The Player has spent 15 years across all four divisions. He’s played in the Premier League and for his country. (Illustration by Spencer Wilson.)
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Two team-mates didn’t show for training. If you’re not at training then you’re deep in the mire. Simple as. That’s football’s golden rule.
The pair – we called them Dim and Dimmer – flew to Dublin on a day off, and hit the black stuff hard. In their wisdom, they decided they’d be fine getting a 7am flight back to training, because they were only going on an ‘all-dayer’. It turned into an all-nighter and they slept through their morning flight.
They were taking a huge risk. The manager received a call from Dim, saying neither of them could leave the gated community where they both lived because a tree was blocking the road. The manager listened patiently, then sent his assistant to check out the story. “Cars are coming and going freely,” the assistant explained. The pair were fined. The whole truth never got to the gaffer – but seeing both players as troublemakers, he decided to break them up and one was sold a few months later.
Professional standards
Footballers rarely miss training. If you’re not professional, there’s little point being a professional footballer. There are thousands of wasted talents, even among players who made it. It’s impossible to be steaming drunk in a bar on Thursday and performing to your highest standard on Saturday. You can’t turn performances on and off so easily. I’ve seen Premier League team-mates playing in the lower divisions by 28 because their attitude towards training wasn’t good enough. They make mistakes. They also lie.
I’ve seen Premier League team-mates playing in the lower divisions by 28 because their attitude towards training wasn’t good enough
One guy missed training over the festive period because “his electric gates had frozen and he was trapped at home”. He was just hungover. The manager couldn’t prove otherwise, but he knew. He couldn’t trust the lad and didn’t take long to move him on.
Players don’t grass on a team-mate, especially as the lads who take chances are often the dressing room’s dominant characters – and best players – but they can be frustrated if a colleague is taking the piss.
One manager dealt with this well. We were at the top end of the Premier League when two players came in late on a Friday because they’d been out the night before. The manager came into the dressing room raging with anger, threw his jacket down and shouted: “We’re doing really well, working hard and winning most weeks, but those two arseholes are ruining it for the rest of us. I’ve had enough – sort it out among yourselves.”
Different times
Managers ring around before signing a player to get a picture of their personality
He stormed out of the dressing room. We were shocked and the guilty pair began apologising. The captain, a real lad’s lad, stood up. “You’re a f**king disgrace,” he said. “You know I’ve been looking for a Thursday drinking partner. Why didn’t you call me?”
The manager didn’t hear that bit, but his tactic worked. The players apologised and wound down their escapades, at least for the run-in. The manager’s actions had been a wake-up call, but another player in the dressing room must not have been listening.
A year later, he went on a night out in the city centre, close to the training ground. At 5am, he figured he was best off going straight to training rather than home. He turned up, forced open the groundsman’s hut and went to sleep. The groundsman had some shock when he arrived, but that served as an alarm clock to the player, who duly made training. He was still drunk and unsteady on his feet, with a woeful touch, but he got away with it. Somehow, the manager never found out.
Such a player wouldn’t get far now. Managers ring around before signing a player to get a picture of their personality. Twenty years ago, ‘good lad, good player, likes a drink’ was a sign of endearment. Not now.
