Ask A Silly Question
FourFourTwo interviews football legends about life's endless comedy
Morning, Luis. There’s one thing that everyone knows about Luis Garcia, and that is that he drinks Sangria. When did you last have a good old session?
I don’t drink Sangria. I’ve tried it, but I don’t really like it. Robbie Fowler told me the other day that I had been in Liverpool for three years now, so I was officially an Englishman and they should change the chant to: “Luis Garcia, he likes to drink beer.”
The Scouse wag! So you’ve become a real ale drinker?
No. I don’t drink beer either.
Wine? Whisky? Blue WKD? You must have got into binge drinking since moving to Booze Britain?
Not really. Maybe a little red wine occasionally with a meal. But very rarely.
Fair enough. Let’s move onto solids. Which of the following great British cuisines do you like: fish and chips…
Full English breakfast?
Love it, love it, love it! I love beans, scrambled eggs, sausages, mushrooms, hash browns. Black pudding, I’m not so sure about. Pig’s blood. It’s OK. We have a similar thing in Spain, which I quite like.
Pan of Scouse?
What is this?
Never mind. Roast dinner?
Aberdeen Angus steak?
I don’t understand.
What is a Scottish egg?
It’s a British buffet classic. Terrific with HP sauce.
Let’s move on. Who is your room mate, and what’s their most annoying habit?
I’ve got a few room mates, because the boss likes to put people who play in similar positions together, and I get moved around a lot. Recently I’ve been with Fabio Aurelio, he’s OK. The worst was Florent Simana Pongolle. He can’t sleep without a fan on. All night it’s going “vvvvzzzzz”. I’ll be lying there, awake and cold.
What did you think of Jamie Carragher’s accent when you first heard it? Did you think he was taking the piss?
I still don’t understand him unless I concentrate very, very hard. When I first heard him, I thought: is he speaking Spanish or English or what? What is going on? Now it’s not too bad.
How is your Scouse accent?
[Adopts preposterous accent] Alright, lad? Alright, la?
Do you watch Deal or No Deal, like all English footballers?
Yes. I like it. I like Noel Edmonds, he’s good. There is an edition of the same thing in Spain. It’s good fun.
Do you worship Phil Collins, like all English 1980s footballers?
Phil Collins, Genesis! Yes, I like it! Another Day For Me And You In Paradise. That’s a good one.
A stone-cold classic, Luis. Now, you bear a striking resemblance to fictional nobleman and master swordsman Zorro. Ever been tempted to don a cape and mask?
Zorro! [Makes the swishing sword noise and carves a “Z” in the air impressively] When I was a boy I had a Zorro fancy dress outfit. I was about twelve. He’s very popular in Spain, a big hero. So I would always wear my Zorro suit.
Well, that’s the fancy dress for the next Liverpool night out sorted, then…
At the last one, Sami Hyypia went as Zorro.
What? The lumbering Scandinavian? Ridiculous!
It didn’t look quite right.
We hear you’re a fan of the darts…
Yes. I’ve seen it on TV a lot. My favourite player is Phil “The Power” Taylor. He’s brilliant. I play sometimes too with friends. I’m not bad.
What’s the weirdest dream you’ve ever had?
I had a dream that I was in my car. Then suddenly I was in a swimming pool. [Confused face] It was a mess.
Finally Luis, what happened to the crazy headband?
England changed me! I used to have the long hair, now it’s short all over. That’s the English way. I don’t need that head band any more.
Amen to that, Luis. Cheers.
Luis Garcia was speaking at the 5-a-side European PlayStation Schools Cup. For further information visit:
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