Erling Haaland continued his one-man mission to render Premier League defences redundant on Sunday, hitting his third hat-trick in as many home games as Manchester City thumped Manchester United 6-3.
The 22-year-old Norwegian became the first Premier League player to achieve the feat – and in doing so, he put himself on course for a scarcely fathomable league goals total this season.
By one measure, Haaland is projected to finish his first campaign in the world's toughest league with... 70 goals.
'How on earth is that even possible?!' we hear you ask, trembling in terror. Ok, he would have to play 90 minutes in every league game for the rest of the season, but here's the maths to prove that we're not just throwing random numbers around...
In just eight Premier League games so far, Haaland has scored 14 goals at an average of 1.89 per 90.
Were he to play 90 minutes in each of City's remaining 30 league matches and maintain his current rate of scoring, he'd chalk up another 56 goals. See: possible.
But even if we stay within the realms of relative likelihood, it's easy to see Haaland ending 2022/23 on 60 league goals or more. Dixie Dean's all-time record of 60 goals in an English top-flight campaign – set for Everton way back in 1927/28 – could genuinely be under threat.
Haaland averages a Premier League goal every 47.5 minutes – and averages 83.1 minutes on the pitch each league game.
Again, for argument's sake, let's assume he keeps up both of those rates and plays in every league match for the rest of the season: he'll notch 52 more goals, taking him to 66.
Are we sure he's not even a little bit extraterrestrial?
