With the aid of laser lensed holographic satellite technology,(The Spartan Camera)...Blyth Spartan will provide fly on the wall insight into the goings on and machinations of World Football.
Episode One:
Along the red and white corridor at Old Trafford, Wayne Rooney is whistling and swinging his new boots by the laces,he then enters the home dressing room.
Eeek sorry Boss didn’t know you were here like
Shut the door Wayne , well what do you think?
ow come you wearing a frilly dress Boss?
Fergie lunges at Rooney and twists one of his protruding ears
Frilly dress? Ye ninnie, avent ye seen a highland kilt b’fore Wayne eh?
Ek Sure boss sorry like ,me ears falling off boss
Just then Sir Bobby Charlton hearing the commotion enters the room.
Alex whats happening?
Oh sorry Wayne ,now go and gather all the lads boots and start polishing
Alex I mean why are you dressed in the mmm Kilt?
Bobby ye ne I have been the moost successful manager ever at this club,ye been here fifty five years ye ne that.
Yes Alex, you are a legend, but that doesn’t explain the mmm kilt
Bobby,Bobby earnest sincere Bobby,de ye think a prood Scot , does ne dream of expressin his heritage? Twenty Frigging years of sucking up to ye English lords, me time here is almost up, I have the bloody right to wear this highland kilt at all times home games away games, the kilt will be me statement of me prood Glaswegian roots.
Alex I had no idea of your frustrations, but is it best for you to wear such a frilly Kilt I mean we may be ridiculed, couldn’t you just wear a tartan cap or something?
Bobby ye Geordie fool,tartan caps are fer golf,jeez ...ne mare discussion bye Bobby
Sir Bobby is anxious, was Sir Alex having a breakdown, or were more sinister things afoot at old Trafford?...to be continued
Meanwhile the Spartan View Camera ,sets its beam on St James Park , training facility.
In the training ground carpark Michael Owen is sitting in his specially modified for midgets Mini Cooper S clutching the steering wheel.
Capello he screams “bloody pizza capello” ruining my career
Meanwhile Kevin Kinnear strides over to the locked Mini and knocks on the drivers side window.
Michael stop sulking come on back to training , England might not want you, but Newcastle does, come on , stop being a little boy.
Stop calling me little “sob” thats why Capello hates me Iam a bloody dwarf sob
Michael you F****** Idiot he picked Defoe he littler than you, stop being a F****** S*** ** c***, for F**** sake, get out the F****** midgetmobile of yours and get F****** back to F****** training NOW,before a F****** photo f***** gets a f****** photo of me pounding on your F****** stinky little mouse arsed crapmobile.
I hate you,Kevin K eegan would never talk to me like that,your a bloody big fat pig,leave me alone
Kinnear face turns bright red he is now in a frothing rage, and starts rocking and heaving the Mini cooper S,he is seemingly trying to roll Michael Owen over.
Ahh ,NO Kevin Please not me car,its specially designed for me legs and arms
Legs and F****** arms? You will have none you little spoilt F****** brat,your last F****** chance,get out the mother****** car.(heave)
oH no the car is now on its roof, meanwhile a Nigerian group led by Ashley alight from a stretch Limouisene
Hoo is that Mr Ashley, that man kicking that upside down car and swearing not nice words?
Dont worry thats that Kevin K I was telling you about he resigned weeks ago,he is trouble(Ashley is grinning evilly)
When we buy club he better not show his face here that for sure.
Lets meet the players gentlemen they sure are eager to meet you good men.
Meanwhile Michael Owen is in panic the mini is leaking fuel he appears too scared to unlock the car as Kinnear is still raging and pounding the upturned car.
Boss Kevin please I can smell petrol,I want to get out please promise you will cam down
Calm f****** down,you you smart arsed F****** dwarf (just then as a lone photographer aims his zoom lens from the woods, flames engulf the mini,and Kinnear is forced to retreat from the burning car containing a screaming Michael Owen.
Boss help mee, God Iam going to die
Kinnear looks around , scouring the carpark for witnesses, he knows things aren’t going well now,how is he going to explain this at press time....
To Be Continued
Copyright Blyth Spartan 2008