Rangers have been dealt a massive blow in their battle against relegation with the news that top scorer Charlie Austin could be unavailable for the rest of the Premier League campaign.
Club officials have confirmed that there's a chance the striker won’t play any further part this season after he was found to have picked up Lost: The Complete Collection after a hard-fought 3-3 draw with Aston Villa.
Coaching staff had initially hoped that Austin may only have Breaking Bad or at worst The Wire, but it is now certain that he will be out until he has worked through six seasons of Lost.
“We’re obviously all hoping that Charlie can surprise us all and get back to action for the Newcastle or Leicester games, but things don’t look good,” manager Chris Ramsey told FourFourTwo.
“I’m told that he doesn’t even know who the Others are yet, so he has a very long way to go before he can return to training. To lose someone of Charlie’s calibre at this stage of the season is a significant blow.
"I suppose I can only compare it to losing someone like Charlie just before the end of season three of Lost.”
Team-mates have spoken of their shock at ceding such an integral part of their squad for the near future.
“He’s a shadow of his former self,” Clint Hill told FourFourTwo. “I tried to talk to him about our upcoming clash with Chelsea, but he just kept asking me what the Smoke Monster is.
“At this stage he still thinks Locke is pretty much inconsequential and that there might be a slightly satisfying way of tying up all the loose ends in the plot.
“He’s got a good 10 hours of hard viewing to go before he can even start to think about football again.”
QPR may welcome Richard Dunne back against Chelsea, but Rio Ferdinand is losing his race against time to work out whether a tree falling in a forest makes a noise if nobody is there to hear it. Robert Green is still bravely battling an annoying tune in his head, which has caused him to miss training this week.
