This Russell Howard feature first appeared in the October 2019 issue of FourFourTwo magazine. Subscribe today and get 13 issues a year delivered straight to your door.
First game you ever attended?
Liverpool 2-0 Tottenham in May 1991. I got a ball signed by all the Liverpool players. Me and my brother vowed to never use it and keep it as this special thing forever. Within about six weeks it was ruined from kicking it around the house, and you could barely even make out Steve Nicol’s name. We smudged the crap out of it.
Who was your childhood hero and did you ever meet them?
Steven Gerrard. I’ve never met him, but he did send me something signed for my 30th birthday and I’ve come close to meeting him several times. I played in a five-a-side charity match at Anfield a few years ago and was in a team with Luis Suarez and Philippe Coutinho, which was amazing. At the time, Suarez was the best player that I’d ever seen live, but somehow I still never got to meet Gerrard that day.
Finest moment as a player?
Scoring a goal when I was 11, in a game between the two teams at my school.
It was 1-1. They’d just scored. I picked up the ball on the halfway line, dribbled past five of their players and stuck it in the back of the net.
It was difficult for me back then as my dad doesn’t like football. Whenever he came to watch, most dads would shout “track back” or “play for the team”, but he’d look bored and say, “Are you going to do some flash shit or what?” Dad was encouraging me to play like Cristiano Ronaldo in his early days at Manchester United, which was the worst advice at 14. It explains the way I play in five-a-side games now. I play like a luxury item which draws attention to yourself, but doing that when you’re famous has led to me receiving a lot of hefty challenges down the years.
What do you love most about going to a match?
I love the feeling of togetherness and complete happiness that I get. I’ve got a season ticket and love my seat. I sit there and You’ll Never Walk Alone will be playing. I sing along and get to be part of something – it feels religious and spiritual. I have complete love for Liverpool. I’m not faking happiness and nothing is put on. Whether you’re in the stadium or watching a game in a pub in New York, which I’ve done many times, I love the fact that when they score, if there’s another Liverpool fan nearby, you grab each other. I love my wife, but she’s never done anything that’s made me hug a stranger five metres away.
How has watching football changed for you since you were a kid?
I would watch Match of the Day with my grandad. That’s how I got into football. I didn’t go to many matches then, but I go to a lot more now. When we beat Barcelona 4-0 in May 2019, it was the most incredible night because you felt like you could help the team. When you’re a kid you watch it passively, but as an adult you feel you’re driving it along somehow.
Who from your club’s past would you bring back for the current side?
It has to be Gerrard, or Xabi Alonso. Then there’s Kenny Dalglish, too – him upfront with Mo Salah and Sadio Mané wouldn’t be bad.
Who had the hardest shot you’ve ever seen?
My friend Steve Williams can kick like a donkey – he can absolutely pang it. But from a pro, probably Paul Scholes – he could leather it. It didn’t look like it. He was like this Scotch egg that suddenly pulls back a traction engine. He was only a little fella but, Holy Christ, he could smack it.
Which player do you like even though they never played for your club?
Dennis Bergkamp. I loved him, he was a beautiful player. I could just imagine him and Robbie Fowler. That would’ve been one hell of a combination.
What’s your favourite club badge that isn’t your own?
I’m a one-woman man. I don’t think I’ve ever looked at any other team’s badge, although I quite like the recent Arsenal kits. I’m into that retro look, so that’s the closest I could say.
Where’s the best place you’ve ever watched a game?
I went to the 2014 World Cup in Sao Paulo. England lost 2-1 to Uruguay but there’s juat something about watching football in Brazil. The whole stadium was absolutely jumping.
Favourite football book?
I used to really like Napper Goes For Goal. It’s a kids’ book by Martin Waddell about a street urchin, and it’s all about the history of football.
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever seen or heard at a game?
I went to watch Bath City on Boxing Day one season. During the warm-up, the goalkeeper, who was quite a heavy-set lad, was getting the ball out of the net and this 12-year-old was stood nearby. The keeper said, “Did you have a good Christmas?” The kid said, “It looks like you did, you fat c**t.” I enjoyed that just for the audacity of it.
What’s the best food you’ve ever had at a game?
A pie at Liverpool.
Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever met a player or manager?
I bumped into Robin van Persie while getting cash out in Dubai. That
sounds like it was a mugging but it wasn’t – he’s a big lad.
Who’s your current favourite player?
I’m a huge fan of Sadio Mané. I just think he’s deadly.
What’s the most important piece of football memorabilia you have or wish you still had?
I’ve got a seat from Anfield. It’s from the old Anfield Road End.
If you could drop yourself into your all-time favourite team, who would you be playing alongside?
That’s a really good question. It would have to be Brazil at the 1970 World Cup. I’d take the role of Jairzinho.
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