Wednesday
Barcelona (9th) vs Betis (16th)
If Barcelona fans were already mopping their brows in relief after their six goal-gazzumping of Sporting, then they must be throwing their hats in the air like extras in Chariots of Fire over the latest news that has crept out of the Camp Nou.
(Trumpet fanfare) - Samuel EtoâÂÂo is very happy with the coach. And whatâÂÂs more, Samuel EtoâÂÂo is also very happy with the team.
Well whoopedy doo, says La Liga Loca in response. EverythingâÂÂs all right then.
Happy chappy? La Liga Loca couldn't give two hoots
EtoâÂÂo must also be delighted with having been named as one of the official back-up, back-up captains of this yearâÂÂs squad, along with Marquez, Messi and...er...Jorquera?
The real, proper, grown-up captains are Puyol, Xavi, Valdés and Iniesta. So thatâÂÂs eight of them then. ItâÂÂs either a wonderful example of democracy in action or another blame-avoiding, keep everyone happy scam concocted by the Barça bigwigs.
In other news, Betis majority shareholder, Darth Manuel de Lopera has undergone successful surgery on a back problem. Either that or his money belt had gradually migrated into his intestinal tract through years of misuse and had to be removed with a blow torch.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Villarreal (3rd) vs Racing Santander (17th)
Best start to the season in VillarrealâÂÂs history.... Rossi set to return.... more action for Nihat.... Pires complaining about not playing for France.
More important though is this question. Was La Liga Loca seeing things again or is the new series of Big Brother being set in a rat-infested trailer park? If so, then the blog is about to be published on a fortnightly basis.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Osasuna (15th) vs Deportivo (11th)
And if La Liga Loca had to sit through this game, the blog would cease to exist completely having shoved a broomstick through its brain on the 15 minute mark.
Deportivo manager, Miguel Angel Lotina has been reflecting on SundayâÂÂs red card fest against Mallorca. And having managed to see some scenes of the hardcore action in La Riazor, the blog can confirm that, like Ever Banega on a night-in, there were some very lively tackles on display.
And thatâÂÂs the way it should be, says Lotina. âÂÂIf you donâÂÂt want to get hit then take up Ludo,â sniffed the Deportivo doom-mongerer.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Getafe (8th) vs Atlético Madrid (5th)
ItâÂÂs been an action-packed start in Joffre GuerrónâÂÂs European adventure. Having arrived with great fanfare from Quito, the Getafe winger has already made quite a name for himself.
Ahead of a pre-season friendly against Olympiakos in Athens, Joffre went for a stroll without his phone to find the Acropolis. Being a footballer, he was lost within seconds and only just made it back to the hotel before the Getafe party had to leave for the game.
On Saturday, the story continued when the Ecuadorian was involved in a punch-up with team-mate Licht during the warm up ahead of the Espanyol game. And on Tuesday, Guerrón was at it again by squaring up to Celestini during training.
âÂÂHeâÂÂs an impulsive player who is adapting to Spanish football,â explained Getafe manager VÃÂctor Muñoz
LLL Prediction - Away win
Guerrón: "Impulsive" - That's one way of putting it
Sevilla (7th) vs Espanyol (4th)
Ever wondered what Paul from Barcelona gets up to when not losing his mind in the Montjuic or plotting against Joan Laporta? Then wonder no more.
A âÂÂstudyâ has found that Espanyol fans are the most sexually intense football supporters in the Primera Liga. It seems that anything goes for those pervy Pericos after - and quite possibly during - Espanyol games, if their last matches are anything to go by.
The crinkly old cronies of the survey are those fun loving Navarrans, Osasuna fans - a group of supporters completely unaware that a Basque is also an item of naughty bedroom attire.
Barcelona supporters are in at 8th - penalised by the fact they only show up for encounters when itâÂÂs not raining and thereâÂÂs nothing better on TV.
And Real Madrid are in a lowly 11th, due to their tendency to start booing when nothing happens after 10 minutes.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Real Madrid (6th) vs Sporting (20th)
La Liga Loca recalls that one of the few pleasures of living in Blighty was not having to witness people with moustaches on an hourly basis.
Although a few years back the blog was shocked to see that the then popular Franz Ferdinand and The Killers had sparked off a trend of bum fluff âÂÂtaches on the nationâÂÂs indie kids.
It is currently mid-morning in sunny Spain and the blog has already seen a multitude of moustaches - on bus drivers, newspaper sellers, grandmothers...
Looking at a preview of WednesdayâÂÂs clash between Real Madrid and Sporting in AS and two more âÂÂtaches are on display - those belonging to Bernd Schuster and Manolo Preciado.
Whilst the GermanâÂÂs is a fairly wispy affair, the Sporting coachâÂÂs is a full-on Basil Fawlty, Stalin, âÂÂyou could hide the Russian fleet in thereâ job.
Preciado: Now that's a moustache
And it was twitching away on Tuesday as itâÂÂs owner contemplated the Bernabeu clash.
âÂÂIt offends me that you think we do not have a glimmer of hope in this game,â said the coach of a side that has no points and has conceded 12 goals in three games.
âÂÂReal MadridâÂÂs style of play might suit us better. Although itâÂÂs possible I may have to eat those words,â confessed Preciado in a moment of clarity.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Thursday
Malaga (19th) vs Valencia (1st)
With poor old Raúl having been accused of everything from preventing the move of David Villa to the Bernabeu to breaking the Super Collider, a campaign to stop the rot was launched on Tuesday.
The Real Madrid captain took the rare move of going on Radio Marca to deny any veto of the transfer of the Valencia striker. âÂÂI only have an opinion which I must give, as a player and a captain,â declared Raúl.
Villa was also on the airwaves on Tuesday, to deny that the Madrid man had anything to do with his failure to move from Mestalla.
âÂÂThat rumour is not true,â said the striker revealing that a transfer was going to take place, somewhere, until Vicente Soriano convinced him that the club wanted him to stay.
Villa is now looking to the final stages of his career which will either take place in Valencia or his old club. âÂÂSometimes I see Sporting and think I would like to retire there,â said Villa as he imagined happy days of pouring cider from a great height.
LLL Prediction - Away win
Valladolid (13th) vs AlmerÃÂa (2nd)
It seems that being second in the table with seven points from three simply isnâÂÂt enough for AlmerÃÂa manager Gonzalo Arconada. He wants sexy football too.
âÂÂI have to apologise to the fans for not playing the way we did in the previous two games,â wept the disconsolate AlmerÃÂa man after the 1-0 win over Malaga.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
Recreativo (14th) vs Athletic Bilbao (10th)
This weekâÂÂs extra special bonus edition of News from Sweden from thelocal.se concerns a fisherman who went out to tickle some trout one afternoon. But came back with an Elk having caught a very dead one on the end of his line.
âÂÂI improved my personal best by 490 kilos,â beamed Joel Lagekvist on his catch. âÂÂWeâÂÂll see what I hook next, a Russian submarine, perhaps?âÂÂ
LLL Prediction - Draw
"What in the name of..." - That sure ain't no trout
Mallorca (18th) vs Numancia (12th)
You know that youâÂÂve reached the depths of footballing despair when the Deportivo stadium announcer has started to make fun of you.
ThatâÂÂs exactly what happened on Sunday when the man behind the Riazor mike bellowed that âÂÂthey only have one Webó and we have 20!â ahead of the goalless clash.
LLL Prediction - Home win.
