Ronny Deila just about resigned from his position as Celtic manager, the club have begrudgingly confirmed.
The Norwegian tactician was summoned for talks with directors following Celtic’s Scottish Cup defeat to Old Firm rivals Rangers, and entered the boardroom to find his P45 clearly visible on the table in front of him.
Chief executive Peter Lawwell began to speak, stressing his appreciation for all the work Deila had done during his two years at the club, but before he was able to deliver the second half of the sentence, Deila jumped in to tender his resignation.
“We’d all been looking forward to relieving Ronny of his duties for some time, but he beat us to the punch by a matter of seconds,” Lawwell admitted to FFT.
“I had this perfect speech lined up that would detail his achievements at the club, slowly rising to a peak at which I’d deliver a solemn ‘however’ and turn the tables, but I guess maybe we telegraphed it.
“I sort of regret having that priest there to read the last rites and hiring that orchestra to play Mahler’s Ninth Symphony as Ronny entered the room.”
His way (ish)
The Celtic board then had to suffer the indignity of hearing Deila deliver a clearly improvised resignation speech in which he stated his guilt at leaving a club that so clearly needed him.
“He came in with a spring in his step, whistling a happy tune and had ‘ask for pay rise’ visibly written on his hand, so we all knew he wasn’t there to resign,” Lawwell explained.
“It was pretty galling to listen to his 10-minute ramble about how it was time to move on and how he was certain Celtic would survive without him.
“As a final touch he asked the orchestra to strike up My Way by Frank Sinatra and delivered a passable version before indicating he would email over some ideas for his leaving do as he left the room.”
Although Deila will remain on the Celtic bench for the rest of the season, a poll this afternoon showed that fewer than 20% of Celtic fans could remember a time when someone called Ronny Deila managed the club.
Please note: This satirical news story is not real. But you already knew that, right?
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