La Liga Loca

Politics, toilets and Coldplay hinder preparations for Copa del Rey final

Tim Stannard — Thu, 24 May 2012 08:58:00 GMT

The Spanish FA must wonder why they even bother with the Copa del Rey, as each time the final is played, there seems to be some kind of chronically awful kerfuffle in the match’s organisation.

This is especially so this year, with the process of arranging the final beginning really badly, getting even worse and then descending into abstract silliness, with a slanging match across four corners of Spain over what constitutes freedom of expression.

The stumbling, bumbling FA got themselves into their first pickle with what should have been the simple task of organising when and where the final was going to take place. It proved to be a bit of an ordeal, with it being impossible to find a date in the normal season due to Barcelona’s participation in the Champions League semis, Athletic Bilbao’s Europa League adventure and what had been a spare midweek being used to reschedule the first round of la Liga which was postponed due to a players’ strike.

Once a date had been set for the match two weeks after the end of the regular season, the problem was then finding a venue. The logical choice was the Santiago Bernabeu, as Real Madrid had long been knocked out and the 82,000 capacity stadium would be more than handy. Unfortunately, the venue was to be out of action on the date of the final due to important repair works to seats and toilets. It’s an excuse poo-pooed in both Barcelona and Bilbao, where the suggestion is that the snub was down to Madrid not wanting their stadium to be used for a farewell party for Pep or a big Basque celebration. Yet exciting snaps published in AS this week show bogs being carried into the Bernabeu, which would appear to confirm Real Madrid’s story.

The Vicente Calderón was eventually given the honour of hosting Friday night’s event, but only after a brand new pitch was laid this week after the previous one was churned up during a Coldplay gig last week. The work was completed on Tuesday, meaning the 'bedding in' period for the new playing surface will be just three days. Fortunately, its only a bunch of Barcelona and Athletic Bilbao players risking the ankles on the turf, so no impact whatsoever to Spain’s European Championship chances should any injuries take place.

Chris Martin: ruining Spanish football since some time last week

Technically the likes of Andrés Iniesta and Fernando Llorente shouldn’t have even be there, as Saturday sees Spain's first warm-up game against Serbia, which takes place in Austria - another absolute howler from the Spanish FA in the national side’s preparations for a tournament they are trying to defend.

As if all this wasn’t bad enough, Spanish nationalist politics and freedom of expression were thrown into the mix when the not exactly media-shy head of the Community of Madrid, Esperanza Aguirre, said that if the national anthem were to be booed ahead of the Copa del Rey final, the game should be stopped immediately, rescheduled and then played behind closed doors. Aguirre was referring to an incident in a final between the same two teams in Mestalla three years ago, when groups of supporters of both clubs booed the Spanish anthem.

However, the Madrid head has only ensured that even more supporters than before are going to join in a heck of a din, not that a discussion on the monarchy and Spain was Aguirre’s intention. “The problem is that we have such mediocre, such populist, such unprofessional politicians that use the media platform for cheap demagoguery,” ranted the ever-reliable Sport columnist Luis Mascaró, who also notes quite rightly that “in a society riven by speculation, corruption and economic crisis, politicians should be dedicating themselves to what’s really important.”

Aguirre’s words caused terse responses from all over Spain, especially in the Basque Country and Catalonia where they are never going to turn down the chance for a squabble. Even Barcelona president Sandro Rosell got involved, expressing a desire that “all Culés can freely express their feelings at the final.”

All this, combined with the fact the final is taking place when people are forgetting the Primera campaign and taking a breather ahead of the Euros, sees a bit of a strangely subdued atmosphere ahead of a game that will need to be a corker if the season isn't going to end with something of a damp squib.

Mourinho sticks with Madrid, but are Málaga losing a manager?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 23 May 2012 14:38:00 GMT

La Liga Loca is today sticking its grubby little hand in the air to admit it doesn’t actually have a clue what it’s talking about. Perhaps not the most shocking news you'll hear today.

LLL began the season predicting Barcelona would be league champions, Sevilla would come fourth, Atlético Madrid would crash and burn and that José Mourinho would have had enough of the mayhem to be found in Mordor and move away from Madrid in May.

The latter was a most spectacular failure at tea-leaf reading. Despite cryptic, non-committal shrugs and sighs over the past few months when asked about his future, and a fair number of Premier League pundits predicting a return to England, José Mourinho has extended his contract with Real Madrid by two years to 2016, such is his happiness with life at the Santiago Bernabeu (and delight in pretty much now controlling every single aspect of the club). And the possibility that Barcelona are a big, busted flush, of course.

“I’ve begun to know this club better with all its great qualities and also its little problems that all institutions and people have,” chirped Mourinho, who is set for another four seasons of getting Aitor Karanka to read stuff for him at press conferences.

And, let’s face it, it’s tremendously good news for Real Madrid, as Mourinho’s departure from Madrid would have left club president Florentino Perez looking around for the fifth or sixth to replace him. Or even a manager from the lower 10,000’s such as Míchel.

There’s less stability and solidity to be found at Málaga, a side that may well be a rival to Real Madrid in years to come, should the southerners splurge about €2 billion on players. It seems the club’s General Manager Fernando Hierro will be walking away after just a season, having reportedly disagreed with the way the institution is run economically.

The past year has seen stories of transfer installments being missed, players being paid late and now employees still waiting for their April salaries. Hierro is expected to be talking to the press over what is happening next Monday, with time to kiss and make up with his billionaire bosses in between.

Despite pronouncements from Sevilla president, José María del Nido, that the club would not be signing ‘names’ any more but ‘men’ - in sounded catchier in Spanish, to be fair - the club are set to spend over €3 million on a footballer who fits both bills, Villarreal’s Diego López. The goalkeeper is set to be the first player to abandon the sinking submarine after relegation, shortly followed by Borja Valero the blog suspects.

But the least surprising news of the week - aside from that whole Mourinho business that LLL would like to move away from as soon as possible - is that David Villa will be missing out on the European Championships. This ends a furious debate over whether Roberto Soldado or Fernando Torres should be picked for Euro 2012, with both players now likely to get a spot on the bench in Vicente Del Bosque’s final, final, final squad.

Barcelona suffering a less than smooth succession

Tim Stannard — Tue, 22 May 2012 12:04:00 GMT

If there’s one thing La Liga Loca turns its oversized nose up at, it’s gossip, tittle-tattle and unsubstantiated rumours.

Actually, the blog is lying right through its belly button here. LLL loves all three and has a sworn duty to regale readers of such stories when they appear on the Spanish street. So, LLL is going to do its duty and report what is currently being bandied about in bars in relation to Barcelona, even though most may well be a whole lot of baloney.

The last time LLL left the Catalan camp, the club was apparently undergoing a smooth passage into its post-Pep world by appointing club No.2 Tito Vilanova as the new main man, with his predecessor’s blessing. Well, a story in El Mundo last week reported that Guardiola apparently had no idea about the plan to pick Vilanova, wanted someone else entirely and was only informed of the move on the morning he held his press conference announcing his departure.

The story goes that he asked Sandro Rosell to hold off on the announcement until he could speak to his friend. Instead, the new appointment was confirmed soon after Pep’s future was revealed. The article also gives further details on an apparently acrimonious relationship between club president and Pep in the final weeks of the current manager’s tenure.

At this point it’s worth mentioning that Barcelona have said this is all hogwash and nonsense and are looking at taking legal action against El Mundo for the story. But it isn’t a massive secret that the relationship between Guardiola and Rosell has never been as warm and fuzzy as the one shared by the now ex-Barça boss and Joan Laporta, who Rosell replaced after the 2010 elections. This coldness certainly hasn’t been helped by Barcelona’s current regime taking Laporta and his former board to court over alleged losses made during his tenure at the club, as well as banishing Johan Cruyff from the scene.

Poking his nose into what is turning out to be a stormy transition from Pep to Tito is the shy-and-retiring Laporta himself, a figure who had been off doing local political things, but who hasn’t ruled out returning to the Barcelona scene, claiming that Rosell has ruined all his good work over the past two years. “Perhaps I should start planning,” mused Laporta at the beginning of the month on running for president again.

The former president’s gripe is that Rosell has not taken care of the relationship with the Spanish FA, which has led to the lack of penalties going Barcelona’s way, apparently, while he has also suggested that the appointment of Tito Vilanova was “a panic decision” so as not to “receive the full social impact of not having done more to keep Guardiola.”

Naturally, Laporta is hardly a disinterested party in the whole affair, and nor is the likes of el Mundo, with even supposedly proper papers in Spain having political reasons for being pro or anti certain clubs and presidents, far from the world of sport.

This story has overshadowed Barcelona’s preparations for Friday’s Copa del Rey final, with the relationship between Pep and Tito being the first topic for players when probed by the media.

“It hurts as in the dressing room we knew the relationship is good,” said Cesc Fabregas, another member of the team trying to deflect what is being perceived as false negative attention and a deliberate distraction ahead of Pep’s farewell at the Vicente Calderón.

Life as a La Liga manager: LLL speaks to Getafe's Luis García

Tim Stannard — Mon, 21 May 2012 15:06:00 GMT

Luis García is a football manager who seems to love his job. Win, lose or draw, the cheerful 39-year-old always seems to have a smile on his face, and as well the young coach might as the Getafe boss has had a tremendously successful four-year spell.

It began by leading Levante out of the second division after near bankruptcy, followed by an incredible battle for survival in la Primera last season before a move to Getafe, where he lead his new team to a solid 11th place finish.

La Liga Loca caught up with one of the hottest managerial properties in la Liga to assess the season just gone for his club, the general state of the game in Spain, and his country’s chances in the European Championships.

García without a smile on his face, just to disprove Tim's theory...

So how are you feeling now the season is over?
Mentally, the season demands a lot of you. You’re managing the pressure and are very focussed, so I’m finishing the year quite tired and ready for the holidays, but after just a week away from football I know I’ll be desperate to get back to training again.

It was a very different end to the season for you, with far less pressure in the dying weeks than last year with Levante, did you miss it?
We had chances to get into Europe but that ended with a defeat against Mallorca. Then we drew against Athletic Bilbao and had a final game against Zaragoza that was very strange. Last year, Levante were under pressure right up to the second-to-last round, but we got a tough point against Valencia so it’s different to this year with Getafe. But that’s good as it means we achieved our objectives. We weren’t under pressure, but it’s a shame we couldn’t push on for more, however, we didn’t have any problems.

Tell us about last season with Levante and that incredible late run that saw the team stay up...
Last season was a great one but it’s all been over a four year process. It was fantastic for the fans who had really been having a tough time. It was a moment for everyone to enjoy and you have to appreciate them as there are always bad times. Just look at Villarreal, who began the year in the Champions League and ended it being relegated. Football is either about good times or bad, so you have to celebrate the positive moments. Levante have had four years of success with stabilisation, promotion from the second division, staying up and then this year’s campaign. These are some magical times so you have to congratulate them and hope they can repeat the success next year.

Motivation is important in football, so do you have a difficult job at Getafe, a team that’s usually too good to go down, but not good enough for the European places?
It’s a club whose natural position is between eight and twelve and that’s where we are now. We can’t be compared with Málaga, Athletic Bilbao, Sevilla and Valencia. It’s impossible to compete with them. Then again we also can’t be compared with Racing or Sporting as we have a bigger budget. It’s not easy, we began the season badly so in the end we lacked the points to fight for anything more. The motivation is the need to improve and finish as high up the table as possible.

Could a lack of motivation in some teams be another reason for the huge gap at the top of the table to the other 18 teams?
No. If the players at Valencia think that they are not going to win the league it’s because they know they are not going to win the league. Before when Valencia did win it, it was with around 70 points, and now Real Madrid have won it with 100 points which is something incredible. But in the group of teams in the level below Madrid and Barça, two were in the Europa League final, so these are two very good sides. But the other two are the best in the world. Anyone can win a knock-out match whether it be Getafe, Chelsea, Bayern Munich or Valencia. But no one else can win the regular league in Spain. After 38 games, it will be Real Madrid or Barcelona.

García lead Getafe to a win over Barcelona in November

How does la Liga compare to the Premier League?
The English league is a lot more balanced, Manchester City have won now. Did I see the last day? Yes, and this is what makes football great. But you have other teams like Manchester United and Chelsea, but here it’s only two teams who can win. Madrid and Barcelona always looking for more signings and to improve. You have two teams, then a group of five or six and then the rest. I think Getafe can be one of the best of this final group. But it’s much easier for Getafe to fight to be in this group of five than for a team in the group of five to be in the group of two.

Do you think there’s ‘Fair Play’ off the field in la Liga, with some clubs obeying financial rules and others ignoring them and not paying taxes or their players?
You can have a situation where the president of Getafe says “if we don’t sell this player than you don’t get paid”, so everything has to be improved in regards to how and when clubs can sign and there needs to be more punishment for those who don’t pay their way and meet their obligations. Imagine if you had a president who says 'we won’t sell anyone, we’ll bring in eight players which cost this much money and then they don’t pay for them'. It can’t be this way. Things need to be taken much more seriously. But I can’t give any solutions, it needs to be the club presidents and the League. They need to get together and demand that everything is taken more seriously. It’s logical that teams who do everything right can’t compete with those who don’t make their payments.

With the season now over, were there any players away from Real Madrid and Barcelona that caught your eye and ones to look out for?
There were a lot. At Athletic Bilbao you have Muniain, Javi Martínez, and Llorente. You’ve got Adrían at Atlético Madrid, really good young players. The level of the players in la Liga is one of the best in the world, the average away from Real Madrid and Barcelona is excellent.

Looking at Euro 2012, how can it be that Spain’s first warm-up game comes a day after the Copa del Rey final?
This is tough for everyone. In England you know when you are going to play your games way in advance, but not in Spain. Sometimes the first question is ‘when are we playing? Saturday, Sunday or Monday?’ it’s a bit in the air. But it was quite difficult as Madrid and Barcelona were in the Champions League semis so it was hard to find a date before that final for the Copa del Rey match, but this has been a problem for years and it’s hard to resolve.

Spain doesn’t look in good shape ahead of the Euros, with doubts over the fitness of Puyol and Villa and the form of Piqué. Are they still favourites?
Yes, Spain are favourites but that doesn’t mean that they are going to win as the tournament is such a short one. As well as playing well, luck needs to be with you as well. When Spain won the last European Championships, they won a match on penalties. In the World Cup final against Holland there was a one-on-one with Iker Casillas and Arjen Robben. You need to be the best and have those moments go your way. If Spain were to take part in a league with 38 games they would be champions, but in such a short tournament they can be knocked out by anyone.

What are your personal plans for the future?
A football manager can’t have plans. I’d like to complete the two years I have left of my contract here. I began in the Segunda B, then I moved to Levante then it was Getafe. Everyone is happy at the moment but they can sack me in six months time. You never know what is going to happen, you live from day to day.

Big decisions due for Vicente del Bosque

Tim Stannard — Fri, 18 May 2012 10:23:00 GMT

If Roy Hodgson thought his lot was a bad one – having to deal with a nasty tabloid press out to get him before a single England match, not to mention needing to pick Stewart Downing – it’s small beer, chips and sausages compared what Vicente del Bosque is having to put up with.

True, the Spain manager can enjoy the wholehearted backing of everyone in the country, what with having won the World Cup, and can also choose from some of the best players on the planet, a considerably happier situation that confronts his English counterpart.

However, due to the lack of planning skills of the Spanish FA, Del Bosque can't choose his final squad for the Euros until about 20 minutes before the first match kicks off. With the Copa del Rey taking place a day before Spain's first warm-up game, Del Bosque will be unable to train or select any Barcelona or Athletic Bilbao players – a not inconsiderable chunk of the squad’s make-up.

This has meant that Del Bosque has had to pick a provisional provisional squad – perhaps the only explanation as to why Atlético Madrid players feature for the first time under the moustachioed man’s tenure. “I’m not about clubs, I’m about players,” noted Del Bosque in an interview in Friday’s Marca, saying that there hadn't previously been any Rojiblancos good enough.

As LLL checks earlier blog entries in case hat-eating is required, Atlético full-back Juanfran has been called into the team – presumably to be rejected at a suitable subsequent moment – along with Adrían and Álvaro Domínguez. Also called up is Beñat of Betis.

However, Del Bosque is still his normal uncomplaining self, despite probably missing Carles Puyol, dealing with an out-of-form Gerard Piqué and sweating on a hobbling David Villa. “It’s a special case, but we have to think with clear heads before making the decision,” admitted the Spain manager on whether or not the Barça striker will make the final squad, to be announced on May 29th.

A posse of other Spanish managers are also in the news this week, in a more domestic context. Sevilla have signed up Míchel for another season, despite the former Getafe man failing to qualify for Europe last year whilst Joaquín Caparrós has been persuaded to stay on for another campaign in Mallorca, on the grounds that it's probably a pleasant, peaceful life there.

Manolo Jiménez looks like staying on at Zaragoza, despite his reported demands that the club make an effort with the youth system and that he and and his team have more control over hirings and firings.

Rayo are set to have talks with José Ramón Sandoval next week over his future, whilst Valencia have already admitted that new boss Mauricio Pellegrino wasn't the first choice to take over – LLL suspects the Argentinian wasn’t even the second or third – with sporting director Braulio Vásquez revealing that the top man for the job was André Villas Boas, but the Portuguese ended up turning down the chance to be Mestalla manager for some strange reason.

Toilet talk in Spain as Lotina leaves Villarreal in the poop

Tim Stannard — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:36:00 GMT

Three days after Villarreal’s rather rapid relegation from la Primera, LLL suspects there are still sobbing supporters sitting in the stands in el Madrigal, their mouths opening and closing like goldfish. In the space of just three minutes the club suffered the divisional descent of both their first side and ‘B’ team, the latter to make way for the Yellow Submarine seniors in la Segunda next season.

The gentleman largely responsible for this, Miguel Angel Lotina, left his coaching post on Wednesday having chalked up an impressive third relegation with a Primera club thanks to a record of three wins, five draws and three defeats in his 11 match tenure. “I felt like a manager again,” said Lotina, thanking the club for the chance to continue his reign as the one and only Lord of Doom.

However, Villarreal president Fernando Roig has other things on his mind, quite aside from his team not being much good / motivated / bothered. As well as hints of “worrying” goings-on in la Primera, as alluded to by Lotina over the past three or four years, Roig has added to the pot by claiming that by doing things by the book and following the rules in la Primera, Villarreal have been at an unfair disadvantage against most other teams in la Liga – a not completely outrageous suggestion as it turns out.

“[We have been] competing with sides that don’t pay their taxes, social security or their players...these clubs can sign and sign players then not pay for them.” Parts of this description fit Zaragoza, who stayed up at Villarreal’s expense, and Atlético Madrid, the team who sent them down with a 1-0 win in the last match.

The last couple of days have also brought up some curious goings-on in Vallecas in the final few minutes of Rayo’s game with Granada, with the Madrid team desperately needing a goal against their rivals at the time in order to make sure that it was Villarreal – losing to Atlético Madrid – and not themselves getting relegated.

It seems that some of the Rayo players were telling their counterparts that Villarreal were in fact losing by a couple of goals rather than the one – a scoreline that would see the visitors safe – and that it would be really nice if they could let Rayo score to allow both clubs to celebrate. “They told us it was 0-2 but we said ‘No, we don’t know anything,” admitted Granada’s Iñigo López.

“We need to win or we are dead,” are the words that Rayo boss José Ramón Sandoval revealed that he shouted to his counterpart, Abel Resino, on the touchline shortly before Rayo got their winner that keeps the club’s place in la Primera.

All this is of only partial interest to AS and Mundo Deportivo, who are having a spat that involves the Copa del Rey, Florentino Pérez and some toilets.

Some readers will remember that Real Madrid withdrew the Santiago Bernabeu as a possible venue for the Copa del Rey final between Athletic Bilbao and Barcelona due to repair works planned for the time of the game. “Nonsense,” was the response from the Catalan press, suspecting that Madrid were being meanie-heads and not wanting to see Barcelona celebrate a possible win in their stadium.

Wednesday’s edition of Mundo Deportivo published a photograph on the front cover of some very pleasant-looking toilets at Madrid’s home, claiming that word of works was a sham. AS countered with photos of missing seats in the stadium, reporting that 14,000 seats were being replaced and 240 bathrooms being repaired.

All in all, it’s a nice bit of Spanish silly-season symmetry: the papers are in the toilets as Villarreal’s world goes down the bog.

Good Day, Bad Day: Lotina’s terrible treble and Levante’s last day delight

Tim Stannard — Tue, 15 May 2012 09:57:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
LLL had suspected Real Madrid may have been too giddy and ticklish to overcome a Mallorca side fighting for a Europa League spot, but the chance to pick up 100 points - and a rod for their own back in seasons to come - gave Real Madrid the incentive required to waltz to a comfortable win and kick off celebrations that seemed to go on longer than the match itself. The highlight was perhaps José Callejón getting revenge on José Mourinho for a goal celebration in Mestalla by leaping on his manager’s back in a reversal of roles and riding the Portuguese across the pitch.

Víctor Valdés
There are still strange tribes out there in the football wilderness who feel the Barcelona goalkeeper isn’t all that, even when they get the chance to compare the angry one with José Pinto. Total nonsense, of course. Despite conceding two goals on Saturday against Betis, Valdés won the ‘Zamora’ best goalkeeper award for the fourth season running, and the fifth time in his career, by conceding just 28 goals in 35 games.

Málaga
It was a case of 'job done' for Málaga after Sunday’s 1-0 win over Sporting, a scoreline that was considerably tighter than necessary considering the number of chances. Málaga, who now make it through to the final qualifying round for next season's Champions League. But they lost 14 games! 14! That’s one less than Villarreal! LLL isn’t going to let this one lie.

Falcao
Quite a fine week finished with a flourish and another goal to give Atlético every chance of sneaking into fourth, had Sporting nabbed a late equaliser against Málaga on the south coast of Spain.

Levante
They did it! There was just the single European place left and Levante grabbed it with a 3-0 win over what must have been a disheartened Athletic Bilbao after their Europa League final humbling on Wednesday. Having been in the top six for so long and even leading la Liga for a wee bit, the fear was that Levante would fall flat on the last day, but despite the absence of leading scorer, Koné, they stumbled over the line.

Rubén Castro
The difference between an okily-dokilly average team staying up and going down is usually a goalscorer who can reach double figures. Betis forward Rubén Castro managed that with 16 goals, the last two coming against Barcelona to put him just one behind Fernando Llorente as the best Spanish goalscorer in la Primera this season.

Raúl Tamudo
Blimey. That was close one. Rayo were just seconds from going down with Zaragoza winning, but then Raúl Tamudo popped up (in an offside position by the looks of it) in the 92nd minute to keep the Vallecas club in the top flight and kick off the mother of celebrations in the down-on-its luck neighbourhood.

Manolo Jiménez
With all the talk of ‘incentives’ being hurled in the direction of a fairly litigious Zaragoza, a match away at Getafe where the home side had three men sent off (Zaragoza had one for their part) and a penalty, as well opposition who barely gave a flying fig would look a bit iffy. But not giving a flying fig has been the general vibe Getafe have given off ever since they secured their safety a couple of weeks back, so each to their own on what they think went on in the Coliseum.
Zaragoza’s performance was hardly startling, but in front of about 14,000 traveling fans, the away side did just enough to pinch the victory that sealed a remarkable survival effort that had manager Manolo Jiménez looking quite shell shocked on Sunday night after the match and doing a local folk dance in Zaragoza’s main square a day later.

Bad Day

Valencia
A whimper of a final game of a whimper of a season in which their players did only just enough to grab third place with ten points fewer than last season, saw Los Che defeated by Real Sociedad. This is a club that needs a serious kick up the bum.

Osasuna
It seems a bit arbitrary to throw Osasuna into the bad day section despite a 4-2 win at Racing, but it wasn’t enough to get European football, with Levante sneaking the Europa League spot by just the point.

Mallorca
A last day tussle against Real Madrid was a little bit to much for Mallorca, whose valiant battle for a European spot come to nowt, thanks to a 4-1 defeat in the Santiago Bernabeu and Levante’s victory against Athletic Bilbao.

Pablo Sarabia
Even with Castilla, the Real Madrid midfielder on loan at Getafe was a gobby so and so, with constant red cards for back chat to the referee. Sarabia was at it again by applauding a yellow card awarded to him just seconds before.

Miguel Angel Lotina
There’ll be plenty of time to pick apart exactly where it all went wrong for Villarreal, but one of the worst moves the club could have made was to appoint ultra defensive Lord of Doom, Miguel Angel Lotina, as manager. Once again, Villarreal went out with their back four, backed up with midfield trivot, and once again it failed to work, with the game-plan of simply hoping the opposition don’t score coming a cropper. Lotina has now relegated three clubs from la Primera, having also come close to doing it with Espanyol in 2006.

Sporting
The Asturian’s side chances of survival were just 4%, but even had Sporting managed to beat Málaga - which they were never anywhere near doing - it would have done them no good due to victories for Zaragoza and Rayo.

La Preview: Good news for Piqué, Atletico look to avoid hangover, Málaga eye bonus prize

Tim Stannard — Fri, 11 May 2012 09:33:00 GMT

Real Sociedad (14th) v Valencia (3rd) - 20.00 local time
Unai Emery has decided to get as far away as possible from Mestalla, by Russian off to take over Spartak Moscow on a two year deal. Meanwhile, the side he is leaving behind, third-placed Valencia, already have a brand new coach (and hate figure for their moaning fans in about six months time) lined up, with Mauricio Pellegrino preparing to take over.
This name might ring a bell to la Liga and Liverpool supporters, as he’s the same fella who played for Valencia for five seasons up to 2005, before moving onto Liverpool both as a footballer then a coach under Rafa Benítez, whom he followed to Inter Milan. The big advantage the Argentinean has ahead of beginning his work is that he already knows how fickle the fans can be in Mestalla.
“Mauricio knows the club very well and knows what’s expected at Valencia, he knows the objectives,” revealed David Albelda, “and that it’s a team that first needs to be in the Champions League and from that point try to get as far as possible in all the other competitions.” Exactly what Unai Emery achieved in fact, during his spell at the club which still ended up in boos and jeers.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Betis (12th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 22.00
Was that the tiniest of whoops from Gerard Piqué on hearing news of Carles Puyol’s probable absence from Euro 2012, with the springy-haired stopper needing knee surgery and therefore facing a race against time to be ready for the championships? Of course it wasn’t.
But Puyol’s misfortune may be his teammate’s good luck, with Piqué not in the best of form this season and potentially watching Sergio Ramos and Puyol lining up in the centre of defence from the comfort of the substitutes bench. Still, Vicente Del Bosque is certainly gutted about the whole business. “Some of the worst news we could have had,” sighed the Spain manager.
Puyol said that the knee felt dicky on Sunday and the doctors recommended operating straight away. “I don’t know if it was my last European Championships. I know that I want to retire on the pitch and not on the operating table,” said the defender, who faces a six week recovery period.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Getafe (11th) v Zaragoza (18th) - 20.00
The challenge for Getafe is to show that they aren’t being paid off by Zaragoza in the usual end of season bribery suspicions whilst that belonging to Zaragoza is to clear their name of any wrong doing being slandered around by certain figures at Granada, to name just one. Getafe club captain, Javier Casquero, began the campaign on Sunday by claiming that although his team have nothing to play for “we are going to defend our honesty. We are serious club of honourable footballers who’ll be going out to win.”
“It’s all absurd,” snorts Zaragoza coach, Manolo Jiménez, on slurs from Granada’s direction on possible economic incentives being offered to opponents. “In the second round we’ve not stopped facing sides with a lot to play for in every game. The best thing is not to respond to these provocations, but the accusations are getting more serious every time.”
LLL Prediction - Away win (Zaragoza to stay up)

Levante (7th) v Athletic Bilbao (9th)
During his scoring streak, all the talk was about how Levante striker Arouna Koné would react to scoring 18 goals this season, the figure that would trigger a contract renewal with his parent club, Sevilla, something that the forward definitely didn’t want. However, Lady Luck appears to have sat beside the Ivorian - but not Levante, who could do with his goals right about now - by giving Koné a knee-knock a week or so ago, a strain that sees him missing the last match of the season for Levante just a goal from the dreaded target.
LLL Prediction - Home win (Levante to make Europa League)

Real Madrid (1st) v Mallorca (6th)
Although the Madrid players will be thinking of continuing their league title-winning celebrations with fireworks and fiestas at the end of Sunday’s match - festivities which appeared to continue through 80 minutes of the Granada match, last weekend - they are likely to have quite the fight on their hands against Mallorca, who are not so much dark horses, but stealth technology, Special Ops gee-gees sneaking up into the European places.
The master behind this impressive push is Joaquín Caparrós, a coach who is a bit of a Womble in the sense that he is able to make use of things that everyday folk leave behind. In an interview with Marca, the potential new Sevilla boss revealed that he doesn’t need fancy pants stars to achieve success but hungry young talent and committed oldies. “I want a collective team with talent but passion and professionalism 24 hours a day.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (17th) v Granada (15th) - 20.00
It’s probably fair to say that neither of these two teams are heading into a huge Sunday in Vallecas in the best of spirits. Granada are still licking the wounds of their implosion against Real Madrid last weekend, with the team heading into the Rayo game with three important players suspended - naughty Dani Benítez won’t be back until November.
Rayo, meanwhile, have had a ‘mare since their 5-2 defeat against Sevilla. Reportedly, the club was close to firing José Ramón Sandoval on Sunday, with some players supposedly behind the move. The plan was to put Sporting Director Felipe Miñambres in temporary charge, but he refused, telling the bosses to be patient. At a press conference attended by Rayo leaders and players - but not Sandoval himself - everyone claimed all the stories were stuff and nonsense, and that everyone was ready for a bit of a make-or-break game on Sunday. “We are all united an going in the same direction,” claimed club captain, Míchel.
LLL Prediction - Home win (Rayo stay up, Granada go down)

Espanyol (13th) v Sevilla (10th) - 20.00
While a new slimline Mauricio Pochettino is set to stay on a bit longer with Espanyol, Míchel’s future at Sevilla is not so certain, with the manager possibly being moved out at the end of the season after failing to deliver European football of any kind, something that’s going to weigh heavy on the club’s dwindling coffers.
After a huge turnover of coaches in recent years, the Andalusian outfit are reportedly looking at bringing back Joaquín Caparrós, the man who, between 2000 and 2005, aided the development of some of the side’s finest products, including Jesus Navas, Sergio Ramos and José Antonio Reyes. Looks like a smart move, for once.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (4th) v Sporting (19th)
Sporting’s chances of going down are said to be 96%, and not just because they need both Zaragoza and Rayo Vallecano to lose, but because Sporting must also win. Against a Málaga side who look like sneaking into the Champions League despite having lost 14 matches this season, that's a pretty big ask. As an extra incentive, Marca are also reporting that €4m will be handed out to the squad, should the team finish in fourth - a win will secure it - whilst another €1m will be doled out should the team win their qualifying match and enter the competition proper.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (16th) v Atlético Madrid (5th)
LLL is not sure what was more surprising, a brilliantly executed offensive plan from Atlético Madrid, a water-tight defence, or the sight of the normally stern as nails Diego Simeone with a slight grin on his face and tears in his eyes as he watched his players celebrating Wednesday’s Europa League win. All in all, it touched the blog in parts it never knew it had.
But despite celebrations from the players that probably continued into Thursday and then Friday, there is serious business to be done on Sunday, with Atleti still in with a chance of Champions League football if they beat Villarreal and Málaga slip up in any way against Sporting. However, should Málaga get an early one, then you can expect Atleti’s energy levels to fall faster than a trophy in Sergio Ramos’ hands.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (20th) v Osasuna (8th)
Adieu Racing, and thanks for all those great memories you gave us...that seventh place a few years ago...and...er...well, thanks anyway. So it comes to pass that a club in a mess from top to bottom that may not have its ownership issue dealt with for another 28 years knowing how long these things take are bowing out of top flight football by hosting Osasuna, a properly run club of a similar size that by no coincidence has done rather well this season and are one win from the Europa League, should some other results go their way. Like Mallorca and Levante failing to win for example. It’s complex.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Atlético Madrid to break romantic hearts in Bucharest

Tim Stannard — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:53:00 GMT

Wednesday’s Europa League final is another sure sign of why Atlético Madrid are known as one of the most unlucky, put-upon clubs in the world, in that most of a neutral bent watching the game will dearly want the Rojiblancos to lose the match. But not for who they are, but instead for who they aren’t - and that’s Athletic Bilbao.

As a cheesy tabloid would write, Athletic Bilbao are the People’s Players who have stolen the hearts of most in Spain and around the world for their homegrown talent, passionate football and never-say-die spirit, and for charitably giving Gaizka Toquero something to do in life. Giving Manchester United a good thrashing on a couple of occasions certainly sold them to the majority of the English market.

However, the watching world may be a tad disappointed come the end of Wednesday’s final as although Atlético Madrid are incredibly flaky in la Liga this season – their chance of finishing fourth on the last day of la Liga is due to everyone else being a bit hopeless rather than Atleti being particularly good – Diego Simeone’s side have been truly dominant in the Europa League both home and away, having won all eight of their knockout games against Lazio, Besiktas, Hannover 96 and Valencia.

Even the team’s domestic tendency of throwing away late leads in injury time has largely been absent in Europe, aside from a few wobbly moments in the Vicente Calderón at the end of each half against Valencia in the first semi-final. Nevertheless, even if Atlético are winning their fans won’t be even remotely relaxed until the final whistle has been blown.

Two years ago, Atlético beat Fulham in another battle to be the Best Side In Europe Likely To Finish About Seventh In Their League. However, the experience won’t weigh too much in Atlético’s favour, because they've long since lost the front four behind that victory, Diego Forlán, Kun Agüero, José Antonio Reyes and Simao. Their replacements – Falcao, Arda Turan, Diego and Adrían – aren't quite as sexy and strong but remain more than useful on their day.

The message from manager Diego Simeone – aside from the usual mantra about his players showing they are men, flapping their cojones about and giving it their all on the field – has been about having a bit of fun on the pitch too, as much as it is possible with leg-breaking tackles being dished out. “Experience is important, but passion is more so,” explained the Argentinian. “You wait for a final all your life. You can end up playing two or three, but you have to face them as if they were your last.”

Rivals Simeone and Bielsa, together in their Argentina days

While Atlético’s pre-match preparations may well have involved being shouted at for hours on end and charging into shop-window dummies with Fernando Llorente’s face fixed to the front, the more sedate Marcelo Bielsa will have been inflicting days and day of Atlético Madrid videos on his footballers, such is the geeky gaffer’s love of that type of thing. Indeed, LLL imagines Javi Martínez switching on his in-flight entertainment system hoping to catch something soothing involving Jennifer Aniston and finding a two-hour scouting report on Juanfran popping up on his monitor.

A reported 20,000 Spanish fans of both sides have made it to Bucharest and will be trying to hoover up some of the 32,000-odd tickets made available to UEFA, sponsors, the local beauty queen’s family and Vlad the Impaler’s cohorts. And those who get in will see a fine final between two teams with two very different philosophies.

While Athletic are most un-Spanish in that their campaign has been carefully thought through and is the fruit of many years of planning and steady progression, Atlético Madrid has been considerably more frenetic and frenzied, with the side’s philosophy as usual represented by the phrase ‘cobbled together’.

Nevertheless, while LLL’s romantic heart would like to see Athletic Bilbao returning to Spain as Europa League champions, the pragmatic head puts Atlético Madrid as Wednesday night’s winners with a second European triumph in three years.

Good Day, Bad Day: The Genius of Granada & Atlético’s Incredible Options

Tim Stannard — Tue, 08 May 2012 09:48:00 GMT

Good Day

Leo Messi
Cristiano Ronaldo is such a team player that the Real Madrid star probably wasn’t even aware Leo Messi had scored four goals to move five strikes clear in the Pichichi chase with one game left until the following morning. But like Ronaldo's triumph last season, it’s a bit of a hollow victory for the Argentinean, seeing as he won’t be winning la Liga. Still, Saturday's four goals seemed to be a farewell gift to Pep Guardiola during the coach’s final appearance at the Camp Nou as Barcelona boss.

Unai Emery
The coach delivered Valencia a third successive third place finish in what was his final game at the Mestalla before departing the east coast club. LLL feels that’s job done for the departing coach, despite his players and the fans not exactly helping him on the way. We half hope the club soon live to regret the treatment given to poor Team Unai over the past season or two when officially under new management.

Atlético Madrid
Looking at the league table at around 11pm on Saturday night, the phrase ‘you are kidding me’ sprung from the blog’s gob. Actually, it was something a little bit stronger. Atlético’s victory against Málaga sees the Rojiblancos in with a chance of Champions League football next season. All they need is to dispose of Villarreal and for Málaga to fail to beat Sporting, but due to the close nature of the European places as we approach the final day, Atlético could even end up with nothing at all.
Despite the reasonably strong position for Atlético - one that Diego Simeone said he would have signed up for when he took over - the Vicente Calderón club came so close to doing their familiar shooting-themselves-in-the-foot routine. Points have been lost in the closing seconds all year due to clumsiness - most recently against Real Sociedad - and it seemed like it was déja-vu all over again on Saturday, with Málaga scoring what seemed like a perfectly good goal that was subsequently ruled out for offside. Let’s see if Atlético’s luck holds out for two more big games this week, starting with Wednesday's Europa League final.

Mallorca
Once again, Mallorca do just enough to pick up a victory. Sunday’s result was a 1-0 win against Levante was the third in the team’s last four matches - the sign of a side that is clinical with few chances created but incredibly sturdy at the back. Mallorca may not quite achieve the goal of European football next season with a clash against Real Madrid in the Santiago Bernabeu to come, but Joaquín Caparrós has made sure the opportunity has come incredibly close.

Osasuna
Another solid 1-0 home win, this time against Real Sociedad, keeps Osasuna in a chase for a European spot.

Freddie Kanouté
The injured Malian was given just a few minutes against Rayo Vallecano and still managed to score. The former Frenchman, who has has been one of the players LLL has most enjoyed watching over the years, said goodbye to the Sánchez Pizjuán having given wonderful service over the past seven seasons. The footballer will be very much missed in la Liga.

Zaragoza
The side came so, so close to blowing it in the home clash against Racing, missing a huge number of chances. But in the end, Angel Lafita came through with ten minutes to go to give the relegation-battlers a 2-1 victory against Racing. Although Zaragoza's self belief is high after three victories on the trot, there are clearly nerves-a-plenty in the spines of them there footballers. However, a win against Getafe - no harder than playing 11 shop window dummies theses day - will see Zaragoza safe against some astronomical odds earlier this year.

Sporting
It was tears from the poor old Sporting players last Tuesday after defeat to Villarreal looked like seeing the Asturians being sent to la Segunda this weekend. But Sporting survive to fight one more day after winning against Betis. The second-from-bottom team now need to beat Málaga next weekend - unlikely - and hope that Zaragoza and Rayo Vallecano both lose - very, very unlikely.

Bad Day

Kaká
For the fourth time this season, the forward was been substituted at half-time after disappearing from the match. Kaká probably isn’t going to be hanging about the Santiago Bernabeu next season.

Manuel Pellegrini
The Málaga manager seemed considerably wrinklier and more bouffant-ed since LLL last saw the Chilean face-to-blog, and also appeared quite frustrated that his team couldn’t kill-off Atlético Madrid to guarantee fourth spot, after a dominant first half in the Calderón. Although they have what looks a very comfortable final game against Sporting next Sunday, Málaga still have work to do, even if European football of some kind has at least now been secured.

Míchel
The Sevilla boss was set the target of delivering Champions League football when he took over at the club in February. Yet Míchel didn’t even manage to provide Sevilla with Europa League football next season. The former Getafe boss has said that projects as messed up as Sevilla’s need time and patience, but it’s unlikely club president José María del Nido will give him much of either, with Joaquín Caparrós even being touted for a return to the Andalusian club over the summer.

Granada
Well that was smart. Take a well deserved 1-0 lead against Real Madrid, rugby tackle Cristiano Ronaldo to give away a penalty with ten minutes to go and then score a own goal in injury time. But that’s not all. Oh no. Not by a long way. Get two of your players sent off for abusing the referee after the match, have another throwing a full drinks bottle at the same referee to ensure a lengthy suspension. Oh yes, make sure that these are your three best players missing for the final match of the campaign when the team could still be relegated.
Instead of apologising and realising what buffoons you have been, blame the referee for being from Zaragoza, the home of one of your relegation rivals and basically suggest that he is either biased or corrupt. “It was premeditated,” claims Mikel Rico. Good going, all round.

Miguel Angel Lotina
The Villarreal boss experienced relegation on the final day of the season with Deportivo last term, and may well be doing so again, this time with another big name of Spanish football - Villarreal. Now that really does take some special kind of talent. The Yellow Submarine still have Rayo Vallecano sat between them and the drop-zone, but are only one point ahead the two teams below them - it all creates an incredibly uncomfortable situation next Sunday against Atlético Madrid.

Rayo Vallecano
The Madrid side have really, really, really got to hold it together now, despite the Sevilla defeat being the side’s ninth loss in a shockingly bad run of ten. All of this back story needs to be cast asunder - LLL thinks that’s correct English - with the players focussing on the notion that if they beat Granada on Sunday, they are safe for another season.

Ronaldo relying on teammates to help him catch Messi in Pichichi chase

Tim Stannard — Fri, 04 May 2012 10:37:00 GMT

After two days of exuberant partying, La Liga Loca is pretty much pooped.

No, those celebrations were not in relation to Real Madrid sealing the league title on Wednesday evening, but instead the fact that there’s no more midweek football this season. Aside from the Europa League final next week, that is, the grand competition which will determine the greatest club between the pair likely to end up in 7th and 8th in Spain.

Despite 'Round 20' - nestled quite naturally for la Liga just ahead of Saturday’s 'Round 37' containing much promise of moving and shaking, not a great deal happened apart from Real Madrid winning the league title and Iker Casillas celebrating it with some gusto the following evening on the bus trip to Cibeles, where the Real Madrid captain took an inordinate time tying a knot on the banner draped around the statue’s head.

Valencia's late victory over Osasuna, combined with Málaga's defeat to Barcelona, should be enough to secure third place for Los Che, while Rayo slipped dangerously close to the relegation zone with a 1-0 defeat at Mallorca.

Every single match this weekend kicks off at nine on Saturday night, meaning LLL's Monday review is going to be sketchier and more guess-work-based than normal.

Real Zaragoza will be relegated if they fail to beat Racing at home - which they won’t - and Rayo manage to pick up just a single point away at Sevilla. That’s actually easier than it sounds, as the Andalusian side are quite, quite awful these days, having lost 2-1 to Betis in injury time on Wednesday to ensure Míchel the Manager probably won’t be getting his contract at the club extended any time soon.

With Athletic Bilbao having no chance of getting into the Champions League, facing a whopper of a match on Wednesday and already qualified for Europe next year due to the Copa del Rey final appearance, their clash against Getafe already sounds like the dud of the round.

The new league champions Real Madrid will have to get themselves together for the trip to Granada, where Cristiano Ronaldo will probably be giving all his teammates high fives and pats on the back every two minutes in an attempt to motivate them sufficiently to pass him the ball so he can score a bunch of goals and catch up with Leo Messi, who currently has two strikes more in the Pichichi chase.

Granada themselves need either a victory or Zaragoza to lose to secure safety. Barcelona will be playing 13th placed Espanyol in the most meaningless Catalan derby for some time, although it will be another shooting gallery session for Leo Messi, no doubt.

For those uninitiated, Mallorca against Levante may not look the most enthralling of ties, but Joaquín Caparrós has turned the Balearic side from relegation fodder to European-qualifying super heroes by moving the side into seventh after four wins in five. There rise may well come at the expense of Levante though who are facing the last two games without super-striker Koné.

Sporting’s only chance of staying up is if they win their final two matches, Rayo Vallecano lose their games and Zaragoza have a bit of a flop in the final run-in. They’ll be face a happy-go-lucky Betis on Saturday.

The chuckles from Atlético Madrid watchers are still dying down after yet another injury time disaster from the Vicente Calderón club on Wednesday. Atlético were leading 1-0 until Real Sociedad equalised in a comedy scramble to leave Diego Simeone swearing unmentionables about his back four on the touchline, not for the first time in la Liga this year and probably not the last. The Rojiblancos will be hosting Málaga while trying not to expend too much energy before the Europa League final.

Villarreal have probably done enough to stay up with a midweek win against Sporting but will want a point or two more to be sure, especially if they are picked up against Valencia in Mestalla. Osasuna are still hoping to sneak a European spot with a home match against Real Sociedad, and might be a cheeky outside bet to do it.

LLL Predictions
Zaragoza v Racing - Home win
Athletic v Getafe - Draw
Mallorca v Levante - Home win
Granada v Real Madrid - Away win
Sevilla v Rayo Vallecano - Away win
Barcelona v Espanyol - Home win
Sporting v Betis - Home win
Atlético Madrid v Málaga - Away win
Valencia v Villarreal - Home win
Osasuna v Real Sociedad - Home win

Real Madrid prepare to celebrate, Bilbao fans prepare to turn up late

Tim Stannard — Wed, 02 May 2012 09:46:00 GMT

Not for the first time, it’s the pasillo, rather than the potential end of the Primera title race, that dominates the headlines in the Spanish capital.

For the uninformed, the pasillo is traditional guard of honour given to league champions by opposition players prior to the first match after the league has been won. It was being discussed in squeakily excited terms by the Madrid press as far back as the winter, when Real Madrid were 10 points clear at the top and calculations were being done whether or not Barcelona would have applaud their rivals on to the Camp Nou pitch ahead of their recent clash, as they did in 2008 (see the below video).

Instead, the talk now is of whether it will be another club not exactly enamored with all things Madridista going through the ritual - Athletic Bilbao.

If Málaga beat Barcelona at the Camp Nou in Wednesday's 8pm kick-off, Real Madrid will be officially crowned league champions for the 32nd time without kicking a ball, as their match at San Mamés doesn't get under way until 10pm. But as a floppy Málaga have next to no chance of beating Barcelona at the the Camp Nou, Real Madrid will most likely have to do the hard work themselves and defeat Athletic in their own back yard for the sixth time in seven seasons.

Málaga doing their duty and rolling over will spare some Athletic fans missing the first five minutes of the match, with rumours suggesting a group of supporters would boycott the opening stages of the fixture in order to avoid the accursed ‘pasillo’. This isn’t simply because they don’t like Real Madrid, it is also a protest against the capital club's president Florentino Pérez, who barred the Santiago Bernabeu from being a potential Copa del Rey final venue due to all important toilet repair work at the stadium, and certainly not due to the fact he didn't fancy seeing a certain Catalan club having a party on his patch.

The chance of winning la Liga even saw José Mourinho breaking his radio silence and giving Aitor Karanka a bit of a rest in the pre-match press conference. However, there may be more quiet to come in the next few weeks if things go alright on the night. “I’ll do what I always do,” said the Madrid manager, who is on the brink of winning four league titles in four countries, “I’ll be as quiet and hidden as possible.”

Jose - hidden and quiet, just as promised

It’s a strategy that Unai Emery would dearly love to adopt however, the under-pressure Primera coach is having to dodge question after question on his immediate future in Mestalla. Valencia are in action at home to Osasuna and looking to take advantage of fourth-placed Málaga’s potential Camp Nou defeat to move three points clear of the southern side. “Our limit is to be third in la Liga,” reiterated Emery to fans always wanting a bit more. “I’ll celebrate it and I invite people to celebrate it and enjoy it, too.” Good luck with that plea to the Valencia fans, says LLL.

It’s a big evening in the battle for Europa League places (stay awake, please), with Levante away at Zaragoza - who must win to stand any chance of staying up - and Atlético Madrid at home to nothing-to-play for Real Sociedad, a sure-fire sign of an imminent away victory in the Vicente Calderón, if ever there was one.

The Seville derby is also taking place, although it’s a bit of a ‘meh’, mid-table affair this time around, despite Betis having the incentive of being able to go level on points with their neighbours, should they win in the Sánchez Pizjuán. Which would be nice. Rayo will make yet another attempt to pick up the last three points needed to stay up with an away match at Mallorca.

In Tuesday’s games, Sporting pretty much sealed their relegation fate with a 3-2 home defeat to the then fourth-from-bottom side, Villarreal, who moved seven points clear of the Asturians with two games to go. Granada moved to the 42 point mark with a victory over Espanyol whilst Getafe drew 1-1 with Racing in a midday kick-off at the Coliseum in front a crowd that managed to reach the four figure mark, quite remarkably.

Wednesday Predictions
Atlético Madrid v Real Sociedad - Home win
Barcelona v Málaga - Home win
Sevilla v Betis - Draw
Mallorca v Rayo - Away win
Zaragoza v Levante - Home win
Valencia v Osasuna - Home win
Athletic Bilbao v Real Madrid - Away win

May Day midweek mayhem as Spain rocked by match-fixing allegations

Tim Stannard — Tue, 01 May 2012 14:14:00 GMT

Normally, match-fixing allegations in Spain only come to light about two after the games have taken place and it’s far too late to do anything about them, not that there was ever any will to probe them in the first place.

But ever since it became an actual banged-to-rights, ‘ello ‘ello’ ‘ello, take down your particulars crime at the end of 2010 - LLL was as surprised as anybody to discover it wasn’t one in the first place - those running the game in Spain have become a little bit faster to the draw when it comes to investigating potential naughtiness involving the mythical ‘suitcases’ of cash used to ‘encourage’ teams one way or the other at the end of the season.

The third-to-last round of la Liga matches kicked off on Tuesday - although technically it’s round 20 due to August strike business - with stories of skullduggery rumbling in the background. A representative for the Spanish League (LFP) told radio station Cadena Ser that “three weeks ago, we met with the official state authorities to report our concerns on this (match-fixing) theme and we gave them a press dossier.”

Although no specific report has been made against any match, Javier Tebas, says that “there are seven or eight games each each season where there could be an agreement to predetermine the result.”

This all comes at the same time as a journalist for another radio station, COPE, has made accusations that Sporting’s 3-0 victory at Espanyol on Saturday may not have been completely out of the blue. It’s an allegation completely denied by both clubs, with Sporting president Manuel Vega-Arango claiming his club are already looking into legal action and that “we are a modest club in economic terms but very big in terms of our supporters who don’t deserve this.”

But Sporting will have to park this controversial bus for a day or so, as the team have a season-defining game against Villarreal kicking off at 20:00 on Tuesday evening, local time. Sporting are currently second from bottom on 34 points, with the Yellow Submarine two places above them on 38. A defeat and it’s probable all over for Sporting. A win and it’s ‘get in’. A draw and LLL is not too sure what will happen, with Villarreal still facing two eminently losable games against Valencia and Atlético Madrid.

At the time of writing, the latest score flash from Getafe’s midday kick-off is 1-0 against the already relegated Racing. That leaves one more match being played on Tuesday at 18.00 with Granada hosting Espanyol. Again, it’s not one that exactly tickles the ivories, but a win for the Andalusians should see the side reaching the survival point mark, which is quite a remarkable achievement for a team that was expected to be going straight back down to la Segunda.

Tuesday Predictions
Getafe v Racing - Home win (Ed - The game ultimately finished 1-1, sorry)
Granada v Espanyol - Home win
Sporting v Villarreal - Draw

Good Day, Bad Day: Puyol’s punch, Racing’s relegation & rubbish Reyes

Tim Stannard — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 14:41:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Real Madrid
A touch lucky at times – what with the perfectly good early goal disallowed for Sevilla, who proceeded to be somewhat hopeless in front of goal – but it was job done for Real Madrid on Sunday morning in the Santiago Bernabeu. A comfy 3-0 victory leaves the team just needing a win at Athletic Bilbao on Wednesday to pick up league title No.32.

Thiago
Although there was much to enjoy in the performances from Leo Messi and Pedro in the front three during Barcelona’s 7-0 demolition of Rayo, LLL was particularly tickled by Thiago in the centre of midfield, who bossed and lauded over what was admittedly a bit of a soft centre for Rayo. The Spanish/Brazilian was a footballer who seemed to thrive under the responsibility handed to him in the absence of Xavi and Andrés Iniesta. It was a performance that saw Barcelona recover from a tough week in some style.

Carles Puyol
The Barcelona legend's status goes up another notch with his ear-clipping intervention to stop Thiago and Dani Alves celebrating the fifth goal with a samba in front of the Rayo fans. “We apologise to Rayo, it will never happen again,” announced Pep Guardiola after the game.

Málaga
The 1-0 win over Valencia sees the southerners draw level in third with the team they beat – although not on head-to-head scores – but it was a flat performance in a flat game between two flat teams. This sounds a tad harsh, but without a decent striker – as Málaga are at the moment – the Champions League challengers aren't really that impressive as an outfit, Santi Cazorla and Isco aside. More investment needed this summer.

Valdo
The forward is the typical example of how Levante have been successful over the past season and a half – a journeyman footballer thought to be past his best, stepping up to the mark with Bruce Willis / Armageddon style big performances and nuclear detonations. The 31-year-old popped up with two assists and a goal in a 3-1 win over Granada that still gives Levante a chance of a Champions League place thanks to Valencia’s imminent collapse: little Levante are just three points and two spots behind their city neighbours.

Betis / Atlético Madrid
A point is probably just fine for both clubs in their respective quests to stay up and qualify for more European football. However, all the excitement came at the end, with three goals in the final six minutes to make a 2-2 draw in Andalusia.

Raul García
An amazing – and it truly was amazing – 10th league goal of the season for the Osasuna forward-type-player gives his side a point at Villarreal and an ongoing chance of European football next season.

Mallorca
The final three games will probably end in three defeats, with Mallorca taking the Getafe holiday option, but there's a very faint sniff of a top-six finish for the Balearic club who are three points off after Saturday’s rather surprising 3-1 away win at the Coliseum. See, la Liga can be exciting after all!

Real Sociedad
You sense that not all fans are happy about it, but la Real's not-all-that-popular French boss Philippe Montanier has led the club to top-flight safety with three games to spare – thanks to a couple of goals from Antoine Griezmann, who finally decided to show up to the Primera party after a lost year in San Sebastian.

A Rayo loon
LLL spent a fair amount of Sunday’s game against Barcelona watching an insanely animated Rayo fan dressed in an all-in-one unitard-with-mask Spiderman-style suit, covered in black and white checks. The blog salutes you.

Zaragoza, Sporting
Closing in from behind on 17th-placed Villarreal, both clubs sense fear and other unmentionable whiffies coming from the back of the Yellow Submarine. Both won their weekend matches to close the gap to four points with three games left, and on Tuesday Sporting face...Villarreal, of course!

BAD DAY

Gonzalo Higuaín
The striker began the season as José Mourinho’s No.1 striker, but now the Argentinian is very much a No.2, despite having scored a goal more than Karim Benzema. A (very) late sub in both Champions League semi-finals and the Clásico, the Argentinian didn’t even make it off the bench on Sunday, a possible response to reports that he has been talking to representatives of PSG due to his unhappiness at being shoved down the pecking order at Real Madrid.

Valencia
Thought so. Completely given up. “Unai Emery left his theories on a winning mentality in the library,” complained the match report in AS after the lame defeat to Málaga.

José Antonio Reyes
The Sevilla forward was a complete waste of space on Sunday against Real Madrid, to end a year where he has been a complete waste of space for both the clubs he’s played for.

Getafe, Espanyol
Two teams who, having reached the fork in the road with directions marked "European football next year" and "European vacation now", have taken the more relaxing route. Getafe crashed 3-1 at home to Mallorca, with Luis García admitting that “I’m sad: I can’t find any explanation for such a bad match.” Meanwhile, Espanyol did even worse, with Paul from Barcelona in the stands to see a 3-0 defeat by relegation-doomed Sporting.

“Well that was the worst performance I've witnessed since I saw DLT doing a Radio 1 roadshow in 1978 [Gary Davies always delivered – LLL]. Overpaid, underperforming, lacking any real ideas – and Espanyol weren't much better.

"Basically this one was phoned in. For a team with an outside chance of Europe they lacked any ideas and most of the team looked like they were 'on the beach' already.

"To quote Fernando Torres – and what a fantastic week it's been – the best team doesn't always win. Despite being rubbish, Espanyol still played better football than Sporting – but like Chelsea, Sporting took their chances and deserved to win because they wanted it more.

"Sporting's fans were great and Espanyol fans clapped Sporting off the pitch, more to show disgust at Espanyol to be honest. Things not looking good here. All the best players will be gone in the summer and the lack of ambition stated by Kameni looks to be true.” –– Paul, Barcelona

Villarreal
Saturday’s 1-1 against Osasuna was the third match in a row that Villarreal have held a 1-0 lead in a game, before missing chances and then seeing the advantage being wiped out. Although Villarreal have only lost one of their eight matches under Miguel Angel Lotina, five have been draws. Tuesday’s clash at Sporting could either seal safety for the east coast club or leave the team in all sorts of trouble with two matches to go – matches against Valencia and Atlético Madrid, no less.

José Ramón Sandoval
Rayo still need those three points to enjoy safety for another season, but there was no chance whatsoever of picking them up against a Barcelona side who completely outclassed a team supposed to be enjoying home advantage. “I can’t look myself in the mirror,” admitted the Rayo boss. “If you let in seven how can you not be ashamed?”

Racing Santander
Now officially relegated after defeat to Real Sociedad, they may not be back for a while considering there's an almighty mess concerning who actually owns them. It’s the fans who must suffer the absolute idiocy of the former management of the club with the ‘sale’ to Ahsan Ali Syed, a move that has spelt disaster for an institution that’s 100 years old.

La Preview: European euphoria, succession crises and pocket change

Tim Stannard — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 09:18:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Getafe (11th) v Mallorca (12th) – 18.00 local time
One of the coaches being linked with Unai Emery's job – the whiteboard-loving Valencia boss has apparently told his players he’s off in the summer; more on that later – is Luis García, despite having been in the Getafe job for a single season. For the most part it was a successful campaign, with Getafe only wobbling a little at the start. This builds on a season in the city of Valencia last year which saw the launch of the mighty Levante.

LLL senses that the backwater life of Getafe may not be suiting García, especially with the Team Dubai money apparently gone, and that there may be some ship-jumping sooner rather than later – especially considering the manager’s thoughts on where his current team belongs in the universe. “I’ve always said that Getafe’s place is in between eighth and 12th,” said García, who may soon be opining that the perfect position for third-placed Valencia is third place.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Levante (5th) v Granada (16th) – 18.00
The blog is a little concerned that at the end of a fine campaign Levante might end up with nothing at all – never mind a Champions League place, which was always a big ask. They need a whopping win on Saturday if they aren’t to slip out of the European places, with Athletic, Atlético, Osasuna and Sevilla all able to catch them if things go badly.

The fans have recognised that the players need a bit of a boost in the final spurt and have launched the “We are dreaming of Europe” campaign to back the team both home and away for the four remaining games.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Espanyol (10th) v Sporting (19th) – 18.00
As well as in Levante, there’s also been a European rallying call in Perico-land, with pretty much half the league still in with a chance of continental footie next season. Espanyol are three points off the top six and should feel good about closing the gap against a very doomed Sporting. “I have absolute confidence in this group and would bet that we’re going to be in Europe,” said a perky Mauricio Pochettino. “Let’s see if we can get about 10 points, although in the end this might not be enough.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Sociedad (14th) v Racing Santander (20th) – 18.00
Double jeopardy or something like that! A win for Real Sociedad on Saturday would both mathematically secure another Primera year for la Real and also send Racing down to la Segunda. Excitement!
LLL Prediction – Home win

Villarreal (17th) v Osasuna (8th) – 22.00
It’s been a pretty fine campaign for Osasuna all around, free of the usual relegation scrapes which have been a frequent feature for the Pamplona club. Club president Patxi Izco has decided that this would be a perfect time to step down after 10 years, setting up elections in a month or so. “There are mental and physical reasons, there’s my family and I think it’s a good decision,” explained the weary club president. “I prefer to go before I’m kicked out. What’s more, I’m tired.” LLL shares his pain.
LLL Prediction – Home win

SUNDAY

Real Madrid (1st) v Sevilla (9th) – 12.00
Want to talk about the defeat? Nope? Can’t say LLL blames you – penalties are never fun – so let’s chat instead to the Sevilla camp, who travelled to Sunday’s match as early as Thursday to avoid their own city’s April Fair, which has been known to lead players astray. When asked why the squad are being yanked out of the city so early, Jesús Navas admitted that “I can see why, I’m not much for going to the Fair.”

Meanwhile, Sevilla president José María del Nido said that his side can take a certain English team’s performance against Barcelona as a way of beating Madrid on Saturday: “A poor Chelsea in football terms has knocked Barça from the Champions League; why can’t Sevilla be capable of winning in Madrid?” Because one side can defend and the other can’t?
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Zaragoza (18th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th) – 16.00
At last! Luis García finally appears during what has been an underwhelming season at Zaragoza. The former Espanyol forward has been out drumming up optimism around the city that Zaragoza can stay up, which is quaint to see. “You can definitely save yourselves with four wins,” announced García, “because Villarreal, Granada and another team will mess up. Our first game against Athletic is fundamental and will an important step if we win.” Fortunately for García and his team, Sunday’s opposition may be feeling a little lethargic after a somewhat strenuous Thursday night.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Málaga (4th) v Valencia (3rd) – 18.00
Unai has reportedly told his players in the dressing room that this will be his final season in Mestalla. No great surprise there. This has kicked off rumours over who will replace the manager and then spend a joyful season or three being booed by supporters for achieving exactly what he was supposed to achieve with the club.

As previously mentioned, Getafe’s Luis García is a possible candidate and so is former Espanyol boss Ernesto Valverde, who has been having quite a lot of success in Greece with Olympiacos and is set to be leaving at the end of the season. Other names being bandied about include Didier Deschamps and Joaquín Caparrós, which LLL would love to see.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Betis (13th) v Atlético Madrid (7th) – 19.45
Real Madrid and Barcelona may have let their country and themselves down with their midweek European knockout, but Atlético Madrid and Athletic Bilbao did king and country proud with a double win to set up an all-Spanish final – so we can find out who's the best side in Europe who will finish about sixth in their league.

Naturally, this achievement sees the Atlético players reaching full marks on Diego Simeone’s ‘Hombre-o-meter’ for footballing manliness. “They put in an enormous effort for the directors who have had confidence in us and for the people who are today proud of Atlético Madrid,” said the bullish Rojiblanco coach.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Rayo Vallecano (15th) v Barcelona (1st) – 21.45
If Barcelona lose to Rayo after Madrid have beaten Sevilla, the champions will lose their crown. Not that Rayo fans have any interest in the Catalans' trials and tribulations – they have a couple of preoccupations of their own. The first is needing three more points to ensure safety; the second is the ongoing war with the team’s directors, who have called for another “Day of the Club”, which sees season ticket holders having to pay an extra €20 to see the Barcelona match.

Although ideas such as arriving late, leaving early, or going in and back out again have been thrown about, the fan group ADRV came up with the great idea to pay for the €20 ticket in loose change, although the club responded by claiming that they don’t have to accept more than 50 coins for a single payment.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Madrid press demand Mourinho's side don't go the same way as Barça

Tim Stannard — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:00:00 GMT

Tongues have never been as busy in Spain as they were on Wednesday morning, a statement that perhaps requires some clarification.

In Madrid, they were being bitten. In Barcelona they were being used to lick wounds. In Sevilla, the fun-packed Feria (the city's April Fair) is taking place, so it’s best not to speculate as to what kind of naughtiness may have been going on.

The mood in the Catalan camp is not a good one, after Chelsea did their defensive thang on Tuesday night to knock Barcelona out of the Champions League. The 2-2 draw saw the Londoners gain a spot of slobbering revenge for the events of Stamford Bridge '09, when the luck was very much against the English team, a fact that appears to have been overlooked by the local papers, from what LLL can gather.

The general vibe in the Barça media in response to a setback which leaves the Copa del Rey as the team’s only realistic hope of a trophy is a mixture of disappointment, moaning, taking it on the chin and the usual dose of smugness, though perhaps in smaller quantities than usual.

The bravado is provided by the front pages of both Mundo Deportivo and Sport. The former reminds fans who may be feeling a little down in the dumps that “to be Barça is to be the best there is”, while its rival bemoans the unfairness of football on the front cover

Of course, Chelsea would disagree, having handed Barcelona about 98% possession, had their numbskull captain sent off and even given away a penalty to hand their Spanish opposition a chance of beating them. Statistics underlining the dominance of Barcelona over Chelsea stuffed into both papers, but the Catalans were lacking in the area that matters most - goals. '47 chances, a missed penalty, four posts hit', bemoaned Sport, with Josep Maria Casanovas lamenting that “they were up against a Chelsea side who were more efficient, had more luck and knew how to take the few chances they had.”

Mundo Deportivo’s Santi Nolla leads the clarion call, with the reminder that “Barça fell with their heads held high, faithful to a style but less fresh than normal.”

Madridistas would usually love nothing better than some serious taunting and pee-taking at their rival’s expense, however Real Madrid’s own future in the competition is by no means secure, with Bayern Munich taking a 2-1 lead into the Santiago Bernabeu on Wednesday night. “Don’t you fail,” commands Marca’s front cover, with a picture of a celebrating Cristiano Ronaldo next to poor Leo Messi from the previous evening.

Madrid’s biggest concern will be a leaky defence that is generally not a its strongest in the Santiago Bernabeu, so there is the suspicion that if Bayern score it could be the end of the Spanish side’s Champions League run. If fact, so spooked is the club that it has run the familiar “fans are the 12th man” style campaign, something LLL has always been baffled by. After all, if supporters can’t raise themselves for a Champions League semi-final, when can they?

LLL is predicting a long night being forced to cheer on their team for the Real Madrid fans, predicting a 2-1 win after 90 minutes and penalties to follow. And the blog wouldn’t want to bet against a German team in that scenario.

All eyes on Piqué & Pep during Barça’s pre-match prep

Tim Stannard — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 10:00:00 GMT

Considering Barcelona’s defence hasn’t really been the cause of the club’s annus...er...weekus very baduss - which has instead been down to a somewhat limp attack that relies rather heavily on Leo Messi not feeling peaky - there has been quite a to-do about Gerard Piqué failing to appear for the games against Chelsea and Real Madrid.

However, unless Pep Guardiola and the Barcelona communications team are being rather mischievous, the Shakira-obsessed centre-back looks likely to be lining up in the Champions League semi-final second leg against the Londoners, given it was Piqué who took time out of his busy social schedule to talk to the press ahead of a match in whcih Barcelona have a bit of catching up to do.

Piqué’s main task in the press conference was to confirm everything was just tickety-boo with Pep Guardiola, despite the manager clearly have having lost his ‘feeling’ with the centre-back, something that normally involves a transfer to Serie A a few months later if Bojan and Zlatan’s experiences are any thing to go by.

“My relationship with him is very good, although you don’t believe it,” said Piqué to the journalists, “We speak a lot.”

The defender then said he would go to great lengths to see his coach carrying on for another season at the Camp Nou. “I’d stick my hand in a fire,” confirmed Piqué in a promise LLL would be amused to see Pep hold the centre-back to.

Guardiola later spoke on the issue and was happy to confirm Piqué had not been playing simply because he wasn’t good enough, rather than there being any issues about his private life. “Of course, it’s for sporting reasons. A coach can’t control private lives. Gerard has a very full life as a person, I want this for him and want him to be the same person I’ve known for four years and Tito has known since he was a kid, a happy guy. It’s his life, it’s not for me to say he should do this, not do that.”

The other discussion point in the Catalan capital surrounds how Barcelona are going to get circumnavigate Chelsea’s big defensive bus and overturn the 1-0 deficit from the first leg. Josep Maria Casanovas, writing in Monday’s Sport, says through a Linford Christie-style Positive Mental Attitude. “The problem is in their heads, in getting back their confidence, in restoring their morale, in having confidence in their own abilities,” reports the columnist.” There is also a call for the crowd to give the team a warm hand on their entrance ahead of the game, “Barça have given so much, they deserve our total support in these difficult moments.”

Last week the Catalan press triumphantly called that Barcelona would be in the final because the side were infinitely superior to Chelsea. This week, with some doubts over the team's progression, the vibe from some is that Barça should go through because it wouldn’t be fair if they didn’t. “The fans of this Barcelona team deserve a Champions League final. As much as the team do,” were the thoughts of Mundo Deportivo's Santi Nolla, who apparently got a little emotional from Saturday’s scintillating atmosphere in the Camp Nou.

“The day of Real Madrid in Camp Nou was exciting when hearing the how the hymn was sung in the stadium, almost a cappella, with goosebumps before the match. Or in the last ten minutes of a tempestuous match with the Barcelona fans singing the club’s name, a sign of such support.” What the Mundo Deportivo writer wasn’t excited about, it seems, was all those long periods between his two highlights.

A few songs aren’t going to help Barça beat Chelsea. Leo Messi needs a bit of help, Xavi Hernández needs to rediscover his mojo and Cesc needs to pull his finger out a little. If that happens, then LLL predicts a fairly comfy 3-0 win for the Champions League holders to help their bid to retain their title.

Good Day, Bad Day: Pep’s Problems, Arda’s ‘ard work & a Tennis Ball Tantrum

Tim Stannard — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:37:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
There was a beautiful silence in Spain on Sunday morning, aside from the cheering in the fancier bits of Spanish capital and the grumbling from the culé collective. The hush was thanks to nobody moaning about conspiracies, refereeing decisions, fouls, offsides or any other minutiae that so often get picked over post-Clásico.
Real Madrid won Clásico XI fair and square through a disciplined, focussed defensive performance and a dangerous attack that had more shots on goal to Barcelona with a ratio of six to three, despite only having 27% possession. The league title could now be won on Sunday if Madrid beat Sevilla and Barcelona lose out at Rayo Vallecano.

Valencia
Booed onto the field but cheered off of it. That was the story of Valencia’s 4-0 win over Betis, with their supporters still livid after Thursday’s Europa League semi-final surrender in the Vicente Calderón.

Arouna Koné
A goal from the on-loan Levante striker in a 1-1 draw against parent club Sevilla took Koné to 14 in the league and 16 overall for the season, two goals shy of an automatic contract renovation with Sevilla, something the forward reportedly doesn’t want.

Gaizka Toquero
There’s an awful lot of responsibility on the limited but hard-working shoulders of Athletic Bilbao's Toquero, a forward who has to deliver the goals when Fernando Llorente is rested to stay freash for the side’s European encounters. Unfortunately for the poor fella, Toquero is rarely able to fill his partner’s poaching boots, with his goal in the 1-0 win away to Racing just his fourth in the league this season. However, it was enough to give Athletic all three points and move the team into sixth.

Arda Turan
The Vicente Calderón has seen an awful lot of fun over the past few days, starting with Thursday’s 4-2 Europa League win over Valencia. Atlético carried on in that confident spirit on Sunday with a comfy 3-1 victory over Espanyol. The victory came thanks to two great goals from Arda Turan, a second minute bicycle-kick being the best of the bunch. Atlético are now attempting a late-burst, Seb Coe style, off Málaga and Valencia’s shoulder in the race for a Champions League place.

Sevilla Fans
Seconds into the match against Levante, hundreds of tennis balls were lobbed onto the Sánchez Pizjuán pitch in protest at the kick-off time being moved from 22.00 to 22.30 so as not to interfere with the post-Clásico coverage. “Stop the game, Mou is still talking,” read the banner which would have been more impressive had it instead read Karanka.

Mallorca
Quietly, quietly without too much disturbance in the Force, Joaquín Caparrós has guided Mallorca to another year in la Primera. The 1-0 win over Zaragoza moved Mallorca onto 43 points, the maximum that Saturday’s opponents who are third from bottom in the table can achieve with Mallorca having a better head-to-head record over the Aragon outfit.

Carlos Vela
Yet another place in the Good Day section for the Real Sociedad forward, who is on loan from Arsenal, a club who must have noted the Mexican’s inspired run of form. Vela’s bicycle kick to pick up a point for la Real against Villarreal was the fancy front man’s 11th of the season and fifth in the past five games.

Granada
A 1-0 win against Getafe may not look that sexy with certain other matches taking place this weekend but it moved the Primera newbies to within a single win from staying up.

Sporting
Probably a bit late now, but a 2-1 victory over Rayo on Saturday is better than a defeat LLL supposes. Sporting now level with Zaragoza on 31 points.

Bad Day

Pep Guardiola
The Barça manager admitted errors in his approach to Saturday’s title crunch-fest, with the youngster Cristian Tello carrying a lot of the goalscoring responsibility for the team. However, LLL has some sympathy as the Barça boss didn’t really have that much choice.
The side’s best chance of a big win this season is in the Champions League, which made playing the knock-carrying Alexis too much of a risk. Cesc is out of form, David Villa injured and Pedro will also be required in the Camp Nou for the visit of Chelsea. Guardiola’s tinkerings were necessary ones, but when the game began the line-up simply wasn’t strong enough to beat a Real Madrid that was firm at the back yet probing up front. It’s a simple answer to a complex question of how Real Madrid beat Barcelona in 90 minutes at the 11th attempt for José Mourinho.

Sevilla
Míchel’s men are completely losing their way in the final run-in when rivals for a European spot such as Athletic and Atlético are rediscovering their form. Sevilla were battered 5-1 by Getafe last Monday and were held at home 1-1 by little Levante on Saturday night / Sunday morning.

Rayo Vallecano
The Vallecas Flash is in awful form at the moment with injuries, suspensions and general fatigue catching up with the team. The 6-0 victory over Osasuna a couple of weeks ago, is the side’s only win in the past seven games, a spell that has seen six losses, the most recent being a 2-1 reverse at Sporting on Saturday. The final two or three points Rayo need to stay up could be tough ones to get, especially as the next clash is the visit of Barcelona.

Villarreal
Another lead lost in the final minutes for Villarreal who dropped two points in a draw against Racing last weekend in the final seconds and did it again against la Real on Sunday with just five minutes left on the clock. Those errors make the difference for Villarreal needing five more points or a single point to stay up.

Zaragoza
Ouchies. A defeat to Mallorca sees Zaragoza needing to win all of their final four matches against Athletic, Levante, Racing and Getafe to give the team the smallest of chances of staying up. All those challenges are doable but Zaragoza are relying on Villarreal six points above them to have a bit of a mare at the end of season. But with Miguel Angel Lotina in charge, anything can happen.

Racing Santander
Reports of a team that look a touch down in the dumps are not all that surprising for a Racing side that’s bottom-of-the-table on 26 points, without a win in over four months, having just lost their 16th league game of the season with a 1-0 defeat to Athletic Bilbao.

La Preview: Superheroes, Sulkers and Strange Scheduling

Tim Stannard — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 08:19:00 GMT

Saturday

Mallorca (13th) v Zaragoza (18th) - 18.00 (all kick-offs local time)
Instead of investigating scoundrels stealing, embezzling, hiding or spending tax payers' money in the somewhat seedy area of Balearic local politics, a local court has decided to waste even more hard-earned cash by investigating whether UEFA were right to exclude Mallorca from the 2010/2011 Europa League for falling foul of the organisation's regulations by going into administration.
Unsurprisingly for an institution possibly playing to a local audience, the court decided pointlessly that UEFA were quite wrong to make that decision, although what anyone is supposed to do about it now is anyone's guess...
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sporting (19th) v Rayo Vallecano (14th) 18.00
Eagle-eyed fans watching Rayo’s defeat to Atlético Madrid last week will have noticed the club’s mascots were dressed as a series of super-heroes. This is all down to a temporary marketing deal with a film distribution company that sees the club being sponsored by “The Avengers” which already looks like it may be suffering from X-Men-itis, with too many characters smashing each other to pulp.
Rayo stalwarts Tito and Pito were asked which superheroes their teammates would be. “Michu would be the Hulk because of the way he changes when he scores. Míchel is Captain America because he united everyone. Diego Costa is Iron Man as he fights with everyone,” was the considered response. The geek in LLL would suggest that Iron Man is fairly picky about his battles often preferring to ponce about instead, but that’s another story for another day.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
In previous dispatches, LLL reported that the Madrid press were a mixture of positive and negative in response to Real Madrid’s 2-1 defeat to Bayern Munich. Some focussed on the generally poor performance of the team, while others highlighted the importance of the away goal, though that Mesut Özil strike may not be much use to a team who have kept just 20 clean sheets in their 50 games this season.
There is a bit more spark in the Catalan crazy media in response to Barça’s defeat to Chelsea, a loss which has left the Culé camp feeling a little hard done by, the poor little lambs. Sport’s front cover declares positively that Barcelona “will go through playing like that”, while lead columnist Josep Maria Casanovas spits that “the English were cowards and conservative”, though it was an approach that clearly seemed to work, LLL would like to point out. “This game could be repeated 10 times and Barça would win nine,” fumed the writer.
Both results have made the Clásico somewhat tricky to predict as the games tend to be self-contained form bubbles. However, LLL is going to give it a go. The fact that Real Madrid don’t need to win will be a big influence on the match and lead to a sparkling 2-2 draw and two red cards. Both for Pepe probably.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (9th) v Levante (5th) - 22.30
Now if you are paying attention, you’ll notice this particular game is due to kick-off at 22.30, therefore it’s a match that’s going to start on Saturday and end on Sunday, some kind of Spanish scheduler’s wet dream. The original kick-off time was the normal slot of 22.00, however it was bumped back by the Spanish League who didn’t want a single moment of this inferior fare soiling the post Clásico nonsense. So it seems Barcelona and Real Madrid press conferences are deemed more important than a match that could turn out to be a Champions League tussle.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Real Sociedad (15th) v Villarreal (16th) - 12.00
Miguel Angel Lotina usually sucks the life force out of LLL, so much so that even writing about one of his teams - in this case, Villarreal - makes the blog want to curl up on the sofa and snooze...which it has just done for half an hour! Making this morning's blog a little late.
News...news...need some news. Here you go. Ángel thinks the Real Sociedad game will be a final and could mark the season. LLL isn’t even going to go there, for once...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (17th) v Getafe (11th) - 12.00
Remember the whole concept of Getafe Team Dubai? No? The buy-out by the Royal Emirates Group that would see an investment of €20m each season? Oh. Well, it seems that it might not happen after all, with Marca reporting that a deal that was supposed to be finalised at the end of April looking a little doubtful on the grounds that next to nothing has been heard from the group looking to buy Getafe in the first place. Maybe someone made a secret visit to the place and thought better of it?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (20th) v Athletic Bilbao - 16.00
Although a defeat for Racing and wins for Granada and Villarreal will spell relegation for the Cantabrian club, there is a least some good news. Last Friday, manager Álvaro Cervera went into hospital suffering from heart pains but was released on Tuesday to go back to work, where the manager spoke about a trying few days. “I’m sure it was a situation of stress. I don’t know the cause. I lost my father and my mother in a month-and-a-half, I changed teams and have turned from winning to losing,” said Álvaro.
Worth noting the lack of t-shirts of support from the players during the match their boss miss last weekend, and the revelation from the Racing coach that only two players visited him in hospital. Not that LLL is judging or anything.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Espanyol (10th) - 18.00
Blimey, not only have Atlético made the front cover of AS, but also the front cover of Marca - the day before Clásico Saturday, no less. That’s how good the Rojiblancos were for large chunks of their Europa League semi first leg against Valencia, with a brilliant performance from the front four and the usual going to sleep at the bag.
“Marvelous Falcao!” was the headline from AS, after the striker's two goals took him to ten Europa League strikes for the season, with his second of the night so good that it even seemed to surprise the Colombian himself. “I’m happy to help with my goals,” said the future Chelsea/Manchester City/Barcelona/anywhere-but-Atlético-next-season hit man.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Valencia (3rd) v Betis (12th) - 21.30
LLL is looking at its ‘Team Unai’ membership card and wondering if it can continue to carry it proudly in its wallet after the 90 minutes of nonsense the blog experienced in the Vicente Calderón on Thursday night. Although Valencia picked up two goals in the injury time of each half to sort of keep the club in the tie against Atlético with the scores at 4-2, it was an abjectly awful performance from the visitors. Heck, even the Valencia boss himself agreed. “We were inferior in attack, defence and intensity,” admitted Emery. “In the second leg we need to get back to being this Valencia that we have been for large parts of the year.”
Perhaps the one advantage for Valencia in the team’s ongoing chase for third spot is that the players are hardly going to be tired from Thursday night’s exertions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Osasuna (6th) v Málaga (4th) - 21.00
Just when Málaga needed a bit of a boost to carry the southern side over the Champions League finish line and overcome that challenge from pesky Levante, a blast from the past is back, back, back in town. Julio Baptista has returned to the club after a bit of R&R on some kind of muscle tear and foot rot (Spanish papers go into great medical detail). “The rehab is going well,” reported The Beast. “I’m here to help the team.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Mixed moods over odds of an all-Spanish final

Tim Stannard — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:40:00 GMT

Ha! La Liga Loca knew it! José Mourinho will be moving back to the Premier League over the summer, after all. That’s the only reason the blog can think of to explain why the Madrid manager didn’t follow his standard operating procedure after footballing setbacks: either publicly blasting the referee for being a UEFA-conspiracy stooge or privately waiting for him by his car to rant about ruining his life.

NEWS Advantage Bayern after late Gomez goal

The referee for the Bayern Munich match on Tuesday night happened to be Howard Webb, an Englishman, and therefore a useful ally to have next season. True, Mourinho noted after the game on a couple of occasions that he felt that he first goal for Bayern was offside due to Luiz Gustavo standing in front of Iker Casillas, but the message from Mourinho was that refs have a tough job and do the best they can. “It should have been ruled out, but I don’t have a bad feeling.”

Mourinho was perhaps balancing that decision with the later one that saw Marcelo only receiving a yellow for giving Thomas Müller an almighty boot. “It still hurts,” complained the Munich man. “The doctors are going to examine me but I can walk,” he continued, presumably waving away a proffered piggy-back.

"Comme ci, comme ça. No, hang on…"

A suspension for Marcelo would have had meant a very uncomfortable week for his replacement Fabio Coentrao, who has received the bulk of the blame for the defeat for his failure to stop the runs of Arjen Robben and Philippe Lahm. The full-back and a certain German midfielder received the full scorn of Tomás Roncero in Wednesday’s AS. “Coentrao and Khedira are not starters in a great Real Madrid, like we all dream of. An imperial Madrid, that dominates games and silences the Allianz Arena with a match of 'I’m in charge here, little Germans.'”

AS editor Alfredo Relaño was unimpressed with both teams in what LLL thought was a very entertaining, open clash for an encounter of such significance. “Neither of the two teams were of the height of a European semi-final nor at their club level,” said the head of a paper whose front cover warns that “the Bernabeu will decide.”

This may be an issue for Mourinho: although Madrid have the away goal, Fortress Bernabeu is a bit of an open house this season with Getafe, Rayo, Betis, Osasuna, Atlético Madrid, Barcelona, Granada, Athletic Bilbao, Zaragoza, Levante, Málaga, Real Sociedad, Sporting, Pontferradina, Dinamo Zagreb, CSKA Moscow and APOEL all scoring in Madrid’s home.

Marca would disagree, their front cover claiming that Mesut Özil’s close-range effort is a “golden goal”. However, like AS, Marca were not overly impressed with the performance of the visiting side – apart from their French striker. “A bad night for Ronaldo and di María... but a good one for Karim Benzema,” said the paper’s match report.

The result has put the all-Spain Champions League final in some jeopardy, with LLL putting the first tie at 50/50. Barcelona are generally expected to have an easier time of it in Stamford Bridge, the scene of a crime that José Mourinho still rants about: Barcelona’s controversial win over Chelsea in 2009. “What’s lost is lost,” mused Pep Guardiola, who said that he’s not expecting a revenge mission from Wednesday’s opponents.

Sport appear to be so confident of victory that the paper's front cover leads with Real Madrid’s defeat to Bayern. It does find room inside for a truly enormous amount of smuggery from Josep María Casanovas, who gasps about the welcome Barça received in London.

“The Barcelona of Messi has turned into a paradigm of football, the mirror into which everyone looks, the team which is building up merit to pass into history as the best in the world. It’s not an exaggeration but a marvellous reality. Never has Barça been so admired and respected.”

The over-stimulated Sport columnist continues in this manner for quite some time – as does his colleague Lluís Mascaró, who is in very confident mood indeed ahead of the game and is slobbering over the thought of more glorious nights for the Catalan Crusaders. “The first step should be taken tonight in London. Barça are superior to Chelsea – very superior according to experts in English football.”

And this sums up the mood in Spain ahead of the second semi-final. Any English rival is always going to be respected, but the problems suffered by Chelsea this season and the team’s wobbling form have been closely followed due to the presence at the club of Juan Mata and poor Fernando Torres.

One half of the Real Madrid and Barcelona divide are now less than confident of being in Munich in May after Tuesday night’s game. The other think they’ll be there even before Wednesday’s has been played.

Bayern represent Madrid's first big test on 'a night for the brave'

Tim Stannard — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 13:30:00 GMT

Let’s face it, Real Madrid have had a bit of cosy time of it in the Champions League so far this season.

Unlike the other Spanish sides to enter the competition, they haven't had to deal with testing tussles against the likes of Milan, Chelsea or Manchester City. Instead, José Mourinho’s men merely had to dispose of Dinamo Zagreb, Ajax and Lyon in the group stages and then CSKA Moscow and APOEL in the knock-out rounds. They could almost have done it with one hand behind their backs while humming a chirpy little ditty. Indeed, that’s how LLL imagines Kaká approaching every game he’s played in this season.

So the question being asked in Spain ahead of Tuesday's semi-final first leg trip to Germany is not just what will happen when Real Madrid come up against Bayern Munich - a team the Spanish side have traditionally struggled against having lost ten of their 18 meetings - but what will happen when the Spanish league leaders come up against a decent team, full stop.

One theory suggests the players may well have a few problems, as they have done in their last few meetings with Barcelona, and more recently in their draws against Valencia and Málaga in the Santiago Bernabeu.

However, on another day the chances created in both those matches would have gone in, Real Madrid would have an eight point lead at the top of the table and Bayern would be quivering in their Bavarian booties at the thought of the mighty Spanish side turning up on their doorstep. After all, just because Madrid haven’t had the chance to take on anyone tough the Champions League doesn’t necessarily mean that they won’t beat them comfortably when they do.

Jose's habit of listening to JLS during press conferences went down badly

AS have billed Tuesday evening's fixture as “a night for the brave”, with a picture of Sergio Ramos and Iker Casillas holding thumbs aloft, accompanied by an editorial fretting over the traditional dangers posed by Bayern Munich. “Bayern Munich is the only team in Europe where Real Madrid has a losing balance after facing them a sufficient number of times, not just occasionally.”

Marca’s front cover has a photograph of the view that faces the players when entering the Allianz Arena pitch in Munich with the headline, “stairway to glory” in big, shiny letters. Inside, the paper reports a confident José Mourinho claiming “I’ve spent a long time preparing for this game and I have everything clear.”

What was unusual about that statement was the fact that the Madrid manager was talking at all, considering the Portuguese has been keeping a happy silence over the past few weeks in la Liga, with Mourinho apparently unable to go a whole 10 minutes without complaining about refereeing decisions. “Today UEFA make me speak,” noted the former Chelsea manager.

The visiting coach was unable to stop himself when asked about Howard Webb, who is charge of Tuesday’s clash, and Mourinho seems quite satisfied with the appointment. “As aways, my players are going to help him and I hope everything goes well,” promised Mourinho with an admirably straight face.

Although LLL likes sitting on the fence as much as the next blog, it’s going to go for one of its comfortingly incorrect predictions and fall into the ‘just because they haven’t played anyone decent, it doesn’t mean that won’t beat anyone decent’ camp and go for a cheeky 2-1 away win, which would see Madrid put one foot in the final, and a return to Munich.

TACTICAL PREVIEW Michael Cox on Bayern v Real Madrid

Good Day, Bad Day: A Dynamic Duo, Foraging Falcao and Crafty Clemente

Tim Stannard — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:35:00 GMT

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo & Leo Messi
It’s not just the goals which put the dynamic duo on 41 apiece that see Ronaldo and Messi in the Good Day section this week, rather the fact both players are, to a degree carrying their teams on their backs at present. Leo Messi’s wonderful opening effort against Levante brought Barcelona back from 1-0 down, while the thigh-tapping Titan put Real Madrid into the lead in what was an unexpectedly uncomfortably match against Sporting. Neither club were particularly bright and beautiful on Saturday night and will certainly need to buck their ideas up midweek in the Champions League.

Athletic Bilbao
Free kick. Header. Fernando Llorente. 1-0 win against Mallorca. A familiar routine for Athletic Bilbao, who have now broken through their iffy patch in la Primera to pick up seven points from the last nine and put the Basque team just one point from the European places.

Falcao
It was a verdict of ‘must do better’ from the blog for Atlético, who were playing a much-weakened Rayo. But at least Falcao was up to the job for the Rojiblancos, with the forward’s 22nd goal of the season sealing a 1-0 win that leaves his side in a big gaggle of clubs just outside the European places.

Espanyol
Paul from Barcelona is back, back, back. And so are Espanyol, apparently, after a 4-0 thrashing of Valencia that seems to have taken everyone by surprise.
“Well, didn't expect that. Back after last week's illness (thanks Tim and Jordi VW) just in time to see a drubbing. A pretty dull first 20 minutes unless you like watching blokes in orange trying to kick anything that isn't round.
Then fantastic work from MOM Sergio Garcia who laid it on from Christian Gomez to score easily. Then, the best goal of the match from Verdu whose run and shot was something special,from his weaker foot too.The only thing more surprising than the scoreline and Christian's clean gloves was that Valencia still had 11 men on the pitch.
Second half, Valencia had a good ten minutes without looking like scoring then Espanyol took control and it was a surprise they only scored two more through. Not a fantastic performance from Espanyol but too good for the poorest Valencia team I've seen in 16 years.
Ref had a shocker, though. Not as bad as the other Valencia/Barcelona derby. What was all that about? Clear handball vs a nudge. How come no other teams get decisions like that, Manchester United aside, of course?”
Paul, Barcelona

Rubén Castro
The Betis forward made sure his 14th league goal of the season was an absolute peach, and in the process gave his team a 1-0 win over Osasuna to push the Seville side over the 42 point mark.

Real Sociedad
A very handy but referee-assisted point at Málaga puts la Real one win away from safety.

Zaragoza
The 1-0 win over Granada and cries from the crowd of “yes, we can!” kicks off Zaragoza’s five match attempt to save their skins from la Segunda. Eleven points will probably be needed from the final 15 available. The rescue mission continues away at Mallorca next weekend.

Bad Day

Team Unai
And it was all going so well for the happy campers of Team Unai. A point against Real Madrid and a midweek trashing of Rayo Vallecano had seen Third-Placed Valencia returning to third-place. But then the ever erratic Espanyol came along to stick four past them in what Marca describe as 'a morning stroll' in Cornella on Sunday. “We lost out tactically, physically and mentally,” admitted the Valencia boss, whose line-up against the Pericos had one beady eye on Thursday’s Europa League encounter with Atlético.

Málaga
In a decision that would have had the papers hopping mad had it been against Barcelona or Real Madrid, the referee ruled out what would have been an injury time winner for Málaga in what ended up as a 1-1 draw against Real Sociedad. Defender, Martín Demichelis was in an onside position when he poked the ball into the back of the net, but the referee did not see it the same way and thus took away two points that would have seen Málaga sitting in third spot.

Levante
It was a typically gutsy display by Levante to hold off Barcelona for about two thirds of the game. However, a Leo Messi double meant that it was not to be. However, a defeat for Valencia and a home draw for Málaga a day later was a useful exercise in damage limitation for Levante.

Miguel Angel Lotina
There is much finger-wagging in Villarreal’s direction and their coach for taking a 1-0 winning margin for granted and failing to push for a second. This eventually cost Villarreal two very important points with Racing equalising in injury time to leave the Yellow Submarine five points from the relegation zone and six from safety. It will be probably enough to keep Villarreal up, but Lotina is making things unnecessarily hard for the side.

Javier Clemente
Seven defenders in the line-up for Sporting and accidentally allowing a ball to be rolled onto the pitch by a member of his bench whilst Real Madrid were attacking. All in a good day’s work for the Sporting boss, whose team will soon be needing snookers to stay up in la Primera this season.

A wild week for La Liga's Other 18

Tim Stannard — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 09:48:00 GMT

“Tonight, Matthew, La Liga Loca is going to be Jarvis Cocker.” Instead of a Stars in Their Eyes (is that still running in the UK? Is John Craven’s Newsround?) rendition of Common People, the blog is going to recreate the Pulp frontman’s finest moment – wafting his booty about during Michael Jackson's rendition of Earth Song at the 1996 Brit Awards.

But in this case, instead of publicly pricking the pomposity of the King of Pop, LLL will overlook the limelight-hogging Real Madrid and Barcelona in order to focus on the extras in the background singing "What about us?" – the other 18 La Liga teams. That’s who LLL is focusing on today: The Other 18. So there.

As was to be expected, and as probably didn’t escape anyone’s attentions, both Real Madrid and Barcelona won their matches to maintain a four-point lead at the top of the table for the forces of Mordor. But there was fun to be found elsewhere, with Valencia retaking third spot thanks to a 4-1 win over Rayo Vallecano that wasn’t as dominant as the scoreline suggests.

“Our play lacked some fluidity because Rayo made it an uncomfortable match for us,” admitted Unai Emery, who enjoyed the experienced of not being booed out of Mestalla for perhaps the first time in two or three months.

Málaga missed out on the chance to hang on to third by being late losers at Villarreal. They started well when Santi Cazorla opened the scoring in the 65th minute, although he displayed his affection for his former side by opting for the non-celebration approach. Unfortunately his team-mates thought this was a naff and each one of them came up to give the little fella a hug and hair ruffle.

The injury-time victory for Villarreal sent the home stadium into bedlam and moved the Yellow Submarine seven points clear of Zaragoza, who crashed 3-0 to Sevilla – the southern side putting themselves back into European places contention by moving into seventh. “I think that the Villarreal goal affected us because we don’t only depend on our own results but those of our rivals,” admitted Manolo Jiménez after the game.

Levante stayed in fourth after twice throwing away leads at Sporting to lose 3-2, despite many doubting the Asturians team had it in them to attempt such a comeback. The home crowd certainly didn’t think so, once again booing coach Javier Clemente, this time when he took off two attacking players with the scores at 1-1.

“If it’s the public who are making changes then why are they paying me?” scoffed the people-influencing, friend-winning manager. Despite the hard-earned home win, Sporting remain in big relegation trouble thanks to Villarreal's late victory: like Zaragoza, Sporting remain seven points from safety; unlike Zaragoza, Sporting's next game is away to Real Madrid.

Under them in the Segunda-bound slurry tank are Racing, who were tonked 3-0 at home by Mallorca to leave the Santander side rock-bottom on 25 points. “There is still a mathematical possibility, but it’s not a big one,” said Racing boss Álvaro Cevera on his team’s survival chances.

By contrast, Mallorca's win put them on 40 points and one victory from sure safety – although that now seems to be a dead topic in la Primera, considering the bottom three of Racing, Sporting and Zaragoza are looking very done and dusted indeed.

Round 34 Predictions
Real Madrid v Sporting – Home win
Levante v Barcelona – Away win
Espanyol v Valencia – Draw
Zaragoza v Granada – Home win
Betis v Osasuna – Home win
Málaga v Real Sociedad – Home win
Villarreal v Racing – Home win
Athletic Bilbao v Mallorca – Home win
Rayo Vallecano v Atlético Madrid – Away win
Getafe v Sevilla – Away win

Atlético Madrid vs Real Madrid, history, reality, influenza...

Tim Stannard — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 08:57:00 GMT

The flu being suffered by Adrían and Falcao, the existence of Luis Perea in defence, Diego Simeone’s limited tactical preparation of yelling "Passion! Grit! Cojones!" at his players, 13 years of failure at the Vicente Calderón, a spooked Real Madrid in no mood to mess about... these are just some of the dark forces aligning against Atlético Madrid in El Derbi – a game that could well start on Wednesday and finish on Thursday should there be any injuries, due to an insanely late kick-off time of 22.00 on a school night.

Although an awful lot of the focus is on Real Madrid’s faltering form in recent big games against Málaga and Valencia, there should be more musings on Atlético’s la Liga journey of late, a topsy-turvy one compared to their wonderfully smooth passage, as it were, in Europe.

Using a football manager’s favourite cliché, Atleti will have to give it around 94% if the team are to hold back their opponents and a certain Cristiano Ronaldo, who seems to actively enjoy and be motivated by the abuse routinely hurled at him from the stands. The problem for the Rojiblancos is that their performance levels in the last game against Levante were at around 12%, what with conceding after just 58 seconds.

The Wednesday worries for Atletico are their tendency for sluggish starts and their visitors' ability to blast teams away in the opening minutes. The hosts' hopes of a Champions League finish are disappearing faster than Javier Clemente’s friends in Gijón.

On an administrative point, LLL’s must now refer to Real Madrid as Aitor Karanka’s men, considering José Mourinho skipped his third consecutive press conference – due to being upset by refereeing decisions, claim Marca. The first of those was before the Valencia game had even taken place, making the blog believe the Portuguese is part of some kind of Minority Report-style refereeing pre-crime unit.

So, Karanka’s men are now merely a point clear after Barcelona comfortably dispatched Getafe 4-0 in a match that LLL was predicting might be a tad tough for the Catalan club. The blog still isn’t entirely sure why it came up with that crazy notion. As usual Pep Guardiola was trying to get everyone to calm down a little, pointing out that an upcoming trip to Levante might not be the cakewalk everyone seems to think it will be.

Barcelona’s win against Getafe was the third of the matches played on Tuesday. Earlier on, Osasuna beat Europa League rivals Espanyol 2-0, a much-needed win after shipping 11 goals in their last two matches. “We had a debt and now it’s been closed,” announced a satisfied José Luis Mendilibar. Real Sociedad – with another goal from Carlos Vela – and Real Betis played out a 1-1 draw that keeps both sides out of the relegation battle for a bit longer.

Also in action on Wednesday, Valencia host a feisty Rayo Vallecano, who won’t be squatting on their laurels despite being two points from probable safety. “The fans demand a team that defend the badge and that’s what I want to,” promised manager José Ramón Sandoval.

Málaga’s win at Racing on Monday sees Team Unai being pushed into fourth. A failure to beat Rayo – quite possible – and a victory for Levante against Sporting – very possible – would see Valencia being shoved into fifth spot. If so, not even a handy result against Real Madrid and qualification to the Europa League semi-finals would prevent a hanky-waving hammering for Emery and his players in Mestalla.

LLL Predictions
Valencia v Rayo - Home win
Granada v Athletic Bilbao - Away win
Sporting v Levante - Draw
Atlético Madrid v Real Madrid - Away win (1-3)

Good Day, Bad Day: Inspirational Unai, Rampant Rayo and an Invisible Villarreal

Tim Stannard — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:42:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 7 Apr Getafe 2-0 Sporting Gijón; Rayo Vallecano 6-0 Osasuna; Espanyol 2-2 Real Sociedad; Real Zaragoza 1-4 Barcelona; Real Betis 3-1 Villarreal Sun 8 Apr Levante 2-0 Atlético Madrid; Mallorca 0-0 Granada; Athletic Bilbao 1-0 Sevilla; Real Madrid 0-0 Valencia Mon 9 Apr Málaga 3-0 Racing Santander

GOOD DAY

Leo Messi
Hello again, Mr Messi! Same shapeless haircut as usual as if your mother has done it? Two more goals, sir? Another assist, a brilliant bit of skill that nearly brought about another assist? Sounds like the usual weekend, Mr Messi. Now, would sir like something for the weekend?

Unai Emery
LLL isn't entirely sure that it's going to help the Valencia manager’s cause at all with the Mestalla fans, but a comfortable cruise through to the Europa League semi-finals and a masterful tactical display at the Santiago Bernabeu to frustrate Real Madrid must surely give Team Unai some respite... Nope? Didn’t think so.

Levante
It needed just 10 minutes of work for Levante to rid themselves of sleepy Atlético Madrid on Sunday in a 2-0 win to make the Valencia club official, grown-up serious contenders for the Champions League places, never mind the Europa League, after three victories in their past five games. “It tells you everything when we say that one Atlético signing is worth three times Levante’s budget,” said a proud Juan Ignacio Martínez after a result that temporarily put his team on the same number of points as Valencia.

Getafe
Getafe plod their way to the magic 42-point safety mark with seven games to go thanks to a victory so comfortable over Sporting, the tension-free home support ended up entertaining themselves in the Coliseum by joining in with the visiting supporters when they called for the head of Javier Clemente.

“Let’s see where we end up,” said Getafe boss Luis García, whose team now have a decent chance of a European spot, such is the bumbling nature of the teams around them. And LLL is having a stern look at you, Espanyol and Osasuna.

Athletic Bilbao
A huge sigh of relief in the Basque Country after Athletic manage their first win in five. Both they and Sevilla were sluggish in the first half but the home team suddenly found their mojo and won with a traditional method: cross for Fernando Llorente to head in.

Rayo Vallecano
Late last week, a furious José Ramón Sandoval waved a piece of paper to the press claiming that due to a technicality of the club going into administration, he was being legally forced to return wages paid to him last summer – late wages, no less. The Rayo boss admitted that he was expecting a contract renewal, something that will probably ripped apart in front of his bosses' faces now.

A livid Sandoval promised that the team “would work harder to show that this badge is above everything else.” Rayo would go on a “Japanese strike”, an expression meaning trying even harder than usual. The brilliant Rayo boss and his players were true to his words with a 6-0 demolition of visiting Osasuna – a very handy victory after three defeats had left the Madrid side wobbling.

Michu
A brace against Osasuna makes it 15 for the rampaging Rayo marauder. LLL is behind his manager when Sandoval said that Spain should look at him after the European Championships, to add some meat and muscle to the tiki and taka.

Betis
The Seville side may not always get the results they deserve but they're never less than entertaining to watch. That was certainly the case as they tore into Villarreal, with the dynamic front duo of Rubén Castro and Roque Santa Cruz coming up with a goal between them to give Betis back-to-back victories and a 10-point cushion from the relegation zone.

Carlos Vela
Two absolute belters for the magic Mexican makes it another week in the Good Day section for the on-loan Arsenal attacker.

BAD DAY

Real Madrid
The Madridista press appear to have taken Sunday’s setback against Valencia on the chin, Monday’s papers praising the goalless draw with whoops a’plenty and box-to-box antics. “It felt like a great European semi-final,” wrote AS editor Alfredo Relaño.

However, it will no doubt sink in over the next few days that Madrid’s grip on the league title has slipped remarkably over the past month, to leave the club swinging about on la Primera’s rope ladder like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom. Rather than Madrid going through a sticky patch of poor form against Villarreal, Málaga and Valencia, perhaps it’s because Mourinho’s men have come up against teams who are both disciplined and organised.

Pepe
The bad news was that Pepe showed his loony side on Sunday when he lashed out with his foot after a tackle. The good news for the defender was that it was against his own team-mate, more by luck than design.

Osasuna
Ten goals in two games conceded by the Pamplona people, who have now gone into sleep mode – as witnessed when Rayo rushed into a 4-0 lead after 34 minutes. “We can’t repeat this attitude as we represent a team, a region and a city,” fumed manager José Luis Mendilibar ahead of what must have been a very unpleasant trip home indeed for his failing footballers.

Atlético Madrid
Despite complaints of a midday kick-off on Sunday after a Thursday night game in Germany, Diego Simeone grumbled that the weekend’s loss to Levante was not “an excuse, but a reality.” LLL wonders what the reasons are for Atletico's failure to win in other 13 la Liga trips this season.

Espanyol
Dropped points at home in a 2-2 draw with Real Sociedad sees the Pericos on the naughty step this week. Here’s Paul from Barcelona to tell us all about a fourth match without a win for stumbling Espanyol... except he can’t due to bronchitis with only the energy to complain about a missed penalty by the ref! Must be serious. Get well soon, Paul from Barcelona!

Villarreal
Plan A for a side managed by Miguel Angel Lotina is not to concede and hope for the best. Two goals for Betis in the first half saw the Villarreal boss rifling through a very empty tactics sack for a plan B with the visitors playing a back four, a defensive duo in front of them, a full-back in front of them and a single striker and two lonely play-makers. “When I came, things were worse than they are now,” claimed Lotina after the match, wheeling out the “not my fault” excuse nice and early.

Javier Clemente
LLL was front row and centre before Javier Clemente, who had seen his Sporting side limply fail to Getafe with barely a shot on goal. The blog was hoping for a repeat of last week's slanging match with a journalist – as long as it wasn’t the thin-skinned, sensitive blog – but instead Clemente (who is the tiniest person you’ll ever see, by the way) spoke openly and honestly for about 20 minutes.

Having taken over in January, the Sporting boss said that there’s very little a coach can do in such a short spell aside from motivate the team, lift spirits if possible and try to fix any glaring errors. Clemente pointed out the fundamental issue with Sporting is that the team are hardworking and ‘honest’ but collectively are not good enough for la Primera. “If you are going to compete in a Formula 1 race, then you need a Formula 1 car or else you are going to finish last in every race.”

La Preview: Boring Bielsa, Mourinho’s Mind and Clemente’s Cruelty

Tim Stannard — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 07:30:00 GMT

Saturday

Getafe (10th) v Sporting (20th) - 18.00 (local time)
Sporting manager Javier Clemente’s space shuttle-sized gob got him into a bit of hot water this week. During a press conference on Sunday, Clemente got into a ding dong with local journalist Juan Gancedo, who had criticised the temperamental trainer for being out-of-date and stale in his coaching methods. Rather than choosing to disagree with the writer, Clemente called him out in front of the group, promising to tell the scribe's son that "his father is a disgrace.”
Unsurprisingly, the response from the journalist was to pack his bag and leave with more insults from the Sporting boss to follow. In the days which followed there was silence from Clemente, despite a complaint from the local media. The head of communication at Sporting, Manfredo Álvarez admitted that “this isn’t good for anyone” and claimed Clemente had "defended himself against what he considered to be offensive.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (12th) v Osasuna (6th)
One of the most unpleasant sights in Spain’s grounds this season was a group of Osasuna fans trampling over children to get into a scrap with a father and his two kids for bringing out a Real Madrid banner during last weekend’s visit of the league leaders. With the images being widely broadcast on TV and on t’interweb, Osasuna was forced to take action and have announced that four of the five aggressors have been found and could well be facing fines and very lengthy stadium bans due to the severity of their astonishingly cowardly actions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (9th) v Real Sociedad (14th) - 18.00
The pauper-like Pericos have had to sell part of the rights to three of their footballers to raise €2.3m to make ends meet until the end of the season. Bits of Héctor Moreno, Álvaro Vásquez and either Javi Márquez or Jordi Amat have been flogged off to an English investment organisation, Doye Group. “This situation is not the most convenient for any coach or any team,” admitted Mauricio Pochettino. “We are used to getting by like this and I have an absolute resignation about what is happening.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (18th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
Saturday sees a huge test for Manolo Jiménez and his Zaragoza side, who are up to their eyeballs in self confidence at the moment after three wins in a row. In an interview with El País this week, the Zaragoza boss talked about what he had been doing to put lead in the players’ pencils and restore some fighting spirit.
“Everything is now a competition (in training) and everything has a reward like being freed from picking up all the equipment for the winner or having to buy the group some snacks for the loser. It also serves to work on their competitiveness and to lose the fear of winning and then failing, two needs when I took over the group.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (15th) v Villarreal (17th) - 22.00
The latest player to be on the end of LLL’s simpering man crush - no-one will ever beat Fabio Cannavaro, mind - is delicious footballing dish, Roque Santa Cruz, who is currently on loan to Betis from Manchester City, not that anyone really remembers considering the forward has only managed six league goals.
Betis are still keen to keep the pretty-mouthed poacher though and have begun talks to take him on board permanently. “We have spoken about the economic aspects but City have a lot to say and in England clubs don’t negotiate until the end of the season,” revealed sultry Santa-Cruz.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Levante (5th) v Atlético Madrid (7th) - 12.00
It’s a tricky time for Levante striker, Koné, at the moment. The forward who is on loan from Sevilla would clearly like to score enough goals to push his team into the European places, a new target for the club revealed Levante president, Quico Catalan, during the week. However, should Koné score 18 this season, then the footballer’s contract with his holding club renews, something the Ivorian is not so keen on. Koné currently has 13 strikes in all competitions so the Levante forward may not be quite so prolific in the team’s remaining eight matches.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Mallorca (13th) v Granada (16th) - 16.00
Bored of a Thursday morning, LLL was having a look at each Primera club's top scorer and trying to judge who was the most important to their side. The blog was not completely to surprised that Granada had the second worst ‘top scorer’ in the division, with Guilherme Siqueira managing just six goals for the team.
But then the blog realised that this is a tally from a fullback in a struggling side, so it's little surprise to read that Granada’s owner is looking to flog the Brazilian defender this summer, potentially to a side the size of Barcelona. “Siqueira is a fantastic fullback and you have to watch him very closely,” said Pep Guardiola before their recent league clash on a possible new player for the campaign to come.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (11th) v Sevilla (8th) - 18.00
This may make no sense to any non-Spanish speakers here, but you’ll get the vibe. While Athletic manager, Marcelo Bielsa, is much-admired in Spain for his work with the Basque club, there is the sense the Argentinean is both boring and barmy at the same time. Here’s a clip of Pep Guardiola dreading simply asking “how are you?” to the Athletic boss because of the somewhat lengthy response to such a philosophical poser.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Valencia (3rd) - 21.30
José Mourinho is nothing if not a fairly fascinating character whose brain will be well worth dissecting one day (hopefully after a long, healthy, happy life). In an interview with Italian paper, Corriere della Sera, the Madrid manager revealed that he needs a bit of antagonism in the air to help stay fresh and alert - something that explains an awful lot of his dubious behaviour over past seasons.
“Adrenaline is something the body needs. And to avoid relaxing I prefer to feel a bit of the noise from my (football) enemies,” says Mourinho who also spoke about his ambitions in the game which is to win the Champions League with three different teams and manage Portugal to a title in the future.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Málaga (4th) v Racing Santander (19th) - 21.00
Having their match stuck on a Monday night, sees Málaga having to kick themselves repeatedly for nine days since last weekend’s home defeat to Betis, a game where scores of chances were missed. A lot of them were done so by Salomón Rondón, a footballer who sounds like he’s very hard on himself indeed, if an interview with AS is anything to go by.
“I’ve watched the game, I’ve seen it, analysed it,” admitted the forward. “My final touch is failing me at the moment,” noted Rondón on where his finishing prowess could be improved. “I start off well, beating the defenders for pace or in the air but my last touch is the one that’s causing me problems. I get the advantage but I don’t finish things well.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barça battle through as Mourinho rubbishes rumours

Tim Stannard — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 10:14:00 GMT

Whenever supporters of Real Madrid and Barcelona whine, bleat and stomp their feet about how they are so, so, so hard done by when it comes to referees, La Liga Loca always reminds such complainants of the notion of 'swings and roundabouts' in football and how everything tends to even itself up at the end of the season.

Of course, this largely falls of deaf ears, with the same supporters wandering off muttering “Villarato” and “Anti-Villarato” under their breaths.

But the philosophy came into play in Barcelona’s double header with AC Milan. Alexis Sanchez was denied a decent penalty shout in the first leg, but the Catalan club got a favourable decision in the second. Alessandro Nesta’s naughty tug on Sergio Busquets, a player who doesn’t need much encouragement to go to ground, was spotted by the referee, who (eventually) pointed to the spot.

The happy-go-lucky Zlatan Ibrahimovic was not impressed. “I now know what Mourinho meant about coming to the Camp Nou” the Swede grumbled. Meanwhile, the Madrid manager’s ‘spokesman’ Eladio Paramés tweeted “after the first 45 minutes we now know who is going to win the Champions League.”

LLL says simply "them’s the breaks."

Barça were the better side over the two matches and will now feature in their fifth Champions League semi-final in a row, a feat that has Sport tickled pink, with the paper declaring Pep’s Dream Boys “King of the Champions”.

“Barcelona are officially the best team of the 21st century. Three titles and five consecutive semi-finals show this,” boasts Lluís Mascaró, who is already looking forward to a Clásico-themed final and what could be a major, major back pedal should Barcelona eventually come out second best. “The winner of this ‘mother of all finals’ would be the ‘champion of champions’. The loser would suffer a difficult to overcome sporting and psychological reverse.”

The may be a distinct lack of similar tension in Wednesday night’s Champions League clash between Real Madrid and APOEL, with the Spanish side 3-0 up from the first leg and hosting their Cypriot rivals in the Santiago Bernabeu, where the home team only tend to lose to sides rhyming with ‘Carcelona’.

So, plenty of opportunity for mischief, especially from AS, who have this week been peddling the story that Kun Agüero will be coming to Real Madrid over the summer, with Gonzalo Higuaín and €10 million going to Manchester City, where the former Rojiblanco player is reportedly not happy.

When probed on this possible move, José Mourinho poo-pooed it completely, claiming it was a false story and that “if I comment on false front pages (all the time) then nothing will get done.”

There is a hanging-in-the-balance theme to the three la Liga teams in action in the Europa League on Thursday. Atlético Madrid are heading to Germany to take on Hannover in a clash where a slender 2-1 advantage is held by the ‘Hombres!’ of Diego Simeone.

Valencia are on the brink of oblivion, with poor Unai Emery facing a game in an angry Mestalla against AZ Alkmaar, who have a 2-1 lead from the first leg. Meanwhile, European heroes Athletic Bilbao will be defending a 4-2 advantage in San Mamés against Schalke, with Marca predicting a giant tribute from the home fans for the former Real Madrid man, Raúl. LLL has a feeling that this may be a dream that won’t be coming true.

Fear of failure spooking Camp Nou collective ahead of Milan showdown

Tim Stannard — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 09:51:00 GMT

A small gesture can speak about 500 words in Spanish. Handily, that’s about the length of a typical column/rant/stream of consciousness from one of the millions of pundits churning out footballing bits and pieces in the daily papers.

When Cristiano Ronaldo scored his wonder-thwack against Osasuna on Saturday and revealed a shapely thigh, it was enough to send Josep María Casanovas off the edge, with the Sport writer claiming on Monday that this was yet more evidence of the moral superiority of Leo Messi over what he considers to be a comparitively vulgar Portuguese prole. “He couldn’t think of any other celebration than to lift up his shorts leg, show off the muscle and tell his team-mates: ‘what a great leg I have, it’s a cannon’”.

In actual fact, Ronaldo was making a private joke with Madrid’s back-up keeper Antonio Adán, who had mocked the forward for only working on his upper body in the gym, but why let a wee fact get in the way of another body blow in the endless Clásico wars.

This led LLL to think that surely the culé crazies had bigger fish to fry this week, and sure enough by Tuesday morning Casanovas was finally focussed on a matter considerably more important than Ronaldo’s manly thighs - AC Milan coming to the Camp Nou in the second leg of their Champions League semi-final.

The writer continues a theme in the Catalan capital ahead of the game, that the Milan meeting is a final that isn’t a final but in actual fact is a final. “It’s the most important match of the season. Spectacle won’t be enough, no other result that a win for Barça will do.” The paper is once again calling for the fans to play their part in the match - usually a definite sign of panic - by clapping occasionally and making making the odd whoop of encouragement. “With this support, with this team, today we’ll go to the semis!” yells the cheerleading front cover.

There are few outward signs of nerves, with Francesc Aguilar over at Mundo Deportivo getting rather excited about a “night of champions, superstars, some of those of Barça who are the best in the world and will want to confirm this.”

This bravado designed to ease the bone-clattering of the culé collective expresses genuine nail-biting stress that this is a clash where Barcelona may not win out and that it will be the dastardly Italians and their defensive ways going through to the semi-finals.

Although the 2-2 draw at the Camp Nou in the group stages was a bit of a flukey one for Milan, there are fears another smash and grab is possible, especially with Barcelona failing to score in San Siro last Wednesday. Pep Guardiola certainly feels that way, admitting that he is not afraid of an away goal because he knows it is going to happen.

“I have the feeling that they are going to score, so this doesn’t worry me,” claimed the Barcelona boss at Monday’s press conference. Carles Puyol peered out from behind his perm to also speak about the final nature of the non-final. “The match is a final in the sense that only a victory is enough.”

The return of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, an ability to defend well by the Swede’s teammates, a decent attack and a spotty record for Leo Messi against Italian teams sees a tense night to come in the Camp Nou for Barcelona, but one in which LLL feels Barcelona will eventually prevail.

Good Day, Bad Day: A Terrific Trio, Delightful Diego & Zaragoza in the Zone

Tim Stannard — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:47:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
La Liga Loca will happily put its neck on the line and say Madrid's 5-1 victory at Osasuna was the best 90 minute league display for Real Madrid this season. It was a game in which the blog genuinely expected the league leaders to struggle, having lost on the same ground last season and failed to secure victory in Pamplona over the past three trips. But as soon as an absolute stormer of a volley from Karim Benzema put Madrid into the lead after six minutes, that was that. Curtains drawn, slippers on, with an ITV costume drama on the television, and a plateful of crumpets to munch on for the rest of the game.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Karim Benzema & Gonzalo Higuaín
This terrific trio have now scored 99 goals for Real Madrid between them this season. Ronaldo has managed a handy 47, Benzema is on 28 with Higuaín throwing in 24 for the cause. There could be a lot more to come with 12 games potentially left in all competitions.

Barcelona
The Catalan club were in a tough spot on Saturday. Athletic had rested five first-team players from the starting line-up and had only finished playing their previous game 47 hours before, so expectations were that the visitors would be easy pickings for the Camp Nou club.
But as many teams are finding out, Marcelo Bielsa is no mug, and although the team is clearly tired, Athletic are more than capable of making life difficult for opponents if they are in a mood to defend, defend, defend. However, Barça kept plugging away in a match when it might have been very easy to have become frustrated and more than a little panicked.

Levante
The European football dream - or curse, perhaps - lives on for Levante after a hugely-impressive 1-1 draw in Mestalla against Valencia. Levante are currently in fifth with a nice four point cushion over Atlético Madrid in seventh. And we all know how reliable the Rojiblancos can be when the pressure’s on.

Atlético Madrid
Although the back four looked a little wobbly from time to time during the first half, Sunday’s midday victory over Getafe by a 3-0 margin was an extremely comfortable one for the Rojiblancos. The effort displayed by the home side only probably reached the four out of ten mark on Diego Simeone’s “Hombres! Courage! Fight! Passion!” scale.

Diego
Perhaps the player the blog is enjoying watching the most this season. Atlético are a completely different team with the brilliant, play-making Brazilian in the line-up.

Real Sociedad
Philippe Montanier received some criticism around local parts for allowing his players a beer or two to forget last weekend’s 5-1 defeat to Real Madrid. Looks like some apologies are due to the Frenchman after a sparkling 4-0 win over Rayo on Sunday night.

Carlos Vela
An eternal promise of world football who is now finally starting to deliver. The Mexican’s solo effort from the halfway line topped off what has been a solid spell for the 23-year-old. He has already grabbed five goals in 2012.

Pepe Mel
Poor Pepe Mel’s existence at Betis consists of pressure building, building, building before a victory and a footballing trump of relief so powerful it could blow the seats of the club’s stadium into the river. Betis had gone six matches without a win and badly needed Saturday’s rather fortunate victory against Málaga, during which Lady Luck was nuzzled on their shoulders for once, with Betis happily looking down her top. “We didn’t deserve to win but last Sunday we could have put four past Racing,” said Mel recalling last weekend’s disappointing draw.

Granada
The Andalusian newbies have moved from LLL’s ‘if Racing/Sporting/Zaragoza don’t go down, then this lot are definitely doomed’ into ‘they might actually stay up through pulling themselves up by their own boot straps rather than other teams being worse’. Granada are now in cluster with the likes of Betis and Villarreal and giving themselves every chance of staying up after beating Racing on Saturday with a last minute penalty.

Zaragoza
Yikes a’larky! They’ve only gone and done it again. Yet another late effort for Zaragoza against Sporting - the kind seen against Villarreal, Osasuna and Atlético Madrid - lifts the Aragonese team off the bottom of the table for the first time in nearly four months and continues to give Zaragoza the tiniest sniff of a chance of staying up, with the side now on 28 points with eight games left. Next week’s home clash against Barcelona could be a most intriguing one, to say the least.

Bad Day

Unai Emery
Things are not looking too good in the Unai camp, somewhere LLL often likes to reside. The local derby in Mestalla that Valencia really, really, really had to win ended up being a draw and was very close to being a defeat in the final few minutes. Emery’s side have now gone four games at home without a win in the league. However, times might even be getting tougher for the Valencia boss with a Europa League clash due on Thursday - the Spanish side 2-1 down to AZ Alkmaar - and a visit to the Bernabeu on Sunday.

Málaga
After five wins from the past six games the footballing laws of nature temporarily dropped a piano on Málaga’s hopes of sneaking into third place with a 2-0 home defeat to Betis, who only had a couple of shots on goal in comparison to Málaga who had loads and loads. “The ball didn’t want to go in,” was the lament from Manuel Pellegrini after the clash.

Rayo Vallecano
Just two more wins needed for the Vallecas team to stay up, but three defeats in a row - the last of that string being a 4-0 loss at Real Sociedad - suggests that the team is running out of gas and perhaps missing the fear factor of relegation needed to get those final victories.

Villarreal
A goalless draw against Espanyol for the side lead by Miguel Angel Lotina. Swap the word ‘Villarreal’ for ‘Deportivo’ and it’s 2011 all over again for a manager caught in another relegation scrap and who will have to be keeping a beady eye on Zaragoza for the rest of the season.

Racing
A home defeat to Granada in front of despondent supporters now sees Racing as full-on, brrraaaaains-seeking, intestine-missing, flesh shredding walking dead, wandering around in every decreasing circles before am inevitable bludgeon to the skull with a crow bar called la Segunda. “I’m not desperate, but concerned about finding solutions,” admitted Racing coach, Álvaro Cervera.

Sporting
Javier Clemente sounded most unhappy after Sporting’s home defeat to Zaragoza, a direct rival for relegation. And when the Sporting boss isn’t boasting, bragging or talking absolute tosh then that’s normally very bad news for the supporters of the team he’s coaching at the time. Clemente said that while the team works hard, is willing and gives everything, what skills they possess in the first place may not be enough to stay in la Primera.

*Hot news update! On Sunday, Clemente rowed with a journalist who eventually walked out due to things getting more than a little nasty between the pair when the Sporting boss told him he was going to tell his son that he’s a “disgrace”. Normal service resumed for the Sporting boss.

Doing the can-can, Madrid’s party poopers & Athletic’s disadvantage

Tim Stannard — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 12:57:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Racing (18th) v Granada (17th) – 18.00 local time
A match between relegation rivals is almost certainly going to see the dreaded ‘final’ tag being used one or two times this weekend. But this clash and a fight for survival is something that Granada are more than ready for, according to owner, president and hair-gel king Quique Pina: “We’ve spent two years constantly playing big games. The city knows how to do this as it was so hard to get into the Primera – and now we have to fight to make sure we don’t lose what we have.”
LLL Prediction – Draw

Sporting (19th) v Zaragoza (20th) – 18.00
When Manolo Jiménez took over Zaragoza in December, he who is reportedly in possession of large... er... courage parts confidently predicted that his team would stay up this season – but said that only one pundit in 10 would agree with him. A few wins down the road, 25 points in the bag and six more victories to go until what should be a safe points total sees Jiménez in even more confident form. “I reckon that five out of 10 think we will save ourselves,” claimed the Zaragoza boss to Marca, this week.

Jiménez was asked what forfeit he would perform if Zaragoza did stay up. After some pondering, he decided that “I see myself dressed up in local costume, cycling around the Plaza del Pilar or trying to dance a jota [an odd, can-can-style dance].” Worth cheering on the Aragonese outfit until the end of the season, just to witness all that.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Osasuna (6th) v Real Madrid (1st) – 20.00
X-Men superjet flight to Pamplona? Check. Comfy bus to move the players about town? Check. Luxury hotel to make sure the Madrid squad is ready for Saturday’s tough-tackling, long-ball dominated clash against Osasuna? Check. Ten thousand students having an 18-hour boozy street party kicking off on Friday morning 400 metres from the Real Madrid hotel? Probably not ‘check’, but that’s what José Mourinho’s men are facing this weekend in what could be a very sleepless spell up in beautiful Navarre.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Barcelona (2nd) v Athletic Bilbao (11th) – 22.00
If Barcelona think they are being treated harshly by the slings and arrows of referees and evil conspiracies from various national and supranational federations then pity poor Athletic Bilbao, who are having to play their Camp Nou clash 47 hours after the end of Thursday’s magnificent 4-2 over Schalke.

And the reason why? They don’t have a whole army of newspapers, radio and TV stations to do their moaning on the club’s behalf and to make sure poor bunnies Barcelona have enough rest time for their Champions League game against Milan.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Málaga (4th) v Betis (15th) – 22.00
Although Betis are seven points clear of the relegation zone, which is not that bad really, there has been some murmurings over the future of manager Pepe Mel – as indeed there have been all season.However, level-headed club president Miguel Guillén – far too sensible to have a future in the game in Spain, and especially in Andalusia – came together with Mel to take part in a local radio station interview as a show of unity.

“The biggest impact is always to sack the coach,” admitted the knowing Betis manager, whose team are currently without a victory in six. “Now’s not the time to go mad,” soothed his boss. “The confidence in the coach is total.” Beautiful really.
LLL Prediction – Home win

SUNDAY

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Getafe (10th) – 12.00
Another victory in the Europa League – a 2-1 win over Hannover – wasn’t the big news ahead of Sunday’s clash. Instead it’s the remarkable boast / promise / lunatic episode in AS that claims that nearly a thousand Getafe fans will be making the trip to the Vicente Calderón for the midday clash. Crazy talk. Sheer crazy talk.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Valencia (3rd) v Levante (5th) – 18.00
Two league defeats in a row and a now a 2-1 loss at AZ Alkmaar means these are golden days for those Valencia fans who love a moan during a game. Sunday's Mestalla match-up against local rivals Levante gives plenty of opportunity for some apple-squeezing boo-age, especially if their little brothers win and go level on points. Should Valencia ruin the fun by winning, the hankie-waving may have to wait for next Thursday if Valencia can't turn it round against their Dutch visitors.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Sociedad (14th) v Rayo Vallecano (12th) – 21.30
Apparently, there was some criticism around San Sebastian that some Real Sociedad players went out after last Saturday’s loss to Real Madrid and dared to try and enjoy themselves, a mere seven days before their next clash. The footballers should, of course, have been sitting in a corner thinking very hard about their performances against a couple of strikers who cost about €120m.

Real Sociedad manager Philippe Montanier also thinks that such criticism is tosh and tish – and told the media so when asked to share his thoughts on the Saturday night outing. “It was good to disconnect,” opined the Frenchman. “If you go home and go to bed you constantly think about what happened and it’s much worse. Better to have a beer together, try and work through the defeat, disconnect and recover mentally.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Villarreal (16th) v Espanyol (7th) – 21.30
When Lord of Doom Miguel Angel Lotina was appointed as the boss of Villarreal last week, Bernd Schuster compared the forlorn, brooding figure to Alatriste, a rather maudlin Spanish literary figure. Lotina hasn’t taken to this at all well, although he claims that “it didn’t bother me: he says I’m sad but he doesn’t know me.”

However, the Villarreal boss did admit that “what my friends or family think worries me. The idea that people have when they see things on TV often isn’t real. I don’t know Schuster but he doesn’t seem very nice.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

MONDAY

Sevilla (9th) v Mallorca (13th) – 21.00
Despite a few sticky patches here and there – but that’s the manager’s own business – Míchel is beginning to have some success at Sevilla. Well, a couple of victories against relegation battlers anyway, but that’s what constitutes success for Sevilla in these somewhat barren times for the Andalusian club.

Míchel was chatting this week about his immediate future and said that it would be better for all perhaps if the uncertainty persists over whether he will be on the bench next season. “It wouldn't be good for me if the president said ‘Hey Míchel, next year you’ll be here whatever happens’. The team needs to keep up this tension – and the other one who needs to keep this is the coach.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Messi’s Milan malaise, Mourinho’s laughing fit & Atlético’s man-hunt

Tim Stannard — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:04:00 GMT

Admiration for a defensive job well done, sulking about an attack that failed to break through and a touch of referee-moaning thrown into the mix. That was the Barcelona press reaction to Wednesday night's goalless draw in Milan, which leaves next week’s second leg curiously poised, like David Silva standing on one leg in Trafalgar Square dressed as Hilda Ogden.

"Ooh Stan…"

Mundo Deportivo's Santi Nolla grumbled that it was “objective unfulfilled, everything open but a good chance for Barça to go through to the semis – although Milan did give enough evidence to make his players aware it won’t be easy.”

Sport set aside a bit of space for an unnecessary and mean-spirited dig at Swedish referee, Jonas Eriksson, for failing to give a penalty for Christian Abbiati’s challenge on Alexis, noting rather unfairly that the man in the middle happened to be a compatriot of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, say no more, nothing to see here.

It was a moment that La Liga Loca enjoyed watching on Telemadrid – the somewhat partisan channel broadcasting Wednesday's match to viewers in the capital – whose commentators and pundits were forced to instantly come up with numerous reasons why it was a brilliant decision from Eriksson, a posture that would have been completely reversed had Cristiano Ronaldo been involved instead.

Clean as a freshly-valeted whistle

Rather remarkably considering the forward’s form of late, Ronaldo failed to score for Real Madrid against APOEL on Tuesday night in a 3-0 scoreline that may look like a goalfest to those lucky enough to have missed it, but was an awful drudge of a game between one team that parked every bus in Cyprus in front of their goal and another that was doing the equivalent of a yawn and belly scratch for much of the encounter before Marcelo and Kaká livened things up with half-an-hour to go.

A fine result that leaves Madrid with both feet in the semi-finals was greeted with some cheer in the Capital City media – but for some reason it got Barcelona-based Sport writer Joan Batlle very hot under the collar indeed, calling the Madrid team vulgar during the match.

“The 0-3 barely puts make-up over the reality of the current Madrid," burbled Batlle. "Mou is laughing at Madridistas.” LLL suspects that the supporters are joining in the chuckling, considering the team are top of the Spanish league table with a six-point lead and almost certainly in the Champions League semi-finals for the second successive year.

"Yeah, it's rubbish, this. Mourinho out!"

The European fun isn’t over in Spain, with three teams having a big night out in Thursday's Europa League action. Atlético Madrid are taking on Hannover 96 at the Vicente Calderón, another chance for Diego Simeone to summon the spirit of Ernest Hemingway and do the managerial equivalent of stripping off his shirt to thump his chest. “It’s the best time to find out who the men are,” roared the Atlético coach, leaping up onto his desk, “and the players have to turn up in times like this.”

No such fist-pumping rhetoric from Valencia's Unai Emery, who is in Holland to take on AZ Alkmaar and has probably given up trying to get any kind of reaction from his players. A tired and exhausted Athletic Bilbao have made a tiring and exhausting trip to Germany to play Raúl’s Schalke in what will no doubt be a tiring and exhausting match. Good job the Basque team's next game is only on Saturday night at Barcelona, eh?

House-training Mourinho stays silent about the silence

Tim Stannard — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:23:00 GMT

For about 10 minutes every day, La Liga Loca gets to be José Mourinho. Well, the José Mourinho of 10 minutes or so during Madrid’s Champions League press conference ahead of Tuesday's game against APOEL Nicosia.

LLL is currently teaching a puppy not to bark or reach up desperately with a paw when the blog is trying to eat its din-dins. If puppy follows the rules, toes the line, plays it square then she is rewarded with a tiny tit-bit. Sometimes.

The look on the blog’s face during this daily spell is both very, very serious, of course, but with the hint of a cheeky grin about to break out because of the whole amusing nature of the situation and the wonderful, exhilarating feeling of power.

That was exactly the look the Madrid manager sported during Monday’s media scrum. The Spanish contingent were sat before him, knowing that if they did the equivalent of a dog bark during dinner and asked anything about referees, transfer rumours, his future – anything tasty and scrumptious, basically – then nothing would be thrown from Mourinho’s plate. Behave, curb their natural yapping natures, and maybe their treat-dispensing target would throw them a morsel.

But, as ever, one or two couldn’t help themselves and asked Mourinho about the story of Ronaldo being sold to Chelsea, who was responsible for the club’s media silence and whether he felt Real Madrid were being persecuted. To no avail: all probes were blocked by the club’s media officer with a cry of “Champions League only!”

Mourinho looked like he was just desperate to break into a giant grin at the Spanish media’s pain and anguish at those moments when self-control was lost, although Marca interpreted the whole situation as being tense rather than being enjoyable for the Madrid boss.

The only tasty treat thrown out by Mourinho was the statement that he wasn’t behind the idea of the media silence that began after Wednesday’s Villarreal clash and continued before and after Saturday’s victory over Real Sociedad that saw neither coach nor players talking to the media.

"Hang on, we can't BOTH be ventriloquists…"

The fun part was that Mourinho was contradicting what Director of Institutional Relations Emilio Butragueño had said the day before when revealing that “it was a stance from the technical team and dressing room that we respect, and was taken with the wise idea of avoiding building up more tension.”

For the rest of the conference, Mourinho was sweetness and light in praising APOEL and the opposition coach – until a journalist asked Sami Khedira if the footballers would be allowed to speak to the media after the match. At this point, Mourinho got up to leave, the German midfielder said that he was “sorry, I’m only a footballer, I just play” and followed his boss out the door.

It looks like there's still an awful lot of house training to be done at Real Madrid. But one man, for one, is enjoying the experience.

Good Day, Bad Day: A defensive Jimmy Saville & La Liga's Niles and Frasier Crane

Tim Stannard — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 10:59:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
By refusing to speak to the media, José Mourinho and his players are - a) sulking, or b) standing up for their right to protest against evil refereeing injustice, it all depends on the cut of your duvet. As it turns out, this radio silence is actually quite pleasant and peaceful, but it does mean nobody really knows what they all think about Saturday’s 5-1 win over Real Sociedad.
All LLL can add is that there was a physical sense of release - no, not that type - from the 82,000 or so Madrid fans in the stadium after back-to-back draws had seen the capital city club losing a chunk of their advantage over Barça. Once again it was BAU for Madrid - chances were being created and put away with some aplomb by Ronaldo, Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuaín, with the Frenchman’s lob being the pick of the bunch.

Leo Messi & Cristiano Ronaldo
Another couple of games and another couple of records for the Frasier and Niles Crane of la Liga. Or should it be Cliff and Norm? Either way, Messi’s opener for Barcelona against Mallorca saw the Argentine break the original Ronaldo’s club record of 34 league goals in a season.
Meanwhile, the Real Madrid man’s double meant the Portuguese became the quickest player to score a century of goals in la Liga - 101 in 92 games - and sees an astonishing record of 131 official goals in 131 official games. Which is roughly a goal a game, by LLL’s reckoning.

Barcelona
Things got a little bit tingly there for a while with Pep’s Dream Boys down to ten men and hanging on to a 1-0 lead. The old Barcelona away form had returned, with the side looking more than a little lost in the Balearics. But Gerard Piqué undid some of the damage he has done at the back this season with a goal up the other end, poking home a shot from Messi that came back off the post. “Nobody can stop Barça!” boasts Sport’s front cover quiet incorrectly, considering the team are second in the table, six points off the top.

Manuel Pellegrini
Málaga aren’t just strong favourites for fourth place as they were a week ago, but perhaps now the hot tips for third, with Valencia having stalled completely. Should José Mourinho leave the Santiago Bernabeu this summer, then Florentino Pérez might want to look at the promising young buck at the helm of the club who is delivering this success under enormous fan and media pressure...

Osasuna
Another team who have beaten their target of 42 points for survival with a victory against Levante. “Permanency was our first challenge. Now we’ll go on from match to match and nothing more,” promised coach, José Luis Mendilibar. That first game happens to be the visit of Real Madrid to Pamplona, a game LLL suspects the home fans and players are going to relish somewhat.

Getafe
Like a stealth-shielded football machine that no one much cares about, Getafe have moved themselves onto 39 points without anyone really noticing, apart from an alert Russian radar operator in Siberia who reported the blip to his superiors. The club’s third win from Getafe’s last four games was Saturday’s rather surprising 3-1 victory over Valencia in the Coliseum.

Zaragoza
Hat’s off to Zaragoza and Manolo Jiménez. A second win in a week for the bottom side, this time against the ever generous Atlético Madrid. But as the Zaragoza coach noted, “we’ve still got a foot and a half in the Segunda,” with his side in possession of just 25 points, the same as Racing and Sporting with all three teams looking doomed this year.

Bad Day

Valencia
Third-placed Valencia are on the brink of becoming fourth-placed Valencia after their defeat to Getafe, combined with Málaga’s continuing rise saw the Southern side move level on points with the Mestalla men. It seems Valencia spent far too much time in their comfort zone watching the melee beneath them, thinking they would never be caught up in it. Just three league victories in 2012 sees Valencia being given a huge boot in the bum that the players are going to have to react to before the supporters all find out where they life and turn up at their homes with pitchforks.

Levante
The 2-0 defeat at home to Osasuna sounds like the kind of result to be expected once Levante had reached their survival mark, which they did in midweek. But it was only down to some fantastic goalkeeping from visiting goalkeeper Andrés that stopped Levante winning this one and going equal on points with Valencia, something that must be a huge incentive in the final run-in in la Liga for Levante.

Espanyol
Espanyol’s fancy dream of being a big European player has seen referee-itis spreading to Cornella, where Paul from Barcelona is in feverish mood, blaming the man in the middle for Sunday’s 2-1 defeat to Málaga. Take it away!
“A two footed lunge from behind, with the sole intention of bringing down the player is a red card in the 20th minute, 50th minute etc. Then why isn't it in the first minute? A foul is a foul, right?
Goalie who has just replaced an injured keeper handles outside the area to stop a player from having a shot. Red card or not?
One for you gamblers. What are the odds of there being no offside decisions in the first half then the same assistant signaling 90% of all forward passes offside in the second half ?
In basketball, basically you can push an opponent and the foul goes your way. When was this introduced in football?
It seems oil money can buy more than just good players. Welcome to the New Order. Real, Barça and Valencia have a new member of the top four clubs who seem to be loved by the referees, while every other team continues to get it from a great height.”
Paul, Barcelona

Diego Simeone
“Courage! Effort! Courage! Effort! LLL is going to interrupt the Atlético Madrid manager’s usual spiel with an observation made to the blog by Garreth Nunn of madridatleticos.com, who quite correctly asks what would have happened if Gregorio Manzano had been in charge of a side that lost at Zaragoza in the final ten seconds of injury time thanks to a defender giving away a completely pointless, ludicrous penalty.

Rayo Vallecano
Something wasn’t quite right in Vallecas from the start of the match against Villarreal. The atmosphere lacked the usual spark, the fans lacked that tiny bit of extra commitment and passion. In the first half, this was mirrored by the footballers who were a little slack but who put in the yards in the second and deserved more from the efforts than a 2-0 defeat.

Athletic Bilbao
Ouch. Numerous chances created against Sporting on Sunday afternoon and all wasted bar one, a great effort Oscar de Marcos. “We should have won by three or four goals,” observed Marcelo Bielsa. “Sporting attacked once and got a point.” Athletic now without a win in four games and are slipping away from the European places, never mind the Champions League.

Philippe Montanier
The Real Sociedad boss has received some rather stroppy criticism from the direction of AS whose correspondent, Aritz Gabilondo, who was upset with the visitors’ game plan to play five at the back and perhaps frustrate a nervous, previously out-of-form Real Madrid. The players have “never been such a slave to their manager,” fumed the AS man. “(Montanier) should be sacked for this. Today. Without a minute more of red-faced shame.”

Betis
The Seville side are having a rough old time of it at the moment, although still seven points from the relegation badlands. Betis blew a win in the final seconds midweek against Espanyol at home and dropped yet more points this time hosting struggling Racing, who scored with 12 minutes to go. Betis now without a victory in six.

Miguel Angel Lotina
A yellow and blue shell suit? Really? The Villarreal boss looked like a defensive Jimmy Saville...

Missing out Madrid, spa life for Levante, Málaga on a mission

Tim Stannard — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:18:00 GMT

When is a run-of-the-mill 1-1 draw away from home not a run-of-the-mill 1-1 draw away from home? When Real Madrid are involved, that’s when.

A referee evidently not especially fond of backchat, along with some inadvisable gestures and comments from members of Real Madrid’s coaching team and players saw about 29 red cards dished out to the capital city club during Wednesday’s clash in El Madrigal, and a whole host of conspiracy cries from the local Madrid press. Just for a change.

However, seeing as no-one from Real Madrid spoke about the kerfuffle after the match, and no-one will be speaking about it ahead of the Real Sociedad clash on Saturday, La Liga Loca will gloss over the matter and instead discuss more deserving subjects such as Levante, the chase for fourth place in Liga and a big away win for Mallorca.

Aside from Real Madrid, Wednesday night’s other big losers were Athletic Bilbao, Sporting and Valencia. The Mestalla men were probably the pick of the bunch though, having lost 2-1 to bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza in what was a truly disastrous result for Unai Emery, whose spell at at the east coast club really looks like having come to an end. The Valencia manager was once again booed from the field by handkerchief-waving fans, but was still a particularly positive porpoise about the future. “The handkerchieves will be returned back to their bags, I believe in the team and there are solutions,” promised Emery after the game.

Valencia’s neighbours Levante managed to move within three points of their big brothers after a tremendous 3-1 win over Real Sociedad, the team’s fourth victory in five matches. To celebrate hitting what they still considered their survival target, with Levante now on 42 points, the players were taken on a relaxing spa day involving tennis. Probably a far cry from what the hard-working footballers were really hoping for.

Sporting had an awful result, with a 3-2 home defeat to relegation rivals Mallorca, who are starting to do rather well under Joaquín Caparrós. The result leaves Sporting four points from safety and there must be concerns that the club’s dithering defence will spell the end of the team’s Primera tenure, which would be a great shame.

“We are conceding sloppy goals, there needs to be greater forcefulness at the back,” complained Clemente whose spell at the club so far seems to consist of all talk and no results-driven trousers.

Athletic Bilbao appear to have completely run out of energy and legs and suffered their third defeat in a row at Atlético Madrid. However, Marcelo Bielsa, was not going to use that or referees as excuse for the dropped points - LLL coughs ‘ are you listening José Mourinho’ - and instead blames himself for the defeat. “I feel especially responsible due to the decisions I took which did not modify nor fix what needed to be corrected.”

The three matches on Thursday saw Sevilla pull out of a bit of a nosedive with a 3-0 away win at Racing Santander, Betis drawing 1-1 with Espanyol, whilst Málaga continued with what is looking like a successful push for a Champions League spot with a 4-2 win over Rayo to leave the side with four victories from the team’s last five games.

Messi’s moment, Unai’s adios and Atlético’s Intertoto adventure

Tim Stannard — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 13:37:00 GMT

The moment Lionel Messi and his supporters had long been waiting for finally arrived on Tuesday evening. But for those paid good money and under threat of the sack unless gushing things are written about him, it was probably a match they had been dreading for some time. How do you raise the already justifiably stratospheric level of praise into something beyond the outer reaches of our galaxy?

A quick rejig of the Barça history books meant that little Leo only had to score one goal on Tuesday night to become the joint-highest goal scorer in the club’s history. along with Julio César. Two strikes meant the honour would be his alone. Naturally the Barcelona forward banged in another hat-trick, just to make sure, in a mad-as-a-loony-lizard 5-3 win over Granada.

Messi’s 234 goals at the age of just 24 makes the Argentinean “the greatest scorer in history,” yelled Sport’s front cover.

“It’s Messi who puts the gold into the club’s colours with goals, records, hard work, assists and playing football like he was in the school play ground. He’s the number one,” writes a tearful Santi Nolla.

But it's a busy Wednesday in a snowy Madrid, and LLL doesn’t have time for such sentimentality, so it’s a swift handshake and pat on the head for Messi, before we move on to more pressing matters. Among them is Tuesday's goalless draw between Osasuna and Getafe, with the home side firmly in the “plopping themselves at the thought of actually getting fourth place” club, dropping two easy points.

Real Madrid will be looking to restore their eight-point lead at the top of the table by beating Villarreal. That in itself may not be much of a challenge, but to do so the side will have stay awake against a team now lead by the notoriously dull, seven-man-defence-loving Miguel-Angel Lotina. To prepare themselves for this taxing task, the club exposed themselves to a press conference by assitant manager Aitor Karanka, enough to send one’s eyeballs permanently to the back of one’s skull.

Atlético Madrid will take on Athletic Bilbao in what is set to be a chilly Vicente Calderón, with both team's looking to succeed where Osasuna failed in not allowing Málaga or Levante a free run at the final Champions League spot. “We have to be strong and know what we are playing for,” said Diego Simeone, who apparently hasn’t been told the Intertoto Cup has been scrapped.

An unenthused Unai Emery may be that little bit less irritating to his players on the touchline in the clash against Zaragoza. Valencia are facing a team bottom of the table, without a league win in Mestalla for nearly 20 years and, what’s more, the Valencia boss seems to realise that his time is up at the club, with the fans getting their way on forcing Emery out for the simple reason that they appear to be bored with him. “Possibly, I’m not being enigmatic, it’s reality and it could well be,” was the manager’s response when asked if this was his final season with the team.

Sporting have a bit of a humdinger at home to Mallorca, with the side three points from Villarreal and playing a team who can be a tad flakey on their travels. Levante will be looking for that final win to secure safety and an early summer holiday, when they make the trip to Real Sociedad.

Predictions
Atlético Madrid v Athletic Bilbao - Draw
Sporting v Mallorca - Home win
Real Sociedad v Levante - Home win
Valencia v Zaragoza - Home win
Villarreal v Real Madrid - Away win

Villarreal set to go on the defensive (and dour), but Barça back in business

Tim Stannard — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 11:34:00 GMT

A large, dark shadow has fallen across the land in la Liga. No, Maniche isn’t blocking out the sun again, the Lord of Doom, the King of Crying, the Price of Appalling Football, Miguel Angel Lotina has returned.

Last seen relegating Deportivo last season in abysmal style, Lotina has been appointed as the new coach of Villarreal after Sunday’s sacking of José Molina, who was in turn appointed Villarreal coach after December’s sacking of Juan Carlos Garrido.

The first question on everybody's lips is whether Lotina is going to ruin what few positive aspects are left to Villarreal, a team lying fourth from bottom, three points from the relegation zone. The message from the former Deportivo man is ‘absolutely not, promises, promises’.

“I’m not going to change the philosophy of the team after ten years of great football,” claimed Lotina at his unveiling on Monday. “I’m so happy to be here,” added the new Yellow Submarine Admiral, trying his best to force a smile. “The excitement I have is tremendous.”

AS scribe Javi Mata, for one, is less than convinced the El Madrigal faithful are going to be backing the appointment of Lotina, a coach who makes his Villarreal debut against Real Madrid on Wednesday. “After testing the waters of Villarreal fan reaction, I don’t know whether they’ve signed Lotina or one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

Although a brand new midweek round of two matches - Barça vs Granada and Osasuna vs Getafe - is about to begin, the dust has barely settled on the final fixture of the last round, with Espanyol beating Racing 3-1 on Monday evening to move the Pericos into sixth and leave the side from Santander stuck fast in the relegation zone. “A big week for Espanyol, a point against Betis on Thursday and victory at home to Málaga next Sunday will mark them dow as serious contenders for fourth. Racing will be lucky to avoid the drop. Commitment, yes. Ability, not really,” was the verdict from LLL correspondent, Paul from Barcelona, watching the game in Cornella.

The talk in both the Real Madrid and Barcelona corners of the press is whether or not the league title race is back on. As the answer is "probably not, but hey, no-one really knows. Football is a funny old game," there is much pouring over fixture lists and fretting in Marca and AS over why Madrid didn’t beat Málaga on Sunday. “Is eight points enough?” asks Marca’s concerned front cover on Tuesday.

Pep Guardiola continues to think so, with the Barça coach admitting that “I keep on thinking that it is going to take a lot and we won’t manage it. I still see it as impossible.”

“Pants on fire,” says AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, “He’s not going to convince anyone, let alone the club’s fans.”

Barcelona have the chance to temporarily close the gap at the top of the table to five points against Granada on Tuesday evening - cue giant “FIVE POINTS” headline on front cover of Sport on Wednesday morning.

Eagle-eyed fans will spot Carlos Martins lining up for the opposition, despite the midfielder being sent off on Saturday. However the relevant FA committee which deals with bans and suspensions and what-not did not meet on Monday due to a bank holiday in Madrid. Of course. “It’s details like this, unquestionable, in other countries that put the quality of the league into doubt,” tuts another completely balanced Marca editorial.

LLL Predictions:
Osasuna v Getafe - Home win
Barcelona v Granada - Home win

Good Day, Bad Day: Malaga’s big moment, Messi’s magic & Levante’s longevity

Tim Stannard — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:39:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 17 Mar Granada 2-1 Sporting Gijón; Real Zaragoza 1-1 Osasuna; Getafe 1-0 Real Sociedad; Sevilla 0-2 Barcelona; Rayo Vallecano 3-0 Real Betis Sun 18 Mar Levante 1-0 Villarreal; Mallorca 2-1 Atlético Madrid; Athletic Club 0-3 Valencia; Real Madrid 1-1 Málaga

GOOD DAY
Leo Messi
It may be a bit late for the Catalan club, but Barcelona appear to have recovered from their away-day ditherings with an easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy victory at Sevilla following wins at Atlético Madrid and Racing Santander. Barça’s second goal was another exceptional effort from Leo Messi, who at the age of 24 years and 270 days becomes the youngest footballer to reach 150 la Liga goals. One to watch, thinks the eagle-eyed, talent-spotting LLL.

Roberto Soldado
A much-needed win for Valencia, Unai Emery and especially Roberto Soldado. The men from Mestalla had only won two of the previous 10 league games, with Spain’s latest striking sensation only scoring one goal in that spell. A hat-trick against Athletic will certainly do all three parties good in their respective hunt for third-place security, respite from hostile supporters and a place in Spain’s Euro 2012 squad.

Levante
They just don’t give up, do they? An incredibly late winner from Xavi Torres against Villarreal moves Levante back into fourth spot on 41 points – and just a couple away from survival, which is the repeated mantra about the club’s overriding goal this season. A good result in the midweek round of matches could see Levante’s summer holidays starting very early indeed – if the club doesn’t fancy the extra effort of European football next season.

Málaga
The visitors to the Santiago Bernabeu weren’t much of an attacking threat in the second half of Sunday night’s 1-1 draw with Real Madrid, but that didn’t really matter. Manuel Pellegrini’s men hung on in there, watched the home team miss their chances and pounced when given their own opportunity thanks to a majestic free-kick from Santi Cazorla. Málaga had been waiting all season for a ‘big’ result in la Liga. They’ve just got it.

Rayo Vallecano
Magnificent stuff once again from Rayo, who bounced back from a 5-1 stuffing against Espanyol last Monday with a 3-0 win over Betis, another side who had come up from la Segunda over the summer. Reaching 37 points gives Rayo hope for survival (already, with 11 matches left) and even Europe; of course, José Ramón Sandoval doesn’t want to hear of such talk, although LLL doesn’t believe a word of it from a very ambitious man. “The fans can get excited with everything all they want, but we aren’t going crazy about Europe, because if we do and any game is lost, we don’t want to go overboard about defeats,” claimed the Rayo boss.

Getafe
Back-to-back victories for Luis García’s side - the second of those against Real Sociedad on Sunday – puts Getafe onto 35 points and a quiet, uneventful end to the campaign to match what has been a fairly quiet, uneventful year in the sleepy capital suburb of Getafe.

Andrés Palop
The Sevilla keeper prevented what could have been a five- or six-goal rout by Barcelona in the Sánchez Pizjuán.

Mallorca
Bobbling along nicely under Joaquín Caparrós. Not always a team you’d pay good money to watch – or any kind of money, come to think of it – but that’s not the concern of the Mallorca boss, whose job it is to keep the Balearic team in la Primera. And that’s what he’s doing with Mallorca, in midtable on 33 points after a 2-1 Sunday afternoon win against Atlético Madrid.

Granada
LLL is perhaps going to have to change its mindset, which won’t be easy at all for the stick-in-the-mud blog. It has always put Granada in the "could still go down quite easily, if it doesn’t watch where it's going" column, but a very competent victory over Sporting on Saturday has given the Andalusians a plump comfortable cushion above the relegation zone: although 18th-placed Racing play tonight, Granada are seven points clear of the relegation zone and only two behind 12th-placed Sevilla. Although, in truth, that latter fact might not say much for Míchel’s men this season.

BAD DAY
Real Madrid
Look at that! Real Madrid in the Bad Day section. That hasn’t happened since the last time the side lost league points, way back in December against Barcelona. Sunday’s result was what can sometimes happen in la Liga: Real Madrid don’t always win.

Indeed, José Mourinho was correct in saying that “perhaps the question is how we score so much and so often,” rather than why Madrid didn’t get a second goal against Málaga to kill the game off and maintain a 10-point table-top gap. AS have declared that the title race is back on – as have the Barcelona-based papers, of course – but LLL is far from certain.

Atlético Madrid, Athletic Bilbao
From what LLL saw, the Rojiblancos were a tad unlucky in the 2-1 defeat to Mallorca with a own goal and a missed penalty not helping the Atlético cause. However the result does show, as in Athletic’s 3-0 defeat of Valencia, that the Europa League may well take its toll on both teams in terms of league form, with less cup-tied teams like Málaga taking advantage in the not so fierce fight for fourth.

Iñigo Martínez
La Real were little bit unlucky against Getafe in a 1-0 Coliseum defeat thanks to an unavoidable own goal from the defender, with the ball bouncing first off the keeper and then immediately striking the centre-back.

Villarreal
That’s really going to hurt the morning after. It was a giant kick to the footballing goolies that has cost the job of José Molina, a manager only appointed in December. A goalless draw at Levante was already bad enough for Villarreal and Molina with the game going into injury time, but a last-gasp goal conceded really cooked the former goalkeeper’s goose with the side now five games without a win and expecting the visit of Real Madrid on Wednesday night.

Sporting
Before Saturday’s defeat to Granada, Sporting’s Sebastián Eguren talked about the game being a seven-pointer due to its importance. Expect the Uruguayan to say "there’s 11 finals left" any moment now.

Zaragoza
Rather like Villarreal, Zaragoza suffered massive sporting trauma to the nether regions late on Saturday. The bottom-dwellers led 1-0 against Euro-chasing Osasuna after Helder Postiga's 86th-minute goal, but then the Pamplona posse pulled off their speciality act with a header from a corner two minutes later – an “infantile” mistake, according to Zaragoza coach Manolo Jiménez. As much as they will talk of fighting to the very end, Zaragoza still need seven or eight wins from the final 11 league games this season to survive. Unlikely.

La Preview: Big love in Bilbao and rage against Reyes

Tim Stannard — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:46:00 GMT

Saturday

Granada (16th) v Sporting (19th) – 18.00 (all KOs local time)
Thought Sporting were in trouble, second-from-bottom of the table and three points from safety? Well, you are quite, quite wrong. The Gijón side’s Uruguayan midfielder, Sebastián Eguren, has some big news for both you, Mr (or Ms, Miss or Mrs) Smarty Pants, and the club’s fans ahead of this weekend’s relegation battle.
“The match is worth seven points: the three that Sporting win, the three that Granada don’t win and the extra point would be for the goal average,” said the midfielder, recalling his team’s 2-0 win earlier this season against Saturday’s opponents.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Zaragoza (20th) v Osasuna (6th) – 18.00
As there’s not a great deal worth talking about in the football sense with Zaragoza any more – not that football has ever been a key theme of LLL – it’s time to dish the latest dirt on Zaragoza and the club’s owner/president, Agapito Iglesias. Last week, it was revealed that Iglesias was trying to sell the club to fine, upstanding candidates only. This time around, the story is that a judge is investigating possible financial impropriety that may involve the owner.
A transaction is being probed in which half a million euros of a 2008 transfer fee from Betis to Zaragoza for Sergio García was allegedly spent on a deposit for a luxury apartment which was purchased in the name of Real Zaragoza.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Getafe (13th) v Real Sociedad (11th) – 18.00
Cata Díaz is a footballer who is often seen, but rarely heard. Correction – Cata Díaz is a terrifying footballer who is often seen, but rarely heard; a proper, scary, doesn’t-need-to-look-or-act-hard-to-be-hard footballer. The Getafe defender has played every minute of every league game this season, but a fifth yellow card of the season in the win against Villarreal on Monday night sees the centre-back suspended on Saturday.
So the Argentine stopper celebrated this chance to put his feet up by having a quick chat with Marca about his recent call-up to his national side and a certain, oft-talked-about compatriot. “Messi doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone – he’s the best in the world,” said Díaz, daring anyone to disagree with him.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Sevilla (12th) v Barcelona (2nd) – 20.00
Fine, upstanding citizen of Andalusia and president of Sevilla, José María del Nido, is feeling a little upset with his players, with one in particular standing out in the Sevilla leader’s bad books. After Saturday’s defeat at Sporting for Míchel González’s men, del Nido announced that he felt the footballing members of his team who are also internationals are “not giving the same performance than they are at other places". He added, "We have to look for a formula so that they perform here, for those who pay them."
José Antonio Reyes received a special mention, unsurprising as the winger has not done a great deal since a move to Sevilla from Atletico over the winter transfer window. “José Antonio is not giving the performance we were hoping for,” said del Nido – someone who knows all about the feeling of being cheated and defrauded. And not even allegedly.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Rayo Vallecano (10th) v Betis (15th) – 22.00
Rayo suspected that they had got away with a cheeky one and were going to be able to play talented forward Lass Bangoura on Saturday, despite the 19-year-old receiving a fifth yellow card during last week’s horrendous 5-1 defeat at Espanyol.
The referee had got his figures mixed up and the post-match report reflected that no.25 (goalkeeper Joel) had been booked instead of no.27 Lass. Rayo decided to keep quiet on the affair rather than appeal, but their cunning plan was scuppered when the official, Fernando Teixeira Vitienes, realised his error and sent through a post-match addendum to the Spanish FA, which sees Lass sitting out Saturday’s late-night special after all.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Sunday

Levante (5th) v Villarreal (17th) – 12.00
Villarreal supporters will be observing Levante’s players running out onto the pitch on Sunday with a sad moan of “That’s supposed to be us” – a team fighting for the Champions League places. Villarreal’s form has not improved under José Molina, a fact reflected by Monday’s lame home defeat to Getafe. However, the only performing player for the Yellow Submarine this season, Borja Valero, still had some fighting talk for the fans.
“We weren’t tall, handsome and good when things were going well, and we are not ugly, short and a disaster now,” ranted the playmaker, helpfully.

LLL Prediction – Away win

Mallorca (14th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) – 16.00
A while ago, LLL remembered that Atlético Madrid president, Enrique Cerezo, vowed in quite a huff that he would never speak openly about football ever again, seeing as he had a lot of his sporting decision-making powers taken away from him. That lasted about three days. Cerezo was tongue-flapping again this week when probed on Kun Agüero, and made some statements that might make the club’s fans raise an eyebrow or two in both surprise and disagreement.

“His departure didn't go well – he could have left things perfectly well with the fans. But we have a great affection for him: he was the most loved player of all time at Atlético.” Strong words.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00
Failing to heed LLL’s snooty tweet last week, in regards to the paper’s obsession with toadying to Real Madrid in the face of other, more relevant news in Spain, AS were at it again on Friday. Iker Casillas was splashed on the front cover ahead of the Champions League draw, rather than the wonderful performances of Athletic, Atlético and even Valencia, all of whom went through to the next stages of the Europa League.
But once again it was Athletic Bilbao that stole LLL’s heart with another victory over Manchester United. And they also won over Sir Alex Ferguson, who said that “he had never seen a team like this in Europe” and wanted Athletic to go all the way through to the final.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Real Madrid (1st) v Málaga (4th) – 21.30
LLL always gives a skip and squeal whenever it hears that former Real Madrid president, Ramon Calderón, has been waffling away about whatever pops into his head at the time. This week, Calderón – currently under investigation for questionable activites undertaken during his spell at the Santiago Bernabeu – was complaining about how seedy everything has become under his successor, Florentino Pérez.
“The traditional ‘image of the señor’ of Real Madrid has deteriorated," he said. "The club allowed a banner of ‘Mou, your finger shows us the way’ (into the stadium), a horrible moment.” Calderón also claimed that Pérez tried to force Iker Casillas from the club. “Florentino wanted Buffon. He didn’t want to renew Casillas' contract and he was close to leaving the year it ran out.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Monday

Espanyol (9th) v Racing Santander (18th) – 21.00
Espanyol’s latest bright young thing made a mark for himself in last weekend’s 5-1 win over Rayo. Midfielder Paul Quaye became the youngest Perico player to feature in la Primera, at 16 years and 177 days. The Ghanian joined the club in 2009 and has been guided along his way by mentor and coach Javi Peña, and also the senior players – claims Peña: “I will forever be grateful to [35-year-old striker Walter] Pandiani and everything he’s done for him.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Players beg Pep to sign on as press try to guess Mourinho's next move

Tim Stannard — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 13:58:00 GMT

Pep Guardiola may have felt a touch...heavier on Wednesday. No, the Barça boss hasn’t been on the Maniche diet - the extra weight was caused by a significant section of the Catalan media grabbing hold of his ankle, wailing hysterically and being dragged about the house as the Barça boss went about his morning ablutions.

The problem is that the middle of March has arrived and the Dream Boys boss still hasn’t decided whether he should stay on for another year of fun at the Camp Nou, and no doubt another year of questions over whether he will be staying on for another year at the Camp Nou.

A procession of players have been before the media pleading with their manager to stay. This week, Leo Messi was claiming modestly that Guardiola was a more important figure than himself at the club. On Tuesday, Xavi Hernández admitted that “the dressing room is not ready for a ‘no’ from Guardiola,” causing images of many a Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker head-and-fist-to-the-heavens style ‘Nooooooooo!’ should Pep be the bearer of bad news. “We hope he carries on. He’s the leader and he has given us order and discipline and turned us into a winning team,” said the mini-midfielder.

Barcelona-based Sport are in quite the tizz about Pep’s indecision, with Wednesday's front cover begging Guardiola not to have any more doubts. “Call the president and say you’ll carry on,” begs Joan Vehils. “The players, fans, directors, the club...everyone wants it.”

It’s possible Guardiola is waiting for José Mourinho to blink first in his decision on whether to stay on for another 12 months in Mordor. After all, a season without the Madrid manager poke-poke-poking away continuously would be a much more attractive prospect than another campaign with 'The Special One' constantly paying Pep special attention.

Mourinho was at it again over the weekend, with a whole new approach to annoying the heck out of his rival. The Portuguese was willing to admit to his faults in regards to openly whining about referees, but suggested other managers - including Pep Guardiola, one assumes - are merely a little more ‘clever’ in how they go about their business. “I’m not the perfect coach because I have criticised referees before using strong words, but others sell a different image than mine but we are all the same,” Mourinho said on Friday.

The press conference ahead of Wednesday evening's Champions League clash against CSKA Moscow was full to the brim with tea leaves for Mystic Meg types to gaze at, looking for clues as to Mourinho’s future. Cristiano Ronaldo claimed Mourinho would be around for at least another season, and the man himself insisted “my future does not depend on this match...”

Yet LLL imagines he is still very much under pressure to secure the club's tenth European crown, and being knocked out at this stage would sit well at all with the powers that be.

That’s unlikely to happen with Madrid supremely strong favourites to go through against the Russians with the tie at 1-1, the home side holding an away goal. Oh, and Mourinho’s men have been generally quite good this season.

It's Pep vs Piqué, says Madrid; Yellow Submarine still sinking

Tim Stannard — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 12:01:00 GMT

Apart from sporting a new natty haircut, one of the most noticeable aspects of José Mourinho over the past couple of weeks has been the Madrid manager’s rather generous way of praising the opposition – namely Rayo Vallecano and Real Betis.

Oddly generous about the quality of football and steely attitude of the opposition players, the Portuguese has also taken time to gush profusely about the noise and passion of the home support. Indeed, after the 1-0 win in Vallecas Mourinho even gave them a quick clap.

As LLL has joined in the local hobby of interpreting every utterance or gesture from Mourinho at least 15 times for hidden meanings, the blog is quite sure that the Madrid coach is continuing his campaign to try and develop something that may be beyond his admirable powers – the creation of an atmosphere at the Santiago Bernabeu.

That campaign continues ahead of Wednesday’s Champions League clash against CSKA Moscow with the release of a promotional video starring Real Madrid players all giving it the Delia Smith “let’s be ‘aving ya!” vibe. The clip is set to be played in the Santiago Bernabeu before kick-off – probably at ear-splitting volume, knowing the insane strength of the club’s PA system, which the blog is sure can be heard from the moon.

“I want you to be my hands,” says Iker Casillas (while his face clearly says "Really? My contract says I HAVE to do this?"). “I want you to be my feet,” demands Xabi Alonso. “I want you to be my magic,” is Marcelo's must-do whilst Pepe says something about “noise, support us, you better, knee caps, ankles, waiting for you outside.”

In a week without football at the Camp Nou, Tuesday's Mundo Deportivo returns to the good old referees-favouring-Real-Madrid conspiracy. Meanwhile, Sport recycles a story from capital-city TV station Telemadrid – which is quite, quite abysmal, incidentally – that Pep Guardiola's contract renewal is dependent on the sale of Gerard Piqué, the coach apparently having lost his "feeling" with the defender.

Barcelona president Sandro Rosell denied the story completely on Monday, blasting “public media who, with public money and taxes from their citizens, are dedicating themselves to giving information which is untrue, without foundation and completely false.”

Back in Sport's pages, Joan Vehils senses the forces of Mordor behind the story, linking it to other media outlets to demonstrate what the Camp Nou collective perceive to be organised hostility from the capital collective. Telemadrid is “a public TV channel whose head is a good friend of the Madrid president. Pure chance or not, but at [radio station] COPE and [TV show] Punto Pelota there are friends of Florentino Pérez as well.”

Tucked away in the football news for Tuesday is some actual... well... football news. Villarreal’s problems increased with a 2-1 home defeat to Getafe, whose Monday-night travelling performances are normally wetter than a kipper in a monsoon.

After a defeat including a missed penalty from Borja Valero, Villarreal are fourth from bottom and with just the single point from the last four games. “I can understand that people are upset and I accept this,” admitted coach José Molina, who must be very concerned indeed about his own future and that of a club in desperate trouble.

Good Day, Bad Day: Málaga make their move as Barça enjoy a quiet night

Tim Stannard — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 15:20:00 GMT

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo & Gonzalo Higuaín
More steamrolling striking action from the poaching pair with Ronaldo picking up league goal number 32 of the season and the supposedly out-of-form and for-sale Argentinean striker grabbing his 17th in a cracking 3-2 win over Betis, that was a tad controversial. No surprise there this season in la Liga.

Conspiracy Theorists
And there was LLL hoping we could all go a week without discussing the referees of la Primera. Sadly, it wasn’t to be, with two huge penalty claims ignored in the Betis match following 'handballs' from Xabi Alonso and Sergio Ramos. LLL feels that the former was as clear as day, but that the latter was a tough one to spot with the incoming shot being whacked at such speed and a leg being involved in the moment too - if a referee can’t be sure then he can’t blow the whistle. In theory.
However, the two different views of the incidents were predictably held on Sunday with Marca praising perfect refereeing and Barcelona-based Sport crying foul over a ‘robbery’.

Leo Messi
A quiet week for little Leo with just the seven goals in two games. The last couple came in a rarity for Barcelona - a fairly comfortable away win. Heck, the Catalan club even got a soft penalty to keep everyone in the Barcelona world happy.

Málaga
A 1-0 win over Levante moved Malaga into fourth place and gives even more reason to believe the blog’s spider sense that money-bags Málaga will be taking that very open fourth and final Champions League spot this season. The victory over the former fourth-placers - a team with an annual budget about €80m less than the home side - was Málaga’s third win a row, useful form to have ahead of what will probably be a disappointing, lame 4-0 capitulation at the Santiago Bernabeu next Sunday.

Osasuna
Two goals from two set-pieces from Osasuna - one an own goal - gave the Pamplona side a win in the local derby against Athletic Bilbao and move the Navarrans into the Europa League places.

Atlético Madrid
The 2-0 victory over Granada was the side’s first win in five league games, therefore something to be celebrated by the Rojiblanco faithful, 55,000 of whom turned up on Sunday at midday to sing their little cotton socks off. But the match was a distinctly drab one with LLL suspecting that a 1-1 draw was on the way before Falcao popped up with a second goal in injury time after miraculous run down the right wing by Juanfran.

Espanyol
After some recent shambolic performances, Espanyol pulled a corker out of the hat with a 5-1 win over Rayo. Paul from Barcelona was there to see the miracle take place.
“Well, where did that come from? I was expecting the worst and instead got a huge shock. 4-0 up at half time, two goals each from Uche and Coutinho. Second half, Espanyol took their foot off the gas and allowed Rayo a glimmer of hope provided by their best player on the day, Tamudo. When he scored, he didn't celebrate and received a warm round of applause. Good reception throughout. Uche got his hat trick a few minutes later.
A few points
- ‘Remontadabilidad’ or for those of you who speak Dowie "bouncebackability". The perfect answer to last week's shameful performance.
- Kalu Uche, in his first match he was more Ooh Betty than Uche (think about it ). I thought we'd signed Heskey but we have a Yakubu.
- Coutinho. More Pablo Aimar than Messi but hints of Leo in there. See his second goal.
- Sergio García - brilliant today, makes us a better team and has deservedly won over the fans. He makes Verdú a better player too.
- Paul Quaye - 16-year-old, Barça are after him, he told them to do one, makes his debut. From Ghana and the best player in his age group in Spain according to most sources, Michael Essien-esque.
-Rayo, missing a few players came to play and will be fine. Good support and to a man (80 odd) they stood up to applaud the Jarque minute. Class, well done lads."
Paul, Barcelona

Betis
For the second away match in a row in la Liga, José Mourinho was praising the opposition players, coach and supporters in a game that he once again admitted that his side were lucky to win. “Betis deserved more,” was the verdict in a match the Madrid game complained was far too open and anarchic to his liking, a testament to the very attacking, incisive approach from the home team who showed their better qualities on Saturday night, as opposed to Monday’s horror show against Levante.

Real Sociedad
It’s win, defeat, win, defeat, win at the moment for la Real, but it’s enough to keep the side out of trouble and snug in mid-table with 33 points. The latest victory was a perfunctory one against a drab Zaragoza on Saturday afternoon.

Bad Day

Unai Emery
Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Unai’s Valencia side had already received a barracking from the home fans on Thursday after conceding two goals to PSV in what was still a 4-2 win. So you can only imagine what the reaction was to Valencia going 2-0 up against Mallorca and then only drawing 2-2 to make it just two victories in the side’s ten league games this calendar year. This awful run leaves Málaga just four points behind third, a spot which was supposed to be set in concrete for Valencia.

Rayo Vallecano
“We are going to get the tape of today’s game and throw it in the bin,” promised Rayo coach, José Ramón Sandoval, after the side’s 5-1 tonking by Espanyol in Cornella.

Sevilla
A similar story to the pre-Míchel Sevilla that eventually saw Marcelino getting the boot - too many chances missed too many times, on this occasion it was in the 1-0 loss at Sporting.

Zaragoza
Two weeks ago, Manolo Jiménez was a mad as hell with his team after a late thrashing by Málaga. Then the Zaragoza manager was happy as a pie after a win against Villarreal. It was grumpy face Manolo making an appearance once again on Saturday night after a 3-0 defeat to Real Sociedad, which requires Zaragoza to win at least eight of their remaining 12 matches to stay up. Which probably isn’t going to happen. “There’s nothing else to say,” complained an exasperated Jiménez. “We gave them the win when everything was in our favour,” said a manager who appeared to be watching a very different game to everyone else.

La Preview: Ignoring Athletic, a Sacking in Santander and Rocking Rayo.

Tim Stannard — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 14:47:00 GMT

Saturday

Málaga (5th) v Levante (4th) - 18.00 (all KOs local time)
It’s high time for LLL to stick its head around the door at fourth-placed Levante to see if there's any talk of Europe yet, rather than of simply escaping relegation. The swift answer is ‘nope’. “Sometimes we forget that we are just Levante,” said ever modest coach, Juan Ignacio Martínez, when the words ‘Champions League’ were uttered in his presence up.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (13th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 18.00
Have €100 million or so to pour away into a giant financial black hole of a football club? Then go purchase the Segunda-bound Real Zaragoza, as that’s the sort of amount needed to take over the club and cover its debt. Owner/President/Meddler-in-Chief Agapito Iglesias has taken the hint from the fans - who hate his guts - and announced that he can be bought out by anyone with more money than sense.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (19th) v Sevilla (10th) - 20.00
José Antonio Reyes appears to have found his Atlético Madrid form already, despite only moving back to home town club Sevilla just a month or so ago. The problem there is that form is a little bit pants. Still, one great man of Spanish football, Joaquín Caparrós, who used to manage the midfielder back in his own Sevilla days, has come out in defence of a footballer who continues to rub fans up the wrong way.
“Of all the footballers I’ve had, I’ve never seen anyone do the things that Reyes does, apart from Leo Messi. He is strong, technical, a real football talent. I’m sure that he’ll be back to the Reyes that he was at the start,” soothed the Mallorca manager.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (12th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 22.00
It was all very touching, really. Once upon on time - about a year and a bit ago to be not particularly exact - former Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado, and José Mourinho were enemies, throwing insults at each other through the press. But then they patched up their differences and became BFFL. Preciado was at Real Madrid’s training centre on Wednesday to continue that friendship and pick up a few coaching tips along the way. “At the moment, we have a great relationship,” growled Preciado.
Manolo is on a bit of a sabbatical after leaving the Asturian club and “taking advantage of unemployment, although I hope it isn’t too long, to learn, improve methods, see colleagues and enjoy myself. I’m going to be in Spain for 15 days and afterwards go to Europe on a professional / tourist tour. I want to go to Italy and England.”
If anyone out there should bump into the wonderful fella on his travels, then make sure you get him a frosty, cool beer.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (9th) v Granada (16th) - 12.00
There are a few rumblings in Madrid that Diego Simeone is getting quite a soft ride in the town, despite Atlético failing to win any of their last five league games. LLL suspects it’s because the Rojiblanco boss cuts quite a terrifying figure, which is as good a reason as any.
Then again, Atlético Madrid have only lost one of the nine league games Simeone has been in charge - a clash against Barcelona - and as the Atleti boss points out in an interview in Wednesday's Marca, “when I came we were ten points from fourth place, now we are four (it’s actually five - nitpicking LLL). It depends on how you look at it but I always want to see the positive side.” LLL, not wanting its body parts rearranged next time it sees the Argentinean, is going to agree wholeheartedly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (11th) v Rayo Vallecano (8th) - 16.00
Selling Michu in the summer is likely to be one money-making scheme for cash-strapped Rayo Vallecano, given he is currently Spain’s joint-top goal scorer this season. However the club may have stumbled onto another sure-fire bank account-busting winner - hosting popular music concerts and giant disco-dancing sessions.
Now the traditional place for a football club to do this is the stadium itself - the Vicente Calderón hosts the likes of Muse and Coldplay - but Rayo reckon that their rather nifty training complex would be a much better venue. A tester is reportedly taking place at the end of April with a dance music session called “Musicland” with DJ’s such as Carl Cox and John Digweed turning up, playing some Altern-8 and Prodigy songs and wondering what the blazes they are doing on an astroturf pitch some four miles outside of Madrid.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Mallorca (14th) - 16.00
Unai Emery has a book out! Oh yes, he does, co-written with Juan Carlos Cubeiro, the tome is called “a winning mentality: the Emery method,” and is all about positive thinking and that kind of business.
However, the book isn’t just about a football club reaching third spot and hanging on to it for dear life, it has lessons that can be used out in the real world too. “This mentality is for difficult moments not just in life but also necessary in society,” said the Valencia boss at Monday’s presentation. “This mentality is something that’s in your thoughts, your attitude, not in the results and this is what we’ve established at a very high level at Valencia. The team always wants to win although the results are that they don’t always win.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (18th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 18.00
While Barça have been moaning about problems concerning referees - real or imaginary - the Catalan club are traveling to take on a side with genuinely troubling issues. This week, Racing let go of their second coach of the season, Juanjo González. Although the Santander side are still in the relegation zone, the team have been doing as well as expected and grinding out points here and there to keep them in the fight for survival.
But, it seems the administrators who now run the club have had other ideas and let Juanjo go, reportedly due to not getting on with his co-coaches. “I don’t agree with the decision but I can understand it,” said González to local Cantabrian radio. His previous partners, Fede Castaños and Pablo Pinillos, are expected to carry on with managerial duties until someone else who doesn’t mind working for peanuts can be found to take over.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (7th) v Athletic Bilbao (5th) - 21.30
A glorious night for Spain in Europe saw victories for Valencia, Atlético Madrid and most wonderfully of all, Athletic Bilbao, who gave Man Utd a lesson in Basque brilliance on Thursday. So which story did AS make their lead on Friday morning? Another "Isn’t José Mourinho brilliant?" story. There are a group of editors at the paper who should be feeling ashamed of themselves right now.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Villarreal (17th) v Getafe (15th) - 21.00
Although Dani Güiza has without doubt been the worst of Getafe’s strikers this season - a race for the bottom if ever there was one - it is Miku and now Javier Arizmendi who suffered the boos of the Getafe fans, which probably constitutes three people in the crowd of 200 having a bad day and needing an outlet.
Arizmendi was the target in last Saturday’s home defeat to Málaga, something that has coach Luis García concerned. “I don’t understand why they do this to him. They booed Miku as a substitute before he was playing. We’ll have to use just one striker now so they aren’t jeered,” said the Getafe boss.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Brilliance or buffoonery from Spanish FA over Copa del Rey clash?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 14:34:00 GMT

La Liga Loca read somewhere that the then backwater, boiling, hellhole of Madrid was made capital of Spain as all those lobbying the King on behalf of other cities were united in thinking it was a truly terrible idea. It was actually a brilliant plan by His Majesty, who reasoned that if it’s impossible to keep everyone happy, it's better to make sure everybody is equally miffed, especially if some of those people have private armies.

The blog likes to think that this was the strategy followed by the Spanish FA in choosing the date and the venue of the Copa del Rey final, but LLL knows it would be giving the group far too much credit. The declaration, made on Tuesday, that this year’s contest between Athletic Bilbao and Barcelona would be hosted in Atlético’s Vicente Calderón on Friday 25th May has managed to leave both clubs, their fans and Vicente Del Bosque all a little unhappy - but this was down to incompetence rather than some kind of cunning plan.

The most logical way to approach the Copa del Rey each year would be for the FA to have a look at the league and European fixture list over the summer and assign a date for the final - not unlike the approach taken for the other rounds. Instead, in recent seasons the FA have decided to cross their collective fingers, hope that the Champions League busy Real Madrid and Barcelona don’t get through to the final so that their stadiums can be used for an easy-to-fix clash in April between two clear-scheduled sides, such as Mallorca and Levante.

But pesky Barcelona made it through, and with they and Athletic both having an awful lot of fans, the Santiago Bernabeu seemed the obvious choice for the clash. But despite both teams lobbying strongly for the fixture to take place on Real Madrid's patch, the request was denied. At this point, LLL should point out that Real Madrid are not refusing to allow their stadium to prevent Barça from potentially celebrate a title in it, but rather due to planned building works.

This is something Pep Guardiola apparently forgot in Tuesday's press conference ahead of their Champions League tie with Bayer Leverkusen. “The club didn’t want the Calderón,” explained the Barça boss. "The club and Athletic wanted another venue. It’s our fault Athletic won’t get to go to the Bernabeu as if the rival in the final was not Barça, it would be being played there.”

“Building works?” said Guardiola when nudged by the press pack, “well, if there are building works, there are building works,” noted Guardiola cheekily.

Athletic Bilbao were pushing for the Cartuja stadium in Seville - the venue for the 2003 UEFA Cup Final between Porto and Celtic - as it is a little bit bigger than the Calderón, but lost out in a vote at a Spanish FA meeting which Barça didn’t attend in protest at the whole Gerard Piqué business.

The date of the 25th May was chosen as it meant Barça’s potential participation in the Champions League final six days before wasn’t relevant. The problem is that the Copa del Rey final now takes place the day before Spain are scheduled to play their first Euro 2012 warm-up match, leaving Del Bosque without all of his Barcelona and Athletic contingent for the match itself and the training sessions before hand.

All-in-all, it was a tough decision that had to be made, but a mess that could have been completely avoided had the FA perhaps acted a little sooner. Like last summer.

Barça throw hissy-fit over perceived Piqué persecution

Tim Stannard — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 10:56:00 GMT

Imagine, if you will, the Barça and Madrid football media as particularly troublesome seven-year-olds. See, that wasn’t so hard was it?

At the moment, Real Madrid are sitting as smug as can be, with their hands and face covered in chocolate cake and cream. “Yuuuummmmmmmmghhh,” they gurgle.

The seven-year-old aligned to Barcelona is in a very different mood indeed - screaming, wailing, chucking dolls’ heads about and very close to going to bed without its dinner if it isn’t careful.

Barça’s extraordinary temper tantrum has been caused by a feeling of persecution at the hands of the Spanish FA and referees, who they feel are trying to deny the club the league title. In fact, it’s the exact same hissy-fit thrown by the Real Madrid toddler over the past few seasons when they weren’t winning enough games of football, and needed a bit of a smokescreen to mask this inconvenient fact.

A general grumble of discontent for the past month or so - when Real Madrid’s lead at the top grew almost unassailable, by coincidence - grew to a giant wail of frustration and poo-poo hurling on Saturday when Gerard Piqué was sent off in the 3-1 win against Sporting.

LLL thought the referee was doing Barcelona a favour considering how badly Piqué had been playing of late, but apparently the club were most miffed about the decision that a neutral observer would have said “seen ‘em given.”

It was the defender himself who was most irate, and the defender showed fantastic judgement by telling the media post-match that referee Velasco Carballo had it in for him following a disagreement over a first-half penalty call. “Referees can make mistakes but can’t make premeditated decisions,” complained Piqué.

The referees' union have taken umbrage to this suggestion, with the president of the Technical Committee of Referees, Victoriano Sánchez Arminio, reporting Piqué to the FA’s Competition Committee for “putting the honour of referees into doubt.”

Barça responded on Monday, with club spokesman Toni Friexa asking the FA to “clarify the rules of the game,” with regards to what can be said. He also announced that the club would be taking the very mature decision to not send representatives to Tuesday's official meeting to discuss the venue for May’s Copa del Rey final, describing the move as a “sign of unhappiness.”

The Barça media’s screams have been most fulsome in response, kicking off on Monday with the “Real Madrid defence” to back up Piqué - the simple premise that their rivals have done something similar in the past and weren’t punished for it, therefore they are not guilty of the current misdemeanor, either.

“We remember Casillas in the Camp Nou tunnel after the cup knock-out telling the ref to his face to ‘go off and celebrate with (the Barça players)’” fumed Sport's Josep María Casanovas fumed on Monday. The same writer had another good rant a day later, and completely misunderstood the nuances behind the concept of freedom of speech. “The only thing Piqué did was to express an opinion and when you say what you think, you can’t be punished,” opined the culé columnist.

Mundo Deportivo think Piqué should have taken another approach, one reportedly adopted by José Mourinho after the aforementioned Clásico clash. “Piqué was wrong. He should have gone to the car park and sat in the referee’s car to complain,” wrote Santi Nolla, who may have made a good point despite the intended sarcasm as at least that conversation would have been private.

All-in-all, it’s a little unedifying, especially considering the amount of pee-taking and joshing about the Real Madrid media being a sore loser by making the exact same refereeing conspiracy declarations in the past when they weren’t the Big Daddy of la Primera.

This campaign of persecution is unlikely to peter out anytime soon either, with the front cover of Tuesday’s Sport saying that “a war has exploded.”

“We will defend Piqué to death,” writes Josep María Casanovas in the same edition. “Rightly or wrongly,” were the missing words from Tuesday’s opinion piece on a scrap that is getting bigger - and nastier - by the day.

Good Day, Bad Day: Piqué has a pop and Vela sees a ghost

Tim Stannard — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:28:00 GMT

Good Day

Gonzalo Higuaín
Criticised in some quarters for failing to deliver against Rayo last week in place of the injured Karim Benzema, the Argentinean striker was under pressure to pull out a few goals against Espanyol, although the forward doesn’t have anything to prove in LLL’s eyes and should probably head to a club that appreciates him a bit more. The fact that Higuaín has scored 16 goals in just 11 starts during the current campaign should certainly act as a sweetener.
But Higuaín quite likes banging in goals against Espanyol and knocked in a couple more to add to the hat-trick in Cornella earlier this season in a very run-of-the-mill 5-0 victory that has Marca and AS gasping about goal fiestas as opposed to bemoaning utterly hapless opposition in Real Madrid’s home, once again.

Seydou Keita
A lovely strike with the scores against Sporting level at 1-1 left the midfielder with the praise of Pep Guardiola ringing in his ears after Saturday’s 3-1 victory at the Camp Nou. “One of the best things I’ve experienced since I’ve been Barça coach is being able to know (Keita),” said the Catalan coach proudly, before being asked a bunch of questions about referees and conspiracies.
Saturday’s clash without the suspended Leo Messi against a tough-to-break-down Sporting wasn’t the most convincing of displays, but that doesn’t really matter really considering Barça won in the end and the league title is long gone, anyway.

Valencia
Los Che grabbed an early 1-0 lead against Granada thanks to the impressive-this-season Sofiane Feghouli and then merely hung on to it. A perfect match for a late afternoon Sunday nap.

Markel Susaeta
LLL suspected Athletic would be a tad distracted by Thursday’s Europa League clash with Manchester United and blow this game completely. Not so, thanks to a couple of efforts from Markel Susaeta, who is thriving under Marcelo Bielsa, scoring three in the team’s last two league games. LLL is now dangerously excited about this week’s Old Trafford match.

Málaga
For one night Málaga were in the Champions League places. That was until Athletic nabbed fourth spot a day later. For once, Manuel Pellegrini’s men managed to do something they have struggled to do all year - put together back-to-back wins. The double against Zaragoza and Getafe was just third time the team has managed it. Málaga were 1-0 down in the game before three screamers from outside of the box gave the southern side all three points to take off a little bit of the pressure that had building on the club with just the team’s third away win of the season.

Michu
Two more strikes in contributing to a remarkable comeback for Rayo Vallecano from two goals down against Racing makes the forward (midfielder technically) the equal top-scoring Spaniard in la Primera, tied with Fernando Llorente and one more than current flavour of the month, Roberto Soldado.
“I never saw this game as lost,” claimed Rayo boss, José Ramón Sandoval, on a victory that moves the Madrid club into eighth place. “Rayo never give up.”

Atlético Madrid
Only just in this particular section due to LLL feeling very mellow on this pleasant Monday. The Rojiblancos are now without a win in the league in five matches after Saturday night’s 1-1 draw at Sevilla, but it was probably a decent one-off result as Atlético were without Falcao, Diego and Arda for the clash. That was certainly what Diego Simeone appeared to feel as he was caught by TV cameras fist-pumping away (in the style of Tim Henman, not Ever Banega) going down the tunnel after the clash. Atlético are still four points off the Champions League places, so expect a great deal of “we have 13, 12, 11 finals left,” from the players over the next few weeks.

Manolo Jiménez
The Zaragoza coach warned there could be a repeat of his giant strop from last week when he stormed out of a press conference feeling “ashamed” of his team if things weren’t any better against Villarreal on Saturday. That was very much on the cards with three minutes to go and the home team 1-0 down. But then Villarreal nodded off and Zaragoza popped up with a quickfire double to give the bottom-of-the-table side just their fourth win of the season. “I’m proud of the attitude they showed,” beamed Manolo enjoying a very different mood time time around.

Bad Day

Gerard Piqué
Not just a bad day, but a bad season for Piqué, who has fallen out of favour with Pep Guardiola due to the kind of dreadful display seen last month at Osasuna. Matters got worse for the Barça defender with a red card in this weekend's home win over Sporting, with the World Cup winner then ranting against the referee to the media. This rather unwise move may see Piqué in hot water with the FA, and not unsurprisingly so considering the defender said his sending off was “pre-meditated” due to ill-feelings after a complaint to the man-in-the-middle over a penalty not awarded earlier in the match.

Espanyol
The fact Espanyol have only won four league games in the Santiago Bernabeu since the 1928/1929 season probably wasn’t a good omen ahead of Sunday’s match. Nor was the team’s indifferent away form this year. But constantly giving the ball away with sloppy passes hardly helped matters in what was eventually a 5-0 defeat in a game that Espanyol should never have bothered turning up for. “One of the worst matches I’ve experienced,” admitted Espanyol boss, Mauricio Pochettino after the game.

Real Sociedad
At 1-0 down, Real Sociedad had a perfectly good ‘ghost goal’ from Carlos Vela ruled out by the referee when Gorka Iraizoz scooped the ball back from the inside of the goal. Yet they have refused to use the decision as an excuse for Sunday’s derby defeat - something that two other clubs in particular (and their fanboys in the media) may have done in the same situation. “We didn’t lose because of the referee,” noted la Real boss, Philippe Montanier.

Getafe
Three long distance efforts from Málaga spelled defeat for Getafe at the Coliseum, and continued a run of five league games without a win. At the end of January there was a sniff of a chance of a push for the European places in the air in Getafe aside from the smell of car fumes. Now Getafe are just five points from the drop zone and facing a SIX POINTER against Villarreal, next weekend.

Villarreal
'Awful, decent, awful, decent' goes Villarreal’s form these days. So it was no surprise that ‘awful’ was back again this weekend, with a 2-1 defeat at Zaragoza.

Racing Santander
Being down for ten men for 87 minutes of the game against Rayo - goalkeeper Toño quite rightly sent off for reckless challenge - didn’t help Racing’s cause, but the team probably shouldn’t have blown a two goal lead with the bus-parking opportunities that this affords. Racing still in the relegation zone and now without a win in seven.

La Preview: Getafe’s confessions, Zaragoza’s shame and Pochettino’s promise

Tim Stannard — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 11:50:00 GMT

Saturday

Mallorca (15th) v Osasuna (7th) - 18.00 (local time)
Remember Emilio Nsue? No? Up-and-coming young Spanish striker? Well, the Mallorca forward was certainly in that cat basket last year, but he hasn’t started a game since the beginning of January and he’s not happy about it. “I’m really upset about how I’ve been left out. I’m being left without the Olympic Games,” complained the forward in regards to his treatment by Joaquín Caparrós.
Nsue also had a message for fellow striker Michael Pereira, who has been much more active this year in his place. “I note that when I lose a ball, people are always on top of me, whilst when someone else does, it doesn’t matter.
“It’s only when we are together that we can manage our objectives,” taunted his high-minded team-mate and rival via Twitter. “More than ever we must think of Mallorca and not divide ourselves through egotism.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (14th) v Málaga (6th) - 18.00
It’s been confession week in Getafe, with a couple of players shuffling before the press, looking at the ground in shame, mumbling that their performances simply haven’t been good enough and that they are very, very sorry indeed. First up was Dani Güiza, who wisely agreed with the comments made last week by manager Luis García that he wasn’t exactly delivering on the goal-scoring front this season. “I’m not happy with my numbers either,” admitted the forward. “I wasn’t playing for a year-and-a-half but now I’m feeling better,” said Güiza perhaps promising goals galore, starting at Málaga.
Güiza’s teammate, Diego Castro, also had something to get off his chest admitting that he too had not been much cop in the current campaign. “I’m not happy with my personal situation and what I’ve delivered. I have to improve and the team does too.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (11th) v Racing Santander (18th) - 18.00
During the week, Sergio Ramos admitted that he had sort of left an elbow out for Diego Costa during last Sunday’s Madrid derby, though he didn’t mean to do the Rayo forward any harm, of course.
Diego Costa appeared to be just fine with that response - a reputation for diving perhaps coloured the referee’s view of the incident - and pointed out that “it was quite heated during the game. I was scrapping with them (Pepe and Ramos) from the beginning,” recalled the on-loan Atlético Madrid striker. "Things happened in the game, we fight out on the pitch and it stays there.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Sporting (19th) - 20.00
LLL senses that Javier Clemente didn’t accept the Sporting job because he wanted the challenge of keeping the Asturian side in la Primera, but rather because he needed a platform for spouting off on all manner of topics on a daily basis to a media who are always more than happy to fill a page or two with the Basque manager’s thoughts.
This week, Clemente was musing over Barcelona, and how he didn’t really enjoy watching the Catalan club, which is unfortunate as Pep’s Dream Boys will provide his opposition on Saturday. “It’s fantastic football, but I go for more direct football. I don’t like long periods of possession when you are winning 1-0,” said the Sporting boss who has lead his side to two draws since taking over from Manolo Preciado.
Clemente is an admirer of Carles Puyol though and suggests that a couple of Real Madrid defenders should copy the Barça centre-back, but perhaps not in the hair department. “Puyol is an example to follow in football and should be for Sergio Ramos and Pepe as he goes for the ball with nobility.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (10th) v Atlético Madrid (9th) - 22.00
Atlético’s opponents, Sevilla, had a couple of players called up to the Spain squad in the form of Alvaro Negredo and Jesús Navas. However, none were required from the Rojiblanco ranks. Now, in any other country the next step would be to look at some candidates - Juanfran, Adrían and Gabi for example - and realise that the lack of Atlético talent in the Spain team is due to other players being better.
But this being Spain, some think it’s a giant conspiracy and that Vicente Del Bosque has it in for the Vicente Calderón club. “The manager always finds a reason not to choose an Atlético player,” moans José Miguelez in AS, the reason this time being the crazy notion that none of them are actually good enough.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Zaragoza (20th) v Villarreal (17th) - 12.00
The blog's last report concerning Zaragoza boss, Manolo Jiménez, was of the fiery chieftain storming out of a press conference after a 5-1 defeat to Málaga, declaring that he was ashamed and that there was going to be no more kid gloves treatment with the players.
Manolo took a few days to calm down before returning to speak to the media on Wednesday, but there was no great change to the former Sevilla manager’s mood. “I still feel ashamed of the image we presented in the game from the 63rd minute. I still feel angry and the only thing that will make it go away is a change in image.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Real Sociedad (13th) - 16.00
LLL will admit to finding the interview with Javi Martínez published in Wednesday’s Marca surprising. Not because it was actually quite good, but because it was located in the Real Madrid section, with the paper seeming to imply that just because they stuck the Athletic player on the front page the other day as a Mourinho target, the Spain international is now a Real Madrid player.
“I play for a great team and all I’m thinking about is Athletic, Athletic and Athletic. I’m very happy here in Bilbao,” was the response of Martínez to an opening question that is fairly easy to guess.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (16th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00
Unsurprisingly the Valencia players were booed from the pitch after last weekend’s home defeat to Sevilla. LLL uses the word 'unsurprisingly' as that’s what the Valencia supporters in Mestalla tend to do anyway no matter the result - that and the loss leaving the east coast club with just the single win in eight. But when the only side breathing down your neck are Levante, who have managed just the single win in nine, the incentive to give a flying hula-hoop is limited.
Unai Emery came out on the defence of his team by saying that the supporters should judge the club at the end of the season. This was a stance backed by Roberto Soldado who dipped his toe into tempestuous fan-fighting waters by suggesting that “what happens with Valencia is valued more outside of the club than here inside and that “it seems that third place doesn’t have any merit.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Espanyol (8th) - 21.30
Perico coach Mauricio Pochettino has said that he won’t be making any complaints about refereeing decisions during Sunday’s game no matter what happens in the Santiago Bernabeu against Madrid. “I’m not afraid of refs and I don’t have any prejudices,” claimed the Espanyol coach.
If that does happen then a manager in la Liga not whining about decisions going against his team is enough for LLL to have the Argentinean coach captured, stuffed, dressed in his Espanyol tracksuit and placed in the Spanish FA’s museum and labeled as some kind of freakish, mutated oddity.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Levante (4th) v Betis (12th) - 21.00
After going eight games without a win, Levante finally managed to pick up three points last weekend with a victory at Espanyol. It lifted Levante back into the Champions League places, but club captain Sergio Ballesteros is still of the mindset that the club are not yet safe on 35 points with 14 matches left. Although it would take a feat of Zaragoza proportions to be relegated, the hefty stopper says that Monday’s game is another battle to avoid the drop. “The Betis match is 50% of our salvation. When we manage our objective we can dream about other things,” said Ballesteros this week. LLL suspects those ‘other things’ might be called ‘summer holidays’.
LLL Prediction - Draw

No complaints in Spain over Fernando Torres' international absence

Tim Stannard — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 11:35:00 GMT

Thanks to the magic of television and the odd newspaper report, it has come to the attention of most Spain fans that Fernando Torres hasn’t exactly been the most prolific of forwards of late.

Indeed, most Chelsea games are broadcast live on Spanish television, so they can see for themselves what a rotten time of it the former Atlético Madrid man is having in England. So rotten, in fact, that a return to the ups, downs and yet more downs of the Vicente Calderón on a salary of tuppence a week would currently be preferable to life at Stamford Bridge.

When Vicente del Bosque announced on Friday that Torres, the player who scored the winning goal in the Euro 2008 final - a strike that launched Spain into its golden age let’s not forget - it was no great surprise. Indeed, anything else might have been seen in Spain as madness, with the campaign to have Valencia’s Roberto Soldado back in the squad after a five year absence steadily building momentum. “I hope I don’t have to wait another five years for a call-up,” joked the chirpy forward, who has racked up 20 goals in all competitions this season.

Despite being a manager who tries to stick to his tried-and-trusted players whenever possible, Vicente Del Bosque admitted that he had no choice but to leave El Niño at home for Wednesday’s friendly in Málaga against Venezuela, a stance that he’s maintained despite Sevilla striker, Alvaro Negredo, pulling out of the squad with a muscle tear.

“It hurts to leave Fernando out, but I can't be unfair and block those who are are pushing through,” explained the Spain coach. Del Bosque received support from his predecessor, Luis Aragonés, who said that “it’s normal that a footballer who doesn’t play and isn’t it form doesn’t get picked.”

If anyone was still in doubt that it wasn’t the right move to make and felt sorry for the Chelsea man, AS helpfully named 18 Spaniards playing top flight football who had scored more goals than Fernando Torres this season before the weekend’s action - a list included Real Madrid fringe player José Callejón, and Sporting’s David Barral.

The absence of David Villa through injury, along with Torres and Negredo, leaves Soldado and Fernando Llorente as the only ‘proper’ strikers in Spain’s squad for the friendly, a situation that might see Del Bosque playing the ‘false nine’ system used to great effect in the Euro 2012 qualifier against Scotland, with David Silva taking up the forward role. However, Llorente has been in such stupendous form of late that the Athletic Bilbao striker might well be given a chance to lead the line in la Rosaleda.

But Torres and the options for the front three weren’t the only topic of conversation at Del Bosque’s pre-match press conference on Tuesday. The other was the complete codpiece of a calamity the Spanish FA have made of setting the date the of Copa del Rey final.

If Barcelona reach the final of the Champions League, then the match is likely to be played on May 25th, a day before a Spain warm-up game when ideally Del Bosque would prefer it if his Barcelona and Athletic Bilbao squad members were focussed on Euro 2012 and not booting lumps out of each other.

“Of course, we’d like more time, but it’s impossible,” said the Spain coach. With Fernando Torres set for a fairly quiet end to the season, perhaps there’s a chance for the misfiring forward to make it to the European Championships after all?

The Pep talk that aroused a nation

Tim Stannard — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 10:28:00 GMT

Should the great leaders at FourFourTwo ever grow tired of LLL’s showbiz demands and cut the blog loose, starvation and playing the accordion badly in the Madrid metro awaits. LLL certainly isn’t going to find work in the Spanish media, as it doesn’t seem to quite get how it works.

The blog was just a few metres away from Pep Guardiola on Sunday night in the Vicente Calderón press room when the Barça boss admitted that “we aren’t going to win the league. We will compete until the end, we aren’t going to give up, nor we will stop being who we are on the pitch, but I don’t think we will win the league.”

"Refreshingly honest and sensible," thought a very British blog on the Barça boss accepting that the 10-point gap probably won’t be closed because of Madrid’s canny ability to pick up points due to the side’s indomitable spirit and determination (or constant help from the referees in a giant global conspiracy, depending on your affiliation).

Apparently LLL got the wrong end of Pep’s stick completely. According to the Barça media, Guardiola was being ironic, joking, conducting a savage attack on refereeing bias and boosting his team’s morale, all at the same time. It's nothing whatsoever to do with the Barcelona manager going nuts and actually saying what he actually thinks.

"What have I said now?"

“He’s seen things that he doesn’t like in this championship, above all the inertia that surrounds Madrid: penalties, sendings off, goals incorrectly ruled out for their rivals, goals given to Madrid that shouldn’t have been. This makes him think that Mourinho’s men will win the title almost by ‘decree’,” claimed Monday’s edition of Sport.

Mundo Deportivo reckons that Guardiola’s confession was too-many-spoons, not-enough-knives ironic, a theory discussed by one of the club’s directors on Monday. For Carles Vilarrubí, Pep was displaying “intelligent irony. He was saying that our footballers have to play excellently because the Liga BBVA is not giving objective nor normal conditions so that the best team can win.” “I don’t want to say that we are complaining about referees,” added the Barcelona VP.

LLL is therefore assuming that Vilarrubí is arguing that those meanie-heads Real Sociedad, Athletic Bilbao, Getafe, Espanyol, Villarreal and Osasuna are the ones to blame for the lack of “objective and normal conditions” in la Liga by not allowing Barcelona to trot off with three points in their clashes with the Catalan club this season.

AS editor Alfredo Relaño fumes in an editorial on Tuesday that "I really like Guardiola's manner much more [than Mourinho] but quite frankly I'd appreciate knowing, if he wants to say something, that he is really saying it. At least in this sense, Mourinho has an advantage over Guardiola."

With football punditry in Spain now largely consisting of propaganda, spin, Kremlinology, interpretation, reinterpretation, misinterpretation, making stuff up and mad ranting, it’s quite possibly another reason why Guardiola is taking such a long time to consider whether or not he can face another season of this madness when one simple comment is torn apart and reconstructed a billion different ways.

Good Day, Bad Day: Rampant Ramos, a bad mood in Mestalla and Levante live!

Tim Stannard — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:44:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 25 Feb Racing Santander 1-1 Sporting Gijón; Real Betis 1-1 Getafe; Málaga 5-1 Real Zaragoza; Espanyol 1-2 Levante Sun 26 Feb Villarreal 2-2 Athletic Club; Rayo Vallecano 0-1 Real Madrid; Valencia 1-2 Sevilla; Osasuna 2-1 Granada; Real Sociedad 1-0 Mallorca; Atlético Madrid 1-2 Barcelona

GOOD DAY

Sergio Ramos
The Madrid defender should have been sent off for an elbow on Diego Costa. But Ramos wasn’t, so instead the centre-back was able to almost single-handedly deal with every ball thrown into the Real Madrid box on Sunday (and there were a lot of them). Ramos probably hasn’t had this much fun since... er... can’t say that... or that... or that. Oh.

Cristiano Ronaldo
LLL once scored a back-heeled goal in a five-a-side match, so, you know, a bit of perspective please.

Leo Messi
An opportune free-kick from little Leo gave Barça three points against Atlético Madrid, and although a fifth yellow card means the Argentinian misses next week’s visit of Sporting, it's probably a good game to sit out. “Everyone is asking for Messi to be rested: he’ll be resting next week with Pepe,” noted Guardiola on a suspension that the Madrid defender also has to endure.

Levante
The visitors were a tad jammy at Espanyol with a late deflected effort from Rubén Suaréz gaining the victory, but it was the side’s first win since December 10th – nine games ago – and inevitably, it returned Levante to fourth, where they have squatted for what seems like much of the season.

Fernando Llorente
A headed effort – of course – against Villarreal on the forward’s birthday gave Llorente his 13th league goal of the season and surely Spain’s No.9 shirt on Wednesday, in the absence of David Villa, Fernando Torres and the injured Alvaro Negredo.

Málaga
For a couple of hours before Levante’s win at Espanyol, Málaga were in the Champions League places. That in itself was an eyebrow-raising surprise considering Málaga’s consistent inconsistency this season. The 5-1 scoreline over Zaragoza, which was mainly due to a late glut of goals after the opposition had given up, continued a tidy series of results which reads LWLWLW.

Andrés Fernandez
A solid match for the Osasuna goalkeeper gave the home side a 2-1 win against Granada and moved the Pamplona club into seventh, one point from the Champions League places.

Jesús Navas
After some disgruntled murmurs when the Sevilla midfielder was called up to the Spain squad to face Venezuela on Wednesday, Navas answered his critics – LLL can’t believe it just wrote that cliché, but then again it can – with a goal and an assist in the 2-1 win at Valencia. A very handy return to form under Míchel.

Rayo Vallecano
LLL is still a bit giddy from this encounter. Not because there was anything especially brilliant about it as a match – neutrals watching at home may have switched off in the first half – but because it was, for once, a passionate, proper contest against Real Madrid rather than the monotonous processions that have largely been the theme at the Santiago Bernabeu this season.

A big thank-you for this uncomfortably happy sensation goes to an attacking approach from the home team and the Rayo fans who sang their cotton socks off for 90 minutes – an effort that earned applause from Jose Mourinho as he walked off at the end.

Betis
The sheer number of teams in the Good Day section this week suggests that a happy LLL is not quite feeling itself, but hey-ho. Betis find themselves there despite a 1-1 draw at home to Getafe that Pepe Mel says was a little unfair. “In the overall count, we deserved to win – but this isn’t boxing, but football,” observed the Betis boss with unflinching accuracy. But then Mel looked on the much brighter side: “We have 30 points and are playing good football.”

Villarreal, Athletic Bilbao
Sharing a feisty 2-2 draw, both teams contributed to the rarest of matches in Spain: a Sunday midday kick-off that was actually pretty good.

Racing, Sporting
The old cliché is true: the 1-1 draw did neither of these sides in the relegation zone any good. But there are positives to be taken for both teams. Sporting are still unbeaten in the two matches under Javier Clemente. Under their terrific trio of coaching staff, Racing have still only lost two matches in the last 11 games – one of those being at the Santiago Bernabeu. However, too many draws sees Racing still in big trouble.

BAD DAY

Valencia
A home defeat; just the one win in eight in la Liga; only five points ahead of Levante and 14 behind Barcelona. You bet your bottom that Valencia fans were not happy after Sunday’s 2-1 loss to Sevilla, no matter what the side did against Stoke in the Europa League.

Espanyol
"Grrrrrr! Thump! Thump! Thump!” That’s the sound of Paul from Barcelona grinding his teeth to dust and kicking himself – and maybe Espanyol’s players – after a home defeat against Levante and a missed chance to maintain a Champions League spot.

“Still wondering six hours later how Espanyol didn't win. There are some days the ball just won't go in. Eagle-eyed readers will recall this from a fortnight ago, but nothing has changed: Espanyol lost a match against a bunch of thugs whom they had totally dominated.

"You know things aren't going your way when the worst player you've had in last five years (Valdo) scores against you and the ref allows attempted leg-breaking tackles. Regular readers will know how much I hate feigning injury as a tactic, and the night before the Oscars, Levante must have thought they were up for a statue. Horrible, horrible team and a jammy deflected free kick to win as well.”

Atlético Madrid
A first defeat under Diego Simeone, but no disgrace considering the opposition. The current Atlético side is primarily built not to lose, and tactic is clearly working well. But a pattern is developing, with the side playing more defensive first halves and then opening up in the second. Indeed, Atlético were only a few great Víctor Valdés saves away from picking up a point against Barça late on Sunday night.

The match also showed what an immense home support the Vicente Calderón club has when it’s in the right mood – aside from the despicable Ultras, who sang “Alves, you’re a monkey” when the Real defender was substituted.

Zaragoza
The bottom-dwellers were doing reasonably well on Saturday, having taken the lead against Málaga. But the visitors eventually gave up and crashed to a 5-1 defeat after some immensely sloppy defending in the final 20 minutes of the game. It was enough to send coach Manolo Jiménez storming out of the press room after a brief appearance, suggesting his footballers learn to play for 90 minutes and that he felt “ashamed".

La Preview: Arsenal man goes AWOL, Pep’s replacement and Bielsa’s big day

Tim Stannard — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 10:40:00 GMT

Saturday

Betis (12th) v Getafe (14th) - 18.00 (local time)
A broken arm for central defender Lopo in last weekend’s Espanyol clash saw Getafe exploring the possibility of trying to bring in cover using the emergency, break glass procedures allowed by the league under such circumstances. In the end, former Getafe centre-back Alexis returned on loan from Sevilla to partner the snarling Cata Díaz in the centre of defence.
The attentions of coach Luis García now turn towards getting Dani Güiza to score on a regular basis - goals, that is - as the former Spanish international has only managed three in 18 league appearances. “His figures are much less than we were hoping for. We’ve been very patient with him and given him a lot of chances but it hasn’t happened,” said the increasingly impatient manager.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (18th) v Sporting (19th) - 18.00
Regular readers will be aware that one of LLL’s big issues - apart from the ones involving an irrational fear of jellyfish currently being ironed out with therapy - are managers and players claiming there are so many 'cup finals' left when describing a run of league games when their team is in a tight spot. Heck, even an Athletic Bilbao player did it recently, despite the fact his team look good for a Champions League-qualifying finish.
Fortunately, hard-as-nails new Sporting manager Javier Clemente won’t stand for such crazy talk either. When asked whether Saturday’s clash against fellow relegation-zoners Racing was a definitive game, he snapped; “whatever happens, no-one is going to die. Every match is important, the only difference is that Racing are like Sporting.”
For once in his live, Clemente is the voice of sanity and reason.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (9th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 20.00
Two clubs having disappointing seasons and two clubs really needing a win on Saturday. Málaga have been ordered by Manuel Pellegrini to endure double training sessions as punishment for being hopelessly flimsy for much of the season, while the not-so-good-ship Zaragoza lost another crew member, with Antonio Tomás finishing his contract early and heading off to CSKA Sofia, despite only joining in September.
In contrast, one player who wants tto hang around is Carlos Aranda, who joined Zaragoza in the winter transfer window and hopes to stay on for the long-term, despite being fully aware of where he is about to be playing his football. “I didn’t come here for five months. I would love to stay on with them in la Segunda,” claimed Aranda, this week.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (4th) v Levante (7th) - 22.00
Arsenal fans with good memories may remember a player called Pedro Botelho, who joined the North London club just over four years ago but has since spent most of his time on loan to sides in Spain. Until the winter window, the lanky left-winger was playing for Rayo and doing pretty well too, until getting drunk one night and getting into a shunt with a police car, whose occupants found the 22-year-old to be above the alcohol limit.
Botelho was then moved on-loan to Levante in January but didn’t feature in the squad that lost to Rayo on Sunday, a strange move given he would have known his former team-mates only too well. It turns out that the midfielder was on the naughty step having disappeared from the team hotel after the recent away day at Real Madrid, then failing to make the train back to Levante the following morning.
Marca report the player was unaware the players had been confined to quarters for the Sunday night and says that he had a dentist appointment in Madrid on the Monday, hence his railway station no-show. The club didn’t believe a word of it and fined Botelho €15,000. LLL suspects a return to Arsenal in the near future is unlikely, irrespective the London club’s current problems.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Villarreal (17th) v Athletic Bilbao (5th) - 12.00
Hip, hip hooray. It was a bit of a tight squeeze for both Athletic and Manchester United in their respective Europa League games against Lokomotiv Moscow and Ajax, but both got through to set up last 16 double-header that has the normally cool-as-a-cucumber LLL watering at the mouth and gurgling in the stomach. Although that’s normally a sign of having recently eaten some undercooked croquettas. Heck, even Athletic coach Marcelo Bielsa is excited too. “Playing against Manchester United is not like any other game,” noted the weird one.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Rayo Vallecano (8th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 16.00
Vive La Revolution. The much-messed with Rayo supporters groups were not happy at all about their team’s bigwigs declaring Sunday’s visit of Real Madrid being a “Day of the Club” - a chance for the members who already have a season ticket to pay even more to see the game. Last week, LLL reported that this extra charge was set to be €25 and this is still the case to an extent.
Where Rayo have relented, according to AS, is in allowing unemployed season ticket holders entry for just €5. Good news to a degree, but bad news in that those included in this discount will probably be a significant number with Spain’s unemployment rate being 22% and the working class barrio of Vallecas especially suffering during Spain’s never ending economic crisis.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Valencia (3rd) v Sevilla (11th) - 18.00
Valencia weren’t as spooked as Marca were with the hordes of Stoke City ‘hooligans’ and ‘ultras’ - terms used to describe normal, run-of-the-mill Midlands fans - descending on the city in lovely, sunny weather for a nice game of football. The speculation in Valencia that it was only the supporters with football on their minds during the Europa League clash, with Tony Pulis bringing a squad of just 15 to the Spanish east coast for the clash. “Are they coming here to go on the beach or play a game of football?” was the first question on local radio station, Punto Radio Valencia, to a traveling English journalist. The beach seems to be the answer, with Valencia picking up a 1-0 win.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (10th) v Granada (15th) - 18.00
Although Osasuna are trundling along quite well this season on the pitch, off it there seems to be the whiff of economic problems in the air, with Marca reporting that the club would like to reschedule the payments of its debt with the local tax authority over a 75-year period. The sum of €27.9m is weighing heavy on Osasuna but club president, Patxi Izco, claims that the request for some repayment tinkering is “practically normal” in other companies and that a little bit of help would be appreciated.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (16th) v Mallorca (13th) - 18.00
Even though it wasn’t Villarreal’s fault Mallorca were kicked out of last season’s Europa League competition for going into administration - with the Yellow Submarine taking their place - the Balearic club and supporters are still grumpy as heck about the whole matter which was due to Mallorca breaking UEFA’s rules and regulations and thus entirely their only fault.
But there is a suggestion the club are ready to make nice to Villarreal sometime in the near future, according to club president, Juame Cladera. “Last season we were obliged to have relations because of the transfer of De Guzman, and in some way this softened things up. It’s not good to have such distance for such time.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 21.30
All week, the talk in Barcelona and the rest of Spain is what Pep will do next concerning his rolling contract extension. But if the worst for the Catalan club were to happen and Guardiola was to head to pastures new - or sit on a beach for a year which would be a good plan - speculation has already started on who could take over.
The names thrown up by Marca in what appear to be a mad brain-storming session are Luis Enrique, Ernesto Valverde, Oscar García (current cantera coach), Lluís Carreras (current Sabadell coach), Marcelo Bielsa, Marco Van Basten, Joachim Löw and Andrés Villas-Boas. Mundo Deportivo even throw some of these names into a poll with Luis Enrique coming out in top with 39% followed by Bielsa with 21%.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Madrid’s mad moment, Pep’s breathing space & Stoke’s scary support

Tim Stannard — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 14:14:00 GMT

While Andre 'the new Mourinho' Villas-Boas didn’t exactly enjoy his night out in Naples with Chelsea, the original version had a fairly decent time of it in Russia, with his Real Madrid side drawing 1-1 with CSKA Moscow.

However, you’d have thought Madrid had been the ones left with a second leg mountain to climb, such was the The Special One’s maudlin mood after the game thanks to the Kremlins that still lurk in the squad’s tactical system.

Madrid were fairly comfortable and holding a 1-0 lead, until Swedish striker Pontus Wernbloom - a member of a Real Madrid fan club - popped up in second-half injury time to nab an equaliser. “I don’t know if it was a mistake or a lack of concentration,” commented a glum Mourinho on the set-piece strike that was conceded

“I’m not happy, but neither am I sad,” said the Madrid manager, a mood that sums up the feeling in the Madrid papers, who are sulking about the last gasp leveller, even though they remain confident .

Still, Tomás Roncero of AS was a happy camper due to yet another Cristiano Ronaldo goal. “He’s capable of playing with a broken ankle, sweating at minus ten, aiming with his weaker foot like it was a Colt 45,” swooned the columnist.

A rare midweek off for Barcelona has given the local media time to muse over Pep Guardiola’s reluctance to sign on for another year at the Camp Nou. The vibe in the Catalan capital is simultaneously insistent on the Barça boss making a decision one way or the other and giving Guardiola space, not wanting to seem too rude - like standing behind someone who is using a cashpoint to pay their phone bill.

“If we are talking more about the future of Pep than Messi’s four goals then we are all doing something wrong,” pointed out Josep María Casanovas in Sport, who is very much in the leave Pep in peace brigade.

Although Barça’s week is a quiet one, giving Cesc Fabregas chance to pootle off to present an award at the Brits, three other clubs are in action in the Europa League. LLL is already looking forward to heading to the Vicente Calderón on Thursday night and cowering under its seat to hide from the 2,000 or so Lazio supporters who will be in attendance at the game in the Spanish capital. Still, the blog is sure that if Diego Simeone is standing between the blog and a mass of scary Italian support then it will feel quite safe, especially since Atlético Madrid have a 3-1 advantage to defend.

Marca are fretting about the 4,000 Stoke ‘ultras’ and ‘hooligans’ - supporters to everyone else - who will be descending on Valencia for the second of their Europa League clash on a day that is due to see demonstrations from students in the city. No such concerns over hordes of away fans for Athletic Bilbao, who will be looking to overturn a 2-1 deficit against Lokomotiv Moscow in the Basque Country.

Mourinho’s ear muffs, Zaragoza’s fear of ghosts and Banega’s tough break

Tim Stannard — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:45:00 GMT

The sign at La Liga Loca’s bus stop showed the temperature in Madrid to be -3 early on Tuesday morning. However, it didn’t feel that cold to the blog, despite the fact that it was wearing its favourite Dalmatian puppy fur-coat and sheepskin ear muffs.

So this is why LLL has no beef with fuss being made in the Madrid media about how chilly it’s going to be in the Russian capital for Tuesday’s Champions League clash between Real Madrid and CSKA Moscow. “It’s freezing!” complained a reporter for Spanish Television channel TVE1.

“Minus six but it will feel like minus 12!” proclaimed AS. “Minus 10 but will feel like minus 15!” yelled Marca.

To be fair to AS, the paper’s editorial does note that the temperatures won’t feel that bad for the footballers. “It will will almost feel bearable after the cold snap we’ve had in Spain” noted editor, Alfredo Relaño. However, you do get the impression that the likes of Marca would prefer it if the Madrid players were wrapped up in scarves, sporting mittens on a piece of string and were being handed cups of hot cocoa during the match by a handy helper with not much else to do. Nuri Sahin perhaps.

Although the cold may make things a little trickier - especially for Iker Casillas - the fact CSKA Moscow have not played a competitive game since December 7 due to the winter break will certainly help the visitors ‘Putin’ a decent performance (awful, just awful - ed). But then again, aside from three Barça games, the standard of opposition in la Liga has been so bad this year that neither has Real Madrid, perhaps.

On the domestic front, the final match of Round 24 of la Liga was completed on Monday evening, with an away win for Betis ending Zaragoza’s mini-revival, which had consisted of one victory. This now leaves Zaragoza at the bottom-of-the-table, 11 points from safety, but manager Manolo Jiménez has more spooky concerns. “Fear and ghosts are dominating us,” revealed the Zaragoza coach after Monday’s defeat.

Ever Banega’s doctor also spoke to the press on Monday to stop any more sniggering over a horrendous, painful and probably quite terrifying accident that saw the Valencia midfielder having his ankle crushed by his own car on Sunday. “It was a break more usual with a motorcyclist than a footballer,” observed Enrique Gastaldi after the hour-and-a-half operation on Banega’s broken ankle, an injury that will see the Argentinean out of action for at least six months.

Good Day, Bad Day: Ever’s accident, Messi’s miracle and Espanyol’s ascent

Tim Stannard — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:30:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
There was an awful lot of boasting in the Madrid press concerning the ease with which José Mourinho’s side beat Racing 4-0 at the Santiago Bernabeu - even though Racing were down to ten men for 52 minutes of the game.
“Incontestable authority,” bragged Marca, while AS editor, Alfredo Relaño exclaimed that “the team has everything. I’ve been watching the side for nearly 50 years and I think this is the best.”
But a down-beat José Mourinho summed up the mood of a match in which bravado was not required, by claiming the game was won without his players having to do too much. As you’d expect against a club that is in administration, could not afford to employ a new coach to replace Héctor Cúper, and whose annual TV income is about 10 times less than Saturday night’s rivals. Anything less than a convincing, no-alarms-and-no-surprises win would have been incredible in the correct sense of the word.

Leo Messi
“Messi has returned!” gasped AS on Monday, with LLL quite unaware the Argentinean had ever been away.
Cristiano Ronaldo, who had held a five goal advantage over Messi in the Pichichi chase, must have been left exasperated, as Leo quite brilliantly bagged the second four-goal haul of his career. The 5-1 thrashing of Valencia won’t make a Ken Dodd Diddy-Man of a difference in the title race, but it sure was fun to watch.

Espanyol
The Pericos only picked up a draw against Getafe on Saturday, but it was enough to send Espanyol into the Champions League places on goal difference.

Athletic Bilbao
Just as Sunday's San Mamés meeting with Málaga was threatening to turning into a bit of a tough tussle, Athletic smashed in three 'old skool' Basque goals - a goalmouth scramble and a couple of finishes from crosses - in four mad second half minutes. Athletic are now equal on points with Espanyol but out of the Champions League places on goal difference.

Rayo Vallecano
The side from Vallecas are on an astonishing run of the form, having won their past three matches, and now have the same number of points as Málaga and just two fewer than fourth placed Espanyol. The latest victory was a whopping 5-2 victory over Levante, making next week’s home clash with Real Madrid a tantaslising affair to say the least.

Andrés Palop
One of the big decisions made by Míchel the manager when taking over Sevilla was to drop Javi Varas to the bench and restore goalkeeping old timer, Andrés Palop between the sticks. In Saturday’s 2-0 win over Osasuna that move paid off, with the 38-year-old pulling off a couple of cracking saves at 1-0 to help hold the lead that was eventually extended in injury-time to 2-0.
“I’m enjoying every minute I play as I know that there aren’t many left,” the chuffed veteran enthused post-match.

Mallorca
LLL must admit that, much like the rest of the world, it didn’t see Mallorca's 4-0 win against Villarreal on Sunday coming.

Abel Resino
Granada are chuntering along nicely under new boss Abel Resino, who has now picked up three wins from four since taking over from Fabri. The last of these was in the sight of ski-slopes on a glorious looking morning in Granada with a 4-1 win over Real Sociedad, who were reduced to ten men in the first half, but that arguably wouldn’t have made any difference to the result.

Javier Clemente
The grumpy old goat wasn’t able to inspire Sporting to a win at home to Atlético, but there was certainly signs of life in the Asturians during the 1-1 draw.

Bad Day

Ever Banega
The Valencia midfielder is now out for the next six months having broken his ankle after being run over by his own car at a petrol station having forgotten to put the hand-brake on. That represents a bad way, however you look at it...

Atlético Madrid
The Rojiblancos remain unbeaten under Diego Simeone, but the side are currently unable to capitalise on this newfound solidity by converting the chances being created. Falcao was most guilty of goal-missing mischief on Sunday in a 1-1 draw at Sporting, the third stalemate in a row in la Liga for Atlético.

Levante
The 3-5 home defeat to Rayo sees Levante finally losing their hold on fourth spot, having not won in their eight games since December 10th. AS somewhat vaguely attribute this current malaise to “a lack of identity.”

Málaga
“A team that has 13 shots on goal and six chances in the first half has done more than enough to win,” complained Manuel Pellegrini after the 3-0 defeat at Athletic. That may be true, but it helps if those chances are converted. Málaga continuing to suffer from irksome inconsistency with the side’s last five games reading LWLWL.

Getafe
A considerably sprightlier display than the defeats against Real Madrid and Rayo but only a draw at home against Espanyol, when something more was probably deserved.

Lopo
The Getafe defender is set to miss the next three months with a fractured upper arm after a hefty challenge in Saturday evening’s Espanyol clash. It’s yet another injury to yet another member of the back four that Getafe have suffered this season. “Being a defender at this club is a high risk profession,” noted Getafe boss, Luis García.

Villarreal
A 4-0 defeat to Villarreal sees the side as veering between good, meh and blooming awful. Sunday’s defeat was very much in the latter camp.

Exclusive: Rayo boss Sandoval on miracles, Madrid and what Fernando Torres should do

Tim Stannard — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:48:00 GMT

If ever a manager had a tough job, it’s José Ramón Sandoval at Rayo Vallecano. Last season, the club’s entire future depended on achieving promotion to la Primera with a squad of players who weren’t being paid. This season, the job is to keep a club in administration in la Primera on a budget dwarfed by competitors.

So far, it’s mission accomplished with the Madrid side well away from the relegation zone and four points from the Champions League places with just over half the campaign gone. In an exclusive interview with FourFourTwo, the Rayo boss talks about how he survived last year’s struggle in la Segunda, the secret of Rayo’s success, Spain’s Euro 2012 chances, and how his enormous passion for English football may one day take him to the Premier League.

FFT: How did you motivate your players to win promotion last season when most weren’t being paid?
I put into place ideas from amateur football. The one thing I enjoyed about last year is my belief that football is about teamwork, effort and commitment. This is what motivates you, as it’s more than your own personal world or contracts or anything else.

Last year, when the players weren’t getting paid, I would go down to the dressing room and listen to their problems. I got to know their personal lives and problems, and I studied a lot when I got home. I got to know their world. When the results improved along with their self-esteem, it was all worth it. We made a conscious decision to isolate ourselves and form a common block between the coach and the players.

I have a background in lower-league football and if there’s one thing that’s forgotten in the professional world it’s what it’s like in amateur football, where players play because they want to and have passion. You mustn’t lose this desire of reaching the summit. When a player becomes a professional he needs to keep thinking about playing for a better team, being a better player. This can only be done through hard work and humility.

The message we spread in the dressing was "It’s possible". They would say "But boss, it’s not". That phrase became a motto in the dressing room. If you're looking for a result, then this message works.

Sandoval (foreground) spreads the good word

Were you nervous ahead of the first Primera match, at Athletic Bilbao? Did you know what to expect from your team?
I'm probably more ambitious than anyone else in the dressing room, but it can be contagious. I knew that with the players we'd brought in we could achieve our minimum goal, which was staying up. It was a difficult pre-season as we were in administration and there were players who weren’t training. The methods we used were to raise self-esteem and confidence. They way we involved the players was to say if you want to achieve something, you can do it.

The Athletic game was my first in la Primera, in a stadium that I love and where I wanted to make my debut. The confidence I had in my players was that if things went badly we’d reinvoke the spirit of last year: if you want to do it, you can. You have to keep believing in the players, even if you are in a higher division. We signed footballers who identified with our philosophy. We were much stronger out on the pitch than Athletic Bilbao because the players wanted it more.

Movilla at 37 didn’t want to retire, Lass at 17 wants to get better, Michu was a player at Celta and he shares my spirit, the spirit of the second division. Seven players, I think, made their la Primera debuts – but we were playing against a team in a similar situation with a new coach and new players.

One of those players you brought in was Dani Pacheco on loan from Liverpool. How is he progressing?
The Spanish rate players on the present rather than the past. He’s come from Liverpool, but didn’t really play for Liverpool. We're looking to get the best out of Dani Pacheco: up until now he’s had injuries so hasn’t been able to get going.

But it’s important that a player knows where he is. He’s at Rayo now, he has to work like a Rayo player. If not, then you won’t play. So we're working a lot with him on a psychological level and getting over to him what the spirit of Rayo Vallecano is, as he needs to identify himself with the badge. Even if you have a lot of quality, if you don’t play the way I want then you aren’t going to be included.

In contrast, Michu is having a fantastic season...
With patience, he could make the Spanish side. It’s a bit early to be thinking about Euro 2012, as we're talking about players in the team who are playing in the Champions League. But he’s someone that Vicente Del Bosque can look at afterwards. He’s strong going forward and works hard in defence. He has incredible strength in the air. He’d be an interesting player for the Premier League.

Michu (2nd right): "Yaaaaaaaay!"

What about you – would you like to coach in England one day?
It’s somewhere I’d like to end my career. I’ve got a great passion for English football. I watch everything I can, highlights and live games. I’m addicted to football! I’m passionate about everything to do with the English league. But it’s really important to speak English as I’m someone who’s at their best when I can connect with the players. Managing any team in England is one of my dreams.

Can you imagine a coach being in charge in Spain for 25 years like Sir Alex Ferguson?
It’s impossible in Spanish culture. I’d like it if it was. There’s no patience here: results rule, but in England it’s different. The supporters in England have a love and passion for what happens out on the pitch and it’s not just about the results. There’s isn’t much patience here. If a coach lost a Champions League game like Ferguson did [against Basle] he’d be out in the street in Spain.

Does La Liga have a future without a fairer redistribution of TV rights?
Everything in life must have balance. If you are going to have a fair league you need a balance in budgets and help for those teams with less resources. If not, it’ll become a league of two. This year, Real Madrid and Barcelona know how to compete against each other, but imagine if there were five teams who could fight against each other?

"How's YOUR recession?"

In the Belgian league, for example, a team reaches the Champions League and it doesn’t know how to compete. Rayo are a team with a budget of €7m competing with a team with €450m: it’s not good for the spectator. There needs to be more balance with budgets and the share of TV money.

The reference is the Premier League in the quality of players, organisation, the TV money share, the timetables. The fans are super happy because they can plan their trips to see their team. We need to be more professional in Spain. England is an example for everyone.

What would your advice be for Fernando Torres?
I’d tell him to stay in England, but he needs to work with a coach who understands him. Moving from one team to another was a big change for him. He has a lot of responsibility but what he needs is patience to make mistakes. His technique and intelligence are perfect for England. If I was coaching him he would be a team player. People demand that he’s a defining player, and he isn’t. At Liverpool, he scored a lot but he also set up a lot of goals. He was a reference for Liverpool. It was a shame when he moved to Chelsea. The fans didn’t want it.

Would you take him to the European Championships?
He has to go. He’s a key player for Del Bosque, but I don’t know if he’s a starter. Del Bosque looks at the group as a whole; Torres has won everything with him and he’s a key player for him.

"Well, that's nice to hear"

Who would be in your Spain XI for Euro 2012?
Spain's problem is that there are no fixed full-backs, so I think Sergio Ramos needs to play at right-back. Javi Martínez is doing very well at Athletic Bilbao and could be a candidate in the centre.

I’d take Roberto Soldado and Fernando Llorente as they offer different things and take Fernando Torres too. It’s great for Spain to be going into the European Championships with these three strikers. The front trio depends a lot on what Del Bosque wants. David Silva could play, or Juan Mata, or Andres Iniesta. It’s the system of play will decide who starts, but which ever footballer players it’s a luxury for a the Spanish team.

With Xabi Alonso and Sergio Busquets, Spain’s central midfield is the best in the world. Spain’s success comes from having phases when you can play Iniesta or Silva or Mata and get numerical superiority up front, then you have Sergio Ramos coming up-field, that’s going to be important. I think Del Bosque has been looking a lot at our left-back Jose Manuel Casado, he’s having a great campaign for Rayo and could be a key part of the Spanish side in the future.

Back to la Liga: do you think Unai Emery has the toughest job? Valencia can never make the top two but won’t go below third.
The fans there are very demanding, but they’re not looking for Valencia to win the league. What they want is for the team to be brave, to attack, to go toe-to-toe with Barcelona and Madrid. But it’s impossible to have the same quality of players as Madrid and Barcelona with their budget. Being third is being top of our league.

You have to see things as being half-full. If I was in charge of a team of this calibre, my first message would be "Win the league? Why not?" My first message at Rayo last season was "Promotion to la Primera". People thought I was mad, but I believed Rayo could go up. My first message this season is that Rayo must be here next year.

But my second message is to go for something more, although it’s difficult to say to the fans: to get Rayo into the Europa League. With hard work, anything is possible. But you have to have a great team, work 24 hours a day and study a lot. In the end, it’s just 11 against 11 when you play the opposition. Any match can be won, any match.

La Preview – Sevilla’s French middle finger, Marca’s maths and Piqué’s pique

Tim Stannard — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:13:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Getafe (12th) v Espanyol (5th) – 18.00 (local time)
Whilst Rayo are busy raising ticket prices, across town Getafe are dropping them to get more than a handful of fans into the Coliseum for Saturday’s Espanyol clash. Last week, LLL reported that tickets were being given away to supporters who spend more than €40 in the club shop, although the blog doubts there's anything in the club kiosk worth paying more than €40 for. A night out with Dani Güiza, perhaps.

AS report that Getafe are going a step further for the weekend’s clash by dropping the price for the cheapest ticket to €30, prompting speculation as to why that isn’t the usual price anyway, considering Getafe matches have hardly been thrilling affairs of late.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Racing Santander (18th) – 20.00
This week, Marca were able to veer away from their 10-point-lead-inspired "Real Madrid / Mourinho / Ronaldo is blooming fantastic" editorial theme to trumpet the publication of the paper’s 25,000th edition – a fine achievement. But this got the egg-heads at the ever-excellent Spanish sports media watchers La Libreta de Van Gaal a little suspicious.

La Libreta managed to dig out the front cover of Marca’s 20,000th edition from November 1st 2003. So according to Marca’s maths, they've published 5,000 editions in around 3,000 days – prolific, to say the least.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Sevilla (13th) v Osasuna (8th) – 22.00
You’d have thought that those footballing folks at Sevilla would be far too busy bedding in new manager Míchel while desperately spinning the message to fans that the former Getafe coach is the right man for the job and not an evil Madridista at heart.

But it appears that there was still time to have a pop at the French, currently Spain's bad guys after a satirical puppet show made unsubtle suggestions that all of Spain’s greatest sporting triumphs stemmed from some naughty medicinal help.

The likes of Marca and AS and even the Spanish government registered their displeasure – and for Míchel's debut at Real Sociedad, Sevilla sent the team out wearing shirts emblazoned with the logo “liberté, egalité, superiority”.

Technically, that kind of naughtiness is very much against FIFA regulations and is punishable if the referee reports it – but the man in the middle failed to take note, for some reason.
LLL Prediction – Home win

SUNDAY

Granada (17th) v Real Sociedad (11th) – 12.00
Last season, there was an awful lot of talk about the fine performances of Xabi Prieto, la Real’s impressive playmaker. Indeed there was even ‘Spanish international’ talk wafting in the wind at one point. This year, Prieto has been considerably quieter – but the midfielder bucked up his tactical ideas at last during Monday’s 2-0 win over Sevilla. “It was my best performance, but it wasn’t hard to beat the games I’ve played up to now,” he said, with commendable honesty.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Athletic Bilbao (6th) v Málaga (7th) – 16.00
There were helpful graphics appearing in Thursday's sports papers informing readers of how Athletic would be handle the freezing temperatures of Moscow in their Europa League tie with Lokomotiv; these ingenious measures included wearing things called gloves to keep their Basque handies warm. In the end, it wasn’t enough, with the Ruskies taking a 2-1 lead back to Bilbao for the second leg.

Atlético Madrid and Valencia kept the Spanish end up, as it were: the Rojiblancos gave Johnny Italian something to think about with a 3-1 win at Lazio, while Unai Emery’s men won 1-0 at Stoke thanks to a Mehmet Topal piledriver. “Football is played with your feet,” noted a sniffy Marca the next morning.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Sporting (19th) v Atlético Madrid (6th) – 18.00
Last week, the word on the Sporting street was that former No.2 Iñaki Tejada would replace Manuel Preciado after the longserving coach was dumped by the club. This is no longer the case. Instead, Sporting have appointed la Primera's prickliest figure, Javier Clemente; the Basque barnstormer is now in charge of his ninth club in Spain.

The message from Clemente when unveiled to the media and fans on Tuesday was very similar to that of Diego Simeone, the coach of Sunday’s opponents: “I’m going to ask [the players] for hard work, effort and sacrifice.” Fancy football is definitely going to be off the menu for Sporting who are currently six points from safety. “I’m not going to lose too much time looking at how to play pretty football. What’s most important is to be positive and win,” promised Clemente.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Mallorca (16th) v Villarreal (15th) – 18.00
A revival in form for the inspirational figure of Borja Valero has lead to a revival in form for Villarreal, who have now gone four matches unbeaten. It has also lead to a revival in stories concerning the midfielder moving to a bigger and better world next season – the Santiago Bernabeu. “They're talking about Real Madrid now,” chuckled the former WBA footballer. “It was Barça before. But I don’t think they are going to pay millions and millions for me,” said Borja with quaint modesty.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Levante (4th) v Rayo Vallecano (10th) – 19.45
Despite an impressive protest in the stands during Sunday’s clash with Getafe, the Rayo fans have lost a battle against the owners over the 'Day of the Club' against Real Madrid next week – the tradition that sees season ticket holders having to pay extra for their seat, normally in matches against the league leaders and Barcelona.

This year, socios will have to pay an extra €25 with the promise that there will be a reward some time next season. But as one fan noted to LLL, supporters were aware of the ‘Day of the Club’ plans at the beginning of the current campaign, so there wasn’t too much they could do it about it any way.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Valencia (1st) – 21.30
“Pep and Piqué, sitting in a tree, F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G”. That’s the infantile vibe coming out of Catalunya this week after the centre-back was punished for a lamentable display against Osasuna in la Liga by being made to sit in the stands during Barça’s 3-1 victory over Bayer Leverkusen. Reports are that Guardiola is not happy at all with his defender, due to his high-profile relationship with Shakira, footage of him rafting during his summer holidays, and playing football like a spanner.

However, Piqué’s apparent displeasure at being dropped from the team – and that of the footballer’s father José towards the manager – is a big positive for the pair, says a straw-grasping Joan Vehils in Thursday’s Sport. “The worrying thing would be if Piqué was happy to be in the stands and his father happy to fly to Germany and not see his son play.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

MONDAY

Zaragoza (20th) v Betis (14th) – 21.00
Least surprising headline of the week in the Spanish sports press concerned Zaragoza owner and president Agapito Iglesias, a gentleman who let’s just say has his fingers in all kinds of different pies. “Iglesias being investigated by tax authorities,” reports AS, concerning oddness during the sale of midfielder Ander Herrera from Zaragoza to Athletic Bilbao over the summer.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça blow title & Ronaldo gets a BFF

Tim Stannard — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 15:29:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 11 Feb Racing Santander 0-0 Atlético Madrid; Osasuna 3-2 Barcelona; Real Betis 2-1 Athletic Bilbao Sun 12 Feb Espanyol 0-2 Real Zaragoza; Málaga 3-1 Mallorca; Rayo Vallecano 2-0 Getafe; Valencia 4-0 Sporting Gijón; Villarreal 3-1 Granada; Real Madrid 4-2 Levante Mon 13 Feb 8pm Real Sociedad v Sevilla

GOOD DAY

Ronaldo
Marca's readers regularly vote the preening Portuguese ‘player of the week’ no matter what he's done. For instance, Ronaldo topped the poll after last week's 1-0 win over Getafe – when he wasn’t even the best player for Real Madrid, never mind the best in the division.

For once, he may well deserve the accolade after Sunday's hat-trick against Levante – his sixth treble this season. But what really seemed to make Ronaldo smile from ear to perfectly-tanned ear was that the Santiago Bernabeu crowd sang the footballer’s name for once, making them officially BFF.

Real Madrid
LLL supposes the team gets a Good Day slot, what with the whole probably-winning-the-league business after Barcelona’s defeat.

Valencia
Let’s just say that, after Wednesday’s cup knock-out against Barcelona, anything other than a home victory against Sporting would have been very unpopular among the fans. It may have taken an own goal and two in added time, but Valencia delivered.

Levante
Lost at Real Madrid but their plucky performance in the Santiago Bernabeu, coupled with the fact that they're still fourth in the league despite not winning any of their nine league games since 10th December, means that it was still probably a very good day for Levante.

Diego Ribas
The playmaking centre of everything fluffy, decent and good for an Atlético Madrid team who easily deserved to beat Racing by some margin. Instead the woodwork, iffy finishing and a brilliant opposition goalkeeper combined to create a third goalless draw for Atlético Madrid under Diego Simeone - but at least it wasn’t a Deportivo-style goalless draw. The Rojiblancos are now six games unbeaten, because it's six games since they conceded a goal. Impressive to say the least.

Málaga
A 3-1 win over Mallorca puts Málaga just one point from the Champions League places. Which is outrageously jammy considering the money spent and the fact that Manuel Pellegrini’s side have only picked up two victories in the past nine.

Osasuna
A classic smash and grab from Osasuna, whose bustling and impressive attacking performance against Barcelona will probably be overshadowed by much handwringing and wailing in the Catalan capital over another a failure on the road for the champions.

As José Luis Mendilibar noted after the victory, the win was down to hard work and a fair amount of fouling – which is why LLL will always have a soft spot for the Pamplona club, who are now one point off the Champions League places.

Michu and Diego Costa
Both players scored in Rayo’s 2-0 win against Getafe and look a formidable front two. Coach José Ramón Sandoval claims he's still looking down the table rather than up, despite being just three points from the European places; then again, about 12 teams are in the same mid-table boat, so that’s probably a good plan.

Betis
The Seville side needed that one. An injury-time winner against Athletic Bilbao on Saturday night slowed a slide down the table after five matches without a win.

Villarreal
A four-match unbeaten run including three victories, the latest being Sunday’s 3-1 victory over Granada: life looks a little better for Villarreal, who are now just six points off the Champions League places. Which is quite mad, really, considering the dog’s droppings of a season it’s been for the Yellow Submarine.

Toño
Racing's glove-wearer gave a goalkeeping display so good that tough-as-boots Atlético Madrid boss Diego Simeone waited outside the dressing room, not to rob Toño of his lunch money and give him a wedgie, but to congratulate him for his sterling work in the goalless draw. “It’s the first time something like that has happened to be,” remarked the relieved Racing man. “It was a very nice gesture.”

Zaragoza
Still going down but the rather unexpected 2-0 win away at Espanyol stopped a run of 14 league games without a victory which stretched back to the 16th of October.

BAD DAY

Barcelona
LLL suspects that Pep Guardiola's decision to rest Cesc Fabregas, Andrés Iniesta and Xavi Hernández against Osasuna was unavoidable. Despite the “we’ll fight until the very end” exhortations from the Catalan camp, the title race was already all but over.

The situation is that Barça have had three fronts to fight on – but with an already small squad further depleted by a whole stack of injuries, they don't have enough players. Last Wednesday's win against Valencia means they've reached the Copa del Rey final, but the Champions League knockout round starts on Tuesday with a trip to Bayer Leverkusen: what else is a manager supposed to do but tweak and twonk to get the best results from the available pool of players?

Wouldn’t Guardiola have received even more criticism had Iniesta and Xavi played for example and knacked themselves again, missing the Champions League games which Barcelona could then have lost?

Gerard Piqué
Then again, Pep’s player gamble might have paid off had Gerard Piqué not had a stinker of a match and been at fault for both of Dejan Lekic’s goals, which gave Barcelona far too much to do after the side’s traditional sluggish start on the road.

Espanyol
Home defeat to Zaragoza saw Espanyol blowing the chance to move into the Champions League places despite Levante’s loss. LLL was very much looking forward to hearing from Paul from Barcelona to find out what happened.

“Still wondering six hours later how Espanyol didn't win, but there are some days the ball just won't go in. Kalu Uche got a hat-trick – of sitters missed. Two good saves from the keeper, Coutinho hitting the bar and Verdu missing the follow-up.

"Then again we can't defend set-pieces and two of Zaragoza's three wins this season are against Espanyol. Zaragoza are poor but not the worst I've seen. Ref lost the plot and the linesman near me should visit an opticians. Had loads of puns about Zaragoza's HB pencil shirts. Looked sharp, came for the draw, shaded possession etc but am in a state of shock.

"MOM Coutinho. Looked good and was unlucky not to score.”
– Paul, Barcelona

Getafe
Looked as cold and miserable at LLL watching from the stands during the side’s 2-0 defeat to Rayo in Vallecas and its freezing temperatures, freezing wind and freezing pretty much everything. With last week’s loss to Real Madrid and the defeat in another city derby, the fact that Getafe have done next to nothing in both encounters will be the biggest gripe for Luis García who was less jovial than normal on Sunday, as to be expected.

La Preview: AS mull Mourinho movements as Zaragoza go for a record

Tim Stannard — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 11:21:00 GMT

Saturday

Racing Santander (18th) v Atlético Madrid (7th) - 18.00 (local time)
“Courage! Passion! Cojones! Courage! Passion! Cojones!” has been the very clear message from Rojiblanco coach Diego Simeone since taking charge of Atlético over Christmas. To be fair, this particular mantra has been a tremendous success, with his team yet to concede a goal, never mind lose a game during the newbie’s spell. So it’s time to drop in on the Argentinean ahead of another match and see if the power-mad positive vibe has changed at all.
“I am conscious that we can give so much more than we are all giving now and we are going to demand more from ourselves,” yelled Simeone during Wednesday’s press conference. So that’s a ‘no’ then.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (9th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
As if Real Madrid and Barcelona don’t have enough opportunities for big squabbles, another has arisen - the location of the Copa del Rey final. As ever, the Spanish FA don’t yet have a date for the show-piece event or any clue of where to play it. The mega-capacity Santiago Bernabeu would be ideal, but AS claim that this notion would be poo-pooed straight away by Real Madrid with the club giving all sorts of excuses such as security, building works and possible Champions League celebrations. However, the paper’s editor hits the mole on the head with a mop when writing that “the reality is that they don’t want it because they don’t like the idea of Barça winning the Copa in the Bernabeu.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (16th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th) - 22.00
LLL gets the feeling Javier Clemente doesn’t like Marcelo Bielsa and his fancy, passing football ways at his beloved Athletic Bilbao. In a tremendously rant-filled interview with ‘Quality Sport’, the former Athletic boss claims that “nothing has moved forward under Bielsa. There are no great changes. They are the same players.” The grumpy Basque so-and-so also discusses what would happen if anyone at the club tried to change the team’s traditional ‘local club for local people’ transfer policy. “He would last three weeks in Bilbao as the fans would finish him off. I would too.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Espanyol (5th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 12.00
A special challenge for la Primera’s bottom-dwellers this weekend. If Zaragoza fail to win, then the team will equal the worst run in the club’s history. Zaragoza have now contrived to go 14 matches in la Liga without a victory. Another failure this weekend will equal a record that has stood since 1943. Good work!
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (8th) v Mallorca (13th) - 16.00
Due to all the excitement of Marcelino’s sacking by Sevilla, LLL began to get a little bit carried away and thought Manuel Pellegrini was about to bite the bullet after Monday night's defeat to Granada left Málaga with just the single victory in eight games. Apparently the blog was not alone in sensing a firing in the pipeline, a whiff so big that the club’s sporting director, Fernando Hierro, came out to speak to the press on Wednesday to deny that there was any managerial movement in Málaga’s footballing bowels.
“There isn’t an ultimatum for Pellegrini or for anyone,” announced the former Real Madrid man. “I’ve spoken five or six times with him and he’s very excited about the project.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (12th) v Getafe (10th) - 16.00
And so Getafe’s quest to find fans continues. The least surprising news story of the week was in AS, who suggested few supporters would be making the short trip from Getafe to Vallecas to catch another Madridileño derby. However, Getafe don’t give up that easily with the paper also reporting that every punter who spends €40 in the club shop - although it is more of a small kiosk, to be fair - will be handed a free ticket to next weekend’s clash against Espanyol.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Sporting (19th) - 18.00
Valencia getting knocked out of the Copa del Rey at the semi-final stage by Barcelona sees Unai Emery’s men now completely focussed on the Europa League and the non-existent battle from teams below to grab the side’s solid as cement third-place perch. Sporting, meanwhile, have decided to stick with the former number two manager, Iñaki Tejada, at least until June after the recent sacking of Manuel Preciado.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (17th) v Granada (14th) - 19.45
It’s been two matches and two wins for Abel Resino as Granada manager, since taking over from the flat-topped, odd character that was Fabri. Curiously, the former Atlético boss is a former goalkeeper - the second in la Primera along with José Molina at Villarreal who Granada are facing this weekend - so Marca probed him thoroughly on his opinion on Spain’s current crop of goal-stopping supremos. “Valdés is the goalkeeper that I like the most,” opined Resino, “I think he is the most dominant in all the areas of being a goalkeeper. Casillas is very regular and has the advantage of competing since he was very young.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Levante (4th) - 21.30
There is an interesting juxtaposition in Friday’s AS, which boasts that José Mourinho has already begun to plan his team’s next pre-season - familiarising himself with the Manchester traffic system, perhaps. On the opposite page of a spread predicting that Mourinho will be taking Real Madrid back to Los Angeles, the paper also carries an article musing over whether a move to Spurs might be an option for Mourinho what with all the kerfuffle over Harry Redknapp and Fabio Capello.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Real Sociedad (15th) v Sevilla (11th) - 21.00
As usual, the sacking of an old manager and the arrival of another has seen footballers falling in line to praise the new coach up to his knee caps. Sevilla’s Manu del Moral couldn’t be happier to see Míchel at the Andalusian club with the forward having played for the manager at Getafe. “If I had to chose a coach to change this situation, then Míchel without doubt is the right one,” oozed Del Moral. “At Getafe he found a very similar situation and managed to change things around.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Barça fans prepare to chill out as Mirandés disappointed by unromantic Basques

Tim Stannard — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 14:36:00 GMT

This week in Spanish football will see some dreams ending, some beginning and some sort of about to start, but not quite. It's not unlike the semi-conscious, leg twitching, gurgling slumber induced when Aston Villa games are broadcast in Spain on a Saturday afternoon.

Plucky part-timers Mirandés harboured sweet dreams of another Primera upset in San Mamés on Tuesday night in their Copa del Rey semi-final tie, despite being down 2-1 to Athletic Bilbao from the first leg.

Unfortunately for the third-tier side, their Basque opponents are about as romantic and sensitive as a Premier League footballer approaching a bikini-clad Hollyoaks babe. There was no time wasted with small talk by Athletic, who got exactly what they wanted at the end of the night, a final date with Barcelona or Valencia.

Athletic went 3-0 up after just 22 minutes and eventually won the game 6-2 (8-3 on aggregate) in front of 40,000 fans. “It wasn’t the dream farewell,” admitted Mirandés coach, Carlos Pousa.

The Basque side must now wait and see who they will face in the final, with the European champions facing a couple of tough battles. The first is overcoming Valencia in a tie currently delicately poised at 1-1. The second is getting culés to come to the Camp Nou at nine on what is going to be a very chilly night indeed in the Catalan capital.

“We’ll be up for it,” promised Pep Guardiola. “And to those brave souls who go to the stadium, I tell them that we want to reach the final. That’s our desire,” said the Barça boss, who also claimed in what may be deemed a rather sexist manner that “it’s a match for men.”

Barcelona being 90 minutes away from reaching the Copa del Rey final has caused a bit of back-peddling for one particular Catalan, Lluís Mascaró of ‘Sport’. The journalist last season claimed the competition was worthless because Real Madrid won it. But he appeared to have changed his tine in Wednesday’s edition. “It was because Madridismo celebrated the cup as if it was the Champions League, when in reality it’s a lesser tournament than can’t save any campaign.”

Joining Mirandés in the 'fragile dreams being crushed' camp is Marcelino, who bade farewell to Sevilla in a Tuesday press conference after his sacking 24 hours beforehand. “Life deals out tough blows,” admitted Marcelino, in what was an emotional goodbye to a club he had mostly ruined.

Trying to repair some of the damage is Míchel, who will have a tough job trying to appease some of Sevilla's core support due to his rather Real Madrid-ish background. Oh, and the fact that his managerial career isn’t exactly a sterling one, aside from a single decent season with Getafe.

“For Sevilla fans, Míchel is the best coach in the world,” was the command from club president José María del Nido to the side’s supporters, who best give Míchel a very warm hand on his entrance in the team's next game in the Sánchez Pizjuán.

Cycling supersedes Marcelino’s Sevilla sacking in Spanish press

Tim Stannard — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:54:00 GMT

Spain’s twin cities are split over which direction to run in Tuesday morning's papers.

Over in Barcelona it’s all about Wednesday’s Copa del Rey semi-final against Valencia and Dream Boys president Sandro Rosell hobnobbing with David Cameron in Downing Street. The Culé King was in Old London Town for the Laureus awards, where Barcelona were handed yet another trinket. “Barça, the best team in the world,” purrs Mundo Deportivo’s front cover.

Football has been booted into touch like Pepe dealing with an opposition attacker (or midfielder/defender/goalkeeper/match delegate/sweet seller) in Marca and AS, with the Madrid-mad papers hopping mad over the two year suspension handed to cyclist Alberto Contador by the Court of Arbitration for Sport on Monday, after the he failed a drugs test during the 2010 Tour de France. “The victim of a band of bureaucrats,” fumes Marca’s editorial. “CAS has lost all its credit and done irreparable damage to cycling and sport.”

There isn’t even room in the papers to complain about referees favouring Barcelona. There is, however, coverage of la Primera’s eighth managerial change of the season, the sacking of Marcelino by Sevilla following a run of seven league matches without a victory. Winning just nine of the his 32 games in charge certainly didn’t help his case either, nor did the fact that Marcelo Bielsa was the first choice for the club in looking for a replacement for Gregorio Manzano last summer. Plus, the being deadly dull part as well.

Marcelino knew that his toast was burned on Sunday night after the 2-1 home defeat to Villarreal, admitting that “I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m sacked, but I’d understand any decision.”

“Changes in direction, obstinacy, and a lack of luck. The factors which sum up Marcelino’s disastrous phase with Sevilla,” strops José María López in Diario de Sevilla.

The lucky fella chosen to move snugly into Marcelino’s still warm seat is former Getafe boss and all around hunky so-and-so Míchel, who has a contract that runs until the end of the season, but that will renew automatically should Sevilla finish the league campaign in the top six.

LLL now suspects Manuel Pellegrini could well become change number nine in Spain’s top flight after his Málaga team were beaten 2-1 by Granada, who have put together back-to-back victories under new boss, Abel Resino. Málaga, in the meantime, are on a rotten run with just the single win in the past eight league games - and that was against Sevilla so may not count as a proper match, judging by their current form. The removal of Marcelino might not be the last bit of sacking activity in Andalusia if results don’t improve in another southern city.

Good Day, Bad Day: Busquets' new experience, Atlético & Valencia 'die ugly'

Tim Stannard — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:46:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 4 Feb Barcelona 2-1 Real Sociedad, Getafe 0-1 Real Madrid, Mallorca 1-0 Real Betis, Levante 1-1 Racing, Athletic Bilbao 3-3 Espanyol Sun 5 Feb Atletico Madrid 0-0 Valencia, Real Zaragoza 1-2 Rayo Vallecano, Sevilla 1-2 Villarreal, Sporting 1-1 Osasuna FIXTURE Mon 6 Feb Granada v Malaga

Good Day

Sergio Ramos
The defender is the man-of-the-moment in the Madrid press, who are admiring his willingness to stand up to José Mourinho, shout a bit both in the tunnel and on the pitch, clear balls up the field, score goals from corners and get sent off considerably less than before. “The soul of a leader” purrs Monday’s admiring headline in AS. The best of a boring bunch in Madrid’s 1-0 win at Getafe.

Barcelona
Although Barça aren’t tonking sides like in the good old days, Pep’s Dream Boys will take any win they can with the team’s injury list getting longer by the hour. The Catalan club began Saturday’s 2-1 win over Real Sociedad without Gerard Piqué, Xavi, Andrés Iniesta, Pedro, David Villa and Alexis in the starting line-up either through injury or being a bit tired.
The news got worse for Guardiola, with Sergio Busquets getting caught by a stud in the second half and feeling what it’s like to be genuinely injured for once in his life - the sensation was met with look of confusion and bewilderment.

Christian Tello
Yet another fancy-footed wide-man forward player type thing from Barça’s cantera production line, and a footballer scoring in his first Primera start for the club. Now, if they could only churn out a six-foot-five big man up front...

Levante
It's really hard to know where to stick Levante these days, because of the current contrast to the side’s storming 2011. The team have yet to pick up a victory in 2012, with Saturday’s 1-1 draw with struggling Racing being the fourth time in the new year that the side has failed to pick up maximum points in a fairly winnable home game.
But Levante are still in fourth - not a good observation on the quality of the chasing pack for the Champions League places, currently like a greyhound race on an ice rink - and need just three or four more wins to secure their Primera status, which let’s not forget was the main goal of the campaign rather than all this qualifying for Europe business.

Athletic Bilbao & Espanyol
LLL is still more than a little irked that it missed this cracking match due to the blog being in transit to watch a complete dirge-fest in the freezing cold between Real Madrid and Espanyol. As in last week’s clash against Rayo, Athletic scored three goals, but this time it wasn’t a win but a 3-3 draw with Espanyol managing the same feat, the final equalising effort coming in the dying seconds of the match.
With Valencia, Levante and Atlético Madrid all drawing, a point apiece won’t make either side particularly happy though, as the game was a fine chance missed to plant a crampon onto the icy slopes of the Champions League places and unpack the base camp tents. But for the crucial job of entertaining the supporters in freezing San Mamés and those as snug as a bug on their sofas, both clubs are honoured with a Good Day spot.

Thibaut Courtois
It wasn’t the Atlético Madrid goalkeeper’s fault Sunday’s goalless draw with Valencia was such a sludge-fest, so LLL must applaud the on-loan keeper for a fifth clean sheet in la Liga in a row.

Diego Costa
The striker - on-loan from Atlético Madrid - was making his debut for Rayo Vallecano, being one of four newbies to join during the winter transfer window. The Brazilian was also making his first La Liga start of the season due to injury. Nevertheless, the forward scored Rayo’s first goal in a 2-1 win at Zaragoza to help undo the damage of two costly home defeats in the Madrid club’s past two matches.

Mallorca
The blog is torn between its long-standing admiration of Mallorca manager Joaquín Caparrós, and its dislike of his limited, defensive side who have bored the nipples of the blog whenever it has seen their games. Still, Caparrós is doing what is being asked of him by keeping the team out of the relegation zone, even if it ain’t pretty to watch. That was certainly a description of Saturday’s 1-0 win over Betis, which the Balearic side managed despite being down to nine men.

Villarreal
Three matches undefeated now and win away at Sevilla sees Villarreal slowly pulling themselves away from their rather embarrassing temporary residence in the relegation zone.

Helder Postiga
Zaragoza’s Portuguese poacher is becoming a scorer of great goals, rather than a great goal scorer, after another stonking over-head effort against Rayo on Sunday.

Bad Day

Atlético Madrid & Valencia
Awful, awful, awful. Diego Simeone may have been a furious figure shouting “Courage! Fight! Courage! Fight!” to his Atlético players, but naff all happened in Sunday’s goalless draw in the Vicente Calderón aside from a late flurry of activity in the final seconds. “It was born ugly and died ugly,” was the apt match report from AS.

Marcelino
Events may well catch up with LLL, with Marcelino being sacked while the blog is going through the process of being written, sent, having the swear words removed, libelous comments adjusted, Arizmendi jokes extradited and the final results then being published. But the blog would not be at all surprised if it's the end of the road for the Sevilla boss in the meantime, after a home defeat to Villarreal on Sunday that leaves the team four points from the relegation zone.
LLL has actually started to feel a little bit sorry for Marcelino in recent games, as there has been attacking intent to Sevilla’s play but the strikers have been a little profligate in front of goal.

Luis García
LLL’s favourite Primera manager by a long, long way. Funny, smiley, open and always happy to admit when his Getafe side play badly or if the game is an absolute dog - something that was an apt description of Saturday’s 1-0 defeat at the feet of visiting Real Madrid.
“It was ugly for us, for the crowd” admitted García in a cold encounter he described as “strange” and that his side never got into, noting that Real Madrid largely bypassed the midfield for once. “We couldn’t rob a single ball,” was the reason given for a bit of a flat Getafe performance in the Coliseum.

Iñaki Tejada
A disappointing result for Manuel Preciado’s immediate replacement at Sporting - a 1-1 draw at home to Osasuna in a match where the Asturian side took the lead. “I’m the coach until they tell me otherwise,” said the former number two after the draw that keeps Sporting in the relegation zone, three points from safety.

Zaragoza
The home defeat against Rayo leaves Zaragoza without a league victory since 16th October and ten points from safety at the bottom-of-the-table.

La Preview: Transfers, tiffs, Googling and 'cojones, cojones, cojones'

Tim Stannard — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:00:00 GMT

Saturday

Mallorca (15th) v Betis (13th) - 18.00 (local time)
The side run by Joaquín Caparrós had a major boost on Wednesday, when Mallorca failed to land misfiring forward Javier Arizmendi from Getafe. Unfortunately, that minor moment of happiness was curtailed when former Betis boss and current Mallorca majority shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, went onto Radio Marca and told the station he wanted Betis to win Saturday’s match, a bit of a turn-up for the books to say the least. “You are putting me in a bit of a bind as you know what I feel. I would like Betis to win,” admitted the former coach, who has managed Betis on two occasions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (6th) v Espanyol (5th) - 18.00
Not that the Basque side really had much choice in the matter due to their player pickiness, but Athletic did not move into the transfer market during the winter window. Espanyol went quite craaazeee though, bringing in three footballers late in the day. Former Barça and Getafe midfielder, Víctor Sánchez, escaped the imploding Neuchatel Xamax and returned to Spain. The Pericos also boosted their attack by picking up Coutinho on loan from Inter Milan and rescued another Neuchatel orphan, Kalu Uche, who was with Almería last season.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (4th) v Racing Santander (17th) - 18.00
Perhaps LLL’s favourite bit of stuff and nonsense from the deadline day came from new Racing midfielder Marcos Gullón, who has joined from Villarreal. Quite naturally, the 23-year-old wanted to make a good impression at his presentation on Wednesday and noted that Racing was “a good club to begin at in the Primera,” even though LLL suspects Gullón will be in la Segunda in about four months time.
But even so, it was a solid start. But then the former Villarreal man got a little bit carried away with the occasion by boasting that Racing was “an historical Primera club” (LLL - debatable), has done “important things” in the league (LLL - trophies won = zero) and had been in Europe (LLL - once). If Gullón is a slick on the pitch as off it, Racing have a real thunderbolt on their hands.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (9th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
A match against Getafe always brings up Pepe’s on the pitch problems, thanks to his giant wig-out that saw poor Javier Casquero used as rugby ball in April 2009. This is rather unfortunate timing as Real Madrid’s short-tempered stopper is only just starting to live down his last unfortunate incident, the Leo Messi hand stamp.
Pepe was a topic of conversation for Getafe striker, Miku, who will be up against a defender and a team he scored two goals against in this season’s Santiago Bernabeu clash in a 4-2 defeat. The question posed was whether Miku was afraid of the big, bad Pepe. No, was the reply, “I train with Cata Díaz every day,” scoffed the forward bringing up the topic of Getafe’s own physical enforcer who had a fun ‘discussion’ with Marcelo not so long ago.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (2nd) v Real Sociedad (12th) - 22.00
The Clásico buzz has definitely worn off in the Spanish media, and it appears that this week nobody can really be bothered to do that much work. Lazy reports about referees favouring Barça/Madrid have been published dutifully. AS noted that there are more Google searches for José Mourinho’s name in Barcelona than in the Spanish capital. Marca have been trying to work out what needs to happen for Real Madrid to time their league title win with getting a guard of honour at the Camp Nou.
In Barcelona, Sport has noticed that it is rather cold in Spain at the moment and predicts that Pepe’s Dream Boys will be glove-tastic and will be playing Saturday’s match with the temperatures at -4. Good job that fantastic atmosphere in the Camp Nou will warm them up, eh! (LLL runs for cover).
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sporting (19th) v Osasuna (10th) - 12.00
It's been a tough week for poor old Sporting, with the tearful sacking - from the guy doing the firing - of manager, Manuel Preciado, after nearly six seasons in charge. It’s a move that supporters seem to be behind, all be it reluctantly, but there is great resentment towards the footballers who they feel are just as responsible for Sporting being in the relegation zone due to nocturnal naughtiness.
Signs at training this week called for “less going out, more effort,” with one slogan painted onto a wall of the club suggesting “cojones, cojones, cojones,” as being the only way out of the team’s predicament. AS reports that the club has responded to such criticism by planning to have a 23.00 curfew players for any nighttime excursions.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (11th) v Villarreal (18th) - 18.00
Now LLL likes sticking its beak into a bit of a scandal, especially when there’s much ado about nothing. This week’s storm in a thimble came at Sevilla, when it looked like there had been a training ground spat between Freddie Kanouté and manager Marcelino, with the striker heading to the dressing room early after strong words were said between the pair.
Not so, apparently, with the excuse that Kanouté was merely a bit moody after being told that he could no longer train due to a knock he was carrying. “During no moment of the season has there been problems between then,” informed a club statement sternly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (20th) v Rayo Vallecano (14th) - 19.45
Tired of all the conflict and cattiness in football? No? Well, nor is LLL. But despite this, the blog's cockles were tingled by the sight of supporters of both sides in the Rayo against Athletic Bilbao clash from last weekend in Vallecas. An occasion that included Athletic fans singing Rayo songs (happy, heavy sigh of kitten-like contentment)
LLL Prediction - Away win

Atlético Madrid (7th) v Valencia (3rd) - 21.30
Valencia gave themselves a decent chance of getting through to the Copa del Rey final with a 1-1 draw against Barcelona in Mestalla. Part of the reason for not losing the tie was Unai Emery not believing a word of Barça’s injury reports, especially in relation to Alexis and a remarkable recovery after last week’s Clásico clash.
“We lost Albelda this morning, and Soldado had a serious injury and we had to operate on his knee,” joshed the Valencia manager ahead of last Wednesday’s game.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Granada (16th) v Málaga (8th)
An embargo enforced upon Málaga for outstanding money owed to Osasuna for Nacho Monreal meant that the southern side had their purses snapped shut during the winter window, aside from the incorporation of goalkeeper, Carlos Kameni into their ranks. Granada however, pulled of a potentially great coup by bringing in Brazil U-20 World Champion striker, Henrique Almeida, who joins on loan from Sao Paolo.
LLL Prediction - Draw

A Sad Day at Sporting and Athletic's Copa Cruise

Tim Stannard — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:26:00 GMT

It is with a heavy heart – and yes, LLL does have one – that the blog must report the firing of Manuel Preciado. The long-time Sporting manager, smoker and swearer extraordinaire has been through horrendous personal tragedy but has kept going despite all the horrible stuff life has thrown at him, including the death of his wife, son and then father.

Preciado took a severe professional blow on Tuesday when he was told that his services with Sporting were no longer required after nearly six seasons in charge and 232 official games. The last of those was against Real Sociedad: a 5-1 defeat to leave the team in relegation zone.

Although Preciado has been in many a sticky spot before with Sporting and survived, this current bad run was one too many for club president Manuel Vega-Arango, who announced emotionally during a joint press conference that "I don't know if the decision will be good or bad, but it has been very considered. There was enormous sadness in taking it."

The now-former coach took the bad news with dignity, saying that "I will be with this team for life." It seems the Sporting supporters have the same affection, with 'Thank you Preciado' becoming a top Twitter trending topic in Spain.

The other big news oop north in Spain was the Copa del Rey semi-final first leg between third-tier Mirandés and Athletic Bilbao in the ground of the mighty minnows. But unlike those flimsy nanny-pants sides Villarreal and Espanyol, the battling Basque team were not going to be the evening's Primera butt-monkeys and came away with a 2-1 lead to take back to Bilbao thanks to a couple of goals from the currently imperious Fernando Llorente.

The other, less glamorous tie takes place on Wednesday evening, with Valencia hosting Barcelona – who by all accounts have been having a spot of bother on the road this season.

Because both Leo Messi and Sandro Rosell have used the word 'referee' in recent comments, the Madrid press have got into quite a tizz saying that the Catalan side, their backs up against the photocopier, are lowering themselves by resorting to tactics used by the likes of, well, Real Madrid.

Admittedly, one particular method of the capital club's manager is to wait for a referee to go to his car after a game and then hurl insults at him – an action that, quite remarkably, will go unpunished.

"This is bad news for football," noted Marca's editorial on Wednesday, commenting on the Barça president observing that things weren't going too well for them this season with refs. "This murky territory of making complaints appeared until now to be the exclusive territory of Mourinho."

With La Liga's big two currently chorusing "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me" it appears that the referee in Wednesday's cup clash will be under just as much scrutiny as the players.

Are Diego Simeone's Atlético Madrid becoming 'the new Osasuna'?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 10:43:00 GMT

To the those still finding their way around la Liga, Osasuna are constantly referred to in Spain as a very ‘British’ team.

It is a description that is simultaneously both complimentary and insulting to Her Majesty’s sporting honour. It praises the ‘raw and honest’ qualities of the British game and of the Pamplona club, as well as its passionate and ever-so-slightly bonkers crowd. There is also the strong and snooty implication that British football is violent, peppered with long balls and packed with ankle-smashing tackles, which is a fairly apt description of how Osasuna go about their football business.

For those who wonder if Valencia are ready for Stoke in their upcoming Europa League clash, or whether Barcelona could transfer their fancy pants game from la Primera to the Potteries, watching 90 minutes of a fixture featuring Osasuna will provide a good insight. It’s the closest the beautiful game gets to cage fighting.

About a month ago, a positively flimsy Atlético Madrid would have been smashed to smithereens at Osasuna, after all, the side had yet to win away all season and Osasuna are notoriously tough to beat at home. But then Diego Simeone - a tough-tackling, tough-talking, downright scary midfielder back in the day - took over as manager, and is starting to transfer some of those qualities to his new side.

Despite only taking over at the Vicente Calderón at the end of December, the Argentinean coach has transformed Atlético Madrid into the mirror image of himself, a team with the emphasis on physicality rather than flair, despite the talent of players such as Diego, Arda Turan and Falcao in the ranks.

Under the stewardship of Simeone, the Rojiblancos have managed a draw and three wins and have yet to concede a goal, a record that has moved Atleti into seventh, two points from the Champions League places, a position that was completely unthinkable at Christmas. The last of those victories came on a cold and frosty Monday night in Pamplona in front of Osasuna’s usual baying crowd.

In a match of few chances, Atlético’s goal in the 1-0 victory came from Diego Godín in a corner move that saw the visitors make sure the ball went in by any means necessary. At the other end, the back four withstood Osasuna’s usual ferocity and physicality.

“Courtois showed in a ‘British’ ground that he’s ready for the Premier League,” purred an admiring Kiko Narvaez in AS, on the keeper currently on loan from Chelsea.

José Luis Mendilibar, Osasuna’s gruff manager, could do nothing but admire the new buff, bludgeoning Atlético, despite the defeat. “Atlético beat us in intensity and aggression.”

The victory puts Atlético back on track to achieve their main goal this season - Champions League football, which in turn will help fight off the financial crisis they are currently embroiled in after years of hirings, firings and terrible signings. It also gave another indication that, despite Simeone’s ways being a little basic and a mix between Dave Bassett and Kevin Keegan, they are getting results.

“(After the game) the Atlético players embraced as if Charlize Theron had promised them a date with her ten twin sisters,” noted Iñako Díaz-Guerra in his match report in AS.

LLL was hoping - against all odds, of course - that’s Atlético’s incredible and admirable rebirth might see the side sneaking an appearance on the front page of either of the Madrid papers on Tuesday morning, considering there isn’t too much else going on in Mordor this week.

Sadly, it was not to be with Real Madrid and José Mourinho still dominating the landscape. And that’s a big, old shame as its the club’s neighbours who are the true big story in the Spanish capital at the moment. And for once, it’s for the right reasons.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça’s local battering and same old story at the Bernabeu

Tim Stannard — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 17:00:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
It was a very familiar story at the Santiago Bernabeu on Saturday. Real Madrid started off at a snail’s pace, waited until the opposition had scored an unlikely goal - Zaragoza in this case - then woke up a little, before polishing off their visitors without too much fuss or bother. The major difference to other games was perhaps that Madrid only managed to score three goals, when five or six against the bottom-of-the-table side was expected. If this update was a very long tweet thing, then it would be #autopilot. In fact, the blog likes that idea so much, it’s going end every single one of today's entries with a hashtag. So there.

Esteban Granero
From the wilderness and a possible loan deal with Betis, to a starting role in the side in the space of a couple of weeks, ever since Sami Khedira got injured and José Mourinho caved in to pressure from the press to play “the good ones” in the starting line-up. The players with creative flair, as opposed to Pepe in the midfield, for example. #graneronotapsycho

Espanyol
Goodness grief. A 1-0 win over Mallorca for Espanyol moves the Pericos up into fifth. Let’s hear how it happened with Paul from Barcelona.
“A weird day, a weird goal and even weirder refereeing decisions. Question - why is it that the two dirtiest teams in La Liga wear identical kits? Move over Osasuna there's a new gang of thugs in town. Last week we had that idiot, Jara, trying to maim someone, this week we had ten of them.
The goal - a comedy of errors doesn't do it justice, a through ball from Verdú,Weiss is beating the defender to the ball, he receives a body-check ice hockey style. A penalty! But no, the ball bounces up, the keeper dives over Weiss, grabs the ball, lands, the ball breaks free, Weiss puts it into an unguarded goal. The keeper then claims he was fouled. By whom? Defender is down feigning injury to avoid red card. Genius
Overall, a good result, not the best performance against a team who will hopefully will go down and will smash the most reds in a season record.”
Paul, Barcelona

Fernando Llorente
Llorente's three goals in a cracking 3-2 win against Rayo takes the powerful lad from Pamplona to ten league goals for the season, the same as Karim Benzema. Amazingly though, it was the first league hat-trick of his career.
LLL is thinking that, on current form and ability, Roberto Soldado, Alvaro Negredo and Fernando Torres are way behind the Athletic forward in the pecking order for a start with the Spain. The three goals against Rayo showed Llorente’s strengths, a couple of habitual headers and a lovely strike from the edge of the box. #goodtouchforabigman

Málaga
Blimey, Málaga needed that one. The 2-1 victory over Sevilla saves a little bit of the sorry season so far for the southerners. “I hope this is the beginning of a positive run and lets us fight for our objectives,” said Manuel Pellegrini after the game. #stillawasteofmoney

Dani Güiza
The Getafe striker may not have known much about his goal in the 2-1 win at Levante which deflected off his leg, but the Euro 2008 winner will take it, considering it was only the striker’s third since rejoining Getafe. #celebratorydrinksallround

Real Sociedad
La Real really are doing very well at the moment, having lost just the one match in eight. The latest victory was the 5-1 thumping of a sorry Sporting in San Sebastian. #mid-table

Abel Resino
A big yay for grumbly, grouchy Abel Resino who made a winning return to la Primera as the new boss of Granada with a 2-1 victory at Betis. #stillgoingdown

Racing
The side from Santander continue their feisty run of football matches with a 2-2 draw against Valencia, with an equalising goal coming in the final minutes of the game. #probablystillgoingdown

Villarreal
When Villarreal crashed and burned against Atlético Madrid a couple of weeks ago, LLL was sure that the fallen giants were so abject that even Pep’s Dream Boys on the road would be able to take care of them quite comfortably. But a big box of chocolates will be on the way to El Madrigal from Mordor, as keeper Diego López and a hardworking display from the rest of the team shut out Barça for 90 minutes - only the third side to achieve this in la Liga this season. #toogoodtogodown

Bad Day

Barcelona
It’s not so much the notion that a plump and proud Real Madrid now have a seven point lead at the top of the table that is really going to bug the Barça boys. The sixth time this season that Barça have been rusty on the road won’t be that bad in comparison for what’s coming up. It’s the tutting, sighing and finger pointing from the local press for the next few weeks that going to grind Barça’s gears.
“The worst Barça of the Guardiola era,” fumed Lluís Mascaró in Sport rather harshly, despite the paper’s cheery front cover claiming that the side “won’t give up.” “They can’t give us an ultra-motivated display against Madrid and then give a poor one against Villarreal,” complained Joan Vehils.
These mumbles and grumbles are likely to get louder and louder over the next three weeks with Pep’s shrinking squad facing Valencia three times in the cup and league and with a fun trip to Osasuna to come, as well. #allbutgivenup

Valencia
The Valencia side better be saving something special for the cup double-header against Barcelona as 2-2 at Racing Santander along with two more draws and a loss in 2012 certainly isn’t going to go down well with the fans, especially after conceding a 2-1 scoreline to Racing in the last two minutes of the match. #lazyitis

Levante
LLL was just about to write something soothing and sympathetic about fatigue affecting Levante’s old codgers in the 2-1 home defeat to Getafe which left the fourth-placed outfit - yes, still - without a win in five. But then the blog read comments from 35-year-old, Juanfran, who dismissed the notion as pure puppy poop.
“Someone who works 12 or 14 hours is tired,” scoffed the defender. “Personally, I think it’s lamentable to look for excuses that we are tired. It seems very sad to say that as we are a veteran squad we are tired.” #summerholidaysalready

Marcelino
Oh dear, a failure in a second derby in the past two weekends for the Sevilla boss certainly isn’t going to help Marcelino’s cause, whose team have now gone six matches without a win. #doomeddoomed

Betis
An awful result for Betis who lost 2-1 at home Granada who were playing just their first game under new coach, Abel Resino. “We aren’t this team,” lamented an existential Pepe Mel. “We’ve never been this before.” #ohyesyouhave

Rayo Vallecano
Coach, José Ramón Sandoval, mused a couple of weeks ago that Rayo’s back-to-back home games against Mallorca last weekend and then Athletic Bilbao would be crucial to the side’s survival chances. LLL hopes the manager is wrong as the two games were lost. The second defeat, Saturday’s thriller against Athletic Bilbao, sees Rayo now just two points from the relegation zone with just three wins from ten games in Vallecas, a home that was supposed to be a strong point for the side this season. #relyingonDiegoCostaohdear

Sporting
LLL can’t even write ‘a battling performance from Sporting, but a defeat’ which has been a familiar phrase used by the blog before to describe the Asturian’s 5-1 thumping by Real Sociedad. “I would understand any decision, but it’s not me that would have to take it,” growled manager, Manolo Preciado, after the loss. #cannon fodder

La Preview: Espanyol’s embarrassment, Mourinho’s madness & a fan club’s lack of faith

Tim Stannard — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:20:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Espanyol (5th) v Mallorca (14th) – 18.00 (local time)
Oh dear. A Copa del Rey quarter-final knock-out over two legs by the mighty Mirandés sees Paul from Barcelona getting a special guest appearance to explain away the "shameful, shameful, the blog tells ye!" embarrassment.

“Basically I never mind when the better team wins. And this is one of those occasions. Mirandés were better over the two legs and thoroughly deserved to go through, Espanyol created nothing and got what they deserved. Giving away stupid free kicks in the last minute was ridiculous. A poor performance and boy do we need a striker. I may be in hiding for some time. –– Paul, Barcelona"
LLL Prediction – Home win

Rayo Vallecano (13th) v Athletic Bilbao (7th) – 18.00
The Copa del Rey quarter-final job was probably already done in Mallorca, with Athletic going into Wednesday’s home leg holding a 2-0 advantage. But speaking of advantageous legs, a wonderful air-shot from Mallorca keeper Juan Calatayud certainly helped the Basque side on their way to an encouraging semi next week.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Zaragoza (20th) – 20.00
One would have thought the ever-cheerful, magnanimous José Mourinho would have all been with the handshake and "Great sporting spectacle, old bean" after the spiffing 2-2 draw with Barcelona on Wednesday. But apparently not according to the Madrid manager’s spokesman, Eladio Paramés, on his Twitter account.

Down in the depths of the Camp Nou parking garage, Mourinho apparently had words with referee Teixeira Vitienes, shouting at the Clásico's man in the middle that “You screw over those who are working. You don’t respect serious professionals, now’ll you smoke a cigar and go off laughing, it’s a disgrace.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Villarreal (17th) v Barcelona (2nd) – 22.00
Whilst the Madrid media have taken the draw and Copa del Rey knockout to Barcelona as a victory (because the side wasn’t as humiliated as usual), the Catalan capital has turned once more into Gloat City, especially in reaction to José Mourinho’s reported comments to the match referee.

“When he talks more about robberies they talk less about him, the real loser of this story,” wrote Sport's Joan Batlle of Mourinho’s cunning tactics. “'Gentleman of honour',” scoffs Mundo Deportivo's JM Artells, invoking a phrase from Real Madrid’s anthem.
LLL Prediction – Away win

SUNDAY

Betis (12th) v Granada (18th) – 12.00
For a while, Fabri’s snow-white flap-top and potty-mouthed ways were doing just fine for Granada. But then a bit of poor form, along with a public rebuke of some of his players for not training hard enough, pushed Granada president Quique Pina into dispensing with the coach who delivered back-to-back promotions and Primera football to the club. Meanie-head.

Former Atlético Madrid manager – and there are an awful lot of them kicking about – Abel Resino has taken over, and he has a plan. Oh yes. “They are better footballers than they believe,” said the one-time goalkeeper, giving some love to his players.

Beep, beep! News flash: Resino actually has two plans to stay up. The second is blind faith. “I believe there are four or five worse teams than Granada.” Unfortunately these sides weren't named, but LLL imagines one rhymes with Laragoza.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Real Sociedad (15th) v Sporting (19th) – 16.00
If your team are probably going lose and eventually get relegated, then you’d might as well make some cash out of it to ease the pain. That was certainly the view of one particular Sporting fan group, who won nearly €91,000 on Spain’s equivalent of the football pools – by correctly betting on a home win for Villarreal against their boys last Monday.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Levante (4th) v Getafe (11th) – 16.00
With Levante flagging a little at the start of the new year, it’s reinforcements ahoy in Valencia. The forgotten man of Racing Santander, Oscar Serrano, rode in to save the day and get sent off on his debut in the cup against Valencia. “Levante is a club that goes for players with my profile,” said the midfielder, more or less admitting to be cheap, desperate and limited but willing.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Racing Santander (16th) v Valencia (3rd) – 18.00
Valencia have enjoyed Ever Banega disappearing from games, and turning up late for training still giddy from the night before, so much that the club has decided to give the Argentinian midfielder a contract extension from 2013 to 2015. And not because of a plan to sell him this summer, repeating the manoeuvre of Valencia-for-life Juan Mata. “We’ve renewed him not with the intention of selling him, but that he stays here,” claimed Valencia president Manuel Llorente, convincing no one.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Málaga (10th) v Sevilla (9th) – 21.30
It’s with a heavy sigh that LLL faces the battle of the drop-outs: midtable moneybags Málaga against sorry Sevilla. But the blog might have to scratch the ‘moneybags’ part, as it seems that Málaga may not flash with cash after all: the LFP have barred the club from signing anyone this January until €2m owed to Osasuna is paid for Nacho Monreal, bought over the summer.

Up there with “I tripped and fell into the life-boat” for excuses is Málaga’s explanation for this unfortunate event. “The consequence of complexities in approving budgets and transactions with foreign institutions,” was the official excuse from the Qatari-owned club, who also fell behind in payments with Valencia and Villarreal for Isco and Santi Cazorla.
LLL Prediction – Away win

MONDAY

Osasuna (6th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) – 21.00
So, here’s the theory behind an advertising campaign to get supporters to be season tickets for the second half of Atlético Madrid’s season. Whilst LLL would have gone for “it probably won’t be as bad as the first half”, advertising bods have run with the old-school notion that a human soul weighs 21 grammes. Atlético have two million fans in la Liga goes the blurb, meaning that the Rojiblancos have two tonnes of soul behind them for the next five months. And if they re-sign Maniche, they could have two tonnes of player.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Real Sociedad to Zaragoza

Tim Stannard — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:15:00 GMT

FourFourTwo.com's Primera pundit Tim Stannard presents the final part of his half-term report card...

Real Sociedad - current position 15th
The mission for la Real this season is to try and gain some stability under French boss Philippe Montanier and allow a group of talented, home-grown, still-whiffing-of-compost footballers to bed-in, while also avoiding the drop from la Primera. It’s a mission that went a little off track for a while, with the newbie boss nearly getting ‘le boot’ back in November after a run of eight league games from which just two points were picked up. But the Basque big-wigs remained firm - just about - and la Real have since started to solidify like stale jelly. They've even been responsible for two of the goals of the season, a couple of halfway line zingers from Iñigo Martínez.
LLL Rating: B-

Sevilla - 9th
Horrible. Quite horrible. But that’s been Sevilla for the past couple of seasons as they’ve gone through managers like Pep Guardiola gets through Rogaine. The latest ‘new, new, new’ project leader is Marcelino, who took over from Gregorio Manzano in the summer. Marcelino’s job was to tighten a horribly leaky defence without damaging a talented forward line.
Although the first part of that mission went reasonably well at start, Sevilla have begun to let goals through at one end whilst failing to score at the other. This is largely the fault of the new boss, whose defensive instincts are such that LLL is sure snipers have been put in place to prevent any Sevilla player bar Alvaro Negredo crossing the halfway line. Pants, pants, pants, pants and if it carries on much longer, Marcelino is a goner, and a good thing too.
LLL Rating: D-

Sporting - 19th
As much as it will disappoint the Spanish public, many of whom see Sporting are a bit of a second favourite due to their fiercely loyal (and mass-traveling) fans and the wonderful Manolo Preciado, this may well be the season that Sporting return to la Segunda after four seasons of top-flight tussling.
It’s not really anyone’s fault. Sporting have few resources, struggle to attract anyone to play for them and are running their little Asturian socks off just to stand still. Sporting will need at least seven more victories in the second half of the season, and it’s tough to see where they will be coming from. Aside from the Atlético Madrid match.
LLL Rating: C-

Valencia - 3rd
Perhaps the reason Valencia fans are generally so grumpy and easy to displease is that the club is stuck in some kind of limbo, perhaps until the end of days in la Liga. The team is never, ever going to be good enough to move above Barça or Real Madrid. But then again, the Mestalla men will rarely be bad enough to slip out of the top three, despite it very much being a selling club due to a pile of debt and a new stadium to build.
And so Valencia will plod along, looking to sniff about for the odd Copa del Rey or European glory along the way. Both are still up for grabs for the club in January - although it’s unlikely Stoke City in the Europa league was what fans and Unai Emery in mind - so it has been a reasonable enough season so far for Unai Emery’s men.
LLL Rating: C-

Villarreal - 17th
While Villarreal fans are hoping to chuckle away in the shower in May over an entire terrible year that was all just a bad dream, Bobby Ewing-style, it ain’t going to happen. Injuries to strikers Nilmar and Giuseppe Rossi, falling into the relegation zone, a pointless - literally - Champions League campaign and the sacking of the previously imperious Juan Carlos Garrido all really happened.
The one crumb of comfort is that Villarreal can’t possibly have a worse second half to the season than the first - after all, that would mean relegation. Something, quite, quite unthinkable for a team that has achieved so much in recent years.
LLL Rating: F

Zaragoza - 20th
Same old, same old for Zaragoza. Sack the manager who kept them up last season and bring in a bunch of new players over the winter window, hoping for a repeat performance. That’s the game plan of Agapito Iglesias, owner and president of Zaragoza, and a gentleman that the fans would dearly love to see the back of after dragging the club further and further into debt and administration over the summer.
Zaragoza have only picked up two wins all season and the blog really can’t see the side picking up eight or nine more and the odd draw in the team’s remaining matches.
LLL Rating: F-

Part One: Athletic Bilbao to Granada
Part Two: Levante to Real Madrid

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Levante to Real Madrid

Tim Stannard — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 15:08:00 GMT

FourFourTwo.com's Spanish specialist Tim Stannard continues to run the rule over the first half of the 2011/12 season in the Primera Liga...

Levante - current position 4th
Given Levante are in the Champions League places it would take Pepe-level madness to not hand out top marks to the biggest swats of the class this season, Levante.
Under new coach Juan Ignacio Martínez, Levante have continued in the first half of this season where the Valencia team finished the second half of the previous campaign - like a steam roller plodding along at 30 miles per hour. The team may be overtaken by a bunch of other teams come May, but it’s very hard to stop their momentum in the meantime. The veteran back five have been magnificent, the midfield industrious and the forward line brutally efficient in converting chances.
There is the feeling, though, in LLL’s waters that once Levante wheeze over the 42 point mark, which could be done by the end of next month, then a slide down the table would be inevitable, with a European place neither feasible or perhaps desirable given the limited size of their squad.
LLL Rating A+

Málaga - 10th
An enormous stinker of a disappointment. In a season where Osasuna, Levante and Espanyol are currently dueling it out for fourth spot, it should have been a cinch for Málaga to have swooped in to join the party, having invested €58m on nine shiny new players over the summer. The club’s owners must surely have expected more bang for their buck than the current 10th spot and barely a memorable performance thus far in la Liga.
Manuel Pellegrini has claimed a lack of effort, concentration and energy from his players, with Santi Cazorla - the most expensive of the lot - suggesting the team need to be a little less prissy in their play and considerably more effective. Of the nine signings, only Isco has done the footballing business, with Ruud Van Nistelrooy looking particularly ineffective and upset at his lot. Julio Baptista is due to return soonish, but if Málaga fail to make at least top six this season, by gum drops there will be some heads rolling in May.
LLL Rating: D-

Mallorca - 14th
Institutionally, it was a rocky start for Mallorca. Michael Laudrup fell out with majority shareholder Lorenzo Serra Ferrer over signings, style and most probably what to have breakfast - LLL suspects a herring vs chocolate donut debate. The team were doing just fine though, and that’s how it has continued under Joaquín Caparrós who took over from the Dane. The most experienced coach currently managing in la Primera will keep a club in administration and with a limited squad up for another year without too much fuss.
LLL Rating: C+

Osasuna - 6th
Another team overachieving like crazy this season. Osasuna are normally very strong in front of their mad as bats supporters, but immensely flaky away from home. That has changed a little this year, with Osasuna managing to pick up three wins and two draws away from Pamplona. The most Scottish Spanish coach in la Liga, José Luis Mendilibar, continues to shout and scowl his way through a season doing the best with a limited squad whose top scorer, Ibrahim Baldé, has only managed five goals.
Their 27 points see Osasuna peering carefully at a European place - although that might be a stretch - rather than the relegation zone and the supporters will be more than chuffed with that. Once they’ve stopped throwing stuff at you and telling you to leave town.
LLL Rating: A

Racing Santander - 16th
An all round stinky pudding of the season for Racing really, but with some light at the end of the tunnel of desert. An ‘owner’ being investigated by Interpol, a ‘board’ appointed by the ‘owner’ too dysfunctional to look after the club say the administrators and three coaches running the team’s affairs after Héctor Cúper left in November.
However, this trio have done remarkably well for the club with Sunday’s defeat against Getafe being the first of the six games that they have been in charge. Racing are currently out of the relegation zone, however the blog is not sure that’s how it will be come May.
LLL Rating: C

Rayo Vallecano - 13th
Perhaps the best fans in the la Liga this season have cheered on a team that are doing just fine, despite everything that’s working against them. That includes ongoing squabbles over contracts and money, a manager that feels is not being backed by the owner despite what has been achieved and absolute dog of a pitch that the club neither have the time nor the money to change.
Indeed, Rayo’s three-sided, noisy, Trotskyist fans on top of the opposition stadium should be a bonus to the club in its bid to stay up, but Rayo have only won three at home, losing five along the way. It could be touch and go for the club’s survival bid, but fingers crossed from LLL that it’s all ok come May.
LLL Rating: B+

Real Madrid - 1st
A bit of perspective please! Although those only interested in tittle, tattle and gossip - that’s LLL, for one - may be focussing on the scrap between Mourinho and his players, fans, the press and possibly the club president, let’s not forget that Real Madrid are currently at the top of the table, with club record goals and points tallies for a first half of a season, have a five point lead over housewife’s favourite Barcelona, and had a spotless record in the Champions League.
Technically speaking, everything has gone rather well for Madrid, aside from that losing to Barcelona business and the blog would be very surprised indeed if Mourinho doesn’t win at least the league this season, perhaps before stomping off to England.
LLL Rating: A-

Part One: Athletic Bilbao to Granada
Part Three: On Thursday - Real Sociedad to Zaragoza

Mid-Season La Liga Ratings and Slatings: Athletic Bilbao to Granada

Tim Stannard — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 10:38:00 GMT

FourFourTwo.com's man in Madrid Tim Stannard runs the rule over the first half of the 2011/12 season in the Primera Liga...

Athletic Bilbao - current position: 7th
Within the space of a couple of weeks, LLL saw the worst and the best of Athletic Bilbao under the every-so-slightly strange Marcelo Bielsa. In a goalless draw against Getafe, the side looked toothless and a little lost, with Javi Martínez appearing as fed up as a caged hedgehog with being stuck in central defence, the rampaging midfielder’s new position.
For the first half in Sunday’s 4-1 defeat in the Santiago Bernabeu, the Basque side were quite magnificent, the movement of the two lines of three causing no end of defensive confusion for Madrid. This tactical upgrade had been whacked on to the strength, power and downright direct dirtiness of Joaquín Caparrós, who had done wonders to develop a team of outstanding young talent such as Iker Muniain. There is still much work to be done but so far Athletic are rolling along nicely with a solid chance at grabbing fourth in la Liga, still in the Copa del Rey (at time of writing) and through to the next round of the Europa League.
LLL Rating: B+

Atlético Madrid - 8th
Blimey. Where to start? The short version - and the one LLL is going with - is a half season of institutional indecision from Enrique Cerezo and the Gil clan over whether they wanted Gregorio Manzano or not. By December, the answer was no - that was certainly the vote from the supporters, who failed to back the incoming coach from the beginning. While Atlético had a decent record at home, their away form was appalling, with the Rojiblancos only picking up their first win on the road in January.
The incoming Diego Simeone appears to have given the players the mental toughness that had been lacking, but it is too late now for a side that is out of the Copa del Rey, out of the Europa League and still has some catching up to if it wants Champions League football next season - something that the club’s bank account requires.
LLL Rating: C-

Barcelona - 2nd
LLL is going to be a little bit harsh here, as although Barcelona have beaten Real Madrid 14 times already this season, the Catalan side are still five points behind their league rivals. Although this could be closed during a wobbly spell, it’s Barça that look the most flimsy this season with very silly points being dropped away from home - Getafe being the champion chump moment for the Catalan club.
These points have not been tossed aside because Barcelona have worsened this season - indeed the signings of Alexis Sánchez and Cesc Fabregas have strengthened the Catalans enormously, but because in la Liga, Barça really don’t seem to be that bothered any more. Except when they rolled up at the Bernabeu to remind Real Madrid that although the Capital city club may win the league title, they are still inferior to Barça. However it’s unlikely that fans of the Madrid club will give a jumping jot about that in May.
LLL Rating: C+

Betis - 12th
A barking mad season so far for Betis, who sit in 12th with 26 points, meaning that it would take a disastrous second half of the season for the Seville side to go down. But then again, Betis are more than capable of achieving that, having gone through a spell between September and December picking up just one point from 30, a horrific slide that nearly got coach Pepe Mel the sack. So while mid-table is just fine for the newly promoted club, it could have been a whole lot better for Betis.
Extra bonus points are awarded though for playing some purty football and really giving it a go in the Santiago Bernabeu and Camp Nou this season, although both matches did end up with defeat ultimately.
LLL Rating: B-

Espanyol - 5th
The Pericos have trundled along quite nicely in la Liga this season without making too much fuss and noise. But that’s been the trademark of coach, Mauricio Pochettino who is now in his third full season at the club and having to dig deep into the cantera - and get Sergio García playing - after losing the goals of Javier Callejón and Osvaldo after the summer.
While Espanyol have hauled themselves into fifth partly by the fact that no-one else in that position is particularly consistent this year - LLL’s polite way of saying ‘any good’ - it’s above the expectations of a side who would happily have settled for a late top ten spot come May, whilst the team’s youngsters gained another year of experience.
LLL Rating: B+

Getafe - 11th
LLL can’t think of a single time it’s seen Getafe this year and had its tiny mind blown, as used to happen from time to time in days of yore. Well, perhaps twice. Not even the Barça match was particularly impressive despite Getafe inflicting the only defeat on the Catalan club in la Liga this season.
Luis García had a rocky start with the club since joining from Levante with the team struggling for goals - technically, Getafe still are, as Dani Güiza has been largely hopeless on his return - but in the past couple of months, García has made the Madrid(ish) side tough to beat, if not unspectacular. The half-way point sees Getafe snuck in mid-table where they are likely to remain. But that would be just fine after the second half of the season.
LLL Rating: C+

Granada - 18th
Although Granada are in the relegation zone, having just sacked their manager, that's exactly where LLL expected the side to be, with back-to-back promotions perhaps seeing the club peeking too early in la Primera. But still, the blog thought the club would be in an even worse situation by now, cut adrift at the bottom-of-the-table so Granada are actually doing a little better than LLL originally anticipated.
LLL Rating: C-

Tomorrow: Part Two - Levante to Real Madrid

Good Day, Bad Day: Boos for Mou, a miraculous Messi and fabulous Falcao

Tim Stannard — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:21:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
In what may have been a big middle finger to all the critics, José Mourinho switched from fielding nearly every available defensive player - as he did against Barcelona - to playing almost every attacking footballer, with Karim Benzema, Mesut Özil, Kaká, Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso and even Esteban Granero starting Saturday’s game.
Although the side was a little overrun by a feisty Athletic Bilbao in the first half, when the team clicked in the gear in the second - thanks to a penalty for Cristiano Ronaldo - Madrid looked more than decent. This approach still may not have been enough to beat Barcelona but it certainly calmed down some critics in the press. “Why didn’t you put a team like this out against Barça? Why?” was the plea to Mourinho from Tomás Roncero.

Leo Messi
Just brilliant. That’s the most original comment the blog can come up with for Messi’s hat-trick against Málaga on Sunday evening, the forward’s 14th for the Catalan club, equalling a Barça record. It was an all round splendid display from Barcelona in Málaga - bar a wobbly start - in match LLL thought Pep’s Dream Boys would drop points like the care-free mavericks they've been of late. But the 90 minutes was miles away from some of the lethargic displays put on by the club away from home in la Liga this season.

Levante
A goalless draw with Zaragoza where absolutely nothing happened by all accounts, but another point eked out by Levante, a side who are now counting down the points until they reach 43. That means four wins left over the entire second half of the season. Quite doable really.

Espanyol
Does Espanyol sitting plump and pretty in fifth make Paul from Barcelona a happy puppy on Monday? Nope. Of course not, here’s grumpy chops and here is his opinion on Saturday’s 3-0 win over Granada...
“They say there are no easy games in football. Well, someone should tell Granada. Ye gods they are not any good. Probably the worst Primera team since Extremadura.
A stroll for Espanyol who didn't need to get out of second gear to win by three goals, all this despite Thievey playing. Baena, Verdú (penalty, and it was) and Rui Fonte scored and it could have been more.
Granada also had this moron called Jara who came on with the sole intention of breaking someone’s leg. Get this idiot out of football. Ref was ok despite not dishing out a red (see above) and a crumb of comfort for Granada - excellent fans, over a 100 and vocal. Hats off to them. Hope they stay up despite that prat Jara. They deserve it - the fans not the players.”
Paul, Barcelona

Falcao
Prior to new Atlético coach Diego Simeone’s arrival, lazy-boned forward Falcao wasn't exactly in the blog’s good books. But five goals in two games - including three against Real Sociedad - see the Colombian move on to 14 strikes for the season, the best first half of a season for a Rojiblancos striker since Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink in the 1999/00 campaign.
While the improved form of the expensive Falcao is clearly a boost to Atlético, the fact that the side has yet to concede under Simeone in the three games in charge for the Argentinean, is considerably more telling.

Betis & Sevilla
A generous and tremendously condescending LLL is putting both teams into the good day section due to the positive, hippy vibes created around what used to be a really nasty derby, and for a cracking game of football which ended 1-1.

Alvaro Negredo
The Vallecas man’s equalising effort in the aforementioned fun-fest was the striker’s first since the 17th December against Real Madrid.

Jaime Gavilán
After a bit of a ‘meh’ first third of the season, Getafe are now plodding along nicely under the ever chirpy Luis García, unbeaten in five with three wins, all of them by the odd goal. That was the case on Saturday with a 2-1 victory at Racing, a win kicked off by an equalising goal from winger, Jaime Gavilán who was making his first start since March 2011 after a couple of serious injuries.

Bad Day

José Mourinho
It’s all going a bit pear-shaped for the Madrid manager, despite Mourinho giving his team the best first half to a season in terms of points and goals in the club’s history. First the press turned on the manager - with Mourinho taking a hammering after Wednesday’s latest Clásico catastrophe - then the players, at least according to Marca, who on Sunday wrote of a big split between the coach and the senior Spanish contingent.
The Athletic Bilbao match saw dissent within the fans with Mourinho’s being booed on three separate occasions when the club’s Ultras sang his support. “I didn’t ask to come here, it was Madrid who asked me,” was Mourinho’s non-plussed response after the match.

Osasuna & Valencia
Both in the dog house for boring the trousers off LLL in Sunday’s midday kick-off which put the blog in a somnambulant mood for the rest of the day. The only action that took place in the game came in the final few minutes when Roberto Soldado looked like he had given Valencia their first league win of the year, David Albelda saw red for a horrendous challenge and Lolo scrambled a very Osasuna equalising effort in injury time.

Málaga
“More effort, more concentration” was Manuel Pellegrini’s assessment on his side’s performance in the 4-1 defeat to Barcelona, where the home team only turned up for the opening few minutes and to force good saves out of Víctor Valdés. Málaga have now slipped back to tenth place, are without a win in six and that must be putting Manuel Pellegrini and his project under pressure despite constant claims of patience.

Rayo Vallecano
When Rayo spurned three or four good chances in the first half of their clash with Mallorca, LLL watching in the stands sensed that something nasty was waiting around the corner in a game they really needed to win. That nastiness came a few minutes into the second half with a header from Iván Ramis - but not once did the supporters stop singing in Vallecas despite the defeat.

Racing Santander
A first defeat for ‘The Trio’ managing Racing after three wins and two draws since taking over from Héctor Cúper.

Fabri
Granda aren’t even in the relegation zone, but that hasn’t stopped club president Quique Pina having a wobbly moment by sacking Fabri after three straight defeats, and just one victory in six. In doing so, the club parts company with the manager who gave the team back-to-back promotions from the Segunda B to the Primera. Which is a bit sad really.

La Preview: Death threats, Pepe poking and Getafe’s big scare

Tim Stannard — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:30:00 GMT

Saturday

Espanyol (9th) v Granada (17th) - 18.00 (local time)
Good grief, Espanyol will be quivering in their Catalan boots ahead of next week’s Copa del Rey quarter-final second leg clash with lower league Mirandés. The opposition coach, Carlos Pouso, was so irked at his team throwing away a 2-0 lead against the Pericos by conceding three late goals in six minutes that a heck of promise was made ahead of the rematch.
“We are going to die whilst killing but I don’t want to be misinterpreted. There won’t be any violence, dirty play or sitting back,” yelled the Mirandés main man.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (15th) v Getafe (13th) - 18.00
In the same way you have that sinking feeling of horror in the stomach having realised your house keys or wallet have been lost, Getafe fans must have been fearful that Javier Arizmendi had ended his loan spell at the massively imploding Neuchatel Xamax early. After all, the Madrid club has more than enough strikers on its roster to launch easy chances over the bar in the form of Miku and Dani Güiza.
But the Coliseum collective - all 25 of them - were able to breath a sigh of relief in the end when it appeared that Arizmendi would be merely passing through Getafe before signing on to launch footballs into orbit with Mallorca.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Sociedad (14th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 20.00
When the chips are down, as they frequently are, the Spanish football press can be a touch mean-spirited. On the other hand, when there’s fresh optimistic meat around, as in the form of Diego Simeone at Atlético, the papers can be an easier ride than Sergio Ramos. Allegedly (yes, LLL has flicked through the odd gossip magazine by accident).
One of the remarkable innovations that have seen Atlético Madrid pick up four points from six, according to a purring Marca, is that the new guy in town prefers to sit on the left side of the bench as opposed to the right like evil Gregorio Manzano. Also, “Manzano forced players to have breakfast together before training,” notes the paper, while it is voluntary with Simeone. Of course, had that been the other way round then the paper would have been praising the Atlético coach to his nipples on his brilliant team-bonding ways.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Betis (11th) v Sevilla (7th) - 22.00
Sevilla’s suffering form has seen Marcelino blessed with the vote of confidence from his president, José María del Nido. Ahead of the derby against Betis, del Nido says that a manager only eight months into the job is quite safe despite a run of four league games without a victory. “There isn’t any result that could endanger the coach’s job.”
There was at least some good news in Sevilla's fairly bleak existence, with AS reporting that Monchi - the side’s Sporting Director - would be signing on with the club for another five years, despite stories that he would be joining the coaching set up of the Spanish FA, whose teams LLL has been told have been fairly successful of late.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Osasuna (6th) v Valencia (3rd) - 12.00
Valencia’s sluggish start to the new year which sees just one point from two in 2012 has certainly upset the fans, who booed the team off the Mestalla pitch in last weekend’s defeat at Real Sociedad. However, the Copa del Rey has given Valencia and Unai Emery a bit of a lifeline with victories in the last sixteen over Sevilla and a 4-1 win in the quarter-final first leg against Levante to keep everyone happy.
“We know that despite it being 4-1, nothing is definitive and there’s another leg,” said a dutiful Emery after Thursday, late night derby clash.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Rayo Vallecano (12th) v Mallorca (16th) - 16.00
Rayo boss José Ramón Sandoval is not a happy Vallecas bunny at all. Although the coach and his players have performed well above expectations by sitting comfortably in mid-table at the (nearly) halfway stage of the season, a key player at the club has been moved off against the manager’s wishes, although the footballer in question said he wanted the transfer to Belgium on the very good grounds that he’d get paid an awful lot more money.
Centre-back, Jordi Figueras, was on loan from Rubin Kazan but has been sold to Bruges with Rayo being compensated €700,000. Although cash is a vital commodity at the club these days, Sandoval fumes that football should have come first in the decision. “I gave my opinion to the administrators, the technical secretary and explained the important of the player to the team, but this wasn’t taken into account. We now face the league with two right-footed centre-backs, one who’s on four yellows.” “I want to win the next game but we have to be realistic. We are going to war with water pistols,” fumed the Rayo boss.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (8th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 18.00
It’s with a scowl and a snarl that Gerard Piqué must have been poked into the spotlight to face the press on Thursday afternoon and a barrage of questions from the Clásico the night before, a match that finished so late the central defender must barely have had time to go to bed.
While Piqué commented as diplomatically as possible under the circumstances that he wouldn’t know what he’d do if one of his teammates had the same night as Pepe, the Catalan defender did try to defuse further damage to morale to the Spanish side by praising his comrades for Euro 2012. “The national team showed examplary behaviour. There won’t be any problems” assured the political tightrope-walking Piqué.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (4th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 19.45
Zaragoza’s season-saving - or so the club’s president hopes - signing frenzy has begun. Midfielder Tomas Dujmovic has been brought in from the cold from Dinamo Moscow, scary striker Carlos Aranda has left Levante to head to the other end of the league table whilst Zaragoza are maneuvering to bring another forceful presence to the team by picking up Málaga’s Apoño on loan.
It’s fighting players to match with the fighting talk from coach, Manolo Jiménez, who says that “nine out of ten people think the team will go down. I don’t.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Athletic Bilbao (5th) - 21.30
LLL suspected that the Bernabeu brains at Marca would be spinning like mad to get Real Madrid out of their sticky situation in their Clásico cup clash, but the blog was quite wrong. Instead, the paper has continued along its Godzilla-style path of destruction in attacking José Mourinho. Friday’s edition lists the seven sins of the Madrid manager during the game, criticises the manager’s transfers from the summer and prints a page of letters from fans attacking the Portuguese boss.
The paper doesn’t even approve of Pepe defending himself by claiming the Messi hand stamp was an accident on the club’s TV channel. “Pepe is falsifying reality and has turned Real Madrid into an accomplice that shames the club’s supporters,” fumes the editorial.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Villarreal (19th) v Sporting (18th)
Now, LLL is no expert when it comes to motivating footballers. In fact it’s not really an expert at anything. But the blog reckons that when the chips are down at club, the last thing José Player wants is some besuited blowhard insulting him in the press. Villarreal already dour situation has perhaps been worsened with the club’s VP, José Manuel Llaneza blustering that “if anyone doesn’t like the way things work now, they can go whoever they are. The good life and cushions are over.”
Not content with this diatribe, Llaneza then claimed that Monday’s home match against Sporting was the most important in his 17 years at Villarreal, suggesting that the director must have been completely smashed during a certain Champions League semi-final with Arsenal.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Furious Madrid press turn on Mourinho after Barça disaster

Tim Stannard — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 13:04:00 GMT

Given the the feeling among the Madrid-based press that this time Real Madrid manager José Mourinho would finally show Barça who was boss, it’s no great surprise that their reaction to Wednesday's Bernabeu defeat has been relentlessly, unforgivingly brutal.

In particular, two papers who are normally like panting, tail-wagging, eager to please puppy dogs when it comes to Madridismo, have now become a snarling pack of wild beasts. While the feeling among the fans after Madrid’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first leg defeat was merely bored resignation at yet another set back - with only one victory for Madrid in the nine Mourinho vs Guardiola clashes - the vibe in Marca and AS is fury.

A crunching deadline from a late-night finish and a game from which Madrid will have taken little positive sees Thursday’s AS front page lamenting the defeat and another “repertoire of bad behaviour from Pepe.” Tomás Roncero leads the angry mob on the inside pages, asking Mourinho “isn’t it better to die on your feet and play with all your talent than be beaten before the game begins?”

The risk of playing a makeshift defence containing Hamit Altintop at right-back and Ricardo Carvalho - returning from a four month injury lay-off - in the centre of defence was a large one. It may have paid off had Madrid not conceded yet another header from a corner, with Carles Puyol equalising for Barça early in the second half to sap any confidence the Madrid players had gained from Cristiano Ronaldo's first half opener.

However, the gamble to play Pepe in midfield, in a throw-back to last year’s controversial contests, was a whopper - like asking Bruce Banner to travel on the tube at rush hour having missed a night’s sleep. It was a bet which failed spectacularly.

Marca branded Pepe’s pugilistic, polemical performance which peaked with what looked like an intentional stamp on Leo Messi’s hand as “disgraceful”.

“The behaviour of Pepe was intolerable, violent with an excess or aggression and theatrics,” blasted Thursday’s editorial.

The front page bemoans the “Never Ending Story” with Barcelona over recent seasons, with the match report claiming Madrid had “betrayed their history” with Mourinho’s approach to a clash in a competition the Madrid coach had previously dismissed as the least important for his club this term.

Unsurprisingly, the reaction to Madrid, and in particular, Pepe, in the Catalan capital was outrage. Mundo Deportivo lead with the headline “Heroes and Villains”, with Sani Nolla branding Pepe a “public danger”.

“This doesn’t belong in today’s football. It belongs to butchers form the Jurassic era,” continued the columnist.

Sport were a tad more aggressive, with a headline claiming Barça to be “Bleeping Bosses of the Bernabéu,” a reference to Guardiola’s bad-tempered comment about José Mourinho last season. The paper’s most culé columnist, Lluís Mascaró, wasn’t going to let another victory in the Spanish capital go unmentioned, gleefully reporting on “a sporting humiliation that the Bernabeu won’t forget for years. Madrid played in their own stadium with fear, like a small team. Trembling with terror.”

Normally the rival newspapers from the different sides of Spain disagree on the colour of the sky. But for once, they are all united in one concept - this was a very, very bad night for José Mourinho, Pepe and Real Madrid.

Mourinho feeling the tension of upcoming Clásico

Tim Stannard — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 15:14:00 GMT

Tuesday was another happy day in Marca’s extreme graphics department. In previous weeks the Photoshop-wielding group had been called upon to put together an incredibly disturbing photograph that morphed together the faces of Gonzalo Higuaín and Karim Benzema to make the perfect striker. That call of duty was followed by a splendid mock-up of the French striker as Puss in Boots, complete with a cat’s face and whiskers.

Wednesday edition of the paper sees a front cover with a shot of the lower halves of Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo with their arms handcuffed together. “Condemned to Win” booms Marca’s front cover ahead of Wednesday night’s Copa del Rey quarter-final first leg clash at the Santiago Bernabeu.

The paper is half right, in the sense that Real Madrid are under strict orders from the fans to beat Barcelona in the Bernabeu for the first time during Pep Guardiola’s tenure at the Catalan club. But it’s fair to say Barça have more than proved themselves against Real Madrid, having only been defeated in one of the eight previous Clásicos between the Barça boss and José Mourinho.

This desire for Madrid to finally deliver at home may explain José Mourinho’s incredibly tense, bolshy mood at the pre-match press conference. Or perhaps, José Mourinho generally just being incredibly tense and bolshy is a more valid reason. When asked about the tactics for the match, the Portuguese hurled toys far and wide from his Special Pram.

“If Ramos plays at full-back, they are going to criticise me, as he’s better as a centre-back. If I play Fabio at right-back they will criticise me as he’s left-footed.” This rant against the press went on for some time, covering Sami Khedira and Pepe, among others.

“It’s better that we all go to the cinema and after let’s see the result and give our opinions.” That’s certainly what LLL would like to do.

Mourinho’s prickliest moment came when asked about Cristiano Ronaldo, who is very much the centre of attention ahead of the Clásico, precisely because the forward is hardly ever the focal point of attention during the Clásico.

“Cristiano has the final word,” yells the front cover of AS, with editor Alfredo Relaño noting that “Cristiano against his ghosts, this will be a game.” Mourinho was dutifully protective of his player warning the assembled journalists that “if any of you have a go at him we’re going to have a problem. I won’t let you.”

The performance of Ronaldo is one of the tactical topics that will be on Mourinho’s mind ahead of the game. Who to play at right-back in the absence of the suspended Alvaro Arbeloa and whether to use Angel di María for part of the game, despite not being fully recovered from injury are amongst others. At time of writing, it’s not clear if the Argentinean will even be in the squad with Real Madrid not releasing any names to the media and fans until an hour before the clash.

In comparison with the tense terseness of the Spanish capital, the Camp Nou bat-cave was a far more jolly place, with Pep Guardiola in a fairly relaxed mood, as should be expected of a manager with nothing to prove in this particular, oft-repeated tie. Though the Barça boss claimed that “I have a lot to lose, credit doesn’t exist in this sport.”

Mundo Deportivo have gone for a new angle on the match, publishing a photo of the Copa del Rey trophy itself on Wednesday’s front cover - the mangled version dropped by Sergio Ramos in front of a bus last year. “Barça, fix it!” demands the headline.

This is just one of a number of motivations the Barcelona players have to grab at least a draw in the Santiago Bernabeu before next Wednesday’s second leg clash. The others include annoying the heck of Mourinho and Madrid by frustrating them again, and perhaps equalling the number of wins in el Clásico between the two teams in the 216 matches played so far.

Madrid currently have 86, with Barça one behind. Two goals will also see Leo Messi become the striker with the most number of goals against Madrid in Barcelona’s history. All in all, there’s more than enough amuse-bouches to get the juices flowing even if the main meal hasn’t got the taste buds tingling of everyone in Spain.

Barça lament referees revolt ahead of Clásico clash

Tim Stannard — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:21:00 GMT

Those who are still dipping their pinkies into the steamy waters of La Liga may not be aware of exactly what the 'Villarato' is.

This term - oft-used in Spanish football - was coined by Madrid-based daily newspaper AS to describe an imaginary conspiracy said to have been cooked up by FA President Angel Villar, Barcelona and the country's referees to make sure that all decisions went in the Catalan club's favour and against Real Madrid.

Apparently, the 'Villarato' is no more. Instead, the 'Anti-Villarato' is in play, as demonstrated by the failure to award Barça a late penalty for hand-ball in last week's derby clash against Espanyol, and the booking of Andrés Iniesta for a dive when another penalty was probably the right decision.

"There are times when the referees are against us," moaned Xavi ahead of Wednesday's Clásico. "I have the feeling that this year they are against us more than other teams." Even AS Editor Alfredo Relaño thinks the tide has turned in the refereeing stakes. "Before, everything was going one way, not any more," was the happy-clappy message in Tuesday's editorial.

This is just a sample of a mixed bag of pre-Clásico rumblings ahead of a game nobody is completely sure whether or not to bother taking seriously.

Josep María Casanovas in Sport perhaps best describes the importance of the two Copa del Rey games in terms of what it means to the title race, in which Real Madrid currently hold a five point lead. "Knocking the league leaders out of the cup would be a decisive injection of morale for Barça."

Still, this thoughtful analysis hasn't stopped the Sport man's colleague, Lluís Mascaró, launching into another of his trademark 'good vs evil' rants.

"After seeing the sad performance of Mourinho in Mallorca, no-one can doubt that Madrid will lose points. Not even the help of the refs (anti-Villarato) can stop such a vulgar team falling to any rival that plays with intensity and ambition," rants Mascaró on sides like Espanyol, Getafe and Real Sociedad, three teams who have managed to stop Barcelona in their tracks this season.

Over in Mordor, AS are claiming that "Barcelona are afraid of [José Manuel] Pinto", reporting that supporters would rather have Víctor Valdés in goal than their back-up net-tender and designated cup game keeper. The Barça press may well argue that Real Madrid are afraid of Messi, Alexis, Cesc, Busquets, Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol, Piqué, Alves and Abidal, given only one of the eight Clásicos between Mourinho and Guardiola have been won by Madrid.

While the first of a possible eight Clásicos in 2012 kicks off on Wednesday night in the Santiago Bernabeu, the first of the cup quarter-finals will actually take place in Barcelona, 24 hours earlier, with third-tier Mirandés facing Espanyol on Tuesday evening. "Mission impossible," claims Carlos Pouso, the Mirandés manager whose team received a special birthday treat by flying to the game on a big silver sky demon never before seen by most of the side's players.

Mauricio Pochettino, meanwhile, is doing the humble, respectful routine ahead of a clash against a side that have already knocked out Villarreal and Racing in this season's competition. "It's a team who have eliminated two Primera clubs. One can catch you by surprise, if it happens a second time and it's a knock-out then they have good reasons for being here," warned the Espanyol boss.

Good Day, Bad Day: Comeback kids, sorry Sevilla and Atlético’s new era

Tim Stannard — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:21:00 GMT

Good Day

Gonzalo Higuaín, José Callejón
Both Karim Benzema and Cristiano Ronaldo looked a little lost in the hurly burly of the second half of Madrid’s 2-1 win over Mallorca, when pretty much every forward player at José Mourinho’s disposal was out on the field. Heck, even Kaká played, things were so desperate at 1-0 down.
However, Higuaín celebrated five years with the club with yet another crucial comeback goal, while Callejón continued in what has become a sparkling campaign for both the player and his flat top, with his third league goal of the season making him the most effective player in la Liga with a strike rate of one goal every 75 minutes in all competitions.

Alexis Sánchez
Rather like Angel di María, Alexis is never going to be a favourite for the blog due to the footballer’s outrageously theatrical ways and unnervingly tiny face, but the bustling Barça player has qualities that LLL loves, in his strength, drive and finishing. Alexis popped up with an assist and a goal on Sunday against in Betis, in a game when Pep’s Dream Boys had a bit of a scare having gone 2-0 up in the first half to then blow the lead. Fancy that, Barça falling asleep in the middle of match.

Athletic Bilbao
Marcelo Bielsa’s side were hugely disappointing last week against Getafe, but showed signs of the old, proper Athletic on Sunday in a 3-0 win over Levante with all three goals being headers, the call sign of the Basque battlers who now move into fifth-place.

Ruud Van Nistelrooy
The goal from the Dutch striker against Sporting was just his second of the season in la Liga for Málaga.

Atlético Madrid
A 3-0 win over Villarreal sounds fantastic - especially compared to recent results - but it isn’t yet “another chapter” as claimed by AS, who are most enthusiastic in their response to Diego Simeone’s home debut on the Rojiblanco bench. It’s an attitude shared by Marca who boast of “another Atleti”.
While the former player was more active on the sidelines than Gregorio Manzano - responding to the chants of fans, hi-fiving his players, applauding Diego off the pitch - Atlético weren’t enormously better than in previous games in the Vicente Calderón this season. They were however a little luckier, and were also playing awful opposition.
The line-up was not that different, nor the tactics. Falcao’s first goal came from a move that was offside and the second from a penalty that was a foul committed outside the box. LLL is not saying there are not signs for temporary optimism for the Rojiblancos, but the “new Atlético”, “Europe, here we come” declarations within a couple of games of a new regime have been made to look silly before. Instead, the message from LLL is patience, young Padawan, patience.

Diego Simeone
Before the appearance of the new Atlético Madrid manager before the press post Villarreal, LLL was joshing whether a pertinent question for the Argentinean would be, “are you ready to apologise to David Beckham?”
Didn’t feel quite so brave when Simeone walked out, though. Looked like the Atlético Madrid boss could remove your head with a pair of tweezers without breaking into a sweat.

Betis
The Seville side are very much a confidence team that tends to win and lose in runs. At the moment, Betis tails are up after three straight wins and that form carried on into the Camp Nou with the visitors coming from 2-0 down to get back to 2-2 but eventually lose out 4-2.
Pepe Mel was still unhappy with the outcome though, when asked about the secret of facing down the Catalan club. “I don’t have the formula for beating Barça as they knocked four past us.” Despite the scoreline at the Camp Nou, Sevilla - the next opponents for Betis - should be feeling very concerned indeed about next weekend’s derby.

Michu
LLL is enjoying watching the Rayo striker enormously this season. Tall, physical with good Michael Bolton hair, Michu popped up with his eighth league of the season to help Rayo to a 2-1 win over Granada. The forward won’t be in Vallecas for much longer.

Real Sociedad
It was with a gasp of surprise that LLL noticed that la Real were in 14th now, having gone six games unbeaten. Saturday’s smash and grab by Antoine Griezmann was a jammy effort involving a hand-ball and deflection, but the Basque outfit did enough to deserve something from the game.

Racing Santander
A remarkable run for the managerial trio at Racing continues an unbeaten streak ever since the sacking of Héctor Cúper. Racing’s latest triumph was a 2-0 win - assisted by two penalties - over Osasuna to lift the Cantabrians into 15th, two points clear of the drop zone.

Joaquín Caparrós
A iffy offside decision, a 1-0 lead lost and a superb Mallorca performance that had no reward in the end was too much for Caparrós to bear with a sending off in the final seconds of the game, with the Andalusian’s notorious temper getting too much for him and the man-in-the-middle.
Mallorca’s fight and fire in the first forty-five minutes saw José Mourinho praising the opposition with the claim that “the team responsible for what we couldn’t do in the first half was Mallorca,” a useful reminder that when the big two do badly it isn’t always down to their own deficiencies but impressive opposition.

Sporting
A win so dramatic that at least one member of the Sporting side appeared to be in tears. A late Ruud van Nistelrooy equalising effort looked like producing a 1-1 draw in Gijón, until a whopper of an effort from Oscar Trejo in injury time gave Sporting a hugely important win.

Bad Day

Valencia
The Mestalla men are only just back from a long, relaxing winter break, but Unai Emery was blaming fatigue from a Copa del Rey double against Sevilla for a 1-0 home defeat to Real Sociedad, a second league match in 2012 without a win. However, Saturday’s opposition had just been smashed 6-1 by Mallorca in the cup but didn’t seem to be suffering any adverse consequences.
Valencia’s normal front two of Roberto Soldado and Jonas were absent from the starting line-up due to suspension and rotation, but their replacements of Ariz Aduriz and Dani Parejo in support simply didn’t deliver.

Osasuna
A first defeat at home for Osasuna, this season, to Racing Santander of all teams.

Sevilla
Watching a whole host of Sevilla players blast the ball over and wide of the goal again and again, left LLL feeling a little sorry for manager, Marcelino. The forward line fielded against Espanyol was fairly attacking for the normally defence-minded coach with Alvaro Negredo, Jesus Navas, Manu del Moral and José Antonio Reyes all in action.
But every one of those footballers were guilty of misses, especially in the first forty-five minutes, a run that contributed to a goalless draw in a less than impressed Sánchez Pizjuán. “After the first half we played, it’s not normal for it to end 0-0. But that’s football,” sighed Marcelino who is under increasing pressure after a run of four league matches without a win.

Granada
Fabri was furious on Saturday and as well the Granada manager might be after a 2-1 home defeat to Rayo. Fabri was angry at the ref - as all coaches are these days, except Pep Guardiola, and especially his players. “Matches are begun to be lost during the week, ” fumed the Granada boss, “every minute of training has a reason, not just for filling in a report and getting paid at the end of the month.”

Málaga
Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado, summed up Málaga’s situation the best when noting that although they were better that Sporting on paper, his own team had more spirit, fight and effort. Five league matches without a win and a cup knock-out to Real Madrid sees the Málaga project in some trouble at the moment.

Villarreal
José Molina now has to decide which Villarreal is the real team that he’s stuck in charge of. The side that went 2-0 up against Valencia last weekend or the one that was utterly hopeless in the 3-0 defeat to Atlético Madrid. The incredibly-gloomy looking boss who has the air of Miguel Angel Lotina in terms of misery was ruthless in his appraisal of his players after the defeat.

Zaragoza
15,000 fans demonstrating outside the ground and yet another chance for all three points missed at home for bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza who could only draw 1-1 with Getafe.

La Preview: Barça 'down to the bare bones' as Cristiano finds yet another critic

Tim Stannard — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:56:00 GMT

Saturday

Zaragoza (20th) v Getafe (12th) - 18.00 (local time)
More institutional disharmony at bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza saw four members of a board only appointed on the 30th December quitting in a huff, on Tuesday. The complaining quartet, which included the club’s very short-lived Delegate Councillor, resigned their posts claiming that the autonomy over Zaragoza’s affairs, apparently promised by owner and president Agapito Iglesias, never came through. Amazing that.
The give-away to the group was Iglesias meeting Míchel, the first choice head of Manolo Jiménez for new manager after the sacking of Javier Aguirre, apparently behind the board’s back. LLL suspects that the free-and-single Guti’s Twitter confession that he had also been approached to join the s(t)inking ship, might have been the final straw.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Granada (15th) v Rayo Vallecano (13th) - 18.00
Curses! Both Christmas and Reyes are over, which means its too late for someone to buy LLL an intriguing sounding book that has just been released, but would probably take a lifetime to read. “Vallecas and Rayo, 1924-2011” by Rosa de la Vega weighs in at over a 1,000 pages and is “the bible of Rayoism, there’s been no such book that explains our history,” noted club president, Raúl Martín, on a epic volume that LLL would very much like a free copy of please having just plugged it.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (7th) v Espanyol (8th) - 18.00
Another bad week for Sevilla president, José María del Nido. Defeat to Rayo Vallecano in la Primera, a cup knock-out to Valencia and the Spanish ‘Fiscalia’ (legal types) looking for immediate prison for del Nido after his recent conviction for fraud, despite the appeal process to come.
On Monday the Sevilla top dog went before the judge who has to ponder over whether to give in to the official request or allow bail with certain restraints such has the removal of Del Nido’s passport and a hefty amount of cash being handed over.
Meanwhile, on the pitch affairs have focussed on the future of manager, Marcelino, due to Sevilla’s current poor results - a future that is assured until June, opines AS. But that assurance been heard one or times before in la Liga with very different outcomes.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (14th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
Now LLL really does enjoy a good old stir and Alfredo di Stefano is giving the blog good reason to have a huge, naughty poke over his utterances concerning Cristiano Ronaldo. After December’s Clásico defeat, the passport-swapping poacher wrote that “I recognise that Ronaldo was too ‘Cristiano’ for some to forgive,” when some locals booed the Portuguese forward for selfishness.
Di Stefano was at it again on Wednesday when questioned over whether it was the done thing for a footballer to be booed by his own fans. “The public have the right to do what they want as they are paying,” announced di Stefano, coming out in support of the...er...supporters. However, the Argentinean was back on message in his weekly column in Marca, writing that “Cristiano is the permanent Ballon d’Or of Real Madrid. Ronaldo is all gold.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Sociedad (16th) - 22.00
Valencia’s away goals-inspired victory in the Copa del Rey meant Unai Emery didn’t have to eat his words, one tiny letter at a time, thanks to a goal from Roberto Soldado in Seville, in Wednesday’s second leg, last 16 clash. Before what was to become a 2-2 draw over the two legs, the Valencia boss had been asked who was the better striker, Soldado or Alvaro Negredo.
Naturally, Emery chose his own man claiming that “Soldado is better from here to Lima.” That faith was restored with his striker’s 66th minute effort to give Valencia a quarter-final clash against city neighbours, Levante.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (11th) v Villarreal (18th) - 12.00
It takes a lot to make a grumpy LLL laugh early on a Wednesday morning, but an interview published in Marca did the trick. And if Atlético fans already suspect some unwarranted cruelty and belly-poking is on the horizon, the blog would like to point out that, by coincidence, a disbelieving Rojiblanco fan approached LLL on the topic of the same article on the same day.
The interview in question was with the astonishingly average Juanfran, who joined from Osasuna a year ago to replace Simao (worth a chortle in itself) and has done naff all since. But it’s all the fault of the managers in charge, so says the Atlético player.
“I’ve not played as much as I hoped for different circumstances” - like being no good, thought LLL. “I came as one of the best five wingers in Spain and look where I am after a year. What’s true is that I’ve disappeared off the map and I want to get back to my status now,” If that ‘status’ means being a half-decent midfielder at Osasuna, then LLL is sure that Atlético’s bosses will be more than happy to oblige with a swift transfer.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (5th) v Racing Santander (17th) - 16.00
An interesting philosophical debate was opened up by Osasuna boss, José Luis Mendilibar on Wednesday, when suggesting that “more than a miracle” was required to overturn Barça’s 4-0 lead in a Thursday’s cup game. Victor Valdés not once whining at the referee during a game perhaps?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Levante (4th) - 16.00
It was a no nonsense 4-0 win for Athletic Bilbao over Andrés Iniesta’s Albacete on Thursday night in the Copa del Rey to make sure that the Basque club did not go the same way as Albacete. The match which sets up a quarter-final tie with Mallorca (a heavy Joaquín Caparrós theme there) was brightened up though by an astonishing Messi-like strike from cult hero (i.e. not very good but tries), Gaizka Toquero, with a cracking back heel. “Toquero’s goal was great,” agreed Mad Marcelo Bielsa, “I’m very happy he scored it. He deserves it.”
Levante, meanwhile, came from 2-1 down against Alcorcón from the first leg to show the upstarts from la Segunda who’s the Mack Daddy by beating the Madrid(ish) side 4-0.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (19th) v Málaga (6th)
The day after Willy Caballero had spilled to give Karim Benzema a goal and Real Madrid the Copa del Rey tie with a 1-0 defeat, Málaga moved swiftly to add a bit of competition to the goalkeeping places. Not the best of timingw for Willy, although talks had been ongoing before the clash. The goalie who has joined the long list of newbies on the south coast is Carlos Kameni who has been an Espanyol outcast since the summer, despite a seven-and-half-year spell as a Perico.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Betis (10th)
While Iker Casillas has described the huge number of Clásicos played in 2011 and to come in 2012 as making the games “decaffeinated” the Barça press are very excited indeed at the thought of two more games, after Barcelona’s 2-1 win over Osasuna.
“How exciting!” yelled the front cover of Friday’s Mundo Deportivo. The problem for Barcelona, though, it that Pep’s Dream Boys may not have enough players to field in the two games, as well as the match against Betis. Maxwell has been flogged to PSG, David Villa is crocked, as is Andreu Fontás - possibly until the end of the season after an injury picked up in Pamplona. Ibrahim Afellay is still MIA, Pedro has picked up a knock and Seydou Keita is away at the Africa Cup of Nations. Time to activate that Bojan buy-back clause perhaps...?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Prospect of Clásico double moves ever closer as Madrid overcome Málaga

Tim Stannard — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 14:02:00 GMT

Real Madrid's sturdy midfield ‘trivote’ and Málaga’s reliably hopeless attack took us all a giant leap towards two more Clásicos, starting next week. Oh joy.

A 1-0 Madrid win described by Marca as “pragmatic” and “a lesson in efficiency” came after Málaga keeper Willy Caballero spilled Karim Benzema's tame shot into his own net to help Madrid on their way to a 4-2 aggregate win. This left the Forces of Mordor with 48 hours to wait and see whether Barcelona could hang on to their 4-0 lead over Osasuna in Pamplona, and set up the second of a possible eight Clásicos in 2012.

Despite the fact Barça are these days apparently too fancy-pants to give their all on away day trips against the minnows, it’s a advantage that even the travel sick Catalans should be able to hang on to.

It was very much back to life, back to reality for Pep Guardiola on Wednesday, after being feted by FIFA at the beginning of the week. The big questions being put to the Barça boss ahead of the Osasuna clash were whether he felt the Spanish FA was out to get him after a last minute handball in the box by an Espanyol defender went unpunished in Sunday evening's derby draw, and why wasn’t he Mourinho-style mad as hell about it?

“What benefit is there in complaining? Are they going to give me points? Sometimes (decisions) are in our advantage,” said Guardiola with the kind of reasonable logic that’ll see him turned down for job after job in the ref-baiting Premier League for being far too sensible.

The two other games played in the cup on Tuesday night continued what has been a disturbingly interesting tournament this season. They were dancing in the streets of Miranda de Ebro near Burgos (up north, somewhere) after third tier Mirandés drew 1-1 at Racing Santander to seal a spot in the quarter-finals with a 3-1 aggregate win.

Mirandés will be facing either Córdoba or Espanyol - currently 2-1 to the second division outfit after the first leg - but it’s the money-spinning big boys that the Mirandés coach wants. “I prefer Espanyol as they are in la Primera,” beamed Carlos Puso.

Tuesday’s other game was an astonishing affair. Mallorca went into the clash with Real Sociedad trailing 2-0 from the first leg, a deficit which worsened when Ifrán gave La Real the lead on the night after 16 minutes. But then Mallorca went goal crazy - something that they have failed to do on a consistent basis this year - by scoring six, including four in a six minute spell in the first half. “I always said goals would come and that’s what I kept on thinking,” said Mallorca boss, Joaquín Caparrós.

Real Sociedad’s manager, meanwhile, was horrified by the enormous boot in the Balearics that his team had just taken.

“The attitude from my players hurt me a lot,” fumed Philippe Montanier. “Our elimination is incomprehensible. We didn’t respect the people of la Real, nor football, not Mallorca. I would qualify this as a lack of professionalism,” the beaten boss exclaimed in fine ‘no s**t Sherlock' fashion.

FIFA hand Barca a timely morale boost as Madrid face 'the first final'

Tim Stannard — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 15:39:00 GMT

After hours of its passengers and crew screaming, hollering and generally making a bit of a racket, the dead in the water Barça boat was finally thrown a lifeline by FIFA’s passing luxury liner.

Rather than contemplate the fact the title race looks half way lost after Sunday’s draw with Espanyol opened a five point gap below the forces of Mordor in Madrid, the Ballon d’Or prize handed to a smoking jacket wearing Leo Messi on Monday evening gave the Catalan press the opportunity for some timely smugness.

As ever, Sport lead the way, with Josep Maria Casanovas going above and beyond the call of bragging duty by boasting that the event was “a recognition of the best club in the world. A homage to the stars that have turned the Camp Nou into the capital of world football. An extraordinary promotion.”

Over at Mundo Deportivo towers, Santi Nolla wanted to go on bended knee before Messi and Pep Guardiola for their personal tributes to Xavi and Tito Vilanova respectively after picking up their awards for best player and best manager. “The words and gestures in Zurich clearly show that the success of Barcelona, a great team, comes from sharing.

Although Marca were unusually generous in putting Leo Messi on the front cover of Tuesday’s edition in honour of the Argentinean’s award, the paper’s main concern - and that of AS - is Madrid’s Copa del Rey last 16, second leg clash with Málaga. Although there are technically five more games to be played until the final and Madrid have a handy 3-2 lead, Marca are fretting that the game in La Rosaleda is “the first final.”

Even Gonzalo Higuaín is getting in on the act by claiming that Málaga “always have good games against us” - aside from the 3-2 loss last week, the 4-0 defeat earlier in the season, the 7-0 thrashing last year, and the fact that Málaga have not beaten Madrid since the 1983-84 season...

The Cristiano Ronaldo sulk-gate story lingers on, with José Mourinho defending his pouting player. “If you are going to criticise a player for not celebrating goals then criticise me as I didn’t celebrate any of them,” said the Madrid manager. The other main story is Marca’s claim - and that of the footballer’s agent, no doubt - that English clubs are sniffing around Angel di María, with the player trying to renew his contract with the club and arrange a hefty pay rise.

There are two other matches also taking place on Tuesday night, with Racing Santander trying to spare some Cantabrian blushes by turning around a 2-0 deficit from the first leg against third tier Mirandés whilst Mallorca look to overturn the same scoreline at home to Real Sociedad.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça blow, cry baby Cristiano & barking Bielsa

Tim Stannard — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 13:34:00 GMT

Good Day

Karim Benzema
The striker is the current French toast of the town - no, he hasn't been covered in egg yolk, though whatever the on-fire forward does in his own free time is his business. It was Benzema who kick-started Madrid’s midweek comeback against Málaga in the cup and it was the Frenchman who was the best of a bad bunch with a brace against Granada in a 5-1 win that gave Madrid a five point lead at the top of the table.
José Mourinho’s men were equally as lethargic as the side that was so dramatically blasted by the coach after Tuesday’s game, and found that Granada were quite hard-to-handle with the tie relatively open until the opening minutes of the second half. Fortunately for Madrid, the team’s league campaign is not the most challenging in January so the players have plenty more opportunities for a yawn, stretch and nut scratch before polishing off their opposition.

Levante
Although Levante could only manage a goalless draw at home to Mallorca - mainly thanks a great display from goalkeeper Gustavo Munúa - draws for Osasuna and Málaga and a defeat for Sevilla meant that the damage from two dropped points was limited.

Espanyol
It’s a very happy new year for Paul from Barcelona, who was at Cornella El-Prat to see what was a fairly newsworthy event in the Catalan capital.
“Call it poetic justice, fate or chickens coming home to roost. I myself prefer to see it as ‘live by the sword, die by the sword’. Yes, it was a penalty. Yes, it was handball (more later) but a quick history lesson sees the ref's decision as par for the course, but what's different here is that it went against Barça.
In 15 years of attending these games that's the first big decision that's gone in Espanyol's favour. So, I think fair is fair. On the subject of handballs, Leo Messi's reaction to his cheating is priceless. Best leading actor surely ?
Barça seemed strangely subdued last night. Was it the atmosphere - not as hostile as two years ago but still pretty intimidating - the Christmas break or Espanyol's tactics? Messi looked bored, Alexis cost how much! Xavi and Andrés Iniesta don't seem to have left feet. Playing three at the back didn't seem to work. If Espanyol had had a half decent striker instead of Thievy, the result could have been very different.
Hats off to Pochettino. Got his tactics spot on, especially second half when he brought on Javi López who had a blinder. Sergio García and Jordi Amat also stood out for me. The ref was ok in parts (especially at the end) but the linesman who spotted Messi's cheating, hand-to-ball not ball-to-hand like Raúl Rodríguez, had a 'mare. He gave a foul against Thievy when Puyol miscontrolled it and a blatant foul on the same player by Piqué right on the edge of the area.
Well done to Pep for taking the result with good grace and Sandro Rosell too despite his recent mad speech in Qatar. I've now seen the top two live and one looked way better than the other. Wasn't the one I was expecting to be honest.”
Paul, Barcelona

Marcelo Bielsa
A bad result for the Athletic boss, but a ‘good day’ prize for Bielsa for being so highly entertaining during Sunday’s afternoon game and keeping LLL more than occupied during a fairly plodding goalless draw with Getafe.
Not once did Bielsa sit on the visitor’s bench. Instead, Argentinean spent the Getafe clash crouching down at either side of the dugout and hugging the sides, along with the occasional squat by the touchline. As one Twitterer suggested, a ‘squat-off’ with Andrés Villas-Boas would be fine festive entertainment.
LLL was not a huge fan of his tactical changes to Athletic though - Javi Martínez is wasted at centre-back whilst there was no target man up front until Fernando Llorente was introduced in the second half as the forward recovers from injury.

Pepe Mel
A 2-0 win over Sporting suggests the decision from the Betis bosses to hang on to Pep Mel despite a run of just one point from thirty in a terrible phase in 2011 was the right one. Sunday evening’s victory was the club’s third in a row.

Atlético Madrid
Really hard to know where to stick Atlético Madrid this week, but for the sake of a bit of a change, it’s a ‘good day’ award for the Rojiblancos despite yet another doomed attempt to win away from home after a goalless draw at Málaga.
Despite just one game in charge, the stamp - no pun intended towards the Argentinean’s victims during his playing career - of Diego Simeone was clear to see on Atlético: an awful lot of tough tackling but not too much threat going forward.
There is much talk in the Madrid press in the post match reaction of concentration, intensity and foundations being built but some fancy football is going to be needed next week in a key home clash against Villarreal if Diego Simeone’s happy relationship with the Atleti fans isn’t going to last as long as a Kardashian’s marriage.

Rayo Vallecano
It wasn’t a particularly happy holiday in Vallecas after four defeats, a cup knock-out and the players refusing to attend the club’s Christmas dinner after a dispute over money with the owners. But spirits were certainly higher on Sunday with a boisterous, bustling busy 2-1 win over a lethargic Sevilla in front of truly fantastic fans.

Racing Santander
The 1-0 win over Zaragoza - an awful game by most accounts - sees the record of the managerial trio in charge of the team stand at two wins and two draws since the sacking of Héctor Cúper. They are also now out of the relegation zone by a point. Too many cooks? Pah!

Villarreal
Curses! It was all looking rosy for new Villarreal boss José Molina when his side lead local rivals Valencia 2-1 with just four minutes to go. But then the defence failed to clear their lines and Ariz Aduriz swept the ball home to level matters. Although Villarreal slipped into the relegation zone, a point against a tasty team seems some cause from optimism in el Madrigal.

Bad Day

Barcelona
While one doesn’t want to talk about counting chickens before the fat lady sings, she’s certainly tucking into a second helping of brownies and custard when it comes to Barcelona’s title chances. A combination of poor away form, the tendency to switch off during games, a bad recent record against Espanyol and a last minute penalty decision going against the Dream Boys left Barça five points behind Real Madrid after a 1-1 draw in Cornella.
But to be fair to Barcelona there has been very little moaning about the call that saw an unpunished handball from Raúl Rodríguez. There is a general acceptance that the nothing more was deserved for a starting eleven that was the same as the one that faced Real Madrid, but certainly didn’t put it as much effort.

Cristiano Ronaldo
The Portuguese player’s extremely pouty response to his first and Real Madrid’s fifth goal of Saturday’s victory has received a very hostile response in normally friendly waters. Although Aitor Karanka claimed that Ronaldo “was only angry because not everything worked for him,” nobody believed José Mourinho’s number two for a second.
Instead, it’s quite clear that Ronaldo is still the incredible sulk after being booed by some sections of the Santiago Bernabeu during el Clásico in December. “Cristiano is a magnificent player but sometimes his pride lets him down,” tuts AS editor Alfredo Relaño, with colleague 'Mad' Tomás Roncero suggesting that José Mourinho should "sit down with Cristiano and calm him down.”
Marca were equally as critical with Sunday’s editorial suggesting that “if Cristiano doesn’t like how the Madrid fans express themselves, the worst thing he can do is show it in the celebration of a goal.”

Dani Alves
Supporters in the stadium heard the racist noises aimed at Barcelona's Dani Alves, TV viewers heard them too. But it appears nobody else did, not even the Brazilian himself.
“I was very focussed on the game and didn’t hear anything. I never hear what goes on around me, but it took place then I condemn it. We hope to get rid of this kind of behaviour,” said Espanyol coach Mauricio Pochettino after the game.

Málaga
This season’s Málaga isn’t actually that good - notable exceptions such as Isco and Santi Cazorla aside - but a few decent results could see la Liga’s nouveau rich team making the Champions League places, which are just five points away, simply because everyone else around them is equally as disappointing or - as in in Osasuna and Levante's case - will probably lose form as the season goes on.

Marcelino
The Sevilla manager’s instincts are always to avoid defeat rather than go for the win, and this is costing Marcelino’s men badly, with the club now on a run of three league defeats. In the final half an hour, Sevilla showed how well they can go forward when two strikers are played after the introduction of Freddie Kanouté, but it was too little, too late despite Marcelino after the game talking about luck and the size of the Vallecas pitch.

Real Zaragoza
They may have a new manager in Manolo Jiménez, but the result was the same - a defeat, the club’s eleventh in 17 games. “No football, no heart and no soul,” blasted the match report from AS on a team that are bottom of the table with just ten points.

Sporting
If Zaragoza look set to take up the first relegation spot then Sporting could well be claiming the second. The away defeat to Sporting makes it just one win a five for Sporting.

La Preview: Sinking ships, aching goolies and Iker Casillas Avenue

Tim Stannard — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 14:44:00 GMT

Saturday

  Racing Santander (19th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 18.00 local time  
La Liga returns from a Christmas slumber with a clash between the two biggest football boot-wearing disaster zones in la Primera. Racing are now being run by administrators due to no-one being entirely sure who owns and controls the club and huge amounts of pre-Christmas institutional in-fighting. The side itself is in the hands of three coaches whose supposedly temporary appointment was made permanent during the break when nobody was paying much attention. The trio, fronted by Juanjo Gonzalez, managed to lose 2-0 to third tier Mirandés in the Copa del Rey during the week.  
Zaragoza have a new manager in Manolo Jiménez but have lost a key player in the wonderfully named Ponzio, who announced he was joining River Plate while sniffling like a big girl at a farewell press conference. “There are people who understand me and those who don’t. But honestly I’m not leaving the sinking ship,” claimed the sinking ship-leaving midfielder.   
LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (4th) v Mallorca (14th) - 18.00
  LLL was already aware of the genius of Mallorca manager Joaquín Caparrós, but it had no idea of its depth. It turns out that the madcap Andalusian is the Primera coach to have served the most consecutive years in the division, with 11, and the most matches under his belt, with 390. The secret of this success, claims a modest Caparrós is Google and gadgety things. “He who doesn’t adapt to new times is dead. You have to innovate, learn and be creative. Before, you had run for miles to get information, today you have everything on the internet.”  
LLL Prediction - Home win

  Real Sociedad (15th) v Osasuna (5th) - 18.00  
The Osasuna collective wasn’t happy at all at the appearance of Leo Messi during Wednesday’s 4-0 cup defeat and not just because the Argentinean scored two goals. Like everybody else, the club had been lead to believe the forward would be missing the match with the flu, but instead Messi came on in the second half to contribute to Osasuna’s eventual demise. “If Messi’s stomach was aching then my goolies ached too,” scoffed an unhappy Osasuna club president, Patxi Izco.
  LLL Prediction - Draw  

Real Madrid (1st) v Granada (13th) - 20.00  
On Thursday, Iker Casillas attended the opening of his own street in his home town of Móstoles, to the south of Madrid. As well as being probed about being the oddness of Iker Casillas walking along “Iker Casillas Avenue”, the goalkeeper was asked for his opinion on José Mourinho’s rant about his players traveling too much over Christmas and enjoying the holiday festivities a bit too enthusiastically. Unsurprisingly, for a footballer who advertises beer, the club captain was a fan of the latter. “(Holidays) are for disconnecting, for being with family, for spending time doing other things and not thinking about football.”   
LLL Prediction - Home win

  Málaga (7th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 22.00
  In the end, José Antonio Reyes slipped quietly into the night to return to Sevilla which is very much against the grain at the club with memories of the long drawn-out departures of Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán still fresh. Although there is a bit of paperwork to be done at time of writing - sorting out the reported €1.5 million the club owes the whining winger for one - the €3.5 million deal is done and dusted. How to replace Reyes is now the challenge for new boss Diego Simeone, who made the worrying admission this week that “I spend 24 hours a day thinking about Atlético Madrid,” which really can’t be healthy.   
LLL Prediction - Away win  

Sunday  

Rayo Vallecano (16th) v Sevilla (6th) - 12.00  
In the final dispatches of 2011, LLL reported that Sevilla president José María Del Nido had been found guilty of fraud during his time as a lawyer working in the sleaze pit of Marbella and was to be sent to the slammer. However, due to a lengthy appeal process Del Nido won’t be going to prison just yet. But this does not mean that his life will be completely footloose and fancy free as the Sevilla big wig has to visit a judge on Monday to see what constraints he may suffer, including the possibility of having his passport taken away.   
LLL Prediction - Away win   

Getafe (12th) v Athletic Bilbao (9th) - 16.00
  LLL will be dropping in on this particular game after a Sunday morning session in Vallecas and may well be watching a visiting side lead by the next Barcelona manager. With Pep Guardiola yet to confirm his career intentions (a 2013 departure is a good bet) the paper talk is that one of his mentors, Marcelo Bielsa, could be the successor. “Bielsa has the capacity to be manager of Barcelona, there’s no doubt,” confirmed the current Barça boss.   
LLL Prediction - Away win

  Villarreal (17th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00  
A local derby against a side fresh from a 1-0 win over Sevilla in the Copa del Rey is not exactly an easy start for new and very temporary Villarreal boss José Francisco Molina, who has taken over from the fired Juan Carlos Garrido. But that doesn’t mean the new manager sucking up sessions have not begun, with the disappointing centre-back Cristian Zapata getting his work in early. “Molina is very demanding, he wants is to work hard on pressuring and not giving the opposition any breathing space.”  
LLL Prediction - Away win   

Betis (11th) v Sporting (18th) - 19.45
  LLL suspects 2012 might be a bad one for Sporting, who are going to find it tough going in their relegation battle, which could ultimately be doomed. Still, Manolo Preciado is staying positive even if the blog isn’t saying that his club’s situation “is not dramatic” but difficult instead.   
LLL Prediction - Home win  

Espanyol (8th) v Barcelona (2nd)   - 21.30
AS have been driving home their “Villarato” nonsense again - the campaign that suggests the Spanish FA is in the pocket of Barcelona - by using an attempt by Pep’s Dream Boys to have the first tie of the club’s cup clash with Osasuna switched to Pamplona to allow time to have the pitch changed at the Camp Nou. This request was denied leading AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, to claim that “they’ve over abused the influence they’ve invested in,” at the FA.   
LLL Prediction - Away win

Mourinho fumes as lethargic Madrid struggle to shake holiday hangover

Tim Stannard — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 09:39:00 GMT

Aside from eye-poking, mumbling, slouching, wearing body-warmers and being a prolific conspiracy theorist, José Mourinho's one defining characteristic as a manager is that he doesn’t tend to openly criticise his players. Other than Karim ‘the *** cat’ Benzema.

So anyone who hadn’t caught Real Madrid’s first half display against Málaga in Tuesday's Copa del Rey clash would have realised that the forces of Mordor must have been absolutely rotten for forty-five minutes, given that the Madrid manager admitted “if I could have, I would have changed eleven players [at half-time]".

Instead, Mourinho brought on three newbies after going into the break 2-0 down in the Santiago Bernabeu, thanks to two identical headed goals from corners. It was a triple change which worked a treat and transformed a lethargic, lackadaisical side “with no tension” and clearly still on their holidays into a bustling busy-body, Benzema-inspired outfit which scored three goals to give Madrid the advantage in next Tuesday’s second leg in Málaga.

Mourinho threw another titbit to the press by suggesting that some of his players may have been a little too festive during the winter break, a rest that the Portuguese is not exactly a big fan of. “Some use their holidays to rest, other use it for constant travel, having fun and eating at their father’s house, their aunt’s and their grandmother’s.”

This has, of course, lead to a tremendous guessing game in Spain - well, in LLL’s household anyway - in trying to identify the guilty culprits. Marca helped things along a little bit by publishing photographs of Cristiano Ronaldo playing with dolphins in the Maldives, Kaká in Dubai and Iker Casillas in a bar surrounded by friends and one or two beer bottles. “The Christmas album that Mourinho did not like,” stirred the paper.

There was no such controversy for Goody Two Shoes, sort-of sponsored by UNICEF Barcelona, of course, with the European champions all tucked up in bed - by scantily-clad supermodels, no doubt - before 10pm, having knocked four past Osasuna in their first leg cup clash on Wednesday, setting up the all too real possibility of two more Clásicos in January in the next round. Huzzah...

Pep’s Dream Boys were one of the few Primera clubs to put in a proper evening’s work in the cup. Racing Santander managed to lose 2-0 to Segunda B side, Mirandés, whose main striker works in a bank. Athletic Bilbao were held to a goalless draw by Andrés Iniesta’s Albacete and the mighty Real Madrid-slaying Alcorcón beat Levante 2-1. The Copa del Rey being as it is, all three top flight sides have the chance to correct their mistakes next week in their home legs.

The best tie of the lot takes place on Thursday evening, as Valencia host Sevilla in a battle of two teams likely to be taking the tournament very seriously indeed. Unai Emery is especially up for the game, sensing “connotations of life and death” in the two-legged clash, making the Valencia man one of the few working up a sweat over the competition at this relatively early stage.

Holiday season extended indefinitely for sacked trio of managers

Tim Stannard — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:00:00 GMT

A holiday-celebrating LLL turned its back for just a few minutes and found la Liga had been up to all kinds of naughtiness, like a toddler smearing doo-doo onto a freshly painted wall. It's just one of the reasons why the idle blog never made it as a babysitter during its teenage years.

Although LLL is still searching through the landscape for more managerial debris, as far as it can tell there were three Primera coaches fired during the Spanish league’s winter window. One was entirely predictable, the second was a bit of a surprise quite frankly, while the third was eyebrow-raising at first but not that unusual after considered reflection.

Gregorio Manzano bought the managerial biscuit in no uncertain terms after Atlético Madrid's home loss to Albacete. The Copa del Rey exit ended Greg’s second coaching spell at the Rojiblanco loon house. The club moved quickly to replace him by hiring former player Diego Simeone, as the next manager to be fired by his new bosses in six months' time.

“Today is a new cycle for Atlético Madrid,” trumpeted club president Enrique Cerezo, using a very apt word considering Atleti 'cycles' tend to end back where they started – with some poor chump being sacked. “We need to get the team’s spirit back,” noted Simeone, whose first training session was held at the Calderón with 5,000 fans attending.

Villarreal prompted a rather surprised ‘golly’ from LLL by parting company with Juan Carlos Garrido, who last season led them to fourth place and the Europa League semi-finals. But Garrido got the boot after awful performances this year in la Primera, the Champions League and the Copa, from which they were knocked out by lowly Mirandés.

“It was not a surprise,” announced the club’s former No.2, who quite clearly has greater predictive powers than the blog. Former Atlético and Deportivo goalkeeper and Villarreal youth team manager José Francisco Molina is taking over until the end of the season, with the Yellow Submarine a little on the skint side these days having made a €16m loss last season.

“We want to show that we’re not inferior to anyone and our hard work will put us where we belong,” promised Molina, whose first game in charge is against Valencia this weekend.

The third club to fire their coach was Zaragoza, by some distance the most ridiculously run side in la Primera. Club president Agapito Iglesias has the itchiest trigger finger around and disposed of Javier Aguirre with the club rock bottom of the table and out of the cup at the hands of second division Alcorcón.

Iglesias then appointed a new board whom he described as “honest people, Zaragoza forever who feel the club’s colours and can help,” which would make a nice change. Part two of the plan was to appoint former Getafe boss Míchel, but the man who kept the Madrid side up then led them to the Europa League decided that the Zaragoza seat was a little too hot for his posterior.

Back-up choice Manolo Jiménez, last seen on Spanish shores being jettisoned by Sevilla, has taken on the fun challenge of keeping Zaragoza up with a fine bit of bum-kissing. “I’m not coming to a team at the bottom of the table, but an historical great that is Real Zaragoza.” Now he simply needs to follow that PR victory with one on the pitch – which would be the side's first since October.

Manzano left facing Atlético axe as Simeone waits in the wings

Tim Stannard — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:19:00 GMT

The fact everyone had actually been gathered together to talk about a football match had been pretty much forgotten in the Atlético Madrid press room on Tuesday evening.

Instead, the pre-match conference became a feeding frenzy, with battered, beleaguered boss Gregorio Manzano on the menu. Most of the questioning centered on whether a Copa del Rey game a day later was going to be the manager’s last in charge of Atlético Madrid.

“Ask me about Albacete, not about rumours,” pleaded a weary Manzano, to no avail.

Atleti have to turn around a 2-1 first leg deficit in Wednesday evening's clash at the Vicente Calderón, but the real focus of the media’s attention was the news that former Rojiblancos midfielder Diego Simeone had resigned from his post as manager of Argentine club Racing Club de Avellaneda in expectation of taking over in the Spanish capital.

The appointment could be confirmed as soon as Monday, so say AS, who see the move as a done and dusted irrespective of what happens in Wednesday’s game.

When quizzed regarding the possibility of Simeone returning to the club he represented over 125 times during two spells, the most recent ending in 2005, Rojiblanco president Enrique Cerezo told Argentine radio he would “end up being manager” at Atlético, which to LLL sounds more like some kind of vague threat than a prediction or promise...

Another Spanish big cheese making a declaration on Tuesday was Sevilla president José María Del Nido who held a press conference a day after he was found guilty of fraud by a court and sentenced to seven-and-a-half years in prison. Unsurprisingly the ever cocky and confident Del Nido revealed that he planned to stay on in charge of Sevilla despite the conviction as in his mind the legal process was far from over.

“The sentence can be appealed and while it is not firm I remain innocent of everything,” claimed Del Nido, who said he gave the concept of standing down for the good of the reputation of the club some consideration but then eventually thought better of it, what will all the big lunches, comfy seats and free match tickets.

“I’ve been through the good and bad sides. I understand my position as president benefits the institution more than it can damage its image, although it’s true that it will seem damaged,” admitted the Sevilla president who received banners of support during Sevilla’s 2-1 cup win over San Roque, a result that sent them though the next round of the Copa, where they were joined by Real Madrid, Mallorca and Espanyol the other winners from Tuesday night’s games.

Past catches up with Sevilla President Del Nido

Tim Stannard — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 16:14:00 GMT

Outside Spain, the billionaire’s paradise of Marbella is known as a sizzling, sunny spot to park a North Sea ferry-sized yacht and put one’s Russian or Middle Eastern feet up for a while.

Within the country, though, Marbella has a well-earned reputation for being a sinkhole of festering, filthy corruption for the past couple of decades.   

The town and surrounding area was the power base for the horrendously dodgy former Atlético Madrid president and Marbella local mayor, Jesús Gil, who died in May 2004 after a spectacular existence of boorish behaviour, corruption accusations, fraud, prison sentences and tons and tons of pie.   

The legacy of Gil continued in Marbella with his former lieutenant, Julian Muñoz, taking over the role as Mayor and also ending up in the slammer for fraud - something that has made him a bit of a folk hero with Spain’s Telecinco channel which has followed his life and loves over the past decade with great interest.

  The connection between these two figures - aside from both being despicable people - is that their lawyer was Sevilla president, José María del Nido, who was also up to his armpits in illegal activity in Marbella, declared a court on Monday in the long running corruption ‘Caso Minutas’ trial, which examined Del Nido’s role as a legal advisor to the city council.  

“Del Nido was a willing accomplice criminally responsible for offenses of continuous fraudulent activities in tenders, corrupt practices and embezzlement of public funds,” the court ruling said in sentencing the Sevilla president to prison for seven-and-a-half years.

NEWS Sevilla chief Del Nido sentenced over fraud

  The 54-year-old who has been president of Sevilla since 2002 will not be straight to jail though as there is still an appeal process to go through which could take quite some time, years even. However, it has started a debate on whether a convicted criminal should be in charge of a Primera football club (as opposed to a whole host of not convicted but probably should be ones, perhaps).   

Although Del Nido is set to give a press conference on Tuesday evening to discuss his present and future, a leading shareholder, Rafael Carrión, has called for the president to step down. “If I were him, I’d resign, as Sevilla cannot have a criminally convicted president. It damages the entity.”   

Del Nido, though, is popular with fans for having saved the club from near oblivion in the first part of the last decade and having led them to incredible success in Spain and Europe, a run of trophies that included two UEFA cup wins. However, message boards in Spain do also reflect that a number would be somewhat uncomfortable about having a crook as a leader.

  The support from the club itself since Monday’s sentence was past has been firm with sporting director, Monchi, wanting to “give out a message of confidence, affection and calm.” Sevilla coach, Marcelino, also offered his “total and sincere support," adding, "my hope is that he stays on as Sevilla president for many more years to come.”    

As well as Del Nido’s immediate future and that of the club being somewhat uncertain at the moment, it will be interesting to see what happens to the vigorous campaign lead by the Sevilla president on seeking a fairer distribution of TV rights between the 20 Primera clubs.

After all, what right does anyone have to talk of what’s fair or not when they have spent many years ripping off Marbella tax-payers to the sum of €2.8 million.  

It wouldn’t be at all surprising if Del Nido stayed on at his post whilst the legal process continued. The tolerance for corruption in Spain is fairly high, mainly because it is unfortunately so prevalent in Spain, especially in local councils.

What’s more, Del Nido’s dubious past connections have hardly been a secret, although something conveniently ignored by the media. Until Monday that is when the Sevilla president’s past finally came back to haunt him.

Tim Stannard's Primera Liga XI

Tim Stannard — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 11:45:00 GMT

The mission set by the evil FourFourTwo masters sounded an easy one at first. Pick your la Liga XI to take on a side from the Premier League. “Easy,” thought LLL “Barcelona with a couple of Real Madrid players thrown in for good measure.”

The catch though was that the side had to be made up of players from eleven different clubs, not so easy considering 18 of the 20 la Primera outfits are, to be brutally honest, not really much good. In fact, it was a torturous exercise of jiggling, poking and swearing, but here are the results in a sort of narrow 4-3-3 formation.

Thibaut Courtois - Atlético Madrid
While the rest of the Rojiblancos are merrily underperforming - as they tend to do every year - the 19-year-old Chelsea loanee has been a solid performer between the sticks, with the Belgian goalie making lingering memories of David de Gea seem distant.

Juanfran - Levante
The selection strategy has been to pack the midfield and forward line with talent and then hope for the best in defence. Especially in the fullback area. Yes, Juanfran is 35 and is getting on a bit, but Juanfran has also been a rock in one of the best teams in la Liga in 2011, statistically speaking. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, buddy...

Adil Rami - Valencia
Fast, tough, aggressive and quite scary at the back as well as very handy in the opposition box, the French international has been one of the buys of the season, and is Valencia’s very valuable contribution to la Liga’s best XI.

Iñigo Martínez - Real Sociedad
Spanish U-21 defender extraordinaire, future full team regular and a centre-back who also likes to score goals from his own half - something that Martínez has done twice this season.

Miguel Torres - Getafe
This was a real problem position and the whopping weak spot of the team. Miguel Torres is the best of a bad bunch of Racing and Zaragoza players available as although the Getafe fullback is incredibly unspectacular, has a fear of crossing the half-way line, Torres is reasonably competent and consistent.

Javi Martínez - Athletic Bilbao
A tough-tacking, box-to-box, rampaging World Cup winner who can also play in defence which may be necessary from time-to-time in this particular line-up. A powerful, physical footballer that any Premier League team would love to have anchoring their midfield.

Borja Valero - Villarreal
His team may not be having the best of spells at the moment with Valero’s form suffering too, but the Villarreal playmaker has been one of the consistently best Primera players over the last couple of seasons - an expert at nearly every type of set-piece, cross and pass imaginable.

Santi Cazorla - Málaga
Playing in front of his former Villarreal teammate, Borja Valero, it’s Santi Cazorla - a footballer with wonderful technique, brilliant creativity, a cheeky smile and a Spanish international who would have had an awful lot more caps by now if it weren’t for the fact that’s he’s in existence on the earth at the same time as footballers like Andrés Iniesta, David Silva and now Juan Mata.

Cristiano Ronaldo - Real Madrid
Positioned on the left of a front three it’s the one and only Cristiano Ronaldo, a footballer that many knockers forget scored an awful lot of goals playing for Manchester United, as well as the century and then some of strikes he’s banged in with Real Madrid. The manager’s only concern is whether Ronaldo and a certain Argentinean in the squad will speak to each other - never mind pass.

Leo Messi - Barcelona
It was a serious temptation to drop the wee Argentinean to bring in Andrés Iniesta to the midfield or even have the defence lead by Gerard Piqué, but the decision was made to go on the all out attack and adopt the policy of scoring more goals than the opposition - something Leo Messi might be able to help with.

Alvaro Negredo - Sevilla
It was a tough choice between the Sevilla striker and Fernando Llorente for the front man position, but Negredo nicks it due to the requirement of Javi Martínez to add some steal to the midfield and help out at the back. However, the former Madrid man more than justifies his position as a forward who can score goals ranging from the simple to the spectacular. Negredo is also a footballer who was the top scoring Spaniard in la Liga last season with 20 goals.

FEATURE FourFourTwo's Premier League XI

Good Day, Bad Day: Saint Iker’s save, Soldado’s strikes & Manzano's misery

Tim Stannard — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 11:43:00 GMT

Good Day

José Mourinho
The Madrid manager still looked utterly miserable after his team’s 6-2 victory over Sevilla, and as well he might considering he had to face endless questions from ranting local journalists about the financial inequalities in la Liga, all of which were met not unreasonably with indifferent shrugs and responses of ‘not my problem, mate’.
Mourinho had claimed as early as Monday that his side would bounce back from their Barcelona battering and be top of the table at Christmas, and so it came to pass. While Barça have struggled away from home this season - Santiago Bernabeu aside - Madrid continue to take their away day adventures very seriously indeed, something that could be key when the title race continues in 2012.

Iker Casillas
Cristiano Ronaldo and Angel di María should have a couple of spots in the Good Day section but, quite frankly, LLL is a little bored of writing about their endless goals and assists. For the record it was four and two for the pair respectively on Sunday. Instead the blog has decided to shine its torch of truth on Iker Casillas, this time around, as the Madrid captain hasn’t really had the chance to pull any whoppers out of his goalkeeping net this season.
‘San Iker’ certainly did in the Sánchez Pizjuán with an astonishing stop from Manu del Moral, that was reminiscent of an effort against Diego Perotti two years ago in the same fixture. That was followed by another fine effort from Piotr Trochowski to help withstand an early battering from Sevilla and keep Madrid in the game to produce their eventual thwacking.

Roberto Soldado
Two cracking goals for the Valencia man making it 11 in la Liga this season, ends a worryingly wobbly spell for the Mestalla men and seals what has largely been a solid start to the season for Valencia despite the club’s Champions League exit.

Osasuna
Drawing 1-1 with visiting Villarreal with just ten minutes to go, Osasuna needed something old school to break the deadlock. And that’s what they produced, with Sergio scoring a trademark header from a trademark corner for another trademark Osasuna victory that sees the Pamplona side in fifth going into the winter break.

Thievy
Espanyol’s rather exciting young French striker Thievy launched a screamer of a shot just two minutes into the match to give Espanyol a 2-1 win at Sporting. It gave Espanyol back-to-back wins before the winter break to help calm a few concerns about a Perico lack of firepower.

Athletic Bilbao
It certainly wasn’t a mighty purty performance to beat Zaragoza 2-1, with Athletic down to ten men after the referee sent off Javi Martínez for a perfectly good tackle and gave the visitors a penalty in the process. But Athletic kept on plugging away in the second half when Zaragoza were also reduced to ten men and local hero, Gaizka Toquero, came up with a late winner to end a run of three matches without a win.

Pepe Mel
Betis are being rewarded for sticking with coach Pepe Mel, despite a awful spell that produced nine defeats and a draw. Betis have now won their last two games and looked more than decent in Sunday lunchtime’s 2-0 victory over Atlético Madrid.

Getafe
Seeing Getafe playing away from home and ending up scoring more goals than their opponents is a most peculiar sensation seeing as the Coliseum club hasn’t managed it since December 19th of last year, making three points on their travels a newly-formed Christmas tradition for Getafe. Saturday’s 2-1 win over Mallorca after two goals from Abdel Barrada was also the first time the side had managed two or more league victories in a row in about a year. The last time that happened was (anyone, anyone, anyone?) December 19th last year.

Racing Santander
The goalless draw against a 10-men Real Sociedad still keeps Racing in the relegation zone but the result does see the Cantabrian club undefeated in the last three games ever since their trio of trainers took over from Héctor Cúper.

Bad Day

Sevilla
To lose 6-2 at home is more than a little careless. To do it two years in a row to the same opponent as a hapless Sevilla have now managed is quite ludicrous. In just one match, Marcelino’s men managed to increase by half and then some the goals that a previously tight Sevilla had conceded so far this season.
A host of early chances were missed - LLL is looking at Manu del Moral for a couple of them - and Real Madrid scored whenever they wanted. “I have the feeling that we’re a team that has highs and lows and we played a match today that’s very hard to explain,” mused Marcelino the manager.

Gregorio Manzano
LLL discovered that it did have a heart after all. The blog was up in the stands watching the Atlético Madrid manager on the touchline being roundly abused by the crowd for a good 45 minutes. It’s no wonder Manzano prefers to sit on the bench - something that also generates wrath from the Vicente Calderón crowd.
Despite Atlético playing reasonably well for much of the game against Betis, the side simply weren’t able to take their chances with the horribly off-form Falcao missing two very early sitters which would have surely given the Rojiblancos a comfy victory. Instead, Betis stayed patient, waiting for Juanfran’s inevitable errors and came away from the Spanish capital with a 2-0 win - a defeat for Manzano that will surely be the end for his brief but troubled (second) spell at Atlético Madrid, a team now just four points off the relegation zone.

Sporting
Three defeats in four for Sporting, the most recent of which against Espanyol, leaves Manuel Preciado with a fun of a five month relegation battle to come in 2012.

Villarreal
Sporting's failure to pick up points this weekend leaves Villarreal out of the relegation zone, but only on goal difference. The 2-1 defeat to Osasuna on Sunday sees Villarreal fans set to suffer a very unhappy Christmas.

Zaragoza
Some comedy defending some Zaragoza against Athletic Bilbao, especially in the first half for Markel Susaeta’s goal, sees Javier Aguirre’s side going into the Christmas break, rock bottom of the table and on a run of five straight defeats. “The dressing room is really down, but la Liga carries on,” admitted the club’s plucky Mexican manager. “Other clubs are moving away from us, but where there’s life there’s hope.”

La Preview: Barça baiting, Manzano's must-win match and Ruud behaviour

Tim Stannard — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 12:50:00 GMT

Two weeks ago

Barcelona 4-0 Rayo Vallecano
Already played thanks to Club World Cup-enforced rescheduling, but LLL would have said 4-0 anyway

Saturday

Mallorca (11th) v Getafe (13th) - 18.00 (local time)
Although LLL was at the Coliseum last Sunday to see Getafe’s truly awful 1-0 win over Granada - a memory it is trying to obliterate through the means of meths - it didn’t hear the boos for forward Miku from a section of the home support. That’s largely because a section of the home support in Getafe’s case is about eight boisterous 14-year-olds trying to be heard from the other side of the stadium.
There was apparently a repeat of the boo-age on Tuesday during Getafe’s 1-0 Copa del Rey home defeat to Málaga, something that manager Luis García did not like one bit. “We are killing an important player and this doesn’t help. He’s upset and hurt,” claimed the Getafe boss on his suffering striker.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (18th) v Espanyol (8th) - 18.00
Well someone at AS certainly had too much time on their hands this week. After Espanyol’s thrilling goalless draw at Celta Vigo, an excited hack found out that the two times that Espanyol won the Copa del Rey in 2000 and 2006, the campaign began with a 0-0 draw in the first round away leg that....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Zaragoza (20th) - 20.00
The club described last weekend as “dead and without a soul” stuck its president and owner, Agapito Iglesias, before the press this week, potentially behind a big iron fence to hold back extremely irate fans who feel with some justification the Zaragoza overlord is a truly incompetent figure. Iglesias told the world that he wasn’t going to indulge in one of his favourite hobbies - firing coaches - by sacking Javier Aguirre despite his team being bottom-of-the-table. “ We’ve never doubted him,” claimed the Zaragoza big cheese.
To make up for this lack of sacking action, Iglesias promised that he will do the next best thing in terms of sensations that make him feel tingly and that’s bring yet more footballers in. Potentially through a new agency he is setting up to do precisely that activity.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd) - 22.00
There was a rumble in the Spanish capital that the Madridista Marca would get up to some mischief in regards to Barcelona just at the same time that the Catalan club was in Japan attempting to win yet another trophy. Through pure coincidence of course. And low and behold, Wednesday’s front cover claimed David Villa was set to be sold either in winter - unlikely now after what happened in regards to his leg - or over the summer, due to both the player’s poor performance and the desire of the fed-up forward to leave the Dream Boys.
Pep Guardiola responded to such naughtiness by saying that “Marca are lying” an accusation that the never ever, ever make stuff up paper angrily objected to in an editorial on Thursday.
“We have a duty to millions of readers that we consider sacred,” stropped the paper. “No story that we don’t believe in is published. Our intention is always the same, to inform,” continued the editorial causing an enormous coffee sputter and coughing fit from the amused and bemused LLL.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (10th) v Real Betis (14th) - 12.00
While Atlético were preparing to embark on the first of three home games Gregorio Manzano needs to win in the space of a week, Betis boss Pepe Mel was having a bit of a barney at his players after a 1-0 defeat to Cordoba in the accursed Copa del Rey. Having been fairly supportive and diplomatic throughout the season, despite the failing form of his footballers, Mel went all Vin Diesel on his squad ranting that “there are players who aren’t taking the chance to make a difference and make things difficult for the squad selection for the next game.”
Mel’s fury reportedly saw whopping dressing room and coach home rants - something that the soon to be outcast striker, Jorge Molina, certainly didn’t seem to appreciate. “If this is what he thinks then he needs to say to the player’s face,” stropped the forward.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (15th) v Levante (4th) - 16.00
Another side who had a bad time of it in the Copa del Rey were Granada who travelled up to San Sebastian to be beaten 4-1 by Real Sociedad. The club’s president, Quique Pina, was apparently so upset by the loss that he was threatening to force the squad to travel back to the south of Spain from the north coast by coach. AS report Pina then cooled his heels a little and allowed the Granada players to go back by plane the following morning as planned.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (7th) v Villarreal (17th) - 18.00
Another match and yet more misery for Villarreal who could only manage a 1-1 draw at third-tier Mirandés. However, it is a treble yay for Sunday’s opponents who beat Almería 3-1.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (19th) v Real Sociedad (12th) - 19.45
Last Sunday, Racing’s Alvaro celebrated his first Primera goal by giving his shirt away to a supporter in the crowd in the side’s 1-1 draw against Athletic Bilbao in San Mamés. But then poor Alvaro regretted his decision realising it might have been nice as a bit of a memento, especially as he may not be scoring too many more times in this particular Racing team.
So the young defender used something called Twitter to try and get the shirt back. “I wasn’t thinking because of the excitement! Ha! Ha!” explained the Racing stopper. The story had a happy ending though with Alvaro being contacted by the not so lucky supporter who handed the sweaty shirt back to its first owner.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Valencia (3rd) v Málaga (6th) - 21.45
A goalless draw at Cadiz meant more melancholy for Valencia after the defeats to Chelsea and then Levante. But there was some cheery news at least with the announcement that work to restart on the New Mestalla after a couple of years ‘pause’ whilst the club nearly went bankrupt.
The gossip from Málaga according to Marca (yes, them again...) is that there was a bit of a tiff between Manuel Pellegrini and Ruud Van Nistelrooy, who has had a busy season not scoring goals for the southern side as well as sitting on the bench for the whole of the Real Madrid game - something that kicked off a riff between the pair. This fall-out eventually lead to Van Nistelrooy being left out of last weekend’s squad that took on Real Sociedad, although the Dutchman did return for Tuesday’s cup win against Getafe.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Ronaldo set to take aim at Copa del Rey cannon-fodder

Tim Stannard — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 11:53:00 GMT

Having spent the last two years building up Cristiano Ronaldo into some untouchable God-like figure, the Madrid press have changed tack this week, unleashing a rather brutal two days of knocking the Barça-bottler down to size. AS gave the fallen hero the hardest kick in the goolies, publishing a photograph that appears to have the Portuguese bowing down before Leo Messi.

However the period of mourning has been well and truly ended with Ronaldo being built back up again as the King of the World. Marca report that a glum, intense Cristiano was training more or less on his own on Monday, with Tuesday’s headline digging into the Madrid man’s psyche to discover “anger and pride.”

“Cristiano feels wounded and in debt to Madridismo,” claims the paper. Whether or not Ronaldo has spent the last few days tossing and turning in bed with voices screaming “Failure! Loser! Don’t worry it happens to everyone!” will go unanswered, but that’s certainly the case with LLL.

With near perfect timing, Ronaldo has his favourite dish being served up on Tuesday night to help the forward regain his scoring appetite - helpless cannon fodder who will put up minimal resistance. But rather than being of the Osasuna variety, Real Madrid’s next opponents are set to be even more accommodating when it comes to helping Ronaldo boost his scoring stats - a side from the third tier of Spanish football, no less.

The team in question are Ponferradina, a club lying in second place in the second group of Spain’s ‘Segunda B’ - rather like England’s League One, but nothing like it at the same time. The match up near León is the start of Real Madrid’s defence of the Copa del Rey and follows the usual format of the competition: adjust the draw so that the biggest teams play the smallest over two legs, with the first one always being away from home to give the minnows the tiniest chance possible of creating an upset. “To reappear in an uncomfortable setting of the first match of the cup is a sign of the bravery of Cristiano Ronaldo,” oozed an admiring Marca.

José Mourinho is set to play Ronaldo along with some other big guns like Kaká and Gonzalo Higuaín. Speaking ahead of a match the Madrid manager claims to be a dangerous one, Mourinho revealed some exciting news to the club’s fans who may have been fooled by all the league tables that had been published since Saturday’s defeat. “We are leaders,” he claimed, despite the annoying fact they are not and will only be so if they pick up at least a draw at Sevilla on Saturday.

The Copa del Rey is so useless as a competition that not even Ponferradina are taking it remotely seriously, knowing it is utterly rigged against them. “Our league is Saturday’s,” claimed manager, Claudio Barragán. “On Tuesday, it’s a party to enjoy, it’s for everyone.”

It’s a party to be enjoyed by the well-healed especially, it seems, with Ponferradina having charged its own season ticket holders an extra €35 to watch the game with the cheapest tickets left for the ordinary José costing €100.

Atlético Madrid have already played their first leg of the cup against Albacete - losing, of course - and so have Barça, who are now poncing about in Japan at the World Club Championships and having their photo taken on public transport as if it’s some kind of thrilling, exciting event - the footballer’s equivalent to normal folk visiting the Grand Canyon or perhaps meeting David Hasselhoff.

That leaves a bunch of other big sides playing small-fries on Tuesday night and a gaggle of all Primera clashes to be played in front of 500 fans - that’s certainly the case with Getafe who take on Málaga at 21.00 at night and will do so next week in Andalusia in front of a crowd which could even stretch to four figures.

Good Day, Bad Day: Proud Pep, imperious Puyol & Ronaldo's big fat zero

Tim Stannard — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:35:00 GMT

Good Day

Pep Guardiola
Another trip to the Santiago Bernabeu for the Barça boss and yet another triumph for his Dream Boys, with Guardiola yet to be defeated as a manager in the heart of Mordor.
After the game, struggling with a heavy cold, Guardiola praised his players for sticking with their passing principles and staying patient, despite enduring an opening 20 minutes in which little went right for the visitors.
Guardiola made special mention of Víctor Valdés after the game, a goalkeeper who had a howler in the opening seconds with a poorly-aimed pass but still continued to play short balls, despite the obvious knock to his confidence and the testing, slippery conditions.
Barça are still too flakey away from home in smaller games to be completely confident of another league title win this season, but this pegging back of Madrid in the Bernabeu certainly didn’t do their chances any harm.

Carles Puyol
Absolutely magnificent at centre-back and right-back, the two positions the Barcelona defender played in on Saturday night. The man of the match for LLL by some measure.

Levante
What a team! What players! What a story! What a win over Sevilla, technically rivals for a Champions League spot this season given Levante are in fourth with a five point gap over their Andalusian opponents.
The 1-0 victory stemmed from a defensive calamity for Sevilla when, during a goalmouth scramble, Javi Varas couldn’t pick the ball up due to a back pass, something Alvaro Negredo failed to realise, leaving the ball sitting on the goal-line for Nano to welly home.
Levante have surely passed the “need 42 points to survive” mark and must be thinking of the mid-50 region, which could see a top six finish, especially as the likes of Sevilla, Athletic Bilbao and Málaga are dreadfully inconsistent this season.
The spirit in the camp of the Valencia side is summed up by midfielder, Iborra, whose new born baby, Alma, died just days before the game. The footballer told his manager he was ready to play on Saturday, and play he did, coming on with nearly half an hour to go before later leaving the pitch in tears at fulltime. “His professionalism came above everything else,” said Levante manager, Juan Ignacio Martínez.

Osasuna
Another tough as old boots performance from Osasuna produces a point at Málaga and keeps Osasuna in seventh.

Espanyol
Ever dependable Atlético Madrid turned up at Cornella on Sunday night and rolled over for their tummies to be tickled by Espanyol in a 4-1 defeat. Paul from Barcelona was there to see what happened...

Well, who saw that coming? The team line-ups revealed that Alvaro had been dropped to the bench and Rui Fonte and Thievy were starting for Espanyol and Atlético’s line-up made you think, “I thought they had more well-known players than that.”
Atlético started brightly, then the roof caved in. A poor clearance from Courtois was won by Romaric (note to Espanyol : stop faffing about and sign him) went to Verdú, who out of nothing, placed a long distance shot into the bottom corner. Four minutes - 1-0. Two minutes later Verdú ran about 40 metres, beat two defenders and the goalie - 2-0.Then the goal of the match for me, Romaric ran at the “defence” played a one-two and hammered it across the keeper into the far corner - 3-0.
Espanyol were totally dominant but we were expecting Hurricane Atlético in the second half. We got light-breeze Atlético. A mazy run from the hard-working Sergio García bought Espanyol’s fourth.
In the end, a fab performance from an Espanyol team missing four regulars and an awful performance from a team missing a bloke who still has Sevilla curtains in his bedroom. Lovely Atlético fans, the only ones in the league who don’t applaud along with the Jarque tribute, by the way, had left way before the end.
Paul, Barcelona

Mallorca
The 1-0 victory at Zaragoza was the side’s first away win in nine months.

Rubén Castro
Two injury time goals for the Betis striker against Valencia gave his team their first win since dinosaurs walked the earth. “We went out against the third best team in the league without fear, attacking and we were better,” said coach Pepe Mel, whose Betis side have perked up considerably in the past couple of games to put the breaks on a slide towards the bottom of the table.

Getafe
LLL had the pleasure of attending a truly dreadful match between Getafe and Granada in the Coliseum that should have been a goalless draw had it not been for a Javi Casquero shot taking a deflection of a visiting player and going in for a 1-0 win for the home team. Even the ever cheerful Getafe coach, Luis García, was happy to admit that the game was a bit of a stinker when it was all done and dusted.

Nacho Novo
Two goals in one game. Miraculous stuff from the former Rangers man in Sporting’s 3-1 win over Rayo, though the victory wasn't enough to drag the Asturian side out of the relegation zone thanks to a dreadful start to the season.

Bad Day

Cristiano Ronaldo
It's hard not to feel a tad sorry for the rich, talented, supermodel-bothering billionaire, who is getting such a battering from the Madrid fans and press that you’d thought he’d walked out onto the Santiago Bernabeu pitch for the Clásico and peed on a picture of Alfredo di Stefano. Heck, Marca even gave the footballer zero points from three in the paper’s post match ratings.
Ronaldo’s two huge misses and continued failures against Barcelona - Copa del Rey final aside - have given more ammunition to his knockers, who feel that despite the hundreds of goals whacked in against Osasuna, Ronaldo fails to deliver when it counts. Even some of Ronaldo’s teammates have waded in to defend the forward with Iker Casillas saying that “Cris has given us a lot of goals and titles (one anyway - LLL), it’s not fair to doubt him now.”

José Mourinho
It was praiseworthy of Mourinho to have faith in the attacking aspects of his team, with the Madrid manager choosing to play the formidable front four that had contributed to 15 straight wins, rather than a tough tackling trio in midfield. In doing so, the Madrid manager added to what was a surprisingly entertaining game, compared to recent encounters. But Mourinho will have to go back to the drawing board once again in the challenge of properly bringing down Barcelona.

Unai Emery
Looked quite, quite forlorn after Valencia’s incredibly late defeat to Betis on Saturday. For a while it looked like a miserable loss to Chelsea was going to be softened a tad by a hard-fought intense 1-0 victory away at Betis. That was certainly the case at 90 minutes before Rubén Castro popped up with a brace. “Victories and defeats come from details” claimed the Valencia boss, using a bit of the vibe that Mourinho was to dip into after his own ‘details’ defeat to Barcelona, a couple of hours later.

Sevilla
A decent win over Getafe on Monday gave the impression that Sevilla had turned a bit of a corner. But Marcelino’s men played like porridge on Saturday in the 1-0 defeat to Levante with the Sevilla coach lamenting his side’s “comedy goal” that was conceded.

Málaga
A draw at home against Osasuna leaves Málaga in sixth and failing to take advantage of another slip up from Sevilla or gain ground on Levante in fourth. With the continuing disasters that Villarreal and Atlético Madrid are this season, Málaga are missing out on a fine chance to grab a Champions League place.

Athletic Bilbao
Another slip-up at home for Athletic with a late goal conceded against Racing Santander leaves the Basque team with the same number of points as Atlético Madrid. Not a lot of people know that.

Atlético Madrid
Where to start...? With the defence, probably, who were stunningly awful in the four goals scored by Espanyol. Even by Atlético’s terrible standards. The 4-1 loss to the Pericos sees the Rojiblancos without an away win in la Liga this season, with the fans utterly miserable and coach Gregorio Manzano very, very close to the sack.

Rayo Vallecano
Defensive disasters cost Rayo a 3-1 defeat at home in Vallecas to Sporting. Sunday’s loss sees the side with four defeats in row to drop them down towards the relegation zone. Unfortunately there’s no time to move back up the table again before the winter break as Rayo have already played - so to speak - next week’s game - the 4-0 defeat to Barcelona.

Villarreal
Yet another bad day for Villarreal, with a 1-1 draw with Real Sociedad in El Madrigal leaving the side out of the relegation zone only on goal difference.

Zaragoza
Bottom-of-table and set to stay there for a while after a home defeat to Mallorca. “A dead team with no soul” write Marca on a Zaragoza outfit whose owner and president, Agapito Iglesias, simply couldn’t be more unpopular if he tried. Which is something he’ll probably look to do this week.

La Preview: Iniesta buys stake in a football club as Atlético plan a big move

Tim Stannard — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:24:00 GMT

Saturday

Levante (4th) v Sevilla (5th) - 18.00 (local time)
It could be striker switcheroo time at the Sánchez Pizjuán over the winter transfer window, with Frederic Kanouté possibly off to join Samuel Eto’o at Anzhi with the Malian’s agent, Christoph Mongai, revealing that there have been offers from “Qatar, the US and Russia.” It is claimed Sevilla will look to replace one forward signed from Tottenham with another, with Mexican Giovani dos Santos, who did rather well for Racing Santander on a loan spell last year under current Sevilla boss Marcelino, said to be their primary target.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Betis (17th) v Valencia (3rd) - 20.00
In either an act of kindness, sensible thinking or because the club is too broke too pay for an expensive dismissal, Betis president Miguel Guillén has claimed that Pepe Mel can sleep soundly at night - something the coach admitted hasn’t happened too often recently - and not fret over his immediate future. This is despite a run that has seen Betis take just a single point from their last ten games.
“Whatever happens against Valencia, Pepe Mel will finish the season. He’s our manager, we signed him for three years for a long project and has our confidence,” claimed Guillén.
LLL - Draw

Real Madrid (1st) v Barcelona (2nd) - 22.00
Despite such vast bitterness and bragging being hurled about by the media and fans of the two feuding sides - hugely enjoyably for LLL to cover throughout the week, of course - the blog is instead going to bring a heartwarming tale of a footballer remembering his home town club.
Andrés Iniesta was unfortunate enough to come from the rather empty, desolate zone surrounding Albacete, whose football club he played for before being whisked off to la Masia as a nipper. But Iniesta has remained a fan of the third tier club had has leant a helping hand to an institution in financial difficulties by becoming Albacete’s majority shareholder after a €420,000 investment, which gives the Barça midfielder a 21% stake in the club.
LLL Prediction - Draw (1-1 to be precise)

Sunday

Rayo Vallecano (11th) v Sporting (19th) - 12.00
Despite Sporting currently struggling for survival in la Primera - and winning that battle of late - the supporters and members, all 21,800 of them, are pretty much always behind the players and coach in a very non-Blackburn way. That’s because the Sporting massive remember all too well how things were in the club’s recent history, claims president, Manuel Vega-Arango in an interview - and over huge lunch by the looks of it - with Marca.
“We’ve come from being a club with nearly €60m in debt, no owners, partners or sponsorship, that was in genuine ruins in the second division and on the brink of relegation. This was not that long ago,” recalled Sporting’s big cheese.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (15th) v Real Sociedad (13th) - 16.00
Although Manchester United supporters and certain members of their playing squad may not be happy with tootling about in the Europa League, Villarreal manager Juan Carlos Garrido misses the tournament like mad.
Last season, the Yellow Submarine made it all the way to the semi-finals. This year Villarreal managed to lose all six games in the competition's bigger, sexier, richer brother, the final defeat being against Napoli on Wednesday night.
“We’ve paid with physical and mental blows,” admitted the Villarreal boss. “It’s easier to be in the Europa League. The Champions League has its cost.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (16th) v Granada (12th) - 16.00
With fans cheering outside the ground, Granada ran out to an empty stadium on Wednesday to play the final half an hour of their clash against Mallorca - the game that had been suspended on 20th November with Granada winning 2-1 after an umbrella hit an assistant referee in the face.
The match finally ended 2-2 with Mallorca being awarded an iffy penalty which made the whole experience a miserable one for Granada manager, Fabri, who was not a happy camper at all. “What happened today was theatre that began with the suspension of the match that had a fourth official available. We could have saved ourselves good money.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (18.00) v Osasuna (7th) - 18.00
The accusation was enough to bring the fullback to tears. the notion that the Betis player was helping the club with whom he spent last season by providing an insight into his current side's tactical masterplan ahead of their meeting last weekend. The moment came when a camera caught Nelson chatting to Osasuna number two, Alfredo, before last weekend’s defeat in Pamplona and apparently explaining to the coach how Betis would line-up even before the teams had been formally announced.
However, the very upset - and probably quite worried - defender claimed it wasn’t as bad as it looked. “Alfredo had two pieces of paper, one with the whole squad and one on which I appeared. The other had those called up, and in different colours the starters and subs,” explained the big Betis sneak. “I asked him who was going to play, it wasn’t him asking me. I didn’t know the eleven!”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (20th) v Mallorca (14th) - 18.00
If there’s one team who should have been accustomed to playing in a stadium without fans it’s Mallorca, who were hosted by Granada and the side’s empty ground on Wednesday night.
The Iberostar stands are regularly bereft of bodies, so Caparrós knew from experience that “football without crowds loses a lot” and that “playing without supporters is more difficult for the home team.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Racing Santander (18th) - 19.45
LLL was quite taken aback to read that Fernando Llorente was on the brink of physical collapse. Well, the striker’s left knee, anyway. Apparently the big man of Bilbao has been playing in some pain and needs a rest having not missed a league game since November 2009, featuring in 79 consecutive matches. Which is quite mad really.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (10th) v Atlético Madrid (8th)
With ex-players and ex-managers gathered together on Monday - it was a very large room - Atlético Madrid revealed the plans for the club’s new stadium due to be opened in time for the 2015-16 season. The 67,500 capacity ground is set to be paid for by the proceeds of the sale of the land of the current - and extremely rundown - stadium, and is located on the east side of the city, and will be a big pain in the bum to travel to should LLL still be about in four years time.
Unfortunately, the club’s Director General Miguel Angel Gil was unable to take charge of the proceedings on the night having suffered injuries from falling down the stairs - club president, Enrique Cerezo, was not thought to be present at the time - and so it was left for journalist Juan Ramon Lucas to call for what Marca described as “an emotive applause for the late Jesús Gil,” - a figure not particularly popular among many sections of the Atlético Madrid massive.
LLL Prediction - Away win

FFT 100: good news for Spain, bad news for la Liga

Tim Stannard — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 12:17:00 GMT

If England had won back-to-back European Championship and World Cup titles, there would have been motions in Parliament calling for the national side to withdraw from all future competitions. After all, no team has ever made it three tournament victories in a row, so the only realistic future would be complete football failure followed by months of gloomy introspection in phone-in shows over where it all went wrong and how everything was all Fabio Capello’s fault.

This is the unappetising scenario that Spain will be trying to avoid in Euro 2012. However, unlike the excitable English in their alternate dimension, Spain will be going into the tournament in a rather a downbeat mood before a ball is even kicked.

Once all the debris and other more unmentionable material had been hosed and in some cases scraped off the streets after Spain’s 2010 World Cup victory, the country got back to business fairly swiftly with barely a mention, never mind a gloat over the glorious goings-on in South Africa.

This is partly because the Spaniards are a fairly modest and perhaps even insecure bunch, despite the ‘Viva España!’ flag-waving image, and also because of the subsequent economic collapse of the country that sees 22% of the population unemployed and nearly one in two young people out of work. Although Andrés Iniesta’s goal will forever be remembered with a fond smile and a toast, it doesn’t pay the mortgage.

It’s this sense of national unease that currently surrounds the Spanish side, despite the dutiful tub-thumping and cheerleading of the sports papers. Spain’s inability and even unwillingness to perform in friendlies, which sees defeats to Argentina, Portugal, Italy and England along with a disastrous recent performance against Costa Rica, certainly doesn't help confidence levels either. What’s more, the continued growth and progress of Holland and Germany are also being watched closely, considering these were two sides that Spain had to squeeze past on their way to their World Cup victory in South Africa.

Nevertheless, from a non-Spaniard perspective, the future is looking incredibly rosy for Spain judging by FourFourTwo’s 100 Best Players in the World results. The country contributes nearly a fifth of the footballers with a record total of 19, eight ahead of their nearest rivals, Brazil. It's an enormous leap since the list was first published in 2007 and reflects Spain's current position as the best international side on the planet.

Whilst the double-winning French side of 1998 and 2000 was made up of a single ‘golden’ generation, the conveyor belt of talent for la Seleccíon looks good for another six-year cycle. Players such as David Silva, Juan Mata, Santi Cazorla, Fernando Llorente and Javi Martínez are all ready to take over from the current Spanish starters, and then there are future stars such as Ander Herrera and Iker Muniain at Athletic Bilbao – footballers who are more than hungry enough to keep the trophies coming for la Furia Roja.

The results of the Top 100 aren’t just promising for the national game but also la Liga, with the Premier League losing the bragging rights of being The Best League In The World (TM) by contributing 30 players to the list compared to la Liga’s 31 – a swing of seven players since last year's list. This is largely in part to the continued growth of Barcelona, who now have 14 footballers in the top 100 – the most of any club side – and the sudden spurt of Real Madrid, who had just six players in 2007 but have now doubled that figure due to the purchase of players like Mesut Özil.

However, it isn’t all good news for the Spanish game. The country’s third-best team, Valencia, doesn’t have a single footballer in the list, now that Juan Mata, David Villa and David Silva are all gone, and only five players of the 31 do not feature in the ranks of the big two.

That’s a situation that is only likely to worsen, with Villarreal, Valencia and Atlético Madrid always set to be selling clubs. Although Málaga may continue their big spending that saw the purchase of Cazorla – one of the top 100 – it will never be enough to make a dent in the world-class strength of Barcelona and Madrid.

The results show that Spain still have plenty of reasons to be cheerful ahead of Euro 2012 and even the next World Cup, despite their current mini-downer. Even la Liga has some ammunition to its sponsor’s claim of being The Best League In The World (TM).

But the Top 100 also showcases the continuing trend of la Liga being the smallest league in the world, with the gap between the top two and the also-rans growing not just financially, but also in terms of footballing talent.

Valencia’s shame, Barça’s boasts and Mourinho’s mistranslation

Tim Stannard — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 13:49:00 GMT

They let themselves down, they let la Liga down, they let the blog down and most of all they let poor Unai Emery down, their coach who lost the battle of being the coolest young manager on the block to his ginger-tinged Chelsea counterpart.

Valencia’s 3-0 defeat to Chelsea, which means the Mestalla men will spend the start of 2012 diddling about in the Europa League along with Stoke, produced little sympathy in Wednesday’s Spanish papers.

Marca branded the loss as “cruel, but deserved”. “A bad day to make such huge defensive errors,” notes Enrique Ortega on Chelsea’s first two efforts in Stamford Bridge. “The best players are in the Champions League and Didier Drogba deserves to be in it,” admitted the AS match report, which had no complaints about the result either.

Even the ever-enthusiastic Valencia coach had his antenna drooping a little in despair after the rather comprehensive defeat as Emery pretended to look forward to the prospect of 25 matches to come in UEFA’s special losers-and–outcasts competition. “We need to raise ourselves again, in this case it’s for the Europa League," he brave-faced. "We can be comfortable there and we want to win it.”

Stand and deliver: Emery and Villas-Boas

No such problems for Barcelona, whose 4-0 win over BATE allowed the Catalan press to spend a few minutes away from talking about how Iker Casillas is terrified of Leo Messi – Sport’s headline on Wednesday – to be tremendously smug about the fact that it was largely a second string side, with the assistance of Pedro who popped up with a couple of goals.

“[The youngsters] showed their merits before an international audience, that there’s hope and that la Masia is the centre of a marvellous production process,” boasted JM Artels, citing an “international audience” as only 37,000 came to the Camp Nou to see this glorious future out on the pitch.

Sport's Joan Vehils was particularly excited by the notion that a well-paid footballer turned up for a game and sat on the bench for 90 minutes without a showbiz strop. That admirable figure was Gerard Piqué who is “an example” for such brilliant behaviour.

"We're up late on a school night!"

A mixture of Real Madrid’s first team, Castilla squad and Esteban Granero will be facing Ajax in Wednesday’s Champions League dead rubber in Amsterdam as José Mourinho looks to equal a club record from the early 1960s by winning 15 league and European ties in a row.

The Madrid manager seemed to be in good form – snarky – when he claimed that the UEFA translator changing an answer given in English into Spanish had missed out a large chunk of his response to a question from Dutch TV in regards to last season’s match which produced sudden yellow cards for his players and a UEFA suspension for Mourinho.

And to be fair to Mourinho, that had happened with the translator dutifully reporting that the Madrid coach was delighted to be back in Amsterdam but failing to reproduce his remarks that only he has been punished by the organisation for forcing yellow cards and not anyone else.

Asked by the press to repeat everything in Spanish, Mourinho huffed “I’m not a translator” – a claim that will never find agreement among Barcelona fans.

Pep brings shame on Spain while Emery looks for Valencia victory

Tim Stannard — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 11:54:00 GMT

It was the kind of comment that gets La Liga Loca quite cross. Arms folded, feet stamping cross.

It was the kind of comment that drags the reputation of supposedly the best league in the world through the mud, into a sewer, over a bush, across Charlie Sheen’s bedspread and back into the mud again.

It was the kind of comment that should see Pep Guardiola made to sit in a corner until the end of the season and think very, very, very hard about what’s he done.

No, Pep didn’t get his revenge for José Mourinho’s Super Copa eye-poke by hitting Aitor Karanka over the head with a tennis racquet, nor declare independence for Catalonia. Instead, the Barça manager dared...DARED!...to suggest there were more important things going in the world than the seventh Clásico of 2011, a match which may or may not have significant bearing on this season’s title race.

Ahead of Barcelona’s Champions League clash with BATE, the disrespectful Barça boss insulted ‘the most important game of the century (honestly we mean it this time)’ by claiming that what really mattered in the world was going on elsewhere. In somewhere called ‘Europe’. And involving a global economic collapse. “What happens on the ninth of December and Merkel and Sakorzy saving the Euro, not the Clásico,” mocked the coach, who should have his bench-sitting license taken away, if indeed one is required in the first place.

Pep probably thinks famine and war are more important than football too, the weirdo...

In doing so, Guardiola made light of all the brilliant observations being written in Spain ahead of the game. Observations such as the claims made by AS that the referee for Saturday’s game, Fernandez Borbalán, hates Madrid and loves Barça, as demonstrated by a red card he didn’t give to Dani Alves in a match against Racing in the 2008/09 season. Or by missing a handball by a Barça player which halted an Esteban Granero shot last season.

The kind of observation that sees Marca reporting that Mourinho’s master plan is headed by the notion of Real Madrid not conceding a goal in the game - or at least not the first one. The kind of observation that sees the Barcelona press resorting to “Come on! We’re nicer than Real Madrid! Much nicer! Look! Unicef! Messi’s hair!” as their justification for their claims of an imminent Dream Boys victory at the Santiago Bernabeu.

The kind of insight that sees Valencia’s rather important match against Chelsea on Tuesday pushed into second or third place - something that the blog is now also guilty of. Curse you, Pep!

The Mestalla men have travelled to London with the mission of either beating Chelsea or getting a score draw to get through to the knock-out stages and save all kinds of hassle for Unai Emery from the club’s misery-guts, moaning fans. For this reason, LLL was willing to overlook the Valencia coach’s claim that “this is a final” when it isn’t on the grounds that one of the two teams on Tuesday will be going out of the competition. Probably. LLL is still too irate to look at the Group E table (good guess - ed).

Should Valencia be the ones sent packing, then Emery noted that “the economic side is important but what’s essential is the feelings of the fans,” - i.e ‘they’ll be on my frackin’ back from now until May.”

But LLL doesn’t think it will come to that and fancies Valencia to pick up a handy scoring draw, especially when the form of Roberto Soldado is taken into account, a player who may be doing the thumb and index finger 'loser' gesture to Fernando Torres at the end of the night. It would be another shameful moment for Spanish football of course, but no worse than the disgrace that Pep Guardiola has already brought to the game this week.

Good Day, Bad Day: Hair Trigger Soldado, Super Cesc and a Grinding Granada

Tim Stannard — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:18:00 GMT

Good Day

Angel di María
He may something of a diving, face-clutching, faking little so-and-so, but he's still having an extraordinary campaign with Madrid. Saturday’s fairly routine 3-0 victory over Sporting was kicked off with a goal from the Argentinean after awful defending. Di María then popped up with an assist for Madrid’s second after another strike from Cristiano Ronaldo.
“Many people didn’t understand why we bought di María,” Mourinho said after the game of a player who now has 10 assists in la Liga this season. “He came from Benfica after he didn’t have a good year and after a World Cup where he didn’t shine. But I knew this kid had a lot to offer.”

Cesc Fabregas
A brand new hair-do for the Dream Boys midfielder - LLL approves, incidentally - and another rampaging performance in a simple 5-0 win over Levante that saw two goals from Cesc and tongues a waggin’ in Spain over whether the former Arsenal man will make it into the starting line-up for a certain game at the Bernabeu on Saturday night. LLL fancies that he will. At least for today, anyway.

Roberto Soldado
One deft touch and ecstasy was Saturday’s story for Roberto ‘hair trigger’ Soldado, who came off the bench with 15 minutes to go in the clash against Espanyol to poke the ball home with a header from a corner for his ninth league strike of the season. It was the Coentrao-style highlight of a rather snooze-inducing performance from Valencia. Still, it was job done and Valencia are now just four points behind Barcelona with a game in hand.

Osasuna
Seventh - yes, seventh - placed Osasuna are just five points from the Champions League places after a very late winner against Betis at a stadium where the side are still unbeaten this season.

Atlético Madrid
Monday’s papers have been rather sniffy about Atlético’s performance in the 3-1 win over Levante, but LLL was on the spot in the Vicente Calderón and thought it was a considerable improvement on recent efforts at Rojiblanco Towers. While the scoreline was a little flattering in the end, there was rare movement and effort from the Atlético players in front of a 50,000 crowd that seems to rather enjoy midday kick-offs, largely because of the drinking time they afford straight afterwards.

Granada
The Andalusian newbies have now moved into mid-table with a 1-0 win over Zaragoza. Effectiveness is the main tactic of Granada who have won all four of their matches this season with a one goal margin with just six scored in 13 games. Granada have another chance to repeat the feat on Wednesday with the last 30 minutes of the team’s match with Mallorca being played, a clash where Granada are 2-1 up.

Real Sociedad
Two wins in two matches for la Real and two victories managed in remarkable fashion for the side from San Sebastian. Last week’s winner came from a half-way line wonder in injury time. Sunday’s 3-2 victory over visiting Málaga saw Real Sociedad losing 2-1 with two minutes to go before a cracking overhead strike from Carlos Vela evened things out before a cool, calm and collected finish from Ifran won the match in injury time.
“I’m not totally happy with the way we are winning games. We can’t always use direct football at the end of games,” fretted la Real boss, Philippe Montanier, on his side’s new Hail Mary approach to football.

Racing Santander
Three former players took charge during with the week after the resignation of Héctor Cúper and it seemed to do the trick with a 1-0 win over Villarreal, just Racing’s second victory of the season to lift the strugglers off the bottom-of-the-table.
“We couldn’t have dreamed of a better night,” admitted the most vocal of The Trio, Juanjo González, who should probably eat more Red Leicester before going to bed at night by the sounds of it for proper Inception style madness.

La Liga Loca
3-0 to Real Madrid was the pre-match prediction from the blog for Saturday’s clash against Sporting. 3-1 was the predicted scoreline for Atlético Madrid’s win over Rayo Vallecano. But both results came very late in the day with even the blog doubting its own undeniable brilliance in the forecasting department.

Bad Day

Athletic Bilbao
After what was by most accounts a rather sluggish performance from Athletic, Marcelo Bielsa’s side are slowing down a touch having failed to win for the second game running, the latest being a 1-1 draw against Mallorca.

Espanyol
A desperate lack of fire power up front leaves Espanyol without a win in five games now.

Rayo Vallecano
No matter where or when Rayo play, the side from Vallekas always bring the ghetto noise and give it a go in every game, something that has brought the team 16 points this season, but none in the 3-1 defeat to Atlético.
“We have played now in the grounds of all the big teams and we have always taken them on,” boasted Rayo boss José Ramón Sandoval with some justification.
The boisterous Rayo supporters also made their presence felt in the Vicente Calderón with sparkling witty political debate with the Atlético Ultras on the opposite side of the ground with the general argument going “you’re a bunch of fascists! Pah! You’re a bunch of commies!” Not unlike the recent general election discussions in Spain come to think of it.

Villarreal
Absolutely blooming awful against Racing in what looked like very bad news indeed for Manchester City fans who are looking for Villarreal to get something out of Wednesday’s Champions League clash against Napoli. “We have to show more passion, courage and effort,” complained Juan Carlos Garrido on a team who could barely manage a shot on target in a game that really mattered never mind a meaningless midweek match in el Madrigal.

Betis
A considerably sprightlier performance from Betis may keep Pepe Mel in his job for a little while longer - cue instant firing. Betis were battering Osasuna at times in the second half and holding the Pamplona outfit to a 1-1 draw. Then came an injury time free-kick winner from Javad Nekounam to stuff things up. “It’s the first time I used the word luck,” lamented the Betis boss, but we had very little today.”

Zaragoza
Not exactly LLL’s favourite side in the world for too many reasons to mention at the moment, so it doesn’t exactly break the blog’s heart to see Zaragoza at the bottom-of-the-table after a run of seven games with just the single point picked up.
“(Owner) Agapito has put into the club an irreparable decadence and each match is the representation of this inertia,” ranted Mario Ornat in Monday’s AS.

La Preview: Racing’s woeful week and Ronaldo’s icy stare

Tim Stannard — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 12:17:00 GMT

Saturday

Sporting (18th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 18.00 (all kick-offs local time)
One of the season’s finest moments came during the AS awards ceremony dinner held on Monday - not the usual location for hi-jinks and fun. A mischievous tyke had decided to put Cristiano Ronaldo and Atlético Madrid president Enrique Cerezo together on the same table, just two days after the Rojiblancos - and Luis Perea in particular - had dished out a bit of punishment to Ronaldo’s ankle during Saturday’s derby.
The general argument between the pair can be summarised as “your mob are a dirty bunch,” more or less followed by "well you lot started it and are worse", although the Atlético president failed to remember Marcelo’s name, something that can’t be said of a section of his club’s more racist support. But the confrontation was all about Ronaldo’s icy stare - a gaze not even Paddington Bear could hope to equal.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Racing Santander (20th) v Villarreal (12th) - 20.00
It’s been an undeniably lousy, forgettable week for both clubs. Héctor Cúper resigned from Racing along with his coaching staff after just one win from 13. Cúper handed in his notice to the administrators currently running Racing, before releasing a statement through the press advising that he “didn’t want to hurt the club any more.” The slight piece of good news for Racing is that by resigning, Cúper gave up the payment which would have been due had the the Argentinean been sacked.
Villarreal lost 2-1 to Málaga on Monday and then had Nilmar’s agent making it very public indeed that his client wanted out. “Nilmar wants to win a title, something that won’t happen at Villarreal,” complained Horacio da Hora who said Roma have been sniffing around. “Villarreal are desperate for forwards now that Rossi is out so it’s difficult to negotiate at the moment,” whinged the Brazilian’s buddy.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (2nd) v Levante (4th) - 20.00
La Liga Loca has gone all Mr T and is pitying the poor fools who sit on the Spanish FA’s Competition Committee. It’s these sorry souls who will at some stage on Friday have to make a decision (none made at time of writing) on whether Gerard Piqué’s yellow for time-wasting on Rayo was deliberate and thus worthy of a two game ban or just the standard single match. Seeing as the referee didn't mention any naughty motives from the Barça defender in collecting his caution, the group’s hands may be tied and the one match ban will stay.
If that is so, then the Madrid papers are likely to going nuts with the claim that the FA are backing Barça all the way whilst the Catalan press will be moaning that the laws of the game have not been followed and Piqué is being victimised due to Madridista pressure. LLL recommends sick leave from everyone involved until February.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Espanyol (9th) - 22.00
“Away from football, you aren’t going to hear about Miguel,” promised the disco-loving Valencia fullback back in September during a decent spell of form. It appears that if wasn’t for a dressing room mole that would still be the case. But instead a story broke early this week that the Portuguese overslept for the umpteenth time in his Valencia career and arrived late for Sunday’s training - with a subsequent paddling from Unai Emery.
Marca report that the Valencia boss was so furious that this story reached the press that he gave the footballers a lengthy lecture about unity and other concepts that are largely absent from the Mestalla dressing room. Unfortunately, this private chat was also leaked meaning a tough week for the under-fire Valencia players.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Atlético Madrid (10th) v Rayo Vallecano (11th) - 12.00
Atlético’s current plight is not particularly enjoyable for the club or its fans, but it is not quite in the desperate terms reported by marauding midfielder Assunçao, who irritated the heck out of LLL by claiming that “there are 25 finals left, if we pick up a lot of points we can be in the Champions League places.”
With such crashing tedium and cliché, the Brazilian managed to both break the record of ‘x finals left’ and state the bleeding obvious too.
Assunçao also revealed a new management structure at the Vicente Calderón club in discussing his contract situation. “My future belongs first to God and then to Manzano and he decides.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (17th) v Málaga (5th) - 16.00
For the first time in a month or so, the topic of whether la Real boss, Philippe Montanier would be fired or not wasn’t the talk of the town in San Sebastian. Instead, if the half-way line hero Iñigo Martínez.
The young Real Sociedad centre-back has now scored two goals from inside his own half, against Athletic Bilbao and on Sunday, Real Betis. An intrepid AS tracked down one of his former coaches in la Real’s youth set-up and probed him thoroughly on whether these long range roasters have always been part of the 20-year-old’s armory. “These huge shots haven’t been a surprise as he’s alway had a great strike on him, but it seems he’s saved them for la Primera,” chuckled Imanol Idiakez. Martínez himself claims that “if I get a third chance, I won’t hesitate in giving it a go.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Osasuna (7th) v Betis (14th) - 18.00
The match that Betis boss Pepe Mel is likely to need to win to keep his job seeing as the Seville side have now managed to pick up just one point from the team’s last nine games. Heck, Mel has even got support from a member of the club’s administrators - the new thing in Spain, it seems - things are that bad. “There’s absolute confidence that Mel is going to change the team’s way of playing as he set it up and implemented it,” claimed José Antonio Bosch in management speak for “you made the mess, now fix it.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Mallorca (15th) v Athletic Bilbao (8th) - 20.00
Well, it seems like there’s some life in the old Mallorca dog yet. The Balearic club is one of many that are in administration, debts, no money, etc but it seems Mallorca could be rescued from their penury by a handsome stranger on horse. And clutching a cane too. But hopefully there’s no mad hidden wife being kept in an attic.
Marca are reporting that parties from Arabian lands are interested in club - a nice place to park some yachts - and the ubiquitous agent, Jorge Mendes, is helping everyone get to know each other. More news will apparently be forthcoming after a creditors meeting in the middle of December.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Granada (16th) v Real Zaragoza (19th) - 21.30
As way of a bit of house-keeping, the final 30 minutes of Granada’s suspended clash with Mallorca will take place on the 7th December at 19.30. Just so you know.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Sevilla (6th) v Getafe (13th)
In other foreign ownership news, the eventual takeover of Getafe is set for a big date in April when the final decision will be made on whether the romantic proposal made by the Royal Emirates Group last season to bond with the Madrid club will be followed by the football club being formally taken up the aisle, wedded and bedded. Or left at the alter, as happened when a meeting thought to be planned for October never took place.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Good Day, Bad Day: Getafe’s prophet & Atlético's magic 20 minutes

Tim Stannard — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 09:00:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
Another win over Atlético Madrid was not the remarkable part of a fine Saturday night for José Mourinho’s men - although his side were given a bit of a footballing leg-up by the meanie-head referee who reduced the Rojiblancos to ten men - instead it was Barcelona losing 1-0 to Getafe, thus doubling the advantage Madrid hold over the Catalan club ahead of el Clásico in a fortnight’s time.
It is a bit of a cliché to say that there’s a very long way to go in the season and anything can happen in football, but the forces of Mordor very much have the power over the hobbits at Camp Nou. And their leader won’t be giving it up without a fight.

Jonas
Winter window signings tend to fly under the media radar unless they are desperate €50 million season-saving splurges. Valencia picked up striker, Jonas, from Brazilian side Gremio just under a year ago to very little fanfare. In fact, the Mestalla trumpets weren’t even dusted off and lips went unmoistened on the arrival of the forward, who scored three league goals last season. His first of the current campaign on Saturday kicked off proceedings in a very handy 2-1 win at Rayo - a victory that puts Valencia just one point behind Barcelona and with a huge incentive to keep up a solid run that sees just one league defeat in eight.

Levante
Before Sunday, LLL saw enough signs to suggest there was still fight left in the old sea dog of Levante, and the blog was proved right with the Valencia club bouncing back with a convincing 4-0 win over Sporting after three defeats. The win keeps Levante in fourth with a five point gap over Sevilla (Málaga yet to play) and probably needing just five more wins this season to stay up.

Sevilla
Still not playing that well, so that’s while they’ll take a 1-0 away win over Zaragoza after a penalty won and converted by Alvaro Negredo.

Luis García
The Getafe manager is surely a prediction king. Or someone who knows about football tactics - two skills LLL completely lacks. “Barça suffer at set pieces as they are not tall, except for Piqué and Busquets,” opined The Prophet two days before Juan Valera’s winner on Saturday from a corner.

Joaquín Caparrós
The Mallorca manager picked up his first victory in his spell as Balearic boss. And so he should have done too, considering his team were playing Racing Santander.

Granada
A 1-0 win over Athletic Bilbao in the Basque country. Didn’t see that coming.

Iñigo Martínez
This is getting silly. The Real Sociedad defender has only scored two goals this season. But they have both come from inside his own half. The first was against Athletic Bilbao, and the second was Sunday’s late winner against Betis. Quite, quite silly.

Bad Day

Angel di María
Although the Argentinean returned from injury with a goal in the win against Atlético, the little tyke was back with facets of his game that LLL had thought were being phased out - the constant cheating, diving and faking injury. “Pathetic for a good player that doesn’t need to it,” stormed Santi Nolla in Sport.

Barcelona
The Getafe performance was lethargic enough to have Barça fans frustratedly banging the side of their televisions to try and provoke some kind of reaction from the Camp Nou collective. It was only in the dying seconds of the game that Barça started to realise the mess they were in and began to react. To be fair, a goal was incorrectly disallowed for offside when it was a Getafe player, Míchel, who got the final touch of the ball and a post was struck. But seeing as draws are the new defeats in la Liga, the result would still have left Real Madrid with a handy cushion at the top of the table.
The local press reaction to the defeat swung between despair, “we have to be realistic, the league is lost,” wrote Joan Poquí in Mundo Deportivo,” to semi-defiance, with Sport’s headline claiming that “they’ll have to win at the Bernabeu.”
Of course, there’s also room for the barking mad, and the ever-reliable Lluis Mascaró, writing in the same paper, provided a big dollop of paranoid lunacy in Sunday’s edition. “The (Madrid) media cavern will magnify the euphoria with its propaganda campaign which is now unstoppable.” Indeed.

Athletic Bilbao
The home defeat to Granada sees Athletic having picked up just the single point in San Mamés in the three games against Primera new boys, Rayo, Betis and Sunday’s visitors.

Espanyol
A home defeat for Espanyol against Osasuna, means there is even less good will than normal from a grouchy Paul from Barcelona, especially for his side’s neighbours.

“Well that was rubbish. Things we learned from today’s match -
1) Espanyol desperately need a centre-forward. Alvaro, despite scoring, needs more time. Espanyol need an experienced striker.
2) Javi Marquez needs to get fit asap if we don’t want next season’s derby to be against Sabadell.
3) Osasuna ain’t much cop and for the supposed “toughest team in la Liga” they ain’t very tough.
4) Feigning injury is cheating. If you can get a yellow for diving you should get a yellow for this. Osasuna’s number six (that would be Javad Nekounam -LLL) was a disgrace to football.
5) Injury time is totally random. A sending-off, a player down for nearly two minutes, a team constantly warned for time-wasting, six substitutions, only four mins !!!. Fourth official, you had a shocker.
6) Osasuna’s support among part time Crusties has dropped. You used to see loads of mullets supporting them. Now their away support comes in a people carrier. What’s happened? They used to have good away support.
Something learned from another match - that the Getafe result shouldn’t stand because Getafe are one of the teams Sandro Rosell wants kicked out of the league for being too small.They could be playing Man Utd in Singapore instead. Much more important.”
Paul, Barcelona

Atlético Madrid
For the opening 20 minutes of Saturday’s encounter, LLL’s thoughts were probably echoed by the Atlético supporters. “Why don’t you play like this every week?”

Thibaud Courtois
LLL will probably go with Iker Casillas on whether it was a sending-off for Atlético Madrid keeper, Thibaut Courtois, who brought down Karim Benzema to completely change a game where the Rojiblancos held the upper hand. The Madrid number one said the penalty and red card were probably justified going by the letter of the law but that “I hope they change this rule.”

Diego Godín
Oh dear. Another member of the very large ‘used to be a good defender, then went to Atlético Madrid’ brigade. The Uruguayan was outpaced by Cristiano Ronaldo for Madrid’s second goal, failed to clear a ball for the third and then gave away a penalty and picked up a red card for the fourth. Good work.

Pepe Mel
That’s one point from the last nine games for the Betis boss, who saw his side lose 3-2 at home to Real Sociedad after the visitors’ miraculous late winner. Pepe Mel said that he would understand if he was fired, however that doesn’t seem to be the plan for the moment, probably because Betis neither have the cash to pay him off or fund a replacement.

Racing Santander
Bottom-of-the-table with just the single win and nine points. Oh dear.

La Preview: Atlético’s cunning plan and Pep's preoccupation

Tim Stannard — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:41:00 GMT

Saturday

Rayo Vallecano (10th) v Valencia (3rd) - 18.00 (local time)
In a brilliant bit of Saturday night scheduling, it has been decided that if you happen to be a fan of both Rayo and Atlético or Getafe and Real Madrid - which is true of a surprisingly large group of people - then you can only catch just the one game this weekend due to the back-to-back nature of all the matches. Indeed, Rayo supporters are already miffed at the LFP due to their upcoming clash at Barcelona being moved twice due to the World Club Championships.
This is why the always feisty Rayo supporters groups will be making protests on Saturday and asking for compensation from the LFP for any traveling costs incurred for fans who made their bookings before the match was moved. Good luck with that, is the message from La Liga Loca.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Atlético Madrid (9th) - 20.00
Atlético have a few differing plans in mind for beating Real Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu for the first time in 12 years and for the first time in the league for 21 games. Gregorio Manzano has suggested not making any mistakes; Gabi is plumping for showing everyone who Atlético are, while Miranda reckons playing the match as if it is the last game of their lives will do the trick.
AS notes that 24 sides have beaten Real Madrid in the league since Atlético’s last win in 1999 along with six in the Copa del Rey - teams including Toledo, Real Unión and of course, Alcorcón. LLL isn't sure whether this is supposed to be encouraging or taunting Atlético...
Topping the charts of victories against Madrid during Atlético’s drought are Deportivo and Barcelona with nine apiece, then Sevilla with seven. Heck, even Mallorca have managed a win on six occasions. Then there’s the single victories for Las Palmas, Murcia, Sporting and Numancia - all boldly going where Atlético have...er...not boldly gone.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (15th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 22.00
Sometimes you just want a manager to answer the question, “so what about Saturday’s game?” with “Don’t know. Who are we playing? Oh, 5-0. Easy.” Pep Guardiola failed to take this approach and win the blog’s heart forever when probed about the visit to Getafe and their terrifyingly hostile stadium this weekend. “Saturday’s game is going to be tough,” warned the Dream Boys boss. “It’ll be cold, not much rest...I’ve been concerned about this match for a few days,” fibbed Guardiola politely.
Luis García on the other hand fancies his chances against Barça and is “convinced we can beat them.” “Barça suffer at set-pieces as they are not tall except for Pique and Busquets.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Betis (13th) v Real Sociedad (19th) - 12.00
It’s the midday battle of the doomed bosses! Betis have picked up a less than praise-worthy one point from the last 24 available, while Real Sociedad have also been pulling up trees in the loser stakes with two points from the past eight games. Because neither side have a lot of cash floating about it’s tough to know whether Pepe Mel or Philippe Montanier are on the brink of the sack.
Betis president Miguel Guillén, who does look like a firm hand on the tiller of the club, has said that “calm, unity and hard work,” will get the club through it’s difficult spell and that “the board isn’t planning a change of coach at the moment.” A failure to beat the visitors from San Sebastian could change that pretty swiftly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (4th) v Sporting (14th) - 16.00
Despite three defeats in a row, LLL saw for itself on Sunday against Atlético Madrid that Levante still have all their marbles intact. Ten men behind the ball for the first half, a solo striker for counter-attacks and then remarkable incisiveness in the second forty-five minutes. It was certainly a plan that almost worked in the Vicente Calderón with Levante only losing 3-2. LLL reckons it will work again on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (16th) v Racing Santander (20th) - 18.00
The bad news for Racing boss Héctor Cúper was that Monday’s 3-1 home defeat to Málaga saw the club fall to the bottom of the table. There was at least some good news from Marca, who report that the club’s administrators have told the bosses that there is no money to sack Cúper should they wish to do so. Unfortunately, they also said there was no cash to fund any transfers in the winter window without players being sold or sacked.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (8th) v Osasuna (11th) - 18.00
Although Paul from Barcelona is a regular correspondent on all things Espanyol, LLL hasn’t had that much to say about them this year. That’s because the club has been going about its business very quietly, very professionally and without much kerfuffle. And that’s not a good way to get the blog’s attention, although it’s the perfect way to run a football club.
For example, this week’s stories out of El Prat concern the team wanting to score a few more goals and looking to renew the contracts of Álvaro and Javi Márquez. And that’s a tough sell compared to Racing’s owner being investigated by Interpol and a member of the Betis board banging on about confidence being like a hymen as happened last week. So the lesson is, as soon Espanyol does receive more attention from LLL, then that’s probably a very bad thing.
LLL Prediction - A quiet home win

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Granada (18th) - 19.45
Although the incident that saw an assistant referee hit in the face by an umbrella, subseqeuntly causing Sunday’s clash with Mallorca to be suspended, looked like being the result of a malfunctioning, misfiring device and not malice, Granada have still been taken to task over the affair.
Granada have been ordered by the Spanish FA to replay the final 30 minutes of the game behind closed doors on December 7th and have been hit with a €6,000 fine - a punishment that the club will be appealing. “Granada will be using proof that we didn’t have to hand before such as police reports,” explained González Segura, a member of the board.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (17th) v Sevilla (6th) - 21.30
LLL’s "that can’t be good" detector went off on Wednesday. It went off when it heard a footballer saying that the coach is not to blame for a bad run but that the players are. Of course, that actually means the coach is entirely to blame for a bad run and not the players at all.
The alarm went off after comments made by Frederic Kanouté, whose side are currently without a win in five. “We’re happy with the work in training and with tactics. We are lacking application during matches. It’s easy to sack coaches and directors. We are all worried but as a footballer first of all I look at myself and my teammates and we are still not doing things well enough,” admitted the Sevilla striker. Oh dear.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Málaga (5th) v Villarreal (12th) - 21.00
Monday night sees wee Santi Cazorla reacquainting himself with the club he ruined by leaving. That does sound a bit harsh in writing, as it technically wasn’t his fault. As the Villarreal president admitted either the playmaker or Giuseppe Rossi had to go to balance the Madrigal books.
“It won’t just be any other game, it’s something different,” mused Cazorla ahead of next week’s clash. The midfielder also ruminated on Villarreal’s awful start to the season which saw them fumbling about in the relegation zone for a while. “You have to take into account the injuries they’ve had and they didn’t start well. Confidence and pressure can count for a lot, but they’ve got a good squad and are starting to move up the table.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal let Spanish side down as Barcelona win heaven sent thriller

Tim Stannard — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 13:34:00 GMT

Much like this blogger doing his household chores, the Spanish football collective attempted a perfect clean sweep this weekend, but couldn’t quite finish the job.

The Champions League chumps of the la Liga quartet were Villarreal, who lost 3-1 to Bayern Munich. But considering the fact that the visitors had nothing to play for in a Champions League campaign that’s gone all Arizmendi on them, avoiding a heavy hammering and scoring a goal in Germany can perhaps be considered a bit of a Brucey bonus.

“The league and cup are a priority for us now,” admitted Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, in what must be Spanish pop music to the ears of Manchester City fans hoping that the east coast club can do them a favour and nick some points off Napoli on matchday six.

Tuesday’s other match, Real Madrid’s 6-2 win over Dinamo Zagreb, was an utterly pointless waste of time, with the Croatian visitors doing their best to run away from the oncoming Madrid forwards, failing to put in a tackle and helping their hosts to a four goal lead in just 18 minutes. “They were smashed immediately,” said José Mourinho after the game with perhaps not quite as much smug self-satisfaction as you’d imagine.

Nevertheless, the Madrid press were never going to doubt the importance of a match so ridiculous that José Callejón was on a hat-trick and Esteban Granero played 45 minutes. This saw Marca pull out all the insanity stops on Thursday by publishing a front cover demonstrating in graphic detail that the brace-scoring Karim Benzema had transformed from a simple cat to “Puss in Boots”.

Meanwhile, mad Tomás Roncero in AS was ready to declare the 2011/12 Madrid vintage as being “the best squad in history” and this would surely be the year of ‘The Tenth’.

What LLL feared might be a rather drab, overly-tactical affair in the San Siro between AC Milan and Barcelona on Wednesday evening ended up being a game sent down from football heaven in a carriage pulled by Penelope Cruz and her better-looking sister. The scintillating clash swung one way then the other, and even contained a controversial Barça penalty that had some members of the Madrid press hammering away ‘no penalty!’ on Twitter just a fast as their Catalan cousins had done on Saturday after Gonzalo Higuaín’s chest/arm affair in Mestalla.

The 3-2 win leaves Barcelona as the winners of the group and a very happy Josep Maria Casanovas writing in Sport that the Champions League clash had “a great win, a great Xavi, a great Barça, a great game.” There was also a complaint that UEFA that did not allow Pep’s Dream Boys to walk out onto the pitch wearing t-shirts to support second-in-command, Tito Vilanova, who had just had surgery to remove a tumour from this throat. “UEFA showed they have no heart,” growled the Sport columnist, showing that he hasn’t really been keeping a close on European football’s governing body over the past 20 years or so.

The big bust up between Pep Guardiola and Zlatan Ibrahimovic never took place, with the Barça boss suggesting that “the enormous, Swedish, bottling coward didn’t dare to face me and thus avoided a mighty smiting.” However, the Milan striker did get to score a goal but said that his celebration was not a personal swipe at his former manager. “I scored a goal against Barça, not against Pep.”

Although Valencia were stuck away in a Champions League backwater somewhere, the Mestalla men managed to cause one or two rumblings with a 7-0 victory over Genk, which included a hat-trick from Roberto Soldado, who it’s fair to say is in fine form at the moment. That win and Chelsea’s defeat sees Valencia having to travel to Stamford Bridge needing either a win or a score draw in their final group stage fixture, for reasons that LLL really can’t be bothered explaining. And not because we're too thick to work out...

All in all, it’s an A- for Spanish teams this week, with two clubs already group winners, another with a 50/50 chance of passing through to the next stages and one who is being forced to stand in the corner, feeling very sorry for themselves indeed.

Zlatan’s grudge match and Villarreal’s booby prize

Tim Stannard — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 12:30:00 GMT

In the same way that English hacks got their panties in the biggest of bunches over whether John Terry and Wayne Bridge would shake hands after their tabloid love tales were published 18 months back, Catalan media sorts are getting all excited over how Pep Guardiola and Zlatan Ibrahimovic will great each other in San Siro during Barcelona’s clash at AC Milan.

The Swedish striker already had a bit of a 'hate thang' going on with Pep Guardiola after a less than successful spell at the Camp Nou, but this was ramped up with righteous fury with the publication of Zlatan’s book, You’re Wrong and, Oh, You’re an A-Hole, Too, in which the Milan forward launches attacks on a variety of targets that have wronged him in some way or other over his football career.

Number one in that hit-list was Pep Guardiola, ostensibly for not making Zlatan the centre of attention and focal point of the whole team at the Camp Nou. Along with making narky comments in the direction of the Barça coach about him being scared of Mourinho and unable to deal with strong characters, Zlatan also scoffed at his former teammates for being dumb enough to follow the orders of their manager.

“In Italy, the coach says ‘jump’ and we say ‘why?’. In Barcelona everyone jumps,” - moans Zlatan on an apparently frightening autocratic regime that has produced two Champions League trophies in three years.

Sport can’t wait for Wednesday’s encounter and ponder “will Pep shake hands with the 'bad boy'?” - something that sounds rather dirty to LLL’s smutty ears. Josep María Casanovas writes that Zlatan’s taunts from across the Med are extra motivation for Wednesday’s match. “The players have no rancour or obsession, but it bothers them that all this was said behind their backs in a book rather than to their faces,” says the columnist.

"Can you sign this book for me, please...?"

Had the Milan man actually done just this during a surprise visit to Barça’s training facilities - which would have been a tad rude, quite frankly - then LLL imagines that the disappointed, hurt faces of little Leo, Xavi, Andrés and Pedro may not have been that intimidating a prospect for Zlatan. Although, the blog imagines that Víctor Valdés and Ibrahimovic in a scrap would be quite a sight.

But anyway, the blog digresses. As Sergio Busquets tries to point out, Barça are “playing Milan not Ibra” in a Champions League clash described by Joan Batlle in Sport as “semi-transcendental”, which LLL interprets as being a step away from being “like a final” - one of la Liga's favourite clichés.

Before all that takes place, Real Madrid are in action at home to Dinamo Zagreb on Tuesday in a game from which just a point is needed for the forces of Mordor to finish top of their group. So as there was almost nothing to talk about ahead of the game aside from whether Nuri Sahin would start, José Mourinho was probed about his exuberant celebrations during Saturday’s 3-2 win over Valencia.

“Valencia should be proud of our celebrations. You don’t celebrate like that in a normal match against a normal rival,” claimed the Madrid manager with logic that LLL can sort of see, which is a worrying situation.

Poor old battered, bruised Villarreal are also in action on Tuesday against Bayern Munich in a clash that could see the Yellow Submarine returning to Spain with a few dents in the hull. “We are realistic and we know that it will be difficult to win,” noted Juan Carlos Garrido who then went for the ‘hey, we’re just happy to be playing Bayern’ approach.

“Being here is a prize so we should enjoy it, being here at this ground and against this rival is a prize for everyone.” The question now is whether this prize will be a booby one.

Good Day, Bad Day: Resistant Real, sturdy Soldado & awful Atlético (again)

Tim Stannard — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 14:06:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
It was no wonder José Mourinho leapt upon a startled José Callejón and demanded a piggy-back during the 3-2 win over Valencia. It was a huge sign of relief during a tense match from which the three points collected will go a long, long way in the title race.
Although the three point advantage over Barcelona still stands, Real Madrid had by far the easier start to the season in la Liga. But in the side’s first proper tough-as-old-boots match, Madrid came out on top with a 3-2 win in an encounter that Barcelona were only able to draw 2-2. “A victory you remember at the end of the season,” confirmed Iker Casillas.
Of course, there are very strong claims that the 3-2 should have been 3-3, had a late spot-kick been awarded to Valencia and then converted.
“It was a penalty!” yelled Barcelona based Mundo Deportivo’s headline on Monday. Call LLL old-fashioned (and closet Madridista, as some will no doubt claim) but the referee made the right decision in not awarding an injury-time spot-kick after Gonzalo Higuaín’s controversial block. If you are not sure that an infringement took place, then don’t act on it.
But Madrid fans will continue to claim that the chest was used in the act and Barcelona will say the arm despite there being no conclusive proof either way. Of course, if David Villa was the player involved, the positions would be reversed. T’was ever so and...er....T’wis ever will be.

Leo Messi
Like a battery-advertising bunny, Leo Messi shrugged off reports - from himself, to be fair - that he was tired after the international break with a 90-minute display in the 4-0 win over Zaragoza and his 15th league goal of the season. Barcelona have now scored 30 goals in their seven league matches in the Camp Nou this season without a single effort being conceded.

Roberto Soldado
Honk! Honk! U-turn ahoy from La Liga Loca! The blog has always felt that the striker didn’t quite have the cojones and finishing prowess for full international football. It is reversing position now after two excellently taken goals in a huge game for Valencia and a gutsy, defiant performance both pre and during Saturday’s Mestalla match.

Athletic Bilbao
Sadly LLL wasn’t able to catch the Athletic win over Sevilla on Sunday due to its la Liga duties at the Vicente Calderón - and boy did it regret that about ten minutes in - but apparently it missed a corker of a performance from a team that have now gone 11 games unbeaten in Spain and Europe. Marcelo Bielsa’s master plan of adding flair to Athletic’s physicality appears to be working a treat with the Basque side now pushing their way to the European places after a ropey start to the season.

José Antonio Reyes
Awful, awful, awful, awful, awful. Awful. Apart from Arda and Diego from time to time. That was LLL’s verdict of Atlético’s goalless first half in Sunday’s clash against Levante. The fact the blog had eaten its half-time sandwich before the match certainly didn’t help. But LLL was not alone, with the club's bored-out-of-their-minds supporters - and there weren’t that many in the Vicente Calderón - whistling the players of the pitch after a dour first forty-five minutes.
Thankfully, in the second half Reyes returned from his exile that stemmed from being rude to Gregorio Manzano after a substitution to inspire Atlético’s first goal in the 3-2 victory. However, there was not much Reyes could do to help the defence in a game that Atlético nearly threw away twice.
“It was a situation were I didn’t have to be forgiven,” retorted the typically defiant Reyes after the match when asked if the winger was back in his manager’s good books.

Rayo Vallecano
Not many teams take points home from a visit to Osasuna, but a feisty, combative Rayo managed it with a goalless draw on Sunday. The Vallecans are now picking up points nicely having lost just the one game in the last five. And that might be handy with Valencia, Atlético Madrid and Barcelona coming up in the side’s next four matches.

Villarreal
There’s a certain element of The Bride clawing her way out of a grave in Kill Bill quality about Villarreal a club who are dragging themselves with broken, bloodied fingernails away from the relegation zone. Villarreal have now gone three matches unbeaten in the league without a goal being conceded thanks again to another fine display and strike from Borja Valero in the 1-0 win over Betis.
“We are adapting to our situation,” admitted coach, Juan Carlos Garrido, “we are playing more defensively and on the counter-attack.”

Sporting
The Asturian side is now reaping the rewards of sticking by Manuel Preciado through the annual tough spot that Sporting now seem to endure. Sporting have gone unbeaten in five having won three of those games - the latest of those matches being a late, late victory against a ten-man Getafe.

Bad Day

Sevilla
A good start to the season is fizzling away, with Sevilla now without a victory six matches. Sunday’s setback came against Athletic Bilbao, despite Sevilla being able to play with both Alvaro Negredo and Freddie Kanouté from the start. “There were a lot of individual duals and we lost the majority of them,” moaned Marcelino after the 2-1 defeat.

Real Betis
Wretched stuff from Real Betis who have now picked up just one point in the last 24 and not scored since sometime in 1983. Well, in 472 minutes anyway which is the side’s worst run in la Primera.

Granada
A bad day for the club, its fans, its president and manager. In fact, it’s a Atlético Madrid-style clean sweep from LLL. Bad for the club and fans as Granada were 2-1 up in a clash against Mallorca before the referee Clos Gómez suspended the game after his assistant was hit in the face by an umbrella thrown from the stands.
Bad for the Granada president, Quique Pina, who said his club and organisation were not be blamed for the incident and besides the alleged chucker was not a member and was also Moroccan. And it was bad for the Granada coach, Fabri, who sort of missed the point of the seriousness of the event by arguing that the game could have continued seeing as the fourth official was a suitable substitute for his bleeding colleague.
One of the referee’s roles is to look after the safety of both the players and his officiating team and in suspending the game, Gómez did the right thing no matter how loud the complaints will be this week.

Philippe Montanier
A home game against an Espanyol side which is not the most prolific was a fine chance for a win for la Real and the side’s very unhappy fans. Instead it was boo city in San Sebastian after a goalless draw on Sunday. Real Sociedad’s manager is hanging onto his job with his French finger nails.

La Preview: Postiga's goal glut, Guti's potential homecoming & Bosch's hymen

Tim Stannard — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 09:33:00 GMT

Saturday

Villarreal (13th) v Betis (12th) - 18.00 (local time)
In a moment that was pure Alan Partridge, José Antonio Bosch tried to answer the simple question of whether the Betis board were supporting coach Pepe Mel during the club’s unfortunate run of form. Unfortunately, a fairly simple task was made more complex when the Betis director declared that “confidence was like a hymen, you either have it or you don’t.”
Digging deeper into a hole of peculiarity, Bosch argued that “you can’t have a little bit of confidence ‘yes’ or a little bit of confidence ‘no’, in the same way you can’t be a little bit of a virgin. While the confidence is there, it’s there and the club maintains confidence in the coach.”
The blog suggests that the more simple response ‘yes’ should be used next time.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Zaragoza (16th) - 20.00
A tired Messi on the bench or a tired Messi on the pitch should make no difference at all to Saturday’s clash at the Camp Nou, despite fighting talk from Zaragoza, a club having picked up just the single point from four games. “The dressing room can’t wait until the match comes,” claims midfielder Pablo Barrera.
Then again, perhaps Zaragoza do have a chance with 'former Spurs flop Helder Postiga' now becoming 'free-scoring Hélder Postiga', after knocking in four for Zaragoza this season and banging in a couple in Portugal’s 6-2 win over Bosnia in midweek.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Madrid (1st) - 22.00
One of the questions often asked by Real Madrid fans looking for the club to save their pennies a bit and reinforce their squad with Spanish chorizo is why the talented bunch of players sold by Valencia in the last year or so weren't signed by the Santiago Bernabeu side. Or, in Juan Mata’s case, why the forward was allowed to leave Real Madrid in the first place.
While a deal could never be put together for David Villa back in the day, David Silva looked a good ‘un, according to Valencia president Manuel Llorente. “Everything stopped after the change of coach,” said Llorente, referring to the arrival of José Mourinho, “for a long time I felt that we were going to reach a deal. In Valencia we have the sensation that Madrid pay more for a player from a foreign club than one from here.”
The Valencia boss also spoke about the ongoing exile of Roberto Soldado from the Spanish team, despite the fact that a certain Chelsea striker is not much cop these days. “Between Soldado and Torres for the national side, I’d go with Soldado. But Torres has more influence in the capital.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Real Sociedad (20th) v Espanyol (7th) - 12.00
Joan Capdevila, the forgotten man of forgotten men of Spanish football - which might technically make him remembered in a double negative kind of way - has had a rotten time of it since joining Benfica over the summer. And the former international left-back is looking for a way out in the winter window, according to his agent Horacio Gazzo.
“He’d love to go to Espanyol. It would be a great way of ending his sporting career,” claimed Gazzo, on a possible switch back to la Liga in what would represent something of a footballing graveyard shift. It certainly has been for Carlos Kameni, anyway.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (10th) v Rayo Vallecano (10th) - 16.00
A quick Twitter headcount to gauge who wants Guti now that the midfielder’s contract had been cancelled at Besiktas showed an even split between those in love with the idea of having the former Real Madrid man at their club and those opposed to the concept. That split largely depended on whether the teams in question were any good or not.
It seems that Rayo supporters - very much part of the ‘or not’ - crowd form part of the half that wants Guti to make a move to Vallekas with #Gutirayo becoming a trending topic in Madrid. Oh, if only the universe were that much fun.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (17th) v Getafe (14th) - 16.00
In fact, the universe is such a miserable place that not even Getafe are coming forward to offer Guti a new home in the winter. “There’s no chance that Guti will come here,” announced a firm Coliseum president, Angel Torres.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (5th) v Athletic Bilbao (9th) - 18.00
The loss of Carlos Gurpegui potentially until the end of the season with a ligament injury has hit Athletic Bilbao hard on every single level claims the club’s coach Carlos Bielsa who is looking to keep the midfielder around and about the squad as much as possible during the footballer’s recuperation.
“On a football level, it’s his versatility and effectiveness,” said ‘El Loco’ naming Gurpegui’s various attributes. “On a personal level, he’s a teammate without rival and in spirit he’s always an inspiration for us,” claimed Bielsa before going on to giggle about good the midfielder makes him feel about himself.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (11th) v Levante (4th) - 20.00
Belly-button watching has been the pastime of the week in the Rojiblanco camp, with navel-gazing the theme of the fortnight after Atlético’s disastrous 3-2 defeat to Getafe. In this period manager Gregorio Manzano has managed to hang on to his job, helped a tiny bit by a friendly win in Egypt against Zamalak. “If I waste time thinking about my future, I’ll do my job badly,” claimed the Atlético boss who is doing his job badly even without thinking about his future.
A fading Levante should be an easy opportunity for a quick bounce back from the catastrophe in the Coliseum a fortnight ago, but nothing is ever a given at the Vicente Calderón especially after some fine fighting talk from feisty opposition midfielder, Juanlu. “We don’t know what version we are going to face, but it’s always better to fish in choppy waters,” warned the Levante man.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (19th) v Mallorca (15th) - 22.00
Home team fans who, just a couple of seasons ago, were in the third tier of Spanish football and supporting a pretty much bankrupt club appear to be surprised to find themselves in the relegation zone after 11 games, when perhaps the Champions League places were what was expected. This disgruntlement was the root cause of jeering towards Granada striker Ikechukwu Uche in the side’s last clash, something that caused Granada boss Fabri to come out on the attack against the fans in support of his player.
But this outburst and Granada’s situation which sees just four goals scored all season has not changed Fabri’s position at the club says the side’s sporting director, Juan Carlos Cordero. “The confidence in Fabri is the same as it was on day one. We’ve never thought about any change in the technical team. Doubts or uncertainty don’t help anyone.”
Meanwhile, Mallorca have tried to cheer up goal-starved fans by unveiling their new striker, Marvin Ogunjimi. The problem is that due to a bureaucratic mix-up on deadline day, the Belgian cannot play until January. He’ll still be the goal-shy club’s top scorer by the end of the month, mind.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Racing Santander (18th) v Málaga (6th) - 21.00
In last week’s episode of La Liga Loca, the blog left you with the nail-biting news that Racing weren’t very good at all, had a collection of irked, unpaid players, a president who had just a quit and an owner, in the form of Ali Syed, who had been very absent indeed and was being investigated by Interpol. Those last two facts may well be connected.
Well, not too much has changed expect to say that Marca reports are rumblings from Mexico that there is a group interested in taking a controlling stake in the club. LLL can only hope that those in charge of the Cantabrian club use Google this time to look into their potential suitors, as that was all that was required to discover that their current owner was dodgier than an Atlético Madrid defender.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Spanish FA go 'kerching, kerching, kerching, bank' as La Roja held by Costa Rica

Tim Stannard — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:22:00 GMT

It was a result that left Costa Rica supporters reasonably content, England fans a little less confident than a few days ago, and the Spain posse feeling more than a little peeved.

Fans of the World and European champions were forced to put up with another lacklustre performance from their finest players, as well as constant interruptions in the TV feed, before Vicente del Bosque’s side made a late dash for a 2-2 draw after going two goals behind in Tuesday’s friendly clash.

The match followed the pattern of Saturday’s match against England for Spain. A pee-poor, lazy-bummed first-half performance and an attempted revival in the second to rectify a few wrongs. But while Spain were unable to undo the damage against England at Wembley, late goals from David Silva and David Villa made the jaunt to Costa Rica merely a minor disaster rather than an all-out catastrophe.

On a financial level, the friendly match - which had no benefit whatsoever to Spain’s Euro 2012 preparations - added a reported €2 million to the FA’s coffers, with the president Angel Villar looking more than a little pleased with himself before kick-off. “[The friendlies] are of no use to anyone except Uncle Angel who does ‘kerching, kerching, kerching, bank,” fumed José Vicente Hernáez in Marca.

The match continued the poorly-held secret that the Spanish players are sick to the back teeth of their post-World Cup world tour that has seen matches in Mexico, Argentina, Portugal, Italy, the USA, England and Costa Rica.

Tuesday’s friendly in San José was probably the lowest point of their Harlem Globetrotters style tour - a game against a team ranked 62nd in the world, played in awful weather on a divot-strewn pitch just perfect for breaking an unsuspecting ankle or two. The uncharacteristically dangerous Xabi Alonso back pass and lame attempt to dribble the ball out of his box from Iker Casillas that both lead to the first Costa Rica goal were proof positive of how little Spain cared about this particular encounter.

“These cursed friendlies,” begins Wednesday’s column from Mad Tomás Roncero in AS. “I hope that Villar doesn’t have another chance to arrange a friendly at the other end of the mapa mundi for purely tax-collecting reasons. A couple of million does not justify endangering the prestige that was earned quite rightly in Vienna and Johannesburg.”

But despite the acknowledgment that friendlies simply aren’t any motivation for the Spanish players these days, there is still some criticism of the footballers, with Marca’s front page warning the Spanish manager “Vicente, we have problem.”

“The draw against Costa Rica should serve as a warning sign,” writes the paper’s editorial. “World Champions cannot offer the image that Spain did in the first half against a weak Central-American side.” However, there were kinder words at the end of Marca’s musings. “The team’s credit is in tact as is the confidence and support of the fans. Spain are still a good bet for the Euro 2012, but Tuesday cannot be repeated.”

However, this kind of criticism has been leveled at the Spanish side ever since winning the European Championships in 2008. The reply of the team was to win the World Cup two years later and qualify quite comfortably for next summer’s competition.

These friendlies for Spain have been arranged for the country’s FA to have a fine jolly, pick up big pay-cheques and make political friends in FIFA - nothing more, nothing less. So any criticism of the side would appear to be unjustified grumbling, rather than anything positive.

As Juan Mata said after the latest defeat, “this team won the European Championships, then the World Cup. It deserves some credit.”

Mourinho comes over all Mr Nice Guy, while Pep faces his annual angst

Tim Stannard — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:14:00 GMT

That a football coach is managing to refrain from physically assaulting members of the opposition technical team, insulting rival coaches or being rude about their own players, bosses and various institutional organisations is something that should be roundly applauded.

That’s the straw AS are grasping at, as the paper joins the rest of the Spanish football media in crawling on their hands and knees towards the end of another barren international fortnight.

Either through desperation or a sense of duty, Tuesday’s edition of AS leads with the story that José Mourinho has managed to behave himself for eight whole days - the last ‘incident’ being his praising of Real Madrid’s ultras and insulting of the rest of the club's fans over their lack of support for the team - thus signaling a change in attitude.

Indeed, ever since nearly poking out Tito Vilanueva’s eye during the Spanish Super Cup clashes, AS has been impressed by Mourinho’s restraint which has seen the Portuguese trainer mostly polite about opposition teams and their coaches. “Mourinho has changed” declares the paper’s front page. “He’s burying the bad guy and now only the great manager that he is can be seen,” declares Alfredo Relaño, tempting a huge amount of fate considering matches against Valencia, Atlético Madrid and Barcelona are all around the corner, all with plenty of opportunity for Mourinho mischief.

Jose cracks his biggest smile for the cameras...

Managers have also been the obsession in Cataluyna of late, with the annual speculation on whether Pep Guardiola will be renewing his contract with the Dream Boys. The Barça boss quite sensibly seems to prefer to go through the process on a year-by-year basis, with the decision dependent on his sanity and hairline at the time.

Mundo Deportivo claim Pep is to make up his mind in January, although Sandro Rosell has revealed that the issue could be resolved straight away. “Pep knows the contract he wants is on the table to be signed when he wants.” LLL hopes that it isn’t chucked away by the cleaners for recycling in the meantime.

That news certainly doesn’t stop Lluís Mascaró of Sport from losing sleep at night as the writer tosses and turns on the thorny issue. “The problem is not so much the uncertainty that this attitude generates but the chaos it will cause on the day he says he’s off. There’s no alternative to Pep. No-one is prepared for a future without Guardiola.”

Neymar’s decision to stay at Santos until 2014 is still causing some ripples in the water, with Mundo Deportivo claiming Rosell has already sealed a deal for the young Brazilian to join Barcelona after the next World Cup. That theory certainly seems more plausible, with Santos president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira blasting Florentino Pérez for having “an arrogant attitude, that of a colonizer’s mentality.”

Even Marca have been forced to acknowledge the fact a Pérez target has been missed, with a story claiming that there’s nothing to worry about, with plenty of other young footballing fish in the sea being monitored by beady-eyed Madrid scouts. The names of Iker Muniain, Rafinha, Hazard, Wilshere and Götze are mentioned - all fine players in their own right, but not a certain crest-sporting Brazilian that has escaped Florentino’s clutches, possibly forever.

Capello's 'very English' side fail to impress sulking Spanish press

Tim Stannard — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 11:12:00 GMT

Being World and European Champions, which as most LLL readers will probably be aware is the position Spain currently find themselves in, has allowed everyone in the country - especially certain groups of players - to be more than a little ambivalent when it comes to playing lowly friendlies, even if the games result in a defeat.

After all, Vicente del Bosque’s side have lost out to Argentina, Italy and Portugal since winning the World Cup, so it was no great shock that the team were beaten by rubbish old England at Wembley on Saturday evening - all be it, a little unfortunately.

But what seems to have upset the Spanish press most of all in regard’s to their latest slip-up is that the national team lost out to a Fabio Capello outfit that has largely been rated and then slated as quite hopeless. On Sunday, Marca - whose front page concerned the greatness of Real Madrid, of course - were hugely disparaging of both the quality of Spain’s performance and of their side’s rivals.

“This was sterile, leaden possession,” sniffed Marca on Spain’s usual dominance in terms of possession. “The defeat says more about a certain carelessness of Spain than the qualities of their adversary.”

“The Spanish side left Wembley with the bittersweet sensation of a team who were superior to their opponents in all facets of the game except the scoreline,” noted the editorial. In fact Marca had very little nice to say about England at all, describing the crowd as “silent half the game” and the winning goal as “very English and very Lampard-esque.”

AS were turning their collective nose up at England too, with editor Alfredo Relaño huffing that “England parked the bus in front of goal, grabbed a goal at the start of the second half with the only ball dropped into our area and came away with a victory.”

Monday’s El País writes that even playing England in what is known in Spain as 'the home of football' wasn’t motivation enough for Del Bosque’s side. “The team took on routines which gave off signs of boredom: little movement off the ball during possession, less runs and an unusual lack of shots on target.”

This ennui is unlikely to be lifted during Tuesday’s friendly, which sees the side crossing the Atlantic for a money-spinning match against Costa Rica that will reportedly earn the Spanish FA €2 million but will be of almost no tactical use to Del Bosque. But these exhibition games - that interest neither the Spanish players, nor supporters - are the cost that comes with being both the world’s best side and a plump-uddered cash cow for its bosses.

Madrid and Barca press both claim victory as Neymar commits to Santos

Tim Stannard — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 12:35:00 GMT

A Mohican-sporting young punk renewing a contract with his club in Brazil shouldn’t really be moving any mountains in Spain, but that’s what’s happening on Wednesday, with 'Real Madrid starlet' Neymar hitting the headlines and causing a right old stir in the Spanish capital.

Technically speaking, it’s Santos starlet Neymar who is talk of the town, though if all the Madrid media's headlines of the previous four months were to be believed, it was merely a matter of time before Florentino Pérez would be unveiling his ‘anti-Messi’ - whether José Mourinho wanted the striker or not.

Images of Neymar surrounded by four portly gentleman (who are no doubt all set to make a lot of money out of the forward) were headline stuff for Spain’s TV channels on Tuesday evening, with the Brazilian having renewed his club contract with Santos until 2014, most likely scuppering any plans Real Madrid - or indeed, Barcelona may have had to bag the forward for a wee while.

Marca’s unique interpretation of the renewal is that Neymar is infact doing a favour to Santos president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira, who faces an election on 2 December, with the paper latching onto an admission from Neymar during the press conference that “nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.”

Neymar's game of peek-a-boo with Real Madrid is over...for now

The paper’s rivals, AS, have all but given up on Neymar coming to Madrid, but claim that the setback is for economic reasons, with the Brazilian league now having just as much economic pulling power as Europe. “The problem is that it is no longer so easy to get players from Brazil as it has been up to now,” claims AS editor Alfredo Relaño.

Meadwhile, Mad Tomás Roncero believes Madrid have dodged a bullet, writing that, although Neymar and the footballer’s many sponsors were a target for the club president, the love for the signing was not widespread around Mordor. “Neymar was not a desired signing for Madridismo,” says the AS man. “Paying €60 million for an adolescent who could just as easily end up a fiasco as a star seems madness.”

The dailies over in the Catalan capital have spun Neymar’s contract renewal as both a huge defeat for Pérez and a great victory for Sandro Rosell. But this kind of reporting should come as no surprise. As recently as earlier this week, Sport reported the latest quotes from Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s upcoming book, but somehow managed to omit the Swedish maverick's claims that “Guardiola in not capable of managing strong personalities.” A simple editorial error, LLL is sure.

“Neymar waits for Barça” reveals the same newspaper, boasting that “Rosell manages his objective of blocking the move to Madrid and winning time to negotiate,” through using the Barça president’s contacts and influence in Brazil’s football world.

Joan Batlle chuckles that “Florentino won’t be able to present Neymar in January and if this year there’s no title either, he will be without umbrellas...and be careful as the storm would be huge.”

If that’s the case, then LLL suggests that Rihanna might be a more useful winter window signing than the wet-behind-the-ears Brazilian...

NEWS Neymar to stay at Santos until 2014

Atletico stand by their Manzano... for the moment

Tim Stannard — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 11:24:00 GMT

On Monday, LLL was boldly predicting to anyone and anything that would listen – on this particular occasion, a Labrador and a pigeon – that by the end of the week Atlético Madrid would be on the hunt for yet another manager.

Although the blog may yet be correct in its assertion, this sacking scenario looks a little less likely after the club’s sporting director José Luis Caminero promised that Gregorio Manzano was safe for the next fortnight or so and that “our project cannot last four months.” To which the pantomime-audience part of the blog's brain might reply “oh yes it can: this is Atleti”.

Still, it’s Caminero who is vaguely in charge of such matters and not LLL, no matter how many applications it sends to the club. But Caminero was certainly aware that Atlético’s dismal performance against Getafe in a 3-2 draw that leaves the Rojiblancos in 11th, 10 points off the Champions League places wasn’t up to scratch.

“We are analysing the reasons why a team is capable of beating a team second in Serie A and aren’t then capable of defeating a rival that played with 10 men for an hour,” claimed Caminero.

From what LLL has seen of Atlético this season – which is a bit too much for anyone’s health – the problem seems to be that the Vicente Calderón club too often seem to lower their game to their opponent’s levels but all too rarely raise it to meet or surpass their rivals. The blog also sides with the opinion of AS writer F Javier Díaz that the side has “no intensity and no born leaders.”

“Atlético play very well with the score in their favour at the Vicente Calderón, but any knock away from home becomes a direct blow to the chin,” writes former Atlético player Kiko Narvaez in the same paper. Indeed Atlético still haven't won away this season.

Gaffers in peril: (l to r) Manzano, Montanier & Cuper

Another club in trouble are Real Sociedad, who find themselves at the bottom of the table after managing one point from 21. Considering this is the club that sacked former boss Martin Lasarte after taking la Real up to the Primera and keeping them there, this can’t be good news for the side’s French coach, Philippe Montanier.

Nevertheless, the manager has got the thumbs-up from club president Jokin Aperribay, although it was more of a half-hearted effort rather than the full-on Paul McCartney cheery gesture. “We're not planning on sacking the coach: I see him in a strong position, at least in the short term,” said la Real’s main man, with a lovely warning at the end.

The only other side who might be thinking of dumping their manager into the Bay of Biscay is Racing Santander, the team lead by Héctor Cúper, who currently find themselves third from bottom after just one win.

What could well save the Argentinian boss is that this record is entirely predictable for a team without any cash, disgruntled unpaid players, an AWOL owner under investigation by Interpol (the police organisation, not the band), and a club president who has just quit under pressure from fans unhappy about him organising the sale of a club to a gentleman who is AWOL and under investigation by Interpol.

A crumb of comfort perhaps for Atlético fans who may now feel their Crisis is only worth a small ‘c’.

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo is rampant, but Jose blasts earlybird fans

Tim Stannard — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:34:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid
José Mourinho joked - as much as The Special One is capable of doing the whole humour thing - that he didn’t know what meal the players would be eating ahead of Sunday’s 'experimental' midday kick-off. La Liga Loca suggests that it was the first meal of the day as Real Madrid....long drumroll....had Osasuna for breakfast in a 7-1 win. Boom and tish.
Still, you have to feel for Osasuna, who were without nine key players for the trip to Madrid and were down to ten men early in the second half. Even Mourinho claimed the scoreline was a bit harsh on a well-organised Osasuna side, who made life difficult for Madrid on the odd occasion they managed to get the ball.
Much is being made of the three points lead over Barcelona that Madrid now have due to Pep’s Dream Boys draw against Athletic Bilbao (more on that later), but LLL fancies that Mourinho would have taken a point in the Basque Country too. It’s a handy advantage but there’s a long, long way to go.

Angel di María
The Dobby The House Elf of the Santiago Bernabeu had a tremendous first half in the 7-1 win for Real Madrid to follow a wonderful campaign. The Argentinean winger was the assist-maker for all three of Madrid’s first half goals, taking his total for the campaign. to ten assists. The second half didn’t go so well for di María, though, with the wily winger stretchered off with a hamstring injury.

Valencia
LLL can just imagine the Percy Picky Pants sub-section of Valencia's fanbase being very unhappy on Sunday. After all, Valencia were sitting third in the table, had won three league games in a row and had just put one over those irksome attention seekers, Levante, in a city derby, winning 2-0. Oh, and it’s the side’s best start to a league season since 1965. All that meant zip-all to moan about.
The game itself in Levante’s bustling ground wasn’t a great one, but it was certainly lit up by Unai Emery’s spectacular outfit. Slacks, blazer, V-neck sweater with piping and trim, shirt and tie. It was half Alan Partridge and half Doctor Who.

Michu
A brilliant match for Rayo and a brilliant performance from the club’s all conquering, man-mountain forward Michu, who scored two in a 4-0 win over Real Sociedad that sees the Vallecas club move up to eighth.

Athletic Bilbao
It seemed as if Athletic were calling on the ghosts of Joaquín Caparrós’ side in the 2-2 draw in a fantastically disciplined, rugged performance against Barcelona. “I’ve never played against such an intense, aggressive team,” admitted Pep Guardiola admiringly after the game.

Betis
It was just the single point at home for Betis in a goalless draw with Málaga, but at least it stopped a run of six straight defeats. Time for some wounds to be licked in the Betis camp over the international break.

Getafe
The Coliseum club picked up just their second win of the season largely due to the incompetence of their Rojiblanco visitors rather through their own actions. “If a team are having problems, there’s nothing better than playing Atlético Madrid,” noted Marca.
“What has happened to them!?” was the despairing cry of one of LLL’s colleague’s during a dismal first half, someone who had not seen the home team playing for a while. But fair play to Getafe, who managed to beat Atlético 3-2 after being a goal and a man down after a first half penalty. “All of you thought the same thing. Very difficult,” admitted Getafe boss, Luis García, on that moment after a victory that lifts the side out off the bottom-of-the-table and into fourteenth.

Bad Day

Real Madrid Supporters
Not only did the vast majority of the well-heeled Real Madrid fans have to find a parking spot for their four-by-fours at an ungodly time on a Sunday morning, but they also joined the long line of targets for José Mourinho’s wrath. Standing side-by-side with Karim Benzema, referees, FIFA, UEFA, Manuel Preciado, Levante and many, many others, the home support on Sunday - which LLL didn’t think was that bad - were given a tongue lashing from Mourinho, who noted that he wanted to “thank the few fans behind the goal. Without them you’d think the stadium was completely empty.”

Barcelona
Monday’s Marca may have declared Real Madrid to be super leaders with their three point cushion over Barcelona, but there’s a ridiculously long way to go in la Liga, with Real Madrid still to face Atlético (ok, maybe not so hard), Athletic Bilbao, Valencia and Sevilla - all tests Barcelona have already had to face.
Leo Messi’s late equaliser may even give Barcelona the feeling of a point earned in a match that will perhaps be their toughest non-Real Madrid test of the season, taking into account the conditions and the fantastic performance of Athletic Bilbao.

Víctor Valdés
The Barça keeper was just 28 minutes away from breaking Abel Resino’s 924 minute clean sheet record in la Liga. After Sunday's draw in Bilbao, he now has just 914 to go...

Levante
There were guts, bluster and a fair few scything challenges from Levante, but not enough porridge in the tank to beat a solid Valencia side. “We were dead on our feet and our fans understood this,” admitted manager Juan Ignacio Martínez. The international break comes at a fine time for Levante who have about 22 aging legs that are needing a bit of a rest.

Sevilla
LLL only caught the second half of the southern side’s clash at Mallorca due to supermarket duties. Apparently, the supermarket was a preferable place to be rather than being plonked on a warm and comfy sofa for the first 45 minutes of the goalless draw with Mallorca. Marcelino’s side are really struggling with both Alvaro Negredo and Freddie Kanouté out of action, leaving Manu del Moral to lead the line which is not really the former Getafe man’s forte. Sevilla now without a win in four.

Málaga
At least Málaga’s goalless draw against Betis wasn’t a turgid as the Mallorca v Sevilla affair that preceded it. But Málaga really don’t look much cop at all these days, with only Joaquín turning it on a bit on Saturday night. Málaga have only scored in one of the side’s last five games and are badly missing Julio Baptista.

Espanyol
It’s a been a while since LLL bumped uglies with Paul from Barcelona. But here’s a short and sweet update on Espanyol’s goalless draw against Villarreal.

“Nothing to see here. Please move on. Scandalous referee again. Espanyol way better. Three clear penalties and Forlin’s second card was unfair as he won the ball.”
Paul, Barcelona

Osasuna
At least the 7-1 defeat was a marginal improvement on the 8-0 thrashing by Barcelona from wasn’t the eight against Barcelona from September.

Gregorio Manzano
Sometimes you can only admire Atlético and the problems the Rojiblancos manage to concoct for themselves. The referee had given Gregorio Manzano’s men a helping hand by awarding them a penalty and sending off a Getafe player. But Atlético still managed to throw away a 1-0 lead to eventually lose 3-2. That took expert skill.
Atlético’s play was disjoined, lacked precision and was blighted by the inability to string two passes together. “The match was a total disaster,” admitted Manzano, “I have no words to explain the change between the team that played well a few days ago against Udinese and that in the Coliseum. It’s something I will have to analyse, but I don’t see any explication for this lack of intensity,” mused a coach, who may well be worried he won't be around long enough to examine Sunday’s calamity in the Coliseum.

Mallorca
The Balearic side have now gone six games with just the single strike from open play. Truly channeling the spirit of Deportivo this season.

Zaragoza/Sporting
Both end up in the Bad Day section after an entertaining 2-2 draw. Zaragoza failed to beat what may end up being relegation rivals in the form of Sporting. For the visitors, it’s blowing a 2-1 lead in the final seconds of injury time, although Sporting did have to come from 1-0 behind in the match.

Granada
From the ups of last Monday’s win at Sevilla, to the desperate downs of a goalless draw at home against Racing Santander. “We don’t have the sufficient maturity to know we are in la Primera,” fumed coach Fabri who also attacked the crowd for booing striker Ikechukwu Uche. “The atmosphere generated against Uche was a disgrace.”

Real Sociedad
Poor la Real were completely lost against Rayo Vallecano in the 4-0 defeat. Heads were down and chins had been lowered at half mast. But the fight is still there claims manager, Philippe Montanier, when probed what could be down to change things around over the international break for a side that now finds itself at the bottom of the table. Physical recovery, analysing the problems and working together was the medicine for the Frenchman. “Players still gave everything until the end,” claimed Montanier who has since been backed by his club president.

La Preview: Madrid set for an early start as Reyes pays for Manzano moan

Tim Stannard — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 12:46:00 GMT

Saturday

Mallorca (14th) v Sevilla (5th) - 18.00 local time
Saturday sees former Betis boss and fan Lorenzo Serra Ferrer and a frantic former Sevilla manager Joaquín Caparrós teaming up to try and lead Mallorca to victory over the Andalusian visitors to the Balearics. “Football makes stranger bedfellows than politics,” joked Mallorca manager Caparrós. “In football, everything is possible, in politics it’s more difficult. We have seen managers and players who were with Sevilla being with Betis and vice versa.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (12th) v Málaga (6th) - 20.00
For a club that would have given its right leg to be in la Primera during two long years in la Segunda, the current crisis of six straight defeats is one Betis would have settled for this time last season.
It is this perspective that is perhaps behind what has been a measured response from the team’s current president, Miguel Guillén, who has called for everyone to take a chill pill considering the club is still in mid-table after what had been a bright start to the year. “The manager and squad all have our backing. Because today may be white it can’t be black three days later,” mused Guillén.
Manager Pepe Mel has been just confident ahead of this Andalusian derby on Saturday. “If I see I’m not capable of taking us forward, of course I would go, but it isn’t the case. In fact, it’s the opposite. I feel a tremendous faith in the work we are doing and the steadiness we have.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Levante (3rd) v Valencia (4th) - 22.00
And so it’s the test of tests to see if Levante can pick themselves up after a defeat to Osasuna in Pamplona - many clubs have been there - with a rousing Saturday night, big TV clash against Valencia in a city derby.
Man-of-the-hour, month and year, Sergio Ballesteros, certainly doesn’t seem to be so confident ahead of the visit of the men from Mestalla. “We can’t host rivals being called favourites, not least sides who are playing in the Champions League. It’s ridiculous,” claimed the Levante defender.
Over in the opposition corner and Valencia striker Jonas will have to console himself with the knowledge that he isn’t the fastest goalscorer in Champions League history with his strike in 10.92 seconds against Bayer Leverkusen. That honour still goes to Roy Makaay’s ever amusing goal for Bayern Munich against Real Madrid which clocked in at 10.12 seconds.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Real Madrid (1st) v Osasuna (8th) - 12.00
This midday kick-off aimed to catch early birds in the UK and late night nappers in the Far East, sees LLL starting off a day during which the blog will be attending a marathon of matches in Madrid. Once the 3-1 win for Real Madrid is over and the blog nosily finds out what Alvaro Arbeloa will be doing with the rest of his day, it’s off to watch Rayo take on Real Sociedad at six and then Getafe against Atlético Madrid at ten. And that’s where LLL will probably get stuck. But follow the fun throughout the day on the LLL Twitter feed. Or not, if you have something better to do.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (19th) v Racing Santander (18th) - 16.00
Seeing as Racing are no good these days and the players are probably still owed money from umpteen years ago, there is a least one smiley, young scamp in a dressing room that contains more long faces than a Ruud Van Nistelrooy look-a-like convention.
That talented urchin is 18-year-old Jairo, who has been most impressive in his cameos this season. Indeed, if the youngster makes another 45 minute appearance on Sunday then Jairo will trigger a clause that gives him a nice, professional contract. Not that this guarantees getting any money, as his new team-mates will no doubt tell him.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (15th) v Sporting (17th) - 18.00
This week, Helder Postiga confirmed what LLL has long suspected - you don’t mess with Zaragoza’s Mexican manager, Javier Aguirre. “He’s a very direct coach in the way he speaks to players. He’s the most direct manager I’ve had in my career,” revealed the club’s Portuguese striker.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Rayo Vallecano (11th) v Real Sociedad (16th) - 18.00
José Ramón Sandoval is set to miss this clash against Real Sociedad and the next for what sounds like a wonderfully vitriolic attack on the entire officiating team at last weekend’s Villarreal game. Sandoval has been suspended for two games for apparently “making protests at the main referee, the assistants and the fourth official,” claimed the official report. Sandoval himself maintains that “my actual words were ‘I think this is a yellow card’ and the fourth official sent me off.” Let's just say LLL is scratching its chin Jimmy Hill style...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (7th) v Villarreal (13th) - 18.00
Pericos would have been particularly peeved all week after a point was snatched from Espanyol’s grasp after a penalty was awarded against Ndri Romaric when a ball struck the midfielder in the face, with the referee thinking that the ball hit the player on the arm. It was a spot-kick that ultimately gave Málaga a 2-1 win.
The midweek appeals committee has since cancelled the yellow card subsequently given to Romaric but that hasn’t made a moody Mauricio Pochettino any happier. “If they called this penalty against Barcelona or Madrid, it would have gone to the Supreme Court,” fumed the Espanyol manager.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
The papers in Spain were all about stats this week. Víctor Valdés beat Miguel Reina’s clean sheet record of 824 minutes against Plzen. Leo Messi beat the 200 goals mark in official matches for Barcelona with his hat-trick in the same game. And Pep Guardiola managed his Dream Boys in a competitive match for the 200th time.
In that spell, the Barça boss has overseen 144 wins, 39 draws, and 17 defeats (and, subsequently, 17 crises) with 500 goals scored and 143 conceded. And in a stats clash cross over, the club’s Argentinean striker has scored 160 of that 500. Which is about a half, or maybe a third. Who knows. Someone else work it out.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe (20th) v Atlético Madrid (10th) - 22.00
José Antonio Reyes seems to have a ‘loves me, loves me not’ relationship with his club managers at Atlético Madrid. With Javier Aguirre the waters were very frothy indeed with the combined potty-mouthed feistiness of both characters leading to difficult times. The former Arsenal and Real Madrid winger got on just fine Quique Sánchez Flores, but has fallen out badly with Gregorio Manzano, with Reyes telling his coach to stick his substitution where the sun rarely shines during the clash with Athletic Bilbao last week.
Reyes was subsequently dropped from the squad that faced Zaragoza and was missing against Udinese on Thursday, apparently due to the flu. “There is no Reyes case, as there is no case with any player who has not played in the past games,” claimed Manzano when quizzed over a possible fall-out.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Messi continues his 'crisis' as Real Madrid look for first win in Lyon

Tim Stannard — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 10:40:00 GMT

Poor Leo Messi continued to stumble along on Tuesday night, still haunted by his lonely, desperate crisis of confidence; the beginning of the end of his career, the ghoulish ‘ooooooo’ in 'doomed', the despair of a player who knows the goose of his talent has been well and truly cooked.

Having only been able to respond to the omniscient critics who have accused him of being in the most terrible of form with a hat-trick against Mallorca on Saturday, Messi could again only manage another measly three goals against Plzen to put Barcelona through to the knock-out stages of the Champions League.

Of course, the Catalan press tried to cover up this woeful sequence of matches with praise. But it was so, so faint. So faint. “This guy is a beast” boasted the front cover of Wednesday’s Sport, fooling nobody. Aside from the paper’s poor, gullible readers perhaps. “All those who criticised Leo when he went three matches without scoring had better go and hide. It’s a mortal sin to doubt the number one in the world,” scoffed Josep Maria Casanovas.

There was similar, sad bravado in Mundo Deportivo with a confused sounding Santi Nolla complaining bitterly that “I don’t understand how there are no consequences for anyone saying that Messi was in crisis. There are people who have decided to deceive rather that accept the clear truth.”

Aside from this desperate attempt to hide the reality from the rechargeable torch of justice, the other news of the night was Valencia picking up a 3-1 win against Bayer Leverkusen, taking the lead in just nine seconds thanks to an effort from Jonas, one of the fastest goals in Champions League history.

The victory in Mestalla keeps Valencia very much alive in the group, just three points behind Chelsea at the top with two games to go. However that wasn’t enough to stop Unai Emery being called a donkey by some Valencia supporters. His crime? Replacing Sofiane Feghouli with Pablo Piatti in the second half. The swine.

Wednesday sees Real Madrid back in Lyon for what feels like their hundredth match with the French side in the last five years. Once again, they will be trying to win a game of football in Stade Gerland, something they have thus far failed to manage. The forces of Mordor are in France with one or two players missing from the squad through injury, but José Mourinho revealed that he is not too fussed. “Last year if we travelled without Carvalho, Marcelo, Kaká and Arbeloa then we’d have a big, big, big problem.”

A win for Real Madrid and a slip-up from Ajax would see the Spanish side as group winners after just four games, enabling Mourinho’s men to take it easy in the final two matches and even give a run-out to poor Esteban Granero - a footballer who should be ringing his agent every hour looking for a new gig.

Villarreal are also lacking one or two first teamers - six to be exact - but don’t really have the strength in depth to cover such deficiencies, so could be in for a hammering by Manchester City in El Madrigal, despite the English side's Champions League performances to date being more flimsy than any item of IKEA furniture constructed by yours truly.

“The injuries of the past week were just the tip of the iceberg, but it was nothing new” complained Villarreal coach, Juan Carlos Garrido on the newly knackedness of Marcos Senna, Cani, Cristian Zapata and Giuseppe Rossi. “The only way to face it is to fight to the death for every ball so the absences aren’t noticeable.”

It’s no wonder that Owen Hargreaves didn’t travel with Roberto Mancini’s men in what could well be a rather feisty encounter on Spain’s east coast.

Good Day, Bad Day: Mediocre Madrid overtake losing Levante

Tim Stannard — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 11:11:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 29 Oct Barcelona 5-0 Mallorca, Real Sociedad 0-1 Real Madrid, Valencia 3-1 Getafe, Villarreal 2-0 Rayo Vallecano Sun 30 Oct Atletico Madrid 3-1 Real Zaragoza, Malaga 2-1 Espanyol, Osasuna 2-0 Levante, Racing Santander 1-0 Real Betis, Sporting Gijon 1-1 Athletic Bilbao Mon 31 Oct Sevilla 1-2 Granada

Good Day

Real Madrid
José Mourinho has got quite a good thing going on with the local media. Win in an incredibly impressive fashion - as the side has been doing of late, especially in the victories over Málaga and Villarreal - and it’s proof positive that the ‘Mou Team 2’ is going to rule over all the dimensions of earth. Scrap to a narrow and unconvincing 1-0 win, as Real Madrid managed against Real Sociedad, and it’s a case of “that’s how you win leagues.” Cake. Eaten. Thank you.
Mourinho claimed after the game that his side were suffering from fatigue, although it’s hard to buy that line completely as three quarters of the front four alone have been swapping games over the past month and Alvaro Arbeloa and Fabio Coentrao at the back are still fresh as daisies. What’s a perfectly acceptable excuse for the 1-0 win that moves Real Madrid to the top of the table is a feisty opponent and lack of precision in front of goal for once.

Leo Messi
The one-two-three hand signal after the Argentinean scored just his first goal might have been the coolest thing that the very easily pleased LLL has seen this year. Even better than the twelfth hat-trick of Messi’s Barcelona career.

Camp Nou
Barcelona have now scored 26 league goals at the Camp Nou this season, without a single strike being conceded.

Ever Banega
With most Valencia fans being of the grumbly ilk, the Mestalla side are only a poor ten minute spell away from being booed off the pitch or having angry letters posted to them by fans concerned by a lack of effort, as happened recently to Unai Emery’s men. But back-to-back victories in games against Real Zaragoza and most recently of all, Getafe, have given the Valencia coach a good three inches of air breathing space in a locked chest at the bottom of the ocean.
The fun-loving Ever Banega played a large part in Valencia’s 3-1 win in Mestalla, with Emery highlighting one of the midfielder’s too few very excellent performances. “The team is working with Banega. We are growing.” “He needs to be consistent,” added the coach of the league’s fourth-placed team, who are still just four points off the top spot.

Málaga
It was a much-needed victory for Manuel Pellegrini after three straight defeats. But the 2-1 win over Espanyol was hardly a convincing one, with Málaga awarded a late penalty with the scores level after the referee interpreted a ball hitting Ndri Romaric in the face as handball. The fact that the Espanyol midfielder looked like he had been whacked in the mug by Mike Tyson should really have been some kind of clue.

Osasuna
It’s the normal state of affairs for Osasuna this season. Unbeaten in Pamplona but without a victory on the road. It’s a little unbalanced, but it seems to work as Osasuna are currently in eighth.

Atlético Madrid
The 3-1 victory over an awful Real Zaragoza wasn’t enough to prevent the cries from the crowd calling for Luis Aragonés to replace Gregorio Manzano. The concept of being careful what you wish for certainly applies here. The Rojiblancos were one of the three teams who faced their ‘finals’ over the weekend and came out on top.

Borja Valero
Not exactly a convincing win for Villarreal with a 2-0 victory over Rayo, but it will certainly do. It was largely owed to the side’s play-maker Borja Valero - who has been mostly AWOL this season - pulling off a big performance with an assist and a goal to lift Villarreal out of the relegation area. The downside to the weekend’s result was an injury to Cani that puts the midfielder out of action for six weeks, the same fate suffered by defender, Cristian Zapata. Not fantastic news with Giuseppe Rossi sidelined for up to six months potentially.

Racing Santander
The win over Betis was Racing’s first victory of the season. They aren’t going to get too many more.

Granada
LLL certainly didn’t see that coming. Sevilla were cruising - as much as it possible to cruise with a 1-0 lead - against Granada and looked like getting a second. But some wonderful saves from visiting keeper Roberto, who had previously been a little bit flimsy this season, kept Granada in the match. The second side in the Andalusian derby then pulled off a bit of a coup with two late goals to give the team just their second win of the season and double the team’s goalscoring tally for the campaign so far.

Bad Day

Levante
With defeat at Osasuna ending a run of seven straight wins, the psychological trick facing manager Juan Ignacio Martínez is convincing his players that it was the lengthy string of victories that was the oddity in Levante’s current existence and not the loss. They're going to lose games and they need to remember how to recover. The visit of Valencia next weekend might be the perfect way to raise the spirits of the players once again, should they have sagged at all.

Joaquín Caparrós
Since the former Athletic Bilbao manager took over, Mallorca have yet to win any of their four games. Indeed, the team has only scored the single goal in open play with the Balearic club relying on two penalties during its two draws in that spell.

Real Zaragoza
Three defeats in a row for Javier Aguirre’s men have blighted what had been a fairly sturdy start to the season for Zaragoza, who are still finding their feet - and learning each other’s names too.

Real Betis
It’s incredible to think that the Seville side were early league leaders this season after winning their first four games. This run has been followed by six straight defeats with just a single goal being scored. And that was against Real Madrid in the Santiago Bernabeu, too.

Getafe
Last season, Luis García made a name for himself by managing a Levante team who looked doomed to relegation and saving their skins in the second half of the season. Indeed, it was García’s performance that got the 39-year-old the Getafe gig over the summer. Judging by the club’s current form it seems their manager enjoyed last year’s experience so much that he wants to repeat those fun times with Getafe sitting at the bottom of the table with just the single victory from ten.

La Liga’s Big Three Finals of the Weekend

Tim Stannard — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 09:25:00 GMT

LLL imagines that when the sixty-or-so million Euros were pumped into Málaga over the summer, the club’s Qatari owners weren’t expecting the dreaded talk of ‘finals’ steaming into view as early as October.

But that’s the kind of crazy talk that the hamster-cheeked Santi Cazorla kicked off this week in light of Málaga’s horrendous 2-0 defeat at Rayo Vallecano on Wednesday – the club’s third loss in a row without a single goal being scored.

“It’s more than a final in terms of the state of the spirit of the team,” revealed the forward ahead of the southern side’s Sunday night visit from Espanyol, a team who beat Betis on Thursday with their third consecutive 1-0 victory, apparently channeling Dull Deportivo (from back when the Galicians were half-decent).

But big-spending Málaga are in excellent company, having being joined in the doo-doo by the big-spending Atlético Madrid. The Rojiblancos are living up to all expectations this season by failing to live up to all expectations this season. Once you get to spend quality time with Atlético, that will all make sense.

On Thursday night, Gregorio Manzano’s men continued a fine run of form – five winless league games no away goals all season. Atlético’s latest disaster was a 3-0 loss at the rapidly improving Athletic Bilbao, leaving the manager’s position in some jeopardy, especially since Manzano has just got the backing of club president Enrique Cerezo.

“We keep on thinking that we have a great manager. To think anything else doesn’t make sense," said Cerezo, clearly unaware of his club's history of nonsense. "Neither Manzano nor anyone else is in danger for us. What we have to do is raise the spirits of the team.”

Atlético, who these days are just as poor in the Vicente Calderón as on the road, will be hosting Real Zaragoza in what has to be a beautifully wrapped gift of a chance for a comfortable crowd-pleasing home win on Sunday evening.

Villarreal’s week turned from bad to Arizmendi in just five days. It started off horrendously on Sunday with a 3-0 home defeat to Levante. Juan Carlos Garrido’s side followed up that performance with a hopeless display on Wednesday with a 3-0 loss to Real Madrid.

A day later it was announced that Giuseppe Rossi is set to be out for up to six months with a knee ligament damage, joining Sergio Canales and Carlos Gurpegui in this week's Terrible Injury News Club.

Rather like Málaga and Atlético Madrid, Villarreal do have what should be an easy chance to bounce back with the visit of Rayo Vallecano, who are now in the lofty heights of ninth after back-to-back wins against Betis and Málaga.

League leaders Levante – LLL still gets a tingly kick out of writing that – will be looking to continuing living the dream of the poor, old and miserable (including the blog) by traveling to Osasuna, from where it is almost impossible to come away with three points.

So that will probably leave Real Madrid at the top of the table after the weekend is over, considering the forces of Mordor will be descending on San Sebastian to face Real Sociedad, who are not very good at all these days. Plucky Barcelona will be building on the side’s feisty 1-0 win at Granada by hosting Mallorca at the Camp Nou in what should be the non-taxing football equivalent of... er... playing Mallorca at the Camp Nou.

Round 11 mini-predictions
Sevilla v Granada – Home win
Barcelona v Mallorca – Home win
Sporting v Athletic – Away win
Atlético Madrid v Zaragoza – Home win
Valencia v Getafe – Draw
Osasuna v Levante – Home win
Real Sociedad v Real Madrid – Away win
Villarreal v Rayo Vallecano – Home win
Málaga v Espanyol – Home win
Racing Santander v Betis – Away win

Boring Barça scrape past Granada as Mourinho house trains his players

Tim Stannard — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 09:51:00 GMT

Barcelona beat Granada 1-0 on Tuesday night, but you wouldn’t really guess it from the somewhat muted response in Wednesday morning's papers. And as well it might be, as Pep’s Dream Boys were restricted to just a single goal - albeit a magnificent free-kick from Xavi - by a newly-promoted side who played over half an hour with just ten men

Even the Barcelona manager himself admitted his side weren’t all that in Andalusia, with Guardiola grumbling that “we were not fast in our circulation of the ball. We didn’t get into their box enough.”

“It’s like Barça are playing at 50% capacity,” fretted Josep Maria Casanovas writing in Sport. “One goal in two matches is a poor return for a team that has 70% possession of the ball.”

“The spectators should get their money back,” suggests J.M Artells writing in Mundo Deportivo. “The blaugrana were barely recognisable in the first half.”

The chance to prod a disapproving finger into Barça’s belly certainly wasn’t missed in the Spanish capital, with AS editor Alfredo Relaño tutting that “just when Madrid have reached a state of grace, Barça appear to have lost a bit of inspiration, or, if not, luck.

“Xavi against boredom,” moaned the paper’s match report.

Dullness certainly wasn’t the feature of Tuesday’s other match, with Sevilla being held to a 2-2 home draw by the then bottom-of-the-table Racing in a bit of a surprising result. But it’s unlikely the Cantabrians will gain too much pleasure from the point and two goals scored as the match was lost by Racing in injury-time after a header from Manu del Moral rescued Sevilla’s booty

“It’s a shame as it would have been our first win,” sighed Racing boss, Héctor Cúper.

There are six games being played on Wednesday night, headed up by league leaders Levante's home tie with Real Sociedad. With the visitors in a bit of a dodgy spot at the moment, LLL is going to curse the blog’s newfound heroes by predicting a seventh straight win for Levante, who have now picked up 53 points in their last 26 league games. However, there are still some glum faces in the Valencia club’s squad concerning thier eventual fate this season

“Everything will end up going to back to normal,” predicted midfielder Juanlu. “Levante will end up fighting for their lives to survive.”

A win on Wednesday would give Levante 23 points, meaning that the club would only have to find seven more victories in the current campaign to triumph in that eventual struggle to the death at the bottom, so there are some reasons to be cheerful for the 31-year-old.

Rayo Vallecano are looking for their first home win of the season against a Málaga side who are in terrible shape, having conceded seven and scored nowt in their last two games against Levante and Real Madrid. Getafe host Osasuna in what is set to be a dog of a match, while Mallorca will be trying to score a proper goal for once - the team’s last four have been penalties - with the visit of Sporting.

Valencia will enjoy playing away from their currently disgruntled fans against Zaragoza, while Real Madrid will be taking on Villarreal in the Bernabeu in front of their...er...gruntled fans. Interestingly and entertainingly, this is a clash that has given Marca all sorts of trouble.

Because of the paper’s insistence of awarding Cristiano Ronaldo an extra goal last season, to help the Portuguese along the way in their top scorer ‘Pichichi’ prize, Wednesday’s edition gasps that the forward is just a single strike away from his century for Real Madrid. However, a glance at AS shows that Ronaldo is actually two away from scoring a hundred official goals - a record that pretty much everyone else runs with.

Marca’s other dilemma is the news that José Mourinho allowed his players to stay at home rather than in a hotel overnight for a home match, something the players hate doing. Manuel Pellegrini gave into their grumbles during his ill-fated reign and allowed his squad home-leave the night before games at the Bernabeu to huge criticism from Marca, who slammed his 'weak will'.

Golden boy Mourinho doing the same sees Marca having to back peddle a little by publishing the ten rules that the Madrid manager has given to his footballers on the front page - or rather the ten rules that the paper has completely made up to get them out of a tight spot. These apparent laws from above include getting between eight and ten hours sleep and “not going to bed hungry or thirsty.”

The irony is that, although there are many matches in which Madrid will need to be in tip-top form this season, the visit of Villarreal is not one of them. A night on the town, a cheesy burrito and a couple of hours kip would still be enough preparation to beat a team playing abysmally at the moment. LLL wouldn’t bet against at least two members of the side’s fun-lovin’ back five have experienced such a night ahead of Wednesday’s game.

Levante finally get their due as Racing decide to take up rugby

Tim Stannard — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 11:03:00 GMT

On catching a glimpse of the latest La Liga table, the reaction of the sports media in Barcelona and Madrid must have been akin to that of a rather slow-witted individual gawping at a 3D 'magic eye' picture.

“No, no I don’t see it. A space ship crashing into Pluto? Really? Sir Alex naked as well?” But in this case, the response was “Levante? In first place? That's not what I can see..."

It must eventually have clicked that neither Barcelona nor Real Madrid are currently top of the table - something that was largely overlooked in Monday's editions, with a bone only thrown Levante’s way a day later, accompanied by a patronising pat on the head.

The front cover on AS reveals the dramatic news that Real Madrid hope to score lots of goals this season, but the inside the theme soon switches to the current leagye leaders.

“Eleven men and one idea,” writes the paper’s boss, Alfredo Relaño, on Levante, who were greeted by legions of fans and fireworks on their return to their stadium in the very early hours of Monday morning, after the victory over Villarreal.

Marca don’t go quite that far, and instead dedicate the first ten pages of Tuesday's edition to the greatness of Iker Casillas, ‘Mou Team II’ and the Santiago Bernabeu - we promise we're genuinely not making this up - before covering Levante on page 26 and...wait for it...page 27.

“Clearly Levante are not going to win the league and their situation is transitory,” says Tuesday’s editorial cheerfully. “But while the moment lasts we should emphasise the enormous lesson in humility which this modest team run by Quico Catalan is offering.”

Over in the Catalan capital, Sport have taken notice of the league table despite Barça being in action on Tuesday night. “Clearly Levante’s leadership is like a gift from God - a miracle,” writes Josep Maria Casanovas, failing notice that if such divine intervention is needed to break up La Liga's duopoly then Spanish football really is in trouble. “They know sooner rather than later the glory will lesson. But when the music stops they have 20 points and have given Valencia and Villarreal a kick.”

Barcelona will probably sneak back above Levante on this evening after their away clash against a Granada side who have only scored two goals in eight games - not an ideal record to take into a match against the European Champions. But Monday must still have been one of those days when Pep Guardiola wished he could have just stayed in bed, knowing that he had to face the media with questions on whether he is upset not to be top of the table with some 30 games still to go and whether Leo Messi is a blubbering mess after missing a penalty against Sevilla.

After replying ‘no’ and ‘no’ to those googlies, the Barça boss did reveal his concern regarding the constant string of injuries his team seem to suffer. “We can’t keep up this rhythm,” admitted Guardiola, hinting that the club may need to ease off on the pre-season tours in future.

Tuesday’s other match sees dull-but-worthy Sevilla facing Racing Santander, who are bottom-of-the-table and in all sorts of trouble.

Seeing as the squad were having so much difficulty playing football, rugby was introduced to Monday’s training session before questions were thrown (presumably only backwards) at coach Héctor Cúper regarding his future at the club.

“If one day there are doubts about me I’ll step aside and some one else can come in and fix everything,” said the Racing boss in what could be a make-or-break match for the Argentinean manager.

Good Day, Bad Day: Life-affirming Levante & a spot of bother for Barca

Tim Stannard — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:06:00 GMT

Good Day

Levante
La Liga Loca suspected rather gloomily that Levante might choke when presented with the opportunity to move to the top of the table during Sunday’s late game against Villarreal. This was partly because all sense of spirit and good will had been sucked from the blog during Atlético’s 1-1 draw against Mallorca, but also due to the simple fact that winning six games in a row, which is what Levante needed to achieve to move to the summit, is more than challenging for any team, never mind one with the paltry resources of the Valencia-based club.
But Levante came though and were magnificent in the team’s 3-0 win over Villarreal: precise, energetic, confident and lethal. In fact everything that the El Madrigal side weren’t. Levante moved to the top for the first time in the club’s 102 year history and fully deserved it, too.

José Mourinho
Towards the end of Real Madrid’s 4-0 win over Málaga, José Mourinho was slumped back in his seat watching the the final minutes, chatting and chuckling to his cronies. And as well as he should, as a blistering first half from his side blew Málaga away, with a hat-trick from Cristiano Ronaldo and a strike from Gonzalo Higuaín leaving the match all but won after 45 minutes.
“In the first half it seemed that Málaga were not so good, but that was due to us,” maintained Mourinho, who claimed he didn’t mind the insults from the crowd or the half-nibbled seeds being chucked in his direction by the home fans. “My goalkeeper coach ate them all,” revealed the chirpy, cheeky chappy.

Angel di María
There are many aspects of the Argentinean's play that leave LLL with a very squirmy face indeed. It's the same face the blog makes when being confronted by any kind of seafood. The outrageous diving and cheating are just two of those features. But we will admit that Di María can certainly play a bit when he wants to.
Real Madrid only improved against Betis last weekend when the winger was introduced in the second half, providing some much-needed width and two assists for Gonzalo Higuaín. Di Maria popped up with a couple more on Saturday against Málaga to demonstrate that Madrid’s squad is so strong at the moment that Mesut Özil could be left on the bench without anybody really noticing...

Javi Varas
There has been high praise in Spain for the Sevilla keeper following his game-saving performance against Barcelona, during which he pulled off a big save to deny pretty much against each and every member of the opposition, even blocking an injury time penalty from Leo Messi.
For some three seasons now, Varas has been behind Andrés Palop, but with Marcelino wanting to freshen up the squad, the former number two goalie has grasped his opportunity to star. The performance against Barcelona was no fluke as the 28-year-old has been solid all season with Sevilla conceding just the single goal in the last five games.

Espanyol
Back-to-back 1-0 away wins see the Pericos sneaking into eighth place in the table. “Our rivals are finding it hard to get close to our goal,” revealed the scorer of Espanyol’s winner, Sergio García. “We are working really hard away from home.”

Raul García
The Osasuna midfielder is now Osasuna’s top scorer with four goals, the last of those coming in a comfortable 3-0 win over Zaragoza. And if anyone had seen Raúl García play for Atlético Madrid over the past few seasons, they’ll know just how mad that scoring statistic sounds.

Iker Muniain
A cracking solo effort for the ever-improving wee nipper gave Athletic Bilbao the lead against Valencia in a match that would ultimately end 1-1.

Mallorca
The football gods continue to be living in Mallorca’s spare bedroom. The Balearic side’s last four goals have all come from the spot. And the last two penalty awards have been as flimsy as you can imagine, with referees blessing Mallorca with two spot-kicks following fairly clear ball-to-hand incidents, the second of which cursed Atlético some twenty seconds into Sunday’s 1-1 bore draw at the Vicente Calderón.

Rayo Vallecano
The mighty Rayo needed their 2-0 win over Betis like they need a fourth side to their stadium. A bright start to the campaign in la Primera had been followed by a run which saw just the single point picked up in four games. Rayo’s win on Sunday came from the penalty spot and a delightful lob from the impressive Alhassane Bangoura, who continues to show why quite a few big cheeses in Europa are interested in the young winger’s signature.

Sporting
Oooh, how Sporting manager Manuel Preciado would have enjoyed that victory. A decent performance - but eventual defeat - against Sevilla last week showed there were signs of optimism for Sporting ahead of Saturday’s clash against fellow bottom-dwellers, Granada. Although Sporting were gifted the two goals with a horrible performance from opposition keeper, Roberto, the Asturians will take anything these days in what was the side’s first win of the season.

Bad Day

Barcelona
Two dropped points for Barcelona on Saturday saw Madrid get away with the poor results against Levante and Racing to lead Pep’s Dream Boys by one point in the table. But this must also be balanced with the face that Barcelona have already played Valencia, Atlético Madrid, Villarreal (perhaps not so hard, these days) and Sevilla. Real Madrid have not.
LLL thought Barça were just fine on Saturday night and that seems to be the opinion of the local press who have taken the dropped points on the collective, Catalan chin. “The team can’t be criticised,” says Joan Battle in Sport. “They tried from the first minute, dominated the match from beginning to end, never gave up on their style...shot more than 20 times...what more can you ask?” It’s a reaction echoed in Mundo Deportivo with Francesc Aguilar soothing that “this Barça can feel proud of themselves.”

Valencia
Some segments of the Valencia crowd were unhappy with the side before the team’s home draw with Athletic Bilbao, so LLL can’t imagine what mood they’ll be in after Los Che only drew their clash against the Basque visitors with late goal from Roberto Soldado.

Betis
Four wins in a row for Betis that sent the Andalusian side to the top of the table have now been followed by four defeats. It is the two at home that have been the most costly, and more than a little unlucky. That was certainly case in the 2-0 loss to Rayo Vallecano on Sunday afternoon. “We are really down as I think it was unfair,” admitted Pepe Mel after the game. But the Betis coach also made the fair point that “we are in the eighth round and seven points from the relegation zone.”

Manuel Pellegrini
The chance to stick a barbed one up the jacksie of both the constantly baiting Marca and Pellegrini’s former employers was missed by miles in a match that saw Málaga only start playing during the second half. And only because Real Madrid let them do so by scaling down the intensity a notch or two.

Atlético Madrid
Gregorio Manzano needed a strong start to his spell at the Vicente Calderón with a large section of the Rojiblanco support doubting the laid back manager was what Atlético required when he took over during the summer. This isn’t what Manzano has managed to achieve.
A truly dreadful performance in a horrible 1-1 match for Atlético against Mallorca had LLL screaming ‘my eyes! my eyes!’ in the stands had the crowd booing at the final whistle with some chants calling for the sacking of Manzano.
Atlético are now without a win in six games in la Liga or Europe. Awful, awful stuff. Awful.

Real Sociedad
Three defeats and a goalless draw is the recent record for la Real Sociedad, a team who began the year so brightly but are now fading fast.

Villarreal
What the Yellow Submarine need is a morale-boosting midweek victory on the road to get them back on track after the Levante loss. What the Yellow Submarine have got though is a potentially messy trip to the Santiago Bernabeu on Wednesday. If Villarreal play like they did on Sunday night, LLL wouldn’t rule out a double-digit defeat.

Getafe
A second successive goalless draw for Getafe with Sunday’s 0-0 against Real Sociedad leaves Getafe just one point and one place above the drop zone.

Racing Santander
Bottom-of-the table. The only side without a victory. Just four goals scored. Owner gone AWOL and being investigated by Interpol. Falling attendances. “We are not in a good shape, we can’t hide it,” admitted beleaguered Racing coach, Hector Cúper.

La Preview: Ronaldo losing 'killer instinct' as Rami apologises to ref's mum

Tim Stannard — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 08:54:00 GMT

Saturday

Sporting (20th) v Granada (18th) - 18.00 (local time)
Despite Sporting losing to Sevilla last Sunday, a defeat that saw the Asturian side remain rooted to the bottom of the table, their performance was quite a sprightly one. This has kept Manuel Preciado in his job for another week. However, even the gurgling sports papers aren’t exaggerating (for once) when calling the coming weekend's clash against Granada a 'final', seeing as it’s against another team currently in the drop zone.
“We know what we are playing for on Saturday, it’s more than three points,” admitted striker, Mate Bilic. “We failed against two direct rivals and could only get a draw against Racing at home. We are capable of getting out of this situation but it doesn’t mean anything just saying it, we need to get going and show it right now.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (19th) v Espanyol (10th) - 18.00
Constantly changing and frequently unsocial kick-off times, Spain’s economic crisis and expensive ticket prices are all being offered up as root causes for many clubs suffering a drop in attendances this season. The biggest dip is being suffered by Racing Santander, who Marca report have seen a 36% drop from the average attendance at El Sardinero of last season.
Racing being sat second bottom of the table, without a victory and with just four goals to their name probably isn’t going to bring the crowds in on Saturday’s game either.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Málaga (6th) v Real Madrid (3rd) - 20.00
Having grown a little tired of asking the mirror on the wall who is the fairest of Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuaín, AS have now begun pondering whether they prefer the new, more frequently passing (but less frequently scoring) Cristiano Ronaldo, who has already set up seven goals this season compared to the 12 for the whole of last term.
“I’m worried that Cristiano is not scoring,” fretted José Antonio Ponseti in a debate in Friday’s edition. “I prefer to have the Portuguese happy and with his killer instincts flat out.”
Meanwhile, continuing the traditions of rich people never having to pay for anything, the Madrid players were given Audis to whizz around town in for the season. Alvaro Arbeloa picked the cheapest at €42,000, while Ronaldo went for the priciest at a cool €186,000 - something called an R8 Spyder. Perhaps the Madrid forward hasn’t changed that much after all...
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (1st) v Sevilla (4th) - 22.00
Honestly, the media in Spain could make an almighty controversy out of ....errrrm... a molehill. Sevilla this week announced that, starting with their visit to the Camp Nou on Saturday, the big sponsorless space on the front of the players’ shirts will be plastered with the slogan, “Proud of Andalusia”.
There's nothing wrong with that, the club have used the region to give themselves a bit of identity on many occasions, even choosing to declare their love for cucumbers during the recent food poisoning scare which badly hit local farmers.
No, the tizz over this instance surrounds the suggestion that it is an attempt to go toe-to-toe with Barcelona in the nationalist stakes and stir a hornets' nest. It was a topic on which Pep Guardiola was probed following his side’s 2-0 Champions League win over Plzen, but it was an initiative the Barça boss was evidently not in the least bit bothered by. “I think it’s fantastic that people are proud of their homeland,” said Guardiola to a provoking press.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Betis (7th) v Rayo Vallecano (16th) - 12.00
It’s a big match for Betis defender, Antonio Amaya, who will line up against former club Rayo after jumping from one near bankrupt team to another - via Wigan - over the summer.
“It’s going to be difficult,” admitted the stopper to LLL, “Rayo is the team where I grew up but now I’m playing for Betis.”
Both sides are coming into the game on the back of some iffy form but Rayo defender Tito says that the dressing room is unconcerned by Sunday’s home defeat against Espanyol.
“The dressing room is not worried because until last weekend, the team had been doing well. We don’t have to spill our blood for one defeat although it was painful.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (13th) v Getafe (17th) - 16.00
With Getafe managing their worst attendance of the season so far, just 7,000, for the Coliseum clash with Villarreal last Saturday, the club is now proposing the notion that their normally sparse stands are in an even worse state when the side are playing at the same time as Real Madrid, which is what happened last weekend. It is thought 2,000 of the team’s 9,000 season ticket holders are also in bed with Real Madrid, with Ronaldo, Mourinho and co. always certain to have more allure.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Mallorca (12th) - 18.00
Atlético Madrid goalkeeper Thibaut Courtois, currently on-loan from Chelsea, has done rather well for the Rojiblancos since arriving at the Vicente Calderón and is one of the primary reasons for the spookily large number of clean sheets Atleti have mustered this season - a record balanced out by an inability to score at the other end, mind.
Interviewed during the week on radio station COPE, the Belgian revealed that he may well be staying at Atlético for a second season - something that will delight the waiting-in-the-wings Joel and Sergio Asenjo, no doubt. However, Courtois is fairly confident that it’s Stamford Bridge rather than the Vicente Calderón that will eventually be his stadium of choice. “I know he has problems with his knees and back,” said the goalkeeper on Peter Cech. “The goalkeeping coach at Chelsea told me he doesn’t know how long he can play at a high level.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (15th) v Zaragoza (9th) - 18.00
Zaragoza’s Helder Postiga was the proud holder of LLL’s goal of the week award - the first and only perhaps, with the blog losing track of the imaginary trinkets it hands out - after a wonderful overhead effort against Real Sociedad. “[It was] one of the best goals of my career,” beamed the Portuguese poacher in an interview with AS. “Sometimes these kinds of shots don’t go so well, but despite it being a difficult execution it went ok this time.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (5th) v Athletic Bilbao (11th) - 20.00
One player who won’t be taking part in this intriguing encounter is Valencia’s Adil Rami. The Mestalla defender was sent off in the closing minutes of last weekend’s draw with Mallorca for telling the referee that his mother was ...ahem... of ill-repute after a penalty was awarded against his team for a dodgy hand-ball.
However, the French defender still doesn’t really understand why he was instantly given his marching orders. “I thought it was normal to say this in Spain,” claimed Rami, who does have a point about what is a particularly potty-mouthed country. “I didn’t want to be insulting. I don’t even know the referee’s mother.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (14th) v Levante (2nd) - 22.00
The Villarreal camp are still smarting over their late, late defeat to Manchester City on Tuesday night, especially with mean old Kun Agüero being a big bully and making fun of his opponents in the tunnel - something the Argentinean has denied through the magic medium of Twitter.
“He knows what he did and so do we,” sniffed Villarreal defender, José Manuel Catalá on Thursday. “He has the right to deny it but I know what happened. Everything stays on the pitch,” warned Catalá in what Kun can be expecting in El Madrigal at the rematch in Spain.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Anger over Agüero’s antics as Benzema batters Lyon

Tim Stannard — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 09:40:00 GMT

When it comes across English football, the delicate and snooty LLL is rather like Frasier’s Niles Crane confronted with an evening of cage fighting – in that it finds it crass, brutish, violent but also a bit of a tingly turn-on. Exposure to Rooney & Co. often necessitates a shower. For several reasons.

LLL hosed itself down again before beddy-bies having spent the evening in the company of Manchester City, apparently the Premier League leaders – or so the blog reads elsewhere in the wonderful pages of FourFourTwo.com.

Well, LLL was blowing raspberries in a northern direction from its Madrid penthouse until 92 minutes into the match against Villarreal, thinking that if that’s the best that England has to offer then the Daily Mail are probably due another campaign complaining about the footballing (and moral, of course) crisis at the heart of the English game.

The island nation's finest should easily have picked off Villarreal, a poor side who have only have managed a single league win and taken two Champions League shellackings. Instead, the visitors came 15 seconds from taking a point off Manchester City – insert obligatory comment about their billions – before pesky Kun Agüero popped up far post with a winner in the 2-1 victory.

NEWS Last-gasp Aguero goal sinks Villarreal

The former Atlético Madrid man was at the centre of post-match controversy with a claim from the Spanish camp that Kun was taking the pee out of the vanquished visitors.

“Kun was laughing at our players,” fumed Villarreal VP José Manuel Llanza. “In football you have to have class, especially in moments like these,” noted Carlos Marchena. The City striker denied any such accusations on Twitter, meaning that either he or a bunch of people from Villarreal are telling fibs.

The only controversy after Real Madrid’s easy 4-0 win over Lyon was a completely-losing-it Spanish press gurgling furiously over José Mourinho’s decision to play Karim Benzema instead of the in-form Gonzalo Higuaín against the French side. “And so the debate goes on,” sighed the weary Madrid manager, who's going to have to get used to this mini-civil war in the Mordor camp until the end of the season.

NEWS Real Madrid march on after mauling Lyon

AS were happy campers in regards to the victory, with editor Alfredo Relaño claiming that “Madrid had more strength, spirit, football, everything.” That list should also include ‘money’, which is why the club were able to buy Benzema off Lyon in the first place.

The France striker scored one and set up another to leave Madrid with nine points from nine and not far from winning the group. “Madrid are destroying Europe like Napoleon’s first battles,” boasted Tomás Roncero, who will have to hope that the club’s Champions League campaign doesn’t go all Russia 1812.

On Wednesday night Valencia have a make-or-break match at Bayer Leverkusen. After two points from two Champions League games, coach Unai Emery decided to take all 24 squad members to Germany.

LLL suspected that such extravagance might have caused some alarm among the bosses of the cash-strapped club – until the blog read that pretty much all of the board had travelled too in what appears to be a giant German jolly. “What better occasion than the Champions League when we can all be together?” asked Emery rhetorically, having earlier had to field the baffling question of “is this a final?” ahead of a group-stage match.

Barcelona are expected to wipe the floor with Czech side Viktoria Plzen, despite Pep Guardiola urging caution. Opposing manager Pavel Vrba was more honest, daydreaming that “if we win, they’ll build us a statue in Pilsen.”

Mourinho struggles with his bullets as Villarreal prepare to get a bit cheeky

Tim Stannard — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 09:46:00 GMT

The challenge facing Marca’s graphics department on Monday was a significant one. They were required to take photographs of six Real Madrid players and squeeze them onto the shells of six bullets. And they failed.

Instead of looking like deadly ammunition-shaped assassins, Karim Benzema, Gonzalo Higuaín, Mesut Özil, Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaká and Angel di María looked like a cross between Humpty Dumpty and the Vogons from a ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’ - something Benzema already manages without the need for Photoshop trickery.

Marca was attempting to point out that José Mourinho had a difficult job squeezing his six ‘bullets’ into four positions out on the pitch, and that some tough decisions would have to be made ahead of Tuesday’s Champions League clash with Lyon.

The Madrid manager seemed less than impressed by Marca’s imagery at Monday’s press conference. “Now I have six bullets but 15 days ago we had no goals, Higuaín and Benzema were bad and it was ‘why didn’t we sign Agüero?’”, scoffed the eye-poking Portuguese. Mourinho is under the impression the Spanish media is out to get him by causing divisions between those squatting in the Benzema camp and those found of a bit of Higuaín action. And yes, there are actual camps. “These are your debates, not mine. Your objectives are different. Mine is to unite, not divide,” slammed Mourinho.

With everything in la Liga being political, especially in the press, the pro-Benzema brigade tend to be aligned with Florentino Pérez and will always dislike Higuaín for being more popular with the fans than the Frenchman, for being signed by Ramón Calderón and for supposedly being a big team bottler who only bangs in his hat-tricks against the minnows. The Higuaín massive feel that Benzema is a lazy bum who will be forever be protected by Pérez with the Frenchman being a very personal signing by the Madrid president.

Whoever starts up front - and out wide - for Madrid in the Champions League should be more than enough to see off Lyon, with Mourinho admitting he is demanding two victories in the back-to-back matches with the French side to win the group as early as possible and rest players for the final games in preparation for the December Clásico clash.

An infinitely more interesting game is taking place in the northwest of England with the current group A dunces, Manchester City and Villarreal, facing off in a game both teams need to win. The odds are stacked against the Spanish visitors, given they are in dreadfully poor form having only managed the one victory in la Liga.

But Villarreal coach Juan Carlos Garrido is nothing but positive ahead of the game. “Nobody makes us favourites and we’ll try and to play with impudence and daring.”

That cheek and daring looks set to involve Villarreal lining up with five central midfielders - which must be some kind of record - with Cani, Jonathan de Guzman, Borja Valero, Bruno and Carlos Marchena all squeezed in behind Giuseppe Rossi up front.

With Villarreal set to be narrower than Jesús Navas’s traveling horizons, Tuesday night’s clash should be an easy peasy one for Roberto Mancini’s men.

Good Day, Bad Day: Outstanding Argentinians and failing Falcao

Tim Stannard — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:14:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Gonzalo Higuaín, Leo Messi
The awesome Argentinians have now scored 18 league goals between them this season. Both starred in comfortable victories for Real Madrid and Barcelona against Betis and Racing respectively, although the former made heavy weather of it in the first 45 minutes of their game at the Santiago Bernabeu on Saturday.

Despite Levante’s stubborn refusal to budge from their position wedged firmly between the pair, both teams are already starting to pull away from some of the chasing pack with Valencia and Málaga dropping points this weekend.

Tactically, the two sides are still different kettles of compost. Barcelona are patient and probing and thrive when playing against teams who park the bus; the same cannot be said for Madrid, who badly struggle against sides that sit back but are lethal on the counter-attack when a single mistake is made.

Levante
Technically speaking, all of Levante’s goals in their 3-0 win over Málaga were a little bit jammy. The first was a deflected shot from José Bakero, followed by a pounce on a rebounding free-kick for the second. The final goal was a weirdly bouncing ball making a goalkeeper looking a bit silly in a one-on-one. But Levante were still fully deserving of their victory over their rivals in the big chase for the Champions League places.

Considering Levante have now won five in a row and have the same points as Barcelona, LLL now feels at liberty to honour a brilliant campaign for the club.

Sevilla
Although Sevilla’s record of not conceding a league goal since round two went out the window on Sunday night, it was another win for Marcelino – a 2-1 victory against Sporting – to keep Sevilla ticking along very nicely indeed just two points from the top of the table.

Helder Postiga
The times that LLL has seen the Zaragoza striker in action this season, he has been terrible. Well, the one time that LLL has seen the Zaragoza striker in action this season, he was terrible. But Postiga popped up with two goals on Sunday, including a peach of a bicycle-kick for Zaragoza’s first in a 2-0 win over Real Sociedad.

Joaquín Caparrós
Mallorca’s last three goals in la Liga have come from penalties, which might make the Balearic side the only one in Spain who do not constantly claim that the refereeing gods are against them for everyone minute of every match. The last of those spot-kick strikes came in the final seconds of Mallorca’s 1-1 draw with Valencia – the first match in charge for Joaquín Caparrós, who has seen the limited footballing talent in the side and opted for super-sizing the “rolling up the sleeves, giving everything for 90 minutes” angle instead.

Granada
Nothing like the visit of Atlético Madrid to raise the spirits and give a side self-belief that they can compete in la Primera. That’s what Granada would have felt after picking up a point against the Rojiblancos. Indeed, the home side could have won the match if it weren’t for a pesky post getting in the way of a header from Ikechukwu Uche.

BAD DAY

Málaga
Manuel Pellegrini’s men never turned up at all for Sunday’s Levante game. Málaga would have been battered even without losing their goalkeeper to a first-half red card.

Valencia
A handy three away points were on the cards at Mallorca until the referee spotted Mehmet Topal's injury-time handball in the Valencia box. Technically, Paradas Romero was right in what he saw, but the eventual decision to award a penalty to Mallorca was wrong as it was a fast, driven ball striking the top of his arm and not the arm intercepting the ball. “The handball was involuntarily,” says Marca, agreeing with LLL for perhaps the first time ever.

Betis
A fine defensive effort in the first half was let down in the opening seconds of the second when the often wobbly Chica allowed Ronaldo to get a few yards on him. Among the team-mates trying manfully to keep the score respectable thereafter was Antonio Amaya, who spoke to LLL after the game. “We had a very complete first half but we knew that it wasn’t enough and that the most difficult part of the game was to come,” said the centre-back.

Falcao
A month ago, Atlético Madrid and free-scoring Falcao were kings of the world after the Colombian scored back-to-back hat-tricks against Racing and Sporting. “Falcao is the force that moves the world,” announced Marca. Since those wins there has been absolutely nada from Falcao – or indeed any of his team-mates, with Atlético failing to score in their last three league games.

Giuseppe Rossi, Dani Güiza
Part of the reason that Villarreal and Getafe are both struggling this season, with just two wins between them, is the failure of their front men to find the back of the net. Rossi has managed just the one strike from open play this year, and there was much looking to the heavens and frustrated shirt-nibbling after clearcut chances were blown in Saturday’s goalless draw against Getafe. It was the same situation for opposite number Dani Güiza, who has yet to score for the Coliseum club since returning from exile.

Rayo Vallecano
Vallecano coach José Sandoval and his players have been most up front in seeing the club’s form at their three-sided stadium as being key to the team’s survival chances. So far, the cunning plan hasn’t worked with Rayo yet to win in their three games in Madrid. The latest setback was a 1-0 defeat to Espanyol, but it was a loss the boss admitted they deserved: “We were not ourselves, we were not right from the first moment.”

Sporting
Yet another defeat for the bottom-of-the-table side, but there were signs of improvement for Sporting, which may just help Manuel Preciado keep his job for another week. “There are no signs that this team is dead,” grumbled the Sporting boss, hurriedly unzipping the body-bag.

La Preview: The ‘new Deportivo’ & Levante’s special snacks

Tim Stannard — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 09:42:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Mallorca (10th) v Valencia (5th) – 18.00 (local time)
LLL’s lonely life without Joaquín Caparrós didn’t last too long, thank the merciful gods. After leaving Athletic Bilbao over the summer with his presidential employer having lost an election, ‘Jokin’ moved to Switzerland and the madcap world of Neuchâtel Xamax.

That Alpine adventure was a brief one, what with the owner being barking mad, so Caparrós returned to Spain just in time to sneak his feet into Michael Laudrup’s expensive loafers after the Danish boss left Mallorca in quite a huff at the end of September.

Rather than players talking about how the ball has become the focus during training sessions, it seems that the new Mallorca manager has been getting his new squad to run around a lot and threatening to drop them at any time. What’s more, Caparrós has also learned a handy new trick in his short spell away from la Liga: the ability to bend time. “We guarantee we will give everything 25 hours a day, not 24,” promised the barmy Balearic boss.
LLL prediction: Away win

Getafe (17th) v Villarreal (12th) – 18.00
Ahead of the final match before the international break, José Mourinho threw his Real Madrid players a very public BBQ – a tasty feat that no doubt got Karim Benzema moving quicker than in years as he hunted hot sausage.

Noting the success of this meat-munching morale booster, Getafe boss Luis García tried the same approach with his failing footballers who sit just above the relegation zone on goal difference.

It may be hard to judge if this friendly flame-up actually worked: Getafe are playing poor old Villarreal, a side also suffering a tough start to the season – perhaps due to the summer departures of Joan Capdevila and Santi Cazorla, admits Marcos Senna. “The dressing room missed them. They brought a lot of joy every morning,” claimed the midfielder, who has now played 300 matches for Villarreal.
LLL prediction: Draw

Real Madrid (3rd) v Betis (7th) – 18.00
Betis boss Pepe Mel isn’t just a fine manager with a love of a natty green tie who got his team out of a second division hole last season and has lead the Andalusian side to a strong start to the new campaign. Pepe Mel is also a proper, grown-up author, having penned a thriller called The Liar which is set to be released this week.

The manager has revealed that the book has little to do with football despite his day-to-day profession and definitely isn’t referring to most of the shady characters who have been in charge of Betis over the past 20 years or so.
LLL prediction: Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Racing Santander (18th) – 20.00
Safe on the other side of the Med with Roma, Bojan Krkic has shown the kind of cojones and bravado that would have been handy during his time at Barcelona, which started so well and then fizzled away some what. The Serie A striker has joined the former Camp Nou forward pair of Samuel Eto’o and Zlatan Ibrahimovic in claiming that Pep Guardiola is not the all powerful, motivating, managerial genius that balding Barça boss clearly is.

“If Guardiola called now, then I wouldn’t answer,” sniffed Bojan on a very hypothetical situation indeed. “I decided to leave on the day of the Wembley final,” revealed the youngster on a matter that was probably out of his hands a long time before. “I knew I couldn’t start the game but when we were winning 3-1 after 75 minutes, I thought I’d play. We went a long time without talking,” whispered yet another striker who lost his ‘feeling’ with Guardiola.
LLL prediction: Home win

Granada (19th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) – 22.00
The poll published by AS this week on the likes and dislikes of supporters in regards to rival clubs saw Atlético Madrid come out reasonably well, with the Rojiblancos ending up in third place behind Barcelona and Real Madrid on the sexier side of the scale.

LLL, Mon 10 Oct: Poll reveals deep divide in Spanish fans' loyalties

“I believe that Atlético Madrid is a much-loved team that has never created enemies,” crowed club president Enrique Cerezo. “I feel that Atlético fans have always been respectful to everyone else, although there’s always a minority that isn’t,” said the Rojiblanco president, referring to the low-life scumbags who sang “oh, oh, oh, Puerta’s getting dizzy” during the recent clash with Sevilla in the Vicente Calderón.
LLL prediction: Away win

SUNDAY

Rayo Vallecano (13th) v Espanyol (15th) – 12.00
Despite the club having a stadium that is falling apart somewhat, has just three sides, awful sight-lines for fans, no mixed zone and a terrible pitch that the manager has said will cost the team points this season, Rayo president has stuck his neck out to complain that Madrid’s third side should host a Spain match in the near future.

“We want to be respected like other teams. Others are given financial help and we aren’t. Spain plays at other grounds but not in Vallecas,” stropped Raúl Martín, lobbing toys in the direction of the Spanish FA headquarters.
LLL prediction: Home win

Zaragoza (14th) v Real Sociedad (9th) – 16.00
Just when la Real’s French winger Antoine Griezmann had eked his way back into the supporters’ good books after pushing heavily for a move to Atlético Madrid over the summer, it seems that the midfielder is going to have to start all over again having told France Football that he sees his future away from San Sebastian.

“What Griezmann has to do is get back to his best form, do his talking on the pitch and score goals. And of course fulfill the contract he has with us until 2015,” said displeased Real Sociedad president Jokin Aperribay in response.
LLL prediction: Draw

Levante (2nd) v Málaga (4th) – 18.00
Four wins in a row, no defeats, beating Real Madrid and with just three goals conceded makes Levante the team of the season so far in Spain – heck, team of the season in the whole wide world. To explain how one of the poorest sides in la Liga and a squad stuffed with old fogies ends up on the same number of points as one of the richest in Barcelona, Levante’s head of medical services Rafael Plaza popped up to explain all.

“An old squad brings a greater risk of injuries but also experience,” said the doc, who revealed that the footballers often chow down on pizza and paella on the team bus home after games. Special mention was made of Levante’s 36-year-old defender Sergio Ballesteros, a veteran footballer who has a campaign to have him called up to la Selección. “It’s rare for him in training to do the kind of runs he did against Ronaldo. He knows exactly when he should use this resource and when he should rest it,” said Plaza.
LLL prediction: Away win

Sevilla (6th) v Sporting (20th) – 22.00
Having sat through a goalless draw against Atlético Madrid in the last round at the Vicente Calderón and the two 1-0 wins for Sevilla, LLL suspects that Marcelino’s men way well be the new Deportivo. But with a defence. Sevilla will need to stick a few past bottom-of-the-table Sporting on Sunday if they are to avoid this branding by the blog.
LLL prediction: Home win

MONDAY

Athletic Bilbao (16th) v Osasuna (11th) – 21.00
José Luis Mendilbar is taking his Pamplona players to a club where he was both a player and coach. The Osasuna manager has also noticed the tactical changes under newbie boss Marcelo Bielsa, who's in the opposite dugout on Monday night. “It’s true that they push forward more. It’s daring. They almost want to play in the opponent’s half.”

And as for whether Mendilibar will have any special feelings on returning to Athletic Bilbao, the Osasuna manager claims that “it’s not just any club,” but that “when I go to San Mamés, I forget it’s Athletic and during the week I study the rival and dedicate myself to preparing to win the game.”
LLL prediction: Home win

Spain face Euro 2012 with Silva lining

Tim Stannard — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 11:31:00 GMT

It would appear that yet another attribute of the calm, collected and possibly frequently napping Vicente del Bosque is that the Spain manager isn't one to hold a grudge. Well, not when it’s not completely justified.

A story in Marca claims that Florentino Pérez is offering Del Bosque a golden insignia trinket next month as Real Madrid's official recognition for Spain’s World Cup win… but the manager may not turn up to collect it.

And who could blame the moustachioed genius for this suggested snub, considering it was president Pérez’s brilliant idea not to renew Del Bosque’s contract in 2003, despite the coach having won his second league title the day before and two Champions League titles in the preceding three years.

“He was not the right coach for the future," Pérez told the BBC at the time. "We are looking for another type of squad management, more technical from the point of view of strategy of tactics.” Real Madrid subsequently went three seasons without winning la Liga and didn't get past the Champions League quarter-finals until last season, by which time Del Bosque had added a World Cup to his CV.

The manager may have taken a similar position with David Silva after the Man City man’s grumbles last month that he was being unfairly treated by Del Bosque. “I was the only victim of the defeat against Switzerland, and it’s been more or less the same since,” complained the Canary Islander. “I’m a secondary actor.”

“Silva the Superstar”, as Marca brand him on Wednesday morning, put on a full-on Oscar-winning psychopath-portrayal performance against Scotland to put himself back into the Spanish spotlight. According to those geeky types who know and care deeply about tactics, Silva played as a ‘false No.9’ – a bit like Leo Messi, apparently. To LLL, Silva was all over the front three and bagged two goals to boot in the victory over Scotland. “Ten points without a nine,” purred AS.

“I’m happy with my club and with Spain,” said Silva after the game. “I have always dedicated myself to playing football, so from now on people can keep talking.” As Marca’s match report beamed: “The magnificent Spanish midfielder announced his position on the global front as one of the best players of the year and reinforced his role with authority in the national team and offered an excellent alternative to Del Bosque: the team can play perfectly well without an old-fashioned striker.”

That's probably very bad news indeed for Fernando Torres, who watched the match from the bench and continues to be the subject of great debate in Spain as to whether he deserves a ticket to Euro 2012. “You can only play with 11 and make three changes,” announced Del Bosque after the game on why Torres did not feature in the 3-1 win in Alicante.

Although Scotland had their moments, especially in the second half when Spain began to lose a little shape and zip, the visitors were never in the game. “I don’t see any team in Europe capable of playing with the speed and precision of Spain,” admitted Scotland manager Craig Levein.

Despite a defeat that leaves the Scots with a free choice of poolside sun loungers next June, AS's Tomás Roncero saw one positive for Tuesday’s opponents. “Their team has no football, but it has heart. What’s more, they know how to drink their beer with admirable enthusiasm.”

Indeed, after Spain wrapped up a qualifying campaign in which eight wins from eight helped the world champions equal France and Holland’s record of 14 consecutive victories in competitive matches, Roncero is of a good cheer all round: “Football was invented in Great Britain. A century and a half later, Spain have invented fútbol.”

That contention, if not that record, is set to be tested next month. La Selección’s next stop is Wembley for a clash against England – the latest team with the unenviable aim of stopping the strong favourites to win Euro 2012.

Pep’s pleas for peace ignored by Barça bosses

Tim Stannard — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 12:21:00 GMT

Like a Getafe fan club meeting, Pep Guardiola is a lonely voice crying out in the darkness. A couple of weeks ago, the Barça boss pleaded for institutional peace at the Camp Nou between his current and former presidents – but Joan Laporta’s threat to take civil and legal action against Sandro Rosell and his buddies on the Barcelona board suggests that this appeal has fallen on deaf ears.

Laporta announced on Monday that he was seeking redress against the board and what he president sees as a hostile media organisation, Grupo Godó, owners of La Vanguardia and El Mundo Deportivo.

“They (the directors) have tried to create suspicion, build a lie in their own interest to put people clearly against everything we did,” declared conspiracy buff Laporta, currently facing legal action himself stemming from alleged losses and some overspending during his spell as the Camp Nou president.

AS’s Barcelona correspondent Santi Giménez perfectly sums up the Laporta v Rosell feud and has his own solution: “They're like insufferable children that fight all the time. They deserve to go to bed without dinner.” Knowing Laporta’s love of a good meal, that’s certainly a strong deterrent, if unlikely to happen any time soon.

Ironically – or possibly coincidentally, LLL is never too sure – the former Barcelona president was announcing legal action on the same day that he was in court on other business related to his Camp Nou kingship. Turkish agent Bayram Tutumlu is suing Laporta over what he claims are unpaid commissions owed by Laporta’s law firm for a bit of business with Uzbek club Bunyodkor.

Laporta admitted in court that a deal brought in €10m “consultancy services” for his firm and €3m for Barcelona. However, he denied that any such agreement was ever made with Tutumlu.

"The invoices to Zeromax were for different services and consultancies over a period of three years," testified Laporta. "I have never done a deal with Tutumlu. I met with him on two occasions, out of politeness. I had already been warned that he was an opportunist who liked intrigue and it is exactly what he did.

“We did a very good deal for five years for two friendlies – the second never took place – and a stadium.” The 2008 deal between Bunyodkor and Barça prompted Leo Messi, Carles Puyol, Andrés Iniesta, Samuel Eto’o and Cesc Fabregas to hold some training sessions in Uzbekistan.

Bunyodkor is nominally owned by Miradil Djalalov, who is the head of Zeromax, the Swiss-based company with which Laporta’s law firm were doing business. Laporta insists that the business and football sides were quite separate.

Not believing this for a second is Mundo Deportivo's JM Artells, who writes that “the supposed utilisation of the presidency of Barça to gain personal profit is one of the suspicions that Laporta could not avoid.”

The other bit of fluff and stuff floating around the Catalan capital is the predictably smug reaction from the survey published in Monday’s AS, claiming that Barcelona were the most popular club in Spain among la Liga’s fans – results that would no doubt have been dismissed as a crazed Madrid media conspiracy had another certain team topped the chart.

LA LIGA LOCA, Mon 10 Oct: Poll reveals deep divide in la Liga loyalties

“Guardiola’s Barça is the team in fashion for their spectacular football and titles won. Mourinho’s Madrid has become an unpopular team booed in a lot of grounds,” smirked Josep Maria Casanovas. Mundo Deportivo joined in the taunting, with Miguel Rico writing that “Madrid, as rich as they may be, live from day to day squandering the fortune of their much cared-for image.”

What Madrid needed in response to the poll results that also made their club the most unpopular was a true champion, brave of heart and pure of soul. And they got just this in the form of the majestic Tomás Roncero, writing in AS that “there’s another poll that could not be done. The one in every house, every bar, every shop, every train station, every old people’s home and students’ resident.”

The results of that would show overwhelming support, says Roncero, who proclaims that this group “form a silent army that is waiting and will fill the streets when the tenth European Cup comes.”

Tomás Roncero, LLL salutes you.

Poll reveals deep divide in Spanish fans' loyalties

Tim Stannard — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 13:51:00 GMT

The international break in Spain is normally dull at the best of times, but especially so this last week, what with Vicente Del Bosque’s men having qualified for Euro 2012 way back in 2007.

As a result, Friday’s match against the Czech Republic was a fairly muted affair, save for Spain giving their opponents a bit of a chance by starting with Fernando Torres up front in the 2-0 win.

Most papers in the country's two media black holes tend use this break in hostilities to remind their readers about how great their respective teams are (as if that were ever necessary) or completely make up transfer stories. But AS have gone and hoiked tradition through the window and done something genuinely interesting by publishing a poll of the most loved and hated teams in la Liga.

The poll, published in Monday’s edition, was performed by Ikerfel using 1,400 one-on-one interviews conducted at the 20 grounds of la Primera over September. And the results threw up results both surprising and predictable.

Barcelona are officially the most popular team in la Primera with 18% of votes compared to Real Madrid’s 17%. Pep’s Dream Boys also picked up most number of votes for everyone’s second-favourite team, with 21% compared to Real Madrid's 16%.

Overall, 44% of those questioned put Barcelona in their top three favourites, followed by Madrid with 37%. In the overall popularity stakes, Atlético Madrid, Athletic Bilbao, Betis and Valencia completed the top five.

But before the big two can get too proud of themselves [Too late – Ed.], both teams are also the most hated by other supporters. Real Madrid top that tree with 39% followed by Barcelona with 30% (51% had Real Madrid in the top three hated teams, Barcelona managed 40%). Next up are Sevilla – already the No.1 hate figure for Málaga and Betis fans, but increasingly widely unpopular – with 8% of fans disliking the cut of their jib.

The individual club-by-club breakdown of loves and hates betrays regional rivalries, historical oddities, the "my enemy’s enemy" idea and a number of cuddly non-threatening factors. Take Real Madrid, whose supporters’ other favourite teams are Getafe, Rayo and Espanyol.

The Barça fans obviously like a bit of Basque with Athletic Bilbao coming top of the second-favourite poll, followed by Atlético Madrid (see also Real Madrid / Espanyol) and then Real Sociedad tied with Valencia. The love is less mutual in one part of that east-coast city: Levante fans most dislike Barcelona while most liking Real Madrid.

One peculiar result sees Villarreal most hated by Mallorca fans, the whopping 79% result reflecting the constant Balearic whining about Villarreal ‘stealing’ the club’s Europa League place last season when UEFA excluded Mallorca for going into administration. Villarreal, on the other hand, have a strong dislike for Real Madrid followed by Valencia and Barcelona.

Getafe don't like Racing at all, due to the Cantabrians being a bit moany about them ever since a 2008 Copa Del Rey incident when Getafe scored with a Racing player on the ground.

The results reflect the bipolar nature of la Liga in cold, hard statistics. Whilst the other 18 teams have their fans and feuds – even Granada ended up in some supporters’ top three disliked clubs – there is more or less a 50-50 split between those who either hate or love Spain’s big two. And that’s something that probably isn’t going to change any time soon.

Mourinho feels full force of Spanish FA, as Ronaldo wows with spectacular ceremony

Tim Stannard — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 10:44:00 GMT

Moral outrage, rare but admirable sarcasm and a spot of burying heads in the sand. These have been the main reactions in the Spanish press to the brutal sanctions handed out by a doddering old codger to José Mourinho and Tito Vilanova as a result of ‘Finger-gate’ - the moment the Madrid manager jabbed his digit into the eye of the Barcelona assistant during the second leg of the Spanish Super Cup final nearly two months ago.

The sole judge on the Spanish FA’s Competition Committee, the 85-year-old Alfredo Flórez, cogitated for 49 days before handing out a two match suspension to Mourinho and a one game ban for Vilanova. To make sure both parties really felt the hard sting of his dark glove of justice across their botties, it was decided that these bans would only apply to Spanish Super Cup games. Both parties were also hit with €600 fines, with Madrid and Barcelona as institutions also suffering penalties of €180 and €90 respectively.

“The non-existence of the injury and lack of conclusive proof of the desire to wound on the part of Señor Mourinho,” was the official reason why something more severe was not the response to an incident that even hoodie-hugging Guardian readers would admit should result in a public flogging for the perpetrator (or perpetrators depending on if you believe Florentino’s defence of extreme provocation from the Barça bench).

Not surprisingly, the Catalan press got rather uppity about the verdict, with the front cover of Sport branding the punishment as “a disgrace” - a condemnation shared by Mundo Deportivo. Writing inside the former, Lluís Mascaró apparently agrees with the Spanish FA’s draconian measures and that “Tito Vilanova has been justly punished with a one match suspension for having placed his eye onto Mou’s finger.” “A just punishment that serves as an example,” sarks Mascaró.

Jose didn't appreciate Flórez's eye-for-an-eye punishment...

Santi Nolla, writing in Mundo Deportivo, wafts a finger - the very thing that got Mourinho into trouble in the first place - in Florentino Pérez’s powerful direction and claims that “Flórez is the only judge but he didn’t take the decision alone. He was pressured. No doubt.”

Even AS suggest that the fairly non-existent punishment handed down for a very existent crime whiffs a bit. “A political penalty” notes Thursday’s headline. “Justice wasn’t done, politics was,” writes Alfredo Relaño, the paper’s editor.

Marca have generally ignored the affair and have gone into journalistic la-la land during the international break. Wednesday’s edition boats of José Mourinho’s “football lessons at half-time” - those present at the recent Racing and Levante c*ck-ups may raise an eyebrow - with the paper quoting one source in the dressing room claiming he felt Mourinho could see the future.

A day later Marca once again poured over the pre-match rituals of the squad, and stunned its readership with revelations regarding music being played on the team coach, some players going onto the pitch before the warm-up and others choosing not to. The showpiece moment that really greased Marca’s goolies was Cristiano Ronaldo jumping very high into the air when running onto the pitch. “The most spectacular ceremony” sighs the love-struck paper, before accusing Sami Khedira, Xabi Alonso and Raúl Albíol of being “strange” for having no superstitions or rituals at all.

Meanwhile, Hugo Sánchez has continued his eternal campaign to become Real Madrid manager one day with a fine spot of butt-crawling by praising Florentino’s appointment of The Special One. “Madrid need a coach like Mourinho to get back the values they had been losing,” purred the wannabe Bernabeu boss.

If Sánchez really does want to take over at Real Madrid, he may want to consider a more direct approach to get Florentino Pérez’s attention. Like poking the club president in the eye perhaps. After all, it’s now become perfectly acceptable behaviour in la Liga.

Catalan press pour scorn on Madridista conspiracy talk, as Jose wins pointless prize

Tim Stannard — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 11:03:00 GMT

“It’s a scandal!” screamed headline on the front cover of Tuesday’s Mundo Deportivo, alongside a picture of a grinning Leo Messi sitting on his backside.

“What’s a scandal?” thought La Liga Loca, trying to put itself into the heads of the MD journalists - not a fantastic place to be, even for a few seconds.

After shivering uncontrollably in a corner for ten minutes after the experience, the blog gave up and looked inside the paper to see what was cooking MD’s chicken just two days into the traditional whack-job fest in the Spanish media calendar - the international break.

The paper has been returning to the scene of what they see as a crime committed against the Catalan collective against Sporting - a ‘scandalous’ penalty that apparently should have been awarded to Leo Messi. MD has used this refereeing failure to throw the ‘Villarato’ accusation back into the howling faces of the Madridista press.

For those lucky enough not to know, the ‘Villarato’ is the rather tiresome theory cooked up by AS that the Spanish FA president, Angel María Villar, has been working behind the scenes both in Spain and with UEFA to make sure Pep’s Dream Boys come out on top at every opportunity.

To counter this theory - one which a large chunk of the Madrid fanbase actually believe - the paper notes that since Florentino Pérez came to power two years ago, Madrid have been awarded 23 penalties to Barça’s paltry eight.

MD's J.M. Artells, writing in Tuesday's edition, fumes that Mourinho - of course - is behind the current anti-Barça nature of the league’s referees. “It seems very clear Mourinho with his noisy manner is winning the media battle over referees.

“The Portuguese still has his punishment outstanding for the finger poke at Tito Vilanova,” continued Artells.

Over in Capital City, Marca have used the pause in domestic football hostilities to celebrate their annual awards based on last season’s performances - prizes which used to be mostly handed to Raúl before the forward fell out of favour with Florentino Pérez and was shunted on to Schalke.

In an epic 27-page feature, Marca details how Cristiano Ronaldo won the top scorer award and Alvaro Negredo picked up the best Spanish striker prize. The Barça pair of Víctor Valdés and Leo Messi won the trinkets for best keeper and player respectively.

No arguments there from LLL. But what was slightly eye-opening - no Tito Vilanova pun intended - was that José Mourinho managed to win the best Primera manager title thanks to a superior Marca-awarded points total over the season, despite Pep Guardiola’s landing the double for his team. And winning the Primera itself.

“He won everyone over with his charisma” gasped the paper on the Madrid manager who was “elegantly dressed,” for the affair.

“I’m surprised I won,” said Mourinho, who was not alone in this, “as every time I look at the paper on Monday I see that I only get one point.”

How apt. An apparently near pointless Mourinho winning an extremely pointless prize...

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça move to top of table as Spain loses sleep

Tim Stannard — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:59:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona
A hands-up confession from La Liga Loca to kick things off. For the first half of the Barcelona game on Sunday, the blog was trying to get home from the Vicente Calderón at the same time as 55,000 supporters who had the same idea. Though they were going to their own homes, obviously.
For the second half the blog was trying to rid itself of the memory of much of Atlético Madrid’s goalless draw against Sevilla. But from what LLL can now recall, Barcelona piddled around a bit, Sporting were plucky and that was about it. However, it was more than enough on the night with Pep’s Dream Boys bumping Betis off the top of the table with a 1-0 win.

Levante
A victory over Betis - the side’s fourth in a row - to move into second place had even José Mourinho claiming them to be the story of the weekend. Levante may have a back five with a combined age older than the universe itself, and scored just eight goals, but the team have the best defensive record conceding just three and, alongside Barcelona and Sevilla, are the only team in la Primera to remain unbeaten.

Gonzalo Higuaín
LLL must confess to being a huge Pipita fan due to his hard work, talent, sunny demeanor and that the happy fact that the striker really isn’t liked that much by either Florentino Pérez or Marca due to the forward being a Ramón Calderón signing who has managed to survive previous culls. So it was a good night for both the blog and the Argentinean with Higuaín scoring a hat-trick in what was a very comfortable 4-0 victory over Espanyol for Real Madrid.

Málaga
There must have been some fist-shaking and foul-mouthed foaming in the Manuel Pellegrini-hating Marca offices on Saturday night, with Málaga just a couple of minutes away from losing 2-1 at home to Getafe before managing to snatch a late victory.
It was Enzo Maresca who popped up with a scrambled effort to peg Getafe back to 2-2. That strike was followed by a fantastic bicycle-kick from Julio ‘the Beast’ Baptista - not an inconsiderable feat from the forward who looks like he has been putting the ‘e’, ‘a’ and ‘t’ into his moniker of late. The 3-2 victory made Málaga the temporary league leaders on Saturday night before being usurped by the mighty Levante.

Ruud van Nistelrooy
A header from two yards out - under some pressure from a jostling defender, it must be said - gives the Dutchman his first league goal for Málaga after six starts.

Pedro León
The midfielder’s Getafe side may have been late losers to Getafe in the end but a wonderful 30 yard left-footed whack from Pedro León gave the former Real Madrid man his first goal in la Liga since the 8th May 2010.

Sergio Canales
The three points from their 1-0 win over Granada were ones Valencia manager Unai Emery claimed with some relief would be rather important at the end of the season, as his Mestalla men were a little flat on Saturday, especially in front of goal. The one star performer was another former Real Madrid man - like Pedro León - in the shape of Sergio Canales, who drilled in a left-footed strike from the edge of the box after three minutes to give Valencia the victory.

Sevilla
Marcelino’s sneaky old things have now gone unbeaten in their six league outings this season and haven’t conceded a goal in four games - quite an achievement considering the flaky Martín Cáceres is in the heart of the defence. The goalless draw against Atlético was dreadful in the first half, with a bag of niggly fouls and players throwing themselves about with great enthusiasm.
The match improved marginally in the second and it was only due to the work of Thibaud Courtois and Javi Varas in the two goals that the game remained goalless after great saves from Manu del Moral and Falcao respectively.

Raul García
The on-loan Atlético Madrid midfielder is the new Walter Pandiani - but without the snarling lunacy - for Osasuna with two headers from two corners in a 2-2 draw with Mallorca who picked up two iffy penalties for their strikes. García has now scored three goals in the past two games for Osasuna, which is quite bizarre considering it’s two more than the Rojiblanco man managed in his past two extremely uninspiring seasons at the Vicente Calderón.

Iñigo Martínez
The weekend saw a David Beckham-esque strike from the Real Sociedad central defender, who belted in a stormer of a shot from a couple of feet inside his own half. A massive 53 metres from the opposition goal, in fact. “The best goal in the history of Anoeta. A perfect strike,” tweeted a watching Xabi Alonso.

Mallorca
Although the club are without a manager following Michael Laudrup’s departure, a point at Osasuna moves the Balearic club into the top ten.

Racing Santander, Rayo Vallecano
Two sides who really couldn’t afford to lose on Saturday made sure that they didn’t after pinging out a 1-1 draw in El Sardinero.

Roberto
The Zaragoza keeper has arguably been the best in la Primera at the start of the season. Roberto had to be on top form again to keep out a Villarreal side who were probing away in the second half. Zaragoza may have conceded 13 goals, but it would have been an awful lot more had Roberto not been between the sticks.

Fernando Llorente
A much better vibe in the previously down-in-the-dumps Athletic camp after Thursday’s Europa League win against PSG and now a 2-1 victory against la Real Sociedad in a hot, sticky Basque derby at midday on Sunday. The local rivalry certainly seemed to inspire the visitors into showing flashes of their ‘Jokin’ Caparrós form under the manager, Marcelo Biesla. That was certainly the case with Fernando Llorente, the scorer of Athletic’s two goals - a player whose relief at leading his team to their first league win of the season was evident as he lay on the grass waving his fists in the air in glee at the final whistle.

Bad Day

Betis
Back-to-back defeats to Getafe and now Levante have taken the wind out of the sails of the good ship Betis. Manager Pepe Mel though has put everything into perspective a little by reminding everyone that “the team have got 12 points from six games. I’d take that for the next ones and the next ones.”

Villarreal
Roberto or no Roberto, Villarreal really should be polishing off sides like Zaragoza in El Madrigal. “Other sides are scoring against us too easily and this makes things difficult,” admitted Juan Carlos Garrido. “Rivals are causing a lot of damage with very little and this has to change.”

Radamel Falcao
The 5-0 thrashing by Barcelona seems to have knocked the stuffing out of the Atlético striker, who began his spell at the Vicente Calderón in some style. The Columbian forward is now without a goal in three matches in la Liga and Europe.

Granada
A lack of firepower up front - and getting the ball to what striking talent they do have in their ranks - is costing Granada badly. A third 1-0 defeat - this time to Villarreal - shows that the defence is fairly tight. It’s the two goals scored from six games that are the problem.

Getafe
A positive result against Betis blown completely on Saturday after Getafe conceded two goals late on to lose all three points in Málaga. “The dressing room is really down, but we’ve got to pick ourselves up,” admitted Getafe boss, Luis García.

Medhi Lacen
The Getafe midfielder managed to get himself sent off for arguing with the referee despite the man-in-the-middle allowing a handball goal by his teammate Miku to stand. The grumpy Getafe goat then booted the ball into a pitch-side official before flouncing off down the tunnel.

A good night’s sleep
Matches finishing on Sunday at nearly midnight. Enough is enough.

La Preview: Mallorca give Laudrup the elbow as Betis look to extend stay at the top

Tim Stannard — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 07:30:00 GMT

Saturday

Osasuna (12th) v Mallorca (11th) - 18.00 (local time)
Probably the least surprising managerial change of the season saw Michael Laudrup agreeing terms to leave Mallorca earlier in the week. Supporters of the now ex-boss say he was never backed in the transfer market by club VP and majority shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, and missed out on a forward due to administrative blunder - an error the Dane was fairly critical of to make choppy waters between the pair even...er...choppier.
Laudrup’s enemies in the Balearic battle-ground will declare good riddance to the Dane pointing to a terrible second half to last season that almost ended in relegation for Mallorca, as well as the unimpressive also-rans Laudrup opted to bring in over the summer when actually allowed to sign players.
The inevitable happened on Tuesday when the manager’s assistant, Erik Larsen, left the club having called Serra Ferrer “a bad person”.
“I’ll buy a dinner for anyone who can find something good to say about him.” The unsurprisingly immediate departure of the number two in light of these comments was followed by the number one with Laudrup making it quite clear who was to blame. “Four years ago, when the current maximum shareholder of Mallorca was coach of Betis he said ‘Betis will be what Lopera wants it to be’. That applies here now. Mallorca will be what Serra Ferrer wants it to be.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (14th) v Zaragoza (15th) - 18.00
Spain’s horrendously high unemployment rate was reduced by one this week, when kindly Zaragoza gave a hard-working fella a job. The former Deportivo defensive midfielder Antonio Tomás has been picked up by Zaragoza and given a squad number, with the player claiming at Thursday’s unveiling that he is “tactical, calm, hard work and will bring effort and passion.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (18th) v Rayo Vallecano (13th) - 18.00
While the Rayo ground staff are working away to improve the state of Rayo Vallecano’s bobbly pitch - a surface manager José Sandoval has claimed is going to cost his team points this season - the stadium itself has gone through a metamorphosis.
Rayo’s home still only has three sides and has folk living inside of it, the name has been changed in a supporters’ vote from the previous title of the ‘Teresa Rivero’ stadium - named after the wife of the head of the Ruiz-Mateos clan, the former owners who are currently going through a few legal issues over corruption. Again.
But once the club can afford some paint or some big sticky letters, Rayo’s ground will officially be called from this day forth the ‘Estadio de Vallecas’.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Valencia (7th) v Granada (17th) - 20.00
In what seems to be one of those stick-the-finger-in-the-air-and-guess studies - a process that’s always been most popular in Spanish football finance - the Granada Chamber of Commerce has had a stab at estimating the income brought in to the city thanks to the local football club’s promotion to la Primera.
That magic figure is thought to be a handy €7 million a year to the city’s fine restaurants, hotels and bars and €28 million overall. No pressure from the locals for another campaign of top flight football, then...
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (6th) v Getafe (16th) - 22.00
Despite bringing in a bunch of new names causing a heck of a change to Málaga’s starting line-up, one position that hasn’t seen movement is that of Willy Caballero in goal. And that’s not likely to change in the immediate future as the Argentine keeper who turned 30 on Wednesday has let in just two goals - the best record in la Primera. “If goals aren’t conceded then it’s the work of the whole team,” said a generous Willy.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Real Sociedad (9th) v Athletic Bilbao (19th) - 12.00
A midday kick-off on Sunday may have taken a little of the drunken fun out of the Basque derby for the fans in the stands but la Real’s Antoine Griezmann has done his bit in trying to set a fire under the tie, nonetheless.
The French winger has quite a lot of hard, brown-nosing work to do try and get back in the good books with the San Sebastian faithful after attempting but failing to get a move to Atlético Madrid over the summer. So it’s no wonder that the cocky young tyke is predicting a 3-0 for la Real and “three goals for me.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Betis (1st) v Levante (3rd) - 16.00
To show exactly how odd it feels to have Betis at the top of la Liga after five games, LLL’s eyes instinctively moved to the bottom of the table to find the league position of the club before it remembered with a sudden rush where the Seville side sat in la Primera. And that’s quite comfortably above everyone else despite a 1-0 defeat to Getafe on Monday night.
Betis coach, Pepe Mel - a cross between Peter Griffin from Family Guy and Rafa Benítez - reckons first place is where is team is going to remain for the trip to the Santiago Bernabeu in a fortnight’s time. “We’re going to go there as leaders. We have enough to win our next game although it’s against a good team.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Sevilla (4th) - 18.00
There’s a hint of a Spanish international flavour about Sevilla’s forward line these days, with Jesús Navas, Alvaro Negredo and Diego Perotti all starring for Marcelino’s men. Yes, technically, Perotti is Argentinean born and bred, but that hasn’t stopped Vicente Del Bosque dreaming, claim AS.
The paper reports the Spain manager is so impressed with the Sevilla player that he has called for a thorough probing into whether Perotti could be called up to la Furia Roja. Although Perotti has played in two friendlies for Argentina, he has yet to be called up for an official game. What’s more, the wide man became a Spanish citizen in January in what Del Bosque sees as a very promising move.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sporting (20th) v Barcelona (2nd) - 20.00
Somewhere out in the wider world there’s a super-computer working out Leo Messi’s various goal tallies and assists per game, week, month and season. It whirred into life on Saturday and Wednesday when little Leo put three past a hopeless Atlético Madrid and then two more past a really hopeless BATE Borisov, with the little fella looking rather apologetic about the whole business.
Messi’s five strikes helped make him Barcelona's joint-second top goalscorer of all time, with the Argentinean equalling Ladislao Kubala's 194 strikes on Wednesday evening. The forward still has a solid four months of work to do before notching the 42 additional goals it will take to surpass the record total of Barça goals set by César, though. Bottom-of-the-table Sporting should help out on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (10th) v Real Madrid (5th) - 22.00
It’s been ‘have a pop at Real Madrid week’ over the past few days for some of the club’s ghosts of the past. The most ghoulish of those was ex-president, Ramón Calderón, who appeared in the Catalan media - always something that will win him fans in Madrid - saying; “I think the club has an owner called Jorge Mendes, the agent of six or seven players at Madrid. At the moment, Florentino is a puppet, it’s incredible.”
One of the former president’s managers, Bernd Schuster, also made the news by commenting on matters concerning Mordor’s favourite team. “Giving the side time is ridiculous. It’s a team that’s been together for a year,” opined the unsympathetic German. “The team is as it is with its highs and lows. I’m interested to know if they are capable of improving in the big games in the Champions League and against Barcelona.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Kaká resurrected as Mata returns to Mestalla as ‘the enemy’

Tim Stannard — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 09:10:00 GMT

In a way, the Madrid press are like ratings-hungry soap opera writers. They love nothing more than killing off footballers 'for good', only to then bring them back to life in an improbable fashion.

The latest player to make a miraculous return is Kaká, who like team-mate Karim Benzema before him has been buried, dug up, prodded with sticks and declared to be “alive!” Dr. Frankenstein-style after an impressive showing and a goal in Tuesday’s 3-0 Champions League win over Ajax.

“Kaká at last!” screams the front cover of AS, with Tomás Roncero declaring that “Kaká is back again.” Even the paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño, muses over “one step more in his rehabilitation and his credibility.”

La Liga Loca tends to assess the victory that gives Madrid six points from six in the same manner as Marca, who fuss about the side’s “three blows to the jaw.” The first 20 minutes saw Ajax looking very comfortable indeed with their fancy, Dutch, passing football ways.

But then a wonderful sweeping move put Real Madrid into a 1-0 lead, and helped kill off the opposition threat. It was the kind of goal Ajax manager, Frank de Boer, had feared before the match, but as the Amsterdam club’s Icelandic striker Kolbeinn Sigthorsson told LLL, there wasn’t too much that could be done about it.

“They are so quick and can play one touch across the whole pitch. We had to take care when we had corners but they showed they have quality and are really good on the counter. We’re disappointed they scored almost three goals on the counter-attack, it’s something we really wanted to stop before the match.”

AS also warn that Real Madrid fans should not get too excited with the pleasing end-to-end stylings of the team as deployed against the very offensive-minded Rayo and Ajax, as “they will have rivals again that close up like Racing and Levante and it will not be so easy.”

Villarreal had another tough night with a second defeat in their Champions League group. The 2-0 loss to Napoli in Italy saw some rather slack defending to allow Marek Hamsik to take the lead after 15 minutes. But that was nothing compared to the very, very, very slack defending and rampantly generous donating of the ball to Napoli that resulted in a penalty to the Italians, duly converted by Edinson Cavani.

“It was two presents, two accidents that made the game,” complained Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido.

Pep’s Dream Boys are in the workers paradise of Belarus to face BATE, but the dominant theme of the pre-match build-up is not how Barcelona are going to get round the tractor that will probably be parked in front of their goal, but more rumblings over Guardiola’s public support of former club president, Joan Laporta.

“I’m aware, I’m 40 and left home at 13,” was the reminder from Guardiola to both his mother asking as to the cleanliness of his underpants and the Spanish press pack on the repercussions of his comments. “I know what I said and what could happen," he added.

“I’m a friend of both...I think Laporta and Rosell are two sides of the same coin,” explained the Barça coach, denying that a damaging rift had been opened between his current and former bosses.

While Barcelona’s trip to the former Eastern Bloc is somewhat of a curiosity, the really tasty action on Wednesday is to be found in Mestalla, where Juan Mata will return with spanking new club, Chelsea. However there will be no warm hand on the forward’s entrance, at least according to Valencia manager Unai Emery. “Any player dressed in blue is our enemy,” growled the Los Che coach.

The other notable duel on the Spanish east coast is that pitting Fernando Torres against Roberto Soldado to see which striker can miss the most sitters and do the most to make it a good night for Alvaro Negredo in the battle to be David Villa’s number two for la Furia Roja.

Bernabeu set for a face-lift as Barça move one step closer to a 'hidden war'

Tim Stannard — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:17:00 GMT

Both Barcelona and Real Madrid can claim to have been more than entertaining in their respective weekend victories. The first 15 seconds at the Santiago Bernabeu, for example, were particularly compelling.

And both clubs also delivered in their own special ways on the traditionally fusty, dusty institutional level. Normally a day spent watching pompous, boastful men in their 50s, jangling their jowls whilst talking endlessly about finances and waving voting cards is as skull-dentingly tortuous as a 2010/11 Deportivo season highlights DVD. But with Barça and Real Madrid involved, one never quite knows what’s going to happen when the club’s big bosses get down and dirty in their annual assemblies with their members.

Perhaps less so at Real Madrid since the departure of Ramón Calderón, whose alleged vote-rigging (strongly denied by the former president) during the club’s 2008 General Assembly eventually forced his resignation.

In a carefully controlled event on Sunday, Florentino Pérez proposed a number of measures to the club’s ‘compromisarios’ - those given the power to approve accounts and what-not - and saw them all passed with flying colours. What’s more, the Madrid president lumped all of his chips on José Mourinho, heaping praise on the pokey Portuguese despite also declaring with some gusto that “the values of Real Madrid are clean play, effort, sacrifice, respect and the fight against injustice.”

“There’s no doubt that Madrid is with Mourinho, and so is the president, the directors, the Assembly and the socio,” wrote AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, whose paper trumpeted a 42 second ovation given by the those present to the maverick Madrid manager.

Roberto Gómez - who has always been a Capello/Calderón kind of guy - provided what was a rare slice of criticism in the Madrid press, with the observation that the speech “did not explain the exorbitant ticket prices, the season ticket rises, Mourinho’s constant criticisms of referees and committees.”

The speech did however suggest Florentino shares his manager’s suspicions that UEFA were out to do everything in their power to ensure Barcelona won the 2011 Champions League. “If we didn’t win it last season it wasn’t because of us, we did everything to win it,” maintained the club president.

The big bit of business pushed through was the approval of the proposed €200 million remodeling of the outside of the Santiago Bernabeu, which admittedly does look like it needs a lick of paint. By 2014 the Madrid stadium looks set to be a shining, neon beacon of white light against the bleak darkness of Mordor.

Barcelona had their own assembly on Saturday, and the big concern for club president Sandro Rosell was whether or not the €165 million deal with the Qatar Foundation would be approved by club members. After a heavy newspaper campaign backing the ‘yes’ vote and dire warnings from Rosell of the consequences of saying ‘no’, the partnership was approved by a comfortable margin. The assembly also voted to impose a ban on smoking in the Camp Nou and the establishment of a sort of singing corner in the stadium - which can only give LLL even more ammunition in the seasons to come.

The biggest controversy from Saturday’s event related to last year’s assembly, when the motion was carried to pursue Joan Laporta and his board for the alleged losses of the club in the last financial year of €79.6 million. Those legal proceedings are ongoing with those accused of economic mismanagement on the brink of having assets frozen - accusations all denied.

This forced Pep Guardiola to speak out in support of his former president and colleagues who took a huge gamble in giving the former player the role as manager. “They are suffering and they don’t deserve to,” said the Barça boss after the Atlético victory. I hope this can end well. They did very well. My esteem for them is infinite and I feel sad.”

While the Madrid press have leapt on the the rift and tried to widen it with pneumatic tools, even a Barcelona media torn between the current regime and the huge man love for Pep Guardiola are sensing danger. “A Barça manager should not take part in topics already approved by the members,” warned Santi Nolla in Mundo Deportivo, a paper that reports Guardiola had dinner with Laporta and Johan Cruyff last Thursday.

“The club has already suffered too many years of intrigues between ‘Nuñistas’ and ‘Cruyffistas’, now we could have an hidden war of ‘Rosellistas’ and ‘Laportistas’” lamented Josep María Casanovas in Sport.

The official response from Toni Freixa, the Barça board’s spokesman, to Guardiola’s comments was that it was too late to drop the case against Laporta, arguing that “we can’t take it back now as the members ratified it.” Freixa also soothed that “we understand his words to be a personal opinion on a personal relationship that he has.”

For the next couple of days at least, attentions return to the football field and Real Madrid’s Champions League clash with Ajax at the Bernabeu on Tuesday and Barcelona’s trip to the fun capital of Europe, Belarus, to face BATE Borisov a day later. But with Joan Laporta promising to speak out later in the week, it’s crossed fingers from the blog that there are more scandalous tit bits to come in Catalan capital.

Good Day, Bad Day: Marvellous Messi and Champions League-chasing Levante

Tim Stannard — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:30:00 GMT

Good Day

Leo Messi
An un-flippin’-believable performance from the scruffy-haired Argentine genius, who has now scored 12 goals with nine assists in all competitions this season.
La Liga Loca was catching the game in a very partisan bar outside the Santiago Bernabeu straight after Madrid’s 6-2 over Rayo, and the response from the locals to Messi’s hat-trick was a mixture of admiration, disbelief and complete annoyance. Probably similar to Atlético’s back four in the Camp Nou who were largely powerless to stop Messi’s mayhem.
Atlético Madrid were given one proper chance in the game - a strike against the bar from Tiago after four minutes - and that was it. When Barça are in the mood there really is no stopping them. “They’re from another planet,” gasped Atlético Madrid keeper, Thibaut Courtois, in wise agreement.

Levante
LLL thought it would be tough for anyone at Levante to beat Luis García’s achievements last season. While the current Getafe manager’s impressive boast was keeping Levante in la Primera, replacement Juan Ignacio Martínez is top-trumping García by apparently gunning for the Champions League places, with wins over Real Madrid, Rayo and now Espanyol leaving Levante in third.
“We have to think that we are a quarter of the way to staying up with five games gone with 11 points but not about the Champions League,” said the kill-joy Levante manager after the game.

Sevilla
Sevilla have been particularly sneaky at the start of this season. The side haven’t really played especially well in any of their five games in la Liga - indeed, they have only scored six goals, but remain unbeaten and in fourth. This achievement was especially praiseworthy in Saturday’s 1-0 victory over Valencia as at one point it was the nine men of Sevilla against the eleven of their visitors.

Real Madrid
Both Madrid papers were happy to claim Madrid had “left the tunnel” as Marca put it, but LLL is far from convinced. The 6-2 win over Rayo Vallecano was perhaps the least convincing 6-2 win there has ever been. Rayo’s early opener after 15 seconds was produced by a lovely assist from Lassana Diarra, while the second came from a set-piece. And did José Mourinho not like that. “It’s the most basic thing in football and it gave them hope,” complained the Madrid manager.
The one positive from the performance perhaps was the fantastic speed of the counterattacks for Madrid that will catch most teams out, never mind an overly-committed Rayo. But even Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t seem to be too excited about his hat-trick, the Portuguese’s tenth in la Liga.

Michael Laudrup
Mallorca doesn’t seem like being the most wonderful of working environments for Michael Laudrup, so perhaps his team’s 2-1 win over Real Sociedad on Sunday was a bad result in the long run for a manager who has fallen out big time with Vice President and main shareholder, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer. “It’s tough asking for calm here,” noted Laudrup, “this victory won’t change anything.”

Michu
Rayo's big man up front scored a brace and was typical of the kind of gutsy attacking display promised by Rayo manager José Sandoval before the 6-2 defeat. Another player to impress in the Santiago Bernabeu was 19-year-old Guinean winger, Lass Bangoura, a footballer that Madrid are reportedly interested in signing.

Roberto
Although Zaragoza were by no means bombarded by Málaga in Sunday’s late kick-off, a couple of key saves by the keeper against a yet-to-score Ruud van Nistelrooy and Seba Fernández gave the home side a point in a goalless draw.

Granada
A second goal for Granada and another point in a 1-1 draw with Osasuna to keep the newcomers out of the relegation zone.

Sporting
The home clash against a goal-shy Racing was a whopper of a chance for Sporting to pick up their first points of the season. In the plural. Instead it was just the one in a goalless draw with Sporting managing just two goals this season. “It’s a negative dynamic that we have to try and break and when we do it everything will be different,” promised Manuel Preciado.

Bad Day

Víctor Valdés
LLL is probably quite alone in thinking this, but the blog really doesn’t like goalkeepers excessively celebrating their own’s team’s goals, largely because they had nothing to do with them. The Barça goalie is particularly guilty of the blog’s picky crime with his endless fist pumping and roaring to greet every one of Barcelona’s goals. Rant over.

Emir Spahic
What an enormous big girl’s blouse of a sneaky so-and-so. Ariz Aduriz put his boot on top of the Sevilla’s defender’s - it wasn’t a stamp or any kind of funny business like that - and the Croatian stopper went down clutching his shin to get the Valencia forward sent off.

Ever Banega
A missed penalty from the Argentinean midfielder cost the Mestalla men at least a point in Seville.

Falcao
The big lady-haired loser in the battle between ‘the flea and the tiger’. Not really the Colombian’s fault as the Atlético Madrid striker barely had the ball.

Walter Pandiani
The Rifle appeared to head butt the back of Levante defender Nano - a member of a team who do tend to go down rather easily - to get himself a pleasingly pointless red card.

Racing Santander
LLL can’t decide whether it is a help or hindrance for Racing to have the colour of their away kit the exact same shade as grass. On a bad TV it would look like Sporting were playing with themselves on Sunday, as it were. If Racing ever signed Kermit, he would be invisible. And probably be better up front, too.

Athletic Bilbao
“The game created optimism” claimed Athletic manager, Marcelo Biesla, after the 1-1 draw against Villarreal but the Basque side still only have two points from 15 to leave them in the bottom two instead of the two six where they should be. “This is getting worrying,” fretted Marca’s match report. The Argentinean coach really needs to get six from six from his team in the upcoming local matches against Real Sociedad and Osasuna to avoid a quick kick in the knackers and the sack.

La Preview: Betis apologise for being leaders as Atletico forget Aguero

Tim Stannard — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 10:24:00 GMT

Saturday

Sevilla (5th) v Valencia (2nd) - 18.00 (local time)
Having been ditched by most of the clubs that were supposedly supporting his campaign against financial inequality in la Liga, Sevilla president José María del Nido has since had to put up with the supposedly infallible Real Madrid and Barcelona dropping points willy nilly in recent weeks.
The Sevilla head honcho was probed on this development by a journalist who asked whether Del Nido still felt la Liga was made up of two big clubs, 17 also rans and Sporting. “I ask you to put that question to me in May,” said the Andalusian big cheese knowingly.
Del Nido also confirmed happily that he was “tremendously satisfied” with Marcelino the manager whose Sevilla side are unbeaten with eight points from 12. “We haven’t played the best football in every match but we’ve had good moments at Villarreal, against Málaga and in Pamplona and what we have to do is look for stability so that these good moments last for 90 minutes instead of 15.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Athletic Bilbao (18th) v Villarreal (13th) - 18.00
Wednesday’s defeat at Málaga makes this Athletic’s worse start to a la Liga season in 32 years. Not exactly a good way for Marcelo Biesla and his fancy passing ways to introduce himself to suspicious Basque supporters.
Athletic have just the single point and are jammed into the relegation zone when a repeat of a top six performance was expected from the team. Still, it could have been worse claimed the Argentinean boss after his team’s Málaga loss when putting it into context with the previous trouser-pulling, bottom-exposing defeat by Betis. “We got back our feeling after that game. Security and organisation. We were able to attack too. Now we’ve got to put the two things together.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (7th) v Rayo Vallecano (11th) - 20.00
The hills are alive with the sound of Primera pundits in Spain sifting through tea leaves - not that this would be a particularly noisy activity - trying to find reasons for Florentino Pérez’s decision to go down to the dressing rooms to speak to the players and manager after Madrid’s goalless draw with Racing.
One opinion-sharer on radio station Cadena Ser scoffed that it was the kind of nonsense that “a small club” gets up to whilst the editor of AS opined that the gesture from the Madrid president was “significant”. “The super manager needs support,” wrote Alfredo Relaño on Thursday. An alternative theory was that the Madrid main man had gone into the bowels of el Sardinero to warn the players that Mourinho wouldn’t be going anywhere no matter what happens this season - as some are rumoured to be hoping for this eventuality - and it was time they realised this.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (4th) v Atlético Madrid (8th) - 22.00
It’s very much a case of ‘Kun who?’ around the Vicente Calderón these days, with supporters struggling to recall the departed striker - and not just because of the vast amounts of booze and naughty ciggies consumed before, during and after each Atlético Madrid game.
Falcao is very much the man of the moment in the Rojiblanco ranks, and with good reason after the Colombian forward scored against Celtic in the Europa League, bagged three against Racing last weekend and nabbed a couple more on Wednesday in the 4-0 win against Sporting. Indeed, it could have been even better for Falcao, with the striker having a penalty turned down and a perfectly good goal disallowed too.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Mallorca (15th) v Real Sociedad (9th) - 12.00
It’s make or break time for Michael Laudrup apparently. Tuesday’s defeat to Villarreal sees the Great Dane’s grip on power weakening with the board wavering on whether to stick with Laudrup or move onto fresh managerial meat. That wavering could well turn into square-jawed certainty if Mallorca fail to beat visiting Real Sociedad at high noon.
“There’s no other solution that winning on Sunday,” admitted Laudrup after the Villarreal defeat, the side’s third in a row, with the Mallorca boss saying that being fired was “a part of football.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (6th) v Espanyol (10th) - 16.00
There’s no doubt at all who la Liga’s team and player of the week has been. It’s Levante and their cuddly captain Sergio Ballesteros after two victories for the club and a goal for the defender in Wednesday’s 2-1 win against Rayo Vallecano in the Spanish capital.
But despite the side’s Champions League-chasing form Levante coach Juan Ignacio Martínez was all with the sensible after Wednesday’s victory. “We are in la Primera but we have to keep our feet on the ground, because there’s a long way to go, and we are taking it one game at a time,” poo-pooed the manager of the moment.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada (16th) v Osasuna (12th) - 18.00
Little by little, Granada are getting used to the heady way of life in la Primera - well, the Andalusian side haven’t lost all four games anyway - just three of them. The problem is scoring goals with Granada managing just one, the winning effort from Ikechukwu Uche against Villarreal.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sporting (20th) v Racing (17th) - 20.00
LLL is desperately hoping for a win for Sporting on Sunday as the longer that Manuel Preciado is at the club the more time he can come out with comments like the one on Thursday after the Atlético Madrid defeat, the fourth from four this season - “I consider myself the person most responsible for this sh*t that we have seen.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (14th) v Málaga (3rd) - 22.00
There were some signs of life from Zaragoza in the 4-3 defeat to Betis on Thursday. Javier Aguirre’s men were 4-1 down at one point before Juan Carlos dragged the team back into contention. “The least you can ask is for the team to give everything on the pitch and that’s what they did,” said the Zaragoza manager approvingly.
LLL Prediction - Away

Monday

Getafe (19th) v Betis (1st) - 21.00
Getafe on a Monday night in a game being broadcast on TV. You won’t only be able to hear the sound of pins being dropped in the Coliseum but the deafening rustle of them being removed from their velvet lined boxes. Not even the visit of the league leaders (on Friday morning anyway) will drag people out despite Betis being a thrilling sight to behold these days, especially after a 4-3 win over Zaragoza that put the side at the top of the table for the first time since 7 October 2001.
“It seems like we have to apologise for being leaders,” joked Betis manager, Pepe Mel.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Midweek charity from 'Big Two' breathes life into la Liga

Tim Stannard — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 09:36:00 GMT

La Liga Loca has a feeling in its special place that something fishy is going on. Very fishy. Just when there was a clamour in Spain for Barcelona and Real Madrid to open the vault to their Manhattan-sized safes and hand out some cash to the paupers of la Primera to even things out a little, both teams have suddenly and ever so accidentally become a little careless of late.

So careless, in fact, that the complaints of the Spanish league being the most unbalanced and hopeless - and sh*t, as Sevilla would put it - in the world have disappeared completely ever since Barcelona and Real Madrid decided to become extremely charitable on the pitch rather than with their cheque books.

But with the responsible blog having to make the assumption that all this craziness isn’t an elaborate ruse from Sandro Rosell and Florentino Pérez, LLL must note that Real Madrid are blooming awful at the moment and no excuse in the world that José Mourinho can come up with can hide it. Though the Madrid boss did his level best to blame both the opposition and referee for Wednesday’s goalless draw against an injury-battered Racing, as well as his own team. “Their cartload of injuries, tackles and simulations they were allowed meant we couldn’t get the necessary rhythm,” complained Mourinho.

It’s been a tough week for Marca too, with the paper having to find alternate front covers in reaction to Madrid’s double failures to Levante and Racing. On Monday morning the European Championship winning Spanish basketball team made the headlines. Three days later and Falcao’s performance in Atlético Madrid’s 4-0 win over Sporting is suddenly of interest to the paper who have had to lock away their “Cristiano is a machine!” headlines for a while. With the paper’s editorial also focussing on the Rojiblancos, it’s up to AS to run around in a blind panic on Thursday instead.

“Is there internal division in the dressing room? Are the Spanish upset with the ostracism of Albiol, Granero and, as of yesterday, Sergio Ramos?” questioned a confused Tomás Roncero after Raphael Varane stood in for the injured Pepe and Alvaro Arbeloa took Ramos’ rampaging spot on the right. “Last night, the team were like their shirt. Black on the outside and on the inside,” fretted the down-in-the-dumps AS man.

The damage to Real Madrid’s title hopes were lessoned a little by Barcelona’s 2-2 draw at Valencia, though ‘the image’ as they say in Spain of the two teams’ performances was contrasting. While Real Madrid managed just two shots on target all match and played the game as if it was a cup second leg in which they held a 7-0 lead, Barcelona rolled up their sleeves in a wonderful slugging match with Valencia that ended in a 2-2 draw.

Indeed the game could have ended in a win for Valencia and Barcelona with Roberto Soldado missing a sitter from two yards with the home side 2-1 up and Guaita pulling out the stops to block Barcelona in the final minutes of a marvel of a match in Mestalla.

“A draw is a point,” admits Lluís Mascaró in Sport, “but not all draws are worth the same. There are draws of champions, luxury draws like Barcelona managed in Mestalla last night. Then there are painful, crappy draws like Madrid’s in Santander.”

The slip-up from both teams - predestined or not - sees Valencia at the top of the table, but with Betis having the remarkable chance to be league leaders if they manage the very achievable goal of beating Zaragoza at home on Thursday night. If so, then the southern side will also go above second-placed, Málaga who made it three wins from three with a 1-0 victory against Athletic Bilbao to make Manuel Pellegrini a very chilled Chilean indeed with his former club Real Madrid two points behind.

Despite Marca’s less than heartfelt reasons for jamming Falcao onto Thursday’s front cover, there’s good reason to be very excited at the Vicente Calderón these days, after Atlético managed back-to-back 4-0 victories, with Falcao grabbing five goals in the wins over Racing and Sporting. “The team is working for him and he is working for the team,” said a pleased-as-punch Gregorio Manzano after the match. “He’s a useful player and one that our fans can enjoy.”

It was a bad night for Madrid’s third side Rayo who fell to a 2-1 defeat to visiting Levante who have now picked up six points in their last two games. The scorer of second goal was the now legendary figure of Sergio Ballesteros who has become the centre of a Twitter trending campaign to get the super-sized stopper called up to the Spanish squad.

To be fair, it’s no stranger a concept that the other bizarre events that have been going on la Liga this week.

Results - Round 5
Osasuna 0-0 Sevilla
Real Sociedad 1-0 Granada
Villarreal 2-0 Mallorca
Atlético Madrid 4-0 Sporting
Málaga 1-0 Athletic Bilbao
Rayo 1-2 Levante
Racing 0-0 Real Madrid
Valencia 2-2 Barcelona
Espanyol v Getafe - Thursday
Betis v Zaragoza - Thursday

Catalan press beg defeated Mourinho to stick with Real Madrid

Tim Stannard — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 11:11:00 GMT

It’s a little like a game of taunting tig. This time last week the Madrid press were chuckling and cheerfully waving in Barcelona’s direction after Pep’s Dream Boys dropped points to Real Sociedad.

Some seven days later and the roles are reversed after Madrid’s Levante let down. Meanwhile, neither side seems to have noticed that the mighty Valencia and Betis are currently running away with la Primera trophy.

Sarcasm certainly seems to the be current trend in the Spanish football world, after Mourinho’s claims before Sunday’s match that his team’s main goal this season was getting 40 points on the board - something that may be an issue if Madrid continue to struggle against sides that put it a tackle from time to time.

Tuesday’s edition of Barcelona based Sport returns the favour with a front cover begging Mourinho to stay at the Santiago Bernabeu, with Joan Vehils writing that “the damage Mourinho is doing to Real Madrid is proportional to the good Guardiola is creating at Barcelona.

"If Mou goes, the only thing that can happen is that Madrid improve. Conclusion: may Mourinho stay many years and if possible with Florentino as president.”

Marca are preferring to avoid the whole nasty business of Sunday’s meltdown and are continuing to insist that Neymar will arrive at the Bernabeu after the 2012 Olympics, having taken a medical last Friday. The wee Brazilian international is set to cost a gargantuan €60 million, with Monday’s edition reporting Neymar will earn €7 million a year on a six year contract. Tuesday’s Marca reveals that a clause in the contract that quite possibly doesn’t exist will give Neymar an extra million should he win the Balon d’Or.

Neymar himself has pointlessly protested that “I’ve not signed anything with anyone,” and claims he was at a hospital on Friday to visit a family friend, but until Real Madrid thrash some minion side convincingly, stories about the current apple of Florentino Pérez’s eye are going to run and run.

The Forces of Mordor do have the chance to achieve this with a trip to take on Racing Santander on Wednesday, but before that there are three matches taking place in la Liga to kick off a rare midweek round of action.

Osasuna have only had a few days to recover from their Camp Nou pummeling and face a trip to Sevilla. “I think we are going to react well,” mused manager José Luis Mendilibar. “The good thing is that the next game is going very quickly which doesn’t give you any time to think about the last one.”

Sevilla coach Marcelino is already rightfully nervy about facing a Osasuna in Pamplona, where they are traditionally strong and fairly brutal too. “Osasuna use their strengths very well at home,” warned Marcelino. “They are a tough team and more so when they are going into the match after the huge defeat to Barcelona.”

Real Sociedad host Granada in a match that isn’t all that exciting really aside from seeing whether the visitors can build on their first goal and first points in Saturday’s win over Villarreal. And speaking of the Yellow Submarine, Villarreal are currently in all sorts of trouble having picked up just one point from nine to leave the Champions League outfit in the relegation zone.

Villarreal have a very good chance to lift themselves out of it in Tuesday’s late game which is the visit of Mallorca. “We can play much better as we have footballers not giving their best,” warned manager, Juan Carlos Garrido, ahead of the clash - a game that LLL feels will be a Barcelona style crushing of their Balearic visitors.

Good Day, Bad Day: Angry Pep ‘not angry’ and Levante’s heavyweight hero

Tim Stannard — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:58:00 GMT

Good Day

Roberto Soldado
Fernando Torres’ comedy blunder against Manchester United may have edged the Valencia striker a rung nearer the Chelsea man’s spot in the Spanish side after Soldado’s fifth goal in just three league games gave the Mestalla men a table-topping victory against Sporting. It was the second of two solitary strikes from successive 1-0 wins for Soldado that sees Valencia riding high like Sergio Ramos in an airplane bathroom.

Pep Guardiola
The time really is getting close to nigh for Pep to leave his Dream Boys and start a solo career as there are certain, unfortunate Mourinho-like qualities creeping into his psyche. Before Saturday’s Osasuna match, the Barça boss was bickering with a Marca journalist - a complete waste of anyone’s time - and after the 8-0 destruction which should have been a Pep happy time there was a touch of the tin-foil beanie hat about Guardiola’s “let’s be ‘avin ya” reaction to the result with his claim that “there’s a lot of people who don’t want us to win.”
“They want to see me angry but they’ve still not managed it,” declared Pep angrily. “I’m very happy with my players and the only thing I can do is defend them.”

Sergio Ballesteros
The Levante centre-back may be carrying a little bit of extra timber, be a tad slow and go to ground rather easily when shoved by belligerent Germans, but Ballesteros led a wonderful defensive display from a Levante back four who had a combined age of 138, in front of a goalkeeper who was not having one of his best evenings. Levante are a dirty old bunch who do whatever they can to get a result, but when you are dealing with opponents possessing a TV income that’s 10 times bigger than yours, then one cuts one’s cloth accordingly.

Koné
A miserable two year spell of injury for the Ivorian striker is hopefully behind Koné after his cracking winning strike against Madrid.

Málaga
The finishing in the 1-0 away win at Mallorca wasn’t quite up to the standard of Monday’s victory over Granada but Manuel Pellegrini’s side did more than enough to earn three very handy points on their travels.

Freddie Kanouté
The winning strike in a narrow 1-0 win against Real Sociedad saw the Malian forward enjoying his 100th victory for Sevilla. Saturday’s match was a fairly even affair - which says a lot about the progress la Real have made over the summer - but Kanouté’s touch of class made the difference.

Granada
It is a tribute to the all round nice guy nature of Villarreal that the scorer of Granada’s first league goal of the season, Ikechukwu Uche, is a Villarreal player loaned out to the Primera newcomers for the year. Villarreal will certainly be regretting the decision not to jam a non-playing clause into the Nigerian’s contract which would have prevented him from featuring on Saturday and scoring the only goal in a deserving 1-0 win for Granada. Juan Carlos Garrido now has to work out if someone has put non-playing clauses on every one of his own side instead.

Michu
The big lad up front for Rayo had a goal incorrectly disallowed for offside against Zaragoza last weekend, but the striker’s towering header to beat Getafe after just four minutes was a good ‘un, as was the overall performance of the striker - industrious and committed, two words which sum up Rayo’s impressive start to the season which sees five points from the side’s opening three games.

Betis
‘Blistering’ and ‘ferocious’ were the words that popped into a gasping LLL’s tiny mind on Sunday night - as well as ‘11pm’, ‘Sunday’ and too late for football’ as it watched the 3-2 win over Athletic Bilbao that sees Betis sharing the lead at the top of the table with Valencia.

Falcao
Heck, if even the renowned cynical, old misery guts LLL is starting to believe that there could be something special going on at Atlético Madrid then it really is time for the Rojiblanco massive to either start getting sticky with excitement or really worry.
Racing Santander were torn a new one on Sunday with Falcao grabbing a hat-trick to go with the goal against Celtic three days previously. However, it was all round loveliness from the Vicente Calderón club with Diego and Arda continuing to settle in very well indeed.

Zaragoza
A bit of breathing space for coach, Javier Aguirre, with Luis García popping up in injury time to give Zaragoza their first points of the season against his former club Espanyol.

Bad Day

Real Madrid
It seems that José Mourinho is caught between blaming his footballers for losing their heads and joining in a hacking match against Levante and the instinctive urge to have a pop at the referee. In truth the man-in-the-middle could have sent a whole load of players off including Juanlu and Angel di María for their respective lunges and especially Rubén for a rather brutal hack on Cristiano Ronaldo. And then there was Pepe and so on and so on.
The point is that the lack of goals in two games against Levante in their ground last season wasn’t a big enough warning for the Madrid players a season later with the Santiago Bernabeu club immediately losing the advantage the side had against Barcelona with Sunday’s surprising defeat.

Sami Khedira
“Players need to be sufficiently intelligent to avoid situations like this,” noted Mourinho on Sami Khedira’s rash decision to push over Sergio Ballesteros when the German already had a yellow card. Although Madrid already had enough quality on the pitch to overcome Levante even when down to ten men, Khedira’s petulance certainly didn’t help matters at all.

Villarreal
The Yellow Submarine are still punch drunk from their opening day thrashing by Barcelona which really has knocked the stuffing out of the east coast side, who are now second-from-bottom of the table with just a single point from nine. The midweek loss to Bayern Munich in the Champions League certainly can’t have helped either although Villarreal do have only themselves to blame for not even picking up a point against Granada with Giuseppe Rossi hitting a penalty against a post and Jonathan De Guzman slicing the rebound wide. Villarreal’s home game against Mallorca on Tuesday is already looking like a whopper.

Getafe
‘Quite hopeless’ was the gist of the prevailing wind of LLL’s feeling from the Coliseum after seeing Getafe’s 1-0 defeat to visiting Rayo. That also was the sensation from manager, Luís García, who despite coming into the press conference looking fairly chirpy was not a happy man. “The first half was a disaster on the ball,” admitted the former Levante boss, “we missed every pass.”

Sporting
‘Oh no!’ bemoans LLL clutching its face dramatically in an homage to both Macaulay Culkin and Angel di María. A third defeat from three for poor Sporting leaves the sorry Gijón side at the bottom of the table without a point and without much hope of getting one if the performance against Valencia was any indication. Sporting were their usual industrious selves but when it came to creating chances the team were as clueless as Víctor Valdés when being asked anger management tips. “We’re having trouble producing attacking football,” noted an under pressure Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado.

Athletic Bilbao
“Biesla has turned lions into cats” was the lament from one Athletic Bilbao fan complaining about the failing tactical revolution in the Basque Country that saw Athletic torn apart at times by Betis in Sunday’s 3-2 defeat and still without a win in la Liga.

La Preview: Atlético’s new hero and relief for Getafe’s fans

Tim Stannard — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 10:58:00 GMT

Saturday

Sporting (19th) v Valencia (2nd) - 18.00
With the burning topic of the week in Spain now being whether Cristiano Ronaldo is as handsome as the Portuguese player clearly thinks he is, the country’s football press rounded on someone utterly unqualified to answer that particular poser about a poser - David Albelda.
As well as trawling through the disappointment of Valencia’s goalless draw against Genk - “we would have liked to have won but you can’t say we are out of the Champions League” - the veteran midfielder was also asked for his thoughts on Ronaldo’s contentious claim from Wednesday night.
“I didn’t waste a second last night thinking about whether Ronaldo is ugly or good-looking,” revealed the Valencia man, “although if there was a poll I would lose 99% of the time.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Granada (20th) v Villarreal (17th) - 18.00
Just one point from six in la Liga and and a crushing 2-0 home defeat midweek to Bayern Munich in the Champions League sees Villarreal jabbing the panic button with gusto. “It’s a bad situation, we have to improve,” noted Diego López. However, Villarreal’s situation could be a lot worse. They could be Granada.
The newbies to la Primera have lost their first two games so far this season without scoring a goal, or even coming close. Club president, Quique Pina, has been talking about how calm and relaxed he is about Granada’s start to the season - a sure sign of how calm and relaxed he isn’t feeling about Granada’s start to the season.
“I’m just as relaxed and excited as I was before la Liga began and I wanted to pass this onto the squad,” revealed Pina under the miscomprehension that the Granada players give a Dutchman’s clog what the strange man in the suit who came to lecture them was feeling.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Mallorca (10th) v Málaga (8th) - 18.00
More trouble at’mill for Mallorca this week with a very open rift between the club’s figurehead and Vice President, Serra Ferrer, and Michael Laudrup over the failure of the club to buy a new striker over the summer.
Stuck in the middle is Mallorca president, Jaume Cladera, who noted that “in football, egos are delicate and you have to take care of them. You have to try and put each ego in its place. If not, you produce an imbalance and that’s were we are.”
It seems so likely that a very grumpy Laudrup will walk any day now that names to replace the Dane have been rolling around the Balearic landscape with former Athletic Bilbao boss and all round genius in the blog’s eyes, Joaquín Caparrós, at the front of the queue - but denying it - having been recently released nut-job led Swiss outfit Neuchatel Xamax.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (4th) v Osasuna (7th) - 20.00
Where the Spanish press lead, LLL is following - so it is off to Barcelona where the local columnists have had a field day digesting Cristiano Ronaldo’s comments and then regurgitating them like a fur ball.
“The best thing he can do is look at Leo Messi who despite being number one in the world has never thumped his chest,” was the suggestion from José Luis Carazo writing in Sport.
“Once again, reality beats fiction,” writes his colleague, Lluís Mascaró, on Ronaldo’s rather excellent portrayal in Spanish comedy show, ‘Crakòvia’.
LLL Prediction - Home win (at least after the first half, anyway)

Sevilla (6th) v Real Sociedad (5th) - 22.00
On an institutional level, Sevilla were not a group of happy campers this week after a meeting of the Spanish League (LFP). Having held their own rebel’s council last Thursday to discuss possible action to take on the omnipotent pair of Real Madrid and Barcelona, it seems that some of those more vocal members were quiet as wee, trembling mice, with the Sevilla Director General, José María Cruz, complaining that some put on their bestest, pretty petty coats and got down on one knee to apologise (to Real Madrid and Barcelona) for attending. “It was a free-for-all, a scrap,” lamented the Sevilla big wig.
Cruz claimed that only Espanyol and Betis had Sevilla’s back. “Real Madrid had a very strong reaction against what Sevilla have been proposing in a sign they feel threatened.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Getafe (16th) v Rayo Vallecano (12th) - 12.00
The two teams vying for the ever-so prestigious title of third best team in Madrid - or second, depending on what mood Atlético Madrid are in of a particular season - meet for the first time ever in la Primera.
Unfortunately, the Getafe boss won’t be there flapping away on the pitch to lead his side into this celebrated clash. Again. In fact, Luis García has yet to stand and wave his arms on the Coliseum touchline as a fully fledged Getafe boss having been suspended for the first match of the season due to a misdemeanor from the final game of the last campaign, whilst wearing his Levante hat.
Luis García was momentarily back in action at the Bernabeu last Saturday but was sent off and suspended for two games, apparently for telling the referee that he was a “disgrace” - something that is never going to go down well with Spain’s notoriously short-tempered and humourless men in the middle.
On a side note, AS revealed on Thursday that Getafe’s infamous “Hot Zombies from Getafe” film - of the full-on adult variety dribbles the paper - was shown in Madrid on Thursday before being distributed to sperm donation clinics around the city. The sound of an invitation plopping into LLL’s post box was disappointedly absent.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (18th) v Espanyol (9th) - 16.00
LLL has had the dubious pleasure of seeing Zaragoza twice now this season - once on the google-box and the other in person - so the blog is perfectly qualified to declare that the Aragonese side are blooming awful. “Could have been worse,” was the verdict from manager, Javier Aguirre, after the goalless draw with Rayo Vallecano.
What’s more, LLL also discovered yet more evil doing behaviour from the bottom-scraping Zaragoza who in recent months have thrown balls onto the pitch to stop the opposition, gone into administration to avoid paying debts to players and spent a silly amount of money from an investment fund that no-one really knows anything about. The club’s latest crime was Aguirre imitating a referee’s whistle during the Rayo clash with the maverick Mexican getting booked in the process.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Atlético Madrid (15th) v Racing Santander (13th) - 18.00
“Diego, the new idol of the Calderón” declares Friday’s edition of AS after Atlético’s 2-0 Europa win over Celtic and LLL is in full, hearty agreement. It was a sticky, steaming night in the Vicente Calderón but an evening when Diego making his first start for Atlético was very impressive indeed. Always wanting the ball and almost impossible to knock him off it when he got it, Diego seems to be ‘the brain’ in midfield that the Rojiblancos have been missing for some time.
“A top player,” said Neil Lennon when LLL probed the Celtic boss after the game on what he thought of the Brazilian who scored Atlético’s second. “He’s hard to pick up and actually quite strong. Being here in Madrid will suit him. Maybe this is the platform for him to move up in his career,” opined Lennon who said that Diego reminded him a great deal of former Barcelona midfielder, Deco.
LLL Prediction - Home win.

Levante (11th) v Real Madrid (1st) - 20.00
“Handsome, rich, famous...and brave” was the panting headline on Friday from AS over the pluckiness of their hero who wants to play against Levante on Sunday “despite the ankle injury” given to him by the dastardly Leko of Dinamo Zagreb. But if Ronaldo is looking for any sympathy, the forward probably isn’t going to get it at Levante were yet more rough play can be expected.
“He’s a very good, very fast player,” said Xavi Torres, “so if you have to give him a knock, as they say in football, then he’ll get one as will anyone else who we come up against and gives us the chance to win the ball.”
The midfielder’s defensive colleague, Juanfran, couldn’t help but comment on Ronaldo’s modest statement over why everyone had it in for him. “I thought he was describing me,” chuckled the full-back.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Athletic Bilbao (14th) v Betis (3rd)
A big sigh of relief from Marcelo Biesla on Thursday after a 2-1 away win against Slovan Bratislava to take away a bit of the pressure that had been building on the Athletic boss after his team picked up just one point from six in their start to la Liga.
The situation had become so tense that the aforementioned Joaquín Caparrós was even being linked with a quick return to the club he had to leave after his former boss lost the summer’s presidential elections. But once again, ‘Jokin’ said that he had no desire to return and was more interested in trying to restart his journalism studies. “You have to give Biesla time,” said Caparrós. “As the Athletic fan that I am, I hope and wish it goes well for the coach.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid begin hunt for La Décima. Again.

Tim Stannard — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 10:45:00 GMT

The Champions League only really starts for LLL when the blog reads the annual “Real Madrid are going for La Décima!” headlines in the local papers.

It’s a call to arms for Madrid’s 10th European Cup crown which has been running since 2002 and has become a fun September tradition alongside the advertisements encouraging newly-enthused Spaniards returning from their holidays to learn a new language, take up embroidery or collect ghastly figurines so beloved by the nation’s evil grannies.

To be fair, most of these new hobbies last about as long as Real Madrid’s standard Champions League campaigns. But all that changed last season when the mighty side from Mordor made it through to the semi-finals, so perhaps there was extra gusto in Tuesday’s edition of Marca when it screamed “The Dream of La Décima!” from its front cover.

AS picked up this beacon of hope on Wednesday, sticking a photo of Pepe and Carvalho arriving in Zagreb sporting big smiles. “Happy faces about La Décima!” beamed the paper - tiny face in Pepe’s case - although LLL suspects the centre-back had just heard the news that his Portuguese colleague was suspended from playing for his country for a year. “Sweeeeeeet,” was the thought LLL suspects was going through Pepe’s mind to the tune of the Magic Roundabout.

That's right Cristiano - Madrid are looking for a TENTH European crown

The paper reports that since José Mourinho no longer wants the press flying with the team on trips, 18 supporters were on Madrid’s stealth jet to Croatia on Tuesday. However, AS assures readers that “security made sure no-one from outside the team went up front to ask the players for photos or autographs.” LLL shudders to think of the consequences of that.

Antonio Romero, writing in Wednesday’s edition, has a good feeling about this year and reveals that “Cristiano smells La Décima.” LLL suspects that the forward smells Karim Benzema, who is sweating for the first time in his football life, but the blog is not going to poop Antonio’s party. “He knows Madrid signed him to be decisive in the big Champions League games and at the moment he has a debt. Today the path begins for the new Cristiano to cancel the debt.”

That path begins without José Mourinho, who is continuing to serve a UEFA touchline ban. The Madrid manager is expected to stay behind at the team hotel but his number two, Aitor Karanka, revealed that no decision had be made as to Mourinho’s location for the game. LLL suspects he’ll either be sipping brandy, sprawled in a giant leather swivel chair in an airship hovering menacingly over the ground, or lying by the side of the pitch having painted himself green.

It probably won’t have escaped everyone’s attention that Barça blew it big style against AC Milan in the Camp Nou on Tuesday, conceding an equaliser in the final seconds of their clash with the Serie A side. However, the Thiago Silva header at least had a pleasing symmetrical feel to it, with Barça conceding in the opening seconds of their game too.

While AS claim that “Barça have a problem, a serious problem,” and Marca scoff that Pep’s Dream Boys “can’t do it with a dinosaur” - a problem that the soon-to-be-husband of the ancient Duquesa de Alba is about to experience - Pep Guardiola is less concerned. “I’m not worried,” soothed the Barça boss. “If people are, we’ll try to make them less worried. I have no doubts.”

Pep looking not at all concerned or worried during last night's draw...

There is certainly an air of concern in the Catalan press on Wednesday morning, with Sport’s Josep María Casanovas - the same writer who claimed AC Milan would pay big time on Tuesday night - moaning that “Barcelona had a sensational August” but have become a team that have “tripped on the same stone twice in September.”

His chest-thumping colleague, Lluís Mascaró, has come out swinging and writes that “Barcelona have nothing to prove. Over the past three years they have earned infinite credit” - not unlike Real Madrid’s relationship with banks, LLL notes.

Mundo Deportivo’s headline is “Tuesday 13th” with the traditionally bad day being a little different in Spain. The paper’s approach is a little more doomy and gloomy with Santi Nolla writing that Barça have “lost motivation and humility. Little has been learned from the 2-2 in Anoeta.”

It was also not a particularly good night for Valencia, who endured a goalless draw with Genk after Spain’s very own tinker man, Unai Emery, once again messed with the Mestalla men’s system.

Valencia’s neighbours Villarreal will be kicking off their Champions League campaign on Wednesday with an intriguing home clash against Bayern Munich. However, Juan Garrido’s men will be struggling for space in Thursday’s papers with Madrid having begun their hunt for la Décima. Again.

Pep opts against chicken dance as Barça face Big Bullies from Milan

Tim Stannard — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 12:55:00 GMT

It’s all very well Barça being the Goody Two-Shoes, helping old ladies across the road kind of club with their wholesome values, but that doesn’t help at all when it comes to any kind of confrontation, at which stage Pep’s Dream Boysn usually turn into namby-pamby, jiggling jelly-fish.

The message from the culé camp ahead of Tuesday’s visit of AC Milan in the Champions League was largely one of fear and the desperate hope that two of the Serie A club’s more unhinged figures don’t come to the Camp Nou looking for some dinner money-stealing, wedgie-giving action.

Fortunately for Pep Guardiola, one of those big bully boys, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, won’t be returning to Catalunya, having missed out on the opportunity of a happy reunion with his former coach by injuring himself in Monday’s training session. “What a coincidence!” wrote Marca on the Swede’s misfortune from the safe distance of the other side of the Med.

Pep Guardiola’s reaction to the news of Zlatan’s absence was typical of his usual infuriating nice-guy schtick, with the Barca boss claiming that “before I had him, he seemed like a fantastic player and after having him, even more so. He’s a footballer on another level. I thank him for everything he gave us. It’s a shame he couldn’t come.” A disappointed LLL was so hoping for an ‘Arrested Development’-style chicken dance from the Barça boss at the mention of Zlatan’s sudden injury.

Another bogey man for Barcelona, and Andrés Iniesta in particular, is Marc Van Bommel. The high-browed midfielder criticised the Dutchman over the summer for being a dirty old man during the World Cup final. On Monday, with the Dutch midfielder somewhere in the city, Iniesta stuck his chin out and boasted that he wasn’t “afraid of any rival.”

Van Bommel, of course, was then probed on Iniesta’s words before the exasperated Milan press officer banned journalists from asking them in the pre-match conference. “Perhaps Spain and Holland are playing tomorrow?” joked the Milan man. “The match was a year ago, it seems strange that you are asking me about this but I guess you have to write something,” scoffed the former Barcelona midfielder, forgetting that the concepts of ‘strange’ and ‘Spanish football press’ go hand-in-hand. Even Pep Guardiola had sympathy for the legendary tough tackler - “you asked the poor guy 250 questions on the World Cup final. You have to have a bit of respect.”

The Barça press’ response to the Real Sociedad draw has followed the identical pattern of the previous occasions the side has slipped up. Weeks of editorials claiming Barcelona are invincible are then followed by days of sober editorials noting that Barcelona aren’t invincible before yet more editorials proposing that Barcelona are indeed invincible again.

“We are convinced that the mistake of San Sebastian will have consequences and that the Italians will pay the prices,” boomed Josep María Casanovas in Sport, another columnist who doubts Zlatan’s injury and will be hoping to avoid a dark alley moment in the near future with the six-foot-a million loon. “A suspicious injury has left him in Milan and who knows if it is to avoid the boos of the Barcelona fans.”

Barcelona are just one of two Spanish sides in Champions League action on Tuesday. Valencia are the other and facing Genk in...er...Genk? The blog did hear though that the Mestalla men’s flight to...Genk...was delayed when Miguel Brito started to barf and feel unwell. But after chuckling knowingly, LLL then remembered that the Portuguese fullback had only just promised that his nightclubbing days were behind him. The official explanation given was that Miguel had suffered an allergic reaction.

There is still a bit of la Liga business to squeeze out at the end with Málaga thrashing poor old Granada 4-0 on Monday with two goals from the lovely Santi Cazorla and a brace from Joaquín to leave Granada without points at the bottom of the table.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barça lose ground as Madrid get the better of Getafe

Tim Stannard — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 14:36:00 GMT

Good day

Real Madrid
A good day for José Mourinho’s side, not through their own sterling efforts in Saturday’s 4-2 win over Getafe, but rather for getting away with four goals - including a dodgy penalty - despite a very iffy defensive performance, with the Madrid back four as chilled and casual as a vegan’s wedding. Oh, and Barcelona dropped points as well.
The most interesting thing to note during the game - aside from Fabio Coentrao’s interpretation of finishing prowess - was that Madrid’s fluidity fell apart whenever Getafe were threatening the home side’s dominance. Real Madrid may be brilliant when the side’s collective tail is up but are still a tad wobbly when not blasting their way through the cannon fodder. “I’m not happy with my team,” said Mourinho. “We won and deserved to win, scored four goals, we could have scored more but our rivals scored two and could have scored more.”

Betis
If you’d said last week that only three teams would have six points from two games and one would begin with ‘B’, you’d probably have gone with a certain Catalan outfit. Instead, it’s the mighty Betis, with a much-needed solid start to the campaign and a second 1-0 win, this time over Mallorca in the sticky sweatiness of a midday kick-off on Sunday.

Miguel Brito
The bad boy Valencia full-back promised last week that “away from football, you aren’t going to hear about Miguel.” So far the defender has been true to his word - although it has only been three or four days - with a fine defensive display in the 1-0 win over Atlético and a lovely pass that plopped onto the in-form head of Roberto Soldado for Valencia’s winner.

Villarreal
A home win would have been handy for Villarreal after their 5-0 tonking by Barcelona a fortnight ago, but having gone a man and a goal down after 24 minutes, with goalkeeper Diego López sent off and Alvaro Negredo netting the resulting penalty at the second attempt, it looked like being a stinker of a day for Villarreal in a sweaty El Madrigal. But instead they dug deep for a 2-2 draw - with even Sevilla boss left claiming Villarreal deserved more. “The draw wasn’t fair on them,” admitted a gracious Marcelino.

César Sánchez
An appearance for the Villarreal keeper coming off the bench to replace Diego López was Primera match number 400 for the former Valencia and Spurs goalie who turned 40 at the beginning of September.

Philippe Montanier
Anyone French is always going to rouse a little suspicion in Spain - and rightly so - but especially when he’s a manager and coming over here with his fancy ways. But the freshly appointed Real Sociedad boss has already built on a coaching reputation of turning mighty minnows into monstrous mammoths, thanks to a 2-1 win over Sporting and now a brilliant draw with Barcelona.

Imanol Agirretxe
The 23-year-old Real Sociedad striker is enjoying a bit of a hot spot having equalled the number of league goals he managed last season with his header against Barcelona added to his opening day brace against Sporting. “He’s very complete, he moves well, he’s got a lot of technique and goals in him. He’s begun well but will keep doing more,” was the praise from former teammate, Borja Viguera.

Miku
Two extremely cool finishes from the Getafe striker gives the Venezuelan three goals so far this season. His second was teed-up by the pass of Dani Güiza in a hint of what could be a handy striking partnership for Getafe.

Roberto
The Zaragoza keeper is still the man of the moment in la Liga. Having stopped a rout by Real Madrid in La Romareda, Roberto saved a point for the Aragonese outfit with a penalty stop from Rayo’s Javi Fuego and a late diving effort to block a shot from Andrija Delibasic. It was a good day all round for Zaragoza, who were largely dismal against Rayo with Javier Aguirre admitting after the game that the result “could have been worse” and that there was an awful lot of work to be done with a squad that is made up of yet-to-gel new arrivals.

Osasuna
Four points from two games for Osasuna after a 2-1 win against Sporting on Sunday afternoon.

Espanyol
Experiencing Espanyol’s 2-1 win against Athletic on Sunday involved staying up until midnight. LLL certainly wasn’t going to do that in a billion years. But that’s only because the blog knew Paul from Barcelona would be there doing his duty instead...
“A pretty even match. Espanyol not looking too clever on paper but a bit better than expected on grass. Athletic as per usual, ten big blokes and a small one with loads of skill but no end product.
Espanyol took the lead thanks to a great bit of work from Spain U-20 star Alvaro and a fine header from Sergio Garcia, apparently. I’d nipped to the loo and missed it.
Athletic began the second half strongly and a couple of excellent saves by Espanyol keeper, Cristian, one in the first half too, kept Espanyol in it. Athletic equalised thanks to the next big Stoke city signing, Fernando Llorente (€30 million !!!!!!!) - a header from a corner. We weren’t shocked.
Sergio García scored the winner after a rare mistake from Gorka. Athletic never really looked like equalising and it finished 2-1. Not a lot in it. Neither team will trouble the top six or top ten, for that matter. MOM - Joan Verdu. Usual dire referee performance - Paul, Barcelona."

Bad Day

Barcelona
When it comes to explaining Barcelona’s draw against Real Sociedad - which doesn't seem so bad when you consider Pep’s Dream Boys still have more points than this time last year - LLL falls into line with Mundo Deportivo. “It wasn’t the ‘FIFA Virus’ or the wrong line-up, nor bad luck. Barça dropped two points in San Sebastian because they fell for the old sin of complacency,” writes Joan Poquí.
It really was suicidal stuff from Barcelona who had the game sewn up after eleven minutes with goals from Xavi and Cesc Fabregas. But then a Real Sociedad who “weren’t themselves” in the first half, according to their manager, took advantage of a series of lapses from the visitors - including an insane back pass from David Villa - to give what Pep Guardiola has called “a good lesson for the future.”

Atlético Madrid
A 1-0 defeat for Atlético sees the club with just one point and no goals in their opening two games. But no need to worry, says one of those responsible for that record, Adrián, who promises that “the goals will come. We have the feeling that we are moving up.”
An extremely bright light from Saturday’s reverse was Diego. who had a very promising 30 minute cameo in the second half and should have been awarded a stone-wall penalty.

Rayo Vallecano
When Rayo Vallecano boss, José Sandoval, claimed his side could have had six points rather than two after the goalless draw against Zaragoza, he wasn’t wrong. A penalty miss and an incorrectly ruled out goal in the final seconds in Vallecas turned out to be a costly loss of two points in a game Rayo deserved to win, for the main reason that they were the only side to turn up on Sunday afternoon. “The only team that tried playing football were Rayo,” said the rather serious Rayo captain, José Movilla, after the game in response to a probing from LLL.

Marcelo Biesla
Just one point from two games sees the Athletic coach under pressure - from LLL anyway, who is calling for the return of Joaquín Caparrós. A bad night for Biesla after a 2-1 defeat to Espanyol was made worse with the news that Ander Herrera is set to miss the next three months with a knee injury.

Sporting
Two games and two defeats for Sporting is not the start to the season that the club need. Obviously.

La Preview: Ruud the Flesh-Eating Vampire and Mourinho’s Reign of Terror

Tim Stannard — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:24:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Real Sociedad v Barcelona
The debate over the ethical ins and outs of Barcelona’s deal with the Qatar Foundation rumbles on in Catalunya, with ruminations over the serious impact the partnership could have on Barça’s all-powerful UNICEF-inspired smugness levels.
Salvados, an investigation show on Spanish TV channel LaSexta, travelled to Qatar to find out more about the charitable organisation by talking to the group’s vice-president Saif Ali Al-Hajari in an interchange that got a little bit testy towards the end.
Mundo Deportivo reported that the Barcelona board saw the programme’s broadcast as ‘opportune’ with the agreement set to be voted on in the club’s annual members’ conference later in September. As MD writer Miguel Rico sighs, “Only Barça is capable of debating a suitability of a sponsorship deal of €165m in five years.”
LLL Prediction – Away win

Villarreal v Sevilla
The two ringleaders fighting against the oppressive money-hoarding of Barcelona and Real Madrid meet on Saturday night, just two days after the newly-formed ‘G-12’ group met in Seville to discuss what is to be done about the inequality of the share in the TV lolly in la Primera.
The answer to that particular poser is "Don’t really know" but Sevilla president José María del Nido was still in full Braveheart mode with his declaration that “there's no turning back”. There’ll be no turning back from more meetings in the meantime, with another session planned where invitations will be sent to the six no-shows from la Primera, the clubs of the second division – Deportivo’s jowly president Augusto Lendoiro will surely be there with his extra-big buffet plate – as well as Real Madrid and Barcelona.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Madrid v Getafe
For a real insight into what is going on behind the gates of Mordor, the best source of information is the Catalan press – ‘best’ in this case meaning ‘most paranoid’. In a most entertaining account this week, Mundo Deportivo has been detailing José Mourinho’s ‘reign of terror’ at the Santiago Bernabeu.
“Not even a pen can be moved” without The Special One’s special permission, gasps the paper, claiming that Florentino Pérez has given his manager the freedom to do anything he so pleases. The paper gives an example of this brutal behaviour by claiming that a member of the club’s medical team had to ask permission from Mourinho on the club’s recent USA tour to treat an unwell member of the Spanish press pack, as Mourinho was against close relations between the media and Real Madrid.
LLL suspects that when Mourinho claims that “there is a campaign against me, it’s well organised and I enjoy it, it’s a motivation for me,” he may have a bit of a point.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Valencia v Atlético Madrid
The news agenda at the Vicente Calderón was dominated by two figures who are no longer at the club, Diego Forlán and Quique Sánchez, with both bickering busybodies discussing their dysfunctional relationship last season.
Forlán came out on the attack from his Milan safe-house by bitching that the former Atlético boss has had “a lot of teams and had problems in all of them.” By contrast, the squeaky-clean forward is 32 "and I’ve a lot of coaches and no problems with any” – aside from Sir Alex Ferguson, who booted him out of Old Trafford, apparently for ignoring his advice over the size of the Uruguayan’s studs.
The still-cucumber-cool Quique responded by noting that “in eight years as professional, I’ve not had a problem as a coach with players of the level of Villa, Aimar, Silva, Kun or Reyes,” and that their fallout last season was all down to Forlán.
LLL Prediction – Home win

SUNDAY

Betis v Mallorca
Seville. On a Sunday. In September. At a sizzling midday. It's a kick-off causing concern, with Betis' head of medical services Tomás Calero fretting that “I’m more afraid for the public that the footballers themselves, who will be watched for every moment.”
In a tumultuous week at Mallorca, it looked for a while like coach Michael Laudrup would be walking out after his bosses failed again on transfer deadline day to bring in a striker, something that the Great Dane has been requesting for seven months now.
Mallorca were trying to get their Balearic hands on Belgian striker Marvin Ogunjimi, but FIFA ruled on Thursday that the paperwork for the deal missed the deadline by 13 minutes – leaving Laudrup without his forward and hopping mad about it too. “If you play with fire then you're going to get burned,” stormed the Mallorca manager in an almighty fallout with VP Lorenzo Serra Ferrer.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Racing v Levante
Like Snap, LLL has the power. And that power has been granted to it (and everyone else) by the TV companies and the LFP, with the kick-off times of games for Racing, Levante and every team in the first and second division now known up to three weeks in advance – a miracle people thought would never be seen in Spain.
One of the gentlemen responsible for sorting out who plays who and when is Jaume Roures, one of the owners of Mediapro, who have a share in the rights of la Liga. In an interview in Marca, Roures manages to come across as a gentleman with the social skills of an Australian, especially when asked why it had taken so long for himself and his colleagues to get their s**t together.
“Why weren’t people complaining three years ago when we also gave out fixtures 10 days in advance?” The answer of course was that they were, but Roures no doubt had his head jammed too far up his jacksie to listen.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Osasuna v Sporting
It’s quite possible that LLL may not have been paying attention but it seems that there is whistling, skipping and tap-dancing in Pamplona these days with Osasuna fans supposedly full of joy about the season to come – despite everyone else expecting a hard campaign in which the team saves itself in a desperate dash over the last month, like every year.
Osasuna sporting director Angel Martín González has called for this supposed giddiness from the team’s supporters to stop immediately, noting that he has observed “too much excitement and enthusiasm.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

Rayo Vallecano v Zaragoza
There was yet more rebellion in the People’s Republic of Vallecas with the footballers stopping training on Tuesday to support the club’s academy coaches who – like pretty much everyone else at Rayo over the past two years – have gone unpaid.
Club captain and LLL hero José Movilla told AS about the problems in Vallecas and the motivation behind Rayo’s promotion-winning campaign last year. “We know that if we didn’t go up then the club would have disappeared,” said the goalscorer of Rayo’s opening 1-1 draw at Athletic two weeks ago.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Espanyol v Athletic Bilbao
Adapting to a new tactical scheme that involves players passing to each other along the ground rather than hoofing it up field on a regular basis has been causing Fernando Llorente some problems, it seems, with the Athletic striker noting that under Joaquín Caparrós all he had to do was stand with his back to goal for 90 minutes but now he has to move around a bit under the orders of Marcelo Bielsa.
Over in Perico-land and the mood is very gloomy with the squad having lost forwards Luis García and Osvaldo over the summer and replaced the pair with ageing nut-job Walter ‘the rifle’ Pandiani. “There is pessimism and unhappiness with the fans,” admits Espanyol coach Mauricio Pochettino, “but this can be changed with victories.”
LLL Prediction – Draw

MONDAY

Málaga v Granada
“People call me ‘pisha’ in the street. At the start I didn’t know what it meant, but it’s something good isn’t it?” Ruud van Nistelrooy asked AS this week. LLL must confess that it has no idea, with the blog doing a quick Google search to find out whether the Dutch striker is either being compared to an Albanian footballer playing for Dinamo Tirana or a flesh-eating vampire in a computer game.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Spain 2016: Mullets, tattoos and Chris Eubank

Tim Stannard — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 09:28:00 GMT

Spain’s unsurprising 6-0 win over Liechtenstein on Tuesday night sealed a wrinkle-free qualification through to the Euro 2012 finals in Poland and the Ukraine. And that got LLL’s noggin a-bogglin'.

While the make-up of the Spain squad for that competition and even the World Cup in 2014 could look similar, barring a few Xavi- and Puyol-shaped tweaks, the blog started contemplating how a 4-3-3 Spain in five years' time may well look for Euro 2016 in France…

Manager – Pep Guardiola
Yet another year of trying to win every trophy going, being charming and magnanimous whilst putting up with José Mourinho’s eye-poking dottiness is more than enough for the Barça boss and his struggling hairline. A year away from the game, followed by a season racking up the cash for a club in Qatar, puts Pep in prime position to take over from the retiring Vicente del Bosque in 2014 and kick off the mother of all anti-Madrid Marca conspiracies as Guardiola calls up most of the Masia U-17 side for a qualifier against Wales, just to see what happens.

Goalkeeper – David de Gea
By 2016, the Manchester United keeper’s wonderful follicular fin stands three feet high and is topped off by the traditional Spanish mullet, once so beloved of Rayo Vallecano’s Fernando Torres. The early wobbles and "new Massimo Taibi" taunts of his first months at Old Trafford are swiftly forgotten – as are the memories of De Gea ever having played for Atlético Madrid, the United man using his wealth hiring hackers to wipe that embarrassing episode from history.

Right-back – Sergio Ramos
Having told anyone eyeing his right-back berth that he won't give it up without a fight – literally – the Real Madrid man holds the position for a further half-decade. Even in 2016 the defender, now 31, is still sprightly, even if his signature late hacks from behind aren't as (un)timely as in the glory days.

Centre-back – Alberto Botía
Despite being parachuted into the Spain squad at the age of 22 for the September 2011 matches against Chile and Liechtenstein, the former Barcelona boy turned Sporting star doesn't have an easy path to becoming Gerard Piqué’s defensive partner. Tactfully ignoring those three formative teenage years at la Masia he is bundled into the Santiago Bernabeu (after Ricardo Carvalho falls out with Pepe for good) and anointed another 'new Hierro'– only to become the new bench-bothering Raúl Albíol. However, then Florentino Pérez is forced to hire Botía’s former Gijon gaffer Manuel Preciado, having run out of coaches to ask. Being under his mentor puts Botía’s career back on track, with many a happy night for Spain.

Centre-back – Gerard Piqué
Being dumped by Shakira for Getafe’s Miguel Torres in late 2012 sends Piqué into a Hamburger Elvis phase for a couple of seasons, but the seething rage burning inside the Catalan defender still produces campaign after campaign of wondrous performances for club and country – despite the increasing length of time it takes to trundle up and down the field to harass the referee. By 2016 Piqué is 29, in his pomp and dedicating a passionate version of Against All Odds to Shakira during his post-Euro-2016-winning interview with Sara Carbonera’s younger replacement. Whom he then tries to get off with.

Left-back – Nacho Monreal
Moving to Málaga in summer 2011 was the best move the left-back ever made. While at Osasuna, international call-ups often led to sudden injury and Alvaro Arbeloa taking his berth. But all this will be a fading memory for the Pamplona-born defender who will be 29 in 2015 with two years at Real Madrid under his belt after Málaga go bust due to the 2013 Great Oil War instigated by President Michelle Bachmann.

Midfield – Sergio Busquets
A hopping mad Madrid press is forced to watch and admire Barcelona’s stranglehold on Spain’s midfield for a further five years. What’s more, Sergio Busquets simply can’t be budged out of his holding position. Indeed the Barça midfielder matures into his role of all-round dastardly villain of football by tattooing an evil black eye-mask and twirly moustache onto his face after an unfortunate black-out ending, team-building night out with the controversially appointed new Barcelona boss Dani Güiza.

Midfield – Cesc Fabregas
Winning 57 domestic trophies in the five years since leaving Arsenal makes Cesc Fabregas the outcast of both the Barcelona and Spain dressing rooms by 2015: having received 15 years' worth of Camp Nou self-satisfaction in a third of the recommended time, the Barça No.4 is still immensely gifted but utterly intolerable after mere minutes in his extraordinarily smug company.

Midfield – Santi Cazorla
In 2011 it seems as if the wonderfully talented Thiago should be Spain’s first-choice playmaker for years – and indeed the Barça midfielder makes the position his own for two seasons. But the sight of Cazorla’s disappointed, sad puppy face being repeatedly told that he won’t be starting breaks Guardiola’s heart to such an extent that the hyper-motivated midfielder is a first pick every time for Pep’s side.

Forward – Pedro
Poor old Pedro spends another five years being forgotten by pundits talking about Barcelona’s star-studded line-up. “What a team, Clive: Messi, Villa, Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Piqué, Alexis.” Not even the tiny words “I’m a World Cup winner as well, you know” secretly sown into his club shirt seem to make much of a difference. But it doesn’t stop the Canary Islander picking up a whole bag of caps for his country.

Forward – Alvaro Negredo
The general bolshiness of the Sevilla striker increases in direct correlation to the number of goals he bangs in over the next five years. Which is a lot. In 2011, Negredo pushes Fernando Llorente and Fernando Torres out of the Spanish squad; in 2013, it’s David Villa’s turn to be dumped on his bum – literally, after an unfortunate training ground incident influenced by the pumped-up Primera Pichichi spending an ill-advised all-nighter watching cage-fighting.

Forward – David Silva
Following a chance encounter with Chris Eubank after a Manchester City match, David Silva encourages the constant description of him as ‘elegant’ by never being seen without a top hat and monocle during a three-year spell in the Premier League. A return to a newly-enriched Valencia soon brings Silva down to earth, though.

Sevilla boss Del Nido looking to lead a revolution in La Liga

Tim Stannard — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 15:19:00 GMT

Well, who’d have thunk it? A club president in Spain keeping their word. The gentleman to manage this monumental achievement is Sevilla big-wig José María del Nido, with his threat to overthrow the forces of darkness in La Liga.

The Andalusian has had a constant bee in his bonnet with regards to the state of La Liga and the competition-ruining inequality of the carve-up of the TV income between the haves and the other 18 penny-pinching sides that form La Primera.

That’s not surprising considering Sevilla are supposed to be challenging the top two on a regular basis - and criticised heavily when they predictably fail to do so - despite receiving just €31 million a year in TV money compared to the whopping sum of €135 million doled out to the dilettantes of Barcelona and Real Madrid to keep them in the manner they have become accustomed to over the years.

Last week, Del Nido reacted with some gusto to the thrashings doled out to Zaragoza and Villarreal by the big two by offering the opinion that La Liga was the biggest load of old wee-wee in the world. Del Nido then warned his club “are not ruling taking drastic measures and having boycotts.”

Rather than this being a lot of hot air or fruity trifle with a truffle topping, Del Nido has followed up his threat by calling a gathering of Primera presidents for Thursday - minus Florentino Pérez and Sandro Rosell - to discuss what del Nido perceives to be “the unfair division of the television rights.”

Del Nido claims 15 clubs have confirmed they will be represented at the meeting with some “planning to boycott.”

“There’s no turning back,” warned the Sevilla boss at a press conference on Tuesday, “it’s a revolution of the masses like the French Revolution. How did the king of France end up after that?” joshed Del Nido to journalists frantically googling away on their smart-phones for the answer.

The Sevilla president claimed that key allies, Valencia and Atlético Madrid, will be heading down south to check out the revolutionary rumblings and will help to start the process of “making La Liga the best in Europe again.”

Sandro Rosell and Florentino Pérez are unlikely to have been able to come to the meeting anyway, as both seem to have very full plates at the moment - something that they are sure to have in common with their revolutionary rivals during Thursday’s mammoth din-dins session.

The Barça bigwig is preparing for the upcoming annual gathering of club members on September 24, where Rosell will have to get the sponsorship deal struck with the Qatar Foundation through a vote of approval - something that may not be too easy considering the whole affair makes the culé collective still feel a little queasy, despite the sums involved in the €30 million a year deal.

“We would be a lot smaller,” warned Rosell in La Vanguardia if the partnership was ultimately rejected.

“Without Qatar, Barcelona would not be able keep everything it has: the best squad in the world, the best coach in the world, the biggest multi-sport club in the world, the training centre where most money is invested. Our rivals would have the advantage,” argued the king of the Camp Nou.

According to Tuesday’s AS, Florentino Pérez is busy plotting once again to stick a roof on the traditionally wet and rainy Santiago Bernabeu as well as build a five star hotel with luxury shops and a restaurant in what is currently the car park in front of the main entrance.

The hotel's main purpose, according to the paper, is to “rent out suites with views of the pitch so that fans can see Real Madrid games (12-0 tonkings of Racing - LLL) without leaving their rooms.”

“In the most modern stadiums in England and the US this is quite normal,” explains AS to less than enthusiastic supporters who may inhabit the profile of fans who earn under a million a year - a profile that one suspects Florentino would like to eliminate.

LLL is still waiting for word on whether Rayo Vallecano are also planning a similar move. That news is unlikely to come until the end of the week as their president along with many others are more concerned with survival rather than luxury hotels or what to do with the awkward business of a load of free cash from the Gulf.

Caparrós is Swiss Cheese as Spain’s footballers unite for a fight

Tim Stannard — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 13:52:00 GMT

Having been cruelly booted out of San Mamés over the summer with his boss losing the presidential election, Joaquín Caparrós was perhaps on the look-out for a bit of adventure.

The former Athletic Bilbao boss certainly found that with Swiss side Neuchatel Xamax and their ‘maverick’ Chechen owner Bulat Chagaev, having become the fourth manager to be fired from the club since the very potty president took over in May.

Jokin’s five match spell was ended on Friday, apparently for having dinner with his players. This heinous crime took place after Chagaev allegedly entered the dressing room with pistol-packing bodyguards to give the players a piece of his rather frightening mind after a 2-2 draw with Lausanne Sports.

“One day they are going to kill all of us. If you miss a pass or make a mistake you are afraid something will happen,” revealed a player who unsurprisingly wished to remain unnamed.

Caparrós was on his way to catch the Spanish national team’s fiery 3-2 win over Chile in St. Gallen before being told that his Neuchatel number was up.

“What happened with Caparrós was easy to understand,” explained Chagaev to a pant-peeing AS journalist in an interview published in Monday’s edition. “We lost the feeling, the perfume ran out.”

Chagaev also denied that his players received an extra terrifying incentive to play well during the next game, claiming that what happened in the dressing room did not involve guns, explaining that “you have to demand that they do their job well as they are professionals and I have great aspirations for Neuchatel Xamax."

Chagaev has not been slow in finding a successor for Caparrós, with Víctor Muñoz looking for a fresh Chechen experience having pulled out of a deal Russian outfit Terek Grozny to allow Ruud Gullit to take over the side.

He and his Spanish playing crew of Víctor Sánchez, David Navarro and Javier Arizmendi will now be looking to make it through the next round of matches unscathed in a footballing and very physical sense.

The match that Caparrós missed out on, Spain’s victory over Chile, broke the recent tradition of la Selección not really giving two hoots about friendlies, and also helped the ease the straining relations between the Barcelona and Real Madrid players in the squad. The warring factions united to go toe-to-toe with the Chile players in a brawl in the final seconds of the encounter.

“When we are all here we are all teammates and we defend La Selección” declared Cesc Fabregas, who scored two goals in the Swiss affair to continue a rather excellent spell since leaving Arsenal for the Camp Nou.

“We’re all fighting for the same cause and we’re all team mates, there’s no doubt whatsoever about that,” explained the other goalscorer Andrés Iniesta - words that will no doubt mean that José Mourinho will need to begin his mind-wiping, anti-Barça reprogramming process from scratch when his footballers return from Tuesday’s game against Liechtenstein.

Primera Transfer Guide: Rayo’s Forgotten Man and Madrid’s Misfits

Tim Stannard — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 11:37:00 GMT

Our man in Spain, Tim Stannard, completes his run-down of the summer's transfer action from la Liga...

Mallorca
Michael Laudrup’s side hung on as long as they could to keep the want-away creative midfielder Jonathan De Guzman from going, but their desperately gripping fingers were stomped on by Villarreal’s big boots and the Dutchman moved to El Madrigal for €8 million on deadline day. At least De Guzman offered a goodbye present to the Mallorca fans with a goal and three points in the 1-0 weekend win against Espanyol.
Best signing - Alfaro

Osasuna
La Liga Loca has already caught sight of Osasuna’s most expensive purchase this season, Lamah - a midfielder bought from Le Mans for €1.5 million - and really enjoyed the cut of his jib in a cameo at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday. Aside from this potentially positive purchase it wasn’t a good window at all for Osasuna on the football front with Nacho Monreal and Javier Camuñas going, but at least the Navarrans did make a bit of cash in the process.
Best signing - Raúl García

Racing Santander
Like the two comrades in arms above them in this list, Racing are also penniless spending zero money over the summer and receiving nowt in return. The side from Santander’s only business on deadline day was to pick up central defender, Bernado, on loan from Sevilla. Hardly hats thrown into the air stuff really.
Best signing - Lautaro Acosta

Rayo Vallecano
The forgotten man of forgotten men in the shape of former Real Madrid defender, Raúl Bravo, was the only bit of deadline day business in the Workers Paradise of Vallecano. However, a few days before, the club did manage to pick up striker Dani Pacheco - on loan from Atlético and on loan from Liverpool - along with hamster-faced Espanyol legend, Raúl Tamudo.
Best signing - Raúl Tamudo

Real Madrid
A final tally of €55 million spent and just €7 million recouped reflects Real Madrid’s traditional strength when it comes to signing players they want but their problems in ditching their unwanted trash. Although cash was received for Ezequiel Garay and Sergio Canales, the club failed to get anything up front for Pedro León, Fernando Gago or Royston Drenthe, who moved on loan to Getafe, Roma and Everton respectively. Perhaps the strangest news on deadline day was Lassana Diarra staying with Madrid after reportedly turning down offers from Spurs and AC Milan despite apparently complaining that he wasn’t getting enough minutes under José Mourinho.
Best signing - Fabio Coentrao

Real Sociedad
In the end la Real managed to hold off the lusty advances of Atlético Madrid for French winger, Antoine Griezmann, who remains a Real Sociedad player at least until the rumours start up all over again on September 2nd. It was a quiet day all round in Anoeta summing up a slumbersome transfer window for la Real with just two new footballers coming to San Sebastian.
Best signing - Carlos Vela (not too many options, though)

Sevilla
There was no transfer day business for Sevilla, but it was a hectic summer for new manager, Marcelino, who cleaned out the Sánchez Pizjuán cupboards of 13 players including moldy old staples such as Renato, Drago, Ndri Romaric, Didier Zokora, Diego Capel, Mouhamadou Dabo and Lautaro Acosta. With Gary Medel and Ivan Rakitic joining over the winter window, just five players came in for a side that has already got the better of Málaga on the pitch.
Best signing - Probably Piotr Trochowski as he was free.

Sporting
A poor bit of business for Sporting saw Diego Castro moving to Getafe for free without an experienced replacement coming in. Fans would have hoped that a striker may have been bought on deadline day after the scoring problems Sporting had on the opening day in 2-1 defeat to Real Sociedad, but it was all quiet on the Asturian front in the end.
Best signing - Oscar Trejo

Valencia
Despite Racing carving up the Valencia defence on a number of occasions in their 4-3 loss on Saturday, Unai Emery had always planned to bring in a couple of defenders to balance the amount of attacking talent brought in over the summer. Sneaking in just before the window closed was Víctor Ruiz returning to la Liga after a tricky half season in Serie A for Napoli. Right back, Antonio Barrágan, also joined from second division Valladolid.
Best signing - Sergio Canales

Villarreal
LLL didn’t think Villarreal would make it into September with both Giuseppe Rossi and Nilmar on the Yellow Submarine books but they managed it. However, Santi Cazorla was sold to Málaga to help pay the bills - one of the few clubs in la Liga to adhere to such a concept. “Villarreal manage their economic commitments by selling top players. Others go into administration,” complained club president Fernando Roig. It wasn’t all bad news for Villarreal in the midfield department though as some of the Cazorla cash was spend on Jonathan De Guzman from Mallorca, with the Dutchman costing €8m.
Best signing - Jonathan De Guzman

Zaragoza
An €11.5m debt to current and former players and going into administration hasn’t stopped Zaragoza having some fun in the transfer market. This was thanks to an investment fund that is helpfully chipping in to pay for players, such as goalkeeper Roberto and Juan Carlos. The latter turned out to be a Sporting Braga player on loan to Zaragoza, much to everyone’s surprise when Sunday’s Real Madrid clash came around. Unfortunately, Zaragoza seem to be doing absolutely nothing to do the right thing elsewhere. “Their president (Agapito Iglesias) told me he would pay the debts. He’s not a man of his word,” said Spanish Players’ Union president, Luis Rubiales. Zaragoza were busy bees on deadline day with three players including Ikechukwu Uche shipping out and strikers, Helder Postiga and Espanyol’s Luis García moving in, with the latter being one of the most surprising transfers of the summer.
Best signing - Luis García

Part One: Atlético's overhaul & Barca's tasty buys

Primera transfer guide: Atlético's overhaul & Barca's tasty buys

Tim Stannard — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 12:00:00 GMT

With the transfer window now closed, Tim Stannard assesses the wheeling and dealing of Spanish football's finest...

Atlético Madrid
A whopper of an overhaul of last season’s squad saw first teamers Kun Agüero, Diego Forlán, David de Gea and Tomas Ujfalusi moving out and nine new players coming in. Then there were a couple who were in-and-out in the space of a day, such as Liverpool's Dani Pacheco, who was immediately farmed out to Rayo Vallecano. Of the four players the hard-up Rojiblancos paid cold, hard cash for, Falcao looks the pick of the bunch although perhaps a little pricey at €40 million. But that’s the way that Porto seem to roll these days. The deadline day loan swoop for the off-kilter Diego from Wolfsburg could be a move worth watching too.
Best signing - Falcao

Athletic Bilbao
Marcelo Biesla has been left with a fairly small first team squad of just 19, though that's mainly down to the fact there isn’t exactly a huge global talent pool of Basque-tinged players out there for the Argentinean to chose from. Athletic’s prize purchase - and only purchase, to be fair - was made very early doors with Ander Herrera joining from Zaragoza. Expect youth-academy raiding ahoy, in the campaign to come.
Best signing - Ander Herrera

Barcelona
The sale of Zlatan Ibrahimovic - something AS managed to overlook in their calculations in Thursday’s edition - along with the flogging of Masia misfits Bojan and Jeffren sees Barcelona’s net spending for the summer in the region of €8 million. For that, Pep’s Dream Boys have picked up Cesc Fabregas and Alexis Sánchez - two players that already look tasty buys despite la Liga being just a week old. A central defender would have been handy, mind, if not for la Primera but the Champions League where there might actually be some stern opposition...
Best signing - Cesc Fabregas

Betis
With enormous debts owed to everyone - but especially former and current players - Betis have found it to hard to both attract and pay for footballers this summer. The Seville club’s best hope of beating the dreaded drop was the loan signing of Roque Santa Cruz from Manchester City. Aside from that, it was slim pickings in the transfer market for broke Betis.
Best signing - Roque Santa Cruz

Espanyol
A truly disastrous window for Espanyol sees the Pericos hoping to bring free agent Walter Pandiani back to the club at the grand old age of 35. There’ll be plenty of space in the dressing room when the Uruguayan is looking for a peg, with Luis García moving to Zaragoza on deadline day, following former striking partner Osvaldo out the door. With José Callejón joining Real Madrid, it’s been a transfer policy based more on financial concerns than football for poor Espanyol.
Best signing - slim pickings but Juan Albín

Getafe
Club president Angel Torres will be fairly happy with his summer’s dealings, having brought in 13 players and shipped out nine for an overall profit of €12 million. The final deal was done on the last day, with Pedro León returning to his former side on loan from Real Madrid with José Mourinho hoping the midfielder never darkens his doorstep again. Dani Güiza is another old boy going back to the Coliseum where he had a sensational spell between 2005 and 2007 along with some fine nights out in the Spanish capital.
Best signing - Pedro León

Granada
Some major changes were needed at Granada with the southern side hoping to survive the sharks in la Primera after back-to-back promotions. Five footballers have been brought in from Benfica, mostly on loan. The deadline day also saw former Zaragoza striker Ikechukwu Uche moving straight to Granada, having been bought by Villarreal in a strange but not untypical bit of business this summer.
Best signing - Ikechukwu Uche

Levante
Just €200,000 was spent by Levante this summer, with the club choosing to keep much of the €7.5 million from the sale of Felipe Caicedo - and quite wise too, with the Valencia-based side pocketing about 85p from the TV money pot this season, as Real Madrid and Barcelona fill their respective boots.
Best signing - Koné

Málaga
Despite an opening day defeat to Sevilla and possessing a giant novelty chequebook, Málaga decided against adding to the nine players and €56 million spent already this season with the club happy enough with their brand new toys.
Best signing - Santi Cazorla

Part Two: Rayo’s Forgotten Man and Madrid’s Misfits

Sevilla president slams 'prostituted, altered and corrupted' Primera

Tim Stannard — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 09:15:00 GMT

Far from being concerned by the alarming and tedious ease with which Real Madrid and Barcelona waltzed into the top two spots of the league table after just one round of matches - Madrid didn’t clamber to these lofty heights until the fourth match-day last season - the cheerleading media in both cities are evidently delighted by the prospect of every single game this year resulting in five or six nil strolls for their clubs, with absolutely no pretense of competition at all.

Luís Mascaró, writing in Catalan daily Sport, sums up this head-in-the-sand attitude with his lip-smackingly enthused response to Madrid’s 6-0 win over Zaragoza and Barça’s five goal stomping of Villarreal - a Champions League side, let’s not forget - with a prediction that “the duel between the Whites and Blaugranas will be spectacular, exciting and close” - three adjectives that probably won’t describe the other 72 league games the two teams play over the coming months.

Marca are equally as thrilled about the next nine months and have picked through the evidence of Real Madrid’s Spanish Super Cup matches and demolition of the mighty Zaragoza to find seven exciting improvements from last year’s version of the paper’s masters from Mordor.

The insightful article reveals that Madrid are “an almost perfect machine” - aside from losing both Super Cup games - and gush over the fact that the new Real Madrid is faster, more precise, more intense and “more team”. LLL suspects the change is entirely down to Karim Benzema stepping away from the BBQ over the summer and occasionally turning his French frown upside down.

AS, meanwhile, are rather irked by the notion that Friday's European Super Cup win gives Barcelona more titles than Real Madrid, with the Catalan press claiming the score as 74 to 73 in the Camp Nou side's favour. Tuesday’s edition claims Barcelona’s Inter Cities European Fairs Cup trophies of 1958, 1960 and 1966 don’t count and gives a tedious history of the competition to explain why - an explanation that can probably be boiled down to the fact that Real Madrid didn’t win them. At the end of all this, the paper makes to the tally so far 73 to 71 in Madrid’s favour.

Meanwhile, it is the usual rabble-rousing duo of Sevilla president, José María del Nido and his counterpart at Villarreal, Fernando Roig, who are very much seeing the bigger picture in la Liga. The pair have been constantly vocal about the dangers of a two-tier league and the need for a more equal share in the TV revenues but are getting nowhere in the process.

Seeing his side get thrashed at the Camp Nou left Roig claiming that issues needed to be resolved in la Liga sometime soon or “we’ll kill Spanish football.” “If they want just two games, then have two games but it’s not good for football,” said the Villarreal owner.

Del Nido was even more forceful arguing that the Spanish league is “not the biggest mess in Europe, but in the world,” and wondered “how many fans there were tuned in after 30 minutes in the second half of Zaragoza against Real Madrid?

"Is there a fan out there who doesn’t say that the league is prostituted, altered and corrupted?” added the fuming Sevilla president.

If the Andalusian was reading the love shown towards this year’s version of la Liga by some of the papers this week, del Nido would discover that there are at least two...

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo’s Ben Stiller face & Soldado’s sexy Saturday

Tim Stannard — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 09:44:00 GMT

Our man in Madrid Tim Stannard returns with his weekly round-up as another season of Primera Liga action finally gets underway...

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo
You can only imagine the Madrid man’s Ben Stiller-style scrunching face of fury as he watched Roberto Soldado bang in a hat-trick on Saturday to throw down a gauntlet of doom in the first game of the season - the same one the forward pulls when he can’t quite get his hair just-so, perhaps.

However, it was a happier, smilier one on Sunday night when the Portugal star grabbed his seventh hat-trick for Madrid in a demolition of Zaragoza that was impressive despite the opposition not being much cop, frankly.

Unlike Madrid's sluggish start to last season which began with a goalless draw against Mallorca, José Mourinho’s side have already scored as many goals in their first game as they did in the first five matches of last season. That maybe good news for Madridistas, but not exactly great for everyone else watching on and hoping for something other than 36 white washes this season and two battles against Barcelona.

Barcelona
La Liga Loca can count at least seven reasons for an enormous smug cloud hanging above Barcelona after Monday night’s 5-0 win over Villarreal - a cloud so dense and orifice-clogging it may lead to mass evacuations.

Leo Messi scored two goals to keep in touch with Ronaldo in the Pichichi chase. Cesc Fabregas looks like he has settled in very nicely, with an impressive league debut performance topped off with a goal. Fellow 'noob' Alexis Sánchez also popped up with a goal. Barcelona played very well against decent opposition without Xavi for the first 55 minutes of the game. Thiago scored one and set up two. Finally, Barça played with just three at the back with only one of those players being an out-and-out defender. Grab the gas masks and run for the hills!

Roberto Soldado
In the space of a year the Valencia forward has transformed from an ever-so-slightly gormless looking forward signed from Getafe to replace to David Villa, to ever-so-slightly gormless looking leading light for the Mestalla men. The striker, who once admitted that he liked to take care of business with the ladies after scoring a goal in the only way a real man can, had three reasons to get jiggy on Saturday night after a hat-trick against Racing gave Valencia a precarious 4-3 win in what was easily the best Primera game of the season (with just two matches gone at the time, mind).

Normally, this feat wouldn’t be a enormous surprise, as Soldado tends to score in spurts and Racing aren’t exactly very good these days. But the achievement of this weekend’s triple is that the former Real Madrid man’s second and third goals in the last three minutes turned the game on its head, and prevented angry cries of ‘Unai out!’ from the volatile Valencia fans, for the next two weeks at least. Instead, the Valencia boss has a fortnight to fix the leaks at the back before his side host Atlético. Then again, maybe the Valencia coach has a little bit longer than that judging by Sunday’s performance from the Rojiblancos...

Imanol Agirretxe
Some rather slack marking from Sporting gifted the 24-year-old forward two easy headers to give Philippe Montanier his first league win in charge of Real Sociedad. It’s a testament to a fine youth system - and complete lack of cash - that Agirretxe was one of seven home grown players who started for la Real - many with equally as impossible to spell names such as Illarramendi and Zurutuza.

Racing Santander
Yes, they may have lost 4-3 and yes, two goals might have been conceded in the last few minutes for another Héctor Cuper nightmare moment, but the side from Santander did manage to grab three in return - more or less the total LLL predicted for the whole campaign - and they actually looked pretty decent at times. New striker Lautaro Acosta, on loan from Sevilla, certainly seemed like a footballer who had been let of a leash of some kind - unsurprising after just seven league starts for his former club over the past three years.

Alvaro Negredo
With a shaved head and pulsating veins, the Sevilla striker is looking lean and mean these days and showed it with two clinical efforts against Málaga to let the upstart moneybags neighbours know who still wears the trousers in Andalusia.

Andrés Fernández
The Osasuna keeper began the day on the bench, but was brought on at the end of the first half and had a sensational match to help win Osasuna a very handy point indeed. The stand-in game-saver sums up the spirit in the Osasuna camp, where scrapping and fighting is the order of the day as defender Sergio, told LLL after the match. “We know that to win a game or get points we all have to play at 100% with every player giving everything. There’s going to be a group of about ten teams fighting not to go down. We have to fight every minute for every point up until the end and hope that everything goes well.”

Betis
A useful if unspectacular win for Betis at a ground where the Andalusians would have needed to pick up three points if they were to stay up this season, but there was still a sniff of second division fodder about the Seville side on Saturday night.

José María Movilla
It’s a result that will no doubt be far from the headlines but Rayo’s point against Athletic Bilbao in San Mamés was a magnificent one for the Madrid side. The scorer of the goal was the club captain Movilla, who has had to hold a squad together through promotion last season, broken promises over outstanding debts to the footballers over the summer and also a player strike in the camp. The equalising effort in Bilbao was a just reward for the 36-year-old midfielder.

Mallorca
“Tedious” was Marca’s sniffy sentence on Mallorca’s 1-0 win over Espanyol that came about from a deflected shot from Jonathan De Guzman. Michael Laudrup, for one, won’t really care about the judgement.

Bad Day

Atlético Madrid
Feels comforting to see the Rojiblancos back in the 'Bad Day' section doesn’t it? Like a lovely, snuggly blankie.

With Kun Agüero leading the line, Atleti would have enjoyed a comfortable 2-0 win against Osasuna, despite the fine performance from the aforementioned Andrés Fernández. Indeed, Falcao might have done the business, but a contract hiccup with Porto means that the Colombian forward is unable to play for his new team until 31st August.

However, the goalless draw was Atlético once again making life very difficult for themselves by chucking away silly points at the Vicente Calderón, which was still a lively, bustling place at midday on a Sunday, in a game the side did more than enough to win. Then again, Gregorio Manzano’s men very nearly lost it in the final seconds, so it could have been a heck of a lot worse for Atlético.

Manuel Pellegrini
It could have been a far more challenging Monday for the Málaga manager after Sunday’s loss at Sevilla. After all, Eduardo Inda could still have been in charge of Marca - a situation that would have seen the paper calling for the Chilean’s head after the opening day setback. Clearly, there’s a lot of work still to be done, but a look at some of the names on the team sheet is proof enough that the good times will surely be coming sooner rather than later at the club.

Athletic Bilbao
“Athletic was a confused team,” admitted Marcelo Biesla on his league debut for the Basque club after the poor 1-1 draw with Rayo Vallecano.

Sporting
First item on Manuel Preciado’s to-do list this week must be getting Sporting a proper striker. Well, it’s probably second behind trimming the old lip tickler. Or maybe third behind trimming the old lip tickler and having a good old swear to start the day. Either way, Sporting are going to struggle this season if they don’t get one, as the 2-1 home defeat to Real Sociedad showed.

Granada
The biggest survival lesson in la Primera has already been learned by Granada - getting players to throw themselves to the ground and look hopefully at the referee, as the home side did for much of the first half of Saturday night’s Betis clash. Although it’s early doors, there was not a lot on show to suggest that Granada’s stay in the top flight will be anything other than brief.

Espanyol
Mauricio Pochettino has about three days to find a replacement for the departed forward, Osvaldo, or it could be a painful season for the Pericos.

Zaragoza
There will be a very indifferent feeling in the Zaragoza camp this week, as the Aragonese side gets one of its four expected thrashings by Madrid and Barcelona this season out of the way early doors.

The Casillas-dropping, Güiza-welcoming weekend predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 09:18:00 GMT

Saturday

Sporting v Real Sociedad

After an epic late night session of Sergio Ramos proportions, the Spanish League (LFP) and Players’ Union (AFE) finally came to an agreement and gave each other a hearty back slap in the early hours of Thursday morning. After a couple of weeks of bickering, the LFP agreed to increase the size of payments into a slush fund to cover the debts owed to Spain’s footballers by clubs (Betis and Zaragoza for the most part) and thus peace was made.

The postponed first round of football from last weekend will now take place over the weekend of January 21st/22nd with the newly displaced round 20 now being moved into May just ahead of round 36.

This sees Sporting kicking off the ‘new’ new season in round two, while celebrating one of their players being called up to the Spanish squad for the first time in 13 years, with defender Alberto Botía one of six European U-21 champions joining Vicente Del Bosque’s senior squad for the upcoming games against Chile and Liechtenstein.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia v Racing Santander

“Juan Mata and Ariz Aduriz are not for sale” declared Valencia president Manuel Llorente at the beginning of July - a good six weeks before the whopping wonga of Chelsea was waved in front of the men from Mestalla to break one half of that promise.

But as Marca declare on Friday, it’s “goodbye Mata, hello Mata” for Valencia, with the Spanish club facing Chelsea in their Champions League group, along with Bayer Leverkusen and Genk. “It’s an attractive group because of the presence of the London team, but it’s also tough,” mused Unai Emery. “Of course, it’s going to be special for Valencia fans to see Juan in Mestalla in a shirt that isn’t Valencia’s.”

“I wish him all the luck in the world,” added the Valencia coach, “less so when he faces Valencia.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Granada v Betis

It won’t just be rival Primera fans flicking through their pre-season guides wondering who the heck the newbies for Granada are, but also the locals ahead of Saturday’s clash between a couple of freshly-promoted sides.

Granada have been busy transfer bees over the summer, with the incorporation of 16 new players. All 16 were expected to have come from Granada’s partner club, Udinese, but to date just two have joined from the Serie A outfit.

Betis have also been reasonably busy in the market, and have managed to attract nine new players despite holding the shameful position of the club that owes most money to its present and past players, the princely sum of €18m - a total that includes €2m to Caffa and €1.6 to Sergio García. Indeed, it could be argued that the Seville side are single-handedly responsible for last weekend’s AFE strike.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Atlético Madrid v Osasuna

Three eye-opening events occurred in the life of Atlético Madrid over the past week. The first was the €40 million paid to Porto for Falcao - players from that particular Portuguese side tend to cost a little bit more than everyone else for some reason. Secondly, the decision of the Colombian to miss out on Champions League football (and the glamour of facing Shakhtar Donetsk, Zenit and APOEL...) with Porto in favour of another year of Europa League action and an eighth-place finish in la Primera for Atlético.

Still, it could have been worse for Falcao, as the third curious event of the Rojiblanco week took place on Thursday, when Atlético sensationally managed not to balls up their campaign by winning 4-0 away at Guimaraes to progress to the Europa League group stages with a 6-0 aggregate victory.

Falcao is going to have to make sure he gets a nice early night on Saturday ahead of the forward’s league debut, as Sunday’s kick-off time is at the blog-happy time of midday, as Atlético and la Liga try to tickle the fancies of the Asian market.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao v Rayo Vallecano

Athletic should have been facing Trabzonpsor in Turkey on Thursday in their Europa League qualifier, but caught a break when their opponents were promoted to the Champions League due to the alleged match-fixing naughtiness of Fenerbahce, who were kicked out of the competition, to leave the Basque side a nice, free passage, as it were.

Rayo had their first piece of good news in about three months with the announcement that free agent Raúl Tamudo, and his 136 Primera goals, would be joining the People’s Republic of Vallecas for the season.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca v Espanyol

Having travelled without permission to Italy for “personal reasons” last week, it was no real surprise to discover that Perico striker Osvaldo had signed for Roma for a whopping €18.5m - €10m for the player, €2m for the tattoos, and €6.5 for reasons that the blog cannot fathom, with the Argentine / Italian being fantastically overrated.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe v Levante

A joyous occasion at the Coliseum on Sunday with Dani “the night confuses me” Güiza making a triumphant return to a club where he once rang president Angel Torres in the early hours of the morning looking for directions home, and was put onto a liquid diet to calm a booze-tossed tummy. Sunday’s game is also a special one for Getafe boss Luis García who faces the club he left over the summer.

That side, Levante, have also pulled off a bit of a coup by signing up Sevilla striker Koné on loan for a year to fill the space left by the departing Felipe Caicedo in what LLL suspects may be one of the handiest transfers of the season.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza v Real Madrid

A particularly gossip-ridden week in the Madridista world despite the club only having its annual Santiago Bernabeu trophy game to occupy themselves. It began with the rumours and denials that José Mourinho would be leaving Mordor and ended with the theory that captain Iker Casillas had been dropped for Wednesday’s friendly game against Galatasaray.

This punishment is thought to be the result of phone calls reportedly made by the Madrid man to Xavi and Carles Puyol in an attempt to patch up relations between his side and Barcelona - a concept Mourinho isn’t really a fan of, although The Eye-Poking One denied Casillas was benched. “He can call whoever he likes,” said Mourinho.

Oh, and just when everyone things were back to normal in la Liga after the strike, Sunday’s clash between Zaragoza and Madrid may not be televised due to a dispute between the home team and a TV company over an unpaid debt. So, in a sense, everything is back to normal in la Liga.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla v Málaga

La Liga Loca’s pre-season prediction of a glorious fourth place finish come May for Sevilla took another step of coming true with the Andalusians managing to knock themselves out of Europe after a loss over two legs to Hannover, leaving their midweeks largely free for rest and relaxation for the next 12 months. Sevilla’s bigwigs seem less pleased with the result, though.

“It’s a strong blow,” admitted coach, Marcelino, after a defeat that forced his president, José María del Nido, to issue a statement of confidence to the Sevilla supporters. “Our objective is still Champions League qualification. In our first year under Juande Ramos, we were knocked out by Cadiz in the cup but we still went on to win the UEFA cup.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Monday

Barcelona v Villarreal

Barça find themselves in the Monday night dead zone spot normally reserved for the dearly-departed Deportivo due to their European Super Cup clash against Porto on Friday night.

Their opponents are Villarreal, a team whose celebrations at successfully fighting their way through to the Champions League were cut short when they ended up in the group of doom alongside Bayern Munich, Manchester City and Napoli. “There was an Englishman, a German and an Italian,” began a defeatist Javi Mata writing in Friday’s AS in response to the draw. “Although it seems like a joke, it’s a joke in bad taste.”

“We’re undoubtedly in the hardest group, it’s tough but we’ll fight to the end,” promised Villarreal president, Fernando Roig.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mourinho out, then back in, as Supercopa squabble investigation looms

Tim Stannard — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 10:07:00 GMT

La Liga Loca must admit that it is currently strutting about in the good old US of A and enjoying five successive days of breakfast buffets and maple syrup-drenched bacon yummy goodness, and is therefore catching all the news from la Liga in one giant, seven hour-delayed data-burst.

And what an dramatic day Tuesday turned out to be, with headlines of “Mourinho quits!” “Mourinho doesn’t quit!” “Mourinho apologises for being a classless tool!” “Mourinho doesn’t apologise for being a classless tool!” bursting through the this blogger’s phone browser.

The first story began with a rumour that Mourinho had once again felt a lack of support from his bosses after the Supercopa eye-poke and wanted to leave through the back gates of Mordor, ignoring the fact he had gotten his immediate superior, Jorge Valdano, fired over the summer and that no Madrid suit was ever going to agree that it’s perfectly acceptable to jab someone in the eye without some kind of prior warning...

The rumour spread through Spain in earnest after a message detailing Mourinho’s high huffiness levels was apparently issued by the Portuguese’s advisor/spokesman, Eladio Paramés, thus giving it some credibility. However, the message came from a phone that Paramés claims he hasn’t used for a year and was not a genuine one.

The story forced Mourinho to publish a sprightly, exclamation mark-dominated message on the club’s website denying he was leaving Madrid.

Jose invites Vilanova to 'come and have a go if he thinks he's hard enough'

“There is no way I am leaving. No way!” yelled the Special One’s special letter, which boasted of his Madridismo being greater than “some pseudo Madridistas.” The memo then offered what came as a complete surprise to LLL - an apology for his behaviour in the Supercopa. Well, sort of...

The Madrid manager sounded like he was completely stark-raving mad by bleating that “some people are better adapted to the hypocrisy in football than I am, and they hide their faces and speak in whispers deep inside tunnels.” Tito Vilanova obviously didn’t hide his face well enough, it would seem.

It turned out to be a busy day in the club’s media department, as the poor office minion who must often find himself asking “you really want me to publish this? Really?” had to repeat his question when the club published a paranoid rant of a statement in response to the announcement that the RFEF would be investigating the antics of both José Mourinho and Tito Vilanova during the Supercopa clash.

“Real Madrid CF wished to express how surprised it is to see this investigation is being ordered five days after the match, curiously just a few hours after the President of FC Barcelona demanded the Spanish Football Federation take action,” read the tin-foil hat-wearing club's statement, before plumping for the “they started it” defence by blaming Barça for “humiliations, insults and aggressions” against the players and coaching team on the pitch and in the tunnel.

Florentino Pérez must now be desperately hoping the currently stalled talks over the players’ strike somehow become unstuck before the weekend, as the football-free news agenda is merely causing the Supercopa stink to go on and on and on and on. Although, as the head of the institution, Pérez must surely be shouldering some of the blame.

How do you solve a problem like Mourinho?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 08:00:00 GMT

Those football fans in Spain unable to stay up to the ludicrous time of one in the morning last Wednesday to see Spain’s Supercopa second leg clash, but who wanted to catch up with all the net-busting action on the state broadcaster’s 24-hours news channel RTVE, would have seen some shocking sights from the Camp Nou over their ham and cornflakes the next day.

There was poor José Mourinho in slow-mo action being smacked around the side of the head by nasty old Barcelona assistant coach, Tito ‘Pito’ Vilanova, in a scandalously unprovoked attack. Fortunately, the Special One was true to his gentlemanly nature and refused to respond to the cowardly Catalan attack by retreating to his corner with a smile.

Of course, that was all bunkum, with Mourinho being the real trouble-maker, kicking things off with a cheeky pinch to Vilanova. But some RTVE viewers wouldn’t have known that, after a bit of creative editing which completely changed the story in Madrid’s favour and forced Barcelona to draft a stern letter of complaint in response.

Despite state television doing their best to portray Mourinho as the victim of the whole affair, that argument - like Sergio Busquets after a gust of wind - was never going to get off the ground any time soon. So, with football absent from the weekend’s sports agenda, the repercussions of the Camp Nou chaos have rumbled on in the papers’ opinion pages instead.

The condemnation from the Barcelona press has been predictably forceful, with Sport’s Luís Mascaró fuming that “Madrid and their media cavern [...] have used manipulation to try and defend the indefensible.” Even the Catalan arm of the channel in question called out their brothers in the Spanish capital for what they saw as 'manipulation'.

Mourinho’s behaviour in yet another defeat to Barcelona was so appalling that even Marca didn't bother trying to support the Madrid man after the event. “Mourinho knows what the coach of Madrid represents and this is not part of the roll,” wrote Santiago Segurola in Saturday’s edition, “he behaved like a little boy, incapable of accepting defeat.” The paper’s leading writer put some of the blame on Florentino Pérez for failing to control his coach and noted that “recent times have given the impression of a president who has given up considerable power.”

Marca even tried being Mourinho’s apologist by running a story claiming the Madrid manager had split into personalities, Superman II style, to argue that “José Mourinho is not happy with José Mourinho.” Which version climbs out of the car crusher at the end of their final duel will be interesting to see.

AS at least tried to chuck some muck in Barcelona by moaning that a Leo Messi ‘talking’ hand gesture towards the Madrid bench after his winner was ‘disrespectful’, but in the end in was a half-hearted effort.

The most remarkable aspect of a remarkable event is that Mourinho looks like escaping without punishment from an action that would see some kind of legal ramifications were you to perform it on someone in the office canteen or a fellow consumer in the queue at Starbucks.

This is mainly because Barcelona have decided not to take the matter any further, with club president Sandro Rosell claiming Tito Vilanova wanted to forget the whole thing and that the club wanted to “end this atmosphere of antagonism.” LLL wonders if Real Madrid would have taken the same path had Pep Guardiola sauntered over from his bench to kick Aitor Karanka in the nuts...

Mourinho’s actions will no doubt fade from memory, but the Madrid manager has already set the tone for the season - either accidentally or deliberately. The nastiness levels between Barcelona and Real Madrid have already been cranked up another notch from last year.

Not only is that likely to lead to a fairly poisonous ten months in the media, but it could also further damage the spirit in the Spain camp, with Málaga’s Santi Cazorla warning that currently “the situation is at the limit.” When Gerard Pique warned that Mourinho was “destroying Spanish football” after last week's clash, the Barça stopper wasn’t just talking about la Liga, but it would appear the national team too.

The only person capable of reigning José Mourinho in is Florentino Pérez. However, the Madrid president has put himself in the position of ceding all power to his manager having fired Jorge Valdano, Madrid’s former Director General, over the summer, leaving him in the uncomfortable situation of having to turn a blind eye to Mourinho’s antics until the end of the season, while praying to the powers that be that his side win either the Champions League or la Liga in order to excuse the behaviour of his out-of-control coach.

The Great Season Preview 5/5: Sporting to Zaragoza

Tim Stannard — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:15:00 GMT

Sporting
Last Season 10th
Prediction 10th
LLL has a sneaky feeling that Manuel Preciado’s sixth season in charge in Gijon is going to be his most comfortable one, with no repetition of last year’s relegation and flirtation with getting well and truly fired. This does mean, of course, that Sporting are set to finish bottom of the pile, with the blog’s curse now firmly planted upon the club.

Diego Castro and José Angel have moved on; coming in to replace the former is Oscar Trejo, who definitely looked lively at Rayo last year on a loan spell from Mallorca. LLL suspects that another striker may be on the way, but it's a settled squad for Sporting this year with a coach they love to bits.
FFT Travel Guide: Sporting Gijon

Valencia
Last Season 3rd
Prediction 3rd
Valencia have already been declared by the blog to have been the shrewdest summer spenders, with some cracking attacking talent signed up such as Sergio Canales and Pablo Piatti.As well as these two forward players there’s also Roberto Soldado, who may well fancy his chances of sneaking into the Spain squad this season, although there is a bit of a queue in front of the former Getafe man.

The club is still likely to be a little off its trolly, what with Miguel still in the ranks and supporters always willing to get their hankies out for a wave of disgust at a moment’s notice. Heck, if things really go well for Valencia this season they may even be able to lay a brick or two at the new stadium, which has remained untouched for the past couple of years.
FFT Travel Guide: Valencia

Villarreal
Last Season 4th
Prediction 7th
It breaks the blog’s delicate little heart to say so, but there may be trouble ahead for Villarreal. The squad has been weakened with the departure of Santi Cazorla, a crucial figure for both his brilliant forward play and his cheeky-chappy smile. LLL would not be at all surprised if either Giuseppe Rossi or Nilmar are also sold off with the club still a selling one at the right price.

Villarreal’s slight drop down the table from last season’s position isn’t just due to transfers this summer, but the fact that Málaga and Sevilla have strengthened considerably to overhaul the Yellow Submarine – and leave them potentially out of the European places come May.
FFT Travel Guide: Villarreal

Zaragoza
Last Season 13th
Prediction 15th
It isn’t exactly nice to say this in respect for the club’s long-suffering fans but LLL would be ecstatic if Zaragoza were to pick up zero points this season and go down in flames. The club has been – ahem – creative in its accounting in recent months and managed to put itself into administration over the summer to avoid any punishments for failure to pay players both former and present.

According to a report in AS, that outstanding total stands at €13.5m, so LLL would be intrigued to know about the moral and financial hi-jinks required to be able to sign a goalkeeper for €9m as Zaragoza did with Roberto.

The club’s key strength is their coach, Javier Aguirre, who will do anything to get a victory and will squeeze everything out of his squad. Despite Zaragoza losing Gabi and Ander Herrera from the midfield, there is still enough talent kicking about to survive the season, but it could be a close call – like an awful lot of teams in la Primera this year.
FFT Travel Guide: Real Zaragoza

The Predicted Table in Full
1. Barcelona
2. Real Madrid
3. Valencia
4. Sevilla
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5. Málaga
6. Athletic Bilbao
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7. Villarreal
8. Atlético Madrid
9. Getafe
10. Sporting
11. Osasuna
12. Espanyol
13. Zaragoza
14. Mallorca
15. Levante
16. Betis
17. Real Sociedad
------------
18. Racing Santander
19. Granada
20. Rayo Vallecano

Previous previews:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis
Espanyol, Getafe, Granada, Levante
Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander
Rayo Vallecano, Real Madrid, Real Sociedad, Sevilla

The Great Season Preview 4/5: Rayo Vallecano to Sevilla

Tim Stannard — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 11:14:00 GMT

Rayo Vallecano
Last Season 2nd in Segunda
Prediction 20th (relegated)
Having enjoyed the festivities in Rayo’s peculiar three-sided stadium for the promotion party and the subsequent booze-up in Vallecas, it would be fantastic if the blog could predict a glorious return to top-flight football for the side. But that simply isn’t going to be the case. Instead, it’s going to be an awful, forgettable season for the People’s Republic of Rayo.

The club is still in a dreadful mess off the pitch with footballers who had gone up to 14 months without pay then being asked to take 70% less than the imaginary salary they were supposed to be earning previously. At time of writing, there is still a dispute over cash between the administrators and Rayo’s manager and sporting director; both key staff members could leave the club at the start of the season.

This lack of beans to rub together sees Rayo’s squad desperately thin and completely lacking the quality to stay in the top flight. Once-buoyant supporters are now truly despondent on the eve of the season when they should be giddy and gay; most are just hoping that the damage that Rayo are about to suffer over the next nine months isn’t too horrifying.
FFT Travel Guide: Rayo Vallecano

Real Madrid
Last Season 2nd
Prediction 2nd
LLL has already shown its goods and tipped Barcelona to win the title once again, but it really is by a margin of 50.0000001 and 49.something equally as small between the two sides. José Mourinho has seen that it doesn’t really matter how Madrid perform in the two league games against Barcelona in the campaign to come, but how they go in the other 36 matches.

Accordingly, Mourinho has beefed up the squad with two tasty players in each position (and Kaká); this is especially the case with the purchase of Fabio Coentrao for the previously Marcelo-reliant left flank. For Madrid, it’s all about keeping constant pressure on Barcelona by not dropping points to the likes of Mallorca, Levante, Almería, Zaragoza, Osasuna and Zaragoza and Sporting – the places where Mourinho came a cropper last season, albeit due to the obvious and enormous Spanish FA/UEFA/refereeing conspiracy against his club.

Having forced former Director General and sparring partner Jorge Valdano from the club, The Special One really has no-one else to blame if Madrid fail to deliver this year – aside from the aforementioned refs, fixture computer, opposition referees, ball boys, weather forecasters, coach drivers...
FFT Travel Guide: Real Madrid

Real Sociedad
Last Season 15th
Prediction 17th
LLL feels in its milky waters that the season is going to be a poor one for La Real after an occasionally sparky but eventually fraught campaign last year. The club took the somewhat bizarre decision to sack Martin Lasarte – who took the team up to la Primera and kept them there – and replaced him with a newcomer to la Liga.

French coach Philippe Montanier has built up a reputation for doing great things with modest teams, such as his last side Valenciennes, and has snuck across the border to try his luck in Spain. Marca hopefully predict that la Real will be a fun, attacking team to watch this year, but there have been very few changes to the squad over the summer. Raúl Tamudo has gone, among others, with three B-teamers being promoted and Carlos Vela brought in on loan to cover the gap.

Real Sociedad’s best hope to avoid the drop is hang on to promising French winger Antoine Griezmann, pray that Xavi Prieto performs once again as the side’s playmaker and that Joseba Llorente can stay injury free and perhaps grab 15 goals to keep la Real up.
FFT Travel Guide: Real Sociedad

Sevilla
Last Season 5th
Prediction 4th
Sevilla may have finished fifth last year, but it was a campaign where the club completely lost the plot and strayed off the path of righteousness. Club president José María Del Nido has realised this and allowed sporting director Monchi to completely rejig the squad.

The changes begin with the manager: former Racing Santander coach Marcelino has been brought in to add some verve, enthusiasm and fantastic duffel coats. The midfield is going to be the most interesting development area, with departing Didier Zokora and Diego Capel leaving a tussle for places between Jesus Navas, Ivan Rakitic, Diego Perotti and newbies Piotr Trochowski and Manu del Moral.

LLL is expecting a serene Sevilla for the first time in yonks and Alvaro Negredo to have his best season yet. When the side were playing badly, Sevilla came fifth. Playing well, fourth spot is looking very likely indeed.
FFT Travel Guide: Sevilla

Previous previews:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis
Espanyol, Getafe, Granada, Levante
Malaga, Mallorca, Osasuna, Racing Santander

The Great Season Preview 3/5: Málaga to Racing Santander

Tim Stannard — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 12:56:00 GMT

Málaga
Last Season - 11th
Prediction - 5th
To be in the Champions League or to be in the Europa League, that is the question for Málaga this season after a summer splurge of some €58 million on nine new players. The best of the bunch is Santi Cazorla - a real sturdy statement of intent from the club - although the appointment of Fernando Hierro as Director General and the extended contract given to manager Manuel Pellegrini should not be underestimated.

The Málaga squad is nicely balanced, with the newbies set to fit in well some old hats such as Duda and Apoño, although how quickly the side’s Chilean manager finds his favoured starting eleven is key with an awful lot of options in an impressive squad now.

LLL senses Málaga may not quite have enough porridge in the bowl for the Champions League places, but a fifth-placed spot is more than doable and won’t be a bad feat at all, especially if the club is genuine in his mantra of looking for long-term growth and success.
FFT Travel guide: Malaga

Mallorca
Last Season - 17th
Prediction - 14th
Mallorca still have that blood-pooping, glassy-eyed, coffin-dodging 25-year-old family mutt look about them, but somehow the Balearic side are limping along, clinging to life and still trying to chase very slow-moving cars. The usual fire sale of talent hasn’t materialised this summer, but this is largely because there was no-one decent left to flog, aside from midfielder Jonathan De Guzman who may be a goner by the time you read this blog.

The one footballer that Mallorca are going to miss is striker Pierre Webo, who has been the side’s most reliable goalscorer in recent seasons but ended a four-year associationg with the club over the summer in the biggest of huffs.

Michael Laudrup is doing his trumpet-blowing duty by claiming that the club is “better than last season” - a campaign that very nearly ended in relegation on the final day, despite having been in mid-table comfort for much of the year. Overall, the year is going to be a tough one for Mallorca despite Laudrup’s admirable optimism.
FFT Travel guide: Mallorca

Osasuna
Last Season - 9th
Prediction - 11th
Every season, LLL fears in its tummy that it might be the last one for Osasuna in la Primera, but each time everything seems to turn out all right for the Pamplona club who relied on the biggest of spurts at the end of the last campaign to survive.

There have been a few key departures in the Osasuna squad, with nut-job striking pair Walter Pandiani and Carlos Aranda moving on, while forward player Javier Camuñas made a €2.3 million move to Villarreal in one of the more curious transfers of the summer. José Luis Mendilibar, starting his first season with the club, has also seen his defence weakened with the loss of fullback, Nacho Monreal, to Málaga.

The words “Raul García” never normally inspire confidence, but the former Atlético Madrid midfielder is set to return on loan to his home club after a four year spell in the Vicente Calderón to help out with another survival battle.

La Primera without Osasuna is like Víctor Váldes not being a complete tool - unthinkable and half as much fun, so LLL is gamely predicting a decent enough campaign for the Northerners this year.
FFT Travel guide: Osasuna

Racing Santander
Last Season - 12th
Prediction - 18th (relegated)
As LLL likes to throw at least one prediction into the mix that deep down it knows will turn out to be wrong (last season, it was Athletic Bilbao to finish fourth) it is going for Racing to go down. The financial disaster which was the ‘buy-out’ by Ali Syed saw the club beginning the administration process over the summer and leaves the club completely skint and with a threadbare, demoralised squad that could only grab a goalless draw against an Italian Serie C club at the beginning of the month.

Racing have lost loan signings, Markus Rosenberg and Giovani dos Santos, and it is hard to see where the goals are going to come this year to keep the club in la Primera. Héctor Cúper is the manager unlucky enough to be in charge of this rabble for the season to come, although LLL feels in its water that the Argentinean will be the first to be fired, especially with Racing facing Valencia, Atlético and Real Madrid in their first five games.
FFT Travel guide: Racing Santander

The Great Season Preview 2/5: Espanyol to Levante

Tim Stannard — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 11:41:00 GMT

Espanyol
Last Season - 8th
Prediction - 12th
An odd campaign for Espanyol last season saw the Pericos duking it out with the big boys for the first half the year - over-performing enormously in the process - before flopping and flapping away like Angel di María in the second, largely due to the sale of the defence in the winter transfer window.

The cash-strapped club has been forced into flogging yet more wares with the flat-topped José Callejón joining Real Madrid and the potential sale of striker Osvaldo being a daily theme in the very, very back pages of the Spanish press.

This may leave the Perico squad a little thin, but there is certainly a big enough chunk of young talent around to leave Espanyol with a season which may be fairly uneventful in the grand scheme of things, but it should nonetheless be comfortable.
FFT Travel guide: Espanyol

Getafe
Last season - 16th
Prediction - 9th
The cash-splashing Team Dubai Getafe concept has yet to kick in gear - if it ever will - despite club president Angel Torres promising last season that the club would not have to sell €20 million of talent each summer to balance the books. Torres was partly correct, with Getafe merely selling €18.3 million of talent to balance the books and spending €3 million on one player, Real Madrid Castilla’s strop-meister Pablo Sarabia, and a gaggle of free-transfer signings.

However, some of those newcomers are actually shrewd moves, especially Diego Castro from Sporting and the Deportivo pair of Juan Rodríguez and Alberto Lopo, although this may lead to an awful lot of goalless draws in the new campaign. Getafe still desperately need a striker, and there are funds to cover this it seems with Bojan nearly being snapped up during the summer.

Arguably Getafe’s best move is the signing up of former Levante boss Luis García, who has the nasty whip-cracking streak lacking in predecessor Michel to get the best out of the Getafe squad and avoid a season like the last one which came alarmingly close to ending in relegation.
FFT Travel guide: Getafe

Granada
Last season - Play off winners from second division
Prediction - 19th (relegated)
La Liga Loca is not too proud to admit it hasn’t the tiniest of clues how Granada are going to do in their first season back in the top flight since 1976, when Spain was still making its tiniest baby gurgles and nappy-poops as a democracy. Therefore, LLL is going for the default prediction of relegation on the grounds that what the blog doesn’t understand, it fears and wants to destroy.

Granada, despite still being in administration from an earlier regime, have piggybacked off a connection with Udinese, using loan deals with the Italian side to achieve back-to-back promotions to la Primera, Norwich City-style. As it stands today though, just two players have moved over from the Serie A club with seven returning to Italy from last season’s squad.

They look like they are planning to make their moves in the transfer market late on and there is cash to spend, but jumping from the dead zone of third tier football in Spain to the top flight in just a couple of seasons - despite Racing Santander knocking about la Primera - may be a little bit to much for the Andalusian outfit.

Levante
Last Season - 14th
Prediction - 15th
The main point to make about Levante is that the team’s two pillars of footballing rock which saw them avoid the drop after an incredible second half of the season, striker Felipe Caicedo and coach Luis García, are both gone like Greased Lightening. The former Manchester City forward has joined Lokomotiv Moscow for €7.5 million, while García has taken his “Motivational Exercises for Dummies” book to Getafe.

In his place comes Juan Ignacio Martínez from Cartagena and a Cylon-fleeing rag-tag bunch of freebies and loan signings, such as Francisco Farinós and Carlos Aranda. What still seems to be in place though, despite a fair amount of change, is Levante’s fighting spirit. Quite literally in one case, with a pre-season friendly against NAC Breda having to be abandoned after 57 minutes due to a mass brawl. This desire to keep up the good fight in la Primera will see Levante through once again, but it’s going to be a might close call come May.
FFT Travel guide: Levante

The Great Season Preview 1/5: Athletic Bilbao to Betis

The Great Season Preview 1/5: Athletic Bilbao to Betis

Tim Stannard — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:56:00 GMT

Athletic Bilbao
Last Season 6th
Prediction 6th
A change of president at Athletic during the summer produced a change of coach. Argentinian loon Marcelo Bielsa replaces the rather hard-done-by Andalusian loon Joaquín Caparrós, which is a bit of a shame.

But, there may still be some fun to be had for LLL at Bielsa’s expense with the former Argentina and Chile manager bringing his years of managerial experience – and his Larry Grayson-style old-lady glasses – back to Spain after the briefest of spells in charge of Espanyol in 1998.

Bielsa has made the enticing promise to ‘stimulate’ the fans in the stands with high pressure, 4-3-3 attacking football rather than the more physical but nonetheless effective 4-4-2 ‘Hail Mary’ style that has flourished in recent years. The hope must be though that the side doesn’t become too fancy-pants and ruin Athletic’s hard-earned role as la Liga’s version of a wet November night in Stoke.

The arrival of Spain U-21 midfielder Ander Herrera from Zaragoza to support Javi Martínez, Iker Muniain and Fernando Llorente – whose name has been mercifully absent from the transfer speculation this summer – should push Athletic to another top six finish.
FFT Travel guide: Athletic Bilbao

Atlético Madrid
Last Season 7th
Prediction 8th
Whatever LLL predicts will be in store for an erratic Atlético Madrid, the club tends to do the opposite. The blog was bigging up a solid campaign for the Rojiblancos last year and it turned out to be soggier than a biscuit at David Cameron’s prep school.

With David De Gea, Kun Agüero and Tomás Ujfalusi all departing, Atlético are weaker than last year. However, the plus side for the club is that although Gregorio Manzano may not be the most excitable of managerial presences either on the bench or in the dressing room, the Atlético coach is very good at getting the best out of average players – something that could be useful with former Deportivo striker Adrián potentially leading the line with Diego Forlán, if a suitable replacement can’t be found for Kun.

Although Quique Sánchez Flores achieved all that he could at an institutional basket-case of a club, the former boss was a fiery fella, so Atlético may benefit from the no alarms and no surprises approach of Manzano. However, the players will need to over-perform if they are to make the top six this year, which must surely be the club’s objective.
FFT Travel guide: Atletico Madrid

Barcelona
Last Season 1st
Prediction 1st
The three newbies joining Pep’s Dream Boys are enough to make competitors in Madrid and Manchester weep with frustration. What was an already brilliant – if not slightly small – squad has been enhanced with the arrival of Alexis Sánchez, who may give little Leo Messi’s legs a rest from time to time, and the surprise purchase of Cesc Fabregas with Barça pretty much catching everyone off guard by nicking the midfielder off Arsenal.

The promotion of Thiago from the ‘B’ team after a fine summer with Spain U21s is another reason to think that Barça will be making it a fourth title win in a row. The same argument could apply to Real Madrid, who have also bought well, but the race this year isn’t really about who is better than the other in a head-to-head to encounter, but which team has the most consistency during the other 36 matches of the season. In this particular department, Barça are still a little bit ahead of Madrid, but it’s going to be mighty close.

Unless it’s a 20-point difference, of course.
FFT Travel guide: Barcelona

Betis
Last Season 1st in Segunda
Prediction 16th
LLL wouldn’t be at all surprised if one point separates 17th and 10th this season, so it has lumped Betis in for a finish just above the relegation zone – simply because there fill probably be four teams worse than the Seville side, who are making a very welcome return to the top flight after a two-year absence.

Betis are still in a huge mess financially and in administration, which is why just two players have so far been brought in for cash. Furthermore the club have chosen to sell influential midfielder Achille Emaná, a footballer who has been hugely important for Betis over the years.

One advantage the club has is its fans, who will love being back in la Primera. Another is the kind fixture list that sees Betis playing Granada, Mallorca and Zaragoza in the first five matches - a fine chance to put some lead in the newly promoted club’s pencil at the beginning of the campaign.
FFT Travel guide: Real Betis

Why Spain’s footballers are right to strike

Tim Stannard — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 13:09:00 GMT

Strike threats are not that unusual in Spanish football; there have been two in the past eight months.

The first came in December from the Players’ Union (AFE) over salary payment issues for its members. This was followed by a threat at the end of the season from the Spanish League (LFP), which wanted to pressurise the government into a law change making every match in the weekend schedule pay-per-view.

Although both strikes were eventually blocked by the courts, there was always the feeling that the threats were merely point-making bluster from both groups. This is not the case with Thursday’s strike call from the AFE which would postpone the first two rounds of la Liga, on August 20/21 and 27/28, over a dispute with LFP concerning a salary fund to cover the non-payment of players’ wages.

“Clearly this is no small threat, it’s very serious,” admitted Spain’s secretary of sport Albert Soler, who called for dialogue between the two sides to continue. “I can tell you and assure you that we will not play,” confirmed a resolute Iker Casillas after the strike threat was made.

At the moment, there is a serious impasse after three months of talks over a renewed agreement between the two parties. AFE president Luis Rubiales says that the €40m offered by the LFP for a fund to cover the salaries of footballers who are not paid by their clubs is insufficient and that strike action is the only way that this point can be made.

“There won’t be any football until a new deal is signed,” said Rubiales at an announcement where he was flanked by 100 footballers including Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Fernando Llorente and Carles Puyol. “We don’t want more money, but that contracts are kept,” said the AFE president, claiming that Spain was “bottom of the pile” in Europe in terms of players’ rights.

LFP president José Luis Astiazarán, who himself lead a strike threat in May, argued that “I don’t understand the reason for the strike; I don’t think the AFE have reasons at the moment to call it.” Astiazarán claims that up to €70m has been offered to a fund, with €30m for three years retroactively and more for the remaining four years of the agreement.

The response from the AFE was that this is only €40m in real terms and that the debt to footballers in la Liga currently stands at €50m owed to 200 players: “We only want that everyone can enjoy a healthy competition where footballers are treated equally from one team to another.”

It’s a case supported by the fact that six of this year’s Primera sides are in an administration process. Footballers for newly-promoted Rayo Vallecano, for example, are only just starting to receive a chunk of the money owed to them after some players went 14 months without pay.

The LFP argue that there simply isn’t the cash to give the AFE what it demands and that talks must continue. “How can the LFP share what it doesn’t have?” argued the League’s president.

Should the strike go ahead then the action would be devastating to a fixture list which is already stuffed due to midweek league games, Copa Del Rey contests, European fixtures and international matches. It would almost certainly require the cancellation of the Christmas break, something that the AFE would not be in favour of either.

AS call the potential strike “a disaster” while Marca urge caution and warn the AFE that it “must understand that the strike has an impact across all sectors.”

Emilio Pérez de Rozas in Sport laments the mismanagement of Spanish football that sees clubs with a collective debt of €3.5 billion with €694m owed to the tax man. “What’s most amazing is that the head [of the LFP] is the same person who ruined Real Sociedad,” says the Sport columnist on former la Real president Astiazarán, quoting a report by administrators attacking the accounting standards of the club under his presidency. “This gentleman is the man chosen by the clubs to lead Spanish football.”

The strike called by the AFE will undoubtedly cause disruption and disappointment for fans both in Spain and those who planned to travel from abroad to see la Liga. However, the situation is so serious that the footballers have little option. “Year after year, there are a lot of players without pay and promises must be fulfilled,” says Málaga coach Manuel Pellegrini.

The strike’s cause doesn’t concern the likes of Iker Casillas or Carles Puyol, who have given it their whole-hearted backing, so much as their less fortunate colleagues in la Primera – and more especially in the second and third tier of football, where wages, when they actually arrive, are already low.

The wholesale mismanagement of Spanish football and incompetent use of resources should not result in footballers being unable to afford the petrol to get to training – as happened with Rayo Vallecano last season. The strike will probably result in no change in the players’ predicament and could well make the situation worse for many with clubs losing income for that period. But unfortunately, the AFE has no other option left and must see the strike threat through unless its demands are met.

Neymar recants and midday matches

Tim Stannard — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 10:57:00 GMT

Alarm bells were ringing in the Marca offices on Monday. The hotline to Florentino’s office was flashing red. The security doors slammed shut to prevent anyone from leaving the premises. The unthinkable had happened. Marca was at DEFCON 1.

Somewhere across the universe a footballer who doesn’t play for Real Madrid, has never played for Real Madrid and hasn’t been signed up to play for Real Madrid dared to opine that Real Madrid isn’t the best team in the world and doesn’t have the best player, either.

That particular footballer was young upstart Neymar, who happens to be the very marketable apple of Florentino Pérez’s eye. Neymar’s crime was to give the reprehensible opinion that Barcelona are “the best team in the world and they’ve got the world’s best player.”

The Brazilian billboard was talking to FIFA’s website ahead of the World Club Cup. Although a little early – the tournament isn't until December – it might be seen as a relevant forum for sharing his thoughts on possible opponents for his club side Santos. But this was still unacceptable behaviour in Marca’s world.

Even AS tutted at Neymar’s glaring football error, Tomás Roncero lamenting that “each day he shows more signs of immaturity” with the added suggestion that Neymar was being “manipulated” by FIFA in making such controversial comments.

Marca weren't going to let such slander go unpunished, dispatching a writer armed with thumbscrews to Stuttgart, where Neymar is currently staying ahead of Wednesday’s friendly between Germany and Brazil. Marca’s man didn’t let the side down – by the looks of the photo in the paper, collaring the rebellious youngster in a hotel corridor – and got the kid to confess that Real Madrid were “a great team, this year they can win everything with the players they have,” and that “Madrid are a great club with a lot of history, one of the best, no doubt.”

"What have I said now?"

With that terrible Barça-biased wrong now righted, the focus of the paper then changed to the publishing of the new fixture lists, which feature the Primera games over their usual three-day spread but now in nine separate slots, rather than the previous seven. Matches are now scheduled for 6pm, 8pm and 10pm on Saturday, then noon, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm and 10pm on Sunday, with the 9pm match of doom on Monday night.

LLL largely approves of the changes, with the early-bird blog appreciating the Sunday noon kick-offs, which are designed to please the Asian market. That said, it remains to be seen what interest the first match – Rayo Vallecano v Mallorca – will create in the Far East, with the response of viewers likely to be “Rayo who?”, “Where’s Messi?” and “Why does the stadium only have three sides?”

FFT Travel guide: Rayo Vallecano

However, it's less than happy with the matches finishing around about midnight on Sunday, with sleep-deprived Spain set to be even surlier than normal on a Monday morning.

It almost escaped the blog’s attention but Spain are apparently in action in Bari on Wednesday night in an all-important match that is no ordinary friendly. That’s certainly the message from the Spanish camp, anyway. LLL, for one, doesn’t believe a word of it as nine of Spain’s starters are likely to be in action on Sunday for the Spanish Super Cup – a considerably bigger fish to fry than a pre-season amble against the Azzurri.

FEATURE James Horncastle previews Italy v Spain

Valencia: Spain’s smartest spenders (no, honest)

Tim Stannard — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 13:43:00 GMT

This summer, LLL has been a bit ‘Carry On’ with a plethora of Sid James phwoarrs and Kenneth Williams matrons and raised eyebrows.

While not wholly unusual for the blog, this behaviour has been especially prevalent lately in reaction to Valencia’s signings. Every announcement of a player purchase by the Mestalla men has been greeted with noise of lustful approval like seeing Barbara Windsor’s boobs, which is stark contrast to the scoffing and swearing of three years ago.

A huge lump of the reason why Valencia are still in financial trouble is, rather neatly, a huge lump: the new Mestalla stadium, which has remained untouched by trowel or tractor since 2009 – when the club, under the disastrous leadership of Juan Bautista Soler, ran out of money to pay for it.

Valencia paid dearly for stadium construction and a failure to sell the land under the old Mestalla, but the club was brought to its knees by some insane spending in the transfer market between 2006 and 2008.

Whilst this summer’s current net outlay of €18.3m may seem a lot for an outfit that is still in what club president Manuel Llorente calls “a delicate situation”, Valencia did make a profit of €69m in the past two seasons thanks in part to the sales of David Silva, David Villa and Raúl Albíol. If times are still tough, Juan Mata can always be book-balancingly flogged to any number of interested suitors in the Premier League.

However, the profile of this summer’s purchases have been shrewd and astute rather than insane and insaner during the splurge that began four years ago. In that period, Valencia’s signings included a trouble-making, unproven Ever Banega for €18m, the non-scoring Javier Arizmendi (€12m), Nikola Zigic (€14m), Manuel Fernandes (€18m), Joaquín (€25m) and the quickly forgotten Italian striker Francesco Tavano (€10m). With some other rubbish thrown in (Sunny, Alexis, Del Horno, Hugo Viana) the total tally for two season’s shopping was an epic €94m.

Valencia’s new shiny brigade begins at the back with Almería’s Brazilian goalkeeper Diego Alves (€3m) adding some security, with the jury still very much out on the abilities of Vicente Guaita who ended last season as Valencia’s first choice goalie. With César Sánchez moving to Villarreal and Miguel Moyá going on loan to Getafe, this position looks solid as a rock.

The club’s first move of the new season came in, er, January when signing up the 25-year-old French international centre-back Adil Rami from Lille (to whom they immediately loaned him back while the unfashionable northerners set about winning the league title).

However, it’s further forward where the juices are really flowing after former Real Madrid midfielder Dani Parejo (€6m) joined from Getafe and the club managed to get their hands on 20-year-old Sergio Canales for a two-year loan spell in an attempt to rescue a promising career from a season spent as a José Mourinho outcast.

Almería was raided again with the purchase of a striker who is a bit of a neutral’s favourite in la Liga: Pablo Piatti, the blindingly fast wee Argentinian forward who will now get to play in a side with a bit of quality. Valencia are now especially strong up front with this attacking trio fighting for a spot with Juan Mata, Aritz Aduriz, Roberto Soldado, Pablo Hernández and the winter signing of another forward, Jonas.

New breed: Piatti (No.14) bags in pre-season at Lisbon

The Valencia squad now has a youthful, tingly feel to it, especially as the club has get rid of useless old duffers Asier del Horno, Vicente, David Navarro, Manuel Fernandes, although somehow David Albelda and Miguel Brito have managed to survive the latest cull.

Manager Unai Emery has bubbled that “we are loving working with players with such desire. Our situation means that we’ve had to find players of this time, either from the club or outside.”

The summer spending, which may yet include another centre-back and a right-back, sees Valencia as strong favourites to repeat their third-placed position in the season to come. What’s more, the team might even be able to shorten the distance between them and second place, last season a rather chasm-like 21 points. That really would be the sign of a miraculous summer of shopping.

Super build-up for Super Cup

Tim Stannard — Mon, 08 Aug 2011 13:20:00 GMT

The friendlies are all but over, the endless waffle and piffle concerning Cesc and Neymar have been banished to the inside pages, Karim Benzema has been reborn for the 15th time and Leo Messi is back in Barcelona ready to open another can of whup-ass on Real Madrid.

This is the state of play in the Spanish press just six days before what has been branded by one paper's rather feeble attempt at hype as “the most important Supercopa in 14 years”.

To be more accurate, it's six days until the first leg at the Santiago Bernabeu, with Monday’s Marca cover starting the countdown. To Marca's mind (such as it is), Madrid very much have the upper hand after a pre-season that has seen seven wins from seven against tough sides such as Leicester City and Tiajin Teda.

What’s more, a feeble, floppy Barcelona can only boast two victories from their six games with a genuinely concerned Pep Guardiola complaining that “before we had pre-seasons; now we do tours.”

“Every player knows almost from memory what has to be done against Barcelona in the first leg,” claims Marca. In Kaká’s case that will be the simple task of sitting on the bench for 90 minutes, claim AS, who award the only negative rating of the pre-season to the Brazilian forward.

AS are instead oozing over Karim Benzema, who appears to have eaten significantly fewer pies over the summer – something noticed by France coach Laurent Blanc – and begun running about a bit. This change of tack has coincided with eight goals, a clear indication of the 45 the Frenchman is set to score this season.

"Karim! Cakes!" Cruel Mou's mind games work on Benzema

In the Barcelona press, the only crumb of comfort after a few flat weeks on the pitch is Alexis and Leo Messi arriving in the Catalan capital for a week of training – which will be largely done alone, as the team’s Spain contingent head off for a ridiculously-timed friendly with Italy. “On Thursday, we’ll all be together for the first time and we’ll see how we are ahead of the Madrid game,” admitted Guardiola.

Elsewhere, Atlético Madrid eased past their Europa League pre pre pre-qualifying clash against Stromsgodset – but they now face a match against Vitoria de Guimaraes with just Adrián up front, what with Diego Costa out for six months and Diego Forlán off on his holidays. Rumours at the Vicente Calderón are still linking the club with Espanyol’s Osvaldo and Villarreal's Giuseppe Rossi, but both transfers are going to be tough ones.

Zaragoza continue to make a mockery of the administration system in Spain by signing goalkeeper Roberto for €8.6m despite having a debt of nearly €100m, including €92,000 owed to the returning keeper himself from a previous spell at the club.

And in terrible news for the blog and a league still reeling from the loss of Kun Agüero, another fine striker in Javier Arizmendi has abandoned Spanish shores by leaving Getafe and joining Joaquín Caparrós at Swiss side Neuchatel Xamax, where the forward’s talent of not scoring ever should be perfect for a team currently sitting at the bottom of the league.

Didn't you used to be…?: Five forgotten footballers of la Liga

Tim Stannard — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 15:10:00 GMT

Fran Mérida, Atlético Madrid
Surely LLL can't be alone in completely forgetting about the existence of the Atlético Madrid midfielder formerly known as the "new Fabregas".

Apparently, the 21-year-old made 17 league appearances for the Rojiblancos after his move from Arsenal in the summer of 2009, but this blog cannot remember a single minute of any of them. And records show that LLL was present and correct in the Vicente Calderón for many of them.

Then again, LLL tends to have second-half blackouts during Atlético games, due to the brain shutting down for its own protection. That and the huge clouds created by the jazz cigarettes which are regular features in the stands.

Mérida is one product of La Masia that Barcelona have no great desire to get back. For the current campaign at his current club, he is stuck in a logjam behind six other central midfielders.

Sergio García, Espanyol
A Euro 2008 winner, no less, who disappeared from this particular dimension – first by moving to Betis, and then sticking with the unfortunate Andalusians in the wilderness of la Segunda. In summer 2010 his chubby little chops popped up at Espanyol after a €1.8m move to El Prat land.

The Barcelona-born forward managed 21 fairly forgettable performances and four goals before falling injured in March. It was only when LLL had a look at the club’s squad list to see how much trouble they’d be in if Osvaldo left that it remembered the ponytailed 'poacher'.

Tom De Mul, Sevilla
LLL certainly recalls the Belgian midfielder being signed in the summer of 2007, but after that it’s an enormous, alien-probing-sized blank. Investigation shows this is because De Mul managed just nine league appearances in two seasons before going on loan to Genk in 2008/2009 before missing the entire past season through injury.

Tom is back in Seville and finds himself behind Jesús Navas and Manu Del Moral in the right midfield queue, so a freebie return to Belgium looks on the cards.

Arouna Koné, Sevilla
The Ivory Coast striker came from PSV Eindhoven in 2007 and was Sevilla’s record transfer at €12m, a figure since beaten by Alvaro Negredo. But unlike Sevilla’s stroppy Spanish striker, Koné has achieved zip all at the Ramon Sanchez Pizjuan.

Mind you, this is not entirely the Ivorian’s fault, due to two serious knee injuries in four years. Koné missed much of the 2008/09 campaign and went on loan to Hannover the following year before returning to Sevilla, where another knee injury kept the forward out of action until the beginning of 2011. So far, Sevilla’s €12m outlay has produced just one league goal for the club.

Alexander Hleb, Barcelona
Just think. The man from Minsk got to flounce about on holiday this summer telling all and sundry, quite accurately, that he is a Barcelona player. Fans of the club had clean forgotten this and it wouldn’t be at all a surprise if Pep Guardiola himself responded to a reminder on the first day of pre-season training with “Hleb? At the front gates? Is he? Really? Why? How?”

Now 30, the midfielder came from Arsenal in 2008, didn’t do a great deal, went to Stuttgart, then to Birmingham. Technically, should the Belarus-born footballer so desire, he could sit around by the Med getting paid by Barcelona for doing diddly-squat until next June.

Striker light – twice: Atletico lose two frontmen in one day

Tim Stannard — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 11:22:00 GMT

La Liga losing one of its brightest stars. Atlético Madrid in all kinds of trouble up front. Still not enough to knock their attention-sucking neighbours from the front pages of Marca and AS on Thursday.

Despite the €45m transfer being all but done and dusted the previous evening, with Kun Agüero tweeting that he was a Manchester City player – and apparently also aware that the club isn’t in North London or Madrid, unlike Robinho – both papers still felt the need to point out how great Real Madrid are.

AS cooed over how well José Mourinho’s signings were doing in pre-season, while Marca were full of love for Karim Benzema after the French forward scored two goals against Hertha Berlin to apparently push himself to the front of the striking queue ahead of the still-holidaying Gonzalo Higuaín. “Now he thinks about football the same way I do,” said a contented Mourinho after the 3-1 win in Berlin.

Both papers missed what was possibly worse news for Atlético than Kun’s departure, which was hardly the greatest of surprises. During the training session ahead of Thursday’s Europa League qualifying clash at home to Stromsgodset, Brazilian forward Diego Costa ended up with a cruciate ligament knack that could see him out for six to eight months.

Now Atlético's forward department consists of Adrián – a freebie from Deportivo who only scored eight league goals last season – and Diego Forlán, who has just decided that he wants to stay at the Vicente Calderón after all despite a year of moaning and groaning about the concept.

To be fair to the Uruguayan, he jetted into Madrid on Wednesday to make himself available for Thursday’s key clash. “I’m tired, but after a couple of days' rest it will be worth the effort.”

Although many supporters will still rank Kun alongside David De Gea as a mercenary who abandoned the club which watered and nurtured them, there will be some relief that the Argentinian is off to Manchester City rather than Real Madrid.

"Where do I sign?" Aguero in Manchester

“This move [the one that didn't happen] would have done a lot of damage to the Rojiblanco fans,” writes AS's FJ Diáz, who thinks that Kun will still miss Atletico. “Agüero has gone to the cold and rain of Manchester. One day, he’ll miss the warmth from people who loved him like no other.”

Marca feel that Kun fell victim to an honourable Real Madrid deciding against upsetting their neighbours. “Despite being a player who would have been just the right thing for the team and been the preference of the fans – much more than Neymar – Florentino and Mourinho have been true to their word and did not want to take advantage of the situation. Real Madrid preferred to maintain good relations with the Rojiblancos.”

Atlético big cheeses Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil will have an immediate sense of the supporters’ disquiet over the summer’s transfer dealings on Thursday night at the Vicente Calderón with the Europa League qualifying clash against their Norwegian opponents. It’s a game coming at the end of a week that could get even worse club if they get the wrong result on the night.

Crybaby Capel & Banega’s Facebook Fumble

Tim Stannard — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 16:47:00 GMT

LLL has no doubt at all that Manchester United goalkeeper David De Gea's goodbye letter to Atletico Madrid supporters last week is somewhat connected to his earlier farewell press conference at the Vicente Calderón, in which he made the terrible error of not seeming to give a flying one about moving on.

After all, the youngster had broken with the strict la Liga tradition which requires departing footballers to blub like overtired toddlers. Rather than begging fans' forgiveness for wanting to multiply his salary 700 times, De Gea looked like he was announcing his intention of popping out to get some ciggies and a kebab.

Diego Capel certainly didn’t make that mistake with a press conference that some might call moving but LLL would brand as plain pitiful. Reading from a letter – or rather, snivelling and shooting mucus from his nostrils whilst trying to do so – the diving diva of Sevilla praised his former club’s “constant, demanding but faithful support,” and confessed rather bizarrely that he was leaving for Sporting Lisbon with his head and conscience clear.

On Monday, LLL reported Valencia had published a code of conduct for their players to teach them how to behave properly both off the pitch and in cyberspace.

LLL, Mon 25 Jul: Alexis arrives, Bojan blubs and Kaka runs out of credit

The blog’s prediction that this would be a huge waste of paper turned out to be proved right just a day later when Ever Banega got himself to trouble on the internet again – there were no tissues involved this time – when a photograph of him wearing a Real Madrid shirt was published on the Argentinian’s Facebook page. “Everyone is responsible for their own acts,” said midfielder David Albelda. “It’s Ever who must give explanations.”

Over in Mordor, Real Madrid went back to training for the first time since their two-week jaunt to the US. José Mourinho was not at all happy to find rejects Pedro León, Royston Drenthe and Lassana Diarra still at the club, with all three being forced to run around cones far from the Chosen Ones of the squad.

Marca reports that Zinedine Zidane will be called away from Tuesday’s crucial job of checking on the printer toner stocks to suggest to the trio of footballers that they might want to move on to any club desperate enough to have them. Even, if necessary, Tottenham Hotspur.

With Neymar and Santos digging in their heels over the Brazilian’s move to Madrid, Florentino Pérez has unleashed an even bigger figure to persuade the mohawk-sporting maverick away from Brazil. Marca writes that Perez is sending in The Real Ronaldo to do the business by sitting on Neymar’s father until he relents and persuades his son to sign on for a stint in Spain.

In the biggest U-turn since made since the game when Maniche decided to track back, Diego Forlán is showing how much he now loves Atlético Madrid by reportedly promising to be back in time in the Spanish capital for Thursday’s Europa League tie against Stromsgodset.

And finally, Sport bring their readers the exclusive news that Pep Guardiola is still fantastic and still much, much nicer than that Meanie-head Mourinho with José Maria Casanovas opining that “his performance has been exceptional, with the added value that he’s someone who is sincere, humble and positive.” Aw.

Alexis arrives, Bojan blubs & Kaká runs out of credit

Tim Stannard — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 13:12:00 GMT

There was grinning and gushing, shrieking and spurting in the Catalan capital last weekend, as there was finally something for Barça fans to talk about aside from how stupendously superior they are to every other side on the planet and how much they hate those dastardly dastards over at the Bernabeu.

Alexis Sánchez and Udinese finally came to an agreement with Barcelona in a deal worth €26 million up front, €11.5 million in variable fees and an odd little clause relating to friendlies worth €6 million that nobody in Spain is really that sure about...

However, Serie A’s balance with Barcelona remains equal, as the Italian league is gaining bowl-haired Bojan, with the little forward being flogged to Roma for not being particularly good over the past couple of seasons.

However, the wee nipper sees things slightly differently, and blames Pep Guardiola for his exit. Coming over all Samuel Eto’o/Zlatan Ibrahimovic, he whinged: “[Guardiola has] not been fair to me many times and that’s one of the reasons I’ve decided to go.”

"Yeah, well you can't flog me, because I quit..."

Up in the Spanish capital, Atlético Madrid are having their usual pre-season freak-out, with a couple of 45 minute long matches against Granada and Besiktas seeing the Rojiblancos twice defeated and twice failing to score - not exactly great preparation for Thursday’s Europa League whopper against Norwegian outfit Stromsgodset. What’s more, Kun Agüero surprised nobody by failing to show up to training as ordered on Sunday.

However there was good news, with the club having an offer to fill the vacant spot on the front of the club’s shirts from Ashley Madison, a company that ‘assists’ those not exactly happy in their relationships in finding 'joy and happiness' elsewhere.

“It’s a good fit for us,” explained a spokesman for the company where good fits are a speciality. “It’s a club that ends stereotypes and is an innovator.”

AS have once again given Kaká a good old kicking for his somewhat flaccid performances in Real Madrid’s pre-season matches in the USA, claiming the forward “is beginning to run out of credit.” LLL would note that Kaká began having his footballing credit card declined by Madrid fans a good 12 months ago.

Kaka chills out in the LA sun, while some other men play a football match

Meanwhile, “Mou Team 2.0” - as Marca now like to call them - are still trying to bring Neymar kicking and screaming over from South America. despite the Santos player and president being not overly keen on the notion and their manager, Muricy Ramalho, claiming the forward wouldn’t enjoy the technical discipline of life under Mourinho. “The problem with Neymar is that he can’t play in a fixed position,” opined the Brazilian boss on his wandering star.

Valencia have solved their ongoing disciplinary issues once and for all by issuing the famous, but often pointless, code of conduct that will soon be propping open Miguel Brito’s front door to save him from trying to get his key in the lock at seven in the morning.

Finally, LLL had discovered the unluckiest player in la Liga in the form of Rayo Vallecano's Javi Fuego. The midfielder has experienced the process of administration at Sporting, Levante, Recreativo and now with his current club.

“Unfortunately I know quite a lot about this,” sighed the midfielder, who is quite possibly the worst footballer in Spain to ask if you can borrow a tenner...

The mood of the La Liga nation – Sevilla to Zaragoza

Tim Stannard — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 15:07:00 GMT

LLL's Tim Stannard completes his temperament-testing tour of the Spanish top flight

Sevilla
Mood – In the happy bunny camp of cheer

Canny Sevilla supporters already sensed their team’s ‘end of a cycle’ before last season had even started and they weren’t to be proved wrong either with what was largely a forgettable campaign saved by a late sprint for a European place akin to a dash to the loo after some iffy seafood.

Twelve months on and things are a lot perkier in the sweltering city of Seville with Marcelino in charge of the club and at least two hate-filled derbies against Betis to look forward to.

FFT Travel Guide to Sevilla

Club president José Maria Del Nido remains out of prison, his corruption trial still ongoing. Sporting director Monchi appears to have found his magic scouting touch again with last season’s recruitment of Ivan Rakitic and this summer’s purchases of Coke (to give the side a lift), Getafe’s Manu Del Moral and former Hamburger Piotr Trochowski. Sevilla v3.0 looks like being a solid one with Marcelino claiming that a third-placed finish was quite possible for his team.

Sporting
Mood – Boooooo!!!!!!!

The free transfer of Diego Castro to Getafe and departure of José Angel to Roma, with a couple of lower-league freebies coming in, isn’t what has been antagonising Sporting fans in the past week or too. Instead it was the unveiling of the club’s new first team strip, which still carried the traditional red-and-white stripes – but with the white featuring rather too dominantly for supporters who booed it at the official unveiling.

FFT Travel Guide to Sporting Gijon

The protests from the supporters in the all-powerful message boards forced the club and manufacturers Kappa to agree to work on tinkering with the design to something a little less... white. Either that or do nothing until the season has already started and it's all too late.

Valencia fans prepare to pull hankies from pockets

Valencia
Mood – White hankies at the ready

The club is still avoiding bankruptcy, Juan Mata hasn't been sold – although Unai Emery hasn’t ruled the possibility out – and what’s more, a few handy footballers such as goalkeeper Diego Alves, Dani Parejo and Pablo Piatti have been signed.

However, that won’t stop some of the most notoriously grumpy supporters in Spain booing and hankie-waving during the first match of the season if things don’t go immediately well for the men from Mestalla.

FFT Travel Guide to Villarreal

The glass is always very much half-empty for Valencia fans, who prefer to focus on the negatives of their side. If it were the other way round then there are a lot of reasons to be cheerful in the season to come, with some fresh faces around the squad coming in and the departure of some grumpy old goats – such as Vicente and Miguel Brito, who has been told he can go do one.

Villarreal
Mood – In a holding pattern

For the moment the average Villarreal fan is reasonably content. But all that could change over the next month, with a Champions League qualifying match and the possible sales of Giuseppi Rossi (pictured) to Juventus and Santi Cazorla to Málaga, two players that would ruin a cracking team no matter what money was raised to replace them.

FFT Travel Guide to Villarreal

The €2.3m purchase of forward Javier Camuñas from Osasuna may not be a headline-grabber but Villarreal have gained a real Scrappy-Doo fighter (if less irritating) to help out a squad that occasionally lacked a bit of backbone last year. Colombian centre-back Cristián Zapata, arriving from Udinese, may turn out to be a shrewd signing too. But for the moment, it's very much wait and see in the Villarreal camp.

"Ooooooooooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping' down the plain…"

Zaragoza
Mood - acceptance of what is about to come their way

Just when LLL thought Zaragoza couldn’t sink any lower after some of the skin-saving antics the side pulled last year, the club goes into administration – giving it legal protection from automatic relegation due to the debts held to its footballers and other clubs for transfers.

FFT Travel Guide to Zaragoza

However, this hasn’t stopped the side signing the odd player or two with midfielder Juan Carlos joining from Real Madrid Castilla joining for €2.5m – a giant middle finger to other sides who are owned money by the arrogant Aragonese outfit.

The better news for supporters of truth, justice and the American way are that Ander Herrera has left for Athletic Bilbao with Gabi going to Atlético Madrid, to leave Zaragoza without two of their best players from last season.

Nevertheless, Zaragoza fans will still be hopping mad over their owner Agapito Iglesias, whose chronic mismanagement has left the club with debts of nearly €100m – but happy to still be standing and facing another year of Primera football.

The mood of the La Liga nation:
Athletic Bilbao, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Betis, Espanyol
Granada, Getafe, Levante, Malaga, Mallorca
Osasuna, Racing Santander, Rayo Vallecano, Real Madrid, Real Sociedad
Sevilla, Sporting, Valencia, Villarreal, Zaragoza

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation - Osasuna to Real Sociedad

Tim Stannard — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 15:45:00 GMT

La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard continues to ponder exactly how fans of La Liga's twenty clubs will be feeling, as their heroes (and the rest) return to pre-season training...

Osasuna
Mood – Violent

Pretty much the only thing Osasuna supporters get excited about this time of year is the thought of the three promoted teams joining la Primera, and with it the chance to intimidate and then run out of town some fresh sets of supporters.

Aside from that, the close season is a bog standard one for the Osasuna mob. As usual they have no cash in the coffers, and their debts mean that their half-decent players have left, with the sales of Javier Camuñas and Nacho Monreal to Villarreal and Málaga respectively raising €8.3 million - enough to keep the wolves from the door, for now...

FFT Travel Guide to Osasuna

Arriving at the club are the usual freebies. This year that group includes Rubén González, a defender who did the most un-Osasuna of things in his spell at Real Madrid by crying after being repeatedly made to look like a bit of goose by José Antonio Reyes. Osasuna fans will not forget that in a hurry, especially when this big girl’s blouse of an arrival is balanced with the departure of the wonderfully thuggish front two of Carlos Aranda and Walter Pandiani.

"Green and white? Not really my cup of tea - cheerio..."

Racing Santander
Mood – About to start walking into the sea

The debacle that was the ‘buy-out’ of the club by Indian businessman Ahsan Ali Syed has left Racing Santander entering the process of administration. This has left debts to players past and present outstanding, which has in turn meant zero signings.

This leaves the average Santander fan contemplating ending it all. The front pair of Giovani dos Santos and Markus Rosenberg have returned to their clubs after their respective loan spells, while the rest of the team presumably have their agents on redial, desperately trying to get out of Racing as fast as humanly possible.

FFT Travel Guide to Racing Santander

In a recent friendly game against the wonderfully-titled German outfit Wacker, 19-year-old former ‘B’ team player Julián Luque and 87-year-old Pedro Munitis were the club’s forward line. No goals were scored, although Racing didn’t lose. That’s the best news the club has had all summer.

Rayo Vallecano
Mood – Right behind the Racing fans on the beach

It should have been a summer of merry excitement and mass binge-drinking for Rayo supporters following June’s promotion back to the top flight. But instead, hardcore fans have started camping outside the stadium’s main entrance in a protest against the club falling into administration, failing to pay its players (although this is starting to be rectified after the squad went on strike - amazing coincidence that), and huge price hikes for season tickets.

FFT Travel Guide to Rayo Vallecano

In fact, the situation is so desperate that a despondent Rayo supporter that LLL knows confessed that he would even accept a loan deal for Fernando ‘Lady’ Gago, things are so grim down in Vallecas.

The best Real Madrid team ever? No.

Real Madrid
Mood - The most excited they’ve ever been ever. Apparently.

Judging by ramblings of Marca this week, Real Madrid supporters must be vibrating with so much positive energy that they could slip through the cracks of space-time into a parallel dimension. The website poll on Tuesday asked fans whether the current squad was the greatest in Madrid’s history, after a 4-1 friendly victory over LA Galaxy where Fabio Coentrao looked fairly decent as one would expect for a €30m player.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Madrid

However, considering 77% answered ‘no’ to that particular poser, it seems José Mourinho still has some work to do on the transfer market. Besides, what is happening at the Santiago Bernabeu over the summer is less of a concern this year. Instead, it’s Barça’s ongoing failure - at time of writing - to land Cesc Fabregas or Alexis Sánchez that’s more of interest in Mordor this month.

Real Sociedad
Mood – Jimmy Hill contemplative chin-rubbing

The Basque club may be boasting 600 more season ticket holders than last season, but it’s a sign of some doubts over the year to come. Unknown Frenchie, Philippe Montanier, has taken over as coach from the sacked Martin Lasarte, and Atlético Madrid have had a €7m offer for the club’s brightest star, Antoine Griezmann, turned down.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Sociedad

The Rojiblancos will surely be back with another bid, and losing the 20-year-old Frenchman would be a bitter blow to la Real. With little activity on the transfer market, the club's supporters are very much in screen saver, stand-by mode at the moment.

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation - Getafe to Mallorca

Tim Stannard — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 15:13:00 GMT

For the second time this week, La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard puts on his corduroy jacket, polishes his leather couch, cranks up some soothing Kenny G and assesses the mental wellbeing of the fans of all twenty clubs in la Primera, with most teams now back in pre-season training....

Granada
Mood – Dancing in the street (or they would be if it wasn't too hot) sized happiness

Udinese ‘B’, as LLL insists on calling them, are facing their first season in the Spanish top flight in 35 years. Happily, they are also reportedly about to leave administration and may have €12m to spend, so the mood of the average Granada supporter is annoyingly perky.

FFT Travel Guide to Andalucia

However, that joviality will no doubt be flip-reversed by the end of October, when they will no doubt find themselves down in lower reaches of the division, blaming referring conspiracies for their Primera plight. But until the dreaded day grim reality comes along to kick ‘em in the goolies, the Granada fans won’t give two hoots about what lies ahead after a very long absence from the limelight.

Getafe
Mood – Fairly happy, but maybe feeling a tad let down. Like Royston Drenthe

It’s a confusing world for Getafe’s hardcore support of 23 hardy souls. When the deal with the Royal Emirates Group was announced by Angel Torres, the club president said that an extra cash injection of around €20 million would mean the team’s best players would not have to be sold every summer.

FFT Travel Guide to Getafe

Unfortunately, that pledge has immediately fallen flat on its face, with Manu Del Moral, Juan Albín, Derek Boateng, and Dani Parejo all flogged off for a total of around €20 million. The newcomers are largely freebies – two from Deportivo – and Real Madrid Castilla’s Pablo Sarabia, who while being an undoubtedly talented attacking midfielder, is also a mouthy scrote-bag. Torres admitted the club did try to pick up Bojan from Barcelona, so there is hope of a big money cash splash for a new striker before the summer is over.

Levante
Mood – Still skipping through the streets

There will still be smiles on Mr Johnny Levante Supporter’s face as he looks ahead to another enjoyable season of struggle and top flight torment, when it looked for some time last year that a return to la Segunda was on the cards.

FFT Travel Guide to Levante

The architect of their miraculous escape, Luis García, is now scowling away at Getafe, leaving former Cartagena boss Juan Ignacio Martínez in charge. His role at the club is to beg, steal and borrow players, keep striker Felipe Caicedo at the club and hope big-boned defender Sergio Ballesteros doesn’t return to the squad so large he has small lumps of cheese orbiting him like moons.

Málaga
Mood – As happy as a toddler who has just wolfed down fifty bags of sugar

A more giddy bunch of supporters you could not possibly find. Around 12,000 fans renewed their season tickets in just one day. Then 15,000 saw Ruud van Nistelrooy unveiled, before 16,000 turned up for a stand-up routine from Joaquín. And it’s no wonder, given €37 million has been blown by Málaga on seven players, and there is still hope for another big-name arrival in the shape of Santi Cazorla from Villarreal.

FFT Travel Guide to Malaga

It’s the kind of summer that has united fans of 17 other clubs in la Primera, all of whom now consider Málaga supporters to be jammy b**tards.

Mallorca
Mood – Jaws dragging along the floor depressed. Again.

BONG! This summer's headlines from Mallorca....

BONG! The club is still in administration...

BONG! Star striker Pierro Webó is raging against the machine, by refusing to play in friendly against Swedish side Hammerby...

BONG! Mallorca have signed someone called Gianni Zuiverloon who apparently played for WBA and Ipswich last season.

BONG! That’s about it...

On the plus side - and it’s spelled with a ‘p’ in a fairly small font - the usual fire sale of talent in order to keep the wolf from the door has yet to arrive, meaning Jonathan De Guzman and Emilio Nsue are still around, along with coach Michael Laudrup.

FFT Travel Guide to Mallorca

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

The mood of the La Liga nation – Athletic Bilbao to Espanyol

Tim Stannard — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 15:05:00 GMT

La Liga Loca's Tim Stannard puts on his corduroy jacket, polishes his leather couch, cranks up some soothing Kenny G and assesses the mental wellbeing of the fans of all twenty clubs in la Primera, with most teams now back in pre-season training....

Athletic Bilbao
Mood – mildly optimistic

Unless Kun Agüero uncovers some Basque heritage and Athletic find €45 million stuffed down the back of the sofa, supporters are unlikely to be feeling any excitement at all about further signings this summer. But that’s pretty much the case every year, with as many shopping options open to Athletic Bilbao as an East German in 1983.

FFT Travel Guide to Athletic Bilbao

The club’s splurge on Ander Herrera looks like being a good ‘un though, after the Zaragoza midfielder’s tremendous showings for Spain’s U-21 team in the European Championships. The only rumblings of disquiet in the Athletic camp could come from the 44% of club members who took part in the recent presidential election who did not vote for the new regime who have since appointed Marcelo ‘El Loco’ Biesla to be the new coach, ousting Joaquín Caparrós in the process.

The 54% who did choose him will be hopeful of a footballing approach that is a little less, shall we say, direct in the coming season. “I’d say I’d like to play passing football, playing in the opposition’s half,” said Bielsa in his first press conference at the club.

Atlético Madrid
Mood – Lost, confused, bewildered

The Rojiblancos returned to training a good few weeks back now, with the first of the club’s pre pre pre pre pre pre-qualifying Europa League clashes with Norwegian side, Stromsgodset, coming up on July 28th at the Vicente Calderón. Somewhat worryingly, the stadium still doesn’t have its new pitch sorted after the arena was turned into a race track and then suffered the horrors of hosting the Black Eyed Peas.

FFT Travel Guide to Atletico Madrid

As it stands, there is no confirmed first choice goalkeeper following the departure of David De Gea, there are too many non-EU internationals in the squad, nobody is sure what will happen to Kun Agüero, Diego Forlán has decided he wants to stay at the club after all meaning a rapid supporter-mood U-turn and Atlético now have a centre-back called Miranda. Oh, and Raúl García has not been flogged yet.

Barcelona
Mood – A tad nervous, leg twitching, smug

Although Barça fans won’t dare to admit it, there may be a few jealous looks towards Madrid. Not necessarily due to the quality of the players Mourinho has brought to the Santiago Bernabeu, as much as the quantity, which has giving Madrid two very strong players for each position. Barcelona returned to training on Monday without a single new addition to the squad aside from the promotion of a couple of ‘B’ team players – although that does include Thiago, to be fair.

FFT Travel Guide to Barcelona

The purchases of Cesc Fabregas and Alexis Sánchez will certainly steady a few trembling knees in the Catalan capital, but until those deals are completed – and Bojan is sold – then nerves will remain slightly on edge for fans of Pep’s Dream Boys.

Betis
Mood – Drunk

Betis fans are wasted during bad times and blasted during the good. And it’s in between those two stools that the green-and-white support find themselves this summer. Betis are back in la Primera – which is a very good thing, but there is still institutional confusion as to who actually owns the club and how on earth it is going to claw itself out of administration before the end of the century.

FFT Travel Guide to Real Betis

As for transfer activity, things have been speeding along steadily with the loan signing of Villarreal’s Jefferson Montero looking the best of the bunch. However, the Seville side’s squad was already decent enough to stay up in the new season, anyway. The main hope for Beticos is that midfielder, Emana, stays with the club – however the constant transfer stories surrounding the Cameroon international midfielder suggest this may not be a dream that comes true...

Espanyol
Mood – Uncertain, slightly frowning, not too stressed though

Espanyol fans had a good start to the summer when discovering that Real Madrid were going to take José Callejón off their hands for €5 million and that Getafe’s Juan Albín would be coming into to replace him, with the club making a tidy profit along the way. But since then it has been fairly slow stuff in El-Prat land, with the only other big signing of the summer so far being Mexican international centre-back Héctor Moreno, who joined from AZ Alkmaar for a reported €4 million.

FFT Travel Guide to Espanyol

Pericos will probably be happy enough if the squad makes it through the summer without star striker, Osvaldo, being sold and if someone comes in to take Luis García off their hands, too.

FourFourTwo Travel Guides

Mourinho's two watches, Wenger's 'blackmail' & the loop of infinite doom

Tim Stannard — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 10:32:00 GMT

While the Catalan press is stuck in an endless Alexis Sánchez-Cesc Fabregas loop of infinite doom, over in Madrid it’s party time. The forces of Mordor are over in Los Angeles for a 13 day pre-season jaunt, and this return to action has given Marca an opportunity to do what they do best - fawn over The Special One like a nine-year-old girl with a Justin Bieber doll.

Thursday’s edition has caught a serious bout of the vapours, with the front cover declaring the Madrid boss to be “Commander Mou” - the evidence being that the coach is giving specific orders on running around cones to his players and carrying a folder, no less. “The players are working at 120%” gushes the front page bonanza, “there are constant corrections during practice games.” But what really got the paper’s juices flowing was the fact Mourinho was wearing two wristwatches - a sight worthy of extreme photo close-up action.

The air in Barcelona still smells of desperation as the Alexis Sánchez moves two steps closer, then one step further away. On Wednesday, Sport was declaring that the Udinese forward had been signed. A day later they had back-tracked a tad, claiming he was about to sign, but only after Barcelona and the Serie A side had stopped squabbling over the finer details of the deal.

The strong message from the paper was that the imminent €48 million transfer was a good one, and certainly not an ostentatious vulgarity, which is what happens whenever other teams - Real Madrid, for example - spend that amount. “Wanting to judge the arrival of Alexis through the cost is a mistake” instructs Josep Maria Casanovas, “don’t look at the price, enjoy the football and if the same happens as with Alves, the cost will soon be forgotten.”

The paper also continues its demonisation of Arsene Wenger, with one columnist in particular most indignant about the Arsenal manager’s dastardly conduct in the Cesc Fabregas transfer. Responding to the Frenchman’s claim that his midfielder needed to say if he wasn’t happy at the club, José Luis Carazo stormed that “it seems intolerable to us that this arrogant person dares to blackmail the current captain of Arsenal,” before ranting about the London club ‘stealing’ the footballer in the first place.

Newly-promoted Rayo Vallecano are continuing to postpone the start of pre-season training, having been told that there is still no money at the club to pay the players, some of whom have reportedly been without wages for 14 months. “We heard things we didn’t like hearing,” manager José Ramón Sandoval said after a meeting with club president Raul Martín Presa. A demonstration of around 500 fans outside the stadium on Tuesday evening and the attendance of some disheartened looking footballers failed to make any difference to a club that is having a miserable summer, rather than a thrilling one.

And speaking of misery, former Deportivo boss Miguel Angel Lotina has attacked fullback Manuel Pablo during a chat with supporters, claiming that “I tried to teach him at 35 to cross and I couldn’t do it. In four years he could only put in one good one.”

The defender responded in a more genteel manner by saying that “we all know him well and what he is like. This will not ruin our relationship.” Besides, with Lotina’s love of defensive tactics, had Manuel Pablo put in a hundred crosses in a game, there wouldn’t have been anyone on the end of them in the box anyway.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Barça’s big party & Depor’s despair

Tim Stannard — Wed, 13 Jul 2011 11:05:00 GMT

MAY

The title-race had already been done and dusted for what felt like decades before Barcelona’s 1-1 draw with Levante that mathematically sealed the deal for Pep’s Dream Boys, to kick off three days that Guardiola promised would be packed with “eating, dancing, laughing and a lot of singing.” In fact, it was like Ronaldinho had never left the Camp Nou.

However, the feuding and fighting was still rumbling on from Clásico quadruple-header, the final leg of which being the 1-1 Champions League semi-final draw at Camp Nou that ensured Barcelona would be taking on Manchester United at Wembley, a concept Iker Casillas did not deal with very well at all.

“They robbed us here and there,” complained the Madrid captain on a number of refereeing decisions he had taken a dislike to. “They took away our final.”

The bitterness from both sides of the camp caused many in Spain, including Vicente Del Bosque, to fret over whether the fall-out from the matches would seep through and contaminate the national side. It was a notion that was roundly poo-pooed by those involved, with the Spanish captain far more laid-back when predicting what would happen the next time he came across Xavi.

“I’m sure that as soon as we meet for the Spain team, we’ll see each other and say ‘(naughty word!)’ and ‘(naughty word!)’ and in one moment everything will be fixed.” Unfortunately, the exact same solution didn’t work for José Mourinho and Jorge Valdano and their particular tiff.

While Real Madrid sauntered off for their holidays, Barcelona had their lovely night out in London to look forward to, and comfortably disposed of Manchester United to pick up their second Champions League title in three years.

Not wanting to be left out of the crowing coming from the Catalan media, Madrid-mad Marca wrote that it wasn’t just Barcelona who were victors on the night. “The win was also for Spanish football. In the first place because the four European Cups added to the nine of Real Madrid make us the country with most European titles,” noted the paper’s editorial.

At the bottom of the Primera table there were all kinds of rumours floating about concerning a final round that saw seven teams with the possibility of joining Almería and Hércules in la Segunda.

The favourites for the drop were Zaragoza, who had a 48% chance of going down. And this was why a club with a reputation for doing whatever’s necessary to survive might have been involved in a helpful arrangement with Levante, the club the side were playing. These stories - all without foundation, LLL should note - were condemned by Levante president, Quico Catalan, who fumed that “there are people trying to damage the image of an institution that’s more than a 100 years old.” Carles Puyol can certainly sympathise with that.

The side who eventually fell through the trap door were Deportivo following a 2-0 home defeat to Valencia in a match which mirrored the team’s season, in that the Galician’s were physically unable to score. “Hell doesn’t deserve a team like this,” sobbed Marca, not exactly helping the self-esteem of those sides already in the second division.

Deportivo’s demise saw the well-deserved sacking of their manager Miguel Angel Lotina, who decided to share the blame for the club’s relegation. “Lotina hasn’t been relegated, but Deportivo has and we are a lot of people. This year it seems that only I lost.”

Valencia and Villarreal bagged third and fourth spot with Atlético Madrid sneaking in the footballing cat flap to sneak seventh place with the reward of a 2011/12 Europa League qualifying game, four minutes after the end of their final match of their 2010/2011 league campaign.

However, Quique Sánchez Flores wasn’t there to lead them into the encounter, having kept his word to walk out of the Vicente Calderón at the end of his contract and leave the game in Spain that little bit duller - and not just because of the coach’s impressively orange tan.

Barca press cry 'scandal' over fixture list, while Zidane puts the kettle on

Tim Stannard — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 09:52:00 GMT

Last Thursday marked the pre-season's first bout of conspiracy theorising and childish screams of ‘it’s not fair!’ in the ongoing media war between Real Madrid and Barcelona.

It was the day after the fixtures for the 2011-12 campaign were announced and the loonier parts of the Barça press thought they could smell a rather pungent rat as they cast their eyes over Barcelona’s opening few games, which kick off with a trip to a beefed-up Málaga.

“The first match is against a super strength Málaga with a Messi who is just back from his holidays, then Villarreal are coming, then it’s Valencia in the fifth round and Atlético coming in the sixth....Real Madrid have a much easier start,” grumbled José Luis Carazo in Sport, with the forces of Mordor set to face Athletic Bilbao, Zaragoza, Getafe, Levante and Racing in their first five games.

The other issue to get the Catalan paper’s panties in a bunch is the scheduling of a Clásico the weekend before December's all important World Club Cup, which sees Barcelona battling against New Zealand’s finest. “This is a scandal,” yells Sport.

What really is a scandal, but one that seems to have gone largely unnoticed by all in Spain bar the self-righteous LLL, is how Zaragoza - a club in administration and owning nearly €100 million, are allowed to sign cantera midfielder Juan Carlos from Real Madrid for nearly €2.5 million when they still owe so much to other teams for past transfers. LLL would also like to know where Zaragoza president Agapito Iglesias found the €395,000 to buy a spot for the club’s ‘B’ team in Spain’s Segunda ‘B’ division.

Joaquín Caparrós will not be having his contract extended at Athletic Bilbao despite having done a fine job in the Basque Country in recent years. Unfortunately for ‘Jokin’, his club president Fernando Macua lost out in a presidential election to former player Josu Urrutia, who squeaked past his opponent 54% to 44%.

The new president’s first major act was to make Marcelo ‘El Loco‘ Biesla his manager, with the Larry Grayson-specs sporting coach agreeing to take over the Basque side with the aim of making them a little more entertaining on the pitch.

Atlético Madrid were one of the first teams back in training last week, except they were missing one of their squad members. Brazilian striker Diego Costa eventually joined his team-mates four days late, claiming that, as he had lost his Spanish mobile in Brazil, he had no means (or desire) whatsoever of finding out when he was due in Madrid.

“There was some confusion,” admitted Costa, “But it wasn’t all my fault. When they did get hold of me I got a ticket home straight away,” said the Brazilian hoping this revelation would see his imminent caning by Gregorio Manzano reduced to under 30 whacks.

Meanwhile Marca shared the stunning revelation that Real Madrid coach José Mourinho “really loves his great squad” and that Florentino Pérez was looking to build a retractable roof on top of the Santiago Bernabeu, something the rain-soaked stadium desperately needs.

Zinedine Zidane also announced himself as the club’s new Director of Football, although admitted that he still needed to discover “what my role is going to be.”

LLL can only guess that Mourinho’s coffee doesn’t pour itself...

La Liga Review 2010/2011: Spain goes Clásico Crazy

Tim Stannard — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 14:49:00 GMT

APRIL
In April, football fans either wanted to clap their hands and bark like drunken sea lions in giddy excitement or tear their hair out in boredom and frustration. This was all because of the playing of three-quarters of the “Rally of Clásicos”, a narrative so dominant in Spain that nobody would have noticed if the King had worn a dress for a month and called for a ham boycott.

The first prickly contest which was a 1-1 draw in la Liga at the Santiago Bernabeu set the bar for the tone of the remainder of the games at the lowest possible level with disputed refereeing decisions and Pepe deployed as an unguided missile in the Madrid midfield.

Whilst the result was seen as a great top-hat throwing success in Madrid – especially in comparison with the 5-0 from November – it was snoot city in Barcelona with the local press spitting that their opponents gave a “lesson in miserable football” and that Madrid’s spoiling tactics were “a mortal sin” after all the money that had been spent on the squad.

The two sides met four days later in Mestalla for the Copa del Rey final, a match that Sport's Lluís Mascaró described breathlessly as “a final battle between good and evil. Between education and big-city tricks. Between love and hate. Barça cannot fail us.”

Unfortunately for Lluís, Barça did just that with Cristiano Ronaldo scoring a winner for Madrid in injury time to give Florentino a cup-shaped life raft to cling to over the summer. However, the Sport writer took the defeat with dignity by decreeing that “nobody talk about the end of a cycle. May no one from the Taliban media cavern say the blaugrana project is over.”

The third clash between this pair of feuding football teams was the first leg of the Champions League semi-final, a 2-0 win for Barça in Madrid during which the only entertaining moment of a tiresome affair was José Mourinho losing the plot, continually squeaking "Why!?" in the post-match press conference.

Unhappy at Pepe’s inevitable red card, the Special One claimed that he would have been ashamed at winning the 2009 Champions League because of the “scandal at Stamford Bridge” and that “if they win this one, it will be after a scandal at the Bernabeu”.

The Barça v Madrid animosity wasn’t the only bit of inter-club scrapping in April with Getafe and Zaragoza having a bit of a tiff too. Ahead of a key relegation clash, Getafe president Angel Torres understandably complained that their opponents owed €2.8m for the 2009 transfer of Ikechukwu Uche and that the club would go through the courts if necessary to get the money back.

“I’m tired of la Liga being ruined by clubs who don’t pay their debts,” complained Torres, who announced a partnership with the Royal Emirates Group later on in the month to supposedly give the club a sounder financial footing.

Zaragoza’s response was to shrug, scratch their nose and show empty pockets Charlie Chaplin-style. And cheat as well, let’s not forget, in a 2-1 defeat for Getafe at la Romareda during a match in which balls were thrown onto the pitch from the stands and the Zaragoza bench when Getafe were in possession. “There were nearly six balls on the pitch, even the ref could have dribbled one,” fumed Michel.

Atlético Madrid club president Enrique Cerezo responded to angry supporters – who had taken to copying a certain English club by showing their unhappiness at the club’s current owners by wearing yellow and green scarves – by huffing to a question on the matter that the fans must be “demonstrating against the owners of Manchester United, not Atlético Madrid.”

Although it was Spain’s Big Two who hogged the headlines in Spain, perhaps the biggest story that did not receive the full attention that it deserved was the relationship between Osasuna midfielder Javad Nekounam and a famous Spanish department store.

“Corte Inglés take a lot of my money,” explained the Iranian international on a store that aren't by any means fancy-pants rip-off merchants staffed by sullen misery-guts. “Half of Corte Inglés in Pamplona is mine. If someone wants to find Nekounam then go there. If I could, I’d go every day.”

Wenger 'betrays' Cesc & Barça as Marca tip Casillas to lose captaincy

Tim Stannard — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 17:35:00 GMT

"Boy for sale! Boy for sale!"

Despite five weeks of headlines promising a world of transfer activity, there has so far been the total sum of diddly-squat going on in regards to players coming into the Camp Nou - well, aside from the potential reappearance of Alexander Hleb, who will be lucky to get past the security guards - and no news of anyone moving out.

In fact, the only firmed-up story featuring a Barcelona player and money changing hands involved Jonathan dos Santos, but for very different reasons.

This lack of activity has seen a long-anticipated explosion of impotent fury among the Barcelona press, who have launched an attack on Arsene Wenger that, even by their standards, was fairly insane. The Frenchman's crime? Failing to have agreed the sale of his club captain to Barça at a price that is convenient to the Catalan club.

Mundo Deportivo rants that “Wenger is laughing at Cesc” - forgetting that the Arsenal boss last broke into a smile in 2007 - and complains that “once again, at least for now, he is not fulfilling his promise to let him leave for Barcelona.” Sport go several steps further, with Tuesday’s front cover blasting that “Wenger betrays Cesc” by forcing him join up with the squad for pre-season training this week.

The reason for 'this betrayal' isn't simply the Arsenal manager looking after the best interests of the club he is paid handsomely to manage, rather pure bitterness and bile, according to cranky columnist Josep María Casanovas, who could probably do with a nice sangria and rub down.

“Wenger hates the club that has knocked him out of the Champions League in the last few years. He’s tired of Messi and co humiliating him,” fumes the Sport man, who spits that the Arsenal boss is “the enemy of Barcelona” in an editorial dramatically headlined “Wenger is a traitor and Cesc is the victim.”

Lunacy is not just restricted to Cataluyna, as Marca went a little wobbly on Monday, publishing a story which suggested Iker Casillas was going to have the captain’s armband taken away from him by José Mourinho on the pitch and then returned at the end of the game.

Without any foundation or proof, the paper mused that The Special One wanted a John Terry figure out on the field - hopefully not in the bedroom - to give the Bernabeu side more influence when it comes to badgering referees. The paper even ran a poll on the matter, with Xabi Alonso chosen as the man to act as 'on pitch' skipper, and get icy glares from his goalkeeper for good measure.

The paper’s editorial sets out the case for the change, which largely centres around Mourinho being a genius and in total control of everything, blah blah blah. “The move appears to be justified. The biggest proof is that out of the 20 Primera teams, only Sevilla and Madrid have their keeper as captain. The Whites cannot afford the luxury of giving any advantage to their rival.”

Across the city, the Atlético Madrid players were back in training on Monday, aside from those away at the Copa America and Diego Costa, who according to AS has gone AWOL. As you'd expect, there is a whole lot of trouble brewing for the Vicente Calderón, with doubts over who will take over as first choice keeper and whether Diego Forlán and Kun Agüero will be staying. There’s also the matter of the legal tug of love over Spain U-21 forward, Adrián, with Deportivo and Atlético both arguing that the footballer is their property.

Then there’s the unfortunate situation of the five non-EU players in the first team squad when only three are allowed. One of those is Diego Godín who is a first-choice centre-back and two others are the Brazilian pair of Elías and Miranda who have only recently joined Atlético. This doesn’t look too good for Diego Costa - especially as the forward missed the first day of training - and the returning Salvio, although the Argentinean winger claims that he “wants to triumph” at the club.

With sulking club president, Enrique Cerezo, banned from talking about football (but failing to do so) and Miguel Angel Gil in charge of the running of the club, the early signs are that Atlético are going to be even more fun than normal in the season to come.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Forlan causes a stink as Jose makes another enemy

Tim Stannard — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 10:28:00 GMT

MARCH

March began with Diego Forlán’s sulks and snippy comments to the press that he wasn’t exactly opposed to the concept of leaving Atlético supposedly leaving his teammates a tad miffed.

El País claimed the squad had adopted a new policy on the pitch called “not one ball to Blondie!” - a strategy Quique Sánchez Flores wearily denied, complaining that he was “tired of these situations”. Later in the month, the Atlético boss dropped the first hint he would be packing away his eyeliner and leaving the club at the end of season when noting that the Rojiblancos were “like a plane in constant turbulence.”

However, the one placid part of Atlético’s existence last season was the team’s performances in their derbies against Real Madrid, with the Calderón club continuing their splendidly lousy tradition in Madrid-based match-ups with a fourth defeat from four in the year to leave the forces of Mordor unbeaten against Atlético in 21 straight matches.

Although Madrid did the usual deed when facing Atlético, they managed to break with tradition by easing past Lyon to make it through to the Champions League quarter-finals for the first time in seven years. This did not appear to change José Mourinho’s mood one bit though, with the Special One picking a fight with Málaga manager Manuel Pellegrini, his predecessor at Real Madrid, by ‘being honest’ in a press conference ahead of a league game and commenting that “if Madrid sack me then I’m not going to Málaga, I’m going to a big club in Italy or England.”

Not content with that fine piece of diplomacy, Mourinho ended up getting into a slanging match with a plucky journalist, with both calling each other a hypocrite during a debate over whether Mourinho’s endless moans were legitimate complaints or mere excuses.

Barcelona were also in decent form and ended March with a five point lead over Real Madrid, although AS were stretching the point a tad when describing it as a “perfect” month given the two points dropped against Sporting.

The off-the-pitch nastiness between the two big guns was cranked up a notch when radio station COPE claimed an unnamed Real Madrid official had complained that anti-doping controls in Spain were not strong enough and that Barcelona were benefiting from this. COPE quickly withdrew the story and Barça began legal action, with Gerard Piqué warning that “anyone who accuses us of doping is playing with fire.”

The Catalan press were even more outraged than normal, and did not hold back when it came to pointing the finger at who they thought was behind the story. “This dirty war begun by Mourinho and supported by Florentino is intolerable,” stormed Josep María Casanovas in Sport.

Hércules found themselves at the bottom of the table, and deservedly so. The club decided to react to this news by sacking coach, Esteban Vigo, who had problems being paid along with the rest of the squad and did not have a permanent training centre for his side. But despite this, Vigo was made the scapegoat with Miroslav Djukic taking over with no change in the Alicante club’s fortunes whatsoever.

Meanwhile, reports filtered through from Australia concerning Racing’s owner, Ali Syed, and accusations of fraud in the region - accusations denied by the Indian-born businessman. However, it was almost impossible to get a straight answer from Syed, as sightings became an increasingly rare in Santander, leaving with club president Francisco Pernía to cover for his boss, churning out a string of excuses for his absence - from him enjoying a family birthday party at Euro Disney, to being grounded thanks to air traffic control problems.

The season's second strike threat fizzled out to nothing in rather typical fashion. This time the hubbub concerned Primera matches televised by free-to-air broadcasters and the league's desire for them to be shifted behind the fancy velvet curtain of pay-per-view televison - a wish at odds with a law ensuring at least one match a week would be broadcast for free. Fortunately common sense prevailed and the we were spared the shifting of the end of the league calendar to mid-June.

How Real Madrid adopted 'the Arsenal strategy' to get the better of Barca

Tim Stannard — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 12:09:00 GMT

There was Pep Guardiola enjoying his holidays in Italy, playing a bit of golf, making nice with Johan Cruyff and sussing out which Serie A club will be the one he's going to manage next, when Marca comes along to ruin his fun and force his hairline into an even deeper defensive position.

Despite being Champions League and Spanish Primera über-slayers and favourites to repeat the feat next season, Wednesday’s edition of the Real Madrid fanzine calls out his Dream Boys, and kicks sand in the face of the Catalan club by boasting of a Madridista victory in an area that really matters. “The Madrid line-up is winning in youth,” gloated the front page, bragging that the starting line-up for the forces of Mordor is a sprightly 26 compared to the positively creaky 27.36 for the Qatar Foundation’s Barcelona.

“Mou is building a team for the next ten years!” exclaimed the special edition, using what has now become known as 'the Arsenal strategy’ - the perfect soothing ointment when your club pays over the odds for French youngsters the fans have never heard of and care relatively little about, such as new-boy Raphael ‘the new Hierro’ Varane.

Marca argue that this whopping one year difference in ages between the sides is a clear sign that, for Barça, ‘the end of the cycle’ - a much used phrase in the Madrid media - is nigh. Of course, take Eric Abidal, Carles Puyol and Xavi out of the paper’s statistical equation and focus on the more youthful spine of Gerard Piqué, Sergio Busquets, Leo Messi, Pedro, Thiago and (maybe) Cesc Fabregas, and Marca’s argument falls to pieces quicker than your average Atlético Madrid season.

"You'll win nothing with that bunch of old ba....oh, you did? Well done..."

In fact, the theory collapses after the first line, as the chances are that Mourinho will not even be in Madrid another ten months, never mind ten years, with Rafa Benítez or Míchel - which could be funny - likely to turn up in the summer of 2012 and change the squad completely, keeping with the Madrid tradition.

The Rojiblanco world has been spinning frantically this week, with David De Gea saying goodbye to the supporters in a farewell press conference on Wednesday while not looking the slightest bit bothered about leaving the club which grew and nurtured him and then stuck him behind Luis Perea for a season-and-a-half as some kind of ‘I’m a Goalkeeper, Get Me Out of Here!’ trial.

Enrique Cerezo’s promise to never talk about players due to the club president’s new purely institutional role lasted one whole day - which was longer than most of his other pledges, to be fair - when he noted that “if Kun plays for Madrid, it’s bad luck. If he plays for Sevilla, it’s better. If he plays for Liverpool then much better.”

Getafe Team Dubai continue to be positively Catalan in their approach to spending, despite the promises of big bucks when the Royal Emirates deal was announced. Another player has joined on a free transfer with defender Lopo jumping ship from Deportivo to make it four freebies and two loan deals for the Coliseum club, with €18.3 million worth of talent departing. This doubtlessly brilliant fund-raising strategy is enough to make LLL suspect Getafe may be the club who’ll be picking up Kun Agüero...

Racing Santander have found a replacement for former manager Marcelino, with bundle of joy Héctor Cúper signing on for a year and speaking of his aim to bring strength and a high work-rate to the side.

Club president, Francisco Pernía, is more interested in tracking down the club’s owner Ali Syed, to get him to pay what is owed to the Racing’s previous owners and the players. Pernía was also keen to distance himself from the mess whilst speaking in the third person as well. “I’m not talking as the Racing president, but Francisco Pernía has had an immaculate record,” boasted Francisco Pernía, modest to the end.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Ronaldo’s row, Forlán’s confession and turnip-snogging

Tim Stannard — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 13:41:00 GMT

FEBRUARY
Diego Forlán's season-long sulk continued with comments made to Marca suggesting that he had long since given up winning over the Atletico Madrid fast. Some Rojiblanco supporters felt that the Uruguayan was less than dedicated to the cause, and had begun booing him even when he was on the bench – which was happening more frequently.

“Football is the cheapest form of psychological treatment for people,” shrugged Forlán, unaware that the cost of a season ticket at the Vicente Calderón is the most expensive way of going insane in the first place. “I’m not an Atlético fan, so it seems a lack of respect to kiss the badge,” said the striker, in a refreshingly honest admission.

Meanwhile, the contract extension for Rojiblanco loyalist Kun Agüero was still making news, with the club’s Director General Miguel Angel Gil promising that the inevitably Real Madrid-bound Argentinian is “not going to Real Madrid, this year or the next.” Let’s see how that works out.

Over in Mordor, the tiff of the month took place between Cristiano Ronaldo and Osasuna's all-round nut-job Walter Pandiani. Coming off the pitch at half-time during Madrid’s defeat to the Pamplona club, the two players had a bit of a stand-off.

Pandiani revealed that Ronaldo had asked how much the Osasuna forward earned, and not in a pleasant conversational way. Pandiani later noted that, had the question been posed in his home country, Ronaldo would have required an emergency dental appointment. “He’s a phenomenal player but he has a screw loose,” said a man who speaks from experience.

"I could buy you!" "And I could chin you…"

A goalless draw against Deportivo – words that were to be repeated a lot over the campaign – saw José Mourinho looking for more targets to blame as Real Madrid’s title chances diminished even further. On this occasion it was the fixture compilers, plus Deportivo for defending too well. It was a grumble that even had AS editor Alfredo Relaño in the poo-pooing camp.

“Mou complains a lot,” noted Relaño, accurately. “He complains about [the ref], the structure of the club, that Cristiano Ronaldo is fouled more than Messi, yellow cards, the fourth official, the calendar... he could fall into a caricature and he doesn’t need to.” For Catalan TV presenter Xavier Sardà, that had happened already with the observation that “Mou plays the role of an idiot extraordinarily well.”

Racing Santander’s bright new future under owner Ahsan Ali Syed began with the firing of Miguel Angel Portugal and the appointment of former boss Marcelino. However, there were still lingering doubts – not nearly enough, though – about who the Indian businessman was and what the heckety heck he was really up to. “None of my companies have debts and Racing will be no different,” said Ali Syed in response to questions on the currently indebted Cantabrian club.

And finally, Vicente del Bosque grabbed the moment of the month (OK, it happened in January but LLL has a complicated relationship with time) when being given a prize for leading Spain to a World Cup win by the Brotherhood of the Friends of the Turnip – a ceremonial act which involved the kissing of the vegetable in question. There’s a joke there about Fabio Capello and Graham Taylor but LLL certainly isn’t going to make it.

Madrid's ‘new Hierro’, Málaga's latest splurge and Cesc's 'imminent' arrival

Tim Stannard — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 14:02:00 GMT

With Spain in the midst of a heatwave - it was 30 degrees in Madrid at nine in the morning for frack's sake - the lethargic, sweating sports press have given up the ghost a little as far as second guessing what’s going on in the transfer market is concerned, especially when it comes to 'the Big Two'.

So far it has been Málaga who have lead the way with the kind of swagger befitting of a post-bleach-job Guti. The €4 million signing of Joaquín from Valencia has taken their summer splurge on grizzly old timers just one last case away from handing in their badge and leaving the force to €28 million. The locals have understandably been getting most excited about the revolution taking place on the south coast, with 16,000 turning up to give the left-winger a big, warm and non-literal hand on his arrival.

The news of Getafe snapping up Juan Rodriguez from Deportivo and Sporting’s Diego Castro, on the other hand, will be unlikely to drag any more than six people to the Coliseum. And they would probably only be there to use the toilets.

Getafe’s backward hillbilly cousins, Atlético, have yet to admit to losing David De Gea to Manchester United, despite photographic evidence to the contrary, with their normally blabber-mouthed president coyly stating on Monday that he was “not going to take about the football side of the club anymore.” However, the Rojiblancos have announced the purchase of Braga fullback, Silvio, for €8 million.

Real Madrid hooked up some heart monitoring equipment to French central defender Raphael Varane and took a photo or two, after the 18-year-old joined from Lens, where he made just 20 league appearances. And that’s why most people have no idea whether the stopper is any good or not - even the French football expert quizzed by LLL had no clue - but that hasn’t stopped Marca ruining the poor fella’s career at Madrid before it has barely started by running a front page declaring Varane to be “the new Hierro”.

Nothing whatsoever seems to be happening in regards to departures from the Santiago Bernabeu, or the possible blockbuster purchases of Neymar, Kun Agüero or Fabio Coentrao. It’s a similar stationary story in the Catalan capital, with Mundo Deportivo going for broke by splashing the names “Alexis, Cesc, Nani” across Tuesday’s front cover, but urging caution in the transfer market on all three. “Those players who’ve been bought above market value haven’t worked. On the other hand, Busquets and Pedro have triumphed,” noted Santi Nolla.

But Sport have been bold enough to put all their chips on a certain Arsenal midfielder arriving sooner rather than later, with a welcome 2,000th repetition of their much-loved headline, “Cesc: Signing Imminent.” The paper reports that Arsenal will settle for an initial fee of €35 million for their captain and talisman. Quite what else they'd find to prattle on about for the next two months should this prove to be the case is a mystery...

La Liga Review 2010/11: Jose settles for Karim as Málaga find a hero

Tim Stannard — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 11:35:00 GMT

JANUARY

If the culé collective’s sense of self-worth had drooped a little thanks to December’s announcement that Barcelona would be jumping into bed with the Qatar Foundation and leaving UNICEF as sloppy seconds, then it perked up in the new year when Leo Messi won the 2010 FIFA Ballon d’Or, with Andrés Iniesta and Xavi joining him to help Barça dominate the podium.

And boy was this moment of mid-season glory milked by the Catalan press until the udders had fallen off, with J.M Artells writing in Mundo Deportivo that “January 10 will be a sacred date in the culé calendar.”

The month got even better for Barcelona when Real Madrid dropped points in a draw against Almería and a defeat to Osasuna, leaving the league title as the Catalan side's to lose.

Of course, José Mourinho managed to find handy scapegoats for his scorn. Against Almería, it was the man-in-the-middle, Pérez Lasa, with Mourinho scoffing that “I’m not going to complain about the referee. I’ve known him since 1996 and the Señor Lasa of 2011 is exactly the same.” “He’s well informed as I wasn’t in la Primera in 1996,” replied the referee, whose first top flight match didn’t come until 1997.

Mourinho’s morale-boosting moans about the limited talents of a certain French international striker were also a dominant theme of the month, with the Madrid manager shrugging that “if I only have Karim, I play Karim" after being informed that Gonzalo Higuaín could be out for the rest of the campaign and that a replacement may not be arriving.

The Special One’s ire was also turned in the direction of Madrid’s Director General, Jorge Valdano, who noted after the Almería match that “there was a number nine on the bench, if there’s something this team is lacking, it isn’t goals.” His underling did not take too kindly to this crime of subordination committed during a TV interview and warned that “I’m too old for little messages being passed through the press.”

With the title race all but over, the Copa del Rey suddenly took on renewed importance for Madrid - less so for Barcelona - with both teams hacking their way through a quick rush of rounds to put themselves on the brink of a meeting in the final.

Talk began over the possibility of starting game at midday on a Sunday to attract the Asian market. It was a move that Atlético Madrid manager, Quique Sánchez Flores, approved off, noting that “you don’t know who football is planned for in Spain, certainly not the fans.”

The January transfer window allowed clubs the chance to make moves that would either lift them towards the Europe places or save their backsides from the trapdoor. Málaga were very much in the latter camp, with Julio Baptista arriving from Roma and going on to play a huge role in the club’s survival fight. Atlético thought they had pulled off a coup of their own when announcing Kun Agüero had extended his contract until 2014. But perhaps the most pertinent aspect of the deal was the fact that the forward’s buy-out clause had been reduced from €60 million to €45 million, making the Argentinean’s end-of-season revelation that he wanted to leave less of a surprise.

Up in Santander, Racing launched head-first into what turned out to be a terrible bit of business - and one that could have been avoided with a simple bit of Googling - when the club’s owners let Indian businessman, Ahsan Ali Syed, buy a majority stake in the institution. Or to put it correctly, make a down payment on the club seeing as the rest of what’s owed has yet to arrive, with the cheque presumably still in the post...

The heart-warming story of the season began in January, with Levante losing 1-0 to city rivals Valencia thanks to Juan Mata's suspiciously offside looking goal, leaving the club in the deepest of trouble and coach Luis García in despair. “I don’t want to train on Monday, I don’t feel like it,” complained the manager who has since jumped ship to Getafe. Fortunately he did, and just two weeks later, he had began to launch the mother of all survival campaigns.

Kun’s cunning plan & Barça’s Alexis agony

Tim Stannard — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 10:35:00 GMT

Kun Agüero had a cunning plan. Drop the stink-bomb to his Atlético Madrid bosses that he wanted out; leg it to Argentina; wait for the offers to come rolling in – preferably from Real Madrid to save the hassle of moving house. There was only one problem with the plan: it was rubbish.

Currently, it appears there are no interested parties in Kun’s purchase, perhaps because of Atlético’s insistence on someone coughing up the striker’s €45m buyout clause. Real Madrid now seem to be swinging in Neymar’s direction, with the mohawk-sporting madman a constant on the front covers of both Marca and AS.

Although the Brazilian’s transfer is moving at the speed of tectonic plates, Pele has carried on his personal tradition of telling the local press whatever they want to hear by reassuring Marca that Neymar is “ready for the jump and I see him able to succeed at Madrid.”

To be fair, it's entirely possible that Atlético have a whole stack of offers for Kun piled up on the fax machine – it’s just that there’s no one around with the time to read them this week, due to some rather nasty behind-the-scenes battles.

A board meeting was held on Wednesday with the aim of fixing the institutional mess at the club which sees two people in charge, Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil, concurrently and often completely contradictorily.

Unsurprisingly, considering Gil sits alongside two of his family members on the seven-person Atlético board, it was the Director General who won the tussle by being given the responsibility of running the club. Current president Cerezo was reduced to an institutional role, which won’t lead to any conflict whatsoever in the season to come – despite the meeting being fairly heated, according to club shareholder Fernando García Abasolo: “It didn’t come to insults but there was a lot of tension.”

Meanwhile the Barcelona press are getting more than a little desperate as there is much ado about nothing on the transfers of Alexis Sánchez and Cesc Fabregas. The move for the Arsenal player will probably end up going nowhere as usual, but the purchase of the Udinese front man looks like being a tricky one with Barça trying to offload reluctant-to-leave squad players like Jeffren in the opposite direction.

One club with no such failure issues in the transfer sack are Málaga, who have been busy Andalusian bees in the close season. They've brought in Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jérémy Toulalan, Joris Mathijsen, Nacho Monreal, Diego Buonanotte, Sergio Sánchez – and now Joaquín, who joins from Valencia.

Racing are still in a right old mess of their own making, with Ahsan Ali Syed now being referred to in the Australian press as another Bernie Madoff due to accusations of an alleged pyramid scheme Down Under. Marca reports that Ali Syed has failed to pay instalments due to Racing’s former owners after his purchase of the Santander club in January and still owes money to players after four broken promises.

There was news of more financial lunacy in a fine El País story revealing that new Sevilla manager Marcelino is owed €1.5m by city rivals Real Betis, despite having never even managed the club.

The situation arose when Marcelino was fired by Zaragoza in 2009 and was given his pay-off in promissory notes from Betis, who had bought Sergio García from Zaragoza a year earlier. These notes bounced when cashed, leaving Marcelino as just one of the many creditors looking for their money back from Betis – the biggest being the taxman, who is owed €40m, just under half of Betis’s debt of €85m.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Mourinho’s new moans & Iniesta the alien

Tim Stannard — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 14:07:00 GMT

DECEMBER
Another month in la Liga began with Spain more than a little freaked out by the memory of a chastened, crestfallen José Mourinho admitting that the better side won a game of football, without a single excuse or rant being deployed in the process. That was Mourinho’s response from Real Madrid's Camp Nou thrashing by Barcelona at the end of November, and was downright disturbing.

However, the Special One bounced back quickly enough and rediscovered his moaning mojo with a breathtaking array of grumbles. With Gonzalo Higuaín out of action with a back injury, the first complaint was aimed at Karim Benzema and his general uselessness. “If you go hunting and you only have a cat then you have to go out with a cat,” mused the Madrid manager. “If you have a hunting dog then it’s better.”

Mourinho was also targeting beastly opposition teams and how his own delicate players weren’t getting enough protection – a theme for the whole campaign. “It’s very easy to show cards to Real Madrid players, not so easy for others,” whined the Portuguese.

He was talking complete nonsense. The end-of-season figures showed that referees found it very easy indeed to give opposition players yellow cards, with 116 handed out to those who played Madrid – the third highest total in la Primera – and just 98 being given to Madrid players. The Santiago Bernabeu club were also given the most number of penalties with 12.

Towards the end of the month José decided to move up a gear by attacking his own bosses in Madrid and leaving for the winter break with suspicions that he would not be coming back. After a narrow – and truly awful – win over Sevilla, Mourinho marched into the post-match press conference waving a piece of paper that he said had been handed him by a club official, detailing 13 mistakes made by the referee.

Mourinho refused to read it but noted that if people at the club “want to hide behind the coach, then that’s fine,” whilst publicly calling for a meeting with Florentino Pérez. The taunt of “cry-baby” from Valencia boss Unai Emery was the best of the assorted responses to Mourinho’s moans, with the cackling Catalan press convinced he was cracking up.

Barcelona lost a key aspect of their current stupendous success – their overwhelming sense of moral superiority – by signing a five-year sponsorship deal with the Qatar Foundation for a reported €165m. Club president Sandro Rosell, a former Nike executive with a big love of branding, said that the partnership was completely compatible with the existing UNICEF agreement and claimed that “we needed to do it to pay the salaries.”

The response to the deal was less than enthusiastic amongst the culé collective, as it sees the UNICEF logo being moved to the back of the shirt in the season to come. “Barça is no longer more than just a club,” wrote Johan Cruyff, someone not exactly close to Rosell.

Atlético Madrid’s campaign continued to turn pear-shaped, with double defeat to Greek giants Aris Salonika contributing to the shortest of spells in the Europa League, the competition they were supposed to be defending.

The Rojiblancos then lost the occasionally excellent Simao, who was out of contract in the summer, and replaced the winger with Osasuna’s Juanfran, who is never excellent. Or even vaguely good, come to think of it.

Over at Hércules, the club’s inability to pay its players began to take its toll with Royston Drenthe refusing to train and then declining the chance to come back from the winter break, complaining that the only pay cheque the on-loan Real Madrid winger had received was August’s.

In something that LLL believes may classify as ironic, Valencia sponsors “The Valencia Experience” fully lived up to the name and neatly summed up the Mestalla mob’s last couple of years by owing the club a reported sum of €6m.

Racing Santander coach Miguel Angel Portugal gave a strong indication that his days in Cantabria would be coming to an end, insulting his team after a defeat by claiming some of them were “overrated”.

And Andrés Iniesta, one of the most gifted midfielders of his generation, scorer of his country’s World Cup winning goal, showed that he really was a hybrid between Mr Spock, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory and a Miss World winner by admitting that “I’m happier to be a role model for kids than winning sporting prizes.” Donations to pay for a drink-, drug- and hooker-stuffed trip to Vegas for the Barça man started flooding in soon after.

NOVEMBER Madrid's Barça bath & Preciado punches back
OCTOBER No Plan B for Barça & Mourinho's blacklist
SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

La Liga Review 2010/11: Madrid's Barça bath & Preciado punches back

Tim Stannard — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 09:31:00 GMT

NOVEMBER
A rampant Real Madrid began November on top of the table with the Capital City media so desperate to praise the club’s Special One that they were gouging each other’s eyes out and scrapping in the streets like a mother-daughter rumble outside a roller-disco.

TV channel Cuatro scampered onto the pitch after a game to get hold of some of José Mourinho's discarded tactical scribblings and sent them to a handwriting expert whose correct name escapes the blog. Charlatan, perhaps.

The aforementioned expert played by the local rules and declared that the Madrid manager was the bestest person in the whole universe, claiming he was “quick thinking”, had “huge leadership abilities”, was “noble” and had a massive winkie to boot.

Not to be left out in the fawning stakes, Marca wrote that “the manager is on top of everything: tactics, fitness, if the pitch is good or bad, if Pedro León or Karim Benzema need more or less affection. He’s right in almost every department.” That wasn’t to be the case a few weeks later when Real Madrid were given a “bath”, as they say locally, by Barcelona in a 5-0 demolition in the Camp Nou.

“A thrashing! Humiliation! Leaders!” squealed the front page of Sport the morning after the night before. Mundo Deportivo responded to Cristiano Ronaldo's rather rubbish taunt after Barcelona’s humiliation of Almería the previous week – “Let’s see if they score eight on Monday” – with Joan Paqui chuckling that “it wasn’t eight, but it nearly was.”

Tomás Roncero, writing in AS, was vowing sweet revenge, having seen Barcelona become league leaders after the victory. “The season is long, in April there’ll be a Clásico in the Bernabeu, you know how it will be then,” promised the crazed columnist. In the end there were two Clásicos in Madrid in April and neither were victories for Mourinho's men, so Roncero was quite right.

"If they do score eight, Cris, I'm gonna slap you"

Before that match, Mourinho had become embroiled in one of his many spats this season by suggesting that Sporting coach Manuel Preciado had fielded a weakened line-up in a 1-0 defeat against Barcelona. The popular Preciado responded by calling his counterpart a “scumbag” and suggested that Mourinho sit out a suspension in a game against his team with the club’s Ultras.

Málaga's ongoing drop-zone problems saw them sack Jesualdo Ferreira and replace the Portuguese with former Madrid manager and Marca hate-figure Manuel Pellegrini. José Aurelio Gay, coach of table-bottoming Zaragoza, knew his bacon was greased when his club president promised that he would be “on the bench next Monday and Tuesday.” Gay was fired days later and replaced by former Atlético Madrid and Mexico coach Javier Aguirre.

Off the field, a feud over the signing of a new TV deal between Real Madrid and Barcelona and a group of rebels lead by Sevilla and Villarrreal broke out, with the latter wanting a fairer slice of the financial pie and refusing to sign a proposal offered up by the Big Boys.

“We have the worst big league in Europe,” complained Sevilla president José Maria Del Nido, while his Villarreal counterpart Fernando Roig told the Spanish media that “we are fighting to make sure it isn’t a league of two, although a lot of you don’t agree.”

La Liga’s comedy club of the campaign, Hércules, continued its merry way with on-loan winger Royston Drenthe getting caught by the fuzz for blasting through the streets of Alicante in his car at 4am, jumping six red lights in the process. The Real Madrid man told the cops that he was rushing off to the hospital as he thought his passenger who was dying, as opposed to being completely paralytic which was apparently the case.

Don Balón magazine's annual award for prettiest Primera player was handed out in November with lovely Athletic Bilbao central defender Aitor Ocio receiving the prize – and an awful lot of teasing from his teammates, no doubt.

OCTOBER No Plan B for Barça & Mourinho's blacklist
SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

Granada back in the big time after rock-throwing play-offs

Tim Stannard — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 11:16:00 GMT

Are you sitting down? If not, find a perch immediately. For LLL has some shocking news to reveal: Spain's football bosses have had a good idea.

Launching a play-off process for promotion to la Primera for the clubs finishing third through to sixth in la Segunda was, for once, a sound concept. Certainly better than the current ridiculous rule which allows clubs in administration not to pay their players or suppliers but still do transfer deals.

Economically, the play-offs are a good thing for a bunch of beleaguered, cash-strapped second division sides battling for the available places as it gives them more meaningful games at the end of the season. What’s more, the process can also help prevent any ‘odd’ results and goalkeeping performances that cause scandals from time to time by giving more teams more to play for at the end of the campaign. LLL is looking at you, Hércules. But not in an accusatory way, of course.

Although Barcelona’s second side finished in third this year, Luis Enrique’s former team were barred from going up – leaving Elche, Granada, Celta and Valladolid to go into battle, as they did almost literally, with the second leg of the final finishing on Saturday night in a rather unpleasantly violent manner.

In the semi-finals, Elche disposed of Valladolid whilst Granada squeaked through against Celta on penalties – throwing the third- and fourth-placed teams together in a duel. Last Wednesday's first leg in Granada ended goalless, leaving the tie as open as Atlético Madrid's exit door.

And so Saturday night saw a 39,000 sell-out Elche’s Martínez Valero stadium. Playing a match of such importance at nine at night was necessary because of the heat and TV audiences, but it certainly increased chances of some fans becoming a touch tired and emotional before, during and after the match – something which became clear when the final whistle went.

Granada took the lead through a great solo effort from Ighalo in the first half. Elche then had a perfectly good goal disallowed for offside, but did pull one back with 10 minutes to go. However, Granada hung on for dear life to win a place back in la Primera after a 35-year absence.

Their opponents weren’t in the mood to shake their hands and give them a pat on the back with supporters running onto the pitch to have a pop at the Granada players – including goalkeeper Roberto, who was hit on the back.

The heckles were just as high on the benches, with Granada manager Fabri being sent off with two minutes to go and Elche coach José Bordalás accusing his counterpart of doing a bit of an ‘up yours’ gesture after Granada’s goal, although LLL would suggest it was more of a ‘Come on Tim!’ Henman-style fist pump.

“Fabri is not worthy of his profession. I didn’t like anything about his attitude or the way he behaved,” ranted the taking-defeat-on-the-chin Bordalás. “He gave off the image of a regional manager – at the end he came over to provoke us.”

That was certainly what small sections of the Elche support did before and after the game, with bottles and rocks among the objects thrown at the Granada team bus as it arrived at the stadium. TV pictures also showed objects being hurled at the celebrating Granada supporters in the stands after the game, despite riot police and security staff trying to control the situation. “Intolerable aggressions which betray the values of sport and exceed the excitement felt by football,” wrote Marca’s editorial on Sunday.

The question now is whether Granada have any chance of staying up next season. The club’s rise and rise to the top flight has been quite remarkable, with back-to-back promotions out of the Segunda B division under Fabri, an experienced coach now at his 24th club.

Technically, Granada are in an administration process with debts of €7m but that isn’t really an issue in Spanish football with clubs allowed to continue on their merry way despite such a burden around their neck.

Granada are benefiting heavily from a deal signed in 2009 with Udinese, who had links with current president Enrique Pina. “They have backed our project with economic investment and above all players,” explained the Granada president, referring to the 12 members of the squad currently on loan from Udinese. This may help boost Granada’s survival chances next year, with talk of Barcelona players being loaned to the Andalusian outfit as part of the deal for Alexis Sánchez from Udinese.

Granada may well go into the new campaign as one of the strong favourites to go down, but the club’s Italian connection may well give la Primera’s newest members a helping hand.

No football? Who cares? Madrid & Barça still fight

Tim Stannard — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 11:44:00 GMT

“Good effort, pats on the back and hip, hip, hooray!” is Friday's message from LLL, with Barcelona and Real Madrid proving that they don’t need football to have an unseemly cat-fight and keep everyone momentarily diverted from pretending to be interested in U-21 football all of a sudden.

Just when hostilities had died down in the siesta-inducing summer sun one month after the Clásico craziness, Barcelona president Sandro Rosell decided to stoke the embers of this particular footballing barbecue with a full-on, take-our-ball-home, not-fair strop aimed at evil Real Madrid.

Reading from a statement at a press gathering on Thursday afternoon, Rosell complained that “we believe that this season Real Madrid has gone beyond all the limits of the necessary sporting rivalry, making accusations against our club that have no foundation.”

NEWS Thu 16 Jun Rosell restokes Real war of words

The Barça boss was in part referring to an accusation published by radio station COPE in which a journalist claimed that an unnamed source at Real Madrid was suggesting that Barça were doping their players – an accusation that was withdrawn by the station a day later. However, Rosell felt that Madrid were not strong enough in distancing themselves from the story at the time.

“I can assure you that if someone in the name of FC Barcelona had made an accusation of this kind we would have acted with firmness, denying it immediately and taking those responsible to court,” said a strident Rosell.

The Barcelona president was also miffed at José Mourinho’s rambling hints that the Catalan club were the beneficiaries of a UEFA-UNICEF-Illuminati plot to ensure that they are Europe’s top team along with the accusations of cheating from Barça players and racism from Busquets during the Champions League semis. Rosell then threatened that if Madrid were to follow a similar path next year then “Barça will be obliged to look at breaking off relations.”

Over in Mordor, Madrid mused for a while on their response and issued a reply five hours later saying that the club “regrets the unfortunate statement” made but understood that Barça’s board were under pressure from the local media to take “a more aggressive attitude towards our entity.”

The statement continued by claiming that the accusations of doping had nothing to do with anyone at the club and everything was denied at the time. It also noted tit-for-tat that “Barcelona lodged an astonishing formal complaint against the coach of Real Madrid at UEFA, something unprecedented in the relations between our clubs.” The official response concluded by reinforcing the message that Madrid would continue its commitment to fair play and the battle against racism. Unlike another club, perhaps, was the between-the-lines hint.

The response to the rumble in the Madrid media was unusually tame with AS editor Alfredo Relaño opining that Rosell’s tone was “firm but not excessive” and pointed out that “Mourinho is the real problem in these relations. Barça hate him and are afraid of him. Madrid are afraid of him too but need him.”

Marca felt that Rosell was stirring unnecessarily but asked in Friday's editorial that “the two most important clubs in the world limit themselves to a strictly sporting realm. Real Madrid and Barcelona are much more than this and should set an example for the millions of fans they represent.”

Over in the Catalan capital, Sport have got their cavalry and bugles out to support their club president in his forceful discourse. “It was tough but impeccable,” wrote Josep María Casanovas. “It’s a way of saying ‘Enough!’ From now on, no more nonsense from the Portuguese coach will be tolerated and it also demands that Florentino Pérez’s club do not overstep the limits of sporting behaviour with dirty tactics. It’s his ultimatum.”

Writing in Mundo Deportivo, whose headline screams of an “Ultimatum to Madrid”, Santi Nolla reports that “Rosell stood up to Madrid and told him that he would not cross his arms if Mou-Flo sully the name of Barça once again, like they did last season.”

Barcelona’s rather strident tone in its accusations at Real Madrid and the stroppy response from the Santiago Bernabeu suggest that this is battle that is going to become even more unseemly over the next season, especially with a Super Cup double-header to come in August.

LLL expects more insults, slurs, handbag-bashing and a fair bit of slander thrown in for good measure.

And LLL can’t wait.

The worst cup draw ever?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 15:40:00 GMT

When you ask the president of one of the clubs involved in a draw to actively participate in it too, you're always asking for trouble. But that's what the Spanish FA did when letting Pablo Córdoba, president of Alcobendas Sport, take part in a draw for the promotion play-offs for the Segunda B division – the third tier of Spanish football.

Images released by segoviaaldia.es show Córdoba to be particularly chuffed by drawing Arandina out of the bowl – unusual, considering the second team had yet to be selected. Amazingly enough, that second team turned out to be his own.

"People are free to be suspicious," said Cordoba when asked about the images, admitting that Arandina was geographically nearer than another side in the draw making it a preferred choice, "but I assure you we haven't cheated anyone. I had a wish and a desire, nothing more."

Check out what happened from 3.45 to 4.17 – and watch the hands...

Why Barça should sign Vidic, not Cesc – and Real should bag Bale

Tim Stannard — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 11:31:00 GMT

LLL has a tiny brain when it comes to football tactics. Public questions about how a manager should improve their flagging side during a game are normally answered with a muttered "tell them to play better". Then again, the blog suspects that’s what the €10m-a-year coaches of world football are doing, but writing in on a tablet computer instead.

Nevertheless, this general ignorance has not stopped LLL from stepping into Pep and José’s hand-crafted Italian shoes to tell them who they should sell and buy this summer...

BARCELONA
Defence
In key games last season, Carles Puyol played at left-back and Javier Mascherano in central defence. That's a clear suggestion that some holes need to be plugged at the back – no Gerard Piqué love-life joke intended.

Barça have wasted nearly €70m in past seasons trying to find a permanent replacement to Puyol – stand up Henrique, Dmytro Chygrynskiy, Gaby Milito, Martín Cáceres. They'd have been better purchasing a crash test dummy and sticking a Deirdre Barlow wig on it.

That needs to be fixed with a poach for Milan’s Thiago Silva, as is reported this week in the Spanish press – or Nemanja Vidic, to continue the tradition of Manchester United being Barça’s centre-back feeder club – along with the promotion of one of the cantera players such as Andreu Fontás, who started five league games last season.

Knee-knacked Carles Puyol is far from being proper cover for Dani Alves at right-back, so maybe Barça should promote Spain U21 player Martín Montoya from their reserves if there isn't a Maxwell or Adriano type available for a decent price.

"Hello Leo. Need a big lad at the back?"

Midfield
Considering Barcelona are domestic and continental champions, money's a little tight at the Camp Nou, with a kitty of just €45m plus cash from sales. With the squad already a touch on the slender side, the big question is should Barcelona splurge everything – either almost all the cash or a good slice of it with several fringe players thrown in – on Cesc Fabregas, with only a few minor players added otherwise?

LLL’s instructions are to wait a year. The midfield isn’t a priority area for reinforcement; if a despondent Cesc has a dog of a season at Arsenal he might lose €10m or so in value by next summer, when the Catalan club’s finances will be in better order. With the emergence of Spain U21 star Thiago, things seem to be fine for the Dream Boys in this department.

Attack
Pep should flog Bojan (wanted by Barça back-roomer turned Roma boss Luis Enrique) and Jeffren while he still can. Both seem too flimsy, not to mention being poorer copies of what Barça already have as options up front.

Rather than going for Alexis Sánchez or Giuseppe Rossi – who wouldn’t be a bad idea nonetheless – Guardiola should revert to his Big Man Up Front Plan B concept, the one which saw Zlatan Ibrahimovic brought in at huge expense but moved out due to bad ‘feeling’.

This means the purchase of Fernando Llorente from Athletic Bilbao for €30m. Since breaking into the Spain team the big forward has already proved he can fit in with the tiki-taka give-and-go fancy-pants football, so slotting in alongside so many of the same players for Barcelona shouldn’t be a problem. And Llorente’s ego isn't so inflated that he would demand to start every game either. Easy.

The blog also likes the idea of picking up Frédéric Kanouté for a year, just to have him about as a Henrik Larsson type figure.

In – Thiago/Vidic, Llorente, Thiago, Kanouté (plus Fontás and Montoya)
Out – Bojan, Jeffren and Hleb (if he' still a Barça player)

REAL MADRID
Defence
Much depends on whether José Mourinho is going to move Sergio Ramos permanently to play at centre-back alongside Pepe, Ricardo Carvalho or Raúl Albíol. If so, the middle is filled nicely. LLL would therefore suggest that skinflint Florentino Pérez gets the dusty chequebook out for once with some flying full-backs to add a bit of competition for Marcelo and Alvaro Arbeloa and zip up the wings: Gareth Bale and Maicon should be a snip at €70m between them. The sale of Ezequiel Garay can probably fund about one fourteenth of that.

"Hmm, this lot seem quite handy…"

Midfield
José Mourinho has already been busy this summer, bringing in Hamit Altintop, Nuri Sahin and former Espanyol midfielder José Callejón. The first should be a handy if unexciting utility player, the second is cover for Xabi Alonso, the third is baffling.

To make room, Madrid are going to have to shift a few players. Lassana Diarra says he wants to leave, as does Lady Gago. Either of them should be easy enough to flog to Arsenal; Pepe can always cover Sami Khedira in case of injury or suspension.

Returning loanee Royston Drenthe will almost certainly leave and that’s an option that should also be taken by Esteban Granero, who's more than good enough to play for a top six team in Spain but perhaps not the top two.

Pedro León may want to think about his options as well, considering Mourinho seems to hate his guts. If Madrid are looking for another expensive splurge then LLL would recommend Santi Cazorla, just for the heck of it, although the playmaker may not fit into Madrid’s scheme of things and could be wasted on the bench.

Attack
As Mourinho is now his own sporting director, the Madrid manager is going to get his four strikers at last. At the moment these are Karim Benzema, Gonzalo Higuaín, a youth teamer called Alvaro Morata (that was the plan last season, any way) and one other spot that could well be filled by Emmanuel Adebayor.

If Madrid can agree a fee with Manchester City and wages with the striker, then the loan deal should be made permanent. If not, then €45m on Kun Agüero is a good shout – although it would create a nightmare trying to keep all the forwards happy unless Mourinho manufactures a major tactical switch for next season. As for Neymar, LLL's advice is "Run away, run away".

It may hurt Florentino Pérez to do so, but it's time to bite the bullet on Kaká and flog him to Chelsea or Manchester City on a cut-price deal and have Sergio Canales as the back-up to Mesut Özil.

In – Bale, Maicon, Adebayor/Agüero
Out – Kaká, Lassana Diarra, Drenthe, Pedro León, Garay, Granero, Gago

Review of the Season: No plan ‘B’ for Barça & Mourinho’s blacklist

Tim Stannard — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 12:16:00 GMT

OCTOBER
Real Madrid ended October above Barcelona after perfect month – essential in a league where dropping a single point is as advisable as jamming your todger in a toaster. Pep’s Dream Boys carelessly threw away two precious points at the Camp Nou in a 1-1 draw against Mallorca, prompting mass panty-bunching panic in the Catalan capital.

“Guardiola has no plan B to dynamite defences that are made of concrete,” fretted Joan Batlle in Sport, suggesting a tactic only permitted in the fourth tier of Spanish football.

More interesting in Mordor was how Madrid would cope in the Copa del Rey and Champions League, two competitions in which the club had wobbled in recent years. Against Murcia, José Mourinho was so mindful of another Copa catastrophe like the previous season's knock-out by Alcorcón that he threatened to send any underperformers to the same place as Pedro León: dead to him. “If they don’t play well, then I’ll stick Castilla [second team] players on the bench.”

The first leg down south was a goalless draw, a result that satisfied Mourinho more than his opposite number. “I’m upset: I told the players that if they didn’t repeat Alcorcón then they’ll be on my blacklist,” joshed mirthful Murcia manager Iñaki Alonso.

Madrid faced a tougher test in the Champions League with the visit of Milan, an opportunity game which gave Mourinho a chance to indulge his favourite hobby of insulting opposition managers. In response to an apparent spat with Milan boss Massimo Allegri during his Serie A spell, the Special One claimed modestly that there was nowt betwixt the pair: “What rivalry can there be between a double European champion and a coach playing his third Champions League game?”

The main news in Barcelona – the fun stuff, anyway – was more mudslinging between current president Sandro Rosell and former bigwig Joan Laporta, with Rosell trying to brand his predecessor financially incompetent.

Receipts were published revealing that Laporta’s regime had blown €90,000 on 1644 guest tickets for a Camp Nou U2 concert and an eyebrow-raising €2m on private detectives between 2005 and 2009.

After an audit of the club’s coffers, Rosell claimed that Barça hadn't made the €11m profit Laporta claimed for the previous season but a €79m loss. Laporta's retort that “they have manipulated the accounts we presented” left everyone baffled as to who to believe. The eventual consensus seemed to be 'neither'.

Zaragoza continued their poor start to the season and sat bottom of the table. One place above them were Deportivo, who managed their first win of the month on October’s last day. At the beginning, coach Miguel Angel Lotina was still in high spirits claiming that “only the mediocre resign,” but towards the end the poor fella was feeling the strain: “I’ve spent two nights without a wink of sleep and yesterday I had to ask the club doctor for help.” LLL isn't sure whether Lotina asked the doc for medication or to play up front.

Málaga’s big-money quest to be la Liga’s reference point of the south wasn’t quite going to plan, with the side sitting third-bottom by October's end. But this was no dullard Deportivo side: Málaga were wonderful to watch at both ends, with the team going into their clash a few weeks earlier with Real Madrid as la Primera’s top scorers whilst possessing the worst defensive record.

New boys Hércules were learning fast that for a club to survive in la Primera, it helps to have a few basics like training facilities and salaries. The Alicante outfit didn't have their own practice ground and were travelling about for 300km a week to practice at four different venues – no doubt being kicked off by the nasty big boys at each one. “You can’t imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitches,” complained manager Esteban Vigo.

Cheat of the month, but with a fine excuse, went to Almería’s Juanma Ortiz – who managed to get Málaga’s Eliseu sent off after a challenge in which he later admitted there hd been no contact. “He could have hurt me had he done it!” claimed the midfielder in a defence worse than Málaga's.

SEPTEMBER Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça's expensive past
AUGUST Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

PLUS La Liga Loca's review of every team's season

Review of the season: Jose bores Bernabeu & Barça’s expensive past

Tim Stannard — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:43:00 GMT

September

The month may have begun with the odd and more than a little disturbing sight of Atlético Madrid at the top of the table, but it ended with the very pretty picture of Valencia and Villarreal as the top two, with Barcelona and Real Madrid for once playing catch-up.

Pep’s Dream Boys were suffering from the home defeat at the hands of Hércules in the second round - a loss that ultimately proved to be a bit of a one-off fluke - while José Mourinho was making few friends in Mordor, with blooming awful football and a second goalless draw in five, against Levante.

“At the moment, Madrid are boring us, it must be said loud and clear,” announced AS editor Alfredo Relaño after a grindingly efficient 1-0 win against Osasuna at the Santiago Bernabeu, Mourinho’s home league debut. The Madrid man’s defence for a stuttering start was a lack of training time with his full squad due to the World Cup and September internationals, along with the oft overlooked fact that he is “not Harry Potter.”

The supporters certainly didn’t buy the excuses, with the home crowd booing their performances - something that Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t take too well to. “It would be better if they helped us by motivating us to improve,” retorted the forward, fighting against decades of tradition in the grumpy Santiago Bernabeu stands.

Ronaldo was then fighting against Iker Casillas, with the club captain siding with girlfriend Sara Carbonero, by admitting that his colleague was egotistical, "but not in a bad way.”

"Hey, if I was egotistical, would I bring a microphone onto the pitch...?"

Mourinho appeared to be just as bored as the Madrid supporters, and even tried to manage Portugal for a couple of games just to pass the time after Carlos Queiroz was given the post-World Cup elbow. This particular door was slammed in Jose's face with the former Inter boss admitting that “the Madridista family would see it in a negative way.”

This didn't stop him moaning that looking after the likes of Esteban Granero and Marcelo during an international break was like “ten days of holiday.”

Over in the Catalan camp, and Marca had fashioned a dramatic “Corruption at Barça!” logo in response to invoices released by the new regime showing Joan Laporta and his board had perhaps been a little fast and loose with the club’s expense account - something denied by the former president who attacked the “Spanish media cavern” for trying to besmirch his reputation as he looked to embark on a political career.

Laporta’s claims were not aided when a photo of him covered in champagne in a night club, holding a cigar and looking rather ‘relaxed’ was leaked, and things got even worse when it was reported he had spent €420,000 on watches for the players - explained away as something to make “life comfortable for the footballers.”

Former VP, Alfonso Godall, then claimed that “the president of Barcelona can’t travel in tourist class or go by bus or metro with a ten journey pass,” like other mere mortals.

Barcelona responded to these stories by issuing a typically pompous code of conduct for the team’s directors, employees and players and very little has been heard of the accusations of expense splurging since.

Over at Villarreal, club president Fernando Roig was trying to ditch the great Primera tradition of two presidents who clearly despise each other being forced to sit next to eachother during matches and not express any emotion whatsoever. Roig wanted to be able to keep his own company and revealed that “I’ve spent some time proposing this to la Liga.”

An early indication of Deportivo’s eventual relegation came when the team failed to score a goal from open play in their first five games. Although Miguel Angel Lotina’s mind-blowingly dull men grabbed two in a draw against Getafe, both strikes were penalties. Aside from that, four other games ended with a big, fat zero on the Deportivo scoresheet.

The first sacking of the season came at Sevilla with the very predictable dismissal of Antonio Alvarez after just six months in charge. The southern side were lacking a little élan in la Liga and were also knocked out of the Champions League in the preliminary stages by unfancied Braga.

Espanyol saw another sign of Spain’s peculiar penalty system, with José Callejón fined €3,000 for revealing a t-shirt tribute to Dani Jarque - considerably more than the fines doled-out to those cheeky-beggars who intentionally threw extra balls onto the pitch, a late season trend which cost only €602 for the offending club.

Why it won’t be Barça v Barça next season

Tim Stannard — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 14:54:00 GMT

If you apply a couple of tweaks to our universe - and to the one inhabited by Marca for good measure - then we’d all be enjoying Barcelona and Barcelona ‘B’ playing in la Primera next season in a tiki-taka paradise.

It isn’t going to be possible, but that’s probably a good thing all round. It's good for the Madridista press, who would have had to churn out twice the amount of whining bilge about refereeing conspiracies, and it's good for the Catalan crazies, who are spared from having to double their content of unquestioning sycophancy and fawning in regards to anything concerning the Camp Nou club.

The two tweaks that would be required are firstly to change the rule that says a club’s first and second teams may not participate in the same division and secondly to alter the play-off system that has been introduced for the first time in la Liga for promotion from la Primera to la Segunda.

Although Barcelona ‘B’ finished third in the division behind Betis and Rayo Vallecano, they are barred from both promotion and the play-offs, which means the clubs finishing fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh are taking part in home-and-away semis and a two-legged final.

Elche, Granada, Celta and Valladolid played the first leg of the semi-finals this week and rather than being a joyous occasion it was all a little bit tragic as two of these four clubs are just as much in the financial basket-case category as promoted sides Betis and Rayo Vallecano.

Champions Betis are in Spain’s version of administration with players going unpaid due to club debts hovering “between €64m in the best of cases and around €90m in the worst” according to a report issued by administrators.

Runners-up Rayo Vallecano, who finished second are in the early stages of administration having long since given up on the concept of paying their staff. Of the teams involved in the play-offs, Granada are also in the administration process and Celta Vigo are only just recovering from their own financial nightmares.

These two sides faced each other in Vigo on Wednesday and it was Celta who took a 1-0 lead into this weekend’s second leg. Of the four play-off contenders, Celta Vigo are perhaps the team best equipped to mount a survival challenge in la Primera. Although the Galicians have been out of the top flight for four seasons, it's only five years ago that they managed to finish sixth. In a similar situation to Real Sociedad and their own road to recovery, Celta have looked to their youth academy to drag them back towards la Primera again.

Andalusian side Granada have been out of the top flight since 1988 and have spent a large chunk of the last decade in the desolate wasteland that is the third tier of Spanish football. However, Granada are now looking at back-to-back promotions with a team largely made up of loanees from Udinese, due to a deal struck with the Serie A side that sees Ghanian international defender Jonathan Mensah turning out for the Spanish club.

Valladolid finished seventh in the division but have a 1-0 advantage in their clash with Elche. Sunday's second leg takes place over on the east coast in a whopper of a ground that holds 39,000 – not bad considering Elche haven't been in La Primera since 1978.

Whilst this play-off process has been taking place, three Primera sides have appointed new managers. Luis García was presented before at least 15 Getafe supporters on Thursday having penned a three year deal – a confident contract for a confident coach. Levante have replaced Luis García with Juan Ignacio, who was at second division side Cartagena.

Atlético Madrid are set to unveil Gregorio Manzano on Friday in a one year deal - LLL will make no comment there except to say that the former Sevilla man is a ‘safe pair of hands’ but hardly sets the pulses running amongst the Vicente Calderón faithful.

Elsewhere, the Spanish press is in full transfer speculation mode with the Catalan papers banging the Cesc Fabregas drum again and trying to work out what Alexis Sánchez is up to. Meanwhile, in Madrid's world, it’s all about potential deals for Kun Agüero, Neymar and Fabio Coentrao - none of which have progressed one inch in the two weeks since the stories started up, with little change expected in the next seven days.

Review of the season: Pep & Zlatan fall out as Madrid move for Özil

Tim Stannard — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:41:00 GMT

August

The month began as most do in la Liga - with a big, stinky controversy fishier than a Valencia pavement café which was only cast aside by the Spanish press when José Mourinho said something particularly outrageous and offensive.

This particular bit of dodgy business focussed on Hércules - one of the more colourful clubs in la Primera last season - with reports suggesting particular members of the Alicante side may have ‘encouraged’ opposition teams to perhaps not try as hard as they might during the club’s promotion campaign from la Segunda the previous season.

An Alicante judge investigating potential criminal acts in one of the mafia’s most beloved of business enterprises, rubbish collection, came across a taped phone call of Hércules owner, Enrique Ortiz, reportedly chatting with a buddy about one particular rigged match against Córdoba.

At this point, it is definitely worth noting that everyone at Hércules, including Córdoba and the players involved in the match in question, denied any such skullduggery. The claims could not be backed-up with hard evidence, prompting the Spanish FA and Spanish League to archive the investigation through lack of evidence, with the judge unable to hand over the apparently incriminating recording as it formed part of a completely separate investigation.

Another motivating factor for a spot of head-burying for Spain’s football big wigs must have been the chaos that would have ensued had Hércules been found guilty, with a reorganisation of the promotion and relegation places in la Segunda required just days before the start of the Spanish season, or even midway through it.

Barcelona also found themselves in a bit of a pickle, with Pep Guardiola keen to offload his madcap man-mountain, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Having become another player that the Barça boss had no ‘feeling’ for - we'll call it a bout of Eto’o-itis - the month's back pages were dominated by talk of what the Dream Boys would do with their expensive Swede.

"If you're under my roof, you live by my rules!!!"

‘Nothing’ was the initial reaction from Zlatan’s agent, Mino Raiola, who moaned on the August 18 that he was “tired of the speculation” over his client. This attitude changed days later when the forward was dropped for a Spanish Super Cup clash with Sevilla, forcing a loan deal with AC Milan with a view to his eventual purchase.

It was at that point the yummy nastiness began, with Zlatan complaining that his manager barely had any contact with him. “If I have only spoken to him twice in the last six months, it’s for a reason,” confirmed Pep. “I’d go into a room, he’d leave it. I don’t know if he was afraid of me,” fumed Zlatan who is still unaware that pretty much every one in the world pees their pants every time the giant, martial arts-loving, short tempered old rogue comes into view. Especially after he has been dropped for a key match...

The month began badly within the Forces of Mordor, with permanently crocked Kaká in trouble for failing to report his knee-knack to Real Madrid before going on holiday. There was even a school of thought that he should have sat out the World Cup in South Africa to recover from his rather uncomfortable-sounding groin issues.

José Mourinho then began a familiar refrain that would eventually lead to a huge falling-out and the eventual sacking of Director General, Jorge Valdano. “Real Madrid can’t play 10 months of competition with two strikers,” complained the manager, who was just starting to grow tired of Karim Benzema’s somewhat lackadaisical attitude to training.

With Kaká showing no signs of being fully fit ever again, Madrid turned to Werder Bremen’s Mesut Özil, a forward who Mundo Deportivo took great delight in pointing out had confessed the previous year that he had “been a fan of Barcelona ever since I was a little boy."

The ever reliable Luis Fabiano proved once again to all doubters that he was committed to the Sevilla cause by revealing that “I think my future is with Sevilla, the truth is that I’ve not had one thought about leaving this year.” That changed seven months later when the forward legged it back to Brazil and Sao Paolo.

Atlético Madrid began the campaign with the usual high spirits and a rotund Diego Costa who moaned that “I suffered a lot losing the weight I put on.” The Rojiblancos even lead the table after the first round of matches after a 4-0 win over Sporting, a weekend of games that saw Dull Deportivo’s first of eight goalless draws and an opening day 0-0 for Real Madrid at Mallorca.

It was at this point that AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, clearly decided to curse the Vicente Calderón club with the soothing opinion that “they start the year at peace, with a team people like and accept. They are good up front and safe at the back.”

It was a situation that was to last just a couple more weeks once September came around...

Atlético fall off managerial merry-go-round as public vote for Aragonés

Tim Stannard — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 14:30:00 GMT

Pretty much the only workers in Spain making any kind of decent money these days - legally, that is - are contract lawyers. These legal eagles have been locked in boardrooms around the country trying every tactic from clauses only visible to themselves to blubbing uncontrollably in order to get their football manager clients out of their current inconvenient deals.

Of course, the whole process will be repeated again in a year’s time probably, with the same itchy footed clients, but for the moment there are quite a few clubs looking at filling their managerial vacancies by pinching somebody else's coach.

Sevilla are the latest to pull off such a trick, by unveiling Marcelino - the manager who had only just rejoined Racing for a second spell back in February - as the Andalucian club's third new boss in a year. The coach with the most famous duffel coat in the land was tempted to Sevilla by the chance of managing in Europe and working at a club with a lot less confusion and confrontation behind the scenes, having fallen out with Racing owner Ahsan Ali Syed. “He cheated us and broke all of his promises,” fumed Marcelino after departing the side from Santander for a second time in three years.

Despite being a flat-capped, whippet-fancying northerner, Marcelino has headed south to put an errant club back on the straight and narrow, in what he called “the most exciting project of my career" at Tuesday’s presentation.

Another side who have filled a managerial sized hole are Real Sociedad, who looked north to France for their recruitment drive, picking up Valenciennes coach Philippe Montanier, a manager who lead Boulogne into the top flight for the first time in 2009 and hauled his latest team into mid-table.

While all this has been going on, Atlético Madrid are still left without a manager. The club’s two bickering leaders, Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil, are currently flitting between Luis Enrique - who now looks likely to take over at Roma having previously coached Barcelona’s B team, Joaquín Caparrós - who is waiting to see where he stands in Athletic Bilbao’s upcoming presidential elections, and the currently unemployed Gregorio Manzano.

However, AS published a readers poll last week which suggested Luis Aragonés was the fans' preferred choice. The former national team coach won 38% of the vote, although that figure may well have been inflated thanks to cheeky Real Madrid fans hoping for even more comedy down at the Vicente Calderón next season...

Getafe have been trying to pry LLL’s manager of the year Luis García from Levante, but their main man had some problems getting himself out of his current contract in what the Valencia side perceived to be a hostile approach from the Coliseum club.

“I would have liked to have had a call from the Getafe president,” complained Levante big wig Quico Catalán. “I don’t have to phone him,” retorted Angel Torres, “I don’t negotiate clauses. I said I’d sign a coach who was available and I’m waiting for him to cancel his (current) contract and bring him in.”

That now appears to have happened with Levante announcing that Luis García would be moving on after three years in charge of the former Segunda Division side to leave just the red-and-white striped side in Madrid with an empty hotseat.

La Liga Review 2010/11: Sorry Sevilla and Dastardly Zaragoza

Tim Stannard — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 14:26:00 GMT

Tim Stannard wraps up his end-of-season review of La Liga with the final five Primera clubs...

Sevilla
Final Position - 5th
LLL Prediction - 5th

It could have been worse. That’s perhaps the most polite way to describe a fairly forgettable season for Sevilla, which started appallingly in August with their expulsion from the Champions League qualifiers at the hands of Braga - a loss that eventually lead to the sacking of Antonio Alvarez at the end of September with the coach being replaced by Gregorio Manzano.

Although the former Mallorca man managed to drag Sevilla by the goolies to a fifth-placed finish in May, it was a dithering, inconsistent and wasteful campaign from the Andalusians who were not far off from disappearing into the mid-table wilderness.

Manzano has now been disposed of and Racing’s excitable Marcelino is set to take charge. There are still some grounds for optimism for Sevilla, with Ivan Rakitic, Jesús Navas and Alvaro Negredo in the squad, but it’s a club that needs an enormous kick up the jacksie over the summer for it to make progress next year.

Highlight Alvaro Negredo finally getting his head together to come up with 20 goals and finish as the season's top Spanish striker in la Primera.

Lowlight The Braga disaster, a five match losing streak through November and December which saw home defeats to Mallorca, Getafe and Almería.

Sporting
Final Position - 10th
LLL Prediction - 14th

It was so close to going horribly wrong for Sporting and their people’s favourite coach, Manuel Preciado, when they found themselves second-from-bottom of the table at the beginning of January. The longest serving Primera manager was seconds away from the sack at a club that is one of the least trigger-happy in Spain, but a last minute goal to earn a draw against Racing followed by three quick-fire wins after that helped give Sporting the confidence needed to launch a desperate but ultimately successful survival campaign.

Highlight Manuel Preciado calling José Mourinho a ‘scumbag’ for implying his team did not try in a match against Barcelona at the Camp Nou. Sporting then got extra revenge by beating Real Madrid at the Bernabeu, inflicting a first league home defeat on Mourinho in nine years.

Lowlight Nacho Novo. In general.

Valencia
Final Position - 3rd
LLL Prediction - 6th

LLL really doesn’t know what it’s going on about most of the time. First off, the blog thought the departures of David Silva and David Villa would lead to a season of slumber at the Mestalla, a prediction proven quite, quite wrong in May. LLL then assumed a decent Champions League run and instant qualification for next year’s competition would see manager, Unai Emery, very much the man of the moment at Valencia with his contract running out.

Apparently this wasn’t the case with the club president, Manuel Llorente, displaying laudable people skills by confessing to checking out other options like a footballer in a bar ten minutes before closing time. He did, however, eventually opt to stick with what he had.

Emery has done another fine year’s work at the Mestalla, working with the club’s enormous debt, notoriously huffy fans and the usual bouts of indiscipline from the players, and arguably deserves to be at a team where he is a little more appreciated.

Highlight A brilliant game and last minute winner in Mestalla that saw a 4-3 win for Valencia and Unai Emery chucking his coat about like the lovable loon he is.

Lowlight The worst defending ever seen in a 6-3 home defeat to Real Madrid.

Villarreal
Final Position - 4th
LLL Prediction - 7th

For once, a team qualified for the Europa League and actually tried to win the blooming thing, realising that if Atlético Madrid can do it then anyone else with the ability to kick a ball about can repeat the feat. This attempt - which failed against Porto at the semi-final stages - ultimately cost Villarreal a decent shot at a third place finish, which was certainly what Juan Carlos Garrido’s team deserved after playing some of the tastiest football in la Liga for much of the campaign before fatigue set in.

To this end, it’s hard to know whether Villarreal’s year can be counted as a complete success until the club’s Champions League qualifier. If that match is won, then Garrido will continue to build his reputation as a managerial one-to-watch in Europe.

Highlight Giuseppe Rossi’s ridiculous effort against Espanyol. Cani’s ridiculous effort against Osasuna.

Lowlight Losing at home to Levante was not a great day for the club.

Zaragoza
Final Position - 13th
LLL Prediction - 16th

Footballing proof that the bad guys do win some of the time. Zaragoza fought to stay up through fair means and foul this season. Fair through the tenaciousness of coach, Javier Aguirre, that brought about a vital win at the Santiago Bernabeu. Foul with members of the Zaragoza squad - as well as the ball boys - lobbing balls onto the pitch at inopportune times when opposition teams were attacking.

Zaragoza also gained a competitive advantage over one relegation opponent, Getafe, by failing to make the transfer payments on former blues striker, Ikechukwu Uche, and then fielding him during a 2-1 win in La Romareda, the game which also the ball being chucked onto the pitch by a substitute to add insult to injury.

Highlight Gabi’s goals and leadership in the final run-in.

Lowlight See all of the above.

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner

La Liga Review 2010/11: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner

Tim Stannard — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 10:17:00 GMT

Our man in Madrid, Tim Stannard, continues his round-up of the 2010/11 Primera Liga season...

Mallorca

Final Position - 17th
LLL Prediction - 13th

Mallorca’s last day scrap against relegation was more than a little freakish considering the Balearic club hadn’t been below 13th since the fourth round of league matches. Until that point, LLL was set to be in full patronising, back tickling mode splurging about what a great job Michael Laudrup had done in managing a team that was in administration and reeling from the traditional fire sale of all its best players.

But that’s still the feeling the blog despite the last day scare that saw Mallorca being a Deportivo goal away from probable oblivion, as the late worries were mainly caused by the side making it to 42 points by the end of April and then assuming the job was done, picking up just two more in the final five matches.

Highlight Gnarly old Cameroon pro Pierre Webo having his best season in eight years of la Primera with 11 goals. Plus the emergence of Emilio Nsue up front.

Lowlight Mallorca fans calling their most influential player last year, Borja Valero, ‘a mercenary’ for moving to Villarreal. Especially rude considering the midfielder was actually owned by West Brom and only on loan at Mallorca.

Osasuna
Final Position - 9th
LLL Prediction - 17th

Don’t be fooled by Osasuna’s fancy-pants, hootin’ tootin’ ninth place finish. The Pamplona side could just as easily have been relegated on the last day of the season, when about half the league battled to avoid the drop.

For much of the campaign, it looked like it was the end of their spell in la Primera. However, for once, a change of manager actually worked, with hard-bitten, frosty, gruff and aggressive José Luis Mendilibar turning out to a perfect fit for a hard-bitten, frosty, gruff and aggressive club.

Osasuna’s tactics rarely veer from their traditional “wham bam, wipe it on a curtain, no time for a thank you, Mam” direct approach - think Stoke but less subtle - and the team used it to great effect in the final run-in by picking up four wins from the last five games, having been defeated in the previous four matches. And that’s a very good thing as a Primera division without Osasuna simply isn’t worth watching.

Highlight Helping to end the title chances of the dastardly Real Madrid with a 1-0 victory over Mourinho's men. And don't forget the spat between Walter Pandiani and Cristiano’s over wages, which ended with the Uruguayan admitting to the press that the Madrid man would have needed a dentist where he came from for saying what he did.

Lowlight Losing quite comfortably to a Barcelona side that, thanks to an air traffic controller strike, played literally minutes after stepping off the team bus having sped north by train and road.

Racing Santander
Final Position - 12th
LLL Prediction - 18th

The words 'entertaining' and 'Racing' rarely mix, given the only thing exciting that’s ever happened to the side from Santander is a European finish three years ago. Aside from that it’s been naff all from Racing in the club’s 98 year history.

But all that was set to change with the arrival of Indian businessman Ali Syed, who promised to bring forth days of milk and honey to the club before immediately going forth and doing a vanishing act. It's said he repeatedly broke promises regarding money owed to the players and the various institutions the club was bought from.

However, Ali Syed’s arrival did spark a momentary boost for Racing, who were struggling in the bottom half of the table until they were saved from relegation by the return of Marcelino - the coach who lead them to sixth in those giddy days of 2008 but now wants out again.

Highlight Marcelino’s bum tumble celebrating a goal in a fantastic 3-2 win over Sevilla.

Lowlight The ongoing soap opera over the club’s ownership.

Real Madrid
Final Position - 2nd
LLL Prediction - 2nd

Iker Casillas gave his team an eight out of ten for the season and that sounds about right to LLL. Barcelona were once again too strong in the league, with Pep’s Dream Boys barely dropping any points, but huge strides were made elsewhere. The Copa del Rey was won for the first time in 18 years - then dropped and squashed by Sergio Ramos - and Real Madrid made it past the last 16 stages of the Champions League and even to the semi-finals for the first time in seven seasons.

However, an apparent conspiracy involving Barcelona, referees, UEFA, UNICEF and some lizards blocked Madrid’s path to a final, where Pepe would no doubt have been deployed as the anti-Rooney - which would have been fun to watch, come to think of it.

Highlight Ronaldo’s 40 goals. A deserved ‘chapeau’, despite his irritating baby squeezing celebrations for every goal.

Lowlight The Camp Nou 5-0 'bath', of course, but a goalless draw at Levante certainly didn’t help the Madrid cause in the title chase.

Real Sociedad

Final Position - 15th
LLL Prediction - 12th

The club’s president Jokin Aperribay certainly wouldn’t agree, but LLL thought Real Sociedad did just fine on their return to la Primera. Sure, La Real were in danger of relegation on the last day but so was pretty much everyone else in the league. That seems to the be main motivation for the very unfair firing of Martin Lasarte along with a sluggish end to the campaign which was mainly down to fatigue settling into the squad which certainly suffered from losing striker, Joseba Llorente, in January through injury.

Highlight Antoine Griezmann’s car driving celebrations. Inspired.

Lowlight An extraordinarily limp performance in a 3-0 loss at the Vicente Calderón during a five match losing slump for the side from San Sebastian.

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

La Liga Review 2010/11: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster

Tim Stannard — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 14:25:00 GMT

Our man in Spain, Tim Stannard, continues to look back on another incredible year in la Primera with the second installment of his review of the seaon...

Espanyol
Final Position - 8th
LLL Prediction - 11th

Everything was going bizarrely well for Espanyol in the first half of the season, with the Pericos sashaying towards a little European vacation like a particularly camp German towards a sun lounger. Then in January the Catalan club’s bosses thought it would be a fine idea to sell two key defenders, Dídac and Víctor Ruiz, for the princely sum of around €13 million. Espanyol’s plans for a nice little cross-continent road trip promptly crumbled as a team that had spent a good portion of the season in the top six slipped out of the European places into a resting position of 8th, thanks to a fairly feeble three victories since the end of January.

So this has LLL thinking whether all that loot was really worth missing out on testing themselves against the likes of Stoke next season. The answer is probably yes.

Highlight Getting Real Madrid to fork out €4m for José Callejón and his Vanilla Ice hair-do

Lowlight Losing 5-1 in Cornella to Barcelona (below)

Getafe
Final Position - 16th
LLL Prediction - 8th

Ultimately, another hopelessly incorrect prediction from LLL - but for the first half the season all looked well, as Getafe went into the winter break as a top seven team before drumming up just four more victories in the second half of the season, leaving the club in danger of the drop on the last day.

The club’s usually trusty 'buy low, sell high' policy failed this time round. Adrian Colunga proved himself to be no Roberto Soldado, while Javier Arizmendi made it blatantly obvious to any sentient being that he was not a suitable stand-in for Pedro León, who left to become José Mourinho’s punch bag last summer.

Club president Angel Torres clearly wasn’t pleased by the late survival scramble and chose not to rehire Míchel The Manager, looking for someone else to lead the Getafe/Team Dubai reboot in the new campaign.

Highlight Club captain Manu del Moral becoming the club’s top goalscorer in la Primera, scoring nine top flight goals this season (one of which is shown below)

Lowlight Manu del Moral taking advantage of this to get a move to Sevilla.

Hércules
Final Position - 19th
LLL Prediction - 19th

The first words LLL will say about the Alicante club are 'good riddance'. Aside from the words before those two words, of course. The side’s promotion to la Primera was tainted by the whiff of a match-fixing scandal, but the Spanish FA and League decided to archive the case. The chaos surrounding Hércules continued with the club’s players not always seeing their pay cheques on time, having no training facilities and even issues with a lack of hot water in their own stadium.

Hércules president Valentin Botella chose to blame much of his side’s failings, not on his chaotic and amateurish organisation, but rather on loanee winger Royston Drenthe. He moaned that the club weren’t getting value for money from the Madrid player - although the Dutchman disagreed because, as he claimed, his salary had dried up around September time...

This lack of motivation from the players began to tell out on the pitch. Hércules' impressive early season form - which included the unlikely 2-0 win over Barça - was soon a thing of the past, and they sank slowly towards the bottom of the table, where they deserved to be.

Highlight That night in Barcelona (below).

Lowlight Royston Drenthe being verbally abused by Hércules fans and having KKK painted onto the walls of his house due to his reluctance to return to Spain after the winter break due to the financial issues.]

Levante
Final Position - 14th
LLL Prediction - 20th

When LLL first clapped eyes on Levante as they suffered a 4-1 defeat to Getafe in the second round of the league season, the blog thought the side was doomed, what with it being stuffed to the bursting brim with players who made you ponder such questions as ‘didn’t he used to play for...?’ and ‘surely he’s retired?’

Levante were happy to play to that prediction too, but then after the winter break coach Luis García refused to take what looked an inevitable relegation lying down and dragged his players up the table through motivational exercises, DVDs of their finest goals and even making his team murder a song to thank the fans for their help.

Valencia’s second club have survived to fight for another year in the top flight thanks to the 13 goals of Filipe Caicedo, the inspirational leadership of man mountain Sergio Ballesteros and the apparently Getafe-bound Luis García, who almost certainly wins the non-existent prize of LLL’s coach of the year.

Highlight A brilliant 1-0 away win at Villarreal to kickstart the club’s recovery (below).

Lowlight An 8-0 Copa del Rey battering by Real Madrid in the Bernabeu.

Málaga
Final Position - 11th
LLL Prediction - 9th

In the end, Málaga were just one place shy of the pre-season goal of a top ten finish. But that doesn’t really tell the full story of what could have been the sensation of the season in Spain - the relegation of technically one of the richest clubs in the division just one year after being bought out by billionaire owners, hell-bent on turning the club into the Barcelona of the south.

Málaga were in all sorts of trouble going into April, but the return of Julio Baptista (who was signed in January but almost immediately got injured) sent the southern side flying out of the relegation zone with a five match winning streak during which The Beast banged in seven goals, including a spectacular opener away to Racing (video below).

Further investment in the club this summer will ensure that there won’t be a repeat performance of the last campaign where la Primera’s first big dalliance with foreign types controlling the purse strings nearly went spectacularly wrong.

Highlight Manuel Pellegrini taking over to prove to Marca once and for all, that he remains a very good manager.

Lowlight A home defeat to Zaragoza in January which had many doubting the above declaration

Part One: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

La Liga Review 2010/11: Barca give Jose a bath and Depor bite the dust

Tim Stannard — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 09:49:00 GMT

The end of the season is upon us so it’s time for Part One of LLL’s annual ratings and slatings - heavy on the slatings, to be fair - of the season of every team in la Primera, along with each side's highlights and lowlights. Heck, we'll also throw in the pre-season predictions so you can see where LLL went right and very wrong at the beginning of campaign...

Almería
LLL Prediction - 16th
Final Position - 20th

The ever insightful blog thought it may be touch and go for little old Almería in the survival stakes at the start of the season, but there was a little bit too much of the ‘go’ and not quite enough ‘touch’ for the southern side.

Despite finishing bottom of the table with 30 points, only managing to win six games and conceding eight to both Barcelona and Real Madrid, Almería weren’t actually that bad. Honest. Indeed, at times, the team’s counter-attacking, speedy play could be a lot of fun to watch with the pacey pair of Pablo Piatti and Albert Crusat always good value.

The problem was that there wasn’t too much else going on in the team apart from the Valencia-bound Diego Alves in goal. Three different coaches during the campaign thanks to the fine firing work of an itchy-triggered president, certainly didn’t help either.

Highlight Pablo Piatti’s double against Sevilla (below)

Lowlight The 8-0 defeat against Barcelona that cost manager No.1, Juanma Lillo, his job.

Athletic Bilbao
LLL Prediction - 4th
Final Position - 6th

A Champions League finish from Athletic was the blog’s bold prediction before the start of the season and, although it was technically wrong, the spirit of it was bang on.

There’s been a little bit of criticism from the Athletic faithful who also felt that a stronger tilt at a top four finish was possible this year from a fine crop of players that include Fernando Llorente, Javi Martínez, Iker Muniain and Andoni Iraola, especially as five points were dropped in the club’s final three matches - points which could have made all the difference.

But all that seems a little harsh. Fernando Llorente had another outstanding campaign with 18 league goals with half of them being headers, giving an indication of Athletic’s favoured tactics. However, the forward lacked striking support when having an off day with the next highest league scorer being pocket rocket Gaizka Toquero, who grabbed seven. With Athletic not being a team that can easily rectify this issue in the transfer market, a top six finish seems pretty good work in the end.

Highlights Fernando Llorente’s goals

Lowlights ‘Theatrics’ in the penalty area. From Llorente rather a lot of the time.

Atlético Madrid
LLL Prediction - 3rd
Final Position - 7th

A guilty pair of hands up on this one, LLL was miles off. The blog felt that a Europa League win, a confident coach who was popular with fans, the world class striking pair of Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán and the recruitment of Diego Godín and Filipe Luis at the back might put Atlético in with a great shout of finishing 'best of the rest'.

That’s certainly how it seemed at the start, with the Rojiblancos winning the first two games of the season and looking pretty tasty in the process. But then the normal Atlético afflictions began to bite back: reports of in-fighting in the dressing room, sulking players (Forlán this year), supporter discontent and the inability of the club’s president, Enrique Cerezo, to close his trap at the appropriate time and avoid constant speculation on the future of his manager and star players.

Atlético put together a bit of a run at the end of the season to sneak into seventh but lost their manager, Quique Sánchez Flores, in the process and potentially Kun Agüero too. And David Gea. They’ll probably keep Luis Perea though, so that’s more bad news.

Highlights Kun Agüero’s hat-trick on the final day of the season. José Antonio Reyes’s goal against Villarreal.

Lowlight Everything said or done by Miguel Angel Gil and Enrique Cerezo. And Atlético’s defenders running into each other in a 1-0 defeat at Sporting (below).

Barcelona
LLL Prediction - 1st
Final Position - 1st

Not a bad campaign overall for Barcelona. A second Champions League win in three years and a third Primera title in a row, the 53 goals of Leo Messi in all competitions and the 5-0 demolition of Real Madrid at the Camp Nou are the obvious highlights. But perhaps the alternate reasons to be cheerful was getting a full season out of Andrés Iniesta, and indeed all of the club’s World Cup winners, who are the engine room for both club and country.

This predicable fatigue certainly explains the fall in form towards the end of the campaign, but by that time the league title was done and dusted. It was only the fantastic fingertips of Iker Casillas in the second half of the Copa Del Rey final that stopped Pep Guardiola from leading his Dream Boys to another treble.

Highlight José Mourinho’s ‘bath’ - as the Spanish would say - in the Camp Nou. You'd probably call it a comprehensive battering... (below)

Lowlight Both Champions League semi-finals and Barcelona’s grasp of the darker arts of football.

Deportivo
LLL Prediction - 10th
Final Position - 18th

Never has LLL been happier to get a prediction wrong. The blog suspected the season would be another tedious plod around the other 19 grounds in la Primera for Deportivo and so it came to pass. But this time, Deportivo’s dullard defensive tactics weren’t enough and the club’s eight goalless draw turned out to be one to many - literally considering the Galician side went down by a single point.

Highlight Losing 2-0 to Valencia on the final day of the season to be relegated and put us all out of our misery...

Lowlight Atlético Madrid 2-0 Deportivo. A personal low point for LLL that saw Deportivo turn up to a freezing Vicente Calderón on a Saturday night with 10 defenders and concede within eight minutes to make it a very long match indeed.

Part Two: Levante’s Miracle and Málaga’s Near Disaster
Part Three: Madrid’s solid season and Racing’s AWOL owner
Part Four: Sorry Sevilla & Dastardly Zaragoza

Barca victory cause for celebration for all of Spain - even Real Madrid

Tim Stannard — Tue, 31 May 2011 08:30:00 GMT

While many will argue Barcelona’s masterclass against Manchester United on Saturday was the best Champions League-related performance of the season, La Liga Loca would suggest such praise is misplaced, as Marca blew them out of the water with an even more incredible display of creativity...

In a magic show to match anything mustered by the midfield of Pep’s Dream Boys, the newspaper has turned Barça’s victory into a planet-stomping victory for both Spain and, incredibly enough, Real Madrid.

Sunday’s editorial was certainly fulsome in its praise of Barcelona’s dismantling of the English champions, but still found plenty of room to praise the country’s other great sporting institutions. “The victory last night is also for Spanish football. In the first place because the four European Cups of Barcelona added to the nine of Real Madrid make us the country with the most European Cup titles,” chirped the paper, perhaps feeling the forces of Mordor at the Santiago Bernabeu breathing down its neck...

But this rare attempt at praising Barcelona was undermined somewhat by misery-pants Miguel Serrano boasting on the back page that the Catalan club are still “two titles away from Paco Gento and five from Madrid. Patience.” Barcelona fans may counter by explaning that Real Madrid have only won Europe’s top title three times since 1966, with the Catalan club managing the same number since 2006, making that particular taunt more than a little tired.

Not content with Sunday’s achievements, Marca stepped-up their Real Madrid brown-nosing on Monday by placing Florentino Pérez as No.7 in their top ten of the weekend - just one spot behind Leo Messi - for taking 15 seconds out of his Jorge Valdano-firing day to send a congratulatory text to Barça president Sandro Rosell following the latter's victory at Wembley.

"This one's for you, Real Madrid..."

“An extraordinary display of gentlemanly behaviour in congratulating Barcelona both publicly and privately for their Champions League conquest,” fawned Marca in a column that rather curiously stuck “controversial” cyclist Alberto Contador ahead of Pep Guardiola and Messi in their run-down of the weekend’s top achievers for winning some race or other.

AS also chose to view Barça’s victory from Real Madrid's perspective, albeit with a more critical slant. The paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño, remarked that “watching this Barcelona, it’s hard not to understand the state of anxiety Madrid live in and the restarted attempts to look for short cuts. Barça didn’t get here through short cuts but with an idea and perseverance.”

As expected, the Catalan press got their rocks off after Saturday's memorable match in North London. “The best Barça in history!” read Sport’s headline. Writing from Wembley, a clearly 'emotional' Josep María Casanovas described the scene as “a paradise of happiness, of joy, of Barça pride. The players have gone into ecstasy and the fans have gone crazy with joy and passion.”

Mundo Deportivo are just as full of élan but take a moment to recall the last few weeks of Madrid mud-slinging. “Yesterday the world of football told them to ‘shut it’. Barcelona are the best in the world. You have to salute them,” blasted Santi Nolla. It was a sentiment echoed by the shy and retiring, Shakira-smooching Gerard Piqué during Sunday’s celebrations, with the defender proclaiming that “we don’t do doping, nor do we dive or buy the referees. Barcelona only do one thing: play football.”

After a tumultuous season of bickering and b*tch-fights, Barcelona’s Champions League victory somehow seems to have given everyone in Spain something to celebrate - even Real Madrid. And that really is some achievement.

Catalan press claim 'clever old cat' Fergie's United 'scared' of Barca

Tim Stannard — Fri, 27 May 2011 11:07:00 GMT

As well as having to deal with carbon monoxide, choking fumes and the hot air generated by Boris Johnson, the poor, suffering people of London are now also having to cope with Barça’s gargantuan smug cloud, which has reached 'The Smoke' after a drifting three-day journey from southern Europe.

Londoners will now be suffering from the same symptoms that curse the Catalan capital on a daily basis - intense self satisfaction and moral superiority - as they go about their day.

The Qatar Foundation’s Dream Boys are in town to take on Manchester United in the Champions League final at Wembley - the scene of the 1992 Dream Team’s victory over Sampdoria - and for many in the Catalan capital the match is already won.

Friday’s cover of Sport proclaims (in giant letters, no less) that “They’re scared!” boasting that “Barça’s stars frighten Manchester!”

The analysis inside suggests that United are doomed, with Joan Batlle thumbing through his big book of football stereotypes before stating that the English champions’ primary weapons are “physical intensity, aerial power, set-pieces and counter-attacks," which he notes were 'not enough' when the two sides met in the 2009 final in Rome.

In fact, according to his colleague Josep María Casanovas, Barcelona need not even bother plodding out on the field, as the mental powers of the fans in the stands will be enough to defeat United. “The current Barça has the faith of a region, the strength of a social phenomenon and the unstoppable force of the movement of the masses.”

Across the city, Mundo Deportivo have turned down the confidence dial from ‘supremely’ to ‘fairly’. “Barça are a better team than Manchester, player by player and collectively. But one game can reduce the difference and Fergie is a clever old cat and will want to trigger a short circuit in the centre of the pitch," reasons Santi Nolla.

Unsurprisingly, Madrid papers Marca and AS don't lead quite so heavily with Saturday’s big match. In the former, you have to plough your way through stories about Karim Benzema, Kun Agüero and the fine mess that Atlético Madrid have gotten themselves into with their stars all wanting to jump ship before you find a mention.

The trifling matter of the Champions League is dealt with on page 14, with the analysis featuring a Tweeted photo of Gerard Piqué and Carles Puyol at Arsenal's training facility, where Barça have been training and by the look of it, up to no good. “Puyol and I [are] stealing a picture of Cesc,” giggles the former Manchester United centre back.

José Mourinho’s coup d’état - which ended with Jorge Valdano being fired by Florentino Pérez - may still be causing rumblings throughout the Madridista world, but tomorrow the Champions League final will surely take centre stage all over Spain.

A win for Barcelona will cause the smug levels to remain at dangerously high levels in Catalonia for years to come, leaving José Mourinho looking for something to kick. A defeat and....well, not that much will change. The opinion in the Barcelona press is that the Spain’s league champions don’t need another trophy to be the best team in the world. For many in Catalonia, that prize can never be taken away from them.

Six departures in post-season manager massacre

Tim Stannard — Wed, 25 May 2011 14:20:00 GMT

Spanish football club presidents would love to tie managers up. No, not with twine to a railway line, but on minute-by-minute contracts stuffed with “I’ve just grown so tired of seeing your stupid, ugly face every day” sacking clauses.

Instead la Liga’s paunchy bigwigs are forced to concoct deals for their coaches that tend to run from season to season with plenty more managerial fish in the sea should any minion fail to agree to their terms. This is why there has been a glut of dismissals and desertions in Spain since the season ended on Saturday.

Quique Sánchez Flores sped up the whole predictable process by announcing his own departure before Atlético Madrid even played their last game; the country’s significantly sexier answer to Phil Brown ended his eyeliner-wearing time at the Vicente Calderón with apparently only José Antonio Reyes on speaking terms with him. And that’s not good, considering the winger is barely comprehensible even on a good day.

Despite taking over a third of the way through the year and guiding Sevilla to fifth, Gregorio Manzano was informed on Monday that his coaching services were no longer required and that his contract would not be extended. “They didn’t give me an explanation as I didn’t ask for one,” shrugged Manzano. “I don’t feel abandoned, I know how football works,” he added, stopping short of blurting "Am I bovvered?"

Manzano: "That's not good enough? No? OK."

In a most peculiar move, Real Sociedad have decided to sack Martín Lasarte after two years in San Sebastian, a period when the Uruguayan coach took la Real back to La Primera and kept them there without spending a penny on transfers. Obviously a Champions League spot was the requirement – despite president Jokin Aperribay claiming last August that “we love the job he’s doing” while extending Lasarte’s contract to 2012.

(Sevilla and Real Sociedad are reporting to be cat-scrapping and hair-pulling in the street outside Roxy’s over the alluring Marcelo Biesla, screaming “I saw him first!”. Both clubs wish to sign the former Argentina and Chile coach before inevitably firing him at the end of next season.)

Deportivo ditched Miguel Angel Lotina – or perhaps it was the other way round – after the Lord of Doom led the Galician club to relegation through negative tactics and dispensing a general air of wrist-slashing despondency around the club.

But that wasn’t before Lotina went all with the third person before the press, grumbling that “Lotina hasn’t been relegated, but Deportivo has and we are a lot of people. This year it seems like I was the only one who lost.” Aside from blaming his footballers, it would appear, Lotina also hinted that there may have be stranger goings on in la Liga that conspired to send Depor down. “There were difficult [refereeing decisions] to understand and very strange results.” So nothing at all to do with Deportivo only scoring 31 goals all season then?

Lotina: "Oh, why bother?"

Roberto Olabe’s plucky eight-game spell at bottom-dwellers Almería is over, whilst Miroslav Djukic ends his all too short sojourn at Hércules blaming a lack of harmony and Royston Drenthe for the Alicante side’s relegation.

One manager who will (probably) be back in the new season is José Mourinho, who broke his post Champions League semi-final vow of silence to record a video message to Real Madrid supporters all full of cheer and goodwill to mankind. Not really, it was narky, sarky and more than a touch finger-pointing at Barcelona and UEFA by calling for football to return to its moral roots.

“I’m talking about fair play, respect for the rival and that a red card to racism should be deeds and not words,” opined Mourinho, overlooking Madrid's deliberate – according to UEFA – yellow cards during a Champions League clash with Ajax, plus the insults The Special One doled out to fellow managers Manuel Preciado and Manuel Pellegrini. LLL is sure that he'll be lovely to next season's new batch of managers.

Kun kicks off new end-of-season crisis at Atlético

Tim Stannard — Tue, 24 May 2011 14:43:00 GMT

For Atlético Madrid to enjoy one full day of post-season stability was a good effort all round, in retrospect. A stiff upper lip, brave little soldier, "here, have a lollipop" style 'good effort'.

True, the club were already beginning to hunt for a manager who was either insane, poor or self-deluded enough to take over from the departing Quique Sánchez Flores; and true, the capital city club’s 2011/12 season is now set to start at the end of the July, most probably in the backwaters of Belarus (or Stoke...), after a seventh place finish meant Atlético enter next season's Europa League at the third qualifying round, a tournament the they won just twelve months ago.

And of course, we mustn’t overlook the endless speculation surrounding the future the sporting director Jesús García Pitarch not to mention Diego “La Rubia” Forlán’s super sulk, the ongoing feuds between the club’s two owners, or the future of goalkeeper David De Gea.

However, this relative sea of tranquility suddenly got a little choppy at 18.40 on a sultry Monday evening, when Kun Agüero clambered onto his booster seat and sped out of the Vicente Calderón car park - which also doubles as the press mixed zone - having told his bosses that he would very much like to leave Atlético Madrid as soon as possible, despite signing a contract extension in February for two more years past 2012.

“I want to stay till 2014, but football is as it is and I could be here one, two or three years,” explained Kun earlier in the season, leaving out the words ‘or three months’ from the end of his sentence.

"Hug me! LOOOOOOOOOOVE ME!!!"

Alarm bells should have started ringing when the striker’s buy-out clause was reduced from €60 million to the more Madrid-friendly €45 million. From that moment, the clock was ticking on Kun’s Atlético career - the player even explained on his website that the contract was extended to ensure Atlético would recoup as much money as possible from his sale. “I told Atlético that I wanted to leave. I told them to study, without conditions, offers from other clubs.”

Having probed an infamously unreliable Atleti insider for a suggestion as to what the Argentine’s next move could be, LLL understands Real Madrid to be the Argentine's favourite destination, despite the day-to-day hassle of a cross city betrayal.

This is said to be at least partly down to the willingness of both teams to arrange a sticker album style swap deal, which would enable Atlético to avoid paying quite as big a chunk of the fee to the taxman and give Real Madrid the chance to offload the likes Pedro León and maybe even José Jedwood Callejón, who was only signed from Espanyol on Monday. Throw Esteban Granero, Sergio Canales, Ezequiel Garay into the mix and Atlético could have an instant squad expansion and their counterparts are able to make a bit of space in the dressing room for next season.

Of course, all this could be - and indeed probably is - complete tosh, but it sounds crazy enough to be true. After all, the departing Quique described Atlético as “like a plane in constant turbulence."

The only thing that’s completely clear is that Kun Agüero played his final official game for Atlético Madrid on Saturday night against Mallorca, during which he grabbed a rather brilliant hat-trick to take his La Liga tally for the season to 20 - his best ever Primera season on the goalscoring front - and 101 in his Atlético career.

The Argentine striker is looking for and deserves regular Champions League football, having put in five solid seasons at the Vicente Calderón. The manner of Kun’s departure may irk Atleti fans - especially if it ends with an arrival at the Santiago Bernabeu - but that shouldn’t tinge what has been a ripsnorting ride with Rojiblancos.

Good Day, Bad Day: Disaster for Depor and a record for Ronaldo

Tim Stannard — Mon, 23 May 2011 13:51:00 GMT

Good day

Barcelona

With little, bowl-headed Bojan wearing the captain’s armband for Barcelona as reward for a splendid A- in PE, LLL feared the worst for Pep’s Dream Boys at Málaga.

A defeat for Barça would have left a table reflecting the fact that Real Madrid had lost the league by a single point, something Marca would no doubt have dined-out on for the entire summer. Instead, the mini-Dream Boys came away from the south coast with a 3-1 victory to give Barça a four point advantage over Madrid after 38 games.

Unfortunately, that’s still not enough for the Catalan club to top Marca’s own referee-adjusted league table, which was unsurprisingly headed by Madrid after the paper took away points from UEFA’s favourite pets (allegedly).

Tomás Roncero, writing in AS, attempts a magnanimous congratulations to the Camp Nou club by indirectly informing FA president Angel Villar that he was "not going to remind you of the ten points the referees took from Madrid and the six they gave the champions. That’s the way the script was.”

Cristiano Ronaldo

It’s a hearty congratulations for Ronaldo who 'did a Ronaldinho' (that's picking up a hefty brace, to you...) in the 8-1 thrashing of relegated Almería to become Spain’s greatest goal scorer in a season with 40.

LLL says a big well done to the Portuguese superstar, you can only score against what’s in front of you, after all - but Alfredo di Stefano is in a less charitable mood. Writing in Monday’s Marca the Madrid legend said; “I’m left with the feeling that such publicity for a record has been searched for,” after a failure to win the league or reach the Champions League final.

Aitor Karanka won’t hear of such heresy by boasting of Madrid’s eight goals against Almería and 102 for the league season. “For a team that doesn’t play football and is defensive, that’s not bad,” snarked Madrid’s second coach in place of the still silent José Mourinho.

Interestingly, 102 is the same total that Manuel Pellegrini managed for Real Madrid before being sacked...

Roberto Soldado

Having already struggled to keep a straight face after scoring four goals at former club Getafe earlier this season, the Valencia forward had to repeat his glum, not celebrating face after scoring the 95th minute goal which sealed Deportivo's relegation from la Primera. Soldado had a strong first year at the Mestalla, scoring 18 goals, but still only managed just over half of the 32 scored by David Villa, the player he replaced.

Alvaro Negredo

The Sevilla’s strikers cracking brace against Espanyol leaves the moody marauder on 20 and topping the ranks as the best Spanish forward of the campaign, two ahead of Soldado, David Villa and Fernando Llorente, a figure which says rather a lot about the strength in depth of Spanish forwards these days.

Athletic Bilbao

Two goals in two minutes to defeat Racing Santander were enough to secure Athletic Bilbao a sixth-placed finish. Hooray!

Kun Agüero

The almost certainly departing Atlético man signed off his Rojiblanco career with 101 goals - the last three coming from a brilliant hat-trick against Mallorca in a 4-3 thriller. Unfortunately, victories for Athletic Bilbao and Sevilla still sees Atlético in seventh and facing a Europa League play-off at the end of July.

Osasuna

If Osasuna coach José Luis Mendilibar wasn’t Spanish, then he’d definitely be a gritty, bite-yer-knees Scottish manager - perfect, in fact, for gritty, bite-yer-knees Osasuna who managed four wins from their last five games to finish ninth in the table despite being in danger of relegation on the last day.

Gabi

Morally, Zaragoza deserved to go down for being big old ball-chucking, non transfer fee-paying cheats, but the fighting spirit of manager Javier Aguirre and two goals from Gabi were enough to keep Zaragoza up in the end.

Real Sociedad & Getafe

With Deportivo and Zaragoza both expected to win, the third team to be relegated this year was thought to be coming from this particular encounter. But with Deportivo and Mallorca looking in more danger of the drop than this Primera pair, the game stopped being a competitive one in the final third with a point just fine for both.

Mallorca

Relying on Deportivo not to score turned out to be a solid bet for Mallorca, who were only a flukey shot from Depor 'not-shot' Riki away from relegation on Saturday night, despite having not dipped below 13th place in la Primera since round four.

Bad Day

Espanyol

An eighth-placed finish in la Primera, but Espanyol fans were not happy at all during Saturday’s 3-2 home defeat to Sevilla. Here’s Paul from Barcelona who was sitting - whilst protesting - in the stands to tell us what happened...

“Well that’s that. Another season over and relegation avoided, in the end by six points. At the beginning of the year I would have taken that.

The match was played in a muted atmosphere due to a sit down protest against the constant sale of our best players. I know, in an all-seater stadium, right? The fans even cut back on the chanting to give us that Camp Nou vibe.

The match was basically Ivan de la Peña’s testimonial, more on that later. Two brilliant goals by Alvaro Negredo and a Kanouté tap-in were Sevilla’s only contribution. Odd, but true. Espanyol replied with an Osvaldo volley and a fab goal by Verdu from a great Osvaldo pass. He, Osvaldo, stayed on the pitch after the De La Peña tribute to wave to the crowd. I know goodbye when I see it.

Ok, Ivan de la Peña on his day was as good as Xavi, ask Xavi who he copied, but on a bad day he was awful. A humble guy who had a great talent but should have scored way more goals than he did. I wish him luck in the future. Much loved for his from the heart celebration against Barça when he scored two goals at the Camp Nou.

A season that promised so much finished as a damp squid. Next year will be tough as, as it stands, it’ll be Verdu and 10 others. Thanks to Tim for another great season and I wish all LLL and FourFourTwo.com readers (Especially Mike from TE) a great summer.”

Paul, Barcelona

Deportivo

LLL has been fairly meanie-headed to Deportivo all season due their frackin’ awful football stylings, so it wouldn’t be right to come across all concerned and caring following the club’s relegation. Deportivo finished third-from-bottom of the table, scored the fewest goals, played the worst football, had Riki in their ranks and approached matches delicately and defensively like someone trying to fish a contact lens out of a wasp’s nest. It’s tough titties all round.

Hércules

The Alicante side signed off a largely woeful campaign with a goalless draw against Sporting in front of just 7,500 fans with the union between club, players and supporters having been broken during a troubled year.

Almería

Signed off from Primera duty by shipping eight goals in a league game for the second time this season. Cheerio to them, then...

The obscenity tweeting, 'encouragement' rejecting Primera Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 20 May 2011 13:38:00 GMT

Saturday

Malaga (9th) v Barcelona (1st)

Remember Quincy Owusu-Abeyie? No? Had a good start to the season? Fast? Used to play for Arsenal? Oh. Ok. Well, that's not too surprising considering the winger's appearances were few and far between under Manuel Pellegrini when the former Real Madrid man took over as coach.

Unfortunately, Quincy doesn't appear to have taken too kindly to this and decided to do a bit of a vanishing act in April without explanation, disappearimg into Málaga's ether with the Tweet to supporters "I will never forget my Málaga fans and great team mates. I had a great time in Málaga. Vamossssss!!!"

It seems that not all the Málaga collective were so positive about Quincy's farewell message, though, and on Wednesday, the Dutch-Ghanian responded with the potty-mouthed missive, "to all you negative Málaga fans, I have a great life and a beautiful home. So whatever you say...I don't give a ****!"

LLL Prediction - no idea. Away win. Could be anything.

Real Madrid (2nd) v Almería (20th)

A Madrid old-timer in the form of Chendo got a short run out in the club's colour's on Wednesday night during a charity game in Murcia. Real Madrid were playing a friendly match against a Murcia XI to raise money for the victims of last week's earthquake in Lorca which claimed the lives of nine and injured 300 more.

Right back, Chendo, played for Madrid for 16 years and now serves as the club's match delegate got to pull on the captain's armband for ten minutes and feel the spirit of Sergio Ramos - and a touch of Ricardo Carvalho, whose shirt he wore - by putting in a crunching, but mistimed tackle that should have seen a yellow card.

"My body couldn't give anymore and I had to stop the rival players anyway I could," explained the former stopper.

LLL Prediction - Home win (and two for Ronaldo)

Hércules (19th) v Sporting (10th)

It's the last round of the season. Time for LLL to give one or two happy stories for a change rather than the conflict and craziness which has peppered the blog's pages for the past ten months. Earlier this year, Manuel Preciado and José Mourinho had a bit of an ugly spat over an accusation from the latter that the former's team wasn't trying against Barcelona at Camp Nou.

The rancour now appears to be well and truly over, after Preciado revealed that the maverick Madrid manager personally congratulated the Sporting players after April's victory for the Asturian side in the Santiago Bernabeu and that Mourinho also called to commiserate him on the death of his father on the night of the Copa del Rey final, something for which the Sporting boss revealed great gratitude on local radio.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (15th) v Villarreal (4th)

And so begins the relegation games, although Osasuna would have to be extremely unlucky to go down with a 2.5% chance of the drop, odds mainly boosted by Villarreal's players pretty much off on their holidays with fourth place secured.

Joan Capdevila certainly seems to be demob happy with the chirpy left back starting a transfer rumour on Twitter for a bit of a gag by announcing that goalkeeper, Diego López, had signed for Manchester United - something that doesn't sound completely outrageous to LLL's gossip-loving ears.

"It was a stag party joke," explained the Villarreal man, who was forced for 'fess up through further tweetage. "I hope I haven't bothered anyone. Diego is staying at Villarreal."

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (14th) v Getafe (16th)

Míchel the Manager has been in a positive mood throughout Getafe's relegation battle, and remains in chipper spirits ahead of Saturday's visit to San Sebastian.

"With all due respect to Real Sociedad, I believe we are going to win," chirped the Getafe boss. Míchel then went off on a bit of a tangent by talking about the hard work it takes to keep a club with a small budget afloat in la Primera. "Aren't you curious to see Guardiola or Mourinho at Getafe. How would they work? With what resources?"

LLL has an alternative question. How hard can it be to take over a Madrid reserve side containing Borja Valero, Esteban Granero, Javi García, Alvaro Negredo and Juan Mata and see them relegated to the third tier of Spanish football, as Míchel managed in 2006/07? That really does take some doing...

LLL Prediction - Home win (Getafe to go down. Sob)

Espanyol (8th) v Sevilla (5th)

Sometimes it seems that it is only when a player announces his retirement to the press that it dawns on him that it's all over. That's certainly the case with Espanyol's Ivan de la Peña, a truly wonderful footballer who now has to give up the game due to ongoing injuries that has seen him miss nearly the entire season.

In a tearful farewell ahead of the Sevilla match where he is set to see some minutes, the midfielder said that "my head says carry on but my body says enough."

"He was a misunderstood genius of football," writes Lluís Mascaró in Sport on his spell at Barcelona. He was a player that always wanted to give that last majestic pass, that Hollywood assist. When it went well. the Camp Nou would explode in admiration. When it went badly, the stadium exploded again, but this time in anger."

LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (12th) v Real Zaragoza (18th)

"Paying teams to win or lose is illegal now!" has been the mantra of the press and league president all week, with this particular game very much in mind. The supposition is that Levante would have a great deal of 'encouragement' from other sides in the relegation battle to give it their all against third-from-bottom Zaragoza.

Levante president Quico Catalan is most upset by the rumours surrounding the match telling Radio Marca that "there are people trying to damage the image of an institution that's more than 100 years old." Striker Felipe Caicedo is also not best pleased, "I wouldn't play if it was fixed. Do you know how much that would bother me?"

LLL Prediction - Away win

Deportivo (17th) v Valencia (3rd)

Valencia appear to be collecting goalkeepers with the confirmation of the very poorly kept secret that the excellent Almería stopper, Diego Alves, will be off to the Mestalla madhouse this summer to join César Sánchez, Vicente Guaíta, Miguel Moyá and Renan who are also on the club's books.

In charge of this gaggle of goalies will be Unai Emery who looks set to renew for another year at Valencia although club president, Manuel Llorente, hardly gave his manager a hearty slap on the back with the confession that "in the last 15 days we learned about the conditions of other coaches."

Sunday

Racing Santander (11th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

Strange goings on at both clubs. Eleven players for Racing still owed a total of €1.7m remain unpaid despite many, many promises from owner Alí Syed. And the Spanish sports papers report that Bilbao coach Joaquín Caparrós may be unwanted by some members of the current board, despite leading the Basque team into Europe, which was his mission at the beginning of the campaign.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Mallorca (13th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

Mallorca can save themselves this weekend with just a point against Atlético Madrid or if Zaragoza fail to win. The Balearic side can still survive if they lose and Deportivo or Getafe lose. Probably. Have a look for yourself. Either way, the club's relegation chances are pretty slim but it's only at midnight on Saturday that manager, Michael Laudrup, is going to assess the season.

"We'll have a look at the end," explained the Great Dane, "we can finish ninth which would be an incredible success or we could go down. The difference is four points. Saving yourself this season is more expensive than petrol."

LLL Prediction - Draw

Have Barça blown the Champions League with their UNICEF sell-out?

Tim Stannard — Thu, 19 May 2011 14:17:00 GMT

According to modern footballing wisdom, Barcelona’s success is built on the four pillars of Leo Messi’s goals, Xavi’s passing...and...er...Leo Messi’s goals and Xavi’s passing.

But on this particular occasion, as with those who claim it would be a shame to see Deportivo go down on Saturday, the perceived wisdom couldn’t be more wrong.

Barça’s blistering form over the past three years has been driven like a nuclear reactor in a Robin Reliant by the natural forces of smugness produced from displaying the name of UNICEF on the front of the club shirt - a goody-two-shoes gesture that had José Mourinho pondering naughtily if that alone hadn’t been enough to propel them into two Champions League finals in three years.

In the Madrid manager’s defence the humungous amount of energy generated by the gleaming aura of self-satisfaction gained from the UNICEF deal has not just powered the football club but also the electrical grids of the Camp Nou, the city of Barcelona, Cataluyna and some parts of France.

Unfortunately, this super-charged success has come to an end with Barcelona showing off their new shirts for the season to come - shirts which have UNICEF relegated to the bottom of the back of the jersey with the club’s new imperial overlords, The Qatar Foundation, on the front - a result of the €30 million a year deal between the two institutions' contribution to the Barca cause.

Barca's new kit is a little smarter than the last one...

Carlos Puyol’s perm-framed face atop the new shirt adorns the front cover of both Sport and Mundo Deportivo, but the reaction from both papers is fairly muted to the culture change with the latter merely commenting that the new Nike-driven design will probably sell well - a most Real Madrid of reactions, it must be said.

Sport’s Lluís Mascaró doesn’t like the new-look at all, and asks for the club to think of the children by opining that “we can’t talk to the kids about international solidarity anymore. We’ll have to tell them about petrodollars, and that’s not the same.”

Johan Vehils attempts but ultimately fails to get excited about UNICEF’s relegation to the players' bum-zones when writing that “the most important aspect about the shirt is not the design, nor the sponsor but how to feel it. In this way our players are the best in the world.”

Over in Capital City, both Marca and AS are still sulking over UEFA’s refusal to punish Sergio Busquets for the alleged racial abuse of Marcelo during the first leg of the El Clasico Champions League semi-final clash last month.

Marca do at least recognise why no action was taken, with Tuesday’s editorial noting that “there is no conclusive evidence that shows the alleged racist insult.” AS shrug that this decision simply follows on from the supposed philosophy of both the Spanish FA and UEFA which decrees that “if in doubt, go pro-Barça.”

Sport reacted to the response and the idea that Busquets was even investigated in the first place with hostile intent with Josep María Casanovas suggesting that the Forces of Mordor should be blanked for a while. “It’s difficult to maintain relations with a club who try to harm you again and again. Breaking all institutional relations would be the deserved gesture.”

LLL feels the Sport writer should instead be focussing his energies and concentration on what will happen in nine days time, when Barcelona walk out on to the Wembley pitch to face Manchester United with their most imperious power source - the neutron star that is the club’s moral superiority over everyone else - irreparably damaged...

Which team most deserves to be relegated from La Primera?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 17 May 2011 10:29:00 GMT

Not sure who to root against in this weekend's la Liga’s relegation rumble? Uncertain of which club is least deserving to stay in the top flight for another year of their miserable, pointless lives? Then use this handy guide to help you onto to the dark side!

Mallorca, 13th, 44 points

LLL has never come across such a bunch of whining, moaning, prissy little ‘be-atches’ - as Beyonce might say [we're sure she probably wouldn't - ed]. Last season, Mallorca finished a heroic fifth, gaining friends and admirers all over Spain for their pluck.

The institution then went into administration, thus preventing them from paying off their debts to fellow clubs such as Athletic Bilbao, who could really have done with the cash. This unfortunate event also forced UEFA to throw them out of the Europa League due to perfectly legitimate rules on financial (in)solvency which are sadly lacking in Spain.

Mallorca felt that such regulations shouldn’t apply to them and proceeded to grumble endlessly at the Spanish FA - who had nothing to do with the decision - along with UEFA, while the fans blamed Villarreal for taking their spot. The same supporters then accused Borja Valero of being a mercenary for leaving them over the summer, despite the fact the midfielder had performed wonderfully for them throughout the previous season - and actually belonged to West Brom.

LLL would love to see who Mallorca and the fans are going to blame should they go down this weekend.

Real Sociedad, 14th, 44 points

Real Sociedad may have players who celebrate goals by jumping into cars and have a passionate home crowd (despite having a running track in their stadium - an automatic 30 point penalty in LLL’s opinion), but what’s the point of all that if la Real barely bother to turn up for away games? The Basque club managed just 10 points from 19 Primera road-trips, one worse than the notoriously awful Hércules picked up all year.

Another good reason to cheer heartily for la Real’s relegation is to help LLL go about its day for at least 12 months not having to endlessly spell check names like Zurutuza, Illarramendi and Aguirretxe. And that’s not even mentioning how to pronounce the blinkin’ things.

Osasuna, 15th, 44 points

Too often, la Liga is accused of being a jazzed-up version of Scottish football. It certainly is when Osasuna are in town, a team of cloggers and hoofers who love nothing more than whacking the ball into the opposition box for every minute of every game and hoping Walter Pandiani knocks a defender unconscious without the referee noticing to pop in the odd goal.

Another good reason to see the back of Osasuna for at least a season is as punishment for their fans inventing the current trend for supporters/ball boys/players chucking balls onto the pitch during games when opposition teams are attacking - although LLL must admit it was quite amusing when it happened against Real Madrid.

Getafe, 16th, 43 points

There’s very little point to Getafe in the top flight now with “Madrid’s third team” being replaced by the real “Madrid’s third team” with the glorious return of Rayo Vallecano to la Primera next season. Not that the blog is fickle or anything.

Rayo Vallecano have everything that Getafe don’t - a proper stadium, an atmosphere at games, supporters and a significantly shorter traveling time for a lazy LLL...

Deportivo, 17th, 43 points

Where to start? How about with the number of minutes lost by LLL over the past few seasons watching Miguel Angel Lotina’s dismal brand of football?
How about freezing to death at the Vicente Calderón this season watching Deportivo losing 2-0 and still playing an eight man defence.

How about listening to the endless pleas from LLL followers on Twitter calling for an end to the pain of Deportivo games - “Deportivo La Cor...I get bored just typing their name never mind watching them...just to see if Lotina’s frown can get any deeper...for existing...watching Deportivo is like a death sentence.”

If things go the right way this weekend then the sporting world will be spared yet more hopeless attempts from Riki to bundle the ball into the back of the net - the novelty has worn off after five years - an ineptitude equalled when the Deportivo ‘striker’ attempts to dive.

Zaragoza, 18th, 43 points

Cheaters, cheaters, cheaters! Think LLL is being harsh?

Exhibit A - Failing to make payments to Getafe for Ikechuckwu Uche for his transfer from 2009 and then having to cheek to field the Nigerian striker in their recent clash.

Exhibit B - An unnamed but will-not-be-there-next-season Zaragoza midfielder rolling a ball onto the pitch from the substitute’s bench when Getafe were attacking in the aforementioned game.

Exhibit C - Zaragoza ball boys throwing balls onto the pitch when Almería were trying to attack

Good Day, Bad Day: Ronaldo’s record and Quique’s adios to Atlético

Tim Stannard — Mon, 16 May 2011 13:42:00 GMT

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo

The usually dominant evil half of LLL would be tickled pink to see Cristiano Ronaldo whacking shot after shot over and beyond Almería’s goal in vain this weekend, as the apparently “not obsessed by beating the record” forward tries to move off the 38 goal mark - the historical tally held by Zarra and Hugo Sánchez.

Then again, abacus-spurning Marca have decided that’s Ronaldo has broken this record already after his free-kick brace against Villarreal in el Madrigal, so the Madrid man might as well enjoy a moment of happiness with a goal or two and yet more intensely irritating ‘baby’ celebrations that should see a yellow card every time they are performed.

Valencia, Levante

Valencia claimed a point in the derby against Levante which secured third, and yet the locals still weren’t happy, with the match report from Marca telling of boos for the players for not trying hard enough and jeers for the departing Vicente for being a bit of a stroppy so-and-so of late.

Levante’s point was also a handy one as it leaves them mathematically free of relegation worries in the final round, with Getafe and Real Sociedad facing one another and set to take points off each other no matter the result.

Cani

The Villarreal midfielder got to push the linesman in the chest and get away with it - although that was probably because the aforementioned official was standing on Cani’s foot during an altercation at the time.

Freddie Kanouté

Two lovely headers from a lovely footballer who looked like he had played his final game at the Sánchez Pizjuán with steady Freddie contemplating a move to America in the summer. LLL reckons that Barcelona would make a fine, one season stop-off, for both the player and the Catalan club.

Athletic Bilbao, Málaga

A point apiece was enough to secure Athletic a European place and take away Málaga’s 0.004% chance of being relegated. The game also saw yet another soft penalty being given to the Basque team who have made a bit of habit of this over the past few seasons.

Quique Sánchez Flores

The Rojiblancos have been trying their level best to blow a European spot over the past few weeks, but even Atleti couldn’t manage to blow it on Sunday evening. Quique lead the players to a 2-1 win against Hércules in his final game at the Vicente Calderón and bid an emotional farewell to fans who stayed behind to call for the soon-to-be-ex Atlético boss to say a final adios.

“They made me feel happy here, and I appreciate it,” said the departing manager who has had quite enough of the insupportable interference that he had to endure at the Vicente Calderón despite delivering the Europa League trophy to his bungling bosses.

Sporting

If only it were possible to write in a sarcastic tone. Well, the blog’s going to try anyway...

Well done to Sporting for a much-deserved and fully unexpected victory against best buddies, Racing Santander - lead by the Sporting-supporting manager Marcelino, who confessed before the game that he would be happy to see both teams safe at the end of the season.

His less than outlandish eventually dream came true on Sunday, with Sporting running out 2-1 winners - although it looked in danger for a while thanks to a robust performance from the Racing’s stand-in goalkeeper Mario, who had perhaps not read the script...

Getafe

For sixty minutes Getafe’s clash with Osasuna was a game between an away team who seemed unwilling to score and a home side that were typically incapable of doing so. But then news of Zaragoza’s goal filtered through to the Getafe bench and two forward players were thrown on to help produce a 2-0 win. However, the Madrid club are still floating about on dangerous waters as are Osasuna after Sunday’s loss.

Deportivo

A very, very good time to play Barcelona and pick up what could be a hugely important point. And a very, very, good time for Deportivo to manage an eighth goalless draw this season. Deportivo may get lucky again next weekend with Valencia visiting Riazor with nothing to play for whatsoever.

Víctor Valdés

From what LLL could tell after a session of bleary-eyed highlight-studying on Monday morning, Víctor Valdés was the only Dream Boy to function as per manufacturer’s specifications at the Camp Nou, having made two good stops from what appeared to be Deportivo’s only two chances.

Zaragoza

Hell’s bells, Zaragoza were a cricket’s crotch away from being three points adrift in the relegation zone, after all the affairs of Sunday night. Javier Aguirre’s men were 1-0 up after a superbly-struck effort from the superbly-named Ponzio but Espanyol’s Alvaro contrived to hit a header from one yard across the face of goal - where it was missed again - instead of knocking it into an open goal with ten minutes left. “I don’t understand how it wasn’t a goal,” admitted a relieved Zaragoza coach.

Almería

Four points in the last two home games for the relegated club with a draw against Villarreal and now a win over Mallorca but a combined total of just 10,000 fans to see it.

Bad Day

Diego Forlán

The Uruguayan suffered yet more humiliation this weekend, after being dropped from the Atlético squad on the morning of the Hércules game after a week of handbags and huffing with Quique Sánchez Flores.

Espanyol

The 1-1 draw for Zaragoza and victories for Sevilla and Atlético Madrid sees Espanyol’s attempts to cling onto a European place after being in the top spots for 25 rounds this season end in failure.

“The season was a good one overall, but now there’s only disappointment,” admitted Mauricio Pochettino.

Mallorca

Just one win in the last eight leaves Mallorca dragging themselves desperately towards the finish line like Maniche after a 200m dash. Sunday’s somewhat surprising 3-1 defeat by Almería sees Mallorca probably needing a point against Atlético next week to avoid what would still be an unlikely drop even if they were to lose. Or something like that...

Real Sociedad

A ninth consecutive away defeat in the league for Real Sociedad sees the Basque team needing at least a point against Getafe to guarantee avoiding slipping straight back to la Segunda. Prepare for much talk of ‘finals’ for the San Sebastian club, this week.

The nose-breaking, exit-tampering, Forlán-feuding weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 13 May 2011 10:22:00 GMT

Barca may have already sealed the title, but that doesn't mean there's not still plenty to be decided in La Liga. Tim Stannard gets the crystal ball out, again...

SUNDAY

Almería (20th) v Mallorca (11th)
As the first team relegated from la Primera this year, Almería and the 5,000 fans who turned up for the midweek goalless draw against Villarreal were already finding life pretty gloomy. But the outlook could get considerably murkier next season, given there’s an unfortunate tradition for relegated teams to find life even tougher in la Segunda, with more than a few ultimately slipping into the third tier of Spanish football - a very, very, very bad place to end up.
“Tenerife are in trouble now and there was Compostela a few years ago,” warned Almería president Alfonso García. “There are some teams that disappear if they go down, but not us. We’re going to have a good side.”
LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (4th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
With nine days left of the current campaign - well, for Real Madrid anyway - both papers that feed off the club like journalistic pilot fish are in full, rampant transfer speculation mode. Marca’s front page on Friday suggests that Kaká is a target for both Milan and Chelsea, with Juventus craving Lassana Diarra, Ezequiel Garay and Karim Benzema. AS are musing that Benfica fullback Fabio Coentrao could be joining over the summer for a whopping €30 million.
Meanwhile, Madrid’s penultimate match is set to see Cristiano Ronaldo in full head-down-and-blast-the-ball-as-hard-as-possible mode, with the Portuguese pouter two goals short of the all time league record of 38 strikes in a season. Those in the stands will be hoping the wide-necked wonder hits the target as often as possible, given one poor fan got his nose broken by a hefty clearance from the record chasing Ronaldo on Tuesday evening.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Getafe (17th) v Osasuna (14th)
This crucial clash at the Coliseum is the match being honoured by LLL’s attentions on Sunday, when all matches kick off at the same time. This obviously means you should expect Monday’s review of the weekend’s action to be sketchier and even more made-up than normal.
LLL suspects that Zaragoza will win their home game at Espanyol, so Getafe will have to pull something out of the bag against Osasuna. As if the awful performance in the 4-0 loss to Real Madrid on Tuesday wasn't bad enough, Getafe had even more bad news during the week when it was reported that their captain and leading scorer Manu del Moral is set to leave for Sevilla for €4.5 million over the summer, despite president Angel Torres claiming that the new-fangled 'Team Dubai' version of the side would not be a selling club any more.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (6th) v Real Sociedad (13th)
At 2-1 up with two minutes left of normal time, Sevilla were looking particularly comfy at Osasuna on Wednesday. But it was at that point that the defence fell to pieces and the home side came back to grab a mad-as-Marchena 3-2 victory and continue a woeful week for Sevilla that saw the side leaking nine goals in two matches.
One Sevilla player who at least partly enjoyed the game despite the eventual defeat was defender Ivica Dragutinovic, who played his first minutes of the season following a prolonged absence through injury. “On one hand I’m happy to be playing again after a year, but sad because we dropped three important points. The team are a bit down,” admitted the Serbian, who played the final eight minutes of normal time.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (18th) v Espanyol (8th)
This is a monster of a clash that pitches a home team needing a win to avoid relegation against visitors needing a victory to keep alive their hopes of a Europa League spot, which they can then moan about for much of the next campaign.
Zaragoza’s form has plummeted since the rather unexpected win against Real Madrid, with the Aragonese side suffering two defeats, suggesting that the players thought it was a case of 'job done' after the Bernabeu victory. This leaves them in the perilous situation of being doomed should they lose, Getafe win and Deportivo draw. However, the coach still believes the team can stay up. “I believe we can stay up,” announced Javier Aguirre, “We can’t throw in the towel.”
What will almost certainly be thrown-in on Sunday is footballs, with Zaragoza having a recent history of substitutes and ball boys lobbing them onto the pitch at certain moments to disrupt the attacks of the opposition in La Romareda.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Levante (12th)
LLL’s constant claims that Roberto Soldado is not much cop and, frankly, a lucky striker are looking weaker by the day, with the Valencia forward now on 17 goals for the season, with two in the last two games. However, the striker does still have his knockers on match days, as it were, with Canal Plus picking up on this spat Soldado had with a Valencia supporter who was berating the player for being a bit of a lazy bum during last Saturday’s victory over Real Sociedad.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Deportivo (16th)
Despite winning the league title for a third season running, the week wasn’t entirely a good one for Barcelona. UEFA have confirmed they will be opening disciplinary proceedings in response to accusations that Sergio Busquets racially abused Real Madrid's Marcelo during the Champions League semi-final clash at the Santiago Bernabeu on April 27.
But at least the midfielder will still be on this mortal coil to face the charges, which looked like possibly not being the case during the team’s return flight from Levante, when the pilot had to ask the boisterously celebrating players not to mess with the emergency exits shortly before take-off.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Málaga (10th)
Málaga’s arrival on 45 points - which technically doesn’t quite guarantee survival - cost the club’s owners €3 million in bonuses according to Sport, with €150,000 being doled-out to each player as reward for having avoided the drop.
It seems there could be more expensive splurging to come, with Málaga’s sporting director José Carlos Pérez boasting that “the budget for next year is very important, around €50m in signings to reinforce the team with players of the highest level.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (15th) v Racing Santander (9th)
The once safe Sporting were dragged back into the relegation mess after taking just two points from a nine game period in which most of their relegation rivals decided that winning matches may actually not be too bad an idea.
However, LLL suspects that this match might be a home win and 46 points for Sporting with the very safe Racing visiting and their coach, Marcelino, revealing that “I’m a member of Sporting and Racing. I say everything with this. I hope both stay up now.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (7th) v Hércules (19th)
A nice bit of in-fighting to end Atlético Madrid’s season seems par for the course, with the feud between Diego Forlán and Quique Sánchez Flores reportedly coming to a head on Tuesday night after post-match comments made by the Rojiblanco boss on Forlán’s performance that the touchy striker evidently failed to take in his stride.
AS reported big rows both after the game and on Wednesday during a tense pre-training dressing room meeting.
“After I invited Forlán to have his say, he spoke for a bit. Then I spoke again and at the end I let the players speak. They said nothing, so we went out and trained,” claimed Quique on Thursday saying it was all much ado about nothing.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Ronaldo closes in on goalscoring record as Racing save themselves

Tim Stannard — Wed, 11 May 2011 10:45:00 GMT

In Wednesday’s competition to see who can point out that Barça can win the title in a matter of hours in the most dramatic way possible, it somehow felt as if the heart of the Madrid press simply wasn’t in it.

Both Marca and AS have stuck the tiniest note informing readers of the situation below big, shiny pictures of Cristiano Ronaldo’s big, shiny face. “Pep is a point away from a third consecutive title,” mope Marca, below a headline detailing Atlético’s stumbling, bumbling attempts to qualify for Europe.

In the Catalan capital the smug levels are again at an EU standard-shattering high, with Sport predicting that “Today, we will be Champions!” with the paper fully expecting Pep’s Dream Boys to pick up the point needed at Levante to kick sand in Real Madrid’s face for yet another year.

Real Madrid’s 4-0 win over a truly hopeless Getafe on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning (to hell with these 10pm kick offs!) sees Barcelona actually having to get out of their comfy chairs and win the league title for themselves at Levante. But these trifling matters are of no concern in the Spanish capital at the moment, as Cristiano Ronaldo’s hat-trick has made the Madrid man the favourite to finish the season as top league scorer. The Portuguese poacher has now popped in 36 goals in la Primera, putting him just two behind the record strike-rates of Hugo Sánchez (1989-90) and Zarra (1950-51).

Ten strikes in the last two matches for Madrid and Ronaldo’s remarkable streak of seven in those clashes has certainly put wood in Tomás Roncero’s pencil, with the AS man willing to swap actually being Champions for the infinitely better concept that “no-one can dispute that Madrid have the numbers of Champions.”

But all this is of no real concern to LLL - the relegation battle, which Getafe are very much part of after that depressing loss, is far more compelling. In a cheeky chat with the blog after the game the Coliseum midfielder, Derek Boateng, said that his team were going for a point in the Santiago Bernabeu, but that the plan never really came together and that “we’ll be back in training to correct the mistakes.” That could take some time.

Deportivo got the win they needed to slightly dig themselves out of trouble with a 2-1 victory at home over Athletic Bilbao after Xabi Castillo diverted a Juan Carlos Valerón cross into the defender’s own net with twenty minutes left.

The biggest winner of the night was Racing Santander, who moved themselves completely out of relegation danger with a 2-1 win over Atlético Madrid, a side who fulfilled the role of losers to perfection. “It’s incredible, it’s as if we don’t want to qualify for Europe,” confessed a bewildered José Antonio Reyes who was Kun Agüero’s partner-in-crime in Santander, with Diego Forlán only used as a second half substitute.

“Forlán had 35 minutes, 40 with injury time and you all saw him,” said Quique Sánchez Flores after the game to the press. “You’re the ones who have to be critics and judge the players, not me,” announced the Atlético boss in a major redefinition of his job requirements.

Málaga are within a janitor’s jam sandwich of staying up with a fifth successive win - this time over Sporting - and yet another goal for Julio Baptista to put the southern side on 45 points.

The second day of the midweek round of course sees the small matter of Barcelona potentially winning the title at Levante. But there is a more curious fixture kicking off at the same time, with Real Sociedad hosting Zaragoza. The visitors to San Sebastian are the latest team to be sitting uncomfortably in la Primera’s third-from-bottom spot after last weekend’s home defeat to Osasuna, whilst la Real are on 41 points and firmly in the ‘one more win will do it’ camp.

So of course, la Real midfielder Xabi Prieto is telling anybody who'll listen that the game is a ‘final’ - although the Basque team would have two more matches to get out of trouble, should they lose - with the club captain promising helpfully that his team “will be going for the win from the first minute”. Which is always good to know.

Relegated Almería host likely Champions League qualifiers Villarreal, while Hércules will be sent down to la Segunda if they don’t beat Mallorca, who themselves are looking for a point or two to ensure safety.

Valencia travel to Espanyol who are hoping to take advantage of Tuesday’s trips by Athletic Bilbao and Atlético Madrid to catch up with the European places, and it’s the same story for Sevilla who are up at Osasuna, a team also involved in the footballing fisticuffs that is the relegation battle.

Deportivo finally worth watching as Ronaldo prepares to shoot on sight

Tim Stannard — Tue, 10 May 2011 12:56:00 GMT

The titters are only just dying down around Spain after the double teaming by Marca and AS on Monday which saw both papers claiming that the Pichichi top goalscorer prize was the only contest that really counted this season - aside from the Copa del Rey, of course.

The curious campaign certainly raised a chuckle in Catalonia and particularly in the offices of Mundo Deportivo, where Josep María Casanovas opined that “when it comes to the Ballon d’Or, Messi’s titles will be worth twice as much as the goals of Ronaldo.”

What the Madridista press were desperately trying to do was avoid the thorny topic of Barcelona being hours away from winning a third league title in a row, and the second under the presidential reign of Florentino Pérez II.

Both Capital City papers managed to dodge the Barça bullet again on Tuesday, with Madrid announcing the signing of Turkish midfielder Nuri Sahin from Borussia Dortmund the day before. “Mourinho believes that the team needs other virtues as well as its stars,” says Marca’s editorial in a nod of approval and an tacit admission that the paper had never heard of the 22-year-old, much like everybody else.

The harsh reality is that if Real Madrid fail to beat Getafe in a 22:00 kick-off on Tuesday night, then Barcelona will be league champions no matter what happens in the Pep’s Dream Boys' clash with Levante on Wednesday. The other certainty is that Barcelona city centre is likely to be destroyed by hoodlums as has happened on at least ten occasions over the last three years by LLL’s inaccurate reckonings.

These wise guys won't be celebrating if Ronaldo finishes top scorer...

Tuesday’s Santiago Bernabeu clash looks a dead cert home win for Madrid - despite the fact that Ronaldo is expected to be shooting on sight all evening - but the same was said about the recent defeat to Zaragoza. What’s more, José Mourinho already appears to be taking the match a little less seriously than usual by resting Iker Casillas for the game and including Pedro León in the squad. If Karim Benzema trots out onto the field then it will surely be Getafe’s lucky night, something that many of the crowd won’t mind at all claims Míchel the Manager.

“I know that there are a lot of Madridistas that want Getafe to win,” joked the soon-to-be-fired Getafe boss.

Atlético Madrid’s European charge was going far too well of late, which is why the Rojiblancos opted to blow Saturday’s match against Málaga with a 3-0 home defeat. Quique’s Crumblers have the chance to foul up all over again with a midweek trip to Racing, who are looking for one win to ensure that their Primera passport is renewed for another year.

Although forward Diego Costa is suspended for the encounter in Santander, that doesn’t necessarily mean Diego Forlán is set to be restored to the starting line-up, at least according to the little hints from Quique Sánchez Flores, who noted that “there are a couple of players who can partner Kun.”

Málaga are another team that could well see themselves safe with a win over Sporting, but the whopper of a game on Tuesday evening is Deportivo’s clash against a visiting Athletic Bilbao.

The normally down-in-the-dumps Deportivo boss, Miguel Angel Lotina, is even more emotional this week after what he feels was an incorrect injury time penalty call that cost his side two points against Sporting. The manager of the the third-from-bottom side had a prod and a verbal poke at the weekend’s referee and sarcastically made a gesture for the Sporting fans to applaud the man-in-the-middle as he stropped off the pitch.

“I don’t regret anything, the journey, the line-up, the changes, what I said...I don’t regret a word,” blustered Lotina, who is still awaiting a disciplinary decision on whether he can sit on the Deportivo bench on Tuesday night. Deportivo goalkeeper, Dani Aranzubía, was less thrusting and predicted gloomily that “if we don’t beat Athletic then everything’s lost.”

The big challenge that Deportivo face in La Riazor, aside from having to rely on Riki for goals, is that Athletic have an awful lot to play for with a European spot looking a strong possibility.

Although Madrid is set to be the centre of attention, Deportivo are the team to watch this midweek - something LLL is writing for the first time in the its 77 year history.

Good Day, Bad Day: Disaster for Depor but ecstasy for Osasuna

Tim Stannard — Mon, 09 May 2011 14:08:00 GMT

Good Day

Andrés Iniesta

A shimmy and shammy as purty as a Tennessee beauty queen saw Iniesta glide through a sluggish Espanyol defence to set Barcelona on their way in what was, considering the bust-ups of recent years, a somewhat boring Catalan derby. Barcelona just need a single point against Levante on Wednesday to win the title, providing Real Madrid dodge their local civic duty and beat Getafe the day before.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Four goals against Sevilla means that although the Portuguese poser may not be picking up either the Champions League or Primera trophies this season, he could be winning the one that really counts to the Madridista press right about now - the Pichichi - with Ronaldo holding a two goal lead over Leo Messi, or three if you are a Marca reader.

Valencia

Comfortable is the best word to describe Valencia’s 3-0 win over Real Sociedad, a victory that guarantees the Mestalla men a shot at the Champions League next season. However, this good news hasn’t prevented the normal Valencia feuding and fighting, with AS reporting some training ground scuffles on Sunday.

Athletic Bilbao

Jokin Caparrós and his team of seven-foot tumblers and hoofers nearly blew their chances of victory on Saturday. Athletic were 3-0 up with half an hour to go before two efforts from Levante made it a very nervous end to the game.

Levante were a touch unhappy at the home side’s second goal when the weak and spindly Fernando Llorente went down like three tons of bricks to win a successfully converted penalty. “Caparrós has spent the whole season complaining that they don’t give enough penalties to Llorente, he’s got one now,” moaned Levante boss, Luis García, after the game.

Giovani dos Santos

Another contender for the winter signing of the season along side Ivan Rakitic and Julio Baptista. The on-loan Spurs man appears to have got his career back on track and scored two goals in a huge win for Racing against Hércules to make it five since joining at the end of January.

Julio Baptista

And it’s hello once again to the Good Day section for the aforementioned Brazilian Beast, who bagged the second of Málaga’s goals in the 3-0 win over Atlético to make it four wins in a row for Manuel Pellegrini’s men and six goals in that spell from Málaga’s miracle.

Osasuna

Perhaps the biggest winners of all. Hanging on at half-time 1-0 down to Zaragoza after a Nelson-assisted goal, Osasuna could have crumbled. But instead, the Navarran side fought back in the second half to win 3-1 and really turn the relegation battle on its head in the final three games.

Getafe

The first of the two games that Getafe have targeted to stay up was Almería and the victory was secured in just four minutes with Adrián Colunga scoring the first of Getafe’s two goals. The next big ‘un for the Coliseum club is Sunday’s home clash with Osasuna. It’s going to be fruity. There may even be fans there.

Bad Day

Sevilla

A shambles.

Atlético Madrid

Nobody told the Atlético defence about the whole “stick the ball on Rondon and Baptista’s head” big-men-up-front strategy that Málaga have so carefully been deploying the past month, it would appear. Actually, they probably did, but the back four were two hapless to do anything about it.

The first two goals of the the Rojiblancos' 3-0 defeat at the Vicente Calderón on Saturday evening were carbon copies and wholly avoidable grumbled Quique Sánchez Flores after the game.

Diego Costa summed up a poor night in the Spanish capital for Atlético by admitting that “we were at 20% of our level and I don’t know why.” Fortunately for the Rojiblancos, the damage done in the defeat was limited due to losses for Sevilla and Espanyol which leaves Atlético with a four point lead in seventh over the Péricos in the chase for a European spot.

Espanyol

It was a day of adventure for Paul from Barcelona, who left the comforts of Cornella to watch his team in the confines of the Camp Nou.

“Well, a day of the status quo for all concerned I think. Barça decided to take away Espanyol’s ticket allocation on Friday after fears of bad behaviour and people letting off flares. People in glass houses etc was the Espanyol response.

So your correspondent called in a favour and managed to get a ticket from someone he knows who works for the evil empire.

Two defensive howlers from Espanyol gave Barça victory. The first, Galan (yes, him again) gave the ball to Iniesta (m.o.m) who did well to score, then terrible marking allowed Pique, who did foul an Espanyol player, a free header to make it 2-0. And that dear readers was about it to be honest.

Espanyol had a couple of chances from Osvaldo who with a bit of support might have nicked a goal back. Barça dominated, Villa looked rubbish, Dani Alves play acted and Messi didn’t look that bothered about scoring but preferred to kick Jordi Amat’s ankles.

Surprisingly the ref didn’t give any dodgy decisions Barça’s way but did give them everything else. Best team won, Espanyol defended quite well but with five first teamers out the result was never really in doubt. Barça will need to play a lot better to beat Man Utd.

Good to see Abidal back, even I applauded.”

Paul, Barcelona

Levante, Sporting, Mallorca

All three teams failed to pick up three points over the weekend and a freakish set of results elsewhere means that the tally of 43 that the trio currently have may not be enough to stave off the drop, with the relegation zone just four points away with nine still to play for. Levante and Sporting’s goalless draw, time-wasting, kick-about from last weekend is not looking so clever now.

Mallorca, Villarreal

So much for the crazy showing games at midday on a Sunday for the Asian market scheme. La Liga’s reputation for sexy, zesty football will take decades to rebuild after the weekend’s snore-inducing, bore-fest between these two teams who are very much in the naughty corner.

Zaragoza

The fantastic work from the victory in the Santiago Bernabeu blown to smithereens against Osasuna with a 3-2 home defeat.

Deportivo

While the evil half of LLL would love to see Deportivo relegated simply because being forced to watch them inspires suicidal thoughts, the good half thinks it might be a shame to see the former golden Galician side go down after 20 years in the top flight. Besides, LLL wouldn’t have any gags left, although Betis are set to return to la Primera which could help cover the potential deficit...

Miguel Angel Lotina is most unhappy - as ever - at the two penalties awarded against his team in a 2-2 draw with Sporting complaining that he was “fed up and the players in the dressing room are crying.” Lotina was right with the first call with the ball striking Laure’s back and not his arm as the referee thought. But the second penalty with the game in injury time with Deportivo 2-1 up was correct when David Barral was brought down.

Deportivo are now in the relegation places and facing Athletic Bilbao, Barcelona and Valencia in their final three games with two of the those teams with potential points to play for in the run-in.

Hércules

A home defeat to Racing sees Hércules hanging on to their top flight status by their finger nails. With a bit of luck, Mallorca will stamp on them on Wednesday evening to send the Alicante side back to la Segunda.

Almería

Despite being supported by Satan’s representative on earth, David Bisbal, LLL has never really had anything against Almería. The southern side play fun, counter-attacking, speedy football and have a couple of decent players knocking about. What Almería didn’t have though was fighting spirit with the club losing their last seven games to become the first team relegated this season.

The Bad Acting, Ball Girl Debuting Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 06 May 2011 12:58:00 GMT

SATURDAY
Getafe (18th) v Almería (20th)
Getafe president Angel Torres appears to have linked his club’s one win since February – the 1-0 win over Sevilla three weeks ago – to the fact that the stadium was over half full for once, after some 3,000 free tickets were handed out to kiddies in Getafe’s youth academy. As LLL was present in the Coliseum to witness the freak event of a Getafe win, the blog can report that the hapless side couldn’t help but beat a truly dreadful Sevilla no matter how many souls turned up for the game.

Torres is repeating the trick by inviting the youngsters and their families to Saturday’s must-win-or-they’re-truly-up-the-duff match against Almería, who could be relegated should they lose.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Real Sociedad (12th)
A victory over Barcelona last week, twelfth spot and needing just a couple of points for probable safety may not be enough for la Real coach Martin Lasarte to keep his job at the end of the season, claim AS.

Despite the fact that the Uruguayan manager took la Real up to la Primera with a team largely plucked from the youth academy, and has kept the Basques out of the relegation zone all season, the club’s bigwigs may punish Lasarte with the sack after a run of seven games without a win through February and March.

The same may happen to Unai Emery, who is out of contract at the end of the season but is being forced to wait and see if his side end up third or fourth to see if he gets to keep his job for another year. Come to think of it, knowing day-to-day life at the Mestalla madhouse, that threat might serve as encouragement for Emery to leave Valencia in fourth.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Levante (9th)
It’s not just Levante fans who are loving goal-machine extraordinaire Felipe Caicedo, but it’s the good people of the striker’s native Ecuador too – fun-loving, musical folk who have recorded a song dedicated to the on-loan Manchester City man. Oh yes.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (10th) v Deportivo (17th)
Like Levante, Sporting don’t have a great deal to play for at the moment, which perhaps explains why manager Manuel Preciado decided to dedicate his time to terrible acting for a terrible song with this performance in a terrible music video.
LLL Prediction - Away win (that’s still somehow a goalless draw)

Hércules (19th) v Racing Santander (13th)
Air traffic control problems, political unrest, a birthday party, a trip to Disneyland – just four of the excuses offered up by the increasingly desperate Racing president Francisco Pernía to explain the absence of AWOL owner Ali Syed for the team’s last two home games.

However, the "owner" tag may not be valid for much longer, with Ali Syed having reportedly missed the second payment due to the local council and the Montalvo family, from whom the Indian business ‘bought’ the club at the beginning of the year. Eight million is still owed and just €450,000 has been paid, reports Marca, who claim that the Montalvo clan are set to begin studying how to get the club back from the currently hard-to-find owner.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Málaga (14th)
Diego Forlán’s days are numbered at Atlético, it would appear. Although the unhappy Uruguayan should have been flogged last summer at the peak of his blondie-haired powers, Forlán was kept but is now nothing more than a Kaká-style rapidly depreciating bench warmer who has been left out of Atlético’s starting line-up for the past five games.

“It’s not been easy for him or me,” admitted Quique Sánchez Flores last week on a player who has been linked with a move to Besiktas over the summer to help keep Guti company while he’s busy flogging his wares.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
Will Sevilla’s crack, elite squad of young men be able to foil and confound Real Madrid’s desperate attempts to prevent Barcelona from winning the title this weekend with a victory? The answer is a resounding ‘no’.

That’s because the club’s ball boys have been removed from duties after apparently taking their own initiative through no instruction from their bosses whatsoever to lob extra balls onto the pitch a couple of weeks ago to stop any chance of a Villarreal comeback in a 3-2 win for Sevilla.

Sevilla’s president José María Del Nido has admitted that naughtiness was afoot and has promised that such scenes won’t be repeated – by using ball girls for Saturday’s clash. “We want the change to be clear and we choose the feminine option,” revealed Del Nido.

If the club are looking for more girls with basic athletic abilities, then LLL can recommend Fernando Gago to help out, as the midfielder is at an injured loose end these days.
LLL Prediction - Away win

SUNDAY
Mallorca (11th) v Villarreal (4th)
After former Mallorca boss Gregorio Manzano complained that the club’s fans were loathe to watch the team’s games thanks to the weather being too hot or too cold or the priority of paella keeping them from the stadium, the Balearic side has another challenge on its hands – getting the locals up before midday, the time of Sunday’s kick-off against Villarreal.

In an experiment to see what the response from the Asian TV market is, the match that mighty normally have been played on the Monday night was moved. To tempt Mallorca fans out of bed – or redirect those still not home from Saturday night – the club’s bosses have put on sale 3,000 tickets between three and five euros, available for purchase by existing season ticket holders.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Barcelona (1st) v Espanyol (8th)
Espanyol’s José Callejón to Real Madrid? For €5m? Have the forces of Mordor suddenly become the new Getafe?
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (15th) v Osasuna (16th)
Two teams who are far from safe this season but two teams – along with the rest of la Primera – who have been sent reminders from the Spanish League that, ahem, 'encouraging' other sides to produce pre-destined results is now an illegal act in Spain after the law was changed in December.

Marca for one is glad of the update to the criminal code and speaks hopefully of the end of times when “the final rounds of la Liga arrive, the intermediary appears, mysterious phone calls from dressing room to dressing room...”

“Now that the league is ending, football should be an example for all,” writes Friday’s editorial which calls for prison for anyone caught red-handed involved in such skullduggery.
LLL Prediction - Home win

“Privileged” footie fans say goodbye to Clásico craze

Tim Stannard — Wed, 04 May 2011 16:41:00 GMT

Like Pep Guardiola, LLL is taking a lie down, a deep breath and thanking our all-powerful lizard leaders that the fiesta of four Clásicos is over. It’s been nearly three weeks of squabbles and suspensions, fouls and fakes, conspiracies and codswallop, with 11 minutes of semi-decent football over the four games thrown in as an extra Brucie bonus.

After the 1-1 draw that sends Barcelona through to the Champions League final, the scores on the doors are one win for Barcelona, one for Real Madrid, a couple of one-all draws and a group of international team-mates who for the foreseeable future may only be speaking to each other by passing notes or through third parties.

HOW IT HAPPENED How Tim and FFT covered it live

Those culés picking their way through the debris and damage in the downtown Catalan capital after an evening of rioting from Barça fans to buy their morning newspaper will have seen Mundo Deportivo answering José Mourinho’s question of why Barcelona seem to get all the breaks in football: “because Barça are better.”

“If [Madrid] are sincere, then they will admit that the team who won was the one that played more and played better,” noted Fernando Polo.

Over at Sport, Lluís Mascaró was claiming that the semi-final clash was the “final battle between good and evil” (although it's worth noting that Mascaró wrote the same about the Copa del Rey final but soon backtracked on his prediction once Barcelona had lost).

“It was football against manipulation, excellence against lies, Guardiola against Mourinho, ‘la cantera’ against millions, humility against pride, skill against physicality, control against aggression,” continued Mascaró for much of Wednesday’s edition before having to put down his thesaurus with a big self-satisfied, Barcelona-fan sigh of smugness.

The Madridista media are largely blaming the referee for their team’s inability to overturn a 2-0 deficit in the second leg that was the fault of the referee in the first game. In doing so they are collectively crying wolf more times than A-ha ever managed.

Tuesday’s latest UEFA-inspired slur against the good Madrid name was the Gonzalo Higuaín strike ruled out for a supposed foul on Javier Mascherano by Cristiano Ronaldo, who was in turn nudged by Gerard Piqué. “It’s OK Mou, it’s nothing personal, just business,” read the front page of AS with the paper claiming that the decision “looked like an accident”.

Inside the AS editor admits that “of course Barça are good, very good. A good finalist... but I don’t like the way Madrid have been driven off the road. There hasn’t been equal competition.

The theory from AS is that UEFA want Barcelona in the final along with Manchester United because Michel Platini once criticised Madrid’s rampant spending as not being a great way of doing business. “UEFA decided some time ago that Barça must win ‘yes or yes’ and that Madrid must be crushed,” wrote Tomás Roncero on Real Madrid, the poor, unloved, richest club in the world. “It’s one rule for Barça and one for the rest of the mortals.”

Marca bark that “it was mission impossible,” but in the refereeing conspiracy rather than the tactical sense. “Another bad decision frustrates Madrid’s comeback,” complained the paper, echoing Iker Casillas’s post match comments that “they robbed us here and there. They took away our final.” “Anyone who knows football knows Barcelona are protected,” sulked Cristiano Ronaldo.

However, Wednesday’s edition does manage to find some small solace in Tuesday’s result at the Camp Nou, with its editorial commenting that “Barcelona are Champions League finalists and it’s excellent news for Spanish football.” It then finishes off with a bit of a laugh to keep the punters happy for the next few days by boasting that “Spanish football enjoys enviable health and the fans can feel genuinely privileged.”

After four matches that didn’t exactly set the world alight, it’s an opinion that may not find favour with much of the planet.

Bad Days for Big Two and Desperate Deportivo

Tim Stannard — Tue, 03 May 2011 10:49:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 30 Apr Real Madrid 2-3 Real Zaragoza, Real Sociedad 2-1 Barcelona, Deportivo La Coruna 0-1 Atlético Madrid Sun 1 May Almería 0-1 Sevilla, Levante 0-0 Sporting Gijón, Málaga 3-1 Hércules, Racing Santander 2-0 Mallorca, Villarreal 2-1 Getafe, Osasuna 1-0 Valencia Mon 2 May Espanyol 2-1 Athletic Bilbao

GOOD DAY

Villarreal
A huge sigh of relief from Villarreal after Thursday’s 5-1 humping by Porto. Losing 1-0 at half time to Getafe - an embarrassing thing to happen to a lady these days - it looked like the club’s continuing crumble in la Liga was going to worsen.

But then they got their act together in the second half, Cani and Giuseppe Rossi coming up with a couple of goals to move Villarreal to within three points of Valencia – and, if the Mestalla men lose their nerve in the four remaining matches, a previously unthinkable chance of third place.

Kun Agüero
With goals in seven of Atletico Madrid's last eight league games, the little Argentinian is pushing the Rojiblancos towards a spot in Europe next season – and perhaps himself toward a nice transfer away from the Vicente Calderón, considering Kun kept coy about his immediate future when interviewed in Monday’s AS.

Levante, Sporting
The draw that was always going to be took place on Sunday with a 0-0 snore-fest with Levante and Sporting knowing that a point would do both their causes just fine. “Why not kiss each other!” was the chant from the stands from the unimpressed Levante fans watched the ball being passed about for 90 minutes, although Sporting boss Manuel Preciado said the result was far from written in stone. “When two teams need to draw, they draw. That doesn’t mean anything was decided before.”

Real Sociedad
Another victory from a struggling side against one of the big two (and Valencia) to turn the relegation battle from its belly onto its bum. La Real stayed patient, kept up the midfield harassing and picked up three points after a late penalty strike from Xabi Prieto, who managed to hold his nerve with just eight minutes to go.

Racing Santander
A bad day for Racing owner Ali Syed after yet another no-show at his side’s game but a good one for his players (temporarily, any way, until muscly men and a van come to repossess them) with a 2-0 win over Mallorca.

Julio Baptista
Five goals in three for Baptista - including two headers on Sunday - makes it three wins in a row for Málaga and the former struggling side pulling away from the relegation zone.

Ikechukwu Uche, Queen Lafita
A disciplined performance from the Zaragoza front two mirrored the way an admirable Zaragoza played across the park. The Nigerian striker served up two assists for Queen Lafita, with the first coming after an unfortunate missed swipe of the ball from Iker Casillas, as a pouncing Uche explained to LLL after the game.

“I saw he was coming out and I didn’t take my eyes of the ball," he told your reporter. "Unfortunately for him, he missed it and I got it. First I tried to shoot at goal but it didn’t come out the way I expected. Fortunately my team-mate was there and he could finish it.”

Zaragoza now have 39 points and the end of the season is looking very different indeed for Javier Aguirre’s men. Heck, they may even be able to avoid wholesale cheating in their remaining home games with the club’s ball boys and players refraining from chucking extra balls onto the pitch at inopportune moments for their visitors.

Osasuna
Another bottom-of-the-table team to triumph against top-three opponents: Osasuna's 1-0 win over Valencia came from a deflected shot from Alvaro Cejudo, the footballer signed to replace Juanfran during the winter transfer window.

Espanyol
Wonderfully grumpy even when winning, here's Paul from Barcelona with some pitch side mutterings on Monday's 2-1 win over Athletic Bilbao.

"You would think after last week’s fun and games that the ref would try not to make any ridiculous decisions. Well we were wrong.

"A very even opening half-hour with an unrecognisable Athletic passing the ball and not bulldozing every Espanyol player. Gorka kept Athletic in it with two great saves until an offside Osvaldo – but here’s the kicker, the ball was last touched by a Bilbao defender therefore making him onside – scored to make it 1-0.

"Then three minutes of total madness. Some Athletic player showed Tom Daley how to do it, and, of course, he then got up and scored directly from the free kick: 1-1. Then an absolute stonewall, 100% pure wool penalty for Espanyol not given. Athletic lost the ball in their area, Gorka pushed the ball away, Ivan Alonso got the ball then had both his legs taken away from him by Gorka. The ref had the perfect view and didn’t give it. Now I will expect this sort of stuff at Camp Nou on Sunday but not at home to Athletic. Ivan Alonso then had the last laugh by scoring the winner from Osvaldo’s cross shot. Espanyol held on quite easily for the victory.

"About 500 Athletic fans - not bad for a Monday night - saw a very poor team who reverted to type second half by hoofing it up to Llorente (don’t understand the fuss at all). They looked much more dangerous playing the passing game. The pleasing thing for me was Espanyol weren’t bullied out of it by the La Liga’s premier bullies, with apologies to Racing. Maybe we won’t concede 10 next Sunday after all."
–– Paul, Barcelona

BAD DAY

Barcelona
LLL suspects that Barcelona lost Saturday’s game after Real Madrid’s defeat just to annoy their Capital City rivals even further by making them regret their own slip-up against Zaragoza even more.

Real Madrid
“An atmosphere of sadness and confusion at the Bernabeu,” noted AS editor Alfredo Relaño on Sunday, the day after another defeat for Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu. He wasn’t wrong. The crowd was subdued before the game, subdued during it and subdued after. It was a collective shrug of indifference that summed up the performance of Madrid, especially in the first half.

Despite fielding the same front three of Kaká, Karim Benzema and Gonzalo Higuaín that tore Valencia a new one last week, the difference this time was that Zaragoza were sitting back with a five-man defence - which included Jiri Jarosik to make life extra-hard for the visitors - that didn’t allow Madrid any room for manoeuvre. The Forces of Mordor have now gone three home games in la Liga without a win.

Iker Casillas
Poor Saint Iker spent part of the match with his arms wrapped around his head trying to blot out the image of the air-kick which gifted Zaragoza their first goal in the Bernabeu.

Martin Cáceres
The Sevilla defender’s season is over after an outrageous high kick to the head from Almería’s Michael Jakobsen.

Diego Forlán
In the five games that Forlán has started from the bench in Atlético’s recent successful run, four have been victories with one draw. A move to Turkey this summer looks more likely by the day.

Deportivo
A home defeat to Atlético Madrid and somewhat unexpected victories for la Real and Zaragoza really did put the crocodile amongst the pigeons for Deportivo, whose boss Miguel Angel Lotina is still trying to take the double big two defeats in.

“I’m very upset about the other results but I’m not going to fall for the temptation of criticising any team or any coach,” grumbled the Depor manager, whose side is now fourth from bottom, just one point off the relegation zone.

Getafe
“We’re in a situation that we didn’t expect to be in,” admitted Míchel The Soon-To-Be-Fired-Manager after another defeat. Like Deportivo, Getafe have suffered enormously after the unexpected victories for Zaragoza, Real Sociedad and Osasuna. Next week’s home game against Almería could be the biggest of the club since their promotion to the top flight, bigger even that the two cup finals. Oh yes.

Almería, Hércules
Defeats for both clubs against Sevilla and Málaga respectively means that both teams are pretty much burned toast with manky jam smeared on top.

La Liga fixtures, results and tables

Ranting Mourinho fast running out of friends

Tim Stannard — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:59:00 GMT

The empty chair in the press area next to LLL never stood a chance.

Kicked repeatedly when Pepe was sent off, kicked repeatedly after Leo Messi’s two goals saw Barca place one foot in next month's Wembley final and then booted with not inconsiderable vigour off its hinges at the final whistle by the irate and increasingly drunk Madrid fan sat behind the blog. The sozzled supporter was clearly not at all happy with what had unfolded at the Santiago Bernabeu on Wednesday night.

Once again, brave, plucky, strikerless, barely-moving-out-of-their-own-half-in-the-first-45-minutes Real Madrid had been foiled by UEFA’s ongoing plot to make Barcelona the bestest team in all the land and Champions of Europe forever and ever.

That was the narrative spouted by José Mourinho after the match, and a rather rattled Mou caused gasps of both disbelief and excitement as he launched into a spectacular rant concerning Barcelona’s supposed favoured status with UEFA, complete with shoulder shrugging aplenty and Robert de Niro facial grimacing.

“Por qué?” asked the Special One repeatedly, “Why?”

“Football should be played with the same rules for everyone with the best team winning,” argued Mourinho, who is perhaps redefining ‘winning’ as ‘grinding out a goalless draw in front of your own fans’.

While seeing Mourinho complain of Pepe-hating plots against himself and in favour of Barcelona is no great surprise, what really got the juices flowing was the Madrid manager's rather mean-spirited comments regarding Barca’s Champions League win of 2009. “Pep Guardiola is a fantastic coach, but he won a Champions League that would have shamed me due to the scandal at Stamford Bridge. If they win this one it will be after a scandal at the Bernabeu.”

This is just one of many open musings made by Mourinho that have seen Barcelona call an emergency board meeting to discuss whether the matter should be taken up with UEFA.

Unsurprisingly, seeing the Madrid manager so unsettled by the 2-0 defeat that he has already written off his team’s chances of a comeback has moved the Barcelona press to a state of near arousal, with Mundo Deportivo’s front cover proclaiming “ecstasy” after the result.

Writing inside, Santi Nolla also has a solution to Mourinho’s red card “pour qué” conundrum. “It’s very easy to answer: it’s because of Mourinho. The Portuguese coach gets his footballers to play to the limit every time against Barcelona.”

Sport’s doberman of destruction - he of the Taliban of Madrid claims - Lluís Mascaró, is understandably in a sprightly mood and declares that El Clásico III was “class against power, brilliance against vulgarity.” “Barça managed last night in the Bernabeu to win their passport to the Champions League final and shut Mourinho’s mouth.”

There’s more sympathy for Mourinho and Madrid in the local papers. But only just. The main support for the club’s plight comes from Tomás Roncero, who fumes that “in the same way the Villarato is working in Spain, it’s the Platinato in Europe.”

However, that’s to be expected from the maddest of Madridistas. There’s criticism for both sides from AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, who fusses over what was largely a disappointing spectacle filled with pushing, shoving and more than a little diving. “Two such excellent teams are transmitting an inappropriate image in these games.”

LLL was expecting Marca to be fuming over Pepe’s sending off. Although that is the case to a degree, now that former director Eduardo Inda has left the paper a semblance of balance has been restored that sees Marca being particularly forceful in its criticism of Mourinho’s tactics and formation for the semi-final clash.

“It was a mediocre Madrid before and after the sending off of Pepe,” according to the paper’s match report. It was a comment echoed by Thursday’s editorial which boomed that “the huge irritation provided by a mistake of this size must not serve as an excuse to forget the fearful line-up set up by Mourinho.”

In José Mourinho’s mind the Spanish FA, Spanish League and UEFA are all out to get him. He really is in trouble if the local press have turned on him too. After all, it could be someone upstairs who is next to take aim.

Potty-mouth Pep comes out swinging for Clásico III

Tim Stannard — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 13:28:00 GMT

On Tuesday, it really did feel as if the respective camps participating in the toddler-esque festival of bickering between Barcelona and Real Madrid simply weren’t trying hard enough, worn down perhaps by the requirements of producing gallons of dribble and drivel on a daily basis.

The best that Marca and AS could come up with was to suggest that UEFA was under the thrall of Barcelona – as per the Spanish FA – with the appointment of Wolfgang Stark for Wednesday’s Champions League clash, an official who once expressed the shock opinion that Leo Messi was a good player.

Pep’s Dream Boys had had their way apparently when Guardiola joked on Saturday that his counterpart José Mourinho would be happy with a Portuguese referee for the semi-final encounter at the Santiago Bernabeu.

“In the end, a fan of Messi will be the ref,” complained Marca, with their pet ex-official Rafa Guerrero let out of his pen to grump that Stark is “arrogant and has no dialogue with the players” (which LLL thought is as Spanish as tortilla and creating conspiracy theories, and thus perfect to the game). “UEFA listen to Pep and a German will be the ref,” huffed AS.

“Madrid put pressure on the ref!” was the complaint from Mundo Deportivo, who were noting that Madridistas were noting that the German official had failed to give Madrid a penalty for a Yoann Gourcuff handball in the team’s last-16 tie against Lyon.

However, an interchange divided by a period of five hours between Mourinho and Guardiola soon perked up journalists on both sides – and guaranteed the headlines on Wednesday would not involve the now-discarded topic of Wolfgang Stark.

“SuperPep!” screamed Mundo Deportivo! “Mourinho-ised!” trumpeted AS! “Laura Manzanedo gets naked in the street!” promised current affairs magazine Interviú!

The tale began when a mischievous José Mourinho, with no sense of shame whatsoever, noted that there used to be two groups of managers: those who never spoke about referees and those who only mentioned them when mistakes were made. The Special One put himself in this second pot with an admirably straight face.

The Madrid boss was referring to a comment made by Pep Guardiola that Barça could have won the Copa del Rey were it not for a couple of centimetres and an attentive linesman – an observation Mourinho appears to have taken as a sarcastic jibe, something that Sergio Ramos managed to do too. Then again, that’s not wholly surprising as the flamenco-loving defender is probably spending much of Wednesday having the concept of the away goals rule patiently explained to him.

"Don't tell him I said this, but..."

“We now have a third group and that’s him: someone who criticises correct decisions by the ref. It’s something I’ve never seen in the world of football,” said Mourinho, perhaps forgetting his complaints about Raúl Albíol’s perfectly legitimate sending off against Barcelona in El Clásico I nearly two weeks ago.

Guardiola is normally the sensible type to ignore this kind of nonsense but this was a step too far for the follically failing Barça boss. He conceded that Mourinho had won “the game off the field. He’s been winning all year,” but that it was going to be very different at 20.45 in Madrid.

“In this room, he’s the f***king boss, the f***king big guy, the cleverest man in the world. I don’t want to compete with him even for just one moment,” said Pep. After calming down a tad, Guardiola explained in English towards the end of the press conference why his reaction to yet another provocation from Mourinho was met with such force and vigour.

“It’s the first time he’s said ‘Pep’,” explained the Barcelona manager. “‘You did this, you said this’ so afterwards I have to respond. Normally there’s talk in general about a club, a team, a coach. It’s the first time he’s said ‘Pep’.”

“If he continues to say ‘Pep’, I’ll say ‘hey José!’” joked the slightly calmer coach.

"I know you are, but what am I?"

The response in the press is suitably divided with the Madridista world suggesting that Pep had lost the plot, although Marca did try to be a grown-up for once with the editorial castigating both coaches for their performances in front of the press. “The sorry sparring of Madrid and Barcelona managers... has robbed the attention from what’s most important of all: the ball.”

Feisty Barcelona paper Sport came out in strong defence of Guardiola’s potty-mouthed tiff with Josep María Casanovas arguing that “the reaction of Pep is understandable, laudable and human.”

“Mourinho has spent the whole year criticising the referees, attacking colleagues, making accusations at opponents and disrespecting his superiors – and the result is that Guardiola is the bad guy of the film,” complained a disbelieving Joan Vehils.

LLL thinks that it will be a shame to ruin all the pre-match fun with a game of football. But sadly that’s what’s going to be happening in the Santiago Bernabeu in a match where fisticuffs both mental and physical must surely be on the cards. And that can only be a good thing all round.

Good Day, Bad Day: Golden Gonzalo, Angry Unai and Awful Arizmendi

Tim Stannard — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 09:52:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

It was time for a spot of role reversal for Madrid and Barcelona on Saturday night. Pep’s Dream Boys were the team grinding out a narrow home win and scoring with their only shot on target, while the Forces of Mordor had whipped off their kit and were merrily running naked through the sprinklers of surprise with wonderful passing and six goals away from home.

And that’s probably because one team have perhaps the biggest and best squad in Europe and the other are completely knackered.

Gonzalo Higuaín

Anyone disliked by both Marca and the big Bernabeu bosses is a friend of LLL - and that’s why the blog has always been happy to hold Gonzalo’s hand, buy him a latte and call him a chum through his thick and thin spells at Real Madrid (and that’s not a reference to Sergio Ramos and Pepe).

Higuaín celebrated his ongoing return from a back injury with three goals, two assists and a hearty hair ruffle of approval from LLL. The blog has yet to deliver the third part but it has two bites at the Gonzalo cherry on Wednesday and Saturday at the Santiago Bernabeu. Security permitting.

Iker Muniain

Another goal for that loveable little scamp, Iker Muniain, gave Athletic a victory in a typically feisty derby against Real Sociedad and leaves them just six points off the still wobbling Villarreal with five games to go. Chin-strokingly interesting stuff, especially because LLL predicted back in August that Athletic would grab fourth spot this season.

Atlético Madrid

Another trip to the Vicente Calderón for LLL on a Sunday evening and another comfy-as-cushions victory for Atlético Madrid, who are squatting in seventh and hugging a four point gap over Espanyol. As with the clash against Real Sociedad a fortnight ago, Atleti only looked troubled for twenty minutes and came out on top with a 4-1 win, even with Juanfran and Raul García playing.

Michael Laudrup

The victory over Getafe for Mallorca didn’t exactly make the front pages in Spain but it was still an important one as it puts Mallorca on 42 points with five games to spare - not bad going for a team in administration and shorn of all it’s half-decent players over the summer.

“We can now play the last five games without anxiety, tension and perhaps try to get as far up the table as possible,” announced the Great Dane in what sounds like great news for Racing, Villarreal, Hércules, Almería and Atlético Madrid - Mallorca’s final opponents.

Sporting

It was a truly awful week for Manuel Preciado which saw the death of the Sporting’s coach’s father in a road accident - another tragedy to go alongside the death of his wife through cancer in 2002 and of his son in other car accident two years later.

But his players responded on Sunday to perhaps cheer him up slightly with a 1-0 victory to lift Sporting to 42 points and probably safety. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return such love,” said Preciado of his players. “The hard work from this dressing room is the most I’ve had as a coach.”

Julio Baptista

A veritable humdinger of an opening strike against Racing helped Málaga to a 2-1 win and a second victory on the trot. The Beast has returned just in time with three goals in two games that sees Málaga three points away from the relegation zone.

Hércules

A 1-0 win over Deportivo but still going down (grumble, grumble, grumble).

Bad Day

Valencia

The Mestalla massive are not the must understanding bunch at the best of times, so it was not wholly unsurprising that the home crowd were all with the Ever Banega on Saturday evening by bringing out the hankies and tissues. But this time there was very little pleasuring involved.

Valencia’s finest moment was perhaps the dithering from Jeremy Mathieu to allow Gonzalo Higuaín’s first goal of three. Or perhaps it was Unai Emery’s Stormin’ Norman impression after the game which made the stadium’s foundations rumble and crumble. “I don’t understand how we can be so aggressive against Villarreal and do nothing against Madrid,” fumed Unai. “We were a joke. A big joke.”

Villarreal

Another defeat this weekend but if Villarreal make it to the Europa League final and grab fourth spot then the recent losses in this final section of the season would all have been worth it.

Sevilla

Yes, it was a handy win for Sevilla in their Europa League chase, but LLL really can’t believe that the ball boys acted of their own initiative by chucking balls onto the pitch to disrupt the play and refusing to hand them to the Villarreal players, as happened with Diego López who even appeared to push one of the little blighters over at one point.

“Disgraceful,” blasted Alvaro Negredo. “This isn’t the behaviour of a senior team,” noted Diego Capel.

LLL disagrees. This is exactly the kind of behaviour you'd expect from a side whose players spend a large amount of their time hurling themselves to the ground and faking injuries to get an advantage, so it’s no surprise that the ball boys are in on the act too.

Oh yes. LLL forgot - Sevilla have done this before in February's clash against Hércules...

...see?

Espanyol

A third defeat in five now sees Espanyol slipping from the European places, to the fringes of the European places to quite a long way from the European places.

Deportivo

“A game of few goals as Deportivo were one of the teams” - Gol TV commentator proving that it isn’t just LLL cracking cheap jokes at Dull Deportivo’s expense during the Galician team’s 1-0 defeat at Hércules.

Racing, Real Sociedad

Defeats for both sides throws both teams back in the fringes of the relegation fight,

Javier Arizmendi

Two identical headed efforts from corners being conceded by Getafe were bad enough in the defeat to Mallorca, but a ball ballooned over the bar in front of an open goal by Javier Arizmendi was perhaps the low (or high, depending on how you yank your crank) light of Getafe’s defeat.

Barca left with six days to find a way around Madrid's rearguard

Tim Stannard — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 14:12:00 GMT

When the immensely unhinged Lluís Mascaró, writing in Wednesday’s edition of Barça-barmy Sport, declared in a fit of hysteria that the Copa del Rey final was “a battle between good and evil, between generosity and meanness, between love and hate,” LLL realised things were going to be more than a little fruity both on and off the pitch before, during and after ‘Clásico II - The Cup Final’.

But that didn't mean the sight of Alvaro Arbeloa treading on David Villa and then dragging him to his feet in the first half of Madrid’s eventual 1-0 win came as any less of a shock - and it was just the first of many spats and spits between the two teams on a fractious night at the Mestalla.

Happily, the nation's potty press provided a sense of normality, both pre and post game, fixing bayonets and taking up their usual defensive positions.

“Mou, this is why they brought you in!” was Marca’s front cover on Wednesday confirming Florentino Pérez’s newly adopted, self-preserving policy of ‘win-at-any-costs-you-lumps-do-you-know-how-much-of-the-club’s-cash-I’ve-blown?’

Unsurprisingly it was Marca who were the most enthusiastic when it came to post-match cheerleading, with their beloved Madrid having won the newly-squashed Copa del Rey for the first time in 18 years, a moment that brought an estimated 100,000 fans to Cibeles to greet their heroes at at 4.30am - but only once the trophy had been rescued from under the front wheel of the double-decker bus.

However, in a particularly melodramatic article, the paper’s Madridista-in-chief Eduardo Inda did not seem at all happy about the result.

“Juan Merengue is sad about what happened in Valencia. He’s sad to see the Copa del Rey being lifted by a team that has destroyed the traditional values of Madridismo. He’s sad because a team that allows Pepe and Khedira to play should not win anything. He’s sad because Florentino Pérez, the worst president in the history of world football - or perhaps of the universe, has won his way.”

But don't worry, the paper’s director was in fact making a rather clumsy attempt at sarcasm. Either that, or he is now a pile of ashes on top of an office chair having been on the wrong end of one of Florentino’s pin-sat death rays.

Inda has successfully mimicked the approach of the Catalan press on Thursday morning, who are in pouty, arms-folded, "we're not playing any more" mode, with Sport’s headline pointing out that Madrid “have the cup, but we have the league”. “In two matches, Barça must show why they are the most admired team in the world,” wrote Johan Vehils with another nauseating smug-fest among a series of articles that rambled on about anti-football and all the usual guff.

The orders from Sport's Lluís Mascaró are considerably stronger. “May nobody talk about the end of a cycle. May no-one from the Taliban media cavern say that the blaugrana project is over.” It’s hard to know what Mascaró will do should anyone disobey his commands, as judging by the writer’s by-line photo, the columnist has the air of Hi-di-Hi’s Jeffrey Fairbrother about him. But without the menace...

Mundo Deportivo are attempting to be a little more adult in the face of Barcelona’s defeat, with Thursday’s front cover looking towards the Champions League semi-finals their team are probably going to lose on away goals. “Yesterday, Real Madrid won the cup. Congratulations. But it will be avenged,” warned Santi Nolla.

“Madrid are the cup champions after stopping Barça from scoring in 120 minutes of play. An achievement that must be recognised,” writes Miguel Rico in the nearest the Catalan media camp get to complimenting Mourinho’s successfully deployed tactics.

In the eyes of one Sport writer, the world is now being ruled by the forces of darkness, which would explain why so many people seem to be staying off the streets in the Spanish capital today - or it could just be down to the combination of a bank holiday and a lot of sore heads.

Regardless of that, the Catalan contingent can grumble all they like but it won’t help Barcelona in the battle against Mourinho’s forces of Mordor. Pep’s Dream Boys have now been stopped in their tracks by Madrid twice in the space of five days. Barcelona have about the same time to find a solution to prevent it from happening again.

********

The ‘LLL Deserves a Bank Holiday Too’ Mini Weekend Predictions

Saturday

Valencia v Real Madrid - Away Win
Barcelona v Osasuna - Home Win
Athletic Bilbao v Real Sociedad - Home win

Sunday

Mallorca v Team Dubai - Home win
Sporting v Espanyol - Draw
Hércules v Deportivo - Goalless Draw
Racing v Málaga - Away Win
Atlético v Levante - Home Win
Sevilla v Villarreal - Home win

Monday

Zaragoza v Almería - Home win

El Clásico II: A deafening anthem, replica shirts & an invisible No.9

Tim Stannard — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 10:37:00 GMT

“So, do you think the referee tonight was biased?”

“Eh?”

“Do you think the referee tonight was biased?”

“What?”

“DO YOU THINK THE REFEREE TONIGHT WAS BIASED?!”

That’s the way hundreds of post-game conversations will go after Wednesday’s Copa del Rey final, as it looks like some 40,000 supporters of Barcelona and Real Madrid are going to be stumbling out of the Mestalla with ears ringing as if they had spent the evening squatting inside an amplifier at a Metallica concert.

To prevent a repeat of the 2009 Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Athletic Bilbao - a royalist’s worst nightmare which saw the national anthem booed to high heaven by all and sundry in the stadium - Marca is reporting that the Mestalla PA system is set to be cranked up to 120 decibels to drown out any such republican rumblings from the Catalan contingent. However, the paper is warning that “after 55 decibels experts consider levels to be disturbing for human hearing.”

The deafening volumes are set to be especially irksome for sensitive Culés and Madridistas given the noise levels at their respective home grounds rarely get above the level of rustling sweet packets, the unwrapping of a ham and cheese sandwich or moans that their team isn’t winning by a big enough margin.

"What do you mean you didn't bring your Real Madrid replica shirt...?"

Both Madridista papers are hoping their side of the stadium will be full to the brim with cheery supporters dressed in white. AS report on a request from the Madrid players that fans wear the club’s shirt on Wednesday, but more importantly to pop down to the club shop and buy one if they don’t already have the garment hanging in their wardrobe. Meanwhile Marca tell of a campaign from Madrid fan groups to get those heading to the Mestalla to bring Spanish flags with them too.

“It’s an opportunity to show constitutional Spain’s best face, where there’s a common anthem and flag but alongside different anthems and flags that represent different identities,” says Tuesday’s editorial in an insanely hopeful appeal for a nationalist spirit of unity in the cup final.

The Barcelona press are still in their holier than thou, Snooty McSnooty Pants special place after Saturday’s supposed moral victory over Real Madrid. Faced with the very real prospect of being ground down to a textbook Mourinho-esque 1-0 defeat on Wednesday, the local papers are resorting to taunting their rivals for their spoiling approach to the past league encounter.

“A divided Madrid!” yells Mundo Deportivo’s front page on Tuesday, noting the surprisingly damning rant from Alfredo di Stefano in Monday’s edition of Marca in which he dismissed Madrid as “a team without personality” and praised Barça’s football for being best “watched with the soul not with the eyes.”

“Mourinho is a manager for titles, not football,” writes the ever-pompous Johan Cruyff in El Periódico. “He’s not a coach for how we understand the sport as a spectacle or diversion.”

In between all the endless maps, graphics, shots of team hotels and reports on the length of the grass of the Mestalla pitch, there is room somewhere for speculation on the line-ups for Wednesday’s Clásico II. Marca suggest that Mesut Özil will be playing as an “invisible number nine” alongside Angel di María and Cristiano Ronaldo. LLL is wondering if it is an invisible number nine in the same role that Karim Benzema played for much of the season. If so, that might not work.

In the Catalan camp, Sport are speculating that Guardiola has yet to decide between Seydou Keita and Pedro, but that José Manuel Pinto and his gangsta braids are set to start in goal as the club’s official Copa Del Rey keeper, this season.

LLL hopes Pinto remembers to put ear plugs into his kitbag along with gloves and a hairnet as it legs set to be a noisy night in Mestalla on Wednesday night.

Good Day, Bad Day: Triumph and Disaster for top two

Tim Stannard — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 13:02:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 16 Apr Getafe 1-0 Sevilla, Málaga 3-0 Mallorca, Almería 0-3 Valencia, Real Madrid 1-1 Barcelona Sun 17 Apr Real Sociedad 2-1 Sporting Gijón, Levante 2-1 Hércules, Deportivo La Coruña 2-0 Racing Santander, Osasuna 1-2 Athletic Bilbao, Espanyol 2-2 Atlético Madrid

GOOD DAY

Real Madrid, Barcelona (see also Bad Day)
A glorious moral victory for Real Madrid in the face of refereeing bias once again! Proof positive that the Catalan machine can be stopped in its dastardly referee-assisted tracks through the use of longer grass! A superior Real Madrid even when the side were down to 10 men! Spirits higher than ever in the camp ahead of Wednesday’s Copa clash!

The league title in the bag for Pep’s Dream Boys! Barcelona as solid as a rock and refusing to stoop to Real Madrid’s evil spoiling tactics! Leo Messi showing fire and spirit for the Catalan clause by pinging balls into the stands!

Swooping Spider-cam
Kept LLL entertained for the first half an hour when what was happening on the pitch was hardly tantalising.

Mrs Roberto Soldado (again)
A seventh strike in three matches for Soldado. Three wins from three for Valencia. And yet more good times aplenty for the good lady wife of the Mestalla marksman, who claims that he always needs ‘satisfaction’ after scoring goals.

Athletic Bilbao
Not just for the win at Osasuna: Sevilla, Espanyol and Atlético Madrid all dropped points too.

Levante
And so the Team Of The Second Half Of The Season all but completes its marvellous survival mission with some six matches left. Their current 42 points should easily be enough to see Levante through after an eight-match unbeaten run continued with a 2-1 victory over Hércules.

“We’re ninth and I’m super proud,” beamed coach Luis García, whose new task is to keep Levante on the hunt for an improbable European place. Seventh spot is just four points away, but more importantly occupied by the reliably unreliable Atlético Madrid.

Real Sociedad
Cliché dictates that Sunday’s 2-1 victory over Sporting was a ‘massive’ win for la Real after five defeats. Four more points from the final six games probably needed to complete a successful return from la Segunda.

Deportivo
A lucky 2-0 win, apparently.

Getafe
A blooming awful start to the weekend’s football in the Coliseum on Saturday afternoon in a dreadful match between two teams who took to the field without anyone of any quality to liven things up a bit.

The encounter got close to something resembling a thrill and maybe an inkling of a spill in the final 15 minutes after Miku scored for Getafe – but up to that point it was stodgy stuff from a Getafe side who huffed and puffed to little avail and a Sevilla team who simply couldn’t be bothered, despite all the pre-match talk of ‘seven finals’ and the Champions League places.

Julio Baptista
The big beast has returned from a couple of months out just in time to perhaps steer Málaga out of trouble. Two goals in a fairly predictable 3-0 win over nothing-to-play-for Mallorca sees the southern side sneaking out of the relegation zone – at least until third-from-bottom Zaragoza’s trip to Villarreal on Monday night.

BAD DAY

Real Madrid, Barcelona
The league title surrendered before a ball had been kicked by deploying clogging Pepe instead of Mesut Özil! José Mourinho once again blaming referees for Real Madrid’s sixth successive failure to beat Barcelona! More indiscipline from the Madrid defenders who lose the plot when the going gets tough!

Barça’s passing machine breaks down at introduction of an imperious Pepe! David Villa without a goal for Barça in 10 games! Leo Messi loses cool and kicks a ball into the crowd in frustration at Real Madrid’s overwhelming dominance! Dani Alves in no yellow card, stays on the pitch shock!

Espanyol
Defensive blunders! Errors ahoy! But this time, they largely came from Espanyol and not Atlético Madrid in Sunday’s strange 2-2 draw. And Paul from Barcelona was there to see everything.

“It’s soul-destroying when you outplay one of your direct rivals and only get a point. Certain Espanyol players did everything they could to help Atlético win. From minute one, Mr Weak Link himself, Galan, gently passed the ball to Koke (Do they call him “Okay”?) who scored more by surprise than skill. Could it get any worse? Oh yes.

"Espanyol must be taking defensive coaching from Blackpool’s Craig Cathcart – the Galan mistake was that bad. To be fair he did redeem himself with a fantastic tackle later, but every time Espanyol’s defender started passing the ball around the other team looks like scoring.

"The crowd really got behind Espanyol, who created a few openings before a great pass over the defence found Osvaldo who raced clear and his deflected shot made it 1-1.

"Then the first of two genuine moments of class in the game. The pass of the season from Callejón: a beautifully weighted curl along the ground from the halfway line to Kun, who chipped Kameni to make it 2-1. Xavi and Iniesta would have killed to make a pass as good as that. Regular readers might have spotted the ‘but’: Callejón plays for Espanyol not Atletico, although ‘plays’ is being generous.

"The second moment of class came when a defence-splitting cross from Verdú found the unmarked Osvaldo, whose flying header made it 2-2. A great finish from the man of the match.

"So, two points dropped by Espanyol rather than a point gained. Usual rubbish refereeing. Raul García got the “Dani Alves” get out of jail free card. Basic maths: two yellow card offenses = two yellow cards = one red = get off the pitch."

Ricardo
The Osasuna keeper came flying out of his goal to chase down a long ball in the final minute of the clash with Athletic Bilbao with the score at 1-1. Unfortunately for the hapless goalie, all he managed to do was take out his full-back Nelson and leave an open goal for Iker Muniain to give Athletic the win. Osasuna now on a run of three straight defeats.

Hércules
The “Djukic” effect lasted just two games, with Hércules losing out to Levante and probably needing four wins from six in the club’s final run-in. Doomed! Doomed! Doomed!

Almería
Two defeats from two now for bottom-of-the-table Almería boss Roberto Olabe has LLL musing over whether the club will be about to fire its third coach of the campaign.

The lightly-fined, Ikea-stressed, green & gold scarf wearing weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:09:00 GMT

Saturday

Getafe (16th) v Sevilla (5th)

Persuading Getafe fans to turn up to the Coliseum in their heaving dozens is a tough business when the team is doing well, so it is a near impossible task when the side is in trouble. Which is now.

Míchel the Manager - but not for much longer - is leading a team that is lumbering about on a run of just one win in 15 league games, leaving Getafe a mere four points from the relegation zone. To make matters worse the player who has scored five of the side’s last seven goals and captain, Manu Del Moral, is out for a month.

This is why club president, Angel Torres, has launched a campaign to fill the stadium against Sevilla, largely by giving away tickets - and that still may not be enough to get supporters through the turnstiles.

Some 2,000 have been handed out to the wee kiddies who are in the team’s youth academy and who are set to make the Coliseum sound like an England youth international on Saturday afternoon.

LLL Prediction - Home win (Arizmendi hat-trick. LLL isn’t kidding either)

Málaga (19th) v Mallorca (9th)

Friday’s predictions wouldn’t be the same without some halfwit footballer claiming their upcoming match was a ‘final’ where only a win would be enough, before losing the game in question and repeating the whole process the following week.

Today’s numbskull is Málaga’s Recio, who claims Saturday’s encounter against Mallorca is a ‘final’ in their battle to avoid relegation.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Almería (20th) v Valencia (3rd)

Positive thinking. Never a bad thing. Especially when it comes from the mouth of the manager-firer extraordinaire and club president of Almería and therefore possesses high giggle quantity.

“Out of the last seven games we can win five or six,” boasted Alfonso García on a run-in that begins with the visit of Valencia on Saturday and includes clashes against Sevilla, Villarreal and Real Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Barcelona (1st)

Four Clásicos! Pep vs José! Messi vs Ronaldo! Unfortunately, though, LLL has been more distracted by Thursday night’s awarding of the 'Marca legend' award to Fabio Capello - a figure the paper have repeatedly been rather snooty towards thanks to his ‘anti-football’. Perhaps the Italian earned this legendary status for twice being fired by Real Madrid straight after winning the league title...

Marca, in turn, wins its own LLL award - the prize for the most desperately contrived Clásico graphic - an epic effort on Friday that portrays the various tactical schemes of Pep Guardiola and José Mourinho, but in the form of Ikea assembly instructions - something that brought LLL out in a panic cold sweat within seconds.

LLL Prediction - Football will be the winner (You're a coward - ed)

Sunday

Real Sociedad (13th) v Sporting (11th)

There have been rumblings around the Basque country that la Real president, Jokin Aperribay, was going to follow the dark path taken by Almería and Hércules recently by freaking out and sacking the club’s coach with the threat of relegation on the horizon.

Real Sociedad have lost five in a row and were blooming awful in the last of that run, Sunday’s defeat at Atlético Madrid, but the team’s prez promises that he will be sticking with Martin Lasarte for the moment, the coach who took the northern side up from la Segunda last season.

“I had a very open conversation with Martin and he knows that if he has any problems with the squad then he should tell me,” said Aperribay. “At the moment we have a good person and a good coach.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (10th) v Hércules (18th)

Disappointment. That’s the main emotion felt by LLL as it watched the then suspended Levante defender, Sergio Ballesteros, being filmed watching TV whilst catching his team’s late equaliser against Racing last weekend - a goal that brought the side to within a crumpet’s crampon of survival.

Instead of a giant whoop and leap around his living room from the big fella that was expected from the blog, the Thor-like, huge-necked defender gave a half-hearted cheer and a fist pump that was Tim Henman-esque in its limpness.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (15th) v Racing Santander (12th)

In a radio interview with Cadena Ser, Racing president Francisco Pernía didn’t really convince LLL that everything was well with new owner Ali Syed, who has a few fraud scandals around the world to firefight at the moment.

The players seem to feel the same way with 11 of the squad still being owed money from last season - not Ali Syed’s fault, to be fair - but having been promised the cash on at least three occasions.

“I prefer not to think about what will happen of we don’t get paid before the weekend as they promised us,” warned Pedro Munitis in a stern message that forced Pernía to show the footballers a copy of the transfer that had apparently been made from Bahrein to bring their coffers up to date.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (14th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

This contest always brings out the debate on Athletic Bilbao supposedly pinching players from the Narvarra region and from under Osasuna’s noses, such as Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente, and stamping ‘Basque’ onto their foreheads before dressing them up in red and white stripes.

Athletic midfielder, Carlos Gurpegui, has added his thoughts to the debate by saying that if his club “take from Nararra, in this case perhaps it’s because Osasuna don’t look after them and Athletic take advantage of this.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Espanyol (8th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

When is a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans not a green and yellow scarf worn in protest by football fans? When Atlético president, Enrique Cerezo, says it isn’t, that’s when.

For the past few months, members of the the Rojiblanco faithful have copied the 'green and gold' campaign of Manchester United fans to express their displeasure at the current owners of their own club.

One of the guilty party in these fans’ eyes, the logic-seeing Cerezo, was asked about the scarves in AS and claimed that supporters “are demonstrating against the owners of Manchester United and not Atlético.”

Meanwhile the other club owner, Miguel Angel Gil, was commenting on the reports in the Spanish media that a deal had been done between United and goalkeeper David De Gea - a story denied by both Atlético and De Gea. However, the son of Jesús Gil did spill the beans on what was heading in the direction of the Atleti keeper these days aside from balls and bad back passes from Luis Perea.

“Manchester United are offering him five times more than he earns here, but they are not the only club after him. Chelsea want him as well,” revealed the discreet Atlético Director General.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Monday

Villarreal (4th) v Zaragoza (17th)

602 euros! That’s all that Zaragoza were fined by the Spanish FA after two balls were thrown onto the pitch by a mysterious soul sitting on the home side bench during Monday’s visit of Getafe whenever the visitors attacked at 2-1 down in the final minutes.

Except that the mysterious soul is not so shadowy it seems with Getafe defender, Iván Marcano saying that “we all knew who threw it.” This knowledge may coincide with nut job, Cata Díaz, attempting to have a quiet word with Zaragoza midfielder, Ander Herrera, as the players walked off the pitch after the game but being foiled in his ambitions by a wall of the youngster’s team-mates.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Madrid head to London with Pep's 'insult' ringing in their ears

Tim Stannard — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 13:23:00 GMT

With his headshot staring out from the back page of this morning's Barcelona-themed Mundo Deportivo like a particularly camp but extremely furious agony uncle, journalist Lluís Mascaró is a seething hotbed of righteous anger.

“Madridismo impotency against the footballing superiority of Barça has forced the Taliban of Madrid journalism to invent all manner of absurd stories to destablise the blaugrana team,” fumed Mascaró, refusing to get carried away when comparing a few halfwit hacks in the Spanish capital to the particularly murderous Afghan militia group.

The issue that really steamed his sponge pudding was a story in Tuesday's Marca concerning a lapse in concentration from Pep Guardiola in the previous day’s press conference ahead of the Shakhtar Donetsk clash.

For those with a billion things better to do with their lives than keep up to date with the day-to-day, infantile nonsense that keeps the Spanish football press in business, the Barça boss had a momentary mind-wipe whilst answering a question and forgot that a semi-final stood between the Dream Boys and a big night out at Wembley.

“If we get past this round by knocking out Shakhtar we are in the final,” announced Guardiola before being corrected and apologising in English with a sheepish grin for his “big mistake”.

The matter was tittered at as the fluffiest of anecdotes elsewhere, but Marca mused that this was perhaps yet another insult aimed at Real Madrid ahead of what the paper has labelled “The Rally of Clásicos”. Pep’s despicable slur merely followed on from the other awful things said about the Mordor club in recent weeks, including the joke from Sandro Rosell that Barça would win the cup final 5-0 “to keep up the habit”.

“It’s difficult to tell if we are seeing a mistake or a premeditated change in attitude,” mused Tuesday’s mean-spirited editorial.

Despite Pep’s supposed cracking up - “he’s a bag of nerves,” observed Monday’s Marca - his Dream Boys won a Champions League knock-out match away from home for the first time under Guardiola with a 1-0 win over Shakhtar and a 48th goal in 47 games for Leo Messi.

Real Madrid now have to seal their part of the Champions League semi-final deal by avoiding a hammering by ‘Arry in White Hart Lane. The main speculation from the Capital City press is over which players will be rested ahead of Saturday’s liga Clásico and which players currently one yellow from a suspension will be carded on Wednesday - a roster that includes Cristiano Ronaldo.

The match itself should be a doddle, according to Marca's Roberto Gómez, who claims that “if Spurs were in the Spanish league then they would be mid-table. Upper mid-table.” But the columnist knows so little about anything - never mind football - that Madrid fans may actually be a little wary that his comments regarding the supposed ease of Wednesday’s second leg clash in London could also prove wide of the mark.

Are Zaragoza cheats, or just clever?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 13:24:00 GMT

Relations between Zaragoza and Getafe were frosty even before Monday night’s fiery relegation battle in La Romareda.

The visiting club president, Angel Torres, had been more than vocal in threatening to have Zaragoza thrown out of the Spanish top flight for failing to meet a transfer installment for former Getafe striker Ikechukwu Uche, who was sold to the Aragonese team for €2.8 million in the summer of 2009.

The failure to pay this installment worth €950,000, along with the inability of Zaragoza president, Agapito Iglesias, to answer Torres’s ten calls concerning the money, left the Getafe bigwig understandably peeved as it prevented him from making his own payments to club staff in time.

“This is fraud in every aspect of the law,” claimed Torres who has reportedly threatened to get his money back either through an official compliant to the Spanish League (LFP) or through the courts.

Taking the first path is an absolute waste of time, considering it isn’t considered a big deal in Spain for clubs to go into administration or have outstanding debts to other sides - despite these being issues frowned upon by UEFA, as Mallorca found to their cost when they were chucked out of this season’s Europa League. Besides, the LFP is run by a collection of buffoons as the debacle of the recent ‘strike’ threat showed.

That thought may have gone through Torres’ mind on Monday as his former striker, Uche, charged through on goal to pass the ball out to Nicolás Bertolo for Zaragoza’s winner in a 2-1 victory over Getafe that sees Zaragoza now sitting just one point behind the visitors, who have still managed just the single league win in 2011.

Zaragoza were profiteering on Monday night in two respects - by taking advantage of the apparently freebie Uche in the game and by depriving their opponents of both the player and the financial means of replacing him.

But there was more skullduggery to come in the match, with no small amount of blatant cheating from Zaragoza. As Getafe pressed for an equaliser in the final minutes, extra balls suddenly appeared on the pitch. Therefore, every time the visitors pressed, the game had to be stopped, interrupting Getafe’s flow, somewhat.

“There were nearly six balls on the pitch, even the referee could have dribbled one,” fumed Getafe manager, Míchel, who cut an understandably livid figure on the touchline.

Zaragoza manager, Javier Aguirre, claimed he felt “ashamed” by what had happened. “I apologise publicly in my name and that of Real Zaragoza as I don’t like it. I’m a defender of fair play.”

Sadly not everyone on his team shares such noble values as at least one of the extra balls introduced onto the pitch was rolled out by someone sitting on the Zaragoza bench, an action that has brought out the sabre-rattling Daily Mail reader in LLL, with the blog calling for Zaragoza to have the three points gained on Monday night taken away from them, perhaps with a further 15 point deduction on top of that for good measure. And that’s before dealing with the fact that their star striker shouldn’t have been out on the pitch in the first place on moral grounds.

But that’s the way things seem to run in the Spanish game, which favours ‘los listos’ over the ‘los buenos’ - the ‘clever’ over the ‘good’.

You want to fix matches to stay up or win promotion? No problem! All cases will be ‘archived’ by the FA and LFP as with the evidence and accusations against Hércules.

No intention of paying for players you sign from other teams, leaving them in the lurch as with Mallorca’s purchase of Ariz Aduriz from Athletic Bilbao? Don’t sweat! There is nothing in the statutes preventing you from doing this. In fact, it’s almost the done thing.

Want to chuck extra balls on to the pitch? No biggies. Just apologise and everyone else will just forget about it. After all, it’s not as if it happened to anyone important is it?

Good Day, Bad Day: Kaká’s comeback and Soldado the happy hubby

Tim Stannard — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 13:33:00 GMT

Good day

Barcelona

Another slightly flat, unsatisfactory performance from Barça in the 3-1 win against Almería, but it didn’t need to be a particularly pumped up one considering two away trips to Ukraine and the Realm of Mordor are to come over the next few days.

Leo Messi

Lil’ Leo has now scored 47 goals this season in all competitions equalling the Camp Nou record of the Real Ronaldo from the 1996-97 season.

Kaká

Kaká seems like such a nice, decent fella that it has often broken the blog’s delicate little heart over the past 18 months to make childish, mean-spirited jokes about the Brazilian being a waste of money and only getting his mojo into gear when there is an international tournament for Brazil on the horizon. Like the Copa América, for example, which is just around the corner and coincides with a very sudden and surprising return for the Madrid player.

The forward appeared in the squad for last week’s Spurs clash and even set up Ronaldo’s goal. Kaká started Saturday’s win at Athletic in place of Mesut Özil and was given the responsibility of taking both penalties despite icy stares of death from the bench-squatting and Pichichi-chasing Ronaldo.

Roberto Soldado

LLL’s claim that the Valencia striker, deep down, isn’t much cop appears thinner than Pep Guardiola’s scalp by the day. Soldado followed up his four goals against Getafe last weekend with two more in a thriller of a performance for Valencia against Villarreal and a 5-0 stuffing.

The blog’s concern now is the physical state of Mrs Soldado with her hubby revealing in February that “when I score my body demands satisfaction afterwards”. LLL imagines there are smiles and funny walks all round.

Villarreal

The blog is going to be soft, gentle and all with the cooing and stroking with Villarreal after their 5-0 drubbing by Valencia. The combination of a make-shift defence playing very badly, some tired Europa-League focussed legs in the visitors ranks and an excellent performance from the Valencia forward line all account for a very bad day at the office indeed for the Yellow Submarine.

Atlético Madrid

A creative midfield hub of Mario Suárez and Tiago and the sulking gloom-monster, Diego Forlán, being left on the bench again gave Atleti a spring in their step on Sunday in a 3-0 win against Real Sociedad in one of the best performances LLL has seen from the Rojiblancos for some time.

The way of the world in the Spanish capital is that two defeats for Atleti heralds the end of the world at the Vicente Calderón, but a couple of victories brings about the brightest of futures. This sees AS claiming that Atlético are being lead by “a Champions League Kun Agüero” after the captain’s single strike helped move the Rojiblancos to within nine points off Villarreal in fourth. Which is still quite a long way away really.

Michael Laudrup

Mallorca, a team that La Liga Loca wisely tipped for relegation, are now arguably just another victory away from survival after picking up a point against Sevilla, on Saturday night. It’s a sturdy campaign that surely puts their Danish boss onto the blog’s much coveted manager of the year shortlist.

Levante

Despite the absence of a whole bunch of first teamers, Levante still don’t know when they are beaten and popped up with a late equaliser against Racing to give them a point. Just one defeat for Levante since the end of January, and that was in the Santiago Bernabeu. Marvelous.

Sporting

“The party carries on” claims Marca after Sporting followed their 1-0 away win against Madrid with a home victory over Osasuna by the same score-line when David Barral pounced on a mix-up between Ricardo and Lolo for the only goal of the game. Deportivo

A goalless draw is always a good day in Deportivo’s world. The 0-0 against Málaga was the club’s seventh in la Primera this season. Which is nearly a quarter of the Galician side’s games.

Bad Day

Gregorio Manzano

A frosty reception for poor Gregors as he lead his Sevilla side out against former club Mallorca in the Balearics - a charming way to greet a coach who lead a near bankrupt club into fifth last season but walked away over the summer after disputes that are still ongoing over a reported failure to pay wages and bonuses.

Gorka Iraizoz

The Athletic keeper was guilty of a foul that was so blatant and heinous on Angel Di María in the eleventh minute that the Argentine didn’t even have to attempt a dive. The winger made up for that in second half though with a double salchow to win Madrid’s second spot-kick of the game and keep up the penalty count that Marca and AS have demanding of late.

Diego Forlán

A half-hearted, training ground, ‘meh-whatever’ shot over the bar in the final minutes of the game sums up Forlán’s current rock-bottom mood these days.

Real Sociedad

La Real boss, Martin Lasarte, looked a worried manager at the weekend - as well he might, considering his Basque side only bothered playing for 15 minutes of Sunday’s 3-0 defeat at Atlético. The season-ending injury Joseba Llorente suffered back in February is now looking very costly indeed, with la Real now on a run of five straight defeats and getting sucked into the relegation battle.

“At first, we thought that it was just a question of bad luck but now we can see that we are not playing well and our confidence is lacking,” admitted Lasarte after the defeat.

Hércules, Málaga

Two home games against beatable opponents in Espanyol and Deportivo respectively but two goalless draws for the sides currently second and third from bottom of the table.

Almería

Five wins from the final seven games are probably needed by Almería to survive in la Primera. That’s not a optimistic figure as five wins is all that the bottom-of-the-table team have managed in their first 31 games.

The beard-growing, turbo-boosting weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 09:38:00 GMT

Saturday

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Real Madrid (2nd)

Some big questions sprung up in regards to Kaká’s surprise squad inclusion and subsequent appearance in Tuesday’s Champions League win over Spurs. Is the Brazilian groin-crocker back in business? Are his knee-knack troubles firmly behind him? Can he play a critical role in the season’s final run-in for Real Madrid? Has he taken away that restraining order which stopped LLL from going near his wife?

But that would be overlooking the testing topic which took up some of Marca’s time on Thursday morning - why was Kaká sporting a brand new beard? The paper suggested that it was a means of putting pressure on Gillette - one of the forward’s sponsors, with whom the Brazilian is reportedly in the process of brokering a new deal. If these negotiations take as long as many have done in the past, then Kaká may look like Moses before the t’s are dotted and the r’s crossed.

But Marca then proposed another reason for the new growth - a change of appearance leading to an improvement in fortunes for poor Kaká. “The beard is another superstition that coincides with the new deal he’s negotiating,” said the paper firmly.

LLL Prediction - Home win (yes, home win)

Barcelona (1st) v Almería (20th)

If you can’t beat them, then join them. Again. That’s the attitude of maverick Almería president Alfonso García Gabarrón, who fired his second coach of the season. The first to walk was Hugo Sánchez after Almería’s 8-0 home walloping by Barcelona in November. His replacement, José Luis Oltra, has only lasted just over four months before being axed following Almería’s loss to Athletic Bilbao on Monday night.

Taking over and leading Almería to their inevitable relegation is Roberto Olabe, who was the club’s sporting director in 2006-07 - the year that the club won promotion from la Segunda under Unai Emery.

LLL Prediction - Home win (yes, home win)

Mallorca (9th) v Sevilla (6th)

Sevilla’s immediate future looked a little less bright with the news that the eternally wonderful Freddie Kanouté is set to miss the next three weeks with a muscle tear in his leg. This departure, added to Luis Fabiano doing a bunk back to Brazil a while back, leaves Alvaro Negredo as Billy No Mates up front for Sevilla. Judging by the striker’s personality, that’s no great surprise.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Sporting (13th) v Osasuna (12th)

There’s still work to be done in Sporting’s survival campaign but they certainly enjoyed a Knight Rider style turbo boost through some empty cardboard boxes with last weekend’s win in the Santiago Bernabeu, a victory that potty-mouth, Manuel Preciado, is still being asked about.

“I had red ears,” recalls the Sporting boss on his post match memories, “I got 236 messages an hour after the game.” The moustachioed marvel also showed that the hatchet was well and truly buried with José Mourinho after their early season spat. “We were all surprised when he came into the dressing room. He didn’t say anything to us, just shook our hands and that’s it.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (18th) v Espanyol (7th)

So how did the delightful Hércules president deal with the sacking of Esteban Vigo, the manager who took the team up to the top flight and masterminded an away win over Barcelona this season? By being an a-hole, that’s how. But LLL expected little different from Valentín Botella.

When reacting to an opening win under new coach, Miroslav Djukic, Botella took the time to needlessly insult his predecessor by commenting that “if we have sacked (Vigo) sooner that would have been better”.

LLL has never wanted Espanyol to win a game so much in the blog’s life. And that’s unfortunate timing considering the Pericos are hopeless at the moment.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (11th) v Levante (10th)

From relegation certainties in January, Levante are now a side just four points from Europe, although that doesn’t say a great deal about the likes of Sevilla, Espanyol and Atlético who are currently scrapping for some of the spots available above the Valencia team.

But, it would be “mad” for the third best side in la Primera in the second half of the season to think about the Europa League, scoffs midfielder Xavi Torres.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (19th) v Deportivo (16th)

Spain’s economic crisis and its football club’s having as much financial acumen as the government of Portugal has meant money has thus far been the biggest talking point in la Liga in 2011.

One of the many teams having a few economic issues is Dull Deportivo, who are still paying the debts of the Super Deportivo days. This has left the club “on the limit” of going into administration revealed club president, Augusto Lendoiro. However “it would be a shame to (go into it) to suit ourselves,” admitted the jowly big wig. “For some clubs the law is used as an excuse to stop paying bills.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid v Real Sociedad

There was an excitement and a big buzz in and around the Vicente Calderón this week. not only did José Antonio Reyes finish his first colouring book all by himself but the club received a letter from the President and First Lady of the US of A, all the way from the New World.

LLL immediately suspected it would be a firm missive warning of air strikes in support of a UN motion condemning the team’s crimes against defending. But instead it’s a lovely thank you note from Barack and Michelle in appreciation of Atlético giving two shirts given to Sasha and Malia whilst the first family were on their holidays in Spain.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia v Villarreal

Not a bad week for Spanish teams in Europe this week. Four goals for Real Madrid, five for Barcelona and a rather impressive five for Villarreal in Thursday’s Europa League win against FC Twente. “The second leg still remains, but we took a huge step forward,” admits a still cautious Villarreal coach, Juan Carlos Garrido.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Real Zaragoza v Getafe

Getafe president Angel Torres is the blog’s hero of the week. The Coliseum crusader is tired of rival teams making no attempt whatsoever to pay their debts to other clubs for transfers and going into administration whenever the going gets too tough - all without punishment from the Spanish League who stand idly by like Luis Perea facing an attacker.

Torres has been musing over the idea of calling for the administrative relegation of Monday’s opponents, Zaragoza, over a failure to pay an installment for the transfer of forward, Ikechukwu Uche, in 2009. The Getafe president claims that he sent 10 missed calls to his Zaragoza counterpart, Agapito Iglesias, in one day asking for the cash needed to pay Getafe’s own bills.

“I’m tired that la Liga is being ruined by clubs who don’t pay their debts,” complained Torres. “This is fraud in every aspect of the law.” Zaragoza’s response was to assure in a soothing but wholly unconvincing manner that they would try to reach an agreement with Getafe. That probably doesn’t involve money.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Spurs' troubles don't concern Madridista press as Real eye Clásico semi

Tim Stannard — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 13:44:00 GMT

Tuesday certainly started well enough for Spurs fans, who made this week’s Champions League trip to the Spanish capital.

The first gaggle stumbled into Madrid’s Plaza Mayor just shy of 10.30 in the morning and settled down for a drinkie or two in the shade at a terrace table. Soon, they were joined by thousands. Perhaps millions...

When the hideously overpriced cafés and bars of Madrid’s main square were drunk dry - by about midday - the Tottenham hordes hauled cases of beer into the square and kicked off a very Spanish tradition. The ‘botellón’ is the smelly chaos that occurs when a whole bunch of (usually young) people with neither the resources nor desire to drink in a bar bring their own booze to a spot in the town centre and spend much of the night screeching out their own versions of already awful pop songs and peeing willy nilly. Along with the vomit. Oh, the vomit.

Normally, the police move in to kick the botellón participants out, but on Tuesday the Madrid plod seemed relatively happy to have the thousands of Spurs fans in one place knowing that most would be dead through heatstroke and dehydration by five.

Some twelve hours on from those first c**k-er-nee visitors kicking off the day with their late morning beer, the mood was considerably less cheery among the Tottenham posse, with Spurs having endured a disastrous evening at the Santiago Bernabeu, starting with Aaron Lennon’s reported tunnel-based tummy trouble, Emmanuel Adebayor's early goal and Peter Crouch’s 15th minute sending off.

Leader of the long faces was Harry Redknapp. At Monday’s pre-match press conference, ‘appy ‘Arry couldn’t have been chirpier. When asked what result he would accept, the Spurs boss replied: “it’s only a good night if they played well, otherwise it’s not a good night.”

A day later, Redknapp’s big glum face gave an indication of his shell-shocked state of mind after a four-zero thumping that left his side without the merest glimmer of hope of a comeback at White Hart Lane in a week’s time.

But Tottenham’s problems were of no consequence to the Madrid press, who are now spared having to drum up a “we can do it!” campaign for the second leg. “An easy thrashing for Madrid against a poor Tottenham,” scoffed Marca who had little sympathy with Spurs’s self-imposed problems.

Despite the London club not being one of the established big guns of English football, a genuine, fiery Premier League-style contest was expected in the Bernabeu - but it was not to be, with Santiago Segurola in the paper’s match report noting the “lamentable emotional state of Tottenham”

AS are most excited indeed squealing on Wednesday’s front cover that “La Décima is in sight” - Madrid’s very longstanding dream of a tenth European Cup title.

This may not be premature hyperbole if Pep Guardiola’s gloomy predictions about his side’s own quarter-final first leg clash against Shakhtar Donetsk are any indication. Aside from the pessimistic one held by Johan Cruyff, the view in Spain is that while the Ukrainian outfit will be tough opponents, the general assumption is that Barça will get through one way or another to set up a semi-final date with Madrid.

Not so, says the Dream Boys boss, who fretted in the press conference that “for the first time in the Champions League I don’t have a good feeling.” The odd snigger that LLL has heard suggests Pep is being a little hysterical ahead of the game, but the blog suspects that this message being broadcast that Shakhtar are "a great team, a super team,” is more for the ears of the players, press but most importantly of all the fans.

Catalan daily, Sport, have jumped on board the bandwagon with the front cover reminding culés that “Ladies and Gentleman, these are the quarter finals!” and to put down their bocadillos for the game and give the players a clap. “We must take care not to disrespect a rival that can cause a serious upset if you don’t play with all five senses.”

Mundo Deportivo’s message is a simple one - for simple writers and simple readers perhaps. The front page is filled by the word ‘Goals’ and little Leo Messi’s face, referring to the difficulty Barcelona have had scoring them of late, by their admittedly lofty standards - just nine in Barça’s last six games.

But despite Pep’s butterfly tummy, Barcelona should go through against Shakhtar and set up a three week mad-zone of four Clásicos, leading to footballing chaos reigning in Spain and possibly the end of the world as we know it.

Moody Mourinho looks to cure Madrid's premature ejection by beating Spurs

Tim Stannard — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 10:13:00 GMT

José Mourinho is looking mean and moody on the front cover of Monday’s edition of AS. Then again, the Madrid manager is always looking mean and moody. But in this particular photograph it looks as if Mourinho had spent the past two months living next door to The Libertines in their drug-addled pomp and is about to blast the band’s front door down with a shotgun.

Scowling, unshaven and with his arms crossed, Mourinho is being backed up on the photograph by Xabi Alonso and Alvaro Arbeloa, two former Scousers who also with arms crossed, looking stern. It’s only Ricardo Carvalho who lets the Real Madrid side down, looking sheepish to the right of the frame with a spooky grin like a pre mind-enhanced Lawnmower man.

“Don’t leave us on our own!” cries the banner in AS, in yet another attempt to get the Bernabeu to make some noise - Grooverider whistle posse and all - in the Champions League. The same approach from the marketing department was attempted before the last sixteen clash with Lyon and it seemed to work, so the club is going for it again for Tottenham’s visit.

‘Tis true that the Bernabeu can be a tough crowd for the home side in the best of times, but there is extra pressure now, due to the club’s premature ejection from the title race with the defeat against Sporting on Saturday evening.

Although the power of Florentino Pérez sees Mourinho protected from the kind of treatment dished out to Manuel Pellegrini when he failed in the Copa del Rey and Champions League last season - two crimes the Chilean is still being punished for - The Special One is very much expected to get past a beatable team like Spurs to reach the semi-finals and face Barcelona.

Yet during Monday’s press conference Mourinho claims it was Spurs who would be under the most pressure in the quarter-final clash, as Madrid have already won the title nine times compared to Tottenham’s zero.

The two times Champions League winner appears to have already moved on from Saturday’s disappointment in la Liga and reminded everyone present that it was this competition that “was the most important tournament in the world for clubs”. “How many times have you played a quarter-final?” asked Mourinho to his side-kick for the afternoon, Gonzalo Higuaín. “None” was the sheepish reply from the Argentinean who made his return to football at the weekend after five months out with a back injury.

While Mourinho was his usual tense, snappy self, Harry Redknapp couldn’t have been happier as he had his usual jolly jape with the press at the Santiago Bernabeu three hours later.

When asked about how his counterpart would react to Saturday’s loss against Sporting and the end of his 150 match unbeaten home league run, the Spurs boss couldn’t contain his glee at the notion. “He knows how the rest of us feel sometimes on Saturday night,” chuckled Redknapp, “let’s hope it’s a bad week for him.”

And the Madrid manager’s hints earlier in the day that Ronaldo won’t be fit for Tuesday night despite being in squad held no salmon for the Spurs man. “I’d be happy if he wasn’t playing, but I know he’s playing.”

The difference in the aura given off by the two managers the day before the game couldn’t have been more vast. Mourinho was closed, tense and defensive. Redknapp was relaxed, open, and more than a little dazzling with only the pressure of “playing well” the following evening on his mind.

The sentiments of their coaches could well be matched by the approaches of their sides in the quarter-final tie.

Good Day, Bad Day: Conspiracies and understated celebrations

Tim Stannard — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 13:22:00 GMT

Hold onto your hats - it's Tim Stannard's whistle-stop round-up of the weekend's action from Spain...

Good Day

Pep Guardiola

Though the coach will have to repeat the “league is not won yet, the league is not won yet” mantra pretty much every minute of every day for the next two months, Pep and the Dream Boys know that the title was moreorless sewn up, thanks to Saturday's double delight of a defeat for Madrid and a win for Barça at Villarreal in a match where a draw probably would have been a fair result.

“Barça don’t fail at key moments,” wrote Josep María Casanovas in Sport. And the columnist was right. This season Barça have beaten Villarreal at home and away, and inflicted the same on Valencia. And there was, of course, the 5-0 victory over Madrid in the Camp Nou. Just one more win in the Bernabeu in a fortnight’s time will pretty much seal the deal.

Víctor Valdés

Three great saves against Villarreal have left the Catalan press calling for Mad Víctor to take Iker Casillas’s place in Spain’s starting XI.

Roberto Soldado

A tough day for the Valencia striker, who scored four at the ground of his former club, Getafe. On the pitch, it was an easy business for the footballer but what made life difficult for Soldado was having to do the ‘hey, I’ve scored but I’m going to do a very understated, it really hurt my heart to do so’ celebration on four separate occasions.

By the end of the game, the forward had the same an expression as a vet who had just put Míchel the Manager’s favourite puppy to sleep.

Sevilla

The Andalusians' steady but sneaky climb up the table continued thanks to a 3-1 win over Zaragoza that saw Gregorio Manzano’s men move into fifth, nine points behind Villarreal.

Diego Costa

The Atleti striker has spent much of the season looking a tad too chunky, diving and not scoring goals. But Costa doubled his league tally for the campaign with a hat-trick that gave the Rojiblancos a very unexpected - by this blog, at least - 3-2 win at Osasuna and moved Atlético to within a point of the European places.

A line-up which was without the suspended Kun Agüero and had Diego Forlán’s booty parked on the bench didn’t promise that much for the visitors - especially as Raúl García was playing too - but it paid off for Atleti with Costa’s first hat-trick for the club.

“No-one really has any clue about football,” sighed Iñako Díaz-Guerra on a sentiment very much shared by La Liga Loca.

Levante

Who needs Felipe Caicedo? Certainly not Levante when they have Uruguayan genius, Stuani, in their ranks to replace the club’s injured goalscoring talisman. Stuani popped up with two to defeat Málaga 3-1 and give Levante their seventh win in ten making the club from Valencia the third best in la Primera in the second half of the season. And suddenly now only four points from the European places too! Woot woot!

Sporting

A team who were supposed to have given up in a game against Barcelona in October - according to José Mourinho, anyway - have done rather well against the Big Two this season, having taken four points from their four games against Barça and Madrid, conceding just three goals.

Sporting drew with Barcelona in El Molinón but topped that performance with a 1-0 win over Madrid in the Bernabeu - making them the first away team to have won there in nearly a year and the first side to stick one up Mourinho on his own patch in the league in 150 matches.

LLL is still not entirely sure how they managed it, but Madrid had been living dangerously at home in a number of encounters this season - such as Hércules, Mallorca, Valencia and Sevilla - with flat performances where a goal was expected by the home team rather than sought. Sporting took advantage on a night when the gods that usually watch over Real Madrid at the Santiago Bernabeu were presumably stuck in traffic.

Deportivo

A 2-1 win over Mallorca for Deportivo, but the blog finds it physically impossible to write anything nice about them. Even when they win. And score actual goals.

Royston Drenthe

The naughty Dutchman was sent home from training during the week by new Hércules coach, Miroslav Djukic, but found his way back into the Hércules good books by scoring three in Sunday’s 3-1 away win at Real Sociedad. However, it was Javier Portillo who caused the real shock of the day by a) scoring and b) scoring an away goal for Hércules, the team’s first in 1,113 minutes.

Bad Day

Real Madrid

The boxing ring of la Primera currently has more towels lying around than a 15 girl flat-share. Both Marca and AS have given up the title race with Marca’s front page on Sunday sobbing, “goodbye league, goodbye record”. The editorial in the following day’s edition is already in ‘move on’ mode with Marca penning an ode to the professionalism of Cristiano Ronaldo for his supposed insistence on playing Tuesday’s game against Spurs despite a leg injury.

AS are getting over a defeat that has left Barcelona eight points clear at the top of the table by blaming their longstanding conspiracy called ‘Villarato’ - named after the FA president, Angel Villar - a gentleman who apparently runs a campaign that orders referees to favour Barça over Madrid. And a gentleman who should probably sue, thinks La Liga Loca.

The paper’s latest grumble is that Gerard Piqué’s winning goal for Barça was handball and that Madrid should have had a number of penalties against Sporting - making it nine owed to Madrid in 2011 - but the referees all have it in for the club, apparently.

“There no doping (at Barcelona) but there’s Villarato...Barça won’t win the league because of this, but it has widened the gap.” LLL senses that AS feel that if you can’t beat ‘em, then whine.

Espanyol

Oh dear. Yet another defeat for Espanyol - a home loss to Racing - sees that side coming dangerous close to slipping out of the European places. Paul from Barcelona was there to see it happen. And he’s not happy at all...

“Still not quite sure how Espanyol lost that. I remember in the 80s when there was a campaign to “kick the professional foul out of football”. Then in the 90s we saw the “tactical foul”. Well, welcome to the Brazil 1970 of tactical, niggling and professional fouls - Racing Santander.

"How they only got three yellows is beyond me. Don’t know what the record for number of fouls committed in a match is but Racing smashed that. Pedro Munitis alone should be contacted by Norris McWhirter in the morning for “managing to avoid a booking despite committing over 50 fouls”. A new record. (LLL - that might be a bit of a shock for Pedro as Norris departed this world in 2004).

"An Osvaldo penalty - a deliberate handball in the area is a red card, is it not? - gave Espanyol the lead at HT. Then two borderline offside goals, both from corners gave Racing three points they didn’t deserve. The next time Barça fans moan about “anti-football” because a team has out-thought them tactically then wait till Racing come to town and then you will really have something to moan about for once.

Paul, Barcelona"

Real Sociedad

Still six points from the drop zone but there is danger afoot for la Real who have lost five out of the club’s last six games.

Getafe

Míchel the manager - or ‘soon to be ex-manager’ - at Getafe is certainly on the ball. After Saturday’s 2-4 home defeat to Valencia, Míchel admitted that the club’s situation “is beginning to get dangerous”. That’s a fine spot indeed, given Getafe have managed just one win in the past 14 league games.

The club’s problems are a defence that is making far too many silly mistakes and a complete lack of goals up front from Javier Arizmendi and co. It’s only Manu del Moral who has bagged five of Getafe’s last six goals that is keeping the side’s end up, as it were.

The goodwill-lacking, fight-stopping weekend Primera Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 10:34:00 GMT

Saturday

Real Madrid (2nd) v Sporting (15th)

Two things were working against Real Madrid's supposedly cunning plan to play this match on Friday in order to get extra napsies ahead of Tuesday’s visit of Spurs - not that the league said any formal request had come through, mind - the game not being confirmed until Wednesday and a probable lack of goodwill from nasty old Sporting.

In a lesson that everything eventually returns to bite you on the backside one day, there is no little tension between the managers of these two clubs after José Mourinho suggested Sporting weren’t trying in a 1-0 defeat to Barcelona at the Camp Nou earlier this season. Unfortunately there was no response from his counterpart Manuel Preciado after Madrid’s slightly less impressive 5-0 botty-smacking submission on the same ground.

The Sporting boss had originally responded to Mourinho's claims by calling the Madrid manager a scumbag and suggesting he should be sent to the stands to sit among the rowdy locals for their clash in Gijón in November. Tempers flared after Madrid’s 1-0 victory, with accusations of childish finger gesturing and bottle throwing meaning that had a request from Mordor come through for a fixture rejig, it may have been a very terse reply back. With some added swear words if the potty-mouthed Preciado was delivering it himself.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (13th) v Valencia (4th)

With Miguel Brito having only just returned to training after a spell on the naughty step for yet more practice-dodging, disco-dancing hijinks, it was the turn of Vicente to receive a slap on the wrist and a reported €6,000 fine from Unai Emery, this time for a night-spot altercation.

The permanently-crocked winger was leaving a club in the early hours of Saturday morning when it was suggested by a fellow disco patron that he was not much cop as a player these days. A friend of Vicente reportedly weighed in on his behalf and unleashed fists of fury, although the Valencia man has claimed that his only role in the kerfuffle was attempting to stop the scrap. To Vicente’s credit, he managed to be on time for training some five hours later, something that Miguel rarely manages after a big night out.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (3rd) v Barcelona (1st)

You know when the Madridista press starts moralising and finger-wagging about the behaviour of representatives of other sides - considering what José Mourinho gets up to on a regular basis - that a few chuckles are to be had.

This is what is happening on Friday with both Marca and AS up in arms over Barcelona president, Sandro Rosell, predicting that Pep’s Dream Boys would beat Madrid 5-0 in the cup final “to keep up the habit”.

“Humiliating” was the wounded response from AS at such meanie-head comments from Barça’s big wig. “If someone knows how to get something out of a game in these situations, it’s Mourinho who will paper the dressing room with these words that don’t seem appropriate for a president who has been so prudent up to now”.

If LLL’s timing is correct then Mourinho is about one hour away from speaking in Friday’s pre-Sporting press conference when he will no doubt come out with his own inappropriate response to these inappropriate comments...

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Real Sociedad (12th) v Hércules (20th)

Rather a lot has happened in the world of Hércules in the past couple of weeks. The club sacked Esteban Vigo, the manager who took them up and was charged with keeping the Alicante side in the top-flight with players who went unpaid, no permanent training facilities and without winter transfer reinforcements.

After an awful lot coaches were linked with the role, Hércules plumped for former Deportivo and Valencia player Miroslav Djukic on a nine match contract, although he has not yet been given a license to sit on the bench due to Hércules’ debts with former players.

The Serbian’s first trick to keep his new side up has been the usual routine of extra training sessions, harsher discipline and sending Royston Drenthe home on Tuesday after the Dutchman turned up to practice 20 minutes late. “Out of the seven sessions I’ve had here,” complained the former Serbia U-21 boss, “Drenthe has been late for four”.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (5th) v Racing Santander (14th)

Despite stories of players remaining unpaid at Racing from the former regime and broken promises over when the debts will be paid, the club’s colourful new owner, Ali Syed, has kept a very low profile indeed over the past few weeks. Ever since the publication of stories in Spain concerning allegations of fraud against him. Funny that.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (10th) v Málaga (18th)

A couple of months ago Levante’s survival hopes were as slim as a rump steak's in Maniche’s fridge - but that was before a five man defence, frenzied midfield and the goals of Felipe Caicedo dragged the Valencia club into mid-table and left them probably needing just two more victories from their last nine games.

The slight hitch this weekend is that Caicedo is out of action with the on-loan Manchester City man having injured himself in the victory against Deportivo with a muscle tear. This is why the club have sent the forward to a clinic for oxygen therapy - probably costing the last few pennies Levante had to pay the gas bill till the end of the season - in a bid to get Caicedo back in time for Sunday’s visit of Málaga, a fine chance to pick up one of those much-needed wins.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (16th) v Mallorca (9th)

You think the small matter of boring the world to tears with goalless draws and eight man defences, not to mention relegation is going to bother Deportivo boss, Miguel Angel Lotina? You do? Well, think again, amigo, as you’re wrong, wrong wrong.

That’s because Lotina is “a manager who is like a sponge, he learns from tough situations,” according to his coach who also doubles as a psychotherapist, Joaquín Dosil. LLL would suggest that he has certainly learned a lot this season, then.

LLL Prediction - Draw (of the goalless variety)

Sevilla (7th) v Zaragoza (17th)

Joaquín Caparrós is still the name being touted to take over from Gregorio Manzano at the end of the season, despite a revival from Sevilla that sees the Andalusian side with just one defeat in six and about to pounce on the failing and flailing Espanyol just one point above them. However, club president, José María Del Nido, is keeping mum and seeing where Sevilla end up in May. “Until the league is over, we’re not going to say anything,” claimed the top Señor of the Sánchez Pizjuán.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (11th) v Atlético Madrid (8th)

Need a Friday giggle to help kick off the weekend? Then how about the comments from Atleti captain, Antonio López, who claims that his infamously flimsy club's visit to a side who have only been beaten once at home in the league this season is a match where “we have to show the effort and spirit Atlético Madrid has always had out on the field. We have to go for the three points. We can’t fail.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Almería (19th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)

Scheduling Almería against Athletic Bilbao on a Monday night at the same time as the season-opening, Stockholm-based hate-fest that is Djurgården against AIK? What was the LFP thinking? Only one game to be watching on Monday night. And it isn’t in Spain.

LLL Prediction - Home win

“Hay Liga!” as Spain’s stoppage is called off

Tim Stannard — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 12:18:00 GMT

“Hay Liga!” “The league is on!” cried the hat-throwing, joyous press in the Spanish capital on Wednesday morning. Normally that clarion call is reserved for when Real Madrid get to within 20 points of Barcelona at the top of the table, but this time it was meant in its most literal sense - there will be football this weekend after all.

When the Spanish League (LFP) called a 'postponement’ on this weekend’s round of games - shoving the back end of la Primera's timetable into June in the process - it seems that those behind this batty scheme aimed at forcing the government into making every game pay-per-view failed to consider three basic questions: Do the fans support the move? Do all the clubs in the league support the move? Is it legal?

The answer to all three of these conundrums was a big fat 'no'. The response from supporters of all clubs on message boards and on the Twitter-sphere has been one of annoyance (mixed with tired resignation at the idiots running their sport), considering plans were being messed up by forcing the final round of la Primera to take place three weeks after the second to last one, not to mention shifting the Clásico to Easter when many potential ticket holders would be heading to the coasts for some holidays.

Whilst the Big Boys remained quiet on the affair, Real Sociedad, Athletic Bilbao, Zaragoza, Espanyol, Sevilla and Villarreal were less reticent and challenged the LFP’s decision in the courts on Tuesday. A day later judge Purificación Pujol Capilla rejected the legality of the stoppage, forcing the LFP to surrender and allow this weekend’s games to resume as normal.

“Football only sells passion, if we kill people’s passion then we’re going to kill football,” said Villarreal Delegate Councillor, José Manuel Llaneza, after the decree was made.

The LFP have now published the fixture list for the weekend giving clubs and fans a whole three to four days to make their necessary plans for the next round of matches, but LLL imagines that the organisation will be falling into an enormous sulk at what has been an abject failure on their part.

The LFP’s VP, José María Cruz, already handed in his resignation on Tuesday night, and LLL would like to see everyone else there falling on their swords too. The problem is, with their utter incompetency, they’d all probably miss...

NEWS: Court blocks La Liga's TV cash strike

Spain pack their bucket and spade for a trip to...a potato field

Tim Stannard — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:18:00 GMT

“Potato field” is the en vogue phrase in Spain this week, along with the usual vulgarities about one’s mother and an unmentionable act involving a bowel release and a glass of milk that pepper day-to-day life.

The agricultural theme relates to the pitch poor old Spain are being forced to play on in Kaunas in the World Cup winner’s Euro 2012 qualifier against Lithuania. La Furia Roja - a bit less furia these days since they won everything - are looking to make it five wins from five in their qualifying group with a victory boost in the Baltics.

Unfortunately though, their plans could be thwarted by a pitch that is fundamentally an ankle-snapping, hole-filled sand pit with a few blades of grass clinging on desperately like strands of hair to Pep Guardiola’s head.

Having trained in the stadium on Monday, the Spanish squad were able to confirm the accuracy of images that had been playing on the TV sports news over the weekend showing the pitch for Tuesday’s clash was far from ideal, with Alvaro Arbeloa tweeting that his kit was ready for the game and posting a picture of a bucket and spade.

Despite a campaign in the Spanish press calling for the game to be postponed, the match referee after an inspection decided that the pitch was good enough to hold the qualifier. “UEFA are not bothered as their nice hotel is a sea of luxury,” grumbled Alfredo Relaño, editor of AS.

Del Bosque denied his prize-winning potato crop were genetically modified

Vicente Del Bosque who tends to avoid controversy where possible even noted that the pitch was horrendous. “It’s not good for them nor for us,” and hinted that the usual fancy-pants passing style of Spain might be abandoned for the evening in favour of something more....English. But with accuracy. “If at one moment, we can’t play it short, we’ll play a long ball. We have the footballers for that as well,” said the Spain boss.

This is why Fernando Llorente is widely expected to start the Lithuania game supported in a front three by Santi Cazorla and David Villa. Other predicted big changes are Javi Martínez standing in for Sergio Busquets and his Athletic Bilbao team-mate Andoni Iraola taking the right-back berth.

Strangely there hasn’t been a whole lot of fretting and fussing in the Spanish press about squad-rotation and overworking the poor footballing lambs like there is in England - partly because the Spanish press don't have the same spiteful, personal vendetta against Del Bosque as their English counterparts seem to have towards Fabio Capello - but also because, technically-speaking, all the Spain-based players are about to enjoy a free weekend anyway.

With just four days till round 30 of la Primera, there is still uncertainty over whether the League’s ‘postponement’ of this weekend’s round will take place, as six clubs have gone to court to claim that what they see as a strike is quite illegal and will cause carnage and chaos to the end of the season run-in. Not to mention give Villarreal just two days to prepare for a clash against Barcelona because of Europa League commitments next Thursday.

The judge making the decision heard both cases on Tuesday and will announce his verdict on Wednesday morning after a hefty lunch and a siesta or four.

LLL feels that if this week’s matches do eventually take place - and this blog predicts that they will - then the fans of those teams who supported the strike should boycott the clashes.

After all, if their clubs were happy to show such contempt for their wishes and needs, then the only polite thing to do is to return the favour and help increase Spanish football’s debt just that little bit more by voting with their wallets.

The Rebirth and Near Death of Rayo Vallecano

Tim Stannard — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 11:48:00 GMT

Police helicopters buzzing about; beer-fueled fans pouring through the turnstiles; TV cameras squeezed onto the narrow strip of grass separating the pitch and stands - Rayo Vallecano's Estadio Teresa Rivero was certainly the place to be in Madrid late on Sunday night.

The weekend break for la Primera meant that the Segunda division clash between Betis and Rayo in Vallecas - a working-class suburb nine metro stops and fifteen minutes south of Sol station in the centre of Madrid - was the Big One. It was the match that Canal Plus had chosen for their prime-time extravaganza, the game between two fallen giants of la Liga trying desperately to clamber back towards the bright lights like a mono-winged moth.

But as well as being a tight tussle between the two sides occupying the two slots at the top of the table, the game was also a charity match - the twist being that while both sets of players were playing for free, no-one could be entirely sure where the proceeds would end up.

Despite being Spain’s top second-tier teams and favourites for a return to la Primera, Rayo and Betis are both financial basket cases. The club from Seville, who dropped out of the top-flight in 2009, are in Spain’s equivalent of administration and it is still unclear who owns the club due to the murky business dealings of their downright scary former president, Manuel Ruiz de Lopera.

In fact, Betis are so cash-strapped that it is relying on collections from supporters to help pay for the cancer treatment required by former Liverpool defender, Miki Roqué, to remove a tumour from his pelvis.

Rayo are in also in deep trouble, with the club having only sporadically paid their players’ salaries - which given their second tier status aren't likely to be extravagantly high anyway. Midfielder, Javi Fuego, revealed that he has only been paid twice in the past nine months.

The Vallecas club’s problem is incompetent owners. In this case the Nueva Rumasa group who suspended payments to clients at the end of February due to debts reported to total around €700 million. The company is owned by José María Ruiz-Mateos - a truly appalling ‘businessman’ who was sentenced to three years in prison in 2005 for fraud and tax evasion.

These were the charges he was found guilty of in the 1980s when the first incarnation of Rumasa was shut down by the Spanish government due to debt and unpaid bills. And these are the charges that the Ruiz-Mateos empire which includes his 13 children are facing again.

Players have tried visiting his estate, wearing t-shirts calling for solutions and petitioning his batty wife Teresa Rivero, who is the club president - her delightful husband had to pull a swift financial trick and put the club into her hands as his reputation was less than clean - but the only response from Rivero was the claim that the players weren’t trying hard enough in their promotion campaign and that her husband is "a man of his word”.

Supporters have also being trying to force Ruiz-Mateos to sell up and leave Vallecas. Fans have formed a human chain around the stadium, ripped the ‘Teresa Rivero’ letters from the front of the ground that takes her name, held up a banner portraying Ruiz-Mateos as a mafia godfather and even formed a convoy to the family home in the posh part of Madrid. But so far, nothing has worked and the players have had to keep playing knowing that the only realistic chance of ever being paid is to win promotion.

Using the national coverage of the game, the players walked out onto the pitch on Sunday night carrying a “Rayo Vallecano Solutions Now!” banner with the fans backing their campaign with a red card protest on the 15th minute and 60th minute mark.

The club’s Ultra group had done their bit to hit the headlines too, but not exactly in a helpful manner. LLL popped out of the metro exit outside the front of the stadium to see a helicopter buzzing over ahead and gun-clutching, riot police looking very menacing indeed. Not that surprising as it turned out, as minutes before a police car had been set on fire by home hooligans in an overspill of clashes between Rayo and Betis Ultras.

However, there was no trouble inside the stadium during the game, despite the fences around the ground having been taken down during the week for the first time in 34 years. Instead, the atmosphere inside the three-sided stadium was electric, with the Rayo Ultra group showing their rare-in-Spain Marxist leanings by unfurling a banner condemning the “imperialist war in Libya.”

“We saw a Vallecas without fences with just a low wall, supporting the team like never before,” was the praise from manager, José Ramón Sandoval after the game.

The clash itself was as tense as was to be expected, with Rayo starting the encounter just one point behind Betis at the top of the table. The home side had the best of the chances in the first half with the visitors reversing the pattern in the second.

However, it was a 65th minute strike from Piti that gave Rayo the victory and meant that the forward had a long night of TV and radio interviews to face in the club’s cramped press area.

There are still eleven games to go until the end of the season in la Segunda, but Rayo now have a six point lead over third-placed Celta in a division where the top two go up with a third team winning promotion through a new play-off system.

The players and coach Jose Ramon Sandoval know that events off the field are out of their hands. Word on the street in Madrid is that a takeover could be in the offing, but striking a deal could prove tricky thanks to the opaque business dealings of the Ruiz-Mateos family. All Rayo can do is pick up the wins required to return the side to la Primera after an eight year absence and reward the club’s 12,000 members and other supporters who left ‘sold out’ signs plastered all over the ground on Sunday night.

Rayo supporters are looking to return to the top flight and win back the title of Madrid’s third team - a label pinched by Getafe in recent years. With so many stadiums in la Primera made sterile by apathetic supporters - Getafe included - Spanish football needs the passion and verve of a reborn Rayo Vallecano.

On Sunday night, the club took a huge step towards making that happen.

Seven thousand suits to see Spain in yet another finger-flip to football fans

Tim Stannard — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 10:25:00 GMT

With no definitive answer given as to whether or not next weekend's Primera matches will be called off thanks to a strike, the fact the fixtures have now been assigned referees is at least some progress.

It will certainly be of great help to supporters who still don’t know if their teams' matches will take place and if they do, on which day the games will kick-off. However, they do now know which busy-body, card-happy official will be ruining each game, should they actually go ahead. And that’s crucial...

Then again, all this is no real surprise as football supporters would be delighted to even be treated with disdain or perhaps a tiny bit of contempt by those in charge of the Spanish game. That would at least suggest a smidgen of acknowledgement.

The complete lack of concern for the interests of fans was shown quite clearly during a debate on the proposed ‘stoppage’ - the Spanish League (LFP) get all flustered if you call it a ‘strike’ - on Spanish radio station, Cadena Ser, who had gathered together representatives of the league, government, clubs and players but without a single voice to speak on behalf of the supporters. Heck, the disruption it would cause the fans wasn’t even mentioned once.

As per LLL's Wednesday rant, the situation remains unchanged in that there will be no football next weekend, as the LFP want the government to scrap a law from 1997 that allows one match per weekend to be broadcast for free.

The government’s response is that this is a teenie bit cheeky, with Secretary of Sport Jaime Lissavetsky pointing out that Spanish football clubs owe the tax man nearly €700 million and that the government have been very lenient about collecting it.

The response from the LFP is that if each week's ‘free’ televised game is switched to Pay Per View, this money will suddenly be paid back - which is complete nonsense really. But then again, nothing else should be expected from the LFP which, at least according to Villarreal vice president José Manuel Llaneza, is “in the hands of people whose aim is to make themselves rich.”

Llaneza’s club is still one of six leading the charge to prevent the strike from going ahead and is challenging the stoppage in the courts. It’s with good reason too, as if the strike goes ahead Villarreal’s clash with Barcelona will take place on Saturday April 9th, just two days after the team’s Europa League game against FC Twente. No real wonder then, that Barça are quite happy for the stoppage to occur.

The whole sorry mess was perhaps best summed up by Real Sociedad boss Martín Lasarte who observed that “the organisation of the Spanish League is like that of a third world country.”

Further proof of this lament came with the news that no action will be taken against Atlético Madrid in response to the racist abuse of Marcelo and Lassana Diarra in Saturday’s derby at the Vicente Calderón. The FA’s 'Anti-Violence Commission' was unable to act as the incidents didn’t appear in either the referee’s report or that of the security co-ordinator, therefore nothing officially happened.

But that's not the end of the incompetence and downright grubbiness in the Spanish game. The national team's match with the Czech Republic on Friday is to be played in Granada, a perfectly lovely place to see a game of football and spend an evening, but perhaps not the best venue for a high-profile game considering the Estadio Nuevo Los Cármenes holds just under 17,000, with 7,000 of those seats being occupied by the backsides of the FA, their buddies and sponsors.

One thing LLL can be quite sure of is that someone, somewhere high up the food chain in Spanish football is going to benefit from the decision to host the World Cup winners in a minuscule stadium and once again, it’s a big ‘up yours’ to the football fan in the process.

Why a strike could force the Spanish season to run deep into June

Tim Stannard — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 11:58:00 GMT

It’s as if the head of the Spanish league woke up one morning and thought, “Hey! La Liga already has a well-deserved reputation for being run by a cretinous bunch of feckless, incompetent, douche-nozzles, but I don’t think we’ve really tried hard enough in recent times to be truly inept.”

Well, the president of the LFP, José Luis Astiazarán is certainly looking to right that wrong by calling for a suspension of the round of matches scheduled for the weekend of April 2 and 3 - a stoppage that would see la Primera finishing the season on 11th June, some three weeks later than planned.

The root cause of the LFP taking such dramatic, not to mention ludicrous, action is cash - and it is supported by the Spanish FA. The Spanish League want the government to end the legal requirement of one game a week being broadcast for free to punters, a move that would supposedly bring in more income to the league’s coffers. The LFP also want the government to allow them a bigger share in betting and lottery revenue.

In what is fundamentally a self-serving cause, the LFP and RFEF appear quite willing to ruin the Spain’s end of season run-in which is shaping up to be a stormer as well as cause carnage to the plans of the country’s football fans.

Then again, this is hardly abnormal behaviour from organisations that oversee a competition which only two teams can win, along with a Copa del Rey designed to weed out smaller sides from the off.

And that’s not even mentioning the pair consistently ignoring evidence that matches are fixed; tolerating financially insolvent clubs that can’t pay their players; overseeing a laughably lax drugs-testing process, overlooking the racist abuse of footballers - as happened in the Vicente Calderón on Saturday, and being incapable of scheduling football matches more than one week in advance.

Astiazarán threatens that, unless there are “significant advances” in talks with the government, the weekend in question will be postponed with the calendar being shifted along seven days - a giant middle finger to supporters in Spain and from other countries who may already have made travel plans to see their teams. This includes some 2000 Sporting fans who still don’t know if their clash with Real Madrid next weekend will take place on Friday or Saturday.

The knock-on effect of the move will see fixture chaos. La Primera is currently scheduled to end on the 22nd May, a week before the Champions League final. If neither Real Madrid or Barcelona are in that final then the last round of matches will have to be pushed back to the 11th June as there are international matches taking place before that.

Villarreal, Málaga, Athletic Bilbao, Real Sociedad, Sevilla, Zaragoza and Espanyol are the seven clubs that have come out against the proposal lead by the LFP but failed to overturn the league’s decision to strike in the most recent meeting held to discuss the issue.

“It will be a disaster,” said a dismayed Fernando Roig, president of Villarreal, who claimed that he would do everything to make sure their clash against Barcelona still goes ahead despite the official strike. “We will ask for a referee and a kick-off time. We’re not going to do something crazy but we will if all other possibilities run out.”

Roig's stance was supported by Real Sociedad president, Jokin Aperribay, who promised that "La Real will not strike, we'll wait until they fix the date and time and come to Anoeta to play."

The single positive sign in another depressing episode for the game in Spain is that there are some people involved in the sport who are still in possession of all their faculties. The trouble is that those who are most important seem to have already lost theirs some time ago.

Good Day, Bad Day: Sun loungers, lucky bunnies & outlandish insinuations

Tim Stannard — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:49:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Barcelona

An awful week off the pitch with the news of Eric Abidal and the outlandish insinuations of doping coming from the direction of the Spanish capital came to a relatively happy end with a 2-1 win over Getafe.

It was a match that appeared to fit a similar pattern at the Camp Nou of late - Barça creating oodles of chances but missing pretty much all of them. However, swings and roundabouts and all the kings men suggest that this iffy run in front of goal will end sooner rather than later and Barça will be back with the Almería / Real Madrid-style thrashings.

Real Madrid

After the 479th win in a row over Atlético Madrid, tis true that José Mourinho looked like he was about to sleep for a week as he confessed after the game, but it wasn’t the same for his players according to LLL’s comparatively untrained eyes, a team who looked fairly sprightly throughout the encounter despite the Madrid boss commentating they were all quite knackered.

Then again, all Mourinho’s men had to do was the usual in these derby affairs - turn up, start the game the strongest, score after about ten minutes, let Atlético miss a few chances, score again, let Atlético largely give up until a late goal and a desperate rally in the final few seconds.

Villarreal

It was a very 'Athletic Bilbao' goal that gave Villarreal a most unexpected win in the Basque country - a towering header from Marco Ruben from a cross.

Ivan Rakitic

A lovely strike from the Sevilla midfielder bags a victory against Valencia and continues Sevilla’s decent form that sees them a near certainty for a European spot next season, especially in light of a fading fast Espanyol just one point above them.

Mallorca

The immediate reaction to all but perhaps 20,000 people in the world to a titanic clash between Mallorca vs Zaragoza is probably a giant ‘whatever’ and that 'talk to the hand' gesture that the kids are so keen on these days.

Michael Laudrup certainly cared though. Before the game, the Mallorca coach was bigging up what looked like a wholly uninteresting affair as possibly the club’s biggest match of the season. And after a 1-0 win thanks to a Jonathan De Guzman free kick, the blog can see where great Dane was coming from.

The victory puts Mallorca in ninth with 38 points and reclining legs akimbo on a footballing sun lounger going into the international break. “We have a two week rest and we are much closer to surviving,” beamed Laudrup rubbing sunblock into Dudu Aouate’s shoulders.

Levante

Admirable, brilliant, inspirational - repeat to fade. Levante’s Champions League form - only bettered by Real Madrid and Barcelona at the moment - sees the Valencia club picking up a sixth win from nine against Deportivo and perhaps needing just six more points to stay up this season.

Osasuna

The Pamplona side broke their lamentable record this season of just one league away win before the Hércules clash by doubling their tally in a fairly surprising 4-0 victory on the east coast.

Miguel de las Cuevas

The Sporting midfielder was a very lucky bunny indeed having poked away a huge winner for his club against Almería, with the referee failing to notice the player controlling the ball with his arm.

Rondón

Three goals in back-to-back wins for Málaga from the big fella lifts the money-bags club off the bottom of the table and just one point from safety. That revival that everyone was expecting from Málaga looks like it is finally kicking in.

BAD DAY

Valencia

The performance from the Mestalla men was such that Unai Emery was correct with his pre-match prediction that 4-0 defeat to Zaragoza, last week, was “a disaster, but over,” as Valencia had more than enough chances to beat Sevilla on Sunday night. Instead, it was an outstanding display from the sometimes flakey Javi Varas who pulled off five show-stopping saves that lead to Sevilla’s 1-0 win.

However, those two defeats to Zaragoza and now Sevilla have seen Villarreal make up the ground lost against Valencia after their own wobble a few weeks back.

Atlético Madrid

LLL was in the stands for the Rojiblancos’ fine performance two weeks ago to defeat Villarreal in a game where Diego Forlán, José Antonio Reyes and Filipe Luis were dominant. There was naff all on display from the trio on Saturday with Madrid largely snuffing out any threat on the wings and the Uruguayan fairly anonymous once again.

Teixeira Vitienes

Apparently the referee for the Madrid derby didn’t hear the racist chants from sections of the Atlético support - or he didn’t really care - meaning that no action can be taken by the Spanish FA against the Vicente Calderón club as punishment. The Rojiblancos themselves apparently failed to hear it either as there wasn’t an appeal over the stadium PA system calling for the crowd to end their abuse of the Madrid pair.

Míchel

Pep Guardiola was being very kind indeed - or not noticing what happens to most of the poor sods on the bench at the Santiago Bernabeu after a season or two (if they’re lucky) - with his prediction that “one day sooner or later, Míchel will end up managing Real Madrid,” as the current Getafe boss has now racked up just the one victory in 2011 to leave the mighty blues on the edge of the relegation battle.

Ahsan Ali Syed

His side, Racing Santander, may have won but their owner who has faced a whole stack of stories concerning allegations of corruption was a big no-show at Sunday’s 2-1 victory over Real Sociedad.

Deportivo

Curses! Once again Miguel Angel Lotina’s cunning plan to get a goalless draw for Deportivo was ruined by the pesky opposition scoring a goal. This week it was Levante grabbing a winner in injury time with Rubén Suárez squeezing a free kick past a hapless Daniel Aranzubía.

Apathetic and grey were the words used by AS and Marca respectively to describe the home side’s performance in the 1-0 defeat in Riazor. And that was both papers being polite.

Esteban Vigo

Although LLL feels for Hércules coach, Esteban Vigo, who was fired on Sunday night after a 4-0 home defeat by Osasuna as it wasn’t his fault the Alicante club is run by idiots, the blog is still chuffed by the news as the move probably pushes Hércules another step towards relegation.

The onion-clutching, match-fixing weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 11:47:00 GMT

Saturday

Real Mallorca (9th) v Zaragoza (16th)

A bit of a sobering start to this week’s previews until the usual trivial, gossiping nonsense kicks off with a report of the press conference given on Wednesday by Mallorca’s Japanese footballer, Akihiro Ienaga.

The midfielder, who joined the club in the winter transfer window, was speaking to the press about the terrible times being suffered by his country this week and reported with relief that “my friends and family were out of danger but so many people are missing and that’s worrying.”

“My team-mates, the technical staff and the club employees have all been concerned and have given me their support. Everyone in Spain is with Japan and my way of showing gratitude is to do what I know how to do, and that’s play football,” declared Aki.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Getafe (11th)

It would be fair to say that Míchel the Manager is merely tolerated by Getafe president, Angel Torres, rather than liked or even supported from time to time. For that reason the future of Míchel in the Getafe dogout is still in doubt, with the former Rayo coach’s contract up at the end of the season.

The fact that Getafe have lost the plot completely in 2011 - with just the single win in the league - certainly hasn’t helped Míchel’s case and this is why many are putting two and two together, possibly for once making four by linking Luis Enrique with the Getafe job next season.

The Barcelona ‘B’ boss has done a fine job at the Camp Nou club’s cantera side with the young Pep-pampered punks sitting in fourth spot in the second division, but Enrique has announced that he will be leaving in June after three seasons in charge.

Getafe is rumoured to be his next destination, however Bernardo Schuster walking out on Besiktas means that the sullen mustachioed one may also be wanting to return to a club he managed between 2005 and 2007 before taking the ill-fated decision to run the good ship Real Madrid and be subsequently fired a few months after winning the league.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid v Real Madrid

Fresh from what Marca claimed was a performance of “absolute superiority” against Lyon, Real Madrid now head to the Vicente Calderón where there are no signs at all of a curse, as Madrid have experienced in the Champions League last 16 stages.

Indeed, the Santiago Bernabeu club positively flourish like flowers in cow poo in Atlético’s charitable home with the Rojiblanco having won just three games in this particular league fixture since the 1983-84 season.

To make matters worse, Atlético have already been beaten three times by Madrid this year - once in the league and twice in the Copa del Rey. Still, it is every Atlético Madrid player’s duty to talk up the club’s chances on Saturday night, even Diego Forlán who once again used a metaphorical foghorn to call on clubs around the world to get him out of the Spanish capital. “Every bad run is broken, it’ll happen one day,” said the Uruguayan hopefully.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Sporting (17th) v Almería (18th)

At last! A footballer who stands alongside the blog is its campaign against idiot footballers whose teams are in trouble trotting out the “we’ve got 87, 14, 8 finals left.” That great man is Sporting’s Roberto Canella who claims that Sunday’s relegation-themed clash against Almería is just another game.

“A final is something you play and you win or lose. If we lose we still have opportunities to make amends. I don’t like to talk about finals as there is still a long way to go,” claimed the fantastic Sporting fullback. “Ten games are a lot of points.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (19th) v Osasuna (13th)

Amazingly, the dunderheads running Hércules have realised that not having a training ground, failing to pay your players and having the president publicly insult top players, as has been done with Royston Drenthe on a number of occasions means that relegation is very much on the horizon for the Alicante club. And deservedly so, too.

This is why Hércules have decide to leap on the Levante bandwagon and will be organising their own marketing campaign to get fans behind the team to help the players make the necessary corrections to mistakes currently being made during games. LLL likes to think of it as Hércules getting out of trouble with a campaign of ‘match-fixing’.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (15th) v Real Sociedad (10th)

Marca have being doing a fine job of probing away at the curious dealings of Racing’s new owner, Ali Syed, and the various accusations of fraud that have arisen over the past few weeks, especially in Australia.

“It isn’t easy to read the reports,” admitted Racing president, Francisco Pernía, However it seems that he couldn’t really give two hoots where Ali Syed’s money came from to buy out the club and pay off its debts. “Australia is far away. I don’t know the situation so in this case I believe what he says.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Málaga (20th) v Espanyol (5th)

As befitting a club with billionaire benefactors, Málaga have come up with a less than novel way of getting their players to win football matches to get them off the bottom of the table - paying them even more.

According to AS, the club will pay the squad €40,000 per point managed if Málaga manage to stay up and between €80,000 and €100,000 if the side reach a tally of 45.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (14th) v Levante (12th)

It’s been another week of morose, miserable moaning from Deportivo coach Miguel Angel Lotina who has been busy beavering away on his grand plans on how to grind out another goalless draw at the weekend.

One thing the King of La Coruña hasn’t been doing is mulling over his contract, which runs out at the Galician club - to great relief to its fans no doubt - at the end of the season. “I’ll work until 30th June as if I was carrying on,” intoned Lotina.

LLL Prediction - Goalless Draw

Athletic Bilbao (6th) v Villarreal (4th)

A very handy Thursday night indeed from Villarreal with a 2-1 win over Bayern Leverkusen giving the Yellow Submarine a 5-3 aggregate win over the German side. What’s more Liverpool and Manchester City managed to get themselves knocked out, hopefully giving Villarreal a clear path to Europa League glory. Oh yes.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Sevilla (7th)

Two teams with two players (one ex, now) who came up with a whole big bag of incomprehensible kaka this week. First up was Luis Fabiano who spent his six year existence at Sevilla whining, complaining and telling the press that he wanted nothing more than to out of the Andalusian city

The Brazilian striker got his wish with a move to Sao Paolo which triggered a farewell press conference with peeled onion in hand to blub and bluster about distressing it was to be leaving. “I’m going back to Brazil but my goals aren’t coming with me, they’ll be forever with Sevilla,” bulls***ed the forward

Another player telling porkies was Ricardo Costa. The defender was pulled off - as it were - in the first half of Valencia’s 4-0 defeat at Zaragoza last week, causing the Portuguese stopper to afford himself a little smile and shake at the head, that definitely wasn’t a non-verbal comment on the managerial abilities of Unai Emery. Oh no.

Apparently Ricardo was merely responding to questions from his teammates on whether he was injured. And nothing more. “This is why I smiled, telling them I had no problem but that it was a bet from the coach.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Madrid look to Bernabeu crowd to help prevent continuation of Last 16 curse

Tim Stannard — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 15:11:00 GMT

There’s a whiff of something stinky in the air in Madrid - and this time it’s not the illegally high levels of air pollution in the atmosphere. Well, it is but there is something more. It’s the dank whiff caused of millions of fluttery tummies, with Real Madrid just hours away from kicking-off against Lyon in the last-16 Champions League - the exact stage at which the club has suffered from ‘performance issues’ over the last six seasons.

In theory, it should be a doddle for the Legions of Mordor in the Santiago Bernabeu. Madrid have won 21 from 21 games in their own stadium this season and have an away goal from the 1-1 draw in France three weeks ago. What’s more, Cristiano Ronaldo remains a doubt until the last minute meaning that the home side may be able to defeat their cheese-eating surrender monkey opponents through team-work and passing rather than hacking frustrated, aimless shots at the Lyon goal from 65 yards.

This nervousness is perhaps why Real Madrid have launched a “You Have to Play Too!” campaign to get the notoriously noisy fans doing something more than mumble and moan for 90 minutes, although LLL would suggest the alternative title of “Our Imminent Failure in the Champions League Last Sixteen Stages for the Seventh Year Running is Your Failure Too!”

“After six years failing in the last sixteen, it’s impossible not to be a bit worried,” began Wednesday’s match preview in AS.

Marca’s editorial is just as nervy writing that “the Champions is a religion for Madridismo and has its liturgy which will begin with a full Bernabeu.”

The paper is very much following the Madrid party line by imploring/begging what could be rain-soaked supporters that “today more than ever the Bernabeu has to be behind the Mou Team.”

This has been the theme of José Mourinho’s last two press conferences with the Madrid manager pointing out that the home crowd was a quiet one and that he still hadn’t “seen the Bernabeu playing.” The good news for the 80,000 at the game is that should they ever participate in a Madrid match then Marca will probably give them a goal in their Pichichi table, just for the hell of it.

Away from the topic of Wednesday’s game, the doping kerfuffle from the previous two days has died down, with lawyers from Barcelona and Valencia studying transcripts and thumbing through law books to see if any crime has been committed by a Cadena COPE radio journalist who had claimed someone high up within Real Madrid had told him that the club would be appealing to the Spanish FA for tighter doping controls in the game.

But this supposed scoop, which broke on Sunday night, nonetheless means LLL must for once doth its cap to Marca as the affair coincided with the end of an in depth four part study by the paper reporting that anti-doping controls in la Liga were in a shocking state - a report that handily prepared the ground for this week’s polemic.

“It’s a combat...that has the intensity and toughness of a luxury holiday in the Bahamas,” wrote Antonio García Ferreras in Monday’s edition, the former Director of Communications in the first presidential era of Florentino Pérez.

The blog agrees wholeheartedly with a letter from José Luis Carrasco from Albacete published in Friday’s edition congratulating Marca for their study that “reinforces the confidence and credibility in journalism and in this publication, in these times where it is hard to find media that is not manipulated and offers objective information.”

With Marca being ahead of the game as far as the week's hot topic is concerned, you can be sure Real Madrid fans will hope the paper’s confidence in their team's chances of progression against Lyon on Wednesday evening is just as well-placed.

Barca and Valencia move swiftly to deny doping allegations

Tim Stannard — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:55:00 GMT

La Liga Loca will begin today’s ramblings with five words likely to have those legal eagles at FourFourTwo HQ spitting their afternoon coffee and crumpets rather spectacularly over their computer screens: Real Madrid. Barcelona. Valencia. Doping.

Rather than the usual b*tch-fights and hair pulling sessions in regards to referees, the FA, UEFA or the Pope favouring Real Madrid over Barcelona (or vice versa), one Spanish radio station has decided to really push the boat out and flirt dangerously with the idea of drugs being behind the rise and fall of Valencia in the early part of the last decade and the current rise and rise and rise (and rise) of Barcelona.

On Sunday night, a journalist for Cadena COPE claimed that a senior Señor within Real Madrid had revealed that the club had gone to the Spanish FA to call for more stringent drug testing processes than currently exist, with the insinuation being that Barcelona may be more than just a club in their medical department too.

“It was a director at a high level,” claimed COPE’s Juan Antonio Alcalá, who said the next day that he himself didn’t believe the insinuations from the unnamed party who has apparently gone to ground but that “if there’s someone at Madrid who believes it and tells me I think my obligation as a journalist is to repeat it.”

Understandably, pretty much everything has hit the fan in Spanish football since the story broke, with Barcelona and Valencia both releasing sternly-worded statements expressing their outrage at the story and threatening legal action.

A statement on Barcelona's website read: "In response to the grave insinuations broadcast on Sunday night on the Cadena Cope radio station, FC Barcelona wishes to publically express its total indignation at these unfounded references which link the Club to doping practices and to condemn such attitudes, which have nothing to do with fair play and gravely affect the image of sporting competition."

Valencia, meanwhile, expressed their "indignation at the information broadcast by COPE." Adding that "Valencia has asked for a rectification and is studying legal action. The club won its titles between 1999 and 2008 due to the great work of its players, coaches, leaders, employees and the support of its fans."

Even Gerard Piqué, who was at a sponsors event on Monday, was dragged into the matter warning that anyone who puts the words Barcelona and doping together are “playing with fire.” “We only take vitamins that our nutritionist prescribes,” was the response from the Barça defender, before he went on to discuss more important business such as the greatness of Mango clothes and snogging Shakira.

Spain’s Minister of Sport, Jaime Lissavetsky, has also poo-pooed the suggestion that doping is rife in football, claiming - somewhat laughably considering the scandals currently surrounding the country’s cyclists and athletes - that Spain is "at the forefront of this fight [against doping]. Our football is clean.” He also denied that there had been any contact from any club about drug procedures.

That maybe the case but LLL would counter that no-one really knows if football is clean or not after Marca published a rather damning study last week arguing that the game’s drug-testing procedures were woeful, claiming that only two games from la Primera and la Segunda are picked for testing each weekend, and only on a Sunday as there isn’t the budget to cover Saturday matches. “It’s a exercise in inefficiency and sloppiness,” slammed the paper’s editorial.

The Barcelona press have gone quite ballistic in response to the affair which is a fairly predictable reaction and see the hand of José Mourinho and Florentino Pérez behind the insinuations. “What a disgrace!” yells the front cover of Mundo Deportivo. “Enough of the lies,” huffs Sport, with Josep María Casanovas writing that “this dirty war begun by Mourinho and supported by Florentino is intolerable."

It is no real surprise that the talk of doping has reached the realms of Spanish football, regardless of whether these current insinuations are based on genuine suspicion or purely on malicious intent - if they were ever made at all. Only threats and counter threats of legal action will resolve the current spat that has sprouted from Sunday.

Allegations of doping have already badly affected the reputation of Spanish cyclists and athletes, with investigations currently underway into both sports, so it is no wonder football has now being dragged into the mire.

The worrying problem for the notion of truth and justice in the Spanish game is that there is the feeling the topic will be dealt with in the same way as match-fixing has been in the country’s football - allegations and stories being widely published suggesting that it is taking place, but a refusal from people at all levels of the sport to doing anything about it.

Good Day, Bad Day: Angry Unai Emery & Merry Real Madrid

Tim Stannard — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 13:51:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid

Not exactly a vintage performance in the opening 45 minutes for Madrid, with the crowd murmuring in discontent - which was some attempt at noise, at least - with their side going in at half-time with just the one goal lead.

“I didn’t like the first half as it is always hard against teams fighting for their lives,” admitted a fairly relaxed Mourinho, who managed manfully not to say anything too headline-worthy or downright offensive in his post match chat. Madrid picked up the pace in the second half and picked off an Hércules team who have only won once and scored just three times on their travels this season.

The Madridista press very much believe that “the league is on!” for los Blancos, with Barcelona drawing at Sevilla on Sunday to bring the gap down at the top of the table to five points, but it is Mundo Deportivo who note astutely that Madrid’s final five away games of the season are Atlético, Athletic, Valencia, Sevilla and Villarreal.

Espanyol

A double day of joy for Paul from Barcelona - the chance to witness another win for Espanyol and also survive nearly two hours in the presence of Deportivo without resorting to jumping from the top tier of Cornella El-Prat to end the pain. A good show all round.

“Our beloved LLL gives Depor a load of stick and on this performance I’m with the blog. They were woeful. A first half memorable for two things. Depor’s lilac shirts and the sending off of Pablo Álvarez, Lotina thought this unjust, the second card was an awful foul from behind, looked yellow to me.

"The game went from coma to drowsy in the second half thanks to the introduction of MOM Ivan Alonso. Great work down the left by David García and his cross was powered home by the head of Alonso. Espanyol were in complete control and the second was a great strike from Verdú, yet another against his old team and worth looking out for.

"Kameni made his second save of the match in injury time. That Dear Readers says it all. Ok performance from Espanyol and a shocker from shot-shy Depor or maybe the shirts made them Shrinking Violets, (c’mon that’s a good one).

"30-odd Depor fans deserve serious praise for traveling from wherever to see their team. Across the street would have been too far.”

Paul, Barcelona

David de Gea

Fortunately for the Rojiblancos, the Atlético goalkeeper was probably the only one of the eleven players who hadn’t passed the first half-an-hour of the clash against Almería in the doziest of dazes as if they had spent the past 1000 years in stasis on a space freighter. It was De Gea who kept the home side out with three fine stops that allowed Kun Agüero to give his side the lead with the first of his two goals in a 2-2 draw that Almería coach, José Luis Oltra, described correctly as “a fair result.”

Atlético have now gone five matches unbeaten which looks all fine and dandy, but three of those clashes have been draws. Still, it does keep Quique’s comedy troupe in contention of a Europa League finish despite Saturday’s impending defeat against Real Madrid.

Real Zaragoza

With the Mexican manager’s flat-top hair-do primped and preened to perfection, Javier Aguirre knew that it was a limping and lame Valencia coming to la Romareda late on Saturday night after the Mestalla men’s distressing Champions League dumping by Schalke.

The Zaragoza coach’s hunch that there were three points for the taking turned out to be a good ‘un, with Jiri Jarosik opening the scoring after just four minutes and his team-mates adding three more including two penalties.

Levante

Having suddenly turned into a Levante supporter after being won over by their remarkable survival campaign, the small sentimental side of LLL was more than a tad irked to see Mallorca cancel out an opening effort for Levante from Juanlu that left the heroic home team picking up just the single point on Sunday.

But, with its bottom lip a-quiver, the blog will admit that the point is a positive one leaving Levante with just the single defeat from eight and probably needing just three more victories to stay up.

Osasuna

All in all, it’s quite lucky that Osasuna are so strong at home with just the one league defeat this season considering how blooming awful they are away from home with just the one win. Fortunately for Osasuna, this weekend, the side were playing in Pamplona and it was Racing who were put to the sword in another performance of tiger blood and thunder.

Manuel Pellegrini

The Málaga boss admitted that he has offered to resign twice in response to his team’s recent dreadful run of form. The Chilean won’t need to suggest falling on his sword for at least a week now with Málaga beating Real Sociedad 2-0 in San Sebastian - a result that still isn’t good enough to lift the southern side off the bottom of the table.

Bad Day

Barcelona

Tough to know where to stick Barcelona in today’s section. It was two points dropped - which a concerned Pep Guardiola would have probably taken before the clash - but it was a match that could easily have been won in the final minutes with Barça having efforts crashing against the bar and being cleared off the line.

Barcelona were suffering from a little bit of bad luck in the Sánchez Pizjuán rather than any adverse effects of their midweek clash against Arsenal. An ever-so-slightly controversial decision from referee, Pérez Lasa, to cancel out a Leo Messi free-kick after a supposed shove in the wall by Sergio Biscuits, has given the Barcelona press a good chance to hit back at José Mourinho’s complaints over referee favoritism with some cracking conspiracies of their own.

“He seemed under the influence of Mourinho’s campaign,” tutted Josep María Casanovas in Sport. Even AS have backed Barcelona’s grumbles - not that the Dream Boys camp did complain - with Alfredo Relaño noting that “neither Madrid, nor Barcelona, nor anyone deserved a referee like this.”

The ever excellent Roberto Palomar had a fine anti-Mourinho rant in Marca on Monday, airing the notion that “you can imagine Mourinho at home on his sofa watching the game and dying of shame. Both teams turned up at the allotted time and didn’t complain that it was too late or too early and dedicated themselves to playing football.”

Unai Emery

The Valencia coach had barely stopped his sobbing from Wednesday’s Champions League defeat when his side went one nil down to Zaragoza in a game in which Valencia imploded in a style not seen for some time. “Our match was a disaster with no possible excuse,” blasted Unai after the 4-0 thwacking by their relegation-threatened rivals.

Villarreal

It’s never a good sign when you get bored watching Villarreal games, but that’s what happened on Sunday with their home clash at Sporting. Villarreal have been more than a little ‘meh’ in the league of late but the side have a perfectly good excuse in that the club appears to be giving priority to the Europa League.

Nevertheless, Villarreal were both a tad lucky and unlucky on Sunday. Sporting were good for their point in a 1-1 draw, but that only came about after an outrageous dive from David Barral deep into injury time. It was a double blow for Juan Carlos Garrido’s men who missed the chance to close the gap with Valencia in third to just one point.

Deportivo

It was the lack of sending off of an Espanyol player that prevented Miguel Angel Lotina’s dastardly plan of another goalless draw for Dull Depor according to the manager himself who saw his cunning scheme busted by the ref. “Had Verdú been sent off then it would have been 0-0,” groaned Lotina.

Javier Portillo

Always fun to be reminded from time to time of the general uselessness of the former Real Madrid and current Hércules forward.

The Extortion-suffering, Irregular Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 10:42:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Almería (19th) v Atlético Madrid (8th)
A fine win last Saturday over Villarreal restored Atleti's pride, respect and even some dignity, with the Rojiblancos returning to the furious fight for that prestigious seventh-place spot.

So standby for another Atlético meltdown special this weekend against second-from-bottom Almería, whose manager José Luis Oltra knows his opponents all too well: “Irregularity is something that defines Atlético. They are a team capable of the best and the worst.”

If the game itself isn't exactly easy on the eyes then there’s still fun to be had in watching Kun Agüero and José Antonio Reyes. Ahead of next Saturday’s Real Madrid clash they'll be either trying to avoid or attempting to trigger suspension-inducing yellow cards, depending on whether they fancy taking part in a fourth derby defeat of the season or watching the carnage from the stands.

LLL Prediction – Draw

Real Madrid (2nd) v Hércules (18th)
Preferring to avoid that whole nasty business of Barcelona taking on Arsenal in the Champions League, Tuesday’s front cover of Marca looked like it had been designed by someone who has ingested a large amount of acid. And that’s quite apt considering the paper these days feels as if it is being run by someone who has ingested a large amount of acid.

Tuesday’s edition was full of swirly cartoons portraying the Real Madrid players backed up with a lead story concerning the nicknames of the Cursed Swarms of Mordor according to a dressing room insider. To this end we learned that Arbeloa is called ‘Robocop’, Marcelo is ‘Loco’ (though Pepe sounds a better fit for that name), Adebayor is ‘Avatar’, Granero is ‘Bohemio’ and rather cruelly the goggle-eyed marvel Mesut Özil has been compared to a cartoon fish with his moniker of ‘Nemo’.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Zaragoza (17th) v Valencia (3rd)
Anyone standing in the vicinity of Unai Emery whilst reading this should go and give the poor Valencia coach a hug, or at least a pat on the back. (Incidentally, don’t ever try that with the personal-space-loving LLL or it will snap your hand off at the wrist.)

Poor Unai was left a weeping, blubbering wreck after Valencia’s Champions League exit at Schalke. “This is a tough night, a disappointing one,” wailed the Mestalla main man after the 3-1 defeat in Gelsenkirchen. Emery now has to collect his wits and take them north to face the craggy, cranky Zaragoza brigade in what could be another unpleasant footballing experience for Valencia.

LLL Prediction - Home win

SUNDAY

Osasuna (15th) v Racing Santander (14th)
LLL did warn a while back that there was a bit of ‘back story’ belonging to Racing’s new owner, Ahsan Ali Syed, after his aborted buy-out of Blackburn last summer. Some of that story leaked out this week, with reports of fraud allegations involving millions being leveled against the Indian-born businessman in faraway lands such as Australia, New Zealand and Malaysia.

Ali Syed has told the Spanish media that all allegations are untrue and that they are the result of an evil-doer who is trying to blackmail him. LLL is quite sure that everything is going to go just fine for Racing Santander in the near future.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Sociedad (9th) v Málaga (20th)
When is a press conference not a press conference? When it is a press conference where questions from the press at the conference aren’t allowed, that’s when. This is precisely what happened in Málaga this week when the club’s VP, Abdullah Ghubn, delivered what can best be described as a speech to the media where he manfully took the hit for all the team’s problems. “If someone is to blame it’s me. It’s not the coach, or the players or the people at the club,” declared Málaga’s second-in-command.

And despite Málaga’s inevitable defeat against Real Sociedad on Sunday, Abdullah Ghubn claimed that Manuel Pellegrini will still be in charge next week. “Whatever happens in San Sebastian, we won’t change the coach. He’s the right one for the team.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (6th) v Deportivo (13th)
Double delight for Deportivo this week: a Monday win over Real Sociedad and news that Riki!!!! will be on the injury sidelines for the next month with a muscle tear – injured in the process of celebrating a goal, no doubt, a rare act performed in this week’s win.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (12th) v Mallorca (10th)
There were rumours during the week that Levante’s Felipe Caicedo, the scorer of a remarkable 11 league goals this season, was about to be shipped off to Lokomotiv Moscow for €8.5m with the Russian transfer window about to close.

However, the Ecuadorian striker is set to stay on the east coast until at least the end of the season on his loan spell from Manchester City which contains a €1.5m buy out clause for Levante with a decision being made in May on whether or not to invoke it says club president, Quico Catalán.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (4th) v Sporting (16th)
Unfortunately, having the tournament being won by Atlético Madrid of all teams last year has devalued the UEFA Cup – and yes, LLL knows that the title changed a while ago but refuses to acknowledge it, Burma / Myanmar style – so it can only get mildly excited by Villarreal’s 3-2 win at Bayer Leverkusen on Thursday evening.

The first leg of the clash between Spain’s fourth-placed side and Germany’s second was still a cracking affair with Villarreal owing a huge amount to a couple of cracking efforts from substitute Nilmar. “There’s a little place next to the Mediterranean where everything’s working well,” sighed Friday's AS editorial contentedly.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (7th) v Barcelona (1st)
It’s been a Luis Fabiano heavy news week, with Sevilla president José María Del Nido revealing that the club had bought out the rest of the player’s rights for €7m which were part owned by the investor group, RIO.

This happened at the same time at the Brazilian striker knee-knacked himself for the next three to six weeks. As Luis Fabiano is never one to be in the biggest of hurries to get back to playing, Sevilla fans can expect him to return to action some time at the beginning of May before being flogged off to a Russian club. Or Spurs.

LLL Prediction - Away win

MONDAY

Getafe (11th) v Athletic Bilbao (5th)
A combination of just the single league victory in 2011 and a hopeless 2-0 defeat at Sporting last weekend saw the patience of Míchel the Manager finally snap. The Getafe coach cancelled the squad's days off this week, before giving in to the long faces and allowing them to live long and prosper to their heart’s content on Friday.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Arsene Wenger: From Dumbledore to dunce

Tim Stannard — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 15:03:00 GMT

Until around 22.30 on Tuesday night, Arsene Wenger had a well-earned reputation in Spain for being a bit of an avuncular, Dumbledore type figure: unthreatening, cultured and a proper gent famous for relishing in the finer side of football. So much so, in fact, that Florentino Pérez – seeing the Frenchman’s name in a sticker album one afternoon – even tried to bring the Arsenal boss to the Bernabeu on his return to the Real Madrid presidency in 2009.

But after the events in the Camp Nou, Wenger’s reputation as a sophisticated sommelier of the beautiful game went so far south that penguins were waddling on top of it. Arsenal's 3-1 defeat has been greeted in Barcelona as a victory for truth, justice and the Catalan way. Then again, pretty much all wins for Pep’s Dream Boys are viewed thusly, such are the side’s insufferably smug ways.

The Barcelona press have taken particular umbrage to Arsenal coming to the Camp Nou to defend their first leg lead and maybe grab a cheeky goal on the break in the process – a strategy that was a Javier Mascherano toe-nail away from succeeding.

LLL would note that the local papers should instead be very grateful indeed that Wenger went for this particular approach, as the quality of the final pass and finish from Barça for much of the game was such that even 2% more attacking intent from the visitors might have seen the Catalan club’s Champions League ambitions dunked in the teacup of failure.

“Creation destroyed destruction,” purred Sport, reflecting on a win for their beloved Barcelona. “This Arsenal is a losing team, they lack grandeur, ambition and talent,” jibed Josep María Casanovas, who scoffed that “there’s only one Barça and are no imitations are accepted.”

Mundo Deportivo were just as scathing as Tuesday’s opponents, with Sani Nolla kicking the Arsenal coach when he’s down by claiming that “if Wenger had an image as a prestigious coach, this knockout by Barcelona has put him in his true place.”

The general feeling in both the Barcelona and Madrid press is that the Robin van Persie’s sending off was harsh but wouldn't have changed the outcome of a game which now has the famous statistic of Arsenal failing to have a single shot on target.

“Arsenal’s complaints are legitimate but it doesn’t serve as an excuse,” was the reflection on the result from Marca. “It’s hard to knock out Barcelona without having a shot.”

“Barça in the quarters, Arsenal in the street,” blasted AS, reporting that the English(ish) side got a “thorough thrashing” – well, the paper literally said Arsenal got a “bath”, but that has very different connotations indeed.

And so to Wednesday night as Valencia, the second of Spain’s three teams in Champions League action in the last 16, face “Raúl’s Schalke” as they are now known in Spain. A 1-1 draw from the first leg sees the Mestalla men facing a tough ask in Germany, but Valencia fans have been boosted by the tip that Roberto Soldado will probably starting the game from the bench. And yes, LLL knows how many goals the former Getafe man has scored in the competition, but the blog blindly insists that they are all either flukes or scuffs.

“We have to play with cold heads, but hot bodies,” said Unai Emery, revealing his game plan of dressing his players in figure-hugging body-snoods. “This is our moment, our chance to enjoy ourselves where all the big teams are.”

AS notes with some sadness that should Valencia prevail on Wednesday night – and LLL expects a 1-1 draw and penalties – then it could well be Raúl’s final Champions League tie, as Schalke are unlikely to qualify for next season’s competition and the chances of the old fella moving to another big team are slim.

But then again, at least one club in London could do with a player who has both decent hearing and knows how to put the ball in the back of the net when it really counts. And as Raúl said to David Albelda after the first leg clash, “old rockers never die.”

Good Day, Bad Day: Pep's back and Reyes is roasting

Tim Stannard — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:29:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Pep Guardiola
Not too much to talk about with Barcelona and their 1-0 home win over Zaragoza best described as perfunctory. But it’s a better day for Pep Guardiola, who got the go-ahead to leave hospital on Monday after two nights being bed-bathed by buxom Barça-loving nurses whilst suffering from a hernia in his back.

Real Madrid
There were some omens for Madrid ahead of the visit to Racing: the absence of the injured Cristiano Ronaldo for the first time in the league; the news that Kaká will be missing until further notice (or until another tournament is on the horizon for Brazil); the sensation that Florentino Pérez was suffering from from one vol-au-vent too many at the pre-match din-dins. That was certainly the impression gained from the shots of the Madrid president sat in the ‘palco’ with his jowly face of thunder.

As it turned out, in the opening 45 minutes of a 3-1 win Madrid played one of their best halves of the season, invoking Barcelona comparisons in the next day’s press after players unselfishly passed to each other rather than taking regular potshots into the stands followed by preening pouts. Not that this has anything to do with the absence of a certain shiny-faced superstar.

Pablo Hernández
The permanently bewildered-looking Pablo is a frequent victim of Unai Emery’s tinkering tendencies, but he started the game at Mallorca on Saturday and banged in a couple of lovely efforts in a 2-1 victory that nicely holds third place for Valencia. Of course, that doesn’t mean that the midfielder will be featuring against Schalke on Wednesday, with the Valencia boss no doubt having planned changes before the weekend’s game had even begun.

Borja Valero
The Villarreal midfielder may have been on the losing side on Saturday, but Valero was by far the best thing on the pitch against Atlético Madrid, perhaps the only spark of life in a team that Cani admits is starting to feel more than a little tired after a busy campaign so far.

José Antonio Reyes
Whilst there has been an awful lot of fuss and rather tedious statistics pieces being churned out in the Spanish football press about the lack of goals from Diego Forlán and Kun Agüero this season in la Liga – just 17 between them – Atlético’s diving dazzler Reyes has been largely overlooked despite being one of the season's best Rojiblanco performers. Then again, there’s hardly much competition in that particular tiara-winning category.

Both Kun and La Rubia managed to get onto the scoresheet in a comfortable (but frackin’ cold) Saturday night at the Calderón, but it was Reyes once again who shook things up a bit with a corker of an opening goal and many a charge down the flanks – charges that usually ended with a tumble and desperate look at the ref.

Athletic Bilbao
A cr*p 2-0 win, with cr*p goals against a cr*p Sevilla in a cr*p game stops a cr*p run of four cr*p defeats for Athletic Bilbao.

Levante
And the dream stays alive: Levante’s 1-0 over Espanyol was the side’s fifth win in seven. Wonderful, wonderful stuff from Luis García’s side, who more than fulfilled the pledge to make up for the torture inflicted upon supporters when the players recorded a tribute song to them last week.

Osasuna
After nearly 14 months, Osasuna finally get an away win in la Liga with Málaga happy to let them get rid of that unwanted record by failing to defend an injury-time header from Sergio.

Almería
Not sure the 1-2 win away at Hércules will be good enough to keep the Almería boat afloat in the long term after last Monday’s loss to Málaga but it still keeps ‘em in the relegation survival running for a wee while more.

BAD DAY

Espanyol
The injury-hit side's loss at Levante was their sixth defeat in seven. Luckily, the two teams below the Pericos in the table, Sevilla and Atlético, are generally too feckless to do anything about it.

Getafe
“If your season’s screwed and it don’t look good, who you going to call? Getafe!” Yep, once again, la Liga’s friendly neighbourhood chumps roll into town, do very little and lose on demand. This time it was away at Sporting.

Hércules
LLL has made no attempt to disguise its dislike of Hércules due to match-fixing rumours last season – the accusations of which were ‘archived’ by Spain’s governing bodies – and the treatment of Royston ‘Ricky’ Drenthe, who had ‘KKK’ written on the walls of his house and was hounded at Alicante airport by Hércules supporters after initially refusing to return from the winter break having not been paid since August.

This is why the blog is delighted to see the side losing once again, this time against Almería, and falling into the relegation zone. LLL is already ordering in the popcorn for next Saturday’s visit to the Santiago Bernabeu.

Manuel Pellegrini
Marca resumed its attacks on Manuel Pellegrini on Saturday, making the Málaga manager the evil-doer of the week for confessing that his team’s heart wasn’t really in it during the clash against Real Madrid on Thursday night.

Instead, Osasuna at home was Málaga’s big dream, a chance for three points to get them off the bottom. Unfortunately, a 16th loss in la Liga this year and a 59th goal conceded this season – in injury time, no less – sees LLL joining Marca for once and having to dish out a bit of a kick in the goolies to poor old Pellegrini whose Málaga side officially look in big, big trouble.

Málaga’s Mauling and Barça’s ‘mishap’ in Mestalla

Tim Stannard — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 11:10:00 GMT

Hay Liga and Hay Caramba! The Spanish title race is bursting with fruity excitement once again after an imperious Real Madrid thrashed sorry Málaga on Thursday night and Barcelona slipped up for the second time in three league matches to drop points against Valencia and leave the gap at the top of the table standing at a paltry three.

For those already confused and checking their boilers for carbon monoxide leaks, this is the thrilling situation in la Liga according to Friday’s Marca whose ‘other league table’ shows Barcelona with four points less than the actual table, after the paper arbitrarily decided that Jordi Alba’s goal for Valencia on Wednesday was incorrectly ruled off-side and one of the strikes for Barça against Athletic Bilbao two rounds ago was incorrectly ruled onside - photoshop-sneakiness or not.

This alternate reading of history suggests Barça have picked up two draws in encounters where that dastardly Catalan clan running la Liga are claiming were won by Hobblin’ Pep’s Dream Boys.

However, seeing as Marca are not yet running the show in the Spanish Primera - although it is only a matter of time - Barcelona are taking a short breather before kicking off Round 27 of la Liga with the visit of Zaragoza still holding a seven point lead over Real Madrid despite the latter's 7-0 midweek mauling of a Malaga side that visiting coach Manuel Pellegrini admitted “didn’t come to Madrid with the aim of winning three points.”

LLL must admit that it was expecting the Málaga coach to be slaughtered in Friday’s edition of Marca, continuing the scandalously vile and worryingly personal campaign against the former Madrid manager ran by the paper’s director, Eduardo Inda.

However, word on the grapevine in the Spanish capital is that Marca’s writers - mostly a fine, upstanding lot - were appalled by Thursday’s edition which tore Pellegrini to pieces, and were distancing themselves from the attacks which reportedly came straight from Marca’s big boss.

This perhaps explains the praise for Pellegrini's conduct which was splashed across Friday's edition, with the paper’s back pages claiming that “Pellegrini gave a lesson in gentlemanly conduct,” by offering to shake José Mourinho’s hand before the game kicked-off and the footballing massacre began.

The Madrid manager, on the other hand, continued his ranting guff and is following the very Spanish custom of being quite rude with the excuse of “hey, I’m only being honest.” Many a time LLL has been told that it looks like crap, smells funny or is ever so slightly slow by Spanish friends and colleagues. A look of hurt and distress is then met with the shrug and claim of “at least I’m not lying.”

After Thursday’s game, Mourinho responded to probes on the previous day’s comments that said he would never manage Málaga because he is too much of a Bertie Big B**locks by claiming that he was only telling the truth and isn’t being a hypocrite - his definition of ‘hypocrite’ being those who manage to shut their gobs at appropriate moments or simply be diplomatic when the occasion requires.

“If you ask the best coaches and players in the world if they would sign for Málaga, the majority would say ‘why not? But perhaps in the future?’” countered Mourinho after the game.

The seven goal hammering for Málaga leaves the struggling side in the relegation zone along with Almería - who could only draw 1-1 against ten men Racing Santander, and Sporting - who are in trouble once again after an away defeat to Sevilla on Tuesday.

Mallorca are the big alternative winners of the midweek round in LLL’s humble opinion, with a tremendous 2-1 away victory at Espanyol. Michael Laudrup’s brave battlers will be looking to inch ever closer to the survival mark with a home match against Valencia who could have Champions League matters on their minds on Saturday night.

Atlético - who were rotten, lifeless and as goggle-eyed as a dead haddock against Getafe on Wednesday night, but still managed to grab a late draw with perhaps their only chance of the game - are playing host to Villarreal in the Vicente Calderón. Once again, people will be a’watchin' to see if there are further signs of the supposed ‘don’t give the ball to Forlán’ policy in the dressing room - a strategy poo-pooed by Atleti centre-back, Diego Godín.

“I don’t believe and I don’t want to believe that there are team-mates who do not pass to him,” claimed the Rojiblanco stopper.

Hércules lost away from home once again - and failed to score once again too - with their defeat to Villarreal and are hosting bottom-of-the-table Almería on Sunday. Málaga only have three days to recover from their Bernabeu battering before facing Osasuna in a battle between 18th and 16th.

The southern side’s opponents featured in perhaps the most predictable scoreline of the round on Wednesday night with a goalless draw against Deportivo - no great surprise considering the zany shooting abilities of both teams.

Levante are still LLL’s big heroes after a brilliant away point at Real Sociedad that sees them inching their way up the table. And to thank the fans for backing the team in their comeback campaign, the players have recorded a song for them (LLL managed just one minute listening to it before screaming - a pretty good performance).

Barcelona will be fairly confident of beating Zaragoza at the Camp Nou on Saturday will be looking to rest a few players along the way, ahead of Arsenal’s visit in the Champions. This is not a sensation that Real Madrid will be enjoying as they head to Santander to take on a resurgent Racing with Cristiano Ronaldo a big doubt ahead of the clash with a leg knack.

Dropped points in el Sardinero would make live even harder for José Mourinho’s men in the league table - whether it be the real one or the table from Marca’s alternate dimension.

Round 27 Predictions
Mallorca v Valencia - Draw
Barcelona v Zaragoza - Home win
Atlético Madrid v Villarreal - Away win
Sporting v Getafe - Home win
Hércules v Almería - Home win
Málaga v Osasuna - Home win
Levante v Espanyol - Home win
Athletic Bilbao v Sevilla - Draw
Racing v Real Madrid - Draw
Deportivo v Real Sociedad - Draw

No friends Forlán, Villa in court, Mourinho’s taunts...

Tim Stannard — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 13:36:00 GMT

Poor Diego Forlán. It seems that nobody loves the little fella these days aside from his hot supermodel lady friend. And himself. And maybe his curling tongs.

A fun story broke in El País, this week, claiming that the Uruguayan is not just in the bad books of the Atlético fans these days - books of the colouring variety, probably - for his somewhat half-hearted performances, but also in a cooking pot of crankiness with his own teammates too. The paper reports that there is a campaign in the Rojiblanco dressing room known as “not one pass to la Rubia”.

José Antonio Reyes - one of the players accused of being part of this ball-hogging cartel in a round-about way - denied such tittle-tattle on Spanish radio station Cadena Ser but did admit that ‘la Rubia’ or ‘Blondie’ is Diego Forlán’s nickname, whether the forward likes it or not. All Quique Sánchez-Flores could do was look exasperated and complain that he was "fed up with all these situations with Forlán.”

LLL will be at Getafe’s Coliseum stadium at eight on Wednesday night to see if Forlán really is 'Billy No Mates' in the Atleti dressing room as they face their opponents in the grand title, ding-dong battle to be the second best capital city club in la Primera. Until Rayo return, anyway.

Also kicking off at the same time in the ongoing action of round 26 of la Primera are a Villarreal team looking to finally win a league game after four failed attempts. They’ll be kicking themselves until they have just the one leg left if they fail as they face a Hércules side who have managed just the one win and three goals on their travels in la Primera this season - bizarrely the victory and two of those strikes came against Barcelona in the Camp Nou.

Osasuna are hosting Deportivo in a match that sounds truly dreadful, so the blog will move quickly on rather like one does when spying a huge pile of pavement spew - there’s curiosity to have a glimpse but no desire to hang around for too long.

Real Sociedad are taking on Levante in a fascinating battle that will show if the visitors can continue their rather remarkable form of four wins in five, the defeat being the setback in the Santiago Bernabeu.

The big game of the night is Pep trying to beat Valencia with his Dream Boys for the first time in Mestalla in la Primera. The problem is that the Barça manager may not be there to witness the attempt as he is suffering from back problems. This won’t make a blind bit of difference to the match says Unai Emery, who notes that “neither Guardiola nor I are playing in the game although if we did he would probably win.”

Xavi and Dani Alves will return from injury and suspension respectively, although David Villa might be a touch flustered as the former Valencia man has had to spend Wednesday morning in a court room in Avilés in Asturias on the north coast due to a dispute case raised by his former agent. But needing the firing-on-all-cylinders forward, Barça will be hiring a private jet to get the tiny-bearded one to Mestalla in time.

The Barcelona press are very excited indeed by the notion of Real Madrid going into their tie with Málaga on Thursday ten points behind the Dream Boys should Barça win in Mestalla. “Psychologically, three points today is half the league. Only half, but still half,” said Miguel Rico in Mundo Deportivo rubbing his hands together in glee.

“If Barça beat Valencia, Mourinho will fall into a depression and end up crying in the next press conference,” was the chuckle from Josep María Casanovas from Sport.

Mourinho’s presser on Wednesday ahead of the Málaga game mainly featured the Madrid manager moaning about the fixtures and aiming insults at those who disagreed with him, journalists (one was called a hypocrite) and Manuel Pellegrini. The current Málaga boss had said that he had a record at Real Madrid to be proud of with history allowing him “to have the best campaign” in the club’s history.

“If Madrid sack me then I won’t go to Málaga, I’ll go to a big club in England or Italy,” scoffed Mourinho in reply, managing to wind up the opposition manager and team at the same time. Which may have been the Special One’s cunning plan. Or it may simply have been all part of what Xavier Sardà, a Catalan TV presenter, claimed was an act. He noted that “Mourinho plays the role of idiot extremely well.”

Tuesday night’s games saw Mallorca taking three admirable points in Cornella against Espanyol with a 2-1 win and Sevilla taking a firm hold of seventh with an easy 3-0 victory over visiting Sporting.

Just as one round of La Liga action finishes, another begins...

Tim Stannard — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 16:14:00 GMT

Hip Hop Hooray! One round of la Liga has now properly put to bed, with Málaga’s match against Almería on Monday night rounding off the action - but don't even think about pausing for a moment to catch breath, as it’s already time for another round to barely 23 hours later on Tuesday, with ten Primera games spread over three days and the usual family/job/sleep/deadline unfriendly scattering of ten o’clock kick-offs. B*stards.

The final, final match of the last round was arguably the most important, if not the most intriguing, with megarich-pants (and pants at football) Málaga looking to take the massive step of moving from the bottom of la Primera to second-from-bottom by beating Almería in la Rosaleda.

For a while though it looked like Málaga wouldn’t even manage that not-particularly-challenging feat with a horribly disjointed performance that had a great deal of thrust and panting to it without too much precision - indeed, Almería took the lead after just eight minutes. But Málaga got their act together in the second half - helped by two sendings off for Almería - and prevailed with a 3-1 win.

“I’m happy about the victory, we needed that,” admitted a relieved Manuel Pellegrini who sported a tracksuit throughout the encounter which unsettled LLL somewhat.

The former Real Madrid manager now faces a clash against his old team in the Spanish capital on Thursday, with some two days less preparation than the home side and their poor wafer thin squad which is likely to have Karim Benzema, Raúl Albiol and Kaká kicking about on the bench, the poor bunnies.

Almería, on the other hand, are totally screwed, let’s face it, no matter who they play now.

Round 26 leaps into life at 8pm Spanish time, with Espanyol at home once again and taking on Mallorca, a side who have lost eight on their travels in la Liga this year and a team LLL senses don’t really give much of a hoot about winning away from the Balearics.

The Pericos are looking for the win which will take them over the 42 point barrier, a point at which Mauricio Pochettino hopes his fifth-placed team will push on, rather than start thinking about holidays, getting in more shagging time or the purchase of that fancy new brand of air pistol with which to shoot unsuspecting club employees that appears to be the new fad in football.

“We have to win another game - I hope it’s the one against Mallorca - so we’ll be on 43 points, ” said the optimistic Espanyol manager. “From that point we can give everything in a fight for Europe.”

Sevilla are also going to need some Churchill-esque inspiration ahead of their clash with Sporting at ten, with Gregorio Manzano’s men just squeezed into seventh place but with the sound of the gnashing teeth of Atlético Madrid, Real Sociedad and Getafe not far behind them.

Actually, who’s LLL kidding? Out of those three teams, the first is a mess from top to bottom that spent €9 million on players they don't ever use during the winter; one that’s just looking to stay up - which is fair enough, really - and Getafe, who are to consistency what José Mourinho is to being humble and taking things on the chin.

FIXTURES Tuesday Espanyol v Mallorca, Sevilla v Sporting Wednesday Zaragoza v Athletic Bilbao, Letafe v Atlético Madrid, Villarreal v Hércules, Osasuna v Deportivo, Real Sociedad v Levante, Valencia v Barcelona Thursday Almería v Racing Santander, Real Madrid v Málaga.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barcelona’s ‘crisis’ and more Mourinho moaning

Tim Stannard — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:47:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

A certain Madrid-mad Primera pundit was last week trying to convince LLL that Barcelona were 'in crisis' having dropped points against Sporting in la Liga and been beaten by Arsenal in the Champions League.

If two points dropped in the past 19 league games - the most recent of which being an away win for Pep’s Dream Boys against Mallorca on Saturday - consistutes a crisis, then LLL would like to know what phase Real Madrid are in considering the side have dropped seven points in the last seven games.

A chorus of “it’s all gone quiet over there” seems quite apt at this point.

Valencia

A 2-1 win in San Mamés is perhaps Valencia’s best result this season in la Liga - especially considering it was paired with two more dropped points by Villarreal and the fact that the win was against a team who flirted with the Champions League places, but appeared to have been turned down flat and returning to their sorry spot at the footballing bar.

Valencia now have a four point cushion in third and have only lost once in la Liga since early November, a statistic that seems to have gone largely unnoticed - especially by the club’s bosses who are uninterested in renewing Unai Emery’s contract until third place in guaranteed. It’s a harsh stance considering how well the madcap manager has done in the current campaign both domestically and in the Champions League.

Espanyol

After four straight defeats, Espanyol finally got their mojo back with a 4-1 win against the ever erratic Real Sociedad. Paul from Barcelona was there in Cornella to watch it all unfold. Most of it, anyway.

“A good but not fanatical reception for Raúl Tamudo, a couple of banners and a few chants. Once the match started it was business as usual. A fairly even first half with Espanyol players creating chances at both ends. Then a mad minute of two goals of which I saw neither. The first goal for Alvaro I saw hit the net but not the shot as some bloke walked in front of me. Perfect time to nip to the loo. Only to come back and look in disbelief at the scoreboard 1-1. From a corner apparently. Usual rubbish defending of set-pieces.

Second half only one team in it. Espanyol piled forward and a fantastic bit of control and a neat turn from Sergio García made it 2-1. Then Callejón’s weakly hit but beautifully placed cross shot made it 3-1. Then the cherry on the cake for MOM Javi Marquez to score directly from a free kick in stoppage time. Time for the Tamudo chants to finish the match.

A deserved win for Espanyol against average opposition, who lacked a cutting edge.

Well over a thousand la Real fans, who were resigned to defeat at 2-1. Ref was average but his linesman on the left had a ‘mare. Another match on Tuesday at home against Mallorca could see Espanyol consolidate the Europa league position.”

Paul, Barcelona

Atlético Madrid, Sevilla

LLL would like to thank both teams for the most fun it has had at the Vicente Calderón this season, that hasn’t involved the blog getting as high as a Sergio Ramos cross from the enormous amount of jazz cigarette smoke that hangs above the fans for every home game.

Great goals, great mistakes and a great atmosphere in a 2-2 draw between two teams in that all important battle for seventh spot.

Giovani dos Santos

Two points lost for Racing with a late equaliser for Villarreal, but another sparkling performance from the speedy on-loan striker from Spurs who has played a big part in Racing’s recent revival under Marcelino and the club’s new owner.

Deportivo

LLL has now done a bit of a Nick Clegg style U-Turn, thrown away everything it used to believe in and now loves and embraces Deportivo’s every-man-behind-the ball approach. One shot on target all game, no goals scored, 10-men defence, opposition goalkeeper having got through two books during the game. To tell you the truth, just writing that has made LLL go all tingly down below.

Levante

Levante coach, Luis García, was quite correct to say that last week’s match against Real Madrid “wasn’t their war”, with the away clash coming after three straight wins in la Primera. But on Sunday, Levante went into battle once again and it was muscle, desire and shoving fullbacks out of the way that brought the home side yet another victory. This time it was a 2-1 win over Osasuna to make it four wins in five - Champions League-chasing form in the month February.

Bad Day

José Mourinho

Huge, desperate sigh time for the blog. José Mourinho’s increasingly sad and pathetic claims that the bigwigs of the Spanish game are out to get his team are so lamentable it is no longer worth checking to see if there is any truth to them.

After moaning that the referees were against his side at the beginning of the year, the erratic Madrid manager is now accusing those setting the fixture lists for trying to scupper his title bid. We can’t for the life of us work out why.

A grouchy Mourinho wanted to play Deportivo on Sunday, giving his team an extra day’s rest after the Lyon match. “They are laughing at me behind my back,” claimed a manager who apparently wants the entire Spanish schedule fixed to suit his own particular needs despite having a squad that cost in the region of 18 billion euro to assemble.

If those setting the fixtures are laughing behind Mourinho’s back then they must be p*ssing themselves over poor Málaga, who play their ‘weekend’ match on Monday giving the team two days less than Madrid to prepare for Thursday’s league encounter in the Santiago Bernabeu. What’s more, Barcelona face a four day break to their next fixture against Valencia, whilst Real Madrid get five.

For once, The Special One should take a leaf out of AS and Marca's book, with both publications reacting to the goalless draw with Deportivo with surprising good grace. “That’s football,” said Marca’s headline on a game where the ball just didn’t want to go in despite what was a perfectly good performance from Real Madrid. “I don’t see a single Madridista angry at their team,” wrote Tomás Roncero in AS.

Kaká

The knives are turning on the Brazilian in the Madrid press after what was perceived as a dainty lady, scone-eating performance against Deportivo. “Kaká is taking too long to come back. Perhaps he’ll never come back,” mused Luis Nieto in AS.

Villarreal

Juan Carlos Garrido’s men are still in their funk which sees two defeats and now two draws in the team’s last four league matches. There were hopes that a wonderful win against Napoli on Thursday would give CPR to Villarreal’s Champions League campaign, but a 2-2 draw against Racing put paid to that. Still, it could have been a lot worse for Villarreal considering the team were 2-1 down until the final seconds until Nilmar threw himself at the ball during a desperate corner scramble.

David Navarro

The poor Valencia defender was carried from the field of play for a short amount of time after an aerial clash with Fernando Llorente. LLL can only imagine that the damage done to Navarro’s elbow was substantial considering how hard he smashed the Athletic Bilbao’s face with it.

“They’ll give him an Oscar for what he did. Navarro played the role of his life,” stormed Llorente after the 2-1 defeat.

Sporting, Zaragoza / Hércules, Getafe

Goalless draws for all teams sees everyone with a “one point, no use” look about them on Monday. Except Getafe perhaps, who managed not to be thrashed 4-0 which is something that seems to happen every couple of weeks this season.

The Dentist-visiting, Ref-imitating Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 10:34:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Sporting (16th) v Zaragoza (18th)
The traditional footballers' "final" countdown was kicked off at the beginning of 2011, with Atlético’s Tomas Ujfalusi claiming that his club had 19 of them left until the end of the season. Strangely, the Rojiblanco defender has gone very quiet on the final affair now that most of the first bunch have been lost.

Zaragoza left-back Ivan Obradovic has joined in by blasting that his team have 14 finals to go, starting with Saturday’s clash away at Sporting. Sadly for the Serbian defender, the first one is about to be lost.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Atlético Madrid (9th) v Sevilla (7th)
Ooh. This could be very tasty affair which is why LLL is heading down to the Vicente Calderón to see yet more carnage. Two weeks ago, Atlético lost at at home to Valencia amid much boo-age and sigh-age from the home crowd who called for the head of co-owner Miguel Angel Gil.

The son of Jesús Gil was in the news again this week, after he responded to claims from opposition supporters group Señales de Humo that the club’s debt is a worryingly high €782m. Gil responded at a media breakfast – which sounds fun, but not as fun as it could have been had the bubbly ‘morning person’ LLL been invited – that the debt is between €185m and €250m, depending on when the accounting snapshot is taken.

Gil also mused over the possibilities of the club informing season ticket holders of the future plans for the team in regards to purchases and sales before the annual renewal of their membership schemes.
LLL Prediction – Home win (vamos Atleti!)

Espanyol (6th) v Real Sociedad (8th)
With former Perico and hamster-cheeked goal-getter Raúl Tamudo returning to face his old team wearing the shirt of Real Sociedad, here’s a special weekend-preview guest appearance from Paul from Barcelona, who will be in the stands in Prat-land to witness Tamudo’s return. Woot, woot!

“The return of the prodigal son. The top goalscorer in Espanyol’s history and the most prolific Catalan in la Liga history will receive a fantastic welcome on Saturday. Tamudo is much loved amongst pericos. On his day he was unmarkable. On his bad days he was unremarkable.

"Much-hated across the city for scoring [rude word omitted – LLL]loads of goals against them, which endears him to us even more. Despite being a bit of a plonker off the field (let’s be honest, you wouldn’t want David Villa in your pub-quiz team), on the pitch he could be a genius.

"Expect a hero’s return, banners, chants, the works but expect him to score the winner. Don’t think he will celebrate, though: 129 goals for Espanyol, five goals for Spain in 13 matches is as good as anyone. Remember this was in some poor Espanyol and Spain teams. He holds a unique record. Two Copa del Rey finals and he scored in the first two minutes of both of them.

"Welcome home, Raul. I, for one, will give him a standing ovation.” – Paul, Barcelona
LLL Prediction – Home win

Mallorca (11th) v Barcelona (1st)
With prickly Víctor Valdés set for a spell of shouting and ranting on the sidelines for up to six weeks with knee-knack, it’s time for stand-in goalkeeper José Manuel Pinto to have his time in the spotlight for Pep’s Dream Boys.

However, the former Celta man has already made a name for himself this season having been booked twice for doing impressions of the referee’s whistle – Pinto himself claims he was merely practicing his bird impressions, although LLL might be lying at this point – and for a spell of sporting braids.

As Pinto is going to be a fixture in the side for a while, it’s time for the Barça press to do some butt-kissing over the Andalusian newcomer. “Pep doesn’t doubt him,” soothed Joan Vehils in Sport. “Knowing that Pep likes players like Iniesta, without piercings, with nice short hair and without tattoos, it seems wrong that Guardiola backs Pinto now. But Guardiola is on top of everything and this is how good people are treated.”
LLL Prediction – Away win

Deportivo (13th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
The big debate in the Madrid papers has been over the usual frailties and nervousness shown by their side in the Lyon Champions League clash. Not really. That would be silly. For Marca, it’s all been about the rough treatment given to precious Cristiano in Tuesday’s game – no, LLL didn’t notice anything untoward either – and in AS the discussion is over whether Florentino Pérez was right to jump up and applaud Karim Benzema’s goal.

LLL is a happy chappy in general and says good luck to the old, stinkingly rich fella, but there are those who feel that the presidential zone in stadiums should be set aside for quiet contemplation only. AS editor Alfredo Relaño is one of that morose band of brothers. “We feel it’s best that it had been avoided, I’m sure he feels the same,” mused the killjoy king.
LLL Prediction – Away win

SUNDAY

Hércules (15th) v Getafe (10th)
"Peeeeeep!" "Penalty!" That’s been a familiar sound at Getafe matches this season, with the Coliseum club being more than a little untidy in their own box – as it were – and giving away too many spot-kicks. It happened again last weekend against Racing Santander, Iván Marcano bringing down his man late in the game and the Madrid side losing 1-0.

"Nine penalties in 24 matches is a lot,” admitted Míchel the manager. “The majority were penalties, though. That’s one every three games. What’s more, none of them have been saved and we’ve dropped points.”
LLL Prediction – Away win (but it could be anything with Getafe)

Levante (17th) v Osasuna (14th)
LLL collective! Remember the Cristiano Ronaldo v Walter Pandiani spat from a few weeks back? No? Really? The one where the Madrid player asked how much Pandiani earned during a half-time tiff? The scuffle where the Osasuna man said that Ronaldo should stop being such a chav and be more like Messi? Yes, that one.

Well, things kicked off again this week during an interview with the Uruguayan forward who took the time to reflect on the incident a few weeks later with a cool head... and then suggest that there might have been fisticuffs after Ronaldo’s comments in another time and another place.

“In my country he’d have had to have booked a dentist appointment,” noted Pandiani with a cheeky grin, LLL likes to think.
LLL Prediction – Draw

Racing Santander (12th) v Villarreal (4th)
If LLL knew that the Europa League was so darn thrilling, it might not have been too cool for school and thumbed its nose at it for all these years. Villarreal’s second-leg match against Napoli (the first ended goalless) had thrills, spills, comebacks, diving and a 2-1 win for Villarreal to send the Yellow Submarine to the next round at the expense of the Italian interlopers.

“It was the moment to show that the team believed in itself and was together,” boasted Villarreal coach Juan Carlos Garrido.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Athletic Bilbao (5th) v Valencia (3rd)
LLL’s very favourite thing about Spain, Joaquín Caparrós, has been chatting away about his lovely life as Athletic manager and his immediate future. The Bilbao boss says he would be delighted to stay on for a few more years in San Mamés but that it all depends on whether current president Fernando García Macau wins a new election in the summer.

Aside from shouting from the touchline and generally larking about like a loon during games, Caparrós is also keeping himself busy with a journalism degree and is having a lot of fun whilst doing it, too. “I’m 55 and I love being with kids and learning every day.”
LLL Prediction – Home win

MONDAY

Málaga (20th) v Almería (19th)
Heaven’s handcart! A Monday night match that might be worth watching! Bottom of the table Málaga facing their last, last, last chance to pick up three points and get themselves out of their expensively dug relegation hole against the side nestling in second-from-bottom above them.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Surprise, surprise - Madridista press blame the ref as Lyon fight back

Tim Stannard — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 14:17:00 GMT

"If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em" is the response from the Madridista press the day after a night before which featured Real Madrid’s latest failure to beat those dastardly Frenchies, Lyon, at the seventh attempt.

Last week, the Barcelona press wailed and whined about the referee robbing Pep’s Dream Boys of victory against Arsenal in London, despite being outplayed for the second 45 minutes and fluffing several golden chances to win the Emirates encounter.

Marca and AS pulled the same ‘look away! nothing to see here!’ trick on Wednesday, with both papers glossing over the fact that José Mourinho’s men played the first half of their Champions League clash in the same style as every other Madrid side has done at the same stage in the competition over the previous six years - appallingly.

If the Madrid manager needed anymore hints that Sergio Ramos is nothing short of a liability in big matches due to his tendency to recklessly fly into needless tackles at any given opportunity, then The Special One was given yet another with a pretty little bow on top placed firmly into his lap in Lyon, with Ramos picking up a booking after just 10 minutes, meaning it was open season down his flank for the rest of the evening.

Ramos was just as dotty and doolally after the match, with the defender lamenting the fact his team had failed to pick up all three points in the tie due to Lyon’s late equaliser through Bafétimbi Gomis. There is now a joke on the Spanish bit of the internet that ponders whether the befuddled Andalusian is still waiting for the second-leg of Spain’s World Cup Final clash against Holland to be played. That would certainly explain why Ramos hasn’t been all there for the past seven months.

Madrid had taken the lead in the Stade de Gerland when Karim Benzema scored just 46 seconds after coming on as a second half substitute. It was a strike that caused Florentino Pérez to break stuffy presidential protocol and leap from his seat in celebration - an act labelled tacky by Marca when Racing owner, Ahsan Ali Syed, reacted similarly after a recent victory for his side. But hell, double standards are part of the fun of this particular ship of fools.

The Madrid president had signed Benzema in the summer of 2009 by going to his family home in Lyon, a personal show of faith which “explains the rare excesses of Florentino who did not react the same way either to Zidane’s goal in Glasgow or the best ones scored by Madrid over the past decade,” writes AS editor, Alfredo Relaño.

As well as oozing over Karim Benzema’s goal, both papers are equally as vocal in their condemnation of the referee, who they feel robbed Madrid of a handsome victory in France. Their main gripe was over a handball in the penalty area by Yoann Gourcuff after the French midfielder was whacked on the arm by a Cristiano Ronaldo free-kick. Iker Casillas moaned after the match that there were “four referees and not one of them called it.”

On a more positive note, AS avoided the temptation to alter an image of said incident to make it look even worse for Lyon but Mad Tomás Roncero did claim that the (non) decision from the referee, Wolfgang Stark, was “an insult to the competition", before sobbing that "with another refereeing trio it would have been 1-2, 1-3."

The answer to the question of whether Real Madrid will go through to the next round is largely a positive one, with Marca’s front page roaring that “the quarters are in sight.”

“Madrid see the bottle as half full, despite the referee and a strong rival. The Whites are closer than ever to the next round,” blurbs Wednesday’s editorial.

Although the odds are certainly tipped in Real Madrid’s favour thanks to the away goal from the back-at-home Benzema, it is set to be another nervous night at the Santiago Bernabeu stadium in three weeks time, with supporters waiting to see if José Mourinho can rid the club of its quarter-final curse for real, rather than just on paper.

Will Lyon cause Madrid to choke in the Champions League once again?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:27:00 GMT

Despite being accused in the Twitter-world last week by a particularly sensitive culé of forming part of an anti-Barcelona, pro-Madrid Spain-based journalistic conspiracy, La Liga Loca must confess that it will probably be cheering for the lions of Lyon in Tuesday’s Champions League tie against Real Madrid.

And before the coughing and spluttering Johnny Madridista goes Bernabeu bonkers and kicks the gold-plated wheel caps off the Mercedes in anger over the blog’s lack of Spanish support, LLL should explain that it has chosen to back the French side simply because Real Madrid getting knocked out at the last sixteen stage of the tournament year after year is funny. Really funny. And that’s what’s most important in La Liga Loca-land.

After all, what would February be without Marca proclaiming that Madrid are really, really, this time, honestly, without doubt on the path to 'The Tenth' every year?

Just think how much duller life would be without the club’s latest expensive signing revealing the shocking news that he would quite like to win the Champions League for José Mourinho / Manuel Pellegrini / Juande Ramos / that fella with the eyebrows / the one who went to Racing for a bit...and...er...

This year, think of the fun to be made of Florentino Pérez and Marca having to explain away the Special One’s failure in the 5-0 Barça-bashing AND a seventh stumbling in the Champions League at the last 16 phase, a result that is entirely possible looking at Madrid’s recent form in the UEFA jamboree.

The forces of Mordor have not won an away game in the knock-out stages of the competition since 2002, have lost out in the last sixteen stages for the past six years and have never beaten Lyon in six attempts. In fact Madrid have lost all three of their visits to the Stade de Gerland in 2005, 2006 and most recently of all in 2010.

“Mourinho was brought in for nights like tonight,” declared Tuesday’s editorial in Marca, setting up the Madrid coach for a particularly entertaining pratfall. “If we were talking about a doctor, you could say that Mourinho is a world famous specialist (in the Champions League)”.

Up until the team-sheets are published, there will be some doubt over José Mourinho’s chosen formation against Lyon and whether it will be Karim Benzema or Emmanuel Adebayor starting up front. The Madrid manager certainly wasn’t telling at Monday’s press conference, where he was sporting a natty white tracksuit top and looked far from the unshaven, baggy-eyed figure that looked like he had been taking naps in a ditch when he spoke before last Saturday’s match with Levante.

“I always like talking about sporting aspects and the team but not today,” teased Mourinho, “so nothing on ‘pivotes’ or ‘trivotes’".

Seated next to the Madrid’s manager was Zinedine Zidane, who was trying to prove to those sniggerers in the Spanish capital that his role at the club as special advisor to Mr President involved an awful lot more than making sure Florentino’s office slippers were of the required temperature and scuppering LLL’s attempts to adjust the club president’s Wikipedia page to reflect that he suffered from webbed feet.

“I’m at training every day, with the coach every day and with the team,” blustered Zizou in a recent interview with l’Equipe. “I have an office!” he added. Possibly without an exclamation mark.

AS have been far too busy sitting on their naughty step without din-dins after publishing a photograph in Monday’s edition which 'proved' Dani Alves was offside in the build-up to one of Barca's goals against Athletic Bilbao on Sunday’s game, having 'accidentally' removed Koikili, who may have been playing the Barça full back onside. Or not.

An apology for the error went up on the paper’s website on Monday morning and there is another humble snivel from the AS editor in Tuesday’s edition with Alfredo Relaño admitting that he had been on Catalan radio stations for much of the day trying to put out the fires in the notoriously prickly culé camp.

Inside the paper, there is a detailed explanation of how the mistake was made - something about overlaying images - with AS’s Barcelona writer admitting in a column that “it was not a good day to give up smoking” and groveling once again.

The good news for all those concerned at AS is that if LLL’s Champions League dream comes true, then there will be an even bigger story to divert attentions away from their mistake - a balls-up that will seem like Mount Everest in comparison, with Lyon making Madrid’s life a misery once again.

Good Day, Bad Day: A Marvellous Messi and a Golden Goalkeeper

Tim Stannard — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 14:49:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Leo Messi
Little Leo was insanely good in spells in Barcelona’s 2-1 win against Athletic Bilbao that should steady a few nerves in the Catalan capital without the need to resort to a swift drink or two.

With the Sunday night score at 1-1 after an early David Villa goal and penalty converted by Iraola - and the headline writers in Madrid about to release “Hay Liga!” onto the world for a second weekend running - Messi popped up with a winner in the second half and it was just reward for a spell of pressure on Athletic where Messi was truly sublime.

“Messi and this Barcelona are the two greatest things in the world,” gasped an over-excited Joan Batlle in Sport on Monday.

Real Madrid
For just one evening, Madrid’s torturous and utterly pointless 2-0 win over Levante reduced the gap with Barcelona to two points. This temporary lift was bubbly enough to get Tomás Roncero all excited, with the AS man declaring that his beloved team are indestructible by comparing Madrid to the evil cyborg in Terminator 2.

“You think you have melted him with a temperature of 3000 degrees and he reunites his molecules once again,” gasped Roncero admiringly after a game where Levante turned up with a five-man defence and had no intention of trying anything at all.

Valencia
Another slip-up at home, this time against Sporting, but one that has had its impact reduced somewhat due to fourth-placed Villarreal dropping points against Málaga.

Daniel Aranzubía
Deportivo super striker Riki is set to be looking over his shoulder - not to see the offside flag going up yet again, but to catch sight of Aranzubía just three goals behind him the the club’s scoring charts. While it's always good to have competition in the ranks at Deportivo – a club where goals are as scarce as... er... goals for Deportivo – Riki will be a tad upset by this statistic as Aranzubía is a goalkeeper.

Desperate times at Depor call for desperate measures – which is why, some five minutes into injury time with the side 1-0 down at Almería, the keeper went up for a corner and ended up heading an equalising effort to scenes of immense bedlam and general mayhem.

Kun Agüero
The lunatic local press in the Spanish capital have now ditched the narrative of Atlético Madrid's Doomed Campaign to Atlético Heading For Europe after a Kun Agüero goal stopped a run of four league defeats with a win at struggling Zaragoza.

However, these three points were very much in the balance with Zaragoza having a late rally and striking the crossbar twice. “The first stone in the path,” noted Quique on the club’s renewed recovery which will probably coming crashing down to earth again with a home defeat to Sevilla next weekend.

Sevilla
Not exactly brilliant in their 1-0 win over Hércules, with Alvaro Negredo perhaps the best of the bunch, but not exactly terrible either. And Gregorio Manzano will take that, with the Sevilla boss claiming before the match that he was looking for a result to make the team “smile a little bit” after Thursday’s 2-1 defeat at home to Porto.

Sporting
Looks like a slog up to the Santiago Bernabeu in the rain to watch the reality of paint-drying portrayed in the form of a football match was still preferable to Valencia and Sporting’s goalless draw on Saturday evening, a match whose general theme seemed to be ‘dull’ according to the morning after's press ramblings.

Still, it’s another fine result for Sporting, whose two points from the last two games against Barcelona and Valencia are as unexpected as they are welcome. Had these points not been gathered on hostile turf, Sporting would have been second-from-bottom on Monday.

Marcelino
Two games in charge at Racing for the marvelous Marcelino and two wins, the latest coming at Getafe with a 1-0 victory in the Coliseum. Sadly, there was no sign of the exuberant celebrations from the club’s owner Ali Syed after last weekend’s antagonistic antics against Sevilla.

José Luis Mendilibar
Another coach having a fine debut with his club is the new boss of Osasuna, who promised to return a more robust brand of football to the Pamplonan club and came through with Osasuna managing a 4-0 win against Espanyol that was largely owed to chucking a whole bag of crosses into the opposition box at any given opportunity.

BAD DAY

Villarreal
A tough break on Sunday for Villarreal, who are now without a Primera win in three. The side should have gone into the final few minutes in the clash against Málaga 2-0 up after a goal from Marco Rubén and a clear-cut, clattering penalty tackle on Nilmar by Eliseu. But the spot-kick wasn’t given, leaving Villarreal vulnerable to a counter-attack by Málaga who brought the scores back to 1-1 with just eight minutes left.

Almería
There is the feeling that Aranzubía’s freak effort costing Almería two points at home could see the heads dropping a tad on the south coast with the side now with just one win in four and second from bottom of the table.

“It’s going to be hard to lift the spirits of the team,” admitted Almería boss José Luis Oltra after the Deportivo draw. “It’s really tough to see someone score like that when you have done everything to win the game.”

Espanyol
Espanyol’s loss to Osasuna was the club’s fourth straight defeat and sees the side hanging onto a European place by just three points. Should this form continue for much longer, the decision to sell defenders Víctor Ruíz and Didac may be very costly indeed.

Hércules
A 1-0 defeat at Sevilla sees Hércules having won just the single away game in the league all season. Remarkably, it’s the 2-0 victory in the Camp Nou.

Felipe Caicedo
A fine spell of three wins from three was ended by Real Madrid but striker Felipe Caicedo – currently on loan to Levante from Manchester City – says that it won’t stop what could be a successful survival campaign. “If we play with the same spirit as today then we’ll stay up,” said the Ecuadorian forward in a chat with LLL after a match where Caicedo wasn’t given a sniff of a chance on goal by his team-mates.

And on the subject of what will happen over the summer after a campaign in which Caicedo has already banged home nine goals, the Man City man revealed that “I have ambitions and the desire to go to a club which is fighting to win titles, but I am happy here at Levante, I feel very comfortable. Levante are happy with me and are keen to invoke my buy-out clause [of one million euro] so we’ll have to wait and see what happens.”

The knee-rubbing, thigh-maiming weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 10:27:00 GMT

Saturday

Valencia (3rd) v Sporting (16th)

If the wind blows in the right direction for Sporting, this season, it could be a painful summer for goalscoring hero-boy, David Barral. The forward, who won Sporting a point against Barça last Saturday, has revealed what he would do should his side stay in la Primera this season. “I’ll get the Sporting badge tattooed onto my thigh as the club has given me a lot and I’m grateful.”

Meanwhile in Mestalla, a week wouldn’t be complete without a player have a whine and a moan to the press. This time around it was Juan Mata, who claimed he was fit and ready to play against Schalke on Tuesday despite an ankle knock that has seen the Valencia forward missing the past couple of weeks of action.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Real Madrid (2nd) v Levante (15th)

“Come in number four! Your time is up!” - that’s the message from José Mourinho at the moment with the Madrid manager choosing to drop Sergio Ramos to the bench for last weekend’s Espanyol game to give Alvaro Arbeloa a starting role.

This switch came just a few days after Mourinho claimed in an interview with Real Madrid TV that the player at the club he most admired was the former Liverpool fullback, for being blessed with his big managerial love - consistency.

“I can say that Arbeloa is the type of player who may not impress people because he isn’t Maradona or Zidane, but he has never played a six, he is always a seven or nine,” mused the Special One.

Unfortunately, the nearest that Sergio Ramos will get to a score of nine this season is in his red card tally over the course of the campaign. If he ever plays, that is.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (17th) v Atlético Madrid (11th)

If there’s one gentleman rubbing his hands, knees and everything else that’s legal to jiggle in public, it’s Zaragoza coach, Javier Aguirre. Two years ago, the Mexican manager was fired by Atleti’s dithering duo, Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil (who's on €1.35m a year according to an Atlético opposition group) due to his league record of just 32 points from 21 matches. The current muggins in charge at the Vicente Calderón, Quique Sánchez Flores, has managed a measly in comparison 30 points from 23 rounds, spelling 'danger, danger, high voltage' for the eye-liner wearing one.

Knowing the potty-mouthed, grumpy guts tendencies of Aguirre, it wouldn't be a surprise to see a handshake of consolation for Quique after a Zaragoza victory and a swift middle finger to his former bosses straight after.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Getafe (7th) v Racing Santander (13th)

Normally LLL is desperately trawling the news sites for something vaguely exciting to say about Racing Santander. Once, the blog even reported a story concerning a local fountain that had been cleaned up in case the fans ever needed a rallying point for a great victory. More public money gone to waste, really.

But those days are gone, gone, gone ever since Ahsan Ali Syed took over the club. This week LLL is opting to cover the wild, boogie-wonderland celebrations of Racing’s new owner after the Sevilla victory that had Marca tutting over the Indian businessman’s lack of “manners and courtesy.” AS show much more humanity and humour by commenting that “looking at his happy face nobody thought that his actions had malevolent intent.”

Ali Syed responded to the storm in a thimble by making a public apology to Sevilla president, José María Del Nido, who was sat a couple of seats away and looked most peeved indeed. “It’s natural to show joy when your team plays and wins,” explained the Racing boss.

The problem there is that Del Nido has completely forgotten what that feels like.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (4th) v Málaga (20th)

“We are going to Naples to change our image,” claimed Joan Capdevila ahead of Villarreal’s Europa league tie, so the fullback would probably consider the evening as mission accomplished with Villarreal picking up a goalless draw in the refuse-rotting capital of Europe.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (19th) v Deportivo (14th)

And so Miguel Angel Lotina survives as Deportivo boss to bore everyone to death for another day. After a set-piece inspired 1-0 win over Villarreal last week, Depor now travel to another relegation-threatened club in the shape of Almería. However, Lotina says he is ready for a bus load more stress if necessary. “If I have one quality, it’s that I am one of the coaches who best handles pressure,” boasted Lotina.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (18th) v Espanyol (6th)

José Antonio Camacho has gone but José Luis Mendilibar has arrived to lead Osasuna into a bright new future, returning to the side the laudable values admired and loved by watchers of the Pamplona based club all over the world - violence and thuggery.

“I’m the best coach for Osasuna’s style” boasted Mendilibar during his unveiling on Wednesday, “fighting and aggression.” LLL, for one, cannot wait to see Osasuna going back to basics.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (8th) v Hércules (12th)

It’s been a week of defeatist, chin-offering talk from Sevilla’s veteran forwards, with Luis Fabiano once again saying that he wants out of the club having only just signed a contract keeping him in. “I had offers from Corinthians, Santos, Internacional, some to buy and some for a loan, but the club wouldn’t negotiate,” complained the these days less-than-fab Fabiano over the winter window transfer activity.

Freddie Kanouté cranked up the negativity by agreeing with everyone else in Spain that a Champions League place is a busted flush this year for Sevilla. with the Andalusian side 14 points away from the G-spots. “We have to be realistic and think that our objective is to go for the Europa League,” mused the mighty Malian forward.

That goal has been eased a bit as it looks like Sevilla might be slipping out of this year’s competition after going down 2-1 at home in their first leg tie against Porto giving them plenty of rest time for their new challenge in la Liga.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Athletic Bilbao (5th)

Barça fans often have rather delicate sensibilities - the smug cloud over the Catalan capital seems to have an impact in other parts of the world - so this makes it excellent sport to give Pep’s Dream Boys a good old kicking on the rare occasions that things aren’t going so well for them just to see the culé collective get a bit uppity.

That’s why LLL is declaring CRISIS IN THE CAMP NOU after the draw against Sporting and defeat to Arsenal. Sadly, the blog is the only organ doing so - even Marca and AS are going easy with their coverage. The former even attempts analysis and does a good job of it to and notes that whenever Barça slip up it’s down to the absence of Carles Puyol.

However the paper then lets itself down a bit by musing that the drop in form is due to it being February - a poor month for Pep, normally - Guardiola signing his contract leading to complacency and Piqué getting jiggy with Shakira.

Mundo Deportivo save the best reason for last with Friday’s edition noting that whenever they feel Barça have been hard done to by refs in Europe, they are apparently the buddies of José Mourinho.

LLL thinks the crisis may be down to a few language issues in the camp.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Real Sociedad (9th) v Mallorca (10th)

Don’t care.

LLL Prediction - Home win, whatever.

Catalan press still fearing Fabregas - despite his 'Barcelona-ness'

Tim Stannard — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 15:15:00 GMT

Always looking to see a glass half empty and teeming with algae, LLL was all with the despair, sighing and forehead-slapping when it was announced that Barcelona and Arsenal would be thrown together in the Champions League for yet another year.

The two-headed tie meant one more round of Cesc Fabregas ‘heart playing against head’ nonsense and the notion that both games starting with Wednesday’s clash at the Emirates Stadium would be paradise on earth starring the only two teams on the planet that play football properly.

In the blog’s not-so-humble but fairly grumpy opinion, the tie will be hard-pushed to beat Saturday’s Racing vs Sevilla clash, even in the game of the week stakes.

LLL is already right on the first point, having flipped through Wednesday’s papers in the Catalan capital which pick up the supposed divided loyalties of Cesc theme, sniff it, give it a tentative lick, roar in anger and then hammer it into the ground until it’s as flat and lifeless as a Deportivo game.

The front cover of Sport informs some of its more confused readers who may have assumed the Arsenal midfielder was a Barcelona player due to the amount of times he appears in the paper that Cesc will not be “a friend, but a rival.”

It’s a message jammed home by Mundo Deportivo, too, with Miguel Rico writing that “nobody that knows Cesc can doubt his Barcelona-ness, but at the same time everyone knows as well that he is the captain of Arsenal.”

Cesc shows his 'Barcelona-ness'...over ten years ago

The paper sums up the mood in the Camp Nou...er...camp which echoes last year’s - that Arsenal may put up some resistance, but ultimately they will be squashed by Field Marshall Pep and his Dream Boys after the two ties are over. And that Leo Messi will surely score in England for the first time. Not something that was ever a problem for Gerard Piqué in his spell at Old Trafford. In the football sense of course.

“Today’s Arsenal is better than last year’s. But so is today’s Barça,” warns Sani Nolla in Wednesday’s edition of Mundo Deportivo. “Barcelona with their gala 11 should score in London but know that it is important to win after the whole 180 minutes.”

Guardiola has said all the usual guff about respecting their opponents and preferring to watch Arsenal rather than play them and, to be fair, it is a wonder that he had the time to share these feelings at all as the Barça party will only be spending 30 short hours in London, following Pep’s preference for feverish in-and-out affairs at away games, rather than dirty weekends.

Barça arrived in London on Tuesday evening, turning down the chance to trot around the Emirates pitch. Instead the Dream Boys headed to Loftus Road for a Wednesday morning stretch and to give Bojan a taste of the Football League - where he may be farmed out unless the wee nipper starts scoring some goals sharpish.

On a prediction front, LLL wouldn’t be at all surprised if Barcelona pick up the same scoreline as la Liga rivals Valencia did in their match against Schalke 04 on Tuesday night, a 1-1 draw.

Once again, Unai Emery confounded all predictions ahead of the game of his approach with wholesale changes in players and formation from the side that beat Atlético 2-1 on Saturday.

Five newbies came into the starting eleven, and for a while it worked with Valencia taking the lead through Roberto Soldado, who has now scored six in the Champions League this season. Which is insane.

However, the pesky kid named Raúl undid the good work of the first half, leaving Valencia facing a tricky task in the away tie in Gelsenkirchen next month. Pep Guardiola would probably be quite content with a similar result to that the German’s managed in the Mestalla.

Raúl’s return brings muted response in Madrid

Tim Stannard — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 14:43:00 GMT

In any normal, functioning, right-thinking dimension, the return of Raúl to Spanish shores for the first time since heading off to Schalke would have produced the journalistic equivalent of marching bands and nudey cheerleaders in the Madridista Marca with ‘el Gran Capitán’ popping into Valencia’s Mestalla stadium for Tuesday’s Champions League clash.

However, la Liga is the most unusual place where up is down, down is up and Ricardo Carvalho looks good - and this sees Raúl’s return pushed to page 15 in Tuesday’s edition. The reason is that the former Madrid number seven was never Florentino Pérez’ most bestest buddy because of the pull the forward possessed in the dressing room and his popularity with fans. And what Florentino doesn’t like, doesn’t tend to appear in his favourite paper.

This presidential grudge isn’t a problem for AS, though, who still harbour a soft spot for the grumpy old so-and-so and dedicate the front and inside pages to Raúl’s Champions League challenge against Valencia. “Raúl is the enemy, but a friendly enemy,” notes the paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño.

Raúl’s Bundesliga team - which also contains other la Liga outcasts such as José Jurado, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Christophe Metzelder - have a testing time in store for them on the Spanish east coast, with opponents Valencia in the dinkiest run of form with five wins from six in la Primera. But the former Madrid captain doesn’t think that this will hurt Schalke’s chances too much.

"What? Page 15? Seriously...!?"

“It’s a ground that has been good to me,” recalled Raúl fondly, “I hope to score again.” Unai Emery was less keen to take a tootle down memory lane observing that “Raúl makes this game a big one but there are other footballers too.”

Tuesday’s match heralds the second day of duty of the week for those loving a bit of Spanish sauce in their football. The first was on Monday in la Liga when Mallorca ended Athletic’s run of four wins to pick up a 1-0 victory in the Balearics to leave the dishy Dane’s men in tenth and on 31 points, one place and one point above poor old Atlético.

On the subject of flippin’ awful teams in dire straits, Osasuna have confirmed their decision to sack José Antonio Camacho, just two weeks after he lead his team to a 1-0 win over Real Madrid. The problem for the former Madrid manager is that the victory was Osasuna’s only three-point pick up in eleven. The club’s most recent defeat was a 1-0 reverse to Real Sociedad on Sunday which left the Pamplona side in the relegation zone and still without an away win.

Despite this rather dismal record, Camacho was rather peeved by his sacking, spluttering that “I’m sad as they haven’t let me get on with my job, and I have to say good bye to some good friends.”

“It was the right moment to make the change,” countered Osasuna president, Pachi Izco.

Camacho suffered at a club where not all the fans were behind him due to his Madridista past and which appears to be steadily declining and becoming creakier by the day. The new manager who has to keep the Pamplonans in la Primera is José Luis Mendilibar, last seen getting sacked by Valladolid. LLL is not entirely sure that he is going to be successful in his task.

Good Day, Bad Day: Iker's day off, Joaquín's grin & forlorn Forlan

Tim Stannard — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:58:00 GMT

Good Day

Iker Casillas

The Madrid captain only had to work just the one-and-half minutes after his sending off against Espanyol on Sunday and now gets next weekend off too. Lucky so-and-do. This has LLL imagining the fun that could be had when combining of one of the goalkeeper’s sponsors - beer company, Mahou - and some a free weekend. A few sleepless nights for the residents of Mostoles, perhaps.

Espanyol

LLL is feeling most kind today and has put Espanyol in the Good Day section after a performance that the blog felt contributed to a cracking game against Real Madrid. A vigorous handshake too to the referee, Mateu Lahoz, who has again received praise in the Spanish press for letting all the silly stuff go by the wayside to help the spectacle (although not for sending off Casillas in certain Madrid-based papers).

Still, Paul from Barcelona watching from the stands wasn’t too happy with him....

Well that was fun, losing at home against ten men. Basically Real Madrid were better, deserved to win and despite playing well, Kameni was beaten at his near post again. Espanyol are putting too much faith in the kids and we are getting beaten by experience. Madrid are nothing special and Manchester United and Barça won’t be losing any sleep.

Usual Madrid fans dotted around the stadium. Ref was as you’d expect. Madrid had carte blanche after Casillas was sent off. No ref would ever reduce Madrid to nine so Xabi Alonso stayed on despite about six yellow card fouls. Marcelo was man of the match by a mile.

Ronaldo giving the diving sign to Callejón was priceless. No doubt he went home to hurl rocks in his greenhouse.

Paul, Barcelona

Joaquín

Always a pleasure to see a chirpy, cheeky grin from Joaquín, who was making just his third league start for Valencia in 2011 but still grabbed two goals to lift the Mestallamen into third ahead of a faltering Villarreal.

It’s a very comfortable position for Valencia to be in with their Champions League campaign restarting against Schalke on Tuesday - a campaign that could see Unai Emery’s men sneaking through to the semis, crystal balls LLL (as long as they don’t play anyone hard in the quarters. Or lose to Schalke).

Sporting

LLL is looking forward to hearing all about the Valentine’s Day package of chocs and saucy undies that José Mourinho will be sending to Manuel Preciado in way of expressing his appreciation for his masterminding Sporting’s performance against Barcelona to reduce the gap at the top of the table to five points and as means of apology for his suggestion that Sporting didn’t try in September’s Camp Nou clash.

Marcelino

It was a welcome three points for new Racing boss, Marcelino, after a 3-2 stonker against Sevilla that was won by the home side after an injury time effort from a blubbering, Arana. However it did come at a physical cost for the coach who was starting his second spell in Santander - a sore bum after slipping celebrating a Racing goal and a voice that was lost to the winds after watching his team throw away a 2-0 lead.

Málaga

Losing 2-0 to Getafe, it looked like being another tough day for bottom of the table Málaga. However, a penalty struck by Julio Baptista and a late, late effort by Rondón gave Málaga a point, although in truth three were needed if the southern side are to get out of their sticky situation. “From a football perspective, we are on the right path,” claimed a half-happy manager, Manuel Pellegrini, after the game.

Francisco Farinós

In his fifth season for Hércules, the midfielder had to wait until the Alicante side’s match-up against Barcelona a fortnight ago after a spell on the sidelines with injury for eight months for his Primera debut with the club. Unfortunately, the return for Farinós was not exactly a fun one with the veteran being sent off soon after coming onto the pitch after a rash tackle and castigating himself for playing like a ‘little kid’.

Farinós’ second return was a much merrier affair with the Hércules player scoring a scorcher from thirty yards and then providing an assist for David Trezeguet in Sunday’s 2-1 win against Zaragoza.

Levante

Sunday’s 1-0 win over relegation rivals, Almería, was Levante’s fourth victory on the bounce. It’s run that sees coach, Luis García, facing next weekend’s trip to the Bernabeu with “nothing to lose.”

Bad Day

Barcelona

No, it wasn’t the dreaded ‘FIFA virus’ international break, nor resting of three starters for the clash against Sporting that caused Barcelona to drop two points. Nor was it Barça underestimating their opponents, focussing too much on Arsenal, or Madrid based refereeing conspiracies.

The 1-1 draw up in Gijón was down to the excellent work of Barça’s opponents and the simple matter that it isn’t possible for the Dream Boys to win every single game of football. That’s why the previous record of 15 league victories in a row stood for 50 years.

Villarreal

A second defeat in a row for Villarreal, this time against Deportivo, sees Juan Carlos Garrido’s men going through a poor run of form that was probably due, after the side’s brilliant first half of the season. Nevertheless, it has allowed Valencia to sneak up into third place and has the Villarreal coach calling for a quick response next week against Málaga.

Atlético Madrid

Atleti thoroughly deserved to lose their previous three league games but it wasn’t the case on Saturday, where LLL was down at the Calderón to witness - as much as it is possible to do so from the very top of the main stand - a match where Atleti deserved a point but lost 2-1 to leave the home fans calling for the head of the ever unpopular co-owner, Miguel Angel Gil, rather than Quique Sánchez Flores.

Atleti are now in their worst run in the league since 1998-99. The last time the club lost four in a row, it caused the sacking of Arrigo Sacchi, but this time round Quique looks temporarily safe due to a decent performance from his side on Saturday with the other co-owner, Enrique Cerezo, promising that “Quique will carry on at Atlético no matter what happens against Zaragoza, Sevilla and the next games.”

LLL, for one, is not fully convinced by this assertion with its spider tenses tingling like nobody’s business.

Diego Forlán

A missed penalty for the Atlético striker with the scores at 1-1 sees an already rotten season get even worse for a depressed Diego.

Sevilla

Defeat to Racing and just two points from the last nine sees Sevilla’s season slipping further down the plughole of doom. It was no wonder that club president, José María Del Nido, looked so glum slouched in his VIP chair. That and the sight of his Racing counterpart, Ali Syed, going ballistic and actually doing a bit of a dance at the end of the match to celebrate the 3-2 win.

José Antonio Camacho

Another head rolls in la Primera with Osasuna boss, José Antonio Camacho, finding his booty fired after a 1-0 defeat to Real Sociedad. His former Pamplonan side are still without an away win in la Liga all season and have drifted into the relegation quagmire.

The disrespected, greedy guts weekend Primera Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 10:14:00 GMT

Saturday

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Valencia (4th)

Predicting Quique Sánchez Flores’ demise at Atleti has been a tricky old business for the past few months - every time it seems that the trap door is about to open on his Rojiblanco tenure, the lever gets jammed. Part of that cog-clogging confusion is down to the different approaches the club’s two owners have over Quique.

As LLL gossiped on Wednesday, Enrique Cerezo would like to stick with the Eye-liner-wearing One until the end of the season, whilst Miguel Angel Gil hinted rather darkly in an interview with AS that he would like to see the back of the club’s latest under-fire coach.

Rumours and scurrilous stories have already begun in the press, with Sevilla’s Gregorio Manzano being seen as the favourite to take over at the Vicente Calderón - a bench he occupied for a season in 2003 - if Quique’s football pie goes all crusty against Valencia on Saturday.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (13th) v Barcelona (1st)

If Barcelona are going to bring in Cesc Fabregas over the summer - and there are some doubts over that with rumblings suggesting that cantera drone 3875984, Thiago Alcántara, will be the new Cesc - then it seems that Barça are going to have to sell before they can buy.

Busy stamping price tags onto Bojan’s forehead this week was Barcelona’s financial VP, Javier Faus, who helpfully revealed to all selling clubs precisely how much money there was in the coffers of Pep’s Dream Boys to splurge on footballers in the close season.

That figure is around €40m-€50m says Faus, who revealed that it probably wouldn’t be enough to lure the Ipswich-insulting, fourth-official baiting midfielder to the Catalan capital considering Arsenal turned down a €40m bid last summer.

Faus also admitted that the megabuck signing of Fernando Torres by Chelsea certainly won’t help any potential move either. “It will have a bearing on Arsenal’s valuation of their player. Another thing is the player’s wages to come and any agreements or promises he may have.”

LLL Prediction - Away win

Racing Santander (16th) v Sevilla (7th)

A familiar face in the form of Marcelino eased himself onto the squeaky managerial bench in el Sardinero after the sacking of Miguel Angel Portugal on Monday. Racing’s new boss lead the club to its best ever season - a sixth place finish in 2008 - before taking the curious decision to leave Santander to manage at second division Real Zaragoza before being sacked within months of taking the madcap outfit back into la Primera.

But Marcelino has returned as a hero and will thus end all the stories which linked him with all the other four Primera clubs who ditched their bosses this year, along with those who almost did.

One of those sides was Sporting with Manuel Preciado very close to the sack indeed after a huge wobble in January. Fortunately the team managed to pick up enough points to prevent Preciado’s firing and help give some handy relief to Marcelino who was expected to be his successor.

“When I’m not working, I live in Gijón, my homeland and I was afraid that if the situation could not be saved people would then say ‘this is Marcelino, he took us down to the second,” chuckled Racing’s new ruler.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Hércules (15th) v Real Zaragoza (12th)

There’s more angry folk in Alicante this week - and for once Royston Drenthe isn't among them. Former Real Madrid striker, Javier Portillo, has had a public hissy fit over the amount of playing time he has been afforded for Hércules this season.

Portillo has been given just two starts and 11 substitute appearances in the current campaign, but feels that his remarkable record of 20 goals in seven-and-half-seasons in la Primera makes him worthy of equal treatment of both Nelson Valdez and David Trezeguet - both of whom have banged in at least as many top-flight goals in six months as Portillo has managed in his entire career.

“From the first day I came to today, I have behaved phenomenally and I think I deserve a bit of respect,” huffed Portillo, who joined the rest of the unhappy campers at the east coast club.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (20th) v Getafe (9th)

It was terribly bad news for Sergio Asenjo, this week, who discovered that he has knacked the cruciate ligament in his knee for the second time in a year and is set to be out for the next eight months.

The on loan Atleti keeper first crocked his cruciate last May had only just started his comeback but Asenjo twisted his knee awkwardly in last weekend’s draw against Sevilla reigniting the same injury.

LLL normally poo-poos ‘Animo’ t-shirts sported by team-mates who may have hurt their tootsies, but this time the blog will let it pass should it happen on Sunday.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (18th) v Almería (19th)

More cheering news from Levante, with Luis García continuing his mission to save the side from relegation through motivational videos and team building exercises. So far, the Levante boss has been able to secure back to back wins against Getafe and Villarreal using techniques that show his players are “brothers” rather than team-mates

The most recent victory against Villarreal was achieved by showing the playing squad images of the immensely inspirational Team Hoyt - a father, Dick, who pushes his mentally-handicapped son, Rick, in his wheelchair during marathons and triathlons.

LLL Prediction - Home win (of course)

Real Sociedad (10th) v Osasuna (14th)

Modest man of the week award goes to la Real’s Xabi Prieto who, despite being the side’s top scorer and assist maker, claims that his “absence won’t be noticed” due to suspension against Osasuna on Sunday. But that perhaps says more about the quality of the opposition than Prieto’s own abilities.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (17th) v Villarreal (3rd)

Gadzooks! Potential sacking alert and it’s coming at relegation-threatened Deportivo (how good it feels to write those words!), who have picked up just the one win in eight to leave the Galician side just one place and a single point above the drop zone.

All this leaves the job of Miguel Angel Lotina hanging rather precariously in the balance. And the Lord of Doom knows it too. “If the president tells me that it’s over, I’ll go back to where I came from, satisfied with what I achieved here. If they believe this is what’s needed to solve the problems and it’s for the good of the club, I’ll understand,” gloomed Lotina.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (6th) v Real Madrid (2nd)

LLL has had the chance to interview Pepe, and he’s a lovely small-faced fella despite the defender’s occasional on-pitch psychopathic tendencies. However, Marca appears to have the biggest of grudges against the pleasant-natured Portuguese stopper and have been running a campaign than suggests Pepe is a greedy guts.

Not for the first time, the paper reports that the Madrid man is refusing to accept a pay increase of €2m a year from the current level of €1.5m in contract extension talks. Marca even went so far as to make up a whole conversation between Florentino Pérez and poor Pepe with the Madrid president ‘saying’ that the Ramón Calderón signing was injury-prone, a bit nuts and not worth any more in any deal to extend his current contract past 2012.

The paper was all with the imagination again, on Thursday, with Marca claiming that Sergio Ramos would be moved into the centre of defence should Pepe ponce off with Florentino ‘praising’ Ramos as ‘the new Hierro’. The Andalusian certainly matches the former centre back for his iffy disciplinary record.

If all this nonsense turns out to be true then there is going to be a collision course with José Mourinho who is quite the fan of his returning from injury defender. “The team is at its best with Pepe,” claimed The Special One, setting up a the potential for a rift over the club president making decisions on the playing squad rather than the coach. Quite the rarity at Real Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Draw (oh yes)

Monday

Mallorca (11th) v Athletic Bilbao (5th)

Although things are going rather well for Athletic boss, Joaquín Caparrós, with his side on the brink of a tilt for the Champions League places, the same cannot be said for Gregorio Manzano, the coach currently at a club that ‘Jokin’ used to manage.

With players grumbling about Manzano’s odd managerial ways, stories have spread in the Spanish press, this week, that Caparrós would be heading back to the city he was born in and to the side he coached between 2000 and 2005.

However, all this transfer talk is tosh it seems with Caparrós claiming that “I’m still living in Bilbao. My contract says I have two more years. I’m happy, content, excited, we are in fifth. Every day I can see the side getting better.”

That’s certainly something that can’t be said for Sevilla at the moment...

LLL Prediction - Away win

Pep signs up for more Primera pain

Tim Stannard — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 14:59:00 GMT

Despite not appearing to enjoy one micro-second of his job – then again, no manager in la Liga seems to get any fun out of a season in Spain at all, aside from Joaquín Caparrós, and he isn’t right in the head, quite frankly – Pep Guardiola has stopped yet another soap opera in its tracks in the Catalan capital for a good six months by agreeing to renew his contract with his Dream Boys until the end of the 2011-2012 campaign.

LA LIGA LOCA, 9 Nov 2010: The only coach who loves La Liga life

Pep prefers to take things one year at a time in the Camp Nou, leading to an annual crop of headlines from the local sporting press predicting that “He’s going to sign!”, “He’s going to sign soon!” and “He’s going to sign! No really! Any second now! Just hang on one minute more! Please! Fine, up yours then!”

It was no different this season – hence the big saggy gasp of relief on Wednesday’s front covers of both Sport and Mundo Deportivo screaming “Renewed!” after the club announced that Guardiola was set to formally extend his contract later this week.

As well as Barça fans being happy bunnies, the club’s ‘B’ team coach Luis Enrique must also have been doing the dance of joy, considering the former culé would have been the probable manager at the Camp Nou should Pep have opted to spend the next few years in the Caribbean furiously rubbing Rogaine into his scalp.

CONFESSIONS OF A CORRESPONDENT, 4 Feb 2011: Ironman Enrique following in former team-mate Pep's footsteps

Sport's Josep María Casanovas is pleased as punch with the news, opining that “Guardiola is a distinct coach, even in the way he renews [his contract]. They offered him four years and he preferred one, a formula that works well and we have become accustomed to. I hope it is the same again next year.”

Atlético have also dropped into Wednesday’s headlines with the club’s two comedy owners Enrique Cerezo and Miguel Angel Gil up in the studios of radio station Cadena Ser to explain themselves, their conflicting statements to the press and the mess that the Rojiblancos find themselves in with the team nearer the relegation zone than the Champions League places.

After doing reasonably well attempting to convince listeners that they do in fact speak to each other and are not dysfunctional to the core of their DNA, the pompous pair showed that they held a very different point of view on the future of Quique Sánchez Flores.

Cerezo praised his coach, claiming that “over the past few years he’s the only manager to have brought two titles to the team.” Gil, on the other hand, managed to immediately contradict his partner by warning that it would be “very bad if we have to go without qualifying for Europe.”

Quique Flores: "Should I stay or should I go?"

In a sure sign that Atleti’s star player will next season don Real Madrid's No.10 shirt ( a shirt that Marca grumbles that it has been “devalued” over the years – hence the need to sign someone shiny and famous), Gil assured the listeners that Kun Agüero would not be moving up the hill to Mordor.

“Agüero is not going to Real Madrid, not this year nor next,” warned Miguel Angel, son of Jesús Gil. “The clause being paid won’t happen as the player doesn’t want to go and Atlético won’t let it happen.”

Despite the abundance of such tittle-tattle in the press, there's still a game taking place on Wednesday with Spain facing Colombia in a friendly clash in the Bernabeu. However, having all of the country’s big stars gathered together has merely given an excuse to the press to bombard the footballers with the current hot topics of who is better, Messi or Ronaldo, and whether Real Madrid can catch Barça.

One player who was probed throughly on a different topic was Fernando Torres, who went on Cadena Ser to explain his move from Liverpool to Chelsea which, according to LLL’s sources, has stirred up a bit of a controversy in that there England.

“My intention was to see out the campaign, to have a good year and do the best possible in this season of transition,”explained Torres. However, the departure of Javier Mascherano to Barcelona appears to have turned up the dial on the former Rojiblanco’s rage.

“I lost a bit of my desire and patience when seeing the level my Spain teammates at Real Madrid and Barcelona were at, winning titles. Days became longer and going to training when a large part of the season was spent near the bottom of the table made everything feel slow,” complained Torres, who said that the Chelsea train was the one that he had to ride.

However, LLL reckons that after Wednesday’s game, Torres will have even more explaining to do... as well as being asked about who the century’s new Di Stéfano is, of course.

Shakira, a 21st century Di Stéfano and Vanilla Ice's haircut

Tim Stannard — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 17:01:00 GMT

Should Atlético Madrid lose to Valencia on Saturday and Quique Sánchez Flores be given the elbow, then it will blooming well serve the Rojiblanco manager right for opening up a can of stinky, wriggly worms at the weekend when he commented that Leo Messi was an Alfredo Di Stéfano for the new century.

Real Madrid immediately responded with Jorge Valdano claiming that Ronaldo was Spartacus after his brace against Real Sociedad a day later, an assertion backed by the cover of Monday and Tuesday's edition of Marca, a paper that has Ronaldo claiming that “it’s an honour to be compared with Di Stéfano,” before confessing that thought the old fella wheeled in to attend all the club’s official functions was Florentino’s Dad.

The Catalan papers have responded quite huffily - you can tell it’s an thumb-twiddling international week - with Sport’s headline on Tuesday wailing pathetically that “They are going for Messi!”

“Mourinho says he gets tackled less! Valdano says Ronaldo is the new Di Stéfano! Cristiano is obsessed with Messi!” whines the front cover, referring to the Madrid manager’s recent suggestion that little Leo gets an easy time of it from opposition defenders. Perhaps aside from Tomás Ujfalusi, we would suggest...

However, despite what the paper’s lead claims, Josep María Casanovas writes that Barça don’t care much for the Di Stéfano comparisons anyway - whilst giving Madrid a firm kick in the knackers for good measure.

“Di Stéfano lead a Madrid in white and black that had all the favour of the era’s authoritarian Francoism. Messi, thanks to TV, has become a world star that collects titles and awakens passions.”

The Messi v Ronaldo ‘who’s got the biggest wanger’ contest continues in the Madrid press with both Marca and AS pointing out that cold, hard, statistics prove that the latter is fouled more than the former. However neither organ could be bothered to discover the root cause of this, especially as Ronaldo was only the seventh most fouled player in la Primera, with José Callejón topping that list, probably in retaliation for the Espanyol midfielder’s beloved Vanilla Ice tribute haircut.

"Please stop fouling me - I've got an appointment with my stylist tomorrow!"

Those readers who hadn’t lopped their own arms off, ‘127 Hours’ style, to prevent them from turning more pages to read such nonsense would have missed some actual news tucked away in the middle of Tuesday’s editions - the Spanish top-flight’s fifth managerial casualty of the season.

New Racing owner, Ahsan Ali Syed, has decided to clear Miguel Angel Portugal’s desk with the Cantabrian side having failed to win a league game since 12th November, managing just 17 goals all season - a record that leaves Racing in 16th.

The sacking also came a day after criticism of his tactics came from one of his own players, with AS reporting midfielder Colsa’s complaints that, “I can’t move on the pitch, Lacen and I are alone against four guys.”

At a press conference on Tuesday, Portugal bid farewell after a 15-month spell in charge in Santander and revealed that “I’ve never met with señor Ali. I suppose there was a business analysis of the club’s situation and this analysis decided that another manager should continue this evolution and that’s it.”

Apparently, the former coach was not the only one who has had no contact with his big boss, as none of the footballers have either. “We’ve still not met him, he’s not been down to see us. It’s important that he comes and chats to us,” hinted goalkeeper, Toño.

In more frivolous news, Mundo Deportivo, have plastered their front page with a photo that Gerard Piqué posted to his Facebook and Twitter account which shows the defender with a group of friends but also nestled nicely behind Shakira whilst celebrating his 24th birthday after Saturday’s win against Atlético.

“Impacto!” yells Tuesday’s front cover with the paper reporting that Piqué has used the photo to ‘out’ his relationship with the booty-shakin’ beauty - an action that will surely result in LLL’s next trip to see Barcelona involving security and a distraught blog shouting “she’s too good for you!” whilst being thrown out of the stadium.

Good Day, Bad Day: A Frowning Forlán and Dr Flappy McBobbins

Tim Stannard — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 18:42:00 GMT

GOOD DAY

Leo Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo
Li'l Leo's hat-trick against Atlético and Ronaldo's brace against Real Sociedad – ending what for him was something resembling a drought for normal players after three league games without a goal – sees both footballers tied on 23 goals for the season in la Liga. That’s unless you're a Marca reader, in which case you’ll believe Ronaldo has 24, what with the paper having ignored pretty much every other media outlet in Spain by handing the Madrid man a deflected goal by Pepe against Real Sociedad earlier in the season.

And on a Marca tangent, LLL was disappointed last week to note the absence of the regular ‘Di Stefano prize’ – the ongoing award for the best player of the season, as voted for by the readers. Last week, Madrid's defeat to Osasuna saw Ronaldo fail to win the week’s votes with Leo Messi apparently coming first – thus leading to a bit of an award blackout at the paper, according to the blog’s spy behind enemy lines.

The name Di Stefano came up over the weekend again with Pep Guardiola boasting that his man Messi was the new century’s version of the Argentinian/Spanish/Colombian oldster, but Jorge Valdano counter-claiming that Ronaldo was the true heir.

LLL can only assume both are discussing Di Stefano’s sporting prowess rather than a willingness to change nationality to get a gig.

Valencia
A regular 2-0 win against Hércules through goals from Ariz Aduriz and Tino Costa didn't seem to excite Unai Emery that much – but the three-point haul, which gives Valencia a six-point cushion from fifth with the Champions League soon set to fire up the engines, certainly made the Mestalla manager a happy bunny. “We’ve got ourselves some breathing space but the fight for the Champions League is very even,” noted Unai.

Iker Muniain
It was another ‘Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam!’ performance from Athletic Bilbao in a 3-0 victory over Sporting, a fourth consecutive league win from the Basque club – the first time they've put together such a run since the 1997/98 season, the last time the club qualified for the Champions League.

This golden grail is once again a very achievable goal, thanks to a zippy streak owing a great deal to Iker Muniain, the 18-year-old forward who is like a turbo-charged Alan Smith (the Leeds version) and who has been causing all kinds of carnage to opposition defences in recent weeks.

Getafe
“All the confidence we had lost came back,” beamed Míchel the Manager after Getafe’s 4-1 win over Deportivo that ended an awful run of three defeats and a couple of thrashings at home.

Levante
Well, LLL feels all with the stupid now. More so than usual, anyway. In Friday’s predictions the blog pooh-poohed Levante’s attempts to save their season using self-help exercises and team building activities on the relegation-threatened squad.

It seems to have worked rather well considering the club pulled off one of the results of the season on Saturday by beating Villarreal 1-0 in el Madrigal and thoroughly deserving their victory too. A chastened and suddenly-believing LLL is off to fall backwards off a table. But this time, it will remember to find some volunteers to catch it.

BAD DAY

Villarreal
Despite the Levante defeat, scary-shouting hardball Villarreal coach Juan Carlos Garrido wasn’t as angry as LLL feared he might have been, boosting his team by noting that “the defeat was a blow, but we should not nor cannot look below us.”

Diego Forlán
The Uruguayan had a face like particularly ill-tempered thunder when filmed making his way into the visitor’s dressing room at the Camp Nou – and as well he might, considering he had been dropped for the Barça clash in favour of a five-man midfield behind Kun Agüero all on his lonesome up front.

Whilst the move has seen a fair amount of criticism in Spain for Quique, what with Atlético without a goal in la Liga now for three matches, it’s doubtful that Forlán’s inclusion from the start would have made a whole heap difference as the capital side still has an awful, dithering defence and Barcelona are still very, very good.

Carlos Kameni
The big guy between the sticks is normally Mr Reliable for Espanyol. But in his side’s 3-2 defeat at Almería, the Cameroonian goalie was Dr Flappy McBobbins and at fault for two of the southern side’s goals.

Sevilla / Málaga
Before leaving for the Santiago Bernabeu on a lovely Sunday evening, LLL watched the first 45 minutes of this particularly turgid encounter and noticed that absolutely nothing of note had happened. Reading the accounts of the second half later on, it appeared that was the general theme of part two, too. The point each from Sunday’s goalless draw sees Sevilla losing even more ground on the Champions League places and Málaga remaining at the bottom of the table.

Deportivo
Whilst Deportivo were decent at the back, the side’s disdain for scoring goals wasn’t really an issue. Unfortunately, of late that solidity has liquified to mush with Depor now managing just one win in eight and hovering fourth from bottom of the table – albeit level on 22 points with five other teams.

With Málaga expected to pull themselves out of their pit and Almería and Levante capable of the odd win, these are dangerous days indeed for Deportivo, who now face Villarreal on Sunday in game that may actually be interesting to watch. How times have changes in la Coruña.

The finger-thrusting, ticket-touting weekend Primera predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 11:23:00 GMT

Saturday

Athletic (6th) v Sporting (12th)

Athletic Bilbao ended up being a bit of a big mover in the winter transfer market, with the €8.5 million purchase of Zaragoza’s Ander Herrera, who will join up with his new side in the summer.

And as with all of the transfers for the Basque outfit 10% of the transfer fee was for the footballer’s playing ability and the rest for the family background - in the midfielder’s particular case it was the player’s birthplace of Bilbao.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (15th) v Racing (17th)

Giving a big old wave to the crowd ahead of Monday night’s clash between Racing and Valencia was the club’s happy-clappy new owner, Ahsan Ali Syed, who bought 80% of the institution’s shares to herald a bright new “sustainable and competitive” future for the Cantabrian side, in the words of the Indian businessman now running the show in Santander.

That sexy future will include Giovani dos Santos, who continues his odyssey of a career that has taken the midfielder to Barcelona, Tottenham, Ipswich Town, Galatasaray and now Racing - the side the naughty Mexican booze hound is joining on loan until the end of the season.

“I’ve come to a serious club with a lot of history, people have said good things about it,” beamed the 21-year-old journeyman, failing to reveal the names of those naughty fibsters. The former Barça man is set to feature in Saturday’s clash with Zaragoza, a match he has branded ‘a final’. Giovani has settled back into the clichéd life of la Liga quickly, it would appear.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe (10th) v Deportivo (14th)

Slipping down the table faster than Shakira having din dins at Gerard Piqué’s place, it’s Getafe who have contrived to lose four of their last five league games. This does not bode well for Míchel the Manager’s medium term future at the club as the Getafe boss is out of contract at the end of June, an issue that the smooth operator and the club president have been mulling over.

“I’d like to carry on here and the president knows it, I think he wants the same,” sighed Míchel, who is very much with the glass half full when it comes to Getafe’s league position. “I look up from where we are, I have no reason to look down.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (19th) v Espanyol (5th)

Almería’s penalty practice session wasn’t required in the end against Barcelona, with the Dream Boys winning 3-0 on the south coast in their Copa del Rey semi, and managing to do without Andrés Iniesta, Leo Messi, Xavi and David Villa in the process.

This left the score in the three games the two sides have played against each other this season as Barcelona 16-0 Almería. So all to play for, then, in the Camp Nou clash in la Liga in April for bragging rights in this particular tussle.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (16th) v Mallorca (11th)

LLL feels that poor Cristiano Ronaldo didn’t know who he was messing with when he had a ding dong battle with Osasuna nut-job, Walter Pandiani, at half time during Sunday’s clash. The truck driving, boggle-eyed, 'scary as clowns' striker told the press this week that Ronaldo had taunted him by asking how much he earned.

Pandiani did not take too kindly to this and confirmed that the Real Madrid man was “an phenomenal player but has a screw loose,” suggesting that the Portuguese forward behave less like a chav and more like Leo Messi.

“Until you’ve won Spanish Cups and the Supercopa like I have in Spain, then it’s better if you listen more,” barked the Uruguayan who has picked up five trinkets in his spell in la Liga.

Naturally, José Mourinho took up the right of reply to the Osasuna man’s comments and noted that “Pandiani has had his moment of glory, he didn’t pay anything for it either. He’s clever.”

“Now his papa has come out to defend him,” sniggered Pandiani a day later.

For Mourinho’s and Ronaldo’s sake, it’s a good job Madrid won’t be facing Osasuna until later this year, muses LLL.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (3rd) v Levante (18th)

Desperate times call for desperate measures at lowly Levante, with the club resorting to that most desperate of measures only engaged when a side is really up the creek - motivational exercises.

As well as putting posters up all over the dressing room reminding the club’s footballers of just how great they are, Levante coach Luis García played the side’s goals of the season on the team coach’s DVD on the way to the Getafe game, last weekend, a game where Levante also came away as 2-0 winners.

The players have also been forced into the hell dimension called ‘team building’ by getting onto small platforms and falling backwards in the hope that their teammates catch them.

“They need to see that the person by their side isn’t a teammate, it’s their brother, their family,” explained García ahead of a game where no amount of West Coast, hippy-lovin’ nonsense is going to prevent an almighty hiding for his newly empowered players.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

At last, a player at Atlético Madrid with the cojones to say exactly what he thinks. Whilst Kun Agüero was squeaking and bleating that he loved the club, loved the city, loved Quique and the fans and hoped to see out his newly signed contract to 2014, the godlike genius of Diego Forlán gave a metaphorical middle-finger to the Vicente Calderón support after they booed him off the pitch during Sunday’s 2-0 defeat to Athletic.

“I’m not an Atlético fan so it seems a lack of respect to kiss the badge,” explained the Rojiblanco striker who said that his only love is Peñarol. However Forlán did say that he understood the average José or Josette’s need to vent his or her spleen in his general direction during games to get their kicks.

“I know that football is the cheapest form of psychological treatment for people.” Very useful indeed considering the mental state of the average Atleti nut.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sevilla (8th) v Málaga (20th)

On Sunday, Julio Baptista returns to the club where he began his Spanish football journey. However, the Brazilian striker is unlikely to find it an enjoyable occasion considering his brand new expensively assembled team are rock bottom of the table. Below Levante even, which is really saying something.

“My head is with Málaga and I only want to help the club out of this situation,” claimed the former Roma man ahead of the game.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Real Sociedad (9th)

The second of this year’s five - potentially seven - Clásicos looks set to take place in Valencia, despite the chances that the ticket allocation in Mestalla will see 37,000 being shared between Madrid and Barcelona supporters with the twenty odd thousand remaining going to men in suits. And those who bought tickets off men in suits.

But if fans can’t get to that game then there is plenty of chance of seeing the sides in the probable two matches in la Liga in 2011, the double-headed Spanish Super Cup and maybe even the Champions League should the two teams be drawn against each other. LLL doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Or both.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (4th) v Hércules (13th)

Valencia full back, Miguel Brito, certainly didn’t take too kindly to journalists gathering outside the club’s training ground on Thursday after the news had broken that the Portuguese authorities had reportedly charged the defender with violence and illegal possession of a firearm after a scrape at a disco in Portugal in Christmas 2009.

Miguel sped up after signing autographs for fans before sticking his arm out of the window, gasp Marca, and giving the hunting hacks the finger.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Fighting talk at Almería, talk of fighting at Real Madrid

Tim Stannard — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:07:00 GMT

It would be fair to say that Wednesday’s Copa del Rey semi-final second legs throw up a wonderful win-win situation for anti-Madridistas in the Catalan capital, where LLL has learned through in depth investigations many are said to reside.

Should Real Madrid hang onto or increase their 1-0 advantage over Sevilla in the Santiago Bernabeu in an encounter kicking off at ten, then Barcelona can look forward to the prospect of winning three Clásicos this season - five, even, should the dueling duo meet in the Champions League - by defeating José Mourinho’s men in April’s final.

But were Madrid to go tumbling out of the competition, then there will still be much mirth, merriment and mischief-making to be made at the prospect of Mourinho stuck with the testing task of having to win the Champions League to prevent his first campaign in Mordor being a bit of a let-down.

The Barcelona press is still in full preening mode after Sunday’s defeat at Osasuna with both Mundo Deportivo and Sport declaring that Madrid have given up on la Liga and are kneeling at the delicate feetsies of Pep’s Dream Boys.

Writing in Sport, Josep María Casanovas taunts the president of the Santiago Bernabeu poking jauntily that “Florentino is not fronting up, he’s hiding, he travels but he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t know what to say or what more he can do.”

All this jabbing and jibing to come assumes that Barça find their way past Almería in a match kicking off at eight on the south coast. But even with LLL’s awful prediction prowess it’s a safe bet from the blog that Barça will hang on to their five goal advantage from last week’s first leg despite Almería boss, José Luis Oltra, revealing hopefully that “we’ve practiced penalties just in case.”

Sevilla manager, Gregorio Manzano, admitted the same thing but with greater reason than Almería with his team facing a Real Madrid side who do have a 1-0 advantage but who are in poor form by the club’s fairly high standards.

Although Mourinho ruled out tiredness as a factor in recent dropped points against Almería and Osasuna which coincided with tough cup games midweek against Atlético Madrid and Sevilla, the Madrid boss gave the excuse of his players being a bit hopeless in previous years and unaccustomed to being in three tournaments come February as the root cause of a whites wobble.

“A football player is a creature of habit,” theorised The Little Bit Less Special One ahead of Wednesday’s game.

Marca blast that Wednesday’s game is the club’s first “Mou final” and report that Pedro León and Fernando Gago were left out of the squad, not because Mourinho reckons they are bobbins, but because the pugilistic pair had a dressing scrap after some training ground tackles turned nasty.

“Mourinho has shown that he will not tolerate indiscipline,” soothed Wednesday’s editorial which also managed manfully to crow bar a dig at a certain ex-manager. “If Sevilla are knocked out, Mourinho will have gone up a step in comparison to Pellegrini.”

LLL is expecting Real Madrid to squeeze through to their first Copa del Rey final in seven years, however the blog is predicting a bit of a ding dong battle at the Santiago Bernabeu. It may be a late criminally late end with a extra time and penalties seeing the game finishing close to one in the morning in the Spanish capital, but it could well be worth watching. Perhaps with a duvet.

La Liga’s dullest deadline day ever

Tim Stannard — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 14:52:00 GMT

If the Premier League’s final day of the winter window was a giant paella of SKY TV excitement, la Liga’s was a manky grain of rice sitting at the side of the pan with just six piddling transfers being made in the final few hours in Spain.

Perky Carolina from Gol TV had been sent to the offices of the LFP where she made the giddy-eyed promise of fax machines whirring away, churning out contract details of Andrés Iniesta heading to his secret love team of Espanyol and Cristiano Ronaldo enjoying the Pamplona experience so much, on Sunday, the forward had decided to opt to play for Osasuna for the rest of his days.

After all, that must be the only explanation for the Real Madrid man reportedly asking Walter Pandiani what he earned during a tiff in Sunday’s encounter. Anything else would suggest that Ronaldo is a classless twit - and LLL certainly won’t stand for that...

Instead, naff all happened. Indeed, the bone-idle bigwigs at the league HQ couldn’t even be bothered to arrange next week’s kick-off times whilst they were twiddling their incompetent thumbs. Then again, their thumbs may well have been somewhere quite inaccessible at the time.

Barcelona and Real Madrid had done their bit of business early doors with the Dream Boys signing Afellay (remember him?) in December and last week’s arrival of Adebayor through the gates of Mordor.

Málaga offloaded a couple of players to make room for their five new arrivals who have since taken the southern side to the bottom of the table with admirable speed, whilst Racing Santander boosted the local disco business by bringing Giovani dos Santos back to Spain on loan from Spurs. The Cantabrian club apparently failed in their attempts to bring Nikola Zigic over from Birmingham for his third spell with the side.

Deportivo boosted the team's striking prowess with a stunning deadline day move. Not really. Miguel Angel Lotina’s panicked and brought Xisco over on loan from Newcastle after a stunning and prolonged spell of nothingness in the North East.

Espanyol made the most money in the window with the sales of Víctor Ruiz to Napoli and Dídac to Milan bringing in €10 million to boost the Perico coffers. Atlético managed the impressive feat of being the biggest net spenders with a splurge of €8.8 million on Elías and Juanfran but still ending up with the smallest squad in la Primera of just 19 players, with the club having carelessly disposed of Camacho, Simao, Juanito and Asenjo along the way.

So it’s no wonder that Kun Agüero was hastily dragged before the press on Monday as a diversionary tactic having extended his contract at the Vicente Calderón club until 2014 and reduced his buy-out clause from €60m to €45m. “I want to stay until 2014,” admitted Kun, “but football is like it is and I could be here one, two or three more years.”

With so little movement to get the juices flowing - unless Jefferson Montero’s loan spell with Levante yanks yer crank - it’s not surprising that the news on Tuesday is dominated by players who didn’t go anywhere at all - namely Diego Forlán and Giuseppe Rossi - who both appear to have been targets for Harry Redknapp.

Royston Drenthe is another footballer who failed to move a muscle, much to his dismay, as the club the Dutchman is now stuck at Hércules until the end of the season where things aren’t going well at all. “I’m sad they didn’t let me go to Juventus,” complained ‘Ricky’ on an offer from the Serie A side. “Juve wanted me and Madrid were 100% in agreement, everything seemed ok but they said no.”

Good Day, Bad Day: Barca's smug cloud and Ronaldo's unsurprising whinge

Tim Stannard — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 12:44:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

A seven point lead at the top of the table, an old foe in Hércules slain, a record for consecutive league wins equalled with 15 straight Primera victories, three strikers in the top six scorers in la Liga and with 105 goals scored in all competitions, means that the smug cloud above Barcelona on Monday can probably be seen from Mars.

Giuseppe Rossi

An outstanding thwacked goal from a tight angle from the Italian striker who signed a deal with Villarreal until 2016 at the end of last week and looks in the form of his life. And so does his club who have now lost just one in five, that niggling defeat against Real Madrid in the Santiago Bernabeu.

Villarreal’s next three games in la Liga are against Levante, Deportivo and Málaga - a fine chance to put the pressure on the struggling side six points above them.

Gaizka Toquero

The Athletic striker equalled Karim Benzema’s league scoring record in a single game with two goals to defeat Atlético Madrid on Sunday before using his celebrations to confess his profound love of wrestling.

The Basque club are now in a bit of a run of form with three wins in a row and five victories from the last seven. If Espanyol were to have a wobble, then Athletic who are just two points behind the Pericos might be able to take their place.

Raúl Tamudo

A strike to seal the winner in Real Sociedad’s victory against Almería in a rain-sodden San Sebastian, on Saturday, sees the rat-faced rampager becoming the greatest Catalan striker in the history of la Liga with 133 goals.

Sporting

Happy days are here in again in Gijón with Sporting winning their third win in a row - and a hugely impressive one to boot - with a 4-0 away victory at Mallorca. “A month ago everything was dark, but now it’s light,” growled a poetic but perky Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado, who couldn’t have been happier had someone had left a carton of a kerzillion ciggies on his bench.

Zaragoza

There is a still a touch of the Walking Dead ‘braaaainnnns’ about Zaragoza but Javier Aguirre has now lead the Aragonese outfit to three wins in a row, and four from the last five. Unfortunately, LLL can’t for the life of it explain how as they are still fairly bobbins.

Osasuna

Not pretty, but very effective. That’s the best way to describe Osasuna’s win over Real Madrid, a win that leaves the Pamplona club with just one defeat in a year in the Reyno de Navarra stadium. All Osasuna need to do now is repeat that formula on the road where José Antonio Camacho’s side are still without a victory, this season.

Levante

It feels more than a little mean to pee on Levante’s parade but Marca’s headline that the Valencia side are “very much alive” seems more than a tad premature, considering all Luis García’s side managed to do was beat the flimsiest football team in Spain at the moment in the shambolic form of Getafe, although the 2-0 victory did put an end to a run of five straight defeats.

Bad Day

Real Madrid

For the second time in a fortnight, the football press - Madrid’s anyway - is in full hand-wringing, teeth-grinding mode over something that inevitably happens from time to time in football, in normal circumstances anyway, and that’s the concept of a good team in poor form dropping points away from home.

LLL is never surprised by what life can throw up - sometimes literally - so it is not quite ready to declare Barcelona as the league title winners just yet. However, the blog should probably take note of the fact that if mad Tomás Roncero, the biggest Madridista of them all, has given up hope then this strongest of hints should be taken.

“A team that can’t win at Mallorca, Levante, Almería and Osasuna can’t believe that is has the right to win la Liga,” stormed the AS man on Monday.

Cristiano Ronaldo

A third league game in a row without a goal and the rather churlish complaints after the match that Osasuna’s only strategy was to “boot the ball up field and wait until the end of the game.”

Doesn’t say much for Ronaldo nor his team-mates if that was enough to beat them does it?

Espanyol

Arriving on Monday morning, all with the Marca and AS “infamy, infamy, the refs have all got it in for me,” it’s Paul from Barcelona at his grumpiest ever after watching a 1-0 home defeat by Villarreal.

“Isn’t it strange that in a week when all the talk was about an official not knowing the offside rule, that Spain should produce three clowns who didn’t know it, either. To be fair to the officials they didn’t know any of the other rules either. The only one they got right was the goal. Blind luck.

A fantastic game of football spoiled by the ineptitude of three people who you wouldn’t want in charge of a three-year-old’s back garden kick-about.

Villarreal won thanks to a goal from “lucky to be on the pitch” Rossi with a shot Kameni should have covered at his near post. Sergio García missed three one–on-ones and Diego López saved their skin as per usual.Villarreal missed a couple of sitters too.

A minibus load of Villarreal fans and a very angry correspondent saw the game. To paraphrase Danny Baker - football is a trillion euro industry, billions of spectators and billions at stake, played by millionaires, but the most important person on the pitch is a shopkeeper from Avila. And to think they moaned about Howard Webb. The Spanish federation need to get their own house in order.”

Paul, Barcelona

Atlético Madrid

It’s a question that could have philosophers chin-stroking for weeks - better to be down to ten men with Luis Perea sent off, or eleven men with the defender still on the pitch and doing his particular footballing thang?

Quique Sánchez Flores plumped for the latter with the Atleti boss claiming that the players had a plan that was coming together before the very unfair sending off of the Rojiblanco stopper after the ludicrous awarding of a penalty to Athletic (which was missed), but soon fell apart once Athletic had scored their first in the final seconds of the first half.

AS are panicking that Atlético are “in free fall”, five points from the European places and with just one league win in five. With Quique looking a man who knows his managerial goose is cooked, fans staging their routine rebellions against the board and an uncomfortable Monday that could see more of their want-away players being poached, Atlético are facing some very dark days. Again.

Deportivo, Sevilla

It was hard to assess who was more incompetent in Saturday’s 3-3 clash between these two sides on Saturday night. Deportivo have a claim for their fine effort of turning a 2-0 lead into a 3-2 advantage for Sevilla with the Andalusian side down to ten men.

Sevilla are also contenders for suffering the shame of conceding not one, but two, but three goals against the normally goal-shy, dreary Deportivo, including a late effort to drop two points.

But the winner has to be Andrés Palop who handled the ball a good metre out of his box but still had the stones to complain to the referee afterwards when the Sevilla goalkeeper was rightfully sent off.

Mallorca

Before the weekend the Balearic side had only conceded four goals at home this season - it was a total that was doubled by Sporting on Saturday in possibly the weekend’s most peculiar result.

Getafe

With a run of just one point from twelve, Getafe really are going to have to get something against Deportivo at the Coliseum next weekend, if Míchel’s men aren’t going to go over LLL’s knee.

Málaga

Bottom of the table after an horrendous home defeat to Zaragoza but this time the fans and players couldn’t moan about the referee as the cause of the side’s demise as they did against Valencia, last weekend. Nevertheless, some 20,000 black balloons were waved by fans in protest over the Mestalla mayhem, the result of which saw Manuel Pellegrini sitting in the stands serving out a suspension.

The straw-chewing, Málaga-baiting weekend predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 11:46:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Mallorca (9th) v Sporting (15th)
Poor Sporting full-back José Angel is currently caught in a bit of a tug-of-love - but not in the Ever Banega sense - and being pulled between Malaga, his boyhood side where he was raised from a wee nipper, and Fiorentina, who have reportedly made a €4m for the 21-year-old – a whole million more than Málaga. However, as it stands José Angel is a still a Sporting player, albeit a particularly grumpy one who is “fed up” of being yanked around.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (19th) v Zaragoza (16th)
Some six days after Málaga’s clash with Valencia, which saw two players and Manuel Pellegrini sent off, fans of the southern side are still hopping mad – and waving-fists and shouting-at-LLL-for-10-minutes mad, when the blog made a joke to one particularly sensitive supporter about the ref being a good one in last Saturday’s encounter.

“Disgrace!” “We were robbed!” went the cries. For a very long time. However, another Málaga fan and minor shareholder has gone one step further by reporting referee Rubinos Pérez to the authorities in the hope they will charge the official with an infraction of a law which probably doesn’t exist.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Levante (20th) v Getafe (10th)
An awful run of form for Getafe which sees the side without a league win in four – and some real hammerings along the way – would normally produce a self-preserving rant from the club president if it were any other side. Well, Atlético Madrid, anyway.

But certainly not in the lovely warm surroundings of Getafe, where bigwig Angel Torres has spread the love despite witnessing two hopeless home defeats in a row. “I have confidence in the dressing room and the players that we’re going to finish eighth. It wouldn’t be a disaster not to play in Europe as we are not obliged to. We are Getafe, the objective is to stay up” – a slogan that, to LLL’s mind, sounds perfect for the club crest.

It’s certainly an improvement on the club anthem played before and after games, anyway, which cries “Lucha Getafe!” - ‘Fight Getafe!’ - but over a crackly PA sounds rather like “*** Geta!”, which means something very different indeed.
LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Sociedad (11th) v Almería (18th)
Wisest words of the week come from Almería coach José Luis Oltra, who now faces the task of having to either knock six goals past Barcelona - or take them to penalties - whilst stopping Pep’s Dream Boys from scoring in Wednesday’s Copa del Rey final second leg clash.

“Our challenge now is to change the image of Almería and to try to win the return leg rather than mount a comeback which feels impossible.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (12th) v Barcelona (1st)
Reasons to really dislike Hércules, part 67. This one relates to another outburst from the buffoon of a club president, Valentín Botella, who has now decided that Royston Drenthe has been a waste of space presence at the club in the first half of the season – an opinion that seems to have developed ever since the Dutchman got a bit uppity about not being paid for his footballing services.

Despite two goals and three assists in Drenthe’s 11 appearances, the on-loan Real Madrid winger apparently has “to change and do his part, if not it will be tough,” threatened Botella. “I’m a bit upset, the number of games he’s played with Hércules have been minimal for what he costs and the performances he’s been giving.”

Considering Drenthe has barely cost anything at all – along with the rest of his playing staff – LLL would suggest that the Hércules president is getting a bit of a bargain.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Deportivo (13th) v Sevilla (8th)
Last weekend's 1-0 loss to Zaragoza sent Deportivo manager Miguel Angel Lotina a little doolally – an unfortunate event which saw him raging against his own players. “They went out onto the pitch to see what would happen, and if they won then great,” complained Lotina. “They impression they gave me was that they weren’t conscious of the importance of the game.”

During the week, the offending players have dribbled out their responses and they are not happy bunnies at all. “These are declarations against the whole team,” noticed the ever-observant Riki, “they didn’t go down to well. I’m 100% with my teammates.”
“I don’t regret anything,” warned the Don of Deportivo. “When I send a message I hope for a reaction.”
LLL Prediction – Away win

SUNDAY
Atlético Madrid (7th) v Athletic Bilbao (6th)
Whilst Atlético Madrid president Enrique Cerezo was off in Miami to celebrate “Enrique Cerezo Day” in the city, the other side of the two-headed monster in charge of the Rojiblancos , Miguel Angel Gil, came out of relative hiding (for him) to announce that he had received huge offers for the club’s star players but had refused them all.

The son of Jesús Gil and the club’s part “owner” (that’s a long story) claimed that Real Madrid had made a €45m offer for Kun Aguero – news, it seems, to Cerezo – and that Chelsea were offering €60m for the Argentinian forward and defender Diego Godín.
But those weren’t the only statements that no-one in Spain actually believed. The real zinger came when the side’s Director General soothed that “Quique will be the coach of Atlético until 30th June.”

“If I had been here, none of this would have happened,” sighed Cerezo on returning from his jolly in Florida to find a bit of tizz at the Vicente Calderón.
LLL Prediction – Home win

Osasuna (17th) v Real Madrid (2nd)
Some two days later, the debate over Sevilla’s goal/non-goal is still raging, with radio and TV stations gathering together hacks to shout “Yes it was!" "No it wasn’t!” for an hour or so without any ground being given. The Valencia footballers were even pictured at Thursday’s training gathered around a goal-line recreating the polemical incident.

The whole affair could become the focus for a scientific study to discover how one simple image can alter the perceptions of those viewing it depending on existing prejudice and whether or not they are a Barcelona, Sevilla or Real Madrid fan.

The other news from Mordor is the arrival of José Mourinho’s lusted-after No.9 in the form of Emmanuel Adebayor – and the departure of Mahamadou Diarra, who is hopping off to Monaco.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (5th) v Villarreal (3rd)
All season, LLL has been underestimating Espanyol’s ability to maintain a remarkable run which sees them in a very solid fifth place. Therefore, it's not going to make the same mistake for a seventh time by dooming them unnecessarily after the sales, this week, of defensive stalwarts Didac Vila to Milan and Víctor Ruiz to Napoli.

But that can’t be good.
LLL Prediction - Away win

MONDAY
Racing Santander (14th) v Valencia (4th)
The sale of Racing Santander from the local council and a bunch of straw-chewing diary farmers to apparently loaded businessman Ahsan Ali Syed – a gentleman who reportedly owes a fair amount of money in the UK in council tax – was supposed to have been finalised on Monday. But it wasn’t.

Ali Syed was supposed to have travelled to Spain to seal the deal but hasn’t been able due to unknown problems reports AS. However, Saturday has now been named as the day when Racing will be taking an almighty leap into the unknown.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Mourinho’s birthday present and Sevilla’s motivational video

Tim Stannard — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 14:15:00 GMT

Whilst Mrs Mourinho may have bought The Special One a brand new grey overcoat to brood into for The Special One’s 48th birthday on Wednesday, his club president got something extra yummy for José as a gift - Jorge Valdano’s head planted on the pole of the kid’s swing ball set. That, and a brand new striker.

Having pleaded and pleaded for six months until his whining become unbearable, Florentino Pérez caved into José Mourinho’s demands and signed Emmanuel Adebayor on loan until the end of June to add to Real Madrid’s growing collection of Francophone sourpusses.

The deal, which will still cost Madrid around €10 million in wages according to Marca, gives Mourinho one less thing to complain about aside from ill-treatment by referees, ill-treatment by the Spanish FA, ill-treatment by UEFA, ill-treatment by the press, ill-treatment by his fellow managers and ill-treatment by his hairdresser who appears to have made Mourinho’s bonce all with the bouffant at the moment.

The Spanish press have responded to the news of the loan deal that broke on Tuesday night by poking a stick into the Togo forward’s life and wiggling it about to find out if the former Arsenal man really is as unmanageable and sullen as the word on the street says. “He does like to feel important in a group, he needs to feel loved,” admitted Manchester City defender, Javi Garrido, on Spanish radio station, Cadena Ser.

Marca’s editorial on Wednesday is a fairly cautious one noting that “the risk Real Madrid is taking is practically zero. No-one loses by bringing in a footballer who has always been on the agenda of the big teams."

AS are equally as hesitant with the paper’s editor opining that “he’s a good player, although his profile could contribute further to the turbulent spell the club is going through.”

That turbulent spell - or successful spell, depending on how a good cup run is viewed - continues at the Sánchez Pizjuán on Wednesday with Madrid’s Copa del Rey semi-final first leg against Sevilla. Naturally, the fascinating football aspect of the game has been inspected and swiftly tossed aside by the Spanish sports press in favour of the usual complete nonsense dominating the headlines.

For this particular clash the dominating theme is Sevilla’s apparently provocative act in releasing a motivational video entitled “Do you want another Copa?” which features some of their players covering themselves in paint - although it looks like they’ve gone nuts with some birthday cake - going ‘grr!’ and ‘arrg!’. There’s also a message in Portuguese claiming that Sevilla are going to leave Madrid without the title. Heady stuff, indeed.

The correct response from the Madridista press would have been to pat Sevilla on the head and note that these are the kind of hi-jinks from sides whose supporters hate them or know they are going to lose. Or both as in Sevilla’s case, a team who have contrived to be beaten by all manner of teams such as Getafe, Mallorca and Almería in their stadium, this season.

But in the need to stir up some kind of story, Marca and AS went ballistic claiming that the video could cause crowd problems. “The match doesn’t need any more spicing up with tricks and dangerous intentions,” scorned Tuesday’s editorial, which frets that Sevilla supporters could “confuse rivalry with an incitation to violence.”

Sevilla’s shy and retiring president, José María del Nido, was initially on the back foot in reacting to the faux storm of protest in Capital City by claiming that “we are not planning any type of non-sporting battle against Mourinho or Cristiano,” despite the main message being in Portuguese. However, the club’s godfather returned to his normal bubbly self a day later by saying that he would be paying the “genius” maker of the video extra money.

To date, José Mourinho has been unable to respond to the taunts made in his native language as quite rightly he was not allowed near a microphone at the pre-match press conference on Tuesday with his assistant Karanka fielding questions on the present location of his boss.

Not that you’d notice it really but Barcelona are also in action on Wednesday night with their Copa del Rey semi-final first leg date with Almería at the Camp Nou. Ever since Joan Laporta left the club to continue his ongoing mission to become King of Cataluyna, Barça have become insufferably dull off the pitch with only Pep’s non-contract extension signing of vague interest to LLL.

Not even the complaint in the Barça press over Leo Messi being fined €2,000 for wishing his mother a happy birthday through the medium of his t-shirt against Racing Santander, gets LLL’s juices flowing as the blog feels the little Mummy’s boy suck-up deserves every penny of the penalty.

Pep Guardiola is trying to make everyone believe that the opener to the two-legged tie isn’t going to be a massacre - which it probably is - and says that the 8-0 result of the recent win in Almería is “unrepeatable.”

The Dream Boys boss also got rather uppity at the question over whether the team seem to be slacking off during games from time to time. “People say sometimes we play at half speed. That’s cr*p. We ran like animals to beat Racing.”

LLL senses that running no harder that a wheezy rodent will be required for Barça overcome their latest opponents on Wednesday night.

Might Mourinho look to Adebayor to help shift his Madrid misery?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 14:51:00 GMT

First off, LLL must deal with the formalities by wishing a very happy Enrique Cerezo Day to all those readers lucky enough to be dodging hurricanes and gangland drug-trafficking motorboat gun battles in Miami.

“Whatwiththewhonow?” may the instant response from the very same readers unaware of such an historic occasion, but it seems that this fine city in the US of A has chosen to celebrate the other side of the Atlético Madrid president’s professional life - the side that doesn’t involve firing coaches, being oddly squat or flapping his trap about the club’s woes at every opportunity.

Enrique Cerezo’s day job is as a film producer, so the good people of Miami are flying the Rojiblanco bigwig over to celebrate his laudable career producing masterpieces such as The Revenge of Ira Vamp, Franky Banderas and How to be Unfaithful and Enjoy It, which may or may not be a self-study on Cerezo’s working relationship with his various managers.

“It will be a great day where I can forget everything that is happening in Spain,” chuckled the proud Cerezo.

Oh Jose, will you ever find true happiness...?

Aside from covering this big news in Spain and wondering how Real Zaragoza have signed a player on loan when they can’t even pay the ones they’ve got already, the country’s sporting press is dominated by the Copa del Rey semi-final clashes on Wednesday, well, one of them anyway - more on that nearer the time - and José Mourinho’s future at the Santiago Bernabeu.

That’s certainly the preoccupation for Barcelona-based Sport, the poor man’s Andrex, whose front page trumpets the news that the search has already begun for The Special One’s special successor with candidates who will themselves be fired in about a year’s time including Rafa Benítez, Carlo Ancelotti, Míchel and Laurent Blanc.

“If the disaster is total, no league, no cup and no Champions League, Florentino will open the door to the Portuguese to leave and negotiate an exit,” predicts Josep María Casanovas.

Marca and AS have both stuck a muscle-ripping, super buff image of Emmanuel Adebayor on their front pages with the two papers united in the notion that Manchester City striker is the new target for Madrid and Mourinho now that Ruud Van Nistelrooy’s move from Hamburg appears to be as lost as a sensible thought in Guti’s brain.

LLL is hoping that this particular transfer takes place - “the Julien Faubert move” as it should be perhaps be called - just so it can read Marca’s editorial frothing over the former Arsenal man as a team player who fits the fine values carried in the white shirt of Madrid.

AS also reports that Mourinho’s dislike of his director general has stretched to banning Jorge Valdano from the Santiago Bernabeu dressing rooms both before and after games. After all, the club already has one unwanted, pointless figure ambling about the place, although to be fair the Frenchman did manage to score on Sunday...

Good Day, Bad Day: Benzema’s Big Night & Pathetico Atlético

Tim Stannard — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 14:02:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

Once again, not a great deal to say about a game that was over in 94 seconds, when Pedro scored his fifth goal in five consecutive league games. Marca and AS both grumbled that the Canary Islander’s opening was a “possible” offside, but neither had the trousers to fully claim another refereeing conspiracy in favour for the Catalan club - the same conspiracy perhaps that saw Barça awarded just their second spot-kick in 20 games.

Karim Benzema

Despite the endless stream of childish, uncalled for and downright mean jokes being thrown in the failing Frenchman’s direction, LLL feels quite sorry for the six million euro a year man. So it was pleasing to see the slightest of smiles stretching across Benzema’s frowning face on Sunday after he scored the winner against Mallorca in a game that has the Madridista papers panicking a little simply because the opposition played extremely well. LLL would advise that this doesn’t always signify that Madrid were playing especially badly. Other sides are allowed to be good too.

But back onto the topic of Benzema, a second league goal of the striker should see the papers, blog - and naughty old Kaká - leaving him alone for a day or two with the pressure now on Ricardo Carvalho, who now faces the embarrassment of being overtaken by the Frenchman in the scoring charts should Benzema score next weekend.

Michael Laudrup’s Mallorca

A coach with who adopts the rather rare ‘if we’re going to lose anyway, let’s do it with our trousers pulled up to our nipples and saluting the flag’ approach to games at the Santiago Bernabeu.

Santi Cazorla

Like a ninja terrier, on Sunday night, to rob the ball off the Real Sociedad midfield on two occasions and feed it to Giuseppi Rossi for his brace. Villarreal are still without Nilmar but still going strong.

Unai Emery

Not that it would be possible to tell by watching him on the touchline, but the Valencia boss must really be enjoying himself at the moment after a series of late, late winners for his team keeps Valencia in the hunt for Champions League football, next season.

However, the home fans don’t appear to have learned their lessons of recent games by booing Unai and the players at half time when Valencia are not winning, but forgiving all at the end with the three points picked up.

Emery is out of contract at the end of the season, and LLL suggests the arm-flapping manager goes to a club where he’s appreciated a little more.

Espanyol

A side who used to be softer touches than a kitten wearing mittens away from home have now put together two wins on the road in a row with victories over Sevilla and most recently of all, Getafe. And as Espanyol’s season reaches even greater heights, so does José Callejón’s Vanilla Ice wedge. Admirable stuff on both counts.

Luis Fabiano

Transfer window closing in about a week so cue a handily-timed hat-trick from the permanently itchy - but not in a Dani Güiza way - Sevilla striker, Luis Fabiano in a 4-1 win at home to Levante.

Ulloa

The Argentinean striker brought in from second division Castellón over the summer is quite the talk of the town in Almería - mainly as there isn’t much else to discuss there - having grabbed his seventh league goal of the season to help beat Osasuna 3-2 with his sixth goal coming against Real Madrid in a 1-1 draw, last weekend.

Almería’s first home league victory of the current campaign continues a fine spell for the team with the players having seen off Deportivo in the Copa del Rey, on Wednesday. Unfortunately, that run may be cut violently short this week with the first leg of their Copa del Rey semi-final with Pep’s Dream Boys.

Sporting

It was force of habit when LLL settled down for Sporting against Atlético Madrid that lead the blog to believe that the team in red, white and blue aimlessly punting the ball around the pitch weren’t Quique’s boys but the Asturian side instead.

Fortunately, one of those punts and some classic Atleti back line dithering gave Sporting a second home win in a row to move them out of the bottom three. Phew.

Zaragoza

Did just enough to beat Levante and Deportivo in the past two games to give Javier Aguirre’s side six points from six, but there’s no evidence to show that they can regularly beat sides who have not paid for a footballer for three years or refuse to field strikers as in the cases of the club’s recent opposition.

Bad Day

Málaga

A Scouse-like “calm down, calm down” seems in order in Málaga’s direction after a clumsy foul from Martín Demichelis (fancy that) and a temper tantrum by Helder Rosario saw the visitors to Valencia’s Mestalla down to nine men and with Manuel Pellegrini sent to the stands - not something that happens every day, to be fair.

When full time was blown on a wonderfully feisty encounter that ended 4-3 to Valencia thanks to Ariz Aduriz’ late effort, Málaga captain, Apoño, had to be ‘held back’ - but without needing that much effort to stop him really, in the style of closing time street brawls - from approaching Rubinos Pérez and giving him a piece of his tiny, tiny mind.

“Disgrace!” “He disrespected us!” whined the Málaga players after the match with even Manuel Pellegrini claiming that “it was the worst refereeing” he had seen in his time in the Spanish game.

Sergio Asenjo

Was it failing to come out for a cross properly to gift Valencia their third goal of the game that upset the Málaga goalkeeper so much or being told by referee, Rubinos Pérez, that Asenjo didn’t know how to come out for a cross properly that upset the on-loan Atleti man so much?

Levante

Levante coach, Luis García, was missing from the sidelines against Sevilla serving out the first of his two much touchline ban however García was still capable of blasting his players for “infantile errors” that now sees Levante having lost five league games in a row at bottom of the table where LLL expects the Valencia side to stay.

Getafe

Back-to-back defeats for Getafe in the Coliseum over the past two weekends with seven goals conceded. Maybe the club are missing the injured Javier Arizmendi more than LLL thought?

Deportivo

AS reported that Miguel Angel Lotina went for a 5-3-1-1 formation against Zaragoza that was as defensive as a sexist Sky presenter, with the result that the club fired blanks in la Liga for the eleventh time in 20 games.

Atlético Madrid

As entertainingly pathetic as always. One of the best football poems LLL ever heard referred to the Arsenal trio of “Parlour, Morrow, Hillier - have you heard of a midfield sillier.”

The blog is now trying to come up with something just a catchy with the names “Raúl García and Juanfran” thrown in.

La Liga Loca’s hallucinating, satisfaction demanding weekend predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 13:46:00 GMT

Saturday

Sevilla (10th) v Levante (19th)

A rather manic sounding Marca are claiming that Real Madrid should have had 19 penalties this season, so Merciful Zeus - LLL can only imagine what would have been written in the paper if José Mourinho and the club had suffered the same treatment that Levante have been receiving from the men in black (or yellow) in recent weeks.

Offside goals being given against them, iffy penalties to the opposition and last but by no means least, a quickly taken free kick and subsequent goal disallowed for the Valencia side against Zaragoza, last week, as the dithering official wasn’t quite ready.

Levante’s eternally frustrated coach Luis García reacted to the most recent slight by flapping his arms about on the touchline shouting ‘it’s a goal! It’s a goal!” not without good cause. However, this evil, most heinous of acts the likes of which we do not wish to see in the game, as the Beeb would probably pontificate, has landed García in hot water with the Spanish FA who gave him a two match touchline ban.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Racing Santander (14th)

Soon to join Málaga in the money bags stakes are the unlikely figures of Racing Santander, with the Cantabrian club leaving other buyable targets such as Getafe standing in the rain with their mascara running as they're picked up by a mysterious foreign type, instead.

The gentleman in question is from India and goes by the name of Ahsan Ali Syed and apparently is a billionaire whose “dream has always been to own a club and watch them play.” It was very nearly Blackburn Rovers, last summer, before they eventually chose other suitors - perhaps because of a BBC investigation into Ahsan Ali Syed’s financial affairs - but it seems that Racing have now captured his heart.

The deal worth €21m is set to go through on Monday with the current Racing president, Francisco Pernía, claiming that a place in Europe is the eventual goal for the club. But as is the nature of all things in la Liga, the blog already suspects that this may be a story that’s one to watch for all the wrong reasons.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (4th) v Málaga (16th)

You’d have thought that the Valencia bosses would be spiffed to pieces about the job that Unai Emery is doing at the club having guided the men from Mestalla into the Champions League, last season, and into the knock-out stages this time around.

But it would appear not as Emery’s contract is due to run out at the end of the year and as yet there has been no movement with club president, Manuel Llorente, on extending it, says the madcap manager who also reveals that their relationship is fiery to say the least. “I speak with the president a lot, sometimes with a smile on my face and other times with a knife between the teeth. He’s the same.”

Meanwhile, striker Roberto Soldado revealed that Saturday night could be a very good one indeed for Lady Soldado, should he find the back of the net against Málaga. “When I score my body demands satisfaction after,” smutted the former Madrid forward.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sporting (17th) v Atlético Madrid (6th)

Due to a very untimely bout of stomach flu, LLL wasn’t able to get to the Vicente Calderón in the end for Thursday’s Copa del Rey clash. But it did hallucinate wildly that Diego Forlán was in the blog’s flat forcing it to barf on a regular basis. Which is something that doesn’t happen every day.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Zaragoza (18th) v Deportivo (13th)

And it’s a big thank you to Jermaine Pennant for the wonderful story that enforced everyone's preconceptions of top-flight footballers - far too rich for their own good - after forgetting about his Porche and leaving it in the car park of Zaragoza’s railway station for five months, so desperate was the winger to get out of Spain and into Stoke last summer.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (9th) v Espanyol (5th)

Saturday’s dreadful 4-0 home defeat to Real Sociedad has lead to a period of severe navel-gazing at the Coliseum over the ridiculously topsy-turvy nature of Getafe’s campaign with the side following four league wins at the end of 2010 with four three defeats and a draw in the new year including a Copa Del Rey loss to Betis.

“Sometimes we’re like a children’s team, capable of the best and the worst,” noted a solemn Adrián Colunga.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (20th) v Osasuna (15th)

A big LLL pat on the back to Almería who have made it into the Copa del Rey semifinals after doing the universe an enormous favour and disposing of Deportivo in their two legged tie. The blog just hopes that more than 3,000 home fans turn up to watch Almería take on Barcelona - the amount that bothered to get off their backsides a week ago in the home leg against Miguel Angel Lotina’s men.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Mallorca (8th)

José Mourinho has shown this week that he is the big dawg to Jorge Valdano’s puppy, once and for all. When the Madrid boss complained on Wednesday that he didn’t like receiving messages from the club’s Director General in the press, the Argentinean should have opened a can of whup-ass on his employee. Instead, Valdano claimed that, “my turn of phrase was not interpreted as a message, that was not my intention.”

Mourinho’s response was to claim after the 1-0 win after Atleti that there were no guarantees of him staying for another year at the Bernabeu. “A lot depends on the cooperation,” mused the soon to be departing Madrid manager.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (3rd) v Real Sociedad (11th)

Real Sociedad midfielder, Antoine Griezmann is picking up quite a collection of goal celebrations. His first was to run to a car parked by the pitch in La Anoeta and pretend to drive off in it. The Frenchman’s most recent was to feel the wrath of Getafe fans by celebrating his strike by pointing to the Basque flag on his sleeve whilst running past the stands.

“I made a mistake and said everything that had to said on it and that’s that,” claimed Griezmann, this week.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Hércules (12th)

It was a fine week for happy-clappin’ ‘Jokín’ Caparrós as it saw the hyper-active Athletic Bilbao boss reaching the halfway point of his fourth season in charge of the Basque battlers to become the longest serving coach of the club in eleven years.

“It’s unusual to be with a team for so long in this sport and profession,” admitted the Andalusian coach. “It’s felt like a short time, though, as I’ve been enjoying myself.”

Over in Alicante, the Hércules footballers are waiting to see if yet another promise from the club’s bosses over a payment date is set to be broken with outstanding salaries supposedly being handed over before the end of the week.

“What we want is more information. They owe us money and it is the club who should be talking, not us,” explained Hércules forward, Tote - suggestion that a boisterous, spirited performance away from home may not be on the cards for his side on Monday night.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barça battle Betis as Madrid unleash fury on the Spanish FA

Tim Stannard — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 15:30:00 GMT

The nightmare scenario for the money men of Real Betis came horribly true with Barcelona’s 5-0 tonking of the Seville side in last weeks Copa Del Rey quarter-final first leg.

Then again, LLL is not even sure that Betis actually has money men. The blog wouldn’t be at all surprised to discover that a couple of goats and Wesley Snipes have been in charge of the books for the past few years judging by the economic mess the club finds itself in.

Whoever was running Betis at the time - it tends to change every ten days or so - had asked a favour of the Spanish FA to switch the matches so that Betis could play at home first and guarantee a bigger home gate. Strangely, the response was a logical and sensible one from the game’s big wigs with a swift ‘no’ and a turfing out of the saloon’s swing doors

And so it came to pass that Betis went to the Camp Nou, did reasonably well but lost 5-0, leaving the chances of the club passing through to the last four fairly slim. Instead the approach from Betis on Wednesday night is simply to entertain the fans admits coach, Pepe Mel. “We’re going to put on a night of good football and if we can win, even better.”

Naturally, Pep Guardiola is taking the game very seriously, indeed. Then again, the Dream Boys boss takes everything very seriously, which partly explains where all his hair went.

“With a 5-0 lead against another team, I’d bring a lot of youth team players. But not against Betis,” intoned Guardiola who may still do the nearest thing to taking pee that Barça can manage and play Bojan from the beginning.

The winner of the overall tie will be in action next week against either Almería or Deportivo. LLL is praying to all the gods that be that it is the former who either hang onto or build on their current 1-0 lead in la Riazor so the blog is spared two matches spent watching Barça trying to pass their way through Depor’s infamous nine man defence with Adrián to cover the rest of the pitch for the team.

In the other half of the draw, Sevilla have continued to show why they're known as Copa Del Rey specialists by making like Hugh Hefner and achieving their fifth semi in seven years. A 3-0 win over Villarreal in the Sánchez Pizjuán put the holders through 6-3 and left Juan Carlos Garrido’s men with the Europa League as their only chance to actually win something for once.

Sevilla will next face Atlético Madrid or Real Madrid, who play at about two on Friday morning in the Vicente Calderón with the visitors holding a 3-1 lead from the first leg.

Once again Atleti are spouting the usual nonsense about 'putting on a performance' in front of the home fans and feeling that this is their time to actually defeat their rivals. And once again, José Mourinho has been before the press to pick another fight with referees, the assorted journalists and Jorge Valdano, too.

“I’m too old to be receiving messages sent through the newspapers,” shrugged Mourinho on Wednesday when asked to comment on Valdano’s snooty insinuations on the Madrid coach choosing to start the Almería game with Karim Benzema on the bench on Sunday.

José Mourinho’s bosses have also chosen to go to war with the Spanish footballing world in response to a comment on a cup game preview on the Spanish FA’s website which read “the referee, Turienzo Alvarez will be in the charge of the game under the watchful gaze of Mourinho who felt persecuted in the last league matches.”

Although the comment was swiftly removed, blowhards at the Santiago Bernabeu released an official protest on Wednesday lunchtime complaining about the apparently backfiring joke.

The situation has become so bound up in complaints, counter complaints and conspiracy theories in the Spanish capital that Mourinho couldn’t even be bothered answering a question from an English journalist on the actual football game in hand on Thursday night.

“Difficult match. Long time to go,” the Madrid coach mumbled in English in a half-arsed fashion looking more and more like a man who would rather be anywhere else than Real Madrid.

Barça loosen their belts as Catalan press poke fun at Madrid’s mess

Tim Stannard — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 16:23:00 GMT

If you thought the wonderful world of Barcelona was feeling tingly and tangly last week after the frenzied French kissing of Leo Messi by Sepp Blatter at the FIFA awards - figuratively speaking, of course - that’s just one wrinkle on Manuel Pellegrini’s face compared the little fluffy cloud the Camp Nou collective are living on now.

Real Madrid’s stodgy draw away to Almería - where Pep’s Dream Boys banged in eight, you'll remember - has given Barça the chance to loosen their belt a tad - oh, how Ronaldinho would have enjoyed that sensation - kick back with a cool one and enjoy what the Barcelona media are portraying to be the civil war in Mordor.

Comfortable at the top of the table, holding a 5-0 advantage over Betis in this week’s Copa del Rey and facing the visit of Racing Santander at the Camp Nou on Saturday - about as frightening a prospect as an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch - it’s time for some series fun-poking from the Catalan press at Real Madrid’s expense.

Sport write that José Mourinho is a permanent fixture on the presidential naughty step due to his constant attacks on referees as well as his public complaints about the hopelessness of Karim Benzema and the Madrid youth academy. The spat with Jorge Valdano that is currently being fought out through the papers certainly isn’t helping the Madrid president’s mood, either, writes Josep María Casanovas.

“Florentino Pérez is on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Neither he nor the fans will tolerate another year without trophies,” chuckles the Sport journalist without too much sympathy really.

Even the Madrid camp is getting skittish with AS reporting that Florentino Pérez is ordering an end to the quest for a reinforcement striker if Ruud Van Nistelrooy doesn’t return to the Spanish capital after a year of Bundesliga fun.

Mou: Feeling the pressure at Real for the first time...

Meanwhile Marca and Real Madrid have joined forces, if you can imagine such a thing, and deployed a ‘move along, nothing to see here’ strategy involving a drawn-out three day interview with the club’s great figurehead, a man who is admired, loved and cheered by nearly every pavement-blocking Spaniard in the land - Iker Casillas.

Not really. It’s with Cristiano Ronaldo. Of course.

Naturally, the first day of a spread that’s bigger than Maniche’s buffett largely sees questions related to Marca’s massive obsession - aside from the loveliness of José Mourinho...or the loveliness of Cristiano Ronaldo, come to think of it - with the hurling of a cat’s bag of questions at the forward concerning Spanish refereeing and the extent that Real Madrid are on the bad side of it.

“I think it’s ok,” says Ronaldo diplomatically, “but the game is stopped too much. In general I like it, but blowing for so many fouls doesn’t help the spectacle.”

‘Well said’, applauds LLL, although Cristiano’s words might have had carried more weight if himself and Angel di María weren’t responsible for most of the stoppages in the first place with their theatrical tumbles.

Unsurprisingly Marca approves of Ronaldo’s stance and the entire concept of the Portuguese player, in fact, with Tuesday’s editorial gushing that “CR7’s ambition should be the flag for Real Madrid. The player has become a leader on and off the pitch.” It’s praise that should have Casillas supergluing the captain’s armband to himself lest something unfortunate happen...sorry, LLL interrupted...Marca haven’t quite finished with their speech.

“The club have signed a moral leader who is not shirking his responsibility in these current difficult times.” Unlike Ronaldo’s manager, perhaps, who seems to be increasingly out of favour at Real Madrid as the days go by.

Good Day, Bad Day: A Hyperactive HG Wells & some Horrible Haircuts

Tim Stannard — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 14:43:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

Playing Málaga just after seeing Real Madrid drop two platinum-precious points against Almería could have gone one of two ways for Barcelona. Pep’s Dream Boys could have choked and had their own Primera wobble. Or they could have humped the opportunity to pieces by mauling Málaga. Seeing as this team is strong like some kind of graceful ox-type creature, Barça did the latter. The title is now officially theirs to be lost.

Almería

As the injury time spat between Fabián Vargas and Iker Casillas showed, Almería were in Real Madrid’s faces from the first minute to the last on Sunday and were excellent value for their point. It’s just a huge shame that the performance from the bottom-of-the-table club has largely ignored in the Madridista press in favour of pathetic moans about penalties and conspiracies against a side that appears to be relying on refereeing handouts to win games despite having spent half a billion on the squad in recent years.

Incidentally, in the aforementioned rut-fest, LLL would chose the goalkeeper in any scrap, every time. Unless it’s David de Gea who looks like a bit of a wuss.

Incidentally, incidentally, when quizzed by LLL on his thoughts on the rumble - the blog likes to get to the heart of the big issues - Almería striker Henok Goitum tweeted that he was with Vargas all the way. Admirable loyalty.

Cani

The third of Villarreal’s omnipotent playmakers is in rather fine form at the moment, after a goal against Real Madrid last week, another in the Copa del Rey against Sevilla and now an extraordinary effort against Osasuna in a 4-2 win that came from the halfway line. Oh yes it did.

Valencia

'The new year is all about consistency', beamed Unai Emery after a 2-0 win over Deportivo that was as torturous as to be expected against their Galician opponents. Valencia have now won four league games in a row to keep them just two points from Villarreal in third.

But the bigger talking point in the Mestalla world in the coach’s ‘Victorian gent’ look that Unai is sporting these days, cutting a very fine - and very gesticulative - figure on the touchline. A bit like a hyperactive HG Wells directing traffic.

José Callejón

A ludicrous wedge haircut but two fantastic finishes for Espanyol from José Callejón to give the Pericos just their third away win in la Liga all season.

Nacho Cases

The Sporting midfielder was making his home debut in El Molinón in what was another make-or-break game against Hércules for his manager, Manuel Preciado. However, the 23-year-old - not really a youngster is he? - came through with his first for the club and Sporting’s second in a 2-0 win.

Real Zaragoza

Seeing as the match was played in a thick blanket of fog - how all Zaragoza games should be played, perhaps - La Liga Loca can’t tell you too much about the 1-0 victory over Levante except to say that it was the side’s second victory under Javier Aguirre and that Zaragoza’s Jiri Jarozik remains the worst defender in la Primera. Even worse than Rafa at Getafe. That bad.

Real Sociedad

LLL was at the Coliseum to test its theory that although La Real had lost four league games in a row going into the game, the Basque club were still playing some very nice football indeed. For once, the blog was proved right with a (slightly flattering) 4-0 away win over a bedraggled Getafe to move Real Sociedad nicely into eleventh at the halfway point of the season.

Bad Day

Real Madrid

“Team has off day and drops points” was the real story of Sunday’s match. But in the context of the eternal Barça v Real Madrid rumble the result sees the end of the world for the Capital City club in their media, who are not quite ready to throw in the towel on the title race but certainly looking at it anxiously.

Marca are largely blaming the four point gap at the top on a combination of a Barça being brilliant, a lack of striking options for Madrid and, of course, refereeing decisions going against their team - despite Real having been awarded the most penalties of all La Liga sides this season, with six compared to Barcelona’s single spot-kick strike. “Once again, the Whites were victims of refereeing errors” moans Marca’s editorial on Monday.

It’s a similar story in AS who blast “Villarato” on their front cover in relation to the paper’s long-held belief that the head of the Spanish FA, Angel Villar - who really should sue the backsides off AS (as it were) - is ordering referees to work against Madrid in every game of the season.

“It was (Pérez Lasa) who sent off Cristiano a year ago for his arm against Mtiliga,” pointed out Tomás Roncero making no case for the prosecution whatsoever, considering the AS man is referring to an incident where the Madrid player broke the nose of the Málaga defender with an elbow.

LLL suspects what constitutes a perfect game of football for Madrid in the eyes of the club’s fanboy journalists is for the players to kick off, Angel di María to take his traditional tumble in the box, a penalty to be awarded and repeat, repeat, repeat for the next 89 minutes.

Sevilla

A tad unlucky against Espanyol in a 2-1 defeat but the loss was the fourth at home in la Liga this season for Sevilla who now need a win against Villarreal in the cup on Tuesday to stop their campaign getting flushed down the loo.

Hércules

Seeing as they're now getting paid just a fraction of their salaries, the Hércules players seem to be only turning up in a fraction of their matches, with Saturday’s 2-0 defeat at Sporting seeing the Alicante outfit going six away clashes in la Liga without scoring a single goal.

Royston Drenthe

Back in action after the player’s protest with a substitute appearance but nearly came a cropper in the match when crashing his knee against the advertising hoardings.

Getafe

Although LLL predicted a home win for Getafe in it’s weekend predictions, the blog knew that this was going to be a defeat - a 3-0 loss at that, as soon as it sat down at the stadium. In the end LLL was wrong by the odd goal. What has been a common theme for Getafe this season is the side’s regular irregularity.

Levante

Another week and another rant at a referee decision. Last time around it was a late offside goal from Juan Mata that the club feels cost them two precious points. And two more were lost, on Saturday, is the message against Zaragoza after the referee refused to allow a goal coming after a very quickly taken free-kick from Levante.

“The only thing you feel like doing is killing someone,” explained forward, Rubén Suárez, recalling the incident in question. And perhaps needing an hour or two in therapy, too.

La Liga Loca's bottle-chucking, wheeler-dealing weekend predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:26:00 GMT

Saturday

Villarreal (3rd) v Osasuna (15th)

Juanfran’s departure for Atlético Madrid means that there is no-one left in the Osasuna squad who can whack in those beloved hoofed balls into the box for the side on Saturday evening. Then again, an injury to Walter Pandiani means that there’s no-one there to get on the end of them, any way.

Meanwhile, Villarreal’s Cani got his red card rescinded after the footballer half-heartedly chucked a bottle in José Mourinho’s direction, last weekend, in response to the maniac Madrid manager’s technical area invasion, allowing the midfielder to take part - and score - in his side’s wonderfully insane 3-3 draw against Sevilla in the Copa del Rey, on Wednesday.

LLL Prediction - Home win (a big one)

Getafe (7th) v Real Sociedad (12th)

As Getafe tend to buy low and sell high - the direct opposite of Real Madrid, rather neatly - the club has become quite the minx in the transfer market with the kind of wheeling and dealing that would leave Harry Redknapp breathless - before telling you curtly to eff off when asked his opinion on the club’s prowess, no doubt.

Getafe have already been the busiest of beavers by snapping up a couple of out-of-contract freebies for next summer. The first is striker, Diego Castro, from Sporting who could well be replacing Juan Albín, with the forward perhaps moving to Italy for a juicy fee.

The second player who looks set to join the Coliseum ranks in June is Deportivo midfielder, Juan Rodríguez, who is likely to fill the boots of the rather excellent Derek Boateng. But in even better news for the club, this week, it was announced that Javier Arizmendi is set to be out of action until March to the response of hats being thrown into the air in Getafe town centre.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Zaragoza (20th) v Levante (17th)

If Zaragoza owner, Agapito Iglesias, was given a dog to look after then the puppy social services would take away the squealing, mewling creature within days. Unfortunately, no such service exists for football clubs in Spain. If that were the case then Atlético Madrid would have become the oldest foster child in the world.

The construction magnate (what else) follows the ever so fashionable policy of not paying his players and then hiring and firing the managers on a very regular basis who unsurprisingly can’t get anything out of them.

The Aragonese outfit were largely abused and ridiculed for a horrendously limp performance last weekend in a 4-0 defeat at Espanyol. This week, the story came out of why the Zaragoza players’ hearts may not really have been in the game at all - the familiar story in la Liga of salary promises not being honoured.

The current squad - and those who were lucky enough to leave over the summer - are still owed money from last season, as well as the current one, which has caused a bit of a dressing room bust-up, claim Marca, with some fuming footballers calling for a strike on Saturday.

Meanwhile, Iglesias has said that the cash-strapped nature of the club is largely the fault of the local government who should do more - meaning donate tax payers money - for the institution. “It’s good for Zaragoza and the community, I think we should all support the club,” claimed the owner.

LLL - Away win

Sporting (18th) v Hércules (11th)

Scores of students of business schools around the planet many soon be heading to Alicante to study the ingenious business model of Hércules which consists of almost zero costs but fantastic results, nonetheless.

Monday’s impressive 4-1 win over Atlético Madrid was achieved despite the issue of missing salary payments to the players not having been resolved, although Royston Drenthe has now gone back to (volunteer) work. Nevertheless, there may still be more trouble at t’mill to come if the Alicante club’s economic issues are not fixed sharpish, predicts LLL.

“I’ve never experienced anything like this,” admitted super striker, Nelson Valdez, on the curious ways of his current club.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (9th) v Racing Santander (14th)

Very sad news from Racing this week with Oscar Serrano missing the rest of the season having only just returned from a seven month lay off due to a cruciate ligament problem. A recurrence of the same injury sees the very fancy midfielder needing another operation on the troublesome knee.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (10th) v Espanyol (5th)

Whilst there has been much hullabaloo in the Madrid press about what José Mourinho is going to do without Gonzalo Higuaín for the rest of the season other than moan at every opportunity, poor old Espanyol have been suffering in deep, media silence with the loss of ‘seven goals’ Osvaldo who is out of action for two months.

The Italian-Argentinean tore a thigh muscle against Zaragoza, last week, but there was no grumbling from Prat-land on the striker’s absence. “I have full confidence in the forwards we have and we are planning to sign a replacement,” chin-jutted Pochettino. “It has not crossed our minds for one second,” insisted the Espanyol coach as Sergio García squealed delight in the background at the thought of more games.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Valencia (4th) v Deportivo (13th)

Deportivo are currently 1-0 down in their Copa del Rey tie against Almería, but LLL has the future path for the Galician spirit grinders already mapped out. A 1-0 win against their opponents next Thursday and a penalty shoot out. After that it’s back to back to victories against Barcelona and then Real Madrid through spot kicks to win the blinking thing.

From this point, Deportivo get to go global. A worrying thought for a Friday, indeed.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (19th) v Real Madrid (2nd)

Now LLL was watching Thursday’s cup clash between Real Madrid and Atlético in the stands and largely without video replays. It deliberately hasn’t seen any press coverage, or headlines, or moans from Marca, so it is fairly untainted by calls of bias, incompetence, etc from the man in the middle. But the blog considers that a masterful refereeing performances in a wonderful match.

There were some huge tackles which were duly punished, but the referee, Mateu Lahoz, ignored much of the nothing challenges, faking, diving and general nonsense that takes place in games in la Liga and helped contribute to the crackling encounter by letting everything flow, as it were.

However, in about half an hours time, LLL is sure it will read that the morning papers do not agree with the blog. At all. But to quote the great Danny Baker, LLL is sometimes right, sometimes wrong, but always certain.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Málaga (16th)

Staring out at the readers of Barça barmy paper, Sport, every day is Lluís Mascaró - wearing what appears to be his decorating outfit. Either that or the hack’s had an unfortunate accident with a job lot of Tippex.

The Sport writer’s job is largely to write paranoid rants from the fringes of sanity about how everyone and everything outside of Barcelona is out to get the club. Mascaró’s task this week was to defend Leo Messi winning the FIFA Player of the Year award and fend off the attacks from those nasty meanies in Madrid who were ‘uckin’ with his shii’. The journo was given some timely help in this cause with three goals from Argentinean ace in the 5-0 Copa Del Rey victory against Betis.

“A hat-trick to give evidence to the media cave. Messi made it clear, once again, that he deserves the Ballon d’Or in perpetuity.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Mallorca (8th)

Not that it seems to make any difference to their largely hopeless performances, but Atlético Madrid are very unhappy indeed at having to play on a Monday evening for the third week in a row - an evening that is often, but unfairly, viewed as la Liga’s take out the trash night. After all, if that were the case then Deportivo and Zaragoza would feature every week.

Nevertheless, having to play on Monday this weekend, and the last, has given Real Madrid a day’s advantage ahead of preparations for the dual Copa del Rey matches, although it could also be argued that Atleti have been handed one day more to get ready for their league game against Mallorca.

“You don’t know who football is planned for in Spain, certainly not the fans,” pointed out Quique Sánchez Flores quite correctly ahead of a Madrid clash finishing at midnight on a Thursday.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Blatter's Blather and Atlético’s Ambitions

Tim Stannard — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:10:00 GMT

The main preoccupation with the Spanish football press this week was getting their panties in a bunch over what they felt was the criminal decision of a group of footballers, managers and journalists independently deciding not to vote a Spaniard as the FIFA World Player of the Year, Ballon d’Or thingy.

Poor old L’Équipe, who used to dole out the annual prize, seem to have been parked in FIFA’s stinky, old shed at the bottom of the garden like an incontinent aunt to make room for Sepp Blatter’s Nobel Peace Prize bid. But it’s tough titties to those cheese-eating surrender monkey journalists for selling their souls to the Swiss supremo.

Editor of AS, Alfredo Relaño, amongst all the grumbling in the paper about Leo Messi being chosen ahead of Xavi Hernández and Andrés Iniesta, did at least take time to point out that the decision was not “made by a small panel that can be influenced, but an ocean of specialists” and should thus be respected.

“Up yours Delors!” was the spirit of Marca’s offbeat response to Monday’s gala goings-on with the newspaper under the impression that FIFA’s truly lovable leader personally chose Leo Messi just to annoy the heck out of Spain, even further, after failing to give the country the World Cup in 2018 along with a host of other crimes that are probably UEFA’s responsibility. However, Marca has never been a newspaper that’s overly concerned with facts to drive home a point with a king sized mallet.

“Once again, Blatter is against the Spanish!” fist-pumped the paper’s front page on Tuesday getting itself into a big of a tizz. “What does it take to win the Ballon d’Or?” asked the editorial. “The head of FIFA has again shown his antipathy against our football,” an argument that appears to suggest that the organisation’s leader either rigged the competition’s voting or should have.

Looking at some of the eyebrow-raising results of the reader’s polls in the paper from time to time, LLL is sure that someone at Marca can offer advice on how best to do it.

Over in Cataluyna, Sport and Mundo Deportivo had a win, win, win situation over the honour with three Barcelona players in the running for the title. And neither of the papers were going to let their readers forget this.

“Clearly Barça won and any of the three finalists would have accepted it being shared,” opined Santi Nolla in Mundo Deportivo. In the offices of Sport, Josep María Casanovas sensed the swill that Marca were going to concoct and preempted with the plea not to “politicise the prize, Leo is the number one and plays for Barça and in the Spanish league.”

“Guardiola’s Barça is shielded against all hate attacks,” sniffed his colleague, Lluís Mascaró a day later when the plea fell on deaf ears.

But now onto infinitely more interesting business and the continuation of a breathless Copa Del Rey which is set to reach the first leg of the semi-final stages before January is over. Wednesday and Thursday see the start of the quarter-final stages and some rip-roaring ties there are in store, too.

Wednesday’s serving of cup footie starts with the delectable Villarreal against Sevilla. The ever reliable, faithful forward of the Andalusian club, Luis Fabiano, appears to have contracted an unfortunate muscle injury, coincidentally when there is a great deal of chatter concerning a move to Corinthians after a reported €6 million bid that will almost certainly be laughed out of town by his side.

The chatter has mainly come from Luis Fabiano’s agent, José Fuentes, who has his eye on a new Miami Beach condo perhaps and has advised that “now is the best time for Luis Fabiano to leave Sevilla and play in Brazil.”

Second division Real Betis have certainly talked the talk ahead of their clash against Barcelona in the Camp Nou with coach, Pepe Mel, saying the tie was 50-50.

However, Betis lost the first battle in the cup clash when the Spanish FA turned down the rather cheeky request from the near bankrupt club to have the order of the matches reversed so Betis could kick off in the ‘whatever their stadium is called this week’ to help boost the attendance.

It’s harder to get excited about Thursday’s first cup clash considering that Deportivo are involved in it with a visit to Almería, but the same cannot be said for a game kicking off at ten which continues Atlético Madrid’s ambitious bid to lose four times to José Mourinho’s moaners in a single campaign.

These days watching Atlético Madrid is a similar experience as peering into the window of a pet shop: pitiful, sad, sometimes distressing but highly addictive. Still rumpled from a 4-1 ass-kicking by Hércules on Monday night, the Rojiblancos have been in fighting talk mode with José Antonio Reyes claiming that it was a good time to play Madrid as he and his teammates were “angry and upset” and wanted “show everyone the team we are.”

The problem with that plan of action is that the team they are is largely a crap one but one that hopes Atleti’s normal dismal record against Real Madrid in the league won’t be carried through to the cup.

The one lesson Spanish football could learn from Scotland

Tim Stannard — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 09:00:00 GMT

It’s going to happen one day. LLL is sure of it.

One fine, tranquil evening, a manager in la Liga will stroll into a press room, sit down in the hot seat, take the first question which is guaranteed to concern the refereeing of the game and confess that “we got a few decisions go our way today. In fact, they’ve been going our way all season. Crazy really, but there you go.”

But every week until this moment of bliss arrives, the newspapers and TV screens will be stuffed full of coaches and players bleating on about how referees are out to get them in every minute of every match. Meanwhile their club presidents will lie through their teeth by boasting that they would never normally complain about the man in the middle but that a dossier is being sent to the FA, on this particular occasion, blah, blah, blah...

The weekend just gone witnessed Levante manager Luís García almost in tears like an iddy, biddy baby, threatening to quit over an offside decision that cost his team a point against Valencia in a 1-0 defeat, completely ignoring the fact his side royally sucked over 90 minutes probably had more to do with the eventual result.

Luís García - bib, rattle and rusk not pictured...

Later that evening, Levante club president, Francisco Catalan, bleated on Spanish radio station, Cadena Ser, that the decision wasn’t an isolated incident and that refs have been on Levante’s case all year.

The presenter gallantly tried but failed to defend the call in question, admitting he felt the decision was a tough one due to the speed of the pass and subsequent run from Juan Mata, but Catalan was having none of it. “I have to keep on fighting on behalf of my players, for the supporters,” said the Levante big wig stubbornly.

With that comment, Catalan knocked the whole problem with referee-bitching on the head - it’s a handy way to distract fans and the media from abject performances with a bit of a whine and a moan as Lily Allen would put it.

A classic example of this was José Mourinho’s famous club-crested list detailing everything the referee got wrong in a clash against Sevilla just before Christmas in which, by amazing coincidence, Real Madrid were generally quite poor. “Despite this, (Madrid) won” said Marca’s diversionary front cover the day after with the words plastered over a photo of the referee.

Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, was another gripe-monger on Sunday night, thanks to Real Madrid’s third goal which he felt was given by the meany-head ref despite two offsides - complaints completely reversed in a 1-0 defeat to Getafe when he grumbled that the referee “didn’t help” his side by stopping the game too much - despite sending off a Getafe player during one of said stoppages

Curiously, Valencia’s Unai Emery was fairly quiet about Juan Mata’s offside winner at the weekend, and in the match before that, but was happy to vent his spleen over David Albelda’s sending-off in a defeat at the Bernabeu in December which he claimed cost his team points.

Emery: "Nope, fair play - you got that one spot on, ref..."

Although all this blustering takes place in every league in the world, it really is a headline-making, national debate in Spain. Literally.

Sunday’s Marca was dominated by the notion that referees have it in for Real Madrid more than Barcelona, as supposedly proven by the difference in the quantity of yellow and red cards handed out to the pair - 56 to 16 different players for Madrid, compared to 34 for the Catalan club. What’s more, the paper opined that Madrid should have had 11 more penalties in la Liga this season on top of the six they have already been awarded.

As it happens, Real Madrid are merely sixth in the card-receiving table, with Valencia, Sporting and Espanyol in the top three. The trio of clubs must be feeling really aggrieved according to the paper’s logic, but curiously get scant mention in their report. Barcelona have received the least cards, but then again they have made the least amount of fouls.

However, try to gently explain this logic to the silver foil beanie-hat wearing brigade in Spain and they’ll just tell you that Barcelona are never punished for fouls in the first place. The Barça side will claim that they are punished too much under pressure from the Madridista media and repeat to fade.

A closer look at the yellow card stats in Monday’s AS tells a different story, with Real Madrid picking up the same number of yellow cards, 54, as given to the opposition in their matches with a ratio of four to five in red cards, which seems fairly equal to LLL’s admittedly addled mind.

All this nonsense, along with the league tables both papers have which portray la Primera with their versions of decisions, the analysis before every Madrid and Barça game of how many matches they have won/stroke/lost under a certain referee along with the constant snipes from managers and presidents that the league officials are at best incompetent or at worst corrupt makes the blog wonder why Spain’s referees bother turning out at all every weekend.

As happened recently in Scotland, LLL recommends their union takes some hardcore industrial action to try and dampen a campaign across the Spanish game that claims every referee is out to bring down every club in every game.

Something drastic is needed to stop this nonsense once and for all. A strike might just do this much-needed job.

Good Day, Bad Day: Crying Coaches and Angry Kittens

Tim Stannard — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:48:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

Pep’s Dream Boys - as officially endorsed by FIFA on Monday night, according to the local press - beat Deportivo using the most basic trick in the tactical book against the Galician outfit: staying awake for the whole ninety minutes when facing their terrifically tedious opponents.

Cristiano Ronaldo

The big question to be asked after Ronaldo’s hat-trick against Villarreal on Sunday night is not how many goals the smoldering Portuguese forward will end up scoring this season, but what’s with the ‘angry kitten’ goal celebration he appears to have taken a shine to in recent weeks? Tool.

Ronaldo scored the perfect hat-trick against Villarreal in the Bernabeu, one with the right foot, one with the left and a header - but it was perhaps the latter which saved his side’s bacon coming just before the half time break to deal ‘a major blow’ to Villarreal as their blustering boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, confessed after the game.

And while LLL is here and hanging about, it really is time for a summit to take place between everyone in the game in Spain with different media organisations giving different goal tallies for Ronaldo, at the moment, depending on their suck-up levels to Real Madrid and how they interpret a free-kick smacking into Pepe’s back in a victory over Real Sociedad.

Villarreal

A huge pat on the back to Villarreal who came to the Bernabeu looking for all three points, unlike many of their fellow cowardly custard teams this season. And LLL is looking at you, Sevilla.

The first sign that Villarreal were going for Real Madrid’s gonads with a swift kick on Sunday was a breathtaking opening move that eased its way though the home side’s midfield and defence, a sign of what was in store for Madrid for the rest of the first half.

Juan Mata

The Valencia striker is being a bit of a cheeky monkey at the moment, having bagged a late winner for the men from Mestalla last weekend with a header that was ‘this much‘ offside.

Mata repeated the feat on Sunday in the local derby against Levante where the visitors deserved the winner, but relied on a through ball to Mata who looks a good metre offside when it was initially delivered.

Levante coach, Luis García, certainly thought so and appeared to be on the brink of tears after the game lamenting a number of decisions that he claims have gone against his plucky Primera outfit, this season. “I don’t really feel like managing on Monday,” sniffed García as the press corp offered up tissues and Tequila.

Manuel Preciado

Once again, it looks like the Sporting coach will be hanging on for another week in his post. A defeat - and instant sacking for Preciado - looked on the cards with Racing winning 1-0 and the match in injury time. But then a header for Diego Castro gave Sporting a mighty point and lifted the side off the bottom of the table.

Athletic Bilbao

Athletic left it very late indeed to pick up a point at Málaga with Javi Martínez reverse heading a free kick in the third minute of injury time from a free kick.

“This team never gives a game up as lost,” puffed Joaquín Caparrós.

Freddie Kanouté

A couple of lovely efforts from the most graceful striker in the game gave Sevilla a second successive league win after a sparkling 3-2 victory at Real Sociedad.

Mallorca

Gained revenge for conceding four goals to Almería in the Balearics in a cup clash, on Thursday, by scoring four of their own in a 4-1 win in an identical fixture.

Espanyol

An awful Zaragoza and a perky perico performance in El Prat-land is the theme of the day from Paul from Barcelona who was there to watch a 4-0 win for his team.

“If you are a Zaragoza fan you might not want to read this. God! Your team are poor. They lacked everything...skill, pace, commitment and tons more. Just from the way they lined up in the first two minutes could see it was only going to end one way.

Espanyol dominated from start to finish. After Osvaldo opened the scoring with a glancing header from a great cross from Dídac, that was it. The second half was played at half speed and apart from one superb stop from Carlos Kameni, Zaragoza offered nothing.

Sergio García opened his Espanyol account by scoring against his old team, an open goal after a defensive howler, even Sergio couldn’t miss. The scoreline actually reflected the play. Espanyol really were four goals better.

800 Zaragoza fans who were vocal and respectful throughout (minute’s silence, the Jarque minute). Hats off to them as opposed to that bunch of morons we had here on Thursday (Atlético - LLL). The Zaragoza fans deserve better. They showed more passion in two mins than their team did in 90. If they carry on like this they will be down by the end of March.

Espanyol needed the points to stop the rot especially as the next few games are really tough. Three out of four away then Real Madrid at home. A good performance today that showed the squad ain’t half bad. The ref was fine. Not biased and that’s all we ask for.”

Paul, Barcelona

Bad Day

Málaga

Was that a frown of frustration that LLL caught on the forehead of the normally docile Manuel Pellegrini? It may well have been with Málaga dropping two points at home from a set-piece play in injury time from Athletic Bilbao in a 1-1 draw.

Incidentally, a note to Marca - was it really necessary to make the former Real Madrid boss your ‘bad guy’ of the week on the back page of Saturday’s edition, simply for losing 5-0 at home to Barcelona in the Camp Nou amongst other crimes? Gah! LLL is such a silly Billy. That was José Mourinho wasn’t it?

Juan Carlos Garrido

“I am what I am, active, restless,” and really, really, scary. And quite angry too. The Villarreal coach only fielded two questions after the Real Madrid match on Sunday night. The first was an answer of “it was a tough game” to one particularly poking journalist who received a death stare in return.

The second was an uninterrupted five minute rant about the refereeing performance - which LLL thought was fairly decent on the whole, but there you go - and all sorts of other nonsense that the blog eventually tuned out on.

Zaragoza

Paul from Barcelona has already spouted plenty on his thoughts on these seemingly Segunda-bound softies. But AS also noted that the side played “without spirit or soul” in the 4-0 defeat to Espanyol with manager, Javier Aguirre, lamenting that “we chose a bad day and a bad place to play our worst match.”

Real Sociedad

Four league defeats in a row now for Real Sociedad, but Saturday’s 2-3 setback against Sevilla was a tad harsh with the Basque club playing some fairly sprightly stuff. LLL will be heading down to Getafe on Saturday to have a closer look at the suffering side from San Sebastian and see what’s up.

Osasuna

The Pamplonans have only managed to score three goals in their last six league matches. The problem is those strikes all arrived in one match and only resulted in one point in a 3-3 draw against Valencia. Osasuna’s latest lock-out was against Getafe in a goalless draw.

This unfortunate situation is not going to get any better with the imminent sale of Juanfran to Atlético and the continuing absence of Javad Nekounam on Asian Cup duty with Iran.

The Shoulder-Rubbing, Hércules-Baiting Weekend La Liga Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 10:59:00 GMT

Saturday

Málaga (16th) v Athletic Bilbao (8th)

One of the strangest interview moments in LLL’s long, painful career was attempting to speak to Julio Baptista many moons ago. The blog asked the Brazilian beast who he felt was the player of the year in la Liga. Baptista gave LLL a bit of a rub on the shoulder said he would think about it before wandering off.

The blog is still waiting for the answer. And it might well get it as Baptista is back in Spain after a holiday in Serie A and has ended up at Málaga along with four other footballers and counting.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (11th) v Sevilla (10th)

Whilst Sevilla winning not one but two games of football in a week with the cup victory over Málaga adding to the narrow passage against Osasuna will certainly be considered a very good thing by supporters, the return to action of Sergio Sánchez must surely be a very, very, very, very good thing indeed.

A year ago, the defender was diagnosed with a heart problem that forced him out of the game immediately with thoughts of the tragic fates of former teammate Dani Jarque and Sevilla star, Antonio Puerta very much in mind.

Happily, an operation seems to have fixed the coronary issue with Sánchez having been given the go ahead to return to training at the end of December and potentially playing in a month or two. “I just wish that Jarque had the same chance,” said Sánchez when the wonderful news of his return came through.

Meanwhile in San Sebastian, eight Real Sociedad players could be walking themselves into hot water by attending a proposed match in support of repatriating ETA prisoners to Basque prisons.

“Would they promote a march in favour of rapists, abusers, drug traffickers or pedophiles?” asked a statement released by the Association of the Victims of Terrorism.

“Any member of Real Sociedad has the freedom to participate in any act according to their ideology...without the assumption that the organisation and its member support the act, too,” was the response from the Federation of Real Sociedad Fan Groups.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (12th) v Barcelona (1st)

Pep Guardiola knew that a Copa Del Rey exit might be coming the Dream Boys’ way on Wednesday with the Athletic Bilbao tie goalless from the first leg. “Even the LA Lakers lose sometimes,” warned the expectation-managing coach.

As it happens it was like Maniche putting on his trousers for the first time after Christmas and the tightest of squeezes with Barça relying on away goals to pass through after a 1-1 draw.

Meanwhile, back in La Coruña, striker Adrián is the talk of the town by breaking recent Deportivo tradition with his fancy goal getting ways. The forward bagged two against Athletic Bilbao at the weekend and three against Cordobá in a cup clash that needed extra time to ease Dull Depor through.

Nevertheless, there’s no reason to get too excited just yet about a thrills and spills revival in Galicia as three of those goals were penalties, one was a deflected shot giving Adrián just the one proper goal according to LLL’s largely biased calculations.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Mallorca (9th) v Almería (19th)

What better way to do a prediction for Mallorca v Almería than by watching Mallorca v Almería which it is doing at the moment in the Copa del Rey. Spooky.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (15th) v Getafe (7th)

As LLL is a go-getting, thinking in advance kind of blog, it is writing this wee preview about the Getafe match on a bank holiday Thursday afternoon. Whilst watching Getafe. Oh yes.

In a fine experiment, the club’s Coliseum clash against Betis in the second leg of their Copa del Rey tie was scheduled at midday. And a rip roaring success it seems to be, too, with around 11,000 in the stands including some 500 already fairly ‘vivacious’ Betis fans. It’s an attendance that’s a good six or seven thousand more than would have come to a game kicking off at 10pm, an hour that it still a regular occurrence for midweek fixtures.

At the moment, in the opening minutes of the second half, Getafe are getting battered by Betis - as they have been for much of the game. But, the score is still goalless with Getafe 2-1 up in the tie. Let’s see if that lasts.

It didn’t. Betis grabbed three, Getafe got one back but it was all too late. Betis 4-3 winners on aggregate and set to face Barcelona in the next round which kicks off next week, not that anyone knows the day or time of the games at time of writing.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (5th) v Zaragoza (18th)

This time last year struggling Zaragoza brought in seven new players in the window window - a mastermind move that kept the Aragonese outfit in the top-flight. The problem now is that struggling Zaragoza may not be able to repeat the same nifty move.

In a deal done between the Spanish League and the Players’ union, any clubs which owe money to any footballers may not sign anyone else until that debt is either paid or a deal is done between the two parties. Unless the club in question is in administration, which lets the IOU-collecting Mallorca off the hook, strangely enough.

Zaragoza currently owe former goalkeeper, Javier López Vallejo €150,000 and the super stopper wants it right now, meaning that Javier Aguirre may well be stuck with the collection of half-wits and misfits he’s got in his squad until May.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (14th) v Sporting (20th)

It is quite touching really, but it seems that Sporting president, Manuel Vega-Arango, genuinely doesn’t want to sack Manuel Preciado. And it’s hard not to see why considering how brilliant the moustache-sporting magician has been to the club in his five or so years there having brought them up to the top flight after nearly a decade in oblivion - well, la Segunda which is as close as it gets - and kept them there.

But, defeat to Racing on Sunday would leave Vega-Arango running a bottom of the table team and with no choice but to fire Preciado although he did promise that “there’s no deadline.”

This leaves LLL in bit of a quandary. The blog dearly wants a Sporting victory, but its hopeless predicting prowess means that it may have to forecast the opposite for this whopper of a clash.

LLL Prediction- Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Villarreal (3rd)

Rather than worrying about what Real Madrid were going to do all season without Gonzalo Higuaín who is set for back surgery and with Karim Benzema - one league goal, thank you very much - Marca have attempted a bizarre diversion tactic which has the aim of avoiding topics such as José Mourinho being right in the summer about needing another forward and Florentino Pérez and Jorge Valdano being very, very wrong.

The club has got its panties in the biggest of bunches about the notion that Higuaín would be traveling abroad for his operation and launched a ludicrous and yet quite surreal “in defence of Spanish medicine” campaign by listing the names of doctors who could perform the necessary treatment on the Argentinean striker.

And that got the blog a’thinkin’ what the root cause of the campaign was. Some kind of freebie for the paper’s editor sprung to mind, a new brain perhaps, but then it realised the obvious - Spanish sports medicine has been beneficial for a number of the country’s most famous athletes. Especially its cyclists. And runners.

No wonder Higuaín is heading to foreign shores.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (17th) v Valencia (17th)

Levante against Real Madrid on Thursday night: worse than a testimonial, practice match and friendly at the same time. Fact.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Hércules (13th) v Atlético Madrid (13th)

It isn’t the club president that Hércules winger, Royston Drenthe, should feel most upset at. Nor even the supporters who met him with insults at the airport on his arrival back in Alicante in the new year and those who painted vicious threats on the walls of his house.

It’s Drenthe’s teammates, and especially his manager Esteban Vigo, who have been nothing but spiteful and backstabbing in their treatment of him, whilst the Dutchman was away from the club in protest of receiving one wage packet in six months.

“We are all owed money, probably more than him, but I’m here and there’s no problem,” scoffed Vigo. “Maybe that’s because you are a gutless, yes-man buffoon and Ricky Drenthe actually has some stones,” is LLL’s reply.

LLL Prediction - Away win (hopefully)

Good Day, Bad Day: Perfect Pedro and Awful Atlético

Tim Stannard — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 16:19:00 GMT

RESULTS Sun 2 Jan Athletic Bilbao 1-2 Deportivo La Coruña, Barcelona 2-1 Levante, Sporting Gijón 1-2 Málaga, Sevilla 1-0 Osasuna, Valencia 2-1 Espanyol Mon 3 Jan Villarreal 2-0 Almería, Real Zaragoza 2-1 Real Sociedad, Atlético Madrid 0-0 Racing Santander, Mallorca 3-0 Hércules, Getafe 2-3 Real Madrid

GOOD DAY

Pedro
The league has got to such a barmy bipolar state that panic breaks out across the Spanish sporting media unless Barcelona thrash another side a billion nil. In the English Premier League, sides such as Manchester United have off days – ones where they eke out points rather than rubbing their tackle in their opposition’s faces for 90 minutes – without everyone flapping their arms about in panic. But in Spain, this simply isn’t tolerated. Barça weren’t great against a disciplined Levante, but Pedro was with two goals that gave his team the three points, which is all that matters really.

Cristiano Ronaldo
One of the more admirable traits of Cristiano Ronaldo is that he belongs to the dwindling breed of football who probably who hates the winter break in the season – potentially the only la Liga player of this ilk. The week away from work stopped the Madrid forward from running around like a loon whilst falling over a bit and scoring lots of goals. A brace against Getafe puts Ronaldo clear at the top of the striking charts with 19 league goals – not even at the halfway stage.

Getafe
“If you're going to die, then die on your feet,” wrote Tomás Roncero in AS in admiring Getafe’s performance against Madrid in the Coliseum on Monday night. More often than not, it’s not Real Madrid’s fault that their games can be a dull as ditch water when facing supposedly lesser opposition – it’s just that opponents can lack ambition when playing them. See Espanyol’s waste-of-space performance at the Bernabeu earlier in the season.

But when teams do have a pop, as Real Sociedad and Hércules showed, it can bring out Madrid’s highly entertaining, battling properties and make it quite a game with yellow and red cards aplenty. Getafe had won their last four league games and sat in seventh, so they were able to throw everything they could at Madrid in what was a cracking Coliseum clash.

Borja Valero
A goal from one free-kick and an assist from another keeps Villarreal ticking over in third with a perfunctory performance in a 2-0 win against Almeria.

Valencia
A ludicrous own goal from Ricardo Costa – think stooping Trevor Brooking header, but in the wrong bag – looked like giving Espanyol a draw in Mestalla. But things went 10-man Valencia’s way for once and Juan Mata headed home an injury-time winner. It was a light year offside, but victorious gaffer Unai Emery seemed not to care: “I understand that Espanyol feel cheated but we also feel cheated," shrugged the madcap Mestalla mister. "Both sides have cause for complaint.”

Jesus Navas
(Sigh) That was painful. Still, Sevilla’s frackin’ awful 1-0 win against Osasuna, which went on and on and on and on and on and on, did give LLL a chance to start working its way through all the leftovers lurking in the fridge from Christmas and New Year. Which means the increasingly portly blog should probably go for a run or something rather than writing this nonsense.

The only bright spot in the game which ended an appalling run of five matches without a league win for Sevilla was the return of Jesus Navas, whose free kick set up Freddie Kanoute for the winner and whose pass to Alvaro Negredo was Sevilla’s other decent chance of the night.

Deportivo
For those puzzled – terrified, perhaps – by the notion of Deportivo being capable of scoring two goals away from home, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. The first effort was a penalty and the second was a deflected shot, both from Adrián. So no need for packing everything up into a van and heading for the hills to await Armageddon just yet.

Málaga
Because the LFP apparently couldn’t be bothered opening their offices to register new players until January 3, Málaga couldn’t field their gaggle of new signings such as goalkeeper Sergio Asenjo and Martín DiMichelis. However, the old lot that had lost the last two league games along with a cup clash against Sevilla (conceding 12 goals along the way for good measure) managed to pick up a 2-1 win against Sporting on Saturday. It was almost enough to make Manuel Pellegrini smile.

Toño
The Racing ‘keeper kept out Atlético’s attack for 90 minutes in a goalless draw at the Vicente Calderón. That’s one of the reasons why Toño is reportedly target for Pep’s Dream Boys to replace current reserve keeper José Pinto – that and the latter’s current taste for braiding his hair like a seven-year-old girl.

Zaragoza
Blimey. Zaragoza left it very late indeed with a strike from Braulio giving the side a 2-1 win over Real Sociedad and their first victory under Javier Aguirre.

Mallorca
Steadied a wobble of three matches without a win with a 3-0 victory over Hércules.

BAD DAY

Atlético Madrid
One year older and one year wiser. That’s what LLL realised upon taking the decision not to head to the Vicente Calderón to catch Atlético Madrid against Racing – that and the desire to catch the mighty Getafe battle Real Madrid, too.

What the blog missed seeing in glorious Technicolor was Atleti throwing away yet more points at home as the side has already done against Almería and Espanyol with a goalless draw against the side from Santander.

“Racing came to buy a point at the Calderón and found the sales had begun,” noted AS. The Rojiblancos were without the departed Simao, the suspended José Antonio Reyes and the sitting in the stands looking quite chirpy on the whole Diego Forlán.

Hércules
Rarely has a defeat – a 3-0 loss to Mallorca, even – been so richly deserved for an institution that LLL has taken a real dislike to after match-fixing allegations have been followed by continuing stories of players going unpaid.

Star loanee Royston Drenthe – who can hardly be doubted for his commitment levels, having considered buying out his Real Madrid contract to face his parent club – complained that he hadn't been paid for five months, and protested by returning late from the winter break.

The Dutchman returned to Alicante to find that he needed police protection from a hate mob gathered at the airport to greet him. Back at his house, the walls had been scrawled with abusive messages such as ‘KKK’. Meanwhile, Hércules president Valentín Botella and coach Esteban Vigo condemned their player in public. Lovely stuff.

Athletic Bilbao
‘Tis true that Athletic were reduced to nine men (and Deportivo to 10) by a self-loving referee who felt the players were getting far too much attention, but the Bilbao bunglers only had themselves to blame for Sunday’s home defeat.

Centre-backs Mikel San José and Ustaritz Aldekoaotalora Astarloa (oh yes) both saw red, but Athletic blew their own foot clean off with a sporting bazooka by giving away a penalty in the first half and proceeding to miss a number of clear chances, the main culprits being Fernando Llorente (unexpectedly) and Gaika Toquero (very much expectedly).

LLL’s bold fourth-placed-finish prediction for Athletic is being made to look very silly indeed thanks to dumb-ass results like these.

Manuel Preciado
The Sporting fans are an admirable and loyal lot, but it seems even their patience has been pushed too far by defeat to Malaga, judging by the grumblings in Gijón and on the club’s message boards.

Chica
No, not for having a girl’s name – literally – but the Espanyol defender has ended up in LLL’s bad books for an outrageous injury fake to get Aritz Aduriz sent off.

The two players were having a bit of a tussle over a set-piece, as you do. The Valencia forward swung his arm somewhat more forcibly than normal to catch Chica on the wrist. This then forced the pathetic Perico to the ground, holding his arm like Peter Duncan in Flash Gordon.

But instead of declaring “spare me the madness!” and calling for a swift death, Chica dragged himself off the pitch for treatment and then trotted back on seconds later.

The whole unsavoury incident proved once and for all that most footballers are reprehensible scumbags who will gladly screw each other to gain any kind of advantage. A bit like journalists, really.

La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year – Part Two

Tim Stannard — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 14:44:00 GMT

Stop holding your breath! After listing the best quotes from the first six months of what we must now call 'last year', your very own Tim Stannard completes the job…

July

“It doesn’t help having an orchestra with the 10 best guitarists if I don’t have a pianist” – Manuel Pellegrini treads a path familiar to many a manager at Real Madrid, as the club follows its traditional sporting policy: “Here’s a footballer, minion, now go do something useful with him!”

“I’ve been in the eye of a hurricane since I was 17. There were times I thought about going but then said ‘Where am I going to go?’” – Raul's quandary is quickly answered by Real Madrid’s bosses, whose suggestion of “Anywhere but here, moody chops” forces the club captain to Schalke.

“Mister... I came here to win and with you we can do it!” says Ronaldo lovingly to Jose Mourinho. “I’m going to make you a winner again!” is the gooey response from the manager. That's the emotional interchange between the Galactico pair – as imagined by Marca, anyway – who come over all Mills & Boon on Ronaldo’s return to pre-season training.
LLL, 28 July: The king is dead. Long live Ronaldo!

August

“This is going to be my year at Real Madrid” – Turns out Karim Benzema is quite right, as long as by "my year" the lackadaisical Frenchman meant “score just one league goal and be publicly insulted by my boss for being a lazy so-and-so”.

“Let them prove this, and if they do let them punish us, but they won’t as there is nothing” – Hercules player Tote already knows that absolutely nothing will be done by those running the game in Spain after another match-fixing scandal (involving the Alicante side’s promotion from la Segunda) is swept under the carpet.

“If something happens to Higuain or Benzema, then we’ll have a problem” – The Special One with a special prediction that four months later causes a falling out with his bosses over the signing of a new striker when the Argentinian comes a cropper with a back injury.

“If I’m feeling a bit low then I put it on again” – Andres Iniesta reveals that he gets happy watching the DVD of his World Cup-winning goal if the he ever has to spent too much time in the company of grouchy Victor Valdes.

"C'mon, grumpy, dance! Dance!! DANCE!!!!"

September

“I recognise that I don’t have the talents of my teammates in the Spanish side... I see Iniesta playing and all the others and think ‘I’d pay to watch them’” – Joan Capdevila is very much the modest man in reflecting on the summer’s World Cup victory.

“I’m here for 10 days of holiday” – Ordering Esteban Granero to run around some cones during the international break isn’t a great strain for Jose Mourinho, who claims he could combine some Bernabeu baby-sitting with looking after the Portugal team in their time of crisis.

“He is egotistical. I will say that, but not in a bad way” – Iker Casillas gives his full support to better half Sara Carbonero, who claimed in an interview that Cristiano Ronaldo was, like a narcissistic opera singer warming up, all "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!".

“We were watching a Premier League game and in 10 minutes there were four or five similar tackles but there were no cards” – Aitor Ocio laments the ‘contact equals yellow’ ruling of la Liga’s clown posse of match-ruining referees after colleague Fernando Amorebieta saw red in a 3-1 defeat against Barça.

“I don’t have to justify the absence of Pedro León to you” – Having left the Madrid midfielder out of the Champions League squad to face Auxerre, Jose Mourinho fails to realise that if he won't get a quiet life in the press unless he explains himself.
LLL (with video), 28 September: Jose Mourinho finally gets mad

October

“If a good offer comes along, I’ll study it” – Diego Forlan gets himself into a spot of hot water with his bosses and fans after this admission on the chances of him moving back to England for another crack at the Premier League.

“He didn’t hit me, but it could have hurt had he done it” – Almeria’s Juanma Ortiz comes up with a Minority Report excuse for his face-clutching dive after getting Malaga’s Eliseu sent off.

“When it comes to sex, I’m very old-school. I’m old-school and boring in everything” – Real Sociedad coach Martin Lasarte takes the concept of a revealing interview to the extreme, as Mrs Lasarte nods her head sadly.

"Let's give 'im the benefit of our expeeeerience..."

“Pep’s renewal will not be a soap opera” – An insanely hopeful prediction from Sport, considering the paper is still running stories on the Barça boss’ next contract deal.

“You can’t imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitches” – Hercules manager Esteban Vigo thinks he has problems, but they got worse: he and his squad went unpaid, forcing on-loan Royston Drenthe to return to Real Madrid.

“They have manipulated the accounts we presented” – Joan Laporta responds to accusations from the new Barcelona board that his supposed end-of-year profit was nothing of the sort.

November

“After two years most of my hair fell out. Imagine what it’ll be like after 50!” – Pep Guardiola responds to Jose Mourinho’s suggestion that the Barça boss should stay at the Camp Nou for the next half a century.
LLL, 10 November: The only coach who loves La Liga life

“I was possibly a bit hard and went too far, but deep down I’m proud of what I said and would say it again” – Sporting manager Manuel Preciado regrets nada having called Jose Mourinho a ‘scumbag’ for his suggestions that his Asturian side gave up in a clash against Barça at the Camp Nou by fielding a weakened team.

“Let’s see if they score eight on Monday!” – Reacting to Barcelona's 8-0 win over Almeria in the game before a certain Clasico clash, Cristiano Ronaldo is quite right: Barça only manage to put five past Real Madrid.

December

“Manuel Preciado should call Mourinho and ask why he let Barcelona win” – After Real Madrid’s Clasico outclassing, professional cheeky-chappy (ie nut-job) and Osasuna striker Walter Pandiani gets out the stirring spoon.

“We have to do this to pay the salaries!” – Sandro Rosell pleads poverty as the reason for the Barcelona upsetting a few socios by signing a five-year €165m deal with the Qatar Foundation.

“Barça is no longer 'more than a club', it’s just like any other club” – Johan Cruyff, perhaps still a tad touchy some five months after incoming president Sandro Rosell took away his shiny president-of-honour badge.

“I’d have preferred to watch a game in the Vietnamese League on Eurosport than this” – A remarkably grumpy Jose Mourinho fails to enjoy his team’s 1-0 over Sevilla that preceded a rant against his bosses and the league’s referees.

“Mourinho is a cry baby” – Unai Emery doesn't hold water with his Portuguese colleague’s theory that the country’s referees are out to get Real Madrid’s men.

La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year - Part One

La Liga Loca’s Quotes of the Year - Part One

Tim Stannard — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:18:00 GMT

Our very own Tim Stannard runs through some of the more questionable quotations from the last 12 months of Spanish football...

January

“I’ve got to look for players who won’t let me down...some of them aren’t going to cheat me anymore” - Atlético boss, Quique Sánchez Flores, whips himself into a heck of a huff after a 3-0 defeat to Recreativo in the Copa del Rey with a message he was to repeat several times during the year. And will continue to do so until his inevitable firing sometime in February.

“Palma is a city where people live very comfortably. If we play at five o'clock people are still eating their paella. If we play at night, it’s too cold and people watch it on TV. If we play at seven, then it’s too humid” - the then Mallorca boss, Gregorio Manzano, laments the fact that only 37 spectators bothered to watch his side’s wonderful campaign in the Ono Estadi which saw a fifth-placed finish.

“I don’t care if the dates of the centenary are correct or not” - Spanish FA president, Angel Villar, wasn’t going to let the fact that his organisation celebrated their 75th birthday 21 years ago get in the way of a series of monumental lunches to commemorate the non-occasion.

“This is the worst moment of my career” - Robert Pires hadn’t even heard the words “Aston Villa”, “transfer” and “living in a hotel in Birmingham” when he was lamenting his lot during some dark days on the fringes at Villarreal.

“We may have seen a red but anyone who knows anything about football understands this isn’t a red” - Cristiano Ronaldo puts the blame entirely on Málaga defender, Patrick Mtiliga, for his sending off after thoughtlessly interrupting the path of the Real Madrid’s player’s elbow with his nose which was subsequently broken.

“Florentino Pérez is kind, cares about the fans, has promoted his stars well and kept confidence in the coach. It’s Pellegrini who is the disgrace” - Marca kick off their charming and still ongoing attack on the former Real Madrid manager which sparked the “side once lead by Manuel Pellegrini lose to Barça” spoof headline after November’s 5-0 defeat.

February

“I can’t stand those who doubt my professionalism” - Guti is quite right to take such a stance in a year when the maverick midfielder claimed he was staying at Real Madrid, wanted to play in Italy and England before choosing Turkey to continue his football adventure and drive his car into the sides of buses after one too many. Allegedly.

“He has to be cooked slowly, not shoved in the microwave” Getafe manager, Míchel, opines on the future for the then Racing striker and Spain’s most promising young talent, Sergio Canales, who has since found himself stuffed into a freezer after his move to Real Madrid.

Canales: pierce film lid, microwave for 10 mins, leave to stand...

“I apologise to the fans. They don’t deserve this emotional roller coaster” - Poor Quique Sánchez is back with all the huffing after 0-2 home defeat to Málaga in the league.

“The relationship between club and fans is worthy of a doctoral thesis” - Sevilla president José María del Nido contemplates the up-and-down nature of the Sánchez Pizjuán crowd, although the root causes of the fans’ dislike of Alvaro Negredo could be explained by a slightly slow seven-year-old with a crayon.

“This is scientific certification that Madrid should be two points better off” - Marca director and winner of LLL’s ‘Idiot of the Year’ award once again, Eduardo Inda, concludes that a giant refereeing conspiracy was assisting Barça in an open letter to Pep Guardiola.

“Madrid start with a nine point advantage. The three they earn at the Vicente Calderón, the three they win against us at the Bernabeu and the three that Barcelona leave here” - Atleti president, Enrique Cerezo, details the charitable contributions made by his club to Real Madrid year on year after a 2-1 win over Barça.

March

“Censors and the media cave will not twist or dilute our opinions and shared objectives” - Joan ‘Joan’ Laporta comes up with a typically nutty, paranoid reason to join Twitter and Facebook away from the usual excuse of wanting to willfully ignore actual human beings around you by hammering away on a Crackberry.

“Things went badly at Espanyol and Javier Clemente. He told me to find another team as he didn’t like small players” - Albert Crusat leaves the world wondering if there’s a parallel world with the former Spain manager managing a Barcelona side with Xavi and Messi on the bench and Javier Arizmendi up front

“I have the support of the players and the club” - Wonderfully optimistic - but probably sarcastic - words from Manuel Pellegrini after Real Madrid’s traditional early doors ejection from the Champions League after defeat to Lyon.

“You need to bring a shot gun. ‘Bang, bang’ and that’s it” - Former Mallorca manager Gregorio Manzano with an tactic on stopping Leo Messi that LLL is quite sure is illegal in Spain. Except in some remote parts of Andalusia during harsh winters perhaps.

“We’ve got ourselves into this situation and it’s us who have to get us out of it” - The then Sevilla boss, Manolo Jiménez was half right on his prediction before a 1-1 draw against Xerez meant that it was everyone else was forced to dig themselves out of the hole he had lead them into due to his immediate sacking.

April

“I went to an interview. I had to as my parents made me so I wouldn’t be hanging around the house” - Villarreal midfielder, Cani, reveals how close he came to an alternative career of blocking supermarket aisles with stock trolleys before he was eventually saved by Zaragoza.

Cani: "Clean up in aisle seven..."

“My results are lamentable. They are enough to get a coach sacked” - Onésimo Sánchez showed he may have more potential as a hiring and firing president in la Liga than a manager having being sacked as coach of Valladolid just a day after his observation.

“The match delegate for Madrid has to think seriously about the possibility of offering two balls to the ref: one for the game and one for Ronaldo” - Roberto Palomar writing in Marca on Cristiano’s tendency to hog the ball as much as he does the mirror.

“I prefer spending 14 hours on a bus to play in the Champions League than watch the semis on TV” - Pep Guardiola with a wonderfully barbed...er....barb thrown in the direction of the Spanish capital ahead of a lengthy volcano-inspired bus trip to Italy to face Inter Milan.

“I’m staying at Getafe, I’ve got a five year contract and the project the president offered me really excites me” - Pedro León was so thrilled by the future at the Coliseum that he moved to Real Madrid three months later.

May

“There will be 32,000 people there and if we count every Sevilla fan as three, we are 96,000” - José Maria del Nido becomes the first president in la Liga history to overreport the match attendance before the Copa del Rey final against Atlético Madrid.

“For me, Guti is gone. I read what he said and that’s what counts. He said goodbye to the fans, did a lap of the pitch” - Mourinho pretty much stamps on any last, lingering chance of Guti staying on at the Santiago Bernabeu. And then pees on it for good measure.

“It is one of the most important elements in a footballer’s recovery” - Neither hot women, rest, nor a comfy bed to take a siesta in were the concerns of Marca during the World Cup in South Africa, instead it was issues over the importation of the team’s Jamon Serrano.

If Pep doesn’t want Ibra then I’d recommend he went to a mental hospital” - Zlatan’s agent Mino Raiola signals the beginning of the end of his client’s short-lived stay at the Camp Nou, or maybe even the end of the beginning...or the middle of the end.

June

“Sometimes (the decisions) will be unpopular and unpleasant but they’ve got to be taken” - Valencia president, Manuel Llorente talking about the sale of David Villa to Barcelona, although LLL suspects he is alluding to the purchase of serial chance-blower, Roberto Soldado.

“It’s contradictory to have the logo of UNICEF and sign agreements with Uzbekistan” - The then Barcelona presidential candidate, Sandro Rosell, still with his business morals intact during a wonderfully bitchy election campaign.

“With the situation we’re in and with the stress, sometimes your body doesn’t do what you want ask it. But not me. I disconnect well enough” - Getafe president, Angel Torres, makes everyone feel a touch icky claiming there were no downstairs problems in his love-house no matter how badly his team were doing.

La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year - Part Two

What has made Mourinho so mad at Madrid?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 11:56:00 GMT

The first question put to Aitor Karanka by journalists on Tuesday was one of an existential bent: “why are you here?”

All José Mourinho’s assistant could do was dodge the honest answer that the Bernabeu big wigs don’t trust his boss and have come over all ‘buck, buck’ chicken by stitching up poor Aitor by hurling him in front of the press before the Levante match rather than the main man of Madrid.

Unsurprisingly, few of the questions related to Wednesday’s Copa del Rey clash, but instead Karanka was forced to straight bat a series of gonad-endangering googlies concerning the club’s campaign against referees and the failed relationship between Jorge Valdano, Madrid’s Sporting Director, and his rebellious underling, José Mourinho.

Karanka had been handed this thankless task after a virtuoso press conference display by Mourinho after Sunday’s Sevilla match where every fluid ounce of his spleen was vented in a very public place.

The Portuguese coach complained that he wanted a direct meeting with his president and hinted that he was feeling exposed by his bosses after a series of little spats during the year which included the tiff with Manuel Preciado, being sent off against Murcia and then suspended by UEFA for the Ajax yellow card affair.

And then there’s the referees in Spain who are apparently running a campaign against his players with only Mourinho being man enough to mention it.

However, The Special One’s real ball-busting issue is being told by Valdano that there will be no purchase of a new striker in the winter window - something that has been demanded since the summer - despite Gonzalo Higuaín’s back injury and Karim Benzema proving perhaps once and for all to be utterly unreliable.

This was a club-tearing clash that was bound to come at some point or another despite Mourinho’s claim at the beginning of his tenure that he has no problems working with Sporting Directors - aside from those who publicly insult him perhaps as Valdano did when writing an opinion piece in Marca in a few years before suggesting that Mourinho’s footballing style was not exactly easy on the eye.

Although the football media in Spain like nothing more than making much ado about nothing, the rift between Mourinho and Valdano appears to be a serious one with Tuesday’s Marca claiming that there is a “total divorce” and that the two football figures “couldn’t even look at each other” during the club’s Christmas lunch on Monday.

The situation has worsened, claims Marca on Wednesday, which is like a child in a messy divorce torn between its big man-love for Mourinho and its masters at the Santiago Bernabeu.

The open support from Florentino Pérez that “Jorge Valdano best represents the image of the club” cannot have “made Mourinho any happier” notes Wednesday’s panic-stricken editorial entitled “unity, unity, unity; football, football, football; calm, calm, calm.”

Curiously, Marca’s rivals, AS, appear to be enjoying the whole affair enormously and are even speculating that Inter may try and bring Madrid’s misbehaving manager back to Milan with Rafa Benítez now jettisoned.

All week, the paper’s editor, Alfredo Relaño has been hand-wringing over the affair claiming that Mourinho’s paper waving antics after the Sevilla win meant “goodbye to the image granted by a hard-fought victory won with blood, sweat and tears. Instead its arguments, disunity and an ugly message.”

On Tuesday, Relaño wrote an editorial stern enough to see him poked repeatedly with sick sticks by Madridista security guards with his confession that, “I admire Barça, their labour of love for an idea, cultivated with care for years. Madrid used to be like that.”

Speaking of Barça and their press is positively wetting its pants over the whole messy business at the Bernabeu with Sport’s Josep María Casanovas chuckling that “Mourinho is a bad loser, so he turns against his own club.”

The Catalan columnist’s colleague, Joan Batlle, says that there is a single root cause of the club’s turf war. “The problem is called Barça,” claims Batlle, “wanting to play like Barça, wanting to buy the style of Barça without realising that it’s impossible.”

Miguel Rico over at Mundo Deportivo agrees completely writing that “the internal crisis of the old Galactico empire is exaggerated by Barça, not referees.”

A big win over Levante on Wednesday night and a Christmas break where all the pugilistic parties can return to their corners should see some sort of calm returning to the club by the new year and the first league game against Getafe on 3rd January. But that peace and goodwill to all men will only last until Mourinho opens his mouth again. If he is ever allowed to, that is.

Clearly, not all is well within the Madridista world, with the coach unhappy at the way he is being treated by his bosses and bringing the club’s players onto his side of the turf war. “The club is the president’s, the team is Mourinho’s,” announced Iker Casillas on Tuesday.

This brewing civil war certainly isn’t good news for Real Madrid and their dream stated by Marca for the Treble in 2011. However the ongoing rift and rumble is going to be a treat to be enjoyed by everyone else in the new year to come.

Copa del Rey nearly cancels Christmas

Tim Stannard — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 11:44:00 GMT

And there was La Liga Loca thinking, as it skipped out of the Santiago Bernabeu on Sunday with the clock about to strike midnight, that things were more or less done and dusted until after Christmas.

Clubs would be shutting down for ten days, players flying off to Brazil only to return some time in February a good 10 kilos heavier, but most importantly of all there would be no ‘he-said, she-said, Barça this, Real Madrid that’ nonsense in the press for a wee while giving LLL the chance to load up on hot Colo Cao and go nuts.

But no. That’s because the frackin’ Spanish FA have scheduled a round of frackin’ Copa del Rey matches this week - presumably leaving all managers and players involved rather miffed.

In fact, the Copa dominates the schedules for the next month in Spain, with the last 16 second leg being played just after New Year followed by round after round in quick succession until the second semi-final on the February 2. The tournament then curiously vanishes from the schedule until the end of April.

Six lucky teams get to play their first leg ties on Tuesday night, leaving them free to flee a day earlier than ten not so lucky teams. Athletic Bilbao head to the Camp Nou in a match that could have been awarded the description of mildly interesting had Fernando Llorente not crocked a muscle or two and pulled out of the squad. This leaves ‘Jokin’ Caparrós with the option of playing Gaizka Toquero up front on his own. And that’s not a good one.

“Barcelona are better than the side from the season when they won everything,” freaked the Athletic boss. “The objective is to have a good game and give ourselves options in San Mamés.

But even the Basque club’s potential ‘park the bus and take the tie back to Bilbao in a fortnight’ plan looks a dodgy one with goalkeeper, Gorka Iraizoz, continuing his ‘mare of a campaign with another blunder to give Levante an equalising goal on Saturday.

Footballing matters could be both frisky and frosty on the east coast with Villarreal looking to end the year on an Adrian Mutu-style high by taking on Valencia in Mestalla at the fan friendly time of 22:00 which should see the normally grumpy home support in an even worse mood than normal.

The derby is already a spicy one but has an extra dash of bile after a recent 1-1 draw in El Madrigal that saw tough-talking, no nonsense, New Jersey detective and Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido refusing to shake the hand of Unai Emery post-match and his Valencia counterpart having a bit of a hand flap in return.

The third tie of the evening features the first of just two second division sides having a pop at a Primera big boy. Córdoba are inflicting pain and suffering on their supporters by hosting Deportivo, whose miserable manager, Miguel Angel Lotina is - as to be expected - looking forward to a long, grey, torturous encounter in the Andalusian city.

Despite Deportivo having one of the easier paths to the final with Córdoba and then either Mallorca or Almería to reach the semis, the depressed Depor boss certainly isn’t getting carried away. Or letting anyone else either.

“I still think the same about the cup,” intoned Lotina, “it stills looks really tough although the draw has created expectations. There are two teams from la Segunda, but there are those from la Primera: Barcelona, Real Madrid, Sevilla, Villarreal, Atlético, Athletic, Espanyol...” continued the Deportivo boss positively shuddering at the thought of a good result on Tuesday night to take to back to Galicia.

Good Day, Bad Day: Moaning Mourinho and Gobsmacking Getafe

Tim Stannard — Mon, 20 Dec 2010 14:39:00 GMT

Good Day

Pedro

The Canary-Islander once again showed the kind of form that pushed him into Vicente Del Bosque’s World Cup squad with a brace against Espanyol - LLL has never seen his little legs move as fast as they did to beat the Perico defence for his first.

Like last week’s update following the Real Sociedad game, there isn’t too much to be added after another five goal haul for Barça, except to say that Pep’s Dream Boys were truly brilliant. Again.

José Mourinho

LLL is contemplating bidding for a popcorn concession in the Santiago Bernabeu press room during José Mourinho’s post match ramblings. They really are top, titillating fair.

After the narrow win over Sevilla, on Sunday, the eternally moaning Madrid manager strolled into the arena clutching a club-crested piece of paper handed to him by an unknown party listing 13 apparent refereeing mistakes.

But Mourinho, in the biggest of the twists, refused to read from Madrid’s hymn sheet complaining that he was tired of being the only one at the club who was defending its interests - a not-so-sly dig at Jorge Valdano - and that he wanted a private meeting with Florentino Pérez, almost certainly to demand a new striker considering in the three league games Karim Benzema has played in Gonzalo Higuaín’s absence, the Frenchman has done naff-all.

Although José Mourinho claimed the match was “too ugly to be a game of football” and would have turned over to Eurosport to catch a Vietnamese league game had he been watching at home, LLL rather enjoyed it. After all, it had something lacking from Barcelona and Real Madrid games pretty much all season - tension and an uncertain result.

Nilmar and Rossi

Villarreal’s super striking pair made mincemeat of Mallorca and jammed two metaphorical fingers up at the visitors’ pathetic, sulking directors who chose to sit in the stands with the El Madrigal masses in protest against Villarreal ‘taking’ their Europa League spot - the kind of action even a five-year-old would dismiss as childish before wandering off to smear poo-poo over their kid brother’s meatloaf.

Nilmar and Rossi have now banged in 19 league goals between them to make them the hottest couple in the box since Shakira and Gerard Piqué bumped uglies. Allegedly.

Simao

A possible goodbye gift from the Portuguese winger with Simao delivering three free-kicks that produced three goals, that said more about Málaga’s inability to defend than anything else really.

Back-to-back victories in la Liga for Atlético without a goal conceded sees the Rojiblancos in sixth and just two points from the Champions League, where they should be playing in future rather than piddling around in the Europa League dead-zone.

Diego Castro

It’s woot! woot! city after the Sporting striker scored in the final seconds against Deportivo to possibly save his manager’s job in a 1-1 draw. Castro showed how loved Manuel Preciado is by the Sporting squad by running over to the bench to give his coach a big hug - with the instruction to f-off back onto the pitch again if LLL knows the potty-mouthed ways of the grouchy old goat.

Getafe

Getafe has LLL wondering why anybody reads the blog, considering a month ago it was all with the doom and gloom that the team were in danger of going down in May with manager Míchel being sacked.

Sunday’s 3-2 away win at Almería was Getafe’s fourth win in a row, putting them in seventh with 26 points and probably needing just another four victories to see them safe. (Blog pats itself on the back for its fine punditry work).

LLL is just hoping that some fans at the Coliseum will turn up to watch them at some point now.

Athletic Bilbao

An away victory against Levante by Athletic Bilbao ruins the Basque club’s pretty-pretty, symmetrical run of LWLWLWLWLW with another ‘W’ added to the streak - the only time this season that Athletic have strung together two wins in a row in la Liga.

Ariz Aduriz

Showing a bit of sexy leg and pace that would certainly get Sergio Ramos’ juices flowing if clad in a skirt and without man-tackle, the Valencia striker picked up a poor clearance from Real Sociedad keeper, Claudio Bravo, to send the ball back to the goal - and then some - in injury time in Saturday night’s clash to give the men from Mestalla three handy points.

Bad Day

Espanyol

It’s with a hint of sour grapes and the refusal to accept the fact that José Callejón is a big old cheat, here’s a ‘bah humbug’ Paul from Barcelona to tell us how the hide-tanning felt in the stands in Cornellá El-Prat.

“Oops. Well, that's embarrassing, the best team won, no argument there. The way Barça don't give the opposition time on the ball was a joy to watch. Obviously being allowed to foul with impunity helps.

Fantastic reception for Iniesta when his name was read out. Well deserved of course. A Barça foul led to the first goal. Callejón fouled and injured on the floor led the classy, morally superior Barça to play on and some not very tall bloke scored.

Callejón then should have equalised but it was Callejón so you know what happened. Another quick attack from Barça and an offside Xavi got a lucky rebound and volleyed home. Pedro tapped in after Kameni didn't handle a shot from some not very tall bloke.

Osvaldo broke free, a fab finish to make it 1-3 but then he missed a sitter which would have changed the game but hey. The educationally challenged David Villa (he was at Primary school, this week) then scored two breakaway goals to make it a nightmare scoreline.

Barça will stroll the league now. It wasn't the passing that was impressive more the speed of it,Espanyol played too high up and got punished ruthlessly by Barça's pace. About six Barça, yes, you read that right, made the 25 minute metro trip despite tickets being on sale from banks on every corner of every street in the city.

A ref who had been slagged off all week by the press here choked and his linesman were beyond what is acceptable. Incredible that Spain produces footballers of the highest quality but officials who wouldn't be allowed on Hackney Marshes.

While I go away and hibernate I want to wish everyone and especially LLL and the FourFourTwo staff a merry Xmas and a happy new year.”

Paul, Barcelona

Diego Capel

The Sevilla winger showed on Sunday night that he is still a hopeless, diving - and LLL doesn’t use this word lightly - cheat. And useless to boot (see below). Summed up the attitude opined by Sevilla’s AS correspondent, Juan Jiménez, who complained that, “Sevilla have lost the ambition to beat the big teams.”

Five defeats in a row in la Liga would suggest the Andalusian outfit have lost the ambition to beat the small ones, too.

Clós Gomez

Foul, whistle, card. Foul, whistle, card. Foul, whistle, card. That was the evening for the man in the middle at the Real Madrid v Sevilla match - a match that produced two red cards and ten yellows for no good reason.

“I think the referees come here to be a hero and show what they’ve got,” noted Alvaro Arbeloa who was right on the money in this respect.

Málaga

“Mercenaries!” “Gah!” “Meh!” went the cries from the home crowd in the 3-0 defeat against Atlético, cries that had the visitors suddenly thinking that they were playing at the Vicente Calderón.

Almería

A note made by LLL whilst watching Almería's collapse against Getafe despite holding a 2-0 lead was 'crappy defending'. That assessment still stands a day later.

The Ronaldo-ignoring, Depor-despising weekend La Liga predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 11:43:00 GMT

Saturday

Villarreal (3rd) v Mallorca (10th)

Of course, handed the chance to take part in the Europa League without actually qualifying for it, Mallorca’s bosses would have turned down the opportunity as a matter of honour. That’s the bluff the directors of the Balearic club are trying to pull by refusing to partake in the directors’ dinner - quite a big sacrifice actually - and sit in the presidential ‘palco’ at Villarreal for Saturday’s clash. Instead, the stuffed suits will be plonking themselves in the stands with the scummy supporters.

Mallorca are upset that Villarreal took their spot in the Europa League after the club’s unfortunate tumble into administration over the summer - breaking UEFA’s rules of participation in the process - an act that they themselves would never have done in the same situation. Oh no.

What’s more, club president for the month, Jaume Cladera, claims that Villarreal had their hand in Mallorca’s expulsion. “It was not a unilateral decision from UEFA,” he grumbled.

As it happens, Villarreal have taken full advantage of their apparent skullduggery by coming top of their group after a midweek win against Bruges. In Bruges.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (16th) v Athletic Bilbao (8th)

While most club presidents in Spain are jowly, blustering buffoons in their late 50s and just one tortilla from a total coronary collapse - LLL is looking at you, Augusto Lendoiro of Deportivo - Levante’s big boy is a wee whipper-snapper at just 34.

Quico Catalán was appointed president having worked his way through the ranks of the club to pretty much be the last one standing - and probably not with his trouser pockets stuffed with pens and staplers - when Levante went into economic meltdown when relegated in 2008.

Despite some €80m of debt on its books Levante is just surviving and doing reasonably well in la Primera. Well, it’s not in the relegation zone at the moment but perhaps will be soon when Málaga get their mojo working again.

And it is this suspicion that relegation will come a’callin’ in May for Levante that sees Catalán explaining the reason why he agreed to Real Madrid and Barcelona’s proposal for the new TV deal starting from 2014, with his prediction that Levante could be a touch yo-yo over the next few seasons.

“If we go down then we get €9 million in support for two years. The gesture from Madrid and Barcelona is not great, but it’s important,” explained Levante’s leader on a figure that currently covers the club’s budget for playing and technical staff.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Deportivo (13th) v Sporting (19th)

A defeat for Sporting in La Coruña could mean goodbye to Manolo Preciado at the helm of the Asturian side. So that’s one more reason to want Deportivo to lose on Sunday.

In case it is hard to tell, LLL is still a touch bitter about the abject 4-6-0 performance that Miguel Angel Lotina and his players served up at a blooming freezing Vicente Calderón against Atlético, last Saturday.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (4th) v Barcelona (1st)

There is still a lot of sheikh, rattling and rolling going on at the Camp Nou with the Qatar sponsorship deal still setting some tongues wagging, apart from at the offices of Mundo Deportivo, Sport, where the club have most certainly told their staff that the megabuck shirt whor...sorry...sponsorship deal is all fine and dandy.

Johan Cruyff still doesn’t agree though and claims that “Barcelona is no longer more than a club,” a position the Dutchman probably adopted when being forced to hand over his president of honour badge by Sandro Rosell in his first days in charge of Pep’s Dream Boys.

Marca have not missed out on the chance to have a Primera pop by juxtapositioning Guardiola’s “there’s freedom in Qatar” claims with ten reasons why there isn’t.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Sociedad (9th) v Valencia (5th)

That pesky Champions League qualification and fine performance against Manchester United at Old Trafford saw Valencia fans with their white handkerchiefs stuck in their pockets and unable to boo their players for a couple of weeks - two of Mestalla regulars' favourite pastimes denied of them.

However, salvation was at hand on Monday when Valencia threw away a 3-1 lead at home to Osasuna to draw 3-3, a performance that saw supporters jeering the footballers off the pitch some some glee and gusto.

After the game, Unai Emery quite rightly tore into his team claiming that they were “afraid and lacked character”. As there are three things that footballers really don’t like - marital fidelity, driving laws and being called a scaredy cat - the Valencia squad have apparently gone into a big sulk.

To keep the players complaints under wraps, the Valencia press department has cancelled all media interviews with the squad until further notice as the club tries to work its way through yet another self-made mess.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Almería (17th) v Getafe (7th)

But for the liklihood that they would be sent off - not to mention possibly go to prison for manslaughter - Almería defenders could go around smacking opposing players with shovels in their own penalty area, as the chances are that goalkeeper Diego Alves will save the subsequent spot-kick.

The Brazilian golden goalie has faced 16 penalties in his spell in la Primera and saved nine of them, including shots from Ronaldo, Kanouté and Llorente. So the question AS put to Alves was what would happen if he were to take a penalty against himself.

“It would go over the bar. I’d never score,” admitted Almería’s spot-kick saviour.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (15th) v Zaragoza (20th)

With Simao close to the end of his Atleti contract and seemingly set for a move to Besiktas to hook up with Guti - and probably have to drive him around town too after the midfielders unfortunate bus ramming incident - Atlético have reportedly set their sights on Osasuna winger, Juanfran.

However, the Pamplona club’s president, Pachi Izco, has refused to discuss the potential winter window move. “We’ll only talk when there’s news. At the moment, I can only hear heavenly music.”

'Well done', thought LLL in admiration at the Osasuna overlord putting his foot down on journalistic nonsense. Until Izco carried on. “ We won’t shut the door on a possible negotiation, but I won’t talk about rumours.” And on. “€10m is a serious figure.” And on.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (18th) v Atlético Madrid (6th)

Oh dear. Not a good week for Atlético. Simao walking away, even though club president, Enrique Cerezo, sniffed sulkily that they didn’t want him any way.

No Fanni action for the Rojiblanco boys with the longstanding transfer target, big Rod, joining Marseilles from Rennes.

What’s more Atleti are out of the Europa League after a draw against Bayer Leverkusen on Thursday in a brilliant campaign which saw just two wins. But then again, that’s roughly the same the Calderón club managed last season and they won the thing.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Sevilla (11th)

Tittle-tattle, gossip, and a bunch of made-up stuff are the major ingredients of La Liga Loca’s DNA, which was why it was delighted to hear some rumbustious rumblings coming out of the Real Madrid camp which it can share today.

The word on the street - and pretty much everywhere in the Spanish media except Marca - is that Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas do not exactly see eye-to-eye after the Madrid’s captain’s girlfriend, Sara Carbonero, noted in an interview in September that his Portuguese team-mate was a bit of an ‘egotist’ out on the pitch. But in a nicest possible way of course.

Ronaldo apparently sent a text to Casillas complaining about what his bird had said. The reply, quite rightly, pointed out that she was a free-thinking journalist who can say whatever the blazes she wants. And is probably right, too.

And so the spat supposedly continues to this day with most of the Madrid players failing to celebrate goals with Ronaldo - perhaps because they can’t keep up with him on his solo missions to the corner flag - and largely failing to have his back when being booted by opposition.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Racing Santander (14th) v Hércules (12th)

So. Added to the lack of training facilities, the constant daily attempt to find some - perhaps clearing some kids of the local recreation ground in the process - the occasional lack of hot water at the stadium dressing rooms, taking 14 hour coach trips for no apparent reason, another reason has been added to make the likes of Trezeguet and co really, really, really want to leave Hércules: not being paid.

In a story that ties in with LLL’s regular “Royston Drenthe-watch”, it seems that the on loan Real Madrid man is one amongst many of the squad who have received August’s salary and diddly doo since. Indeed, even Hércules coach, Esteban Vigo admitted that his wages were in arrears.

Club president, Vicente Botella, has claimed that solutions are being sought for the debts owed to the players, the taxman and the social security people and asked the footballers to “keep on working as they have been up until now.”

It sounds like they may not have much choice really.

LLL Prediction - Draw.

How one little logo rocked Barcelona and left Johan Cruyff fuming

Tim Stannard — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 15:18:00 GMT

For a man whose love of a logo is so strong he’s more turned on by the drivers’ brand-plastered overalls than the pit girls at Formula One races, Monday couldn’t have been better for Sandro Rosell.

It was easy to tell just by looking at Rosell’s perky, beaming face just how tickled pink the Barça president was to have another logo to stick up on the walls of the Camp Nou club, as well as the institution pocketing some easy cash in the process.

Ever since Rosell took over the club last summer after defeating Joan ‘Joan’ Laporta in the presidential elections, the former Nike executive had been lustily stealing glances at the front of the Barça shirt in the same way that Maniche greedily eyes pie.

The previous six months had been hard on Rosell with the Barça big wig having to give up his former career of merrily ruining sport through branding it to death by selling his marketing company, BSM - a company that did a fair amount of business in Qatar, funnily enough.

But the Barcelona president had kicked off a cunning plan when he took control of the Camp Nou club which finally bore fruit over the weekend with the announcement of a €165 million, five year sponsorship deal with the Qatar Foundation.

It’s a deal which will see the Qatar Foundation’s brand plastered all over the club’s stadium, Leo Messi’s forehead and eventually Barcelona’s shirts which could be an issue for UNICEF considering both la Liga and UEFA have bans on double advertising - a loop-hole those greedy gizzards in Nyon will surely close at some point soon, as long as they get their cut first.

Rosell’s strategy was to arrive at the Camp Nou, claim that the coffers were empty and very publicly announce that a hefty €150m loan had been secured to pay the gas bill and the players’ wages along with the outstanding invoices for Carles Puyol’s ‘Soul Glo’.

Next up, it was the drip, drip, drip of invoices arriving at the offices of Marca concerning the alleged wastefulness of Laporta’s directors along with the encouragement of Barça’s members to vote for legal proceedings to start against the old regime in attempt to get some of the money back. Aside from wanting to annoy the heck out of his rival, Laporta, Rosell was softening up the socios so that the announcement of the deal with the Qatar government would be seen as a very necessary evil by the culé collective.

“The economic situation at the club is worse than we imagined,” gloomed Rosell at the formal presentation of the deal on Monday. “We have to do this to pay the salaries.”

The Barça president was also quick to counter the criticism of Johan Cruyff, who complained in his column in El Periódico that the image of the club’s shirt had been sullied with something as crude as a logo - apart from the Nike one, of course. “Cruyff is a legend and legends are always right,” grinned Rosell in response.

Whilst Barcelona are more than justified in signing what is the biggest sponsorship deal in football having gone without for so long - a deal that will cover 7% of the institution's annual budget - the club have fallen victim to their previous holier-than-thou attitude which saw Barça themselves paying UNICEF €1.5m a year to promote the international governmental organisation.

Tuesday saw a stinging rebuke from the editor of AS, Alfredo Relaño, a writer who in his defence has been a strong supporter of Barça over the years with an opinion piece noting that “the jump from UNICEF to Qatar, this immensely rich emirate where democracy is only a far-off Western concept and where apostasy is punishable by death is too far.”

Over at Sport, a paper always very close to the Catalan club, Joan Vehils writes that there is nothing bad to be said over the deal between Pep’s Dream Boys and their new insect overlords. “If the UN who have a reputation as a humanitarian organisation are agreeing to share space with Qatar...where is the problem?”

His work buddy, José Luis Carazo, is a little more forceful in defending the branding and complains that the likes of Florentino Pérez in the ‘media cave’ are wrong to comment on the deal - not that he has, to be fair - by ranting that “they all lie, manipulate and try to start new polemics every day.”

Carazo is then all with the loadsamoney by boasting that “neither the English clubs, nor the Italians, nor the ‘made in Florentino’ Madrid receive so much. They are all below Barça.”

However, it is another comment from the Sport writer that is most telling, an assertion that “those people who think that Barça’s new sponsor promotes anti-semitic ideas are wrong.”

If this is an argument required to justify a deal that will not sit well with many Barcelona fans, despite the supposed financial issues of the club, Rosell may soon wonder if the money received was worth it, when other less controversial groups could have been found for the same price.

And after all, isn’t doing marketing deals one of the biggest loves of the Barça president’s life?

Good Day, Bad Day: Delicious Barca and vicious-looking Garrido

Tim Stannard — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 14:50:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

The fact that Real Sociedad are no suffering saps - or Real Madrid perhaps - makes the 5-0 win for ‘Qatar Foundation presents Pep’s Dream Boys!’ over La Real so darned impressive. It’s hard to know whether the match highlight was Leo Messi weaving past five defenders on the edge of the box to equal Ronaldo’s league tally of 17 goals, or the outstanding Argentine finishing off a 28 pass move straight from the second half kick-off.

The victory sees Villarreal’s Nilmar as the last footballer to score against Barcelona in la Liga back on the 13th November. It also sees the Catalan press as high as a Spanish middle-distance runner and babbling about football being reinvented and the deliciousness of Barça’s sporting stylings.

Alvaro Arbeloa

So upset is José Mourinho with Sergio Ramos these days, that the Madrid manager took time to point out in Friday’s press conference that the flamenco-fancying fullback would still have been replaced by the considerably more consistent Alvaro Arbeloa even if Ramos had not been injured for the Zaragoza clash.

As for the performance of the rest of Mou's men in the 3-1 victory, there’s not too much to be said of a perfectly perfunctory display against la Primera’s bottom dwellers, although that hasn’t stopped Monday’s press flogging Mourinho’s pre-match ‘hunting with dogs and cats’ spiel to death. And then some.

Tomás Roncero, writing in AS, realised that nothing of note happened in Sunday’s game and has instead gone through the entire Madrid eleven and decided which kind of dog or cat they would be. Which is as good a way to fill 400 words as any.

“Benzema is a harmless kitty, Di María is a pit-bull, Özil is a German shepherd, Xabi Alonso a Siberian husky...” lists Roncero.

LLL would argue that what the paper’s crackpot columnist failed to note is that Cristiano Ronaldo is an enormous pus... (Don’t go there - ed)

Kun Agüero

Curses! LLL dashed across the city - as much as sitting on a train can be considered dashing - from Getafe’s Coliseum to the Vicente Calderón in the hope of experiencing the 37th Atleti managerial sacking of the blog's spell in the Spanish capital with a defeat to Deportivo.

Sadly, the brilliant brace from little Kun - with the first goal being more than a bit special - keeps Quique in his job at least until a new year knock-out by Espanyol in the Copa del Rey.

Juan Albín

Just as the blog was merrily chuckling away at its own ‘Has-bín, not Albín’ gag, the Uruguayan forward goes and scores his side’s winner against Villarreal on a very famous evening indeed for Getafe. Unfortunately, his shirt being whipped off in celebration combined with an earlier yellow card saw Albín sent off seconds later.

Watching Getafe these days really is a whole bunch of fun, as supporters - and probably the manager - literally have no idea of what is going to happen. Míchel’s men can just as easily lose 3-0 to Málaga, draw 1-1 against Zaragoza or beat one of the best teams in Europe - as they did on Saturday - with just 10 men.

Oscar Serrano

Out injured for seven months, the Racing midfielder was thrown into the fray for his return to la Liga with just two minutes to go against Mallorca. A mere matter of moments later and Serrano had buried the ball into the roof of the Dudu Aouate’s net to give Racing their first away win of the season and Oscar the chance to show off his famous sharp-shooting with his nipples celebration, which certainly beats jamming a football up the jersey and running around a bit just because a particular player has managed to knock someone up.

Pablo Piatti

From a long line of tiny Argentinean fancy-pants players who are so softly spoken you can only hear them using an ear trumpet, Piatti was the man of the weekend after two fantastic goals for Almería in a more than surprising win for his side against Sevilla.

However, in the competition run by Marca for just such a contest, the readers of the paper are almost certainly going to vote for Cristiano Ronaldo - the player who is currently topping their Madrid-dominated league table.

Kiko Femenía

Having a bit of a girl’s name really didn’t stop the Hércules youngster from scoring a marvel of a goal in the Alicante side’s 4-1 thrashing of Málaga.

Athletic Bilbao

Those of a betting lilt may want to take notice of the following statistic - LWLWLWLWLW. Those are the results of the last ten league matches for Athletic Bilbao, alternating between away and home. The most recent ‘W’ in San Mamés was a 2-1 win over Espanyol on Sunday, so a big ‘L’ is be expected away at Levante, next weekend.

Bad Day

Juan Carlos Garrido

So scared is LLL of Villarreal’s vicious-looking manager, that the blog didn’t dare point out the nonsense nature of Garrido’s complaints that the referee favoured Getafe in the 1-0 defeat by noting that it was the same official who brought Villarreal’s opponents down to ten men. Correctly, as it turns out with Cata Díaz getting his marching orders.

It was a strange old game for Villarreal. In the first half they were very good indeed, especially Santi Cazorla who even got a ‘wow’ moment from the home crowd with one particular pass. But with Getafe reduced in numbers, Villarreal completely lost the fluency in their football and ended up with just their third defeat all season.

Sevilla

Blimey. A defeat to Almería sees four losses in a row in la Liga and heaven knows what will happen if Sevilla lose out to Borussia Dortmund during the week in the Europa League - a defeat that would see the Andalusian side knocked out of two European competitions in one season.

Manuel Pellegrini

Marca was strangely silent when looking to comment on Málaga’s 4-1 victory over Hércules, last weekend, a performance that saw four cracking goals for good measure.

Amazingly, the paper has found time for Málaga manager, Manuel Pellegrini, in their top and bottom ten of the weekend column this Monday by sticking to the paper’s year long grudge against the former Real Madrid manager by placing him somewhere near the bottom of their chart - below Marta Dominguez if they could - after Málaga’s 4-1 defeat to Hércules.

Deportivo

Cold. Deportivo. Hate. Cold. Deportivo. Hate. Cold. Deportivo. Hate. Cold. Deportivo. Hate.

That’s LLL’s only memory from a frackin’ freezing Saturday evening at Vicente Calderón.

Sporting

The Asturian side have now dropped down to second-from-bottom - a very worrying state of affairs - after a must-win-but-didn’t home draw against Levante.

The curfew busting, foreskin tearing La Liga Preview

Tim Stannard — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 09:30:00 GMT

Saturday

Getafe (9th) v Villarreal (3rd)

It’s pats on the back all round for Marca this week, firstly for recognising that a football club named Villarreal exists and that they are doing spankingly well this season, just five points off Real Madrid.

The second and most important cause for this high praise is the fact the paper (which regular readers won't need reminding has a vendetta and then some against one-time Villarreal supremo, Manuel Pellegrini) is so insanely hate-filled that when some poor Marca-minion had to scribe an article concerning Villarreal’s record results in the current league campaign, they still managed to turn it into a slag-fest against the former Real Madrid man.

“Garrido’s Villarreal pulverises Pellegrini!” yells the report. Good work.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla (10th) v Almería (19th)

Sick-of-it-all Sevilla fans may have been wondering why their team looks so, well, flippin’ awful of late, with three defeats in a row in la Primera. The Andalusian slackers' general hopelessness was partly explained this week, with Marca (yes, them again) leaking the news that central midfielders, Didier Zokora and Ndri Romaric, have been rather too focussed on squeezing themselves into the old disco trousers to play much football of late.

It appears the pair broke curfew by sneaking out of their hotel room at around midnight, just hours before their side's 5-0 thwacking at the hands of Barça in the Camp Nou. Suspicious coach, Gregorio Manzano, only found out after asking for the hotel security tapes which had caught the sneaky escape artists in the act.

The two naughty boys have been hit with a €30,000 fine - a hefty amount which reflects the nightclub-loving ninnies previous as far as going AWOL is concerned. It was the same story in April when the pair went out to celebrate Seville’s annual ‘Feria’ and went straight to training the next morning without having their beddy-byes.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Deportivo (12th)

Great heights, freezing temperatures, chemical abuse and extreme mental torture. Four fear factor features that LLL is set to experience on Saturday night when it heads to the south of Madrid to combine the Vicente Calderón stands, the likelihood of the stadium being somewhat chilly in December, the Atleti supporters’ drug-taking tendencies and the coma-inducing stylings of Deportivo.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Athletic Bilbao (11th) v Espanyol (4th)

Five of Espanyol’s ‘B’ team had some footballing fun this week when they all ended up in hospital after a third division clash with lower league Catalan club, Balaguer. The Perico pretenders lost out 3-0 in Wednesday’s clash but most of the damage was done to the players themselves.

Manu Molina will require surgery on a dented nasal passage after a smack on the hooter, while Joselu had to spend 48 hours in hospital under observation after being whacked on the noggin. However the pair will be pleased they aren't goalkeeper Dinu, who has been left with...gulp...a torn foreskin. “It was a war. When I saw the blood in the dressing room I got quite a shock,” recalled the goolie-knacked goalie.

Eric got a nasty knock on the hip whilst Sielva got off lightly with a stomach blow. And no, LLL can’t find any highlights of the game on Youtube, but the world’s eternal gratitude will go to anyone who can.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (18th) v Levante (15th)

Ever wondered what Levante coach, Luis García, would do if he were given a time machine? Really? So has LLL! In an interview with Marca, García has revealed that he would travel 500 years into the future (when his club will still probably be skint and with veteran defender Sergio Ballesteros still pulling on his boots, no doubt).

Unfortunately, the Levante man doesn’t think it will be all jet-packs and teleports in half a century’s time. “I’m sure that envy will still exist,” muses García. Too true, agrees the blog. Too true...

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (14th) v Málaga (17th)

A lack of training facilities, on-and-off hot water at the stadium and having to travel 14 hours by coach to play and be defeated by Deportivo on Monday appears to have driven striker Nelson Valdez to the brink of quitting the Alicante club - a mindset strike-partner David Trezeguet adopted a week or so ago.

But it was the potentially unnecessary cross country trek that really got on the striker's dangly bits. “Having to travel 14 hours whilst some journalists arrived very comfortably in a plane. It did my head in,” fumed Vasquez. “It’s the first time since I’ve played football that I haven’t seen one director travel with the players,” roared the Paraguayan poacher with a revelation that would surprise no-one.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Mallorca (7th) v Racing Santander (16th)

Sinking like a stone towards the relegation zone, Racing Santander coach Miguel Angel Portugal - and Minister of Magic lookalike from the Harry Potter 7.1 - is still sticking with his ‘motivate the players via the medium of the insult' tactic, despite a run of just one win in five in la Primera.

At the start of the season, Portugal was taking aim at the shooting and penalty taking abilities of his strikers - and not without good cause. But on Sunday, after a land-based trek across the country which ended with a 4-1 mauling by Málaga, the Racing ranter set his sights on his back four for a change.

“I should have changed the whole defence,” blasted Portugal. “Some of these players are overrated.”

Club president, Francisco Pernía, responded by getting the squad together for a shouting session, on Wednesday. “We have to beat Mallorca,” fumed Francisco. “This is our obligation, mine is not to sack anyone.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Zaragoza (20th) v Real Madrid (2nd)

LLL can smell something whiffier than Guti’s breath, and it is oozing from the offices of Marca. On Wednesday, the paper decided to abandon its daily diet of big love and journalistic high fives over the Mou-naldo monster by attacking Pepe on the paper’s front page for “refusing to renew his contract.”

Whenever Marca comes out with such a claim, the suspicion is that the club may have its hand in the story. The tiny-headed central defender's contract expires in 2012 when the Portuguese stopper will be 29. He is apparently demanding a net salary of €6 million, to make him the third highest paid player in the squad, although some €3 million behind Cristiano Ronaldo.

The rather sensationalist tone of the article suggests the paper is trying to brand the defender as a bit of a greedy guts. But considering the ‘lovely off the field, but a bit bonkers on it,’ nature of Pepe, LLL suggests that Marca remember what happened to Javier Casquero’s head a couple of seasons back, when it nearly ended up in row H of the Bernabeu and lay off the short-tempered centre-back.

LLL - Away win

Barcelona (1st) v Real Sociedad (6th)

On Wednesday, LLL had a bit of rant about the general air of smugness and superiority surrounding Barcelona at the moment, in regards to their cantera, beating Real Madrid, having the Ballon d’Or winners, etc...

So we thought we would drop by again to see if the journalistic agenda has moved on to something different. The quick answer is no. And no again.

“Barcelona’s high performance football school!” “The cantera and its objectives!” “Guardiola’s methods and Mourinho’s methods” are the the titles of three editorials from Thursday’s edition of Sport. Although LLL simply doesn’t have the will to read the final one, it would suggest that ‘Mourinho’s methods’ are fairly good considering the Real Madrid boss just won the treble.

The blog will drop in to see if those crazy Catalans have put another sporting shrimp on the barbie next week.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Valencia (5th) v Osasuna (13th)

So - LLL just wants to make this quite clear - Sergio Ramos clatters/maims Leo Messi with a tackle from behind, then shoves Carles Puyol over with a push in the face and receives a one match suspension from the Spanish FA.

Carlos Albelda makes a ‘you’ve got a cheek, you cad!’ sign - harming merely his own face in the process - after being incorrectly given a yellow card for a non-handball leading to a sending off against Real Madrid and receives a two game ban. The same that Tomás Ujfalusi got for nearly snapping Messi’s ankle.

Again, just to make sure that the blog’s got that summed up correctly before it goes off and bangs its head on its desk for a good twenty minutes, after not really understanding anything, really.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Smug cloud engulfs Barcelona, but Ronaldo is winning his war with Messi

Tim Stannard — Wed, 08 Dec 2010 12:50:00 GMT

There are times when La Liga Loca is quite glad it doesn’t live in Barcelona, despite its beach and all that Gaudi architecture stuff. This week is one of those occasions. And not just because of the hell of la Rambla or the rats on the city's metro system. Or the humidity in the summer. Or the pickpockets.

It’s because the blog has noticed in the local news from the Catalan capital that a huge cloud of choking smug is currently hanging over the city, forcing authorities to advise all non-Barça fans - and especially those don’t like football at all - to remain indoors for the sake of their own health.

Failure to follow these warnings apparently could result in severe damage to mental wellbeing, with transgressors being set upon and held for hours by hordes of grinning, gurning, gurgling culés desperate to brag about the brilliance of the Camp Nou club.

Levels of smugness were already nearing dangerous levels after the 5-0 win for Pep’s Dream Boys over Real Madrid, but they were just about within UN standards. Unfortunately, that barrier was breached on Monday when it was announced that the FIFA / Ballon d’Or shortlist had been whittled down to three Barça players who were all brought up in the club’s ‘cantera’ youth system.

Andrés Iniesta, Leo Messi and Xavi Hernández were all pictured together on the front covers of both culé crazy papers the morning after, with Mundo Deportivo blasting “Masia Mundial!” and Sport plumping for “Historical Barça!”

The situation worsened on Wednesday after a Barca side featuring no fewer than seven starters from the cantera defeated Rubin Kazan 2-0 at the Camp Nou, prompting Mundo Deportivo to brag about an “homage to La Masia” and shout “Viva la Masia!”

“The cantera doesn’t stop” claims the front cover of Sport with a very stroppy sounding Lluís Mascaró attacking the Madrid-based press - Marca in particular - for claiming that the Ballon d’Or nominations were a “victory for Spanish football.”

“Spanish football will not win any prize...because it doesn’t deserve to. Barça will win it. Xavi, Iniesta and Messi being the three candidates is a success for Barça, for its style, its philosophy and its model as a club,” squeals Mascaro, “It’s a victory for the cantera, for La Masia...” and so on and so on with overpowering clouds of smug pouring out of the Sport columnist’s keyboard.

All the Madridista papers have to keep them going in their slightly darker post Clásico hour is the notion that Cristiano Ronaldo has scored one more league goal than Leo Messi - two if you read Marca.

“Ronaldo is beating Messi in his own war,” boasted AS on Monday, referring to this all important battle which means so much to the Real Madrid man that the forward only remembers to celebrate his goals with the rest of the teammates a minute or two after he has finished doing laps of the pitch with his arms outstretched like a big eejit.

Indeed, this is one of the reasons given for Sport’s claim on Tuesday that most of the Madrid squad - especially the Spaniards - can’t stand the preening Portuguese player.

The front cover of Wednesday’s AS is all with the Ronaldo love, once again, by yelling that the player “never stops”. LLL presumes that boast is relation to football as ‘CR7’ is due to play against Auxerre on Wednesday night in Madrid’s Champions League clash despite being one booking away from a suspension, rather than an activity involving the words ‘staring’, ‘mirror’ and ‘all day’.

The match at the Bernabeu against their French opponents is a bit of a dead rubber with first place already secured for the Spaniards, but Auxerre can still qualify for the joys of the Europa League if they better Ajax’s result against AC Milan.

Despite there still being something to play for, it is set to be a bit of a fringe player line-up for Madrid with Jerzy Dudek expected to start just his 10th game in three-and-a-half seasons at Castle Greyskull.

Over in England, Spain’s third Champions League side, Valencia, put on a fine performance in Old Trafford with Pablo Hernández becoming the first player to score against Manchester United in the competition, this year. Unfortunately, an equaliser from Anderson saw the men from Mestalla finishing the group in second, but being very much an outfit to avoid in the draw for the knock-out stages on December 17th.

The one downer on an excellent evening for Unai Emery was the grumpy reaction from the goalscorer, Pablo, at being substituted. However, the Valencia coach didn’t seem to be too fussed by his frustrated footballer. “It’s normal that they get angry when they not playing,” shrugged Emery. Especially at a club where the footballers are notoriously moody even when they are seeing a bit of action.

Atletico's British punctuality stops them missing date with disaster

Tim Stannard — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 15:27:00 GMT

Clearly Atlético Madrid club president, Enrique Cerezo, had steam whizzing out of his ears when he cast doubts over the immediate future of his coach at the Vicente Calderón by claiming there were no doubts over the immediate future of his coach at the Vicente Calderón after his club’s hopeless away defeat at Levante, but Quique Sánchez Flores should be watching his back very carefully indeed over the next few weeks.

The normal routine with the self-protecting Atlético chief is to fire his manager at the first hint of danger or disquiet and to give warning of the sacking to come by announcing that his minion is as safe as houses. As it turns out they are - but the kind of collapsing constructions that former club overlord and general evil scumbag, Jesús Gil, was fond of building.

The kudos built up by Quique in winning both the Europa League and European Super Cup has almost run out, with Atleti sitting in eighth in la Primera, eight points from the Champions League places and almost out of Europe after a disastrous (yet comedic...) home defeat to Aris Salonika last Wednesday.

But despite the two shiny trophies sitting in Atlético’s trophy cabinet, Quique hasn’t yet fully proven himself as a manager in his 13 months in charge, with his side losing 20 league games in that spell, the same total the Rojiblancos have won. Six of those losses have come this season against Barcelona, Sevilla, Villarreal, Real Madrid, Espanyol and Levante.

Although some of those are against Atleti’s equals and betters in la Primera, what has got the goat of the Vicente Calderón bosses is recent dropped points against Almería and Espanyol and most notably Saturday’s thwacking by Levante.

The club's disciplinary record this season has also been getting the club and Quique in hot water, with two sendings off - the latter of which saw the Rojiblanco ruler being manhandled off the pitch by Espanyol goalkeeper Carlos Kameni after the enraged coach tried to continue a rumble with Perico captain, Luis García.

But some of Atleti's current problems are not really Quique’s fault says LLL’s normally very unreliable Rojiblanco insider. The players - who are not exactly fond of their boss - are grouped in feuding factions. With the generally work-shy and potentially outward-bound Simao as captain, and Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán still not entirely committed to the red-and-white cause, it's not hard to see why things haven't all been going Quique's way.

“Our relationship with the coach hasn’t changed, it’s still the same,” sniffed Forlan on Monday, in not exactly the most sentimental of comments about his coach. And that’s not surprising considering Quique’s reported outburst to his players at half-time against Levante of “are you so stuffed with titles that you can’t run?”

However, all this is tough old titties as Quique’s bosses don’t really care about such off the field stuff and nonsense with the rumour from the Vicente Calderón being that the new manager (who is set to be former player, Diego Simeone) taking over in the new year should Atleti fail in their Copa Del Rey clash against Espanyol.

That was certainly the hint from Cerezo himself on Saturday, with Mr President whining that “in January we could be out of Europe, the cup and tenth in the league.”

But on the other side of the Atleti coin all this kerfuffle could blow over - in the most mixed of metaphors - if Atleti prevail in their next two league games against Deportivo and Málaga and be as jammy as they were last season in the Europa League by squeezing through their group.

After all, this current crisis is a fairly predictable occurrence for the capital city club, as Marca columnist Alberto Polo notes. “Atlético haven’t missed their annual date with another catalogue of disasters. Here we are, once again, with British punctuality.”

Unfortunately for Quique, although the blustery storm Atlético currently find themselves in is by no means an unusual one, it doesn’t mean that the Rojiblanco boss will be able to ride it out.

Good Day, Bad Day: Barca's pleasant coach trip & Benzema's shadowy boots

Tim Stannard — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 14:09:00 GMT

Good Day

Barcelona

To be quite honest, the blog is utterly bored with all the nonsense in Spain surrounding Pep Guardiola supposedly controlling the bigwigs of la Liga and Spanish FA by asking for the Osasuna clash to be moved to Sunday as he didn’t much fancy traveling to Pamplona by bus, despite the city not being that far away really.

From the sound of it, the Barça boss - or rather his president - was told by the RFEF that the game would be played on Sunday only for the decision to be U-turned on Saturday afternoon, provoking a mad dash to Navarra.

As it happened, the Barcelona players got off the coach, got changed, kicked Osasuna’s backside, got back on and went home. Job very much done.

Cristiano Ronaldo

“Ronaldo and ten others” was the headline from Marca on Sunday and although it tears the blog’s soul into a billion pieces to admit this, but LLL must agree with the paper.

For once there was something resembling tension at the Bernabeu with Real Madrid definitely not having everything going their way as in previous clashes. But then the re-introduction of the side’s normal front four and the second half dismissal of David Albelda helped Madrid out a bit - along with two supremely taken goals for Ronaldo who is now on 16 league strikes for the season.

Getafe

LLL was back down at the Coliseum on Sunday for a comfy 3-0 win over Mallorca. A couple of weeks ago, the vulture-like blog was circling around and waiting for Míchel’s demise against Zaragoza.

But a draw in that clash, an away win at Sevilla and this latest battering of Getafe’s Balearic opponents saw the Coliseum boss in chirpy mood after the game - the mood matching the coach of a club in ninth and with a terrific 20 point tally.

The blog never doubted him nor his players for a second. Oh no.

Villarreal

Unfortunately, the business at Getafe meant that LLL could only catch 10 minutes of Villarreal’s clash with Sevilla, so can offer absolutely nothing to this section apart from the fact that they won 1-0. And Nilmar scored too, finishing the loveliest of moves.

Espanyol

A fifth 1-0 win at home this season - and a seventh victory from seven in El Prat land means that Espanyol are still in fourth. Here’s Paul from Barcelona to tell us how it happened.

“Well dear readers, I only just made it to the game as I was having lunch with a friend and thought they'd delay it for me until I'd had my After Eight and well, it was a bit drizzly. For some strange reason they didn't. Maybe if I'd mentioned it to them first?

They say that some teams are harder to beat when they are down to ten men. For Espanyol, Baena off for two silly yellows, it meant Sporting only put ten men behind the ball not the 11 they had up to that point. Sporting actually started the brighter and with better finishing they could have been two up. A less than enthralling first half finished goalless.

Then, after the sending off, Espanyol started to take control, then a great team goal. Great passing, a fantastic dinked pass from Osvaldo, Luis García rounded the keeper, 1-0 to the Espanyol. We all waited for the Sporting onslaught. Well, I'm still waiting as I write this.

Usual refereeing garbage. 400/500 Sporting fans who deserve better than that.

What's the point of playing two wide men if a)they never cross it, and b) there's no-one there anyway?

MOM - Javi Marquez just shading it from Victor Ruiz.”

Paul, Barcelona

Málaga

La Liga Loca was all with the hi-five - on its own, which admittedly looked a bit strange - at the Coliseum when the news of Málaga’s thrashing of Racing filtered through. But that was nothing compared to the excitement from the blog when it saw the quality of the goals from Manuel Pellegrini’s men. Outrageous stuff.

Real Sociedad

La Real’s return to the top flight can officially be hailed as ‘successful’ with a 2-0 win over Athletic in the first Basque derby in nearly four years.

Felipe Caicedo

The Levante striker who is on loan from Manchester City - although has been shunted around a number of clubs over the past few years - is in fine form at the moment with the Ecuadorian scoring the second in Levante’s win over Atleti - the forward’s third in three games.

Bad Day

Atlético Madrid

Being otherwise engaged on very important media commitments - sort of - LLL was unable to witness for itself Atlético’s latest unfortunate event - a 2-0 defeat to lowly Levante, a match that the Rojiblancos were down in after just two minutes.

However, the blog did note that a rather furious Quique Sánchez Flores had a fine yelling session at his players at half-time with AS reporting that the Atleti coach asked if his footballers “were so stuffed with titles that you can’t run?”

This outburst, Quique’s sending off last week along with three defeats in a week and eight goals conceded appears to leave the coach’s job in some jeopardy - an annual tradition at the Vicente Calderón club with a very peeved club president, Enrique Cerezo, grumbling that “you’ll have to ask Quique why he didn’t change anything until the 80th minute,” and almost putting pen to paper on a death warrant by promising that “I’m not thinking about changing the coach at the moment.”

Karim Benzema

Left on the bench for the Valencia match despite Gonzalo Higuaín’s absence. And on the topic of the Frenchman’s performance when the forward came on in the second half, here’s what an unhappy Tomás Roncero in AS had to say - “Karim is lazy, he was a shadow in football boots.”

Osasuna

Although in a moment of madness the blog did predict Osasuna to take two points of Barcelona in Saturday’s clash after the home side’s promise of a blood and thunder (and elbows) approach to the game, LLL forgot one important factor in its deliberations: Osasuna are to attacking threat what Guti is to road safety.

Pérez Lasa

The referee in the Real Madrid game had the incredibly annoying, but very common habit for Spanish officials to give fouls for tackles and yellow cards for fouls. Lasa set it stall early on with a nonsense yellow for Jordi Alba in eight minutes so it was somewhat inevitable that somewhat would walk in a fairly lightweight game. On this occasion it was David Albelda with Joaquín admitting that his team felt ‘robbed’ by the dunderheaded decision.

Sporting

A twelve hour coach journey to take on Espanyol and nothing to show for it except another defeat that leaves Sporting in the relegation zone.

Almería, Zaragoza

A 1-1 draw between the two sides still sees Almería without a home win, this season, and Zaragoza with a victory on their travels.

Mikel San José

A bit of a ‘mare from the Athletic Bilbao defender in the Basque derby against Real Sociedad with the former Liverpool man giving away a penalty with a handball followed up by a lovely own goal in the second half.

Hércules

At time of writing, the Alicante club have yet to play Monday's match against Deportivo. But the east coast side have already had to endure a 14 hour, 1031km coach journey to get to Galicia. And that's even before taking to the field against Depor. It can be a cruel, cruel world sometimes.

The ‘in need of protection’ Weekend Predictions - Round 14

Tim Stannard — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 11:15:00 GMT

Saturday

Levante (16th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)

The modern, hurly-burly world is not an easy place to live in at the moment. Unemployment, Sepp Blatter, Autotune-themed songs everywhere. So take a little lie back, tickle your tootsies and enjoy Atlético Madrid’s defending in the 2-3 defeat to Aris in the Europa League on Wednesday night. It’s truly heartwarming stuff.

The rather surprising loss leaves qualification from the group stages out of Atleti’s hands, with the current holders needing to do better than their Greek rivals in the final round of matches. Or maybe a draw with a heavy defeat for Aris. Or something like that.

Either way, Atlético club president, Enrique Cerezo, has thrown in the towel by huffing that “I don’t have any hope in the competition.” Then again, this was the same gentleman who said that his coach, Quique Sánchez Flores, only deserved a one match ban for trying start a fist-fight with most of the Espanyol side, last Saturday, because “it wasn’t the French Revolution.”

FEF also spotted the lack of bayonets, powdered wigs, pamphleteers and stinky cheese but still handed the Rojiblanco manager a two game touchline ban for last week’s wickedness.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (12th) v Barcelona (1st)

Quality is not exactly a word that is generally associated with the Osasuna side. Violence certainly is though. And that’s going to be the tactics against visiting Barcelona claims midfielder, Fernando Soriano. “Boot, knees, elbows. It has to be a hard, physical game,” predicted the former Almería man. “I believe and hope they won’t find it so easy here.”

LLL, for one, has been fooled by this tantalising trash talk.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Madrid (2nd) v Valencia (5th)

This week’s ‘rain on your wedding day’ moment comes from Marca, of course, who have been moaning again that Cristiano Ronaldo is tackled too much (as well as not being given enough penalties). Thursday’s edition wittered that the big match bottler was “hunted in the Camp Nou.” Mainly because he had gone missing, perhaps.

“We need the the likes of Cristiano, Messi, Agüero and Forlán to be fully fit and perfectly protected,” said the paper’s editorial in a perfectly fine sentiment.

Fast forward a day and Marca is reporting that Messi is a major doubt for Saturday’s clash with Osasuna with an ankle injury. The one that Sergio Ramos gave to him. “With extreme violence” noted Xavi.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Getafe (11th) v Mallorca (6th)

Wednesday night was a tough one for those 46 hardcore, all-weather Getafe fans who actually cared about the club’s Europa League campaign. In what looked like rather chilly temperatures in Denmark, Getafe were leading Odense 1-0 until an injury time equaliser for their opponents dumped the Spanish side out of the competition.

Angel Torres for one was more upset that the other tie being played in their group, Young Boys against Stuttgart, had kicked off half an hour later due to bad weather with the Getafe president almost suggesting something fishy was going on that would certainly have seen him thrown into UEFA’s brig. But, in the end, Torres pulled himself back from the brink. “We’re not going to complain,” he added a day after the game.

LLL - Home win

Almería (19th) v Zaragoza (20th)

Zaragoza defender, Jiri Jarosik, the man footballer is largely responsible for most of his side’s dropped points this season - well, the ones against Sevilla a few weeks back anyhow - has shown just as much awareness of the world of football off the pitch, as on it this week with his assessment of Sunday’s relegation 15 pointer against Almería.

“It’s a very important match in terms of points and the team’s morale. We’re going for the win.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (4th) v Sporting (17th)

One of the musings that came out of the Barça battering of Madrid was what Sporting coach, Manuel Preciado, would make of the whole affair. Keen followers of la Liga will remember a few episodes ago, the avuncular coach was on the end of a sneer or two from José Mourinho, who accused the mustachioed maestro of resting players and giving up in a league game in the Camp Nou against Barça - a game Sporting lost 1-0 in what was a fairly tight affair.

‘Tight’ certainly isn’t one the words that was used describe Monday’s mauling, so Preciado was asked for his opinion on the game. “5-0? It certainly didn’t make me sad,” admitted the Sporting supremo. Manolo also confessed that he preferred Barcelona to win the game but “not because I have anything against Real Madrid,” he deadpanned, “but I like Barça. I think they’re better and deserved to win.”

To rub extra salt into Madrid’s chafed bits Preciado also opined that the current Barcelona could be “the best team in history.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (18th) v Racing (15th)

Perhaps one of the best Tweets - as the kids today call them - going around in regards to the Madrid defeat was a pretend Marca headline on Tuesday that involved the current Málaga manager - “side formerly lead by Manuel Pellegrini loses to Barcelona.”

Incidentally, Sunday’s match for Málaga will be particularly worth watching if it pops up on a screen somewhere just to witness Duda’s attempt at a cool and hip fin hairdo with the forward not really having a great deal of ‘resources’ to play with.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (3rd) v Sevilla (8th)

Two home defeats in la Liga to Mallorca and Getafe and a 4-2 loss to PSG in the Europa League on Thursday means that the Sevilla camp certainly isn’t a happy one at the moment. And that’s not even LLL making stuff up, for once.

Defender, Drago, this week confirmed what most Sevilla fans have seen for themselves this season from the eighth-placed side. “The group doesn’t have the ambition or drive as before,” revealed the Serbian stopper. “The dressing room is not together.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (9th) v Athletic (10th)

One of the bad boys taking part in the first Basque derby in nearly four years is Athletic’s Carlos Gurpegui, the scorer of his side’s last second winner against Osasuna, last week.

However, the midfielder is more usually known for being a dirty, gobby so-and-so but that's only because he is victimised by the game's governing bodies, claims the midfielder himself when comparing the one match suspension handed to Sergio Ramos for his assault on Leo Messi on Monday.

“If it had been me, I’d have got three or five games,” complained Gurpegui.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Deportivo (14th) v Hércules (13th)

Despite David Trezeguet having only been at Hércules for a matter of months (but knocking in seven goals in his time there, to be fair), the Frenchman has set his sights on a move away from Alicante to somewhere with a touch more finesse. And a training ground, perhaps, a luxury that Hércules is still lacking.

The week began with his agent, Antonio Caliendo, admitting his client is wanted by Inter Milan. As soon as possible. And that means January. “We have certainly looked at the Inter option and for the moment, we aren’t ruling out anything.”

But rather than being all with the “I love it here at Hércules and intend to give it everything I’ve got,” Trezeguet confirmed what his agent had revealed and that he couldn’t wait to leave the east coast club. “My aim is to show what I can do to move next year to a club with more important ambitions,” snooted Trezeguet. Like the Higuaín-less Real Madrid perhaps?

LLL Prediction - Home win

Moody Madrid media still not ready to move on

Tim Stannard — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 15:13:00 GMT

Ideally, La Liga Loca should be passing on to pastures new two days after the Clásico, by bringing its loyal and beloved readers the latest gossip from Getafe or the rumblings at Racing. But the Spanish media is still fixated by the 5-0 humping of Real Madrid by Pep’s Dream Boys...which means LLL is too.

Some 48 hours after Monday’s game, Marca is still very much in denial, rocking backwards and forwards mumbling ‘no, no, no, no’ to itself, maniacally dribbling down the front of its Real Madrid romper suit.

The paper has yet to reach the ‘acceptance’, ‘looking for answers’ or even the ‘Manuel Pellegrini is to blame’ stage of its recovery, and continues to attack match referee Iturralde González for failing to give Ronaldo a penalty in the first half - and send Víctor Váldes off for good measure - and for allowing Barça’s third goal which it claims was offside.

And to prove its point, the paper has printed a picture of David Villa on the wrong side of Pepe during the build up to the goal. The tiny flaw in their argument though is that Marca’s photo was taken when the ball had already left Leo Messi’s boot.

Wednesday’s Marca also moans that Monday’s man in the middle is clearly a culé sympathiser, having never awarded a penalty against the Catalan club in the Camp Nou, and notes with suspicion that the Dream Boys have won most of their games with Iturralde in charge. Logic that’s hard to argue with, to be sure...

The occassional moments of unchecked dissent that slipped into Tuesday’s edition have been stamped out with Roberto Gómez - who had blasted his disgust at the ‘ridicule’ and ‘disgrace’ of the defeat - now thoroughly mind-wiped and reading from the same hymn sheet as his colleagues by claiming that “this Madrid is still very much alive and there’s a long way to go. The result was painful but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”

The paper’s other big issue is the fines handed out by UEFA to José Mourinho, Sergio Ramos, Xabi Alonso, Jerzy Dudek and Iker Casillas, as well as Real Madrid as an institution, for what they consider to have been caddish naughtiness of the worst kind in the yellow card carnival against Ajax, last Tuesday.

“Unfair and money-grabbing” yells Marca, which is probably quite pleased to have something else to talk about right about now. “It’s a strike against a manager with charisma and a succulent fine to fill their coffers,” whines Wednesday’s editorial, suddenly comprehending UEFA’s general purpose about 10 years after the rest of the world.

AS drummed up an awards ceremony - quite possibly with a day’s notice - to act as a decoy from Madrid’s humiliation with 18 pages dedicated to pictures of plump, jowly men hugging other plump jowly, men. And not much more.

Over in Barcelona and the two main papers are still in full, tackle out, basking mode. Mundo Deportivo hammers its ‘little hand’ theme to death with every, single, frackin’ page filled with photos of random people putting their hand up to the paper’s cameras and smiling smugly. Even more than usual for Barcelona fans. And that’s saying something.

Sport even find time for words to go with their pretty pictures from Monday’s victory. “The international press falls before the best team in the world,” sighs the Barça-barmy comic.

Inside, Josep María Casanovas is clearly a writer who likes to kick a man when he’s down by attacking José Mourinho’s ego-centric ways. “He’s one of those coaches that when the side wins, it’s him, when they lose, it’s the team that lost.”

The lunacy before, during and post Clásico has been so extreme that the blog has come to the only conclusion possible. That Barcelona will lose against Osasuna on Saturday, Real Madrid will be victorious over Valencia to go back to the top of the table and the whole insane cycle will start all over again. And again. And again. And again...

Madridistas brand Barça bad winners as Catalonia celebrates bathtime

Tim Stannard — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 13:18:00 GMT

It’s always a fine sign that a thorough spanking combined with a bespoke *rse-handing-on-a-plate has been dished out when the big fat losers start moaning and groaning that the opposition are bad winners.

That’s the approach a shell-shocked Marca has adopted, on Tuesday, with the paper having no doubt attempted but failed to blame their usual scapegoats, Manuel Pellegrini and Gonzalo Higuaín, for the night before.

The whopping problem the paper faces in reacting to the monumental stonking is that its apron-strings are tied so tightly to their Castle Greyskull controllers that awkward questions such has whence The Special One? Whither Karim Benzema? and why Cristiano Ronaldo? have been cast aside with Tuesday’s teary editorial spluttering that ‘CR7’ should have been given a penalty at 2-0, Barça’s third goal was offside and Pep Guardiola was mean for failing to give the ball back to Ronaldo at one point in the first half - a game changing moment, perhaps...

“The gentlemanly conduct of Sandro Rosell did not translate to the pitch with the same behaviour,” scoffed the paper, somewhat overlooking the tenth La Liga red card of Sergio Ramos’ career, doled out for hacking Leo Messi from behind and then pushing his Spain teammates, Carles Puyol and Xavi full in the face. The little tyke.

However, there is still room for some dissent in the inside pages - pages that have clearly gone unchecked by Marca’s masters - with Roberto Gómez branding the five-goal-shaped can of whoop-ass as “a disgrace, a joke of unfathomable dimensions,” adding “it was children against men."

AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, has positioned his paper in the Florentino Pérez doubters camp, this season - in comparison with the pom-pom waving Marca - and is enjoying the moral high ground on Tuesday with an article attacking Madrid for possessing “neither spirit nor courage” during the Camp Nou calamity.

“The indolence of Benzema has returned,” thundered Relaño, whilst his colleague, Juanma Trueba noted quite accurately that, “the Barça of Guardiola is still quite far away.”

Mad Tomás Roncero will not stand for such defeatist nonsense and follows Marca’s approach by attacking Puyol and Piqué for making a hand gesture displaying all five fingers, signifying the five goals - because of course no dignified, honourable, gentlemanly Real Madrid player would ever celebrate a humiliating beating handed out to their fiercest rivals in front of their own fans.

Or pass to a team-mate using their back when 2-0 up, for example. Ronaldo would never do that against Atlético Madrid. Never. Not even a couple of weeks ago. No.

“The season is long and in April there’ll be a Clásico in the Bernabeu and you know what it is going to be like then,” warned Roncero, although LLL suspects the AS man isn’t referring to Barcelona winning in Madrid. Again. “Pep, you have to know how to lose...and know how to win,” snorted Roncero.

Over in the Catalan capital and it is c**k-a-hoop o'clock with Sport boasting of Barça’s ‘Big Hand’ goalfest - as well as putting a picture of an actual big hand on the front cover in case some of their slower readers have problems comprehending the concept.

A Thrashing! A Humiliation! Leaders!” thunders the front cover with the kind of bragging that Marca whole-heartedly disapproves of and would never engage in had the boot been on the other foot.

“Barça played one of their best matches in history, as if they were from another galaxy,” purred Santi Nolla. “Cristiano is still without a goal against Barça and Mourinho had the biggest defeat of his life as a coach.”

Mundo Deportivo splash the fact that Madrid were given a “bath” - but with the loofah placed forcefully in a slightly unconventional spot, perhaps. “A magical night, unforgettable, superior, definitive,” burbled Lluís Foix, at a paper where the happy-clappy journalists are set for a late start on Tuesday morning...before firing taunts towards the Spanish capital all over again.

Good Day, Bad Day: Quique goes crackers and old skool Senna

Tim Stannard — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 14:06:00 GMT

Good Day

Espanyol

Another gem of a prediction from La Liga Loca warned potential punters from wasting good money on Espanyol getting a win in the Vicente Calderón on Saturday night, considering their fourth placed form had been built on victories at home, with just one goal on their travels.

So, of course, Espanyol were quite spectacular in the Spanish capital against Atlético Madrid and won all three points after a brilliant volley from Osvaldo, with his fourth for the season in a 2-3 victory.

It was triumph that so annoyed the heck out of opposition coach, Quique Sánchez Flores, that he tried to start a fight with Luis García - would not be the first person to do that - and even went for the most curmegoenly comment of all after the game to excuse his actions: the “some people need to learn how to win as well as lose” approach to taking a defeat on the chin.

Marcos Senna

That was an old skool, one from the classic section of a pile-driver from Marcos Senna to give Villarreal the lead after just eight minutes against Zaragoza and lead his side to an eventual 3-0 win in La Romareda.

Apart from the brilliant football that Juan Carlos Garrido’s men have been playing this season, the most impressive aspect of Villarreal’s campaign so far has been their resilience. After losing the opening game of the year against Real Sociedad, Villarreal went on to drop just four points from their next nine outings.

In the game immediately after the defeat to Barcelona and the home draw at Valencia, last weekend, the Villarreal players could have been more than a little down in the dumps - instead it was a competent and complete victory over Zaragoza, a team who may have given their visitors some gip in their first home match under new manager, Javier Aguirre.

Miku

At last, Getafe manager Míchel sees sense and drops Adrián Colunga who is willing and hardworking but not the kind of finisher that Getafe have had in recent years in the form of Dani Güiza and Roberto Soldado.

LLL still isn’t sure that Miku is the new Coliseum ‘crack’ either despite a fine performance leading the line in a most surprising 3-1 win over Sevilla in the Sánchez Pizjuán and a spectacular goal to put Getafe into a second half lead that they managed to hold on to and then some.

Real Sociedad

Just as pleasurable is watching la Real these days - especially Sunday’s 3-1 over Sporting - is reciting the names of their players. It’s like licking Baileys of an angel’s booby. Probably. But give it a go yourself - Ansotegi, Bravo, de la Bella, Elustondo, Zurutuza, Agirretxe, Zubikarai...

Roberto Soldado

No, two goals against Bursapor on Wednesday and now another brace against Almería four days later have not convinced LLL what many have tried to do for some time with the claim that the Valencia man is a great striker.

Soldado remains a forward who needs a hundred chances to score one and tends to grab goals in clusters to boost his figures. And no amount of very strong and watertight evidence to the contrary will convince this most stubborn of blogs otherwise.

Racing Santander

Once again, Racing missed another penalty - the third from three the side has been awarded this season - but the home team were still able to grab a much needed 1-0 win, mainly thanks to the fact they were playing Deportivo.

Michael Laudrup

Sixth spot now for Mallorca after a 2-0 victory over Málaga making manager, Michael Laudrup, the real Special One of la Liga.

Athletic Bilbao

A last minute header from a corner gave the Basque team a 1-0 win over Osasuna - the only surprise being that it didn’t come from Fernando Llorente, but instead Carlos Gurpegui.

Hércules

Three goals from Nelson Valdez and David Trezeguet in a 3-1 win over Levante continue to make this forward pair two of the shrewdest signings in la Liga, this season.

Bad Day

Quique Sánchez Flores

A brilliant plot-losing display from the Atlético boss saw Quique take offense at Espanyol fullback, Javi López, trying to stumble back into play having being fouled and bundled off the pitch by Godín.

The Rojiblanco ruler tried to pick him up off the turf by the scruff of his neck before Espanyol captain, Luis García, intervened to start off a pushing match that saw Quique sent off for the second time this season. But it got worse for the Atlético manager who had to be forcibly held back by Carlos Kameni from ‘aving some ‘afters with García after the final whistle had blown.

Good work all round despite the possible four match ban that could be coming Quique’s way.

Sevilla

A home defeat against Mallorca, last week, partly explained the poor turn-out against Getafe in the defeat on Saturday - that and the growing feeling that this is maybe another lost season for Sevilla.

Gregorio Manzano was featured in Friday’s Marca during a training session where he was yelling “you’re just 20, you’ve got to run, we can’t be just about tiki-tika all the time,” at his players - but to no apparent effect it would seem.

The starting XI for Sevilla on Saturday night featuring the likes of Kanouté, Negredo, Perotti, Diego Capel and Zokora is still a strong one - but you’d never have known it watching them vanish from the game in the second half when Getafe only had to move up the smallest of gears to overcome their Andalusian rivals.

Zaragoza

From seeing them for itself on Monday and from Saturday’s defeat against Villarreal, LLL feels that the Zaragoza side really is a peculiar bunch of individuals, rather than a team. And that’s not surprising considering the turnover in players - and managers - over the past 12 months.

On the plus side, the Aragonese side is a boredom busting ‘didn’t he used to play for?’ journeymen XI starring Sinama-Pongolle (Atlético), Lafita (Deportivo), Edmilson (Barcelona), Diogo (Real Madrid), Paredes (Getafe) and Leo Franco (Atlético).

Sporting

Without a win in six and with four defeats in that run means that we must all seriously contemplate the thought of Sporting and its fantastic fans being relegated this season.

The second notion must be whether José Mourinho can be blamed for any of this for messing with Manuel Preciado’s mojo a few weeks back?

Almería

New manager, but same result for Almería with a 2-1 defeat away at Valencia. But at least it wasn't eight.

The porn star-jettisoning, stomach ulcered weekend La Liga predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 10:47:00 GMT

Saturday

Zaragoza (20th) v Villarreal (3rd)

It was a truly bone-warming, wonderful sight to see the greying flat-top of Javier Aguirre back in la Liga again taking charge of his new club against Getafe on Monday evening.

The Mexican manager had taken a sidestep from Spain to look after his national side in the World Cup having been sacked by Atlético just over a year ago, but has made a very welcome return to la Primera to take charge of the makeshift ship of Zaragoza - a club where he has awful lot of work to do if they are to stay up.

Another coach who is more secure in his life space this week is mean and moody Villarreal boss, Juan Carlos Garrido, who has had his contract extended to 2014. This hopefully means four more years of picking fights with his rival managers as he has managed to do with Pep Guardiola and Unai Emery in the last couple of weeks.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla (7th) v Getafe (12th)

Despite the best efforts of the air-shot supremo and Getafe goalkeeper, Jordi Codina, Míchel the Manager managed to hang onto his job for just a little a bit longer after a mighty 1-1 draw at home against the league’s worst team, Real Zaragoza, on Monday night.

However, Getafe are still without a win in the league in four games, and the coach didn’t really seem to have the backing of the fans - those that turned up projected a few naughty-worded songs in his direction.

AS is speculating that former Almería man Hugo Sánchez is primed, pumped and ready to move into Míchel’s hot seat, should the day come, with Getafe president, Angel Torres reportedly having fancied the Mexican back when the Coliseum club won promotion from la Segunda in 2004 before instead appointing Quique Sánchez Flores.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Atlético Madrid (6th) v Espanyol (4th)

Those of a gambling bent might see Espanyol’s hifalutin fourth place combined with Atlético’s peculiar ways as a cheeky chance for an away win bet. They’d be wrong to do so. Espanyol’s Champions League berth has been built on a home record that sees six wins from six. And not much else.

Away from the Catalan capital, Espanyol are a useful as...well, Javier Arizmendi...with just one win, one draw and one goal scored on their travels.

Meanwhile Atleti club president, Enrique Cerezo, has been all with the ‘I don’t like to talk about referees but I do anyway’ by celebrating the Rojiblancos first spot-kick of the season, scored by Simao last week away at Real Sociedad.

“I’m the first to defend their job,” boasted the Atleti head honcho supportively. “Except in the game against Villarreal. That was something else,” retorted Cerezo on match when Atleti felt they should have been given about ten penalties.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Sporting (17th) v Real Sociedad (9th)

Because of the spit, spat and all the nonsense that took place between Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado and José Mourinho before their Primera clash a couple of weeks ago, the FA’s Anti-Violence Commission had announced that it was going to look into and report on the incidents. Strangely, that report and possible recommendation for punishment has been somewhat slow in coming, which means that José Mourinho is free to return to the touchline against Barcelona in the Camp Nou.

UEFA’s wheels move much faster, however, with the Madrid manager and four players being dragged to Nyon on Tuesday to answer the case raised by the sendings off against Ajax.

It seems that the club’s lawyers as well as its players are going to be busy beavers, over the next few weeks.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (14th) v Levante (15th)

This week’s Royston Drenthe news centres around his absence from the Hércules line-up, last week, in the defeat away at Espanyol. The big gap in the Alicante’s side’s aura was due to the Dutch winger suffering from a stomach ulcer. The blog knows how he feels coming to the end of Champions League, ‘yellow card-gate’, World Cup bidding and Clásico week.

Get well soon.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (16th) v Deportivo (13th)

There was even more good news for Deportivo, this week, with the side on a bit of a run at the moment to move the goal-shy Galician club into mid-table. Super striker extraordinaire, Riki, is ruled out until the end of the year having suffered an appendicitis, last Friday.

Despite this boost to Depor’s chances on Sunday against Racing and a streak that has seen three wins from four, maestro of misery and Depor boss, Miguel Angel Lotina, had to bring the euphoria down a notch or two by fretting over the possible departure of out of contract players next summer to balance the club’s books.

“The ideas (of reducing the debt) is very good...but staying in la Primera is key,” intoned Lotina.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (8th) v Málaga (18th)

With Marca believing Manuel Pellegrini is the devil incarnate, the new Málaga boss unsurprisingly chose their rivals, AS, as his newspaper of choice for a bit of a chat on Thursday. And as ever, the great Chilean refused to strip to the waist and get down and dirty with some manly Marca booty-kicking, which the paper fully deserves.

“They fulfill an important role in this country, across many areas from sporting to social,” opined Pellegrini on Spain’s football press. “In many ways they have an economic function too but when they have the necessary objectivity, I have found they have been very respectful to me.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Athletic Bilbao (10th) v Osasuna (11th)

The ‘Basque’ - in the Athletic selection policy sense of the word - derby sees one particular Osasuna player having a bit of a pop at the local rivals for their tendency to poach proud, Pamplona-born players and World Cup winners such as Javi Martínez and Fernando Llorente.

“You can’t beat Athletic for the number of Navarrans they have,” joshed Osasuna captain, Patxi Puñal, on a squad that has nine players from the region as opposed to his own side’s six, notes Marca, doing LLL’s work for it.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (5th) v Almería (19th)

Marcelino said no. Nestor Gorosito said no. Diego Simeone said no. All turned down the chance to manage Almería, this week, after the sacking of Juanma Lillo, making the blog suspect the club contract involved the words ‘concert’ ‘enforced attendance’ and ‘David Bisbal’ - Spain’s biggest and worst pop star and Almería’s most famous fan.

However, the man who took Tenerife up last season, then took them back down to la Segunda again, José Luis Oltra, said ‘yes, yes, yes’ to the role and signed his papers on Thursday.

The fourth-choice father of Almería then gave an early indication of the kind of football that local fans can enjoy this season, in the club’s probable fight against relegation. “I’ve not come here for people to say how prettily Oltra’s Almería plays.”

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Monday

Of course, all the talk should be about Mou v Pep, Messi v Ronaldo, Granero v Bojan. But what’s really exciting the interest from LLL, this week, is wondering what the heckety-heck is going on between former Barça president, Joan Laporta, and an adult film star.

This very Catalan scandal began when naughty film femme fatale, María Lapiedra (WARNING - DO NOT GOOGLE AT WORK), became part of the campaigning for Laporta’s political party, Solidaritat Catalana por la Independència, ahead of this Sunday’s local election. María even made a pop video which largely featured her lounging about in her undies singing the praises of the former King of Cataluyna.

But it seems that Laporta has got cold feet about the whole business and jettisoned poor old María. And Marca were more than happy to find out what went on between this very odd couple.

Lapiedra began the story with their first meeting. “Laporta looked at me with desire,” recalled María with relish having been introduced by a friend. “He said that he liked my tattoo on my leg, and loved my eyes. He looked me up and down.”

The actress who apparently does take an active interest in issues concerning Catalan independence said that her participation in the campaign was to show that Laporta was an open party for all. Until she was apparently dropped like a hot potato, that is.

“He doesn’t even have the balls to call me (to get rid of me),” lamented María whilst posing on a bed for Marca, in a very small Barcelona top indeed.

LLL Prediction - Goalless draw

Mourinho takes a new toy from the naughty box as Madrid see red

Tim Stannard — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 14:36:00 GMT

La Liga Loca is really going to have to send a box of choccies and a big manly hug in José Mourinho’s direction some time soon, as the mischievous Real Madrid manager is - like Maniche’s pizza boy - delivering the goods again and again and again.

Just when the blog was wondering how to fill several hundred words babbling on about the excellent nature of Madrid’s win over Ajax, on Tuesday night - something it really didn’t fancy doing at all - Mourinho pulled off another masterstroke in the final minutes of the Champions League clash in Amsterdam to set tongues a-waggin' in Spain.

The fishy behaviour, which quickly became the main talking point of Wednesday’s sporting chatter, began when Mourinho was pictured in deep conversation with the club’s match delegate, Chendo, with his team 3-0 up.

Soon after, the Madrid manager was chatting to Jerzy Dudek - probably for the first time this season - with both their mouths covered to avoid falling victim to one of Spanish television’s most favourite pastimes - lip-reading. The Polish goalkeeper then made the unusual move of trundling all the way over to Iker Casillas’ goal while the match was in play for a bit of a chinwag. The Madrid captain then sauntered over to speak to Sergio Ramos.

Soon after, both the Madrid defender and Xabi Alonso picked up second yellow cards in the game - both for time-wasting - to give them three for the group stages, a suspension for the last, meaningless group clash against Auxerre, but most importantly of all a clean slate for the knock-out rounds.

‘All coincidence’ was the message from the oh-so-innocent footballers and Mourinho himself after the game, but few seem to be believe them for some curious reason. So instead of the Spanish media focussing on what was an impressive win, a lovely goal from Karim Benzema or Mesut Özil’s genius lay-off, it’s red card fever that is dominating the day.

AS are not happy at all, with the editor Alfredo Relaño fuming that “I don’t like it. I’m sorry, but I don’t. It doesn’t fit with the idea of sport that I have, nor the image Madrid have offered for so many years”.

The Madrid paper is joined in the penthouse of their ivory tower by Barcelona-based Sport who have unsurprisingly chipped in, bemoaning “the incredible exercise in hypocrisy and cynicism from Mourinho”.

Marca - the paper on Real Madrid’s leash more than any other - avoided commenting on the morality of Mourinho’s move, although its website frets that UEFA will investigate the mysterious goings on - and then decide to do zip all about it, no doubt.

Wednesday’s edition is far more concerned about finding ways of giving more penalties to Cristiano Ronaldo, with the back page arguing for video replays to be introduced as a way of boosting their favourite pet’s Pichichi prowess.

Whilst Real Madrid’s passage to the first knock-out round of the Champions League - the club’s traditional drop off point - has been as smooth and silky as Gerard Pique’s chat-up routine, Barcelona have been as successful as a Deportivo shooting session, having continued their rotten form away from home which sees Pep’s Dream Boys without an away win in five attempts in the competition.

Barcelona are giving it another go in Athens on Wednesday night, facing Panathinaikos in a match where a point should be enough to secure a smooth passing over (LLL has never been any good at this calculating lark).

The blog was surprised to discover the very recent former Málaga boss, Jesualdo Ferreira is now in charge of the Greek side, having only been sacked what seems like a few days ago. What’s more, the Portuguese manager still looks just as grumpy despite the change in scene.

Valencia will be through from their group if....(reads the paper)...the Spanish side beats visiting Turkish outfit Bursaspor, and Manchester United beat Rangers. Probably.

But to end today’s ramblings, a quick quiz. On Tuesday morning, Spanish police detained a group of 165 Real Madrid hooligans - or Ultras as they like to be called - at the airport on their way to Amsterdam for the Champions League game and a spot of tourism, no doubt.

In doing so the police confiscated 19 baseball bats, crash helmets and Nazi imagery from the group. The question is what did they do next...

a) Prevent them from traveling to Amsterdam and raising merry mayhem in the Dutch capital?
b) Wave them through to their charter planes to the Netherlands, but with only after slapping them with a fine for the possession of the bats and Nazi imagery?

LLL suspects you may already know the answer.

Barça-barmy press make first move in pre-Clásico media war

Tim Stannard — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 14:53:00 GMT

The big, bold notices splattered across the morning Marca in the run up to a meeting between Real Madrid and Barcelona usually either bring La Liga Loca to blubbering, shuddering tears of desperation or have it clapping like a sea-lion given the chance to puke fish guts over Justin Bieber.

Monday was very much the former for a tired and distressed LLL. But Tuesday sees the blog in much finer fettle and able to embrace the madness.

For those new to all this clásico kerfuffle, the build-up to the twice-yearly battle in the Madrid and Barcelona press between Spain’s top two teams rarely covers such tedious areas such as tactics, but is a mass mud-fight of taunts, insults and the kind of behaviour that would have toddlers standing hands on hips going, ‘really?’

But being aware that there are a fair number of Culés and Madridistas out there who may need arming with everything they need to know and throw ahead of Monday’s game, LLL will attempt to cover the gist of the war of words that has kicked off.

Starting with some ammo for fans of the Camp Nou club - the general Barça vibe has fallen back on all the “we do things properly...look at our youth scheme...more than just a club...Unicef on our shirts” insufferable smugness that supporters of every other club in the world - or people just queuing at the cashpoint - are subjected to from time to time.

Sport lead the way by complaining that Barcelona have not had a single penalty this season, compared to the five given to Real Madrid - evidence of the pro-Madridista bias with the league referees, of course.

The paper also boasts that Barça are set to start the game with eight youth team players compared to the one of Real Madrid. However the Barça press don’t really have the hand of this taunting business, as hard as they try, and are already getting their collective panties in a bunch about the concept of José Mourinho, a manager who is the big, bad bogeyman for Barcelona fans.

An editorial in Monday’s edition was entitled “Ignore Mourinho!”. Directly below that instruction was another that immediately disobeyed the ruling by warning of “The Mou Factor!”

Even though Sport would have welcomed the former Inter Milan man with open arms and cupcakes a couple of years ago had Pep Guardiola not got the gig, Joan Batlle puts a rather desperate boot in, by grumbling that “the Portuguese man has tried by all means necessary to destabilise rivals with the lowest insinuations.”

Elsewhere, Batlle’s colleague also ignores the ‘ignore Mourinho’ command, moaning that “Mourinho is as good a coach as he is a grand maestro of provocation.”

Francesc Aguilar has his sights set on Cristiano Ronaldo in comparing the Madrid man with little Leo Messi, a comparison where the Barça player comes out on top to no-one’s real surprise.

“Messi’s football is stratospheric,” gurgles the Sport scribe, “but he does things normally, he doesn’t look to humiliate rivals”. Apart from scoring hat-tricks against Almería, a team who had long since given up the ghost in Saturday’s stonking.

Marca are holding fire for the moment, but do report that Ronaldo is fouled more often than Messi. And yes, the blog is at just as much of a loss to know what point they are trying to make. Possibly it is an implication that the Barcelona man doesn’t get enough protection from the referee...

Despite Sport’s constant complaints that Mourinho is the great provoker who will do and say anything to win a game, it has been a fairly low key start to clásico week in Castle Greyskull, with the Madrid boss suggesting that the clash really isn’t all that. “It lacks the salt and pepper of a knock-out game,” claimed Mourinho in Monday’s Marca. “It’s not decisive.”

This comment was a fairly rare one from the The Very Special One who has been serving a two match touchline ban in la Liga, a ban which Mourinho has rather enjoyed. “It’s been my best 12 days at the club, just working with my players, no media, no press conferences.”

This silence is set to be broken after Madrid’s Champions League game against Ajax on Tuesday night, both by Mourinho and by the Madridista press. The Barça-barmy papers may have fired the first volley in the war of words, but LLL is sure that the response from the Spanish capital is going to be swift.

Good Day, Bad Day: Jose's Chinese whispers & Ronaldo's distressed look

Tim Stannard — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 14:44:00 GMT

Our man in Madrid, Tim Stannard, rounds up the weekend's action from La Liga in traditional fashion - by mercilessly mocking those who did badly...

Good Day

Real Madrid and Barcelona

“Real Madrid come to the home of the Champions as league leaders. Messi against CR7. Mourinho against Guardiola. This league couldn’t ask for more!” pants Sunday’s editorial in Marca on next Monday’s Clásico.

“Good for you. Now take your ball, go nuts, but eff off and leave the rest of us alone,” is the general response from fans of the other 18 clubs in la Primera.

Sergio Ramos

The distressed look on Cristiano Ronaldo’s face as Ramos took the ball and informed him that he would be taking the penalty with Real Madrid at 2-1 up was quite, quite priceless. The Portuguese forward didn’t know whether to bawl his eyes out or throw himself to the ground and smash his fists on the floor. José Mourinho didn’t look too chuffed about the notion, either.

It was option B all the way, though, earlier in the game when Ronaldo toppled to the ground after the teeniest of contact by opposition goalkeeper, Gorka, and his subsequent desperate appeals for a penalty were turned down.

Michael Laudrup

Great Caesar’s Ghost, the Great Dane is pulling off some sterling results this season from a club that’s in administration. These include draws against Barcelona and Real Madrid and a victory against Valencia in Mestalla. Mallorca can now boast the scalp of Sevilla in...er...Seville...and former coach, Gregorio Manzano.

The Balearic side had taken the lead in the first half before Sevilla pulled a late goal back in what looked like being a share of the spoils. But that was before Mallorca went straight up the other end in the 89th minute to win the game after a header from a free-kick from Pierre Webo.

“It was an unexpected win. To say anything else would be arrogant,” claimed Laudrup, José Mourinho’s replacement in two season’s time.

Felipe Caicedo

A storming display and two goals for Levante against Racing moves the Valencia club out of the relegation zone, although LLL suspects that Luis García’s side will still go down.

Deportivo

Three goals against Málaga without reply represents a fairly decent day's work for the Galician club, who have now won three from four - making any jokes about their goal-scoring impotence pretty much redundant. Boo sucks to them.

Atlético Madrid

Kun Agüero and Diego Forlán are well and truly back in business with the swash-buckling duo scoring three goals in a loopy 4-2 win against Real Sociedad - the Rojiblanco’s first ever victory in La Anoeta and just their second league win on their travels in 2010.

Espanyol

Perico boss, Mauricio Pochettino, says the fans are partly responsible for Espanyol’s run at home which sees six wins from six, by giving the wee youngsters of the side all the confidence and love they could ever need. Heartwarming stuff, really. Paul from Barcelona is just one of those supporters.

“Well, I never thought I would see three goals. Neither team started well and Espanyol scored with their first attack - a breakaway, a fantastic pass from Osvaldo and Verdu finished coolly.

I thought 'aye, aye that's yer lot'. One-nil to the Espanyol and apart from one great save from Kameni. Think Gordon Banks-lite, from a Trezeguet header, that was it.

Then nothing happened for a fair while until Osvaldo broke free after a great chip from The Good Ship García (S.S Garcia) and he was, allegedly, brought down by the keeper (red card). Looked like a dive from where I was but AS and Marca said it was a pen. Mundo Deportivo and Sport said I could buy a new Barça toothbrush rack. Osvaldo scored easily.

Alvaro then tricked a defender into fouling him for another pen which the non-maritime García (Luis) scored. Espanyol didn't play well but didn't need to against a very poor Hercules.

75 Hercules fans and a group wearing red-and-white striped shirts - (Sporting fans two weeks too early?) Good support though.

Garbage ref. Favoured the visitors throughout and still gave two penalties against them.Fantastic reception for fan's favourite Rufete. Pity he didn't come on. Much loved still at Espanyol. Great player and by all accounts a really nice guy too.”

Paul, Barcelona

Bad Day

Pep Guardiola

...for being the manager responsible for bringing about the firing of his good friend and Almería coach, Juanma Lillo, after the 8-0 shellacking by Barcelona.

Juanma Lillo

...for being the manager on the end of the shellacking and firing after the clash that has plonked the club in the relegation zone with just the single win this season. “The side isn’t competitive. I don’t like how they are playing or training,” moaned club president, Alfonso García, after the game and before beginning contract negotiations with former Real Zaragoza and Racing boss, Marcelino.

José Mourinho

LLL simply can’t imagine the fuss that Marca and AS would make if Pep Guardiola were to serve out a touch-line ban for swearing at a referee by sitting in the stands and passing orders chinese whispers style to his assistants or directly shouting to his players.

But that’s what The Very Special One did on Saturday against Athletic in an action that was possibly not contravening the requirements of his ban, but wasn’t exactly in the Christmas spirit of it.

Juan Carlos Garrido

The new big boy, bad ass of la Primera got into a bit of a tiff with Pep Guardiola on the touchline in last week’s Camp Nou clash. This time around, the Villarreal coach was all with the “are you looking at me?” with Valencia boss, Unai Emery, when refusing to shake his hand after the 1-1 draw in El Madrigal on Saturday, after Garrido was reportedly peeved that the men from Mestalla turned up with a five man defence.

Racing Santander

If Míchel doesn’t receive the chop on Monday night in Getafe's game against Zaragoza, then it could be Racing boss, Miguel Angel Portugal, who is next to be sacked after losing 3-1 to Levante and having picked up just three wins in 12.

The Midday Kick-off Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 10:29:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Villarreal (3rd) Valencia (4th)
There’s going to be a moving, flower-petalled, violin-filled reunion in El Madrigal on Saturday when World Cup Portuguese pugilist Ricardo Costa comes a-callin'.

The Valencia defender and his Spanish counterpart Joan Capdevila had a bit of tiff and taff in their last-sixteen World Cup clash, with the Villarreal full-back taking a tumble to get his opponent sent off and subsequently banned for three games by FIFA.

“I never touched him,” claims Costa, recalling the moment for AS and suggesting that he may be out for a bit of revenge this weekend. “I would love to score and dedicate the goal to him,” sighs the Valencia man.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (18th) v Barcelona (2nd)
More than just a club? Maybe. But just as greedy as Real Madrid - that’s the opinion of seven Primera sides who formally told Barça and their buddies in the Spanish capital where they could shove the TV deal being offered by the pair from the 2015 campaign onwards.

The ever so generous rights carve-up sees the big two giving up a small portion of the total percentage of the pot from the one they have at the moment, but still receiving between €140m-€150m a year compared to the €22.5m lucky old Almería would be paid, for example.

Espanyol CEO Joan Collet sums up the general feeling in the stalled talks by claiming that “I have no doubt that in the next five, 10 or 15 years Madrid and Barça will keep on winning the league.”
LLL Prediction - Away win. Of course

Real Madrid (1st) v Athletic Bilbao (8th)
The somewhat self-obsessed Madrid and Barcelona sports media only notice other clubs when their two beloved sides take time out from bickering with each other to lower themselves into playing them - or want to buy their shiniest stars. So it’s time for Marca and AS to poke around Athletic Bilbao and their wonderfully whimsical “Basque-only, have a ‘K’ in your surname? Oh, you’ll do!” policy.

This week, Marca dragged Athletic president Fernando García Macua to Capital City, where he explained patiently that he had no intention of changing the direction of the club, noting (with some pride and pomp, the blog imagines) that his side currently supplies the captains of Spain’s U-21, U-19 and U17 teams. Macau also insisted that he wouldn’t be selling Fernando Llorente, either, not that this has lessened the hype in the Madrid papers this week – hype that will miraculously die down once Athletic have left town.
LLL Prediction - Home win

SUNDAY

Osasuna (12th) v Sporting (17th)
It was reported in Monday’s edition of Marca that Sporting manager Manuel Preciado had grabbed his groin and thrown a bottle at the Real Madrid coach in response to a two-fingered gesture from José Mourinho after Sunday’s cantankerous clash in El Molinón.

The next day Preciado swore to journalists on his son’s life that he did neither of the two alleged acts. Which means that someone is lying. LLL wonders who it could be?

The follow-through, as it were, from the whole insane affair sees the FA’s curiously-named Anti-Violence Commission charging both coaches for “creating a hostile atmosphere” ahead of last Sunday’s clash with their war of words.

Marca have jumped the shark a tad with Friday's front-cover response – a recreation of Goya’s Dos de Mayo painting that portrays their beloved José Mourinho in front of a firing squad.

Meanwhile AS editor Alfredo Relaño moans that charging both with the same offence gives “a false pretense of equality. When charging Preciado (for calling Mourinho ‘low-life’) they felt obliged to throw the book at Mourinho too (for saying Sporting fielded a weakened team in their Barcelona clash).

Phew. And it isn’t even El Clásico week.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (6th) v Hércules (13th)
Wesley Sneijder and Rafael van der Vaart have been joined by former teammate Royston Drenthe in the admittedly fairly small “Dutch midfielders rejected by Real Madrid but who are doing quite well for themselves since” club.

‘Ricky’ has been in exceptional form since the start of his loan move to Hércules, and scored with a cracking free-kick last weekend to beat Real Sociedad. The winger then received a call-up to the Dutch senior side for the first time and even got 10 minutes of trotting about - and falling over once or twice, no doubt - in the friendly against Turkey.
LLL Prediction - Home win (1-0)

Levante (19th) v Racing Santander (14th)
Curiously, Racing’s Swedish striker Markus Rosenberg has taken the fifth-most shots at goal in la Primera so far this season, putting him just behind Cristiano Ronaldo, Leo Messi, Guiseppe Rossi and David Villa.

Rosenberg has apparently had 39 bangs in the direction of the opposition goal in nine league games. The slight problem is that the Racing man has only scored two of them - three if you count that shot that flew off his back against Real Madrid.
LLL Prediction - Away win (Rosenberg hat-trick)

Deportivo (15th) v Málaga (16th)
“Doomed, doomed, doomed!” was the vibe from Wednesday’s Marca. They claimed that Deportivo president Augusto Lendoiro was going to ditch the manager, Lord of Misery Miguel Angel Lotina, at the end of the season, having suffered ‘being lectured for an hour on the club’s philosophy by a Barcelona fan’ levels of tedium watching Depor’s 5-5-0 formation for the past couple of seasons.

Lotina’s response to the speculation was, as to be expected, distinctly non-chirpy. “Three weeks ago, I was packing my bags,” sighed la Liga’s version of Marvin the Paranoid Android. “But now... I’m not fussed. Let’s see what happens in May.”

“Life? Don’t talk to me about life,” added the Deportivo manager when asked for his thoughts on Málaga’s revival under Manuel Pellegrini.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sevilla (5th) v Mallorca (10th)
Alvaro Negredo still continues to make friends all over Spain with his wrist-kissing celebrations, faking fouls to get opponents sent off and getting himself red-carded when most needed by his side.

At Zaragoza last weekend, the Sevilla striker scored in the final minutes of the game to further cement the love the home fans have for him in their hearts - a romance that began when he reportedly agreed to join the Aragonese outfit before heading south to the city of Seville in 2009.

“It’s not nice that people want you to die,” noted Negredo on his La Romareda reception, “but never mind... my way of responding was with a goal.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (9th) v Atlético Madrid (7th)
In a move that would very much delight the more-of-a-morning person LLL, AS are reporting that Atlético are contemplating midday kick-offs on a Sunday from January.

It's an attempt to cash in on the Asian market, what with the Rojiblancos' big men in big suits having signed partnership deals in China, Thailand and most recently of all the UAE. “This continent [Asia, obviously not Europe - Economics Ed.] is the solution for economic problems of the future,” notes Atleti columnist Manuel Esteban.

And after another Almería-like inept performance, matches finishing at two in the afternoon will also give the Calderón Massive extra bonus drinkie time to drown their sorrows.
LLL Prediction - Home win

MONDAY

Getafe (11th) v Zaragoza (20th)
Due to a bit of a lapse in sanity that saw LLL actually believing what came out of a club president’s gob, it mistakenly gave the impression in Wednesday’s update that Zaragoza coach José Aurelio Gay was safe in his position until at least next week.

“There won’t be any change with Gay,” claimed Zaragoza president and owner Agapito Iglesias on Monday. “We must keep on having patience. Aurelio will be on the bench next Monday [against Getafe]. And on Tuesday.”

So of course, the coach was fired two days later with former Osasuna, Atlético and Mexico coach, flat-top king Javier Aguirre, back in business and given a contract till the end of the season to save the skins of the bottom-of-the-table team.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Who'll be the next manager to be sacked in Spain?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 14:34:00 GMT

A combination of Spain’s economic crisis, club coffers as empty as Villarreal’s trophy cabinet and the utterly misguided notion that bench-sitting stability is a good thing has meant just two coaches have been fired in la Primera so far this season.

La Liga Loca feels that this simply isn’t good enough and that club presidents should grow a pair and fire some managerial minions sharpish, taking Sevilla and Málaga as an example of the awesome results that a cruel, pre-Christmas dismissal can bring.

Ever since Antonio Alvarez was replaced by the mind-probing former Mallorca man, Gregorio Manzano, Sevilla have gone on to win seven of the club’s nine matches under the new manager’s unflinching gaze.

In less than a week of appointing Manuel Pellegrini, Málaga have won two games at home to put the southern side through to the next round of the Copa del Rey and lift them off the bottom of the table.

Following this lesson in the undeniable value of a good sacking, LLL brings forth three suggestions of whose head should be the next to roll. There will be blood. Oh yes.

José Aurelio Gay - Zaragoza

Zaragoza were knocked out of the Spanish cup at the first hurdle by second division Córdoba, have won just a single, measly league game in eleven attempts and are stuck at the bottom of the table. Yet, incredibly their manager, José Aurelio Gay is still in charge of the Aragonese outfit.

To be fair to the former second team manager, Gay would have grabbed a point off Sevilla on Sunday, had his centre-back, Jiri Jarosik not had a brain meltdown and done a Pablo Ibañez in the final minutes against the Andalusian side to gift Alvaro Negredo the winner.

The fact there is still some semblance of a fighting spirit within the team - although not enough to prevent the fans from turning on their under-performing 'heroes' - has meant club president Agapito Iglesias has so far been reluctant to execute his coach despite having some history in this department in recent seasons.

“There won’t be any change with Gay,” claimed the Zaragoza owner, on Monday. “We must keep on having patience. Aurelio will be on the bench next Monday (against Getafe). And on Tuesday.”

Míchel - Getafe

LLL will be down at Getafe’s Coliseum on Monday for the aformentioned Zaragoza clash, poised like a particularly peckish vulture, waiting for Míchel’s managerial carcass to be thrown out to the circling, press pack predators.

The supporters have been staying away from the stadium of late - which they have always done, to be fair - and Getafe are in a wretched run of form which sees the Madrid club without a league win in six. And that’s not even mentioning a limp-as-a-boarding-school-biscuit Europa League campaign which more or less ended with a 3-0 surrender to Stuttgart in front of around 34 fans.

LLL has never really been a fan of Míchel, who got the Getafe gig through a famous name rather than a reputation, and is calling for Javier Aguirre, reportedly sniffing out a new Spanish challenge to dig his teeth into.

Juanma Lillo - Almería

An emergency meeting called after Almería failed to beat nine man Athletic Bilbao on Saturday was supposed to the signal for the sacking of the curly-haired coach, Juanma Lillo, who took over from Hugo Sánchez last season.

But despite Almería big cheese, García Gabarrón, complaining that “we weren’t in the game for a moment,” against their Basque opponents, Lillo lives on and is now expected to get something out of his side’s upcoming clashes against Barcelona and Valencia.

The blog’s money is on Lillo’s hide being the most likely to be hung out to dry on Sunday out of this troubled trio.

Coaches and players take a back seat as press go El Clásico crazy

Tim Stannard — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 14:44:00 GMT

Pep’s not talking about it. José is keeping his trap well and truly shut for once. Even the players are bored of the whole affair before it has even begun.

What everyone is so reluctant to discuss in Spain is El Clásico - the game so important to the life of la Liga, that it has been stuck on a Monday night, the obvious day of the week for the season’s headline act...

All in all, it’s no wonder that none of the participants of the hype-fest are too bothered about the Camp Nou clash, as it will almost certainly be tighter than a Catalan on the dole, and end in a goalless draw. “There is still another league game and a Champions League clash to go,” pointed out David Villa on Monday at a Spanish Player’s Union function, with Iker Casillas seated next to him concurring, but noting glumly that all the build-up baloney will happen anyway.

It is Sport over in the Catalan capital that has really kicked things off this time round, with an edition on Tuesday that is - and you must excuse the blog’s French at this point - completely batsh*t crazy. The paper is more ruffled than a pug dog in a wind tunnel by the thought of José Mourinho returning to the Camp Nou to do over the Dream Boys, once again.

Sport has dedicated its first six pages to highly entertaining but wonderfully unhinged rants on Real Madrid. “The most hated! A clamour against them!” barks its front cover at a picture of José Mourinho and Cristiano Ronaldo.

The crime the new Castle Greyskull king apparently committed was to note, not unreasonably, that Sporting boss Manuel Preciado had rested a few starters in his side game at Barcelona earlier this season, and that he hoped he did the same against his precious galacticos last Sunday.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s terrible trespass, as viewed from Sport’s ivory tower, is just being Cristiano Ronaldo. Which is fair enough.

“Madrid have gone into a dangerous spiral,” frets Josep Maria Casanovas in a column where the Barça-barmy writer feigns concern that the club’s ‘prestige’ is suffering at the hands of their gobby and gabby manager.

“Mou has confessed to his close friends that he doesn’t feel supported by the club,” stirs Casanovas, suggesting the Real Madrid coach felt isolated and unprotected from the attacks from Manuel Preciado, as if he was a petticoat-clad, Victorian rose petal needing support from a big strong man.

Mundo Deportivo have also gone on the attack - although find time to squeeze Barça’s reported new signing, Ibrahim Afellay, onto the front cover - with Santi Nolla concerned that “every day, it’s getting harder to have respect for Mourinho,” what with Madrid unbeaten at the top of la Primera and looking very comfortable in the Champions League, a competition that Mourinho has a bit of a history in.

Back in the Spanish capital, AS pre-empted the flak coming Madrid’s way, with editor Alfredo Relaño tutting that “sometimes I think that people are looking for reasons to come down hard on Madrid,” citing Xabi Alonso’s handball and the ludicrously over-inflated ‘back-pass’ from Ronaldo against Atlético Madrid as examples of the constant ‘faux-polemics’ in the Spanish press.

However, the paper has created a bit of a rod for his own journalistic back by stirring the pot somewhat ahead of Madrid’s match with Athletic Bilbao on Saturday. As is the tradition, they have looked to destablise Madrid’s rivals a tad by claiming that the club are desperate to sign the opposition’s star player.

On this occasion it’s Fernando Llorente, but in the past it has been Kun Agüero, Jésus Navas, David Silva, David Villa, Javier Arizmendi and Riki.

Marca's loon-bag editor, Eduardo Inda, must have been out of the office for the day being photographed with famous people, as they only mentioned the genius of Mourinho on page eight, although they did put a sure smile on Madridista faces with an editorial reminding the Bernabeu massive that Kaká will be back in the New Year, bar any international tournaments or beach volleyball parties the Brazilian may be saving himself for, next summer.

Good Day, Bad Day: Mou 'flicks the V' as Real sneak win

Tim Stannard — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 12:59:00 GMT

It's that time of the week again - Tim Stannard runs through the winners and losers of the weekend's action in Spain...

GOOD DAY

Real Madrid

Well, the ever-so-mature “You smell of poo! No, YOU smell of poo!” build-up to the Sporting against Real Madrid clash certainly gave the squawking local media types something to chew on over the weekend – aside from the usual "Just how brilliant is José Mourinho?" debates.

A typical example of the kind of excitement the name-calling nonsense instigated was witnessed by LLL when accidentally switching to Marca TV on Sunday evening. LLL was genuinely trying to snare MTV, which has just arrived on its television, as the blog has become ever so slightly addicted to being appalled and yet simultaneously entertained by the vile characters featured on My Super Sweet Sixteen. And don’t get it started on Jersey Shore.

Instead, it ended up with 30 seconds of three grown men literally screaming at each other and jabbing their fingers like toddlers fighting over a doll's house.

Basically, Real Madrid showed great persistence to win a cracking encounter in which a fantastically feisty Sporting played their part while José Mourinho was probably quite happy to be hidden in a VIP box at the back of the stadium rather than out on the pitch, like his poor players.

Andrés Iniesta

Billy Ocean’s favourite side in the going-gets-tough, tough-gets-going department with another win when it really, really, really matters. Barcelona’s fairly comprehensive victory over Villarreal must be added to the wins over Atlético Madrid, Valencia, Athletic Bilbao and Sevilla on the Dream Boys’ increasingly blood-spattered wall of scalps.

Of course, Leo Messi was brilliant once again with two goals - the Argentinian has more braces than a young Ken Dodd - but it was Andrés Iniesta that most tickled LLL’s fancy with some fantastic footwork throughout the game.

Athletic Bilbao

What looked like a routine 1-0 win against Almeria was far from it, with referee Velasco Carballo taking exception to Athletic left-backs. Having sent off Koikili Lertxundi, he got the same vexing vibe from his replacement Xavi Castillo, and gave him two yellows as well.

That saw the Basque side defending their 1-0 lead - which came from Fernando Llorente's eighth of the season - for 21 minutes with the San Mamés in incredible rabble-rousing form and making one heck of a racket to see their side through. “It was an epic win, full of struggling and suffering,” marvelled the striker known as Superman.

When the final whistle blew, it was if Athletic had won the Copa del Rey with Joaquin Caparros - who is NOT on amphetamines, as one of LLL’s match-watching companions was insisting having never seen the excitable Athletic manager in action before - babbling that “there was a union between the public and footballers who gave everything.”

Diego Forlán

The Uruguayan had hit a rough patch of 12 games without a goal, which saw poor old Diego getting the ‘pushing up daisies, six foot under, finished as a striker’ treatment from the Spanish sporting press.

But like Cristiano Ronaldo, David Villa and Karim Benzema before him, the Atlético forward has apparently risen from the Pichichi-chasing dead with two goals against Osasuna. And there was LLL thinking that the Deportivo attack were the only lifeless zombies in la Primera.

Forlán has now equalled Fernando Torres’ total of 91 goals for Atlético in just 170 games. The comparatively slack El Niño took 249 matches.

Royston Drenthe

Hero to the blog, and indeed the universe, Royston Drenthe scored a belter of a second-half free kick to become the first Hércules player not named David Trezeguet or Nelson Valdez to score a league goal, giving his side a 2-1 win over Real Sociedad and ending a run of five games without in the process.

Tino Costa

A lovely strike after just eight minutes was enough to kill off what little fight Getafe had in Mestalla and move Valencia back into the Champions League places.

Deportivo

A goalless draw for dull-Deportivo means that all is good, pretty and shiny with the world again after a worrying couple of rounds which saw both goals and wins for the legendary Galician fun-stoppers.

BAD DAY

Manuel Preciado

Reports suggest the Sporting manager, grabbed his genitals and threw a bottle at the Real Madrid bus as it departed El Molinón. The bottle reportedly missed its target and hit a woman standing nearby, according to Marca. Preciado claims that José Mourinho waved two fingers at him whilst a member of the Real Madrid coaching team shouted “going down” after a match atmosphere that moved from entertainingly sparky to plain nasty.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Ten goals against Deportivo, Málaga, Racing Santander and Hércules. None in slightly tough clashes against AC Milan, Atlético Madrid and now Sporting. Just sayin’. Nothing more. Stand back. Nothing to see here...

Manuel Pellegrini

Yes, a bad day - that’s what Marca’s website was claiming Manuel Pellegrini had on Sunday, despite having given Málaga their first win at home in the league this season in just his first league game in charge.

The crime committed by the former Real Madrid manager according to the paper which has a bit of a vendetta against the apparently dithering, indecisive Chilean is that the coach made some changes at half-time with the result that Málaga scored and went on to win the game with a belter from Eliseu.

“He made a complete U-turn at half time in changing his strikers,” complained the match report branding Pellegrini “the worst” of the encounter.

AS however, have fewer politically-inspired hang-ups about Manuel and hail the new Málaga manager as “the miracle man”.

Juanma Lillo

After Lillo’s Almería side failed to break down the nine men of Athletic Bilbao - having never looked like doing it, to be fair - the Almería president and his board asked to borrow a room at San Mamés in what was expected to be a quick get-together to fire Juanma Lillo’s booty.

However, the mop-topped manager appears to have survived the chop for the moment after reasoning that his side were “superior in numbers but never had the emotional superiority,” due to the outstanding San Mamés support.

Lillo will no doubt be expected to pick up points in Almería’s next two games. Against Barcelona and Valencia. So that’s him finished then, isn’t it?

El Mundo Deportivo

“His Machiavellian plan is taking effort but Mourinho still hasn’t stopped (Barça)” claims Sergi Solé on the Real Madrid manager’s apparently brilliant conceit to prevent Barcelona victories by controlling referees. And giving the Catalan club offside goals, too, it would seem - #flawedconcept.

Marca

“Barcelona being helped by the referee is back!” claims Monday’s Marca with the blog opening its balcony doors and peering over the edge in response to both papers.

Jiri Jarosik

The big lovable, goof-headed blunder-dome of a defender had one of his dithering, 'attack of the vapours' moments in the 90th minute of Zaragoza's home defeat to Sevilla, allowing Alvaro Negredo through to give the Andalusian side the 2-1 win and inflict his inane wrist-kissing goal celebration on the watching world.

After the match, Zaragoza manager - just - José Aurelio Gay noted that whilst the coach was always the one responsible for results there wasn’t much he could do about half-witted, pea-brained defenders giving the ball away in injury time. But in slightly more polite terms.

Ariel Nahuelpan

Racing Santander coach, Miguel Angel Portugal, was claiming that his side should have had a late penalty in the goalless draw away at Mallorca, with Ivan Bolado appearing to have taken a boot in the head.

But it probably wouldn’t have made any difference, considering the Racing striker, Ariel - a forward reaching levels of Riki-like incompetency - missed an earlier spot-kick awarded to the Cantabrian club before being substituted at half time.

Osasuna

Four red cards in Osasuna’s away games - the most recent seeing Ignacio Monreal being banished to the bench against Atlético - sees coach, José Antonio Camacho, contemplating some different tactics.

“When we travel away, I am going to train with ten,” mused the prince of Pamplona.

The Freebie-hoovering Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 11:22:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Athletic (10th) v Almería (16th)
LLL would not be at all surprised if Cristiano Ronaldo trotted out at El Molinón on Sunday with his wee fisties covered in bandages from hammering at walls and rubbing tear-stained eyes after hearing the news that he hadn't been voted the prettiest player in la Primera in a recently published poll. Not even in the top five, in fact.

Spanish magazine Don Balón has revealed the responses to its annual survey which quizzed 16 female football journalists on their opinions on the biggest hunk monsters in la Liga and have given the prize to dreamy Athletic Bilbao defender Aitor Ocio, with his teammate Fernando Llorente coming second. Espanyol forward Osvaldo squats in third, followed by Xabi Alonso and Gerard Piqué with no sign at all of a certain gel-haired Portuguese player.
LLL Prediction - Home win

The three hottest La Liga properties (Ocio, Llorente, Osvaldo)

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Osasuna (12th)
And so the “Diego Forlán Case” dribbles on for another week – despite LLL hearing from the horse’s mouth, as it were, on Sunday that the Rojiblanco striker had no plans to leave Atleti and that yes, he was quite aware that he was going through a bit of a barren spell on the goalscoring front, thank you very much.

A clearly bored Marca ran a headline story on Wednesday claiming that a mysterious, unnamed intermediary was hawking the Uruguayan to Real Madrid for a winter transfer window fee of €18m.

“Poppycock” was the response from Atleti president Enrique Cerezo, who denied that there was a rift between Quique Sánchez Flores and one of his prized - if ageing - possessions.

Cerezo also claimed that relations were “super-normal” between himself and the goal-dodging Diego, in what was a bit of a paradoxical statement, really.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (2nd) v Villarreal (3rd)
Gerard Piqué is a bit of a cheeky rascal isn’t he? Having only just managed to make the world forget about his reprehensible gob at a member of Spain’s World Cup crew during the open-top bus victory parade of Madrid, the Barça defender caused a bit of a kerfuffle again on Wednesday night during the Copa del Rey clash against Ceuta.

As Piqué was suspended / omitted (LLL gave up trying to work out the Spanish FA regulations on such matters some time ago) and was sitting with Carles Puyol in the players’ section of the stands, the fifth best-looking player in la Primera passed the time by throwing peanuts at a bald fella in front of him and pretending it was his mega-permed companion. Unfortunately, Piqué was filmed doing so.

But before Piqué could find himself in hot water again, the centre-back revealed on Twitter with a photograph as evidence that the target of Gerard’s unwanted match day snacks was Barça physio and best buddy, Juanjo Brau.

Those long winter evenings must just fly by at the Camp Nou.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza (19th) v Sevilla (6th)
Bad news from the Sánchez Pizjuán with Andrés Palop very much in the head over heels position over the concept of the new manager and apparent master of the mind, Gregorio Manzano. The goalkeeper reveals that the ‘Mister’ is not unlike a certain former Liverpool boss. “Manzano reminds me... of Rafa Benítez, a manager who was all about his teams winning,” mused Palop.

Meanwhile his club president, José Maria del Nido, was in magnificently grumpy form during the week, branding la Liga the worst in Europe due to its lack of financial equality compared to the Premier League and Champions League.

In an ill-tempered and spiky interview on Spanish radio station Cadena Ser, del Nido warned that “if you broadcast a game which is going to be Real Madrid three, Racing nil then people will switch off the TV. There’s no colour.”
LLL Prediction - Away win

Hércules (17th) v Real Sociedad (7th)
The bad news for Hércules this week was the club’s elimination from the Copa del Rey at the first hurdle. The good news was that the the 3-2 defeat to Málaga saw the side’s first goalscorer of the season who was called neither Nelson Valdez nor David Trezeguet.

The man on the scoresheet was former Real Madrid man Javier “wow, I’d forgotten he existed” Portillo.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing Santander (14th) v Espanyol (4th)
The one Barça player who will almost certainly avoid a booing and a barracking the next time the Barcelona derby is played in El Prat-land is Andrés Iniesta. The Spanish midfielder’s gesture of displaying a vest dedicated to the memory of former Espanyol captain Dani Jarque when celebrating La Furia’s World Cup winning goal has made sure that Iniesta will forever be off the Perico blacklist.

It’s especially the case now with the generously foreheaded footballer attending a ceremony on Thursday at Espanyol’s stadium to hand over the vest to form part of a mural in tribute to the footballer who died suddenly of heart problems 15 months ago.

“Even before knowing him personally, he seemed like a star to me – but now I know he’s the same off the pitch,” was the praise from Espanyol president Daniel Sánchez Llibre.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Málaga (20th) v Levante (18th)
With the return of Manuel Pellegrini to management in Spain, Marca can keep up its rather vile venomous campaign against the former Real Madrid man, with the paper sounding more and more like a jilted lover by the day.

Every victory for his Castle Greyskull successor José Mourinho is used to make a not-so-sly dig at Pellegrini in the paper’s editorial and direct attacks from the paper’s director, Eduardo Inda.

So it’s no real surprise that Pellegrini’s name did not come up in the paper’s midweek Top 10 despite having lead Málaga to a Copa del Rey victory over Hércules in his first game in charge. LLL looks forward to seeing if Marca repeats its snub when Pellegrini chalks up victory number two on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (9th) v Deportivo (15th)
The financial situation is still rather confused at Mallorca, with former boss Gregorio Manzano taking legal action to reclaim some €2m in what he claims are owed wages and bonuses for himself and his coaching team, who left the club last summer.

Mallorca are now hitting back by asking the current Sevilla coach to pay back a bonus he received for keeping the Balearic club in the top flight - a bonus which was incorrect, say Mallorca. “So why give it to me?” was Manzano’s not unreasonable response.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (13th) v Real Madrid (1st)
Madrid’s Copa del Rey clash with Murcia on Wednesday night was a remarkably entertaining affair, with José Mourinho being given the first red card of his Spanish spell for telling the referee in no uncertain terms to f-off. But in Spanish.

Rather than taking a spot in the VIP area or retreating to a press box, Mourinho strolled off into the crowd and sat in the second row of the stands, a position he returned to in the second half (if nearer the Real Madrid bench).

In the press conference after the game Mourinho took the "let the audience make up their own minds" approach by noting that referee Paradas Romero had produced 264 yellow cards in 46 games, including 11 the previous weekend.

Romero also managed to give Real Madrid a goal that was clearly offside and awarded a soft second-half penalty to the home side, so ultimately the man in the middle was nothing but fair in his general idiocy.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Valencia (5th) v Getafe (11th)
Getafe’s Copa del Rey visitors on Thursday night, Portugalete, were almost journalistic in their desperate hunt for freebies. Lying somewhere oop north in the Basque Country and stuck in the third division, the club officials were certainly going to enjoy their time in the limelight. Make that candlelight: it's Getafe.

Portugalete requested 28 passes to the Coliseum’s VIP area, with club president Amable Martín admitting that “the mayor is traveling, some councillors, then you’ve got the Portugalete politicians who do their business in Madrid.”

This sudden influx of football fans witnessed a 0-0 draw, a tremendous miss from Javier Arizmendi and their team being eliminated from the cup with a 1-1 aggregate scoreline.

“No glory, no goals,” was the summary of the performance from the home side from a clearly bored AS, with manager Míchel noting that “on these occasions a coach that says nothing is worth more than one who talks.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Hopping gaffers, bonkers refs, cheap tickets and empty stadiums

Tim Stannard — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 15:06:00 GMT

No wonder ankle-knacked Córdoba manager Lucas Alcaraz was going more than a little loopy on his crutches and struggling to stay upright in the touchline mud in a rainy El Sardinero stadium.

His side had managed to take Racing into extra time in Tuesday’s Copa del Rey clash with the aggregate score at 2-2, but a third for the home side looked set to put the Cantabrian team through.

But that was until referee Carlos Delgado Ferreiro got bored and decided to intervene by awarding a penalty to Córdoba for handball despite a clear case of ball-to-hand from disbelieving defender Christian Fernández, who had placed his arms in front of his body to avoid just such an outcome.

The subsequent spot-kick put Córdoba through with just seconds left, sending Alcaraz to the edge of his technical area to use one crutch to wave instructions at the players and the other to find a secure place in the Santander swamp to stop himself toppling over.

Damp and depressed Racing boss Miguel Angel Portugal badly needed a win with his side struggling in la Primera and was none too pleased with the referee’s peculiar decision. “Football is cruel and illogical,” he sighed, bewildered.

The evening’s second Copa del Rey tie was considerably less exciting, Espanyol drawing with Valladolid 1-1 to give the Pericos a 3-1 aggregate victory. However, there could have been thrills and spills had opposition halfwit Calle not decided to attempt a Panenka penalty after 10 minutes – only to see Cristian Alvarez save the insane shot without moving.

A whole load of other ties are taking place on Wednesday. The pick of the bunch certainly isn’t Atlético Madrid against Universidad at the Vicente Calderón, with the Rojiblancos 5-0 up from the first leg.

The complete lack of tension in the tie has left television companies uninterested in broadcasting it and fans uninterested in going, with Marca reporting that just 24 tickets had been sold by Tuesday lunchtime - 24 lucky souls who will catch a rare glimpse of Juanito in action against the Canary Island club.

Up the road a bit in Capital City and Real Madrid are expecting a sell-out at the Santiago Bernabeu, having dropped their lowest ticket prices to €8 for the clash against Murcia with the aggregate score in their game still goalless.

Despite being in the early stages of the competition and facing a team from the third tier of Spanish football who spent five hours traveling to Madrid by coach, Marca are panicking slightly and calling the game “the first final of the ‘Mou Team’”.

A coquettish José Mourinho gave his starting XI on Tuesday and called for Wednesday’s home crowd to make a bit of an effort for once. “I would like the Bernabeu to be a bit noisier,” mused The Very Special One. “In the derby it was too quiet, although I understand that this is cultural.”

Marca have quite naturally leapt upon this request as further signs of the Real Madrid manager’s all-round genius, with Wednesday’s editorial gasping that “the manager is on top of everything: tactics, fitness, whether the pitch is good or bad, if Pedro León or Benzema need more or less affection... and he’s right in almost everything.”

LLL suspects that the only thing that José Mourinho isn’t on top of is Marca’s editor, and the blog senses that this may be of lasting regret to the paper’s big boss.

Barcelona are giving Bojan another chance to mess up against Ceuta in the Camp Nou in a game where they hold a 2-0 lead, while third-placed Villarreal host Poli Eijido at El Madrigal with the tie level at 1-1.

Also at 1-1, Deportivo v Osasuna may be of some interest, but only in the same way one may take a curious look back into the bowl after a 20 minute session on the throne.

Elsewhere, new Málaga boss Manuel Pellegrini makes his debut in a clash against a Hércules side featuring Royston Drenthe – who didn't exactly enjoy his season under the Third-Choice Chilean at Real Madrid.

“We weren’t close, he didn’t treat me as I wanted to be sometimes. It wasn’t my best year and I didn’t play much,” said the on-loan Hércules winger in reflective mood and preparing to show his former manager brand new ways of falling over.

The only coach who loves la Liga life

Tim Stannard — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 13:56:00 GMT

A growing and probably quite unhealthy obsession with the concept of Unai Emery caused La Liga Loca to spend Monday musing whether the Valencia manager actually enjoyed his job.

It certainly didn’t look like it during the 2-0 loss to Sevilla, Emery watching Mehmet Topal’s rather harsh sending-off scupper any chance of success in the Sánchez Pizjuán.

Poor Unai spent the rest of the encounter gesticulating, shouting and clutching his slicked-back hair, with every tactical order being cheerfully ignored by players who no doubt thought they knew much better - a traditional trait at the Mestalla club.

The seeds of the notion that life at the east coast club was far from rosy were planted during a press conference after the home draw to Zaragoza, when Emery was bombarded with barbed questions concerning the uselessness of his side. All the Mestalla manager could do was sink further and further into his chair and pray for a sudden anthrax scare to clear the room of haranguing hacks.

The blog then got a-thinkin’ whether any Primera coach enjoys getting up in the morning to face the daily nonsense that is life in la Liga.
Pep Guardiola certainly doesn’t seem to.

The Barça boss is becoming crankier by the day, with two lowlights being his meltdown in front of the press - and a popcorn-munching LLL (which didn’t go down well with the Atleti press people, incidentally) - a few minutes after Tomás Ujfalusi’s terrible tackle on Leo Messi and the recent spitting spat with joshing and japing FC Copenhagen boss Stale Solbakken.

Although Pep’s Dream Boys are doing just fine in their various competitions, Pep is having to don big Catalan pants and plough through endless debates. Debates over his contract renewal. Debates over whether Real Madrid are better or being helped by the referees. Debates over whether his Barça side are overelaborate or not elaborate enough.

And that’s not even mentioning the institutional civil war going on between the old and new régimes at the club that sees poor Pep being tugged on like Sergio Ramos down at the Buddha Bar.

Spot the difference: Guardiola then and now

During a recent spell when Deportivo couldn’t even score goals never mind win games, notorious doomcloud coach Miguel Angel Lotina admitted that he was so stressed by the sporting situation that he couldn’t sleep and even joked about killing himself.

LLL’s recommendation would have been putting on DVDs of Depor’s recent games as a two-birds-with-one-stone method of solving both the goal-shy tendencies of the team and the manager’s insomnia.

Over at Atlético Madrid, Quique Sánchez Flores must be feeling that the UEFA Cup winning days are a very, very, very long time ago with the Rojiblancos losing to Real Madrid again, lying 12 points off the top of the table already and only managing one point in their five-game ‘Everest’ against Barcelona, Valencia, Sevilla, Villarreal and the league leaders.

On Sunday night, the Atleti boss came into the Bernabeu press room looking very Rufete-like, in the sleeping-under-a-hedge sense, and with a voice hoarse from screaming at Simao to actually do something for once.

Getafe’s Míchel and Almería’s Juanma Lillo both share that harrowed ‘borrowed time’ vibe whilst the likes of Miguel Angel Portugal at Racing and José Antonio Camacho at Osasuna know that if they are fired, the eternal merry-go-round of Spanish football will dump them at a club like Betis soon after Christmas.

Jose Mourinho only seems to relish the opportunities that the Real Madrid job offers him of winding up both the press, players and club president.

This leaves just one man who seems to adore every single aspect of his life in la Liga - Joaquín Caparrós. At a youthful 55 years of age, the Athletic Bilbao boss cuts a fantastic figure on the touchlines of Spain, dressed in jeans, T-shirt and bomber jacket screaming like a loon at everyone in sight and truly loving it.

Canal Plus once wired ‘Jokin’, as he is known in the Basque Country, up to a heart monitor during a game - the coach warned that he would break it - and found that it was peaking at an alarming 180 BPM. And that’s even before his excitable press conference performances, wonderfully expressive and erratic with Caparrós gibbering away in his Andalusian accent on every topic thrown at him.

The Athletic Bilbao manager is perhaps the one coach that needs the pressure and stress of a top-flight job in Spain to feel alive. For the rest - and Unai Emery especially - it's hard to see how life in la Liga can be anything other than a torturous Manic Street Preachers song-style slog of suffering.

Good Day, Bad Day: Incredible Carvalho and Devastating Depor

Tim Stannard — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:15:00 GMT

The best and worst of the La Liga weekend...

GOOD DAY

Ricardo Carvalho
Off the field, the Real Madrid defender has a delicate, almost ladylike way about him not too dissimilar to that of another footballing beast that LLL rubbed shoulders with once - well, perhaps rubbed shoulder to hip - Julio Baptista.

But in the footballing mix, Carvalho is as tough as John Wayne's boots and had a fine derby day by opening the scoring for Madrid and dealing with whatever the Atlético attack offered up before leaving the pitch after being smacked in the eye.

It was a performance that saw Marca yell “Carvalhazo!” on Monday's front cover – a deserved accolade for surely the best value of José Mourinho’s summer signings, especially when taking into account the early season injuries to fellow centre-backs Raúl Albiol and Ezequiel Garay.

Aside from the former Chelsea man, there isn’t too much else to be said over a clash that is constantly hyped to pieces in the Madrid media but, like Atlético Madrid, largely fails to deliver.

Leo Messi
Shows absolutely no signs of slowing down, maybe because much of the forward’s game is played in the 30-metre ‘zone of terror’ where little Leo has scored in five consecutive matches for Pep’s Dream Boys.

Borja Valero
There was much teeth-gnashing and potty-mouthed swearing in the LLL household when it realised far too late that the Villarreal v Athletic Bilbao clash was on TV due to a bit of a schedule change-around.

Juan Carlo Garrido’s men are still the best non-Barça side to watch this season and spanked Athletic Bilbao red raw on Sunday afternoon with a devastating counter-attacking display marshaled by Santi Cazorla and the brilliant Borja Valero. Unfortunately, the blog could only enjoy the trailer rather than the main event.

Espanyol
Gadzooks! If Valencia fail to beat Sevilla, Espanyol will stay in the Champions League places after a 1-0 win over Málaga, despite having scored just nine goals in 10 games! Here’s Paul from Barcelona with further explanation on the mad goings-on in El Prat-land.

“Quick seems to be the way to go here. Quick goal from Espanyol in 50-odd seconds. A long-range belter from man of the match Javi Marquez. Arnau should have saved it. He didn't want to hurt his hand, it seemed. He has a record of doing this, as Barça fans might remember. Roberto Carlos free-kick, anyone ?

"Osvaldo missed a good chance then it was deja-vu. Espanyol did all they could to throw it away but Málaga's 4-6-0 formation was never going to score. They showed some life when ex-Arsenal man Quincy came on. He hit the bar with a rocket – not bad for a 88-year-old ex-medical examiner. One for the teenagers there.

"That was it. A pretty poor game. Espanyol didn't play well but won. Málaga, great pace on the wings but final delivery was a shambles.

"150 Málaga fans, 20-or-so shirtless. An ex-pat stag night would be my guess [Brits abroad, Guiri-Army peña, perhaps - LLL]. Average ref.

"Málaga might just stay up due to there being three worse teams in Zaragoza, Almería and Racing (who'll beat us next week). Espanyol, at time of writing, are in the Champions League places. Not going to stay that way but Europa League spot is there for the taking."

-- Paul, Barcelona

Real Sociedad
Not exactly the most stimulating of games, but Real Sociedad’s 1-0 victory over Racing Santander was notable for the eight ‘cantera’ players in the Basque side’s starting XI. Sadly, there was no repeat of the car-based celebrations for Joseba Llorente’s winner to liven things up a tad.

Deportivo
LLL never doubted them for a second! A second win on the trot for deadly Depor with a 2-1 victory away at Levante that sees the gallant Galicians out of the relegation zone by two whole points.

Zaragoza
When watching Zaragoza this season, LLL has always felt that there was some zing and zest about the side even if there wasn't much evidence of quality. It was this vim that saw the home side coming from 2-1 down against Mallorca with six minutes to go to win 3-2, Zaragoza’s first victory of the season.

Osasuna
A hefty 3-0 win over the typically inconsistent Hércules moves Osasuna into 12th. All three goals came from set-pieces, but the variation from the normal Osasuna theme is that none came from the head of Walter Pandiani, because he was out injured.

Nacho Novo
A first goal in la Primera for the former Rangers man gives Sporting just their second point on their travels.

BAD DAY

Getafe
An exasperating first half of Sunday night's Coliseum clash with Barcelona. Although going toe-to-toe with the Catalan club is not the easiest of asks, some kind of effort and commitment from Míchel’s men would have been nice.

Javier Arizmendi
A classic moment for the gangly chance-waster when one-on-one with Víctor Váldez in the second half - looking a little lost at what he was supposed to do (the same look LLL used to have when going into Argos) before missing with typical style and aplomb.

Gerard Piqué
The Barcelona man’s sending off was not the result of a yellow card from a handball in the box as many people may have assumed, but due to the direct intervention of José Mourinho. That’s what Mundo Deportivo claim, anyway, responding to jibes from the Madrid manager that Barça get an easy ride from refs.

“Real Madrid moaning is nothing new and gets rewards,” complains JM Artells, “but refereeing from a press room is certainly new.”

Atlético Madrid
More of a ‘day’ for Atlético Madrid rather than a ‘bad day’, considering the Rojiblancos haven't won a derby since October 1999.

Note also that Quique Sánchez Flores was looking cooler than ever after the game with a new beardy look. “We missed four chances but they scored theirs,” noticed the Atlético manager after yet another defeat against Real Madrid.

Almería
More dropped points at home for Almería sees the spiky pendulum of doom moving once again in the direction of manager Juanma Lillo.

Málaga
Another defeat sees Málaga rock bottom of the table and with Manuel Pellegrini landed with a heck of a job when he starts work with the southern side this week.

Cristiano Ronaldo
Two goals against Hércules, four against Racing and two against Málaga. None against AC Milan and Atlético. Just sayin’... [Raised-eyebrows naughty look]

The Pants-Peeing Weekend Predictions - Round 10

Tim Stannard — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 11:47:00 GMT

SATURDAY

Real Sociedad (11th) v Racing Santander (12th)
With Sevilla, Villarreal, Atlético Madrid and Getafe (opponents of Barcelona) all having a lie-in after Thursday night Europa League action, two shy debutantes will trot out onto Saturday night's prime-time Primera stage, and hoping they don’t "do a Fergie" when they get out there and have a bit of an unfortunate accident.

And this can only be a good thing for la Primera, especially as it involves Real Sociedad - a side who have been immensely fun to watch this season. However, LLL can only imagine the despairing cries of "really?" from those TV companies of a more international leaning.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Espanyol (5th) v Málaga (18th)
Just last Monday, the increasingly vile Marca was taunting Real Madrid outcast Manuel Pellegrini over his unemployed state - a charming message in a country with a 20% jobless figure, although the former Villarreal man was hardly scrabbling around for scraps thanks to his Bernabeu pay-off.

“This is why Mourinho is the best trainer in the world and the Chilean is still without a team,” scoffed the paper’s editorial before Madrid’s point at the San Siro against AC Milan, the exact same result that the supposedly useless Pellegrini managed a year ago.

But now the much-maligned Mister makes a very welcome return to the Primera scene with Malaga. The southern club's Portuguese gaffer Jesualdo Ferreira got the hoof on Tuesday after five defeats in five home games left them in the relegation zone, so Pellegrini has joined a club bought last summer by Sheikh Abdullah Bin Nassar Al-Thani.

LLL now looks forward to watching Marca as the paper watches the apparently incompetent Pellegrini’s performance at his brand new club.
LLL Prediction - Home win

SUNDAY

Villarreal (3rd) v Athletic Bilbao (9th)
The Spanish do enjoy a good squabble, especially over football. For instance, the two TV companies that broadcast la Liga are still merrily suing and counter-suing each other, despite the fact that the amount of money owed to one another is basically the same.

And in recent weeks, a brand new scuffle has broken out – this time, between the clubs. A number of sides have told Real Madrid and Barcelona to stick their slicing of the TV-cash pie, which sees the Big Two receiving 17% each, Atleti and Valencia sharing 11% and the other 16, clearly less important, clubs divvying up the other 55%.

One of the clubs flicking the financial finger is Villarreal, with club president Fernando Roig declaring on Radio Marca this week that he is “fighting to make sure that la Liga isn’t a league of two, despite a lot of you not agreeing with me.”

Roig also took the open-mic opportunity to complain about having to play on Monday nights, something that a certain Primera pair are not required to do. “We mortals can play on a Monday, but not the gods. Barcelona and Real Madrid can’t play then as that would be a sin.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Almeria (16th) v Sporting (15th)
Now, this is going to sound a tad mean but it was just a bit of fun speculation between LLL and some comrades whilst at Getafe’s Coliseum on Thursday, watching the home side getting their booties toasted and handed back to them by Stuttgart.

The discussion was: If you could mastermind the make-up of la Primera, which three teams would you throw out and who would you replace them with?

LLL’s recommendations for expulsion were Getafe (fans seem indifferent to their top-flight existence), Almeria (harsh, but "meh") and Levante (city represented by Valencia; club has no real future).

Taking the place of this rejected rabble would be Celta Vigo (Galicia’s a mighty purty place), Rayo Vallecano (three sided stadiums are old skool rockin’ and the club has proper nutty fans) and, of course, Real Betis – who made the news this week when the man who is trying to buy the side, Luis Oliver, complained about a perceived opposition campaign against him by noting that “all that’s left is for them to call me a Muslim or black”.

Feel free to add your recommendations or complaints in the below.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (13th) v Hércules (14th)
Seeing as the Spanish FA and League would rather we forget all about the Hércules match-fixing business having archived investigations into the alleged affair, LLL is going to continue focusing on the only other notable aspect of the club - the existence of the genius of Royston Drenthe.

Last week the dynamic Dutchman was contemplating paying a €2m clause himself to release him to play Real Madrid in Alicante. One week later he's back in the news, this time for being a bit of a naughty boy.

A week last Thursday, the on-loan winger was stopped by the Alicante police at four in morning having blasted through six red lights at speeds of up to 100mph. Drenthe explained that the reason for such excess was a medical emergency as that he thought his passenger was in a coma. The fact that Drenthe was in a clinic when caught by the fuzz helped his story, although it turned out that his companion was merely blasted on booze.

It’s not the first time that the Hércules man has found himself in hot water whilst on the road. Just days after his arrival at Real Madrid, Drenthe’s car GPS told him to make a left turn where there wasn’t one, and the Dutchman drove straight into a police car.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Levante (17th) v Deportivo (19th)
Things are suddenly a little less depressing in Deportivo’s world after a 3-0 win over Espanyol last weekend. Portly club president Augusto Lendoiro certainly cut a happier figure with Depor boss Miguel Angel Lotina revealing the saucy, sexy secrets of what happened in the dressing room after the climactic, executive-relieving victory.

“I’ve not seen (Lendoiro) so happy for five years,” scooped Lotina. “He had a big smile and gave me a hug.”

It seems it's not just on the pitch where Lotina's feeling the big squeeze.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe (10th) v Barcelona (2nd)
“We do lack a bit of ambition at key moments.”

So said Manu del Moral – one good game in 15, which is still a darn sight better than Juan Albín – on what Getafe fans have been noticing for themselves over the past few years, thank you very much, and what was quite clear to see on Thursday night in a hopeless 3-0 home defeat to Stuttgart in the Europa League.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Real Madrid (1st) v Atlético Madrid (6th)
AS have continued to obsess over the few scraps of José Mourinho’s notepaper that their sister TV company Canal Plus managed to pick up after Saturday’s Hércules game.

Thursday’s edition saw a report broadcast by Cuatro of a handwriting expert who rather shockingly claimed from her analysis of the largely unintelligible scribbles that the Madrid manager was hiding a love of burning insects to death using magnifying glasses and toasting turtles for breakfast.

Not really. The expert from the probably completely made-up discipline gushed that The Special One might need to have the word ‘very’ jammed into his nickname, being even more of a super-being that everyone assumed.

“A very quick-thinker. Enormous leadership abilities. Generates confidence. Demanding but accessible. A good person. Noble” was the sycophantic summary gleaned from Mourinho’s meanderings.
LLL Prediction - Home win

MONDAY

Sevilla (8th) v Valencia (4th)
Despite the host broadcasters attempts to drag the good people of Seville to a football stadium on a Monday night at 10pm, some common sense prevailed by the kick-off time of this rather tasty clash moving to 9.30pm.

Both sides will be going into the game in fairly happy cheer after wins in Europe. Valencia rogered Rangers, whilst Sevilla beat Karpaty, the second of the sides in this season’s Europa League that LLL had never heard of before – the first being the brilliantly-titled Sheriff, who apparently come from Moldova.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mou given warm homecoming as Pep's boys struggle away again

Tim Stannard — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:48:00 GMT

The Barcelona players are single-handedly destroying the notion that footballers are more than comfortable playing away from home, as it has been almost a year since Pep’s Dream Boys managed to get their metaphorical legs over by winning on their travels in the Champions League.

Like Maniche’s neighbour on a long-haul flight, Barça have been left in a very uncomfortable position by only squeezing a 1-1 draw against FC Copenhagen, a result that sees the Catalan club having to take their fifth round Panathinaikos clash a little more seriously than they would have hoped some three days before El Clásico. Or four days. Or maybe even five.

That’s because the date of arguably the world’s biggest clash after the East Anglian derby has yet to be set and won’t be for another two weeks with the man in charge of scheduling the fixture arguing that he didn’t want to ‘cause speculation’.

But then again, at time of writing, the dates of the second leg of the current Copa del Rey round are still up in the air and they are due to take place next week. LLL suspects that it may be a new wheeze invented by those in charge of the game in Spain where fans simply turn up at a stadium every evening on the off chance that a match is on.

The frustration of a second away draw for Barcelona in group D saw Pep Guardiola going quite postal after the clash by confronting Copenhagen coach, Stale Solbakken, after comments he felt were bang out of order in regards to the two match UEFA suspension given to José Manuel Pinto over his efforts to impersonate the referee in the Camp Nou tie a fortnight ago.

“I’ve never called for a sanction for any player,” grumped Guardiola after the game overlooking the one hour treatise given to journalists on what he would like to do to Tomás Ujfalusi after his tackle on Leo Messi at the Vicente Calderón.

Solbakken gamely took the blame for the whole handbags affair by admitting that “I don’t think he understood what I was saying. I made a Norwegian joke, a bad one but it was a joke.”

Valencia had a considerably easier time that the players, manager and even LLL expected in Mestalla on Tuesday night with a snug, comfy 3-0 win against a Rangers side that came into the game as Andy Murray-style, plucky British hopefuls, but left with their sporrans between their legs as Scottish losers.

“They deserved to win,” said Walter Smith whilst Unai Emery mused that the victory for his suffering side would “restore a bit of our self confidence.”

Spain’s third Champions League challengers, Real Madrid, are in action on Wednesday night and going for their first every victory in San Siro and just their fifth in Italy in European competition.

Both AS and Marca have continued their big man-love of José Mourinho with the former getting hold of scraps of paper used by the Madrid manager during the Hércules clash and treating them like relics. “He takes notes during games!” was the gist of the gasping revelation from Tuesday’s edition.

What one page of the discarded notepad did reveal was that Mourinho had been calculating the number of games left in the season - possibly as a countdown to when The Special One can escape for the marginally less insane surroundings of Old Trafford.

Marca are alternating their editions between sweaty adoration of Cristiano Ronaldo and Mourinho, leading LLL to wonder that if the editor could spent the night with just one of the pair and a tub of marmalade, who would it be? It’s la Liga’s version of the ‘when would you do Jim?’ pub debate over the hypothetical scenario of 24 hours, a hotel room and The Coors.

Wednesday’s is a José adoration day, with the front cover using a banner held by an Inter fan saying that Mourinho had given the city an ‘Orgasmou’. “He was welcomed like a hero,” panted the paper over his arrival in the Italian city ahead of Wednesday’s clash.

LLL doesn’t even want to imagine the stickiness that will ensue in the offices of both big papers should Real Madrid master Milan on Wednesday night - something the blog thinks is a distinct possibility.

Why Estadio Mestalla could be heaven, not hell, for Rangers

Tim Stannard — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 12:09:00 GMT

If you were one of those immensely irritating ‘look on the bright side’, ‘glass is half full’ weirdo, optimistic types, then you would probably interpret the Valencia players being booed and jeered by the home fans during Saturday’s 1-1 draw against Zaragoza as a positive sign.

You would no doubt argue that it is an indication of the new found financial stability at the club that the notoriously fickle supporters are so comfortable that Valencia are no longer on the brink of bankruptcy that they can return to their most favourite past-time: complaining and calling for the trainer to be burned at the stake.

“Valencia is a football city that is anti-managers,” notes a local pundit, a view supported by Juan Mata who pointed out as diplomatically as he possibly could that “it’s hard playing in Mestalla, it’s a tense atmosphere.”

It’s a hostile atmosphere for the home team that will surely offer an advantage to the Rangers players on Tuesday night, players with a fine chance of pulling off a first ever win in Spain for the Scottish side in European competition. The reasons for the locals being particularly revolting of late has been a dreadful run of results for Valencia that has landed with the biggest of thumps after a particularly perky start to the season.

Unai Emery’s men began the campaign with five wins from six in the league along with a 4-0 thrashing of Bursaspor. But in the middle of October, Valencia lost out to Barcelona in the Camp Nou and have stumbled at home by losing to Mallorca and only managing a draw against struggling - and ten man - Zaragoza.

The problem is that the average Mestalla fan is not exactly the most supportive of souls when the footballing chips are down, and the last thing the Valencia players need is another game at home - especially a clash against a fairly feisty Rangers side that should have given them a hefty beating in Ibrox a fortnight ago.

Rangers train at the Mestalla ahead of tonight's match

A pessimistic Marca suggests “Valencia are playing in their own hell”, although Mata has issued a hopeful, on-his-knees plea that the home fans “will support us to the end like the Rangers supporters did in Scotland.”

For this to happen, the Valencia players are going to have to buck their ideas up on the pitch and play with a little more effort, or ‘ganas’ as the Spanish would say. The last two league games against Mallorca and Zaragoza saw desperately laboured, flat performances from Valencia with the side falling behind in both encounters and struggling to get back into the game.

“Our confidence is low,” admitted a shellshocked Emery on Saturday when being bombarded by questions on what has caused his team to become so timid.

Part of the problem for Emery is that he doesn’t appear to know his favoured starting eleven or even his first choice formation. Valencia have constantly switched from 4-4-2, to 4-3-2-1, to 4-2...er...something else, with players in and out of the side and being moved about like chess pieces.

Juan Mata has appeared as a left midfielder, second striker and front man, whilst there is no clear first choice central midfield pairing. However, for Tuesday’s night clash, Marca is predicting a 4-4-2 with some old Valencia warhorses such as David Albeda and Joaquín in the line-up.

Before the clash, the winger revealed what it can be like playing in Mestalla when the supporters are not in the best of moods. “When the public boo you, the ball burns your feet,”explained the former Spanish international.

It’s a season-defining game for Valencia, despite it only being the beginning of November. A defeat would make it an uphill struggle to qualify from their group, with Rangers then holding a four point advantage and a trip to Old Trafford on the cards. However, the real issue would be the fickle fans being on the backs of the players for the rest of the season.

Rangers need to take advantage of this most rarified of atmospheres. Should the Scottish side score first, then the evening could go very badly indeed for the Valencia men in Mestalla, but very well for the visitors.

Good Day, Bad Day: Brilliant Barça and Awful Arizmendi

Tim Stannard — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:28:00 GMT

Our man in Madrid rounds up the weekend's action in Spain with the latest installment of Good Day, Bad Day.

Good Day

David Villa

The Barcelona-barmy sports papers have more sensitive skin than that of the ludicrously pale La Liga Loca, so any slur and slurry thrown in the direction of the cash-strapped Camp Nou club tends to bring them to a bawling, lip-quiver before Sandro Rosell can say “cancel that UNICEF contract and sign the Halliburton deal!”

In recent weeks, it has been taunts concerning the goalscoring drought of David Villa, and José Mourinho’s suggestion on Friday that everyone get off Karim Benzema’s back - not because he is already carrying too much weight, of course - and focus on another top striker firing blanks.

However, a brilliant brace from Villa in a 5-0 win over Sevilla sees the Barça-barmy press wiping their eyes, blowing their noses and waving defiant fists in the direction of the Spanish capital.

“Barcelona responded to the insinuations and provocations with good football,” huffed Joan Batlle in Sport.

Although their papers constantly suggest that Pep’s Dream Boys are softer than Maniche’s man boobs, Barça have been brave little soldiers this season, having faced up to and beaten down Atlético Madrid, Valencia, Athletic Bilbao and now Sevilla - considerably tougher opponents than anything Real Madrid have had to deal with.

Karim Benzema

Expectations are so low over the failing French striker than one assist and a key part in another goal sees Marca proudly boasting that Benzema is back - thanks to Mourinho of course - some four days after declaring on the paper’s front page that the Real Madrid man was “dead”.

It is enough to suggest that Spain’s biggest selling sports daily may have no real clue what it’s talking about. Fancy that.

Zaragoza, Almería

Very handy points away at Valencia and Atlético Madrid respectively, despite Zaragoza being hampered by the ludicrous sending off of Ander Herrera, a footballer who could barely bring himself to look at a goose, never mind say boo to one.

Meanwhile, a very decent looking Almería side were helped largely by a truly abysmal Rojiblanco performance in the Vicente Calderón.

Athletic Bilbao

Still to reach the lofty heights that LLL expected of them at the beginning of the season - fourth - but Athletic will still be fairly content with a 3-0 win over Getafe along with the fact that the side’s goals came from three players who did not have the name ‘Llorente’ on the shirt and an uncanny resemblance to Big Bird.

Deportivo

Three goals against Espanyol on Sunday from three set pieces with two defenders as scorers. Even when the Galician side win the word ‘grinding’ springs to mind.

Racing Santander’s Swedes

A monstrous meatball of a shot and two cracking corners from Kennedy along with a brace from Markus Rosenberg gave Racing Santander a 4-1 win over Osasuna to tweak the team’s nozzle a tad and ease the pressure on manager, Miguel Angel Portugal, to give him more of an Ikea how to move Racing away from the relegation zone.

Joseba Llorente

Two goals and an assist in two wins for Real Sociedad continues to show why the freebie acquisition of the forward from Villarreal could be the shrewdest signing of the season.

Bad Day

Cristiano Ronaldo

Only in the Bad Day section because LLL couldn’t possibly put the Real Madrid man anywhere else after sporting pink and polka-dot boots in the 3-1 win over Hércules.

And celebrating his first goal like a tool with the “hands up to ears, can’t-hear-you” gesture that is just soooo 2006.

And completely ignoring Karim Benzema in his initial celebrations for the second, the player who set his effort up on a plate.

No wonder the Real Madrid fans have yet to show him the love the same way that they have with Mesut Ozil and Angel di María. And no wonder that both AS and Marca are desperately trying to persuade them to do so, every single day of the week.

Villarreal

Sporting are a fairly feisty foe in their Gijón home, so a point for Villarreal is not a terrible result. But it is when you are trying to keep up with Real Madrid and Barcelona at the top of the table.

Valencia

Standby for more on the current malaise for the men for Mestalla in Tuesday’s LLL, but Saturday’s 1-1 draw saw a soporific performance from a side that have driven into a ditch with just one point in their last two home games, and have very little idea of how to get out of it.

“Our confidence is low” admitted Unai Emery, after the Zaragoza match.

Málaga

LLL’s continuing insistence that Málaga are actually a very decent side continues to sound flimsier than a Diego Costa penalty claim. The southern side’s 2-1 defeat to Real Sociedad sees Málaga with five defeats from five in la Rosaleda this season.

Atlético Madrid

Despite it being somewhat chilly at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday, LLL had its cockles warmed nicely by a throwback performance from Atlético Madrid to the pre trophy-winning, good old days - shambolic, lazy-ar*ed and feckless.

Grateful for their point against Almería, Atlético fans can now spend the week wondering if Luis Perea’s suspension for the clash against Real Madrid on Sunday is a positive or negative for the sixth-placed side.

Sevilla

In a story for another day and perhaps for the grand children, LLL was the wrong side or tipsy, dressed in fur and clutching an axe for much of Saturday’s Camp Nou clash, but it was still able to recall Sevilla having their Andalusian backsides to them by a truly brilliant Barcelona.

Javier Arizmendi

Due to vitally important blog business down at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday, LLL didn’t get to see Getafe’s inevitable 3-0 defeat to Athletic Bilbao. But it is quite sure that Arizmendi was wholly useless in the 25 minutes he played.

The Depor-Pitying Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 10:18:00 GMT

Saturday

Valencia (4th) v Zaragoza (20th)

Zaragoza got the teeniest of boosts during the week with a midweek win at Betis in the Copa del Rey.

But it looks set to be the Seville side that will eventually replace the Aragonese outfit when they are surely relegated at the end of the season. And that can only be a good thing, as Betis are currently going through one of their most manic of moments. And that‚s saying something with this particularly colourful club.

The southern side sit atop la Segunda with a two-point lead over Celta and Rayo - a remarkable feat considering the club is in legal limbo over its ownership, with a judge blocking Darth Manuel Ruiz de Lopera‚s sale to businessman Luis Oliver on the grounds that there is some confusion over whether Darth even owned the club in the first place.

This week, another step in the wacky world of Betis took place when builders came in to remove the words 'Estadio Manuel Ruiz de Lopera' from the Estadio Manuel Ruiz de Lopera after a recent members‚ vote decided to rename the Betis home the Benito Villamarín, the name of the former stadium that the current one is built on.

The administrators who currently run the club claimed that the poll was "a farce", whilst Luis Oliver, who is still trying to get possession of Betis, has to constantly deny the theory that he is actually the stooge of De Lopera who is potentially selling to himself shares that he never owned in the first place. Possibly.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Hércules (13th) v Real Madrid (1st)

Real Madrid really are a Primera packet of jammy dodgers going into this match. Hércules have beaten both Barcelona and Sevilla and given Villarreal a thorough going over during a 2-2 draw, so LLL would have expected quite a contest for Madrid on Saturday night.

The problem is that the Alicante outfit are facing Mourinho's men without the footballing genius of Castle Greyskull loanee Royston Drenthe, who has to sit out the game unless the home side cough up the clause of - (Dr Evil pose) - two million Euros!

"Maybe I could pay it?", pondered the winger this week to the press.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Barcelona (3rd) v Sevilla (6th)

The general bargaining approach from both Real Madrid and Barcelona over the share-out of a new TV deal with the rest of la Liga is "Here! Have some crumbs! Crumbs good!"

The current offer - which some sides have already gratefully grasped - sees the big two swiping 34% of the honey pot, Atlético and Valencia getting 11%, 46% going to the rest of the sides in la Primera and a whopping 9% to be shared out amongst the 22 sides in la Segunda.

This week, Sevilla president José María del Nido very publicly told both Barça and Madrid to shove their offer where the sun rarely shines, suggesting that they could "go play in the Portuguese or French league and we'll play a Liga of 18."

"It's crazy to think that in the Champions League, Barcelona and Copenhagen are paid the same and here Real Madrid and Racing have such different incomes," continued the Andalusian overlord, in a stance that has also been adopted by Villarreal, Espanyol and Athletic

"I'm disappointed that some club leaders aren't able to see the wood from the trees due to liquidity problems," sniffed del Nido on those sides who have kneeled before the Zod-like figures of Barça and Real Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Home win

SUNDAY

Sporting (15th) v Villarreal (2nd)

Although Villarreal have bottled going to the top of La Primera on seven occasions now, LLL has a tingly feeling that it could be eighth time lucky this weekend, what with Madrid set to drop points at Hércules having gone goalless at Mallorca, Levante and Murcia.

Trying to drag Villarreal into top spot is the tough, no nonsense, New York vice cop-esque Juan Carlos Garrido, who has been a Primera coach for just nine months now having managed Villarreal's cantera sides at pretty much every level of the game in Spain.

Speaking to El País this week, gaffer Garrido says that when he took over from the fired Ernesto Valverde last year he found "a team that had lost its sense of identity. Getting back this sense, these values, was hard work."

Villarreal are trying to go paunch to Primera paunch with Barcelona and Real Madrid, with a budget seven times smaller. What's more Villarreal, barely get a mention in the day-to-day dispatches of Spain's duopoly-dominated sporting press. "We don't have the media power of these great clubs," admits Garrido, "but we have the ability to play great football."

LLL Prediction - Away win

Racing (18th) v Osasuna (12th)

Racing Santander's 2-0 defeat at the hands of second division Córdoba completed a splendid week in the life of the Cantabrian club after last Saturday's 6-1 thrashing by Real Madrid.

However, Racing still have a chance to save their sorry skins in the second leg in a fortnight‚s time. Whether manager Miguel Angel Portugal will be there to see it is a different matter, as he could be toast if his team fails to beat Osasuna on Sunday afternoon.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (17th) v Real Sociedad (11th)

Considering that Málaga are loitering near the relegation zone with just two wins from eight and 19 goals conceded, LLL's contention that the side is actually one of the better ones in la Primera is getting harder to support that Maniche's mattress.

But the blog is going to be proved right on Sunday with Málaga set to chalk up four goals or more against Real Sociedad. Oh yes.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (19th) v Espanyol (5th)

Oh dear. LLL has suddenly started feeling quite sorry for Deportivo. And quite repentant about all the childish jokes about their games featuring less rampant scoring action than Casa Rooney.

After all, one goal from open play for in a stretch going back nine league games simply isn't funny. Sensitive-souled Depor coach Miguel Angel Lotina certainly doesn't think so. "I've spent two nights without sleeping for a second and yesterday I had to ask the club doctors for help," admitted Lotina after Monday's 3-0 defeat to Real Sociedad.

Although LLL would suggest Lotina tries counting not sheep but Riki's shots over the bar in his head, the blog would hope that Depor's 1-1 cup draw at Osasuna may help the red-eyed coach get 40 winks before Sunday's clash, despite him confessing that "if we'd have lost, I'd have committed suicide."

LLL Prediction - Goalless Draw

Atlético Madrid (8th) v Almería (16th)

Well. Atlético's midweek cup match against Universidad de Las Palmas in the Canary Islands went considerably better than the second division clash in 2000-01 - the one which ended in 2-1 defeat for the Rojiblancos and their then president Jesús Gil suggesting that the squad swim back.

Some nine years later, a Diego Forlán-free Atlético spanked Universidad 5-0 to make their second-leg tie in a fortnight a fairly easy affair for the Calderón club. The midweek clash also helpfully saw Quique Sánchez Flores serving his one-match suspension for Sunday's sending off against Villarreal.

Although the RFEF decision admitted that it wasn‚t entirely clear from the referee‚s report what Quique had done wrong during the clash, the governing body decided to punish him just for the hell of it anyway.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao (10th) v Getafe (7th)

Last weekend, Getafe's Ghanaian midfielder Derek Boateng scored his first-ever goal for the Coliseum club after a season and a bit in the Spanish capital. He also revealed what the first words in Spanish he ever learned were. "Son of a b*tch!‚ Manu del Moral told me this," announced Boateng proudly.
LLL Prediction - Home win

MONDAY

Mallorca (9th) v Levante (14th)

For this week at least, LLL's traditional trip to the cinema of a Monday night is back on. Oh yes, it is.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Is it the end for Benzema and Bojan?

Tim Stannard — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 14:36:00 GMT

In an ideal world, Barcelona-based Mundo Deportivo referring to Bojan Krkic as the “clone of David Villa” would have been praise enough to send the 12-year-old striker off to bed with his glass of warm milk a very happy bunny indeed.

Unfortunately, the paper was making a rare attempt at irony. Or perhaps flat-out sarcasm. In truth LLL has never really been able to tell the difference...

Despite Bojan captaining a mixture of ‘B’ teamers and Javier Mascherano in a 2-0 win away at Ceuta in the Copa del Rey, Bojan played like Villa is at the moment by blowing chance after chance.

But whilst his World Cup-winning team-mate has quite a track record behind him that demonstrates that the tiny-bearded one is merely going through a blip in form, Bojan’s inability to score against Barça’s third-tier opponents is further evidence that bowl-headed forward may not be able to cut the Catalan club’s mustard.

Although Pep’s Dream Boys always like to promote from within, the Barça boss can still be fairly ruthless if he doesn’t like the ‘cantera’ cut of anyone’s gib - just look at Giovani dos Santos’ career path. And LLL has felt that Bojan has been on the cusp of being kicked out for some time now with Guardiola pulling back from the brink due to a shortage up front (no size-ist pun intended).

In league 53 appearances for Barcelona under Pep’s reign, the 20-year-old has shown Arizmendi-esque form by chalking up just 10 goals. Bojan should have added two Copa strikes to that tally, on Tuesday night, instead it was Maxwell and Pedro who came through with a couple of first-half efforts.

The biggest bright side in the victory was that “Pep didn’t need to threaten his players with being blacklisted” noted Mundo Deportivo, having a chuckle at Real Madrid’s expense with José Mourinho’s men being held to a goalless draw in their own first leg cup clash against Murcia.

Despite the somewhat dramatic promise from the Madrid manager that any footballer who did not perform in the game would be dead to him, a pragmatic Mourinho said he was fairly pleased with his players' efforts and no-one’s neck would be on the chopping block. “I can’t say anything bad about my team,” said the coach protectively.

Marca disagree completely with Wednesday’s front cover declaring that Karim Benzema was “finished” at the club after being hauled off after 62 minutes having managed just one shot on target and an hour strolling around the pitch like he was mapping out a croquet course.

Mourinho had predicted that the Murcia match would be Benzema’s day but it clearly wasn’t the case. And this is just the beginning of the end for the Frenchman claims Roberto Gómez inside the paper, poo-pooing one of El Presidente’s super signings. “One of Florentino’s pearls proved that his future is far away from the Santiago Bernabeu.”

Whilst there can be no doubt over the talent that the Frenchman possesses, there continues to be no indication that Benzema is inclined to use it at Real Madrid, with the Frenchman still sleepwalking his way through the increasingly few chances he is being handed.

It is a different kettle of carp with Bojan who has all the will in the world to succeed at Barcelona but may not have the ability.

Both footballers had big chances to show what they could do against little teams, on Tuesday, but both blew it completely.

Barca face African adventure in the Cup

Tim Stannard — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:16:00 GMT

For those who have been reading La Liga Loca for a year or two now it’s probably best to rejoin today’s ramblings a couple of paragraphs further down. It’s Copa del Rey rant time again.

The Copa del Rey is the worst attempt at a competition since Maniche and James Beattie were the only two entrants in the ‘Best Salad Eater 2009’ jamboree. The whole fiasco is designed to clear out all the nasty, oinky, lower league riffraff as soon as possible to give as much chance to Spain’s Primera clubs to win it.

This week sees the start of the last 32 section of the annual fiasco, where the top-flight clubs join in the fun. And it is routinely rigged to such an extent that it would take an act of supreme idiocy and incompetence to get knocked out. So, take a bow Real Madrid who have fallen at this hurdle in the past two years against third tier clubs.

The cup format sees all those sides involved in Europe given a helping hand by being drawn against the weakest possible opponents, hence Barcelona taking on Ceuta and Atlético Madrid duking it out with Universidad Las Palmas. The ties are two-legged affairs to give as much chance to the bigger cheeses to correct any blunders made in the first game, which is always played at the smaller team’s ground.

Barcelona are getting most of their ‘B’ team’s mums to pack sandwiches and cartons of Kia-Ora for their precious little ones, as six kiddies form part the Pep’s Dream Boys squad which is heading to the African continent by plane and helicopter to play second division B, Group 4 giants, Ceuta, on Tuesday night.

Left behind in the Catalan capital are Valdés, Piqué, Busquets, Alves, Villa, Messi and Iniesta leaving opposition president, José Antonio Muñoz, somewhat peeved, especially as he has charged fans up to €140 to watch the game.

"Yes! We don't have to travel all the way to Africa again!"

“Everyone here would have loved to have seen Iniesta, Messi and Xavi and more sensitivity from Guardiola in this respect,” grumbled the big wig of Spain’s colonial throwback club.

Murcia’s bosses may well be feeling the opposite sensation as José Mourinho is taking Madrid’s Tuesday night cup clash very seriously indeed having threatened to put any player who does not perform on his black list. “They’ll be dead to me,” warned the Madrid manager. “If they don’t play well against Murcia then on Saturday, I’ll put Castilla players on the bench.”

The footballer most at danger for a season long spell on the naughty step is Karim Benzema with the Frenchman set to start against the Southern side and bang in some goals, but Pedro León is also in the high risk category.

Lassana Diarra pulled out of the trip with an injury that Mourinho doesn’t seem to believe for one millisecond meaning that his sale in January must be almost assured.

Atlético have warmed up for their trip to the Canaries for Wednesday’s game with talk in the press over what is excitedly being called ‘El Caso Forlán’ which saw the chest-flashing striker being left on the bench for last Sunday’s trip to Villarreal.

“Like all players, you can get tired sometimes,” soothed Tomás Ujfalusi, relieved that another footballing corpse was being pecked away by the press vultures rather than his own for once. “He’ll recover and is going to be a key player for the team as always.”

Monday night saw the final game of round 8 of la Primera. LLL cheekily predicted a 1-0 win for Real Sociedad over Deportivo with the away side barely having a shot on target. Instead it was a 3-0 win for Real Sociedad with the away side barely having a shot on target.

Miguel Angel Lotina’s men have scored just one goal from open play in eight games this season - at the Santiago Bernabeu, rather strangely - and look utterly doomed.

The club’s players also got to witness the greatest goal celebration that there’s ever been that has involved a car and French midfielder Antoine Griezmann, showing that an overexcited footballer can have the horn in more than just the traditional way.

La Liga Loca’s Good Day, Bad Day: Round 8

Tim Stannard — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 13:45:00 GMT

Good Day

Cristiano Ronaldo

Gah! Last week, LLL had to take one for the team, hold its nose tightly and admit that the self-loving sensation had had a fairly decent game for Madrid after two goals and two assists against Málaga.

Sadly for the mealy-mouthed and tremendously petty blog, the Portuguese pouter doubled his goal tally against a ludicrously bad Racing Santander on Saturday night in a 6-1 win for José Mourinho’s free-scoring men, meaning that LLL must admit that Ronaldo was ‘quite good’ against the crumbly-defensed Cantabrians.

“A bath and a shower in the Bernabeu,” claimed Sunday’s edition of AS either boasting of Madrid’s superiority or reporting on yet more supporter-pampering services at Castle Greyskull that LLL wasn’t aware of.

Leo Messi

“Cristiano is twice as good as Leo Messi in la Liga” is the message from Monday’s Marca, a paper which is still going against the official grain by awarding a deflected effort against Real Sociedad by Pepe to Ronaldo to give their Portuguese pet 10 league goals from 8.

However, despite this withering dismissal of the Argentinean marvel of Messi, little Leo is in some form at the moment, having grabbed two braces in a week. The first came against FC Copenhagen, the second three days later against Real Zaragoza - a match that featured the usual trait of Barcelona, these days, of domination without too much reward.

Villarreal

Unlike Michael Hutchence, there was no self-induced choking from Villarreal, on Sunday night, unlike the 2-2 draw against Hércules the previous Monday that could have moved the side to the top of the table had the clash been won.

As LLL will detail later, the 2-0 win against Atlético was not without controversy after a disallowed goal for the Rojiblancos and penalty appeals, but it was Villarreal who picked up three points to stay just one behind Real Madrid, but ahead of Barcelona on goal difference.

Michael Laudrup

If you are looking for a coach who is doing an awful lot with naff all, then Mallorca’s great Dane, Michael Laudrup, is the man for you. An impressive 2-1 win over Valencia in Mestalla moves the completely skint, in administration Balearic club into 9th in la Primera despite having scored just seven goals in eight.

Sevilla

Due to duties down at Getafe, LLL only caught the final twenty minutes of this furiously fun encounter between Sevilla and visiting Athletic Bilbao. At that point the Andalusian side were like a Spanish politician in Madrid’s Casa de Campo and comfortably cruising.

With Sevilla 3-0 up preparations began for LLL’s Sunday tea. But then Fernando Llorente pulled two goals back in the space of three minutes, before Sevilla were awarded a ridiculous penalty to bring the scores to 4-2. However, there was still time for one more goal from Athletic but it did not change the result of a home win for Sevilla and a burned rice pan for a distracted LLL.

Getafe

“Which Getafe will it be today?” pondered Sunday’s Marca ahead of Getafe’s visit of Sporting on the Coliseum club’s consistent inconsistency. As it happened, it was the happy, smiley winning face of the home side that was on display with a comfortable but fairly unremarkable 3-0 victory over Sporting.

The other news from the clash is that Getafe striker, Adrián Colunga, is still willing, hard-working, but ultimately as effective as Guti on University Challenge.

Osasuna

The club’s 90th birthday was celebrated with a 3-0 win over a worryingly poor Málaga. Good news for a fine club.

Espanyol

LLL warned those of a weak constitution that Espanyol would be making a bit of a charge into the top tier, this weekend. And so it came to pass with the Pericos beating Levante 2-1 to move into fifth. Yes. Fifth. Here’s Paul from Barcelona who was there to tell us how this craziness came to pass.

“Well, Espanyol continue the Mission Impossible. Not that the game was difficult but they are always only 10 seconds away from self-destruction.

What should have been a comfortable victory got nervy towards the end and try as they might Espanyol couldn't convert the three points into one. A fine goal by Datolo opened the scoring and it was all Espanyol first half. Second half and a sending off for Levante which was probably deserved.

It was a cynical tackle by Xisco Nadal. A straight red, I'm not so sure. Levante were miles better with ten men. Not saying a lot. I can't believe I'm typing this, but Valdo was looking dangerous.

Espanyol broke away and Callejon scored with his left foot, a shock to me as I hadn’t realized he had one. Levante scored about two minutes later and despite a few nervy moments and Alvaro missing a sitter, Espanyol held on.

Fifth in the League and playing well. The failure to kill off teams we are dominating will come back to haunt us. About 150 Levante fans and a bloke who looked like film director, Alex Cox, in front of me. I was going to try to put Repo Man references into the post but it was too difficult.”

Paul, Barcelona

José Ignacio Garrido and Tomás Calero

These are the names of the club doctors for Salamanca and Real Betis, who attended Sunday’s Segunda division clash expecting to do nothing more that a fix up the odd knacked knee. Instead, the pair ended up saving someone’s life.

61 minutes into Betis’ visit at Salamanca, home side midfielder, Miguel García, suddenly collapsed near the centre circle. Seconds later, both doctors were by the player’s side along with a Red Cross team. Finding that the player’s heart had stopped, they resorted to the use of a defibrillator to save García’s save.

Hopefully, the Salamanca man will make a full recovery, although his future in the game clearly remains in doubt. But at least he is still with us, thanks to two heroes on the football pitch - a phrase that, for once, is being used in its most literal sense.

Bad Day

Racing Santander

“Playing ugly” as the manager promised and with a five man defense didn’t get Racing very far at all on Saturday night, with Real Madrid 3-0 up after 26 minutes.

Although the 6-1 defeat drops Racing into the relegation zone, it is worth noting that the Cantabrian club has had to play Barcelona, Valencia, Villarreal, Sevilla and Real Madrid in their first eight games this season.

So this is why Racing striker, Markus Rosenberg, was not too down in the dumps when he spoke to LLL after the match. “We are coming into a phase now when we should pick up more points,” was the hope from the Swedish striker as he looked to upcoming clashes against Osasuna, Real Sociedad and Espanyol for his side.

Quique Sánchez Flores

As to be expected from a man who looks half flamenco singer / half bull-fighter, Atlético boss, Quique Sánchez Flores, has a fiery Spanish temper indeed on him. It lead to him being sent off at half-time on Sunday in the 2-0 defeat against Villarreal after apparently approaching the referee in the tunnel to complain about an incorrectly disallowed goal and some iffy penalty decisions.

The referee’s report then claims that Quique got into a bit of a bust-up with Villarreal’s match delegate who shouted “it’s always the same with you, everything is a scandal, you’re more like the fifth official.”

Quique denies the charges but admitted that he was more than miffed after the encounter. “It’s one of those days that, as a coach, you lose the will to manage.”

Valencia

Eight changes from the draw against Rangers on Wednesday, did not add freshness to the side as Unai Emery intended. Instead it lead to lethargy and no little confusion, claimed the ever-honest Valencia boss who wasn't helped by Mallorca being awarded a very soft penalty after just six minutes.

“The manager made mistakes in the first half, and in the second,” admitted Emery.

Sporting

A bit rubbish against Getafe with coach, Manuel Preciado, very upset indeed with his side after the game. Sporting have picked up just one point on their travels this season, and that is clearly irking the moustache-clad managerial master.

Deportivo

A 1-0 defeat for Deportivo against Real Sociedad with barely a shot on goal sees Miguel Angel Lotina’s men still in the relegation zone and still without a win.

Ok, technically the game does not kick off until 9 o’clock on Monday, but the blog always likes to bring its readers the news before it actually happens.

The ball-touching La Liga predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 12:34:00 GMT

Saturday

Real Zaragoza (20th) v Barcelona (4th)

There’s trouble at mill at bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza, with shirty Italian defender Matteo Contini getting chucked out of training on Wednesday for being all Benzema with his enthusiasm for training. José Aurelio Gay is still in charge of the team - just - and sent him home with no tea after firing a number of warning shots over his defensive bow in regards to his half-hearted ways.

“When there are attitudes that don’t correspond to the values of the Real Zaragoza shirt, they're out of here. You have to work hard. If you don't then there’s no place for you in the team,” stropped assistant boss, Nayim-from-the-halfway-line.

“We need everyone, but we need the best Contini,” assured Nayim, who said that he hoped the Italian had gone home to have a long, hard think about what he had done.

LLL Prediction – Away win

Real Madrid (1st) v Racing Santander (16th)

Tired of flippin’, fussy footballers moaning about lacking loot? Then here’s a toe-tingling and uncharacteristically fluffy story for you from LLL in regards to Real Madrid’s Esteban Granero.

Not needed that much these days by José Mourinho, aside from the odd outing when the team is 2-0 up with ten minutes to go, the midfielder has turned to charidee to pass the time.

Granero has set up a football academy in Madrid for children, “Los Piratas de Granero”, named after his moniker as “The Pirate” - the Real Madrid man sports a 2007 Kings of Leon look, which is rare for a footballer in Spain.

“It upsets me when a kid who has talent can’t develop because of economic limitations. It seems unfair, so I’m trying to lend them a hand using my privileged position,” said Granero before going off to find out what Wayne Rooney would charge for a visit.

LLL Prediction – Home win

Valencia (3rd) v Mallorca (11th)

With Chori Domínguez being largely quite rubbish, Roberto Soldado wholly unreliable and Aritz Aduriz sort of ok from time-to-time, AS are reporting that the club are after another striker in January - especially considering that the men from Mestalla relied on an own goal from Edu for their rather fortunate point in Ibrox on Wednesday night.

The slight sticking point in the club’s cunning plan is that Valencia’s lack of resources means that a striker who can score as many goals as David Villa but who is completely free are the main requirements. Good luck with that.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sunday

Getafe (9th) v Sporting (12th)

Friday’s Marca is very excited indeed in reporting the lead story news that José Mourinho gathers all his players and staff into a big circle in the dressing room ahead of every game. “Not even the studs on the floor can be heard,” pants the paper getting into a bit of hot-flushed tizz.

It’s the kind of girlie nonsense that you wouldn’t see the greatest manager in the top flight engaging in. Sporting’s Manuel Preciado is now celebrating becoming the longest serving manager in the club’s history having taken over the Gíjon club in 2006 and lead them out of la Segunda armed with nothing more than a billion cigarettes, a splendid moustache, a rather graphic use of the language and limitless enthusiasm.

Preciado is also the longest serving manager in La Primera at the moment. All without the resorting to ‘circles of trust’, no doubt.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Almería (17th) v Hércules (10th)

The only reason why Almería were not spanked 12-0 rather than by the single effort by Racing, last weekend, was due to a stunning goalkeeping shift put in by Diego Alves who registered 15 saves.

Although the Racing strikers being blooming hopeless may have been a factor, too. However, the game still ended in a home defeat for the Brazilian, but it could have been a lot worse as he nearly lost his lucky mascot.

Well. Rather than a mascot, it is a sort of small, silver representation of the Virgin of Our…er…Lady…Appeared…or something like that anyway. Diego Alves was leaving the pitch and accidentally dropped the object on the pitch.

Whilst fearing it had been lost forever, a police officer came to the dressing room and reunited the goalkeeper with his charm. “It is always with me, I feel good with it,” confessed – no pun intended – the main man of Almería.

LLL Prediction – Home win

Osasuna (18th) v Málaga (14th)

With the Pamplona side having largely been pretty pants for much of the start of the season, local Osasuna nut-job, Walter Pandiani, has issued a rallying call - he doesn’t really do any other kind - that everyone at the club is giving their all.

“We all want to move forward,” promised the striker, “there’s no-one here standing around touching their balls. In every training session the gaffer is fixing mistakes, shouting...no-one can have a pop at the technical team in their job.”

However, this call to arms won’t do any good with the mighty Málaga set to start their top six charge in Navarre.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (6th) v Levante (13th)

As has already been mentioned by LLL, the notion of Espanyol being in sixth is a complete mystery to both the blog and at least one of the club’s fans. Facing Levante at home on Sunday, where the Pericos have won three from three this season, may even push Espanyol further up the table.

However, the Catalan club are going into the game without striker, Osvaldo, as he reacted rather badly to what was admittedly a soft sending off against Mallorca, last week, by having barneys with both the referee and Mallorca match delegate before storming off the pitch.

In fact, Espanyol are going to be without the fiery forward for three games after suggesting that the ref was “a disaster”. “His attitude cannot be justified but a three game penalty does seem excessive,” complained Espanyol coach, Mauricio Pochettino.

LLL Prediction – Home win

Sevilla (7th) v Athletic Bilbao (8th)

For those who still have some lingering sympathy for Mallorca being thrown out of the Europa League by UEFA for falling into administration, then please shred that last remnant of pity and blast it into space.

Athletic Bilbao president, Fernando García Macua, has revealed that the Balearic club still haven’t finished paying for the striker since he moved from San Mamés in the summer of 2008 even though he has subsequently jumped ship to Valencia.

The Bilbao big wig claims that Athletic have received around €4m over the past couple of years for the striker but are still trying to squeeze €2.5m more out of Mallorca’s hands. LLL suspects the Basque club will be waiting a long time.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Villarreal (2nd) v Atlético Madrid (5th)

Marca have celebrated – if that is the appropriate word – the anniversary of the sacking of Abel Resino from the Vicente Calderón, an event that triggered the appointment of Quique Sánchez-Flores and the Rojiblancos actually winning something, by catching up with the grumpy-faced former goalie.

LLL’s spies tell the blog that Resino has been looking for a job in England and he has revealed himself that he has been camped there for the last year or so. And he has some tall tales to tell about what he found. “At Bolton, for example, I saw how the team was losing and the fans kept on cheering.”

Resino claims that Atleti were just about to turn a corner before he was booted out the door in 2009 but that his former bosses to were too fast to fire him. “We have to change our philosophy in Spain…you get bad results and the coach also has to pay for them.”

LLL Prediction – Home win

Monday

Real Sociedad (15th) v Deportivo (19th)

LLL normally looks forward to the Monday night games, as they have been a bit special so far this season. This won’t be the case, this week, with Deportivo stinking up the screens whilst looking for their fourth goalless draw of the current campaign.

LLL Prediction – Goalless draw

Real looking pimpish while Barca go to war

Tim Stannard — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 13:40:00 GMT

It was the toughest of tests on Tuesday night at the Santiago Bernabeu, but it was a thorough examination that was ultimately passed with aplomb. The final verdict from La Liga Loca was that the evening was a 100% success in every possible aspect. “Effective, comfortable, solid, value for money as well as being wonderfully furry and ever so slightly pimpish” read the official report.

But that’s enough about the first outing of LLL’s new winter coat...

Real Madrid’s Champions League clash with AC Milan was a 2-0 victory for the home side thanks to two deflected goals, thus defeating Italian opposition who conceded a good 50 metres of the pitch to Madrid whilst treating the game as “a friendly” as their boss Massimiliano Allegri huffed after the match.

Nevertheless, that was good enough for Marca whose editorial on Wednesday firmly believes that Mourinho’s men are on the path to glory. “They’ve beaten small, medium and big rivals,” purrs the paper, “home and away.”

It’s Barcelona’s turn to twinkle on Wednesday with Pep Guardiola thanking every star in the sky that attentions at the Catalan club may finally turn to football after a week of off-the-field nonsense which has swung periodically from pathetic to entertaining and back to pathetic again.

The short version of what has been going on at Barça - which really is more than just a club at the moment - is that current president, Sandro Rosell, and his board are accusing the previous regime lead by Joan Laporta of playing rather fast and loose with the expense account during their reign, leaving the club with a debt of €430m and a loss last season of €79m.

A ballot then took place at an AGM on Saturday - which Rosell abstained from - that narrowly voted to begin legal action against Laporta and members of his board to try and get some of the allegedly frittered away funds back.

Laporta responded to the accusations on Monday with a two-and-a-half-hour press conference where he accused Rosell of embarking on a personal crusade to ruin the King of Cataluyna’s life. “It’s designed to keep me under suspicion for a while and I believe it will affect my political career and ruin me personally and professionally.”

The official response from Laporta’s posse is that the accounts reported by Rosell are completely different to the ones he submitted and until he is given a copy of what is being called the “due diligence” exercise, he can’t really respond any further. Which sounds fairly reasonable.

Guardiola has grinned through gritted teeth that none of this matters to his Dream Boys and he may be quite right as most footballers are generally quite content with their lot as long as there is money in their bank accounts and plenty of fresh tail to chase.

“None of this affects the players as I am in charge there,” said Pep proudly. Guardiola also responded to criticism in the press from Zlatan Ibrahimovic that he doesn’t know how to manage 22 different personalities. “I’ll learn” he promised the Swedish striker.

Leo Messi has admitted that the Barça squad is a tad tired but that is not expected to have too much of an impact in Wednesday night’s match against FC Copenhagen although opposition coach, Stale Solbakken, claims that he fancies his chances in the Camp Nou if one name in particular is missing from the team sheet.

“If Xavi doesn’t play then Barça have no chance against our team,” announced the Norwegian coach, showing that it’s not just AHA’s back catalogue that proves that his country has a rich comedy tradition.

All of the lovingly-held images of Scottish football get their second airing of the week after last week’s international tie in Glasgow.

Valencia are in action against Rangers in Ibrox with AS smelling thistle and chip fat in the air and reeling off clichés like ‘high balls’, ‘granite’ and ‘physical battles’ in their pre-match preview.

Mestalla-men manager, Unai Emery, is certainly expecting a fun night with a prediction that Rangers will start with five defenders and two ‘pivots’ in front of them. Nevertheless, the Valencia boss says his team are in Scotland “to win” and will be frightening the locals with his own girder-chomping, Donald-where’s-yer-trousers!-bellowing hard man footballer, Aritz Aduriz.

Real Madrid picked up the first win for Spanish sides in the Champions League this week and LLL expects both Barcelona and Valencia to manage two more on Wednesday night.

Jose the bull and Pellegrini the cow

Tim Stannard — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 14:03:00 GMT

Although Florentino Pérez couldn’t wait to sling Manuel Pellegrini’s hook as soon as he began his tenure at Castle Greyskull - mainly because he failed to either look or sound like Arsene Wenger or Rafa Benitez - the Real Madrid big cheese must have appreciated Pellegrini’s tender approach to dealing with the press, his own players and, most importantly of all, opposition managers.

Whilst José Mourinho is proving himself to be a snarling, sneering bull in a dynamite shop, Pellegrini faced all his media commitments with the docile expression of a cow contemplating the mechanics of an iPad.

Last season, only a newspaper minion with a tape recorder would go along to the Chilean’s chats with journalists - sometimes just the recorder went, come to think of it - because everyone knew that Pellegrini was diplomatic, honourable and generous with his thoughts.

All this added up to the Madrid manager being considered insufferably dull by the Spanish football press and as much use for a good quote as Guti discussing Goethe.

Pellegrini: less of a 'character' than Mourinho...

To be fair, Mourinho was doing reasonably well in managing not to upset anyone in Monday afternoon’s press conference by playing down the following day’s 'Meelan' match-up by shrugging “win or lose, Wednesday will still be the next day.”

But then, in a subsequent interview with Spanish TV channel TVE, the Madrid manager continued a spiky, Serie A-inspired spat with opposition coach Massimiliano Allegri which dates back to the Milan boss’ previous spell as Cagliari manager.

“What rivalry can there be between a double Champion of Europe and a coach playing his third Champions League game?” scoffed Mourinho modestly. If it is possible to scoff modestly, that is.

This is just one tasty morsel of ‘morbo’ surrounding the Champions League clash. Mourinho doesn’t just have ‘previous’ with Allegri but also with the referee, Pedro Proença, who sent the Madrid coach off three times whilst he was knee-high to Xavi and managing in the Portuguese league. And then there’s the figures of Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Ronaldinho and Robinho to be thrown into the mix too.

Although the three points are not that vital to either side, the match is a more useful gauge to check on the progression of Mourinho’s Madrid than the recent thrashings of Málaga and Deportivo. Especially Deportivo.

It will be an especially big test for the back four - with Alvaro Arbeloa taking the place of the injured Sergio Ramos - although Paolo Maldini can already see an improvement in a notoriously shaky area for Madrid. However, the former Milan man says that they still have some way to go before reaching the heights of his defending heyday.

“If Tassotti, Baresi, Costacurta and myself went for a coffee today, we’d all go in a line, guarding the space without thinking about it,” said the dreamy defender warning Marca readers never to go to Starbucks at the same time as himself and his buddies.

Real Madrid are going into Tuesday’s clash in top spot in their Champions League group and in la Primera too after Villarreal’s failure to beat Hércules on Monday night in a brilliant 2-2 game where not even the general idiocy of the referee could ruin it. Well. Maybe he did just a little bit.

Realising that the players, crowd and viewers at home were thoroughly enjoying an open, end-to-end encounter, Muñiz Fernández then managed the match like you’d expect anyone sporting half of ton of hair gel and with zero communication skills - appallingly. Hence the man-in-the-middle decided to send off three players and ponce about the pitch flashing his cards like a bit of a t*t.

“The referees are a lot calmer (in England),” noted former West Brom midfielder Borja Valero after the game, one of the trio to see red. “To get sent off there you have to have committed a serious foul or tried to.”

Villarreal proved that they didn’t quite have the bottle to knock Real Madrid off their perch in Spain, on Monday night. Time will tell whether Milan manage it in the Champions League on Tuesday.

Good Day, Bad Day - Round 7

Tim Stannard — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 13:43:00 GMT

The best and worst of the weekend's Spanish football, in handy tapas-sized dishes...

GOOD DAY

Cristiano Ronaldo
It causes LLL immense mental and physical anguish to do so, but the blog must admit that the shiny-faced, stupid-haired Portuguese ponce put in a fairly decent performance against Málaga. Perhaps his best of the season. Ugh!

Marca’s luscious lust figure scored two goals and popped up with two assists for Gonzalo Higuaín, whose own brace in La Rosaleda might for once see his critics off his back.

Monday’s edition of Marca is certainly over-stimulated after 10 goals scored against Deportivo and Málaga sees figures “that are not just those of the league leaders, but of a team that in less than two months have become a solid block that dominates every facet of the game.”

€300m spent to become a “solid block”. Someone at the paper’s editorial department will find a nice, empty desk by the end of the day.

Jesualdo Ferreira
The unsmiling Málaga manager gets a pat on the back not only for giving it a bit of a go against Real Madrid on Saturday night to help make it an enthralling encounter, but also for refusing to answer any questions from journalists from Marca because of the paper’s stirring over the ‘donkey’ comments from José Mourinho made in Portuguese paper Récord back in 2005.

In return the paper has grumbled amusingly about the notion of freedom of speech and in Monday’s top 10 of the weekend, Marca lambasts zero-point Ferreira’s “absurd posture”. “It seems that the Portuguese coach of Málaga wants to control what the media publishes.”

Quite right. After all, controlling the media is the job of Marca’s editors - editors who recently manipulated photographs to make it appear that Pep Guardiola was reluctant to shake the hand of José Mourinho at a manager’s meeting and stuck the subsequent story on their front cover.

Xavi Hernández
The Barça midfielder is still complaining that his tendons are giving him some gyp, but they did not prevent him from pushing Pep’s Dream Boys to a 2-1 win over Valencia with two wonderful assists for Andrés Iniesta and Carles Puyol.

However, that victory over the then league leaders was quickly overshadowed by what is set to be a fantastically vicious civil war between the current Barcelona board and the previous regime over the economic management of the club under the rule of former King of Catalunya, Joan Laporta - a civil war that will be covered in great, delicious detail in La Liga Loca.

César Sánchez
The 39-year-old Valencia keeper may have been on the wrong side of the 2-1 scoreline, but after some cracking saves in the Camp Nou, César is still the blog’s “player of the season so far based on a whim and with no real evidence to support it”.

Levante
After conceding 10 goals in their opening three games - all defeats - Levante have changed their keeper, got the back line defending a little deeper and have now gone four games without defeat - a run that has been topped off by a 2-1 win over Real Sociedad.

“If we carry on like this, then we’ll definitely stay up,” claimed the scorer of Sunday’s opener, Asier del Horno.

Diego Costa
A match starting without Diego Forlán and Kun Agüero normally makes Atlético fans a tad nervous. In recent seasons the Rojiblancos have struggled with ‘third striker syndrome’, the likes of Mista and Florent Sinama-Pongolle failing to fulfill the role in spectacular fashion.

However, upon returning to the Calderón Diego Costa has now scored in Atleti’s last three league games - the third of these strikes coming in the 2-0 win over Getafe on Saturday evening.

Racing Santander
Although the Cantabrian side may be in 16th with just two wins and four goals, Racing have actually been playing some purty, purty football this season. The problem is that the striking duo of Markus Rosenberg and Ariel Nahuelpan have consistently had ‘mares in front of goal.

However, the 1-0 win over Almería owed a lot to the impressive performance of opposition goalkeeper Diego Alves, not to mention the struggling front men producing more misses than that Chilean miner.

Sporting
A mind-popping performance from both the Sporting players and support blew Sevilla away on Sunday night in a 2-0 victory which produced a couple of sizzlers from Gastón Sangoy and Diego Castro.

Espanyol
For a first away goal and a first away win against Mallorca, Espanyol should be applauded a little bit more enthusiastically. But it came via a theatrical box tumble from Luis García - a tumble that the Espanyol striker then turned into a successfully converted penalty.

Espanyol are sixth, and LLL is not entirely sure how.

BAD DAY

Deportivo, Osasuna
In another brilliant insight, this blog predicted a 0-0 between these two teams and so it came to pass. However, it seems that the tie was perhaps not as dull as it was thinking, with only Osasuna keeper Ricardo preventing what would have been 1-0 goalfest for Deportivo.

Real Zaragoza
It may have been a defeat for Zaragoza, a club that it is still without a win this season, but LLL could just... just... just... see some signs of a recovery for the Aragonese outfit in the 2-1 loss at Athletic.

Almería
It seems that coach Juanma Lillo is set to spend the season just one bad result from the sack. So after the loss at Racing Santander, that’s where he is at the moment.

Ibai
The Athletic youngster came on for his debut against Zaragoza in the second half of the 2-1 win over Zaragoza - but the midfielder was taken off just three minutes later after falling awkwardly.

Adrián Colunga
The Getafe forward is sort of supposed to be the replacement for Roberto Soldado this season. And although the former Recreativo man runs about in an impressively enthusiastic fashion and appears to have won over the Coliseum crowd, you suspect that he isn't going to cut the Primera mustard this season.

And don’t get LLL started on Manu del Moral - one good game in about 10. But that’s still better than Juan Albín...

The Value-Sharing Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 10:07:00 GMT

Our man in Spain gives us his views on the upcoming weekend's action in la Liga...

Saturday

Atlético Madrid (7th) v Getafe (6th)

It’s been a strange couple of weeks for Diego Forlán, which began with his apparent confession in English to the international press that “if I have the chance to go (to England), I will go.” This was quickly backtracked to death with the normal excuse of mistranslation squeaked out in situations such as this in which a footballer accidentally tells the truth.

Forlán then followed the route of another footballing favourite, visa issues, which saw him joining up with the Uruguay national side a day late for their friendly against China in Wuhan where he eventually played for an hour. It was match that Quique Sánchez Flores suggested that his striker should have asked his international bosses to miss.

But, it would seem that the fantastic forward chose not to, so both stories have left the impression that Forlán is not exactly 100% committed to his club - an impression that isn’t entirely new writes Alberto Polo in last Saturday’s Marca.

“The coldness of the Uruguayan and the passion of the Atleti fans provoke a strange cocktail, that’s sometimes explosive.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (4th) v Valencia (1st)

Once again, Barcelona showed that they really are ‘more than a club’ with the continuation of the wonderfully entertaining presidential pillow fight between Sandro Rosell and former chieftain Joan ‘Joan’ Laporta.

It began when the newbie big cheese Rosell went all with the David Cameron and claimed that his predecessor had left the club without a pot to pee in and that some tough decisions were going to have to be made. Like the purchase of Javier Mascherano.

Laporta had held his silence over the summer - an enormous achievement for a gentleman deeply in love with the sound of his own voice - but held a press conference on Thursday where he wittered on for a good three hours about being defamed and smeared by Rosell and his usual bugbear of “the Spanish media cavern.”

“A sad spectacle” was the depressed view of Josep María Casanovas in Sport on the whole stag-rutting affair.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Málaga (10th) v Real Madrid (3rd)

Fight! Fight! Time to gather round and enjoy a bit of Portuguese payback as Málaga manager, Jesualdo Ferreira and José Mourinho finally come face-to-face some five years after the latter referred to the former as being a bit of an ass.

Writing in a weekly supplement in 2005 for Portuguese paper, Record, Mourinho continued a spat between the pair that was opened when he turned down the chance to have Ferreira as his number two at Benfica by opining that “there’s one coach with a 30 year career and another with three. The one with 30 years has won nothing. The one with three years has won a lot....this could be the story of a donkey that has worked for 30 years but never become a horse.”

Mourinho has added this week that relations between the feuding duo are now ‘optimal’ and that he considers the opposition manager for Saturday to be a friend.

LLL Prediction - Draw (2-2 to be precise).

Sunday

Racing (18th) v Almería (14th)

And who says sarcasm is hard to come by in Spain? Racing Santander are doing the Snoopy dance of joy blasts Friday’s Marca because their local council has tarted up the Fuente Del Cacho, a celebration point for the Cantabrian side - a celebration point that has only really been used once in the last hundred years when Racing came in 6th in 2008.

But the fountain getting a lick of paint means that “the Cantabrian supporters will have a place to gather and sing about the successes of the team” says a possibly-taking-the pee Marca.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Deportivo (20th) v Osasuna (15th)

A morale-boosting goal from Juan Rodríguez in last round’s 6-1 defeat against Real Madrid has ignited the embers at bottom-of-the-table Deportivo. Miguel Angel Lotina is certainly showing some fighting spirit with his declaration that being in last place, without a win, and below Levante isn’t a big issue at all really.

“The league table position isn’t bad,” claimed the Deportivo boss before quickly changing his mind. “It’s bad, but if we win our next match we are practically sure of moving out of the relegation zone.”

LLL Prediction - Goalless Draw

Levante (17th) v Real Sociedad (13th)

There’s a number of easily obtainable facts about Real Sociedad coach, Martin Lasarte. He’s from Uruguay and once played for Deportivo many moons ago. However what millions of la Liga fans have always wanted to know but never been able to discover about Lasarte is what he is like at horizontal jogging...bedroom gymnastics...making the beast with two backs. Until now that is.

In an interview with Marca that somehow manages to avoid the topic of the greatness of both Cristiano Ronaldo and José Mourinho, Lasarte reveals that he is a back-to-basics kind of guy in the sack. “When it comes to sex, I’m very traditional,” admits the San Sebastian sausage-smuggler. “I’m traditional in everything. A friend says that I should have been born in the era of tango.”

LLL now challenges a member of the British press corps to put the same poser to Big Sam. Or perhaps not.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Mallorca (9th) v Espanyol (8th)

With the good ship Mallorca in administration and therefore not the best of financial health, the last thing the club needs is yet another swordfish poking more holes in their already leaking hull.

But this is happening with a reported legal demand from former boss, Gregorio Manzano, which claims that both he and his coaching team are still owed €2.2m in salaries and bonuses.

To demonstrate exactly the calibre of person who got Mallorca into their current mess, former club president, Mateo Alemany stepped up this weekend and responded to Manzano’s challenge with dignity and maturity. Sort of.

“Gregorio Manzano has got selective Alzheimer’s,” said Alemany with sensitivity to those currently suffering from the horrible condition. He then went onto to argue that should the club be forced to pay out the €2.2m - meaning that Manzano is legally entitled to it - then it could lead to the dissolution of Mallorca. “This club helped him move to Sevilla and now Mallorca are in administration.”

Whilst only half-heartedly blaming Manzano for the economic ills at the club, Alemany then went to the whole hog and dumped all the blame on the former boss who lead them to fifth last season. “He has the moral responsibility because he asked for players and bonuses.”

“In respect for those suffering from (Alzheimer’s) and their families, I make no comment,” was Manzano’s more dignified riposte to Alemany.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic (11th) v Real Zaragoza (19th)

As La Liga is basically defined by Barcelona and Real Madrid, poor Athletic Bilbao forward, Fernando Llorente, has been tormented by questions from the media all week of which of the two clubs he would join if they both made bids for him. And were the bids to be accepted. And were he of a mind to leave Athletic, anyway.

LLL suspects that Llorente might well conjure a hamstring injury next time Spain duty comes around just for a return to the quiet life.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (16th) v Sevilla (5th)

In a curious move that could only really happen in Andalusia, Sevilla president José Maria del Nido and Luis Fabiano made a much-publicised trip to visit some youngsters in a local city school on Wednesday to share their values with the wee kiddies.

At this point the blog would like to note Del Nido is currently one of the many accused in the dock in Spain’s largest ever corruption trial whilst the oh-so-committed Luis Fabiano once again appears to be whining about his lot despite having only just signed a new contract with his club to 2013. “Being on the bench is not good for me or Sevilla,” he grumbled.

Heaven help the youth of Seville.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Monday

Hércules (12th) v Villarreal (2nd)

Normally, finding land, getting it ‘hastily’ reclassified and building stuff on it isn’t a problem on the Spanish Costas if you know the right people. Until the police in Madrid find out a few years later and arrest everyone for fraud, embezzlement, ripping off tax-payers and falsifying documents, which is exactly what happened in Marbella.

So it is puzzling to discover that the Hércules players currently have to travel up to 300km a week to find somewhere to practice as they do not have their own training centre and do not want to overuse their stadium's pitch.

It seems that there is a dearth of good pitches in the Alicante area meaning that the squad have tried out four different ones, Goldilocks-style, before settling on a spot some 50km away.

“You can’t imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitches,” confessed Hércules coach, Esteban Vigo.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Why match-fixing could liven up La Liga

Tim Stannard — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 08:40:00 GMT

If a former English FA bigwig had revealed he had been repeatedly contacted over allegations of match-fixing in the Championship, but with no resulting action taken, then the national press would have leapt up and down on the story in bullish delight. And then blamed Fabio Capello for the whole affair.

This is largely what has happened in Spain, this week. Aside from the all-important part about the press giving a flying fig. And the Fabio Capello bit.

Instead, the Spanish papers have chosen to largely ignore some alarming news concerning match-rigging that broke this week, preferring the less taxing task of debating which of David Villa and Fernando Llorente was the real heroe of Tuesday’s win over Scotland.

Last Thursday, the Spanish League’s Social Discipline Commission announced it was closing an appeal from Cádiz and Betis asking the governing body to act on allegations of match-fixing leveled against Hércules. In doing so it followed a path taken by the Spanish FA’s Appeal’s Committee which had also rejected the case of the two clubs.

These were allegations that broke in August and came from recorded phone conversations from Hércules owner, Enrique Ortiz - under official investigation for another non-footballing affair - suggesting that the Alicante side’s ascent from la Segunda, last season, may have been assisted somewhat by buying off opposition players.

The two clubs appealing to the League were the ones who could have benefited from any subsequent punishment handed out to Hércules if the promotion and relegation issues of last season were reversed.

However, after what appears to be a half-hearted poke of an investigation involving speaking to some of those named in the transcripts of the leaked taped conversations, the League has said there is no case to answer and packed up and went home, despite the remarkable testimony of one of its former Vice-Presidents, Javier Tebas.

In a written declaration to the Commission - parts of which were reprinted in Tuesday’s edition of Marca - Javier Tebas revealed that he had personally had “a number of conversations during 2009/10 with a number of clubs and sporting institutions of the Liga Adelante (second division) and the Spanish Footballers Association relating to the existence of contacts with people who were acting on behalf of, or in the interests of the Hércules group, along with players from other team with the objective of predetermining the result of the games of said team.”

Tebas was therefore surprised to hear the news that the latest case involving Hércules had been so readily passed over, claim Marca who spoke to the former league chief.

I still remember when some presidents called me scandalised about having received proposals to change results,” recalled Tebar. “But, when it comes down to it, when they have resolved their problem, they lose their memory. In the end, the investigations are ‘light’, knowing no-one wants a conclusion to be reached, so they are run in this manner.”

Although the 13-page report delivered by the Commission acknowledged that all match-fixing allegations continue to harm the integrity of the Spanish game, the decision to close this particular case combined with the damning indictment from Tebar suggests that there is no great desire to do take any action when evidence does come their way.

So this got LLL considering a better use of the Commission’s time in future. Perhaps its members could cut out the pretense of fair play in the lower leagues and reveal the results of each of the games in the second division, for example, every weekend with a pithy cinema-style review to help the blog decide whether to watch them or not?

For instance “Betis 2-2 Celta Vigo - a must see. Gripping action and a shocking twist at the end.” Or “Rayo Vallecano 0-0 Xerez. Don’t be put off by the scoreline. One for the purists."

At least it would finally see the League’s big wigs doing something of some value for supporters...

Will there be a tug-of-war for Llorente?

Tim Stannard — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 11:36:00 GMT

Nine days without any fresh, meaty action in La Liga to feast on sees Spain’s sports dailies moaning and groaning like skeletal zombies who have not been able to nosh down on tasty human flesh for a good six months.

Although Spain’s upcoming clash against 4-6-0 Scotland acts as a temporary distraction, it is the ins and outs of club football that really make the papers moist.

In the Catalan capital, Barça-brained Sport are speculating what Pep will be asking for in the summer of 2011 - aside from hair plugs - making the assumption that the Dream Boys coach will be signing on for another year of Camp Nou craziness, along the way.

Sport’s front cover on Tuesday claims David Silva will be boosting the club’s ranks of diminutive, tricksy, slightly weedy front men into triple figures, in case an attack of the vapours hits the dressing room, perhaps. However, the manliness quota will be kept up with the addition of Fernando Llorente and (drum roll/scream of hair-pulling desperation) Cesc Fabregas.

If Sport are even vaguely correct - which they won’t be - then Athletic Bilbao striker Llorente will be caught in a tug of love which is set to delight the bean counters at his Basque club, with AS claiming Real Madrid will be making a bid for the big man’s goal scoring services.

Ramos calls first dibs on Llorente on Real's behalf...

This story has suddenly been resurrected due to Llorente’s brace for Spain against Lithuania and a change in the law in La Liga which sees a end to the ruling that any player who had played more than five games for club A could not move to club B in the same division in the same season.

The Llorente speculation has also increased a tad because of the ‘flavour of the month’ principle in the Spanish sporting press that sees any player who has had a couple of good games linked with either Real Madrid or Barcelona before being quietly forgotten about after a duff month or two.

This is why Marca have had a nose at la Primera’s top scorers chart and noticed that a mysterious fella called Nilmar is at number one with five goals from six games. Whilst first checking that this isn’t some kind of misprint of Cristiano Ronaldo, Marca have splashed across Tuesday's front page the prediction that Real Madrid will nuzzle up to the Villarreal forward and leave him their number, next summer.

There may well be space in Real Madrid’s front line to squeeze in the Brazilian striker, opine Mundo Deportivo, as the Catalan paper is musing that Kaká will be making his way to AC Milan in the winter. Meanwhile the notion of Karim Benzema being dumped by the roadside - or sold to Arsenal, the same thing really - by the Castle Greyskull club is not such a crazy concept, considering how the Frenchman seems to annoy the heck out of José Mourinho.

AS are also linking Barcelona in a move for Athletic Bilbao keeper, Gorka Iraizoz, who is just 29, out of contract next year and - more importantly - does not have ridiculous, braided hair like Barça’s current back-up goalie, José Pinto. However, Arsenal are also thought to be sniffing around the Basque club’s main man at the back.

However, this will be the final day of this this mini silly season of speculation, with the bones of Spain’s result against Scotland to chew over on Wednesday, and the tasty brains of league football returning the the menu for another mad nine weeks before la Liga takes its next break at Christmas. Yum.

FEATURE: Spain's ugliness a problem for Scotland

Spain's ugliness a problem for Scotland

Tim Stannard — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 10:57:00 GMT

It was the kind of game Harry Redknapp would have loved had he been a national team manager and widely successful at the job to boot. “I woz daaahn to the bare bones,” he would have tooted. “Eight of the lads wot were in the squad wot won the World Cup wasn’t abaaaht. But we dug deep, stuck the big lad up front with that kid that looks like an 'amster aaaht wide and they done the business.”

That big lad was Fernando Llorente, who built on his crucial cameo against Portugal in South Africa to score a brace in Friday’s 3-1 win against Lithuania in Salamanca. What’s more, it was a brace consisting of what the Athletic Bilbao striker does best - getting on the end of a couple of crosses with his bonce.

It would certainly have given any watching Scotland fans something to ponder if they had been hoping to be able to just boot the Spanish midfield about and hang on for a goalless draw. All three of the goals from La Furia came through headers from crosses - with two assists from Sergio Ramos - with the third being a lovely looped effort from Diddy David Silva.

The only concern niggling away at the sporting press is David Villa missing chances - including one shot at the post from about one yard - and being wedged on 43, one goal behind Raúl’s international record. One TV station even ran a poll asking viewers to guess if he would reach that milestone against Scotland with the general consensus being a fairly disinterested ‘maybe'.

But with the second Euro 2012 qualifier now over, Spain’s football focus has now turned its attention to the country’s third clash and the challenge of Scotland at Hampden Park.

TV Reporters have already been dispatched to Glasgow with the sole mission of finding and filming rotund, ‘boisterous’, unintelligible Scotsmen wearing kilts and clutching bagpipes to reassure those back home that their stereotypical views of the people of Braveheart-land were indeed accurate.

By the looks of it, there was no shortage of Central-Casting types to be found in Glasgow, with Monday’s Marca even joining the joke with a cartoon portraying a big-bellied, kilt-wearing, red-nosed ginger man being marked with the different meat cuts (lomo, solomillo) by Vicente Del Bosque - a picture that would normally be hanging in a butcher’s shop.

The papers are forecasting the normal ‘tough battle’ in Glasgow and predicting a similar line-up in the clash as to the Lithuania game with the now flu-free Xabi Alonso perhaps returning in place of Santi Cazorla.

Whilst the somewhat snooty Spanish stereotype of Scotland and its football will continue to focus on alcohol, rain and general unsophistication, the home side will have to change their opinions on their visitors if they are to snatch anything from the game.

If Craig Levein’s players are expecting the patient, possession football of the World Cup from the Spanish side in Hampden Park, then they could be waiting a long time. Spain’s approach to the clash could well be more ‘Wham, bam thank you mam,’ than another patient display of the 'beautiful game' if Friday night’s football was any indication.

Harassment, haranguing and ham

Tim Stannard — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 14:22:00 GMT

La Liga Loca had always wondered why footballers had such a love of wearing oversized headphones for their Kindlepadplayerthingymejigs. It had assumed it was because they were idiots. But now the blog has a new theory. At least for Spain anyway.

LLL senses that headphones with ear pieces the size of Maniche’s bra cup are the only way to drown out the potty-mouthed abuse the under-fire footballers of La Liga are currently suffering.

In the last ramble, the blog brought news of Zaragoza striker, Florent Sinama Pongolle, receiving the suggestion from the home crowd that he should kill himself after he made a ‘sush’ gesture to la Romareda after his first goal of Saturday’s draw with Sporting.

It’s something that his Primera buddy, José Antonio Reyes knows all about. A good year ago, death was also the recommendation for the player, this time from the Vicente Calderón crowd who were less than impressed over his rather apathetic Primera displays and his Madridista background. However a few decent games in Europe, last season, put the Rojiblanco ravers in his camp again.

“They made me stronger,” claimed Reyes. So strong in fact that the winger has extended his contract with Atleti until 2014 ensuring a solid four years of absolutely nothing on the pitch - peppered with the odd red card - from the incomprehensible Andalusian.

Messi-slayer, Tomás Ujfalusi, was barracked with chants of “killer!” from the Sevilla crowd in their match against Atlético, on Sunday. Whilst the defender himself didn’t seem to mind too much despite noting that “I don’t think I’ll be able to get rid of this image,” the Spanish FA certainly did by fining Sevilla the grand total of €602 for failing to control the behaviour of the Sánchez Pizjuán supporters.

The amount stands in interesting contrast with the €3000 handed to Espanyol’s José Callejón for lifting his shirt to show an image of Dani Jarque when celebrating a goal (he doesn’t get to do it, too often) - a punishment that was later appealed and reversed.

Over in Zaragoza-land and José Aurelio Gay is still in charge of the side. Although the owner, president, pretty much everything at the club, Agapito Iglesias, called a press conference on Tuesday, it was to give his manager a vote of confidence rather than the boot despite Zaragoza being second-from-bottom of the table. “I’ve never doubted Gay, we have confidence in him until the end of the season,” claimed Iglesias.

As it stands today, that’s exactly how long Pep Guardiola has at the Camp Nou because of his fairly wise desire of only signing one year rolling contracts at the club. Twelve months ago, stories began to circulate over when the Barça boss would be committing himself to more hair loss treatment in the Catalan capital before he finally caved in and said he would stay until the summer of 2011. And now, it’s deja-vu all over again.

However Sport is all with the bold prediction of the inevitable soap opera to come by claiming that “Pep’s (contract) renovation won’t be a soap opera.” “Pep knows that he can call Rosell’s office whenever he wants to get an appointment with the president and talk about his future,” claims the inside pages giving the interesting mental image of Pep sitting in a waiting room flicking through Hola! magazine before being ushered in to see El Presidente.

Marca are continuing their long, long, long...long, long long slide into complete idiocy with Thursday’s edition noting that David Villa has ten individual sponsors - the particular favourite of the blog being for hair gel with a TV spot that sees the topless Spanish striker looking as pleased as punch surrounded by a posse of smoldering, sexy lady types.

The paper then muses whether Villa switching to Barcelona might have been a bit of bad business for his brands. “Being at Valencia also had advantages. The first is that it didn’t cause any rejection,” says Marca suggesting that Real Madrid supporters could boycott any company that has links with Villa - companies including Mahou (the most popular beer in Spain), Nestlé, McDonald’s, and Adidas, sponsors of Real Madrid’s kit, as it happens.

AS are on much safer territory in their preview of Spain’s clash against Lithuania on Saturday night. The Baltic opposition are now at their hotel base in Salamanca and the paper has given its readers an all important ham update.

Apparently the squad made the mistake of ordering ordinary ‘Jamón York’ - which is grim, admittedly - and have now fallen in love with the local variety. “It has won them over,” sighs AS contentedly which says that the ham is now very scarce indeed at the Lithuanian breakfast and lunch table.

Whether they will be making a pig’s ear of Saturday’s Spain game remains to be seen.

A bad break for two La Liga bosses

Tim Stannard — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:24:00 GMT

Poor José Aurelio Gay isn’t going to be enjoying the next few days a great deal, despite the break from all the lunacy of La Liga, mainly because his time-out could well become a permanent one with the Zaragoza manager set to be fired any second now. Probably whilst this blog is being written, just to be annoying.

In fact, there were rumours poking about Spain, on Monday, that Gay had already been outed - as it were - but the trainer insisted that he was “still the Zaragoza manager, for the moment. No-one has been in contact with me to tell me otherwise.”

Zaragoza are currently lying second-from-bottom of the table, with just three points after a bit of a sorry start to the season. The side’s luck is so bad at the moment that what could have been a Braveheart, coming-from-behind, rousing encounter for Gay’s men, on Saturday, ended up piling yet more pressure on the coach and his team.

2-0 down in the second half in their home tie against Sporting and Zaragoza really were in trouble. But then Florent Sinama Pongolle popped up with a lovely strike to pull one back for Zaragoza.

The Frenchman then decided to celebrate the goal with a ‘button-it!” gesture to an understandably irate crowd - a cunning move which ensured that the supporters’ charming chant of “Sinama Die!” barely ceased even when the Primera poacher grabbed a second to save a precious point for his team.

The former Liverpool forward then faced the fury of supporters dismayed by the thought of a second successive relegation battle by having it out with some angry types outside the ground before the police stopped either Sinama or even the supporters getting themselves getting a good old kicking by standing in the way.

Deportivo’s boss, Miguel Angel Lotina, is another manager who is under pressure but who is feeling a little more secure over his immediate future, claiming on Sunday night that “only the mediocre resign”.

LLL spent a couple of minutes spying on the coach of the bottom-of-the-table boredom-bringers, on Sunday night, as he paced up and down in the Real Madrid mixed zone with a phone clamped to his ear, sporting a face like a peed-off pug dog after the 6-1 defeat.

Having at first feared the worst for Lotina’s immediate future, the blog then remembered that the notoriously glum manager always sports the expression of someone obligated by job to watch Deportivo’s games more than once - something that would push normal folk into developing a taste for arsenic and taking baths with toasters.

********

It’s big change time in Tuesday’s Marca, with the paper having pushed their usual story concerning the dreamy greatness of José Mourinho all the way to page 24. “The first big win of the Mourinho era has gone down very well with the leaders of the club” notes the paper approvingly.

However Marca is still insisting that Cristiano Ronaldo has scored four goals this season despite the Spanish league’s own website awarding the apparently contentious Real Sociedad free-kick strike to Pepe, whose tiny head the ball bounced off in the 2-1 win.

Mourinho has been bumped down the pecking order by the only thing more important to Marca than Real Madrid - and that’s Marca. The paper has dedicated most of the day’s edition to its annual award ceremony for “the most desired (prizes) in football” and hands over a good 700 pages to photographs of plump, self-satisfied, grey men in suits greeting each other, on Monday night, in that clamping each other’s arms down, Alpha Male manner that's so popular in Spain.

Tuesday’s edition also printed the full speech given at the event by the paper’s most peculiar director, Eduardo Inda - a discourse that must have lasted a good three hours judging by the length of the text and featured an ambitious section when he compared Messi to Mozart.

Sport have been keeping busy, too, by poking their finger into where exactly Barcelona have been going wrong this season with Tuesday’s revealing headline of “the problems are at home.”

And, to be fair, this is about as good as it is going to get, this week, with la Liga going into a bit of a lull.

Good Day, Bad Day - Round 6

Tim Stannard — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 14:28:00 GMT

Good Day

Real Madrid

Shameful, disgraceful, shocking and appalling. La Liga Loca obviously isn’t talking about the six goals scored in Real Madrid’s win at the Bernabeu, rather the one from open play conceded - the first managed by Deportivo in seven league games.

How far standards are slipping under José Mourinho...

Cristiano Ronaldo

It was really easy to see how, if you were Ronaldo’s Real Madrid team-mate, you would want to pop one onto his stupid, shiny face during a match but then give him a bit of a hug and a squeeze later.

It was Ronaldo who lead the way in a six goal sizzler for his side with an early nerve-settling opener but then continued to annoy the heck out of his team-mates with his constant complaints and Portuguese pouting.

A clear case in point was the first half moment when Gonzalo Higuaín chased down a Deportivo defender to force an imprecise pass, which then fell to Ronaldo who proceeded to fail to find Higuaín in return - an action that caused CR7 to flap his arms and squawk like a particularly crabby crow.

But then the frowning forward scores a corker with a solo effort for Real Madrid’s sixth of the night and Ronaldo’s third of the season - or fourth if you are compiling Marca’s official totals.

Although Marca and AS are stumbling along in their normal bi-polar ways with the ‘All is lost! No, all is won! All is lost! No, all is won!” headlines from week-to-week, the goalless draw away at Levante did not mean that Madrid were particularly bad.

But, in the same way, a 6-1 tonking against a truly dispirited, god-awful Deportivo does not signify that all is tickety-boo at Castle Greyskull, either.

Valencia

A disappointingly dull game against a lethargic Athletic for Valencia but a 2-1 win nonetheless for Unai Emery, who is now embracing the international break like Maniche hugging a hot-dog stand.

Nevertheless there was at least a couple of moments of excitement in the encounter with two goals in injury time - both missed by LLL of course, after it had given up on the game to take the rubbish out.

Nilmar and Rossi

A 70s disco act from Greece and a formidable striking partnership to boot, having banged in nine league goals between them. The first of which was a pure 'no I in team' effort with both forwards bundling the ball up the field before Nilmar finished the move by poking home Rossi’s blocked effort.

Gregorio Manzano

See, LLL does know what it’s talking about on the (very) odd occasion. It has been droning on for a good two years now that all Sevilla needed was a proper, experienced coach from outside the club and what happens when that finally takes place?

Gregorio Manzano gets an away win against Borussia Dortmund in his first game in charge and a sprightly 3-1 victory over Atlético Madrid on Sunday, that’s what.

Getafe

Even more fun to catch at the Coliseum now that LLL has discovered the 20 minute fast train to El Cazar from Sol and the 8 minute trot to the stadium. Thrown in with the notion that the blog rarely has any idea what Getafe are going to do in any given game, and it’s always a treat to catch Míchel’s men.

Eleven days ago, Getafe lost 2-0 at home to Málaga. On Sunday, it was a 3-0 victory against Hércules. And the blog bets that the manager is just as baffled as the blog as to the reasons for either result.

Michael Laudrup

Not just a purty face with purty eyes. Two points taken off Real Madrid and Barcelona already this season by the Mallorca manager.

Levante

A change in goalkeeper from Gustavo Munúa to Manuel Reina and a defense moved from the half-way line back to its own box has brought about five points in the last three games for Levante to place them just outside of the relegation zone. The most recent came in 1-1 draw away Osasuna with Sergio managing to score with one of just two shots on target all day for the visitors.

Bad Day

Barcelona

Now LLL must confess that getting from the Coliseum to Castle Greyskull meant that it was only able to catch the last 20 minutes of Barça’s Camp Nou battle. And that was interrupted a tad by the very excitable AS-master, Tomás Roncero, pointing at the monitor like a toddler watching TV for the first time, as Barça missed their second-half chances.

But from what the blog can glean, it was the familiar story of Barcelona deserving a victory but failing to get one through an excess of fannying about (stand up, Dani Alves) and poor finishing.

On another note, the introduction of Nolito for his debut for Barça has got the blog a’thinkin’ whether la Masia is only capable of producing flimsy, tricksy, Mummy’s Boys for forwards when considering the recent batch of Bojan, Pedro, the dos Santos brothers and Jeffren. More pie needed urgently in the acclaimed cradle of the Catalan club.

Deportivo

The blog almost, almost felt sorry for Deportivo when the comedy own goal for José Zé Castro went in for Real Madrid’s fifth. But then the blog came to its senses and chuckled along with everyone else.

José Aurelio Gay

At time of writing, it looks like the manager of second-from-bottom Zaragoza is to be joining the enormous ranks of the unemployed.

Quique Sánchez Flores

The more that the Atlético Madrid mumbles, sighs and groans the more unhappy he is. So by the end of the 3-1 defeat to Sevilla, in a run that sees just one win in six for Atleti, Quique was quite incomprehensible.

Hércules

A very disappointing, half-arsed performance against Getafe from a side that LLL was really looking forward to seeing. Not fair. Not fair at all.

Sporting

Leaky, leaky. A two goal lead thrown away against Zaragoza on Saturday was the second time that Manolo Preciado’s men have been so careless this season.

Eliseu

The Málaga man was sent off last Monday after Villarreal’s Carlos Marchena flung himself to the floor after a light brushing of the face from the winger. Eliseu was the red card victim of another act of amateur dramatics when tussling for the ball with Juan Ortiz in a 1-1 draw at Almería.

Espanyol

Oh dear. A bad day at at the footballing office for Espanyol. Holding their own, as it were, against Espanyol and Juan Forlín contrived to Taekwondo the ball back into his own net with just five minutes left after a free-kick for Real Sociedad came back off the bar. What’s worse, Ernesto Galán is set to be out for four months having broken his leg in a tackle.

The Trainspotting Weekend Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 14:01:00 GMT

Saturday

Real Zaragoza (20th) v Sporting (17th)

When looking for news on a specific team on the Marca and AS websites, the blog constantly has to remember the two different ways the organisations make such information available - quite a feat for the rather slow-witted LLL.

Marca helpfully lists all the clubs in alphabetical order across a banner at the top. AS puts them in a similar format but details them by league position in a fairly annoying fashion.

However, thanks to Zaragoza being quite, quite rubbish this season, both have the Aragonese outfit in the same spot. At the end. Nice.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Sociedad (16th) v Espanyol (6th)

La Real’s latest clash sees Raúl Tamudo coming face-to-hamster face with his old teammates, having left Espanyol in the summer after 38 years running frenetically around the club’s big wheel of destiny.

Despite playing 334 games for the Pericos and scoring 129 goals along the way, the farewell of the rodent-resembling rampager was not the best it could have been after a tumultuous final year in el Prat-land that saw all kinds of tears and tantrums concerning his future at the club.

“I don’t think you can say I’m desperate for revenge,” mused Tamudo, as he twitched his whiskers thoughtfully. “I don’t want the game to be Tamudo against Espanyol.”

And the big question of whether he would celebrate a goal against the Pericos? “Don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (1st) v Athletic Bilbao (9th)

Valencia may not have had a particularly good time of it this week in a sporting sense after a 0-1 defeat to Manchester United, which was owed in large part to the general uselessness of Roberto Soldado in front of goal.

However, there was better news in the financial world of Mestalla with the announcement that the club has managed to reduce its debt over the past 12 months to a trifling €400m, although there still isn’t enough cash floating about to restart work on the new stadium which has seen €150m of Valencia’s cash poured in and so far wasted. A sort of concrete version of Real Madrid’s latest transfer dealings, as it were.

The more stable financial footing for the league leaders does mean that “the club doesn’t have to sell any more players,” according Valencia president, Manuel Llorente, much to the disappointed of the still-want-away and very underpaid compared to his teammates, Juan Mata.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Sunday

Sevilla (7th) v Atlético Madrid (5th)

Atlético Madrid are doing the right thing by getting themselves knocked out of the Europa League as fast as humanely possible, although the Rojiblancos did trip up on Thursday night at the Calderón with Simao preventing what would have been a very handy 1-0 defeat with a second-half equaliser.

It was more serious stuff for Sevilla in their first game under Gregorio Manzano which produced a 1-0 win away at Borussia Dortmund in their “German Hell” as AS put it rather over-dramatically.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (10th) v Hércules (8th)

If Hércules had not spent so much money on incentives in getting promoted to la Primera - payments to their own players LLL would like to make very, very, very clear - then the Alicante club could have had the forgotten man of Spanish football, Dani Güiza, banging the goals in for them instead of the forgotten man of French football, David Trezeguet.

Already exiled in Turkey with Fenerbahce - apparently the only club willing to cope with his night-life loving ways Güiza - the Geezer’s profile dropped even further over the summer when he failed to make Spain’s World Cup squad.

“I had my bottles (notice the plural - LLL) of champagne ready for when they gave out the list, but they stayed there,” recalled a sorrowful Güiza, currently in Spain recovering from surgery on his Achilles tendon. “They took away my dream I’ve had from when I was a kid of playing in the World Cup with my country.”

Oh dear. All the blog can say is come home soon Dani, la Liga needs you. And so do the recession-hit nightspots of Spain.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (2nd) v Racing (15th)

With the most sophisticated of flicks, LLL has just turned the page on its Spanish Railways calendar (which it was given for free, it would like to add) to welcome in October. And the month to come is pictured by RENFE by what appears a goods train pulling some...goods...through somewhere green.

The new month also sees the blog’s first - and probably last because it will almost certainly have forgotten in 30 days time - player of the month award. And September’s goes to Santi Cazorla for both some lovely midfield play pushing Villarreal into second and his ability to store food in his rodent-like cheeks during games.

With both Xavi and Cesc Fabregas sitting out Spain’s upcoming clashes against Lithuania and Scotland and Diddy David Silva suffering at tad at City it could be a fine spell for Santi in la Seleccíon, too

“I wasn’t myself before,” explained the Villarreal man over last season’s struggles to find form. “I didn’t feel completely well, there was always something holding me back.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (13th) v Málaga (12th)

This game is all about speed, speed, speed with the home side fielding probably la Liga’s fastest player in Albert Crusat and the wondrous visiting wingers for Málaga of Quincy and Eliseu.

The Almería man has boasted that “when I was a kid, they gave me a diploma for running the 100 metres under 11 seconds,” claiming that he can do the distance in about 10.5 seconds.

The Málaga duo have yet to race each other, they reveal in AS, but both form perhaps the most exciting team in la Liga at the moment with 11 goals scored and 11 conceded, making the Málaga the most prolific and leaky team in la Primera at the same time.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Osasuna (14th) v Levante (18th)

LLL has always considered itself to be part of the media élite. So it was a little concerned to read during the week, that it may have been partly responsible for the worrying mental state of one particular Scandinavian gentleman in this week’s News from Sweden, thanks to thelocal.se.

"A Swedish man returned from an extended vacation to find a massive hole in his living room wall. Charges have now been filed against the man’s neighbour, who said the “media elite” made him do it.

It was back in April of this year when the 67-year-old man returned to his apartment in Nyköping in eastern Sweden and discovered that several items were out of place, the Aftonbladet newspaper reports.

The man then found a gaping hole in the 25 centimetre thick concrete wall separating his flat from that of his 55-year-old neighbour.

“When I went up to the hole I could see into my neighbour’s,” the 67-year-old later told police.

It didn’t long for the man to deduce that his neighbour was responsible for carving out the crawlspace, but he was surprised to learn that the 55-year-old had made almost nightly trips into the 67-year-old’s apartment while he was away.

The 55-year-old, who is now facing charges for violating the domicile of another, admitted to police that he made the hole, but claimed that did it at the behest of the “media elite”, who had controlled him for years."

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (3rd) v Mallorca (11th)

Autumn is just around the corner, so it feels like the right time for Mallorca to change club president again. After all the Balearic club likes to stay in fashion and keep up to date with the latest trends having been through seven footballing fat cats in the past 22 months.

The latest to be jettisoned is Josep Pons who has got himself into a bit of a sticky situation - metaphorical for the moment, unless proved otherwise - with an employee at the Spanish embassy in Vienna, where Pons is the country’s ambassador but where he faces allegations of sexual harassment.

Pons has declared himself innocent and is most unhappy about his dismissal at Mallorca. “I have nothing to hide,” he declared

The latest president - perhaps supporting the latest haircut in fashion in Spain at the moment, the ever popular mullet - is Juame Cladera and will be in place until at least the spring presidential collection is due.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Madrid (4th) v Deportivo (19th)

The best defense faces the worst attack. Oh joy.

LLL Prediction - Home win (1-0)

Valencia Back in the Big Time

Tim Stannard — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:31:00 GMT

If disgruntled Manchester United fans had been forced to endure what poor old Valencia supporters have been through in recent years, then they would probably have gone to even more extraordinary measures to rage against the machine than changing the colour of their scarves.

Heck, they may even have sported silly hats to games. Or refused to change their socks between matches to force a chastened gaggle of Glazers out of town.

The Mestalla club’s debt still lies in the region of four to five hundred million euros and there is giant, stadium-sized lump of crumbling concrete in the city which is supposed to be a new ground, but which has not had any work done on it for a year-and-a-half now and unlikely to have anything done to it anytime soon, according to current club president, Manuel Llorente, who says that cash flow is still a bit of an issue at the club.

Over the past couple of years, Valencia have survived almost going bankrupt after a consortium of fans and the local council secured the club’s shares from some dodgy characters who previously owned them and kept them out of the hands of other very iffy interested parties, including one group whose address turned out to be false and who photocopied a picture from a children’s colouring book to use as their logo.

But Valencia fans are starting to think that maybe, just maybe better times are around the corner.

It is true that nearly €100 million of players have been flogged over the past two summers including Raúl Albiol, David Villa, David Silva, Carlos Marchena, and Nikola Zigic.

However, a third place finish last season - still light years behind Barcelona and Real Madrid, mind - and a decent start to the current campaign where Valencia are unbeaten and top of the table no less, means that a generally grumpy mob in Mestalla is of a fairly chirpy bent, these days.

The visit of Manchester United is a bit of a symbolic one and shows that Valencia are back where they are belong in the Champions League after two seasons away. It’s also a bit of a boon for the local bars, says one local journalist, who claims that beer has been very much in demand in the east coast city.

Speaking from his living room sometime past midnight on Spanish radio on Tuesday night - managers aren’t allowed to go to bed in this football-crazed nation - Valencia coach, Unai Emery, fended off suggestions that the visitors would be bit easier to handle without the injured Wayne Rooney on Wednesday night.

Poor Unai then started to sound a tad concerned at the presenter's suggestion that choosing to not lock his players up in a hotel the night before a match was not the best of decisions with footballers doing what footballers are.

However, party-popper Ever Banega being out of the squad with injury helped ease the Valencia manager’s mind a bit, along with the fact that none of his players are English.

Valencia are expected to line-up against Manchester United in a good, old-fashioned 4-4-2 formation with the rumbustious Roberto Soldado and Ariz Aduritz up front flanked by two inside winger type things - oh yes, LLL has read a bit of a tactics book - in the form of Pablo Hernández and Juan Mata. Then again, they might not.

The game is set to be the Big One in Spain, on Wednesday night, simply because Barcelona are playing a couple of hours earlier in the city of Rubin. Or is it Kazan? Or maybe even Rubin Kazan?

On Tuesday night Real Madrid came away from Auxerre with a 1-0 win that was remarkable to the extend that it was wholly unremarkable with one of the few comments in the media coming from AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, who noted that “as I said on Tuesday, the press conferences here are fun here. The matches are something else.”

There hasn’t been too much other reaction elsewhere as Wednesday is General Strike day in Spain. Which probably means that the picket-line crossing, scab La Liga Loca should stop writing now.

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José Mourinho Finally Gets Mad

Tim Stannard — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 10:34:00 GMT

For months now, the Spanish press have been performing their solemn duty of trying to make José Mourinho go completely postal, but sadly with little success.

However, on Monday evening, it was joy to the world and ding dong merrily on high as, after a trying period of four press conferences a week for the Bernabeu boss, hours and hours of provoking, probing and pressing finally brought some decent results - not only did Mourinho completely lose his rag, he also found it again and then set it on fire...

And this is a very good thing indeed, reckons LLL.

After all, if Mourinho is not going to provide any decent entertainment on the pitch, then the very least the Real Madrid coach can do is raise a few eyebrows (and belly laughs) off it.

The first sign Mourinho was starting to shed his usual calm, collected, serious and straight-laced demeanor was before Saturday’s bore draw against Levante - a result that Tuesday’s Marca blames squarely on the opposition’s “anti-football” - when the Madrid manager unleashed a thinly-veiled attacked against Sporting for resting first-teamers in their midweek clash against Barcelona.

“If some teams who play (Barça) give the game away because they think they can’t win...then it will be much harder,” Mou opined.

“We’ll talk about it in November,” was the curt reply from Sporting boss, Manuel Preciado, already looking forward to their upcoming clash, no doubt.

Whilst this can be considered classic, pre-planned ‘mind games’ from Mourinho, witnessed time and time again, Tuesday’s huffy-puffy storming out of the pre-Auxerre press conference certainly wasn’t.

One habit of the Spanish press that clearly seems to rile The Special One is boldly predicting the line-up of his teams ahead of each game. Over the summer he listed the eleven names that would start a friendly clash against Standard Liege to the hacks noting tartly that “this time you’ll get it right.”

Monday’s editions of Marca and AS were full of predictions that Pedro León was to be the great change to the Real Madrid side to face Auxerre along with Karim Benzema starting in place of Gonzalo Higuaín. However, hours later the Real Madrid squad that was heading to France was announced and it did not contain the former Getafe man.

Later that evening at the press conference, the journalists asked the perfectly legitimate question of why Pedro León had been left out. The reply saw Mourinho go quite mad.

“I don’t have to justify the absence of Pedro León to you!” jeered José, claiming the only person he ever had to give explanations to was Florentino Pérez. “You’re all talking about Pedro León as if he were Zidane or Maradona...it was just a couple of days ago that he was playing for Getafe,” Mourinho reasoned in a way certain to boost the confidence and self esteem of his player.

The press conference then came to the swiftest of conclusions as Mourinho made his way out of the door in a bit of a strop, stopping briefly to greet Guy Roux on the way out.

The very Madridista Marca have largely chosen not to comment on their manager’s antics but have given over half a page to a useful and timely description of the ‘Mou Knot’ he uses for his ties, that was on display in the press conference - and clearly the main talking point amongst the journalists.

AS are less shackled to Real Madrid’s apron strings and have got it completely right for once, with editor Alfredo Relaño branding the manager’s madcap performance as “magnificent”.

“Mourinho passed through anger, then humour, then dramatics, then anger again and then finally he left.” 'Great TV' was the final summary of a happy Relaño.

The Mourinho mental-breakdown was just as appreciated in Barcelona but for very different reasons, as it was another chance for them to finger point and claim Castle Greyskull was in crisis.

“The Whites dressing room is not going to let this go,” writes a gleeful Santi Nolla in Mundo Deportivo, a paper which screams ‘Mou sets Madrid on fire!’ on the front cover. “Such disrespect to a team-mate is not normally forgiven,” continues the main MD man.

Sport have focussed on the shame and embarrassment that they reckon Mourinho is bringing on Florentino Pérez with his recent behaviour with their headline of “Unpresentable Mourinho.” “I’m afraid that Florentino is going to keep on suffering for many weekends to come,” chuckles Joan Vehils.

That may be quite true, but for everyone else watching on, Mourinho’s lapses in anger management are set to be some of the most enjoyable events of the season.

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Good Day, Bad Day - Round 5

Tim Stannard — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 14:30:00 GMT

  Good Day  

Valencia  

Despite Unai Emery having a bit of moan about Sporting being allowed back into the game at times, on Saturday, the Asturian side were knocked senseless within nine minutes after goals from Mehmut Topal and Roberto Soldado and never looked like threatening the visitors from Mestalla after that.  

Comfortable away wins, a happy-clappy team, and a coach secure in his job - three things that have not been happening at Valencia for some time now.   

Manuel Pellegrini  

Pellegrini may well be currently sat back on a sun lounger somewhere in Chile, but he is still no doubt laughing his knackers off at what is happening at Real Madrid.   

The Real team led by the coach disgracefully attacked by the Mourinho-mad Marca at every opportunity had five wins from five, 16 goals scored and just two conceded at this stage last season.   

The Special One has produced 11 points from a possible 15, six goals scored and two goalless draws against the less than tricky tests of Levante and Mallorca.  

Had Mourinho opted to stay in Milan and Pellegrini remained for a second season under Florentino Pérez, Marca would surely have been calling for his head, especially after Saturday’s lamentable showing against Levante.   

Instead, Fernando Alonso’s F1 win means that the paper can ignore the whole unfortunate affair and pray for a big win over Auxerre on Tuesday night.   

Barcelona  

La Liga Loca expected a home win for Athletic. It also predicted a 5-0 victory for Real Madrid, something it regretted within micro-seconds of the game kicking off.

  But whilst ‘The Mou Team’ peed about for 90 minutes like headless chickens that were never that bright in the first place, Barcelona managed to rack up more chances in a ten minute first-half spell than their rivals did in the whole of the encounter against Levante.   

Juanma Lillo

The cold-hearted, downright-unpleasant-during-its-monthly-‘time’, but consistent LLL prides itself on wishing ill-will to every club in la Primera, every day of every season.

However, that isn’t always enough to stop the ‘clearly pro-Madrid, anti-Madrid, pro-Barça, anti-Barça’ nonsense that comes with the Primera-pundit territory.

  But at the moment, the blog must admit to crossing its fingers for especially bad things to happen to Deportivo and Almería, two teams that came face-to-face on Saturday. In the former side’s case it is because this most tedious of teams make the blog want to hurl itself off its balcony, having first undergone decapitation to ensure a swift end to it all.   

This vitriol is less understandable in Almería’s case, a modest club from the south of Spain. Or is it?

Almería have been adopted once again by one of the most objectionable characters in Spain - former ‘X-Factor’ runner-up, and the man in possession of worse hair than Carles Puyol, David Bisbal.

Therefore, the club deserves nothing but pain whilst their collaboration continues. And for those who think that no singer can be worth that much scorn, try 40 seconds of this.   

It was Almería and their under-fire boss, Juanma Lillo, who came away with a win on Sunday, a victory that saved his job according to the press but that did nothing of the sort according to Lillo himself.   

David Trezeguet

  Still misses chances that look considerably easier than the ones he scores, but the Frenchman already appears to be the 15 goal man to keep Hércules up this season, with three in bag already after a brace againt Sevilla.   

Filipe Luis

  LLL has a confession to make. It watched league football last Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and three games again on Saturday. It watched another on Sunday. But it simply couldn’t handle one more. It really couldn’t. Sorry.  So it didn’t catch Atlético’s 1-0 win over Zaragoza, but heard that Felipe Luis was dead good on his debut. Any one who did see the game should feel free to add a little bit more.   

Joaquín Caparrós

  Completely wrong to moan about Fernando Amorebieta’s sending off but looked extremely cool indeed larking about in San Mamés in the rain like a mad man in jeans and Matrix-style, strap-laden jacket.   

Getafe  

Predictably unpredictable by following a 2-0 home defeat to Málaga with a 1-0 win away at Racing.   

Espanyol  

A sixth-placed perch for the Pericos after a 1-0 win over Osasuna sees Paul from Barcelona in a strangely chirpy mood today...

  “Much has been made of the poor standard (being generous) of refereeing this week and today was no exception. Yes, the ref was poor but he got the big decision right. Lolo of Osasuna deserved his red for hauling down star man Alvaro. 19-years-old, this boy is good. Looked sharp against Madrid and more of the same today.

  His clever play committed Lolo into hauling him down and he took his goal extremely well. No doubt Osasuna fans will blame the ref but if you constantly commit fouls then you have to expect the worst. Espanyol did well not to be bullied by the Gripper Stebson-esque (one for the teenagers) Osasuna.   

A few nervy moments but Espanyol deserved the win because they played the better football and if Osvaldo hadn't - I believe the technical term is "******** about", then it could have been 2-0.  

Espanyol 'B' / U-19s continue to march on at home showing that our youngsters can more than hold their own. Amat and Didac did well. Osasuna won't go down but purists might want to hide behind the sofa. Osasuna are normally well supported away from home but this year there were 10, yes, 10 away fans.   I know 10 who live in BCN. Anyone know why there were so few ?”

  Paul, Barcelona  

Bad Day

  Alvaro Alvarez

  Finally Sevilla president, José María Del Nido, has made the right decision by appointing a manager of gravitas in the shape of Gregorio Manzano and left behind his recent obsession with number twos (stop giggling).   Antonio Alvarez lost his job to no-one’s surprise in Spain after Sevilla’s limp-wristed 2-0 defeat to Hércules to be replaced with a coach with more top flight matches under his belt that any other coach currently training in la Liga.

  Mesut Ozil  

The whole “new Zidane” thing as declared by Roberto Gómez in Marca has inevitably seen the form of the German midfielder plummet as far as his biggest fan’s chins.  

Pedro León  

A great little footballer that has barely featured under Mourinho managing just two substitute appearances in the league. A bright cameo in Levante saw both Marca and AS predicting the former Getafe man to be starting against Auxerre in Tuesday's Champions League clash. Instead, the winger has been left out of the squad, whilst Esteban Granero has been left in.   

A bit barking, really.   

Andrés Iniesta  

Oh dear. Nearly had his ankles removed by Athletic’s Amorebieta and had a chorus of boos in Bilbao rather than the normal cheers at opposition grounds this season when being substituted in the second half.   

Real Sociedad  

Admittedly the San Sebastian side were all with the plucky last week against Real Madrid, but the newcomers still lost the game. But then they went and lost another on Tuesday against Osasuna and now one more with a defeat against Mallorca on Sunday afternoon to leave them just one point off the drop zone.   

Deportivo  

563 minutes without a goal from open play. Just saying.   

Zaragoza  

“An absence of talent,” in his side admits José Aurelio Gay, manager of bottom-of-the-table Zaragoza. Quite correctly, as it happens. 

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The Format-busting Predictions: Round 5

Tim Stannard — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 11:55:00 GMT

Round three of la Primera finished just a day before round four which finished just two days before the start of round five. La Liga Loca hasn’t seen this much frenzied, frenetic activity in Spain since Ever Banega hacked into Angelina Jolie’s laptop webcam.

So that’s why LLL must launch a format-busting blog into the choppy seas of cyberspace this Friday as it both reviews what has gone and previews what is set to pass. String-theory style in the house, rude-boy.

LLL’s most recent ramblings concerned the Barcelona press moaning about the absence of Leo Messi for the next month and calling for the tarring and feathering of Tomás Ujfalusi and the Madridista mob carrying on with the normal nonsense of moaning about games being won by José Mourinho without the necessary panache that the cultured Castle Greyskull regulars demand.

However, the blog is not entirely sure how this debate descended into the fully-grown man-child from AS Tomás Roncero shouting “we’ve won more titles! we’ve won more titles! we’ve won more titles!” into the face of a blustering colleague from the Catalan press on a talk show on Wednesday night - something witnessed by a LLL spy newly arrived into the country and who is now considering leaving it again.

In the real world, Barcelona had just beaten Sporting 1-0 with David Villa taking the unusual but amusing step of feigning wiping his backside with the flag of his former - and supposedly beloved - team from Asturias after scoring the winning goal. “F**k ‘em and their stupid cider obsession,” was his boisterous response in the mixed zone.

The performance at the Camp Nou was not a classic one from Barcelona, with much of the shooting wide or over the bar - but it was effective nonetheless. A bit like Real Madrid’s the previous night in actual fact, not that the Barcelona press will admit that as their’s was a different kind of UNICEF-sponsored, home-grown, La Masia effective.

“A match to pick up points and forget about,” wrote Josep María Casanovas in Sport.

Levante caused a whopping upset by winning away at Almería to leave home side manager, Juanma Lillo, on the brink of being sacked according to Thursday’s press. The Almería boss now has to pull a win up in La Coruña against Deportivo out of his rucksack, on Sunday. “I don’t like how this team is playing at all,” grumbled club president, Alfonso García.

Hércules travelled to Zaragoza and held the home side to a goalless draw. But the big match of the evening was Atlético’s visit to Mestalla which saw another draw - all be it with goals from Simao and Aritz Aduriz - which seemed a perfectly fair result to La Liga Loca.

The blog headed down to Getafe on Thursday night to see the Coliseum club being thrashed by an impressive, counter-attacking Málaga with Míchel admitting after the game that there was no way of stopping them. One of the best players on the pitch was former Arsenal winger Quincy Owusu-Abeyie who gave the biggest of grins in a post match natter when reminded that he would be running at Marcelo in a few weeks time.

Deportivo made it five league games without a goal from open play in a 1-0 defeat at Villarreal, whilst Sevilla blew what looked like a home banker against Racing with a 1-1 draw that ended with Andrés Palop getting into a slanging match with a furious fan after the encounter.

“There was a fan behind us who has been insulting us throughout games from the start of the season,” explained the Sevilla goalkeeper. “After the match I politely told him to stop insulting us, support us and so we can do our jobs better.”

On Saturday, the Primera circus trundles of again with Real Madrid heading to a born-again Levante, a side which still owes a good €61m to creditors but which has a crazy plan to sell the land their current stadium is built on and construct a new arena to pay it off. As seen with their neighbours, Valencia, nothing can possibly go wrong with that strategy.

The current Levante president, Quico Catalán, is just 34 but already has the slicked backed hair and the signs of a jowly neck that’s so prominent with his presidential contemporaries elsewhere in la Liga.

Nestled before that clash it’s Valencia visiting Sporting where the blog’s hero of the week, César Sánchez, will still be feeling very pleased with himself indeed - and a little less tense - with the Valencia keeper having torn a new one for the aforementioned Tomás Roncero on live TV by coming over all with the payback over comments made when Sánchez was at Madrid where he was compared unfavourably to Iker Casillas by the AS man.

“You don’t have to kill one player to praise another,” fumed César Sánchez. “Iker is going to be a legend of world football...someone with your superior intelligence obviously saw this very quickly,” goaded the goalie to the increasingly blustery and sweating Roncero.

The final game of the night has Barcelona heading up to Bilbao to take on Athletic, a match that Leo Messi is probably quite looking forward to skipping considering he received an unpunished high-kick to the face from Fernando Amorebieta in one recent encounter.

Sunday evening is a fairly uninspiring one with Atlético Madrid ending the proceedings with a home tie against Zaragoza. But as the current trend is for football every single day of the week, round five stretches into Monday night and the admittedly tasty looking tie between Málaga and the rather fine looking Villarreal lead by an excited GiuseppeRossi22 who declared on Thursday night - “a great victory tonight...let’s keep it up.”

Judging by what LLL saw in Getafe, that might be a big ask for the Yellow Submarine.

Round 5 Predictions

Sporting v Valencia - Draw
Levante v Real Madrid - Away win
Athletic Club v Barcelona - Home win
Racing v Getafe - Home win
Deportivo v Almería - Home win
Espanyol v Osasuna - Home win
Mallorca v Real Sociedad - Draw
Hércules v Sevilla - Draw
Atlético v Zaragoza - Home win
Málaga v Villarreal - Home win

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Potato fields and a prickly Pep

Tim Stannard — Wed, 22 Sep 2010 15:24:00 GMT

Those who suggest - often quite forcibly - that LLL has absolutely no clue about anything are probably quite right.

The blog went to bed (extremely late thanks to evil Spanish TV bosses) having watched an unspectacular but perfunctory 3-0 win for Real Madrid against Espanyol. “No story here,” thought LLL. “Ten points from 12. Team still gelling but winning nonetheless. Benzema scoring. Higuaín scoring. Ronaldo scoring. And passing, too. Nothing to see. Move along, now.”

Action from the potato field (click to watch)

But the following morning all the talk on the wittering away radio stations was whether Real Madrid were exciting enough for the fans and if the coach knew what he was doing. The simple answers were "Probably not, but there’s plenty of time" and "Of course he does, you buffoons. What have you ever won, sat on your fat backsides in your ivory towers of judgement?"

As José Mourinho pointed out after the win over Espanyol, “I grew up in a country where there are 10 million coaches. Here, there are 40 million.” Everyone is throwing in their 10 cents' worth on Real Madrid’s performances so far, despite the iron-clad rule that a team isn’t supposed to be judged until 10 games into the season. (Then it’s perfectly fine, if necessary, to tap that ass of aggression.)

The headline on Wednesday’s AS grumps about “Three goals (and not much more)”. As is to be expected, Marca is a little more positive, cheering a “goalfest in a potato field” – referencing Mourinho’s complaint that the Bernabeu turf is not what it was, whether due to a virus or (as was hinted at on the back page of Sunday’s edition) vandalism.

LLL is led to believe that there were other games on Wednesday - it actually watched one of them with its own failing eyes - with Athletic Bilbao creaking into third gear to beat Mallorca 3-0 and Osasuna managing their first goals and win of the new campaign. “There's too much emphasis put on the opening games,” said Osasuna boss José Antonio Camacho, correctly.

Although Real Sociedad took the lead in the clash in Pamplona with a strike from Raúl Tamudo, the Osasuna revival was started by one of the most beautiful events in football, a sight that always gets the blog’s juices flowing no matter its mood: Walter Pandiani crashing a header into the back of the net from a cross.

Osasuna v Sociedad - click to watch

Over in Barcelona, the press is less than impressed by the two match suspension handed out by the league for Tomás Ujfalusi’s challenge on Leo Messi in Sunday’s Calderón clash. Sport's Josep María Casanovas is disappointed not to see stoning introduced as a punishment and complains that the “(Disciplinary) Committee had a splendid chance to impose an exemplary suspension in defence of good players and the game.”

The slowly unravelling Pep Guardiola has now turned to irony, note Marca, with his complaints that the media are partly responsible for Ujfalusi’s tackle. And when Pep says media he means Marca, whose director Eduardo Inda recently called for Leo Messi to be taken out GoodFellas-style.

“It wasn’t me who said you have to stop a player through civil or criminal means,” noted the Barça boss, who shrugged that “we’ve lost the media war” and the only way to respond was to win lots of games of football. If only it were that simple.

Barcelona are taking on Sporting in their round four league clash - not that you’d notice when flicking through the city’s newspapers, with the big game of the night kicking off straight after.

That clash sees Atlético Madrid heading to Valencia to take on the league leaders, with AS pointing out that there is a big age difference between the two goalkeepers in action on the east coast, but in the process making it sound like something fishy may have happened between one keeper and the other one’s Mum 20 years ago.
“De Gea, 19, could be the son of César, 39!” gasped the paper.

In Wednesday night's other games, Almería are set to host Levante in what LLL suspects is a relegation clash whilst Hércules-hosting Zaragoza are already talking about having 35 finals left.

LLL Predictions
Barcelona v Sporting - Home win
Zaragoza v Hercules - Draw
Almería v Levante - Home win
Valencia v Atlético Madrid - Draw

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Moany Mourinho, amazing Arizmendi

Tim Stannard — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 14:14:00 GMT

Saturday 2 a.m in the departure lounge of Vitoria airport and José Mourinho was spouting off to a gaggle of excited, thrusting press types.

Had he persuaded the Israelis to suspend settlement building after a 27 hour negotiating session? Was the Special One’s charisma saucy enough to coax the Iranians into giving up their nuclear ambitions?

No. The Real Madrid manager was talking about his non-existent answer to a non-existent job offer.

The whole tornado in a thimble began last Thursday when some old geezers from the Portuguese FA came to Madrid to talk to Mourinho and his agent - and have a fine lunch in the process, of course - with the possibility of dearest Mou taking over the somewhat struggling national side for two European Championship qualifiers in October featuring somewhere on the agenda.

Mourinho had apparently made approving noises to his would be suitors, but admitted a day later that “the Madridista family would see me (having two jobs) in a negative way.” “If it was up to me, I’d go to Portugal for nothing,” he added.

After Saturday night’s 2-1 win over Real Sociedad, the Madrid manager spoke to a Portuguese TV crew and complained that there had not even been talks between Madrid and his country’s FA about the idea of filling in for a bit. “I’m going to be in Madrid for 10 days of holidays,” claimed Mourinho, suggesting that the prospect of spending a week and a half of personal time on the training pitches with Esteban Granero was less than taxing.

Mourinho was then forced to further clarify his previous comments before boarding the plane to Madrid with pretty much everyone confused as to what had or hadn’t been said and what on earth it all meant.

However, Sara Carbonero certainly wasn’t in any doubt when she claimed during an interview on Spanish TV on Monday that “the manager is upset, above all because there was no meeting between Real Madrid and Portugal.”

But the other juicy whopper dropped by Iker’s amour was her claim that Cristiano Ronaldo “has always been egotistical and individualistic on the pitch,” which probably caused some tension around the team’s hotel breakfast table this morning (a breakfast table where all the condiments are no doubt down Ronaldo’s end considering his lack of enthusiasm for passing anything to anyone else), as Madrid prepare for the visit of Espanyol.

Despite the third round of games in La Primera only finishing on Monday night, the fourth round is set to start on Tuesday.

The final clash of the last ‘jornada’ produced a dreadful first half and wonderfully anarchic second between Deportivo and Getafe in a 2-2 draw that saw two penalties for Depor and and an absolute screamer of a strike for the now free-scoring Javier Arizmendi that left the Spanish TV commentary team as stunned as LLL.

When Arizmendi failed to celebrate his equalizing effort, the blog assumed that it was because the striker had forgotten how to. But then he revealed after the game that it was in respect to the fans he used to play in front of at Depor, despite those supporters probably having forgotten all about his amazing spell that saw seven goals in 50 matches.

Although Mourinho had a bit of a whine and a moan about the barbarity of having to play Ajax on a Wednesday and Real Sociedad on a Saturday, it is Espanyol who are being made to lie in the scheduling wet patch on Tuesday, as their previous game against Almería took place on Sunday, giving their competitors one extra day’s preparation ahead of the Castle Greyskull clash.

Real Madrid’s match kicks off at the family friendly time of 10 with two games being played at 8. The first of those sees Athletic Bilbao hosting Mallorca, a club - not team, or set of fans - that LLL is really starting to dislike.

Mallorca have done nothing but sulk since being thrown out of the Europa League by UEFA for failing to pay their debts to other clubs, thus giving them an unfair advantage in la Liga.

One of those sides on the wrong end of Mallorca’s mismanagement are Athletic Bilbao who, according to Marca, are still owed nearly €2 million on the 2008 sale of Aritz Aduriz, a striker who has since been moved on to Valencia for €4 million with Mallorca keeping the cash for themselves. This is why the relations between the two clubs have been frosty to say the least in the past couple of years.

Mallorca are also trying to take Villarreal’s European privileges in this season’s Copa del Rey draw, due to be held on Wednesday. In order to make the competition as uninteresting and pointless as possible, those clubs that are involved in European competition are handed ties against Segunda B or third division teams - not that this has been of much help to Real Madrid of late.

The Balearic outfit have petitioned the Spanish FA that this ‘bye’ should be theirs, despite Villarreal’s participation in this season’s Europa League.

Lastly, LLL has always been enemy number one of superfluous, self-serving, egotistical ‘minute’s silence’ before the start of football games. Mallorca infringed the blog’s low tolerance on such matters on Saturday with a lengthy pause to remember the death of the mother of the club’s VP Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, the head of the consortium which bought out the club over the summer.

(Blog takes deep breath)

Tuesday’s other 8 o’clock kick-off has Real Sociedad visiting Osasuna, a team that have yet to score a goal this season. “We need to get back our character, aggressiveness, our style and everyone needs to get back their self respect,” ranted club captain Francisco Puñal.

LLL Predictions

Real Madrid v Espanyol - Home win
Athletic v Mallorca - Home win
Osasuna v Real Sociedad - Home win

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Good Day, Bad Day - Round 3

Tim Stannard — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 14:34:00 GMT

Good Day

Valencia

Poor Valencia. Three wins from three, a tricky derby victory away at Hércules and the best start to the season since the 1993/94 campaign, and yet it’s Leo Messi’s brand new ankle joint and José Mourinho’s will-he, won’t-he, who the frack really cares hullaballoo about becoming manager of Portugal for a fortnight that’s making the biggest waves in Spain on Monday. That and Maniche testing out the pool in his new Costa del Sol complex.

But La Liga Loca isn’t going to let the men from Mestalla down after a 2-1 win which produced two of the best strikes you’ll see this weekend from Juan Mata and Pablo Hernández. (Highlights here).

Barcelona

The encounter against Atlético was grubby and grinding, stoppy and starty, but excellent nonetheless and a good chance for Barcelona to battle away, get their cojones out in the Spanish capital and test a most curious formation that had Sergi Busquets playing the central role in a back three in front of a midfield four when Barça were in possession of the ball.

But enough of such tactical musings, which LLL doesn’t really understand anyway. A win for Pep’s Dream Boys in the Vicente Calderón (Highlights here), a stadium where Barça have had troubles in recent years, is not to be sniffed at - especially in front of a wonderfully boisterous, barmy home crowd that was on the back of the referee from the opening seconds of the game.

Unfortunately, due to the blog's 'vantage point' a mere eight miles away from the pitch, LLL has no idea if the Calderón crazies were in their right minds for once.

David De Gea

How does David De Gea spent his Sunday evening after a brilliant performance against Barcelona? By driving back to his home village to hang out with his parents and grandfather Manolo, perhaps even taking the dog for a walk the next morning, that’s how. A man after La Liga Loca’s very boring, fairly unsociable, stranger-hating heart.

As Pep Guardiola said after the game, Barcelona put in ‘scandalous’ performance with De Gea perhaps preventing a 5-1 defeat. Although the showy shot-stoppers were certainly impressive, it was a De Gea dive at the foot of Messi’s still functioning feet that was the best of the bunch.

Real Madrid

LLL is never really sure it actually holds water with the “had lots of chances unlucky not to win” theory of football that it has often used in the past. Real Sociedad's Antoine Griezmann had two very, very good opportunities to score in the first half on Saturday, afterwards claiming that he woudln't be able to sleep much that night because of his French footballing failings.

But Real Madrid took their chances - a lovely swooping effort from Angel di María on his wrong foot and a brilliantly-orchestrated free-kick routine between Pepe and Cristiano Ronaldo (that's if the early editions of Marca are to be believed).

The result, if not the performance, was evidence enough for Tomás Roncero in AS to state that Madrid will be title contenders this year, with the crazy columnist writing that “it’s these matches that win leagues.”

Even Sport’s anti-Madridista mask slipped a little with Lluís Mascaró going into sulk mode with his declaration on Sunday that Mourinho’s men “will be able to win matches and titles but they’ll never put on a show like Guardiola’s team do every week." (Highlights here).

Mateu Lahoz

Pat on the back time for a referee, with LLL joining José Mourinho in applauding the man in the middle for the Real Sociedad clash for his light touch in a feisty encounter that many of his card-loving colleagues would have ruined.

“The mentality of the referee was spectacular,” said Mourinho. “He was a very English referee in a tough game.”

La Liga Loca’s Flat

Old mobile bills. Crusty clothes. Dust under the bed. The fruit bins in the fridge. Hair in the bath. A huge pile of newspapers. Damaging DNA evidence.

All these were taken care of on Saturday afternoon as Mallorca against Osasuna droned away on TV in the background. Thanks to these two tedious teams, the blog’s penthouse has never looked better.

Sporting, Athletic Bilbao

However, a very early spring clean was curtailed when this enthralling clash of teams determined to go for the jugular kicked off straight after the bore-fest in the Balearics.

The end-to-end English style face-off finished 2-2 - the right result according to Sporting manager, Manuel Preciado. “It would have been unfair if either team had lost,” he reasoned.

Barça Rejects

Goals from the unwanted Camp Nou pair of Henrique and Martin Cáceres lead to much-needed wins for Racing Santander and Sevilla respectively. Curiously, both are centre-backs, a position where Barcelona are a little bit light this season.

Villarreal

One line of praise for Villarreal, today, as a win at Levante isn’t worthy of too much more...

Espanyol

A 1-0 victory for Espanyol against Almería that opposition coach, Juanma Lillo, huffed was “a goalless draw and nothing more”, constitutes a spectacular show in El Prat-land, these days. Here’s one of Sunday’s punters, Paul from Barcelona.

“A pretty dour match of few chances, the best ones falling to Espanyol. A well taken goal by Callejon seemed to take a deflection on its way in. Well, you'd think so by Diego Alves' reaction but the footage was inconclusive. As it was Callejon shooting I ducked and covered in my seat 21 rows back so I missed it.

Almería were very poor. Lacked any form of guile and kicked anything that moved. Usual rubbish referee and assistants. Sergio García didn't look too bad and I'll give Callejon MOTM just for the goal as nobody stood out. A solid enough performance by Espanyol whose minimum was too much for Almería (40-odd away fans).”

Paul, Barcelona.

Bad Day

Tomás Ujfalusi

May well be pulling out of that return visit to the Camp Nou, this season, with a sudden hamstring twinge after that ankle-snapping lunge on Leo Messi on Sunday night.

Gorka Iraizoz

The LLL curse strikes again. A day after the blog was praising the Athletic keeper to the highest of heavens, Gorka had an absolute ‘mare against Sporting and gifted the first goal to the home side by dropping the ball at the feet of the admirably alert Miguel de las Cuevas. (Highlights here).

José Antonio Camacho

The Osasuna boss didn’t really get the chance to explain away a third match without a goal in the 2-0 defeat against Mallorca as there was a large advert parked right in front of Camacho’s face in the post match press conference meaning that only the tippy top of his head was visible.

David Trezeguet

The polite thing to write is that the French striker now plying his trade at Hércules is still finding his Gallic feet in la Primera after three more whopping chances were missed, to go with the open goal effort blown against Barcelona, last weekend. However, LLL suspects Trezeguet will be reaching double figures, this season.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Thanks to a very alert camera man from Gol TV on Saturday night, Real Madrid fans were able to enjoy the sight of Cristiano ‘no me in team’ Ronaldo reacting to his free-kick - and subsequent winning goal - by walking away in a huff and slamming his hands into his sides in frustration. It needed a shove and a “what’s wrong with you hug?” from Marcelo before Ronaldo broke into a half-hearted smile.

“An individualist and wrong on most of his decisions,” wrote AS on the forward’s performance against La Real.

Levante

The Valencia club’s wonderfully dotty defense was on display again, on Sunday, with Villarreal twice putting through goal-grabbing balls that left the going backwards back four a long way behind. (Highlights here).

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The Roof-Building Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:03:00 GMT

Round 3 preview, featuring toilets, pie and Shakira....

SATURDAY
Espanyol (12th) v Almería (14th)
Considering grey skies and rain have returned to the Spanish capital after a horribly sunny summer, LLL is going to start with something belly-gurglingly happy today: the very welcome sight of super-sensational slaphead Ivan de la Peña, back playing football for Espanyol last weekend against Villarreal after nearly a year out with complete body-knack [No, it's true – Medical Ed.]. “After 10 months without competing, it’s incredible to feel like a footballer again,” beamed the hairless hero. “I’m going to face every match as if it were my last and only live in the present.”
LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (18th) v Osasuna (16th)
No goals scored by either of these two teams so far this season. But that won’t stop the should-know-better La Liga Loca tuning in at 6pm like the buffoon that it is to watch this dynamic duo come face-to-face.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Sporting (13th) v Athletic Bilbao (11th)
Iker Casillas, Pepe Reina, Víctor Valdés, Andrés Palop (maybe not at the moment), David de Gea, Daniel Aranzubía, Diego López, César Sánchez and Gorka Iraizoz – nine Spanish goalkeepers who are probably better than anything England have got.

And if Friday’s AS is to be believed, the fella named last on that lengthy list may well be proving that tremendously bold and Joe Hart-ignoring assertion in the Premier League sooner rather than later, with the Basque man at the back said to be in Arsenal’s sights to replace countryman Manuel Almunía.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Real Sociedad (4th) v Real Madrid (5th)
Visitors to the Santiago Bernabeu may have thought that there were a number of things missing from the stadium - an atmosphere, goals and (thanks to a tractor oil leak) a playable pitch.

But LLL can’t imagine that anyone has ever gone there thinking that what the ground really lacks is a roof, considering rain is a fairly rare occurrence in Madrid and there are already overhead heaters over the fans to warm their pampered cockles, meaning that there is less chance of freezing than there is of being grilled alive.

However, construction company owner Florentino Pérez feels that this is exactly what is required in Real Madrid’s home. “We are working on a roofing system for the stands. It won’t be easy,” announced the club president at the club’s AGM on Sunday.

It’s a move that has produced a rare example of dissent from Marca, with the often feisty and frequently brilliant Roberto Palomar complaining about the engineering background of Pres Pérez.

“Once again, this man’s obsession with building work comes out. Cold, heat, rain and wind form part of football,” wrote the columnist in Monday’s edition. “If he was a plumber then he’d put a toilet in the middle of the pitch.”

The appearance of Lady Gago on the occasional team-sheet would suggest that the Bernabeu has already got one.
LLL Prediction - Away win

SUNDAY
Hércules (9th) v Valencia (2nd)
The brilliant brace against Barça last weekend by Nelson Valdez certainly made the Paraguayan forward a popular man in Alicante, with shirts with his name flying out of the shop like nobody’s business.

But this doesn’t mean that his fantastic feats won plaudits over the rest of Spain - certainly not within Marca’s readership, anyway. Every week, the newspaper’s website has a poll to choose their footballer of the weekend, with the votes added up to pick an overall winner at the end of the season.

In the most recent round of action, Mesut Ozil was the winner with Diego Forlán nestled in second place. In third, it was of course Raúl. Not really. It was the new Raúl, Cristiano Ronaldo, for his assist against Osasuna. Little Leo Messi managed to end up in fifth despite being rubbish and finishing on the losing side, whilst Iker Casillas made eighth when even his own manager said that he had nothing to do.

Unfortunately, Valdez was nowhere to be seen in the top 15 - the last spot was taken by Xavi - meaning that Alicante is pretty much the only place his efforts will be rewarded this season.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Racing (19th) v Zaragoza (17th)
And there was LLL writing that Barcelona and Villarreal might be the best place to catch a bit of sexy football this season. Apparently, all the fun to be had is with Racing Santander up in cow-crazy Cantabria.

AS report that Miguel Angel Portugal’s men have been going nuts with the fantasy football in the club’s opening two matches, this season. Unfortunately it has all been for nothing with Racing still without a point or goal. “We are having fun but risking too much,” was how the paper reported the message from the Santander dressing room.

“We don’t know how long we can keep on playing like this without picking up points,” admits Gonzalo Colsa ahead of a clash against a Zaragoza side that conceded five in 34 minutes last Sunday, meaning that this initially less than enticing encounter might be the one to watch this weekend.
LLL Prediction - Home win

Levante (20th) v Villarreal (6th)
So, given the choice, out of all the players in Spain’s World Cup winning squad, which one would you go for a beer with? Gerard Pique and Sergio Ramos too rowdy for you?

Carles Puyol? Ah yes. The hair. The staring. The embarrassment.

What about Joan Capdevila, the soon-to-be-forgotten man of the Spanish squad? And if you think the blog is being a tad harsh there, that was the vibe from the left-back himself in an interview with Marca last weekend.

According to those who have met the Villarreal man, Joan Capdevila is as nice as pie. Indeed, LLL has the impression that the defender is the morale-boosting but less irritating version of Pepe Reina in La Seleccíon’s dressing room.

“I recognise that I don’t have the talent of my teammates in the Spanish team,” said an endearingly modest Capdevila. “I see Iniesta playing and all the others and think, ‘I’d pay to watch them!’"

Well, if it makes you feel any better Joan, LLL would pay to have a drink with you. Or does that sound a bit wrong?
LLL Prediction - Away win

Atlético Madrid (1st) v Barcelona (8th)
Whenever a Spanish team plays in Greece or Turkey it always sets off a series of “Welcome to hell” headlines in Marca and AS, when those banners should be really be reserved for when Peterborough make it into a European competition one day.

It was same old story for Atlético’s trip to Thessaloniki in a very ‘meh’ 1-0 defeat to Aris in the Europa League, where the only thing especially scary was the enormous amount of confetti on the pitch and the ball boys who suddenly gathered to stare menacingly at Sara Carbonero’s bum as she gave her pitchside reports for Telecinco.

It’s more fun fair for Atleti on Sunday with the visit of Barcelona, in an encounter which averages three goals and frequently sees the Rojiblancos on top at the end of the evening. Not unlike Gerard Pique, currently suffering a caved-in head to go with the split lip, bruised face and crushed gonads experienced in the World Cup.

“I’m going through a bad spell when I’m on the end of everything,” chuckled the Barça defender, who may be suffering from some kind of cosmic karma due to being so close to Shakira.
LLL Prediction - Away win

Málaga (10th) v Sevilla (3rd)
Oh dear. Another calamitous result for Sevilla in Europe with a 1-0 home defeat to PSG is very bad news indeed for coach Antonio Alvarez, who is walking the tightrope of doom.

“I spoke quietly with the president and Monchi,” explained Alvarez after the French fiasco. “We discussed the game and have agreed the match is already history.” So will his career at Sevilla be if they lose to Málaga on Sunday.
LLL Prediction - Draw

Deportivo (15th) v Getafe (7th)
The press area of Getafe’s Coliseum stadium was quite exotic on Sunday, and not because of the presence of La Liga Loca. There were a couple of Danish gentlemen there too. Being the nosy type, the blog saw that one was a journalist because he was writing and stuff on a laptop.

But the second Nordic visitor was a lot more interesting in that he was making notes on pads with football fields drawn on to it. “A scout from Odense,” suspected LLL remembering that the Danish outfit were in town on Thursday for a Europa League clash.

It was better than that. It turned out that it was Viggo Jensen, Odense’s assistant coach. Unfortunately, the story has an unhappy ending considering Jensen, along with the club’s entire management team, was fired a few days later making the whole exercise a fairly futile trip really, aside from the honour and privilege of sitting in front of FourFourTwo’s finest.

Jensen also got miss a return to Coliseum for the footballing gift that keeps on giving - Javier Arizmendi. On Sunday, the striker scuffed a shot so badly it fooled everyone on both teams and dribbled unmolested into the back of Levante’s net. On Thursday night, it was double delight with Arizmendi managing to score for both sides in Getafe’s 2-1 win over Viggo-free Odense, which was watched by just 2,000 fans thanks to the insanely high €50 ticket prices.
LLL Prediction - Goalless Draw

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Ronaldo calls for cheers not jeers

Tim Stannard — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 14:01:00 GMT

To boo or not too boo, that is the question.

Well, it certainly is up at Castle Greyskull these days where the big bouncy topic of conversation has been whether ‘tis right to jeer rather than cheer when one is bored out of one’s skull when watching one’s team.

A line in the sand has been drawn over how to react to Saturday’s turgid win over Osasuna at the Bernabeu, when the Real Madrid players were booed off the pitch at half-time by those supporters who had managed to smuggle enough amphetamines into the stadium to keep them awake for the entire 45 minutes of torturous tedium.

On one side are Cristiano Ronaldo and his fan club newsletter, Marca. The windbag wing wizard went before the press on Monday to remind the Madridista posse that “the energy used to boo is the same that's used to support us,” in the same way that the energy used to keep on running is similar to that used to fall over like a big girl’s blouse and look up at the referee every five minutes, perhaps.

“It’s better that they help by motivating us to get better,” added the mardy Madeiran.

Once again, Marca are right behind Ronaldo - figuratively speaking - with Tuesday’s editorial pleading that “Cristiano is only asking that the fans give their backing to the project,” and that everyone should be on their best cheering behaviour for the visit of Ajax on Wednesday.

The increasingly rebellious AS spent the weekend moaning that Real Madrid were stinkier than Ever Banega’s mousemat and - in stark contrast to Marca - went face-to-face with ‘CR7’ with Pedro P. San Martin warning that “Cristiano runs the risk of making a mistake if he carries on down this road.”

“If Cristiano is upset because people boo, he should reflect on if he is doing something wrong,” tutted the columnist in response to Ronaldo’s stropette.

Being the super-cool Madrid merchant that he is, José Mourinho said on Saturday night that the home supporters could do whatever they wanted considering they paid his wages, but by Tuesday at the press conference ahead of the Champions League clash with his Dutch opponents the Real boss was as bored of the affair as fans of Madrid’s performance were and said to the journalists that “the debate is yours, not ours.”

Mesut Ozil was staying well out of the discussion with the German midfielder noting diplomatically, but quite incorrectly, in Marca that “our fans always support us and want the team to win.”

There was no booing to be heard at the Camp Nou where culés saw a cracking Champions League display - after a wobbly start and a goal for Panathinaikos - to beat the Greeks 5-1. Leo Messi was best of the bunch with a brace that has seen the local press back to their normal levels of hyperbole.

“Pure Barça!” yelled the front cover of Mundo Deportivo with Santi Nolla feeling that “Barça showed there is nothing to worry about after the disaster against Hércules.”

Sport were sailing on the same boat of bravado and felt that the Champions League win “proved and confirmed that the defeat against Hércules was an accident.”

Speaking of accidents and disasters, it turned out to be a very good night indeed for Roberto Soldado with the Valencia striker grabbing his side’s fourth of the evening after a tremendous tonking of Turkish side, Bursaspor to make it a fine Tuesday evening indeed for Spain in the Champions League.

You can follow La Liga Loca during FourFourTwo.com’s comprehensive coverage of all tonight’s Champions League games.

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Peed-off Pep backs Barça bounce-back

Tim Stannard — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 11:09:00 GMT

La Liga Loca has got an awful a lot in common with Pep Guardiola.

We're not talking about the Barça manager’s hairline that has not so much receded since he took over at the Camp Nou, as retreated to a retirement village somewhere near Alicante to see out the rest of its days.

Nor are we referring to Pep’s latest pitch-side fashion statement that sees the Barcelona boss dressing like a Mormon.

And LLL certainly isn’t suggesting that it too has a Freddie Mercury-style overbite.

Instead, LLL knows exactly what it is like to have to be consistently brilliant on a daily basis in order to keep millions of fans all over the world happy. However, unlike Barcelona, the blog has never had a ‘Hércules moment’ where standards were dropped to such a level that a team featuring Royston Drenthe was allowed to come away with all three points.

However, LLL - which is currently soaking up the sweat and fending off the pickpockets in the Catalan capital - can feel a sense of relief from the Camp Nou with Saturday’s defeat helping to reinforce the message that Pep Guardiola has been trying to deliver ever since he lead his side to the Treble.

It’s a message that has fallen time and time again on completely deaf ears - the notion that Barça may occasionally lose games and just because they do it doesn’t mean the club is in a full-on panic-stricken, Guti-doing-his-five-times-table, hand flapping crisis.

It was a noticeably cranky Guardiola on display at the press conference ahead of Tuesday’s Champions League clash between Panathinaikos and his Dream Boys. “This was a defensive discourse,” noted J.M Artells in Mundo Deportivo. “He was paternalistic with his players.”

Mundo Deportivo’s main man was referring to Guardiola huffing that “maybe we’ll have the worst season in our history but it is impossible to have doubts over my players,” and Pep’s assertion that “I can’t promise a treble. We’ll do our best to beat Panathinaikos and see what happens.”

It was performance before the press that Sport enjoyed with Joan Vehils gurgling that “I always feel that Pep is more natural when he is hacked off”.

Joan’s paper - as to be expected - are fully behind the Dream Boys and are looking forward to the visit of the Greeks as a way to wipe Saturday’s Camp Nou calamity from the memory.

“Let the goals return!” trumpets Tuesday’s front cover over a photo of David Villa with the paper then heralding the start of “Operation Wembley 2.0” by hoping that Barça can repeat their 1992 Champions League final win in the same stadium - all be it, shifted to the side a bit.

“What was won yesterday, isn’t worth anything today,” claims the calling for a clean slate Josep María Casanovas who will undoubtedly go back on his words whenever some emergency taunting of Real Madrid is required.

Squeezed into the middle pages of most of Tuesday’s papers, it’s Valencia and their return to the Champions League after two years and nine months of presidential problems and almost complete economic meltdown.

“It’s been too long,” notes Pedro Morata in AS. “From the end of the Soler era and all its consequences: Soriano, Dalport, economic warfare, the Valencia Generalitat saving the club...”

The Mestalla men are in Turkey and hoping to avoid a stuffing against Bursaspor. And in charge of picking up at least a point from the group-opening affair is Roberto Soldado, a striker who claims that “playing in the Champions League is the best thing a footballer can feel,” as Juan Mata cleared his voice noisily in the background whilst fondling his World Cup medal.

LLL hopes that the former Getafe forward is a little more accurate on Tuesday night.

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Good Day, Bad Day - Round 2

Tim Stannard — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 10:16:00 GMT

Good Day  

Hércules  

Well, LLL didn’t see that one coming and anyone else who predicted Barcelona being butt-rumbled at the Camp Nou is a liar, liar, pants of fire - apart from Hércules coach, Esteban Vigo, who seemed fairly confident of pulling something spectacular off before the game.

Vigo apparently showed DVD’s of the Inter v Barça clashes from last season’s Champions League as inspiration ahead of the game and it seemed to do the trick with Hércules hustling away in midfield and counter-attacking with some panache.  

New striker Nelson Valdez was certainly impressive, but what LLL is most looking forward to this season from Hércules is the sight of Bambi (whilst wasted) on ice Royston Drenthe getting regular run-outs during his loan spell from Real Madrid.

  It was the Dutch winger who whacked in the free-kick that caused so much Barça box based bedlam for the first goal and it was Drenthe who was grinning like the loon he is after the game after a cracking 2-0 win for his new team.   

Atlético Madrid  

Now that was fun. After being stunned into a stupor at the Santiago Bernabeu, LLL returned to its abode to enjoy an immense footballing affair (the second half, anyway). A proper crowd and two teams going at each other like a couple of lagered up, love-struck chavs on the back seat of an East London bus.   

The Rojiblancos came out on top - as it were - with a 2-1 win, with Marca noting that “this Atlético is to be taken seriously.”  

Real Madrid

And that’s why José Mourinho is at the Santiago Bernabeu. It was a game won by the narrowest of margins according to the 1-0 scoreline, but there was not a choc-ice in Maniche’s freezer’s chance of Osasuna getting anything from the game.   

Of the two Madrid-based papers it was AS who were most critical with the standard of football served up on Saturday night. “At the moment, they are boring us, it has to be said loud and clear,” grumbled the AS editor, Alfredo Relaño, in Sunday’s edition.  

The wonderfully loony mad Madridista, Tomás Roncero, was in agreement, but is willing to accept the whole ‘pragmatic’ nature of his team’s new football stylings. “Mourinho’s Madrid plays little football, is ugly, but they’ve not lost a game since he began in the summer.”  

Mesut Ozil  

Sometimes LLL wonders what everyone else is smoking. Especially those working on Spanish TV. The blog has now heard two stations comparing the perky performance from the German midfielder against Osasuna to something Guti would have produced.

  Considering the game from the goggle-eyed, gothic Goliath was industrious, fast-paced, tricksy and involved a fair amount of tackling back too, LLL would suggest that such comparisons with Lord Lazy Bones were somewhat wide of the mark. In the Fernando Gago taking a shot sense of the word ‘wide’.   

Golden Oldie Goalies  

This crutch-clutching pair may have the knees made of wood and wonky backs but there were fine performances from Osasuna’s Ricardo (38) in the Santiago Bernabeu and super César Sánchez (39) for Valencia on Saturday.   

The Pamplonans’ man between the posts probably stopped a 3-0 defeat to Real Madrid with a couple of point blank saves from Gonzalo Higuaín, making him about the only Osasuna player to do anything even remotely noteworthy at the Bernabeu.  

Meanwhile, Sánchez stopped everything that a surprisingly feisty Racing hurled at him. He even did a bit of hurling himself - in the abuse sense - with a whopping wail of whining at visiting Swedish striker Markus Rosenburg who, LLL can only imagine, had no idea of what was being yelled at him.  

Villarreal   

Villarreal may well be the most fun side to watch in la Primera, this season. For most of Sunday’s 4-0 tonking of Espanyol, the Madrigal outfit were pinging the ball about like nobody’s business. A fairly solid central midfield pairing of Marcos Senna and Bruno is allowing Borja Valero and the in-form Santi Cazorla to swarm about like the busiest of bees.   

The match produced two goals from Twitter legend, Giuseppe Rossi, who revealed later that night how he celebrated a fine evening for himself and his team - “btw killed @JozyAltidore17 at Family Feud on the IPad...whattt!!!!”  

Javier Arizmendi

  LLL was not disappointed by the comic cameo from the great man on Sunday when the blog headed down to the Coliseum. Getafe’s gangly goofball came on midway through the second half, did next to nothing, but then swung a boot at a free ball in injury time and scuffed it with such élan that it confused everyone and dribbled into the back of the net to seal a 4-1 against Levante.

  Málaga

  Looked like the magic Málaga of two years ago with their first half 5-0 demolition of Zaragoza. Looked like the Málaga of last year by going on to concede three in the wackiest game of the weekend.  

Bad Day

  Barcelona  

When LLL left for the Bernabeu to catch Madrid’s match which kicked off straight after the Camp Nou encounter, Barça were 1-0 behind to Hércules. But, like everyone else, the blog expected to see Pep’s Dream Boys well in control of the game after the initial blip by the time it reached the gates of Castle Greyskull.

Instead, the blog discovered that Hércules had doubled their lead and had it not been for the lamest shot ever from David Trezeguet, it would have been three for the visitors.   The Barça-barmy press no doubt had to do an awful lot of rewrites after the encounter, ditching the usual ‘we’re great, Madrid suck’ pieces and were a little bit at a loss to explain away the defeat.

  “There’s no excuses,” wrote Joan Batlle in Sport before proceeding to give long list of them including the Spain against Argentina game, the travel, the lack of preparation time and squad rotations.  

Adriano  

A light touch to the face from the arm of David Trezeguet - who he was squaring up to - and he went down with the falling flat on the back, face-clutching antics that LLL was hoping had finally gone out of fashion with footballers.   

Levante  

Six goals conceded and naff-all points sees Levante at the bottom of the table already and with LLL having seen them up close and personal on Sunday, it is hard to see anything but relegation for the Valencia outfit.   

The last time that the very cash-strapped club spent any money on a player was in 2007. Since then Levante have made 39 free signings.

And that’s why the line-up on Sunday made the visitors look like la Liga’s version of The Expendables with familiar - and increasing old faces - such as Sergio Ballesteros, Pallardó, Javi Venta, Valdo and Munúa all getting a game.   Leo Franco  The former Atleti keeper made a quiet return to la Liga when joining Zaragoza over the summer.

The Argentinean has certainly been noticed now by conceding five first half goals against Málaga in a performance of high comedy.  “There are no explanations,” admitted Zaragoza coach José Aurelio Gay after the 5-3 loss. “Anything would be ridiculous.”  

Deportivo  

A second 0-0 this season - the third in a row in la Primera, if you count last the campaign - sees Deportivo going for the no goals scored, but none conceded approach this season. A cunning plan indeed.

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The Burger King-Sponsored Predictions

Tim Stannard — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 10:36:00 GMT

Saturday

Barcelona v Hércules

There is something peculiar going on at Marca. Well, there is something even more peculiar going on at Marca than normal. Just look at the face of the paper’s director Eduardo Inda, someone who has the permanently bemused but not unduly bothered expression of a journalist being goosed by a courgette.

All of a sudden, the paper has suddenly started being incredibly nice to Barcelona. Some naive souls who know little better would suggest the paper is simply acknowledging a fine sporting institution that is arguably the best football team at the world at the moment.

LLL knows that this is poppycock - Real Madrid fill this role in Marcaworld - but it has another explanation for a gushing editorial in Tuesday’s edition that praised new club president who has imposed a code of ethics at the Catalan club. “Leaders like Sandro Rosell should be welcomed into Spanish football,” oozed the paper. “Up to now, the behaviour of the brand new president has been irreproachable.”

The blog suspects that this sudden change in Marca’s winds may have something to do with the paper making amends for their disgraceful - some would say vile - front page from the previous week that completely misrepresented a photograph of José Mourinho and Pep Guardiola together, suggesting that the Barça boss was reluctant to shake the hand of the man from Madrid.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia v Racing

And so Racing’s grand early season ar*e-kicking tour of Spain continues with a trip to Mestalla. Round one saw Barcelona arrive, yawn, scratch their junk, score within three minutes, score two more, then go home. This time it will be Valencia paddling some Cantabrian booty on Saturday night.

There may be have a chance for blossoming cheeks to whiten with the visit of Zaragoza next week, but after that respite its Sevilla, the mighty Getafe and Villarreal to come.

If Valencia weren’t already fairly confident over tanning Racing’s hide on Saturday, they could be super confident of doing so with the unveiling of their new Anfield style “whooo, we’re so scary!” painted tunnel decorations. As the Racing players stand around before running out onto the Mestalla pitch, they will be reminded of all the trinkets won by their opponents over the years and come face to face with the terrifying war cry “Win! Win! Win” painted onto the tunnel roof.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid v Osasuna

La Liga Loca knew that watching basketball was bad for you. It certainly is for Guti whose tiny brain seems even more addled than usual these days. The former Madridista was pictured, this week, watching Spain getting knocked out of the basketball World Championships in Turkey by....er....another team of tall people.

But he has been busy elsewhere by chatting with a Spanish radio station and moaning about the manner of his departure from the club were he spent 15 years doing just 15 notable things in that period.

Unsurprisingly, having announced that he hated the place and couldn’t wait to get out before last season was over, the club’s send-off in July was a fairly low key one. And the shy-and-retiring Guti is not happy about this at all with the complaint that “both Raúl and I needed something more.”

La Liga Loca agrees. Whilst Raúl deserved being carried out of the Bernabeu on the shoulders of mermaids and maidens for all that he has done for the club, Guti’s exit deserved greater fanfare - a giant, golden catapult in the shape of a boot to launch the number 14 over and out of the stadium, perhaps?

Anyway, Guti doesn’t care that much anyway. “It would be ridiculous to waste time with a team I didn’t want to be in,” he huffed.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic Bilbao v Atlético Madrid

AS in whining mode on Friday morning over poor Kun, Kun, Kun. Thanks to the work of a minion on what must have been a very slow day in AS-land, the world now knows that the Atleti forward has travelled 46, 374 km for Argentina over their last eight games, playing just 147 mins in the process. That’s 311 km on the road for every minute on the pitch apparently.

Quite what this all means LLL has no idea at all, but the paper did bring good news that Diego Forlán had a couple of weeks off with Uruguay having a bit of a country-sized rest during the international break. And he has put it to very good use indeed judging by this photo.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sunday

Sporting v Mallorca

Considering photos of Michael Laudrup have pride of place in LLL’s slightly sinister shrine of heroes, the blog was most upset to discover this week that thieves had broken into the Great Dane’s house and stolen a watch and some money.

Thankfully Laudrup’s all round dreaminess remained untouched.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Zaragoza v Málaga

Rather than seeing the loan spell till January with Stoke as a chance to stock up on beef Oxo cubes and Red Leicester cheese before returning to la Liga, it seems that Jermaine Pennant is looking to make the swap from la Primera to the Potteries a permanent one.

“I’ve missed the Premier League,” said Pennant before really getting to the bottom of the issue, “and missed team meetings and understanding the instructions I am getting.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe v Levante

In what can best be described as a supernova of activity, this week, the Spanish League (LFP) announced a plan to schedule some matches at 3pm from the start of 2011 to hook into countries in the Asian market. It is most unlikely that either of these two teams will be selected for such an honour.

However, LLL is not entirely sure if the LFP have grasped the notion that these same countries would like more than a couple of days notice of what the schedule for the weekend’s games will be - something Spanish fans and the rest of those who love la Liga have to endure every frackin’ week.

The other piece of news was the LFP announcing a prize for the best goal celebration of the season award in conjunction with their new sponsors, Burger King (come back Maniche, come back!).

LLL expects that Getafe forward Javier Arizmendi won’t need to worry his pretty little head about this particular accolade, too much.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal v Espanyol

If reports from Italy are to believed - and they are not, according to the man himself - then Giuseppe Rossi’s days are numbered at Villarreal with the striker hoping to go back to Italy in January. “I’m hoping to go back to Italy in January,” confirmed the former Manchester United. Supposedly.

Should that come to pass and Nilmar is left on his tod up front for the rest of Villarreal’s campaign, then Rossi fans can still keep up to date with Giuseppe’s life with his curiously entertaining Twittersite,@GiuseppeRossi22

You can read about how thrilled he is to be back training with the Italian national side - “ok...so my days here r kinda boring...its literally sleep, practice, eat, sleep, practice, eat...........yeah, exactly like that.” His thoughts about Roger Federer - “Wait......please tell me u guys saw Federer's shot between the legs....SICKKK!!!!!” And not forgetting his concert going plans, of course - “guess who got tickets for the EMINEM and JAYZ concert at Yankees Stadiu ?? ya boyyyy did....”

Genius.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sevilla v Deportivo

Excellent news for a Friday ahoy! Alvaro Negredo appears to be having a miserable time at Sevilla having become a target for the critics in the stands. LLL can’t think why.

“Nobody likes to be booed. Especially not at home,” complained the striker, who can now look forward to a double dose on Sunday afternoon after his midweek whine.

And it’s even more excellent news for a Friday ahoy from La Coruña! Deportivo are set to report that the club’s debt has been reduced by €57 million over the past two years.

The less excellent news is that it still stands at €103m, according to AS. And that’s not forgetting that watching Depor in action in the footballing equivalent of enduring root canal work performed by a drunken chimp.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Monday

Almería v Real Sociedad

Yay! It’s the return of the very excellent Juanma Lillo to Spanish TV screens on Monday night, in a televised - in some places - Monday night clash. The Almería boss is taking on a side he managed for a season and a bit before moving to the south coast but feels that both his new and old club will be in a relegation fight, this season.

And for the title? Lillo has a fairly pessimistic prediction. “Madrid and Barcelona will both get over 100 points and then in no particular order, Atlético, Valencia, Sevilla, Getafe, Villarreal...and the rest.”

LLL Prediction - Away win

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