Fiery showdowns, derby dates and Paolo Di Canio
Manchester La Fianna equalised ten minutes into the second half on Saturday. It hadnâÂÂt gone well before then.
We were missing both our wingers who have created so many of our goals this season. One, top scorer Toni Gols, managed to collide with a hand pulled cart loaded with fruit in Morocco two weeks ago and rule himself out for a month. The other texted me on Saturday morning to say that someone had spiked his drink with drugs and that he was âÂÂblindâÂÂ.
I shook my head and carried on wearily, before leaving a message for another player. He duly turned up without any boots. âÂÂI didnâÂÂt get any message,â he said, âÂÂbecause IâÂÂve lost my phone.âÂÂ
Both sets of fans were vocal. We beat The Celtic Cross 2-1 in the first game of the season and they were in vengeful mood. âÂÂGet at Andy Mitten,â one of their substitutes shouted as I laboured at right back in the first half. ThatâÂÂll be me then, the perceived weak spot of the team.
The detractor had a point. I was trying to mark Liam Austin, a fleet footed striker who played in AustraliaâÂÂs top league only three seasons ago and I was out of my depth. I made a mental note not to start in any big games from now on as he went past me for the third time. One of his runs led to their opener.
I benched myself at half time and tried to fire the lads up. Hans equalised with a looping shot, provoking a furious reaction from The Cross, because their goalkeeper had been on the floor. One of their defenders charged over to me and completely lost it. He finished his indecipherable tirade by clipping me across the face. He later apologised for âÂÂlosing it.â Luckily for him, the referee was otherwise occupied.
He can also be thankful it wasnâÂÂt two weeks ago when less placid visitors came to watch me play. It didnâÂÂt stop there. From the stand behind, a freelance lunatic spewed profanities in my direction. Having watched too many social zeroes have a go at my brother who plays semi-professional, my mum has always maintained that football is an excuse for the henpecked to let off steam on a Saturday.
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I tried to remain in control. If a manager canâÂÂt manage himself, then he invites his players to lose their concentration and discipline. I spent so much time telling people to calm down that I began to resemble one of Harry EnfieldâÂÂs Scousers. And thatâÂÂs not good for a Mancunian.
The game was hard and competitive. Our players were as guilty of indiscretions as theirs and I cringed with embarrassment at the actions of some. We both had a man sent off â our one has played 80 minutes for us this season and received two red cards - and another of our lads was lucky to stay on the field.
Manchester didnâÂÂt play well and the Cross deserved their 2-1 triumph. ThatâÂÂs football and even though it hurt, you have to lose as gracefully as you win.
I spoke to my brother later. He was annoyed as his title chasing team, Curzon Ashton, had lost 1-0 at Garforth Town â the team who once signed Brazilians Socrates and Careca and saw Lee Sharpe turn out for them.
âÂÂTake it on the chin,â he said, âÂÂand cut yourself some slack.âÂÂ
Slack will come in the form of two weeks without a game. My priorities will be finishing off my next book on world football derbies, which Harper Collins are publishing in August. FourFourTwo readers may be familiar with my derby reports from the âÂÂMore Than A Gameâ feature â and the plan is to bring some big derbies up to date for the book.
That means watching Lazio v Roma, Newcastle v Sunderland, Celtic v Rangers and Madrid v Barca in the next six weeks â itâÂÂs a hard life.
IâÂÂll catch a cargo boat from Barcelona to Italy tomorrow for the Roman derby on Wednesday. With Manchester United again drawn against Roma, it will mean three trips to the Italian capital in four months. IâÂÂll then fly to Manchester on Friday, watch my first ever rugby league game between St Helens and Wigan, then catch a still to be decided game on Saturday before United v Liverpool on Sunday.
ItâÂÂs a busy time â and thatâÂÂs without a possible United v Barca semi-final. My phone has already started going about that one. It seems IâÂÂve had âÂÂtourist informationâ tattooed on my forehead without knowing it.
But first Rome, where IâÂÂll speak to someone who knows all about losing it on the pitch â Paolo Di Canio.
Andy Mitten is Editor at Large of FourFourTwo, interviewing the likes of Lionel Messi, Eric Cantona, Sir Alex Ferguson and Diego Maradona for the magazine. He also founded and is editor of United We Stand, the Manchester United fanzine, and contributes to a number of publications, including GQ, the BBC and The Athletic.