As David Moyes settles in at Manchester United, so does Roberto Martinez at Everton. Jonny Abrams, Evertonian and Editor of Football Burp, welcomes the Spanish acquisition
Speaking as an Everton supporter, I love the way Roberto Martinez says 'Wigan'. It's got such a woody quality to it, that dimple-eliciting accentuation of the vowels. Try it yourself: "Weeg-ahn".
His retained Spanish pronunciation of the letter U makes aural treats out of such otherwise prosaic words as 'club' ("cloob") and 'result' ("resoolt"), while his name is a delight to wrap the tongue around, as it were.
Is it Rob-er-toe Mar-TEE-nez? Or Rob-air-toe MAR-tÃÂnez? All the permutations sound fantastic, which is more than you can say for the decidedly tinny-sounding 'Moyes'.
'Moyes': on an aesthetic level, it leaves me cold. That's not to say that he didn't do a remarkable job in his 11 years at Goodison Park â and some fine football was played along the way, despite what the revisionists and just plain idle may have you believe â it's just that his name isn't much fun to say aloud.
Martinez was the man I wanted to see step in the moment Moyes left for Manchester United. I've been convinced about him ever since his Weeg-ahn side came to Goodison in March for an FA Cup quarter-final and spanked us 3-0. It felt like his audition at the time and suffice to say he passed it with los colores vuelos.
Yes, the Latics went on to get relegated, but that's irrelevant: I'm a football fan and therefore reserve the right to bloody-mindedly base my whole opinion of someone on an isolated example that I just so happened to be witness to and as such shall sneeringly bandy about as the final say on the subject, no matter what.
Martinez does the traditional thing
People have clearly done as much with Moyes, anyway. "Dour football": tell that to Steven Pienaar, Leon Osman, Marouane Fellaini, Kevin Mirallas, Mikel Arteta and Yakubu. Some terrific stuff got played whenever Moyes was granted even a little bit of leeway, usually through player sales, to piece a team together.
Yes, for Martinez as his successor I clamoured, with little else by way of justification other than this: I like the cut of his jib. You know, his moxie.
It was the same with Moyes when Walter Smith got the sack in 2002: I fervently wanted the then 39-year-old in, pretty much solely off the back of having read about him and his Preston North End side, who had given Everton a good game in the FA Cup in January 2000. He simply gave the impression of being an impressive guy â and I get the same "yeah, he checks out" buzz off Martinez, even if he lacks Moyes's reassuring steelyeyedness.
Moyes in 2002: Told you it was traditional
Perhaps he's too much of a nice guy â whereas Moyes had his very occasional wobbles, I can't ever recall seeing Martinez lose his cool in public â but then such was the depth of Moyes's work that he leaves behind a squad of players seemingly shorn of the egotism that blights modern football.
So, why prattle on about agreeable accents and the like? Is a player more likely to adhere to instructions if they've been delivered in a pleasing Spanish lilt? Well, possibly, but I dare say it would be a major surprise to see Martinez match Moyes's league finishes, let alone better them.
In his 11 full seasons at the club, Moyes 'guided' Everton to one 4th-place finish, two 5th-place finishes, two 6th-place finishes, three 7th-place finishes and an 8th-place finish, the latter in a particularly competitive season: we finished with 61 points, whereas last season's 8th-placed side West Bromwich Albion managed just 49.
When you consider that every single one of those seasons was followed by a summer's worth of "you know, two or three more players and I really think we could... oh no, there goes the transfer window", that's an awful lot of head-banging on that there glass ceiling.
Moyes never got the chance to show what he could do with even modest investment â his net spend in 11 years was approximately half of the loss made by Liverpool on Andy Carroll alone â and it would be downright unreasonable to expect such overachievement from his replacement, who wasn't even in the running to be the new manager of Manchester United.
"Give me cash, I'll buy you class"
That, people, is why personality traits were factored into my choice of Everton's next manager. As long as Bill Kenwright's the chairman, the best we can possibly hope for is to at least feel some warmth towards the manager and his players. I'll take that over supporting someone like Luis Suarez and still finishing outside the European spots.
To be honest, I'm quite disappointed by how Martinez pronounces 'Everton'; he sounds far too much like a local when he does, whereas I was hoping for something far more exotic-sounding. Still, he comes across well, and that's all we can ask for.
A lot of fuss was made over the club's decision to remove our "Nil Satis Nisi Optimum" ("Nothing but the best is good enough") motto from that laughable new crest we're stuck with for at least a season. In truth, having forfeited genuine ambition years ago, they were right to do so. How about "Nil Satis Nisi Being A Nice Bloke"?
Or even "Everton: everybody likes us (except Liverpool) but we don't care, well actually it's decent consolation for not winning anything, so maybe we do care a little bit"?
Catchy.
Jonny Abrams is the Editor of Football Burp
FANS' EYE VIEWHow Martinez took Wigan backwards
