78: Boney, baldy, bendy and bonkers

Rob Carey — Tue, 25 May 2010 08:09:00 GMT

Kicking off as Boney M’s Rivers of Babylon stood at No.1 in the charts, Argentina 78 was a mysterious wonderland of ticker tape, cigarette-smoking managers, exotic kits, unrecognisable names and great mops of curly hair. And that was without Kevin Keegan.

After getting over the realisation that England weren’t in the competition – again – Britain relied on Scotland to do us proud. The Scots were on the march with Ally’s army, confidence high, and were certain they were coming home with the cup (because Ally McLeod made a promise Rafa would be proud of). But someone forget to let Peru and Iran know the plan: they took four points off the Scots in the first two games.

However, Scotland managed to spare their blushes by nearly qualifying for the second stage, beating the mighty Holland 3-2 in their final game. The game caused hundreds of Subbuteo Scotland players to be brutally disfigured, receiving receding hairlines via penknife surgery after the follically-challenged Archie Gemmill scored one of the greatest ever World Cup goals, jinking past what seemed like the entire Holland side and coolly chipping the advancing keeper.

The new official Adidas Tango match ball hypnotised us youngsters, partly because of its wonderful pattern, but mainly because it was named after a fizzy drink. Nelinho, like most of his Brazilian team mates, could bend the ball like a banana and against Italy he belted in an unbelievable swerving goal with the outside of his right boot.

Children could be seen replicating the strike on the school playgrounds the next day with their own “Tango”, which wasn’t hard to do as those days the only available balls were made of plastic and flew through the air like a burst balloon.

While Scotland were failing to live up to their own hype, Britain’s other representative, Welsh ref Clive Thomas, was doing his usual job of attempting to wrest the limelight from the players – stunningly successfully.

In the final minute of Brazil’s game against Sweden, Zico nodded home the winner from a 90th-minute corner – but Thomas claimed he had blown his whistle after the ball had left the Brazilian’s head and before it had entered the Swedish net. It was no surprise that the Welshman wasn't appointed for the final – a rare moment of common sense from FIFA.

Common sense was certainly missing from Peruvian keeper Ramón “El Loco” Quiroga. In the final minutes of his side’s game with Poland, Quiroga made his way up the field in search of an equaliser but was caught out by a quick clearance. Still in his opponents' half he took actions into his own hands, rugby-tackling the Polish attacker and picking up, rem, a yellow card.

The Argentinian-born keeper was never too far away from the headlines. With hosts Argentina needing to beat Peru by four clear goals to progress to the final, he picked the ball out of his net six times, and the Argentines were on their way to their first World Cup victory.

As Olivia Newton John claimed No.1 spot in the charts with You’re The One That I Want, the hosts got their hands on their object of desire as Holland’s total football couldn’t contain the firepower of Luque and Kempes and the hosts won 3-1 in extra time.

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82: The most amusingly disorganised World Cup ever

FourFourTwo Team — Wed, 12 May 2010 13:57:00 GMT

The 12th edition of the global game's get-together had more than its share of oopsies…

THE DRAW SPECIALISTS
Somebody had clearly been at the Rioja in Madrid before the World Cup draw. In a farcical series of events, the balls representing Peru and Chile were left out the draw completely, Scotland were put into the pot meant for Argentina and the cage containing the balls jammed, with one even falling out and splitting in half. Chaos ensued. Four years later, three young Mexican boys did a far better job.

NEW BALLS PLEASE
Adidas introduced a new ball, the Tango Espana. Although undeniably a delight to look at, its reputed "technological advances" backfired somewhat. The new rubber inlaid seams tore easily, leading to what could only be described as exploding balls. Genuine leather orbs were never used in the World Cup again.

LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION
The second round ‘Group of Death’ – involving Italy, Brazil and Argentina – was played out at Espanyol’s 43,000-capacity Estadio Sarria with fans clamouring desperately for tickets. Meanwhile, the lesser lights of Poland, Belgium and the Soviet Union rattled round in a half-filled Nou Camp – capacity 121,749. The Belgium–USSR game only drew a pitiful 45,000.

SILENCE PLEASE
The media fell foul of the Italy team after a series of unfounded rumours spread in the gutter press. One slur suggested that star striker Paolo Rossi and left-back Antonio Cabrini were having an affair, another claimed that the players have been seen "shooting up drugs". The squad decided on a media blackout – silenzio stampa – and the resulting siege mentality didn’t do their football much harm.

STROPS: PRODUCTIVE
Nobody emerged well from the Kuwait vs France game, but ref Myroslav Stupar had a particular shocker. After the Ukrainian awarded a controversial goal to the French, Kuwaiti FA president Sheikh Fahid Al-Ahmad Al-Sabah stormed onto the pitch in protest. The pressure he exerted – along with the Kuwaiti team’s 15-minute refusal to continue playing – led to Stupar overruling the strike. He lost his international refereeing credentials as a result.

"Right, lads - one out, all out"

DID YOU KNOW?
* Scotland made their fifth World Cup appearance without advancing beyond the first round. It wouldn't be their last.

* Algeria became the first African side to defeat European opposition in World Cup history, after beating West Germany 2-1.

* This was the first (and only) World Cup where national anthems were played on record, rather than by a live band.

* A record 109 teams entered the initial qualifying phase of the tournament. This dropped to 105 after the withdrawal of Ghana, Iran, Libya and Uganda.

* Argentina and England entered the World Cup in a state of armed conflict over the Falkland Islands. The Argentine military junta was under immense pressure and had invaded the Malvinas in a bid to regain popularity. "Perhaps our trip to Spain should have been cancelled," pondered Mario Kempes after the tournament.

* Italian defender Claudio Gentile was nicknamed Gadaffi because he was born in Libya. "He was like a hunting dog," says Mario Kempes about the ferocious man-marker. "If you went to the toilet, he’d follow you there."

* Germany complained that their travel schedule gave them a disadvantage in the final. Hampered by an airport staff strike (imagine that) after their semi-final against France went to extra-time and penalties, they didn’t fly out of Seville until 4am. "We had one chance in the final after missing a night’s sleep," said Paul Breitner. "To score first and then defend."

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World Cup Wonderland : Scotland

78: Boney, baldy, bendy and bonkers

82: The most amusingly disorganised World Cup ever