From a goalscoring dentist to a team comprised entirely of well-behaved horses to strikers machine-gunning the crowd, FourFourTwo’s Italian expert introduces the wonders of calcio

A is for... Azzurri
The Azzurri is the national team name and means blue. You might expect Italy to play in the colours or a colour from their flag, but no. Blue is the colour of the House of Savoy, the Italians’ House of Windsor, if you will. The Savoy family were the kings of Italy and their house colour is blue; how much simpler could it be?

B is for... Bomber
A high-scoring striker. Gabriel Batistuta was a bomber, as was Marco van Basten. Ian Rush at Juventus wasn’t, although he did bomb. Quaintly, every season the bombers battle one another for the title of capocannoniere, which loosely translates as ‘artillery chief’. That’s some title, although they win nothing more than the prestige of being 'Italy’s top bomber'.

C is for... Catenaccio
The brainchild of Inter manager Helenio Herrera in the sixties, catenaccio [‘bolt’] was created to allow the whole team to attack and defend as one. Of course, not every Italian grasped the bit about attacking. Now all but gone, catenaccio is still commonly mistaken for another Italian defensive tactic: blind panic.

D is for... Doping
Late in 2004, after then-Roma coach Zdenek Zeman called for Italian football to “come out of the pharmacy“, Juventus club doctor Riccardo Agricola received a 22-month suspended prison sentence after being convicted of administering banned substances (crack, heroin and premium strength Dutch skunk) to the club’s players during the 1990s. Sorry, that’s a misprint, he actually gave them performance-enhancing drugs, including the blood-boosting EPO that was "almost certainly used by midfielders Antonio Conte and Alessio Tacchinardi". During that period (1994-98), Juve won the Serie A title three times and the Champions League once. Bad doctor.

E is for... Esultanza
What players do after scoring, whether with a classic shirt-lifting move like Fabrizio Ravanelli or by tastefully machine-gunning the crowd, as Gabriel Batistuta preferred. For the more adventurous, like Obafemi Martins while he was at Inter, only a triple somersault will suffice.

F is for... Fumogeni
The flares and firecrackers that rained down on Dida in the Champions League in 2003-04 resulted in a crackdown on these delights, but rest assured they’ll be burning up a garish fog and delaying kick-offs all over Italy again this season. And thank goodness; a big game wouldn’t
be the same without that hellish glow illuminating the hardcore followers.

G is for... Gazzetta dello Sport
Italy’s pink paper fills 15 pages a day on football without a whiff of off-field scandals. Impressive. As is the fact that Italy boasts two more such dailies (Corriere Dello Sport-Stadio and Tuttosport). Not only is La Gazzetta the most prestigious, however, it’s also the most popular paper of any kind in Italy – like Shoot outselling The Sun.

H is for... Horse
Alas not a severed horse head in a bed, but an entire horse. Much like the gift horse Perugia’s ever-entertaining president Luciano Gaucci gave a referee shortly due to officiate an important game for one of the president’s clubs. Interestingly, the subsequently suspended Gaucci (the visionary who brought Al Saadhi Gaddafi to Serie A) has a dream of fielding a football team composed entirely of horses “because they’re loyal, and they don’t spend all night clubbing”. It’s hard to argue with that.

I is for... Intervallo
At the intervallo [half-time] in many games in the north, fans partake of a glass of hot lemon tea. Sample a winter game in Turin and you’ll understand why. Also: Ingresso – the entrance to the stadium/turnstile.

J is for... James Richardson Spensley
He’s nothing to do with me, but he is the ‘father of the Italian game’, who founded Italy’s first football club by introducing the Genoa Cricket and Athletic Club to the world’s finest sporting pursuit. The good Doctor Spensley went on to be Genoa’s first goalkeeper and captain, and a street – Via James Richardson Spensley – is named in his honour right outside Genoa’s Marassi stadium.

K is for... Korea
Authors of Italy’s two great World Cup 'Waterloos'. Incompetent refereeing and an Ahn Jung-Hwan golden goal saw Italy sent home by South Korea (and Ahn sent home by his club, Perugia) in 2002, but the pain of that defeat pales in comparison to 1966. As the world, and Goodison Park, looked on, the heavily favoured Azzurri lost 1-0 to the mystery men of North Korea. Schoolchildren across the peninsula still tremble at the name of Pak Doo Ik, Korea’s goal-scoring dentist.

L is for... Libero
Otherwise known as a sweeper. Not, Franz Beckenbauer might argue, a uniquely Italian concept, but one perfected in Italy by the likes of Juve’s Gaetano Scirea and AC Milan’s Franco Baresi.

M is for... Mister
A throwback to the days when moustachioed Brits sailed around the world teaching Johnny Local how to kick the funny round object, ‘Mister’ is the word Italians still use for manager. If you ask an Italian player whether he’s happy playing on the left or he’d prefer a central role, he’ll look at you and say, “This is a question for the mister”,

N is for... Numero
When a player pulls off a fancy trick with the ball, he is said to have done a numero on his opponent. Expect that same opponent to respond with an intervento durissimo [grizzly foul] at the earliest possible opportunity.

O is for... Omnipotenza
As the most powerful man in the whole of Italy, Milan owner Silvio Berlusconi was for a while omnipotenza. Yes, that’s omnipotent. Berlusconi controlled both the government and the country’s media. He still controls the media, although he resigned as Prime Minister in May 2006. His sidekick, Adriano Galliani, runs Milan, helps run the TV and is president of the League. And they call Italians lazy.

P is for... Pinturicchio
Of all the nicknames bestowed by the late Juventus owner Gianni Agnelli, the snidest were reserved for Alessandro del Piero. After describing Roberto Baggio as “like Raphael”, Agnelli chose Pinturrichio, a minor renaissance painter, to explain Del Piero’s relative talent. The name has stuck with the poor lad ever since.

Q is for... Quelli che il calcio
Literally, ‘Those that football’, a very Italian version of Sky’s Soccer Saturday that replaces
Jeff Stelling and co with showgirls, sing-alongs and bikini-clad dancers. Former Chelsea twinkle-toes Roberto di Matteo joins in the fun and games, and for some reason he’s always smiling.

R is for... Rigori
Penalties, the national team’s nightmare. England fans may curse their team’s luck from the spot, but Italy’s national side has gone out on pens in three consecutive World Cups, twice to the eventual winners (Brazil in 1994, France in ’98) and once to the runners up (Argentina in 1990). Add in the two European Cups lost in club-level shootouts (Roma in 1984 and AC Milan last season, both to Liverpool) and you’ve got yourself the makings of a real national phobia. Mind you, their 5-3 spot-kick success over France to win World Cup 2006 may have laid the ghost somewhat.

S is for... Striscioni
The giant messages displayed on banners at matches. They’re supposedly prepared in strict secrecy, but opposing supporters often know what to expect. Thus Roma’s pre-derby boast ‘Above us there’s only the sky’, prompted an immediate ‘Yes, and it’s blue and white’ – Lazio’s colours – from the other end. Equally, when Milan taunted the Interisti  with: ‘We achieve what you dream of’, the answer was savagely quick: ‘Yes, the two times you got relegated’.

T is for... Tufarsi
In English: ‘to dive’. Many Italians, even at a junior level, regard diving, and other such dark arts, as merely part of the spectrum of footballing skills – all’s fair in love, war and football. Referees are now empowered to give yellow cards to players who dive, but in Italy that’s made it even more confusing as now people have more reason to assume the man in black is being biased.

U is for... Ultras
Ultra means extreme, and in Italy the most extreme followers belong to Lazio. The Rome club’s Irriducibili are infamous for honouring Serb war criminal Arkan, for hanging a picture of Mussolini in their offices and for their fascist salutes – and of course for the fact that Paolo di Canio is a fervent, arm-waving supporter. But though they’re all fond of a banner and
a flare, not all Ultras are right-wing knuckle-draggers. Livorno’s Ultras are left-wing (when they face Milan, they join together to belt out resistance songs from the war), and banners up and down the country declare ‘Ultra is no crime’.

V is for... Vento del Nord
“The wind from the north”. This popular Roman phrase, coined by Roma president Franco Sensi, refers to the political pressure the big three northern clubs (Juve, Milan and Inter) supposedly exert to make Roma lose matches. They must have been working overtime in recent seasons.

W is for... Washing Machine
Where Palermo acquired their, ahem, unique pink outfit. The Sicilian side used to play in a suitably manly black-and-white outfit until an accident at the laundry saw them acquire this daring new shade. They’ve stuck with it ever since, bless.

X is for... X
The Italian symbol for draw, thanks to the cherished old Totocalcio pools system of marking 1 for a home win, 2 for an away win and X for a draw. Not unlike our own pools system, only Totocalcio is now on its last legs in Italy – not least because by the end of each season, everyone knows which games will be an X some way in advance.

Y is for... Youth
Italy’s youth team, the Azzurrini, have won five of the last seven European Under 21 Championships. Their dominance shows no sign of stopping either. Sadly, the letter Y doesn’t exist in the Italian alphabet, so if you want quirky, look elsewhere.

Z is for... ZZ
No, not that ZZ, although Zinedine Zidane's 2006 World Cup Final headbutt has certainly put him into Italian football folklore. We're talking about the original ‘ZZ’ - Zdenek Zeman. Famous for his hilarious habit of psyching out interviewers with long icy silences, legendary Czech manager Zeman preaches an all-out attacking game whatever the scoreline. Off-field he’s pretty fearless too – he it was who pointed the first finger at Juventus and their bulging medicine cupboard (see D is for...).