Martinez thanks everyone, forgets defenders

Roberto Martinez has expressed his gratitude to all his Everton squad except the ones who play in defence, it has emerged.

 

The 42-year old was sacked yesterday, with new billionaire owner Farhad Moshiri keen to make changes before the club’s all-important end of season dinner.

 

Martinez took training one final time, before clearing his desk and praising the dedication and professionalism of his strikers, midfielders and goalkeepers.

Ramiro Funes Mori is a brilliant very-deep-lying midfielder, Brendan Galloway can become the finest holding winger in the league, and Seamus Coleman has huge potential as a false seven

“Things haven’t worked out this year, but this team has a great spine, from attack right the way through to midfield,” the Spanish tactician said. “I’m grateful to all of you, whether it’s your job to score goals, or to pass to the players who score goals.”

Budding potential

The former Wigan manager told FourFourTwo that while he was disappointed to be sacked, he believed the future at Everton was bright.

“Romelu Lukaku is a world-class striker, Ross Barkley is a wonderful playmaker, and Joel Robles is a very underrated goalkeeper,” he said. “But the future is very bright too. Ramiro Funes Mori is a brilliant very-deep-lying midfielder, Brendan Galloway can become the finest holding winger in the league, and Seamus Coleman has huge potential as a false seven.”

Martinez also spoke of his hope that John Stones would blossom in the ‘inverted trequarista’ role between goalkeeper and midfield.

 

Centre-back Phil Jagielka said: “The gaffer shook everybody’s hand, but he didn’t seem to recognise me. I told him ‘I’m Phil, I’m club captain, I’ve been here for eight years’, and he just nodded uncertainly and said ‘nice to meet you, Bill’.”

 

Martinez then reportedly handed his bags to Leighton Baines and asked him to drive him straight home.

 

Please note: This fictional news story is not real. But you already knew that, right? 

 

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