âÂÂItâÂÂs insane! ItâÂÂs obscene! What about the children! Frack me!âÂÂ
Just four of the descriptions of La Liga LocaâÂÂs conceptualist art exhibition currently on display outside its penthouse apartment. And melting rapidly in the summer sun.
ItâÂÂs also four of the descriptions plucked from FridayâÂÂs Spanish press to describe Real MadridâÂÂs overdraft-straining, bank-busting attempts to reach the sparkling, promised land of the Champions League quarter-finals.
And maybe, just maybe, a decent Copa del Rey run too.
The double whammy of the Kaká and Cristiano Ronaldo deals has split the battle-lines in the Spanish press in a fairly predictable way.
For those of a Madridista bent, the 180 million Euro spunkathon is unquestionably a Very Good Thing. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a heretic who deserves disembowelling.
For the Catalan papers, FlorentinoâÂÂs recent splurge is the work of Satan himself. As is the norm in this particular wacky world, there is no time or space allowed for any opinions in between.
PérezâÂÂs back pocket-dwelling paper, Marca, blasts on FridayâÂÂs front page that Ronaldo is âÂÂthe signing of the centuryâ and gives 10 good reasons justifying MadridâÂÂs outrageous outlay for his diving services next season.
One of them is that he is the new official hunk of the Real Madrid team. Something that Paris Hilton has also noted, according to tabloid titillation.
Roberto Gómez (whose love for Ramón Calderón has seen him severely sidelined at the paper) claims that Kaká and RonaldoâÂÂs arrival in the Spanish capital means that âÂÂReal Madrid win, football wins, we all win!âÂÂ
The paperâÂÂs editorial thumbs its nose up at those who doubt the financial sense of the double deal by arguing that it will generate more money than it costs.
Angel or demon?
The column also chooses to ignore the final years of the last Galactico age and David BeckhamâÂÂs trophy-starved spell at the club by opining that âÂÂhaving a team with the biggest icon in world football is a guarantee of success.âÂÂ
Over in AS-land, editor Alfredo Relaño writes that âÂÂin just one week, Florentino Pérez has excited Madridistas and appalled everyone else.âÂÂ
Although he acknowledges the moral issues over such a big splash of cash bang in the middle of a recession and with four million unemployed in Spain, he too falls in step with the Pérez party-line.
(The paper also finds the space to print a letter from a Barcelona fan and AS reader claiming that Relaño is âÂÂthe best editor of all four of the big sports papers that we have in Spain.â And the most modest, no doubt).
Inside, Emilio Pérez de Rozas writes in a tremendously sycophantic column that âÂÂMadrid owe 500m Euro and are spending 300m more. But it doesnâÂÂt matter. Pérez oozes power and credibility.âÂÂ
La Liga Loca says "Get a room."
Those looking for moral outrage and more than a hint of fear need only go to the Catalan-crazy press for some self-righteously angry reaction to RonaldoâÂÂs expected arrival in Madrid.
âÂÂItâÂÂs mad!â yells Mundo Deportivo on the reported 94m Euro transfer fee for Ronaldo.
âÂÂWhat message does this kind of behaviour send to the world and especially to children? What values does it promote? That everything can be bought?â rants Jaume Miserachs, getting his Puyol-patterned panties in a big old bunch.
Sport follow a similar theme, with Josep Maria Casanovas predicting the end of the world following MadridâÂÂs latest move.
âÂÂAn immoral and shameful sum... a provocation... a bad example in these times of crisis... Pérez is in love with the image that no-one can resist him and that he can do everything... the most scandalous signing in the history of football.âÂÂ
As far as La Liga Loca is aware, Casanovas is already hammering away on SaturdayâÂÂs editorial, entitled âÂÂWAAAAAAH!!!! ITâÂÂS JUST NOT FAIR!!!!âÂÂ
With David VillaâÂÂs signing due any day now, the hyperventilating hyperbole in the Spanish press has only just begun.
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