Back of the Net's John Foster explains the United stopper's visions
Manchester United keeper David de Gea insists that if he stares directly into the Old Trafford floodlights, a celestial host of cherubim and seraphim emerge and sing heavenly melodies unto him, sources close to the 21-year-old were reporting yesterday.
Ex-Atlético Madrid ace De Gea has endured a mixed start to his career in England after a series of high-profile gaffes led pundits to question Sir Alex FergusonâÂÂs decision to put his faith in a man who looks like a bashful werewolf.
But the watchful presence of the heavenly host has reassured the Spanish stopper that his luck is about to change.
âÂÂIt happened first against West BromâÂÂ, De Gea said. âÂÂI was just looking at the floodlights for ages and ages, and then time seemed to stop, and this figure that looked like a winged Steve Coppell flew out of the brightness and hovered in front of me, smiling.
âÂÂWhen he vanished, I felt an incredible sense of calm, and Shane Long had made it 1-0.âÂÂ
The second time the wispy-faced custodian saw angels was against Manchester City in October.
âÂÂI stared at the floodlights for 20, maybe 25 minutes,â he recalled, âÂÂAnd eventually the clouds parted, beautiful music filled the air, and the spirit of Remi Moses appeared and told me to narrow the angle.
âÂÂI felt so happy, until he called me a pillock because IâÂÂd just let Edin Dzeko make it 6-1.âÂÂ
The young No.1 admitted that he is keen to see more angels, but he doesnâÂÂt know yet when they will descend upon him, their voices raised in celestial harmony, mirroring the divine order of creation.
âÂÂWeâÂÂre at home to Liverpool next,â said De Gea. âÂÂI'll just have to stare into the floodlights for long periods of the game, and weâÂÂll see what happens.hâÂÂ
Goalkeeping eccentricities are nothing new at Old Trafford. Les Sealey used to slaughter a goat in the centre circle before kick-off, which he would then consume at half-time in lieu of oranges.
Later, Peter Schmeichel insisted on playing alongside a life-size toby jug, which would go on to build a career in management, most recently with Sunderland.
Previous stories:
Ball still bobbling around in Villa box, three days later
Wigan given permission to talk to Maynard, but not about football
Banana touted as potential banana skin for Hull
Nobody able to explain why Tony Hibbert is in Gabon
Spurs target found to be carefully-arranged pile of shoeboxes
O'Neill creates "stunning" rogan josh from contents of Bruce's pantry
