United have drawn Barnsley away in the League Cup. It makes a change from always being drawn at Old Trafford and itâÂÂs a decent tie close to Manchester.
Former player Mark Robins is the Barnsley boss and thereâÂÂs a large away end. All good.
It concerns their season in the Premiership and was described in The Guardian as "By far the best soccer biography of the year."
HeâÂÂs not soft, but he was surprised to be offered out twice by burly Barnsley fans in replica shirts who cared not that police were in abundance.
Barnsley knocked United out of the cup that year, chanting "We all come from Barnsley" â as if they needed to tell the United support that â and I didnâÂÂt go to Oakwell again until two years ago, when my mate Arnau went on loan to Southend.
It wasnâÂÂt until we arrived that Arnau told us he wouldnâÂÂt be playing. We went to a brilliant pie shop by the ground, causing my mum to remark: âÂÂThe people in this town are lovely, arenâÂÂt they?â I doubt my dad would agree.
There were no introductions. He ignored us, thrust it into ArnauâÂÂs face and began asking questions in an Essex accent, which Arnau barely understood.
He was from a Southend website and his journalistic talents must have been missed by the New York Times, instead he ended up calling someone heâÂÂd never met before by their second name on a cold night in South Yorkshire.
The Hitler-in-his-bunker skit has been hammered on You Tube, but this is the funniest one IâÂÂve seen â although Manchester City fans may not agree.
Some friends took a flight from Barcelona to Switzerland recently. They realised that the diminutive figure standing behind them in the queue was Xavi, with friends. He didnâÂÂt sit in business class, but row 27.
Most of the passengers asked him for autographs, with my friend saying âÂÂHe was brilliant and had time for everyone. His girlfriend was friendly and was happy to take photos of fans with him.
"It was very funny when everyone started reading the free newspapers because he was on the front page. He was reading one too.âÂÂ
There was turbulence and the pilot took two attempts to land the plane. Worried wife said to husband, in all seriousness: âÂÂIt canâÂÂt crash, can it? XaviâÂÂs on board.âÂÂ
It didnâÂÂt crash and at immigration, Xavi refused to be fast-tracked, preferring to wait with his friends who were from South America and needed to queue to have their visas checked.
He might be an all-round good egg, but if the European Cup final happens to be between United and Barcelona this season, IâÂÂll pay any readers ã5 if they spot Xavi (or Iniesta) and somehow keep them away from the Bernabéu during the game.
I know that because I recently saw him perform a set of Stone Roses and Oasis covers.
RobâÂÂs as nice as Xavi, except - and itâÂÂs a big except - he has the letters âÂÂLâÂÂ, âÂÂFâ and âÂÂCâ tattooed on his chest, in that order.
IâÂÂve got no beef with womenâÂÂs football, but he might want to specify which ladiesâ football club he supports.
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