It's another new blog at FourFourTwo.com, home of the good read. In this one, Rob Carey analyses the latest games â with the help of his trusty felt-tip pens...
REBIRTH FOR YOSSI
Spoilsport of the weekend must surely be Liverpool's Yossi Benayoun.
After an early exit last week thanks to a pulled hamstring, Benayoun spent most of this week in Russia, lying face-down with some crazy woman rubbing a horse placenta on the back of his leg.
But then again, didn't we all?
As Yossi swept home Liverpool's second goal on Saturday, fans across the country leapt with excitement hoping to witness possibly the greatest goal celebration of all time.
Unfortunately Benayoun pumped his fists and ran back to the halfway line.
Honestly, what do these professional footballers do in training these days?
MIRACLE AT TURF MOOR!
Pele, Maradona, Best, Eusebio, Cruyff... who comes next in the list? Zidane? Ronaldo? It's obvious isn't it â Emile Ivanhoe Heskey! (sticking to the equine theme...)
Yes, this weekend proved that not only does Heskey create every goal England score, but he can also find the net himself.
His late equaliser for Villa at Turf Moor on Saturday was his first in the league since April, keeping up his impressive goal-every-25-games ratio.
Who needs Defoe and his five goals in one single game, when big Emile can notch the same amount in three years?
BEACH BALL WATCH
It's neck and neck!
IN OTHER NEWS
Sunderland shocked Arsenal 1-0 at the Stadium of Light and their ever-expanding manager Steve Bruce claimed that they deserved Darren Bent's fortunate winner adding that his team haven't had any luck since the infamous beach ball goal, the poor things.
After winning a game by scoring a goal which came as a result of the ball rebounding off a bright red inflatable object and ending up in the net instead of the keeperâÂÂs hands, I don't think Bruce should really be expecting too much more good luck this season.
GOAL OF THE WEEK
The league witnessed some stunners this week.
Chelsea's Florent Malouda belted an unstoppable left-footer past ex-Sisters Of Mercy frontman Wayne Hennessey, and Darren Fletcher pretended the ball was an opponent's shin bone and walloped it into the Everton net.
But there really is nothing quite like a headed own goal from outside the penalty area, so thanks to Sam Ricketts for this effort which livened up an unexpectedly dull Bolton-Blackburn match.
CRAP KITS
When Jermain Defoe shows his grandchildren the pictures of his five goals against Wigan they'll probably ask him what on earth was he wearing.
What a shame: the man bangs in five goals on a single game and 20 years from now people are going to think he was doing it in his pyjamas.
Sorry Wigan fans, but I just love it when the vidiprinter has to spell out the number of goals scored so that viewers don't call Specsavers for a check up.
Apparently Harry Redknapp complained after the match, as the Wigan goal shouldn't have counted. Anyone for a replay?
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