7 signs that you're addicted to FIFA 17

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From turning your friends against you to blowing the budget on Ultimate Team, Fraser Gilbert on the seven symptoms of being addicted to FIFA

FIFA 17

We’ve heard your tales of Football Manager addiction, but are you addicted to FIFA too?

Back in March, we published an article on Football Manager addiction. To little surprise, you inundated us with stories that included naming a living room after a player, and even having a newgen’s shirt displayed in the National Football Museum. 

We know you’re mad about FM, but what about FIFA? EA’s ultra-successful football series has won millions of fans over the years, with Ultimate Team alone sucking many of them into the realm of addiction. Sound like you? We’ve come up with a list of seven ways to tell if you’re a full-blown FIFA fanatic. 

1. You've completed career mode

Did you know that you can actually complete FIFA’s Career Mode? Of course you did - you’ve already done it. We don’t mean by taking Cheltenham Town to the Champions League Final either, although you probably managed that too. After all, you’ve played the darn thing long enough.

By now, you’ve realised that Career Mode actually has a 15-season limit. That team you’d moulded for success are finished - banished to the history books (and a hard drive full of goal videos) forevermore. Ah well, you’ll be able to start all over again when the next FIFA comes out. 

2. Your partner loathes it

There was a time when your relationship could tolerate FIFA. Whether you both showed an interest or it was purely you alone, it wasn’t doing any harm. But then they realised just how engrossed you had become. Every day became FIFA day. Date night became FIFA night. Cuddle time became FIFA time. 

We’re not speaking from experience, of course. We’re merely suggesting that FIFA probably shouldn’t dominate your romantic life, and if it does, single living could soon be on the cards. It’s best to keep your significant other happy - you never know, they might let you borrow their credit card for a few hundred FUT Points if you do. 

3. You can speak 'FUT language'

Many of us socialise using FIFA, particularly when it comes to Ultimate Team. But kicking off a conversation in the bar with, “There’s a new TOTS Bonus SBC on the FUT Hub” will likely be met with dazed confusion. Chuck a few BINs, IFs and TOGS in the mix, and they’ll probably start pretending they don’t know you.

Congratulations, you’re now multilingual! Just don’t put it on your CV

You might as well be speaking another language to them - in fact, you are. FUT language is the ‘txt speak’ of the Ultimate Team generation, and your ability to grasp it makes it a powerful tool in your ongoing quest for FIFA mastery. Congratulations, you’re now multilingual! Just don’t put it on your CV. 

4. You know how to do all the celebrations

“How do you do that thing you just did?”, your friend asks when you inevitably put one (or 10) past them. “Oh, it’s easy,” you say. “It’s RB, LB, push the left analog stick 118 degrees clockwise, flick the right analog stick 163 degrees counter-clockwise, do 12 press-ups and it’ll just work. Simple.”

OK, so FIFA’s celebrations aren’t actually that hard, but your intimate knowledge of them isn’t so easily grasped by others, leading to frustration on both parts. At least when they ask how to 'dab', you can tell them to “unplug the controller and throw it out the window.” Will they ever learn? 

5. Your friends hate playing you

Remember the days when your mates actually wanted to play you at FIFA? At this point, they’re really not too keen on the self-loathing and irritation that comes with each passing loss, particularly when forced to engage in loser’s forfeits. Your skills have outgrown their casual ways - you’ve progressed to the next level. 

Of course, each win deserves to be celebrated regardless. You’re sure to rub their faces in each loss, screaming celebratory tones into their eardrums and forcing them to watch those ‘beautiful’ replays of each glorious goal that ripples their net. Throw in a few wholly unnecessary tricks for good measure, and you’ll have well and truly tested the boundaries of your friendship. Fun times!  

6. You recognise songs because of it

If you’re someone who spends their time listening to hardcore rap or heavy metal, expect your colleagues to show concern when you start belting out Duffy’s Mercy on a Monday morning. They might mistake your enthusiasm for commitment to the role, but you know better - you’re just fondly recalling those FIFA 09 memories of yesteryear. 

Let’s not forget the classics: Blur’s Song 2, Bloc Party’s Helicopter and MGMT’s Kids all hold a dear place in your heart, amongst others. Not only do you intricately remember these songs, but their accompanying FIFA editions too, telling anyone who’ll listen about how much better the soundtracks were in the ‘good ol days.’

7. It's drained your bank balance

While naysayers continue to dismiss yearly FIFA iterations as a mere ‘roster update’, you continue to buy them on day one regardless. You’ve spent hundreds on FIFA games in the past, but it’s Ultimate Team that tends to dominate your wallet these days. 

The allure of FUT’s latest cards is just too tempting, even in the knowledge that they’ll be practically useless in a year’s time. It’s all good fun when you can afford it, but if you find yourself draining your bank balance too heavily, know your limits. After all, there are plenty of ways to succeed in Ultimate Team without spending loads of dosh!

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Fraser Gilbert