Chelsea assistant Rui Faria has written to Chris Ramsey to apologise for gloating in his face, and to reveal key plot points from the new season of Game of Thrones.
As Ramsey sunk to his knees following Cesc Fabregas's late winner, Faria approached the QPR manager and aggressively celebrated victory by thrusting his hips and finger-framing his crotch in Ramsey's direction.
According to Loftus Road sources, the 39-year-old also referred to his opponents as "Queens Park Losers", and broke wind deliberately while walking past the QPR bench on more than one occasion.
After widespread criticism of his behaviour, Faria has declared that his actions were unacceptable, that he is ready to apologise to Ramsey, and that Sand Snakes will begin assassinating prominent members of House Lannister following the death of their father, Prince Oberyn.
"When I alternately gyrated and twerked inches from Chris's face, I went too far," he said. "Much like Daenerys Targaryen goes too far in episode one by executing a Braavosi emissary and declaring war on the League of Free Cities.
"I would like to take this opportunity to underline my respect for Chris and all his staff, and to tell them that Jon Snow's refusal to bend the knee to Stannis Baratheon will see him imprisoned by Melisandre in the climax of episode two.
"I wish QPR all the best, although I should warn them that there's not much point in watching past episode three if their favourite character's name starts with Roose and ends with Bolton."
Experts believe that Faria must have illegally downloaded the four leaked episodes of the new season, which, they say, "is exactly the sort of thing he would do".
(No Game of Thrones spoilers were actually used in the making of this feature. Don't hate us - Ed)
