting talk from Zaragoza, a club having picked up just the single point from four games. “The dressing room can’t wait until the match comes,” claims midfielder Pablo Barrera.
Then again, perhaps Zaragoza do have a chance with 'former Spurs flop Helder Postiga' now becoming 'free-scoring Hélder Postiga', after knocking in four for Zaragoza this season and banging in a couple in Portugal’s 6-2 win over Bosnia in midweek.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Madrid (1st) - 22.00
One of the questions often asked by Real Madrid fans looking for the club to save their pennies a bit and reinforce their squad with Spanish chorizo is why the talented bunch of players sold by Valencia in the last year or so weren't signed by the Santiago Bernabeu side. Or, in Juan Mata’s case, why the forward was allowed to leave Real Madrid in the first place.
While a deal could never be put together for David Villa back in the day, David Silva looked a good ‘un, according to Valencia president Manuel Llorente. “Everything stopped after the change of coach,” said Llorente, referring to the arrival of José Mourinho, “for a long time I felt that we were going to reach a deal. In Valencia we have the sensation that Madrid pay more for a player from a foreign club than one from here.”
The Valencia boss also spoke about the ongoing exile of Roberto Soldado from the Spanish team, despite the fact that a certain Chelsea striker is not much cop these days. “Between Soldado and Torres for the national side, I’d go with Soldado. But Torres has more influence in the capital.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Real Sociedad (20th) v Espanyol (7th) - 12.00
Joan Capdevila, the forgotten man of forgotten men of Spanish football - which might technically make him remembered in a double negative kind of way - has had a rotten time of it since joining Benfica over the summer. And the former international left-back is looking for a way out in the winter window, according to his agent Horacio Gazzo.
“He’d love to go to Espanyol. It would be a great way of ending his sporting career,” claimed Gazzo, on a possible switch back to la Liga in what would represent something of a footballing graveyard shift. It certainly has been for Carlos Kameni, anyway.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (10th) v Rayo Vallecano (10th) - 16.00
A quick Twitter headcount to gauge who wants Guti now that the midfielder’s contract had been cancelled at Besiktas showed an even split between those in love with the idea of having the former Real Madrid man at their club and those opposed to the concept. That split largely depended on whether the teams in question were any good or not.
It seems that Rayo supporters - very much part of the ‘or not’ - crowd form part of the half that wants Guti to make a move to Vallekas with #Gutirayo becoming a trending topic in Madrid. Oh, if only the universe were that much fun.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (17th) v Getafe (14th) - 16.00
In fact, the universe is such a miserable place that not even Getafe are coming forward to offer Guti a new home in the winter. “There’s no chance that Guti will come here,” announced a firm Coliseum president, Angel Torres.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (5th) v Athletic Bilbao (9th) - 18.00
The loss of Carlos Gurpegui potentially until the end of the season with a ligament injury has hit Athletic Bilbao hard on every single level claims the club’s coach Carlos Bielsa who is looking to keep the midfielder around and about the squad as much as possible during the footballer’s recuperation.
“On a football level, it’s his versatility and effectiveness,” said ‘El Loco’ naming Gurpegui’s various attributes. “On a personal level, he’s a teammate without rival and in spirit he’s always an inspiration for us,” claimed Bielsa before going on to giggle about good the midfielder makes him feel about himself.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (11th) v Levante (4th) - 20.00
Belly-button watching has been the pastime of the week in the Rojiblanco camp, with navel-gazing the theme of the fortnight after Atlético’s disastrous 3-2 defeat to Getafe. In this period manager Gregorio Manzano has managed to hang on to his job, helped a tiny bit by a friendly win in Egypt against Zamalak. “If I waste time thinking about my future, I’ll do my job badly,” claimed the Atlético boss who is doing his job badly even without thinking about his future.
A fading Levante should be an easy opportunity for a quick bounce back from the catastrophe in the Coliseum a fortnight ago, but nothing is ever a given at the Vicente Calderón especially after some fine fighting talk from feisty opposition midfielder, Juanlu. “We don’t know what version we are going to face, but it’s always better to fish in choppy waters,” warned the Levante man.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (19th) v Mallorca (15th) - 22.00
Home team fans who, just a couple of seasons ago, were in the third tier of Spanish football and supporting a pretty much bankrupt club appear to be surprised to find themselves in the relegation zone after 11 games, when perhaps the Champions League places were what was expected. This disgruntlement was the root cause of jeering towards Granada striker Ikechukwu Uche in the side’s last clash, something that caused Granada boss Fabri to come out on the attack against the fans in support of his player.
But this outburst and Granada’s situation which sees just four goals scored all season has not changed Fabri’s position at the club says the side’s sporting director, Juan Carlos Cordero. “The confidence in Fabri is the same as it was on day one. We’ve never thought about any change in the technical team. Doubts or uncertainty don’t help anyone.”
Meanwhile, Mallorca have tried to cheer up goal-starved fans by unveiling their new striker, Marvin Ogunjimi. The problem is that due to a bureaucratic mix-up on deadline day, the Belgian cannot play until January. He’ll still be the goal-shy club’s top scorer by the end of the month, mind.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Racing Santander (18th) v Málaga (6th) - 21.00
In last week’s episode of La Liga Loca, the blog left you with the nail-biting news that Racing weren’t very good at all, had a collection of irked, unpaid players, a president who had just a quit and an owner, in the form of Ali Syed, who had been very absent indeed and was being investigated by Interpol. Those last two facts may well be connected.
Well, not too much has changed expect to say that Marca reports are rumblings from Mexico that there is a group interested in taking a controlling stake in the club. LLL can only hope that those in charge of the Cantabrian club use Google this time to look into their potential suitors, as that was all that was required to discover that their current owner was dodgier than an Atlético Madrid defender.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Spanish FA go 'kerching, kerching, kerching, bank' as La Roja held by Costa Rica

2011-11-16T15:22:00Z

It was a result that left Costa Rica supporters reasonably content, England fans a little less confident than a few days ago, and the Spain posse feeling more than a little peeved.

Fans of the World and European champions were forced to put up with another lacklustre performance from their finest players, as well as constant interruptions in the TV feed, before Vicente del Bosque’s side made a late dash for a 2-2 draw after going two goals behind in Tuesday’s friendly clash.

The match followed the pattern of Saturday’s match against England for Spain. A pee-poor, lazy-bummed first-half performance and an attempted revival in the second to rectify a few wrongs. But while Spain were unable to undo the damage against England at Wembley, late goals from David Silva and David Villa made the jaunt to Costa Rica merely a minor disaster rather than an all-out catastrophe.

On a financial level, the friendly match - which had no benefit whatsoever to Spain’s Euro 2012 preparations - added a reported €2 million to the FA’s coffers, with the president Angel Villar looking more than a little pleased with himself before kick-off. “[The friendlies] are of no use to anyone except Uncle Angel who does ‘kerching, kerching, kerching, bank,” fumed José Vicente Hernáez in Marca.

The match continued the poorly-held secret that the Spanish players are sick to the back teeth of their post-World Cup world tour that has seen matches in Mexico, Argentina, Portugal, Italy, the USA, England and Costa Rica.

Tuesday’s friendly in San José was probably the lowest point of their Harlem Globetrotters style tour - a game against a team ranked 62nd in the world, played in awful weather on a divot-strewn pitch just perfect for breaking an unsuspecting ankle or two. The uncharacteristically dangerous Xabi Alonso back pass and lame attempt to dribble the ball out of his box from Iker Casillas that both lead to the first Costa Rica goal were proof positive of how little Spain cared about this particular encounter.

“These cursed friendlies,” begins Wednesday’s column from Mad Tomás Roncero in AS. “I hope that Villar doesn’t have another chance to arrange a friendly at the other end of the mapa mundi for purely tax-collecting reasons. A couple of million does not justify endangering the prestige that was earned quite rightly in Vienna and Johannesburg.”

But despite the acknowledgment that friendlies simply aren’t any motivation for the Spanish players these days, there is still some criticism of the footballers, with Marca’s front page warning the Spanish manager “Vicente, we have problem.”

“The draw against Costa Rica should serve as a warning sign,” writes the paper’s editorial. “World Champions cannot offer the image that Spain did in the first half against a weak Central-American side.” However, there were kinder words at the end of Marca’s musings. “The team’s credit is in tact as is the confidence and support of the fans. Spain are still a good bet for the Euro 2012, but Tuesday cannot be repeated.”

However, this kind of criticism has been leveled at the Spanish side ever since winning the European Championships in 2008. The reply of the team was to win the World Cup two years later and qualify quite comfortably for next summer’s competition.

These friendlies for Spain have been arranged for the country’s FA to have a fine jolly, pick up big pay-cheques and make political friends in FIFA - nothing more, nothing less. So any criticism of the side would appear to be unjustified grumbling, rather than anything positive.

As Juan Mata said after the latest defeat, “this team won the European Championships, then the World Cup. It deserves some credit.”

Mourinho comes over all Mr Nice Guy, while Pep faces his annual angst

2011-11-15T10:14:00Z

That a football coach is managing to refrain from physically assaulting members of the opposition technical team, insulting rival coaches or being rude about their own players, bosses and various institutional organisations is something that should be roundly applauded.

That’s the straw AS are grasping at, as the paper joins the rest of the Spanish football media in crawling on their hands and knees towards the end of another barren international fortnight.

Either through desperation or a sense of duty, Tuesday’s edition of AS leads with the story that José Mourinho has managed to behave himself for eight whole days - the last ‘incident’ being his praising of Real Madrid’s ultras and insulting of the rest of the club's fans over their lack of support for the team - thus signaling a change in attitude.

Indeed, ever since nearly poking out Tito Vilanueva’s eye during the Spanish Super Cup clashes, AS has been impressed by Mourinho’s restraint which has seen the Portuguese trainer mostly polite about opposition teams and their coaches. “Mourinho has changed” declares the paper’s front page. “He’s burying the bad guy and now only the great manager that he is can be seen,” declares Alfredo Relaño, tempting a huge amount of fate considering matches against Valencia, Atlético Madrid and Barcelona are all around the corner, all with plenty of opportunity for Mourinho mischief.

Jose cracks his biggest smile for the cameras...

Managers have also been the obsession in Cataluyna of late, with the annual speculation on whether Pep Guardiola will be renewing his contract with the Dream Boys. The Barça boss quite sensibly seems to prefer to go through the process on a year-by-year basis, with the decision dependent on his sanity and hairline at the time.

Mundo Deportivo claim Pep is to make up his mind in January, although Sandro Rosell has revealed that the issue could be resolved straight away. “Pep knows the contract he wants is on the table to be signed when he wants.” LLL hopes that it isn’t chucked away by the cleaners for recycling in the meantime.

That news certainly doesn’t stop Lluís Mascaró of Sport from losing sleep at night as the writer tosses and turns on the thorny issue. “The problem is not so much the uncertainty that this attitude generates but the chaos it will cause on the day he says he’s off. There’s no alternative to Pep. No-one is prepared for a future without Guardiola.”

Neymar’s decision to stay at Santos until 2014 is still causing some ripples in the water, with Mundo Deportivo claiming Rosell has already sealed a deal for the young Brazilian to join Barcelona after the next World Cup. That theory certainly seems more plausible, with Santos president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira blasting Florentino Pérez for having “an arrogant attitude, that of a colonizer’s mentality.”

Even Marca have been forced to acknowledge the fact a Pérez target has been missed, with a story claiming that there’s nothing to worry about, with plenty of other young footballing fish in the sea being monitored by beady-eyed Madrid scouts. The names of Iker Muniain, Rafinha, Hazard, Wilshere and Götze are mentioned - all fine players in their own right, but not a certain crest-sporting Brazilian that has escaped Florentino’s clutches, possibly forever.

Capello's 'very English' side fail to impress sulking Spanish press

2011-11-14T11:12:00Z

Being World and European Champions, which as most LLL readers will probably be aware is the position Spain currently find themselves in, has allowed everyone in the country - especially certain groups of players - to be more than a little ambivalent when it comes to playing lowly friendlies, even if the games result in a defeat.

After all, Vicente del Bosque’s side have lost out to Argentina, Italy and Portugal since winning the World Cup, so it was no great shock that the team were beaten by rubbish old England at Wembley on Saturday evening - all be it, a little unfortunately.

But what seems to have upset the Spanish press most of all in regard’s to their latest slip-up is that the national team lost out to a Fabio Capello outfit that has largely been rated and then slated as quite hopeless. On Sunday, Marca - whose front page concerned the greatness of Real Madrid, of course - were hugely disparaging of both the quality of Spain’s performance and of their side’s rivals.

“This was sterile, leaden possession,” sniffed Marca on Spain’s usual dominance in terms of possession. “The defeat says more about a certain carelessness of Spain than the qualities of their adversary.”

“The Spanish side left Wembley with the bittersweet sensation of a team who were superior to their opponents in all facets of the game except the scoreline,” noted the editorial. In fact Marca had very little nice to say about England at all, describing the crowd as “silent half the game” and the winning goal as “very English and very Lampard-esque.”

AS were turning their collective nose up at England too, with editor Alfredo Relaño huffing that “England parked the bus in front of goal, grabbed a goal at the start of the second half with the only ball dropped into our area and came away with a victory.”

Monday’s El País writes that even playing England in what is known in Spain as 'the home of football' wasn’t motivation enough for Del Bosque’s side. “The team took on routines which gave off signs of boredom: little movement off the ball during possession, less runs and an unusual lack of shots on target.”

This ennui is unlikely to be lifted during Tuesday’s friendly, which sees the side crossing the Atlantic for a money-spinning match against Costa Rica that will reportedly earn the Spanish FA €2 million but will be of almost no tactical use to Del Bosque. But these exhibition games - that interest neither the Spanish players, nor supporters - are the cost that comes with being both the world’s best side and a plump-uddered cash cow for its bosses.

Madrid and Barca press both claim victory as Neymar commits to Santos

2011-11-10T12:35:00Z

A Mohican-sporting young punk renewing a contract with his club in Brazil shouldn’t really be moving any mountains in Spain, but that’s what’s happening on Wednesday, with 'Real Madrid starlet' Neymar hitting the headlines and causing a right old stir in the Spanish capital.

Technically speaking, it’s Santos starlet Neymar who is talk of the town, though if all the Madrid media's headlines of the previous four months were to be believed, it was merely a matter of time before Florentino Pérez would be unveiling his ‘anti-Messi’ - whether José Mourinho wanted the striker or not.

Images of Neymar surrounded by four portly gentleman (who are no doubt all set to make a lot of money out of the forward) were headline stuff for Spain’s TV channels on Tuesday evening, with the Brazilian having renewed his club contract with Santos until 2014, most likely scuppering any plans Real Madrid - or indeed, Barcelona may have had to bag the forward for a wee while.

Marca’s unique interpretation of the renewal is that Neymar is infact doing a favour to Santos president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira, who faces an election on 2 December, with the paper latching onto an admission from Neymar during the press conference that “nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.”

Neymar's game of peek-a-boo with Real Madrid is over...for now

The paper’s rivals, AS, have all but given up on Neymar coming to Madrid, but claim that the setback is for economic reasons, with the Brazilian league now having just as much economic pulling power as Europe. “The problem is that it is no longer so easy to get players from Brazil as it has been up to now,” claims AS editor Alfredo Relaño.

Meadwhile, Mad Tomás Roncero believes Madrid have dodged a bullet, writing that, although Neymar and the footballer’s many sponsors were a target for the club president, the love for the signing was not widespread around Mordor. “Neymar was not a desired signing for Madridismo,” says the AS man. “Paying €60 million for an adolescent who could just as easily end up a fiasco as a star seems madness.”

The dailies over in the Catalan capital have spun Neymar’s contract renewal as both a huge defeat for Pérez and a great victory for Sandro Rosell. But this kind of reporting should come as no surprise. As recently as earlier this week, Sport reported the latest quotes from Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s upcoming book, but somehow managed to omit the Swedish maverick's claims that “Guardiola in not capable of managing strong personalities.” A simple editorial error, LLL is sure.

“Neymar waits for Barça” reveals the same newspaper, boasting that “Rosell manages his objective of blocking the move to Madrid and winning time to negotiate,” through using the Barça president’s contacts and influence in Brazil’s football world.

Joan Batlle chuckles that “Florentino won’t be able to present Neymar in January and if this year there’s no title either, he will be without umbrellas...and be careful as the storm would be huge.”

If that’s the case, then LLL suggests that Rihanna might be a more useful winter window signing than the wet-behind-the-ears Brazilian...

NEWS Neymar to stay at Santos until 2014

Atletico stand by their Manzano... for the moment

2011-11-08T11:24:00Z

On Monday, LLL was boldly predicting to anyone and anything that would listen – on this particular occasion, a Labrador and a pigeon – that by the end of the week Atlético Madrid would be on the hunt for yet another manager.

Although the blog may yet be correct in its assertion, this sacking scenario looks a little less likely after the club’s sporting director José Luis Caminero promised that Gregorio Manzano was safe for the next fortnight or so and that “our project cannot last four months.” To which the pantomime-audience part of the blog's brain might reply “oh yes it can: this is Atleti”.

Still, it’s Caminero who is vaguely in charge of such matters and not LLL, no matter how many applications it sends to the club. But Caminero was certainly aware that Atlético’s dismal performance against Getafe in a 3-2 draw that leaves the Rojiblancos in 11th, 10 points off the Champions League places wasn’t up to scratch.

“We are analysing the reasons why a team is capable of beating a team second in Serie A and aren’t then capable of defeating a rival that played with 10 men for an hour,” claimed Caminero.

From what LLL has seen of Atlético this season – which is a bit too much for anyone’s health – the problem seems to be that the Vicente Calderón club too often seem to lower their game to their opponent’s levels but all too rarely raise it to meet or surpass their rivals. The blog also sides with the opinion of AS writer F Javier Díaz that the side has “no intensity and no born leaders.”

“Atlético play very well with the score in their favour at the Vicente Calderón, but any knock away from home becomes a direct blow to the chin,” writes former Atlético player Kiko Narvaez in the same paper. Indeed Atlético still haven't won away this season.

Gaffers in peril: (l to r) Manzano, Montanier & Cuper

Another club in trouble are Real Sociedad, who find themselves at the bottom of the table after managing one point from 21. Considering this is the club that sacked former boss Martin Lasarte after taking la Real up to the Primera and keeping them there, this can’t be good news for the side’s French coach, Philippe Montanier.

Nevertheless, the manager has got the thumbs-up from club president Jokin Aperribay, although it was more of a half-hearted effort rather than the full-on Paul McCartney cheery gesture. “We're not planning on sacking the coach: I see him in a strong position, at least in the short term,” said la Real’s main man, with a lovely warning at the end.

The only other side who might be thinking of dumping their manager into the Bay of Biscay is Racing Santander, the team lead by Héctor Cúper, who currently find themselves third from bottom after just one win.

What could well save the Argentinian boss is that this record is entirely predictable for a team without any cash, disgruntled unpaid players, an AWOL owner under investigation by Interpol (the police organisation, not the band), and a club president who has just quit under pressure from fans unhappy about him organising the sale of a club to a gentleman who is AWOL and under investigation by Interpol.

A crumb of comfort perhaps for Atlético fans who may now feel their Crisis is only worth a small ‘c’.

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo is rampant, but Jose blasts earlybird fans

2011-11-07T12:34:00Z

Good Day

Real Madrid
José Mourinho joked - as much as The Special One is capable of doing the whole humour thing - that he didn’t know what meal the players would be eating ahead of Sunday’s 'experimental' midday kick-off. La Liga Loca suggests that it was the first meal of the day as Real Madrid....long drumroll....had Osasuna for breakfast in a 7-1 win. Boom and tish.
Still, you have to feel for Osasuna, who were without nine key players for the trip to Madrid and were down to ten men early in the second half. Even Mourinho claimed the scoreline was a bit harsh on a well-organised Osasuna side, who made life difficult for Madrid on the odd occasion they managed to get the ball.
Much is being made of the three points lead over Barcelona that Madrid now have due to Pep’s Dream Boys draw against Athletic Bilbao (more on that later), but LLL fancies that Mourinho would have taken a point in the Basque Country too. It’s a handy advantage but there’s a long, long way to go.

Angel di María
The Dobby The House Elf of the Santiago Bernabeu had a tremendous first half in the 7-1 win for Real Madrid to follow a wonderful campaign. The Argentinean winger was the assist-maker for all three of Madrid’s first half goals, taking his total for the campaign. to ten assists. The second half didn’t go so well for di María, though, with the wily winger stretchered off with a hamstring injury.

Valencia
LLL can just imagine the Percy Picky Pants sub-section of Valencia's fanbase being very unhappy on Sunday. After all, Valencia were sitting third in the table, had won three league games in a row and had just put one over those irksome attention seekers, Levante, in a city derby, winning 2-0. Oh, and it’s the side’s best start to a league season since 1965. All that meant zip-all to moan about.
The game itself in Levante’s bustling ground wasn’t a great one, but it was certainly lit up by Unai Emery’s spectacular outfit. Slacks, blazer, V-neck sweater with piping and trim, shirt and tie. It was half Alan Partridge and half Doctor Who.

Michu
A brilliant match for Rayo and a brilliant performance from the club’s all conquering, man-mountain forward Michu, who scored two in a 4-0 win over Real Sociedad that sees the Vallecas club move up to eighth.

Athletic Bilbao
It seemed as if Athletic were calling on the ghosts of Joaquín Caparrós’ side in the 2-2 draw in a fantastically disciplined, rugged performance against Barcelona. “I’ve never played against such an intense, aggressive team,” admitted Pep Guardiola admiringly after the game.

Betis
It was just the single point at home for Betis in a goalless draw with Málaga, but at least it stopped a run of six straight defeats. Time for some wounds to be licked in the Betis camp over the international break.

Getafe
The Coliseum club picked up just their second win of the season largely due to the incompetence of their Rojiblanco visitors rather through their own actions. “If a team are having problems, there’s nothing better than playing Atlético Madrid,” noted Marca.
“What has happened to them!?” was the despairing cry of one of LLL’s colleague’s during a dismal first half, someone who had not seen the home team playing for a while. But fair play to Getafe, who managed to beat Atlético 3-2 after being a goal and a man down after a first half penalty. “All of you thought the same thing. Very difficult,” admitted Getafe boss, Luis García, on that moment after a victory that lifts the side out off the bottom-of-the-table and into fourteenth.

Bad Day

Real Madrid Supporters
Not only did the vast majority of the well-heeled Real Madrid fans have to find a parking spot for their four-by-fours at an ungodly time on a Sunday morning, but they also joined the long line of targets for José Mourinho’s wrath. Standing side-by-side with Karim Benzema, referees, FIFA, UEFA, Manuel Preciado, Levante and many, many others, the home support on Sunday - which LLL didn’t think was that bad - were given a tongue lashing from Mourinho, who noted that he wanted to “thank the few fans behind the goal. Without them you’d think the stadium was completely empty.”

Barcelona
Monday’s Marca may have declared Real Madrid to be super leaders with their three point cushion over Barcelona, but there’s a ridiculously long way to go in la Liga, with Real Madrid still to face Atlético (ok, maybe not so hard), Athletic Bilbao, Valencia and Sevilla - all tests Barcelona have already had to face.
Leo Messi’s late equaliser may even give Barcelona the feeling of a point earned in a match that will perhaps be their toughest non-Real Madrid test of the season, taking into account the conditions and the fantastic performance of Athletic Bilbao.

Víctor Valdés
The Barça keeper was just 28 minutes away from breaking Abel Resino’s 924 minute clean sheet record in la Liga. After Sunday's draw in Bilbao, he now has just 914 to go...

Levante
There were guts, bluster and a fair few scything challenges from Levante, but not enough porridge in the tank to beat a solid Valencia side. “We were dead on our feet and our fans understood this,” admitted manager Juan Ignacio Martínez. The international break comes at a fine time for Levante who have about 22 aging legs that are needing a bit of a rest.

Sevilla
LLL only caught the second half of the southern side’s clash at Mallorca due to supermarket duties. Apparently, the supermarket was a preferable place to be rather than being plonked on a warm and comfy sofa for the first 45 minutes of the goalless draw with Mallorca. Marcelino’s side are really struggling with both Alvaro Negredo and Freddie Kanouté out of action, leaving Manu del Moral to lead the line which is not really the former Getafe man’s forte. Sevilla now without a win in four.

Málaga
At least Málaga’s goalless draw against Betis wasn’t a turgid as the Mallorca v Sevilla affair that preceded it. But Málaga really don’t look much cop at all these days, with only Joaquín turning it on a bit on Saturday night. Málaga have only scored in one of the side’s last five games and are badly missing Julio Baptista.

Espanyol
It’s a been a while since LLL bumped uglies with Paul from Barcelona. But here’s a short and sweet update on Espanyol’s goalless draw against Villarreal.

“Nothing to see here. Please move on. Scandalous referee again. Espanyol way better. Three clear penalties and Forlin’s second card was unfair as he won the ball.”
Paul, Barcelona

Osasuna
At least the 7-1 defeat was a marginal improvement on the 8-0 thrashing by Barcelona from wasn’t the eight against Barcelona from September.

Gregorio Manzano
Sometimes you can only admire Atlético and the problems the Rojiblancos manage to concoct for themselves. The referee had given Gregorio Manzano’s men a helping hand by awarding them a penalty and sending off a Getafe player. But Atlético still managed to throw away a 1-0 lead to eventually lose 3-2. That took expert skill.
Atlético’s play was disjoined, lacked precision and was blighted by the inability to string two passes together. “The match was a total disaster,” admitted Manzano, “I have no words to explain the change between the team that played well a few days ago against Udinese and that in the Coliseum. It’s something I will have to analyse, but I don’t see any explication for this lack of intensity,” mused a coach, who may well be worried he won't be around long enough to examine Sunday’s calamity in the Coliseum.

Mallorca
The Balearic side have now gone six games with just the single strike from open play. Truly channeling the spirit of Deportivo this season.

Zaragoza/Sporting
Both end up in the Bad Day section after an entertaining 2-2 draw. Zaragoza failed to beat what may end up being relegation rivals in the form of Sporting. For the visitors, it’s blowing a 2-1 lead in the final seconds of injury time, although Sporting did have to come from 1-0 behind in the match.

Granada
From the ups of last Monday’s win at Sevilla, to the desperate downs of a goalless draw at home against Racing Santander. “We don’t have the sufficient maturity to know we are in la Primera,” fumed coach Fabri who also attacked the crowd for booing striker Ikechukwu Uche. “The atmosphere generated against Uche was a disgrace.”

Real Sociedad
Poor la Real were completely lost against Rayo Vallecano in the 4-0 defeat. Heads were down and chins had been lowered at half mast. But the fight is still there claims manager, Philippe Montanier, when probed what could be down to change things around over the international break for a side that now finds itself at the bottom of the table. Physical recovery, analysing the problems and working together was the medicine for the Frenchman. “Players still gave everything until the end,” claimed Montanier who has since been backed by his club president.

La Preview: Madrid set for an early start as Reyes pays for Manzano moan

2011-11-04T12:46:00Z

Saturday

Mallorca (14th) v Sevilla (5th) - 18.00 local time
Saturday sees former Betis boss and fan Lorenzo Serra Ferrer and a frantic former Sevilla manager Joaquín Caparrós teaming up to try and lead Mallorca to victory over the Andalusian visitors to the Balearics. “Football makes stranger bedfellows than politics,” joked Mallorca manager Caparrós. “In football, everything is possible, in politics it’s more difficult. We have seen managers and players who were with Sevilla being with Betis and vice versa.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (12th) v Málaga (6th) - 20.00
For a club that would have given its right leg to be in la Primera during two long years in la Segunda, the current crisis of six straight defeats is one Betis would have settled for this time last season.
It is this perspective that is perhaps behind what has been a measured response from the team’s current president, Miguel Guillén, who has called for everyone to take a chill pill considering the club is still in mid-table after what had been a bright start to the year. “The manager and squad all have our backing. Because today may be white it can’t be black three days later,” mused Guillén.
Manager Pepe Mel has been just confident ahead of this Andalusian derby on Saturday. “If I see I’m not capable of taking us forward, of course I would go, but it isn’t the case. In fact, it’s the opposite. I feel a tremendous faith in the work we are doing and the steadiness we have.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Levante (3rd) v Valencia (4th) - 22.00
And so it’s the test of tests to see if Levante can pick themselves up after a defeat to Osasuna in Pamplona - many clubs have been there - with a rousing Saturday night, big TV clash against Valencia in a city derby.
Man-of-the-hour, month and year, Sergio Ballesteros, certainly doesn’t seem to be so confident ahead of the visit of the men from Mestalla. “We can’t host rivals being called favourites, not least sides who are playing in the Champions League. It’s ridiculous,” claimed the Levante defender.
Over in the opposition corner and Valencia striker Jonas will have to console himself with the knowledge that he isn’t the fastest goalscorer in Champions League history with his strike in 10.92 seconds against Bayer Leverkusen. That honour still goes to Roy Makaay’s ever amusing goal for Bayern Munich against Real Madrid which clocked in at 10.12 seconds.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Real Madrid (1st) v Osasuna (8th) - 12.00
This midday kick-off aimed to catch early birds in the UK and late night nappers in the Far East, sees LLL starting off a day during which the blog will be attending a marathon of matches in Madrid. Once the 3-1 win for Real Madrid is over and the blog nosily finds out what Alvaro Arbeloa will be doing with the rest of his day, it’s off to watch Rayo take on Real Sociedad at six and then Getafe against Atlético Madrid at ten. And that’s where LLL will probably get stuck. But follow the fun throughout the day on the LLL Twitter feed. Or not, if you have something better to do.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (19th) v Racing Santander (18th) - 16.00
Seeing as Racing are no good these days and the players are probably still owed money from umpteen years ago, there is a least one smiley, young scamp in a dressing room that contains more long faces than a Ruud Van Nistelrooy look-a-like convention.
That talented urchin is 18-year-old Jairo, who has been most impressive in his cameos this season. Indeed, if the youngster makes another 45 minute appearance on Sunday then Jairo will trigger a clause that gives him a nice, professional contract. Not that this guarantees getting any money, as his new team-mates will no doubt tell him.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (15th) v Sporting (17th) - 18.00
This week, Helder Postiga confirmed what LLL has long suspected - you don’t mess with Zaragoza’s Mexican manager, Javier Aguirre. “He’s a very direct coach in the way he speaks to players. He’s the most direct manager I’ve had in my career,” revealed the club’s Portuguese striker.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (11th) v Real Sociedad (16th) - 18.00
José Ramón Sandoval is set to miss this clash against Real Sociedad and the next for what sounds like a wonderfully vitriolic attack on the entire officiating team at last weekend’s Villarreal game. Sandoval has been suspended for two games for apparently “making protests at the main referee, the assistants and the fourth official,” claimed the official report. Sandoval himself maintains that “my actual words were ‘I think this is a yellow card’ and the fourth official sent me off.” Let's just say LLL is scratching its chin Jimmy Hill style...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (7th) v Villarreal (13th) - 18.00
Pericos would have been particularly peeved all week after a point was snatched from Espanyol’s grasp after a penalty was awarded against Ndri Romaric when a ball struck the midfielder in the face, with the referee thinking that the ball hit the player on the arm. It was a spot-kick that ultimately gave Málaga a 2-1 win.
The midweek appeals committee has since cancelled the yellow card subsequently given to Romaric but that hasn’t made a moody Mauricio Pochettino any happier. “If they called this penalty against Barcelona or Madrid, it would have gone to the Supreme Court,” fumed the Espanyol manager.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
The papers in Spain were all about stats this week. Víctor Valdés beat Miguel Reina’s clean sheet record of 824 minutes against Plzen. Leo Messi beat the 200 goals mark in official matches for Barcelona with his hat-trick in the same game. And Pep Guardiola managed his Dream Boys in a competitive match for the 200th time.
In that spell, the Barça boss has overseen 144 wins, 39 draws, and 17 defeats (and, subsequently, 17 crises) with 500 goals scored and 143 conceded. And in a stats clash cross over, the club’s Argentinean striker has scored 160 of that 500. Which is about a half, or maybe a third. Who knows. Someone else work it out.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe (20th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 22.00
José Antonio Reyes seems to have a ‘loves me, loves me not’ relationship with his club managers at Atlético Madrid. With Javier Aguirre the waters were very frothy indeed with the combined potty-mouthed feistiness of both characters leading to difficult times. The former Arsenal and Real Madrid winger got on just fine Quique Sánchez Flores, but has fallen out badly with Gregorio Manzano, with Reyes telling his coach to stick his substitution where the sun rarely shines during the clash with Athletic Bilbao last week.
Reyes was subsequently dropped from the squad that faced Zaragoza and was missing against Udinese on Thursday, apparently due to the flu. “There is no Reyes case, as there is no case with any player who has not played in the past games,” claimed Manzano when quizzed over a possible fall-out.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Messi continues his 'crisis' as Real Madrid look for first win in Lyon

2011-11-02T10:40:00Z

Poor Leo Messi continued to stumble along on Tuesday night, still haunted by his lonely, desperate crisis of confidence; the beginning of the end of his career, the ghoulish ‘ooooooo’ in 'doomed', the despair of a player who knows the goose of his talent has been well and truly cooked.

Having only been able to respond to the omniscient critics who have accused him of being in the most terrible of form with a hat-trick against Mallorca on Saturday, Messi could again only manage another measly three goals against Plzen to put Barcelona through to the knock-out stages of the Champions League.

Of course, the Catalan press tried to cover up this woeful sequence of matches with praise. But it was so, so faint. So faint. “This guy is a beast” boasted the front cover of Wednesday’s Sport, fooling nobody. Aside from the paper’s poor, gullible readers perhaps. “All those who criticised Leo when he went three matches without scoring had better go and hide. It’s a mortal sin to doubt the number one in the world,” scoffed Josep Maria Casanovas.

There was similar, sad bravado in Mundo Deportivo with a confused sounding Santi Nolla complaining bitterly that “I don’t understand how there are no consequences for anyone saying that Messi was in crisis. There are people who have decided to deceive rather that accept the clear truth.”

Aside from this desperate attempt to hide the reality from the rechargeable torch of justice, the other news of the night was Valencia picking up a 3-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen, taking the lead in just nine seconds thanks to an effort from Jonas, one of the fastest goals in Champions League history.

The victory in Mestalla keeps Valencia very much alive in the group, just three points behind Chelsea at the top with two games to go. However that wasn’t enough to stop Unai Emery being called a donkey by some Valencia supporters. His crime? Replacing Sofiane Feghouli with Pablo Piatti in the second half. The swine.

Wednesday sees Real Madrid back in Lyon for what feels like their hundredth match with the French side in the last five years. Once again, they will be trying to win a game of football in Stade Gerland, something they have thus far failed to manage. The forces of Mordor are in France with one or two players missing from the squad through injury, but José Mourinho revealed that he is not too fussed. “Last year if we travelled without Carvalho, Marcelo, Kaká and Arbeloa then we’d have a big, big, big problem.”

A win for Real Madrid and a slip-up from Ajax would see the Spanish side as group winners after just four games, enabling Mourinho’s men to take it easy in the final two matches and even give a run-out to poor Esteban Granero - a footballer who should be ringing his agent every hour looking for a new gig.

Villarreal are also lacking one or two first teamers - six to be exact - but don’t really have the strength in depth to cover such deficiencies, so could be in for a hammering by Manchester City in El Madrigal, despite the English side's Champions League performances to date being more flimsy than any item of IKEA furniture constructed by yours truly.

“The injuries of the past week were just the tip of the iceberg, but it was nothing new” complained Villarreal coach, Juan Carlos Garrido on the newly knackedness of Marcos Senna, Cani, Cristian Zapata and Giuseppe Rossi. “The only way to face it is to fight to the death for every ball so the absences aren’t noticeable.”

It’s no wonder that Owen Hargreaves didn’t travel with Roberto Mancini’s men in what could well be a rather feisty encounter on Spain’s east coast.

Good Day, Bad Day: Mediocre Madrid overtake losing Levante

2011-11-01T11:11:00Z

RESULTS Sat 29 Oct Barcelona 5-0 Mallorca, Real Sociedad 0-1 Real Madrid, Valencia 3-1 Getafe, Villarreal 2-0 Rayo Vallecano Sun 30 Oct Atletico Madrid 3-1 Real Zaragoza, Malaga 2-1 Espanyol, Osasuna 2-0 Levante, Racing Santander 1-0 Real Betis, Sporting Gijon 1-1 Athletic Bilbao Mon 31 Oct Sevilla 1-2 Granada

Good Day

Real Madrid
José Mourinho has got quite a good thing going on with the local media. Win in an incredibly impressive fashion - as the side has been doing of late, especially in the victories over Málaga and Villarreal - and it’s proof positive that the ‘Mou Team 2’ is going to rule over all the dimensions of earth. Scrap to a narrow and unconvincing 1-0 win, as Real Madrid managed against Real Sociedad, and it’s a case of “that’s how you win leagues.” Cake. Eaten. Thank you.
Mourinho claimed after the game that his side were suffering from fatigue, although it’s hard to buy that line completely as three quarters of the front four alone have been swapping games over the past month and Alvaro Arbeloa and Fabio Coentrao at the back are still fresh as daisies. What’s a perfectly acceptable excuse for the 1-0 win that moves Real Madrid to the top of the table is a feisty opponent and lack of precision in front of goal for once.

Leo Messi
The one-two-three hand signal after the Argentinean scored just his first goal might have been the coolest thing that the very easily pleased LLL has seen this year. Even better than the twelfth hat-trick of Messi’s Barcelona career.

Camp Nou
Barcelona have now scored 26 league goals at the Camp Nou this season, without a single strike being conceded.

Ever Banega
With most Valencia fans being of the grumbly ilk, the Mestalla side are only a poor ten minute spell away from being booed off the pitch or having angry letters posted to them by fans concerned by a lack of effort, as happened recently to Unai Emery’s men. But back-to-back victories in games against Real Zaragoza and most recently of all, Getafe, have given the Valencia coach a good three inches of air breathing space in a locked chest at the bottom of the ocean.
The fun-loving Ever Banega played a large part in Valencia’s 3-1 win in Mestalla, with Emery highlighting one of the midfielder’s too few very excellent performances. “The team is working with Banega. We are growing.” “He needs to be consistent,” added the coach of the league’s fourth-placed team, who are still just four points off the top spot.

Málaga
It was a much-needed victory for Manuel Pellegrini after three straight defeats. But the 2-1 win over Espanyol was hardly a convincing one, with Málaga awarded a late penalty with the scores level after the referee interpreted a ball hitting Ndri Romaric in the face as handball. The fact that the Espanyol midfielder looked like he had been whacked in the mug by Mike Tyson should really have been some kind of clue.

Osasuna
It’s the normal state of affairs for Osasuna this season. Unbeaten in Pamplona but without a victory on the road. It’s a little unbalanced, but it seems to work as Osasuna are currently in eighth.

Atlético Madrid
The 3-1 victory over an awful Real Zaragoza wasn’t enough to prevent the cries from the crowd calling for Luis Aragonés to replace Gregorio Manzano. The concept of being careful what you wish for certainly applies here. The Rojiblancos were one of the three teams who faced their ‘finals’ over the weekend and came out on top.

Borja Valero
Not exactly a convincing win for Villarreal with a 2-0 victory over Rayo, but it will certainly do. It was largely owed to the side’s play-maker Borja Valero - who has been mostly AWOL this season - pulling off a big performance with an assist and a goal to lift Villarreal out of the relegation area. The downside to the weekend’s result was an injury to Cani that puts the midfielder out of action for six weeks, the same fate suffered by defender, Cristian Zapata. Not fantastic news with Giuseppe Rossi sidelined for up to six months potentially.

Racing Santander
The win over Betis was Racing’s first victory of the season. They aren’t going to get too many more.

Granada
LLL certainly didn’t see that coming. Sevilla were cruising - as much as it possible to cruise with a 1-0 lead - against Granada and looked like getting a second. But some wonderful saves from visiting keeper Roberto, who had previously been a little bit flimsy this season, kept Granada in the match. The second side in the Andalusian derby then pulled off a bit of a coup with two late goals to give the team just their second win of the season and double the team’s goalscoring tally for the campaign so far.

Bad Day

Levante
With defeat at Osasuna ending a run of seven straight wins, the psychological trick facing manager Juan Ignacio Martínez is convincing his players that it was the lengthy string of victories that was the oddity in Levante’s current existence and not the loss. They're going to lose games and they need to remember how to recover. The visit of Valencia next weekend might be the perfect way to raise the spirits of the players once again, should they have sagged at all.

Joaquín Caparrós
Since the former Athletic Bilbao manager took over, Mallorca have yet to win any of their four games. Indeed, the team has only scored the single goal in open play with the Balearic club relying on two penalties during its two draws in that spell.

Real Zaragoza
Three defeats in a row for Javier Aguirre’s men have blighted what had been a fairly sturdy start to the season for Zaragoza, who are still finding their feet - and learning each other’s names too.

Real Betis
It’s incredible to think that the Seville side were early league leaders this season after winning their first four games. This run has been followed by six straight defeats with just a single goal being scored. And that was against Real Madrid in the Santiago Bernabeu, too.

Getafe
Last season, Luis García made a name for himself by managing a Levante team who looked doomed to relegation and saving their skins in the second half of the season. Indeed, it was García’s performance that got the 39-year-old the Getafe gig over the summer. Judging by the club’s current form it seems their manager enjoyed last year’s experience so much that he wants to repeat those fun times with Getafe sitting at the bottom of the table with just the single victory from ten.

La Liga’s Big Three Finals of the Weekend

2011-10-28T09:25:00Z

LLL imagines that when the sixty-or-so million Euros were pumped into Málaga over the summer, the club’s Qatari owners weren’t expecting the dreaded talk of ‘finals’ steaming into view as early as October.

But that’s the kind of crazy talk that the hamster-cheeked Santi Cazorla kicked off this week in light of Málaga’s horrendous 2-0 defeat at Rayo Vallecano on Wednesday – the club’s third loss in a row without a single goal being scored.

“It’s more than a final in terms of the state of the spirit of the team,” revealed the forward ahead of the southern side’s Sunday night visit from Espanyol, a team who beat Betis on Thursday with their third consecutive 1-0 victory, apparently channeling Dull Deportivo (from back when the Galicians were half-decent).

But big-spending Málaga are in excellent company, having being joined in the doo-doo by the big-spending Atlético Madrid. The Rojiblancos are living up to all expectations this season by failing to live up to all expectations this season. Once you get to spend quality time with Atlético, that will all make sense.

On Thursday night, Gregorio Manzano’s men continued a fine run of form – five winless league games no away goals all season. Atlético’s latest disaster was a 3-0 loss at the rapidly improving Athletic Bilbao, leaving the manager’s position in some jeopardy, especially since Manzano has just got the backing of club president Enrique Cerezo.

“We keep on thinking that we have a great manager. To think anything else doesn’t make sense," said Cerezo, clearly unaware of his club's history of nonsense. "Neither Manzano nor anyone else is in danger for us. What we have to do is raise the spirits of the team.”

Atlético, who these days are just as poor in the Vicente Calderón as on the road, will be hosting Real Zaragoza in what has to be a beautifully wrapped gift of a chance for a comfortable crowd-pleasing home win on Sunday evening.

Villarreal’s week turned from bad to Arizmendi in just five days. It started off horrendously on Sunday with a 3-0 home defeat to Levante. Juan Carlos Garrido’s side followed up that performance with a hopeless display on Wednesday with a 3-0 loss to Real Madrid.

A day later it was announced that Giuseppe Rossi is set to be out for up to six months with a knee ligament damage, joining Sergio Canales and Carlos Gurpegui in this week's Terrible Injury News Club.

Rather like Málaga and Atlético Madrid, Villarreal do have what should be an easy chance to bounce back with the visit of Rayo Vallecano, who are now in the lofty heights of ninth after back-to-back wins against Betis and Málaga.

League leaders Levante – LLL still gets a tingly kick out of writing that – will be looking to continuing living the dream of the poor, old and miserable (including the blog) by traveling to Osasuna, from where it is almost impossible to come away with three points.

So that will probably leave Real Madrid at the top of the table after the weekend is over, considering the forces of Mordor will be descending on San Sebastian to face Real Sociedad, who are not very good at all these days. Plucky Barcelona will be building on the side’s feisty 1-0 win at Granada by hosting Mallorca at the Camp Nou in what should be the non-taxing football equivalent of... er... playing Mallorca at the Camp Nou.

Round 11 mini-predictions
Sevilla v Granada – Home win
Barcelona v Mallorca – Home win
Sporting v Athletic – Away win
Atlético Madrid v Zaragoza – Home win
Valencia v Getafe – Draw
Osasuna v Levante – Home win
Real Sociedad v Real Madrid – Away win
Villarreal v Rayo Vallecano – Home win
Málaga v Espanyol – Home win
Racing Santander v Betis – Away win

Boring Barça scrape past Granada as Mourinho house trains his players

2011-10-26T09:51:00Z

Barcelona beat Granada 1-0 on Tuesday night, but you wouldn’t really guess it from the somewhat muted response in Wednesday morning's papers. And as well it might be, as Pep’s Dream Boys were restricted to just a single goal - albeit a magnificent free-kick from Xavi - by a newly-promoted side who played over half an hour with just ten men

Even the Barcelona manager himself admitted his side weren’t all that in Andalusia, with Guardiola grumbling that “we were not fast in our circulation of the ball. We didn’t get into their box enough.”

“It’s like Barça are playing at 50% capacity,” fretted Josep Maria Casanovas writing in Sport. “One goal in two matches is a poor return for a team that has 70% possession of the ball.”

“The spectators should get their money back,” suggests J.M Artells writing in Mundo Deportivo. “The blaugrana were barely recognisable in the first half.”

The chance to prod a disapproving finger into Barça’s belly certainly wasn’t missed in the Spanish capital, with AS editor Alfredo Relaño tutting that “just when Madrid have reached a state of grace, Barça appear to have lost a bit of inspiration, or, if not, luck.

“Xavi against boredom,” moaned the paper’s match report.

Dullness certainly wasn’t the feature of Tuesday’s other match, with Sevilla being held to a 2-2 home draw by the then bottom-of-the-table Racing in a bit of a surprising result. But it’s unlikely the Cantabrians will gain too much pleasure from the point and two goals scored as the match was lost by Racing in injury-time after a header from Manu del Moral rescued Sevilla’s booty

“It’s a shame as it would have been our first win,” sighed Racing boss, Héctor Cúper.

There are six games being played on Wednesday night, headed up by league leaders Levante's home tie with Real Sociedad. With the visitors in a bit of a dodgy spot at the moment, LLL is going to curse the blog’s newfound heroes by predicting a seventh straight win for Levante, who have now picked up 53 points in their last 26 league games. However, there are still some glum faces in the Valencia club’s squad concerning thier eventual fate this season

“Everything will end up going to back to normal,” predicted midfielder Juanlu. “Levante will end up fighting for their lives to survive.”

A win on Wednesday would give Levante 23 points, meaning that the club would only have to find seven more victories in the current campaign to triumph in that eventual struggle to the death at the bottom, so there are some reasons to be cheerful for the 31-year-old.

Rayo Vallecano are looking for their first home win of the season against a Málaga side who are in terrible shape, having conceded seven and scored nowt in their last two games against Levante and Real Madrid. Getafe host Osasuna in what is set to be a dog of a match, while Mallorca will be trying to score a proper goal for once - the team’s last four have been penalties - with the visit of Sporting.

Valencia will enjoy playing away from their currently disgruntled fans against Zaragoza, while Real Madrid will be taking on Villarreal in the Bernabeu in front of their...er...gruntled fans. Interestingly and entertainingly, this is a clash that has given Marca all sorts of trouble.

Because of the paper’s insistence of awarding Cristiano Ronaldo an extra goal last season, to help the Portuguese along the way in their top scorer ‘Pichichi’ prize, Wednesday’s edition gasps that the forward is just a single strike away from his century for Real Madrid. However, a glance at AS shows that Ronaldo is actually two away from scoring a hundred official goals - a record that pretty much everyone else runs with.

Marca’s other dilemma is the news that José Mourinho allowed his players to stay at home rather than in a hotel overnight for a home match, something the players hate doing. Manuel Pellegrini gave into their grumbles during his ill-fated reign and allowed his squad home-leave the night before games at the Bernabeu to huge criticism from Marca, who slammed his 'weak will'.

Golden boy Mourinho doing the same sees Marca having to back peddle a little by publishing the ten rules that the Madrid manager has given to his footballers on the front page - or rather the ten rules that the paper has completely made up to get them out of a tight spot. These apparent laws from above include getting between eight and ten hours sleep and “not going to bed hungry or thirsty.”

The irony is that, although there are many matches in which Madrid will need to be in tip-top form this season, the visit of Villarreal is not one of them. A night on the town, a cheesy burrito and a couple of hours kip would still be enough preparation to beat a team playing abysmally at the moment. LLL wouldn’t bet against at least two members of the side’s fun-lovin’ back five have experienced such a night ahead of Wednesday’s game.

Levante finally get their due as Racing decide to take up rugby

2011-10-25T11:03:00Z

On catching a glimpse of the latest La Liga table, the reaction of the sports media in Barcelona and Madrid must have been akin to that of a rather slow-witted individual gawping at a 3D 'magic eye' picture.

“No, no I don’t see it. A space ship crashing into Pluto? Really? Sir Alex naked as well?” But in this case, the response was “Levante? In first place? That's not what I can see..."

It must eventually have clicked that neither Barcelona nor Real Madrid are currently top of the table - something that was largely overlooked in Monday's editions, with a bone only thrown Levante’s way a day later, accompanied by a patronising pat on the head.

The front cover on AS reveals the dramatic news that Real Madrid hope to score lots of goals this season, but the inside the theme soon switches to the current leagye leaders.

“Eleven men and one idea,” writes the paper’s boss, Alfredo Relaño, on Levante, who were greeted by legions of fans and fireworks on their return to their stadium in the very early hours of Monday morning, after the victory over Villarreal.

Marca don’t go quite that far, and instead dedicate the first ten pages of Tuesday's edition to the greatness of Iker Casillas, ‘Mou Team II’ and the Santiago Bernabeu - we promise we're genuinely not making this up - before covering Levante on page 26 and...wait for it...page 27.

“Clearly Levante are not going to win the league and their situation is transitory,” says Tuesday’s editorial cheerfully. “But while the moment lasts we should emphasise the enormous lesson in humility which this modest team run by Quico Catalan is offering.”

Over in the Catalan capital, Sport have taken notice of the league table despite Barça being in action on Tuesday night. “Clearly Levante’s leadership is like a gift from God - a miracle,” writes Josep Maria Casanovas, failing notice that if such divine intervention is needed to break up La Liga's duopoly then Spanish football really is in trouble. “They know sooner rather than later the glory will lesson. But when the music stops they have 20 points and have given Valencia and Villarreal a kick.”

Barcelona will probably sneak back above Levante on this evening after their away clash against a Granada side who have only scored two goals in eight games - not an ideal record to take into a match against the European Champions. But Monday must still have been one of those days when Pep Guardiola wished he could have just stayed in bed, knowing that he had to face the media with questions on whether he is upset not to be top of the table with some 30 games still to go and whether Leo Messi is a blubbering mess after missing a penalty against Sevilla.

After replying ‘no’ and ‘no’ to those googlies, the Barça boss did reveal his concern regarding the constant string of injuries his team seem to suffer. “We can’t keep up this rhythm,” admitted Guardiola, hinting that the club may need to ease off on the pre-season tours in future.

Tuesday’s other match sees dull-but-worthy Sevilla facing Racing Santander, who are bottom-of-the-table and in all sorts of trouble.

Seeing as the squad were having so much difficulty playing football, rugby was introduced to Monday’s training session before questions were thrown (presumably only backwards) at coach Héctor Cúper regarding his future at the club.

“If one day there are doubts about me I’ll step aside and some one else can come in and fix everything,” said the Racing boss in what could be a make-or-break match for the Argentinean manager.

Good Day, Bad Day: Life-affirming Levante & a spot of bother for Barca

2011-10-24T13:06:00Z

Good Day

Levante
La Liga Loca suspected rather gloomily that Levante might choke when presented with the opportunity to move to the top of the table during Sunday’s late game against Villarreal. This was partly because all sense of spirit and good will had been sucked from the blog during Atlético’s 1-1 draw against Mallorca, but also due to the simple fact that winning six games in a row, which is what Levante needed to achieve to move to the summit, is more than challenging for any team, never mind one with the paltry resources of the Valencia-based club.
But Levante came though and were magnificent in the team’s 3-0 win over Villarreal: precise, energetic, confident and lethal. In fact everything that the El Madrigal side weren’t. Levante moved to the top for the first time in the club’s 102 year history and fully deserved it, too.

José Mourinho
Towards the end of Real Madrid’s 4-0 win over Málaga, José Mourinho was slumped back in his seat watching the the final minutes, chatting and chuckling to his cronies. And as well as he should, as a blistering first half from his side blew Málaga away, with a hat-trick from Cristiano Ronaldo and a strike from Gonzalo Higuaín leaving the match all but won after 45 minutes.
“In the first half it seemed that Málaga were not so good, but that was due to us,” maintained Mourinho, who claimed he didn’t mind the insults from the crowd or the half-nibbled seeds being chucked in his direction by the home fans. “My goalkeeper coach ate them all,” revealed the chirpy, cheeky chappy.

Angel di María
There are many aspects of the Argentinean's play that leave LLL with a very squirmy face indeed. It's the same face the blog makes when being confronted by any kind of seafood. The outrageous diving and cheating are just two of those features. But we will admit that Di María can certainly play a bit when he wants to.
Real Madrid only improved against Betis last weekend when the winger was introduced in the second half, providing some much-needed width and two assists for Gonzalo Higuaín. Di Maria popped up with a couple more on Saturday against Málaga to demonstrate that Madrid’s squad is so strong at the moment that Mesut Özil could be left on the bench without anybody really noticing...

Javi Varas
There has been high praise in Spain for the Sevilla keeper following his game-saving performance against Barcelona, during which he pulled off a big save to deny pretty much against each and every member of the opposition, even blocking an injury time penalty from Leo Messi.
For some three seasons now, Varas has been behind Andrés Palop, but with Marcelino wanting to freshen up the squad, the former number two goalie has grasped his opportunity to star. The performance against Barcelona was no fluke as the 28-year-old has been solid all season with Sevilla conceding just the single goal in the last five games.

Espanyol
Back-to-back 1-0 away wins see the Pericos sneaking into eighth place in the table. “Our rivals are finding it hard to get close to our goal,” revealed the scorer of Espanyol’s winner, Sergio García. “We are working really hard away from home.”

Raul García
The Osasuna midfielder is now Osasuna’s top scorer with four goals, the last of those coming in a comfortable 3-0 win over Zaragoza. And if anyone had seen Raúl García play for Atlético Madrid over the past few seasons, they’ll know just how mad that scoring statistic sounds.

Iker Muniain
A cracking solo effort for the ever-improving wee nipper gave Athletic Bilbao the lead against Valencia in a match that would ultimately end 1-1.

Mallorca
The football gods continue to be living in Mallorca’s spare bedroom. The Balearic side’s last four goals have all come from the spot. And the last two penalty awards have been as flimsy as you can imagine, with referees blessing Mallorca with two spot-kicks following fairly clear ball-to-hand incidents, the second of which cursed Atlético some twenty seconds into Sunday’s 1-1 bore draw at the Vicente Calderón.

Rayo Vallecano
The mighty Rayo needed their 2-0 win over Betis like they need a fourth side to their stadium. A bright start to the campaign in la Primera had been followed by a run which saw just the single point picked up in four games. Rayo’s win on Sunday came from the penalty spot and a delightful lob from the impressive Alhassane Bangoura, who continues to show why quite a few big cheeses in Europa are interested in the young winger’s signature.

Sporting
Oooh, how Sporting manager Manuel Preciado would have enjoyed that victory. A decent performance - but eventual defeat - against Sevilla last week showed there were signs of optimism for Sporting ahead of Saturday’s clash against fellow bottom-dwellers, Granada. Although Sporting were gifted the two goals with a horrible performance from opposition keeper, Roberto, the Asturians will take anything these days in what was the side’s first win of the season.

Bad Day

Barcelona
Two dropped points for Barcelona on Saturday saw Madrid get away with the poor results against Levante and Racing to lead Pep’s Dream Boys by one point in the table. But this must also be balanced with the face that Barcelona have already played Valencia, Atlético Madrid, Villarreal (perhaps not so hard, these days) and Sevilla. Real Madrid have not.
LLL thought Barça were just fine on Saturday night and that seems to be the opinion of the local press who have taken the dropped points on the collective, Catalan chin. “The team can’t be criticised,” says Joan Battle in Sport. “They tried from the first minute, dominated the match from beginning to end, never gave up on their style...shot more than 20 times...what more can you ask?” It’s a reaction echoed in Mundo Deportivo with Francesc Aguilar soothing that “this Barça can feel proud of themselves.”

Valencia
Some segments of the Valencia crowd were unhappy with the side before the team’s home draw with Athletic Bilbao, so LLL can’t imagine what mood they’ll be in after Los Che only drew their clash against the Basque visitors with late goal from Roberto Soldado.

Betis
Four wins in a row for Betis that sent the Andalusian side to the top of the table have now been followed by four defeats. It is the two at home that have been the most costly, and more than a little unlucky. That was certainly case in the 2-0 loss to Rayo Vallecano on Sunday afternoon. “We are really down as I think it was unfair,” admitted Pepe Mel after the game. But the Betis coach also made the fair point that “we are in the eighth round and seven points from the relegation zone.”

Manuel Pellegrini
The chance to stick a barbed one up the jacksie of both the constantly baiting Marca and Pellegrini’s former employers was missed by miles in a match that saw Málaga only start playing during the second half. And only because Real Madrid let them do so by scaling down the intensity a notch or two.

Atlético Madrid
Gregorio Manzano needed a strong start to his spell at the Vicente Calderón with a large section of the Rojiblanco support doubting the laid back manager was what Atlético required when he took over during the summer. This isn’t what Manzano has managed to achieve.
A truly dreadful performance in a horrible 1-1 match for Atlético against Mallorca had LLL screaming ‘my eyes! my eyes!’ in the stands had the crowd booing at the final whistle with some chants calling for the sacking of Manzano.
Atlético are now without a win in six games in la Liga or Europe. Awful, awful stuff. Awful.

Real Sociedad
Three defeats and a goalless draw is the recent record for la Real Sociedad, a team who began the year so brightly but are now fading fast.

Villarreal
What the Yellow Submarine need is a morale-boosting midweek victory on the road to get them back on track after the Levante loss. What the Yellow Submarine have got though is a potentially messy trip to the Santiago Bernabeu on Wednesday. If Villarreal play like they did on Sunday night, LLL wouldn’t rule out a double-digit defeat.

Getafe
A second successive goalless draw for Getafe with Sunday’s 0-0 against Real Sociedad leaves Getafe just one point and one place above the drop zone.

Racing Santander
Bottom-of-the table. The only side without a victory. Just four goals scored. Owner gone AWOL and being investigated by Interpol. Falling attendances. “We are not in a good shape, we can’t hide it,” admitted beleaguered Racing coach, Hector Cúper.

La Preview: Ronaldo losing 'killer instinct' as Rami apologises to ref's mum

2011-10-21T08:54:00Z

Saturday

Sporting (20th) v Granada (18th) - 18.00 (local time)
Despite Sporting losing to Sevilla last Sunday, a defeat that saw the Asturian side remain rooted to the bottom of the table, their performance was quite a sprightly one. This has kept Manuel Preciado in his job for another week. However, even the gurgling sports papers aren’t exaggerating (for once) when calling the coming weekend's clash against Granada a 'final', seeing as it’s against another team currently in the drop zone.
“We know what we are playing for on Saturday, it’s more than three points,” admitted striker, Mate Bilic. “We failed against two direct rivals and could only get a draw against Racing at home. We are capable of getting out of this situation but it doesn’t mean anything just saying it, we need to get going and show it right now.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (19th) v Espanyol (10th) - 18.00
Constantly changing and frequently unsocial kick-off times, Spain’s economic crisis and expensive ticket prices are all being offered up as root causes for many clubs suffering a drop in attendances this season. The biggest dip is being suffered by Racing Santander, who Marca report have seen a 36% drop from the average attendance at El Sardinero of last season.
Racing being sat second bottom of the table, without a victory and with just four goals to their name probably isn’t going to bring the crowds in on Saturday’s game either.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Málaga (6th) v Real Madrid (3rd) - 20.00
Having grown a little tired of asking the mirror on the wall who is the fairest of Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuaín, AS have now begun pondering whether they prefer the new, more frequently passing (but less frequently scoring) Cristiano Ronaldo, who has already set up seven goals this season compared to the 12 for the whole of last term.
“I’m worried that Cristiano is not scoring,” fretted José Antonio Ponseti in a debate in Friday’s edition. “I prefer to have the Portuguese happy and with his killer instincts flat out.”
Meanwhile, continuing the traditions of rich people never having to pay for anything, the Madrid players were given Audis to whizz around town in for the season. Alvaro Arbeloa picked the cheapest at €42,000, while Ronaldo went for the priciest at a cool €186,000 - something called an R8 Spyder. Perhaps the Madrid forward hasn’t changed that much after all...
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (1st) v Sevilla (4th) - 22.00
Honestly, the media in Spain could make an almighty controversy out of ....errrrm... a molehill. Sevilla this week announced that, starting with their visit to the Camp Nou on Saturday, the big sponsorless space on the front of the players’ shirts will be plastered with the slogan, “Proud of Andalusia”.
There's nothing wrong with that, the club have used the region to give themselves a bit of identity on many occasions, even choosing to declare their love for cucumbers during the recent food poisoning scare which badly hit local farmers.
No, the tizz over this instance surrounds the suggestion that it is an attempt to go toe-to-toe with Barcelona in the nationalist stakes and stir a hornets' nest. It was a topic on which Pep Guardiola was probed following his side’s 2-0 Champions League win over Plzen, but it was an initiative the Barça boss was evidently not in the least bit bothered by. “I think it’s fantastic that people are proud of their homeland,” said Guardiola to a provoking press.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Betis (7th) v Rayo Vallecano (16th) - 12.00
It’s a big match for Betis defender, Antonio Amaya, who will line up against former club Rayo after jumping from one near bankrupt team to another - via Wigan - over the summer.
“It’s going to be difficult,” admitted the stopper to LLL, “Rayo is the team where I grew up but now I’m playing for Betis.”
Both sides are coming into the game on the back of some iffy form but Rayo defender Tito says that the dressing room is unconcerned by Sunday’s home defeat against Espanyol.
“The dressing room is not worried because until last weekend, the team had been doing well. We don’t have to spill our blood for one defeat although it was painful.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (13th) v Getafe (17th) - 16.00
With Getafe managing their worst attendance of the season so far, just 7,000, for the Coliseum clash with Villarreal last Saturday, the club is now proposing the notion that their normally sparse stands are in an even worse state when the side are playing at the same time as Real Madrid, which is what happened last weekend. It is thought 2,000 of the team’s 9,000 season ticket holders are also in bed with Real Madrid, with Ronaldo, Mourinho and co. always certain to have more allure.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Mallorca (12th) - 18.00
Atlético Madrid goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois, currently on-loan from Chelsea, has done rather well for the Rojiblancos since arriving at the Vicente Calderón and is one of the primary reasons for the spookily large number of clean sheets Atleti have mustered this season - a record balanced out by an inability to score at the other end, mind.
Interviewed during the week on radio station COPE, the Belgian revealed that he may well be staying at Atlético for a second season - something that will delight the waiting-in-the-wings Joel and Sergio Asenjo, no doubt. However, Courtois is fairly confident that it’s Stamford Bridge rather than the Vicente Calderón that will eventually be his stadium of choice. “I know he has problems with his knees and back,” said the goalkeeper on Peter Cech. “The goalkeeping coach at Chelsea told me he doesn’t know how long he can play at a high level.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (15th) v Zaragoza (9th) - 18.00
Zaragoza’s Helder Postiga was the proud holder of LLL’s goal of the week award - the first and only perhaps, with the blog losing track of the imaginary trinkets it hands out - after a wonderful overhead effort against Real Sociedad. “[It was] one of the best goals of my career,” beamed the Portuguese poacher in an interview with AS. “Sometimes these kinds of shots don’t go so well, but despite it being a difficult execution it went ok this time.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (5th) v Athletic Bilbao (11th) - 20.00
One player who won’t be taking part in this intriguing encounter is Valencia’s Adil Rami. The Mestalla defender was sent off in the closing minutes of last weekend’s draw with Mallorca for telling the referee that his mother was ...ahem... of ill-repute after a penalty was awarded against his team for a dodgy hand-ball.
However, the French defender still doesn’t really understand why he was instantly given his marching orders. “I thought it was normal to say this in Spain,” claimed Rami, who does have a point about what is a particularly potty-mouthed country. “I didn’t want to be insulting. I don’t even know the referee’s mother.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (14th) v Levante (2nd) - 22.00
The Villarreal camp are still smarting over their late, late defeat to Manchester City on Tuesday night, especially with mean old Kun Agüero being a big bully and making fun of his opponents in the tunnel - something the Argentinean has denied through the magic medium of Twitter.
“He knows what he did and so do we,” sniffed Villarreal defender, José Manuel Catalá on Thursday. “He has the right to deny it but I know what happened. Everything stays on the pitch,” warned Catalá in what Kun can be expecting in El Madrigal at the rematch in Spain.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Anger over Agüero’s antics as Benzema batters Lyon

2011-10-19T09:40:00Z

When it comes across English football, the delicate and snooty LLL is rather like Frasier’s Niles Crane confronted with an evening of cage fighting – in that it finds it crass, brutish, violent but also a bit of a tingly turn-on. Exposure to Rooney & Co. often necessitates a shower. For several reasons.

LLL hosed itself down again before beddy-bies having spent the evening in the company of Manchester City, apparently the Premier League leaders – or so the blog reads elsewhere in the wonderful pages of FourFourTwo.com.

Well, LLL was blowing raspberries in a northern direction from its Madrid penthouse until 92 minutes into the match against Villarreal, thinking that if that’s the best that England has to offer then the Daily Mail are probably due another campaign complaining about the footballing (and moral, of course) crisis at the heart of the English game.

The island nation's finest should easily have picked off Villarreal, a poor side who have only have managed a single league win and taken two Champions League shellackings. Instead, the visitors came 15 seconds from taking a point off Manchester City – insert obligatory comment about their billions – before pesky Kun Agüero popped up far post with a winner in the 2-1 victory.

NEWS Last-gasp Aguero goal sinks Villarreal

The former Atlético Madrid man was at the centre of post-match controversy with a claim from the Spanish camp that Kun was taking the pee out of the vanquished visitors.

“Kun was laughing at our players,” fumed Villarreal VP José Manuel Llanza. “In football you have to have class, especially in moments like these,” noted Carlos Marchena. The City striker denied any such accusations on Twitter, meaning that either he or a bunch of people from Villarreal are telling fibs.

The only controversy after Real Madrid’s easy 4-0 win over Lyon was a completely-losing-it Spanish press gurgling furiously over José Mourinho’s decision to play Karim Benzema instead of the in-form Gonzalo Higuaín against the French side. “And so the debate goes on,” sighed the weary Madrid manager, who's going to have to get used to this mini-civil war in the Mordor camp until the end of the season.

NEWS Real Madrid march on after mauling Lyon

AS were happy campers in regards to the victory, with editor Alfredo Relaño claiming that “Madrid had more strength, spirit, football, everything.” That list should also include ‘money’, which is why the club were able to buy Benzema off Lyon in the first place.

The France striker scored one and set up another to leave Madrid with nine points from nine and not far from winning the group. “Madrid are destroying Europe like Napoleon’s first battles,” boasted Tomás Roncero, who will have to hope that the club’s Champions League campaign doesn’t go all Russia 1812.

On Wednesday night Valencia have a make-or-break match at Bayer Leverkusen. After two points from two Champions League games, coach Unai Emery decided to take all 24 squad members to Germany.

LLL suspected that such extravagance might have caused some alarm among the bosses of the cash-strapped club – until the blog read that pretty much all of the board had travelled too in what appears to be a giant German jolly. “What better occasion than the Champions League when we can all be together?” asked Emery rhetorically, having earlier had to field the baffling question of “is this a final?” ahead of a group-stage match.

Barcelona are expected to wipe the floor with Czech side Viktoria Plzen, despite Pep Guardiola urging caution. Opposing manager Pavel Vrba was more honest, daydreaming that “if we win, they’ll build us a statue in Pilsen.”

Mourinho struggles with his bullets as Villarreal prepare to get a bit cheeky

2011-10-18T09:46:00Z

The challenge facing Marca’s graphics department on Monday was a significant one. They were required to take photographs of six Real Madrid players and squeeze them onto the shells of six bullets. And they failed.

Instead of looking like deadly ammunition-shaped assassins, Karim Benzema, Gonzalo Higuaín, Mesut Özil, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaká and Angel di María looked like a cross between Humpty Dumpty and the Vogons from a ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’ - something Benzema already manages without the need for Photoshop trickery.

Marca was attempting to point out that José Mourinho had a difficult job squeezing his six ‘bullets’ into four positions out on the pitch, and that some tough decisions would have to be made ahead of Tuesday’s Champions League clash with Lyon.

The Madrid manager seemed less than impressed by Marca’s imagery at Monday’s press conference. “Now I have six bullets but 15 days ago we had no goals, Higuaín and Benzema were bad and it was ‘why didn’t we sign Agüero?’”, scoffed the eye-poking Portuguese. Mourinho is under the impression the Spanish media is out to get him by causing divisions between those squatting in the Benzema camp and those found of a bit of Higuaín action. And yes, there are actual camps. “These are your debates, not mine. Your objectives are different. Mine is to unite, not divide,” slammed Mourinho.

With everything in la Liga being political, especially in the press, the pro-Benzema brigade tend to be aligned with Florentino Pérez and will always dislike Higuaín for being more popular with the fans than the Frenchman, for being signed by Ramón Calderón and for supposedly being a big team bottler who only bangs in his hat-tricks against the minnows. The Higuaín massive feel that Benzema is a lazy bum who will be forever be protected by Pérez with the Frenchman being a very personal signing by the Madrid president.

Whoever starts up front - and out wide - for Madrid in the Champions League should be more than enough to see off Lyon, with Mourinho admitting he is demanding two victories in the back-to-back matches with the French side to win the group as early as possible and rest players for the final games in preparation for the December Clásico clash.

An infinitely more interesting game is taking place in the northwest of England with the current group A dunces, Manchester City and Villarreal, facing off in a game both teams need to win. The odds are stacked against the Spanish visitors, given they are in dreadfully poor form having only managed the one victory in la Liga.

But Villarreal coach Juan Carlos Garrido is nothing but positive ahead of the game. “Nobody makes us favourites and we’ll try and to play with impudence and daring.”

That cheek and daring looks set to involve Villarreal lining up with five central midfielders - which must be some kind of record - with Cani, Jonathan de Guzman, Borja Valero, Bruno and Carlos Marchena all squeezed in behind Giuseppe Rossi up front.

With Villarreal set to be narrower than Jesús Navas’s traveling horizons, Tuesday night’s clash should be an easy peasy one for Roberto Mancini’s men.

Good Day, Bad Day: Outstanding Argentinians and failing Falcao

2011-10-17T12:14:00Z

GOOD DAY

Gonzalo Higuaín, Leo Messi
The awesome Argentinians have now scored 18 league goals between them this season. Both starred in comfortable victories for Real Madrid and Barcelona against Betis and Racing respectively, although the former made heavy weather of it in the first 45 minutes of their game at the Santiago Bernabeu on Saturday.

Despite Levante’s stubborn refusal to budge from their position wedged firmly between the pair, both teams are already starting to pull away from some of the chasing pack with Valencia and Málaga dropping points this weekend.

Tactically, the two sides are still different kettles of compost. Barcelona are patient and probing and thrive when playing against teams who park the bus; the same cannot be said for Madrid, who badly struggle against sides that sit back but are lethal on the counter-attack when a single mistake is made.

Levante
Technically speaking, all of Levante’s goals in their 3-0 win over Málaga were a little bit jammy. The first was a deflected shot from José Bakero, followed by a pounce on a rebounding free-kick for the second. The final goal was a weirdly bouncing ball making a goalkeeper looking a bit silly in a one-on-one. But Levante were still fully deserving of their victory over their rivals in the big chase for the Champions League places.

Considering Levante have now won five in a row and have the same points as Barcelona, LLL now feels at liberty to honour a brilliant campaign for the club.

Sevilla
Although Sevilla’s record of not conceding a league goal since round two went out the window on Sunday night, it was another win for Marcelino – a 2-1 victory against Sporting – to keep Sevilla ticking along very nicely indeed just two points from the top of the table.

Helder Postiga
The times that LLL has seen the Zaragoza striker in action this season, he has been terrible. Well, the one time that LLL has seen the Zaragoza striker in action this season, he was terrible. But Postiga popped up with two goals on Sunday, including a peach of a bicycle-kick for Zaragoza’s first in a 2-0 win over Real Sociedad.

Joaquín Caparrós
Mallorca’s last three goals in la Liga have come from penalties, which might make the Balearic side the only one in Spain who do not constantly claim that the refereeing gods are against them for everyone minute of every match. The last of those spot-kick strikes came in the final seconds of Mallorca’s 1-1 draw with Valencia – the first match in charge for Joaquín Caparrós, who has seen the limited footballing talent in the side and opted for super-sizing the “rolling up the sleeves, giving everything for 90 minutes” angle instead.

Granada
Nothing like the visit of Atlético Madrid to raise the spirits and give a side self-belief that they can compete in la Primera. That’s what Granada would have felt after picking up a point against the Rojiblancos. Indeed, the home side could have won the match if it weren’t for a pesky post getting in the way of a header from Ikechukwu Uche.

BAD DAY

Málaga
Manuel Pellegrini’s men never turned up at all for Sunday’s Levante game. Málaga would have been battered even without losing their goalkeeper to a first-half red card.

Valencia
A handy three away points were on the cards at Mallorca until the referee spotted Mehmet Topal's injury-time handball in the Valencia box. Technically, Paradas Romero was right in what he saw, but the eventual decision to award a penalty to Mallorca was wrong as it was a fast, driven ball striking the top of his arm and not the arm intercepting the ball. “The handball was involuntarily,” says Marca, agreeing with LLL for perhaps the first time ever.

Betis
A fine defensive effort in the first half was let down in the opening seconds of the second when the often wobbly Chica allowed Ronaldo to get a few yards on him. Among the team-mates trying manfully to keep the score respectable thereafter was Antonio Amaya, who spoke to LLL after the game. “We had a very complete first half but we knew that it wasn’t enough and that the most difficult part of the game was to come,” said the centre-back.

Falcao
A month ago, Atlético Madrid and free-scoring Falcao were kings of the world after the Colombian scored back-to-back hat-tricks against Racing and Sporting. “Falcao is the force that moves the world,” announced Marca. Since those wins there has been absolutely nada from Falcao – or indeed any of his team-mates, with Atlético failing to score in their last three league games.

Giuseppe Rossi, Dani Güiza
Part of the reason that Villarreal and Getafe are both struggling this season, with just two wins between them, is the failure of their front men to find the back of the net. Rossi has managed just the one strike from open play this year, and there was much looking to the heavens and frustrated shirt-nibbling after clearcut chances were blown in Saturday’s goalless draw against Getafe. It was the same situation for opposite number Dani Güiza, who has yet to score for the Coliseum club since returning from exile.

Rayo Vallecano
Vallecano coach José Sandoval and his players have been most up front in seeing the club’s form at their three-sided stadium as being key to the team’s survival chances. So far, the cunning plan hasn’t worked with Rayo yet to win in their three games in Madrid. The latest setback was a 1-0 defeat to Espanyol, but it was a loss the boss admitted they deserved: “We were not ourselves, we were not right from the first moment.”

Sporting
Yet another defeat for the bottom-of-the-table side, but there were signs of improvement for Sporting, which may just help Manuel Preciado keep his job for another week. “There are no signs that this team is dead,” grumbled the Sporting boss, hurriedly unzipping the body-bag.

La Preview: The ‘new Deportivo’ & Levante’s special snacks

2011-10-14T09:42:00Z

SATURDAY

Mallorca (10th) v Valencia (5th) – 18.00 (local time)
LLL’s lonely life without Joaquín Caparrós didn’t last too long, thank the merciful gods. After leaving Athletic Bilbao over the summer with his presidential employer having lost an election, ‘Jokin’ moved to Switzerland and the madcap world of Neuchâtel Xamax.

That Alpine adventure was a brief one, what with the owner being barking mad, so Caparrós returned to Spain just in time to sneak his feet into Michael Laudrup’s expensive loafers after the Danish boss left Mallorca in quite a huff at the end of September.

Rather than players talking about how the ball has become the focus during training sessions, it seems that the new Mallorca manager has been getting his new squad to run around a lot and threatening to drop them at any time. What’s more, Caparrós has also learned a handy new trick in his short spell away from la Liga: the ability to bend time. “We guarantee we will give everything 25 hours a day, not 24,” promised the barmy Balearic boss.
LLL prediction: Away win

Getafe (17th) v Villarreal (12th) – 18.00
Ahead of the final match before the international break, José Mourinho threw his Real Madrid players a very public BBQ – a tasty feat that no doubt got Karim Benzema moving quicker than in years as he hunted hot sausage.

Noting the success of this meat-munching morale booster, Getafe boss Luis García tried the same approach with his failing footballers who sit just above the relegation zone on goal difference.

It may be hard to judge if this friendly flame-up actually worked: Getafe are playing poor old Villarreal, a side also suffering a tough start to the season – perhaps due to the summer departures of Joan Capdevila and Santi Cazorla, admits Marcos Senna. “The dressing room missed them. They brought a lot of joy every morning,” claimed the midfielder, who has now played 300 matches for Villarreal.
LLL prediction: Draw

Real Madrid (3rd) v Betis (7th) – 18.00
Betis boss Pepe Mel isn’t just a fine manager with a love of a natty green tie who got his team out of a second division hole last season and has lead the Andalusian side to a strong start to the new campaign. Pepe Mel is also a proper, grown-up author, having penned a thriller called The Liar which is set to be released this week.

The manager has revealed that the book has little to do with football despite his day-to-day profession and definitely isn’t referring to most of the shady characters who have been in charge of Betis over the past 20 years or so.
LLL prediction: Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Racing Santander (18th) – 20.00
Safe on the other side of the Med with Roma, Bojan Krkic has shown the kind of cojones and bravado that would have been handy during his time at Barcelona, which started so well and then fizzled away some what. The Serie A striker has joined the former Camp Nou forward pair of Samuel Eto’o and Zlatan Ibrahimovic in claiming that Pep Guardiola is not the all powerful, motivating, managerial genius that balding Barça boss clearly is.

“If Guardiola called now, then I wouldn’t answer,” sniffed Bojan on a very hypothetical situation indeed. “I decided to leave on the day of the Wembley final,” revealed the youngster on a matter that was probably out of his hands a long time before. “I knew I couldn’t start the game but when we were winning 3-1 after 75 minutes, I thought I’d play. We went a long time without talking,” whispered yet another striker who lost his ‘feeling’ with Guardiola.
LLL prediction: Home win

Granada (19th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) – 22.00
The poll published by AS this week on the likes and dislikes of supporters in regards to rival clubs saw Atlético Madrid come out reasonably well, with the Rojiblancos ending up in third place behind Barcelona and Real Madrid on the sexier side of the scale.

LLL, Mon 10 Oct: Poll reveals deep divide in Spanish fans' loyalties

“I believe that Atlético Madrid is a much-loved team that has never created enemies,” crowed club president Enrique Cerezo. “I feel that Atlético fans have always been respectful to everyone else, although there’s always a minority that isn’t,” said the Rojiblanco president, referring to the low-life scumbags who sang “oh, oh, oh, Puerta’s getting dizzy” during the recent clash with Sevilla in the Vicente Calderón.
LLL prediction: Away win

SUNDAY

Rayo Vallecano (13th) v Espanyol (15th) – 12.00
Despite the club having a stadium that is falling apart somewhat, has just three sides, awful sight-lines for fans, no mixed zone and a terrible pitch that the manager has said will cost the team points this season, Rayo president has stuck his neck out to complain that Madrid’s third side should host a Spain match in the near future.

“We want to be respected like other teams. Others are given financial help and we aren’t. Spain plays at other grounds but not in Vallecas,” stropped Raúl Martín, lobbing toys in the direction of the Spanish FA headquarters.
LLL prediction: Home win

Zaragoza (14th) v Real Sociedad (9th) – 16.00
Just when la Real’s French winger Antoine Griezmann had eked his way back into the supporters’ good books after pushing heavily for a move to Atlético Madrid over the summer, it seems that the midfielder is going to have to start all over again having told France Football that he sees his future away from San Sebastian.

“What Griezmann has to do is get back to his best form, do his talking on the pitch and score goals. And of course fulfill the contract he has with us until 2015,” said displeased Real Sociedad president Jokin Aperribay in response.
LLL prediction: Draw

Levante (2nd) v Málaga (4th) – 18.00
Four wins in a row, no defeats, beating Real Madrid and with just three goals conceded makes Levante the team of the season so far in Spain – heck, team of the season in the whole wide world. To explain how one of the poorest sides in la Liga and a squad stuffed with old fogies ends up on the same number of points as one of the richest in Barcelona, Levante’s head of medical services Rafael Plaza popped up to explain all.

“An old squad brings a greater risk of injuries but also experience,” said the doc, who revealed that the footballers often chow down on pizza and paella on the team bus home after games. Special mention was made of Levante’s 36-year-old defender Sergio Ballesteros, a veteran footballer who has a campaign to have him called up to la Selección. “It’s rare for him in training to do the kind of runs he did against Ronaldo. He knows exactly when he should use this resource and when he should rest it,” said Plaza.
LLL prediction: Away win

Sevilla (6th) v Sporting (20th) – 22.00
Having sat through a goalless draw against Atlético Madrid in the last round at the Vicente Calderón and the two 1-0 wins for Sevilla, LLL suspects that Marcelino’s men way well be the new Deportivo. But with a defence. Sevilla will need to stick a few past bottom-of-the-table Sporting on Sunday if they are to avoid this branding by the blog.
LLL prediction: Home win

MONDAY

Athletic Bilbao (16th) v Osasuna (11th) – 21.00
José Luis Mendilbar is taking his Pamplona players to a club where he was both a player and coach. The Osasuna manager has also noticed the tactical changes under newbie boss Marcelo Bielsa, who's in the opposite dugout on Monday night. “It’s true that they push forward more. It’s daring. They almost want to play in the opponent’s half.”

And as for whether Mendilibar will have any special feelings on returning to Athletic Bilbao, the Osasuna manager claims that “it’s not just any club,” but that “when I go to San Mamés, I forget it’s Athletic and during the week I study the rival and dedicate myself to preparing to win the game.”
LLL prediction: Home win

Spain face Euro 2012 with Silva lining

2011-10-12T11:31:00Z

It would appear that yet another attribute of the calm, collected and possibly frequently napping Vicente del Bosque is that the Spain manager isn't one to hold a grudge. Well, not when it’s not completely justified.

A story in Marca claims that Florentino Pérez is offering Del Bosque a golden insignia trinket next month as Real Madrid's official recognition for Spain’s World Cup win… but the manager may not turn up to collect it.

And who could blame the moustachioed genius for this suggested snub, considering it was president Pérez’s brilliant idea not to renew Del Bosque’s contract in 2003, despite the coach having won his second league title the day before and two Champions League titles in the preceding three years.

“He was not the right coach for the future," Pérez told the BBC at the time. "We are looking for another type of squad management, more technical from the point of view of strategy of tactics.” Real Madrid subsequently went three seasons without winning la Liga and didn't get past the Champions League quarter-finals until last season, by which time Del Bosque had added a World Cup to his CV.

The manager may have taken a similar position with David Silva after the Man City man’s grumbles last month that he was being unfairly treated by Del Bosque. “I was the only victim of the defeat against Switzerland, and it’s been more or less the same since,” complained the Canary Islander. “I’m a secondary actor.”

“Silva the Superstar”, as Marca brand him on Wednesday morning, put on a full-on Oscar-winning psychopath-portrayal performance against Scotland to put himself back into the Spanish spotlight. According to those geeky types who know and care deeply about tactics, Silva played as a ‘false No.9’ – a bit like Leo Messi, apparently. To LLL, Silva was all over the front three and bagged two goals to boot in the victory over Scotland. “Ten points without a nine,” purred AS.

“I’m happy with my club and with Spain,” said Silva after the game. “I have always dedicated myself to playing football, so from now on people can keep talking.” As Marca’s match report beamed: “The magnificent Spanish midfielder announced his position on the global front as one of the best players of the year and reinforced his role with authority in the national team and offered an excellent alternative to Del Bosque: the team can play perfectly well without an old-fashioned striker.”

That's probably very bad news indeed for Fernando Torres, who watched the match from the bench and continues to be the subject of great debate in Spain as to whether he deserves a ticket to Euro 2012. “You can only play with 11 and make three changes,” announced Del Bosque after the game on why Torres did not feature in the 3-1 win in Alicante.

Although Scotland had their moments, especially in the second half when Spain began to lose a little shape and zip, the visitors were never in the game. “I don’t see any team in Europe capable of playing with the speed and precision of Spain,” admitted Scotland manager Craig Levein.

Despite a defeat that leaves the Scots with a free choice of poolside sun loungers next June, AS's Tomás Roncero saw one positive for Tuesday’s opponents. “Their team has no football, but it has heart. What’s more, they know how to drink their beer with admirable enthusiasm.”

Indeed, after Spain wrapped up a qualifying campaign in which eight wins from eight helped the world champions equal France and Holland’s record of 14 consecutive victories in competitive matches, Roncero is of a good cheer all round: “Football was invented in Great Britain. A century and a half later, Spain have invented fútbol.”

That contention, if not that record, is set to be tested next month. La Selección’s next stop is Wembley for a clash against England – the latest team with the unenviable aim of stopping the strong favourites to win Euro 2012.

Pep’s pleas for peace ignored by Barça bosses

2011-10-11T12:21:00Z

Like a Getafe fan club meeting, Pep Guardiola is a lonely voice crying out in the darkness. A couple of weeks ago, the Barça boss pleaded for institutional peace at the Camp Nou between his current and former presidents – but Joan Laporta’s threat to take civil and legal action against Sandro Rosell and his buddies on the Barcelona board suggests that this appeal has fallen on deaf ears.

Laporta announced on Monday that he was seeking redress against the board and what he president sees as a hostile media organisation, Grupo Godó, owners of La Vanguardia and El Mundo Deportivo.

“They (the directors) have tried to create suspicion, build a lie in their own interest to put people clearly against everything we did,” declared conspiracy buff Laporta, currently facing legal action himself stemming from alleged losses and some overspending during his spell as the Camp Nou president.

AS’s Barcelona correspondent Santi Giménez perfectly sums up the Laporta v Rosell feud and has his own solution: “They're like insufferable children that fight all the time. They deserve to go to bed without dinner.” Knowing Laporta’s love of a good meal, that’s certainly a strong deterrent, if unlikely to happen any time soon.

Ironically – or possibly coincidentally, LLL is never too sure – the former Barcelona president was announcing legal action on the same day that he was in court on other business related to his Camp Nou kingship. Turkish agent Bayram Tutumlu is suing Laporta over what he claims are unpaid commissions owed by Laporta’s law firm for a bit of business with Uzbek club Bunyodkor.

Laporta admitted in court that a deal brought in €10m “consultancy services” for his firm and €3m for Barcelona. However, he denied that any such agreement was ever made with Tutumlu.

"The invoices to Zeromax were for different services and consultancies over a period of three years," testified Laporta. "I have never done a deal with Tutumlu. I met with him on two occasions, out of politeness. I had already been warned that he was an opportunist who liked intrigue and it is exactly what he did.

“We did a very good deal for five years for two friendlies – the second never took place – and a stadium.” The 2008 deal between Bunyodkor and Barça prompted Leo Messi, Carles Puyol, Andrés Iniesta, Samuel Eto’o and Cesc Fabregas to hold some training sessions in Uzbekistan.

Bunyodkor is nominally owned by Miradil Djalalov, who is the head of Zeromax, the Swiss-based company with which Laporta’s law firm were doing business. Laporta insists that the business and football sides were quite separate.

Not believing this for a second is Mundo Deportivo's JM Artells, who writes that “the supposed utilisation of the presidency of Barça to gain personal profit is one of the suspicions that Laporta could not avoid.”

The other bit of fluff and stuff floating around the Catalan capital is the predictably smug reaction from the survey published in Monday’s AS, claiming that Barcelona were the most popular club in Spain among la Liga’s fans – results that would no doubt have been dismissed as a crazed Madrid media conspiracy had another certain team topped the chart.

LA LIGA LOCA, Mon 10 Oct: Poll reveals deep divide in la Liga loyalties

“Guardiola’s Barça is the team in fashion for their spectacular football and titles won. Mourinho’s Madrid has become an unpopular team booed in a lot of grounds,” smirked Josep Maria Casanovas. Mundo Deportivo joined in the taunting, with Miguel Rico writing that “Madrid, as rich as they may be, live from day to day squandering the fortune of their much cared-for image.”

What Madrid needed in response to the poll results that also made their club the most unpopular was a true champion, brave of heart and pure of soul. And they got just this in the form of the majestic Tomás Roncero, writing in AS that “there’s another poll that could not be done. The one in every house, every bar, every shop, every train station, every old people’s home and students’ resident.”

The results of that would show overwhelming support, says Roncero, who proclaims that this group “form a silent army that is waiting and will fill the streets when the tenth European Cup comes.”

Tomás Roncero, LLL salutes you.

Poll reveals deep divide in Spanish fans' loyalties

2011-10-10T13:51:00Z

The international break in Spain is normally dull at the best of times, but especially so this last week, what with Vicente Del Bosque’s men having qualified for Euro 2012 way back in 2007.

As a result, Friday’s match against the Czech Republic was a fairly muted affair, save for Spain giving their opponents a bit of a chance by starting with Fernando Torres up front in the 2-0 win.

Most papers in the country's two media black holes tend use this break in hostilities to remind their readers about how great their respective teams are (as if that were ever necessary) or completely make up transfer stories. But AS have gone and hoiked tradition through the window and done something genuinely interesting by publishing a poll of the most loved and hated teams in la Liga.

The poll, published in Monday’s edition, was performed by Ikerfel using 1,400 one-on-one interviews conducted at the 20 grounds of la Primera over September. And the results threw up results both surprising and predictable.

Barcelona are officially the most popular team in la Primera with 18% of votes compared to Real Madrid’s 17%. Pep’s Dream Boys also picked up most number of votes for everyone’s second-favourite team, with 21% compared to Real Madrid's 16%.

Overall, 44% of those questioned put Barcelona in their top three favourites, followed by Madrid with 37%. In the overall popularity stakes, Atlético Madrid, Athletic Bilbao, Betis and Valencia completed the top five.

But before the big two can get too proud of themselves [Too late – Ed.], both teams are also the most hated by other supporters. Real Madrid top that tree with 39% followed by Barcelona with 30% (51% had Real Madrid in the top three hated teams, Barcelona managed 40%). Next up are Sevilla – already the No.1 hate figure for Málaga and Betis fans, but increasingly widely unpopular – with 8% of fans disliking the cut of their jib.

The individual club-by-club breakdown of loves and hates betrays regional rivalries, historical oddities, the "my enemy’s enemy" idea and a number of cuddly non-threatening factors. Take Real Madrid, whose supporters’ other favourite teams are Getafe, Rayo and Espanyol.

The Barça fans obviously like a bit of Basque with Athletic Bilbao coming top of the second-favourite poll, followed by Atlético Madrid (see also Real Madrid / Espanyol) and then Real Sociedad tied with Valencia. The love is less mutual in one part of that east-coast city: Levante fans most dislike Barcelona while most liking Real Madrid.

One peculiar result sees Villarreal most hated by Mallorca fans, the whopping 79% result reflecting the constant Balearic whining about Villarreal ‘stealing’ the club’s Europa League place last season when UEFA excluded Mallorca for going into administration. Villarreal, on the other hand, have a strong dislike for Real Madrid followed by Valencia and Barcelona.

Getafe don't like Racing at all, due to the Cantabrians being a bit moany about them ever since a 2008 Copa Del Rey incident when Getafe scored with a Racing player on the ground.

The results reflect the bipolar nature of la Liga in cold, hard statistics. Whilst the other 18 teams have their fans and feuds – even Granada ended up in some supporters’ top three disliked clubs – there is more or less a 50-50 split between those who either hate or love Spain’s big two. And that’s something that probably isn’t going to change any time soon.

Mourinho feels full force of Spanish FA, as Ronaldo wows with spectacular ceremony

2011-10-07T10:44:00Z

Moral outrage, rare but admirable sarcasm and a spot of burying heads in the sand. These have been the main reactions in the Spanish press to the brutal sanctions handed out by a doddering old codger to José Mourinho and Tito Vilanova as a result of ‘Finger-gate’ - the moment the Madrid manager jabbed his digit into the eye of the Barcelona assistant during the second leg of the Spanish Super Cup final nearly two months ago.

The sole judge on the Spanish FA’s Competition Committee, the 85-year-old Alfredo Flórez, cogitated for 49 days before handing out a two match suspension to Mourinho and a one game ban for Vilanova. To make sure both parties really felt the hard sting of his dark glove of justice across their botties, it was decided that these bans would only apply to Spanish Super Cup games. Both parties were also hit with €600 fines, with Madrid and Barcelona as institutions also suffering penalties of €180 and €90 respectively.

“The non-existence of the injury and lack of conclusive proof of the desire to wound on the part of Señor Mourinho,” was the official reason why something more severe was not the response to an incident that even hoodie-hugging Guardian readers would admit should result in a public flogging for the perpetrator (or perpetrators depending on if you believe Florentino’s defence of extreme provocation from the Barça bench).

Not surprisingly, the Catalan press got rather uppity about the verdict, with the front cover of Sport branding the punishment as “a disgrace” - a condemnation shared by Mundo Deportivo. Writing inside the former, Lluís Mascaró apparently agrees with the Spanish FA’s draconian measures and that “Tito Vilanova has been justly punished with a one match suspension for having placed his eye onto Mou’s finger.” “A just punishment that serves as an example,” sarks Mascaró.

Jose didn't appreciate Flórez's eye-for-an-eye punishment...

Santi Nolla, writing in Mundo Deportivo, wafts a finger - the very thing that got Mourinho into trouble in the first place - in Florentino Pérez’s powerful direction and claims that “Flórez is the only judge but he didn’t take the decision alone. He was pressured. No doubt.”

Even AS suggest that the fairly non-existent punishment handed down for a very existent crime whiffs a bit. “A political penalty” notes Thursday’s headline. “Justice wasn’t done, politics was,” writes Alfredo Relaño, the paper’s editor.

Marca have generally ignored the affair and have gone into journalistic la-la land during the international break. Wednesday’s edition boats of José Mourinho’s “football lessons at half-time” - those present at the recent Racing and Levante c*ck-ups may raise an eyebrow - with the paper quoting one source in the dressing room claiming he felt Mourinho could see the future.

A day later Marca once again poured over the pre-match rituals of the squad, and stunned its readership with revelations regarding music being played on the team coach, some players going onto the pitch before the warm-up and others choosing not to. The showpiece moment that really greased Marca’s goolies was Cristiano Ronaldo jumping very high into the air when running onto the pitch. “The most spectacular ceremony” sighs the love-struck paper, before accusing Sami Khedira, Xabi Alonso and Raúl Albíol of being “strange” for having no superstitions or rituals at all.

Meanwhile, Hugo Sánchez has continued his eternal campaign to become Real Madrid manager one day with a fine spot of butt-crawling by praising Florentino’s appointment of The Special One. “Madrid need a coach like Mourinho to get back the values they had been losing,” purred the wannabe Bernabeu boss.

If Sánchez really does want to take over at Real Madrid, he may want to consider a more direct approach to get Florentino Pérez’s attention. Like poking the club president in the eye perhaps. After all, it’s now become perfectly acceptable behaviour in la Liga.

Catalan press pour scorn on Madridista conspiracy talk, as Jose wins pointless prize

2011-10-04T11:03:00Z

“It’s a scandal!” screamed headline on the front cover of Tuesday’s Mundo Deportivo, alongside a picture of a grinning Leo Messi sitting on his backside.

“What’s a scandal?” thought La Liga Loca, trying to put itself into the heads of the MD journalists - not a fantastic place to be, even for a few seconds.

After shivering uncontrollably in a corner for ten minutes after the experience, the blog gave up and looked inside the paper to see what was cooking MD’s chicken just two days into the traditional whack-job fest in the Spanish media calendar - the international break.

The paper has been returning to the scene of what they see as a crime committed against the Catalan collective against Sporting - a ‘scandalous’ penalty that apparently should have been awarded to Leo Messi. MD has used this refereeing failure to throw the ‘Villarato’ accusation back into the howling faces of the Madridista press.

For those lucky enough not to know, the ‘Villarato’ is the rather tiresome theory cooked up by AS that the Spanish FA president, Angel María Villar, has been working behind the scenes both in Spain and with UEFA to make sure Pep’s Dream Boys come out on top at every opportunity.

To counter this theory - one which a large chunk of the Madrid fanbase actually believe - the paper notes that since Florentino Pérez came to power two years ago, Madrid have been awarded 23 penalties to Barça’s paltry eight.

MD's J.M. Artells, writing in Tuesday's edition, fumes that Mourinho - of course - is behind the current anti-Barça nature of the league’s referees. “It seems very clear Mourinho with his noisy manner is winning the media battle over referees.

“The Portuguese still has his punishment outstanding for the finger poke at Tito Vilanova,” continued Artells.

Over in Capital City, Marca have used the pause in domestic football hostilities to celebrate their annual awards based on last season’s performances - prizes which used to be mostly handed to Raúl before the forward fell out of favour with Florentino Pérez and was shunted on to Schalke.

In an epic 27-page feature, Marca details how Cristiano Ronaldo won the top scorer award and Alvaro Negredo picked up the best Spanish striker prize. The Barça pair of Víctor Valdés and Leo Messi won the trinkets for best keeper and player respectively.

No arguments there from LLL. But what was slightly eye-opening - no Tito Vilanova pun intended - was that José Mourinho managed to win the best Primera manager title thanks to a superior Marca-awarded points total over the season, despite Pep Guardiola’s landing the double for his team. And winning the Primera itself.

“He won everyone over with his charisma” gasped the paper on the Madrid manager who was “elegantly dressed,” for the affair.

“I’m surprised I won,” said Mourinho, who was not alone in this, “as every time I look at the paper on Monday I see that I only get one point.”

How apt. An apparently near pointless Mourinho winning an extremely pointless prize...

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça move to top of table as Spain loses sleep

2011-10-03T13:59:00Z

Good Day

Barcelona
A hands-up confession from La Liga Loca to kick things off. For the first half of the Barcelona game on Sunday, the blog was trying to get home from the Vicente Calderón at the same time as 55,000 supporters who had the same idea. Though they were going to their own homes, obviously.
For the second half the blog was trying to rid itself of the memory of much of Atlético Madrid’s goalless draw against Sevilla. But from what LLL can now recall, Barcelona piddled around a bit, Sporting were plucky and that was about it. However, it was more than enough on the night with Pep’s Dream Boys bumping Betis off the top of the table with a 1-0 win.

Levante
A victory over Betis - the side’s fourth in a row - to move into second place had even José Mourinho claiming them to be the story of the weekend. Levante may have a back five with a combined age older than the universe itself, and scored just eight goals, but the team have the best defensive record conceding just three and, alongside Barcelona and Sevilla, are the only team in la Primera to remain unbeaten.

Gonzalo Higuaín
LLL must confess to being a huge Pipita fan due to his hard work, talent, sunny demeanor and that the happy fact that the striker really isn’t liked that much by either Florentino Pérez or Marca due to the forward being a Ramón Calderón signing who has managed to survive previous culls. So it was a good night for both the blog and the Argentinean with Higuaín scoring a hat-trick in what was a very comfortable 4-0 victory over Espanyol for Real Madrid.

Málaga
There must have been some fist-shaking and foul-mouthed foaming in the Manuel Pellegrini-hating Marca offices on Saturday night, with Málaga just a couple of minutes away from losing 2-1 at home to Getafe before managing to snatch a late victory.
It was Enzo Maresca who popped up with a scrambled effort to peg Getafe back to 2-2. That strike was followed by a fantastic bicycle-kick from Julio ‘the Beast’ Baptista - not an inconsiderable feat from the forward who looks like he has been putting the ‘e’, ‘a’ and ‘t’ into his moniker of late. The 3-2 victory made Málaga the temporary league leaders on Saturday night before being usurped by the mighty Levante.

Ruud van Nistelrooy
A header from two yards out - under some pressure from a jostling defender, it must be said - gives the Dutchman his first league goal for Málaga after six starts.

Pedro León
The midfielder’s Getafe side may have been late losers to Getafe in the end but a wonderful 30 yard left-footed whack from Pedro León gave the former Real Madrid man his first goal in la Liga since the 8th May 2010.

Sergio Canales
The three points from their 1-0 win over Granada were ones Valencia manager Unai Emery claimed with some relief would be rather important at the end of the season, as his Mestalla men were a little flat on Saturday, especially in front of goal. The one star performer was another former Real Madrid man - like Pedro León - in the shape of Sergio Canales, who drilled in a left-footed strike from the edge of the box after three minutes to give Valencia the victory.

Sevilla
Marcelino’s sneaky old things have now gone unbeaten in their six league outings this season and haven’t conceded a goal in four games - quite an achievement considering the flaky Martín Cáceres is in the heart of the defence. The goalless draw against Atlético was dreadful in the first half, with a bag of niggly fouls and players throwing themselves about with great enthusiasm.
The match improved marginally in the second and it was only due to the work of Thibaud Courtois and Javi Varas in the two goals that the game remained goalless after great saves from Manu del Moral and Falcao respectively.

Raul García
The on-loan Atlético Madrid midfielder is the new Walter Pandiani - but without the snarling lunacy - for Osasuna with two headers from two corners in a 2-2 draw with Mallorca who picked up two iffy penalties for their strikes. García has now scored three goals in the past two games for Osasuna, which is quite bizarre considering it’s two more than the Rojiblanco man managed in his past two extremely uninspiring seasons at the Vicente Calderón.

Iñigo Martínez
The weekend saw a David Beckham-esque strike from the Real Sociedad central defender, who belted in a stormer of a shot from a couple of feet inside his own half. A massive 53 metres from the opposition goal, in fact. “The best goal in the history of Anoeta. A perfect strike,” tweeted a watching Xabi Alonso.

Mallorca
Although the club are without a manager following Michael Laudrup’s departure, a point at Osasuna moves the Balearic club into the top ten.

Racing Santander, Rayo Vallecano
Two sides who really couldn’t afford to lose on Saturday made sure that they didn’t after pinging out a 1-1 draw in El Sardinero.

Roberto
The Zaragoza keeper has arguably been the best in la Primera at the start of the season. Roberto had to be on top form again to keep out a Villarreal side who were probing away in the second half. Zaragoza may have conceded 13 goals, but it would have been an awful lot more had Roberto not been between the sticks.

Fernando Llorente
A much better vibe in the previously down-in-the-dumps Athletic camp after Thursday’s Europa League win against PSG and now a 2-1 victory against la Real Sociedad in a hot, sticky Basque derby at midday on Sunday. The local rivalry certainly seemed to inspire the visitors into showing flashes of their ‘Jokin’ Caparrós form under the manager, Marcelo Biesla. That was certainly the case with Fernando Llorente, the scorer of Athletic’s two goals - a player whose relief at leading his team to their first league win of the season was evident as he lay on the grass waving his fists in the air in glee at the final whistle.

Bad Day

Betis
Back-to-back defeats to Getafe and now Levante have taken the wind out of the sails of the good ship Betis. Manager Pepe Mel though has put everything into perspective a little by reminding everyone that “the team have got 12 points from six games. I’d take that for the next ones and the next ones.”

Villarreal
Roberto or no Roberto, Villarreal really should be polishing off sides like Zaragoza in El Madrigal. “Other sides are scoring against us too easily and this makes things difficult,” admitted Juan Carlos Garrido. “Rivals are causing a lot of damage with very little and this has to change.”

Radamel Falcao
The 5-0 thrashing by Barcelona seems to have knocked the stuffing out of the Atlético striker, who began his spell at the Vicente Calderón in some style. The Columbian forward is now without a goal in three matches in la Liga and Europe.

Granada
A lack of firepower up front - and getting the ball to what striking talent they do have in their ranks - is costing Granada badly. A third 1-0 defeat - this time to Villarreal - shows that the defence is fairly tight. It’s the two goals scored from six games that are the problem.

Getafe
A positive result against Betis blown completely on Saturday after Getafe conceded two goals late on to lose all three points in Málaga. “The dressing room is really down, but we’ve got to pick ourselves up,” admitted Getafe boss, Luis García.

Medhi Lacen
The Getafe midfielder managed to get himself sent off for arguing with the referee despite the man-in-the-middle allowing a handball goal by his teammate Miku to stand. The grumpy Getafe goat then booted the ball into a pitch-side official before flouncing off down the tunnel.

A good night’s sleep
Matches finishing on Sunday at nearly midnight. Enough is enough.

La Preview: Mallorca give Laudrup the elbow as Betis look to extend stay at the top

2011-09-30T07:30:00Z

Saturday

Osasuna (12th) v Mallorca (11th) - 18.00 (local time)
Probably the least surprising managerial change of the season saw Michael Laudrup agreeing terms to leave Mallorca earlier in the week. Supporters of the now ex-boss say he was never backed in the transfer market by club VP and majority shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, and missed out on a forward due to administrative blunder - an error the Dane was fairly critical of to make choppy waters between the pair even...er...choppier.
Laudrup’s enemies in the Balearic battle-ground will declare good riddance to the Dane pointing to a terrible second half to last season that almost ended in relegation for Mallorca, as well as the unimpressive also-rans Laudrup opted to bring in over the summer when actually allowed to sign players.
The inevitable happened on Tuesday when the manager’s assistant, Erik Larsen, left the club having called Serra Ferrer “a bad person”.
“I’ll buy a dinner for anyone who can find something good to say about him.” The unsurprisingly immediate departure of the number two in light of these comments was followed by the number one with Laudrup making it quite clear who was to blame. “Four years ago, when the current maximum shareholder of Mallorca was coach of Betis he said ‘Betis will be what Lopera wants it to be’. That applies here now. Mallorca will be what Serra Ferrer wants it to be.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (14th) v Zaragoza (15th) - 18.00
Spain’s horrendously high unemployment rate was reduced by one this week, when kindly Zaragoza gave a hard-working fella a job. The former Deportivo defensive midfielder Antonio Tomás has been picked up by Zaragoza and given a squad number, with the player claiming at Thursday’s unveiling that he is “tactical, calm, hard work and will bring effort and passion.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (18th) v Rayo Vallecano (13th) - 18.00
While the Rayo ground staff are working away to improve the state of Rayo Vallecano’s bobbly pitch - a surface manager José Sandoval has claimed is going to cost his team points this season - the stadium itself has gone through a metamorphosis.
Rayo’s home still only has three sides and has folk living inside of it, the name has been changed in a supporters’ vote from the previous title of the ‘Teresa Rivero’ stadium - named after the wife of the head of the Ruiz-Mateos clan, the former owners who are currently going through a few legal issues over corruption. Again.
But once the club can afford some paint or some big sticky letters, Rayo’s ground will officially be called from this day forth the ‘Estadio de Vallecas’.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Valencia (7th) v Granada (17th) - 20.00
In what seems to be one of those stick-the-finger-in-the-air-and-guess studies - a process that’s always been most popular in Spanish football finance - the Granada Chamber of Commerce has had a stab at estimating the income brought in to the city thanks to the local football club’s promotion to la Primera.
That magic figure is thought to be a handy €7 million a year to the city’s fine restaurants, hotels and bars and €28 million overall. No pressure from the locals for another campaign of top flight football, then...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (6th) v Getafe (16th) - 22.00
Despite bringing in a bunch of new names causing a heck of a change to Málaga’s starting line-up, one position that hasn’t seen movement is that of Willy Caballero in goal. And that’s not likely to change in the immediate future as the Argentine keeper who turned 30 on Wednesday has let in just two goals - the best record in la Primera. “If goals aren’t conceded then it’s the work of the whole team,” said a generous Willy.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Real Sociedad (9th) v Athletic Bilbao (19th) - 12.00
A midday kick-off on Sunday may have taken a little of the drunken fun out of the Basque derby for the fans in the stands but la Real’s Antoine Griezmann has done his bit in trying to set a fire under the tie, nonetheless.
The French winger has quite a lot of hard, brown-nosing work to do try and get back in the good books with the San Sebastian faithful after attempting but failing to get a move to Atlético Madrid over the summer. So it’s no wonder that the cocky young tyke is predicting a 3-0 for la Real and “three goals for me.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Betis (1st) v Levante (3rd) - 16.00
To show exactly how odd it feels to have Betis at the top of la Liga after five games, LLL’s eyes instinctively moved to the bottom of the table to find the league position of the club before it remembered with a sudden rush where the Seville side sat in la Primera. And that’s quite comfortably above everyone else despite a 1-0 defeat to Getafe on Monday night.
Betis coach, Pepe Mel - a cross between Peter Griffin from Family Guy and Rafa Benítez - reckons first place is where is team is going to remain for the trip to the Santiago Bernabeu in a fortnight’s time. “We’re going to go there as leaders. We have enough to win our next game although it’s against a good team.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Sevilla (4th) - 18.00
There’s a hint of a Spanish international flavour about Sevilla’s forward line these days, with Jesús Navas, Alvaro Negredo and Diego Perotti all starring for Marcelino’s men. Yes, technically, Perotti is Argentinean born and bred, but that hasn’t stopped Vicente Del Bosque dreaming, claim AS.
The paper reports the Spain manager is so impressed with the Sevilla player that he has called for a thorough probing into whether Perotti could be called up to la Furia Roja. Although Perotti has played in two friendlies for Argentina, he has yet to be called up for an official game. What’s more, the wide man became a Spanish citizen in January in what Del Bosque sees as a very promising move.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sporting (20th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
Somewhere out in the wider world there’s a super-computer working out Leo Messi’s various goal tallies and assists per game, week, month and season. It whirred into life on Saturday and Wednesday when little Leo put three past a hopeless Atlético Madrid and then two more past a really hopeless BATE Borisov, with the little fella looking rather apologetic about the whole business.
Messi’s five strikes helped make him Barcelona's joint-second top goalscorer of all time, with the Argentinean equalling Ladislao Kubala's 194 strikes on Wednesday evening. The forward still has a solid four months of work to do before notching the 42 additional goals it will take to surpass the record total of Barça goals set by César, though. Bottom-of-the-table Sporting should help out on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (10th) v Real Madrid (5th) - 22.00
It’s been ‘have a pop at Real Madrid week’ over the past few days for some of the club’s ghosts of the past. The most ghoulish of those was ex-president, Ramón Calderón, who appeared in the Catalan media - always something that will win him fans in Madrid - saying; “I think the club has an owner called Jorge Mendes, the agent of six or seven players at Madrid. At the moment, Florentino is a puppet, it’s incredible.”
One of the former president’s managers, Bernd Schuster, also made the news by commenting on matters concerning Mordor’s favourite team. “Giving the side time is ridiculous. It’s a team that’s been together for a year,” opined the unsympathetic German. “The team is as it is with its highs and lows. I’m interested to know if they are capable of improving in the big games in the Champions League and against Barcelona.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Kaká resurrected as Mata returns to Mestalla as ‘the enemy’

2011-09-28T09:10:00Z

In a way, the Madrid press are like ratings-hungry soap opera writers. They love nothing more than killing off footballers 'for good', only to then bring them back to life in an improbable fashion.

The latest player to make a miraculous return is Kaká, who like team-mate Karim Benzema before him has been buried, dug up, prodded with sticks and declared to be “alive!” Dr. Frankenstein-style after an impressive showing and a goal in Tuesday’s 3-0 Champions League win over Ajax.

“Kaká at last!” screams the front cover of AS, with Tomás Roncero declaring that “Kaká is back again.” Even the paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño, muses over “one step more in his rehabilitation and his credibility.”

La Liga Loca tends to assess the victory that gives Madrid six points from six in the same manner as Marca, who fuss about the side’s “three blows to the jaw.” The first 20 minutes saw Ajax looking very comfortable indeed with their fancy, Dutch, passing football ways.

But then a wonderful sweeping move put Real Madrid into a 1-0 lead, and helped kill off the opposition threat. It was the kind of goal Ajax manager, Frank de Boer, had feared before the match, but as the Amsterdam club’s Icelandic striker Kolbeinn Sigthorsson told LLL, there wasn’t too much that could be done about it.

“They are so quick and can play one touch across the whole pitch. We had to take care when we had corners but they showed they have quality and are really good on the counter. We’re disappointed they scored almost three goals on the counter-attack, it’s something we really wanted to stop before the match.”

AS also warn that Real Madrid fans should not get too excited with the pleasing end-to-end stylings of the team as deployed against the very offensive-minded Rayo and Ajax, as “they will have rivals again that close up like Racing and Levante and it will not be so easy.”

Villarreal had another tough night with a second defeat in their Champions League group. The 2-0 loss to Napoli in Italy saw some rather slack defending to allow Marek Hamsik to take the lead after 15 minutes. But that was nothing compared to the very, very, very slack defending and rampantly generous donating of the ball to Napoli that resulted in a penalty to the Italians, duly converted by Edinson Cavani.

“It was two presents, two accidents that made the game,” complained Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido.

Pep’s Dream Boys are in the workers paradise of Belarus to face BATE, but the dominant theme of the pre-match build-up is not how Barcelona are going to get round the tractor that will probably be parked in front of their goal, but more rumblings over Guardiola’s public support of former club president, Joan Laporta.

“I’m aware, I’m 40 and left home at 13,” was the reminder from Guardiola to both his mother asking as to the cleanliness of his underpants and the Spanish press pack on the repercussions of his comments. “I know what I said and what could happen," he added.

“I’m a friend of both...I think Laporta and Rosell are two sides of the same coin,” explained the Barça coach, denying that a damaging rift had been opened between his current and former bosses.

While Barcelona’s trip to the former Eastern Bloc is somewhat of a curiosity, the really tasty action on Wednesday is to be found in Mestalla, where Juan Mata will return with spanking new club, Chelsea. However there will be no warm hand on the forward’s entrance, at least according to Valencia manager Unai Emery. “Any player dressed in blue is our enemy,” growled the Los Che coach.

The other notable duel on the Spanish east coast is that pitting Fernando Torres against Roberto Soldado to see which striker can miss the most sitters and do the most to make it a good night for Alvaro Negredo in the battle to be David Villa’s number two for la Furia Roja.

Bernabeu set for a face-lift as Barça move one step closer to a 'hidden war'

2011-09-27T10:17:00Z

Both Barcelona and Real Madrid can claim to have been more than entertaining in their respective weekend victories. The first 15 seconds at the Santiago Bernabeu, for example, were particularly compelling.

And both clubs also delivered in their own special ways on the traditionally fusty, dusty institutional level. Normally a day spent watching pompous, boastful men in their 50s, jangling their jowls whilst talking endlessly about finances and waving voting cards is as skull-dentingly tortuous as a 2010/11 Deportivo season highlights DVD. But with Barça and Real Madrid involved, one never quite knows what’s going to happen when the club’s big bosses get down and dirty in their annual assemblies with their members.

Perhaps less so at Real Madrid since the departure of Ramón Calderón, whose alleged vote-rigging (strongly denied by the former president) during the club’s 2008 General Assembly eventually forced his resignation.

In a carefully controlled event on Sunday, Florentino Pérez proposed a number of measures to the club’s ‘compromisarios’ - those given the power to approve accounts and what-not - and saw them all passed with flying colours. What’s more, the Madrid president lumped all of his chips on José Mourinho, heaping praise on the pokey Portuguese despite also declaring with some gusto that “the values of Real Madrid are clean play, effort, sacrifice, respect and the fight against injustice.”

“There’s no doubt that Madrid is with Mourinho, and so is the president, the directors, the Assembly and the socio,” wrote AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, whose paper trumpeted a 42 second ovation given by the those present to the maverick Madrid manager.

Roberto Gómez - who has always been a Capello/Calderón kind of guy - provided what was a rare slice of criticism in the Madrid press, with the observation that the speech “did not explain the exorbitant ticket prices, the season ticket rises, Mourinho’s constant criticisms of referees and committees.”

The speech did however suggest Florentino shares his manager’s suspicions that UEFA were out to do everything in their power to ensure Barcelona won the 2011 Champions League. “If we didn’t win it last season it wasn’t because of us, we did everything to win it,” maintained the club president.

The big bit of business pushed through was the approval of the proposed €200 million remodeling of the outside of the Santiago Bernabeu, which admittedly does look like it needs a lick of paint. By 2014 the Madrid stadium looks set to be a shining, neon beacon of white light against the bleak darkness of Mordor.

Barcelona had their own assembly on Saturday, and the big concern for club president Sandro Rosell was whether or not the €165 million deal with the Qatar Foundation would be approved by club members. After a heavy newspaper campaign backing the ‘yes’ vote and dire warnings from Rosell of the consequences of saying ‘no’, the partnership was approved by a comfortable margin. The assembly also voted to impose a ban on smoking in the Camp Nou and the establishment of a sort of singing corner in the stadium - which can only give LLL even more ammunition in the seasons to come.

The biggest controversy from Saturday’s event related to last year’s assembly, when the motion was carried to pursue Joan Laporta and his board for the alleged losses of the club in the last financial year of €79.6 million. Those legal proceedings are ongoing with those accused of economic mismanagement on the brink of having assets frozen - accusations all denied.

This forced Pep Guardiola to speak out in support of his former president and colleagues who took a huge gamble in giving the former player the role as manager. “They are suffering and they don’t deserve to,” said the Barça boss after the Atlético victory. I hope this can end well. They did very well. My esteem for them is infinite and I feel sad.”

While the Madrid press have leapt on the the rift and tried to widen it with pneumatic tools, even a Barcelona media torn between the current regime and the huge man love for Pep Guardiola are sensing danger. “A Barça manager should not take part in topics already approved by the members,” warned Santi Nolla in Mundo Deportivo, a paper that reports Guardiola had dinner with Laporta and Johan Cruyff last Thursday.

“The club has already suffered too many years of intrigues between ‘Nuñistas’ and ‘Cruyffistas’, now we could have an hidden war of ‘Rosellistas’ and ‘Laportistas’” lamented Josep María Casanovas in Sport.

The official response from Toni Freixa, the Barça board’s spokesman, to Guardiola’s comments was that it was too late to drop the case against Laporta, arguing that “we can’t take it back now as the members ratified it.” Freixa also soothed that “we understand his words to be a personal opinion on a personal relationship that he has.”

For the next couple of days at least, attentions return to the football field and Real Madrid’s Champions League clash with Ajax at the Bernabeu on Tuesday and Barcelona’s trip to the fun capital of Europe, Belarus, to face BATE Borisov a day later. But with Joan Laporta promising to speak out later in the week, it’s crossed fingers from the blog that there are more scandalous tit bits to come in Catalan capital.

Good Day, Bad Day: Marvellous Messi and Champions League-chasing Levante

2011-09-26T13:30:00Z

Good Day

Leo Messi
An un-flippin’-believable performance from the scruffy-haired Argentine genius, who has now scored 12 goals with nine assists in all competitions this season.
La Liga Loca was catching the game in a very partisan bar outside the Santiago Bernabeu straight after Madrid’s 6-2 over Rayo, and the response from the locals to Messi’s hat-trick was a mixture of admiration, disbelief and complete annoyance. Probably similar to Atlético’s back four in the Camp Nou who were largely powerless to stop Messi’s mayhem.
Atlético Madrid were given one proper chance in the game - a strike against the bar from Tiago after four minutes - and that was it. When Barça are in the mood there really is no stopping them. “They’re from another planet,” gasped Atlético Madrid keeper, Thibaut Courtois, in wise agreement.

Levante
LLL thought it would be tough for anyone at Levante to beat Luis García’s achievements last season. While the current Getafe manager’s impressive boast was keeping Levante in la Primera, replacement Juan Ignacio Martínez is top-trumping García by apparently gunning for the Champions League places, with wins over Real Madrid, Rayo and now Espanyol leaving Levante in third.
“We have to think that we are a quarter of the way to staying up with five games gone with 11 points but not about the Champions League,” said the kill-joy Levante manager after the game.

Sevilla
Sevilla have been particularly sneaky at the start of this season. The side haven’t really played especially well in any of their five games in la Liga - indeed, they have only scored six goals, but remain unbeaten and in fourth. This achievement was especially praiseworthy in Saturday’s 1-0 victory over Valencia as at one point it was the nine men of Sevilla against the eleven of their visitors.

Real Madrid
Both Madrid papers were happy to claim Madrid had “left the tunnel” as Marca put it, but LLL is far from convinced. The 6-2 win over Rayo Vallecano was perhaps the least convincing 6-2 win there has ever been. Rayo’s early opener after 15 seconds was produced by a lovely assist from Lassana Diarra, while the second came from a set-piece. And did José Mourinho not like that. “It’s the most basic thing in football and it gave them hope,” complained the Madrid manager.
The one positive from the performance perhaps was the fantastic speed of the counterattacks for Madrid that will catch most teams out, never mind an overly-committed Rayo. But even Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t seem to be too excited about his hat-trick, the Portuguese’s tenth in la Liga.

Michael Laudrup
Mallorca doesn’t seem like being the most wonderful of working environments for Michael Laudrup, so perhaps his team’s 2-1 win over Real Sociedad on Sunday was a bad result in the long run for a manager who has fallen out big time with Vice President and main shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer. “It’s tough asking for calm here,” noted Laudrup, “this victory won’t change anything.”

Michu
Rayo's big man up front scored a brace and was typical of the kind of gutsy attacking display promised by Rayo manager José Sandoval before the 6-2 defeat. Another player to impress in the Santiago Bernabeu was 19-year-old Guinean winger, Lass Bangoura, a footballer that Madrid are reportedly interested in signing.

Roberto
Although Zaragoza were by no means bombarded by Málaga in Sunday’s late kick-off, a couple of key saves by the keeper against a yet-to-score Ruud van Nistelrooy and Seba Fernández gave the home side a point in a goalless draw.

Granada
A second goal for Granada and another point in a 1-1 draw with Osasuna to keep the newcomers out of the relegation zone.

Sporting
The home clash against a goal-shy Racing was a whopper of a chance for Sporting to pick up their first points of the season. In the plural. Instead it was just the one in a goalless draw with Sporting managing just two goals this season. “It’s a negative dynamic that we have to try and break and when we do it everything will be different,” promised Manuel Preciado.

Bad Day

Víctor Valdés
LLL is probably quite alone in thinking this, but the blog really doesn’t like goalkeepers excessively celebrating their own’s team’s goals, largely because they had nothing to do with them. The Barça goalie is particularly guilty of the blog’s picky crime with his endless fist pumping and roaring to greet every one of Barcelona’s goals. Rant over.

Emir Spahic
What an enormous big girl’s blouse of a sneaky so-and-so. Ariz Aduriz put his boot on top of the Sevilla’s defender’s - it wasn’t a stamp or any kind of funny business like that - and the Croatian stopper went down clutching his shin to get the Valencia forward sent off.

Ever Banega
A missed penalty from the Argentinean midfielder cost the Mestalla men at least a point in Seville.

Falcao
The big lady-haired loser in the battle between ‘the flea and the tiger’. Not really the Colombian’s fault as the Atlético Madrid striker barely had the ball.

Walter Pandiani
The Rifle appeared to head butt the back of Levante defender Nano - a member of a team who do tend to go down rather easily - to get himself a pleasingly pointless red card.

Racing Santander
LLL can’t decide whether it is a help or hindrance for Racing to have the colour of their away kit the exact same shade as grass. On a bad TV it would look like Sporting were playing with themselves on Sunday, as it were. If Racing ever signed Kermit, he would be invisible. And probably be better up front, too.

Athletic Bilbao
“The game created optimism” claimed Athletic manager, Marcelo Biesla, after the 1-1 draw against Villarreal but the Basque side still only have two points from 15 to leave them in the bottom two instead of the two six where they should be. “This is getting worrying,” fretted Marca’s match report. The Argentinean coach really needs to get six from six from his team in the upcoming local matches against Real Sociedad and Osasuna to avoid a quick kick in the knackers and the sack.

La Preview: Betis apologise for being leaders as Atletico forget Aguero

2011-09-23T10:24:00Z

Saturday

Sevilla (5th) v Valencia (2nd) - 18.00 (local time)
Having been ditched by most of the clubs that were supposedly supporting his campaign against financial inequality in la Liga, Sevilla president José María del Nido has since had to put up with the supposedly infallible Real Madrid and Barcelona dropping points willy nilly in recent weeks.
The Sevilla head honcho was probed on this development by a journalist who asked whether Del Nido still felt la Liga was made up of two big clubs, 17 also rans and Sporting. “I ask you to put that question to me in May,” said the Andalusian big cheese knowingly.
Del Nido also confirmed happily that he was “tremendously satisfied” with Marcelino the manager whose Sevilla side are unbeaten with eight points from 12. “We haven’t played the best football in every match but we’ve had good moments at Villarreal, against Málaga and in Pamplona and what we have to do is look for stability so that these good moments last for 90 minutes instead of 15.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Athletic Bilbao (18th) v Villarreal (13th) - 18.00
Wednesday’s defeat at Málaga makes this Athletic’s worse start to a la Liga season in 32 years. Not exactly a good way for Marcelo Biesla and his fancy passing ways to introduce himself to suspicious Basque supporters.
Athletic have just the single point and are jammed into the relegation zone when a repeat of a top six performance was expected from the team. Still, it could have been worse claimed the Argentinean boss after his team’s Málaga loss when putting it into context with the previous trouser-pulling, bottom-exposing defeat by Betis. “We got back our feeling after that game. Security and organisation. We were able to attack too. Now we’ve got to put the two things together.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (7th) v Rayo Vallecano (11th) - 20.00
The hills are alive with the sound of Primera pundits in Spain sifting through tea leaves - not that this would be a particularly noisy activity - trying to find reasons for Florentino Pérez’s decision to go down to the dressing rooms to speak to the players and manager after Madrid’s goalless draw with Racing.
One opinion-sharer on radio station Cadena Ser scoffed that it was the kind of nonsense that “a small club” gets up to whilst the editor of AS opined that the gesture from the Madrid president was “significant”. “The super manager needs support,” wrote Alfredo Relaño on Thursday. An alternative theory was that the Madrid main man had gone into the bowels of el Sardinero to warn the players that Mourinho wouldn’t be going anywhere no matter what happens this season - as some are rumoured to be hoping for this eventuality - and it was time they realised this.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (4th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) - 22.00
It’s very much a case of ‘Kun who?’ around the Vicente Calderón these days, with supporters struggling to recall the departed striker - and not just because of the vast amounts of booze and naughty ciggies consumed before, during and after each Atlético Madrid game.
Falcao is very much the man of the moment in the Rojiblanco ranks, and with good reason after the Colombian forward scored against Celtic in the Europa League, bagged three against Racing last weekend and nabbed a couple more on Wednesday in the 4-0 win against Sporting. Indeed, it could have been even better for Falcao, with the striker having a penalty turned down and a perfectly good goal disallowed too.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Mallorca (15th) v Real Sociedad (9th) - 12.00
It’s make or break time for Michael Laudrup apparently. Tuesday’s defeat to Villarreal sees the Great Dane’s grip on power weakening with the board wavering on whether to stick with Laudrup or move onto fresh managerial meat. That wavering could well turn into square-jawed certainty if Mallorca fail to beat visiting Real Sociedad at high noon.
“There’s no other solution that winning on Sunday,” admitted Laudrup after the Villarreal defeat, the side’s third in a row, with the Mallorca boss saying that being fired was “a part of football.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (6th) v Espanyol (10th) - 16.00
There’s no doubt at all who la Liga’s team and player of the week has been. It’s Levante and their cuddly captain Sergio Ballesteros after two victories for the club and a goal for the defender in Wednesday’s 2-1 win against Rayo Vallecano in the Spanish capital.
But despite the side’s Champions League-chasing form Levante coach Juan Ignacio Martínez was all with the sensible after Wednesday’s victory. “We are in la Primera but we have to keep our feet on the ground, because there’s a long way to go, and we are taking it one game at a time,” poo-pooed the manager of the moment.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (16th) v Osasuna (12th) - 18.00
Little by little, Granada are getting used to the heady way of life in la Primera - well, the Andalusian side haven’t lost all four games anyway - just three of them. The problem is scoring goals with Granada managing just one, the winning effort from Ikechukwu Uche against Villarreal.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sporting (20th) v Racing (17th) - 20.00
LLL is desperately hoping for a win for Sporting on Sunday as the longer that Manuel Preciado is at the club the more time he can come out with comments like the one on Thursday after the Atlético Madrid defeat, the fourth from four this season - “I consider myself the person most responsible for this sh*t that we have seen.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (14th) v Málaga (3rd) - 22.00
There were some signs of life from Zaragoza in the 4-3 defeat to Betis on Thursday. Javier Aguirre’s men were 4-1 down at one point before Juan Carlos dragged the team back into contention. “The least you can ask is for the team to give everything on the pitch and that’s what they did,” said the Zaragoza manager approvingly.
LLL Prediction - Away

Monday

Getafe (19th) v Betis (1st) - 21.00
Getafe on a Monday night in a game being broadcast on TV. You won’t only be able to hear the sound of pins being dropped in the Coliseum but the deafening rustle of them being removed from their velvet lined boxes. Not even the visit of the league leaders (on Friday morning anyway) will drag people out despite Betis being a thrilling sight to behold these days, especially after a 4-3 win over Zaragoza that put the side at the top of the table for the first time since 7 October 2001.
“It seems like we have to apologise for being leaders,” joked Betis manager, Pepe Mel.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Midweek charity from 'Big Two' breathes life into la Liga

2011-09-22T09:36:00Z

La Liga Loca has a feeling in its special place that something fishy is going on. Very fishy. Just when there was a clamour in Spain for Barcelona and Real Madrid to open the vault to their Manhattan-sized safes and hand out some cash to the paupers of la Primera to even things out a little, both teams have suddenly and ever so accidentally become a little careless of late.

So careless, in fact, that the complaints of the Spanish league being the most unbalanced and hopeless - and sh*t, as Sevilla would put it - in the world have disappeared completely ever since Barcelona and Real Madrid decided to become extremely charitable on the pitch rather than with their cheque books.

But with the responsible blog having to make the assumption that all this craziness isn’t an elaborate ruse from Sandro Rosell and Florentino Pérez, LLL must note that Real Madrid are blooming awful at the moment and no excuse in the world that José Mourinho can come up with can hide it. Though the Madrid boss did his level best to blame both the opposition and referee for Wednesday’s goalless draw against an injury-battered Racing, as well as his own team. “Their cartload of injuries, tackles and simulations they were allowed meant we couldn’t get the necessary rhythm,” complained Mourinho.

It’s been a tough week for Marca too, with the paper having to find alternate front covers in reaction to Madrid’s double failures to Levante and Racing. On Monday morning the European Championship winning Spanish basketball team made the headlines. Three days later and Falcao’s performance in Atlético Madrid’s 4-0 win over Sporting is suddenly of interest to the paper who have had to lock away their “Cristiano is a machine!” headlines for a while. With the paper’s editorial also focussing on the Rojiblancos, it’s up to AS to run around in a blind panic on Thursday instead.

“Is there internal division in the dressing room? Are the Spanish upset with the ostracism of Albiol, Granero and, as of yesterday, Sergio Ramos?” questioned a confused Tomás Roncero after Raphael Varane stood in for the injured Pepe and Alvaro Arbeloa took Ramos’ rampaging spot on the right. “Last night, the team were like their shirt. Black on the outside and on the inside,” fretted the down-in-the-dumps AS man.

The damage to Real Madrid’s title hopes were lessoned a little by Barcelona’s 2-2 draw at Valencia, though ‘the image’ as they say in Spain of the two teams’ performances was contrasting. While Real Madrid managed just two shots on target all match and played the game as if it was a cup second leg in which they held a 7-0 lead, Barcelona rolled up their sleeves in a wonderful slugging match with Valencia that ended in a 2-2 draw.

Indeed the game could have ended in a win for Valencia and Barcelona with Roberto Soldado missing a sitter from two yards with the home side 2-1 up and Guaita pulling out the stops to block Barcelona in the final minutes of a marvel of a match in Mestalla.

“A draw is a point,” admits Lluís Mascaró in Sport, “but not all draws are worth the same. There are draws of champions, luxury draws like Barcelona managed in Mestalla last night. Then there are painful, crappy draws like Madrid’s in Santander.”

The slip-up from both teams - predestined or not - sees Valencia at the top of the table, but with Betis having the remarkable chance to be league leaders if they manage the very achievable goal of beating Zaragoza at home on Thursday night. If so, then the southern side will also go above second-placed, Málaga who made it three wins from three with a 1-0 victory against Athletic Bilbao to make Manuel Pellegrini a very chilled Chilean indeed with his former club Real Madrid two points behind.

Despite Marca’s less than heartfelt reasons for jamming Falcao onto Thursday’s front cover, there’s good reason to be very excited at the Vicente Calderón these days, after Atlético managed back-to-back 4-0 victories, with Falcao grabbing five goals in the wins over Racing and Sporting. “The team is working for him and he is working for the team,” said a pleased-as-punch Gregorio Manzano after the match. “He’s a useful player and one that our fans can enjoy.”

It was a bad night for Madrid’s third side Rayo who fell to a 2-1 defeat to visiting Levante who have now picked up six points in their last two games. The scorer of second goal was the now legendary figure of Sergio Ballesteros who has become the centre of a Twitter trending campaign to get the super-sized stopper called up to the Spanish squad.

To be fair, it’s no stranger a concept that the other bizarre events that have been going on la Liga this week.

Results - Round 5
Osasuna 0-0 Sevilla
Real Sociedad 1-0 Granada
Villarreal 2-0 Mallorca
Atlético Madrid 4-0 Sporting
Málaga 1-0 Athletic Bilbao
Rayo 1-2 Levante
Racing 0-0 Real Madrid
Valencia 2-2 Barcelona
Espanyol v Getafe - Thursday
Betis v Zaragoza - Thursday

Catalan press beg defeated Mourinho to stick with Real Madrid

2011-09-20T11:11:00Z

It’s a little like a game of taunting tig. This time last week the Madrid press were chuckling and cheerfully waving in Barcelona’s direction after Pep’s Dream Boys dropped points to Real Sociedad.

Some seven days later and the roles are reversed after Madrid’s Levante let down. Meanwhile, neither side seems to have noticed that the mighty Valencia and Betis are currently running away with la Primera trophy.

Sarcasm certainly seems to the be current trend in the Spanish football world, after Mourinho’s claims before Sunday’s match that his team’s main goal this season was getting 40 points on the board - something that may be an issue if Madrid continue to struggle against sides that put it a tackle from time to time.

Tuesday’s edition of Barcelona based Sport returns the favour with a front cover begging Mourinho to stay at the Santiago Bernabeu, with Joan Vehils writing that “the damage Mourinho is doing to Real Madrid is proportional to the good Guardiola is creating at Barcelona.

"If Mou goes, the only thing that can happen is that Madrid improve. Conclusion: may Mourinho stay many years and if possible with Florentino as president.”

Marca are preferring to avoid the whole nasty business of Sunday’s meltdown and are continuing to insist that Neymar will arrive at the Bernabeu after the 2012 Olympics, having taken a medical last Friday. The wee Brazilian international is set to cost a gargantuan €60 million, with Monday’s edition reporting Neymar will earn €7 million a year on a six year contract. Tuesday’s Marca reveals that a clause in the contract that quite possibly doesn’t exist will give Neymar an extra million should he win the Balon d’Or.

Neymar himself has pointlessly protested that “I’ve not signed anything with anyone,” and claims he was at a hospital on Friday to visit a family friend, but until Real Madrid thrash some minion side convincingly, stories about the current apple of Florentino Pérez’s eye are going to run and run.

The Forces of Mordor do have the chance to achieve this with a trip to take on Racing Santander on Wednesday, but before that there are three matches taking place in la Liga to kick off a rare midweek round of action.

Osasuna have only had a few days to recover from their Camp Nou pummeling and face a trip to Sevilla. “I think we are going to react well,” mused manager José Luis Mendilibar. “The good thing is that the next game is going very quickly which doesn’t give you any time to think about the last one.”

Sevilla coach Marcelino is already rightfully nervy about facing a Osasuna in Pamplona, where they are traditionally strong and fairly brutal too. “Osasuna use their strengths very well at home,” warned Marcelino. “They are a tough team and more so when they are going into the match after the huge defeat to Barcelona.”

Real Sociedad host Granada in a match that isn’t all that exciting really aside from seeing whether the visitors can build on their first goal and first points in Saturday’s win over Villarreal. And speaking of the Yellow Submarine, Villarreal are currently in all sorts of trouble having picked up just one point from nine to leave the Champions League outfit in the relegation zone.

Villarreal have a very good chance to lift themselves out of it in Tuesday’s late game which is the visit of Mallorca. “We can play much better as we have footballers not giving their best,” warned manager, Juan Carlos Garrido, ahead of the clash - a game that LLL feels will be a Barcelona style crushing of their Balearic visitors.

Good Day, Bad Day: Angry Pep ‘not angry’ and Levante’s heavyweight hero

2011-09-19T13:58:00Z

Good Day

Roberto Soldado
Fernando Torres’ comedy blunder against Manchester United may have edged the Valencia striker a rung nearer the Chelsea man’s spot in the Spanish side after Soldado’s fifth goal in just three league games gave the Mestalla men a table-topping victory against Sporting. It was the second of two solitary strikes from successive 1-0 wins for Soldado that sees Valencia riding high like Sergio Ramos in an airplane bathroom.

Pep Guardiola
The time really is getting close to nigh for Pep to leave his Dream Boys and start a solo career as there are certain, unfortunate Mourinho-like qualities creeping into his psyche. Before Saturday’s Osasuna match, the Barça boss was bickering with a Marca journalist - a complete waste of anyone’s time - and after the 8-0 destruction which should have been a Pep happy time there was a touch of the tin-foil beanie hat about Guardiola’s “let’s be ‘avin ya” reaction to the result with his claim that “there’s a lot of people who don’t want us to win.”
“They want to see me angry but they’ve still not managed it,” declared Pep angrily. “I’m very happy with my players and the only thing I can do is defend them.”

Sergio Ballesteros
The Levante centre-back may be carrying a little bit of extra timber, be a tad slow and go to ground rather easily when shoved by belligerent Germans, but Ballesteros led a wonderful defensive display from a Levante back four who had a combined age of 138, in front of a goalkeeper who was not having one of his best evenings. Levante are a dirty old bunch who do whatever they can to get a result, but when you are dealing with opponents possessing a TV income that’s 10 times bigger than yours, then one cuts one’s cloth accordingly.

Koné
A miserable two year spell of injury for the Ivorian striker is hopefully behind Koné after his cracking winning strike against Madrid.

Málaga
The finishing in the 1-0 away win at Mallorca wasn’t quite up to the standard of Monday’s victory over Granada but Manuel Pellegrini’s side did more than enough to earn three very handy points on their travels.

Freddie Kanouté
The winning strike in a narrow 1-0 win against Real Sociedad saw the Malian forward enjoying his 100th victory for Sevilla. Saturday’s match was a fairly even affair - which says a lot about the progress la Real have made over the summer - but Kanouté’s touch of class made the difference.

Granada
It is a tribute to the all round nice guy nature of Villarreal that the scorer of Granada’s first league goal of the season, Ikechukwu Uche, is a Villarreal player loaned out to the Primera newcomers for the year. Villarreal will certainly be regretting the decision not to jam a non-playing clause into the Nigerian’s contract which would have prevented him from featuring on Saturday and scoring the only goal in a deserving 1-0 win for Granada. Juan Carlos Garrido now has to work out if someone has put non-playing clauses on every one of his own side instead.

Michu
The big lad up front for Rayo had a goal incorrectly disallowed for offside against Zaragoza last weekend, but the striker’s towering header to beat Getafe after just four minutes was a good ‘un, as was the overall performance of the striker - industrious and committed, two words which sum up Rayo’s impressive start to the season which sees five points from the side’s opening three games.

Betis
‘Blistering’ and ‘ferocious’ were the words that popped into a gasping LLL’s tiny mind on Sunday night - as well as ‘11pm’, ‘Sunday’ and too late for football’ as it watched the 3-2 win over Athletic Bilbao that sees Betis sharing the lead at the top of the table with Valencia.

Falcao
Heck, if even the renowned cynical, old misery guts LLL is starting to believe that there could be something special going on at Atlético Madrid then it really is time for the Rojiblanco massive to either start getting sticky with excitement or really worry.
Racing Santander were torn a new one on Sunday with Falcao grabbing a hat-trick to go with the goal against Celtic three days previously. However, it was all round loveliness from the Vicente Calderón club with Diego and Arda continuing to settle in very well indeed.

Zaragoza
A bit of breathing space for coach, Javier Aguirre, with Luis García popping up in injury time to give Zaragoza their first points of the season against his former club Espanyol.

Bad Day

Real Madrid
It seems that José Mourinho is caught between blaming his footballers for losing their heads and joining in a hacking match against Levante and the instinctive urge to have a pop at the referee. In truth the man-in-the-middle could have sent a whole load of players off including Juanlu and Angel di María for their respective lunges and especially Rubén for a rather brutal hack on Cristiano Ronaldo. And then there was Pepe and so on and so on.
The point is that the lack of goals in two games against Levante in their ground last season wasn’t a big enough warning for the Madrid players a season later with the Santiago Bernabeu club immediately losing the advantage the side had against Barcelona with Sunday’s surprising defeat.

Sami Khedira
“Players need to be sufficiently intelligent to avoid situations like this,” noted Mourinho on Sami Khedira’s rash decision to push over Sergio Ballesteros when the German already had a yellow card. Although Madrid already had enough quality on the pitch to overcome Levante even when down to ten men, Khedira’s petulance certainly didn’t help matters at all.

Villarreal
The Yellow Submarine are still punch drunk from their opening day thrashing by Barcelona which really has knocked the stuffing out of the east coast side, who are now second-from-bottom of the table with just a single point from nine. The midweek loss to Bayern Munich in the Champions League certainly can’t have helped either although Villarreal do have only themselves to blame for not even picking up a point against Granada with Giuseppe Rossi hitting a penalty against a post and Jonathan De Guzman slicing the rebound wide. Villarreal’s home game against Mallorca on Tuesday is already looking like a whopper.

Getafe
‘Quite hopeless’ was the gist of the prevailing wind of LLL’s feeling from the Coliseum after seeing Getafe’s 1-0 defeat to visiting Rayo. That also was the sensation from manager, Luís García, who despite coming into the press conference looking fairly chirpy was not a happy man. “The first half was a disaster on the ball,” admitted the former Levante boss, “we missed every pass.”

Sporting
‘Oh no!’ bemoans LLL clutching its face dramatically in an homage to both Macaulay Culkin and Angel di María. A third defeat from three for poor Sporting leaves the sorry Gijón side at the bottom of the table without a point and without much hope of getting one if the performance against Valencia was any indication. Sporting were their usual industrious selves but when it came to creating chances the team were as clueless as Víctor Valdés when being asked anger management tips. “We’re having trouble producing attacking football,” noted an under pressure Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado.

Athletic Bilbao
“Biesla has turned lions into cats” was the lament from one Athletic Bilbao fan complaining about the failing tactical revolution in the Basque Country that saw Athletic torn apart at times by Betis in Sunday’s 3-2 defeat and still without a win in la Liga.

La Preview: Atlético’s new hero and relief for Getafe’s fans

2011-09-16T10:58:00Z

Saturday

Sporting (19th) v Valencia (2nd) - 18.00
With the burning topic of the week in Spain now being whether Cristiano Ronaldo is as handsome as the Portuguese player clearly thinks he is, the country’s football press rounded on someone utterly unqualified to answer that particular poser about a poser - David Albelda.
As well as trawling through the disappointment of Valencia’s goalless draw against Genk - “we would have liked to have won but you can’t say we are out of the Champions League” - the veteran midfielder was also asked for his thoughts on Ronaldo’s contentious claim from Wednesday night.
“I didn’t waste a second last night thinking about whether Ronaldo is ugly or good-looking,” revealed the Valencia man, “although if there was a poll I would lose 99% of the time.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Granada (20th) v Villarreal (17th) - 18.00
Just one point from six in la Liga and and a crushing 2-0 home defeat midweek to Bayern Munich in the Champions League sees Villarreal jabbing the panic button with gusto. “It’s a bad situation, we have to improve,” noted Diego López. However, Villarreal’s situation could be a lot worse. They could be Granada.
The newbies to la Primera have lost their first two games so far this season without scoring a goal, or even coming close. Club president, Quique Pina, has been talking about how calm and relaxed he is about Granada’s start to the season - a sure sign of how calm and relaxed he isn’t feeling about Granada’s start to the season.
“I’m just as relaxed and excited as I was before la Liga began and I wanted to pass this onto the squad,” revealed Pina under the miscomprehension that the Granada players give a Dutchman’s clog what the strange man in the suit who came to lecture them was feeling.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Mallorca (10th) v Málaga (8th) - 18.00
More trouble at’mill for Mallorca this week with a very open rift between the club’s figurehead and Vice President, Serra Ferrer, and Michael Laudrup over the failure of the club to buy a new striker over the summer.
Stuck in the middle is Mallorca president, Jaume Cladera, who noted that “in football, egos are delicate and you have to take care of them. You have to try and put each ego in its place. If not, you produce an imbalance and that’s were we are.”
It seems so likely that a very grumpy Laudrup will walk any day now that names to replace the Dane have been rolling around the Balearic landscape with former Athletic Bilbao boss and all round genius in the blog’s eyes, Joaquín Caparrós, at the front of the queue - but denying it - having been recently released nut-job led Swiss outfit Neuchatel Xamax.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (4th) v Osasuna (7th) - 20.00
Where the Spanish press lead, LLL is following - so it is off to Barcelona where the local columnists have had a field day digesting Cristiano Ronaldo’s comments and then regurgitating them like a fur ball.
“The best thing he can do is look at Leo Messi who despite being number one in the world has never thumped his chest,” was the suggestion from José Luis Carazo writing in Sport.
“Once again, reality beats fiction,” writes his colleague, Lluís Mascaró, on Ronaldo’s rather excellent portrayal in Spanish comedy show, ‘Crakòvia’.
LLL Prediction - Home win (at least after the first half, anyway)

Sevilla (6th) v Real Sociedad (5th) - 22.00
On an institutional level, Sevilla were not a group of happy campers this week after a meeting of the Spanish League (LFP). Having held their own rebel’s council last Thursday to discuss possible action to take on the omnipotent pair of Real Madrid and Barcelona, it seems that some of those more vocal members were quiet as wee, trembling mice, with the Sevilla Director General, José María Cruz, complaining that some put on their bestest, pretty petty coats and got down on one knee to apologise (to Real Madrid and Barcelona) for attending. “It was a free-for-all, a scrap,” lamented the Sevilla big wig.
Cruz claimed that only Espanyol and Betis had Sevilla’s back. “Real Madrid had a very strong reaction against what Sevilla have been proposing in a sign they feel threatened.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Getafe (16th) v Rayo Vallecano (12th) - 12.00
The two teams vying for the ever-so prestigious title of third best team in Madrid - or second, depending on what mood Atlético Madrid are in of a particular season - meet for the first time ever in la Primera.
Unfortunately, the Getafe boss won’t be there flapping away on the pitch to lead his side into this celebrated clash. Again. In fact, Luis García has yet to stand and wave his arms on the Coliseum touchline as a fully fledged Getafe boss having been suspended for the first match of the season due to a misdemeanor from the final game of the last campaign, whilst wearing his Levante hat.
Luis García was momentarily back in action at the Bernabeu last Saturday but was sent off and suspended for two games, apparently for telling the referee that he was a “disgrace” - something that is never going to go down well with Spain’s notoriously short-tempered and humourless men in the middle.
On a side note, AS revealed on Thursday that Getafe’s infamous “Hot Zombies from Getafe” film - of the full-on adult variety dribbles the paper - was shown in Madrid on Thursday before being distributed to sperm donation clinics around the city. The sound of an invitation plopping into LLL’s post box was disappointedly absent.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (18th) v Espanyol (9th) - 16.00
LLL has had the dubious pleasure of seeing Zaragoza twice now this season - once on the google-box and the other in person - so the blog is perfectly qualified to declare that the Aragonese side are blooming awful. “Could have been worse,” was the verdict from manager, Javier Aguirre, after the goalless draw with Rayo Vallecano.
What’s more, LLL also discovered yet more evil doing behaviour from the bottom-scraping Zaragoza who in recent months have thrown balls onto the pitch to stop the opposition, gone into administration to avoid paying debts to players and spent a silly amount of money from an investment fund that no-one really knows anything about. The club’s latest crime was Aguirre imitating a referee’s whistle during the Rayo clash with the maverick Mexican getting booked in the process.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Atlético Madrid (15th) v Racing Santander (13th) - 18.00
“Diego, the new idol of the Calderón” declares Friday’s edition of AS after Atlético’s 2-0 Europa win over Celtic and LLL is in full, hearty agreement. It was a sticky, steaming night in the Vicente Calderón but an evening when Diego making his first start for Atlético was very impressive indeed. Always wanting the ball and almost impossible to knock him off it when he got it, Diego seems to be ‘the brain’ in midfield that the Rojiblancos have been missing for some time.
“A top player,” said Neil Lennon when LLL probed the Celtic boss after the game on what he thought of the Brazilian who scored Atlético’s second. “He’s hard to pick up and actually quite strong. Being here in Madrid will suit him. Maybe this is the platform for him to move up in his career,” opined Lennon who said that Diego reminded him a great deal of former Barcelona midfielder, Deco.
LLL Prediction - Home win.

Levante (11th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
“Handsome, rich, famous...and brave” was the panting headline on Friday from AS over the pluckiness of their hero who wants to play against Levante on Sunday “despite the ankle injury” given to him by the dastardly Leko of Dinamo Zagreb. But if Ronaldo is looking for any sympathy, the forward probably isn’t going to get it at Levante were yet more rough play can be expected.
“He’s a very good, very fast player,” said Xavi Torres, “so if you have to give him a knock, as they say in football, then he’ll get one as will anyone else who we come up against and gives us the chance to win the ball.”
The midfielder’s defensive colleague, Juanfran, couldn’t help but comment on Ronaldo’s modest statement over why everyone had it in for him. “I thought he was describing me,” chuckled the full-back.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Athletic Bilbao (14th) v Betis (3rd)
A big sigh of relief from Marcelo Biesla on Thursday after a 2-1 away win against Slovan Bratislava to take away a bit of the pressure that had been building on the Athletic boss after his team picked up just one point from six in their start to la Liga.
The situation had become so tense that the aforementioned Joaquín Caparrós was even being linked with a quick return to the club he had to leave after his former boss lost the summer’s presidential elections. But once again, ‘Jokin’ said that he had no desire to return and was more interested in trying to restart his journalism studies. “You have to give Biesla time,” said Caparrós. “As the Athletic fan that I am, I hope and wish it goes well for the coach.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid begin hunt for La Décima. Again.

2011-09-14T10:45:00Z

The Champions League only really starts for LLL when the blog reads the annual “Real Madrid are going for La Décima!” headlines in the local papers.

It’s a call to arms for Madrid’s 10th European Cup crown which has been running since 2002 and has become a fun September tradition alongside the advertisements encouraging newly-enthused Spaniards returning from their holidays to learn a new language, take up embroidery or collect ghastly figurines so beloved by the nation’s evil grannies.

To be fair, most of these new hobbies last about as long as Real Madrid’s standard Champions League campaigns. But all that changed last season when the mighty side from Mordor made it through to the semi-finals, so perhaps there was extra gusto in Tuesday’s edition of Marca when it screamed “The Dream of La Décima!” from its front cover.

AS picked up this beacon of hope on Wednesday, sticking a photo of Pepe and Carvalho arriving in Zagreb sporting big smiles. “Happy faces about La Décima!” beamed the paper - tiny face in Pepe’s case - although LLL suspects the centre-back had just heard the news that his Portuguese colleague was suspended from playing for his country for a year. “Sweeeeeeet,” was the thought LLL suspects was going through Pepe’s mind to the tune of the Magic Roundabout.

That's right Cristiano - Madrid are looking for a TENTH European crown

The paper reports that since José Mourinho no longer wants the press flying with the team on trips, 18 supporters were on Madrid’s stealth jet to Croatia on Tuesday. However, AS assures readers that “security made sure no-one from outside the team went up front to ask the players for photos or autographs.” LLL shudders to think of the consequences of that.

Antonio Romero, writing in Wednesday’s edition, has a good feeling about this year and reveals that “Cristiano smells La Décima.” LLL suspects that the forward smells Karim Benzema, who is sweating for the first time in his football life, but the blog is not going to poop Antonio’s party. “He knows Madrid signed him to be decisive in the big Champions League games and at the moment he has a debt. Today the path begins for the new Cristiano to cancel the debt.”

That path begins without José Mourinho, who is continuing to serve a UEFA touchline ban. The Madrid manager is expected to stay behind at the team hotel but his number two, Aitor Karanka, revealed that no decision had be made as to Mourinho’s location for the game. LLL suspects he’ll either be sipping brandy, sprawled in a giant leather swivel chair in an airship hovering menacingly over the ground, or lying by the side of the pitch having painted himself green.

It probably won’t have escaped everyone’s attention that Barça blew it big style against AC Milan in the Camp Nou on Tuesday, conceding an equaliser in the final seconds of their clash with the Serie A side. However, the Thiago Silva header at least had a pleasing symmetrical feel to it, with Barça conceding in the opening seconds of their game too.

While AS claim that “Barça have a problem, a serious problem,” and Marca scoff that Pep’s Dream Boys “can’t do it with a dinosaur” - a problem that the soon-to-be-husband of the ancient Duquesa de Alba is about to experience - Pep Guardiola is less concerned. “I’m not worried,” soothed the Barça boss. “If people are, we’ll try to make them less worried. I have no doubts.”

Pep looking not at all concerned or worried during last night's draw...

There is certainly an air of concern in the Catalan press on Wednesday morning, with Sport’s Josep María Casanovas - the same writer who claimed AC Milan would pay big time on Tuesday night - moaning that “Barcelona had a sensational August” but have become a team that have “tripped on the same stone twice in September.”

His chest-thumping colleague, Lluís Mascaró, has come out swinging and writes that “Barcelona have nothing to prove. Over the past three years they have earned infinite credit” - not unlike Real Madrid’s relationship with banks, LLL notes.

Mundo Deportivo’s headline is “Tuesday 13th” with the traditionally bad day being a little different in Spain. The paper’s approach is a little more doomy and gloomy with Santi Nolla writing that Barça have “lost motivation and humility. Little has been learned from the 2-2 in Anoeta.”

It was also not a particularly good night for Valencia, who endured a goalless draw with Genk after Spain’s very own tinker man, Unai Emery, once again messed with the Mestalla men’s system.

Valencia’s neighbours Villarreal will be kicking off their Champions League campaign on Wednesday with an intriguing home clash against Bayern Munich. However, Juan Garrido’s men will be struggling for space in Thursday’s papers with Madrid having begun their hunt for la Décima. Again.

Pep opts against chicken dance as Barça face Big Bullies from Milan

2011-09-13T12:55:00Z

It’s all very well Barça being the Goody Two-Shoes, helping old ladies across the road kind of club with their wholesome values, but that doesn’t help at all when it comes to any kind of confrontation, at which stage Pep’s Dream Boysn usually turn into namby-pamby, jiggling jelly-fish.

The message from the culé camp ahead of Tuesday’s visit of AC Milan in the Champions League was largely one of fear and the desperate hope that two of the Serie A club’s more unhinged figures don’t come to the Camp Nou looking for some dinner money-stealing, wedgie-giving action.

Fortunately for Pep Guardiola, one of those big bully boys, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, won’t be returning to Catalunya, having missed out on the opportunity of a happy reunion with his former coach by injuring himself in Monday’s training session. “What a coincidence!” wrote Marca on the Swede’s misfortune from the safe distance of the other side of the Med.

Pep Guardiola’s reaction to the news of Zlatan’s absence was typical of his usual infuriating nice-guy schtick, with the Barca boss claiming that “before I had him, he seemed like a fantastic player and after having him, even more so. He’s a footballer on another level. I thank him for everything he gave us. It’s a shame he couldn’t come.” A disappointed LLL was so hoping for an ‘Arrested Development’-style chicken dance from the Barça boss at the mention of Zlatan’s sudden injury.

Another bogey man for Barcelona, and Andrés Iniesta in particular, is Marc Van Bommel. The high-browed midfielder criticised the Dutchman over the summer for being a dirty old man during the World Cup final. On Monday, with the Dutch midfielder somewhere in the city, Iniesta stuck his chin out and boasted that he wasn’t “afraid of any rival.”

Van Bommel, of course, was then probed on Iniesta’s words before the exasperated Milan press officer banned journalists from asking them in the pre-match conference. “Perhaps Spain and Holland are playing tomorrow?” joked the Milan man. “The match was a year ago, it seems strange that you are asking me about this but I guess you have to write something,” scoffed the former Barcelona midfielder, forgetting that the concepts of ‘strange’ and ‘Spanish football press’ go hand-in-hand. Even Pep Guardiola had sympathy for the legendary tough tackler - “you asked the poor guy 250 questions on the World Cup final. You have to have a bit of respect.”

The Barça press’ response to the Real Sociedad draw has followed the identical pattern of the previous occasions the side has slipped up. Weeks of editorials claiming Barcelona are invincible are then followed by days of sober editorials noting that Barcelona aren’t invincible before yet more editorials proposing that Barcelona are indeed invincible again.

“We are convinced that the mistake of San Sebastian will have consequences and that the Italians will pay the prices,” boomed Josep María Casanovas in Sport, another columnist who doubts Zlatan’s injury and will be hoping to avoid a dark alley moment in the near future with the six-foot-a million loon. “A suspicious injury has left him in Milan and who knows if it is to avoid the boos of the Barcelona fans.”

Barcelona are just one of two Spanish sides in Champions League action on Tuesday. Valencia are the other and facing Genk in...er...Genk? The blog did hear though that the Mestalla men’s flight to...Genk...was delayed when Miguel Brito started to barf and feel unwell. But after chuckling knowingly, LLL then remembered that the Portuguese fullback had only just promised that his nightclubbing days were behind him. The official explanation given was that Miguel had suffered an allergic reaction.

There is still a bit of la Liga business to squeeze out at the end with Málaga thrashing poor old Granada 4-0 on Monday with two goals from the lovely Santi Cazorla and a brace from Joaquín to leave Granada without points at the bottom of the table.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça lose ground as Madrid get the better of Getafe

2011-09-12T14:36:00Z

Good day

Real Madrid
A good day for José Mourinho’s side, not through their own sterling efforts in Saturday’s 4-2 win over Getafe, but rather for getting away with four goals - including a dodgy penalty - despite a very iffy defensive performance, with the Madrid back four as chilled and casual as a vegan’s wedding. Oh, and Barcelona dropped points as well.
The most interesting thing to note during the game - aside from Fabio Coentrao’s interpretation of finishing prowess - was that Madrid’s fluidity fell apart whenever Getafe were threatening the home side’s dominance. Real Madrid may be brilliant when the side’s collective tail is up but are still a tad wobbly when not blasting their way through the cannon fodder. “I’m not happy with my team,” said Mourinho. “We won and deserved to win, scored four goals, we could have scored more but our rivals scored two and could have scored more.”

Betis
If you’d said last week that only three teams would have six points from two games and one would begin with ‘B’, you’d probably have gone with a certain Catalan outfit. Instead, it’s the mighty Betis, with a much-needed solid start to the campaign and a second 1-0 win, this time over Mallorca in the sticky sweatiness of a midday kick-off on Sunday.

Miguel Brito
The bad boy Valencia full-back promised last week that “away from football, you aren’t going to hear about Miguel.” So far the defender has been true to his word - although it has only been three or four days - with a fine defensive display in the 1-0 win over Atlético and a lovely pass that plopped onto the in-form head of Roberto Soldado for Valencia’s winner.

Villarreal
A home win would have been handy for Villarreal after their 5-0 tonking by Barcelona a fortnight ago, but having gone a man and a goal down after 24 minutes, with goalkeeper Diego López sent off and Alvaro Negredo netting the resulting penalty at the second attempt, it looked like being a stinker of a day for Villarreal in a sweaty El Madrigal. But instead they dug deep for a 2-2 draw - with even Sevilla boss left claiming Villarreal deserved more. “The draw wasn’t fair on them,” admitted a gracious Marcelino.

César Sánchez
An appearance for the Villarreal keeper coming off the bench to replace Diego López was Primera match number 400 for the former Valencia and Spurs goalie who turned 40 at the beginning of September.

Philippe Montanier
Anyone French is always going to rouse a little suspicion in Spain - and rightly so - but especially when he’s a manager and coming over here with his fancy ways. But the freshly appointed Real Sociedad boss has already built on a coaching reputation of turning mighty minnows into monstrous mammoths, thanks to a 2-1 win over Sporting and now a brilliant draw with Barcelona.

Imanol Agirretxe
The 23-year-old Real Sociedad striker is enjoying a bit of a hot spot having equalled the number of league goals he managed last season with his header against Barcelona added to his opening day brace against Sporting. “He’s very complete, he moves well, he’s got a lot of technique and goals in him. He’s begun well but will keep doing more,” was the praise from former teammate, Borja Viguera.

Miku
Two extremely cool finishes from the Getafe striker gives the Venezuelan three goals so far this season. His second was teed-up by the pass of Dani Güiza in a hint of what could be a handy striking partnership for Getafe.

Roberto
The Zaragoza keeper is still the man of the moment in la Liga. Having stopped a rout by Real Madrid in La Romareda, Roberto saved a point for the Aragonese outfit with a penalty stop from Rayo’s Javi Fuego and a late diving effort to block a shot from Andrija Delibasic. It was a good day all round for Zaragoza, who were largely dismal against Rayo with Javier Aguirre admitting after the game that the result “could have been worse” and that there was an awful lot of work to be done with a squad that is made up of yet-to-gel new arrivals.

Osasuna
Four points from two games for Osasuna after a 2-1 win against Sporting on Sunday afternoon.

Espanyol
Experiencing Espanyol’s 2-1 win against Athletic on Sunday involved staying up until midnight. LLL certainly wasn’t going to do that in a billion years. But that’s only because the blog knew Paul from Barcelona would be there doing his duty instead...
“A pretty even match. Espanyol not looking too clever on paper but a bit better than expected on grass. Athletic as per usual, ten big blokes and a small one with loads of skill but no end product.
Espanyol took the lead thanks to a great bit of work from Spain U-20 star Alvaro and a fine header from Sergio Garcia, apparently. I’d nipped to the loo and missed it.
Athletic began the second half strongly and a couple of excellent saves by Espanyol keeper, Cristian, one in the first half too, kept Espanyol in it. Athletic equalised thanks to the next big Stoke city signing, Fernando Llorente (€30 million !!!!!!!) - a header from a corner. We weren’t shocked.
Sergio García scored the winner after a rare mistake from Gorka. Athletic never really looked like equalising and it finished 2-1. Not a lot in it. Neither team will trouble the top six or top ten, for that matter. MOM - Joan Verdu. Usual dire referee performance - Paul, Barcelona."

Bad Day

Barcelona
When it comes to explaining Barcelona’s draw against Real Sociedad - which doesn't seem so bad when you consider Pep’s Dream Boys still have more points than this time last year - LLL falls into line with Mundo Deportivo. “It wasn’t the ‘FIFA Virus’ or the wrong line-up, nor bad luck. Barça dropped two points in San Sebastian because they fell for the old sin of complacency,” writes Joan Poquí.
It really was suicidal stuff from Barcelona who had the game sewn up after eleven minutes with goals from Xavi and Cesc Fabregas. But then a Real Sociedad who “weren’t themselves” in the first half, according to their manager, took advantage of a series of lapses from the visitors - including an insane back pass from David Villa - to give what Pep Guardiola has called “a good lesson for the future.”

Atlético Madrid
A 1-0 defeat for Atlético sees the club with just one point and no goals in their opening two games. But no need to worry, says one of those responsible for that record, Adrián, who promises that “the goals will come. We have the feeling that we are moving up.”
An extremely bright light from Saturday’s reverse was Diego. who had a very promising 30 minute cameo in the second half and should have been awarded a stone-wall penalty.

Rayo Vallecano
When Rayo Vallecano boss, José Sandoval, claimed his side could have had six points rather than two after the goalless draw against Zaragoza, he wasn’t wrong. A penalty miss and an incorrectly ruled out goal in the final seconds in Vallecas turned out to be a costly loss of two points in a game Rayo deserved to win, for the main reason that they were the only side to turn up on Sunday afternoon. “The only team that tried playing football were Rayo,” said the rather serious Rayo captain, José Movilla, after the game in response to a probing from LLL.

Marcelo Biesla
Just one point from two games sees the Athletic coach under pressure - from LLL anyway, who is calling for the return of Joaquín Caparrós. A bad night for Biesla after a 2-1 defeat to Espanyol was made worse with the news that Ander Herrera is set to miss the next three months with a knee injury.

Sporting
Two games and two defeats for Sporting is not the start to the season that the club need. Obviously.

La Preview: Ruud the Flesh-Eating Vampire and Mourinho’s Reign of Terror

2011-09-09T13:24:00Z

SATURDAY

Real Sociedad v Barcelona
The debate over the ethical ins and outs of Barcelona’s deal with the Qatar Foundation rumbles on in Catalunya, with ruminations over the serious impact the partnership could have on Barça’s all-powerful UNICEF-inspired smugness levels.
Salvados, an investigation show on Spanish TV channel LaSexta, travelled to Qatar to find out more about the charitable organisation by talking to the group’s vice-president Saif Ali Al-Hajari in an interchange that got a little bit testy towards the end.
Mundo Deportivo reported that the Barcelona board saw the programme’s broadcast as ‘opportune’ with the agreement set to be voted on in the club’s annual members’ conference later in September. As MD writer Miguel Rico sighs, “Only Barça is capable of debating a suitability of a sponsorship deal of €165m in five years.”
LLL Prediction – Away win

Villarreal v Sevilla
The two ringleaders fighting against the oppressive money-hoarding of Barcelona and Real Madrid meet on Saturday night, just two days after the newly-formed ‘G-12’ group met in Seville to discuss what is to be done about the inequality of the share in the TV lolly in la Primera.
The answer to that particular poser is "Don’t really know" but Sevilla president José María del Nido was still in full Braveheart mode with his declaration that “there's no turning back”. There’ll be no turning back from more meetings in the meantime, with another session planned where invitations will be sent to the six no-shows from la Primera, the clubs of the second division – Deportivo’s jowly president Augusto Lendoiro will surely be there with his extra-big buffet plate – as well as Real Madrid and Barcelona.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Madrid v Getafe
For a real insight into what is going on behind the gates of Mordor, the best source of information is the Catalan press – ‘best’ in this case meaning ‘most paranoid’. In a most entertaining account this week, Mundo Deportivo has been detailing José Mourinho’s ‘reign of terror’ at the Santiago Bernabeu.
“Not even a pen can be moved” without The Special One’s special permission, gasps the paper, claiming that Florentino Pérez has given his manager the freedom to do anything he so pleases. The paper gives an example of this brutal behaviour by claiming that a member of the club’s medical team had to ask permission from Mourinho on the club’s recent USA tour to treat an unwell member of the Spanish press pack, as Mourinho was against close relations between the media and Real Madrid.
LLL suspects that when Mourinho claims that “there is a campaign against me, it’s well organised and I enjoy it, it’s a motivation for me,” he may have a bit of a point.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Valencia v Atlético Madrid
The news agenda at the Vicente Calderón was dominated by two figures who are no longer at the club, Diego Forlán and Quique Sánchez, with both bickering busybodies discussing their dysfunctional relationship last season.
Forlán came out on the attack from his Milan safe-house by bitching that the former Atlético boss has had “a lot of teams and had problems in all of them.” By contrast, the squeaky-clean forward is 32 "and I’ve a lot of coaches and no problems with any” – aside from Sir Alex Ferguson, who booted him out of Old Trafford, apparently for ignoring his advice over the size of the Uruguayan’s studs.
The still-cucumber-cool Quique responded by noting that “in eight years as professional, I’ve not had a problem as a coach with players of the level of Villa, Aimar, Silva, Kun or Reyes,” and that their fallout last season was all down to Forlán.
LLL Prediction – Home win

SUNDAY

Betis v Mallorca
Seville. On a Sunday. In September. At a sizzling midday. It's a kick-off causing concern, with Betis' head of medical services Tomás Calero fretting that “I’m more afraid for the public that the footballers themselves, who will be watched for every moment.”
In a tumultuous week at Mallorca, it looked for a while like coach Michael Laudrup would be walking out after his bosses failed again on transfer deadline day to bring in a striker, something that the Great Dane has been requesting for seven months now.
Mallorca were trying to get their Balearic hands on Belgian striker Marvin Ogunjimi, but FIFA ruled on Thursday that the paperwork for the deal missed the deadline by 13 minutes – leaving Laudrup without his forward and hopping mad about it too. “If you play with fire then you're going to get burned,” stormed the Mallorca manager in an almighty fallout with VP Lorenzo Serra Ferrer.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Racing v Levante
Like Snap, LLL has the power. And that power has been granted to it (and everyone else) by the TV companies and the LFP, with the kick-off times of games for Racing, Levante and every team in the first and second division now known up to three weeks in advance – a miracle people thought would never be seen in Spain.
One of the gentlemen responsible for sorting out who plays who and when is Jaume Roures, one of the owners of Mediapro, who have a share in the rights of la Liga. In an interview in Marca, Roures manages to come across as a gentleman with the social skills of an Australian, especially when asked why it had taken so long for himself and his colleagues to get their s**t together.
“Why weren’t people complaining three years ago when we also gave out fixtures 10 days in advance?” The answer of course was that they were, but Roures no doubt had his head jammed too far up his jacksie to listen.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Osasuna v Sporting
It’s quite possible that LLL may not have been paying attention but it seems that there is whistling, skipping and tap-dancing in Pamplona these days with Osasuna fans supposedly full of joy about the season to come – despite everyone else expecting a hard campaign in which the team saves itself in a desperate dash over the last month, like every year.
Osasuna sporting director Angel Martín González has called for this supposed giddiness from the team’s supporters to stop immediately, noting that he has observed “too much excitement and enthusiasm.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Rayo Vallecano v Zaragoza
There was yet more rebellion in the People’s Republic of Vallecas with the footballers stopping training on Tuesday to support the club’s academy coaches who – like pretty much everyone else at Rayo over the past two years – have gone unpaid.
Club captain and LLL hero José Movilla told AS about the problems in Vallecas and the motivation behind Rayo’s promotion-winning campaign last year. “We know that if we didn’t go up then the club would have disappeared,” said the goalscorer of Rayo’s opening 1-1 draw at Athletic two weeks ago.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Espanyol v Athletic Bilbao
Adapting to a new tactical scheme that involves players passing to each other along the ground rather than hoofing it up field on a regular basis has been causing Fernando Llorente some problems, it seems, with the Athletic striker noting that under Joaquín Caparrós all he had to do was stand with his back to goal for 90 minutes but now he has to move around a bit under the orders of Marcelo Bielsa.
Over in Perico-land and the mood is very gloomy with the squad having lost forwards Luis García and Osvaldo over the summer and replaced the pair with ageing nut-job Walter ‘the rifle’ Pandiani. “There is pessimism and unhappiness with the fans,” admits Espanyol coach Mauricio Pochettino, “but this can be changed with victories.”
LLL Prediction – Draw

MONDAY

Málaga v Granada
“People call me ‘pisha’ in the street. At the start I didn’t know what it meant, but it’s something good isn’t it?” Ruud van Nistelrooy asked AS this week. LLL must confess that it has no idea, with the blog doing a quick Google search to find out whether the Dutch striker is either being compared to an Albanian footballer playing for Dinamo Tirana or a flesh-eating vampire in a computer game.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Spain 2016: Mullets, tattoos and Chris Eubank

2011-09-09T09:28:00Z

Spain’s unsurprising 6-0 win over Liechtenstein on Tuesday night sealed a wrinkle-free qualification through to the Euro 2012 finals in Poland and the Ukraine. And that got LLL’s noggin a-bogglin'.

While the make-up of the Spain squad for that competition and even the World Cup in 2014 could look similar, barring a few Xavi- and Puyol-shaped tweaks, the blog started contemplating how a 4-3-3 Spain in five years' time may well look for Euro 2016 in France…

Manager – Pep Guardiola
Yet another year of trying to win every trophy going, being charming and magnanimous whilst putting up with José Mourinho’s eye-poking dottiness is more than enough for the Barça boss and his struggling hairline. A year away from the game, followed by a season racking up the cash for a club in Qatar, puts Pep in prime position to take over from the retiring Vicente del Bosque in 2014 and kick off the mother of all anti-Madrid Marca conspiracies as Guardiola calls up most of the Masia U-17 side for a qualifier against Wales, just to see what happens.

Goalkeeper – David de Gea
By 2016, the Manchester United keeper’s wonderful follicular fin stands three feet high and is topped off by the traditional Spanish mullet, once so beloved of Rayo Vallecano’s Fernando Torres. The early wobbles and "new Massimo Taibi" taunts of his first months at Old Trafford are swiftly forgotten – as are the memories of De Gea ever having played for Atlético Madrid, the United man using his wealth hiring hackers to wipe that embarrassing episode from history.

Right-back – Sergio Ramos
Having told anyone eyeing his right-back berth that he won't give it up without a fight – literally – the Real Madrid man holds the position for a further half-decade. Even in 2016 the defender, now 31, is still sprightly, even if his signature late hacks from behind aren't as (un)timely as in the glory days.

Centre-back – Alberto Botía
Despite being parachuted into the Spain squad at the age of 22 for the September 2011 matches against Chile and Liechtenstein, the former Barcelona boy turned Sporting star doesn't have an easy path to becoming Gerard Piqué’s defensive partner. Tactfully ignoring those three formative teenage years at la Masia he is bundled into the Santiago Bernabeu (after Ricardo Carvalho falls out with Pepe for good) and anointed another 'new Hierro'– only to become the new bench-bothering Raúl Albíol. However, then Florentino Pérez is forced to hire Botía’s former Gijon gaffer Manuel Preciado, having run out of coaches to ask. Being under his mentor puts Botía’s career back on track, with many a happy night for Spain.

Centre-back – Gerard Piqué
Being dumped by Shakira for Getafe’s Miguel Torres in late 2012 sends Piqué into a Hamburger Elvis phase for a couple of seasons, but the seething rage burning inside the Catalan defender still produces campaign after campaign of wondrous performances for club and country – despite the increasing length of time it takes to trundle up and down the field to harass the referee. By 2016 Piqué is 29, in his pomp and dedicating a passionate version of Against All Odds to Shakira during his post-Euro-2016-winning interview with Sara Carbonera’s younger replacement. Whom he then tries to get off with.

Left-back – Nacho Monreal
Moving to Málaga in summer 2011 was the best move the left-back ever made. While at Osasuna, international call-ups often led to sudden injury and Alvaro Arbeloa taking his berth. But all this will be a fading memory for the Pamplona-born defender who will be 29 in 2015 with two years at Real Madrid under his belt after Málaga go bust due to the 2013 Great Oil War instigated by President Michelle Bachmann.

Midfield – Sergio Busquets
A hopping mad Madrid press is forced to watch and admire Barcelona’s stranglehold on Spain’s midfield for a further five years. What’s more, Sergio Busquets simply can’t be budged out of his holding position. Indeed the Barça midfielder matures into his role of all-round dastardly villain of football by tattooing an evil black eye-mask and twirly moustache onto his face after an unfortunate black-out ending, team-building night out with the controversially appointed new Barcelona boss Dani Güiza.

Midfield – Cesc Fabregas
Winning 57 domestic trophies in the five years since leaving Arsenal makes Cesc Fabregas the outcast of both the Barcelona and Spain dressing rooms by 2015: having received 15 years' worth of Camp Nou self-satisfaction in a third of the recommended time, the Barça No.4 is still immensely gifted but utterly intolerable after mere minutes in his extraordinarily smug company.

Midfield – Santi Cazorla
In 2011 it seems as if the wonderfully talented Thiago should be Spain’s first-choice playmaker for years – and indeed the Barça midfielder makes the position his own for two seasons. But the sight of Cazorla’s disappointed, sad puppy face being repeatedly told that he won’t be starting breaks Guardiola’s heart to such an extent that the hyper-motivated midfielder is a first pick every time for Pep’s side.

Forward – Pedro
Poor old Pedro spends another five years being forgotten by pundits talking about Barcelona’s star-studded line-up. “What a team, Clive: Messi, Villa, Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Piqué, Alexis.” Not even the tiny words “I’m a World Cup winner as well, you know” secretly sown into his club shirt seem to make much of a difference. But it doesn’t stop the Canary Islander picking up a whole bag of caps for his country.

Forward – Alvaro Negredo
The general bolshiness of the Sevilla striker increases in direct correlation to the number of goals he bangs in over the next five years. Which is a lot. In 2011, Negredo pushes Fernando Llorente and Fernando Torres out of the Spanish squad; in 2013, it’s David Villa’s turn to be dumped on his bum – literally, after an unfortunate training ground incident influenced by the pumped-up Primera Pichichi spending an ill-advised all-nighter watching cage-fighting.

Forward – David Silva
Following a chance encounter with Chris Eubank after a Manchester City match, David Silva encourages the constant description of him as ‘elegant’ by never being seen without a top hat and monocle during a three-year spell in the Premier League. A return to a newly-enriched Valencia soon brings Silva down to earth, though.

Sevilla boss Del Nido looking to lead a revolution in La Liga

2011-09-06T15:19:00Z

Well, who’d have thunk it? A club president in Spain keeping their word. The gentleman to manage this monumental achievement is Sevilla big-wig José María del Nido, with his threat to overthrow the forces of darkness in La Liga.

The Andalusian has had a constant bee in his bonnet with regards to the state of La Liga and the competition-ruining inequality of the carve-up of the TV income between the haves and the other 18 penny-pinching sides that form La Primera.

That’s not surprising considering Sevilla are supposed to be challenging the top two on a regular basis - and criticised heavily when they predictably fail to do so - despite receiving just €31 million a year in TV money compared to the whopping sum of €135 million doled out to the dilettantes of Barcelona and Real Madrid to keep them in the manner they have become accustomed to over the years.

Last week, Del Nido reacted with some gusto to the thrashings doled out to Zaragoza and Villarreal by the big two by offering the opinion that La Liga was the biggest load of old wee-wee in the world. Del Nido then warned his club “are not ruling taking drastic measures and having boycotts.”

Rather than this being a lot of hot air or fruity trifle with a truffle topping, Del Nido has followed up his threat by calling a gathering of Primera presidents for Thursday - minus Florentino Pérez and Sandro Rosell - to discuss what del Nido perceives to be “the unfair division of the television rights.”

Del Nido claims 15 clubs have confirmed they will be represented at the meeting with some “planning to boycott.”

“There’s no turning back,” warned the Sevilla boss at a press conference on Tuesday, “it’s a revolution of the masses like the French Revolution. How did the king of France end up after that?” joshed Del Nido to journalists frantically googling away on their smart-phones for the answer.

The Sevilla president claimed that key allies, Valencia and Atlético Madrid, will be heading down south to check out the revolutionary rumblings and will help to start the process of “making La Liga the best in Europe again.”

Sandro Rosell and Florentino Pérez are unlikely to have been able to come to the meeting anyway, as both seem to have very full plates at the moment - something that they are sure to have in common with their revolutionary rivals during Thursday’s mammoth din-dins session.

The Barça bigwig is preparing for the upcoming annual gathering of club members on September 24, where Rosell will have to get the sponsorship deal struck with the Qatar Foundation through a vote of approval - something that may not be too easy considering the whole affair makes the culé collective still feel a little queasy, despite the sums involved in the €30 million a year deal.

“We would be a lot smaller,” warned Rosell in La Vanguardia if the partnership was ultimately rejected.

“Without Qatar, Barcelona would not be able keep everything it has: the best squad in the world, the best coach in the world, the biggest multi-sport club in the world, the training centre where most money is invested. Our rivals would have the advantage,” argued the king of the Camp Nou.

According to Tuesday’s AS, Florentino Pérez is busy plotting once again to stick a roof on the traditionally wet and rainy Santiago Bernabeu as well as build a five star hotel with luxury shops and a restaurant in what is currently the car park in front of the main entrance.

The hotel's main purpose, according to the paper, is to “rent out suites with views of the pitch so that fans can see Real Madrid games (12-0 tonkings of Racing - LLL) without leaving their rooms.”

“In the most modern stadiums in England and the US this is quite normal,” explains AS to less than enthusiastic supporters who may inhabit the profile of fans who earn under a million a year - a profile that one suspects Florentino would like to eliminate.

LLL is still waiting for word on whether Rayo Vallecano are also planning a similar move. That news is unlikely to come until the end of the week as their president along with many others are more concerned with survival rather than luxury hotels or what to do with the awkward business of a load of free cash from the Gulf.

Caparrós is Swiss Cheese as Spain’s footballers unite for a fight

2011-09-05T13:52:00Z

Having been cruelly booted out of San Mamés over the summer with his boss losing the presidential election, Joaquín Caparrós was perhaps on the look-out for a bit of adventure.

The former Athletic Bilbao boss certainly found that with Swiss side Neuchatel Xamax and their ‘maverick’ Chechen owner Bulat Chagaev, having become the fourth manager to be fired from the club since the very potty president took over in May.

Jokin’s five match spell was ended on Friday, apparently for having dinner with his players. This heinous crime took place after Chagaev allegedly entered the dressing room with pistol-packing bodyguards to give the players a piece of his rather frightening mind after a 2-2 draw with Lausanne Sports.

“One day they are going to kill all of us. If you miss a pass or make a mistake you are afraid something will happen,” revealed a player who unsurprisingly wished to remain unnamed.

Caparrós was on his way to catch the Spanish national team’s fiery 3-2 win over Chile in St. Gallen before being told that his Neuchatel number was up.

“What happened with Caparrós was easy to understand,” explained Chagaev to a pant-peeing AS journalist in an interview published in Monday’s edition. “We lost the feeling, the perfume ran out.”

Chagaev also denied that his players received an extra terrifying incentive to play well during the next game, claiming that what happened in the dressing room did not involve guns, explaining that “you have to demand that they do their job well as they are professionals and I have great aspirations for Neuchatel Xamax."

Chagaev has not been slow in finding a successor for Caparrós, with Víctor Muñoz looking for a fresh Chechen experience having pulled out of a deal Russian outfit Terek Grozny to allow Ruud Gullit to take over the side.

He and his Spanish playing crew of Víctor Sánchez, David Navarro and Javier Arizmendi will now be looking to make it through the next round of matches unscathed in a footballing and very physical sense.

The match that Caparrós missed out on, Spain’s victory over Chile, broke the recent tradition of la Selección not really giving two hoots about friendlies, and also helped the ease the straining relations between the Barcelona and Real Madrid players in the squad. The warring factions united to go toe-to-toe with the Chile players in a brawl in the final seconds of the encounter.

“When we are all here we are all teammates and we defend La Selección” declared Cesc Fabregas, who scored two goals in the Swiss affair to continue a rather excellent spell since leaving Arsenal for the Camp Nou.

“We’re all fighting for the same cause and we’re all team mates, there’s no doubt whatsoever about that,” explained the other goalscorer Andrés Iniesta - words that will no doubt mean that José Mourinho will need to begin his mind-wiping, anti-Barça reprogramming process from scratch when his footballers return from Tuesday’s game against Liechtenstein.

Primera Transfer Guide: Rayo’s Forgotten Man and Madrid’s Misfits

2011-09-02T11:37:00Z

Our man in Spain, Tim Stannard, completes his run-down of the summer's transfer action from la Liga...

Mallorca
Michael Laudrup’s side hung on as long as they could to keep the want-away creative midfielder Jonathan De Guzman from going, but their desperately gripping fingers were stomped on by Villarreal’s big boots and the Dutchman moved to El Madrigal for €8 million on deadline day. At least De Guzman offered a goodbye present to the Mallorca fans with a goal and three points in the 1-0 weekend win against Espanyol.
Best signing - Alfaro

Osasuna
La Liga Loca has already caught sight of Osasuna’s most expensive purchase this season, Lamah - a midfielder bought from Le Mans for €1.5 million - and really enjoyed the cut of his jib in a cameo at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday. Aside from this potentially positive purchase it wasn’t a good window at all for Osasuna on the football front with Nacho Monreal and Javier Camuñas going, but at least the Navarrans did make a bit of cash in the process.
Best signing - Raúl García

Racing Santander
Like the two comrades in arms above them in this list, Racing are also penniless spending zero money over the summer and receiving nowt in return. The side from Santander’s only business on deadline day was to pick up central defender, Bernado, on loan from Sevilla. Hardly hats thrown into the air stuff really.
Best signing - Lautaro Acosta

Rayo Vallecano
The forgotten man of forgotten men in the shape of former Real Madrid defender, Raúl Bravo, was the only bit of deadline day business in the Workers Paradise of Vallecano. However, a few days before, the club did manage to pick up striker Dani Pacheco - on loan from Atlético and on loan from Liverpool - along with hamster-faced Espanyol legend, Raúl Tamudo.
Best signing - Raúl Tamudo

Real Madrid
A final tally of €55 million spent and just €7 million recouped reflects Real Madrid’s traditional strength when it comes to signing players they want but their problems in ditching their unwanted trash. Although cash was received for Ezequiel Garay and Sergio Canales, the club failed to get anything up front for Pedro León, Fernando Gago or Royston Drenthe, who moved on loan to Getafe, Roma and Everton respectively. Perhaps the strangest news on deadline day was Lassana Diarra staying with Madrid after reportedly turning down offers from Spurs and AC Milan despite apparently complaining that he wasn’t getting enough minutes under José Mourinho.
Best signing - Fabio Coentrao

Real Sociedad
In the end la Real managed to hold off the lusty advances of Atlético Madrid for French winger, Antoine Griezmann, who remains a Real Sociedad player at least until the rumours start up all over again on September 2nd. It was a quiet day all round in Anoeta summing up a slumbersome transfer window for la Real with just two new footballers coming to San Sebastian.
Best signing - Carlos Vela (not too many options, though)

Sevilla
There was no transfer day business for Sevilla, but it was a hectic summer for new manager, Marcelino, who cleaned out the Sánchez Pizjuán cupboards of 13 players including moldy old staples such as Renato, Drago, Ndri Romaric, Didier Zokora, Diego Capel, Mouhamadou Dabo and Lautaro Acosta. With Gary Medel and Ivan Rakitic joining over the winter window, just five players came in for a side that has already got the better of Málaga on the pitch.
Best signing - Probably Piotr Trochowski as he was free.

Sporting
A poor bit of business for Sporting saw Diego Castro moving to Getafe for free without an experienced replacement coming in. Fans would have hoped that a striker may have been bought on deadline day after the scoring problems Sporting had on the opening day in 2-1 defeat to Real Sociedad, but it was all quiet on the Asturian front in the end.
Best signing - Oscar Trejo

Valencia
Despite Racing carving up the Valencia defence on a number of occasions in their 4-3 loss on Saturday, Unai Emery had always planned to bring in a couple of defenders to balance the amount of attacking talent brought in over the summer. Sneaking in just before the window closed was Víctor Ruiz returning to la Liga after a tricky half season in Serie A for Napoli. Right back, Antonio Barrágan, also joined from second division Valladolid.
Best signing - Sergio Canales

Villarreal
LLL didn’t think Villarreal would make it into September with both Giuseppe Rossi and Nilmar on the Yellow Submarine books but they managed it. However, Santi Cazorla was sold to Málaga to help pay the bills - one of the few clubs in la Liga to adhere to such a concept. “Villarreal manage their economic commitments by selling top players. Others go into administration,” complained club president Fernando Roig. It wasn’t all bad news for Villarreal in the midfield department though as some of the Cazorla cash was spend on Jonathan De Guzman from Mallorca, with the Dutchman costing €8m.
Best signing - Jonathan De Guzman

Zaragoza
An €11.5m debt to current and former players and going into administration hasn’t stopped Zaragoza having some fun in the transfer market. This was thanks to an investment fund that is helpfully chipping in to pay for players, such as goalkeeper Roberto and Juan Carlos. The latter turned out to be a Sporting Braga player on loan to Zaragoza, much to everyone’s surprise when Sunday’s Real Madrid clash came around. Unfortunately, Zaragoza seem to be doing absolutely nothing to do the right thing elsewhere. “Their president (Agapito Iglesias) told me he would pay the debts. He’s not a man of his word,” said Spanish Players’ Union president, Luis Rubiales. Zaragoza were busy bees on deadline day with three players including Ikechukwu Uche shipping out and strikers, Helder Postiga and Espanyol’s Luis García moving in, with the latter being one of the most surprising transfers of the summer.
Best signing - Luis García

Part One: Atlético's overhaul & Barca's tasty buys

Primera transfer guide: Atlético's overhaul & Barca's tasty buys

2011-09-01T12:00:00Z

With the transfer window now closed, Tim Stannard assesses the wheeling and dealing of Spanish football's finest...

Atlético Madrid
A whopper of an overhaul of last season’s squad saw first teamers Kun Agüero, Diego Forlán, David de Gea and Tomas Ujfalusi moving out and nine new players coming in. Then there were a couple who were in-and-out in the space of a day, such as Liverpool's Dani Pacheco, who was immediately farmed out to Rayo Vallecano. Of the four players the hard-up Rojiblancos paid cold, hard cash for, Falcao looks the pick of the bunch although perhaps a little pricey at €40 million. But that’s the way that Porto seem to roll these days. The deadline day loan swoop for the off-kilter Diego from Wolfsburg could be a move worth watching too.
Best signing - Falcao

Athletic Bilbao
Marcelo Biesla has been left with a fairly small first team squad of just 19, though that's mainly down to the fact there isn’t exactly a huge global talent pool of Basque-tinged players out there for the Argentinean to chose from. Athletic’s prize purchase - and only purchase, to be fair - was made very early doors with Ander Herrera joining from Zaragoza. Expect youth-academy raiding ahoy, in the campaign to come.
Best signing - Ander Herrera

Barcelona
The sale of Zlatan Ibrahimovic - something AS managed to overlook in their calculations in Thursday’s edition - along with the flogging of Masia misfits Bojan and Jeffren sees Barcelona’s net spending for the summer in the region of €8 million. For that, Pep’s Dream Boys have picked up Cesc Fabregas and Alexis Sánchez - two players that already look tasty buys despite la Liga being just a week old. A central defender would have been handy, mind, if not for la Primera but the Champions League where there might actually be some stern opposition...
Best signing - Cesc Fabregas

Betis
With enormous debts owed to everyone - but especially former and current players - Betis have found it to hard to both attract and pay for footballers this summer. The Seville club’s best hope of beating the dreaded drop was the loan signing of Roque Santa Cruz from Manchester City. Aside from that, it was slim pickings in the transfer market for broke Betis.
Best signing - Roque Santa Cruz

Espanyol
A truly disastrous window for Espanyol sees the Pericos hoping to bring free agent Walter Pandiani back to the club at the grand old age of 35. There’ll be plenty of space in the dressing room when the Uruguayan is looking for a peg, with Luis García moving to Zaragoza on deadline day, following former striking partner Osvaldo out the door. With José Callejón joining Real Madrid, it’s been a transfer policy based more on financial concerns than football for poor Espanyol.
Best signing - slim pickings but Juan Albín

Getafe
Club president Angel Torres will be fairly happy with his summer’s dealings, having brought in 13 players and shipped out nine for an overall profit of €12 million. The final deal was done on the last day, with Pedro León returning to his former side on loan from Real Madrid with José Mourinho hoping the midfielder never darkens his doorstep again. Dani Güiza is another old boy going back to the Coliseum where he had a sensational spell between 2005 and 2007 along with some fine nights out in the Spanish capital.
Best signing - Pedro León

Granada
Some major changes were needed at Granada with the southern side hoping to survive the sharks in la Primera after back-to-back promotions. Five footballers have been brought in from Benfica, mostly on loan. The deadline day also saw former Zaragoza striker Ikechukwu Uche moving straight to Granada, having been bought by Villarreal in a strange but not untypical bit of business this summer.
Best signing - Ikechukwu Uche

Levante
Just €200,000 was spent by Levante this summer, with the club choosing to keep much of the €7.5 million from the sale of Felipe Caicedo - and quite wise too, with the Valencia-based side pocketing about 85p from the TV money pot this season, as Real Madrid and Barcelona fill their respective boots.
Best signing - Koné

Málaga
Despite an opening day defeat to Sevilla and possessing a giant novelty chequebook, Málaga decided against adding to the nine players and €56 million spent already this season with the club happy enough with their brand new toys.
Best signing - Santi Cazorla

Part Two: Rayo’s Forgotten Man and Madrid’s Misfits

Sevilla president slams 'prostituted, altered and corrupted' Primera

2011-08-31T09:15:00Z

Far from being concerned by the alarming and tedious ease with which Real Madrid and Barcelona waltzed into the top two spots of the league table after just one round of matches - Madrid didn’t clamber to these lofty heights until the fourth match-day last season - the cheerleading media in both cities are evidently delighted by the prospect of every single game this year resulting in five or six nil strolls for their clubs, with absolutely no pretense of competition at all.

Luís Mascaró, writing in Catalan daily Sport, sums up this head-in-the-sand attitude with his lip-smackingly enthused response to Madrid’s 6-0 win over Zaragoza and Barça’s five goal stomping of Villarreal - a Champions League side, let’s not forget - with a prediction that “the duel between the Whites and Blaugranas will be spectacular, exciting and close” - three adjectives that probably won’t describe the other 72 league games the two teams play over the coming months.

Marca are equally as thrilled about the next nine months and have picked through the evidence of Real Madrid’s Spanish Super Cup matches and demolition of the mighty Zaragoza to find seven exciting improvements from last year’s version of the paper’s masters from Mordor.

The insightful article reveals that Madrid are “an almost perfect machine” - aside from losing both Super Cup games - and gush over the fact that the new Real Madrid is faster, more precise, more intense and “more team”. LLL suspects the change is entirely down to Karim Benzema stepping away from the BBQ over the summer and occasionally turning his French frown upside down.

AS, meanwhile, are rather irked by the notion that Friday's European Super Cup win gives Barcelona more titles than Real Madrid, with the Catalan press claiming the score as 74 to 73 in the Camp Nou side's favour. Tuesday’s edition claims Barcelona’s Inter Cities European Fairs Cup trophies of 1958, 1960 and 1966 don’t count and gives a tedious history of the competition to explain why - an explanation that can probably be boiled down to the fact that Real Madrid didn’t win them. At the end of all this, the paper makes to the tally so far 73 to 71 in Madrid’s favour.

Meanwhile, it is the usual rabble-rousing duo of Sevilla president, José María del Nido and his counterpart at Villarreal, Fernando Roig, who are very much seeing the bigger picture in la Liga. The pair have been constantly vocal about the dangers of a two-tier league and the need for a more equal share in the TV revenues but are getting nowhere in the process.

Seeing his side get thrashed at the Camp Nou left Roig claiming that issues needed to be resolved in la Liga sometime soon or “we’ll kill Spanish football.” “If they want just two games, then have two games but it’s not good for football,” said the Villarreal owner.

Del Nido was even more forceful arguing that the Spanish league is “not the biggest mess in Europe, but in the world,” and wondered “how many fans there were tuned in after 30 minutes in the second half of Zaragoza against Real Madrid?

"Is there a fan out there who doesn’t say that the league is prostituted, altered and corrupted?” added the fuming Sevilla president.

If the Andalusian was reading the love shown towards this year’s version of la Liga by some of the papers this week, del Nido would discover that there are at least two...

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo’s Ben Stiller face & Soldado’s sexy Saturday

2011-08-30T09:44:00Z

Our man in Madrid Tim Stannard returns with his weekly round-up as another season of Primera Liga action finally gets underway...

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo
You can only imagine the Madrid man’s Ben Stiller-style scrunching face of fury as he watched Roberto Soldado bang in a hat-trick on Saturday to throw down a gauntlet of doom in the first game of the season - the same one the forward pulls when he can’t quite get his hair just-so, perhaps.

However, it was a happier, smilier one on Sunday night when the Portugal star grabbed his seventh hat-trick for Madrid in a demolition of Zaragoza that was impressive despite the opposition not being much cop, frankly.

Unlike Madrid's sluggish start to last season which began with a goalless draw against Mallorca, José Mourinho’s side have already scored as many goals in their first game as they did in the first five matches of last season. That maybe good news for Madridistas, but not exactly great for everyone else watching on and hoping for something other than 36 white washes this season and two battles against Barcelona.

Barcelona
La Liga Loca can count at least seven reasons for an enormous smug cloud hanging above Barcelona after Monday night’s 5-0 win over Villarreal - a cloud so dense and orifice-clogging it may lead to mass evacuations.

Leo Messi scored two goals to keep in touch with Ronaldo in the Pichichi chase. Cesc Fabregas looks like he has settled in very nicely, with an impressive league debut performance topped off with a goal. Fellow 'noob' Alexis Sánchez also popped up with a goal. Barcelona played very well against decent opposition without Xavi for the first 55 minutes of the game. Thiago scored one and set up two. Finally, Barça played with just three at the back with only one of those players being an out-and-out defender. Grab the gas masks and run for the hills!

Roberto Soldado
In the space of a year the Valencia forward has transformed from an ever-so-slightly gormless looking forward signed from Getafe to replace to David Villa, to ever-so-slightly gormless looking leading light for the Mestalla men. The striker, who once admitted that he liked to take care of business with the ladies after scoring a goal in the only way a real man can, had three reasons to get jiggy on Saturday night after a hat-trick against Racing gave Valencia a precarious 4-3 win in what was easily the best Primera game of the season (with just two matches gone at the time, mind).

Normally, this feat wouldn’t be a enormous surprise, as Soldado tends to score in spurts and Racing aren’t exactly very good these days. But the achievement of this weekend’s triple is that the former Real Madrid man’s second and third goals in the last three minutes turned the game on its head, and prevented angry cries of ‘Unai out!’ from the volatile Valencia fans, for the next two weeks at least. Instead, the Valencia boss has a fortnight to fix the leaks at the back before his side host Atlético. Then again, maybe the Valencia coach has a little bit longer than that judging by Sunday’s performance from the Rojiblancos...

Imanol Agirretxe
Some rather slack marking from Sporting gifted the 24-year-old forward two easy headers to give Philippe Montanier his first league win in charge of Real Sociedad. It’s a testament to a fine youth system - and complete lack of cash - that Agirretxe was one of seven home grown players who started for la Real - many with equally as impossible to spell names such as Illarramendi and Zurutuza.

Racing Santander
Yes, they may have lost 4-3 and yes, two goals might have been conceded in the last few minutes for another Héctor Cuper nightmare moment, but the side from Santander did manage to grab three in return - more or less the total LLL predicted for the whole campaign - and they actually looked pretty decent at times. New striker Lautaro Acosta, on loan from Sevilla, certainly seemed like a footballer who had been let of a leash of some kind - unsurprising after just seven league starts for his former club over the past three years.

Alvaro Negredo
With a shaved head and pulsating veins, the Sevilla striker is looking lean and mean these days and showed it with two clinical efforts against Málaga to let the upstart moneybags neighbours know who still wears the trousers in Andalusia.

Andrés Fernández
The Osasuna keeper began the day on the bench, but was brought on at the end of the first half and had a sensational match to help win Osasuna a very handy point indeed. The stand-in game-saver sums up the spirit in the Osasuna camp, where scrapping and fighting is the order of the day as defender Sergio, told LLL after the match. “We know that to win a game or get points we all have to play at 100% with every player giving everything. There’s going to be a group of about ten teams fighting not to go down. We have to fight every minute for every point up until the end and hope that everything goes well.”

Betis
A useful if unspectacular win for Betis at a ground where the Andalusians would have needed to pick up three points if they were to stay up this season, but there was still a sniff of second division fodder about the Seville side on Saturday night.

José María Movilla
It’s a result that will no doubt be far from the headlines but Rayo’s point against Athletic Bilbao in San Mamés was a magnificent one for the Madrid side. The scorer of the goal was the club captain Movilla, who has had to hold a squad together through promotion last season, broken promises over outstanding debts to the footballers over the summer and also a player strike in the camp. The equalising effort in Bilbao was a just reward for the 36-year-old midfielder.

Mallorca
“Tedious” was Marca’s sniffy sentence on Mallorca’s 1-0 win over Espanyol that came about from a deflected shot from Jonathan De Guzman. Michael Laudrup, for one, won’t really care about the judgement.

Bad Day

Atlético Madrid
Feels comforting to see the Rojiblancos back in the 'Bad Day' section doesn’t it? Like a lovely, snuggly blankie.

With Kun Agüero leading the line, Atleti would have enjoyed a comfortable 2-0 win against Osasuna, despite the fine performance from the aforementioned Andrés Fernández. Indeed, Falcao might have done the business, but a contract hiccup with Porto means that the Colombian forward is unable to play for his new team until 31st August.

However, the goalless draw was Atlético once again making life very difficult for themselves by chucking away silly points at the Vicente Calderón, which was still a lively, bustling place at midday on a Sunday, in a game the side did more than enough to win. Then again, Gregorio Manzano’s men very nearly lost it in the final seconds, so it could have been a heck of a lot worse for Atlético.

Manuel Pellegrini
It could have been a far more challenging Monday for the Málaga manager after Sunday’s loss at Sevilla. After all, Eduardo Inda could still have been in charge of Marca - a situation that would have seen the paper calling for the Chilean’s head after the opening day setback. Clearly, there’s a lot of work still to be done, but a look at some of the names on the team sheet is proof enough that the good times will surely be coming sooner rather than later at the club.

Athletic Bilbao
“Athletic was a confused team,” admitted Marcelo Biesla on his league debut for the Basque club after the poor 1-1 draw with Rayo Vallecano.

Sporting
First item on Manuel Preciado’s to-do list this week must be getting Sporting a proper striker. Well, it’s probably second behind trimming the old lip tickler. Or maybe third behind trimming the old lip tickler and having a good old swear to start the day. Either way, Sporting are going to struggle this season if they don’t get one, as the 2-1 home defeat to Real Sociedad showed.

Granada
The biggest survival lesson in la Primera has already been learned by Granada - getting players to throw themselves to the ground and look hopefully at the referee, as the home side did for much of the first half of Saturday night’s Betis clash. Although it’s early doors, there was not a lot on show to suggest that Granada’s stay in the top flight will be anything other than brief.

Espanyol
Mauricio Pochettino has about three days to find a replacement for the departed forward, Osvaldo, or it could be a painful season for the Pericos.

Zaragoza
There will be a very indifferent feeling in the Zaragoza camp this week, as the Aragonese side gets one of its four expected thrashings by Madrid and Barcelona this season out of the way early doors.

The Casillas-dropping, Güiza-welcoming weekend predictions

2011-08-26T09:18:00Z

Saturday

Sporting v Real Sociedad

After an epic late night session of Sergio Ramos proportions, the Spanish League (LFP) and Players’ Union (AFE) finally came to an agreement and gave each other a hearty back slap in the early hours of Thursday morning. After a couple of weeks of bickering, the LFP agreed to increase the size of payments into a slush fund to cover the debts owed to Spain’s footballers by clubs (Betis and Zaragoza for the most part) and thus peace was made.

The postponed first round of football from last weekend will now take place over the weekend of January 21st/22nd with the newly displaced round 20 now being moved into May just ahead of round 36.

This sees Sporting kicking off the ‘new’ new season in round two, while celebrating one of their players being called up to the Spanish squad for the first time in 13 years, with defender Alberto Botía one of six European U-21 champions joining Vicente Del Bosque’s senior squad for the upcoming games against Chile and Liechtenstein.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia v Racing Santander

“Juan Mata and Ariz Aduriz are not for sale” declared Valencia president Manuel Llorente at the beginning of July - a good six weeks before the whopping wonga of Chelsea was waved in front of the men from Mestalla to break one half of that promise.

But as Marca declare on Friday, it’s “goodbye Mata, hello Mata” for Valencia, with the Spanish club facing Chelsea in their Champions League group, along with Bayer Leverkusen and Genk. “It’s an attractive group because of the presence of the London team, but it’s also tough,” mused Unai Emery. “Of course, it’s going to be special for Valencia fans to see Juan in Mestalla in a shirt that isn’t Valencia’s.”

“I wish him all the luck in the world,” added the Valencia coach, “less so when he faces Valencia.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada v Betis

It won’t just be rival Primera fans flicking through their pre-season guides wondering who the heck the newbies for Granada are, but also the locals ahead of Saturday’s clash between a couple of freshly-promoted sides.

Granada have been busy transfer bees over the summer, with the incorporation of 16 new players. All 16 were expected to have come from Granada’s partner club, Udinese, but to date just two have joined from the Serie A outfit.

Betis have also been reasonably busy in the market, and have managed to attract nine new players despite holding the shameful position of the club that owes most money to its present and past players, the princely sum of €18m - a total that includes €2m to Caffa and €1.6 to Sergio García. Indeed, it could be argued that the Seville side are single-handedly responsible for last weekend’s AFE strike.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Atlético Madrid v Osasuna

Three eye-opening events occurred in the life of Atlético Madrid over the past week. The first was the €40 million paid to Porto for Falcao - players from that particular Portuguese side tend to cost a little bit more than everyone else for some reason. Secondly, the decision of the Colombian to miss out on Champions League football (and the glamour of facing Shakhtar Donetsk, Zenit and APOEL...) with Porto in favour of another year of Europa League action and an eighth-place finish in la Primera for Atlético.

Still, it could have been worse for Falcao, as the third curious event of the Rojiblanco week took place on Thursday, when Atlético sensationally managed not to balls up their campaign by winning 4-0 away at Guimaraes to progress to the Europa League group stages with a 6-0 aggregate victory.

Falcao is going to have to make sure he gets a nice early night on Saturday ahead of the forward’s league debut, as Sunday’s kick-off time is at the blog-happy time of midday, as Atlético and la Liga try to tickle the fancies of the Asian market.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao v Rayo Vallecano

Athletic should have been facing Trabzonpsor in Turkey on Thursday in their Europa League qualifier, but caught a break when their opponents were promoted to the Champions League due to the alleged match-fixing naughtiness of Fenerbahce, who were kicked out of the competition, to leave the Basque side a nice, free passage, as it were.

Rayo had their first piece of good news in about three months with the announcement that free agent Raúl Tamudo, and his 136 Primera goals, would be joining the People’s Republic of Vallecas for the season.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca v Espanyol

Having travelled without permission to Italy for “personal reasons” last week, it was no real surprise to discover that Perico striker Osvaldo had signed for Roma for a whopping €18.5m - €10m for the player, €2m for the tattoos, and €6.5 for reasons that the blog cannot fathom, with the Argentine / Italian being fantastically overrated.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe v Levante

A joyous occasion at the Coliseum on Sunday with Dani “the night confuses me” Güiza making a triumphant return to a club where he once rang president Angel Torres in the early hours of the morning looking for directions home, and was put onto a liquid diet to calm a booze-tossed tummy. Sunday’s game is also a special one for Getafe boss Luis García who faces the club he left over the summer.

That side, Levante, have also pulled off a bit of a coup by signing up Sevilla striker Koné on loan for a year to fill the space left by the departing Felipe Caicedo in what LLL suspects may be one of the handiest transfers of the season.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza v Real Madrid

A particularly gossip-ridden week in the Madridista world despite the club only having its annual Santiago Bernabeu trophy game to occupy themselves. It began with the rumours and denials that José Mourinho would be leaving Mordor and ended with the theory that captain Iker Casillas had been dropped for Wednesday’s friendly game against Galatasaray.

This punishment is thought to be the result of phone calls reportedly made by the Madrid man to Xavi and Carles Puyol in an attempt to patch up relations between his side and Barcelona - a concept Mourinho isn’t really a fan of, although The Eye-Poking One denied Casillas was benched. “He can call whoever he likes,” said Mourinho.

Oh, and just when everyone things were back to normal in la Liga after the strike, Sunday’s clash between Zaragoza and Madrid may not be televised due to a dispute between the home team and a TV company over an unpaid debt. So, in a sense, everything is back to normal in la Liga.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla v Málaga

La Liga Loca’s pre-season prediction of a glorious fourth place finish come May for Sevilla took another step of coming true with the Andalusians managing to knock themselves out of Europe after a loss over two legs to Hannover, leaving their midweeks largely free for rest and relaxation for the next 12 months. Sevilla’s bigwigs seem less pleased with the result, though.

“It’s a strong blow,” admitted coach, Marcelino, after a defeat that forced his president, José María del Nido, to issue a statement of confidence to the Sevilla supporters. “Our objective is still Champions League qualification. In our first year under Juande Ramos, we were knocked out by Cadiz in the cup but we still went on to win the UEFA cup.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Monday

Barcelona v Villarreal

Barça find themselves in the Monday night dead zone spot normally reserved for the dearly-departed Deportivo due to their European Super Cup clash against Porto on Friday night.

Their opponents are Villarreal, a team whose celebrations at successfully fighting their way through to the Champions League were cut short when they ended up in the group of doom alongside Bayern Munich, Manchester City and Napoli. “There was an Englishman, a German and an Italian,” began a defeatist Javi Mata writing in Friday’s AS in response to the draw. “Although it seems like a joke, it’s a joke in bad taste.”

“We’re undoubtedly in the hardest group, it’s tough but we’ll fight to the end,” promised Villarreal president, Fernando Roig.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mourinho out, then back in, as Supercopa squabble investigation looms

2011-08-24T10:07:00Z

La Liga Loca must admit that it is currently strutting about in the good old US of A and enjoying five successive days of breakfast buffets and maple syrup-drenched bacon yummy goodness, and is therefore catching all the news from la Liga in one giant, seven hour-delayed data-burst.

And what an dramatic day Tuesday turned out to be, with headlines of “Mourinho quits!” “Mourinho doesn’t quit!” “Mourinho apologises for being a classless tool!” “Mourinho doesn’t apologise for being a classless tool!” bursting through the this blogger’s phone browser.

The first story began with a rumour that Mourinho had once again felt a lack of support from his bosses after the Supercopa eye-poke and wanted to leave through the back gates of Mordor, ignoring the fact he had gotten his immediate superior, Jorge Valdano, fired over the summer and that no Madrid suit was ever going to agree that it’s perfectly acceptable to jab someone in the eye without some kind of prior warning...

The rumour spread through Spain in earnest after a message detailing Mourinho’s high huffiness levels was apparently issued by the Portuguese’s advisor/spokesman, Eladio Paramés, thus giving it some credibility. However, the message came from a phone that Paramés claims he hasn’t used for a year and was not a genuine one.

The story forced Mourinho to publish a sprightly, exclamation mark-dominated message on the club’s website denying he was leaving Madrid.

Jose invites Vilanova to 'come and have a go if he thinks he's hard enough'

“There is no way I am leaving. No way!” yelled the Special One’s special letter, which boasted of his Madridismo being greater than “some pseudo Madridistas.” The memo then offered what came as a complete surprise to LLL - an apology for his behaviour in the Supercopa. Well, sort of...

The Madrid manager sounded like he was completely stark-raving mad by bleating that “some people are better adapted to the hypocrisy in football than I am, and they hide their faces and speak in whispers deep inside tunnels.” Tito Vilanova obviously didn’t hide his face well enough, it would seem.

It turned out to be a busy day in the club’s media department, as the poor office minion who must often find himself asking “you really want me to publish this? Really?” had to repeat his question when the club published a paranoid rant of a statement in response to the announcement that the RFEF would be investigating the antics of both José Mourinho and Tito Vilanova during the Supercopa clash.

“Real Madrid CF wished to express how surprised it is to see this investigation is being ordered five days after the match, curiously just a few hours after the President of FC Barcelona demanded the Spanish Football Federation take action,” read the tin-foil hat-wearing club's statement, before plumping for the “they started it” defence by blaming Barça for “humiliations, insults and aggressions” against the players and coaching team on the pitch and in the tunnel.

Florentino Pérez must now be desperately hoping the currently stalled talks over the players’ strike somehow become unstuck before the weekend, as the football-free news agenda is merely causing the Supercopa stink to go on and on and on and on. Although, as the head of the institution, Pérez must surely be shouldering some of the blame.

How do you solve a problem like Mourinho?

2011-08-23T08:00:00Z

Those football fans in Spain unable to stay up to the ludicrous time of one in the morning last Wednesday to see Spain’s Supercopa second leg clash, but who wanted to catch up with all the net-busting action on the state broadcaster’s 24-hours news channel RTVE, would have seen some shocking sights from the Camp Nou over their ham and cornflakes the next day.

There was poor José Mourinho in slow-mo action being smacked around the side of the head by nasty old Barcelona assistant coach, Tito ‘Pito’ Vilanova, in a scandalously unprovoked attack. Fortunately, the Special One was true to his gentlemanly nature and refused to respond to the cowardly Catalan attack by retreating to his corner with a smile.

Of course, that was all bunkum, with Mourinho being the real trouble-maker, kicking things off with a cheeky pinch to Vilanova. But some RTVE viewers wouldn’t have known that, after a bit of creative editing which completely changed the story in Madrid’s favour and forced Barcelona to draft a stern letter of complaint in response.

Despite state television doing their best to portray Mourinho as the victim of the whole affair, that argument - like Sergio Busquets after a gust of wind - was never going to get off the ground any time soon. So, with football absent from the weekend’s sports agenda, the repercussions of the Camp Nou chaos have rumbled on in the papers’ opinion pages instead.

The condemnation from the Barcelona press has been predictably forceful, with Sport’s Luís Mascaró fuming that “Madrid and their media cavern [...] have used manipulation to try and defend the indefensible.” Even the Catalan arm of the channel in question called out their brothers in the Spanish capital for what they saw as 'manipulation'.

Mourinho’s behaviour in yet another defeat to Barcelona was so appalling that even Marca didn't bother trying to support the Madrid man after the event. “Mourinho knows what the coach of Madrid represents and this is not part of the roll,” wrote Santiago Segurola in Saturday’s edition, “he behaved like a little boy, incapable of accepting defeat.” The paper’s leading writer put some of the blame on Florentino Pérez for failing to control his coach and noted that “recent times have given the impression of a president who has given up considerable power.”

Marca even tried being Mourinho’s apologist by running a story claiming the Madrid manager had split into personalities, Superman II style, to argue that “José Mourinho is not happy with José Mourinho.” Which version climbs out of the car crusher at the end of their final duel will be interesting to see.

AS at least tried to chuck some muck in Barcelona by moaning that a Leo Messi ‘talking’ hand gesture towards the Madrid bench after his winner was ‘disrespectful’, but in the end in was a half-hearted effort.

The most remarkable aspect of a remarkable event is that Mourinho looks like escaping without punishment from an action that would see some kind of legal ramifications were you to perform it on someone in the office canteen or a fellow consumer in the queue at Starbucks.

This is mainly because Barcelona have decided not to take the matter any further, with club president Sandro Rosell claiming Tito Vilanova wanted to forget the whole thing and that the club wanted to “end this atmosphere of antagonism.” LLL wonders if Real Madrid would have taken the same path had Pep Guardiola sauntered over from his bench to kick Aitor Karanka in the nuts...

Mourinho’s actions will no doubt fade from memory, but the Madrid manager has already set the tone for the season - either accidentally or deliberately. The nastiness levels between Barcelona and Real Madrid have already been cranked up another notch from last year.

Not only is that likely to lead to a fairly poisonous ten months in the media, but it could also further damage the spirit in the Spain camp, with Málaga’s Santi Cazorla warning that currently “the situation is at the limit.” When Gerard Pique warned that Mourinho was “destroying Spanish football” after last week's clash, the Barça stopper wasn’t just talking about la Liga, but it would appear the national team too.

The only person capable of reigning José Mourinho in is Florentino Pérez. However, the Madrid president has put himself in the position of ceding all power to his manager having fired Jorge Valdano, Madrid’s former Director General, over the summer, leaving him in the uncomfortable situation of having to turn a blind eye to Mourinho’s antics until the end of the season, while praying to the powers that be that his side win either the Champions League or la Liga in order to excuse the behaviour of his out-of-control coach.

The Great Season Preview 5/5: Sporting to Zaragoza

2011-08-19T10:15:00Z

Sporting
Last Season 10th
Prediction 10th
LLL has a sneaky feeling that Manuel Preciado’s sixth season in charge in Gijon is going to be his most comfortable one, with no repetition of last year’s relegation and flirtation with getting well and truly fired. This does mean, of course, that Sporting are set to finish bottom of the pile, with the blog’s curse now firmly planted upon the club.

Diego Castro and José Angel have moved on; coming in to replace the former is Oscar Trejo, who definitely looked lively at Rayo last year on a loan spell from Mallorca. LLL suspects that another striker may be on the way, but it's a settled squad for Sporting this year with a coach they love to bits.
FFT Travel Guide: Sporting Gijon

Valencia
Last Season 3rd
Prediction 3rd
Valencia have already been declared by the blog to have been the shrewdest summer spenders, with some cracking attacking talent signed up such as Sergio Canales and Pablo Piatti.As well as these two forward players there’s also Roberto Soldado, who may well fancy his chances of sneaking into the Spain squad this season, although there is a bit of a queue in front of the former Getafe man.

The club is still likely to be a little off its trolly, what with Miguel still in the ranks and supporters always willing to get their hankies out for a wave of disgust at a moment’s notice. Heck, if things really go well for Valencia this season they may even be able to lay a brick or two at the new stadium, which has remained untouched for the past couple of years.
FFT Travel Guide: Valencia

Villarreal
Last Season 4th
Prediction 7th
It breaks the blog’s delicate little heart to say so, but there may be trouble ahead for Villarreal. The squad has been weakened with the departure of Santi Cazorla, a crucial figure for both his brilliant forward play and his cheeky-chappy smile. LLL would not be at all surprised if either Giuseppe Rossi or Nilmar are also sold off with the club still a selling one at the right price.

Villarreal’s slight drop down the table from last season’s position isn’t just due to transfers this summer, but the fact that Málaga and Sevilla have strengthened considerably to overhaul the Yellow Submarine – and leave them potentially out of the European places come May.
FFT Travel Guide: Villarreal

Zaragoza
Last Season 13th
Prediction 15th
It isn’t exactly nice to say this in respect for the club’s long-suffering fans but LLL would be ecstatic if Zaragoza were to pick up zero points this season and go down in flames. The club has been – ahem – creative in its accounting in recent months and managed to put itself into administration over the summer to avoid any punishments for failure to pay players both former and present.

According to a report in AS, that outstanding total stands at €13.5m, so LLL would be intrigued to know about the moral and financial hi-jinks required to be able to sign a goalkeeper for €9m as Zaragoza did with Roberto.

The club’s key strength is their coach, Javier Aguirre, who will do anything to get a victory and will squeeze everything out of his squad. Despite Zaragoza losing Gabi and Ander Herrera from the midfield, there is still enough talent kicking about to survive the season, but it could be a close call – like an awful lot of teams in la Primera this year.
FFT Travel Guide: Real Zaragoza

The Predicted Table in Full
1. Barcelona
2. Real Madrid
3. Valencia
4. Sevilla
------------
5. Málaga
6. Athletic Bilbao
------------
7. Villarreal
8. Atlético Madrid
9. Getafe
10. Sporting
11. Osasuna
12. Espanyol
13. Zaragoza
14. Mallorca
15. Levante
16. Betis
17. Real Sociedad
------------
18. Racing Santander
19. Granada
20. Rayo Vallecano

Previous previews:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis
Espanyol, Getafe, Granada, Levante
Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander
Rayo Vallecano, Real Madrid, Real Sociedad, Sevilla

The Great Season Preview 4/5: Rayo Vallecano to Sevilla

2011-08-18T11:14:00Z

Rayo Vallecano
Last Season 2nd in Segunda
Prediction 20th (relegated)
Having enjoyed the festivities in Rayo’s peculiar three-sided stadium for the promotion party and the subsequent booze-up in Vallecas, it would be fantastic if the blog could predict a glorious return to top-flight football for the side. But that simply isn’t going to be the case. Instead, it’s going to be an awful, forgettable season for the People’s Republic of Rayo.

The club is still in a dreadful mess off the pitch with footballers who had gone up to 14 months without pay then being asked to take 70% less than the imaginary salary they were supposed to be earning previously. At time of writing, there is still a dispute over cash between the administrators and Rayo’s manager and sporting director; both key staff members could leave the club at the start of the season.

This lack of beans to rub together sees Rayo’s squad desperately thin and completely lacking the quality to stay in the top flight. Once-buoyant supporters are now truly despondent on the eve of the season when they should be giddy and gay; most are just hoping that the damage that Rayo are about to suffer over the next nine months isn’t too horrifying.
FFT Travel Guide: Rayo Vallecano

Real Madrid
Last Season 2nd
Prediction 2nd
LLL has already shown its goods and tipped Barcelona to win the title once again, but it really is by a margin of 50.0000001 and 49.something equally as small between the two sides. José Mourinho has seen that it doesn’t really matter how Madrid perform in the two league games against Barcelona in the campaign to come, but how they go in the other 36 matches.

Accordingly, Mourinho has beefed up the squad with two tasty players in each position (and Kaká); this is especially the case with the purchase of Fabio Coentrao for the previously Marcelo-reliant left flank. For Madrid, it’s all about keeping constant pressure on Barcelona by not dropping points to the likes of Mallorca, Levante, Almería, Zaragoza, Osasuna and Zaragoza and Sporting – the places where Mourinho came a cropper last season, albeit due to the obvious and enormous Spanish FA/UEFA/refereeing conspiracy against his club.

Having forced former Director General and sparring partner Jorge Valdano from the club, The Special One really has no-one else to blame if Madrid fail to deliver this year – aside from the aforementioned refs, fixture computer, opposition referees, ball boys, weather forecasters, coach drivers...
FFT Travel Guide: Real Madrid

Real Sociedad
Last Season 15th
Prediction 17th
LLL feels in its milky waters that the season is going to be a poor one for La Real after an occasionally sparky but eventually fraught campaign last year. The club took the somewhat bizarre decision to sack Martin Lasarte – who took the team up to la Primera and kept them there – and replaced him with a newcomer to la Liga.

French coach Philippe Montanier has built up a reputation for doing great things with modest teams, such as his last side Valenciennes, and has snuck across the border to try his luck in Spain. Marca hopefully predict that la Real will be a fun, attacking team to watch this year, but there have been very few changes to the squad over the summer. Raúl Tamudo has gone, among others, with three B-teamers being promoted and Carlos Vela brought in on loan to cover the gap.

Real Sociedad’s best hope to avoid the drop is hang on to promising French winger Antoine Griezmann, pray that Xavi Prieto performs once again as the side’s playmaker and that Joseba Llorente can stay injury free and perhaps grab 15 goals to keep la Real up.
FFT Travel Guide: Real Sociedad

Sevilla
Last Season 5th
Prediction 4th
Sevilla may have finished fifth last year, but it was a campaign where the club completely lost the plot and strayed off the path of righteousness. Club president José María Del Nido has realised this and allowed sporting director Monchi to completely rejig the squad.

The changes begin with the manager: former Racing Santander coach Marcelino has been brought in to add some verve, enthusiasm and fantastic duffel coats. The midfield is going to be the most interesting development area, with departing Didier Zokora and Diego Capel leaving a tussle for places between Jesus Navas, Ivan Rakitic, Diego Perotti and newbies Piotr Trochowski and Manu del Moral.

LLL is expecting a serene Sevilla for the first time in yonks and Alvaro Negredo to have his best season yet. When the side were playing badly, Sevilla came fifth. Playing well, fourth spot is looking very likely indeed.
FFT Travel Guide: Sevilla

Previous previews:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis
Espanyol, Getafe, Granada, Levante
Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander

The Great Season Preview 3/5: Málaga to Racing Santander

2011-08-17T12:56:00Z

Málaga
Last Season - 11th
Prediction - 5th
To be in the Champions League or to be in the Europa League, that is the question for Málaga this season after a summer splurge of some €58 million on nine new players. The best of the bunch is Santi Cazorla - a real sturdy statement of intent from the club - although the appointment of Fernando Hierro as Director General and the extended contract given to manager Manuel Pellegrini should not be underestimated.

The Málaga squad is nicely balanced, with the newbies set to fit in well some old hats such as Duda and Apoño, although how quickly the side’s Chilean manager finds his favoured starting eleven is key with an awful lot of options in an impressive squad now.

LLL senses Málaga may not quite have enough porridge in the bowl for the Champions League places, but a fifth-placed spot is more than doable and won’t be a bad feat at all, especially if the club is genuine in his mantra of looking for long-term growth and success.
FFT Travel guide: Malaga

Mallorca
Last Season - 17th
Prediction - 14th
Mallorca still have that blood-pooping, glassy-eyed, coffin-dodging 25-year-old family mutt look about them, but somehow the Balearic side are limping along, clinging to life and still trying to chase very slow-moving cars. The usual fire sale of talent hasn’t materialised this summer, but this is largely because there was no-one decent left to flog, aside from midfielder Jonathan De Guzman who may be a goner by the time you read this blog.

The one footballer that Mallorca are going to miss is striker Pierre Webo, who has been the side’s most reliable goalscorer in recent seasons but ended a four-year associationg with the club over the summer in the biggest of huffs.

Michael Laudrup is doing his trumpet-blowing duty by claiming that the club is “better than last season” - a campaign that very nearly ended in relegation on the final day, despite having been in mid-table comfort for much of the year. Overall, the year is going to be a tough one for Mallorca despite Laudrup’s admirable optimism.
FFT Travel guide: Mallorca

Osasuna
Last Season - 9th
Prediction - 11th
Every season, LLL fears in its tummy that it might be the last one for Osasuna in la Primera, but each time everything seems to turn out all right for the Pamplona club who relied on the biggest of spurts at the end of the last campaign to survive.

There have been a few key departures in the Osasuna squad, with nut-job striking pair Walter Pandiani and Carlos Aranda moving on, while forward player Javier Camuñas made a €2.3 million move to Villarreal in one of the more curious transfers of the summer. José Luis Mendilibar, starting his first season with the club, has also seen his defence weakened with the loss of fullback, Nacho Monreal, to Málaga.

The words “Raul García” never normally inspire confidence, but the former Atlético Madrid midfielder is set to return on loan to his home club after a four year spell in the Vicente Calderón to help out with another survival battle.

La Primera without Osasuna is like Víctor Váldes not being a complete tool - unthinkable and half as much fun, so LLL is gamely predicting a decent enough campaign for the Northerners this year.
FFT Travel guide: Osasuna

Racing Santander
Last Season - 12th
Prediction - 18th (relegated)
As LLL likes to throw at least one prediction into the mix that deep down it knows will turn out to be wrong (last season, it was Athletic Bilbao to finish fourth) it is going for Racing to go down. The financial disaster which was the ‘buy-out’ by Ali Syed saw the club beginning the administration process over the summer and leaves the club completely skint and with a threadbare, demoralised squad that could only grab a goalless draw against an Italian Serie C club at the beginning of the month.

Racing have lost loan signings, Markus Rosenberg and Giovani dos Santos, and it is hard to see where the goals are going to come this year to keep the club in la Primera. Héctor Cúper is the manager unlucky enough to be in charge of this rabble for the season to come, although LLL feels in its water that the Argentinean will be the first to be fired, especially with Racing facing Valencia, Atlético and Real Madrid in their first five games.
FFT Travel guide: Racing Santander

The Great Season Preview 2/5: Espanyol to Levante

2011-08-16T11:41:00Z

Espanyol
Last Season - 8th
Prediction - 12th
An odd campaign for Espanyol last season saw the Pericos duking it out with the big boys for the first half the year - over-performing enormously in the process - before flopping and flapping away like Angel di María in the second, largely due to the sale of the defence in the winter transfer window.

The cash-strapped club has been forced into flogging yet more wares with the flat-topped José Callejón joining Real Madrid and the potential sale of striker Osvaldo being a daily theme in the very, very back pages of the Spanish press.

This may leave the Perico squad a little thin, but there is certainly a big enough chunk of young talent around to leave Espanyol with a season which may be fairly uneventful in the grand scheme of things, but it should nonetheless be comfortable.
FFT Travel guide: Espanyol

Getafe
Last season - 16th
Prediction - 9th
The cash-splashing Team Dubai Getafe concept has yet to kick in gear - if it ever will - despite club president Angel Torres promising last season that the club would not have to sell €20 million of talent each summer to balance the books. Torres was partly correct, with Getafe merely selling €18.3 million of talent to balance the books and spending €3 million on one player, Real Madrid Castilla’s strop-meister Pablo Sarabia, and a gaggle of free-transfer signings.

However, some of those newcomers are actually shrewd moves, especially Diego Castro from Sporting and the Deportivo pair of Juan Rodríguez and Alberto Lopo, although this may lead to an awful lot of goalless draws in the new campaign. Getafe still desperately need a striker, and there are funds to cover this it seems with Bojan nearly being snapped up during the summer.

Arguably Getafe’s best move is the signing up of former Levante boss Luis García, who has the nasty whip-cracking streak lacking in predecessor Michel to get the best out of the Getafe squad and avoid a season like the last one which came alarmingly close to ending in relegation.
FFT Travel guide: Getafe

Granada
Last season - Play off winners from second division
Prediction - 19th (relegated)
La Liga Loca is not too proud to admit it hasn’t the tiniest of clues how Granada are going to do in their first season back in the top flight since 1976, when Spain was still making its tiniest baby gurgles and nappy-poops as a democracy. Therefore, LLL is going for the default prediction of relegation on the grounds that what the blog doesn’t understand, it fears and wants to destroy.

Granada, despite still being in administration from an earlier regime, have piggybacked off a connection with Udinese, using loan deals with the Italian side to achieve back-to-back promotions to la Primera, Norwich City-style. As it stands today though, just two players have moved over from the Serie A club with seven returning to Italy from last season’s squad.

They look like they are planning to make their moves in the transfer market late on and there is cash to spend, but jumping from the dead zone of third tier football in Spain to the top flight in just a couple of seasons - despite Racing Santander knocking about la Primera - may be a little bit to much for the Andalusian outfit.

Levante
Last Season - 14th
Prediction - 15th
The main point to make about Levante is that the team’s two pillars of footballing rock which saw them avoid the drop after an incredible second half of the season, striker Felipe Caicedo and coach Luis García, are both gone like Greased Lightening. The former Manchester City forward has joined Lokomotiv Moscow for €7.5 million, while García has taken his “Motivational Exercises for Dummies” book to Getafe.

In his place comes Juan Ignacio Martínez from Cartagena and a Cylon-fleeing rag-tag bunch of freebies and loan signings, such as Francisco Farinós and Carlos Aranda. What still seems to be in place though, despite a fair amount of change, is Levante’s fighting spirit. Quite literally in one case, with a pre-season friendly against NAC Breda having to be abandoned after 57 minutes due to a mass brawl. This desire to keep up the good fight in la Primera will see Levante through once again, but it’s going to be a might close call come May.
FFT Travel guide: Levante

The Great Season Preview 1/5: Athletic Bilbao to Betis

The Great Season Preview 1/5: Athletic Bilbao to Betis

2011-08-15T12:56:00Z

Athletic Bilbao
Last Season 6th
Prediction 6th
A change of president at Athletic during the summer produced a change of coach. Argentinian loon Marcelo Bielsa replaces the rather hard-done-by Andalusian loon Joaquín Caparrós, which is a bit of a shame.

But, there may still be some fun to be had for LLL at Bielsa’s expense with the former Argentina and Chile manager bringing his years of managerial experience – and his Larry Grayson-style old-lady glasses – back to Spain after the briefest of spells in charge of Espanyol in 1998.

Bielsa has made the enticing promise to ‘stimulate’ the fans in the stands with high pressure, 4-3-3 attacking football rather than the more physical but nonetheless effective 4-4-2 ‘Hail Mary’ style that has flourished in recent years. The hope must be though that the side doesn’t become too fancy-pants and ruin Athletic’s hard-earned role as la Liga’s version of a wet November night in Stoke.

The arrival of Spain U-21 midfielder Ander Herrera from Zaragoza to support Javi Martínez, Iker Muniain and Fernando Llorente – whose name has been mercifully absent from the transfer speculation this summer – should push Athletic to another top six finish.
FFT Travel guide: Athletic Bilbao

Atlético Madrid
Last Season 7th
Prediction 8th
Whatever LLL predicts will be in store for an erratic Atlético Madrid, the club tends to do the opposite. The blog was bigging up a solid campaign for the Rojiblancos last year and it turned out to be soggier than a biscuit at David Cameron’s prep school.

With David De Gea, Kun Agüero and Tomás Ujfalusi all departing, Atlético are weaker than last year. However, the plus side for the club is that although Gregorio Manzano may not be the most excitable of managerial presences either on the bench or in the dressing room, the Atlético coach is very good at getting the best out of average players – something that could be useful with former Deportivo striker Adrián potentially leading the line with Diego Forlán, if a suitable replacement can’t be found for Kun.

Although Quique Sánchez Flores achieved all that he could at an institutional basket-case of a club, the former boss was a fiery fella, so Atlético may benefit from the no alarms and no surprises approach of Manzano. However, the players will need to over-perform if they are to make the top six this year, which must surely be the club’s objective.
FFT Travel guide: Atletico Madrid

Barcelona
Last Season 1st
Prediction 1st
The three newbies joining Pep’s Dream Boys are enough to make competitors in Madrid and Manchester weep with frustration. What was an already brilliant – if not slightly small – squad has been enhanced with the arrival of Alexis Sánchez, who may give little Leo Messi’s legs a rest from time to time, and the surprise purchase of Cesc Fabregas with Barça pretty much catching everyone off guard by nicking the midfielder off Arsenal.

The promotion of Thiago from the ‘B’ team after a fine summer with Spain U21s is another reason to think that Barça will be making it a fourth title win in a row. The same argument could apply to Real Madrid, who have also bought well, but the race this year isn’t really about who is better than the other in a head-to-head to encounter, but which team has the most consistency during the other 36 matches of the season. In this particular department, Barça are still a little bit ahead of Madrid, but it’s going to be mighty close.

Unless it’s a 20-point difference, of course.
FFT Travel guide: Barcelona

Betis
Last Season 1st in Segunda
Prediction 16th
LLL wouldn’t be at all surprised if one point separates 17th and 10th this season, so it has lumped Betis in for a finish just above the relegation zone – simply because there fill probably be four teams worse than the Seville side, who are making a very welcome return to the top flight after a two-year absence.

Betis are still in a huge mess financially and in administration, which is why just two players have so far been brought in for cash. Furthermore the club have chosen to sell influential midfielder Achille Emaná, a footballer who has been hugely important for Betis over the years.

One advantage the club has is its fans, who will love being back in la Primera. Another is the kind fixture list that sees Betis playing Granada, Mallorca and Zaragoza in the first five matches - a fine chance to put some lead in the newly promoted club’s pencil at the beginning of the campaign.
FFT Travel guide: Real Betis

Why Spain’s footballers are right to strike

2011-08-12T13:09:00Z

Strike threats are not that unusual in Spanish football; there have been two in the past eight months.

The first came in December from the Players’ Union (AFE) over salary payment issues for its members. This was followed by a threat at the end of the season from the Spanish League (LFP), which wanted to pressurise the government into a law change making every match in the weekend schedule pay-per-view.

Although both strikes were eventually blocked by the courts, there was always the feeling that the threats were merely point-making bluster from both groups. This is not the case with Thursday’s strike call from the AFE which would postpone the first two rounds of la Liga, on August 20/21 and 27/28, over a dispute with LFP concerning a salary fund to cover the non-payment of players’ wages.

“Clearly this is no small threat, it’s very serious,” admitted Spain’s secretary of sport Albert Soler, who called for dialogue between the two sides to continue. “I can tell you and assure you that we will not play,” confirmed a resolute Iker Casillas after the strike threat was made.

At the moment, there is a serious impasse after three months of talks over a renewed agreement between the two parties. AFE president Luis Rubiales says that the €40m offered by the LFP for a fund to cover the salaries of footballers who are not paid by their clubs is insufficient and that strike action is the only way that this point can be made.

“There won’t be any football until a new deal is signed,” said Rubiales at an announcement where he was flanked by 100 footballers including Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Fernando Llorente and Carles Puyol. “We don’t want more money, but that contracts are kept,” said the AFE president, claiming that Spain was “bottom of the pile” in Europe in terms of players’ rights.

LFP president José Luis Astiazarán, who himself lead a strike threat in May, argued that “I don’t understand the reason for the strike; I don’t think the AFE have reasons at the moment to call it.” Astiazarán claims that up to €70m has been offered to a fund, with €30m for three years retroactively and more for the remaining four years of the agreement.

The response from the AFE was that this is only €40m in real terms and that the debt to footballers in la Liga currently stands at €50m owed to 200 players: “We only want that everyone can enjoy a healthy competition where footballers are treated equally from one team to another.”

It’s a case supported by the fact that six of this year’s Primera sides are in an administration process. Footballers for newly-promoted Rayo Vallecano, for example, are only just starting to receive a chunk of the money owed to them after some players went 14 months without pay.

The LFP argue that there simply isn’t the cash to give the AFE what it demands and that talks must continue. “How can the LFP share what it doesn’t have?” argued the League’s president.

Should the strike go ahead then the action would be devastating to a fixture list which is already stuffed due to midweek league games, Copa Del Rey contests, European fixtures and international matches. It would almost certainly require the cancellation of the Christmas break, something that the AFE would not be in favour of either.

AS call the potential strike “a disaster” while Marca urge caution and warn the AFE that it “must understand that the strike has an impact across all sectors.”

Emilio Pérez de Rozas in Sport laments the mismanagement of Spanish football that sees clubs with a collective debt of €3.5 billion with €694m owed to the tax man. “What’s most amazing is that the head [of the LFP] is the same person who ruined Real Sociedad,” says the Sport columnist on former la Real president Astiazarán, quoting a report by administrators attacking the accounting standards of the club under his presidency. “This gentleman is the man chosen by the clubs to lead Spanish football.”

The strike called by the AFE will undoubtedly cause disruption and disappointment for fans both in Spain and those who planned to travel from abroad to see la Liga. However, the situation is so serious that the footballers have little option. “Year after year, there are a lot of players without pay and promises must be fulfilled,” says Málaga coach Manuel Pellegrini.

The strike’s cause doesn’t concern the likes of Iker Casillas or Carles Puyol, who have given it their whole-hearted backing, so much as their less fortunate colleagues in la Primera – and more especially in the second and third tier of football, where wages, when they actually arrive, are already low.

The wholesale mismanagement of Spanish football and incompetent use of resources should not result in footballers being unable to afford the petrol to get to training – as happened with Rayo Vallecano last season. The strike will probably result in no change in the players’ predicament and could well make the situation worse for many with clubs losing income for that period. But unfortunately, the AFE has no other option left and must see the strike threat through unless its demands are met.

Neymar recants and midday matches

2011-08-10T10:57:00Z

Alarm bells were ringing in the Marca offices on Monday. The hotline to Florentino’s office was flashing red. The security doors slammed shut to prevent anyone from leaving the premises. The unthinkable had happened. Marca was at DEFCON 1.

Somewhere across the universe a footballer who doesn’t play for Real Madrid, has never played for Real Madrid and hasn’t been signed up to play for Real Madrid dared to opine that Real Madrid isn’t the best team in the world and doesn’t have the best player, either.

That particular footballer was young upstart Neymar, who happens to be the very marketable apple of Florentino Pérez’s eye. Neymar’s crime was to give the reprehensible opinion that Barcelona are “the best team in the world and they’ve got the world’s best player.”

The Brazilian billboard was talking to FIFA’s website ahead of the World Club Cup. Although a little early – the tournament isn't until December – it might be seen as a relevant forum for sharing his thoughts on possible opponents for his club side Santos. But this was still unacceptable behaviour in Marca’s world.

Even AS tutted at Neymar’s glaring football error, Tomás Roncero lamenting that “each day he shows more signs of immaturity” with the added suggestion that Neymar was being “manipulated” by FIFA in making such controversial comments.

Marca weren't going to let such slander go unpunished, dispatching a writer armed with thumbscrews to Stuttgart, where Neymar is currently staying ahead of Wednesday’s friendly between Germany and Brazil. Marca’s man didn’t let the side down – by the looks of the photo in the paper, collaring the rebellious youngster in a hotel corridor – and got the kid to confess that Real Madrid were “a great team, this year they can win everything with the players they have,” and that “Madrid are a great club with a lot of history, one of the best, no doubt.”

"What have I said now?"

With that terrible Barça-biased wrong now righted, the focus of the paper then changed to the publishing of the new fixture lists, which feature the Primera games over their usual three-day spread but now in nine separate slots, rather than the previous seven. Matches are now scheduled for 6pm, 8pm and 10pm on Saturday, then noon, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm and 10pm on Sunday, with the 9pm match of doom on Monday night.

LLL largely approves of the changes, with the early-bird blog appreciating the Sunday noon kick-offs, which are designed to please the Asian market. That said, it remains to be seen what interest the first match – Rayo Vallecano v Mallorca – will create in the Far East, with the response of viewers likely to be “Rayo who?”, “Where’s Messi?” and “Why does the stadium only have three sides?”

FFT Travel guide: Rayo Vallecano

However, it's less than happy with the matches finishing around about midnight on Sunday, with sleep-deprived Spain set to be even surlier than normal on a Monday morning.

It almost escaped the blog’s attention but Spain are apparently in action in Bari on Wednesday night in an all-important match that is no ordinary friendly. That’s certainly the message from the Spanish camp, anyway. LLL, for one, doesn’t believe a word of it as nine of Spain’s starters are likely to be in action on Sunday for the Spanish Super Cup – a considerably bigger fish to fry than a pre-season amble against the Azzurri.

FEATURE James Horncastle previews Italy v Spain

Valencia: Spain’s smartest spenders (no, honest)

2011-08-09T13:43:00Z

This summer, LLL has been a bit ‘Carry On’ with a plethora of Sid James phwoarrs and Kenneth Williams matrons and raised eyebrows.

While not wholly unusual for the blog, this behaviour has been especially prevalent lately in reaction to Valencia’s signings. Every announcement of a player purchase by the Mestalla men has been greeted with noise of lustful approval like seeing Barbara Windsor’s boobs, which is stark contrast to the scoffing and swearing of three years ago.

A huge lump of the reason why Valencia are still in financial trouble is, rather neatly, a huge lump: the new Mestalla stadium, which has remained untouched by trowel or tractor since 2009 – when the club, under the disastrous leadership of Juan Bautista Soler, ran out of money to pay for it.

Valencia paid dearly for stadium construction and a failure to sell the land under the old Mestalla, but the club was brought to its knees by some insane spending in the transfer market between 2006 and 2008.

Whilst this summer’s current net outlay of €18.3m may seem a lot for an outfit that is still in what club president Manuel Llorente calls “a delicate situation”, Valencia did make a profit of €69m in the past two seasons thanks in part to the sales of David Silva, David Villa and Raúl Albíol. If times are still tough, Juan Mata can always be book-balancingly flogged to any number of interested suitors in the Premier League.

However, the profile of this summer’s purchases have been shrewd and astute rather than insane and insaner during the splurge that began four years ago. In that period, Valencia’s signings included a trouble-making, unproven Ever Banega for €18m, the non-scoring Javier Arizmendi (€12m), Nikola Zigic (€14m), Manuel Fernandes (€18m), Joaquín (€25m) and the quickly forgotten Italian striker Francesco Tavano (€10m). With some other rubbish thrown in (Sunny, Alexis, Del Horno, Hugo Viana) the total tally for two season’s shopping was an epic €94m.

Valencia’s new shiny brigade begins at the back with Almería’s Brazilian goalkeeper Diego Alves (€3m) adding some security, with the jury still very much out on the abilities of Vicente Guaita who ended last season as Valencia’s first choice goalie. With César Sánchez moving to Villarreal and Miguel Moyá going on loan to Getafe, this position looks solid as a rock.

The club’s first move of the new season came in, er, January when signing up the 25-year-old French international centre-back Adil Rami from Lille (to whom they immediately loaned him back while the unfashionable northerners set about winning the league title).

However, it’s further forward where the juices are really flowing after former Real Madrid midfielder Dani Parejo (€6m) joined from Getafe and the club managed to get their hands on 20-year-old Sergio Canales for a two-year loan spell in an attempt to rescue a promising career from a season spent as a José Mourinho outcast.

Almería was raided again with the purchase of a striker who is a bit of a neutral’s favourite in la Liga: Pablo Piatti, the blindingly fast wee Argentinian forward who will now get to play in a side with a bit of quality. Valencia are now especially strong up front with this attacking trio fighting for a spot with Juan Mata, Aritz Aduriz, Roberto Soldado, Pablo Hernández and the winter signing of another forward, Jonas.

New breed: Piatti (No.14) bags in pre-season at Lisbon

The Valencia squad now has a youthful, tingly feel to it, especially as the club has get rid of useless old duffers Asier del Horno, Vicente, David Navarro, Manuel Fernandes, although somehow David Albelda and Miguel Brito have managed to survive the latest cull.

Manager Unai Emery has bubbled that “we are loving working with players with such desire. Our situation means that we’ve had to find players of this time, either from the club or outside.”

The summer spending, which may yet include another centre-back and a right-back, sees Valencia as strong favourites to repeat their third-placed position in the season to come. What’s more, the team might even be able to shorten the distance between them and second place, last season a rather chasm-like 21 points. That really would be the sign of a miraculous summer of shopping.

Super build-up for Super Cup

2011-08-08T13:20:00Z

The friendlies are all but over, the endless waffle and piffle concerning Cesc and Neymar have been banished to the inside pages, Karim Benzema has been reborn for the 15th time and Leo Messi is back in Barcelona ready to open another can of whup-ass on Real Madrid.

This is the state of play in the Spanish press just six days before what has been branded by one paper's rather feeble attempt at hype as “the most important Supercopa in 14 years”.

To be more accurate, it's six days until the first leg at the Santiago Bernabeu, with Monday’s Marca cover starting the countdown. To Marca's mind (such as it is), Madrid very much have the upper hand after a pre-season that has seen seven wins from seven against tough sides such as Leicester City and Tiajin Teda.

What’s more, a feeble, floppy Barcelona can only boast two victories from their six games with a genuinely concerned Pep Guardiola complaining that “before we had pre-seasons; now we do tours.”

“Every player knows almost from memory what has to be done against Barcelona in the first leg,” claims Marca. In Kaká’s case that will be the simple task of sitting on the bench for 90 minutes, claim AS, who award the only negative rating of the pre-season to the Brazilian forward.

AS are instead oozing over Karim Benzema, who appears to have eaten significantly fewer pies over the summer – something noticed by France coach Laurent Blanc – and begun running about a bit. This change of tack has coincided with eight goals, a clear indication of the 45 the Frenchman is set to score this season.

"Karim! Cakes!" Cruel Mou's mind games work on Benzema

In the Barcelona press, the only crumb of comfort after a few flat weeks on the pitch is Alexis and Leo Messi arriving in the Catalan capital for a week of training – which will be largely done alone, as the team’s Spain contingent head off for a ridiculously-timed friendly with Italy. “On Thursday, we’ll all be together for the first time and we’ll see how we are ahead of the Madrid game,” admitted Guardiola.

Elsewhere, Atlético Madrid eased past their Europa League pre pre pre-qualifying clash against Stromsgodset – but they now face a match against Vitoria de Guimaraes with just Adrián up front, what with Diego Costa out for six months and Diego Forlán off on his holidays. Rumours at the Vicente Calderón are still linking the club with Espanyol’s Osvaldo and Villarreal's Giuseppe Rossi, but both transfers are going to be tough ones.

Zaragoza continue to make a mockery of the administration system in Spain by signing goalkeeper Roberto for €8.6m despite having a debt of nearly €100m, including €92,000 owed to the returning keeper himself from a previous spell at the club.

And in terrible news for the blog and a league still reeling from the loss of Kun Agüero, another fine striker in Javier Arizmendi has abandoned Spanish shores by leaving Getafe and joining Joaquín Caparrós at Swiss side Neuchatel Xamax, where the forward’s talent of not scoring ever should be perfect for a team currently sitting at the bottom of the league.

Didn't you used to be…?: Five forgotten footballers of la Liga

2011-08-02T15:10:00Z

Fran Mérida, Atlético Madrid
Surely LLL can't be alone in completely forgetting about the existence of the Atlético Madrid midfielder formerly known as the "new Fabregas".

Apparently, the 21-year-old made 17 league appearances for the Rojiblancos after his move from Arsenal in the summer of 2009, but this blog cannot remember a single minute of any of them. And records show that LLL was present and correct in the Vicente Calderón for many of them.

Then again, LLL tends to have second-half blackouts during Atlético games, due to the brain shutting down for its own protection. That and the huge clouds created by the jazz cigarettes which are regular features in the stands.

Mérida is one product of La Masia that Barcelona have no great desire to get back. For the current campaign at his current club, he is stuck in a logjam behind six other central midfielders.

Sergio García, Espanyol
A Euro 2008 winner, no less, who disappeared from this particular dimension – first by moving to Betis, and then sticking with the unfortunate Andalusians in the wilderness of la Segunda. In summer 2010 his chubby little chops popped up at Espanyol after a €1.8m move to El Prat land.

The Barcelona-born forward managed 21 fairly forgettable performances and four goals before falling injured in March. It was only when LLL had a look at the club’s squad list to see how much trouble they’d be in if Osvaldo left that it remembered the ponytailed 'poacher'.

Tom De Mul, Sevilla
LLL certainly recalls the Belgian midfielder being signed in the summer of 2007, but after that it’s an enormous, alien-probing-sized blank. Investigation shows this is because De Mul managed just nine league appearances in two seasons before going on loan to Genk in 2008/2009 before missing the entire past season through injury.

Tom is back in Seville and finds himself behind Jesús Navas and Manu Del Moral in the right midfield queue, so a freebie return to Belgium looks on the cards.

Arouna Koné, Sevilla
The Ivory Coast striker came from PSV Eindhoven in 2007 and was Sevilla’s record transfer at €12m, a figure since beaten by Alvaro Negredo. But unlike Sevilla’s stroppy Spanish striker, Koné has achieved zip all at the Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan.

Mind you, this is not entirely the Ivorian’s fault, due to two serious knee injuries in four years. Koné missed much of the 2008/09 campaign and went on loan to Hannover the following year before returning to Sevilla, where another knee injury kept the forward out of action until the beginning of 2011. So far, Sevilla’s €12m outlay has produced just one league goal for the club.

Alexander Hleb, Barcelona
Just think. The man from Minsk got to flounce about on holiday this summer telling all and sundry, quite accurately, that he is a Barcelona player. Fans of the club had clean forgotten this and it wouldn’t be at all a surprise if Pep Guardiola himself responded to a reminder on the first day of pre-season training with “Hleb? At the front gates? Is he? Really? Why? How?”

Now 30, the midfielder came from Arsenal in 2008, didn’t do a great deal, went to Stuttgart, then to Birmingham. Technically, should the Belarus-born footballer so desire, he could sit around by the Med getting paid by Barcelona for doing diddly-squat until next June.

Striker light – twice: Atletico lose two frontmen in one day

2011-07-28T11:22:00Z

La Liga losing one of its brightest stars. Atlético Madrid in all kinds of trouble up front. Still not enough to knock their attention-sucking neighbours from the front pages of Marca and AS on Thursday.

Despite the €45m transfer being all but done and dusted the previous evening, with Kun Agüero tweeting that he was a Manchester City player – and apparently also aware that the club isn’t in North London or Madrid, unlike Robinho – both papers still felt the need to point out how great Real Madrid are.

AS cooed over how well José Mourinho’s signings were doing in pre-season, while Marca were full of love for Karim Benzema after the French forward scored two goals against Hertha Berlin to apparently push himself to the front of the striking queue ahead of the still-holidaying Gonzalo Higuaín. “Now he thinks about football the same way I do,” said a contented Mourinho after the 3-1 win in Berlin.

Both papers missed what was possibly worse news for Atlético than Kun’s departure, which was hardly the greatest of surprises. During the training session ahead of Thursday’s Europa League qualifying clash at home to Stromsgodset, Brazilian forward Diego Costa ended up with a cruciate ligament knack that could see him out for six to eight months.

Now Atlético's forward department consists of Adrián – a freebie from Deportivo who only scored eight league goals last season – and Diego Forlán, who has just decided that he wants to stay at the Vicente Calderón after all despite a year of moaning and groaning about the concept.

To be fair to the Uruguayan, he jetted into Madrid on Wednesday to make himself available for Thursday’s key clash. “I’m tired, but after a couple of days' rest it will be worth the effort.”

Although many supporters will still rank Kun alongside David De Gea as a mercenary who abandoned the club which watered and nurtured them, there will be some relief that the Argentinian is off to Manchester City rather than Real Madrid.

"Where do I sign?" Aguero in Manchester

“This move [the one that didn't happen] would have done a lot of damage to the Rojiblanco fans,” writes AS's FJ Diáz, who thinks that Kun will still miss Atletico. “Agüero has gone to the cold and rain of Manchester. One day, he’ll miss the warmth from people who loved him like no other.”

Marca feel that Kun fell victim to an honourable Real Madrid deciding against upsetting their neighbours. “Despite being a player who would have been just the right thing for the team and been the preference of the fans – much more than Neymar – Florentino and Mourinho have been true to their word and did not want to take advantage of the situation. Real Madrid preferred to maintain good relations with the Rojiblancos.”

Atlético big cheeses Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil will have an immediate sense of the supporters’ disquiet over the summer’s transfer dealings on Thursday night at the Vicente Calderón with the Europa League qualifying clash against their Norwegian opponents. It’s a game coming at the end of a week that could get even worse club if they get the wrong result on the night.

Crybaby Capel & Banega’s Facebook Fumble

2011-07-26T16:47:00Z

LLL has no doubt at all that Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea's goodbye letter to Atletico Madrid supporters last week is somewhat connected to his earlier farewell press conference at the Vicente Calderón, in which he made the terrible error of not seeming to give a flying one about moving on.

After all, the youngster had broken with the strict la Liga tradition which requires departing footballers to blub like overtired toddlers. Rather than begging fans' forgiveness for wanting to multiply his salary 700 times, De Gea looked like he was announcing his intention of popping out to get some ciggies and a kebab.

Diego Capel certainly didn’t make that mistake with a press conference that some might call moving but LLL would brand as plain pitiful. Reading from a letter – or rather, snivelling and shooting mucus from his nostrils whilst trying to do so – the diving diva of Sevilla praised his former club’s “constant, demanding but faithful support,” and confessed rather bizarrely that he was leaving for Sporting Lisbon with his head and conscience clear.

On Monday, LLL reported Valencia had published a code of conduct for their players to teach them how to behave properly both off the pitch and in cyberspace.

LLL, Mon 25 Jul: Alexis arrives, Bojan blubs and Kaka runs out of credit

The blog’s prediction that this would be a huge waste of paper turned out to be proved right just a day later when Ever Banega got himself to trouble on the internet again – there were no tissues involved this time – when a photograph of him wearing a Real Madrid shirt was published on the Argentinian’s Facebook page. “Everyone is responsible for their own acts,” said midfielder David Albelda. “It’s Ever who must give explanations.”

Over in Mordor, Real Madrid went back to training for the first time since their two-week jaunt to the US. José Mourinho was not at all happy to find rejects Pedro León, Royston Drenthe and Lassana Diarra still at the club, with all three being forced to run around cones far from the Chosen Ones of the squad.

Marca reports that Zinedine Zidane will be called away from Tuesday’s crucial job of checking on the printer toner stocks to suggest to the trio of footballers that they might want to move on to any club desperate enough to have them. Even, if necessary, Tottenham Hotspur.

With Neymar and Santos digging in their heels over the Brazilian’s move to Madrid, Florentino Pérez has unleashed an even bigger figure to persuade the mohawk-sporting maverick away from Brazil. Marca writes that Perez is sending in The Real Ronaldo to do the business by sitting on Neymar’s father until he relents and persuades his son to sign on for a stint in Spain.

In the biggest U-turn since made since the game when Maniche decided to track back, Diego Forlán is showing how much he now loves Atlético Madrid by reportedly promising to be back in time in the Spanish capital for Thursday’s Europa League tie against Stromsgodset.

And finally, Sport bring their readers the exclusive news that Pep Guardiola is still fantastic and still much, much nicer than that Meanie-head Mourinho with José Maria Casanovas opining that “his performance has been exceptional, with the added value that he’s someone who is sincere, humble and positive.” Aw.

Alexis arrives, Bojan blubs & Kaká runs out of credit

2011-07-25T13:12:00Z

There was grinning and gushing, shrieking and spurting in the Catalan capital last weekend, as there was finally something for Barça fans to talk about aside from how stupendously superior they are to every other side on the planet and how much they hate those dastardly dastards over at the Bernabeu.

Alexis Sánchez and Udinese finally came to an agreement with Barcelona in a deal worth €26 million up front, €11.5 million in variable fees and an odd little clause relating to friendlies worth €6 million that nobody in Spain is really that sure about...

However, Serie A’s balance with Barcelona remains equal, as the Italian league is gaining bowl-haired Bojan, with the little forward being flogged to Roma for not being particularly good over the past couple of seasons.

However, the wee nipper sees things slightly differently, and blames Pep Guardiola for his exit. Coming over all Samuel Eto’o/Zlatan Ibrahimovic, he whinged: “[Guardiola has] not been fair to me many times and that’s one of the reasons I’ve decided to go.”

"Yeah, well you can't flog me, because I quit..."

Up in the Spanish capital, Atlético Madrid are having their usual pre-season freak-out, with a couple of 45 minute long matches against Granada and Besiktas seeing the Rojiblancos twice defeated and twice failing to score - not exactly great preparation for Thursday’s Europa League whopper against Norwegian outfit Stromsgodset. What’s more, Kun Agüero surprised nobody by failing to show up to training as ordered on Sunday.

However there was good news, with the club having an offer to fill the vacant spot on the front of the club’s shirts from Ashley Madison, a company that ‘assists’ those not exactly happy in their relationships in finding 'joy and happiness' elsewhere.

“It’s a good fit for us,” explained a spokesman for the company where good fits are a speciality. “It’s a club that ends stereotypes and is an innovator.”

AS have once again given Kaká a good old kicking for his somewhat flaccid performances in Real Madrid’s pre-season matches in the USA, claiming the forward “is beginning to run out of credit.” LLL would note that Kaká began having his footballing credit card declined by Madrid fans a good 12 months ago.

Kaka chills out in the LA sun, while some other men play a football match

Meanwhile, “Mou Team 2.0” - as Marca now like to call them - are still trying to bring Neymar kicking and screaming over from South America. despite the Santos player and president being not overly keen on the notion and their manager, Muricy Ramalho, claiming the forward wouldn’t enjoy the technical discipline of life under Mourinho. “The problem with Neymar is that he can’t play in a fixed position,” opined the Brazilian boss on his wandering star.

Valencia have solved their ongoing disciplinary issues once and for all by issuing the famous, but often pointless, code of conduct that will soon be propping open Miguel Brito’s front door to save him from trying to get his key in the lock at seven in the morning.

Finally, LLL had discovered the unluckiest player in la Liga in the form of Rayo Vallecano's Javi Fuego. The midfielder has experienced the process of administration at Sporting, Levante, Recreativo and now with his current club.

“Unfortunately I know quite a lot about this,” sighed the midfielder, who is quite possibly the worst footballer in Spain to ask if you can borrow a tenner...

The mood of the La Liga nation – Sevilla to Zaragoza

2011-07-21T15:07:00Z

LLL's Tim Stannard completes his temperament-testing tour of the Spanish top flight

Sevilla
Mood – In the happy bunny camp of cheer

Canny Sevilla supporters already sensed their team’s ‘end of a cycle’ before last season had even started and they weren’t to be proved wrong either with what was largely a forgettable campaign saved by a late sprint for a European place akin to a dash to the loo after some iffy seafood.

Twelve months on and things are a lot perkier in the sweltering city of Seville with Marcelino in charge of the club and at least two hate-filled derbies against Betis to look forward to.

FFT Travel Guide to Sevilla

Club president José Maria Del Nido remains out of prison, his corruption trial still ongoing. Sporting director Monchi appears to have found his magic scouting touch again with last season’s recruitment of Ivan Rakitic and this summer’s purchases of Coke (to give the side a lift), Getafe’s Manu Del Moral and former Hamburger Piotr Trochowski. Sevilla v3.0 looks like being a solid one with Marcelino claiming that a third-placed finish was quite possible for his team.

Sporting
Mood – Boooooo!!!!!!!

The free transfer of Diego Castro to Getafe and departure of José Angel to Roma, with a couple of lower-league freebies coming in, isn’t what has been antagonising Sporting fans in the past week or too. Instead it was the unveiling of the club’s new first team strip, which still carried the traditional red-and-white stripes – but with the white featuring rather too dominantly for supporters who booed it at the official unveiling.

FFT Travel Guide to Sporting Gijon

The protests from the supporters in the all-powerful message boards forced the club and manufacturers Kappa to agree to work on tinkering with the design to something a little less... white. Either that or do nothing until the season has already started and it's all too late.

Valencia fans prepare to pull hankies from pockets

Valencia
Mood – White hankies at the ready

The club is still avoiding bankruptcy, Juan Mata hasn't been sold – although Unai Emery hasn’t ruled the possibility out – and what’s more, a few handy footballers such as goalkeeper Diego Alves, Dani Parejo and Pablo Piatti have been signed.

However, that won’t stop some of the most notoriously grumpy supporters in Spain booing and hankie-waving during the first match of the season if things don’t go immediately well for the men from Mestalla.

FFT Travel Guide to Villarreal

The glass is always very much half-empty for Valencia fans, who prefer to focus on the negatives of their side. If it were the other way round then there are a lot of reasons to be cheerful in the season to come, with some fresh faces around the squad coming in and the departure of some grumpy old goats – such as Vicente and Miguel Brito, who has been told he can go do one.

Villarreal
Mood – In a holding pattern

For the moment the average Villarreal fan is reasonably content. But all that could change over the next month, with a Champions League qualifying match and the possible sales of Giuseppi Rossi (pictured) to Juventus and Santi Cazorla to Málaga, two players that would ruin a cracking team no matter what money was raised to replace them.

FFT Travel Guide to Villarreal

The €2.3m purchase of forward Javier Camuñas from Osasuna may not be a headline-grabber but Villarreal have gained a real Scrappy-Doo fighter (if less irritating) to help out a squad that occasionally lacked a bit of backbone last year. Colombian centre-back Cristián Zapata, arriving from Udinese, may turn out to be a shrewd signing too. But for the moment, it's very much wait and see in the Villarreal camp.

"Ooooooooooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping' down the plain…"

Zaragoza
Mood - acceptance of what is about to come their way

Just when LLL thought Zaragoza couldn’t sink any lower after some of the skin-saving antics the side pulled last year, the club goes into administration – giving it legal protection from automatic relegation due to the debts held to its footballers and other clubs for transfers.

FFT Travel Guide to Zaragoza

However, this hasn’t stopped the side signing the odd player or two with midfielder Juan Carlos joining from Real Madrid Castilla joining for €2.5m – a giant middle finger to other sides who are owned money by the arrogant Aragonese outfit.

The better news for supporters of truth, justice and the American way are that Ander Herrera has left for Athletic Bilbao with Gabi going to Atlético Madrid, to leave Zaragoza without two of their best players from last season.

Nevertheless, Zaragoza fans will still be hopping mad over their owner Agapito Iglesias, whose chronic mismanagement has left the club with debts of nearly €100m – but happy to still be standing and facing another year of Primera football.

The mood of the La Liga nation:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis, Espanyol
Granada, Getafe, Levante, Malaga, Mallorca
Osasuna, Racing Santander, Rayo Vallecano, Real Madrid, Real Sociedad
Sevilla, Sporting, Valencia, Villarreal, Zaragoza

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation - Osasuna to Real Sociedad

2011-07-20T15:45:00Z

La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard continues to ponder exactly how fans of La Liga's twenty clubs will be feeling, as their heroes (and the rest) return to pre-season training...

Osasuna
Mood – Violent

Pretty much the only thing Osasuna supporters get excited about this time of year is the thought of the three promoted teams joining la Primera, and with it the chance to intimidate and then run out of town some fresh sets of supporters.

Aside from that, the close season is a bog standard one for the Osasuna mob. As usual they have no cash in the coffers, and their debts mean that their half-decent players have left, with the sales of Javier Camuñas and Nacho Monreal to Villarreal and Málaga respectively raising €8.3 million - enough to keep the wolves from the door, for now...

FFT Travel Guide to Osasuna

Arriving at the club are the usual freebies. This year that group includes Rubén González, a defender who did the most un-Osasuna of things in his spell at Real Madrid by crying after being repeatedly made to look like a bit of goose by José Antonio Reyes. Osasuna fans will not forget that in a hurry, especially when this big girl’s blouse of an arrival is balanced with the departure of the wonderfully thuggish front two of Carlos Aranda and Walter Pandiani.

"Green and white? Not really my cup of tea - cheerio..."

Racing Santander
Mood – About to start walking into the sea

The debacle that was the ‘buy-out’ of the club by Indian businessman Ahsan Ali Syed has left Racing Santander entering the process of administration. This has left debts to players past and present outstanding, which has in turn meant zero signings.

This leaves the average Santander fan contemplating ending it all. The front pair of Giovani dos Santos and Markus Rosenberg have returned to their clubs after their respective loan spells, while the rest of the team presumably have their agents on redial, desperately trying to get out of Racing as fast as humanly possible.

FFT Travel Guide to Racing Santander

In a recent friendly game against the wonderfully-titled German outfit Wacker, 19-year-old former ‘B’ team player Julián Luque and 87-year-old Pedro Munitis were the club’s forward line. No goals were scored, although Racing didn’t lose. That’s the best news the club has had all summer.

Rayo Vallecano
Mood – Right behind the Racing fans on the beach

It should have been a summer of merry excitement and mass binge-drinking for Rayo supporters following June’s promotion back to the top flight. But instead, hardcore fans have started camping outside the stadium’s main entrance in a protest against the club falling into administration, failing to pay its players (although this is starting to be rectified after the squad went on strike - amazing coincidence that), and huge price hikes for season tickets.

FFT Travel Guide to Rayo Vallecano

In fact, the situation is so desperate that a despondent Rayo supporter that LLL knows confessed that he would even accept a loan deal for Fernando ‘Lady’ Gago, things are so grim down in Vallecas.

The best Real Madrid team ever? No.

Real Madrid
Mood - The most excited they’ve ever been ever. Apparently.

Judging by ramblings of Marca this week, Real Madrid supporters must be vibrating with so much positive energy that they could slip through the cracks of space-time into a parallel dimension. The website poll on Tuesday asked fans whether the current squad was the greatest in Madrid’s history, after a 4-1 friendly victory over LA Galaxy where Fabio Coentrao looked fairly decent as one would expect for a €30m player.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Madrid

However, considering 77% answered ‘no’ to that particular poser, it seems José Mourinho still has some work to do on the transfer market. Besides, what is happening at the Santiago Bernabeu over the summer is less of a concern this year. Instead, it’s Barça’s ongoing failure - at time of writing - to land Cesc Fabregas or Alexis Sánchez that’s more of interest in Mordor this month.

Real Sociedad
Mood – Jimmy Hill contemplative chin-rubbing

The Basque club may be boasting 600 more season ticket holders than last season, but it’s a sign of some doubts over the year to come. Unknown Frenchie, Philippe Montanier, has taken over as coach from the sacked Martin Lasarte, and Atlético Madrid have had a €7m offer for the club’s brightest star, Antoine Griezmann, turned down.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Sociedad

The Rojiblancos will surely be back with another bid, and losing the 20-year-old Frenchman would be a bitter blow to la Real. With little activity on the transfer market, the club's supporters are very much in screen saver, stand-by mode at the moment.

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation - Getafe to Mallorca

2011-07-19T15:13:00Z

For the second time this week, La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard puts on his corduroy jacket, polishes his leather couch, cranks up some soothing Kenny G and assesses the mental wellbeing of the fans of all twenty clubs in la Primera, with most teams now back in pre-season training....

Granada
Mood – Dancing in the street (or they would be if it wasn't too hot) sized happiness

Udinese ‘B’, as LLL insists on calling them, are facing their first season in the Spanish top flight in 35 years. Happily, they are also reportedly about to leave administration and may have €12m to spend, so the mood of the average Granada supporter is annoyingly perky.

FFT Travel Guide to Andalucia

However, that joviality will no doubt be flip-reversed by the end of October, when they will no doubt find themselves down in lower reaches of the division, blaming referring conspiracies for their Primera plight. But until the dreaded day grim reality comes along to kick ‘em in the goolies, the Granada fans won’t give two hoots about what lies ahead after a very long absence from the limelight.

Getafe
Mood – Fairly happy, but maybe feeling a tad let down. Like Royston Drenthe

It’s a confusing world for Getafe’s hardcore support of 23 hardy souls. When the deal with the Royal Emirates Group was announced by Angel Torres, the club president said that an extra cash injection of around €20 million would mean the team’s best players would not have to be sold every summer.

FFT Travel Guide to Getafe

Unfortunately, that pledge has immediately fallen flat on its face, with Manu Del Moral, Juan Albín, Derek Boateng, and Dani Parejo all flogged off for a total of around €20 million. The newcomers are largely freebies – two from Deportivo – and Real Madrid Castilla’s Pablo Sarabia, who while being an undoubtedly talented attacking midfielder, is also a mouthy scrote-bag. Torres admitted the club did try to pick up Bojan from Barcelona, so there is hope of a big money cash splash for a new striker before the summer is over.

Levante
Mood – Still skipping through the streets

There will still be smiles on Mr Johnny Levante Supporter’s face as he looks ahead to another enjoyable season of struggle and top flight torment, when it looked for some time last year that a return to la Segunda was on the cards.

FFT Travel Guide to Levante

The architect of their miraculous escape, Luis García, is now scowling away at Getafe, leaving former Cartagena boss Juan Ignacio Martínez in charge. His role at the club is to beg, steal and borrow players, keep striker Felipe Caicedo at the club and hope big-boned defender Sergio Ballesteros doesn’t return to the squad so large he has small lumps of cheese orbiting him like moons.

Málaga
Mood – As happy as a toddler who has just wolfed down fifty bags of sugar

A more giddy bunch of supporters you could not possibly find. Around 12,000 fans renewed their season tickets in just one day. Then 15,000 saw Ruud van Nistelrooy unveiled, before 16,000 turned up for a stand-up routine from Joaquín. And it’s no wonder, given €37 million has been blown by Málaga on seven players, and there is still hope for another big-name arrival in the shape of Santi Cazorla from Villarreal.

FFT Travel Guide to Malaga

It’s the kind of summer that has united fans of 17 other clubs in la Primera, all of whom now consider Málaga supporters to be jammy b**tards.

Mallorca
Mood – Jaws dragging along the floor depressed. Again.

BONG! This summer's headlines from Mallorca....

BONG! The club is still in administration...

BONG! Star striker Pierro Webó is raging against the machine, by refusing to play in friendly against Swedish side Hammerby...

BONG! Mallorca have signed someone called Gianni Zuiverloon who apparently played for WBA and Ipswich last season.

BONG! That’s about it...

On the plus side - and it’s spelled with a ‘p’ in a fairly small font - the usual fire sale of talent in order to keep the wolf from the door has yet to arrive, meaning Jonathan De Guzman and Emilio Nsue are still around, along with coach Michael Laudrup.

FFT Travel Guide to Mallorca

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation – Athletic Bilbao to Espanyol

2011-07-18T15:05:00Z

La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard puts on his corduroy jacket, polishes his leather couch, cranks up some soothing Kenny G and assesses the mental wellbeing of the fans of all twenty clubs in la Primera, with most teams now back in pre-season training....

Athletic Bilbao
Mood – mildly optimistic

Unless Kun Agüero uncovers some Basque heritage and Athletic find €45 million stuffed down the back of the sofa, supporters are unlikely to be feeling any excitement at all about further signings this summer. But that’s pretty much the case every year, with as many shopping options open to Athletic Bilbao as an East German in 1983.

FFT Travel Guide to Athletic Bilbao

The club’s splurge on Ander Herrera looks like being a good ‘un though, after the Zaragoza midfielder’s tremendous showings for Spain’s U-21 team in the European Championships. The only rumblings of disquiet in the Athletic camp could come from the 44% of club members who took part in the recent presidential election who did not vote for the new regime who have since appointed Marcelo ‘El Loco’ Biesla to be the new coach, ousting Joaquín Caparrós in the process.

The 54% who did choose him will be hopeful of a footballing approach that is a little less, shall we say, direct in the coming season. “I’d say I’d like to play passing football, playing in the opposition’s half,” said Bielsa in his first press conference at the club.

Atlético Madrid
Mood – Lost, confused, bewildered

The Rojiblancos returned to training a good few weeks back now, with the first of the club’s pre pre pre pre pre pre-qualifying Europa League clashes with Norwegian side, Stromsgodset, coming up on July 28th at the Vicente Calderón. Somewhat worryingly, the stadium still doesn’t have its new pitch sorted after the arena was turned into a race track and then suffered the horrors of hosting the Black Eyed Peas.

FFT Travel Guide to Atletico Madrid

As it stands, there is no confirmed first choice goalkeeper following the departure of David De Gea, there are too many non-EU internationals in the squad, nobody is sure what will happen to Kun Agüero, Diego Forlán has decided he wants to stay at the club after all meaning a rapid supporter-mood U-turn and Atlético now have a centre-back called Miranda. Oh, and Raúl García has not been flogged yet.

Barcelona
Mood – A tad nervous, leg twitching, smug

Although Barça fans won’t dare to admit it, there may be a few jealous looks towards Madrid. Not necessarily due to the quality of the players Mourinho has brought to the Santiago Bernabeu, as much as the quantity, which has giving Madrid two very strong players for each position. Barcelona returned to training on Monday without a single new addition to the squad aside from the promotion of a couple of ‘B’ team players – although that does include Thiago, to be fair.

FFT Travel Guide to Barcelona

The purchases of Cesc Fabregas and Alexis Sánchez will certainly steady a few trembling knees in the Catalan capital, but until those deals are completed – and Bojan is sold – then nerves will remain slightly on edge for fans of Pep’s Dream Boys.

Betis
Mood – Drunk

Betis fans are wasted during bad times and blasted during the good. And it’s in between those two stools that the green-and-white support find themselves this summer. Betis are back in la Primera – which is a very good thing, but there is still institutional confusion as to who actually owns the club and how on earth it is going to claw itself out of administration before the end of the century.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Betis

As for transfer activity, things have been speeding along steadily with the loan signing of Villarreal’s Jefferson Montero looking the best of the bunch. However, the Seville side’s squad was already decent enough to stay up in the new season, anyway. The main hope for Beticos is that midfielder, Emana, stays with the club – however the constant transfer stories surrounding the Cameroon international midfielder suggest this may not be a dream that comes true...

Espanyol
Mood – Uncertain, slightly frowning, not too stressed though

Espanyol fans had a good start to the summer when discovering that Real Madrid were going to take José Callejón off their hands for €5 million and that Getafe’s Juan Albín would be coming into to replace him, with the club making a tidy profit along the way. But since then it has been fairly slow stuff in El-Prat land, with the only other big signing of the summer so far being Mexican international centre-back Héctor Moreno, who joined from AZ Alkmaar for a reported €4 million.

FFT Travel Guide to Espanyol

Pericos will probably be happy enough if the squad makes it through the summer without star striker, Osvaldo, being sold and if someone comes in to take Luis García off their hands, too.

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

Mourinho's two watches, Wenger's 'blackmail' & the loop of infinite doom

2011-07-15T10:32:00Z

While the Catalan press is stuck in an endless Alexis Sánchez-Cesc Fabregas loop of infinite doom, over in Madrid it’s party time. The forces of Mordor are over in Los Angeles for a 13 day pre-season jaunt, and this return to action has given Marca an opportunity to do what they do best - fawn over The Special One like a nine-year-old girl with a Justin Bieber doll.

Thursday’s edition has caught a serious bout of the vapours, with the front cover declaring the Madrid boss to be “Commander Mou” - the evidence being that the coach is giving specific orders on running around cones to his players and carrying a folder, no less. “The players are working at 120%” gushes the front page bonanza, “there are constant corrections during practice games.” But what really got the paper’s juices flowing was the fact Mourinho was wearing two wristwatches - a sight worthy of extreme photo close-up action.

The air in Barcelona still smells of desperation as the Alexis Sánchez moves two steps closer, then one step further away. On Wednesday, Sport was declaring that the Udinese forward had been signed. A day later they had back-tracked a tad, claiming he was about to sign, but only after Barcelona and the Serie A side had stopped squabbling over the finer details of the deal.

The strong message from the paper was that the imminent €48 million transfer was a good one, and certainly not an ostentatious vulgarity, which is what happens whenever other teams - Real Madrid, for example - spend that amount. “Wanting to judge the arrival of Alexis through the cost is a mistake” instructs Josep Maria Casanovas, “don’t look at the price, enjoy the football and if the same happens as with Alves, the cost will soon be forgotten.”

The paper also continues its demonisation of Arsene Wenger, with one columnist in particular most indignant about the Arsenal manager’s dastardly conduct in the Cesc Fabregas transfer. Responding to the Frenchman’s claim that his midfielder needed to say if he wasn’t happy at the club, José Luis Carazo stormed that “it seems intolerable to us that this arrogant person dares to blackmail the current captain of Arsenal,” before ranting about the London club ‘stealing’ the footballer in the first place.

Newly-promoted Rayo Vallecano are continuing to postpone the start of pre-season training, having been told that there is still no money at the club to pay the players, some of whom have reportedly been without wages for 14 months. “We heard things we didn’t like hearing,” manager José Ramón Sandoval said after a meeting with club president Raul Martín Presa. A demonstration of around 500 fans outside the stadium on Tuesday evening and the attendance of some disheartened looking footballers failed to make any difference to a club that is having a miserable summer, rather than a thrilling one.

And speaking of misery, former Deportivo boss Miguel Angel Lotina has attacked fullback Manuel Pablo during a chat with supporters, claiming that “I tried to teach him at 35 to cross and I couldn’t do it. In four years he could only put in one good one.”

The defender responded in a more genteel manner by saying that “we all know him well and what he is like. This will not ruin our relationship.” Besides, with Lotina’s love of defensive tactics, had Manuel Pablo put in a hundred crosses in a game, there wouldn’t have been anyone on the end of them in the box anyway.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Barça’s big party & Depor’s despair

2011-07-13T11:05:00Z

MAY

The title-race had already been done and dusted for what felt like decades before Barcelona’s 1-1 draw with Levante that mathematically sealed the deal for Pep’s Dream Boys, to kick off three days that Guardiola promised would be packed with “eating, dancing, laughing and a lot of singing.” In fact, it was like Ronaldinho had never left the Camp Nou.

However, the feuding and fighting was still rumbling on from Clásico quadruple-header, the final leg of which being the 1-1 Champions League semi-final draw at Camp Nou that ensured Barcelona would be taking on Manchester United at Wembley, a concept Iker Casillas did not deal with very well at all.

“They robbed us here and there,” complained the Madrid captain on a number of refereeing decisions he had taken a dislike to. “They took away our final.”

The bitterness from both sides of the camp caused many in Spain, including Vicente Del Bosque, to fret over whether the fall-out from the matches would seep through and contaminate the national side. It was a notion that was roundly poo-pooed by those involved, with the Spanish captain far more laid-back when predicting what would happen the next time he came across Xavi.

“I’m sure that as soon as we meet for the Spain team, we’ll see each other and say ‘(naughty word!)’ and ‘(naughty word!)’ and in one moment everything will be fixed.” Unfortunately, the exact same solution didn’t work for José Mourinho and Jorge Valdano and their particular tiff.

While Real Madrid sauntered off for their holidays, Barcelona had their lovely night out in London to look forward to, and comfortably disposed of Manchester United to pick up their second Champions League title in three years.

Not wanting to be left out of the crowing coming from the Catalan media, Madrid-mad Marca wrote that it wasn’t just Barcelona who were victors on the night. “The win was also for Spanish football. In the first place because the four European Cups added to the nine of Real Madrid make us the country with most European titles,” noted the paper’s editorial.

At the bottom of the Primera table there were all kinds of rumours floating about concerning a final round that saw seven teams with the possibility of joining Almería and Hércules in la Segunda.

The favourites for the drop were Zaragoza, who had a 48% chance of going down. And this was why a club with a reputation for doing whatever’s necessary to survive might have been involved in a helpful arrangement with Levante, the club the side were playing. These stories - all without foundation, LLL should note - were condemned by Levante president, Quico Catalan, who fumed that “there are people trying to damage the image of an institution that’s more than a 100 years old.” Carles Puyol can certainly sympathise with that.

The side who eventually fell through the trap door were Deportivo following a 2-0 home defeat to Valencia in a match which mirrored the team’s season, in that the Galician’s were physically unable to score. “Hell doesn’t deserve a team like this,” sobbed Marca, not exactly helping the self-esteem of those sides already in the second division.

Deportivo’s demise saw the well-deserved sacking of their manager Miguel Angel Lotina, who decided to share the blame for the club’s relegation. “Lotina hasn’t been relegated, but Deportivo has and we are a lot of people. This year it seems that only I lost.”

Valencia and Villarreal bagged third and fourth spot with Atlético Madrid sneaking in the footballing cat flap to sneak seventh place with the reward of a 2011/12 Europa League qualifying game, four minutes after the end of their final match of their 2010/2011 league campaign.

However, Quique Sánchez Flores wasn’t there to lead them into the encounter, having kept his word to walk out of the Vicente Calderón at the end of his contract and leave the game in Spain that little bit duller - and not just because of the coach’s impressively orange tan.

Barca press cry 'scandal' over fixture list, while Zidane puts the kettle on

2011-07-11T09:52:00Z

Last Thursday marked the pre-season's first bout of conspiracy theorising and childish screams of ‘it’s not fair!’ in the ongoing media war between Real Madrid and Barcelona.

It was the day after the fixtures for the 2011-12 campaign were announced and the loonier parts of the Barça press thought they could smell a rather pungent rat as they cast their eyes over Barcelona’s opening few games, which kick off with a trip to a beefed-up Málaga.

“The first match is against a super strength Málaga with a Messi who is just back from his holidays, then Villarreal are coming, then it’s Valencia in the fifth round and Atlético coming in the sixth....Real Madrid have a much easier start,” grumbled José Luis Carazo in Sport, with the forces of Mordor set to face Athletic Bilbao, Zaragoza, Getafe, Levante and Racing in their first five games.

The other issue to get the Catalan paper’s panties in a bunch is the scheduling of a Clásico the weekend before December's all important World Club Cup, which sees Barcelona battling against New Zealand’s finest. “This is a scandal,” yells Sport.

What really is a scandal, but one that seems to have gone largely unnoticed by all in Spain bar the self-righteous LLL, is how Zaragoza - a club in administration and owning nearly €100 million, are allowed to sign cantera midfielder Juan Carlos from Real Madrid for nearly €2.5 million when they still owe so much to other teams for past transfers. LLL would also like to know where Zaragoza president Agapito Iglesias found the €395,000 to buy a spot for the club’s ‘B’ team in Spain’s Segunda ‘B’ division.

Joaquín Caparrós will not be having his contract extended at Athletic Bilbao despite having done a fine job in the Basque Country in recent years. Unfortunately for ‘Jokin’, his club president Fernando Macua lost out in a presidential election to former player Josu Urrutia, who squeaked past his opponent 54% to 44%.

The new president’s first major act was to make Marcelo ‘El Loco‘ Biesla his manager, with the Larry Grayson-specs sporting coach agreeing to take over the Basque side with the aim of making them a little more entertaining on the pitch.

Atlético Madrid were one of the first teams back in training last week, except they were missing one of their squad members. Brazilian striker Diego Costa eventually joined his team-mates four days late, claiming that, as he had lost his Spanish mobile in Brazil, he had no means (or desire) whatsoever of finding out when he was due in Madrid.

“There was some confusion,” admitted Costa, “But it wasn’t all my fault. When they did get hold of me I got a ticket home straight away,” said the Brazilian hoping this revelation would see his imminent caning by Gregorio Manzano reduced to under 30 whacks.

Meanwhile Marca shared the stunning revelation that Real Madrid coach José Mourinho “really loves his great squad” and that Florentino Pérez was looking to build a retractable roof on top of the Santiago Bernabeu, something the rain-soaked stadium desperately needs.

Zinedine Zidane also announced himself as the club’s new Director of Football, although admitted that he still needed to discover “what my role is going to be.”

LLL can only guess that Mourinho’s coffee doesn’t pour itself...

La Liga Review 2010/2011: Spain goes Clásico Crazy

2011-07-07T14:49:00Z

APRIL
In April, football fans either wanted to clap their hands and bark like drunken sea lions in giddy excitement or tear their hair out in boredom and frustration. This was all because of the playing of three-quarters of the “Rally of Clásicos”, a narrative so dominant in Spain that nobody would have noticed if the King had worn a dress for a month and called for a ham boycott.

The first prickly contest which was a 1-1 draw in la Liga at the Santiago Bernabeu set the bar for the tone of the remainder of the games at the lowest possible level with disputed refereeing decisions and Pepe deployed as an unguided missile in the Madrid midfield.

Whilst the result was seen as a great top-hat throwing success in Madrid – especially in comparison with the 5-0 from November – it was snoot city in Barcelona with the local press spitting that their opponents gave a “lesson in miserable football” and that Madrid’s spoiling tactics were “a mortal sin” after all the money that had been spent on the squad.

The two sides met four days later in Mestalla for the Copa del Rey final, a match that Sport's Lluís Mascaró described breathlessly as “a final battle between good and evil. Between education and big-city tricks. Between love and hate. Barça cannot fail us.”

Unfortunately for Lluís, Barça did just that with Cristiano Ronaldo scoring a winner for Madrid in injury time to give Florentino a cup-shaped life raft to cling to over the summer. However, the Sport writer took the defeat with dignity by decreeing that “nobody talk about the end of a cycle. May no one from the Taliban media cavern say the blaugrana project is over.”

The third clash between this pair of feuding football teams was the first leg of the Champions League semi-final, a 2-0 win for Barça in Madrid during which the only entertaining moment of a tiresome affair was José Mourinho losing the plot, continually squeaking "Why!?" in the post-match press conference.

Unhappy at Pepe’s inevitable red card, the Special One claimed that he would have been ashamed at winning the 2009 Champions League because of the “scandal at Stamford Bridge” and that “if they win this one, it will be after a scandal at the Bernabeu”.

The Barça v Madrid animosity wasn’t the only bit of inter-club scrapping in April with Getafe and Zaragoza having a bit of a tiff too. Ahead of a key relegation clash, Getafe president Angel Torres understandably complained that their opponents owed €2.8m for the 2009 transfer of Ikechukwu Uche and that the club would go through the courts if necessary to get the money back.

“I’m tired of la Liga being ruined by clubs who don’t pay their debts,” complained Torres, who announced a partnership with the Royal Emirates Group later on in the month to supposedly give the club a sounder financial footing.

Zaragoza’s response was to shrug, scratch their nose and show empty pockets Charlie Chaplin-style. And cheat as well, let’s not forget, in a 2-1 defeat for Getafe at la Romareda during a match in which balls were thrown onto the pitch from the stands and the Zaragoza bench when Getafe were in possession. “There were nearly six balls on the pitch, even the ref could have dribbled one,” fumed Michel.

Atlético Madrid club president Enrique Cerezo responded to angry supporters – who had taken to copying a certain English club by showing their unhappiness at the club’s current owners by wearing yellow and green scarves – by huffing to a question on the matter that the fans must be “demonstrating against the owners of Manchester United, not Atlético Madrid.”

Although it was Spain’s Big Two who hogged the headlines in Spain, perhaps the biggest story that did not receive the full attention that it deserved was the relationship between Osasuna midfielder Javad Nekounam and a famous Spanish department store.

“Corte Inglés take a lot of my money,” explained the Iranian international on a store that aren't by any means fancy-pants rip-off merchants staffed by sullen misery-guts. “Half of Corte Inglés in Pamplona is mine. If someone wants to find Nekounam then go there. If I could, I’d go every day.”

Wenger 'betrays' Cesc & Barça as Marca tip Casillas to lose captaincy

2011-07-05T17:35:00Z

"Boy for sale! Boy for sale!"

Despite five weeks of headlines promising a world of transfer activity, there has so far been the total sum of diddly-squat going on in regards to players coming into the Camp Nou - well, aside from the potential reappearance of Alexander Hleb, who will be lucky to get past the security guards - and no news of anyone moving out.

In fact, the only firmed-up story featuring a Barcelona player and money changing hands involved Jonathan dos Santos, but for very different reasons.

This lack of activity has seen a long-anticipated explosion of impotent fury among the Barcelona press, who have launched an attack on Arsene Wenger that, even by their standards, was fairly insane. The Frenchman's crime? Failing to have agreed the sale of his club captain to Barça at a price that is convenient to the Catalan club.

Mundo Deportivo rants that “Wenger is laughing at Cesc” - forgetting that the Arsenal boss last broke into a smile in 2007 - and complains that “once again, at least for now, he is not fulfilling his promise to let him leave for Barcelona.” Sport go several steps further, with Tuesday’s front cover blasting that “Wenger betrays Cesc” by forcing him join up with the squad for pre-season training this week.

The reason for 'this betrayal' isn't simply the Arsenal manager looking after the best interests of the club he is paid handsomely to manage, rather pure bitterness and bile, according to cranky columnist Josep María Casanovas, who could probably do with a nice sangria and rub down.

“Wenger hates the club that has knocked him out of the Champions League in the last few years. He’s tired of Messi and co humiliating him,” fumes the Sport man, who spits that the Arsenal boss is “the enemy of Barcelona” in an editorial dramatically headlined “Wenger is a traitor and Cesc is the victim.”

Lunacy is not just restricted to Cataluyna, as Marca went a little wobbly on Monday, publishing a story which suggested Iker Casillas was going to have the captain’s armband taken away from him by José Mourinho on the pitch and then returned at the end of the game.

Without any foundation or proof, the paper mused that The Special One wanted a John Terry figure out on the field - hopefully not in the bedroom - to give the Bernabeu side more influence when it comes to badgering referees. The paper even ran a poll on the matter, with Xabi Alonso chosen as the man to act as 'on pitch' skipper, and get icy glares from his goalkeeper for good measure.

The paper’s editorial sets out the case for the change, which largely centres around Mourinho being a genius and in total control of everything, blah blah blah. “The move appears to be justified. The biggest proof is that out of the 20 Primera teams, only Sevilla and Madrid have their keeper as captain. The Whites cannot afford the luxury of giving any advantage to their rival.”

Across the city, the Atlético Madrid players were back in training on Monday, aside from those away at the Copa America and Diego Costa, who according to AS has gone AWOL. As you'd expect, there is a whole lot of trouble brewing for the Vicente Calderón, with doubts over who will take over as first choice keeper and whether Diego Forlán and Kun Agüero will be staying. There’s also the matter of the legal tug of love over Spain U-21 forward, Adrián, with Deportivo and Atlético both arguing that the footballer is their property.

Then there’s the unfortunate situation of the five non-EU players in the first team squad when only three are allowed. One of those is Diego Godín who is a first-choice centre-back and two others are the Brazilian pair of Elías and Miranda who have only recently joined Atlético. This doesn’t look too good for Diego Costa - especially as the forward missed the first day of training - and the returning Salvio, although the Argentinean winger claims that he “wants to triumph” at the club.

With sulking club president, Enrique Cerezo, banned from talking about football (but failing to do so) and Miguel Angel Gil in charge of the running of the club, the early signs are that Atlético are going to be even more fun than normal in the season to come.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Forlan causes a stink as Jose makes another enemy

2011-07-04T10:28:00Z

MARCH

March began with Diego Forlán’s sulks and snippy comments to the press that he wasn’t exactly opposed to the concept of leaving Atlético supposedly leaving his teammates a tad miffed.

El País claimed the squad had adopted a new policy on the pitch called “not one ball to Blondie!” - a strategy Quique Sánchez Flores wearily denied, complaining that he was “tired of these situations”. Later in the month, the Atlético boss dropped the first hint he would be packing away his eyeliner and leaving the club at the end of season when noting that the Rojiblancos were “like a plane in constant turbulence.”

However, the one placid part of Atlético’s existence last season was the team’s performances in their derbies against Real Madrid, with the Calderón club continuing their splendidly lousy tradition in Madrid-based match-ups with a fourth defeat from four in the year to leave the forces of Mordor unbeaten against Atlético in 21 straight matches.

Although Madrid did the usual deed when facing Atlético, they managed to break with tradition by easing past Lyon to make it through to the Champions League quarter-finals for the first time in seven years. This did not appear to change José Mourinho’s mood one bit though, with the Special One picking a fight with Málaga manager Manuel Pellegrini, his predecessor at Real Madrid, by ‘being honest’ in a press conference ahead of a league game and commenting that “if Madrid sack me then I’m not going to Málaga, I’m going to a big club in Italy or England.”

Not content with that fine piece of diplomacy, Mourinho ended up getting into a slanging match with a plucky journalist, with both calling each other a hypocrite during a debate over whether Mourinho’s endless moans were legitimate complaints or mere excuses.

Barcelona were also in decent form and ended March with a five point lead over Real Madrid, although AS were stretching the point a tad when describing it as a “perfect” month given the two points dropped against Sporting.

The off-the-pitch nastiness between the two big guns was cranked up a notch when radio station COPE claimed an unnamed Real Madrid official had complained that anti-doping controls in Spain were not strong enough and that Barcelona were benefiting from this. COPE quickly withdrew the story and Barça began legal action, with Gerard Piqué warning that “anyone who accuses us of doping is playing with fire.”

The Catalan press were even more outraged than normal, and did not hold back when it came to pointing the finger at who they thought was behind the story. “This dirty war begun by Mourinho and supported by Florentino is intolerable,” stormed Josep María Casanovas in Sport.

Hércules found themselves at the bottom of the table, and deservedly so. The club decided to react to this news by sacking coach, Esteban Vigo, who had problems being paid along with the rest of the squad and did not have a permanent training centre for his side. But despite this, Vigo was made the scapegoat with Miroslav Djukic taking over with no change in the Alicante club’s fortunes whatsoever.

Meanwhile, reports filtered through from Australia concerning Racing’s owner, Ali Syed, and accusations of fraud in the region - accusations denied by the Indian-born businessman. However, it was almost impossible to get a straight answer from Syed, as sightings became an increasingly rare in Santander, leaving with club president Francisco Pernía to cover for his boss, churning out a string of excuses for his absence - from him enjoying a family birthday party at Euro Disney, to being grounded thanks to air traffic control problems.

The season's second strike threat fizzled out to nothing in rather typical fashion. This time the hubbub concerned Primera matches televised by free-to-air broadcasters and the league's desire for them to be shifted behind the fancy velvet curtain of pay-per-view televison - a wish at odds with a law ensuring at least one match a week would be broadcast for free. Fortunately common sense prevailed and the we were spared the shifting of the end of the league calendar to mid-June.

How Real Madrid adopted 'the Arsenal strategy' to get the better of Barca

2011-07-01T12:09:00Z

There was Pep Guardiola enjoying his holidays in Italy, playing a bit of golf, making nice with Johan Cruyff and sussing out which Serie A club will be the one he's going to manage next, when Marca comes along to ruin his fun and force his hairline into an even deeper defensive position.

Despite being Champions League and Spanish Primera über-slayers and favourites to repeat the feat next season, Wednesday’s edition of the Real Madrid fanzine calls out his Dream Boys, and kicks sand in the face of the Catalan club by boasting of a Madridista victory in an area that really matters. “The Madrid line-up is winning in youth,” gloated the front page, bragging that the starting line-up for the forces of Mordor is a sprightly 26 compared to the positively creaky 27.36 for the Qatar Foundation’s Barcelona.

“Mou is building a team for the next ten years!” exclaimed the special edition, using what has now become known as 'the Arsenal strategy’ - the perfect soothing ointment when your club pays over the odds for French youngsters the fans have never heard of and care relatively little about, such as new-boy Raphael ‘the new Hierro’ Varane.

Marca argue that this whopping one year difference in ages between the sides is a clear sign that, for Barça, ‘the end of the cycle’ - a much used phrase in the Madrid media - is nigh. Of course, take Eric Abidal, Carles Puyol and Xavi out of the paper’s statistical equation and focus on the more youthful spine of Gerard Piqué, Sergio Busquets, Leo Messi, Pedro, Thiago and (maybe) Cesc Fabregas, and Marca’s argument falls to pieces quicker than your average Atlético Madrid season.

"You'll win nothing with that bunch of old ba....oh, you did? Well done..."

In fact, the theory collapses after the first line, as the chances are that Mourinho will not even be in Madrid another ten months, never mind ten years, with Rafa Benítez or Míchel - which could be funny - likely to turn up in the summer of 2012 and change the squad completely, keeping with the Madrid tradition.

The Rojiblanco world has been spinning frantically this week, with David De Gea saying goodbye to the supporters in a farewell press conference on Wednesday while not looking the slightest bit bothered about leaving the club which grew and nurtured him and then stuck him behind Luis Perea for a season-and-a-half as some kind of ‘I’m a Goalkeeper, Get Me Out of Here!’ trial.

Enrique Cerezo’s promise to never talk about players due to the club president’s new purely institutional role lasted one whole day - which was longer than most of his other pledges, to be fair - when he noted that “if Kun plays for Madrid, it’s bad luck. If he plays for Sevilla, it’s better. If he plays for Liverpool then much better.”

Getafe Team Dubai continue to be positively Catalan in their approach to spending, despite the promises of big bucks when the Royal Emirates deal was announced. Another player has joined on a free transfer with defender Lopo jumping ship from Deportivo to make it four freebies and two loan deals for the Coliseum club, with €18.3 million worth of talent departing. This doubtlessly brilliant fund-raising strategy is enough to make LLL suspect Getafe may be the club who’ll be picking up Kun Agüero...

Racing Santander have found a replacement for former manager Marcelino, with bundle of joy Héctor Cúper signing on for a year and speaking of his aim to bring strength and a high work-rate to the side.

Club president, Francisco Pernía, is more interested in tracking down the club’s owner Ali Syed, to get him to pay what is owed to the Racing’s previous owners and the players. Pernía was also keen to distance himself from the mess whilst speaking in the third person as well. “I’m not talking as the Racing president, but Francisco Pernía has had an immaculate record,” boasted Francisco Pernía, modest to the end.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Ronaldo’s row, Forlán’s confession and turnip-snogging

2011-06-29T13:41:00Z

FEBRUARY
Diego Forlán's season-long sulk continued with comments made to Marca suggesting that he had long since given up winning over the Atletico Madrid fast. Some Rojiblanco supporters felt that the Uruguayan was less than dedicated to the cause, and had begun booing him even when he was on the bench – which was happening more frequently.

“Football is the cheapest form of psychological treatment for people,” shrugged Forlán, unaware that the cost of a season ticket at the Vicente Calderón is the most expensive way of going insane in the first place. “I’m not an Atlético fan, so it seems a lack of respect to kiss the badge,” said the striker, in a refreshingly honest admission.

Meanwhile, the contract extension for Rojiblanco loyalist Kun Agüero was still making news, with the club’s Director General Miguel Angel Gil promising that the inevitably Real Madrid-bound Argentinian is “not going to Real Madrid, this year or the next.” Let’s see how that works out.

Over in Mordor, the tiff of the month took place between Cristiano Ronaldo and Osasuna's all-round nut-job Walter Pandiani. Coming off the pitch at half-time during Madrid’s defeat to the Pamplona club, the two players had a bit of a stand-off.

Pandiani revealed that Ronaldo had asked how much the Osasuna forward earned, and not in a pleasant conversational way. Pandiani later noted that, had the question been posed in his home country, Ronaldo would have required an emergency dental appointment. “He’s a phenomenal player but he has a screw loose,” said a man who speaks from experience.

"I could buy you!" "And I could chin you…"

A goalless draw against Deportivo – words that were to be repeated a lot over the campaign – saw José Mourinho looking for more targets to blame as Real Madrid’s title chances diminished even further. On this occasion it was the fixture compilers, plus Deportivo for defending too well. It was a grumble that even had AS editor Alfredo Relaño in the poo-pooing camp.

“Mou complains a lot,” noted Relaño, accurately. “He complains about [the ref], the structure of the club, that Cristiano Ronaldo is fouled more than Messi, yellow cards, the fourth official, the calendar... he could fall into a caricature and he doesn’t need to.” For Catalan TV presenter Xavier Sardà, that had happened already with the observation that “Mou plays the role of an idiot extraordinarily well.”

Racing Santander’s bright new future under owner Ahsan Ali Syed began with the firing of Miguel Angel Portugal and the appointment of former boss Marcelino. However, there were still lingering doubts – not nearly enough, though – about who the Indian businessman was and what the heckety heck he was really up to. “None of my companies have debts and Racing will be no different,” said Ali Syed in response to questions on the currently indebted Cantabrian club.

And finally, Vicente del Bosque grabbed the moment of the month (OK, it happened in January but LLL has a complicated relationship with time) when being given a prize for leading Spain to a World Cup win by the Brotherhood of the Friends of the Turnip – a ceremonial act which involved the kissing of the vegetable in question. There’s a joke there about Fabio Capello and Graham Taylor but LLL certainly isn’t going to make it.

Madrid's ‘new Hierro’, Málaga's latest splurge and Cesc's 'imminent' arrival

2011-06-28T14:02:00Z

With Spain in the midst of a heatwave - it was 30 degrees in Madrid at nine in the morning for frack's sake - the lethargic, sweating sports press have given up the ghost a little as far as second guessing what’s going on in the transfer market is concerned, especially when it comes to 'the Big Two'.

So far it has been Málaga who have lead the way with the kind of swagger befitting of a post-bleach-job Guti. The €4 million signing of Joaquín from Valencia has taken their summer splurge on grizzly old timers just one last case away from handing in their badge and leaving the force to €28 million. The locals have understandably been getting most excited about the revolution taking place on the south coast, with 16,000 turning up to give the left-winger a big, warm and non-literal hand on his arrival.

The news of Getafe snapping up Juan Rodriguez from Deportivo and Sporting’s Diego Castro, on the other hand, will be unlikely to drag any more than six people to the Coliseum. And they would probably only be there to use the toilets.

Getafe’s backward hillbilly cousins, Atlético, have yet to admit to losing David De Gea to Manchester United, despite photographic evidence to the contrary, with their normally blabber-mouthed president coyly stating on Monday that he was “not going to take about the football side of the club anymore.” However, the Rojiblancos have announced the purchase of Braga fullback, Silvio, for €8 million.

Real Madrid hooked up some heart monitoring equipment to French central defender Raphael Varane and took a photo or two, after the 18-year-old joined from Lens, where he made just 20 league appearances. And that’s why most people have no idea whether the stopper is any good or not - even the French football expert quizzed by LLL had no clue - but that hasn’t stopped Marca ruining the poor fella’s career at Madrid before it has barely started by running a front page declaring Varane to be “the new Hierro”.

Nothing whatsoever seems to be happening in regards to departures from the Santiago Bernabeu, or the possible blockbuster purchases of Neymar, Kun Agüero or Fabio Coentrao. It’s a similar stationary story in the Catalan capital, with Mundo Deportivo going for broke by splashing the names “Alexis, Cesc, Nani” across Tuesday’s front cover, but urging caution in the transfer market on all three. “Those players who’ve been bought above market value haven’t worked. On the other hand, Busquets and Pedro have triumphed,” noted Santi Nolla.

But Sport have been bold enough to put all their chips on a certain Arsenal midfielder arriving sooner rather than later, with a welcome 2,000th repetition of their much-loved headline, “Cesc: Signing Imminent.” The paper reports that Arsenal will settle for an initial fee of €35 million for their captain and talisman. Quite what else they'd find to prattle on about for the next two months should this prove to be the case is a mystery...

La Liga Review 2010/11: Jose settles for Karim as Málaga find a hero

2011-06-27T11:35:00Z

JANUARY

If the culé collective’s sense of self-worth had drooped a little thanks to December’s announcement that Barcelona would be jumping into bed with the Qatar Foundation and leaving UNICEF as sloppy seconds, then it perked up in the new year when Leo Messi won the 2010 FIFA Ballon d’Or, with Andrés Iniesta and Xavi joining him to help Barça dominate the podium.

And boy was this moment of mid-season glory milked by the Catalan press until the udders had fallen off, with J.M Artells writing in Mundo Deportivo that “January 10 will be a sacred date in the culé calendar.”

The month got even better for Barcelona when Real Madrid dropped points in a draw against Almería and a defeat to Osasuna, leaving the league title as the Catalan side's to lose.

Of course, José Mourinho managed to find handy scapegoats for his scorn. Against Almería, it was the man-in-the-middle, Pérez Lasa, with Mourinho scoffing that “I’m not going to complain about the referee. I’ve known him since 1996 and the Señor Lasa of 2011 is exactly the same.” “He’s well informed as I wasn’t in la Primera in 1996,” replied the referee, whose first top flight match didn’t come until 1997.

Mourinho’s morale-boosting moans about the limited talents of a certain French international striker were also a dominant theme of the month, with the Madrid manager shrugging that “if I only have Karim, I play Karim" after being informed that Gonzalo Higuaín could be out for the rest of the campaign and that a replacement may not be arriving.

The Special One’s ire was also turned in the direction of Madrid’s Director General, Jorge Valdano, who noted after the Almería match that “there was a number nine on the bench, if there’s something this team is lacking, it isn’t goals.” His underling did not take too kindly to this crime of subordination committed during a TV interview and warned that “I’m too old for little messages being passed through the press.”

With the title race all but over, the Copa del Rey suddenly took on renewed importance for Madrid - less so for Barcelona - with both teams hacking their way through a quick rush of rounds to put themselves on the brink of a meeting in the final.

Talk began over the possibility of starting game at midday on a Sunday to attract the Asian market. It was a move that Atlético Madrid manager, Quique Sánchez Flores, approved off, noting that “you don’t know who football is planned for in Spain, certainly not the fans.”

The January transfer window allowed clubs the chance to make moves that would either lift them towards the Europe places or save their backsides from the trapdoor. Málaga were very much in the latter camp, with Julio Baptista arriving from Roma and going on to play a huge role in the club’s survival fight. Atlético thought they had pulled off a coup of their own when announcing Kun Agüero had extended his contract until 2014. But perhaps the most pertinent aspect of the deal was the fact that the forward’s buy-out clause had been reduced from €60 million to €45 million, making the Argentinean’s end-of-season revelation that he wanted to leave less of a surprise.

Up in Santander, Racing launched head-first into what turned out to be a terrible bit of business - and one that could have been avoided with a simple bit of Googling - when the club’s owners let Indian businessman, Ahsan Ali Syed, buy a majority stake in the institution. Or to put it correctly, make a down payment on the club seeing as the rest of what’s owed has yet to arrive, with the cheque presumably still in the post...

The heart-warming story of the season began in January, with Levante losing 1-0 to city rivals Valencia thanks to Juan Mata's suspiciously offside looking goal, leaving the club in the deepest of trouble and coach Luis García in despair. “I don’t want to train on Monday, I don’t feel like it,” complained the manager who has since jumped ship to Getafe. Fortunately he did, and just two weeks later, he had began to launch the mother of all survival campaigns.

Kun’s cunning plan & Barça’s Alexis agony

2011-06-24T10:35:00Z

Kun Agüero had a cunning plan. Drop the stink-bomb to his Atlético Madrid bosses that he wanted out; leg it to Argentina; wait for the offers to come rolling in – preferably from Real Madrid to save the hassle of moving house. There was only one problem with the plan: it was rubbish.

Currently, it appears there are no interested parties in Kun’s purchase, perhaps because of Atlético’s insistence on someone coughing up the striker’s €45m buyout clause. Real Madrid now seem to be swinging in Neymar’s direction, with the mohawk-sporting madman a constant on the front covers of both Marca and AS.

Although the Brazilian’s transfer is moving at the speed of tectonic plates, Pele has carried on his personal tradition of telling the local press whatever they want to hear by reassuring Marca that Neymar is “ready for the jump and I see him able to succeed at Madrid.”

To be fair, it's entirely possible that Atlético have a whole stack of offers for Kun piled up on the fax machine – it’s just that there’s no one around with the time to read them this week, due to some rather nasty behind-the-scenes battles.

A board meeting was held on Wednesday with the aim of fixing the institutional mess at the club which sees two people in charge, Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil, concurrently and often completely contradictorily.

Unsurprisingly, considering Gil sits alongside two of his family members on the seven-person Atlético board, it was the Director General who won the tussle by being given the responsibility of running the club. Current president Cerezo was reduced to an institutional role, which won’t lead to any conflict whatsoever in the season to come – despite the meeting being fairly heated, according to club shareholder Fernando García Abasolo: “It didn’t come to insults but there was a lot of tension.”

Meanwhile the Barcelona press are getting more than a little desperate as there is much ado about nothing on the transfers of Alexis Sánchez and Cesc Fabregas. The move for the Arsenal player will probably end up going nowhere as usual, but the purchase of the Udinese front man looks like being a tricky one with Barça trying to offload reluctant-to-leave squad players like Jeffren in the opposite direction.

One club with no such failure issues in the transfer sack are Málaga, who have been busy Andalusian bees in the close season. They've brought in Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jérémy Toulalan, Joris Mathijsen, Nacho Monreal, Diego Buonanotte, Sergio Sánchez – and now Joaquín, who joins from Valencia.

Racing are still in a right old mess of their own making, with Ahsan Ali Syed now being referred to in the Australian press as another Bernie Madoff due to accusations of an alleged pyramid scheme Down Under. Marca reports that Ali Syed has failed to pay instalments due to Racing’s former owners after his purchase of the Santander club in January and still owes money to players after four broken promises.

There was news of more financial lunacy in a fine El País story revealing that new Sevilla manager Marcelino is owed €1.5m by city rivals Real Betis, despite having never even managed the club.

The situation arose when Marcelino was fired by Zaragoza in 2009 and was given his pay-off in promissory notes from Betis, who had bought Sergio García from Zaragoza a year earlier. These notes bounced when cashed, leaving Marcelino as just one of the many creditors looking for their money back from Betis – the biggest being the taxman, who is owed €40m, just under half of Betis’s debt of €85m.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Mourinho’s new moans & Iniesta the alien

2011-06-22T14:07:00Z

DECEMBER
Another month in la Liga began with Spain more than a little freaked out by the memory of a chastened, crestfallen José Mourinho admitting that the better side won a game of football, without a single excuse or rant being deployed in the process. That was Mourinho’s response from Real Madrid's Camp Nou thrashing by Barcelona at the end of November, and was downright disturbing.

However, the Special One bounced back quickly enough and rediscovered his moaning mojo with a breathtaking array of grumbles. With Gonzalo Higuaín out of action with a back injury, the first complaint was aimed at Karim Benzema and his general uselessness. “If you go hunting and you only have a cat then you have to go out with a cat,” mused the Madrid manager. “If you have a hunting dog then it’s better.”

Mourinho was also targeting beastly opposition teams and how his own delicate players weren’t getting enough protection – a theme for the whole campaign. “It’s very easy to show cards to Real Madrid players, not so easy for others,” whined the Portuguese.

He was talking complete nonsense. The end-of-season figures showed that referees found it very easy indeed to give opposition players yellow cards, with 116 handed out to those who played Madrid – the third highest total in la Primera – and just 98 being given to Madrid players. The Santiago Bernabeu club were also given the most number of penalties with 12.

Towards the end of the month José decided to move up a gear by attacking his own bosses in Madrid and leaving for the winter break with suspicions that he would not be coming back. After a narrow – and truly awful – win over Sevilla, Mourinho marched into the post-match press conference waving a piece of paper that he said had been handed him by a club official, detailing 13 mistakes made by the referee.

Mourinho refused to read it but noted that if people at the club “want to hide behind the coach, then that’s fine,” whilst publicly calling for a meeting with Florentino Pérez. The taunt of “cry-baby” from Valencia boss Unai Emery was the best of the assorted responses to Mourinho’s moans, with the cackling Catalan press convinced he was cracking up.

Barcelona lost a key aspect of their current stupendous success – their overwhelming sense of moral superiority – by signing a five-year sponsorship deal with the Qatar Foundation for a reported €165m. Club president Sandro Rosell, a former Nike executive with a big love of branding, said that the partnership was completely compatible with the existing UNICEF agreement and claimed that “we needed to do it to pay the salaries.”

The response to the deal was less than enthusiastic amongst the culé collective, as it sees the UNICEF logo being moved to the back of the shirt in the season to come. “Barça is no longer more than just a club,” wrote Johan Cruyff, someone not exactly close to Rosell.

Atlético Madrid’s campaign continued to turn pear-shaped, with double defeat to Greek giants Aris Salonika contributing to the shortest of spells in the Europa League, the competition they were supposed to be defending.

The Rojiblancos then lost the occasionally excellent Simao, who was out of contract in the summer, and replaced the winger with Osasuna’s Juanfran, who is never excellent. Or even vaguely good, come to think of it.

Over at Hércules, the club’s inability to pay its players began to take its toll with Royston Drenthe refusing to train and then declining the chance to come back from the winter break, complaining that the only pay cheque the on-loan Real Madrid winger had received was August’s.

In something that LLL believes may classify as ironic, Valencia sponsors “The Valencia Experience” fully lived up to the name and neatly summed up the Mestalla mob’s last couple of years by owing the club a reported sum of €6m.

Racing Santander coach Miguel Angel Portugal gave a strong indication that his days in Cantabria would be coming to an end, insulting his team after a defeat by claiming some of them were “overrated”.

And Andrés Iniesta, one of the most gifted midfielders of his generation, scorer of his country’s World Cup winning goal, showed that he really was a hybrid between Mr Spock, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and a Miss World winner by admitting that “I’m happier to be a role model for kids than winning sporting prizes.” Donations to pay for a drink-, drug- and hooker-stuffed trip to Vegas for the Barça man started flooding in soon after.

NOVEMBER Madrid's Barça bath & Preciado punches back
OCTOBER No Plan B for Barça & Mourinho's blacklist
SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

La Liga Review 2010/11: Madrid's Barça bath & Preciado punches back

2011-06-21T09:31:00Z

NOVEMBER
A rampant Real Madrid began November on top of the table with the Capital City media so desperate to praise the club’s Special One that they were gouging each other’s eyes out and scrapping in the streets like a mother-daughter rumble outside a roller-disco.

TV channel Cuatro scampered onto the pitch after a game to get hold of some of José Mourinho's discarded tactical scribblings and sent them to a handwriting expert whose correct name escapes the blog. Charlatan, perhaps.

The aforementioned expert played by the local rules and declared that the Madrid manager was the bestest person in the whole universe, claiming he was “quick thinking”, had “huge leadership abilities”, was “noble” and had a massive winkie to boot.

Not to be left out in the fawning stakes, Marca wrote that “the manager is on top of everything: tactics, fitness, if the pitch is good or bad, if Pedro León or Karim Benzema need more or less affection. He’s right in almost every department.” That wasn’t to be the case a few weeks later when Real Madrid were given a “bath”, as they say locally, by Barcelona in a 5-0 demolition in the Camp Nou.

“A thrashing! Humiliation! Leaders!” squealed the front page of Sport the morning after the night before. Mundo Deportivo responded to Cristiano Ronaldo's rather rubbish taunt after Barcelona’s humiliation of Almería the previous week – “Let’s see if they score eight on Monday” – with Joan Paqui chuckling that “it wasn’t eight, but it nearly was.”

Tomás Roncero, writing in AS, was vowing sweet revenge, having seen Barcelona become league leaders after the victory. “The season is long, in April there’ll be a Clásico in the Bernabeu, you know how it will be then,” promised the crazed columnist. In the end there were two Clásicos in Madrid in April and neither were victories for Mourinho's men, so Roncero was quite right.

"If they do score eight, Cris, I'm gonna slap you"

Before that match, Mourinho had become embroiled in one of his many spats this season by suggesting that Sporting coach Manuel Preciado had fielded a weakened line-up in a 1-0 defeat against Barcelona. The popular Preciado responded by calling his counterpart a “scumbag” and suggested that Mourinho sit out a suspension in a game against his team with the club’s Ultras.

Málaga's ongoing drop-zone problems saw them sack Jesualdo Ferreira and replace the Portuguese with former Madrid manager and Marca hate-figure Manuel Pellegrini. José Aurelio Gay, coach of table-bottoming Zaragoza, knew his bacon was greased when his club president promised that he would be “on the bench next Monday and Tuesday.” Gay was fired days later and replaced by former Atlético Madrid and Mexico coach Javier Aguirre.

Off the field, a feud over the signing of a new TV deal between Real Madrid and Barcelona and a group of rebels lead by Sevilla and Villarrreal broke out, with the latter wanting a fairer slice of the financial pie and refusing to sign a proposal offered up by the Big Boys.

“We have the worst big league in Europe,” complained Sevilla president José Maria Del Nido, while his Villarreal counterpart Fernando Roig told the Spanish media that “we are fighting to make sure it isn’t a league of two, although a lot of you don’t agree.”

La Liga’s comedy club of the campaign, Hércules, continued its merry way with on-loan winger Royston Drenthe getting caught by the fuzz for blasting through the streets of Alicante in his car at 4am, jumping six red lights in the process. The Real Madrid man told the cops that he was rushing off to the hospital as he thought his passenger who was dying, as opposed to being completely paralytic which was apparently the case.

Don Balón magazine's annual award for prettiest Primera player was handed out in November with lovely Athletic Bilbao central defender Aitor Ocio receiving the prize – and an awful lot of teasing from his teammates, no doubt.

OCTOBER No Plan B for Barça & Mourinho's blacklist
SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

Granada back in the big time after rock-throwing play-offs

2011-06-20T11:16:00Z

Are you sitting down? If not, find a perch immediately. For LLL has some shocking news to reveal: Spain's football bosses have had a good idea.

Launching a play-off process for promotion to la Primera for the clubs finishing third through to sixth in la Segunda was, for once, a sound concept. Certainly better than the current ridiculous rule which allows clubs in administration not to pay their players or suppliers but still do transfer deals.

Economically, the play-offs are a good thing for a bunch of beleaguered, cash-strapped second division sides battling for the available places as it gives them more meaningful games at the end of the season. What’s more, the process can also help prevent any ‘odd’ results and goalkeeping performances that cause scandals from time to time by giving more teams more to play for at the end of the campaign. LLL is looking at you, Hércules. But not in an accusatory way, of course.

Although Barcelona’s second side finished in third this year, Luis Enrique’s former team were barred from going up – leaving Elche, Granada, Celta and Valladolid to go into battle, as they did almost literally, with the second leg of the final finishing on Saturday night in a rather unpleasantly violent manner.

In the semi-finals, Elche disposed of Valladolid whilst Granada squeaked through against Celta on penalties – throwing the third- and fourth-placed teams together in a duel. Last Wednesday's first leg in Granada ended goalless, leaving the tie as open as Atlético Madrid's exit door.

And so Saturday night saw a 39,000 sell-out Elche’s Martínez Valero stadium. Playing a match of such importance at nine at night was necessary because of the heat and TV audiences, but it certainly increased chances of some fans becoming a touch tired and emotional before, during and after the match – something which became clear when the final whistle went.

Granada took the lead through a great solo effort from Ighalo in the first half. Elche then had a perfectly good goal disallowed for offside, but did pull one back with 10 minutes to go. However, Granada hung on for dear life to win a place back in la Primera after a 35-year absence.

Their opponents weren’t in the mood to shake their hands and give them a pat on the back with supporters running onto the pitch to have a pop at the Granada players – including goalkeeper Roberto, who was hit on the back.

The heckles were just as high on the benches, with Granada manager Fabri being sent off with two minutes to go and Elche coach José Bordalás accusing his counterpart of doing a bit of an ‘up yours’ gesture after Granada’s goal, although LLL would suggest it was more of a ‘Come on Tim!’ Henman-style fist pump.

“Fabri is not worthy of his profession. I didn’t like anything about his attitude or the way he behaved,” ranted the taking-defeat-on-the-chin Bordalás. “He gave off the image of a regional manager – at the end he came over to provoke us.”

That was certainly what small sections of the Elche support did before and after the game, with bottles and rocks among the objects thrown at the Granada team bus as it arrived at the stadium. TV pictures also showed objects being hurled at the celebrating Granada supporters in the stands after the game, despite riot police and security staff trying to control the situation. “Intolerable aggressions which betray the values of sport and exceed the excitement felt by football,” wrote Marca’s editorial on Sunday.

The question now is whether Granada have any chance of staying up next season. The club’s rise and rise to the top flight has been quite remarkable, with back-to-back promotions out of the Segunda B division under Fabri, an experienced coach now at his 24th club.

Technically, Granada are in an administration process with debts of €7m but that isn’t really an issue in Spanish football with clubs allowed to continue on their merry way despite such a burden around their neck.

Granada are benefiting heavily from a deal signed in 2009 with Udinese, who had links with current president Enrique Pina. “They have backed our project with economic investment and above all players,” explained the Granada president, referring to the 12 members of the squad currently on loan from Udinese. This may help boost Granada’s survival chances next year, with talk of Barcelona players being loaned to the Andalusian outfit as part of the deal for Alexis Sánchez from Udinese.

Granada may well go into the new campaign as one of the strong favourites to go down, but the club’s Italian connection may well give la Primera’s newest members a helping hand.

No football? Who cares? Madrid & Barça still fight

2011-06-17T11:44:00Z

“Good effort, pats on the back and hip, hip, hooray!” is Friday's message from LLL, with Barcelona and Real Madrid proving that they don’t need football to have an unseemly cat-fight and keep everyone momentarily diverted from pretending to be interested in U-21 football all of a sudden.

Just when hostilities had died down in the siesta-inducing summer sun one month after the Clásico craziness, Barcelona president Sandro Rosell decided to stoke the embers of this particular footballing barbecue with a full-on, take-our-ball-home, not-fair strop aimed at evil Real Madrid.

Reading from a statement at a press gathering on Thursday afternoon, Rosell complained that “we believe that this season Real Madrid has gone beyond all the limits of the necessary sporting rivalry, making accusations against our club that have no foundation.”

NEWS Thu 16 Jun Rosell restokes Real war of words

The Barça boss was in part referring to an accusation published by radio station COPE in which a journalist claimed that an unnamed source at Real Madrid was suggesting that Barça were doping their players – an accusation that was withdrawn by the station a day later. However, Rosell felt that Madrid were not strong enough in distancing themselves from the story at the time.

“I can assure you that if someone in the name of FC Barcelona had made an accusation of this kind we would have acted with firmness, denying it immediately and taking those responsible to court,” said a strident Rosell.

The Barcelona president was also miffed at José Mourinho’s rambling hints that the Catalan club were the beneficiaries of a UEFA-UNICEF-Illuminati plot to ensure that they are Europe’s top team along with the accusations of cheating from Barça players and racism from Busquets during the Champions League semis. Rosell then threatened that if Madrid were to follow a similar path next year then “Barça will be obliged to look at breaking off relations.”

Over in Mordor, Madrid mused for a while on their response and issued a reply five hours later saying that the club “regrets the unfortunate statement” made but understood that Barça’s board were under pressure from the local media to take “a more aggressive attitude towards our entity.”

The statement continued by claiming that the accusations of doping had nothing to do with anyone at the club and everything was denied at the time. It also noted tit-for-tat that “Barcelona lodged an astonishing formal complaint against the coach of Real Madrid at UEFA, something unprecedented in the relations between our clubs.” The official response concluded by reinforcing the message that Madrid would continue its commitment to fair play and the battle against racism. Unlike another club, perhaps, was the between-the-lines hint.

The response to the rumble in the Madrid media was unusually tame with AS editor Alfredo Relaño opining that Rosell’s tone was “firm but not excessive” and pointed out that “Mourinho is the real problem in these relations. Barça hate him and are afraid of him. Madrid are afraid of him too but need him.”

Marca felt that Rosell was stirring unnecessarily but asked in Friday's editorial that “the two most important clubs in the world limit themselves to a strictly sporting realm. Real Madrid and Barcelona are much more than this and should set an example for the millions of fans they represent.”

Over in the Catalan capital, Sport have got their cavalry and bugles out to support their club president in his forceful discourse. “It was tough but impeccable,” wrote Josep María Casanovas. “It’s a way of saying ‘Enough!’ From now on, no more nonsense from the Portuguese coach will be tolerated and it also demands that Florentino Pérez’s club do not overstep the limits of sporting behaviour with dirty tactics. It’s his ultimatum.”

Writing in Mundo Deportivo, whose headline screams of an “Ultimatum to Madrid”, Santi Nolla reports that “Rosell stood up to Madrid and told him that he would not cross his arms if Mou-Flo sully the name of Barça once again, like they did last season.”

Barcelona’s rather strident tone in its accusations at Real Madrid and the stroppy response from the Santiago Bernabeu suggest that this is battle that is going to become even more unseemly over the next season, especially with a Super Cup double-header to come in August.

LLL expects more insults, slurs, handbag-bashing and a fair bit of slander thrown in for good measure.

And LLL can’t wait.

The worst cup draw ever?

2011-06-15T15:40:00Z

When you ask the president of one of the clubs involved in a draw to actively participate in it too, you're always asking for trouble. But that's what the Spanish FA did when letting Pablo Córdoba, president of Alcobendas Sport, take part in a draw for the promotion play-offs for the Segunda B division – the third tier of Spanish football.

Images released by segoviaaldia.es show Córdoba to be particularly chuffed by drawing Arandina out of the bowl – unusual, considering the second team had yet to be selected. Amazingly enough, that second team turned out to be his own.

"People are free to be suspicious," said Cordoba when asked about the images, admitting that Arandina was geographically nearer than another side in the draw making it a preferred choice, "but I assure you we haven't cheated anyone. I had a wish and a desire, nothing more."

Check out what happened from 3.45 to 4.17 – and watch the hands...

Why Barça should sign Vidic, not Cesc – and Real should bag Bale

2011-06-15T11:31:00Z

LLL has a tiny brain when it comes to football tactics. Public questions about how a manager should improve their flagging side during a game are normally answered with a muttered "tell them to play better". Then again, the blog suspects that’s what the €10m-a-year coaches of world football are doing, but writing in on a tablet computer instead.

Nevertheless, this general ignorance has not stopped LLL from stepping into Pep and José’s hand-crafted Italian shoes to tell them who they should sell and buy this summer...

BARCELONA
Defence
In key games last season, Carles Puyol played at left-back and Javier Mascherano in central defence. That's a clear suggestion that some holes need to be plugged at the back – no Gerard Piqué love-life joke intended.

Barça have wasted nearly €70m in past seasons trying to find a permanent replacement to Puyol – stand up Henrique, Dmytro Chygrynskiy, Gaby Milito, Martín Cáceres. They'd have been better purchasing a crash test dummy and sticking a Deirdre Barlow wig on it.

That needs to be fixed with a poach for Milan’s Thiago Silva, as is reported this week in the Spanish press – or Nemanja Vidic, to continue the tradition of Manchester United being Barça’s centre-back feeder club – along with the promotion of one of the cantera players such as Andreu Fontás, who started five league games last season.

Knee-knacked Carles Puyol is far from being proper cover for Dani Alves at right-back, so maybe Barça should promote Spain U21 player Martín Montoya from their reserves if there isn't a Maxwell or Adriano type available for a decent price.

"Hello Leo. Need a big lad at the back?"

Midfield
Considering Barcelona are domestic and continental champions, money's a little tight at the Camp Nou, with a kitty of just €45m plus cash from sales. With the squad already a touch on the slender side, the big question is should Barcelona splurge everything – either almost all the cash or a good slice of it with several fringe players thrown in – on Cesc Fabregas, with only a few minor players added otherwise?

LLL’s instructions are to wait a year. The midfield isn’t a priority area for reinforcement; if a despondent Cesc has a dog of a season at Arsenal he might lose €10m or so in value by next summer, when the Catalan club’s finances will be in better order. With the emergence of Spain U21 star Thiago, things seem to be fine for the Dream Boys in this department.

Attack
Pep should flog Bojan (wanted by Barça back-roomer turned Roma boss Luis Enrique) and Jeffren while he still can. Both seem too flimsy, not to mention being poorer copies of what Barça already have as options up front.

Rather than going for Alexis Sánchez or Giuseppe Rossi – who wouldn’t be a bad idea nonetheless – Guardiola should revert to his Big Man Up Front Plan B concept, the one which saw Zlatan Ibrahimovic brought in at huge expense but moved out due to bad ‘feeling’.

This means the purchase of Fernando Llorente from Athletic Bilbao for €30m. Since breaking into the Spain team the big forward has already proved he can fit in with the tiki-taka give-and-go fancy-pants football, so slotting in alongside so many of the same players for Barcelona shouldn’t be a problem. And Llorente’s ego isn't so inflated that he would demand to start every game either. Easy.

The blog also likes the idea of picking up Frédéric Kanouté for a year, just to have him about as a Henrik Larsson type figure.

In – Thiago/Vidic, Llorente, Thiago, Kanouté (plus Fontás and Montoya)
Out – Bojan, Jeffren and Hleb (if he' still a Barça player)

REAL MADRID
Defence
Much depends on whether José Mourinho is going to move Sergio Ramos permanently to play at centre-back alongside Pepe, Ricardo Carvalho or Raúl Albíol. If so, the middle is filled nicely. LLL would therefore suggest that skinflint Florentino Pérez gets the dusty chequebook out for once with some flying full-backs to add a bit of competition for Marcelo and Alvaro Arbeloa and zip up the wings: Gareth Bale and Maicon should be a snip at €70m between them. The sale of Ezequiel Garay can probably fund about one fourteenth of that.

"Hmm, this lot seem quite handy…"

Midfield
José Mourinho has already been busy this summer, bringing in Hamit Altintop, Nuri Sahin and former Espanyol midfielder José Callejón. The first should be a handy if unexciting utility player, the second is cover for Xabi Alonso, the third is baffling.

To make room, Madrid are going to have to shift a few players. Lassana Diarra says he wants to leave, as does Lady Gago. Either of them should be easy enough to flog to Arsenal; Pepe can always cover Sami Khedira in case of injury or suspension.

Returning loanee Royston Drenthe will almost certainly leave and that’s an option that should also be taken by Esteban Granero, who's more than good enough to play for a top six team in Spain but perhaps not the top two.

Pedro León may want to think about his options as well, considering Mourinho seems to hate his guts. If Madrid are looking for another expensive splurge then LLL would recommend Santi Cazorla, just for the heck of it, although the playmaker may not fit into Madrid’s scheme of things and could be wasted on the bench.

Attack
As Mourinho is now his own sporting director, the Madrid manager is going to get his four strikers at last. At the moment these are Karim Benzema, Gonzalo Higuaín, a youth teamer called Alvaro Morata (that was the plan last season, any way) and one other spot that could well be filled by Emmanuel Adebayor.

If Madrid can agree a fee with Manchester City and wages with the striker, then the loan deal should be made permanent. If not, then €45m on Kun Agüero is a good shout – although it would create a nightmare trying to keep all the forwards happy unless Mourinho manufactures a major tactical switch for next season. As for Neymar, LLL's advice is "Run away, run away".

It may hurt Florentino Pérez to do so, but it's time to bite the bullet on Kaká and flog him to Chelsea or Manchester City on a cut-price deal and have Sergio Canales as the back-up to Mesut Özil.

In – Bale, Maicon, Adebayor/Agüero
Out – Kaká, Lassana Diarra, Drenthe, Pedro León, Garay, Granero, Gago

Review of the Season: No plan ‘B’ for Barça & Mourinho’s blacklist

2011-06-14T12:16:00Z

OCTOBER
Real Madrid ended October above Barcelona after perfect month – essential in a league where dropping a single point is as advisable as jamming your todger in a toaster. Pep’s Dream Boys carelessly threw away two precious points at the Camp Nou in a 1-1 draw against Mallorca, prompting mass panty-bunching panic in the Catalan capital.

“Guardiola has no plan B to dynamite defences that are made of concrete,” fretted Joan Batlle in Sport, suggesting a tactic only permitted in the fourth tier of Spanish football.

More interesting in Mordor was how Madrid would cope in the Copa del Rey and Champions League, two competitions in which the club had wobbled in recent years. Against Murcia, José Mourinho was so mindful of another Copa catastrophe like the previous season's knock-out by Alcorcón that he threatened to send any underperformers to the same place as Pedro León: dead to him. “If they don’t play well, then I’ll stick Castilla [second team] players on the bench.”

The first leg down south was a goalless draw, a result that satisfied Mourinho more than his opposite number. “I’m upset: I told the players that if they didn’t repeat Alcorcón then they’ll be on my blacklist,” joshed mirthful Murcia manager Iñaki Alonso.

Madrid faced a tougher test in the Champions League with the visit of Milan, an opportunity game which gave Mourinho a chance to indulge his favourite hobby of insulting opposition managers. In response to an apparent spat with Milan boss Massimo Allegri during his Serie A spell, the Special One claimed modestly that there was nowt betwixt the pair: “What rivalry can there be between a double European champion and a coach playing his third Champions League game?”

The main news in Barcelona – the fun stuff, anyway – was more mudslinging between current president Sandro Rosell and former bigwig Joan Laporta, with Rosell trying to brand his predecessor financially incompetent.

Receipts were published revealing that Laporta’s regime had blown €90,000 on 1644 guest tickets for a Camp Nou U2 concert and an eyebrow-raising €2m on private detectives between 2005 and 2009.

After an audit of the club’s coffers, Rosell claimed that Barça hadn't made the €11m profit Laporta claimed for the previous season but a €79m loss. Laporta's retort that “they have manipulated the accounts we presented” left everyone baffled as to who to believe. The eventual consensus seemed to be 'neither'.

Zaragoza continued their poor start to the season and sat bottom of the table. One place above them were Deportivo, who managed their first win of the month on October’s last day. At the beginning, coach Miguel Angel Lotina was still in high spirits claiming that “only the mediocre resign,” but towards the end the poor fella was feeling the strain: “I’ve spent two nights without a wink of sleep and yesterday I had to ask the club doctor for help.” LLL isn't sure whether Lotina asked the doc for medication or to play up front.

Málaga’s big-money quest to be la Liga’s reference point of the south wasn’t quite going to plan, with the side sitting third-bottom by October's end. But this was no dullard Deportivo side: Málaga were wonderful to watch at both ends, with the team going into their clash a few weeks earlier with Real Madrid as la Primera’s top scorers whilst possessing the worst defensive record.

New boys Hércules were learning fast that for a club to survive in la Primera, it helps to have a few basics like training facilities and salaries. The Alicante outfit didn't have their own practice ground and were travelling about for 300km a week to practice at four different venues – no doubt being kicked off by the nasty big boys at each one. “You can’t imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitches,” complained manager Esteban Vigo.

Cheat of the month, but with a fine excuse, went to Almería’s Juanma Ortiz – who managed to get Málaga’s Eliseu sent off after a challenge in which he later admitted there hd been no contact. “He could have hurt me had he done it!” claimed the midfielder in a defence worse than Málaga's.

SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

Review of the season: Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça’s expensive past

2011-06-13T13:43:00Z

September

The month may have begun with the odd and more than a little disturbing sight of Atlético Madrid at the top of the table, but it ended with the very pretty picture of Valencia and Villarreal as the top two, with Barcelona and Real Madrid for once playing catch-up.

Pep’s Dream Boys were suffering from the home defeat at the hands of Hércules in the second round - a loss that ultimately proved to be a bit of a one-off fluke - while José Mourinho was making few friends in Mordor, with blooming awful football and a second goalless draw in five, against Levante.

“At the moment, Madrid are boring us, it must be said loud and clear,” announced AS editor Alfredo Relaño after a grindingly efficient 1-0 win against Osasuna at the Santiago Bernabeu, Mourinho’s home league debut. The Madrid man’s defence for a stuttering start was a lack of training time with his full squad due to the World Cup and September internationals, along with the oft overlooked fact that he is “not Harry Potter.”

The supporters certainly didn’t buy the excuses, with the home crowd booing their performances - something that Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t take too well to. “It would be better if they helped us by motivating us to improve,” retorted the forward, fighting against decades of tradition in the grumpy Santiago Bernabeu stands.

Ronaldo was then fighting against Iker Casillas, with the club captain siding with girlfriend Sara Carbonero, by admitting that his colleague was egotistical, "but not in a bad way.”

"Hey, if I was egotistical, would I bring a microphone onto the pitch...?"

Mourinho appeared to be just as bored as the Madrid supporters, and even tried to manage Portugal for a couple of games just to pass the time after Carlos Queiroz was given the post-World Cup elbow. This particular door was slammed in Jose's face with the former Inter boss admitting that “the Madridista family would see it in a negative way.”

This didn't stop him moaning that looking after the likes of Esteban Granero and Marcelo during an international break was like “ten days of holiday.”

Over in the Catalan camp, and Marca had fashioned a dramatic “Corruption at Barça!” logo in response to invoices released by the new regime showing Joan Laporta and his board had perhaps been a little fast and loose with the club’s expense account - something denied by the former president who attacked the “Spanish media cavern” for trying to besmirch his reputation as he looked to embark on a political career.

Laporta’s claims were not aided when a photo of him covered in champagne in a night club, holding a cigar and looking rather ‘relaxed’ was leaked, and things got even worse when it was reported he had spent €420,000 on watches for the players - explained away as something to make “life comfortable for the footballers.”

Former VP, Alfonso Godall, then claimed that “the president of Barcelona can’t travel in tourist class or go by bus or metro with a ten journey pass,” like other mere mortals.

Barcelona responded to these stories by issuing a typically pompous code of conduct for the team’s directors, employees and players and very little has been heard of the accusations of expense splurging since.

Over at Villarreal, club president Fernando Roig was trying to ditch the great Primera tradition of two presidents who clearly despise each other being forced to sit next to eachother during matches and not express any emotion whatsoever. Roig wanted to be able to keep his own company and revealed that “I’ve spent some time proposing this to la Liga.”

An early indication of Deportivo’s eventual relegation came when the team failed to score a goal from open play in their first five games. Although Miguel Angel Lotina’s mind-blowingly dull men grabbed two in a draw against Getafe, both strikes were penalties. Aside from that, four other games ended with a big, fat zero on the Deportivo scoresheet.

The first sacking of the season came at Sevilla with the very predictable dismissal of Antonio Alvarez after just six months in charge. The southern side were lacking a little élan in la Liga and were also knocked out of the Champions League in the preliminary stages by unfancied Braga.

Espanyol saw another sign of Spain’s peculiar penalty system, with José Callejón fined €3,000 for revealing a t-shirt tribute to Dani Jarque - considerably more than the fines doled-out to those cheeky-beggars who intentionally threw extra balls onto the pitch, a late season trend which cost only €602 for the offending club.

Why it won’t be Barça v Barça next season

2011-06-10T14:54:00Z

If you apply a couple of tweaks to our universe - and to the one inhabited by Marca for good measure - then we’d all be enjoying Barcelona and Barcelona ‘B’ playing in la Primera next season in a tiki-taka paradise.

It isn’t going to be possible, but that’s probably a good thing all round. It's good for the Madridista press, who would have had to churn out twice the amount of whining bilge about refereeing conspiracies, and it's good for the Catalan crazies, who are spared from having to double their content of unquestioning sycophancy and fawning in regards to anything concerning the Camp Nou club.

The two tweaks that would be required are firstly to change the rule that says a club’s first and second teams may not participate in the same division and secondly to alter the play-off system that has been introduced for the first time in la Liga for promotion from la Primera to la Segunda.

Although Barcelona ‘B’ finished third in the division behind Betis and Rayo Vallecano, they are barred from both promotion and the play-offs, which means the clubs finishing fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh are taking part in home-and-away semis and a two-legged final.

Elche, Granada, Celta and Valladolid played the first leg of the semi-finals this week and rather than being a joyous occasion it was all a little bit tragic as two of these four clubs are just as much in the financial basket-case category as promoted sides Betis and Rayo Vallecano.

Champions Betis are in Spain’s version of administration with players going unpaid due to club debts hovering “between €64m in the best of cases and around €90m in the worst” according to a report issued by administrators.

Runners-up Rayo Vallecano, who finished second are in the early stages of administration having long since given up on the concept of paying their staff. Of the teams involved in the play-offs, Granada are also in the administration process and Celta Vigo are only just recovering from their own financial nightmares.

These two sides faced each other in Vigo on Wednesday and it was Celta who took a 1-0 lead into this weekend’s second leg. Of the four play-off contenders, Celta Vigo are perhaps the team best equipped to mount a survival challenge in la Primera. Although the Galicians have been out of the top flight for four seasons, it's only five years ago that they managed to finish sixth. In a similar situation to Real Sociedad and their own road to recovery, Celta have looked to their youth academy to drag them back towards la Primera again.

Andalusian side Granada have been out of the top flight since 1988 and have spent a large chunk of the last decade in the desolate wasteland that is the third tier of Spanish football. However, Granada are now looking at back-to-back promotions with a team largely made up of loanees from Udinese, due to a deal struck with the Serie A side that sees Ghanian international defender Jonathan Mensah turning out for the Spanish club.

Valladolid finished seventh in the division but have a 1-0 advantage in their clash with Elche. Sunday's second leg takes place over on the east coast in a whopper of a ground that holds 39,000 – not bad considering Elche haven't been in La Primera since 1978.

Whilst this play-off process has been taking place, three Primera sides have appointed new managers. Luis García was presented before at least 15 Getafe supporters on Thursday having penned a three year deal – a confident contract for a confident coach. Levante have replaced Luis García with Juan Ignacio, who was at second division side Cartagena.

Atlético Madrid are set to unveil Gregorio Manzano on Friday in a one year deal - LLL will make no comment there except to say that the former Sevilla man is a ‘safe pair of hands’ but hardly sets the pulses running amongst the Vicente Calderón faithful.

Elsewhere, the Spanish press is in full transfer speculation mode with the Catalan papers banging the Cesc Fabregas drum again and trying to work out what Alexis Sánchez is up to. Meanwhile, in Madrid's world, it’s all about potential deals for Kun Agüero, Neymar and Fabio Coentrao - none of which have progressed one inch in the two weeks since the stories started up, with little change expected in the next seven days.

Review of the season: Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

2011-06-08T10:41:00Z

August

The month began as most do in la Liga - with a big, stinky controversy fishier than a Valencia pavement café which was only cast aside by the Spanish press when José Mourinho said something particularly outrageous and offensive.

This particular bit of dodgy business focussed on Hércules - one of the more colourful clubs in la Primera last season - with reports suggesting particular members of the Alicante side may have ‘encouraged’ opposition teams to perhaps not try as hard as they might during the club’s promotion campaign from la Segunda the previous season.

An Alicante judge investigating potential criminal acts in one of the mafia’s most beloved of business enterprises, rubbish collection, came across a taped phone call of Hércules owner, Enrique Ortiz, reportedly chatting with a buddy about one particular rigged match against Córdoba.

At this point, it is definitely worth noting that everyone at Hércules, including Córdoba and the players involved in the match in question, denied any such skullduggery. The claims could not be backed-up with hard evidence, prompting the Spanish FA and Spanish League to archive the investigation through lack of evidence, with the judge unable to hand over the apparently incriminating recording as it formed part of a completely separate investigation.

Another motivating factor for a spot of head-burying for Spain’s football big wigs must have been the chaos that would have ensued had Hércules been found guilty, with a reorganisation of the promotion and relegation places in la Segunda required just days before the start of the Spanish season, or even midway through it.

Barcelona also found themselves in a bit of a pickle, with Pep Guardiola keen to offload his madcap man-mountain, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Having become another player that the Barça boss had no ‘feeling’ for - we'll call it a bout of Eto’o-itis - the month's back pages were dominated by talk of what the Dream Boys would do with their expensive Swede.

"If you're under my roof, you live by my rules!!!"

‘Nothing’ was the initial reaction from Zlatan’s agent, Mino Raiola, who moaned on the August 18 that he was “tired of the speculation” over his client. This attitude changed days later when the forward was dropped for a Spanish Super Cup clash with Sevilla, forcing a loan deal with AC Milan with a view to his eventual purchase.

It was at that point the yummy nastiness began, with Zlatan complaining that his manager barely had any contact with him. “If I have only spoken to him twice in the last six months, it’s for a reason,” confirmed Pep. “I’d go into a room, he’d leave it. I don’t know if he was afraid of me,” fumed Zlatan who is still unaware that pretty much every one in the world pees their pants every time the giant, martial arts-loving, short tempered old rogue comes into view. Especially after he has been dropped for a key match...

The month began badly within the Forces of Mordor, with permanently crocked Kaká in trouble for failing to report his knee-knack to Real Madrid before going on holiday. There was even a school of thought that he should have sat out the World Cup in South Africa to recover from his rather uncomfortable-sounding groin issues.

José Mourinho then began a familiar refrain that would eventually lead to a huge falling-out and the eventual sacking of Director General, Jorge Valdano. “Real Madrid can’t play 10 months of competition with two strikers,” complained the manager, who was just starting to grow tired of Karim Benzema’s somewhat lackadaisical attitude to training.

With Kaká showing no signs of being fully fit ever again, Madrid turned to Werder Bremen’s Mesut Özil, a forward who Mundo Deportivo took great delight in pointing out had confessed the previous year that he had “been a fan of Barcelona ever since I was a little boy."

The ever reliable Luis Fabiano proved once again to all doubters that he was committed to the Sevilla cause by revealing that “I think my future is with Sevilla, the truth is that I’ve not had one thought about leaving this year.” That changed seven months later when the forward legged it back to Brazil and Sao Paolo.

Atlético Madrid began the campaign with the usual high spirits and a rotund Diego Costa who moaned that “I suffered a lot losing the weight I put on.” The Rojiblancos even lead the table after the first round of matches after a 4-0 win over Sporting, a weekend of games that saw Dull Deportivo’s first of eight goalless draws and an opening day 0-0 for Real Madrid at Mallorca.

It was at this point that AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, clearly decided to curse the Vicente Calderón club with the soothing opinion that “they start the year at peace, with a team people like and accept. They are good up front and safe at the back.”

It was a situation that was to last just a couple more weeks once September came around...

Atlético fall off managerial merry-go-round as public vote for Aragonés

2011-06-07T14:30:00Z

Pretty much the only workers in Spain making any kind of decent money these days - legally, that is - are contract lawyers. These legal eagles have been locked in boardrooms around the country trying every tactic from clauses only visible to themselves to blubbing uncontrollably in order to get their football manager clients out of their current inconvenient deals.

Of course, the whole process will be repeated again in a year’s time probably, with the same itchy footed clients, but for the moment there are quite a few clubs looking at filling their managerial vacancies by pinching somebody else's coach.

Sevilla are the latest to pull off such a trick, by unveiling Marcelino - the manager who had only just rejoined Racing for a second spell back in February - as the Andalucian club's third new boss in a year. The coach with the most famous duffel coat in the land was tempted to Sevilla by the chance of managing in Europe and working at a club with a lot less confusion and confrontation behind the scenes, having fallen out with Racing owner Ahsan Ali Syed. “He cheated us and broke all of his promises,” fumed Marcelino after departing the side from Santander for a second time in three years.

Despite being a flat-capped, whippet-fancying northerner, Marcelino has headed south to put an errant club back on the straight and narrow, in what he called “the most exciting project of my career" at Tuesday’s presentation.

Another side who have filled a managerial sized hole are Real Sociedad, who looked north to France for their recruitment drive, picking up Valenciennes coach Philippe Montanier, a manager who lead Boulogne into the top flight for the first time in 2009 and hauled his latest team into mid-table.

While all this has been going on, Atlético Madrid are still left without a manager. The club’s two bickering leaders, Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil, are currently flitting between Luis Enrique - who now looks likely to take over at Roma having previously coached Barcelona’s B team, Joaquín Caparrós - who is waiting to see where he stands in Athletic Bilbao’s upcoming presidential elections, and the currently unemployed Gregorio Manzano.

However, AS published a readers poll last week which suggested Luis Aragonés was the fans' preferred choice. The former national team coach won 38% of the vote, although that figure may well have been inflated thanks to cheeky Real Madrid fans hoping for even more comedy down at the Vicente Calderón next season...

Getafe have been trying to pry LLL’s manager of the year Luis García from Levante, but their main man had some problems getting himself out of his current contract in what the Valencia side perceived to be a hostile approach from the Coliseum club.

“I would have liked to have had a call from the Getafe president,” complained Levante big wig Quico Catalán. “I don’t have to phone him,” retorted Angel Torres, “I don’t negotiate clauses. I said I’d sign a coach who was available and I’m waiting for him to cancel his (current) contract and bring him in.”

That now appears to have happened with Levante announcing that Luis García would be moving on after three years in charge of the former Segunda Division side to leave just the red-and-white striped side in Madrid with an empty hotseat.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Sorry Sevilla and Dastardly Zaragoza

2011-06-06T14:26:00Z

Tim Stannard wraps up his end-of-season review of La Liga with the final five Primera clubs...

Sevilla
Final Position - 5th
LLL Prediction - 5th

It could have been worse. That’s perhaps the most polite way to describe a fairly forgettable season for Sevilla, which started appallingly in August with their expulsion from the Champions League qualifiers at the hands of Braga - a loss that eventually lead to the sacking of Antonio Alvarez at the end of September with the coach being replaced by Gregorio Manzano.

Although the former Mallorca man managed to drag Sevilla by the goolies to a fifth-placed finish in May, it was a dithering, inconsistent and wasteful campaign from the Andalusians who were not far off from disappearing into the mid-table wilderness.

Manzano has now been disposed of and Racing’s excitable Marcelino is set to take charge. There are still some grounds for optimism for Sevilla, with Ivan Rakitic, Jesús Navas and Alvaro Negredo in the squad, but it’s a club that needs an enormous kick up the jacksie over the summer for it to make progress next year.

Highlight Alvaro Negredo finally getting his head together to come up with 20 goals and finish as the season's top Spanish striker in la Primera.

Lowlight The Braga disaster, a five match losing streak through November and December which saw home defeats to Mallorca, Getafe and Almería.

Sporting
Final Position - 10th
LLL Prediction - 14th

It was so close to going horribly wrong for Sporting and their people’s favourite coach, Manuel Preciado, when they found themselves second-from-bottom of the table at the beginning of January. The longest serving Primera manager was seconds away from the sack at a club that is one of the least trigger-happy in Spain, but a last minute goal to earn a draw against Racing followed by three quick-fire wins after that helped give Sporting the confidence needed to launch a desperate but ultimately successful survival campaign.

Highlight Manuel Preciado calling José Mourinho a ‘scumbag’ for implying his team did not try in a match against Barcelona at the Camp Nou. Sporting then got extra revenge by beating Real Madrid at the Bernabeu, inflicting a first league home defeat on Mourinho in nine years.

Lowlight Nacho Novo. In general.

Valencia
Final Position - 3rd
LLL Prediction - 6th

LLL really doesn’t know what it’s going on about most of the time. First off, the blog thought the departures of David Silva and David Villa would lead to a season of slumber at the Mestalla, a prediction proven quite, quite wrong in May. LLL then assumed a decent Champions League run and instant qualification for next year’s competition would see manager, Unai Emery, very much the man of the moment at Valencia with his contract running out.

Apparently this wasn’t the case with the club president, Manuel Llorente, displaying laudable people skills by confessing to checking out other options like a footballer in a bar ten minutes before closing time. He did, however, eventually opt to stick with what he had.

Emery has done another fine year’s work at the Mestalla, working with the club’s enormous debt, notoriously huffy fans and the usual bouts of indiscipline from the players, and arguably deserves to be at a team where he is a little more appreciated.

Highlight A brilliant game and last minute winner in Mestalla that saw a 4-3 win for Valencia and Unai Emery chucking his coat about like the lovable loon he is.

Lowlight The worst defending ever seen in a 6-3 home defeat to Real Madrid.

Villarreal
Final Position - 4th
LLL Prediction - 7th

For once, a team qualified for the Europa League and actually tried to win the blooming thing, realising that if Atlético Madrid can do it then anyone else with the ability to kick a ball about can repeat the feat. This attempt - which failed against Porto at the semi-final stages - ultimately cost Villarreal a decent shot at a third place finish, which was certainly what Juan Carlos Garrido’s team deserved after playing some of the tastiest football in la Liga for much of the campaign before fatigue set in.

To this end, it’s hard to know whether Villarreal’s year can be counted as a complete success until the club’s Champions League qualifier. If that match is won, then Garrido will continue to build his reputation as a managerial one-to-watch in Europe.

Highlight Giuseppe Rossi’s ridiculous effort against Espanyol. Cani’s ridiculous effort against Osasuna.

Lowlight Losing at home to Levante was not a great day for the club.

Zaragoza
Final Position - 13th
LLL Prediction - 16th

Footballing proof that the bad guys do win some of the time. Zaragoza fought to stay up through fair means and foul this season. Fair through the tenaciousness of coach, Javier Aguirre, that brought about a vital win at the Santiago Bernabeu. Foul with members of the Zaragoza squad - as well as the ball boys - lobbing balls onto the pitch at inopportune times when opposition teams were attacking.

Zaragoza also gained a competitive advantage over one relegation opponent, Getafe, by failing to make the transfer payments on former blues striker, Ikechukwu Uche, and then fielding him during a 2-1 win in La Romareda, the game which also the ball being chucked onto the pitch by a substitute to add insult to injury.

Highlight Gabi’s goals and leadership in the final run-in.

Lowlight See all of the above.

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner

La Liga Review 2010/11: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner

2011-06-03T10:17:00Z

Our man in Madrid, Tim Stannard, continues his round-up of the 2010/11 Primera Liga season...

Mallorca

Final Position - 17th
LLL Prediction - 13th

Mallorca’s last day scrap against relegation was more than a little freakish considering the Balearic club hadn’t been below 13th since the fourth round of league matches. Until that point, LLL was set to be in full patronising, back tickling mode splurging about what a great job Michael Laudrup had done in managing a team that was in administration and reeling from the traditional fire sale of all its best players.

But that’s still the feeling the blog despite the last day scare that saw Mallorca being a Deportivo goal away from probable oblivion, as the late worries were mainly caused by the side making it to 42 points by the end of April and then assuming the job was done, picking up just two more in the final five matches.

Highlight Gnarly old Cameroon pro Pierre Webo having his best season in eight years of la Primera with 11 goals. Plus the emergence of Emilio Nsue up front.

Lowlight Mallorca fans calling their most influential player last year, Borja Valero, ‘a mercenary’ for moving to Villarreal. Especially rude considering the midfielder was actually owned by West Brom and only on loan at Mallorca.

Osasuna
Final Position - 9th
LLL Prediction - 17th

Don’t be fooled by Osasuna’s fancy-pants, hootin’ tootin’ ninth place finish. The Pamplona side could just as easily have been relegated on the last day of the season, when about half the league battled to avoid the drop.

For much of the campaign, it looked like it was the end of their spell in la Primera. However, for once, a change of manager actually worked, with hard-bitten, frosty, gruff and aggressive José Luis Mendilibar turning out to a perfect fit for a hard-bitten, frosty, gruff and aggressive club.

Osasuna’s tactics rarely veer from their traditional “wham bam, wipe it on a curtain, no time for a thank you, Mam” direct approach - think Stoke but less subtle - and the team used it to great effect in the final run-in by picking up four wins from the last five games, having been defeated in the previous four matches. And that’s a very good thing as a Primera division without Osasuna simply isn’t worth watching.

Highlight Helping to end the title chances of the dastardly Real Madrid with a 1-0 victory over Mourinho's men. And don't forget the spat between Walter Pandiani and Cristiano’s over wages, which ended with the Uruguayan admitting to the press that the Madrid man would have needed a dentist where he came from for saying what he did.

Lowlight Losing quite comfortably to a Barcelona side that, thanks to an air traffic controller strike, played literally minutes after stepping off the team bus having sped north by train and road.

Racing Santander
Final Position - 12th
LLL Prediction - 18th

The words 'entertaining' and 'Racing' rarely mix, given the only thing exciting that’s ever happened to the side from Santander is a European finish three years ago. Aside from that it’s been naff all from Racing in the club’s 98 year history.

But all that was set to change with the arrival of Indian businessman Ali Syed, who promised to bring forth days of milk and honey to the club before immediately going forth and doing a vanishing act. It's said he repeatedly broke promises regarding money owed to the players and the various institutions the club was bought from.

However, Ali Syed’s arrival did spark a momentary boost for Racing, who were struggling in the bottom half of the table until they were saved from relegation by the return of Marcelino - the coach who lead them to sixth in those giddy days of 2008 but now wants out again.

Highlight Marcelino’s bum tumble celebrating a goal in a fantastic 3-2 win over Sevilla.

Lowlight The ongoing soap opera over the club’s ownership.

Real Madrid
Final Position - 2nd
LLL Prediction - 2nd

Iker Casillas gave his team an eight out of ten for the season and that sounds about right to LLL. Barcelona were once again too strong in the league, with Pep’s Dream Boys barely dropping any points, but huge strides were made elsewhere. The Copa del Rey was won for the first time in 18 years - then dropped and squashed by Sergio Ramos - and Real Madrid made it past the last 16 stages of the Champions League and even to the semi-finals for the first time in seven seasons.

However, an apparent conspiracy involving Barcelona, referees, UEFA, UNICEF and some lizards blocked Madrid’s path to a final, where Pepe would no doubt have been deployed as the anti-Rooney - which would have been fun to watch, come to think of it.

Highlight Ronaldo’s 40 goals. A deserved ‘chapeau’, despite his irritating baby squeezing celebrations for every goal.

Lowlight The Camp Nou 5-0 'bath', of course, but a goalless draw at Levante certainly didn’t help the Madrid cause in the title chase.

Real Sociedad

Final Position - 15th
LLL Prediction - 12th

The club’s president Jokin Aperribay certainly wouldn’t agree, but LLL thought Real Sociedad did just fine on their return to la Primera. Sure, La Real were in danger of relegation on the last day but so was pretty much everyone else in the league. That seems to the be main motivation for the very unfair firing of Martin Lasarte along with a sluggish end to the campaign which was mainly down to fatigue settling into the squad which certainly suffered from losing striker, Joseba Llorente, in January through injury.

Highlight Antoine Griezmann’s car driving celebrations. Inspired.

Lowlight An extraordinarily limp performance in a 3-0 loss at the Vicente Calderón during a five match losing slump for the side from San Sebastian.

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

La Liga Review 2010/11: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster

2011-06-02T14:25:00Z

Our man in Spain, Tim Stannard, continues to look back on another incredible year in la Primera with the second installment of his review of the seaon...

Espanyol
Final Position - 8th
LLL Prediction - 11th

Everything was going bizarrely well for Espanyol in the first half of the season, with the Pericos sashaying towards a little European vacation like a particularly camp German towards a sun lounger. Then in January the Catalan club’s bosses thought it would be a fine idea to sell two key defenders, Dídac and Víctor Ruiz, for the princely sum of around €13 million. Espanyol’s plans for a nice little cross-continent road trip promptly crumbled as a team that had spent a good portion of the season in the top six slipped out of the European places into a resting position of 8th, thanks to a fairly feeble three victories since the end of January.

So this has LLL thinking whether all that loot was really worth missing out on testing themselves against the likes of Stoke next season. The answer is probably yes.

Highlight Getting Real Madrid to fork out €4m for José Callejón and his Vanilla Ice hair-do

Lowlight Losing 5-1 in Cornella to Barcelona (below)

Getafe
Final Position - 16th
LLL Prediction - 8th

Ultimately, another hopelessly incorrect prediction from LLL - but for the first half the season all looked well, as Getafe went into the winter break as a top seven team before drumming up just four more victories in the second half of the season, leaving the club in danger of the drop on the last day.

The club’s usually trusty 'buy low, sell high' policy failed this time round. Adrian Colunga proved himself to be no Roberto Soldado, while Javier Arizmendi made it blatantly obvious to any sentient being that he was not a suitable stand-in for Pedro León, who left to become José Mourinho’s punch bag last summer.

Club president Angel Torres clearly wasn’t pleased by the late survival scramble and chose not to rehire Míchel The Manager, looking for someone else to lead the Getafe/Team Dubai reboot in the new campaign.

Highlight Club captain Manu del Moral becoming the club’s top goalscorer in la Primera, scoring nine top flight goals this season (one of which is shown below)

Lowlight Manu del Moral taking advantage of this to get a move to Sevilla.

Hércules
Final Position - 19th
LLL Prediction - 19th

The first words LLL will say about the Alicante club are 'good riddance'. Aside from the words before those two words, of course. The side’s promotion to la Primera was tainted by the whiff of a match-fixing scandal, but the Spanish FA and League decided to archive the case. The chaos surrounding Hércules continued with the club’s players not always seeing their pay cheques on time, having no training facilities and even issues with a lack of hot water in their own stadium.

Hércules president Valentin Botella chose to blame much of his side’s failings, not on his chaotic and amateurish organisation, but rather on loanee winger Royston Drenthe. He moaned that the club weren’t getting value for money from the Madrid player - although the Dutchman disagreed because, as he claimed, his salary had dried up around September time...

This lack of motivation from the players began to tell out on the pitch. Hércules' impressive early season form - which included the unlikely 2-0 win over Barça - was soon a thing of the past, and they sank slowly towards the bottom of the table, where they deserved to be.

Highlight That night in Barcelona (below).

Lowlight Royston Drenthe being verbally abused by Hércules fans and having KKK painted onto the walls of his house due to his reluctance to return to Spain after the winter break due to the financial issues.]

Levante
Final Position - 14th
LLL Prediction - 20th

When LLL first clapped eyes on Levante as they suffered a 4-1 defeat to Getafe in the second round of the league season, the blog thought the side was doomed, what with it being stuffed to the bursting brim with players who made you ponder such questions as ‘didn’t he used to play for...?’ and ‘surely he’s retired?’

Levante were happy to play to that prediction too, but then after the winter break coach Luis García refused to take what looked an inevitable relegation lying down and dragged his players up the table through motivational exercises, DVDs of their finest goals and even making his team murder a song to thank the fans for their help.

Valencia’s second club have survived to fight for another year in the top flight thanks to the 13 goals of Filipe Caicedo, the inspirational leadership of man mountain Sergio Ballesteros and the apparently Getafe-bound Luis García, who almost certainly wins the non-existent prize of LLL’s coach of the year.

Highlight A brilliant 1-0 away win at Villarreal to kickstart the club’s recovery (below).

Lowlight An 8-0 Copa del Rey battering by Real Madrid in the Bernabeu.

Málaga
Final Position - 11th
LLL Prediction - 9th

In the end, Málaga were just one place shy of the pre-season goal of a top ten finish. But that doesn’t really tell the full story of what could have been the sensation of the season in Spain - the relegation of technically one of the richest clubs in the division just one year after being bought out by billionaire owners, hell-bent on turning the club into the Barcelona of the south.

Málaga were in all sorts of trouble going into April, but the return of Julio Baptista (who was signed in January but almost immediately got injured) sent the southern side flying out of the relegation zone with a five match winning streak during which The Beast banged in seven goals, including a spectacular opener away to Racing (video below).

Further investment in the club this summer will ensure that there won’t be a repeat performance of the last campaign where la Primera’s first big dalliance with foreign types controlling the purse strings nearly went spectacularly wrong.

Highlight Manuel Pellegrini taking over to prove to Marca once and for all, that he remains a very good manager.

Lowlight A home defeat to Zaragoza in January which had many doubting the above declaration

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

La Liga Review 2010/11: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust

2011-06-01T09:49:00Z

The end of the season is upon us so it’s time for Part One of LLL’s annual ratings and slatings - heavy on the slatings, to be fair - of the season of every team in la Primera, along with each side's highlights and lowlights. Heck, we'll also throw in the pre-season predictions so you can see where LLL went right and very wrong at the beginning of campaign...

Almería
LLL Prediction - 16th
Final Position - 20th

The ever insightful blog thought it may be touch and go for little old Almería in the survival stakes at the start of the season, but there was a little bit too much of the ‘go’ and not quite enough ‘touch’ for the southern side.

Despite finishing bottom of the table with 30 points, only managing to win six games and conceding eight to both Barcelona and Real Madrid, Almería weren’t actually that bad. Honest. Indeed, at times, the team’s counter-attacking, speedy play could be a lot of fun to watch with the pacey pair of Pablo Piatti and Albert Crusat always good value.

The problem was that there wasn’t too much else going on in the team apart from the Valencia-bound Diego Alves in goal. Three different coaches during the campaign thanks to the fine firing work of an itchy-triggered president, certainly didn’t help either.

Highlight Pablo Piatti’s double against Sevilla (below)

Lowlight The 8-0 defeat against Barcelona that cost manager No.1, Juanma Lillo, his job.

Athletic Bilbao
LLL Prediction - 4th
Final Position - 6th

A Champions League finish from Athletic was the blog’s bold prediction before the start of the season and, although it was technically wrong, the spirit of it was bang on.

There’s been a little bit of criticism from the Athletic faithful who also felt that a stronger tilt at a top four finish was possible this year from a fine crop of players that include Fernando Llorente, Javi Martínez, Iker Muniain and Andoni Iraola, especially as five points were dropped in the club’s final three matches - points which could have made all the difference.

But all that seems a little harsh. Fernando Llorente had another outstanding campaign with 18 league goals with half of them being headers, giving an indication of Athletic’s favoured tactics. However, the forward lacked striking support when having an off day with the next highest league scorer being pocket rocket Gaizka Toquero, who grabbed seven. With Athletic not being a team that can easily rectify this issue in the transfer market, a top six finish seems pretty good work in the end.

Highlights Fernando Llorente’s goals

Lowlights ‘Theatrics’ in the penalty area. From Llorente rather a lot of the time.

Atlético Madrid
LLL Prediction - 3rd
Final Position - 7th

A guilty pair of hands up on this one, LLL was miles off. The blog felt that a Europa League win, a confident coach who was popular with fans, the world class striking pair of Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán and the recruitment of Diego Godín and Filipe Luis at the back might put Atlético in with a great shout of finishing 'best of the rest'.

That’s certainly how it seemed at the start, with the Rojiblancos winning the first two games of the season and looking pretty tasty in the process. But then the normal Atlético afflictions began to bite back: reports of in-fighting in the dressing room, sulking players (Forlán this year), supporter discontent and the inability of the club’s president, Enrique Cerezo, to close his trap at the appropriate time and avoid constant speculation on the future of his manager and star players.

Atlético put together a bit of a run at the end of the season to sneak into seventh but lost their manager, Quique Sánchez Flores, in the process and potentially Kun Agüero too. And David Gea. They’ll probably keep Luis Perea though, so that’s more bad news.

Highlights Kun Agüero’s hat-trick on the final day of the season. José Antonio Reyes’s goal against Villarreal.

Lowlight Everything said or done by Miguel Angel Gil and Enrique Cerezo. And Atlético’s defenders running into each other in a 1-0 defeat at Sporting (below).

Barcelona
LLL Prediction - 1st
Final Position - 1st

Not a bad campaign overall for Barcelona. A second Champions League win in three years and a third Primera title in a row, the 53 goals of Leo Messi in all competitions and the 5-0 demolition of Real Madrid at the Camp Nou are the obvious highlights. But perhaps the alternate reasons to be cheerful was getting a full season out of Andrés Iniesta, and indeed all of the club’s World Cup winners, who are the engine room for both club and country.

This predicable fatigue certainly explains the fall in form towards the end of the campaign, but by that time the league title was done and dusted. It was only the fantastic fingertips of Iker Casillas in the second half of the Copa Del Rey final that stopped Pep Guardiola from leading his Dream Boys to another treble.

Highlight José Mourinho’s ‘bath’ - as the Spanish would say - in the Camp Nou. You'd probably call it a comprehensive battering... (below)

Lowlight Both Champions League semi-finals and Barcelona’s grasp of the darker arts of football.

Deportivo
LLL Prediction - 10th
Final Position - 18th

Never has LLL been happier to get a prediction wrong. The blog suspected the season would be another tedious plod around the other 19 grounds in la Primera for Deportivo and so it came to pass. But this time, Deportivo’s dullard defensive tactics weren’t enough and the club’s eight goalless draw turned out to be one to many - literally considering the Galician side went down by a single point.

Highlight Losing 2-0 to Valencia on the final day of the season to be relegated and put us all out of our misery...

Lowlight Atlético Madrid 2-0 Deportivo. A personal low point for LLL that saw Deportivo turn up to a freezing Vicente Calderón on a Saturday night with 10 defenders and concede within eight minutes to make it a very long match indeed.

Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

Barca victory cause for celebration for all of Spain - even Real Madrid

2011-05-31T08:30:00Z

While many will argue Barcelona’s masterclass against Manchester United on Saturday was the best Champions League-related performance of the season, La Liga Loca would suggest such praise is misplaced, as Marca blew them out of the water with an even more incredible display of creativity...

In a magic show to match anything mustered by the midfield of Pep’s Dream Boys, the newspaper has turned Barça’s victory into a planet-stomping victory for both Spain and, incredibly enough, Real Madrid.

Sunday’s editorial was certainly fulsome in its praise of Barcelona’s dismantling of the English champions, but still found plenty of room to praise the country’s other great sporting institutions. “The victory last night is also for Spanish football. In the first place because the four European Cups of Barcelona added to the nine of Real Madrid make us the country with the most European Cup titles,” chirped the paper, perhaps feeling the forces of Mordor at the Santiago Bernabeu breathing down its neck...

But this rare attempt at praising Barcelona was undermined somewhat by misery-pants Miguel Serrano boasting on the back page that the Catalan club are still “two titles away from Paco Gento and five from Madrid. Patience.” Barcelona fans may counter by explaning that Real Madrid have only won Europe’s top title three times since 1966, with the Catalan club managing the same number since 2006, making that particular taunt more than a little tired.

Not content with Sunday’s achievements, Marca stepped-up their Real Madrid brown-nosing on Monday by placing Florentino Pérez as No.7 in their top ten of the weekend - just one spot behind Leo Messi - for taking 15 seconds out of his Jorge Valdano-firing day to send a congratulatory text to Barça president Sandro Rosell following the latter's victory at Wembley.

"This one's for you, Real Madrid..."

“An extraordinary display of gentlemanly behaviour in congratulating Barcelona both publicly and privately for their Champions League conquest,” fawned Marca in a column that rather curiously stuck “controversial” cyclist Alberto Contador ahead of Pep Guardiola and Messi in their run-down of the weekend’s top achievers for winning some race or other.

AS also chose to view Barça’s victory from Real Madrid's perspective, albeit with a more critical slant. The paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño, remarked that “watching this Barcelona, it’s hard not to understand the state of anxiety Madrid live in and the restarted attempts to look for short cuts. Barça didn’t get here through short cuts but with an idea and perseverance.”

As expected, the Catalan press got their rocks off after Saturday's memorable match in North London. “The best Barça in history!” read Sport’s headline. Writing from Wembley, a clearly 'emotional' Josep María Casanovas described the scene as “a paradise of happiness, of joy, of Barça pride. The players have gone into ecstasy and the fans have gone crazy with joy and passion.”

Mundo Deportivo are just as full of élan but take a moment to recall the last few weeks of Madrid mud-slinging. “Yesterday the world of football told them to ‘shut it’. Barcelona are the best in the world. You have to salute them,” blasted Santi Nolla. It was a sentiment echoed by the shy and retiring, Shakira-smooching Gerard Piqué during Sunday’s celebrations, with the defender proclaiming that “we don’t do doping, nor do we dive or buy the referees. Barcelona only do one thing: play football.”

After a tumultuous season of bickering and b*tch-fights, Barcelona’s Champions League victory somehow seems to have given everyone in Spain something to celebrate - even Real Madrid. And that really is some achievement.

Catalan press claim 'clever old cat' Fergie's United 'scared' of Barca

2011-05-27T11:07:00Z

As well as having to deal with carbon monoxide, choking fumes and the hot air generated by Boris Johnson, the poor, suffering people of London are now also having to cope with Barça’s gargantuan smug cloud, which has reached 'The Smoke' after a drifting three-day journey from southern Europe.

Londoners will now be suffering from the same symptoms that curse the Catalan capital on a daily basis - intense self satisfaction and moral superiority - as they go about their day.

The Qatar Foundation’s Dream Boys are in town to take on Manchester United in the Champions League final at Wembley - the scene of the 1992 Dream Team’s victory over Sampdoria - and for many in the Catalan capital the match is already won.

Friday’s cover of Sport proclaims (in giant letters, no less) that “They’re scared!” boasting that “Barça’s stars frighten Manchester!”

The analysis inside suggests that United are doomed, with Joan Batlle thumbing through his big book of football stereotypes before stating that the English champions’ primary weapons are “physical intensity, aerial power, set-pieces and counter-attacks," which he notes were 'not enough' when the two sides met in the 2009 final in Rome.

In fact, according to his colleague Josep María Casanovas, Barcelona need not even bother plodding out on the field, as the mental powers of the fans in the stands will be enough to defeat United. “The current Barça has the faith of a region, the strength of a social phenomenon and the unstoppable force of the movement of the masses.”

Across the city, Mundo Deportivo have turned down the confidence dial from ‘supremely’ to ‘fairly’. “Barça are a better team than Manchester, player by player and collectively. But one game can reduce the difference and Fergie is a clever old cat and will want to trigger a short circuit in the centre of the pitch," reasons Santi Nolla.

Unsurprisingly, Madrid papers Marca and AS don't lead quite so heavily with Saturday’s big match. In the former, you have to plough your way through stories about Karim Benzema, Kun Agüero and the fine mess that Atlético Madrid have gotten themselves into with their stars all wanting to jump ship before you find a mention.

The trifling matter of the Champions League is dealt with on page 14, with the analysis featuring a Tweeted photo of Gerard Piqué and Carles Puyol at Arsenal's training facility, where Barça have been training and by the look of it, up to no good. “Puyol and I [are] stealing a picture of Cesc,” giggles the former Manchester United centre back.

José Mourinho’s coup d’état - which ended with Jorge Valdano being fired by Florentino Pérez - may still be causing rumblings throughout the Madridista world, but tomorrow the Champions League final will surely take centre stage all over Spain.

A win for Barcelona will cause the smug levels to remain at dangerously high levels in Catalonia for years to come, leaving José Mourinho looking for something to kick. A defeat and....well, not that much will change. The opinion in the Barcelona press is that the Spain’s league champions don’t need another trophy to be the best team in the world. For many in Catalonia, that prize can never be taken away from them.

Six departures in post-season manager massacre

2011-05-25T14:20:00Z

Spanish football club presidents would love to tie managers up. No, not with twine to a railway line, but on minute-by-minute contracts stuffed with “I’ve just grown so tired of seeing your stupid, ugly face every day” sacking clauses.

Instead la Liga’s paunchy bigwigs are forced to concoct deals for their coaches that tend to run from season to season with plenty more managerial fish in the sea should any minion fail to agree to their terms. This is why there has been a glut of dismissals and desertions in Spain since the season ended on Saturday.

Quique Sánchez Flores sped up the whole predictable process by announcing his own departure before Atlético Madrid even played their last game; the country’s significantly sexier answer to Phil Brown ended his eyeliner-wearing time at the Vicente Calderón with apparently only José Antonio Reyes on speaking terms with him. And that’s not good, considering the winger is barely comprehensible even on a good day.

Despite taking over a third of the way through the year and guiding Sevilla to fifth, Gregorio Manzano was informed on Monday that his coaching services were no longer required and that his contract would not be extended. “They didn’t give me an explanation as I didn’t ask for one,” shrugged Manzano. “I don’t feel abandoned, I know how football works,” he added, stopping short of blurting "Am I bovvered?"

Manzano: "That's not good enough? No? OK."

In a most peculiar move, Real Sociedad have decided to sack Martín Lasarte after two years in San Sebastian, a period when the Uruguayan coach took la Real back to La Primera and kept them there without spending a penny on transfers. Obviously a Champions League spot was the requirement – despite president Jokin Aperribay claiming last August that “we love the job he’s doing” while extending Lasarte’s contract to 2012.

(Sevilla and Real Sociedad are reporting to be cat-scrapping and hair-pulling in the street outside Roxy’s over the alluring Marcelo Biesla, screaming “I saw him first!”. Both clubs wish to sign the former Argentina and Chile coach before inevitably firing him at the end of next season.)

Deportivo ditched Miguel Angel Lotina – or perhaps it was the other way round – after the Lord of Doom led the Galician club to relegation through negative tactics and dispensing a general air of wrist-slashing despondency around the club.

But that wasn’t before Lotina went all with the third person before the press, grumbling that “Lotina hasn’t been relegated, but Deportivo has and we are a lot of people. This year it seems like I was the only one who lost.” Aside from blaming his footballers, it would appear, Lotina also hinted that there may have be stranger goings on in la Liga that conspired to send Depor down. “There were difficult [refereeing decisions] to understand and very strange results.” So nothing at all to do with Deportivo only scoring 31 goals all season then?

Lotina: "Oh, why bother?"

Roberto Olabe’s plucky eight-game spell at bottom-dwellers Almería is over, whilst Miroslav Djukic ends his all too short sojourn at Hércules blaming a lack of harmony and Royston Drenthe for the Alicante side’s relegation.

One manager who will (probably) be back in the new season is José Mourinho, who broke his post Champions League semi-final vow of silence to record a video message to Real Madrid supporters all full of cheer and goodwill to mankind. Not really, it was narky, sarky and more than a touch finger-pointing at Barcelona and UEFA by calling for football to return to its moral roots.

“I’m talking about fair play, respect for the rival and that a red card to racism should be deeds and not words,” opined Mourinho, overlooking Madrid's deliberate – according to UEFA – yellow cards during a Champions League clash with Ajax, plus the insults The Special One doled out to fellow managers Manuel Preciado and Manuel Pellegrini. LLL is sure that he'll be lovely to next season's new batch of managers.

Kun kicks off new end-of-season crisis at Atlético

2011-05-24T14:43:00Z

For Atlético Madrid to enjoy one full day of post-season stability was a good effort all round, in retrospect. A stiff upper lip, brave little soldier, "here, have a lollipop" style 'good effort'.

True, the club were already beginning to hunt for a manager who was either insane, poor or self-deluded enough to take over from the departing Quique Sánchez Flores; and true, the capital city club’s 2011/12 season is now set to start at the end of the July, most probably in the backwaters of Belarus (or Stoke...), after a seventh place finish meant Atlético enter next season's Europa League at the third qualifying round, a tournament the they won just twelve months ago.

And of course, we mustn’t overlook the endless speculation surrounding the future the sporting director Jesús García Pitarch not to mention Diego “La Rubia” Forlán’s super sulk, the ongoing feuds between the club’s two owners, or the future of goalkeeper David De Gea.

However, this relative sea of tranquility suddenly got a little choppy at 18.40 on a sultry Monday evening, when Kun Agüero clambered onto his booster seat and sped out of the Vicente Calderón car park - which also doubles as the press mixed zone - having told his bosses that he would very much like to leave Atlético Madrid as soon as possible, despite signing a contract extension in February for two more years past 2012.

“I want to stay till 2014, but football is as it is and I could be here one, two or three years,” explained Kun earlier in the season, leaving out the words ‘or three months’ from the end of his sentence.

"Hug me! LOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!!!"

Alarm bells should have started ringing when the striker’s buy-out clause was reduced from €60 million to the more Madrid-friendly €45 million. From that moment, the clock was ticking on Kun’s Atlético career - the player even explained on his website that the contract was extended to ensure Atlético would recoup as much money as possible from his sale. “I told Atlético that I wanted to leave. I told them to study, without conditions, offers from other clubs.”

Having probed an infamously unreliable Atleti insider for a suggestion as to what the Argentine’s next move could be, LLL understands Real Madrid to be the Argentine's favourite destination, despite the day-to-day hassle of a cross city betrayal.

This is said to be at least partly down to the willingness of both teams to arrange a sticker album style swap deal, which would enable Atlético to avoid paying quite as big a chunk of the fee to the taxman and give Real Madrid the chance to offload the likes Pedro León and maybe even José Jedwood Callejón, who was only signed from Espanyol on Monday. Throw Esteban Granero, Sergio Canales, Ezequiel Garay into the mix and Atlético could have an instant squad expansion and their counterparts are able to make a bit of space in the dressing room for next season.

Of course, all this could be - and indeed probably is - complete tosh, but it sounds crazy enough to be true. After all, the departing Quique described Atlético as “like a plane in constant turbulence."

The only thing that’s completely clear is that Kun Agüero played his final official game for Atlético Madrid on Saturday night against Mallorca, during which he grabbed a rather brilliant hat-trick to take his La Liga tally for the season to 20 - his best ever Primera season on the goalscoring front - and 101 in his Atlético career.

The Argentine striker is looking for and deserves regular Champions League football, having put in five solid seasons at the Vicente Calderón. The manner of Kun’s departure may irk Atleti fans - especially if it ends with an arrival at the Santiago Bernabeu - but that shouldn’t tinge what has been a ripsnorting ride with Rojiblancos.

Good Day, Bad Day: Disaster for Depor and a record for Ronaldo

2011-05-23T13:51:00Z

Good day

Barcelona

With little, bowl-headed Bojan wearing the captain’s armband for Barcelona as reward for a splendid A- in PE, LLL feared the worst for Pep’s Dream Boys at Málaga.

A defeat for Barça would have left a table reflecting the fact that Real Madrid had lost the league by a single point, something Marca would no doubt have dined-out on for the entire summer. Instead, the mini-Dream Boys came away from the south coast with a 3-1 victory to give Barça a four point advantage over Madrid after 38 games.

Unfortunately, that’s still not enough for the Catalan club to top Marca’s own referee-adjusted league table, which was unsurprisingly headed by Madrid after the paper took away points from UEFA’s favourite pets (allegedly).

Tomás Roncero, writing in AS, attempts a magnanimous congratulations to the Camp Nou club by indirectly informing FA president Angel Villar that he was "not going to remind you of the ten points the referees took from Madrid and the six they gave the champions. That’s the way the script was.”

Cristiano Ronaldo

It’s a hearty congratulations for Ronaldo who 'did a Ronaldinho' (that's picking up a hefty brace, to you...) in the 8-1 thrashing of relegated Almería to become Spain’s greatest goal scorer in a season with 40.

LLL says a big well done to the Portuguese superstar, you can only score against what’s in front of you, after all - but Alfredo di Stefano is in a less charitable mood. Writing in Monday’s Marca the Madrid legend said; “I’m left with the feeling that such publicity for a record has been searched for,” after a failure to win the league or reach the Champions League final.

Aitor Karanka won’t hear of such heresy by boasting of Madrid’s eight goals against Almería and 102 for the league season. “For a team that doesn’t play football and is defensive, that’s not bad,” snarked Madrid’s second coach in place of the still silent José Mourinho.

Interestingly, 102 is the same total that Manuel Pellegrini managed for Real Madrid before being sacked...

Roberto Soldado

Having already struggled to keep a straight face after scoring four goals at former club Getafe earlier this season, the Valencia forward had to repeat his glum, not celebrating face after scoring the 95th minute goal which sealed Deportivo's relegation from la Primera. Soldado had a strong first year at the Mestalla, scoring 18 goals, but still only managed just over half of the 32 scored by David Villa, the player he replaced.

Alvaro Negredo

The Sevilla’s strikers cracking brace against Espanyol leaves the moody marauder on 20 and topping the ranks as the best Spanish forward of the campaign, two ahead of Soldado, David Villa and Fernando Llorente, a figure which says rather a lot about the strength in depth of Spanish forwards these days.

Athletic Bilbao

Two goals in two minutes to defeat Racing Santander were enough to secure Athletic Bilbao a sixth-placed finish. Hooray!

Kun Agüero

The almost certainly departing Atlético man signed off his Rojiblanco career with 101 goals - the last three coming from a brilliant hat-trick against Mallorca in a 4-3 thriller. Unfortunately, victories for Athletic Bilbao and Sevilla still sees Atlético in seventh and facing a Europa League play-off at the end of July.

Osasuna

If Osasuna coach José Luis Mendilibar wasn’t Spanish, then he’d definitely be a gritty, bite-yer-knees Scottish manager - perfect, in fact, for gritty, bite-yer-knees Osasuna who managed four wins from their last five games to finish ninth in the table despite being in danger of relegation on the last day.

Gabi

Morally, Zaragoza deserved to go down for being big old ball-chucking, non transfer fee-paying cheats, but the fighting spirit of manager Javier Aguirre and two goals from Gabi were enough to keep Zaragoza up in the end.

Real Sociedad & Getafe

With Deportivo and Zaragoza both expected to win, the third team to be relegated this year was thought to be coming from this particular encounter. But with Deportivo and Mallorca looking in more danger of the drop than this Primera pair, the game stopped being a competitive one in the final third with a point just fine for both.

Mallorca

Relying on Deportivo not to score turned out to be a solid bet for Mallorca, who were only a flukey shot from Depor 'not-shot' Riki away from relegation on Saturday night, despite having not dipped below 13th place in la Primera since round four.

Bad Day

Espanyol

An eighth-placed finish in la Primera, but Espanyol fans were not happy at all during Saturday’s 3-2 home defeat to Sevilla. Here’s Paul from Barcelona who was sitting - whilst protesting - in the stands to tell us what happened...

“Well that’s that. Another season over and relegation avoided, in the end by six points. At the beginning of the year I would have taken that.

The match was played in a muted atmosphere due to a sit down protest against the constant sale of our best players. I know, in an all-seater stadium, right? The fans even cut back on the chanting to give us that Camp Nou vibe.

The match was basically Ivan de la Peña’s testimonial, more on that later. Two brilliant goals by Alvaro Negredo and a Kanouté tap-in were Sevilla’s only contribution. Odd, but true. Espanyol replied with an Osvaldo volley and a fab goal by Verdu from a great Osvaldo pass. He, Osvaldo, stayed on the pitch after the De La Peña tribute to wave to the crowd. I know goodbye when I see it.

Ok, Ivan de la Peña on his day was as good as Xavi, ask Xavi who he copied, but on a bad day he was awful. A humble guy who had a great talent but should have scored way more goals than he did. I wish him luck in the future. Much loved for his from the heart celebration against Barça when he scored two goals at the Camp Nou.

A season that promised so much finished as a damp squid. Next year will be tough as, as it stands, it’ll be Verdu and 10 others. Thanks to Tim for another great season and I wish all LLL and FourFourTwo.com readers (Especially Mike from TE) a great summer.”

Paul, Barcelona

Deportivo

LLL has been fairly meanie-headed to Deportivo all season due their frackin’ awful football stylings, so it wouldn’t be right to come across all concerned and caring following the club’s relegation. Deportivo finished third-from-bottom of the table, scored the fewest goals, played the worst football, had Riki in their ranks and approached matches delicately and defensively like someone trying to fish a contact lens out of a wasp’s nest. It’s tough titties all round.

Hércules

The Alicante side signed off a largely woeful campaign with a goalless draw against Sporting in front of just 7,500 fans with the union between club, players and supporters having been broken during a troubled year.

Almería

Signed off from Primera duty by shipping eight goals in a league game for the second time this season. Cheerio to them, then...

The obscenity tweeting, 'encouragement' rejecting Primera Predictions

2011-05-20T13:38:00Z

Saturday

Malaga (9th) v Barcelona (1st)

Remember Quincy Owusu-Abeyie? No? Had a good start to the season? Fast? Used to play for Arsenal? Oh. Ok. Well, that's not too surprising considering the winger's appearances were few and far between under Manuel Pellegrini when the former Real Madrid man took over as coach.

Unfortunately, Quincy doesn't appear to have taken too kindly to this and decided to do a bit of a vanishing act in April without explanation, disappearimg into Málaga's ether with the Tweet to supporters "I will never forget my Málaga fans and great team mates. I had a great time in Málaga. Vamossssss!!!"

It seems that not all the Málaga collective were so positive about Quincy's farewell message, though, and on Wednesday, the Dutch-Ghanian responded with the potty-mouthed missive, "to all you negative Málaga fans, I have a great life and a beautiful home. So whatever you say...I don't give a ****!"

LLL Prediction - no idea. Away win. Could be anything.

Real Madrid (2nd) v Almería (20th)

A Madrid old-timer in the form of Chendo got a short run out in the club's colour's on Wednesday night during a charity game in Murcia. Real Madrid were playing a friendly match against a Murcia XI to raise money for the victims of last week's earthquake in Lorca which claimed the lives of nine and injured 300 more.

Right back, Chendo, played for Madrid for 16 years and now serves as the club's match delegate got to pull on the captain's armband for ten minutes and feel the spirit of Sergio Ramos - and a touch of Ricardo Carvalho, whose shirt he wore - by putting in a crunching, but mistimed tackle that should have seen a yellow card.

"My body couldn't give anymore and I had to stop the rival players anyway I could," explained the former stopper.

LLL Prediction - Home win (and two for Ronaldo)

Hércules (19th) v Sporting (10th)

It's the last round of the season. Time for LLL to give one or two happy stories for a change rather than the conflict and craziness which has peppered the blog's pages for the past ten months. Earlier this year, Manuel Preciado and José Mourinho had a bit of an ugly spat over an accusation from the latter that the former's team wasn't trying against Barcelona at Camp Nou.

The rancour now appears to be well and truly over, after Preciado revealed that the maverick Madrid manager personally congratulated the Sporting players after April's victory for the Asturian side in the Santiago Bernabeu and that Mourinho also called to commiserate him on the death of his father on the night of the Copa del Rey final, something for which the Sporting boss revealed great gratitude on local radio.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (15th) v Villarreal (4th)

And so begins the relegation games, although Osasuna would have to be extremely unlucky to go down with a 2.5% chance of the drop, odds mainly boosted by Villarreal's players pretty much off on their holidays with fourth place secured.

Joan Capdevila certainly seems to be demob happy with the chirpy left back starting a transfer rumour on Twitter for a bit of a gag by announcing that goalkeeper, Diego López, had signed for Manchester United - something that doesn't sound completely outrageous to LLL's gossip-loving ears.

"It was a stag party joke," explained the Villarreal man, who was forced for 'fess up through further tweetage. "I hope I haven't bothered anyone. Diego is staying at Villarreal."

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (14th) v Getafe (16th)

Míchel the Manager has been in a positive mood throughout Getafe's relegation battle, and remains in chipper spirits ahead of Saturday's visit to San Sebastian.

"With all due respect to Real Sociedad, I believe we are going to win," chirped the Getafe boss. Míchel then went off on a bit of a tangent by talking about the hard work it takes to keep a club with a small budget afloat in la Primera. "Aren't you curious to see Guardiola or Mourinho at Getafe. How would they work? With what resources?"

LLL has an alternative question. How hard can it be to take over a Madrid reserve side containing Borja Valero, Esteban Granero, Javi García, Alvaro Negredo and Juan Mata and see them relegated to the third tier of Spanish football, as Míchel managed in 2006/07? That really does take some doing...

LLL Prediction - Home win (Getafe to go down. Sob)

Espanyol (8th) v Sevilla (5th)

Sometimes it seems that it is only when a player announces his retirement to the press that it dawns on him that it's all over. That's certainly the case with Espanyol's Ivan de la Peña, a truly wonderful footballer who now has to give up the game due to ongoing injuries that has seen him miss nearly the entire season.

In a tearful farewell ahead of the Sevilla match where he is set to see some minutes, the midfielder said that "my head says carry on but my body says enough."

"He was a misunderstood genius of football," writes Lluís Mascaró in Sport on his spell at Barcelona. He was a player that always wanted to give that last majestic pass, that Hollywood assist. When it went well. the Camp Nou would explode in admiration. When it went badly, the stadium exploded again, but this time in anger."

LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (12th) v Real Zaragoza (18th)

"Paying teams to win or lose is illegal now!" has been the mantra of the press and league president all week, with this particular game very much in mind. The supposition is that Levante would have a great deal of 'encouragement' from other sides in the relegation battle to give it their all against third-from-bottom Zaragoza.

Levante president Quico Catalan is most upset by the rumours surrounding the match telling Radio Marca that "there are people trying to damage the image of an institution that's more than 100 years old." Striker Felipe Caicedo is also not best pleased, "I wouldn't play if it was fixed. Do you know how much that would bother me?"

LLL Prediction - Away win

Deportivo (17th) v Valencia (3rd)

Valencia appear to be collecting goalkeepers with the confirmation of the very poorly kept secret that the excellent Almería stopper, Diego Alves, will be off to the Mestalla madhouse this summer to join César Sánchez, Vicente Guaíta, Miguel Moyá and Renan who are also on the club's books.

In charge of this gaggle of goalies will be Unai Emery who looks set to renew for another year at Valencia although club president, Manuel Llorente, hardly gave his manager a hearty slap on the back with the confession that "in the last 15 days we learned about the conditions of other coaches."

Sunday

Racing Santander (11th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

Strange goings on at both clubs. Eleven players for Racing still owed a total of €1.7m remain unpaid despite many, many promises from owner Alí Syed. And the Spanish sports papers report that Bilbao coach Joaquín Caparrós may be unwanted by some members of the current board, despite leading the Basque team into Europe, which was his mission at the beginning of the campaign.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Mallorca (13th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

Mallorca can save themselves this weekend with just a point against Atlético Madrid or if Zaragoza fail to win. The Balearic side can still survive if they lose and Deportivo or Getafe lose. Probably. Have a look for yourself. Either way, the club's relegation chances are pretty slim but it's only at midnight on Saturday that manager, Michael Laudrup, is going to assess the season.

"We'll have a look at the end," explained the Great Dane, "we can finish ninth which would be an incredible success or we could go down. The difference is four points. Saving yourself this season is more expensive than petrol."

LLL Prediction - Draw

Have Barça blown the Champions League with their UNICEF sell-out?

2011-05-19T14:17:00Z

According to modern footballing wisdom, Barcelona’s success is built on the four pillars of Leo Messi’s goals, Xavi’s passing...and...er...Leo Messi’s goals and Xavi’s passing.

But on this particular occasion, as with those who claim it would be a shame to see Deportivo go down on Saturday, the perceived wisdom couldn’t be more wrong.

Barça’s blistering form over the past three years has been driven like a nuclear reactor in a Robin Reliant by the natural forces of smugness produced from displaying the name of UNICEF on the front of the club shirt - a goody-two-shoes gesture that had José Mourinho pondering naughtily if that alone hadn’t been enough to propel them into two Champions League finals in three years.

In the Madrid manager’s defence the humungous amount of energy generated by the gleaming aura of self-satisfaction gained from the UNICEF deal has not just powered the football club but also the electrical grids of the Camp Nou, the city of Barcelona, Cataluyna and some parts of France.

Unfortunately, this super-charged success has come to an end with Barcelona showing off their new shirts for the season to come - shirts which have UNICEF relegated to the bottom of the back of the jersey with the club’s new imperial overlords, The Qatar Foundation, on the front - a result of the €30 million a year deal between the two institutions' contribution to the Barca cause.

Barca's new kit is a little smarter than the last one...

Carlos Puyol’s perm-framed face atop the new shirt adorns the front cover of both Sport and Mundo Deportivo, but the reaction from both papers is fairly muted to the culture change with the latter merely commenting that the new Nike-driven design will probably sell well - a most Real Madrid of reactions, it must be said.

Sport’s Lluís Mascaró doesn’t like the new-look at all, and asks for the club to think of the children by opining that “we can’t talk to the kids about international solidarity anymore. We’ll have to tell them about petrodollars, and that’s not the same.”

Johan Vehils attempts but ultimately fails to get excited about UNICEF’s relegation to the players' bum-zones when writing that “the most important aspect about the shirt is not the design, nor the sponsor but how to feel it. In this way our players are the best in the world.”

Over in Capital City, both Marca and AS are still sulking over UEFA’s refusal to punish Sergio Busquets for the alleged racial abuse of Marcelo during the first leg of the El Clasico Champions League semi-final clash last month.

Marca do at least recognise why no action was taken, with Tuesday’s editorial noting that “there is no conclusive evidence that shows the alleged racist insult.” AS shrug that this decision simply follows on from the supposed philosophy of both the Spanish FA and UEFA which decrees that “if in doubt, go pro-Barça.”

Sport reacted to the response and the idea that Busquets was even investigated in the first place with hostile intent with Josep María Casanovas suggesting that the Forces of Mordor should be blanked for a while. “It’s difficult to maintain relations with a club who try to harm you again and again. Breaking all institutional relations would be the deserved gesture.”

LLL feels the Sport writer should instead be focussing his energies and concentration on what will happen in nine days time, when Barcelona walk out on to the Wembley pitch to face Manchester United with their most imperious power source - the neutron star that is the club’s moral superiority over everyone else - irreparably damaged...

Which team most deserves to be relegated from La Primera?

2011-05-17T10:29:00Z

Not sure who to root against in this weekend's la Liga’s relegation rumble? Uncertain of which club is least deserving to stay in the top flight for another year of their miserable, pointless lives? Then use this handy guide to help you onto to the dark side!

Mallorca, 13th, 44 points

LLL has never come across such a bunch of whining, moaning, prissy little ‘be-atches’ - as Beyonce might say [we're sure she probably wouldn't - ed]. Last season, Mallorca finished a heroic fifth, gaining friends and admirers all over Spain for their pluck.

The institution then went into administration, thus preventing them from paying off their debts to fellow clubs such as Athletic Bilbao, who could really have done with the cash. This unfortunate event also forced UEFA to throw them out of the Europa League due to perfectly legitimate rules on financial (in)solvency which are sadly lacking in Spain.

Mallorca felt that such regulations shouldn’t apply to them and proceeded to grumble endlessly at the Spanish FA - who had nothing to do with the decision - along with UEFA, while the fans blamed Villarreal for taking their spot. The same supporters then accused Borja Valero of being a mercenary for leaving them over the summer, despite the fact the midfielder had performed wonderfully for them throughout the previous season - and actually belonged to West Brom.

LLL would love to see who Mallorca and the fans are going to blame should they go down this weekend.

Real Sociedad, 14th, 44 points

Real Sociedad may have players who celebrate goals by jumping into cars and have a passionate home crowd (despite having a running track in their stadium - an automatic 30 point penalty in LLL’s opinion), but what’s the point of all that if la Real barely bother to turn up for away games? The Basque club managed just 10 points from 19 Primera road-trips, one worse than the notoriously awful Hércules picked up all year.

Another good reason to cheer heartily for la Real’s relegation is to help LLL go about its day for at least 12 months not having to endlessly spell check names like Zurutuza, Illarramendi and Aguirretxe. And that’s not even mentioning how to pronounce the blinkin’ things.

Osasuna, 15th, 44 points

Too often, la Liga is accused of being a jazzed-up version of Scottish football. It certainly is when Osasuna are in town, a team of cloggers and hoofers who love nothing more than whacking the ball into the opposition box for every minute of every game and hoping Walter Pandiani knocks a defender unconscious without the referee noticing to pop in the odd goal.

Another good reason to see the back of Osasuna for at least a season is as punishment for their fans inventing the current trend for supporters/ball boys/players chucking balls onto the pitch during games when opposition teams are attacking - although LLL must admit it was quite amusing when it happened against Real Madrid.

Getafe, 16th, 43 points

There’s very little point to Getafe in the top flight now with “Madrid’s third team” being replaced by the real “Madrid’s third team” with the glorious return of Rayo Vallecano to la Primera next season. Not that the blog is fickle or anything.

Rayo Vallecano have everything that Getafe don’t - a proper stadium, an atmosphere at games, supporters and a significantly shorter traveling time for a lazy LLL...

Deportivo, 17th, 43 points

Where to start? How about with the number of minutes lost by LLL over the past few seasons watching Miguel Angel Lotina’s dismal brand of football?
How about freezing to death at the Vicente Calderón this season watching Deportivo losing 2-0 and still playing an eight man defence.

How about listening to the endless pleas from LLL followers on Twitter calling for an end to the pain of Deportivo games - “Deportivo La Cor...I get bored just typing their name never mind watching them...just to see if Lotina’s frown can get any deeper...for existing...watching Deportivo is like a death sentence.”

If things go the right way this weekend then the sporting world will be spared yet more hopeless attempts from Riki to bundle the ball into the back of the net - the novelty has worn off after five years - an ineptitude equalled when the Deportivo ‘striker’ attempts to dive.

Zaragoza, 18th, 43 points

Cheaters, cheaters, cheaters! Think LLL is being harsh?

Exhibit A - Failing to make payments to Getafe for Ikechuckwu Uche for his transfer from 2009 and then having to cheek to field the Nigerian striker in their recent clash.

Exhibit B - An unnamed but will-not-be-there-next-season Zaragoza midfielder rolling a ball onto the pitch from the substitute’s bench when Getafe were attacking in the aforementioned game.

Exhibit C - Zaragoza ball boys throwing balls onto the pitch when Almería were trying to attack

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo’s record and Quique’s adios to Atlético

2011-05-16T13:42:00Z

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo

The usually dominant evil half of LLL would be tickled pink to see Cristiano Ronaldo whacking shot after shot over and beyond Almería’s goal in vain this weekend, as the apparently “not obsessed by beating the record” forward tries to move off the 38 goal mark - the historical tally held by Zarra and Hugo Sánchez.

Then again, abacus-spurning Marca have decided that’s Ronaldo has broken this record already after his free-kick brace against Villarreal in el Madrigal, so the Madrid man might as well enjoy a moment of happiness with a goal or two and yet more intensely irritating ‘baby’ celebrations that should see a yellow card every time they are performed.

Valencia, Levante

Valencia claimed a point in the derby against Levante which secured third, and yet the locals still weren’t happy, with the match report from Marca telling of boos for the players for not trying hard enough and jeers for the departing Vicente for being a bit of a stroppy so-and-so of late.

Levante’s point was also a handy one as it leaves them mathematically free of relegation worries in the final round, with Getafe and Real Sociedad facing one another and set to take points off each other no matter the result.

Cani

The Villarreal midfielder got to push the linesman in the chest and get away with it - although that was probably because the aforementioned official was standing on Cani’s foot during an altercation at the time.

Freddie Kanouté

Two lovely headers from a lovely footballer who looked like he had played his final game at the Sánchez Pizjuán with steady Freddie contemplating a move to America in the summer. LLL reckons that Barcelona would make a fine, one season stop-off, for both the player and the Catalan club.

Athletic Bilbao, Málaga

A point apiece was enough to secure Athletic a European place and take away Málaga’s 0.004% chance of being relegated. The game also saw yet another soft penalty being given to the Basque team who have made a bit of habit of this over the past few seasons.

Quique Sánchez Flores

The Rojiblancos have been trying their level best to blow a European spot over the past few weeks, but even Atleti couldn’t manage to blow it on Sunday evening. Quique lead the players to a 2-1 win against Hércules in his final game at the Vicente Calderón and bid an emotional farewell to fans who stayed behind to call for the soon-to-be-ex Atlético boss to say a final adios.

“They made me feel happy here, and I appreciate it,” said the departing manager who has had quite enough of the insupportable interference that he had to endure at the Vicente Calderón despite delivering the Europa League trophy to his bungling bosses.

Sporting

If only it were possible to write in a sarcastic tone. Well, the blog’s going to try anyway...

Well done to Sporting for a much-deserved and fully unexpected victory against best buddies, Racing Santander - lead by the Sporting-supporting manager Marcelino, who confessed before the game that he would be happy to see both teams safe at the end of the season.

His less than outlandish eventually dream came true on Sunday, with Sporting running out 2-1 winners - although it looked in danger for a while thanks to a robust performance from the Racing’s stand-in goalkeeper Mario, who had perhaps not read the script...

Getafe

For sixty minutes Getafe’s clash with Osasuna was a game between an away team who seemed unwilling to score and a home side that were typically incapable of doing so. But then news of Zaragoza’s goal filtered through to the Getafe bench and two forward players were thrown on to help produce a 2-0 win. However, the Madrid club are still floating about on dangerous waters as are Osasuna after Sunday’s loss.

Deportivo

A very, very good time to play Barcelona and pick up what could be a hugely important point. And a very, very, good time for Deportivo to manage an eighth goalless draw this season. Deportivo may get lucky again next weekend with Valencia visiting Riazor with nothing to play for whatsoever.

Víctor Valdés

From what LLL could tell after a session of bleary-eyed highlight-studying on Monday morning, Víctor Valdés was the only Dream Boy to function as per manufacturer’s specifications at the Camp Nou, having made two good stops from what appeared to be Deportivo’s only two chances.

Zaragoza

Hell’s bells, Zaragoza were a cricket’s crotch away from being three points adrift in the relegation zone, after all the affairs of Sunday night. Javier Aguirre’s men were 1-0 up after a superbly-struck effort from the superbly-named Ponzio but Espanyol’s Alvaro contrived to hit a header from one yard across the face of goal - where it was missed again - instead of knocking it into an open goal with ten minutes left. “I don’t understand how it wasn’t a goal,” admitted a relieved Zaragoza coach.

Almería

Four points in the last two home games for the relegated club with a draw against Villarreal and now a win over Mallorca but a combined total of just 10,000 fans to see it.

Bad Day

Diego Forlán

The Uruguayan suffered yet more humiliation this weekend, after being dropped from the Atlético squad on the morning of the Hércules game after a week of handbags and huffing with Quique Sánchez Flores.

Espanyol

The 1-1 draw for Zaragoza and victories for Sevilla and Atlético Madrid sees Espanyol’s attempts to cling onto a European place after being in the top spots for 25 rounds this season end in failure.

“The season was a good one overall, but now there’s only disappointment,” admitted Mauricio Pochettino.

Mallorca

Just one win in the last eight leaves Mallorca dragging themselves desperately towards the finish line like Maniche after a 200m dash. Sunday’s somewhat surprising 3-1 defeat by Almería sees Mallorca probably needing a point against Atlético next week to avoid what would still be an unlikely drop even if they were to lose. Or something like that...

Real Sociedad

A ninth consecutive away defeat in the league for Real Sociedad sees the Basque team needing at least a point against Getafe to guarantee avoiding slipping straight back to la Segunda. Prepare for much talk of ‘finals’ for the San Sebastian club, this week.

The nose-breaking, exit-tampering, Forlán-feuding weekend Primera predictions

2011-05-13T10:22:00Z

Barca may have already sealed the title, but that doesn't mean there's not still plenty to be decided in La Liga. Tim Stannard gets the crystal ball out, again...

SUNDAY

Almería (20th) v Mallorca (11th)
As the first team relegated from la Primera this year, Almería and the 5,000 fans who turned up for the midweek goalless draw against Villarreal were already finding life pretty gloomy. But the outlook could get considerably murkier next season, given there’s an unfortunate tradition for relegated teams to find life even tougher in la Segunda, with more than a few ultimately slipping into the third tier of Spanish football - a very, very, very bad place to end up.
“Tenerife are in trouble now and there was Compostela a few years ago,” warned Almería president Alfonso García. “There are some teams that disappear if they go down, but not us. We’re going to have a good side.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (4th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
With nine days left of the current campaign - well, for Real Madrid anyway - both papers that feed off the club like journalistic pilot fish are in full, rampant transfer speculation mode. Marca’s front page on Friday suggests that Kaká is a target for both Milan and Chelsea, with Juventus craving Lassana Diarra, Ezequiel Garay and Karim Benzema. AS are musing that Benfica fullback Fabio Coentrao could be joining over the summer for a whopping €30 million.
Meanwhile, Madrid’s penultimate match is set to see Cristiano Ronaldo in full head-down-and-blast-the-ball-as-hard-as-possible mode, with the Portuguese pouter two goals short of the all time league record of 38 strikes in a season. Those in the stands will be hoping the wide-necked wonder hits the target as often as possible, given one poor fan got his nose broken by a hefty clearance from the record chasing Ronaldo on Tuesday evening.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Getafe (17th) v Osasuna (14th)
This crucial clash at the Coliseum is the match being honoured by LLL’s attentions on Sunday, when all matches kick off at the same time. This obviously means you should expect Monday’s review of the weekend’s action to be sketchier and even more made-up than normal.
LLL suspects that Zaragoza will win their home game at Espanyol, so Getafe will have to pull something out of the bag against Osasuna. As if the awful performance in the 4-0 loss to Real Madrid on Tuesday wasn't bad enough, Getafe had even more bad news during the week when it was reported that their captain and leading scorer Manu del Moral is set to leave for Sevilla for €4.5 million over the summer, despite president Angel Torres claiming that the new-fangled 'Team Dubai' version of the side would not be a selling club any more.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (6th) v Real Sociedad (13th)
At 2-1 up with two minutes left of normal time, Sevilla were looking particularly comfy at Osasuna on Wednesday. But it was at that point that the defence fell to pieces and the home side came back to grab a mad-as-Marchena 3-2 victory and continue a woeful week for Sevilla that saw the side leaking nine goals in two matches.
One Sevilla player who at least partly enjoyed the game despite the eventual defeat was defender Ivica Dragutinovic, who played his first minutes of the season following a prolonged absence through injury. “On one hand I’m happy to be playing again after a year, but sad because we dropped three important points. The team are a bit down,” admitted the Serbian, who played the final eight minutes of normal time.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (18th) v Espanyol (8th)
This is a monster of a clash that pitches a home team needing a win to avoid relegation against visitors needing a victory to keep alive their hopes of a Europa League spot, which they can then moan about for much of the next campaign.
Zaragoza’s form has plummeted since the rather unexpected win against Real Madrid, with the Aragonese side suffering two defeats, suggesting that the players thought it was a case of 'job done' after the Bernabeu victory. This leaves them in the perilous situation of being doomed should they lose, Getafe win and Deportivo draw. However, the coach still believes the team can stay up. “I believe we can stay up,” announced Javier Aguirre, “We can’t throw in the towel.”
What will almost certainly be thrown-in on Sunday is footballs, with Zaragoza having a recent history of substitutes and ball boys lobbing them onto the pitch at certain moments to disrupt the attacks of the opposition in La Romareda.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Levante (12th)
LLL’s constant claims that Roberto Soldado is not much cop and, frankly, a lucky striker are looking weaker by the day, with the Valencia forward now on 17 goals for the season, with two in the last two games. However, the striker does still have his knockers on match days, as it were, with Canal Plus picking up on this spat Soldado had with a Valencia supporter who was berating the player for being a bit of a lazy bum during last Saturday’s victory over Real Sociedad.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Deportivo (16th)
Despite winning the league title for a third season running, the week wasn’t entirely a good one for Barcelona. UEFA have confirmed they will be opening disciplinary proceedings in response to accusations that Sergio Busquets racially abused Real Madrid's Marcelo during the Champions League semi-final clash at the Santiago Bernabeu on April 27.
But at least the midfielder will still be on this mortal coil to face the charges, which looked like possibly not being the case during the team’s return flight from Levante, when the pilot had to ask the boisterously celebrating players not to mess with the emergency exits shortly before take-off.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Málaga (10th)
Málaga’s arrival on 45 points - which technically doesn’t quite guarantee survival - cost the club’s owners €3 million in bonuses according to Sport, with €150,000 being doled-out to each player as reward for having avoided the drop.
It seems there could be more expensive splurging to come, with Málaga’s sporting director José Carlos Pérez boasting that “the budget for next year is very important, around €50m in signings to reinforce the team with players of the highest level.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (15th) v Racing Santander (9th)
The once safe Sporting were dragged back into the relegation mess after taking just two points from a nine game period in which most of their relegation rivals decided that winning matches may actually not be too bad an idea.
However, LLL suspects that this match might be a home win and 46 points for Sporting with the very safe Racing visiting and their coach, Marcelino, revealing that “I’m a member of Sporting and Racing. I say everything with this. I hope both stay up now.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (7th) v Hércules (19th)
A nice bit of in-fighting to end Atlético Madrid’s season seems par for the course, with the feud between Diego Forlán and Quique Sánchez Flores reportedly coming to a head on Tuesday night after post-match comments made by the Rojiblanco boss on Forlán’s performance that the touchy striker evidently failed to take in his stride.
AS reported big rows both after the game and on Wednesday during a tense pre-training dressing room meeting.
“After I invited Forlán to have his say, he spoke for a bit. Then I spoke again and at the end I let the players speak. They said nothing, so we went out and trained,” claimed Quique on Thursday saying it was all much ado about nothing.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Ronaldo closes in on goalscoring record as Racing save themselves

2011-05-11T10:45:00Z

In Wednesday’s competition to see who can point out that Barça can win the title in a matter of hours in the most dramatic way possible, it somehow felt as if the heart of the Madrid press simply wasn’t in it.

Both Marca and AS have stuck the tiniest note informing readers of the situation below big, shiny pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo’s big, shiny face. “Pep is a point away from a third consecutive title,” mope Marca, below a headline detailing Atlético’s stumbling, bumbling attempts to qualify for Europe.

In the Catalan capital the smug levels are again at an EU standard-shattering high, with Sport predicting that “Today, we will be Champions!” with the paper fully expecting Pep’s Dream Boys to pick up the point needed at Levante to kick sand in Real Madrid’s face for yet another year.

Real Madrid’s 4-0 win over a truly hopeless Getafe on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning (to hell with these 10pm kick offs!) sees Barcelona actually having to get out of their comfy chairs and win the league title for themselves at Levante. But these trifling matters are of no concern in the Spanish capital at the moment, as Cristiano Ronaldo’s hat-trick has made the Madrid man the favourite to finish the season as top league scorer. The Portuguese poacher has now popped in 36 goals in la Primera, putting him just two behind the record strike-rates of Hugo Sánchez (1989-90) and Zarra (1950-51).

Ten strikes in the last two matches for Madrid and Ronaldo’s remarkable streak of seven in those clashes has certainly put wood in Tomás Roncero’s pencil, with the AS man willing to swap actually being Champions for the infinitely better concept that “no-one can dispute that Madrid have the numbers of Champions.”

But all this is of no real concern to LLL - the relegation battle, which Getafe are very much part of after that depressing loss, is far more compelling. In a cheeky chat with the blog after the game the Coliseum midfielder, Derek Boateng, said that his team were going for a point in the Santiago Bernabeu, but that the plan never really came together and that “we’ll be back in training to correct the mistakes.” That could take some time.

Deportivo got the win they needed to slightly dig themselves out of trouble with a 2-1 victory at home over Athletic Bilbao after Xabi Castillo diverted a Juan Carlos Valerón cross into the defender’s own net with twenty minutes left.

The biggest winner of the night was Racing Santander, who moved themselves completely out of relegation danger with a 2-1 win over Atlético Madrid, a side who fulfilled the role of losers to perfection. “It’s incredible, it’s as if we don’t want to qualify for Europe,” confessed a bewildered José Antonio Reyes who was Kun Agüero’s partner-in-crime in Santander, with Diego Forlán only used as a second half substitute.

“Forlán had 35 minutes, 40 with injury time and you all saw him,” said Quique Sánchez Flores after the game to the press. “You’re the ones who have to be critics and judge the players, not me,” announced the Atlético boss in a major redefinition of his job requirements.

Málaga are within a janitor’s jam sandwich of staying up with a fifth successive win - this time over Sporting - and yet another goal for Julio Baptista to put the southern side on 45 points.

The second day of the midweek round of course sees the small matter of Barcelona potentially winning the title at Levante. But there is a more curious fixture kicking off at the same time, with Real Sociedad hosting Zaragoza. The visitors to San Sebastian are the latest team to be sitting uncomfortably in la Primera’s third-from-bottom spot after last weekend’s home defeat to Osasuna, whilst la Real are on 41 points and firmly in the ‘one more win will do it’ camp.

So of course, la Real midfielder Xabi Prieto is telling anybody who'll listen that the game is a ‘final’ - although the Basque team would have two more matches to get out of trouble, should they lose - with the club captain promising helpfully that his team “will be going for the win from the first minute”. Which is always good to know.

Relegated Almería host likely Champions League qualifiers Villarreal, while Hércules will be sent down to la Segunda if they don’t beat Mallorca, who themselves are looking for a point or two to ensure safety.

Valencia travel to Espanyol who are hoping to take advantage of Tuesday’s trips by Athletic Bilbao and Atlético Madrid to catch up with the European places, and it’s the same story for Sevilla who are up at Osasuna, a team also involved in the footballing fisticuffs that is the relegation battle.

Deportivo finally worth watching as Ronaldo prepares to shoot on sight

2011-05-10T12:56:00Z

The titters are only just dying down around Spain after the double teaming by Marca and AS on Monday which saw both papers claiming that the Pichichi top goalscorer prize was the only contest that really counted this season - aside from the Copa del Rey, of course.

The curious campaign certainly raised a chuckle in Catalonia and particularly in the offices of Mundo Deportivo, where Josep María Casanovas opined that “when it comes to the Ballon d’Or, Messi’s titles will be worth twice as much as the goals of Ronaldo.”

What the Madridista press were desperately trying to do was avoid the thorny topic of Barcelona being hours away from winning a third league title in a row, and the second under the presidential reign of Florentino Pérez II.

Both Capital City papers managed to dodge the Barça bullet again on Tuesday, with Madrid announcing the signing of Turkish midfielder Nuri Sahin from Borussia Dortmund the day before. “Mourinho believes that the team needs other virtues as well as its stars,” says Marca’s editorial in a nod of approval and an tacit admission that the paper had never heard of the 22-year-old, much like everybody else.

The harsh reality is that if Real Madrid fail to beat Getafe in a 22:00 kick-off on Tuesday night, then Barcelona will be league champions no matter what happens in the Pep’s Dream Boys' clash with Levante on Wednesday. The other certainty is that Barcelona city centre is likely to be destroyed by hoodlums as has happened on at least ten occasions over the last three years by LLL’s inaccurate reckonings.

These wise guys won't be celebrating if Ronaldo finishes top scorer...

Tuesday’s Santiago Bernabeu clash looks a dead cert home win for Madrid - despite the fact that Ronaldo is expected to be shooting on sight all evening - but the same was said about the recent defeat to Zaragoza. What’s more, José Mourinho already appears to be taking the match a little less seriously than usual by resting Iker Casillas for the game and including Pedro León in the squad. If Karim Benzema trots out onto the field then it will surely be Getafe’s lucky night, something that many of the crowd won’t mind at all claims Míchel the Manager.

“I know that there are a lot of Madridistas that want Getafe to win,” joked the soon-to-be-fired Getafe boss.

Atlético Madrid’s European charge was going far too well of late, which is why the Rojiblancos opted to blow Saturday’s match against Málaga with a 3-0 home defeat. Quique’s Crumblers have the chance to foul up all over again with a midweek trip to Racing, who are looking for one win to ensure that their Primera passport is renewed for another year.

Although forward Diego Costa is suspended for the encounter in Santander, that doesn’t necessarily mean Diego Forlán is set to be restored to the starting line-up, at least according to the little hints from Quique Sánchez Flores, who noted that “there are a couple of players who can partner Kun.”

Málaga are another team that could well see themselves safe with a win over Sporting, but the whopper of a game on Tuesday evening is Deportivo’s clash against a visiting Athletic Bilbao.

The normally down-in-the-dumps Deportivo boss, Miguel Angel Lotina, is even more emotional this week after what he feels was an incorrect injury time penalty call that cost his side two points against Sporting. The manager of the the third-from-bottom side had a prod and a verbal poke at the weekend’s referee and sarcastically made a gesture for the Sporting fans to applaud the man-in-the-middle as he stropped off the pitch.

“I don’t regret anything, the journey, the line-up, the changes, what I said...I don’t regret a word,” blustered Lotina, who is still awaiting a disciplinary decision on whether he can sit on the Deportivo bench on Tuesday night. Deportivo goalkeeper, Dani Aranzubía, was less thrusting and predicted gloomily that “if we don’t beat Athletic then everything’s lost.”

The big challenge that Deportivo face in La Riazor, aside from having to rely on Riki for goals, is that Athletic have an awful lot to play for with a European spot looking a strong possibility.

Although Madrid is set to be the centre of attention, Deportivo are the team to watch this midweek - something LLL is writing for the first time in the its 77 year history.

Good Day, Bad Day: Disaster for Depor but ecstasy for Osasuna

2011-05-09T14:08:00Z

Good Day

Andrés Iniesta

A shimmy and shammy as purty as a Tennessee beauty queen saw Iniesta glide through a sluggish Espanyol defence to set Barcelona on their way in what was, considering the bust-ups of recent years, a somewhat boring Catalan derby. Barcelona just need a single point against Levante on Wednesday to win the title, providing Real Madrid dodge their local civic duty and beat Getafe the day before.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Four goals against Sevilla means that although the Portuguese poser may not be picking up either the Champions League or Primera trophies this season, he could be winning the one that really counts to the Madridista press right about now - the Pichichi - with Ronaldo holding a two goal lead over Leo Messi, or three if you are a Marca reader.

Valencia

Comfortable is the best word to describe Valencia’s 3-0 win over Real Sociedad, a victory that guarantees the Mestalla men a shot at the Champions League next season. However, this good news hasn’t prevented the normal Valencia feuding and fighting, with AS reporting some training ground scuffles on Sunday.

Athletic Bilbao

Jokin Caparrós and his team of seven-foot tumblers and hoofers nearly blew their chances of victory on Saturday. Athletic were 3-0 up with half an hour to go before two efforts from Levante made it a very nervous end to the game.

Levante were a touch unhappy at the home side’s second goal when the weak and spindly Fernando Llorente went down like three tons of bricks to win a successfully converted penalty. “Caparrós has spent the whole season complaining that they don’t give enough penalties to Llorente, he’s got one now,” moaned Levante boss, Luis García, after the game.

Giovani dos Santos

Another contender for the winter signing of the season along side Ivan Rakitic and Julio Baptista. The on-loan Spurs man appears to have got his career back on track and scored two goals in a huge win for Racing against Hércules to make it five since joining at the end of January.

Julio Baptista

And it’s hello once again to the Good Day section for the aforementioned Brazilian Beast, who bagged the second of Málaga’s goals in the 3-0 win over Atlético to make it four wins in a row for Manuel Pellegrini’s men and six goals in that spell from Málaga’s miracle.

Osasuna

Perhaps the biggest winners of all. Hanging on at half-time 1-0 down to Zaragoza after a Nelson-assisted goal, Osasuna could have crumbled. But instead, the Navarran side fought back in the second half to win 3-1 and really turn the relegation battle on its head in the final three games.

Getafe

The first of the two games that Getafe have targeted to stay up was Almería and the victory was secured in just four minutes with Adrián Colunga scoring the first of Getafe’s two goals. The next big ‘un for the Coliseum club is Sunday’s home clash with Osasuna. It’s going to be fruity. There may even be fans there.

Bad Day

Sevilla

A shambles.

Atlético Madrid

Nobody told the Atlético defence about the whole “stick the ball on Rondon and Baptista’s head” big-men-up-front strategy that Málaga have so carefully been deploying the past month, it would appear. Actually, they probably did, but the back four were two hapless to do anything about it.

The first two goals of the the Rojiblancos' 3-0 defeat at the Vicente Calderón on Saturday evening were carbon copies and wholly avoidable grumbled Quique Sánchez Flores after the game.

Diego Costa summed up a poor night in the Spanish capital for Atlético by admitting that “we were at 20% of our level and I don’t know why.” Fortunately for the Rojiblancos, the damage done in the defeat was limited due to losses for Sevilla and Espanyol which leaves Atlético with a four point lead in seventh over the Péricos in the chase for a European spot.

Espanyol

It was a day of adventure for Paul from Barcelona, who left the comforts of Cornella to watch his team in the confines of the Camp Nou.

“Well, a day of the status quo for all concerned I think. Barça decided to take away Espanyol’s ticket allocation on Friday after fears of bad behaviour and people letting off flares. People in glass houses etc was the Espanyol response.

So your correspondent called in a favour and managed to get a ticket from someone he knows who works for the evil empire.

Two defensive howlers from Espanyol gave Barça victory. The first, Galan (yes, him again) gave the ball to Iniesta (m.o.m) who did well to score, then terrible marking allowed Pique, who did foul an Espanyol player, a free header to make it 2-0. And that dear readers was about it to be honest.

Espanyol had a couple of chances from Osvaldo who with a bit of support might have nicked a goal back. Barça dominated, Villa looked rubbish, Dani Alves play acted and Messi didn’t look that bothered about scoring but preferred to kick Jordi Amat’s ankles.

Surprisingly the ref didn’t give any dodgy decisions Barça’s way but did give them everything else. Best team won, Espanyol defended quite well but with five first teamers out the result was never really in doubt. Barça will need to play a lot better to beat Man Utd.

Good to see Abidal back, even I applauded.”

Paul, Barcelona

Levante, Sporting, Mallorca

All three teams failed to pick up three points over the weekend and a freakish set of results elsewhere means that the tally of 43 that the trio currently have may not be enough to stave off the drop, with the relegation zone just four points away with nine still to play for. Levante and Sporting’s goalless draw, time-wasting, kick-about from last weekend is not looking so clever now.

Mallorca, Villarreal

So much for the crazy showing games at midday on a Sunday for the Asian market scheme. La Liga’s reputation for sexy, zesty football will take decades to rebuild after the weekend’s snore-inducing, bore-fest between these two teams who are very much in the naughty corner.

Zaragoza

The fantastic work from the victory in the Santiago Bernabeu blown to smithereens against Osasuna with a 3-2 home defeat.

Deportivo

While the evil half of LLL would love to see Deportivo relegated simply because being forced to watch them inspires suicidal thoughts, the good half thinks it might be a shame to see the former golden Galician side go down after 20 years in the top flight. Besides, LLL wouldn’t have any gags left, although Betis are set to return to la Primera which could help cover the potential deficit...

Miguel Angel Lotina is most unhappy - as ever - at the two penalties awarded against his team in a 2-2 draw with Sporting complaining that he was “fed up and the players in the dressing room are crying.” Lotina was right with the first call with the ball striking Laure’s back and not his arm as the referee thought. But the second penalty with the game in injury time with Deportivo 2-1 up was correct when David Barral was brought down.

Deportivo are now in the relegation places and facing Athletic Bilbao, Barcelona and Valencia in their final three games with two of the those teams with potential points to play for in the run-in.

Hércules

A home defeat to Racing sees Hércules hanging on to their top flight status by their finger nails. With a bit of luck, Mallorca will stamp on them on Wednesday evening to send the Alicante side back to la Segunda.

Almería

Despite being supported by Satan’s representative on earth, David Bisbal, LLL has never really had anything against Almería. The southern side play fun, counter-attacking, speedy football and have a couple of decent players knocking about. What Almería didn’t have though was fighting spirit with the club losing their last seven games to become the first team relegated this season.

The Bad Acting, Ball Girl Debuting Weekend Predictions

2011-05-06T12:58:00Z

SATURDAY
Getafe (18th) v Almería (20th)
Getafe president Angel Torres appears to have linked his club’s one win since February – the 1-0 win over Sevilla three weeks ago – to the fact that the stadium was over half full for once, after some 3,000 free tickets were handed out to kiddies in Getafe’s youth academy. As LLL was present in the Coliseum to witness the freak event of a Getafe win, the blog can report that the hapless side couldn’t help but beat a truly dreadful Sevilla no matter how many souls turned up for the game.

Torres is repeating the trick by inviting the youngsters and their families to Saturday’s must-win-or-they’re-truly-up-the-duff match against Almería, who could be relegated should they lose.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Sociedad (12th)
A victory over Barcelona last week, twelfth spot and needing just a couple of points for probable safety may not be enough for la Real coach Martin Lasarte to keep his job at the end of the season, claim AS.

Despite the fact that the Uruguayan manager took la Real up to la Primera with a team largely plucked from the youth academy, and has kept the Basques out of the relegation zone all season, the club’s bigwigs may punish Lasarte with the sack after a run of seven games without a win through February and March.

The same may happen to Unai Emery, who is out of contract at the end of the season but is being forced to wait and see if his side end up third or fourth to see if he gets to keep his job for another year. Come to think of it, knowing day-to-day life at the Mestalla madhouse, that threat might serve as encouragement for Emery to leave Valencia in fourth.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Levante (9th)
It’s not just Levante fans who are loving goal-machine extraordinaire Felipe Caicedo, but it’s the good people of the striker’s native Ecuador too – fun-loving, musical folk who have recorded a song dedicated to the on-loan Manchester City man. Oh yes.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (10th) v Deportivo (17th)
Like Levante, Sporting don’t have a great deal to play for at the moment, which perhaps explains why manager Manuel Preciado decided to dedicate his time to terrible acting for a terrible song with this performance in a terrible music video.
LLL Prediction - Away win (that’s still somehow a goalless draw)

Hércules (19th) v Racing Santander (13th)
Air traffic control problems, political unrest, a birthday party, a trip to Disneyland – just four of the excuses offered up by the increasingly desperate Racing president Francisco Pernía to explain the absence of AWOL owner Ali Syed for the team’s last two home games.

However, the "owner" tag may not be valid for much longer, with Ali Syed having reportedly missed the second payment due to the local council and the Montalvo family, from whom the Indian business ‘bought’ the club at the beginning of the year. Eight million is still owed and just €450,000 has been paid, reports Marca, who claim that the Montalvo clan are set to begin studying how to get the club back from the currently hard-to-find owner.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Málaga (14th)
Diego Forlán’s days are numbered at Atlético, it would appear. Although the unhappy Uruguayan should have been flogged last summer at the peak of his blondie-haired powers, Forlán was kept but is now nothing more than a Kaká-style rapidly depreciating bench warmer who has been left out of Atlético’s starting line-up for the past five games.

“It’s not been easy for him or me,” admitted Quique Sánchez Flores last week on a player who has been linked with a move to Besiktas over the summer to help keep Guti company while he’s busy flogging his wares.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
Will Sevilla’s crack, elite squad of young men be able to foil and confound Real Madrid’s desperate attempts to prevent Barcelona from winning the title this weekend with a victory? The answer is a resounding ‘no’.

That’s because the club’s ball boys have been removed from duties after apparently taking their own initiative through no instruction from their bosses whatsoever to lob extra balls onto the pitch a couple of weeks ago to stop any chance of a Villarreal comeback in a 3-2 win for Sevilla.

Sevilla’s president José María Del Nido has admitted that naughtiness was afoot and has promised that such scenes won’t be repeated – by using ball girls for Saturday’s clash. “We want the change to be clear and we choose the feminine option,” revealed Del Nido.

If the club are looking for more girls with basic athletic abilities, then LLL can recommend Fernando Gago to help out, as the midfielder is at an injured loose end these days.
LLL Prediction - Away win

SUNDAY
Mallorca (11th) v Villarreal (4th)
After former Mallorca boss Gregorio Manzano complained that the club’s fans were loathe to watch the team’s games thanks to the weather being too hot or too cold or the priority of paella keeping them from the stadium, the Balearic side has another challenge on its hands – getting the locals up before midday, the time of Sunday’s kick-off against Villarreal.

In an experiment to see what the response from the Asian TV market is, the match that mighty normally have been played on the Monday night was moved. To tempt Mallorca fans out of bed – or redirect those still not home from Saturday night – the club’s bosses have put on sale 3,000 tickets between three and five euros, available for purchase by existing season ticket holders.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (1st) v Espanyol (8th)
Espanyol’s José Callejón to Real Madrid? For €5m? Have the forces of Mordor suddenly become the new Getafe?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (15th) v Osasuna (16th)
Two teams who are far from safe this season but two teams – along with the rest of la Primera – who have been sent reminders from the Spanish League that, ahem, 'encouraging' other sides to produce pre-destined results is now an illegal act in Spain after the law was changed in December.

Marca for one is glad of the update to the criminal code and speaks hopefully of the end of times when “the final rounds of la Liga arrive, the intermediary appears, mysterious phone calls from dressing room to dressing room...”

“Now that the league is ending, football should be an example for all,” writes Friday’s editorial which calls for prison for anyone caught red-handed involved in such skullduggery.
LLL Prediction - Home win

“Privileged” footie fans say goodbye to Clásico craze

2011-05-04T16:41:00Z

Like Pep Guardiola, LLL is taking a lie down, a deep breath and thanking our all-powerful lizard leaders that the fiesta of four Clásicos is over. It’s been nearly three weeks of squabbles and suspensions, fouls and fakes, conspiracies and codswallop, with 11 minutes of semi-decent football over the four games thrown in as an extra Brucie bonus.

After the 1-1 draw that sends Barcelona through to the Champions League final, the scores on the doors are one win for Barcelona, one for Real Madrid, a couple of one-all draws and a group of international team-mates who for the foreseeable future may only be speaking to each other by passing notes or through third parties.

HOW IT HAPPENED How Tim and FFT covered it live

Those culés picking their way through the debris and damage in the downtown Catalan capital after an evening of rioting from Barça fans to buy their morning newspaper will have seen Mundo Deportivo answering José Mourinho’s question of why Barcelona seem to get all the breaks in football: “because Barça are better.”

“If [Madrid] are sincere, then they will admit that the team who won was the one that played more and played better,” noted Fernando Polo.

Over at Sport, Lluís Mascaró was claiming that the semi-final clash was the “final battle between good and evil” (although it's worth noting that Mascaró wrote the same about the Copa del Rey final but soon backtracked on his prediction once Barcelona had lost).

“It was football against manipulation, excellence against lies, Guardiola against Mourinho, ‘la cantera’ against millions, humility against pride, skill against physicality, control against aggression,” continued Mascaró for much of Wednesday’s edition before having to put down his thesaurus with a big self-satisfied, Barcelona-fan sigh of smugness.

The Madridista media are largely blaming the referee for their team’s inability to overturn a 2-0 deficit in the second leg that was the fault of the referee in the first game. In doing so they are collectively crying wolf more times than A-ha ever managed.

Tuesday’s latest UEFA-inspired slur against the good Madrid name was the Gonzalo Higuaín strike ruled out for a supposed foul on Javier Mascherano by Cristiano Ronaldo, who was in turn nudged by Gerard Piqué. “It’s OK Mou, it’s nothing personal, just business,” read the front page of AS with the paper claiming that the decision “looked like an accident”.

Inside the AS editor admits that “of course Barça are good, very good. A good finalist... but I don’t like the way Madrid have been driven off the road. There hasn’t been equal competition.

The theory from AS is that UEFA want Barcelona in the final along with Manchester United because Michel Platini once criticised Madrid’s rampant spending as not being a great way of doing business. “UEFA decided some time ago that Barça must win ‘yes or yes’ and that Madrid must be crushed,” wrote Tomás Roncero on Real Madrid, the poor, unloved, richest club in the world. “It’s one rule for Barça and one for the rest of the mortals.”

Marca bark that “it was mission impossible,” but in the refereeing conspiracy rather than the tactical sense. “Another bad decision frustrates Madrid’s comeback,” complained the paper, echoing Iker Casillas’s post match comments that “they robbed us here and there. They took away our final.” “Anyone who knows football knows Barcelona are protected,” sulked Cristiano Ronaldo.

However, Wednesday’s edition does manage to find some small solace in Tuesday’s result at the Camp Nou, with its editorial commenting that “Barcelona are Champions League finalists and it’s excellent news for Spanish football.” It then finishes off with a bit of a laugh to keep the punters happy for the next few days by boasting that “Spanish football enjoys enviable health and the fans can feel genuinely privileged.”

After four matches that didn’t exactly set the world alight, it’s an opinion that may not find favour with much of the planet.

Bad Days for Big Two and Desperate Deportivo

2011-05-03T10:49:00Z

RESULTS Sat 30 Apr Real Madrid 2-3 Real Zaragoza, Real Sociedad 2-1 Barcelona, Deportivo La Coruna 0-1 Atlético Madrid Sun 1 May Almería 0-1 Sevilla, Levante 0-0 Sporting Gijón, Málaga 3-1 Hércules, Racing Santander 2-0 Mallorca, Villarreal 2-1 Getafe, Osasuna 1-0 Valencia Mon 2 May Espanyol 2-1 Athletic Bilbao

GOOD DAY

Villarreal
A huge sigh of relief from Villarreal after Thursday’s 5-1 humping by Porto. Losing 1-0 at half time to Getafe - an embarrassing thing to happen to a lady these days - it looked like the club’s continuing crumble in la Liga was going to worsen.

But then they got their act together in the second half, Cani and Giuseppe Rossi coming up with a couple of goals to move Villarreal to within three points of Valencia – and, if the Mestalla men lose their nerve in the four remaining matches, a previously unthinkable chance of third place.

Kun Agüero
With goals in seven of Atletico Madrid's last eight league games, the little Argentinian is pushing the Rojiblancos towards a spot in Europe next season – and perhaps himself toward a nice transfer away from the Vicente Calderón, considering Kun kept coy about his immediate future when interviewed in Monday’s AS.

Levante, Sporting
The draw that was always going to be took place on Sunday with a 0-0 snore-fest with Levante and Sporting knowing that a point would do both their causes just fine. “Why not kiss each other!” was the chant from the stands from the unimpressed Levante fans watched the ball being passed about for 90 minutes, although Sporting boss Manuel Preciado said the result was far from written in stone. “When two teams need to draw, they draw. That doesn’t mean anything was decided before.”

Real Sociedad
Another victory from a struggling side against one of the big two (and Valencia) to turn the relegation battle from its belly onto its bum. La Real stayed patient, kept up the midfield harassing and picked up three points after a late penalty strike from Xabi Prieto, who managed to hold his nerve with just eight minutes to go.

Racing Santander
A bad day for Racing owner Ali Syed after yet another no-show at his side’s game but a good one for his players (temporarily, any way, until muscly men and a van come to repossess them) with a 2-0 win over Mallorca.

Julio Baptista
Five goals in three for Baptista - including two headers on Sunday - makes it three wins in a row for Málaga and the former struggling side pulling away from the relegation zone.

Ikechukwu Uche, Queen Lafita
A disciplined performance from the Zaragoza front two mirrored the way an admirable Zaragoza played across the park. The Nigerian striker served up two assists for Queen Lafita, with the first coming after an unfortunate missed swipe of the ball from Iker Casillas, as a pouncing Uche explained to LLL after the game.

“I saw he was coming out and I didn’t take my eyes of the ball," he told your reporter. "Unfortunately for him, he missed it and I got it. First I tried to shoot at goal but it didn’t come out the way I expected. Fortunately my team-mate was there and he could finish it.”

Zaragoza now have 39 points and the end of the season is looking very different indeed for Javier Aguirre’s men. Heck, they may even be able to avoid wholesale cheating in their remaining home games with the club’s ball boys and players refraining from chucking extra balls onto the pitch at inopportune moments for their visitors.

Osasuna
Another bottom-of-the-table team to triumph against top-three opponents: Osasuna's 1-0 win over Valencia came from a deflected shot from Alvaro Cejudo, the footballer signed to replace Juanfran during the winter transfer window.

Espanyol
Wonderfully grumpy even when winning, here's Paul from Barcelona with some pitch side mutterings on Monday's 2-1 win over Athletic Bilbao.

"You would think after last week’s fun and games that the ref would try not to make any ridiculous decisions. Well we were wrong.

"A very even opening half-hour with an unrecognisable Athletic passing the ball and not bulldozing every Espanyol player. Gorka kept Athletic in it with two great saves until an offside Osvaldo – but here’s the kicker, the ball was last touched by a Bilbao defender therefore making him onside – scored to make it 1-0.

"Then three minutes of total madness. Some Athletic player showed Tom Daley how to do it, and, of course, he then got up and scored directly from the free kick: 1-1. Then an absolute stonewall, 100% pure wool penalty for Espanyol not given. Athletic lost the ball in their area, Gorka pushed the ball away, Ivan Alonso got the ball then had both his legs taken away from him by Gorka. The ref had the perfect view and didn’t give it. Now I will expect this sort of stuff at Camp Nou on Sunday but not at home to Athletic. Ivan Alonso then had the last laugh by scoring the winner from Osvaldo’s cross shot. Espanyol held on quite easily for the victory.

"About 500 Athletic fans - not bad for a Monday night - saw a very poor team who reverted to type second half by hoofing it up to Llorente (don’t understand the fuss at all). They looked much more dangerous playing the passing game. The pleasing thing for me was Espanyol weren’t bullied out of it by the La Liga’s premier bullies, with apologies to Racing. Maybe we won’t concede 10 next Sunday after all."
–– Paul, Barcelona

BAD DAY

Barcelona
LLL suspects that Barcelona lost Saturday’s game after Real Madrid’s defeat just to annoy their Capital City rivals even further by making them regret their own slip-up against Zaragoza even more.

Real Madrid
“An atmosphere of sadness and confusion at the Bernabeu,” noted AS editor Alfredo Relaño on Sunday, the day after another defeat for Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu. He wasn’t wrong. The crowd was subdued before the game, subdued during it and subdued after. It was a collective shrug of indifference that summed up the performance of Madrid, especially in the first half.

Despite fielding the same front three of Kaká, Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuaín that tore Valencia a new one last week, the difference this time was that Zaragoza were sitting back with a five-man defence - which included Jiri Jarosik to make life extra-hard for the visitors - that didn’t allow Madrid any room for manoeuvre. The Forces of Mordor have now gone three home games in la Liga without a win.

Iker Casillas
Poor Saint Iker spent part of the match with his arms wrapped around his head trying to blot out the image of the air-kick which gifted Zaragoza their first goal in the Bernabeu.

Martin Cáceres
The Sevilla defender’s season is over after an outrageous high kick to the head from Almería’s Michael Jakobsen.

Diego Forlán
In the five games that Forlán has started from the bench in Atlético’s recent successful run, four have been victories with one draw. A move to Turkey this summer looks more likely by the day.

Deportivo
A home defeat to Atlético Madrid and somewhat unexpected victories for la Real and Zaragoza really did put the crocodile amongst the pigeons for Deportivo, whose boss Miguel Angel Lotina is still trying to take the double big two defeats in.

“I’m very upset about the other results but I’m not going to fall for the temptation of criticising any team or any coach,” grumbled the Depor manager, whose side is now fourth from bottom, just one point off the relegation zone.

Getafe
“We’re in a situation that we didn’t expect to be in,” admitted Míchel The Soon-To-Be-Fired-Manager after another defeat. Like Deportivo, Getafe have suffered enormously after the unexpected victories for Zaragoza, Real Sociedad and Osasuna. Next week’s home game against Almería could be the biggest of the club since their promotion to the top flight, bigger even that the two cup finals. Oh yes.

Almería, Hércules
Defeats for both clubs against Sevilla and Málaga respectively means that both teams are pretty much burned toast with manky jam smeared on top.

La Liga fixtures, results and tables

Ranting Mourinho fast running out of friends

2011-04-28T11:59:00Z

The empty chair in the press area next to LLL never stood a chance.

Kicked repeatedly when Pepe was sent off, kicked repeatedly after Leo Messi’s two goals saw Barca place one foot in next month's Wembley final and then booted with not inconsiderable vigour off its hinges at the final whistle by the irate and increasingly drunk Madrid fan sat behind the blog. The sozzled supporter was clearly not at all happy with what had unfolded at the Santiago Bernabeu on Wednesday night.

Once again, brave, plucky, strikerless, barely-moving-out-of-their-own-half-in-the-first-45-minutes Real Madrid had been foiled by UEFA’s ongoing plot to make Barcelona the bestest team in all the land and Champions of Europe forever and ever.

That was the narrative spouted by José Mourinho after the match, and a rather rattled Mou caused gasps of both disbelief and excitement as he launched into a spectacular rant concerning Barcelona’s supposed favoured status with UEFA, complete with shoulder shrugging aplenty and Robert de Niro facial grimacing.

“Por qué?” asked the Special One repeatedly, “Why?”

“Football should be played with the same rules for everyone with the best team winning,” argued Mourinho, who is perhaps redefining ‘winning’ as ‘grinding out a goalless draw in front of your own fans’.

While seeing Mourinho complain of Pepe-hating plots against himself and in favour of Barcelona is no great surprise, what really got the juices flowing was the Madrid manager's rather mean-spirited comments regarding Barca’s Champions League win of 2009. “Pep Guardiola is a fantastic coach, but he won a Champions League that would have shamed me due to the scandal at Stamford Bridge. If they win this one it will be after a scandal at the Bernabeu.”

This is just one of many open musings made by Mourinho that have seen Barcelona call an emergency board meeting to discuss whether the matter should be taken up with UEFA.

Unsurprisingly, seeing the Madrid manager so unsettled by the 2-0 defeat that he has already written off his team’s chances of a comeback has moved the Barcelona press to a state of near arousal, with Mundo Deportivo’s front cover proclaiming “ecstasy” after the result.

Writing inside, Santi Nolla also has a solution to Mourinho’s red card “pour qué” conundrum. “It’s very easy to answer: it’s because of Mourinho. The Portuguese coach gets his footballers to play to the limit every time against Barcelona.”

Sport’s doberman of destruction - he of the Taliban of Madrid claims - Lluís Mascaró, is understandably in a sprightly mood and declares that El Clásico III was “class against power, brilliance against vulgarity.” “Barça managed last night in the Bernabeu to win their passport to the Champions League final and shut Mourinho’s mouth.”

There’s more sympathy for Mourinho and Madrid in the local papers. But only just. The main support for the club’s plight comes from Tomás Roncero, who fumes that “in the same way the Villarato is working in Spain, it’s the Platinato in Europe.”

However, that’s to be expected from the maddest of Madridistas. There’s criticism for both sides from AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, who fusses over what was largely a disappointing spectacle filled with pushing, shoving and more than a little diving. “Two such excellent teams are transmitting an inappropriate image in these games.”

LLL was expecting Marca to be fuming over Pepe’s sending off. Although that is the case to a degree, now that former director Eduardo Inda has left the paper a semblance of balance has been restored that sees Marca being particularly forceful in its criticism of Mourinho’s tactics and formation for the semi-final clash.

“It was a mediocre Madrid before and after the sending off of Pepe,” according to the paper’s match report. It was a comment echoed by Thursday’s editorial which boomed that “the huge irritation provided by a mistake of this size must not serve as an excuse to forget the fearful line-up set up by Mourinho.”

In José Mourinho’s mind the Spanish FA, Spanish League and UEFA are all out to get him. He really is in trouble if the local press have turned on him too. After all, it could be someone upstairs who is next to take aim.

Potty-mouth Pep comes out swinging for Clásico III

2011-04-27T13:28:00Z

On Tuesday, it really did feel as if the respective camps participating in the toddler-esque festival of bickering between Barcelona and Real Madrid simply weren’t trying hard enough, worn down perhaps by the requirements of producing gallons of dribble and drivel on a daily basis.

The best that Marca and AS could come up with was to suggest that UEFA was under the thrall of Barcelona – as per the Spanish FA – with the appointment of Wolfgang Stark for Wednesday’s Champions League clash, an official who once expressed the shock opinion that Leo Messi was a good player.

Pep’s Dream Boys had had their way apparently when Guardiola joked on Saturday that his counterpart José Mourinho would be happy with a Portuguese referee for the semi-final encounter at the Santiago Bernabeu.

“In the end, a fan of Messi will be the ref,” complained Marca, with their pet ex-official Rafa Guerrero let out of his pen to grump that Stark is “arrogant and has no dialogue with the players” (which LLL thought is as Spanish as tortilla and creating conspiracy theories, and thus perfect to the game). “UEFA listen to Pep and a German will be the ref,” huffed AS.

“Madrid put pressure on the ref!” was the complaint from Mundo Deportivo, who were noting that Madridistas were noting that the German official had failed to give Madrid a penalty for a Yoann Gourcuff handball in the team’s last-16 tie against Lyon.

However, an interchange divided by a period of five hours between Mourinho and Guardiola soon perked up journalists on both sides – and guaranteed the headlines on Wednesday would not involve the now-discarded topic of Wolfgang Stark.

“SuperPep!” screamed Mundo Deportivo! “Mourinho-ised!” trumpeted AS! “Laura Manzanedo gets naked in the street!” promised current affairs magazine Interviú!

The tale began when a mischievous José Mourinho, with no sense of shame whatsoever, noted that there used to be two groups of managers: those who never spoke about referees and those who only mentioned them when mistakes were made. The Special One put himself in this second pot with an admirably straight face.

The Madrid boss was referring to a comment made by Pep Guardiola that Barça could have won the Copa del Rey were it not for a couple of centimetres and an attentive linesman – an observation Mourinho appears to have taken as a sarcastic jibe, something that Sergio Ramos managed to do too. Then again, that’s not wholly surprising as the flamenco-loving defender is probably spending much of Wednesday having the concept of the away goals rule patiently explained to him.

"Don't tell him I said this, but..."

“We now have a third group and that’s him: someone who criticises correct decisions by the ref. It’s something I’ve never seen in the world of football,” said Mourinho, perhaps forgetting his complaints about Raúl Albíol’s perfectly legitimate sending off against Barcelona in El Clásico I nearly two weeks ago.

Guardiola is normally the sensible type to ignore this kind of nonsense but this was a step too far for the follically failing Barça boss. He conceded that Mourinho had won “the game off the field. He’s been winning all year,” but that it was going to be very different at 20.45 in Madrid.

“In this room, he’s the f***king boss, the f***king big guy, the cleverest man in the world. I don’t want to compete with him even for just one moment,” said Pep. After calming down a tad, Guardiola explained in English towards the end of the press conference why his reaction to yet another provocation from Mourinho was met with such force and vigour.

“It’s the first time he’s said ‘Pep’,” explained the Barcelona manager. “‘You did this, you said this’ so afterwards I have to respond. Normally there’s talk in general about a club, a team, a coach. It’s the first time he’s said ‘Pep’.”

“If he continues to say ‘Pep’, I’ll say ‘hey José!’” joked the slightly calmer coach.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

The response in the press is suitably divided with the Madridista world suggesting that Pep had lost the plot, although Marca did try to be a grown-up for once with the editorial castigating both coaches for their performances in front of the press. “The sorry sparring of Madrid and Barcelona managers... has robbed the attention from what’s most important of all: the ball.”

Feisty Barcelona paper Sport came out in strong defence of Guardiola’s potty-mouthed tiff with Josep María Casanovas arguing that “the reaction of Pep is understandable, laudable and human.”

“Mourinho has spent the whole year criticising the referees, attacking colleagues, making accusations at opponents and disrespecting his superiors – and the result is that Guardiola is the bad guy of the film,” complained a disbelieving Joan Vehils.

LLL thinks that it will be a shame to ruin all the pre-match fun with a game of football. But sadly that’s what’s going to be happening in the Santiago Bernabeu in a match where fisticuffs both mental and physical must surely be on the cards. And that can only be a good thing all round.

Good Day, Bad Day: Golden Gonzalo, Angry Unai and Awful Arizmendi

2011-04-26T09:52:00Z

Good Day

Barcelona

It was time for a spot of role reversal for Madrid and Barcelona on Saturday night. Pep’s Dream Boys were the team grinding out a narrow home win and scoring with their only shot on target, while the Forces of Mordor had whipped off their kit and were merrily running naked through the sprinklers of surprise with wonderful passing and six goals away from home.

And that’s probably because one team have perhaps the biggest and best squad in Europe and the other are completely knackered.

Gonzalo Higuaín

Anyone disliked by both Marca and the big Bernabeu bosses is a friend of LLL - and that’s why the blog has always been happy to hold Gonzalo’s hand, buy him a latte and call him a chum through his thick and thin spells at Real Madrid (and that’s not a reference to Sergio Ramos and Pepe).

Higuaín celebrated his ongoing return from a back injury with three goals, two assists and a hearty hair ruffle of approval from LLL. The blog has yet to deliver the third part but it has two bites at the Gonzalo cherry on Wednesday and Saturday at the Santiago Bernabeu. Security permitting.

Iker Muniain

Another goal for that loveable little scamp, Iker Muniain, gave Athletic a victory in a typically feisty derby against Real Sociedad and leaves them just six points off the still wobbling Villarreal with five games to go. Chin-strokingly interesting stuff, especially because LLL predicted back in August that Athletic would grab fourth spot this season.

Atlético Madrid

Another trip to the Vicente Calderón for LLL on a Sunday evening and another comfy-as-cushions victory for Atlético Madrid, who are squatting in seventh and hugging a four point gap over Espanyol. As with the clash against Real Sociedad a fortnight ago, Atleti only looked troubled for twenty minutes and came out on top with a 4-1 win, even with Juanfran and Raul García playing.

Michael Laudrup

The victory over Getafe for Mallorca didn’t exactly make the front pages in Spain but it was still an important one as it puts Mallorca on 42 points with five games to spare - not bad going for a team in administration and shorn of all it’s half-decent players over the summer.

“We can now play the last five games without anxiety, tension and perhaps try to get as far up the table as possible,” announced the Great Dane in what sounds like great news for Racing, Villarreal, Hércules, Almería and Atlético Madrid - Mallorca’s final opponents.

Sporting

It was a truly awful week for Manuel Preciado which saw the death of the Sporting’s coach’s father in a road accident - another tragedy to go alongside the death of his wife through cancer in 2002 and of his son in other car accident two years later.

But his players responded on Sunday to perhaps cheer him up slightly with a 1-0 victory to lift Sporting to 42 points and probably safety. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return such love,” said Preciado of his players. “The hard work from this dressing room is the most I’ve had as a coach.”

Julio Baptista

A veritable humdinger of an opening strike against Racing helped Málaga to a 2-1 win and a second victory on the trot. The Beast has returned just in time with three goals in two games that sees Málaga three points away from the relegation zone.

Hércules

A 1-0 win over Deportivo but still going down (grumble, grumble, grumble).

Bad Day

Valencia

The Mestalla massive are not the must understanding bunch at the best of times, so it was not wholly unsurprising that the home crowd were all with the Ever Banega on Saturday evening by bringing out the hankies and tissues. But this time there was very little pleasuring involved.

Valencia’s finest moment was perhaps the dithering from Jeremy Mathieu to allow Gonzalo Higuaín’s first goal of three. Or perhaps it was Unai Emery’s Stormin’ Norman impression after the game which made the stadium’s foundations rumble and crumble. “I don’t understand how we can be so aggressive against Villarreal and do nothing against Madrid,” fumed Unai. “We were a joke. A big joke.”

Villarreal

Another defeat this weekend but if Villarreal make it to the Europa League final and grab fourth spot then the recent losses in this final section of the season would all have been worth it.

Sevilla

Yes, it was a handy win for Sevilla in their Europa League chase, but LLL really can’t believe that the ball boys acted of their own initiative by chucking balls onto the pitch to disrupt the play and refusing to hand them to the Villarreal players, as happened with Diego López who even appeared to push one of the little blighters over at one point.

“Disgraceful,” blasted Alvaro Negredo. “This isn’t the behaviour of a senior team,” noted Diego Capel.

LLL disagrees. This is exactly the kind of behaviour you'd expect from a side whose players spend a large amount of their time hurling themselves to the ground and faking injuries to get an advantage, so it’s no surprise that the ball boys are in on the act too.

Oh yes. LLL forgot - Sevilla have done this before in February's clash against Hércules...

...see?

Espanyol

A third defeat in five now sees Espanyol slipping from the European places, to the fringes of the European places to quite a long way from the European places.

Deportivo

“A game of few goals as Deportivo were one of the teams” - Gol TV commentator proving that it isn’t just LLL cracking cheap jokes at Dull Deportivo’s expense during the Galician team’s 1-0 defeat at Hércules.

Racing, Real Sociedad

Defeats for both sides throws both teams back in the fringes of the relegation fight,

Javier Arizmendi

Two identical headed efforts from corners being conceded by Getafe were bad enough in the defeat to Mallorca, but a ball ballooned over the bar in front of an open goal by Javier Arizmendi was perhaps the low (or high, depending on how you yank your crank) light of Getafe’s defeat.

Barca left with six days to find a way around Madrid's rearguard

2011-04-21T14:12:00Z

When the immensely unhinged Lluís Mascaró, writing in Wednesday’s edition of Barça-barmy Sport, declared in a fit of hysteria that the Copa del Rey final was “a battle between good and evil, between generosity and meanness, between love and hate,” LLL realised things were going to be more than a little fruity both on and off the pitch before, during and after ‘Clásico II - The Cup Final’.

But that didn't mean the sight of Alvaro Arbeloa treading on David Villa and then dragging him to his feet in the first half of Madrid’s eventual 1-0 win came as any less of a shock - and it was just the first of many spats and spits between the two teams on a fractious night at the Mestalla.

Happily, the nation's potty press provided a sense of normality, both pre and post game, fixing bayonets and taking up their usual defensive positions.

“Mou, this is why they brought you in!” was Marca’s front cover on Wednesday confirming Florentino Pérez’s newly adopted, self-preserving policy of ‘win-at-any-costs-you-lumps-do-you-know-how-much-of-the-club’s-cash-I’ve-blown?’

Unsurprisingly it was Marca who were the most enthusiastic when it came to post-match cheerleading, with their beloved Madrid having won the newly-squashed Copa del Rey for the first time in 18 years, a moment that brought an estimated 100,000 fans to Cibeles to greet their heroes at at 4.30am - but only once the trophy had been rescued from under the front wheel of the double-decker bus.

However, in a particularly melodramatic article, the paper’s Madridista-in-chief Eduardo Inda did not seem at all happy about the result.

“Juan Merengue is sad about what happened in Valencia. He’s sad to see the Copa del Rey being lifted by a team that has destroyed the traditional values of Madridismo. He’s sad because a team that allows Pepe and Khedira to play should not win anything. He’s sad because Florentino Pérez, the worst president in the history of world football - or perhaps of the universe, has won his way.”

But don't worry, the paper’s director was in fact making a rather clumsy attempt at sarcasm. Either that, or he is now a pile of ashes on top of an office chair having been on the wrong end of one of Florentino’s pin-sat death rays.

Inda has successfully mimicked the approach of the Catalan press on Thursday morning, who are in pouty, arms-folded, "we're not playing any more" mode, with Sport’s headline pointing out that Madrid “have the cup, but we have the league”. “In two matches, Barça must show why they are the most admired team in the world,” wrote Johan Vehils with another nauseating smug-fest among a series of articles that rambled on about anti-football and all the usual guff.

The orders from Sport's Lluís Mascaró are considerably stronger. “May nobody talk about the end of a cycle. May no-one from the Taliban media cavern say that the blaugrana project is over.” It’s hard to know what Mascaró will do should anyone disobey his commands, as judging by the writer’s by-line photo, the columnist has the air of Hi-di-Hi’s Jeffrey Fairbrother about him. But without the menace...

Mundo Deportivo are attempting to be a little more adult in the face of Barcelona’s defeat, with Thursday’s front cover looking towards the Champions League semi-finals their team are probably going to lose on away goals. “Yesterday, Real Madrid won the cup. Congratulations. But it will be avenged,” warned Santi Nolla.

“Madrid are the cup champions after stopping Barça from scoring in 120 minutes of play. An achievement that must be recognised,” writes Miguel Rico in the nearest the Catalan media camp get to complimenting Mourinho’s successfully deployed tactics.

In the eyes of one Sport writer, the world is now being ruled by the forces of darkness, which would explain why so many people seem to be staying off the streets in the Spanish capital today - or it could just be down to the combination of a bank holiday and a lot of sore heads.

Regardless of that, the Catalan contingent can grumble all they like but it won’t help Barcelona in the battle against Mourinho’s forces of Mordor. Pep’s Dream Boys have now been stopped in their tracks by Madrid twice in the space of five days. Barcelona have about the same time to find a solution to prevent it from happening again.

********

The ‘LLL Deserves a Bank Holiday Too’ Mini Weekend Predictions

Saturday

Valencia v Real Madrid - Away Win
Barcelona v Osasuna - Home Win
Athletic Bilbao v Real Sociedad - Home win

Sunday

Mallorca v Team Dubai - Home win
Sporting v Espanyol - Draw
Hércules v Deportivo - Goalless Draw
Racing v Málaga - Away Win
Atlético v Levante - Home Win
Sevilla v Villarreal - Home win

Monday

Zaragoza v Almería - Home win

El Clásico II: A deafening anthem, replica shirts & an invisible No.9

2011-04-19T10:37:00Z

“So, do you think the referee tonight was biased?”

“Eh?”

“Do you think the referee tonight was biased?”

“What?”

“DO YOU THINK THE REFEREE TONIGHT WAS BIASED?!”

That’s the way hundreds of post-game conversations will go after Wednesday’s Copa del Rey final, as it looks like some 40,000 supporters of Barcelona and Real Madrid are going to be stumbling out of the Mestalla with ears ringing as if they had spent the evening squatting inside an amplifier at a Metallica concert.

To prevent a repeat of the 2009 Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Athletic Bilbao - a royalist’s worst nightmare which saw the national anthem booed to high heaven by all and sundry in the stadium - Marca is reporting that the Mestalla PA system is set to be cranked up to 120 decibels to drown out any such republican rumblings from the Catalan contingent. However, the paper is warning that “after 55 decibels experts consider levels to be disturbing for human hearing.”

The deafening volumes are set to be especially irksome for sensitive Culés and Madridistas given the noise levels at their respective home grounds rarely get above the level of rustling sweet packets, the unwrapping of a ham and cheese sandwich or moans that their team isn’t winning by a big enough margin.

"What do you mean you didn't bring your Real Madrid replica shirt...?"

Both Madridista papers are hoping their side of the stadium will be full to the brim with cheery supporters dressed in white. AS report on a request from the Madrid players that fans wear the club’s shirt on Wednesday, but more importantly to pop down to the club shop and buy one if they don’t already have the garment hanging in their wardrobe. Meanwhile Marca tell of a campaign from Madrid fan groups to get those heading to the Mestalla to bring Spanish flags with them too.

“It’s an opportunity to show constitutional Spain’s best face, where there’s a common anthem and flag but alongside different anthems and flags that represent different identities,” says Tuesday’s editorial in an insanely hopeful appeal for a nationalist spirit of unity in the cup final.

The Barcelona press are still in their holier than thou, Snooty McSnooty Pants special place after Saturday’s supposed moral victory over Real Madrid. Faced with the very real prospect of being ground down to a textbook Mourinho-esque 1-0 defeat on Wednesday, the local papers are resorting to taunting their rivals for their spoiling approach to the past league encounter.

“A divided Madrid!” yells Mundo Deportivo’s front page on Tuesday, noting the surprisingly damning rant from Alfredo di Stefano in Monday’s edition of Marca in which he dismissed Madrid as “a team without personality” and praised Barça’s football for being best “watched with the soul not with the eyes.”

“Mourinho is a manager for titles, not football,” writes the ever-pompous Johan Cruyff in El Periódico. “He’s not a coach for how we understand the sport as a spectacle or diversion.”

In between all the endless maps, graphics, shots of team hotels and reports on the length of the grass of the Mestalla pitch, there is room somewhere for speculation on the line-ups for Wednesday’s Clásico II. Marca suggest that Mesut Özil will be playing as an “invisible number nine” alongside Angel di María and Cristiano Ronaldo. LLL is wondering if it is an invisible number nine in the same role that Karim Benzema played for much of the season. If so, that might not work.

In the Catalan camp, Sport are speculating that Guardiola has yet to decide between Seydou Keita and Pedro, but that José Manuel Pinto and his gangsta braids are set to start in goal as the club’s official Copa Del Rey keeper, this season.

LLL hopes Pinto remembers to put ear plugs into his kitbag along with gloves and a hairnet as it legs set to be a noisy night in Mestalla on Wednesday night.

Good Day, Bad Day: Triumph and Disaster for top two

2011-04-18T13:02:00Z

RESULTS Sat 16 Apr Getafe 1-0 Sevilla, Málaga 3-0 Mallorca, Almería 0-3 Valencia, Real Madrid 1-1 Barcelona Sun 17 Apr Real Sociedad 2-1 Sporting Gijón, Levante 2-1 Hércules, Deportivo La Coruña 2-0 Racing Santander, Osasuna 1-2 Athletic Bilbao, Espanyol 2-2 Atlético Madrid

GOOD DAY

Real Madrid, Barcelona (see also Bad Day)
A glorious moral victory for Real Madrid in the face of refereeing bias once again! Proof positive that the Catalan machine can be stopped in its dastardly referee-assisted tracks through the use of longer grass! A superior Real Madrid even when the side were down to 10 men! Spirits higher than ever in the camp ahead of Wednesday’s Copa clash!

The league title in the bag for Pep’s Dream Boys! Barcelona as solid as a rock and refusing to stoop to Real Madrid’s evil spoiling tactics! Leo Messi showing fire and spirit for the Catalan clause by pinging balls into the stands!

Swooping Spider-cam
Kept LLL entertained for the first half an hour when what was happening on the pitch was hardly tantalising.

Mrs Roberto Soldado (again)
A seventh strike in three matches for Soldado. Three wins from three for Valencia. And yet more good times aplenty for the good lady wife of the Mestalla marksman, who claims that he always needs ‘satisfaction’ after scoring goals.

Athletic Bilbao
Not just for the win at Osasuna: Sevilla, Espanyol and Atlético Madrid all dropped points too.

Levante
And so the Team Of The Second Half Of The Season all but completes its marvellous survival mission with some six matches left. Their current 42 points should easily be enough to see Levante through after an eight-match unbeaten run continued with a 2-1 victory over Hércules.

“We’re ninth and I’m super proud,” beamed coach Luis García, whose new task is to keep Levante on the hunt for an improbable European place. Seventh spot is just four points away, but more importantly occupied by the reliably unreliable Atlético Madrid.

Real Sociedad
Cliché dictates that Sunday’s 2-1 victory over Sporting was a ‘massive’ win for la Real after five defeats. Four more points from the final six games probably needed to complete a successful return from la Segunda.

Deportivo
A lucky 2-0 win, apparently.

Getafe
A blooming awful start to the weekend’s football in the Coliseum on Saturday afternoon in a dreadful match between two teams who took to the field without anyone of any quality to liven things up a bit.

The encounter got close to something resembling a thrill and maybe an inkling of a spill in the final 15 minutes after Miku scored for Getafe – but up to that point it was stodgy stuff from a Getafe side who huffed and puffed to little avail and a Sevilla team who simply couldn’t be bothered, despite all the pre-match talk of ‘seven finals’ and the Champions League places.

Julio Baptista
The big beast has returned from a couple of months out just in time to perhaps steer Málaga out of trouble. Two goals in a fairly predictable 3-0 win over nothing-to-play-for Mallorca sees the southern side sneaking out of the relegation zone – at least until third-from-bottom Zaragoza’s trip to Villarreal on Monday night.

BAD DAY

Real Madrid, Barcelona
The league title surrendered before a ball had been kicked by deploying clogging Pepe instead of Mesut Özil! José Mourinho once again blaming referees for Real Madrid’s sixth successive failure to beat Barcelona! More indiscipline from the Madrid defenders who lose the plot when the going gets tough!

Barça’s passing machine breaks down at introduction of an imperious Pepe! David Villa without a goal for Barça in 10 games! Leo Messi loses cool and kicks a ball into the crowd in frustration at Real Madrid’s overwhelming dominance! Dani Alves in no yellow card, stays on the pitch shock!

Espanyol
Defensive blunders! Errors ahoy! But this time, they largely came from Espanyol and not Atlético Madrid in Sunday’s strange 2-2 draw. And Paul from Barcelona was there to see everything.

“It’s soul-destroying when you outplay one of your direct rivals and only get a point. Certain Espanyol players did everything they could to help Atlético win. From minute one, Mr Weak Link himself, Galan, gently passed the ball to Koke (Do they call him “Okay”?) who scored more by surprise than skill. Could it get any worse? Oh yes.

"Espanyol must be taking defensive coaching from Blackpool’s Craig Cathcart – the Galan mistake was that bad. To be fair he did redeem himself with a fantastic tackle later, but every time Espanyol’s defender started passing the ball around the other team looks like scoring.

"The crowd really got behind Espanyol, who created a few openings before a great pass over the defence found Osvaldo who raced clear and his deflected shot made it 1-1.

"Then the first of two genuine moments of class in the game. The pass of the season from Callejón: a beautifully weighted curl along the ground from the halfway line to Kun, who chipped Kameni to make it 2-1. Xavi and Iniesta would have killed to make a pass as good as that. Regular readers might have spotted the ‘but’: Callejón plays for Espanyol not Atletico, although ‘plays’ is being generous.

"The second moment of class came when a defence-splitting cross from Verdú found the unmarked Osvaldo, whose flying header made it 2-2. A great finish from the man of the match.

"So, two points dropped by Espanyol rather than a point gained. Usual rubbish refereeing. Raul García got the “Dani Alves” get out of jail free card. Basic maths: two yellow card offenses = two yellow cards = one red = get off the pitch."

Ricardo
The Osasuna keeper came flying out of his goal to chase down a long ball in the final minute of the clash with Athletic Bilbao with the score at 1-1. Unfortunately for the hapless goalie, all he managed to do was take out his full-back Nelson and leave an open goal for Iker Muniain to give Athletic the win. Osasuna now on a run of three straight defeats.

Hércules
The “Djukic” effect lasted just two games, with Hércules losing out to Levante and probably needing four wins from six in the club’s final run-in. Doomed! Doomed! Doomed!

Almería
Two defeats from two now for bottom-of-the-table Almería boss Roberto Olabe has LLL musing over whether the club will be about to fire its third coach of the campaign.

The lightly-fined, Ikea-stressed, green & gold scarf wearing weekend Primera predictions

2011-04-15T11:09:00Z

Saturday

Getafe (16th) v Sevilla (5th)

Persuading Getafe fans to turn up to the Coliseum in their heaving dozens is a tough business when the team is doing well, so it is a near impossible task when the side is in trouble. Which is now.

Míchel the Manager - but not for much longer - is leading a team that is lumbering about on a run of just one win in 15 league games, leaving Getafe a mere four points from the relegation zone. To make matters worse the player who has scored five of the side’s last seven goals and captain, Manu Del Moral, is out for a month.

This is why club president, Angel Torres, has launched a campaign to fill the stadium against Sevilla, largely by giving away tickets - and that still may not be enough to get supporters through the turnstiles.

Some 2,000 have been handed out to the wee kiddies who are in the team’s youth academy and who are set to make the Coliseum sound like an England youth international on Saturday afternoon.

LLL Prediction - Home win (Arizmendi hat-trick. LLL isn’t kidding either)

Málaga (19th) v Mallorca (9th)

Friday’s predictions wouldn’t be the same without some halfwit footballer claiming their upcoming match was a ‘final’ where only a win would be enough, before losing the game in question and repeating the whole process the following week.

Today’s numbskull is Málaga’s Recio, who claims Saturday’s encounter against Mallorca is a ‘final’ in their battle to avoid relegation.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Almería (20th) v Valencia (3rd)

Positive thinking. Never a bad thing. Especially when it comes from the mouth of the manager-firer extraordinaire and club president of Almería and therefore possesses high giggle quantity.

“Out of the last seven games we can win five or six,” boasted Alfonso García on a run-in that begins with the visit of Valencia on Saturday and includes clashes against Sevilla, Villarreal and Real Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Barcelona (1st)

Four Clásicos! Pep vs José! Messi vs Ronaldo! Unfortunately, though, LLL has been more distracted by Thursday night’s awarding of the 'Marca legend' award to Fabio Capello - a figure the paper have repeatedly been rather snooty towards thanks to his ‘anti-football’. Perhaps the Italian earned this legendary status for twice being fired by Real Madrid straight after winning the league title...

Marca, in turn, wins its own LLL award - the prize for the most desperately contrived Clásico graphic - an epic effort on Friday that portrays the various tactical schemes of Pep Guardiola and José Mourinho, but in the form of Ikea assembly instructions - something that brought LLL out in a panic cold sweat within seconds.

LLL Prediction - Football will be the winner (You're a coward - ed)

Sunday

Real Sociedad (13th) v Sporting (11th)

There have been rumblings around the Basque country that la Real president, Jokin Aperribay, was going to follow the dark path taken by Almería and Hércules recently by freaking out and sacking the club’s coach with the threat of relegation on the horizon.

Real Sociedad have lost five in a row and were blooming awful in the last of that run, Sunday’s defeat at Atlético Madrid, but the team’s prez promises that he will be sticking with Martin Lasarte for the moment, the coach who took the northern side up from la Segunda last season.

“I had a very open conversation with Martin and he knows that if he has any problems with the squad then he should tell me,” said Aperribay. “At the moment we have a good person and a good coach.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (10th) v Hércules (18th)

Disappointment. That’s the main emotion felt by LLL as it watched the then suspended Levante defender, Sergio Ballesteros, being filmed watching TV whilst catching his team’s late equaliser against Racing last weekend - a goal that brought the side to within a crumpet’s crampon of survival.

Instead of a giant whoop and leap around his living room from the big fella that was expected from the blog, the Thor-like, huge-necked defender gave a half-hearted cheer and a fist pump that was Tim Henman-esque in its limpness.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (15th) v Racing Santander (12th)

In a radio interview with Cadena Ser, Racing president Francisco Pernía didn’t really convince LLL that everything was well with new owner Ali Syed, who has a few fraud scandals around the world to firefight at the moment.

The players seem to feel the same way with 11 of the squad still being owed money from last season - not Ali Syed’s fault, to be fair - but having been promised the cash on at least three occasions.

“I prefer not to think about what will happen of we don’t get paid before the weekend as they promised us,” warned Pedro Munitis in a stern message that forced Pernía to show the footballers a copy of the transfer that had apparently been made from Bahrein to bring their coffers up to date.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (14th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

This contest always brings out the debate on Athletic Bilbao supposedly pinching players from the Narvarra region and from under Osasuna’s noses, such as Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente, and stamping ‘Basque’ onto their foreheads before dressing them up in red and white stripes.

Athletic midfielder, Carlos Gurpegui, has added his thoughts to the debate by saying that if his club “take from Nararra, in this case perhaps it’s because Osasuna don’t look after them and Athletic take advantage of this.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Espanyol (8th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

When is a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans not a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans? When Atlético president, Enrique Cerezo, says it isn’t, that’s when.

For the past few months, members of the the Rojiblanco faithful have copied the 'green and gold' campaign of Manchester United fans to express their displeasure at the current owners of their own club.

One of the guilty party in these fans’ eyes, the logic-seeing Cerezo, was asked about the scarves in AS and claimed that supporters “are demonstrating against the owners of Manchester United and not Atlético.”

Meanwhile the other club owner, Miguel Angel Gil, was commenting on the reports in the Spanish media that a deal had been done between United and goalkeeper David De Gea - a story denied by both Atlético and De Gea. However, the son of Jesús Gil did spill the beans on what was heading in the direction of the Atleti keeper these days aside from balls and bad back passes from Luis Perea.

“Manchester United are offering him five times more than he earns here, but they are not the only club after him. Chelsea want him as well,” revealed the discreet Atlético Director General.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Monday

Villarreal (4th) v Zaragoza (17th)

602 euros! That’s all that Zaragoza were fined by the Spanish FA after two balls were thrown onto the pitch by a mysterious soul sitting on the home side bench during Monday’s visit of Getafe whenever the visitors attacked at 2-1 down in the final minutes.

Except that the mysterious soul is not so shadowy it seems with Getafe defender, Iván Marcano saying that “we all knew who threw it.” This knowledge may coincide with nut job, Cata Díaz, attempting to have a quiet word with Zaragoza midfielder, Ander Herrera, as the players walked off the pitch after the game but being foiled in his ambitions by a wall of the youngster’s team-mates.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Madrid head to London with Pep's 'insult' ringing in their ears

2011-04-13T13:23:00Z

With his headshot staring out from the back page of this morning's Barcelona-themed Mundo Deportivo like a particularly camp but extremely furious agony uncle, journalist Lluís Mascaró is a seething hotbed of righteous anger.

“Madridismo impotency against the footballing superiority of Barça has forced the Taliban of Madrid journalism to invent all manner of absurd stories to destablise the blaugrana team,” fumed Mascaró, refusing to get carried away when comparing a few halfwit hacks in the Spanish capital to the particularly murderous Afghan militia group.

The issue that really steamed his sponge pudding was a story in Tuesday's Marca concerning a lapse in concentration from Pep Guardiola in the previous day’s press conference ahead of the Shakhtar Donetsk clash.

For those with a billion things better to do with their lives than keep up to date with the day-to-day, infantile nonsense that keeps the Spanish football press in business, the Barça boss had a momentary mind-wipe whilst answering a question and forgot that a semi-final stood between the Dream Boys and a big night out at Wembley.

“If we get past this round by knocking out Shakhtar we are in the final,” announced Guardiola before being corrected and apologising in English with a sheepish grin for his “big mistake”.

The matter was tittered at as the fluffiest of anecdotes elsewhere, but Marca mused that this was perhaps yet another insult aimed at Real Madrid ahead of what the paper has labelled “The Rally of Clásicos”. Pep’s despicable slur merely followed on from the other awful things said about the Mordor club in recent weeks, including the joke from Sandro Rosell that Barça would win the cup final 5-0 “to keep up the habit”.

“It’s difficult to tell if we are seeing a mistake or a premeditated change in attitude,” mused Tuesday’s mean-spirited editorial.

Despite Pep’s supposed cracking up - “he’s a bag of nerves,” observed Monday’s Marca - his Dream Boys won a Champions League knock-out match away from home for the first time under Guardiola with a 1-0 win over Shakhtar and a 48th goal in 47 games for Leo Messi.

Real Madrid now have to seal their part of the Champions League semi-final deal by avoiding a hammering by ‘Arry in White Hart Lane. The main speculation from the Capital City press is over which players will be rested ahead of Saturday’s liga Clásico and which players currently one yellow from a suspension will be carded on Wednesday - a roster that includes Cristiano Ronaldo.

The match itself should be a doddle, according to Marca's Roberto Gómez, who claims that “if Spurs were in the Spanish league then they would be mid-table. Upper mid-table.” But the columnist knows so little about anything - never mind football - that Madrid fans may actually be a little wary that his comments regarding the supposed ease of Wednesday’s second leg clash in London could also prove wide of the mark.

Are Zaragoza cheats, or just clever?

2011-04-12T13:24:00Z

Relations between Zaragoza and Getafe were frosty even before Monday night’s fiery relegation battle in La Romareda.

The visiting club president, Angel Torres, had been more than vocal in threatening to have Zaragoza thrown out of the Spanish top flight for failing to meet a transfer installment for former Getafe striker Ikechukwu Uche, who was sold to the Aragonese team for €2.8 million in the summer of 2009.

The failure to pay this installment worth €950,000, along with the inability of Zaragoza president, Agapito Iglesias, to answer Torres’s ten calls concerning the money, left the Getafe bigwig understandably peeved as it prevented him from making his own payments to club staff in time.

“This is fraud in every aspect of the law,” claimed Torres who has reportedly threatened to get his money back either through an official compliant to the Spanish League (LFP) or through the courts.

Taking the first path is an absolute waste of time, considering it isn’t considered a big deal in Spain for clubs to go into administration or have outstanding debts to other sides - despite these being issues frowned upon by UEFA, as Mallorca found to their cost when they were chucked out of this season’s Europa League. Besides, the LFP is run by a collection of buffoons as the debacle of the recent ‘strike’ threat showed.

That thought may have gone through Torres’ mind on Monday as his former striker, Uche, charged through on goal to pass the ball out to Nicolás Bertolo for Zaragoza’s winner in a 2-1 victory over Getafe that sees Zaragoza now sitting just one point behind the visitors, who have still managed just the single league win in 2011.

Zaragoza were profiteering on Monday night in two respects - by taking advantage of the apparently freebie Uche in the game and by depriving their opponents of both the player and the financial means of replacing him.

But there was more skullduggery to come in the match, with no small amount of blatant cheating from Zaragoza. As Getafe pressed for an equaliser in the final minutes, extra balls suddenly appeared on the pitch. Therefore, every time the visitors pressed, the game had to be stopped, interrupting Getafe’s flow, somewhat.

“There were nearly six balls on the pitch, even the referee could have dribbled one,” fumed Getafe manager, Míchel, who cut an understandably livid figure on the touchline.

Zaragoza manager, Javier Aguirre, claimed he felt “ashamed” by what had happened. “I apologise publicly in my name and that of Real Zaragoza as I don’t like it. I’m a defender of fair play.”

Sadly not everyone on his team shares such noble values as at least one of the extra balls introduced onto the pitch was rolled out by someone sitting on the Zaragoza bench, an action that has brought out the sabre-rattling Daily Mail reader in LLL, with the blog calling for Zaragoza to have the three points gained on Monday night taken away from them, perhaps with a further 15 point deduction on top of that for good measure. And that’s before dealing with the fact that their star striker shouldn’t have been out on the pitch in the first place on moral grounds.

But that’s the way things seem to run in the Spanish game, which favours ‘los listos’ over the ‘los buenos’ - the ‘clever’ over the ‘good’.

You want to fix matches to stay up or win promotion? No problem! All cases will be ‘archived’ by the FA and LFP as with the evidence and accusations against Hércules.

No intention of paying for players you sign from other teams, leaving them in the lurch as with Mallorca’s purchase of Ariz Aduriz from Athletic Bilbao? Don’t sweat! There is nothing in the statutes preventing you from doing this. In fact, it’s almost the done thing.

Want to chuck extra balls on to the pitch? No biggies. Just apologise and everyone else will just forget about it. After all, it’s not as if it happened to anyone important is it?

Good Day, Bad Day: Kaká’s comeback and Soldado the happy hubby

2011-04-11T13:33:00Z

Good day

Barcelona

Another slightly flat, unsatisfactory performance from Barça in the 3-1 win against Almería, but it didn’t need to be a particularly pumped up one considering two away trips to Ukraine and the Realm of Mordor are to come over the next few days.

Leo Messi

Lil’ Leo has now scored 47 goals this season in all competitions equalling the Camp Nou record of the Real Ronaldo from the 1996-97 season.

Kaká

Kaká seems like such a nice, decent fella that it has often broken the blog’s delicate little heart over the past 18 months to make childish, mean-spirited jokes about the Brazilian being a waste of money and only getting his mojo into gear when there is an international tournament for Brazil on the horizon. Like the Copa América, for example, which is just around the corner and coincides with a very sudden and surprising return for the Madrid player.

The forward appeared in the squad for last week’s Spurs clash and even set up Ronaldo’s goal. Kaká started Saturday’s win at Athletic in place of Mesut Özil and was given the responsibility of taking both penalties despite icy stares of death from the bench-squatting and Pichichi-chasing Ronaldo.

Roberto Soldado

LLL’s claim that the Valencia striker, deep down, isn’t much cop appears thinner than Pep Guardiola’s scalp by the day. Soldado followed up his four goals against Getafe last weekend with two more in a thriller of a performance for Valencia against Villarreal and a 5-0 stuffing.

The blog’s concern now is the physical state of Mrs Soldado with her hubby revealing in February that “when I score my body demands satisfaction afterwards”. LLL imagines there are smiles and funny walks all round.

Villarreal

The blog is going to be soft, gentle and all with the cooing and stroking with Villarreal after their 5-0 drubbing by Valencia. The combination of a make-shift defence playing very badly, some tired Europa-League focussed legs in the visitors ranks and an excellent performance from the Valencia forward line all account for a very bad day at the office indeed for the Yellow Submarine.

Atlético Madrid

A creative midfield hub of Mario Suárez and Tiago and the sulking gloom-monster, Diego Forlán, being left on the bench again gave Atleti a spring in their step on Sunday in a 3-0 win against Real Sociedad in one of the best performances LLL has seen from the Rojiblancos for some time.

The way of the world in the Spanish capital is that two defeats for Atleti heralds the end of the world at the Vicente Calderón, but a couple of victories brings about the brightest of futures. This sees AS claiming that Atlético are being lead by “a Champions League Kun Agüero” after the captain’s single strike helped move the Rojiblancos to within nine points off Villarreal in fourth. Which is still quite a long way away really.

Michael Laudrup

Mallorca, a team that La Liga Loca wisely tipped for relegation, are now arguably just another victory away from survival after picking up a point against Sevilla, on Saturday night. It’s a sturdy campaign that surely puts their Danish boss onto the blog’s much coveted manager of the year shortlist.

Levante

Despite the absence of a whole bunch of first teamers, Levante still don’t know when they are beaten and popped up with a late equaliser against Racing to give them a point. Just one defeat for Levante since the end of January, and that was in the Santiago Bernabeu. Marvelous.

Sporting

“The party carries on” claims Marca after Sporting followed their 1-0 away win against Madrid with a home victory over Osasuna by the same score-line when David Barral pounced on a mix-up between Ricardo and Lolo for the only goal of the game. Deportivo

A goalless draw is always a good day in Deportivo’s world. The 0-0 against Málaga was the club’s seventh in la Primera this season. Which is nearly a quarter of the Galician side’s games.

Bad Day

Gregorio Manzano

A frosty reception for poor Gregors as he lead his Sevilla side out against former club Mallorca in the Balearics - a charming way to greet a coach who lead a near bankrupt club into fifth last season but walked away over the summer after disputes that are still ongoing over a reported failure to pay wages and bonuses.

Gorka Iraizoz

The Athletic keeper was guilty of a foul that was so blatant and heinous on Angel Di María in the eleventh minute that the Argentine didn’t even have to attempt a dive. The winger made up for that in second half though with a double salchow to win Madrid’s second spot-kick of the game and keep up the penalty count that Marca and AS have demanding of late.

Diego Forlán

A half-hearted, training ground, ‘meh-whatever’ shot over the bar in the final minutes of the game sums up Forlán’s current rock-bottom mood these days.

Real Sociedad

La Real boss, Martin Lasarte, looked a worried manager at the weekend - as well he might, considering his Basque side only bothered playing for 15 minutes of Sunday’s 3-0 defeat at Atlético. The season-ending injury Joseba Llorente suffered back in February is now looking very costly indeed, with la Real now on a run of five straight defeats and getting sucked into the relegation battle.

“At first, we thought that it was just a question of bad luck but now we can see that we are not playing well and our confidence is lacking,” admitted Lasarte after the defeat.

Hércules, Málaga

Two home games against beatable opponents in Espanyol and Deportivo respectively but two goalless draws for the sides currently second and third from bottom of the table.

Almería

Five wins from the final seven games are probably needed by Almería to survive in la Primera. That’s not a optimistic figure as five wins is all that the bottom-of-the-table team have managed in their first 31 games.

The beard-growing, turbo-boosting weekend Primera predictions

2011-04-08T09:38:00Z

Saturday

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd)

Some big questions sprung up in regards to Kaká’s surprise squad inclusion and subsequent appearance in Tuesday’s Champions League win over Spurs. Is the Brazilian groin-crocker back in business? Are his knee-knack troubles firmly behind him? Can he play a critical role in the season’s final run-in for Real Madrid? Has he taken away that restraining order which stopped LLL from going near his wife?

But that would be overlooking the testing topic which took up some of Marca’s time on Thursday morning - why was Kaká sporting a brand new beard? The paper suggested that it was a means of putting pressure on Gillette - one of the forward’s sponsors, with whom the Brazilian is reportedly in the process of brokering a new deal. If these negotiations take as long as many have done in the past, then Kaká may look like Moses before the t’s are dotted and the r’s crossed.

But Marca then proposed another reason for the new growth - a change of appearance leading to an improvement in fortunes for poor Kaká. “The beard is another superstition that coincides with the new deal he’s negotiating,” said the paper firmly.

LLL Prediction - Home win (yes, home win)

Barcelona (1st) v Almería (20th)

If you can’t beat them, then join them. Again. That’s the attitude of maverick Almería president Alfonso García Gabarrón, who fired his second coach of the season. The first to walk was Hugo Sánchez after Almería’s 8-0 home walloping by Barcelona in November. His replacement, José Luis Oltra, has only lasted just over four months before being axed following Almería’s loss to Athletic Bilbao on Monday night.

Taking over and leading Almería to their inevitable relegation is Roberto Olabe, who was the club’s sporting director in 2006-07 - the year that the club won promotion from la Segunda under Unai Emery.

LLL Prediction - Home win (yes, home win)

Mallorca (9th) v Sevilla (6th)

Sevilla’s immediate future looked a little less bright with the news that the eternally wonderful Freddie Kanouté is set to miss the next three weeks with a muscle tear in his leg. This departure, added to Luis Fabiano doing a bunk back to Brazil a while back, leaves Alvaro Negredo as Billy No Mates up front for Sevilla. Judging by the striker’s personality, that’s no great surprise.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Sporting (13th) v Osasuna (12th)

There’s still work to be done in Sporting’s survival campaign but they certainly enjoyed a Knight Rider style turbo boost through some empty cardboard boxes with last weekend’s win in the Santiago Bernabeu, a victory that potty-mouth, Manuel Preciado, is still being asked about.

“I had red ears,” recalls the Sporting boss on his post match memories, “I got 236 messages an hour after the game.” The moustachioed marvel also showed that the hatchet was well and truly buried with José Mourinho after their early season spat. “We were all surprised when he came into the dressing room. He didn’t say anything to us, just shook our hands and that’s it.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (18th) v Espanyol (7th)

So how did the delightful Hércules president deal with the sacking of Esteban Vigo, the manager who took the team up to the top flight and masterminded an away win over Barcelona this season? By being an a-hole, that’s how. But LLL expected little different from Valentín Botella.

When reacting to an opening win under new coach, Miroslav Djukic, Botella took the time to needlessly insult his predecessor by commenting that “if we have sacked (Vigo) sooner that would have been better”.

LLL has never wanted Espanyol to win a game so much in the blog’s life. And that’s unfortunate timing considering the Pericos are hopeless at the moment.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (11th) v Levante (10th)

From relegation certainties in January, Levante are now a side just four points from Europe, although that doesn’t say a great deal about the likes of Sevilla, Espanyol and Atlético who are currently scrapping for some of the spots available above the Valencia team.

But, it would be “mad” for the third best side in la Primera in the second half of the season to think about the Europa League, scoffs midfielder Xavi Torres.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (19th) v Deportivo (16th)

Spain’s economic crisis and its football club’s having as much financial acumen as the government of Portugal has meant money has thus far been the biggest talking point in la Liga in 2011.

One of the many teams having a few economic issues is Dull Deportivo, who are still paying the debts of the Super Deportivo days. This has left the club “on the limit” of going into administration revealed club president, Augusto Lendoiro. However “it would be a shame to (go into it) to suit ourselves,” admitted the jowly big wig. “For some clubs the law is used as an excuse to stop paying bills.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid v Real Sociedad

There was an excitement and a big buzz in and around the Vicente Calderón this week. not only did José Antonio Reyes finish his first colouring book all by himself but the club received a letter from the President and First Lady of the US of A, all the way from the New World.

LLL immediately suspected it would be a firm missive warning of air strikes in support of a UN motion condemning the team’s crimes against defending. But instead it’s a lovely thank you note from Barack and Michelle in appreciation of Atlético giving two shirts given to Sasha and Malia whilst the first family were on their holidays in Spain.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia v Villarreal

Not a bad week for Spanish teams in Europe this week. Four goals for Real Madrid, five for Barcelona and a rather impressive five for Villarreal in Thursday’s Europa League win against FC Twente. “The second leg still remains, but we took a huge step forward,” admits a still cautious Villarreal coach, Juan Carlos Garrido.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Real Zaragoza v Getafe

Getafe president Angel Torres is the blog’s hero of the week. The Coliseum crusader is tired of rival teams making no attempt whatsoever to pay their debts to other clubs for transfers and going into administration whenever the going gets too tough - all without punishment from the Spanish League who stand idly by like Luis Perea facing an attacker.

Torres has been musing over the idea of calling for the administrative relegation of Monday’s opponents, Zaragoza, over a failure to pay an installment for the transfer of forward, Ikechukwu Uche, in 2009. The Getafe president claims that he sent 10 missed calls to his Zaragoza counterpart, Agapito Iglesias, in one day asking for the cash needed to pay Getafe’s own bills.

“I’m tired that la Liga is being ruined by clubs who don’t pay their debts,” complained Torres. “This is fraud in every aspect of the law.” Zaragoza’s response was to assure in a soothing but wholly unconvincing manner that they would try to reach an agreement with Getafe. That probably doesn’t involve money.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Spurs' troubles don't concern Madridista press as Real eye Clásico semi

2011-04-06T13:44:00Z

Tuesday certainly started well enough for Spurs fans, who made this week’s Champions League trip to the Spanish capital.

The first gaggle stumbled into Madrid’s Plaza Mayor just shy of 10.30 in the morning and settled down for a drinkie or two in the shade at a terrace table. Soon, they were joined by thousands. Perhaps millions...

When the hideously overpriced cafés and bars of Madrid’s main square were drunk dry - by about midday - the Tottenham hordes hauled cases of beer into the square and kicked off a very Spanish tradition. The ‘botellón’ is the smelly chaos that occurs when a whole bunch of (usually young) people with neither the resources nor desire to drink in a bar bring their own booze to a spot in the town centre and spend much of the night screeching out their own versions of already awful pop songs and peeing willy nilly. Along with the vomit. Oh, the vomit.

Normally, the police move in to kick the botellón participants out, but on Tuesday the Madrid plod seemed relatively happy to have the thousands of Spurs fans in one place knowing that most would be dead through heatstroke and dehydration by five.

Some twelve hours on from those first c**k-er-nee visitors kicking off the day with their late morning beer, the mood was considerably less cheery among the Tottenham posse, with Spurs having endured a disastrous evening at the Santiago Bernabeu, starting with Aaron Lennon’s reported tunnel-based tummy trouble, Emmanuel Adebayor's early goal and Peter Crouch’s 15th minute sending off.

Leader of the long faces was Harry Redknapp. At Monday’s pre-match press conference, ‘appy ‘Arry couldn’t have been chirpier. When asked what result he would accept, the Spurs boss replied: “it’s only a good night if they played well, otherwise it’s not a good night.”

A day later, Redknapp’s big glum face gave an indication of his shell-shocked state of mind after a four-zero thumping that left his side without the merest glimmer of hope of a comeback at White Hart Lane in a week’s time.

But Tottenham’s problems were of no consequence to the Madrid press, who are now spared having to drum up a “we can do it!” campaign for the second leg. “An easy thrashing for Madrid against a poor Tottenham,” scoffed Marca who had little sympathy with Spurs’s self-imposed problems.

Despite the London club not being one of the established big guns of English football, a genuine, fiery Premier League-style contest was expected in the Bernabeu - but it was not to be, with Santiago Segurola in the paper’s match report noting the “lamentable emotional state of Tottenham”

AS are most excited indeed squealing on Wednesday’s front cover that “La Décima is in sight” - Madrid’s very longstanding dream of a tenth European Cup title.

This may not be premature hyperbole if Pep Guardiola’s gloomy predictions about his side’s own quarter-final first leg clash against Shakhtar Donetsk are any indication. Aside from the pessimistic one held by Johan Cruyff, the view in Spain is that while the Ukrainian outfit will be tough opponents, the general assumption is that Barça will get through one way or another to set up a semi-final date with Madrid.

Not so, says the Dream Boys boss, who fretted in the press conference that “for the first time in the Champions League I don’t have a good feeling.” The odd snigger that LLL has heard suggests Pep is being a little hysterical ahead of the game, but the blog suspects that this message being broadcast that Shakhtar are "a great team, a super team,” is more for the ears of the players, press but most importantly of all the fans.

Catalan daily, Sport, have jumped on board the bandwagon with the front cover reminding culés that “Ladies and Gentleman, these are the quarter finals!” and to put down their bocadillos for the game and give the players a clap. “We must take care not to disrespect a rival that can cause a serious upset if you don’t play with all five senses.”

Mundo Deportivo’s message is a simple one - for simple writers and simple readers perhaps. The front page is filled by the word ‘Goals’ and little Leo Messi’s face, referring to the difficulty Barcelona have had scoring them of late, by their admittedly lofty standards - just nine in Barça’s last six games.

But despite Pep’s butterfly tummy, Barcelona should go through against Shakhtar and set up a three week mad-zone of four Clásicos, leading to footballing chaos reigning in Spain and possibly the end of the world as we know it.

Moody Mourinho looks to cure Madrid's premature ejection by beating Spurs

2011-04-05T10:13:00Z

José Mourinho is looking mean and moody on the front cover of Monday’s edition of AS. Then again, the Madrid manager is always looking mean and moody. But in this particular photograph it looks as if Mourinho had spent the past two months living next door to The Libertines in their drug-addled pomp and is about to blast the band’s front door down with a shotgun.

Scowling, unshaven and with his arms crossed, Mourinho is being backed up on the photograph by Xabi Alonso and Alvaro Arbeloa, two former Scousers who also with arms crossed, looking stern. It’s only Ricardo Carvalho who lets the Real Madrid side down, looking sheepish to the right of the frame with a spooky grin like a pre mind-enhanced Lawnmower man.

“Don’t leave us on our own!” cries the banner in AS, in yet another attempt to get the Bernabeu to make some noise - Grooverider whistle posse and all - in the Champions League. The same approach from the marketing department was attempted before the last sixteen clash with Lyon and it seemed to work, so the club is going for it again for Tottenham’s visit.

‘Tis true that the Bernabeu can be a tough crowd for the home side in the best of times, but there is extra pressure now, due to the club’s premature ejection from the title race with the defeat against Sporting on Saturday evening.

Although the power of Florentino Pérez sees Mourinho protected from the kind of treatment dished out to Manuel Pellegrini when he failed in the Copa del Rey and Champions League last season - two crimes the Chilean is still being punished for - The Special One is very much expected to get past a beatable team like Spurs to reach the semi-finals and face Barcelona.

Yet during Monday’s press conference Mourinho claims it was Spurs who would be under the most pressure in the quarter-final clash, as Madrid have already won the title nine times compared to Tottenham’s zero.

The two times Champions League winner appears to have already moved on from Saturday’s disappointment in la Liga and reminded everyone present that it was this competition that “was the most important tournament in the world for clubs”. “How many times have you played a quarter-final?” asked Mourinho to his side-kick for the afternoon, Gonzalo Higuaín. “None” was the sheepish reply from the Argentinean who made his return to football at the weekend after five months out with a back injury.

While Mourinho was his usual tense, snappy self, Harry Redknapp couldn’t have been happier as he had his usual jolly jape with the press at the Santiago Bernabeu three hours later.

When asked about how his counterpart would react to Saturday’s loss against Sporting and the end of his 150 match unbeaten home league run, the Spurs boss couldn’t contain his glee at the notion. “He knows how the rest of us feel sometimes on Saturday night,” chuckled Redknapp, “let’s hope it’s a bad week for him.”

And the Madrid manager’s hints earlier in the day that Ronaldo won’t be fit for Tuesday night despite being in squad held no salmon for the Spurs man. “I’d be happy if he wasn’t playing, but I know he’s playing.”

The difference in the aura given off by the two managers the day before the game couldn’t have been more vast. Mourinho was closed, tense and defensive. Redknapp was relaxed, open, and more than a little dazzling with only the pressure of “playing well” the following evening on his mind.

The sentiments of their coaches could well be matched by the approaches of their sides in the quarter-final tie.

Good Day, Bad Day: Conspiracies and understated celebrations

2011-04-04T13:22:00Z

Hold onto your hats - it's Tim Stannard's whistle-stop round-up of the weekend's action from Spain...

Good Day

Pep Guardiola

Though the coach will have to repeat the “league is not won yet, the league is not won yet” mantra pretty much every minute of every day for the next two months, Pep and the Dream Boys know that the title was moreorless sewn up, thanks to Saturday's double delight of a defeat for Madrid and a win for Barça at Villarreal in a match where a draw probably would have been a fair result.

“Barça don’t fail at key moments,” wrote Josep María Casanovas in Sport. And the columnist was right. This season Barça have beaten Villarreal at home and away, and inflicted the same on Valencia. And there was, of course, the 5-0 victory over Madrid in the Camp Nou. Just one more win in the Bernabeu in a fortnight’s time will pretty much seal the deal.

Víctor Valdés

Three great saves against Villarreal have left the Catalan press calling for Mad Víctor to take Iker Casillas’s place in Spain’s starting XI.

Roberto Soldado

A tough day for the Valencia striker, who scored four at the ground of his former club, Getafe. On the pitch, it was an easy business for the footballer but what made life difficult for Soldado was having to do the ‘hey, I’ve scored but I’m going to do a very understated, it really hurt my heart to do so’ celebration on four separate occasions.

By the end of the game, the forward had the same an expression as a vet who had just put Míchel the Manager’s favourite puppy to sleep.

Sevilla

The Andalusians' steady but sneaky climb up the table continued thanks to a 3-1 win over Zaragoza that saw Gregorio Manzano’s men move into fifth, nine points behind Villarreal.

Diego Costa

The Atleti striker has spent much of the season looking a tad too chunky, diving and not scoring goals. But Costa doubled his league tally for the campaign with a hat-trick that gave the Rojiblancos a very unexpected - by this blog, at least - 3-2 win at Osasuna and moved Atlético to within a point of the European places.

A line-up which was without the suspended Kun Agüero and had Diego Forlán’s booty parked on the bench didn’t promise that much for the visitors - especially as Raúl García was playing too - but it paid off for Atleti with Costa’s first hat-trick for the club.

“No-one really has any clue about football,” sighed Iñako Díaz-Guerra on a sentiment very much shared by La Liga Loca.

Levante

Who needs Felipe Caicedo? Certainly not Levante when they have Uruguayan genius, Stuani, in their ranks to replace the club’s injured goalscoring talisman. Stuani popped up with two to defeat Málaga 3-1 and give Levante their seventh win in ten making the club from Valencia the third best in la Primera in the second half of the season. And suddenly now only four points from the European places too! Woot woot!

Sporting

A team who were supposed to have given up in a game against Barcelona in October - according to José Mourinho, anyway - have done rather well against the Big Two this season, having taken four points from their four games against Barça and Madrid, conceding just three goals.

Sporting drew with Barcelona in El Molinón but topped that performance with a 1-0 win over Madrid in the Bernabeu - making them the first away team to have won there in nearly a year and the first side to stick one up Mourinho on his own patch in the league in 150 matches.

LLL is still not entirely sure how they managed it, but Madrid had been living dangerously at home in a number of encounters this season - such as Hércules, Mallorca, Valencia and Sevilla - with flat performances where a goal was expected by the home team rather than sought. Sporting took advantage on a night when the gods that usually watch over Real Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu were presumably stuck in traffic.

Deportivo

A 2-1 win over Mallorca for Deportivo, but the blog finds it physically impossible to write anything nice about them. Even when they win. And score actual goals.

Royston Drenthe

The naughty Dutchman was sent home from training during the week by new Hércules coach, Miroslav Djukic, but found his way back into the Hércules good books by scoring three in Sunday’s 3-1 away win at Real Sociedad. However, it was Javier Portillo who caused the real shock of the day by a) scoring and b) scoring an away goal for Hércules, the team’s first in 1,113 minutes.

Bad Day

Real Madrid

The boxing ring of la Primera currently has more towels lying around than a 15 girl flat-share. Both Marca and AS have given up the title race with Marca’s front page on Sunday sobbing, “goodbye league, goodbye record”. The editorial in the following day’s edition is already in ‘move on’ mode with Marca penning an ode to the professionalism of Cristiano Ronaldo for his supposed insistence on playing Tuesday’s game against Spurs despite a leg injury.

AS are getting over a defeat that has left Barcelona eight points clear at the top of the table by blaming their longstanding conspiracy called ‘Villarato’ - named after the FA president, Angel Villar - a gentleman who apparently runs a campaign that orders referees to favour Barça over Madrid. And a gentleman who should probably sue, thinks La Liga Loca.

The paper’s latest grumble is that Gerard Piqué’s winning goal for Barça was handball and that Madrid should have had a number of penalties against Sporting - making it nine owed to Madrid in 2011 - but the referees all have it in for the club, apparently.

“There no doping (at Barcelona) but there’s Villarato...Barça won’t win the league because of this, but it has widened the gap.” LLL senses that AS feel that if you can’t beat ‘em, then whine.

Espanyol

Oh dear. Yet another defeat for Espanyol - a home loss to Racing - sees that side coming dangerous close to slipping out of the European places. Paul from Barcelona was there to see it happen. And he’s not happy at all...

“Still not quite sure how Espanyol lost that. I remember in the 80s when there was a campaign to “kick the professional foul out of football”. Then in the 90s we saw the “tactical foul”. Well, welcome to the Brazil 1970 of tactical, niggling and professional fouls - Racing Santander.

"How they only got three yellows is beyond me. Don’t know what the record for number of fouls committed in a match is but Racing smashed that. Pedro Munitis alone should be contacted by Norris McWhirter in the morning for “managing to avoid a booking despite committing over 50 fouls”. A new record. (LLL - that might be a bit of a shock for Pedro as Norris departed this world in 2004).

"An Osvaldo penalty - a deliberate handball in the area is a red card, is it not? - gave Espanyol the lead at HT. Then two borderline offside goals, both from corners gave Racing three points they didn’t deserve. The next time Barça fans moan about “anti-football” because a team has out-thought them tactically then wait till Racing come to town and then you will really have something to moan about for once.

Paul, Barcelona"

Real Sociedad

Still six points from the drop zone but there is danger afoot for la Real who have lost five out of the club’s last six games.

Getafe

Míchel the manager - or ‘soon to be ex-manager’ - at Getafe is certainly on the ball. After Saturday’s 2-4 home defeat to Valencia, Míchel admitted that the club’s situation “is beginning to get dangerous”. That’s a fine spot indeed, given Getafe have managed just one win in the past 14 league games.

The club’s problems are a defence that is making far too many silly mistakes and a complete lack of goals up front from Javier Arizmendi and co. It’s only Manu del Moral who has bagged five of Getafe’s last six goals that is keeping the side’s end up, as it were.

The goodwill-lacking, fight-stopping weekend Primera Predictions

2011-04-01T10:34:00Z

Saturday

Real Madrid (2nd) v Sporting (15th)

Two things were working against Real Madrid's supposedly cunning plan to play this match on Friday in order to get extra napsies ahead of Tuesday’s visit of Spurs - not that the league said any formal request had come through, mind - the game not being confirmed until Wednesday and a probable lack of goodwill from nasty old Sporting.

In a lesson that everything eventually returns to bite you on the backside one day, there is no little tension between the managers of these two clubs after José Mourinho suggested Sporting weren’t trying in a 1-0 defeat to Barcelona at the Camp Nou earlier this season. Unfortunately there was no response from his counterpart Manuel Preciado after Madrid’s slightly less impressive 5-0 botty-smacking submission on the same ground.

The Sporting boss had originally responded to Mourinho's claims by calling the Madrid manager a scumbag and suggesting he should be sent to the stands to sit among the rowdy locals for their clash in Gijón in November. Tempers flared after Madrid’s 1-0 victory, with accusations of childish finger gesturing and bottle throwing meaning that had a request from Mordor come through for a fixture rejig, it may have been a very terse reply back. With some added swear words if the potty-mouthed Preciado was delivering it himself.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (13th) v Valencia (4th)

With Miguel Brito having only just returned to training after a spell on the naughty step for yet more practice-dodging, disco-dancing hijinks, it was the turn of Vicente to receive a slap on the wrist and a reported €6,000 fine from Unai Emery, this time for a night-spot altercation.

The permanently-crocked winger was leaving a club in the early hours of Saturday morning when it was suggested by a fellow disco patron that he was not much cop as a player these days. A friend of Vicente reportedly weighed in on his behalf and unleashed fists of fury, although the Valencia man has claimed that his only role in the kerfuffle was attempting to stop the scrap. To Vicente’s credit, he managed to be on time for training some five hours later, something that Miguel rarely manages after a big night out.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (3rd) v Barcelona (1st)

You know when the Madridista press starts moralising and finger-wagging about the behaviour of representatives of other sides - considering what José Mourinho gets up to on a regular basis - that a few chuckles are to be had.

This is what is happening on Friday with both Marca and AS up in arms over Barcelona president, Sandro Rosell, predicting that Pep’s Dream Boys would beat Madrid 5-0 in the cup final “to keep up the habit”.

“Humiliating” was the wounded response from AS at such meanie-head comments from Barça’s big wig. “If someone knows how to get something out of a game in these situations, it’s Mourinho who will paper the dressing room with these words that don’t seem appropriate for a president who has been so prudent up to now”.

If LLL’s timing is correct then Mourinho is about one hour away from speaking in Friday’s pre-Sporting press conference when he will no doubt come out with his own inappropriate response to these inappropriate comments...

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Real Sociedad (12th) v Hércules (20th)

Rather a lot has happened in the world of Hércules in the past couple of weeks. The club sacked Esteban Vigo, the manager who took them up and was charged with keeping the Alicante side in the top-flight with players who went unpaid, no permanent training facilities and without winter transfer reinforcements.

After an awful lot coaches were linked with the role, Hércules plumped for former Deportivo and Valencia player Miroslav Djukic on a nine match contract, although he has not yet been given a license to sit on the bench due to Hércules’ debts with former players.

The Serbian’s first trick to keep his new side up has been the usual routine of extra training sessions, harsher discipline and sending Royston Drenthe home on Tuesday after the Dutchman turned up to practice 20 minutes late. “Out of the seven sessions I’ve had here,” complained the former Serbia U-21 boss, “Drenthe has been late for four”.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (5th) v Racing Santander (14th)

Despite stories of players remaining unpaid at Racing from the former regime and broken promises over when the debts will be paid, the club’s colourful new owner, Ali Syed, has kept a very low profile indeed over the past few weeks. Ever since the publication of stories in Spain concerning allegations of fraud against him. Funny that.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (10th) v Málaga (18th)

A couple of months ago Levante’s survival hopes were as slim as a rump steak's in Maniche’s fridge - but that was before a five man defence, frenzied midfield and the goals of Felipe Caicedo dragged the Valencia club into mid-table and left them probably needing just two more victories from their last nine games.

The slight hitch this weekend is that Caicedo is out of action with the on-loan Manchester City man having injured himself in the victory against Deportivo with a muscle tear. This is why the club have sent the forward to a clinic for oxygen therapy - probably costing the last few pennies Levante had to pay the gas bill till the end of the season - in a bid to get Caicedo back in time for Sunday’s visit of Málaga, a fine chance to pick up one of those much-needed wins.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (16th) v Mallorca (9th)

You think the small matter of boring the world to tears with goalless draws and eight man defences, not to mention relegation is going to bother Deportivo boss, Miguel Angel Lotina? You do? Well, think again, amigo, as you’re wrong, wrong wrong.

That’s because Lotina is “a manager who is like a sponge, he learns from tough situations,” according to his coach who also doubles as a psychotherapist, Joaquín Dosil. LLL would suggest that he has certainly learned a lot this season, then.

LLL Prediction - Draw (of the goalless variety)

Sevilla (7th) v Zaragoza (17th)

Joaquín Caparrós is still the name being touted to take over from Gregorio Manzano at the end of the season, despite a revival from Sevilla that sees the Andalusian side with just one defeat in six and about to pounce on the failing and flailing Espanyol just one point above them. However, club president, José María Del Nido, is keeping mum and seeing where Sevilla end up in May. “Until the league is over, we’re not going to say anything,” claimed the top Señor of the Sánchez Pizjuán.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (11th) v Atlético Madrid (8th)

Need a Friday giggle to help kick off the weekend? Then how about the comments from Atleti captain, Antonio López, who claims that his infamously flimsy club's visit to a side who have only been beaten once at home in the league this season is a match where “we have to show the effort and spirit Atlético Madrid has always had out on the field. We have to go for the three points. We can’t fail.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Almería (19th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

Scheduling Almería against Athletic Bilbao on a Monday night at the same time as the season-opening, Stockholm-based hate-fest that is Djurgården against AIK? What was the LFP thinking? Only one game to be watching on Monday night. And it isn’t in Spain.

LLL Prediction - Home win

“Hay Liga!” as Spain’s stoppage is called off

2011-03-30T12:18:00Z

“Hay Liga!” “The league is on!” cried the hat-throwing, joyous press in the Spanish capital on Wednesday morning. Normally that clarion call is reserved for when Real Madrid get to within 20 points of Barcelona at the top of the table, but this time it was meant in its most literal sense - there will be football this weekend after all.

When the Spanish League (LFP) called a 'postponement’ on this weekend’s round of games - shoving the back end of la Primera's timetable into June in the process - it seems that those behind this batty scheme aimed at forcing the government into making every game pay-per-view failed to consider three basic questions: Do the fans support the move? Do all the clubs in the league support the move? Is it legal?

The answer to all three of these conundrums was a big fat 'no'. The response from supporters of all clubs on message boards and on the Twitter-sphere has been one of annoyance (mixed with tired resignation at the idiots running their sport), considering plans were being messed up by forcing the final round of la Primera to take place three weeks after the second to last one, not to mention shifting the Clásico to Easter when many potential ticket holders would be heading to the coasts for some holidays.

Whilst the Big Boys remained quiet on the affair, Real Sociedad, Athletic Bilbao, Zaragoza, Espanyol, Sevilla and Villarreal were less reticent and challenged the LFP’s decision in the courts on Tuesday. A day later judge Purificación Pujol Capilla rejected the legality of the stoppage, forcing the LFP to surrender and allow this weekend’s games to resume as normal.

“Football only sells passion, if we kill people’s passion then we’re going to kill football,” said Villarreal Delegate Councillor, José Manuel Llaneza, after the decree was made.

The LFP have now published the fixture list for the weekend giving clubs and fans a whole three to four days to make their necessary plans for the next round of matches, but LLL imagines that the organisation will be falling into an enormous sulk at what has been an abject failure on their part.

The LFP’s VP, José María Cruz, already handed in his resignation on Tuesday night, and LLL would like to see everyone else there falling on their swords too. The problem is, with their utter incompetency, they’d all probably miss...

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