The women's Olympic football looked like it could be massive fun, but it has exceeded even our highest expectations for entertainment
(Image credit: Getty Images)
You only needed a cursory knowledge of women's football and a look at the groups for the women's football tournament at the 2024 Olympics to see that the competition had massive potential for entertainment.
But even with those high expectations, the tournament has been absurd, brilliant, dramatic and hugely, hugely entertaining, on and off the pitch.
There have been moments some would rather forget, but watching from afar - and with the Team GB going unrepresented, leaving us without a horse in the race - it has all been great. Here's the highlights so far as we head into the final.
VIDEO How Enzo Maresca Will Set Up At Chelsea
1. Dronegate
Bev Priestman paid with her job over a scandal (Image credit: Alamy)
We start before the tournament even got going. New Zealand raised a complaint after a drone was flown over their training session ahead of facing Canada in their opening group game.
It turned out that not only was it piloted by the Canadians, but that this had been common practice from them for quite some time.
Manager Bev Priestman and two of her backroom staff were stood down from their duties by Canada Soccer, with the trio latest suspended from all footballing activity for a year. And that wasn't all...
Get FourFourTwo Newsletter
The best features, fun and footballing quizzes, straight to your inbox every week.
2. Canada overcome the odds (then get knocked out)
Canada had a mad old tournament, right? (Image credit: ARNAUD FINISTRE/AFP via Getty Images)
Canada were also hit with a six-point group stage deduction for their sneaky sneaky spying, giving them an uphill battle to get out of their group with only the top two going through alongside two of the best three third-placed sides.
Incredibly, they managed it anyway, following up a 2-1 comeback victory over New Zealand by once again coming from behind to beating hosts France, courtesy of a remarkable 102nd-minute goal by Vanessa Gilles.
Even after their deduction, that meant Canada finished second in their group and progressed to the quarter-finals as one of the form teams in the competition...only to fall to Germany on penalties.
3. An 11-goal thriller
Australia were (somehow) eliminated at the group stage (Image credit: VALERY HACHE/AFP via Getty Images)
And to think we've not even left Group A until now. Even in a tough field, Group B was the most fascinating of the three, with powerhouses United States, Germany and Australia all drawn together alongside unfancied Zambia.
The US comfortably dispatched Zambia in the first set of group games, while Germany provided an equally comprehensive 3-0 win over Australia.
The Aussies may have been counting their blessings they had Zambia up next - their best chance of getting three points that may be enough on their own to get through as one of the three best third-placed sides, especially in light of Canada's deduction in the other group.
Well, it turned out to be far from easier. Barbra Banda put Zambia ahead inside a minute, only for Alanna Kennedy to respond with an equaliser six minutes later. By half time, Banda had a hat-trick and Zambia were 4-2 up. 10 minutes after the restart, it was 5-2. Game over?
Nope. A Zambia own goal soon after the ninth kick-off of the game gave Australia a glimmer of hope that they turned into a full-on bedazzling, with Steph Catley bagging a brace to make it 5-5 before Michelle Heyman scored the 11th and final goal in the 90th minute to win it for Australia.
We can't imagine there have been too many sides in any round robin tournaments who have scored six goals in one of their games only to be eliminated on goal difference, but that's exactly what happened to Australia. They lost 2-1 to the US in their final game, and missed out on qualification to the quarter-finals as the lowest-ranking third-placed side by just a single goal, with Brazil eking through in their place.
4. Marta's moment of madness
Marta got her reprieve (Image credit: Getty Images)
Finally, group C. One of the greatest women's players of all time, if not the greatest, Brazilian Marta announced earlier this year that the Olympics would be her final foray in international football after 22 years in the side and over 200 caps.
But her international career nearly ended in tears - literally. The centre-forward put in the kind of challenge only a centre-forward can in Brazil's final group stage game against Spain, diving in left-foot first to a bouncing ball that was damn near five feet off the ground in a fashion Test would have been proud of.
Marta's studs caught the top of Olga Carmona's head, and the referee was left with no choice but to show a red card for the incredibly dangerous challenge. Somehow, Marta tried to plead her innocence, and was reduced to disbelieving tears when the official remained unmoved.
That was understandable, given that Brazil's hopes of getting out the group were still in the balance after they had contrived to take a 1-0 lead into injury time against Japan only to lose 2-1. Was this really how Marta's glittering Brazil career was going to end?
A two-match ban, ludicrously appealed, meant Brazil would have to reach the final for Marta to have a chance to end things on a happier not.
Thankfully for her, they have done exactly that in her absence, despite just barely scraping past Australia to reach the knockouts - despite going on to lose 2-0 to Spain, who scored their second in the 17th minute of injury time.
If a player exceeds 100 passes per game, it is noteworthy enough to earn an on-screen chiron and an impressed/scornful noise from a commentator.
So hats firmly off/decidely on to American centre-back Naomi Girma. In her 120 minutes against Japan in the quarter-finals, she completed 200 of her 204 passes, accounting for 21% of all the passes her side played against Japan. 105 of those came in the first half alone, the most Opta have ever recorded at a World Cup or Olympics.
Is that...good? Is that...incredibly sterile and boring? Your perspective will vary. But it worked, just about: the US won 1-0 to book passage to the semis, where Girma completed just the 125 passes against Germany.
6. The best thing that can happen in a penalty shootout
Ann-Katrin Berger steps up from 12 yards (Image credit: Alex Livesey/Getty Images)
Alright, apart from that time Kepa Arrizabalaga came on just for the shootout in the 2022 League Cup final three years after refusing to go off in the same circumstances, then failed to save any penalties and then missed the decider.
But we're along the right lines, at least. Who doesn't love seeing a goalkeeper stepping up to take a decisive spot kick, after all?
Not Canada, that's who. Former Chelsea goalkeeper Ann-Katrin Berger was elected to take Germany's fifth spot kick in the quarter-finals having already saved from Ashley Lawrence and Adriana Leon. Berger calmly waited for her opposite number to commit one way and coolly slotted it into the opposite corner to send Germany through to the semis.
Steven Chicken has been working as a football writer since 2009, taking in stints with Football365 and the Huddersfield Examiner. Steven still covers Huddersfield Town home and away for his own publication, WeAreTerriers.com. Steven is a two-time nominee for Regional Journalist of the Year at the prestigious British Sports Journalism Awards, making the shortlist in 2020 and 2023.
