The Draw Specialist

It's like Match of the Day, but with stickmen

Rob Carey

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Prem Sketch: Dr Evil & Mr Dive

Tuesday 19 October 2010 11:01

After a dramatic week in the courts it looks like we’ve finally seen the last of former Liverpool owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett. At least they gave us all a good chuckle as they left; Tom "Dr Evil" Hicks, with little finger in mouth, announced from his tropical island hideout that he is aiming to sue the whole of Britain for, wait for it, "ONE BILLION DOLLARS!"

However, Liverpool's on-field problems continued with a 2-0 loss to Everton in the Mersey derby. New owner John Henry, who also owns baseball’s Boston Red Sox, admitted it’s going to take some time for him to adjust to this new sport. That said, Lucas Leiva, Maxi Rodriguez & Co sure made their new boss felt right at home: Henry is used to watching his players standing around doing nothing but scratching their bums all game.

Further up England's exotic West Coast at Bloomfield Road, another tremendous display from Blackpool saw them just fall short of a deserved point against Manchester City. The Sea-Sea-Seasiders managed to give City a real run for their endless supply of money and should feel a little hard done by, as at least one of Carlos Tevez’s goals should have been ruled out.

Substitute David Silva notched his first and City’s third goal, and what a wonderful way to open his account with this week’s goal of the week. Receiving the ball just outside the Blackpool area, the Spaniard jinked his way through the Tangerines and finished with a plum, sorry aplomb, curling a banana shot past the fruitless efforts of keeper Matt Gilks whose effort was fruitless. A real peach of a goal.

If City can keep this run going and finish in the top four, there’s every chance that beer bellies worldwide will be bursting the seams of sky blue shirts instead of those of their red neighbours – who once again let a two-goal lead slip. The grateful recipients of this week’s generous Manchester United defending were West Brom, who look to be in real danger of staying up this season.

The culprit for United this time was the usually reliable Edwin van der Sar, dropping a cross in a manner that Roy Carroll would be proud of, and allowing Baggies’ Somen Tchoyi a tapped-in equaliser.

With Wayne Rooney and his boss not seeing eye to eye and Nani unable to replicate his former team-mate Cristiano Ronaldo every week United could struggle to keep up with the league leaders. Could the bragging rights in Manchester finally be switching from red to blue?

Talking of Ronaldo, it looks like the Premier League has finally found his replacement, but not in the step-over, sprint down the wing, step-over, cut inside, double step-over, hammer the ball into the net and invite team-mates over to join the celebration even though they don’t really want to kind of way.

He’s already pulled off the hairstyle, now Arsenal’s Marouane Chamakh is trying to emulate the Portugeezer’s ability to win a penalty with defenders 10 yards away, and he pulled it off to perfection this weekend during his side’s home win against Birmingham. But with referees forgetting to book players for cheating and the FA unwilling to enforce retroactive action through video evidence, what do players have to lose?

So let’s try to get our game back: it’s time to name and shame. This week the Draw Specialist Hall of Shame opens and Mr Chamakh has just picked up an enormous pair of scissors and cut the ribbons.

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About Rob Carey

Behind Alan Shearer, Rob is hoping to become England’s second most famous son of a sheet metal worker. He spent most of his childhood worshipping Kenny Dalglish, running around muddy pitches, collecting Panini football stickers, and drawing the weekend’s football highlights in stickmen form.
Today he can be found in California worshipping the sun, hobbling through an over-30s’ match, collecting injuries, and drawing the weekend’s football highlights in stickmen form. He certainly wouldn’t say no to anyone offering him enormous sums of money to turn his blog One Pound The Large Flag into a book.