Ranked! Roy Keane's facial foliage through the years
"What are you looking at?!" Erm, nothing, Mr. Keane...
There's no denying it: Roy Keane is a modern day Renaissance man.
Whether crunching into tackles, falling out with legendary managers or snarling at pitiful defending on Sky Sports, there are few who can rival the Irishman for his sheer range of talents.
Even when it comes to facial hair, the former Manchester United captain stands alone. Those who tuned in to watch Arsenal vs Manchester United at the weekend will have noticed a sensational moustache adorning his upper lip; the latest in a long line of furry facial constructions.
But which have been his greatest? FFT runs you through his greatest hits...
7. The David Brent
"Different beards for different... needs," Keane mused. So taken aback was then-United skipper Bryan Robson that he picked up a water jug instead of a can of lager at that season's title celebrations. He and his pals still laugh about the time he almost drank water to this day.
This is definitely the strangest of Keane's looks, so it has to go last on our list.
6. The Barney Rubble
"I'll have a one all over please, barber," Keane snarled after plonking himself down in the first available chair. So confused and terrified was the barman in Keane's local Wetherspoons, he legged it to the nearest Wilkinson's for some trimmers and did as he was told.
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It suits Keane - as all facial hair appears to - but it's less iconic than some others further up.
5. Captain Fantashtic
Rumour has it Keane believes tolerating a cold chin is what separates the men from the boys... but having a cold lip is just stupid.
The Irishman famously values whether or not he'd want to be with someone "in the trenches" above all else when it comes to team-mates. This particular moustache fits with that ideal; a lip-warmer straight from the pages of Birdsong or Regeneration. Not everyone can pull off a Magnum PI.
4. Shaven, not stirred
Those that feel a solid smattering of facial hair is a sign of masculinity clearly never saw Keane in his clean-shaven pomp. The midfielder stomped around football pitches with all the rage of someone with a very exposed chin on a very cold day... which explains a lot.
Let's not beat around the Brazilian, for all the fantastic foliage Keane has sported in recent years, the bald look really suited him.
3. The Billy Connolly
Like the Captain Fantashtic, only with a nifty little soul patch added.
Adolf Hitler famously adopted a Charlie Chaplin tash, in homage to his favourite comedian. On that basis, we can assume Keane is a massive fan of legendary Scottish funnyman Billy Connolly and did the same in the summer of 2022. He refused to wear the little specs though, despite scorching weather.
It's a bold look, and we want it to come back so very much...
2. Captain Blackbeard
There's no denying it: Roy Keane looks best with a full beard. His tashes are solid, his shaven look is terrifying, but his beard is a thing of luscious beauty.
After joining the coaching staff of the Republic of Ireland in 2013, Keane immediately grew out his facial hair and became even more cantankerous overnight. Coincidence? We think not.
Nobody was safe from the anti-Samson, who grew more full of rage (rather than strength) with every whisker. Not even expecting fathers were safe. Well, those that have chosen to miss a match in order to attend the birth of their child, that is. Those soft bast...
1. Captain Greybeard
Later in life, Keane has mellowed. Sure, he still hates fancy hairstyles, intricate goal celebrations, Robbie Savage, wearing gloves on cold days, Mick McCarthy and Robbie Savage, but he has made friends with Micah Richards and is occasionally spotted giggling.
FFT believes it's all to do with age. Keano is no longer the testosterone-fuelled midfield dynamo he once was. He's more of a cuddly old uncle now, and his facial foliage reflects his newfound feeling of zen. There is no better look for Keane than his grey beard.
Ed is a staff writer at FourFourTwo, working across the magazine and website. A German speaker, he’s been working as a football reporter in Berlin since 2015, predominantly covering the Bundesliga and Germany's national team. Favourite FFT features include an exclusive interview with Jude Bellingham following the youngster’s move to Borussia Dortmund in 2020, a history of the Berlin Derby since the fall of the Wall and a celebration of Kevin Keegan’s playing career.