Market research carried out by Serie Aaaaargh! has revealed that 70% of Milan fans surveyed feel that âÂÂyesâ David BeckhamâÂÂs arrival at the club is no more than a marketing tool.
The data was gathered not by standing outside some football ground like a sad anorak but at the re-opening of a venerable Milanese cocktail bar which just happens to overlook the square in which the rather obstreperous Armani billboard is hung.
And so is Becks for that matter as he reclines in shirt and briefs gazing out at the locals going about their everyday business, wondering no doubt if they are wearing the correct underwear.
Cooee!
The surroundings sum up the cityâÂÂs obsession with the three Fs â fashion, football and you can guess the third, yes finance.
Properly attired then, with clipboard in hand, further follow-up questioning asserts that despite calling themselves Milan fans, the target group are more concerned with the fact that 'Golden Balls' will be billeted in a city which I forgot to say is also obsessed with a fourth F.
âÂÂHe likes the women,â opines one middle-age banker - well it was noisy but Serie Aaaaargh! was sure he said 'banker' - âÂÂGlad to see there are still men like that around.âÂÂ
âÂÂSo, Posh isnâÂÂt coming, pity,â piped up another Swiss Tony-like money mover.
A young model-looking fellow on the arm of a very thin and what turned out to be highly-strung fashionista claimed that Armani was probably behind the whole thing.
âÂÂHeâÂÂs already got Kaka and Shevchenko modeling for him and now Beckham is here as well,â swooned our man in the know.
In an attempt to steer the matter away from how Becks will wile away the evenings and conspiracy theories surrounding ageing fashion designers, a âÂÂwell, Milan havenâÂÂt had a decent wide-man since the days of Roberto Donadoni,â is thrown out there for discussion.
Without missing a beat, we are finally on to football.
âÂÂVery true,â replies model guy. âÂÂWe play down the left too much when Ronaldinho is on the pitch.
âÂÂThereâÂÂs no one on the right who can cross the ball. Zambrotta or Gattuso canâÂÂt. HeâÂÂll be perfect for that position.âÂÂ
âÂÂWhat about as a back-up for Andrea Pirlo?âÂÂ
âÂÂNo way, thereâÂÂs only one man for that role and thatâÂÂs Pirloâ comes back the chorus of guffaws apart from the fashionista who does see mileage in the theory.
"Anyone popping down the San Siro at the weekend?"
She didnâÂÂt really, possessing only a fixed grin which soon turns to a grimace before she drags model guy off to no doubt discuss more weighty matters such as âÂÂshould we really be thinking purple for spring?âÂÂ
âÂÂI think sheâÂÂs Russian,â says one of the money men as way of explanation.
Yeah, she probably doesnâÂÂt even know who Andrea Pirlo is either.
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