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Interviews

Interview front page Web Exclusives One-on-One Q & A Ask A Silly Question Boy’s A Bit Special My Secret Vice What Happened Next?Celebrity fans Perfect XI And Another Thing

FourFourTwo interviews football legends about life's endless comedy

Ossie Ardiles

"I can't comment on whether Uruguayan women are better looking than Argentine ladies. Do you want to start a war in South America?"

Lee Dixon

"Jamie Oliver talks a lot. You could stick an orange in his mouth to muffle him, then get him on the grill and season him with oil, salt and pepper"
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Craig Burley

"I'm into diving. Scuba diving, not muff diving"
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Brad Friedel

"I'd never sing karaoke. I have pretty much the worst voice in the world"
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Shaka Hislop

"I went to get my car fixed, and by the time I got out of the showroom I'd put a down payment on a convertible Maserati and a Mercedes"
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John Hartson

"The Beatles would beat me up..."
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Gary Lineker

"Peter Schmeichel would be tasty, like Danish bacon"
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Robert Earnshaw

"Yeah, I'd wear my crown around the house. Perhaps, on a special occasion, when the kids have gone to bed... you know..."
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Chris Waddle

"Gazza pinged this unbelievable cross-field ball and knocked the lad's St John's hat off"
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Neil Ruddock

"I always go commando, son - I like to be loose and full of juice"
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Charlie Nicholas

"Actually, I'm weirdly jealous of bald people"
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Jimmy Bullard

"Wash 'n' Go? I've got bags full of it, mate. The boys have never smelled so good"
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Andy Townsend

"Des said to me: 'In 20 years, Andy, everyone will have forgotten about that truck.'"
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Gustavo Poyet

"You can find a beautiful woman anywhere, but the average girl on the street is better in Montevideo..."
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Andy Gray

"I just tried on a bra to see what it looks like. We've all done it, haven't we?"
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Steve Claridge

"I rang Dean Windass and pretended to be interested in signing him. It went on for five minutes. I started to feel sorry for him."
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Mark Schwarzer

"I'd like a go at being Bugs Bunny. He was tremendous at outwitting everyone..."
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Adrian Chiles

"I wouldn’t resort to murder to further my career"
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Peter Crouch

"I dreamed about being a dwarf"
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Garth Crooks

"I was stuck in the back of a car for two hours with Edwina Curry... it was like being stuck with your mother-in-law."
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Marcus Hahnemann

"We loaded and loaded the M16s. Our fingers were bleeding"
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Peter Reid

"Where I was brought up, there wasn’t really much of a Morris dancing scene"
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Alan Ball

"I'm in bed. Wi' nowt on"
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Barry Fry

"I went in a wheelchair. I had a dressing gown on, a bandage round my head...but I’d leap up and start dancing."
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Bryan Robson

"I thought the alarm clock was an oncoming car. I punched it to bits"
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Luis Garcia

"What is a Scottish egg?"
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Sir Geoff Hurst

"Someone will say: 'It’s you isn’t it? Martin Peters!' That’s quite odd, I’m much more handsome..."
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John Barnes

"A petting zoo? What’s that? A Stan Collymore dogging thing?"
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Moritz Volz

"I had some dodgy prawns from this tapas restaurant. I seriously thought I was going to die. It was all going on, at both ends..."
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John Aldridge

"I couldn’t hit a granny, could I?..."
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Jim Rosenthal

"Mrs Rosenthal would never do that. She’s a lovely woman"
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Matt Le Tissier

"I signed some bloke’s forehead once. He couldn’t see it of course, so I just wrote what I wanted."
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Graham Taylor

"Margaret Thatcher sent me a note basically saying: "F**k off"
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Ray Parlour

"Glenn sent me to see Eileen Drewery.  I sat in this seat, I couldn’t see her – I thought she was going  to come out with no clothes on or something!"
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