Zlat the Splat turns Serie A into the walking dead

Richard Whittle — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:23:00 GMT

RESULTS Sat 20 Nov Roma 2-0 Udinese, AC Milan 1-0 Fiorentina Sun 21 Nov Genoa 0-2 Juventus, Brescia 1-2 Cagliari, Catania 1-0 Bari, Cesena 1-2 Palermo, Chievo 2-1 Internazionale, Lecce 2-3 Sampdoria, Parma 1-1 Lazio, Napoli 4-1 Bologna

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has claimed he is nothing more than a zombie at the moment, stumbling around throughout the week in a daze until he gets a scent of matchday.

Then, like a character from The Walking Dead, he goes tearing lumps out of any unfortunate soul within his reach. Last week it was Marco Materazzi and on Saturday it was Fiorentina’s Per Kroldrup.

The Inter he-man had to be taken to A&E after coming off second-best to a flying taekwondo kick, while the gangly Dane was dragged around the San Siro like a rag-doll before he plucked up a bit of courage to lash out at his tormentor – only for his yapping to the referee to result in his own red card.

By that stage he was a hapless heap of quivering flesh anyway, which has been the case for just about every backline in the league when the big man starts pounding into them – and there's nothing they can do about it.

The way things are going AC Milan will win the league at a canter unless someone (or something) halts the Swede marauding around the country every weekend.

Serie A defenders like to think they are made of the right stuff but now that Ibra has settled back into life in Italy no one has been able to hang in there for more than a few rounds.

Giorgio Chiellini could be a contender, having gone the distance with his old sparring partner in the past (see video), but unfortunately we never got the opportunity to witness a bit of rough-house recently: the defender with the face of a battered punchbag failed to get through the pre-game warm-up without inflicting injury upon himself.

So far the only man man enough to stand toe to toe with Zlat The Splat has been the 200-pound Oguchi Onyewu – but unfortunately for the rest of the league the American bruiser is also employed by Milan although he could become of some use if he secures a loan switch to another Italian side in January.

In the meantime, there is no one taller, tougher or with more physical presence than the Rossoneri Rumbler: eight goals so far this campaign and the matchwinner in the last two outings has ensured that no one can mess with a side that had always put brain before brawn in the past.

Not that it is all bluster with Ibra – as witnessed by his Viola-dispatching bicycle-kick at the weekend. After scoring he threw his arm skywards with such gusto that there seemed for a moment that the limb would fly off into the stands.

Ibs has been accused of lacking heart and a team ethic in the past but not anymore and for all the intricacy of passing that made Milan stand out there has never been a real focal point for the attack since Andriy Shevchenko moved on.

Now the Scandinavian thrives on the menace he provides in the area of confrontation so vital in Italian football – imposing your will on the defence.

Massimiliano Allegri would love that his enforcer could veg out now and again at the weekend but three points ahead of Lazio at the top of the table and a whopping nine in front of Inter means that the coach will be throwing his hit-man opposition shirts to sniff in every pre-game training session from now on.

And what of the other daddy of the league: the player brought to Inter to replace Ibra, Samuel Eto’o? Well, frustration, pent-up rage and in the end a poor imitation of a Zinedine Zidane headbutt on Chievo’s Bostjan Cesar summed up his current state of mind.

It wasn’t that convincing really; more as if he was wiping sweat off his brow against the defender’s sternum than attempting to puncture his enemy's chest, as the Frenchman had seemingly endeavoured to do to Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup Final.

Verona is the city of broken hearts, where Milan’s own title dreams have been put to the sword in the past, and now it was the turn of the current champions to commit their own scudetto suicide on a grey old Sunday.

Not a cheery tale to tell, what with the one-time lords of the manor down to sixth in the table and the only player seemingly able to lift his game above the mediocre now facing anything up to a four-game ban.

Taking advantage of the waning Rafa Benitez’s fruitless time at the court of Moratti are Napoli, Juventus and AS Roma, who all enjoyed victories at the weekend.

Lazio remained just ahead of the Neapolitans in second after a draw at Parma. However, there is one team – or should that be one man – standing head and shoulders above the rest, and as long as Ibra’s is taking no nonsense Milan will continue to knock the opposition off one by one.

Meet football's Bill Murray

Richard Whittle — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 10:42:00 GMT

The story of Luis Jimenez bears some resemblance to the 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day.

The midfielder is no run-of-the-mill footballer, having worn the shirts of Fiorentina, Lazio, Inter and West Ham.

The Chile international spent the second half of last season at Parma but as ever he has ended up returning to the backwater of Terni, tucked into the rolling green countryside of Umbria, from which he cannot escape.

The local team go by the name of Ternana and it was for them that Jimenez pitched up in 2002 having secured a dream move to Europe from Club Deportivo Palestino.

It was meant to be a mere staging post on what had all the makings of a stellar career for a player nicknamed “The Magician” but every August for the last eight years, there he is getting ready for another campaign with the Prima Divisione side hoping that the bad dream will finally come to an end.

As he rewinds his day each time the same story unfolds: Ternana are willing to sell but the price is never right.

Jiminez in happier times (despite the kit...)

He thought he had found a way out in 2006 when Fiorentina took the stylish playmaker on a co-ownership deal of €2.5 million, but Ternana would not release him from their steely grip, feeling that they could get even more for him if he extended his contract with a club which had its sights set on promotion from Serie B.

That never came to pass, and after a thoroughly disheartening loan spell at Lazio it seemed that the mighty Inter would exert enough political muscle to sway the minnows when they took him on another co-ownership move in 2007.

A mixture of injury and loss of form saw poor Luis shipped off to West Ham for another forgettable loan spell which was only ended when Parma came to the rescue – even though it was all too late to secure a World Cup place with his country.

The last discussion with Nerazzurri owner Massimo Moratti came in June and was apparently terminated abruptly when Ternana, having laughed off Inter's €1.9m bid, came back with a counter-suggestion of €4m. Parma were willing to go as high as €3.5m but once again that seemingly inviting sum was turned down.

The Chilean would probably quite fancy a return to Inter

Not only is the 26-year-old missing out on top-flight football, but having pocketed an annual salary of €1.1million at Inter he's now back on a measly €100,000 a year, with his contract not expiring until 2013. Maybe it's time to find a new agent…

Jiminez still possesses all the trappings of a Serie A star, arriving at training in a black Porsche and eating out at a restaurant everyday (even if it's the same one he used to frequent when he first arrived at the club).

He's even shipped mum and dad over for a prolonged holiday and to help out with looking after his triplets, who were born in June.

Despite the misfortune that has dogged his football career, Jiminez's dashing smile helped him win over Maria Jose Lopez – a model and sometime show girl on Italian television who was axed from the football show Controcampo for revealing a little too much to the viewers one Sunday evening.

To heap further woes on her husband, she was then rumoured to have had a fling with another Chilean player, Mauricio Pinilla – although if recent events are anything to go by all is fine and dandy in the Jimenez household now.

However, for hubby, he's still having the worst football day of his life over and over again.

The story of Luis Jimenez bears some resemblance to the 1993 Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day.

The midfielder is no run-of-the-mill footballer, rather a pla...(that's enough of that - Ed)

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Serie Aaaaargh!… : Lazio, Fiorentina

Zlat the Splat turns Serie A into the walking dead

Meet football's Bill Murray